The Hot Tub Incident w/ Sam Tallent!

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and author Sam Tallent! You know Sam Tallent from stand up comedy, Brut: A Novel, The Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Whiskey Ginger, Soder, We Might Be Drunk, You Be Trippin, The HoneyDew, Harland Highway, TigerBelly, Stavvy's World, The Adam Friedland Show, Stand-Up On The Spot, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch AMERICAN GARBAGE: https://youtu.be/77zGwlLffWk?si=6E9dBr63JY7HgP9t AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Aura Frames: Additional $5 off at https://auraframes.com/pdp/GARBAGE. Promo Code GARBAGE Emergent Order: Watch The Experts Declare War on Drugs, now streaming on YouTube at @TheExpertsHQ: https://www.youtube.com/@TheExpertsHQ DraftKings: One app. Every sport. All 50 states. New DraftKings customers, Sign up with code AYG, spend just five bucks, and get two hundred in rewards within 21 days, includes all markets. Quince: Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to https://quince.com/garbage. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Promo Code: GARBAGE Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred GAMBLER, one eight hundred MY RESET. Connecticut: call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven, visit CCPG dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get Predictions Dollars that expire in one year. Fifty dollars in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at d k n g dot c o slash offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on Sportsbook, Predictions, and Free-to-Play Sports Contest availability. Varies by State. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  New York City, New York, get ready. This week, the boys are gonna be at Gotham Comedy Club.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 0:05H. Foley?

  Friday and Saturday night. Get your tickets, grab the squad, and come on out and see us.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, November 13th and 14th, we're doing three shows. Get them, part of the New York Comedy Festival. Come hang with the boys. We don't do New York shows that a lot together. It's gonna be a good time. Also, Philadelphia, tickets on sale December 19th at Parks. Get your tickets, are you garbage.com. We love you.

• 0:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 0:25Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:45H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:51H. Foley?

  It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they're going to be classy.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:56H. Foley?

  Just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:58H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new edition. She has some new nudes available.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05H. Foley?

  Facebook Marketplace.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Old school.

• 1:07H. Foley?

  Get it out there.

• 1:08Speaker 03

  I've been burning through the old ones.

• 1:10H. Foley?

  You, me, both, sister. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. Has some money in select the markets around the world, right?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  No, sure.

• 1:21H. Foley?

  Hong Kong market.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  TD Bank.

• 1:23H. Foley?

  Brussels, TD Bank as well. Touchdown Bank, shout out to them. Why not go for two?

• 1:29Speaker 01

  That's, that's an old bit. That's, that's my old bit.

• 1:33H. Foley?

  That's yours?

• 1:34Speaker 01

  That's my old bit from hard feelings before the pandemic.

• 1:37H. Foley?

  He's also a loving father.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  He's a thief.

• 1:39H. Foley?

  He took your bit. He's also a loving father, creative writer.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Collaborator.

• 1:45H. Foley?

  Collaborator.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Open collaborator.

• 1:47H. Foley?

  Nazi collaborator. Alright, now. I broke the chair.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh.

• 1:53H. Foley?

  I broke the chair. What the hell?

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 1:56H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  The laughs are rocking today, boys.

• 1:59H. Foley?

  You gotta, you gotta sit in the, uh...

• 2:01Speaker 03

  Flip me upside down. My discs are compressed.

• 2:05H. Foley?

  It's like doing a podcast with Robin Williams.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  He gets all...

• 2:08Speaker 03

  Ooh, I'm upside down on a bat.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Seven foot two. Hey, Stringbean over here.

• 2:13H. Foley?

  What do we got, Luke? Do we have another one?

• 2:14Speaker 03

  I'm in it. I want it.

• 2:15H. Foley?

  You're good?

• 2:16Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  People say Sam teeth change. I'm still breaking chairs.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  No. That's, buddy, if you think he hasn't put 200 episodes in on that thing, you're nutso butso.

• 2:25H. Foley?

  There we go.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  We literally, dude, we literally bought, there's like, there's a whole room full of chairs. I'm not even joking. There's a chair room. Looks like back rooms.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Rent a center's gonna be pissed. We're not getting the deposit back, yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  He's a Raymour and Flanagan gang. Real sturdy.

• 2:42H. Foley?

  Kevin James Ryan.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Hey, oh shit, what's up, everybody? What the hell's even going on? Uh, shout out to you as always. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the frickin' charts. And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, hit an all-time high over there. Seventeen thousand Patreons.

• 3:02H. Foley?

  Strong, the army of garbage. Love you, gang. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. He is family.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:11H. Foley?

  He is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian and writer, and is the author of this brand-new book right here, Brute, that is sold everywhere you can get your books. Just a worldwide sensation. That's Sam Talent, ladies and gentlemen.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Yes, Sam.

• 3:25H. Foley?

  There he is.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  I am already regretting not selling that chair break. Because if I could have fucking fallen down, I could have been, I could have been in the Dempsey Group.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  I could have owned half the Dempsey Group.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  I could have had some partnership here, yeah.

• 3:37H. Foley?

  I have a meeting with the Dempsey Group following this podcast.

• 3:39Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah?

• 3:40H. Foley?

  In regards to what?

• 3:41Speaker 01

  That's not great. Foley's, Foley's in the financial position where he's trying to offload chairs of AYG.

• 3:48H. Foley?

  Trying to offload chairs on the guys. Alright, fair enough.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  You're like Sam Altman free.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  I had him the other day. I was lowballing.

• 3:56H. Foley?

  Sam Altman?

• 3:56Speaker 01

  No, you. For about two months ago. He was really jammed up and he was looking for a payout. And I was low. He's like, I make more than that now.

• 4:03H. Foley?

  What do you think, Ian? I was waiting for the checks here on Thursday. Like, where the fuck's the guy?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  What checks?

• 4:08H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  You get checks?

• 4:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, I get checks. Handwritten, from Toody.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  Just burped. Um, yeah, no, I've, I really, I really do think that, uh, you guys are nothing but a financial explosion going on.

• 4:19H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  And I can't wait to watch the Netflix documentary on when this thing actually explodes. Because there's been so many...

• 4:25Speaker 01

  It's not good.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  I mean, the plane's still in the air, but the wheels fall off, you know?

• 4:30H. Foley?

  Like the Challenger disaster.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. And it wasn't just an O-ring.

• 4:33H. Foley?

  Turns out they were alive for two minutes. I hate knowing that. I saw that shit live. I thought they went instantly. Imagine falling all that long, then cockpit, no wheels or nothing on it?

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:44H. Foley?

  Done.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  I hate that you just told me that, because I didn't know that. No.

• 4:47H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, they had him like going around and like touching stuff and trying to fix buzzers and levers and all that shit?

• 4:52Speaker 03

  No. Like playing Twister and Freefall?

• 4:54Speaker 01

  You're like an old aunt, dude. Just brings up death immediately. I heard it's cancer. What?

• 5:01H. Foley?

  That's my old bit.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  I know.

• 5:03H. Foley?

  We're even. Give me the TD bit. Sam, congratulations on a new book.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  You got a new book out? Whoa, look at this.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Second novel, folks, Brute. Or there's a lot of people have been calling it Brutt, so...

• 5:15Speaker 01

  I like it in the brutt.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, hey, so does he. Or does he?

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Hi, O.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a violent, uh, book about a hitman in Paris. Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  We love it, man. That's great.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Thanks, guys. I'm so glad to be back.

• 5:26H. Foley?

  Pulitzer Prize nominated author.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Pulitzer Prize nominated, which apparently they can nominate anyone for a Pulitzer Prize.

• 5:32H. Foley?

  Luke, get on that.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, Luke, get in there. Write a pamphlet or something.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  He wrote a tootie. What are you talking about?

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Well, someone wrote that tootie.

• 5:38H. Foley?

  Yeah, someone did. And when I find this son of a bitch, he's fired.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  That was a good tootie. Yeah.

• 5:45H. Foley?

  I thought it was.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 5:46H. Foley?

  Someone enjoys it. Appreciates my work.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  I mean, I listened at home and I could have done the intro word for word. Yeah, I wanted to do the, oh, yes.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  I saw, I saw you. I saw your eyeball. I mean, you could have joined in. It's a collaboration over here.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  I wasn't gonna hop in until the nudes thing, and then the chair broke. And I was like, alright, I wanna play the game.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  That's our second, that would have been, that's the second chair break Ian went about five, six weeks ago.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  But he was doing an act out. He was probably being like...

• 6:12H. Foley?

  He was living it.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 6:14H. Foley?

  Stav weakened it.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot of people have. I don't know why you're sending shots at Mr. Halke's.

• 6:20H. Foley?

  Fine man of Greece?

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Who is that guy? Lenny Balls?

• 6:23H. Foley?

  Lenny Balls.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I bet he did some damage on this thing.

• 6:25H. Foley?

  Shout out to Lenny Balls. One of our best episodes.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I agree. As a fan, that one ruled.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  That is a, that is a tent pole in AYG. They were gonna mention that in a documentary. You better believe that.

• 6:39H. Foley?

  I had COVID that morning, I remember.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, we all did as listeners.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  I did a bit.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  You were doing a bat tasting.

• 6:48H. Foley?

  Yes, yes, yes. A lot of caffeine that morning. The Celsius is a bad news for you guys.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  What, you know a video I saw the other day? He just worked a double and he has a bad back. That's what, did you ever see that, the cop? That's what we were telling about Foley. That's what happened in Austin. Foley worked a double and had a bad back.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, he had a bad oyster in Austin.

• 7:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, god, you never have oysters on, uh, months that don't end in R.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 7:11H. Foley?

  That's where they get it.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  Or with an A-ball.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Don't wash it down with freebase either, folks.

• 7:16H. Foley?

  Well, that's not true.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Southern parts of France do it.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:20H. Foley?

  I always like the bag after a nice meal.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  That's the Roman Polanski, we call it. Yeah, a little oysters, a little ready rock.

• 7:26H. Foley?

  Finish up dinner, you have your zambuca and your espresso. You do, do, do, do, do. Pops in a couple, a couple minutes later.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  It's a digestive. Yeah. Excellent, thank you.

• 7:35H. Foley?

  Something to go with the creme brulee. Luke enjoys it.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  You also test crack the same way you test creme brulee.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Well, this is good.

• 7:42H. Foley?

  Is that real vanilla? Um, can I say this?

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Sure, it's your show.

• 7:47H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Line?

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Flashcards, quick.

• 7:53H. Foley?

  Shot!

• 7:54Speaker 01

  This guy's no good without cue cards.

• 7:56H. Foley?

  Um, you look more like a writer than I've ever seen before.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 8:03H. Foley?

  As you get, success keeps coming in, which we love, do you, are you adapting that a little more?

• 8:11Speaker 03

  Uh, like dressing, more like, like pretentious?

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, the open-neck Carhartt shirt really, uh...

• 8:16H. Foley?

  How far away are we from the, the pocket protector with the different pencils and stuff like that?

• 8:20Speaker 03

  I took my pens out this morning.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Really?

• 8:22Speaker 03

  I carry a pen now so I can sign people's books when they approach me on the street.

• 8:27H. Foley?

  On the street?

• 8:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's happened twice. So, and then today I was riding the train over here, by the way, for the first time.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Ever, on the New York City subway?

• 8:35Speaker 03

  You guys usually send cars for, you know, Chaz Palmentary and stuff, but I was on the train.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  He had his own car with the driver. Wait, you know, we get you a car ever? No?

• 8:42H. Foley?

  We sent him an Italian ice cart.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Italian.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Someone write a joke for the big fella, will ya?

• 8:51Speaker 03

  There's no bad ideas. We're brainstorming. Yeah, man, I mean, I came in. It's all blank.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  You should just start reading the book.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  Four score.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Harlan Williams read, like, some of it aloud, and I thought he was doing a bit. And then he just was like, wow, good stuff. I was like, what the fuck are we doing?

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Dude, that would be my nightmare.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. But, uh, no, I'm like, I came in wearing a brimless hat that I bought in Paris.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  I've grown a mustache, too.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  It's either that, like, I'm, it's a midlife crisis. That's all it is.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  You're either Hacienda down in Puerto Rico.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  Oh, dude, I, I need to get-

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Or Key West. Wherever Hemingway shot himself.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  I think I'm-

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Not a good way to do that.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  No, no, not yet.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Get a couple of cats, though.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  I gotta get some of the movie's option first.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, and then I can leave my wife some money and a couple of shell casings.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  I was saying when, cause Luke wants his book signed by you, I said, then you gotta kill him.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Then you got, you got one of the last copies. We get that up at Sotheby's.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  What I've been doing is I've been like-

• 9:42Speaker 01

  They make good cake.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Oh, the best cake. Yeah, I love the cream filling. I've been drawing guns in people's books.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  Are you good, can you draw? You can draw, right? You're, no?

• 9:50Speaker 03

  No, I can't draw. I can draw the shape of a gun. Sorry, I know.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  That's better than I can do.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  Everyone says I can do everything. They're wrong. But yeah, no, I like to draw in there and then, then they can resell it easier, cause the author drew a gun in it.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  You're not gonna, you're not gonna retire off this, Luke, all right?

• 10:06Speaker 01

  What? Really?

• 10:07Speaker 03

  I don't think so.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Luke says he does feel nice that he's, he's read and has signed a hundred percent of your books.

• 10:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I appreciate it.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  That's a, he's, he's been fucking-

• 10:14H. Foley?

  Reading a hundred percent of an author is a flex.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  Dude, one out of three ain't bad, right? Thanks, Luke.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  I'm fifty percent.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  You don't own the book.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  This one's mine. Who the fuck you think paid for this?

• 10:24H. Foley?

  It's our copy.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  I thought we sent it over.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  No.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  Random house students send you books?

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Everybody's posting videos, oh, look, and we got one, we got one. Who doesn't get one? Kippy and Uncle Hank.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Why don't you throw it in the pool?

• 10:35H. Foley?

  I have a learning disability.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, we know, you won't shut up about it.

• 10:38H. Foley?

  The cartoon to come out.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  That'll be good, dude. That'll be so cool.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  Beaujolais buttfucking a guy in cartoon.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Spoiler alert.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  That's out on Saturday morning.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  That's late night. No, dude, I think I do need to, I don't know, I'm not gonna buy new clothes yet.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  You look, you look fantastic.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  Cause I like, I'm so worried I'm gonna get fat again. You know how tough it is?

• 10:58Speaker 01

  But then you buy them again. I've, I've ballooned a couple of times. You just, you just jump between two.

• 11:02H. Foley?

  Cause I had, I, I lost them, uh, in the divorce, but, uh-

• 11:06Speaker 03

  The pants?

• 11:06H. Foley?

  I had a couple, I had a couple of, um, uh, pairs of old Navy jeans that I never wore. That I was like, one day, I'm gonna get into these. And I had, I don't know what happened to them, I lost them somewhere.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  I have a, uh, John Elway jersey that was hopeful.

• 11:20H. Foley?

  And?

• 11:21Speaker 03

  It's a large, it still doesn't fit.

• 11:22H. Foley?

  Okay, but you're getting there.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  I'm getting there, yeah. I'm still wearing a bunch of offensive lineman jerseys for one day.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  What's this?

• 11:28Speaker 03

  This is Carhartt.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  I meant, what size?

• 11:30H. Foley?

  It's a shirt?

• 11:30Speaker 03

  Oh, it's probably a three XL.

• 11:32Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. You're swimming in it, though.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  I need an XL. I'm an XL.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  You're swimming in it.

• 11:35Speaker 03

  I have XL clothes that I wear.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  I know, but I still, it's tough. It's tough to change.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  I, I, hey, I understand.

• 11:40H. Foley?

  Stop by the DXL down there on Sixth Avenue.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  We don't have to go there anymore, bro. That's what's crazy. We don't have to go to the DXL. You're at XL.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 11:47H. Foley?

  Double XL.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Double XL.

• 11:49H. Foley?

  I'm, I'm a DXL double XL. I'm not, I'm not a straight European, traditional-

• 11:53Speaker 01

  He's not a New York XL. And I love him, he's made great progress, but he's doing this-

• 11:58H. Foley?

  I'm not on the metric system.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  You're not a DXL double XL, you're like a medium now, right?

• 12:02H. Foley?

  No, I'm, this is DXL double, uh, double XL.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Oh, so you're still wearing a regular four?

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's up there.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  I get it. I've done the damage, bro. I had the credit card. That was the first credit card I had, was the DXL.

• 12:14H. Foley?

  Really?

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, back when it was casual mail XL.

• 12:16H. Foley?

  Ah, casual mail.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Sounds like a fucking dating site.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  It's like a hospice for fat guys. Casual mail. Hey, are you tired of chewing your food? We made it paste. Casual mail.

• 12:27H. Foley?

  I, I get the sunglasses down, too.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  It's whisper casual mail.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:30H. Foley?

  I like the sunglasses and the cologne down there.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  Oh, it's the best, yeah. It smells like chutney.

• 12:34H. Foley?

  Yeah, turkey.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude.

• 12:37H. Foley?

  Try the Subway tuna.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Can I get the turducken and?

• 12:41Speaker 01

  It's three bottles.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  Ode to Thanksgiving.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Do you wear a scent at all?

• 12:45Speaker 03

  No.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  No?

• 12:46Speaker 03

  No, I'm a tough man. I write books.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  I'm a tough guy.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Do tough guys write books?

• 12:51Speaker 03

  I know.

• 12:52H. Foley?

  Bukowski?

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:53H. Foley?

  Hemingway?

• 12:54Speaker 03

  And I've never kicked a woman.

• 12:55H. Foley?

  Tolstoy?

• 12:56Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:56H. Foley?

  Very tough guy.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 12:58H. Foley?

  He used to write in the Village Square at The Faces, inspired him.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  He was haunted.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Shut up. That's a Seinfeld line.

• 13:05H. Foley?

  What?

• 13:06Speaker 03

  He was just feeling good all the time. That was Tolstoy.

• 13:09H. Foley?

  I'm exposing my writer's room here. I got Spike Ferestine on table.

• 13:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, Larry Charles is in the other room. He has an earpiece in.

• 13:18H. Foley?

  Say something, fat.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  I'll just spit.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  That's all right.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  I wasn't apologizing.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  I'll spit in my goddamn studio.

• 13:26H. Foley?

  What'd you write it on? Old school typewriter?

• 13:28Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Notes app, actually.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. I did it all-

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Thumbs, thumbs for date.

• 13:33H. Foley?

  Hey, you were trashing me on whiskey ginger, by the way.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Me?

• 13:35H. Foley?

  And I didn't send you my notes, I sent you the notes.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, how late, how late did you send me those notes?

• 13:40H. Foley?

  I, I- I knew you were in the middle of a press tour, you're promoting the book, you're doing stuff, I don't wanna bother you.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  I made the time to say, hey, I got a great idea for my friend who I think, quote, "contains unseen universes." And you were like, I'll get to it soon, kiddo.

• 13:52H. Foley?

  I got, I got, you, drug problem.

• 13:54Speaker 03

  You were like, hey, Hertz has blood clots. What are we supposed to do?

• 13:58H. Foley?

  I finally got a couple of minutes.

• 13:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:00H. Foley?

  Soon as he went down.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. Did I text you guys, go Broncos?

• 14:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, six and two, baby.

• 14:07H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Come on the right side of history.

• 14:09H. Foley?

  I was rooting for the Browns this weekend, I'm all fucked.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  Well, you had thirteen hundred on the spread, I get it. Yeah, cause gambling's not a drug.

• 14:15H. Foley?

  I'm in the hole.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:17H. Foley?

  Trying to pull out of it.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  Ah, I hate pulling out of holes, right, fellas?

• 14:21H. Foley?

  It's really something different. That was never really my thing. Now, it's, man, it's like night and day.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 14:28Speaker 03

  What, man?

• 14:28Speaker 01

  It's goddamn family show.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:30H. Foley?

  How do you think they got here?

• 14:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:32H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Oh, who?

• 14:33H. Foley?

  A family.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  You have kids. You blasted in your wife. We're all very proud of you.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  No, the neighbor did that.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  I was away, I was on Route sixty-six there. Shout out to Tulsa.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Does your kid have your striking blue eyes?

• 14:47Speaker 01

  He does.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  That's cool.

• 14:48H. Foley?

  He's a cute little guy. Yeah, he's adorable.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  He's got good eyes.

• 14:51H. Foley?

  Sharp kid, looks he got a little bit of cash on, too. He dresses very well, has a nice social scene, bounces around, does his stuff.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  You being jealous of his fucking year and a half old is wild.

• 15:00H. Foley?

  I'm not jealous, I'm, it's, it's-

• 15:02Speaker 01

  You just mentioned three things you don't have.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Cash? You hit me up for money on Friday?

• 15:09Speaker 03

  Friends.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Friends? Clothes and fit?

• 15:13H. Foley?

  He dresses well.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  You got a woman who breastfeeds you, though?

• 15:16H. Foley?

  I do.

• 15:17Speaker 03

  That's pretty cool.

• 15:17H. Foley?

  Shout out to her.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. How old's your kid now?

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Patty? Uh, no, my kid, eight, a year and a, year and a half.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  He's still on the tit. I had a friend who breastfed until he was like seven.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  That's too weird.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was like, asking for it. Mommy!

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Oh, dad, he's spraying some of his coffee.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, one for me, one for you.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Mama.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. Have these pudding on his gloves.

• 15:37H. Foley?

  That confused me as a kid. I never, I didn't understand what was going on. I just knew a titty was coming out, and it was odd for me, I, I got yelled at for-

• 15:44Speaker 01

  You shouldn't have looked.

• 15:44H. Foley?

  I'm, I stare at it.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:46H. Foley?

  It's, I, yeah, she's my cousin, but hey, what the fuck, man?

• 15:50Speaker 01

  Nice set of games, though.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 15:52Speaker 01

  They do it now, cause I'm obviously a playground, I'm around a lot of family, you know, dinat, more than I'd ever had been, and it's just like-

• 16:00H. Foley?

  You see nipple?

• 16:01Speaker 01

  I mean, if you're looking, yeah.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  And he is.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  You'll just be talking, they'll be like, oh, this is, uh, Diane, this is my friend Diane. I go, hey.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  They pull it out like their wallet.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  I go, ladies?

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they'll be talking to you. They'll be having a conversation.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  It's just not normal for me.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  Someone's hungry.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  All right, I bet a couple of people are hungry, aren't they?

• 16:18Speaker 01

  I'm like, do we have to do this on the swing set? You know what I mean? Uh, yeah, it's a lot.

• 16:21H. Foley?

  Doesn't help when Kevin goes, brrrr.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Wow, wow, wow. When you, your, your kid's like in a European situation, so your wife's always like nude in front of it, probably.

• 16:31H. Foley?

  Is that true?

• 16:31Speaker 03

  I assume.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Uh, not really, but more than I think my family was nude in front of me.

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 16:39Speaker 03

  My dad was, we used to hot tub nude a lot.

• 16:42H. Foley?

  Are you serious?

• 16:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, when I was a kid, and like, my dad-

• 16:44Speaker 01

  Talk about noodling.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  I know, yeah, yeah.

• 16:47H. Foley?

  What, were you on Three's Company?

• 16:48Speaker 03

  It wasn't my head.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  That's crazy. Who was making the high balls? What the fuck?

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Passing around a tray of blow?

• 16:58Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 16:59H. Foley?

  I didn't know you lived with Paul Rubens.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. Hey, Sammy, you wanna lewd?

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Everyone's doing, he puts it in your mouth.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Techno starts playing.

• 17:06Speaker 03

  He puts it in my hot pocket.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Wait.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:11H. Foley?

  I could live in Emerson Lake in Palmer.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  You, you had a family, you'd get nude?

• 17:14Speaker 03

  No, like, me and my dad.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  That's a family.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  My mom wasn't there, so it wasn't weird. Uh, I was also like four, you know? I do think that our, my dad's, I think our friend Pete Hatfield would also be nude in there occasionally.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  You're gonna, I'm sure Pete's gonna want his name leaked.

• 17:28Speaker 03

  Oh, Pete, no, Pete rules. Pete helped me move at like seventy-eight years old, two years ago. Then no one showed up.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  He was naked, too, most of the time.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  Oh, and he's still got it.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  And still hanging, brain.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  Birds were landing on that thing, yeah.

• 17:38H. Foley?

  What the fuck, you were-

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Hey, man, it was, it was nineteen eighty-seven. It's a crazy time, you know? You don't remember it, right?

• 17:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, I do. I remember the eighties. What, seventy-six?

• 17:48Speaker 03

  There was actually a article written-

• 17:50H. Foley?

  I just got back from Nam.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  My dad, like, stayed home to take care of me.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  I was trying to convert.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  He was at sandals in Vietnam.

• 18:00H. Foley?

  I don't know what they put in those pad ties.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Hedonism. Um, the ripping and the tearing, um-

• 18:06H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  What about me? You guys took, you guys made this a Patreon episode quick.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  No, don't do that to me.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Abort, abort. Um, okay, so you and your dad, how would that come about? Did you not have a bathing suit, or was he like, this is how you tub?

• 18:19H. Foley?

  Couple of drinks, probably, first.

• 18:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  Couple of Mike ties in me.

• 18:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:25H. Foley?

  Spanish fly.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Dad turns the pineapple upside down.

• 18:30H. Foley?

  Just got back from the Abbott concert. Holy shit. That's crazy.

• 18:34Speaker 03

  Sammy, we're gonna put on some BTO and get loose.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  No, this hot tub was outside.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it was made of wood. My dad had a wooden hot tub and we'd get in there and get splinters.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Sounds like something from the 1800s.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  I mean, it was, dude. I grew up in a farmhouse that was built in like 1870. And there was, uh, behind the hot tub was all these cactuses and my sister.

• 18:54H. Foley?

  Nowhere to run.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Oh, nowhere to go. My sister would always sit on the edge of the hot tub and then she would fall. She fell off into the cactuses like three or four times.

• 19:01H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. So that was a big part of hot tubbing. Was waiting for Sophie to tumble into the cacti.

• 19:06H. Foley?

  Good god.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was bad. But it wasn't weird.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  No, it sounds completely normal.

• 19:11Speaker 03

  How not weird it was.

• 19:12H. Foley?

  You, your dad and a nate. He would get one with his schlong out?

• 19:15Speaker 03

  I, yeah, but I don't like remember.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  They have a good piece on them?

• 19:16Speaker 03

  I hope so. Yeah, yeah. I don't, I was a boy. Every piece was awesome when you're a boy.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  I remember seeing it, like, god damn.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  One day, if I save up enough cock.

• 19:26H. Foley?

  I was always a.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Boy was I wrong.

• 19:28H. Foley?

  I remember showering with my dad once or twice.

• 19:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:30H. Foley?

  In college.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  He was crashing at your dorm, right?

• 19:36H. Foley?

  He was at the frat house.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  He's saving water in the shower.

• 19:39H. Foley?

  Yeah, like, once or twice. And I remember even then, I was like, eh, something, you know.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:44H. Foley?

  Nice guy and all, but this is crazy.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  I feel like there was something back when we were kids where you were, dads were like, you gotta show your kid your dick, just so they know that it gets better.

• 19:53H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  You know? That's my assumption.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I remember it.

• 19:58H. Foley?

  My dad just made me sad.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  How fuck?

• 20:01Speaker 03

  Is what I have to look forward to?

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Goddamn Irish curse.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  You get the 23 and me back and you're relieved.

• 20:09H. Foley?

  I believe I walked out of the bathroom saying, eh, what's the point, huh?

• 20:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Hey Rodney.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  My dick gets no respect, eh?

• 20:18Speaker 03

  I gotta go to Dr. Vinnie Boombox. He's not a pediatrician.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  Get a penis island plant.

• 20:24H. Foley?

  I wanna get that. I wanna get juiced up.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Well, the more weight you lose, the more penis you're gonna have.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  He's gonna have to lose 400 pounds more.

• 20:31H. Foley?

  No, I've been seeing that. It's great.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Dude, I've been, uh, it's a sexual renaissance.

• 20:37H. Foley?

  It is. It's alright. It's alright.

• 20:41Speaker 03

  And by that, I mean my penis is outside of my body. But still.

• 20:44H. Foley?

  Hanging out with the Medici.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  Rome wasn't built in a day.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  Apparently it started writing to me.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Yes, it did.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  Started getting into art.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I let my dick lead on this one about the gay hitman.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  There you go. Hey, it's working.

• 20:54H. Foley?

  Forward by Sam's penis.

• 20:55Speaker 03

  Uh huh. This just tumbled out of me. It was like a fantasy. The research was fun.

• 20:59H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Aura Frames.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Aura, aura, aura.

• 21:02H. Foley?

  Just thinking about them here today. Was it somebody's house? Guess what was sitting on the counter?

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Aura Frame.

• 21:06H. Foley?

  Aura Frame. Holidays are coming up.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Keeping a family together with Aura Frame.

• 21:10H. Foley?

  You know what's crazy? We take all these pictures and we don't use them. We never go back and look at them.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  100%.

• 21:15H. Foley?

  You got an Aura Frame, you capture the moments in your life that mean something to you, and it's right there displayed. Oh my god, you remember that time you did the recital? It was amazing. You played a tooth, you had a big head. Gang, do yourself a favor this holiday season, you can literally get an Aura Frame for everybody on your list.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:32H. Foley?

  Your grandmother, your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister, everybody. Aura Frames is the way to go this holiday season and you've done it about two minutes.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Yes. I, listen, I've done this for everybody in my life. My mom, my mother-in-law. I go, oh, what do you, oh, here's the baby. Oh, good news. You send it, you preload it, you put a message on there. Life is full of tiny amazing moments and you can share those moments with Aura Frame, baby. Uh, everyone in the family benefits. The kid loves seeing themselves on the frame if you got it at home. The, you know, your, uh, your Mima, your Peepaw, whoever you got, your Gaga, your Nana, your Nunu, they get to see the kids as well. Uh, Aura's the number one digital frame loved by millions of families and their Black Friday, Cyber Monday deal is the best of the year. Starting November 19th,

• 22:15Speaker 01

  visit auraframes.com to get up to $50 off select frames, plus an additional $5 off your order with the promo code garbage. That's aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com. Promo code garbage. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

• 22:29H. Foley?

  Do it. Bang. Kippy, do you need the greatest minds in the world to help you destroy your political enemies?

• 22:36Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:36H. Foley?

  Or a law to be passed to help your pet cause?

• 22:38Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 22:39H. Foley?

  Well, then you need this shadowy group called Blip.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Oh boy.

• 22:41H. Foley?

  Just so we're clear, this isn't a real thing, obviously. It's a new comedy show called The Experts, from the minds of Kurt Metzger and Brian Callen, produced by the Emergent Order Foundation.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  Yes, starring an amazing cast of actors and comedians and friends of ours. You got Kurt Metzger, Callen, Ryan Long, Jimmy Dore, Chloe LaBranch, Nick Callis, Hans Kim, and many more. The pilot just dropped on YouTube and of course, it's insane and hilarious. You've probably already seen it. If you haven't, you've seen it popping up on your For You page. Check it out. Uh, our band of bumbling operatives, uh, tried to ruin a normal, everyday woman who happens to be an activist trying to legalize drugs. You'll be shocked to hear that the things go wrong and chaos ensues. Go watch The Experts Declare War on Drugs at The Experts HQ on YouTube. Do it.

• 23:32H. Foley?

  How long did it take you to write the book?

• 23:34Speaker 03

  Oh, like, maybe, less than two years.

• 23:36H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  And I had an editor.

• 23:37H. Foley?

  And is that, is that eight hours a day, sitting there clacking away?

• 23:40Speaker 03

  Thousand words. I have to do a thousand words a day. And if that happens in three hours, that's great, and I'll keep going if I want to. But if it takes eight hours or 10 hours, I do it.

• 23:47H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's the only way I can like, get anything done. It's that quantifiable number. I need to have the thousand words.

• 23:52H. Foley?

  Right.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:53H. Foley?

  Do you have to count them up?

• 23:54Speaker 01

  How many pages is a thousand words?

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Most of the time is actually counting them. Yeah.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  As you're typing them?

• 23:59Speaker 03

  One, two, three. No, you can like, select all and it'll tell you how many words there are.

• 24:03H. Foley?

  Oh, really?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:04H. Foley?

  I just got a laptop.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, you put coal in it, it sounds like.

• 24:08H. Foley?

  It's a wood burning?

• 24:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:10H. Foley?

  I got that laptop.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  I know.

• 24:12H. Foley?

  I watch my tubies on it when I'm going to bed.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  But he calls us gay porn.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:17Speaker 01

  My tubies. Couple of tube steakies.

• 24:21H. Foley?

  What I watched, I was watching The Magnificent Seven last night.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  That's where seven guys.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:26H. Foley?

  And boy, they're magnificent.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Some would say magical.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  I prefer The Great Escape. More tunneling.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  He doesn't make it out.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  I never get to the end of that movie.

• 24:37H. Foley?

  I keep crawling back in.

• 24:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, my car won't start.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  Anyone needing their cigarette flit, boys? Hank's back.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so funny.

• 24:48H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Fucking Carson kicks back. Yeah, that's great.

• 24:55H. Foley?

  Heyo.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  After these good words from Jeritol.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Ovaltine has something to say.

• 25:02H. Foley?

  Never an Ovaltine man?

• 25:03Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  I was a carnation instant breakfast guy. You have to do like, two or three packets, but it was alright. It'd get there.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Do you remember that, uh, they had like, those drinks, the Weight Watchers drinks?

• 25:14H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah, Slim Fast.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, Slim Fast?

• 25:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, we used to crush those.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  Like, six of them.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. I used to drink them like soda, yeah. I used to eat soft, I used to eat pretzels with them and do bite and sip on that.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  Bite and sip on the Slim Fast?

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. Dude, it's like chocolate milk and a fucking, a nice hers pretzel or something.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, man.

• 25:31H. Foley?

  Salty and sweet.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  You guys are so lucky you grew up in pretzel culture.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Oh dude, it's not even up here. Like, you can't, they, they, you go into a Wawa down in Philadelphia, there's like, 15 different varieties of pretzels. Special dark, regular, dark nibs, everything you got.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  Cheese stuffed. Those cheese stuffed, man.

• 25:46H. Foley?

  I like that, uh, there's a company called Dots.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  Out of North Dakota.

• 25:51H. Foley?

  Is that where they're from?

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:52H. Foley?

  Oh, I thought they were in Wisconsin.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  I think Dots, I did a corporate for their company once in North Dakota.

• 25:57H. Foley?

  Corporate?

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:58H. Foley?

  For Dots?

• 25:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:59H. Foley?

  What's that family like?

• 26:00Speaker 03

  Uh, kinda like Mennonite-y?

• 26:02H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  There's this weird kinda breed of like, high plains, mountain state person who like, always has their shirt tucked in, even at a party, and like, everything's real like.

• 26:13H. Foley?

  See, I don't trust that.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I hate that.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Even at a party.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Oh dude, I hate a guy in the front row, if he has his shirt tucked in, I'll be like, hey, it's Saturday night. Pop those tails out, yeah, dude. Yeah, but they paid well.

• 26:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  That's all that matters.

• 26:24H. Foley?

  Did you give him a bag of pretzels?

• 26:25Speaker 03

  Uh, it was, I got, I took the mystery box and it was all pretzels. So, should've taken the check, but yeah. You know, it made the drive home.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  And now I got dust all over my fingers.

• 26:35H. Foley?

  It's always Quakers and Amish. It's always German.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  This is an old world take, yeah.

• 26:41H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  It's always goddamn Quakers.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  It's always Quakers.

• 26:43H. Foley?

  Quakers, a lot of Quakers down in, uh, there used to be a lot of Quakers.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  The Quaker State. William Penn.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, man.

• 26:49H. Foley?

  Is that where Quaker State's from?

• 26:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, William Penn was a Quaker.

• 26:53H. Foley?

  No, but Quaker State, the oil, that's from Pennsylvania?

• 26:55Speaker 03

  You're from the Quaker State.

• 26:57H. Foley?

  I know, but the Quaker State.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  I've never, I assume.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  I don't think it's a rival set.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  It's actually.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  Quaker Stakinlube?

• 27:03H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 27:04Speaker 03

  No, the other one.

• 27:06H. Foley?

  They got one of those at the Cleveland Airport, that place is delicious. It's right next to the subway, B5.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  It's how you know you're on the road too much, when you're like, man.

• 27:12H. Foley?

  This is a pleasure.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  There's such a great lounge.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  Uh, Shell Bottom, bud.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, but where's the?

• 27:19H. Foley?

  Shell bought everybody. Shell owns this company.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Derived for, derived from the nickname of Pennsylvania.

• 27:25H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 27:26Speaker 03

  This is a Shell Shell company.

• 27:27H. Foley?

  Shell Shell.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  It is.

• 27:29H. Foley?

  I told you we should've got an oil and gas.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 27:31H. Foley?

  So start fracking. My cousin made a lot of money fracking.

• 27:35Speaker 03

  You can buy land still in like Wyoming and the Dakotas.

• 27:38H. Foley?

  Just start fracking?

• 27:38Speaker 03

  And just frack the shit out of it. I'd go in, I'm looking for someone to go in on like, a nice little lakefront house with me.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Let's do it.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  I'd love to. It has to be in Michigan though. Yeah, in Michigan though.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Michigan's far from me. You live in Michigan. Well, that's not fair.

• 27:51Speaker 03

  Well, okay, well.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Let's do the Poconos.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  You're bad at this.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  I know.

• 27:55H. Foley?

  How about Cleveland?

• 27:56Speaker 03

  Cleveland, you know what? We can maybe do it, uh, in between Cleveland and Detroit. And then we can all meet up there.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  I'm out. I'm not going to fucking, I'm not.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Well, hey, we're throwing a party, you know?

• 28:08H. Foley?

  You come by.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Hey, you two can start whatever business you guys want.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Oh wait, I need someone to invest. Never mind, you're out. Yeah, come back, please.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  I'm not even joking, I had to lend him $100 last week.

• 28:17H. Foley?

  That's not true.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  That is 100%.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  It was a thousand.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  It was 10.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Where do you wanna do it? The Ocean City Boardwalk?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, what, if we can afford that? I mean, that's an expensive piece of property.

• 28:27H. Foley?

  Ocean City's a dry town, so you're always gonna do it there.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  You're brutally gonna smuggle, yeah. If we do anything, we do Wildwood, but those houses now are going for like, fucking 2 mil.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  I've heard about this Wildwood on this podcast so much.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Come on down, hit.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Oh, we should, dude, one day this summer, whenever you're relatively in town, hit me up, we'll go down, you can crash at the house, we'll drink our way through North Wildwood.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  I'd love to.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Do a couple of tully nuts?

• 28:47H. Foley?

  I love that.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  And maybe, hey.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  You're not coming.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  Let them come. We'll keep each other clean.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's worked in the past.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  It'll be like Indianapolis all over again.

• 28:57H. Foley?

  I wasn't on drugs in Indianapolis. I was all jacked up on that race car fuel.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  What do you call eight Bloody Marys before nine? I think that's drug use.

• 29:04H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:06H. Foley?

  Jewel was playing, what do you mean it do?

• 29:07Speaker 03

  We were crying. We were weeping as Jewel played. It was awesome.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Man, we were three big boys back then.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  We were bumping around.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  I was thin at like, 265. I was like, yeah, what's up, fatty?

• 29:19Speaker 03

  You were a whisper of a man.

• 29:21H. Foley?

  Sparks were flying off that car when you were going around the track.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:26H. Foley?

  Kevin.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  I didn't get it.

• 29:28H. Foley?

  The bumper was dragging.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  I was trying to get what car is.

• 29:30H. Foley?

  You were heavy, you were scratching it around.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  I didn't know, I forgot I was in the race.

• 29:34H. Foley?

  You were in a race car.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  I got you, yeah, yeah.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  What a charmed life you've led that you forgot you were in a race car at the Indy 500.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  That's pretty good.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  That is pretty cool. I will, I will.

• 29:42H. Foley?

  I was up at the paddock with the rich guys.

• 29:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:44H. Foley?

  Checking our jewelry.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  They were saddling you up.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Free hot dogs in that place. Let's go hang out at the, he didn't want to walk anywhere. Let's go, let's go hang out at the paddock.

• 29:53H. Foley?

  I liked the paddock, it felt like I was in a watch.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  Cause it had that green coating on the outside.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Do you remember that?

• 29:58H. Foley?

  I felt like I was inside of a watch.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Do you remember that rave that goes on in the middle of the Indy 500?

• 30:02Speaker 01

  The snake pit.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  The snake pit. And they kept being like.

• 30:05H. Foley?

  It's up Brian Adams.

• 30:05Speaker 03

  So we went to the snake pit and we just felt like three old men who were in the way.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Which we were.

• 30:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was brutal. It was a real humbling situation to be out there with a bunch of ladies with pasties.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  And I'm like, is there a bathroom close by? I think I'm sunburnt.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  Do you know where I can smoke?

• 30:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:21H. Foley?

  Any of you girls have a Nexium on you? Omarazaparol.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  I found Adderall. I was just asking around for Adderall and some guy was like, "Yeah, I got you," and like dumped me out some. Did I give you any of that Adderall?

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, buddy, it was out of a plastic bag.

• 30:34H. Foley?

  What the fuck, man, you're holding out on fucking Skittles on me? It's crazy.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  You were going through something.

• 30:39H. Foley?

  No, I wasn't. I was still under the radar back then.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Anytime after 1982, you've been going through something.

• 30:45H. Foley?

  Going through somebody's purse. What?

• 30:48Speaker 03

  That's good. That's good. That's my favorite part of the show.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  It's in the book.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  He says something funny and you don't sell it and then you see him spiral quiet. It's crazy. I know.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  That's the only reason I'm here, that's half the fun.

• 30:59H. Foley?

  Political attack is what it is for my quicker beliefs.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, you do it, dude, you do it more than I do.

• 31:06H. Foley?

  Love a good ice.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Put him in the icebox.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Um, alright.

• 31:11H. Foley?

  What has changed?

• 31:14H. Foley?

  In this country?

• 31:16Speaker 01

  I'll tell you. I'll tell you what it is.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  Everybody can vote.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  Somebody, somebody called my mom, she's got a couple ideas she wants to get off her chest.

• 31:22H. Foley?

  Patty is politically charged.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  What, it's like a Tesla. You'd think my mom was living in Paris with some of her takes.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  She's dressed in yellow, riding a bicycle.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Um, what, what is the current living situation? Cause last, I think the last time you were here, you had moved since, you're now in Michigan.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  Living in Michigan on the east side of Detroit, uh, beautiful home.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  What, is that the good side, bad side? What's, what's the east side? I don't know anything about Detroit, man.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  Every side's good, man. We're right by, uh, the water. Oh, you mean as far as like comes out of the sink?

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, drinkable.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Fine, yeah. Denver actually has worse water than Flint, Michigan. Look that up. But yeah, no, I got this beautiful yard, been focusing a lot on the garden.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  What do you got in the garden?

• 32:02Speaker 03

  Oh man, I got dahlias, I got zinnias, I got cosmos, I got geraniums, I got hydrangeas. Yeah, yeah.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  I got them already.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  I got sousareau G, I got toxic rani.

• 32:11H. Foley?

  Can you grow weed out there, is it legal?

• 32:13Speaker 03

  I grew weed.

• 32:14H. Foley?

  Really?

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I grew, uh, four of my plants didn't germinate, so like I took them down and then I finally smoked some of the weed that I grew. And then I told you that I had to lay on the ground because I was having a panic attack.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  That had something to do with that weed I grew.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a little too gnarly, so I think I'm gonna make it into live rosin, but yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  What's that? Oh, like the dabs?

• 32:33Speaker 03

  Ash, yeah, yeah.

• 32:34H. Foley?

  Wait.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Man, you're living a different life.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  So the plant doesn't, you said germinate?

• 32:38Speaker 03

  You said what's changed.

• 32:40H. Foley?

  It didn't germinate?

• 32:41Speaker 03

  Uh, so no, like.

• 32:42H. Foley?

  What are they, Italian?

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Man, you really forced that.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  I thought of it at the time, I was gonna say, "Take them to Italy."

• 32:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  I think we all did.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  I like how you brought it back too. So germinate, huh? Hold on. And we're it. But no, yeah, they, uh, some of them took on male seed, so they grew, they grew seeds and then you don't want to smoke the ones with seeds. You got anything for take on male seed? Yeah. Speaking of, brute, available everywhere.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, guys, go buy brute right now. Buy it, order it, doesn't matter from where, right?

• 33:11H. Foley?

  Amazon?

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Amazon, uh, go to your local, DoorDash it.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  You can DoorDash it.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Can you?

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Sick.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, you can DoorDash it.

• 33:18H. Foley?

  I love a hard copy.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  You know what I want for the soft cover is I want one of those classic six by four little like, uh, those brick. Book that you put in your back pocket.

• 33:26H. Foley?

  Yeah, like restaurant at the end of the universe.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  Bingo, yeah.

• 33:29H. Foley?

  I carried that around for like six months telling everybody I read it. I just kept my ass in here.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  I mean, you were the first performative male reader.

• 33:35H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, big on that.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  You had your big hole in your backyard for a minute, Kev, where your pool was.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  Yes, which I'm happy to say it's back.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  I know, but I hit you up and I said, "You should do a wildflower prairie," and I'm pretty sure you like passed out from rolling your eyes.

• 33:49H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, you could've.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:50H. Foley?

  Oh, I know, they, they were selling those online for a little while.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  What?

• 33:54H. Foley?

  Or sorry, on TV. Where you just would buy the.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  The pack.

• 33:57H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. We could've done it, my, my neighbor has a bunch of wild, some, which like they are, they do kind of populate in my backyard through natural, uh, germination.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  Well, you probably have goldenrod, I'm talking real shit, man.

• 34:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, honeysuckle.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then, uh, yeah, it just wasn't gonna happen.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, you might walk in your backyard and say, "This is beautiful, fuck this."

• 34:18H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:18Speaker 03

  Do it. Every time I see your backyard, when you post your like pool updates, I'm like, "There's so much space."

• 34:23Speaker 01

  Yes, we, we do have a lot, we have a very blessed, a nice, a nice piece of, I got a good lawn back there. All I had, I had a big tree taken down and the crane fucked up, now it's all mud.

• 34:32H. Foley?

  Big news over here.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Planting mud's very easy.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  I got a mud farm.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  Get in there, man. I hate mud, as we know, we've talked about.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  But I do like flowers. Yeah, you have a lot of stuff back there, you should put in a bunch of like Japanese cherry trees. So when your kid graduates, you can like have his graduation party and it looks like Tokyo.

• 34:50H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 34:51Speaker 03

  Wouldn't that be sick?

• 34:52Speaker 01

  I'd rather go to Tokyo.

• 34:54H. Foley?

  You've been talking about going to Tokyo.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  We weren't just talking about going.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  I'd go with you guys anytime.

• 34:58H. Foley?

  You shouldn't pay for me and Ian to go to Vietnam.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Okay, what are you guys gonna get up to?

• 35:02H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  That's a good idea.

• 35:03H. Foley?

  Fucking go after Charlie again.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Couple of sex addicts in Vietnam, all expenses paid.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just fuck each other here.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  You live in the same house.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, then you can get that lady to be mean to you while you do it.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  No, he was supposed to go for 48 hours. I said I would go, I would fly you there right now if you fly for, if you go, go for the weekend and come back.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  And what, what are you gonna do in this 48 hour weekend in Vietnam?

• 35:26H. Foley?

  I'd redo the, uh, the guy that.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  87th parallel.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  Apocalypse now.

• 35:30H. Foley?

  The guy that, the guy that crawled for three days to take out that North Vietnamese Colonel.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:35H. Foley?

  You know what I'm talking about?

• 35:36Speaker 03

  So you're gonna finish the job is what you're doing?

• 35:37H. Foley?

  Nah, he fell, he finished the job.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  So what are you gonna do?

• 35:39H. Foley?

  He crawled back. I don't know, just do a little, you know, I'm sure they have a tour or something like that.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  Those tunnels were so small, man.

• 35:45H. Foley?

  That is my biggest fear.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  Being trapped in a tunnel in Vietnam?

• 35:48H. Foley?

  No, being, being a tunnel rat in Vietnam.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:51H. Foley?

  I remember my dad had the flashlight. He, he had this flashlight from Vietnam, had a little red light on it. He was like, "That's what the tunnel rats would use when they'd go in there."

• 35:58Speaker 03

  I bet he had a fun name for that flashlight.

• 36:02H. Foley?

  My mom did.

• 36:06H. Foley?

  Competed for a lot of affection.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  I think it's great, I think you send these guys to Vietnam, you know, fingers crossed they come back.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Come back.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. Send Luke with them.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Luke's not up for that challenge at the moment.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  They get a GoPro, that's about it.

• 36:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  I'll set up the GoPro.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  Don't strap it to your forehead.

• 36:27H. Foley?

  Put a gyro on that thing.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  It's just a POV, you and Ian making out the whole time?

• 36:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  I have it from both.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Well, wearing conical hats.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  I have it from both sides.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  And shoot the reverse of that.

• 36:40H. Foley?

  Quit screwing around, we got a show to do here.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  We got stuff to do over here.

• 36:43H. Foley?

  Sam Townsend in the building, offering us brand new book proof.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  If you're just tuning in.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Resetting the show.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  If you just recharged your AirPods.

• 36:50H. Foley?

  Joining us from the Denver Broncos, San Diego Chargers game.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  Real nail biter here in Kansas City.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Um, what, what, what is one product you would recommend for the good people out there? Could be an expensive product, a cheap product, something for travel, something around the house, a pillow, something for the car, just anything where you go, "Ooh, this really does its job, it's good, it's nice."

• 37:14Speaker 03

  A huge cutting board.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  A big, heavy, single piece of wood, like that thick, single slab, it's smooth on top and on the bottom it still looks like the gnarly bark. That really elevates any room it's in.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  It does.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  You put that on the counter, doesn't matter if there's a bunch of other shit on there, like if you're, I listen to Tom Taccar, he's got 18 different things on his countertop.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Shout out to Tom.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, shout out to Tommy, your wife sounds very busy.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  He, so it's like, you put that thing on the, uh, on the counter, you can serve food, you can do, you can do hors d'oeuvres on it, you can do charcuterie right there. You can serve drinks on it if you're outside. Also get a really nice blanket so you can like do picnics.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  Good one.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  My, my sister-in-law and my niece got me a blanket because I like riding my bike to the park and like reading and I was just coming home and my back would be stained with dirt.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  Cause I roll around like a pig and they got me a blanket, I lay that blanket down, I think of them, yeah, it's nice.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  Now is the blanket, uh, like water, more waterproof on one side?

• 38:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, we just got one of them.

• 38:08H. Foley?

  You go to the park?

• 38:09Speaker 03

  I go to the park, it's right by the water in my neighborhood.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  Why don't you just sit in your backyard?

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Cause I wanna, I like, in the summer, I like to go, get in the lake.

• 38:16H. Foley?

  Go swimming?

• 38:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:17H. Foley?

  What lake is that?

• 38:18Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't, it's.

• 38:19H. Foley?

  Michigan?

• 38:19Speaker 03

  It feeds in, and the Detroit River feeds into it, so you know, you're rolling the dice. But I like to get in the water, get out, read, get back in the water, read, so like, the blanket was a nice.

• 38:28H. Foley?

  You smell when you get out of that water?

• 38:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:30H. Foley?

  For sure. That's gotta be bad news. It's probably all roundup in there.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  Hey, it's not gonna be the lake that gets me, alright? I've rolled enough dice.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  It's gonna be one of those tunnels in Vietnam.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, if, if, you know, if things start making sense in this country.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  If we go back to finish the job, you know what I mean? This took a hard ride.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  You guys should be the anti-Vietnam podcast.

• 38:54Speaker 01

  Think there's money in that?

• 38:56H. Foley?

  Anti-Viet- no, like, anti, like, let's go back-

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Not the anti-war, anti-the country.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:01H. Foley?

  And they came to us first.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  And we're back.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  Guys, brute.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  No, I think that just like little things that elevate your daily experience. It doesn't need to be like a watch or whatever.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, no, no, that's what I'm looking for. Something where for, hey, 20 bucks, 30 bucks, you can do something and it's a nice- It makes that much better. 10% better.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  A nice vase. Like, a nice receptacle. It could just be like a really nice old ball glass. Like, a ball jar?

• 39:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  Like, I like to go antiquing with my, my wife or whatever and you're just like-

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Really?

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, you like, find a vessel and then you're like, "Man, I want to put flowers in that." I have flowers in every room in the house.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  You do?

• 39:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do a lot of cut flowers from the garden.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  From your garden?

• 39:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, okay.

• 39:37H. Foley?

  So, like, give me a typical day. You're off the road.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:40H. Foley?

  The book's done.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Right.

• 39:41H. Foley?

  It's the summertime. Is she, she's working most of the time?

• 39:44Speaker 03

  She's at work every day. I wake up, I walk the dog.

• 39:46H. Foley?

  What time are you up?

• 39:47Speaker 03

  Uh, I like to wake up, probably between 10 and 11.

• 39:50H. Foley?

  This is actually very interesting. It's like, when they ask Hunter S. Thompson, "What is his daily schedule?"

• 39:54Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, there's a lot less ketamine involved in my day. Yeah.

• 39:57H. Foley?

  You mean, starting the day off with a couple Crown Royals?

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Dude, Shivas. He would be drinking Shivas in the morning, right? Yeah. So, I like to wake up, walk the dog, and then do immediate stuff in the garden before I look at my phone. Uh, so I like my body works-

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Haven't looked at the phone yet.

• 40:10Speaker 03

  No, I hate the phone.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  Hate the phone.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Phone's the enemy of joy.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Enemy of joy.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  The phone has replaced the world, and the world's the best thing there is. And now we're stuck staring into our fucking rectangle void all the time, and it sucks.

• 40:20H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  So, yeah, I don't like the phone. I like to go get outside, get outside, do whatever I have to do around the house, and then I'll do, like, emails and shit. And then, uh, whatever projects I have, I like to do immediately, and then I like to make, you know, lunch or dinner. Wife will come home, watch three to five hours of Law & Order SVU.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  SVU man.

• 40:39H. Foley?

  What about breakfast?

• 40:40Speaker 03

  Uh, I'm not a big breakfast guy.

• 40:41H. Foley?

  Really?

• 40:42Speaker 03

  I like coffee. I wa- I make coffee for my wife at night.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  How you making coffee?

• 40:45Speaker 03

  Uh, just one of those classic big pots, you know? Nothing fancy. Cause I set it for my wife in the morning.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Or at night. She wakes up, has it, and then I have whatever's left over.

• 40:53H. Foley?

  Oh, it's ready to go when she gets downstairs?

• 40:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:55H. Foley?

  I like that.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, it's little things, you know? Yeah, but I just-

• 40:59Speaker 01

  You're a sweet boy.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  I really love being a good teammate. I think a big part of being-

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Hit me.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  On a, in a good marriage is to think about it as a team. And like, I'm the offensive line, she's the fucking- write this down, this'll be good for you.

• 41:12H. Foley?

  Teammate?

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Spelled it wrong.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, I want to do all the blocking, and I want her to get all of the, uh, love and admiration, and like, I don't care if anyone knows it's because I've been, you know,

• 41:22Speaker 01

  You're in the trenches.

• 41:22Speaker 03

  Watching film all week. Yeah, exactly.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:24H. Foley?

  I like that. When I would get locked out, I would go sleep in the car.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's not bad.

• 41:28H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  It's a good move.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  A good teammate.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  It's your car, on paper.

• 41:32H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Call that a road game?

• 41:38Speaker 03

  Luke from downtown.

• 41:39H. Foley?

  Oh, good day!

• 41:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Pink mist.

• 41:45Speaker 03

  Is there anything I can do to make her shit easier? Cause I'm blowing it constantly.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Right, I, I do, yes, I did that last ni- or thi- this morning, maybe. Uh, it was a few hours ago. Uh-

• 41:55H. Foley?

  What'd you do?

• 41:56Speaker 01

  No, you just, you're, you're tight, it was last night, you're tight in your head, and just, I'm going, "I need to-" She does so much with the baby, and I'm here, I'm working, it's like, you know, it's so easy to fall in the trap, "Well, I'm doing this, and I'm doing that," and it's like, yeah, but I've so needed to lean on her at times for stuff, that I'm like, I can, I can give that feeling back when she goes, "Oh, I've done this." I'm like, I can, I need to focus on, not that it's a to-do list, it's a to-do on my list, it's, I'm taking something off hers.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  I'm not fucking her over.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  Cause like, all that, she does so much shit that benefits me.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  And, and I'm always like, "I'm busy, I'm doing stuff too," and it's like, none of it helps her at all. You know?

• 42:32Speaker 01

  Welcome to the club.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  And dude, it's like, we, uh, on Sunday, I'm leaving on Sunday at night to go to Austin, but I have football, and I wake up in my own house on a Sunday, and it's so rare and beautiful. So, she knows I want to watch football, she's all good with it, and she's like, "At halftime, I just need you to go outside and help me with this hot tub."

• 42:48Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 42:49Speaker 03

  All right?

• 42:49Speaker 01

  First of all, take your pants off, we gotta get in the hot tub.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  We gotta get in the hot tub, your dad flew in.

• 42:53H. Foley?

  What did you need to do in the hot tub?

• 42:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, Pete's on Skype.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  He's naked.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's just his cock in frame. Oh, Sammy!

• 43:02Speaker 01

  See, not much has changed, huh, Sam?

• 43:04Speaker 03

  Oh, there's our little guy. Oh, earwig talent. But, yeah, so at, at halftime, we're outside, and I was mad because it wasn't just halftime for the Lions game, it was also red zones on. All right, so I got some action that isn't just the Lions game, honey.

• 43:20H. Foley?

  That's red zone action. That's high-dollar action right there.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  And it's, you can't lose, if you, you know, unless you don't play. So-

• 43:27Speaker 01

  That's DraftKings.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  I don't know who sponsors you now.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  I don't know either.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:33H. Foley?

  Kim, what do you know about DraftKings?

• 43:34Speaker 01

  DraftKings!

• 43:35H. Foley?

  Let me tell you this, football has a way of turning one game into a full week conversation, as you know. And DraftKings keeps you close to it all. DraftKings Sports App is now available in all 50 states. It's live, baby.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:50H. Foley?

  Follow the teams you love, keep up with the biggest games, and experience the excitement of football all week long.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Yes, one app, every sport, all 50 states.

• 43:58H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 43:59Speaker 01

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• 44:42Speaker 01

  $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at dkng.co slash offer. Limited time offer, nationwide, based on Sportsbook. Predictions and free to-play sports contest. Availability varies by state. Now, back to the show.

• 45:00H. Foley?

  Woo! Kippy!

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Killed it.

• 45:02H. Foley?

  Home run. Kim, let's talk about Quince.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  Quince!

• 45:05H. Foley?

  You know, the best pieces in your closet are the ones you can count on.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:09H. Foley?

  Now, you know, slimming down a little bit, in the market for some new stuff?

• 45:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:13H. Foley?

  Go to Quince.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:14H. Foley?

  Reliable.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:15H. Foley?

  That's the kind of stuff you want, whether you're heading to work, going out, or keeping things casual, and this time of year, Quince makes finding something great for everyone else just as easy. See, the holiday season's coming up, you want to get somebody a nice gift? What do you do?

• 45:30Speaker 01

  I head over to Quince.

• 45:31H. Foley?

  Go to Quince.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  I'm not even, I'm not even messing around with you. My wife, I don't, I guess she's not watching the program, I don't know what's going on. The other day-

• 45:38H. Foley?

  Quince.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  She calls me in-

• 45:40H. Foley?

  Isn't that funny?

• 45:40Speaker 01

  And goes, "Do you like these?" And I'm not even joking. She shows me the 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters and going, "I'm thinking of getting these."

• 45:50H. Foley?

  Do I know it?

• 45:51Speaker 01

  I said, "Lady, I can tell from here that's 100% Mongolian cashmere."

• 45:55H. Foley?

  100%.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  Boom, we got them. I said, "Throw promo code, go-" Listen-

• 45:58H. Foley?

  Let's go!

• 45:59Speaker 01

  Let's get to it.

• 46:00H. Foley?

  Look at you.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  We're using it. Wife's using it, doesn't even know. That's how good Quince is.

• 46:03H. Foley?

  That's good stuff.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Uh, give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com, get free shipping on your order with 365-day returns, which is huge, by the way. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 46:16H. Foley?

  Let's go!

• 46:17Speaker 01

  When you, when Quince asks how you heard about them, let them know that Are You Garbage sent you. It's the best way to support the show. Do it.

• 46:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  But, yeah, so she, she went inside, she came back out, and when she came back out, I was holding up the lid, and I said, "This isn't watching football."

• 46:32Speaker 01

  Oh, why are you such, I'm myself too. Such a dick for no fucking reason.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  And I never do that shit, because I know what's gonna happen, is the rest of the day-

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Suck.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  Is now Cold War. And immediately, I'm like-

• 46:44Speaker 01

  It's like us versus Vietnam all over.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, but hey, one of us has nukes.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  Hell, you're doing.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  But, yeah, so then immediately, as soon as I say it, I'm like, "Oh, no, what have I done?" And she's like, "Yeah, stupid, what the fuck?" And then she's mad at me, and then I'm like, "Come on, love me again."

• 46:57Speaker 01

  Oh, that tap dance to Winter Bear.

• 46:58H. Foley?

  You go immediately in the comedy after, after you say something like that?

• 47:01Speaker 03

  No, I try to be tough, and the whole time, I'm like, bleeding, cause the inside of my, I'm like, biting the inside of my mouth, you know?

• 47:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, I go immediately in the comedy.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  Hey!

• 47:10Speaker 03

  Oh, I tried that. She knows all my tricks. She's seen all my bits. She's been following me since vaudeville.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  I always find myself, like, putting, like, clothes from one receptacle, "Motherfucking, I'm not doing, I'm not putting up with this shit." And then I go back, like, "What are you doing?"

• 47:25Speaker 03

  She does all the laundry, she folds it, and then she's like, "Would you put your stuff away?" And I'm like-

• 47:29H. Foley?

  Oh, great.

• 47:30Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 47:31H. Foley?

  I'm gonna cut the lawn too?

• 47:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:33H. Foley?

  Fucking sucks. I like doing laundry now. I do it at a, uh, laundromat.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  I like cutting the lawn.

• 47:39H. Foley?

  You like cutting the lawn?

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 01

  You got a rider or, uh, push?

• 47:42H. Foley?

  I have one of those.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  A weed whacker?

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, weed whacker.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  How big's the lawn?

• 47:46H. Foley?

  It's pretty big.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  That's crazy, you're doing the weed. That's the tragicest answer we've ever- That's something I would do at 14.

• 47:52H. Foley?

  You're cutting the grass with a weed whacker?

• 47:53Speaker 03

  I'll tell you why, cause I've-

• 47:55Speaker 01

  I'm a dirtbag.

• 47:56H. Foley?

  You're out there with a sickle?

• 47:58Speaker 03

  I had to pawn the riding mower. Uh, no, it's because there's clover in my yard too, and I want to cut the grass down to the same level as the clover. So, that's why I'm using the weed whacker, cause I want the clover to replace the grass.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  But you want the clover to replace-

• 48:11Speaker 03

  I want all grass, I want all clover back there, yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Can you seed that, or no?

• 48:15Speaker 03

  I do seed it, but, uh-

• 48:16H. Foley?

  You seed clover?

• 48:17Speaker 03

  I just throw it right on top, yeah.

• 48:19H. Foley?

  I thought that was weeds. Is it clover a weed?

• 48:21Speaker 03

  Clover is a nitrogen fixer for your lawn, and it also, also, if you do white Dutch clover, it'll bloom, and it's very good for pollinators.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  Pants out for a couple days too.

• 48:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Don't smoke it out of a pop can.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  Get an eighth of it. Wake up, your underwear's on backwards.

• 48:36H. Foley?

  It's like 50 a quarter.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Someone shit my pants.

• 48:41H. Foley?

  Clover smells good when you cut it.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 48:43H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Speaker 03

  I mean, I've-

• 48:44H. Foley?

  Sweet smell.

• 48:45Speaker 03

  The more that our lives have removed us from anything real or palpable, the more I've just been like wanting to be in the yard. You know, just like in the dirt, like actually seeing gradual improvements to the things I've done. Cause like, most of our lives are fucking empty and we have to do a bunch of shit that's boring and like embarrassing as comedians, you know? At least that's my opinion.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  We'll be at Gotham next week.

• 49:05Speaker 03

  Hey, come see me at Philly Helium.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  I'm gonna be there.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  Kevin's doing a guest set.

• 49:09H. Foley?

  I pictured the, um-

• 49:11Speaker 03

  He didn't want to, but I just said he had.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Apparently every night.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's hosting too.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  I'll host.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  He's hosting the late shows.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  I'll host.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  No, Shane O'Connor would kill you. I heard he said Shane O'Connor could host.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Who's Shane O'Connor?

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Uh oh, that's gonna hurt him worse.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 49:25H. Foley?

  Love you, buddy.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  I love you Shane. I'm just joking, it's a comedy podcast. You're not eating the meats, are you?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Cause if he is, then we have a bro.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Turn it off. I, I brought up Sagalow and Rogan yesterday and he went, I don't know who that is. And I thought, oh no.

• 49:39H. Foley?

  You're who Sag Daddy the god is? Well, I don't know what to tell you, buddy. Cracker fucking news fan.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  We're pro Sag Daddy over here.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 49:46H. Foley?

  Sag Daddy fan.

• 49:46Speaker 03

  I tried to bring him up on the, the biggest show and he was like, I'm unfamiliar. And I was like, oh, I hope Sagalow doesn't hear this.

• 49:52H. Foley?

  Uh, he's the voice of a new generation.

• 49:54Speaker 03

  He has huge arms.

• 49:56H. Foley?

  Sagalow?

• 49:56Speaker 03

  He posted a shirtless photo with Cray shirt. Yeah, he looks like Mutoid Man.

• 50:00H. Foley?

  Is he, is he getting jacked? Getting buffed?

• 50:02Speaker 03

  He looks like the body that Krang hid inside of in Ninja Turtles.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  Oh, that's Shane O'Connor.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I know.

• 50:09Speaker 03

  I believe it.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  Shout out to you Shane. Have a great weekend, pal. We love you.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  I'll see you next week.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Kevin's hosting.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  We gotta sell some tickets Shane.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  I'll just be doing the meet and greet.

• 50:20Speaker 03

  You're a nobody.

• 50:21H. Foley?

  I'm gonna be staying with you for a couple of weeks.

• 50:23Speaker 03

  He's selling my t-shirts. Yeah, I'm not trying to be a bummer, man, but like, that's why I like gardening.

• 50:28H. Foley?

  No, 100%.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  I've, I've, I noticed that this weekend, uh, I was in the burbs with the boy and just out in the backyard and like just the smell, it's like the autumn, it's that time and I haven't, you know, I've been, the past 20 years I've been living in the city. So it's like, I haven't felt that like kinda cold, dry grass dirt. Like the summers pass and it's that just like, there's a, you know, and he was playing with the grass and the dirt. And I'm like, I remember that smell of the leaves of playing in a leaf pile. And it was like, it hit me with that where I was like, ah, that is like before all the phones and everything. It was just like this, a real tangible moment.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Oh dude, and like Halloween, is there a better time than Halloween? When you're in the burbs and everyone's happy and you're out there and you're meeting your neighbors, you know?

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  I was dressed like a woman last year and I met all my neighbors for the first time and it was-

• 51:18Speaker 01

  This guy's a freak.

• 51:19Speaker 03

  Well, my niece wanted us to be Beetlejuice. So I had to be Beetlejuice's wife. Mostly cause she wanted to see me in makeup and a wig.

• 51:26H. Foley?

  Who was Beetlejuice's wife?

• 51:27Speaker 03

  I don't know, dude. These six year olds are fucking high.

• 51:30H. Foley?

  Catherine O'Hara?

• 51:30Speaker 03

  No, no, that was that other guy's wife.

• 51:34H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 51:34Speaker 03

  Who was conveniently edited out of the sequel.

• 51:37H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  The guy from Ferris Bueller, let's just say.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  Ben Stein?

• 51:43Speaker 03

  No.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  I'm trying to win his money.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  Sorry. My friend Jake likes to watch old Wins- Ben Stein's Money on, uh, on YouTube.

• 51:53Speaker 01

  I loved it at the time. I, does it hold up? It was probably a great show.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  It's good.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Kimmel?

• 51:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he's also horny. Ben Stein's always flirting. Oh dude, he's like, mm, I bet you'd like to open my notebook.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  That was the 90's though. That was wild.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  I think he was trading ass for pass. Sure.

• 52:07H. Foley?

  You think so?

• 52:08Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  And he only really won like 12 grand or something, right?

• 52:11Speaker 03

  No, you win like $800.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, it was like, it was, yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 03

  Which was 12 grand in 1999.

• 52:16H. Foley?

  Yikes. Jewish game show hosts, that's what you get, huh? And on that, Luke, come on. We're having a good time. This guy was trashing the good country of Vietnam, by the way.

• 52:27Speaker 01

  Hey, listen, Vietnam doesn't-

• 52:28H. Foley?

  This man doesn't have wildflowers.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Vietnam doesn't control the media, okay?

• 52:33Speaker 01

  You want to, you want that Patreon check to go through this month? You play fucking ball, okay?

• 52:37H. Foley?

  You wanna manufacture Scotch tape, you gotta bend down into Vietnamese. It's all made over there.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  If Vietnam could've got their hands on the weather, things would've been a little bit easier.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Maybe they would've won the war, huh?

• 52:47H. Foley?

  It did win the war.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  Some of us didn't. Not all of us came home, Kevin.

• 52:54H. Foley?

  My dad didn't.

• 52:57H. Foley?

  Eventually you got him.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  He went on to sell insurance.

• 52:59H. Foley?

  Goddamn Agent Orange. Agent Orange.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Agent Orange Chicken.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:05H. Foley?

  Hey, I like a PF Chang's as much as a next fella.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  But what the fuck? I gotta put my foot down. I'm a goddamn patriot at the end of the day.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  Asian Orange Chicken was a quick work, I must say.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, man. So you're the king, kid.

• 53:21H. Foley?

  I had some General Sausage just two nights ago. Then I had it for breakfast the next day. Delicious.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  You had breakfast General Sausage?

• 53:27H. Foley?

  I did.

• 53:27Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 53:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, cold. I like it cold.

• 53:29Speaker 03

  You're not eating the rice cold though? You're not leaving the rice out?

• 53:31H. Foley?

  No, that's a great question, Sam.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  Good.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  Thanks for stopping by.

• 53:36Speaker 03

  Samtalent.com, fun.

• 53:37H. Foley?

  I eat the chicken out of the to-go container.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god, no one cares. I can't let you finish. I cannot.

• 53:46H. Foley?

  Luke, cut their mics.

• 53:49H. Foley?

  And make it rain over there.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  This is not why I flew in.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  See, you know what? I eat two pieces and then I put away and 15 minutes later I'm all over.

• 53:58H. Foley?

  I eat all the chicken except for the ones that are coated in rice. I just throw those out or give them to the dog.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  I like to do a bite and sip with the Slim Fast.

• 54:05H. Foley?

  And then I heat the, um, the rice up in a bowl in the microwave and then I have that. But it has all the General Sausage sauce in it.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 54:11H. Foley?

  And maybe a crispier too.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  This is how I win.

• 54:13H. Foley?

  Yes. Then I eat the shrimp, uh, the shrimp raw. I eat that cold.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  Do it in a pan. Do the rice in a pan. You get fried rice.

• 54:19H. Foley?

  Nah, can't do it. I don't like triple fried rice. That's too crunchy.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  Oh, it's already fried?

• 54:24H. Foley?

  Of course it's already fried.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  Alright, I thought it was just white rice. My wife doesn't let us eat fun stuff anymore.

• 54:29H. Foley?

  What?

• 54:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:29H. Foley?

  You gotta get Chinese food with white rice?

• 54:31Speaker 03

  Oh, if we get Chinese food, I do it and eat it in the car. I don't get Chinese food.

• 54:36H. Foley?

  That's how the Korean War started.

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Well, and you know what?

• 54:39H. Foley?

  The North said white and the South was like, we're gonna fry it up, put some chicken in there. And they freaked out.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  It's never been the same since.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  That's what the DMZ's all about.

• 54:48H. Foley?

  What the hell they're doing.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  I'm gonna get Dennis Rodman on the phone.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  Get him over there. He'll fry it up.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  I think they're beefing now, right?

• 54:57H. Foley?

  He's dead.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:58H. Foley?

  Not Dennis Rodman.

• 54:59Speaker 03

  No, the worm lives forever.

• 55:00H. Foley?

  Kim Jong-un is dead.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  Is he?

• 55:01Speaker 03

  That's what they're saying.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  My condolences.

• 55:05H. Foley?

  It's been months now.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  Patreon's gonna go under.

• 55:08H. Foley?

  He's not calling me back.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  No, Sam Yam, South Korean, I think.

• 55:11H. Foley?

  Sam Yam. Shout out to him.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  Shout out to Jack Conte and Sam Yam.

• 55:15H. Foley?

  The boys.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  We got them somewhere.

• 55:16H. Foley?

  Right up there on top.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  On top.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  That's Skeletor, stupid.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  Who's this boy?

• 55:22H. Foley?

  Start at Rumble.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  That's me.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  That's you?

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  I'm there and there. I'm on the set twice.

• 55:26H. Foley?

  You ever seen a head that size on a kid?

• 55:28Speaker 03

  That's a huge fucking head. It's crazy, right?

• 55:30Speaker 01

  A lot of brain power in here. That's where you come up with Asian chicken.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  The majority of your head starts above your eyebrows in that photo.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Okay, we're moving on.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Are you wearing a wig?

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Like a young Alec Baldwin.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  Well, I do not like the way this turned.

• 55:42Speaker 03

  Look at Hank.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  He got a big head.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  That's a normal sized head right there.

• 55:45H. Foley?

  That kid right there.

• 55:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  That ain't a normal sized pee pee though.

• 55:50H. Foley?

  Hey, son of a bitch. The tie makes it look small.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  He's bottomless in that photo.

• 55:55H. Foley?

  I think I was. Catholic school, what are you gonna do? Had to graduate.

• 55:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've always wondered who that boy is.

• 56:00H. Foley?

  That kid that's got his whole life in front of him.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  No, he does not. That senior year of high school. That guy had his whole life behind him.

• 56:08H. Foley?

  Woo, went downhill from there quick.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  Yikes.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  Turns like lacrosse is not the way out of the ghetto.

• 56:16H. Foley?

  I should've joined the army.

• 56:18Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 56:19H. Foley?

  I'm a marine.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  So you can defect and join the other side, you fucking, you turncoat.

• 56:25H. Foley?

  Just to get back to Vietnam to defect. Hey, my dad said this place was cool.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  So the chicks are pretty smooth.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Said the chicks got huge dicks.

• 56:36H. Foley?

  You guys make bologna sandwiches with pate? I'm in.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  No, I'm with you. Yeah, a holdover from colonialism.

• 56:45H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  And they say it's bad. We wouldn't have pho without colonialism.

• 56:49H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 56:50Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:50H. Foley?

  Is that true?

• 56:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:51H. Foley?

  The French had something to do with that?

• 56:53Speaker 03

  Pho, pot of pho is a French dish and pho, P-H-O, was just the approximation that they made over there in Vietnam.

• 56:59H. Foley?

  Huh. That's goddamn delicious.

• 57:01Speaker 03

  Not really a funny fact, but a fact.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  You ever been to Vietnam?

• 57:03Speaker 03

  No, I have. My wife's been.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  You've only been to Japan, right?

• 57:05Speaker 03

  Been to Japan, yeah. I did a layover in Singapore, but I set foot, that was it. Didn't spin on the ground, I'll tell you what.

• 57:12H. Foley?

  I did a layover in Delaware one night.

• 57:14Speaker 03

  I wanna say, if we do this trip down to OB or whatever.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  What's OB?

• 57:19Speaker 03

  I don't know, Ocean Beach.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, Wildwood.

• 57:21Speaker 03

  We have to do a show in Delaware while I'm there. Cause I've never done a show in Delaware.

• 57:24H. Foley?

  At the Starboard in Dewey Beach?

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Oh, we'll go, we'll find it out.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  The only state I haven't performed in.

• 57:27Speaker 01

  Listen, this summer, we'll be at the Starboard in Dewey Beach.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  It's a, I think it's like a-

• 57:32H. Foley?

  Wait, we are?

• 57:33Speaker 01

  No, we can.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  Let's do it as a team.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  It'll be fun. Bring your lady down. You bring your kid or your lady, one or the other.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Well, my kid opens for us now.

• 57:41H. Foley?

  They stay at the Ocean Motel there. Ocean Hotel, across the street from the Starboard. It's very nice.

• 57:45Speaker 03

  Let's rent the whole hotel too. How much will that be? Like $800?

• 57:48Speaker 01

  I don't know. I feel like I wanna take a bath on this trip.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Um, no, yeah, we can, yeah, we can do Delaware. We can set something up in Delaware, I'm sure.

• 57:55H. Foley?

  Luke, call my therapist, I need a mulligan.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  And we can take the ferry from New Jersey, from Cape May to Delaware.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  We're already taking a ferry, right?

• 58:00H. Foley?

  Hey, Luke's coming.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  Luke will be there? Come on.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  Aiden, um-

• 58:06Speaker 03

  I wish I had a how you doing? You're gonna be lucky that you got the a-der.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Well, that was, I mean, that's really, uh, from a little mo that we then started saying on the road. Aiden, aiden, and it just changed to, uh, really co-opted it.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  So you're all stealing bits. That's good.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, obviously. Is anything original anymore?

• 58:25H. Foley?

  Call AI.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  This book about a hitman in Paris doing one last job. No one's ever done this before.

• 58:30Speaker 01

  I've seen that a thousand times.

• 58:32H. Foley?

  It's a bestseller.

• 58:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, national bestseller.

• 58:34H. Foley?

  National bestseller.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Immediate.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:37H. Foley?

  Look at that. Beautiful.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd love to see it.

• 58:39Speaker 03

  But no one cares about books. That's the issue.

• 58:41H. Foley?

  That's not true.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  That's what I hear.

• 58:43H. Foley?

  His generation, these kids are all starting to read again.

• 58:46Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Multiple, listen, nobody has ever texted me, hey, this, I like this book, this book is good. Multiple people. Maybe because we're pals, but have texted me, this book is great read. No one's ever recommended a book.

• 58:58Speaker 03

  Shout out Pat.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Shout out.

• 59:00H. Foley?

  I'm reading a book right now. Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 03

  How to Apologize?

• 59:05Speaker 01

  He hasn't, he hasn't cracked that thing open yet.

• 59:07H. Foley?

  They call it the big book. I'm not there yet, dickhead.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  I can't wait for step nine.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  How many episodes is that gonna be? You should just do step nine as like a Patreon series.

• 59:18H. Foley?

  You have to, you have to do it in inventory of the things you've done.

• 59:21Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, you love doing inventories.

• 59:22H. Foley?

  Oh, I know.

• 59:23Speaker 03

  That'll be fun.

• 59:24H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Yuck.

• 59:25H. Foley?

  Little yada yadas in there.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Is that the other thing?

• 59:29Speaker 03

  You know.

• 59:30H. Foley?

  You know.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Don't make me fucking spell it out for you.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  We were both there.

• 59:36H. Foley?

  Don't make me spell it out for you, straight. Don't make me spell it out. You know what I'm talking about, huh?

• 59:43Speaker 01

  What are you, half a momo? You know what I'm saying?

• 59:46H. Foley?

  I was banging it.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  We're all fucking adults here. Don't make me fucking so, my, oh. Fucking phony soprano over here.

• 59:54H. Foley?

  Phony soprano, now that's funny.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  He just wrote opener under it too.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  New opener. And closer.

• 1:00:05H. Foley?

  Joke from 20 minutes ago? Cause I only do 20.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  It's 17 and a half.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  Dude, I'll be in the grooves. I was going, he's doing the funeral, but you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. I just got out of bed.

• 1:00:22H. Foley?

  That's in a bad headspace. That's all behind us now.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:26H. Foley?

  Come see us at Gotham.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  I had a guy, I had a guy open for me at the Virginia Beach Funeral Dome and uh.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  I hate that fucking room. Dude, we sold it out and bombed. Everybody bombed.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  To the point where we got off stage, we're like, this is, we've never done so bad in Syracuse. We bombing. And then Virginia, they go, that's the best show I've ever seen in my life. I'm like, he could have fucking told me.

• 1:00:48Speaker 03

  You could have smiled once.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  Once.

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. Turn the lights on in here. No, this guy, my buddy Nathan couldn't open, so he's like, hey, I'm opening for you. Uh, and I, I got a lot to say. And I was like, okay.

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a bad sign.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  That's like the handshake, I got a lot to say. And I was like, oh yeah, all right. Well, uh, you're doing 20? And he's like, yeah. All right. And then he reveals that he just found out he's getting divorced.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  Then he went up there.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Have Henry open up for you?

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  No, cause this guy.

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  I'm H. Foley and I got a lot to say.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  No, this guy went long.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  How much time do you think this guy did who had a lot to say who was just getting divorced? He's supposed to do 20.

• 1:01:23H. Foley?

  Seven minutes.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  25.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  36.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  36 minutes?

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  And he wasn't killing.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  That's so long with someone doing bad. It's so long.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  And he did the slow, confident walk to the stage too. And I'm watching him like, oh, this guy's gonna be great. And then, God bless him.

• 1:01:38H. Foley?

  Don't you? I don't have that in me.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  I do, I did, we, I, I don't, it wasn't.

• 1:01:42H. Foley?

  I wanna get the hell out of here.

• 1:01:43Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  It was Albany, it was somewhere where we couldn't take a host. So it had to be a flying gig. Cause there was a time when we wouldn't fly out the, the, the host.

• 1:01:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Um, and we just had to take whoever was there. And this, this guy was sharing the green room with them. And it's like, you go, there'll be the club guy who's that local guy. It's their green room. They've been in that green room a hundred times. You're new.

• 1:02:06Speaker 03

  They've written their name on the wall 46 times with the date of every time they were there. Yeah.

• 1:02:11H. Foley?

  He had a show shirt hanging in the green.

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  Show shirt. So dude, he's takes his, takes.

• 1:02:15H. Foley?

  Which was the same shirt he was wearing.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  Takes his shirt off, puts a show shirt on. And I'm like, this guy is gonna obviously.

• 1:02:22H. Foley?

  Murder.

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  Like, and you're like, fuck, he's gonna, he's, this guy knows the room, the local, like, he's, he knows the mechanics of the room.

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  This guy's a competent professional.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  He bombed without a, an inkling of how bad he was actually doing. It was like he was in a vacuum, just performing. And he went, I could never ever have that. To where you just go, how do you not know what's going on? How do you have that confidence? Imagine steaming a shirt going, this is the show shirt.

• 1:02:49H. Foley?

  I always, I always think I'm bombing.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  That's good though.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Most comics think they get off and they go, even when you do really well, you went, I fooled them. Like, got by.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  How about this? This is one of my favorite combinations in standup. Uh, white host, typically like a 24 year old boy. He goes long. And then you have the black sound professional coming in to reprimand him for going long. That is maybe my favorite thing to witness. I just had it at the Comedy Club of Kansas City. The host went and did like 17, supposed to do 10.

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:03:18Speaker 03

  He came in, so my buddy Nathan walks out and as they do the handshake, he says, you're fired. So the kid comes into the green room all stressed and I say, hey, give me your shoes.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  Were you, was?

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  I'm joking, he's a friend. I'm joking. I'm like, give me your shoes. And he's like, what? I was like, take your shoes off. And I give, and I look at the bottom, feel his shoes. And I'm like, doesn't seem to be covered in tar or honey. Why were you stuck up there so long?

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  It's good.

• 1:03:40Speaker 03

  So he, yeah, it's fun. And I say, hey, I'm not mad. Don't worry. It's all good. And then the sound professional comes in and I'm like, oh, uh, yeah, he went a little long. And she says, Mr. Talent, can I, uh, say what I have to say? And I was like, please. And then she's like, your dumb ass did 17 minutes up there? You should have been looking for the light at six. You're fucking bombing. What are you talking about? How are you up there so long? Oh, yeah. And I'm dying.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  I kinda liked that.

• 1:04:03Speaker 03

  It was awesome.

• 1:04:04H. Foley?

  That was me.

• 1:04:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  All right. That was me. I told you I had 17.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  Good or bad, I'd still 17. I like that though.

• 1:04:12H. Foley?

  Barbecue sauce on my shoes, not honey.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  And it was white barbecue sauce. Yeah.

• 1:04:17H. Foley?

  I don't get that.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  White barbecue?

• 1:04:19H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:04:19Speaker 03

  It's the best on chicken.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  It's a, it's a vinegar and mayonnaise, I think.

• 1:04:24H. Foley?

  I don't get that.

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  It's good on chicken.

• 1:04:25H. Foley?

  Something seems wrong about that.

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  It kinda has a viscosity that's mostly for bathhouse floors, but still.

• 1:04:31H. Foley?

  We did, we had that in Atlanta. We went to that bar with Casey B. I think it was Atlanta. No, Nashville.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  Alabama White.

• 1:04:39H. Foley?

  Barbecue. Yeah. Where'd that come from?

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  Well, you need like, you want it to look red, like it needs to be.

• 1:04:46H. Foley?

  I just think it's fucked up. It's like, you, you're fucking over barbecue sauce now?

• 1:04:49Speaker 03

  I mean, that might've been there longer than barbecue sauce.

• 1:04:52H. Foley?

  That's like balsamic vinegar. Where the fuck did that come from?

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  Kevin just keeps refreshing the AYG analytics page on YouTube.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  No, I didn't refresh it at all.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Check my cookie history.

• 1:05:07H. Foley?

  What's that?

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  Don't check my cookie history. I got in late last night and ate a whole box of cereal.

• 1:05:13H. Foley?

  Nice.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  What kind of cereal?

• 1:05:14Speaker 03

  Some weird cereal they had at the bodega that I'd never heard of.

• 1:05:17H. Foley?

  Talk to me.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  It was called, uh, it was called Branberry. And it was like bran flakes that have blueberry in it. And I was like, this looks healthy. And then I, I have no idea.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  I got it right here.

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  It was, yeah, look, Branberry.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Antioxidant rich.

• 1:05:31H. Foley?

  Oh, you were at a nice, you were at a nice bodega.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  It was the one across the street. I was at a market, maybe. Yes. There were still a lot of people in there on speakerphone.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  Dude, even the color scheme of this box stinks.

• 1:05:41Speaker 03

  I ate a whole box of that.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  With Onyx Sorghum.

• 1:05:43Speaker 03

  And a whole jug of milk. So I got in.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Separately or in a?

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  No, I mixed them.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. How do you eat cereal?

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't know why that took me a minute.

• 1:05:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. You all right? You have a fever?

• 1:05:56H. Foley?

  You got a little gray hair?

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  It's a goddamn bee in the me.

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  Refresh the page, buddy.

• 1:06:00H. Foley?

  What the fuck is Onyx Sorghum?

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  I just said that.

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  Sorghum is again, back to the menonite.

• 1:06:05H. Foley?

  How's the name of the sound guy?

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. Sorghum is kind of like, uh.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  Gonna learn all about it in brute.

• 1:06:11H. Foley?

  Not menonite. Sorghum's not menonite. It's a chemical.

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  No, sorghum is, uh, like, uh, what's that?

• 1:06:16H. Foley?

  Oh, that was the bad guy. Ghostbusters 2.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  Sorghum, sorghum, the Carpathian. Yeah.

• 1:06:20Speaker 04

  It's an antioxidant rich grain developed by plant breeders at Texas A&M University.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  And you can make it into syrup, right?

• 1:06:26H. Foley?

  Sex with plants?

• 1:06:28Speaker 03

  I'm sure.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  Germination.

• 1:06:30Speaker 03

  No breathing.

• 1:06:32H. Foley?

  I thought, you know what I thought you were gonna have was Crave. You ever have Crave?

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  I've had Crave.

• 1:06:36H. Foley?

  They're pretty good.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  Is Crave the protein cereal?

• 1:06:38H. Foley?

  I don't know. No, it's got chocolate in the center.

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  Crave's 2CB. Yeah.

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  Luke has a bunch in his pocket.

• 1:06:45H. Foley?

  That designer shit in San Diego.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  It's what they were doing in New Jack City.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  No pills, no powders. Where it comes to ground.

• 1:06:53H. Foley?

  We gotta play Crave, daddy. Crave's all right.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  Crave sounds like a drug from a movie.

• 1:06:58H. Foley?

  Can I be honest with you?

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  The kids are on Crave.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  Don't do it. You're all hopped up on Crave.

• 1:07:02H. Foley?

  Can I be honest with you? And I'm glad you, I'm glad you had the, the strength and the courage. And I commend you for saying that.

• 1:07:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:07:09H. Foley?

  I don't think it's that crazy for a grown man, if he is hungry and it is a regular sized box of cereal, to crush that entire box.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  I, I couldn't be in more agreement with you. And also, if you have a big old bowl, it's fun. If you can get a bowl that's like this big and you just dump the box in there, put all the milk, and then you have to walk around eating it like this, like you're scooping guts out of a pumpkin. I like that phenomenon.

• 1:07:34H. Foley?

  You know what's great too? When the cereal under the milk line gets soggy and there's still those little crunchies on top.

• 1:07:40Speaker 03

  Oh my God. When you get the scabs on the rice checks, but the bottom, this, oh, and it's all mushy.

• 1:07:45H. Foley?

  I love a rice check.

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  It's my favorite.

• 1:07:47H. Foley?

  I love a rice check.

• 1:07:48Speaker 03

  With some sorghum on there maybe? I'm not sure.

• 1:07:49H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 1:07:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, we'll see.

• 1:07:51Speaker 01

  I like a little white barbecue sauce.

• 1:07:52H. Foley?

  A little bit of Corinthian sprinkled on it. Very good. Yeah, I like that.

• 1:07:56Speaker 03

  I'm with you. Who's policing our cereal eating? And also, I'm not eating cereal every day.

• 1:08:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Speaker 03

  I had a very stressful day where I flew in, I wake up, I'm like, I gotta eat some cereal.

• 1:08:04H. Foley?

  It's the best at night.

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  You named, you named two things and one of them was waking up.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  It was tough. Yeah.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  First of all, I gotta wake up. Nobody wants to do that.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  Have you been asleep? It's pretty sick. All right.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  It's way cooler than being awake.

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's one of the better ways to be alive. Sleeping, yes. But no, so I, I did Rogan yesterday. So I, so I flew in from that here and then was like, I didn't have any pot, couldn't find any pot when I got in. So I ate a whole thing of cereal.

• 1:08:27H. Foley?

  Get me sorghum or give me death.

• 1:08:29Speaker 04

  Also, referring to it as pot. That's, that's old soul stuff.

• 1:08:33Speaker 03

  I'm an old man, dude.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  Smoke some pot.

• 1:08:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:34H. Foley?

  You didn't bring any with you from?

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  I have a pen, but I want a little reefer when I hit, you know?

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  You don't got a plug? Hit up Luke.

• 1:08:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:41Speaker 01

  Luke.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Luke won't give me his number.

• 1:08:42H. Foley?

  You couldn't find weed in New York City at 2:30 in the morning, whenever it was? But you found sorghum?

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  I found some other cool stuff.

• 1:08:47H. Foley?

  What'd you find?

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  I'll talk to you afterward.

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  No, no, you won't. No, you will not, Sam.

• 1:08:52Speaker 03

  Some of that craze. Let's just say Tompkins Square is alive.

• 1:08:55H. Foley?

  Sure it is.

• 1:08:58H. Foley?

  Good cruising spot.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  Cause you bump into Diesel out there.

• 1:09:00Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Diesel was out there turning tricks.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  Diesel, Tompkins Square is Diesel territory. So he hangs.

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, he hangs from the chin up party with press girls.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  We gotta wrap it up. I think you gotta get out of here. Yeah.

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  I don't gotta go anywhere. I gotta do some dumb show that they tricked me into doing cause they said you did it.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  Don't blame me for that.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  No, I'm sure it's great. The show where you drink and I don't drink.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  You don't drink anymore?

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't know.

• 1:09:24H. Foley?

  You quit drinking?

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:25H. Foley?

  Let's go!

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm a big pothead, but I don't drink.

• 1:09:28H. Foley?

  Ooh, the big relapse in Wildwood, New Jersey. Coming this summer.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  The, I do, I will drink. If I, I was on a vineyard with my wife in New Zealand and the owner of the vineyard was like, have a glass of this wine. It's my favorite I've ever made. And I was like, duh.

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  Got any reefer?

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. Hey, you got any grass pops? Trying to get lifted.

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  You got any doobage? Hey, sorghum.

• 1:09:46H. Foley?

  Gang, the new book, Brute.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  That's the whole epic.

• 1:09:48H. Foley?

  By Mr. Sam and Talent, national bestseller.

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  Uh, Philadelphia, I'll be at Helium. Denver Comedy Works.

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  I'm gonna be, I'm gonna, if, if you'll, you'll have me, I'll pop in.

• 1:09:59Speaker 03

  I'd love to have you.

• 1:09:59H. Foley?

  He smells smart.

• 1:10:00Speaker 03

  Royal Oak, I'm gonna fill my shows in Royal Oak and put that out at the end of the year. So yeah, get your tickets. Hartford.

• 1:10:06H. Foley?

  You know how much we love you?

• 1:10:07Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:10:08H. Foley?

  You know how much?

• 1:10:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, it's mutual, bro. I love you guys.

• 1:10:11H. Foley?

  We love you so much. We're so proud of you.

• 1:10:12Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:10:12H. Foley?

  And so happy for your success.

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  Thanks. And also you have lost weight too and you look good.

• 1:10:16Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  I don't think anyone ever says that to me.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  No, it's fair. It's okay.

• 1:10:19H. Foley?

  I tell you all the time, I always give you compliments.

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  We need to get some fucking weight on this guy.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  I'm trying.

• 1:10:24Speaker 03

  This ghoul over here will click clack.

• 1:10:25Speaker 01

  Get him some sorghum.

• 1:10:26H. Foley?

  Dope.

• 1:10:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:28H. Foley?

  He's gotta lay out the zannies.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, you pill head.

• 1:10:33H. Foley?

  Parents just not take drugs.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:35H. Foley?

  I do.

• 1:10:35Speaker 03

  He steals them.

• 1:10:37H. Foley?

  Gang, Sam, we love you.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love you, Sammy.

• 1:10:40H. Foley?

  Kippy, I love you.

• 1:10:41Speaker 01

  I love you.

• 1:10:41H. Foley?

  Luke, I love you, buddy. Gang, we'll see you in three days and we love you.

• 1:10:45Speaker 03

  Peace.

• 1:10:45H. Foley?

  Peace.

• 1:10:47Speaker 05

  LinkedIn is pretty amazing at helping you grow your small business. We cannot stop your new clients from emailing you at 3 a.m.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  We can help you sell, market and hire in one place. We cannot help you be in three places at once. And while we can't help you organize your calendar, LinkedIn can help you land more clients so you have a calendar to organize. Grow your small business on LinkedIn. Learn more at LinkedIn.com slash small business.