Pod Insights Hamish & Andy 2025 Ep 302 - Hamish’s brush with Border Security About this episode Andy has run into a legal issue with the Worlds Tallest Hat, there’s been an influx of Extreme Empaths, and the boys put their social skills to the test with a new game. Hamish gets into trouble at NZ airport, and Andy reveals an insane fact about his dad that shocks Hame & Jack!
1. Tall hat liability
2. Extreme empaths
3. Social skills name game
4. Hamish’s run in with NZ customs
5. Andy’s Dad has never bought a TV
Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 A Listener Production.
0:07 Speaker 01 Activate your internet, because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two...
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0:23 Speaker 02 Ahoy to my Anicha, Hamish.
0:27 Speaker 03 Always. I mean, ahoy, that I always see the panic in your eye when it's a pronunciation issue.
0:34 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, this one's tough. This one's tough.
0:37 Speaker 03 It feels, I don't know, we could be, I always go to swords, but it's never...
0:41 Speaker 02 We did swords.
0:43 Speaker 03 We've done swords. Could be swords, could be mushrooms, keep going.
0:45 Speaker 02 No, not swords. Um, dukku for Jack. Ahoy to my dukku Jack. Not like a, you're not mispronouncing like a duck or eggs? It might be dukka.
0:57 Speaker 03 Dukka eggs?
0:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, what's that, like a, like a type of nut?
1:01 Speaker 03 Oh, ducka? That's just, yeah, the spices and nuts you put on a salad.
1:04 Speaker 02 No, no, it's not that.
1:08 Speaker 02 I mean, I'm the natu.
1:12 Speaker 03 You know what I mean about the pronunciation, because it's that thing, very high eyebrows and, and, and looking at the other person in a look that says, well, I've done my bit and I'm deciding I did it right.
1:24 Speaker 02 I'd be terrible if I was, you know, pulled in to commentate the Olympic Games where you just get a sheet of gymnasts from, you know, Eastern Bloc countries and you're like, oh. And it's with confidence. I need to work on my confidence rather than just hope.
1:40 Speaker 03 I'd be terrible if I had to commentate on people I'd met before and introduce themselves to me.
1:45 Speaker 02 Um, it's known as the three universal truths.
1:50 Speaker 02 These are the three marks of existence according to Buddhism.
1:54 Speaker 03 Buddhism, great. Okay. Well, okay, a good one. A not a salad dressing and not a sword.
2:00 Speaker 04 Are you gonna tell us what the truths are?
2:02 Speaker 02 Oh, Hames is, it means like instability. Yours is-
2:06 Speaker 03 Like impermanence.
2:07 Speaker 02 Yep, impermanence. A dissatisfaction for you, Jack. It means it can lead to suffering, of course, and then I am no soul. Yep. So they're the three universal truths.
2:17 Speaker 03 Were you, were you thinking, Jack, that they'd be good ones?
2:20 Speaker 04 I thought they were, yeah, I thought they'd be positives. I thought in fits of dissatisfaction, I thought it'd be like satisfaction.
2:25 Speaker 03 No, but I think the whole idea of Buddhism is like, you just, you make peace with that, that nothing's permanent. You're not gonna be happy. You don't have a soul. So just, just acknowledge that and get on with it, babe. And I'm paraphrasing the Dalai Lama here. He doesn't use babe very often, but I think that's the gist, yeah.
2:41 Speaker 02 I think when Mr. Ralph, not that we should mention him. When you, when you lose, when you lose that, when you lose that access.
2:50 Speaker 03 Yep.
2:50 Speaker 02 I think you're gonna have to deal with great dissatisfaction.
2:54 Speaker 03 A great ripple in the universe and you must acknowledge that nothing lasts forever.
3:01 Speaker 03 You will need that, Jack.
3:02 Speaker 04 May that time never come.
3:05 Speaker 03 May I reject one of the truths wholeheartedly? He will live forever.
3:11 Speaker 02 Ahoy also to Ashley, who's in New Zealand, who went to amishandy.com to tell us what she's been up to.
3:16 Speaker 05 Ahoy, SP, Andy Lee and the little weasel boy, Ashley here from Imberkagool, New Zealand. Which was once referred to by Mick Jagger, I believe, as the asshole of the world. So I guess you could say it is very common man of me living here. Also, while I've got the microphone, I would like to say a special ahoy to Bailey Allen and Isaac Fishlock. They are long time listeners, no time callers to the show. Get rich, boys. Love your work. Ciao.
3:54 Speaker 02 Get rich?
3:55 Speaker 03 Was it get wrecked or get rich?
3:57 Speaker 02 It sounded like get rich, like they were going there working on-
4:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, I feel, oh, it could be, could be another million dollar idea. We've done a show for Invacagal.
4:07 Speaker 02 Boy, oh, boy. We know it well, Ham. You did the movie down there with Brett McKenzie, two little boys. Great film.
4:12 Speaker 03 Everybody knows the quote. Everyone in Invacagal knows that. Was it Mick Jagger? I think it was Keith Richards. It could have been. One of the stones.
4:18 Speaker 02 One of the stones.
4:19 Speaker 03 And what they meant was it's like the, one of the lowest towns on the planet. Sounds like it has various meanings. Oh, it's not a compliment.
4:28 Speaker 03 Which, I could have, could have said the heel bone of the earth.
4:32 Speaker 02 Exactly, exactly. A sturdy ankle of the earth.
4:36 Speaker 03 Of course, is the lowest bone of the body.
4:39 Speaker 02 We better move on because some Tall Hat updates.
4:43 Speaker 03 Yep.
4:44 Speaker 02 I've been keeping abreast of the WhatsApp that I've got access to that I'm too scared to chat on. Occasionally, I'll just say yes to them. I'm talking, of course, about Grace, who is an aerodynamic engineer who is going to be designing our hat that will be the tallest in the world, or requires is one of us, Dan, Ham and I now, to walk, I think it's 10 metres, isn't it, Ham?
5:07 Speaker 03 10 metres, yeah.
5:08 Speaker 02 And then there's Sam.
5:09 Speaker 03 Yep.
5:09 Speaker 02 Who, it works in compositing plastics and carbon, et cetera, and he's going to build it for us. They've got a WhatsApp going between the two of them that I've got access to, and it forces to have a segment like this.
5:21 Speaker 04 The Inside Word. Conversations of Tall Hat Construction. Thanks to Top Stage Advanced Composites, we make cool stuff out of fiberglass and carbon.
5:31 Speaker 03 That's right.
5:33 Speaker 02 Yep.
5:33 Speaker 03 That's right. I forgot we hadn't added that. And when you see the figure of what this thing's costing, let that ad play.
5:40 Speaker 02 Can I say they've both been amazing and hats off when we eventually get it to Top Stage Advanced Composites, because they are doing some amazing stuff. There was fifth, I had to transfer this to a Word doc so I could send it on. Fifty-five pages of correspondence.
5:55 Speaker 03 Wow.
5:56 Speaker 02 They've been going through, and I'm trying to distill it to the things that are important to us and the listeners. Now, I only hear snippets, Ando, from you, from this WhatsApp, and you, you do save it for the show. But, you know, you, we get a lot of email, everyone's fascinated by this journey, and we get a lot of emails from him. We had one the other day, two that's come to mind. I don't have them with me, but essentially, but shout out to who sent them in. One person was going, look, I've just started crocheting. Maybe I could crochet the side and.
6:22 Speaker 03 And you love the gesture, but you go, guys, you don't understand the materials we're working with. We're going space age. Thank you for your offer, but we're not knitting a hat. This is not, we're not mucking around. They did say, I probably couldn't be bothered doing the whole thing, but someone could do it.
6:39 Speaker 02 Let's, let's stick with that thought, Hamish. Perfect segue. Because we had all assumed a felt hat. I think we talked about that on the show. The guys are listening in real time to us talking about them and their designs. And I picked up on the WhatsApp that that was a concern for them.
6:58 Speaker 06 I want to bring up the felt that Hamish mentioned. I don't know about you, but I haven't been considering this yet. It'll definitely add more weight. My understanding was we were doing exposed carbon. What are your thoughts?
7:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, I thought we were doing exposed carbon too. If they are wanting it to be covered in felt, I don't see why we would need the big carbon tube. We could do like a core tube with spokes holding the fabric up.
7:26 Speaker 06 The only reason I'd rather stay with the big tube is a part of our cost cutting is my boss wants to produce one meter carbon top hats following record.
7:36 Speaker 02 What? What?
7:40 Speaker 03 Of course he does. Of course he does. You don't invent a new hat and not immediately, you don't invent a market and then abandon it. Chin on it.
7:49 Speaker 02 He has, they've made the mould and they're like, well, you know, it's in meter slots. So we're going to slot one, you know, six.
7:57 Speaker 03 Six together.
7:57 Speaker 02 Meter slots together. So I just thought that was hilarious.
8:02 Speaker 03 Mate, good on him.
8:02 Speaker 02 How many did he think he was saying?
8:05 Speaker 03 I'm so glad they're checking though. Because of course we don't need felt.
8:08 Speaker 02 No, we don't need felt.
8:09 Speaker 03 I think we just would have said it as an off hat. You've got to remember, whims will be heard.
8:13 Speaker 02 Yes.
8:14 Speaker 03 And they may create logistical log jams. So yeah, I don't care about felt at all.
8:20 Speaker 02 Right, right. Cause the, the one thing that I did notice, Jack, when I see, I'm going following the WhatsApp, is every time we have a little bit of a natter about it on the pod. It throws spanners in the works for them. Well, yeah, they're like, oh my gosh, do we need this? So I just had to assure them, don't, don't go off whims of us.
8:36 Speaker 03 No, no. This is like what working in the White House must be like. Where just someone gets up and goes, you know what? Actually, reverse it all. Okay. Yes. Quite a big job. Now the hat's wearing us. Okay. Yeah. Well, we'll have to change that a bit. Sure.
8:51 Speaker 02 So the six metre tall hat, they were worried about what they call COM, centre of mass.
8:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
8:59 Speaker 02 And they were trying to get that as low as possible, obviously with these lead weighted brim.
9:04 Speaker 04 Yep.
9:05 Speaker 02 To allow the balance. This is a little bit of what they've been talking about on that front.
9:09 Speaker 00 Centre of mass is way too high above the brim for my liking. We'll start to mess around with thickening up the tube closer to the head and potentially some lead inserts. Centre of mass is currently 2.93 metres from the base of the hat. That's borderline unwalkable.
9:27 Speaker 06 Is that with the lead?
9:29 Speaker 00 No lead yet.
9:31 Speaker 02 Showing the importance of the lead.
9:33 Speaker 04 Hmm. Yeah.
9:34 Speaker 03 It is borderline unwalkable because the whole thing, from what I remember from high school science, things topple once the centre of mass gets outside the footprint.
9:44 Speaker 02 Yes.
9:44 Speaker 03 Like then it starts to pull itself over. So the higher it is, obviously, the easier it is for that to get outside my feet.
9:51 Speaker 02 Yep.
9:51 Speaker 03 And then that's why I said, or your feet, whoever's piling it, I'm just have to believe that I'm the pilot in case I do get called up and I'm sure you're thinking the same way, Andy.
9:59 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
10:01 Speaker 03 But that's why I said whoever is the pilot, there is a good chance of leaning forward and then beginning your march. So as it's falling forward, you're like chasing underneath it.
10:11 Speaker 02 Yep. I wonder if we just sprint for 10 metres, you know, like.
10:16 Speaker 03 With your head tilted forward.
10:18 Speaker 02 Do you have to get to the end and 10 metres and have?
10:21 Speaker 03 No, but the hat, the hat would be left behind if you took off underneath the hat.
10:24 Speaker 02 I know what you're talking about.
10:25 Speaker 04 Tip forward and then sprint.
10:26 Speaker 03 And then sprint. Yeah. But I think that's, I think you might have to go for it.
10:29 Speaker 02 Do we need to get to 10 metres and there's three white lights like weightlifters, like?
10:35 Speaker 04 Do you need to hold, do you need to hold it at the end of 10 metres or can it topple at the end of 10 metres?
10:40 Speaker 03 What I love about us going outside the Guinness system is, who cares?
10:46 Speaker 03 Like, cause I was gonna say, there's nothing in the rulebooks that says you have to stop at 10. And I actually, Guinness guards their conditions too, because that's what they make you pay for. But, I mean, there's no rulebook that, I promise you, no one on this earth is there like a book that goes, they, and then the contestant must stop for 10 seconds afterwards. You just have to get the hat and the human across the line, I would say.
11:08 Speaker 02 Okay, great. I just wanna make sure it's not that one where like, where you, you have no control of it, but you've managed to rush at 10 metres across the line. I think that would disappoint people.
11:18 Speaker 04 It doesn't look as good, I don't think.
11:20 Speaker 03 No, that's true. I would, what about we just go like league rules? You have to be in control of the ball over the line.
11:28 Speaker 03 You just have to look like you're in control of the hat over the line. And then, just for a fraction of a second, then after that it's celebrations. You have to turn around and wait for the ref to give you a thumbs up.
11:38 Speaker 04 And the full man has to get over the finish line. It's not like you can tip the hat in and have control and then it can fall over with, with the man still behind it.
11:47 Speaker 02 The whole hat is on.
11:48 Speaker 04 Whole hat, I think, yeah.
11:50 Speaker 02 Attached to head. Um, final one then, obviously there's talk of centre of mass and there's talk about, uh, the lid, uh, that they're gonna put in the brim to lower that centre of mass. Then this message came through from Sam.
12:02 Speaker 06 Andy, we like to clear top stage of liability regarding any injuries due to the weight of the hat. Genuine request from my boss.
12:10 Speaker 03 That's a worry. That's a worry. That's a worry. See? We're getting a lot of people also writing in, got a few people that work in the mascot game.
12:19 Speaker 02 Yep.
12:20 Speaker 03 And going, hey, I'll pilot it, cause I'm, I'll, I'll, you know, I have a heavy hat or a heavy cats head or whatever they wear in their mascot game.
12:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:30 Speaker 03 But they do say, yeah, look, neck strength is a serious thing. You know, it's gonna take some time to build up the condition to balance something that heavy. Couple of the mascot heads are about 10 kilos, they reckon, but I reckon you do bear a bit of that on your shoulders.
12:44 Speaker 04 Hmm. Well, I just said, yes, we will. I mean.
12:48 Speaker 02 Of course we will.
12:48 Speaker 04 Cause it's not just liability for the person wearing it. Imagine you tipped the wrong way and you crushed some spectators.
12:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, that's why I was, that's why I was so against the chin strap too, Jack, cause I'm like, you get a 12 kilo weight on your head that starts falling the wrong way, it's gonna snap your neck.
13:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, you want it to be out of release.
13:03 Speaker 03 You wanna be able to bail.
13:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:04 Speaker 03 If, you know, you don't want it, but as a, as a last resort. Well, I think we would, I think, I think we, I think we would sign a waiver that cleared them or whoever the pilot is would, because it would be a bit of a stitch up. Go there on the day, wear this hat, they've spent thousands of dollars and six months engineering, run over and go, ow, my neck, I'm suing you guys.
13:24 Speaker 03 I, I, I didn't know that would happen. I didn't know the world's tallest hat would be heavy.
13:30 Speaker 02 Well, I did one thing that made me feel like you do see in the movies when people are pushing the team. I just said, make it lighter. And so they've gone back to the drawing board.
13:42 Speaker 03 Well done.
13:43 Speaker 02 And that, and.
13:45 Speaker 03 Everyone loves that guy on the team. Yep. Make it lighter, cheaper.
13:51 Speaker 02 But they said they'll look into that. And so that's interesting. We're pushing them. We're pushing the design, we're pushing the elements and we'll have an update for that a few guys next week.
14:01 Speaker 03 Okay, great. Cause that does open the door to my suggestion I had for them.
14:04 Speaker 02 Oh, what's that?
14:05 Speaker 03 Make it even lighter.
14:07 Speaker 02 Wow.
14:08 Speaker 03 Which I'm gonna do after Andy's has been carried out.
14:16 Speaker 03 And we've become a safe place for people that don't just suffer from a regular amount of empathy, which isn't really a suffer. We all hopefully enjoy a regular amount of empathy. So we can think about what it'd be like to be another person. But sometimes you have too much empathy and it becomes almost a crippling situation because you can't stop thinking about not just people, but placing human emotions onto things and worrying about the things as well. And that is why we do Extreme Empaths. And the opener of the segment is every single song in the world. So no songs feel left out.
14:53 Speaker 03 This is a classic one from Dan. I think this sums it up perfectly. Says, at work we've got a paper shredder. When I know it hasn't been used in a while, I'll shred a blank sheet of paper so he doesn't get hungry.
15:08 Speaker 02 That's interesting.
15:09 Speaker 03 With an open mouth, so he wants to eat. That's the thing, the idea that the shredder wants to eat.
15:13 Speaker 02 That's the part that's always interesting when people start adding feelings to inanimate objects is I was, thought he was gonna freak out for the paper going through.
15:21 Speaker 03 So yeah, the paper's mining, it's just going about its day and then suddenly like
15:26 Speaker 03 someone's just shoving paper in your mouth.
15:27 Speaker 02 Yes.
15:28 Speaker 03 But no, he's hungry for paper, he wants to eat it.
15:30 Speaker 02 This one came in from Emily. Extreme empaths. I spent hours making my partner a cake in the shape of a minion for his birthday.
15:38 Speaker 03 Yep.
15:39 Speaker 02 It was actually very good. I mean, obviously, you make very good cakes, so people would be cautious.
15:44 Speaker 03 If the minion's standing up, that's a very, very impressive. I dare say it was probably a flat lay minion, but still a difficult shape. And you've, you know, depending on how delicate you want the icing and the eyes and stuff. Well done.
15:56 Speaker 02 Problem arose. Every time he went to cut the cake, he pretended the minion was screaming in pain. I got upset and started crying and took the cake away from him.
16:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, you can't give, you can't give birthday cakes or pinatas human feelings.
16:12 Speaker 02 No.
16:13 Speaker 03 Because there's a salt at the heart of the party ceremony that needs to take place, whether it be cutting or bashing. And this is, this is one that's like, God, this is getting into the weeds here. And it's not even my most complicated one for today.
16:27 Speaker 02 Okay, great.
16:28 Speaker 03 This is from George. If my partner does the ironing, they have to judge the amount of water they need to pour into the iron versus the amount of clothes that require ironing. If there's any water left over, they feel sorry for the water that doesn't get to experience the sensation of becoming steam, like all the water before it. There's no clothes to iron, they'll stand and move the iron back and forth on the ironing board till the water runs out. I have watched them stand there for 10 minutes post-ironing so all the water can be set free into the atmosphere.
16:59 Speaker 03 It's like, if you've, if you're just thinking about every little drop that's coming, that's like, this is it, this is what we wanted.
17:06 Speaker 02 Yep.
17:06 Speaker 03 Strange that, so this, in this case, the water has the feelings and the iron is inanimate.
17:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:12 Speaker 03 So the iron is like a theme park and the water is the participants going to the theme park and she just doesn't want the theme park to close before everyone's had a chance to go on the rides.
17:22 Speaker 02 This is from Poppy. Extreme empaths. My partner and I were recently on an overseas trip. When we saw our Qantas plane arrive and passengers get off, she started to get really sad that the plane wouldn't get enough rest before we had to go 14 hours back to Australia.
17:40 Speaker 03 It's, you kind of get it because it's like Thomas the Tank Engine world.
17:44 Speaker 04 Yes.
17:44 Speaker 03 That is, that was sort of the whole basis of Thomas the Tank Engines.
17:48 Speaker 02 You'd get some grumpy engines if they had to go straight back out, yeah.
17:51 Speaker 03 But again, Jack, you probably still are most in Thomas world. Wasn't the motive for the trains, they liked doing their job, didn't they? They didn't, they weren't like, oh, I can't believe, I can't believe I've got to lug more coal.
18:04 Speaker 04 I think one of, I think one of them was grumpy.
18:07 Speaker 03 Gordon.
18:07 Speaker 04 Gordon.
18:09 Speaker 02 You named your kid.
18:11 Speaker 04 I didn't know until I named him that, I did remember there was a Gordon in the, in the train set, but I didn't realise he was the, um, the grumpy one.
18:19 Speaker 03 Yep.
18:20 Speaker 04 And I think he, he's got a problem with like every, any job he's handed, he's got a problem with it.
18:24 Speaker 03 They have a weird relationship.
18:29 Speaker 03 He's always trying to get free carriages from the other trains. From my memory, they've got a real issue with the coal. They have to carry like coal trailers or whatever and they kind of hate them. It's like this weird.
18:42 Speaker 02 It's a nicer thing to carry passengers from memory.
18:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, they don't like the, there's something in there like they think the coal carriages are like, they just don't like working together. It's a strange one. It feels, it feels almost like it wouldn't be PC. It's like it verges on this like a weird kind of uh, class separation. Anyway, uh, with the, the last extreme empath I had, the water had the feelings. Similar world now, but this is from Matt. And it's not the water that has the feelings, it's the vessels this time. Cause the guy, I'm an extreme empath. I've got a trait that I hadn't thought too much about till he started talking about it. When I boil the kettle for a coffee or tea, I make my beverage first and then I feel really bad for the kettle. Just holding on to excess boiling water for no reason, likely suffering in the meantime.
19:29 Speaker 04 Oh.
19:29 Speaker 03 So I always pour out any additional water into the sink to let it cool off. Fortunately, then I feel bad for the sink. I was just seeing them.
19:38 Speaker 03 I was just seeing it minding its own business before a blast of boiling hot water hits it from nowhere. So I always make sure to give the sink a quick blast of cold water. So it doesn't get too upset. P S. You might be thinking, I feel sad for my coffee cup in the same way as the kettle, because suddenly it gets boiling water on it. But actually, no, as the cup was designed for coffee, and at least in my head, this would be the happiest time of the day, doing what it was supposed to do for a brief moment.
20:05 Speaker 02 The kettle is designed for hot water.
20:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, as well. I mean, I suppose that's, I mean, Jack, you can't.
20:11 Speaker 02 You can't reply logically.
20:12 Speaker 03 I don't know how Matt's ever got out of the kitchen. Just sitting there splashing hot water on this, cold water on that, putting the placemat on the table, but then rushing, giving the placemat a rest over here. So you've had to be on the table. Then putting a blanket on the table because now it's cold. It's just a nightmare.
20:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, Australia goes into deep drought just because Matt has to keep flushing.
20:41 Speaker 02 Hey, there's something that I'm using socially that I think you do as well. I think you're very good at it.
20:47 Speaker 03 Hmm.
20:48 Speaker 02 A lot of people do it. Um, I just think that I'm very good at it. It's a situation when you bump into someone that you know.
20:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:57 Speaker 02 But you can't remember their name.
20:59 Speaker 03 Oh, my God, my whole life. Yes, outside my house, even sometimes in my house.
21:03 Speaker 02 And, and you have your wife or partner with you.
21:06 Speaker 03 Yep.
21:07 Speaker 02 And you then say, oh, have you met my partner? Because that's the way you get into it.
21:13 Speaker 03 Yep.
21:13 Speaker 02 As a, as a way of getting their name out of them.
21:15 Speaker 03 Yep.
21:16 Speaker 02 Yep. And then they go, oh, yes, introduce themselves. And then the trick is you repeat their name so close to when they said it.
21:25 Speaker 03 You pretended, you pretended they've been a bit rude by talking over you. So you were doing the truckers.
21:31 Speaker 02 Yes.
21:31 Speaker 03 Yes, I know. Well, except I'll give it one tweak. If you've not done this before, Jack, I'll give it one tweak. I'll go, I'll go, um, have you guys met?
21:42 Speaker 03 And then that will start them on the, oh, hi, I'm Peter. But before Peter can do that, I'll go, you guys met, yeah, you've met Zoe before. And you go, hi, I'm Peter. We go, have you not met Peter before? I thought you guys had met.
21:57 Speaker 02 That's, that's it.
21:58 Speaker 03 I'm, I'm, I'll actually make it sound like I'm about to do introductions. But really, the topic of my conversation is why we don't need to do introductions. And Peter will usually slip up and offer a tidbit and I can tell Peter off. I'm going, no, Pete, I think you guys have met before. No, we haven't. My mistake, Pete. So I thought you'd met Pete.
22:17 Speaker 02 That can't work every single time.
22:20 Speaker 03 It can't.
22:20 Speaker 02 Because there's different times, for instance, an old man at the golf club that you see very irregularly. That if you're in, you can't go, surely you've met Zoe who.
22:30 Speaker 03 I'll try anything.
22:32 Speaker 02 I like to do, and we can play our own game here. I like to do while they're saying, oh, Beck, nice to meet you. I'm during that phrase somewhere, I'll go, this is over them. Wait for them to insert, then repeat their name.
22:49 Speaker 03 Wow. Yes. I mean, that's beautiful and pulled off well. It can even with the magic of confidence, it can sometimes even make it seem like you said it first.
22:59 Speaker 02 Yes. So to give everyone an example of this, say the guy's name was James.
23:04 Speaker 03 Yep.
23:04 Speaker 02 Right. And, and he came up to me. I've made some audio representations of this and then we're going to play the game without knowing the names. So say the guy's James, he comes up to me. Good, Andy, how are you, mate? Oh, yeah, great, great to see you. You know Beck? No, I haven't. My name's James. James.
23:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:24 Speaker 02 That's.
23:25 Speaker 03 Great.
23:25 Speaker 02 How it works. So I want to test all of us on our individual, but I've told the producers now none of us know names. Obviously, I have the advantage of having James the name. I tell you what, the AI representations are speaking a lot quicker than I'm used to. So, but let's start with Hame.
23:42 Speaker 03 Yep.
23:43 Speaker 02 Um, you'll have someone, it could be a female or male.
23:46 Speaker 03 Am I talking first or are they talking?
23:47 Speaker 02 They'll talk first. You then have to introduce, you have to say, do you know Zoe?
23:52 Speaker 03 Yep.
23:52 Speaker 02 And then during.
23:55 Speaker 02 His response?
23:56 Speaker 04 Yep.
23:57 Speaker 02 Pick your moment to try and get in with their name.
23:59 Speaker 04 Absolutely love it.
24:00 Speaker 02 Good luck, Ham. Here we go.
24:01 Speaker 07 G'day, Hamish. How are you?
24:03 Speaker 02 Hey, great to see you. Um, you, I'm sure you've met before. You've met Zoe before, my wife?
24:09 Speaker 07 No, I haven't. My name's Mary Ellen.
24:11 Speaker 02 Mary Ellen? Yeah, we've, I thought you guys had met.
24:19 Speaker 02 Pretty good, pretty good.
24:22 Speaker 04 Pretty good, I feel.
24:24 Speaker 02 Jack, do you want, are you confident to click the buttons as well as Doordle? Do you want me to get around there?
24:28 Speaker 04 No, no, I can, I can click. It doesn't have any details on here, so it should be fun.
24:32 Speaker 02 Okay.
24:32 Speaker 04 And play fairly.
24:33 Speaker 02 Okay, good luck, Jack. You're saying you've never done this before?
24:36 Speaker 04 I've never tried to do this, no, but it's always a good time to go first.
24:39 Speaker 02 Okay.
24:40 Speaker 04 All right, here we go.
24:40 Speaker 02 G'day, Jack, how are you? Oh, g'day. Have you met Bianca? Uh, no, I haven't. Uh, my name is Roberto.
24:47 Speaker 04 This is Roberto.
24:50 Speaker 03 You might have said Roberto there.
24:57 Speaker 03 How fast it was. How fast it was really trying to be Roberto.
25:04 Speaker 04 Did you speed our, our ones up?
25:06 Speaker 03 They are fast, were they?
25:08 Speaker 04 I'm nervous because I haven't actually listened to these out.
25:13 Speaker 03 This is actually a good thing to do if you, if you meet us in real life and you suspect we're doing this. Because it sounds like Roberto was trying to trick Jack. Have you met, you guys have met, have you met Bianca?
25:23 Speaker 02 No, I'm Roberto.
25:27 Speaker 03 Just in case he's trying to say my name at the same time. Roberto.
25:31 Speaker 04 And you don't know this one, Andy?
25:32 Speaker 02 No, I don't know. I'm actually a bit nervous now because they are, they're firing out very quickly, but um.
25:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, someone adjust the, adjust the setting on this bowling machine.
25:41 Speaker 04 Okay, here we go.
25:42 Speaker 05 G'day, Andy, how are you?
25:44 Speaker 02 Oh, wow, great to see you. You've met my fiancee Beck before?
25:47 Speaker 05 No, I haven't. My name's Adriana.
25:50 Speaker 02 Adriana?
25:51 Speaker 04 What was the huge pause?
25:54 Speaker 03 You went way too early.
25:56 Speaker 04 I went way too early.
25:57 Speaker 03 This is, two, three, this is?
26:01 Speaker 04 You, you swung in the batting cage before it had even been pitched.
26:08 Speaker 03 Good though. Actually, email those to me, Jack. I'm gonna practise at home. Get my timing right. See if I can beat Braverto.
26:15 Speaker 02 I think if you end up with that poor situation, you've got to think that you've got to make it look like you're choking, like sneezing.
26:22 Speaker 03 Yep. Or kiss him.
26:25 Speaker 03 Something.
26:34 Speaker 03 Guys, I come to you and the people with an admission, I think it's important you get ahead of this stuff, an admission of crime.
26:43 Speaker 02 Oh, you.
26:45 Speaker 02 You've actually committed the crime?
26:47 Speaker 03 It seems so, unfortunately. And there's not a lot I can do about it now. I had to pop over to New Zealand for a business affair recently.
26:59 Speaker 02 Leave legit, play on.
27:02 Speaker 03 Well, thank you. I'm gonna pop you down as a witness, if that's okay, don't. For business. And it was a quick trip, it was only a couple of days. And going through, you go through, you know, obviously you go through New Zealand security and, you know, international security when you land. New Zealand is, and I'd like to say, state on the record, I completely back this up, quite maniacal about biosecurity coming in, like very, and so they should be beautiful ecosystem, got to protect it.
27:37 Speaker 02 If you ever go to your golf clubs or shoes, they'll give them a wash, give them a clean because they'll have a look. And if you've got any grass, you have to sit there and clean them in the airport. And it's not a fun thing.
27:46 Speaker 03 Our mate, Ryan Sheldon, years ago, we went across, we were going on a hike. He'd been wearing his boots in because he was a bit worried he hadn't gone on a hike since year nine hike when we went to school together. He'd been wearing his boots in and they landed and they said he got hiking gear. Yes, is it dirty? No, I think it's pretty clean. Had a look at his boots, bit of nut on them. And to go at the back and he had to write a letter. He had to write an essay saying, I understand.
28:08 Speaker 02 Really? He could give him lines like Bart's.
28:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, he had to fill up a page. And then, and I don't know who you give it to.
28:19 Speaker 02 It's so New Zealand though, isn't it?
28:20 Speaker 03 So, anyway, we go to security.
28:24 Speaker 03 And then when, you know, knowing all this, all good, all good. Um, you've got to put your bag through the scanner and then to get out of the airport, the backpack. The guy brings backpack out and he goes, is this your bag? Yep, because something in it. I said, it usually just happens and I've just got like, I don't know, a battery pack or something. And I'm like, and my bag, my backpack has a lot of compartments. It's actually the world's best backpack.
28:48 Speaker 03 One of many that I own. So I'm like, listen, you might not be familiar with this particular backpack. Where is it? Where can I, how can I help you? Can I find this thing for you? He goes, uh, no, I'll need to do it. And I said, what is it? Is it like a battery or he goes, no, it's round. Like an air tag? I says, is it, is it all like a camera lens or something? He goes, just hold on a second. He goes, did you do a digital declaration or did you fill out the paper card? And I filled out the paper card and then he goes and gets the paper card and hands it to me. Where I've said like, no, I'm not bringing in all this junk. He goes, is this your, is this your handwriting? Yes. I said, what's going on? And he goes, and is that your signature? He said, yes. Can I ask what's going on?
29:33 Speaker 03 He said, please step back while I open the bag. Oh. Okay. Well, we're really not talking to be here, but can, can I ask what's going on? My mind. Are you worried at all? Yeah. For reasons I won't go into, but this, my mind's like, what could be in here? Have I made a big mistake here? Have I bought something that's, that you just shouldn't be across borders? I'm like, no, no, I'm okay. Like, and of course I'm referencing like a knife or something. Yes. But I'm like, no, no, I think I'm okay. Anyway, digs down in the front pouch of my bag, which I very rarely go into. Pulls out an apple. An apple? Oh. What did you think it was? I thought when you said it was round, I thought it's got to be your eight coin coin.
30:18 Speaker 03 You're trying to, yeah, move across borders with something worth all that $10,000. You've said you had no monetary instruments. No, worse, an apple. Oh. And he says, is this yours? I said, well. I said, this is going to sound like a line, but I've never seen that apple before in my life.
30:37 Speaker 03 My uncle gave me this bag.
30:40 Speaker 03 And yeah, I had a whole boogie board full of apples. So I was like, no, I don't know where that apple came from. And he goes, but did you see it just came out of your bags? Yes, we've seen that it's come out of my, I'm not pushing back on you here. It is my handwriting, it is my signature. And he said, okay, so you admit this is your apple. I said, well, I admit it's in my bag and it's a small red apple. And, um, and I don't think you put it in there like a magician. I believe your hands, you actually didn't show me your sleeves like they have to at the casino, which I would have liked before you put your hands in my bag. But for the purposes of not making a scene, I will testify that I don't believe you to be a close up magician. And I believe myself to be at fault here.
31:25 Speaker 03 So I'm like, where is this? Cause putting an apple in my bag is not something I can kind of consciously ever done. That's not a move.
31:33 Speaker 02 And it's fresh?
31:33 Speaker 03 Well, no, but I mean, apples these days, it was kind of waxy, but when I, when you, cause I was like, it can't be a freshie.
31:40 Speaker 02 No.
31:40 Speaker 03 And I squeezed it and it was a little, it wasn't like brown and decaying, but it was spongy. You know that feeling?
31:47 Speaker 02 But quite great that you've got it found. I know, I know you're risking never being able to go to New Zealand again, but that could sit in a bag forever.
31:54 Speaker 03 I mean, amazing. And it was under my emergency rain jacket that I have in there, which I never use either. It's just a nice thing to have in your bag. And I've got the room, I've got the compartments, so why not? Do you know what it occurred to me? So he takes me out the back and as we're walking out there, I'm like, when did this apple get in my bag? I think it got in my bag when we were in South Africa months ago. The last time we would, I would have like packed that bag for an expedition. I took the kids for a dawn hike and I reckon it was a hotel apple that I've thrown in there as a backup. And they've, you know, that's why it's like been so well preserved. Cause they've just got that ability. So I'm like, I have taken that through many airports.
32:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:33 Speaker 03 I have taken that across the seas, like.
32:36 Speaker 02 Back into Oz as well.
32:36 Speaker 03 Literally from the other side of the world.
32:38 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:38 Speaker 03 I've flown it across the ocean, across Australia. I've, I've nested it, I've sat on it, I've incubated it. And now I've brought it to New Zealand as a gift for the New Zealand people from South Africa. So the guy sits me down and I have to like, he gets my passport, photocodes the passport. And he's like, well, this is on your record. I was like, what are you, what? I was like, what is it? What, am I, am I going home or can I stay? He goes, no, you can stay in New Zealand, but it's a $400 fine.
33:06 Speaker 02 What?
33:07 Speaker 03 Because I was like, well, okay. I said, look, you know, I understand you've got rules, rules. You've got to enforce the board, I said, but it does seem like an accidental apple.
33:16 Speaker 02 Hmm.
33:17 Speaker 03 Mishap. And he's just going, yeah, well, that, you know, that's what we do. You've got a like $400 apple.
33:23 Speaker 02 How many lines did you have to write?
33:26 Speaker 03 I rang, I said, I'm not going to do the essay, but I've got my friend Ryan. He will send one through. He's already done it, but I could just change it from hiking boots to apples. And I know I shouldn't do it.
33:37 Speaker 02 And what was it meant to go on your permanent record? So every time.
33:39 Speaker 03 I don't even know why you said that.
33:40 Speaker 02 How many apples are you allowed? Like, is it, is it one, is it, you know, you've got your one strike now? And then next time you try and take another apple.
33:47 Speaker 03 I was just sweating because I had so many bananas taped under my arm.
33:52 Speaker 03 No worries, mate. Just let us out of your net.
34:00 Speaker 03 Round at my folks' house and we're going to watch the footy.
34:04 Speaker 02 My dad has the smallest TV you've ever seen in your life.
34:08 Speaker 03 It's still the same one. Is it?
34:10 Speaker 02 Well.
34:11 Speaker 03 Is it a flat, is it like a plasma?
34:13 Speaker 02 It is a flat screen.
34:14 Speaker 03 Because remember for a while.
34:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, he had the, the deep, well into the reign of plasmas.
34:20 Speaker 03 The tube.
34:21 Speaker 02 And CDs, he had a tube.
34:22 Speaker 03 He had a CRT tube. It was still flat screen because I sold it to him.
34:25 Speaker 02 Yes.
34:26 Speaker 03 I was working at the Sony shop that sold, well, it was actually your TV. Wasn't it your 21st present?
34:31 Speaker 02 That's right.
34:32 Speaker 03 And then you sold it to.
34:35 Speaker 02 You sold your TV to your dad.
34:37 Speaker 03 Didn't sell it to him. And this is what's interesting. And that's why I wanted to give you guys today a brief history of my dad's TVs.
34:45 Speaker 02 Okay.
34:45 Speaker 03 It would be quick because there's probably only two of them.
34:47 Speaker 02 Because I said to him, hey, mate, I think you need to buy a new TV. He goes, never bought one in my life. And I went, really?
34:56 Speaker 03 Wow.
34:56 Speaker 02 How's that possible? Talk me through it. Said, when we first started teaching.
35:04 Speaker 02 It was when I was on a, he's a primary school teacher, me and mum. There was a chance we had a wage, but there was a TV at the school. So I used to bring it home for weekends. At school.
35:13 Speaker 03 And it would have been massive.
35:15 Speaker 02 It would have been huge. Was it on the wheel mount, wheel mounted? Yeah, yeah.
35:19 Speaker 03 So dad. It would have been a trailer, would have been a trailer situation.
35:22 Speaker 02 So dad used to bring the TV home from school for school holidays and on weekends.
35:29 Speaker 03 Unfortunately, so my wife, so Zoe, similar situation when Zoe grew up. Grew up in the country and they didn't have a TV. But Zoe's mum worked at the nearby prison and she had been the prison TV for my kids. So he'd had, you know, property of Goldburn Jail on the side. And she was allowed to bring it home and it was a TV VCR kind of combo.
35:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know the combo, yeah.
35:53 Speaker 03 That was the only, the only like link to the outside world they had was like four VHS tapes. Also, I think borrowed from the prison and then I had to go back Monday. I don't know why the prisoners weren't allowed to watch movies on the weekend.
36:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, they're still there on the weekends. It's still like the school kids.
36:10 Speaker 03 You'd think that would be big, big time. I'm only just realising this now that there was probably riots on the weekend. Because Gertie had taken their TV.
36:20 Speaker 02 So then I said, okay, yeah, but you would have owned one since those early days. And he said, yep, first one we owned was Nutter Wadding Primary School, The Raffle. We won it and we won a TV in 1980.
36:35 Speaker 03 Okay, love this.
36:36 Speaker 02 Great, great. So how long did that last you? And he said, that lasted us 20 years because then you. Was that the one that went all the way up to your 21st? He said, then Hamish and organised a TV for you from Sony Central that your mates bought for you for 21st birthday.
36:54 Speaker 03 I think we all chipped in like $40 to get you a TV.
36:58 Speaker 02 And when you left home, you left that for us and we've just had that. And I said, but that's not the one you've got now. He said, no, I won another one.
37:07 Speaker 03 Wow.
37:11 Speaker 03 Oh my God, are we bringing back special skills?
37:15 Speaker 03 It's Mick, is Mick's special skill that he's never paid for a TV?
37:19 Speaker 02 I said to him, right, right, how'd you win the other one? He said, I was in at Ted's cameras and we were going overseas. I thought I'd better buy a video camera and Mark, the sales assistant suggested I put my name down for the raffle.
37:36 Speaker 02 And he won a second one, the Panasonic he currently has now.
37:40 Speaker 03 How big is this TV?
37:42 Speaker 02 So I said, well, great dad, I think it's time to upgrade it. Um, maybe go have a smart TV. And he's like, yeah, what's that? I said, don't worry about it. I'll work it out, but just, just tell me in what, what size is your TV at the moment? And I can work up that. And he said, yeah, mum doesn't want it too big. We don't need a big TV. I was like, yeah, I think you probably could go a bit bigger because it's very difficult to see. So I said, can you just tell me how big the TV is? He wrote back, it's 20 inches.
38:10 Speaker 04 Oh my God, that's tiny. That's a computer screen.
38:16 Speaker 03 It's smaller than the Qantas, Qantas in-flight back of the chair TV.
38:21 Speaker 04 I used to have, I used to get teased for a 32 inch.
38:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, that was about where the teasing began. Forty two inch was standard. Nowadays, 63 is the norm. It's like.
38:34 Speaker 03 It's a big Apple watch.
38:38 Speaker 02 So I said, oh, look, can we go a bit bigger than the 20?
38:43 Speaker 03 Does he know about bigger ones?
38:44 Speaker 04 You couldn't even get a 20 inch TV anymore.
38:46 Speaker 02 Go a bit bigger than the 20. And he said, yeah. And I said, send me a photo through to it. Right. The frame of it, you know how TVs just go to the edge? The frame of it has like a three inch frame.
39:02 Speaker 03 They're scamming him on the 20. It's a 14 inch.
39:07 Speaker 04 That's so small.
39:09 Speaker 02 So I said.
39:10 Speaker 04 Where do they, do they sit across the room at the other end?
39:12 Speaker 03 They would be able to see it. Why do they find out there's pictures associated with television? They just thought it was radio plays.
39:21 Speaker 02 So I said, oh, look, I think you could go up to a forty inch. He's like, no, way too big. We can't go double.
39:31 Speaker 04 Just don't, this wouldn't make it.
39:32 Speaker 02 Can you look into what's the next size up? And so I logged on to find out what TV I should get him. There are none at the size he wants.
39:41 Speaker 03 I was gonna say, the smallest would be like fifty something.
39:44 Speaker 02 So I said to him, I can get you a monitor.
39:51 Speaker 03 I can get you a green and black medical monitor.
39:57 Speaker 04 You can prop the iPad up on the dresser.
40:00 Speaker 02 I encourage you to go bigger. Like, I feel like it will fit fine. I think you'll get used to it. It might be a small shock to the system that you'll actually be able to see where the football is, because that's all we're watching.
40:11 Speaker 04 Watching football, of course. That's even worse.
40:14 Speaker 03 And we, we, we can tell where the foot is. All the blobs are moving in the one direction. You get, you get the idea of where the ball would be.
40:21 Speaker 02 So I sent him some options at forty three, which I think Jack's still giggling.
40:27 Speaker 03 He's gonna blow his mind. It's like IMAX for him.
40:29 Speaker 02 He's like, and they, you know.
40:31 Speaker 03 Oh, so it's our next.
40:32 Speaker 02 Seven hundred.
40:33 Speaker 03 It's too big.
40:35 Speaker 02 They said seven hundred and fifty bucks or something, right? Like at a, at a good top of the range one. And he's like, no.
40:41 Speaker 03 TVs are unbelievable compared to what they used to cost.
40:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:44 Speaker 03 Like, that's the one thing that's gone down.
40:46 Speaker 02 He's like, mum, that thing's too big, too big. So I said, all right, I found one that's forty inch. And he said, okay, yeah, we, we could go to that. And I said, but it's really expensive because it's so bespoke.
41:02 Speaker 03 It's been made for the space station.
41:05 Speaker 02 So it's nearly three thousand dollars.
41:09 Speaker 02 He said, I would recommend.
41:11 Speaker 03 You can get a 63 inch for like $500.
41:15 Speaker 02 And he's like, hmm, all right, let me come back to it. So that's where we're at.
41:22 Speaker 03 You know what we need to do? We need to create a fake raffle.
41:26 Speaker 02 Yes, that he wins.
41:27 Speaker 03 Door to door with a fake raffle.
41:30 Speaker 02 That's a great idea.
41:31 Speaker 03 You know, hey, raising money for scouts, whatever, couple of raffle tickets. Cause then, then you can put the TV that you want.
41:38 Speaker 02 And give him like an 80 inch TV. We'll do this, watch this space, everybody.
41:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, seems to be the, seems to be the one way he, he acquires a TV, no questions asked. By winning, by winning one.
41:54 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.
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