Pod Insights Distractible For Folk's Sake About this episode The guys prove that being an adult doesn't keep spoopy characters from attacking if you're naughty.
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0:00 Speaker 00 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
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1:27 Speaker 03 This episode of Distractible is presented by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Okay. How do you guys know when someone's really your friend? I don't know.
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2:11 Speaker 05 Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Wolflike Wade mentions enslaving Mark, then advocates for modern mythologies. Merrific Mark plugs the new merch, buy it, has piss augmented plants, broken bells, and pandemonium pals. Burdensome Bob proffers personalized dildos, harvests his huge weed crop, prefers jaunty jaguars, cereal rakesh, and sea holes. From ball gags to porn pop-ups. Ha ha ha ha ha.
2:47 Speaker 05 It's time for, for folks sake, now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
2:58 Speaker 03 Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, because I won outright last episode. I dominated from start to finish, and also, maybe it was just because of, we all said it at the end. Join is always my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hey, guys.
3:16 Speaker 04 Hello. Oh, I mean, fuck you.
3:20 Speaker 03 Oh.
3:21 Speaker 04 I'm sorry, I was trying to match Mark's energy. I didn't.
3:24 Speaker 03 I'm not sure where this hostility is coming from.
3:26 Speaker 04 Get him, get him, get him, Bob, get him. Fucking beard. You just don't smile at me. Get out of here.
3:33 Speaker 03 Have you heard about our best-selling but copyrighted shirt? We're getting sued by Theseus. No, we're cop, our copyright, it's our copyright. We own this design. If you take the copyright and replace it one letter at a time, is it the same copyright? Is that how Disney did it for so long? Probably.
3:51 Speaker 04 Uh, we've redrawn the end this year. We're gonna go ahead and refile that for another 150 years of copyright.
3:59 Speaker 03 Anyway, distractible.shop, soon to be distractible.store, never to be distractible.com. Woo, yeah.
4:07 Speaker 04 We should get one of those fun, one of those fun domain names like distractible dot fun or distractible dot G U S.
4:15 Speaker 03 I could get distractible dot X X X. That's the only one that I could get.
4:18 Speaker 04 Oh, hell yeah.
4:20 Speaker 06 How many people would be in like trouble for going to an X X X site? They're like, I was just going there for the merch.
4:26 Speaker 03 Do you think our audience is mostly children?
4:28 Speaker 06 I think adults can get in trouble too.
4:30 Speaker 04 Oh, a hundred and nine bucks. Dude, sexy website addresses are expensive.
4:36 Speaker 06 That renews for a hundred and twelve bucks a year? That's so expensive for a goof.
4:41 Speaker 03 We could sell distractible adult toys. We could do that. We could partner with say like.
4:46 Speaker 04 We could make casts of our junk and you could buy one or all three and have a party.
4:51 Speaker 06 The butthole chocolates.
4:53 Speaker 04 Have you guys ever been solicited by those companies? I got a message. I got an email from a company that does that. I don't know what they, who they thought I is, but literally it was email that's like, Hey, would you like to make a product that your fans can really feel the joy from? And then I, I was like, that's creepy, man. What? And I clicked and it's just a site where you could buy molds of people's bits to do dirty stuff with. And I was like, nah, thanks though. I'm glad I'm on whatever list that's from.
5:25 Speaker 03 Well, remind me to get that later because I, I could get it for you if you really want it. If you have a good, important thing to do with it, I will get it for you.
5:32 Speaker 06 I'm not paying thirty, forty bucks a year to you guys. I'll take it if you both pay for it.
5:37 Speaker 04 No, I don't think that's how that works.
5:38 Speaker 06 We can't be outvoted on having to spend our money, can we?
5:41 Speaker 04 I, I think we can actually. We're a team. Three co-equal members of govern distractible.
5:47 Speaker 06 Mark, vote no. We can have control back.
5:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, just like we're co-equally sharing the revenue from that shirt.
5:55 Speaker 06 Wait, we get revenue?
5:59 Speaker 04 I can't tell if I'm inside Mark's thing or outside Mark's thing.
6:02 Speaker 03 Oh, outside. Oh, a very outside.
6:04 Speaker 04 Oh, okay. Well, I was, okay.
6:05 Speaker 03 I own the company that made the clothing. That seems like a little bit of conflict of interest.
6:11 Speaker 06 But we can own you if we vote it, right? That's how this works?
6:15 Speaker 03 I don't know if we can afford him. I think ownership of people, uh, might have been. What if we put it in the distractible constitution that we're allowed to change any constitution we want? And then we can just start passing amendments to whatever constitution is out there and then we can, and we can do anything. Be unstoppable.
6:32 Speaker 06 Aye. Is that how we vote?
6:34 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, actually. Or, uh, it'd be yays.
6:37 Speaker 06 Yay.
6:38 Speaker 03 We're not even in the boat.
6:40 Speaker 06 Okay.
6:41 Speaker 03 Can't have democracy without a boat.
6:43 Speaker 06 He's have small talk.
6:44 Speaker 03 I've got small talk.
6:47 Speaker 06 Any more carrots?
6:50 Speaker 03 Nicholas Martins at Black Magic Design. You're awesome. You're the best. You deserve a raise and everyone at your office should, next time they see you stand up and go.
7:03 Speaker 06 Yeah. Woo. Yeah.
7:07 Speaker 03 You're gonna get me a partnership with Black Magic Design after that. Everyone else at the office, don't listen to this part. It's just you and me now.
7:14 Speaker 03 Look, buddy, I have been shouting from the rooftops with what DaVinci Resolve can do for people and what the rest of Black Magic Designs, uh, products can do and what can do for you, Wade? Are you still working in Premiere?
7:26 Speaker 06 Am I below you?
7:28 Speaker 03 Wade?
7:30 Speaker 06 Wade, Wade, Wade.
7:32 Speaker 03 Are you still working in Premiere like a goof?
7:35 Speaker 06 Dana sure is.
7:36 Speaker 03 Oh. Well, you could save money if you have Dana switch over to the free Black Magic Design software, DaVinci Resolve.
7:45 Speaker 06 I like that. I mean, Adobe's not cheap.
7:48 Speaker 03 Bob?
7:49 Speaker 04 Yeah, we're definitely still on Adobe. I'm connected into too many other Adobe things. That's the thing, right? Uh, you know me, I like new stuff and I would absolutely just dictate that my editor has to switch over to Resolve without caring what they think about it. But also I need to, I get PDFs e-signed and all this shit that like, it's all, I have a whole ecosystem and it's annoying. I know that it's annoying and I don't even know if there are other uses of software that do that, but they don't do it as efficiently as Acrobat does. There's no way.
8:19 Speaker 03 Actually Acrobat is one of the worst.
8:21 Speaker 04 There's no way. It's, it's fantastic.
8:24 Speaker 03 Anyway, he's been super helpful. He's lent me cameras. He's come over to the office. He's hooked me up with someone that can help me out with Fairlight. Um, he's been awesome help. Just want to shout out, hey, I am actually legitimately a believer. Please, I know what I've said to all the other companies that I've been sponsored with. Please, please, wait, is Prusa, Prusa, is that the name? They're still waiting? Prusa, who'sa cares? Please, please, please.
8:52 Speaker 03 I can only, I can only go after one at a time. Oh, man.
8:55 Speaker 06 Oh, Nicholas, he'll be loyal to you and only you for at least three days.
8:59 Speaker 03 Yep, yep, you, Nick.
9:04 Speaker 03 I got a regular heartbeat.
9:08 Speaker 03 All for you. All right, anyway, that's.
9:13 Speaker 03 I think it worked, guys. I think it worked.
9:16 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah, that's gonna, that's gonna win him right over.
9:18 Speaker 06 Uh, Bob?
9:20 Speaker 04 I don't like yard work. Uh, most of our backyard is just grass, but we have like one area where there's some, a bush and some stuff and it's mulched and it's like, there's supposed to be plants there, but mostly it's empty. I've been pretending it didn't exist all summer. And it just got turned into a fucking jungle of weeds as tall as me.
9:38 Speaker 06 I'll be careful because if you have to have a fridge brought through there, we know what happens.
9:41 Speaker 04 Well, we didn't luckily, but also I, at some point, finally, it was like, okay, well, probably shouldn't just let that be weeds. So I just got, we have a string trimmer or whatever, weed whacker. I just got it and got made the strings real long and just literally went out to this huge patch of weeds that was like, like literally as tall as me almost and just like.
10:04 Speaker 04 It's kind of hard, but it was kind of fun because I kind of just murdered an entire metropolis of weeds. But not only did I murder it and then put all their dead bodies into some paper bags, I then went back over it with, uh, ground clear, which is the type of like weed killer that just kills anything that's alive. And I just fucking assaulted the earth and was like, nothing will grow here ever again. So I've mixed feelings about the weed genocide that I committed in our backyard, but it looks way nicer.
10:33 Speaker 03 Is the grass growing?
10:35 Speaker 04 Well, this wasn't, I didn't get any on the grass. So the grass is all cool. This was just in the bed. The like plant bed area.
10:42 Speaker 03 Oh.
10:43 Speaker 04 I was a little worried because there's two trees kind of on the back edge of it. And I was like, I tried really hard not to get it anywhere near the trees, but like the trees are in the same bed and there were weeds around it. So I got, they seem fine.
10:57 Speaker 03 Trees love that shit. Yeah. Have I ever told you about Henry's piss oranges?
11:02 Speaker 04 No, I don't think so.
11:04 Speaker 03 Well, there's an orange tree at a house we used to have a while back. Um, and it was, you know, it made oranges every year. That was real.
11:11 Speaker 04 Didn't it make limes if I recall?
11:13 Speaker 03 No.
11:14 Speaker 04 I'm pretty sure it made limes. Ethan told me that. Do you not remember that?
11:17 Speaker 03 No, I don't remember.
11:19 Speaker 04 There's an episode from, uh, from, uh, Unasana's where Ethan was real sad. You guys are in the backyard and he was just like, can I have one of these limes? And you're like, that's a, that's an orange tree. They're just, they're not, it's like, okay, I'm going to take a lime. I mean, you're, you're just like, Ethan, those are oranges and they're not ready yet. And he just takes one and he's like, mm. Wow. This lime doesn't taste very good. They're bad limes, Mark.
11:46 Speaker 03 I don't remember that at all.
11:48 Speaker 04 It was like an extended bit.
11:50 Speaker 03 I bet it was, I bet it was. Uh, but Henry pissed on that tree a lot.
11:56 Speaker 06 No wonder that tastes so good.
11:58 Speaker 03 They did. That's what I'm saying is those oranges tasted amazing. And I, they tasted better, the better, the longer we were there. I'm not lying, not joking. It's probably not because of the piss, but what is a tree if not a big life straw? Filters out the piss.
12:15 Speaker 06 Dog pee kills grass, lavers orange, breaking news.
12:19 Speaker 03 Yeah. I mean, orange, the juice is some kind of yellow.
12:23 Speaker 04 If I peed and it looked like orange juice, I'd be like, ah, close enough.
12:28 Speaker 03 I don't need to see a doctor about that. That's, that's good. That's very good. Actually.
12:33 Speaker 04 Plus it smells clean and fresh. Or would it still smell like pee? I guess I don't know which way that goes.
12:38 Speaker 06 Good stuff, boys. Good stuff.
12:40 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm not done.
12:41 Speaker 06 You're done when I say you're done.
12:42 Speaker 04 You didn't say he's done.
12:43 Speaker 06 I know. So you go ahead.
12:45 Speaker 03 Okay, cool. There was a recall on a certain product. You guys know the, uh, the adjustable dumbbells? I've had a few sets over time.
12:52 Speaker 04 I've, I have the cheap knockoff. One of those that's like, doesn't work as well, but. Is like half price.
12:58 Speaker 03 I I had just finished. I actually ordered these a while ago and they've been sitting on my porch getting rained on and getting a fire blasted through them. Water, ash and stuff like that. So I finally got around to unboxing them and unpacking and building the whole set because you got to assemble it and all that stuff. And so I do it because I've had the dumbbells before and they've been kind of janky sometimes. You know, sometimes weights fall off, but I'm like, oh, it must be user error. So I get done the whole set, brand new set, because the other ones I was like, oh, it's been sitting out. It's probably not good. So a whole new equipment. I was like, I'm gonna get in shape again. Woo, woo. Just yesterday, like I finished assembling and just this morning I like I've started working a little bit for the first time. Like, yeah, all right. Get in. Before we record this podcast, I look at the news. Bowflex's popular adjustable dumbbells were just recalled.
13:42 Speaker 03 Over 30 million units were recalled for potential impact hazards.
13:46 Speaker 04 Good grief.
13:49 Speaker 03 God damn it. I mean, I can still use it. That's like up to me to whether or not I want to risk and to be perfectly honest, I've always knew they were a bit jank. I'm never, I was never gonna be holding one over my head. I can tell you that much. I can tell you that. Uh, not that they've ever fallen. Don't sue me, Bowflex, but um, I felt dumb. I felt dumb, but it does look nice. Yeah.
14:10 Speaker 04 I guess you have to give you a point.
14:12 Speaker 06 I mean, you guys convinced me.
14:14 Speaker 03 Anyway, I don't even know. I've, I've had products that are recalled and sometimes have you gotten this where you get a check in the mail randomly and you don't remember? Ever being a part of a class action, but there it is. All right, cool. 10 bucks.
14:26 Speaker 06 I got, I don't forget what it was for. I got a letter with a check. The check was for like seven cents. Because I was apparently part of a class action lawsuit. I didn't know I agreed to be a part of. They were just like, here's your settlement from the class action lawsuit. It was no more than like a dollar. I think it was like seven cents or something actually like that where they're like, here's your settlement. So sorry for everything you went through. And it's like fucking a nickel and two pennies.
14:49 Speaker 03 The biggest one I got was for actually an Apple thing. I can't remember what it was for, but it was like 80 bucks.
14:54 Speaker 04 That's crazy. I've never got one that was a meaningful amount of money. It's usually like $2 or something.
14:59 Speaker 03 I've also never submitted for a recall. I've never sent products back. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how it works.
15:06 Speaker 06 We did for a car. Was it Molly's last? Was it my car? We had a thing where we had to take a car back because it had like an airbag recall. And that was when we were like, that's probably one that we should do.
15:17 Speaker 04 Oh, there was a really big, it was probably, it was probably Molly's old car because there was a really big airbag recall on her, the kind that would have been in that car, because I know what her car was.
15:28 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm assuming it was.
15:30 Speaker 03 I just remembered I need to, I have a recall on my truck that I need to do address. It's nothing serious. It's the roof, the sunroof, the way it is, it leaks. And I thought, I thought I did something wrong because one of the big rubber things was like flapping off in the wind. I was like, ah, I shoved it back in there. So there's a recall for that. There's car recalls all the time, don't you?
15:49 Speaker 04 There's so many car recalls. I, I was just gonna say, I had that happen. I have one that my car has a recall on where it's like they're trying to get parts and I've been waiting for a long time. And I still can't get it scheduled to get that service. But then I got another letter like the other day that was like, oh, there's a new recall on your car, but it doesn't say what it is. It just says like, oh, you should probably call your dealer and ask about it. I was like, I don't want to call and ask to see if I need to do something about this, but like.
16:19 Speaker 06 That's a cheap way. That should be an illegal way to go about a recall is forcing you to figure out what the recall is.
16:25 Speaker 04 I've, but like on every car I've owned, including my really old Volkswagen that I had when I was in like college. Get so many letters that are just like, oh, there's a recall on the door hinge. If you open it too fast, it might explode.
16:40 Speaker 03 That seems kind of serious.
16:42 Speaker 04 You probably should get that fixed, I guess.
16:44 Speaker 03 I think that that's why I'm afraid to ever release a product, you know, like a real product. Like clothing is one thing, but having an actual thing that, I mean, maybe it could be a clothing recall where like this shirt will explode. If you wear it wrong, put your arm through the head hole, boom, the whole thing catastrophically.
17:01 Speaker 06 Thankfully it's safe with water, but body sweat really dangerous for this clothing.
17:06 Speaker 03 Depends on who, how sweaty you is, you big stinko. What is this to?
17:13 Speaker 04 It's probably, it's probably not important.
17:15 Speaker 06 Where did you just come up with? Nevermind.
17:18 Speaker 04 I don't know. It was wrapped around my leg. I was like, what is this? Oh.
17:23 Speaker 03 My god, Mark, the AIs, they're coming for you.
17:26 Speaker 04 Is that plugged into something else, or is that just a cord?
17:29 Speaker 03 It is plugged in, it's plugged into my computer, to my computer down there. Uh, so I don't know what it was plugged into, but it's not anymore, so.
17:40 Speaker 04 It's probably fine.
17:41 Speaker 03 Probably fine. Oh, great, small.
17:44 Speaker 04 I have something else.
17:45 Speaker 03 Oh, okay.
17:47 Speaker 04 Cracker Barrel. How mad are you at them? Wait, have you been to Cracker Barrel? Did the one in Mel forget?
17:53 Speaker 03 I've not been there in a while, so no, I'm not seeing it yet.
17:55 Speaker 04 I'm so disappointed because I saw so many people on TikTok, on Reddit, quickly, in like a few hours, mock up a different version of the logo, and it's infinitely better. Even if they went super simplistic, there was one that I saw on TikTok where someone was like, "I just added a few lines around the outside to give it some character." And it was like instantly better, amazingly better. Who did they hire? They paid $700 million to renovate all those stores? Why? They didn't test it on one? They could roll it out on all of them. I don't know who these firms are that are tricking all these companies. Did you see? I'm not a particular fan or anything, but have you seen the Jaguar rebrand?
18:37 Speaker 03 No.
18:38 Speaker 04 Oh my god. Look at it. So Jaguar, to me, I'm kind of a car person, but not a Jag person. Old school, British brand, they make sexy cars, they're like, classic and awesome and like, like big V8 engines, like Jag, like it's a thing. The new Jaguar logo could be for any company on earth. It is the least interesting, most disconnected, minimalist, modern, piece of crap logo. They paid so much money for it. Who are these companies that are charging tens, hundreds of millions of dollars? To be like, here's a simple lowercase font with nothing interesting,
19:19 Speaker 04 no meaningful connection to your brand imagery or brand legacy or anything. It just says Jaguar in lowercase, real spread out. There you go.
19:30 Speaker 03 Is it the yellow one with the capital?
19:32 Speaker 04 Maybe J, but definitely capital G. But the As are lowercase and the Rs lowercase?
19:37 Speaker 03 I gotta look at the old logo. It was literally had a Jaguar in it. God.
19:42 Speaker 04 Yeah, it has the Jaguar over it. It, I couldn't explain to you why they went the way they did. I like the old logo with the Jaguar over it. I also like the, the front view face Jaguar logo that was like the emblem on the cars.
19:56 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's alright. Yeah, that's alright.
19:58 Speaker 04 It looks like classic, but it doesn't look dated or old. It looks cool. Like it's a fucking cool logo.
20:05 Speaker 03 I see this all the time where a company will throw out all of the memories, all of the loyalty, all of the associations of the old brand and logo, just because some executive comes in, and I'm sure this is what happens. A new CEO comes in and be like, I have the idea to refresh this whole thing. Sales are stagnating, which is good. Companies, if your sales are going like this, you're good. This is good. This is great. This is okay. That's bad. Okay, good, bad. It's, this is fine. Even if it's like, eh, it's fine. Anyway, whatever. It's like, so Cracker Barrel, Denny's did this, Jaguar did this, a whole bunch of companies are doing this. I feel like they're at the tail end of it because now I feel like the trend is going away from this minimalism.
20:50 Speaker 03 And it should. We're all gonna look back at this era of minimalism and be like, bleh, fucking millennials.
20:55 Speaker 04 Need to swing violently into maximalism for, for, uh, branding. Give me complicated crests and all kinds of crazy filigree and nonsense. It's hard to do it correctly because when you have so much shit in, in a logo or in a thing, it's like, yeah, well, that actually is kinda ugly, isn't it? You didn't do a very good job. But also if it doesn't have anything in it, it can still be ugly. It's not, not ugly just because it's simple. It's just boring and ugly. Yeah, I know. That's going around. I, the Cracker Barrel one is, uh, the hot topic of the day, but there's so many companies that just like, deleted any character they had in their entire company's logo, branding, just with like a, make it the letter F for whatever. Cool.
21:39 Speaker 03 Toys R Us did such a big rebrand that you don't even see any letters now.
21:43 Speaker 04 I thought they were coming back. Didn't someone buy Jeffrey?
21:45 Speaker 03 Did they?
21:47 Speaker 04 I thought they got, I thought they got bought, but I didn't, I don't know if there was, if they're gonna relaunch it or what.
21:52 Speaker 03 Thing that blows my mind about Cracker Barrel is they didn't just change the logo, they changed the entire interior, which I.
21:57 Speaker 06 I didn't know that.
21:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, the entire interior is like this Ikea modernist, like weird design art deco kind of.
22:04 Speaker 06 Well, they can't be called Cracker Barrel, they should be called like Smooth Boring.
22:08 Speaker 04 Smooth Boring is kind of right.
22:10 Speaker 03 I know they probably didn't get rid of all the old decorations. I hope this is a big ploy to get people to come back as soon as they changed all back. But for $700 million, seven, you know what we could do with $700 million?
22:22 Speaker 04 Lots of stuff, I assume.
22:23 Speaker 03 We could renovate Cincinnati's subway system and make it up and functional with $700 million, less actually.
22:31 Speaker 06 Or really big boat.
22:32 Speaker 03 Well, how was that? How much is the most expensive yacht?
22:35 Speaker 06 It better be able to go to space for 700 million.
22:38 Speaker 03 No, sorry. Most expensive yacht is $4.8 billion. So, uh, let's just get the subway system in Cincinnati going. And then buy it. You could still have a boat with the leftovers.
22:47 Speaker 04 We could still get a pretty good yacht for like $10 million.
22:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, exactly.
22:53 Speaker 06 Assume so, yeah.
22:54 Speaker 04 You can get something that they refer to as a super yacht for 1.5 to $3 million. Is that enough yacht for you, Wade?
23:01 Speaker 06 A super yacht for $3 million?
23:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
23:04 Speaker 06 Yeah, that'd be good. That'd be a big enough boat for, listen, I don't even need that big. I like, I like boat. Nice pontoon. Nice. What's nicest pontoon cost?
23:12 Speaker 04 Uh, we could definitely afford the nicest pontoon boat.
23:15 Speaker 03 All right, let's plan out Wade's, uh, retirement. How many pontoons can he buy?
23:20 Speaker 06 Oh, pontoon? You could get a 21 footer for 29,000?
23:24 Speaker 03 25 footer for 29,000, actually.
23:26 Speaker 06 Why not even get a car? I should have just gotten a boat.
23:28 Speaker 04 Yeah, no, you, you probably should have.
23:30 Speaker 03 I mean, let's be honest, your car was a boat for a while there, under the ocean. Got him. Anyway, yeah, so we kick around like 500 million for the Cincinnati subway. Hey, we could probably take it all the way up to Columbus, connect those, forget Cleveland, connect those.
23:46 Speaker 06 Do we have 700 million? Is someone giving us that?
23:48 Speaker 03 Cracker Barrel had it, so they spent, they, they put it somewhere. We just gotta intercept that and then bring it back. Also, did you see the person on the subway that assumed when I said we could connect all the cities in America for rail meant? I meant literally every city would connect to every other city instead of there would be a good network between the cities.
24:07 Speaker 06 No, every single city gets its own line.
24:09 Speaker 03 The people in the comments pointed it out that I'm like, I was laughing, that was very funny.
24:13 Speaker 04 I knew what you meant. Millions of train lines between each individual city, obviously.
24:18 Speaker 03 Also, Bob, you didn't tell me how ugly their actual car was too.
24:22 Speaker 04 Uh, which car?
24:24 Speaker 03 It's like the preview of the type double zero.
24:26 Speaker 04 Well, that's like a concept, but yeah, it's not great. Honestly, if I'm, if I'm looking at the design, it like, I wouldn't want that. It's not my thing. But there are, there are aspects of the double zero where it's like, if you did that, but better, maybe.
24:42 Speaker 03 I'd never seen, it has a engine in the back. I'm guessing that's why it has a real rear grill. But that look of the rear grill still doesn't look.
24:51 Speaker 06 Are there no windows? Is it one giant windshield?
24:54 Speaker 04 I mean, there are separate panels in it, I think, but yeah, it's, it's one, it's like wrap around glass, the like windshield into the side windows and stuff.
25:02 Speaker 06 It kinda looks like a Grand Theft Auto III, like sports car, like a cheetah or something. I'm like.
25:07 Speaker 04 Ah, I can see what you're saying. Yeah.
25:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, it kinda does. Yeah.
25:11 Speaker 04 Also, I just assumed it's electric because it's new and looks ridiculous.
25:16 Speaker 06 Well, I've got like 10 minutes left to do an episode. You guys want to do an episode?
25:19 Speaker 04 I have more small talk. No, I'm at.
25:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, I got nothing else.
25:23 Speaker 06 Oh no, guys, come on, more small talk.
25:25 Speaker 03 I, I wish, I wish I'm in, I wish, man.
25:27 Speaker 06 I'll host again, so I'd love to save. I've got so many topics for this.
25:31 Speaker 03 I wish, man, I wish.
25:32 Speaker 06 All right. Well, if there's a part two to this, just know it's not because I'm lazy on topic creations because I didn't get to all of my beautiful topics.
25:41 Speaker 00 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance loathe. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
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26:42 Speaker 04 This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Mark and I have known each other since college, and we connected fast. Oh, yeah? How fast? Like T-Mobile 5G Home Internet fast. Well, in fact, I bet you can literally hop online in less than 15 minutes and connect with their fast speeds at a great price, no matter what your budget looks like.
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27:46 Speaker 06 We've done episodes where we've talked about things like tier lists for Santa and ginger dead men and stuff like that.
27:54 Speaker 04 Yeah, sure.
27:55 Speaker 06 But it's time for us to look deeper into the folklore, things like the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, Santa. We need more mascots, but we need them for like adults folklore mascots to help adults accomplish tasks. Kids have a few adults need some, so we need like an Easter bunny or tooth fairy equivalent for some different things. And I've got some topics and you guys can either disagree or work together to come up with the right mascot. It's really up to you. This is all about creating the best that we can. And we're going to start with one that, you know, Bob, I guess I should have given you like a segue point, but I didn't and I'm too lazy now.
28:30 Speaker 04 I'll take it.
28:31 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's totally fair. Thank you, Mark. You got it. Thank you. When you have like a yard you have to worry about, which people have like rock gardens or apartments, which is nice because you get to avoid this. But like, if you have a yard and you have like any kind of gardening and stuff you need to do, you have about weeds, mowing the grass, tree trimming, bush trimming and all that stuff, we need a mascot for that. We need, we need someone to come in and reward you for doing your yard work. So, you know, Easter bunny brings a basket, Santa brings presents, tooth fairy leaves money under your pillow. We got to figure out what they're going to leave, what you have to do and what they look like, who they are. This is our first task, the yard.
29:11 Speaker 03 All right. So before he gets started, tell me everything you just said again.
29:17 Speaker 06 Tooth fairy, Santa, Easter bunny, but for yard work.
29:22 Speaker 03 I hear you. The whole thing. I was not paying attention for the explanation of it. I was not paying attention for any of it.
29:30 Speaker 06 Okay, uh, let me throw out some words here. Folklore.
29:32 Speaker 03 Okay.
29:33 Speaker 06 Easter bunny.
29:34 Speaker 03 Gotcha.
29:34 Speaker 06 Tooth fairy, Santa.
29:36 Speaker 03 Probably not.
29:36 Speaker 04 Not real. Whoa, yikes.
29:39 Speaker 06 So we're gonna make our own that could be real. Maybe we can wish them into reality for yard work. So we're gonna create like the tooth fairy or Santa that are going to be encouraging for adults to do yard work. We got other topics, but this is the first one. Yard work's the first one. Create for me, who is going to reward you and what they give you for doing your yard work?
30:01 Speaker 04 I can't get out of my head. I'm seeing like a flying rake. The rake? You're talking about the rake? This is, this is kind of a, kind of a Krampus figure. It's not that you are rewarded with good things for doing the yard work. It's that the rake is not going to hurt you if you do what you're supposed to do.
30:22 Speaker 04 But if you don't do the yard work, the rake comes and rakes you into its giant sack and then flies you away to some big compost heap or something and you have to smell shit for the rest of eternity. I don't know if the rake can talk or if it's really more of just like a, if it shows up, that's bad news and you know it type situation. I just can't get this image out of my head.
30:45 Speaker 06 All right, a different take on the rake, which is a cryptid.
30:48 Speaker 04 We could call him rake man, sky rake.
30:51 Speaker 03 No, let's workshop it. Let's kick it to the workshop.
30:53 Speaker 04 Raker.
30:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, all right, okay. Don't like that last one.
30:57 Speaker 04 It's gonna rake ya.
30:58 Speaker 03 Don't like it?
30:59 Speaker 04 It's gonna rake you into a sack. He's gonna come and, and then dump you in a pile of shit. Shit sack.
31:06 Speaker 03 Is it a person? Is it like just a floating rake?
31:10 Speaker 04 It's, it's just the rake. I think it can't talk, but it can project thoughts into your brain. So it's that kind of thing where like if the rake appears and you make, you look at it and like make it lock eye contact with it. You'll get like that voice in your head. You'll, if you, if you lock onto it, you're like. You should have mowed the lawn by now. Come outside so I can get you into my sack.
31:35 Speaker 06 It knows when you've been weeding. It knows when waters do.
31:40 Speaker 04 It's kind of demonic, I guess. That's where that's coming from.
31:43 Speaker 03 Well, the thing is like mowing your lawn and keeping your lawn nice is just a societal construct. So is the rake actually a natural force or is it some kind of imposed? Creation to enforce this.
31:57 Speaker 04 Oh, it's like an AI autonomous rake that's just gone crazy.
32:01 Speaker 03 It's like an HOA thing.
32:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:04 Speaker 06 HOA folklore.
32:06 Speaker 03 I mean, the HOA would be some embodiment of the yard demon. To make sure you does your work. But okay, let's, I'm okay with the rake. So long as this is an HOA experiment in the HOA labs to create the demon of our nightmares to enforce the policy like it looks at the approved shrubbery list. And if there's even a single leaf that's not right on your bushes, rips them all up. I've had that happen before.
32:35 Speaker 04 You're out there mowing your lawn, trying to follow the rules and the rake appears in front of you and walks on him. I noticed your door is a non-approved color. We're gonna need you to repaint your entire house. We can see your garbage cans from the curb. You're gonna need to cover them or bring them around the back.
32:56 Speaker 06 But it's a, it's an elevation change to the backyards, the whole floor down. To build a.
33:02 Speaker 03 This happened to Ethan.
33:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, I like that. That is scary. I think everyone could agree that we don't like that. The HOA rake.
33:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, we don't like that. I like him. So long as it's HOA made, I think I'm okay with this.
33:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, that makes sense.
33:15 Speaker 06 Maybe you guys could go terrifying with this one too. I don't know, but what about one that helps adults maintain friendships and relationships? Sometimes as we get older, we have jobs, we have families, lives, and we kind of grow apart. But it's important to maintain some friendships and some socializing. And I think we need a mascot to help encourage or reward that or punish if you don't, I guess.
33:36 Speaker 04 They're not all gonna be negative. I just, it just felt right for yard work to me. They can be positive.
33:42 Speaker 06 You're, you're right. And I didn't consider it. I'm gonna, I'm opening the door for all possibilities here.
33:48 Speaker 03 So what, what were you saying?
33:49 Speaker 06 Man, the paying attention point's definitely going to bomb.
33:53 Speaker 03 But did you, did you get a new category? What's the new category?
33:56 Speaker 06 Maintaining friendships and relationships.
33:59 Speaker 03 Of course.
34:02 Speaker 06 We're finding new ones if your previous ones suck.
34:05 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So it's the friendship demon, right?
34:12 Speaker 06 Okay.
34:14 Speaker 03 Well, I mean, I'm just saying, they're all demons of some kind.
34:17 Speaker 04 Is this a nice demon?
34:18 Speaker 03 No. Yes, yes, it is very nice, but I'm thinking, you know, it's, it's like maintaining friendships is also responsible for putting people in the friend zone. Like they are, they're not evil by nature, but they're a magnetic force to be only friends and keep you as friends. So they repel you away from anything more deeper and like elevated to relationships and whatnot, or you know, romantic relationships, but they also keep you in the friend zone.
34:47 Speaker 06 Why do I feel like we're going to encourage people to perform exorcisms on those that friend zone them?
34:52 Speaker 03 Hey, whatever it takes, it's the friend zone entity, the F Z E, the Fuzzy. Bob, help me with the name here.
35:02 Speaker 04 Kids call them Fuzzies.
35:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, you get what I'm saying, right? It's, it's this ring, it's like the purity ring, you know, but of friends.
35:09 Speaker 04 They help you keep your friends, they're the warm fuzzies.
35:12 Speaker 03 Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, the warm fuzzies.
35:14 Speaker 06 Fuzz, the warm fuzzies, the Fuzzies, what we calling it?
35:17 Speaker 03 He just said it. Listen, Wade, next time Wade, Bob says something, listen. Okay, all right, okay.
35:24 Speaker 06 I am stabbing you virtually in Minecraft, allegedly.
35:29 Speaker 04 I think you're allowed to stab him in Minecraft, I don't think you have to. Is there a punishment or this, this doesn't feel like it has a punishment vibe. This is really more like, the thing is that, that, that you get friend zoned, right? There's a risk to this, but really what they do is they just magnetically attract you to other people. They magically encourage you to hang around other people, just the risk is if you indulge the, the warm fuzzies, you can and will get friend zoned if you're not careful.
35:57 Speaker 03 And what's funny is it applies the same things as like the, the, the weak nuclear force and like the strong nuclear force, where if you were to have enough energy to enter beyond the friend zone, that would be fusion. It would result in a catastrophic explosion and everyone would die around. But also if you were to escape, that would be fission and it would be a less catastrophic, but still very bad energetic release. So you're trapped in the friend zone, both by the, the forces that keep you there. But once you're there, you can neither get closer, escape, or you kill everyone around you. It's like the friend ent horizon, the present horizon, the friend zone horizon. And Bob, you're the name guy, you're the, you're the name guy.
36:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah. No, there's something in that. The if friend horizon.
36:40 Speaker 06 Friend Zent Horizon?
36:43 Speaker 04 Friendscape Velocity.
36:46 Speaker 03 Hmm.
36:48 Speaker 04 The fr- the fr- the Buddy Horizon.
36:53 Speaker 06 Making afraid is a bit of an event. So what about just like an event?
36:56 Speaker 04 The Pal Hole.
36:58 Speaker 06 Or the Chum Hole.
36:59 Speaker 04 Ooh, the Chum Hole.
37:00 Speaker 03 The Chum Hole.
37:02 Speaker 04 What? Don't. You made us. You made us invent the Chum Hole. It's the Chum Hole.
37:07 Speaker 03 It's the Chum Hole.
37:09 Speaker 06 H's are important. Don't lose yours.
37:11 Speaker 03 I don't feel like anyone could misconstrue what we said.
37:13 Speaker 06 I don't lie there. I definitely don't either.
37:15 Speaker 04 I feel like that one is self-explanatory.
37:17 Speaker 06 This one, this one's a difficult one to deal with, and I think, um, we can come up with a good, a good mascot to help with this. As we become adults and get older, we watch the adults that were adults when we were kids also get older. And that's hard. It's hard watching people age.
37:34 Speaker 03 Including ourselves.
37:35 Speaker 06 True empaths understand how hard that can be.
37:39 Speaker 04 Okay.
37:40 Speaker 06 So we need something or someone to aid in helping us get through that.
37:46 Speaker 04 This demon is called Pylosand. It's actually a demon that can possess small particles of sand and flies around in kind of a cloud form and can sense when someone is having this exact issue that you're talking about and they're having a hard time uh, coming to grips with seeing people that, that have always been older than them continue to be the same amount older than them and that just being older because everyone gets older because of how time works. And Pylosand comes and is summoned and goes from being a cloud, a spread out cloud of particles in the air to a pile of sand on the ground. And you can just stick your head in that sand and then you don't have to see nothing.
38:31 Speaker 04 Pylosand just wants you to not have to deal with the realities of the world, not have to face any emotions or complicated bullshit. You can just stick your head in Pylosand and everything is fine. Cause if you ignore it, it's not real. That's Pylosand's message.
38:50 Speaker 06 Mark, do you need help? Are you with us?
38:52 Speaker 03 No. Shush. Your honor, please shush. May I shush the bench?
38:58 Speaker 06 Uh, okay. So getting, watching people get older is, you know, it's, it's, um,
39:03 Speaker 03 what I think of in The Watchmen, you know?
39:08 Speaker 04 That three day long movie that everyone's seen? Yeah.
39:10 Speaker 06 Blue penis.
39:12 Speaker 03 Yes, blue penis. That's exactly what I'm talking about.
39:14 Speaker 04 Blue, blue penis.
39:16 Speaker 03 You remember what he said when his girlfriend, wife, whatever, um, was yelling at him because he was cheating on her? Does not, not being derogatory to her. She had-
39:26 Speaker 04 You can't have any more blue penis.
39:29 Speaker 03 That's what he yelled at her.
39:31 Speaker 04 And then, and he went to Mars.
39:33 Speaker 03 Yeah, pretty much. Um, he said that he could, that when, you know, she, he was able to watch his wife grow older visibly every day. I think Dr. Manhattan is the entity for watching people get older because he can notice every single cell getting older as it goes along. And if you need to put things in perspective, you're like, oh, man, they're getting old so quickly. What do you think it's like to him? He'll, he'll show you both his penis and he'll zoom in microscopically. So you can see like, there's a cell. Oh, that cell. Oh, that cell didn't replicate so well. Oh no. Ah, collagen depleting over there. Oh no. Oh, bones getting a little porous, you know?
40:13 Speaker 03 I like Bob's.
40:15 Speaker 04 I was just coming, I was just coming around to yours. I like the idea that you have like a, like a button or like a, a Dr. Manhattan symbol. And every time you summon him, he shows up and he's like, blue penis? And you're like, no, no, no. Mom's looking old. Like, can we, can you, not, not the penis thing. Just look at mom. Let me know. Tell me how it's going.
40:34 Speaker 03 Look, this penis doesn't get any older. You know what I mean?
40:38 Speaker 06 Does get bluer.
40:39 Speaker 03 Only bluer. I hate, I hate this. I hate this.
40:43 Speaker 06 Dr. Manhattan or pile, pile a sand?
40:47 Speaker 03 No, yeah, don't, I withdraw mine.
40:50 Speaker 04 It's called pileosend.
40:52 Speaker 06 Pileosend, but not palasand, which is the Pokemon. All right. Well, I don't know how to do the points on this because you agreed with Mark and Mark agreed with you. And neither one of you liked your own idea in the end, or maybe you still did Bob, but Mark didn't like his idea in the end.
41:05 Speaker 04 Whoever has the bluest penis should get that point.
41:11 Speaker 06 Mark, doesn't count if you shove a carrot down there.
41:14 Speaker 03 That's orange.
41:16 Speaker 06 I bet your penis will be choking and turning blue from lack of oxygen.
41:19 Speaker 04 What the fuck? I didn't choke.
41:21 Speaker 06 But your penis did?
41:23 Speaker 04 Nothing choked.
41:26 Speaker 06 Alright, Bob, this one, uh, has more to do with you, but you both can definitely contribute to this. Parenting. You know the pros, the cons, the struggles, the challenges of parenting? What mascot would be there that would help you get through the, those ups and downs?
41:44 Speaker 04 Is it supposed to help?
41:46 Speaker 06 That's the idea.
41:47 Speaker 03 Maybe it thinks that it helps, maybe it not supposed to, but...
41:51 Speaker 04 So this demon takes the form of, uh, basically a Reddit. It's like a big online forum. And whatever current parenting issue you're coming up against, whether you want it or not, the moment in your head that you're like, "Oh, what do I do?" Oh, it pops up filled with people giving you helpful advice. But the helpful advice is often in all caps. Often has strong implications that you're abusing your child, or that you're unfit to be a parent, or that you should feel embarrassed about the decision that you've made, or that they're just talking about how they've never let their child even see the light of an electronic screen,
42:36 Speaker 04 um, that they subsist on the dew of the morning grass and the power of the universe and, uh, that's the only thing their child needs to be fully entertained and content on a day-to-day basis. So it's helpful. It's offering you helpful advice on every problem that you might come up against in that way.
42:54 Speaker 06 Sorry, I got distracted by Mark's hand puppet. What do you mean? Bob, can you see this?
42:58 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:59 Speaker 06 Oh, damn.
43:02 Speaker 04 Yeah, no, it's still there.
43:03 Speaker 03 All right, you got, you guys are in full screen mode. I see, I see. All right, okay. All right, never mind then. Let's open to distract Wade only.
43:10 Speaker 04 There, I won't look. You get Wade, I won't look.
43:13 Speaker 03 All right, how about this? It's blending into my shirt.
43:15 Speaker 06 Yeah, maybe on the wheel spin, you can compare the colors. So tell us about your parenting mascot, Mark.
43:21 Speaker 03 Can't be a parent without sex. Don't care what those uppity's in the lab say. You gotta have sex to be a parent. I say we already have this mascot. This is Cupid. Maybe not responsible parenting, but I would say no other mascot has made more parents than Cupid. Whether or not this is drunk and in the backseat of a car, oops, no condom, there's a baby, you know, oh no. I did it. There's a baby, you know?
43:53 Speaker 04 Ah, we fell down the stairs. Oh no, baby.
44:02 Speaker 03 We all though hear how babies are done, baby, you know?
44:07 Speaker 04 She went to shake my hand and I, oh baby.
44:10 Speaker 03 I'm late filing my taxes and my period, baby.
44:14 Speaker 06 Doctor, we have broken every bone in our body, throwing ourselves down the stairs and we still can't get pregnant. What are we doing wrong?
44:21 Speaker 03 Flip, baby.
44:23 Speaker 04 Well, that was an easy, I like the simplicity of Mark's amper.
44:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, Cupid, he already is there. She, is Cupid a guy or a girl?
44:31 Speaker 06 He's like a little baby man thing with a, yeah, cherub.
44:35 Speaker 04 Uh, it's like a cherub. Do they, are they gendered? I mean, they look like, I think they're just kind of babies. I don't know.
44:43 Speaker 06 What's the other one? Aphrodite, isn't that also a god of love of some kind? The Greek, Greek goddess of love?
44:50 Speaker 03 Or is that the god of lust or something like that? God of lust versus love.
44:55 Speaker 04 Hmm.
44:56 Speaker 06 Lust is a sin.
44:57 Speaker 03 Okay, we got Anon Sa, goddess of the sea allure and beauty, Baron La Croix, Loa of the dead and sexuality.
45:06 Speaker 04 Whoa.
45:07 Speaker 03 Interesting. This is from West African Congo. Vodun. You got Baron Lacroix, Baron Samedi, and Ezruili Freda de Homi.
45:17 Speaker 06 Ezruili the Homi? What did you say?
45:19 Speaker 03 You heard me. Ezruili Freda de Homi. Love, beauty, jewelry, dancing, lingerie, and flowers.
45:25 Speaker 06 That's a nice combo.
45:27 Speaker 03 Hey, that's a pretty good combo. If you're rolling stats on that, you know. You're not, sex is in there, but at least you're not the god of dead and sex.
45:34 Speaker 06 You don't want to mix your sex and death.
45:36 Speaker 03 Not always. Anyway, I don't know what I was talking about. Ah, Greek is, Greek is Aphrodite, Roman is Cupid.
45:44 Speaker 06 Oh, okay. I didn't know Cupid was Roman.
45:46 Speaker 03 No, but that's not the equivalent. Venus is the Roman equivalent of, okay, I'm getting to think they didn't know what they were talking about.
45:52 Speaker 06 I'm your Cupid. I'm your fire. It does have the same ring to it.
45:56 Speaker 03 It's him, Cupid, get him!
46:00 Speaker 06 Man, I've got some more of these, but I just wouldn't want to push, but probably have to do a whole other episode of this sometimes. So I'm just gonna put those in the back burner.
46:09 Speaker 00 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
46:39 Speaker 01 Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger. Fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See cider store for details.
47:09 Speaker 06 How many more? How many more you got? Six. We did like four. Ah, guess part two. If people like this, maybe part two one day. In the meantime, let me go through the points I did record. I'll start with myself. I had at least 17 points probably. Let's see. I got one. Dumbbell porn. No, dumbbell pun.
47:29 Speaker 03 Dumbbell porn.
47:31 Speaker 06 Dumbbell pun.
47:32 Speaker 03 I hope someone took out their headphones at that exact moment that you said it and it played loud. Dumbbell porn. Porn alert, porn alert, porn alert. This guy's listening to porn.
47:44 Speaker 06 I hopefully that helps someone at their job. Bob, you got points for the new jungle. Cause it reminded me of the fridge jungle. Unus honest is dead. Wee tremor noises, rake, giant sack, jaguar, warm fuzzies, fuzzies. So this demon, cause you just kept saying the callbacks to this demon. I like that. The Reddit demon. And did you say palisand, the Pokemon? Pile of sand? Pile of sand? Pile sand? Sand? Mark, you got points for Da Vinci, Henry's orange tree, an AI assassin, your chord. Nick Hart. I don't remember Nick Hart.
48:25 Speaker 03 He's from Black Magic.
48:27 Speaker 06 Black Magic Design. Cracker Barrel. That says Cracker Barrel. Bob's point, cause Bob agreed to give you a point at one point.
48:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
48:35 Speaker 06 HOA experiment, friendship demon, shush the bench, Dr. Manhattan, I don't know, fusions, explosions, something rambling. And Cupid makes parents. That brings our current score. Mark at 12, Bob at nine, me at one. The switching of Bob's point really made a difference here.
48:57 Speaker 04 I declare unfair on the final point totals.
49:02 Speaker 06 Okay.
49:03 Speaker 03 What, what are we gonna, no points, no points, no points, no points, that would make it.
49:07 Speaker 06 Yeah, so what, what does this change? Do I reverse them?
49:11 Speaker 04 If it is unfair and I win, I think they should be reversed. And if it's, if it's fair, then they'd stay the same. And if it's to be made doubly fair, I guess Mark should probably get double points or some shit.
49:25 Speaker 06 Well, no, everyone would get double points, it'd be doubly fair.
49:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's true. And then we'd be doubly distant, but not impossibly distant.
49:32 Speaker 04 Well, it'd still be impossibly distant.
49:33 Speaker 03 All right.
49:34 Speaker 06 Eric. So I reverse the points if it's.
49:37 Speaker 04 If it's all heads.
49:39 Speaker 06 Okay.
49:43 Speaker 04 I got heads.
49:45 Speaker 06 Oh.
49:46 Speaker 04 Fuck.
49:47 Speaker 06 I got head.
49:50 Speaker 06 But hold on, if I reverse the points, don't I end up with 12?
49:56 Speaker 04 No, you don't. It's just me and him.
49:58 Speaker 06 Ah, fuck. I really thought I was gonna give myself the win there.
50:02 Speaker 04 Can't believe that worked.
50:04 Speaker 06 Fine, I could still win this, though.
50:06 Speaker 04 If we get golf rules now, I'm gonna fucking riot.
50:14 Speaker 06 Well, let's see the wheels. I've got, we get to see how many spins we get. The more, the better for Mark, who was winning this until Bob's perfect heads coin flip call.
50:22 Speaker 04 Which I don't know how I was winning it. Honestly, I think that was inappropriate unfair because I was not paying attention the entire episode. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, Mark was literally not even paying attention half the time. I was really, I was really working here. I was really doing stuff.
50:35 Speaker 06 I just wrote stuff down. Don't ask me. I just keep the points.
50:38 Speaker 04 All right, how many points shall there be?
50:44 Speaker 04 One wheel spin to rule them all.
50:47 Speaker 06 Gosh, fucking damn, it better be golf rules, goddamn. Do we have free parking? Just nothing happens?
50:53 Speaker 04 We have a do nothing square, I think, but I don't know. We have something called, you could put free parking.
50:58 Speaker 06 Ah, man, I really want free parking. Free parking.
51:01 Speaker 04 Now, do we play the monopoly rules where some penalty goes on free parking? If you land on free parking, there are points accrue on free parking? Ooh, yeah. No, what if, what if every point that's taken away goes into free parking?
51:15 Speaker 06 We'd have to keep track of it, but I think it'd be fun.
51:17 Speaker 04 I could have the wheel up and just keep adding, anytime a point gets taken away, we'd have to remember, but.
51:22 Speaker 06 If, if we remember it, sure, why not?
51:24 Speaker 04 I'll put zero points on it right now. Does, does it start with anything or does it start at zero?
51:30 Speaker 06 It starts at zero and then like, as like you pay bills and stuff, they start accruing. But the first time someone lands there, it could be at nothing.
51:36 Speaker 04 If we can remember, anytime points are taken away, they go into free parking.
51:42 Speaker 06 Okay, every time points are taken away, they go to free parking. Okay, weird scenario. What if points are taken away and then like unfair is declared and those points are, or the lie thing happens where they become points? Do they still stay on free parking because they were originally negative points?
51:56 Speaker 04 It's like, uh, it's like magic rules. Once, once a stack is resolved, that's, those are all done. So you can unwind specific parts, but like, the free parking is in its own separate thing, I think.
52:07 Speaker 06 That's, hey, I like it. Let's do it.
52:10 Speaker 04 All right, one spin to rule them all.
52:12 Speaker 03 All right, this is gonna be a hell of a point.
52:14 Speaker 04 I swear to God, if it's surprise golf rules. All right, most traveled since last episode. I haven't gone anywhere.
52:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, I haven't really gone anywhere either.
52:25 Speaker 04 I went 10 minutes away from my house, once.
52:29 Speaker 03 I went to an office.
52:32 Speaker 06 Which is the same distance, but probably took twice or three times the time to get to.
52:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, Mark drove a mile, which is about an hour and a half in LA traffic, so.
52:40 Speaker 03 Okay, wow, all right, it wasn't actually that bad.
52:43 Speaker 04 Do we wanna re-spin this?
52:45 Speaker 06 Probably. If we can't really determine who traveled the most, it's probably a re-spin.
52:48 Speaker 04 Don't do it to me.
52:51 Speaker 04 Don't do it to me. No!
52:54 Speaker 06 Oh, oh, oh, oh my! Only, you gotta be fucking kidding me!
52:59 Speaker 04 Fucking god! No!
53:02 Speaker 06 Oh!
53:03 Speaker 04 We have 66 options. There was a 1 in 66 chance of that happening.
53:11 Speaker 06 You won the coin flip just to get golf ruled?
53:15 Speaker 04 Oh, man.
53:16 Speaker 06 That's crazy. That's a crazy finish.
53:18 Speaker 03 Oh, man.
53:20 Speaker 06 Bob continues to be screwed by random chance, even when it's on his side.
53:25 Speaker 04 I don't understand.
53:26 Speaker 06 That was what, a 1 in 6?
53:29 Speaker 04 1 in 66.
53:31 Speaker 06 But with the coin flip included, cuz you.
53:34 Speaker 04 Oh, the coin flip was a 1 in 8.
53:36 Speaker 06 So 1 in 8 times 1 in 66 chance? The odds of the coin flip favoring you, just for you to lose, that's probably worse than that, I don't know. Anyway, Mark, you are back on top. You win.
53:48 Speaker 03 Is this my winner's piece?
53:49 Speaker 06 Yeah, please.
53:50 Speaker 03 I didn't pay attention to all this episode, but I was paying attention when it counted, when that wheel was spinning. And much like everything in my life, as soon as I start paying attention to it, it becomes real. Everything that's out of my periphery is not real. We are only what we observe to be. And once we stop observing, might as well be dead because we are. Thank you.
54:11 Speaker 06 Well said, Bob. I hope you've had a minute to formulate your loser's speech because the ups and downs of the last few minutes for you are severe.
54:18 Speaker 04 The overall probability of that happening is .19%.
54:25 Speaker 06 19 times in a thousand, is that what it is? Or 19, is it even worse than that?
54:28 Speaker 04 Yeah, nah, 19,000s.
54:30 Speaker 06 19 times in a 10, in 10,000?
54:32 Speaker 04 Oh no, yeah, it'll be 19, 10,000s. Or, or a little less than 2,000s. 2 out of 1,000.
54:41 Speaker 04 I deserved that. I deserved that. I knew I was, I knew I was tempting the fates, what I decided to call the entire result of the episode unfair. I knew that that was a stretch. I thought it'd be funny and I didn't think I'd get the, the 1 in 8 chance of getting all heads. I just thought it would be funny and I could put, I could protest and it would give me, and, and then I brought it on myself, honestly. I manifested that into my own life and I have no one to blame but myself. I run the wheel and it's literally just a, a, a piece of software I downloaded from the Microsoft store. There's no way to manipulate how it outcomes. That's so fucking unlikely. I don't...
55:29 Speaker 04 I deserved that.
55:30 Speaker 06 If it makes you feel any better, I actually threw because surprise golf rules, I was on the scoreboard. So I think with surprise golf rules, being as, anyone who's on the scoreboard is eligible when golf rules comes about, aren't they? It's not just the two competitors?
55:44 Speaker 04 We had sort of talked about that being a possibility. I think we reserved it for the viewers and listeners, but you know, I forgot that you were on the board?
55:52 Speaker 06 I forgot, I didn't submit my scorecard in time, so it's like I had the winning Lotto ticket, but the numbers expired.
55:59 Speaker 04 If no one noticed and you already said that Mark wins, then there's really nothing that can be done.
56:04 Speaker 06 He, you guys did the speeches and I just now looked down, I was like, wait, I was the lowest score. I deserved this loss too, I guess. So, um, okay, episode me. Great job, you two. You can find Mark at Markplier, Bob at MySkirm, me at Minion77 or LordMinion777. Stay tuned for the next one. Stay tuned for the next one where Mark will host. I had to double check, I've been, the score changed so dramatically, I had to double check what the final results were. Mark will be your host. Until then, I'm guest out.
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Previous Bob's One Man Show Next Shame, Shame, Shame Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated