ARI SHAFFIR Retires!

Are You Garbage is back with Ari Shaffir for his retirement party! You Know Ari Shaffir from Stand Up Comedy, Protect Our Parks, the Joe Rogan Experience, You Be Trippin, This is Not Happening, Kill Tony, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, The Tucker Carlson Show and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Better Help: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE Pestie: For 10% off your order, go to https://pestie.com/ayg Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wait, hold on, before you sip, I have a toast.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  There are good ships.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  Let me take this on the top.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:33H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Hey, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're great to be classy. Yeah. But they're just a big ol' piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She's out in the living room watching a little QVC. Okay. With a side of DMT. Okay. So who knows what's gonna be showing up at the house? My new co-host is coming at you from right next to me.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  Hobo Jones, everybody. That's my boy, that's my boy Cracker Jack.

• 1:13H. Foley?

  How often do you see Starsky and Hutch?

• 1:16Speaker 03

  When you're selling slaves, you gotta look for two things.

• 1:19H. Foley?

  Fucking Honey Bear over here. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world and I love him. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  What up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Uh, full video available over there on Spotify. And I got it, we're climbing the charts over there, baby. And then the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You get over there, you get 2 billion hours of bonus content.

• 1:49H. Foley?

  Yes, sir. And we're trying to keep up good faces here, but we got a very special guest here. His final, final, final performance here.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 1:57H. Foley?

  On Are You Garbage.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  They're retiring, I hear.

• 1:59H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  They're retiring.

• 2:01H. Foley?

  The Ari Shaffer farewell tour.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  Farewell tour's come to an end and I had to drop into the garbage boys to say goodbye one last time at favorite pod.

• 2:08H. Foley?

  He's heading off to the, uh, what's it called? The Seed Locker in Antarctica? They're putting you up there?

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Looks like you've already been there a couple of years.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  In case you get rid of the Jews, they're like, we thawed one out. It's not our best.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  And he's really Jewish.

• 2:22H. Foley?

  Mr. Ari Shaffir, everybody, the legend. Look at him.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Thank you, boys.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  At this point, you're currently somewhere in the world.

• 2:30H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll be out, I'm gone, enjoying the world.

• 2:35H. Foley?

  Where in the world is Carmen Epstein, eh?

• 2:38Speaker 03

  What if I could just go straight to Epstein Island and just stay there? What'd you see? I'm like, all sorts of stuff. I don't want to talk about it.

• 2:44H. Foley?

  You're gonna be traveling around, you're gonna do your thing, and you're coming back.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Take a little sabbatical, just gonna travel around and see the world, learn some Mandarin.

• 2:52H. Foley?

  And you're starting your new life.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then I go to London.

• 2:55H. Foley?

  Damascus.

• 2:55Speaker 03

  London, Damascus.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  Open up Syrian comedy club.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, what a great one that would be. Listen, there's a lot of jokes you can't do here tonight, uh, almost all.

• 3:08H. Foley?

  Syrian comedy club, head will roll.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, you guys gotta go visit me in London.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  You guys got real topical, real quick.

• 3:15H. Foley?

  Nobody's coming to London.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  What do you mean? It's right there.

• 3:18H. Foley?

  Nah.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  You are, you have been inviting a lot of people to a place you're not currently at now.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  That is true, that is true.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  That's like, when I get my new house, it's gonna be-

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Sure, I'll probably have a spare bedroom for the first time in my life. You're welcome to come stay in it.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Also, you think I'm gonna fly across the fucking Atlantic Ocean to live with you? You're fucking nuts.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Come have a Coors Light. Like, I'm gonna, let's just do it on Zoom.

• 3:38H. Foley?

  Fucking beans and mash, or whatever you got over there.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  I'm not the guy.

• 3:41H. Foley?

  You're gonna be in some tenement in Liverpool, that'd be great. All jammed up.

• 3:45Speaker 03

  Oi!

• 3:48H. Foley?

  You look like you should be chasing Robin Williams around the house.

• 3:52Speaker 00

  You with an old school billy clue, you look like a cop from the fucking 1950s.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Dude, I love this so much.

• 3:57Speaker 00

  It's insane. I don't, I, I mean, you are constantly-

• 4:01Speaker 03

  The guy who works, there's a bodega where they sell, uh, cigarettes right near the cellar, just up towards-

• 4:06Speaker 00

  I know. Yeah, they're great, they are so nice.

• 4:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, he's a good guy, good guy.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  You open it, they take, if you open it and go, oh, you got a trash can, he goes, oh, hey, just leave it, I got it.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, most people are like, get, get out of my store.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, they're so nice.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  When I had the half and half cut, he was like, can I take a picture and send this back to Punjab?

• 4:21H. Foley?

  He's a big Kill Tony fan, that guy.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  Is he?

• 4:24H. Foley?

  Huge Kill Tony fan.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 4:25H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  That Tony's got reach.

• 4:30H. Foley?

  I was in there watching on a black and white TV.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  Also, it's nuts he didn't recognize Ari with a half a beard.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  I love Kill Tony. What the hell's wrong with your face?

• 4:38Speaker 03

  And then I got this, and he goes, I, I love it, it's obviously not as good as the half and half, but this is also cool.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Well, the half and half was for the AYG show.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  That's right. It was. And then I just kept it.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, we recorded it here. You had normal face. The next day, you showed up like that.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  That's right. That's right. I was at Sam's birthday party.

• 4:56H. Foley?

  And your spirit of Halloween suit, whatever the fuck you were wearing.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Norm was like, what's that for? I'm like, Ari Gerber. He goes, I'm doing that. I didn't shave my head. I'm like, yeah, but you have jokes.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  You got material.

• 5:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  You're a.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  I'm all finesse.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  This guy's working. Um, since it is your retirement.

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Okay. What do you got?

• 5:13Speaker 00

  Is it not your retirement?

• 5:14Speaker 03

  It's real. I'm retired.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  You're retired. Are you ever, you're never gonna step foot on stage again?

• 5:18Speaker 03

  I'm, that's, I'm done.

• 5:19Speaker 00

  That's what I've heard.

• 5:19H. Foley?

  Are you ever gonna come back to New York?

• 5:21Speaker 03

  This city can suck it. I'm gonna burn it down on my way out. I'm gonna light a match, walk away, let the explosion happen behind me as they just very coolly walk away.

• 5:30H. Foley?

  Are there any Jewish people in, in London? What are you gonna do for like, you know, soups and delicacies and all that kinda stuff?

• 5:37Speaker 00

  See if we can find a good Jewish restaurant, or a good Jewish deli.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  You think Jews got here after they got to the UK?

• 5:43H. Foley?

  I think Jews got here.

• 5:44Speaker 03

  Before, I mean, they're, they're, they started in the UK. I figured they wouldn't run around. Yeah, and then got there later. No, there's plenty of Jews there. There's plenty of matzo ball soup. Bagel scene, not great.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Are they like, Panzer's? That's not, that's the name after the tank. That's no good, dude. That's a, dude, that's a setup.

• 6:00H. Foley?

  We're mowing down the prices. Yikes.

• 6:04Speaker 00

  Ari, I love you. Don't go to Panzer's.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  It's a trap.

• 6:08H. Foley?

  Ah, welcome to Himmler's. What can I get you?

• 6:10Speaker 00

  The Blitzkrieg Cafe? That seems, that seems a little.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  Can I sit in the shower room, please?

• 6:17H. Foley?

  Ah, I'm gonna try the final solution, if that's cool.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  Jesus.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  I got a hummus bar.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  That's not bad.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  That's like a glue trap for you guys.

• 6:26H. Foley?

  Do you guys remember, do you remember that place, Mao's, that used to be in the city? You know what I'm talking about?

• 6:31Speaker 03

  This city?

• 6:31H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 6:31Speaker 03

  There was a Mao's in Venice that was like my favorite Chinese. What, where?

• 6:34H. Foley?

  No, no, no, no. It's not Chinese. It's a, it's a falafel joint.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  Sounds it.

• 6:37H. Foley?

  I think it's Belgium. You know what I'm talking about? It was in like Orange. There was, like the sign.

• 6:43Speaker 03

  Where was it in the city?

• 6:45H. Foley?

  It was over by NYU, leading up to Broadway where that big fire was. You know where the McDonald's is on Broadway? Down, downtown? Like in where NYU is?

• 6:54Speaker 03

  I love how your landmarks are of McDonald's.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  Right next to the Burger King.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  You know, the McDonald's is across from this Taco Bell, this is beer.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  Three paces, three paces from the Wendy's.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Is that the Empire State Building? The what?

• 7:05H. Foley?

  That's what I'm talking about. That's a very year.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Oh, Mao's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:08H. Foley?

  What the fuck? It's exactly the way I said it.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Mao's. You said Mao's. M-A-O.

• 7:12H. Foley?

  I didn't say Mao's like it was Vietnamese, like Mao.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. M-A-O. Yeah, it was right near, did they have one in Union Square?

• 7:19H. Foley?

  Yeah, maybe that's where I'm thinking. They probably have that over there in London.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  They probably do. Three and a half stars. Come on, guys. Get behind Mao's.

• 7:25H. Foley?

  Those places are great. Actually, pretty good. Closed down. Anyway, we digress. Since you are retiring.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:31H. Foley?

  Giving up, some would say.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:33H. Foley?

  Quitting.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  Asked to leave, let go.

• 7:35H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Downsized?

• 7:37H. Foley?

  Yeah, what are you actually running from?

• 7:39Speaker 03

  The law.

• 7:40H. Foley?

  Pissed somebody off, a barber?

• 7:42Speaker 03

  Done a lot of drugs. I overdosed some homeless people yesterday. I gave them some unknown drugs and one of them started convulsing and I was like, I gotta get out of here.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  You did show up with a bag of drugs that, I mean, like, I, listen, I've seen a lot of drugs before. That was...

• 7:56Speaker 03

  It's so fun being Santa Claus with drugs.

• 7:58H. Foley?

  No blow though. Did you already give the blow away? You didn't have that in stock.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  I don't take.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  That usually don't stay on the shelves.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  I do it if I'm in the mood and the guy seems trustworthy. I'm not taking that back with me. I don't need that pressure, but...

• 8:09H. Foley?

  You're not taking that back to the house with you?

• 8:10Speaker 00

  Coke doesn't sit in a lot of people's houses.

• 8:12H. Foley?

  That's true. I'm aware of that.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  There's no such thing as leftover Coke.

• 8:15Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  Supply and demand, baby. But, yeah, all the mushrooms and the weed.

• 8:19H. Foley?

  And that's quick.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Tucy.

• 8:21H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  That one is crazy.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  This guy was just peddling bath salts in the lobby.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  You see people light up with different drugs too. You tell what they're into. It's like, okay, I don't know, oh, weed. Oh, ketamine.

• 8:32H. Foley?

  Be funny if we leave, we find that he dosed out everybody.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  This episode did not get recorded. Brought to you by 2CB. The power of acid.

• 8:40H. Foley?

  Tony's out there all fucked up.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Let's just knock the fuck out.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Tony's just foaming.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  Well, we did get you a little present, Ari.

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Listen, we want to say this. We, we love you. We appreciate you.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  You're retiring.

• 8:49H. Foley?

  Yes, you're retiring. Everything you've done for us, all the times you've been on the show.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  My citizenship? Finally came in?

• 8:56Speaker 00

  We're revoking it.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Hey, I'd like to get, can I give up my citizenship? Let a Mexican in?

• 9:02Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 9:03Speaker 03

  I'm not using this.

• 9:04H. Foley?

  Do a little trade off?

• 9:05Speaker 03

  You got me a retirement, I assume, a watch?

• 9:08H. Foley?

  Yep.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  What? It's not a joke.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  That was a real retirement watch.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  I'm supposed to get a fucking snake popping out.

• 9:16Speaker 00

  A bunch of two C flights.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  Oh my god, I've never got a classy.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Left the price tag on.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  That's three digits, bro.

• 9:24H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  That's a citizen.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  Three digit watch.

• 9:27Speaker 00

  So it's engraved?

• 9:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 9:29H. Foley?

  Yeah? Got it engraved for you.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  It's a citizen, you didn't get that engraved?

• 9:34H. Foley?

  Yes we did.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  Oh, on the inside there.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  Who gets the bottom of the, of the clasp engraved?

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Citizen engraved, that's crazy.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  To Martin.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  Anniversary.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  It was a used watch we got in Chinatown.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  It's new to you.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  To Martin on our anniversary, that's fucking great.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  That's all the time we have for today, folks.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  And this nice little pillow.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  Yes, here you go.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Guys, that's fucking hilarious, oh my god.

• 10:04H. Foley?

  Try it on!

• 10:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I will.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  How much was it? Let them know.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  It's $4.25.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Was it? Diesel!

• 10:11H. Foley?

  Said 60 bucks!

• 10:12Speaker 00

  I told you a hundred.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  $425. What the?

• 10:15Speaker 00

  That's not any engraved.

• 10:16H. Foley?

  You deserve it.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  It's not engraved.

• 10:17H. Foley?

  Engraving was 70 more, plus we greased them a hundred to get same day service. You'll get the invoice.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  We have a few more things, this turned into a very expensive episode.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  Oh, there it is.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  There you go.

• 10:29Speaker 03

  Open a watch this expensive and nice, this is gonna get me robbed in Thailand for sure. It's gonna be like, let me show you down this alley real quick.

• 10:35H. Foley?

  What are you doing? It's on.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  This thing.

• 10:37H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  I'll try it on. Break it. Whoa. Guys, this is fucking wild.

• 10:42H. Foley?

  Man, you got some fucking skinny ass wrists. Jesus.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  You better get the Panthers.

• 10:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 00

  Get some bagels in.

• 10:52H. Foley?

  Hey, I'm on a little fucking creatine, dude.

• 10:54Speaker 00

  Gotta get some links taken out. Diesel, go get the links taken out.

• 10:57H. Foley?

  That's insane!

• 10:59Speaker 00

  No, that's kinda normal, that's probably too.

• 11:00H. Foley?

  No, it's not!

• 11:01Speaker 00

  Holy, you're rea- I mean, come on, you're no one to judge here.

• 11:04H. Foley?

  I tried it on already.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  It's so nice with a snap, guys, that's crazy.

• 11:08H. Foley?

  Yeah, citizen's a nice watch.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  You're like, eh, my, maybe a couple pounds less than me, that's it?

• 11:12H. Foley?

  I did.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  That's crazy, that's a, that is a.

• 11:16Speaker 03

  I'm your height too, I'm tall.

• 11:17H. Foley?

  You're taller than me.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  I'm taller than you. Wow, how bad loses it on you?

• 11:22Speaker 00

  It was the same as you, I'm a regular guy wrist here.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Regular guy wrist.

• 11:25H. Foley?

  Oh, I'm sorry, my power wrist intimidate you?

• 11:30Speaker 00

  This guy's a fucking man.

• 11:32Speaker 03

  God, what a fuck.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  My power.

• 11:33H. Foley?

  Fucking do that slapping shit.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  That's the fattest guy denial ever. Powerful, my fucking, my...

• 11:39Speaker 03

  Power wrist, that's such a great term.

• 11:42H. Foley?

  Anyway, we're gonna miss you, pal. Get the links taken out, don't wear it in fucking, you know, downtown Saigon or wherever you're going. I'm gonna say this for a nice occasion, I'm really going out.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  We all, yeah, no, I figured you'd give, you know...

• 11:51H. Foley?

  What nice occasions are you gonna have, you're fucking Dharma bumming it and fucking Miramar. When the new shipment of dog comes in for the barbecues, you're gonna be first in line?

• 12:00Speaker 00

  They're not chipping that in.

• 12:01H. Foley?

  Hello, uh, somebody, I'm somebody. You know what, if you get jammed up somewhere, that'll probably get you out of a pinch.

• 12:07Speaker 00

  Keep that in your asshole.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Take it for a year in my asshole, then come back, I'm like, didn't end up needing it, so I gotta get it out now.

• 12:18H. Foley?

  And also... And also? We, uh, we reached out to, you know...

• 12:21Speaker 00

  Your friends.

• 12:22H. Foley?

  A lot of your friends, to see if they would do, you know, a farewell video, since you're taking off. Nobody got back to us.

• 12:28Speaker 00

  No one, and one, one of your close friends did, we got one of your close friends, yeah, I mean, you've, I think you've known him for a very long time, uh, Mario Cantone.

• 12:40Speaker 04

  Ari, it's Mario Cantone. Uh, listen, I know that, you know, you were laid off, but this shit happens, first of all. Secondly, you're gonna be fine, because everyone goes through this rough shit, and you will bounce back. I promise you, I know you're bummed out, look, you know, I didn't work for years, then all of a sudden, and just like that, I'm back. Cause, and then when that ends, I'll probably be, you know, doing nothing, so this is life, unfortunately, just, you know...

• 13:12Speaker 00

  Can we pause it for a second?

• 13:13Speaker 03

  This seems down.

• 13:16H. Foley?

  He's doing great.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  There's another minute and 10 seconds left of this video.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  I mean, he is really dour. I feel, I think he needs some good wishes.

• 13:25H. Foley?

  What are you talking about? We told, we told him that you were striking out, that you were washed up and it was over.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  Sorry, got fired. That's so great. That's so great.

• 13:31Speaker 00

  Fucking cost me four minutes. This was more than a watch.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  What, really?

• 13:35Speaker 00

  Hey, less than 20.

• 13:36H. Foley?

  Mario K. Tone.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  I got, I put the.

• 13:38H. Foley?

  This ain't one of your drinking buddies. Goddamn Hollywood.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  This ain't fucking Sam Town or Mark Norman.

• 13:44H. Foley?

  Sammy, we love you.

• 13:45Speaker 00

  This is fucking, this guy's Hollywood royalty. Not one of those bozos you'd fucking hang out with.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  Let's hear a little more from Ariel.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Go away. Do something. Do something. Go see a Broadway show, come to New York. Start spreading the news you're leaving today.

• 14:07H. Foley?

  Did you stop at his place before you came here?

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Cameo is one of the saddest things I've ever seen in my life.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  It's just a cameo.

• 14:14H. Foley?

  It's sincerity. What do you mean?

• 14:18Speaker 00

  He loves you.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  I'm here though. Um, all right, all right, all right.

• 14:23H. Foley?

  He tried to get Bobcat, but he was out of, he was out of the country.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Straight in real life.

• 14:27Speaker 00

  We also, I'm out to someone.

• 14:29H. Foley?

  Very big.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  Very big. It's a very big get. We'll change the trajectory of the show.

• 14:34H. Foley?

  60, 70 year career man.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  What?

• 14:36Speaker 00

  So we'll see if in the next 40 minutes or so, I get an email back.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  James Biden?

• 14:41H. Foley?

  Who's James Biden?

• 14:42Speaker 03

  I don't know. The guy? Wasn't he in charge?

• 14:44Speaker 00

  James Biden?

• 14:45Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't follow this stuff.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  Hey, lay off the ketamine.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  I just realized nothing will make political people matter if you just say somebody's first name completely wrong. Yeah, Bob Clinton was, I mean, he put the banks in a issue.

• 14:59H. Foley?

  What's gonna happen when you get over there and fucking, there's no drugs, you're just fucking detoxing, sweating it out?

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Well, let me tell you about the world, buddy. There's drugs.

• 15:06H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 15:06Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. There's hostiles everywhere.

• 15:08Speaker 00

  You think if he's in some fucking?

• 15:09Speaker 03

  You don't think I'm gonna find the drugs?

• 15:10Speaker 00

  He's in some hut, mud hut. Somebody's not gonna give him some, lick a tree frog or something. This guy's gonna be zooted in a couple of hours.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  I know what you want.

• 15:19H. Foley?

  All fucked up on branches?

• 15:22Speaker 00

  It's him and a panda.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Lick this frog and shut up.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  Would you do that if you were like really trying to get fucked up?

• 15:28Speaker 03

  If everyone's doing it?

• 15:30H. Foley?

  Who's everyone?

• 15:30Speaker 03

  I'm not, if somebody brings out a frog.

• 15:32Speaker 00

  Me and the medicine woman.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  I'm like, no way. But if it's like, you pass it, you pass it, and like, uh, uh, like wants him? Like, yeah, how do you do it?

• 15:39Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:39H. Foley?

  Are you gonna make friends over there?

• 15:41Speaker 03

  I'll try. I'll try, other travelers.

• 15:44H. Foley?

  You start doing some weird version of protect our parks over there?

• 15:48Speaker 03

  Protect our forests, protect our Amazons.

• 15:56H. Foley?

  He's got his own squad over there.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, my own squad full of people with like, grass skirts.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  The version of Shane.

• 16:06H. Foley?

  How many?

• 16:07Speaker 03

  The version of Mark, like, good one, always with the quick ones, always with the quick ones, tuk tuk.

• 16:13H. Foley?

  Tuk tuk.

• 16:16H. Foley?

  Welcome back to Ari and tuk tuk, brought to you by Mouses.

• 16:20H. Foley?

  He's doing the fucking simple jack. Um.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  This is crazy gift.

• 16:25H. Foley?

  Oh, well, nobody got you a gift like that, huh? You came in here handing out drugs, everybody, nobody, no, no, nobody.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  I didn't know someone was coming back.

• 16:31H. Foley?

  Yeah. You know, you put it out there, it comes back. You've given us a lot and we love you and we appreciate you. It's just a prop, by the way, that's gotta be.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  We have our time.

• 16:40H. Foley?

  This studio is expensive.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  Citizen, that's a real brand.

• 16:43H. Foley?

  That's a nice watch.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:44H. Foley?

  Gang, this is an ad by BetterHelp. As you know, Uncle Hank has started a mental health journey. It's been going on for a minute, and I wouldn't be in it if it wasn't for BetterHelp. It's absolutely fantastic. If you have something going on, as we always say, do yourself a favor and reach out to BetterHelp. They can match you with a licensed therapist right in your own home. And here's another thing BetterHelp wants you to know. There's a lot of stress in the workplace. Workplace stress is now the, one of the top causes of declining mental health, with 61% of the global workforce experiencing higher than normal levels of stress. The battle of stress, most of us can't just wave goodbye to work,

• 17:26H. Foley?

  but we can start small with focusing on our wellness. You know what I'm saying? It's like walking up a little incline. Take that first step, bada boom, bada bing, you start to get yourself feeling better. So do yourself a favor, get over to BetterHelp. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide you access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/garbage. So do yourself a favor, get over to, that's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash garbage, and start your mental health journey today. Gang, let's talk about Pesti real quick. We got a lot of homeowners out there, a lot of people out there in the burbs, a lot of people with kids and pets in the house.

• 18:09H. Foley?

  You can't be going around spraying these harsh chemicals, zapping the dog and getting the kid all whacked out. That's why you gotta use Pesti because it's kid and pet friendly and baby, let me tell you something, I've been over to Kippy's pre and post Pesti and it works. That place looked like the Addams Family when I was over there before. Now it's something but green grass and clear skies over there. So do yourself a favor, get over to Pesti, if you got something going on, alright, no embarrassment, go over to Pesti, Pesti kid friendly, animal safe, and get the bugs out of there. You don't want to be dealing with that stuff, especially going into the fall, then you start going in the house, next thing you know, you pull out a bowl of cornflakes and you got roaches in there.

• 18:52H. Foley?

  And I ain't talking about the good roaches, I'm talking about the bad ones. So do yourself a favor, get over to Pesti. It's time to protect your home from bugs with Pesti. Go to pestie.com slash A Y G for an extra 10% off your order. An extra 10% off your order. That's Pesti, P E S T I E dot com slash A Y G for an extra 10%. Tell them the boys sent you, we love you. Back to the show. What I was gonna say, this might be a little too sentimental.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  What, spell that?

• 19:20H. Foley?

  I got the.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Semenental. Semenental?

• 19:23H. Foley?

  My aunt had that. Throwing up for a week.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Got it from bad dudes. She had a pizza bagel yesterday and I really did her wrong.

• 19:31H. Foley?

  Ooh, a nice pizza bagel. You better forget about that for a long time, huh? No fucking pizza, no hot dogs?

• 19:37Speaker 03

  I just got my first pizza bagel in New York. I was like, you know what? Where? Topkot Square Bagels. I had one of them, I'm like, fuck it. Pizza bagel.

• 19:46H. Foley?

  Hey, you fucked that all up, you're gonna be eating fucking pigs ears and whatever for the next fucking six months.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  Pig ear salads, yeah. I did fuck that up, I'm gonna miss the shit out of this. They got Chipotle wherever you're going? No.

• 19:56H. Foley?

  What about a nice sandwich?

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Huh? Sandwich, un sandwich, yeah. They got banh mi's. Banh mi's like one of the original sandwiches.

• 20:04H. Foley?

  No.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  The little ones? No, yeah, it's a little, it's a little.

• 20:07H. Foley?

  I don't like the bologna or whatever that is.

• 20:10H. Foley?

  There's nothing else in the sandwich, then it's just pickled vegetables.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's fresh bread.

• 20:13H. Foley?

  The pate's nice. I always get the extra order of pates, I can spear it on there.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Double up the pate.

• 20:18H. Foley?

  Big pate guy.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:20H. Foley?

  Goddamn gentleman.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know what I could eat out there. I gotta get some more bugs in me. Definitely.

• 20:25H. Foley?

  Nice bowling.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  Only friend that's ever said that, I gotta get more bugs in me.

• 20:28H. Foley?

  What I was gonna say is that you should keep that watch set at New York time, so you always know where your home is.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  That's a great idea.

• 20:36H. Foley?

  That's what I always do whenever I travel.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  Really?

• 20:38H. Foley?

  I always keep it on New York time, so I know.

• 20:40Speaker 03

  You don't wanna redo it?

• 20:41H. Foley?

  No, just so I know.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  You're a watch guy, you're not a watch guy?

• 20:43Speaker 00

  Not a watch guy.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  You're a watch guy.

• 20:45H. Foley?

  I'm a big watch guy.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  This is crazy. I've never had a watch.

• 20:49H. Foley?

  Keep it on New York time, so you know where your friends are.

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Some of them.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Is that why you do it?

• 20:53H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 20:53Speaker 00

  That's why you do it?

• 20:55H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 20:55Speaker 00

  You've also been out, you've, first of all, you've been out of the time zone, you've been out of like three different time zones.

• 20:59H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  Stop acting like you're fucking James Bond and, you know, trying to remember all your dead soldier friends. Shut up. You've been to like Minneapolis and Hawaii.

• 21:08H. Foley?

  Emilio Earhart.

• 21:11Speaker 03

  Emilio Earhart.

• 21:12H. Foley?

  Yeah, I think they found her, by the way.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  What do you mean they found her? How's she doing?

• 21:16H. Foley?

  Not bad.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 21:17H. Foley?

  She got 20 minutes together, she's doing pretty well.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  I got bad news.

• 21:22H. Foley?

  All right, sit down.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  News is they found her. It's worse from there.

• 21:25H. Foley?

  They found her plane.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  Really?

• 21:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  And remains have not been found. Man, AI just called you a straight liar right away.

• 21:32H. Foley?

  They did the fu- he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  First sentence is, no.

• 21:35H. Foley?

  He's on fucking Yahoo, he doesn't know. Some guy, some guy says he thinks he found the plane, they're pretty sure it's the plane.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  Where, where was it? The ocean?

• 21:44H. Foley?

  No, he was at the mall. Yeah, it was in the ocean.

• 21:46Speaker 03

  It could've been over a forest, I don't know, I didn't follow the fucking place.

• 21:49H. Foley?

  Nah, she went down somewhere in the Pacific.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  And they found it just below, diving.

• 21:54H. Foley?

  They washed it away, the, the, the sand.

• 21:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:57H. Foley?

  And you could see it, and then it all came back. They haven't gone over there, but they think that's where they found it.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  You could take the orca out and find it if you want. Who's the orca? It's Quint from fucking Jaws. Isn't it called the orca?

• 22:09Speaker 03

  I was lost also.

• 22:11Speaker 00

  That is deep cuts corner by Kevin Ryan. Man. That is a deep cuts corner.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  I love when you use a reference of a movie just because you saw it last week.

• 22:19Speaker 00

  I didn't.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Everyone knows that.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Hey, you're clearly look like the guy from fucking Jaws.

• 22:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, you think you got the shark? That's not the one.

• 22:27H. Foley?

  You look like you invented Werther's Originals.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  I wish you invented a better joke.

• 22:31H. Foley?

  Come on! What? Really? Hey, why does he got a balloon? What the fuck? You ain't going nowhere.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  Should put a couple barrels on you.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  I can't believe you got a farewell balloons for me.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was a lot of fun. That was like $20 a balloon.

• 22:44H. Foley?

  He stopped throwing that in his face!

• 22:45Speaker 00

  Why? He's Jewish. He deserves it.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  I only appreciate it if not.

• 22:48Speaker 00

  He likes it. He's slipping out of his chair over there.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  If you're really want to present, you goes, it's $20. It should have been 22.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  Sure, yeah. We talked to... Oh, you like to, you like to talk in them down.

• 22:55H. Foley?

  In total, including beers.

• 22:57Speaker 00

  We went to the balloon saloon.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  You're on for the beer also.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  He left the price tag on it.

• 23:02H. Foley?

  Including beers, probably by, probably by the jihad on you.

• 23:05Speaker 00

  It's more than that.

• 23:06H. Foley?

  Think so? Oh, yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  The, the big one we're waiting for was 900.

• 23:10H. Foley?

  That's paid for?

• 23:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:11H. Foley?

  Well, if he misses his deadline.

• 23:13Speaker 00

  Here it is.

• 23:14H. Foley?

  Is it?

• 23:14Speaker 00

  No, I'm just saying, here it is. Listen, well, I'll have it within 24 hours, so hit it.

• 23:22Speaker 05

  Hey, Ari, surprise. This is where you're... I want you to know that Kevin let me know that you're retiring from a job that you've been in many, many years, and they're all gonna miss you. So, I promised I would sing a part of this, so... Don't you shame, I read don't you shame. Thank you for all the joy and all that you're about to do in the future. So, many years of service, thank you. And we wish you nothing but well in your new life. And thank you. Come out and see us in Las Vegas, and we can finish that song.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  And that was your great friend.

• 24:05H. Foley?

  A little racist if you ask me.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  He's lost his step.

• 24:10H. Foley?

  That had to be a pretty penny.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  What was that one?

• 24:13Speaker 00

  Um, yeah, I'll tell ya.

• 24:15H. Foley?

  You gonna tell him? Don't ruin the surprise.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  Well, when's the surprise gonna be?

• 24:18H. Foley?

  He's going, he's never gonna fucking see it.

• 24:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's not gonna have the internet.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  I'll see it in a year. That'll be fun.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  Wait a year?

• 24:23H. Foley?

  He'll have malaria by this time next week.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  Can't spell malaria without R.

• 24:26H. Foley?

  Did you get all your shots?

• 24:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's so funny.

• 24:28H. Foley?

  Fireball and all that?

• 24:29Speaker 03

  All of it. I was complaining about it to the cell. I was like, fuck, sorry, I got vaccinated today. People started booing, and I was like, what? Oh, idiots. Yellow fever.

• 24:38H. Foley?

  Thought this guy looked a lot.

• 24:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, you idiots, I got fucking, I got shots for yellow fever.

• 24:43H. Foley?

  Yellow fever, that's a thing?

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I've had it for many years, but apparently.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  Shout out to Woah.

• 24:53H. Foley?

  Woo, she's a good girl.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Now.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  Now, are you worried you're gonna lose your, I mean, you're retiring, it doesn't really matter.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  I'm retiring, so I'll never be able to say this. Am I worried about my edge? Yeah, the edge is gone.

• 25:05Speaker 00

  You got the watch, you can't come back.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  I can't, I literally, I can't now.

• 25:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, give me the watch back.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  Oh, no, I'll never.

• 25:10Speaker 00

  You can't come back on stage.

• 25:11H. Foley?

  They better be done this bullshit, you showing up in Austin in a couple of weeks.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  I'm sending you a bill.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll take that watch, I say you're on stage.

• 25:18Speaker 00

  Um, Mario Cantone's gonna have a few more words to say, I guarantee it.

• 25:22H. Foley?

  Ari!

• 25:24H. Foley?

  Sorry, you got fired.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  Um, are you, is that something you're, you know, cause I, I did a couple of weeks, oh, you get rusty.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  You get rusty, remember after Covid, after.

• 25:32Speaker 00

  No, he's not gonna stop like that. He's not that good to begin with.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  I'm not, I'm guessing.

• 25:37H. Foley?

  Listen, like you said.

• 25:39Speaker 00

  Hey, relax, have fun with it.

• 25:41H. Foley?

  I'm having fun with it.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  You just said he's the best, he's not.

• 25:45Speaker 00

  You could say good.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  I'm no Cantone.

• 25:46H. Foley?

  The guy's dying, shut up.

• 25:49Speaker 03

  Let me have my final wish. My final wish is for Kevin to finally say I'm decent at comedy.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  His hair's falling out.

• 25:55H. Foley?

  All right, let's get to the big surprise. Air and judge, everybody. Just Ryan dressed up.

• 26:01Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck, we should've done that.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  Oh, my god. Dude, did I tell you what was gonna happen?

• 26:05H. Foley?

  What?

• 26:05Speaker 03

  Cause you know, when we all met and we thought we had a little bit of the touch of D.

• 26:08Speaker 00

  He, yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, but they, they was, I was going to a game, I got batting practice privileges through my buddy. And I was like, okay, the night before, rumors were that him and Freed were coming to the cellar.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  On a show I was on, and I already had it all planned. He's gonna see me in a show, I'm gonna ask for a homerun. I'm gonna say, "I am a sick kid, I have HIV, and I would like you to hit me a homerun tomorrow."

• 26:30Speaker 00

  You're a sick kid.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  Make a big joke about it, and then the next day see him in batting practice, "Oh, you're that guy from last night, best friends, done." Fucking Freed didn't come in because of Palestine or some shit. And then it just all went away. Never happened.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  Jared Freed?

• 26:45Speaker 03

  Jared Freed? No, Max. The baseball player? Yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  Oh, you mentioned Freed. No, you mentioned Freed, I thought you were like, "Boys, like, you were like, he didn't come in, I gotcha." I'm on, I'm on-

• 26:58Speaker 03

  It's High Life Taste Funny, by the way. Yeah, it's skunked for sure. Doesn't it? It is, right? I like the skunk taste. Something. How are your cores lights?

• 27:06Speaker 00

  Good. Fucking eyeing me up.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  He's like, they're spoken for.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Go do your whippets or whatever you got out there.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Oh, let's do whippets. Who's got the nitrous? I don't know, you didn't fucking bring any whippets. I left the tank outside. Did you have any whippets at the house? No, I don't have, I didn't, I didn't, I don't carry those canisters. I will do them, so, me and DeRosa were doing one on the fucking stoop one time, and Rowland showed up, he just walked past us, we were doing those fucking-

• 27:28Speaker 00

  And who showed up? Who?

• 27:29Speaker 03

  Mike Rowland, Mike Rowland.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  And he goes, "Are you, are you guys doing whippets on a stoop?" And we're like, "Yeah," and he was like, because we're like older statesmen, and he was like, and we're like, "Do I want one?"

• 27:40Speaker 00

  On the stoop at the cellar?

• 27:41Speaker 03

  A block down, like the next block towards the park. And he was like, "You want one?" He's like, "All right," and he did one and walked on.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  It was great. DeRosa's just like- Should we get a balloon and some whippets?

• 27:52Speaker 00

  Your life is like a Grateful Dead parking lot.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Where did you get the, where'd you get the whippets from? Same guy. The guy who loved the half and half gun.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, they, they sell them.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  They sell them. Oh, really?

• 28:01Speaker 00

  And the balloons. Most bodegas you can get fucking, you can get whippets at?

• 28:05Speaker 03

  Like Ready Whip or Galaxy Gas? The one with the little, the little tube, the one that goes in the seltzer things. Oh, yeah?

• 28:13H. Foley?

  No shit. They got the whole gear there.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  You think they're making their money off fucking lighters and shit?

• 28:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:18Speaker 00

  What do you think their rent on McDougal Street is?

• 28:20Speaker 03

  Lighters is $2.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  You fucking idiot.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  That's a front, bro.

• 28:24Speaker 00

  That guy's moving fucking...

• 28:26Speaker 03

  He's either trafficking humans, or he's selling whippets.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  Call him the orthodontist. He's putting people out.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  I thought it was my pack of juicy fruit I bought every three weeks. When I got a spot at the cellar. No thank you card necessary this year, Paco.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, they sell poppers. Jesus Christ.

• 28:42H. Foley?

  They sell poppers.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  You think they're only selling poppers? Anything.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Let's do poppers. Let's get the owner of the cellar to do poppers with us.

• 28:50H. Foley?

  What? Why?

• 28:50Speaker 03

  I don't know. It'll be fun.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  Weird.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 00

  His doosie's kicking in.

• 28:57Speaker 03

  I'm gonna miss you guys, for sure.

• 28:59H. Foley?

  We're gonna miss you too, pal.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:00H. Foley?

  But we're excited for you.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 29:02Speaker 00

  New journey.

• 29:04H. Foley?

  I don't think you're gonna make London.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 29:06H. Foley?

  I think you're gonna be there for a year and be like, "Let's get the hell out of here."

• 29:09Speaker 03

  I thought you meant I'm gonna die before I get there.

• 29:10H. Foley?

  No, I would never.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  I...

• 29:11H. Foley?

  I might, but...

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, yeah, who knows?

• 29:16H. Foley?

  Especially if shit starts popping off in the world. You're gonna fucking run right back to the wing of the dragon.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  I wanna be in the heart of the dragon.

• 29:21H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  I wanna be the... London, the British Empire. They'll take over everything.

• 29:25H. Foley?

  What?

• 29:25Speaker 03

  Proven, bro.

• 29:26H. Foley?

  They'll get rolled. What are you talking about?

• 29:27Speaker 03

  They've been proven.

• 29:28H. Foley?

  Here, out there in the fucking front porch.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  I'm gonna go to Iceland and escape it all.

• 29:32H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  No one's bothering Iceland.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  That's not a bad point.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  I got on a plane from southern Iceland to northern Iceland, and I was like, "Where do I get my ticket?" Like, "What's your name?" Like, "Ari Shaffir." They go, "Here you go." And I'm like, "You didn't even ask for my ID. What if I'm somebody else?" And then they didn't check your bag to get on? And I was like, "You guys don't check..." And they're like, "For what? Who's gonna bug us?"

• 29:52H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  It's great. Anyway.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  It's like flying Scranton to Reading.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Your punishment's already here on here.

• 30:00Speaker 00

  Buddy, do us the favor.

• 30:01H. Foley?

  I don't even know what Iceland is. Is that near Greenland?

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's right there. Got it.

• 30:05H. Foley?

  But Greenland's icy, and Iceland's green. Isn't that right?

• 30:09Speaker 03

  That's what they say, but it's both pretty icy.

• 30:11H. Foley?

  Luke's nodding his head.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  Thanks for that minimal effort. Appreciate it. What are you guys gonna do without me? What are you guys gonna do in my absence here?

• 30:18Speaker 00

  I don't know. I gotta be honest with you. When I had the baby, we were texting back and forth. You gave me a very nice call, which not a lot of comics do.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  Do the call to check in.

• 30:27Speaker 00

  I think you were the only call.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  Wow. Big moment in your life. What do they do? Occasional, a few people?

• 30:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot of texts, a lot of DMs and stuff like that.

• 30:36H. Foley?

  I called. Straight to voicemail.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  You were looking for money.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  That was a one ring.

• 30:42H. Foley?

  Hey, congratulations, listen.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  Congratulations.

• 30:44H. Foley?

  I'm a little jammed, though.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, do the call. You got a big moment like that. You wanna talk it out. It's not a text. How you doing? Good, thanks. It's not that.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  Well, that's a lot of, "Hey, congrats, hey, congrats, hey, congrats," you know.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  It's almost rude to say, "Hey, congrats." You're forcing someone to write back, "Thanks so much."

• 30:59H. Foley?

  Ari was calling because he wanted to buy him.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:01H. Foley?

  Sell me the boy.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  I just wanna know how much you could get on the open market and then decide later.

• 31:06Speaker 00

  Just check that, yeah.

• 31:07H. Foley?

  What could you get for a little Irish kid?

• 31:09Speaker 03

  A little Irish-American kid?

• 31:10H. Foley?

  Huh? Well-fed, little chopstick, cute kid?

• 31:12Speaker 00

  Half-German.

• 31:14H. Foley?

  Half-German.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  Ooh, price just went up. Organs alone is worth a lot. Organs alone, even if you wanna strip it for parts.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  I'm sure my wife's gonna love this conversation.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  Don't do that. But if you would want to.

• 31:30Speaker 00

  Don't Google on my fucking computers how much a baby goes for. Ari comes and he starts doing, "Give everybody drugs." You're Googling human trafficking? I got a goddamn show to upkeep.

• 31:41H. Foley?

  What'd you take? A little weed, a little dope? Get a lot for your kidney, but...

• 31:45Speaker 03

  Ooh, can't spell kidney without kidney.

• 31:46H. Foley?

  Can I sell my kidney?

• 31:48Speaker 03

  Your kidney is worth negative.

• 31:50H. Foley?

  You think so?

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 31:51H. Foley?

  It's a big one, though.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a good point.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  Cut it up.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh, yeah, just...

• 31:55H. Foley?

  If you cut a kidney in that, doesn't another one grow or something like that? Is that a chameleon?

• 31:59Speaker 03

  It's a salamander.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, who are you asking?

• 32:03Speaker 00

  He just asked me like I'm fucking, you know, something.

• 32:06H. Foley?

  Dee's, can I grab a beer? Thanks, pal.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  Go Bud Light, go Yingling for the boys.

• 32:14H. Foley?

  I don't know what's, I don't know what's good back there to be honest with you.

• 32:17Speaker 00

  They're all good.

• 32:18H. Foley?

  I don't know, that's, that high life tastes weird.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  We had, we had refrigerator problems for a long time where the, we had to get a new one because it was getting very hot and the beers were like, they were like 95 degrees.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  And Tootie Springs for one?

• 32:28H. Foley?

  They're all fresh.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  We got a new one, Diesel, our-

• 32:31H. Foley?

  I know, I was gonna ask you, can I have one of those Modellos, is that alright? I don't wanna climb back there and fuck up the balloons.

• 32:40H. Foley?

  What do you think you're giving me?

• 32:44H. Foley?

  Thanks pal, appreciate you buddy.

• 32:46Speaker 00

  Are you out there drinking too? This whole fucking operation.

• 32:50H. Foley?

  He just got a fucking sack of drugs too.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Deez was in, Deez was in.

• 32:55H. Foley?

  Cheers boys.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  Cheers.

• 32:56Speaker 00

  Cheers gang.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  Love you guys.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  Love you pal.

• 32:58Speaker 00

  Wait, hold on, before you sip, I have a toast.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:01H. Foley?

  Oh yeah?

• 33:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:02H. Foley?

  Go ahead.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  I wrote it myself.

• 33:03H. Foley?

  Fair enough, be my best man speech.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  Figure a way to shoot Warren that in. This guy dude, this is the same with material, he wrote one good speech 15 years ago. And you just keep fucking shoving it down people's throats.

• 33:16H. Foley?

  Now that's alright.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  There are good ships.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Let me test, let me take this from the top. There are good ships. There are wood ships, there's ships that sail at sea, but the best ships are friendships and may they always be. To Ari.

• 33:42H. Foley?

  Did you really write that? That's great. That's great.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  I'm gonna miss you bud.

• 33:51H. Foley?

  Yeah, where'd you download that from?

• 33:53Speaker 00

  That download, who you, what do you, pop up, where'd you download that?

• 33:56H. Foley?

  Is that MapQuest?

• 33:57Speaker 00

  You download that on my phone?

• 34:01Speaker 00

  Hey, you've never heard that? That's like a classic. Were you crying?

• 34:06Speaker 03

  I thought it started with like meaningful. I'm like, I was reading it off a fucking thing.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  I'm like, what shit was that? Oh, the friendship thing.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  My buddy delivered, my two friends were going to study abroad. We were in college.

• 34:23H. Foley?

  He tried to deliver it since he was.

• 34:25Speaker 00

  Hotel. And he stood up, he's the guy of his speech. It was like the first time we ever went out to dinner. You know what I mean? Like, because they were going away. And he's like, um, there are woodships. And I heard it. I was like, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever. I walked, he had it written down on a piece of paper. And my buddy took it, who was traveling, and put it in his wallet and has kept it for like 15 years.

• 34:49H. Foley?

  That's so funny.

• 34:51Speaker 00

  Ah, I mean, to be a dirtbag who's never really heard a poet, like, you know, a toast like that. To have your buddy, your 21-year-old buddy hit you with that, I was crying in my chicken.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  You're like, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life.

• 35:04Speaker 00

  You rhyme, it's meaningful.

• 35:06H. Foley?

  Could get more sauce than calamari.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  Guys also, live, laugh. Love.

• 35:15H. Foley?

  Love.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  Think we gotta bring toasts back.

• 35:21H. Foley?

  Toast would be nice.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  Almost every first drink, you gotta be like, hold on, hold on, hold on, let me say something. And then just think of something to toast.

• 35:27Speaker 00

  That's all.

• 35:27Speaker 03

  The bartender, the fucking something in life.

• 35:29H. Foley?

  Toast and grace, a good grace is alright. And I'm not talking about the blessed father or the uh.

• 35:35Speaker 00

  Thrive sin, that's not it, you fucking twisted freak.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  What's grace?

• 35:39Speaker 00

  If I die before I wake.

• 35:43H. Foley?

  That's James Hetfield right there.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  What's grace? Just a toast for food?

• 35:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, a toast for food is great. Yeah, you thank, you thank Jesus.

• 35:52H. Foley?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 35:53Speaker 00

  Bless us the Lord.

• 35:54H. Foley?

  For these gifts we must receive from thy body and the cross of our day.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  I don't want to. Fucking already go off in smoke.

• 36:03H. Foley?

  Start throwing garlic and holy water at him?

• 36:08H. Foley?

  No, but not, listen, not that it gets that, obviously, of course, that's a beautiful one. But.

• 36:14H. Foley?

  Does the bad man?

• 36:15Speaker 00

  Can't see me?

• 36:18H. Foley?

  A nice, a nice, a nice sharp, a nice sharp grace, a nice sharp toast.

• 36:21Speaker 03

  An original grace.

• 36:23H. Foley?

  An original, of course, you gotta go original.

• 36:24Speaker 03

  Before we eat this, I just wanna say to the mom, to the tutty, for making us a great meal.

• 36:28H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  Always there with the great meals.

• 36:31Speaker 00

  That's pretty good. The one time, the one time I really did toast was like very, it was like kind of a drinking game a little bit.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:37Speaker 00

  But every round, you had.

• 36:40H. Foley?

  You did a toast?

• 36:40Speaker 00

  You did a toast, but you had to toast it like, so I would go, alright, here's the fucking titties, or whatever, it would be something a little more, then you go, here, here's the titties and, you know, whatever. You had to keep adding.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  That's fun.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  But it would be like, you know, whatever.

• 36:53H. Foley?

  Something not titty, something meaningful.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  Not titty, something a little, I mean, you're telling me titties aren't meaningful? A guy with tits, I don't think you said that.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Tony Hinchcliffe, underrated toast guy.

• 37:03Speaker 00

  He does a good toast?

• 37:04H. Foley?

  Hit you with a good one?

• 37:05Speaker 03

  He'll stop a bar.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  Really?

• 37:06Speaker 03

  What? Hold on, hold on, everybody, wanna say something?

• 37:08Speaker 00

  Cause he does have the wrestler.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly how he does his intros. This man is leaving today.

• 37:14Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 37:14Speaker 03

  Or we had a new special, one of my special came out, he was in Austin, he toasted every single place. He was on Netflix, one of the premier places to put a special for comedians, and this man has done it. Not only, he just goes in.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  He can give, he can, he has that rhythm.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  Roast master, toast master.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, damn, that's pretty good.

• 37:33H. Foley?

  Bring toast back.

• 37:35Speaker 03

  Bring toast back. Yeah.

• 37:36H. Foley?

  Toast show, let's do a toast show.

• 37:39H. Foley?

  Yeah? Too bad you're out.

• 37:42H. Foley?

  You just missed out on a windfall.

• 37:43Speaker 00

  Get your greedy hands out of that.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Give me my points.

• 37:47Speaker 00

  Now what do your managers and agents say? They can't be thrilled with you?

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Uh, because I fired them both.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  You did?

• 37:54Speaker 03

  Not necessary. And they go, but we're not even making commission while you're gone, cause you're not working. And I was like, rehired.

• 38:00Speaker 00

  Welcome back.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  Did not do the math on that.

• 38:02Speaker 00

  I didn't really think that went out.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  They're not stoked. In the Jew industries, lack of money is not heralded.

• 38:09Speaker 00

  Show them to watch them.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, yeah. I got forty-two bucks on that.

• 38:14Speaker 00

  Sink that in. This is the opposite of what they want you to do.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  Oh, so much. You're like, really? Things are going well? This now's when you're just gonna quit?

• 38:20Speaker 00

  Does your manager even say like, could you tweet every three days or something like?

• 38:24H. Foley?

  Are you gonna, could you maybe do a couple of shows in Bangkok or something?

• 38:28Speaker 03

  I'm sure they'll, they'll hit me with that. Hey, we got a Cambodia gig.

• 38:31H. Foley?

  Would you do that?

• 38:32Speaker 00

  Even after like three months, is that something you'd be like, you know what, I mean, just go dick around for a half hour? Or like jump on like a local, if they have like a local showcase?

• 38:39Speaker 03

  I'm gonna read for sure. No, here's the problem. When you're gone for that long, if you bomb, and you gotta sit on a bomb.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  For like six months?

• 38:46H. Foley?

  What are you talking about? You, you know that it's, it's not like that.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  I saw Ari Matty perform at a place in Cambodia. I met him before anybody.

• 38:54Speaker 00

  Really?

• 38:54Speaker 03

  It was in Cambodia. It was an indoor-outdoor place.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  Man, that kid gets around.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. And, uh, and, yeah. And, uh, it was so bad. And they're like, do you wanna go up? I'm like, no. This won't work.

• 39:03Speaker 00

  I'll do that in New York sometimes. They'll be like, you're next. I'm like, I'm going home. Fuck this.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, bring me up.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  I got COVID, dude. My mental state ain't great. I can't have this linger until the weekend.

• 39:14H. Foley?

  My wife just left me. I gotta go.

• 39:17H. Foley?

  Gang, let's talk about Square. As you know, we are a Square family. Here at Are You Garbage, and I'm talking about being lame, talking about using the best platform to, to, to move some merch. All right? You see me and Kippy are out at the, out at the shows. We're doing the meet and greet. We got Ryan Diesel there with the, uh, with the, with the merch, moving some merch. That's what we're using. We're using Square. Gang, do yourself a favor. We know a lot of you out there got side hustles. Make that side hustle your main thing, and you can do that with Square. Square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. Doesn't matter whether you're selling smoothies, whether you're cutting hair, fixing bikes, or running a boutique. Square gives them all one connected system. Take payments, manage inventory, run payroll, send invoices,

• 40:01H. Foley?

  and track everything all in one place. This isn't just a point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go. Software for managing staff, marketing, and customer insights, banking tools, like Square Checking, to get paid instantly. So do yourself a favor and get. Get over to Square if you're interested and you want to start and you want to start making some cash. If you're starting a business, or running one that deserves a better, better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square Hardware at square.com/go/garbage. That's square, S-Q-A-R-E dot com slash G-O slash garbage.

• 40:44H. Foley?

  Run your business smarter with Square and get started today. Now, back to the show.

• 40:49Speaker 06

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• 41:19H. Foley?

  Wait a minute.

• 41:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:21H. Foley?

  Were they all Cambodian people that didn't speak English?

• 41:23Speaker 03

  No, expats.

• 41:24H. Foley?

  Ari Matti's Cambodian?

• 41:25Speaker 03

  No, he was there. He was there, he got a gig. This is like, you know, 10, 2017, I guess?

• 41:30H. Foley?

  It was, yeah, I remember him telling us when he did the show that he did move, he did travel around and do, he was in Australia, too.

• 41:37Speaker 03

  He was in Australia for a while.

• 41:38H. Foley?

  I want you in Australia, that's pretty much.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  You're right there. You're right there.

• 41:42H. Foley?

  That's Asia. That's where they all go, all the Australians, they go over to Asia.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  I did do a, one time when I was in Guatemala, they had an open mic for any talent.

• 41:48H. Foley?

  Where?

• 41:49Speaker 03

  Guatemala, on Lake Atitlán. And they have, like, Atitlán, whatever.

• 41:53H. Foley?

  I've had that.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  But they go, do any talent, juggle, do whatever, you get a shot of vodka. And so I watched some people play guitar, something, but everything, and I was just, I was a nobody there. I mean, this was like, a year ago.

• 42:02H. Foley?

  I was a nobody there.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Nobody knew me, and I was like, I'll go up. And then like, okay, what's your talent? I'm like, I'm just gonna tell a story.

• 42:08H. Foley?

  Women be shopping. You haven't taken a shit. The dude next to you is taking a shit, and then he's looking at the peek hole at you. Good lord, women be shopping. Should I do it to them?

• 42:21Speaker 03

  Give it up for the ladies, though, some fat bitches in here.

• 42:23H. Foley?

  You're doing Reggie from The Nutty Professor. Should I do it to them?

• 42:31H. Foley?

  Yeah, why is that so funny?

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Out of place, like, that level of...

• 42:36H. Foley?

  You really own it, you're pacing back? What's the deal with girls today, anyway? Alright, so you go up... Pull your pants up!

• 42:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, it did a fourteen-minute-long, worked-out stage story. It took like, three minutes where they realized that I was joking... You're good at it? Cause they're like, "Okay, okay", and then like, chafing and like, stopping, they're chuckling, they're trying to stop themselves. They don't even know it's comedy, it's not supposed to be. And it was like, and then just crushing by the end. And then like, ten people later, they're like, "Hey, hey, what's your name again?" I'm like, "Ari", like, "Do you have any more stories?" I was like, "Yeah, I do."

• 43:03H. Foley?

  Nah, that's it!

• 43:06Speaker 03

  I got the, I got two free shots.

• 43:08H. Foley?

  They told, they probably told toast about that.

• 43:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, remember that guy who told the story, fourteen minutes for one? He could've stopped, got two shots in the middle.

• 43:14H. Foley?

  Then he farted and walked out of town.

• 43:18H. Foley?

  Good drugs on him.

• 43:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, no stand-up at all. Just taking a sabbatical.

• 43:21H. Foley?

  What are you gonna read?

• 43:23Speaker 03

  I'm gonna trade. I should have already answered for this. Yeah, I'm gonna trade at different hostels, you finish a book.

• 43:28H. Foley?

  You're gonna stay at hostels? You have money!

• 43:32Speaker 03

  What the fuck is wrong with you, man? It's so funny when something comes out of your mouth, and as it's out of your mouth, and you see the reaction...

• 43:37H. Foley?

  You got a $450 watch on!

• 43:40H. Foley?

  Fucking staying at a hostel! But you're sixty, you can't do that! You're a creep!

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Uh, you meet people at hostels, they're fun, they're more fun.

• 43:49H. Foley?

  And that, that's where people hook up, right next to each other, right?

• 43:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, Germans love fucking on the bunk bed ahead of ya, right on top of ya, it's rocking, like, "Come on, Germans, go to the shower!"

• 43:57H. Foley?

  You can't peek up there and see what's going on?

• 43:59Speaker 03

  "Oh, hello."

• 44:01H. Foley?

  "Vicits."

• 44:03H. Foley?

  "Hello."

• 44:03Speaker 03

  A two-in-a-one bed, that's not, that's abnormal. God, yeah, no, hostels are not great, but also are great.

• 44:10H. Foley?

  You're gonna stay in hostels?

• 44:11Speaker 03

  I'm getting excited now, I'm getting excited now, seeing your dis- discontent.

• 44:15H. Foley?

  What's the budget for the trip? For the trip before you go, before you move?

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Before I move? Uh, like, fifteen hundred a month?

• 44:22H. Foley?

  Fifteen hundred dollars a month?

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe, maybe I'll go two grand if I have a fucking scuba diving trip or something.

• 44:29Speaker 00

  What the hell is even that?

• 44:31Speaker 03

  You're cha- how much is Loklok? How much does a plate of Loklok where you're from?

• 44:34H. Foley?

  The fuck is Loklok?

• 44:36Speaker 00

  Buddy, I don't touch this stuff.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  Bring it up.

• 44:39H. Foley?

  I use the club.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  You would love Loklok. It's a bed of fucking fries or rice with cubed beef.

• 44:44H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:45Speaker 00

  No, I don't need my-

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Hey, why do you say that?

• 44:46Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't wanna know the shape of my beef.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  Why did you say that?

• 44:50H. Foley?

  I do, I like square beef.

• 44:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's fine. Don't call it cubed beef, just call it beef.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 44:57Speaker 03

  How do you spell it? L-O-K-E. New word, L-A-K. Yeah. How do you spell that? That's a fair question.

• 45:05H. Foley?

  Are you gonna put it up there? Will you see it? Take a look at this.

• 45:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, make the picture extra small. That's the best.

• 45:11H. Foley?

  Cambodian? Loklok. Everybody throws an egg on it.

• 45:16Speaker 00

  That's not bad.

• 45:16H. Foley?

  Looks great.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's really good.

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Lose those tomatoes and that lettuce, you got yourself a meal.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Can't eat the lettuce. Don't be a fool. You'll get food poisoning.

• 45:23H. Foley?

  Is that true?

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. Don't touch that lettuce. Don't touch that lettuce.

• 45:26H. Foley?

  Well, it's on top of the meat.

• 45:28Speaker 00

  Now, how much, I got a question. You might not wanna do this publicly. You're somewhere in the world. How much cash do you take?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  This is great.

• 45:35H. Foley?

  Can you go to an ATM?

• 45:37Speaker 03

  Some places.

• 45:38Speaker 00

  Well, like, you gotta have a, I mean, you know, you gotta have a couple grand on you to move around.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  No, I'll have like 500 in cash.

• 45:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, you got credit cards.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  Just in case.

• 45:47H. Foley?

  I'm rare.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  I can't get to an ATM. But yeah, you get, you know, any major city, even minor cities. Sometimes they're out of money in the ATMs and you're gonna like, fuck, but.

• 45:53Speaker 00

  Not me, I'd have cash. Five grand. Jesus.

• 45:56Speaker 03

  I almost barfed on that. Did barf a touch, but it was mostly water. I'll be honest with you, did barf a touch. It was mostly, uh, just beer.

• 46:02H. Foley?

  Disgusting.

• 46:03Speaker 03

  And it wasn't actual vomit in there.

• 46:05Speaker 00

  You're gonna be a hit at the hospitals.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  Go fucking puking up Loklok and shit.

• 46:13H. Foley?

  What's your talent? I throw up in my mouth.

• 46:16Speaker 03

  Guess the food I had.

• 46:18Speaker 00

  He's up there. There's wood chip, Loklok.

• 46:23H. Foley?

  Hey, buddy.

• 46:27Speaker 00

  I would love.

• 46:28H. Foley?

  Nah, they got ATM. They got, they got-

• 46:30Speaker 00

  I'm not saying they don't, but I'm just saying, if I get jammed up, a fucking couple of C-notes will get you out of a pinch in fucking Nam.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  You got 100 or 200 bucks on you just to be like, this will do. Fresh bills, they won't say crumbled, so fresh bills at all times, inside a book or something, to like, just in case money.

• 46:46H. Foley?

  Kidnap money.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure.

• 46:47Speaker 00

  I mean, I don't leave fucking-

• 46:51Speaker 03

  That was your gift, straight cash?

• 46:54Speaker 00

  I'll let you get jammed up.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  Tell you what, I'll do something crazy with this and I'll let you know about it.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, do it. Steal it.

• 47:04H. Foley?

  Tension of $4,000 real quick.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  Go fund a turf war or something like that.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  I overthrew a government.

• 47:10Speaker 00

  Become a fucking arms dealer.

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Could have funded a young school, but I decided instead.

• 47:14Speaker 00

  Odd Jewish warlord with a funky beard.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  How much bills you calculate this all the time on you? That's so much money.

• 47:20H. Foley?

  You shouldn't be flashing that. Half of that's mine.

• 47:22Speaker 03

  Wow, one, two, three, four.

• 47:25Speaker 00

  420. That's a sign.

• 47:27H. Foley?

  Smoke that shit. You gonna give it to him?

• 47:30Speaker 00

  No, we were shooting something yesterday. I needed cash.

• 47:32H. Foley?

  That's right. It's funny, I didn't see you reaching in your pocket once. I paid for all those goddamn margaritas.

• 47:38Speaker 00

  On the company credit card, you fuck. This fat sack of shit really likes throwing the company credit card around and claiming it's his money.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  Hey, who are you talking about?

• 47:48Speaker 00

  That's fucking wood chip over here.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  That's shit. Fat sack, alright, but shit.

• 47:54H. Foley?

  Mystery might never be solved.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  He sounds like a cool dude, whoever he is. Hey, you got this guy's number? Split some low clock.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  What should I do here? I'm gonna have something on you.

• 48:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's $300.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  I'll do some adventure with this. I'll let you know what it is.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Don't like, do something dangerous.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  You want me to do something dangerous? Do something dangerous?

• 48:13H. Foley?

  No, don't do something.

• 48:14Speaker 00

  No, I do, but the way you said that, you like lit up and it made me scared.

• 48:17H. Foley?

  You mean something dangerous, like a high-yield savings account?

• 48:22H. Foley?

  In this market? What are you, crazy?

• 48:24Speaker 03

  IRA is just already spelled backwards.

• 48:26H. Foley?

  That's going right into the S and P, dog, you kidding me? Don't worry, I'll play it safe.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  I will. I'll do something with this. I'll let you know what it is.

• 48:34Speaker 00

  What do you have in mind?

• 48:35Speaker 03

  I don't know, maybe some trek that you gotta like get a guide for, or maybe like scuba somewhere.

• 48:40Speaker 00

  Give it to, I want it as like a tip, not a tip, but like, spread that. Not, I know you'll ruin the local economy somewhere with dropping.

• 48:47Speaker 03

  You mean like get a nice meal? Or are you saying, I mean that's a fucking month of meals.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  What about like a scuba diving trip or something?

• 48:53Speaker 03

  You're saying spread it around, use this as tip money? That's gonna make me a target for cannibals.

• 49:00H. Foley?

  Yes, it will.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  He's the one with the hundred.

• 49:02H. Foley?

  Now that's a target for cannibals. You, there's nothing on the bone.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Hank is looking at me like that. He just turns into a chicken leg.

• 49:10Speaker 00

  No, but like, uh...

• 49:12Speaker 03

  What are you thinking?

• 49:13Speaker 00

  I'm thinking like, yeah, spread that...

• 49:14H. Foley?

  Go to a strip club, stop! Go to a strip club! Get yourself laid, do something like that!

• 49:20Speaker 03

  That I could do that with.

• 49:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, 300 bucks, I could do that down there, I could do that in fucking Hell's Kitchen.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  I got three, I got three or four chicks at once with that.

• 49:27H. Foley?

  Do that! There you go.

• 49:29Speaker 00

  Send me a picture.

• 49:31Speaker 03

  Just your hog.

• 49:33H. Foley?

  Without them, ew, gross.

• 49:37Speaker 00

  No, but like, uh, you know, don't give it to like a business.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  Give it to like individuals doing something.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Doing something.

• 49:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:44H. Foley?

  How about this?

• 49:45Speaker 00

  That are providing service, not all like one, but like...

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Rickshaw driver.

• 49:48Speaker 00

  There you go, guys like that.

• 49:49H. Foley?

  I was gonna say this.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  Or like, or like a street guy who's got whatever, like, just say it's like five bucks.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Go like...

• 49:54Speaker 03

  Here's a hundred.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  Just go crazy.

• 49:57Speaker 00

  I was gonna go, here's 20, but yeah.

• 49:58H. Foley?

  Go into a town, okay, where there's a mom... Find the biggest guy, hit him.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  I know that town, where there's a mom.

• 50:04H. Foley?

  Or go to a town where there's a mom selling peddling wares, and she has a little kid with her. Be like, "How much for all this?"

• 50:10Speaker 00

  And the kid.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  Give her the whole 300 and walk away. Changes their lives.

• 50:13Speaker 00

  She's not gonna say 300.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Some of the wares are crazy. So you want me to do that, go crazy on somebody who does good service?

• 50:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:22H. Foley?

  Then you nail her, start dating her.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  Get a new life.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  Sell off the kid.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Send 500 bucks, a year back. Yeah, yeah, he put him to work, now their money's working for you.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Kevin, I got your 300 back and then some.

• 50:37H. Foley?

  I'm sending him over this month.

• 50:40Speaker 03

  Send him to work for ya.

• 50:41H. Foley?

  Pick him up at Port Newark.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  Gets to come on the subway for ya.

• 50:47H. Foley?

  Slice pineapple at the traffic.

• 50:49Speaker 00

  I gotta be honest with you.

• 50:50H. Foley?

  They move merch.

• 50:52Speaker 00

  They do, and they're getting crazy. Like, they're moving further and further. I was in traffic at the G W B, like.

• 50:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, they're out there on the fucking turnpike.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  But like, deep down the turnpike.

• 51:01H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 51:02Speaker 00

  Like, not an exit in sight. And they, they're... I'm like, where the hell are you even keeping this shit?

• 51:06H. Foley?

  It's good. The mangoes, unbelievable. I don't know what they do.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Dude, there really is. That mango, sometimes you walk by one, and you're like, actually, yes. And like, you want tahini on that? Like, lady, whatever you say. I'm doing it.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, spread that around to local vendors.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 51:17H. Foley?

  You know what they do? Started coughing them like, they, uh, keep it in a brown paper bag for a couple of days.

• 51:21Speaker 03

  Money?

• 51:24Speaker 00

  You're not gonna earn any interest that way.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  It's a wild take, and I'll try it. If it might make me more, if it might turn into two.

• 51:30H. Foley?

  Start growing roots. No, the mangoes, they keep them in the, in the... Mangoes and avocados, you keep them in a brown paper bag for a couple of days, they get nice and ripe. That's what the boys at, uh, Bear Burger told me that worked in a kitchen.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Bananas?

• 51:40H. Foley?

  And they knew they were avocados.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  Bear Burger boys.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  Now, was there anything, you have your satchel of drugs you've been peddling all over the city?

• 51:48Speaker 03

  Can't take those with me. I thought about taking some acid, but I'm like, maybe you'll just find there, if I gotta find any.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  You know, why not get into trafficking before you leave?

• 51:54H. Foley?

  Any acid I just came across a little bit. Three hundred bucks, I'll give it to you.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, listen, you put it away till... I gave some to somebody else, I don't wanna get in any trouble. Uh, and he was like, uh, Mike Roland said, uh, that I don't, uh... Because I'm not really in the mood right now to do acid. I'm like, don't do it now. Put it away for when you're in the right headspace.

• 52:13H. Foley?

  It's not a Zambuca.

• 52:14Speaker 03

  And again, I don't wanna say who it is, but then Mike Roland said, yeah, that's a good idea. I will do that. I'll put it away.

• 52:18Speaker 00

  Sure. Has there been anything, you've getting a lot, you've given, you know, you've gotten rid of a lot of your worldly belongings?

• 52:24Speaker 03

  Oh, still.

• 52:25Speaker 00

  You've done a big purge?

• 52:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:26Speaker 00

  Has there been anything you've had? You know, a piece of technology, something where someone's like, you're like...

• 52:32H. Foley?

  Piece of technology?

• 52:33Speaker 00

  Are you working for the Chinese? I don't know this fucking guy.

• 52:35H. Foley?

  I think I have an 115. What'd you do with your anti-gravity?

• 52:39Speaker 03

  I'm loving this middle seat. Yeah.

• 52:41H. Foley?

  It's alright, it's a hot seat, huh?

• 52:42Speaker 03

  It's alright.

• 52:43H. Foley?

  Rope a dope ya.

• 52:43Speaker 00

  Got you right where I want you. Keep my eyes on you.

• 52:46H. Foley?

  Can't get in, can't get out.

• 52:48Speaker 00

  Did you, because I know in your, in your past, you've been really good to younger comics, you peddle a lot of your, you know...

• 52:52Speaker 03

  I didn't have this year, I didn't have a young comic to grab whatever you want.

• 52:55H. Foley?

  Who gets your jokes? Can I start doing Jew around town?

• 52:58Speaker 03

  Yes, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Don't you, don't you hate when your Yiddish mother says, "Morgue a filter fish", and you're like, "I'm already full"? I didn't know Foley was Jewish.

• 53:08H. Foley?

  Orthodox, old school.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Foley.

• 53:15H. Foley?

  Hey, I got a late spot.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  In the past, they've come over, they're like, "Can I have a fork"?

• 53:18Speaker 00

  Cause you used to, before I knew you, you'd have like, uh, you know, "Come get my recliner".

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Come get everything. It was so fun.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  Like, "Anything must go sell".

• 53:26Speaker 03

  Get, just like grab. It was so fun. I didn't quite do it this year. I, I save stuff for people. I had a liquor party, because we're both invited, didn't show up. Where it's like, "Come get a bottle on your way out".

• 53:36Speaker 00

  I don't know why you had to fucking drag my name through the mud like that.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  You've never been nice to me.

• 53:40Speaker 00

  It was jammed up.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  You've never once been nice to me.

• 53:41Speaker 00

  You had a party for me!

• 53:43Speaker 03

  I did have a party for you, that's right.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  Which was very nice.

• 53:45H. Foley?

  Did you go?

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:47Speaker 00

  What the fuck kinda antisocial?

• 53:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was like, "Wait, this is your last chance before you ever can". I'm like, "Oh yeah", that was fun as shit. Like, "You gotta get it. Let's go, let's go, let's go out".

• 53:55Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 53:56Speaker 03

  We had bart, we grilled a little.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  I mean, listen, Mr. Schaffer.

• 53:59H. Foley?

  Is that the mushrooms or the onions that you made, the forty-eight day mushrooms?

• 54:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, forty, twenty-four hour.

• 54:05Speaker 00

  Forty-eight day mushrooms?

• 54:06H. Foley?

  What is that right there?

• 54:07Speaker 03

  Oh, they had to burn it.

• 54:08H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Pre-cancerous.

• 54:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, we get that.

• 54:11Speaker 03

  I was like, "What the fuck's that mean?".

• 54:11H. Foley?

  I was gonna say, we get that, looked at.

• 54:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I did. And so he fucking burned it with one of those genital wart burners. You know what I'm talking about?

• 54:16H. Foley?

  End up in a fucking urgent care in fucking Myanmar.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  So my skin test, I go, "Let's burn that off". And I was like, "Okay". You got that genital wart burner. Remember those?

• 54:25Speaker 00

  No. What do you mean, "Remember those"?

• 54:27Speaker 03

  Nobody?

• 54:27Speaker 00

  Not one of those floozies you hang around with?

• 54:29Speaker 03

  It's like this freeze stuff, and they fucking, and it fucking burns, and then your genital wart just pop, I've heard, your genital wart just pops off and scabs up. They did it with my nose.

• 54:39Speaker 00

  Oh, god damn. It's not just for genital warts.

• 54:42Speaker 03

  I guess not.

• 54:43Speaker 00

  And Ari's life it is.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  Just discovering it's, I was like, "Is that a genital wart thing"? The guy was like, "No, there's other uses". I'm like, "But mostly that"? I was like, "Yeah, mostly that". Yeah, free, they freeze it.

• 54:54H. Foley?

  You got a genital wart on your nose, dude?

• 54:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, wow. I bet shouldn't have been going down to chicks that way.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  You like that? You like that, dude?

• 55:01Speaker 00

  The guy's hunting him. He's hunting and pecking like he's typing. Fucking nosing dudes.

• 55:09Speaker 00

  But I mean, you did the great-

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Let me see, what did I give away that people really, really liked?

• 55:13Speaker 00

  No, I was getting back to complimenting you on your hosting duties.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, okay.

• 55:17Speaker 00

  Got there, full spread up on the roof, got a nice roof deck.

• 55:20Speaker 03

  For the boys!

• 55:21Speaker 00

  For the boys, uh, I'm talking like a bunch of liquor, good amount of just beer, just a good amount of everything.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  How was the ice?

• 55:28Speaker 00

  Good ice.

• 55:29Speaker 03

  Ice game was good?

• 55:30Speaker 00

  Ice game was good.

• 55:31Speaker 03

  Shout out Associated. Supermarkets, always good on the ice.

• 55:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, shout that mouth, like they need it.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  Today's episode is brought to you by Associated Markets. Everybody, if you want some overpriced eggs-

• 55:41H. Foley?

  Good market, good store, good New York grocery store, Associated.

• 55:44Speaker 00

  It's key food to me, but yeah.

• 55:46H. Foley?

  What is key food?

• 55:46Speaker 03

  Key food's great too, key food's better prices.

• 55:50Speaker 00

  Associated.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  But yeah, it was a good time.

• 55:52Speaker 00

  He had a great, and then he was doing the thing where like, you cooked every 90 minutes to two hours. Every time someone new would come, he would just start, he wouldn't go, "What do you want?", because then they go, "Ah, I don't know."

• 56:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I thought he was so afraid.

• 56:10H. Foley?

  Don't you hate when everybody does that?

• 56:11Speaker 00

  "I'm good for now." He didn't ask, he just fired up the fucking grill. Shish kebabs, burgers, sausage is going, then he drops, because everybody's like, we're sitting there drinking for six, eight hours, fucking- And he made the perfect amount every time. Not all of it would go, there'd be like a sausage, one burger.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  You ask one guy, "Do you want a burger or sausage?", he's like, "No, I'm good." If you put 10 sausage or burgers out, they're all grabbing.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  They're going. And it was great, it was great, it was just like the rhythm of it was fan-fucking-tastic.

• 56:39H. Foley?

  Good guy.

• 56:39Speaker 03

  That's what I like to hear.

• 56:40Speaker 00

  Then we all went inside and watched something.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:44Speaker 00

  Was it a game, maybe?

• 56:45Speaker 03

  We all went inside and watched.

• 56:46Speaker 00

  It was the Knicks game, the Knicks were playing.

• 56:48Speaker 03

  Playoffs.

• 56:48Speaker 00

  Playoffs, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  That was also great, I've never had anybody over to watch sports.

• 56:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:52H. Foley?

  Look at that.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  Shout out Justin TV for, uh, sorry, uh, firstshoressports.edu for the free hookup on, uh-

• 56:59Speaker 00

  Who?

• 57:00Speaker 03

  On the, on the, uh, legal streams there.

• 57:01H. Foley?

  You've been stealing cable the whole time?

• 57:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've never had cable.

• 57:04Speaker 00

  Are you serious?

• 57:05Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I used Big Jay's, I'm not joking, Big Jay's Netflix account up until last year. He logged in once in my place and I-

• 57:13Speaker 00

  Suck, Barry, you cancelled yours immediately?

• 57:15Speaker 03

  I've had two specials on Netflix that I did not pay for on my own. That's pretty good. You tell him that? I've been trying to fuck with his algorithm, too. I've been trying to get like girly shit on there. See, every time I go on there, he's like, "I'm like four episodes ahead of this show." I just find whatever he's watching, I just skip ahead. It's all caught up on Emily in Paris? And he's like, "Wait, what? This makes no sense." I'm like, "Ah, what? Skipped episodes." Sorry. Shut up, Big Jay. Sorry. All jokes aside, truly one of the best guys in comedy. Big Jay. You. I was like, "Big Jay is great." Shout out to Big Dog. Love him.

• 57:48Speaker 00

  No, um, we're gonna miss you, obviously. You were one of the first big guests outside of our immediate reach, when we were still a very, very small show.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  We were niche.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  When, uh, you were like, "You'll do the show," and we were like... I mean, it was crazy. And then it was just, that was, you were like, you were like the linchpin genuinely to level us up to get to the next level. Cause like, "Oh, we had Ari," and then the whoever.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  That's how they get people at shitty, shitty, uh, comedy shows.

• 58:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  You know, we had, uh, we had Norman.

• 58:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:19Speaker 03

  And you're like, "All right, I'll go."

• 58:20Speaker 00

  But it's like, everybody's had Norman. That guy, he'll do everything. That guy's out there working.

• 58:24Speaker 03

  The Griffin game, like, "All right, I guess I'll do it."

• 58:25Speaker 00

  If you get list, you go, "All right, I'm listening."

• 58:27Speaker 03

  Then I'm real.

• 58:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:28Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, I, yeah, I did your show. I believed in you guys from the start. I'm like, "Oh, this is actually pretty fun. I would tell everybody about it."

• 58:33Speaker 00

  You did, and I know it's very, you know, very much appreciated.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, you guys ruled. That's fact. One time we went to, I was taking the boy over here to a Yankee game. I was like, "I'm free. You wanna go Yankee game? I got tickets." And you're like, "Yeah, I'll get tickets." I'm like, "No, I already got it. I got some bleacher seats. It'll be great."

• 58:46Speaker 00

  This was such a, this was, I remember when I was next to him. He goes, "Ari Shaffir's asking me if I wanna go to the Yankees game." What do I say? We're like, "Go."

• 58:55Speaker 03

  I don't know what the hell I was gonna talk to you about for fucking two hours. I'm trying to get some shellfish thrown in you. Two hours. This is the old rules. This is three and a half.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  So then...

• 59:02Speaker 03

  Before the shot clock.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  So then he goes, "I'll get the tickets." You bought tickets?

• 59:07Speaker 03

  I bought tickets.

• 59:08Speaker 00

  And you spent, like, an insane amount of money.

• 59:13Speaker 03

  Season game of a team I didn't care about. It was five grand.

• 59:16Speaker 00

  No, it wasn't. No, it was up there. It wasn't five grand.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  Three, maybe. It was at that, we sat... We were in the Legends. We were in the Legends suite. Three rows behind the SNL people.

• 59:25H. Foley?

  King crab legs, the whole nine yards.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  Oh my god, that's right. It was cra- I was like, buddy, I just wanted to get a couple beers. And sit and watch baseball.

• 59:33H. Foley?

  Not with Uncle Hank.

• 59:34Speaker 03

  It was a day game and a weekday. The point is to come, we'll just keep boxing.

• 59:38H. Foley?

  What are those crabs called, the ones that they sell down at Joe's in Miami?

• 59:41Speaker 00

  Stone.

• 59:42H. Foley?

  Stone crabs. Fucking long as the eye could see. Frame, whatever.

• 59:45Speaker 03

  I took something to go.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  I mean meanwhile, you were in credit card debt at the time, but...

• 59:49Speaker 03

  I brought a big pocket. You're like, no, you've helped me so much, let me help you. I'm like, this is not worth it. Just give me the money.

• 59:55Speaker 00

  Hey buddy, give me two grand.

• 59:56H. Foley?

  We had a nice goddamn game, didn't we?

• 59:58Speaker 03

  It was a blast. It was a blast. It was a blast. That was a lot of fun.

• 1:00:02H. Foley?

  Yeah, good times.

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a good time. And I was like, what? You're like, yeah, you guys have, you've helped me. I was like, yeah, but, I was just like...

• 1:00:09Speaker 00

  Not fucking five grand now.

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  Hang out, I'm trying to impress you.

• 1:00:12Speaker 00

  I'm trying to, trying to shag you over here.

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  I got a first class ticket to Australia once, the UFC. Rogan gets a companion ticket.

• 1:00:19Speaker 00

  Who?

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  Joe Rogan.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  Joe, how these boys are, that's crazy. The linchpin of comedy here, they're keeping it real. The only thing in New York keeping it real all the time.

• 1:00:31Speaker 00

  Oh, we're ruined.

• 1:00:35Speaker 03

  What's he gonna do, have you on less? And, um...

• 1:00:39H. Foley?

  Speaking of keeping it real, you ever go into a store?

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  These bitches be tripping. Yeah, but I got a first class companion ticket, but it's to Australia, it's $25,000.

• 1:00:48H. Foley?

  25 grand?

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  It was part of his contract.

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  To go over there?

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  Going to the...

• 1:00:51H. Foley?

  What the fuck with the spiders and shit?

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Dana White comes up to me.

• 1:00:54H. Foley?

  That's crazy!

• 1:00:55Speaker 03

  Dana White comes up to me and he just comes running over and goes, "Do you know how much your ticket cost?" And I was like, "Yeah Dana, you should have given me half. I would have flown coach. I could decimal use 12 grand."

• 1:01:04Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 1:01:06Speaker 03

  Good story, Ari. I had to bring it to a halt. Edit in laughter and that.

• 1:01:11Speaker 00

  And edit out the other stuff.

• 1:01:14Speaker 00

  Uh, but we gotta wrap it up, gang.

• 1:01:16H. Foley?

  Ari, we're gonna miss you, pal. We love you.

• 1:01:18Speaker 03

  I'm gonna miss you guys too.

• 1:01:19Speaker 00

  Cheers, one more cheers, brother.

• 1:01:20H. Foley?

  Mr. Ari Shaffir. Love yous.

• 1:01:23Speaker 00

  To Ari Shaffir, gang.

• 1:01:24H. Foley?

  Guys, we love you. We'll see you next week.

• 1:01:25Speaker 03

  Peace!