Squid Game (Even Too-er)

The cephalopod confab returns as the guys expound upon what childhood games they'd like to see in their own version of Squid Game. Reserve your ticket now at ironlung.com. Only in theaters January 30, 2026. Order now at ⁠pandaexpress.com⁠ or a store near you. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  This episode is presented by Panda Express. It shouldn't be difficult, and maybe it's a bit silly, but we've all been there. Sometimes saying "I love you" is just hard, whether it's your partner, someone in your family, a good friend. But when you order tasty, authentically-cooked American Chinese cuisine from Panda Express, they'll know what you mean, because sharing some delicious orange chicken, or my personal favorite, the honey walnut shrimp, that means more than words, right? So, have you eaten yet? Order now, or find your nearest Panda Express.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode: Bopper Bob Scans a subreddit, conspires with Wade, then recruits the rascals for nefarious trials. Cinemark Has audience issues, gains accolades, proposes lethal swinging, deadly bores, and battle shit. Wonder Woman Wade Gets Gassed Up by Hoes, Shoots His Load, Table Slaughter Sitting, and Scotch. From Killing It to Festive Merch. Ha ha ha ha ha! It's time for Squid Game Eventurer.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome back to America's favorite game show, America's favorite trio, and America's favorite homemade dinner. That's right, you are watching Distractible, or if you're a loser, you're listening to Distractible. I don't blame you, it's just the facts. I'm your host, my name is Bob. Whoa, nah, don't, don't, no, I said what I said. They know how we feel about them.

• 2:50Speaker 04

  You know, the losers defeated Pennywise.

• 2:52Speaker 05

  Huh? That's true. Yeah, he's right. No, he's right.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. I'm the host because I won the last one, and I'm gonna be hosting, and we're gonna be playing a game, and I'm gonna be giving points, and the guys who are trying to win this one and host the next one, as always, are Mark and Wade.

• 3:07Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 3:08Speaker 05

  I'm the first one of those.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  My name comes with a W baked in.

• 3:13Speaker 05

  Flip my name upside down, you get woo.

• 3:20Speaker 04

  Flip mine upside down, you get map three.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  If you flip my name upside down, you get a bop.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Welcome back to another episode of Hit Podcast Distractible. Thank you so much for joining us, and if you are a listener, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that we're so hard on you, but you deserve it. Boys, how you doing? I'm losing my voice, apparently. I'm gonna stick a cough drop in, but who's got small talk? Who wants to talk about how their life's going?

• 3:47Speaker 05

  It's old news by now, but I've been ripped apart on the HomeLab subreddit for the state of my render farm. Did I mention that before in the?

• 3:56Speaker 04

  I think we talked about that, yeah.

• 3:58Speaker 05

  But only, I think we talked about it between us, not on an episode. The pictures are great.

• 4:02Speaker 04

  I thought it was on an episode, because I remember looking at the pictures.

• 4:05Speaker 05

  Never mind. Ah, whatever, okay. Ah, it's just in case. If it did, I'll, I'll say I got torn apart for good reasons, yada yada. If I didn't, you'll never know, you'll never know.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  I can't imagine what they were ripping you apart for.

• 4:20Speaker 05

  Well, they weren't actually ripping me apart. Some people were like, hell yeah, this belongs on this subreddit because all we have are piece of shit home lab setups. And then like, other people are like, this is not professional at all. And everyone's like, you're on the wrong subreddit if you think we're doing that here. But also, yeah, and I don't blame them.

• 4:38Speaker 04

  I don't know if I've been featured on any subreddits that aren't directly involving me.

• 4:41Speaker 05

  It's most of the time, not for good reasons.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, I kind of hope I've not.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  I can't imagine when I'm like, oh yeah, I made it. I made it to the top of shittiest bald people or whatever the hell exists. There's gotta be worse. There's a few worse bald people to me. I think I'm okay.

• 4:55Speaker 05

  There has to be.

• 4:56Speaker 04

  I learned that whenever your car tire pressure isn't default 32. Apparently tire pressure places around Cincinnati don't know how to handle that. Even whenever you can set the pressure to what you need to inflate your tire, it's cold. So my car's tires are like, my car's like, you need air. You're gonna die. Get air. It's like, alright. And I like to tip people that put air in my tires because you can go to like a tire discount or just something to put air in your tires for free. But I usually have to tip the person who comes out in the cold or the rain to do it. I didn't have any cash, so I was like, well, I guess I'll go put air in my own tires. So I just went to like a gas station, put some air in my tires, set the thing to whatever, like 35 and 38 or whatever it was. Cause it was always 32 before. Every car would have 32. This one, now 35 and 38. What do you mean they're all different?

• 5:41Speaker 04

  No, they've all been the same for me. All two cars I've owned were the same, therefore they were all the same. And I put, I put air in the tires. It was like, you did it. You got the correct pressure. It was like, yeah, woo, victory. So I owned. Get in my car, drive for a bit, park the car. Like, man, I gotta, maybe the next time I turn the car, it'll tell me that my tire pressures are right. Turn the car back on. Oh dear God, your tire pressures are a mess. Well, what could they possibly be? Let me look at the fancy interface that shows me 33, 31, 29, 35. None of these are what I said to be, but the beep beep beep, I had the victory noises. Why did they lie to me? Are you sure it wasn't a warning? Warning one, there's still a bit more air.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Warning, wrong.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  Wrong, wrong. I did it. Yeah, everyone at the gas station, I did it.

• 6:34Speaker 04

  Kind of, I kind of like look around, make sure no one's like, if they're looking, it's like, yeah, I'm doing this. My fingers have the weird little oily nastiness on them because I am putting air in my own tires like a big, strong man.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, but if you need it, you can come over to my, I have, I have the tool to do that. It's, it's called an air compressor.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't have one of those, so I just go to like the gas station.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  They sell them. Got to hit the Ryobi days.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  They sell really like nice little ones too, that like are little handheld battery powered ones that are like, that'll take like, it's like a whole giant air compressor, but.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  The only real downside of those is they're kind of small, but like, or they're kind of slow because they're kind of small, but like, those work fine. They go, they generally, they go, you set that thing, you could have one, or you could come borrow mine. You don't have to go to the gas station.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  That station was a little bit close. See, the thing was the gas station was on my way to where I was going. And I used to put air in tires at that gas station with the old car and it was fine. But apparently it can't go past thirty two, even though it says it can.

• 7:31Speaker 05

  I mean, it can.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Oh, why is that?

• 7:34Speaker 05

  Like, man, I, I don't know the science of it, but, well, that's it. I don't know the science of it.

• 7:39Speaker 04

  That's my life. Okay. In the last three episodes, my life has been I lifted a couch and I failed to get air in my tires. That's all I do.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  So is your car still upset at you about the air situation?

• 7:50Speaker 04

  Livid. My real car is, it's mine and exists, is mad at me.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  I was giving you that. I was, I was taking that.

• 7:58Speaker 04

  Not everyone has yet. I'm still very touchy about that.

• 8:01Speaker 05

  I have security footage of Wade's approach to the, uh, the gas station that the editors have thankfully provided.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:09Speaker 05

  Here's him, Flintstone style, sitting in just air, kind of scooting up with a steering wheel up to the gas station air compressor. Uh, he gets out, he grabs the hose and just goes around his nothing and he, uh, floats in there and he threw the side of his mouth, you hear. And then he goes.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  I'm like invisible woman with her wonder, or Wonder Woman with her invisible.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Invisible woman with her wonder.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Never mind.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  No, no, you're right. You're right.

• 8:39Speaker 04

  Come on, brain.

• 8:41Speaker 05

  Anyway, sorry editors. I don't know what the hell you just did there, but I'm sure it was compelling security footage.

• 8:46Speaker 04

  They probably just showed like an MS Paint image of like a stick figure just standing, holding what looks like a gas pump, which just said air and then nothing else in the picture.

• 8:54Speaker 05

  That reminds me, next time I host, I gotta do a sequel of that drawing from Description Game that we did a while back.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  All the listeners loved that one. I can't wait. They did. It was a great episode. It was a great episode. Is that the one where I had to describe someone like leaning in through a window or bars or whatever it was and Bob was?

• 9:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did really good.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  We should do it again. Yeah, we should do it again. It's very stressful.

• 9:15Speaker 05

  Sometimes the winners get an episode. Sometimes the listeners get an episode. It's, you know, it's all, it's all, it's all whatever it is.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  Sometimes the winners, sometimes the listeners. Damn.

• 9:23Speaker 05

  Uh, I didn't say much small talk there, but um. You don't have to have much small talk. Okay, so I had a, all right, at this point it's probably, I, uh, so movies in Cinemark, right? So I had a call with Cinemark and they were first, they were like, uh, do you have some kind of automated system sending out emails to, uh, get, you know, people at requesting tickets? And I say like, no, I, I actually do have a large fan base and yes, they're real and you know, sometimes they get a little nervous. So they copy and paste other people. They ask like, how can I email these people? And someone will say like, this is what I mail. And I'm like, oh, great. And copy. Anyway, um, they asked me to, uh, slow down and I, I, I had to explain to them, okay, when it's something like this, I can't control them

• 10:05Speaker 05

  that much, uh, cause it's kind of very up to their whims. Like the, the, the community will sometimes really latch on to something and they'll be super adamant about it. And I don't even need to say much of anything because it's all sort of just me one comment. So like, no, your local theater, let them know, ask for it. And, uh, apparently Cinemark has, the guy from Cinemark is like, our, our team is just, the emails just, can you please calm down? Please. I'm just like.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  But the thing is, if people hadn't reached out, would they ever have talked to you?

• 10:36Speaker 05

  No, they wouldn't. But if I say to my audience, oh guys, slow down, it's working. They're not gonna stop. They're gonna go harder. Yeah, that'll just make them do more. Yeah, they're gonna do it more. Slow down, guys. It's working. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, but anyway, this is small things here.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  No, that is, I did see, I, uh, I saw a thing on Reddit. I don't even know if it's true, but I'll talk about it like it's true. I saw a thing on Reddit where someone in like a subreddit, that's like theater employees or something was like, this guy has a bot farm sending emails, spamming emails about his movie. It was like moaning about it. And then a bunch of people jumped in and were like, no, that's just us, man. Like, he just has a lot of, and like that same guy, I don't know if it was the same thread or the same subreddit. He came back later and was like, oh, it's real. Sorry, I guess.

• 11:30Speaker 05

  I thought he was gonna double down. Now they found me here too.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  No, he was, it was like, oh, you know what? It is people. Leave me alone.

• 11:41Speaker 05

  No, I, I did see that. They were very nice because they did come back and they showed a screenshot of like, yeah, okay. Because they thought at first it was just gonna be, they put it up and only like three sales, but that's because not a lot of people get confirmation when it's up. They have to check. So then like a few hours later, he's like, oh, it all, oh, it's almost sold out. So he showed a screenshot of like the, the screen and all the seats were almost taken. And so, oh, it's real. So it's very nice. I totally understand. From any other perspective, this looks insane. But that's kind of just the nature of online stuff that not a lot of people understand that there are translations to real life that have tangible effect. But it, it's not always the case. So it's kind of hard to judge where it is. Um, but yeah, no, this has been a, a real, real fun adventure so far. So.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  Can't wait to do this once a year.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  It's funny when normies have to interface with internet types. They have no idea what they're getting into.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  It is strange because like before doing YouTube and stuff, internet culture seemed so alien to me. And now I've been a part of it for so long. Like the thought of not being a part of it's weird. So when people are like, oh, I can't believe these people are messaging. It's like, you idiot. What are you not in our industry or something? It's like, oh, wait, you're not, probably.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, you guys remember going to indie popcorn and if we try to tell people that we were stuck at a convention for four days, literally not able to not spend a single second to ourselves, and we had to meet fans every second of that time we were there. I don't think that many people could understand that.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  That Friday, it was like eight or nine AM until I think close to 10 PM and we did not leave.

• 13:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 04

  We took bathroom, we would run to the bathroom and I think we had like a sandwich or something brought to us so we could eat like during the day, but we did not leave that that staging area at all that day, like not once.

• 13:22Speaker 05

  It is a fascinating, different world that is huge, but a lot of these people just never see it. So they don't, they couldn't believe that it exists. Oh, oh, my packages. Wait, hold on. I gotta answer this.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  Packages.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Oh man, we should make another handshake deal that we forget about.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Like at any point, we could just be like, so Mark, we have this handshake deals and it does exactly what we need it to in this moment.

• 13:47Speaker 04

  Perfect. Schrodinger's handshake.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Official handshake deal that we just have an in the air, in the air handshake deal.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Emergency handshake.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Emergency, get out of one man show handshake deal. And whatever, whenever it comes up between you and me, whatever the other person says, you just have to jump in and be like, yep, yep. We made that exact handshake deal. Yeah, that's I, we agreed. It's a thing.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  It's be really awful if we have like one of the best wins of our career and then the other person's like, but we have this handshake deal. I'm like, yes.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  I think we should use it for mutual benefit. Honestly, I think we should, I think maybe that should be one of the, the one thing about it is like, it should be for the good of all three hosts, but it's at our discretion between you and me to jump in and do whatever.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  With the, the thought of it just annoying the crap out of Mark, knowing it's there, not knowing what it is, but then it actually being good is really funny.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  I'm back.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  It's something from Spotify. I don't know.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  That seems relevant to what we're doing right now.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  I got an award.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  What is that? What does that say?

• 14:48Speaker 05

  The Armchair Athlete Wrapped Awards 2025.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  What? Hey, if you're getting that.

• 14:55Speaker 04

  This is unrelated to our episode. So I have a management team I work with for like sponsors and stuff. I just got a message from them asking if Iron Lung is scary. They want to go see it, but they don't, they're afraid of taking their kid to see Iron Lung.

• 15:08Speaker 05

  I sprayed it R. Well, it depends on how old the kid is. I mean, it's fine for anyone that watches my videos, but it does get pretty bloody.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  I actually just honestly forget what we were talking about.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, same.

• 15:21Speaker 04

  Probably not important. We can move on.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger. Fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.

• 16:27Speaker 04

  This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah. We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered, it's showing up no matter what.

• 16:39Speaker 05

  I think that might be them knocking on the door and because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. To them or the FBI, I'm not 100% sure. Yep.

• 16:50Speaker 04

  When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will, we're on our way. Uber, on our way. Download the app today.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Anyway, I have a game. Let's play a game. This is good. This is kind of, I won't say it's collaborative, but it's almost collaborative, but not really because there's still a winner and a loser. Have you guys seen Squid Game?

• 17:11Speaker 04

  No.

• 17:12Speaker 05

  I've seen the first season.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Okay, first season is enough. Wade, I'll fill you in. So there's a whole flock of squids and they live in the ocean and no, okay. So Squid Game, the premise is they recruit, there's this society of, spoiler alert, I guess. I don't know if this is old at this point. There's a society of like hyper wealthy individuals who basically recruit a bunch of people who are in financial dire straits into a tournament where they play games and losers are killed and the one surviving winner wins a fuckgillion dollars and all of their problems are solved. The games that they play are versions of like childhood games. So they play like red light, green light.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  They play, um, this, apparently this is a game in Korea where there's like shapes made into these little sugar candies and you're supposed to cut the shape out of the, it's like a circular candy, but it'll have like a star stamped in it or like a, some kind of shape. Okay. And you're supposed to get the shape without breaking the shape out of the whole thing. It's like little kids games, right? They play marbles, they play tug of war, stuff like this. I am in charge of throwing the next Squid Games bash, but I wanna spice it up and I want you two to pitch me, what games from your childhood or our collective childhood would we make the Squid Games games? And I just kinda want, I'm just gonna go back and forth and I'm, we're gonna see who

• 18:41Speaker 02

  comes up with what. So I don't know how many games you guys remember from like recess, elementary school, or if you had any favorites or whatever, but I just kinda wanna talk about it. Games we played in our childhood in the context of how are they deadly squid game style elimination murder games? Hmm. Uh, head's as weight, tails as mark. One E's is gonna go first and then we're just gonna go back and forth and, uh, and you're gonna pitch me. Okay, got it. That is heads, cuz the lady is heads.

• 19:13Speaker 05

  I don't remember who his head was.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't either.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Wade was heads.

• 19:16Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Bald head, heads.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  My first proposal is chutes and ladders, or snakes and ladders, or whatever version of that you wanna have.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  So without knowing the context, this is like people's deaths and stuff, right?

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you, the way these games work is, uh, there were multiple rounds, but if you lose a game, you die is supposed to be the premise. So like if you get caught in red light, green light, moving on a red light, poof, bullet to the head.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  Okay, so the way this is set up is kinda like an obstacle course, whatever, to look like chutes and ladders, where you have to like run around, climb the ladders. But each like section is blocked off and you have to like jump on a device that rolls a big dice that tells you how many ahead you get to go. And if you get to a point where you go down the chute, it's death. And if somebody gets to the end, does everyone else die? Like one person gets in and everyone else dies, or?

• 20:09Speaker 02

  So each game doesn't have to result in one single winner, but the point is to narrow it down from hundreds of people down to one winner.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Okay, so kinda like Fall Guys where you have like 13 out of 20. Okay, so you have like that kinda number. Okay. So chutes and ladders, don't go down the chute.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  But it's not like you're just playing the board game. It's like some sort of real life.

• 20:28Speaker 04

  Oh, it's an obstacle course where you're running, you have to like jump to see how far you get to go with the dice roll, how many doors open for you?

• 20:36Speaker 02

  Did you play that when you were a kid?

• 20:37Speaker 04

  The board game? Yeah, not the one that involved death.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Did you play murder chutes and ladders when you were a kid?

• 20:42Speaker 04

  Well, clearly I was the winner. And all it cost was my whole family.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Dude, no wonder Monopoly gets so heated. Shit.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  I'm bankrupt. Sorry, grandma.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  I think your shotgun sounds like a kiss. I appreciate the.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  Sorry, grandma.

• 21:00Speaker 05

  The kiss of death. All right. I got one.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Go for it.

• 21:04Speaker 05

  Jump rope, right? I had that. I had that one in mind. So it's it's both. You have other players that have to it's it's traditional like schoolyard jump rope. We have other players that are swinging it and then you have to jump in the middle there and do your dance and sing the whatever. And then you have to get out without touching the rope. The rope is obviously some kind of laser like from Kingsman where he had the whip that was just like somehow electrically cut things magically like a lightsaber, but controllable. But this one's always on. It's like lightsaber will cut you to shreds. So obviously, if you get hit, your foot gets cut off and you kind of fall and you get sliced to ribbons and all the other players like.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  And you have to jump into the gore to continue playing.

• 21:48Speaker 05

  Exactly. So it gets slippery and you know, well, maybe a little cleanup.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  But so you're saying that the the people spinning the ropes are also players? So they have a stake in the game or?

• 21:59Speaker 05

  So the way I've seen some extreme games go is like they're rotating out from who's holding it. So you not only have to do this, you know, sometimes it get two, sometimes it's one, and then they can rotate out who's holding it and they kind of switch out and to do the stance. But let's just assume for the sake of balance in this one, it's the guards doing the swinging or else they could, you know, make it not fair. Or it's a robot or something that gets faster, the big robot thing.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Jump rope robot. I like that.

• 22:24Speaker 05

  Just so it's consistent, right?

• 22:27Speaker 02

  There's the red light, green light robot in the original squid in the first season of Squid Game. So like, I could see that. It could be the same robot. You just get an arm on it and then she could say the creepy stuff she says. I like that. I would be awful at that.

• 22:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, I would not be good either.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Ignoring how out of shape I am, I couldn't even jump rope when I was at my best physical peak of performance. I don't understand how it works. It's like wizard shit. I accept it. Wade?

• 22:53Speaker 04

  Musical chairs.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Do they have to? Do you have to kill people to take the chairs or how do they die? Well, part of that is deadly.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  I think like there's some kind of safety device that comes down. So like if you get in the chair in time, like the moment you sit, something closes really quickly. So if someone goes to try to grab you out, they're likely going to have like a limb severed or something. So maybe maybe they pull you out and hurt you. But like ultimately, you or whatever is left of you when that device comes down is safe. And if you're not safe, incinerator or something horrible happens.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Man, I was thinking, I couldn't remember a lot of games from my childhood that would be good for this, but you guys are all over it. I think those are all winners so far. Yes. And like musical chairs could be funny because you could play songs that are like ironic because the people are all killing each other for money, you know, could be like the, what's that? Money, money, money, money. Yeah. Stuff like that. Very funny. Uh, Mark, hit me.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  Dodgeball. So it's dodgeball with explosive balls, right? So it's keyed up somehow to only explode when it hits the enemy. Okay, no, I got it. Cause you have to have all the rules of dodgeball. So if it bounces off you and it flies in the air and someone catches it, it's still a save. And if you catch it, it's somehow to reassemble the exploded person that died in your team to bring them back in, right?

• 24:21Speaker 02

  No, I think, I think the way around that is you have a lot of people waiting to get into the game and if someone dies, they're, they're, we don't undye them. Someone else comes in.

• 24:32Speaker 05

  That's right. A new person comes in till you're out of new people or your whole team loses. This is great. This is great. Yeah. So it's somehow explosive, but only after being thrown and only if it hits the ground after it hits you or something like that. Maybe it's just on contact. I think it might be a little unrealistic to be able to.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  No, no, I, I think we could, what I'm, what I'm seeing is you inject a small explosive into the base of everyone's neck and then you have a series of referees watching and as long as the referees confer, they're watching the action. They're like, that player is out. And they get, you get confirmation and then they just go, boop.

• 25:08Speaker 05

  There's a flag on the play. We're going to review the call to see if it's valid.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Number 133 might be dead. We're gonna review the play. You stand over there in the box until we come to they're just standing there like, uh, uh, wait a minute. No, I like that. That we can make that work. We have all the money in the world, basically. So the technology, you don't have to worry about too much. As long as the rules make sense. I feel like that makes sense. Is it, do we split the whole group into two teams then? Is it just like one half or is one half or is there multiple?

• 25:43Speaker 05

  I think it's like the tug of war thing where there's multiple teams.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  There's like groups. Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I think so. It depends on where in the competition it is. Okay, I'm gonna run out of slots here. Wait, do you have another one?

• 25:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a little bit of a work in progress here, but it's collaborative, right? So work with me here. Hopscotch. So hopscotch is the game where you draw like squares on the grounds, like one square or two squares. And you throw something, it lands on one of the squares. I think you have to like, you know, one foot hop on the single square, put one foot in the two, one, whatever the thing is. I think you have to skip the square you threw the thing in and like turn around, come back, pick it up and finish hopping. So imagine like a more like hardcore version of hopscotch where you have to do the hopping and whatnot, but there's like things in the way and hurdles. And then you have to throw your whatever, skip that square. And as time goes on and people are like weeded out, the last however many left get to live.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  But if you miss your square or trip over one of the obstacles, not gonna go well, like pressure plates or something.

• 26:43Speaker 05

  I like it.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  Also, I gotta be honest, I actually confused hopscotch and tic tac toe from it name wise. And I was like, tic tac toe, that game where you hop? Wait a minute.

• 26:51Speaker 05

  Hopscotch, they have to go down and come back, right?

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, to go down and come back. And there's something about throwing a rock.

• 26:58Speaker 05

  There's something about, yeah, the rock throwing. There's, there's more to it than I, I rem, I think there was being.

• 27:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, I never actually did hops. I saw people play hopscotch, but I never actually did it.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  I never did it correctly. I always just goofed around in the hopscotch area. I feel like that works. I'm not like in love with that one. That's like a bubble one. I'm gonna give you a provisional point, which I'm gonna say for wheel purposes counts as a lie point.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  I'll take it. I'll take it.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  Uh, Mark, wow me. You've been killing it. Way better than Wade so far.

• 27:28Speaker 05

  Thank you. Life sized dipping into board games, life sized battleship, right? So it's the two teams that can't see each other. You have one person that's calling the shots and everyone else is like strung together on a boat, right? A boat. And so they have to position themselves and it's real missiles coming in. Short range explosions and it's enough that if you're in a chain of three, then the middle guy gets missile blood.

• 27:59Speaker 05

  But you're still there. You're still, and it's on the water too. So you're actually floating. You got little lifesavers. That's what the boats are. They're chained together lifesavers and you're just like, oh, yeah. Or maybe it's sharks underneath the water and they come and grab you.

• 28:11Speaker 02

  Ooh, drama. I think the sharks are the backup. I think if someone tries to escape or if someone is a coward and tries to move because they think they're about to get hit, then that's when the sharks come in. I like the sharks though, because you, it is, you have to think about the presentation. We're trying to entertain a room full of the hyper wealthy here. They've seen it all. Trained sharks would be quite the thing. I like that. I honestly think that's pretty much a full slate. That's all the squid games. So we have our own squid games. This next part, I just want to go through these, what we've picked out. I want us to decide between the three of us, which one of you two we think would win. And we'll have to just pick the winner of the squid games, which doesn't mean you're the winner of the episode, but it just means you would win the squid games. I like those games a lot. I'm impressed.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  And this first one, I might say is a coin flip. I'm not sure. Chutes and ladders. It's kind of random, right? It's not really skill. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Is that one kind of a coin flip? I would say if you're playing the right way. All right. Well, I'm just gonna do a coin flip for it. Heads is Wade, tails is Mark.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  That is another lady of heads. Well, Wade suggested chutes and ladders and Wade wins chutes and ladders. I love luck when it's on my side. It's over here right now. Isn't that right, luck? Jump rope. I glad I'm not competing because I would definitely lose between the three of us, but it's between you guys. Mark, you were, I don't know if it was this one. No, it was previous recent episode. You were talking about how you want to get back in shape and work out more. So I don't know how you feel about your current, but Wade, I feel like you moan a lot about not being in shape. You recently hurt your back. You got knee problems.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  I will say when I was in shape, jumping was a thing I loved to do. I would, I used to practice jumping because I wanted to dunk so badly that I would just like sit there, jump, slap the backboard, jump slap the backboard. So like I did a lot of jump rope like things in order to get to the point where I could dunk a basketball. I don't know how well I'd handle it now. But jumping was actually the one thing I didn't mind doing.

• 30:14Speaker 02

  That's true. You, you did play a jump focused sport. I don't know, Mark. I honestly, I know you guys pretty well. I feel like I have no sense of how good you are at jump rope, Mark. Have you ever done it?

• 30:25Speaker 05

  I've jump roped, but even when I was doing it, working out, I've never really able to keep it up for that very long, even just by myself. Um, so doing it for a minute straight would be an impressive feat for me. No pun intended.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  I guess we're giving that to Wade.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  Jumping.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  Wade is our jump.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  More like the jump key. Okay.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was getting there. I was going. Musical chairs. This is another tricky one.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  I was terrible at musical chairs because like I take a moment to process and whenever the song ends, it's like my brain like continues humming the song rather than hurrying to a chair. Like it kind of like.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  You do have questionable reaction times sometimes.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  I'm not very dexterous. Yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  Mark, I feel like you'd be pretty good in musical chairs.

• 31:15Speaker 05

  Ah, musical chairs gives me stress, like anxiety. The idea of even being in a game of musical chairs gives me more anxiety than almost any other game you could think of.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Is it like positive, like on your toes, very performance? You know, like you do better under the pressure or is it like you would crumble?

• 31:33Speaker 05

  I think, no, I think I would perform fine. It's just like, I don't like the idea of doing it, but I feel like that might spur me on to be quicker with my reactions. Hopefully, I might be clumsier.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  When people's lives weren't on the line, kids were fucking aggressive with musical chairs. They would like knock people on the floor, like show, there was, it was very violent. I can only imagine how awful that would be, like life or death musical chairs. That sounds terrible.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  That sounds terrible. I think we should do it.

• 31:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Next one, Mark's explosion dodgeball.

• 32:03Speaker 04

  Hmm, I was terrible dodgeball too. I'm big, I'm a big target, so like it was easy to hit.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  I know you, you played a ball sport, Wade, but I feel like you're kind of, you're kind of taller, like lankier. Like unless you have some very hidden talents.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  Baseball, soccer and dodgeball were the three that never clicked. I could tennis, I could volleyball, basketball, football, baseball, soccer and dodgeball. I fucking hated, everyone was always so excited on dodgeball days. I hated dodgeball day in gym class. I hated it with a passion. That was my, one of my least favorites. Cause I just got hit a lot, never caught the damn ball.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  That sounds like you're just conceding to begin with, but.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  Well, kinda, cause I was terrible at it and I'm big and easy to hit.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Mark, how bad are you at dodgeball? Are you worse than Wade at dodgeball?

• 32:49Speaker 05

  I'm actually, cause I, I am a slightly smaller target, slightly. Very, it's really close, but I gotta give it to him on.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  You're a perfectly average target.

• 33:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, truly. I mean, honestly.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  You can catch catching too. When we played football and stuff, you, you were good at catching things.

• 33:07Speaker 05

  I was decent at catching. Um, I, I think that I, I am a little nimble. I think I can do some of this.

• 33:14Speaker 04

  That's the thing, I'm not nimble. Big, not nimble.

• 33:16Speaker 05

  I think I might have a little bit of an edge on this one.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  I'm gonna give you that. I'm gonna give you the dodgeball.

• 33:21Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  That's, I, I think that's, I, I can't even argue dodgeball, my favorite. I was terrible at it and hated it.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  And then the last one, I think we're gonna go with the battleship. This one is also kinda random, but it is a skill game and you guys are. Like, we joke about how Wade pretends to be stupider than he is and he plays a fool and stuff. And like, you are, you are a clever guy, but I feel like in different ways, I could see both of you being pretty good at battleships.

• 33:47Speaker 04

  I was bad as a kid. I remember, okay, I can't say, but I had one time where my dad fooled the hell out of me. We played Battleship and he grouped all of his ships together and I hit one and I started going across and he was like, hit, hit, hit. And I got to like six in a row and I was like, you're cheating. There's no ship that big. Cause I was hitting them like this way and I got mad and like rage put in him to show me.

• 34:08Speaker 05

  I'm getting too much success here. How dare you?

• 34:12Speaker 04

  So that's when I learned like different strategies for Battleship as to how to group your stuff and not group your, like you can kind of really mix it up. And then like trying to strategically find things across the board. Cause you don't want to spend too many pips in one like corner, but you do want to make sure you narrow things, especially with that fucking one by two, that little tiny ass boat. So I got to be okay at Battleship, but I've also not played that in like 20 years.

• 34:33Speaker 05

  Perfectly reasonably sized boat, by the way, just because it's two, it's not tiny itty bitty. It's actually pretty, pretty normal.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Very small, barely fit a normal human sized person on it.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  I don't know about that. I think you can fit a lot on it. Perfectly reasonable.

• 34:45Speaker 04

  I was like the big aircraft carrier.

• 34:47Speaker 05

  You would, you would.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  I don't know. I don't know who would win that.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  What's your personal history with Battleship's Mark?

• 34:57Speaker 05

  Uh, I was very good at cheating.

• 35:02Speaker 05

  But only if my brother was around. So he, we would give each other signals of like, we had a little, little system to tell each other where they were.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Well, if you could get your brother recruited into the game, then you guys could kind of.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  I'm sure that won't end in a horribly traumatizing way for one of us.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that'd probably be fine. No, but in the, in the, in the series, don't cheaters just get executed in that thing.

• 35:24Speaker 05

  Probably, yeah, probably, probably.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  If your, if your strategy would be to cheat, I think that would get you in trouble.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  What can you do?

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Well, you could not cheat, I guess, but.

• 35:33Speaker 05

  What could you do?

• 35:38Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 36:08Speaker 01

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• 36:40Speaker 02

  Thanks for playing along, boys. Now I know what's gonna happen when I host this year's annual Squid Games.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  We host, right? We don't have to compete, right?

• 36:48Speaker 02

  You guys could play if you want. You wanna get recruited?

• 36:52Speaker 04

  No, I'm okay.

• 36:53Speaker 05

  You playing with us?

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Come on, dude, come play.

• 36:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, you will play?

• 36:57Speaker 02

  Come play!

• 36:58Speaker 04

  Bob's like, "I play from up here in this chair in the safety zone. You play down here on the murder board."

• 37:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, we all have our roles, and your role is down there with the people. Mark, you got points for Home Lab Gore. I forgot, but I gave you a point. Bah Farmer Mark. Jump rope, explosive dodgeball, life-size battleships, winning musical chairs, and winning dodgeball. Wade, you got points for being correct, as admitted by Mark, being a big, strong man. Shoots and Ladders, obstacle course, the musical chairs game. I gave you a lie point. You won Shoots and Ladders, you won Jump Rope, and you won Battleships. Liking the final score, 8 to 8.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 37:43Speaker 05

  Damn. I'm hoping for the mythical zero on the number of spins.

• 37:48Speaker 04

  Or a two, or a one that goes to listeners, or viewers.

• 37:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, there's a lot of ways this could become a problem for me. I see what you're getting at.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  Sudden death.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Or what if it was just normal, and one of you just won because of how the number of points that happened?

• 38:03Speaker 05

  Meh, that's boring. We want this show to be exciting and thrilling.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  Unless we're the host, then we want normal.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Two it is.

• 38:12Speaker 05

  That's what I like to see. Oh, daddy's got ribs on the grill with some barbecue sauce. What?

• 38:19Speaker 02

  What's happening?

• 38:20Speaker 04

  I don't know. I'm hungry, I guess, again.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  I want to give a point to whomever has the worst weather.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  I've not seen the sky today, Bob. What's it like in Cincinnati?

• 38:30Speaker 02

  It's not bad. It's cold.

• 38:32Speaker 04

  I haven't seen the sun.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Two spins. Please help me. Spin number one is no point. Fuck you.

• 38:43Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  Well, okay. Well, no respinning that. It's pretty straightforward.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Spin number two is also no point. Fuck you. But it would be fuck me. Uh.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  It's the one I just added. Worst weather near here. Well, I mean, it's probably Wade, I guess.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  Forty-one degrees, mostly sunny.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  Wait, hold on. We don't go outside. I don't know why I added this. This is a terrible idea.

• 39:12Speaker 05

  It's like, it's like, it's really nice out today. It's like eighty, you know?

• 39:16Speaker 02

  Oh, jeez. Do you have any, like, tsunamis or anything?

• 39:20Speaker 05

  No, no, it's nice.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  I think that's a weight point right there.

• 39:23Speaker 04

  Yes. Well, no, there's times where Mark will win that one.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it's certain, like, I think weather includes, like, if there are wildfires within a mile of your house and, you know, I think Mark, Mark has ups and downs, but that one might be a little skewed and against Mark. I don't know. That's total, total accident.

• 39:43Speaker 04

  Ah, it's fine.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  Wade, you're the winner. Give us a winner's speech, eh?

• 39:46Speaker 04

  Uh, fun episode. I'm glad I got to learn everything that was the squid game. So I'm glad we got to build one and I can't wait to not have to compete, but to get to help Bob host one. So I look forward to that. Thanks, man.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Hmm. Absolutely. I'm excited to have you, assuming my overlords allow it. Uh, Mark, loser's speech.

• 40:04Speaker 05

  Uh, you know, I went into this one thinking that I would win. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, which is really a surprise. I usually win these things and the fact that I didn't kind of makes me suspicious of things, but not enough to say any words that are gonna have any negative impact. So I think that I'll just leave it at that and just say, hey, the truth is out there.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. Yeah, the truth is out there.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Congratulations Wade and Mark, I'm sorry. Honestly, it felt like you were winning the whole time. It really did, but you know, it's okay. It happens. That doesn't always translate into, uh, you know, actually being the winner, but that's fine. Thank you so much, both of you for playing. I, once again, can't tell if that game was any fun at all. I'm sure the listeners and the viewers will let me know on the subreddit. I'm curious. I hate it, so that probably means that you'll think it's the best episode we've ever done. Well, I don't hate it. I just, I just had to, I thought it'd be funnier and then I started talking and then it's probably my fault.

• 41:05Speaker 04

  It was an intellectual. I enjoyed it.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  Intuitive?

• 41:08Speaker 05

  Is it into what you heard him?

• 41:10Speaker 02

  Uh, make sure you follow us on socials, Markplier, LordMinion777, MySkirm, uh, merch?

• 41:15Speaker 05

  Yes, we do have a brand new selection of Christmas merch available right now, including ornaments. And if you go to distractible.shop, not any other form of it, there are fake ones out there. There's a, uh, a fun Christmas sweater and a Christmas ornament.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  The ornament is really cool. I like it. It says, "Editors, make it Christmas!" It's very cool.

• 41:36Speaker 04

  And you can get it in red or green.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  The colors of Christmas. Also, hey, make sure you check out Iron Lung, ironlung.com. Cool movie. Spam your local movie theater with as many emails as you can get through your, you know, just make them, uh, confused. Make them think it's a-

• 41:53Speaker 04

  Mr. Mark is crying right now. No, no, like Senna, his name is Senna Mark?

• 41:58Speaker 05

  Oh, oh, uh, I see.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Uh, that's his father. Anyway, that's it. Wade's gonna host the next one because he's a bajillionaire now, cuz he wins the squid game.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Thanks for playing. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Podcast out.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  And I'm dead. I'm dead in Guam. Put me floating in Guam.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  Watch new episodes on Spotify.

• 42:29Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 42:59Speaker 01

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