Lizzo

Lizzo (Lil Lizzo Meets Sasha B. Flootin', Cuz I Love You, Special) is a Grammy and Emmy Award-winning musician and performer. Lizzo joins Armchair Expert to discuss growing up in a Detroit church where her uncle preached and her cousins made up the choir, being mocked in Houston for “talking white” and liking anime, and losing her father at 19 who told her she could become the next great flute player. Lizzo and Dax talk about being in a dozen Minneapolis bands at once, stripping down during the interview that sparked My Skin, and watching “Truth Hurts” become a hit years after she had already given up on it. Lizzo explains why Whitney Houston “brought the church to the club,” why fame makes people afraid the other shoe will eventually drop, and how turning insults back on bullies became a kind of emotional judo. Thank you to our presenting partner Lilly. Lilly’s Foundayo™(orforglipron). Advertisement Disclaimer: Please see Indications and Safety Summary with Warnings for Foundayo™(orforglipron) at https://www.foundayo.lilly.com/risk Start your 2 month free trial today: https://youtube.com/premium . Terms Apply. Cancel Anytime. Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://www.allstate.com/ Take printer ink off your to-do list with HP Smart Tank | http://www.hp.com/SmartTank See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  Hello. Today we have, it's always an honor to have someone that's a one-name artist.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  That's true. We call that a-

• 0:12Dax Shepard?

  You gotta be pretty good to be a one-name artist.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  I think that's called a mononym.

• 0:16Dax Shepard?

  A mononym? That would make sense. Today's mononym is Lizzo, a four-time Grammy Award-winning, Emmy Award-winning superstar singer-songwriter rapper and actor. Her albums are Cause I Love You, Special, Bitch, and her new book, which is adorable, out tomorrow, called Lil Lizzo, Meet Sasha B. Flutin.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  This is great.

• 0:41Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful, cute little children's book.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  It really is sweet.

• 0:43Dax Shepard?

  About her love affair with Sasha B. Flutin.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's lovely. And Lizzo, what a party.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Really fun.

• 0:50Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, buckle up. Please enjoy, Lizzo. We get support from Quince.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 1:04Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:44Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:55Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully-designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 2:13Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  I've been wanting to dance with you for years.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is, I wish I had had more coffee, because then I would have really-

• 3:33Dax Shepard?

  We can rain check it.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  I would have brought the moves.

• 3:35Dax Shepard?

  The offer stands.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  I see. You're, whoa, what is that?

• 3:40Dax Shepard?

  Cream top.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Oh, that's coffee.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  From where?

• 3:42Dax Shepard?

  Kmart.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Kmart?

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Do those still exist?

• 3:47Dax Shepard?

  No. I think in Mexico they do.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Defunct.

• 3:50Dax Shepard?

  Get comfortable.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  It's a really good coffee shop, Maru. I don't know if you've ever had it, but it's very good.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Did you guys, when'd you guys get this?

• 3:56Speaker 03

  I got it like 40 minutes ago.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  So it's melted? So it's sweet?

• 4:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, bitch, I didn't know high maintenance like this. I was not prepared. I thought we were both from Detroit.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  I'm a diva, honey.

• 4:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  You're from Detroit. Cool.

• 4:12Dax Shepard?

  And in fact, I know we both lived there at the same time.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Really?

• 4:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, because I grew up in the suburbs, but soon as I graduated high school, I moved downtown. And you were there, because you were a little child.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Oh, I was a child when you were downtown?

• 4:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm 100 years older than you.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right. Okay.

• 4:27Dax Shepard?

  What part of Detroit did you live in?

• 4:29Speaker 02

  I was the East sider. I grew up till I was about nine, and then I moved to Houston. So my memory of Detroit is more so like family, but I lived off of Chandler Park Drive. I don't know if you know about that.

• 4:42Dax Shepard?

  I know the East side. Do you have any memories of like going down the Detroit River on 4th of July?

• 4:46Speaker 02

  We would go to, uh, Belle Isle.

• 4:48Dax Shepard?

  Belle Isle. That's where it's at.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  We would do Belle Isle, Balduc Park, and we would go sledding. And then it was horses after that.

• 4:56Dax Shepard?

  Did you do a family reunion on Belle Isle? Because that's the move. Yeah. And did you wear matching shirts?

• 5:01Speaker 02

  We actually do have Kirkwood Family Reunion green shirts, and we would play volleyball and baseball.

• 5:08Dax Shepard?

  Yes. Do you ever go down that insane slide that you'd go in the fucking potato sack and get cut?

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Yes. Wow. Oh, no. So you really, you're really Detroit. What up, though?

• 5:18Dax Shepard?

  And Belle Isle is the most life-affirming half-square mile in America.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  What is it? A park?

• 5:24Dax Shepard?

  So it's a little island in the Detroit River. It was a public park, and it was pretty good size. And you would go on Friday nights and cruise, or on Saturday and Sunday, it's family reunion time.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Oh, that's what we did. Okay.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:37Dax Shepard?

  And then you got the matching shirts. So as you're driving by all the barbecues, it's like orange, green, yellow.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 5:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  And then in the winter, they would water down the trees. And so it would be like an ice tree, and we would like play. And I had the most wild imagination. I imagined there was like a family of polar bears in this tree, and I would slide in and I would be sitting at like ice tables. It's a real memory I have.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  I just remember it was like one of those big pine trees, and it was just frozen solid. And we would just run and slide and play.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  That's so fun.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  On ice. I don't think kids today play with trees.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  They play with their phones.

• 6:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they have a video game where you slide under a frozen tree.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  I had a best friend that was a willow tree in Detroit. A best friend off of Chandler Park and Bishop. There was this giant willow tree, and it was my best friend. And I would sit in the willow tree and talk to the willow tree. And I would use the leaves of the willow tree. Well, I was a kid. I didn't know no better. But I would pluck them off and use them as a tail. And I would pretend I was tails from Sonic and... And then one day, they drew a line across the tree. And I was like, what does this mean? And my mom told me, she was real. She was like, they're gonna cut it down. And I was like, why? And they're like, it's blocking. They told us that it was like a hazard, and robbers were like hiding underneath it. So the city couldn't find them in the helicopters.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Detroit, Gotham City.

• 6:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  So I was like, no, I'm not gonna let them do this. So I was gonna stand in front of the tree and be like, if you're gonna cut this tree down, you have to cut me down.

• 6:59Dax Shepard?

  Ah.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  And my mom was like, you can do that, but first you gotta go to school, honey.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Y'all know what happened next. I went to school. I came back. It was a stomp.

• 7:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  For weeks. I was inconsolable. That was my best and only friend.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Giving tree situation.

• 7:15Dax Shepard?

  Are you able to read The Giving Tree without getting hysterical?

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Fun fact, that book is about me. No, I'm just kidding.

• 7:22Dax Shepard?

  No, it's kind of the opposite, because the little boy in that is a dick.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:26Dax Shepard?

  He's a-

• 7:27Speaker 02

  I am the tree.

• 7:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  From me.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Literally.

• 7:31Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I'm gonna make a prediction.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:33Dax Shepard?

  I guarantee I know that there was one night of the year that you were not allowed to go outside after dark. And that's October 30th.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:41Dax Shepard?

  Devil's Night, baby.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Devil's Night is so crazy. I don't remember. That's not a thing anywhere.

• 7:45Dax Shepard?

  No, but growing up there, you think everyone in the country's got Devil's Night. And then, yeah, when I moved out here, I've never met anyone that's done Devil's Night.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  Texas is an open-carry state, so I was like, surely they'll be driving around shooting guns in the air on October 30th.

• 7:59Dax Shepard?

  Torchings.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  But absolutely not. But also, I was a kid in Detroit, so Halloween even was a little dicey, because it was like, oh, that was when they was putting razor blades in the chocolate.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 8:09Dax Shepard?

  Which, by the way-

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Is that true?

• 8:11Dax Shepard?

  It's not true. It's an urban legend. I learned this in a class at UCLA. There's never been a razor blade in a piece of candy, ever. The only time there's ever been poison or something naughty in candy is a parent putting it in the candy of their own child.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Monchamp.

• 8:28Dax Shepard?

  But there's never been a stranger who's just doling out poisonous or razor blade candy.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Okay, so how did this happen, y'all? Because I feel like back in the day before, like social media, there were just commonly-known urban legends.

• 8:40Dax Shepard?

  That was our social media.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  But that just means that social media is, it's something deeper. It's something real.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:46Dax Shepard?

  We had an expert on on these at one point. There is a math to them. There's something about, the details are sticky. So like, they went through like 10 that almost everyone had. It's like, there's this famous one about a girl who goes on spring break, and she meets a boy, and she has sex with him unprotected.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 9:02Dax Shepard?

  And then when she's gonna fly home, he gives her a present, and he says, don't open the present until you're on the airplane. Do you know the punchline to this one? Does this ring a bell? She gets on the airplane, she unwraps the box, and inside is a miniature coffin. And when she opens it up, there's a piece of paper that says, welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:27Dax Shepard?

  I think maybe because y'all were super little during the fight of the AIDS thing.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 9:31Dax Shepard?

  But then when I was in high school, coming up on spring break, that was being circulated in my school, like, listen, this happened to a girl two years ago on spring break in Cancun, so don't fuck around. And the expert was like, it's these details, the little coffin.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  That stay with you. I mean, it's stranger danger. It's like there to protect you, I guess, but it's all made up. Did you know the one about the needles in the-

• 9:51Speaker 02

  And the chairs in the movie theater. Now, that's what I was gonna say.

• 9:53Dax Shepard?

  See, they're all the same age, so that makes sense.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Yes, and I still look.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, to this day, because you just never know what could be in there.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  I agree. I'm so with you on this.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Now, what about the myth about, okay, now, I don't know if this is a myth, but are public toilet seats, can you catch something, anything, any type of illness or sickness or disease from a public toilet seat?

• 10:15Dax Shepard?

  If you're a married man, and you mysteriously end up with HPV, yes.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 10:22Dax Shepard?

  All this shit was made up by married folks to explain why they got a STD somewhere. They were saying, they were saying like, you can get herpes from a hot tub.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Wait, so you can't?

• 10:31Dax Shepard?

  No, you can't. You're not gonna get it. Were you gonna rub the inside of your vagina on the seat? You think your blood cheeks are gonna pick up some?

• 10:37Speaker 02

  I don't know though.

• 10:38Dax Shepard?

  Also, most of these STDs die when they're airborne.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  STDs, but what about like, um?

• 10:43Dax Shepard?

  You can get some fecal matter on your butt cheeks. Yeah, but that's not a disease.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 10:48Dax Shepard?

  But again, you're gonna have to explain how it gets from your butt cheek, then you move it somehow internally?

• 10:54Speaker 01

  If anyone wants to write in if they've experienced this, please.

• 10:57Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's gonna be a married person. This is true.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  Some people get in the hot tub naked.

• 11:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  And then it can.

• 11:03Dax Shepard?

  And then they have sex.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  The heat kills it.

• 11:05Dax Shepard?

  But again, it's in a hundred and two degree chlorinated water.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Good point.

• 11:09Dax Shepard?

  Now, the other one that I was most fascinated by, and by the way, had I never transferred schools, this would have never occurred to me. But I went to an elementary, then a junior high, then transferred districts to another junior high, and then went to a different high school out of a different district, right? And every one of these schools had the exact same three rumors about the kids they didn't like. So there was the girl who got the hot dog stuck in her vagina.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Yep, I knew her too. I didn't have that.

• 11:33Dax Shepard?

  The boy who got his dick caught in a pot bottle or a vacuum. And I would go to these schools and they'd be like, you know Brad got it? And I'm like, no, there was a kid, Trevor, in my old school they said that about. There's no way both kids did this.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  I mean, we don't know.

• 11:46Dax Shepard?

  Cause you kinda believe the hot dog one about the girl in your school.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  I knew her kinda. She was a friend of a friend.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  I don't know. I went to like a black country kinda high school. So I feel like our stuff was like, there was a girl giving blowjobs in the annex bathroom. And it was like a long line. But I don't know if that's like an urban legend or like.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  No, that probably happened.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  That definitely happened.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, we had a girl under the bleachers.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  And you know what? More power to her, but I hope she's okay. I really hope she's okay. My God. Jesus. When you think about like being in high school, when I was in high school, I really thought I was grown. I really thought I knew everything. But now I think about high schoolers, fuck, I think about twenty year olds. I'm like, they're babies.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  I know. They don't know anything.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Protect the babies. Oh no.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  The girl who gave a blowjob under the bleachers in my middle school was in sixth grade.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  And it felt fine. It literally felt like, oh, it's happening. People are doing stuff. And now I'm like, that's Delta's age. That makes me wanna die.

• 12:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, don't bring her into it, but yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  No, but you have to use. You start doing like, wait.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Yo, same. Fifth and sixth grade. And I was like, ow. Like you think back now and you're like, oh my God, my heart. Like those poor babies.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:59Dax Shepard?

  A couple of different girls left my eighth grade because they were pregnant.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 13:03Dax Shepard?

  I had sex in the middle school.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 13:06Dax Shepard?

  I just saw a shade of your eyes.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  You fucking slut. No, I'm gonna slut shame you.

• 13:11Dax Shepard?

  Well, I know your eyes betray you. You go, what?

• 13:16Speaker 02

  Which is also, what are we talking about? Like, what is this show? That's what we do.

• 13:21Dax Shepard?

  The show's called Urban Legends by Monica Babman and Dax Shepard. You should have listened before you came.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Tangent, honey.

• 13:27Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so what did mom and dad do in Detroit?

• 13:29Speaker 02

  They had multiple businesses. The most prominent business when I was born, I knew was a credit card business. So they sold credit cards. My parents always owned businesses together as long as I've known them. You know, before I was born, they probably had jobs and stuff and worked for people, but they've never worked for anyone since I was a kid. And I have memories of passing out flyers to this credit card company on the weekends and putting them underneath car windshield wipers and making it fun with my brother and sister, like a race. Like who can get rid of their flyers first. So yeah, that's what they did. They're very collaborative.

• 14:01Dax Shepard?

  Were the siblings older or younger?

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Older. I'm the baby. I'm the mature baby. Tall, sister's short. The oldest is the runt, you know, the little one.

• 14:10Dax Shepard?

  It's upside down.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:12Dax Shepard?

  So why did they move to Houston when you were nine?

• 14:15Speaker 02

  I always say for the mortgage business.

• 14:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  The mortgage business.

• 14:20Dax Shepard?

  Was there some heat on everyone?

• 14:21Speaker 02

  Listen, you know what it's like. You have to evacuate Detroit. You don't leave Detroit casually. You have to like flee. And I remember one day I was like in Detroit and then the next day I was in Houston. My mom was like, hey, we're gonna move to Houston. I was like, no. And then I blinked and we were there. So it happened damn near overnight. Not a lot of heads up.

• 14:38Dax Shepard?

  That's why I'm asking was maybe there's some heat. Maybe were these credit cards, some of them, or maybe a little?

• 14:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 14:42Dax Shepard?

  Not above board.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  I don't think the credit cards were. But I'll say my dad was a very infamous person. You either loved him or you wanted to kill him.

• 14:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay. Big personality?

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Yes. Libra.

• 14:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay. What does that mean, Monica?

• 14:56Speaker 01

  Well, big personality.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. Good at lying, charming.

• 15:01Dax Shepard?

  Good at lying.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  You might be a rising.

• 15:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, well, let's look.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  He might be.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  It gives that or maybe a little Pisces or Aries a little bit rising.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  That's my rising.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Oh, nice. Okay. Scary.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  But I'm a double Virgo otherwise, so I'm good, yeah.

• 15:17Dax Shepard?

  You know what I love about you guys who like astrology? It's like no matter, no matter what, y'all who like astrology and believe in it. No matter what it is, you guys are equally pumped. That's what's neat about it. It's like, there's no strata of what's good and bad. It's just like, you're a Pisces? Oh, great. And you're a Capricorn? Ooh.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Because it's good to know. I think you can tell who really is into the charting of it all and who's just like early horoscopes kind of into astrology. Because they'll be like, oh, whoa. That's because you have a very basic understanding of the signs. But all the signs are great because we're made up of all of them. We're made up of the stars. You know, it's really that. And I think we really nerd out because we like, I'm speaking for you, but I like Sailor Moon. It's an anime.

• 16:00Dax Shepard?

  I thought it was one of y'all's gurus who knows a lot about the chart. Doesn't it sound like an astrologist's name? Sailor Moon.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  That is a fire name for an astrologist.

• 16:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Sailor Moon, like as an astrology account.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Take it.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  If Naioka Tekuguchi will let me have the name Sailor Moon, then.

• 16:17Dax Shepard?

  They're not gonna come after you on Instagram.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  That IP is locked in. That IP is Barbie deep.

• 16:23Dax Shepard?

  They probably already own the handle on Instagram.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  The Sailor Moon handle's taken.

• 16:27Dax Shepard?

  It's taken. We haven't looked, but we're feel pretty confident it's taken.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Hmm, Master Sailor Moon. There's something there though.

• 16:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  We like it.

• 16:36Dax Shepard?

  Wait, I know all your things. So you had, you had cornrow clique.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Oh, you know my music things. Got you.

• 16:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, or girl, always three Rs.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  Girl.

• 16:44Dax Shepard?

  Girl, three Rs though. I spelt it a lot today. So I'm like, is it two Rs or four Rs?

• 16:48Speaker 02

  I use it a lot now. It's very.

• 16:51Dax Shepard?

  So was it Sailor Moon? Sailor Moon girl.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Girl.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Sailor with three Rs.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 17:00Dax Shepard?

  You guys now co-own it.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  Wait.

• 17:03Dax Shepard?

  We have a lot of witnesses.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  L O R R R.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  M O O O?

• 17:08Speaker 01

  We could try.

• 17:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think that's a little heavy handed, yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  And then it's like Sailor Moon dresses as a cow. And actually, I was going to be Sailor Moo for Halloween. I was gonna be a cow dressed as Sailor Moo.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  That's great. That is fantastic. That is fantastic.

• 17:25Dax Shepard?

  You'll leave here today with something. It'll have been worth your while.

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. Yeah.

• 17:30Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you land down in Houston and do you remember that being a overwhelming transition? Or did you take to it, of course, I've read Lil' Lizzo and Sasha B. Flutin.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:41Dax Shepard?

  So I know that version of the story, but what was your overall? Did you feel fish out of water?

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Yes, I think that it was a culture shock because I was like, I don't wanna see horses in the road instead of cars. No, I was very dramatic. And I did see horses and was like, oh shit, like hey. So that was big. But also my entire family is in Detroit and my church was my whole family. Like versus in Houston, there are mega churches where it's just a congregation of the people from the city. Also, by the way, the pastor is flying in on a helicopter, coming down, preaching, getting back in the helicopter, flying to his other mega church.

• 18:17Dax Shepard?

  So he can spread the word quicker.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Exactly. But our church, the main room was the size of this.

• 18:22Dax Shepard?

  Was there music in that church?

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Yes, the choir are my cousins and aunties. The band are my cousins. The pastor is my uncle. It's all my family.

• 18:31Dax Shepard?

  It scares me. I say this all the time. I'm not religious and in fact, religion scares me a bit. But I do fear its decline because like, yeah, we just had Anderson Paak on. He learned to play drums at the church.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:43Dax Shepard?

  Where are all those kids in the decline of that? Like where are they gonna get the music education? Scares me a little bit.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  That's what I'm worried about too. I don't even think there can be another Whitney Houston or anyone close to her because church is so formative. You're born with the gift, of course. But in church, you kind of learn how to release your inhibitions. There's something about catching the spirit and there's something about a Holy Ghost and there's something about church music that allows you to express yourself in an uninhibited way. And that's what Whitney brought to secular stages. She brought the church to the club.

• 19:21Dax Shepard?

  You're also already in community, which is already a heightened state. And then you add on music, which also is a heightened state, and it kinda can reach a level that otherwise it can't.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  And everyone's rooting for you in the church. Like no one's at church like.

• 19:34Dax Shepard?

  There's no haters at church.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Ugh, that's bad.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  Because it's not like, I'm sorry, somebody calling me?

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Oh, you can answer it.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  No, it's my driveway.

• 19:43Dax Shepard?

  Can we peep this case real quick?

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  It's really nice.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Speaking of Sailor Moon.

• 19:47Dax Shepard?

  No, I didn't know why your purse was so big, and now I do. Because what other purse would that phone fit in?

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  This is from Sailor Moon. It's her crescent wands. So she's like.

• 19:58Dax Shepard?

  You really are into it.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Makeup. And then the powers come out of it, and she turns into Sailor Moon. Yeah, but I also hate touching phones. It burns my fingertips. Sorry. A little side note about me, I'm sensitive.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  Wait, we were talking about something.

• 20:13Dax Shepard?

  Church, singing in church.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  People rooting for you.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  People rooting for you, because it's not about that. It's about God. So we're singing for God. We're using our talents and our gifts for God. And I think that's the difference.

• 20:26Dax Shepard?

  There's a humility in it.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yes, because when you think about pop music and in the pop space, most singers are singing for the coin. They're singing for the check. They're singing for the glory.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  Approval.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  The clout, the approval, because they have to. But when you see a person who was anointed and who was singing for a higher purpose, it just hits differently. I don't see it anymore. It's declining at a rapid rate.

• 20:49Dax Shepard?

  So in Houston, what church did you end up at? One of the megas?

• 20:52Speaker 02

  We ended up at a mega.

• 20:53Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. Did the pastor ever have a scandal while you were there? Because what they also like to do with the private jets is they also like to get in a little trouble in the sheets.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  You know, I went to a few churches. I'm not gonna name names because we don't want, but I went to a few megas. But I will name one. I went to Lakewood for a while. I remember when Pastor Joel's father had passed away because he was the head of Lakewood. And I remember when he passed away, there was a huge billboard. It was like, we're gonna miss you. And then Joel begrudgingly took over.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Joel Olsteen?

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Yes, begru- he was like the young, cool PK.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  But I remember he took over and it just started going cra-ee-ee.

• 21:30Dax Shepard?

  He bought the Charlotte Hornets stadium, right? That's Joel Olsteen?

• 21:33Speaker 02

  Well, he bought the arena that I know about.

• 21:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, this dude owns arenas.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then moved the church into that arena. And I was like, oh, they big ballin'. Now I was driving by him on the highway. I said, let me see what it's all about. And I checked it out. So I did a lot of church hopping, but my family, I think they were very turned off. Our first year there, we went to church and it was a mega church. And it was New Year's Eve, actually, I remember we went to church and, you know, we pray into the new year. There was a lot of issues. I feel like my family was very uncomfortable, but it's a weird story. There was a huge power outage at midnight and everything shut down. And my dad was like a very superstitious kind of person. And he had already been feeling weird. And when that happened, he was like, I don't wanna do this anymore. Like, that was a sign that we shouldn't be going to these churches. So my family stopped going to church when I was very young.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  All together, I'm the only one who continued to pursue church and congregation. And eventually with my best friend, I found a church and it was very small. And we would go together. And it was so small that like, we would have to move locations. He would rent out buildings and sometimes they wouldn't make rent, so we would move to another building. But wherever we were, we would always come together. It would be the same congregation. We would sing and we would play. And it was very, very grassroots. And I loved it because I was hanging out with my best friends on the weekend. But I also loved it because it gave me a place to be sacred. I crave that.

• 22:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  I think it's important.

• 22:57Dax Shepard?

  And so how did you do with the other kids in school?

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Um.

• 23:01Dax Shepard?

  You said they were country. Were you in a rural area?

• 23:03Speaker 02

  Maybe I was in the SWAT. I was in the southwest aleve, Texas, which is southwest of Houston. So this is Houston and the H, as we like to say. And then there's the north side, south side, west side with Katie. And then there's east side, which we don't really go over there because that's basically Louisiana. And I was down here in the SWAT.

• 23:22Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  So it's all the greater Houston area, but we was in the SWAT down here. Mind you, 30 years prior, it was all cows in that area.

• 23:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so there's still fields.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Down Highway 6, there's just fields, old plantations.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Prisons, which are plantations.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Very much that. And so when we moved into our neighborhood, we were the second house. I remember when the neighborhood was being built and our house was being kind of put up, it was all grass. And then it developed really quickly. And it became real country urban. The culture moved very quickly. My sister, older than me, we went to the same high school. Elsick was very kind of artsy. By the time I got there, it was The Trap.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Four years for it to be The Trap. It was fun, though. I loved high school. Middle school is where it was rough. You was out here cracking and shit.

• 24:17Dax Shepard?

  That was my, funny enough, mine was born in 87. You were born in 88, 42788. And that is my peak year of my entire life. And I've had a charmed life. But 7th grade is the best year of my whole life. It went all downhill in high school.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  What happened in high school?

• 24:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so in 8th grade, I was 5' 11", 160. In 9th grade, I was 6' 3", 150. So I lost 10 pounds, grew 4 inches. This nose came in, but this all didn't come in. So it's just a huge nose, terrible hairdo. My brother had me get a perm. And it was long and bad with a perm up top, huge nose, acne, rake figure. It just was a bummer. Brand new school.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  What's wrong with being tall?

• 25:00Dax Shepard?

  It's okay if you're tall unless you're 150. And 6' 3", that's not enough weight on that frame. You feel me? Yeah, I was real beanpoly.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Oh, so they were calling you Bean Pole and shit?

• 25:11Dax Shepard?

  Well, I fought, so they don't know.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  You were fighting them?

• 25:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I fought them.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, man. Body shaming goes both ways, dude.

• 25:18Dax Shepard?

  Nobody likes what they got, period.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, but also if somebody's mean enough, they'll find a way to make fun of you.

• 25:23Dax Shepard?

  Oh, of course. If you would've talked about my nose, I was devastated, right? Or my acne.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  Or I remember it was my shoes. They would be like, oh, slouchy shoes. Your shoes slouch. I'm like, why did you say that?

• 25:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  And also that means nothing. What does that mean? What's a slouchy shoe?

• 25:38Dax Shepard?

  I don't even know.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  I have wide feet. So my shoes would kind of slouch on the side. And it's like, back then, I, you don't even know, I used to bind my feet. I found out like Cambodian women would like bind their feet. In middle school, I was binding my feet with tape so that my shoes wouldn't slouch or my air forces would stay crispy on the side. Because if I had a little slouch on the edge of my air forces, somebody would see it and it'd be the end of the world.

• 26:02Dax Shepard?

  You were binding for width. Those gals were binding for length generally.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:06Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  I think they're binding all around. They're trying to have the teeniest, tiniest.

• 26:09Dax Shepard?

  Oh, they had, you've seen those x-rays. It's just, it's a hub.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Fuck my feet.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Well, of course.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  I had, what's it called, ingrown toenails and shit.

• 26:18Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  I don't have no arch. Actually, I'm realizing that's probably why heels hurt so bad now. I fucked my shit up.

• 26:26Dax Shepard?

  No, I think they hurt everybody, no matter what.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Trying to not be slouchy girls. But middle school was, I think, the worst. You know, in Detroit, black people, we have what's called the Detroit proper. So if you talk to my cousins, it's like, well, how y'all doing today? How's everybody doing? God bless you. Amen. Amen. But in Houston, everyone's very country. And if you don't talk very country and you talk proper, you talk white. So I was getting the white girl. I liked anime. I wasn't wearing my hair like the other girls.

• 26:56Dax Shepard?

  You got Cambodian feet.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  I had Cambodian bouncy.

• 27:00Dax Shepard?

  You're talking white Cambodian feet.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Oh, my goodness. My interests were just different.

• 27:04Dax Shepard?

  Japanese interests.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Yes. And this was before liking anime was cool because now liking anime is just so.

• 27:10Dax Shepard?

  Standard.

• 27:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you, Pharrell. Pharrell made it cool, but like before that, it was like, why do you like that weird stuff? I didn't conform. I didn't shave my legs because my mom and my sister, they don't shave their legs. So I didn't learn how to shave my legs. And I still to this day don't really need to shave my legs. But the girls were like, your legs are hairy. Why don't you shave your legs? You're weird. And I'm like, why are y'all just finding anything to say about me? So most of my bullying was middle school. That was the brunt of it. But it was also the height of my delusion. So I didn't really notice because I was in a fantasy world.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Yes, me too.

• 27:42Speaker 02

  Like, I couldn't find my clothes after gym one day. And I was like, hmm, my clothes just disappeared. No, girl, they took your clothes and threw it on top of the locker so you wouldn't find it. So you'd be walking around in your gym clothes all day.

• 27:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you were saved by your obliviousness sometimes.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  That's the word. Because I'm oblivious to this day. I can't pick up on certain signals. I'll be like, wow, how did that get past me?

• 28:02Dax Shepard?

  That can be a blessing.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it might be.

• 28:04Dax Shepard?

  It can save you a lot of pain.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  It might be learned. It might not be something you just are. Your brain might be protecting you.

• 28:09Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you might also call it disassociation these days.

• 28:14Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 28:19Dax Shepard?

  We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether someone is actually waving at you before waving back. You saw the wave, you went big, and then they walked right past you to greet the person behind you. Yeah, checking first is an excellent plan. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We get support from our presenting sponsor, YouTube Premium. Now, you already know I'm a big YouTube person. It's incredible on its own, but Premium makes the whole experience feel enhanced.

• 29:02Dax Shepard?

  Like you don't realize how much better it can get until you try it. The biggest game changer for me, background play. I love long, two hour deep dives. You name it, motorcycles, travel cars.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Cooking shows for me.

• 29:17Dax Shepard?

  Cooking, listen, with Premium, you don't have to keep the screen open. So I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane wifi can be a gamble, so I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, Premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch, or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube Premium remembers exactly where I left off

• 29:59Dax Shepard?

  and lets me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So yeah, YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime. We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that, but they require opening a new tab,

• 30:43Dax Shepard?

  re-explaining everything from scratch every single time. A week later, it's just another thing collecting dust in the browser. Superhuman, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already embedded inside the tools people are using, email, docs, browser. It's not waiting to be found, it's already there, working alongside, clearing what's in the way. So the focus stays on what's actually worth doing. A thought partner that's already up to speed, no catching it up. It knows the style, the workflows, and it backs people up without getting in the way. At your service, not after your job. That's the difference. Give it a try for yourself. Start streamlining your workflows with Superhuman. Try today at superhuman.com.

• 31:26Dax Shepard?

  We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 31:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts, and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 32:11Dax Shepard?

  Right, and here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on, and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.

• 32:30Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  I would raise my hand in class, and I raised my hand a lot, to the point where like, the teacher would ignore me. I was the only one raising my hand. And I remember at one point when I would raise my hand in class, they would go, damn! And everyone would start laughing. I was like, oh, they're laughing with me. Like, I didn't think anyone was making fun of me. I kept raising my hand. So I did have a little bit of obliviousness with the teasing, but when I look back on it, I was like, oh no, it was really coming for me. On the other end of the spectrum, there was the very obvious, like, somebody called me fat ass every day. You know, it's like, what's up, fat ass? I had teachers kind of make fun of me too, because I had really sweaty hair, y'all.

• 33:19Dax Shepard?

  Well, Houston's a beat down.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  And I would sometimes have to walk to school in humidity, because I wasn't far. My brother and sister, my sister has very, very long curly, mind you, this is a weave, but really long curly Alicia Keys like hair, right? So she would always just wake up wet her hair and scrunch it in some mousse. My brother, very same, so he would just scrunch it with some mousse. I'm the last baby, so they would tell me to scrunch my hair with some mousse. It did not look like that. My hair's way more coarse, way more fine, way more kinky. I got like an actual Afro. So I would wake up in the morning, wet my hair and scrunch it with some mousse and look a hot ass mess.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  And I would put my hair in these little uncombed, wet ass ponytails. And I would go to school and be like, huh, this is so embarrassing. And I'm putting myself all the way out there. It was not matted.

• 34:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  But it would mildew.

• 34:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay, sure.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Because I was sweating my hair. And it was humid at school, and my hair was wet all day in the bun.

• 34:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no, it was in a bun. Was it so itchy?

• 34:21Speaker 02

  It wasn't itchy, but it was just a wet ass, mildewy ass bun.

• 34:25Dax Shepard?

  It was a wab, wet ass bun.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, bro, you got that.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  From the top, make it drop.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  But I had to like learn real quick in middle school, like, my hair's not like my brother and sisters. My hair's not like my mother and father's. My mom had really long hair touching her butt. My dad had a ponytail, Rico Suave. I'm the only one with an Afro. So I'm like, I have to learn how to jazz it up. And I did. I got my first weave the last day of eighth grade. And I remember I was walking through, and it was the last day of middle school, because we were going all to high school. And they were like, Melissa, Melissa! Like, everybody was gagged. I remember I had this little chocolate brown weave that I glued in myself, and my mom helped me glue it and flipped out the ends like this. I had the little Farrah Fawcett, and I was like, yes! And it was very sandy and greasy, like, what's up? And they were like, wow, she's actually pretty!

• 35:17Speaker 02

  Wow, she actually looks nice when she does her hair. And so I took that energy and went from Melissa to Lizzo.

• 35:23Dax Shepard?

  And so it's a big reset for high school.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:25Dax Shepard?

  You were shaving your legs, you had your hair right.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Yes, shaving my legs for no reason, by the way, just to fit in. Just to fit in.

• 35:32Dax Shepard?

  And we stopped binding our feet in high school?

• 35:33Speaker 02

  We stopped binding our feet. We started getting wider shoes. I think I switched from Air Forces to, what's the one, the strap? The Reebok Adidas? No, no, no. What's the one that, Fila's?

• 35:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Fila's.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  Because they had a little rounder situation. And I was like, I'm in the Fila's, like, y'all know nothing about this. Y'all know nothing about this.

• 35:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you were, you were bringing it back to Run DMC.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 35:56Dax Shepard?

  That's what they wore, Fila's.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  Is that what they wore? I thought it was my Adidas.

• 36:00Dax Shepard?

  They did have my.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, see, you're wrong. Look at you.

• 36:03Dax Shepard?

  No, hold on. They switched to Fila's. Anyways, in the fact check.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  We'll do that for the fact check.

• 36:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so you start playing the flute at 10 years old.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, fifth grade.

• 36:14Dax Shepard?

  Fifth grade, and you play all the way through to, you go to college. But even before that, at 14, you form the cornrow clique.

• 36:22Speaker 02

  Cornrow clique.

• 36:23Dax Shepard?

  How many of you, three?

• 36:24Speaker 02

  There was four of us.

• 36:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and you were rapping?

• 36:28Speaker 02

  I was rapping.

• 36:28Dax Shepard?

  So flute and rap happening simultaneously.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Flute first, rap second.

• 36:33Dax Shepard?

  And then you went to University of Houston.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  Go Cougs.

• 36:37Dax Shepard?

  To major in?

• 36:39Speaker 02

  Music, performance and flute.

• 36:40Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And you did, what, three years there?

• 36:43Speaker 02

  I did about one and a half years before I chickened out.

• 36:46Dax Shepard?

  It didn't correlate with your father dying?

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Um, hmm, yes, they were very close together, though. Yeah, no, it was same time.

• 36:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  Same time.

• 36:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. That would explain it to me.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  But it was like, I dropped out and then he passed around the same time. It was like a year before he passed, I dropped out.

• 37:05Dax Shepard?

  And what, can I ask what he died of?

• 37:07Speaker 02

  That's a great question, I don't know.

• 37:08Dax Shepard?

  How old was he?

• 37:10Speaker 02

  I think he was like 53.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, way too young.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  He was a baby. Like, when I think about it now, I'm like, oh my God.

• 37:14Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah, that's in five seconds.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  He had had strokes.

• 37:18Dax Shepard?

  Hypertension.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, he had hypertension, he had congestive heart failure. But like, was always trying to like manage that. And honestly, he was like doing better, and I was actually shocked.

• 37:28Dax Shepard?

  So it was quite sudden, you didn't have any sense that was coming? And were you guys close?

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, I would consider myself a daddy's girl.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  You dedicated the book to him.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  I did. He told me that I was going to be a great flute player before I even thought I would be a great flute. He was like super into the flute. And mind you, this is somebody who was very strict on his kids, because he wanted us all to be very successful. My brother, he was like, you have to do football. My brother's like 6'5", like in high school, and he was like, no, you're going to play football. And my sister, he's like, you're going to do this. And they kind of rebelled. My sister and my brother wanted to do more arts. My brother, he can draw, he's like super talented. And my sister is extremely talented in music and arts, and they wanted to do that. And I wanted to do this flute thing, which is music and arts. And I was like, sure, he wasn't going to fuck with it. But he was like, no, this is great, do this, do this, do this.

• 38:19Dax Shepard?

  And am I wrong, real quick? I can name like seven great jazz saxophone players. I can probably name like eight great trumpet players, even clarinet. I can't think of a real famous flutist, right?

• 38:32Speaker 02

  And you know, black people, we don't say Chris Martin, we say Coldplay. So he would always say, you gotta be like Jethro Tull.

• 38:38Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  But I didn't realize, I thought his name was Jethro Tull.

• 38:41Dax Shepard?

  It's just a band, yeah, that's common though.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  His name is Ian Anderson.

• 38:44Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  But my dad would always be like, you're gonna be like Jethro Tull. So yeah, I think that was a big part of it, cuz A, there was a huge gap for what I provided.

• 38:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I just realized why you're saying Jethro Tull, a heavy flute in Jethro Tull.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, the Ian Anderson. He's the flute player. Yeah, and my dad would be like, you're gonna be like Jethro Tull. I did not, I thought that was a black man, cuz Jethro is a black ass man.

• 39:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, especially down in Houston.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  So I said, oh, Jethro, I'm gonna be like Jethro, and I'm like, so I would always say that I just got a book of Ian Anderson flute solos. And I'm like, oh, that's his name, it's crazy. But like, that was our only kind of contemporary flute person that start that we knew of. Cuz everything else, there was the classical side that I was super into, like Sir James Galway is my hero. So there was that side, but you think about Yo-Yo Ma, besides Sir James, where is the Yo-Yo Ma of flute now? Where you're going on late night shows and shit.

• 39:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, I can't think of a super famous flute, flutist. Is it flautist, flutist?

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Yo, my whole life, I grew up, it was flautist.

• 39:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Literally recently, I'm telling you, right after college, it was like, it's actually flutist? I think that's a Mandela effect. I think it's switched from flautist to flutist.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Because I remember us being like, no, no, no, it's flautist, correcting people, and now it's flutist.

• 40:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay, tomato, tomato, flautist, flutist.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Flautist sounds better, it sounds more fancy.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  I'm gonna say I'm a flautist.

• 40:10Dax Shepard?

  Like flaunting, too, it like shares some DNA with flaunting.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  There's a little magic.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  But if I'm around, if I was in a group of flute players, I would say flutist. Cuz I would be afraid to be looked down upon.

• 40:20Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  Okay, well, they need to look up to you.

• 40:22Dax Shepard?

  But yes, but then talking to the layperson, you might say flautist.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, a muggle, yeah.

• 40:27Dax Shepard?

  A muggle, yeah.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  A muggle like us.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  A non-music reading individual, yeah.

• 40:32Dax Shepard?

  Well, that Harry Potter punched through everything, didn't it?

• 40:34Speaker 01

  God, it got me, I just love, it's universal.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  What happened? Oh, just my reference?

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:40Dax Shepard?

  Like, I think if you're y'all's age, you love Harry Potter, it had no borders.

• 40:44Speaker 02

  Someone asked me recently, why do you like Harry Potter so much? But it was such a young person asking a millennial, and I was like, oh, my God, this is like a moniker of what our generation.

• 40:54Dax Shepard?

  What was your answer? Cuz it's to me quite obvious.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Oh, he did ask me, because we went to the Harry Potter Universal Studios, we were eating the Harry Potter food. And I was like, well, because I read the books. And I was like, and I was present when the movies were coming out, and it was like a really big deal. And he was like, so when did the books come out? And he was looking up the year, and I was like, don't look up the year, cuz he wasn't even born yet.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  He was like, 1997, I was like, don't look at that.

• 41:19Dax Shepard?

  Or does my kid say the 1900s?

• 41:21Speaker 02

  No, literally, I was like, no, it was like 2005, like, that's when the last book, I was in line for the last book.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  I was also in line.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  At the Barnes and Nobles?

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Yes, or like, sometimes you preorder, but you have to get in line. But I think part of it is cuz our generation, we were their age.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Give or take a couple of years, but the main characters were our age, so we were growing up with them.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:44Dax Shepard?

  Y'all, the reason it was so successful is the same reason that you love Good Will Hunting. Any story about someone who's normal and average and finds out they're incredibly special is the most wish fulfillment-y story.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  They're downtrodden, right? It's like, it's worse than, yeah.

• 42:02Dax Shepard?

  He's getting shit on by that terrible family he lives with, and then you find out, no, I am special. I kinda had a hunch I was special, and we all feel that way. We all think like, I think I'm special, why doesn't anyone see it? So this book is about someone seeing how special you are, and then getting to go with the other special folks. And we also wanna find our tribe, so it's like, it's also.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  And magic.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  I feel like every story has that, it's a Cinderella story.

• 42:26Dax Shepard?

  But I don't think, you know, I think you could go, it's the magic, but that's just the fun stuff. But the real human stuff is like, hey, I'm really special, why doesn't anyone see that?

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Like, if you wanna successful children's stories, start with child who doesn't feel special. Give them purpose, make them feel special, and then add your own magic to it. I think that's the true story of childhood and growing up.

• 42:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and by the way, we all deserve to feel special and be seen as special, but it doesn't happen.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  And the more relatable your hero is, the more you can see yourself in it. And that's why I wrote Little Isle Me Sasha Be Fluting.

• 43:04Dax Shepard?

  Yes, even the kids we thought didn't feel that way felt that way.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:08Dax Shepard?

  You know, even the kids that were in the cool clique, there were four kids cooler than them, and they couldn't figure out why it was, you know? It's kind of a universal human. We all just think everyone knows what's going on, feels like they've got it figured out, but no one does.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Those kids, like the cool kids, who are fortunate to be cool and feel special at that age. I think eventually, though, they have to learn how to find their special, that's not external validation.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  And, oh, cuz you're so hot, or cuz you're just so effortlessly cool, or you're just the guy. They have to figure that out later in life. I was a nerd, so I didn't have that, the reverse, but.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that can be harder in some ways, when you've lived a whole life with other people telling you something, and then you're like, who am I?

• 43:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so back to college, was there a specific thing that had you leave?

• 43:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, pressure, college was wow. When you are a music major, you gotta wake up at the ass crack of dawn, and you're actually extremely independent. You wake up at the ass crack of dawn, you all have like a big recital that you have to complete midterm and at the end of the year. And so every day, you have to log hours in the rehearsal room, which is this scary little room by yourself. Cuz there's all these rehearsal rooms, but they're pretty thick because.

• 44:21Dax Shepard?

  They're like phone booths.

• 44:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz you don't wanna bleed the sound, everyone's rehearsing. So I'm in this room, in this old ass building, which I know was haunted. I hate ISO booths now, when I record music, like, I don't go into the booth.

• 44:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  Like, I record in the control room with everyone else with the microphone.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  You have like PTSD.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, because when I go in those little rooms, I'm like, ah, so I'm just realizing that's what that's from.

• 44:42Dax Shepard?

  You weren't even pumped about the size of this room.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  Too small.

• 44:46Dax Shepard?

  You commented.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  I'm cool.

• 44:47Dax Shepard?

  You like a big space.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  No, she said the church was this size.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  She likes that.

• 44:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay, it wasn't a pejorative.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  It's not the size.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  He's in.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  It's what you guys have done with it, and I think you've done a great job. The hidden cameras are a nice touch.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  Meta ain't got nothing on y'all. Yes, anyways, you're waking up, you're hitting the marching band field at like seven in the morning, it's one band, one sound. Then you break, and then you have to go, and you gotta find a practice room, you gotta log hours, you gotta rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Then you have to go to like regular fucking school, and that's the part that really pissed me off. Because I felt like I was in fame, and I was like, I'm waking up, and I'm doing music, this is the thing, I'm an independent woman. And then you have to like go to math and English, and I'm like, why the fuck am I doing this again?

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  I did this for 18 years.

• 45:31Dax Shepard?

  You needed to go to a conservatory.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  That was the plan, after U of H, I was gonna go to the Paris Conservatory, cuz that's all I wanted to do. And I was kinda getting exhausted of that, because then it was like, of course, the conservatoire was great. But then, I'm also a jazzy black girl with friends, who I went to college with, close friends. And so there was parties, and I was rapping with them, and I was in a rap crew, the nightlife, and then waking up at seven in the morning. And it was like wanting to be in a sorority, and then waking up at seven in the morning. I felt like I was getting pulled, and I was really, really stressed out about it. It was really stressful to me, that was like one of the hardest times in my life, I feel like I just kinda gave up.

• 46:09Dax Shepard?

  And then, so you had the shame of quitting, probably, right?

• 46:11Speaker 01

  Did you have regrets about that, or no?

• 46:13Speaker 02

  No.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Good.

• 46:14Dax Shepard?

  Well, it worked out.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  It worked out.

• 46:16Dax Shepard?

  But I bet for a year, it didn't feel like.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  For a few years.

• 46:18Dax Shepard?

  I just, yeah, gave away my one shot at making a living at this.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Yes, for a few years, because if I had had any other kind of degree, if I was pursuing like a doctor, or nursing, or teaching. Maybe to this day, I'd have regrets, cuz I'm like, it'd be nice to have that. But I was pursuing music performance and flute, and now I'm performing music and flute. So I really honestly think I deserve my doctorate.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. I'm sure if you give this speech, they'll give it to you.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  I played with the National Symphony Orchestra last month.

• 46:49Dax Shepard?

  Have they not invited you to give a commencement speech?

• 46:52Speaker 02

  I would love to do that.

• 46:53Dax Shepard?

  University of Houston, get your shit together.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:56Dax Shepard?

  Uh, duh, get her down there.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Rock Vice.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Honorary doctorate.

• 46:59Dax Shepard?

  Give her a doctorate degree. Okay, why Minneapolis? Like, if I'm you, and I'm thinking about moving somewhere to pursue music. I guess I'm probably thinking LA, New York, Atlanta.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 47:11Dax Shepard?

  Outside of Prince, why are we going to Minneapolis?

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Which I wasn't even aware of. I didn't know he lived there. It's a really funny story. I was in the indie side of things. So I wasn't on the industry. Like, if I wanted to be an industry girl, maybe I would have moved to New York or LA. But I was in a rock band at that time. And I had been going back and forth with this producer via Zoom. And I was like writing with him and he lived in Denver. And I was still in this rock band. And I was like, man, working with this guy is pretty cool. And he was like, hey, I'm gonna move to Minneapolis. And he was like, you wanna come with me and be in my band? I was like, Minneapolis? I didn't really think anything of Minneapolis back then as far as like music, cuz I was in my own Houston bubble. I went to South by Southwest that year, which is a music festival in Austin, Texas.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  And every fucking person I met was from Minneapolis.

• 48:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 48:02Speaker 02

  Every band that performed, every rapper, I was like, where are you from? And they're like, Minneapolis. And I would like link up with them and we'd run around and party and have like the best time. And they were like boofing vodka up their ass and like eating molly off the floor. Like, it was just crazy time. I was like sleeping in my car and then they all like slept in the car with me cuz that was the only place. We didn't have a hotel room. I was like, these people are fun. And I was like, you know what? I will move to Minneapolis. Cuz I had already made a bunch of friends at this festival. And I was like, I'll just link up with them when I get to the Twin Cities. And I did. And I still had my hesitation. And then I played a show there and it was like our first show. Oh, my God, The Varsity Club. We played The Varsity Club. Anyone who knows Minneapolis knows.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  And I remember I performed and afterwards, someone came up to me. It was a girl. And I remember she was like, do you live here? And I was like, no. And she was like, you need to live here. We need someone like you.

• 48:55Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  And I was like, easy.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  And I was like, you don't gotta tell me twice. I was like, wow, I felt so appreciated and loved in that community. But, you know, they love on their artists. They love on their local artists. They have such a rich local music scene, especially when I was there. I felt like there was something in the lake water, man. There was rhymers, so there was Atmosphere and Doomtree. And you could sell out every venue in the city with just local acts all in one night. And we would like bike and run over to the different venue. I don't know what it is about the Twin Cities, but it's not just the music scene. It's the restaurant culture too. The mom and pop shops, the family-owned restaurants. There's so much love and support in that way.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  It seems like it's kinder than some of these other big cities.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's got like a Portland kind of feel where like they really just give into community. I think it's super, super community-based. There's nothing like it.

• 49:54Dax Shepard?

  So you got big there. You got big, like you had songs

• 49:59Speaker 02

  I was so confused by that.

• 50:00Dax Shepard?

  That were big there and they wrote about you there. And you kinda were a queen there. I feel like that's a great place to learn how to do all this.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  I felt very appreciated. I also feel like I was an anomaly because I was this black girl raised in Kojic Church who could freestyle rap like a Houstonian or like Mike Jones. And I was up in the Twin Cities, just this anomaly of a person. But I could also jam in rock bands and I played the flute. And they were just like, who the fuck are you? Like, you're so weird. And I was in like 12 bands. You know, I played flute with my friend who was a rapper. I was in this noise band. I was in two girl groups. I was in an electro-pop band. I was in so many bands, y'all. And I would pop up on stage and collaborate with the other rappers. I was doing anything for free.

• 50:50Dax Shepard?

  How did you end up recording with Prince?

• 50:53Speaker 02

  I was on my second girl group. That was fun. Those were the days. But our group was featured in a documentary that was on NPR, The Current. And they were highlighting girl groups. And so it was us and then Prince also had a girl group, Third Eye Girl. And so we were all in this documentary. And then I remember we got a call from the radio station. It was just like, hey, somebody wants to work with you. We were like, who? The rest was history.

• 51:19Dax Shepard?

  Wait, so Prince is using the radio station to book his stuff?

• 51:22Speaker 02

  That's how he found us. By the way, The Current is an incredible station. It's the NPR station there and just beloved. When you heard your song on The Current for the first time, it was a big deal. Like, we would pull up and we were all in the car together. And the first time they played our song, we turned the volume up and we were like screaming.

• 51:41Dax Shepard?

  It's like being on Morning Becomes Eclectic back in the day.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 51:45Dax Shepard?

  That was the LA NPR, Morning Becomes Eclectic. The Garden State soundtrack was the current running soundtrack of Morning Becomes Eclectic when that movie came out. And the guy who would curate all those songs has now done a lot of music supervision in shows and movies. Cuz he says impeccable taste and it was where you would go discover the coolest new bands that would become these huge bands. So I'm imagining it's the same thing as The Current.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  Wait.

• 52:11Dax Shepard?

  You're knowing it now?

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Hold on. You're Garden State? Am I tripping?

• 52:16Dax Shepard?

  No, but people think I am.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  I literally I literally almost passed out.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Wait, this is hilarious.

• 52:23Dax Shepard?

  No, my doppelganger is Zach Braff.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  Zach Braff is Garden State.

• 52:26Dax Shepard?

  I am not Zach Braff.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  I was, my brain was sliding through.

• 52:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you started getting scared like, cuz I got the wrong guy.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Podcast have I been on this entire time?

• 52:35Dax Shepard?

  No, this is great.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  This happens all the

• 52:36Dax Shepard?

  He gets asked to take pictures all the time as me and vice versa and we just do it.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  And y'all's names have this

• 52:43Dax Shepard?

  Zach, Dak, yeah. White boys with big noses.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Rad ass names. That just really fucked me up. Don't do that again.

• 52:51Dax Shepard?

  You zapped out, yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  Don't do that again.

• 52:53Dax Shepard?

  Anyways, have you seen Scrubs?

• 52:57Dax Shepard?

  Let's change subjects. Have you seen Scrubs? Look at how she's really fucking confusing. That's Zach Braff. I'm parenthood and without a paddle.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  He's punked.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  No, I know who you are, but for a second I thought I didn't. I said, oh, shit.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  That was confusing.

• 53:13Speaker 02

  No, you fucked me over intentionally. All right, rewind.

• 53:18Dax Shepard?

  That was wonderful.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  You asked. You didn't say like, oh, yeah, I love your movie Garden State.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  I can't cap in my rap. If you re-watch this tape, you will see.

• 53:27Dax Shepard?

  No, the look on your face was very genuine. You got really scared about time-space. You were like, where am I in the universe right now?

• 53:33Speaker 01

  The continuum broke down.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Holy shit. Okay.

• 53:39Dax Shepard?

  Anyways, we're back though, Scrubs. I don't know. Check it out. It's a new season. Yeah, we brought it back. Anywho.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  Stop.

• 53:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay. 2013, first solo album, Lizzo Bangers. This is the one that got really big in Minneapolis in particular, right?

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Yes, I was able to sell out First Avenue. And the song Batches and Cookies, that one was getting played on like BBC Radio.

• 54:02Dax Shepard?

  This whole Minneapolis chapter is really fucking cool. Cuz I don't know if you went to New York, if you would have gotten all this encouragement and like started fortifying your confidence. Or if you'd gone to LA, if you'd gone to Atlanta. Like, I think there's a special accident that happened that you go to South by, you end up there and then you're loved there. And you kinda learn to be loved. You gotta learn to be loved, no?

• 54:22Speaker 02

  You do have to learn to be loved. And I also feel like I never felt like I really belonged anywhere fully as an artist. Because when I was in my rap cruise, I was still writing pop music. And then I also was listening to rock. And then when I was in my rock band, I still wanted to shake ass and freestyle rap. And then gospel music don't let you do none of that. And flute really don't let you do none of that. And then I got to Minneapolis and for some odd reason, all of it was okay.

• 54:52Dax Shepard?

  Prince is the fingerprint of the city. And Prince is doing crazy guitar solos on an R&B song in the 80s. He's going to a Bob Seger concert and going, why is that guy in arenas? Oh, he does ballads. I'm gonna do ballads. He's a neat, you know, amalgam of all these things. And so I think the vibe is like very embracing of something that's a little left of center or avant-garde. So it's like a beautiful place for you to learn to do this.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Like Weird was okay.

• 55:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, right, right.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  And I was like, oh, my God, it's okay to be weird. I would say that all the time. I just feel like Minneapolis, the people there are so supportive of black people. I just felt loved and appreciated for who I was and I wasn't called white girl. I was actually the blackest person in the room at that. Who you kinda country like me? This white girl? I'm country? I'm hood? Oh, wow, that's a first for me. That's a first for Elmo, so. But yeah, no, I loved my time. It was magical.

• 55:47Dax Shepard?

  At that time, when you were kind of a big thing in Minneapolis, did you ever think like, yeah, this is good? Like, this would be enough?

• 55:54Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 55:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Like, you made it.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  Making it, I hate to be that person who's like, yeah, no, not actually making it. I hate those people. But I have to be very clear about when you're a big deal in Minneapolis. It's not cloudy or fame-like. Literally, it's like, oh, I could play this show and I can pay my bills really well. I can tour and make money and I can give money to my mom. I can help my people out. And if my people need to come stay with me, they can come stay with me. And I can eat wherever I want in the nicest restaurants in Minneapolis.

• 56:31Dax Shepard?

  No, that's it. Boom.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  I can fly wherever I want, on a nice flight, you're a nice virgin, first class sometimes. It was really that.

• 56:38Dax Shepard?

  Did you have a nice car then? Do you care about cars?

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Hold on, give me a second. I did not drive for a long time. How the fuck did I get around? How the fuck did I get around in Minneapolis?

• 56:50Speaker 01

  Do they have buses or a train?

• 56:52Speaker 02

  I dead-ass can't believe, I'm sitting back and realizing I don't know how I got around. Because I stopped driving because I had a little

• 56:59Dax Shepard?

  Little DUI sitch?

• 57:00Speaker 02

  My license, well, not DUI.

• 57:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay, sorry. That's a very common reason to lose your license. Forgive me.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  I've never known DUI, nothing like that. But you know, Houston HPD, they like to fuck with me. And my license was basically hot for like a decade. My license got unhot when I moved to LA finally. I say, can we figure this out?

• 57:20Dax Shepard?

  You're like, let me hire a lawyer to figure this out.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  Yo, so I go to the DMV. I'm scared to go to the DMV. I don't know if that's an experience for y'all, but I have a fear that if I go to the DMV, I'm going to get arrested and put into prison. Because I know that can happen to people. That's how you get got. Or they'll be like, hey, everything's fine. You mind just stepping out of the vehicle for a second? Everything's fine.

• 57:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  Fucking So anyway, shit was hot for a while, so boom, right? I'm like, okay, finally have enough money to pay off whatever this weird thing is why I can't get my license, was holding my license up. I pay it off. My shit's still hot. I was like, chest out, about to finally get a license. I walk up to that bitch, she's like, oh, no, sorry, you can't get one. Mind you, I'm scared. I'm like, I'm thinking the cops about to fly out.

• 58:03Dax Shepard?

  US Marshals?

• 58:04Speaker 02

  They're like, no, you just can't. So there were two Melissa Jeffersons.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  Two driver's licenses out there with my face and my name and they both had a record.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 58:17Dax Shepard?

  Somebody got your ID and started having a good time on the highway.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  I, to this day, don't know.

• 58:23Dax Shepard?

  Guess what?

• 58:25Speaker 01

  It's him.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  It was you, huh?

• 58:26Dax Shepard?

  I lost my license three times. I had to do something.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  Oh my god, imagine the gag.

• 58:33Speaker 02

  But, so, I finally paid that one off and now I can drive. So I did not have a car, I did not drive in Minneapolis. I rode in the back of people's cars. You know what, Minneapolis, I love you so much. I rode in the backseat of people's cars. I slept on people's couches. I slept on people's floors and futons and guest rooms. I ate meals that y'all cooked. I ate free poutine for playing shows, drank free beer for playing shows. That city really did take care of me.

• 58:59Dax Shepard?

  Pabst Blue Ribbon?

• 59:00Speaker 02

  PBR.

• 59:01Dax Shepard?

  Huge in the north.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  PBR.

• 59:03Dax Shepard?

  That's right.

• 59:03Speaker 01

  It's in the south too.

• 59:04Dax Shepard?

  Is it?

• 59:05Speaker 01

  I think it's just big.

• 59:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, when you're driving, I've driven a motorcycle across the northern part of the country and when you're going through Wisconsin, people can have a bar in their house, like the liquor license is very weird and everyone has a Pabst Blue Ribbon sign hanging off their porch.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, they love that shit.

• 59:18Dax Shepard?

  And in Minnesota, we get a bit of that too.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  You do get a little bit of PBR, right?

• 59:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  And then there's Tecate down south, Tecate, Lone Star, beer, right?

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Beer, I know.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  I don't think people fucking with beer no more.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  In the south, they're still, they're going to breweries and stuff. I was just there.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  You was at a brewery? I was about to say, something wrong with people who go to breweries, but I don't want to judge. I don't mean to judge, but.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  You don't need to judge.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  It's like, why do you want to taste nasty after nasty after nasty?

• 59:44Speaker 01

  I don't like beer, but my friends still like it, who are there.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  Like carbonated piss.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  It doesn't taste good.

• 59:50Dax Shepard?

  We're having our first dust-up, because you're wrong. Beer's delicious. It's been with us for millennia.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  He does have a beer company.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  So has shit, like, nasty things have been around for a long time.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  That's a fair.

• 1:00:03Dax Shepard?

  I don't know, that's a good con, but.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But beer's delicious is a crazy statement.

• 1:00:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  Beer's never been delicious. The only time beer's delicious is a crispy, fucking crunchy blue moon with some orange juice.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  I do like blue moon.

• 1:00:17Dax Shepard?

  So I guess you do like it.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  With orange juice.

• 1:00:19Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm, okay.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  You gotta sweeten it up a little bit.

• 1:00:21Dax Shepard?

  Orange slice will suffice?

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  I will squeeze the orange peel and then dump a bunch.

• 1:00:26Dax Shepard?

  But you don't actually need Tropicana dumped in there. You just want the orange slice.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  But I need that orange flavor.

• 1:00:30Dax Shepard?

  You want a little citrus pop?

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  I can do that. I could do a little citrus pop, a little sweetness.

• 1:00:34Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  A little sweetness. They call it a Colorado mimosa.

• 1:00:37Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's what it is. Okay, and you'll fuck with that.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  I'll fuck with that.

• 1:00:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, okay, good. I want to talk about something important.

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  Okay, okay, come on.

• 1:00:43Dax Shepard?

  So in 2014, in the wake of Lizzo Bangers, which was like very well reviewed and you're kind of really getting some traction and some momentum, you do this interview for Style Like You's What's Underneath?

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah.

• 1:00:57Dax Shepard?

  And in this interview, while talking about your body, you start taking your clothes off, which then leads to my skin. And I do wonder, when you look back on your life, don't you think of some of these decisions that kind of came out of nowhere, literally put you on a trajectory and then you wonder like, wow, if I hadn't done that magazine, maybe I end up there, but how much longer or how much later would it have been?

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  I have a very auspicious life. I think tourists is due though. I think we are like the Forrest Gump of the Zodiac.

• 1:01:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  But like, I think about all these things, because I just taught a self-love class on Twitch and somebody asked me, how did you learn all this shit about self-love? And I was like, my heart was broken in a million pieces and I just started desperately clinging to books and crystals and candles and prayer and then I discovered self-love in my desperation to love people without conditions. And then I started writing all these songs about self-love and now I'm the self-love guru and now I'm teaching this self-love class on Twitch. It was like this weird full circle thing where like when I go back to 2016 clutching a fucking rose quartz and a black tourmaline in my apartment that's about as big as this space, I love using this space as a.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  I would have never imagined the life that I have now or needing that moment to have the life that I have now. It felt so impassing or not important, just like the Style Like You. When I got that interview, I didn't even realize, I was underprepared for the interview because I didn't know what it was. That's when I was just doing press and I was just doing shit. I was like, all right, whatever. I was kind of rolling up hungover to things, not in like a dark kind of way, but I would party a lot. And I'll be like, what, what are we doing today? What are we talking about today? And they're like, you know, you have to remove articles of clothing. I was like, I don't have that many pieces of clothing I want to remove.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  That's part of the interview?

• 1:02:48Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, took off my wig. Yeah, it's part of the interview.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  So it's called What's Underneath? So you're slowly taking things off and they ask you questions. So a lot of people come with layers on.

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:02:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  Because they're prepared.

• 1:02:58Dax Shepard?

  The people that know where they're going come in layers.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  Not me.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  I'm over there, I literally had to take my wig off because I had nothing else to take off.

• 1:03:04Dax Shepard?

  I'm boring you with these Anderson Paak stories, but another Anderson Paak thing that's crazy is he thought of the idea of I want to play Tiny Desk.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  You want to fuck Anderson Paak, don't you?

• 1:03:12Dax Shepard?

  So bad.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  He really does.

• 1:03:13Dax Shepard?

  Dude, I think he is Prince. I think he's our Prince.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  No, he's fire.

• 1:03:16Dax Shepard?

  He is unreal. That smile?

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  I know, a million watts.

• 1:03:21Dax Shepard?

  It's intoxicating. He can't not smile. He said he can't get his teeth in his mouth.

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:03:27Dax Shepard?

  Like, he is a permanent smile.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  I know, right?

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Because you know you can trick yourself into being happy.

• 1:03:31Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, and he's done it. But he had the idea of I want to do Tiny Desk and then he got fucked up and he woke up in New York and he's hungover and he doesn't want to go, he tries to get out of it and they basically force him to do it. And as you know, that's the biggest Tiny Desk ever and then to find him, people are like, oh, he plays the drums and sings.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 1:03:48Dax Shepard?

  So yeah, it's that same weird thing where it's like you almost missed it.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  My Tiny Desk is also very underrated.

• 1:03:54Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  So anyone listening, just go check that out.

• 1:03:57Dax Shepard?

  University of Houston, get her to do the commencement speech. Uh, go watch Tiny Desk. Uh, watch Scrubs, new season out now.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  There's a new season, for real?

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Dax Shepard?

  For real, they relaunched it and it's actually really good, yeah.

• 1:04:13Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

• 1:04:19Dax Shepard?

  We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving.

• 1:05:01Dax Shepard?

  Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space or hard relationship moment or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  You know, I love therapy more than anything. Gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about and then I'll go and I have some major revelation.

• 1:05:57Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it and I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds once it's out into the world. You gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 1:06:13Dax Shepard?

  If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com/dax to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity

• 1:06:58Dax Shepard?

  to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off. Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it or if you or someone

• 1:07:16Speaker 05

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• 1:07:55Speaker 05

  milligram tablets. Learn more at foundale.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about foundale.

• 1:08:04Dax Shepard?

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours. But at some point, you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go

• 1:08:45Dax Shepard?

  from I've been working on this to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com/dax for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:09:15Dax Shepard?

  Why isn't Big Girl Small World on Spotify or Apple?

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:09:19Dax Shepard?

  I was trying to listen to that today and I couldn't find it.

• 1:09:21Speaker 02

  Every time I get on live, somebody go, I want to listen to Humanize. I want to listen to Humanize. Humanize is a music video that's online that's from that album. So you can listen to that. It's very Bjork. Well, me trying to be Bjork. If you want to know the unsexy answer. Oh my God, this is, I'm, who fucking cares? It's over now. I already won the Grammys. So to be eligible for the Grammys, I had to take down previous works.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Oh, why?

• 1:09:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, cuz.

• 1:09:50Speaker 02

  Because best new artist.

• 1:09:51Dax Shepard?

  Best new.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  You could only have a certain amount of submissions or whatever, or not even submissions, but bodies of work out. Because I never submitted for the Grammys before that, but bodies of work. And I had so many bodies of work out that they were counting them as albums, or I don't even know if it was albums, just like songs out in the world. So I had to take down a shit ton of songs to be eligible for best new artist.

• 1:10:12Dax Shepard?

  If you then put them back up, they what? Take it back?

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  I didn't even win it. So I'm good. You know, I think Billie Eilish won, actually, which much deserved because I had been out for like a thousand years. But I say all that to say, I changed the rules. Because now the Grammys came out and said, hey, now you can have X amount. It doesn't matter. You have to only have a certain amount of like, well-known pieces to be eligible for best new artists. So that's why Apple gave me the rule breaker award. Because that's not the only rule I broke. Songs that came out three years ago, never went number one on the Billboard charts. Like, that just was unheard of.

• 1:10:50Dax Shepard?

  I was telling Monica that. Good as hell?

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  No, it was Truth Hurts.

• 1:10:53Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Truth Hurts.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  Good as hell as well.

• 1:10:55Dax Shepard?

  That had been out for a minute.

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  That came out in 2017.

• 1:10:58Dax Shepard?

  And I said to Monica, can you imagine having Good as Hell? And for a couple of years, you're like, I don't know, why isn't this fucking song? And then it comes out on another album and all of a sudden it is fucking to the stratosphere.

• 1:11:08Speaker 02

  It was like top 10 Billboard. Truth Hurts, number one Billboard.

• 1:11:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What is that like to have those songs that you must feel in your soul are worthy of that? Later confirmed, but in the period before it's confirmed, are you going like, well, y'all, I don't know what else to do?

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  Well, here's the gag. Well, first off, one thing about me, I don't care if I flop, or have the biggest song in the world. I'm a songwriter and a performer, so I'm always going to be okay. There's more where that comes from. I'm like, I'll write one. I got something in me. And I do think that there's a sort of scarcity mindset with a lot of people because they're given songs. And when you're not hot anymore and you flop, they won't give you the hot songs anymore. So you're in trouble. But because I'm a songwriter and all these songs I wrote myself, I know that all I have to do is keep going and being myself. You know, so back then, when it happened, I wasn't thinking like, why isn't this number one? Why isn't, I was like, one's

• 1:12:06Speaker 02

  the next. I was honestly, first off, I thought Where the Hell My Phone was going to change my life. When I wrote Where the Hell My Phone, I was like, y'all, I'm scared.

• 1:12:14Dax Shepard?

  Buckle up.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  Y'all?

• 1:12:15Dax Shepard?

  Scared.

• 1:12:16Speaker 02

  Nicki Minaj?

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  You're like, everyone needs to get a hold of my ego. Okay, everyone pay attention, keep me in check.

• 1:12:23Speaker 02

  I thought that I was about to be the hottest shit in the world. So we go into the big leagues. No, nothing happened to this day with that song. You know, Good as Hell, Truth Hurts, I loved them. I believed in them. I thought they were incredible. But I'd never known any greater success than they had hit. So I just kept moving forward.

• 1:12:43Dax Shepard?

  They were all step ups anyways.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, Truth Hurts was devastating for a lot of reasons. So Truth Hurts was devastating because I was like, yo, this song is actually really good. I love this video. And I felt like a lot of people went dark on me who was supposed to support me at that time. And it kind of broke me down. And I was like, oh, I quit music. And then they were like, hey, don't do that. And I was like, all right, I'm just gonna make music and just talk to my fans and not worry about nobody else. Not worry about no Grammys, no number ones, nothing bigger than what I got.

• 1:13:09Dax Shepard?

  I think that's actually incredibly good advice for anyone that's artistic to hear. I had two different people that helped me. One time I had written a sketch while I was doing sketch comedy at the Groundlings. And then I saw almost the identical sketch on Saturday Night Live. And some of the folks that were at the show were writers on Saturday Night Live. And so I got all spun out. You know, I'm living in a fucking one bedroom apartment. I've not made any money.

• 1:13:32Speaker 02

  About the size of this room.

• 1:13:34Dax Shepard?

  It's a big deal to me. And I remember talking to someone kind of higher up than me at the Groundlings and saying like, dude, oh, fuck. And this person said, if you think that's the only great sketch you're gonna write, then you should go get a lawyer and sue. If you think you are an endless well of great sketches, then keep it moving. And I heard that somehow. I don't know how. I'm pretty bullheaded. But I heard that. And yeah, I think it's just like, if you're an artist, just keep fucking, be a volcano, man.

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. And now you look at the biggest artists in the world are people who have been out for a long time, putting out music consistently for years, and not getting the appreciation they deserve. And then all of a sudden, one day, just popping the fuck off. You know, thank you to the internet. Thank you to TikTok. Thank you to the fans who like, consume it. So just keep fucking going. Use it. Oh, my God, I use so much emotion. I use anger.

• 1:14:25Dax Shepard?

  I can't wait to hear the song that comes out of this interview. I'm so excited.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  All the anger. I thought he was Zach Braff. Dax, Zach, the tension between those Zachs.

• 1:14:38Dax Shepard?

  The song should be called Zax. Zaxophone.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  The Axe.

• 1:14:42Speaker 02

  The Axe.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Dax and Zach.

• 1:14:44Dax Shepard?

  The Axe is.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  It's a little on the nose?

• 1:14:47Dax Shepard?

  It's, it's a little clunky. It's more, it's more clunky.

• 1:14:51Speaker 02

  There's no nose. There's no face.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  I can't do it.

• 1:14:56Dax Shepard?

  You signed in 16 to Atlantic. Good as hell comes out. 2019, you're in Ugly Dolls, and you're in Hustlers. Also, first movie you're in makes $160 million. It's crazy. It doesn't happen to anybody.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  Wait, really?

• 1:15:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:08Speaker 02

  It made 160 million dollars?

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  It was a big movie.

• 1:15:11Speaker 02

  You know, guys, I've never really, I never really.

• 1:15:14Dax Shepard?

  Because it's not your thing. You weren't setting out to be an actor. If your life was acting, you would damn well know.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  I didn't really appreciate the music shit either, bro. Like.

• 1:15:22Dax Shepard?

  Oh, really?

• 1:15:22Speaker 02

  I was performing at the AMAs and stuff, and I was just kind of breezing through everything.

• 1:15:26Dax Shepard?

  Because of this obliviousness? Or as a self-protection?

• 1:15:30Speaker 02

  It might be a combination of both. I really didn't smell the roses a lot. I just started appreciating and smelling the roses lately. But for the most part, I'm like, I had all that going for me. I didn't even realize.

• 1:15:42Dax Shepard?

  Do you feel like you missed it?

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  I did miss that. Because that particular part of my career is never going to happen again.

• 1:15:48Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  The discovery and the rise, that's never going to happen again.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  And it's scarier to be the person who's already famous and built in, because there's one way to go. People want to bring you down.

• 1:15:58Speaker 02

  Oh, but it already happened. I survived that part.

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:02Speaker 02

  It's Phoenix time. And then once you're Phoenix, you're good.

• 1:16:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. You gotta, you gotta take, yeah, you take the big beat down. And then if you Phoenix it, then you're kind of impenetrable.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  Oh, but I now feel like a mama bear for other artists. I see when they like, start blowing up. I'm like, oh, my gosh, it's coming. Oh, no, I hope they survive. I hope they make it.

• 1:16:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. At the peak of that, once you start touring, in 2022 was special. You've hosted SNL now. It's like, you're really at that peak, kind of. Everyone in the world is singing to you, dancing to you, watching you on TV.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Didn't even really realize it.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  Bowing down to you, really. I mean, that's what was happening, you know? I know, that's too much. You're not a god.

• 1:16:41Speaker 02

  Uncomfy.

• 1:16:42Dax Shepard?

  I want to know how you do on those tours that are really, really long. Of course, we watch The Doc, love The Doc. Do you get lonely? Are there waves? Are you happy, then you're sad?

• 1:16:52Speaker 02

  How do I describe this? Being on stage in front of 20,000 people who came to see you, who love you very intensely.

• 1:17:01Dax Shepard?

  Who got babysitters to see you, who's got money they don't have to see you.

• 1:17:05Speaker 02

  Don't even get me started on that part. Like, the sacrifice and.

• 1:17:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you know.

• 1:17:09Speaker 02

  But the energy that they're giving you, imagine every person you love.

• 1:17:17Speaker 02

  All in one room screaming, affirming you and I love you. It is the most incredible feeling. And then you're not up there doing something you don't like. I'm up there singing songs that make me feel good and I love my music.

• 1:17:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  So we're doing this together and it's this incredible high and there's these lights. And then you go and you sit afterwards, there's a massive come down, just chemically.

• 1:17:47Dax Shepard?

  I think this is why so many performers are addicts because the only way to sustain that moment on stage, once you're alone back in your room, is to get fucked up.

• 1:17:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:57Dax Shepard?

  I'm not calling you an addict, but I'm saying I think that's why so many are addicts.

• 1:18:00Speaker 02

  I probably had an addiction to food or something.

• 1:18:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you're gonna have something you regulate with.

• 1:18:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then I would just get very moody and like sad until it was time to get back on stage again. And then it was awesome, but I love touring, like I love performing. And now I'm a way more balanced person that touring for that long, you're kind of raggedy. Like I was pretty raggedy. I know it looks so glamorous being glittery and diamondy and made up on singing songs. It's just the wear and tear of travel. Anybody who goes on vacation knows that when you're done at vacation, even though you had a ball, you gotta recover, recuperate from the vacation because it's travel is taxing on the human body. So you're in the planes, you're in the trains, you're in automobiles, you're in the buses. Time changes, you're going faster than the human body should go way too often.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  Why I'm going this fast in a pressure fucking tube in the sky? And then you're in the next city and then you're, ah, every fiber in your body you give to people. And back then we was doing radio promo because I don't think they really do that. Post-COVID, I don't think meet and greets and all of that. But it's like radio station, meet and greets, you got your real life meet and greets of your fans who came to the show. You got your sound check parties, you have your press, you have your promo post-show. You gotta talk to the suits and the ties.

• 1:19:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you got sponsors.

• 1:19:18Speaker 02

  So much interaction and energy and talking and connecting. I'm really good at that. I love that shit. But the human body only has so much.

• 1:19:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:28Speaker 02

  And so I'd be really tired, but I would feel like I'm not allowed to admit that I'm tired. I'm in a very privileged position.

• 1:19:34Dax Shepard?

  Well, you feel you'll be ungrateful if you acknowledge that.

• 1:19:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:19:38Dax Shepard?

  Which is the great crime and sin of people who aren't eternally grateful if they've made it.

• 1:19:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:44Dax Shepard?

  Which is not possible for a human to feel eternally grateful.

• 1:19:46Speaker 02

  The human version of me is like, oh, I need a day off. You need a day off from your dream job?

• 1:19:52Dax Shepard?

  Exactly.

• 1:19:53Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:19:54Dax Shepard?

  No one's gonna feel bad that you're tired on a world tour.

• 1:19:57Speaker 02

  I didn't even feel bad for myself. I said, bitch, get yourself together.

• 1:20:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:20:02Speaker 02

  Get up, girl, get up.

• 1:20:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. So after that height, there was a valley and I'm not attempting to re-letigate or get into any of the reasons there's a valley. But I've certainly been in valleys, but I've never been on a mountain as high as yours before I was in the valley as low as that. And so what emotionally was happening there and how did you regulate during that period?

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  When you're going, going, going, going, going on a super high and also I wasn't even really perceiving how famous I had gotten. I feel like a regular girl in the Twin Cities, walk into the bar, gonna get some cheese curds and a beer. I still feel like that girl, but the whole world is like, everything I did was news. I had been going full throttle. It was like clothing line, it was like TV show, tour, album, actually really doing well, like, oh, my God. I didn't even know how well the album was doing. I wasn't paying attention. I was just doing, you know, making my little TikToks. I had always planned to just like stop. My last show was in Japan on that tour. I'd never been to Japan. I've been waiting to go to Japan my whole life, you know, Sailor Moon.

• 1:21:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:13Speaker 02

  And I was like, I'm about to spend some time here and I wasn't going to tour. I was gonna take time to work on the next album. I had really planned to just like stop, but I also stopped while the world stopped fucking with me. And it was really weird because it was just like.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:32Speaker 02

  And I was like, whoa, this feels like my life is over.

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:37Dax Shepard?

  Okay, no, quick question here because when I've had these things, some part of me goes, yep, I knew it. That she was gonna drop. It's too good to be true. I didn't deserve it.

• 1:21:48Speaker 02

  I've had that fear my whole life about everything. And I don't know why it's a common thing with people who are successful. We are always looking over our shoulder because I know with me personally, it started when we were in Detroit. And then Detroit got taken away from my family, got taken away from me, church got taken away from me. And then after that, my dad died when I was 19, taken away.

• 1:22:09Dax Shepard?

  By the way, every time something kind of good's going.

• 1:22:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, something happens.

• 1:22:13Dax Shepard?

  Like you just found your shit in high school, you're in college and now this, yeah.

• 1:22:17Speaker 02

  And so with the fame thing and the success and the public perception being super positive and being overly loved and people understanding me, I wasn't looking over my shoulder for a shoe to drop because I really genuinely was moving so purely. I really, which they say you shouldn't do, just really showed the whole world my heart.

• 1:22:38Speaker 01

  Uh huh. You let your guard down.

• 1:22:40Speaker 02

  There was no guard ever, you know, type deal. Like I came into this thing myself and I was like honored myself and I was just bumbling around as myself unabashedly. So when everybody started hating me, I kind of didn't understand. And I think anyone in this position, because it happens to a lot of artists, like it happens to every artist, especially now. You look up and it's like, oh, now everyone hates them. What happened?

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:03Speaker 02

  We never expect that's gonna happen to us.

• 1:23:05Dax Shepard?

  Do you remember when there was a fight in high school and like you'd see a huge crowd of kids running to go watch the fight? Did that happen in Houston? That was like where I grew up is constantly like you'd be at your locker and all of a sudden the big mob's going, oh shit, we're going. Someone's gonna get their ass kicked.

• 1:23:17Speaker 02

  Fire.

• 1:23:17Dax Shepard?

  The internet to me is that it's like the pile and you can see the big mob coming. You're like, oh, I gotta get a piece of this.

• 1:23:24Speaker 02

  I had experienced little waves of it, but this time after my tour ended, it was like legitimate. So I really did feel like my life was over because music had been my life. And I didn't feel like anyone wanted me to make music anymore. I only signed to a major label so I could help people because I was cool with being an indie artist. But then I was like, but I'm making music that makes people feel better about themselves and seek love for themselves.

• 1:23:47Dax Shepard?

  Especially girls, especially black girls, especially big girls.

• 1:23:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:51Dax Shepard?

  Folks that deserve a champion.

• 1:23:53Speaker 02

  Gay boys, trans people, people who felt other. So I was like, I'll sign to Atlantic because if that means y'all will get my music out to more people, I think of my music as medicine. So I was like, oh, wow, should I cease to exist?

• 1:24:04Dax Shepard?

  You're right.

• 1:24:05Speaker 02

  It was really heavy. It's really heavy. And I think you have to kind of go to a very, very, very, very low place to be able to kind of float back up to the top. I had to stop making everything external about me, everything that was happening outside. I was like, that don't got nothing to do with me anymore. Like who am I? Who's in my real life?

• 1:24:25Dax Shepard?

  See day to day.

• 1:24:27Speaker 02

  Let me tell you something, it was nobody for a while.

• 1:24:29Dax Shepard?

  But can I ask this? Here's what I've been guilty of. At moments that we've had great success, that has been something I can lean on when I'm doing some other shit. Like for me, it was I had a relapse, right? And it was like, this isn't good. We know this isn't good. We know that me using is not good. I'm not an idiot. But then I go, but man, this other thing's going so good. I'm just gonna think about this. Like I had something to lean on that was pretty powerful for me. And I think if in the wake of me also collapsing on that, and then also I don't even have the thing I had been leaning on. We're at a very lonely, scary spot. Like I don't even have the crutch now of success.

• 1:25:11Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I can't even really articulate it, but I understand what you're saying.

• 1:25:17Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it's like just keeping myself above water because I know I have this thing that's really quite special and good. But by God, if you took that from me at that moment, I would, I don't know. Like again, I don't know if I can exist at that moment because it's all I'm using to keep myself afloat.

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  You know where I came to is like knowing who you are and not like what you do. And I feel like I had been identifying myself as what I do for so long instead of remembering who I am. Because that's my job and everyone in the world might not actually know me like I thought they did.

• 1:25:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:51Speaker 02

  It's like, oh, wait, y'all actually don't know me.

• 1:25:53Speaker 01

  It's like realizing, oh, this thing I thought was real is actually kind of false. In some ways, that's freeing, isn't it?

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  It was extremely freeing.

• 1:26:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:02Speaker 02

  Because I'm like, oh, only I know me, only I know who I am. And I need to remember that and not allow someone to change that because I can do that too. I can allow someone to make me feel bad, even though I didn't. I used to get emotionally manipulated a lot. Actually, to this day, I kind of still, because I'm so like sweet and understanding and forgiving.

• 1:26:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, you get taken advantage of.

• 1:26:25Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Yes, I need protectors around me. And so now I feel like I have all these protective people.

• 1:26:31Dax Shepard?

  And would I be right to guess you're not great at boundaries?

• 1:26:35Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:26:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:36Speaker 02

  But now I am.

• 1:26:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:38Speaker 02

  You know what's so crazy? It's like when you're a famous person, the more famous you become, the more boundaries you have, the more people look at you like you're a bad person. It's like, hey, that's fucked up, but I'm like, but I have to protect myself.

• 1:26:49Speaker 01

  Yes, you do.

• 1:26:50Speaker 02

  You know, so I was always like, no, you have access to me. Everyone has access to me. I will never be that famous person that no one can talk to and no one can like, no, now I know why.

• 1:26:59Dax Shepard?

  There's only, there's only so much of you.

• 1:27:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:27:02Dax Shepard?

  And you have to save some for you.

• 1:27:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I learned that as well.

• 1:27:07Dax Shepard?

  Did you come to that on your own or did you have therapy? Did you have help?

• 1:27:11Speaker 02

  I did have therapy. I've had the same therapist since like 2017.

• 1:27:16Dax Shepard?

  That's kind of helpful because she got to see the whole, yeah, the whole enchilada.

• 1:27:21Speaker 02

  I'm like, actually, we're like trauma bonded now because you've seen it all, sister. You're not going anywhere. But like I had that and honestly, I'm not gonna hold y'all like I was talking out loud to myself and to God. But I would just be like. One day, things have to be better. One day, things have to be better. One day, I'm gonna wake up in a reality where I don't feel like shit, where I am happy. And I was saying these things, and then one day after the next, you look up and you're like, oh, I don't have to say this anymore because I'm here.

• 1:27:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:53Speaker 02

  It was a lot of self-work and a lot of self-awareness you kind of have to have. It's like, hey, you know, you shouldn't do that, or you shouldn't give this person access to you in that way, or you shouldn't put yourself in that position, or you know you've been putting yourself in this fucked up position for so long? You know that this person been kind of boxing you out and manipulating you, and you thought this was going on, but really this was going on? You need to watch the people around you. And this is the biggest thing that I learned from therapy is my inner child had been leading the show the whole time. My inner child was like, I want everyone to get along. And we're all gonna just naively optimistic. And now, grown-up me is protecting baby me. I'm like, no, stop, you can't, no, get back here, you're behind me.

• 1:28:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the girl with the bound feet and the fucked up hair. Yeah, the mold and the bun.

• 1:28:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:28:38Dax Shepard?

  The wow.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  He's dry.

• 1:28:39Dax Shepard?

  No, that little girl, you gotta protect.

• 1:28:41Speaker 01

  No, we gotta protect.

• 1:28:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm like, girl, no. Like, no, no, no, no, no. You can't trust these people. So, I am proud. I'm not done, though. I'm learning new shit.

• 1:28:50Speaker 01

  We all are.

• 1:28:51Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, it's not over.

• 1:28:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so how do we end up writing Little Lizzo meets Sasha B. Fluton? Can I give you the description I wrote out of it? It's so adorable. Of course I did.

• 1:29:05Speaker 01

  It's such a sweet book.

• 1:29:07Dax Shepard?

  It is. It's about a little girl feeling lost and alone in a new school, sees a room full of instruments, gives them all a whirl, but none of them land. Then Sasha B. Fluton said, what about me? The two you go on a ride, stopping in the jungle, the sea and the sky, and every time you try to make the sounds of those places, nothing comes out. But when you and Sasha look into yourselves, into your heart, a sound finally comes out, and that is the sound that brings all the kids together. It's the sound that you make that lets you know you belong.

• 1:29:34Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 1:29:35Dax Shepard?

  Is that a good description?

• 1:29:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:29:37Dax Shepard?

  With the cutest little drawings.

• 1:29:39Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:29:39Dax Shepard?

  And the cutest little imaginary worlds.

• 1:29:43Speaker 02

  I just feel like this book makes me emotional every time I think about it. And I was like, I fucking wrote it. And I dead-ass wrote it, like, no funny shit. I got video footage of me writing this motherfucking book, of me sketching Little Lizzo to give to Mark Pet. Like, I'm really hands in this book. But I get emotional every time I think about it, because everyone's interpretation of it, and every person I sit with as they read it or I read it to, it elicits a different response. I'm the same way with my music, though. I could play a song for somebody, and a different person, a different person, and it'll hit different every time. The way you surmised it with going to the space and the sea and the jungle, and like, you tried to play those sounds, but those sounds were not you.

• 1:30:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:20Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, this is just tearing me up right now, because it's true. I wanted it to have a where the wild things are kind of surrealism.

• 1:30:30Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:30:31Speaker 02

  Where, you know, the walls dematerialize, and suddenly he's like in a boat.

• 1:30:35Dax Shepard?

  Well, again, you already told us, like, you lived in La La Land.

• 1:30:38Speaker 02

  I did.

• 1:30:38Speaker 01

  With your tree, you and your tree.

• 1:30:40Dax Shepard?

  The book is La La Land.

• 1:30:42Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly. And when I would walk into the band hall, it was like, nothing outside of that room mattered. Only band kids understand the intense feeling of family and importance. It was so fucking important to us. The music that we were playing, the march that we had to do. Anything outside that room, we just drowned out, because we were so focused and we were so in tune with each other. And so, when she walks in that room, she's like, well, what's all the fuss about? I want to know. And she finds Sasha. Sasha called to her. The flute picked me when I was in fifth grade. There was something about the flute being difficult that I was like, super, super drawn to. And I loved the challenge. I was like such an overachiever, just poindexter. So, when I was chosen, she was like, you. Because it was just such a magical moment.

• 1:31:27Speaker 02

  I just, she looked down at me and smiled and was like, you. And I was like, yay. That was my Sasha being like, you gonna sleep on the flutes? You gonna sleep on the flutes?

• 1:31:35Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:31:36Speaker 02

  And they chose each other. I do like drawing the parallels between my actual childhood experience with the flute, because that's the reason why I wrote the book. I wanted to tell the story in a colorful way. I've been playing the flute. When did I first pull it out? The BET Awards and Twerk and Rihanna stood up. 2019 BET Awards, 18, 19? They've been asking me about flute since then. We're about to be about a decade of the music. So, why flute? How flute? And I was like, here, let me put it down for you.

• 1:32:05Dax Shepard?

  Our friend Molly, when we were all at the height of our Lizzo obsession, Molly was obsessed with Sasha B., right? She talked about Sasha B. all the time.

• 1:32:14Speaker 01

  People have a connection to Sasha separately from you. And I think this book is gonna do that even more because of her personification in the book.

• 1:32:25Dax Shepard?

  He's an outcast, too. Yeah, yeah, I'm an outcast, too.

• 1:32:28Speaker 01

  Too.

• 1:32:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:29Speaker 01

  See me, you know, it's beautiful.

• 1:32:31Speaker 02

  And Sasha's so funny and brassy, and like, she's got little hands on her hip and her little rainbow buttons and...

• 1:32:37Speaker 01

  She's a fun girl.

• 1:32:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's being played wrong the entire time. And in the end, it's like, huh. And that's when you create the sound, and it's like breathing. And I wanted to throw a little bit of mindfulness and breath work in there at the end, so that you can sit with your youngins and you can be like, okay, now sit and take a deep breath. Like, when you get to that point and they take a deep breath, a deep breath makes anyone feel good. Sometimes when you say deep breath, it makes you want to take a deep breath. Or when you say yawn, it makes you want to yawn.

• 1:33:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay, the very last thing I want to talk to you about is I was watching the Gayle King interview, and she wanted to talk to you about your use of the word bitch.

• 1:33:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:33:18Dax Shepard?

  Look, I love Gayle King, we all love Gayle King. But she's like, you're going through, you know, we use it a lot, okay? And then she said, you know, what about a little girl hearing that word? That was part of it, right? And I just want to say that one morning, probably four years ago, I think Lincoln was nine, our oldest daughter, she came into our bedroom. It was one of those days, right? She just did not want to go to school. She was just feeling defeated by everything. And she said, I can't do it. I didn't feel, and she was sad and all this stuff. And I said, come with me. And we went to our mirror. I've told this story in here before, but we went to the mirror, and I said, I want you to repeat after me, okay? And she goes, okay. She's nine.

• 1:34:01Dax Shepard?

  I go, I'm a bad bitch, and I'm gonna fuck this day up. And this little nine-year-old goes, I'm a bad bitch, and I'm gonna fuck this day up.

• 1:34:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:34:12Dax Shepard?

  And dude, her spirit changed like you can't imagine on a dime. And then I told that story on here, and then all these kind of women in our life, it became a little anthem. I'm a bad bitch, and I'm gonna fuck this day up. And then, this was given to us.

• 1:34:29Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, look at the little baby face.

• 1:34:34Dax Shepard?

  So, I just want to thank you, because our family anthem that gets us through our bad days is I'm a bad bitch, I'm gonna fuck this day up. And that's because of you.

• 1:34:42Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:34:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:43Speaker 02

  Wow, what?

• 1:34:44Dax Shepard?

  Because my little girls, they got introduced to that word as a powerful word, as something that makes you feel like you can walk out on strong.

• 1:34:53Speaker 02

  The way that I feel about that thing with profanity and children is I don't like to cuss around kids at all. I grew up in the church, I don't cuss around my mama.

• 1:35:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, sure.

• 1:35:03Speaker 02

  To this day, and I'm a grown-ass woman. So, that's how my mind is. But I also feel like we live in a world where it is an inevitability that they're gonna hear these words. Like, I was hearing cuss words when I was, and I was like, what is that? What is that?

• 1:35:15Dax Shepard?

  First grade on the playground, you hear every horrendous word imaginable.

• 1:35:18Speaker 02

  You're gonna hear it. So, it's like, better to disarm some of these words so that younger people cannot have the negative effect. Taking the power out of fat, taking the power out of bitch that someone can hurt you with. You know what I mean? Giving the power back to you.

• 1:35:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the way you neutralize them is they go bitch, and you're like, fuck, yeah. And they're like, oh, that didn't have the effect I wanted. I wanted to hurt you and minimize you and reduce you.

• 1:35:44Speaker 02

  Oh, what's up, fat ass? Yeah, my ass is fat. Yeah, exactly. Like, okay, and you want to bite it.

• 1:35:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:50Speaker 02

  Or else you wouldn't be talking about it.

• 1:35:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:35:52Speaker 02

  So much. So, yes, I do think that inevitability and a part of my work is disarming words like that and toxic words like that. Because I want people to be kinder to each other, but that's not realistic.

• 1:36:05Dax Shepard?

  No, it's not gonna happen, that's not the world.

• 1:36:06Speaker 02

  So, we have to disarm the bullies.

• 1:36:08Speaker 01

  That's right, I love that.

• 1:36:09Dax Shepard?

  No, it's just a judo move on it all. Yeah. Well, I've been wanting to do this for five, six years. I'm so happy you're here.

• 1:36:18Speaker 01

  You've been eluding us for so long.

• 1:36:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we've been wanting you forever.

• 1:36:22Speaker 02

  I hear that so much. I'm like, guys, I promise I'm down the street.

• 1:36:26Dax Shepard?

  Well, now you got boundaries, so.

• 1:36:29Speaker 01

  We caught you when your boundaries were down.

• 1:36:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, my God, no. Like, five, six years ago, we probably would have been doing tequila shots.

• 1:36:36Speaker 01

  Right? Different conversation five, six years ago.

• 1:36:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, maybe, maybe this is the timing was perfect for this.

• 1:36:43Speaker 02

  That's so funny. Are you guys, no, you drink beer?

• 1:36:46Dax Shepard?

  No, I don't, I haven't drank in 22 years.

• 1:36:48Speaker 01

  It's because I said you had a beer company.

• 1:36:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, I have an alcoholic beer company.

• 1:36:51Speaker 02

  Oh, Dools, okay, okay.

• 1:36:53Dax Shepard?

  I own no Dools.

• 1:36:54Speaker 02

  You own no Dools?

• 1:36:56Speaker 01

  No, don't do this, you're so good at lying.

• 1:36:58Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna hold this up, it's the cutest book ever.

• 1:37:00Speaker 02

  Please.

• 1:37:01Dax Shepard?

  Little Lizzo meets Sasha B. Fluton.

• 1:37:04Speaker 02

  Out September 9th.

• 1:37:05Dax Shepard?

  September 9th.

• 1:37:06Speaker 01

  Guys, it's a great, it's a great one.

• 1:37:08Dax Shepard?

  Get it for your little, beautiful girl.

• 1:37:10Speaker 02

  And there's a flute song in the end.

• 1:37:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, QR code.

• 1:37:14Dax Shepard?

  You can hit the QR code and go listen to a special flute song. Uh, Lizzo, I adore you, thank you for coming, this was so fun.

• 1:37:20Speaker 01

  Thanks so much.

• 1:37:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had so much fun with y'all, I could talk all day.

• 1:37:23Speaker 01

  Come back.

• 1:37:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let's go out with a song.

• 1:37:26Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, here we go.

• 1:37:28Dax Shepard?

  That's not gonna work for me.

• 1:37:29Speaker 02

  Now to focus on you. All the big fights, long nights that you been through. I got a bottle of tequila I been saving for you. Boss up and change your life. You can have it all or sacrifice. No, you didn't get wrong, we can make it right. So, go and let it all hang out tonight. He don't love you anymore.

• 1:37:48Speaker 01

  Oh, you wanted that, oh, wow.

• 1:37:51Speaker 02

  You better lock your finest out the door.

• 1:37:55Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:37:58Speaker 02

  Woo! Get the sound.

• 1:38:03Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:38:07Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:38:10Speaker 02

  Listen, if he don't love you anymore. Y'all gonna be sweating these damn chairs.

• 1:38:17Dax Shepard?

  Wait, you see my back?

• 1:38:30Dax Shepard?

  I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong.

• 1:38:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, you have a story.

• 1:38:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have a couple.

• 1:38:42Dax Shepard?

  That you withheld. This happens to us in real life occasionally.

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:45Dax Shepard?

  Where I see you, normally I'd hear some fun story and then you have to reserve it.

• 1:38:50Speaker 01

  The fact check.

• 1:38:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:51Speaker 01

  I have two, actually.

• 1:38:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:38:53Speaker 01

  Okay, but I'm gonna start with this one first.

• 1:38:55Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:38:55Speaker 01

  So, happy birthday Jess. Jess is 50 today. That's a big old number.

• 1:39:00Dax Shepard?

  That's a big boy.

• 1:39:00Speaker 01

  It's a big boy for a big boy.

• 1:39:03Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:39:03Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:39:04Dax Shepard?

  He's finally grown into his age.

• 1:39:06Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:39:07Dax Shepard?

  Or aged into his growth.

• 1:39:08Speaker 01

  He's aged into his stature. Yeah. So, we went to Palm Springs for just like thirty-six, thirty-eight hours.

• 1:39:20Dax Shepard?

  I was told by Anna you were blessed with no traffic on the way there, which is rare on a Friday.

• 1:39:24Speaker 01

  It was great.

• 1:39:26Dax Shepard?

  Maybe because it was one hundred and twenty-six there?

• 1:39:28Speaker 01

  It was hot.

• 1:39:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:29Speaker 01

  It was really hot. So, it was me, Jess, Anna, Erica, and Charlie. We kept it small for many reasons. One, it was very impromptu, but Jess, we wanted to go to this very specific restaurant that I think max is five people, the tables.

• 1:39:46Dax Shepard?

  Wait, they only have five customers at once?

• 1:39:48Speaker 01

  No, no, sorry. Like, each table, you can't have like more than five people, maybe six, but I think five.

• 1:39:54Dax Shepard?

  They don't have big.

• 1:39:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. So, we went. It was so fun. Restaurant incredible.

• 1:40:05Dax Shepard?

  What kind of cuisine?

• 1:40:07Speaker 01

  American Palm Springs.

• 1:40:09Dax Shepard?

  Everything's fusion, isn't it?

• 1:40:12Speaker 01

  Like, I had a burger, I had a pork chop, steak fries.

• 1:40:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so hearty food.

• 1:40:18Speaker 01

  American, yeah. And then there was a really cool bar attached to it that we went to. Anyway, great. But like chill night. Like, we were at the pool and then we did this dinner. Oh, and I walked to shopping, which was the first time I've ever thought, no, maybe the second time.

• 1:40:34Dax Shepard?

  The other time was in Georgia, when you were, and your, your family really wanted to drive you. You were gonna take a walk.

• 1:40:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, but I don't regret that. That was like.

• 1:40:44Dax Shepard?

  I thought you said you got on the walk and you were like, yeah, it's too hot for this walk.

• 1:40:47Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:40:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:40:48Speaker 01

  I don't regret that.

• 1:40:48Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:40:49Speaker 01

  I had some regrets in Paris when I'm out, when I was out there in the heat wave. Yeah, in the heat bubble. But then, this was only, this was a three-minute drive. I was like, I'm walking. This is crazy.

• 1:41:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:02Speaker 01

  So, it was like a sixteen, seventeen-minute walk. I get out there, two minutes, and I was like, oh, wow. I'm like so hot and I'm getting nervous. Like, it's, then I'm starting to panic. Yeah. So, I'm taking deep breaths. But I made it there.

• 1:41:19Dax Shepard?

  You're back in SoulCycle.

• 1:41:20Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly. But I made it there to the store and then two minutes later, the store closed. I didn't look up the timing, so that was really upsetting. Anyway, easy, great day, fun day. Now, this hotel has two parts to it. It has a

• 1:41:40Speaker 01

  normal part with like rooms, great rooms, a big pool. And then, there's an area, this special area called the bungalows.

• 1:41:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:41:51Speaker 01

  And they're extra and it's like kind of its own private area. So, if you don't have a key card to that, you can't get in there. And it has its own waiting pool.

• 1:42:03Dax Shepard?

  This is what you posted a photo of. I have an image of a long rectangular pool and then seemingly bungalows on the sides.

• 1:42:09Speaker 01

  Yes, there's bungalows on the sides and then in the pool, on one side, there's like six or so chairs that are in the pool and so you can like lounge and be wet. It's so nice. I mean, the pool's like eighteen inches.

• 1:42:24Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:42:24Speaker 01

  So, there's no, yeah.

• 1:42:26Dax Shepard?

  There's no diving.

• 1:42:27Speaker 01

  No, there's no diving. There's no swimming. You just like lay in it.

• 1:42:30Dax Shepard?

  No hold-your-breath contests.

• 1:42:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it is kind of funny when people are walking because they just like splash. There's walking through.

• 1:42:37Dax Shepard?

  It must have been so warm as well. I mean, they would maybe even have to cool it at that depth in that heat.

• 1:42:43Speaker 01

  The first day, people thought it was, could be a little bit cooler.

• 1:42:47Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:42:47Speaker 01

  Not me, because you know, I like the heat.

• 1:42:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:50Speaker 01

  The second day, we thought it was nice.

• 1:42:53Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 1:42:53Speaker 01

  Anyway, so we get back after dinner and we decide to get in the pool. The pool closes at ten.

• 1:43:02Dax Shepard?

  Okay, interesting. For Palm Springs, I feel like it would be open later, but continue.

• 1:43:06Speaker 01

  Lovely you said that. So.

• 1:43:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:08Speaker 01

  Pool closes at ten. It's eight forty when we get home. And we all get in our bathing suits. We're all drinking water. Like, no one, we are not rowdy, I guess is the whole purpose of me saying this. We all get in the pool, we're hanging, we're chatting, we're drinking water, and somebody opens the door to the bungalow behind us, opens it like, what's this, like?

• 1:43:35Dax Shepard?

  Abruptly.

• 1:43:36Speaker 01

  Abruptly, thank you. And he said, he was a guy. He was probably, I would say sixty?

• 1:43:47Speaker 01

  Or younger, but had, you know.

• 1:43:49Dax Shepard?

  Some hard miles.

• 1:43:50Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:43:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:43:52Speaker 01

  And he said.

• 1:43:55Speaker 01

  Are you okay?

• 1:43:58Speaker 01

  What happened? Oh, that scared me.

• 1:44:03Dax Shepard?

  Thought he was being attacked back there or had a stroke.

• 1:44:05Speaker 01

  I thought he had a seizure, yeah.

• 1:44:08Dax Shepard?

  Pick your pick.

• 1:44:10Speaker 01

  Okay, so he opens the door and he said, I can hear you.

• 1:44:16Speaker 01

  And we laughed. Like, we thought he was joking, being funny.

• 1:44:23Speaker 01

  To remind people who don't know, Char, so we have Charlie, Jess.

• 1:44:27Dax Shepard?

  Perfect on Charlie.

• 1:44:28Speaker 01

  Yes, Charlie, Jess, meet Erica, Anna. Charlie is huge and muscular and.

• 1:44:35Dax Shepard?

  Jess is huge as well.

• 1:44:36Speaker 01

  Jess is intimidating when he stands up, right? But we're all in the pool. So, he comes out and he's like, he's like, you're wake, you're waking everybody up. We're asleep. We're asleep. You, and then what's so interesting is the way everyone starts behaving differently, right? So, Erica.

• 1:44:57Dax Shepard?

  I can feel how I would. I know the feeling that would be in my body.

• 1:45:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:45:02Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:03Speaker 01

  Which is similar to Charlie.

• 1:45:05Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 1:45:06Speaker 01

  Okay, but Eric was like, don't worry, we'll move. And I know. And I was like, no.

• 1:45:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:14Speaker 01

  And Charlie was like, hey, you need to chill, man.

• 1:45:17Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah, sure.

• 1:45:18Speaker 01

  Uh huh. And he said, I need to chill? And Charlie was like, yeah, man, you need to chill. And he, he like turns around and this guy's like, I would never do this to you.

• 1:45:32Dax Shepard?

  To him, to Charlie specifically?

• 1:45:34Speaker 01

  To all, like, wake them up or something? He was like, we're asleep. I said, I said, it's nine.

• 1:45:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:42Speaker 01

  And Charlie was like.

• 1:45:43Dax Shepard?

  Palm Springs, it's Friday night.

• 1:45:44Speaker 01

  Charlie was like, the pool closes at ten. It's nine o'clock and he's screaming at us and getting closer. He's starting to walk towards.

• 1:45:55Dax Shepard?

  What is his, his physical stature? You're not great at this.

• 1:46:00Speaker 01

  I'm not good at this. He's not tiny.

• 1:46:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:46:04Speaker 01

  But, okay, so then Charlie gets up. Yeah, this is kind of complicated because you know, it's like eighteen inches. And he's just standing in this pool.

• 1:46:15Speaker 01

  Like, you know, watering his ankles, basically. And he's like, you need to go back inside. You know, Charlie, you know, Charlie's like, you need to go back inside. And he's like, oh, oh, with you and your tattoos, you think you're a tough man? I was like, oh, my God, what is about to happen?

• 1:46:30Dax Shepard?

  This is a guy who hasn't been punched out in too long, been too long. He's been, he's been acting like this to people and getting away with it.

• 1:46:36Speaker 01

  And we heard a woman inside say.

• 1:46:39Dax Shepard?

  She's so sick of being this, being married to this guy. Yeah. Glenn?

• 1:46:44Speaker 01

  Steve.

• 1:46:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Steve.

• 1:46:46Speaker 01

  Steve, come to bed. She said, you could hear inside. And then Charlie was like, Steve, go to bed.

• 1:46:55Speaker 01

  And then, and he was just carrying on, carrying on. Finally, he went inside.

• 1:47:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:47:01Speaker 01

  But it was a real.

• 1:47:03Dax Shepard?

  Showdown.

• 1:47:03Speaker 01

  Showdown. And I did not expect to feel what I felt.

• 1:47:09Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:47:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:47:11Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:47:12Speaker 01

  It was really interesting.

• 1:47:13Dax Shepard?

  So, what were you feeling?

• 1:47:15Speaker 01

  I was like, I.

• 1:47:17Dax Shepard?

  Condone this.

• 1:47:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:47:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:19Speaker 01

  I condone Charlie, but Charlie didn't, he did not escalate. He did not cross the line. And he, he said after, he was like, I just told myself, do not get out of this pool.

• 1:47:29Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, all right, because then, now we're in another situation. Yeah, yeah, now police are maybe coming.

• 1:47:34Speaker 01

  Like, yeah, so I didn't want any of that to happen, but I was glad that he was saying stuff and standing up to him. And I also, I was like, it's nine. I was like, sir, we are allowed to. He didn't hear me at all. He couldn't hear women. But I was not afraid of the confrontation. And then I was like, whoa, this feels not natural for me. Meanwhile.

• 1:47:59Dax Shepard?

  What's happening to me?

• 1:48:00Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, Erica, Jess, and Anna have like moved into another area. And Erica keeps telling us, she's like, come on, guys, come over, like, come, Charlie, come. Like, you know, she's obviously worrying about Charlie. Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:48:14Dax Shepard?

  The wives are like, come on, everybody, let's just.

• 1:48:16Speaker 01

  But.

• 1:48:17Dax Shepard?

  Drop this.

• 1:48:18Speaker 01

  But no, no to dropping it. Like, this guy, like, I did feel like moving felt like he won. And it was nine o'clock in Palm Springs. And, oh, I think I said something like, we've all paid to be here.

• 1:48:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:34Speaker 01

  Like, we're all, what? What makes you think you can come? Like, if you, I understand if it's loud. First of all, you could come out and say, hey, guys, I'm so sorry. I mean, whatever, there's a million ways to do this.

• 1:48:45Dax Shepard?

  We go to bed so early.

• 1:48:46Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:48:47Dax Shepard?

  We like to go to bed at seven.

• 1:48:48Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:48:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:50Speaker 01

  But you could do that, or you need to really take it up with the hotel. You need.

• 1:48:55Dax Shepard?

  Also, don't get a room next to the pool.

• 1:48:57Speaker 01

  Well, all the bungalows are right there.

• 1:49:00Dax Shepard?

  So, that's not for you.

• 1:49:01Speaker 01

  Exactly. So, this isn't a hotel for you.

• 1:49:03Dax Shepard?

  Tucked into the corner and you visit the pool when you want to.

• 1:49:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, yeah, this isn't the hotel for you. This is the way it's set up.

• 1:49:10Dax Shepard?

  The architect, my friend.

• 1:49:11Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:49:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:49:13Speaker 01

  So, then, yeah, so we were all like a little like amped and kind of frazzled, but it was, it is funny. Everyone behaves so differently in these situations. And I'm sure so much of it is childhood, so much of it is just personality, I guess. Like, I was kind of surprised. Like, I was surprised Erica wasn't more confrontational.

• 1:49:37Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:49:38Speaker 01

  Because she's very strong and like speaks her mind and stuff like that in general.

• 1:49:42Dax Shepard?

  But she's also in public relations. So, she's really, really good at.

• 1:49:49Dax Shepard?

  Um, de-escalating, uh, you know, tensions that are rising. She has these big events, you know, so she's gotta be a, a master judo expert at redirecting these hostile, you know?

• 1:50:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:02Dax Shepard?

  She, I think she's really well-practiced. She's like dealing with the public a ton and clients and.

• 1:50:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:09Speaker 01

  And Anna was sort of somewhere in the middle, cause she was, she was like, what? Like she was saying like kind of some stuff, but then not enough for her to like really hold her ground. So, and then Jess, you know, kind of gets up and then staggers away.

• 1:50:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, trips five times.

• 1:50:24Speaker 01

  Literally.

• 1:50:26Speaker 01

  He had, wants nothing to do with confrontation, really.

• 1:50:29Dax Shepard?

  That's interesting, cause he often does.

• 1:50:32Speaker 01

  I don't think he does.

• 1:50:33Dax Shepard?

  He doesn't?

• 1:50:33Speaker 01

  In my experience with him, and one time we got in a fight about this.

• 1:50:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, that's like someone called someone gay or.

• 1:50:39Speaker 01

  Exactly. And then it wasn't Anna, it was somebody else, but yes, some thing happened and she was really upset. And then Jess like went inside to go deal with it. Then he came back and had done nothing. And then I was really annoyed. Um, so, so we're all just so different in these circumstances.

• 1:50:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:57Speaker 01

  And you know, normally I think I'm like, no.

• 1:51:02Dax Shepard?

  Walk away.

• 1:51:03Speaker 01

  We just, who cares? Who cares? Just we need to walk away. That person has nothing to do with us. But I didn't feel that way.

• 1:51:11Dax Shepard?

  Interesting. How do we describe?

• 1:51:13Speaker 01

  And I was like, I'm not moving.

• 1:51:16Dax Shepard?

  This is your auntie vibes coming out. Now you're an auntie.

• 1:51:19Speaker 01

  No, I don't, no, I don't think that's it.

• 1:51:21Dax Shepard?

  I don't like that.

• 1:51:22Speaker 01

  I, I, now I'm starting to wonder why I ever thought.

• 1:51:29Speaker 01

  I don't know, cause I am fine in confrontation. We do know this.

• 1:51:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You, yeah.

• 1:51:35Speaker 01

  So I don't know why I ever thought that I.

• 1:51:39Dax Shepard?

  Well, I'm imagining you think you are anti-physical conflict, physical confrontation.

• 1:51:44Speaker 01

  Which I am.

• 1:51:46Dax Shepard?

  I am too.

• 1:51:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:47Dax Shepard?

  Until someone forces physical confrontation and then.

• 1:51:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:52Dax Shepard?

  Then I go, okay, this is how you wanna have this confrontation. I can do either. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll argue with you, or if you wanna get down, I'm, I'm your huckleberry. Like, let's, let's do that.

• 1:52:03Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:52:04Dax Shepard?

  That'll be conclusive. That's my, why I like it.

• 1:52:07Speaker 01

  I still don't like it. I don't like it. I'm really proud of Charlie for staying in the pool. I'm glad he did.

• 1:52:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:13Speaker 01

  But when this man is coming towards us with this anger and like screaming, and he's so aggressive. I was like, wow, like I do feel like maybe he deserves to get hit, which is, I've never felt that. So it was really wild. Then it brought up.

• 1:52:33Dax Shepard?

  Well, it's a good thing we're transitioning, you and I. Like now you're into, and I'm kind of like, I'm retiring from all of it. So it's, it's good that we weren't ever out on the scene.

• 1:52:41Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:52:42Dax Shepard?

  With both of us that way. Cause again, I have this chip on my shoulder about guys who have power in their jobs. And they're used to like fucking screaming at people and, and, and doing things that would otherwise get them into a fistfight. Like you can't just do that unless you have some bullshit arbitrary power you're used to. And you literally can't click out of, you're, you're not in your office, bro, and I don't work for you. And you can't talk to people like this.

• 1:53:12Speaker 01

  I guess, cause I think I live with so much that you, you can't talk to people like that. You can't treat people like that. Like I live with a lot of those feelings.

• 1:53:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:21Speaker 01

  So I guess I was just like, yeah, this.

• 1:53:23Dax Shepard?

  Maybe it was the heat. The heat had you.

• 1:53:26Speaker 01

  I mean, also he was just so clearly, obviously had been drinking like all day long, obviously. Who goes to bed? I mean, it was insane. As you said, 10 PM is too early.

• 1:53:36Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes, yes. For home springs on a Friday night.

• 1:53:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:53:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:40Speaker 01

  So that was wild. And then it led to a different conversation.

• 1:53:45Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 1:53:46Speaker 01

  Where I, so then Charlie went to the front and he just said, hey, just so you know, this happened.

• 1:53:54Dax Shepard?

  This unraveled.

• 1:53:55Speaker 01

  Exactly. And I, and this is also, I guess, a way that I act. I was like, someone's getting an email. Someone's getting an email tomorrow.

• 1:54:07Speaker 01

  The hotel's getting a stern email. And I said that to everyone. I was like, I'm, I'm telling the hotel like, that this was completely unacceptable.

• 1:54:16Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 1:54:16Speaker 01

  And then, then we were kind of split, okay? Cause some people were like, well, it's not their fault. And I was like, it's not their fault. It is absolutely not their fault.

• 1:54:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:27Speaker 01

  But this happened at their hotel. It ruined a section of the night.

• 1:54:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:36Speaker 01

  And it could, and maybe did have an impact on whether anyone's, we're ever coming back here.

• 1:54:44Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:54:44Speaker 01

  So I think it is up to the hotel to say like, I'm so sorry that happened here. Um, you all get to come back for a full week for free. I'm just kidding. No, not like that. But still, I do think it's a responsibility of the establishment to do what they can, um, to make you wanna come back. Because I did think like, oh, well, if this, and also if it is too loud for people, like that's a problem.

• 1:55:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:55:12Speaker 01

  And I don't wanna have dealt with that person. I hated that, even though I kind of liked it, but I hated it.

• 1:55:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, a little bit you liked it.

• 1:55:19Speaker 01

  Uh, and yeah, so then we got, we were all in a debate about that. Me and Charlie, of course.

• 1:55:25Dax Shepard?

  Of course. Yeah. He's the great email writer.

• 1:55:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, he loved, exactly. But to be clear, we both believe, we're not like, oh, this is the hotel's fault, but.

• 1:55:36Dax Shepard?

  So I'm on the side of confront that guy. Um, and then not on the side of like,

• 1:55:45Dax Shepard?

  it's too bad you guys had to deal with that guy. And now these people working there gotta deal with this guy down river.

• 1:55:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but here's the thing that's also true. Like, they might need to put a flag on that or, or say to him like, hey, if you come back to this hotel, that can't happen again.

• 1:56:02Dax Shepard?

  At the pool.

• 1:56:02Speaker 01

  Exactly. Like they need to know.

• 1:56:05Dax Shepard?

  Go ahead and call us if you think someone's being too loud and we'll look and do it.

• 1:56:09Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:56:10Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:11Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:56:11Dax Shepard?

  So did you write an email?

• 1:56:13Speaker 01

  I did not.

• 1:56:15Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:56:16Speaker 01

  Because then I got in my head about it a little bit. I'm still debating.

• 1:56:21Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:56:24Speaker 01

  Cause I, I just, cause I was thinking like, okay, if this happened at a restaurant.

• 1:56:28Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 1:56:28Speaker 01

  Okay. Cause Jess was like, no, like they don't, whatever. And I was like, Jess, if this happened at a restaurant and some patron screamed at another patron and like stormed over and stuff, of course it's not the restaurant's fault, but the, the restaurant is gonna do something. The restaurant is probably gonna.

• 1:56:44Dax Shepard?

  Send them a dessert.

• 1:56:45Speaker 01

  Something.

• 1:56:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:56:46Speaker 01

  And like.

• 1:56:47Dax Shepard?

  Pay for their coffees.

• 1:56:48Speaker 01

  Tell the guy, like, you can't do that here.

• 1:56:51Dax Shepard?

  You're not welcome here anymore. Yeah. Well, maybe when Charlie gave them the whole lay of the land.

• 1:56:59Speaker 01

  I know, but no one was really there.

• 1:57:01Dax Shepard?

  He didn't say it to anyone?

• 1:57:03Speaker 01

  He did. He said it to air. Kind of. Like there was no one there.

• 1:57:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh, they were.

• 1:57:09Speaker 01

  So that's why I felt the email was really necessary.

• 1:57:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:57:14Speaker 01

  Cause I wanted to speak to a manager, the hotel owner or something.

• 1:57:18Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:57:19Speaker 01

  The front desk. Cause I agree with you there, right? I'm like, what's this front desk person gonna do?

• 1:57:24Dax Shepard?

  She's trying to get through their shift.

• 1:57:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. So this is more of a higher up situation that I wanted, I wanted, I'm gonna.

• 1:57:32Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:57:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:57:33Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:57:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:57:34Dax Shepard?

  Let me know how that goes.

• 1:57:35Speaker 01

  Okay. It just was wild, this guy. And then I felt really bad for the wife.

• 1:57:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I mean, that's, she's linked to this guy. You think, that's not a standalone, that's not someone's first time acting like that.

• 1:57:49Speaker 01

  Steve, come back to bed.

• 1:57:50Dax Shepard?

  Steve, we can't do this again.

• 1:57:52Speaker 01

  That's what.

• 1:57:53Dax Shepard?

  See, I'm not going to bail you out again. Although, let's just devil's advocate.

• 1:57:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:57:59Dax Shepard?

  Maybe she was in there going, Steve, go fucking tell him to stop. Like she could have been goading him, then he snapped, cause his wife's yelling at him.

• 1:58:06Speaker 01

  She could have.

• 1:58:07Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. But some, that's a scenario that happens sometimes.

• 1:58:10Speaker 01

  That happens. That could definitely happen.

• 1:58:12Dax Shepard?

  I have a friend whose wife's always getting in, into fights and he's just like, he can hear it from the car and he's like, oh God, she's, she's yelling at the construction workers. How long before they call her a bitch and then I gotta get out of the car?

• 1:58:24Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:58:25Dax Shepard?

  So, yeah.

• 1:58:25Speaker 01

  No, she could, it definitely could have been, I just felt like, oof, this is a tough, tough situation. And then the next day, we were at the other pool at the bar and he, and this is like at two or one or something. And he comes up. And so we're all just kind of like standing there and he doesn't say anything to us and orders his drinks. And then goes, so we think he doesn't remember.

• 1:58:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Yeah. So he might've been heavily intoxicated. Okay. One of the many reasons he would have lost that tussle with Charlie.

• 1:58:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:59:01Speaker 01

  You think you're a big man? I could, when he started saying that, I was like.

• 1:59:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:59:06Speaker 01

  I was like, who do you think you are? Like, who? I mean, it's crazy, cause I was like, yeah, you're asking for him to hit you when you go up into his face.

• 1:59:17Dax Shepard?

  You're taunting a bear.

• 1:59:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, with your tattoos?

• 1:59:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Uh huh, uh huh.

• 1:59:22Speaker 01

  It was wild.

• 1:59:24Dax Shepard?

  Wow, how exciting.

• 1:59:25Speaker 01

  It was exciting.

• 1:59:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, very exciting.

• 1:59:27Speaker 01

  But they held us our money back.

• 1:59:29Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Okay, great. So that was one of two stories?

• 1:59:33Speaker 01

  Yes. Okay, this is a different male story.

• 1:59:37Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:59:37Speaker 01

  I was on the west side on Thursday. And once you get to the west side, depending on your timing, you have to stay there.

• 1:59:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you're there for the day.

• 1:59:49Speaker 01

  You're there for the day and to the night.

• 1:59:51Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, till traffic dies down at 8 PM.

• 1:59:53Speaker 01

  Exactly. So I was there and then I was like, okay, where do I go kill time? So I went to a place called Balter. It's a restaurant. It's in Brentwood. And I've been there before and I was like, they have like a loungy area. So I was like, I'll do work there. I have my computer. So I went and they were like, have a, um, seat wherever that doesn't say reserved. So I went, there was one table in the back that didn't say reserved. So I sat there. And there was like, obviously some sort of like gathering happening. Like it kind of looked like maybe it was like a work, post-work or work thing. Anyway, I'm sitting there and then this guy comes up to me, this man, and he was like, I haven't met you yet.

• 2:00:35Dax Shepard?

  How old?

• 2:00:36Speaker 01

  Um, I would say he, okay, I pretty much think everyone's 60.

• 2:00:40Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sounds like.

• 2:00:43Dax Shepard?

  People are your age or they're sixty? Or they're twenty?

• 2:00:47Speaker 01

  No, people are twenty-five or they're sixty.

• 2:00:49Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:00:50Speaker 01

  Um, and he came up to me and he said, I haven't met you yet. And I was like, oh, I'm not part of your party. And he was like, oh, and I said, but they told me to sit where, wherever I wanted, if it didn't say reserved and it doesn't say reserved. And he was like, oh, it's all reserved. And I was like, oh. Uh, and he was like, but you're, you're fine. You're fine. You're not bothering anyone like you stay. And I was like,

• 2:01:17Dax Shepard?

  Had it build up at this point with all the reserved tables?

• 2:01:20Speaker 01

  No, there was like a couple more, but like people were coming.

• 2:01:24Dax Shepard?

  They were filing in.

• 2:01:24Speaker 01

  And I was at a very, I was like at a big table, but that, cause I was the only one.

• 2:01:27Dax Shepard?

  Six stop or something?

• 2:01:29Speaker 01

  There was the only one that didn't say reserved.

• 2:01:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:31Speaker 01

  And, and I was like, well, no, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna like intrude. And he was like, no, no, no, no, you're fine. And then like the bartender server lady comes up and she's like, this is reserved. I was like, okay, yeah, it doesn't say it. Um, and so I sat here, but where should I go?

• 2:01:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:47Speaker 01

  And she was like, do you wanna sit at the bar? Like the actual bar. And I was like, well, am I allowed to with my computer? He said, yes. I was like, okay, great. I go, I sit at the bar. Now I am the first in like the front seat.

• 2:02:03Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. Where people would put in cocktail orders to your right, like the servers?

• 2:02:06Speaker 01

  Exactly. Except, okay, but it's on the left and there was one seat there. But yeah, it's like on the corner. I'm not sitting there, you know? So I'm workies and it's great. I'm getting my edits done. I always wonder, I'm like, people can see.

• 2:02:23Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:02:24Speaker 01

  So they're just seeing, um, me and you and

• 2:02:29Dax Shepard?

  Lizzo.

• 2:02:29Speaker 01

  Lizzo. Just like on my computer.

• 2:02:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:02:33Speaker 01

  Anyway, um, so I'm sitting there, I'm, I'm doing work and then I, I look over and the bartender like comes and he puts down this placemat, this leather placemat at the seat next to me. No one else has this, by the way. Um, and he puts like a knife and a fork. And I thought, huh, who is about to come sit here?

• 2:02:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the president maybe.

• 2:02:55Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:02:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:02:57Speaker 01

  So I'm kinda keeping an eye out and then a man comes and sits there. I don't recognize him, um, but I'm noticing that everyone, like the staff wise, is coming up to him and they're all like really engaging with him, hugging him. Sixty.

• 2:03:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. It's, I feel stupid asking.

• 2:03:21Speaker 01

  And, um, and I'm like, who is this guy?

• 2:03:25Dax Shepard?

  You love this. This has happened in New York.

• 2:03:27Speaker 01

  This happens to me all the time.

• 2:03:29Dax Shepard?

  Someone very VIP enters this scenario.

• 2:03:31Speaker 01

  Yes. I was like, uh,

• 2:03:34Dax Shepard?

  You're intrigued.

• 2:03:35Speaker 01

  Yep, I'm intrigued. People are, and then I think, but I have headphones in, so I can't hear that well. But I hear something about sports. I was like, maybe this guy like owns a sports team or something. And he was wearing a suit.

• 2:03:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay.

• 2:03:50Speaker 01

  So then I'm intrigued and then I take out my headphones to get a drink, right? So I'm just like, I take them out and I'm waiting for a second and he says,

• 2:04:01Dax Shepard?

  Seizes.

• 2:04:02Speaker 01

  Uh huh, he does. He says, it was like five forty or something. And he was like, you, you have to stop working at five forty-five. And I was like, oh, well, I don't think that's gonna happen. And he was like, um, well, they're gonna kick you out. But he was being very, very playful. I was not like nervous or anything, but I was like, oh, I guess I'll be on the street with my computer and my martini then. And then he laughed and laughed. Sure. That was so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and I was wearing a

• 2:04:33Dax Shepard?

  Amy Schumer joke, remember? Yeah. Oh my God, you're not gonna believe what she said.

• 2:04:38Speaker 01

  Kate Upton, ding ding ding, Upton's. Um, I was wearing a bandana that day. I've never worn one before. So I think I was feeling like a new personality.

• 2:04:46Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, persona going.

• 2:04:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:04:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:04:49Speaker 01

  Um, and she was cool, this girl, me. Um, so then, you know, we talk for another second or whatever. Get my drink. I like kinda put my headphones back in and then all, and then this other person comes up to me. Ex- shout out, extremely attractive man. Comes up to me.

• 2:05:12Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:12Speaker 01

  And I take my headphones and he said, are you Monica? I said, yes. He said, I'm a huge armchair.

• 2:05:17Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, and he was extremely attractive.

• 2:05:19Speaker 01

  Yes, he had to me James Marsden energy.

• 2:05:21Dax Shepard?

  Whoa, that's huge energy.

• 2:05:23Speaker 01

  Uh huh. And I was like, no, then my bandana was doing nothing for me. I was nervous.

• 2:05:29Dax Shepard?

  You're back to, yeah.

• 2:05:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05:30Dax Shepard?

  Being an ugly duckling.

• 2:05:31Speaker 01

  Monica. Um, and I was like, oh, that's so nice. He was like, you just had a birthday. Happy birthday. And I was like, thanks. Um, I'm editing. I always tell people that. I'm editing right now.

• 2:05:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, sure.

• 2:05:42Speaker 01

  Um, and

• 2:05:43Dax Shepard?

  Behind the curtain.

• 2:05:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then he said, he said, can I take a picture, uh, for my wife?

• 2:05:50Dax Shepard?

  Uh, bummer.

• 2:05:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05:51Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:05:52Speaker 01

  And, um, and I was like, sure, of course. And then he looks at this guy and he says, can you take a picture for us? And he hands the phone to him.

• 2:06:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, exciting. Now that, now the old timer is like, shit, this bitch is famous.

• 2:06:04Speaker 01

  So he says, yeah, he takes a picture. I say bye to the armchair. He walks away and this guy says, okay, well I, I need to know who you are.

• 2:06:13Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. He just said, I own the Cardinals.

• 2:06:19Speaker 04

  Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.

• 2:06:26Dax Shepard?

  This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time. But even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts. The stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now that's where ServiceNow's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish. Cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most, which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?

• 2:07:08Speaker 01

  They never are.

• 2:07:09Dax Shepard?

  To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com.

• 2:07:21Speaker 01

  I said, oh, I have a, I have a podcast. And he was like, oh, well, what is it? And I said, oh, it's called Armchair Expert. I, I host it with, um, Dax Shepard. And he was like, oh, he's like, you do look familiar. I was like, well, I know.

• 2:07:41Dax Shepard?

  I thought you were gonna say, you do look like Dax Shepard.

• 2:07:44Speaker 01

  I thought it was you, Dax.

• 2:07:48Speaker 01

  No, he said, you do look kind of familiar. I was like, well, I mean, if you don't listen to the show, you, it's probably not. He was like, well, I mean, I know, of course I know Dax. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, well, then I think I put my headphones back in or something.

• 2:08:00Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. There's so much action happening, dude.

• 2:08:03Speaker 01

  A lot is going on.

• 2:08:04Dax Shepard?

  This is like sitcom pacing.

• 2:08:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:08:06Dax Shepard?

  Like Cheers, now this person enters, that person exits. They open the door to this conversation. Yeah.

• 2:08:11Speaker 01

  Exactly. And so then I think I take my headphones out again or something and he seizes again. He's quick. He knows, you know?

• 2:08:18Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:19Speaker 01

  And he's like,

• 2:08:20Dax Shepard?

  It's like sitting next to someone on an airplane.

• 2:08:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. He said, I just doom scrolled you.

• 2:08:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

• 2:08:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he said, and I said, doom scroll? I was like, well, that's I think a bad thing. And he was like, my daughter, he has a 24 year old daughter, so my daughter calls it that. Um, and he was like, you're famous.

• 2:08:39Speaker 01

  And I said, I think you're famous based on what I can see has been going on here for the past hour.

• 2:08:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:46Speaker 01

  And I said, and I said, who are you?

• 2:08:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, nice.

• 2:08:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:08:49Dax Shepard?

  Split the script.

• 2:08:50Speaker 01

  Uh huh. My pantana was doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

• 2:08:53Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you were back to bandana mode.

• 2:08:54Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:08:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:08:55Speaker 01

  And then, then things start going wild, right? Like, he's like, oh no, I'm just a regular here. And I was like, mm, doesn't feel like that you have your own placemat. I know how this works. And, and, and then he said he works for some people.

• 2:09:12Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:09:12Speaker 01

  Um, and then, and, and then the bartender, this really nice bartender, Carlos. I learned about Carlos. He comes up and he was like,

• 2:09:21Dax Shepard?

  Not sixty?

• 2:09:22Speaker 01

  No, Carlos is not sixty.

• 2:09:24Dax Shepard?

  I had a hunch, she wasn't sixty.

• 2:09:25Speaker 01

  And, um, Carlos is joking with this man and he's like, how'd you get her to talk to you? I've been trying to talk to her.

• 2:09:33Dax Shepard?

  Well, Carlos is saying that now.

• 2:09:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:09:34Dax Shepard?

  You are the hit of this bar. You should go here all the time. I would never leave this place.

• 2:09:38Speaker 01

  Well, listen, so Balter is a very specific place. It is a specific vibe. People are there to meet people.

• 2:09:48Dax Shepard?

  Oh, great, great.

• 2:09:49Speaker 01

  Now, to me, it's, it's a type so west side. And so I think that's also like, The cultures in LA are very different. The West Side's very different from the East Side.

• 2:10:00Dax Shepard?

  Yep.

• 2:10:01Speaker 01

  So I think I felt kind of like in a fun way, fish out of water.

• 2:10:05Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. Yeah, yeah.

• 2:10:06Speaker 01

  Cause I'm in a bandana.

• 2:10:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:10:09Speaker 01

  A like terry cloth, Suzy Condi, great shirt, green shirt. You know, people are in pants, like loose pants. People are there in basically their underwear, you know? Like people are there looking sexy. It's very specific. And I guess this is Thursday night and Thursday night is live music night. And so it was like so packed.

• 2:10:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Okay. Wow.

• 2:10:35Speaker 01

  Um, and I think it gave me confidence because I was like, oh my God, like what is? This is such a scene.

• 2:10:42Dax Shepard?

  Yes, yes.

• 2:10:43Speaker 01

  And I think this person was intrigued by me because I was not doing this, you know? Playing this game.

• 2:10:51Dax Shepard?

  Me at the Four Seasons with the tattoos, like.

• 2:10:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:10:54Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but you were enjoying it.

• 2:10:56Speaker 01

  I was enjoying it and I wasn't on the prowl. Like if I was on the prowl, then I would be like, oh, I like look crazy.

• 2:11:02Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:11:03Speaker 01

  But I.

• 2:11:04Dax Shepard?

  But I'm saying you got to experience thing I'm always trying to say is like, oh yeah, I kind of dig that everyone.

• 2:11:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:11:10Dax Shepard?

  I'm not participating, which removes me from the stakes of it all.

• 2:11:13Speaker 01

  That's, yes, definitely. It removed me, it removed the stakes, but also, yeah, I just felt really confident in my bandana.

• 2:11:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, great.

• 2:11:21Speaker 01

  So then we start talking. I talked to this person for, I leave at nine.

• 2:11:28Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:11:28Speaker 01

  And we talked the whole time and then we have some other friends next to us that we make.

• 2:11:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, great.

• 2:11:34Speaker 01

  And.

• 2:11:35Dax Shepard?

  So he's like an hour and a half of talking or more?

• 2:11:37Speaker 01

  Like three and a half hours.

• 2:11:38Dax Shepard?

  Wow, this is a meet cute.

• 2:11:40Speaker 01

  And, and then like I eat some of his steak and I order a potato.

• 2:11:45Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, wow, this is so fun.

• 2:11:48Speaker 01

  It was.

• 2:11:49Dax Shepard?

  You were being hemmed and hawed over.

• 2:11:50Speaker 01

  I was, because then I ordered a Barolo shout out. If anyone wants to send me Barolo, it is my favorite wine.

• 2:11:57Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's a wine.

• 2:11:57Speaker 01

  It's a type of wine and it is very rarely on the menu as a, by the glass.

• 2:12:04Dax Shepard?

  Hmm. They want you to get the bottle.

• 2:12:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, but they had it by the glass. And so I ordered a Barolo and he said to Carlos, he said, oh, the perfect woman.

• 2:12:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh yeah, this is very.

• 2:12:15Speaker 01

  Cause he's Italian.

• 2:12:17Dax Shepard?

  The man was, not Carlos.

• 2:12:18Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:12:19Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Cause Carlos would go either way. I was thinking Latino, but.

• 2:12:22Speaker 01

  Oh, he actually could be Spanish.

• 2:12:25Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, Carlos signs.

• 2:12:27Speaker 01

  Exactly. Anyway, um, he, so, so that was fun. And, and we talked about everything. We talked about dating. Um, he's, he's looking, yeah, he's divorced, but he has a great relationship with his, um, ex-wife. And his, unfortunately his house burned down in the Palisades, which is very sad. But now I live in Beverly Hills and we talked and I asked him what happened in his marriage.

• 2:12:52Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:12:53Speaker 01

  And, um, I asked what he's looking for on a partner, all these things. I told him about the Dairy Queen story.

• 2:12:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, uh huh. Okay.

• 2:13:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. So we just.

• 2:13:03Dax Shepard?

  And how overt was he being? Was he going like, well, that's crazy because you are so beautiful. Was he going hard?

• 2:13:09Speaker 01

  He didn't say you're so beautiful, but he was giving me compliments.

• 2:13:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:13:15Speaker 01

  And we discussed trips, we discussed every, he knows everything about me.

• 2:13:19Dax Shepard?

  Wow, exciting.

• 2:13:20Speaker 01

  I was just enjoying him so much.

• 2:13:22Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 2:13:23Speaker 01

  Like I, and I was like, oh my God, this is my new friend. Like he's a fun friend.

• 2:13:28Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 2:13:29Speaker 01

  And I got his name, we exchanged numbers.

• 2:13:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:13:34Speaker 01

  And he paid for my, all my drinks.

• 2:13:36Dax Shepard?

  Sure, of course. He lives in Beverly Hills.

• 2:13:40Speaker 01

  Well, it was actually really cute because I obviously wanted to pay and I went to pay. And then Carlos, you know, gave me my check, but it was just a smiley face.

• 2:13:49Dax Shepard?

  Oh, nice. He gave Carlos the wink. He probably got it all like sorted.

• 2:13:55Speaker 01

  Dialed and at one point they gave me a placemat.

• 2:13:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh my goodness.

• 2:14:01Speaker 01

  I know. Cause I said, I said, oh my God, I mean, he gets this on.

• 2:14:04Dax Shepard?

  Do you ever hang out with him again?

• 2:14:05Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 2:14:06Dax Shepard?

  Because there's the, the elephant in the room is I'm sure he'd love to make love to you. So how do you?

• 2:14:12Speaker 01

  I'm not, I don't want, I would like to keep it as a friendship, but I also like, kind of like that it was like a, it was a, what's that called in the pan? Flash in the pan. Like it was like a really fun, just night.

• 2:14:24Dax Shepard?

  One off. Yeah, yeah.

• 2:14:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I like really just have a fondness for him and for that evening.

• 2:14:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:14:31Speaker 01

  And I don't really.

• 2:14:32Dax Shepard?

  This is how these older men woo you. It's like they just, they're just a good time. And then all of a sudden you're like.

• 2:14:36Speaker 01

  I mean, he's definitely listening to this.

• 2:14:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well.

• 2:14:39Speaker 01

  So shout out, you know who you are. Um, I did overhear him saying he's buying a house in Puglia.

• 2:14:45Dax Shepard?

  Where the hell's Puglia? Oh, Jesus.

• 2:14:48Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:14:50Dax Shepard?

  You're gonna be on a wooden Chris Craft boat on Lake Como.

• 2:14:54Speaker 01

  I did think, I thought this is how it happens.

• 2:14:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:14:57Speaker 01

  This is exactly how it happens. I'm like, and also he's great. Like he, he had a great personality. It was very, very enjoyable to talk to, funny, understood, funny, which was great.

• 2:15:11Dax Shepard?

  Key.

• 2:15:11Speaker 01

  And so like, I said, I would keep my eyes peeled for someone for him.

• 2:15:15Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh. More in his age range.

• 2:15:18Speaker 01

  I just, I don't know what he is, but I, I, I, I don't know. I just.

• 2:15:22Dax Shepard?

  Did you ask him what age he dates?

• 2:15:24Speaker 01

  I did.

• 2:15:24Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What'd he say?

• 2:15:25Speaker 01

  He said he doesn't have like, he doesn't have any restrictions on that.

• 2:15:29Dax Shepard?

  Twenty's fine.

• 2:15:31Speaker 01

  Basically, it's like 20, 30, 40. He was just like, it doesn't matter as, and then he gave me some requirements, which were good requirements. He liked that people had their own thing.

• 2:15:42Dax Shepard?

  Yes, of course.

• 2:15:43Speaker 01

  Which is what I also like.

• 2:15:44Dax Shepard?

  And me too.

• 2:15:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. So anyway, I, um.

• 2:15:48Dax Shepard?

  I don't want a passenger.

• 2:15:50Speaker 01

  Exactly. He didn't want a passenger. He wanted some, but he also did, because he was like, he's ready. He, you know, he's like, lived a big life already.

• 2:16:01Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:16:01Speaker 01

  And he's ready to like travel and do a bunch of things. So he kind, he want, he needs someone. So this is, I'm putting this out there for people who are interested and I can set you up.

• 2:16:10Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:16:11Speaker 01

  Um, he is.

• 2:16:13Dax Shepard?

  Twenty to 60, if you're listening.

• 2:16:15Speaker 01

  Interested in someone with purpose and has their own thing going on. But he also wants to travel and stuff and want a partner. He is in a little bit of a pickle here.

• 2:16:23Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:16:24Speaker 01

  But there's gonna be someone for him.

• 2:16:27Dax Shepard?

  Well, he sounds very charming.

• 2:16:28Speaker 01

  He was, he was fantastic.

• 2:16:30Dax Shepard?

  He got through to you.

• 2:16:31Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:16:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:16:33Speaker 01

  Extremely hard to do.

• 2:16:36Dax Shepard?

  I'm blown away by both parties.

• 2:16:38Speaker 01

  It was really fun.

• 2:16:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, those are both wonderful stories and I have a tiny one that's just not wonderful. It's just me telling to myself, only because it just came up in an armchair anonymous.

• 2:16:48Speaker 01

  Oh, what?

• 2:16:48Dax Shepard?

  And I wanted to tell you just because it was one of the more awkward things I've ever done.

• 2:16:52Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 2:16:53Dax Shepard?

  So this is back in Tennessee over the summer.

• 2:16:56Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 2:16:57Dax Shepard?

  Delta had a friend flying in.

• 2:16:58Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:16:59Dax Shepard?

  And that's a whole process. If an unaccompanied minor is flying.

• 2:17:03Speaker 01

  Oh, right. Yeah.

• 2:17:04Dax Shepard?

  So you gotta go to the airport, you know, you gotta, you declare yourself. They need all this information on you. Great. And you gotta get there really early, um, to get a, not a boarding pass, but a pass that can get you through security to get you to the gate, right?

• 2:17:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:17:19Dax Shepard?

  So I left the house and I was like, okay, I gotta go pick up my, um, high flexor 2000. That's my zapping instrument. And, and, and because it required signature, I had it delivered to Walgreens because I was afraid we wouldn't be home.

• 2:17:34Speaker 01

  Oh, smart. Okay.

• 2:17:35Dax Shepard?

  You ever do this?

• 2:17:36Speaker 01

  I don't, I should do it.

• 2:17:37Dax Shepard?

  Just to everyone in the world, no more signatures.

• 2:17:40Speaker 01

  I agree. Did Delta go with you?

• 2:17:43Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 2:17:43Speaker 01

  Oh, it's just you. Okay.

• 2:17:44Dax Shepard?

  It was just me because it was hours, right? I was gonna have to be there early then whatever. And she wouldn't have been able to come through the gate.

• 2:17:51Speaker 01

  Oh, she can't?

• 2:17:52Dax Shepard?

  Right. So when I leave her in the lobby of the airport. So anyways, I leave my house and I, I'm on the edge of me being comfortable. I'm like, I gotta get to the airport and check in. I want to make sure this little girl isn't getting off of a flight for a first time flying by herself and I'm not standing there.

• 2:18:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:18:08Dax Shepard?

  So I'm a little stressed about that. I probably shouldn't have tried to pick up the thing. But like, I'll just turn left, it's just a mile and then I'll be back on track. So I go into the Walgreens and I say like, hey, I'm picking up a package. And he's like, okay, the name. And I say, Dax Shepard, and here's the address. And so, uh, she can't really find the box, but I can see the box. We're already in that situation, right? And I'm like, why can't she see that? But I think it might be that one, right? So, so she gets the box and then she comes up and I show her my license and it says my name on the back. So she goes, okay, the tracking number?

• 2:18:41Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:18:42Dax Shepard?

  And I go, oh, I don't, I don't know the tracking number. And she's like, well, I can't give you this unless you have the tracking number. And I go, even though it says my name on there and I'm showing you my license, no. I go, okay, let me go out to the car to get my phone to see if I can find this tracking number. So I go out to the car, I get my phone and you know, you would think it'd be easy to find it. It's not easy to find. I get so many emails from FedEx and UPS. I don't even know which carrier it's been sent by at this point. I'm going through forever and now I'm starting to get like, oh, fuck man. What if I can't find this? You know, I'm getting a little stressed.

• 2:19:16Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 2:19:17Dax Shepard?

  Finally I find it.

• 2:19:18Speaker 01

  Great.

• 2:19:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh my gosh, I find it. And as I'm turning to show her the phone, she doesn't even look. She goes, okay. And then she grabs this tablet, right? And I'm already like, you didn't even look at the tracking number.

• 2:19:30Speaker 01

  Okay, so you're getting agitated.

• 2:19:32Dax Shepard?

  Why did we have to do that?

• 2:19:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:19:34Dax Shepard?

  Like what is this protocol? It doesn't make a ton of sense to me. And then she gets out the, this iPhone-y type thing, the sign. I go, okay, no problem. I sign and I go, uh, I'm about to grab the package. She goes, no, we gotta initial some places. And then so it's like she finds and then one of the places to do an initial, I do one of the initials. I go to grab the box and then she goes, hold on, we got more. And she's now she's scrolling through the thing and I, I, I, I just kind of snapped. I go, and this is, I go,

• 2:20:11Dax Shepard?

  I love you, but I'm taking this box. I gotta go. And I just grabbed my high flexor.

• 2:20:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:20:17Dax Shepard?

  And I walk out and I get in the car and I go, I just said to her, I love you, but I have to take this box and I have to go.

• 2:20:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:20:27Dax Shepard?

  And I'm like, why, why did I say that? Why did I say I love you? And then I was like, oh, it's because almost every time I have to, we get to that point with the kids and I gotta go, I love you, but we're not going to that restaurant at nine o'clock at night. It's always, I love you. And here's terrible news, right? And I'm so muscle memory that just imagine you're her and I go, I, I love you, but I'm taking this package.

• 2:20:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's pretty wild.

• 2:20:53Dax Shepard?

  It's so weird.

• 2:20:54Speaker 01

  Although I do, I think a lot of people are used to hearing that.

• 2:20:58Dax Shepard?

  I love you.

• 2:20:59Speaker 01

  I love you, but.

• 2:21:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. So maybe to her, she didn't even.

• 2:21:02Speaker 01

  You cannot do that. Like I say that.

• 2:21:04Dax Shepard?

  I gotta get to the airport, pick up this little girl, you know, that's that, but, but I love you.

• 2:21:08Speaker 01

  If you said that, I love you, but I have to go little girl from the airport.

• 2:21:11Dax Shepard?

  Shipped in a little girl from another state.

• 2:21:13Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:21:15Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:21:15Speaker 01

  Now I have a question. So you pick up Delta's friend.

• 2:21:18Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 2:21:18Speaker 01

  And how was the car ride with you and this little girl, just you two?

• 2:21:22Dax Shepard?

  Well, I know her so well now. She's around nonstop. Yeah. So I know her really well. She's at our house nonstop and I drive her home all the, well, Delta obviously always comes when I drive her home.

• 2:21:33Speaker 01

  Saying, I actually think like, I'm putting myself in the position of her.

• 2:21:37Dax Shepard?

  For her, that did cross my mind like, oh my God, she got to ride with somebody's dad.

• 2:21:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:21:41Dax Shepard?

  For 20 minutes.

• 2:21:42Speaker 01

  That would scare me. I was scared of people's dads.

• 2:21:44Dax Shepard?

  When she was getting, I'm starting to get panicked because I'm watching everyone come off this flight. And you know, often there's like, there's these huge gaps.

• 2:21:53Speaker 01

  Oh, I know.

• 2:21:53Dax Shepard?

  Cause some, someone can't get their bag out or whatever. So I keep thinking, oh my God, she's not on this flight. Now what am I gonna do? Like I had five mini panics.

• 2:22:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:22:03Dax Shepard?

  And there was a huge gap and I'm certain I'm watching the last person get off the plane, then this long, long gap. And then I see her coming at me down the gangway with this, uh, flight attendant.

• 2:22:14Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:22:15Dax Shepard?

  And she like looks at me and throws up like double peace signs. And I'm like, oh, she's a gangster. She didn't care at all about flying on her own. We've also taken this, I, I think I told you, I took, uh, her to Disneyland with Delta on her birthday and she's the one that wanted to ride the rides with Ryan and I over and over again, like the ones that were too scary. She doesn't give a fuck.

• 2:22:34Speaker 01

  Okay. Well, I love that. Um.

• 2:22:37Dax Shepard?

  So she was fine. We just.

• 2:22:38Speaker 01

  That's good for her because I, I would be so scared to ride with someone's dad.

• 2:22:42Dax Shepard?

  Sure. Yeah.

• 2:22:43Speaker 01

  And like, when are we gonna talk? Like, do I have to talk to him? I really.

• 2:22:47Dax Shepard?

  I already had prepared, like she, I know she, where she had been in that summer. I know who she's with. I know her family members. So I had many of questions to keep the ball rolling.

• 2:22:57Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:22:58Dax Shepard?

  The whole ride home. And it was a lovely ride home. And yeah, it wasn't awkward at all.

• 2:23:01Speaker 01

  Good. That reminds me, when I was little, littler, um, in middle school, I would go to my best friend Gina's house a lot. And, uh, her dad and mom were around a lot, but her dad picked us up a lot. And, um, he was, he's still a very cool person, cool dad. Um, and, but like, yeah, I would be really quiet around her dad. Um, and then he said once to Gina, he said, what's going on with Monica? Like she's so quiet, but then when she's in the room with you, like we can hear her, like she's like so exuberant.

• 2:23:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:23:39Speaker 01

  And I was so embarrassed.

• 2:23:41Dax Shepard?

  Oh, about that observation that been made? Okay.

• 2:23:45Speaker 01

  And I didn't like that, you know, because I was like, well, now I don't know what to do. Like I guess I need to be.

• 2:23:51Dax Shepard?

  Turn it down or turn it up.

• 2:23:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:23:52Dax Shepard?

  I think turn it up on the dad's side.

• 2:23:54Speaker 01

  I mean, over time, I ended up knowing him my whole life. So like, over time, he did get the full me.

• 2:24:00Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:24:01Speaker 01

  But I was just taught to be like, don't talk to people, adults, you know?

• 2:24:06Dax Shepard?

  It'd be my preference. I'm never with a kid by myself.

• 2:24:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:24:10Dax Shepard?

  I just, I would prefer to not be, you know?

• 2:24:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 2:24:15Dax Shepard?

  I don't like, you know, there are times when I'm taking her home and maybe Delta's been told it's time to get ready for bed. And I always go, no, no, you're coming with me. I'm not, I don't wanna be.

• 2:24:25Speaker 01

  Alone.

• 2:24:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I just, I just, you know?

• 2:24:27Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 2:24:28Dax Shepard?

  It's just preferable to me that one of my kids always present if I'm with someone.

• 2:24:33Speaker 01

  Exactly. That's why.

• 2:24:34Dax Shepard?

  And I would imagine the parents would prefer that too, as I would prefer.

• 2:24:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:24:39Dax Shepard?

  That mom joins or the friend joins. Yeah.

• 2:24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. So interesting.

• 2:24:43Dax Shepard?

  It really is.

• 2:24:44Speaker 01

  Okay. We do have facts.

• 2:24:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great.

• 2:24:45Speaker 01

  This is for Lizzo. Okay. Some facts for Lizzo.

• 2:24:49Dax Shepard?

  Yes.

• 2:24:51Speaker 01

  Does Kmart still exist? And then you said in Mexico, maybe.

• 2:24:55Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:24:55Speaker 01

  Um, three locations do remain worldwide.

• 2:24:58Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:24:59Speaker 01

  Miami.

• 2:25:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:25:01Speaker 01

  But it's a small format store operating in a former garden center. So it's not the old kind. Okay. Charlotte Amalie, US Virgin Islands.

• 2:25:13Dax Shepard?

  Wonderful. That might even be worth me planning a vacation around that.

• 2:25:17Speaker 01

  It says a larger department store.

• 2:25:19Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:25:19Speaker 01

  And then Guam.

• 2:25:21Dax Shepard?

  Guam.

• 2:25:22Speaker 01

  Also a larger department store.

• 2:25:23Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 2:25:24Speaker 01

  Um, but it says.

• 2:25:25Dax Shepard?

  Poor Kmart family.

• 2:25:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:25:28Dax Shepard?

  I hate when.

• 2:25:29Speaker 01

  Things go under.

• 2:25:30Dax Shepard?

  Go under. Yeah.

• 2:25:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 2:25:32Dax Shepard?

  I told you, I saw the Kmart mansion was for sale. I think so. Maybe even how that even came up.

• 2:25:36Speaker 01

  No, it didn't.

• 2:25:38Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, there's a mansion for sale in Michigan. Oh my God. I think maybe even Jack White owned it or some, some Detroit famous person owned it and bought it for like, I wanna say 10 or 12 million dollars at one point. And then now it's for sale for like three, seven or something, but it's this huge castle on like all this property.

• 2:25:56Speaker 01

  Why is it just declining in value?

• 2:25:59Dax Shepard?

  I think the same way these castles in England, they cost so much to keep up. They're just like, you know, they're, everything's a hundred and 20 years old inside and it's all separated by concrete and, and stone, you know, it's not easy to access. I just think it's a beat down to keep these things.

• 2:26:17Speaker 01

  That sucks.

• 2:26:18Dax Shepard?

  Operational.

• 2:26:18Speaker 01

  Okay. Is Devil's Night only in, uh, Michigan? Yes. Using the specific name Devil's Night for the night before Halloween, October 30th, is primarily a Michigan tradition, especially centered around Detroit. But says there are, while other places do not call it Devil's Night, many regions across the US and the UK have a similar night of pranks and minor vandalism. They use different local names. Mischief Night.

• 2:26:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Not as fun.

• 2:26:46Speaker 01

  That's common in New Jersey, parts of New York, Pennsylvania, and parts of England. Goosey Night. That's used in parts of New Jersey. It sounds like New Jersey.

• 2:26:54Dax Shepard?

  Well, we know New Jersey is, yeah.

• 2:26:57Speaker 01

  Um, Cabbage Night, common in upstate New York and parts of New England. Gate Night, used in places like Bay City, Michigan.

• 2:27:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Bay City.

• 2:27:08Speaker 01

  And then Beggar's Night, observed in areas like Des Moines, Iowa.

• 2:27:13Dax Shepard?

  I gotta say, we have the coolest name for it. Devil's Night?

• 2:27:16Speaker 01

  Well, it's like.

• 2:27:16Dax Shepard?

  We go hardcore.

• 2:27:17Speaker 01

  Cut to the chase. Yeah. Goosey Night is silly goose.

• 2:27:22Dax Shepard?

  Or you pinch people's butts.

• 2:27:24Speaker 01

  Why?

• 2:27:25Dax Shepard?

  That's what you call goosing someone.

• 2:27:27Speaker 01

  You do?

• 2:27:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Like it feels like a goose bit your butt. You never grew up hearing that. My mom always says it.

• 2:27:34Speaker 01

  Oh, she did?

• 2:27:35Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Then he goose me.

• 2:27:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 2:27:37Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Or you can say goose the tharawa too.

• 2:27:40Speaker 01

  I think pinching butts is out of favor. Like.

• 2:27:43Dax Shepard?

  It's very cute.

• 2:27:44Speaker 01

  I think it was an eighties thing.

• 2:27:46Dax Shepard?

  It was huge in my junior high and elementary and high school.

• 2:27:49Speaker 01

  Eighties, nineties. But I, like, no one was doing that.

• 2:27:52Dax Shepard?

  And I just loved, I was at my locker and someone, I felt someone pinch my butt and I turned around. I was one of the rascally girls and I loved it. It was so fun.

• 2:27:59Speaker 01

  I know. I just don't think it's in anymore.

• 2:28:01Dax Shepard?

  I don't think you're allowed to touch, you grab anyone anymore.

• 2:28:04Speaker 01

  Well, if they're your boyfriend or girlfriend.

• 2:28:06Dax Shepard?

  Sure. Sure.

• 2:28:07Speaker 01

  But even that, I'm saying, I don't think is like a thing.

• 2:28:10Dax Shepard?

  Um, Delta does a lot of butt pinching with her friends, her friends.

• 2:28:14Speaker 01

  She got that from you.

• 2:28:15Dax Shepard?

  But she didn't.

• 2:28:18Speaker 01

  I think she did. Okay. I was looking up some urban legends because we, we talk about urban legends. Um, now which, what do you wanna hear? Do you wanna hear 50?

• 2:28:30Speaker 01

  The spookiest urban legends from every state. We could pick some states. Just a list of urban legends. That sounds dumb. But then the others are like from a long time. I want to do this one. Okay, it's from Reader's Digest.

• 2:28:43Dax Shepard?

  Ooh, blast from the past. Kmart, Reader's Digest.

• 2:28:46Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:28:47Dax Shepard?

  Urban legends.

• 2:28:48Speaker 01

  Okay, do you want to pick a state?

• 2:28:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I do. Um, I want to pick Florida.

• 2:28:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:28:54Dax Shepard?

  I mean, we should probably save that to last, but.

• 2:28:56Speaker 01

  Okay, ready?

• 2:28:57Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:28:57Speaker 01

  Florida is Captain Tony's. Since 1852, Captain Tony's, the oldest saloon in Key West, has been known to be haunted. Doors slammed for no apparent reason, and there are inexplicable banging noises and frequent ghostly visitations. But why? Well, the building itself has a long and storied history, one that includes being built around a tree that the town wants used for hangings. Eee, and for being the side of the town's original morgue. Many died around that tree, including a young woman who allegedly murdered her husband and two sons. She was hanged in a blue dress covered in blood, and she hasn't left the scene, appearing to patrons as the lady in blue.

• 2:29:32Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. So that's more of a ghost story than urban legend.

• 2:29:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think these are those.

• 2:29:37Dax Shepard?

  Ghost stories.

• 2:29:38Speaker 01

  It says urban legends, but let's look at Michigan.

• 2:29:40Dax Shepard?

  Do Georgia.

• 2:29:41Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, because let's see if we know.

• 2:29:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm waiting for a hot dog or a Pepsi bottle or a vacuum cleaner.

• 2:29:48Speaker 01

  Uh oh, I don't know this. Georgia, the song of the cell.

• 2:29:52Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:29:52Speaker 01

  As urban legend goes, in 1848, Elick and his wife Betsy.

• 2:29:56Dax Shepard?

  Was this gonna be in Savannah?

• 2:29:58Speaker 01

  Probably, yeah.

• 2:29:59Dax Shepard?

  Right.

• 2:29:59Speaker 01

  Both enslaved people.

• 2:30:01Dax Shepard?

  Okay, bad start.

• 2:30:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. God, Georgia.

• 2:30:04Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah.

• 2:30:06Speaker 01

  Were in their home one night when their, this is a bad, this is bad.

• 2:30:10Dax Shepard?

  Their, their master?

• 2:30:11Speaker 01

  Yes. Were in their home one night when their master, drunk and belligerent, crashed through the door. He attempted to attack Betsy, but Elick fought him off. Undeterred, the master, I hate saying that.

• 2:30:21Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:30:21Speaker 01

  The master chased Elick up a ladder into a loft. As the struggle continued, the master lost his balance, fell out of the loft and died. I don't, I can't say I miss him. Even though Elick turned himself into the sheriff the next morning, ah. Explaining that what had happened was self-defense, he was still charged with murder.

• 2:30:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 2:30:40Speaker 01

  A common occurrence in the antebellum South, Elick was imprisoned in the old Lawrenceville jail. Lawrenceville's near me. And like, and later.

• 2:30:48Dax Shepard?

  Those ones over there.

• 2:30:49Speaker 01

  And later executed unjustly for the crime. People say they can still hear his sorrowful song through the walls of the old jail. This is horrible.

• 2:30:58Dax Shepard?

  These are like ghost stories.

• 2:31:00Speaker 01

  All right, let's look at Michigan. I hated that. And I'm disappointed.

• 2:31:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the ma, the word master, you know, it was, it has so many different meanings and applications. And then this one uh, gross one. And it's got the power to take down the word entirely. Like they've dumped different master bedroom.

• 2:31:20Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:31:20Dax Shepard?

  You got master cylinder, you got, uh, you know, but what if you're a master, master class?

• 2:31:27Speaker 01

  Did you hear mine?

• 2:31:28Dax Shepard?

  Masturbator, yes, that's.

• 2:31:30Speaker 01

  That was a funny joke. Okay, ready? Michigan.

• 2:31:32Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. But what about people like that are masters at things? Don't you feel bad for them a little bit?

• 2:31:37Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:31:38Dax Shepard?

  That was a good distinction.

• 2:31:39Speaker 01

  I know, but you.

• 2:31:40Dax Shepard?

  He's a master carpenter, she's a master saler.

• 2:31:42Speaker 01

  I think you just say expert, like we do.

• 2:31:45Dax Shepard?

  Okay, all right. What if this had been called armchair master?

• 2:31:48Speaker 01

  No, I wouldn't have allowed that.

• 2:31:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 2:31:51Speaker 01

  Okay, ready? Michigan. The Nain Rouge. Ever heard of it?

• 2:31:54Dax Shepard?

  Well, Rouge, we have the River Rouge, which is red, right, in French?

• 2:31:59Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Do you know what Nain is?

• 2:32:02Dax Shepard?

  No.

• 2:32:03Speaker 01

  It's dwarf.

• 2:32:05Dax Shepard?

  The red dwarf?

• 2:32:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:32:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 2:32:07Speaker 01

  This is one of the urban legends still recognized today and is celebrated by the people of Detroit every year. They say there's a, they say there's a devilish creature known as the Nain Rouge, French for red dwarf, who causes mayhem in the city. Small and red, this is Devil's Night, probably.

• 2:32:24Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 2:32:24Speaker 01

  Small and red with a piercing cacklish laugh. He's thought to be seen when disaster is about to strike and is even said to be the reason for the Cadillac Company's downfall in the city.

• 2:32:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 2:32:35Speaker 01

  That one was less offensive.

• 2:32:37Dax Shepard?

  Out of the city. I guess he hates the city.

• 2:32:40Speaker 01

  He's a rascal.

• 2:32:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's up.

• 2:32:41Speaker 01

  He's a devil. Okay, well, those weren't really urban legends, so.

• 2:32:45Dax Shepard?

  Not as we normally think of them.

• 2:32:46Speaker 01

  That was annoying. Okay, now, a couple, though. Bloody Mary. We all know Bloody Mary. Do you know Bloody Mary? You don't know Bloody Mary?

• 2:32:54Dax Shepard?

  Or you can't say it in the mirror?

• 2:32:55Speaker 01

  A famous mirror ritual where chanting a name multiple times in a dark room summons a vengeful spirit. I once had a sleepover and invited my friend and told her about this, and she had to go home.

• 2:33:05Dax Shepard?

  Oh, God, you spooked her that much?

• 2:33:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:33:08Dax Shepard?

  Oops.

• 2:33:10Speaker 01

  The Hook Handed Killer, a cautionary tale about a maniac with a prosthetic hook attacking young couples parked in secluded areas. I think I've heard that one.

• 2:33:19Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, started by the moral majority to prevent.

• 2:33:22Speaker 01

  Ew, I've definitely heard of this one. Okay, The Licked Hand. A story about a girl who thinks her dog is licking her hand at night only to find the animal murdered and an intruder under her bed. I've heard this.

• 2:33:32Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh, that feels familiar.

• 2:33:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:33:35Dax Shepard?

  Again, like I was saying, the expert that was telling us about it is like, it's these weird details that end up being sticky. So it's like licking the hand. Right? That's what makes it memorable.

• 2:33:45Speaker 01

  And the dead animal.

• 2:33:46Dax Shepard?

  Coffin with the.

• 2:33:47Speaker 01

  I know, that's your.

• 2:33:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:33:51Dax Shepard?

  Like, why would he, where would one get a, he's a woodworker? He made a miniature coffin?

• 2:33:56Speaker 01

  Ooh, Slender Man. I've heard of that.

• 2:33:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah. I saw a doc on that.

• 2:34:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too. Okay, now, can you catch things from a public toilet seat? Um, you are extremely unlikely to catch an infection or sexually transmitted disease from sitting on a toilet seat.

• 2:34:13Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, unless you're married.

• 2:34:16Speaker 01

  I know, that was, we already said that.

• 2:34:20Speaker 01

  Um, okay, it says fragile germs. Most bacteria and viruses that cause STDs or illnesses die very quickly when they leave the human body and hit a dry, hard surface. Healthy skin acts as a strong protective shield against germs. To get sick live germs from the seat, we need to directly enter an open wound or your mucus membranes, which is rare from simply sitting down. Also, no, because what if.

• 2:34:40Dax Shepard?

  You've never gotten your vagina on the edge of the seat.

• 2:34:43Speaker 01

  I guarantee people have gotten their vagina on the seat.

• 2:34:46Dax Shepard?

  Have you?

• 2:34:47Speaker 01

  I hover. But a lot of people sit, and I could see, what if they kind of fall and then they sit?

• 2:34:53Dax Shepard?

  Well, you'd have to sit on this, the corner of the toilet to accomplish this.

• 2:34:57Speaker 01

  No, like.

• 2:34:58Dax Shepard?

  And then, let's just do the math. Yeah, you gotta like sidesaddle the seat, which is insane. I just don't see that happening. Additionally, the person before you had to sidesaddle it to get the STD on that area of the toilet.

• 2:35:12Speaker 01

  Not sidesaddle. Okay, let's say.

• 2:35:15Dax Shepard?

  For the listener, Monica's pointing at the.

• 2:35:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:35:18Dax Shepard?

  Little, whatever this is called.

• 2:35:20Speaker 01

  Toilet.

• 2:35:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, the U.

• 2:35:22Speaker 01

  Uh huh. So, okay.

• 2:35:25Dax Shepard?

  The outside of your cheeks go on.

• 2:35:27Speaker 01

  Unbuttoning.

• 2:35:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:35:29Speaker 01

  Ah!

• 2:35:30Dax Shepard?

  Now, it, it, because you would have put your butt cheek in the big hole, and you would have fallen over to the side into the water.

• 2:35:37Speaker 01

  Look, okay, I know. So if you're hovering, you're hovering like this.

• 2:35:40Dax Shepard?

  There's, no, you would have been touching the front where there's no seat. And again.

• 2:35:43Speaker 01

  The seats, let's go. I'm gonna take a picture.

• 2:35:45Dax Shepard?

  I don't, I'm interested in why you're incentivized for STDs to be contagious on toilet seats.

• 2:35:51Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'm just trying to talk things through, okay? As a woman who sits on toilet seats and you're a man.

• 2:35:57Dax Shepard?

  You just told me that you hover, but.

• 2:35:58Speaker 01

  I mean, at mine, I sit. Like, you're a man, you stand.

• 2:36:02Dax Shepard?

  Yes, well, not when I go number two.

• 2:36:04Speaker 01

  Right, so, but that's different. Okay, so also, um, it does say toile, what you might actually encounter, gut bacteria.

• 2:36:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 2:36:15Speaker 01

  Toilet seats can carry small amounts of bacteria, like E. coli or strep.

• 2:36:18Dax Shepard?

  Mm hmm.

• 2:36:19Speaker 01

  Disgusting. Okay, uh, can you get an STD from a hot tub? You, you cannot. From just sitting in or soaking in the water of a hot tub.

• 2:36:30Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, unless you're married.

• 2:36:31Speaker 01

  Um, they die very, oh.

• 2:36:33Dax Shepard?

  That's such a good joke.

• 2:36:35Speaker 01

  Very quickly outside the human body.

• 2:36:38Dax Shepard?

  And there's chlorine.

• 2:36:39Speaker 01

  It says you do not catch an STD from the water itself.

• 2:36:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, you'd have to be sliding down the handrail with your vagina.

• 2:36:45Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're saying you could?

• 2:36:48Dax Shepard?

  If you slid down and the, and someone else had just slid down.

• 2:36:52Speaker 01

  Have done that for sure, and they're, they're doing.

• 2:36:54Dax Shepard?

  Their vagina would rip it apart. You know that. Even in your drunkest state, you would never think it was a good idea. Job the hot dog bun, the handrail.

• 2:37:03Speaker 01

  I wouldn't. But I've been around so many people who are drunk, and then they're trying to impress the boys, and then the boy slides down like, I'll be fun! And then they do that.

• 2:37:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay.

• 2:37:15Speaker 01

  What does Joel Olsteen own?

• 2:37:18Dax Shepard?

  Ooh.

• 2:37:19Speaker 01

  Um.

• 2:37:20Dax Shepard?

  What does Joel Olsteen owe?

• 2:37:23Speaker 01

  Right. A seventeen thousand square foot mansion in Houston, Texas, valued at approximately ten point five million dollars to fourteen million dollars. His net worth is estimated between fifty million and a hundred million. Um, he does not take a salary from Lakewood Church. His wealth comes from bestselling book royalties, speaking engagements, and media projects. So he, his mega church purchased and moved into the Compaq Center, originally known as the Summit in Houston, Texas Arena. That was the home of the Houston Rockets.

• 2:37:56Dax Shepard?

  Did he ever own the Charlotte Arena? Was he there?

• 2:37:59Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 2:38:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. So there's another mega church owner that has the Charlotte Arena.

• 2:38:03Speaker 01

  Okay. Unfortunately, you were wrong. In Run DMC, they wore Adidas, not Phyllas.

• 2:38:12Dax Shepard?

  Makes sense. They did have a song about it.

• 2:38:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:38:15Dax Shepard?

  Wonder who wore Phyllas?

• 2:38:16Speaker 01

  Well, Lizzo did. Okay, how to pronounce flutist, flautist? So it's based on region, kind of, um.

• 2:38:25Dax Shepard?

  Chef's choice.

• 2:38:26Speaker 01

  British English is flautist. American English is flautist.

• 2:38:34Dax Shepard?

  Uh huh.

• 2:38:34Speaker 01

  Um, though flautist is also used. She's, and it says the more common North American alternative pronounced flutist. So I guess any, but I would say flautist.

• 2:38:44Dax Shepard?

  I'm gonna stick with flautist, because it took me the longest to learn.

• 2:38:48Speaker 01

  You can't unlearn that. Okay, now, we talked about Morning Becomes Eclectic, and you said the guy that runs it, like, ended up doing a lot of stuff for.

• 2:38:57Dax Shepard?

  Music supervision.

• 2:38:58Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Was it Tom Schnabel or Schnabel?

• 2:39:01Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 2:39:02Speaker 01

  He was the show's originator.

• 2:39:04Dax Shepard?

  I know the person I'm talking about did, uh, some music placement on Parenthood. And I'm embarrassed, I don't know.

• 2:39:10Speaker 01

  Was it, would you know it if I said it? Chris Doritos?

• 2:39:16Dax Shepard?

  Doritos?

• 2:39:22Speaker 01

  It really sounds like that. That sucks.

• 2:39:26Dax Shepard?

  Could have been Chris Toritos.

• 2:39:28Speaker 01

  Nick Hardcourt?

• 2:39:30Dax Shepard?

  Nick Hardcourt.

• 2:39:31Speaker 01

  Jason Bentley?

• 2:39:32Dax Shepard?

  I'm just, I'm really sorry. I'm not gonna know the name.

• 2:39:34Speaker 01

  And Lit? Novena Carmel and Anthony Valladolid?

• 2:39:38Dax Shepard?

  So lots of people were programming, I guess.

• 2:39:40Speaker 01

  Well, these are over the course of time.

• 2:39:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:39:43Speaker 01

  But if you were, if it was parenthood, that would have been.

• 2:39:47Dax Shepard?

  2012.

• 2:39:48Speaker 01

  That would have been Jason Bentley.

• 2:39:50Dax Shepard?

  Okay, that sounds right.

• 2:39:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:39:53Dax Shepard?

  I'm trying to remember Larry telling me his name 14 years ago, and I just don't have it.

• 2:39:58Speaker 01

  I understand.

• 2:39:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:40:00Speaker 01

  Okay, um, what's a Colorado mimosa, often called a colomosa? Hard cider based twist on the classic champagne cocktail made by mixing traditional hard cider with fresh orange and lime juice.

• 2:40:12Dax Shepard?

  Yummy.

• 2:40:13Speaker 01

  Okay, the top most viewed Tiny Desk concerts, because you said Anderson Paak's was the biggest ever. You were just saying words.

• 2:40:21Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:40:21Speaker 01

  Um, Dua Lipa is the biggest, 142 million views.

• 2:40:26Dax Shepard?

  Wowzers.

• 2:40:28Speaker 01

  Then Mac Miller.

• 2:40:29Dax Shepard?

  Ah.

• 2:40:30Speaker 01

  137 million, then Anderson Paak.

• 2:40:34Dax Shepard?

  At what?

• 2:40:35Speaker 01

  118 million.

• 2:40:36Dax Shepard?

  Okay, let's get Anderson up there to the top of the leaderboard.

• 2:40:38Speaker 01

  Well, also Lizzo, remember she said she has a, um, under, under watched.

• 2:40:42Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, watch hers first, but also let's get Anderson in the number one slot.

• 2:40:48Speaker 01

  Um, all right.

• 2:40:50Dax Shepard?

  Mac Miller, that, that was my introduction, uh.

• 2:40:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:40:55Dax Shepard?

  Somehow, when, you know, as I told the story.

• 2:40:58Speaker 01

  Tiny Desk is so great.

• 2:41:00Dax Shepard?

  It's so cool. Good for them, man.

• 2:41:02Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:41:03Speaker 03

  Found, I found a Fila.

• 2:41:05Speaker 01

  Tupac wore Fila's?

• 2:41:06Dax Shepard?

  Tupac's in some Fila's.

• 2:41:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:41:09Dax Shepard?

  That's cool. And he's in front of a Jaguar XJS.

• 2:41:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, uh, for an insert of one of his albums. He wore them. They were Grant Hill sneakers.

• 2:41:23Dax Shepard?

  Ah, Detroit, ding ding ding. What a player, Grant Hill. Always led the league in triple doubles.

• 2:41:29Speaker 01

  Something just happened with Tupac.

• 2:41:32Dax Shepard?

  His murderer was convicted.

• 2:41:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:41:34Dax Shepard?

  Yesterday or the day before.

• 2:41:35Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:41:36Dax Shepard?

  Some 18 years later, or whatever it was.

• 2:41:38Speaker 01

  Wild.

• 2:41:39Dax Shepard?

  Just think about having murdered someone and you've gotten away with it for like a decade. When do you start thinking like, well, I guess I'm probably.

• 2:41:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:41:47Dax Shepard?

  I think 14 years in, I would be like, I guess I got away with it.

• 2:41:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely.

• 2:41:52Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:41:52Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 2:41:53Dax Shepard?

  Can never get comfy. That's the one of the.

• 2:41:56Speaker 01

  Scary.

• 2:41:58Dax Shepard?

  Prices you pay for being a murderer is, the rest of your life, you're like, am I going to prison?

• 2:42:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Do you think they like it? Kind of like what happened with, um, Steve at the pool? Like, like they kind of get off on like.

• 2:42:13Dax Shepard?

  Well, you know what? I, I have a little bit of a moral conundrum. Sometimes these people get brought to justice like 30 years after the fact, you read about them.

• 2:42:21Speaker 01

  I know.

• 2:42:21Dax Shepard?

  It's like, when you read an 82 year old's getting sentenced to life, I kind of don't like it. I'm like, well, obviously they didn't kill a bunch more people or do a bunch more shit.

• 2:42:31Speaker 01

  Unless they did, like Robert Durst.

• 2:42:34Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 2:42:35Speaker 01

  So, but I agree. If it's like a one and done, but it's still like.

• 2:42:39Dax Shepard?

  It's just like, well, fuck, they were already out for 30 years. They didn't cause any more wreckage. Do we really need to now spend money to make an old person die in jail? It gets tricky for me.

• 2:42:48Speaker 01

  It is tricky.

• 2:42:49Dax Shepard?

  I wouldn't, it wouldn't be tricky for me. It was my loved one that was hurt.

• 2:42:52Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:42:53Dax Shepard?

  But.

• 2:42:54Speaker 01

  Although.

• 2:42:55Dax Shepard?

  Being outside of that dynamic, I, I just go like, what's this all about? What's the point of this? So that this guy can die in misery.

• 2:43:02Speaker 01

  It depends also on the crime.

• 2:43:04Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:43:04Speaker 01

  I think, maybe. I don't know.

• 2:43:06Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 2:43:06Speaker 01

  Um, not saying anything, but just, okay, I'm not gonna say anything. Um.

• 2:43:14Dax Shepard?

  Do you want to tell me and cut it?

• 2:43:15Speaker 01

  No, because you'll be mad. It's, it could be a spoiler, so.

• 2:43:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 2:43:19Speaker 01

  Um.

• 2:43:20Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow. You know about a court case I don't know about?

• 2:43:23Speaker 01

  Um, all right, well, that's it.

• 2:43:25Dax Shepard?

  That was everything for Lizzo?

• 2:43:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 2:43:27Dax Shepard?

  Long time coming. I'm glad we got her.

• 2:43:29Speaker 01

  Me too. So fun.

• 2:43:31Dax Shepard?

  All right, love you.

• 2:43:32Speaker 01

  Love you.