Size Matters (Part 2)

The ultimate test of endurance returns as Mark once again puts Bob and Wade to the linguistic test. Reserve your ticket now at ironlung.com. Only in theaters January 30, 2026. Order now at ⁠pandaexpress.com⁠ or a store near you. Visit www.rocketmoney.com/Distractible Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk-takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  This episode is presented by Panda Express. It shouldn't be difficult, and maybe it's a bit silly, but we've all been there. Sometimes saying "I love you" is just hard. Whether it's your partner, someone in your family, a good friend, but when you order tasty, authentically cooked American Chinese cuisine from Panda Express, they'll know what you mean. Because sharing some delicious orange chicken, or my personal favorite, the honey walnut shrimp, that means more than words, right? So, have you eaten yet? Order now, or find your nearest Panda Express.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode: Mean Mark threatens a cull, talks evil equipment, then capitalizes on comedic contractions. Weakling Wade waddles with ass pain due to refurbishing, rolls on Mrs. Robinson, and gets formal. Bonhomie Bob generates festive Einstein Rosenbridges, scratches up Psycho, pumps Gump and Johnny's. From Smellovision to holiday dates. Ha ha ha ha ha!

• 2:10Speaker 03

  It's time for Size Matters, Part Two. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 2:27Speaker 04

  Hello and welcome back to Distractible, the only show you're ever gonna need in your life, or else, or else what? Death.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Oh, definitive.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  Well, I mean.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Not definitive.

• 2:43Speaker 04

  Well, well, no, it's very definitive. If they don't, if they, if it's not the only show in their life, then it's. It's death.

• 2:49Speaker 05

  What if it's not the only show in our lives?

• 2:52Speaker 02

  I guess we're all watching Distractible.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  Is death, Wade. The answer to your question is death. And yes, Bob, we are all only listening and watching to distract. In fact, listening and watching counts as two shows. Death.

• 3:04Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Ooh, that's a tough choice.

• 3:06Speaker 04

  So you better be watching with no sound or listening with no eyes.

• 3:09Speaker 05

  I guess I'd rather watch with no sound because listening with no eyes, you have to remove your eyes.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  I feel like you could get rid of the visual, however you might choose, but getting rid of your eyes is the safest bet.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, safest bet. It's very safe. Yeah, the volume could pop on at any moment, you know, if it switches devices like goes to your AirPods or something.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  It happens.

• 3:27Speaker 04

  Then death. There's only one way to be sure. Anyway, for all of you people out there that aren't betraying us in the worst possible way, that yields death. My name is Mark. I'm here to be your host and guide through this beautiful experience. I know you can't see me if you're hearing me, and I know you can't hear me if you're seeing me, but if you have a friend next to you, and one of you has no eyes and one of you has no ears, then you're good and you can cover all the bases. And if you have a way to communicate to each other to get all the detail across, that's good in my book. I'm joined by these two also collaborative competitors, Bob and Wade.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  I'm one of those.

• 4:05Speaker 05

  Hey.

• 4:06Speaker 04

  By the end of this episode, you're gonna know which one's which.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  No, they never learn.

• 4:10Speaker 05

  We sound alike, look alike, smell alike.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Indistinguishable.

• 4:13Speaker 05

  They don't even know which one we're married to.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  When the smell version of the podcast comes out, we're gonna get so many more car crashes.

• 4:19Speaker 05

  It sure will be.

• 4:21Speaker 04

  Speaking of car crashes, this, this beginning of this podcast is off to a rip roaring start. I can tell. I really chose the good bits for my hostings.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Oh, come on, I have a little more confidence. I believe in you.

• 4:31Speaker 04

  I know I believe in myself, but when I start threatening death upon our audience, I have a funny feeling that it's, it might not be the best, strongest beginning that we could have to.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  Oh, they like it.

• 4:41Speaker 05

  You're just going for that. Our rating.

• 4:43Speaker 04

  That's a funny process that I could talk about and another time of getting getting the uh the rating there. But I won't talk about it now because it's not my life that we're here to talk about. It is these guys' lives that we're here to talk about. So how are your lives?

• 4:57Speaker 05

  Going pretty good. No, I'm not too bad. Um, recently we've replaced an area rug. We have like this big area rug in our family room. It took up most of the room and it was tucked under. We have like a corner couch and like another little sofa on the side. And I was like, ah, we need to replace this thing. It's old. It's gross. Previous homeowners had left it. Their dog, I think, had potted on it. Our dog smelled that. We're like, we need to mark it too. And it was like, yeah, let's get rid of this nasty thing. How hard could it be to lift up a couple sofas, remove a rug, remove a pad, put a new one down? Probably takes like 10 minutes. Pretty easy. Took like two hours to get this thing in properly and get it all laid out after removing the old one. And apparently like an old rug that's been laying there for like however many years, doesn't fold up very nice.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  So trying to like roll it, move it, get it into a like a garbage can, end up uh getting it like a junk company. But uh it was a whole process. I was like, huh, finally that's done. Got the new rug. It's nice. Got the padding underneath. It's oriented. Everything's perfect. And then uh, ah, I'm just a little sore from lifting the couch uh 500 times, but whatever. Man, oh, man. I don't know if I was lifting wrong or if I'm just that out of shape or using muscles I never use. My back for like three days, just like fully locked up. I was just like lemming around like, because I could not just move with a normal pace.

• 6:20Speaker 05

  You know, classic lemming noise.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Oh, lemming. Okay.

• 6:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, not lemon. Lemming.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  I thought you were making fun of lem.

• 6:28Speaker 05

  That's a rune in Diablo two. I don't know what else it is.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  A guy named Lem? I don't know. You're the one who said you were lemming around. I guess he's one of the Stooges.

• 6:36Speaker 05

  Lift um lift smartly when you move furniture and also don't underestimate any task. It might surprise you with how big of a pain in the ass it is.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  I guess I just moved, so I have a lot of perspective on how hard it is to move things around, but I've seen that room. I cannot imagine how you looked at that and you were like, ah, easy task. Those big couches you have in that room. And it's the thing in the, it's a lot of.

• 7:01Speaker 05

  Dude, the ones all modular, the corner couch is like all modular. Cause I guess that's how they put it together. They can make, they can make the couch any size just by putting in modules. So of course, when we were trying to lift it to move the rug, every single piece came undone.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're not designed to be lifted together. You have to take them apart and then you have to, it's how they, it's how that works.

• 7:19Speaker 05

  Live and learn.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 7:23Speaker 05

  I mean, we tried to lift the whole thing at once and then all of a sudden I just had eight pieces of a couch. That might be an exaggeration. I had a lot of pieces of couch.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  I mean, I'm impressed that you were able to lift it all at once in the first place. I mean, that is, that is quite cool. And also I understand how you hurt your back.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, that sounds like probably the point where you hurt your back right there, if I had to guess.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Corner sofa, not meant to all be lifted by one person at once. Well, it was just Molly. My family ended up coming to help us put the new one in. Cause they were just like, oh, it sounds like you guys might need some help. And we're like, no, we're fine. And they came and helped anyway, but I did lift it myself a few times.

• 7:58Speaker 04

  Wait, were they already there? Did they hear you wheezing from down the road?

• 8:01Speaker 05

  No, they were really excited because they got us the new rug as like a Christmas present. So they were excited. They're like, it looks like it's been delivered. And we're like, yep, installing it right now. It's going better than you could think. And they're like, hmm, sounds like you need help. Yep. Please, dear God, help us. Oh, that sounds lovely. That sounds very nice.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  I thought you said no for the help. Now you're saying yes for the help. You're just making stuff up.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  Well, they said, we said no originally when this is the rug was being, ah, we can do it. And then whenever we removed the old rug and we were talking to them, we were like, yes, actually, please help us for the love of God, help us.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  All right. Well, you need to call them up and corroborate this because there's a lot of lies being thrown around.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is an evolving story right now.

• 8:39Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no, a lot of truth. Hold on. Yeah, she's telling the truth. Yeah. See, that was the truth though.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  You just got your mom on the line just waiting to talk to you?

• 8:48Speaker 05

  Mama Minion 666. Yep. Thanks, mom. Love you, son. Love you too, mom.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  I know she doesn't say that.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  Which part? Love you?

• 9:01Speaker 02

  I don't know, just part of that really stuck out to me. I'm not gonna.

• 9:05Speaker 05

  So if anything, my mom's at the stage of life where I don't know if everyone hits this stage, but she tells me she loves me a lot. The point where it's been happening for like a year and a half, but every time she says it, I'm like, something horrible's happened. What's wrong? Why, why would she tell me this? Why would she say these words to me?

• 9:21Speaker 04

  Why?

• 9:23Speaker 05

  She said period this time instead of exclamation mark. What does it mean? She's also the person who's like, hey, we need to talk and does the single K responses. My mom's a texting anxiety inducing nightmare sometimes, but very loving, very loving. Worst username of all time, but very loving.

• 9:38Speaker 04

  Well, we can't all have the greatest username of all time. I'm not saying it's mine, guys. I'm not. That's not what I was trying to imply. None of us here have the greatest username of all time. Anyway.

• 9:49Speaker 05

  Bob, what would your, does Rob have a username? Is she like mom's skirm or something? Like what?

• 9:53Speaker 02

  My mom have a username?

• 9:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  No?

• 9:56Speaker 05

  I know Mark's mom, that my mom, literally her username is mama minion 666.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  I thought that was a joke.

• 10:05Speaker 05

  That is a real username.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  I thought you were roasting your own username you made up for the bit.

• 10:10Speaker 05

  Nope. That is, that is my mother's username.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  That's tough.

• 10:14Speaker 05

  It is.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 10:16Speaker 05

  Anyway, that's my life.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  That's all right. That's very funny.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  New rug goofing.

• 10:22Speaker 05

  New rug. That's it.

• 10:24Speaker 04

  There's a lemon around.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  This guy limbs.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  Well, thank you for that. That was really informative. Um, Bob, how's your life?

• 10:32Speaker 02

  I'm currently in that stage, uh, post-move where there are wormholes forming, uh, and consuming and producing different parts of, uh, stuff that I know that we own. There is a box. It's the holiday season. We, we usually put out Christmas lights and I know that there is a box full of Christmas lights. I put out like a few, but not like all of the lights last year because we had just moved. Actually, that wasn't last year, but anyway, I was lazy. We had a baby. It was hard, but I know, I know that we have a box that was in the garage that's full of Christmas.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Lights and I have looked inside of every fucking box in the entire house in every room in every closet and every bedroom. The box and and it's not even like it got it. It was on a truck for like five minutes from the old house to the new house. Unless it fell out in the stretch of road. I I don't know what happened, but this is not the only thing that that's happening with. I meant that part of I don't know if this is a thing you guys get, but every time we move. There's shit where it's like either a thing you know that you packed that you know that you have. It's gone forever or something that you thought you got rid of like there is. I forget what it was, but there was something that I hadn't seen since we lived in California.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  So like I spent a few years where I was like unpacking a box and I pulled it out and I was like, holy shit. It's haunted. It came back to us like I put this in the dumpster and it climbed back into our box in the thing and like Toy Storyed itself back into our lives. Uh, so we're in that phase, which is kind of fun, but also where the I don't understand where the fucking Christmas lights are. It's time to put some Christmas lights out and I have not felt very good because my ears been all fucked up. And I I'm pretty sure that they just got sucked into a wormhole or something like some some mystery shit happened.

• 12:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, it really does sound like it. Um, but I know that stage all too well. Each time I've moved. I kind of have a different problem where it's like it goes into a wormhole, but then the wormhole opens back up in the middle of the ceiling. And just like drops all of my stuff on me and I'm reminded that I have way too much shit. I can't bring myself to get rid of it. Especially my sock drawer. I get all of the unused pairs that other people get lose in their laundry machine. It goes into the laundry wormhole appears in my sock drawer. I have socks I've never seen before in my life. Uh, it's it's absurd. So.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Dude, you never know when you're gonna need a micro USB to USB B type B.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  You never know when you're gonna need that cord, but it's gonna come up. And if you get rid of that cord, the next year and a half, the span of time, it's gonna happen. And you're like, man, I had one of those. I knew I should have kept it for decades.

• 13:21Speaker 05

  See, the problem is you eventually find it, or you eventually find that you need it. And then it's buried under all the other things like I'm eventually gonna need, and you never find it again.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  You know why USB B was made? Do you guys know why?

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Because someone had a device that was too narrow to put a USB A slot on. I honestly don't.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  It's literally their solution to the orientation problem. USB B, for those that don't know, it's the one that's kind of like rectangular, but the other way. It's vertically tall and got a weird notch in it. It's so you couldn't put it in the wrong way. And it is, it's fine, but nothing uses it besides printers. And printers are already the most useless piece of shit that you've ever used in your life. So of course they would use the standard that nothing else ever uses, ever.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  No, you know what? You know what I've run into that uses a lot of that shit? Audio gear. I've had multiple audio interfaces where it was like, it came with the cord, but it's like a three foot long USB A to USB type B thing. And I'm like, well, I need it to plug into my computer, which is way the fuck over there. I need like a 12 foot long version of this cord, which doesn't exist. But yeah, I don't know why printers and audio interfaces. And I actually do own an external hard drive that has a type B plug. But it's like the only one I've ever seen because most of the US, most of the external hard drives have that really skinny one. What is that called? I don't even remember. It's like the really skinny one where there's like a notch off center.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  It's like super, super, it's wider and skinnier, but it's a USB, but it's not a type A or type B.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  The two, the two side by side, but one's smaller, right? It's a, it's, it's, I don't know which one that is. That's a weird one. Yeah, but I know it.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  We've talked about this before, but whoever is inventing all the plugs and shit, just give up and let everyone use USB C. Holy fuck. God damn it.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  Until next year, whenever a new better ones invented. Printers used to be such an integral part of our lives, man. It's wild to think like, I've not used a printer in probably like six years.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Oh, man. Amy was about to rage. Throw this printer out the window because still to this day, it is not easier. They have not figured it out. They're still like, cause they, they restrict it because of people worry about people counterfeiting money or something like that, or, or documents or stocks or whatever. But it's just, it's absurd at how difficult it is to be like, okay, it's connected to the network. I have the app. It sees the printer. It's all good to go. Hit print. Paper jam. It doesn't work. Didn't get anything. There's no paper anywhere in there. It's like completely empty of paper. You shove paper in, it's like, yeah, yeah. Paper jam. It does meanwhile spat the paper back out.

• 16:05Speaker 04

  I don't know. It's just.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Dude, it's on purpose. We recently had to buy a new printer and I was like, I'm not buying some piece of shit. If I get a nice one, that means it will work, right?

• 16:18Speaker 02

  No such thing.

• 16:19Speaker 05

  That takes me back to working at the, um, the federal courthouse and the clerk's office and having to use the copy machine that broke at least three times a week. Cause when you're printing like court documents and court cases out, those are not small files. So it's like, you're just printing hundreds of pages every time anyone needs anything.

• 16:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:37Speaker 05

  And that fucking thing, I swear every 10 pages it jammed. And it wasn't always something we could fix. We had to call for help. It was the worst. It was the worst. I, I never want to deal with printers or copy machines ever again, as long as I live.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  All in favor of abolishing printers?

• 16:50Speaker 05

  Aye.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Aye.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  All right. Motion passes.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  That plug mark is a USB micro type B. Very thin, very wide one with the side by side bits. Of course it is. It's a micro B.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  It's a micro B. That's, that's good. That's very good. All right. Good joke. Good joke, man. Good joke. Hilarious.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Kroger. Fresh for everyone.

• 18:12Speaker 05

  This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. The holidays are the best. You get to hang out with the family, eat loads, drink eggnog and give gifts, which I'm getting gifts. It's always been the giving, I think.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  Are you saying we have issues, Wade? Do we not?

• 18:25Speaker 05

  I have issues. I can't speak as to we.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Well, who are you judging? Yourself?

• 18:29Speaker 05

  It's so easy to like subscribe to something, oh yeah, I'm gonna use this every day for the next 10 years. I'm gonna play this game, I'm gonna watch this, then all of a sudden, completely forget about it. Next thing you know, you've been paying for subscription for longer than you'd like.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Well, that doesn't make any sense. But you know what else might help? Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

• 18:55Speaker 04

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• 19:20Speaker 04

  All right, you ready to move on to the actual meat of the matter here?

• 19:24Speaker 05

  Oh, I want some meat?

• 19:25Speaker 04

  Oh, wait, I don't even remember the name of this one. Uh, Sam, or whoever's editing this, help me out by putting in the name of this game that this is a sequel to right here.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh. You remember that game that we played where I give you a quote and you make it shorter? We're doing that again. I've got more quotes and you've got more or less words.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  I've way less words. You have no idea how less words I have.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  Reverend at home, this game is pretty simple. I give them a quote. They're gonna take turns by removing a word or, or not, not just removing a word, making the quote one word less, but still comprehensible. They're allowed to change up the wording. They're allowed to, uh, change up the words themselves, the order. So long as the meaning of the quote is still comprehensible by the end of it, it can go all the way down to one word if the meaning is still comprehensible. I think some of these are more challenging than others to do that on. And then at the end, we'll have a special bonus round just to mix things up a little bit.

• 20:29Speaker 05

  Did we do one word at a time last time?

• 20:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, one word at a time less. So whatever the number of words in the quote, I'll read the quote to you. I'll read it again if you want, and then you'll start, you'll say the quote, but one word less. I'll define how many words and then you one and one. I think we allowed you to jump down. You could go shorter if you wanted to. Risky play, but I won't allow you to go too much farther. You can't go straight from the quote down to like three words. Uh, but if it, if it's like, if it's not exactly one word less, I'll be like, it can be at least less than the previous competitor. Sound fair?

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  Uh, heads is Wade, uh, tails is Bob to go first.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  What is it?

• 21:11Speaker 02

  That looks like tails to me.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  Looks like tails. All right, Bob, you're up first. Your quote is from the movie Psycho.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  I couldn't make this easy on you. See, I've never seen Psycho, so I didn't even know this was a quote in the movie. A boy's best friend is his mother. A boy's best friend is his mother. Seven words. A boy's best friend is his mother.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  All right.

• 21:41Speaker 04

  Whenever you're ready.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  A boy's best friend is mom.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  That's how you do it. That's good. All right. Wait till you. That's six. Skygoles. A boy's bestie is mom. Oh, that's pretty good. That's five.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  So I have to go four?

• 21:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, you could go four.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  You, boy. Mom bestie.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  I'll take it. Three? Do we have three? Boy bestie? Mom. All right, that's three. Can you do two?

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Am I allowed to set the scene?

• 22:12Speaker 04

  Yes, absolutely. Please, please set the scene.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  I'm standing, center stage, spotlight. All I'm wearing is a pair of boxers. Before I say anything, I drop my boxers, I hold my junk in my hand, and then I look at the audience and I go, "Mom bestie."

• 22:35Speaker 04

  I concede. Okay, all right, that's fair.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Right? It makes sense. That plays, right?

• 22:42Speaker 04

  Yep, I'll get it. I'll take it. I concede. I can't, I can't one word that. All right, you could, you could. I know you're so smart. You're so smart, but I'm giving him the point if you concede. I don't know that I could do it. Wait, are you ready for yours? Yeah, let's do it. All right. So this is from the movie The Graduate, another one that I have not seen, but I have heard this quote before. "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?" "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?" Nine words. There's a contraction in there with "your" and "aren't," so,

• 23:20Speaker 04

  "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?" Nine words. Give me eight or less. Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, eh?

• 23:33Speaker 04

  Trying to seduce me, eh? Yeah, that's good. That's a, eh?

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Eh?

• 23:39Speaker 04

  Eh?

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me?

• 23:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take that.

• 23:51Speaker 05

  How many words was that?

• 23:52Speaker 02

  A seven.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Oh, was that seven? I thought, Ms. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. You're seven. Sorry. You have six. You have to get six or less now.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  Mrs. Robinson want to fuck me?

• 24:03Speaker 04

  Funk?

• 24:04Speaker 05

  Funk.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  That's seven. That's-

• 24:06Speaker 05

  Mrs. Robinson want to fuck me?

• 24:08Speaker 04

  Robinson, oh, I thought you said you. Ms. Robinson want to funk me?

• 24:14Speaker 05

  Mostly fuck, but I had a horrible, weird roof of mouth lisp.

• 24:18Speaker 04

  I get the intention. I get the intention. It's borderline, but I'll accept it. That's six. Going for five.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Mrs. Robinson, but you're old.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I think in the subtext of that quote, I'm pretty sure that it was that-

• 24:39Speaker 05

  It's called nagging, you know, you're really- That was five words?

• 24:43Speaker 02

  That was five, yeah.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, that's five.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  Fuck me, but married?

• 24:49Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  I think that qualifies. I think it's close. It's close because who's married is a bit ambiguous, but if there was context, and I'm seeing this in my mind's eye of the movie scene that I haven't watched. I'm pretty sure it's-

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I get, okay, all right. Bob, can you do three?

• 25:05Speaker 02

  So I'm, I'm in a room, I'm saying this to Mrs. Robinson. I'm assuming, I'm not saying, yeah, so I said, yeah, okay, yeah. So I'm looking at her and I start going,

• 25:19Speaker 02

  "You? Me? Fuck?"

• 25:23Speaker 04

  If you're, if we're allowing the scene to be set, I think so long as the question is there, it's really the interrogative that we're, we're needing here, and I like that it's still there. I can still understand it. Wade, can you give me two?

• 25:37Speaker 05

  I'm sitting there across from Mrs. Robinson, sharing a glass of wine.

• 25:41Speaker 04

  Yes, alright.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  I take a sip, I look her in the eyes and say, "So adultery."

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Oh god damn. Yeah, that's great.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  I'm sitting across from Mrs. Robinson. We're enjoying a glass of wine. She looks at me and her eyes say, "I'm trying to seduce you." And I look at her and my eyes say, "But you're my friend's mom and my teacher." And she's looking at me and her eyes say, "Yes, and?" And I look her dead in her eyes that have said so much and I say, "Okay."

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Ah, no, that's, that's past the interrogative. I was with you all the way up until you agreed.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  She asked, she asked and I.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  The asking was the quote. You, you were so close. But I got the no word. It's.

• 26:48Speaker 04

  No, no, no. Alright, I'm giving it to Wade.

• 26:51Speaker 05

  I was with us, Bob, but I'll take it.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Whose side are you on?

• 26:55Speaker 05

  Ours.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  You want to do cumulative points here? Is that how this is gonna go?

• 27:00Speaker 02

  No, I was just trying to make sure he advocates for himself. I'll take, I'll take an easy win.

• 27:05Speaker 05

  Communal me when I think of communal points?

• 27:07Speaker 04

  Okay, uh, Bob, it's back to you. You are going to have a quote from, I'll give you, I'll give you a choice. You either get Forrest Gump or Planet of the Apes.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Oh, Forrest Gump.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  This is a long one. Mom always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Mama always said, "Life is, life was, like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Seventeen.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  I know. So we've done, we've done a seventeen before in the last round, I think.

• 27:42Speaker 02

  Alright. Mama always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you'll get."

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Sixteen. Technically, yes. I love it. Wade?

• 27:55Speaker 05

  Mama always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what's there."

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Alright. That's fifteen, that's good. Actually, that's fourteen. You never know what's there. Was that it? You never know what's there?

• 28:06Speaker 02

  That's what I said.

• 28:06Speaker 04

  Oh, you're down to fourteen. Okay, you skipped one. That's good.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Mama always said, "Life is a box of chocolates. What's gonna happen?"

• 28:19Speaker 04

  Thirteen, that's great. Okay, I got it, I got it, okay. Mama said, "Life's like chocolates." What's there?

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Oh, God, geez.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  All right, all right, all right. Okay, seven. I think it's still technically there. Mama said something. You know, you don't know. I like it. Seven. We've just jumped a bunch.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  Okay. Mama said, "Life's like chocolates. Choose wisely."

• 28:45Speaker 04

  Mama said, "Life's like chocolates."

• 28:48Speaker 02

  Oh, wait. Is that seven? I did seven, didn't I?

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Ah, so close.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  Damn it. Why can't I count to six?

• 28:56Speaker 05

  I think the longer ones are harder, because like, my brain's still also on the longer number.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  I had, I had a short one. I don't know if it counts, but I was just gonna go, "Mama love chocolates."

• 29:11Speaker 04

  I don't think it counts for the second part, but anyway. All right, well done, Wade. You're, you're pulling away with it. All right, so we've been going for thirty minutes. I want to activate our sleeper bonus round for an experiment. If it works, it'll be good. If it doesn't, we'll go back to this one. We're gonna do the opposite. I've got some short quotes here. I want you to add a word.

• 29:31Speaker 05

  Oh, fuck.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  Until it becomes unintelligible to the original meaning of the quote.

• 29:38Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Wade, you're gonna go first. Your quote is from The Shining, the pivotal moment when he axes his door, sticks his face and goes, "Here's Johnny!" Add a word.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  Here I, Johnny, am!

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  Wait, did I add too many?

• 30:00Speaker 02

  You added two words, but whatever.

• 30:02Speaker 05

  Sure, "Here I, Johnny, am."

• 30:08Speaker 04

  I can count that one.

• 30:09Speaker 05

  What do you mean? It's very obvious and clear. You know who's there. It's Johnny. He announced it.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Here I comma Johnny comma am.

• 30:19Speaker 05

  You know me and my commas.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  You love your commas. All right. Bob, are you gonna accept that? I'll, I'll accept it if you do.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  That's fine. That's fine.

• 30:27Speaker 04

  Give me five or more, I guess.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  Here I am. I'm Johnny.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  I like grammatically correct.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  Well, if we're, if we're just making sure that we know who Johnny is at the scene, I just want to stick with that theme.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  That is the crucial information, who it is and where they are.

• 30:49Speaker 05

  What was your quote again? What was it?

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Here I am. I'm Johnny.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  Here I am. I am Johnny. All right, six.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Johnny's here in the hole in the door.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  In the hole in the door. Good. Eight. That's great. Coming in the hole in the door Johnny is. What are you doing?

• 31:18Speaker 04

  The door. Why do you talk like that?

• 31:22Speaker 02

  Hey, he's unhinged at this point in the movie. He's, he's fully crazy.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  Was it coming in the hole in the door?

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:31Speaker 04

  All right. I think it was nine. I'm pretty sure Bob, if you accept that.

• 31:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Look out. I'm coming through the door. It's me Johnny. I got 11.

• 31:42Speaker 04

  That's 10. Oh, 11. It's me coming through the door. It's Johnny. I counted 10, but it's still more. He had got nine last time.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Oh, it might've been 10. I can't count for shit.

• 31:53Speaker 04

  All right, Wade, do you have more in you? We're getting a little far, but I think you maybe landed.

• 32:01Speaker 05

  Entering through the hole in the door. It is I, your man Johnny.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  It is I. I love your commas. Your, your friend?

• 32:11Speaker 05

  Your man.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Your man Johnny.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  13 technically. All right, Bob, yours to lose.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Oh, whoa. Hey, it worked. Look at that. A hole in the door. Ah, it's me Johnny. I'm coming.

• 32:28Speaker 04

  Oh, whoa, jeez, it works. It's like Morty.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Whoa, look out. What?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  I'm coming in. It's me, Johnny.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  Oh, man, I think it was like nineteen or twenty or something like that. Wait, I'm not sure what the number is, but got more?

• 32:51Speaker 05

  Dear wife Wendy Torrance, it is I, Jack Torrance, AKA Johnny, your husband coming in through the hole in the door. I've got an axe and I've lost my mind.

• 33:05Speaker 04

  Bah.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  I don't know why, but this time I'm gonna start with the axe coming through the door just to get my, get myself back in the scene. It's getting too silly.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  You will not guess what I just had to deal with with those fucking elevators. A hallway full of blood? What the shit? Anyways, babe, I'm here. It's me, Johnny.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  I think, yeah.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  Are we still communicating the message of the original quote?

• 33:39Speaker 05

  I don't know if the mood is the same, but man, the message is clear.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Does it still need to be scary? Cause?

• 33:46Speaker 04

  Wade, I'll leave it up to you if that feels in the same vein. I think I'd been inclined to give it. Can you surpass? I don't even know what the count is anymore, but I think it was more than yours.

• 33:56Speaker 05

  Oh, I've got this.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  All right, I'm ready.

• 33:59Speaker 05

  Wendy, I've been writing this book for what feels like months and getting nowhere. I'm losing my mind. It's been all work, no play, and I've not even gotten to talk to you. It's me, Johnny.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Why are yours like voicemails?

• 34:17Speaker 05

  If you need to call me back, my number.

• 34:20Speaker 04

  Now, Wade, I would love to accept that, but you missed a crucial piece of information.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Where he was, it didn't say, you said, it's me, Johnny.

• 34:32Speaker 05

  I did not say here.

• 34:33Speaker 04

  Where Johnny was.

• 34:34Speaker 05

  Johnny was riding, but where Johnny is.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  Where Johnny is, I think we lost it, which means.

• 34:40Speaker 05

  Wendy has no spatial recognition. She can't see me and know I'm there.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  She's around the corner. She doesn't even see him. She doesn't see him. She's up on the wall.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  He could be, he could be here. He could be there.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  Damn it. I forgot. It is I holding the axe that you see. Any kind of clarification would be great.

• 34:57Speaker 04

  Okay. In the, in the essence of trying to keep these episodes just a smidge shorter, I am going to call it there. That was very fun. But well done, guys. That was, that was very funny.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  I like, I like making them longer. I think that's an excellent twist.

• 35:12Speaker 04

  That was good. Again, Amy had that idea to.

• 35:15Speaker 02

  I was about to have quite the story for, for Wendy as to how, how I arrived at the bathroom and why it was me, Johnny, who was there.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  Look, I could do another one. I mean, I've got such a huge list, but if you want to.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Oh, we should just play this again. I like this game a lot. It's a fun game.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  Cool. We'll do this one more time and we'll mix it up with shorter. We'll do like a shorter and then a longer and, or two shorters, a longer. We'll, we'll play it up like that.

• 35:42Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 36:12Speaker 01

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• 36:43Speaker 04

  Okay, we have to call it there because busy stuff happening, you know, as always, but it's pretty soon here. And then obviously with Christmas break, I think this year is the first time we're actually going to take a little time off, right?

• 36:55Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  Do you know when we're doing that?

• 36:57Speaker 02

  December 26th, December 29th, and January 2nd are going to be the dates that we will not have episodes. So that is the day after Christmas, the Monday between Christmas and New Year's, and then the day after New Year's. So we're basically taking like almost two weeks off there. But then January 5th, which is a Monday, we shall be back.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, just so everyone knows, so there will be a small gap in episodes over the Christmas break. It will be necessary because all these editors have been overworked in terms of getting these episodes out last minute. So big preach to our editors and thank you so much to all our listeners. But to wrap this episode up, the points are as follows. Bob, the moving wormholes, you got a point for that. USB standards slash printer woes, talking about that with me. You got the mom bestie and you got here's Johnny in the game. Wade, you got lemming around. Can you do that? The sound you made before?

• 37:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, lemon around. Which part? Love you in response to Bob saying that doesn't sound like your mom?

• 38:09Speaker 04

  Very funny. So adultery, I thought was very funny. I give you a bonus point for that. In addition to winning Mrs. Robin, why did I write Mrs. Robin Hood?

• 38:20Speaker 02

  Close enough.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, close enough. And then chocolates. So you are going into the final round with five points. So it is four to five. Bob, Wade, Wade is in the lead with one.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Well, say you could add like quota the most like movies or TV, but I don't know that we do that that much.

• 38:38Speaker 04

  Let's do something a little out there. Let's say sneezed this episode. Let's say sneezed the most, just in case more than one person sneezed.

• 38:48Speaker 05

  Gotta start keeping some pepper by my desk.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta get, just make sure you get those sneezes in there. All right. But before we spin the fun wheel, we have to spin the wheel that usually lands on three.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  Don't be one.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  No.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  And it's three.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  It's almost usually three.

• 39:07Speaker 04

  You think the developers at this website know that we're using it and they wait your wheels in particular?

• 39:14Speaker 02

  They're fans and they're just like in here manipulating it like, he's got the wheel up. Let's see, let's make something funny happen.

• 39:21Speaker 05

  I hope so.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  Spin one of one.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  Best million dollar idea. I had the million dollar idea of letting all other forms of USB die and just allowing everyone commit to using USB C.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  I contributed no financial ideas whatsoever.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  That is technically Bob is correct in terms of the USB industry must be a million, at least a million dollar industry.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  I didn't pitch it as a million dollar idea, but I think that would be a million dollar idea. And I think everyone would really love whoever made that happen.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Plus that ties it up with two spins to go, which is scary for Mark. Let's do it.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Plus one to Bob.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  All right. It's been two of three.

• 40:01Speaker 05

  One of one, two of three. Can't just do a three title.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  And my ass.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Hey, there we go. Bob got it. He said my ass.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  It just says, say my ass.

• 40:13Speaker 05

  You said it twice.

• 40:15Speaker 04

  That is, that is what it is. And I, I, I knew we had some options that were like, you have to say something as soon as it lands. That's why I've always been very attentive of what they are because I've been waiting for it.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  This is the first time that's come up.

• 40:28Speaker 05

  I didn't even think about saying, I just thought about what it meant.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  Whatever you do, don't get a point. Don't get a point.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Don't call it a comeback. Spin three of five.

• 40:40Speaker 05

  Oh, we're all in our normal locations.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Oh, we're all in our normal offices.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  I mean, technically Bob is different, but.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  I mean, this is my new, this is where I will always be.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, we'll, we'll re-spin this one.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  Spin four of five. Got the slap.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Oh, man, you guys have made me laugh a lot.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  It was pretty funny.

• 41:00Speaker 04

  It was pretty good. I did.

• 41:02Speaker 05

  Adultery was my best moment, which is a weird thing to say out loud.

• 41:05Speaker 04

  I was about to go, uh, no, that wasn't the funniest moment.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Is that really the one you were gonna say?

• 41:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, cuz I gave an extra point for it.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  You did give a bonus point to that.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  There was one point where I actually like, like, hit the table laughing, but I, I can't remember if it was that or in the small talk. I don't remember. I just know if my best moment was so adultery. I don't know if I, I don't know what Bob's best is, but that was my best.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  There was a pretty good laugh cuz, uh, cuz Wade was like, and mom said, I love, says, I love you. And I was like, I know your mom doesn't say that. And technically Wade kinda got the laugh, but that was my joke.

• 41:41Speaker 04

  I think, yeah, I think it does go to Wade, which is, puts us in a precarious situation, us all in a precarious situation. Cuz that means it's six to six.

• 41:51Speaker 05

  Oh, God, we have to hope that we don't have time to build a one man show. I have to hope against this wedding on it now.

• 41:57Speaker 04

  All right, well, this is what, don't worry, it won't be that. We're going to the tie wheel. What are the odds?

• 42:05Speaker 02

  Hey, Wade, I sent you a chat just between you and me in the, in the recording chat.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Uh, so it needs to be Bob and Wade. Oh, that reset it. Fuck you, you fucking thing. It was like sixty-seven, I wanna say.

• 42:22Speaker 05

  That's sound, yeah, six, seven.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  It was more than that for sure cuz we, the last thing added a bunch. I think it was about there, like eighty-one before. And then you add, we add six percent.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  This is, yeah, well, this is degrees, right? So six degrees is like a couple percent.

• 42:41Speaker 04

  No, yeah, we add two percent each time, but that translates to a different number. Oh, why have we not written this down? Why is it in three hundred and sixty degree weights?

• 42:51Speaker 05

  I think early, I think low eighties sounds right.

• 42:53Speaker 04

  I think, yeah, and then we add from here. So I think it starts at eighty-one-ish and then we add.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Two percent of three sixty is seven point two. So like, I, if I add seven degrees.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  That should be about the right weight.

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Make it an even ninety, just to, just so any naysayers out there can't really say we're cheating anything. So that's a one quarter chance now.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Good grief.

• 43:15Speaker 04

  No way. Watch this. I'm gonna close my eyes.

• 43:19Speaker 05

  Oh, no. Still spinning.

• 43:23Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh my God. All right. Congratulations, Bob. I didn't see how close it was. Don't tell me. Tie winner, Bob. Way to go, Bob. Way to go. Big win towards there. Coming from behind to get the tie and the bonus points and then the tie wheel made you the victor. Congratulations.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Winner's speech?

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Oh, it's a great time to be, Bob. I thought this was a fun game. I like this game. Wade did really well today and kind of spanked me at the actual game, but who needs to win a thing to get the episode win? I don't need to beat Wade to beat him. I'll just win. That's what I like to do. I just like, I'll leave it up to chance. I've never been screwed over by a wheel or a coin flip. I prefer to leave things up to chance. That's the way I live my life. So I got what I deserved on this one and I expect I will continue to get exactly what I deserve as time goes on. And I have nothing but happy thoughts and lovely memories of all the times I've won and not been at all screwed over by wheel spins and other games of chance. So, no, I love it. Just great. Just great. I love it.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  All right. Well said. Loser's speech?

• 44:34Speaker 05

  It was hard fought. I gave it my all. I got the biggest laugh according to the points, but it just wasn't quite enough to overcome Bob's wheel luck. I'm sad about it. I'm upset about it. I'm depressed about it and I'm gonna need some, uh, some help from you boys to get over this. So adultery?

• 44:54Speaker 02

  For listeners who are not watching the podcast, Wade just pulled a cigar from somewhere off screen and now the cigar won't go out. It's a fake cigar and God knows the last time you put that thing in your mouth. I can only imagine how it smells.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  I just opened it.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  You opened it for that bit?

• 45:13Speaker 04

  The odor, what the odorers out there are reeling. Their cars are swerving all over the road.

• 45:20Speaker 05

  It's supposed to go off when your tongue's not on it. I'm a little concerned.

• 45:23Speaker 04

  All right. Well, thank you, everybody so much for joining this podcast. Uh, we are going to be on vacation, but not just yet. We've got another couple of episodes before then, but just so you know, the 26, the whatevers and the second, we're not going to be here.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Those are the ones.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  Twenty six and whatever.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  Twenty six, twenty nine, and the second. Those are the ones.

• 45:42Speaker 05

  Oh, I can't believe it's December whatevers already. Wake up, wake up. It's whatevers day.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  It's the whatevers of March. Oh, no.

• 45:50Speaker 05

  Be aware of the whatevers of March.

• 45:53Speaker 04

  All right. Well, thank you. Be sure to follow the podcast and then next year, oh, boy, howdy. Are we going to hit you with the content or something? I don't know. Anyway, Boba Host, next one. I've been your host for this one. Wade's been your loser for this one. May he have luck in the next. Bye, guest. Out.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  Watch new episodes on Spotify.

• 46:16Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love. For introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 46:46Speaker 01

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