How to Pick Your Life Partner

Join Alex in the studio for a special solo episode where she breaks down all of the tough questions you should be asking your partner, how to make sure you’re aligned on what really matters, and what to do when you find yourself questioning your relationship. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Bright by Scotch Bright. Daddy gang, a lot of us obviously take pride in where we live, right? We want the decor to look good, and then we want the lighting and the cleaning and all of it. And you want it to look spotless, and you want it to look really nice, right?

• 0:43Alex Cooper?

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• 1:27Alex Cooper?

  Like, anyone can buy you something nice, but when someone gives you a gift that is actually meaningful, you appreciate it so much more. And that's what I do love about Pandora. They have so many pieces that you can really just make your own, from festive charms to personalized engravings and jewelry that can represent the people and the moments that mean the most to you. So whether you're shopping for your partner, or your mom, your best friend, you can find something that really is specific to them. Maybe it's a charm that makes you think of the trip that you guys took together once, or maybe it's an engraving for your anniversary, or just a piece that feels like them the second you see it. Pandora makes it so easy to get.

• 2:10Alex Cooper?

  Give a gift that feels thoughtful and personal and makes every holiday moment even more meaningful and special because at the end of the day, the best gifts aren't just about the piece itself, but it's the intention and the story behind them. Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now at pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber. Uber just introduced a new feature called Women Preferences, which lets women riders request a woman driver directly in the app. It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app.

• 2:57Alex Cooper?

  What is up daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 3:06Alex Cooper?

  Welcome back to Call Her Daddy. The guest this week is you daddy gang. You are the guest and I am interviewing you. I want to have a very honest conversation today to explore one of the biggest decisions that you will ever make in your life, which is who you choose as your life partner. Now, before I move forward, I just obviously need to clarify. I am not saying that finding a partner or a husband should be the sole purpose of your life. We are all so

• 3:49Alex Cooper?

  much more than that, obviously. And there are people listening, I acknowledge today, who may not even be interested in that and may not want that. And that is perfectly okay. What I want to talk about today, though, is if you are someone who wants a monogamous relationship and/or wants to get married, then the decision of who you choose as your life partner is so important because the effect that it has on your mental health and just your overall well-being, right? It can impact every single aspect of your life.

• 4:33Alex Cooper?

  So today we are gonna get really deep and I just want to pose some questions to you that can hopefully get you thinking about things that maybe you've never considered before, or maybe have been avoiding. So now let's rewind for a second. To give you all context of like, why this is on my mind is because my parents recently just celebrated 40 years of marriage together. And my family and I went out and we celebrated, we went to a dinner, and there were a lot of happy tears because the night turned into me and my siblings asking my parents, "How have you guys done it? How have you made it work? How are you still so

• 5:17Alex Cooper?

  in love?" And truly the wisdom and advice that my parents were sharing, I literally left that night being like, "Oh, my God, I wish I could have recorded that and just uploaded that to the podcast for you guys." Because not only does everyone deserve that type of love, but the first step is knowing what to look for and the standards that you should set for yourself. So I ended up writing a bunch of stuff down. And then after that, I continued to reach out to other couples who I look up to, who I respect, and who I know have put in the work. And so that is what this episode is. It is going to be

• 6:01Alex Cooper?

  a conglomeration of all of that wisdom, broken down into hopefully a very tangible conversation that helps you evaluate what you want out of life. Because whether you're single and you're searching for your person, you're in a relationship, wondering if he or she is the right one, or maybe you're already married and sometimes quietly asking yourself, "Did I choose the right person?" Regardless of where you're at, I think there is something in this episode for everyone. So Daddy Gang, let's get into it.

• 6:55Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, I am well into my third trimester now, so I haven't really been able to travel because I need to stay close to my doctor, but spending all this time at home has made me start thinking about all the places that I want to go. Once the baby is here, I have literally been sitting on my couch with the TV on scrolling through Airbnb and planning trips. I am nowhere ready to take yet, but suddenly my vacation priorities, I will say are completely different. Like, does the house have enough bedrooms? Is there a big kitchen? Does the furniture look baby safe? Or is every table covered in, you know, sharp corners? And obviously, we need an extra room

• 7:37Alex Cooper?

  for my mom, who has already made it very clear that she will not be leaving my side. She's like, I got you. I'm the babysitter, okay? And now that it is October, I'm picturing cooler weather, cozy sweaters. Oh, my God, maybe a little cottage where we can escape for a little weekend. That's what I love about booking a home on Airbnb. Whether you're traveling with family, friends, or your partner, everyone has space to relax while still being together. Even if you're traveling for a concert or game, you have one place where everyone can get together and convene after. Before the holiday season gets busy, treat yourself to one more fall getaway and check out Airbnb while you're planning it.

• 8:17Alex Cooper?

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• 9:02Alex Cooper?

  Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours on hand experience and hold all required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers and counselors. So Daddy Gang, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's better H E L P dot com slash daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Daddy Gang, you know I'm a little skeptical of the internet at times, aren't we all?

• 9:43Alex Cooper?

  But one thing I absolutely love is how much easier it has made starting a business. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. With Shopify, you get to own your storefront while still being discovered everywhere from Google to YouTube to the shop app. They also let you sell across TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, even directly inside AI chats. So your customers can shop wherever they already are and your products can appear directly alongside content. So as someone is scrolling, they just become part of their feed. Shopify truly makes it so much easier for customers to discover and buy products wherever they're browsing. And this has been such a game changer for Unwell.

• 10:28Alex Cooper?

  I love being able to sell merch directly on all the Call Her Daddy channels. So everything is in one place for the Daddy Gang. So, ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy.

• 10:47Alex Cooper?

  So, here we go. The question of the day is, how do you know? How do you know what you should be looking for when you're dating to marry? Or you're just dating, right, to find your life partner?

• 11:04Alex Cooper?

  And also, listen, I recognize everyone who is tuning in today and watching this, like, you are an individual coming from different backgrounds and you have different perspectives and beliefs as the other listeners. So like, what you want in a relationship may not be the same as your friend, or the same as me, and that is okay. As long as you're able to decipher what is important to you, that's all that matters today. So, one of the biggest things, when I was at this dinner with my parents, that they kept going back to was the foundation

• 11:43Alex Cooper?

  of their relationship. And its success was really built upon the alignment they had when it came to their core values. And they emphasized, they're in love with each other, of course, they're attracted to each other, but that's the easy part. When things get hard, love can only get you so far. If you fundamentally view and approach life differently, there's not much you can do, right? So, guys, I took notes. Okay. I want to talk about, like, I feel like you always hear, like, values, do you have the same values? Like,

• 12:25Alex Cooper?

  do you value the same things? And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, what actually are core life values? Like, what does that even mean? That is your view on kids, finances, family, religion, politics, and sex. So, I think we should start with one of the easiest ones. Um, let's start with kids. You're like, what? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start with kids. Okay. Talking about kids in your relationship is way more than just like, oh, yeah, I think it'd be nice to have them one day. Like, in order to actually know if you're aligned,

• 13:07Alex Cooper?

  you do need to go deeper. So, yes, obviously, the conversation can be, start with, like, the literally, do you want kids? And if they do, and you do, you have to keep going. How many kids would they ideally want? That's still easy, right? Like, do they envision having a small or a large family?

• 13:31Alex Cooper?

  And then when do you want them? And what is your ideal age to start trying for a baby? Do you want to be married for a few years first? Is there like a specific career milestone that you want to hit before you start building a family? I had shared with you guys this past year that my timeline around having children changed. So I'm not saying that these decisions need to be 100% set in stone, but it is important to make sure that you're at least in the same ballpark as each other and that you can both find common ground on what it is you want and what you see for yourselves.

• 14:14Alex Cooper?

  For example, if one partner thinks that they want to have two children and the other one wants to have four, that's much easier to compromise on than if one partner wants nothing more than to be a parent and the other one doesn't even want kids at all, right? And trust me, trying to change your partner's mind on this large of a core value is not only going to be really difficult, but it can be borderline problematic. One of my friends who I spoke to before this episode had a previous marriage that didn't work out for this exact reason. Leading up to getting married, they were having conversations about kids

• 14:57Alex Cooper?

  and she knew 100% that she wanted them. And he was really honest and open that because of his difficult childhood, he didn't think that he really wanted kids. And she went into the marriage thinking that he would change his mind once he got older and they were actually married. And guess what? That didn't happen. And so they had a really heartbreaking divorce because although there was so much love there and they were in love, she wanted to start a family. And when she was reflecting back and talking to me about it, she acknowledges that she saw what she wanted to see. She realized that she swept a really big issue under the rug

• 15:42Alex Cooper?

  because she convinced herself that like, I don't know, he'll change his mind, he'll change his mind.

• 15:48Alex Cooper?

  Here's my take. People can obviously change their mind and evolve regarding, you know, what they want out of life. And I actually think that's one of the most beautiful aspects of being a human being. And it's like, when you do eventually change your view on something, that's awesome. That's great. But when someone is telling you where they stand, you have to listen and you have to take it seriously, daddy gang. Because let's say, she was somehow able to convince him, right? Maybe she got him to be like, yeah, yeah, like, maybe I'll, yeah, maybe I will. Yeah, like, or like, maybe, okay, it's so unhealthy when someone changes their mind about something this large solely to appease their partner.

• 16:33Alex Cooper?

  That is going to cause such issues down the road. And I know it can be extremely difficult when you are in love with someone and it, it just feels like you're not aligned on that one aspect of life, right? It's just that one thing. If we could just fix that one thing, because everything else is great. Trust me, it will do more damage than good. It's just a Band-Aid. So my advice with kids is like, listen to what your partner is telling you when it comes to this value, right? Another thing about kids that I think people really don't talk about, and my mom was talking to me about this, is like, what happens when you

• 17:14Alex Cooper?

  struggle to have them? Obviously, having children looks different for everyone and can be really, really difficult, or even impossible for some women. So ladies watching this, you should be asking your partner before you decide to sign up for a life with them, hey, if we struggled to get pregnant hypothetically, like, how would you cope with that? Would they be open to IVF? Would they ever consider adoption? And I also fully understand

• 17:46Alex Cooper?

  When you first start having these conversations, right? You're like, you're in progress of trying to figure out, is this your life partner? You're dating for a while, maybe you've moved in. Like, I get that when you're broaching this topic, especially with kids, this may not be something that he's thought about before, but you can catch a vibe. If you ask him his thoughts on kids and he is constantly swerving the conversation or somehow making it more about him than you, please, for the love of God, listen to your gut.

• 18:19Alex Cooper?

  I'm going to move on from kids in a second because I also recognize there's a lot of people that may not want kids. But lastly, on this one specific topic, I will say, we're still talking kind of about the easy part, right? You're fantasizing and dreaming about the life you'll hopefully have. Oh, my God, this is so fun. How many kids do you want? Wait, how many kids do you want? And oh, my God, if everything works out and it's super easy to conceive and we have this, like, what are their names? But then what happens after you have kids, right? Does your partner expect you to stay home with the kids all day? And how do you feel about that? How will you divide up the childcare responsibilities with your partner? And like, guys, I know, again,

• 19:01Alex Cooper?

  these questions that I'm asking, like, you may not be able to get the exact firm answers to, especially the first time that you bring them up. But even, I would almost urge you, just start within yourself. What do you think your partner's answer will be to all of these questions?

• 19:20Alex Cooper?

  I truly believe that more than half the time, you actually know exactly what their answer will be. Because when you're in a relationship with someone, you learn their morals and their values. You know how they treat you. You watch how they treat other people in their life and in the world. Most of the time, the answer is right in front of you. So you have to stop avoiding it because that is about to be your reality and your life. Okay, let's keep going because I feel like... You cannot talk about kids seriously without talking seriously about money. Money, honey. Okay?

• 19:59Alex Cooper?

  When you are looking to build a life with someone, you need to be aware of your partner's finances. Full stop. You need to know how much your partner makes in a year, what their financial commitments like rent or loans are, and what their overall financial goals are. Because if you're merging your life with someone, you are most likely going to be merging your finances in some capacity with them.

• 20:25Alex Cooper?

  Now, I want to be so clear. I am not saying that in order for someone to be the one, you need to be making bank. They need to be making bank and all this money. What I'm saying is that you need to be aware of the financial situation that you're signing up for with your partner so that you can make sure you are both aligned. Do you want a joint bank account? Do you not? How are you at budgeting? Do you want a prenup? What lifestyle costs are essential to you? What are your financial priorities? I totally understand that comparing your 401ks isn't exactly the hottest conversation, but are you aligned on the way that you are approaching savings or investing? Do each of you have a 401k?

• 21:09Alex Cooper?

  Do you know what this person's credit score is? Does he even know where to find his credit score?

• 21:17Alex Cooper?

  You don't want to be the person who shortly after getting married realizes that her husband is $90,000 in credit card debt and you had no idea. And now it's somewhat your responsibility. I think it's really important to have an open discussion with your partner about your career goals and your ambitions. What about, you know, work-life balance? It's the classic saying like, do you live to work or do you work to live? There is no right answer. There's a right answer for you and your partner. But I can tell you right now, it's definitely going to affect your relationship, whatever that answer is. And if you're on different pages and you never discuss it, it's going to heavily impact your dynamic. Matt and I are both workaholics right now,

• 22:03Alex Cooper?

  and his drive is one of the things that I find really, really attractive about him. And we definitely prioritize our careers in certain moments. And we both had previous relationships where that was a pain point, and our partners resented that we didn't make them feel prioritized. But it is something that really works for Matt and I, and we are aligned on. So my final thought is just, there should be no secrecy when it comes to finances in your relationship. If one person is more of the breadwinner, it should not give them more power and the right to withhold information from you if you are in a committed partnership.

• 22:47Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so we have kids, we have career and finances. Guys, we're crushing. This is like, easy, okay? But don't get too comfortable, because this next one may truly be the trickiest of them all. Um, let's talk about family. His family, her family, your family, family. Oh, family. Right around the holiday season too, this is perfect. Family is a really tough one, because a lot of it comes down to priorities and boundary setting and navigating dynamics

• 23:26Alex Cooper?

  that existed way before you came into the picture. And you can get a sense of this early into dating, right? The more you spend time with your partner and their family, or don't spend time, you're going to begin to understand the dynamic, the role that your partner plays in their family, and how their family treats them and you.

• 23:49Alex Cooper?

  Guys, every single family has baggage. There's no way around it. But my question is like, are you and your partner aligned on how you handle it? I remember a guy that I was seriously dating had a very, very unhealthy relationship with his parents. And I don't know, like at first glance, in the early days of dating, I didn't really think much of it because he would lightly talk about it with me. And I was there for him. And sometimes it was honestly just like a bonding moment for the two of us and whose family isn't a little fucked up, right? But then, once our relationship started to get more serious and I was starting to become an actual

• 24:34Alex Cooper?

  more permanent factor in now this family dynamic, spending holidays together, right? Like going on family trips or whatever. I started to feel the extraordinarily unhealthy lack of boundaries that I was now being pulled into. And it quickly dawned on me how this would impact the rest of my life. And if I did choose to spend it with him. And I need to emphasize that the reason that I became acutely aware of how negative of an impact it would have on me was not because of the inappropriate behavior from my potential in-laws.

• 25:17Alex Cooper?

  Like, that is literally gonna be every fucking family. I feel like everyone's gonna have a weird one with their in-laws. That is a classic. But it was the way that my partner handled the mistreatment and the boundary crossing that made me realize he was never going to protect our relationship or me when things got unhealthy with his family, because I would bring it up.

• 25:45Alex Cooper?

  And then I would bring it up again. And I want to be really clear. I have so much compassion and understanding and experience with unhealthy families. I get you don't get to pick your family. And sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world to break these patterns that have been there since day one. But this wasn't that.

• 26:11Alex Cooper?

  It quickly became him and his family versus me. So often that I would feel alienated. I was publicly being disrespected and my partner never made any attempt to validate me, to comfort me, or to change anything. He just fell immediately back into who he was as a little boy in that house with his parents. It was kind of, you know, like, he was just kind of like, this is the way things are and they're not changing. He had no interest in therapy. And so for me,

• 26:45Alex Cooper?

  I was like, this, there's no way this is going to ever work.

• 26:49Alex Cooper?

  And I know it's really, really hard. But Daddy Gang, this is something that you have to consider. Is your partner honestly interested in breaking unhealthy patterns? That yes, may be transgenerational in his family, but he's willing to do the work. Doesn't mean it's going to be quick. Doesn't mean it's going to be easy. This could, most likely this is going to be for the rest of your life, right? Like you're marrying his family. Everyone's family's fucked up. Are they willing though, your partner, to do the work to protect your relationship? And protect both, both of you individually and as a couple?

• 27:30Alex Cooper?

  I'm not here to judge anyone on the threshold of what you are capable of personally handling.

• 27:39Alex Cooper?

  But I'm just asking these questions daddy gang of like,

• 27:45Alex Cooper?

  talking openly about your family dynamics and past issues is so, so, so important when you're building a strong foundation as a couple, you're building a partnership. I get that family is special and sacred and also so complicated. But if your needs are constantly being put second to their family's drama, it's gonna take a toll on you. And you have to make sure that you are aligned with your partner on boundaries when it comes to family and what you are both willing and not willing to put up with.

• 28:22Alex Cooper?

  I know that's a really tough one because I just feel like everyone, it's so, it's so hard because it's, it, it, it takes a second to broach the topic with your partner because they can be defensive because then you compare like whose family's more fucked up. I get it. But as you continue to watch patterns with your partner, are they essentially just abandoning you in these moments and you're left to be like, wait, wait, when we're home, it's completely different than when we're here. I like completely lose you. What's going on? That's the shit you have to start to look out for.

• 28:55Alex Cooper?

  Okay, daddy gang, we're like, kind of almost out of the trenches. We've had a lot of the big conversations. The next one is a little, I'm going to keep this short. Okay. But the next one is, yeah, this isn't, this is a little bit of a doozy. Okay. Um, the next one is religion. Guys, how fun is this episode? There is nothing sexier than falling in love. That's the easiest fucking part of being in this life, you guys. Falling in love. Oh, fuck me. So fun. It's this shit that then you're like, this is why shit doesn't last because not a lot of people go through these fucking items and actually make sure are you aligned. So here we go, religion. Woo. Um, okay. Some

• 29:36Alex Cooper?

  of you may know, I was raised Catholic and Matt is Jewish. And before we got engaged, we had a lot of conversations, a lot, a lot of conversations about the role that religion would play in our marriage. How would religion factor into our wedding ceremony? What holidays and traditions would we honor together? How do we want to raise our children? And I cannot imagine. Being married to Matt today without having had all those really detailed intimate conversations, especially as we are thinking about having kids.

• 30:16Alex Cooper?

  Religion and faith is so deeply personal and it's so important that you know where you guys stand before committing to a life together.

• 30:29Alex Cooper?

  I will never forget.

• 30:32Alex Cooper?

  It was the first guy that I was like truly, truly in love with. And at the time, he was probably the first person I was like, okay, I actually think I could like see a future with this person. And I remember I was visiting him in his hometown and we were driving home from a dinner. And somehow the topic of kids came up and it was like exciting and fun and just like, you know how you do it, you just kind of like romanticize and you have fun and you think about it. And at first, everything was like pretty aligned. We both agreed on how many kids we would want. We started going through just kind of everything that I mentioned in this episode so far. Like, oh my gosh, like what would you want to name them? And like, if you were working, what would I be doing?

• 31:16Alex Cooper?

  And how would we handle that and blah, blah, blah? Like, we were really aligned. And then somehow, religion came up in relation to how we would want to raise kids. And again, before I say this, I just want to be clear. I do not judge anyone's religious beliefs.

• 31:38Alex Cooper?

  What he shared with me deeply went against my personal beliefs and what I want to instill in my children and raising my children. And in that moment, like, we couldn't have been less aligned. And I could tell, he didn't really think it was a big deal.

• 32:02Alex Cooper?

  But I knew it was just something I was like, oh my God, I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm gonna be able to get over this. And I definitely like pressed him a little bit and kept asking him like, well, would you be open? And it was just like flat out, no, kinda like I said earlier with the woman with the kids thing. And he was saying no. And I had to, I kinda had a pit in my stomach the rest of that trip with him because I was like, the love is there, the sex is there, the like lifestyle concepts. And then this was the one thing that I was like, oh my God, I can't, I don't think I could look past this. And so, yes, it can be awkward early days to talk about religion. You're like at a fucking like hot sexy restaurant.

• 32:47Alex Cooper?

  Your tits are pushed up, you're looking hot, it's date night and you're like, so let's talk religion. It's like, eh, no, I get it. It's not sexy, but it is not something that you should put on the back burner and leave until after marriage to figure out.

• 33:03Alex Cooper?

  And this kinda wraps into politics. You're like, I have to go take a lap around my neighborhood. I feel like I'm in a fucking history lesson class, Alex, trust me. I'm, listen, I know it may not be technically fun, but it's kinda fun. Come on, it's kinda fun. Um, politics. I get these are really sensitive topics and you do have to, like you have to have these conversations at some point. You don't have to have the exact point by point beliefs as your partner, but you have to, I truly believe, have some sort of alignment and respect for where the other person stands. Right?

• 33:47Alex Cooper?

  Like, I will leave politics to you guys. You don't need me to weigh in on that one, but like,

• 33:53Alex Cooper?

  I guess I would just say, I do think it's important as a woman to know, does he support women having equal rights to men? And does he support women having rights to their own body? Does he believe women should have autonomy over making decisions about their own bodies? Just throwing it out there. Good to know as a woman. You know what I mean? Um, it's so sad that these are the things that we need to be asking nowadays, but this is the reality that we're in. So you catch my fucking drift. Um, okay. We're swerving. Let's talk about sex. Guys, see, I told you this is gonna get fun. Um, here's the truth. We all know this at this point. Attraction can fade and your sex drive will obviously fluctuate.

• 34:37Alex Cooper?

  But where do you guys stand on just baseline expectations? Do you both agree that you should both be having orgasms? Not just him. What a concept. Are they willing to put in the work to make sure you're actually getting pleasure from sex? Are you aligned with how you talk about sex and the role of sex? And what it plays in your relationship? Do you feel like it's an open conversation that you can safely share your wants and your needs with your partner? The end of the day, every relationship puts a different emphasis on sex. Some people want it. Some people don't want it as much. Some people have this habit. Everyone has a different thing.

• 35:20Alex Cooper?

  That is up for you and your partner to decide, but I really recommend making sure that you feel comfortable having open communication about what you want when it comes to this. And have these conversations before you're committing your life to someone because your sex life matters. There is nothing that makes me happier than when I get a compliment from someone and they say, Alex. You smell delicious, okay? I mean, is there anything better than someone telling you you smell good? No, and you want to know what I'm wearing? You already know what I'm wearing. Yves Saint Laurent Beauty. Okay, let's go. If you are looking for a new statement fragrance,

• 36:03Alex Cooper?

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• 36:47Alex Cooper?

  Shop now at Sephora. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by My Mochi. Everyone is talking about Dubai chocolate. Chocolate with pistachio flavored cream. Well, now Mochi Ice Cream has its own version of Dubai chocolate. Spoiler alert, guys, it's delicious. My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream is premium pistachio flavored ice cream with cayenne and chocolatey flavored bits wrapped in sweet chewy chocolate flavored dough. It's only 80 calories per piece, nut free and easy to share because it comes in a box with six individual snacks. I am obsessed with My Mochi.

• 37:32Alex Cooper?

  And when you give me that plus a good chocolate, I'm going to have that in my freezer. Every single night, I'm going to pop one in. I am obsessed. I love it so much. Taste the joy with every bite of My Mochi Ice Cream. Look for the green and brown box of My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream in the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real. Okay. We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses and how you want with no

• 38:11Alex Cooper?

  set class times. Basically you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Okay, so core values, check, check, check. We are literally thriving. Okay, we may have lost, I realized some soldiers along the way. Maybe you, maybe you paused this and you went and dumped your boyfriend because of, you know, you realized, oh, I've had these conversations and he's given me nothing. He's given me nothing. He's shown his true colors. I really love that for you. I love when someone pauses an episode of Call Her Daddy and just completely breaks up with their boyfriend. That is, that's being efficient, babe. Okay.

• 38:53Alex Cooper?

  But I want to go back to my parents for a second because hearing my parents talk about the foundation that they built before even getting married and then continued to build upon, it was just really helpful in understanding what it actually takes to maintain and grow a healthy 40-year marriage. And something that my mom also emphasized is that you can be aligned on all of this. All of this, oh, check, religion, boom, politics, boom, sex, boom, family. Well, family's fucking crazy, but boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, checking it left and right,

• 39:36Alex Cooper?

  boom, boom, boom. But then life happens, bitch. Okay. And life is beyond unpredictable and you truly never know what it's going to throw at you. Okay. Stress, change, loss, parenthood, financial pressures, identity shifts. Life is going to test us. But there is no denying that having a partner who you can trust and you respect and they respect you to go through the bad times with, it makes it a hell of a lot easier than going through it alone.

• 40:16Alex Cooper?

  Which brings me to my next point.

• 40:21Alex Cooper?

  How does your partner handle hard moments? When stressful or traumatic situations happen, obviously, we all respond differently. You don't have to have the same response as your partner, but

• 40:38Alex Cooper?

  you do want to pay attention to how they're able to cope with and handle these type of situations. Right? Like, is your partner able to stay present and get through a hard time? Or are they immediately emotionally withdrawing and disappearing and shutting down? In tough times, do you still feel safe and secure with your partner? Do you feel like the two of you are going to be able to work together to figure out a way through it? Do you feel supported? If you're sitting here reflecting on a tough moment that you and your partner have been through and you're sitting there and you're kind of thinking like, okay, wait, Alex, um, no, I actually felt really isolated or scared or like I was the one

• 41:23Alex Cooper?

  taking on all of the burden while they were completely checked out.

• 41:28Alex Cooper?

  Then really think about if this dynamic will work for you long term.

• 41:35Alex Cooper?

  Look, when life throws something horrible at you, I understand there is no rulebook on how to handle it perfectly. And honestly, in those type of situations, people are going to need a lot of grace. A lot of times we're dealing with things for the first time. But overall, you just need to have trust in your partner that when you are faced with any form of adversity, this person is not going to run away. They're going to stand next to you and weather the storm. Okay? Picture this, daddy gang. You get a phone call. You find out your mom has had a health emergency and she's being rushed to the hospital right now. God forbid, let's knock on wood. Okay?

• 42:20Alex Cooper?

  You are working, your partner is working, your dog's at daycare. You got, you know, a friend's birthday dinner that night. There's a million things going on in your life and you're freaking out, rightfully so. You call your partner, you say, you say, I have to go to the hospital. I li- I literally can't think about anything right now. I have to go see my mom. Can you handle everything? Daddy gang? Do you trust them to actually handle it?

• 42:48Alex Cooper?

  Do you trust that they will call and tell your friends that you can't make dinner? That they're gonna go pick up your dog and take him on a walk and then give him dinner? Do you trust that your partner will show up to the hospital later that night to check on you? Are they asking, what do you need? Oh, wait, I don't want to ask her because she's so stressed. I'm just gonna think to bring her clothes and get her dinner.

• 43:10Alex Cooper?

  Like, do you have a partner who you trust will be there emotionally for you to help you get through these type of moments because they're gonna come?

• 43:21Alex Cooper?

  Or do you think that you'll have to send them a checklist of everything that needs to be done? To keep your guys' life moving? Will they even show up?

• 43:32Alex Cooper?

  Have you guys seen the TikTok videos? Those like girls have been posting where it's like the boyfriend is doing dumb shit and they filmed the boyfriend and they caption it like, I can't believe this is my emergency contact. Obviously, I know that's a joke and it's like really funny, but if you actually think about that for a second, now be serious.

• 43:53Alex Cooper?

  If you actually are having a medical emergency and the doctors need your partner to make insanely high stake decision for you, do you trust your partner can make the right call?

• 44:04Alex Cooper?

  And I get it, I get it. If you're sitting here being like, okay, Alex, relax, like you're being a little giant, like you're being dramatic. This is a little dramatic. I get it. These things sound so far off. It sounds like so far away. This won't happen, but stuff like this happens all the time. And you need to be asking yourself these tough questions. If it's your boyfriend in high school, no, I don't give a shit if he's gonna be capable of like deciding when you're on your deathbed what to do with you. That's not where we're at in life. But when you are now deciding for a life partner, not just like a, he's so hot and he brings me flowers, he's gonna be such a hot dad. Like when you're 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, do you want this person by your side through the hardest times?

• 44:50Alex Cooper?

  My dad recently had a really big health scare and his recovery required him to be at home on bedrest and my mom significantly stepped up and I remember my mom said to me, it was one of the really, really tough, difficult nights. She had been sleeping on a hospital chair, then they got him home and she was up all night and she found herself feeling so grateful. And she had, she was like, I just remember sitting there and I'm so uncomfortable and I haven't slept in my, and then I'm like, oh my God, I'm so grateful

• 45:33Alex Cooper?

  because there wasn't a question in her mind that although she's exhausted and she's drained and she's scared, they were in this together and she wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else. And the amount that she had to do for him and care for him, she knew that he would do and will do the exact for her. And honestly, stressful moments or hard times, they don't have to be life or death. Okay. So if you're all like, well, I've never been sick. I've never gone to the hospital. I can't relate. Okay, fine. Then let's give a dumber example. Okay. Um, Matt and I were on vacation one time and I remember we had

• 46:16Alex Cooper?

  a really long drive from the hotel to the airport. It was the end of the vacation and it was going to take about two hours to get there. So we budgeted for three just to be safe and we figured we would still have, you know, like an hour and a half at the airport. It was an international flight. It was a straight shot, literally down one singular road to the airport. Easy, easy, no problem, right? What do you think happened? It ended up being one of those travel days from hell. It ended up taking us over five hours to get to the airport and it became extremely clear really quickly that we were going to not only miss our flight, but we had one of the most important meetings for our company the next day. And so we're on this remote road in the middle of nowhere,

• 47:01Alex Cooper?

  bumfuck, and we started to run out of gas, naturally, naturally. The guy driving is like, oh yeah, we're fucked. I'm like, perfect, perfect. Love this. So overall stress couldn't have been higher. And in that moment, we could have started bickering, blaming each other. We could have started fighting, but we sat there and we were like, okay, we can't control any of this. We can't change this. What can we do to try to make this a little better? And let's try to find a solution. So I called the airline to see what we could do. Matt called the car company to figure out the gas situation. And we were just working together to get through this shit

• 47:41Alex Cooper?

  show. And honestly, even though it was a horrible day, we were both so stressed, but I felt like we were on the same team the whole time. That's what I have felt with Matt since day one of meeting him. We are on the same team. Doesn't mean we don't fight, but it's like, I have had it also on the other end, daddy gang. I remember a similar situation, actually, just with a different guy. I was driving out to the Hamptons with an ex-boyfriend, boyfriend at the time, and everything, literally everything that could go wrong was going wrong. Insane traffic, road closures, losing cell service in the fucking Hamptons. Like somehow, all of these uncontrollable

• 48:26Alex Cooper?

  factors, though, of like, oh, my God, how did it all became my fault. He's screaming at me in the car, saying, you should have thought ahead. You know, why didn't you print out the directions? I'm sorry, who owns a fucking printer? Like, oh, MapQuest? No one even knows what that is, watching this fucking show, okay? But I remember I felt so shut down and just like,

• 48:52Alex Cooper?

  attacked and upset and alone in that moment. And it's because when I look back, that was not just a one-off. That was a theme in that relationship. And I know we're talking about fucking travel, but again, I'm saying, these are themes. The difference between the way Matt and I were handling that extends into our life. The way that my ex and I were handling that extended into our life. So advice is pay attention when things are stressful. Does your partner get angry and just blame you and the world when shit is going wrong? Or do they actually have the wherewithal to dig deep and face the discomfort with you? And if anything,

• 49:37Alex Cooper?

  double down on being a good partner. Step up for you.

• 49:42Alex Cooper?

  I think this also can tie into the more day to day disagreements and arguments that you might get into like when it comes to how your partner handles conflict. Some things I think that you could consider are can they take accountability? Can they acknowledge mistakes and apologize? Like my mom was pointing out like if every fight you have feels super intense and exhausting, that is not sustainable. You should be able to have a disagreement, hear each other out and arrive at common ground without this becoming a multi-day argument. It may not sound like a huge deal, but if you aren't compatible in this area, it can

• 50:27Alex Cooper?

  really start to fuck up other parts of your relationship because when you don't feel seen, understood, taken care of, you start to get resentful and distrustful of your partner.

• 50:43Alex Cooper?

  Small disagreements are constantly blown into something much bigger. Like, let me give you an example. I had a relationship where sometimes the guy would put down my career and I would constantly tell him in the moment how much that hurt me. And instead of taking accountability and whether he was, you know, explaining his intentions or even just apologizing and whatever, he just refused to engage and would brush it off with a, okay, you're being sensitive. I didn't mean it like that.

• 51:21Alex Cooper?

  And then it would happen again. And we were constantly having all of this conflict, but never ever getting any resolution because he wasn't willing to engage in any honest, accountable way. And so then I would be like, so then you, so then you as the person that's like, wait, why won't they take accountability? You end up just kind of sweeping it behind you. But then when it keeps happening, you're like, wait, and you're never going to grow as a couple. I think that accountability, it's a non-negotiable daddy gang. It is absolutely essential to have a partner who knows when they have hurt your feelings or done something wrong, who then can own it and apologize.

• 52:04Alex Cooper?

  And I get it when I'm saying that, we're all sitting here and we're like, of course, of course, of course, that's life. It's not just romantic. It's, you know, work and friends and partners and family. Guys, actually ask yourself, because I've been in it. I'm giving you my examples of like, when you are in a relationship with someone, it's, it can feel really small. It's not that overt of like, I'm not gonna apologize, Casey. It's no, it's, it's the slight little deflection. It's the slight little gaslighting of just like, oh, well, sorry you felt that way. No, no, no, no, not sorry, sorry I, any, any lack of accountability. I really don't think that you can have a relationship with someone like that.

• 52:46Alex Cooper?

  And when they say, I'm sorry, it should be because they genuinely mean it and they want to learn and to grow from it because they love you and they don't want to upset you and they want to grow as a partnership. They shouldn't be saying I'm sorry because they're trying to people please and avoid any type of conflict and just get it over with and move on.

• 53:06Alex Cooper?

  Guys, every couple is going to argue at some point. Matt and I argue, that is life. But what matters is how you do it, how you fight, how you argue.

• 53:19Alex Cooper?

  You should be able to express how you feel without fear of retaliation. And that is something that my mom, growing up, always instilled in my siblings and I with whatever romantic relationship we were engaging in. And she talked about it at dinner. She talked to us about how your partner should listen to you and work to make you feel heard and vice versa. You should do this all for them as well. They should never stonewall you by ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment. Like if you, if this person's giving you, get out, get the fuck out, because that's just manipulation 101.

• 53:53Alex Cooper?

  I feel like I've seen a lot of couples get to the point where they just stop bringing things up, right? Like my mom was talking to me about this. One of her friends has gotten to that point where it's just like, it's not even worth it. It's not even worth it to bring it up because they know they're never going to get any resolution. And it's like, you deserve better. You don't have to settle for that. If you are settling for that, you are essentially alone. That's not a partnership. You're just coexisting. You shouldn't emotionally feel exhausted at all times. And therefore you just start avoiding and ignoring your feelings.

• 54:38Alex Cooper?

  Something I um, saw recently online that really got me thinking, and I want to pose the question back to you guys is, would you be insulted? Or would you take it as a compliment? If someone said, you're so similar to your partner. You remind me so much of your partner. Would you be like, what? What the fuck? Take that back? Or would you be like, oh my God, I really appreciate that because you respect the fuck out of your partner? Which would it be? That? That? Ask yourself that today. That could end almost, that could cut off 100,000 relationships right there. People could be like, oh, fuck. Well, when you put it like

• 55:23Alex Cooper?

  that, get me the fuck away from that loser. Right? Obviously, how the two of you exist in your relationship is so important, but they also need to be an individual that you respect. It's so important that you can both individually grow and then grow together as a couple and be supportive of each other in that process. That's what my mom.

• 55:50Alex Cooper?

  Not even just at this dinner, something that, you know, I always have asked my mom about with my dad and her is like, my parents have gone through so many different life phases. I remember growing up and my dad was primarily the breadwinner and my mom, although was working, but she was kind of part-time working because she was taking care of us. And I remember when my dad lost his job and I remember when my mom and him, I just remember as a kid them having like the longest conversations after dinner. They'd be like, you guys like go play outside or whatever. And they would just sit there and you could just tell they were like tag teaming this thing of like, what is our move? What is, this is completely shifting your identity, my identity, the kid, we need to figure this out.

• 56:35Alex Cooper?

  And so I remember that where my mom stepped up and my dad pivoted and they, all these things happened. And then now I'm watching them grow and it's like, oh my God, my father just retired. My mom is still wanting to work. Like there's all these dynamics at play, but what my mom has always talked about is the way, yes, step one was the foundation and the values and all that. And then we had to grow together. And I think a lot of times people struggle to, if you're growing, sometimes we are like, is our partner growing with us? And it's, and it's a lot to navigate because it's three dynamics. It's you, them, and then the us.

• 57:14Alex Cooper?

  And my mom just said, the thing that has kept your father and I together through all of it is like, we are in lockstep with growing and pushing each other to be better. And that is such an inspiration to me because I idolize my parents and their relationship. I literally, the reason I didn't want to get married at one point in my life because I was like, I'm never going to find what they have. And so it's like, that point, think about that, right? Ask yourself, is your partner actively doing the work? And looking for areas in their life to improve and evolve?

• 57:51Alex Cooper?

  Or are they just kind of coasting through life?

• 57:54Alex Cooper?

  Pay attention to how your partner treats their body, their career and their hobbies, right? The baseline expectation you should have is that your partner is taking care of themselves. Do they exercise? Are they eating right? Like, of course, like, guys, we all eat like fucking shit at times, but like, are they doing some type of? Do they have some type of daily routine? Do they show up on time to work? Or are they constantly going out, getting fucked up and kind of letting their body run on autopilot? I'm not saying these things at all for vanity, or because you need to like, go find a gym, bro, or like, go be the healthiest people ever. I'm not.

• 58:36Alex Cooper?

  I'm just saying, the way that someone cares for themselves says a lot about how they care for other people.

• 58:59Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. I love to accessorize my outfits with jewelry, obviously, and I feel like all the time, depending on my outfit, it's going to be kind of dependent on what jewelry I'm wanting to wear that day.

• 59:42Alex Cooper?

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• 1:00:14Alex Cooper?

  When it comes to their career, do they have ambition? Do they have a good work ethic? What is their relationship like with their boss and their coworkers? A lot of times, if your partner feels successful and secure in their own life, then they will bring over that sense of safety to the relationship that they're in as well. But if they feel unstable and without purpose, then that's what they're bringing into the relationship. Again, I want to be so clear. This doesn't mean that you have to always be in a job. People get laid off. They are, we're, you're going to struggle. They're all of this.

• 1:00:59Alex Cooper?

  What I'm just saying is, are you with someone who? Do they have a passion? Or how about this? How are they just showing up in their daily life? How do they approach life? Is this person a functioning human being? Do people respect them? Do people like being around them? Do people go to them for advice? Do people respect their opinion? Do people like them to be at the party, the function, the event? Are people excited when they see this person? You don't need a perfect partner, but you do need someone willing to evolve. Because if you're doing all the growing in the relationship professionally,

• 1:01:42Alex Cooper?

  emotionally, financially, mentally, it's going to become really unbalanced really fast. And that just won't work in the long run. So as we wind down, like my therapist says, whenever she says that, I'm like, okay, bitch. I'm like, oh, I see how it is. We were just hitting our stride and now the 50 minute mark hits. And she's like, anyway, you're like mid-trauma. And she's like, we will discuss this next week. You're like, no. Um, listen, I get that this is a lot. I also need to, again, preface this of like, I don't have a picture perfect relationship. I have things that I need to work on in my relationship.

• 1:02:25Alex Cooper?

  I just felt like this week after I was so inspired by my parents. I was so inspired by the other couples that I spoke to. And I recognize that whether there's people in the world that you didn't have the...

• 1:02:41Alex Cooper?

  Example in front of you growing up, whether you don't have maybe people around you that you can use kind of as a sounding board. Maybe you've had a lot of relationships that you're trying to break out of patterns. Like, we're all coming from a different perspective and place. But if you're sitting right now, right, listening, and you're like, damn, okay, I like, I like this, but it honestly, I feel like maybe this is just too much to ask for. There's just, this is, I can't expect this, Alex. Like, this all sounds great, but like, there's not actually someone out there that's gonna align with me on all these values and be able to meet me, blah,

• 1:03:23Alex Cooper?

  blah. I promise you, it is not expecting too much. You are not asking for too much. You are just with the wrong person. To be clear, I'm not telling any of you to just like, run out right now and dump your boyfriend or your partner. I think what I'm trying to tell you is, just think about what you're willing to compromise on. Not in the short term, in the long run. And think about what you already have been compromising on, and what you absolutely need to be aligned on. Because in order to have a healthy, stable, long-term relationship,

• 1:04:09Alex Cooper?

  it's so fun when there's passion, and it's the early stages, and it's the honeymoon. But when that wears off, and you're stuck with the real-life shit, that's when being on the same page with your partner is really gonna fucking matter. When you're aligned on the big things, you build a solid foundation in your relationship. The little stuff, it just makes it seem so much easier to navigate together. So yes, people can grow and change, but there's a limit. And you can't force someone to completely alter who they are. And I will be honest, I really struggled with that for a really long time. Like, I'm coming to you guys being like,

• 1:04:51Alex Cooper?

  I have been in so many relationships that whether some fucked up, some actually quite healthy, that I was like, this is gonna be it. But then it's like, I genuinely believe that-

• 1:05:05Alex Cooper?

  Doing the work, you will find your partner. You can't redesign your boyfriend to fit your exact needs. Right? But there comes a point where you do need to accept that they are who they are. And that's not easy.

• 1:05:22Alex Cooper?

  But I also want you guys to leave knowing, and I wish someone would have told me this when I was younger of like, you are never asking for too much. You are asking for the right things. And now you just have to figure out if you're with the right person that can give it to you and meet you there.

• 1:05:41Alex Cooper?

  So I know this topic can feel a little heavy. But I really hope this episode reminded you like you're not alone in feeling the pressure. This is one of the biggest life decisions you're ever going to make, right? This is fucking heavy shit, whether you're dating with intention, you know, questioning your current relationship, or you're maybe you're reflecting on your marriage.

• 1:06:04Alex Cooper?

  The point is, this is real, it's deep and it matters. So take your time, prioritize this, prioritize yourself, and ask the hard questions. And most importantly, ladies, trust your fucking gut. Because like I said earlier, I have a feeling when I look back at my previous relationships,

• 1:06:33Alex Cooper?

  most of the time I didn't even need to ask the person a lot of these questions to know the answers. People show you who they are. You can fill in the blanks and the context clues. And don't let yourself keep convincing they're going to change. It's going to change, it's going to change. I know I say this all the time, but you know, she is my North Star. My mom, since day one, has always said, anything that bothers you in your relationship is only going to get worse when you get married and when you have kids and when life just keeps happening. So if it's bothering you now and it's a big pain point in your relationship,

• 1:07:16Alex Cooper?

  none of that, all the milestones are going to fix it. The marriage, the wedding, the kids, the holidays, the house. None of that's going to fix shit. Because it's just you and them with your heads on those pillows at night. And when the kids leave and they go to college or something happens and someone's sick, do you like who you're sitting next to? And no one can answer that for you, except for yourself. So I hope this was helpful. I hope that you guys can take something from it and always know that I'm not judging. And I'm always just hoping that anything that I'm learning in my life, whether it's through therapy or through family or through friends or through resources,

• 1:07:58Alex Cooper?

  that I can give it to you guys and hopefully it can help in your life in some capacity. So Daddy Gang, you know the drill. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 1:08:24Alex Cooper?

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• 1:09:07Alex Cooper?

  Go to K L A V I Y O dot com slash best friends. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. I love to accessorize my outfits with jewelry, obviously. And I feel like all the time, depending on my outfit, it's going to be kind of dependent on what jewelry I'm wanting to wear that day. Discover Pandora Talisman, a new collection designed to help you express every side of who you are, because the most powerful statement You can make is being yourself, obviously. Daddy Gang, they have meaningful Zodiac symbols and personalized jewelry pieces. Each design tells a story that's uniquely yours, a reflection of what you stand for, what you believe, and how you choose to show up every day.

• 1:09:52Alex Cooper?

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• 1:10:24Alex Cooper?

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