Anything Goes (Part 2)

Mark returns from his weekly hospital trip to warn us all about the dangers of eating vegetables. Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Learn more at uber.com/onourway Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 0:56Speaker 01

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• 1:28Speaker 03

  This episode of Distractible is presented by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Okay. How do you guys know when someone's really your friend? I don't know.

• 1:39Speaker 04

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• 2:11Speaker 05

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, makeshift Mark kicks off, displays the new merch, then tells his horror story of consuming babies. Weekender Wade refuses hospice cohabitation, clubs balls, praises to bangles, and earned dick as an assistant. Blame-worthy Bob has a warm pond, a mute mind, and quotes a nana's meme. From altered images to Californian philanthropy, heh heh heh heh heh. It's time for Anything Goes, Part 2.

• 2:50Speaker 05

  Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Hello and welcome to Distractible. Oh, was it recording? Now is it going? Alright, cool. Hello and welcome to Distractible, the podcast where you come for laughs, goofs, and maybe a few heartfelt boo-boos every once in a while. Have we ever made anyone cry in this episode?

• 3:20Speaker 04

  God, I hope so.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  God, I hope so. Probably. Well, I'm your host, Mark, the guy you know, the guy you love. All the listeners, you know my voice. All the viewers, you know my face. You know my eyes.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  They know your soul.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  They know my soul, and I know theirs intimately. Ugh. What's wrong?

• 3:40Speaker 04

  I like what he's got going on here.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  A little indigestion, I think. Oh, indigestion? That's funny. Boy, do I have a story about that. Alright, just steal my story, I guess. Yeah, go for it. Oh, I won't. Not yet, not yet, guys, not yet. Anyway, how are you guys, my fellow hosts? My fellow...I can't look at that anymore. Hi. Oh, thank God.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  I'm comforted. I like when you make a lot of eye contact. It makes me feel confident.

• 4:07Speaker 03

  Good, good, good, good.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  A lot of real, genuine, not at all disturbing eye contact.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  Yep, yep, yep, indeed. Uh, edit out my yawn. Double it for nothing. Double my yawn. Alright, this is Distractible, the game show where I'm gonna be hosting and subjecting these two to my whims. Where's my point keeper? Fuck.

• 4:31Speaker 04

  (laughing)

• 4:35Speaker 06

  Always love when you come prepared.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  Hold on, I didn't know I was gonna be recording.

• 4:43Speaker 04

  That's true. To be completely fair to him, he had no idea he was about to have to be recording.

• 4:49Speaker 06

  That's true. Only had about an hour's heads up.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  We were doing stuff. What are you giving me a hard time for? Alright, yeah, fuck you, Mark, idiot.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  Ha, little mean. That's a little horribly cruel.

• 4:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's hosting, man. You should go easy on him.

• 5:01Speaker 04

  Ah, you're right. You're right.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  I'm gonna write some points here. Grubbing out an address first, but then I'm gonna rub.

• 5:09Speaker 03

  I'll give you some points.

• 5:11Speaker 06

  You got points for six, eight, one, seven, Mark Drive.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Yes, I own my own road.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  Keep telling you, man, you're not, it's hard to stay inconspicuous when you live on a road that's named after your own self.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  No, they would never assume. They would never assume.

• 5:28Speaker 06

  That's why I live on not Wade's Avenue.

• 5:31Speaker 04

  It'd be like stupid in every conceivable way, but how funny would it be if you just, even if it wasn't you, if someone was like, ah, God, I love Mark. I'm gonna rename one of the streets in my town to Mark Avenue. And then just droves of people just show up like, Mark lives here, right? What is this? Which house is Mark's? And all the poor idiots who live on that road. I mean, it's not their fault, but fuck those guys.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  Look, like, maybe back in the day, my fans would be rabid enough to do that, but they're real chill nowadays. They're real chill nowadays.

• 6:03Speaker 07

  I don't know. I don't know, man.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Anywho, I gotta write, uh, points for, who insulted me? Who insulted me?

• 6:10Speaker 04

  Me.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  Wade, Wade, did you insult me?

• 6:12Speaker 06

  No, Bob insulted you. I was, I baited him into insulting you. That's points, right?

• 6:16Speaker 03

  Well, I'm deducting points.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, get him.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Who?

• 6:19Speaker 04

  Hey.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Okay, that was agreement. Alright, Wade. Alright, minus one point to Wade. Alright.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  Ben, I can't believe how well that worked. Ben.

• 6:29Speaker 06

  I was trying to reverse follow, follow, follow up. Never mind.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Follow la la la la la la la la.

• 6:35Speaker 06

  I'm fine.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Uh, so I have some small talk, uh, which many of you know, and many people have had questions about, but I'll let you guys. Go first, just to bait the engagement, to drive up the viewership and the listenership, which is more valuable than the viewership, maybe?

• 6:50Speaker 06

  Well, mine's meant to follow yours up, but you know what? I'll lead off with it because it's your fault.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  What the fuck? You're not doing well, Wade. You're not.

• 6:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, I'm gonna get you even more. So, uh, over the weekend, uh, Molly and I had a really, really wonderful lunch on Saturday. We went out like to a park, had lunch, got some, uh, shaved ice and, uh, came home and, uh, I decided to go upstairs and change into like some shorts. Cause I love sitting in basketball shorts, get comfortable. And I got upstairs and I got hit with like just the craziest nausea, uh, dizziness, vertigo spell I've had in a long time. And, uh, it's like, oh man, that sucks. Ugh. Sit down for a minute and shake that off. It didn't go away. It lasted six hours or something.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 7:35Speaker 06

  And Molly's like, do you think you need to go to the ER, the hospital? And my, my reasoning was no. Mark's there. People are gonna say I'm just copying him. So if I die, it's this guy's fault. He hasn't texted back, so he might still be there for all I know. I can't be in the hospital same time as him. That's his content. Yeah. If anything bad had happened to me, it would have been your fault. Cause I was like, I can't go copying Mark, go to the hospital.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  I'm deducting a copying point.

• 8:01Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I get it. I get it. Well, okay, wait, no, I shouldn't deduct. You didn't copy, but I'm gonna have this. I'm gonna put this under a lie category. This is a lie copy point, deduct lying the deduction of a copy point. This is, I'm.

• 8:15Speaker 06

  You don't make it worth twice as much. Cause I would have copied. I would have done it. I would have glanced like done it.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, if it lands on the, if it lands on the spot in the wheel, then this lie could either count as a point for you or doubly against you. So. That's true.

• 8:28Speaker 06

  All right.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  That lie might go hard if you get lucky. Yeah, I need to denote things that are lies. All right. Bob, before I get to my, my hospital story.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  Oh, you know.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  I really not that much. I'm still sick. I made James's life. I we I had to clean the hot tub and it got really hot. And so I was like, it I emptied it, but then I didn't clean it. Then I filled it back up and James loves it. So now we don't have a hot tub. We have the world's smallest pool because kids aren't supposed to go in hot tubs. It's not good for them because they're tiny. So we just keep it at like 90 degrees or whatever, some like warm pool temperature. It's the fuck. It's the best thing he's ever experienced. Kid loves just going under the water, falling down, scaring his parents, thinking he's gonna drown, coming back up, laughing about it, you know, kid stuff.

• 9:23Speaker 06

  You made James alive. That is true.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  That's true in at least two ways.

• 9:28Speaker 06

  You'd think that would be worth two points, but it's not.

• 9:31Speaker 04

  You also might think that I would have done some other stuff since the last time we all talked and hung out. But I mean, I hit some I hit some golf balls. Wade was there for that.

• 9:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  That was pretty fun.

• 9:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was good. I was good at it three times.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  You did great, man. You did really, you did really good, good.

• 9:49Speaker 06

  Oddly enough, I was winning one round and then I forgot to play.

• 9:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, then it was right near the end and you were like, nah, I'm not gonna do it anymore. And then no one hit any more golf balls for a while.

• 10:01Speaker 06

  I was very, very bad. And I had one round where I was like, actually, I'm doing okay. And then, yeah, we just kind of were like, what if we talked instead? And we all forgot about the golf part. It was fun. It was a good time.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, that does happen. Not to me. I wasn't there. I wasn't invited.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  You live well shit far away. And also, we're in the hospital or whatever happened.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  You don't know what happened.

• 10:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, you won't tell us.

• 10:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, we know that our text would ignore it. And you were like, oh, yeah, by the way, guys, sorry, I missed this. I'm fine. Like, days later.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Look, a lot of people texted me.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  We both saw your Instagram post and we're like, oh, God, I hope he's okay.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  A lot of people texted me. Look.

• 10:43Speaker 06

  People texted me. They're like, is Mark okay? I was like, I don't know. He probably just needs content.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  It's actually just a room you put together in your own house, just here.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  I'm gonna tell you about it, but before I tell you about it, I gotta show you guys something. This is just for the viewers.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  Oh. Get the pixelation ready editors.

• 11:04Speaker 06

  Oh wow.

• 11:06Speaker 04

  I saw a picture of that, but I didn't know it existed.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  Oh, it's flipped. Man, why did I set all this up just to be able to do this?

• 11:17Speaker 04

  Look, it's just not time right now. That bit is gonna totally pay off.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  It's gonna be so funny.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Sometime later, it's gonna be time for that, and it's gonna be hilarious.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Uh huh, yeah, okay, alright. Meanwhile, people can see on the wider angle the absolute mess that my room is.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  It's really not that bad.

• 11:37Speaker 06

  This is the filter to look like Michael Jackson at the end of Thriller when he looks up and his eyes are all fucked up.

• 11:43Speaker 06

  This is just that filter.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Look at this! Oh my god, is this what you think it is?

• 11:51Speaker 06

  Listeners, I would describe what I'm looking at to you, but I don't know if I'm allowed.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, you are. Why wouldn't you be allowed?

• 11:56Speaker 06

  Alright, Bob, you got it.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  I would describe what I'm looking at to you, but I don't know if I have the words to capture such immense inconceivable beauty. It's the Triangle of Fairness shirt, I believe.

• 12:08Speaker 06

  I think it's also reversed in the camera, so I'm looking at it backwards.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  I, we already said that. That already was talked about.

• 12:16Speaker 06

  Not live.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  No, literally like 30 seconds ago, I said like, whoa, it's flipped.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  I was talking about that. I said that.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Wait, do you remember how I sat down with like, man, why did I set all this up? The immediate thing I said before that was, that's flipped. Why did I do all this for that?

• 12:31Speaker 06

  Nah, I don't believe you.

• 12:34Speaker 06

  I'm too good of a listener.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  You know, if you're a representative of all the listeners, no wonder we give them so much shit.

• 12:40Speaker 06

  Listeners, rise up! And do nothing like a me. Like a me.

• 12:46Speaker 04

  It's a hymn.

• 12:48Speaker 03

  Your leader. All right, like me, I'll give you one for the like of me, but not for listening. I want to be very clear. That's not a listening point. All right, but I'm wearing the official distractable merch. I bet you guys wish you had some of these. You'll have to buy it off the website if you want a piece of this. Look at this. The Seuss. The Seuss. Is that saying the Seuss backwards? Oh, my God. Are you really? Okay, hold on. Does it say assembly instructions? Jesus Christ, you guys. The Seuss. I mean, the editors flipped it for everyone, I'm assuming, but you guys, man. Yeah, Mark's just trying to make us look stupid. Have you ever heard of the ship of the Seuss? I like this one. No, it looks good. Yeah, it's pretty good. They both look good.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  And then we got this one as the last one. Ooh, look at that fancy boat. We had two people make designs for the ship of Theseus, and they were both so good that we kind of just wanted to meet both of them. If you take threads out of one of the shirts of the ship of Theseus and switch it with threads from the ship, the other shirt of ship of Theseus, are they the same shirt? This is just a damn good shirt. This doesn't even say distractable. We kind of fucked up with this one because people are just gonna buy this because it's a good shirt. But it doesn't say distractable anywhere on it. There's no distractable whatsoever. I don't think there's anyone alive who would hear about the ship of Theseus and not immediately think, oh, I know that from hit podcast Distractable.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta, you gotta put that in, guys. You can't just go to the website, buy that one because it's just, it's about distractable. Man, we messed up. Not even the back of the shirt, there's no distractable anywhere? No, no, there's, I think actually maybe on the collar. Yeah, on the collar, it's printed. Do you see it, right? Oh, hell, yeah. Oh, yeah, I see that. There we go. Distractable there. So it's on there. It's on there. Yep. It's happening. Finally, God, how long has it been? Honestly, possibly like a year. I don't remember. It's been so long, I'm not even sure we ever had merch. Yep, I don't think so either. I don't think we did. Ignore the distractable merch sitting behind me. Anywho.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  My story. So, uh, I was in the hospital and I want to preface this. No matter how much you guys make fun of me for what I'm about to say, understand this was easily one of the most painful experiences of my life. Okay? Right?

• 15:13Speaker 04

  That's pretty high bar for you.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  It is. Yes. It was actually, it was actually one of them. It might've i- if, if it lasted any longer, it would be number one. Uh, but yeah. So I was eating carrots.

• 15:26Speaker 06

  Classic mistake.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  You guys know how I don't chew that good?

• 15:30Speaker 06

  No, I thought you changed that behavior years ago. I thought we talked about this.

• 15:33Speaker 04

  Were you eating baby carrots or whole horse carrots?

• 15:37Speaker 03

  Baby carrots, baby carrots.

• 15:38Speaker 06

  They were soft and chopped up.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  I like how on, online people called it me relapsing, like I relapsed into not chewing. Go easy on me, relapsed. Anyway, so I was playing a hilarious prank on Chica. And this is karma, right? This is all karma. So I was, I took a baby carrot and I don't know why. First thing in the morning, this is like right. I woke up, I went to the fridge, grabbed a handful of carrots. And I was like, yeah, this is a good breakfast. And I'm like, it's not the worst thing, but I was like, I'll do that. And then I went over to Chica, I munched one down and I went over to Chica like, oh, I'll play a funny prank on her. So I pick up her paw and I secretly pop a baby carrot in my mouth and I go up to her paw and go crunch. And she goes, oh.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  She really does the full, oh.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  So it's like, that was really funny. So I'll do it again, right? And I haven't swallowed any of it yet because you know, I was still playing the prank. I only one, one can't pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time. So I pop another in secretly and I go crunch and she's like, oh. She puts her other paw like on my head like, no, please, stop, stop. So I do it again. And then I think by then she gets it. She, I think she saw me put the carrot in and then I, then I put her paw down and I put another carrot in and I'll crunch it down. I'm like, see, it's not that bad. I get done with that crunch a few more times. See, I was chewing a little bit, but the, the thing was I was in the middle of the joke. So I did like four baby carrots at once, and then I tried to swallow that all.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  And it didn't go down very good. And I it's like, have you ever swallowed something and it's like too much and you feel the pain of it? Yeah. Down. Well, that gets a lot worse the farther down it goes. So what happened was um I got I had the baby carrots went down. And then they just stopped right, right around here, dead center of my chest, right? So right in the center of my chest. And I'm like, ah shit, this sucks. Ow, this fucking hurts. So I go to get some water. And I know shit's bad. When I tried to drink the water, it doesn't go down. It just right back up. I can't even get water down. Oh.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  I start to it starts to hurt even more and more because it's like your your esophagus has like peristaltic motion when you swallow it kinda is the same as the intestines where it's like rhythmic. It it pushes like it it squeezes things down so it can get things down. So it's squeezing and it's compacting it and it's compacting into a more dense ball of sharp. Baby carrot bit, partially chewed baby carrot bits. After about a few minutes, I realized like, holy shit, this might be one. This is unbelievably painful. I am now convincing myself that maybe this is a coincidence and because the pain is just me. Literally just. And strangest thing, and I'm sure it's just the body's response to try to clear something out, waterfall of drool, just like I can't stop.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Endless drool, but I know I can't swallow it down because it won't go down. So it's just. So I'm I make it about like 10 steps towards uh the bedroom. I think Amy was still asleep at this point. Call it to Amy and she wa runs out and and finds me huddled up against the couch, clutching my chest, just. Drool everywhere. Horrible sight. She was horrified, called 911 immediately. Woo woo, bunch of paramedics come in there. They take a look at me and I'm huddled over clutching my chest and I can barely get words out. Like when I say this was unbelievable, it was unbelievably painful. And I was just sitting there like, holy shit, is this how I'm gonna die? Uh, and so they get an EKG, they see it's not heart.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  But it's like the pain's just like fucking because it won't go away, right? Because it can't get down, it can't go around. So I take a wee woo ride down to the hospital. Where I have to try to explain people over and over. Yes, I've had a heart attack in my past. I ate some carrots. It's carrots. I ate some carrots. Even the ambulance drivers who I convinced eventually. Came into the hospital and they were like, he's got chest pain, but it's not cardiac related. He ate some carrots. And the hospital staff was like. Just because you say it's not cardiac related, doesn't mean it's not. So they get me in there and I'm trying to, it's carrots. Oh, it's carrots.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  Mark sitting in the ER going, I don't think this is how you fix a carrots.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  So I get in the hospital room and they're all very worried because it's like, I am. Like nine out of 10 pain, clutching my chest, spasming, ow. Uh, and so finally they do an EKG there and it's, they're scared first because the first machine that they hooked up to me. Sit was going.

• 20:24Speaker 03

  She's dead.

• 20:26Speaker 04

  I'm sorry to tell you this, sir, but you're dead.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  So they reattach the leads and they do it again.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  So, and they're like, oh, this machine's broken.

• 20:39Speaker 03

  But in the meantime, they're just like, oh, I don't know.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  So I got one IV here, one IV here. Oh, it's carrots. It's carrots.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  They, they make me think I'm dying. So they, they, they, they get the, the. They get a new machine in and they hook me up. And finally it's like, perfect blood pressure. Perfect sinus rhythm. My heart has never looked healthier, right? So then they're like, ah, hmm. Okay. All right. Well, let's get a, let's get the doctor and he'll talk to you. And I'm still in agony. So when the doctor comes in, I'm talking to the doctor as if like, he would know. What my chart said or something like that. So I'm like, ah, the pain, because it was going up and down. It pains back. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't even know you, man. I don't know your story.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  Where'd you grow up? Well, you came in here. I thought we were gonna do, alright, were you just hiding from someone? Or? I think it was just because they were in, because when it's a chest pain, they move so fast that they, because you could die in a second. So they didn't write anything down. So they just sent the doctor in. And so I had to explain to him through all the pain that I was eating carrots and I played a prank on my dog.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  Wrong. And then it was like, oh, you got, oh, okay. All right. You got food. Oh, that makes sense. Very painful. I feel for you. We're gonna get you some painkillers. So they got me some morphine. Helped a lot. They got me this thing called glucagon, made up medicine, definitely fake. This wasn't real. Anyway, they get glucagon in me and that dilates your esophagus. And I shit you not, if that didn't work, the solution to my problem, he said, I thought he was joking at first. He was not joking. Drink soda and jump. That was the second solution. That's what they did for Bugs Bunny when he went in there after choking on carrots. I mean, honestly, I, I really, because see, after they realized I wasn't dying, he was like, no,

• 22:34Speaker 03

  they're trying to make me laugh, you know, because I'm in agony and, and so I'm joking along too as much as I can. And I thought, he said, yeah, we'll give you some Sprite and we'll, you'll jump up and down a few times. And I go, he's like, I'm serious. Yeah, well, yeah, that's, that's the solution. Otherwise they get an endoscope and they push it down or pull it out. But you have to go under for that. So they got the glucagon and they got the morphine and I sat there for an hour while they were seeing if that worked. And then I started slowly drinking water and at first, before the glucagon, it was still wasn't going down. Then afterwards, it was like starting to go down. And then I got another whole bottle of water. As soon as it was gone, pain gone instantly. It was crazy, which makes sense because when I had, you know,

• 23:16Speaker 03

  bowel obstructions, as soon as it's gone and not like stretching your, your intestines or your esophagus, the pain's gone instantly. So I feel silly walking out of there. Because I'm walking out, you know, like no wheelchair for me, just like, like an hour after I came in with full wee woo, like everyone's like putting the dashboards to be actually, thanks guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa, la, la, la, la, la, la. But it definitely one of the most painful experiences in my life.

• 23:44Speaker 04

  I don't know how my pain compared because it's totally different, but I had, I had sciatic nerve pain, which basically like almost paralyzed one of my legs. One time it just got really compressed and pinched. That experience when you go in and like, I was, I was sitting in the waiting room crying, like actively like shuddering, like it was the worst pain I've ever felt. And I, and I, everyone in the waiting room was like, why the fuck aren't they seeing this dude? What's wrong with this guy? Cause I just sit there like, ah, ah, like constant. And the moment the, when the doctors see you, I'm sure they like, the way you described it, they see you and you have chest pain and they're like, he's fucking dying. Everyone get in here, all the machine, boom. And the moment they're like, oh, he's not dying.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Everyone just fucks off and you're still, you're still there like, and they're like, all right, calm down, sir, you're fine. Uh, all right, can I get a full history? Can you go back to, uh, age of 13, if you could? But, and the huge switch from you don't feel any better at all, but you feel like you're gonna die to the doctors being like, we'll get to you. All right, calm the fuck down. Like you're gonna be fine. That doesn't feel great. I, it doesn't, it's not very fun in my experience.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  No, not at all. Yeah. I mean, it, it makes complete sense. And I, the problem was I kept saying, I have had a heart attack in my past, but it wasn't because my heart was bad. It was a drinking thing. And then I have to explain that. And they're like, what does it mean? And I'm like half Korean, I get, you know, I can't process alcohol, right?

• 25:18Speaker 04

  What's Korean?

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, which Korean? What, what does that mean? What does that mean? So, um, yeah, it took, took a bit. Which half, left, right, top, bottom? Yeah, that's, that's what happened. That's why I was in the hospital. That's why, uh, all that occurred. It wasn't my guts for once. It wasn't, it was because I played a prank on Chica.

• 25:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I assumed you had like a bowel obstruction or something because you love to get those.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  Cause you were pulling a prank without a carrot in the world.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  I can't tell if he likes that or doesn't like that.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  I like it. I like, I like it. Like, I like it. I like, that's a lie. I don't like it. You got two lie points right now. That's a plus lie point, though.

• 25:55Speaker 04

  I've not even been the one to lie, I don't think, unless I did.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  Anyway, so yeah, very painful, uh, same kind of thing, uh, as an intestinal blockage, but yeah, totally unrelated. Not anything to do with my past history. I just, hey, chew your carrots. There might be something else. I'm gonna get a follow up and they're gonna look. I'm, I'm actually going to get an endoscopy. Just in case, cause if there's something else, cause I've had baby carrots before. Uh, I'm not the best chewer, but if there is something else, they're gonna look just in case if there's like a lump or, or something like that. Or some kind of like, if I've had acid reflux and haven't noticed it and it's caused like scar tissue up there. You know, there's, there's a possibility it's could be something else. So I am gonna follow up. Except when I called the doctor to follow up, this isn't my normal doctor, like someone they referred to me.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  Call them up. I was like, hey, I, I want to get a follow up because I was in the hospital and they're like, alright, what for? I'm like, literally the attitude I got. Uh, well, I mean, I, I was in because I, I had a blockage in my esophagus. Uh huh. And they said I should get an endoscopy. You need to go under for that. I'm like, why, yeah? Like, what am I supposed to say that? Anyway, they haven't called me back. I think I called the wrong number or something.

• 27:09Speaker 06

  You don't sound like you can afford to go under. I don't know if we want to talk to you anymore, sir.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, like they referred me to, to the doctor that they have at the insurance companies that evaluates your cases over there.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  This guy doesn't even know if you have to go under for an endoscopy. Like, we're gonna see him.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Uh, anyway, so yeah, that's, that's my story.

• 27:26Speaker 04

  I've never had that, but that's honestly a fear, kind of a, a, a small time fear that I have in my head. Cause I, I chew my food pretty well, but I'm the, I've had it happen where like, I'm eating something. I think you like, take a big bite and then immediately as you're like finishing taking the bite, someone is like, oh, hey, I haven't seen you in years. How you doing? And I'm like, and I was like, try and hork it down real quick because you're trying to talk or whatever. I've had a couple of times where I like, it got down there and I. Started to feel the start of that pain and then I took a drink and I could feel the water just like sitting in my and for a second I was like,

• 28:03Speaker 04

  oh my God, can that happen? But all like the couple of times that's happened after a second, it just goes push and flushes and I'm fine, but I that sounds really awful. I can't imagine. It's like really unpleasant.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  I doubt there's many foods that can do that. I mean, you'd have to be eating like chicken bones usually for something like that to happen. I think carrots was probably the best thing for it because it's sharp. Like it's crunchy, but it's not gonna tear my esophagus, but like a chicken bone would if it was fractured or something like that.

• 28:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, and carrots are are not very, they're not like water soluble, right? Like if you're eating anything with like bread or starch and then you try and take a drink or even just your saliva, it'll eventually dissolve a little. Carrots are a little more like.

• 28:48Speaker 06

  They get more plump and firm and you know, like keep growing.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  Actually technically, yeah, they they do kind of plump up, but I remember that Bill Nye thing about he dipped a carrot in water and yeah, did that, but I I think that all in all of the things that could do it, which are like the hard kind of foods like that, that's probably the better one to do it. Just harder to take care of.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  All right. My next episode idea is you guys are gonna have a baby carrot eating contest. Whoever can eat the most baby carrots in one bite and swallow wins.

• 29:17Speaker 06

  All right. A battle to the death.

• 29:19Speaker 04

  Mark's all stretched out, so it's really gonna be skewed in his favor.

• 29:22Speaker 06

  Oh, thank God. I've got my, I've got my Gluka gun right here, so I can pre-glue.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Clack, clack.

• 29:29Speaker 06

  I'm gonna pre-glue. I'm gonna expand.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  I am not stretched out because I was eating some things and it's still, it's still kind of tender. Like it's sore to eat things. So I gotta, I gotta eat soft foods for a little bit.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  You know who really wants to kill you are wagers and waitresses? Because they wait until right when you put a big bite in your mouth and you do like the first two chews, they're like, how is everything? Can I get you? You're like drinks empty. Like, do you need anything? You better say it with your words. If you do, I'm not gonna notice your empty cup and you're like, water, water, water.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  I know, I know that's a stand up bit and I, I know you're probably saying it, but I've never experienced that because there are many, more often than not, I am not stuffing food in my mouth and I've seen you eat. I've seen you eat. It's every second. You don't breathe. You just eat.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Your mouth is never empty when we're going out to dinner together.

• 30:19Speaker 06

  I occasionally come up for air. They don't wait for that moment. It's always the biggest bite and I, I swear they watch. They like creep around the corner and they're like, oh, he's about to take the bite. Let's see if they need anything.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  No, I honestly, I think Mark's spot on. I eat a lot. I'm like a big dude. I'm stereotypically, I, I eat a lot. I'm a big guy. You make me look like I don't eat very quickly and like I don't eat nearly enough food. I don't know how you do it, but I, I think it would be hard for a waiter to find a moment where you weren't in the process of shoving food in your mouth during a meal. I think that's a you problem.

• 30:52Speaker 06

  I, it's, it's like the former president once said, eat fast and carry a big straw.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, that's what he said.

• 31:01Speaker 06

  Come here for all of your history knowledge, listeners and viewers.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Did you see eat fast and carrot a big straw or carry?

• 31:08Speaker 06

  I said carry, but carrot's hilarious because of what happened to you. That's tragic because of what happened to you.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  That's what I meant. There, you know, I'm scratching all this out. I don't want to do anything.

• 32:17Speaker 08

  Shop Folgers Instant Coffee and more at your nearest retailer.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most?

• 32:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what. I think that might be them knocking on the door and because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are.

• 32:40Speaker 06

  Dude, them or the FBI? I'm not a hundred percent sure.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will, we're on our way. Uber, on our way. Download the app today.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  All right. So it is now well into the episode. The laughs just don't stop, except they do now because uh, there's no time for really anything else. We gotta go with an anything goes.

• 33:07Speaker 04

  Ah, dart it.

• 33:08Speaker 06

  I'm good at these.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Okay, you go first.

• 33:11Speaker 06

  All right, um, what are we doing?

• 33:14Speaker 03

  Anything goes. Whatever you want to talk about. There's things I could talk about that might not be topical. I could kick it off with something that is, is, but I also just told a big story.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  I gotta let, I gotta let him off the hook when he just jumped in and told you he's good.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  All right, I won't let him off the hook.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  You're on the hook.

• 33:32Speaker 06

  Uh, I want to talk about something. Our body design. I've been throwing football. I've been playing basketball. I've been swimming. I've been doing different things. And then like Bob said, we went and played a little bit of golf and my forearms hurt. I've been doing the sports. So why I hurt? Why those muscles like not recognize? I've been throwing football 20 yards for the last few weeks. No, swing a golf club for an hour and a half and you have to be sore. I'm a little bit peeved that my muscles weren't more prepared for that because I've been training them.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  You haven't been training them in golf?

• 34:06Speaker 06

  No, but they should know better by now. Like if I work them. Out in one way, they should just be prepared for everything because that's how body should work. Brain tell body be prepared, body no prepared. That's not my fault. It didn't do its homework. That's not my fault. It knew we were golfing like a month in advance.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  But it didn't prepare?

• 34:23Speaker 06

  It did not prepare.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  Didn't even take a practice swing?

• 34:26Speaker 06

  It's like, it makes me do all the work and it's like, why did we evolve this way? I want to get out of there.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  Okay, so did I tell you about my, I was tired and I had this weird brain fart that made me question the nature of my reality?

• 34:39Speaker 06

  I don't think so.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  So I was driving, um, and it was like, I, I wasn't dangerously sleep deprived, but I was talking in my own head and I forget what it was exactly at this point that I said to myself. But in my head, you know, you got the voice in your head, right? And I know some people say they don't and I don't believe them.

• 34:56Speaker 06

  Oh, it's there.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  So talked to myself in the car and I say something in my head that I misinterpreted. I heard myself wrong and then answered my question. The opposite of what I intended and I went back like, oh no, that's not what I meant. And I, I was like floored instantly. I was floored because I was like, how did I mishear myself? Who's listening? I was like, who's listening that could mishear me? What, what? I, I, I was, I was down the whole day.

• 35:29Speaker 06

  You're having a Dexter dark passenger moment or something, yeah?

• 35:32Speaker 03

  I mean, basically, I mean, they've, they've said a lot and I've brought up like the, the, I don't think it's even the right term, the bicameral mind. I don't think that's the right term for it, but it's like, the, the, the experiments for the, the two halves of the brain, like how one's kind of a silent passenger. And it's like, if I'm talking, who is listening and how could I mishear myself? How could I misinterpret what I said in my own head? How is it possible? Cause I answered the question that I asked myself. Wrong! What is that? Anyway.

• 36:02Speaker 04

  Did, did both of yous like realize the whole time what was happening? Like, one of you asked the question and the other one answered it wrong. And the first one was like, that's not what I asked you.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  Exactly. Yes. It was exactly like that. Like, no, that's not what I meant. And that's what happened is like, da, da, da, da, da, da. That's not what I meant. And then both of us just went, bonk. Wait, who's list, who, who said, who said that?

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Dude, you are one precious lens away from Sméagol golloming yourself.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  I mean, pretty, I think we all are, you know, I, I think really we all are.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  I'm really gonna have to stick to my guns and say that I just don't have an inner dialogue. I just actually don't.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  You don't see pictures and you're no inner dialogue, this guy.

• 36:42Speaker 04

  I don't. I, it sounds completely crazy to me. The couple of times in my life that I ever feel like I've heard a voice that like wasn't a sound I was physically making, scared the shit out of me. It physically, it like scares me so much that I'd like go and I look around the house. I'm like, who the fuck, what? I do feel like I'm talking in my head, but it feels more like if I was sitting in an empty room and I was just like, oh, I gotta remember to do that thing later. Oh, but it's, it's just silent thoughts. It's like I'm aware, I would say it out loud if I, if I was alone, but I'm not saying it out loud. So I'm just thinking it, but it doesn't feel like I'm, it's just a weird thing.

• 37:21Speaker 04

  I feel like you're right. I feel like I kind of agree with you that it's like a perception thing more than a different reality thing for people. But it really just doesn't, none of my experience lines up with the like, oh, I see pictures. Oh, I talked to myself like, I don't, I don't, I really doesn't feel like that.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  There, there, the majority of the time I think it's like that where it's like, it's not a conversation. It is just a passiveness that is applying, you know, words to what's around me. Um, but many times it's, it's actual, I, I have a conversation with myself all the time.

• 37:52Speaker 06

  I have conversations with myself too, but I don't hear my, like, if I'm speaking out loud, it's different. It's not auditory whenever I'm thinking. It's, it's in my voice and it's in the way I speak, but I don't hear myself. I don't know how to describe like the, the thought process of like, it's a conversation, but like it's lacking the auditory component while having the sensation of being auditory.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  I suppose that like, it's hard to interpret it one way or another because it's like, you're not, obviously not hearing it, but.

• 38:18Speaker 06

  I don't like the sound of my own voice and I don't mind listening to my thoughts because it's not my voice.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  You could have a conversation in your head with different voices.

• 38:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, then I can kind of hear it if I'm trying to do a voice, but if I'm just having like a, a thought, it's not the same thing.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  Does it sound like other people talking or does it sound like you're just being like,

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Oh, we have to go to the party, you know, you, you. No, I, uh, like, I think people get this when they, when they're like, oh man, I can hear someone reading that or saying that thing is like, I can, you, you can, I can anyways. Like I can have another voice in my head that is a perfectly different voice. Um, I can either apply to someone else that I've heard in my life, or it's like some kind of amalgamation. So it's like, yeah, I can have conversations in my head with.

• 38:56Speaker 04

  That's weird. That's the thing that scares me because I do get that sometimes.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  And if, if it ever gets to the point where I think it's not me, then I know I'm in trouble.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's what it's happened to me. It's been like, it's been like auditory hallucinations where it's been like, I thought I heard the voice from down the hallway and it was like a woman's voice. And I'm like, oh fucking, I'm home alone.

• 39:15Speaker 06

  I control what voice it is. Like just now, I just imagined Morgan Freeman's voice actually sounded like Morgan Freeman. He just said, I'm Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman. What a name. Morgan Freeman. Like, why are you saying that, Morgan?

• 39:30Speaker 03

  I think, I think you get like the impressionist version of Morgan Freeman, like saying Morgan Freeman.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  I always think of that, uh, that G mod meme of where he's like, they're playing like prop hunt and one of the guys is like, can you hunt me as Morgan Freeman? And the guy just goes, I can smell you.

• 39:47Speaker 06

  I think that was, uh, Gassy Mexican, right? That did the Morgan Freeman impression. He did a really good one. Um, but I was going to ask, wait, so how much silence do you guys get? Cause I would say the majority of my, whatever the, the inter monologue, inner dialogue stuff is, the majority of the time, I actually kind of just get like static, like silence. I get that a lot where, because Mandy's like the opposite. She's constantly thinking and talking. And so when we're sitting, not talking to each other, she'll just, you know, I'll have a face and she'll be like, what are you thinking about? And I'm like.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Nothing. Emptiness. Blank space. And I, people always act like that's fucking crazy. Like, but I just have silence in my head a lot. I just actually don't. Do you guys get that? Or do you have a lot of constant something going on?

• 40:32Speaker 06

  Mine's more like I'll be either thinking about something passively, or I'll be remembering something, or like having a memory or random thought. And then as soon as I'm pulled to like actively think about it, it's gone. Kind of like a dream. Like, I'll know there was something there and it's like, I don't know, I zoned out. Like, there will have been something, but I will have lost what it was.

• 40:48Speaker 03

  There's very rarely silence in my head. I mean, that's, I think most people would have to meditate to get to that level of Nirvana. I think you were just on a higher plane.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  That sounds exhausting.

• 40:58Speaker 06

  Kinda a little bit, but not really, but sorta.

• 41:00Speaker 04

  Like that, like, how do you sleep when you're laying in bed? Do you have, your voice in your head is like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're just like, shut up, we're sleeping now.

• 41:09Speaker 06

  This is why I'm awake till like five, six in the morning. No joke. That's why I'm up so late. I, I have trouble shutting it down.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  That's crazy to me. That sounds so crazy.

• 41:18Speaker 03

  Uh, when I talk about how I first was able to finally make myself all sleep, it was, shut up, we're sleeping now. Literally exactly that. And I had to like, uh, you know, so yeah, you got it. You gotta shut up. We're sleeping now. But yeah, we got a little quiet head over here.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, I guess I'm just a, a more elevated person than all you other people, but I literally just like, like that sound, that soft radio static is what's in my head a lot of the time.

• 41:44Speaker 06

  I don't get the, I'm, my brain's very active. Whenever like you guys say something and I miss it, like earlier with the shirt being flipped thing. It's like, that's because I'm always listening to you two. And also there's always an inner monologue in my head also talking.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  Oh, I couldn't do that.

• 41:57Speaker 06

  So I'm like, I'm like, oh, would that be funny? Uh, no, I probably shouldn't go with that one. No, let's, oh, that makes me think about, what were you guys saying?

• 42:04Speaker 03

  I have the same thing, but I've just gotten really good at trying to pick back up where things are. I don't have a success rate all the time, but I'll snap to it and be like, they've been talking. Context clues, context clues, context clues. Back in it, baby. Another nailed it again.

• 42:19Speaker 06

  I have to lean into it. I lean into the, I wasn't listening because it's my thing.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  I would never hear anything. I, if there's a TV on anywhere. In the world and I'm trying to talk to a person. I can't hear either of them.

• 42:32Speaker 06

  I can shut it down, but I have to actively be like, no focus. Like I can do that. But like, if I don't actively tell myself to focus on what you guys are saying, I very easily slip into like, you'll say something that sparks memory like, ooh, I should talk about that on this. Yeah, that's a good topic. That's a good thing to bring up. That's my small talk. And you guys will be like, Wade? And I'll be like, fuck. Yeah, I love Transformers. What were we saying?

• 42:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you've definitely said that before.

• 42:54Speaker 06

  It happens. It happens a lot.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  It feels like the opposite to me. I have to like remind myself I'm supposed to talk. I'll just be sitting, listening to someone and we're having a conversation, but I'll just be like, yeah, and I love what you're saying right now. This is so interesting. And then they'll stop and I'll be like, oh, I respond now. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. Ah, I know this, but I was listening. I just love listening to people. It's fascinating.

• 43:18Speaker 06

  And my brain picks up on every sentence you guys say at first and then is like trying to think about what I will respond with. And then you guys keep going and then I lose context and it's like, oh, Wade wasn't listening. It's like, no, I was trying so hard.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  You actually weren't listening though, so I'm just gonna keep giving you shit.

• 43:34Speaker 03

  No, he was listening. I wasn't listening at all. Actually, I opened up a completely unrelated tab just then. You could see by the light that shined on my face that another tab just opened and I was not paying attention. I'm gonna deduct a point for myself for not listening. Ah, that was a long turn. Who do I give a point to that for? Wade, Wade, was that your discussion? You get a, you get a, you get a, oh wait, no, I already gave you. This started from Wade's body design. Wait, no, that can't be right because it was something else. No, yes, brain tell do thing. Yeah, you got a point for that. Yes.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Well, I have news. Thank God Grandma's dead would be how I would summarize this story. A library book was recently returned after being borrowed for 82 years. In the front of this library book, there's an old school stamp checkout, check in thing. And it got checked out on, uh, oh, whatever, June. Oh, that's not even the book, whatever. It got checked out 82 years ago, approximately. And there's a big thing on the front of the book that says, this is a 28 day, uh, book borrow. Every day that it's late is three. In overdraft fees, which if you do the math would come out to eighty nine thousand seven hundred and ninety dollars.

• 44:47Speaker 04

  After eighty two years of not returning the book.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  Ooh, then that's not even accounting for inflation.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, that's just straight multiplying it. That's that's, uh, yeah. But luckily, the book was originally checked out by the person who returned its grandmother. And they were going through an old family home and cleaning out like an attic or storage or something. And they found this book and they were like, oh shit. And they brought it back to the library. And they were like, they left a note in the book, a handwritten note that said, uh, my grandma borrowed this. She's not going to be able to pay you guys. Sorry. And then shoved it in the thing. And, uh, cause grandma wasn't around anymore. Grandma had passed away.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Thank God.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  Thank God, because they would have owed ninety grand in overdraft fees. Sort of like the opposite of the situation that you have gone on with Apple, where they're trying to get that penny from you.

• 45:39Speaker 03

  Hey, they haven't sent a message since. I think I'm in the clear.

• 45:43Speaker 06

  They're charging you six dollars a day for every day you don't pay the penny.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  But what I want to know is who at Apple listens to our podcast? Because that's the only place that I know about it. And hey, wait, nope, not that. Hey, look at me, Apple. I want you to know that if you are listening to this and you are in any way able to get me free Apple things. Because I've been trying for, hey, I would love, I've been shouting Apple for a long time. And no one has been knocking on my door to give me stuff. And I see other people get stuff all the time. Why don't I ever get stuff, even though I got free stuff? Holy shit, wait, I gotta make a promo video for Prusa. Oh, fuck. Oh, that's like six months old. Ah, shit. Oh, God.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Oh, they gave me so much free stuff. Apple, wait, listen, hold on. I can be trusted with the free stuff. Hey, if you want to pretty, pretty, get Prusa. They are the great. They have, they're so reliable. Literally, this sounds fake. It's true. I think I know why people don't give me anything.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  That was a whole journey of self-discovery right there.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 46:50Speaker 06

  How many points did you lose for that?

• 46:51Speaker 03

  Another one, minus one for Prusa.

• 46:55Speaker 06

  I think you should lose a point for every day you didn't do the promo for Prusa.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  You're right.

• 47:04Speaker 06

  Oh, man.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Hope your grandkids one day come in and turn this sentence, because they trusted me so good. They were like, hey, we don't need a contract, nothing. We're just gonna send you stuff. If you ever need anything, you just email us, we'll get it to you. And they did. I haven't done anything for them. I'm the worst.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  You know what, Mark? It worked on me. When I buy a 3D printer, I'm buying a Prusa.

• 47:29Speaker 06

  Okay, that's good. I might.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  You would just buy it and leave it in the box, don't even.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  They were being used aggressively this past week for another YouTuber's project that I'm helping out with. So that's.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, so they're they're being used and they work beautifully, except one clogged, but that's not their fault. They were kind of sitting there for a bit. And also, the person who plugged them in used the complete wrong filament setting.

• 47:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, 3D printers gotta really chew before they process.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  All right, what's next? Wade, you're up.

• 47:59Speaker 06

  Oh, shit, I had something. Oh, you know what? I've got breaking news-ish yesterday. For all of my sports fanatics out there, I know who you are, the three of you, Tyler. Thank you for listening and watching. Uh, the Bengals signed Trey Hendrickson to a one-year contract. It's kind of wild. I know that's not something a lot of people care about, but this is a big star player that we've had for a long time. And they've had this negotiation going on for a very long time for this contract. And from what we'd heard, it was like, hey, we're gonna sign you to three years. You agree? Great, we agree. We're gonna give you this much per year. Great, you agree? We agree. We're gonna guarantee you the first year. I want three years guaranteed. No, we're gonna actually the first year. No, I want three years.

• 48:42Speaker 06

  And somehow, all of that turned into, what if we don't do any of the things we agreed to? This 90-page contract, of which we agreed to 89 and a half pages. What if we just do one year and give you an extra 14 million? Yeah, that's great. A week before the season starts, basically. I don't know, I don't get it. Other players are being signed, they're getting these contracts. The Bengals know what comparable contracts should be. Why are they so stubborn?

• 49:05Speaker 04

  That's why they're such a good franchise. That's why they win so much because they're really stingy and they make sure all of their contract negotiations are as awkward and last second as possible.

• 49:16Speaker 06

  NFL contracts blow my mind. I don't get it. Also, eventually are we going to hit like a cap of like, because every year, right? The next contract's a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. There's only like so much money in the world, right? And we, I know we keep printing it, but like eventually you can't just keep increasing 10 people's salaries every year while the rest of the world stays in one spot, right? Something bad will happen, right? It's gonna be bad. Can't be good, right?

• 49:42Speaker 04

  My understanding is whatever you said is crazy and that's not how it works.

• 49:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's. I don't know. I feel like we don't get raised. We don't work normal jobs, but even when I did, I didn't, I didn't get a raise every single year. It wasn't like, ah, you're hired as a clerk. You get $7 an hour. Next year, oh, you're hired as a clerk. You get $10 an hour. That's not how it happened.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know if it should be a 40% raise every year, but I do think people probably should get a raise every year. But you should like match the pace of like inflation and cost of living increases, but which they don't. Like in America, that's pretty uncommon, but like they should, but they don't.

• 50:21Speaker 06

  Which is why it's so funny, like really funny when you look at the whole minimum wage argument and how it hasn't changed at all. And yet the inflation from the last time it was changed to now is, it's so funny.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Funny because it hasn't changed at all and it's totally still the same value and, and amount of buying power for the same minimum wage and everything's fine.

• 50:42Speaker 06

  No, no, it's funny because those kids think they deserve money. They're like 35 million. I want 35 and a half million. And most people are like, dude, 750 sounds like, I don't know what the minimum wage is now, but for me it was like, dude, 750. I would love 50 more cents.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  Dude, it's not 750, man. It's not 750.

• 51:04Speaker 06

  That's good because that wasn't much money even 12 years ago.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  It's not 750.

• 51:12Speaker 06

  Ah, twelve fifty. It would love twelve fifty. Nope. Go down.

• 51:17Speaker 04

  Is it still seven and a quarter?

• 51:19Speaker 06

  It's seven and a quarter. Oh, no, it's less than twelve. It's less than twelve, man. It's seven and a quarter. I thought minimum wage went up a little bit. No.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  When I got my first part-time job, I think it had just recently gotten up to seven twenty-five. And I was like, yes, seven twenty-five. And then that's still, that was a long time ago.

• 51:42Speaker 06

  In California, it's sixteen fifty. Which is basically like three fifty in Ohio.

• 51:48Speaker 04

  But that's a state law, not a, not federal minimum wage.

• 51:52Speaker 06

  Federal minimum wage has stuck. I can't believe you said seven fifty. That's so funny. Well, that's how much I made as an assistant manager was seven fifty an hour. Oh, good. Yeah, last time it changed was two thousand nine.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Hooray.

• 52:07Speaker 06

  So wait, as an assistant manager, I was making twenty-five cents more than minimum wage?

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, more than minimum wage. So you're welcome.

• 52:16Speaker 06

  Oh, we also had no breaks because we worked at a food place. We didn't have to be given breaks. We got to work a twelve-hour shift with no official breaks and stuff. It was.

• 52:25Speaker 04

  That wasn't the laws, was it?

• 52:26Speaker 06

  That's what the truth of the matter was.

• 52:29Speaker 04

  You get like a fifteen-minute lunch if you work eight hour, I mean, not like I know employment laws anymore, whatever. That seems wrong. I, I worked at, uh, I worked at like Jimmy John's and pizza places. I only worked at food places. And we always got, you always got like a fifteen-minute lunch if you had more, it was more than an eight-hour shift.

• 52:46Speaker 06

  Fifteen-minute lunch? That's holy shit. That's so nice. That's more than I got.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, well, it's called lunch, but it's just a break. You get one for, for eight or more hours. You get one fifteen-minute break was what we always lived with.

• 53:00Speaker 06

  My memory's not the best. Maybe I'm remembering wrong.

• 53:02Speaker 04

  In the middle there somewhere, you get fifteen minutes to like go to the bathroom or something.

• 53:06Speaker 06

  But I worked there for two and a half years and I'm pretty sure, two years, I'm sure I never got an official break ever.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  I was a delivery driver, so like we would just go hide in the walk-in or just not come back for a while from deliveries. So, you know, like I found breaks, but they weren't, they weren't paying me enough to not do that.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you're paid that little and it's, you know, it's, it's been a while since I worked a job like that and I've worked my fair share. I don't even remember at that sushi place. Did we get any breaks? I never really took a break anywhere because I was standing around most of the time. Anyway.

• 53:40Speaker 04

  We didn't really get official breaks. My, I was always a busser. I never, you switched and I never switched. My only breaks I remember was you could stand in dry glasses and that was like, you could sort of lean in the back and dry glasses and that was it.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:53Speaker 04

  We never really had like a break, break, but you, they would give us, they would feed us if you started or, or before dinner started, you would come in and you could get a family meal or whatever. And it was really good.

• 54:03Speaker 03

  That's why that job was so great. And then when I got, when I couldn't go back to it, because I had my, my whole explosion going on.

• 54:10Speaker 04

  Yeah. Your inside explosion.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  Actually, it was after that. I had my back. I had a lot of back pain for some reason. I think it was related to it was either before, I can't remember when it was, but that was a great job. And then I, yeah, probably.

• 54:21Speaker 06

  Ohio nor federal law requires a place to legally give you a break so you can be worked 12 hours with no meal or rest breaks.

• 54:28Speaker 04

  All right. Well, that must've just been policy at the places that I worked, but.

• 54:32Speaker 06

  Most good places give them.

• 54:34Speaker 04

  I mean, 15 minutes, 15 minute break in an eight hour shift, really not asking that much.

• 54:40Speaker 06

  Ohio, not too great, huh, man?

• 54:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, next time I go work my minimum wage job, I'll let you know how hard it is.

• 54:48Speaker 06

  Oh, man.

• 54:49Speaker 04

  Honestly, if you're hiring people for a specific job or task or something, and they get all their work done, why do you fucking care what they do? If you, if I pay you to work a full-time job, which is 40 hours a week, and you can do every single thing I expect of you in 38 hours or 35 hours or 25 hour, who fucking cares? I guess I could be like, well, I should assign you more work, but like, that's not how jobs work. If you do your job, you do it well, good job. The whole obsession with like, gotta be in the office. You gotta be available in certain hours. Like, man, you guys need a fucking life. You guys need something outside of work to care about. Don't you have like a family or something or anything?

• 55:32Speaker 06

  Not anymore.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Maybe that's judgy and shitty of me, but I never, never understood the obsession with that sort of stuff.

• 55:41Speaker 00

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• 56:10Speaker 01

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• 56:43Speaker 03

  So that'll bring us to a conclusion. Wade, you got anything negative to say about California? Be careful, my pencil's on the paper.

• 56:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, your taxes fucking blow.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  Got 'em.

• 56:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, our taxes pay for the benefits. I don't care what fucking California taxes pay for, I don't live there. Maybe you should. Boo. Gulf of... What is our country called? The United States or whatever is better. Fuck the Pacific.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  Is that where Ohio's located? The Gulf of the United States?

• 57:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, just twice removed. It's like...

• 57:14Speaker 04

  We're on the shoreline of the Gulf of the Gulf of the Gulf of the United States. You know, Kentucky.

• 57:21Speaker 06

  We're considered east, go Midwest. Fuck.

• 57:25Speaker 04

  Honestly, we should be our own region. There's all this stuff where people are like, "Ohio's not Midwest." And like culturally, a lot of Ohio is, but I get it, because we're pretty far east. But we're definitely not East Coast. I feel like Ohio Valley... I mean, what are we, Great Lakes region? Do we get to be included in that? Are we Great Lakesy? We touched, we touched one of those. Touch it all over. We put all our nastiest shit into the Lake Erie. Lights on fire by us, because it's cool.

• 57:51Speaker 06

  Thank God the Ohio River's never had anything bad go into it.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a good river. Good river.

• 57:56Speaker 03

  That was great, guys. It was great. It was great. Man, Wade, your size is weird. What's that mean? What's that mean? It's it's got two lie points, some negatives, a scratched out completely thing going on here. Man, you might want to flip that coin. Some ain't right.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  All right, unfair. I'll do it right now. All right, I well, you didn't. I didn't. What is it for? What what's unfair? Say, let me read it first, and then you could. No, I declare unfair. To your points? Yes. All of Wade's points are unfair. I like this. This could go. It's go really well for me. All right. So if it's all unfair, then I need to reverse all of the points values. But I'll tell you that's not going to help you. No, I like this. This is good. At least they'd be fair. You couldn't let me read them first. All right. No, that would have been more unfair. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. Where's my coin? There it is. Here we go.

• 59:01Speaker 03

  Heads? Tails. Tails. Tails. Sorry, bud. All right. Very fair. Very fair points. Fair points. Thank you, Mark, for fair game. All right. So Bob, you got you made James alive. You can't hear voices in your head, nerd. Uh, shut up. We're sleeping now. Thank God Grandma's dead. And then there was a lot more discussion after that, and I kind of stopped writing. Um, but that's four points for Bob there. Oh, low bar. Wade, you lost a point for agreeing for agreeing with me for agreement. Man, see, things like that, you could have said. You could have said, oh, no, you were both were in agreement that you should lose a point. That's what it was. Oh, that's right. We agreed Wade should lose a point. That's right. I don't think I did. That's what I was agreeing to. But yeah, I guess I did.

• 59:45Speaker 03

  I have a minus one copying point, but that's a lie, so it doesn't count right now. Unless. Unless the real makes it count. You got one point for like a me. Ah. Then you got a plus one point without a carrot in the world. Because you choked on a carrot. You remember that? It's also a lie point. So it doesn't count.

• 1:00:07Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  So you, there was a point for eat fast and carrot something. I crossed out.

• 1:00:13Speaker 06

  Carrot a big something straw, carrot a big straw.

• 1:00:17Speaker 03

  He didn't say, he didn't say carrot a big straw. He said carry a big straw. Oh, actually, it was a minus one point and I scratched it out because I felt like that was unfair. Well, I think you should probably count that one. Too late now. Anyway, and then you got one for Wade's body design. So you're a net plus one. It left the lies coming.

• 1:00:38Speaker 06

  All right, baby.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  All right. Okay. We got this. Thank God I set such a low bar. I feel like the contextualization of the unfair, you can frame it in a way that even if it doesn't come up the way you want. I believe you could wait in the future. I believe you can use the unfair coin. If you word your unfair carefully, so that if it turns up the more likely thing, then you might still benefit.

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  I think it's unfair that unfair was already used and we should get to use it again.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, too late.

• 1:01:06Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:01:06Speaker 03

  Wade calls super secret double unfair. How many?

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  It's gonna be two. All right.

• 1:01:16Speaker 06

  One man show.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  What do we add to the wheel, Mark? Let's put another lie one on there because I, I want it to work. Wait, what are the lies ones that are there? So lie, lie, lie points count? No, there's already a lie points count and there's always a lie points. I think there's a lie point doubling or reverse. Lie points doubled, lie points don't count. Okay. So lie points do count, but that wouldn't matter because he had a plus and a minus lie point. So you're still at one? One. Oh, cool. But okay. All right. Okay. Let's do another lie. One is like, um. Lie, absolute value of lie points. Yes. Yeah, that's great. That's, that was, that was how I was thinking. Like all lie points are positive. So it's absolute, absolute lies.

• 1:02:00Speaker 06

  Absolute value. Oh man, we're going into real math.

• 1:02:03Speaker 03

  Lie points absolute. We'll definitely remember what that means. Yeah. I think we, if you put the two lines around absolute, you, you, I think we'll remember that. Oh, I see where I get that. Ah, nice. All right. All right. We got two spins coming up. Two spins. Wade, you have a chance technically. Also surprised golf rules is out here still.

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  Happiest contribution? You did make James alive, Bob, but. Wade was complaining about his forearms hurting.

• 1:02:32Speaker 04

  I saved great granddaughter eighty thousand, ninety thousand dollars.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 1:02:40Speaker 06

  I complained about pay.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  And I talked about my pain, so I think that goes to Bob. Now, Wade, don't get discouraged.

• 1:02:47Speaker 06

  Now, hold on, pain, payment, arm soreness, those are, yeah, I think Bob gets it.

• 1:02:52Speaker 04

  You could still win.

• 1:02:54Speaker 06

  I could. There's ways.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  Theoretically, and it would be hilarious.

• 1:02:59Speaker 03

  This wheel is dense.

• 1:03:02Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:03:02Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:03:03Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  Holy shit.

• 1:03:07Speaker 06

  How many points that give me?

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  All right, so you had two lie points, one negative, one positive. Now, both of those are positive. Since they canceled each other out, that's a net gain of two points.

• 1:03:18Speaker 06

  That gets me to?

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  Three.

• 1:03:21Speaker 06

  Wait, does the scratched out point, was that a lie? Does it count now too?

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  No, no, even if that did, it would still only get you to four. Um, Bob has five points.

• 1:03:30Speaker 06

  Re spin, re spin, re spin.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  No. That was really good about you getting the absolute. That's how lies can really come in.

• 1:03:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, that makes lies a big swing, actually. I kind of like that because the other ones kind of like make them kind of like risky, but that one's like.

• 1:03:44Speaker 06

  Hmm, okay.

• 1:03:46Speaker 03

  Well, Bob wins. I think no matter which way I look at this, it's the winner. Uh, so, uh, Bob, how do you feel?

• 1:03:54Speaker 04

  As the greatest competitor to ever play the game, uh, I feel pretty good. I expected this. I knew it was gonna happen. I deserve it way more than Wade does. And, uh, I'm excited, excited to grant my glorious hosting another time to the glorious viewers and slightly less glorious listeners of this podcast. You're pre-welcome. Thank you.

• 1:04:20Speaker 03

  You're welcome. Uh, Wade?

• 1:04:22Speaker 06

  Uh, I tried to say it was unfair. The coin disagreed, so I guess I'll swallow my lumps, even if I still disagree. I will not be enacting the filibuster that is my right for the podcast. I will just take the lump and lose.

• 1:04:35Speaker 03

  Is that, is that a thing?

• 1:04:37Speaker 06

  We didn't say it wasn't a thing.

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  We didn't say a lot of things wasn't a thing, but there are implications that we have.

• 1:04:43Speaker 06

  Exactly. But maybe one day if I don't agree fully, I'll hold out. I will hold this whole podcast up, but today's not today. I do believe he would do that. Oh, I would. I was saying, I believe.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  Well done. Congratulations on losing. All right. Uh, thank you, Bob. Thank you, Wade. Uh, Bob, you congratulated your big win. You're gonna host the next one. Uh, everyone at home is, uh, beautiful.

• 1:05:06Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  You get plus two beauty points. Hey, I'll give you a wheel spin and if, if, if it lands on something, you're, you're, you're, I can't promise your dreams will come true, but they'll double in size. Your dreams will double in size or they'll shrink by half. Uh, listen to these guys, Mike Scrum, Lord Minion, 7779, Mark, and have a good day. A podcast out.

• 1:05:34Speaker 00

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