Nah, I'd Lose

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• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  This episode is presented to you by Battlefield 6. Rip through the skies in an aerial dogfight. Demolish your environment for strategic advantage.

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• 0:49Speaker 03

  And with more maps, modes, and ways to rally your squad, Battlefield 6 is the ultimate all-out warfare experience. Available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S, and PC. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode: Messianic Mark Defies Dehydration, Then Makes Magical, Masochistic Moments. World's Dad Wade Watches Fishy Puss Cook, Tongues a Huge Shaft, and Summons Fiery Rings. Bonnie Bob Bonds With His Brave Boy, Gances a Legendary Gobble, Enrolls in the Endless, Sings Ragtime, And Shoots Shotguns. From a Good Hook to Salacious Swine.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  Yeah-ha-ha-ha-ha! It's time for... Nah, I'd Lose. Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  Hello and welcome back to Distractible, the show that definitely is not ending.

• 1:58Speaker 04

  I don't care what the rumors say. We're gonna be here for the rest of whenever we're here for, and nothing's gonna stop us. Right, guys?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  One of those two things is true.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  One of them. I won't tell you which one. I will. But later, at the end of the episode, you'll have to listen to find out. No skipping.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a hook.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll put the reason, or which one was true, at some random point in this video. I'm Mark, also known as Mark Blair, and I'm joined today by Bob and Wade, also known as My Skirm and Lord Minion777.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  That's us.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  I don't know why I threatened everyone with a pin, but that's us.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  I didn't feel very threatened. That was like high school basketball coach levels of threatening right there.

• 2:41Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, I felt pretty threatened, so might as well write something down. You, we all know Wade's not gonna get any more points than that.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta really hunt for reasons to give Wade points. We all know how this works.

• 2:53Speaker 04

  But how are you guys?

• 2:54Speaker 01

  About to say, man, doing pretty well. Life's good. Eating good. Well, I went to, oh, here, new passion moment. I know nothing about cooking. I'm not a cook. I'm not, I don't make a lot of food. I think I could do it, but I'm a perfectionist that would drive me nuts. If I ever leave Cincinnati, I need to meet the owner of Soto and see if he will let me franchise it somewhere else, because I can't live without it. I've gotten to the point now where I can't live without it, so I will open my own Soto.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  I don't think they, I don't think they do franchises of fine dining establishments.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  They need to for this one, because I can't, I can't leave, I can't quit it.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  Here's the thing. I was in Cincinnati for an occasion. I won't say.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  Details?

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm giving details right now. Amy and I, we went to Soto, because I had heard so much from it, from you, and Amy knew that Soto actually had a restaurant in LA at one point, and they couldn't make it in LA, so that one closed down, and then they moved to Cincinnati. Now, I don't know if that was COVID related. It could have entirely been. The food that we had at Soto was some of the best Italian food I've ever had. And I've gone to fancy schmancy Italian places that I don't usually like goat cheese. But that goat cheese on the bread and the toast, oh, it was amazing. Whatever the heck I had, the poper deli with meat was unbelievable.

• 4:18Speaker 04

  Every bite was delicious. I can say for certain, Wade is not exaggerating about, well, okay, he might be, he might be overselling it just a little bit, uh, but it is really good. It is very good. And I enjoyed my meal and it was, you know, of all the, the high end places I've gone to, usually the high end Italian places. And I haven't gone to many, many high end places, but I, I've been lucky enough to go to a few. All the Italian places have not been to my liking because the portion sizes were way too small. And it wasn't really good. I would have rather gone to Olive Garden and I know I, sometimes I have very simple tastes, but Soto was very good. And the prices weren't as exorbitant as I thought they would be.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  Nah, Cincinnati expensive, which is California cheap.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  Mm hmm. Yep. You know it.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  And Michael Douglas approved. I do not speak for Michael Douglas.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Why did you pick Michael Douglas then?

• 5:06Speaker 01

  It's always the name I go to. I don't know.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  He could have picked anyone and you picked Michael Douglas?

• 5:09Speaker 01

  His name lives rent free in my head. I don't know.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Michael Douglas is a fine pick.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  He's fine. I'm not saying you shouldn't, but like of all the celebrities that exist, that's just top of mind for you is crazy for me. He's not exactly showing up in a lot of stuff right now.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Him and Christopher Walken, go to names in my mind.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  Actually, I don't even recall you ever mentioning Michael Douglas in the past.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Oh, I do. Maybe not with you, but I do mention.

• 5:31Speaker 04

  Well, we've, we've talked pretty much consistently weekly for the past

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Years or so. I can't, Bob, do you remember him ever saying Michael Douglas?

• 5:41Speaker 02

  I don't have a specific memory.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Viewers and listeners, go back and find any references I've made of Michael Douglas.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  I feel like maybe once before he has maybe referenced Michael Douglas, but not like it doesn't stand out to me as much as he makes it seem like it should.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  My references would not stand out. Michael Douglas probably stand out. My references do not.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  What, was it just that you like Soto? Was that your, your update?

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, we went there the other night again. It was amazing. We actually had a different seat. I didn't know they had like a bar style seat, but there were like four stool seats at like the bar, right across where they make all the meat. And they gave us, um,

• 6:18Speaker 04

  Wait, they make the meat? They pull the meat out of the meat hole? What, what do you mean?

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Where they like, where they cut it up, cook it. I watched them prepare the meat.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  He doesn't know what a kitchen's called, Mark.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Well, no, but like

• 6:30Speaker 02

  This guy.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  The kitchen is kind of like divided. They have the, they have the, the meat side and like the pasta side.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  It's all kitchen, man.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  All the pastas were being made at this other end. And then there was a dude that every few minutes would yell, hands. And I, it took me a long time to figure out what he was yelling, hands. Where I was like, did everyone put their hands? Like, what do you do with ha- like hands? Move your hands so I can inspect? No, hands just meant someone who comes and gets the food to take it to the tables. Took me a long time to figure that one out.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  That's weird. They don't yell service?

• 6:58Speaker 01

  That was hands.

• 6:59Speaker 02

  Gordon Ramsay never said hands.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  I think they yelled hands at Soto.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  Did they say anything at Ichiban when the food was ready?

• 7:06Speaker 02

  No, the, it wasn't that fancy of a place. They put the food in the window. The waiters got the food out of the window. There was some communication, but generally no.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought there was a show being filmed because I was like, oh, they're inspecting to see how they're like, they're on a timer. Hands? It's like, huh, did they pass? And then someone would just come and grab food and leave. And I was like, okay.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  No, it's when, it's when the whole staff goes.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Hands? Yes, chef. Two, three, four.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  It's a whole number in the kitchen.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Oh, but I watched them, I watched them prepare and cook steak, uh, octopus, I'm pretty sure. There was, um, like a sea bass. The different kind of like, uh, toasted breads and stuff they would toss on like the grill for a moment. I, I watched a lot of foods get prepared. And when you're hungry, it's not like their food takes forever to come out because it doesn't. But when you're hungry and you're sitting there watching just steak get cooked and pasta go right past you, even for a few minutes. Man, does that amp up the like, I need my food now. I was very, very hungry by the time my capolacci came out.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  You see, most people, when they go to a restaurant, they like seeing their food prepared. It's like face weighed away.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  I wanted so, I was like, I don't even want this fish, but I want this fish right now. Give it to me.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Well, that's great. I'm glad. And so.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  If I ever leave Cincinnati, Mr. Soto, call, call me so I can, we can franchise you. Forget the movie theater. We can own a Soto.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  Do you, have you, you, you've ever had a food service job?

• 8:38Speaker 01

  I'm going to kidnap their manager and make him my manager.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  So this Soto is gonna fail.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  They'll just promote, they'll promote.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Wade doesn't care what kind of trail of devastation he leaves, as long as what he needs comes where he is. He does not care about anything else.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  You're gonna go far in this business, baby.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  This is a cut pasta business. Cut throat, no. This is a, this is a.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Cut goat cheese business?

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Yes, there is a goat cheese bread.

• 9:03Speaker 04

  It was very good.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  I've also been to this restaurant.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  That was more for, that was more for other people, not for you. I knew you.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Mark mentioned the goat cheese bread. That was a reference to Mark.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  That was actually one of the things I said.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  He said that. He said, oh, the goat cheese on the toast. So, alright, well.

• 9:18Speaker 04

  You'll lose a point.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  I listen to you, Mark. I hear you.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  I don't, I'm not afraid to say it. Bold point worthy even, maybe one might say.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Bold to declare you should get a point. That's bold.

• 9:31Speaker 04

  Well, I've already deducted one and I don't wanna be rude.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  He wasn't listening to me.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  And Bob, you got that point, so it went to you.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a two point sway. It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  And Bob hasn't even gotten to his small talk, so that's really changed things up.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Alright, Bob, go ahead. Let's see you piss off, Mark.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, make me mad. I saw a turkey.

• 9:55Speaker 04

  I hate turkeys.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  That was so big that nobody believed that it was a turkey until they inspected it for themselves. Took James to a fall festival, like a, like a farm, like, right? You know? It's just a big Midwest thing. It's like, oh, it's fall, let's do a corn maze and then go in the pumpkin patch and we'll have like, yeah, activities and stuff. And we went to this place. It was really fun. They had a bunch of cool playsets. The first moment we were there, I did have made a parenting mistake. They had this big thing that was just like a big hill. And you could run. It was sort of like a hill where you were supposed to clearly run from one side to the other. And there was like a path, but then the sides were very steep. You were not supposed to go up or down the sides. You were supposed to go over the path, like.

• 10:41Speaker 02

  And James started going up that and I was like, ah, that'd be a good picture. Cause I was like, I'm trying to take pictures. We're doing this fun thing with James. I want pictures of James. And so I was like, he won't be fucking crazy for 30 seconds. I can let him run up or down this hill really quick. So I let him go and I'm like, I'm just gonna go around and take a picture. And I like have my phone out about to take a picture. He's on the very top of the hill and he looks down at me and he just goes.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  It tries to like run down the steepest fucking, it took like two steps and then just

• 11:17Speaker 02

  piled at the bottom and it's, it's busy. This is right by the entrance. So there's a, there's a bunch of other people doing the hill and people and just at in the middle of all that James is just fucking eating so much. Just I just, I put my phone away, go and go and pick him up and he's like, I'm okay. Let's do this stuff. Like, cause he doesn't want to like go home. He was, he was fine, but it was so, I was like, he can do this, right?

• 11:48Speaker 04

  Did you get any of it? Like a photo collage of?

• 11:52Speaker 02

  God, I fucking, I wish I didn't even get all the way to like, I was like trying to get the camera open and I was like, huh? And then just, anyway, it's very fun, but they had animals there. They had goats and sheep and, and dogs and chickens and stuff. They had one turkey and I swear to fucking God, this must've been like a 70 pound turkey. It was so big. From a distance, all you heard was someone be like, that's a turkey? That can't be a turkey. Oh my God, that is a turkey. Oh Jerry, come look at the turkey. And like every next person, it was like, that's, no, that must be something. And we went over there and like, even I having heard all dozens

• 12:35Speaker 02

  of people all be like, that can't be a turkey. And we walked over there and James walked up and was like, oh, turkey. And I was like, wow, holy fuck. That's the biggest turkey I've ever, you know what? All those people were totally justified in how amazed they were at this turkey.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  You know the saying, if you have to ask, it's a chicken. If it's a turkey, you will know.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  But like in, uh, when we lived out in the Bay Area, there were lots of turkeys. Listen, I've seen lots of turkeys. I'm familiar with turkeys. Literally when we, uh, we were moving into our house out in the Bay Area, a group of turkeys just like wandered through our front yard. They weren't around and this turkey was easily three times as big as any turkey I ever saw in California.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Did you know a group of turkeys is called a rafter?

• 13:21Speaker 02

  I did not know that.

• 13:22Speaker 04

  I didn't know that.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Well, who would, who coined that term?

• 13:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, whoever named all the groups is really bad at their job.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  A group of turkeys is either referred to as a rafter or a flock.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  Well, I would go with flock. I feel like flock is at the top of that list.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  I would think so too, but rafter was the first thing.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  Rafter.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  A flock or a rafter, definitely not a gaggle.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  I, I know what you're saying about the turkey mark because generally it is true, but this turkey defied all turkey reason. Uh, and James thought it was real cool and I did get a picture and he didn't even fall down a huge hill or hurt himself while I was taking the turkey picture. So that was pretty fun.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  That's nice.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  The biggest turkey on record was in 1989. His name was Tyson and he was an 86 pound turkey.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  Now the company is named Tyson.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  That's why they surfed. That's why they're famous for chicken. A turkey started his own company and was like, kill those other birds. Not my people.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  We sell chicken nuggets, not turkey meat.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Butterball thinks they're gonna, they're gonna get us, but I started Tyson to show them. Butterball's run by just a bunch of chickens.

• 14:31Speaker 01

  Walk into the office, just a turkey with a big cigar sitting behind the desk.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  But all the other employees are human. It's not all turkeys. It's just the one turkey in charge of a bunch of human employees. It's funny.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  I want to point at something in your story here. When back when you were talking about James falling and Mark asked if you got the video of the tumble. You said, I wish. That's what happened to me with Molly. In hindsight, I wish I'd gotten that photo.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Nah, I knew that was gonna come up. I knew that was gonna come up. This was a specific instance where I was like, I would like a picture of my child because I never take pictures of him. People are always like, oh shit, well, do you have any new pictures of James? He's growing up so fast and I'm always. Like, ooh, I have a picture from like a year and a half ago. Is that cool? When he was like a baby who couldn't walk? Do you want to see that? Or I was literally like, I need pictures of him.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  No, I get that. The photo you took was fine. That wasn't, but it, but you did say you wish you'd gotten the video of him tumbling.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  If it had just been a thing and he had just fallen and I wasn't trying to take the picture, I wouldn't now be like, ah, I wish I'd got it on camera though. I'd be like, I can't believe he didn't fucking break his arm. He fell down a whole hill. He, and it's kind of worked out. I gotta say, I've thought about it. If I had been up at the top of the hill with him and he just went, I'm not sure what I would have done because I think my instinct might have been to be like, whoa, and like, but then I would have just fallen down the same hill because it's really steep.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  And then if you were both okay, hoping that you would be, I would have in hindsight wished I'd gotten that on video.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  I wouldn't, I wouldn't hope that. I would never think that.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  I typically am not the person to go to, but Yamcha pose on trash in hindsight was really funny. And baby tumbling when baby ends up okay, also kind of funny.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  All right, laughing at babies.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  It's more scary than funny. I've never lived with as much fear as I do now that any moment James is in imminent peril. I don't really give a shit if I get hurt that much. Like, like in cars. I've always liked cars and I've, when I was younger, I used to drive too fast, like probably more than I should have. Never once was I like, oh, I hope I don't die, which is stupid. And like, not as smart, but like, I never had that fear. Now every time we're in the car, I'm like, God, I hope nobody fucking hits us. James is so frail. He's tiny. It changes. It does change how I, or changed me how I think about stuff.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  I can't relate to the baby part, but the, the newfound fear of vehicles happened with the semi.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  I still don't really give a shit about myself, except that I know if something bad happens, if something bad happens to me, that means I won't be able to do what I am currently doing for James. Like if I get hurt, I'll be out of commission. Or if I die or something, I won't be around for him. I'm not really afraid of that for my own purposes, but that seems really unfair to James.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  Oh, you could have just let it happen.

• 17:17Speaker 04

  No, I caught that one. What was unfair to James?

• 17:20Speaker 02

  If I die, that would be really unfair to James.

• 17:24Speaker 04

  All right, you can't die if you win this, but if you lose it, you die right now.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  If I win this coin flip, do I gain invincibility?

• 17:33Speaker 04

  You do, yes. By the powers invested in the, in the constitution of distractible, you will become immortal. And then opposite that, you will die way sooner. I don't think I can kill you right here, but.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  Which one am I rooting for? Heads?

• 17:47Speaker 04

  Heads means you will be immortal.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  Guys, if you could get heads on this, of all the coin flips I've ever lost.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  I'll do my best.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  If we could get heads on this one.

• 17:55Speaker 04

  All right, here we go.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  It's heads? I did it.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  No way.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Oh, is that heads?

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, the ladies heads, the ladies heads.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  He's immortal, everybody!

• 18:08Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm immortal.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Congratulations, dude.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  I got, I gotta write that. How do you feel it?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  I do feel better. My back doesn't hurt anymore.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  You were so right, that would be unfair to James, that now it's, you're so right.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  That would be so unfair, and, and so I'm immortal now.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  Okay, then.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  I still, I have to, I wish I had a better coin. Yeah, lion is tails on mine, and I got lady, lady is heads.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  I'm just glad we had your back. We're such good friends, Mark.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I tried really hard and it worked.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  If I actually did gain immortality from that, that makes up for all the other coin flips I've ever lost. I'm not even mad about it.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Until the world explodes and you're left alone as the last living person.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Karmically in the universe, that makes total sense.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  It does, it does. Okay, well, congratulations. I'm obviously giving you an immortality point for that. Uh, cause if there ever was a moment, uh, but don't worry, Wade, I gave you a point for laughing at my joke.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  It was one single chuckle, but I, I counted it.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  I know how that feels. But yeah, no, Bob, I can relate to, I can't relate to the parenting part, but I, I love me, and the world would be at a loss without my humor if I were to die. So like, I feel like I owe it to the world to treat myself safe. Cause I'm raising all of them.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. You're like the world's daddy.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, dad, I don't think I'm daddy.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  Wade considers himself a big daddy.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Small talk for me, I guess. I've been, okay, you know how I always am like, I got a big sweeping realization about my life, how I've been doing things wrong? Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Sure, sure. Every time we talk.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Have I talked about how I have an egregiously high salt intake and I, well, I licked the lamp, right? So I like salt. Talked about before. I, I think I've been chronically dehydrated all of my life and never have taken in enough water because I was doing some research.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  That's impossible.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  That's a funny joke, man. I'm laughing again.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  That's a joke. All right. You know what?

• 19:59Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  Times two. Oh, hell yeah. That makes up for my last point.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  So, I mean, my salt intake is egregious and my blood pressure's been fine. So it's not really I'm doing this for that reason or anything, but it's, it's more just, I realized how little water I actually drank. I drink water, a cup of water in the morning when I take my medication. That's the only cup of water I was drinking. I had a cup of coffee, you know, and jury's out on whether that actually hydrates you or not. Uh, I have like carbonated diet sodas. I have carbonated waters, but mostly I was getting like maybe three or four cups total liquid every day, right? And that's not usually what they recommend. Now the recommendation from doctors, you know, there's the people that are like, drink as much water as possible.

• 20:47Speaker 04

  Now the recommendation like 35 to 40 milliliters per kilogram of body weight, which for me is about three to three and a half liters, um, what I would need in terms of liquid.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Hold on, 30 to 35 milliliters per kilogram?

• 21:03Speaker 04

  35 to 40. So anywhere in that range is, I think the scientifically recommended amount of water that you should be getting, or liquid you should be getting in your day. That includes like watery foods, soups, you know, I think they even include coffee in that, but three liters is a big jump from what I was doing, right? And it makes sense that I was able to do this because my salt intake was so high. Therefore my cells have a lot of salt in them and therefore it holds on to water. It's hard for the water to leave. It flows towards the higher salinity gradient. You've seen the thing with the soy sauce packet in the water. Water goes into the soy sauce through the permeable membrane. Anyway, so

• 21:43Speaker 04

  I've started drinking four of these. These are 40 ounce with ice. It's about like 30ish something ounces. I've never peed so much in my goddamn life.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  It never stops. I'm like, I put one of these, I, I am peeing more than I'm taking in, which apparently makes sense because the salt is slowly going out of my cells and like, I don't feel any better yet.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Oh, I was gonna say, you probably feel a lot better, right?

• 22:12Speaker 04

  No, I don't. I don't feel any better. I feel no different, other than I'm peeing all the time. I've gone to the bathroom so much more than in my entire life. Every hour I have to go to the bathroom. But they say it takes like three to four weeks for you to start to become adjusted to it. The thing is also, I was never thirsty. I, I, I very rarely am I like, oh, I'm thirsty, I'll drink water. So I've been, this is my second one of these today, so.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  I'm apparently supposed to drink nine 500 milliliter bottles a day, according to your.

• 22:44Speaker 04

  How much?

• 22:45Speaker 01

  Nine of these bottles a day.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  You need four and a half liters?

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Apparently.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  What was the, what was the recommended amount?

• 22:52Speaker 04

  It's like 35 to 40 milliliters per kilogram.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  So I'm about 100 and we'll call 115 kilograms times 40, right?

• 23:01Speaker 04

  That's the upper end, yeah. Damn.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  And you divide that by, this is a 500 milliliter bottle.

• 23:06Speaker 04

  You're a big guy. Yeah. It's like, it's, it's supposed to be more if you're exercising. So I used to think that people were crazy, like you need two gallons a day. And that might be crazy, but like, that's basically, that's more than a gallon you need. I need right about a gallon, apparently.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, 250 pounds is about nine bottles of water a day.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  Yeah. So I'm waiting for all the amazing health benefits and mental clarity to kick in, but all my mental, my mental thoughts are only occupied with, I have to pee, I have to pee.

• 23:35Speaker 04

  That's all I've got so far. So I'll report back next week when my equilibrium equalrealizes.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Wait, I, I have other small talk. This is, um, this is actually, it's because you were talking about health stuff. This is an update. So this is way the hell a long time ago now, but we did an episode where I talked about how. Stressful and sort of traumatizing the James's birth was and especially around Mandy's health and issues that she faced before, during, and after actually giving birth. James is almost three. James will be three in December. Mandy, just this past week, got an iron infusion and it turns out she's been having all of these postpartum issues, including like panic attacks and other like really serious issues that are potentially

• 24:27Speaker 02

  all, if not many of them, were caused by like critically low iron, like literally just zero iron in her body. She thought that just having the baby just like changed her hormonal chemistry or changed her body, or she was having, she was feeling more anxious because having a kid does make you feel kind of anxious in different ways and stuff. Like it's potentially literally all related to low iron. And she asked me to bring this up just to say to all of the women that are listening and especially if you currently are or have been recently, or if you just think that any of the stuff that Mandy dealt with sounds familiar to you, get your fucking iron checked. It took her multiple doctors

• 25:11Speaker 02

  to find a one who would even do the tests that she was like, I think I have low iron. Like I have all these symptoms that are happening and, and like, and the doctors would just be like, nah, you're just, is it your time of the month? Well, calm down, calm down, woman. And like, not maybe that explicit, but none of them gave a shit. And then she finally convinced her current doctor, who still didn't give a shit, to do the test. And the test came back and it was like, you have zero iron and zero ferritin in your body. And the doctor was kind of like, oh, okay. I'll refer you to like a hematologist or whatever. That's fine. Um, so any women out there, if you feel like you have, if you look into any of the symptoms and accompanying side of, uh, whatever, accompanying things that come with low iron.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  And you feel like maybe you have low iron? Get a test and tell your doctor that to not be a dismissive asshole that you would like a test to see if your iron and specifically your ferritin are low because they can have all kinds of crazy side effects, including Mandy literally never had panic attacks before in her life and had panic attacks because of low iron, like date, like crazy low iron, like zero out of whatever. It's supposed to be like 100 and it was a zero on the test result. And we could apply to guys too, but this is for reasons, I think anyone who understands how women's anatomy works even slightly, that might be obvious. This is a thing that applies generally more to women, especially women who are pregnant, have been pregnant,

• 26:36Speaker 02

  giving birth. Also, you lose a lot of blood, but it's just, just an interesting fact. Mandy wanted everyone to know, uh, get that checked because apparently not having iron can cause all kinds of side effects and can make you think that you have all kinds of other diseases that you don't have. Uh, but if you just get an iron infusion, which she did, she immediately started to feel better. After the first day, she felt kind of sick from the infusion, but, uh, interesting tidbit. Check that out. Good to know. Point to Mandy.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  I also wrote for the point, iron within, iron without, which is a 40k joke.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  Iron infusion, best way to get iron? Or was there a way you can increase your iron?

• 27:13Speaker 02

  Well, so there are supplements, but iron supplements are really hard on your stomach. And Mandy has always had trouble with nausea from like, she's very sensitive to oral medication in general. And so she, she tried to take the iron supplements orally and like was so sick that she didn't eat for a couple of weeks and was like almost bedridden for part of it. So, uh, that wasn't really an option. Although the only other way I know of to get iron is through food, which she does do, but like the iron supplement is it's like 50 milligrams of iron or something, or a hundred or something. The most high iron food you can get is multi-grain Cheerios have like 18 milligrams of iron in them. But all

• 27:54Speaker 02

  the other food that people are like, oh, it has a lot of iron. They have like three milligrams of iron. You have to eat an actual five gallon bucket of spinach. To get a meaningful amount of iron from eating spinach or whatever all this. So if you have like Mandy, like seriously low iron, like dangerously low, causing the side effects and iron infusion might be the way that they go if the other options don't work for you and eating, getting it from food was just not substantial enough for her to recover from being completely bottomed out on her levels. But yeah.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Well, good to know. Good to know.

• 28:37Speaker 05

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• 29:07Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah, we all need that sometimes and Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door and because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  To them or the FBI? I'm not 100% sure.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up or there's a will, we're on our way. Uber on our way. Download the app today.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  All right. That was a long small talk, but I liked all of it. So you guys got a lot of points out of that.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Water and iron.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Water and iron. It's the weirdest World of Warcraft faction. Rock and stone.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  All right, we're gonna move on from that. This.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Segway point?

• 29:57Speaker 04

  No, no, no. All right. I want, I'm gonna set the scene. I did a little creative writing here and I'm gonna, I want you to guys to really feel in the moment of what we're about to do here. Okay. Imagine you're in a dark hallway. You give your wife one last hug. She tells you she made the bet, just like you asked, but she's choking on the words, just crying. You nod solemnly knowingly and you say goodbye for the last time. You leave. It's hard to do so, but you leave. You turn around. You step onto that platform.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  You hop right up there and then the lights go out, plunged into darkness. You're sent, shoom, up, rising the platform, rising, rising. Suddenly, blinding lights all around you. The crowds, they're cheering, cheering on for the bloodbath that is about to occur. You look around. When your eyes adjust to it, blink, lick your eyeball, surrounded by water. You're on a big platform in the center. There's pillars on the outskirts. You're a frog and your opponent on the other side, a fly. Your wife made a bet against you losing this match. And if so, your family will be set for life. Welcome to Nighed Lose.

• 31:25Speaker 04

  This is actually, someone on the server has said this. They mentioned it casually, I think. So I was like, that would be funny. So it's exactly like Nighed Win, except you're trying to die. You will repeat the same actions because you will just have an onslaught of flies that are coming after you. If you, if you miraculously don't die from the first fly, which you will have to get your D20s out because you're gonna be making rolls. It's the exact same setup. You need, it's gonna be like a 20 at first. You will make up your actions to lose this fight. You'll do whatever it takes to lose it. You gotta lose and it's gotta be in the match because otherwise they're gonna know something's up.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  So you gotta make it organic and your death has to be believable.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Okay, are we wanting to roll twenties or ones?

• 32:16Speaker 04

  You're trying to roll a twenty. Oh, wait, yeah, let's invert it. So you gotta roll a one to lose this fight. That's a good, that, that's good, that's good, that's good. It starts at one and then every action that is believably bad to get you to that death that you oh so crave, you'll get another plus one on your roll, minus one on your roll, actually. We'll do it that way. All right. Heads, Bob goes first, tails Wade. Boink. Heads again for Bob. It's his lucky day.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  All right.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  Four heads for Bob.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Bad game to be immortal, huh?

• 32:50Speaker 01

  All right, Bob, what's your first attempt?

• 32:53Speaker 02

  I don't take in any information. I don't survey what's around me in any way. I lock on immediately to the fly and with every ounce of strength that I have, I leap at the fly with my mouth open to try and literally just like, ow, like go reckless abandon, full kill mode, just like a missile, straight at the fly. Have it held. Who gives a shit where I land? We'll see what happens.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  All right, and then it roll.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  I rolled a twenty.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  That would have been hilarious and I'd win. That would have been really funny. Uh, yeah, it, it works. You, you got him. He was so scared, that fly didn't even fucking move. It was just.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Luckily, there's gonna be another fly that pops up because it's, they knew it would be an unfair fight, so there's actually a whole plethora of flies just waiting, waiting to, uh, enter the arena. Uh, but Wade, it's your turn and you will repeat the actions that the previous did.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  All right, elevator comes up. I don't look around. I see the fly. I lunge, jumping straight for it. I land. Quickly take a look around at these pillars. I wait for a fly to just pass a pillar. Shoot my tongue out, wrap it around the pillar, and yank myself in as hard as I can to concuss myself against the pillar.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Intentionally?

• 34:29Speaker 01

  Intentionally trying to knock myself out.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  You gotta make this believable. You gotta make me believe you're trying to fight.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  The fly had just flown past.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  Okay, alright. You're pretending you're aiming for the fly. Okay.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Maybe I'm trying to yank the pillar onto the fly.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  Okay, okay, I gotcha, I gotcha. Okay, roll. I'll give you a plus one for that.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Minus one.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Eight. Alright, seven. Uh, you pull real hard, you yank the pillar, it comes crumbling down, you're so strong, crushes the fly, you actually do a cool flip and land on one foot. The crowd is loving this. They are going. Frog!

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Bob, we're selling it, we're selling it, Bob.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've never sold so hard in my life. Alright. The elevator comes up, I lock onto the fly, launch myself like a missile. One fly down, I land, I wheel around, I see a fly just flying towards one of the pillars, just, and I pretend like I'm trying to get the fly, but I wrap my tongue around the pillar, and pull it towards myself, and it falls over, and I flip really cool through the air, and for some reason I land on one leg all crazy. The crowd is going fucking wild. And I have the stadium guy ready to go, and he plays my, he plays my, uh, victory song. And it's that song from that Disney movie where it goes, "Hello, my darling, hello, my sweetheart, hello, my right-time gal." And I got that dance that the frog does where it's like the frog can-can.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  And I'm showboating and paying no attention to the next fly who's definitely gonna get me.

• 35:57Speaker 04

  I gotcha, that's great. Minus one for not paying attention to your surroundings. Go for it.

• 36:05Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  I rolled a 14. God dang. Okay, well.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  All right, 12. Well, uh. Hello, my baby. Hello, my. You fucking kick that fly into the stratosphere. You killed on an emote. The crowd is fucking losing their mind. This is the greatest death match they've seen in years.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  We might be the best frog ever.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  This is unbelievable. Your wife is very nervous right now, and all the debt you owe to all the gangster frogs are just like, they're starting to get real mad. Uh, so you're, uh, you're, you're alive and, uh, I'm guessing your song is done or unless it's still going. Wade, you'll decide if it's still going.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  All right. Elevator comes up. I pop out. Don't look anywhere. Lock onto the fly, mouth wide open, jump for it. Land, look over, see the pillar, wrap my tongue around that baby, yank it down, smash, jump up. Land on one foot, all cool like crowds going fucking wild. I grabbed my top hat, came. Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime gal. Kickin' my legs like a fucking madman. And then I jump up in the air, mouth agape, looking for a big swarm of flies that I'm gonna try to just barely miss and land. Mouth open on the ground, hoping to split my face in half.

• 37:27Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 37:30Speaker 04

  All right, minus, we're up to minus three now.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  There's a one.

• 37:35Speaker 04

  Five.

• 37:39Speaker 04

  All right. Yeah, so, uh, you actually caught the other fly platform that had just raised, cause they were trying to even the odds. You were just destroyed the first two. Uh, so they sent a whole like school bus swerve. Not school bus, but you know, like a, like a group.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  A rafter of flies?

• 37:58Speaker 04

  A rafter of flies came up here. They're little fly life vests are like, okay, all right, we're gonna show. Oh, just right in there. You do land on the ground. It kind of hurts a little bit, but you know, it didn't do any permanent damage.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  A group of flies is either a swarm, a cloud, or a business?

• 38:17Speaker 04

  It was a business of flies.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  It was a business of flies.

• 38:20Speaker 04

  So Bob, your turn is starting. You are mouth like fully splayed out on the ground, perfectly T shaped hands, mouth stand.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  The elevator comes up. I launch myself like a missile, mouth open and get the first fly, land, wheel around, see the fly going by the pillar, wrap my tongue around the pillar, pull it over, fling myself into the air, do a cool flip, land on one leg. Hello, my baby. Hello, my darling. Hello, my right time gal. Do the whole emote while I'm emoting. Kick a guy, fly way the hell out of into space. After that, for some reason, I decide I'm gonna nosedive at the earth as violently as possible. And while consuming the entire business of flies that just came up out of the elevator, I land mouth open like a spring trap, ready to, ready to snapshot on my next victims.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  And I decide there's been a lot of action. There's been a lot of showboating. It's time to draw everyone in. I'm gonna chill it out. And I'm gonna make, I'm gonna play the Venus flytrap move. I'm gonna stay there with my mouth on the thing and I'm gonna make the flies think like, oh, he's hurt. Oh, this is our chance. And I'm gonna try and lure them in. And then when they get close, I'm gonna just try and like snap them.

• 39:38Speaker 04

  Okay, all right. Is that trying to lose?

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I'm giving them an opening, right?

• 39:43Speaker 04

  Okay, you're giving them an opening.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  I'm gonna act like I'm gonna get them, but I'm, I'm letting them get a whole business of flies, get an opening in, and then I'm gonna try and fight back, but it's gonna be pretty half-hearted, right?

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Okay, gotcha. Okay, got it, got it, got it. Okay.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  And the whole crowd is gonna be like, oh, you control. And then you suck the air out of the room.

• 40:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, all right. Okay. All right. I'll give it to you.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Minus four then?

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Minus five. You're at minus five.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Now the five would work.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Come on. Come on.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Roll 12.

• 40:14Speaker 04

  Your, your tactic, uh, you were so scary. The first, literally 10 seconds of this match was just utter annihilation. No fly is going towards you. They are so scared. But there is now a ring of flies that have entered the arena, but they are just around you like, "He's not moving. Uh, what do we do?" So they're preparing. They're, they're there. And they're ready for something, but they're too scared to attack you. Wade?

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Elevator goes up. I launch myself at the nearest fly, mouth agape. Land. Look for the nearest pillar. Tongue out. Pull it down. Fucking fling myself up. Land on one leg. Looking all badass. Grab my top hat, Kane. Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my ragtime girl. Jump up like a fucking missile, mouth agape, go straight down to land. Mouth open. I wait for the flies to come and swarm in. Whenever they get close, Venus fly trap them, which I do successfully. And then I jump up, rip off the arm sleeves of my tuxedo. And I say, "Let's amp this baby up."

• 41:27Speaker 01

  And I pull the chains of doom that unleash the rings of fire in the alligators. And then I start fucking bouncing on the alligators' mouths and through the rings of fire thinking, "One of these fuckers is gonna kill me." As I go for the flies.

• 41:43Speaker 04

  Holy shit. Alright, so the river's on fire. The river's on fire. There are alligators released. You have torn your sleeves off?

• 41:52Speaker 01

  I'm wearing my tuxedo jacket for the hello my baby bit, right?

• 41:55Speaker 04

  Right, yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Alright, so now it's a six or, I need, it's a minus five, right? So a six?

• 42:03Speaker 04

  Minus, it's minus six right now.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Fifteen.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  All right. Man, greatest show the audience has ever seen in their fucking life. Gasoline spills onto the river, lights on fire. You've got your oiled up gators with an oil that's flammable resistant. You're bouncing on all of them, dooing, dooing, like Donkey Kong in the alligator levels. Boing, boing, boing, boing. And meanwhile, the flies are so mesmerized, mesmerized, they are sitting ducks for you. They get caught up in the flames, alligators snapping flies left and right. And meanwhile, you are just bounce around, you land in the middle of all the fire. It's Superman landing. So, uh, there's, there's not many flies left. Bob, can you lose?

• 42:52Speaker 02

  The elevator comes up. I launch myself like a missile, mouth open, get the first fly, cool landing, turn around, fly and go by the pillar, wrap my tongue around the pillar, pull it down. While I pull it down, I fling myself into the air, do a cool flip, land on one leg. Uh, hello my baby, hello my honey, did right time, whatever. I don't know the words to that song, why did I pick that?

• 43:14Speaker 02

  After I do my showboating and I kick the one fly into space, I launch myself straight up and come straight back down, mouth open, boom, land like a, like a bear trap, but face the wrong way. And then I wait and the flies line up around me and then I, they don't do anything. And then I tear the sleeves off of my tuxedo and then I pull the chains of doom,

• 43:38Speaker 02

  which unleashes the river of fire and all of the alligators. And then I'm like a little ninja, just like, wah, boom, through the mouths of the alligators. We're running low on flies. I know I'm gonna have to do something really crazy. And I decide what I'm gonna do is I wanna eat, I wanna cook my last few flies, uh, like a kebab. And what I need to do is land in the mouth of one of the alligators and rip off one of their longest teeth and then get the flies on the tooth and then roast them over the river of fire before I eat them, just to make it a whole show for the people.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  So I'm landing, so I'm trying to get the tooth, that's my move. I land in a mouth of an alligator and I'm like, I'm gonna try to like rip a tooth out.

• 44:23Speaker 04

  All right, yeah, that is gonna be very dangerous. You're at a negative seven. Is this gonna be the one?

• 44:30Speaker 02

  I wouldn't, I couldn't roll another 20.

• 44:33Speaker 04

  Couldn't possibly.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  That one!

• 44:39Speaker 04

  All right, as you are split-legged Van Damme-style in between the alligator's mouth, pulling on its tooth, you look up one last time at your wife, knowing that she placed a bet for you to lose via consumption in the eighth round to a hazard, which was like the best bet you could possibly, highest odds ever. It was like, there's no way it would happen.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Plus 3,000 odds on that bet.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  You look at her, she blows you, kiss, and you don't blow one back because I'll blow your cover. Your leg's snapped in half and you get snapped and you get eaten. Boom, done. And then the alligator gets consumed in the fire, so there's no evidence of your body. Congratulations, Bobby, you lost! You're dead!

• 45:26Speaker 02

  I did it. I knew, I just want to say, I'm glad to take that round. I had, from almost the very beginning, I had thought up that the frog mobsters that I owed money to were somehow gonna be worked into the story and they were gonna tell me that I'll live to rebit this. Because like, live to regret it, live to rebit it. I couldn't, I didn't, I couldn't find a way to get that in there, but like, this is going away, so I just wanted to get that out of my head, or I would have been holding on to that for the rest of the episode.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  I'm glad you were able to clear your conscience of that.

• 46:34Speaker 04

  Uh, okay. All right, man. We were, man, I only have time for like one more.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  That would take a while.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  All right, I got, I got this. You're sitting at your kitchen table, looking at the piles and piles of bills around you. You have no idea how you were gonna take care of this, but you finally came up with a plan. You're not gonna let those goddamn loan sharks take your land, your home that's been in your family for years and years and years, nor your farm. You write your letter to your insurance agents, saying, "Dear Penthouse Insurance, I can't believe what's going to happen to me in case I die. I paid a lot of life insurance." You send the letter, you grab your shotgun, hop in your thresher, you drive that bad boy

• 47:25Speaker 04

  down to the barn, hop out, lock eyes with that damn pig with that rolled up blanket that he can't be without, and you're gonna make it look like a horrible industrial accident or mauled by the pig, or whatever have you. There's not gonna be multiple pigs, so you gotta like figure out how to die in a perfectly believable way for the insurance to, to do something about it.

• 47:53Speaker 01

  Who goes first?

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Switch. Go first.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  All right, I get off my tractor.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  Thresher.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  I grab my audio, I got my thresher, grab my audio recorder and hit record. "Dear Abby, I can't believe this is about to happen to me." And I go and I set some bear traps for the pig. I'm gonna lure this pig onto the bear trap. "Oh no, I left my shotgun on the other side. That's okay, I'll just cross over and get it. I'm agile."

• 48:23Speaker 01

  And I run across the bear traps.

• 48:30Speaker 04

  Insurance code, he's gonna believe this one. Alright, rule.

• 48:34Speaker 01

  Incoming nat one. Seventeen.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Alright, you step over the bear trap.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  That's it.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  Go off. Bob?

• 48:49Speaker 02

  My turn?

• 48:51Speaker 04

  You still have the audio recorder.

• 48:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. I stepped down from the thresher. I get out my audio recorder for some reason and say, "Dear Abby, I can't believe what's about to happen." And then just ignore that for the rest of eternity.

• 49:07Speaker 02

  Go into the barn, lean my shotgun against one wall, set out some bear traps for the pig, and then realize, "Oh, I'm on the other side of the bear traps for my shotgun." And very safely walk around the bear traps and go get my shotgun. And then I'm like, "Ah, I know what will cause, I don't know how I'll get the pig to step into the bear traps." "I'll shoot my gun into the air." And I take my shotgun inside the barn and I, without looking at anything or thinking, I just go,

• 49:38Speaker 02

  and knock my headphones off so I can't hear.

• 49:43Speaker 02

  I just fire it around and see what happens. Hopefully there are no lanterns full of flammable oil or anything.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  So your objective is to spook the pig into causing your demise. I see.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, scare the pig into the bear traps.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  Alright, minus one.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  That's an eleven.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  Alright, so you go, pig goes,

• 50:08Speaker 04

  resumes making sweet love to its blanket. It really loves that blanket. Betsy, Betsy, sorry, Betsy.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  Well, how could you forget such a classic?

• 50:19Speaker 04

  Alright, so there's two holes in the roof and you're, uh, I'm guessing it's a double barrel kind of shot situation.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, so it's like a break action shotgun.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Both shells are spent currently.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  You'll need to reload if you want to shoot it again.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  I dismount the thresher. I grab my tape recorder, which I will definitely be utilizing as evidence throughout this entire thing. And say, "Dear Abby, I can't believe what's about to happen to me." "Gonna get rich." "I placed my bear traps."

• 50:49Speaker 01

  That was in my head.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  That's rewriting history.

• 50:52Speaker 04

  No, you said, you said. Into the recording.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Now I said the recording. I go and I place my shotgun down, placed a bunch of bear traps and I say, "Oh, I forgot my shotgun. That's okay. I'm agile." I run around the bear traps very safely. Get my shotgun. I think to myself, "I can scare it." I say to myself out loud, "I can scare this pig into the bear traps." Boom, boom, fire my shotgun twice into the air. Ah, made two holes in my roof, but didn't scare the pig around. I know. I'll get Betsy. That'll lure the pig. So I grab Betsy. Oh, I've also got to carry my shotgun and reload it. I better put Betsy on my back. Whoops, dropped my bullets. I bend over with Betsy on my back, right with my face above the, the bear traps, thinking,

• 51:38Speaker 01

  "Piggy comes in for the hump. Facey go trap."

• 51:43Speaker 04

  Facey go trap? Are you saying all this into the recorder?

• 51:46Speaker 01

  No, no, that's, that's just for you.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  I love the recorder because it just destroys any credibility that this is an accident.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  You're bent over with Betsy on your back. For the memes. Yeah, of course. Who's Abby?

• 52:07Speaker 02

  It's a column you can write into. Dear Abby.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  I was like, what's the opposite of penthouse four? Probably Dear Abby. I got you. Okay, all right. A six is not gonna do it. That's a four. Not gonna do it. No. Okay, so, uh, the pig, uh, I'm guessing is kind of confused. Maybe now is realizing that Betsy was not actually a pig and was a rolled up blanket. Your back is kind of damp now. I'm not going to tell you why. And you're bent over, uh, the bear trap, but it didn't take the bait. It wasn't go humpy. It's actually kind of devastated right now because it's, it's love is been revealed as a rolled up blanket. Bob?

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Okay, I get down from the thrasher. I get out my tape recorder and I say, "Dear Abby, I can't believe what's about to happen to me. I'm about to be rich," I think in my, inside my head. "I'm about to kill a pig," I say out loud for the tape recorder.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's good.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  I think inside my head, "I'll lay out some bear traps to get this pig." I say out loud for the tape recorder, "I'm going to kill this pig the same way I always have, with bear traps." But then I realize after setting out the bear traps that I left my shotgun on the other side. "I'll jump right through them and die," I think internally. "I'll walk safely around them," I say out loud, and do. I go get my shotgun, then think to myself, "What if I just fire randomly? That's pretty dangerous." I say out loud, "I'll scare the pig just like normal by firing both shotgun rounds through these holes in the roof." Bam, bam, the pig is not scared.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  I am defeated. I realize I'm gonna need to escalate things. I go and I pick up Bessie, but I also need to reload my shotgun. So I put Bessie over my shoulders and I think to myself, "Oh, well, bend over with my face over the bear traps and then the pig will come try and fuck Bessie, and then facey go trappy." I say out loud, "Oh, no, I've dropped my shotgun shells. I will bend down now and pick them up to reload my shotgun." Which I do, and the pig is no longer interested in Bessie. I reload my shotgun. I turn on the pig angrily and I think to myself, "How the fuck am I gonna get this stupid pig to kill me?" And I say out loud, "All right, time to kill you, pig."

• 54:29Speaker 02

  I take Bessie off my shoulders and I toss her into the bear traps and just, Bessie is murdered. It's still a blanket, but I hope that this enrages the pig and that will cause the pig to charge at me and get revenge for sweet Bessie. I thought all of that. I didn't say that out loud. Out loud, I say, "Oh, no, I dropped the blanket onto the bear traps."

• 54:57Speaker 02

  Everybody good?

• 54:58Speaker 04

  Man, I'm sweating. I'm sweating, man.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, you just need a, I'm assuming that gives you a minus one, so you're down to, you stayed a four, just stayed a four or lower.

• 55:09Speaker 04

  I wish it could give you more than minus one, but man. Oh, man.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  You got all that, Wade, you're gonna have to remember if it doesn't work.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  All right.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  I got a five.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  Oh, shit.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  But you needed a four, didn't you?

• 55:24Speaker 04

  It was at minus four, it's minus four, he got to one, that gives him one.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  We're trying to get one or, I guess, lower, but.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  I thought you were odds zero, one, two, three, I thought you were at minus three, is it minus four?

• 55:35Speaker 04

  He's minus four.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  I feel like I'm one off on every one of them.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've been keeping track.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Okay, all right, I'll, I'll remember all that, that's fun of me.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  So it worked, there was just enough of that attachment to that soggy blanket that got snapped up by the bear traps that the pig was enraged. Not only does it push you over, sadly, the bear traps are already trapped, but knocks over the fire lamp that was up above. You go, oh no, I can't get up for the recorder.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  But I think to myself, yes, I've done it. I'll die now.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  I also think and say out loud, ow, why is the bed so bad?

• 56:17Speaker 02

  I think and say, oh, fire, it burns, oh.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  Okay, well done, guys, that'll do it, only two rounds, but holy shit.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Bob, the fucking say out loud.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 56:34Speaker 02

  Oh, he had to use the tape recorder, I just.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  I had to get Dear Abby in there, my joke was too funny to leave out.

• 56:42Speaker 04

  Points, Mandy's got one for iron, iron within, iron without. Wade, you got pen threatened, point, uh, Michael Douglas approved, uh, cooking makes him mad, point, you lost a point for listening, so doink. But you got two for laughing at my joke, I give you a double point for that, unfortunately, you didn't lose. Bob, he doesn't know what a kitchen is. Uh, yes chef, two, three, four. You got a point for listening. Uh, James sprinted off a mountain. Uh, you're immortal. Um, you lost, you lost to the frog and you lost to the pig and you made me laugh so hard. I gave you another point.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  That's fair.

• 57:24Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 57:25Speaker 04

  That's eight to, uh, four. Nearly impossible to come back from that, but it was.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Don't say that. Don't manifest that.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  I said nearly, I said nearly.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Negative points turn to positive points?

• 57:36Speaker 04

  Uh, it could be, it could flip over. Oh, the name of the game is. No, I'm just kidding.

• 57:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, hold on. Does that mean Bob lost two points by winning?

• 57:44Speaker 04

  He, he won two points by losing.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  I can, no, I can see where you're getting at, but yeah, I won. Yeah. Anyway, how many spins is it gonna be?

• 57:54Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 57:56Speaker 02

  Two.

• 57:56Speaker 04

  Two, it could, it's something could happen.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  It's not, not possible. Uh, what do you got, Mark?

• 58:03Speaker 04

  He who is immortal shall win this point.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  That's just a Bob point, isn't it?

• 58:08Speaker 02

  You might become immortal.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  I guess so, but you'll, you'll always be immortal.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  I'll say he who is immortal, he who is immortal wins a point. So like if either of you also becomes immortal, uh, it would just, we like, we could.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Hmm, that's fair.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  Could apply to more than one person. Feels fair to me. Yeah.

• 58:26Speaker 01

  Hey, he's the host. He can put whoever he wants on there. We've done us points before.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Two spins. Spin number one.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  I guess there's more should just clarify that neither one of us is currently immortal. It's just Bob.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Half point for Wade.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  Oh, that could, that could get closer. It's closer.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Only three and a half down, baby.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  One more spin?

• 58:46Speaker 04

  Don't call it a comeback.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Most impressions?

• 58:53Speaker 04

  Does hello my baby, hello my honey?

• 58:56Speaker 02

  That counts as an impression.

• 58:59Speaker 04

  Technically is, yeah.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Of the frog that does it.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  That's true. I didn't know the lyrics, but I did the voice.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  You did it more times than me because you did it the last time to win.

• 59:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, because it would have been Bob did it first and then Wade and then Bob and Wade then Bob and Wade then Bob finished it. So yeah, technically you did that impression more.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, is that the only impression we did?

• 59:19Speaker 04

  That's a plus one for Bob and that'll wrap it up at a solid commanding nine points.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  Doubled my score.

• 59:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, almost. Well, actually, no, literally. Yeah, with that half, it is exactly double. Not too far in numerical points, uh, but you know, that was a very strong, strong finish.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  After our first few really good seasons, man, I'm, this is not my, my season. This is you guys.

• 59:43Speaker 04

  Uh, I mean, well, we got it. You won all the other ones, so we gotta catch up sometime, but.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Man, my back was starting to hurt, but good to see you guys succeed.

• 59:53Speaker 04

  All right, Wade, you get your loser's speech in.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  Listen, I may have lost. I lost outright. I deserve to lose, but I feel like a winner. Seeing my friends succeed and host and use up all their ideas finally. Cause I've been out for ages with all of my winning. I've won so much. I didn't know what to do anymore. But it's nice to kick back, relax and see the others get to work a little bit.

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  Uh, thank you. Wait, uh, Bob?

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Uh, these episodes always turn out fun. I always have a good time. Feels good to win an episode that was also really fun to do. So I'm just having a great day, you know?

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  You won the coin flip too.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  I know I became immortal. It was pretty, I do, it was pretty funny. There was funny bits. This is a heck of an episode.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  This is your greatest day ever as far as episodes go. I mean, it couldn't go much better than being immortal and winning.

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  I mean, we're gonna have to see how the immortal thing plays out, but like, I have a lot of faith in that. Yeah.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  I mean, it's backed by the guarantee of the listeners, so, and the viewers probably. So you can take that to the bank and you guys can take this episode to the bank. And show the tellers there when you share Distractible with a random stranger in your life. Be sure to follow the podcast and make everyone around you that you don't know, follow it as well. And if they already follow it, make them follow again. You can make multiple accounts. Listen twice. Yes, I told you to do that. Follow these guys wherever they may be. My screen lord minion7779, Mark Olson, and this is Mark. Thank you again for listening and/or watching. Podcast out.

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

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