Eating Crap

Phoebe Berman’s Gonna Lose It out NOW: https://sites.prh.com/phoebe-bermans-gonna-lose-it SUBSCRIBE TO THE BNC CHANNEL: https://bit.ly/45Pspyl Ad Free & Bonus Episodes: https://bit.ly/3OZxwpr This week, Connor is BALD! And Brooke is scared. They talk about her appearance on the Today Show, evil spirits haunting Zillow, and influencers being a little… tongue in cheek. Join our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5356639204457124/ Get 40% off select Lola Blankets products at https://Lolablankets.com by using code BNC at checkout. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets. Thanks to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit https://www.article.com/discount/bnc and the discount will be If you're between 18 and 24, check out Prime for Young Adults and start earning cash back on the purchases you're already making. Prime for Young Adults is only available for 18–24-year-olds. Terms apply. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/BANDC to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code BANDC. Popchips is sending you and your +1 to experience pop culture IRL at THAT Austin music fest! Go to https://popchips.com/brookeandconnor and enter for a chance to win a 3-day VIP trip for 2 to THAT Austin Music Fest. Shop SKIMS Cotton, and all of Brooke’s favorite pieces, at https://skims.com/bnc B+C IG: https://www.instagram.com/bncmap/ B+C Twitter: https://twitter.com/bncmap TMG Studios YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tinymeatgang TMG Studios IG: https://www.instagram.com/realtmgstudios/ TMG Studios Twitter: https://twitter.com/realtmgstudios BROOKE https://www.instagram.com/brookeaverick https://twitter.com/ladyefron https://www.tiktok.com/@ladyefron CONNOR https://www.instagram.com/fibula/ https://twitter.com/fibulaa https://www.tiktok.com/@fibulaa Hosted by Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, Created by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood, and Produced by TMG Studios, Brooke Averick & Connor Wood. 0:00 BALD 1:07 Intro 1:25 Soak It In 7:30 Adverse to Shiny Bald 9:50 Understand Because You Have To 11:03 What’s Giving You Anxiety Today? 16:53 Lola Blankets 19:07 Article 20:40 Amazon Prime 21:57 Evil Spirits On Zillow 26:18 Eating Crap Meals 29:45 Falling In The Wedges 33:40 No Influencers Allowed 39:50 Squarespace 41:10 Popchips 42:38 Skims 43:18 We Heart West Virginia 47:41 Busting Out The Tux 51:40 Obsession Debrief 57:01 There Are So Many Spider Mans 1:00:47 TW Brooke’s Lip 1:04:50 Embracing Connor’s Bald 1:10:34 Age Existential Crisis 1:13:13 See You In Bonus!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it, layer by layer. Until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Ally here with cash when you need it. You know, for the taxi that saved you. The guy who helped you move. Wait, are you supposed to tip at the car wash? Don't be in... Ally's 75,000 fee-free ATMs mean you always have cash when you need it. Ally Bank Member FDIC.

• 0:53Brooke Averick?

  I need to ask, like, I still...

• 0:57Brooke Averick?

  I can't face the fact that it's happening.

• 1:03Brooke Averick?

  Like, what, in the morning? You live in the morning? Okay, perfect.

• 1:31Brooke Averick?

  No.

• 1:32Connor Wood?

  How are ya?

• 1:33Brooke Averick?

  No. No. No. No. Why? Ew! Why? Why?

• 1:41Connor Wood?

  Be sweet. Be sweet?

• 1:44Brooke Averick?

  What's the reason?

• 1:48Brooke Averick?

  What's the reason?

• 1:49Connor Wood?

  What's the reason for anything?

• 1:50Brooke Averick?

  That's so damn true.

• 2:10Connor Wood?

  How are ya?

• 2:13Brooke Averick?

  Give a girl a frickin' minute.

• 2:15Connor Wood?

  Yeah, soak it in, baby.

• 2:16Brooke Averick?

  I've... Like, I've already been kind of like on the verge of tears all morning, and it's just like, "I love you to death, this isn't helping."

• 2:25Connor Wood?

  Oh... You'll get used to it, because you have to.

• 2:31Brooke Averick?

  Where did your hair, like, how?

• 2:33Connor Wood?

  Baby, I don't know.

• 2:34Brooke Averick?

  How?

• 2:34Connor Wood?

  I... I don't know.

• 2:36Brooke Averick?

  Where did your hair go?

• 2:37Connor Wood?

  Baby, I don't know!

• 2:41Connor Wood?

  Oh, hell no!

• 2:42Brooke Averick?

  When did you decide to do this?

• 2:44Connor Wood?

  Oh, Lord, I don't...

• 2:48Connor Wood?

  I wanted to try something new.

• 2:50Brooke Averick?

  It's... There's like an excess on your neck, on the back of your neck. It just looks like you have so much skin hanging off of your neck. I'm one to talk, I look like a monster because of my lip.

• 3:00Connor Wood?

  You can't even see your lip.

• 3:01Brooke Averick?

  Are you serious?

• 3:05Brooke Averick?

  I was gonna eat my chomp.

• 3:07Connor Wood?

  You can't eat your chomp because of my new look?

• 3:08Brooke Averick?

  Genuinely, that's correct.

• 3:16Connor Wood?

  Wow.

• 3:18Brooke Averick?

  You've always wanted to evolve, though.

• 3:20Connor Wood?

  I told you, I've been wanting to... This has been something that's been on my mind.

• 3:23Brooke Averick?

  Do you wanna cozy up into the covers and squirm around?

• 3:26Connor Wood?

  I wanna burrow into my silk sheets, yes, and... And kind of...

• 3:30Brooke Averick?

  Although, would...

• 3:32Connor Wood?

  World-build in there.

• 3:33Brooke Averick?

  I don't think you would feel the feeling of the silk on your scalp, because it's not your scalp.

• 3:39Connor Wood?

  I don't know, bro, I feel like I might...

• 3:42Connor Wood?

  I feel like I might really like it in there.

• 3:44Brooke Averick?

  It's almost like...

• 3:46Brooke Averick?

  Putting a feeling in my chest.

• 3:49Connor Wood?

  You don't think I look kind of good?

• 3:52Brooke Averick?

  I... Yeah.

• 3:56Connor Wood?

  Kind, like, sit with it?

• 3:58Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, let me sit with it, because I didn't really have a minute to sit with it.

• 4:02Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I know.

• 4:03Brooke Averick?

  You know, it kind of just, like, came out.

• 4:07Connor Wood?

  I just wanted to be your neighbor, today, you know? And that's like a blanket statement, "Your neighbor." I'm everybody's neighbor.

• 4:17Brooke Averick?

  I'm having a hard time, like, just easing into everything, and just adjusting.

• 4:23Connor Wood?

  This is, you know...

• 4:23Brooke Averick?

  Oh, wait, do you wanna tell the audio listeners what happened?

• 4:25Connor Wood?

  Oh, yeah, sure. I got a new look. If you're listening on audio, like, genuinely, I'm sorry.

• 4:29Brooke Averick?

  And I was gonna tell everyone to just do audio only today, because something happened to my lip and I looked...

• 4:34Connor Wood?

  Look, I don't think anyone's gonna be looking at your lip, baby. I'm sorry, I got a new look.

• 4:38Brooke Averick?

  That's, like, and thank you for that.

• 4:40Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I seriously was like, um... I was also saying this is disgusting. Shockingly disgusting. And then I sat with it, and I got the mustache, and I was like, oh, maybe... Maybe there is a world where this is doable for me down the road, if I have to.

• 4:57Brooke Averick?

  I don't know if there is.

• 4:58Connor Wood?

  All right, I'm bored, let's go to Turkey.

• 5:00Brooke Averick?

  I don't know if there is, but you... I just like, where did your hair, where hair go?

• 5:07Connor Wood?

  It's gone. I want you to get used to this, because this could happen.

• 5:11Brooke Averick?

  It couldn't.

• 5:12Connor Wood?

  It could.

• 5:12Brooke Averick?

  I don't, you wouldn't let it.

• 5:14Connor Wood?

  The medical advances have allowed us to avoid these sort of things, but like, I think that I would... I am one that would let it go, because I'm always trying to let people know that it's okay to just let it go, and you will look better in this way. You don't think...

• 5:27Brooke Averick?

  Well, I don't know, but also, there's two different kinds of bald men. There's what you are doing right now, where it's like this shiny, like, completely hairless, like, bald. And then there's kind of like a stubbly bald, and like...

• 5:42Connor Wood?

  That's a buzz.

• 5:43Brooke Averick?

  Not, no, no, no, not everyone can achieve what you have. Not all men can achieve this, like, shiny Q-ball head. You know?

• 5:52Connor Wood?

  Is it shiny to you? Do you wanna touch it?

• 5:55Brooke Averick?

  No, no, no, no, not at all. But...

• 5:58Connor Wood?

  You don't wanna touch it at all?

• 5:59Brooke Averick?

  Not at all.

• 5:59Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 6:01Brooke Averick?

  I don't have any desire. But not all men can do that.

• 6:04Connor Wood?

  This is what a penis looks like.

• 6:07Brooke Averick?

  I've, like, I've chills, yeah.

• 6:09Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 6:11Connor Wood?

  This is literally, this is like, when I, when I put this on today, I go, "This is... This is... This is the white, uncle-aged man at Jazz in the Park in your neighborhood." Ready?

• 6:25Brooke Averick?

  I've also just never considered your head, like, the shape of your head.

• 6:45Connor Wood?

  Oh!

• 6:47Connor Wood?

  You got new sprinklers! They look good.

• 6:57Connor Wood?

  You don't wanna dance with me?

• 6:59Brooke Averick?

  Not gonna dance with you today.

• 7:05Brooke Averick?

  All right.

• 7:10Brooke Averick?

  How do you feel?

• 7:12Connor Wood?

  I feel great, I've been here for a while.

• 7:14Brooke Averick?

  Can I ask how long this took?

• 7:15Connor Wood?

  This took two hours.

• 7:16Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 7:17Connor Wood?

  To achieve.

• 7:18Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Connor Wood?

  It's not easy, I have a, I have a full head.

• 7:20Brooke Averick?

  No, you have a full head.

• 7:21Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 7:22Brooke Averick?

  I just, I'm having trouble understanding where that went.

• 7:24Connor Wood?

  It's under.

• 7:25Brooke Averick?

  How?

• 7:26Connor Wood?

  It's my undercarriage. Shayna. Shayna does it all, I know.

• 7:31Brooke Averick?

  I, yeah.

• 7:32Connor Wood?

  I know.

• 7:34Brooke Averick?

  I don't know how to, like, have a normal episode.

• 7:37Connor Wood?

  You, I promise you, shit with it. Izzy ended up really coming around to my bald, bald head.

• 7:42Brooke Averick?

  Really?

• 7:42Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 04

  When he first put it on, it was really hard to look at him.

• 7:45Connor Wood?

  I said...

• 7:46Brooke Averick?

  I'm having like that reaction.

• 7:47Connor Wood?

  I said...

• 7:48Speaker 04

  It grows on you.

• 7:48Brooke Averick?

  And I'm burping a lot.

• 7:50Connor Wood?

  I said, "That is fucking disgusting."

• 7:52Brooke Averick?

  I'm burping a lot, yeah.

• 7:53Connor Wood?

  And I was like, "I'm sorry." But like, I just have not seen myself like that, but... We have to move on, because, you know...

• 8:00Brooke Averick?

  I'm just gonna start, I'm gonna look straight ahead for a little.

• 8:02Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 8:03Brooke Averick?

  And I hope that doesn't upset you.

• 8:04Connor Wood?

  You need to like... I need you to know that, like, when I was Voldemort, like, understandable, like, reaction there, but I think you might have, like,

• 8:16Connor Wood?

  adverse feelings towards bald people.

• 8:19Brooke Averick?

  Not, it's this kind of bald.

• 8:21Connor Wood?

  Shiny bald?

• 8:22Brooke Averick?

  Shiny bald, I've always... It's never been my preference. Like, Pop-Up is bald, but he has, like, you know, that, like, half a halo of, like,

• 8:33Brooke Averick?

  whatever's left, I guess.

• 8:34Connor Wood?

  What is that called? It's not half a halo, it's like a reverse...

• 8:39Connor Wood?

  It's like a...

• 8:39Brooke Averick?

  A reverse hairline?

• 8:40Connor Wood?

  It's like a reversed taper fade, it's like... You know what I mean? They have the hair on the side and on the top.

• 8:45Brooke Averick?

  Like, I don't know, I'm fine, I'm totally fine with that, but it's, Q-ball bald has always sat with me in a way that I'm uncomfortable with.

• 8:53Connor Wood?

  They should call...

• 8:54Brooke Averick?

  No, you got a mustache hair in your, in your throat?

• 8:57Connor Wood?

  A few. They should, uh, they should, I, they should call that hair type "The Arena." Because it does, or "The Colosseum."

• 9:04Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, it does, exactly. It's like that horseshoe shape.

• 9:08Connor Wood?

  It's round, where you could actually view a show there.

• 9:11Brooke Averick?

  Right.

• 9:11Connor Wood?

  If you wanted to see, like, some sort of amphitheater, the amphitheater.

• 9:14Brooke Averick?

  Maybe you could try that next time.

• 9:16Connor Wood?

  Maybe I will.

• 9:17Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 9:17Connor Wood?

  That would make you feel more comfortable if I had a little bit of hair on my sides?

• 9:21Brooke Averick?

  Just a little.

• 9:21Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 9:22Brooke Averick?

  I have sympathy pains in my throat.

• 9:24Connor Wood?

  Sympathy pains?

• 9:25Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 9:25Connor Wood?

  What is that?

• 9:26Brooke Averick?

  From you. Like, I feel like I have part of your mustache in my throat.

• 9:29Connor Wood?

  Okay, hold on, because

• 9:33Connor Wood?

  one, I need to pull up our notes, because I have so much from the past couple of weeks that we've been... We obviously had Lizzie on last week, so I, we couldn't throw her into the wringer with all this, this stuff.

• 9:43Brooke Averick?

  She's so amazing.

• 9:44Connor Wood?

  She was so amazing. It's gonna be hard to, like, move on past that.

• 9:47Brooke Averick?

  I really like that girl.

• 9:47Connor Wood?

  But, um...

• 9:49Brooke Averick?

  Pretty great girl.

• 9:49Connor Wood?

  Oh, what I was just saying? I was like, "You'll, you'll, you'll, you'll have to move on, because you have to."

• 9:54Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. I, like Voldemort, like, I'm like, "Oh, that's like, you're in a costume," you know?

• 10:00Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 10:00Brooke Averick?

  This is like, there's a real, there's a realism here.

• 10:04Connor Wood?

  I can't stop waving like this.

• 10:09Connor Wood?

  I get it.

• 10:10Brooke Averick?

  Do you feel yourself embodying the character?

• 10:12Connor Wood?

  I'm becoming another person.

• 10:17Brooke Averick?

  Ugh!

• 10:18Connor Wood?

  Stop!

• 10:20Brooke Averick?

  I just know, like, that's exactly how you would act.

• 10:23Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I know. I like it.

• 10:24Brooke Averick?

  You're doing too well.

• 10:25Connor Wood?

  I...

• 10:26Brooke Averick?

  You're doing too well. You should be flattered that I'm having this type of reaction because you're nailing the part.

• 10:33Connor Wood?

  Thanks. Yeah. Well, I was saying, the... Why did we start saying they'll understand because they have to? This is about others.

• 10:40Brooke Averick?

  It's something he... I think... You said it in bonus. Were you missing a week or something?

• 10:48Connor Wood?

  Maybe.

• 10:48Brooke Averick?

  Or the podcast, or like, our behavior was poor, or something?

• 10:51Connor Wood?

  That's what it was. It was, we were acting, we were misbehaving.

• 10:54Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 10:55Connor Wood?

  And it was reflecting poorly on our character, our work.

• 10:58Brooke Averick?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 10:58Connor Wood?

  And we said, you know what, this is just kind of like a write-off, and they'll understand because they have to, and that was... I've been applying "they'll understand because they have to" in my life, so much so that I've reverse engineered it, and I've gotten all the way to "I'll understand because I have to." I've been letting go of it.

• 11:15Brooke Averick?

  I love that.

• 11:16Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 11:16Brooke Averick?

  I would love to understand because I have to. That's like, you know what it's similar to is, um, you don't have to do it with a smile. Do it with a frown, but you just have to do it.

• 11:30Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Brooke Averick?

  It's like, you, sometimes some things, you just have to.

• 11:35Connor Wood?

  That can live in the same box as "I'll understand because I have to."

• 11:38Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Connor Wood?

  Because it's just like out of my control and it's gonna happen whether I like it or not, and then that goes all the way back to like, 99% of the things you worry about don't even happen. Huh?

• 11:48Brooke Averick?

  What are you having anxiety about today?

• 11:51Connor Wood?

  Anxiety about today?

• 11:52Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 11:53Connor Wood?

  Well, um, a number of things.

• 11:59Brooke Averick?

  You have a different kind of hair stuck in your mustache.

• 12:01Connor Wood?

  There's been several. The one I pulled out of my mouth was not from my mustache.

• 12:03Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, there's a different kind of hair poking out.

• 12:05Connor Wood?

  But I don't have a cat.

• 12:07Brooke Averick?

  It's like a cat hair.

• 12:08Connor Wood?

  I know. It tastes like a cat hair. It tasted like cat hair.

• 12:13Brooke Averick?

  Come here.

• 12:18Connor Wood?

  Oh, yeah. You didn't get it. Oh, that's in my notes.

• 12:22Brooke Averick?

  It's from your mustache. It's just coming off a little.

• 12:24Connor Wood?

  Did you get it?

• 12:24Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:27Brooke Averick?

  It's more coarse than I had anticipated.

• 12:30Connor Wood?

  Did I tell you last week after you said that you had gray hairs, I was in my hotel, and I...

• 12:38Connor Wood?

  Someone came across my desk?

• 12:39Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. I'm sorry about that.

• 12:41Connor Wood?

  It's just like, you did that.

• 12:43Brooke Averick?

  I know. You texted me and said, "I hate you."

• 12:45Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 12:45Brooke Averick?

  And I, literally, my stomach dropped.

• 12:47Connor Wood?

  And look at me now. Look what I had to do.

• 12:49Brooke Averick?

  My stomach dropped, and I was like, "What could I have done?" And then I gave you gray hair. Did that inspire this?

• 12:54Connor Wood?

  Completely unrelated, if you can imagine. I'm sure it was subconscious.

• 12:58Brooke Averick?

  Right.

• 12:58Connor Wood?

  Subconscious.

• 13:00Brooke Averick?

  Subconscious. What is that from subconscious?

• 13:02Connor Wood?

  That was from that accent that you hate when I do the Larry David accent.

• 13:05Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, but why is it, why is the word subconscious?

• 13:07Connor Wood?

  I don't know, because we used to do accents a lot when we all lived together, because we... We thought we were on the precipice of something.

• 13:13Brooke Averick?

  Precipice?

• 13:15Connor Wood?

  Press that post.

• 13:16Brooke Averick?

  What's making you anxious?

• 13:17Connor Wood?

  I don't have anything really that's making me anxious that I can speak into the camera.

• 13:21Brooke Averick?

  Oh, but you have stuff that is unspoken?

• 13:23Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 13:25Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 13:27Connor Wood?

  Really incredible stuff. What are you?

• 13:29Brooke Averick?

  I'm like...

• 13:30Connor Wood?

  I know it's on your mind, too.

• 13:31Brooke Averick?

  I can talk about it because, no, it's not that. But I can talk about this because it will be done by the time this episode comes out. But I have to go on live TV.

• 13:40Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Brooke Averick?

  On Wednesday. It's Monday right now in New York. I haven't slept in a month.

• 13:47Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 13:48Brooke Averick?

  Have you ever seen that video of the guy, going on the Today Show? Have you ever seen the video of the guy, the newscaster, having a panic attack on camera?

• 13:56Connor Wood?

  No.

• 13:57Brooke Averick?

  It's not pretty. And I remember I saw it years ago, because it obviously went viral, of course. And I remember thinking like, "Thank God, I will never have to go on live TV." Thank God. And now here we are.

• 14:10Connor Wood?

  You make a plan and God laughs.

• 14:12Brooke Averick?

  God is cracking up.

• 14:13Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 14:14Brooke Averick?

  I don't know what I'm gonna do.

• 14:16Connor Wood?

  It'll, it's like gonna be one full minute of your time, and then that's gonna be it, and you'll probably only talk one...

• 14:20Brooke Averick?

  Five full minutes.

• 14:22Connor Wood?

  It's gonna feel like one. It's gonna be over in two seconds. You're gonna be like, "I wish I had 15."

• 14:27Brooke Averick?

  I promise you that won't be my line of thinking.

• 14:29Connor Wood?

  Oh, I promise you it will. You're gonna love it. You're gonna eat it up. Jesus.

• 14:33Brooke Averick?

  I'm just like, I don't, I'm like, I've never been this nervous for anything in my entire life.

• 14:38Connor Wood?

  It's a layup.

• 14:40Brooke Averick?

  No.

• 14:41Connor Wood?

  Yes.

• 14:43Brooke Averick?

  I don't know what to do.

• 14:45Connor Wood?

  Beta blocker.

• 14:46Brooke Averick?

  That's true. I've been training myself with my betas.

• 14:48Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 14:49Brooke Averick?

  They're so expired, though.

• 14:51Connor Wood?

  Ooh. That would actually...

• 14:53Brooke Averick?

  Google says it's fine because the shelf life is, of them, is really good, or... I don't know if that's the way to, like, the right way to talk about shelf life. It just has a high shelf life?

• 15:05Connor Wood?

  If it has a...

• 15:06Brooke Averick?

  A long, long, long, long shelf life.

• 15:10Connor Wood?

  It's a width more so than a height.

• 15:11Brooke Averick?

  It's like airbase times height, shelf life vibes.

• 15:14Connor Wood?

  Yeah, a mass.

• 15:14Brooke Averick?

  So... Maintains up to 90% efficiency after five years past expiration date, is what Google said.

• 15:21Connor Wood?

  How many years has it been?

• 15:22Brooke Averick?

  Two.

• 15:23Connor Wood?

  You're fine. And it's not like you're gonna get like a really potent beta blocker that's a Quaalude, like, it's not gonna like...

• 15:31Brooke Averick?

  I wanna, like, I need something stronger.

• 15:35Connor Wood?

  I don't think so.

• 15:36Brooke Averick?

  I do.

• 15:37Connor Wood?

  I don't think so.

• 15:38Brooke Averick?

  I think I'm gonna get really drunk at 9:00 AM before the Today Show.

• 15:42Connor Wood?

  That'll reflect really well on your line of work.

• 15:45Brooke Averick?

  It really would. Okay, that's what's making me anxious.

• 15:49Connor Wood?

  You can say Today Show, yeah, I guess this comes out after.

• 15:51Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I mean, I probably could have said it before, too, but I didn't want to talk about it before.

• 15:55Connor Wood?

  Are you gonna be on the Today Show part where I can be behind there with a window that say like...

• 15:58Brooke Averick?

  I don't know.

• 15:59Connor Wood?

  She killed my dog or something?

• 16:01Brooke Averick?

  I don't know where I will be sitting. I don't know anything.

• 16:04Connor Wood?

  I'm gonna wear this and just be right behind you like this.

• 16:08Brooke Averick?

  I'm hoping that what happens is that I'm in a room where it's like, really not a lot of people, and my brain is not able to connect the dots, like...

• 16:16Connor Wood?

  It's gonna be this.

• 16:17Brooke Averick?

  It's live television. I'm hoping that it's just like this, and like, I'm not, my body doesn't process the fact that I'm being, that I'm live.

• 16:24Connor Wood?

  You're gonna be completely kosher. Honest.

• 16:27Brooke Averick?

  You know, that, as soon as I finish the Today Show, we record an episode of this podcast.

• 16:32Connor Wood?

  I didn't know that.

• 16:33Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. So, that should be fun.

• 16:35Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 16:36Brooke Averick?

  And you know what I've been telling myself? That the only thing that helps? It will be over.

• 16:44Brooke Averick?

  No matter what happens.

• 16:47Brooke Averick?

  Like, it will be done. Even if I die on live television, those five minutes will end, whether I'm here or not, and life will go on.

• 16:59Connor Wood?

  Ooh, I don't like that. I don't like how you, I don't like how you went there.

• 17:02Brooke Averick?

  That's not helping you?

• 17:03Connor Wood?

  No, that made me, because it is crazy that like, if you were to die...

• 17:07Brooke Averick?

  It's legitimately helping me to think if I drop dead on the Today Show, life will still go on. They will haul my body off.

• 17:15Connor Wood?

  And then they'd have to do the next segment.

• 17:17Brooke Averick?

  And they will go on. Tons of shit goes down at the Today Show, and they move on.

• 17:22Connor Wood?

  Oh my God, some bitch is gonna bring out some pans and be like, "This is, you need these for the summer." And your body's gonna be just like, bagged up to go. Doggy bag.

• 17:32Brooke Averick?

  Okay, this is helpful.

• 17:33Connor Wood?

  Good.

• 17:33Brooke Averick?

  Oh, this is helpful.

• 17:35Connor Wood?

  Good.

• 17:35Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 17:36Connor Wood?

  Good. Well, I'll be back in New York.

• 17:37Brooke Averick?

  When do you leave?

• 17:39Connor Wood?

  I'm gonna go on your flight tomorrow. Surprise!

• 17:41Brooke Averick?

  Are you actually?

• 17:41Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I just moved it. I'm gonna keep this on for...

• 17:44Brooke Averick?

  You don't know what flight I'm on.

• 17:45Connor Wood?

  I have, I found out. There's only a couple flights.

• 17:48Brooke Averick?

  No, you didn't.

• 17:49Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I did.

• 17:50Brooke Averick?

  What flight are you on?

• 17:51Connor Wood?

  You're on the 11:00 AM to JFK.

• 17:53Brooke Averick?

  No, I'm not.

• 17:54Connor Wood?

  Well, I am now, so...

• 17:57Brooke Averick?

  I'm on the 10:00 AM.

• 18:00Connor Wood?

  Itchy. I have a dry scalp today, which is a bad day to put on the, put on the look. But yeah, I'm going back, and then... My timing kind of opened up until I go see my grandma at the end of the month in Michigan, but I am just in New York till I move into my apartment.

• 18:18Brooke Averick?

  That's such a good feeling.

• 18:20Connor Wood?

  The feeling of being able to delete StreetEasy and Zillow from my phone seriously, seriously feels like...

• 18:28Brooke Averick?

  Wait, you didn't tell everyone you got a new apartment?

• 18:30Connor Wood?

  Oh, on the bonus, I did. I got the apartment. I got the apartment, and deleting Zillow and StreetEasy from my phone feels like I'm leaving like, an abusive relationship, like...

• 18:38Brooke Averick?

  That's awesome.

• 18:39Connor Wood?

  These things have been playing in my face. These photos I've seen, I'm like, "Is this a real photo?" Like, it genuinely feels like deleting dating apps, being like, "I found the one," you know? And something I found that was like pretty cathartic after I've deleted these things, was like, finding out that like, as much as I hate landlords, just because of my experience with landlords, I think someone else that's equally up in the ranks in terms of evil spirits, and like, genuinely sadistic individuals, sellouts?

• 19:14Brooke Averick?

  Can I guess?

• 19:15Connor Wood?

  Yep.

• 19:16Brooke Averick?

  Sellouts. Evil sadistic sellouts.

• 19:23Brooke Averick?

  Is it like something similar to landlords?

• 19:25Connor Wood?

  Yeah, kind of. It's in the process.

• 19:27Brooke Averick?

  Oh, is it the broker?

• 19:28Connor Wood?

  Nope.

• 19:29Brooke Averick?

  Is it...

• 19:30Connor Wood?

  Sometimes, but not always.

• 19:33Brooke Averick?

  Is it a realtor?

• 19:34Connor Wood?

  Nope.

• 19:36Brooke Averick?

  Is it, it does have to do with housing?

• 19:39Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 19:41Brooke Averick?

  Is it the mold inspector?

• 19:44Connor Wood?

  No!

• 19:44Brooke Averick?

  No, you wouldn't say a bad word about the mold inspector. Tell me.

• 19:48Connor Wood?

  The photographers?

• 19:52Connor Wood?

  You are just, if not more, because you're selling out deceitful as those you work for.

• 20:00Brooke Averick?

  It's like a dating app, like, who does it help that the pictures don't reflect what's actually there? Some, we're gonna find out.

• 20:07Connor Wood?

  We're gonna find out, and I'm holding you, we need to start holding these Zillow photographers accountable for what they're doing.

• 20:13Brooke Averick?

  Who are they? Is it, are they, I think a lot of times it's the people who just own the house uploading photos, right?

• 20:19Connor Wood?

  There are some photographers, and I've gone to places and I've toured places, and then they, they get posted on Instagram, and it's like these amazing Architectural Digest-style photos of this like, large space, and I'm like, "No, no, no, no." I'm commenting on them. I'm leaving comments. I'm saying, "Do not fall for this." Please. You...

• 20:45Connor Wood?

  Use your eyes.

• 20:46Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 20:47Connor Wood?

  Look and see and hear heed my warning. Do not even go tour this place. Cause it's gonna suck you in there.

• 20:53Brooke Averick?

  Sometimes it's the complete opposite, though. And they post kind of like bad pictures and it's an amazing place.

• 20:58Connor Wood?

  I have not had that experience ever in my life. You've you're very lucky. You're a lucky girl.

• 21:02Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I haven't had it, but both Kat and Tristan's places.

• 21:05Connor Wood?

  They were like crappy photos?

• 21:06Brooke Averick?

  They were just whatever. And their houses are gorgeous.

• 21:10Connor Wood?

  No, these people like they're genuinely getting like Getty photographers from the red carpet to take photos of this like 14 square foot apartment. And I'm like, oh, my God, I could get a ping pong table. And I get there and I'm like, how do I get in through the door? Cause the door touches the other wall. It's super crazy.

• 21:28Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. It's not helping anyone.

• 21:30Connor Wood?

  No, and this is the this experience with the apartment that I was that I have signed the lease on now. It was honest and it was truthful and it was real.

• 21:39Brooke Averick?

  Good. That must feel so amazing.

• 21:42Connor Wood?

  I'm looking, I'm very much looking forward to it.

• 21:43Brooke Averick?

  I'm looking forward to it. When do you move in?

• 21:46Connor Wood?

  The 15th. Two weeks.

• 21:49Brooke Averick?

  So exciting.

• 21:50Connor Wood?

  It's gonna be really great. It's a shame that you won't be there while I move in. And you I'm not I'm vending you over to see my current home.

• 21:57Brooke Averick?

  But you know, we're gonna go out to a celebratory dinner.

• 22:00Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 22:01Brooke Averick?

  When I'm there, because I will have completed the Today Show, unless I don't make it. We're gonna go to a celebratory dinner. No matter what happens. We're gonna celebrate.

• 22:11Connor Wood?

  Can we do like 7:30?

• 22:13Brooke Averick?

  I would love to do something later.

• 22:16Connor Wood?

  Huh?

• 22:16Brooke Averick?

  No, like, that's perfect, 7:30.

• 22:20Brooke Averick?

  Why? Wait, what?

• 22:21Connor Wood?

  I would love to do something later?

• 22:22Brooke Averick?

  No, like, I was saying, like, in my mind, 7:30 is later. So that was me agreeing with 7:30.

• 22:29Connor Wood?

  For a dinner?

• 22:30Brooke Averick?

  Wait, what? Why are you confused?

• 22:33Connor Wood?

  Because

• 22:33Brooke Averick?

  Does that feel early to you?

• 22:35Connor Wood?

  That's like an early dinner.

• 22:35Brooke Averick?

  Oh, so to me, that's like the latest I would ever go.

• 22:40Connor Wood?

  What time do you eat dinner?

• 22:42Brooke Averick?

  Five?

• 22:44Connor Wood?

  And you don't eat a second dinner?

• 22:48Brooke Averick?

  I usually have a pretty substantial dessert.

• 22:53Brooke Averick?

  I get Pinkberry most nights.

• 22:55Connor Wood?

  What?

• 22:56Brooke Averick?

  I'm bad. I'm a bad girl.

• 23:00Connor Wood?

  You're crazy.

• 23:01Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Or I like pig out. Yeah. I my my eating schedule is weird because I don't eat I can't do breakfast. I'm really nauseous for the first four hours of the day. So I do lunch. And then an early dinner and then crap. My crap meal.

• 23:20Connor Wood?

  So from like four to 10, you're crap, you're crapping out?

• 23:23Brooke Averick?

  No, from like Wait, what?

• 23:27Connor Wood?

  You're telling me I'm just kind of repeating what you're saying?

• 23:29Brooke Averick?

  Lunch?

• 23:30Connor Wood?

  Yeah, no, I got

• 23:30Brooke Averick?

  At like noon.

• 23:31Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 23:32Brooke Averick?

  Early dinner.

• 23:33Connor Wood?

  And at five.

• 23:33Brooke Averick?

  At like five and then maybe like eight, I'm doing crap.

• 23:38Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 23:39Brooke Averick?

  So I guess that could maybe 12, you could think about it as the 12 o'clock is my breakfast. The 5 o'clock is my late lunch.

• 23:45Connor Wood?

  You're like intermittent fasting.

• 23:46Brooke Averick?

  And then I just do crap for dinner.

• 23:47Connor Wood?

  And then you're crapping out towards the end. Oh, I kind of like finishing with crap.

• 23:51Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I'm always topping with crap.

• 23:53Connor Wood?

  What crap did you top with last night?

• 23:55Brooke Averick?

  Um, a chicken finger. Leftover cold chicken finger.

• 23:59Connor Wood?

  Oh, like when you set up the word crap, like I was expecting some bullshit. That's not bullshit at all. One chicken finger?

• 24:04Brooke Averick?

  Well, I wasn't very hungry. I haven't been eating just due to extreme, extreme anxiety.

• 24:09Connor Wood?

  You know, what here's, let me tell you me. I'll I'll be home. If I if I start, if you put, if you say crap to me, I want you to know the other day I put in a turkey sausage and just raw into the air fryer and then I just put cheese over top of it and then I cooked it for 10 minutes.

• 24:26Brooke Averick?

  That sounds good.

• 24:27Connor Wood?

  Yeah, that's my, that's my crap.

• 24:29Brooke Averick?

  And I also will usually do fruity pebbles.

• 24:32Connor Wood?

  I'll do, I'll do 10 frozen meatballs and some strawberries.

• 24:36Brooke Averick?

  You, you eat so well.

• 24:37Connor Wood?

  No, I eat like I'm living in Ikea.

• 24:39Brooke Averick?

  That's perfect.

• 24:41Connor Wood?

  I do like it.

• 24:42Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 24:42Connor Wood?

  I'm not complaining at all, but crap to me would be like this bowl of shit.

• 24:47Brooke Averick?

  And sometimes I'll just do olives, like a jar of olives.

• 24:50Connor Wood?

  That's disgusting to me.

• 24:51Brooke Averick?

  I like olives.

• 24:52Connor Wood?

  But 7:30 to me, to most people, I think now is like an, is like an early dinner. 7:30 to me is the perfect time to eat supper.

• 25:00Brooke Averick?

  Moral of the story, 7:30 is fucking fabulous for dinner.

• 25:04Connor Wood?

  It's pretty perfect.

• 25:05Brooke Averick?

  I will see you at 7:30.

• 25:06Connor Wood?

  I'm looking forward to

• 25:07Brooke Averick?

  You know why I want to do 7:30?

• 25:08Connor Wood?

  Cause you're done by nine?

• 25:10Brooke Averick?

  No, because I want to take a pretty significant nap. Before that.

• 25:14Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 25:16Brooke Averick?

  Cause I always deserve it. Did you hear my stomach just now? Cause I didn't get a chance to eat my chomp.

• 25:21Connor Wood?

  No, why do you sound like Olivia Dino? Did you hear my stomach?

• 25:23Brooke Averick?

  Just now. Um, I have to tell you something.

• 25:26Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Brooke Averick?

  I got these new flip flops.

• 25:28Connor Wood?

  Oh, I saw them.

• 25:29Brooke Averick?

  They're like wedge wedge flip flops.

• 25:31Connor Wood?

  Those are what my mom used to wear because she has plantar fasciitis.

• 25:33Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, they're kind of, oh, you think these look like plantar fasciitis?

• 25:37Connor Wood?

  It helps with your arch, yeah.

• 25:38Brooke Averick?

  Okay, so I fell pretty bad. Getting out of an Uber.

• 25:45Connor Wood?

  When?

• 25:46Brooke Averick?

  Yesterday.

• 25:47Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 25:48Brooke Averick?

  Just alone.

• 25:52Brooke Averick?

  Like hard onto the, thank God it was grass, but like I fell. And I've been thinking about it ever since.

• 25:59Connor Wood?

  So how's that? How'd you end up with the the platform flop?

• 26:04Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I was wearing them and I'd fallen because they're a different sort of shape.

• 26:09Connor Wood?

  They're huge.

• 26:10Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, they're, they don't go well with my ankles, so I'd fallen like pretty hard. And it was pretty embarrassing and everyone was like, are you okay?

• 26:18Connor Wood?

  Where did you, did people see?

• 26:19Brooke Averick?

  Yes.

• 26:20Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 26:21Brooke Averick?

  Yes. Yes, it's like to fall. It's just hard.

• 26:27Connor Wood?

  Brooke, I tell you all the time, when I fall when I'm by myself, it's seriously like if a tree falls in the forest, doesn't make a sound like if you fall when you're alone, you genuinely don't make a sound because it's like, who, who am I doing this for?

• 26:37Brooke Averick?

  A lot of people saw.

• 26:39Connor Wood?

  Yeah, did you make a sound or did you get up and?

• 26:40Brooke Averick?

  No, it was so soft because it was on the grass, but it was full body like it was like, it wasn't even like I protected myself with my hands when I fell down. I just gave up like

• 26:50Connor Wood?

  Did your chest hit the ground?

• 26:51Brooke Averick?

  Body like, like body slamming.

• 26:53Connor Wood?

  That's my favorite way for people to fall.

• 26:55Brooke Averick?

  It was almost like a stop, drop and roll.

• 26:57Connor Wood?

  Like you hit horizontal?

• 26:59Brooke Averick?

  I don't even know. I just remember being split. I was splayed out. It's almost like I was dive, like did a dive. Like a belly flop jump because I was just like, I don't care. I don't care. About anything.

• 27:12Connor Wood?

  Did you bounce?

• 27:13Brooke Averick?

  I think on my way down, I was actively like, I don't care about everything. It's all over anyway, like

• 27:20Brooke Averick?

  I just hate this. And so I just like completely had given up halfway through.

• 27:27Connor Wood?

  That's so funny. Oh my gosh, that was like when I got hit by that car.

• 27:30Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 27:32Connor Wood?

  In the scooter, I was in the air for so long that I was like, am I still in the air?

• 27:35Brooke Averick?

  How embarrassing.

• 27:36Connor Wood?

  Yeah, it was horrible. And then I I hit the ground. I was embarrassed too. And the car yelled at me and I was like, sorry.

• 27:42Brooke Averick?

  But that's like, I like getting hit by a car is less embarrassing than falling for sure.

• 27:51Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 27:53Brooke Averick?

  Don't you think?

• 27:54Connor Wood?

  Yeah, did you bounce?

• 27:55Brooke Averick?

  Hard hit.

• 27:56Connor Wood?

  Like hit and just stuck the landing?

• 27:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 27:59Connor Wood?

  Wow.

• 28:02Brooke Averick?

  So that is that. Wanted to tell someone.

• 28:07Connor Wood?

  Well, you and you, you know what? You got back on your horse, those platform things.

• 28:13Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, no, I'm back in them. I think they're cute.

• 28:15Connor Wood?

  Yeah, they're uh, kind of like early 2000s.

• 28:18Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, they are. So ew, my shorts have been ridden up this whole time.

• 28:25Connor Wood?

  Are they in you?

• 28:26Brooke Averick?

  No, they're just like, I just don't like the way that my body looks. Can we cut the episodes? It was just my face. I don't want my face in it either. Can we cut me out of this episode?

• 28:37Connor Wood?

  Larry Brooks.

• 28:37Brooke Averick?

  Can you blur my whole body? Just do like one blur. Actually, remember that episode of Fairly Odd Parents where everyone's just a gray blob?

• 28:47Brooke Averick?

  Just

• 28:47Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 28:47Brooke Averick?

  I just want to be like

• 28:50Brooke Averick?

  I just want to

• 28:50Connor Wood?

  That one scared me really bad.

• 28:52Brooke Averick?

  That was actually an amazing learning lesson. That episode. No. Not today.

• 28:59Connor Wood?

  What does it look like?

• 28:59Brooke Averick?

  Your toupee on.

• 29:02Connor Wood?

  It looks ew?

• 29:04Connor Wood?

  Why? I don't think it could ever look ew.

• 29:10Brooke Averick?

  It looks ew.

• 29:12Connor Wood?

  I like it.

• 29:13Brooke Averick?

  Okay. But you will spend so much time getting bald. I don't think you should.

• 29:16Connor Wood?

  You don't need to like, yeah, go backwards.

• 29:18Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 29:18Connor Wood?

  Um, you want to hear something that happened to me last week?

• 29:21Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 29:22Connor Wood?

  It was horrible.

• 29:23Brooke Averick?

  Tell me.

• 29:24Connor Wood?

  So I was auditioning for something.

• 29:26Brooke Averick?

  What was it? What was it?

• 29:28Connor Wood?

  Just something I'll never get like usual. And

• 29:32Brooke Averick?

  How often do you audition for stuff?

• 29:34Connor Wood?

  Every now and then, every, every, long enough where a new batch of people has started working at the company that's sending me audition where no, they haven't seen my old auditions.

• 29:43Brooke Averick?

  Got it.

• 29:46Connor Wood?

  And I had, I had to DoorDash a ring light. Cause I don't know what happened to my ring light in my move. And so and I'm like an adult. And I got walked up and someone was I saw that it was delivered. Someone was taking my baggage. And I had to go stop a thief from taking my ring light. I was like, oop, that's mine. For my ring light.

• 30:09Brooke Averick?

  You had to stop the thief.

• 30:09Connor Wood?

  I had to stop.

• 30:10Brooke Averick?

  Pause, pause, pause for me.

• 30:12Connor Wood?

  Whose ring light is that?

• 30:13Brooke Averick?

  Pause.

• 30:13Connor Wood?

  That's my ring light. Pause off my ring light. Adult man with a ring light.

• 30:18Brooke Averick?

  Was it like one of those packages where it like has the ring light like?

• 30:21Connor Wood?

  It's on displayed on the package.

• 30:23Brooke Averick?

  Okay, cool.

• 30:23Connor Wood?

  And what's suck?

• 30:24Brooke Averick?

  Hi, that's my ring light.

• 30:25Connor Wood?

  Hi, that's my ring light. Pause off, please. Get your own. It was like a

• 30:30Brooke Averick?

  You can have it when I'm done.

• 30:32Connor Wood?

  You can't because what if I get another audition?

• 30:33Brooke Averick?

  Right.

• 30:34Connor Wood?

  What if I get a what if I get a call back?

• 30:36Brooke Averick?

  If you got your big break.

• 30:37Connor Wood?

  It could be my big break.

• 30:38Brooke Averick?

  You'll need your ring light.

• 30:39Connor Wood?

  With with my ring light that was a 12 inch ring light that barely sits on a desk. I don't know who, who this is for. It was from the children's section of CBS that CBS now has a section of CBS that's the content creation section next to like hairbrushes and stuff.

• 30:56Brooke Averick?

  I love CBS.

• 30:58Connor Wood?

  Yeah, CBS is great, but don't you think it's crazy that?

• 31:01Brooke Averick?

  The content creation section?

• 31:02Connor Wood?

  That piece of it all.

• 31:03Brooke Averick?

  I didn't know there was a content creation section.

• 31:05Connor Wood?

  And it's, it's like positioned towards kids. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

• 31:11Brooke Averick?

  Did you hear there's a major at some school that's content creation?

• 31:14Connor Wood?

  That's what I was gonna

• 31:15Brooke Averick?

  Influencer or something?

• 31:15Connor Wood?

  That's what I was gonna say next, next.

• 31:16Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 31:17Connor Wood?

  Shit, it's a job.

• 31:18Brooke Averick?

  Oh, totally.

• 31:19Connor Wood?

  It's a job. Did you see that? No influencers allowed sign at that place?

• 31:22Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 31:22Connor Wood?

  Do you have anything to say?

• 31:26Brooke Averick?

  Like

• 31:28Brooke Averick?

  I was kind, well, do you think?

• 31:30Connor Wood?

  I know what you're gonna say.

• 31:31Brooke Averick?

  What?

• 31:32Connor Wood?

  No, I'm not gonna say it because I don't want to be wrong.

• 31:34Brooke Averick?

  I

• 31:38Brooke Averick?

  It's obviously like you can come in if you're an influencer, you just can't be influencing, right? Also, where was it?

• 31:44Connor Wood?

  Nantucket?

• 31:45Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Like, you can go, like Alex Earl could go, she just couldn't be in active influence. She can't be under the influence.

• 31:55Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 31:57Brooke Averick?

  I think that's totally fine, like.

• 31:59Connor Wood?

  It was just like, it was just like weird to do, I guess.

• 32:01Brooke Averick?

  See, where was the sign, just like for all of Nantucket?

• 32:04Speaker 04

  No, it was at this one store.

• 32:06Connor Wood?

  It was in a basket store for ba- they sell baskets.

• 32:11Connor Wood?

  Which like, the no influencer sign?

• 32:13Brooke Averick?

  Then just do like, no filming.

• 32:15Connor Wood?

  Well, I think that they don't want the group of, I don't really know.

• 32:19Brooke Averick?

  I'm confused by their intention.

• 32:20Connor Wood?

  But it works, because like now I know about this basket store in Nantucket. You know?

• 32:24Brooke Averick?

  That was their plan all along.

• 32:25Connor Wood?

  I don't think it was, because they doubled down.

• 32:26Brooke Averick?

  No influencers, no influencers.

• 32:29Connor Wood?

  No influencers sign.

• 32:31Brooke Averick?

  So.

• 32:32Connor Wood?

  Oh my gosh, I know her, she's from Houston.

• 32:38Brooke Averick?

  Sparks debate. I like, I'm totally for it if it's like, no filming, but then just say no filming. So that's, I think, where the confusion is for me.

• 32:47Connor Wood?

  Slow news day in Nantucket, I guess.

• 32:50Brooke Averick?

  Was meant to be tongue in cheek.

• 32:52Connor Wood?

  Oh, was it?

• 32:53Brooke Averick?

  Oh, it was meant to be tongue in cheek. That's weird.

• 32:57Connor Wood?

  Well, no, I think that, like, no influencers.

• 33:00Brooke Averick?

  You know what would be really funny?

• 33:03Brooke Averick?

  A no influencers sign.

• 33:05Connor Wood?

  I mean, they, I don't, okay, I will say this, like, I don't think it was tongue in cheek in the way of like, this will drive business, because if you own, if you own a basket store in Nantucket, like, I really think that that might be just like a passive fun hobby that you do, because I don't think that like, I don't know anything about this store, I'm just guessing, but you're probably not driving like, I own a storefront in Nantucket, money from a basket shop. Is it a basket shop? Antique store, basket shop, yeah. So, I think that they probably like, don't need the marketing. So I think the no influencers thing is probably like, an inside joke.

• 33:41Brooke Averick?

  Do you think they were going for like, one of those like, home goods type of signs, like?

• 33:46Connor Wood?

  No, it's not for.

• 33:46Brooke Averick?

  Our hearts are happy now that we're together type of vibe?

• 33:50Connor Wood?

  My cup is overflowing, my cup is overflowing because it's Sunday and I have coffee.

• 33:53Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, something like that.

• 33:55Connor Wood?

  No, I think that, I think that it was probably like a, they probably talk crap about like influencers all the time, and they're like, wait, we should put a sign up, that would be.

• 34:03Brooke Averick?

  Or it's like, it reminds me of like,

• 34:07Brooke Averick?

  Hmm, reminds me of something.

• 34:10Brooke Averick?

  Like, no, I don't know.

• 34:14Connor Wood?

  What?

• 34:15Brooke Averick?

  I don't know.

• 34:16Connor Wood?

  What does it remind you of?

• 34:18Brooke Averick?

  Like, it kind of reminds me of my beware of the cat doormat. But I don't know how to make the connection.

• 34:26Connor Wood?

  Tongue in cheek.

• 34:27Brooke Averick?

  Tongue in, I think that's the connection.

• 34:29Connor Wood?

  I don't know what tongue in cheek means, by the way.

• 34:31Brooke Averick?

  Glib.

• 34:32Connor Wood?

  What the hell? Where, what is that from?

• 34:34Brooke Averick?

  Like, tongue in cheek.

• 34:36Connor Wood?

  No, don't go back, like, if, I hope Tim Dillon doesn't get a hold of that last like, 30 seconds of the podcast, because that's gonna, tongue in cheek means joke, irony, or funnier, market, describes a statement that is, I know that, I know this, but where did tongue in cheek come from? Like this?

• 34:51Brooke Averick?

  Because you're like,

• 34:52Connor Wood?

  Oh, I'm bad.

• 34:53Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, like, I've been a bad girl.

• 34:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, 18th century facial gesture where people push their tongue into their cheek to signal contempt, hidden mockery, or suppressed amusement. We should start doing that across the room at parties, like when we.

• 35:07Connor Wood?

  No, anytime we do a joke on this podcast, we shouldn't laugh anymore, we should go,

• 35:12Connor Wood?

  no influencers.

• 35:15Brooke Averick?

  No influencers.

• 35:16Connor Wood?

  I hope they don't buy all of our baskets.

• 35:19Connor Wood?

  Stay out of my antique store.

• 35:22Brooke Averick?

  Exactly.

• 35:22Connor Wood?

  We're joking.

• 35:25Brooke Averick?

  It's so, it looks really good when you're bald, to do that.

• 35:29Connor Wood?

  Stay out.

• 35:30Brooke Averick?

  Follows.

• 35:32Connor Wood?

  Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

• 35:33Brooke Averick?

  Okay, so, overall, my take on that is,

• 35:38Brooke Averick?

  I guess I don't really care, how about you?

• 35:40Connor Wood?

  Oh, I couldn't get less of it.

• 35:41Brooke Averick?

  Okay, cool. Sounds good?

• 35:44Connor Wood?

  I was never gonna go.

• 35:45Brooke Averick?

  Sounds, sounds good to me.

• 35:48Connor Wood?

  I was never.

• 35:49Brooke Averick?

  Aw, look at this picture of us, I genuinely miss when you had hair.

• 35:54Connor Wood?

  I have hair.

• 35:57Brooke Averick?

  I miss it. It just feels like, I just don't remember what you look like with hair. What are you doing on your phone?

• 36:03Connor Wood?

  I'm looking up things to talk about.

• 36:05Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I want to talk, I have stuff to talk about.

• 36:06Connor Wood?

  Oh, do it.

• 36:07Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I wish I was in West Virginia.

• 36:09Connor Wood?

  Why?

• 36:10Brooke Averick?

  It's my, it's one of my favorite places.

• 36:12Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I'm reading your book right now, and you mentioned West Virginia like, right away.

• 36:15Brooke Averick?

  Isn't that scary?

• 36:16Connor Wood?

  That is really weird.

• 36:17Brooke Averick?

  And I was kind of like, I don't believe West Virginia is real.

• 36:19Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 36:19Brooke Averick?

  And like, when you have a plan, God. God be, when you have a plan, God be like,

• 36:32Brooke Averick?

  that was God when he was reading Phoebe. God when he was reading Phoebe, be like,

• 36:38Connor Wood?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:39Brooke Averick?

  So yeah, God sent me to West Virginia, and I, and I loved it so much.

• 36:44Connor Wood?

  West Virginia was amazing.

• 36:45Brooke Averick?

  It's just, it was nice to be really removed.

• 36:47Connor Wood?

  If you, yeah, if you find yourself in that part of the country, which is funny, because remember when I was, I was in, I was in

• 36:59Connor Wood?

  Charlotte, North Carolina, and then I had to go to Charleston, and I was driving Xavier and Maggie, because we had a show in Charleston. And I was driving, and then two hours into the drive, and I made them, I made them wake up early, so we could spend the day in Charleston, wake up early, we couldn't do the complimentary breakfast, I said, pee, pack your bags, we're leaving at nine, we leave, we drive two hours, and Xavier had some, and I was thinking to myself, I thought Charleston was on the water. Maybe it's on a lake.

• 37:26Brooke Averick?

  Charleston's not on the water.

• 37:27Connor Wood?

  Sure is.

• 37:29Brooke Averick?

  I think Charleston's pretty landlocked.

• 37:31Connor Wood?

  South Carolina, North Carolina?

• 37:32Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 37:33Connor Wood?

  Fully, it's on the coast.

• 37:34Brooke Averick?

  Oh, no, I'm thinking of Charlotte.

• 37:36Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 37:37Brooke Averick?

  Are you talking about Charleston, South Carolina?

• 37:40Connor Wood?

  Sure, it, yeah.

• 37:41Brooke Averick?

  I don't actually know.

• 37:41Connor Wood?

  No, I think it's North Carolina, Charleston.

• 37:46Connor Wood?

  Oh, South, sorry.

• 37:47Brooke Averick?

  It's okay.

• 37:48Connor Wood?

  Um, so, I'm, yeah, it's right there on the, it's on the water there.

• 37:52Brooke Averick?

  It's on the water in South Carolina.

• 37:53Connor Wood?

  Yeah. So I was driving, driving, and I was like, huh, maybe it's on like a, maybe it's on like a bay, and the bay comes all the way in, and then Xavier goes, I don't know how to tell you this, he zooms in on that,

• 38:06Connor Wood?

  we're in West Virginia, and we were one hour away from Charleston, West Virginia.

• 38:10Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 38:12Connor Wood?

  Awesome.

• 38:12Brooke Averick?

  It wasn't your time to go there yet.

• 38:14Connor Wood?

  No, it wasn't, and I'm so, so glad we got the time that we did, it was so fun. We went to the New River Gorge National Park.

• 38:22Brooke Averick?

  Preserve.

• 38:22Connor Wood?

  Preserve, and preserve.

• 38:24Brooke Averick?

  And preserve, I think. It's the newest national park.

• 38:28Connor Wood?

  It's the newest national park, it opened in 2020.

• 38:31Brooke Averick?

  Is it the second longest river, or did I make that up?

• 38:34Connor Wood?

  It's a second.

• 38:35Brooke Averick?

  Behind the Nile, or the second oldest?

• 38:37Connor Wood?

  Oldest. Which is, yeah, because it was ironic that it was called the New River Gorge.

• 38:41Brooke Averick?

  Yes, that's, yes.

• 38:42Connor Wood?

  But it's, it's the oldest one.

• 38:44Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 38:44Connor Wood?

  And we went whitewater rafting.

• 38:46Brooke Averick?

  I miss it, I miss the rapids.

• 38:47Connor Wood?

  I just didn't, I just never pictured you on a whitewater raft.

• 38:50Brooke Averick?

  Everyone has been saying that, like, how much do they have to pay you to like, get you out here? I like that kind of stuff. It's just a matter of like, I, what I don't like is like, the active, like, like, I don't like hiking, you know, I don't like exerting myself necessarily, but like, I love like, nature and water.

• 39:11Connor Wood?

  Sure.

• 39:12Brooke Averick?

  You know?

• 39:12Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 39:12Brooke Averick?

  So whitewater rafting is good, my concern was just if I was gonna be seasick or not, and you don't get seasick on the rapids. So I was fine.

• 39:22Connor Wood?

  I don't totally get how you get seasick on the ocean, but not the river.

• 39:27Brooke Averick?

  I think it's just so slow and calm, and then the parts that are like, whoa, are like, three seconds.

• 39:32Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Well, you did, you did a great job, and we filmed a bunch of it, and it'll be released.

• 39:37Brooke Averick?

  I'm excited to see that.

• 39:38Connor Wood?

  In some capacity, with our, with our family over at T-Mobile.

• 39:41Brooke Averick?

  That's the thing about family, is.

• 39:43Connor Wood?

  It can look like anything.

• 39:44Brooke Averick?

  It can look like anything, and I found mine in, in West Virginia.

• 39:48Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Damn.

• 39:49Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 39:50Connor Wood?

  That was so much fun. Um, I haven't talked to you about anything for a long time, you know, I went to that wedding, I went to Paige and Tommy's wedding.

• 39:57Brooke Averick?

  Oh, yeah?

• 39:57Connor Wood?

  In New York.

• 39:58Brooke Averick?

  I didn't see any pictures of you.

• 40:00Connor Wood?

  Well, here's the thing, and I'll tell you why you didn't see any pictures of me. One, because as I was getting ready, I haven't worn my tux in a while. Somehow I have two tuxes, and I have no idea when I.

• 40:14Brooke Averick?

  It's crazy that guys can just wear the same thing to every wedding.

• 40:17Connor Wood?

  It is crazy, but when you think about the fact that it was 98 degrees, and girls are wearing like, a flowy dress, and I'm in a three-piece suit, and then I'm gonna tell you this next part, I have not put on my tux in a while, I have, my body has changed

• 40:35Connor Wood?

  a lot, since the last time I put the tux on. I'm going, oh, maybe it's because I just had lunch?

• 40:41Brooke Averick?

  No, you look great.

• 40:42Connor Wood?

  Thanks.

• 40:43Brooke Averick?

  Do you think you bulked, like, muscle?

• 40:46Connor Wood?

  I'm talking about the pants, though. My glutes are beginning a little bigger. I bent down to put on my socks, my

• 40:54Connor Wood?

  crotch rips out, like I bust through the crotch.

• 40:57Brooke Averick?

  Aight.

• 40:58Connor Wood?

  Completely, so I go, it was like.

• 41:00Brooke Averick?

  You busted through the front of the crotch?

• 41:02Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 41:05Connor Wood?

  What?

• 41:06Brooke Averick?

  Nothing.

• 41:07Connor Wood?

  You think I can't bust out the crotch?

• 41:09Brooke Averick?

  No, I, I did not say that.

• 41:13Connor Wood?

  The way that my thighs had filled up the pants, busted out the crotch.

• 41:20Connor Wood?

  So then I throw on my other tux pants, they are like skinny, like, they're like fitted, you know, like, I wear kind of wider legged trousers. I forgot that my tux pants are like fitted, so I'm already like uncomfortable, I'm sweating so much from like, my shins and my knees, which like, I didn't even know you could sweat there, that like, they're, it's sticking to me, and then

• 41:44Connor Wood?

  I was sweating so profusely that I posted a video, like, I had to sneak away from the reception and go into this like,

• 41:53Connor Wood?

  like, the venue area and take off my jacket and sit next to a fan, and I posted it, and everyone was like, were really concerned for you. They were like, what's going on? Because I looked so unwell in this thing. That's why there was no pictures of me, because I was sweating so much that I looked, I looked, I've got to show you.

• 42:12Brooke Averick?

  That's my least favorite thing, is when you like, post something, because you're like, ha ha, which I, I just, like, I did with my lip, and then everyone's like, you need to go to the hospital. And I'm like, I was, like, no.

• 42:24Connor Wood?

  Everyone was like.

• 42:24Brooke Averick?

  That's not what I meant.

• 42:25Connor Wood?

  We're really, really, really scared for you. I'm gonna show you. Here we go.

• 42:35Connor Wood?

  I'm gonna put this on the, that's how tight my pants were.

• 42:37Brooke Averick?

  Oh.

• 42:38Connor Wood?

  And people were like-

• 42:39Brooke Averick?

  You look like you just got out of the new River Gorge.

• 42:42Connor Wood?

  I'm soaking from head to toe. Look at, when I look at my jacket for the first time-

• 42:47Brooke Averick?

  You look handsome.

• 42:48Connor Wood?

  Thank you. That's really nice. But look at the-

• 42:50Brooke Averick?

  I miss when you look like that.

• 42:51Connor Wood?

  Look at this.

• 42:53Brooke Averick?

  Oh.

• 42:54Connor Wood?

  My tux.

• 42:54Brooke Averick?

  My god.

• 42:55Connor Wood?

  So like, I felt disgusting. Obviously, it's like the hottest group of people ever anywhere, like Paige Lorenz is like- Obviously, it's everyone's so, so, 10 out of 10. And I'm, I, just complete last couple days on earth vibes from me. Just like, sick, sweating, on the gra- on my knees, inside the house, as these classy folks walk by, and I'm like, soaked, head to toe.

• 43:19Brooke Averick?

  That is tough, I'm sorry.

• 43:21Connor Wood?

  Yeah, people kept being-

• 43:22Brooke Averick?

  But I would've been so jealous of that sweat, because you know, I can't work up a sweat like that.

• 43:26Connor Wood?

  People were like, "Where are you?" And I was like, I couldn't tell them, "I'm in the, I'm in the portable potty."

• 43:31Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 43:31Connor Wood?

  Next to the, they were pumping AC into it. And like, I was dealing with the smell because I was like, I need to be next to this flow.

• 43:39Brooke Averick?

  You should bring a portable little fan with you.

• 43:41Connor Wood?

  It died.

• 43:42Brooke Averick?

  You need to bring the Shark, um-

• 43:44Connor Wood?

  Yeah, the-

• 43:44Brooke Averick?

  Chill pill.

• 43:45Connor Wood?

  You know, I love the chill pill.

• 43:46Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Connor Wood?

  Highly recommend the chill pill, if no one, if anyone needs it. Um-

• 43:51Brooke Averick?

  Have you seen Obsession?

• 43:53Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 43:54Brooke Averick?

  What, why are you, why are you acting like that?

• 43:56Connor Wood?

  Because I talk, I, I, I talked about it a ton.

• 44:00Brooke Averick?

  I don't remember that.

• 44:01Connor Wood?

  Wait, was Brooke gone when I talked about Obsession?

• 44:04Brooke Averick?

  Yeet.

• 44:05Connor Wood?

  Oh yeah, you were. I think you were.

• 44:07Brooke Averick?

  What did you say?

• 44:09Connor Wood?

  What are, what are you gonna say?

• 44:10Brooke Averick?

  What, what, what did you say?

• 44:13Connor Wood?

  Well, I said it was a fabulous movie, and people yearn for new faces in film and TV. And I thought it was fabulous acting across the board, and it didn't leave me feeling unsettled the night that I saw it, but the more that I sat with it, the more, the one week later, I was like, oh, I'm like freaked out about that. It was making me feel sick. I love Adina. Adina? Nadina?

• 44:40Brooke Averick?

  Not at all.

• 44:41Connor Wood?

  What's her name?

• 44:41Brooke Averick?

  Her name.

• 44:45Brooke Averick?

  Some, something kind of similar, but not really.

• 44:48Connor Wood?

  Indy.

• 44:48Brooke Averick?

  Indy? Yeah, Adina Verrett. She is like so gorgeous and talented. Yeah, the acting was incredible. If I could conjure up my nightmare film, it would be Puke and Dead Cat.

• 45:04Brooke Averick?

  And the, and the, and that was, and that was that for me.

• 45:08Connor Wood?

  Not the, her being stuck being obsessed with someone that she's like-

• 45:13Brooke Averick?

  No, that honestly didn't make sense to me.

• 45:15Connor Wood?

  What?

• 45:16Brooke Averick?

  They kind of lost me, because, so he wished for her to love him more than anyone else.

• 45:21Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 45:22Brooke Averick?

  How does that translate into what she became?

• 45:25Connor Wood?

  It was a descent into madness.

• 45:28Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I just like really didn't understand the pipeline of like, "I want her to love me," to like her shitting on the floor, and like throwing up and cooking a cat.

• 45:38Connor Wood?

  It was just like you, she lost, love you more than anything, like, drives you to insanity.

• 45:46Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 45:46Connor Wood?

  Like, it was like she was unable to like-

• 45:48Brooke Averick?

  Function.

• 45:49Connor Wood?

  Think or do it, like, loved, loved him more than breathing, loved him more than like going to the bathroom, loved him more than-

• 45:55Brooke Averick?

  But like, why do you love someone so much that you have to cook their cat?

• 46:00Connor Wood?

  I hope, I hope you never figure out.

• 46:02Brooke Averick?

  That would just like never, like, I've, I've had some pretty intense limerence.

• 46:10Brooke Averick?

  I've, I just like, I, I wasn't relating to-

• 46:14Connor Wood?

  It's certainly not supposed to be a relatable film.

• 46:16Brooke Averick?

  Right.

• 46:19Connor Wood?

  But I think that what you're feeling is completely what, like, the intention of, behind it was, like, it should be like-

• 46:26Brooke Averick?

  I just kept going like, "Why is she doing that?"

• 46:29Connor Wood?

  Good. Okay, good.

• 46:32Brooke Averick?

  Good, good.

• 46:33Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Why is that girl beating that girl's face into her swimming well until she turns-

• 46:36Brooke Averick?

  That, I, no, that made sense.

• 46:38Connor Wood?

  Oh.

• 46:39Brooke Averick?

  That, I'm like, okay, like jealousy. Yeah, jealousy on steroids, like extreme obsession, got that part. I didn't get the like-

• 46:46Connor Wood?

  That made sense.

• 46:48Brooke Averick?

  I just didn't get the like cooking the cat.

• 46:51Connor Wood?

  That, you only lost her at the cat?

• 46:53Brooke Averick?

  Well, there was a lot of stuff where I was like, "Why are you pooping on the floor?"

• 46:59Connor Wood?

  Because I love you.

• 47:00Brooke Averick?

  See, that's where I was like, "How did we get here?"

• 47:02Connor Wood?

  She would never pooped.

• 47:04Brooke Averick?

  That, she did something. She, she did, I think, poop on the floor.

• 47:09Connor Wood?

  I don't think she pooped.

• 47:09Brooke Averick?

  I think she pooped and peed and puked.

• 47:13Connor Wood?

  I guess I just pissed on the floor.

• 47:14Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 47:15Connor Wood?

  Yeah, she had to wait for him to get home. She couldn't go to the bathroom. Dogs do that all the time, and they love you.

• 47:22Brooke Averick?

  That's a good way, that's a good way to put it, just like pure, just-

• 47:25Connor Wood?

  Unadulterated, like, unconditional love.

• 47:28Brooke Averick?

  I understood the taping of The Door, like, yeah, I got that part. It was just there were some things, I was like, "I'm not following your thought process," which again, as you said, like, good.

• 47:37Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Brooke Averick?

  Like, don't put yourself in those shoes, because you'll fall.

• 47:42Connor Wood?

  Those are huge shoes.

• 47:43Brooke Averick?

  Because they're for plantar fasciitis. Um, but yeah. I, I wish I wanted, I wanted to go on Reddit after, but I'm, I'm blocked from Reddit.

• 47:53Connor Wood?

  Reddit does not enter my zeitgeist ever anymore.

• 47:57Brooke Averick?

  I know, but I like going on after movies.

• 47:59Connor Wood?

  They need to make a new Reddit that's like for people with jobs.

• 48:04Brooke Averick?

  They need to make a new Reddit that's like, let's, like, kind, kindness.

• 48:08Connor Wood?

  Kind Reddit.

• 48:09Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, let's make Kind Reddit.

• 48:11Connor Wood?

  Where is Nathan Fielder? Dumb Starbucks and Kind Reddit, two things that will never exist.

• 48:17Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I miss dumb Starbucks. I miss Nathan.

• 48:20Connor Wood?

  Me too. I saw a picture of him recently.

• 48:22Brooke Averick?

  Where?

• 48:23Connor Wood?

  He's a little older than I remember.

• 48:25Brooke Averick?

  You know, he's like not as old as you would think he is.

• 48:27Connor Wood?

  Really?

• 48:27Brooke Averick?

  He's like pretty earl, like, early 40s.

• 48:30Connor Wood?

  He kinda aged like they used to in the past.

• 48:32Brooke Averick?

  What do you mean?

• 48:33Connor Wood?

  Like George Costanza. You know, like George-

• 48:37Brooke Averick?

  Well, he's always had more of like a mature look. You know, even when he was like 20, he would be like, wow.

• 48:42Connor Wood?

  Salt and Pepper vibes.

• 48:42Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 48:43Connor Wood?

  That's what my hair looked like when I looked in the mirror and saw that one gray hair. I saw Nathan Fielder.

• 48:47Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I get that.

• 48:47Connor Wood?

  In the mirror.

• 48:49Brooke Averick?

  Uh, it's so, like, men really do get to like get better looking as they age.

• 48:53Connor Wood?

  He's funny.

• 48:55Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 48:55Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 48:57Brooke Averick?

  He is.

• 48:58Connor Wood?

  Yeah. Hot take.

• 49:00Brooke Averick?

  Hot take, Nathan Fielder's kind of like tongue in cheek.

• 49:06Brooke Averick?

  What?

• 49:06Connor Wood?

  Nothing.

• 49:08Brooke Averick?

  I watched something else, too.

• 49:12Connor Wood?

  Cool.

• 49:15Connor Wood?

  I, I need to go see The Odyssey so I can talk about it, and I need to go see, I'm gonna go see Spider-Man. I hear people are crying at Spider-Man, and I, I forget that like-

• 49:23Brooke Averick?

  Spider-Man is always sad.

• 49:25Connor Wood?

  I know, but I forget that like-

• 49:29Connor Wood?

  I don't know, I guess I cried at Remarkable, Remarkably Bright Creatures.

• 49:33Brooke Averick?

  What did you forget?

• 49:34Connor Wood?

  That like, people take it, like, to-

• 49:37Brooke Averick?

  Oh, no, it's really, Spider-Man's really emotional. Although, I've never seen Tom Holland's Spider-Man.

• 49:43Connor Wood?

  Ever cry at a superhero movie.

• 49:46Brooke Averick?

  You didn't cry when Uncle Ben died?

• 49:52Connor Wood?

  No.

• 49:53Brooke Averick?

  That's like, to me, like Titanic level.

• 49:58Connor Wood?

  Titanic?

• 49:58Brooke Averick?

  Is Uncle Ben, as Martin Sheen's Uncle Ben, passing.

• 50:04Connor Wood?

  Titanic is like, what is it called, fictional reality?

• 50:07Brooke Averick?

  Well, I've also never made it through Titanic, but-

• 50:10Connor Wood?

  Don't, do not speak on my, on my film.

• 50:12Brooke Averick?

  But Uncle Ben dying is like one of, one of the worst things in the world.

• 50:18Connor Wood?

  I'll have to re-watch. How are they still coming out with Spider-Mans? I don't get that either.

• 50:21Brooke Averick?

  I don't get, I don't really know.

• 50:23Connor Wood?

  No Way Home.

• 50:23Brooke Averick?

  They're different.

• 50:25Connor Wood?

  Spider-Man, No Way Home. Spider-Man, I'm heading there. Spider-Man, on my way. Spider-Man, forgot my keys. Spider-Man, doors unlocked. Spider-Man, did I turn off my oven?

• 50:36Brooke Averick?

  That's funny, that's genuinely funny.

• 50:38Connor Wood?

  Thanks.

• 50:38Brooke Averick?

  And you should add that to your stand-up.

• 50:45Brooke Averick?

  Write it down.

• 50:48Brooke Averick?

  Why aren't you actually writing it down?

• 50:52Connor Wood?

  Just like, what?

• 50:57Connor Wood?

  You didn't even laugh.

• 50:59Brooke Averick?

  No, I'm not like a big laugher. But I really did think that was like smart and funny.

• 51:04Connor Wood?

  Thanks. Well, we could clip it if we-

• 51:08Connor Wood?

  You wanna clip it?

• 51:09Brooke Averick?

  No, I don't know if we should clip it, but I think it was like, you could workshop it.

• 51:13Connor Wood?

  Oh my god, well, I was workshopping it in real time.

• 51:16Brooke Averick?

  I think you should take it and continue to workshop it and use it in stand-up.

• 51:22Connor Wood?

  Okay, let me try it again, let me try it again.

• 51:23Brooke Averick?

  No, no, no, I don't, no, no, no.

• 51:24Connor Wood?

  No, no, because I wanna clip it. No, because I wanna clip it.

• 51:26Brooke Averick?

  Okay, how did we start?

• 51:28Connor Wood?

  It doesn't ma- I don't wanna do it anymore. I lo- I lost it.

• 51:30Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 51:31Connor Wood?

  I got turned off.

• 51:33Brooke Averick?

  Just something to think about.

• 51:35Connor Wood?

  I'm not even, I'm not even in the mood anymore.

• 51:37Brooke Averick?

  I miss laughing with you.

• 51:39Connor Wood?

  Yeah, me too.

• 51:40Brooke Averick?

  You're not yourself with your bald head.

• 51:42Connor Wood?

  No, I've just been very tongue in cheek lately, not really laugh mode.

• 51:45Brooke Averick?

  Exactly, that's why I didn't laugh.

• 51:46Connor Wood?

  You should've done that after I did.

• 51:47Brooke Averick?

  I was thinking like, oh, this is smart, as you were going. And I was actually thinking like, I can't, I wanna join in with him.

• 51:54Connor Wood?

  You could've joined in. Brooke, I would've loved if you joined in.

• 51:57Brooke Averick?

  Connor, I was trying. My wheels were turning and nothing was coming out.

• 52:01Connor Wood?

  You know what I think that we, we don't do?

• 52:03Brooke Averick?

  What?

• 52:03Connor Wood?

  Sit with it for a second, and like, let our wheels turn?

• 52:07Brooke Averick?

  I would've needed 35 minutes to think of a response.

• 52:09Connor Wood?

  No, no, you're very-

• 52:11Brooke Averick?

  Pete, you, I'm not quick.

• 52:13Connor Wood?

  You're witty.

• 52:14Brooke Averick?

  I'm not, I'm witty, but I'm not quick.

• 52:16Connor Wood?

  You're witty and quick, and you're on your toes.

• 52:19Brooke Averick?

  I'm witty, but I'm not quick.

• 52:21Connor Wood?

  You're tongue in cheek.

• 52:21Brooke Averick?

  And I'm on my arches.

• 52:22Connor Wood?

  You're most definitely plantar fasciitis on your toes. With your tongue in your cheek, and the, and the shape of an L on your forehead.

• 52:30Brooke Averick?

  See, like, that's really quick.

• 52:32Connor Wood?

  But it's not funny, like, I bet, like, you can be quick, like, all you want.

• 52:38Brooke Averick?

  You can say whatever you want, as fast as you want. I thought that was funny.

• 52:43Connor Wood?

  Oh, thanks. Appreciate it. Clip it.

• 52:45Brooke Averick?

  I think you're an amazing guy.

• 52:47Connor Wood?

  I, there was like a full thread of people being like, "I fucking hate when Connor wants to clip something." Like, it's like, I didn't know that people were, I'm like, "Oh my god, I'm not always clip farming you guys, lately." Just kidding.

• 53:00Brooke Averick?

  Do you wanna hear something really gross?

• 53:02Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 53:02Brooke Averick?

  What I, what I did to my lip?

• 53:05Connor Wood?

  Yeah, you know, I still can't see-

• 53:07Brooke Averick?

  Well, so, if you get squeamish, like, I'm warning you, this was not okay what I did. Basically, I don't know what happened.

• 53:16Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 53:16Brooke Averick?

  I woke up, I did get lip filler two weeks ago, but my lips were fine. So, and then I called the dermatologist, and she says she thinks this is un-lip filler related. I woke up with like a little like blood blister on my lip.

• 53:29Connor Wood?

  That happens.

• 53:29Brooke Averick?

  Which happens, I think. Fine, whatever.

• 53:33Brooke Averick?

  I was, and I fucked with it. Pretty bad.

• 53:37Connor Wood?

  Sure.

• 53:38Brooke Averick?

  And now my entire face is a bruised lip and purple. That's the end of the story. I, I'm not, I'm just not gonna tell you how I fucked with it, because that's the squeamish part.

• 53:50Connor Wood?

  Did you like pop it like a pimple?

• 53:51Brooke Averick?

  I stuck a safety pin in it.

• 53:52Connor Wood?

  Oh, Brooke.

• 53:53Brooke Averick?

  But I sterilized it with, with alcohol.

• 53:57Connor Wood?

  Aren't you supposed to sterilize it with a lighter?

• 54:01Brooke Averick?

  I think-

• 54:01Connor Wood?

  Like parent drap.

• 54:02Brooke Averick?

  I think alcohol's fine.

• 54:03Connor Wood?

  They have a lighter in that little cabinet?

• 54:04Brooke Averick?

  And like, obviously I shouldn't have done that. Y'all don't need to tell me that. Like, oh, I know, baby. I've, I'm paying the price.

• 54:11Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 54:12Brooke Averick?

  So...

• 54:15Brooke Averick?

  I was bleeding a lot.

• 54:17Connor Wood?

  Out of your lip?

• 54:19Brooke Averick?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:20Connor Wood?

  Okay.

• 54:21Brooke Averick?

  And... My problem is that I just, I'm, I'm a picker and I can't let things, I just can't let things be. I think that goes for physical things on my body and just situations.

• 54:34Connor Wood?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:35Brooke Averick?

  I, I can't let anything be, ever. Everything needs to be handled. As soon as possible. Like, I've never had a scab. Because the second something starts to scab, it's gone. I've picked it.

• 54:49Connor Wood?

  They, they need to make scabs you can just like put on and pick off. Like, artificial scabs.

• 54:53Brooke Averick?

  Like glue?

• 54:54Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 54:55Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 54:55Connor Wood?

  We already did that.

• 54:56Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. I've been there.

• 54:58Connor Wood?

  Uh, when I got to my new apartment and I had a box of miscellaneous items and I had like six bottles of glue, because I forgot that I went through that phase in my adult life where I wanted to put glue on my hands. And I was like, no. Put, donate, get the glue, get it out. You don't need six things of Elmer's glue. Actually, I don't need glue for anything. When's the last time you used glue?

• 55:20Brooke Averick?

  Genuinely, Connor, I was looking for my glue yesterday. I shit you not.

• 55:28Brooke Averick?

  Period.

• 55:30Connor Wood?

  And if I was just being quick, I would be like, "Oh, I don't have anything."

• 55:34Brooke Averick?

  POV, you're quick.

• 55:38Connor Wood?

  I don't know. I actually liked, because I said that, I, I blanked.

• 55:41Brooke Averick?

  I'm a slower girl.

• 55:42Connor Wood?

  Uh, Muhammad Ali.

• 55:45Connor Wood?

  That was a Kamala Harris.

• 55:46Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 55:46Connor Wood?

  That's just quick.

• 55:47Brooke Averick?

  That, yeah, but it wasn't funny.

• 55:48Connor Wood?

  Well, that was in reference to a different video.

• 55:51Brooke Averick?

  What was it? Okay, so I didn't get, I didn't-

• 55:52Connor Wood?

  I don't, I don't really know what the clip is, but the tweet-

• 55:55Brooke Averick?

  Name a woman?

• 55:56Connor Wood?

  No, the tweet was, it was Kamala Harris. And so, the, the caption is, "Me when ChatGPT's down and someone asks me my name."

• 56:04Brooke Averick?

  Sorry.

• 56:06Connor Wood?

  Were you laughing at what I said or your sneeze?

• 56:09Brooke Averick?

  My sneeze.

• 56:09Connor Wood?

  Her sneeze is funnier than what I just said.

• 56:11Brooke Averick?

  No, that's funny. I forget what you said.

• 56:15Brooke Averick?

  I told you I'm a slower girl.

• 56:16Connor Wood?

  Wait.

• 56:18Connor Wood?

  I'm one of those girls that's a bit slower.

• 56:19Brooke Averick?

  I'm slower than you might think, think I am.

• 56:21Connor Wood?

  "Me when ChatGPT's down and someone asks me my name." And it's Kamala Harris going,

• 56:24Brooke Averick?

  That, that's, yeah.

• 56:25Connor Wood?

  Uh, Muhammad Ali.

• 56:27Brooke Averick?

  Okay, that's funny, that's funny, that's funny. I like it, I like it, it's topical.

• 56:34Speaker 01

  Oh, um, um, Muhammad Ali.

• 56:38Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, that's, that's a funny clip, yeah, that's, like, the, I think the people that come up with those kinds of captions are the backbone of our society.

• 56:46Connor Wood?

  I tri- like,

• 56:48Connor Wood?

  what's that girl's name, that, that video that we watched last week where she's, she's gagged? Corinna? That-

• 56:54Brooke Averick?

  Sorry, I think I'm allergic to your bald.

• 56:58Connor Wood?

  Don't say that. You need to be sweet.

• 57:02Connor Wood?

  Be sweet. Say one sweet thing.

• 57:04Brooke Averick?

  I have said so many sweet things to you. I told you you looked handsome in that sweating video. I told you your body's been looking amazing. I told you you're funny and quick.

• 57:12Connor Wood?

  Say something sweet about-

• 57:13Brooke Averick?

  I think you're a really good guy. I can't say anything sweet about your head.

• 57:16Connor Wood?

  You need to say something sweet about my bald, bald head. Brooke?

• 57:20Brooke Averick?

  I don't like it. It makes me feel weird. You knew I wasn't gonna, you knew, you did it to unsettle me.

• 57:28Connor Wood?

  No, I didn't.

• 57:29Brooke Averick?

  Did you expect me-

• 57:30Connor Wood?

  I'm not bald to, I'm not bald to convenience you or inconvenience you.

• 57:35Brooke Averick?

  I didn't think you were.

• 57:35Connor Wood?

  This was never, this, my, my baldness is not

• 57:41Connor Wood?

  to impair you in any way. I'm, I'm exploring my body, isn't it?

• 57:44Brooke Averick?

  You did it to get a, a, a jarred reaction from me.

• 57:47Connor Wood?

  No, Brooke, I did it for attention, for them.

• 57:50Brooke Averick?

  But on, uh, in no world did you think, Brooke's gonna think I look really-

• 57:55Connor Wood?

  Brooke, I didn't, again, I didn't do the, I didn't do the bald, bald head for-

• 57:58Brooke Averick?

  You weren't thinking-

• 57:58Connor Wood?

  I just didn't think that you'd have this adverse of a reaction.

• 58:01Brooke Averick?

  I don't, you knew, I, I told you, I'm not, I don't-

• 58:04Connor Wood?

  To the bald community, I'm, I'm so, I didn't know. I did not know.

• 58:07Brooke Averick?

  It's the cube, it's the shiny. I've had an experience with someone in my life with a shinier, balder head. It just, it left a negative taste in my mouth.

• 58:14Connor Wood?

  Who?

• 58:15Brooke Averick?

  Left a bitter taste in my mouth. I can't speak on him right now.

• 58:19Connor Wood?

  It was a him?

• 58:20Brooke Averick?

  It was like a, a teacher, like, type of person, who I just-

• 58:24Connor Wood?

  Science teacher?

• 58:25Brooke Averick?

  Just didn't care for. No.

• 58:26Connor Wood?

  History?

• 58:27Brooke Averick?

  No.

• 58:27Connor Wood?

  Math?

• 58:28Brooke Averick?

  No. I'm also not gonna say, because it would really narrow down.

• 58:34Brooke Averick?

  And it's not even like, it wasn't even like, anything happened. It was just like, the only thing that I associate with this person is his bald shiny head. Like, that is all he is, kind of. You can't be a person with a bald shiny head and have that not be your whole thing. Unless, like,

• 58:50Connor Wood?

  Brooke.

• 58:50Brooke Averick?

  Unless you're like, you, you really have to be like-

• 58:53Connor Wood?

  Bald is beautiful and bald does not have to be, you don't-

• 58:56Brooke Averick?

  I don't mean to be bald as bald-phobic as I'm being like, and like, I am. But I, and I have no problem with like bald with like a little bit of something. And I, there are sometimes people with this types of baldness. Totally. Actually, I think we should delete all of my-

• 59:12Connor Wood?

  No, it's okay.

• 59:13Brooke Averick?

  No, now I'm getting scared, because like, some people like medically have to be that bald and that's fine.

• 59:17Connor Wood?

  Brooke, you, you're so fine.

• 59:19Brooke Averick?

  No, and that's completely fine. Like, I'm not talking about that. I'm more so talking about like what you've done, like this creepy man type of situation.

• 59:27Connor Wood?

  I, I'm not a creepy man.

• 59:29Brooke Averick?

  I love bald women.

• 59:31Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I, I wanna go on record. I love bald women. I have no problem with people that are bald for all different types of reasons. It's this archetype of creepy man that you're going for that I don't like.

• 59:42Connor Wood?

  I'm not going for creepy man. In fact, I looked up fun prosthetics and this was the least creepy option.

• 59:49Brooke Averick?

  What were the others?

• 59:50Connor Wood?

  Like, like half men, half, uh, fruit bat.

• 59:57Brooke Averick?

  I just, now, I feel like I'm being a little bit gossip.

• 1:00:02Connor Wood?

  Brooke!

• 1:00:04Brooke Averick?

  I don't feel like it's insane for me to look at you right now and be like, ew.

• 1:00:11Connor Wood?

  I genuinely like, me and Izzy were like, oh my gosh, I like, kind of like this on me.

• 1:00:15Brooke Averick?

  Izzy?

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  It grew on me.

• 1:00:17Connor Wood?

  It grew?

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  It did.

• 1:00:19Connor Wood?

  You, you have

• 1:00:23Connor Wood?

  to bald people?

• 1:00:26Connor Wood?

  Like, you have that, like, and I think maybe sitting with me for the next couple hours today will, like, help ease you through that, because, Brooke, I'm a, I'm your friend, I'm your neighbor.

• 1:00:37Brooke Averick?

  Doesn't feel like it.

• 1:00:38Connor Wood?

  You gotta be sweet.

• 1:00:39Brooke Averick?

  Doesn't feel like it. It's this type of person and baldness that you're embodying.

• 1:00:47Connor Wood?

  Maybe if I would've put on, like, glasses?

• 1:00:50Brooke Averick?

  Think that would've made it a fuck-ton worse?

• 1:00:51Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I'm just me here. With-

• 1:00:57Brooke Averick?

  When do you think you'll take it off?

• 1:00:58Connor Wood?

  I don't know, I really am.

• 1:01:00Brooke Averick?

  Do you think you'll wear it all day?

• 1:01:01Connor Wood?

  I wanna drive with my windows down. My bald, bald head.

• 1:01:04Brooke Averick?

  You're not gonna feel it. You're not gonna feel the wind on your scalp.

• 1:01:08Connor Wood?

  Yeah, I think I will.

• 1:01:09Brooke Averick?

  No, you won't, because that's not your scalp. Do you see what I mean?

• 1:01:12Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Brooke Averick?

  Why are you touching your toe like that?

• 1:01:15Connor Wood?

  I don't know.

• 1:01:17Connor Wood?

  Jesus.

• 1:01:20Brooke Averick?

  Well, now I feel bad.

• 1:01:22Connor Wood?

  No, it's fine.

• 1:01:24Connor Wood?

  I'm just saying, like, if I ever end up bald, that's gonna be unfortunate that, like-

• 1:01:28Brooke Averick?

  I think you're an amazing guy in so many ways and you're not gonna, you won't end up this bald because this is not the person you are.

• 1:01:35Connor Wood?

  Well, I'm telling you right now, if I'm balding at all, like, I'm getting rid of my hair.

• 1:01:39Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. I, no, it's just like, you're, you, it's also, please don't forget, you have a mustache.

• 1:01:47Connor Wood?

  Is it mustache on sitting?

• 1:01:48Brooke Averick?

  Bald and mustache and like, you're literally doing lovely bones.

• 1:01:54Connor Wood?

  I am not doing lovely bones, I'm, if anything, Mr. Clean.

• 1:01:58Brooke Averick?

  Can we look up Mr. Clean?

• 1:01:59Connor Wood?

  He doesn't have a mustache.

• 1:02:00Brooke Averick?

  But like, the thing about Mr. Clean is like, what's his whole thing? Like, his whole personality is being bald.

• 1:02:04Connor Wood?

  No, he's, he's like Howie Mandel, he's like a germaphobe.

• 1:02:08Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I guess I don't think of Howie Mandel as just being bald.

• 1:02:11Connor Wood?

  Yeah, can we look up Howie?

• 1:02:15Connor Wood?

  Like, Mr. Clean is like shiny, because he, yeah, I guess that is his whole-

• 1:02:18Brooke Averick?

  I feel totally fine with Howie.

• 1:02:24Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, he did, that doesn't affect me negatively at all.

• 1:02:29Connor Wood?

  Oh, look at him with hair. Wow, he looks like a loofah.

• 1:02:32Brooke Averick?

  He looks great. He looks like someone that I know.

• 1:02:36Connor Wood?

  Um, I know who he looks like.

• 1:02:38Brooke Averick?

  Who?

• 1:02:40Connor Wood?

  Remember that guy that, Adam Melcher, kind of?

• 1:02:42Brooke Averick?

  Oh, I could see that.

• 1:02:47Connor Wood?

  Do you know that I went to the doctor to chat about my bald symptoms? And I was, I was older than the doctor?

• 1:02:54Brooke Averick?

  That sucks. I remember you talking about that this weekend.

• 1:02:57Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, there's just a list of people that we should never be older than.

• 1:03:02Connor Wood?

  I should never be older than a doctor. I don't want to be older than an Apple Genius Bar employee.

• 1:03:10Brooke Averick?

  Do you have this list on your phone already?

• 1:03:11Connor Wood?

  I have a couple.

• 1:03:12Brooke Averick?

  Okay.

• 1:03:13Connor Wood?

  I don't wanna be older than my whitewater rafting guide.

• 1:03:15Brooke Averick?

  No, that sucked.

• 1:03:18Connor Wood?

  And I don't wanna be older than an Olympian.

• 1:03:21Brooke Averick?

  Olympian, I'm totally fine with.

• 1:03:22Connor Wood?

  I don't wanna be older than a professional athlete.

• 1:03:24Brooke Averick?

  I'm totally fine with that. I understand that they're young.

• 1:03:26Connor Wood?

  The reason I don't wanna be older than a professional athlete is because, and in my mind, I'm like, I still have time to do that.

• 1:03:35Brooke Averick?

  I, sometimes every once in a while, I'll get hit with those TikToks that are like, Toni Morrison wrote her first book when she was like 50, and then just all these accomplishments that these amazing people made, like, later in life, and they always find me right when I need them.

• 1:03:50Brooke Averick?

  I'll send you one later.

• 1:03:51Connor Wood?

  That's because your phone is tracking your data.

• 1:03:53Brooke Averick?

  Yeah. Um, I have one more thing to say before we go.

• 1:03:56Connor Wood?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:01Brooke Averick?

  It's, it's possible it slipped my mind.

• 1:04:04Connor Wood?

  Really?

• 1:04:04Brooke Averick?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:05Connor Wood?

  Did you see that the Spross Brothers started a podcast, or maybe just Cole?

• 1:04:07Brooke Averick?

  I think it's just Dylan.

• 1:04:08Connor Wood?

  Oh, it's just Dylan?

• 1:04:09Brooke Averick?

  Yeah, I remember what I was gonna say. Fuck. I saw this TikTok that was this girl interviewing these like younger boys, like, "Do you think it's po- uh, possible for a woman to be attractive over 30?" And they all said, "No."

• 1:04:22Connor Wood?

  Fabulous.

• 1:04:23Brooke Averick?

  And I'll leave you with that.

• 1:04:27Brooke Averick?

  I hope you have a good day and sorry about being so harsh.

• 1:04:33Brooke Averick?

  And I hope that when this comes out, I'm still alive.

• 1:04:38Connor Wood?

  Me too.

• 1:04:38Brooke Averick?

  But if I'm not, like, it wasn't meant to be.

• 1:04:40Connor Wood?

  I hope when this comes out, I'm still bald.

• 1:04:42Brooke Averick?

  Wait, now I'm like horrified that I manifested something bad in the space.

• 1:04:45Connor Wood?

  Brooke.

• 1:04:45Brooke Averick?

  Everything is gonna be good. I'm gonna be fine.

• 1:04:48Connor Wood?

  And you'll be okay because you have to.

• 1:04:49Brooke Averick?

  I'll be okay because I literally have to be. And I've done things that have, I've done things that have made me feel the same way. I've done so many nerve-wracking things and I've come out the other side. I'm stronger than I think I am. I'm stronger than I think I am and I can do hard things and I will do them.

• 1:05:06Brooke Averick?

  And I'm gonna have my chomp because my stomach's gurgling.

• 1:05:08Connor Wood?

  Okay. All right, thank you guys for listening.

• 1:05:11Brooke Averick?

  Love you.

• 1:05:11Connor Wood?

  We're going to the bonus. Hope you had fun. I really can't remember what happened today. This cap is pretty tight. It's cutting off the blood flow to my ears and nose and mouth. Throat.

• 1:05:24Connor Wood?

  Goodbye. Thank you.

• 1:05:26Brooke Averick?

  This week on Close Friends. I look like John Travolta, I think.

• 1:05:32Connor Wood?

  Top left, James Monroe, 18.

• 1:05:34Brooke Averick?

  Do you mean bottom right when you said top left?

• 1:05:36Connor Wood?

  Yeah. You have to come back when my parents come to New York. Or you don't have to, if you don't want to.

• 1:05:42Brooke Averick?

  Like, come to New York to meet your parents?

• 1:05:43Connor Wood?

  Yeah, this is just no point.

• 1:05:45Brooke Averick?

  Can you look up Brooke and Connor funny?

• 1:05:49Connor Wood?

  Brooke and Connor, interesting take. Sign up on TMGstudios.tv to watch a full bonus episode.

• 1:06:04Speaker 00

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