Pod Insights Hamish & Andy 2025 Ep 297 - How Many Monkeys Are You Carrying? About this episode Hamish questions what actually constitutes “a monkey on your back,” and how many monkeys the average person might be carrying. Naturally, he turns it into a case study - guessing how many monkeys they are each carrying around right now! There’s a toothpaste ad that has Andy completely baffled, and after much anticipation (so much so that we almost forgot), Hamish finally reveals the next industry that he’s about to blow wide open! Andy also takes us inside the WhatsApp chat of our Tall Hat Dream Team to deliver a very important update!
1. Monkeys on our backs
2. Colgate ad stitch up
3. Inside the tallest hat WhatsApp chat
4. Crumpets investigation
Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 A Listener Production.
0:07 Speaker 01 Activate your internet, because the Hay Mission and the podcast starts in three, two...
0:17 Speaker 01 Sorry, it's still buffering. One.
0:23 Speaker 02 Ahoy to me Deep Hollow, Amish. Okay.
0:28 Speaker 03 Porn names?
0:31 Speaker 02 No.
0:32 Speaker 03 Okay.
0:32 Speaker 02 Ahoy to me Vertical. Jack could still be porn name.
0:37 Speaker 03 Not as sexy.
0:39 Speaker 02 Well, mine's-
0:39 Speaker 03 Well, it's Vertical Jack. I suppose if you're always lying down.
0:45 Speaker 02 Mine's, well, this actually does sit on the theme as well, protruding.
0:51 Speaker 03 Wow, so not an innie.
0:52 Speaker 02 Not an innie, but- Or belly button type. Jack's got it.
0:57 Speaker 03 Oh.
0:58 Speaker 02 Well done, Jack.
1:00 Speaker 03 I feel like I assisted again, but well done, Jack.
1:03 Speaker 02 Deep Hollow-
1:04 Speaker 03 A Deep Hollow?
1:05 Speaker 02 Belly button is interesting.
1:08 Speaker 03 So is that, that's an ultra innie, because why isn't it just a hollow?
1:12 Speaker 02 Well, it's-
1:13 Speaker 03 But why, you know what I mean? Why deep?
1:15 Speaker 02 It forms a shadow underneath, like you've got a, like, which is most are deep hollows. Vertical is the one that looks quite like a, like a-
1:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, that is, that is interesting when you see those, like a cat's eye.
1:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, like you'd need two, like at the indoor cricket, you'd need two people either side to pull it back to get in.
1:33 Speaker 03 Sure, sure. Yep, niche, but correct shape, yeah.
1:37 Speaker 02 And obviously your outie.
1:39 Speaker 03 Yep.
1:39 Speaker 02 Um, the, the, uh-
1:41 Speaker 03 It's protruding.
1:41 Speaker 02 It's protruding, so it's protruding, yes. Um, roughly 10% of the population-
1:46 Speaker 03 Yep.
1:46 Speaker 02 Have an outie. Hmm. Uh, ahoy also to Briely Ham, uh, from New Zealand but in Japan, went to hamishandy.com to tell us what she's been up to.
1:55 Speaker 04 Ahoy, Hamish, Andy and number six. Um, I'm currently in Japan, Sapporo, just strolling through uni. Um, but the other day I had to sign some very important documents. And as I was signing it, my boyfriend told me that my signature could use some work. That's when I thought, hey, what happened to Hamish's impulse bar?
2:19 Speaker 03 Yep.
2:20 Speaker 04 With the calligrapher to create the new signatures for you guys.
2:23 Speaker 03 Yep.
2:23 Speaker 04 Anyway, could you use that guy right about now? Sayonara.
2:27 Speaker 03 Great call. Yeah. We should get back on to that.
2:30 Speaker 05 Nah, I reckon that's a genuine Peter out.
2:32 Speaker 03 Oh, should I?
2:33 Speaker 05 Wasn't it a scam? Didn't they not get?
2:35 Speaker 03 I did it twice. I bought it twice for us. And I just don't think, then we just didn't get around to doing it.
2:42 Speaker 05 But we filled out real forms about it. Remember that? We had to fill out like, do we want them flourishy or do we want them?
2:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, I remember that. I just don't, I just didn't. No, I did get one back and I just said, this isn't any of the things I asked for. It's not, it was just quite neatly written, my name, possibly just AI generated. And I went, I don't think that this is, I don't think you've read the brief. And then I just, we just didn't hear from them. But I do still like the idea of getting kind of like a Declaration of Independence type. Yep. Flourishy signature.
3:14 Speaker 05 I've got, I've got.
3:15 Speaker 03 Do we go back to the well a third time and be?
3:17 Speaker 05 Nah, do that in your own time. I've got to delete it then off my desktop because you know, you get those files on your desktop, which don't really have a home. And one of mine is the photo I took of the, what I want the signature to look like. And it's just sitting there.
3:31 Speaker 03 Delete it, man.
3:32 Speaker 05 Okay, it's gone.
3:33 Speaker 03 So it's still, it's still a current project on your desktop.
3:36 Speaker 05 Of it all the time. As I'm clearing out my desktop, I thought, well, this one, we might come back to this at some stage.
3:43 Speaker 03 A slow burn. Well, funnily enough, Jack, interesting that you mentioned that because it's something, this is sort of in the ballpark of what I was thinking I wanted to bring up on today's show. We might as well do it now.
3:52 Speaker 05 Okay.
3:54 Speaker 03 That, I mean, it's not a huge one, but you'd, you'd almost classify that as a quote unquote monkey on your back.
4:00 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah.
4:00 Speaker 03 Just a little something right now.
4:01 Speaker 05 A little niggel.
4:02 Speaker 03 Heard this the other, we all know the saying, but I heard something the other day. It was a friend of mine. They just like finally sorted out a council thing. They're like, he's like, great to have that monkey off my back.
4:11 Speaker 05 Yes.
4:11 Speaker 03 I thought, we do all use that term. And I thought, how many monkeys does the average person have on their back?
4:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:20 Speaker 03 At any one time. We all know where the term came from, obviously.
4:23 Speaker 02 Do we?
4:24 Speaker 03 Back in, well, I think, I, I assume it's from, um, you know, millions of years ago, when we had a common ancestor with the monkeys. Then we split off. We became Homo sapiens, they became monkeys. Then they realised we've made the better choice and they were jumping on our back to get a free ride. And we're like, no, you don't.
4:39 Speaker 02 That's a huge assumption.
4:41 Speaker 03 I don't, I don't know where the, I don't know where they go from, but.
4:45 Speaker 02 I just think it'd be annoying to have a monkey on your back.
4:47 Speaker 03 Monkey on your back, yeah. You wanna get him off.
4:49 Speaker 02 Yeah. And that's the, it's the kind of thing that you say like, I must get him off.
4:52 Speaker 03 This monkey off my back.
4:53 Speaker 02 This is, this is terrible. I can't shower, I can't go to sleep.
4:55 Speaker 03 And it does seem like, and it's, and it's the kind of problem where, I guess it's like, if you just put a bit of effort in, you could get, you could always get a monkey off your back.
5:04 Speaker 02 Yep.
5:05 Speaker 03 But you could also go about your day, forgetting the monkey was on there, if he was light and if he was quiet.
5:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:10 Speaker 03 And then from time to time, he would, you know, yeah, he'd spark up and he might put a claw in your, your hair. And then you remember, I do have that monkey on my back. I must get round to getting rid of that.
5:20 Speaker 02 Yes.
5:21 Speaker 03 So I think.
5:21 Speaker 02 Sometimes a monkey's, the monkey's psychological. Like sometimes his admin, which is.
5:25 Speaker 03 Very rarely is it a real monkey. Yeah, that's right.
5:30 Speaker 02 Almost never.
5:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, they are usually psychological.
5:34 Speaker 02 No, but like, you know, all that admin, like I've got to do that. But sometimes it's just like, oh, he's never won at this particular ground. He's got to get the monkey off his back.
5:42 Speaker 03 Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:44 Speaker 02 It can be like, yes, like getting rid of a curse.
5:46 Speaker 03 A bit of a curse. It can be a curse, yes. And sometimes their monkeys are much smaller than they seem. Just once you start grabbing at it, you're like, oh, I thought it was, you know, more of an orangutan. But this is just a little monkey.
5:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:55 Speaker 03 I just had to put the effort in to get him off my back.
5:57 Speaker 02 Correct.
5:58 Speaker 03 Here's my question to you guys. As a case study, because I was just thinking to myself, we're all walking around with various amounts of monkeys on our back.
6:06 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
6:07 Speaker 03 This, it was interesting, this friend of mine, you know, he's got a pretty busy job and like, he's got three kids. I was like, didn't sound like it was the final monkey off his back. Uh, it wasn't like great to have the final monkey off my back. And so his back still has monkeys on it.
6:23 Speaker 02 When he got rid of this little admin bit.
6:24 Speaker 03 Yeah. So the council thing happened. He goes, I've got that monkey off my back. I wonder how many are left and do we ever get to a stage where we have no monkeys on our back? And would you ever say, great to get the last monkey off my back?
6:36 Speaker 02 You've got to be then getting rid of monkeys faster than new monkeys are grabbing on.
6:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's true. And then the monkeys see so many monkeys on your back and they think there must be something going on on that back. And I want to get on that back. So it can happen. Here's what I want to do. Take a moment, yeah, we might even pause, we can pause the pod. We write down how many monkeys we think we have on our back at the moment. And I'd also think it would be interesting to write down how many we think each other has.
7:05 Speaker 02 Okay.
7:05 Speaker 03 To see if we're close.
7:09 Speaker 03 Okay. Do you want to?
7:11 Speaker 02 Cause I've just got to have a quick think about like what are, what qualifies a monkey?
7:14 Speaker 03 Let's pause.
7:15 Speaker 02 Okay.
7:27 Speaker 02 We're back.
7:28 Speaker 03 Okay.
7:30 Speaker 02 So how do you want to run it? Are we, are we going to say how many we all thought Jack had and then we'll go around it?
7:35 Speaker 03 And then he can reveal the number.
7:36 Speaker 02 Okay. Okay. How many do you think Jack has, Ham?
7:39 Speaker 03 I think Jack has four monkeys on his back.
7:42 Speaker 02 Oh, I had jacked out as two monkeys, only because I feel like he passes a lot of these monkeys to Bianca.
7:50 Speaker 03 Jack wears a Teflon coat.
7:53 Speaker 03 And Bianca unfortunately is underneath with a grippable coat.
7:57 Speaker 02 Yes.
7:57 Speaker 03 That the monkeys can land on.
7:58 Speaker 02 Jack has a, a perspex little bit of plastic that goes around his trunk. Like they stop possums running up trees in Nice Park.
8:07 Speaker 03 That's right. Almost impossible for monkey to get on. I was generous. I gave you four monkeys, Jack.
8:11 Speaker 05 I have exactly four monkeys on my back.
8:14 Speaker 03 All right. Yes.
8:15 Speaker 02 And are you willing to go into some of your personal?
8:18 Speaker 05 Like I can say, I can say all four. There's a down light in the kitchen. It's gone out. Got to do that at some stage. That's been a week now. Do you guys have a will? I've never written a will and that's.
8:27 Speaker 03 That is an absolute monkey on your back here. It takes so long.
8:31 Speaker 05 I don't even know how to start.
8:32 Speaker 03 You should do it. You should do it.
8:34 Speaker 05 That's what everybody says.
8:35 Speaker 03 Well, you should do it. It is a gorilla.
8:37 Speaker 05 Yeah.
8:37 Speaker 03 But you definitely should do it. You know, the hardest part your face is, or maybe not, but when you, when it comes like, okay, you have to answer the question about your kids, like who's gonna look after the gaudy?
8:46 Speaker 05 Hmm.
8:47 Speaker 03 And you go around. But you go, hang on a sec. Okay, if it was them. And you just go through, and I'm sure everyone with kids goes through this. You go, I don't want to live with them. Oh God, no, no, actually it's gotta be us.
8:58 Speaker 05 Yes.
8:59 Speaker 03 We're the best parents.
9:00 Speaker 05 We had that exact conversation.
9:02 Speaker 03 You basically just get depressed because you, you don't finish your will and you just go, I must not die.
9:07 Speaker 05 I must. That's where we finish. It's like, let's not die.
9:10 Speaker 03 Till the kids are 25.
9:13 Speaker 05 I've been asked, I've been asked whether I would be.
9:17 Speaker 03 I mean, yeah, you get, you get it. You, you have to pick someone, but it's not ideal.
9:22 Speaker 05 It's a tou- it's, it's a tough to understand no to. Yeah.
9:26 Speaker 03 Was it a family member? It's got to be a family member.
9:29 Speaker 05 I've had been asked by someone that wasn't a family member.
9:31 Speaker 03 Well, that's weird. That's a celebrity thing. Was it someone on the street? Just a fan of the hundred? Don't do it.
9:38 Speaker 05 Wow. That's a huge ask for a friend. I thought to myself, no. At the time I'm like, well, no, but then I'm in my head going, they're not gonna die. And this is such an easy. It's a huge ask. Your life would change so much. Yeah. And at the time, I wasn't, at the time I wasn't with Beck. So I would have been by myself, single Andy. Strange choice.
10:00 Speaker 03 It's basically two and a half men with Charlie Sheen, I think. Just not as funny in real life and goes for more than half an hour. What, what's your, what's the third monkey?
10:11 Speaker 05 The third monkey is dad got us a board game for Christmas and every time we see him, he goes, you played the board game yet? And we haven't played the board game.
10:17 Speaker 03 So either we hope dad dies or we play the board game. Good to get the monkey off our back.
10:22 Speaker 05 Play the board game. The last one is I went to play golf and they double charged me where she goes, oh, I don't think it worked. And then I had to tap again. And then last week I was looking through my charges. What's that double charge? And so to get the money back, I've got to go back to the golf course. Just play again. Yeah, but it's not my usual golf course, but.
10:45 Speaker 03 Oh, you have a nice life.
10:49 Speaker 02 They're my monkeys.
10:50 Speaker 03 No, that's good. They're, they're, that's nuisances.
10:52 Speaker 02 That's a nice amount of monkeys.
10:54 Speaker 03 A good amount of monkeys. Okay. Um, Jack, how many monkeys do you think Andy had?
10:58 Speaker 02 I said five monkeys and my reasoning was
11:03 Speaker 02 because I've given you a lot more, Hame. I reckon Andy has a lot, like he's got his fingers in a lot of pies, but he's great at getting things ticked off.
11:10 Speaker 03 Okay, I agree with the pies and, but just because you've got your fingers on a lot of monkeys, doesn't mean you're getting them off your back. I gave Andy 15 monkeys.
11:20 Speaker 02 Wow, 15 monkeys?
11:21 Speaker 03 You just have so many things that you get that are going on.
11:24 Speaker 02 He's so good at, they're like, if there's a problem, he addresses it quickly.
11:28 Speaker 05 There is not a, a single admin monkey on my back.
11:34 Speaker 02 Doing a roll.
11:36 Speaker 03 Because I think maybe I go, if I was just dealing with all the admin that Andy embroiles himself in, even his house alone must be 10 monkeys.
11:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, but he's so good at ticking them off.
11:46 Speaker 03 No, Jack, you have no idea. Think of a million monkeys falling from a water bomber, right?
11:53 Speaker 02 Well, hang on, this is.
11:53 Speaker 03 Like, that's Andy underneath with that build, just covered in monkeys.
11:58 Speaker 02 That's an interesting thing because at the moment I have no decisions. It's all with everybody else. So does that mean?
12:03 Speaker 05 See, that's what I mean, like.
12:05 Speaker 02 I know I've got pending monkeys. There'll be monkeys getting placed back on.
12:07 Speaker 03 And he's chucking monkeys at everyone else.
12:09 Speaker 05 Yeah. He's getting monkeys. The only monkey he's really got is that friend's kid. If they, if they pass away sadly and he has to adopt a monkey.
12:17 Speaker 03 And you're not getting that off your back. That's there to stay.
12:19 Speaker 05 Yeah.
12:19 Speaker 03 You might as well get that monkey a little bed because he lives with you. I'm not saying the kid's the monkey.
12:24 Speaker 02 Here are my monkeys.
12:25 Speaker 03 Metaphorically.
12:26 Speaker 02 Here are my monkeys. The wedding invite list.
12:30 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
12:31 Speaker 02 That's a hard, that is a hard.
12:32 Speaker 03 That's a monkey on my back too. When's this bloody bucks party?
12:38 Speaker 03 I need to start locking out dates.
12:40 Speaker 02 I don't love that one. I got asked to write a speech for a person's function and I said yes and it's just slowly coming at me.
12:48 Speaker 03 I hate those ones. It's a monkey. It's a monkey.
12:51 Speaker 02 Um, a present for Jess. I suggested, just Jess's birthday. I said to Beck.
12:57 Speaker 03 Jess that works for you outside. Works for this.
12:59 Speaker 02 I said. That was, that was weeks ago. I know. I said Beck, we should get Jess this. Beck's like, that's not good enough. So what about this? Beck's like, that's not good enough. I said, hey, well, can you organise it?
13:08 Speaker 03 And now Jess gets the treat of having, um, and then thousands of people hear that it's an absolute monkey on your back.
13:15 Speaker 02 It's a monkey on my back. Every time we see Jess, we lie to her and go, she's just here. She's looking at me. We go, it's on its way. We don't know what it is.
13:22 Speaker 03 Presents in general are a monkey.
13:24 Speaker 02 There's a monkey on my. And now it has to be something that justifies that it's on its way. It had to come from overseas. Back to the things that I was suggesting at the beginning, because you go, oh, well, yeah.
13:34 Speaker 03 Custom engraved cowboy boots from Texas or something.
13:38 Speaker 02 Look forward to those coming, Jess. I have choked the last two golf tournaments with my mates. Had a huge lead.
13:46 Speaker 03 Yep. And that's a psychological monkey.
13:48 Speaker 02 So that is one of the.
13:49 Speaker 03 Jack, I'm close on 15 here. He's, he's got a huge list.
13:52 Speaker 02 No, that's, that was four.
13:55 Speaker 02 Um, and then there's a lot of boxes that have been put in my office that I haven't unpacked yet. Of just stuff I don't even know what's inside. What, from moving house? Yep.
14:06 Speaker 03 What brand of boxes are they?
14:08 Speaker 02 Oh, as in.
14:09 Speaker 03 Are they Kennard's or like, is it a great? Just good to know, cause I, small prank we could play, Jack, is just continuously hand check Kennard's boxes to Andy and he'll think that they're from the move.
14:21 Speaker 02 So six monkeys.
14:22 Speaker 03 Hmm.
14:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, nice. I had Hamish at 17 monkeys. I could have gone higher, but I had him at 15.
14:30 Speaker 03 Do you know what? I'm at three.
14:31 Speaker 02 No, no, you don't. You think you're at three.
14:34 Speaker 03 This is, do you know, do you know what I think of my days? I've got, I've got so used to living with monkeys. I just feel like I'm wearing a big jacket.
14:43 Speaker 05 There's no way you've just got three things on your to-do list.
14:46 Speaker 03 Honestly, I'm just, I'm moving, I'm, I'm, I'm one of the monkeys. I've actually been adopted into their tribe. We don't know if they're on my back or I'm on their front. They're probably talking about having a human on their front.
14:58 Speaker 03 We're all just a big wobbling ball of primates. We don't know who's on who.
15:02 Speaker 02 That's, that's interesting, actually.
15:04 Speaker 03 That you just have to accept it. That's life. That's how you get through life, not feeling stressed. You just become one with the monkeys.
15:10 Speaker 05 Yeah, because if you don't care, even if it needs to be done, but you don't care about it, maybe it's not a monkey on your back.
15:15 Speaker 03 So yeah, Zo would look and be like, get that monkey off your back. And he's like, he's been there for ages.
15:28 Speaker 02 Hey, and Jaco, there's an ad going around at the moment, played a lot during the footy AFL football. It has really got me perplexed. And it's got Christian Petraka in it, from the Melbourne Football Club, and Isaac Heaney from the Sydney Swans. Do you guys, have you seen the ad?
15:47 Speaker 05 I've seen the ad.
15:48 Speaker 03 I actually have seen the ad, yes.
15:49 Speaker 02 Do you, do you know where I'm?
15:51 Speaker 05 I reckon I know. It's like.
15:54 Speaker 03 It's, well, you wouldn't expect two stars to be involved in this instance.
15:59 Speaker 05 No, you would say that they were equal footing as their contribution to the game. Yeah, one of them in the ad is obviously a winner and one of them is, is not a winner.
16:10 Speaker 02 Yes, in that particular moment. Yes, you're right, Jaco. That's what I find confusing. So, um, well, just it offers up a lot of questions. So in the ad, for people who don't know, the ball is coming in. Christian Petraka is waiting to catch the ball or mark it. Isaac Heaney is behind him, also wanting to catch the ball or mark it.
16:30 Speaker 03 If you're not familiar with the game of AFL, both players want the ball. Shares that with a lot of other team ball sports. The ball is the desired item.
16:38 Speaker 02 It's an ad for toothpaste, Colgate.
16:41 Speaker 03 Yep. So, so far, if you're just hearing it for the first time, you'd be like, I don't see the connection just yet.
16:46 Speaker 02 Isaac Heaney decides to smile and it's the power of that smile that gives him enough energy and a boost over his, uh, frowning.
16:57 Speaker 03 His teeth and Trac has beautiful teeth, but they're at that stage, they're just not being beautiful. He's there, he's got them sheathed.
17:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:05 Speaker 03 In his mouth.
17:07 Speaker 02 And so then Isaac Heaney takes the mark on top, like, like climbs up on top of Christian and marks on top of him. This is what the ad sounds like.
17:27 Speaker 03 And then the smile is what gets Isaac.
17:29 Speaker 02 Lovely notion. Yes.
17:31 Speaker 03 Now, you've got a, a beautiful notion and I'm all for more smiles than frowns in the world. Are they saying though, it's you smiling that'll make you feel better? Or is it like the positive reaction to your smile? Cause I don't think there's enough time for Isaac Heaney to smile, for the crowd to feel, to notice it and to, to respond positively and then for that energy to reflect back to him and then he's charged up from that energy. He just feels good about himself.
17:58 Speaker 02 He feels good about himself. It gives him the extra energy.
18:00 Speaker 03 And we just having to be the fortunate bystanders that can see the smile.
18:03 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
18:04 Speaker 03 Bright white smile.
18:05 Speaker 02 Here's the parts that I would ask. Did Christian Petracca know that he was going to be the dunce of the ad, not the hero of the ad? Before he rocked up on set because.
18:16 Speaker 03 I think, I reckon both outcomes here, um, make Petracca look like a great guy. Because if you, if the scripture says, player one.
18:25 Speaker 02 Yes.
18:26 Speaker 03 If you're, if you're, and again, he, he would never say this, but like, we can say it. One of the greats, right?
18:32 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
18:32 Speaker 03 One of the, one of the best of all time, all straight. You get a script and it says, player one leaps on player two's back. Thousand percent. If you're one of the superstars of the game, you go, oh, sure. That sounds like great fun. I wonder who player two will be.
18:45 Speaker 02 Exactly.
18:45 Speaker 03 Cause I'm, I'll be soaring high above them. And you know what? I might even take, um, you know, if they've just got some extra that plays like club footy. I might take along a jersey or something just to give to him to go make good fun.
18:56 Speaker 02 I'm with you.
18:57 Speaker 03 I might make this guy's day.
18:58 Speaker 02 I reckon.
18:59 Speaker 03 And then you turn up and it's another star on your, on your level. Then it would get, then you go, oh, who is player one and player two?
19:06 Speaker 02 Yeah. So then, did they film both options or was?
19:10 Speaker 03 That's interesting.
19:11 Speaker 02 Like, and then it's like, let's just see who had the better smile.
19:15 Speaker 03 It would be smart from the ad to do that, but just knowing what we know about ads, you've got very limited time. You can't shoot two versions of the ad.
19:22 Speaker 02 Okay.
19:23 Speaker 03 With each other playing each other's role. Would have been incredibly smart from Colgate to do that. Cause you would have seen the biggest smiles of all time.
19:32 Speaker 03 Their gums would have been ripped off their heads.
19:35 Speaker 02 Desperately trying to be player one.
19:38 Speaker 03 I'll be, watch this, watch this guys. Actually, do you have any like pegs? Sort of the color of my skin that I could use and you could paint out maybe in post? Cause I will get up there. You gotta check. You do have to check. Remember like it was last year, I got invited to speak at a, at a corporate event. And it was a fireside chat for a large, like a tech company from America. And they're like, I'd love you to, you know, would you come? And be like half an hour and they pay you a fee. And I was like, yeah.
20:07 Speaker 02 What's a, what's a fireside chat?
20:08 Speaker 03 Fireside chat is a fancy way of saying Q and A. There's no actual fire. Well, they can be fires, but this was at the Sydney convention center. So no fires in this one. And they went, it's a fireside chat. I went, love Q and A. Like, how good is Q and A? Yeah. I'll, mate, I'll stay for an hour. Yeah. And then they go, great. Um, awesome. We'll, um, get in touch with you. Wake up from the event. They go, okay. So you're going to be with Janine Ellis? The founder of Boost?
20:35 Speaker 02 Yep.
20:35 Speaker 03 Went, oh, wow. Okay. And yeah, what sort of questions do you think you'll ask her?
20:39 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
20:41 Speaker 03 I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm the Q.
20:45 Speaker 03 I was the A. I thought I was the A. Like, no, well, I mean, it's Janine Ellis. I was like, yes, I know. She's.
20:51 Speaker 02 She can't be the A.
20:52 Speaker 03 Much more to say about business, but.
20:54 Speaker 05 Yeah, you totally thought you were player one and then you rocked up and you realised you were player two.
20:58 Speaker 03 Hundred per cent player two. So now I'm like, oh my God, I need to do homework. I thought I was just gonna rock up to the far side and just be player one.
21:06 Speaker 02 Well, here's my other question, if we ever manage to get on track, because we should ask him about these things, but.
21:11 Speaker 03 Because what I was gonna say was if you turn up on the day and you find your player two, what, good on him for just going, yeah, sure.
21:16 Speaker 02 I think you should get paid. I think you should get paid more for being player two.
21:19 Speaker 05 Yeah.
21:20 Speaker 03 Do you think the person in the ad that does more work gets paid more?
21:23 Speaker 02 Not necessarily more work.
21:24 Speaker 03 Mm hmm. Cause I know why you're guarding this. Cause that Jack, long, long running question between Andy and I that we've been asked many times by people. Hey, for the Hubble TV ad that you guys did, did Hamish get paid a lot more?
21:39 Speaker 05 Cause you're dancing in the air in the costume. Yeah.
21:41 Speaker 03 He's in the box, he does all the voiceovers and Andy essentially just sits on the couch. So it's interesting to hear what Andy's argument is here about how you split the money.
21:48 Speaker 05 Would love to know, what is the answer? Was it a 50 50 split?
21:51 Speaker 02 Absolutely, Jack.
21:52 Speaker 05 Yeah. Well, well done to you, Andy. Cause you.
21:55 Speaker 03 Cause it shouldn't be, shouldn't it?
21:58 Speaker 03 He's not dancing, he's not in the box.
21:59 Speaker 05 You're not in the, yeah, you're in the costume. That, I can't believe that.
22:03 Speaker 03 There's one ad where he doesn't even speak.
22:08 Speaker 03 Sitting there as player two, laughing all the way to the bank.
22:12 Speaker 02 Helped him out of the box occasionally, Jack.
22:14 Speaker 03 They have people for that. Didn't need you to do it and I would have paid someone else and it would have been a lot less.
22:21 Speaker 05 Yeah.
22:22 Speaker 02 True.
22:22 Speaker 05 So if Christian Petraga got paid the same as Isaac Heaney, that is the same situation that Hamish should have got paid more, I think than you.
22:30 Speaker 02 So you think Christian Petraga should get paid more or less?
22:32 Speaker 05 More.
22:33 Speaker 02 Same.
22:33 Speaker 05 More because he's.
22:34 Speaker 02 And Isaac Heaney would be saying, they're going, but I'm the guy smiling and the brand Colgate comes over the top of Isaac Heaney when he catches the ball.
22:42 Speaker 03 Arguably they're using Heaney's teeth and the.
22:45 Speaker 02 To sell the product.
22:46 Speaker 03 The tooth person is.
22:47 Speaker 05 Yeah, but I.
22:48 Speaker 03 But I agree, the reputational risk.
22:50 Speaker 05 Yes.
22:51 Speaker 03 He has, he has. The reputational risk.
22:53 Speaker 02 Similarly, Hamish has made more sacrifice than Hubble. But it's me going, yeah, this is a great product. It's really selling the product.
23:00 Speaker 05 Yeah, but Hamish has made this.
23:01 Speaker 03 No, it's not.
23:04 Speaker 03 There were murmurs, Ando, because true or false, there were a few days on set where you left before me too.
23:10 Speaker 02 No, all days on set. True, yeah.
23:12 Speaker 03 And there were murmurs as I was, I was walking off set and you're like the camera guys and the unit and stuff and the people packing up, it was like 30 people on set. There's a lot of rumbles going, God, could we have just been anyone on that couch? I was like, come on, guys, you did a good job.
23:25 Speaker 03 People were like, mate, I could have just sat there if it's just a guy on a couch. I was like, oh, okay, well, he's, he's okay.
23:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, which didn't really trend to like, but the whole idea was meant to be a play on words of Hubble and Andy, Hamish and Andy.
23:37 Speaker 03 Oh, I never got that. And that plays all the time.
23:40 Speaker 02 That only works with the and Andy, hence making me as integral.
23:49 Speaker 03 I feel your track.
23:50 Speaker 02 I feel for you.
23:56 Speaker 02 Ham, tall hat update.
23:58 Speaker 03 Great. Is this from the team, the production team?
24:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, so people may remember that we've got Sam and we've got Grace. Grace is at university studying aerospace engineering.
24:10 Speaker 03 Sick.
24:10 Speaker 02 And, and, and Sam has moulds and does manufacturing of carbon fibres and other materials.
24:19 Speaker 03 Just seems like the perfect mix of theory and practicality, doesn't it?
24:23 Speaker 02 Yeah. Couple of episodes ago, you said, you made the comment that we should be more involved in being across what they're, what they're up to.
24:31 Speaker 03 Yep.
24:31 Speaker 02 So we started them on a WhatsApp. I've now added myself to.
24:36 Speaker 03 Surprised you didn't do a website form that's really fiddly.
24:39 Speaker 02 Every time you have something to say, just simply go on.
24:42 Speaker 03 Simply upload it to hatchat.org and then I, as the admin, will jump on the backend, scroll through the code and have a look at what you've said.
24:51 Speaker 02 I have got into the WhatsApp, Ham. I'm now there, but it feels like you, that I'm surveilling them. You know, I very rarely add much, Jack. And then I wait for them to chat and you never know when the chat's coming. And suddenly at night, for instance, they have a question for each other and then they go back and forth and it's.
25:13 Speaker 03 And I'm gonna say what I love about these two is, and this won't surprise anyone, but I'm just gonna say it anyway. Obviously, at this stage, our hat business is cash flow negative. So they aren't making any money.
25:28 Speaker 02 No.
25:28 Speaker 03 This, this is just passion. This is, they're just building this for the love of the people's podcast here. So you gotta, you gotta love them.
25:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, they did mention that in conversation.
25:39 Speaker 02 I'm not going to focus on that right now, but again, I'm not sure if they are aware that I'm there surveilling them.
25:44 Speaker 03 Well, maybe me saying stuff like this and getting the word out there about how generous they're being with their time. Might hose down any requests for money.
25:55 Speaker 02 It will remind them of their passion.
26:01 Speaker 02 Well, guys, what I think, thought I'd do is in the coming weeks, I will relay to you what is being discussed on the WhatsApp.
26:08 Speaker 03 Right, great.
26:09 Speaker 02 I've used AI to regenerate their voices so we can get their conversations. Then we pause and then we contemplate it. We can get back to them. It's a new segment called.
26:22 Speaker 02 Conversations of Tall Hat Construction.
26:27 Speaker 03 This is extra exciting because even, even WhatsApp can't do this. That's their whole thing. Like, we can't get into your messages. It's end to end encrypted. By having someone in the chat, you can, obviously. So, you know, if, um, if Mark Zed ever asks to join your chat, yes, and you don't want him to know, you should keep him out. But this is huge, Andy, that we're spying inside of WhatsApp.
26:50 Speaker 02 There's three conversations that I want to concentrate on today, um, that happened this week. First one, just to give you a sense, I mean, there were, I downloaded it and converted it to a Word doc. It was five full Word doc pages for this week of conversation.
27:06 Speaker 03 And that's just back and forth between them. You're never chatting to them.
27:08 Speaker 02 Never chatting to them.
27:11 Speaker 02 This is give you an idea, this is AI's best representation of Sam, who's in the manufacturing side. This is the kind of stuff that he's bringing up.
27:19 Speaker 06 So we have access to an oven for pre-preg, but that's only a thousand by six hundred by four hundred millimetres. We've been thinking about it at work and reckon we'd make a twelve hundred millimetre mould with both the top and base on it. We'd then lay up and cut the lengths that we need and assemble the full hat post-cure.
27:41 Speaker 02 I had no idea what that means.
27:42 Speaker 03 All right, couple of things he's saying there. First of all, let's get our giggles out of the way at pre-preg, because where I come from, pre-preg is sex.
27:54 Speaker 03 That's, that's, that's how you get to, that is pre-preg. Anyway, I assume that means something else there.
28:00 Speaker 02 Well, I looked that up. That is the type of different fibers and materials that they, that all get injected in to create a certain mould.
28:07 Speaker 03 And they're impregnating the mould. Which, again, we're scientists, so let's keep it cool. I think what he's saying though is we only got an oven so big. So in, in, in, in other words, if you're trying to create a ten metre high sponge cake, you're obviously not cooking that in one batch. I think what he's doing, saying is we're gonna tear it up. Um, so we're gonna build different layers and you're essentially building like sticks in a circle times fifty, and you're just stacking them yourself.
28:36 Speaker 02 Well, they, they, they went back and forth on materials, et cetera, on that front. That, to me, was a bit boring. But then, this is where I thought the conversation got interesting. So I feel like when I'm watching the WhatsApp, that I'm in a van outside just listening to people. And then, you know, some guys wander off to get donuts and a coffee. And then you go, oh, they're talking about something that I find interesting. And this is part of the conversation.
28:59 Speaker 06 What are your thoughts on balancing? The more I think about it, the more I think we'll have a big problem with it staying upright while walking.
29:06 Speaker 00 Apologies, just getting home from uni now. Hmm, my thoughts on this was having a bottom heavier hat, even using the brim to distribute more weight.
29:16 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was thinking of a similar brim idea. If we dropped the level of the brim below where the hat contacts the head and lined it with lead, then we can have the centre of gravity below the point of rotation. Should make it want to remain upright.
29:31 Speaker 00 Yep, 100%. Not sure how we could get it below the point it touches the head. You'd want as much surface contact as possible, but we are on the same page. I did have another idea if we had someone with a ponytail wearing the hat to put it through the back of the hat as extra support like a cap, but not sure if that's above board.
29:52 Speaker 02 Now, I don't think that is above board because yeah, I've never seen a top hat with a ponytail.
29:58 Speaker 03 With a tail hole.
30:00 Speaker 02 No.
30:01 Speaker 03 I mean, yeah, you can only imagine if they stayed fashionable, one would have been made, but alas, the world moved on and top hats fell out of favour. Let's go back to this weighted brim idea though. Ballast, ballast brim.
30:13 Speaker 02 So they're saying it's going to be a wide brim, but it's only obviously been a top hat wide, but it will have at the outer edge of the brim, lead all the way around to make it heavier at the bottom to add a base and more structural support.
30:30 Speaker 03 Again.
30:31 Speaker 02 To keep it on.
30:31 Speaker 03 If you've got one of those, you know, inflatable toys, you punch and it comes back.
30:36 Speaker 02 Yes.
30:36 Speaker 03 It's, it's, it's using that kind of idea to have a very, very heavy base.
30:40 Speaker 02 And were they talking about having the brim lower than what you would usually have?
30:44 Speaker 03 That worries me because I think it has to look like a hat.
30:47 Speaker 02 Well, that's where I need to jump in and go to, at some point, jump on the WhatsApp and go, hey, guys, just going to make it straight here. It has to be a replica of a known hat.
30:58 Speaker 03 You can't have brim around your shoulders or something like that.
31:00 Speaker 02 This is where the FBI listening van analogy breaks now a little bit because this is you hopping out of the van, ducking inside and saying to the sopranos, sorry, guys, just need to let you know, I just need you to just speak up a bit when you're talking about the syndication stuff. So yeah, we just can't hear what you're saying. Okay, as you were, I'll just be, I'll be back in the van.
31:17 Speaker 03 True, true, true, true. So I'll have to get them straight on that. We can't have, like what I thought they were hoping for is like if you had, say, an extra length and I hold.
31:32 Speaker 02 In the top, like so for instance, like a more of a mascot. Yeah. Yeah. But.
31:37 Speaker 03 The other thing we could do is hang corks of lead off it. Like, so it's a cross between a swagman's hat and a top hat. But again, that's not, that does violate the rule.
31:48 Speaker 02 No, but could you have heavy corks and just make it a, a bush hat?
31:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, we could say it's a swagman's hat.
31:55 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
31:55 Speaker 03 And the heavy corks are to stay, we know they're for stabilization.
32:00 Speaker 02 You'd want them to be.
32:01 Speaker 03 This could give us the edge over the Americans who currently hold the record because they would have never thought of a bushy's hat.
32:05 Speaker 02 But you would need, I don't think you'd want the corks on a string. They'd need to be on rigid rods.
32:13 Speaker 03 Not necessarily. It just is about getting the weight under their head.
32:17 Speaker 02 Rolling around.
32:18 Speaker 03 Doesn't matter. It's all just under that line.
32:20 Speaker 02 Okay. So it does, it does mean that whoever's wearing the hat may have to wear a mouthguard. He's one of the weighted corks.
32:31 Speaker 03 But again, again, and I, and this comes down to who our athlete is who wears the hat, the hat, hat fleet. But they, they, they've got a huge responsibility driving this hat. You take off too fast, that thing topples backwards.
32:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:44 Speaker 03 The correct way to drive the hat, the more I think about it, and this is what they're talking about with balance, would be ever so slightly lean your head forward. And the hat begins to topple forward and then you smoothly accelerate under it and kind of catch that topple. That's how I would imagine you drive the hat. Cause if you just take off from a standing start with your head upright, that thing's going backwards, going backwards. This is another part of this conversation.
33:07 Speaker 06 I also looked into helium. Unless it was pressurized, that volume will only make around 300 grams of lift. So I don't think it's worth chasing.
33:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, don't think it's worth the hassle. I don't think weight will be a problem. You can apparently hold 20% of your body weight on top of your head, so I think we are good for that.
33:27 Speaker 06 Agreed. Not including balancing weights, I think we can be under 12 kilograms.
33:33 Speaker 03 It's a 12.
33:34 Speaker 02 Wow.
33:35 Speaker 03 Don't just, how quickly did Grace just go off going, I've heard you can hold 20% of your body weight. Yeah, that's like very strong African women who have grown up doing that with like a giant, like, you know, 10 barrels of water on their head from birth and it's in a quiet skill. We ain't holding 20 kilos on our head.
33:54 Speaker 02 No, no.
33:55 Speaker 03 Or 12.
33:56 Speaker 02 12.
33:57 Speaker 05 Well, there's some head there. That's some heavy corks as well.
34:00 Speaker 02 They're saying that it's around about the 12 kilo mark.
34:04 Speaker 03 That's a whopper.
34:07 Speaker 03 Do you go to the gym, grab a 12 kilo dumbbell and pop it on your head? And just see how comfortable you think that might be. That is, that's heavy. I mean, I know the weight's distributed, hopefully through a system, you know, internally.
34:20 Speaker 05 Or lead, lead rim or the cork.
34:23 Speaker 03 The thing is, yeah, I'll accept the extra. I would have thought, I'd accept the extra weight if it's really going to help the balance. But gee, it wants to be light further on.
34:32 Speaker 02 I think they're talking about 12 kilos before the lead rim.
34:36 Speaker 03 How do you feel about this? That's a bloody heavy hat.
34:38 Speaker 02 I just feel like Ricardo, we, we, I've come back to asking Daniel Ricardo. It's a, a strong necked person, but.
34:47 Speaker 03 I hate to say this out loud because my phone's in here and I think I, I thought I got through this. But I get served quite a lot on Instagram, an ad for a thing. I was trying, I was just saying a bit quietly here because the phone's listening. For a thing called the iron neck.
35:06 Speaker 03 And it's a training aid to strengthen your neck. I'd move, I thought I'd moved on from that. I managed to get, get through that.
35:15 Speaker 02 Well.
35:15 Speaker 03 But it might start advertising at me now a lot more. Do I buy one and start training?
35:20 Speaker 02 I mean, it comes down to the discussion that we'll have to have in future weeks is who's wearing the hat.
35:25 Speaker 03 I think we'd need eight weeks notice before, before go time to strength to do an eight week neck strengthening program.
35:32 Speaker 02 And we need to think about it. We can't just have a conclave because the three of us will all just vote for ourselves to wear the hat. I think it's good. We've been down that path. So to be continued.
35:47 Speaker 03 Guys, at the end of last year, I hinted at something. That I said, look, I'm working on it for next year. And.
35:56 Speaker 02 It's gonna be anything.
35:59 Speaker 02 Are you just telling us you're gonna keep kicking it down the road?
36:02 Speaker 03 Shame, shame, shame on you. Do you really think I'd be bringing it up if I didn't have something concrete to bring you?
36:07 Speaker 02 Yep.
36:11 Speaker 03 I said, I'm working on a case. It's gonna take some time and it's about crumpets. So as to give you some context, so you weren't just like, well, anyone can say they're working on a case.
36:22 Speaker 02 Yes.
36:23 Speaker 03 I was working this specific case, crumpets.
36:26 Speaker 02 What were you had to work? What was the case again? That's all we got told. Oh, we don't know.
36:33 Speaker 03 Was your question, what have you been working on?
36:35 Speaker 02 No, like.
36:36 Speaker 03 The case, the case.
36:38 Speaker 02 Do we know any details of the case? Cause I can't remember crumpets.
36:40 Speaker 03 No, you don't yet. And that's one of the, that's one of the new things I'm bringing to the table today to tell you about the case.
36:46 Speaker 02 Oh, so we didn't even know it was crumpets?
36:48 Speaker 03 You did know it was crumpets.
36:52 Speaker 03 You knew the genre. You knew that something was being investigated under the subheading, crumpets.
36:58 Speaker 02 My recollection, Jack, was he says work on a case.
37:01 Speaker 03 But can I just say, by all means?
37:04 Speaker 03 Take the time here and pad.
37:07 Speaker 03 I got no issue with the padding.
37:10 Speaker 03 I welcome it.
37:13 Speaker 02 Yeah. I said, anyone can say that. You have to tell us what area it's in. Because otherwise you could just say you work on a case. He said crumpets.
37:19 Speaker 03 Do you have any questions to that?
37:21 Speaker 02 I now remember, please proceed.
37:25 Speaker 03 Well, we might be out of time. We might have to pick it up next week, unfortunately. No, okay, I'll give you, I'll give you a little bit more. From a very alert listener, Cassie, she came to me and she said, look, I know you've got a lot on your desk. True, but I'd like you to blow something wide open. Okay. Now, before I get out the dynamite, before I get out the truth, jelly night. You gotta do, you gotta do your research. She lives in Adelaide. Something like that. I know that would have been not in the last few weeks, but you just never know.
37:55 Speaker 02 Did he do one last year?
37:57 Speaker 05 Nah, he did one this year at some point, didn't he? But like it was like you didn't even get the sound effects prepared or anything. You just.
38:04 Speaker 03 We might not have time for this today, actually.
38:07 Speaker 05 So what, what?
38:08 Speaker 03 Too much talking.
38:09 Speaker 02 What does she say?
38:09 Speaker 03 Um, okay. So Cassie's in Adelaide. She was in Brisbane last year competing in high rocks, which is a fitness thing. But in preparation for this, she did a food shop. The reason I mention high rocks is because you've got, obviously you've got to fuel up before the event. She got all the stuff that she gets to fuel a pre-game, you know, chocolate milks, muffins, cereal.
38:28 Speaker 02 What's high rocks?
38:30 Speaker 03 It's like it's a, you do a lot of exercises in a row.
38:32 Speaker 05 Yeah, like an Ironman type thing with exercises in between.
38:35 Speaker 03 Like an hour and a half of running and.
38:38 Speaker 05 You run, then you do burpees, then you run some more.
38:41 Speaker 03 Get on a roller. It's a tough way to spend an hour or two. So she's obviously, she's good at it because she's travelling interstate for it. So she got crumpets. That's quite a popular pre-marathon, pre-race snack that you come across. She's had crumpets and she said, at first I thought I was going crazy because these didn't look like the same crumpets we have in Adelaide. Same brand, same circle, but they'd looked better. They look thicker, wider and fluffier. So she goes, I was with my friend at the time and asked her if she thought the same thing. She wasn't sure because she hadn't had a crumpet since she was a kid. Okay. So just to show she's doing her homework, but sometimes not all leads lead everywhere. She goes, okay, I eat
39:23 Speaker 03 them. It was incredible. It was like biting into a cloud. Those are the most incredible crumpets I'd ever had.
39:28 Speaker 02 And so which state are you in at the moment?
39:30 Speaker 03 She's in Queensland.
39:31 Speaker 02 Queensland.
39:32 Speaker 03 First thing I did when I got home, ran to the store, got another pack of the same crumpets. She was like, confirmed my suspicions. They were thin, brown, almost dehydrated in comparison.
39:43 Speaker 02 But the same brand.
39:45 Speaker 03 Same brand. It's now a month later. She's gone back to Queensland. Bang, fluffy crumpets again.
39:52 Speaker 02 Same variety of the brand?
39:53 Speaker 03 Same variety. Yep, yep. White crumpet. Yeah, you go white and brown. Yeah, yep. Same, I've checked, white, round crumpets.
40:01 Speaker 03 So she goes, okay, what's going on? Puts it on our Instagram stories. She goes, I discovered it's not just Adelaide. People from Melbourne and Sydney have noticed that when you go to Queensland, the crumpets are fluffier.
40:13 Speaker 02 Wow.
40:13 Speaker 03 Okay.
40:14 Speaker 02 Yeah. So have you got some of these crumpets for us?
40:18 Speaker 03 So what I'm saying is, I thought the only thing to do is we have a test where we get fresh, day fresh crumpets. Has to be bought that day and express posted to us. So we have Queensland and we have every other major capital city. And we do a blind tasting to see which one is the fluffiest.
40:36 Speaker 02 Great.
40:37 Speaker 03 And that is happening next week.
40:42 Speaker 03 So if you get, no, no, no, no, hang on. If you get contacted this week by someone called Carly from the Hamish and Andy Show. You have been specially selected to go to the shops and buy the crumpets and express post them back to us. For next week, that's why I need to say it now, okay? Not a scam, that will be Carly. Carly will be calling.
41:00 Speaker 02 So Carly's going to look up our database.
41:03 Speaker 03 Just get someone from every cap city.
41:04 Speaker 02 And they've, and they've got to go and express post.
41:07 Speaker 03 They have chosen, they win the chance to be part of this experiment.
41:10 Speaker 02 And what are we doing in exchange?
41:12 Speaker 03 Eating the crumpets?
41:13 Speaker 02 So what do they get out of it?
41:16 Speaker 03 We'll name check them.
41:17 Speaker 02 Okay, beautiful.
41:18 Speaker 03 So you get, yeah, you, you know, this, this experiment is thanks to our loyal crumpet mules.
41:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:24 Speaker 03 Um, from every capital city and then we will be able to test next week.
41:27 Speaker 02 Perfect. I like it.
41:28 Speaker 03 Yep. Thank you. As I had to, had to have a laid up.
41:31 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
41:31 Speaker 03 I'm just petting.
41:35 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.
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