2025 Ep 289 - Highly Suspect: Andy's White Powder Results

With a “detective” on standby, Hamish reveals the lab results of the white powder Andy found in the walls of the 1876 house he’s renovating. Andy’s also been accused of wearing the same clothes way too often, which sparks a discussion on how long you can wear certain items of clothing. Hamish shares the tale of the mystery undies, plus we’ve got an update on our upcoming Special Skills Conclave! 1. White powder lab results 2. How often should you wash your clothes? 3. Chit Chat Champions 4. Mystery undies 5. Pre conclave excitement & logistics

• 0:02Speaker 00

  A Listener Production.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Activate your internet, because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two...

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Sorry, it's still buffering. One.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  Ahoy to me wall, Hamish.

• 0:27Speaker 03

  Parts of the eye.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  No.

• 0:30Speaker 03

  Ahoy to me frog, Jack.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Ribbit, ribbit.

• 0:34Speaker 03

  Um, parts of a fairy tale.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Ahoy to me the soul.

• 0:40Speaker 03

  Wall, frog and soul. I'll be honest with you, as you came in, I thought I saw a printout sheet.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  Did you try to cheat?

• 0:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  I thought you mustn't, because there's no reason you'd ever get.

• 0:52Speaker 03

  I was just gonna say parts of the eye, and I was looking at it from a distance upside down, and it looked like something printed out of an encyclopedia and highlighted. No, no, I think that's a schematic of the human eye.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  So, even though I feel like I do know the eye pretty well, optic nerve, cornea, retina, when you said wall...

• 1:13Speaker 02

  Well, I could have a wall.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, that's what I was thinking.

• 1:18Speaker 03

  You don't want the wall with your eye. Hamish, to get rid of it. So I was so confident that I'd cheated properly. Even though he said wall, I'm still gonna cheat it.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  Soul, I thought would be the giveaway.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  I can't remember the other ones I was saying.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  I was a frog.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, Jack was a frog.

• 1:35Speaker 02

  That's not in the eye. We are parts of a horse's hoof.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  That does look like an eye from a different angle.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  The bottom of an eye. Yeah, the, the wall ham, you're the hard outer part of the hoof. The nail. Yes, uh, which bears most of the horse's weight, so thank you for that.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  Pleasure.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Um, Jack the frog, V-shaped rubbery structure, you're absorbing the, the shock absorber.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  You're welcome.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  That's at the back of the horse's hoof, and I am the soul at the bottom, getting stepped on.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Heart and soul.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  Um, alright, we're all of the horse's hoof.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Ahoy also to Andrew, who went to hamishandandy.com to let us know what he's been up to. Very easy to use system there.

• 2:13Speaker 04

  Ahoy, Hamish, Andy and number six. I think it's time I need to lose touch with the common man. For a while now, one of my cats has been doing a few too many turds and a few too many weaves in my wardrobe. I've tried everything that a common man can try with no success. So I think it's time I need to get a special guest to my house and get Chris Hemsworth's Cat Whisperer over to my house. So if Amy can pass it on to me, that would be excellent. Bye for now.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  I'll send her details. Did she ever come?

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Did she ever come?

• 2:43Speaker 03

  I must chase that up. I think it's funny because yeah, um, Jimothy, one of the cats was peeing on Zo's pillow, which is like quite an aggressive stance to make as a human or a cat. But then he, he stopped and we didn't need to get Chris Hemsworth's Cat Whisperer. But he did do it again recently. But it wasn't on the pillows, on the couch. Do you think Jimothy heard whispers of you getting the Whisperer? Yeah. And they thought I'd better straighten up here. I think it's well known in the cat community that once Chris Hemsworth's Cat Whisperer comes in the house, you're just completely reprogrammed and you know, you.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  Like severance.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, they can control your brain. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Um, so that's still on the cards. We've got a lot of things going on at the moment in the show, but I pledge by the end of it. I have a whole day, a whole lap where. Dedicated to. Dedicated to the whispering of Jimothy. Now, Andy, I can't pledge that because we've got something more. I was so close to sending the text and organising that show. We've got something more important. Mm hmm. I have in my hand the results from the lab where you sent your mystery white powder that you found in the wall of your home. Mm hmm. To get analysed. Now, Andy.

• 4:04Speaker 02

  Could they tell how old the powder was? Does that come through?

• 4:07Speaker 03

  No. I mean, you could get it carbon dated, I suppose, but that's not, you don't often hear. The police go, we busted a kilogram of pure heroin, which we date to have been made last June. Or, you know, or the Cretaceous. No, I suppose you could get it dated, but no, I mean, it obviously was very old. It was in a vial that you found in the wall.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  It looked like a handmade glass. It wasn't factory made glass and the cork had snapped off inside it and there was a white powder within it. And we looked up when cocaine first arrived in Australia and that was 1870s and this house was built.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  And there was a picture of that bottle in the encyclopedia, believed to be in this bottle, went missing in the 1880s.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  And, and the house that we are redoing is from 1876.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Yes. Built and true or false, when you looked into the records of the house with the historical society, built all in cash, paid more all in cash? And, and the occupation of the original owner was simply colourful import, export character.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  No, no, none of that. It was, everything exceeds the above board and that's why I thought I'd safely bring in the vial of white powder.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  So you admit it was, it was at your property?

• 5:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  And then in your possession?

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  Okay. I just need to get that on the record because joining us on the line, Detective Lachlan Maxwell from the Narcotics Enforcement Division of Victoria Police. Are you there Detective Maxwell?

• 5:33Speaker 05

  Hello gentlemen, or should I say Hamish and Mr Escobar?

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Now, can I just tell you?

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Is Lachlan actually a detective?

• 5:42Speaker 03

  Lachlan and the boys down at the NED are licking their lips, waiting to hear, waiting to hear the results of what I've got in this envelope.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Lachlan, are you a detective?

• 5:51Speaker 05

  Of course I'm a detective Andy.

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, what, what division?

• 5:55Speaker 05

  Hang on, hang on. Who's the one asking the questions around here? Because I know that, I know the training that I've gone through and, and that's not what I'm on the line for, to answer your question. So I think you should be answering a few of mine. No, no, no, I think you should be asking a few of mine here today, Andy. So, um, how long have you been importing cocaine for?

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, good detective Maxwell.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  All I know is it requires efforts to get an actual detective and it requires zero effort to get a friend. You're pointing at lies.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Carly, Liza.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Okay, you guys wouldn't lie to me. Is it an actual detective?

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  They're both nodding.

• 6:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, but they got like that kind of Wallace and Gromit.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 6:33Speaker 05

  Andy, I must say that we have been tracking you for quite some time.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  See, they're on to you, mate.

• 6:37Speaker 05

  We do have a cell ready for you, Andy, so I know that people of your nature, they do tend to get quite bored in their later years as a celebrity and start to venture out.

• 6:47Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  He's seen it before. He's seen it before. He's seen it before, Andy. Okay, I'm opening the envelope.

• 6:54Speaker 06

  Is this actually the result?

• 6:55Speaker 03

  This is actually the result from Oz Health. And that's, I thought I'd get, I thought I'd get someone on the line that can take you immediately into custody. I'm for business, coming on the show and admitting that you've possessed and trafficked a small quantity.

• 7:07Speaker 06

  It's hard to take someone into custody over the phone, though.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, well.

• 7:10Speaker 06

  Should have got him with handcuffs outside the studio door.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Theatre of the mind, Jack, I only had the...

• 7:14Speaker 06

  You haven't even read it yet, so you're reading it first.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  This is it.

• 7:16Speaker 06

  Okay. Wow.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Um, okay. Substance analysis report, this is from Oz Health. These, this is the lab that did, um, did the report.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Heroin.

• 7:34Speaker 06

  No, I wouldn't say.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  No, I'm not saying that's what's in it, I'm just saying they test, they have to test for specific things.

• 7:38Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  There's no machine that goes, tell me what's in this.

• 7:41Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  It's a banana. Thanks, machine, now I'm gonna give you a tricky one, it's just a powder. Uh, heroin, six M A M and morphine, not detected.

• 7:51Speaker 06

  Great.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  Methamphetamine.

• 7:54Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Not detected.

• 7:56Speaker 06

  Great.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  MDMA.

• 7:58Speaker 06

  Surprise, it was in the 1800s?

• 8:00Speaker 03

  Not detected.

• 8:01Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Fentanyl.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  Not detected. LSD, again, 80 years before it was invented, I think, but not detected.

• 8:11Speaker 06

  Great.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  PCP, not detected, but now, we get to the big show.

• 8:17Speaker 06

  The big C.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Cocaine.

• 8:20Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Are you ready, Detective Maxwell?

• 8:24Speaker 05

  I am.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  Are your agents in position in the air conditioning vents above Andy?

• 8:34Speaker 05

  Oh, yes, they are, haven't they?

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Tell them to stand down. Unfortunately not detected.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  No.

• 8:41Speaker 03

  Illicit substances or hazardous compounds, detective.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Could they, could they tell us what it actually was, the powder?

• 8:48Speaker 03

  A benign substance. So like chalk or magnesium or something like that.

• 8:54Speaker 05

  Can we demand a redraw?

• 8:56Speaker 02

  No, mate, go with.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  You'll get him another day, Locky. You'll get him another.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Either go and catch the incorrect criminals or head back to your amateur theatre company. Whatever is more appropriate.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Can you arrest someone for not respecting the police?

• 9:13Speaker 05

  Oh, of course, of course.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  I think you're the only person breaking the law here, impersonating an officer.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  impersonating an officer.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Uh, our police, his real name is Dylan Jenkinson. Dylan, how are you?

• 9:26Speaker 05

  I'm good, Ham. How are you?

• 9:27Speaker 03

  Very good. He wrote in during the week and I thought, you know what? We, I just had a quick thought this morning. We should have got a cop up to take Andy in the custody. But they, they don't want to come on and muck around.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  Um, so I got you going, mate. You should have seen your mate. You thought it was a cop. Do you know who Dylan wrote in this week?

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Dylan, tell everyone why you emailed the show.

• 9:45Speaker 05

  Um, so I, I had a bit of a thought process of when these shirts were going around for a certain character that we should not be mentioning.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yep.

• 9:52Speaker 05

  That just simply wearing a shirt is not enough. There is time in the day. I could get seven. I could get more than seven shirts, but there's time in the day when you've got to change over that shirt. There is a small amount of accountability that, you know, you, you're missing out on there.

• 10:06Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 10:06Speaker 05

  So I thought I'd take it one step further and get it tattooed on my leg. So that means I am accountable 24/7 and I will never mention this person.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  Ah, mate, so I saw that and I went. Geez, if we need someone for the show, Dylan.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Dylan did, yeah, yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  And you, I thought you pulled it off really well, Dylan, but Andy.

• 10:27Speaker 05

  He smelled a rat.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, he did smell a rat. Dylan, it's nothing to do with your performance. It's all to do with Hamish's ability to actually forward the.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  Well, because we were trying to get police and they come back and they, oh, I don't really want to come on and muck around.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  The funny thing is Andy knew it wasn't a police officer, but then he at least gave you the credit to go, it's an amateur theatre actor. He wasn't even that.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, I appreciate that.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  I'm just saying, we should put this up on our, on your, on our pipes, but I will never mention Mr Ralph. Look at that, Jack. You're crazy Dylan, what a waste of body space.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  It's working, it's working. No one's mentioning him. Thanks Dylan. And bad luck to the, to the boys down at the station that they couldn't get the big fish.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  Had a common phrase said to me by Beck this morning.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  That I ignored.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  And I feel that you would, both would be in this position where you ignore this as well from your partners. You would have got it from your partners as well. Didn't you wear that yesterday?

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I, I largely get away with that because I do Sally same clothes quite a lot.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Of course. So I just, she said, didn't you wear those pants yesterday? I said, yes.

• 11:37Speaker 03

  Pants?

• 11:38Speaker 02

  Pants, pants. Exactly. I thought you were talking t-shirt.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Pants is every day.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Pants is unlimited.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  That's why I like.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  If we're playing The Sims, my pants just come with my overtail. You can't change them. He's just got jeans on.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  That's exactly what I think. So I'd like to go through every item that people wear.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  And I'd like us to establish what is the given amount of days where people have per item.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Pants is unlimited until you get visible mud or dirt on them. That's what I think.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  So I, yeah, also I was gonna say tomatoes, tomato sauce, but if you're lucky, it will form a veneer and you can scratch it off in one piece.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  True.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Like PVC glue.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  I've got pants as six to eight days.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know. Look, I know it's gross, but I still have in my head this idea that jeans just can't get dirty. I will wear, I'll wash a chino, yep, after a week of wear.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Yep. Jeans.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  Jeans just seem impenetrable.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Okay, so jeans unlimited, is that what I'm writing down?

• 12:41Speaker 03

  Something like that. Player's choice.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Player's choice.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Use your discretion, use your discretion.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't be silly. And then a chino, any other pant, six to eight days.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Okay. Yeah. I'm really into visible wear and tear occurs on the pant. Like because I mean, I'm not gonna wear, if I'd like spill soy sauce on a, on a tan pant.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:01Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna wear, yeah, I'm not gonna keep wearing it, go, oh, it's still got six days credit. Like I will wash it at that point. But I also, I mean, don't get me started on when is a tan pant acceptable? I had trouble wearing a tan pant to a fancy dinner the other night. So I just wanted me in all black and I, I wore a tan pant. Anyway.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Um, let's go back to the basics. T-shirts, one day, 1.5.

• 13:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, it depends, depends how active you were the day you wore it.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  It's house t-shirt.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  I think that comes into play, doesn't it?

• 13:32Speaker 03

  I don't think you can do two full days out in a t-shirt.

• 13:35Speaker 06

  But say if you, if you went to the gym in the morning, came home washed and then you've got a normal shirt on for the rest of the day, that normal shirt could go second day.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, that t-shirt has had a warm-up, but hasn't played a full game.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  Exactly what I do. If I, if I've had a shower and like, kind of from 12pm onwards, I put on an outfit, that's fine for the next day. Okay, t-shirts, fine for 1.5 days, depending on warm-up situation.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  Shirts, for some reason I tend to put my shirts back on the rack and just let them.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  It's so hard to wash, dry and iron a shirt. But I will let those go again. And you also usually, I'm usually just wearing a shirt for a few hours one night.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Exactly. It's, it's.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  And if you, if you, if we view an eight-hour workday.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Four to five wears.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  You can do a shirt.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  I had it down.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're pushing, you're pushing it by the 50.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  I had it down as three. You have to, yeah.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  That's just the difference in our personalities.

• 14:28Speaker 06

  Undies? One.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  One, one plus a night, because I do sleep in undies.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  Yep. So you can either, be rare to start in a fresh pair of undies at night.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  And then play through to the day.

• 14:41Speaker 06

  Well, I've played through to the day. If you have a late shower, fresh undies at night.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Yep. So you can do a day and a night. You pick the order.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  30 hours, 30 hours max.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  30 hours. Again, if you've sweated, this is, this is up to you. Depends what kind of hygiene system you wanna run down there. I will wear undies the other day, get out of them at night, have a, have a very thorough shower. And then hop back into the same pair of

• 15:04Speaker 06

  Same, no, I think once they're off, they're off. Yeah.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  You would argue that once they're off, they're aired out and they're good to go.

• 15:12Speaker 06

  I'm with you. Once they're off, it's the laundry.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  But you would wear underpants all day, then get into bed.

• 15:18Speaker 06

  I know, but I'm with Jack. I treat it like the sub rule in the AFL. Once they're out, they can't come back on.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Can't come back on the field. Interesting. I just see it as a way to save, save myself the fresh underpants treat for the morning. And when I wake up, I'll change undies then and we go on about our day with fresh underpants.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Why are you sleeping in undies? Just go nude.

• 15:37Speaker 06

  I go, I go undies.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  I go undies.

• 15:39Speaker 06

  I think then, uh, I don't know. It's probably one of those facts.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Home intruders?

• 15:45Speaker 02

  They'd be more scared of you guys running at them nude, like a tribesman.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Anyway, shorts.

• 15:53Speaker 06

  Unlimited.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  Unlimited.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Really?

• 15:56Speaker 03

  Well, again, again, until soiled.

• 15:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  I had.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  It's up to you. If you can look after them, you can have them. It's like a puppy.

• 16:02Speaker 06

  It's a.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  You can look after, if you look after these, you can keep wearing them.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  I feel like, cause it's summer, generally they get sweaty. I had that down as five days.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  They don't get sweaty. They get aired out a lot more. It's so much more airflow than pants.

• 16:18Speaker 06

  So we're saying it's more than pants?

• 16:20Speaker 03

  I am a little bit because generally from my experience, you're out in the sunshine, kills bacteria. You've got a lot of airflow, gets rid of mould.

• 16:27Speaker 06

  I'll put eight days then.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 16:29Speaker 06

  Jumpers.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Again, till soiled. Jumpers can go the whole of winter if you're, if you're careful.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I thought unlimited, uh, but till soiled.

• 16:39Speaker 06

  Jackets? Unlimited.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  Never.

• 16:42Speaker 06

  Never.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's just a never.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  Dry cleaned jackets maybe once or twice because they were in a cupboard that got mould.

• 16:48Speaker 06

  Mm hmm, mm hmm.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  That's what it took.

• 16:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  Actual poison on them. Just for them to meet some cleaning agents.

• 16:55Speaker 06

  Finally socks. One. One and a half.

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm a one and a half.

• 17:00Speaker 06

  Really? You go socks the next day?

• 17:01Speaker 03

  Yeah. You don't love doing it, but if in a pinch, you can, you know, like if, if that's the only pair of socks, if I'm like, oh, these are yesterday's socks. I'm just going out, like if I'm just driving the kids to school. Oh, yeah. Like, don't have any other socks.

• 17:17Speaker 06

  I always. That's it. That's all right.

• 17:18Speaker 03

  I go for, if I'm going for a run or something, I prefer to use a soiled sock.

• 17:23Speaker 06

  Yes, actually I will do that as well.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  Cause I'm like.

• 17:26Speaker 06

  No, I'll do that as.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  It's gonna, it's gonna get trashed.

• 17:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna only have a 30 minute life out in the wild. So why don't we give up yesterday's socks?

• 17:34Speaker 03

  And there's a, and there's a little bit, cause I'm always amazed at how dirty a sock is. Like, I put a fresh white sock on. I put it in my shoe, which is only ever got a clean sock in it.

• 17:45Speaker 06

  And your foot in it.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then you go about your day, you take it out and somehow it's dirty. So there's a part of me that goes, how does this happen?

• 17:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:52Speaker 03

  Because you were in what I thought was a pristine environment. So I'm the same. I'll sometimes see those socks and I'll go, so you like to get dirty, eh? I'll show you real dirt.

• 18:02Speaker 06

  You're coming for a long run.

• 18:04Speaker 03

  You're about to get absolutely thrashed.

• 18:13Speaker 03

  Hame, of course, our pods, the people show, if anyone, uh, if you're one of the people and you want to ask us anything, just hit us at hameachaney.com. Uh, Harriet did exactly that. She's a fan of the game Chit Chat Champions. Yeah. And her boyfriend, uh, Nick is about to turn 30 in a couple of weeks. What a beautiful gift to give to Nick, the chance, he doesn't know he's about to be. Nah, but Harriet joins us now. Harriet, ahoy to you.

• 18:40Speaker 07

  Ahoy, boys. How are you?

• 18:42Speaker 03

  Oh, we are great. Am I right in saying boyfriend? Or is it, is it husband, boyfriend? Is it, um, fiance?

• 18:47Speaker 07

  Yeah, boyfriend, partner, boyfriend. Yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  Gotcha. Um, how's your gusto levels today, Harriet?

• 18:52Speaker 07

  My gusto levels are good. I'm hoping Nick's are good. He, um, I think he's had a bit of a rough morning at work. So I'm hoping that, uh, this is gonna lighten the mood.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  Is he one of these people? Cause I would say of all the things we do on the show, people think that Chit Chat Champion would be their bread and butter. Like they think they'd be able to dominate it. Does he feel that way?

• 19:13Speaker 07

  I reckon secretly he does. He, yeah, he loves to chat. I think, I think he'll do really well. I'm nervous for myself, but I think he'll go fine.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Harriet, does this get you out of getting him an actual birthday present, or is this a supplementary gift?

• 19:29Speaker 07

  I'm, I'm hoping it gets me out of getting him a gift because I've got no clues. So if you have any ideas, let me know.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Well, can I ask you this then, Harriet? You're not gonna throw it then, just so he wins, because we want the integrity of the game to, uh...

• 19:42Speaker 07

  Oh, absolutely, absolutely not. No way. I'm going fighting. I'm fighting too.

• 19:47Speaker 03

  Okay, great. Love that, love that.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Let's give Nick a call now and surprise him with this gift. And then suddenly he'll be in the arena to play Chit Chat Champions.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Like, how bad is his day at work? I mean, is he, is he, does he have a high, very important job?

• 20:00Speaker 07

  I think he might have had to have fired someone this morning, so.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Right.

• 20:03Speaker 07

  We'll see.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  The worst kind of chit chat.

• 20:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, not, not like chit chat.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  The chit chat before you fire someone has to be some of the worst. Yeah, no, no, yeah, didn't, didn't, didn't see the game. Anyway, the reason I called you in here. Uh, well, let's give Nick a buzz. Uh, Nick's a builder, it says here in your email. So, um, let's, uh, see if he picks out.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Hi, Nick speaking. Nick, Hamish Nanty here with Harriet. Ahoy to you.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Nick, ahoy, Nick.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Ahoy, how you going? Yeah, good. How's your day been?

• 20:38Speaker 03

  How's your day been?

• 20:40Speaker 02

  I've actually had a shocking morning, so this is, um, this is coming at a good time. Okay, good. Well, we hear-

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Not laughing at the shocking morning.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Heard that. I hope that went well. The, um, the, the 30, your 30th birthday's coming up. Yes, yep. Harriet has got the, you this as a gift. Okay, great. An opportunity to play Chit Chat Champions on the show against Haz. Done, okay. Okay. Now, how do you rate your chat, Chit Chat, given what you've just come off the-

• 21:11Speaker 03

  Morning.

• 21:13Speaker 06

  Ah, I feel like I've got to be funny. Um, she's taken me by surprise. Uh, my chit chat. It's, uh, it should be pretty good. No, I backed myself in against her, so I'm glad it's against her.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:24Speaker 06

  And not someone else.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  All you've got to do, you know the rules, we'll go over them again, um, just in case. You can't ask questions to buy time. It is simply, as you guys know, you using your skills, um, to detect the right moment to come into a conversation and add something to that conversation.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 21:44Speaker 07

  Yep.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Um, Nick, we'll put you on hold first and give you a time to take this all in because we've just called you out of the blue. And obviously most participants get an opportunity to come in.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  They've registered. Very, very rare to be like, you know, I'm, I'm like, it is a sport.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  Very rarely do you find out.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  You're playing the sport if you haven't said, I would like to play that sport on that day.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Um, Harriet, you'll be up first. We'll put Nick on hold. Let's jump in.

• 22:08Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  All right, Ham. Shall we enter the velodrome? Harriet, are you ready to go, Harriet?

• 22:22Speaker 07

  Yep, I'm ready.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Okay, good luck.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Ah, hey, Ham.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  How you going?

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, good. Um, May the 4th coming up, Star Wars Day.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  Yes, and, um, the Star Wars Lego exhibition is opening soon in Melbourne by Brickman.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 22:40Speaker 07

  Hey, surely you should know a lot about that exhibition, considering you've been on Lego Masters. Have you got any inside floors?

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Tickets go on sale this week. Yes, it's this week.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  It was fantastic, but she ended with a question.

• 22:55Speaker 07

  I ended with a question.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  Uh, so the jury will have to disregard everything up to that point.

• 23:01Speaker 07

  I know.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  But it was.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  It was good.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  It was good. It was actually a smart move directing it at someone. We don't, we don't get that move very often, do we? That was, that was good.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  I felt like it wasn't a knee jerk question. I felt like it added something and then a question, appropriate question on the end.

• 23:17Speaker 07

  I agree.

• 23:21Speaker 07

  I'm definitely, I agree.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  Inserted himself as the ref.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  And not, not, not often the gymnast had to go and sit next to the scorers and go, nah, that a bit. And I, yeah, I agree with that 10. Oh, I was a bit of a better landing than that. Harriet, well done. We'll put you on hold. Nick, are you there?

• 23:41Speaker 06

  I'm here, yes.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Harriet has registered her score.

• 23:44Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Let's see how good you are at small talk. Good luck.

• 23:48Speaker 06

  Alrighty, let's go.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Oh, hey, Am and May. The fourth is coming up soon. Star Wars Day.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next weekend, Lego Star Wars exhibition opens in Melbourne by Brickman.

• 24:02Speaker 06

  Do love my Lego, uh, my Lego Wars, Ham. You're, you're a, a big fan of mine, so I can't wait.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Oh, Nick.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry, Nick.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  Happy birthday. Left foot, right foot tangled up in the box. I am a big fan of yours, but is that what you meant to say?

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Can we bring this back? Do love Lego Wars, Ham, which is not a franchise.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Not the show. The Star Wars is, is, is a, is a popular franchise and Lego Masters is also a show.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 24:35Speaker 06

  Oh, you threw me with the Lego.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  And then when you were to say.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  What you sound like, I thought you were a big fan.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  When you said, what did he say?

• 24:46Speaker 03

  I'm, you're a big fan of mine.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  You're a big fan of mine?

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Also, not untrue, but, um.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Harriet?

• 24:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  I'm not sure if this played out how you'd hoped, but the gift you've gotten, um, Nick, is great embarrassment. For his 30th.

• 25:03Speaker 07

  Wonderful.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  And notoriety, but Nick, I mean, what we love about that is the attitude of someone, you know, saying, hey, you're on and just in putting on a jersey and running out there and having a crack. And that, you have both got a, a token of no value.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Absolutely. They're both coming your way. And Nick, happy birthday, buddy. And thanks for writing in, Harriet.

• 25:21Speaker 06

  Thanks, guys. Cheers.

• 25:22Speaker 07

  Thanks so much. Bye.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  Gentlemen, a fun game that we play on the show sometimes is the salacious headline game. We, we say something kind of very innocent from our lives and then we see how we use each other's skills to try and turn that into like a clickbaity headline.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  I want to do the reverse of it today because something happened in my life that doesn't look great, but I want you guys to give me just a very innocent headline.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Put a good spin on it.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  Okay. So my car, like a lot of, you know, any parent with kid or kids, the backseat is just an absolute bomb site.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  You know, my kids are under 10, so we've got, we've got squishmallows, we've got activity books, we've got like random pencils, one Macca's chip, just, you know, marbles. And because my little girl is seven, just tiny, plastic shit, just, just one piece of a, of like a doll set or like someone's shoe. And it's just an absolute junkyard back there.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  I cleaned my sister's car out the other day and she, the amount of different biscuits I found.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Always one tiny teddy missing a head.

• 26:38Speaker 02

  This couldn't have been one sitting. This is, this is just, it felt like.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  The builder. And the thing is you clean it and within, you know, two days it's back.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  It gets to a tipping point where you're like, why bother anymore?

• 26:47Speaker 03

  Why bother? I actually try and clean it out and there's things in there that I'm like, well, they do like that, they do like that. Oh, it's good to have an emergency water bottle in there, even though that probably hasn't been emptied in about two weeks. Like if it's an absolute, if it's a 40 degree day, that, the moisture that remains in that bottle that's been rolling around could be used. And so a lot of the stuff just kind of stays in there. And, and often there's like a towel from the beach. So I'm a bit of a fiend for keeping a towel from the beach just slung over the seat because I kind of like, well, it's mostly dry. And if we're in an emergency, we'll use that towel. So there's little bits and pieces of clothes, hats is a classy one.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Do you think this quickly? Because obviously my car doesn't look like that.

• 27:26Speaker 03

  No.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Do you think I'll have the resilience if I have kids?

• 27:31Speaker 03

  You know what?

• 27:31Speaker 02

  It'll be the ultimate test.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  It'll be the ultimate.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  That will test you everywhere, not just the car, the house. It will really test you.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  It will break you because you're building essentially like a museum, your new house. Like it's like, it looks like a modern art museum. You have a kid, imagine just up, just getting every single piece of plastic that's ever been made and dumping it in there. That is just what happens.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. I was more thinking the back of the car, like, you know, like, I remember watching you one day.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  No one can beat kids.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  And I was like, did you find it? You're like, yep. You didn't, you didn't find the chip. And so after you left, I'm like, I better find that. That's how my brain works. I don't.

• 28:12Speaker 03

  You just, there's not enough time in the day to get. You'll be crushed. You'll be crushed. And we will sympathize.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  But we'll laugh at you.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  Anyway, so over the summer and stuff, like there's, there's, there's often, you see it and you're always like, God, I must get around to cleaning the car out. And one of the things that was like floating around where I'm like, I must remember to take that in was like a pair of Ruse undies that was in the back. So I'm like, oh, somehow she's got changed to the beach or whatever, or like, you know, she's just got changed in the backseat and that's still floating around. We get home, like we get home one afternoon. I'm like, all right, guys, everyone, before we get out of the car, we're actually going to do a clean out. That includes dad. I'll do my door, which is sort of the bin of the car, the door pocket. I'm scooping out like, you know, yep, old like chocolate bar wrappers that have been marinated in a short black for three weeks.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Dad's doing his bit. I'm scooping out the door. In, just to give you an idea, in, in Ruse, on her side of the car, there's that little door pocket as well. We have gravel in our driveway, like white rocks. She just has scooped up handfuls of white rocks and put them in that thing because she likes to have a rock garden in her backseat. So we were just like, can you just like lose the rocks? And I was like, and also can you take your undies in, mate? They've been in the car for like a month. Like, please take your undies in. Everyone's responsible for their stuff. Anyway, so she takes, she like gets the rocks out, well, half the rocks. And then goes in, just chucks the undies in the doorway of the laundry, which is kind of as close to finishing the job as we're gonna get. And that's fine.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  Anyway, and the dog goes, what undies are these? I go, are they ruse from my car? They've been there for like a month. And she goes, these are like, these are, these are, um, grown up undies. These are like laser cut grown up underpants. I go, okay, well, then I guess they're yours. Like, I don't know what they're doing in my car, but I guess they're your undies. And he goes, they're not my undies.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  Um.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  They've been in my car for a month. She's like, oh, whose are they?

• 30:20Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  I was like, I have nothing here.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  And the best I could come up with, and I don't even know why I tried off any explanation, because I should have just left it as like, well, what are you gonna do? I don't know what they are.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  One of the mysteries of the world. Because I was like, if, if this is the classic, what are these undies doing in your car? I was like, I think if I was gonna have an affair, the backseat would be a bold move. Like, we live in a pretty busy area. I just feel like I would, I don't know, it wouldn't be great at conducting it, but I would choose somewhere a little less public than like the backseat.

• 30:53Speaker 02

  Also, just given what you said was already in there.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  It's not a romantic area.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  The best I could come up with, I go, oh, and, and I thought, because sometimes like Sunny or one of his mates will get changed in the backseat as well. Like, if we're going from school to a thing, they will get changed in it. Like, everyone will hop out of the car and they would just be like quickly change into like sports shorts or whatever. So I was like, well, it could be, maybe it's one of Sunny's friends. And then he had his bum's undies.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  Accidentally

• 31:30Speaker 03

  in his bag and they fell out and they were stuck to his shorts or something from the washing and they've fallen out. That's what I was saying. It was like, this is worse than just going,

• 31:40Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  I just don't know why. There's a lot of shit in my car. That's just, that's just a bonus piece of something that ended up in the back of my car. So I'm like, it doesn't look great. But I think even, even though knows that like, it's never been brought up again. Like she's not like, she's like, what were they doing? She's like, mate, no, you're not doing anything in the back of your car. But in that moment, I was like, this is where you need to reverse salacious headline. Because other woman's underpants found in back of car is not an easy one to spin.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  No, that is really difficult.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  And, and honestly for a

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Say like, can we make it a gender based thing? Hamish doesn't see gender when it comes to like

• 32:23Speaker 03

  Or age.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Underwear for himself.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Could have easily been a small boy's underpants. Turns out they were a grown woman's.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. Or I was thinking like some kind of criminal's calling card, you know?

• 32:39Speaker 03

  Yes. Another victim of the laser cut undy bandit.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  They didn't take anything this time, but they did still leave their calling card.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  That's true, Jack. I like that. Cause then I'm the victim. I'm like, honey, I'm being targeted here by a crime gang.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  That's a, it's actually

• 32:55Speaker 03

  And you're throwing around all kinds of sassy accusations at me.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  But I mean, the idea that there's this signature move for this crime game, you could just go for an entrapment type thing, like lady next door tries to entrap Hamish in, in scandal.

• 33:11Speaker 06

  Oh yeah. So someone, someone wants you to think it's an affair.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  What were you basing your crime calling card off though, Jack?

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, wet bandits from

• 33:19Speaker 03

  Yes, I knew it. I knew it.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  From Home Alone.

• 33:22Speaker 06

  Home Alone, yeah. I actually couldn't think of another example. Is it actually a thing or is it only from Home Alone?

• 33:29Speaker 03

  No, I didn't think outside of the world of Home Alone and the McAllister family. I didn't think it's like professional criminals these days, like, and remember, leave some extra evidence at the scene of the crime. It does make it easier to catch you, but it's more fun for the chase.

• 33:51Speaker 02

  It's remarkable that we decided to have our own conclave. And then obviously, over the Vatican, they went, no, no, no, this is our turf. And they've decided to hold theirs at the exact same time.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Huge sign of flattery, huge sign of flattery to. I mean, it's a great moment for the podcast because I know like, you know, let's brass tacks. We're really grateful that the podcast is as big as it is in Australia. When we first saw this thing, we didn't think we'd get the audience it got. But now to be this big on a global stage and then have the Vatican copy you is really, you know, the lengths they went to as well. You think about the logistics, it's really huge. So, um, good luck to the Vatican with their upcoming conclave. But we kind of called it first, certainly for this year's conclave. I'm not saying we've done more conclaves than the Vatican.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  No, they've got us covered there.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  But, and you know, they've been there for thousands of years, but we certainly had the idea of doing the conclave this year first, didn't we, Jack?

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, we did. And they wouldn't have planned to do one this year.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  And that's why.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  It would have been suspicious if they were planning.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  That's why they scrambled a bit too, because remember the Pope did sadly pass away. And then they're like, oh, we don't know when it's going to be the conclave. They're scrambling, scrambling. We've had ours very clearly mapped out from the get go. Quite simply, we decided we needed a chosen one to save special skills, the segment. Haven't done one all year, haven't done one for ages, haven't had a successful one for ages. So the conclave has been coming together.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  It used to be what this show was known best for.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Main segment, wasn't it? Like five, six years ago, it was the main segment.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 03

  So, Jack.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  People new to the pod, we should say a special skill is we were the show where you could write into us. If you've got a skill that's not formally recognised by a body or a regime or an Olympic committee or something, just come to us and it could be, I know exactly what number to put in the microwave for any type of food for it to come out perfect.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  I'll test any pies, any supermarket pie, I'll tell you the brand, you know, really good. Nowhere else can we test this stuff, like good skills. Jack, we have come up with the system that next week on the show, we're going to get a bunch of people that have come forward and said, yes, I'll be the chosen one. You can't just automatically become a chosen one. There does have to be some level of like filtering out. They're going to come to the studio. We conclave them, put them in a room. They decide amongst themselves, like the Vatican conclave. All right, who we all think we've got what it takes. But actually, who can get the votes of the other people to really have what it takes?

• 36:24Speaker 06

  Are we gonna make it unanimous?

• 36:25Speaker 03

  I think we have to make it unanimous. I know the Pope only has to get about like 70% or something.

• 36:30Speaker 06

  Still big.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  Um, we did look.

• 36:32Speaker 06

  The Pope, I mean, when they do the Pope one, and this is only according to the movie, they had like hundreds of Cardinals voting.

• 36:38Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I think they had like 100 and I think I read somewhere that they can have 150 are like eligible. It's a little bit like the actor awards, if anyone's familiar with that, you have to be a member of the actors to go on the. But they don't conclave that, you're allowed to do it from home.

• 36:53Speaker 06

  Yep, okay. Um, but that would mean us flying in, if we were gonna do it that big, we'd have to fly hundreds and hundreds of listeners to Melbourne.

• 37:00Speaker 03

  Would you be willing to pay for any of that, Jack?

• 37:02Speaker 06

  No.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  We've established that. So here's what we thought. Speaking of cost and just thinking about how it's gonna go, the conclave's next week. We were thinking, we said five initially, we were like, let's get five people to come forward from a bunch. And then amongst them, they would choose the chosen one.

• 37:19Speaker 06

  And they will all have their own special skill that the others wouldn't know.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Any of those five could be the chosen one.

• 37:24Speaker 06

  Inside the conclave and everyone together would decide which one could be the chosen one to save this, come out, perform in front of us. And if they're successful, the segment remains.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Segment's saved and you're the biggest hero in the world. We're just thinking about it like just how it's gonna play out next week. And some people say this is a cost cutting measure, but just hear us out, like five voices, five, you in there with five other people, Jack.

• 37:44Speaker 06

  Six now.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  Six voices. Audio wise, it could be a bit messy.

• 37:49Speaker 06

  Long.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  Lot of names for people to keep track of, so we thought, cut it down to three.

• 37:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's cheap.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  Cut it down to three. It just is easier to listen to. And if there's one thing we're about here, it's about smooth audio. So three, now the, the, the chosen few will be three that go in.

• 38:05Speaker 06

  So Jack, have you picked? I have seen over the last few weeks, hundreds of special skill entries. They came roaring back in.

• 38:14Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 38:15Speaker 06

  I have picked a top five. And from there, I've eliminated the weakest two. And now we have the strongest three of hundreds of submissions.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  Okay, so we should, can we hear the, can we, just so we get a taste of what?

• 38:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  Caliber of special skill are going into the conclave. Can we hear, and let's not call them the weakest two. Let's call, I mean, cause they're the top five percent.

• 38:37Speaker 06

  They're not, yeah, that's not.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  So they're only just, just missing out a podium here. What are the two skills that missed out?

• 38:45Speaker 06

  Okay. Sam Allen, sadly you missed out. He can do the nut bush and the Macarena at the same time.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  Wow. Wowee. Now, if that guy's not the chosen one. This is big.

• 39:01Speaker 06

  Okay, wow.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  This is like, if you're, you know, familiar with the Matrix movies, like Neo having a friend called Ian, who could also do a lot of stuff, but Neo is just a bit better.

• 39:11Speaker 06

  Yeah. Okay. And what is the other one that? Then this one I got rid of because it's something that we actually wouldn't even want to test just because it would be a bit disgusting too. But Andy Rabbit put his wife up and said she can smell my poo against any other poo. And he was suggesting we do a line of, line of different people doing poos.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 06

  And she can smell which ones is.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is interesting, but again.

• 39:35Speaker 06

  It's disgusting to have to play.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  And I think as we said minutes ago, and obviously our conclaves are different to the Pope's conclaves. That's, this is another key area where you realise, yes, there are a few differences between the two conclaves. No one's right or wrong.

• 39:49Speaker 06

  No.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  We just have different conclaves and different results.

• 39:52Speaker 06

  But I don't.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  Everyone in the office squatting on a plate and then seeing if she could detect his. It's interesting, but it's not.

• 40:02Speaker 06

  And I thought two airfares as well, because you have to bring Andy and his wife.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  He could bring a little container of poo.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  He could bring a specimen, he could.

• 40:11Speaker 06

  That's true. Yeah.

• 40:14Speaker 06

  Then she can sniff it on the fly.

• 40:17Speaker 06

  Let's, let, yes, no.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yes, can I help you say it? Yes, the lady in 28C is sniffing, I'm pretty sure it's a jar of her husband's poo. Someone's poo, but it has, it is labelled and I can smell it. We could all smell it. She says it's for research because something about being a chosen one, but it does stink. It does stink. I'm sorry, you're on the cheapest available flight. That's true, but I don't think I should have to smell this lady's husband's poo for the whole flight.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  She's out.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  Claire's out. I think that's important that's out. Woo. All right. So we've got three better than those.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Better than that.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Three that are better than that.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  Wow. Let's conclave next week.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  So next week, Jack, you'll be left with them. We won't know which ones.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  I've got the smoke machine ready to go. You might remember I mentioned that I bought it last year in the Black Friday, Cyber Friday sales, mocked at the time in my household.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  That you'll never visit.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. This is exactly the right machine. It's a portable smoke machine. It has a flexible tube. Now, people that know the conclave system, the, in the Vatican, they have the chimney, black smoke, black smoke. We haven't decided. White smoke, we have a pope. This smoke machine doesn't do black smoke, but here's what I want you to do next week, Jack.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:34Speaker 03

  You're in the conclave. Say you have a vote and that they all just, because they can vote for themselves. Say it's just tied at one all. And there's an impasse. You crack open the door, put the tube out. No smoke.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  Just no smoke?

• 41:47Speaker 03

  No smoke.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  Tube goes back in. Me and Andy keep waiting because we'll be outside the door, like everyone gathered in, you know, St Peter's Square.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, waiting for the announcement. Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  And then when it has been decided, crack the door, tube comes out, white smoke. We celebrate. Hallelujah. We have a chosen one.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  And then, and then we'll see it or do we just discuss?

• 42:07Speaker 03

  I don't, we don't know because we won't know the skill. And I suppose from there we'll want to talk to the person. We will have to see it. Maybe it'll be next show, maybe the show after. We might have to set something up, but we'll have our chosen one. Next week, next podcast, it's the conclave. If our maths is correct, I think the podcast episode is dropping at exactly.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  In the middle of theirs.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  The same time.

• 42:29Speaker 02

  Which one will be more widely followed?

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Watch both. Double screening. That's what it's all about these days.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.