Pod Insights Distractible Viewer Discretion Is Advised About this episode View and listen with caution, because no amount of discretion is guaranteed to keep frog swallowing mouse nut babies at bay... especially tonight...
Experience all-out warfare. Battlefield 6 is available now.
Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript 0:01 Speaker 00 Born from the intensity of a night in the Eternal City. Introducing, Born in Roma fragrances by Valentino. Feminine perfume Donna Born in Roma features juicy black currant, central jasmine, soft cashmerin and warm vanilla. Masculine leaning but unisex Womo has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver and mineral salt. Shop holiday gifts at Macy's.com.
0:30 Speaker 01 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
1:00 Speaker 02 Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger, fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.
1:30 Speaker 03 This episode is presented to you by Battlefield 6. Rip through the skies in an aerial dogfight. Demolish your environment for a strategic advantage.
1:38 Speaker 04 Harness complete control over every action and movement. Every aspect of Battlefield's core gameplay has been honed to feel more fluid, responsive and immersive than ever before.
1:50 Speaker 05 And with more maps, modes and ways to rally your squad, Battlefield 6 is the ultimate all-out warfare experience. Available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S and PC.
2:02 Speaker 06 Good evening gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractible. This Halloween episode, Waring Wade detects lies, then gets the Jets to find the fearful. Magnifiable Mark is chronologically challenged, nearly unleashes Iron Lung, dominates Flaf, hops about, hunts Hamburgers, and malevolent Mickey. Birthday Bob takes on TwitchCon, Freaky Frozen, and an inflated infant. From convoluted bald jokes to Nutmaxes.
2:38 Speaker 06 It's time for... Viewer discretion is advised. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
2:54 Speaker 03 Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. What? What's happening?
2:59 Speaker 04 I didn't realize this mic stand went up. I just...
3:02 Speaker 03 I have to sneeze.
3:03 Speaker 04 Okay.
3:05 Speaker 05 Why? You getting stabbed? What the fuck?
3:08 Speaker 04 That was the daddest dad sneeze I have ever heard.
3:11 Speaker 03 I feel like I threw up my shoulder. That one really hurt. Oh, if you've never joined before, this is pretty typical for a Wade-hosted episode to go off the rails in the intro. I host today, the other two compete for points. Whoever wins it to host the next one. Joined as always by my friends and competitors today, Mark and Bob. Hey guys.
3:27 Speaker 04 Hello.
3:27 Speaker 05 Hello.
3:29 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm in pain.
3:31 Speaker 04 Gotta be careful, man. Can't just casually sneeze at our age.
3:34 Speaker 03 If I'm looking at my... my dates correctly, happy Halloween, boys.
3:45 Speaker 03 Any cool Halloween plans?
3:48 Speaker 05 They already happened and it wasn't my plans, but I was there.
3:51 Speaker 03 It's today.
3:52 Speaker 04 You were there?
3:53 Speaker 05 No, no, no, I wasn't there. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, it wasn't the when of where it is now, but it was the there of when it was then.
4:00 Speaker 03 The fuck?
4:01 Speaker 04 Was it... was it good?
4:03 Speaker 05 Actually, it's in the future from where we are in the present, but that's the past to those in the then. But the when that I was there was then, but behind me, in front of me now. I'm looking forward to it. We're all looking behind me at it.
4:16 Speaker 03 Isn't Halloween like in a few hours from now?
4:20 Speaker 05 No, it was last week for me.
4:22 Speaker 04 Oh, man.
4:24 Speaker 05 But I had nothing to do with that. That was not my fault. That was all Ethan. You can blame him and Amy. You can blame them for then.
4:33 Speaker 04 I already was or have been.
4:36 Speaker 05 You can will be that.
4:38 Speaker 03 What will have had happened to you, Bob?
4:41 Speaker 05 That already happened.
4:43 Speaker 04 It's in the past, man. I don't want to dwell on the past.
4:45 Speaker 03 It's, is it not today?
4:47 Speaker 04 And I can't predict the future, so I don't even know what you want to talk about right now.
4:50 Speaker 05 Today? It's the 21st, my bro. What is wrong with you? That's then.
4:56 Speaker 03 Well, no, but like, but for everyone watching and or listening, it's today unless they're late watching it or listening.
5:03 Speaker 05 No, it's then for me, the them. Them of them to me is then behind us in front of us for them behind the us of me.
5:13 Speaker 04 Mm hmm.
5:14 Speaker 03 Did you fucking do anything for Halloween or will you or not, man?
5:17 Speaker 05 What?
5:17 Speaker 04 Yeah. Well, I wa- I was. Mark were. You.
5:22 Speaker 05 Yeah.
5:22 Speaker 04 Wasn't. Them did. You know, have. Have you?
5:27 Speaker 03 I don't know. Happy Halloween.
5:30 Speaker 05 Wade, your will. Bob is is. I'm his was.
5:34 Speaker 04 Is is on first. Was is on second. Bald is on third. Got him. Zoom.
5:41 Speaker 05 Oh, the long way for that bald joke, but so worth it.
5:46 Speaker 04 All of the, all of the time set up was just to get to the bald.
5:55 Speaker 04 Oh, wait, isn't it nice to hang out with friends?
5:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'll be doing that soon. I'm kind of excited.
6:01 Speaker 04 Now we have to do this.
6:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, I know. And then I'll get to hang out with friends.
6:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, well, you you're here now. Don't make me say time words again.
6:07 Speaker 03 I, please don't. Small talk? You guys, you lived? Did shit happen? You break any more expensive things? What do you get to share?
6:14 Speaker 04 It's kind of way in the past now, but I did go to TwitchCon. I'm not going to talk about the issues with the con itself because there were some crazy shit that happened.
6:23 Speaker 03 How was the IRL streamers?
6:25 Speaker 04 Actually, you know what? It was way less bad than I thought it would be.
6:28 Speaker 03 Oh, people have been all over it on social media. That's all I hear about.
6:30 Speaker 04 I assumed I would walk into TwitchCon and it would just be like. You could spot them from a ways away and just kind of wander away from them and stay. I didn't interact with a single IRL streamer the whole time. It's glorious. But San Diego is fucking great city, man.
6:46 Speaker 03 It is.
6:47 Speaker 04 San Diego is beautiful. I had a beautiful time. And the convention center there is very nice. It was lovely. It was set up well. It was very fun. I don't want to talk about the rest of it, but I had a great time. Also, I was there on my birthday, so that was pretty fun.
7:01 Speaker 03 I didn't text you, but I tweeted you happy birthday really indirectly.
7:05 Speaker 05 I don't think I texted you at all. I apologize.
7:07 Speaker 04 You tweeted me happy birthday?
7:09 Speaker 03 I did.
7:09 Speaker 04 I don't like to celebrate my birthday. Everyone, my family is always like, what do you want for your birthday? And I'm like, don't.
7:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, I feel that. It was, it was cool. San Diego was great. You don't want to talk about it?
7:20 Speaker 04 I had the con, man. I don't know if you guys saw.
7:22 Speaker 05 Yeah, you didn't know what happened? I mean, I saw.
7:24 Speaker 03 I saw an incident that happened.
7:26 Speaker 04 It was a crazy assault on a specific streamer that was like in the situation that led up to that. We're not like banning her security.
7:35 Speaker 05 Which is, I mean, I know you don't want to talk about, but it's like, I can't, I can't fathom.
7:40 Speaker 04 Just unbelievable.
7:42 Speaker 05 It doesn't make any sense to me. Like in, in this day and age when enough incidents have occurred in the past, how security could not be of maximal concern. It blows my mind. So, yeah, it's really sad.
7:53 Speaker 03 I don't want to talk about it, but I've also heard different opinions, not different opinions, different descriptions of what happened. One being from Twitch and the other being from the person and, you know, people around them, which is, uh, interesting to say the least. I think I know who I believe and it's probably not the company.
8:09 Speaker 05 I mean, we don't have to not say their, their name.
8:12 Speaker 04 No, well, yeah, well, that's just why, that was the only reason I really want to talk about it. I, it's a thing that's been on my mind, but like, we don't really know what happened. I've seen the, some video angles of what happened, but like, I don't want to hearsay. I don't want to, whatever. The people involved that know, know what happened, whoever it happened to, and like, the issue is, I just can't believe that that was even able to happen. It's fucking crazy, but, but San Diego, lovely. Thank you so much, San Diego. Great weekend.
8:40 Speaker 03 I've only been there once. Loved the city.
8:41 Speaker 04 That was where you became the king of meat.
8:43 Speaker 03 Was that in San Diego? I guess you said it was San Diego, right? Yeah.
8:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, that was the San Diego Fogo de Chao on tour.
8:49 Speaker 03 I've been there twice then, I guess. I forgot about the tour one because the tour, we stopped in cities, but it wasn't like, we had a lot of time to explore them.
8:55 Speaker 04 No, it could have been anywhere. I, that, we didn't see San Diego. We saw the Fogo in the theater, but.
9:01 Speaker 03 But, uh, I guess if we did a show there, then I've been there twice. Cause I was there for, I think TwitchCon, seven years ago or something, eight years ago. I don't know. One of the earlier ones.
9:09 Speaker 05 But I do wanna say, I do wanna say, heart goes out to Emiru. Just to, so we're, doesn't seem like we're all dancing around it in any way. Because it's just like, I know that that's, that's gotta be rough, one way or another.
9:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, I know. I don't, I don't know Emiru personally in any way, but that's fucking terrible. We had, we had an experience where someone was just kind of vaguely threatening and creepy. And I cannot imagine how it must feel to actually like have someone get all the way to you, do something like to you, touch you, whatever, like nightmare scenario, but Mark, happy stuff.
9:43 Speaker 05 Happy stuff? I ain't got none of that. But get up, warm up your highs. It's gonna be real sad again.
9:49 Speaker 04 Hi.
9:50 Speaker 05 Yeah, I know. Uh, well, actually, it's kinda happy news because I fucking might finally have this curse lifted off of my soul. The actual burden that has chained me for three years.
10:09 Speaker 04 Being short?
10:10 Speaker 05 Uh, yeah, it might be finally movie time. I mean, sad that this wonderful journey that has been.
10:16 Speaker 04 You seem oddly less relieved than I would have thought. You seem a little bit like you're just, you just wanna kick this thing out of your life and never touch it again.
10:25 Speaker 05 Fuck.
10:31 Speaker 05 Get this thing out of me. Man, I am so, so, I mean, it's not, it's not, it's done for a while. Uh, I got a little bit more to do. There's some cool steps coming up. I'm gonna be at the Warner Brothers mixing stage. That doesn't mean anything, everybody. Doesn't fucking mean anything. Don't go crazy about that one. Wink.
10:50 Speaker 04 It's just a place.
10:52 Speaker 05 Uh, so I'll be there for two weeks. Um, and then there's, there's the last steps is in the, what do I always call it?
10:59 Speaker 03 I cannot wait for the Animaniacs crossover with your movie.
11:05 Speaker 05 I don't care this time. Editor's edited in twice.
11:09 Speaker 04 Iron Look 2, Yakko Zany Adventure.
11:13 Speaker 05 Fuck your secrets.
11:16 Speaker 04 I'm done with your fucking secrets. I'm the host. Put it in three times.
11:21 Speaker 05 All right. Yep. Wow. God. Anyway, so the final steps, what are the final sprint?
11:27 Speaker 04 Final stretch?
11:28 Speaker 05 Final stretch. That's what I always call it.
11:32 Speaker 04 Patent and Mark term.
11:34 Speaker 05 Look, the project, I would, I would, everyone's gonna laugh at this later, but you know, I'll say it now. Why not? My project file, which of which I have hundreds of backups because I backed up pretty much every day that I had it open. I close it and back, I back it up and close it. It's called iron lung underscore final six.
11:57 Speaker 05 It's called because I, and I, I know it's legitimately because it kept saying, there's already a file.
12:07 Speaker 05 I was like, surely it can't be final four. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Final six.
12:14 Speaker 04 The sixth final iron lung. I didn't know it was a six part movie series.
12:17 Speaker 05 Man, oh man, it's gonna be crazy. Yeah. But anyway, more info soon, but not that soon.
12:23 Speaker 04 Well, that's exciting.
12:24 Speaker 03 Well, almost. Congrats.
12:26 Speaker 05 Thanks. Almost. Thank you.
12:28 Speaker 03 I just gotta say, this is the first time in a while I've gotten to write down a lie, write down. I don't like an accent.
12:33 Speaker 04 Write down.
12:34 Speaker 03 First time I've gotten to write down a lie point because Mark said no happy and then gave some happy news. So the no happy ends up being a lie. So maybe the wheel will do something fun with the lie point for no happy.
12:44 Speaker 05 Oh, that's true. Well, that'll be a game changer.
12:47 Speaker 04 Nah, I won't. The, the wheel says half point for Wade.
12:53 Speaker 03 I'm paying. Listen, if I'm back on top, so be it. I don't know why I keep getting accents. I need to.
12:59 Speaker 04 Yeah. All right. Accent. I have no idea what it was supposed to be.
13:02 Speaker 03 That's cool. Congrats, Mark. Maybe.
13:04 Speaker 05 Thank you. Almost.
13:06 Speaker 03 Uh, when you get the final 69, let us know.
13:08 Speaker 05 I know people won't believe this at all because I've said final stretch so many times, but guys, oh, just wait, please.
13:15 Speaker 03 It's a Mark promise.
13:18 Speaker 05 I had another thing. It's kind of a funny situation because I I got married, right? And so there were some posts that were on the internet about it.
13:25 Speaker 03 That's hilarious.
13:26 Speaker 05 Me and Amy, this is a picture from our wedding, is now the number one all time top post in the Five Nights at Freddy's subreddit. The previous one was, the previous top post was an apology post from Scott Cottin about something about his movie. So we dethrone that one. We're number one in the Five Nights at Freddy's subreddit.
13:52 Speaker 05 So, yeah.
13:54 Speaker 03 Congrats.
13:55 Speaker 05 Thank you, I think.
13:56 Speaker 03 You did it, man.
13:59 Speaker 05 We made it. No, it was very sweet of them. Like, I did appreciate it because there were some people, some people on that post were like, why is this there? But everyone else was just like, well, come on, him and FNAF, that it, come on. So everyone was just like very nicely upvoting it, being like, and I think they wanted to dethrone that apology post for being the number one on. Anyway, thank you very much.
14:19 Speaker 03 You should make an apology post for dethroning the apology post and see if you can get that to number one.
14:24 Speaker 04 That could be the new highest upvoted thing.
14:27 Speaker 05 It could be, it could be. It won't be. And hey, maybe that'll be the top post on that subreddit forever, unless I die. And then I'd probably be the number one on that subreddit. So got something to look forward to.
14:39 Speaker 03 I think the best record I can say is whenever I proposed to Molly at PAX, we were the number one like Twitch clip for a week, that proposal moment.
14:48 Speaker 05 Why didn't you bring this up on the last episode, man?
14:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, that would have been a good 24 hour record.
14:54 Speaker 03 Number one proposal highlight clip for?
14:56 Speaker 04 Number one Twitch clip, all of Twitch, number one clip.
14:59 Speaker 05 You were the number one clip?
15:01 Speaker 03 I guess that that would have been worldwide.
15:04 Speaker 05 That is the criteria.
15:06 Speaker 04 Worldwide on Twitch? That's how that works, yeah.
15:08 Speaker 03 Can I get a retroactive point for that?
15:11 Speaker 04 You already won. And no.
15:14 Speaker 03 I'm gonna give myself a point for that. I can do that.
15:17 Speaker 04 Can do that, but doesn't mean anything. In the world of personal, single day world records, you're still the same winner you always were.
15:25 Speaker 03 Thank you. I feel good about that right now. I might win this episode.
15:28 Speaker 05 Congrats, man.
15:33 Speaker 00 Born from the intensity of a night in the eternal city. Introducing Born in Roma fragrances by Valentino. Feminine perfume Donna Born in Roma features juicy black currant, central jasmine, soft cashmerin and warm vanilla. Masculine leaning but unisex Womo has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver and mineral salt. Shop holiday gifts at Macy's.com.
16:01 Speaker 01 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
16:32 Speaker 04 This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Mark and I have known each other since college and we connected fast.
16:41 Speaker 03 Oh yeah? How fast?
16:43 Speaker 04 Like T-Mobile 5G Home Internet fast.
16:46 Speaker 03 Well, in fact, I bet you can literally hop online in less than 15 minutes and connect with their fast speeds at a great price, no matter what your budget looks like. On top of that, you don't have to worry about your price changing thanks to a five year price guarantee.
17:03 Speaker 04 I didn't feel any air quotes coming from you on that one, I'm not gonna lie.
17:07 Speaker 03 With their fast 5G speeds, quick 15 minute setup and five year price guarantee, you really can't ask for a better setup. Visit tmobile.com/homeinternet to check availability. Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G internet data. Exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Service delivered via 5G networks. Speeds vary due to factor affecting cellular networks. Guarantee exclusions and details at tmobile.com/homeinternet.
17:35 Speaker 03 Well, happy Halloween, everyone. You guys have anything else you want to bring up or am I welcome to transition into making you all work?
17:42 Speaker 04 I don't want to work, but I guess that's the next part.
17:44 Speaker 05 I don't want to work either. Can we have fun instead?
17:47 Speaker 03 That's great. So what I figured we would do for today is make you guys find.
17:56 Speaker 03 Or just scary stories, scary things that happen. I mean, real scary stuff. It's Halloween. It's time to inflict terror and fear on our audience.
18:06 Speaker 05 You did give us some prep time for this, so I did it, because otherwise I would subject the audience to me typing as and and my microphone is from my keyboard. So me typing sounds like this.
18:18 Speaker 03 That's not an exaggeration. That's actually what it sounds like.
18:20 Speaker 05 Editors edit my hands while typing. Wait. Anyway, I have one right away. I'm ready to win this one. This is spooky because Halloween is about witches and what are witches about? That's right.
18:34 Speaker 03 Frogs? Okay.
18:35 Speaker 05 Frogs. They'll curse you into a toad or something like that. Right? So this is Halloween related.
18:40 Speaker 03 I got distracted when you did this Riverside showed me that you were giving me a thumbs up.
18:44 Speaker 05 Oh, I know. No, that wasn't Riverside. That was me.
18:49 Speaker 05 Me.
18:51 Speaker 03 Hmm.
18:52 Speaker 05 Me.
18:53 Speaker 03 Wow.
18:57 Speaker 05 Oh, boy. Never gets old. Anyway, watch out, everyone. It's get to a toilet again. Once again, toilet warning. You're about to shit yourself from the fear you're about to have. Chinese woman swallows eight live frogs to ease back pain.
19:21 Speaker 03 I hate that. What is the what? What? What?
19:25 Speaker 05 It's so terrifying. Your mind can't comprehend it.
19:30 Speaker 03 That's fucked up.
19:31 Speaker 05 It was reported that she consumed three of the frogs right away and the remaining five the following day.
19:42 Speaker 03 Take three of these and call me in the morning. How do you eat a frog hole alive? Like, how do you?
19:49 Speaker 05 You swallow it.
19:50 Speaker 04 In your mouth, probably.
19:51 Speaker 03 But they're big.
19:53 Speaker 05 Well, these weren't that big. I think they fit in the palm of her hand. So, you know, they're not huge frogs. I imagine they're not like palm sized frogs.
20:00 Speaker 03 Uh, the power of the sun can fit in the palm of your hand. Of course, a frog can.
20:05 Speaker 05 Not my hand. Did I tell you the time Chica tried to eat a frog?
20:08 Speaker 03 Probably in a hut.
20:09 Speaker 05 Okay, another Chica story. It has nothing to do with Halloween, but it was scary for us because we didn't know what's happening. So Chica loves the park, right? And we're taking her for a walk like we occasionally do. You know, every once in a while we feel like it. And we're like, all right, you can go outside. And she's sniffing around and there was these frogs all over the ground. It was, it was kind of scary because we didn't know if we were stepping on them. Previously, because we only noticed them halfway being in the middle of them. So in this entire field, there's little tiny frog. I'm talking tiny. Like you could hold it between your fingers, but you wouldn't want to. And I'll tell you why later. Cause they're, they're going, but, but every time we walk, it's like the ground suddenly is moving like all these frogs. Like holy shit, there's a lot. It's not complete carpet, but it's a lot.
20:52 Speaker 05 And so Chica is very oblivious to things for a long time, but as soon as she notices something, she hyper fixates, right? So we are like, whoa, there's a lot of frogs. We go to Chica, don't look at the frogs. And she's like, looks up at us, doesn't notice a thing. And we're going for a walking and she's fine. And then the frogs were trying to walk slowly there. She sniffed in the ground, seeing nothing, but then she locks onto a frog, pulls me so hard. It's like, she's like a fucking snake. And then she grabs frog and goes and then immediately it's like
21:27 Speaker 05 like gags it out.
21:30 Speaker 05 Her mouth just starts going foam, just out of her mouth, all like completely just running down her big lips, her cheek flaps.
21:41 Speaker 05 And I thought she was poisoned. I was like, oh God, no. So I'm like frantically Googling like frog mouth, dog foam. And they, they're just covered in this bitter thing that makes her do that. And so she's like
21:59 Speaker 05 and we're like, ah shit, Chica, you okay? Frog goes right for another frog. Like she got it like she was addicted to whatever the horrible sensation was that she got from the first frog. And I went, oh, we're now so different after all. And meanwhile, she died. And so she, ever since then, she looks for the frogs because I think she felt something. She, she liked it. I don't think she got high from the frogs, but you never know.
22:29 Speaker 03 My friend Jared had a black lab that did something very similar. Whenever he'd find a toad, he'd like hold it up and his dog Jake would sniff it and go and then start foaming at the mouth, but he'd always come back to smell it again, even though like every time.
22:42 Speaker 05 Love those frogs.
22:44 Speaker 03 Short term memory, it's like, oh, this is terrible. What is that? Oh God, so gross. One more time.
22:50 Speaker 05 Humans do it all the time. Humans love that shit.
22:56 Speaker 03 She go a frog and frog equal witches?
22:58 Speaker 05 Oh yeah. And this, this lady swallowed eight frogs. Yeah. And she developed a horrible, horrible parasitic infection, but her back pain.
23:06 Speaker 03 But her back was better?
23:08 Speaker 05 I don't see anything about it.
23:10 Speaker 04 Wow. That's good.
23:14 Speaker 05 She was in the hospital for two weeks.
23:16 Speaker 03 What a riveting story.
23:20 Speaker 05 I thought it was funny.
23:21 Speaker 03 Bob, you find a story?
23:23 Speaker 04 A family in Houston, Texas bought a doll that said fun quotes from the movie Frozen, but then it wouldn't stop doing it. 2013, they got the doll for Christmas. It was very cute. Pressed a button on the neck and it would say things from the movie and sing the song, Let It Go. And it was just a little doll, maybe a little creepy, whatever. It's just a little doll. For two years after they got it, it did that in English. And then in 2015, it started doing it in Spanish and then switching back and forth between Spanish and English. There was not a way to change these. This was just a thing it started doing.
24:08 Speaker 04 The family has owned this doll for more than six years, never once. Changed the batteries or checked on it and it just says whatever it wants. It does. Well, that's misleading. It says things from the movie. It says the quotes from the movie. It sings the song, but it just triggers itself. It just goes, it'll just, and that happens. You know what? Sometimes toys are funky, but sometimes, sometimes it's in Spanish. I guess that happens. But in 2019, they decided to throw out the creepy doll. They were finally done. Weeks later, in the new year, they found it inside a bench in their living room. The kids insisted that they did not put it in there.
24:48 Speaker 05 Inside a bench?
24:50 Speaker 04 Like a storage bench, I assume. Like, you know how they have like benches, but like the top opens? You put like shoes.
24:56 Speaker 05 It wasn't like embedded in there, like half teleported, you know, stuck.
25:00 Speaker 04 It was like in a place, in a low place where a kid might be able to get to it. But the kid said they didn't do that. So obviously they did.
25:09 Speaker 05 Obviously, yeah.
25:10 Speaker 04 And when, when the doll came back of its own accord, it stopped speaking English completely and only spoke in Spanish. They then apparently put it in two trash bags, put it at the bottom of their garbage can, watched the garbage can get dumped into the truck on garbage day the next day, went on a trip shortly thereafter and returned to the doll being in the backyard of their home. This time, they, to get rid of it, they mailed it in a box to family friends in Minnesota, who then taped the haunted doll to the front bumper of his truck. Because why wouldn't you? That's what I wanted to do the whole time I was reading this story. Anyway, it hasn't found its way back to Houston because it lives on that guy's truck.
25:53 Speaker 04 And that's scary news.
25:57 Speaker 05 I got even scarier. I got something that's gonna scare your fucking pants off because of the implications that it is suggesting. Viewer discretion is advised. This headline will terrify you. Union City Police Department captures two local Hamburglars. Let that sink in. There was more than one Hamburglar. And now there are, it is known there are at, there's the balloons.
26:33 Speaker 04 Hey balloons, scary balloons.
26:36 Speaker 05 Who knows how many Hamburglar? Okay, I don't know if you've ever seen like McDonald's creepy pasta, like creepy versions of the McDonald's mascot characters. Hamburglar terrifies me more than Grimace, right? Grimace is scary. The Hamburglar, that ain't right, you know, because he's not really human. He kind of looks vaguely human like, like the others you could imagine humans in those costumes. The Hamburglar, that's not right. And now there's more than two of them. There might just be two, but I doubt if there's more than one.
27:09 Speaker 04 There's probably more.
27:11 Speaker 05 There's probably more, so.
27:13 Speaker 03 Is the Hamburglar not human?
27:14 Speaker 05 No, he looks human. You've ever seen a human look like that?
27:18 Speaker 03 There are some images, man. There's one. Yeah, there's a few. He doesn't look right.
27:22 Speaker 05 He's not human. You ever seen, what the, that's no, the Hamburglar is fucking terrifying. I don't care what anybody says. I don't like the Hamburglar. I don't like his, I don't like what he does. Why is he welcoming the gang with the people that are making the hamburgers? Because he's clearly the Hamburglar, so it's running all the way down.
27:44 Speaker 04 Pretty much.
27:45 Speaker 05 Also in the story, you read into it and they were stealing from a help center. So, you know, that's even scarier.
27:51 Speaker 04 Wait, were they actually stealing things that weren't cheeseburgers?
27:55 Speaker 05 I mean, a lot of meat, mostly burger patties. All right. If you read the article, it starts to just be like a robbery, but the, the headline is the scary part. Okay?
28:06 Speaker 03 There are some wild Reddit threads about the Hamburglar. I've gone through a couple now and people, people debate their feelings on the Hamburglar, but some people agree with you. They're like, he's just genuinely irredeemably terrifying. I, I wasn't aware of the multi Hamburglar verse.
28:20 Speaker 05 It's terrifying. You don't want to face the truth, but it's out there.
28:23 Speaker 03 I never paid that much attention to him because it was always just like, it was just a cartoon hamburger. But some of like the more realistic depictions of him are quite unsettling. While you're thinking, I just to re, go back, some of the characters from like franchises in like the, I don't know, 30s to 60s range, what were people thinking?
28:43 Speaker 04 I mean, stuff was different back then, man. I don't know.
28:45 Speaker 05 If you've seen early Disney mascots.
28:49 Speaker 04 Terrifying.
28:50 Speaker 05 All right. I'm gonna show you a picture. I'm gonna show you one. Don't look it up yourself. I want to show it to you. Viewer discretion is advised. Get ready, buddy. You're not, boom.
29:01 Speaker 03 Oh, is that Mickey and Minnie with like horrible squid face?
29:06 Speaker 05 It's like, it looks like they are like scarred. They, it, everything about it makes my skin crawl. The way the eyes are.
29:14 Speaker 04 It looks like they used to be people.
29:16 Speaker 05 And their face got ripped and stretched in the shape of a mouse.
29:20 Speaker 03 Or kinda like Jack Nicholson's Joker, if he was also Mickey Mouse.
29:24 Speaker 05 No, mascots back then were awful. Just horrifying.
29:29 Speaker 03 Did those dead staring eyes that aren't even looking in a certain direction? It's a picture of like a dad holding his son who looks a little uneasy. And then I think maybe, I mean, I'm assuming it's his son. And maybe his daughter who looks genuinely happy, like she looks like she's having a good time. That kid, the boy that he's holding, he doesn't look so sure. The dad's looking up like, I'm also not so sure.
29:52 Speaker 05 No, there's nothing about it that's good. And they don't get better for a while. Like they're, they're this for a long time. So.
29:59 Speaker 03 Even her feet, what's going on with her shoes?
30:01 Speaker 05 I don't know what that's about. She's got hooves.
30:04 Speaker 03 Like bandaged hooves?
30:06 Speaker 04 The surgery was tough, man.
30:08 Speaker 05 All right, I'm gonna stop looking at this cause I don't like it.
30:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah. Uh, it wasn't, it wasn't good.
30:13 Speaker 05 Oh, that wasn't even the earliest one. Holy shit. Wait.
30:17 Speaker 03 Oh, Bob, I hope you can cleanse our palate.
30:21 Speaker 05 Wait a minute. Okay, wait, we've got, we've got Mickey through the years, apparently. Look at Mr. Mickey on the left. Apparently that was the first iteration.
30:30 Speaker 04 Oh, man.
30:32 Speaker 05 I don't even know where I'm supposed to look. What?
30:36 Speaker 03 It looks like a cryptid, Mickey. I don't know, like.
30:39 Speaker 04 In the nicest way possible, it looks like they walked into like a second grade art class. Where kids are just like, like finger painting and having a good time. And they were like, make us a costume of a mouse, the size of a man. And the kids were like, I don't know what a mouse looks like.
30:56 Speaker 04 And then this is, this is what happened.
30:58 Speaker 05 And he's got gloves. Don't forget the gloves.
31:01 Speaker 03 How do they go from that to the horrible scarred squid face? And then it's just like skinny buff Mickey?
31:08 Speaker 04 Mickey is just a guy body with a Mickey Mouse head and just real skinny and toned.
31:14 Speaker 05 I don't know. If I woke up to three, I think I'd also be terrified.
31:19 Speaker 04 Standing like that with arms on hips over your bed, just like.
31:25 Speaker 03 Good morning, Mark.
31:26 Speaker 04 You know, Mickey's voice actually changed a lot, too. The far left Mickey on the picture walks up and is like, hey, what's up, kids?
31:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, I'm a mouse.
31:36 Speaker 03 I don't imagine English. I imagine the first one walks up and you just hear like.
31:42 Speaker 04 You wanna smoke, kids? Next year, you listen to your doctors and smoke your Lucky Strikes every day. Mickey Mouse only smokes Lucky Strikes.
31:52 Speaker 03 I think, I mean, she was not two. I feel like one is just gurgly noises and two is that.
31:56 Speaker 04 Uh, two, two is like inhuman noises to me. Yeah, one, one has too much like humanity still cause it's mostly just a person with whatever happened to the face. But two is like the pants give it, give it a shape. So it's more uncanny somehow to me.
32:14 Speaker 03 One looks like somehow a slit in the throat is the mouth is what one looks like to me.
32:20 Speaker 05 Oh, God. Yeah, now I see that. Okay, yeah.
32:23 Speaker 04 You wanna know how I got this mouth?
32:25 Speaker 03 I like, I don't like, it looks like their mouth would lift from like the base of their neck or the top of their neck or the jaw, just like.
32:32 Speaker 05 Hey, I'm Mickey.
32:34 Speaker 04 No, I do see that now that you're saying it.
32:36 Speaker 05 Number two just has a musical theme as he's walking towards you and it's just.
32:45 Speaker 03 Two is like Cthulhu and Mickey had a baby.
32:48 Speaker 04 Tell me, Minnie Mouse, do you fear death?
32:51 Speaker 05 Oh, God, there's worse.
32:53 Speaker 03 Oh, no, no.
32:54 Speaker 04 How is there more?
32:56 Speaker 05 Sorry, I can't, I can't just keep showing this, but quick, just, just quick.
33:00 Speaker 03 Oh, God.
33:03 Speaker 04 No, no.
33:05 Speaker 05 Why is the kid on his knees?
33:07 Speaker 04 That's gotta be like homemade, like rental costumes or something or some, that's gotta be a reason for that. There's no way.
33:14 Speaker 03 What is with the, uh, so we're looking at Mickey and Minnie, but like from, from Halloween Horror Wish dot com?
33:22 Speaker 04 Is it just, I, I can't tell you why. Do they look French to you guys?
33:27 Speaker 05 Yeah, I'm getting a little French from that. I could, I could see that, yeah.
33:29 Speaker 03 I could weirdly see it, but I don't know why.
33:32 Speaker 04 This popped up in my head, which is like, oh, what are we going to do with this? Child.
33:39 Speaker 04 Something unsettlingly French and I'm sorry, French people, but that's it's not a judgment about you. There's just something, there's just something.
33:47 Speaker 05 No, they get it. I think, I think they get it.
33:49 Speaker 03 The kid looks like his left eye, like he has a black eye in his left eye too.
33:54 Speaker 05 Does he's got a weird shadow over his face.
33:56 Speaker 04 He looks so happy or some emotion.
34:00 Speaker 05 Editor zoom in on that. Is that a smile?
34:03 Speaker 04 It's not.
34:04 Speaker 05 I think it's not a smile.
34:05 Speaker 03 For some reason, the kid is standing like down on his knees in the photo and like Minnie and Mickey are standing around him. He's wearing like dress pants and a dress shirt with a tie.
34:15 Speaker 05 I think he's got dress shorts on.
34:18 Speaker 03 Oh, maybe they are. Yeah, I guess they are short. I just thought it was like a bad render, but yeah, I guess they are shorts.
34:22 Speaker 05 I just don't know why he's on his knees unless he's about to be executed. That's the only reason I could say.
34:27 Speaker 03 I don't either because it's not like if he stood up, he'd be taller than these monstrosities.
34:32 Speaker 03 An extra foot, he's at shoulder height. I don't know why he's, yeah, everything, it's weird.
34:37 Speaker 05 Anyway, all right, enough of that.
34:40 Speaker 03 Bob, any kind of palate, happy Halloween, everyone, any kind of palate cleanser from that?
34:45 Speaker 04 Oh yeah, no, no, no. Yeah. Uh, yeah, no, no. Yeah, no. Uh, let me just share this real quick.
34:50 Speaker 03 Oh, thank God.
34:51 Speaker 04 This is gonna be fine. It's gonna be, uh, perfect.
34:56 Speaker 03 Okay.
34:57 Speaker 04 In the English village of Rockdale, Rockdale, Rockdale, this giant baby statue thing just appeared in the town square with no actual explanation and there is an explanation and I can tell you it doesn't help.
35:17 Speaker 03 Okay, let me describe this for our listeners. There is a very, very large, almost paper mache looking baby with action figure conjoined arms and hands. It looks like you could bend them.
35:28 Speaker 04 The arms apparently are like posable. It's like a, it's like a doll. It's, you can.
35:33 Speaker 03 And there's a, I think a guy doing a really shitty cosplay of Wendy from Wendy's with his arms up in confusion, walking toward some construction working kids.
35:43 Speaker 05 What are you all looking at? There's nothing to see.
35:48 Speaker 03 Get a junior bacon.
35:50 Speaker 04 A classic English accent. Thank you.
35:54 Speaker 05 Where do you think we got it from?
35:56 Speaker 04 No, don't worry, guys. I can explain this. Obviously, this giant nineteen foot tall baby doll statue was erected for schoolchildren to come and talk and sing to it. Obviously, its mysterious appearance of this doll was soon followed by a post from the Rockdale Borough Council's Facebook page that was a video of a group of schoolchildren with an adult dressed, the lady with the red hair, dressed up kind of like, like she's the host of a kid's show or something. I don't know what the deal is with that. The schoolchildren that you see in the picture that I'm sharing with you are singing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" to the doll.
36:40 Speaker 03 Whose eyes are closed with weird kind of red rings around them.
36:44 Speaker 05 Yeah, the red is weird.
36:46 Speaker 03 And what is the symbol on baby's belly?
36:49 Speaker 04 I think there might have been people in it. Doesn't that look like it's like mesh? Like someone sits in there and looks out of it?
36:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, it looks like you go in through the mouth and you get digested in the belly.
37:01 Speaker 05 Look, kids, you can watch how digestion works.
37:06 Speaker 04 Guys, I know we're being funny, but obviously this was erected as part of a campaign to encourage schoolchildren to talk about the importance of environmental issues. It all makes sense when you hear the full explanation, when you see the video of the kids singing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" to the giant baby doll, it all comes together. Also, the baby's name is Lily, and there apparently are videos of just kids standing in front of Lily, talking about how they're gonna recycle more. Also, a number of people seem to think it reminded them on, in an uncanny way, of the puppet doll from Squid Game that does the red light, green light bit.
37:51 Speaker 05 I have one question. You said it was nineteen feet tall. Is that only when it's sitting? Because I see the people next to it, and it looks like I could stack four of them on top of each other and reach the head. I fear its true height is actually much taller.
38:06 Speaker 04 When Lily learns to walk, it's gonna be a problem. I think you're on to something.
38:12 Speaker 03 Those are, there's a team of people in the back, holding Lily down to make sure Lily doesn't attack the children. They've got like ropes or something.
38:19 Speaker 05 I see that. I see that. Yeah.
38:21 Speaker 04 Yeah. You don't want to have something like this, just sitting out in the open, unrestrained. You know, we've all seen those movies.
38:27 Speaker 03 It's a cloudy day, which makes sense.
38:29 Speaker 04 Oh, it's just England.
38:30 Speaker 05 Are those pillows or body bags? What are, what are we dealing with?
38:34 Speaker 04 I honestly couldn't tell you. I think they're pillows for the children to come and sit upon to when they speak to Lily about the nature of the environment.
38:46 Speaker 03 I think those are also tastefully covering Lily's junk. Cause I'm not sure that Lily has a diaper for some reason.
38:52 Speaker 04 Oh, it's a baby. Babies can be naked. That's fine. Whatever.
38:55 Speaker 03 I don't want to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to naked paper mache giant baby doll myself.
39:01 Speaker 04 Look, you don't have to sing. You just have to bring your plans for how you're going to conserve more water in your household.
39:06 Speaker 05 Yeah. You just have to be honest. It'll know if you're lying.
39:10 Speaker 04 The singing is extra. That's just for Lily's enjoyment. But if you don't come with a solid environmental plan, Lily eats you and you see what digestion feels like from the inside. Anyway, I don't know why the hell anyone would have ever done that, but what a thing to do in October for some reason. What would you do if that just popped up like somewhere by your house and you just were driving by and there was a 19 foot tall baby thing sitting there? Would you just like ignore it and hope that you never learned anything about it and it just went away before it caused any problems? Or would you go investigate? Like, I don't know what I would do.
39:44 Speaker 05 Seeing it once, appear once is probably okay, but much like the Hamburglar, if it appears twice, like it's, it's in the town square. The first time you're like, oh, that's where you go home. It's in your local park. Then I'd start to be like, okay, all right. I see where, I see where this is going. I see where it's going.
40:02 Speaker 03 I don't know. I think I've had enough Halloween. You guys had enough Halloween?
40:05 Speaker 04 Hooray. I'm scared.
40:08 Speaker 05 Yeah. I mean, I got, I got one more, but you know.
40:10 Speaker 03 Okay. If you guys want to do a speed round, get us out of here. Mouth cleanser, something better than Hamburglar's and Lynn and Disney mascots and Lily.
40:18 Speaker 05 I don't even want to talk about this one anymore. I was gonna like swing it into some like other kind of scary, like the Hamburglar, but it wasn't really scary. That, that, I'm embarrassed now.
40:27 Speaker 03 So you don't want to share it?
40:28 Speaker 05 I mean, I'll share if you really want it, but you're gonna, you're gonna hear me say the title and you're gonna be like, nah, guys, enough of that.
40:34 Speaker 03 All right. Go for it.
40:35 Speaker 04 The title.
40:39 Speaker 05 No, meet the nut maxers obsessed with shooting bigger loads.
40:47 Speaker 04 You were right. You were right. That's it. That's all we needed. You were absolutely right.
40:53 Speaker 05 This is a GQ article. So I'm like, I don't know if they commonly talk about these issues, but I'm like, isn't that a reputable publication?
41:01 Speaker 04 Dude, I love the annual nut maxing issue of GQ. It's my favorite.
41:06 Speaker 03 Is this the December issue that comes after no nut November?
41:09 Speaker 05 No, this is just last week. Actually, this was written when we recorded is literally October 14th, 2025 by Charlie Sosnick. So.
41:18 Speaker 04 Charlie.
41:20 Speaker 05 Some of the most important discoveries in medicine came from brave people experimenting on themselves. Jonas Salk tested his polio vaccine on himself and his family. Isaac Newton poked a blunt needle into his own eye socket to understand how we see life, not what I remember him for.
41:37 Speaker 04 And these brave dudes can't stop gooning.
41:42 Speaker 05 Okay. And they're using their own bodies and so the redditors on, I'm not going to read the subreddit, have determined that a combination of zinc, pyidium and L citrulline and lecithin, let, let this, fuck, lecithin is the holy grail of gum.
42:02 Speaker 04 Oh, okay.
42:03 Speaker 05 Forty seven thousand visitors, 600 weekly contributions.
42:11 Speaker 05 I think that's more active than ours.
42:19 Speaker 04 Oh, no.
42:21 Speaker 03 We just need to sell more sex on distractible.
42:23 Speaker 05 What turned these men into citizen jizz scientists? A growing interest in self optimization. Anyway, it's, it's all, it's a community.
42:33 Speaker 03 You've heard of Citizen Kane. Have you heard of Citizen Jizz?
42:38 Speaker 05 No, I haven't.
42:39 Speaker 04 You know, it turns out actually Jizz is the name of a sled at the end of the movie.
42:46 Speaker 04 I didn't think that was gonna land at all. Yeah, you guys like old movies, huh? That one worked out?
42:52 Speaker 05 God, ever since Who's Line, I didn't know, but they constantly make that joke about Rosebud and the sled and like, so I know I've never seen the movie, but I know I love any joke about it.
43:03 Speaker 04 So good.
43:07 Speaker 03 Well, thanks for sharing, Mark.
43:09 Speaker 05 Yeah, you wanna hear more?
43:10 Speaker 03 I, not really.
43:15 Speaker 00 Born from the intensity of a night in the eternal city. Introducing Born in Roma Fragrances by Valentino. Feminine perfume Donna Born in Roma features juicy black currant, central jasmine, soft cashmerin, and warm vanilla. Masculine leaning but unisex womo has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver, and mineral salt. Shop holiday gifts at Macy's.com.
43:44 Speaker 01 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
44:15 Speaker 03 Bobbity last minuteers from you, I'm ending this travesty.
44:18 Speaker 04 Viewer discretion is advised. Yeah, no, apparently there's a disorder, syndrome, rare condition that affects how a person sees faces. I'll just share this to, I don't even know how to describe it, but it like widens everything in a way to where it's like, and the face on the left is like how it's actually constructed The face on the right is like a wide, like demonic mouth smile and.
44:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, I got this. Uh, listeners, imagine the first Mario Party, the mini game where you had to like stretch people's eyes and mouths and noses. Uh, just imagine stretching the eyes out, the nose out and the mouth all the way to the ears almost.
45:06 Speaker 05 No, actually, no, I got it. I got it better. I got a better way. Imagine if a guy was so obsessed with Donkey Kong that he got plastic surgery to make his face look exactly like Donkey Kong. You tell me that's not Donkey Kong right there.
45:21 Speaker 05 That's what it looks like.
45:22 Speaker 04 Anyway, I'm sorry to scare everyone so violently with that.
45:27 Speaker 05 You can trigger that in yourself if you play that video where it's like you're supposed to stare in the middle and it'll change the people's faces on either side to go chunk, chunk, chunk. Cause if you watch that video where you stare at the center and then the face change, you look at them in your periphery and when they change, the features from the previous ones linger over to the next one as it goes faster and faster. They look more monstrous, but as soon as you look towards them, they look perfectly normal. But if you stare in the center, it'll, it'll look horrifying. Works with almost everybody.
45:56 Speaker 04 No, this is, this is a crazy thing. Uh, only 75 recorded cases, uh, is what this article reports. And this, this fellow in Tennessee, uh, had perfect vision. He's like a middle aged dude, had perfect vision for his whole life, woke up one day and had this and just about lost his entire shit because everyone looked not human anymore for no reason.
46:20 Speaker 03 Would you think, like, I would think actually that I, either I'd gone crazy or like the whole world was being like taken over by, I don't know what I would believe if I, if I saw that.
46:29 Speaker 04 I would definitely think I was going crazy. I would assume that I was having, it was a hallucination. And apparently the, exactly how it is distorted is different on a person by person basis. So it's not like the, it has to do something with your physiology or your mental interpretations of stuff. Well, it's connected to the person who is experiencing the syndrome as well. But I would definitely just think like, something is wrong with me. I'll see a doctor or something.
46:59 Speaker 05 You know, who else should see a doctor? All the people on that subreddit because.
47:04 Speaker 04 All those brave heroes, those citizen jizz scientists.
47:09 Speaker 03 I'm just glad we didn't have any images to share for the jizz scientist.
47:14 Speaker 04 It's like, it's like one of those pop science articles and it's just like a image of a white like lab table, very sterile. And it's just like a big splat across and you open it and your first reaction is like, oh, but then you're like, well, that is a lot. Like that does, you know, they're on to something that like that looks like a surprising amount. If that's a real representation, like they did something, you know, like a job.
47:41 Speaker 05 I highly doubt any of that actually does anything, but yeah, only one way to find out. We're gonna, we're gonna do the month long, destructive scientific challenge.
47:53 Speaker 04 Just to, just to make it all really controlled, we're gonna do no nut, December, straight into big jizz, no, no nut, November, straight into big jizz, December.
48:02 Speaker 03 So points, I got a point for, oh, last episode, I had the Twitch clip number one for a week with Molly. So I got a point for last episode and this episode for that.
48:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, you know, that's not, that's.
48:14 Speaker 03 Bob, you got points for bald, we don't want to say San Diego heart, boo at my ribbiting joke. Frozen doll bilingual, frozen doll coming back, lily, dot, dot, dot. Rockdale baby statue. Oh, the lily came after that one.
48:34 Speaker 05 Wide face.
48:35 Speaker 03 For a total of nine points. Mark, you got points for confusing, no happy, which is a lie point. Number one, FNAF post, movie done, which is why I thought no happy was a lie point.
48:48 Speaker 04 That one also feels like a lie point.
48:50 Speaker 05 It might be a lie. There might be a red track to lie. Who knows?
48:53 Speaker 03 We'll just put it as a lie. It's been a lie so far. Why wouldn't it be now?
48:56 Speaker 04 Damn.
48:57 Speaker 03 Happy Halloween. Which is equal frog. Chica love frog. You have magical balloons times three. You laughed at my ribbiting joke. Two Hamburglars. Maximum nutting via GQ for a total of 12 points, which two of which are lie points. So right now it's 12 to nine, but two lie points. Uh, for the wheel, I'm gonna be that guy and I'm gonna, I'm gonna say the addition this time is minus 5% one man show.
49:28 Speaker 04 Oh, sure. Hey, look, guys, the wheel says we're gonna do three spins again.
49:34 Speaker 05 Oh, you know what's funny about that minus 5%? Can you make it minus 7%? Because if it goes back from 6%, it can be 99% chance.
49:48 Speaker 03 Minus 7%?
49:50 Speaker 05 Cause I love the risk part of it. Like, yes, it could decrease it, but also it could guarantee it.
49:55 Speaker 03 We have to remember to add 10 next time.
49:58 Speaker 04 I did it.
49:59 Speaker 03 Oh, okay. I didn't know you did already.
50:00 Speaker 04 I did that. Yeah. All right. Minus 7% to one man show.
50:03 Speaker 03 12 to nine to one, three spins.
50:06 Speaker 04 Shallst we?
50:08 Speaker 05 I'm so ready.
50:09 Speaker 04 Man, I can't even kind of guess what it's gonna. No!
50:16 Speaker 04 Surprise golf rules.
50:19 Speaker 05 Wade can't fucking win. What the fuck?
50:23 Speaker 03 Well, no, we've never, we've never allowed the host to win with golf rules. It would be Bob.
50:28 Speaker 05 Oh, man.
50:30 Speaker 03 I, I think it means Bob. Is it just end or is that for right now that you're in the lead?
50:35 Speaker 04 I think that just is a rule. Previously it has happened at the end of the spins.
50:40 Speaker 03 Okay. So least amount of points now wins, meaning.
50:42 Speaker 05 If Bob, go Bob, get these wheel spins. Go, go, go. Come on, Bob.
50:50 Speaker 03 So right now Bob's winning nine to 12.
50:52 Speaker 04 All right. Bob's winning nine to 12. I love that for me.
50:55 Speaker 05 But I've got two lie points, so those aren't real points until the thing comes in there, right?
51:00 Speaker 03 That's true.
51:01 Speaker 04 Deserves most sympathy.
51:05 Speaker 03 Uh, Mark lied to us twice. I don't know if he deserves sympathy for that.
51:08 Speaker 05 No, I had happy. I was so happy. That's why I was. So I was really happy.
51:13 Speaker 04 Oh, I see.
51:14 Speaker 05 Yeah, and I found that subreddit, so I'm gonna be so happy now.
51:19 Speaker 03 You know, I'm gonna say respit. Nobody deserves sympathy this time.
51:22 Speaker 04 All right, re- respit.
51:24 Speaker 03 No sympathy this time, respit. Sympathy was last episode.
51:30 Speaker 04 Most self sabotage?
51:33 Speaker 03 Mark. Well, hold on, maybe not Mark, cuz.
51:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, how, how did you arrive at Mark?
51:38 Speaker 05 Yeah, no, I was killing it. I was crushing it. I was destroying it, I think.
51:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, Mark lied.
51:44 Speaker 04 Oh, wait, you're saying, oh, I was saying neither of us self sabotage. You're saying I self sabotage.
51:49 Speaker 03 Well, you booed at my ribbiting joke and you knew better.
51:52 Speaker 05 Dude, Bob was tripping over his own feet the whole episode. He did. Yeah, he do better than that.
51:58 Speaker 04 Tripping over my outrageous piles of jizz.
52:01 Speaker 03 All right, respit. That's fair. I don't know. You either tie or neither one.
52:08 Speaker 04 Used best word.
52:11 Speaker 05 Nut maxing. No, not that word. I used no words.
52:19 Speaker 05 I don't think I said words this episode at all. I think there was a lot of grunting the entire time.
52:25 Speaker 03 Um, maximum nutting might be.
52:27 Speaker 04 Yeah, I really liked nut maxing. I love, that was great.
52:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think nut maxing probably gets it.
52:33 Speaker 04 It's okay, Mark. You could always get double surprise golf rules.
52:37 Speaker 03 Well, yeah, would that undo it? I guess it would.
52:39 Speaker 04 It would flip it back, right? That's how it would work.
52:42 Speaker 05 It would, it would flip it, I think, yeah.
52:45 Speaker 04 drank the most?
52:46 Speaker 05 You know, for the guy who was drinking a lot of water, I didn't drink anything to end this episode. Last episode I did.
52:51 Speaker 04 I drank like half a Gatorade.
52:54 Speaker 03 All right. Plus one for Bob. I wouldn't say that's a lot, but I guess that's more than Mark. So surprise golf rules. Bob wins 10 to 13.
53:02 Speaker 04 All right. You love to see it.
53:04 Speaker 03 Mark, you really crushed it this episode. Um, you had so many porns.
53:07 Speaker 04 Porns?
53:08 Speaker 03 You got so many porns, man.
53:09 Speaker 04 Porns?
53:10 Speaker 03 You have so much porn, dude.
53:11 Speaker 05 Porns?
53:14 Speaker 04 Your porn, your porn's falling out of your dick over here.
53:17 Speaker 05 Look, I lost when I was winning, but that when was back then. So that then's not now. So the win isn't now, but you know what? We're all winners because we've spread the wonderful news we've spread today. And I bemoan the idea that there will, see, I'm number one on the five days of pretty subreddit. We better not get number one on that subreddit swear to God.
53:45 Speaker 04 The nut maxing subreddit. Wait, wait, editors, you can bleep it. What was it called? What was the subreddit called that was so bad you wouldn't read it in the episode?
53:56 Speaker 05 It was literally, well, I mean, I guess there's no harm in it. It was called
54:01 Speaker 05 that's it's a real boring. I feel like it should be nut maxing is what it should be, but I didn't want to.
54:06 Speaker 04 Yeah. How is it not r slash nut maxing like?
54:10 Speaker 05 I have no idea, you know, I don't know.
54:12 Speaker 03 Well, well said, I guess. Bob, um, really underperformed, got under my skin, uh, didn't laugh at my joke. Congrats on the win. Winner's speech.
54:20 Speaker 04 I booed you, the host and one. That is the best of both worlds. I knew what I signed up for when I booed you. I knew that it, sometimes that causes you to give points. So it is kind, it's kind of a gamble either both ways, but like, I knew that that was risky. And, uh, but also I knew that the wheel only picks between the same seven or eight responses. So golf rules was due to come back up, you know?
54:47 Speaker 03 That's fair. I can't hear the phrase knew it was coming without cringing at this moment.
54:52 Speaker 04 Came big time. Golf rules came all over everything.
54:56 Speaker 03 Should this episode be called fear maxing?
54:58 Speaker 04 Don't like it that much, but not because it's a bad title, just because I don't want those images in my head where I can't see images, but I could. Sort of see them and they're think even with a Fantasia really sticks with you.
55:13 Speaker 05 The only image you can have in your head is Nutmaxing. That's the only image you're allowed to generate.
55:21 Speaker 04 It's I have no, there's no setting. There's no setting. There's no characters. It's just the.
55:27 Speaker 03 Bob's A Fantasia superpowers. He can only see Nutmaxing.
55:34 Speaker 05 Rotate, rotate it in your head, Bob, rotate it.
55:37 Speaker 03 You can find Mark at Mark. You can find Bob at my screen, me at minion777 or Lord minion777. And I guess Bob lost, so he won. So he'll host the next one. Surprise golf rules. Until then, I hope you got your fear maxing in in October because you know what you can't do in November.
55:56 Speaker 03 Podcast app.
56:02 Speaker 01 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love. For introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
56:32 Speaker 02 Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger, fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.
Previous World Record (Today) Next Best of Wade: Part 1 (Compilation) Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated