Ep 572 - Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)

Watch the Matt's New Short 'Papa John Paradox' OUT NOW! @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pviJr0JdfU Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/ yo0o0o0. wuz gud. Here we are with your weekly cast. Today we're joined by legendary D. A. W. G. & bro Gabriel Davis. Hope everyone is having a blessed week. Please enjoy. God Bless. Get DUDE Wipes at Amazon and retailers nationwide. Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The Wild Wild West. Yeah, let's do it. Hey, we're live. Welcome to Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. We're here with special guest Gabriel Davis.

• 0:08Matt McCusker?

  Yes, sir.

• 0:09Speaker 00

  You. Gabe, so how are you?

• 0:11Matt McCusker?

  I'm good, doing good.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  Good.

• 0:13Matt McCusker?

  Nice. Energy in here is a fucking wild.

• 0:15Speaker 00

  Energy's crazy.

• 0:16Matt McCusker?

  Energy is nuts.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  Energy's uncomfortable. It's like Gabe brought his entourage.

• 0:19Matt McCusker?

  I know, it's sick.

• 0:21Speaker 00

  Entourage. There's fucking seven guys here. You guys all day just kept being like, yo, is it cool if another guy comes over?

• 0:28Matt McCusker?

  It does, it does feel like a grade school dance when the boys are lined up against the wall, but there's just other boys on the other side of the wall. It's an all-boy dance.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  The dorks are nervous, the podcast dorks are nervous. It's the dorks and the jocks, dude.

• 0:42Matt McCusker?

  We're gonna get wedgie'd.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 0:44Matt McCusker?

  Dude, this is gonna be sick.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  Dude, you made fun of my fucking hat a minute ago.

• 0:48Matt McCusker?

  No, I didn't, dude.

• 0:49Speaker 00

  That was crazy.

• 0:50Matt McCusker?

  I said I liked the hat.

• 0:50Speaker 00

  I was nervous about the hat. I almost gave it to Nate right away.

• 0:53Matt McCusker?

  Why?

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Cause it's a cool hat and I don't like wearing cool hats.

• 0:56Matt McCusker?

  Why do you think I was about to say that's a sick hat?

• 0:57Speaker 00

  No, you smiled when you said it.

• 0:58Matt McCusker?

  Cause you know I smiled?

• 0:59Speaker 00

  You know that's nasty, dude. You know that's fucking nasty. You smiled when you can't laugh and give a compliment.

• 1:04Matt McCusker?

  I smiled going, the Beezer would love that hat. That's why I smiled.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  The Beezer's gonna get his hands on this hat. I'm giving him this hat.

• 1:12Matt McCusker?

  I like, I genuinely liked the hat and then I thought of how much the Bees would like that hat. I, I smiled, that's all.

• 1:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, but if you give someone a compliment and smile while you're doing it, it's clearly an insult.

• 1:21Matt McCusker?

  It wasn't, it wasn't a neck.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, those are cool shoes. Fuck. Nasty, dude.

• 1:27Matt McCusker?

  I just thought about how much.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  I know it's race week, I know it's race week and you're tested, dude. You're really raging again, dude.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  You raged on my hat.

• 1:35Matt McCusker?

  I just, I, I can smile, I can like a hat and laugh about how much the Bees would covet a hat.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  Bees would go nuts for this hat.

• 1:42Matt McCusker?

  That's what I thought about him on the couch being like, yo, that's not gonna make shit. I know.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  Miss the Bees. You've, have you ever met the Beezer? Uh-uh, no. He might have been in Buffalo. No, he wasn't. I never met him.

• 1:53Matt McCusker?

  Nah, he might have flashed by, you wouldn't even see him.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  He's the man.

• 1:56Matt McCusker?

  He Bees is around, he'd flash right by, you wouldn't even, he's like a hummingbird.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  He's apparently, he's posted, he's posted up at Bonner's now. You can find the Bees, yeah.

• 2:03Matt McCusker?

  You find him at Bonner's?

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:05Matt McCusker?

  That's nice.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Go down to Bonner's, meet the bees.

• 2:09Matt McCusker?

  Little bees, they have a little bees house and he just busts by, dips his beak and leaves.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Blizz, was it you? No, somebody was just telling me about Blizz, Blizz and him were gonna go get lunch. He was supposed to meet him there and he, Blizz was riding his bike and he rode past Bonner's and he was, Blizz was late. And he drove past Bonner's and a beaser was out there just smoking a cigarette in front of a bar. He was like, "Aren't we supposed to meet for lunch?" He's like, "Yeah, I'll be there, what the hell."

• 2:33Speaker 00

  He wasn't going, he just wasn't gonna go. He was gonna stay at Bonner's.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  We gotta get you to Bonner's.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 2:43Speaker 00

  It's just a nice bar in Philly. It's a good time.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  What about the Philly?

• 2:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, Philly rules. Where are you hinting at?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  I'm not hinting at nothing.

• 2:51Speaker 00

  You're gonna go to Philly? What are you doing there?

• 2:54Speaker 02

  They got enough, they got enough, they got enough out there.

• 2:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  I can't do that. Those boys are all paid and making plays, I can't.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, those guys are great.

• 3:04Matt McCusker?

  Could do it again this year?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 3:06Matt McCusker?

  I can't believe you turned on me at the beginning of the episode.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  You made fun of my hat and you juiced.

• 3:10Matt McCusker?

  I didn't make fun of that hat.

• 3:11Speaker 00

  You juiced to the gills and it's affecting everyone, dude. It's race week and you're juiced, dude. The cycle must be crazy this week.

• 3:21Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's just a Sheila Jeep, man. It's just a Sheila Jeep.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  The fuck is Sheila Jeep?

• 3:26Matt McCusker?

  It's like this, uh, I don't know, I feel like Muslim guys get it from like mountains or something.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Well, they're always jacked.

• 3:32Matt McCusker?

  I know, they're jacked. That's high tea, that's the most high tea religion there is.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Religiously, yeah, probably.

• 3:37Matt McCusker?

  Most high tea religion, for sure. Can't do anything.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's high tea.

• 3:42Matt McCusker?

  High tea, dude, making women cover themselves up like that, I hate to say it, it's high tea.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  Amish is a good high tea.

• 3:47Matt McCusker?

  Super high tea.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:49Matt McCusker?

  Amish is crazy high tea. Amish is so high tea that like, you might fuck around and marry your cousin.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  That is the highest form of tea. Only dudes with high tea thought their cousins were hot as fuck growing up. Only, your tea's so high, you're like, yo, my aunt, I would fuck my aunt.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  That's high tea, dude.

• 4:06Matt McCusker?

  You gotta have a lot of tea to like kiss your cousin and be like, what?

• 4:09Speaker 00

  You have high tea, bro, you definitely want to fuck an aunt.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  You have a hot aunt?

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Nah, hell nah.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Nah, hell nah.

• 4:19Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  You do have probably.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  I only got like one aunt. I don't even know my other aunt.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  So you're saying she's not hot? That's just gonna see this. So mean.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Nah, she's not that she's not hot. She's just, she's my aunt.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  That's wild.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  True.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  There's some hot aunts kicking around.

• 4:36Matt McCusker?

  There are.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Is your aunt hot?

• 4:38Speaker 00

  No.

• 4:40Matt McCusker?

  What about aunts that marry into the family?

• 4:43Matt McCusker?

  There's aunts that marry into the family.

• 4:47Matt McCusker?

  All my aunts that marry into the family, I like call them every now and again. I'm like, yeah, you look so beautiful. Yeah, you look so cool.

• 4:54Matt McCusker?

  I almost said, you know, right?

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:56Matt McCusker?

  Uncle Blank is so lucky.

• 4:59Matt McCusker?

  I almost said his name.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  I told you I got drunk and told my cousin how beautiful she looked at her wedding, right? You look like Helen of Troy.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  They're like, alright, man, let's get him out of here.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  You look so beautiful up there.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  That was just, that was a low point.

• 5:16Matt McCusker?

  We are getting to the age though, where you can start telling women how beautiful they are and it's like, not that big of a deal.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:21Matt McCusker?

  If you see a woman dressed up at all, I'm like, you look beautiful.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  You look stunning.

• 5:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  Go to, yeah, you're the Applebee's.

• 5:25Matt McCusker?

  Some guy, some like old man just hit Brittany with that. He's like, I have no agenda. I just wanna say you look beautiful. No, it wasn't Busta Rhymes. Motherfucker Busta Rhymes, but. Fucking kiss my wife's hand, dude. I leave the room for one second, comes back in, she's like, oh my God, Busta Rhymes kissed my hand. I was like.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  One of my, one of my homegirls had a, had a run with Busta Rhymes though. He did the same thing. He did the same thing.

• 5:45Matt McCusker?

  He's a horny fella.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  It's hot too.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Like in the club, in the club, he like walked up to him and was like, I just wanna tell you the most beautiful girl in here.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  He might be autistic.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:55Speaker 00

  I've seen autistic dudes hit that.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  Nah, he's on that.

• 5:56Matt McCusker?

  It's sigma grind. It's total sigma grind. He'd be like, I have no, I don't even care what happens. I just wanna tell you you're beautiful and just walk away. Yeah. It's a good move.

• 6:04Speaker 00

  It's a good move.

• 6:04Matt McCusker?

  I told my wife I'm gonna start, she told me about it. I was like, I'm gonna start doing it to every lady I see then. If it's such a nice thing.

• 6:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, if it's fine, if it's okay.

• 6:10Matt McCusker?

  Such a nice thing.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:10Matt McCusker?

  That's my plan for 2026. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna try to get a ton of female friends. Just so I can be like laying in bed and be like, oh dude, Samantha did. She's so fucking.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  So fucking funny.

• 6:20Matt McCusker?

  She sent me this thing. It's so, you guys, you guys should hang out.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  It's a really great move. Just do everything your girlfriend says is not a big deal.

• 6:27Speaker 00

  Fine, we can do this.

• 6:29Matt McCusker?

  Like dude, Kimberly just sent me a meme. You guys have like similar sense of humor. You guys would love each other. We should all hang out.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm gonna go to the beach with my friends from college. Of course, a couple of my guys. It's gonna be fun. We're gonna get a beach house.

• 6:39Matt McCusker?

  Do you know who actually does this?

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Who?

• 6:41Matt McCusker?

  Haas.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  Trash dog in the press conference.

• 6:45Matt McCusker?

  He called one time and he's.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  He scared in Haas's head before the fight.

• 6:48Matt McCusker?

  He texted Brittany one time and he goes, I'm on a girl's trip. And she was like, oh, he must be talking to his wife. And Haas like, no, it's just like my friends from college. It's like a girl's trip, but I go on it too.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ, what an animal.

• 7:00Matt McCusker?

  He's a B, he's high tea.

• 7:01Speaker 00

  He's the highest tea you can have.

• 7:02Matt McCusker?

  Going on the girl's trip.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  Girl's trip.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  What, we were friends? That's crazy. You would, you go on girl's trips?

• 7:13Matt McCusker?

  Hello?

• 7:14Speaker 00

  And we're back.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Deleted.

• 7:17Matt McCusker?

  I always.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  Oh, you gotta bring the mic up.

• 7:19Matt McCusker?

  Oh, my bad. What do you, did you ever like come across those dudes or like, yeah, I was just kicking it with my homegirl last night. It's like, what are you talking about, dude? Your best friend, your girl best friend? It's like, what are you, what are you doing, man?

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Unless you're having sexual intercourse.

• 7:30Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, obviously, but at that point, you can't call them your homegirl. That's crazy.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  I had a guy call, a male called a girl a fuck buddy last night. Yeah.

• 7:39Matt McCusker?

  I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like lady friend.

• 7:43Matt McCusker?

  Sean said that one time.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  Sean said that's my lady friend?

• 7:45Matt McCusker?

  What the fuck? Who the hell do you think you are?

• 7:47Speaker 00

  That's just my lady friend.

• 7:48Matt McCusker?

  That's just my lady friend.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  We gotta get out of here. Everyone's mean.

• 7:52Matt McCusker?

  Dude, it's stranger, girlfriend, wife.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  This is a complete stranger to me. That's what I say about all of them.

• 7:59Matt McCusker?

  Never met this woman.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  That's how I introduce my girlfriend to people. I go, this is a complete stranger. I just met her earlier.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes. Matt, take it from there.

• 8:14Matt McCusker?

  Well, let me tell you something about these Dude Wipes right now, man. I love to take it right here. Here we go. I'm your butthole. Yeah, me. The most overworked, underappreciated part of your body.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  Name two or three poor choices that your butthole never appreciates. For example, Buffalo Wings, iced coffees, gas station sushi.

• 8:36Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, there's, I mean, all of those.

• 8:38Speaker 00

  What's going on? This is, this is disgusting stuff.

• 8:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, jalapeno poppers, root beer floats. That's a weird one to tie to your butt. I don't know what that would do to my butt.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  Root beer floats?

• 8:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they also, they put in here, um, two foot, double ended.

• 8:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's bad for your butt.

• 8:53Matt McCusker?

  Corner store chili cheese dogs.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  I'm the one dealing with your poor choices. That's from the butthole.

• 8:58Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 8:59Speaker 00

  And then you drag a dry ass tissue across me like you're sanding a piece of shit coffee table until I'm a throbbing red balloon knot.

• 9:08Matt McCusker?

  Bro.

• 9:08Speaker 00

  Who the fuck wrote this ad? Dude wipes, available at retailers nationwide and Amazon. Look, they do fucking rule. You don't have to, you don't have to write that ad read.

• 9:17Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Speaker 00

  They're good for your butt. It feels good.

• 9:19Matt McCusker?

  It's, I mean, having, traveling with them is for real, like my.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Traveling with them's great.

• 9:24Matt McCusker?

  First day of traveling, my ass falls apart. Terms, it's just completely blistered.

• 9:28Speaker 00

  You gotta, you gotta oil slick.

• 9:30Matt McCusker?

  Exactly.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  And these are designed specifically.

• 9:32Matt McCusker?

  The oil slick then irritates the skin. If it was just an oil slick, fine, but then your skin gets all irritated, but having these to come back from and just.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:39Matt McCusker?

  Like after like a warrior in battle, just kind of dabbing it and going.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  But yeah.

• 9:44Matt McCusker?

  They're flushable. Extra large wet wipes with scents like mint chill and shea butter. Stop being an A-hole to your B-hole. We take it all back. That's fucking cool.

• 9:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was great.

• 9:54Matt McCusker?

  Dude wipes, available at retailers nationwide and Amazon.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, we support this product.

• 10:00Matt McCusker?

  For sure. Dude, uh, speaking of strangers, I, uh, I recently got, I got like accepted into a spider league or invited to a spider league.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 10:10Matt McCusker?

  I, I, I didn't know what it was at first, but I was like, what it's basically you take pictures of spiders you see around, submit it to chat GPT saying like, hey.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  What is this?

• 10:19Matt McCusker?

  Identify the spider and rate one from a hundred how dangerous it is to other spiders. Submit the chat GPT with the picture and then you're in like a tournament bracket where you're fighting spiders against other people, dude.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  That's awesome.

• 10:29Matt McCusker?

  Just found a false widow today. Danger rating seventy-five. I've had a couple, I've had two picks so far, eighty-five and seventy-five.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  Damn, it's like, it's real life Pokemon go.

• 10:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's fucking awesome, dude.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  Fucking awesome.

• 10:39Matt McCusker?

  It's the false widow.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  Dogs.

• 10:41Matt McCusker?

  Huh?

• 10:42Speaker 00

  Do a dog or just.

• 10:43Matt McCusker?

  Dogs can be tight too.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  Do a black.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  No, I'm joking about that. Come on. My bad. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  What would my rating be, though?

• 10:55Speaker 00

  You? Your rating's high as fuck, dude. You're dangerous. You're a scary fucking psycho. I've seen him talk shit to, like, you and Spencer, that was... When you would talk shit to Spencer Brown, I was like, "Gabe, chill." You're like, "No, I'll beat the fuck out of you." I mean, they're joking, but...

• 11:10Speaker 02

  No, for sure. No, I got something against Spencer, like, low-key.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  You think you could beat up Spencer?

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, because he's so big, and he thinks because he's so big, he can, like, beat people up, but I feel like he's soft inside. Nah. Spencer's soft as fuck, though.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  I don't know, dude. He's playing fucking football. He's pretty...

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Nah, I'd beat his ass.

• 11:29Matt McCusker?

  How big's this guy?

• 11:31Speaker 00

  Gigantic.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  Six, six-nine, like, 300?

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Bro, he's huge.

• 11:36Matt McCusker?

  It's like The Undertaker, bro.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  He's literally The Undertaker. He was the one who was playing, uh, the Dave and Buster's. I was on mushrooms watching him play fucking video games, and I was just like, "Fuck." He was terrifying.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that would be kinda scary on mushrooms, seeing giant guys.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  Seen a giant guy play a kid's game?

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Ah, fuck.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  I was like, "Damn, dude, we used to have Vikings. Now they're just at fucking Dave and Buster's." It's crazy. That guy should be burning a village. Said he's hanging out with La Mer and Dave and Buster's Buffalo.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  That was a great time.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  That was the best time.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  That was an awesome time.

• 12:08Speaker 00

  That was literally the best time.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:10Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I saw the one guy, I think it was the SNL after-party, he tried to grab, like, your jacket or something, and that was, you had some pretty quick movements. Remember, at your SNL after-party, there was a guy with a backpack who was trying to make everyone do drugs, or, pretty much make Shane do drugs with him? And he was like, "Go away, go away."

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Did not.

• 12:27Matt McCusker?

  And you were like, "Dude, get out of here," and he tried to unzip something on your jacket, and he grabbed this guy's arm with a pretty alarming and terrifying speed. Cranked it up. He was like a drug nerd. He was like, "Bleh!" And he like got away and I was like, I was watching like, dude, you would have for sure died. It would have been.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  We had that one time where we were hanging out.

• 12:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think it was the same night you were saying you were gonna fight Spencer.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, was it that same night?

• 12:49Speaker 00

  Came up at the bar?

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was tripping.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  He was tripping.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Real little.

• 12:54Speaker 00

  I don't know, I don't wanna go into it too much.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no.

• 12:56Speaker 00

  You were, uh, you were saying some things.

• 12:58Matt McCusker?

  I do.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  What?

• 13:02Speaker 00

  You went right to it. You pressed the button immediately and I was like, oh shit.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Soon as I saw him, I already knew. I was like, yeah.

• 13:09Matt McCusker?

  It is weird though. I, I know, I've known a couple of guys like that who do have like a weird, who'll go up to like the tallest, biggest guys and be like, fuck you.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:18Matt McCusker?

  At the bar. It's always like, cause I have like tall family members and people will try to like fight them and it's like a, it's like a weird fetish.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  They're horses, dude. The dudes, they're giant freaks in your family.

• 13:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, like six, six. They're, they're massive. And the dudes will come up and be like, fuck, you think you're fucking tough.

• 13:31Speaker 00

  Philly would beat the shit out of you.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  McCusker?

• 13:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  Nah. I'm taking him and Spud on that.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  Yo, you can't, you can't take the spot, man.

• 13:40Matt McCusker?

  Not the duo. No one can take the duo.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  You're saying you're gonna, Dave Davis is gonna beat up War Mode? It's official. Adam Schefter's gonna report this.

• 13:52Matt McCusker?

  The duo would be too dastardly.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:54Matt McCusker?

  Spud will come in, suicide bomb at first. He'll come in.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Oh, 100%.

• 13:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  And he's just a torso, dude.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  No defense. He'd have no defense.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  He's a problem.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, he'll get, he's got a noggin too. He'd be tough to hit. Both those boys have big ass noggins.

• 14:11Speaker 00

  Oh, brother.

• 14:12Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 14:13Speaker 00

  So you got, you got a show tonight. I was, I'm moving a little slow.

• 14:17Matt McCusker?

  It's alright.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  Thinking about it.

• 14:18Matt McCusker?

  10 o'clock. I, dude, I forgot it was a 10 o'clock or.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  10 o'clock's tough.

• 14:21Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, but we'll see. It'll be fun, man. Brand new stuff. So, we'll see. Trying to, uh, trying to come up with the new stuff. It's pretty fun.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  Is it like an hour? Is it like a full show or is it like?

• 14:31Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try to do like 45 minutes of all new stuff. Of like, you know, newish. So, we shall see. AC, it's really just a test for Atlantic City, cause it's like, I don't know. I feel like a lot of people from Philly are gonna be there who have seen the old stuff. So it's like, let me try to give them the new. Just wanna bomb in Atlantic City. I wanna bomb in Atlantic City.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  If you lose the racing bomb, dude, you have to just, you have to walk into the sea. You have to just go straight into the sea.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  Bomb and lose the horse. Dude, he would be a, and the races before the show?

• 15:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can't, you can't bomb. You can't lose the race and then think of him after the show.

• 15:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Just be like, your new stuff's not good.

• 15:10Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Go just say that.

• 15:14Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just fly home quietly. I would change my flight secretly. Like, I wouldn't fly home with my family. I'd be like, what the hell? They bumped me off the flight? This is crazy. I'm flying first class tomorrow by myself.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  This is crazy.

• 15:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I couldn't go, I couldn't face my family after that, honestly. Or, or it would just charge me for the, you know, the next victory. I would train harder. Yeah. Just train harder.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  You're not gonna bomb there. And your family's gonna be there. You're gonna, you're gonna do great.

• 15:39Matt McCusker?

  It's like 20 out of a thousand people. And it'll be.

• 15:43Speaker 00

  20 family members is a lot.

• 15:45Matt McCusker?

  Backstage is gonna be a problem.

• 15:46Speaker 00

  Backstage is gonna be nuts.

• 15:47Matt McCusker?

  I've been talking to Brittany already. It's gonna be, those hotel rooms I give you, gone.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:51Matt McCusker?

  They're all, they're completely gone. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

• 15:55Speaker 00

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• 15:55Matt McCusker?

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• 16:02Speaker 00

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• 16:12Matt McCusker?

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• 16:31Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 16:32Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it'll be, it'll be fun, man. It'll be a nice little trip and I'll, I'll take the kids to the beach just before they start school. So, you know, that'll be, we have, we have real school now. I'm like, my eyes in kindergarten. So I gotta like, get up at 6:30 every morning. It's gonna be, it's gonna be fucking bullshit.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  That'll be nice.

• 16:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 00

  You're gonna like that.

• 16:48Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I, I do like the fucking Jaco.

• 16:50Speaker 00

  You didn't put the fucking dots on the calendar for real, though.

• 16:52Matt McCusker?

  I put one on.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  The picture you sent me, I was like, no.

• 16:57Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I did. I put one, but then I, she ran it back on me so fast. I was like, just kind of defeats the purpose. The dots would be too connected right now. She probably, she knew.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  She knew what she was doing?

• 17:07Matt McCusker?

  I think so.

• 17:07Speaker 00

  That's a good method, though. It worked.

• 17:09Matt McCusker?

  It did.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:10Matt McCusker?

  It did. I mean, dude, I was, I mean, my wife's also, I've learned, she's a gerontophile.

• 17:14Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 17:15Matt McCusker?

  She's a, she's attracted to older, like elderly men. That's why I have the gray goat. The goat's nice. She's real. I told her, I'm like,

• 17:22Speaker 00

  It was the first thing I noticed when you walked in. I was like, damn, the goat's getting strong.

• 17:25Matt McCusker?

  It's a yin yang goat.

• 17:25Speaker 00

  Maybe I'm a gerontaphobe.

• 17:29Speaker 00

  I'm a gerontaphobe, dude. I fucking hate old attractive guys.

• 17:34Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I've learned about, uh, gerontophile is a nice one. Did you ever hear of a basiophilia? It's people who are attracted. Try to guess what it is.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Basiophilia?

• 17:43Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's like a basiophilia. Babies or something? No, good guess. They're called pedophiles.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  No, I don't know.

• 17:51Matt McCusker?

  I wonder, there's gotta be a different term for like straight up baby attraction. We were like, nah, man, teenagers. I need, I need a little, I need a Hershey kiss.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Having them minis, bro. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, just baby fuckers. I think there's no real term for it.

• 18:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just,

• 18:09Speaker 00

  It's called a baby fucker.

• 18:10Matt McCusker?

  I think you call them like governor.

• 18:12Speaker 00

  True. Senator.

• 18:15Matt McCusker?

  No, basiophiles are people who are attracted to pretty much like neck braces, orthopedic boots.

• 18:20Speaker 00

  Holy shit. Oh, no. Neck brace is the funniest thing you can have.

• 18:27Matt McCusker?

  Orthopedic food.

• 18:31Matt McCusker?

  I was, I was, I was deep in researching kink for my radio play. So I came across, basiophiles was like, it was, I, it was like a A through Z.

• 18:40Speaker 00

  You just like hurt, hurt people.

• 18:42Matt McCusker?

  It was just, I don't, I think you're just attracted, yeah, you're attracted to people who are like bound in medical devices.

• 18:46Speaker 00

  Neck brace is the funniest thing. It's the funniest way you can look. If you have a neck brace on, you are a loser. You can't go out public.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  A person in a neck brace at a casino. Made me die. A bazio file needs to head to the fucking casino. Everyone in there is fucking dinged up. Everyone's got a cast on.

• 19:08Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true. That would be a good place.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  Neck brace at a casino is rock. I can see the bees man rocking a neck brace at the casino with this hat.

• 19:15Matt McCusker?

  That should be his merch. He should personalize neck braces.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Shut the fuck up.

• 19:22Speaker 00

  Down the barner, shut up. Yeah, where'd you get that hat? What, that Carhartt?

• 19:31Matt McCusker?

  Is Beez the main guy from?

• 19:33Speaker 00

  No, that's.

• 19:34Matt McCusker?

  Who's that?

• 19:35Speaker 00

  From Tires?

• 19:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  That's, that's Garbys.

• 19:37Matt McCusker?

  Oh, Garbys. Okay, Garbys, yeah.

• 19:39Speaker 00

  Beez.

• 19:40Matt McCusker?

  Well, I remember him talking about the bees, the killer bees.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  Kylo's boyfriend. The girl on the show.

• 19:44Matt McCusker?

  Oh, okay, okay, okay.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  He's a, he's a comedian and, uh. He's just a good guy, he's an all-timer, dude. I miss him. He's back in Philly.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  Can't wait to see him.

• 19:53Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 19:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:54Matt McCusker?

  I might, I don't know if I'll see, I don't know if it'll be.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  You might make the trek, you never know.

• 19:58Matt McCusker?

  You really don't.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  Honestly see him there.

• 20:00Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 20:02Speaker 00

  With a neck brace in a casino going, hey.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're racing fucking horse, dude. Horse is so fucking gay.

• 20:13Matt McCusker?

  Only person I've ever met in the world who whispers like a deaf guy makes no sense.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  He tries to be quiet, he just goes straight up.

• 20:18Matt McCusker?

  It's crazy.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  Every time he'd be like, dude, fucking, because we all live together. So if somebody would be upstairs and he'd be talking shit on him, he'd be like, dude, I fucking told him, like, don't fuck with that shit, dude. Don't fucking fuck with that shit. And he fucking did it, dude, fucking.

• 20:37Speaker 00

  Beez is incredible.

• 20:39Matt McCusker?

  He really is.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  Never has, never swam once.

• 20:43Matt McCusker?

  I know, it's crazy.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Yo, he gets so mad if you bring up swimming.

• 20:46Matt McCusker?

  This is how he dressed at the beach, just jeans, t-shirt. He shows up at like 6pm, you're like, where were you all day?

• 20:52Speaker 00

  All black, all black with shoes on.

• 20:54Matt McCusker?

  We visited him at the beach and he just never made it to the beach. We're like, yo, where are you?

• 21:01Speaker 00

  Beez, dude.

• 21:03Matt McCusker?

  Stands in jeans like, yo, it's fucking Beez.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  It's fucking hot out here. Jeans.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, rules.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 21:14Speaker 00

  Oh, brother. What do you got going on?

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Shit, just rehabbing, got some visits lined up. Go to some teams, see what we got going on.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  You don't have to break the news, but what do you know? Say what you want.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Up to the northeast a little bit.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:31Matt McCusker?

  Ew, I like that.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  And out west a little.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  Up there, a little out west, yeah.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:35Matt McCusker?

  Nice, man. You're rehabbing. What's, uh, what's your injury?

• 21:38Speaker 02

  I had torn my PCO meniscus.

• 21:40Matt McCusker?

  Ah, fuck.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I had tore it, um, the 17th game in 2023 in Buffalo, and then signed with Jacksonville, and the shit just never got back right.

• 21:51Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  So I was just running, like, week 10, and just took a cut and then felt a pop in my knee and went to go try to walk to the sideline. I was just like, bro, I can't make it.

• 22:01Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  So then my meniscus and then my PCO end up fully, my PCO was already partially torn, ended up fully tearing, and then I had tore my medial meniscus.

• 22:09Matt McCusker?

  So how do you actually rehab that?

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Quad sets. I mean, it was a lot. I was on crutches for like 12 weeks, and then I got a blood clot in my calf, so then I had to be on blood thinners for like three months. Um, but literally, like, you just have to get that flexion back, like bending and shit.

• 22:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Like, that's like the worst part.

• 22:29Matt McCusker?

  Fuck.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  You have to get that, get that bend back, or...

• 22:31Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy. Dude, if I run for like two days in a row, my knees are fucked.

• 22:35Speaker 00

  Like, if I screw up. They were talking about running, and I was like, I don't think I've sprinted in a decade.

• 22:41Matt McCusker?

  It's, dude, it's the cra- when you, when you do it again, did you run track at all in grade school?

• 22:45Speaker 00

  No.

• 22:46Matt McCusker?

  I ran it, and I wasn't good at all in grade school, and I remember my, like, 100-meter time, but I can't even touch it. I can't get close to it.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Oh, you're flying?

• 22:55Matt McCusker?

  No, I mean, I'm not that fast. Right now, I'll run 100 meters in like, I think I got like 13.5, 13.5. But it's not, dude, I think I used to get like, I know ten, ten seconds was like crazy in grade school. And I think I used to get like twelve.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Ten seconds is crazy now.

• 23:09Matt McCusker?

  Crazy now?

• 23:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, like highs, yeah, that's like high school guys.

• 23:13Matt McCusker?

  Okay, nevermind.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Like ten.

• 23:14Matt McCusker?

  Maybe I get the same time. I've always been at fourteen seconds.

• 23:18Matt McCusker?

  No, maybe I'm just fourteen seconds all the time. There was a couple of kids who ran like close to ten.

• 23:22Speaker 00

  I think fourteen seconds is kinda moving. I could be wrong.

• 23:25Matt McCusker?

  Thirteen point five, but yeah.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  Thirteen point five is great.

• 23:29Matt McCusker?

  But it's, it's not bad. When I first started sprinting again after a while, my like, I, my, my fingertips become numb. Like half my fingers would just completely lose feeling. I'd be like, fuck, this is not good. I might die out here.

• 23:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, definitely.

• 23:41Matt McCusker?

  But your body figures it out.

• 23:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, you'll see when you're geased up. You do anything, you go, I didn't, I didn't know that could happen to me.

• 23:47Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  Certain things start, dude, my arms, my hands will fall asleep. It's crazy.

• 23:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, circulation's fucked up.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  I got a long time for that.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  It's coming.

• 23:57Matt McCusker?

  But here's the thing though, when you, when you do cardio.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  Are you mad at me about fucking aging? No, I'm not doing that. It's gonna happen.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  It sounds like something that my body wouldn't do to me.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  Brother, I was like you. When I was your age, I was jacked and had to have some fucking.

• 24:12Speaker 00

  Trust me, dude.

• 24:13Matt McCusker?

  I was jacked.

• 24:13Speaker 00

  I took perfect care of my body. From then until this age.

• 24:17Matt McCusker?

  All my tattoos disappeared too.

• 24:18Speaker 00

  My tat, yeah, your tats are gonna fade off.

• 24:22Matt McCusker?

  Well, dude, cardio, I always thought was pointless, cause I was like.

• 24:25Speaker 00

  Cardio's pointless.

• 24:26Matt McCusker?

  I thought it was.

• 24:26Speaker 00

  No, it's definitely like the most important.

• 24:28Matt McCusker?

  I know, but when I was younger, I was like, I'm just gonna bench press and get a bigger chest. Why the fuck would I run? And then like, when you run, your body grows like new veins. You just can't see them. But as soon as I learned that, I'm like, oh, this is sick.

• 24:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a cool thing.

• 24:40Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you just think about your veins growing, your capillaries spreading, and you're like, this is fucking sick.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:45Matt McCusker?

  Especially when you get like out of breath, like when you were a kid. I haven't done that. Like I did that recently this week and it was just like, I used to do this like ten times a day.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, I used to do it all day.

• 24:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just like fucking for whatever reason. I like, thought I was gonna die. I laid down, I was like.

• 25:01Matt McCusker?

  Around four hundred.

• 25:02Speaker 00

  Four hundred sucks.

• 25:03Matt McCusker?

  Four hundred is fucking brutal.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:04Matt McCusker?

  Four hundred, I think one fifteen. Sorry, I keep talking about track.

• 25:07Speaker 00

  No, it's.

• 25:08Matt McCusker?

  One fifteen, four hundred.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  That's solid.

• 25:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:10Matt McCusker?

  It's not bad, it's alright. Forty, I mean, I'm gonna be forty in January, so.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  That's pretty good, dude. What would you run a hundred meters in?

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Probably like, a hundred meters? I don't know, probably like eleven, maybe?

• 25:23Speaker 00

  Oh shit, Matt might fucking burn you, dude.

• 25:26Matt McCusker?

  No, thirteen, thirteen five.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  Neck and neck.

• 25:29Matt McCusker?

  True, I just started work. We can have a race right now. Well, how's it, I don't wanna, I don't wanna fucking.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  I'm running, I'm running.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  Matt will take you to deep waters, you're not ready. You gotta keep rehabbing before you gum at my boy.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm good.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  He's fucking secretary, he's fast. You're fucking, he's fast as shit.

• 25:47Matt McCusker?

  Phil thirteen five's been my best.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  Dead, dude.

• 25:50Matt McCusker?

  My anaerobic capacity is definitely my strength, so yeah. All, I, I've said it before, all I gotta do is follow him the whole time. I'm gonna give him a little leash, I'm gonna give him a little lead, make him think like, oh shit, I'm really beating this guy, close the gap, as soon as I see that finish line, just, gone. Hit the NOS.

• 26:07Speaker 00

  Where are you, you guys are racing on the beach?

• 26:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 26:10Speaker 00

  That's gonna be tough, dude, a mile on sand?

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Gotta be close to the water.

• 26:13Matt McCusker?

  We'll be close, yeah, we'll be on hard sand. We'll be hard sand.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  You gotta draft behind him.

• 26:18Matt McCusker?

  That's true, I'm gonna let him block the wind for me.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:20Matt McCusker?

  But yeah, it's gonna be hard sand. I'm gonna, I'm not gonna go barefoot, cause I, last time I ran barefoot, I fucking fucked my toe up, so. But yeah, it'll be cool. Friday, it'll be Friday, it's kinda bullshit, I gotta fly all day Thursday and then fucking get there.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  When you're running, how do you know who gets to the mile first, though?

• 26:33Matt McCusker?

  He's, I'm trusting he has some sort of marker. It'll probably, if I'm guessing, it'll be a street sign on the beach, that'll be the marker, so. We'll see. It'll be fun.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

• 26:43Matt McCusker?

  I might just try to do a photo finish.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  Please film it.

• 26:46Matt McCusker?

  I'll have to figure out how to do it.

• 26:47Speaker 00

  And if you lose, delete it, but.

• 26:49Matt McCusker?

  I might just do a, I might just do a chesty with my phone. Do a chesty with my phone, yeah, and just, uh, also, I talked to a cop recently, and he said, he, he's, his body cam footage, a lot of the times, is, uh, our podcast, has like the soundtrack to it. I'll just be listening to the podcast, and then he has a chesty.

• 27:08Matt McCusker?

  It's making me laugh.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  I've been watching nothing but body cam footage the last few days.

• 27:10Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Yes, it's been pretty great.

• 27:11Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was fun.

• 27:12Speaker 00

  You enjoyed it?

• 27:12Matt McCusker?

  Body cam footage is nice.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  It's pretty funny.

• 27:14Matt McCusker?

  Sticking cops.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  Although it gets a little sad, it's a lot of schizophrenic people.

• 27:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:17Matt McCusker?

  That sucks.

• 27:18Speaker 00

  When they start yapping, it's kind of funny.

• 27:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're awesome.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  I know it's heartbreaking, but yeah, they start hitting numbers and shit. Like, I'm actually 727. You're like, alright.

• 27:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I love those guys.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, they hit names and numbers. That's how you know.

• 27:31Matt McCusker?

  They're pretty impressive.

• 27:32Speaker 00

  They're like, Frank is coming here and he's gonna be pissed at you. And people are like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's like, you'll see.

• 27:39Matt McCusker?

  Have you hit any like completely schizophrenic Instagram videos?

• 27:43Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 27:43Matt McCusker?

  They're the best.

• 27:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:45Matt McCusker?

  Where at your first, you're like, what is this guy? And they're like, oh, fuck, he's schizophrenic.

• 27:48Speaker 00

  He's nuts, yeah.

• 27:49Matt McCusker?

  It's making a lot of sense. At first, you're like, damn, this guy has fucking cracked the code.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  There was one good one. There was a good body cam. This guy, this old dude shot a drone out of the sky and they came to talk to him and while he's getting cuffed, he goes, I can't breathe, I can't. He makes a fucking George Floyd joke and the cops are like, dude. He was the man though, other than the George Floyd joke, I don't approve of that.

• 28:08Matt McCusker?

  Schizophrenic guy hit the GF joke?

• 28:10Speaker 00

  He was not schizophrenic, he was just a bro.

• 28:12Matt McCusker?

  He was just broing out.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  He was literally a 72-year-old guy that a drone was over his house, so he shot it. And they all called the cops on him.

• 28:19Speaker 00

  And they were like, we're not gonna arrest you. And he was like, I can't breathe. They're like, alright. Get in the fucking car, goddammit dude.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I got that going.

• 28:31Matt McCusker?

  That's really funny.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm working on that.

• 28:33Matt McCusker?

  Can't believe those cops are being such fucking snowflakes, dude.

• 28:36Speaker 00

  They were. The camera did shift away, because I bet those cops fucking laughed. Those cops probably loved that fucking joke. Yeah.

• 28:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I'm sure they were like, fuck.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  That's a good one.

• 28:47Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else is going on?

• 28:51Matt McCusker?

  Tell you this, dude, I had to run in with firefighters recently.

• 28:54Speaker 00

  Whoa, what'd they do to you?

• 28:55Matt McCusker?

  Bro, these guys were fucking hunks, man.

• 28:58Speaker 00

  What?

• 28:59Matt McCusker?

  No, I swear to god, we had, we had like a back-to-school party for my, uh, friends came over, friends from the neighborhood. And Brittany.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  I saw that on Brittany's story. You guys put together a fucking party.

• 29:09Matt McCusker?

  It was, it was a slam.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was crazy.

• 29:10Matt McCusker?

  It was fucking fun, but she called, she, the fire department's like near our house. She went up there and she's like, hey, if we're having a party, just come by, bring the trucks, kids will spaz. And I had to run out for a minute. I come back and there's just two gigantic fire trucks, bro. Hunks just walking among it.

• 29:25Speaker 00

  Fucking Austin hunks, dude.

• 29:27Matt McCusker?

  Dude, like creme, creme de la creme.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  Austin hunks, need to fucking chill out.

• 29:30Matt McCusker?

  Six, three, six, they're just massive.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  I could have told you the Austin fire department was definitely jacked dudes.

• 29:35Matt McCusker?

  It's ridiculous.

• 29:36Speaker 00

  Jacked hot guys that do jujitsu and shit.

• 29:37Matt McCusker?

  I'm like, I'm like, oh, cool. Like the fire department's here, the kids are here, this will be cool. The wives are just being horny perverts the entire time, being like, did you call them for the kids or for us? And right away, I'm like, fuck these guys.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 29:50Matt McCusker?

  Talking to husbands, I'm like.

• 29:51Speaker 00

  Again, you gotta do what they do. You make those jokes back.

• 29:53Matt McCusker?

  I know.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:54Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I should have been like.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'll fucking, I'll suck one of these fucking guys. What if I sucked one of them? How would that be?

• 30:03Matt McCusker?

  Just really loudly, like, what do you want, like a devil's threesome with these two guys? That's fucking crazy. Pee in your butt, that's crazy.

• 30:10Matt McCusker?

  But no, I was, I was hating. I was right away, I was like, these fucking, get these fucking guys out. And then I talked to one firefighter, he's like, yeah, we love the cast. I'm like, these guys are fucking awesome.

• 30:17Speaker 00

  These guys are great, yeah, fuck it.

• 30:18Matt McCusker?

  I went from being like, I'm gonna fucking start a fire down the street, get these motherfuckers out of here.

• 30:24Speaker 00

  These fucking hot guys off my lawn.

• 30:25Matt McCusker?

  They truly were fucking sick. They got the jaws of life out and they were just crushing beers with, making them explode. They were truly.

• 30:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, it was so tight. These guys are awesome.

• 30:35Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they were, they were blasting the hydrant. They fucking blasted me with the hydrant. I was like, that's kinda fucking funny.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  Really?

• 30:41Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 30:41Speaker 00

  These guys had fun.

• 30:42Matt McCusker?

  They were, they were the best.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:43Matt McCusker?

  I was like, cause at first it was just hooked up to the trucks, there wasn't a lot of PSI and I was like stepping in it, like showing the kids, like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. And then they hooked up the hydrant, I was like, oh, fuck.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  Oh, guys.

• 30:51Matt McCusker?

  It hurts, yeah.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. They need to have that, that fire department, they need to head down to that homeless camp by Nate and just blast those fuckers. They cleared it out. Yeah, they got rid of it.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, they cleared it out.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  They're coming back, dude.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  I don't think so. They put a fence up now?

• 31:05Matt McCusker?

  What? The fence? That kind of does them in. Yeah, you put a fence up.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do.

• 31:09Matt McCusker?

  It's over. The dream's over.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  They respect fences.

• 31:11Speaker 00

  They do respect fences.

• 31:12Matt McCusker?

  They did that in Philly. They had that whole, it was near my old house. They had a big baseball field and playground. And like, it just became like a genuine homeless encampment. It was big. And all they kicked them out and put up one measly chain link fence and they were like.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 31:26Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they just put the handkerchiefs on the sticks.

• 31:31Matt McCusker?

  They cannot fuck with fences at all. The simplest fence. They're like, well, show's over, guys.

• 31:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, show's over. I guess we're gonna have to find a house. Can't be homeless anymore.

• 31:41Matt McCusker?

  Looking at some first time home.

• 31:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's funny. It's crazy, man.

• 31:45Speaker 00

  The camp he had near his house was, right next to his house was.

• 31:48Matt McCusker?

  Dude, his friend was there.

• 31:50Speaker 00

  Weren't they like welding at night?

• 31:52Matt McCusker?

  There was just barrel fires. I was.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  Barrel fires? They're like blacksmiths?

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Like multiple barrel fires.

• 31:57Speaker 00

  They were literally smithing. Making swords and shit.

• 32:02Matt McCusker?

  Just a foundry?

• 32:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, they were going nuts in there.

• 32:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, I'm.

• 32:06Speaker 00

  Driving by and seeing them, the silhouettes and the flames must have been terrifying.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  It was, and it would be like 3 a.m. I'm leaving downtown.

• 32:12Speaker 00

  But you got a fence around your apartment complex. They can't get in.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Wait, what'd you say?

• 32:15Speaker 00

  Don't you have a gate? They respect the gate.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  They don't, they don't respect gates. They respect fences. I feel like they.

• 32:21Speaker 00

  True, they wait till the gate opens.

• 32:24Speaker 00

  Scurry in and go, I live here.

• 32:30Speaker 03

  That was my theory when South by was down here. They moved them all from under the bridge.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  They do, they do that.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  They do sweep them away.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  Over by the creek. They love that fucking bridge under there. I guess, yeah, the shade would be nice.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. They always try to get you for parking. Like you park and then they stand there. It's like, I helped you get that spot. And then you're like, ah, he's gonna break into my car if I. Oh, yeah, they wear fake, uh, high vis, like they work under the bridge.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  They're trying. They're doing something.

• 33:02Matt McCusker?

  It is a tight hustle.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Matt, Shane, what was your favorite part of last football season? What are you most excited about in the upcoming season?

• 33:11Matt McCusker?

  Super Bowl.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  Super Bowl was very exciting.

• 33:13Matt McCusker?

  That was awesome.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  Notre Dame beating Penn State was also a big highlight for me.

• 33:18Matt McCusker?

  That was huge. They spanked them, didn't they?

• 33:20Speaker 00

  No, it was a great game. Last second.

• 33:22Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, never mind, never mind.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  Georgia, they spanked.

• 33:24Matt McCusker?

  That's who I'm thinking of.

• 33:25Speaker 00

  Georgia was a shocker.

• 33:26Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Uh, please talk about your thoughts on the upcoming football season. I'm excited about it. The Philadelphia Eagles are gonna be great.

• 33:34Matt McCusker?

  If they become a genuine football dynasty, it'd be the fun, it'd be the, probably the worst thing that ever happened to the city.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  Hey, Matt, do you know the Ashton, Ashton Jenny, Gentee, Jesus Christ, running back stance? Is he gonna be better than Saquon?

• 33:47Matt McCusker?

  Not gonna be better, but I'm, I'm a-

• 33:48Speaker 00

  Do you like his stance?

• 33:49Matt McCusker?

  I like his stance a lot.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  He just stands straight up.

• 33:51Matt McCusker?

  Does he really?

• 33:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's pretty sick. He's a running back. He literally just stands.

• 33:54Matt McCusker?

  Like a 1920's football player?

• 33:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 33:56Matt McCusker?

  That's nuts, man.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  It's awesome. Uh, all this football talk is getting me pumped. Thankfully, the football season is already underway on PrizePix. PrizePix is offering season-long stat picks that we can take right now before the season even starts.

• 34:10Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 34:11Speaker 00

  That's pretty cool.

• 34:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Matt, dude, I feel like it's pretty simple to play, dude. You just pick more or less on athlete stat projections. If you get your picks right, you can cash in and win up to 2,000 times your money.

• 34:22Speaker 00

  That's crazy. So just, uh, download the app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCH to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game.

• 34:37Matt McCusker?

  Guys, August 16th, it's coming up. It's next week. It's huge.

• 34:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's huge. Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan. August 16th, it's gonna be big.

• 34:47Matt McCusker?

  And then take, fly back to Atlantic City. After that, fly right back to Atlantic City. Ovation Hall, Ocean Casino Resort.

• 34:56Speaker 00

  I wouldn't go to that. I would go to Grand Rapids.

• 35:00Speaker 00

  No, that's good. Ocean's gonna be nuts.

• 35:01Matt McCusker?

  Ocean's will be sick.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  And this is gonna be before or after the race?

• 35:04Matt McCusker?

  After.

• 35:05Speaker 00

  Oh, nice. You get to talk about the race on the...

• 35:08Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  That's gonna be, yeah, that's gonna be a big one.

• 35:09Matt McCusker?

  I didn't even think about that. Ooh, I better, the whole time I run, I'm gonna try to get a nice five minutes.

• 35:13Speaker 00

  You'll get five out of that. You definitely will.

• 35:16Matt McCusker?

  It'll be nice. It's slated to sell out. It might not. We'll see.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  That'll sell out.

• 35:21Matt McCusker?

  It's very close. It's close. It's close.

• 35:23Speaker 00

  That thing's gonna sell out in a heartbeat.

• 35:24Matt McCusker?

  I hope it will. I think it will. And, you know, even if it doesn't, we're all gonna have a good time. Guys, 8 o'clock PM, Atlantic City, New Jersey, August 16th. Go to, where'd you say you're playing?

• 35:33Speaker 00

  Oh, 8 PM, Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

• 35:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not as good.

• 35:44Matt McCusker?

  I was gonna do the Atlantic City Arena, but I was like, you know what?

• 35:47Speaker 00

  You know what? I'm not gonna do that to my fans.

• 35:51Matt McCusker?

  Whatever. Go to everyone you want. I don't even care.

• 35:53Speaker 00

  Uh, August 15th, Little Caesars in Detroit, 16th, Grand Rapids, 23rd, Milwaukee. Milliwake. And then, oh, nevermind. September 6th, Notre Dame Stadium.

• 36:05Matt McCusker?

  That'd be sick.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  That's gonna be a bomb and a half. That's gonna be so bad. But I'm just gonna be happy to be there.

• 36:13Matt McCusker?

  That'll be tight.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  It'll be really uncomfortable, but...

• 36:15Matt McCusker?

  That's actually, yeah, now that you say that, that's actually amazing to perform at the stadium. You're gonna wear pads. You should wear pads, bro.

• 36:22Speaker 00

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna be at Notre Dame this weekend. Or tomorrow. I go to Notre Dame tomorrow.

• 36:26Matt McCusker?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Strap the pads on. Line them up.

• 36:29Matt McCusker?

  You should wear them for your set. If you came out in pads, dude, and slowly fucking took them off.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  Took the pads off. Just wore football pants, sleeveless underarm.

• 36:39Matt McCusker?

  Put a locker room bench on stage and just sit on it every now and again.

• 36:42Speaker 00

  Guys, dude, this is what it's all about. The house that Rockney built.

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Uh, all right. Go see our shows. August 16th in...

• 36:51Matt McCusker?

  Whatever you wanna do.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  Atlantic City. Check it out.

• 36:55Speaker 04

  And one last thing. Matt's new animated short, The Papa John Paradox, is out now on his personal YouTube channel. And there'll be new animated shorts every Monday on Matt's personal YouTube channel. So check those out, please. Thank you.

• 37:13Speaker 00

  Link is below. Now let's get back to the show.

• 37:17Matt McCusker?

  I did, uh, I was the valet one time, but I did do something similar where I just didn't park anyone's cars. And I'm like, yeah, I'll take that. And then I just left with all the money. It was like peace out. This is a restaurant. I was like peace. Someone hired me and then.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  Dude, you didn't park any of the cars?

• 37:33Matt McCusker?

  I had like one stick shift car and I couldn't drive sticks. So I was just lumping that thing around. And I was like, dude, can you park this? I gotta get another car. And I had like the guy do it himself. And then I started going like, I should just direct traffic in here. And they were just handing me money. I was supposed to like give it to some guy, but he never showed up. So I just like later.

• 37:48Speaker 00

  Fuck yeah.

• 37:48Matt McCusker?

  And he called my friend. I was like, just don't tell him I talked to you. Made like 300 bucks.

• 37:52Speaker 00

  That's awesome. Did you ever have a job?

• 37:54Matt McCusker?

  It's tight.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  Hmm, no, never.

• 37:56Speaker 00

  You've never had a job?

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Mm hmm. That's so tight, no.

• 38:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, I figured you've been playing football the whole time.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, full time, 24 seven.

• 38:05Matt McCusker?

  Dang, it's pretty cool.

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, since I was like seven.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  I remember those days.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 38:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. Second I quit, my dad got me a job at a fucking factory. He fucking killed me. Second I quit football, he was like, I got a job for you. You don't want, you want to be a post, you didn't quit football? Here, here's a job. And it sucked. It was worse than football.

• 38:24Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, I wanted to quit when I was nine. We started to put the pads on. I was like scared and shit.

• 38:29Speaker 00

  Really?

• 38:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. And then my mom was like, you quit now, you quit the rest of your life. And I was like.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I got hit with that a lot and I, that was kind of right. I kind of quit everything I've ever done. Yeah, yeah, they were right. Yeah, good for them.

• 38:42Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I was so, the pads were the shit. I just.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was a big fan of the pads.

• 38:46Matt McCusker?

  For sure thought I was like the best football player in the world. And then I went to, I went to high school and was like, all right, well, figure something else out.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  For the run.

• 38:53Matt McCusker?

  And start smoking weed, actually.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  A weed guy.

• 38:58Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that shit's fucking hard, man. Although they, they should have, I wish I had better coaches, man.

• 39:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, they should have got you.

• 39:04Matt McCusker?

  I wasn't fuck, I wasn't D-line material.

• 39:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're a linebacker. You're clearly a linebacker.

• 39:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, well, I mean, was I though?

• 39:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, I can see a middle linebacker.

• 39:14Matt McCusker?

  Five, ten?

• 39:15Speaker 02

  Outside?

• 39:16Matt McCusker?

  Outside, probably.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Matt Milano style?

• 39:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, you got some. You're a heady player. You'd be like Keakley.

• 39:23Matt McCusker?

  I couldn't do.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Understand that you'd get it.

• 39:25Matt McCusker?

  True, I, yeah, I would.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  You'd figure it out.

• 39:26Matt McCusker?

  I'd figure out the game.

• 39:28Speaker 00

  That's what I honestly, I thought I would at college. Did not figure it out.

• 39:31Matt McCusker?

  I couldn't figure, I couldn't figure out.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  I don't need to read this playbook. I'm gonna fucking figure out the offense.

• 39:35Matt McCusker?

  I couldn't figure out one play. Basketball is impossible.

• 39:38Speaker 00

  Basketball was tough.

• 39:38Matt McCusker?

  You come down, pick here, he goes.

• 39:40Speaker 00

  Play immediately, run straight into another guy. Yeah.

• 39:44Matt McCusker?

  I'm gonna set a pick and hopefully that's what I gotta do. I will get the ball in basketball and just throw it away immediately, give it to someone. Yo, get this thing the fuck out of here, dude.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  It's the worst.

• 39:52Matt McCusker?

  I don't need this pressure.

• 39:53Speaker 00

  It's the worst. It's funny you still see that in the NBA though. Like, I remember like trying to break a press and it's like, dude, I can't dribble. Don't throw me the fucking ball. If I get trapped, we're fucked. If I get the ball, try to break a press, it's fucking.

• 40:06Speaker 00

  Straight in the air, dude. You still see it in the NBA though. Guys will bring the ball up the court, pass it to somebody who clearly can't dribble at all.

• 40:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 40:12Speaker 00

  They panic.

• 40:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, give the fuck away from me.

• 40:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that shit fucking.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  Who was that? Was it Harden towards the end with the Sixers that just suddenly couldn't dribble?

• 40:24Speaker 00

  I swear to God, it was Harden.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Harden had handled the whole, he's still.

• 40:27Speaker 00

  I feel like the last like playoff.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  He just, he, he, he kinda fizzles out in the playoffs allegedly. I don't even put that on him, but he, he, I can't, I'll never shit on his handle. He's always.

• 40:39Speaker 00

  Good diplomatic answer for James Harden.

• 40:42Speaker 03

  Nah, I'm a, I'm a James Harden guy. I ain't gonna shit on him.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  I swear to God, I remember the end of the, his run in Philly of him just falling down constantly, the ball.

• 40:51Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that's.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  It was nuts.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  He's an old man now, though. He is all the more. He, he does tumble sometimes, but.

• 40:58Matt McCusker?

  Who's supposed to be good this year in basketball?

• 41:01Speaker 03

  The East is ass. It's gonna be probably the Thunder again, is my guess. The East, everybody got hurt on the East. Holliburton, uh, Tatum. The Knicks might be the best, and fuck that.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  The Magic. Huh? The Magic. The Magic, yeah, the Magic are probably gonna be good too, actually. He's lying like shit. One or two, I think. The Sixers are gonna, I don't know.

• 41:23Speaker 00

  You think the Cavs will be good again?

• 41:24Speaker 03

  The Cavs might be good. I forget about them. I didn't even see what they did last year coming in the.

• 41:28Speaker 00

  They were great, and then they, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  Playoffs. Ass.

• 41:32Speaker 00

  Alright, that's been our NBA talk. What else is going on? Cam'ron, there you go.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  That's honestly my favorite.

• 41:39Speaker 00

  That's the meanest thing I've ever heard anyone do.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  What?

• 41:42Speaker 00

  You can explain it better.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  He was beefing with, uh, Cuba Gooden's brother, Omar Gooden Jr. from like Baby Boy fame. Yeah, yeah. So, he called him like, he was trying to say something like respectful about him. He was trying to say that, uh, like, not popular actors don't get enough money. And he mentioned him and he called him Omar Gooden Jr., but he's not a junior. So he got like butthurt about being called a junior with, yeah. Super dumb reason to get mad and made diss tracks at Cam that aren't for real for their kind of fire. But, uh, but then so Cam, instead of like doing any like rapping with him, he, likes, like, he got him for like a movie that doesn't exist. He booked him for a movie and had him like film a whole like scene for a movie.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  Flew him out to Miami, paid him for it. The movie's in Spanish. The people are talking shit about Omar Gooden in Spanish, like in the scenes. They're calling him like a fat bitch. Called him like a fat bitch and a pussy ass nigga.

• 42:37Speaker 00

  Evil.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  And, and then, and it's got Cam in like a room where he can see everything filmed, and he's like, look at this fat nigga with his titties out, just saying the meanest. He punked him? He punked him. He real punked him. Did he reveal the punk at the end, or he just? Not, not to, like, he revealed it like yesterday. Oh, he just showed it on? Yeah, he tweeted, he tweeted, he did it like a video on Twitter where he's like, he, cause he did another diss track, like, unprovoked, and he was like, see, I wasn't even gonna put this out. I did that, I did this for me. I was just having fun doing this, but I he's got him signed in the paperwork where it's all, it's his footage, so he could do whatever with it. It's so funny.

• 43:21Speaker 00

  It's really funny though.

• 43:22Speaker 03

  He said, he's like, nigga, you was on the dollar menu. I got you for nothing.

• 43:27Matt McCusker?

  Ken might be the funniest.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:30Matt McCusker?

  And there's Omar. I didn't know Cuba Gooding Jr. Had a brother.

• 43:33Speaker 03

  He keeps Omar to the, he doesn't let anybody know. Like, I didn't know that was his brother for real, for real.

• 43:38Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know that either. I know exactly what you're talking about. I didn't know that was Cuba Gooding's brother.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  I had no idea either. He doesn't like the junior. He should associate with him more. It might help.

• 43:46Matt McCusker?

  That's a crazy reason to get butthurt. I think he was more so, I think he was getting butthurt over like lesser known actors than junior.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, probably, but Ken was trying to say like, he's a good actor. He should get a little bit more of a bag, but and then he turned on him and he was like, well.

• 44:02Matt McCusker?

  If he'd called him Cuba Gooding Jr. Jr., I could see him getting mad about that.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  With the double junior.

• 44:08Matt McCusker?

  That would piss me off.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Junior is a high insult.

• 44:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 44:14Speaker 00

  So what are you looking at, junior?

• 44:15Matt McCusker?

  Junior would piss me off.

• 44:18Speaker 00

  I'll fly to Miami and be in your movie. You piece of shit.

• 44:23Matt McCusker?

  It's also, you can get any, you can trick any actor with that. Like, we have a, we have an incredible opportunity for you.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 44:29Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. What was that documentary they did where they got?

• 44:31Speaker 00

  Wendy City.

• 44:32Matt McCusker?

  Wendy City Heat.

• 44:33Speaker 00

  You ever see that? They do that to a guy. He's, he's the man. He's a very funny guy. He's this crazy guy a little at the Comedy Store. And these other guys made an entire fake movie. They told him he was the star of an action movie and just filmed a movie of a guy that thinks he's in a movie. And everyone, it's called Wendy City. Everyone else is in on the joke. They're fucking with him the whole time, doing like stunts, throwing him in trash cans and shit. It's incredible. And he never really got it. They show him the video at the end. They go, this was all kind of a joke and he loves it. He just laughs along with it.

• 45:04Matt McCusker?

  That's.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  Fuck yeah.

• 45:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that would, I'm trying to think that would, I mean, what's his next move? What's Omar Gooding's next move? Omar, what's Omar Gooding Senior's next move?

• 45:15Speaker 03

  He, he, he tried to-

• 45:16Speaker 00

  You have to commit violence at this point. You have to resort to violence.

• 45:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, no, like diss track on top of that. He has to-

• 45:23Speaker 03

  He, he, he threatened to diss track, which is not gonna be better than that. And he did, he did try to play it cool and be like, I don't care, I got, I had a free trip to Miami. Like, you, you gave me thirty-five hundred and cut, but like, nah, that doesn't- He was trying all the tricks. It wasn't enough.

• 45:38Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 45:39Speaker 00

  You gotta walk away. That's his next move.

• 45:40Matt McCusker?

  He, he should have been like, I knew it. He should have been like, I knew it the whole time. I'm, I was just fucking around.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  Uh, Cam also said he was like, uh, I guess he was trying to do comedy and he was like, he was, he said he was, he had a show booked at an Olive Garden. Like, he's, he's saying the meanest shit to a pos-

• 45:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta leave him alone.

• 45:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta leave Cam alone.

• 45:57Speaker 00

  Somebody fakes and puts you in a fake movie, you gotta go. That guy won.

• 46:01Matt McCusker?

  Yeah. Sky will stop at truly nothing to-

• 46:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:05Matt McCusker?

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• 46:10Speaker 00

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• 46:10Matt McCusker?

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• 46:55Matt McCusker?

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• 47:07Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:08Matt McCusker?

  I've been wearing the Sunday Performance Joggers and I'll be honest, I didn't expect to have opinions about joggers, but I do.

• 47:14Speaker 00

  Oh, I know you do.

• 47:15Matt McCusker?

  Well, they're soft, lightweight and have four-way stretch, so they can move with you with no restriction. They're technically workout clothes, so you can train in them, but they don't look like workout clothes. You can wear them out and people will think you've got your life together. Honestly, they're comfier than whatever you're wearing right now, unless you're already wearing Viori, in which case, respect.

• 47:38Speaker 00

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• 48:00Matt McCusker?

  Dang.

• 48:01Speaker 00

  What's the meanest thing you've ever done to somebody, Gabriel?

• 48:03Matt McCusker?

  The meanest thing? I'm not a mean person.

• 48:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, you are.

• 48:06Matt McCusker?

  No, I'm not mean, bro. I told you you looked good in that hat earlier.

• 48:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, everybody's making fun of the hat.

• 48:12Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you look good in that hat.

• 48:13Speaker 00

  I laughed out against you when you complimented me and I paused.

• 48:15Matt McCusker?

  Goes with the furniture.

• 48:16Speaker 00

  You said, "Nice hat." I was like, "Shut the fuck up, dude."

• 48:18Matt McCusker?

  Hey, dude, he went on my hat, so my hat was shit.

• 48:20Speaker 00

  You were wearing the dumbest hat I've ever seen, dude.

• 48:23Matt McCusker?

  It was a great hat, right? It was ready for battle.

• 48:25Speaker 00

  It is. I'm just nervous about trying a new hat, dude.

• 48:28Matt McCusker?

  I feel you on that, though.

• 48:29Speaker 00

  You know?

• 48:29Matt McCusker?

  I have two hats I can wear. If I try to put on another one, I just, I like get, not even out of my bathroom, and I'm like...

• 48:35Speaker 00

  That's what I, I literally did that. I put it on, looked in the mirror, and took it off. And I was like, "Nate, do you want this?" And they're like, "It actually doesn't look bad." And I was like, "All right, I'll try. Maybe I'll try something different today."

• 48:46Matt McCusker?

  You ever done stand?

• 48:49Speaker 00

  Maybe it'll be different, who knows?

• 48:52Matt McCusker?

  Did you ever do stand-up with a hat on?

• 48:54Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah.

• 48:54Matt McCusker?

  I've tried, I can't do it.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  I've done it, actually, like, because I was doing a podcast and wearing it all day.

• 48:58Matt McCusker?

  Oh, you rolled out?

• 48:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:00Matt McCusker?

  That's fucking sick. I can't do it. I've tried it.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  I wish, I wish I could be a hat man on stage.

• 49:06Matt McCusker?

  All the greats, all the greats do it.

• 49:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:08Matt McCusker?

  Hat on stage is fucking power move. Just walk, roll through them, like, "I'm just trying out some new guys." What makes it different with a hat on stage, though?

• 49:15Speaker 00

  Can't, I rely heavily on how dumb my face looks. When the lights are over, you can't see your face, so...

• 49:22Matt McCusker?

  I feel like it is reserved for goat status. You have to be like, almost trying to like hide.

• 49:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:27Matt McCusker?

  So then I try, I kind of pulled the trigger prematurely, like, seven years ago.

• 49:31Speaker 00

  It's nothing compared to my blazer at the open mic.

• 49:33Matt McCusker?

  The blazer?

• 49:35Speaker 00

  It's one of the most embarrassing, I wore jeans and a blazer and a t-shirt under it.

• 49:41Matt McCusker?

  You gotta bring back the look.

• 49:45Speaker 00

  I thought that's how comedians dress.

• 49:47Matt McCusker?

  That's how they dress.

• 49:48Speaker 00

  No one dresses like that. I looked, I haven't seen it since.

• 49:52Matt McCusker?

  Sorry. It's how they dress.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was tough. Thank you. You guys weren't around yet. That was at the Comedy Zone.

• 49:59Matt McCusker?

  That was in Harrisburg?

• 50:00Speaker 00

  It's the Harrisburg Comedy Zone, rocking a blazer off the highway at a truck stop. Just bombing.

• 50:07Matt McCusker?

  HBZ.

• 50:08Speaker 00

  HBZ is nice, dude.

• 50:09Matt McCusker?

  That place is nice.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:10Matt McCusker?

  The fucking murals are crazy.

• 50:12Speaker 00

  They can't give me a mural?

• 50:13Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 50:14Speaker 00

  Fucking Voss has a mural. Shrek, Shrek's up there.

• 50:18Matt McCusker?

  They got, well, here's the thing.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  Crocodile Dundee. I can name the whole fucking mural. I stared at it so many times.

• 50:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they gotta ice somebody to give you your mural.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  They got Raymond the Amish comic, Earl David Reed, Liz, Kevin Hart's up there. Fuck Chris Rock.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  They're just tossing random people. Oh, the Chappelle is like a racist caricature of Chappelle.

• 50:39Matt McCusker?

  That's the one I remember. I remember Chappelle. They didn't do him justice at all. Yeah, that one was rough.

• 50:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, what the fuck? I can't get one?

• 50:45Matt McCusker?

  They can't erase Shrek?

• 50:46Speaker 00

  It's just fucking paint Shrek white. And go, that's him. That's Shane. He started it.

• 50:54Speaker 00

  Crocodile Dundee being up there is nuts.

• 50:57Matt McCusker?

  I mean, that's, at that point, they're hating on you.

• 50:59Speaker 00

  I swear to God, they're hating on you.

• 51:01Matt McCusker?

  Dude, every club I'm at, you're on the wall.

• 51:03Speaker 00

  They put like serious, aren't there like non-comedy actors up there?

• 51:07Matt McCusker?

  Like Jane Fonda on there?

• 51:08Speaker 00

  It's like regular movies they just toss up.

• 51:14Matt McCusker?

  That's some bullshit.

• 51:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:16Matt McCusker?

  Although the guy who painted that wall is definitely dead now, so they gotta find him.

• 51:19Speaker 00

  Everyone that's from there is dead.

• 51:20Matt McCusker?

  True.

• 51:22Speaker 00

  No, they're all alive against all odds. Every single one of them. Heath the Queef still going. Thought for sure he was.

• 51:29Matt McCusker?

  Really?

• 51:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, he almost died like while we were with him. He fucking fell asleep under his trailer and froze to death. He got stuck under his trailer in a fucking blizzard.

• 51:41Matt McCusker?

  What?

• 51:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:42Matt McCusker?

  How'd he get stuck?

• 51:43Speaker 00

  Heath the Queef, I don't know. He's down there. He went under his trailer and froze.

• 51:51Matt McCusker?

  Came back and crushed.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  He crushed, he crushed every time. He came back with a fucking, oh, it's a Barack baby. Home run. He said Barack Obama's parents had an Asian doctor and that's how they named him. And he goes, oh, it's a Barack baby.

• 52:07Speaker 00

  And he was just like, he was a beast, dude.

• 52:09Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Him and his partner, do you remember his partner? Were you there?

• 52:13Matt McCusker?

  That's crazy.

• 52:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, Big T, the cops, the cops, the cops came. Big T. The squad we put together in Central PA was fucking crazy. It was homeless people. And a drug stop. We were like, this is a real comedy. I'll show you real comedy. It's just like, you're following a guy, a homeless guy who's killing.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  Oh, fuck.

• 52:37Matt McCusker?

  You gotta bust out the blazer.

• 52:39Speaker 00

  I, I might have to bust out the blazer.

• 52:41Matt McCusker?

  It's time.

• 52:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:42Matt McCusker?

  It's time to do the blazer.

• 52:43Speaker 00

  Blazer with a v-neck t-shirt? God damn, dude. That would suck so bad. Yeah, it was a black v-neck.

• 52:52Matt McCusker?

  That's nuts.

• 52:53Speaker 00

  It's nuts, man.

• 52:54Matt McCusker?

  It's gotta be the third smash. It has to be.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  You gotta be nuts, dude. When you're starting stand-up, you literally have to be an insane person.

• 52:59Matt McCusker?

  That's true.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  To just go, I'm gonna go to this, I don't even know one person here. I'm just gonna get on stage.

• 53:04Matt McCusker?

  Did you go and scout one night and then?

• 53:05Speaker 00

  I scouted ahead for like a year. For a full year, I was going to the Comedy Zone by myself, watching people bomb. And I was just like, I'm better than them. I know it. And I got up there and couldn't talk. Just couldn't speak. Got in my car and I was like, fuck. Cause I was like, I don't need to write. I'm just funny. I got on stage.

• 53:27Speaker 00

  Just fucking left. I was like, next time I'm gonna write. Like, two years later, I went back.

• 53:33Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I feel like my first time doing stand-up, I wasn't even supposed to go on, but they like called my name and I just like killed for fifteen minutes. I'm just doing Steve Harvey shit. Steve Harvey's like, I went out there and I killed for an hour and they said, you're gonna come back here?

• 53:44Speaker 00

  I never, Guard Dog, when was your first, uh, show? When did you get up there?

• 53:49Speaker 04

  Uh, I tried it once when I was twenty in like a coffee shop on Temple's campus.

• 53:54Speaker 00

  That's a tough one.

• 53:55Speaker 04

  It was tough, but it was very fun and I have a nice memory, cause Chris Markell was there.

• 53:59Speaker 00

  Nice. He was hilarious.

• 54:00Speaker 04

  He was so funny. He had a Sunny D bottle filled with water and he pretended that it was his penis and he was squirting it at everybody drinking coffee.

• 54:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was, he was not afraid to use props.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  It was awesome.

• 54:11Speaker 00

  He was very funny with those props.

• 54:13Matt McCusker?

  He was also funny when he disappeared for a year and he came back. I was like, what happened? He goes, I got chased by the cops on a dirt bike and got arrested.

• 54:20Speaker 00

  He also made props, other people's props go into his bag at the end of the night. He was not afraid to find some extra props lying around, like iPhones. I think Mekki. He got the Mekster.

• 54:34Speaker 00

  Beast, the funniest kid to get, yeah.

• 54:36Matt McCusker?

  So funny. Yeah, that, he was the man.

• 54:40Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, man, I miss those Hairspray Comedy Zone days.

• 54:45Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, that is fun. Especially the first, like, couple of years, once you're like, I'm about to get forty bucks to do ten minutes at a winery, it's gonna be sick.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  Winery shows were awesome.

• 54:55Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're sick.

• 54:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was, especially when you start doing good in the open mic scene, you're like, I'm the fucking coolest guy that's ever lived. On a Thursday night, I get to go to one place where I'm actually cool. You get to be mean to all the new people, you fucking suck, dude.

• 55:13Matt McCusker?

  Or if somebody's good, you're like, he's a fucking bitch.

• 55:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, that guy's a bitch, I don't even like him. He sucks, dude, he's stealing everything right there. That's a Daniel Tosh joke, just so you know.

• 55:24Speaker 00

  Everyone's stand-ups are pretty.

• 55:25Matt McCusker?

  It's for a real cauldron of hatred.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  Y'all go up there and do it for forty dollars?

• 55:28Speaker 00

  Uh, that's a good night.

• 55:29Matt McCusker?

  Dude, you'd be stoked to take that haul home. Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

• 55:35Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 00

  I think you saw me do that last night?

• 55:38Matt McCusker?

  No, no.

• 55:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think that was forty or fifty bucks.

• 55:41Matt McCusker?

  Where'd you cop forty from?

• 55:42Speaker 00

  Probably the mothership, what's that? I just.

• 55:45Matt McCusker?

  At the LB, the big boy.

• 55:46Speaker 00

  Big boy. Oh, really?

• 55:48Matt McCusker?

  Big boy, yeah, pump it up, bro.

• 55:49Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 55:50Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it's, it's generous.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's way more than forty dollars.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, it's Rogan does it. Every other, like, the.

• 55:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 55:57Speaker 00

  The seller, the seller's like, on a weeknight, probably fifty.

• 56:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, Rogie's does, break the bread.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  So it's like the, it's like the, the process then, like, in the comedy world to get, like, to the top, like, I don't.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  You just keep fucking, backstab everyone.

• 56:09Matt McCusker?

  Backstab, conniving, backstab, conniving.

• 56:11Speaker 00

  Start a podcast, get fired for messing around. It's the only way.

• 56:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:18Matt McCusker?

  That's what I tell every, every time, like, a host has asked me, like, yo, for, like, I started podcasts, like, how do, how do I get traction? I'm like, dude, here's what you gotta do. I was like, do it for, like, five years and then pray to God your co-host becomes really famous. And they're like.

• 56:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, just find someone you think is funny and just go, dude, I hope you make it so bad.

• 56:36Matt McCusker?

  You just watch the light just drain out of their eyes, they're like.

• 56:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's it.

• 56:40Matt McCusker?

  That's all you can do.

• 56:41Speaker 00

  No, you gotta, yeah, you just get lucky. You keep doing it.

• 56:44Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 56:44Speaker 00

  But, yeah, at first, you gotta be, yeah, I, me personally, I had to be, like, depressed and shameless.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Cause when did you start?

• 56:51Speaker 00

  It's really embarrassing.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  When'd you start?

• 56:53Speaker 00

  Twenty, I was twenty-one, twenty-two. I was twenty-one.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  Same thing?

• 56:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, around twenty-two.

• 57:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  Twenty-one?

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Start popping off around like your thirties?

• 57:03Speaker 00

  Uh, no, the whole time it's fun though. Cause like you get little.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  I'm saying pop off like.

• 57:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'd say thirty-one.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  Thirty? Yeah. But like the whole time, there's like a little thing where they're like, yeah. They're like, you get to host this weekend and you're like, holy shit. Oh, it's crazy. I'm getting twenty-five bucks. And then you could tell everybody around like, yeah, I get paid technically, I'm a professional. Yep. It's just little things all the time. And then you're like, I'm gonna be a feature someday. Yep. And you get to do that.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  And the first time you have to drive anywhere, you're like, I'm on the fucking road.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Road, road trip. I blew it, dude. Earl David Reed took me to Pittsburgh, to Mars, Pennsylvania. And I was like, bro, we did it. I was watching like Entourage. I was with my boys. I was like, yo, you guys are coming with me on the road. I got a hotel room in Mars, Pennsylvania. Got out there, Four Loko's had just come out. Got fucking, a bl- literally blacked out before the show. Crashed a wedding that was at the hotel. They hated us. They tried to fight us. Yeah. Then they saw my face on the flyer and they're like, this fucking guy's at the hotel. He's, he's in this bar. He's doing stand-up. The, a bridal party showed up. It was like, you motherfucking piece of shit. And I was wearing a suit that I wore to, I was wearing a suit again. I'm a suit.

• 58:18Speaker 00

  I'm a fucking suit comic, dude. No, I was wearing a suit that we got, we all got suits from Salvation Army so we could crash the wedding. Oh, my gosh. So I was still in his, I was in an unbuttoned suit covered in red stains from Four Loko's, just dying. Literally bombing as hard as you can bomb, dude. Cause they were like, the host didn't show up. Can you feature? I was like, yeah, for sure. Can you do twenty-five? I was like, no fucking problem, dude. I bombed so bad that the guy who ran the club was like, what do you do? I was like, I go to college. And he was like, what are you studying? And I was like, history. Oh, I could be a teacher. He was like, yeah, you should do that. He's like, don't do, stand-up's not for you. Just become a history teacher.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  Do you know where that guy is now?

• 59:00Speaker 00

  I know the club's gone and he's probably dead.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  He probably died knowing I should have been a history teacher. He didn't know it was gonna work.

• 59:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was, yeah, that was kinda fucked up.

• 59:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, it was really mean.

• 59:13Speaker 00

  But I get it, if, there's so many fucking young, young comics and when you see them in there, dude, if a kid, this is my first show.

• 59:19Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:20Speaker 00

  Showing up drunk in a fucking suit.

• 59:22Matt McCusker?

  He should have known, if he knew anything about comedy, like dude, this guy's the man.

• 59:27Speaker 00

  Guy fucking rules.

• 59:28Matt McCusker?

  All those like, more, a lot of the places you got paid initially were like, very old crowds. And they were run by the most serious dickheads ever. And they were so mean, they really would be like lording over you.

• 59:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:41Matt McCusker?

  And handing you an envelope of like forty bucks at the end of the night and be like, yo, don't ever make fun of the host ever again if you wanna work in this town. And you're like, dude, shut the fuck up.

• 59:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, they hit you, they tell you how to do it. I did, uh, Uncle Vinnie's.

• 59:52Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 59:53Speaker 00

  And that guy got on my ass. I don't even know if it was the main manager, but somebody, there was like four people in the club. It was literally four old people eating just at an Italian restaurant.

• 1:00:02Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02Speaker 00

  And I was lying. I was like, this is new material, I'm just messing around, cuz I was bombing.

• 1:00:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  I was bombing so badly that I was like, this is, I'm just trying out stuff. It was my best stuff. And then I get, he's like, come outside and talk to me. I was like, alright. And he was like, don't ever use this as a workout room. This is a club. And I was like, okay, dude, there's four fucking people eating spaghetti. The fuck?

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do that too.

• 1:00:26Matt McCusker?

  The best is when I, I got, I used to do the comedy, did you ever do the comedy cabaret?

• 1:00:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:30Matt McCusker?

  It was raw, it stunk pretty bad.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  Wait, where was it?

• 1:00:33Matt McCusker?

  It was all over, it'd be like, restaurants, hotels. And I remember I did a night, and I finally, I was like, alright, I feel like I did okay. The guy's like, here's your pay, good job. And I like, something told me like, open it in front of him. I opened the envelope, it's just completely empty. And I was like, yo, bro, where's my fucking money? And he was like, what the hell?

• 1:00:53Matt McCusker?

  It's empty, dude. Did it fall out of here? It was a sealed envelope. I was like, you motherfucker.

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 1:00:59Matt McCusker?

  What the hell? That's good shit.

• 1:01:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta be kind of a scumbag to be running, and those shows were not like lucrative.

• 1:01:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:01:06Speaker 00

  It's crazy what you're up to.

• 1:01:07Matt McCusker?

  There was the one guy, he used to, I forgot his, I forgot his name, he would book all these shows, almost near like the Poconos.

• 1:01:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:14Matt McCusker?

  And like, he just, he didn't have a phone, he would book comedy shows. You have to like, call his girlfriend and be like, yo, it was, uh, I forgot his name. Is he there? And then she'd be like, hold on a second. He'd just be whacked out on perks, like, yo dude, your fucking shit's killer, bro, you're looking across. Never.

• 1:01:28Speaker 00

  Actually, I guess those guys did probably make some money. Some of those, you get like two hundred people in there.

• 1:01:31Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, you make a, a real quick eight hunch. You make a nice eight hunch and just kind of, yeah, some of, there was really, there's a... There's like a level of it that's completely run by the meanest, oldest, fattest Italians.

• 1:01:45Speaker 00

  Fucking wops and then literally schizophrenic depressed kids. It's a crazy industry.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you get you get little things the whole time that make it, you know.

• 1:01:57Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:01:57Speaker 00

  The coal, that was a big one for me.

• 1:01:59Matt McCusker?

  That was the best, bro.

• 1:02:00Speaker 00

  It was like the first time I ever had a line, we drove up to the coal region in Pennsylvania, did like a empty church.

• 1:02:06Matt McCusker?

  It was, it was tight.

• 1:02:07Speaker 00

  BYOB dude, we got fucking hammered in there with them. It was nice.

• 1:02:10Matt McCusker?

  I remember there was a puddle outside of it that was huge and I jumped the puddle and I was like, fuck it.

• 1:02:15Speaker 00

  Best night of my life.

• 1:02:17Matt McCusker?

  That's all I remember. That was fun though. That was, that might've been one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was a good one.

• 1:02:23Matt McCusker?

  Just going off the cuff of, uh, for the coal people?

• 1:02:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, the coal people loved it. I was talking about like Jewish goms. Yeah, I remember that. I was like, I'm a Jewish gom. If you put a note in my mouth, I'll fight you. Don't tell me what to do. The coal, the coal miners were like, ah.

• 1:02:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they loved it. Oh, yeah. Coal miners, for sure.

• 1:02:41Speaker 00

  Great town. I think that was Jim Thorpe. He was up there, yeah. Great town.

• 1:02:46Matt McCusker?

  Shit fucking ruled.

• 1:02:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, we need factories back.

• 1:02:49Matt McCusker?

  Dude, we do. We need something. We need it. We really do need to start like, because offices are fucking lame, man.

• 1:02:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:56Matt McCusker?

  That's the new factory. Like everyone's crammed into this office. We do, we gotta figure out what to do with people who are.

• 1:03:04Speaker 00

  The bros.

• 1:03:04Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Speaker 00

  The factories.

• 1:03:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, just like, people need to be thrown somewhere every day and just fucking whistles and stuff.

• 1:03:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a good life.

• 1:03:12Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:13Speaker 00

  You get paid and you go, you go fucking.

• 1:03:14Matt McCusker?

  That's the problem is the standard, yeah, giving someone enough money to live. Cause I feel like now it's just like, you give them enough to get access to debt.

• 1:03:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:22Matt McCusker?

  And it's like, yeah, dude, you can get a house, but you're gonna be in debt till you die and then, you know, wipe it.

• 1:03:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, we can't just all play games all the time. Some of us have to work.

• 1:03:29Matt McCusker?

  Bro, today, today was a nut day.

• 1:03:32Speaker 00

  Good work.

• 1:03:33Matt McCusker?

  Today was a nut day.

• 1:03:34Speaker 00

  That's how you work.

• 1:03:35Matt McCusker?

  We got in the pool together.

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  Clocking in right now.

• 1:03:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we all hung out, watched him play. But yeah, you're working.

• 1:03:41Speaker 00

  He's all day in the life, dude. He's all World War II games.

• 1:03:44Matt McCusker?

  I was like, there's no way he does this every day.

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  Playing the pool for a while, World War II games. Yeah. It's a good day.

• 1:03:49Matt McCusker?

  Buddy, you're a, you're a, he's a mental worker, dude. You never.

• 1:03:53Speaker 00

  Whole time I'm playing the game and going, oh, that's a good bit. Got another one. I'm not thinking, I haven't thought once. I haven't thought once today.

• 1:04:03Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, I wish someone would blow the whistle and stop me from thinking. That'd be nice.

• 1:04:06Speaker 00

  That's what, yeah.

• 1:04:07Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:04:08Speaker 00

  That's all it is. That's what, that's what sports are.

• 1:04:10Matt McCusker?

  That's why I like sprinting. When you sprint, you just stop sprinting and I like being underwater.

• 1:04:14Speaker 00

  Being underwater helps.

• 1:04:15Matt McCusker?

  Being underwater, dude. You stop thinking completely.

• 1:04:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:18Matt McCusker?

  Just lay underwater.

• 1:04:18Speaker 00

  Everything gets quiet. You go down there, you go.

• 1:04:20Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I hit, I give it to my kids all the time. I'll be in the pool with them. I go disappear. Thirty seconds, pop up. I'm like, yeah, that was awesome.

• 1:04:28Speaker 00

  The pool was ruined today. There was some wasps. The wasps were getting us.

• 1:04:31Matt McCusker?

  What? Killing the vibe.

• 1:04:32Speaker 00

  They harshed it.

• 1:04:33Matt McCusker?

  They were killing the vibe. What kind of wasp you working with?

• 1:04:35Speaker 00

  There was, there was little tiny guys that they always drink out of my pool. They're okay.

• 1:04:39Matt McCusker?

  Alright, they're skimming.

• 1:04:39Speaker 00

  They're, yeah. Then there was a, a monster.

• 1:04:42Matt McCusker?

  What color was it?

• 1:04:43Speaker 00

  It was black.

• 1:04:45Matt McCusker?

  Black and orange. It might be a mud doll, but they're not really aggressive. They're, it looks scary.

• 1:04:48Speaker 00

  Then a big fucker, the biggest fucker I've ever seen showed up.

• 1:04:51Matt McCusker?

  Yikes.

• 1:04:51Speaker 00

  And I don't think it was a wasp, but it was.

• 1:04:53Matt McCusker?

  I don't know what that thing was. It was horny?

• 1:04:54Speaker 00

  It was like a locust.

• 1:04:55Matt McCusker?

  Nah, nah. It was like, yeah.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  It was a football.

• 1:04:57Matt McCusker?

  Ah, yeah, it's huge. That's kind of fucked up.

• 1:05:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:00Matt McCusker?

  Those, I have those mud dollers in my house and I looked them up. They're not real, they're like the black wasp with like the super detached like body. And they're like not aggressive. They're not aggressive at all.

• 1:05:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was that guy. He seemed aggressive. He was fucking getting in everyone's face.

• 1:05:12Matt McCusker?

  No, the, yeah, maybe so. They're just, it was even.

• 1:05:14Matt McCusker?

  They're like this big. They're huge. They're, okay. Is he a hornet or is it a? No, it wasn't a hornet. Skinny boy?

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  Yeah. He had long skinny, uh, thorax.

• 1:05:23Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're detached thorax, you're right. And usually they only attack if you fuck with their nest. We have them in my like attic.

• 1:05:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta just let them live.

• 1:05:30Matt McCusker?

  They like get lost and they end up in my house every now and again. They're, you just open the door and they fly right out. Okay, they're dumbasses, dude.

• 1:05:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, fuck them.

• 1:05:37Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they like, what do they, oh, they like eat bugs and then feed them to their like babies in their little nest. So they're good for pest, they're good for pest control.

• 1:05:46Speaker 00

  They were a good time.

• 1:05:47Matt McCusker?

  I can't believe the mud dollers getting in your face.

• 1:05:49Speaker 00

  They were, yeah, they were on us.

• 1:05:51Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I had dreams last night. I had two ferrets. I woke up salty that wasn't the case.

• 1:05:56Speaker 00

  Fuck.

• 1:05:57Matt McCusker?

  They were so sick. I had, I had a mom and a baby ferret. And I all night just played with ferrets in my dreams and woke up and I even showed my daughter, I was like, you ever see a ferret before? To see if I could start getting one.

• 1:06:07Speaker 00

  See if you get a ferret.

• 1:06:09Matt McCusker?

  She's into them. Dude, they are the sick.

• 1:06:10Speaker 00

  Ferrets rule.

• 1:06:11Matt McCusker?

  That's what you should get is a ferret.

• 1:06:12Speaker 00

  You think, yeah, you could get like six or seven ferrets in this house.

• 1:06:15Matt McCusker?

  You get this place popping. And what you do is, you know, like the tubing that hooks up to like your dryer vent?

• 1:06:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:21Matt McCusker?

  You just like, put that shit all around your house and they just go nuts in your house all the time? Bro, I'm telling you.

• 1:06:26Speaker 00

  Five tubes lining this fucking ceiling?

• 1:06:28Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, a little sidewalk.

• 1:06:29Speaker 00

  Ten to fifteen ferrets? Just going crazy the whole time? Can't sleep at night? There's ferrets running, sprinting through my room.

• 1:06:39Matt McCusker?

  They would chill.

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  They'd chill, they'd block my schedule.

• 1:06:41Matt McCusker?

  You could lock them down.

• 1:06:42Speaker 00

  They'd get on my schedule.

• 1:06:43Matt McCusker?

  They would. They'd be so stoked, dude.

• 1:06:45Speaker 00

  Just chilling on the couch, watching fucking Holdfast?

• 1:06:47Matt McCusker?

  Bro, I'm telling you, watch some ferret videos. I lived one. I lived one for like a night last night. It was fucking awesome.

• 1:06:54Speaker 00

  That is awesome.

• 1:06:55Matt McCusker?

  I don't know. Yeah, I was like, I don't know where it came from. I haven't been thinking about ferrets. No difference between a ferret and a weasel?

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 1:07:01Matt McCusker?

  Weasel's wild. Same animal.

• 1:07:03Speaker 00

  You're crazy.

• 1:07:04Matt McCusker?

  I swear to God.

• 1:07:04Speaker 00

  I never knew that.

• 1:07:05Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, weasels is a wild ferret.

• 1:07:06Speaker 00

  Ferrets is a domesticated weasel?

• 1:07:08Matt McCusker?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:09Speaker 00

  Or is it just in the weasel family? Isn't that a family?

• 1:07:11Matt McCusker?

  I think they're the same fucking thing. I looked it up today.

• 1:07:13Speaker 00

  I believe you.

• 1:07:14Matt McCusker?

  I didn't know if I wanted a ferret or a weasel. And I looked it up. I was like, no, that was a ferret.

• 1:07:18Speaker 00

  Isn't it a weasel? Is it a weasel family? You got all those fucking things?

• 1:07:22Matt McCusker?

  I'm not sure. I guess that's what I saw.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  What's a fink? Isn't that a fink? Is it mink? Yeah, fucking idiot.

• 1:07:29Matt McCusker?

  Mink, yeah. Mink coat?

• 1:07:31Speaker 00

  Mink coat, yeah.

• 1:07:32Matt McCusker?

  Mink coat. What is it?

• 1:07:34Speaker 04

  Matt, I regret to inform you that they are related, but they are not the same animal.

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  Well, that's.

• 1:07:39Matt McCusker?

  Oh, fucking AI.

• 1:07:40Speaker 00

  It's the same fucking thing. I'm sorry.

• 1:07:40Matt McCusker?

  No, you're right. This AI summary fucked me, dude. It's not my fault.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not true. That's AI bullshit.

• 1:07:46Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 1:07:47Matt McCusker?

  What's the, what's the difference?

• 1:07:48Speaker 04

  It's, it is pretty much the same, but they said it's like a domesticated cousin, so they're slightly different in.

• 1:07:54Matt McCusker?

  Oh, I see. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying.

• 1:07:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're not the exact.

• 1:07:58Matt McCusker?

  Same species? Can you like put them up next to each other? Cause I feel like they look exactly the same.

• 1:08:01Speaker 00

  Ferrets have to be wild animals.

• 1:08:04Speaker 04

  You're pretty, you are right, though.

• 1:08:07Matt McCusker?

  Doesn't count now, he just told me I was fucking dumb as hell.

• 1:08:09Speaker 00

  Well, I'm taking a look at some pictures of ferrets and you're not wrong, Matt.

• 1:08:12Matt McCusker?

  Gutiap's.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  Be nice to have these guys running around.

• 1:08:14Matt McCusker?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:08:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, wouldn't you like that?

• 1:08:17Matt McCusker?

  You could put them on a leash, too.

• 1:08:18Speaker 00

  You don't want that fucking guy in there? Yeah, that's fucking good.

• 1:08:21Matt McCusker?

  Look at that guy.

• 1:08:22Speaker 00

  It's a young ferret.

• 1:08:23Matt McCusker?

  Dude, they just chill with you.

• 1:08:24Speaker 00

  That guy around. Killing shit.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  It's that good time.

• 1:08:27Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, they're mischievous, though. They are mischievous.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  It makes me think of the gerbil video.

• 1:08:31Speaker 00

  Body cam.

• 1:08:31Matt McCusker?

  The gerbil video you showed us today.

• 1:08:33Speaker 00

  He's got gerbils in his pants. This homeless guy broke into a fucking pet shop. They found him on a bench asleep. They like rip him off the bench. They have to cut his pants open and they're like, there's fucking gerbils. He's got gerbils in his pants.

• 1:08:49Speaker 00

  He passed out with gerbils.

• 1:08:51Matt McCusker?

  What did they do with the gerbils? They catch him or let him go?

• 1:08:53Speaker 00

  They, yeah, they were all holding him. I don't know. We didn't get that far, but. The pet store, there was just animals. There was puppies outside. There was parrots and shit on the sidewalk.

• 1:09:01Matt McCusker?

  He broke.

• 1:09:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, he threw a rock through the window and got in there and freed all the animals and fell asleep.

• 1:09:07Speaker 00

  He referred himself as Mr. Pancakes.

• 1:09:11Speaker 00

  But seeing him get ripped off the bench is rewarding.

• 1:09:14Matt McCusker?

  The what?

• 1:09:14Speaker 00

  He was watching and watched cops ripping a homeless guy off a bench that just broke into a pet shop. Pretty great. I think he was on a bench like right next to it.

• 1:09:22Matt McCusker?

  And I guess that guy just goes like a crazy house.

• 1:09:25Speaker 00

  I don't even think they have crazy houses anymore.

• 1:09:26Matt McCusker?

  Ah, that's nuts.

• 1:09:27Speaker 00

  You gotta let them out on the street.

• 1:09:29Matt McCusker?

  Whose idea was that?

• 1:09:31Speaker 00

  Liberals. Fucking liberal, liberal, liberals. Turns out having mental hospitals might have been a good idea.

• 1:09:39Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, the problem is.

• 1:09:40Speaker 00

  Insane asylums.

• 1:09:42Matt McCusker?

  In like the nineties, they used to like kick their ass. That's the problem.

• 1:09:45Speaker 00

  You're nuts, dude. We gotta lock him up, dude.

• 1:09:50Matt McCusker?

  He's a sicko.

• 1:09:51Speaker 00

  He's a real sicko when you get to know him for real.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  I just keep thinking of last night, that's why.

• 1:10:01Speaker 00

  It was a fun time.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  It was.

• 1:10:03Matt McCusker?

  Chill, chill sesh?

• 1:10:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, good chill sesh.

• 1:10:05Matt McCusker?

  Nice.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was good.

• 1:10:07Speaker 00

  We had a killer sesh.

• 1:10:08Matt McCusker?

  Chill. Wow, wow. Wait.

• 1:10:10Speaker 00

  Alright, we're back on the record.

• 1:10:12Matt McCusker?

  Back on the record.

• 1:10:14Matt McCusker?

  Chill sesh.

• 1:10:15Speaker 00

  Could probably wrap it up.

• 1:10:16Matt McCusker?

  Yeah, we're at an hour.

• 1:10:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is a good chill sesh today.

• 1:10:20Matt McCusker?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:21Speaker 00

  No one's, no one really got less uncomfortable the entire show.

• 1:10:25Matt McCusker?

  No, I thought we were for sure.

• 1:10:26Speaker 00

  I thought we were gonna break through.

• 1:10:27Matt McCusker?

  Hey, man, sometimes you don't.

• 1:10:28Speaker 00

  When you're staring out to these, there's fucking ten guys in here. Everyone's just looking at you.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  I know, I didn't like looking over there.

• 1:10:35Speaker 00

  It's uncomfortable, looking at the, everyone's just quietly.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  I keep looking this way.

• 1:10:39Speaker 00

  Look at the interrogation, yeah. Well, good stuff. Matt, I wish you the best in the race.

• 1:10:45Matt McCusker?

  Dude, thank you, man.

• 1:10:45Speaker 00

  You're gonna fucking torch him.

• 1:10:46Matt McCusker?

  Dude, I think I'll do my best, that's all I can do.

• 1:10:48Speaker 00

  And if it turns out you're lying about this hat, and I find out that people were making fun of me for wearing this?

• 1:10:53Matt McCusker?

  It's not my fault.

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  That is definitely your fault, dude.

• 1:10:55Matt McCusker?

  No, it's not.

• 1:10:55Speaker 00

  I would've never worn it.

• 1:10:56Matt McCusker?

  I think it's a good hat on you.

• 1:10:57Speaker 00

  It's going to the bees no matter what, but you broke my heart today.

• 1:11:00Matt McCusker?

  It does have to go to the bees.

• 1:11:01Speaker 00

  Obviously, it's a bees hat.

• 1:11:02Matt McCusker?

  I was giving you a compliment, and I thought about how much the bees would love the hat. Simple, simple and plain.

• 1:11:07Speaker 00

  Simple ass. Alright, Gabriel, do you have anything to tell us?

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  No, appreciate y'all having me on.

• 1:11:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a long time coming.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  It was good, yeah.

• 1:11:26Speaker 05

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• 1:11:56Speaker 06

  Now streaming on Paramount Plus. I'm Dexter Morgan. I've been killing killers for half my life. It gets to you. You're having a midlife crisis. I'm not ready for this. He's back. I'm older, I'm wiser. And sharper than ever. Things are gonna get messy, but if I can't believe in myself, I can't believe in anything. Dexter Resurrection, new season now streaming on the Paramount Plus Premium Plan.