Pod Insights Distractible Best of Bald (Compilation) About this episode No freak flags are flying around these parts, cause this is the baldest compilation in the wilderness!
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1:01 Speaker 02 Slaphead Q-Ball, hairline malign, follicle-challenged and bony ball-aligned. Ha ha ha ha ha! It's time for Best of Bald.
1:14 Speaker 03 I miss your hair!
1:16 Speaker 01 Oh!
1:17 Speaker 04 I don't, actually.
1:18 Speaker 01 Okay, that's fair.
1:19 Speaker 04 I miss not having all the gray hair, but like, I wish I'd shaved my head earlier in life. I wish I had just bitten the bullet and tried it, because man, I like being bald.
1:27 Speaker 01 I will not, I'm not looking forward to, I'm very likely to bald at some point. I am not looking forward to it. I have a terrible head shape for that. I have a very tall, very tall forehead, very flat sides of my head. I'm gonna look like a goddamn Easter Island statue when I have to shave my head at some point here.
1:44 Speaker 04 Well, I seriously considered like, doing like a wig of some kind, like trying to get a wig that looked like my old hair, and just like getting one of those, because I didn't know what I would look like. I think that if you're actually worried about, like that's a legit route to go, is like, try to get a wig made that looks like your hair the way it currently is, and then not to worry about it. I don't know why it feels like there's almost like-
2:00 Speaker 01 Get head surgery! Come on, just change your head shape!
2:04 Speaker 04 Oh, I thought you meant like, I thought you meant like hair repl- I was like, there is follicle replacement-
2:08 Speaker 01 No, no, the problem wasn't the hair, the-
2:10 Speaker 03 Tom was the head shape. You gotta listen. You gotta listen.
2:13 Speaker 01 So what? Cut my skull off, squish my brain into a new, better head shape.
2:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, just shave it all down, squish it in there.
2:20 Speaker 04 Can you imagine if they had skull replacement surgery where they just like literally just took your eyes, put them into a new skull and all that? That'd be awful.
2:27 Speaker 01 They don't have to take your eyes out. They just cut it off right here and just let your eyes sit in the bottom half while they put the new top half on.
2:34 Speaker 04 Oh, what if you want a new bottom half too?
2:36 Speaker 01 What's that Tom Cruise movie? That's some, uh.
2:39 Speaker 03 Face Off.
2:40 Speaker 04 Minority Report?
2:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's a Minority Report.
2:42 Speaker 04 Cut out the eyes or replace the eyes.
2:43 Speaker 01 You go, you go to a sketchy apartment and a guy sneezes in your open brain while he, while he puts a new skull on top of you for you. So you look different.
2:50 Speaker 03 The sneeze is good for you. Builds your immune system.
2:53 Speaker 01 Uh, there's so many antibiotics or something. It's fine. Lasers, just calm down.
2:59 Speaker 03 So you shouldn't be awake for this. Go to sleep. What are you doing awake noticing my sneezes?
3:04 Speaker 04 Well, I'm glad we got this into the, I missed that. I, I think I do miss that head reconstruction. My hair, I don't miss. I'm glad you miss it. I don't miss it.
3:12 Speaker 03 That's good. That's good.
3:13 Speaker 01 I am choosing to lose all my hair. I believe that having hair is against God. Uh, uh?
3:23 Speaker 04 You get a bald?
3:24 Speaker 01 Alright. Never thought I'd get a bald point. Not until I went bald anyway.
3:28 Speaker 03 If you don't, if all your hair doesn't fall out in the next five seconds, I don't think that point should count.
3:35 Speaker 01 Editors.
3:35 Speaker 04 No one ever will tell us apart now. One time I posted a tweet and I was like, hey, I hope you're all well. And you know what the first response was? Bald.
3:44 Speaker 01 That is not the only time that has happened to you.
3:47 Speaker 04 And since then I have declared war on social media. Cause I wasn't even bald back then.
3:52 Speaker 01 Well, you talked about it. You haven't talked about that for a long time. Since way before you were.
3:56 Speaker 04 Yeah, but back then it hurt my feelings.
3:58 Speaker 03 How are you not sure that your baldness wasn't caused by microplastics?
4:02 Speaker 04 Because I paid someone to shave it and I watched.
4:05 Speaker 01 What if your hair follicles are clogged by microplastics?
4:09 Speaker 03 What if you just need to wash better?
4:11 Speaker 01 What if you're not bald? What if you're just evolving?
4:13 Speaker 04 When did you say the start of the microplastics or our plastic age was, Bob?
4:18 Speaker 01 Uh, I mean, the, the back half of the 20th century is kind of like the plastic. Plastics came about in the like sixties, 50, sixties.
4:25 Speaker 04 Okay. Well, I've got some old family photos from probably like before that. I don't remember like great, great grandpa was also bald.
4:33 Speaker 01 Oh, sure. Before that, yeah.
4:35 Speaker 04 Well, I don't think he was young and like.
4:37 Speaker 01 But he lived in the lead and uranium age. So maybe that's unrelated, but un unrelated.
4:43 Speaker 03 That was lead hair loss.
4:44 Speaker 04 And actually, you know what? Microplastics causing baldness, I think, supports my side. So yeah, you know what? It probably did. Oh, my God.
4:50 Speaker 03 Okay. So you're saying baldness is a bad thing?
4:53 Speaker 04 It is for some. Have you seen some people's head shapes? Not everyone is a defolically gifted like me.
5:00 Speaker 01 I have like a crease and I have a big mole on the top of my head. I would look and it's dead center on my head. So it's not like a spot. It would be like a little target on the top middle of my head. I would look not great with a shaved head and I'm definitely afraid that that's the direction I'm headed because my mom's death father was a bald man and that's maybe that might be my future.
5:21 Speaker 04 You just grow it down here and it distracts people from what's going on up there.
5:24 Speaker 01 I can't. Do I get to grow a better beard if I if I go bald? Is that? Does it migrate? Because I can't grow a beard for shit right now.
5:30 Speaker 04 I mean, mine started around that time, but maybe not everybody.
5:33 Speaker 01 I haven't shaved in like four or five days. You can't even really tell. No hair grows here at all. No, I grow like a terrible little shitty mustache.
5:40 Speaker 04 That's because of microplastics, maybe, probably.
5:43 Speaker 01 Probably. It's almost definitely because, no, I mean.
5:46 Speaker 03 Ooh, that was an incredible chess move. You just got Bob to admit that maybe microplastics might be bad. That's double points for Wade.
5:54 Speaker 01 Microplastics would never harm me. It's probably Wade's fault that nothing grows on my face.
6:00 Speaker 04 Why is it Wade's fault?
6:01 Speaker 01 Because his head is setting a terrible example.
6:04 Speaker 03 Well, you're moving back to Ohio. You're going to be nearer to the source, the plague bearer of microplastics.
6:09 Speaker 01 Well, if I'm bald in a year, then we'll all know that it's Wade.
6:12 Speaker 04 We know with the amount of processed food I eat, I'm probably 90% microplastic at this point.
6:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, that probably actually is probably true.
6:20 Speaker 04 So my tits definitely ain't really more. They're pure plastic.
6:22 Speaker 03 Microplastic.
6:24 Speaker 01 I feel like that's points for microplastics right there.
6:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, that sounds like points for my. Do you think they look good? Thanks, man.
6:30 Speaker 01 You're going to credit those fabulous bazoinkers?
6:33 Speaker 04 I'm willing to give Bob those points if it means I look good.
6:36 Speaker 03 As you are now is exactly what you were then is what we're discovering.
6:40 Speaker 04 No, no, I'm bald now.
6:43 Speaker 03 Are you sure you weren't bald then?
6:44 Speaker 01 You've always been bald.
6:45 Speaker 04 This is like my sixth sense moment. Some bald people don't know they're bald. Looking in the mirror and their hair just disappears. Funny you mention that because I have got some small talk news that's bigger than me.
6:57 Speaker 01 Like six, five?
6:58 Speaker 04 July 25th, Carly Cassella wrote a nice article in Health called Surprise Hair Loss Breakthroughs. Sugar gel triggers robust regrowth. Oh. Apparently there was some kind of study going on where they were doing something with mice, which is pretty typical. And they put this sugar gel on mice. I don't even think it was supposed to be for hair loss. It was supposed to be for something else. But they noticed that when they used the sugar gel on the mice, they were like their fur started growing back better and thicker than previous things had. And they were like, huh?
7:30 Speaker 03 Wait, is it mice with like a little bald patch on the top of their head? How, how are these mice bald?
7:37 Speaker 04 I don't know what they had done, but I think they, whatever they were doing to the mice before, they didn't expect the fur to grow back, I think.
7:45 Speaker 03 What were they doing that needed sugar? Is this just sugar in gel form? You say sugar gel?
7:51 Speaker 01 Yeah. What is this gummy bears or what is this?
7:54 Speaker 04 Theoxaribos gel.
7:56 Speaker 01 Oh.
7:57 Speaker 03 Doesn't have DNA. Doesn't sound like sugar.
7:59 Speaker 04 Uh, but researchers have found it worked just as well as minoxidil, which is a topical treatment for hair loss, commonly known by the brand name Rogaine.
8:07 Speaker 03 Wait, so it's not better?
8:09 Speaker 04 Uh. How? Dude, I read the article five days ago.
8:12 Speaker 03 How's that a breakthrough if it's not better than the current treatment?
8:16 Speaker 01 Same, but different is still a breakthrough, Mark. Okay, come on.
8:19 Speaker 04 I think that they found that this was working and now they're gonna like, it was by complete accident. That wasn't what that was intended to do. And now they're like, huh, that's crazy. We should investigate this further. And I think we're at that step where we don't quite know yet.
8:31 Speaker 03 We gotta experiment. We just gotta put random things on your head. We'll start with tapioca. We'll move to elk's blood. And then we'll try lava for like a quick second, just to see, you know, if it might work.
8:43 Speaker 01 Dude, imagine if lava works.
8:44 Speaker 03 We won't know until science.
8:46 Speaker 04 Nice icy hot lava and then absolute zero ice.
8:50 Speaker 03 Yes. You have some?
8:52 Speaker 04 Doesn't ever. Absolute zero calories in my absolute zero ice.
8:56 Speaker 01 I, I, it sounds like you should get some sugar gel. Are you gonna, are you saying you're gonna try this or?
9:01 Speaker 04 I mean, I'm gonna wait till they do a little bit more research on it, but.
9:05 Speaker 01 The thing about this is unless it's some more than it sounds like it is, it doesn't sound like it can hurt you. What's sugar, what's sugar gel gonna do that's bad? Make you sticky?
9:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, exactly. Was it gonna give your head diabetes?
9:17 Speaker 01 Probably not.
9:18 Speaker 03 Diabetes is in the feet. We all know.
9:20 Speaker 01 I got skinobitis. It's just diabetes of my head skin from all the sugar gel.
9:27 Speaker 03 Well, anyway, wait, that's a great breakthrough.
9:28 Speaker 04 Hey, it's very important.
9:30 Speaker 03 You could do what, uh, almost every influencer who's balding does and fly to Turkey. Apparently that's the, that's the thing. And there's a horrific picture of like a tryptophobia picture of a plane full of people who just had it.
9:46 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
9:47 Speaker 03 I don't know if you've ever seen pictures of who had just got like the hair transplant surgery is, is horrifying to look at. And then it's a picture, it's a picture in a plane from seeing all these heads from behind. And they're, it's just, everyone has just.
10:02 Speaker 04 Is this the follicle replacement or like the strip?
10:05 Speaker 01 It's the follicle implants, isn't it? You know what it reminds me of? There's that one doll head in Sid's room in Toy Story. Where it has, it has the hair like that. It always reminds me that. Yeah, no, I get it. I definitely get that. If I, I might be starting to thin out the front here a little bit. And so I don't know what's gonna happen. Baldness does kind of run in some of my family.
10:27 Speaker 04 Me too.
10:27 Speaker 01 I don't know. I don't think I can do shaved head. I don't know exactly what route to take. I, I might just have to wear hats 24/7. I'm not entirely sure. I guess I should start putting sugar in my hair and not in my mouth. That'll treat both my diseases.
10:41 Speaker 03 You just gotta go to Turkey. I don't know what happens at the Turkey International Airport. But you step off that plane, 10 men jump out with dark cloaks and razors. You'll be.
10:52 Speaker 01 It's not at a hospital. It's just, you go, it's like one of those 10 minute hotel nap hotels at the airport, but it's a hair transplant.
10:59 Speaker 04 I have a, a hair person who shaves my head. Who swears by going to Turkey for different things.
11:05 Speaker 01 Is this serious?
11:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, actually.
11:07 Speaker 01 What is the benefit of having her shave your head?
11:10 Speaker 04 I have really thick hair in the back and there are times where I just flat out don't have time to do it. Cause it actually takes a very long time to get my head as smooth as I'd like to get it. So days like before I'm about to travel, cause we're doing like a family photo in Minnesota. It's like, didn't have a lot of time today. So rather than me spending two hours and like, then Molly be like, mm, you left a spot, you left a spot. I'm like, damn it. I just go there and have them do it. Cause it's quick.
11:34 Speaker 01 He's got a bald guru.
11:36 Speaker 04 Uh, she also apparently is just like, has all kinds of her, she, listen, I could talk about that lady for a while. She's so fascinating. She's the most fascinating person I've met.
11:43 Speaker 01 Is she from Turkey? Why? How does she have so many Turkey connections?
11:46 Speaker 04 No, I think she's from Russia, actually.
11:48 Speaker 01 That's closer to Turkey than we are probably, but.
11:51 Speaker 04 Yeah. She's got a love web and she loves to go into like, what's going on in her love life when we talk? And it's always so fascinating, but that's neither here nor there, but she, she's big on like telling people to go to Turkey. Cause when I came in and she thought I was 10 years older than I am, she was like, have you thought about going to Turkey? And having them do something? See, I don't look so old. I was like.
12:12 Speaker 01 That's the thing. Yeah.
12:12 Speaker 04 I could. He's very blunt, very blunt. Uh, but I found something in the article about the mice. They were studying how sugars heal the wounds of mice when applied topically.
12:21 Speaker 01 Oh.
12:21 Speaker 04 So the mice had like lesions or wounds that like no longer had hair growing on them. And they put this on there to help heal the wounds and they were surprised whenever it was also growing fur back.
12:31 Speaker 01 No, yeah. Sugar is good for wounds. Cause it's hydroscopic. Sugar, sugar really sucks the juice, you know?
12:36 Speaker 04 So they haven't actually, as of the time of me reading this article, this doesn't mention them doing any human studies on it. But they were, I did it with mice. They're like, wow, that's actually pretty effective. Molly sent me that and I was reading and I was like, that's kind of fascinating.
12:47 Speaker 01 Molly's sending not very subtle hints. Hey, look at this new treatment breakthrough for baldness.
12:53 Speaker 04 Yeah. Every now and then I, I wonder, I'm like, do you really like be bald?
12:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. It's great.
12:59 Speaker 04 I'm like falling asleep. She likes to browse right when she goes to sleep. It's like, what are you browsing over there?
13:04 Speaker 01 You wake up and she's standing over you with a big vat of sugar gel, just like, no, sorry, sorry.
13:10 Speaker 04 Are you hungry? Cereal. Where's my head? Anyway, that's all I got.
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13:50 Speaker 04 I think people tweeting the word bald at me has made to where I only get hair loss ads. I think the fact that I look at Twitter and it's just like, wow, Wade is bald, bald, bald, bald. It's like, then everything's like, oh, he keeps looking at these bald messages. Maybe he needs some hair. Well, what do people tweet at me then? Crypto scam?
14:08 Speaker 03 Do you get nothing but crypto scam?
14:09 Speaker 01 I get so many crypto scams, guys. Half of my entire Twitter, everything when I go on that app is just some crypto scam or web 3.0 NFT, whatever bullshit scam thing. And it's like, neat. I'll be sure to click on that.
14:25 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. I got some travel ad, a car ad.
14:31 Speaker 01 I don't like car ads. I love cars.
14:33 Speaker 03 Actually, a lot of car ads. Wait, no, why?
14:35 Speaker 04 Let me know if you find a good one. Someone is still looking in this group.
14:38 Speaker 01 I thought you had one ordered.
14:40 Speaker 04 Well, we've got one on wait, but that's more for Molly. I still need one.
14:44 Speaker 01 Ah, can't you just get a Corvette then or something? If Molly's getting a big people mover?
14:50 Speaker 04 I could just leave and go probably buy a car, but like, I want to figure out which one I want.
14:55 Speaker 01 You know what you should buy? I was trying to think of something funny, but there are no bald cars.
15:01 Speaker 04 Wait, are there hairy cars?
15:03 Speaker 01 I don't know. I was trying to figure out if there was. It's nothing.
15:06 Speaker 04 What movie was the shagging wagon? Where was like a dog? Is it called the shagging wagon?
15:10 Speaker 01 Are you talking about the, the dog truck that they drive in Dumb and Dumber?
15:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
15:16 Speaker 01 Hair. Fast or slow?
15:18 Speaker 04 Slow. I like being bald and the less I gotta shave, the better.
15:22 Speaker 03 He's right.
15:23 Speaker 01 You're both right, and this is a weird one, but I like getting haircuts. And the idea of like a nice, like, long, relaxing haircut, sounds kinda nice. Like, it'd be like a spa day, I'm imagining, almost. Kinda on board with that.
15:36 Speaker 03 I just don't like getting haircuts, because, well, it's my own fault, because I don't go to the same person. So every time, it's a real gamble.
15:42 Speaker 01 No, I do that, too. And it is a real gamble. But I like the reward of when you go and you get a good person, and you're like, oh, man, this is the best. Because a bad haircut, it's fine, but it's not, it's whatever. Not that bad. But a good haircut, surprisingly good haircut.
16:00 Speaker 04 I'm gonna haircut taken slow. Guess it wouldn't matter if you only do it once every however long.
16:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I'm imagining it'd be like a whole day or something. Have to be kinda, because hair, I don't know. What's a hair, how long do you think a haircut is?
16:10 Speaker 04 Okay, to be bald, man, I gotta, I gotta shave a little bit more frequently than most people. So it's like, it takes, we'll say, an hour every week or two, unless you're keeping it with a daily. Because daily, you can kinda get one of those things, just go over it a little bit. Maintaining bald is harder than maintaining hair, as far as like the shaving. You gotta do a lot more frequently.
16:26 Speaker 01 Anyway, we all agreed.
16:28 Speaker 04 So I think one of the best distractable topics would be
16:34 Speaker 03 Uh huh.
16:37 Speaker 04 Bald man's confidential terms. Ooh. Where the bald guy has confidential terms that you guys have to figure out. It's like a bald confessional. Yes, sure.
16:56 Speaker 04 Uh, you know, I got an idea for later.
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17:33 Speaker 04 Alright, continue. What's a bald, so it's not a bald confessional, it's bald confidential terms? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically, I would, I mean, a bald host, any bald host of us, uh, would come up with a, a catalog of different terms and terminologies, sentences, and assign points if one of you other, or one of us other hosts were to say those things. Wow. But they don't know that saying them gives them points. They just have to be confused as to why they're getting points. That's incredible. I, I, I didn't even give Bob a chance to come up with the title of his future episode that I'm going to do. So I'm gonna award you the points and the points for the title because you just clearly swept and, and, and deserved it all.
18:18 Speaker 04 Well, he told me to go first and I went for it. I appreciate that and I appreciate you. You got big points coming your way.
18:25 Speaker 03 Oh, there's a, here's one to you, Wade. This is, um, this is a very topical thing to you. Uh, high court, I don't know which court, but it seems like Scotland. High court rules, calling a man bald is sexual harassment. This is what Wade does it.
18:40 Speaker 04 I have so many lawsuits coming toward you, viewers and listeners.
18:46 Speaker 03 In the Scotland, yes.
18:48 Speaker 04 Uh, just so happens I might have land in Scotland.
18:52 Speaker 03 Ah, maybe. Are you a lord?
18:54 Speaker 04 I've got a one foot by one foot land square that makes me a lord. It might not be Scotland, but I think it is. It was a birthday gift?
19:03 Speaker 03 This is gonna be fake. It follows a lengthy legal case brought by electrician Tony Finn, who claimed he had been sexually harassed by his boss during a heated row in 2019. Mr. Finn, 64, made the claim against the British Bung Company, where he worked as an electrician for 24 years before he was fired in 2021. Yes, the British Bung, yes, that British Bung Company.
19:27 Speaker 04 Oh, okay. I remember watching the British Bung off.
19:31 Speaker 03 Yeah. He said he was a victim of sexual harassment after comments were made about his baldness, including being called a stupid bald C censor, censor, censor. That could be cock, it could be cunt, it could be crap, fill in the blanks.
19:47 Speaker 04 Cream, but spelled wrong. Sizzler, but spelled really wrong. Crisp with no I.
19:54 Speaker 01 Crank with no N.
19:57 Speaker 04 Cock, a cart.
19:59 Speaker 01 A jolly young fellow.
20:01 Speaker 04 Cand, D O D, Cand.
20:04 Speaker 03 C A N D, you got it.
20:05 Speaker 04 Carp.
20:07 Speaker 01 Carp, oh, you bald carp.
20:10 Speaker 03 You stupid bald carp. The three person employment tribunal panel, the highest court in Scotland, apparently, said the remark, quote, "crossed a line." It dismissed an argument that the comment was not sexist because women can be bald, too. The judgment said there was a connection between the word bald and the protected characteristic of sex, noting that it is, quote, "much more prevalent in men than women." Judge Jonathan Brain added, "We find it inherently related to sex."
20:41 Speaker 01 So this has sounded like it's not a joke.
20:43 Speaker 03 It's not a joke at all. Why would you think it was a joke?
20:45 Speaker 01 Cause you said this has to be a joke when you started reading it and I was thinking it.
20:48 Speaker 04 That's true, you did.
20:49 Speaker 03 No, no, I said it had to be fake. I couldn't believe it because I was aghast. I was aghast.
20:53 Speaker 01 Oh, I see.
20:54 Speaker 03 I was like, I can't believe this is the world we live in. Ag hast.
20:59 Speaker 04 I can't tell you the number of times I've walked by like a Scottish construction site and just heard them like whistle and go, "Bald." The bald calling, I'm glad it's coming to an end.
21:08 Speaker 03 In a perfect American accent, they're bald, bald, bald.
21:13 Speaker 04 I like it, bald.
21:17 Speaker 04 It's disgusting.
21:18 Speaker 01 For some reason, because they're on a construction site, it's just like a, like a New York accent in Scotland. It's like, oh, I can't even do it.
21:26 Speaker 04 Hey, you're bald in here.
21:28 Speaker 01 Look at this guy, eh, Baldy.
21:31 Speaker 03 Anyway, that's it.
21:32 Speaker 04 Great article, man. That was a good find. I'm glad that, um, glad that my kind is finally getting the recognition and treatment we deserve.
21:39 Speaker 03 It's only fair.
21:40 Speaker 01 Does that mean we have to stop saying that to you? Do you want, would you like us to make fun of you in different ways?
21:45 Speaker 04 I've just always considered it flirting and you guys are welcome to continue.
21:48 Speaker 01 Okay.
21:49 Speaker 04 I'm kinky and I like it.
21:50 Speaker 01 I'm gonna start calling you hairy instead.
21:52 Speaker 04 That is offensive and I'm gonna take you to the highest court of Ohio.
21:57 Speaker 01 The Ohio Labor Tribunal? No.
21:59 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:00 Speaker 03 I love a tribunal. We got an inherent tribunal thing going on here and I think that's the reason why we're so successful.
22:06 Speaker 04 There's always three. Is that why it's called a tribunal? Never mind.
22:12 Speaker 04 I see now, I understand with the name.
22:14 Speaker 01 You don't see a lot of bi-bunals.
22:16 Speaker 04 You don't. B-bunal? No? M-bunal if you're being formal.
22:22 Speaker 04 Are we doing small talk?
22:27 Speaker 06 The words are tooth, fairy, hairy, Wade, bald, water.
22:34 Speaker 03 Wade, your word is tooth.
22:37 Speaker 04 Ache.
22:38 Speaker 01 Dentist.
22:39 Speaker 04 Mouth.
22:40 Speaker 01 Saliva.
22:41 Speaker 04 Drink.
22:42 Speaker 01 Water.
22:43 Speaker 04 Rinse.
22:43 Speaker 01 Repeat.
22:44 Speaker 04 Brush.
22:45 Speaker 01 Hair.
22:46 Speaker 04 Dumb.
22:47 Speaker 01 Chewy.
22:48 Speaker 04 Granola bar.
22:49 Speaker 01 Hippie.
22:50 Speaker 04 Peace.
22:51 Speaker 01 Love.
22:52 Speaker 04 Happiness.
22:52 Speaker 01 Happiness but spelled wrong, like in the Will Smith movie.
22:56 Speaker 04 Slap.
22:59 Speaker 01 Anger.
22:59 Speaker 04 Jack Nicholson.
23:01 Speaker 01 What? Jack Nicholson?
23:03 Speaker 03 Oh, I thought you said testicles. Alright, okay.
23:06 Speaker 04 No, Jack Nicholson.
23:08 Speaker 01 Tiger Woods.
23:09 Speaker 04 Crash.
23:10 Speaker 01 Into me.
23:13 Speaker 03 Alright, we'll end it there. Alright, Bob, you got two.
23:16 Speaker 01 Yeah! What?
23:18 Speaker 04 What about me?
23:18 Speaker 03 Wade, you got none. Bob, you might have gotten one and a half, but I'm willing to give you...
23:24 Speaker 04 I swear to God, if one of them is happiness but spelled different, I'm gonna be so upset.
23:28 Speaker 03 No, that's not what it is. So my, my train of thought went from tooth, fairy, hairy, and Bob, you said hair. So I would be like, I'd give that half a point, but, or a full point, depending on what things fair. Wade, that was my next word. Bald, water.
23:45 Speaker 01 Hey!
23:46 Speaker 03 Which you said.
23:47 Speaker 01 What? Bald water?
23:50 Speaker 03 I'll give you a bonus point if you can explain how I got to water.
23:54 Speaker 06 I think of the drowned man a lot when I think of Wade.
23:58 Speaker 04 Uh, A is the second letter in both, and whenever you see my head, it makes you kind of get all salivaty and drooly and wet, and it, that makes it like water.
24:06 Speaker 01 I know why you said water. You said bald, but you were actually still hung up on Wade, and you were like, what else goes with Wade? You Wade and water.
24:16 Speaker 01 That's, there's no way that's what you have written down.
24:18 Speaker 03 You're so close, but so wrong. All right. So neither of you get it.
24:22 Speaker 01 Well, what did you write down? What does it say?
24:24 Speaker 03 The last three words were Wade balled in water. And then I think of the drowned man a lot when I think of Wade. Wade, you were in it. Water. Your whole house was flooded forever.
24:37 Speaker 04 You know, I'm glad the things I try to block out from memory are the things you associate with me.
24:41 Speaker 03 We made a documentary.
24:42 Speaker 04 I lived it.
24:44 Speaker 01 I have a T-shirt with that on it.
24:46 Speaker 03 Exactly. We sold a T-shirt to help pay for your walls.
24:50 Speaker 04 I have the shirt too, which is kind of productive to helping me.
24:53 Speaker 01 I want a card that you send someone when they start having their midlife crisis. This is like a congratulations on your midlife crisis. Greeting card or something. Can be anything. We live in a world where I can take any picture I want, or I can buy stock photography and get things printed. So the world, the world is your oyster.
25:14 Speaker 04 Got it.
25:15 Speaker 01 Mark on the front, right?
25:17 Speaker 04 Uh huh.
25:18 Speaker 01 It's not so bald. You open it up, packet of hair stapled inside, like you can have it as a keepsake. So it's like, and it can pop out at you too. Be like, here. It's on like a spring. You open it and the hair is just like boing, boing. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's got a sound bite in there, but it's that guy from SpongeBob going, my eyes, my eyes.
25:41 Speaker 04 I don't even have to go bald in my midlife crisis. You could just be bald or.
25:45 Speaker 01 It's that the crisis is not because of the bald, but that is, I feel like a lot of people will like get hair transplants because they're having a midlife crisis and they're like, ah, I can't be bald. I can't stay like this. I don't think you have to do that. I think some people look really good with a fully shaved head.
26:02 Speaker 04 Yeah. So I had a different idea.
26:07 Speaker 04 So you remember like the old Captain America, so you're having a midlife crisis.
26:11 Speaker 01 Sure.
26:12 Speaker 04 So it doesn't have Captain America, but it says, so you're having a midlife crisis. And it shows like, I don't know, a middle aged guy, maybe full head of hair, but graying or bald. And then like, I don't know, like a strapping model in the front seat of like a Corvette convertible going down like a nice gold paved road. And then you open it up and the Corvettes crashed it on fire and there's bodies on the ground. It just says expectations versus reality.
26:40 Speaker 01 You're going to die.
26:45 Speaker 01 Is that a threat? Or?
26:47 Speaker 04 It just says expectations versus reality.
26:49 Speaker 01 It just has, that, that gives a threatening aura to me.
26:53 Speaker 04 Yeah, don't go through it. Don't do it.
26:55 Speaker 01 Don't get the hair transplants, or?
26:58 Speaker 04 Maybe.
26:59 Speaker 01 I see what you're going for. Little, little ominous, little threatening.
27:02 Speaker 03 You could kind of read that as opening as like, it's already over, you know, you might as well accept that, you know, the inevitability of your demise. It could happen at any moment, you know, so why even try?
27:13 Speaker 04 That's really dark. Why is my so dark?
27:15 Speaker 03 There's that guy that thinks that being brutally honest is the equivalent of being interesting, you know, or like, I'm better than anyone, because I, I always tell my friends like it is. Hey, you look like shit today, Bob. Hey Wade, what the fuck happened to your hair?
27:29 Speaker 04 Whoa. It's gone. Uh, it's genetics.
27:36 Speaker 01 Man, I don't like that guy.
27:37 Speaker 04 I do get that one guy at every stream who, their comment is just Wade, you're bald. Every stream, someone thinks that's like an original comment. There's one person that comes in, that's all they say.
27:46 Speaker 03 You don't understand, they just had a surgery that gave them vision for the first time in nine years, and they, they just, their, their first instinct was to come to watch your stream, because it's what they wanted to see, and they just, they're so flabbergasted.
27:58 Speaker 01 You don't sound bald.
28:03 Speaker 03 I swear I hear hairs swishing back and forth as he speaks, must be his beautiful head of hair.
28:10 Speaker 01 You have the confidence of a much more healthily haired man. It comes through in your voice.
28:15 Speaker 04 I used to watch Wade for years and years. I thought really highly of him until I found out he was, well, bald.
28:20 Speaker 03 Well, bald.
28:23 Speaker 01 Yep.
28:24 Speaker 03 Maybe he had hair before the event, and it just like...
28:27 Speaker 04 How do you think we bald?
28:28 Speaker 03 I don't know, there's emergency balding. It's like a lizard's tail. When you gotta escape real fast, it just whoosh.
28:34 Speaker 04 I did use to keep a glass thing on the wall in case of emergency. You break the glass to bald. I don't have that anymore, but you are right. You know what? Points for remembering that.
28:42 Speaker 01 Please end in a tie for Wade. Please end in a tie.
28:49 Speaker 04 Baldist.
28:52 Speaker 01 Ah, damn it. I mean, it's, is it between Mark and I who's the baldest or is it?
28:57 Speaker 04 It's supposed to be?
28:59 Speaker 01 I have, I'm receding. You can see I have a little, I have a little, it's receding.
29:04 Speaker 04 Do we just re-spin this one?
29:06 Speaker 03 Look at this. It's like if you pull it apart, it's really bald.
29:09 Speaker 01 If I go like this, it looks like I've just all the way bald.
29:13 Speaker 03 I have real, I have the Vegeta hairline, remember?
29:16 Speaker 04 Dude, if you could come in here with your hair up like Vegeta's.
29:19 Speaker 01 My, my hairline goes as far back as my ears are over here. It's, it's climbing.
29:24 Speaker 03 If I, wait, if I lean back like this.
29:27 Speaker 01 Do you, you have so much hair, you can't even do it.
29:29 Speaker 03 I have a, I have a large crown, see?
29:31 Speaker 04 If we're doing this, I think Bob has more forehead exposed. What's your, what's your thing, Mark? Mark, you're all, what is it, mid-face? Bob's all forehead, I'm sorry.
29:41 Speaker 01 Wade's just trying to negotiate the point so that he doesn't, do the one man show.
29:46 Speaker 04 So honestly, right now, the funny thing is right now, you guys are tied. So if either one of you get this point.
29:52 Speaker 01 Yeah. So you're just trying to make it so you don't get the point for baldest.
29:57 Speaker 04 No, I can take the point. I just said, I don't, if it's between you two, we should re-spin. But if it lands on like listeners or viewers, do I take the point for baldest? I'll take the point.
30:04 Speaker 01 Nah, nah, you're the host. Don't let me talk you into it.
30:08 Speaker 04 I'm the baldest. You know what? Fuck you. I'm the baldest. We will do the tie spin.
30:12 Speaker 03 That's unfair.
30:13 Speaker 01 Oh.
30:14 Speaker 03 I'm the baldest. If I win, I'm bald.
30:20 Speaker 01 So wait, so if Mark wins, he's bald. If Mark loses, all heads, Mark is bald, all tails.
30:29 Speaker 04 Bob is bald?
30:30 Speaker 01 No, well, the, it would be doubly unfair, which would mean Wade would get two points.
30:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess it's between me and him.
30:37 Speaker 01 Wade has to do two one-man shows.
30:40 Speaker 04 I don't think that's how we're doing that. Heads for Mark, anything else doesn't really matter.
30:47 Speaker 03 Fell on the floor. Do I do that again?
30:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would re-flip. I would say that's a re-flip for Mark. Uh, you've better flip carefully though, cause mine was tails.
30:55 Speaker 03 It landed tails on the floor. I'm not lying about that. That's what it did.
31:01 Speaker 01 It's pretty immaterial. You, it doesn't, I don't think it changes it either way, does it?
31:06 Speaker 04 That would give me two points.
31:08 Speaker 01 Is that enough to affect the outcome, Wade?
31:10 Speaker 04 No.
31:15 Speaker 04 All right. Well, you know what? At least I beat the listeners.
31:19 Speaker 03 Wade, you have a choice here, and I made this one specially for you. It's worth double points, two whole big points.
31:27 Speaker 04 I think I'm down by eight, so this is where my comeback begins.
31:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, okay. Would you rather have hair?
31:36 Speaker 04 Go on.
31:37 Speaker 03 That is so long it touches the ground? And never be able to cut it again? So it will always be at least your height in length? Or shave yourself bald every morning?
31:54 Speaker 01 Hard to imagine what it would even feel like to shave yourself bald every morning.
31:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's weird enough.
31:58 Speaker 04 That sounds like a lot of effort. However, coming from the once having hair club, I know how annoying having hair can be and watching Molly like try to brush her hair, wash her hair and all of that. Having hair that long and that much of it, if you want to dye that hair, if you want to like, brush it, put it up into a certain like that is going to be so much more work than.
32:27 Speaker 04 Keep me bald and happy, baby.
32:30 Speaker 03 I like that. I like that. He's picking shaved bald every morning. You're gonna look, I do agree like, uh, kind of in a way having that long hair might be inconvenient, but also, you know, luscious locks, you could wear them in a certain style. But Bob, what's your answer?
32:43 Speaker 01 I wish I actually did have hair that long because that's the kind of quality that when a person has it, it becomes their entire life and you don't have to do anything else. And we live in a world where if that was my, if that was my curse, I would make, I would make that my personality. I would make that my job. I would be like a hair influencer or whatever like, yeah, it would be a lot of work, but that would, that would subsume everything about my life and I wouldn't have to have any other aspects to my personality. That would just be who I was, what I did all the time. And I could get help with it, you know, I have hairstylist, hairdresser, whatever. I'm not saying that I know for sure what that would be like.
33:23 Speaker 01 But I would be okay having the hair and making that that would be a very defining characteristic. And I've always thought I'm a nondescript, non-interesting, average looking like, you know, dude, like I'm just some guy. I thought I think it would be interesting to live that life where you're such a distinctive person because there are definitely people in the world where it's like, there's a thing, there's a thing about you that clearly defines how you look, who you are, and you clearly embrace that. I think that would be interesting. It might be difficult, but I would choose that.
33:54 Speaker 04 You go to vacuum, the vacuum is clogged from one hair, a piece of hair gets into your food and you turn into a magician where you're like, oh.
34:01 Speaker 01 Well, I think you probably just stop swallowing initially. You don't need to swallow the whole length of the hair.
34:07 Speaker 04 Sometimes it's like, you know, like if it gets caught up in like a pastry or something you make and you don't know it and like the very end, you're like.
34:13 Speaker 01 I think if it was, if it was that long and it was continuously going, I would probably notice that at some point and be like, oh, let me pull that out.
34:20 Speaker 04 Well, it can be wrapped up in like one little hairball that you.
34:22 Speaker 03 Well, then you just swallow the hair.
34:23 Speaker 01 I would just not eat the hairball. Yeah, I would just.
34:25 Speaker 03 Feel like you would notice it, but.
34:27 Speaker 04 Point being, being bald is so much easier and I look fucking great.
34:31 Speaker 01 I definitely agree that it's easier and you pull it off. I don't think I could pull off bald. I think I have a really ugly head.
34:36 Speaker 04 I didn't think so either till I did it.
34:38 Speaker 01 I have like a big, I have like a mole thing that I can feel is like a lump right here.
34:42 Speaker 04 I got a couple like, you know, I've got a bump somewhere. I don't know where it is. I got a couple bumps on my head. Just hard to notice. Unless we're tall, Bob, no one sees the top of our head unless we want them to.
34:50 Speaker 01 It's easily concealed. That's true.
34:52 Speaker 03 Absolutely. I think, I guess, I wouldn't know. But this one is also split 50%. It's even closer of a margin than the other one because it's, it's 338 to 333.
35:06 Speaker 04 This is people afraid of being bald and afraid what they look like bald.
35:09 Speaker 03 And the winner of this point was 338,000 versus 300 and basically 34,000 is Wade shaving bald every morning.
35:20 Speaker 04 Just specifically me.
35:21 Speaker 03 Yes, you.
35:24 Speaker 04 Would you want to have long hair or have Wade shave his head every morning?
35:29 Speaker 01 You've been waiting for it and here it is, Wade. This is your reward point for being bald.
35:35 Speaker 04 Dude, I already won best hair like a couple of weeks ago or whatever it was. So like, best hair, best bald. I'm the best me. All you other Wades and other timelines, fuck yourself. I'm number one, baby. Put me on a boat.
35:50 Speaker 04 And I'm bald!
35:55 Speaker 04 I don't like that.
36:02 Speaker 02 Watch new episodes on Spotify.
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