Best of Henry (Compilation)

A compilation dedicated to some of Henry's most memorable mentions from the podcast. Rest In Peace, Henry. Order now at pandaexpress.com or a store near you. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

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• 1:32Speaker 03

  From shaggy dog tales to a life well-lived. Yeah. It's time for Best of Henry.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  You guys know Henry, right? You've met Henry. Henry is a rescue, has gone through a pretty traumatic past, was rescued, actually injured. But when we got him, he did not trust strangers. He especially did not trust men. He was like really quiet, shy. Now, after years of work, because it does take a lot of work, but with love and attention and training, he's way smarter than Chica. Look, no insult to Chica, but Chica isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the drawer. But he is like so incredibly smart. Point in case, I have a video with audio that I would like to play for you guys right now. It is very adorable. Don't get me wrong, this is very adorable. Listen to, listen to Henry.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Adorable, right? He sounds excited or stressed? Yeah, excited. Uh, we just picked him up and we're taking him home, right? Very cute. It sounded like he was laughing and he was smiling and wagging the whole time. So he's very happy. Now imagine that sound for 30 minutes straight. That gets annoying. That was incredibly annoying. And, and every like minute or so, he would sneeze all over the back of our heads and like shake and slobber all over us. Like all these elements are incredibly annoying. However, wouldn't trade it for the world. Love that dog. Yeah. Inside and out, there's no part that I would ever change about Henry. Like just a fantastic dog. Incredible. Lovely. Have I ever told you about Henry's piss oranges?

• 3:22Speaker 04

  No, I don't think so.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Well, there's an orange tree at a house we used to have a while back. Um, and it was, you know, it made oranges every year. That was real.

• 3:31Speaker 04

  Didn't it make limes, if I recall?

• 3:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  I'm pretty sure it made limes. Ethan told me that. Do you not remember that?

• 3:37Speaker 02

  No, I don't remember that.

• 3:39Speaker 04

  There's an episode from, uh, from, uh, Unisartis where Ethan was real sad and you guys were in the backyard. And he was just like, can I have one of these limes? And you're like, that's a, that's an orange tree. They're just, they're not, it's like, okay, I'm gonna take a lime. I mean, you're, you're just like, Ethan, those are oranges and they're not ready yet. And he just takes one and he's like, mm, wow, this lime doesn't taste very good. They're bad limes, Mark.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  I don't remember that at all.

• 4:08Speaker 04

  It was like an extended bit.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  I bet it was. I bet it was. Uh, but Henry pissed on that tree a lot.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  No wonder that tastes so good. They did. That's what I'm saying is those oranges tasted amazing. And I, they tasted better, the better, the longer we were there. I'm not lying, not joking. It's probably not because of the piss, but what is a tree if not a big life straw? Filters out the piss. Dog pee kills grass, flavors orange, breaking news. Yeah. I mean, orange, the juice is some kind of yellow.

• 4:43Speaker 04

  If I peed and it looked like orange juice, I'd be like, ah, close enough.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  I don't need to see a doctor about that. That's, that's good. That's very good, actually.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Plus, it smells clean and fresh. Or would it still smell like pee? I guess I don't know which way that goes.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Uh, so yeah, if you guys didn't know, LA is now a tropical rainforest. Uh, it rains non-stop here. It has been raining for like the past two days straight. It's going to keep raining for another two days. And then this is right after the second, like, big, what do they call it? The rain channel floodway, the, the rain slipstream.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  The skygoosh.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, skygoosh, yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  Skyussy is opening up upon you.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. So the drought was over two rainstorms ago, right? Maybe three. It was over last year. It's still raining. The grass on the hill is so long that it's starting to weed its way over the roads. It's a lot of rain.

• 5:38Speaker 04

  That's, that's weird.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, it's actually quite strange. Um, cause usually in LA, if it rains, the, all the plants are like, no, no, no. And you know, they just desperately try to grow and they've been going, no, for like months. That's what I said last year is like, they got so confused. There was a second spring because the plants all thought that winter happened. And then, cause after winter, rain happens and then they grow. All the flowers blew, or all the, the fruiting trees fruited twice. Yes, last year. Dogs don't care. Dogs don't care. It's raining. They want to go outside. And it's like, okay, all right. So I gear them up for a walk and Henry's been begging me all morning. And I'm like, dude, it's raining. Um, but he didn't care. Got my raincoat, go out. It's fine. There was a little break in the rain. I was like, okay, we'll just make it quick.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Go all the way out, get to the farthest point. Henry's like, oh, I'm gonna poop. And he does this little waddle where he's like, he starts to like, it's like a truck lifting, you know, it's, it's bad, but in reverse, he just, his butt goes higher and higher. He poops at an upward angle. I don't know if you know that about Henry.

• 6:39Speaker 04

  That's, uh, that's wrong. That's wrong, Henry.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  And it's hilarious because if he has a hill to poop on, he will, he will like, start to do this, like, this is his butt, right? So he's like, and then backs up the hill. So he poops up the hill at an upward angle. So it'll be sure to roll down through his feet, right?

• 6:59Speaker 04

  Sick.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  He, speaking of sick, he had a little diarrhea and he just poops all over himself, everywhere. Uh, sorry about the poop talk this early in the morning, uh, or whenever people, some people listen to this like right at midnight. So I know it's very early for some.

• 7:15Speaker 05

  No, I'm pretty sure everyone listens exactly in the morning.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  Yes, absolutely. On the drive out. Uh, so he poops all over himself and this ordinarily would be fine. We'll get back and clean up, but it's raining, right? Did you remember that? So the rain cleaned him off for you and it's perfect. Oh no. So dogs, when they are in the rain, I don't know if you knew this, they like to shake. So they shake. Uh, so Henry with poop all over his butt shakes a lot and we're at the farthest point and the rain just kicked up. So every few steps he has to stop and go, and then just everywhere on his butt is just like these, these long hair is this, it's a nightmare. And I have like quarter of a mile to get back home in the rain that's picking up uphill. This is not a lie. Both ways?

• 8:00Speaker 02

  No, just the way back. Uh, so then I had to get back and I was late for the podcast because I was, I was haphazardly with scissors, cutting, giving Henry a butt haircut. Uh, just because there was no way that I was going to be able to get him in the bath in time. So I was just like, eh.

• 8:16Speaker 05

  Have you thought about using Dogscape?

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Uh, that's pretty good. One point for Dogscape. All right. That's fair. That's fair. Where we are also, there's hawks around. So there's lots of hawks and, and Amy's always worried because there's like, they're going to scoop up Henry. And I'm like, Henry is 45 pounds. I don't.

• 8:34Speaker 04

  He's a pretty big dog for that. I don't think that's.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  I don't think he's going to get scooped up even if two together.

• 8:40Speaker 05

  I, even our wiener dogs, it's like 16 pounds is a lot for a hawk.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  A team of four hawks drops down with a net and they lure Henry to stand in the center of the, and the moment he puts his mouth around the paparoonie located at the center of the net, the one of them is just like, caca. And they take off in flight in pattern.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  It could happen. It could happen, you know?

• 9:02Speaker 05

  Hawks start using tools, the world gets a lot scarier.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  Those LA Hawks are highly organized.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  I really do think it was like four hawks in a trench coat that made me sign that blood pact to only have a one. So that they could have a supply. The real clue is when they sign the document with their beak. Henry has this really terrible, terrible, uh, habit where he will scratch his ear, like just real slow with his back foot, like in the ear. And he always goes, oh, when he's doing it, like, just like slack jawed. And then he always, and we look at it, we're waiting for it. He'll be like done. Then licks his foot every time.

• 9:38Speaker 05

  Lexi does that too.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  It's like, why, why?

• 9:42Speaker 04

  It's a health thing. It's like why, like dogs or cats will eat the, their babies poops. Cause they're like, oh, is, are you healthy?

• 9:52Speaker 04

  Now you taste healthy, but if it tastes, if there's a problem, you can taste it in the poop. Or you can taste it in the ear, you know?

• 9:58Speaker 02

  I don't want you, I want you to stop talking.

• 10:02Speaker 05

  What do they do if they taste a problem in the poo?

• 10:04Speaker 04

  They're all, ah shit.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  What will it take for you to stop talking?

• 10:10Speaker 04

  Uh, I'm never gonna stop talking, Mark. This is your curse.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  All right, fair enough. I don't have that fearing of death and also I don't have that fear of falling asleep and there's intruders. Because I always know, and I've, I've learned this now, if there really is footsteps, Henry and Chica would have reacted. That's like a nice saving grace because Henry is very attentive to random noises and to strangers and to intruders. Anything like that, if anyone's coming over, you know, if a delivery man is making delivery, he'll let us know. Um, so he's the perfect alarm for that and he goes off too often. He, he'll go off at random light that acts up, you know? If a shadow's moving too suspiciously, he'll, he'll start barking. If at night he's not barking, I'm not worried. So I'm fine there.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  We're screwed. I'm screwed. Someone breaks in.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  I play funny pranks on Henry sometimes where if I peer around a corner, like if this is the wall and I go like this, Henry will go,

• 11:05Speaker 04

  who is?

• 11:08Speaker 04

  And then if I disappear behind it, he'll creep closer and if I go like, oh, he goes,

• 11:13Speaker 04

  you can tell like he'll go.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  He's such a cute little dog. I gotta get that on video sometime.

• 11:22Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  For introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 11:52Speaker 01

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• 12:24Speaker 05

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• 12:35Speaker 02

  I think that might be them knocking on the door and because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. To them or the FBI, I'm not 100% sure. Yep.

• 12:46Speaker 05

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• 12:56Speaker 02

  You don't know how it caused like Chica the most distress she's ever, ever felt in her life because she's not a very like stressed dog. She's very chill about everything, but she was outside. And it was like, you know, she was in a part of the yard where there was a gate that went right to the front. So she was outside because she was sniffing in a bush and I tried to call her in because I was going to take him for a walk. And then she wasn't coming. She was looking for like a lizard or something. So I closed the door and I go like, all right, I'm going to take Henry. And then as soon as the door closed, she goes, whoo. And then she sees me putting the harness on Henry and she comes up to the door like, whoa. Just like, you know, like Sully in Monsters, like like, oh, no.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  So she gets more and more just like, no, what? And so as soon as I put the harness on Henry and I like take a leash, I'll be like, all right, bye. And I know the side gates open so she could go around and just meet me out front. There's no problem with that. But as soon as I round the corner, I've never heard her do this where she goes, oh, like literally sounded like her going, no.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  So I feel so bad, but I go out the front and I'm just waiting for her to figure it out and come around. And I just hear her still in the side yard going, no, no, no, no.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Then I just call chica, get over here. And she's like, just pause like mid, no, go.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  She is the most distressed I've ever heard of her. But I think that just goes to show that like, you know, although to us, that's like, come on, the side yard is open. But it shows like some, the mental faculties in some dogs and like the reason why there would be anxiety of like, just like she feels like, oh no, I know what they're doing. They're going for a walk and it's like, I want that so bad and they're leaving me. He must not realize I'm here.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  That's very mean, Mark. Good job. No, no, it wasn't mean. It was kind of mean. I felt bad. There was a bear. Not here. Here. How close? How here? Like visiting, staying with you or? There was a bear. I legitimately, um, so I was already in bed and Amy goes like, Mark. And I run because it sounded urgent and I get over there and there's a fucking bear. She had been sleeping in her bed, uh, which is right by the, the glass door there. And the bear had come up and just was like at the window staring at her and then you see her head go. And they just stared for a while.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  And the bear go like paused the glass like, like right on the glass. So chica gets up, wags. Then Henry comes over, looks, looked over at the bear and they're both just like nose to nose on the glass, no barking, no nothing. Um, and then Amy sees obviously and it's like a bear. And I run in and I'm like, hey, get out of here, bear. Get out of here. Just like that. Hey, you better leave.

• 16:05Speaker 05

  You are trespassing. I will call the police.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  It was late at night, uh, just two days ago. Uh, it was the same day we did that recording, I think. No.

• 16:14Speaker 05

  Are you sure it happened or were you still hallucinating?

• 16:17Speaker 02

  I might have been. Uh, I kinda hoped I was, but I really wasn't. So I let the pups out, uh, out front. And I grabbed some blueberries and I'm like, oh, the gate's open, so I'll, I'll, I'll look, uh, make sure they don't get out. And I go out there and I see, you know, Henry's peeing on a bush and Chica is standing in the middle of the driveway with her tail raised, looking up at something. And I'm like, hmm, that's odd. And it's dark cause it's night and we don't have a ton of lights, so I can not really see. But I'm looking and before my brain registers it, I got a shiver down my spine. And then I see a, a dark shape at the, in the middle of the driveway up above that Chica is looking at.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  And it's big. And I, I took me a second and then I go like, that's a bear. And I immediately set my blueberries down and sprint.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Panic of, I'll go, save those for later. Ah! I don't remember when I did it because it must've been as I was processing, but let's just say that I go, ah! Uh huh. Ah! You know, like I took that pause, right? And I, I sprint because it's, Chica is literally staring down a bear. And as soon as I yell Chica, she charges the bear.

• 17:39Speaker 05

  Oh, that's not what I would've guessed.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  She fucking charged the bear and she's doing her bark.

• 17:47Speaker 05

  Very scary. Sure.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Her very scary bark. And thankfully the bear decided that me also running screaming behind going.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Oh no. Was scary enough that the bear actually turned around and ran up the hill. And I'm like, I'm like, okay, I gotta throw down with the bear. I was like, I don't have my bear spray. I don't have my boar spear. You don't have your blueberries. I didn't have a blueberry. You're right. And I didn't have the knife I usually keep on me, on me at the time. So I was like, all right, I guess I'm going hand to hand with a bear. Here we go. Cause I would do that for Chica. I would throw it down. Um, I wasn't, I was about to let anything up, but I was worried that it was gonna run off and she was gonna run it. And I wouldn't be able to keep up and then I wouldn't be able to help. But thankfully it, it got chased up. And then I got Chica inside and Henry was so scared because he didn't see the bear. He only heard me yelling and then Chica barking. So he's like super confused, looking around.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  So I get them inside and the bear went up, you know, and it's somewhere there. The, like a minute passes by and then I see headlights at the top of the driveway. Amy got back home and I'm like, oh shit. She doesn't know that there's a bear literally right there.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  Oh God.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  She shouldn't get out of the car, right? So I look from the door and I see her get out of the car, pick up a package. And then I'm like, shit. So I grab a stick and I grab a light and I just start running up. I'm like, no, you're gonna get mauled by a bear. Uh, but thankfully she got back in her car. And she said, yeah, I was just listening to music the whole time. Just like, I'll get this package done. You know, I was like, there was literally a bear there too.

• 19:25Speaker 04

  It's like a horror movie. They pulled up with their music guy, which is like.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  It was exactly like that. She'll look around for the bear. You don't see it. She pulls the car further in the driveway. Then in the backseat, you see the bear's head raise up.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  The car starts driving away while Amy's picking up the package and the bear is just like, oh yeah. I can't believe that worked.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  The bear hid in the box. He was like, wow, this is a heavy package.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  What's in the box?

• 19:50Speaker 02

  What's in the box? What's in the box? Well, my, my thought is actually, I'm glad that she didn't get there a minute sooner because she would have, her car would have boxed in. Chica, the bear and the car. And I think it would have climbed over a fence, but that was, it was like, uh, uh. My adrenaline had never been higher than those five minutes. It was crazy.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials. Enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Kroger. Fresh for everyone.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  We went to the ocean and no one hates the ocean more than Henry. And no one love hates the ocean more than Chica. She gets her toes in and as soon as the wave come by. And then Henry just like stands at the edge and literally we're not even pulling on his leash and he's still like feet dug in leaning back like this. We're not tugging him towards the ocean and every time we're about to get near when Chica's going, he's still like, I'm ready. You're gonna betray me at any moment.

• 21:36Speaker 04

  He's like the opposite of that character who's he's like, hold me back, hold me back. No one's touching him. And he's like, don't make me. And you're like, just stay there, man. That's fine. He's like, I won't do it.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  The same way about the pool, but we took Chica to a creek. Finally, she saw like an actual like kind of creek, river thing. She loved it. She was in there waiting around and all the water was so curious about all the ripples, drank some of it, which is probably not great, but she loved it. Why does she hate pools in the ocean? She's a literal golden retriever, which are meant to be water dogs. And yet she hates the water, except for the creek. So maybe it's just specifically rivers that she was bred for.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  She's actually a golden creek retriever. It's a very specific subspecies.

• 22:18Speaker 05

  Our dogs will hop on like a raft in the pool. Ginger loves being in and around the pool. She'll like hop on the step and sit in it and stuff. Presley's a little bit more finicky about it. Presley is the only one that's ended up in a creek is because he was chasing a rabbit. We were just, I didn't take them down with us. We were just down at Lake Cumberland in Kentucky this past weekend. I wish they'd come with us, but we knew there was going to be some other dogs that they didn't get along well with in the past. I just didn't want to deal with it. So they got to go to vacation instead of my mom's. They're the only dachshunds I know that will kind of like tolerate water. The rest of them have always hated it. But Ginger loves water. She doesn't mind swimming. She doesn't mind sitting on a raft.

• 22:49Speaker 04

  I've never had a pro water dog myself. Lexi knows the truth about water. She hates it. It's all just different kinds of baths and baths are for idiots and losers. She knows what's up.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  Wait, do you have a video? Do you have a video of your dog doing that adorable tiny dog jump into the water?

• 23:03Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, I probably do somewhere. The Superman.

• 23:06Speaker 04

  She wouldn't do the jump, but we do have the video of holding her over a pool and she's all.

• 23:13Speaker 04

  She's not in the water, just trying to swim.

• 23:15Speaker 05

  We've got to have one somewhere. I need to find that. But yeah.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  I think actually, speaking of dogs, I've always said Henry's incredibly smart, right? He had an eye infection recently. He still does. He's going to take care of. So he has eye drops for it, right? So for a while, like it's like it's his inner, you know, dogs have two eyelids and the inner one is it was inflamed and kind of. So every time he looked like he had a big droopy eye. And so I started giving him these drops and he didn't, he didn't rebel too much at the first times. But I swear he asked me for the drop, right? I can't tell you, it wasn't because he'll come up to me sometimes and like whine if he wants food or something. And I go like, we already had dinner. It's like, you, you, you had dinner. You want to go outside? And he's like, he doesn't respond because whenever I say the word that he wants, he'll jump and he'll, he'll go towards the thing. And it was like outside, outside, going back and forth this. And I said, like, do you want, do you want the drop?

• 24:03Speaker 02

  And he goes, hmm, medicine? And he's like, huh? He doesn't know these words, but they're different. And I think he's tangentially related. So I, I get up and he's like, okay, yeah, follow me. And he, he leads me to the kitchen where we have the little eyedropper and I get the eyedropper and I pointed at him. He's like this, and he goes, ha, sits, tilts his head up. And I'm like, do you understand that this makes your eye feel better? Are you asking for it? And so I gave it to him and he was like, then he went off on his own. And I'm like, oh my God, he's so smart. Anyway, he's a very smart boy.

• 24:58Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger, fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.