Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #539 - An Odd King, The Lash Lament and Not Everything’s Istanbul About this episode We’re living in a Johnapalooza. With the release of his Blubography (trademark: Elis James) last week, John’s been touring the country. But do any of his shows bear resemblance to the hallowed 1976 Sex Pistols gig at the Lesser Free Trade Hall? Elis and Dave do their best to draw parallels.
Away from book and tour shenanigans, Elis threatens to swear enough to make the show unusable in a bid to halt a guessing game, John imagines how he’d brush his hair if he were an 'odd king', and there’s a controversial Made Up Game (featuring a new all-time classic jingle) that includes not one, not two, but three name changes.
And remember folks, not everything’s Istanbul.
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Transcript 10,985 words · 7 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Alice and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...
0:10 Speaker 00 Miniumpicks.
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0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.
0:22 Speaker 02 So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Alice is there as well.
0:26 Speaker 00 Alice is there as well, Dave.
0:27 Speaker 02 We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
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1:10 Speaker 04 Hello, this is Susie Ruffel.
1:11 Speaker 05 And Maisy Adam.
1:12 Speaker 04 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
1:15 Speaker 05 Only the best podcast ever.
1:17 Speaker 04 Yes!
1:18 Speaker 05 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
1:27 Speaker 04 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
1:29 Speaker 05 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
1:32 Speaker 04 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, just need to search Big Kick Energy.
1:37 Speaker 05 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
2:00 Speaker 00 Dear listeners, welcome to this episode of Alice and John, and get ready for what might be the greatest mega week in the history of the show. During a normal seven day period, my highlight would be watching Swansea City beat Charlton 3-1, but no, because this week I got to interview the mighty Super Furry Animals and in a world first for me in broadcasting, I didn't get it wrong. I'd done my prep over the course of a lifetime. I stopped myself from asking if I could join the band, even though it was the only thing I could think about, and the documentary will serve as a come get me plea to six music for when Jonarite is in 2032 and I still have 17 years left on my mortgage. But even that, even me interviewing one of the greatest bands of all time, pales into insignificance because this week has been Jonapalooza.
2:45 Speaker 00 On May the 4th, our hero turned 44. A ripe, old, venerable age, perfect for a man who loves to tell young people off for having sex in public. The perfect age for a man who goes to bed at 8.30pm and who successfully negotiated with his mate that the £80 I've given him every year for his birthday since 2016 should go up with the rate of inflation, which meant that on Monday, I gave him £118.87, which I know he'll spend on herbal tea. No, that's not the big news. Even that has been relegated to the inside pages of the Ellis and John Express because on May the 7th, 2026, Jon's memoir first was released and the internet was ablaze. As long as you only regard the internet as being PNFLE's
3:30 Speaker 00 Instagram.
3:36 Speaker 00 Now that the book is out in the wild, what can Robins fans expect? Well, if George Orwell, Virginia Woolf, and Margaret Atwood changed 20th century literature, Jon has done it for the 21st century, creating a new kind of genre, the blabography, a lash lament.
3:56 Speaker 00 Will you cry because it's so funny? Highly likely. Will you cry because it's so wise? I wouldn't bet against it. Will you cry because of Jon's terrible life? That's a cast iron John Robins guarantee. There's word from his editor that in the first for publishing giant Penguin, there's talk of a tear-proof laminated edition, perfect for reading on the beach and for those of a sensitive disposition. And so, from one writer to another, because two weeks ago I wrote a piece about Anne Ramsay for The Guardian, congratulations, John, you're an author.
4:27 Speaker 01 Oh, that's very kind, thank you.
4:28 Speaker 00 The lash lament, the holy cry ball.
4:31 Speaker 01 The holy cry ball, as someone called it, which made me laugh, and the blubography. And while you were reading that, just before you read that introduction, I collaborated, accepted collaboration requests on three new podcasts featuring me.
4:44 Speaker 00 It's been content together.
4:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:48 Speaker 00 And as a John Robins fan, I am like a pig in S.
4:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, the Allender Calendar.
4:53 Speaker 00 Yep.
4:53 Speaker 01 Margaret Kayborn Smith's Crushed.
4:55 Speaker 00 Oh, are you doing that?
4:56 Speaker 01 I've done it. It's out today, now.
4:59 Speaker 00 Is it? And I'm too sensitive to do Crushed.
5:02 Speaker 01 And a recovery podcast from a rehab centre called Arc Recovery.
5:05 Speaker 00 You had to spoil it, didn't you?
5:09 Speaker 00 And the comedian's comedian as well.
5:12 Speaker 01 Yes.
5:12 Speaker 00 And Emily Dean's walking the dog.
5:13 Speaker 01 So if you hate me, this is the worst week to be online.
5:17 Speaker 00 But if you love you, you love, if I, I love you.
5:20 Speaker 01 You love me.
5:21 Speaker 00 I'm loving it. It is, it, quite a few bits and bobs going on in terms of this podcast, in terms of content release, and it's, it is feel like it's kind of in and amongst a lot of other important noise.
5:32 Speaker 01 It is, Dave.
5:33 Speaker 00 But noise all the same, so should we have knocked everything on a week for the, for the, for the cinematic universe? Who knows at this stage?
5:39 Speaker 01 Possibly, but you can't stop content. You've got to keep going.
5:42 Speaker 00 All boats rise with the tide, of course, John, isn't it?
5:44 Speaker 01 All boats do rise with the tide, yes.
5:46 Speaker 00 They do.
5:47 Speaker 01 But the tide is just thousands of floating Robinses.
5:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:51 Speaker 01 And you're not sure whether they're all right.
5:53 Speaker 00 Also, I know what you're like. I bet you can't wait for your break.
5:57 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
5:58 Speaker 00 Are you thinking about when you get to have a nice holiday?
6:02 Speaker 01 I'm going to the Alps at the end of May.
6:04 Speaker 00 Are you?
6:04 Speaker 01 Taking some pals to a chalet.
6:06 Speaker 00 Oh, lovely.
6:07 Speaker 01 And going walking.
6:09 Speaker 00 Because it must be a nightmare, isn't it, talking about yourself all the time on podcasts? That's hard, that's hard, blooming graft.
6:14 Speaker 01 It can be.
6:15 Speaker 00 Oh, but it is.
6:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:16 Speaker 00 Well, it's the type of stuff you're talking about as well.
6:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course. Just different, different, different pressures for different people, I suppose.
6:24 Speaker 00 I just, I would, yeah, with Crushed, I'm, I'm not, because Izzy's done it, I think.
6:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, she did the first one, didn't she?
6:31 Speaker 00 She might have done, yeah. I think I'd be a bit too embarrassed to talk about my crushes. Oh, I'd go for it. I'd love it.
6:37 Speaker 01 I'm just realising I can't remember what I said because it was recorded quite a while ago. So I hope it's not embarrassing and I hope I haven't upset everyone.
6:44 Speaker 00 Oh, you wouldn't have upset anyone.
6:46 Speaker 01 You never know. I've managed it in the past.
6:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, but it's a new, it's Robins 3.0, isn't it?
6:52 Speaker 01 Yeah. So I'm a bit croaky today because I have been talking a lot recently. And it just takes a toll on the older vocal cords.
7:02 Speaker 00 Well, yeah, because you're on a tour.
7:03 Speaker 01 Yes.
7:04 Speaker 00 What's the vibe? Because we've been on tour together.
7:06 Speaker 01 We have.
7:07 Speaker 00 Last year.
7:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:08 Speaker 00 Where are the similarities? Where are the differences to a solo Robins in conversation tour? And let's face it, a tour that kind of levelled off with Oasis in terms of the size and the furor around it last year.
7:23 Speaker 01 Well, you came on to Oasis.
7:24 Speaker 00 I did, actually, yeah.
7:25 Speaker 01 You came on to F in the Bushel.
7:28 Speaker 01 Every night. I think I'm probably a bit more chilled.
7:33 Speaker 00 You were pretty chilled on our tour.
7:35 Speaker 01 I didn't know. I was pretty, I was pretty grumpy if our start time was late. Or we got, we got clearance and Ellis was on the toilet.
7:43 Speaker 00 Sorry.
7:44 Speaker 01 No, no, no, I'm sorry. I was, I should have been more tolerant of that.
7:48 Speaker 00 In Glasgow, at the King's Theatre, I needed the toilet and I apologise. And it meant we went up at 7.31. So sorry.
7:56 Speaker 01 But so, but it's all, you know, everything I do, I'm just slightly less of a pain. And then one day I'll go through a whole day without being a pain and then I'll die peacefully.
8:05 Speaker 00 You'll be Robins neutral.
8:07 Speaker 01 Robins neutral.
8:08 Speaker 00 Robins neutral and then death.
8:09 Speaker 01 No, it's great. And it's nice to have different hosts each time.
8:12 Speaker 00 Yes.
8:13 Speaker 01 So different friends, different angles, different vibes. The one with Lou was very, very funny. Well, they've all been funny. The one with Ben Partridge sort of went from very, very serious to, he is extremely funny off the cuff.
8:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, Ben is very good, yeah.
8:29 Speaker 01 So then suddenly big laughs and he wasn't afraid to penetrate some quite heavy bits with some very, very funny sides.
8:35 Speaker 00 Oh, nice.
8:37 Speaker 01 Which was, and the venue, the gate in Cardiff.
8:40 Speaker 00 Oh, lovely, yeah.
8:41 Speaker 01 Have you ever played there?
8:42 Speaker 00 No, I've not. I've never, I've been to watch stuff there.
8:45 Speaker 01 It is good. Edinburgh preview or a tour show. It's gorgeous.
8:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, I know, it's.
8:49 Speaker 01 It's like a sort of old, it's like E. Tabernacle at Mach.
8:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. So.
8:55 Speaker 00 Being interviewed by lots of different people about the book, are you seeing the book in with new sort of fresh angles and perspectives?
9:01 Speaker 01 Um, not really, but every time someone asks me, um, like a different question, it's nice to be sort of not be, not have everything prepared.
9:10 Speaker 00 Of course.
9:11 Speaker 01 Be able to improvise and stuff. And obviously to sign afterwards is nice. So we picked sort of slightly smaller venues so that that would be manageable. Cause obviously, you know, we realised we couldn't do signings after.
9:22 Speaker 00 Salford Lowry.
9:23 Speaker 01 After Salford Lowry.
9:24 Speaker 00 Too long.
9:24 Speaker 01 It's about three hours. Um, and obviously then you get run into problems with curfews and getting taxis for staff home and that sort of thing.
9:32 Speaker 00 And the problem with, I mean, the problem with the audience at Salford Lowry is that the, the standard of kagool is so high.
9:41 Speaker 01 That Ellis has to ask.
9:42 Speaker 00 I have to ask.
9:43 Speaker 01 Sometimes taking photos of labels and barcodes.
9:46 Speaker 00 I have to ask for kagool details.
9:48 Speaker 02 That breaks the ice.
9:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, but it's just, it's too many kagools for any one man to manage.
9:53 Speaker 01 Cause if you're interacting with every kagool for 60 seconds.
9:56 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:57 Speaker 01 And there's 400 kagools.
9:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:59 Speaker 01 That's, I don't know, five hours of kagools.
10:02 Speaker 02 You're in your element.
10:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, but the problem is you'll never, the 400th kagool might be the best one.
10:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:08 Speaker 00 So it's not like you can sort of start off with a high level of kagool enthusiasm, which then will wane.
10:13 Speaker 01 And then.
10:14 Speaker 00 If the kagools are of a high, high standard, that's going to pique my interest.
10:17 Speaker 01 And the person at the end of the queue is wearing a duffel coat and aware that they're A, having to wait longer because of the kagool chat, but also they're not getting any kagool chat because Ellis doesn't have anything on duffel coats.
10:27 Speaker 00 Are you not a duffel fan? No, it's fine for Paddington Bay.
10:30 Speaker 02 Oh, wow.
10:32 Speaker 00 They're not, no, no, I've never been a duffel man, no. No, no, I couldn't see this. So that was the, that was the issue.
10:38 Speaker 02 So what, what are your, cause that is quite intense and fantastic for the fans and for you to meet them. But have you got a few tips and tricks that kind of breaks the ice for each one? Or you, do you just have to react to whatever they're bringing you? Because how many people are you chatting to each night? About 150 people?
10:53 Speaker 00 Mm hmm.
10:54 Speaker 02 And is it just a quick, hi, thanks a lot? And then, or do you ask?
10:56 Speaker 00 He has his back turned.
10:58 Speaker 01 I'm like Van Morrison. I'll sign everything but the selfie is the back of my head. The problem is.
11:05 Speaker 02 Just shouts next.
11:06 Speaker 01 The problem is 70% of the time with each person, because the time is limited.
11:11 Speaker 02 Yes.
11:11 Speaker 01 Is I am signing and I have learnt I cannot spell names whilst talking.
11:18 Speaker 02 Really?
11:19 Speaker 01 Even very basic names.
11:21 Speaker 02 Right.
11:22 Speaker 01 There was someone called Eve, who I'm going to apologise to again now, who I spelt E double E. As in a female.
11:30 Speaker 02 Okay.
11:32 Speaker 01 Because I said, hi, what's your name? And she said Eve. And as I was saying, oh, nice to meet you, Eve, I wrote to you.
11:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:40 Speaker 01 But spelt phonetically, as in you. So then you're like, and that's their copy now.
11:45 Speaker 02 That you've ruined their life.
11:46 Speaker 01 There's nothing you can do.
11:47 Speaker 02 How well done, you've ruined their life.
11:48 Speaker 00 It's like I realised.
11:49 Speaker 01 I put an I in Daljeet. There's no I in Daljeet.
11:53 Speaker 02 No.
11:53 Speaker 01 But I was saying hello and I my brain.
11:56 Speaker 02 There's no I in hello either.
11:57 Speaker 01 There's no I in hello, there's no I in team. But once you've written Daljeet, hello, team. Because you've been saying there's no I in team and there's no I in hello. Next you've ruined their copy.
12:08 Speaker 02 Yeah. Another question.
12:10 Speaker 01 Yes, Dave.
12:11 Speaker 02 What if, if someone, because people are excited to meet you.
12:14 Speaker 01 Why weren't you asking these, all these questions when the tickets were on sale? Constantly saying, oh, we can't talk about this, we can't, you can't do that.
12:21 Speaker 02 So relax now.
12:22 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm bloody hell.
12:23 Speaker 02 This is good stuff, they flew off the shelves. What if someone over, if you've got any gentle nudges to move people on, knowing that time is of the essence? Because I bet some people want to just chat and chat and chat.
12:33 Speaker 01 My tall manager has a bat. No, I think people are aware, especially if they have been waiting.
12:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:40 Speaker 01 It's like, you know, when you're in a traffic jam and you get to the lights and they turn green, you're, you're straight to go.
12:48 Speaker 00 Oh, you've got to be ready.
12:49 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, it's just so nice to be able to say hello and get a picture and, you know, people are very, very kind. And it's nice to, nice to meet them.
12:57 Speaker 00 What used to slow the Sex Pistols down was initially Johnny Rotten would always ask for the punter's autograph. Because he didn't want there to be any, um, sort of, you know, any, uh, no difference between him and the audience.
13:12 Speaker 01 That is absolutely the stupidest look I've ever heard. No wonder their music was so rubbish.
13:17 Speaker 02 Ultimate punchline.
13:18 Speaker 01 That is so stupid.
13:20 Speaker 02 And the music was great.
13:21 Speaker 01 What a waste of everyone's time.
13:24 Speaker 00 Different to you.
13:25 Speaker 01 What a, we'll say that.
13:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's nice.
13:27 Speaker 01 Just say, hi, I'm no different to you, but here's my autograph. Don't go through a time wasting exercise, because I bet you threw them all away.
13:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, what's he doing with those?
13:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:36 Speaker 02 Waste of Sharpie ink.
13:37 Speaker 01 Imagine if someone came up and said, would you sign the, my copy of your book? And I'll say, yeah, but first you need to sign my copy of your book.
13:44 Speaker 00 Write a book, please.
13:47 Speaker 01 Because we're the same. Get to it. Eighty thousand words. There's a lot of people in this queue.
13:52 Speaker 00 I like it. I, that would make me feel really special. I don't know if he does it anymore.
13:57 Speaker 01 Stuff like time wasting and French rugby league.
14:01 Speaker 00 Bet, if I bet Johnny Rotten in nineteen seventy six.
14:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:04 Speaker 00 And I said, Johnny, I sort of love the record. Can I have your autograph, please? And he went, mm, can I, I can't do a Johnny Rotten voice, but if he said, yes, could I have your autograph as well? I'd be like, thank you.
14:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:14 Speaker 01 But you'd be completely confused.
14:16 Speaker 00 No, I'd be like, this is, it's great. There is zero, you know, there's, there's no difference at all between me and my hero. I, I.
14:23 Speaker 01 But there is, because he's in the Sex Pistols and you're not.
14:26 Speaker 00 Yes, but I, the, the point he was trying to make was you could start your own Sex Pistols. That's the whole point of punk rock, isn't it? You can do it yourself, three chords.
14:33 Speaker 01 By saying, why don't you start a band and then sign it?
14:36 Speaker 00 And he would, he would say that to them as the person was signing their names. You could start a band. I'm just like, you're.
14:41 Speaker 01 What if they said, I don't want to?
14:42 Speaker 00 He'd go.
14:42 Speaker 01 I'm a music fan. I'm not a musician.
14:45 Speaker 00 But, but an awful lot of people did. That was a great thing about punk music, wasn't it? An awful lot of.
14:49 Speaker 01 Why didn't he just tweet that?
14:51 Speaker 00 Because it was nineteen seventy six.
14:53 Speaker 01 He could have booked a, a page in the NME.
14:56 Speaker 00 Yes, he could have done.
14:58 Speaker 02 He could. Should have, would have, could have at this stage, isn't it? It was forty, fifty years ago.
15:01 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:02 Speaker 00 But good luck to the guy. They did all right.
15:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, they did great.
15:05 Speaker 00 Well, they made one brilliant album, Dave.
15:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:08 Speaker 00 For God's sake.
15:09 Speaker 02 Don't have a go at me. I'm just trying to keep the peace.
15:11 Speaker 00 Just wound me up now because he doesn't like Johnny Rotten. Ask for people's autographs. What?
15:15 Speaker 02 You remember their famous lesser free trade hall gig in Manchester?
15:19 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
15:19 Speaker 02 It was like a famous gig.
15:20 Speaker 00 Forty people there.
15:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:21 Speaker 00 Including Mick Hucknall.
15:22 Speaker 02 Was Hucknall there? Because I know Tony Wilson was there. And a lot of New Order.
15:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, it's a, one of the, my time machine gigs.
15:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, it sounds like I was sleeping in the room that it happened in last Friday night. Because me and Hannah went into town and I thought I'd go, because the building that we're in is called, it's called the Radisson Blue. We thought we'd treat ourselves.
15:40 Speaker 00 Oh, it's now a hotel.
15:41 Speaker 02 It's now a hotel.
15:42 Speaker 00 Right, you weren't punishing.
15:43 Speaker 01 You didn't break in.
15:44 Speaker 02 No, no, no.
15:44 Speaker 01 You went to a squat or something.
15:45 Speaker 02 This building's beautiful. I wonder what it was before it was a hotel. And it turns out it was the Lesser Free Trade Hall.
15:50 Speaker 00 That's cool.
15:51 Speaker 02 It is cool. Because then you're thinking, how far away am I from the actual gig taking place?
15:55 Speaker 00 That's cool.
15:56 Speaker 01 Johnny Rotten might have plugged in his amp next to this USB charger next to the bed.
16:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, and that's cool.
16:02 Speaker 02 And also, we were in a glass building that's kind of behind it, but it's classed as the same building. So it definitely wasn't the same spots.
16:08 Speaker 01 Oh, right.
16:08 Speaker 02 And I was 10 floors up, but.
16:09 Speaker 01 So it was near.
16:10 Speaker 02 It was near. Oh, it was blimming near.
16:13 Speaker 01 Wow. So you, okay.
16:15 Speaker 02 But I would have walked through, I walked through the foyer and that was probably very near.
16:21 Speaker 01 You walked through a foyer that was near to where Johnny Rotten played 50 years ago. That's good stuff.
16:26 Speaker 00 Key figures in attendance included future members of Joy Division, The Smiths, The Fall and Buzzcocks.
16:32 Speaker 01 And Mick.
16:32 Speaker 00 And Mick Ackenell and Dave slept there later.
16:35 Speaker 02 And you know what else happened at the Lesser Free Trade Hall?
16:37 Speaker 00 Who?
16:38 Speaker 02 Judas. The call of Judas to Bob Dylan.
16:41 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, of course, from playing electric.
16:43 Speaker 02 When he went from acoustic to electric.
16:44 Speaker 01 Which, uh, Josh Widdecombe's mother-in-law was at?
16:47 Speaker 00 No way. Yes, I think she might have been, yeah. I'm sure she was.
16:52 Speaker 02 I think that was just a free trade.
16:53 Speaker 00 Ian Brown was there, was he?
16:55 Speaker 02 But there's a lot of rumours.
16:56 Speaker 00 Marky Smith, Morrissey, Peter Hook, Bernard Sumner, Howard Devolton, Pete Shelley of the Buzzcocks. Pete Shelley organised the content. This is cool.
17:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's a cool gig.
17:04 Speaker 00 John Cooper Clarke was in, Martin Hannett, the producer, was there.
17:08 Speaker 01 So Johnny Rotten's got all their signatures.
17:12 Speaker 01 That's not bad. Maybe the only reason he did that's because he saw all the famous people in the crowd.
17:18 Speaker 00 That is good. That's one of my Time Machine gigs, Steve.
17:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, absolutely. Because they basically say a lot of people who were at that gig were inspired, then go and do the stuff that they did afterwards.
17:26 Speaker 00 Exactly. John's never inspired anyone.
17:28 Speaker 02 He has.
17:29 Speaker 00 No, because he refuses to ask for people's autographs when they ask for his. He hates other people's creativity. He's the most elitist monster I've ever met in my life. And I hate him for that.
17:43 Speaker 01 Some people have booked childcare, Ellis.
17:45 Speaker 02 Yes, exactly.
17:46 Speaker 01 Was that not a case in the 70s?
17:48 Speaker 00 I think the, the audience at Sex Pistols' gigs tended to be very young.
17:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
17:54 Speaker 00 But, you know, maybe there were parents there. I'm sure there were.
17:57 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
18:03 Speaker 04 Hello, this is Susie Ruffel.
18:04 Speaker 05 And Maisie Adam.
18:05 Speaker 04 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
18:08 Speaker 05 Only the best podcast ever.
18:10 Speaker 04 Yes.
18:11 Speaker 05 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
18:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
18:22 Speaker 05 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
18:25 Speaker 04 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. You just need to search Big Kick Energy.
18:30 Speaker 05 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
18:37 Speaker 01 Elis James, Cymru Connector in chief of the good ship Ellis and John. Can he connect with his fellow country people in just 60 seconds? It's time to find out. It's time for the Cymru Connection.
18:48 Speaker 06 It's another Cymru connection. Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection. But his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school? Do you know Duffitt Evans? No, come on, mate, you must do. No, we've never met at all.
19:17 Speaker 01 Ellis just can't stop connecting. After trying his hand at some corporate connecting a few weeks ago, the London Marathon proved to be too good an opportunity to miss. Those involved with the Ellis and John cinematic universe will already have witnessed the pull that Cymru Connecting has on the man. Wherever he is, he has to connect. It's in his blood. It runs through his veins. And at the marathon, it was with a woman who wasn't even born in Wales. Nothing will stop him. Connect, he must. A successful connection with Calla Christian via Gary Pritchard last week put Ellis's connection back up to 48.25%. He's on 41 out of 85. He's within touching distance of that elusive 50.
19:58 Speaker 02 We say this a lot, don't we?
19:59 Speaker 01 Women's style's not... For about nine months.
20:02 Speaker 00 I...
20:04 Speaker 00 I did a gig a couple of weeks, about a week ago. And an oldest member came up to me during the interval and said, oh, hey, El, I've been on the Cymru connection. I said, oh, have you? And she went, yeah, I was a successful owner about nine months ago. I went, all right, what was the connection? And she said, oh, we both know so and so runs a farm in near Lampeter. And I said, oh, yeah, well, that happens to be my mother's first cousin. And she went, what? I said, it happens to be my mother's first cousin. She went, but that woman is my mother's first cousin.
20:31 Speaker 02 Right, hold on.
20:32 Speaker 00 Obviously, we were related, but we didn't realise.
20:34 Speaker 02 No way. Wow, that's next level.
20:37 Speaker 00 It is next level. Nice to know.
20:40 Speaker 01 He's a few connections away from achieving a similar hit rate to Peter Crouch's goal contributions for the England team. He's close to history.
20:49 Speaker 00 He scored all right, he was all right for England.
20:50 Speaker 02 That's what we're saying.
20:52 Speaker 01 Let's see what Ellis can do today. We have a caller on the line from Wales. Hello, caller, what's your name?
20:57 Speaker 06 Gareth.
20:57 Speaker 01 Hello, Gareth. You have 60 seconds to find a mutual connection with Ellis. Your time starts now.
21:03 Speaker 00 Is yours good?
21:04 Speaker 06 Thirty-eight. So who were in Carnarvon?
21:07 Speaker 00 Oh, so Tishaw Conrag, eh?
21:09 Speaker 06 Yeah.
21:10 Speaker 00 So who in Carnarvon? If you went to university, where did you go?
21:14 Speaker 06 Trinity in Carmarthen. And no, I don't know your mother.
21:16 Speaker 00 Oh, my God, okay.
21:18 Speaker 02 Cuts off with a pass.
21:19 Speaker 00 Um, oh, I know people who work at Trinity. I played five a side there last week. Okay, that's fine. What's your different living?
21:27 Speaker 06 I work for Theatre Cymru.
21:30 Speaker 00 Theatre Cymru.
21:31 Speaker 06 Welsh Language National Theatre Company.
21:32 Speaker 00 Okay, do you know, uh, Henry Widdicombe?
21:36 Speaker 06 Uh, no, I don't.
21:37 Speaker 00 All right, then, do you know Catherine Pascal?
21:39 Speaker 06 Uh, no, I don't.
21:40 Speaker 00 Okay, that's fine. Um, thirty-eight. Do you know Ewan England, who used to work for SFC?
21:46 Speaker 06 Uh, I know of him.
21:47 Speaker 00 Ah, okay, that's fine. Um, thirty-eight. Uh, do you know Ivan Pritchard, Gary's son?
21:57 Speaker 06 I do.
22:01 Speaker 01 Was that in the time?
22:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:02 Speaker 01 Because the, wow, that was looking rubbish.
22:05 Speaker 02 That was looking terrible.
22:06 Speaker 01 That was looking so bad. And then, wow.
22:09 Speaker 02 That was half time in Istanbul and then, wow.
22:12 Speaker 06 That's what I thought. Usually, Carnarvon, he goes for the big hits.
22:17 Speaker 01 It's like he had too much.
22:18 Speaker 00 My, yeah, it is. What happened was, because you went to Trinity and you didn't know Mam, then I was thinking about other sort of members of staff. But I was trying to work out when you would have been there. And also, because I played five aside there last week, I was thinking about the guy who let us in because he was late.
22:38 Speaker 01 So, um, so the connection is the son of last week's connection?
22:44 Speaker 00 Yes, it is.
22:45 Speaker 01 So talk to us, talk to us about Gary Pritchard's son, for goodness sake.
22:50 Speaker 00 He's a musician. He's a lovely guy. He's a great musician.
22:53 Speaker 01 How do you know him, Ellis? How does that call him?
22:55 Speaker 00 Wails away, wails away, wails away. Gary, Gary texted me after last week's connection. And I said, I must admit, Gary, you are one of my in case of emergency break glass gogs. Gogs is a, gog is a word for North Walian.
23:08 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
23:09 Speaker 00 And I said, because even, because of Ivan's sort of musical background, I thought, you know, musicians, obviously, they gig in various different places.
23:16 Speaker 01 So Gareth, how do you know Ivan?
23:18 Speaker 06 Uh, he actually worked with us once. Uh, I worked with him on a, on a, on a show touring back in the day. And it's just one of those, like, again, with the music scene, you know, with the Welsh language, you, a lot of people know a lot of people. And I've known him for years.
23:31 Speaker 01 So there must be hundreds of connections between you and Ellis. Are there any more that you know of, Gareth?
23:35 Speaker 06 Uh, I mean, you know, quite often Ellis will, uh, he'll name some technicians at local Welsh venues.
23:44 Speaker 00 Yes.
23:45 Speaker 06 Uh, which is why I went heavy on the Theatre Cymru and I just thought, yeah, maybe he'll go straight there.
23:49 Speaker 00 What's the name of the technician at Niaf Doivon Goleli?
23:52 Speaker 06 Uh, Endav.
23:54 Speaker 02 Endav.
23:56 Speaker 00 Of course, he was involved with the football team, the football club, I think.
23:59 Speaker 06 Yes, yeah, he's, yeah, he travels down to Cardiff for every Wales match.
24:03 Speaker 00 Yes, yes, yes.
24:04 Speaker 06 We were there last week, I was talking to him last week. And obviously we were there with Tidur Owen because we're currently on tour with him.
24:11 Speaker 00 Oh, are you? Do you know Carol Burke?
24:15 Speaker 06 I know her, yeah.
24:16 Speaker 01 Here we go, here we go.
24:19 Speaker 00 She's supported me on tour, the last Welsh tour, she is fantastic.
24:22 Speaker 01 When the levy breaks, Dave. Yeah.
24:25 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah, that's, that's why I actually got in touch. I really was quite intrigued because of where I'm from and where I went to uni. I thought he's either going to get it straight away or he'll struggle.
24:36 Speaker 01 He'll get into a mind freeze.
24:37 Speaker 00 It was.
24:38 Speaker 01 And we got a bit of both.
24:39 Speaker 00 I had too much choice. Do you remember Mervyn, Mervis used to work in Trinity College, very close, she's a very good friend of my mum. I can't remember what she.
24:47 Speaker 06 What did she do there?
24:47 Speaker 00 I can't remember, she worked at Student Services, but she, I did a distant pod gig in Carmarthen last week and she was my mother's guest.
24:54 Speaker 06 I might do, but when it comes to Student Services and like careers, I did the acting course, so they probably thought I was a lot of course anyway.
25:01 Speaker 00 Do you do that one? Oh, of course. Oh, you're 38?
25:04 Speaker 06 I, sorry.
25:05 Speaker 00 You don't know Bracken England, do you? Oh, he's older than you.
25:08 Speaker 06 No.
25:09 Speaker 00 That's fine, that's fine. I'm, I'm a good person.
25:12 Speaker 06 Honestly, I think we could, we could be here for hours comparing notes on who we know.
25:17 Speaker 00 And I'd like that.
25:17 Speaker 06 You've named so many people that over the, however long you've been doing this, like, yeah.
25:22 Speaker 00 Carol, yeah, she's so funny, Tidur's very funny as well. So is he, is he on tour at the moment?
25:28 Speaker 06 Tonight is the last show.
25:29 Speaker 00 Oh, right. Oh, lovely.
25:31 Speaker 06 Of, of the show that he wrote for us.
25:33 Speaker 00 At Aberystwyth?
25:34 Speaker 06 It is, yeah.
25:35 Speaker 00 Nice. Okay, well, well, best, best luck to his, to Tidur for his final show. What's your name, sorry?
25:42 Speaker 06 Gareth, Gareth Roberts or Gareth Bond as everybody knows me.
25:45 Speaker 00 Gareth Bond, I think, I think we've got lots of mutual friends on Facebook. Why, where's the Bond come from?
25:51 Speaker 06 I'm from Bond's Nowhere, which is just outside Canarvon.
25:54 Speaker 00 Perfect.
25:55 Speaker 06 It's just always stuck with me since uni. I don't know how, but it just, it just always stuck.
25:59 Speaker 00 Well, it's because there's 150,000 Gareths in Wales, so we've got to find ways of distinguishing them. Nice to chat with you, Gareth. Thank you very much.
26:09 Speaker 01 Lovely stuff. Ellis edging closer to the magic 50. Yeah. Will it be in the next couple of weeks? Nah. No? Well, what a treat it was. If you think you might have a connection to Ellis, email us, [email protected] . Also, send your made up games, your anecdotes, your mad dads and your ask us anythings, but not your complaints.
26:33 Speaker 02 Thanks.
26:33 Speaker 00 We're too fragile.
26:35 Speaker 02 Nah, we can take a bit of.
26:36 Speaker 01 Dave can take them.
26:37 Speaker 00 Dave can take them. It keeps Dave humble, but it just absolutely destroys John.
26:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm paper thin at the minute. Also, my hair is, what is it? I don't think there's a word for what it is.
26:48 Speaker 02 No, it's an interesting.
26:49 Speaker 00 I think he looks quite tousled and sexual, actually.
26:51 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you. It's more.
26:53 Speaker 00 I think his hair looks tousled and sexual.
26:56 Speaker 02 What does that mean?
26:57 Speaker 00 Well, like he's just been, you know.
26:58 Speaker 02 Oh, right.
27:00 Speaker 01 I think it's more couldn't sleep and road closures.
27:04 Speaker 02 What are you using in it? You should have interest.
27:06 Speaker 01 You what?
27:07 Speaker 02 What are you using in it?
27:08 Speaker 00 Gravel.
27:08 Speaker 02 Is it clay? Is it wax? Is it hairspray?
27:11 Speaker 01 So like the first day I wash it, I have to put something in or it's just fluffy.
27:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:16 Speaker 01 It looks like a cloud.
27:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:17 Speaker 01 So I'll put some argan oil in it.
27:19 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
27:20 Speaker 01 If it's an emergency and it has to look like I haven't washed it for four days, I will also add a tiny touch of paste just to hold it. And then I just let those two things from day one mingle with my natural oils.
27:34 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
27:35 Speaker 01 And then you get to day four, which is just when my hair looks, the one day a week it looks good. Unfortunately, we're now at like day eight.
27:42 Speaker 00 You washed your hair for eight days?
27:44 Speaker 01 I don't think so.
27:45 Speaker 00 You need to go to jail.
27:47 Speaker 01 No, because my hair is different to yours and my scalp is different to yours. It has to be managed differently. We're all different.
27:54 Speaker 02 But so when you get in the shower, are you wetting it?
27:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:56 Speaker 02 You just don't wash it with anything?
27:58 Speaker 01 Well, I might. I mean, in an ideal world, I would wash my hair, I think, every five days, but I just haven't had the chance.
28:03 Speaker 00 Do you wash your face?
28:04 Speaker 01 Yes.
28:04 Speaker 00 So your hair is getting wet then?
28:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:07 Speaker 00 Wet through. All right, all right.
28:11 Speaker 01 I don't do it. I don't like.
28:13 Speaker 00 That's fine.
28:13 Speaker 01 Wipe my bum with my hair, do I?
28:17 Speaker 02 How would you? How would you?
28:19 Speaker 00 You could make a brush of your hair and wipe your bum with that, but obviously.
28:25 Speaker 01 Like an odd king.
28:30 Speaker 01 Who wants to have a fancy life but doesn't quite know what that means?
28:34 Speaker 00 And also it's the kind of thing that would end up in a museum in about 500 years' time. The museum creator would be like, "Let's not display that one, actually."
28:40 Speaker 02 King John's brush, we'll put in the back.
28:41 Speaker 00 We'll keep it for the historians, but...
28:43 Speaker 01 Like boasting to his rival in Burgundy or in Geneva that he wipes his bum with a brush made of his own hair. And they just go, "Why? Does that sound fancy?"
29:01 Speaker 01 Oh, lordy. Okay.
29:06 Speaker 01 Let's play a made up game.
29:13 Speaker 01 Right, Dave, let's play a made up game, please.
29:16 Speaker 02 Yes, brand new made up game.
29:17 Speaker 01 Is it hold your breath while all your apps update? You're good at that.
29:21 Speaker 02 No, that was on Friday's pod where you...
29:24 Speaker 01 It was, yeah.
29:24 Speaker 02 You play... I love your little mental games that you play.
29:27 Speaker 01 Thanks, Dave.
29:28 Speaker 02 It's very sweet. But no, it's not.
29:30 Speaker 00 I think they're a glimpse into a troubled mind.
29:33 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, there's all that knocking about.
29:36 Speaker 01 Both things can be true.
29:37 Speaker 02 Yes. A new jingle. And we are returning to the ever so creative Matt Black, who's made an album of made up games jingles.
29:46 Speaker 01 Oh, my god. Back in Matt.
29:48 Speaker 02 Back in Matt. Matt Black's alias is called Cracked Copy. Very cool.
29:53 Speaker 01 Very cool.
29:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, very mysterious. And we have another amazing jingle from Matt. So let's just have a quick recap of what we've had in the past from this prolific songwriter. So far, we've heard a jingle inspired by Brian May.
30:20 Speaker 02 A jingle based on Ellis's favourite super furry animals.
30:25 Speaker 00 Of course.
30:27 Speaker 00 Oh, the golden retriever, yeah.
30:30 Speaker 02 These are all from my... It's pretty cool.
30:34 Speaker 01 Matt's our version of Eyes on Legs.
30:37 Speaker 02 What's that?
30:37 Speaker 01 On random movie generator, they improvise songs and they're turned into songs by a musician, creator called Eyes on Legs. And I played, I played Touch My Butt.
30:48 Speaker 02 Did you?
30:49 Speaker 01 At your-
30:50 Speaker 02 At my club night?
30:50 Speaker 01 At your club night.
30:51 Speaker 02 Damn.
30:52 Speaker 01 While people were walking in. It's such a good song. Check out Touch My Butt on-
30:56 Speaker 02 Was everyone dancing? Was everyone going wild on the dance floors?
30:59 Speaker 01 No, everyone was going "why" on the dance floor.
31:04 Speaker 02 And now it's time for another belter from Matt, based on Jellyfish. Here is Matt's next jingle.
31:31 Speaker 01 It's like Muse meets The Darkness.
31:33 Speaker 02 Yes, it's very new.
31:45 Speaker 01 A bit Elliot Smith.
31:46 Speaker 02 A bit Sharon Brakes as well.
32:23 Speaker 01 I think that might be one of my favourite ever of all time.
32:26 Speaker 02 Is it?
32:26 Speaker 01 And I've never even heard of Jellyfish.
32:28 Speaker 02 That was great.
32:29 Speaker 01 And I still don't think I've heard the Go Team one that we had years ago, because Ivo was in for me that week.
32:34 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
32:35 Speaker 01 But Matt, there was a lot of me in there.
32:39 Speaker 02 I think we should do a little best of for our cinematic universe.
32:42 Speaker 01 That's a good show.
32:42 Speaker 02 Where we just put them all together as a little mega album.
32:44 Speaker 01 And when do we put a playlist on Spotify?
32:47 Speaker 00 Okay, we don't monetise that as well, but that's fine.
32:50 Speaker 01 Dave, how many times do I have to say to you, not everything's about money? Sometimes it's just about providing good content.
32:58 Speaker 00 Well, it's the first time you've ever said that.
33:00 Speaker 01 But how would that exist on Patreon?
33:02 Speaker 00 Dave's favourite-
33:03 Speaker 02 Do a little running audio playlist.
33:05 Speaker 01 What do you mean, an audio playlist?
33:06 Speaker 00 Just put them back to back.
33:07 Speaker 01 So just a big file?
33:09 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:09 Speaker 01 A big chunky, unusable file?
33:11 Speaker 00 You've got to remember-
33:12 Speaker 02 You make a collection, you make a collection.
33:14 Speaker 01 How do you do that?
33:15 Speaker 00 You just make a collection, probably.
33:17 Speaker 01 Just put it on Spotify.
33:18 Speaker 00 You've got to remember, John-
33:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:20 Speaker 00 That Dave's favourite book is The Art of the Deal by Donald Trump.
33:23 Speaker 01 It's true, actually. And mine is, um, mine is, um-
33:29 Speaker 00 Well, it's The Communist Manifesto by-
33:30 Speaker 01 Big time.
33:31 Speaker 02 I thought yours was The Game, wasn't it?
33:33 Speaker 01 It's actually got to be hell, hell, hell, hell, and hath no fury like me now.
33:42 Speaker 02 Thank you, Matt. Very talented chap.
33:45 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
33:46 Speaker 02 Cracked copy.
33:48 Speaker 00 Oh, goodness me.
33:49 Speaker 02 Scores on the doors. John clawed things back early in the third set by winning autobiography Lexicography last week. It's now 15 all-
33:58 Speaker 00 Oh, some-
33:58 Speaker 02 In the first game of the third-
34:00 Speaker 00 Somebody wrote in, John's Shane Warne title was, don't-
34:06 Speaker 02 Shane, I didn't warn you.
34:06 Speaker 00 Shane, I didn't warn you. Someone suggested Warne and Peace.
34:10 Speaker 02 Nice.
34:11 Speaker 00 I think I got that right.
34:13 Speaker 02 No, there's another good one that someone suggested as well that I saw, but Don't Shane, I Didn't Warn You is tip top notch.
34:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, Warne, Peace.
34:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
34:23 Speaker 01 Hmm.
34:25 Speaker 01 It's quite work.
34:26 Speaker 02 No.
34:27 Speaker 00 But it's good.
34:28 Speaker 02 It is good.
34:29 Speaker 00 I admire it.
34:31 Speaker 02 It's 15 all in the first game of the third set. John leading two sets to love. This week's game comes in from Tom and his 10-year-old daughter Flo. Hello, Ellis, John and producer Dave. My daughter Flo invented this game on a long drive back from Bristol to Manchester. It kept us occupied until at least the M6.
34:49 Speaker 01 Oh.
34:50 Speaker 02 Flo called it Name That Lane, and I've called it Living Life in the Obscure Lane. Both good.
34:56 Speaker 00 Both good.
34:57 Speaker 01 I love the fact that she's given it a name and he's gone, no, I can do better. Lovely story.
35:03 Speaker 00 Let Dad do it.
35:05 Speaker 01 Let Dad, let Dad win.
35:07 Speaker 00 We should call it Let Dad Do It.
35:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:19 Speaker 01 But I started, my friend Catherine, who I went to uni with, came to the Birmingham show, she lives in Birmingham. And we'd been playing Scrabble online for a couple of weeks and she was chatting to Ruth about it. And it was like, yeah, I thought it would just be fun to play Scrabble, but I kind of hate it now. And he's ruined it. He ruined it within days because I thought Scrabble was just about having fun. But apparently it's not about not using an S for less than 50 points.
35:47 Speaker 02 Can you message each other?
35:49 Speaker 01 Yes, you can.
35:50 Speaker 02 And is there banter? Is there a bit of fun or are you quite serious with it?
35:53 Speaker 01 I think I like, maybe I give too many instructions. Like I say, you shouldn't have done that. You should have done this.
36:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's horrible.
36:03 Speaker 01 She was like, I always just play this once a year at Christmas for fun. Now it's been ruined.
36:09 Speaker 00 That's nice to hear.
36:11 Speaker 02 Right.
36:11 Speaker 00 Constant advice. The drip, drip, drip of constant advice.
36:17 Speaker 01 You shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't, you shouldn't use a blank for less than a bingo.
36:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:21 Speaker 01 Unless you've got two blanks.
36:22 Speaker 02 Because you're just trying to help, aren't you?
36:24 Speaker 01 I'm sort of trying to, I don't know, what am I trying to do?
36:28 Speaker 02 What are you trying to do?
36:29 Speaker 01 I need, whatever it is, I need to stop trying.
36:31 Speaker 00 Tim Key plays Scrabble online with Izzy and they seem to be having fun.
36:34 Speaker 02 Because does Tim go, oh, good, good one?
36:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, I don't think, I don't think he says, you shouldn't have done that.
36:39 Speaker 01 David, I, I do say good one, but sometimes if anyone beats me, I accuse them of cheating. And I think they find that quite difficult to, to handle.
36:49 Speaker 00 How would you cheat?
36:51 Speaker 01 Just use an online anagrammer. I mean, you could just put your letters into an anagram machine.
36:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, because then, then.
36:56 Speaker 01 And they say that's, that's quite offensive.
36:57 Speaker 02 Are you doing it?
36:58 Speaker 01 Because you've won like nine in a row and the one I've won, you've said I was cheating.
37:02 Speaker 02 Does, it does suck the joy out of the game, doesn't it?
37:05 Speaker 01 Oh God, yeah.
37:06 Speaker 02 No one's doing it for fun anymore.
37:07 Speaker 00 It's a good feature made up games and I can't wait to play another one.
37:12 Speaker 02 You're looking forward to being accused of cheating when you win this game, Alan. The idea is simple. It's essentially pointless, but for roads. Dave will give you a category. You then think of an obscure road name that fits that category. The more obscure, the better. Dave will then look up the roads and count how many with that name exist in the entire world.
37:34 Speaker 01 Whoa, whoa, slow down.
37:36 Speaker 02 I'm gonna keep.
37:37 Speaker 01 Dave, as soon as you said road, I just started thinking of roads. I wasn't following anything else you said.
37:43 Speaker 02 It's pretty basic. We'll recap at the end, but let me just fly through a few of the rules. You get a point for each road that exists, and the aim is to have the least number of points by the end of the game.
37:53 Speaker 01 What?
37:54 Speaker 02 So there's a website called Nominatim, Nominatim, which is a search engine with open street map data, which gives you accurate global count of street names. So here's how it works. Scores are capped at 10. So anything that goes above 10 will count as 10 points because it becomes a bit unwieldy for us to score after 10. So your road name, if your road name.
38:17 Speaker 00 We're not talking about motorways now. We're not talking about like the sort of, the way you'd get from Cardiff to Swansea, but not using the M4.
38:25 Speaker 02 No, it's names of roads.
38:26 Speaker 00 Like street names?
38:27 Speaker 02 Yes, street names.
38:28 Speaker 00 Right, okay.
38:29 Speaker 02 Yes, street names. If your road name returns zero results, i.e. it doesn't exist anywhere in the world, you score a penalty of 10 points. So you get the maximum of 10 points. Oh, I don't know if you need to say that. We'll just do that.
38:41 Speaker 01 What on earth are you talking about?
38:42 Speaker 00 I need examples. If you give me an example, I'll be able to work it out.
38:45 Speaker 02 So I'll give you a category. Let's say, let's pick a category that isn't one of these categories.
38:56 Speaker 02 Football.
38:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:57 Speaker 02 So you.
38:58 Speaker 00 So Paul Ince Lane.
39:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:01 Speaker 00 Almost certainly doesn't exist.
39:02 Speaker 02 Well, that's no good.
39:03 Speaker 00 But like Hunter Avenue, because if Norman Hunter probably does.
39:06 Speaker 02 Let's say there's four Hunter Avenues.
39:08 Speaker 01 In the world?
39:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:11 Speaker 00 But let's just play this in the week. Let's just play the game with using these examples.
39:14 Speaker 02 We played in the week. Producer Jenny immediately got a one-point answer.
39:18 Speaker 01 So.
39:18 Speaker 02 And I got a six-point answer.
39:20 Speaker 01 So this should be called Where the Streets Have One Name.
39:24 Speaker 02 Sorry about that Flo, John's just done what your dad did to you.
39:29 Speaker 02 Two people now telling you your name's not good enough.
39:31 Speaker 00 My example kind of works, so Paulin's Avenue doesn't exist.
39:33 Speaker 02 No good.
39:34 Speaker 01 But it might do if his hometown had named a cul-de-sac after him.
39:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:37 Speaker 00 Yes.
39:38 Speaker 01 Or a dual carriageway Paul, I'm not throwing shade on you mate.
39:41 Speaker 00 And then you'd get one point.
39:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, and that's what you want.
39:44 Speaker 02 That's what you want.
39:45 Speaker 01 So you want a unique road name.
39:47 Speaker 02 Yes.
39:47 Speaker 01 Okay.
39:48 Speaker 02 One point.
39:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:49 Speaker 02 And there is scoring between one and nine. If you go to 10 or over, you're just getting 10 points because too hard to score.
39:55 Speaker 01 So if the category was drugs and you said high street, there's no chance you're getting 10.
40:00 Speaker 00 No, no, no, but.
40:01 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, you're getting 10 after that.
40:03 Speaker 01 Because there's a million high streets in the world.
40:04 Speaker 00 Ketamine Avenue.
40:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:06 Speaker 02 Right. You never know.
40:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:07 Speaker 02 You never know.
40:09 Speaker 00 Right.
40:10 Speaker 02 We road tested this.
40:11 Speaker 01 Meow muse.
40:14 Speaker 02 Oh, I love a muse. I do love a muse. We road tested this and it's doable.
40:18 Speaker 01 Okay.
40:18 Speaker 02 It's doable. So let's see how we get on.
40:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in other countries, so say like Japan.
40:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:25 Speaker 01 Are they called street or avenue or do they have their own terms for sort of thoroughfares?
40:31 Speaker 02 You will need to pick ones that are calling it street. So I'd go, so it's English speaking.
40:35 Speaker 00 So you wouldn't go like Ruda something in France.
40:37 Speaker 02 No, that won't count because we're going to search Paulin's Avenue.
40:41 Speaker 01 And is it just UK or is it worldwide?
40:43 Speaker 02 It is world. It is world. Oh, no, I don't know how big Paulin's is in America.
40:47 Speaker 00 So you've got America, Australia, New Zealand.
40:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:49 Speaker 00 Canada, essentially.
40:50 Speaker 01 So it's essentially the British Empire. Commonwealth.
40:55 Speaker 00 English speaking. And the, you know, the parts of the world where Paulin's is famous.
41:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:01 Speaker 00 And obviously you play for Inter Milan, so they might be.
41:03 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
41:03 Speaker 00 But you need street, do you?
41:05 Speaker 02 You need street, road, car, whatever.
41:07 Speaker 00 If there's a road or a street named after Paulin's in Milan, that wouldn't count.
41:10 Speaker 02 Well, unless you want to give it the Italian name and then we search for that. You could search, you could go foreign if you wanted to.
41:17 Speaker 00 I'd be shooting at the moon then.
41:18 Speaker 02 You'd be shooting at the moon.
41:19 Speaker 01 But so say, say the topic category's numbers.
41:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:24 Speaker 01 And you went 42nd Street. Okay, I think, well, sorry, I'm making this complicated. Let's learn by playing.
41:31 Speaker 02 Let's learn by blumming playing in a game we're all calling at this stage, Name That Lane. So, the aim here is go obscure, but not too obscure that they don't exist. It's tricky, but there's a little, there's a, there's a sweet spot. There is a sweet spot. Category for the first round is food and drink.
41:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
41:54 Speaker 02 You can scribble if you want, or just think in your big, big, big heads.
41:58 Speaker 00 I've got one.
42:00 Speaker 02 Alice has got, yeah, scribble down because you, you don't want to be influenced really by the other person's because we need both answers for this.
42:08 Speaker 01 Okay.
42:09 Speaker 02 Alice, have you got one?
42:10 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:12 Speaker 01 I hope this works.
42:14 Speaker 02 There's been a lot of scorn poured on poor Flo's game at this point.
42:17 Speaker 00 Flo's only 10, she's got the really good game.
42:19 Speaker 01 Yeah. I take it all back. This is remarkably complex for a 10-year-old. Because I can't understand it.
42:25 Speaker 00 Yeah. She's a mega mind.
42:27 Speaker 02 A mega mind.
42:28 Speaker 01 Okay.
42:29 Speaker 02 Alice, what's your road name?
42:31 Speaker 00 Pudding Lane.
42:31 Speaker 02 Pudding Lane.
42:32 Speaker 01 Very good, we know there's one.
42:34 Speaker 02 Is there, yeah, but is there loads? We just don't know at this stage.
42:37 Speaker 01 Because it's quite famous.
42:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, so have other people then copied it?
42:41 Speaker 00 By the way, I spent all of last weekend in rural Carmarthenshire and I did not see one rabbit. So where are they?
42:52 Speaker 01 Um, I've gone cabbage lane.
42:54 Speaker 02 Cabbage lane. Well, lane I think is good. Well, I don't know, there are a lot of lanes.
42:59 Speaker 00 I, I don't feel stupid.
43:01 Speaker 01 No, no, you're not stupid.
43:02 Speaker 00 So, so I'm looking forward to finding out. I think this is a, this is a good game. I think Flo's come up with a good game.
43:07 Speaker 02 I think both of those could exist.
43:09 Speaker 01 Well, Pudding Lane does exist.
43:11 Speaker 02 Well, exactly, yes. Good, yeah, good point. Pudding Lane does exist, so.
43:14 Speaker 01 But I thought cabbage, it's not, it's not such a loved vegetable that you'd want to commemorate it. But there must be a lane there near where they grew cabbages in the 1600s.
43:26 Speaker 00 Red Onion Alley.
43:27 Speaker 01 Red Onion Alley. I should have gone for that.
43:31 Speaker 01 Tartar sauce.
43:34 Speaker 00 Street.
43:35 Speaker 01 Street.
43:36 Speaker 00 Tartar sauce, street.
43:37 Speaker 02 Points are in, the scores are in.
43:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:40 Speaker 02 You're both scoring a maximum of 10. There are more than 10 pudding lanes and cabbage lanes.
43:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, so I think this will be the case for all of them.
43:47 Speaker 02 Well, we did it in the week.
43:49 Speaker 01 It's the world, Dave. You know how big the world is, right?
43:52 Speaker 02 Do you know what got a one in the week?
43:54 Speaker 01 What?
43:54 Speaker 02 Hamburger Street.
43:56 Speaker 01 Huh.
43:56 Speaker 00 That's good.
43:57 Speaker 02 And that was a one. Milk Avenue is a four pointer.
44:00 Speaker 01 Okay.
44:01 Speaker 02 There are names if you're good enough at the game.
44:04 Speaker 01 Okay.
44:05 Speaker 02 You cannot account for skill at this point.
44:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would. But cabbage lane isn't a bad guess, is it?
44:11 Speaker 00 I should have gone.
44:11 Speaker 01 I don't know anyone who lives on a cabbage lane.
44:13 Speaker 00 I should have gone for Yogurt Street.
44:18 Speaker 02 Uh, right.
44:19 Speaker 01 Onken Avenue.
44:22 Speaker 00 Petty Fluville.
44:24 Speaker 02 Round two.
44:27 Speaker 02 And if we thought it was too vague at round one, round two is related to emotions and feelings.
44:33 Speaker 00 Oh, God.
44:34 Speaker 02 Emotions and feelings. Well, the world is your oyster. Where will you go? Who knows? For emotions and feelings, I've got an example here, again, that I won't reveal until the end, but it's doable.
44:48 Speaker 02 It is doable. Please, someone do it, though, because we can't have five rounds of 10 points.
44:58 Speaker 02 Michael, just line up a tie break, potentially. Just need a closest to the pin.
45:05 Speaker 02 Maybe how many high streets are there in the world?
45:08 Speaker 00 No, I will swear and I will make the programme unusable if you make me guess.
45:15 Speaker 00 I will make it, I swear to you, I will make it unusable.
45:18 Speaker 02 How are we ever supposed to do tie breaks if you refuse to guess?
45:21 Speaker 00 You're the producer, mate. Come up with, come up with a better idea. I'll just hit you.
45:29 Speaker 01 Good grief.
45:32 Speaker 01 Okay, we'll have a think.
45:34 Speaker 02 We will have a little thing, won't we? How are we getting on for emotions and feelings?
45:39 Speaker 00 This, the problem is, it's easy to get a tenner. Like, as in one that's, they'll definitely be more than ten.
45:46 Speaker 02 It's a really, really hard game. It's a tricky game.
45:48 Speaker 00 But, so I'm now just gonna go for it.
45:50 Speaker 02 Go for, yeah, go for obscure and hope that there is one mad person that's named the street that thing. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Okay, John?
45:58 Speaker 01 I've gone, I don't know whether this is a mistake. I'm gonna go memory lane.
46:03 Speaker 02 I think that's a huge mistake.
46:06 Speaker 01 Okay. Because I can- Sorry, I haven't learnt all the roads on earth, Dave. Especially when you have to have less than ten.
46:13 Speaker 00 I considered-
46:15 Speaker 02 I think that's a huge mistake.
46:17 Speaker 00 Obviously, there's hope streets, there's faiths. I've gone for pain lane.
46:22 Speaker 02 Ooh, pain lane.
46:23 Speaker 00 Because people feel pain.
46:25 Speaker 01 They do.
46:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:26 Speaker 01 Okay.
46:27 Speaker 02 And it's gotta be spelt P-A-I-N.
46:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:30 Speaker 02 Here we go. We are in play with a game that works. John, more than ten, I'm afraid, for you.
46:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:37 Speaker 02 Ellis, two points.
46:39 Speaker 01 Wow.
46:40 Speaker 02 For pain lane.
46:42 Speaker 01 I bet they're both on steep hills.
46:44 Speaker 02 Nice, good. Five points for that, John.
46:47 Speaker 00 Where, where are they? Do we know?
46:49 Speaker 02 Do we know where they are?
46:52 Speaker 02 Lincolnshire in the UK. And North Carolina.
46:55 Speaker 00 Lincolnshire and North Carolina.
46:56 Speaker 02 Hands across the ocean as well, what a lovely thought. Uh, it's, it's great. So John's on twenty, Ellis is on twelve.
47:05 Speaker 01 Yep.
47:06 Speaker 02 You're both still in play as we move to animals.
47:11 Speaker 01 Okay.
47:14 Speaker 02 Uh, and as an example, I'm looking at a one pointer here, so it's doable. By the way, humility lane would have been a one pointer.
47:20 Speaker 01 You say I'm looking at a one pointer.
47:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
47:21 Speaker 01 But you're talking about one road from all the roads on earth. It's not like we know that.
47:27 Speaker 02 Wow, we did it in the week, didn't we, guys?
47:29 Speaker 01 Bloody hell, someone's got a case that we did it in the week.
47:50 Speaker 02 Animals, round three. Are you in?
47:53 Speaker 01 Yep.
47:54 Speaker 02 Ellis?
47:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, I am in.
47:57 Speaker 02 Let's see if you can do as well as we did in the week. What have you got there, Ellis?
48:00 Speaker 00 Red Admiral Street.
48:01 Speaker 01 Oh, that's a... I'd like to live there.
48:03 Speaker 02 Red Admiral Street. It does sound nice. It's a bit of a risk in there, but it's good.
48:10 Speaker 00 You've got to take risks.
48:12 Speaker 02 You've got to at this level. John?
48:17 Speaker 01 Aardvark Avenue.
48:19 Speaker 02 Now, I think that's the sort of one that might get you in the lows.
48:22 Speaker 01 Okay.
48:24 Speaker 02 But it could also get you in the zeros.
48:25 Speaker 01 Okay.
48:26 Speaker 02 Let's find out. Love to get John on the scoreboard here.
48:30 Speaker 01 Do you know what? I think this game would be better if it was capped at 100.
48:34 Speaker 02 Oh, absolutely, but we can't score that.
48:36 Speaker 01 Why not?
48:36 Speaker 02 Because the website, it only gives you the first 10 to give you a specific answer. Hello. We have two players who have figured out how to play the game.
48:47 Speaker 01 Okay.
48:48 Speaker 02 Ellis, Red Admiral Street, four streets.
48:51 Speaker 01 Wow, well done.
48:52 Speaker 02 Four Red Admirals Streets. John?
48:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:54 Speaker 02 Aardvark Lane, two...
48:56 Speaker 01 Aardvark Avenue.
48:57 Speaker 02 Aardvark Avenue, sorry, two Aardvark...
49:00 Speaker 01 He's clawed back a couple avenues.
49:02 Speaker 00 Where are the... Where are the... Where are the Aardvark Avenues?
49:06 Speaker 02 Both in Idaho, of course they are.
49:07 Speaker 00 Both in Idaho.
49:08 Speaker 02 Of course.
49:12 Speaker 00 Well, John loves Idaho.
49:13 Speaker 02 Yeah. So, as we move into the fourth round, it's Ellis is on 16, John's on 22. It's a close game.
49:22 Speaker 00 Fair play to Flo.
49:23 Speaker 02 It's a good game.
49:23 Speaker 00 I'm enjoying it.
49:24 Speaker 02 Once you get your eye in, um, what was it?
49:27 Speaker 00 I hope she's still listening.
49:27 Speaker 01 Very difficult without access to that website, though.
49:30 Speaker 02 Oh, it's charred, but if you play in the week and you get it right, it's...
49:33 Speaker 01 How did a 10-year-old find out about a website that lists every road on earth?
49:38 Speaker 02 Uh, because I imagine her dad, Tom, was helping.
49:41 Speaker 00 No, I reckon what would have happened is she would have said, "I wonder how many, you know, so-and-so streets there are." And her dad would have said, "Well, I'll Google it," and he would have found the website. And then she would have gone, "Oh, I think..."
49:52 Speaker 01 Or Flo is really into coding.
49:55 Speaker 00 They do coding at schools now.
49:57 Speaker 01 Do they?
49:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:58 Speaker 01 That's terrifying.
50:00 Speaker 02 Another good example, which I think was Jenny's from In the Week, was Walraven.
50:03 Speaker 01 Who in the week?
50:06 Speaker 02 Producer Jenny, Walrus Avenue was a one pointer.
50:08 Speaker 01 Oh, nice.
50:09 Speaker 00 Where's that? Walrus Avenue?
50:11 Speaker 01 Let's not get bogged down in where all the roads on earth are.
50:13 Speaker 02 Round four, clothing.
50:18 Speaker 00 Hmm.
50:20 Speaker 02 Clothing, of course. You're both big fans?
50:23 Speaker 00 I, I mean, I've, I've got one. I can't think of a better one.
50:25 Speaker 02 Okay. John?
50:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay.
50:29 Speaker 02 Who are we coming to first? I think it's you, John.
50:31 Speaker 01 Sock Street.
50:32 Speaker 02 Sock Street.
50:35 Speaker 00 Corset Street.
50:36 Speaker 01 Oh, that's, I'd like to go there. I'd love an Airbnb on Corset Street. Not, no, no, because of olden times, not because of sexual tension.
50:46 Speaker 00 Sex or the tension.
50:49 Speaker 01 Also, I think always with corsets and stuff, I should imagine someone being in comfort, in discomfort and not being able to breathe.
50:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, because of Titanic.
50:55 Speaker 01 I don't think it's sexy. I've not seen Titanic.
50:57 Speaker 00 You've not seen Titanic?
50:58 Speaker 01 No, you've not seen a lot of the Rings.
51:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:00 Speaker 01 One all.
51:02 Speaker 02 They-
51:03 Speaker 00 I haven't seen Minions.
51:04 Speaker 02 They Titan Roses.
51:05 Speaker 01 I have it, should be good.
51:06 Speaker 00 No, it's just I know of it because everyone at the darts is dressed as a minion, but I haven't actually seen the film.
51:12 Speaker 02 The results are in. We've gone full circle. You're both on 10 points because they were both zero answers.
51:18 Speaker 01 No Sock Street?
51:19 Speaker 02 No Sock Street.
51:20 Speaker 00 No Corset Street.
51:20 Speaker 02 No Corset Street.
51:22 Speaker 00 Corset Lane?
51:23 Speaker 02 And we're not gonna, we're not looking for that because that wasn't one of the guesses. So the, the scores remain.
51:29 Speaker 01 No.
51:31 Speaker 02 The scores are now 32 to John, 26 to Ellis.
51:36 Speaker 00 Okay.
51:36 Speaker 02 As we move to the final round, it's all to play for, still in play. One misstep from Ellis and it all changes.
51:42 Speaker 01 Well, I have to get very low.
51:45 Speaker 02 You do, to be fair.
51:46 Speaker 01 And that's fine.
51:48 Speaker 02 Um, nah, you might be all right. The human body.
51:53 Speaker 01 Dave.
51:55 Speaker 02 No, where were we?
51:56 Speaker 00 Well, there's one very famous rude street name. Now, that's basically been eradicated.
52:02 Speaker 02 Well, if you both went for that, that would be no good for one of you.
52:08 Speaker 01 Hmm.
52:08 Speaker 00 Would help you out there, John.
52:09 Speaker 01 We'd have to bleep it.
52:12 Speaker 02 Let's not go for names that we have to bleep.
52:14 Speaker 01 Is it? Hmm. But I could win if I say that. That's a test of me.
52:21 Speaker 02 I would say let's rule, let's rule out that one because he could just go for it as well and just cancel you out. So we may as well just make it a fair final round. I'm not riding on this to go 30 15 up in the third game. John, are you happy?
52:40 Speaker 02 Oh, he scribbled and he's gone again. Okay. 11th hour. Ellis, you happy?
52:45 Speaker 00 Not really, but I have an answer.
52:47 Speaker 02 He's got an answer. Now, where does Alice land this? Because if he goes too risky, it's an immediate 10. Yeah. Go on, hit us, Ellis.
52:54 Speaker 00 I considered, you know, eyeball, Ali. Um, elbow lane.
52:59 Speaker 02 Elbow lane. Yeah. Yes.
53:03 Speaker 01 I've gone thumb lane.
53:06 Speaker 02 Thumb lane.
53:07 Speaker 01 I think there might be quite a few thumb lanes.
53:10 Speaker 00 See, there's a, there's a very sharp turning at Southwills. It's called the Fiddler's Elbow.
53:16 Speaker 01 Because the thing is, when they build housing estates, like when I was a kid growing up in Thornbury, there was a huge development that must have been done in the 70s that were all named after birds. Yeah. Close, like Lark's Lane. Yeah. So there's probably, there's probably big estates where they've gone, okay, let's do the body this time. Yeah. So like bottom, bottom, bottom. I should have gone bottom, bottom. I bet there's a bottom, bottom.
53:42 Speaker 00 You can live on FEMA cul-de-sac.
53:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:45 Speaker 02 There's a potential for a pretty dramatic end of it. Let's just see how things pan out. There's a gasp from Michael over there. That's interesting. There was a tense, a tense exhale. Wow. Just, just collaborate, just corroborating.
54:04 Speaker 00 Michael.
54:04 Speaker 02 This is why VAR takes a long time.
54:06 Speaker 01 Either it all matters or none of it matters. That's what, that's the key to this show.
54:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
54:14 Speaker 00 There's thumbs up from the gallery.
54:16 Speaker 01 But is it thumbs up for thumbs lane?
54:19 Speaker 00 I think there will definitely be a thumbs lane.
54:23 Speaker 01 Holy smokes. Holy smokes. Right, can we stop gasping and start scoring?
54:30 Speaker 02 Right, the results are in. Ellis. Albo Lane.
54:36 Speaker 02 Nine points.
54:39 Speaker 01 Wow, well done.
54:41 Speaker 02 That's good. It's a good score. It takes your final score from 26 to 35. John, Thumb Lane is within the point scoring. Thumb Lane gives you four points. You were on 32.
54:58 Speaker 01 Yep.
54:58 Speaker 02 It takes you to 36.
54:59 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
55:00 Speaker 02 Ellis wins by a point.
55:02 Speaker 00 Istanbul.
55:03 Speaker 02 It's Istanbul.
55:06 Speaker 01 No, it's not Istanbul.
55:07 Speaker 02 No, it's not Istanbul. No.
55:08 Speaker 00 No.
55:08 Speaker 01 Because Liverpool didn't lose 3-2.
55:12 Speaker 00 Yeah. All right, it's just very exciting.
55:14 Speaker 01 Yeah. Not every... When will you two learn? Not everything is Istanbul.
55:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
55:18 Speaker 02 It's City QPR.
55:19 Speaker 00 It's very exciting.
55:22 Speaker 01 Great game. I really enjoyed that game.
55:23 Speaker 02 That's good fun. Another good answer. Shoulder Road would have been two points.
55:27 Speaker 01 Oh, I had Shoulder Street was what I crossed out.
55:29 Speaker 02 Did you? Yeah, so there was... They're in there. There are answers in the 10.
55:35 Speaker 01 It takes you a while to get used to, but I love that game. Thank you, Flo.
55:39 Speaker 02 Thank you, Flo, and thank you, Tom.
55:41 Speaker 00 What was your first one? Cabbage Street?
55:43 Speaker 02 Good.
55:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, but there were more than 10. Cabbage Lane.
55:46 Speaker 02 Cabbage Lane and Pudding Lane, both had more than 10. That's today's made up game.
55:49 Speaker 01 Okay. Wow, that took ages.
55:54 Speaker 00 I think we started the jingle three times.
56:03 Speaker 04 Hello, this is Susie Ruffel.
56:04 Speaker 05 And Maisy Adams.
56:05 Speaker 04 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
56:08 Speaker 05 Only the best podcast ever.
56:10 Speaker 04 Yes.
56:11 Speaker 05 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
56:21 Speaker 04 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too.
56:22 Speaker 05 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
56:27 Speaker 04 You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. You just need to search Big Kick Energy.
56:30 Speaker 05 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
56:37 Speaker 01 Right, let's end with a mad dad. My dad, when he brought his first non-stick frying pan, kept the instructions and stuck them on the wall next to it.
56:48 Speaker 00 Actual, real wooden clogs.
56:51 Speaker 01 And set about eating what must have been north of 24 egg canapes.
56:56 Speaker 00 He then proceeded to empty 40 litres or so and then went onto the timber and struck a match.
57:02 Speaker 01 Dads are mad. Dads are mad. Dads are mad.
57:08 Speaker 00 Okay, I've got one here which tickled me.
57:14 Speaker 00 "Hey Ellis, John and Dave, my dad when middle aged was gently claiming him, decided to take an interesting approach to his body hair. My dad's never been an unfit man. He runs, cycles, snowboards, he's tall and slim-ish. However, as he got to his early 50s, he was carrying a gentle bit of weight around the middle. As is everyone. During this time, he seemed to decide, completely independently, that this was not a reason to abandon the idea of abdominal definition altogether. One afternoon when I was a teen, he'd come out of the bathroom with a towel with a towel around his waist, wandering through the house looking for something or another. On his stomach were lines, clear ones, horizontal and vertical, the suggestion of muscle akin to a diagram or a memory. 'What have you done to your stomach?' I said, confused.
58:00 Speaker 00 He glanced down as though he'd genuinely forgotten about it. 'Oh, that? Dad, is that... Have you shaved a six-pack into your belly hair?' 'Well', he said with complete sincerity, 'if you stand far enough away, it looks like a six-pack.' He seemed quite pleased with the observation, as though he'd solved a problem the rest of us hadn't thought to address. 'You absolutely could tell it wasn't a six-pack. Perhaps in extremely low visibility or very dark lighting, you might have been momentarily mistaken, but in any normal circumstances, even someone registered as poor sighted could tell it was not muscle definition.' Interestingly, Dad wasn't a single man on the pool. He was in a long-term relationship with my step mum, still is,
58:42 Speaker 00 and we weren't going on holiday anywhere where his midriff might be on the show. It seemed to be entirely for his own satisfaction, which, when I think about it, is possibly the most honest reason to do anything. Love you all, Daisy. M Manchester.
58:55 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you, Daisy.
58:57 Speaker 00 Why not? I can imagine my dad doing that.
58:59 Speaker 01 Great man dad there.
59:00 Speaker 00 That's good.
59:02 Speaker 01 Well, folks, thank you very much for being with us. We will have more content for you next week and forever until 2032.
59:10 Speaker 00 Or beyond.
59:10 Speaker 01 Or beyond the Elis, James and Dave Masterman show,
59:15 Speaker 01 where they just reflect on my wisdom over the past 15 years.
59:19 Speaker 00 Just relates everything to a stone ball.
59:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
59:21 Speaker 00 Yeah. Well, we could take, one feature is we could take a piece of John's wisdom. Yeah. And scrutinise it. Okay. Is he still alive? He's still alive. Yeah, he's listening from.
59:32 Speaker 01 I'm just going AWOL.
59:33 Speaker 00 He's listening from his retirement. Listening from Monaco. In Monaco, yeah.
59:37 Speaker 01 I'm not going to Monaco.
59:38 Speaker 00 No, not from.
59:39 Speaker 01 I'm going to camp in the Albanian Mountains or next to the river in Durham.
59:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, so he's in Durham, listening on a little transistor radio and we're scrutinising his, his wisdom of the last 15 years.
59:51 Speaker 01 Just one of those guys who sits in one of those half tents fishing into a river, smoking doobies in the morning.
59:57 Speaker 00 You would hate, you would hate all that. You don't fish and you don't smoke weed.
1:00:00 Speaker 01 No.
1:00:02 Speaker 00 Do you like camping? Yeah, a bit like a sort of gone, gone fishing for the sort of USBC generation.
1:00:09 Speaker 00 Smoke doobies and talk about our feelings.
1:00:12 Speaker 01 He's gone and gone fishing.
1:00:14 Speaker 00 Yes.
1:00:15 Speaker 01 Anyway, there we go.
1:00:16 Speaker 00 Anyway, thank you very much for listening. We'll be back with you next week. Goodbye.
1:00:28 Speaker 04 When your workday is constantly disrupted, your workflow isn't flowing. It's come to a grinding halt. You don't need an assistant. You need superpowers. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is built for how you actually work. No new tabs, no switching apps, no losing your place. Go handles busy work like finding documents or summarizing email threads, so you can focus on the work only you can do. Try Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com. Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.
1:00:59 Speaker 05 And Maisy Adams.
1:01:00 Speaker 04 And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?
1:01:03 Speaker 05 Only the best podcast ever.
1:01:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:01:05 Speaker 05 A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.
1:01:15 Speaker 04 Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping, too.
1:01:17 Speaker 05 Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.
1:01:22 Speaker 04 You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, you just need to search Big Kick Energy.
1:01:25 Speaker 05 Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.
1:01:31 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis and John for more content.
1:01:36 Speaker 00 And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page at Ellis and John.
1:01:41 Speaker 01 Plus, you can find all things E J J R, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.
Previous #538 - Gareth Birthday, Ron Robins and Chapinhanding Tucci Next #540 - Hate Merch, (Non-Predator) and Institutional/Pedantic Failures Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated