How to Handle the Holidays

This week, Alex opens up about why the holidays rarely live up to our expectations. She breaks down how family dynamics, past trauma, and a change in routine can make this time of the year really hard, and how to stop comparing your life to a Hallmark movie. Alex also shares a guide to meeting your partner's family this season, and how to let judgmental comments roll of your back. Finally, a reminder that it's actually better to break up with someone before the holidays than after, and how to find joy if you're spending the holidays alone. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

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• 0:43Alex Cooper?

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• 1:42Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber. Uber just introduced a new feature called Women Preferences, which lets women riders request a woman driver directly in the app. It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app. Hello, Daddy gang. Welcome back to another cozy, cozy Sunday session with your father. I hope you guys are all having a lovely Sunday, relaxing, maybe getting ahead on some stuff. If not, no worries, you're just hanging out with me.

• 2:25Alex Cooper?

  And yeah, I'm just gonna jump right into it because... Here's the thing. We are heading into the time of year where everything is supposed to be magical. Oh my God, the holidays, you guys, literally so excited, can't wait, right? Oh my God, oh my God, it's gonna be amazing. Like, we have Thanksgiving coming up and then right around the corner is Hanukkah, and then Christmas, and then New Year's. It is quote unquote, supposed to be the best time of the year. Emphasis on the supposed to be, which is why I kind of like to do a yearly PSA episode around the holiday season. If you have been with me for many years, you know I kind of do this often because I think it can be very, very, not only helpful for you, but also for me.

• 3:08Alex Cooper?

  This could also just be like a full episode where I'm just really doing this for myself and talking to myself and my family members, but hopefully this is relatable to you. I think it's important to do a little reality check around this time of year because we are kind of weeks out from all of the amazing, sometimes, chaos beginning. And I feel like we can picture what our holiday is gonna look like and we can easily get our hopes up. We think it's gonna be like the Hallmark movies. We're gonna have matching pajamas with our family, although that may be a nightmare to some people. Some people would like that, you know? Big meals, presents, family time, laughter around the fireplace, hot cocoa, carolers.

• 3:51Alex Cooper?

  Like, it's, you're like, okay, this is the time of year that I've been literally waiting for. Like, this is my Pinterest board. Like, this is it, Alex. Like, I couldn't be more excited. And then we get to the moment that we've built up in our head and we're like,

• 4:06Alex Cooper?

  wait, why do I feel like low-key kind of disappointed and like a little let down? Like, this is literally not what I was envisioning. It's because the truth is, is that this time of year can be so disorienting and it can be a letdown. On paper, it's supposed to be the most joyful holiday season, but for a lot of us, it can be one of the hardest times of the year. And I promise you're not alone in feeling that way. I also want to make sure everyone knows, I don't think that I'm saying anything revolutionary, but I'm making sure that for the majority of people who are a little bit fucking sad and depressed during this time of year, you're not alone. If you are someone who has a perfect family and you're like, what are you literally talking about? I do have the picture-perfect life around the holidays.

• 4:51Alex Cooper?

  This may not be for you. I have a fucking seed stuck in my tooth and no one's in the room with me, so like... If there's a kernel in my tooth, no, it's not. And just pretend that you never saw that. Let's just pretend. Imagine I get through the whole fucking episode and I have a bunch of black shit in my teeth. Okay. Um, but yeah, you may be someone that this doesn't apply to, and that's completely fine. Anyways, for the other side of us that, you know, have struggled sometimes during the holidays, I want you to keep in mind, and this is just like a cozy reminder. Every single advertisement, every Christmas song, every cozy movie, it is all designed to make you feel like the holidays are a time of just pure excitement and that everything is going to be magical and perfect.

• 5:34Alex Cooper?

  But trust me, most people's holidays do not look like that. If you're the person sitting here being like, why can't my family be like the rest? Babe, you're actually, you're actually the norm. Okay? You're actually not the outlier in this situation. You are 100% the majority because the holidays can bring a lot of financial stress. It can bring loneliness. It can bring grief or highlight grief, right? Whether you're missing someone, maybe you're feeling left out. Or also just the more like common one, like you are so stretched thin with work and you're trying to keep up. And then it's the holidays and it's like, oh my God, I feel like I am underwater. You could be dealing with family dynamics, travel plans, work deadlines. The list goes on, right?

• 6:19Alex Cooper?

  And somehow we are still expected to feel rested and joyful after all of the chaos. I just want to remind everyone, no one has a perfect family. No matter how good they may make it look, everyone has something. Maybe your family is the loud and chaotic family. Maybe they are cold and disconnected. Maybe there is addiction going on in your household. Like everything going on in your family just gets extremely elevated during the holiday season. And it can be so, so hard to, you know, go from building this up in your head of how excited you are to have a few days off of work and, you know, you think you're going to get to relax.

• 7:03Alex Cooper?

  And then your uncle says something offensive before dinner even fucking starts. And you're like, oh, cool, cool. Okay. Love that for me. God fucking Damn it. Like you haven't even been able to catch a break for a second and then it just all starts getting fucking thrown at you and you're like, "Oh, I forgot. This is what the holidays is actually like." Like when it comes to family, I think my advice, and I don't know if this is me being like pessimistic, but it's the honest truth is like, "I've seen it enough. I've done this show for long enough and I have so many people that always write in just being like, I was so let down." I think when it comes to family, it can be healthy to slightly, I'm just saying slightly, not completely,

• 7:44Alex Cooper?

  but slightly lower your expectations, right? Cause like how amazing if you go and be like, "This is about to be shit." And then it's like, "Oh my God, my grandma didn't make a racist comment. My dad didn't get hammered. My mom wasn't a narcissist. My fucking cousin didn't like smack me in the head." Like there's so much beauty happening right now. It's almost better to go in like that than rather expect the world and literally just get fucking shit on.

• 8:13Alex Cooper?

  But I think also something as I've reflected with my therapist is like, something about the holidays obviously is just so nostalgia core coded, right? And I think a lot of times when we think about the holidays, we feel like they should feel like they did when we were kids. And obviously that's not gonna happen. So I think it can end up highlighting how different things are now than they were in your childhood, right? Circumstances change, people pass away, relationships end, families break up, parents get divorced. Family dynamics shift throughout time. And to help us get through this, I just want to highlight like on normal days,

• 8:58Alex Cooper?

  as an adult, you are not having to confront all of it at once, right? You are not in a room with all of these people and all of these triggers. It's piecemeal throughout the year, but then the holidays come and it kind of just slaps us in the face and it's like, "God damn, my shit's so fucked." Like no. And I think that is really when the sadness can creep in.

• 9:22Alex Cooper?

  You expect things to either look like they used to, or you expect things to be different than they were. Like, how have we not grown as a family? How are we still fighting over the same thing that we did when we were five years old? Like, how is this happening? The overarching theme is the holidays, most of the time, do not live up to the expectations that we built up in our head, right? Like I said, I think the first step in surviving the holidays and actually having a chance to enjoy them is to stop trying to make them perfect. We cannot control what it's all gonna be like, but we can control how we react. You already know what your triggers are with your family, or the people you're gonna be spending it with, right? Like, maybe it's the way the energy shifts after your family has had that third round of drinks, and everyone's always fighting.

• 10:06Alex Cooper?

  Or maybe your aunt, who is always making a comment when you help yourself to seconds about your body. Like, you know it's gonna come, or maybe it's running into your hometown friends at the bar, and like, feeling left out, and it's triggering you back to high school or middle school, or whatever it be. My advice is as we get closer to all of this coming to a head, try to anticipate what that trigger is for you, and recognize those things that year after year keep making you feel upset, and just try to get ahead of it. Like, literally just try to get ahead of it, like, okay, I know this is gonna happen, so one, how will I respond this year? And how will I respond in a way that will make my time happier and more enjoyable, right?

• 10:50Alex Cooper?

  And so maybe it's setting some boundaries, maybe it's breaking patterns, maybe it's breaking traditions. Like, you have to decide for yourself. Every family is different. I could sit here for hours and just go through scenarios, but you, every single person, listening right now, close your eyes. Don't do it if you're driving, but close your eyes. Even if you're at work, your boss is walking by, eh, hold on, hold on, Ron. I need to lock in. Alex is telling me to locate the family trauma really quick. Hold on, hold on, I'll get you the sales report in one minute. Okay, everyone, close your eyes. What is the thing that you know is gonna trigger you for the holidays? Uh, it came to you're like, babe, how do I pick one? Like Alex, um, which one should I pick? Okay, we all have it in our head.

• 11:33Alex Cooper?

  Now for the next few hours, minutes or days, start to just plan the shield around yourself of how you're gonna try to not let that fucking ruin your holiday this fucking year. And I know it's really difficult to do because there's gonna be circumstances that you cannot control, but I think just finding what works for you, right? It is okay to not have a perfect holiday and a perfect family that, you know, you see on Instagram, but newsflash, like, most of the people probably posting how happy their family is on fucking holidays on Instagram are the most miserable. Cause if you're really that happy, are you on your fucking phone? No, I know some of the best holidays I've had with my family.

• 12:16Alex Cooper?

  I'm like, you guys, we didn't post, we didn't take a picture, we did nothing. Cause we were playing board games and cards and whatever. And it's like, that's being present is a privilege during the holidays. Being able to be present and actually not wanting to be on your phone is a privilege because there's so much going on and so much trauma and so much baggage and history that it's really, really hard to just enjoy yourself. So just a little reminder, you know, and even if the people that are posting on fucking Instagram are actually happy, don't, don't DM me. I'm trying to make everyone else feel good, okay? Try to just enjoy yourself, I think is what I'm gonna try to just instill within myself

• 12:57Alex Cooper?

  and for you guys and try not to let the romanticizing of this time of year let you down. I had you guys write in specific questions about how to navigate the holidays because that's literally what's about to consume our fucking lives. So if you're ready, cause I'm ready, let's answer some questions of the motherfucking week. Okay, let me get my, let me get the questions, hold on.

• 13:39Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. As you guys know, I have basically been working double time throughout this pregnancy to bank episodes for the month that I will be on maternity leave. And a few weeks ago, it all just kind of hit me. I was like, wait, wait, wait, where did summer go? And I was talking about this with Matt and he ended up surprising me with a little staycation. He booked this beautiful home on Airbnb in Malibu so that we could pretend like it was summer while it's still warm here in LA. The weather was perfect. The house was right on the beach, which was so relaxing and amazing. It also had just such a gorgeous kitchen. We stayed in, we cooked dinner together. And you know, daddy gained my cooking skills. They have,

• 14:24Alex Cooper?

  they have gotten better. They've gotten a little bit better through pregnancy. But it was really just so nice to unplug and spend that time together before the baby comes and we move into this completely new chapter of our life. So whether you're planning a cozy weekend away, or you're just looking for an excuse to unplug for a few days, October is the perfect time to get out of town. Booking a home on Airbnb makes the trip feel even more special because everyone has room to actually spend time together. Whether you're coming back after a long day out, or you're also just cooking dinner, Airbnb makes settling in even easier because you can order groceries for your trip and have all the snacks and essentials delivered after you arrive.

• 15:06Alex Cooper?

  My favorite fall trips always have one thing in common, an amazing place to say. That's why I always look at Airbnb first. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by My Mochi. Everyone is talking about Dubai chocolate, chocolate with pistachio flavored cream. Well, now Mochi Ice Cream has its own version of Dubai chocolate. Spoiler alert, guys, it's delicious. My Mochi Dubai Chocolate Ice Cream is premium pistachio flavored ice cream with cayenne and chocolatey flavored

• 15:40Alex Cooper?

  Bits wrapped in sweet chewy chocolate flavored dough. It's only 80 calories per piece, nut free and easy to share because it comes in a box with six individual snacks. I am obsessed with my mochi. And when you give me that plus a good chocolate, I'm going to have that in my freezer. Every single night, I'm going to pop one in. I am obsessed. I love it so much. Taste the joy with every bite of my mochi ice cream. Look for the green and brown box of my mochi Dubai chocolate ice cream in the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify.

• 16:20Alex Cooper?

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• 17:02Alex Cooper?

  Shopify truly makes it so much easier for customers to discover and buy products wherever they're browsing. And this has been such a game changer for Unwell. I love being able to sell merch directly on all the Call Her Daddy channels. So everything is in one place for the daddy gang. So, ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy. Okay. Question one. Hi, Father Cooper. My boyfriend invited me to spend Thanksgiving at his house and I'm meeting his entire family for the first time. I'm freaking out and want to be sure that I make a good impression. What should I do? What should I wear?

• 17:47Alex Cooper?

  Please help me. Oh my God. Okay. I mean, before we get into it, I think it's just like important to acknowledge that spending the holidays with a partner is a big deal and a big step in the relationship. Typically, that I would assume that means you guys are getting more serious and you can see a legitimate future together, which is very exciting. I'm happy for you. My advice is just to also go into this, like, this is a good trial run to see how you would fit in with his family and whether or not you could picture being a part of each other's lives, right? Like, you get to experience their traditions up close and you could really learn a lot about their family dynamic. And so,

• 18:28Alex Cooper?

  something to keep in mind, though, is, like I just talked about, the holidays are a high-stress, high-tension time, right? So, I'm not saying that they should be like the most insane family and like give them a break for it, but like their behavior, just keep in mind, may not represent what they actually are like around the day-to-day, right? Especially at the holidays, not every single interaction is gonna be perfect. There will probably be some awkward or tough moments. There could be a family fight. And so, just remember to give both yourself and their family a little bit of grace. Okay, so now, let's talk about the very basic steps of like how to make a good first impression. And we can also get into actual conversations and interactions

• 19:13Alex Cooper?

  that you should be having while you're there. My first piece of advice, very simple, very basic, but like absolutely necessary, you need to bring a gift, okay? This does not have to be an elaborate, expensive situation, but you should never, ever, ever show up to someone's Thanksgiving dinner or someone's home, in my opinion, completely empty-handed when they are hosting you. Some safe and foolproof gifts are things like a cute scented candle, a fruit basket, a bottle of wine, if the family drinks, or since it is Thanksgiving, you could ask your boyfriend, like, hey, do they need me to cook anything? If you're a cook. Sweetie, if you don't cook, I wouldn't use this

• 19:56Alex Cooper?

  as an opportunity to try to make a pumpkin pie for the first time. Maybe lay off. Maybe, this is where self-awareness kicks in, and it's like, maybe don't try to make the stuffing.

• 20:09Alex Cooper?

  Just bring a fucking candle. But if you do, maybe bake a pie. Maybe that's something you're really good at and you could show off, right? Like, bring a dessert. Bring something extra, literally anything that you walk in with is thoughtful, right? Like I said, it's a big deal to be included in someone's holiday. So I think just making sure you're constantly being like thankful. I know that sounds literally like you're like, I don't need to suck up to these people. Saying thank you a good amount of times gets you some high regard, sweetie. Now, don't be a fucking over the top bitch where they're like, Jesus Christ, we get it. You're fucking thankful. Well, that is what this holiday is about, so keep that in mind. I'm just so thankful to be with Marty's family today. And they're like, shut up, Christine. And you're like, oh, fuck. Don't be annoying, like chew try hard.

• 20:51Alex Cooper?

  You gotta, you gotta, that's the beauty of self-awareness is like, find that middle ground, sweetie. And it ain't easy to find, so you gotta feel it. You gotta really be in your body this Thanksgiving with your partner. Can we talk about outfits? Dressing for Thanksgiving can be a little bit tricky. I know personally, you know, I love to stuff my face. I'm going in for seconds, thirds and many more rounds for Thanksgiving dinner. So I personally would like to wear a pant that is elastic, right? There's no buttons or if there's buttons, I'm unbuttoning them out the fucking table. But you know, I feel like a lot of families aren't casual for Thanksgiving. It is kind of fun to dress up anyways, although I'm like, let's just do sweats. And my whole family's always like, no, Alex, like put on a skirt. I'm like, oh.

• 21:37Alex Cooper?

  But I do think you can kind of never go wrong with like a pant, a loafer and a little cute sweater, like a skirt sweater combo. But overall, you do not want to feel uncomfortable. And a lot of families have a lot of traditions around this type of dress code situation. So if I were you, ask your boyfriend, like, can you tell me what your mom or your sister, or any of like the women like usually wear? Or how about, actually, this could be a great conversation starter, depending on how close you are. Do you know his sister? Does he have a sister? That would be maybe a good time to text her and be like, hey, like just wondering what you're wearing. But do not wear a crop top. Do not. Probably don't have your tits out, right?

• 22:17Alex Cooper?

  Like, it's just, it's just the things that you want his grandma to see. And, you know, to each his own. If you want to go clubbing outfit, uh, do your thing. I just wouldn't personally recommend it. This is a family gathering, okay? Keep it together, Janice. You and your boyfriend, I also would say, to set yourself up for success, talk to him about all the people that you're going to be meeting before you walk into this house, right? We got, we got a lot of weird people. We gotta, we got a lot of freaks in families. And we love the freaks, but you gotta know the freaks. You gotta have, you gotta, you gotta get your bearings.

• 22:59Alex Cooper?

  And I would think it's nice of your boyfriend to not let you get your initial bearings while you're just out there raw dogging it alone, right? Your boyfriend should kind of be giving you that, like, the mean girls moment, where it's like, the, these people at this table are like this, and this group is like this. Like, give me the lay of the land, John. Like, I want to know what I'm getting myself into. Like, oh, Aunt Betty isn't invited this year. And, oh yeah, Uncle fucking Jerry, he's probably going to make an inappropriate comment about your boobs, and just stay strong, you know? And, oh yeah, my dad will absolutely be tanked, but like, just keep it moving. Oh yeah, and by the way, my Aunt Gertrude, she's definitely gonna fucking hit on you. And you're like, wait, your Aunt Gertrude? He's like, oh yeah, a finger under the table may come.

• 23:44Alex Cooper?

  You gotta just boundary that shit up, cross the legs. And you can, you can say something. You can say, Gertrude? Gertrude? Yup, keep the fingers to yourself. Like, he's gonna tell you, because he's been there since day one with these freaks. He's been there, he's been there. When one of them got the fucking, you know, DUI, he's been there. When the medics came, because fucking Franny thought it would be fun to jump off the fucking roof into the snow and then broke her bones. This is, this is your worst case. And imagine if he's like, oh yeah, like, my mom can just be a little talkative. Oh! Marry him, okay? But most of the time, there is an Aunt Betty, there is an Uncle Jerry.

• 24:29Alex Cooper?

  I don't know if there's an Aunt Gertrude, but you get what I'm fucking saying, okay? So really try to get your boyfriend to give you the down low before you're in and around. Because that's the beauty, then you can be like watching for all of these dynamics, but you can be on guard. You can be on motherfucking guard and you can kind of show up because you're like, oh, this one's trigger is this. I'm gonna absolutely be good with this woman. Do you know what I'm saying? Like have a little bit of your repertoire stacked, ready to go. But yeah, I feel like it also is just like makes such a bad impression. If you are not talking a lot, I get you can be shy, but you don't want to go in there and like

• 25:14Alex Cooper?

  barely engage with his family because you're trying not to fuck up. And then they're going to be like, okay, like you literally brought a girl that's just like being fucking mute all night. Like you want to let them get to know you to a certain degree. So yes, share some things about yourself. Don't overshare because then they're like, Jesus Christ, she's obsessed with herself. There is no winning, but this is what I will tell you. Talk, right? Talk, share a couple of things about yourself, but this is the silver. This is that little, this is, this is the actual sweet spot. When you go to someone's Thanksgiving, all you have to do to be a winner is ask people about themselves. Tell me about you. Wait, okay, so how, okay, and you and Kyle are obviously cousins, right? Okay, yeah, sweet.

• 25:57Alex Cooper?

  And wait, so you guys grew up together? Wait, tell me. Oh, my God, he, I think he mentioned that. Wait, and so you guys went to the same, oh, you went to different schools. Wait, so would you have sleepover? Stop. Did you guys like do this? Have you guys been together for everything? Oh, my gosh, what's your favorite memory? No way. Wait, and so Kyle obviously decided not to go to college. Are you in college? Oh, you're in college. Okay, cool. Like, does he ever visit you? You just, you just, you ask people about themselves and the narcissist everyone is. Oh, they're gonna be like, I am so obsessed with your girlfriend, Kyle. She is a delight. Now, if Kyle was like, tell me one thing about her, they'd be like, oh. Now, in hindsight, I can't really think about much because, well, and then it's like, oh,

• 26:41Alex Cooper?

  they talk about themselves the whole time and you were just there to help them. Go through all of this Freudian stuff. They start trauma dumping on you. Oh, lean in, Christine. Christine, when that family starts trauma dumping, now don't add to it and don't gossip, but just, oh, tell me more. Oh, God, that must have been hard. How are you feeling? Blah, blah. That's it. That's it. Okay. And then also, if you want to really be like, oh, you're getting a ring at the end of this, offer to help out in cleanup crew. Oh, cleanup crew, aisle 10. Boom. You start scrubbing a dish for this family. You're literally, you have now the choice. If you want to marry Kyle or not, because his whole family is going

• 27:24Alex Cooper?

  to be like, Christine, through and through, top tier, top notch, grade A bitch. Way to go, Kyle, because you never pick them right. So, I mean, that was a long one, but you know what I'm saying is like, you are going to be fine. And you just have to stick to,

• 27:46Alex Cooper?

  you got this. You're gonna be fine. Um, okay. Next question. Hi, Daddy. I need your help. My husband and I always spend Christmas with my family and Thanksgiving with his. Christmas is extremely important to my parents, and we have tons of traditions we do together. But this year, my mother-in-law has decided she wants us to spend Christmas with them instead, and it's causing a ton of drama. My side of the family is upset, his side of the family is upset, and I feel totally stuck in the middle. What should I do? Oh, wow. Okay. This is really difficult because I feel like this is one of the biggest things in families that can obviously cause conflict is deciding who's hosting, who's

• 28:30Alex Cooper?

  going. And I think as we get older, there's so many sides to each family. Like, it's like, first it's your immediate, and then one person gets married, and then another. And there's all these different in-laws and all these extended families. And it gets really confusing. I guess my question back to you would be like, What has changed that his family now randomly wants to start hosting Christmas? Clearly, this, it seems like there's been no drama and it's kind of been like this like perfect balance of like Thanksgiving with them, Christmas with yours. And I guess I would just ask, like, did something happen that made them want Christmas? I also would say, not to be a dick, because I think this is fair, like, okay, well, then if they get Christmas, then you should get Thanksgiving, right?

• 29:13Alex Cooper?

  Because it's like, now you're not going to take both huge holidays and they, his family just own them, right? Like, there needs to be a trade-off. My biggest suggestion, though, when it comes to this kind of stuff is, you need to just get on the same page with your husband. And I think what you can do is open it up to him of like, hey, I know that we've done Thank Christmas with my family every single year. And I know your mom is pushing for this, your dad is pushing for this, but like, what do you, what do you feel about it? Because maybe he'll come to you and be like, honestly, like, I've been really struggling because I know how much we are already ingrained in this part of the family with your family and like this tradition. But I would like to like have one of the Christmases with my family, which I think is so fair.

• 29:58Alex Cooper?

  You just have to talk about it. But then there also needs to be, again, a give and take. So if you, if he came to you and was like, this is something that like now in hindsight, like, I do want to spend a Christmas with my mom or my dad or all those things and my siblings, whatever. That is, not only is that fair, that is so normal, right? Because it clearly you guys aren't merging. So I do then think that it's like, okay, then this is a conversation to be had about how can we then do something with my family for Christmas? I know that this sounds like a lot, you guys, but as you continue to grow your family outside of just your immediate and people are getting married and there's all these different in-laws.

• 30:36Alex Cooper?

  There needs to be sometimes two of things, right? Like, maybe you're doing Christmas Eve and you're celebrating Christmas and then on Christmas, you're going to his family. Like, it almost is kind of like how divorce works a little bit, right? It's like, my family, your family. And it's lovely, obviously, if people can all come together. But realistically, if you have more than one sibling, or in all these dynamics, everyone then, like, my brother has in-laws now, right? Like, Matt has siblings who have in-laws. So that all of a sudden, there's all these different families. The immediate family is coming together is not really a thing as much anymore. At least, like, I know in my dynamic, we have so many fucking people

• 31:18Alex Cooper?

  that you kind of have to pick and choose, like, where you're going per just you and your couple. Because all your siblings and everyone are doing a bunch of different things with also their in-laws. And you kind of have to see, can we coordinate? And if not, great. Um, sorry, this is getting so into the weeds. I know this is really difficult. But yeah, my advice would be, you need to have a trade-off. You can't now just give his family every fucking holiday. That's not fair. So I get why your family would be upset. But I do think you don't now need to just leave your family high and dry. If this is something that would be fair to give your husband's family, then how are you guys going to make it up on your side of the family? Again, whether you do something with your family on a different day,

• 32:00Alex Cooper?

  or whether you end up doing Thanksgiving with your family. Um, it's really difficult. And I think it's going to be an ever-evolving process. Because then it's like, which family member has kids first? And then there's like the grandchildren. And it's like, it is never-ending. So yeah, that is why it is kind of nice to be married to a man who is Jewish. Because I have all of the Catholic holidays. And then Matt's family gets all of the Jewish holidays. And it's like, boom. And then there's Thanksgiving, which is always then now rotating, which is very fun. Okay, next.

• 32:36Alex Cooper?

  There is nothing that makes me happier than when I get a compliment from someone and they say, "Alex, you smell delicious." Okay? I mean, is there anything better than someone telling you you smell good? No. And you want to know what I'm wearing? You already know what I'm wearing. Yves Saint Laurent Beauty. Okay, let's go. If you are looking for a new statement fragrance, Yves Saint Laurent's Iconic Lieve Collection is everything you've been looking for to turn heads and feel your most confident. The Vanilla fragrances are all the rage and Yves Saint Laurent's Lieve Vanilla Couture is the best one out there. Listen to me, Daddy Gang. It's Lieve's first ever limited edition fragrance.

• 33:19Alex Cooper?

  It's sweet yet bold with rich vanilla caviar, rum liqueur, absolute lavender and orange blossom, the most delectable version of Lieve. Of course, the original Lieve Eau de Parfum never misses either. Its iconic fragrance is infused with lavender and orange blossom. It's the most amazing warm floral for every day, which you've heard me talk about. But Daddy Gang, this is your sign, okay? Lieve Vanilla Couture. Boom, here we go. You are going to want to be smelling amazing. And there you go. Shop now at Sephora. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy Gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want

• 34:03Alex Cooper?

  with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. So anytime that I am finding myself having a habit that I just cannot kick, I'm like, "Okay, I need to talk about this in therapy." Listen, guys, everyone has habits, mindsets, or patterns that don't serve them. But recognizing what they are and learning how to let them go can be so important. It's literally the first step towards creating meaningful change. And therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to explore where those patterns come from and develop healthier habits and mindsets for a more fulfilling life.

• 34:48Alex Cooper?

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• 35:33Alex Cooper?

  I am the oldest in my family and I feel like I'm the least ahead in life. I don't have anything close to my dream job. I still live with my roommates and even though all of my siblings are in long-term relationships, I'm still single. I'm really dreading Thanksgiving because I know everyone is going to ask me a million questions and make me feel like I'm a failure. I also am stressed because I'm going to be watching everyone in these dynamics and I'm just going to be alone. What should I do?

• 36:00Alex Cooper?

  It's so hard. It's so hard because again, like what you're saying in this, which I have such empathy for is like, you're basically saying, I am aware that in comparison to my siblings and their lives, I'm at a very different point. I wouldn't even say you're behind, okay? Don't say you're behind. You're just at a very different point, right? And so you're probably not thinking about this Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sunday even. You may not think about this a lot, but a lot of times, obviously, like I said at the beginning of this episode, when you are experiencing the holidays in a way that is...

• 36:44Alex Cooper?

  All encompassing, which is most of us, you can't help but go down every rabbit hole of, oh my God, okay, so this one is in a relationship and they've been together and now they're going to be talking about wedding dresses and I don't want to be there. And so like you're being faced with the comparison and the, um, you're also with your siblings who you've literally known since birth. So you're like, oh my God, then there's also the added element of like you being the oldest, but feeling like you're behind. Like there are so many things that are triggering you understandably because of the, um, dynamic of it being family. I think that it's really, really hard not to regress to how we grew up with our siblings. When you're with your siblings in these type of environments, like you have been together for Christmases. I've been with

• 37:26Alex Cooper?

  my siblings for Christmases for 31 years. Okay. And I still will find myself with my sister and with my brother and with my parents and we can try not to laugh about it, but inevitably there are moments with my family where I catch myself and I'm like, oh my God, I'm acting like Alex, the 12 year old who was annoyed at my brother for this. And we are regressing because that is like how we see each other. Sometimes with our siblings is still as children. Like you in your day to day, and again, I could be wrong, but it, it seems like you're so stressed because of the comparison, but probably in your day to day, you feel really good about yourself. Right? Like there's a reason you're not with someone right now. There's a reason, right? Where you're

• 38:07Alex Cooper?

  focusing, whether it's on your career or your hobbies or your friends, you are living your own individual life and the time that you're feeling the most insecure about it is when you're comparing it to your siblings. That is so normal. Like validating you, you're going to have a pit in your stomach. I get that. But if you can try to retrain your brain going into this, being like, this is the most heightened, because it's not friends. These are your siblings. You guys have said the worst things to each other in the world. You've gotten probably in the worst fights ever, and you also love them more than anything. Sibling dynamics are so fucking complicated. And so a lot of times when you grow up, and I know I was like this with my siblings and we've talked about it.

• 38:49Alex Cooper?

  You can get competitive with your siblings, not in a way that you even want them to fail, but like your whole life, you're living with these people, you're watching their accolades, you're having dinners, you're like listening to what they did at school or how they did it, whatever. And so you're all gauging for your whole childhood. Oh, this one's doing this right, and this one's in trouble, or this one's grounded. You're all in this ecosystem that's so on top of each other. And then you go out into the world and you live your own life. And when you're put back into that, you go right back into that ecosystem and you regress and you feel like a child again. And I also think, again, I don't know your family, but something that I would give you as advice to leave you with this is, yes, you can try all the things of don't compare

• 39:30Alex Cooper?

  yourself to your siblings, easier said than done, but don't, don't allow this one week or whatever it be to derail what you've been working for, for yourself individually. However, you could also say that to your siblings. Guys, I know, like sometimes you have to use humor. Hey, everyone, we're starting the holidays off. I just want to acknowledge that I know all of you are in relationships. I know all of you are like, whether you're married or your kids or your whatever, and I'm the only single one, I'm gonna say it and I'm gonna be the only one to say it. And we're gonna not bring it up because I don't, I can't handle it. I can't handle it this holiday, right? So like, let's not talk about my dating life and don't ask me about it.

• 40:08Alex Cooper?

  Honestly, then your siblings are gonna be like, okay, Francis, like, cool, don't care. Cause no one really gives a fuck. No one cares. No one really fucking cares. No one cares. But when you're in these environments, all of a sudden you're like, uh, yeah, Francis, how's the dating pool going? Like, cause people are just trying to have a conversation. And if you kind of, you could almost do that and just be like, I'm not interested. If my sister or my brother did that to me, I'd be like, okay. And then I wouldn't bring it up because it's kind of like, cool. So I'm sorry though, I know that's. Dude, sibling shit is so fucking annoying. It's, it's not easy. Um, okay, next.

• 40:51Alex Cooper?

  Every holiday and birthday, my boyfriend gets me the worst gift ever. It's honestly really upsetting, not because I'm being materialistic, but because it feels like he doesn't know me or my personality at all. How do I talk to him about this? Um, here's what I think. Sometimes with gifts with partners, it's a really, there's, there's kind of two paths and there's no in-between. Either, well, yes, then there's the people that get you fucking great gifts. But if someone is getting you not good gifts, they're either like really, really trying, right? And you're like, oh my God, babe. And he's like, look what I made you. And it's like, you guys had gone to Paris for like your three year

• 41:35Alex Cooper?

  and he ends up like making this like god awful hideous Eiffel Tower thing. And he like made these little handcrafted things and it's like the two of you in the Eiffel Tower kissing and you're literally like Legos. But it's like, he tried so hard and he's like, I spent like almost like an entire week building this thing for you that I thought you could put at your desk in your office or whatever. And you're literally like, oh my God, Steve, that is beyond gorge. You're like, oh my God, Steve, Steve, Steve. Oh my God, I love you so much, Steve. Thank you, Steve. Thank you for the fucking Lego set. And then he's like, whoa, wait, do you not like it? And you're like, and you want to be like, of course I don't like the fucking Lego set, Steve.

• 42:21Alex Cooper?

  But then you like see on his like pure baby angel face and you're like, oh my God, this poor man actually thought I was gonna like this. Like, but he, and it's a whole misunderstanding and you're kind of like, oh, this poor man. And he constantly tries to do these really thoughtful things that just fucking flop. That's one side. The other side that I see that I worry about is like,

• 42:41Alex Cooper?

  When guys are getting you really bad gifts, I, I can't help but think like, they're not listening to you. Does he understand what you like to do, where you shop, what you wear, what your favorite things are to do with your girlfriends? Like, is he engaged enough in your life and present enough and actually focused enough to understand what you like? Because a gift for a woman is not that hard. It's really, really, really, really, really not that hard. And I would go as far to say, it's probably actually one of the easiest things men can do for a woman is just get them a good gift. Clothes, jewelry, um, you know, a bottle

• 43:24Alex Cooper?

  of wine and a fucking romantic card, um, flowers and a little bracelet and a card that is a love letter. Um, love letters. You could literally give her love. Oh, wait, that would require him to know how to read and write. Um, no, no, this, there is like endless. Get her a gift card to Sephora. Get her, like, there's so much. And then men, it's like, do you want a, do you want a fucking fishing rod, you loser? Like, oh, I already got you a fishing rod. Um, I got you a new golf set. Um, I got you a new golf polo that I get the ick every time you wear it. Um,

• 44:05Alex Cooper?

  I got you a golf belt. Um, I got you some Bud Lights and I got you new khakis. You fucking loser. Like, then it's like, what else could a man need? Right? Like, a watch, I guess, for your 10th anniversary? Like, we're really pushing it with men. There's not much to give because there's not much to them, you know? Women, oh, the complexity. We are, we are range to range. We've got, we have literal range. You could go so many different directions and it ain't that hard, right? So if your boyfriend is like really missing the mark when it comes to gifts, I guess I would ask you, does he know your middle name?

• 44:49Alex Cooper?

  Like, does he know you? Is he, is he, is he really in tune? Like, when you go to date nights, do you find yourself talking a lot at him and him kind of like glazed over? Or is he like, wait, but babe, I remember you said three months ago that you didn't like, Veronica, like, and you're like, no, that was Vicky. And you're like, oh, my bad. Okay, but yeah, so it was Vicky. You got in a fight about this. Does he know? And again, listen, there's sometimes Matt just glazes right over when I'm talking about all the reality shows or the drama. For sure, they can tune some of it out. But to what extent is this man tuning you out? Because I think when it comes to gifts, sometimes it's like, oh, my God, I know.

• 45:34Alex Cooper?

  Listen, shout out to my brother. I love you so much. He's really bad at this and I've been really helpful to him. I'm like, what is she like? And he's like, oh, yeah, she always wears. Do I'm like, well, what color jewelry does she wear? And he's like, gold. I'm like, there you go. Now let's go to the jewelry store and get her a gold fucking necklace. So it's like, pretty basic. It's pretty basic, pretty, pretty basic. I guess you could do this is if you're finding yourself being like, no, no, no, he really knows me. He just still sucks at getting gifts. You're going to make a shared notes app. That's what you're going to do. You're going to make a shared notes app and you're going to say, hey, babe, hey, babe, hey, baby.

• 46:14Alex Cooper?

  I love you, but I'm finding that I don't want you spending money on things that like, I'm not going to use. And I love that you try each year to get me good gifts, but there are also things throughout the year I realized that like, I never really would get myself, but I would like as a gift. And so I'm going to just start a notes app throughout the year, not just leading up to Christmas or birthdays or holidays, whatever, throughout the year. And every time you see something that you like, just throw it in the notes app. And so then he can have a plethora of things that wouldn't let you down as he is going shopping on these glorious canon events. Yeah, that's, that's kind of my, that's my two cents. Let me know if you guys agree or disagree.

• 47:14Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200 career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit SNHU.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. Make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. I feel like the best gifts are always the ones that feel really personal, right? Like, anyone can buy you something nice,

• 48:00Alex Cooper?

  but when someone gives you a gift that is actually meaningful, you appreciate it so much more. And that's what I do love about Pandora. They have so many pieces that you can really just make your own, from festive charms to personalized engravings and jewelry that can represent the people and the moments that mean the most to you. So whether you're shopping for your partner or your mom, your best friend, you can find something that really is specific to them. Maybe it's a charm that makes you think of the trip that you guys took together once, or maybe it's an engraving for your anniversary, or just a piece that feels like them the second you see it. Pandora makes it so easy to give a gift that feels thoughtful and personal

• 48:42Alex Cooper?

  and makes every holiday moment even more meaningful and special. Because at the end of the day, the best gifts aren't just about the piece itself, but it's the intention and the story behind them. Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now at pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store. Okay, next question.

• 49:04Alex Cooper?

  I have been unhappy in my relationship for a few months now and I know it's time to end things, but it feels so mean to break up with someone right around the holidays. Should I hang on until New Year's or get it over with? Help. Oh, sweetie, this is like grade A Alex Cooper shit. I have ended so many relationships around the holidays. I have helped my siblings and relationships around the holidays and friends and friends have helped me and relationships around the holidays. Here's the thing, you think in your brain, oh, just wait through the holidays.

• 49:45Alex Cooper?

  Like it will just be more traumatizing to them to break up with them right before Christmas and we already actually made plans for New Year's and so I'll just do it after. No, no, no, no, no. If there's anything, because I don't really believe in resolutions or the fucking, you know, Jan 1, let's, let's reorg our life. Um, what I actually do believe in with the Jan 1 resolutions is you are not going into this next year with bad energy and you are not going into that next year with someone that you know for a damn fact you don't want to be with. And I'm also not letting you bring them in to the new year with a relationship that you're aware is over, but

• 50:25Alex Cooper?

  they're not aware. Because guess what's not fair? You know, you know that around the holidays, they're going to be like, what? Oh, my God, for the new year, like, we should go here. Or what, what are we going to do in the summertime? They're planning. You start planning, you know, you start planning for what's the next year, 2026 is going to be big. It's going to be big for us, babe. This is a big year. And all of a sudden, you're literally like, I am literally breaking up with you on January 1st. And you don't even know. You didn't even tell Kristoff that you're going to end it. And you're fucking sitting there and Kristoff is dreaming about the world with you. And you're literally like, only two more days till I can fucking get rid of this person. Like, not fair. Weirdly, I think the holidays are fabulous time to break up with someone because

• 51:12Alex Cooper?

  The holidays are depressing anyways. You know, we have all the like the Hallmark and the ooh and the ah and the rom coms and the gorgeous and the, you know, you watch all the movies. But in hindsight, you know, shit's dark around the holidays. So let them just dig deep into the darkness and get broken up with and then be with their family. And then their family's gonna be like, F her. She's not shit. Like you were better than her. And let Kristoff marinate in his sadness in the warm embrace in the arms of his family. Not in the arms of you, the traitor who knows you're over it, but you're still like, Merry Christmas babe, let's watch Elf. And he's like, that reminds me of us. And you're literally like,

• 51:59Alex Cooper?

  you, you know, breaking up with someone during the holidays is actually the most selfless thing you can do. And I know some people may disagree with me on that. To hold hands as the carolers come by, we wish you a Merry Christmas. And Kristoff is looking at you with crystals in his eyes like, that's my baby. That's my baby. Can't wait to ring in the new year with her. Can't wait to have the most romantic mistletoe kiss later tonight. Can't wait to do all, can't wait for her. Oh, how about this? Can't wait to give her her gift. I got her a Tiffany necklace. I got her a, I got her a gorgeous bouquet of whatever. This poor man during the holidays, or this

• 52:44Alex Cooper?

  poor woman, when you're in a relationship, this is the most, it can be the most romantic time for couples. So when you're privy to the information that you don't want to be in said couple anymore, girl, you gotta let him go. You gotta let him go. So his mother, or his father, or his friends, or his siblings, or whoever it be, can hold him and can watch movies with him. And he can cry and drink eggnog and, you know, drink himself to sleep, or eat himself to sleep, or whatever he does to cope. And then come Jan 1, for someone who was broken up with during the holidays, I think it's really nice and a refresh moment to be like, okay, come Jan 1, I'm getting myself up and I'm gonna move on from that relationship. So,

• 53:29Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, you're doing it. And anyone that's watching Daddy Gang, you will be breaking up with that person that you know you don't want to be with and you will not be fucking dragging them through Thanksgiving and Christmas and making them give you gifts and you getting them a gift. Cause then they're gonna be like, yo, you literally bought me that and you knew that you wanted to break up with me, but you still went to the store and bought me the gift? It's always better. And if your excuse to why you can't break up with someone during the holidays is because you already have plans and you already bought the tickets and everything. No. No. No. Nope. I refuse. I refuse. No. You're not staying with someone just because you booked the tickets to Abu Dhabi and you've

• 54:14Alex Cooper?

  got this big trip with the group. No, you're staying home and you're losing money. Or they can stay home. Once you break up with them, if it was your friends, that kind of sucks, but no, it's better because what than you get to Abu Dhabi? And your fucking tits are bouncing around and you're like, hey Abu Dhabi? And then he's sitting there Abu Dhabi-ing with you and fucking bouncing his shit around too. And then you're gonna cut him off by the knees and be like, oh, by the way, I'm breaking up with you right when you land? Then he's gonna have trust issues, honey. And this is where, I mean, we could do a whole episode on this because then you were living a lie and smiling in this person's face during this time.

• 54:57Alex Cooper?

  And then they're gonna sit there and be like, oh my God. While we were caroling, while we were watching the movie, while we were baking, this mother effer knew and still was a crazy bitch and went through with it and didn't just tell me. Cause guess what? They probably wouldn't want to be with you. Marinating the sauces and making the dips and the appetizers with you if they knew you didn't want to be with them. So give them a little bit of fucking truth and give them the chance to be like, sayonara. I don't want to spend my Christmas with you cold-hearted bitch. Um, so yeah, I think it's a little selfish to stay with someone during the holidays.

• 55:41Alex Cooper?

  And yeah, end it. Boom, boom, boom, boom. All right. Um, I feel like that's it for today. I think we accomplished a lot. I felt like this was good and I felt like. The honest truth that I said at the beginning, and I am saying this because I'm also saying it for myself, is like, do not let yourself over romanticize the holidays. That is only gonna let you down. And I hope when I say that, I want you all to know that I am so happy for you. If you are someone who doesn't have strained dynamics, or difficult dynamics,

• 56:24Alex Cooper?

  or families with lack of boundaries, or you know, addiction, or loss, or whatever it be like, what a blessing. And I hope you enjoy your holidays as you should and you deserve. But to the majority when I'm speaking, this is about to be up and down, right? There this, I'm not saying that this holiday season, there's not gonna be any happiness. It's just with the pressure and the weight, it's similar to New Year's Eve, it's similar to birthdays, when you have these big hallmark moments, there is the idealized romanticized version, and then there is reality. And I think the more that we go into these situations, just prepping ourselves, it will

• 57:05Alex Cooper?

  allow us to alleviate the pain and alleviate ourselves from feeling such a hole of like, why don't I have that type of family that can do X? Last note, and I don't know how many, obviously, people listening are gonna experience this, but if you're someone who's gonna spend the holidays alone, and maybe it's by choice, maybe it's not by choice, I can imagine,

• 57:30Alex Cooper?

  that's really difficult, because, or maybe it's not. Again, there may be some people be like, no, I'm literally choosing it. I'm gonna pour myself multiple, multiple glasses of wine, and I'm going to order my favorite food and have a great time. Love that for you. But there are some people that are gonna go through it this year. And just know, just know, and I hope this can help. It feels so all encompassing. And my biggest advice to you, number one, stay off social media. Because although on normal days, social media can maybe come as like, this distraction to you, and kind of like, take you out of your real life, you're going to be watching such

• 58:10Alex Cooper?

  Fakeness on social media of just like perfectly curated pictures and families and all of it. It's going to potentially make you feel more alone. So what I would do is lean into things that you've wanted to do throughout the year, but you never got to do. Like, maybe you've wanted to go to one of those like wine and paint classes, or maybe you've wanted to go see a movie and go to the movie theater alone. Maybe you've wanted to buy yourself these really cute pajamas or things and you never did it. Buy yourself the outfit, take yourself on a date, read a book. You know what I mean? Like, do things that are self-care almost that most people that are going to spend a lot of time with family during the holidays are not going to feel rejuvenated. I feel like everyone always says, "I need a vacation from the vacation."

• 58:55Alex Cooper?

  This is a very overstimulating time. So if you are someone that is going to be alone, use it to your advantage and pour so much time and love into yourself and invest in yourself. And then when everyone on January 2nd comes back to work and is like, "Oh, my God, like, I'm so tired, blah, blah, blah." You're like, in your, you don't need to be the person saying it out loud, but in your heart, you know, like, "I literally pampered myself for the past few weeks. I've never felt better." And I'm really proud of myself that like, I was able to spend that amount of alone time and find joy within myself and didn't have to like, you know, scroll and watch people and then feel worse about myself and then go to bed with an ache in my, like, no, just focus on yourself and that's that.

• 59:36Alex Cooper?

  I hope this made you feel better and I hope, I know it was a lot about like how it's not going to be the best holiday season. It can be, again, right? It's in your control of how you approach it and being realistic with yourself. And I hope that allowed you to maybe do some self-reflecting before all of the fun and beautiful, but also crazy chaos begins. I love you, Daddy Gang. You are not alone and just know that your father loves you. Okay, I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye. Today's episode was sponsored by Yves Saint Laurent's iconic Lieu de Parfum. This daring, yet distinctly warm floral and feminine fragrance is for those who do

• 1:00:21Alex Cooper?

  what they want and dare to be exactly who they are. Shop now at Sephora.

• 1:00:31Alex Cooper?

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• 1:01:15Alex Cooper?

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