Pod Insights Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Ep 571 - Daddy's Dots About this episode Support the D. A. W. G. Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod
Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates
Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com
Go See Lemaire Lee Live @ https://lemairelee.fun/
hello. Hope you're all having a good week. We have a podcast for you. Just the D. A. W. G. Z. Matt talks about his new Daddy Dot system and Meezy tells all on the paytch this week. So peep that if you wish. Please enjoy. God Bless.
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Transcript 14,852 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Matt McCusker? The Wild Wild West.
0:02 Speaker 01 Hey.
0:03 Matt McCusker? What's up, guys?
0:04 Speaker 01 How are you? You saw what I was up to?
0:06 Matt McCusker? That was awesome.
0:07 Speaker 01 New game, Holdfast. You gotta give them steel, Eddie.
0:12 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that is nice. I like the, I like the musket reload, man.
0:14 Speaker 01 Musket reload's nice, guys screaming. I like the community.
0:18 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
0:18 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? It's a community thing for me.
0:20 Matt McCusker? They should, with the respawn, the community is nice with all the guys going.
0:23 Speaker 01 Till you get an American server.
0:25 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
0:25 Speaker 01 Then they're not saying vive la France, they're saying the N-word.
0:28 Matt McCusker? You gotta report them.
0:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, they say it so much that it gets to the point where I'm sitting here by myself like, come on, guys.
0:35 Matt McCusker? Yeah, guys, this is.
0:36 Speaker 01 I don't like that, dog. It's enough that I'm the one that's like offended. I'm like, god damn. These guys are really actually.
0:43 Matt McCusker? Well, they gotta be, they gotta be.
0:45 Speaker 01 You can hear like kids screaming.
0:46 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they are little kids. There, I saw a thing online where a guy was talking to a kid in a game and he goes, yo, man, um, like you won some like Fortnite skin, let me talk to your mom, I'm gonna like get all the information, put it together. Soon as the mom got on there, he goes, your son just said the N-word to me, and just, just lied, just made it up. And the kid's mom was like, are you using bad language?
1:07 Speaker 01 Damn, that could have got any of us.
1:10 Matt McCusker? Like, no, mom, I wasn't. He's lying. Although his mom was like, were you using bad, were you using naughty language again? Please stop that.
1:21 Matt McCusker? She handled it with like potty mouth energy, like, come on.
1:24 Speaker 01 The N-word is definitely potty mouth.
1:25 Matt McCusker? It's super potty mouth.
1:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:27 Matt McCusker? Super potty mouth stuff, dude. Yeah, it's.
1:29 Speaker 01 So that's what I've been up to.
1:30 Matt McCusker? Just, yeah.
1:31 Speaker 01 Just holding, holding the line, giving them steel. Just sitting in my house by myself, laying on this gal.
1:36 Matt McCusker? That's so fucking sick.
1:37 Speaker 01 Giving them steel.
1:38 Matt McCusker? So fucking sick. I got, I, uh, the highlight of my week so far has definitely been, I got a, um, a thing for my bed that keeps it cold all the time. So I sleep on like a 55 degree pad. It's, dude, it got so cold last night, I got scared. I was like, what if I get pneumonia?
2:00 Speaker 01 It's crazy how scared you get at night.
2:02 Matt McCusker? Ah dude, especially like-
2:03 Speaker 01 I get scared all the time at night.
2:04 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it was crazy.
2:05 Speaker 01 It's pretty embarrassing.
2:06 Matt McCusker? I mean, it's literally the witching hour.
2:08 Speaker 01 It's spooky. I need La Mer, I need you back.
2:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
2:11 Speaker 01 I need you back. When's your lease up? Fuck yeah. I need you in the, in the perimeter.
2:18 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
2:19 Speaker 01 Guarding. The Ring camera is a terrible choice.
2:22 Matt McCusker? Dude, it's, it goes off.
2:24 Speaker 01 It goes off at three in the morning because of fucking possums and shit.
2:26 Matt McCusker? It'll be, there'll be like a box across the street. It's like, you know, we detected live movement. It's like, dude. Those things are so annoying. Are you a part of the Ring community as well?
2:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, they were, every day, somebody on crack is like, why is this helicopter circling? Every single day.
2:41 Matt McCusker? No, no.
2:41 Speaker 01 Helicopter, uh, yesterday the internet went out and I got forty notifications. I had to turn it off.
2:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's really annoying. We, we had one in Philly and I was like, I just took it off my phone. I was like, I don't, whatever. Someone breaks into my house, I'll just, won't solve the crap.
2:55 Speaker 01 Dispatch them with steel. I'll give them steel. I might bayonet somebody.
2:59 Matt McCusker? That would be, yeah, I mean, you, you really can. What states, didn't, it's California, I think. I think California passed it where you can't shoot somebody in your house. Which is kind of, it's the whole point of buying a house.
3:10 Speaker 01 Yeah. Yeah, the whole point is, hopefully you can shoot someone.
3:13 Matt McCusker? Yeah, like, we're fucked. You, you're the lease, you're the leaseholder right now, so you could kill all of us and be like, guys, I told them to get out.
3:19 Speaker 01 Told them.
3:20 Matt McCusker? They didn't.
3:21 Speaker 01 I'd probably bayonet all, all of you.
3:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
3:25 Matt McCusker? Nah, I would jump three times.
3:27 Speaker 01 If you jump, I can't bayonet. All you have to do is stand, you have to move slightly and I cannot bayonet.
3:33 Matt McCusker? It's kind of the move in that game, to stand still and just move a little bit.
3:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:36 Matt McCusker? That was like the cheat in Madden where people would stop, with, and you'd run, run, run, stop. It was like impossible to get the person.
3:43 Speaker 01 Those were the days.
3:44 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that was awesome. Cousin would be Mike Vick and you're like, you're a fucking piece of shit.
3:48 Speaker 01 The energy in here is-
3:50 Matt McCusker? Yeah, what the hell is going on?
3:51 Speaker 01 The Nox Boys are just, is something happening in the news or something that you guys are all?
3:55 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we just-
3:56 Speaker 01 What's going on here?
3:56 Matt McCusker? We did a screen time check. Say, I think we got six hours. Sean wouldn't disclose. Nate got seven.
4:02 Speaker 01 Seven. Seven's a little high.
4:05 Matt McCusker? What were you rocking with?
4:06 Speaker 02 I don't know, I've never looked at it because I'm too ashamed.
4:09 Speaker 01 When I heard you guys talking and alright, I'm good.
4:12 Matt McCusker? Kept it safe.
4:12 Speaker 01 I can, I can feel superior to you.
4:15 Matt McCusker? What was your, what were you rocking with?
4:16 Speaker 01 Uh, I did hit an eight last week. That's a rough one, but typically pretty low.
4:21 Matt McCusker? It's not bad.
4:22 Speaker 01 Not bad.
4:22 Matt McCusker? I thought I was higher.
4:23 Speaker 01 Speaking of screen time, let's add to it. What's going on?
4:25 Matt McCusker? I'm at 235 right now.
4:26 Speaker 01 Check my texts real quick.
4:28 Matt McCusker? Two hours, 35 minutes.
4:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, I got, I've been trying to, like, even watching movies, I have to throw my phone.
4:36 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah.
4:37 Speaker 01 Cause I'll just keep picking it up. The second the movie rolls, I go, let's look at.
4:42 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I, I, one time, the first time I've ever seen somebody do something like that, I was in somebody's, unfortunately, I was in a man's bedroom, but I wasn't having sex and I was selling marijuana, but I was in a man's bedroom and, he was doing TV stereo, he had TV on, was playing music and just hitting the phone all at once. I remember being, this was like years ago, I remember being like, what the fuck?
5:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's terrible.
5:04 Matt McCusker? It was crazy. Just get, you're just getting rocking, man, just firing everything up and just being like, I don't want to think at all. I remember being struck by that, but yeah, the movie, I do the phone while my kids watch TV and I even, even during that, I feel just like a fucking lump. They're, they're just staring at a screen and I'm like dipping out on the couch next to them like.
5:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:25 Matt McCusker? Anytime they look at my screen, I'm like, yo, don't look at that.
5:27 Speaker 01 Don't look at that.
5:28 Matt McCusker? It's fucked up.
5:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:30 Matt McCusker? You'll actually find that very offensive one day.
5:31 Speaker 01 No matter what, no matter what I'm looking at. Yeah, it's either gonna be a girl or it's gonna be a terrorist attack. I watched a guy, a bridge collapsed yesterday in Ukraine.
5:42 Matt McCusker? Oh, no.
5:42 Speaker 01 Terrifying. Just a guy on it.
5:44 Matt McCusker? One guy?
5:45 Speaker 01 He was like welding, yeah. Pretty terrible. He hit the one part, the, the entire thing collapsed and it was like, oh, fuck, it was terrifying.
5:55 Matt McCusker? Dude.
5:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that fucking sucks. I'd like to think, I've, I've ran the drill mentally of like getting out of the car, the bridge collapses, you like pop the thing, swim out, but I feel like you sink really fast.
6:09 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
6:10 Matt McCusker? If you're in a car, first of all, the impact of falling off the bridge in your car and hitting the water has gotta be a rough impact.
6:15 Speaker 01 If you're, yeah, if you're in your car, that'll be tough.
6:18 Matt McCusker? You're done.
6:19 Speaker 01 I think you're done.
6:20 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I don't like.
6:20 Speaker 01 Bridge collapse, you're, you're dead.
6:22 Matt McCusker? Just from debris alone.
6:23 Speaker 01 Debris is gonna land on you, you're gonna, yeah.
6:25 Matt McCusker? Yeah, but then you're gonna.
6:25 Speaker 01 It depends how high the bridge, you're probably just gonna die.
6:29 Speaker 01 What type of bridge are we talking?
6:30 Matt McCusker? We'll go like.
6:31 Speaker 01 We're talking crossing the mighty Susquehanna?
6:34 Matt McCusker? Susquehanna alone would fucking carry you, bro.
6:36 Speaker 01 Susquehanna is a little shallow.
6:37 Matt McCusker? Is it really?
6:38 Speaker 01 It's a shallow river. I mean, I'm sure there's deep parts, but yeah, you'd hit some rocks. That'd be a negative, negative time.
6:44 Matt McCusker? Then you gotta swim out of like a.
6:45 Speaker 01 But that's a new bridge. The Terrapack's putting together some great bridges.
6:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they're, yeah. Pennsylvania taxpayers. If I was a Pennsylvania taxpayer, I'd be happy as hell.
6:53 Speaker 01 I'd be happy as hell with the, the bridges. Potholes not a great. But yeah, I love, love the Terrapack.
7:00 Matt McCusker? What's going on with this country's infrastructure? Are we gonna build some fucking roads or what?
7:03 Speaker 01 I, I feel like they're building roads every single place I've ever been.
7:06 Matt McCusker? Dude, it's not a stop.
7:07 Speaker 01 And they're not done.
7:09 Matt McCusker? No, they'll never be done. They're fucking, they're literally, they're everywhere.
7:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:13 Matt McCusker? They're shutting down like the highway near my house for like five years.
7:17 Speaker 01 Should've been a boom.
7:19 Matt McCusker? Yo.
7:19 Speaker 01 You know?
7:20 Matt McCusker? Where the fuck were the roads?
7:21 Speaker 01 A boom?
7:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah, a boon, it's a boon.
7:23 Speaker 01 Should've been a boom.
7:25 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we should've came back from COVID.
7:26 Speaker 01 If you listen closely that I, I, I hedged my bet there a little. Cause I wasn't sure if it was a boomer, boon, so I was like, it's boom.
7:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, it should've been the infrastructure boom.
7:39 Matt McCusker? It really should've been, man.
7:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:40 Matt McCusker? Let's get, let's get a.
7:41 Speaker 01 I don't know if they did that. Did they do that when everybody was chilling?
7:43 Matt McCusker? No, everyone, nobody did anything. They fired everybody. They fired everybody. No one, people had no choice other than to fucking pop their wives. Or pop their wives. Hey, you get unemployed long enough, dude. After like three days, you start getting the itch. You go, I wanna fucking.
7:58 Speaker 01 You go, I've been hanging out there way too long. Let's, uh, let's break up this one too.
8:03 Matt McCusker? It is a sad fact about humanity that if you like lose your job, it's just a matter of time.
8:08 Speaker 01 Yep.
8:08 Matt McCusker? You're gonna fucking just.
8:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, cause you're embarrassed, you're ashamed.
8:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
8:15 Speaker 01 She starts going, you're pathetic. You go, oh my God, you say that before the fight.
8:20 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that would stink.
8:21 Speaker 01 Talk to me after the, the bell rings, you know?
8:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
8:24 Speaker 01 Hit the fucking Khabib. Now we talk. We talk now.
8:30 Matt McCusker? I mean, they were just hyping up the fight.
8:31 Speaker 01 They're trying to sell some tickets.
8:32 Matt McCusker? That's the pre-fight. That's the pre-fight match.
8:34 Speaker 01 They're gonna hit the McGregor. They're gonna go, "It's just business, man." And you're gonna go, "No, now we talk." This episode is brought to you by Universal Pictures' Nobody 2. A couple of years, a couple of years ago, Bob Odenkirk showed up out of nowhere as an action star in Nobody. Now he's back in the sequel, Nobody 2. Holy cow. This time, Hutch tries to go on vacation with his family, and all hell breaks loose. It's a real delight to see a guy like Odenkirk kick some serious ass. Jesus. Produced by 87 North, the same team behind hits like John Wick, Bullet Train, and The Fall Guy. Uh, don't miss Universal Pictures' Nobody 2, only in theaters August 15th.
9:16 Matt McCusker? Nice.
9:17 Speaker 01 You ever see Nobody?
9:18 Matt McCusker? No.
9:18 Speaker 01 It's really good.
9:19 Matt McCusker? I gotta check it out.
9:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, you'll like it. It's a fun one. It's a fun little flick.
9:25 Matt McCusker? I gotta check it out for sure.
9:26 Speaker 01 We gotta check it out.
9:27 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I, uh, I don't know.
9:28 Speaker 01 I wonder if those Dagestani's ever put hands on their women?
9:31 Matt McCusker? Yes, yes.
9:33 Speaker 01 They probably don't strike. They probably just go straight to the ground, dude. Boring ass woman. Goes five rounds. They just wear them out.
9:40 Matt McCusker? Their neighbors are like, "Oh, come on, man. This is boring."
9:43 Speaker 01 Stand up.
9:44 Matt McCusker? It's just boring, man.
9:45 Speaker 01 Standing bang. Yeah, but those Dagestani's just wrestle the shit out of their women.
9:52 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I just feel like, yeah, you can just tell.
9:56 Speaker 01 What, those guys?
9:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dude.
9:58 Speaker 01 I don't, I don't think they hit the right.
9:59 Matt McCusker? That face.
10:00 Speaker 01 That face, I think.
10:01 Matt McCusker? You think they're going like, "Babe, I see where you're coming from."
10:04 Speaker 01 I think their women know.
10:05 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
10:06 Speaker 01 That guy's, he's gonna get you.
10:10 Matt McCusker? They probably have like entrance music.
10:11 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, true.
10:14 Speaker 01 Are the Dagestani babes' faces covered? I don't think.
10:18 Speaker 02 They're, they're pretty devout Muslims, so I, I assumed they would be.
10:22 Matt McCusker? Uh, yeah, good point.
10:23 Speaker 02 But the eyes, you could still catch a black eye.
10:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, you can catch a little condescending glance.
10:27 Matt McCusker? That's what I'm saying. Or you just see that fucking, you know, shredder flap just moving. You know they're talking shit, and you're like, "What did you say?"
10:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:35 Matt McCusker? "What did you say?"
10:35 Speaker 01 "Now we talk."
10:36 Matt McCusker? "Nothing."
10:37 Speaker 01 Uh, smash you.
10:38 Matt McCusker? Smash.
10:40 Matt McCusker? Dude, I read something recently. I'll be honest, I was trying to figure out if there was a historical record of Europeans first encountering Chinese and Japanese people. Like, what was their general impression? If they've never seen them before. Like, my, my honest question was like, is there historical records of them being like, dude, it was hilarious? Yeah, dude, yeah, they talked about polo.
11:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, you can get some, especially the Jesuits going to like Japan.
11:07 Matt McCusker? Yeah. Dude, the Japanese were fucking wild.
11:09 Speaker 01 Rocking those dudes.
11:11 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they were just, they carried swords. Yeah, they were, they were like, but they apparently, they were super, the, uh, the Japanese were like super curious, especially about religious stuff. And that's what kind of got them. Cause they would like fuck people up, but the missionaries came through.
11:24 Speaker 01 The missionaries came through and got tortured for like 400 years.
11:27 Matt McCusker? They got bucked, for sure.
11:28 Speaker 01 And then eventually, I think it was the Dutch that started being able to trade. There were, cause it was a, no one was allowed to trade there.
11:35 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
11:35 Speaker 01 And then the Dutch started being like, come on, guys.
11:38 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
11:38 Speaker 01 Come on.
11:38 Matt McCusker? Come on, let us, let us.
11:39 Speaker 01 We're chill, let us have one port.
11:41 Matt McCusker? We're cute, the Dutch, why do they get away from like, cause every other European country, it's, I mean, it's obviously well documented, they were bad boys, but like.
11:47 Speaker 01 Dutch were real bad, man.
11:49 Matt McCusker? They were bad, man, dude.
11:50 Speaker 01 Crazy, they got India, Japan.
11:52 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
11:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, they got.
11:53 Matt McCusker? Everyone always talks about Britain, you know, you don't really hear about like the Dutch.
11:57 Speaker 01 Deutsches. Dutch went wild.
11:59 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they were fucking, but then they got back to Amsterdam, we're like, yo, brother, we're just chilling, man. Chilling, man.
12:06 Speaker 01 What was their fucking, the province, fuck, I forget what they were called.
12:08 Matt McCusker? Didn't they have the Dutch trading?
12:09 Speaker 01 It wasn't Holland, yeah, it was the Dutch East Indies.
12:12 Matt McCusker? Dang.
12:13 Speaker 01 Dutch.
12:13 Matt McCusker? Well, they came out with those, they came out with those blunts and just cashed in.
12:18 Speaker 01 Dutch masters, yeah.
12:21 Matt McCusker? Like, yo, we're good.
12:22 Speaker 01 Why am I forgetting their name? The name of the country. It wasn't Holland or Netherlands, it was a.
12:27 Matt McCusker? What?
12:28 Speaker 01 Pro- province, some bullshit.
12:34 Matt McCusker? I don't know. Oh, they had like a Prussia pre-country kind of thing? Hey, what the fire? I didn't even know that, to be honest.
12:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, they were going wild.
12:42 Matt McCusker? Huh?
12:44 Speaker 01 That's one of them, but uh, whatever.
12:48 Speaker 01 It's okay. Don't be sorry, bud.
12:49 Matt McCusker? OG Dutch.
12:50 Speaker 01 There's nothing we can do about it. I'm just going off of...
12:54 Speaker 01 Nope, but that's okay. We'll figure it out someday.
12:57 Matt McCusker? You know what's crazy? So I was, I was reading, so I did grok that question. I did want to see if European dudes just like, went to China and just at first were like, just a little, just a little bit. It's like, cause I was trying to, I feel like it is funny. Like, I'm not even being mean. It's like, it's funny. The first time to never hear like a hardcore, like straight from Chinese or straight from China, Chinese guy talk. If you've never seen that before, I was wondering like, is it inherently funny or you know, am I a jerk? Cause I would make in the argument like it is kind of inherently funny.
13:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:27 Matt McCusker? It just is. Like it makes me laugh.
13:29 Speaker 01 That's fair.
13:30 Matt McCusker? Yeah. Just seeing like an old Asian dude like move around or like yell, it's, it's funny.
13:34 Speaker 01 I think they were doing, I don't know. I don't know how funny it would be because I think they were doing their own thing. The thing that makes it funny is when they're acting Western.
13:40 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I guess you're right.
13:42 Speaker 01 Kind of doing it wrong.
13:44 Matt McCusker? Yes. I think you're a hundred percent right.
13:46 Speaker 01 You're wearing a business suit to like jog.
13:49 Speaker 01 You're just slightly off. There's something funny about it.
13:53 Matt McCusker? That's exactly what it is. Cause they were, it was, they were just purely impressed. They were like, yo, these dudes are fucking legit. They went over there and they're like, the weird thing though, so the Chinese apparently were like, if you visited, they were like super hospitable. Japanese weren't very hospitable. I guess at first Chinese were super hospitable. And they would even be like, yo, if my, if my wife thinks you're hot, you can fuck my wife, but I gotta run, I gotta make sure she's cool with it. So if you like were a house guest, they'd be like, you can fuck my wife. Just like, I gotta make sure she's down with it.
14:21 Speaker 01 China might not be asshole.
14:23 Matt McCusker? China's not asshole, dude.
14:24 Speaker 01 China, I think we're getting propaganda. China's not asshole.
14:28 Matt McCusker? That is, then it's like, when was Marco Polo? What, like?
14:31 Speaker 01 I don't even, fifteen?
14:34 Matt McCusker? Fifteen hundreds? Yeah. Marco Polo went over there with his boys and apparently they were just like, yo, do your thing.
14:41 Speaker 01 Thirteen, yeah.
14:43 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we were.
14:44 Speaker 01 That was Mongolians.
14:46 Matt McCusker? Yes, it was apparently it was a Mongolian custom that the Chinese had adopted. Mongolians are freaky.
14:51 Speaker 01 Mongolians are freak balls. They're even the last guys you wanna see, dude. Freaky ass balls.
14:56 Matt McCusker? Which is funny, that was like, that was an accepted custom at the time, like, oh dude, yeah, here's some, here's some food and also.
15:01 Speaker 01 Also, you want a little pussy?
15:02 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
15:04 Speaker 01 Hey, you're horny also, I got some pussy here.
15:06 Matt McCusker? It'd be rude of me not to have you empty the sack. It's just crazy though.
15:10 Speaker 01 I want you to be able to sleep comfortably. You can't go to sleep with a full sack, come on, man. Plow my wife.
15:18 Matt McCusker? Plow my wife, please.
15:19 Speaker 01 Plow my wife. Plow my wife, hey.
15:22 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that was fucking wild, man. Cause I was like, what if, like, you know, cause obviously the Europeans did kinda dominate culture pretty hard. But it's like, man, if it went the other way. What if China dominated us and we all had to cuck out just to be, you know, nice, to be nice? I don't say cuck, you know, I say it more like the ultimate host kinda way.
15:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:42 Matt McCusker? Super host Airbnb.
15:47 Matt McCusker? Four point two stars, wife's pussy was kinda trash. Backpack, back patio was kinda cool though. Walls were thin as hell, made out of fucking paper.
15:58 Speaker 01 Fell through the wall in the middle of the night.
16:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's.
16:01 Speaker 01 Just walked right through it, hammered, kool-aided into their fucking bedroom.
16:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they were thin walls, so you'd be like, alright, thanks, and you would plow the dude's wife behind a piece of construction paper.
16:11 Speaker 01 That's why they're quiet. That's why they're so quiet, they're just generations of like, hey, man, fuck that guy.
16:19 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
16:20 Speaker 01 Fuck that guy.
16:21 Matt McCusker? Man, that is so, that is just like, for real, I was like reading that, I'm like, that is so nice. To be like, you know, man, you've, you got, how long was your, how long was your, a bunch of guy, you were on a boat with a bunch of guys for six months?
16:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, dude.
16:33 Matt McCusker? Come on.
16:35 Speaker 01 It's time.
16:35 Matt McCusker? Plowing my wife. But then it'd be crazy if he'd be like, let me check. And the wife's like, I'm not plowing that dude. You'd have to come out to him and be like,
16:41 Speaker 01 Bro.
16:42 Matt McCusker? My wife's not really feeling any dude.
16:43 Speaker 01 Bad news. She's tired again.
16:45 Matt McCusker? I got bad news.
16:46 Speaker 01 Sure, stomach's upset.
16:47 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.
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17:26 Speaker 01 Incredible.
17:28 Matt McCusker? But I think back, I feel like in, and this is just from reading Shogun, this is, I'm jumping to Japan now. I feel like being a prostitute back then was like somewhat respected. It was like a world, it was called the Willow World. It was like, you were like, you were just totally dedicated to like pleasures. And it was like, it was like a whorehouse was like a magical place. You'd be like, it's time for me to go over there.
17:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, they always write like that.
17:50 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
17:50 Speaker 01 I've seen a lot of those things where it was like, oh, the brothel, what a glorious, it's like, that must've been a fucking shithole.
17:56 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah, well.
17:56 Speaker 01 Must've been disgusting.
17:57 Matt McCusker? No, they were clean. They were super, super clean, dude. They, it was funny, according to European standards, they're like, dude, they're taking like five baths.
18:05 Speaker 01 Standards were crazy.
18:06 Matt McCusker? They were like, the Chinese take like six baths a month, or six baths a month. These guys are the cleanest guys we know.
18:12 Speaker 01 There was like a king that took like three baths in a year and everyone in England was like, this fucking pussy. He thinks he's better than us. He took like three.
18:21 Matt McCusker? He was so metro.
18:22 Speaker 01 He was metro. They probably killed him, like, oh, my, fuck.
18:27 Speaker 01 I've been battling for America on the, uh, hold fast.
18:31 Matt McCusker? Really?
18:32 Speaker 01 The British don't like us.
18:34 Matt McCusker? What the fuck?
18:34 Speaker 01 On video games, everybody hates everybody. So everyone just.
18:37 Matt McCusker? Fair.
18:37 Speaker 01 You get some USA chants going with all the other Americans. It's very funny.
18:40 Matt McCusker? So what's, what's the war?
18:42 Speaker 01 The thing they're getting us on now is Epstein. And that hurts dude, getting called like.
18:47 Matt McCusker? Oh, well, what about?
18:48 Speaker 01 Your whole country's pedophiles. I know. I was tossing some of them in.
18:50 Matt McCusker? What about Prince Andrew, bro?
18:51 Speaker 01 Said Prince Andrew, was it Bat, Bat, Mount Batten?
18:55 Matt McCusker? Who's that guy?
18:55 Speaker 01 Isn't that the guy's name? The IRA blew him up and I think he was a pedophile.
19:00 Matt McCusker? Their, their country is literally run by pedophiles, dude. Looking into the royal family.
19:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, but when you're screaming into a headset.
19:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah, you don't have time.
19:07 Speaker 01 Nobody's taking time to fucking.
19:08 Matt McCusker? Hold on guys, hold on guys. This is, I feel like you're maligning my country right now.
19:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:13 Matt McCusker? Dude, I was, speaking of, uh, the political debates, I watched Dave Smith's recent debate with this guy from the New York Times.
19:21 Speaker 01 How'd it go?
19:21 Matt McCusker? It's the funniest, I, it's might be the funniest video I've ever seen in my life.
19:25 Speaker 01 Times is probably not ready for.
19:27 Matt McCusker? It's an ex New York Times guy and it's like, he comes off, right off the bat, he comes out hot. He's like, yeah, dude, he calls Dave Smith a Holocaust denier. Dave Smith actually, he actually denies that. He denies the Holocaust. So he's a Holocaust denier denier.
19:41 Speaker 01 Nice.
19:41 Matt McCusker? So he comes out and he's like, no, why did I say that? And he brought up a clip from 10 years ago of him with, with, doesn't look great, Richard Spencer.
19:50 Matt McCusker? 10 years ago and Dave is talking to him and he jokingly, he does a joke. He obviously says it like, you know, the fun way, being like, well, that didn't happen as a joke.
19:59 Speaker 01 Sometimes people make that joke.
20:01 Matt McCusker? It's funny.
20:02 Speaker 01 It's a funny joke.
20:02 Matt McCusker? It's a funny joke.
20:03 Speaker 01 That's a fuck.
20:04 Matt McCusker? When you're with your friend.
20:05 Speaker 01 It's gotta run its course though.
20:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah, you can't, well, now it's popular.
20:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, people are really hitting that joke.
20:10 Matt McCusker? Yes.
20:10 Speaker 01 Yep.
20:11 Matt McCusker? Yeah, you can, you can get a nice little, uh, to anyone, I, I hear, a lot of people ask me like, you know, what can I do for my podcast? It's like, honestly, if you want to get numbers quick. Look into some alternative history.
20:24 Speaker 01 Some alternative history going.
20:25 Matt McCusker? Next time a host asks me in a comedy club, like, yo, like, you have any advice? Like, bro, look into it.
20:30 Speaker 01 Look into LIDAR.
20:33 Speaker 01 Look into wooden doors. Base your personality around that.
20:36 Matt McCusker? All right, buy a fuck ton of bitcoins, they're gonna take your cat away. But then, but yeah, he was just like, Dave got, he bullied him, like, very, it was, it was hard to watch. Cause he just bullied this man so hard and then it devolved to the point where they started calling each other names. Like they're gonna fight. It was so fucking funny.
21:00 Speaker 01 The failing New York Times was mad?
21:01 Matt McCusker? Failing New York Times hit him with, the libs love this. They go, you're a little man. They hit him with little man. And then Dave hit him with an alt-right attack, which is.
21:10 Speaker 01 You're wow, wow. Wes.
21:14 Speaker 01 Damn, they really went for it.
21:15 Matt McCusker? They went nuts, dude.
21:16 Speaker 01 That is funny, the libs, the libs love hitting that.
21:19 Matt McCusker? You're a little man, you're a sad little man.
21:21 Speaker 01 Small dick and you're fucking gay. And you're like, hold on a second, isn't that?
21:25 Matt McCusker? Yeah, what the fuck?
21:25 Speaker 01 Everything you don't, you know?
21:27 Matt McCusker? I know, they do, they, yeah. They love nothing more than talking about closeted Republicans. Gay Republicans are like, you guys are all gay and you wanna suck our little dicks.
21:36 Speaker 01 Those closeted Republicans are.
21:38 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they're hilarious.
21:39 Speaker 01 They're great.
21:40 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we gotta let them be, yeah. We gotta let them be gay.
21:43 Speaker 01 Let the boys be gay. They can't, they gotta be like fake Christians.
21:46 Matt McCusker? I know.
21:47 Speaker 01 It's like, bro, just suck the dick. You love it. You love it.
21:51 Matt McCusker? Also, they're more powerful. Once Republicans are like, yeah, I'm sucking dick, now the left goes, ah shit, fuck. Cause then you can make all the points. You can go, bro.
22:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, we need to go to war.
22:02 Matt McCusker? If you're a political science major, the first thing you should do, if you're a Republican political science major, you should be in college sucking as many dicks as possible. So that you can wipe the floor with people in the, on the monk debates.
22:13 Speaker 01 I was genuinely talking to my agent yesterday and I was like, dude, I think I might just turn gay.
22:18 Matt McCusker? Yes.
22:19 Speaker 01 It's like, once these tickets start drying up, I'm fucking hitting the switch. We're gonna be fucking rich.
22:27 Speaker 01 I'm gay as hell now.
22:28 Matt McCusker? You can come back too, like Lil Nas X I think came back. He got the gay bag and came back and was like, nah.
22:33 Speaker 01 He's not gay now?
22:34 Matt McCusker? I don't think he's gay no mo.
22:35 Speaker 01 There's no coming back from that dude.
22:37 Matt McCusker? No, he's, yeah, he sucked the devil's dick, then he had a baby.
22:40 Speaker 02 He had a baby?
22:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, he had a baby like a couple, maybe like last year.
22:43 Speaker 01 Is it Lil Lil Nas X?
22:45 Matt McCusker? It was like the little sparkly troll, it's like, hold me daddy.
22:49 Speaker 01 Wait, he's a kid?
22:50 Matt McCusker? That's a troll's deep cut.
22:54 Speaker 01 All my friends with kids just have the dick is kids movie references.
22:58 Matt McCusker? Can you look up, can you look up the glitter troll, Sean?
23:05 Speaker 03 That's lies, I seen it on Twitter.
23:11 Matt McCusker? Oh, well, maybe we'll, you know, maybe we'll get a clear answer on that. Sean saying.
23:16 Speaker 03 Oh, he was pregnant.
23:18 Matt McCusker? Wait, Lil Nas X was pregnant?
23:22 Speaker 03 It was a picture of him pregnant on the cover of his album.
23:25 Speaker 01 And that was what made you think he had a kid?
23:27 Speaker 03 I, yes.
23:30 Matt McCusker? Wait, fuck, man. Lemare, the reputation of this podcast hangs upon the information you provide us.
23:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, you guys are supposed to give us good info.
23:38 Matt McCusker? But if you're saying Lil Nas X was pregnant, I believe you.
23:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, the devil works in mysterious ways. Gave the devil head and then got pregnant.
23:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah, but I feel like he walked it back and is, he was saying like he likes girls too, maybe?
23:52 Speaker 02 Uh, I'm gonna, I'm.
23:54 Matt McCusker? I swear to, I remember this. Or maybe I was just hoping.
24:00 Speaker 01 He does have some great songs.
24:01 Matt McCusker? He's, yeah, Lil Nas X fucking rules, hitting dude. He's bisexual now.
24:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, you're clearly gay.
24:10 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I wonder, man. I don't, yeah, I guess he, yeah, I guess he's, he came across gay as can be, I'm surprised he's like.
24:18 Speaker 01 Didn't, uh, what's his name do that too? Who's the gay, uh, British guy? Blonde hair.
24:26 Speaker 01 Politician, uh, political guy.
24:27 Speaker 02 Milo.
24:28 Speaker 01 Milo.
24:28 Matt McCusker? Milo, yes. Milo had some wild accusations. He was saying he sugged somebody of high profile. Someone of high profile said something. He goes, yeah, that's why I remember I sugged you.
24:39 Speaker 01 Damn.
24:39 Matt McCusker? It was an actor, actually. Now I remember. It was, it was like a very high ranking actor guy.
24:43 Speaker 01 What? And he was trying to talk shit on Milo? He was saying, he was just, he was just- I gave you head.
24:47 Matt McCusker? Yeah, basically. Oh dude, it was Toby, he claims he sucked Toby Maguire's dick.
24:52 Speaker 02 Oh.
24:53 Matt McCusker? He claims he sugged Toby-
24:54 Speaker 01 No way, he sucked Toby.
24:56 Matt McCusker? Yeah, he claimed, Toby was saying something and Milo, I think, came out of nowhere. I was like, yeah, that's why I sugged yo motherf-
25:00 Speaker 01 Oh no.
25:01 Matt McCusker? That's why I sugged yo dick, motherfucker. And it was like, take money.
25:05 Speaker 01 It's a good comeback.
25:07 Matt McCusker? That's tough, man. I mean, yeah, what a fucking, hey, I don't know why, I'm not saying I believe it. I don't know what happened, but-
25:15 Speaker 02 Allegedly.
25:15 Matt McCusker? That hurts, bro.
25:17 Speaker 01 I feel like Toby's a pussy getting fellow.
25:19 Speaker 02 He was in the pussy posse.
25:21 Speaker 01 He was in the pussy posse.
25:22 Matt McCusker? Although, like I said, dude-
25:23 Speaker 01 David Blaine, Q-Tip, was it DiCaprio and Toby?
25:26 Speaker 02 It was another hunk, yeah, I don't know. Maybe DiCaprio.
25:30 Speaker 01 I think it was DiCaprio, Toby, David Blaine and Q-Tip.
25:34 Matt McCusker? They were the pussy squad?
25:35 Speaker 01 They called themselves the pussy posse.
25:36 Matt McCusker? What?
25:37 Speaker 01 They would go out and get pussy.
25:40 Matt McCusker? Damn, they were doing, they were like-
25:41 Speaker 01 It was probably so cool in the nineties, early two thousands to be like, yo, we're the pussy posse.
25:45 Matt McCusker? Pussy posse, so, although, here's the thing, it's like-
25:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, Leo.
25:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they're big time celebrities, so it's like, they're clearly getting pussy.
25:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:52 Matt McCusker? The fact that you're setting up the posse is like-
25:54 Speaker 01 And you got a magician in the squad?
25:56 Matt McCusker? That's tough.
25:57 Speaker 01 It's pussy time.
25:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
25:58 Speaker 01 He's gonna, yeah, he's gonna confuse the hoes. He's gonna hit them with a spell of confusion.
26:03 Matt McCusker? I still get, I still get mystery videos on, you remember Mystery from the Pickup Artist on VH1? He's still doing like seminars and shit. We should get him on the pod. He's nice.
26:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, that'd be nice.
26:13 Matt McCusker? Talks about like breaking into sets.
26:15 Speaker 01 What set?
26:16 Matt McCusker? A set is just like a group of girls.
26:17 Speaker 01 A group of girls.
26:18 Matt McCusker? Yeah, like how would you, if you, if you saw a set, how would you approach the set?
26:22 Speaker 01 I don't know, that's, I, I don't approach the set.
26:24 Matt McCusker? You wouldn't approach the set?
26:25 Speaker 01 I have, I, I hold the set. I hold the frame, yes.
26:28 Matt McCusker? Mystery would agree with that.
26:29 Speaker 01 Oh, nice.
26:30 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's, you definitely, you don't, what he was saying is, you don't go up and say,
26:34 Speaker 01 I'll probably flash.
26:35 Matt McCusker? Excuse me?
26:35 Speaker 01 Clear, flashbang. Probably breach the door, quick flashbang, grab one of them. Zip ties.
26:44 Matt McCusker? If that's your frame, I'm not gonna hate your frame, that's your frame, that's a strong frame.
26:47 Speaker 01 The five of us could easily do that, dude, I need you guys to stack the, stack the door, twos on each side. Maybe a battering ram, yeah, we should bring a ram to the club.
26:55 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
26:56 Speaker 01 Just in case they wanna, just in case they wanna lock a door.
26:58 Matt McCusker? Kick the door, have the party ball?
27:00 Speaker 01 Just in case they lock the, breach that, yeah.
27:04 Matt McCusker? I'll come in the back with the party ball and just fucking shh, hit them in the mouth?
27:09 Matt McCusker? Remember party balls? Dude, they were the sick, I remember going to like my brother's college party, like, we have a party ball, and I'd be like, yo.
27:16 Speaker 01 Dude, that's so much worse than a keg, but for some reason, so cool.
27:19 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's like, it's like two cases of beer. In a tiny little ball, they were fucking sick, though.
27:23 Speaker 01 They were sick.
27:24 Matt McCusker? But yeah, he said you should never, if, if you're approaching a set, you wanna break into the set, you'd never lead with like, hey, excuse me, I'm sorry, he goes, why are you excusing yourself? And what are you sorry for? You'd never, you just, you walk up and you say, I'm here to talk to you now. I gotta, like, I, I, I'm not denying the guy.
27:44 Speaker 01 Are all just, you just have to be autistic?
27:47 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
27:47 Speaker 01 I'm here. I'm not sorry about anything, I'd like to talk to you.
27:50 Matt McCusker? Yes, you have to call.
27:51 Speaker 01 Fucking crazy.
27:52 Matt McCusker? Or, but you can't be wanting anything.
27:53 Speaker 01 I'd give him steel, laddie, if he came over.
27:56 Matt McCusker? You'd what?
27:56 Speaker 01 I'd fix the bayonet. If I saw a guy do that, I'd go, ah, fucking, fucking George. Vive la France.
28:04 Matt McCusker? It's all about not wanting anything, you have to come from a place of abundance and just walk up and be like, yo, the energy is just crazy in here, then just like walk away, very mysterious, walk away.
28:16 Matt McCusker? Turn around and be like, don't you wish you could hang out with me? And just like walk away.
28:20 Speaker 01 Just go sit, stand a couple of feet away. And go, alright, it's time to go back in. Dude, the energy is crazy, right?
28:27 Matt McCusker? You gotta go join your four other boys dressed like a pirate of the Caribbean and just wait for the babes to come over.
28:30 Speaker 01 They are the pirates.
28:31 Matt McCusker? Dude, for real.
28:32 Speaker 01 They just wait, dude.
28:33 Matt McCusker? He was, dude, he was like the, I think he was like the granddaddy of peacocking. That's where it all came from.
28:38 Speaker 01 That's where Gerby's got it.
28:39 Matt McCusker? Yeah. You just come up and you, you know, you break, then you bounce the set to like-
28:43 Speaker 01 That has to be the most embarrassing phase to have gone through. Like Gerby's trying to peacock.
28:48 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
28:48 Speaker 01 Is the most embarrassing thing I've heard any of our friends do.
28:53 Matt McCusker? Stuff.
28:54 Speaker 01 Like getting a big belt buckle? That's what he did. He went out and got a like big belt buckle to try to peacock.
29:00 Matt McCusker? Did you ever, when you were in college or like younger, tried to play the, did you ever try to play the numbers game?
29:05 Speaker 01 What's that?
29:06 Matt McCusker? Where you just tried to talk to as many women as possible.
29:08 Speaker 01 No, I've never, I've never really, uh, just cold called the babes.
29:12 Matt McCusker? I've cold called the babes.
29:13 Speaker 01 I've never cold called, ever.
29:14 Matt McCusker? I've done it. You get like nine shots and you just start walking up like, hey.
29:19 Speaker 01 Actually, I probably have and just don't, I guarantee you I have and just don't remember. I've just been hammered about, should we kiss? Ew, yeah, whatever, bitch.
29:30 Matt McCusker? Cause I remember like getting, waking up, just like semi blacked out and having like new numbers and just no idea what these people looked like. And like, hey, what's going on? It's never went anywhere. Yeah. Yo, that was really fun last night. We should chill.
29:42 Speaker 01 The vibes in here were crazy.
29:44 Matt McCusker? Vibes are fun. The energy was nuts. I'm coming from a place of, I'm texting you from abundance right now. I'm not desperate to kiss you. Yeah, that, uh, that's gotta be, I feel like for young guys now, it's tough.
29:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:00 Matt McCusker? I, I still feel like, in terms of making the approach.
30:04 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah. The, the rules have changed.
30:06 Matt McCusker? The rules have certainly changed.
30:07 Speaker 01 We went through a societal shift and you're not allowed to, the approach is terrifying approach.
30:13 Matt McCusker? At the bar, I think, I still think the move is to like, and I, I've seen people do this out and maybe it's just me, but I feel like you have to look like you're having more fun than you're actually having. And try to attract the babes that way by having like the ultimate like high fives. And I, I remember doing this like semi consciously in college being like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And be like, fuck. They don't, they don't, they don't think we're having that much fun.
30:36 Speaker 01 This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dude Wipes.
30:42 Matt McCusker? Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time.
30:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, every single time.
30:46 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I did it all week.
30:47 Speaker 01 It's a fucking disaster.
30:48 Matt McCusker? I left a, I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning.
30:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:51 Matt McCusker? It was crazy.
30:52 Speaker 01 There's nothing wrong with that.
30:53 Matt McCusker? No, it was, it felt great.
30:56 Speaker 01 Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?
31:01 Matt McCusker? Pretty much an extra pair per day.
31:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I always bring extra underwear, yeah.
31:04 Matt McCusker? Yeah, yes.
31:04 Speaker 01 Not because I'm fucking shitting my pants constantly.
31:07 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I used to probably work it out.
31:08 Speaker 01 How the fuck are you guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on, dude? How horny are these people? What do they want to know?
31:18 Matt McCusker? There's got to be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a stand-up wiper, honestly. Sitting down, I just smears everything. I don't know, I can't do it.
31:25 Speaker 01 Uh, well, Matt, whichever way you wipe, it's time to show your B-hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss, and the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra-large and designed for adults. So no, uh, so no more endless rolls or settling for a less-than-perfect wipe. Dude Wipes: Best Clean Pants Down. Available, these guys are really funny. Amazon, uh, it's available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.
31:56 Matt McCusker? Guys, August 16th, it's coming up. It's next week, it's huge.
32:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's huge. Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan. August 16th, it's gonna be big.
32:07 Matt McCusker? And then take, fly back to Atlantic City after that. Fly right back to Atlantic City. Ovation Hall, Ocean Casino Resort.
32:15 Speaker 01 I wouldn't go to that, I would go to Grand Rapids.
32:19 Speaker 01 No, that's good, Ocean's gonna be nuts.
32:21 Matt McCusker? Ocean's will be sick.
32:21 Speaker 01 And this is gonna be before or after the race?
32:24 Matt McCusker? After.
32:24 Speaker 01 Oh, nice.
32:25 Matt McCusker? Maybe the last night.
32:26 Speaker 01 You get to talk about the race on the, that's gonna be, yeah, that's gonna be a big one.
32:29 Matt McCusker? I didn't even think about that. Ooh, I better, the whole time I run, I'm gonna try to get a nice five minutes out of the run.
32:34 Speaker 01 You definitely will.
32:35 Matt McCusker? It'll be nice. It's all, it's, it's slated to sell out. It, it might not, we'll see.
32:40 Speaker 01 That'll sell out.
32:41 Matt McCusker? It's very close, it's close, it's close.
32:42 Speaker 01 That thing's gonna sell out in a heartbeat.
32:43 Matt McCusker? I hope it will, I think it will. And, you know, even if it doesn't, we're all gonna have a good time. Guys, 8 o'clock PM, Atlantic City, New Jersey, August 16th. Go to, where, where'd you say you're playing?
32:53 Speaker 01 Oh, at 8 PM, Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
32:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
33:01 Speaker 01 It's not as good.
33:03 Matt McCusker? I was gonna do the Atlantic City Arena, but I was like, you know what?
33:06 Speaker 01 You know what? I'm not gonna do that to my fans.
33:11 Matt McCusker? Whenever you go to everyone you want, I don't even care.
33:12 Speaker 01 Uh, August 15th, Little Caesars in Detroit, 16th Grand Rapids, 23rd Milwaukee. Milliwaki, and then, oh, nevermind, September 6th, Notre Dame Stadium.
33:24 Matt McCusker? That'd be sick.
33:25 Speaker 01 That's gonna be a bomb and a half. That's gonna be so bad, but I'm just gonna be happy to be there.
33:32 Matt McCusker? That'll be tight.
33:33 Speaker 01 It'll be really uncomfortable, but.
33:34 Matt McCusker? That's actually, yeah, now that you say that, that's actually amazing to perform at the stadium. You're gonna wear pads, you should wear pads, bro.
33:41 Speaker 01 I'm gonna, I'm gonna be at Notre Dame this weekend, or tomorrow. I go to Notre Dame tomorrow.
33:45 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:46 Speaker 01 Strap the pads on, line them up.
33:49 Matt McCusker? You should wear them for your set. If you came out in pads, dude, and slowly fucking took them off.
33:53 Speaker 01 Took the pads off, just wore football pants, sleeveless underarm.
33:59 Matt McCusker? Put a locker room bench on stage and just sit on it every now and again.
34:01 Speaker 01 Guys, dude, this is what it's all about. The house that Rockney built. Uh, alright, go see our shows. August 16th in.
34:10 Matt McCusker? Whatever you wanna do.
34:11 Speaker 01 Atlantic City. Check it out.
34:15 Matt McCusker? Dude, I went to a bar this weekend. It was, might have been the freakiest bar I've ever seen in my life.
34:19 Speaker 01 Where was it?
34:20 Matt McCusker? Uh, it was in Austin. It was like in East 6th Street, and I did that birthday party for our friends. We did a 5K in the morning, second place, no big deal.
34:28 Speaker 01 Oh, man, I forgot about that.
34:29 Matt McCusker? Second place, second place in the 5K.
34:31 Speaker 01 We did a show on Friday, and he was like, fuck, I forgot I have this birthday party at 8 a.m. a 5K.
34:38 Matt McCusker? I liked it.
34:38 Speaker 01 Was the birthday party.
34:39 Matt McCusker? I liked it, cuz I'm up anyway at 7 o'clock.
34:41 Speaker 01 I hear you, but who's doing that? Why are you doing that?
34:45 Matt McCusker? Gear up, bro.
34:46 Speaker 01 Why are you doing that?
34:46 Matt McCusker? My 40th is coming up in January, it's gonna be chilly. We're gonna do a 10K, no, 10K.
34:51 Speaker 01 Nice.
34:52 Matt McCusker? And I'm gonna, well, I didn't know the route, so I had to just follow, I was just following the pack.
34:56 Speaker 01 Did you beat the birthday boy?
34:57 Matt McCusker? I did. Last second, I sprinted ahead of him.
35:02 Speaker 01 You have to.
35:04 Matt McCusker? I wanted gold.
35:05 Speaker 01 You got the gold.
35:06 Matt McCusker? I thought we were doing a full 3.2 mile. It was, it ended up being like a 2.8, 2.9. So I didn't even know where the finish line was.
35:11 Speaker 01 Oh, that's nothing at 8 a.m. on a Saturday. I would have crushed that.
35:14 Matt McCusker? Easy, bro. It was like 8:40, 8:40 mile.
35:17 Speaker 01 8:00 a.m.
35:18 Matt McCusker? Bro, I wanted gold so bad. You know what's weird? I've been running at the track.
35:22 Speaker 01 And then you guys went to a freaky bar after?
35:24 Matt McCusker? Well, then it was, that was morning time.
35:25 Speaker 01 Classic running, classic running club shit.
35:27 Matt McCusker? Oh, yeah. Freaky bar. Dude, I went to the bar and it was like-
35:30 Speaker 01 You're fully ingratiated into the Austin community.
35:32 Matt McCusker? Nah, I gotta do, this was a gentleman's running club.
35:34 Speaker 01 Running club, then freak, freak jol? A little freak off after the jol?
35:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah, more freak off, bro. Dude, this bar, the tips, the tips were, uh, it was like 20, 25%, and then there was 69%, you could tip the bartenders. Every time it got me, I'd be like, huh huh. Just hit it every time. No, it was-
35:50 Speaker 01 What were, what were people wearing during the run? Were the fellows popping the tops off for it?
35:54 Matt McCusker? No, it was pretty, it was shirts. People were rocking shirts.
35:56 Speaker 01 That's good.
35:57 Matt McCusker? I will say, it's in defense of running shirtless, it's so much better.
36:00 Speaker 01 Did the babes show out?
36:02 Matt McCusker? The babes were there at the finish line.
36:04 Speaker 01 Oh, it was just a guys 5K?
36:06 Matt McCusker? Yeah, the girls ran with the kids. So the girls did like a one miler with the kids.
36:09 Speaker 01 Damn, that would have been so embarrassing. I would have gone with the kids. I would have been walking.
36:12 Matt McCusker? Yeah. You can take a shortcut. No one is watching.
36:14 Speaker 01 I would have popped my shirt off and walked with the kids.
36:19 Matt McCusker? You could have lifted them.
36:20 Speaker 01 Slowly walk with the kids shirtless.
36:22 Matt McCusker? You should have shot put at the kids, just fucking... It was sick. I've been like praying for that scenario to like sprint in front of all the wives, and I finally got to do it.
36:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, you get to show them, show them your power. You're coming from a place of abundance, athletic abundance.
36:37 Matt McCusker? Yeah, just be like, bro, just, just, I just want you guys to see me sprint.
36:38 Speaker 01 You had to probably like fake laugh as loud as you could to show them that you were having a good time while you're sprinting.
36:46 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I, I, I was, I wasn't salty, but I was like, I wanted to run, I feel like I could have got first if we did the three, full 3.2. I don't want to like ruin the birthday vibes. Be like, why the fuck didn't we go the full way?
36:56 Speaker 01 Just say your birthday is next week and go, it's five mile, just me versus one guy, only invite one guy, and just do a 40 yard dash.
37:04 Matt McCusker? I was gonna invite everyone's wives. And they're like, oh, fuck, I didn't, I didn't tell you. I ran a race by myself.
37:09 Speaker 01 You should put tickets on sale and get a crowd and don't tell them. This place is packed, huh? This is crazy.
37:17 Matt McCusker? That'd be kinda nice. It was fun. It was a, uh, it was a fun way to start, but yeah, it was, we ended up in a freaky ass bar. It was kinda, it was a little wild. Very freaky place.
37:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:27 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it was, it was just fucking weird, man. I haven't been out like that in a while.
37:31 Speaker 01 Were people crushing Michelob's? What were they crushing? It's a runner's club.
37:35 Matt McCusker? Cocktails.
37:35 Speaker 01 Delight.
37:36 Matt McCusker? Cocktails. The bartender gave us like, he's like, I, I, you know, I'm gonna give you some shots. It was just literally like, it was just juice with like a little bit, but people kept thinking that I was buying shots for this hope I wasn't. They're like, oh man, I'll get, I was like, dude, someone's giving these to me.
37:49 Speaker 01 They thought you were buying a bar.
37:51 Matt McCusker? I thought I was in a gay bar. The whole time I was like, I went to the dude, I'm like, yo, bro.
37:54 Speaker 01 I didn't know it was a freaky gay bar.
37:56 Matt McCusker? I thought it was, cause one of the.
37:58 Speaker 01 You went to a running club and then a freaky ass gay bar?
38:00 Matt McCusker? I thought it was a gay bar. He was like, it's not a gay bar.
38:02 Speaker 01 Dude, the roids have gone to your head.
38:05 Matt McCusker? No, I.
38:06 Speaker 01 Crazy on the roids.
38:09 Matt McCusker? I went to this bar, you tell me. So I go to a bar. One of the drinks itself was called like the twitchy twink. I swear to god. That's what I thought. And then dude, I'm, I'm, I'm ordering a drink for me and Brittany and a guy goes like, how's it going? And I'm like, okay, the guy's being, I'm in a gay bar. And I told the, the party I was with, I'm like, yo, this is a gay bar? And they're like, it's not a fucking gay bar. I was like, a dude just talked to me. This is definitely a fucking gay bar. And they're like, no, it's not a gay bar. But, but then someone I was with got kind of pressed by a lady. It was like intense.
38:39 Speaker 01 Nice.
38:40 Matt McCusker? Yeah, this lady just like walked up to him and just stared at him. And then, and I was like, I thought, I was like, I thought you knew her. And he was like, no. I was like, what? Where the kind of freaky ass place are you in?
38:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:49 Matt McCusker? And then she walked back with a dude and locked eyes with him again. I was trying to tell him, I'm like, bro, you might have to bull out tonight.
38:55 Speaker 01 Is he a single man?
38:57 Matt McCusker? No, hell no.
38:58 Speaker 01 He was a married man?
38:59 Matt McCusker? Yeah. Which is sick.
39:01 Speaker 01 Maybe she was Chinese.
39:02 Matt McCusker? Hmm?
39:03 Speaker 01 Maybe the, her husband was a Chinese.
39:06 Speaker 01 And he was like, this is a nice bar. Why don't you drain your sack in my wine?
39:11 Matt McCusker? Drink a couple twitchy twinks. I swear to God, it was the freakiest place I've ever been to in my life. I mean, it might just be me. My, my sexual vibes are crazy.
39:21 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, true. You're probably so horny.
39:23 Matt McCusker? It's insane, dude.
39:25 Speaker 01 You're probably so horny.
39:26 Matt McCusker? I finally, finally.
39:28 Speaker 01 What the fuck is this? All the guys are trying to fuck me? Everyone wants to fuck.
39:31 Matt McCusker? Sixty-nine percent.
39:34 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I was, I was getting horny, just hitting the sixty-nine percent on the little thing. I was like, oh, fuck.
39:38 Speaker 01 Damn, she knows.
39:40 Matt McCusker? Finally got blessed. That night I got blessed.
39:42 Speaker 01 That's good. Spoil out for the 5K. You gotta get blessed.
39:44 Matt McCusker? 5K and I, it was also drunk wife action.
39:48 Speaker 01 Drunk wife action.
39:49 Matt McCusker? Drunk wife action, bro, is the best.
39:51 Speaker 01 You got freaky ass y'all.
39:52 Matt McCusker? It's the best. She, yeah, it was nice. So, I, you know, I don't want to get graphic, but I am gonna, I just want to paint the picture for the benefits, dude, of, of, you know, my new lifestyle.
40:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:04 Matt McCusker? My austere lifestyle. Bro, I could have went again, swear to God.
40:09 Speaker 01 You got a control, man.
40:10 Matt McCusker? I could have ran it back.
40:12 Speaker 01 Why didn't you?
40:12 Matt McCusker? I tried.
40:13 Speaker 01 Oh, damn. Got stuffed on the two-point conversion.
40:18 Speaker 01 Got stuffed. We called for two.
40:23 Matt McCusker? It would have been a high pregnancy risk, though, because she, she was like, it was that time. I, I mean, I caught the, I mean, it was like the planets fully aligned.
40:31 Speaker 01 Turned two on the CP.
40:35 Matt McCusker? Well, it was, it was ovulate, full ovulation, drunk wife, which is the best.
40:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:41 Matt McCusker? I was coming off of, I claim it was a fourteen day retention. My wife's like, you're so dramatic. It was maybe like seven. I'm like, bro, it was four fucking. I want to, I want to start dotting the calendar so I have proof.
40:52 Speaker 01 You should.
40:53 Matt McCusker? Because I swear to God, it was fourteen days.
40:54 Speaker 01 Why not? What's holding you back at this point? You should have it in your family's kitchen.
40:59 Matt McCusker? I, that's the calendar I'm talking about.
41:00 Speaker 01 Well, that's absurd. You can't.
41:02 Matt McCusker? Just a tiny dot.
41:03 Speaker 01 You literally can't do that. You can't.
41:05 Matt McCusker? Just a tiny dot.
41:06 Speaker 01 You have kids, bro.
41:07 Matt McCusker? They don't know what it is.
41:08 Speaker 01 There's someday they will.
41:09 Matt McCusker? Just a tiny dot.
41:10 Speaker 01 Someday they're gonna see this episode and go, that's what those fucking dots were. Ew.
41:16 Matt McCusker? Or they'll be like, oh.
41:17 Speaker 01 You're gonna be dead by then. You're gonna be roided out. You're gonna have a roid rage on the highway. You're gonna fucking jump in front of a car and go, stop.
41:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, dude. You can't put no cum dots on your family calendar.
41:32 Matt McCusker? Your daddy's dots.
41:33 Speaker 01 Daddy's dots, dude. It's disgusting.
41:36 Matt McCusker? One, just a tiny flick of the pen.
41:38 Speaker 01 If I found out my daddy was putting dots on the calendar.
41:42 Matt McCusker? Oh.
41:43 Speaker 01 It's like.
41:45 Matt McCusker? You don't care that I'm being gaslit potentially. I'm being fucking gaslit.
41:49 Speaker 01 Keep the calendar, dude, it's somewhere private.
41:53 Matt McCusker? I want my wife to see it.
41:54 Speaker 01 Show her. Keep it in your bedroom.
41:56 Matt McCusker? Nah, yeah, true. Nah, yeah, it's my own special, I should get my own special calendar.
42:01 Speaker 01 Get a special calendar in the bedroom.
42:02 Matt McCusker? Of like motorcycle babes and put it all on.
42:03 Speaker 01 Yes, yes.
42:06 Matt McCusker? I might start hanging up like study hard posters in my room.
42:10 Speaker 01 For sure.
42:10 Matt McCusker? Just like horny college dorm posters.
42:12 Speaker 01 You should.
42:14 Speaker 01 That'd be awesome.
42:15 Matt McCusker? I could start with like a tasteful kind of like artwork of like a nude lady.
42:20 Speaker 01 And then those two girls kissing, you remember that one? That was like a famous, it was in every college dorm. It was two hot chicks in bed.
42:26 Matt McCusker? Oh, yes, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.
42:28 Speaker 01 It was, it was too much.
42:30 Matt McCusker? I might get some like Afrocentric erotica and just like put it up. Like, and it's like, I think it's a school.
42:36 Speaker 01 It's beautiful art.
42:36 Matt McCusker? It's beautiful art. And then slowly start stepping it down. Like, this is more like pop arts collage I made myself.
42:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:42 Matt McCusker? With a couple magazines.
42:44 Speaker 01 Cut them out. Me and the kids sat down and did arts and crafts and cut out babes.
42:49 Matt McCusker? Start a babe collage? Now like grade school women put like all the hunks on like a.
42:53 Speaker 01 You should just put, get a fucking hunk collage.
42:56 Matt McCusker? A hunk collage would be nice.
42:57 Speaker 01 Hunk collage would be sick. Put yourself in it.
43:01 Speaker 01 Like you and Robert Pattinson and Timothy Chauvin.
43:05 Speaker 01 Hunk collage is sick.
43:06 Matt McCusker? Bro, I might make my wife a hunk collage.
43:08 Speaker 01 Toss all your boys in it too. Just get the cool hunks and then toss all of us.
43:12 Matt McCusker? I'll get the best pictures of all of us, dude. It'll be like, and we'll, we'll like, you'll make Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band.
43:18 Speaker 01 Just hunking up.
43:19 Matt McCusker? Dude, hitting your wife with like a, you know, like a retro, like a cork board hunk collage for her birthday? And then, yeah, just like, and like I'll get in a good shape so I can take like pictures of myself as well. I might just go full boudoir. Do like a one-on-one boudoir section and give it to my, or boudoir session, give it to my wife would be nice.
43:40 Speaker 01 I'd, I'd be so happy if I found out you did that.
43:42 Matt McCusker? Boudoir?
43:43 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, it would probably end our relationship, but.
43:47 Matt McCusker? If I did a boudoir photo shoot for my wife?
43:48 Speaker 01 I'd be furious.
43:50 Matt McCusker? Why? Nah, I'd be crazy.
43:54 Matt McCusker? That would be so.
43:55 Speaker 01 Now, if you did it to be funny, yes, that's obviously great.
43:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
43:58 Speaker 01 Just you in a fucking, uh, what are those called? Like, what's the thing that tightens your corset?
44:05 Matt McCusker? Corset?
44:05 Speaker 01 Corset, but just dick and nuts out.
44:08 Matt McCusker? That'd be nice.
44:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:09 Matt McCusker? They make men's shapewear, by the way.
44:12 Speaker 01 I might have to get into that.
44:13 Matt McCusker? Yeah, get some men's shapewear, just like fucking pop the fucking sides in. I'm, I'm on a mission now to get shredded, by the way.
44:19 Speaker 01 Pop the sides in and just get giant knockers.
44:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
44:22 Speaker 01 Have everything sticking out.
44:23 Matt McCusker? Dude, I got, I was, uh, I was confident in my body recently and my, my youngest daughter came up to me. She made a, like a Play-Doh ball and she's like, here dad, it's for you. And I was like, thanks. She's like, yeah, it's fat like you are. And I was like, all right. I had to just be like, all right.
44:38 Speaker 01 Fucking hit her.
44:39 Matt McCusker? Well, I was like, yeah, I ran a six.
44:40 Speaker 01 Now we, now we talk.
44:41 Matt McCusker? Yeah, true.
44:42 Speaker 01 You should have shot the legs immediately.
44:44 Matt McCusker? I was like, well, actually I'm doing more performance based goals. I don't care about aesthetics right now. And then I was like, I was shirtless in front of a mirror. I was telling it to Brittany and she like laughed and smacked my ass. And it like, dude, it, my ass shook, my side shook and then my belly, it all like went all the way up to the top. And I was like, I need to lose fucking 10 pounds. This is bullshit.
45:03 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
45:03 Matt McCusker? She hit a chain reaction jiggle. Then she commented on it. She goes, oh my God, man, it got it moving. And I was like, all right, just being fucking devastated in this house.
45:11 Speaker 01 Girl, you're in girl worlds. I was raised in the darkness. I was born in the darkness. You gotta just plow through it, dude. You gotta go, I don't give a fuck. Fuck you.
45:20 Matt McCusker? That's what I'm saying, man.
45:20 Speaker 01 Fuck you lady.
45:21 Matt McCusker? Yeah, let's race, dude. Let's fucking, I'll race my whole family. I'll smash you guys.
45:24 Speaker 01 Fist fight right now.
45:24 Matt McCusker? Also, man, I'm definitely doing the dots on the calendar now that I think about it.
45:27 Speaker 01 True. I didn't know the kids were talking shit too. Yeah, it's dot time.
45:30 Matt McCusker? Dots.
45:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:31 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
45:32 Speaker 01 Daddy's dots.
45:33 Matt McCusker? I'll have my, can you put a dot on there for daddy real quick?
45:36 Speaker 01 Oh my God.
45:40 Matt McCusker? All I'm saying is the last time, that way I can like, she'll be like, you're, you're being dramatic. I could walk downstairs, take a picture and say, here.
45:46 Speaker 01 July 14th.
45:47 Matt McCusker? Yes.
45:47 Speaker 01 That was my last crumb.
45:48 Matt McCusker? That was my last one. Try to beg for the back, the back to back would have been nice.
45:52 Speaker 01 Would have been awesome.
45:54 Matt McCusker? It was tight.
45:54 Speaker 01 You feel really good about yourself when you hit a, when you turn two like that.
45:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
45:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:58 Matt McCusker? I, I haven't done that in forever. Now, but here's the thing. I know there was no guarantee. I could have obviously lost it as soon as I, I could have lost my helium as soon as I put it in there. But.
46:08 Speaker 01 Sometimes you lose your helium.
46:10 Matt McCusker? Honest attempt.
46:10 Speaker 01 Sometimes you go for it. You go, you know what, fuck it. Yeah, you got stuffed in the one, dude. That, that happens. That's good though. Now you got field position.
46:18 Matt McCusker? True.
46:18 Speaker 01 Now they're gonna play out of the back of the end zone. We got, come on.
46:20 Matt McCusker? True. But yeah, dude, I'm telling you, it's, I, I hit the, I hit the rocks, man. What, what do you got? You guys have an issue? I'm in a really vulnerable place right now. You guys whispering is not helping me.
46:31 Speaker 01 What, what, what were you whispering about?
46:34 Matt McCusker? Oh my gosh, dude.
46:38 Speaker 01 What's going on with your big show?
46:41 Matt McCusker? No, I like that.
46:41 Speaker 01 Why can't we talk about it?
46:44 Speaker 01 Oh, is it, you say something negative happening with the big show?
46:47 Matt McCusker? Every time I check in with you guys, you're like talking shit on someone.
46:50 Speaker 01 Yeah. Yeah, I had to have a chat with the boys.
46:53 Matt McCusker? Oh no.
46:54 Speaker 01 Yeah. We were drinking.
46:56 Matt McCusker? Really?
46:57 Speaker 01 I had to get, fellas.
46:58 Matt McCusker? Held, held the council.
46:59 Speaker 01 You guys gotta stop with this negativity.
47:01 Matt McCusker? It's true.
47:02 Speaker 01 Just do it.
47:03 Matt McCusker? True.
47:03 Speaker 01 But, you know, who am I to judge? I was.
47:09 Speaker 01 Alright, just edit it out.
47:10 Matt McCusker? This episode is brought to you by AG1. Dude, real quick, gotta tell you guys about this.
47:15 Speaker 01 Oh, I like this.
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48:10 Speaker 01 This episode is brought to you by BlueChew. Oh yeah. Fellas, let me introduce you to BlueChew Gold.
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48:37 Matt McCusker? Hmm, because sex is not just be about being able to perform. I totally agree with that. It's about actually wanting to.
48:45 Speaker 01 Now, wanting to is extremely important for sexual intercourse.
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49:08 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, don't tell me.
49:10 Speaker 04 Wow, wow, Wes.
49:11 Speaker 01 That happens. And we're back.
49:12 Speaker 04 Yeah.
49:13 Speaker 01 It was, it was a slightly gay.
49:16 Speaker 04 Yeah.
49:18 Speaker 01 Slightly gay, you guys are obsessive.
49:20 Speaker 02 Could have waited till after.
49:22 Speaker 01 Fired up. You guys are fighting for your fucking lives down here. Was it, was it like that in Philly?
49:28 Speaker 03 No.
49:28 Speaker 01 You guys weren't so aggressive back then?
49:30 Speaker 03 No, I was, I was in Philly.
49:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I remember you in Philly, you turned into a little nasty fuck there. I'd get, I'd get wind of it, you'd be at helium like, I'm the fucking best, I'll bury anybody here.
49:41 Speaker 03 I've been very nice down here.
49:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, you can't do that.
49:43 Matt McCusker? Well, you guys were, you guys were seniors in high school, now you're college freshmen.
49:48 Speaker 01 Yeah. Now you're 40-year-old freshmen.
49:54 Speaker 01 It's just growing pains, dude, you guys will be alright.
49:57 Matt McCusker? I can't talk, I've been bombing. I've been chucking up fucking eggs, dude, at open mics. It's just all part of the process.
50:04 Speaker 01 It is, and that's the, that's the hardest part, I'm not good at that.
50:06 Matt McCusker? I can take, bro, I can, I can bomb and just hit the road whistling and just be like, right.
50:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:11 Matt McCusker? I did it last, I mean, it didn't feel great last night. I was like, yeah, it was, it's not the best in the world. Especially when you're like, when you're like, literally, just your mind falls apart and you're like, oh yeah, I fucking stink right now. I was like, they're about to get hit with a real pro, it's about to change the fucking tone of this 12 people in the room and it just instantly come out and be like, I've been depressed for two weeks and, uh, I don't know, guys, I'm sorry, I don't know why I started like that.
50:35 Speaker 01 Twelve people in the room is a guaranteed. It's gonna be a bad show.
50:39 Matt McCusker? I know. It was. It was bad. But still, I wanted the whole frame. I was not coming from a place of abundance.
50:46 Speaker 01 Hmm. I think you bragged about your abundance, isn't that?
50:48 Matt McCusker? I did, yeah. I said I was depressed and I was like, yeah, I'm too motherfucking loaded to be depressed, dude. People are like, yeah, I hate you more now.
50:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm depressed, bro. I'm so rich. Alright, kill him.
51:00 Speaker 01 Give him steel.
51:01 Matt McCusker? I thought it'd be funny.
51:02 Speaker 01 It is funny.
51:03 Matt McCusker? I thought it'd be. It was funny to me.
51:04 Speaker 01 Man, it's funny.
51:04 Matt McCusker? I laughed. I was on the bird scooter on the way home. I was like, that was funny.
51:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, fuck that.
51:08 Matt McCusker? Dude, I was, I was on the scooter today. Catching air on Airport Boulevard. It was crazy. I got a new ramp. There's a new ramp on Airport Boulevard.
51:18 Speaker 01 Really?
51:19 Matt McCusker? Yeah. I was on the way to the gym. There's a new ramp. I was catching, I was like, just praying to God. I'm like, please, let someone I know see me ramping on Airport Boulevard. That's all I want.
51:28 Speaker 01 How, how much air do you think you caught? That's a lot.
51:32 Matt McCusker? On a, on a lime? Not bad. Yeah, it wasn't bad.
51:33 Speaker 01 That's a heavy, that's a heavy fucking.
51:35 Matt McCusker? I surprised myself. I, I can kind of bunny hop them if I'm being honest, but getting a little ramp at like full speed downhill was, phew, felt good. Felt good, dude. Also too, in the, uh, I was, there's an, I've, I've been noticing a new evolution at the gym. So you know that there are tortoise, right?
51:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:54 Matt McCusker? I've, I've, I've, it's pretty rare, but I've seen some tortoise are going towards the weights. And they're, there might be a new form.
52:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:03 Matt McCusker? It's a blastoise. When the tortoise, the tortoise have been getting jacked, dude, evolving into blastoises, it's kind of nice.
52:10 Speaker 01 I've seen some blastoises. I know a couple blastoises. I've followed their Instagram. I've watched them transform into full blastoises.
52:17 Matt McCusker? Fucking nice, man. It's a good move.
52:20 Speaker 01 I, I, I've noticed women getting into like bodybuilding.
52:24 Matt McCusker? Yes. They call it like bikini model.
52:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, have you seen that on a, you ever follow an IG lady that changed her life and became a?
52:31 Matt McCusker? I knew someone in real life who did this a while back. They became like a female, it's not like a full bodybuilder.
52:37 Speaker 01 Fucking shredded, dude.
52:38 Matt McCusker? They get shredded.
52:39 Speaker 01 And then they do blackface for the competition like the guys do. It's fucking crazy.
52:43 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's pretty wild. They get, they get trumped up.
52:46 Speaker 01 I guess when you do blackface like that, it shows your muscles more.
52:48 Matt McCusker? It does, for sure.
52:51 Speaker 01 For real, yeah, you black body out, yeah, it shows your muscles more.
52:54 Matt McCusker? That's all it is.
52:55 Speaker 01 That's why, dude, you guys can't tell, I'm fucking jacked.
52:57 Matt McCusker? I know.
52:58 Speaker 01 I'm just too pale.
53:00 Matt McCusker? Dude, those competitions too, like, they, a lot of those guys get naked for the spray tan.
53:04 Speaker 01 For sure, yeah.
53:05 Matt McCusker? So like, the bodybuilding competitions, you, you go back and you just bust out dong and a lady just sprays you down. It's pretty crazy.
53:13 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
53:14 Matt McCusker? The, the, the bodybuilding world is definitely one of the most wild things, like, it's fucked up.
53:19 Speaker 01 It's a wild group of people.
53:20 Matt McCusker? It's a wild group of bros.
53:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:22 Matt McCusker? But, I, would you, I don't know, I feel like I would still, like, I'd be like, you can just hit my legs, I'm not showing.
53:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, just have a pale patch in my fucking bikini.
53:31 Matt McCusker? Just pubes popping out. But yeah, the, the, the female fitness model thing is, is kind of weird.
53:38 Speaker 01 Do any bodybuilders not do the tan? It'd be nice to hit it with just full pale.
53:43 Matt McCusker? You, yeah, no, I think they all hit the spray tan, and I guess if you're like a black bodybuilder, you just oil up big time, hit the baby oil. So I think there's something about, you wanna get like, glistening, you wanna get like, wet and glistening looking.
53:57 Speaker 01 That's fucking weird.
53:59 Matt McCusker? You're trying to win the competition.
54:00 Speaker 01 I know, what do they win?
54:03 Matt McCusker? Like, protein powder, they, you win, you win for real like a trophy, and you, yeah, you win like, a protein powder, might be like, we'll sponsor you.
54:10 Speaker 01 It is nice to have that trophy.
54:11 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that'd be awesome.
54:12 Speaker 01 Most jacked dude in the region.
54:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's fucking sick.
54:15 Speaker 03 Can I say it, you guys? I think bodybuilding's gay. Bodybuilding might be the gay thing you could do.
54:20 Matt McCusker? Everyone thinks it's gay.
54:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like, super gay.
54:24 Matt McCusker? I mean, tell that to Lou Ferrigno, bro.
54:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's some cool ass fucking jacked dudes.
54:29 Matt McCusker? Arnold, Lou Ferrigno, Ronnie Coleman.
54:31 Speaker 01 Is Ronnie Coleman the black dude?
54:32 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
54:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, Ronnie Coleman rules, dude.
54:35 Matt McCusker? Yeah, but-
54:36 Speaker 03 Don't make me talk bad about Ronnie Coleman.
54:38 Matt McCusker? Well, you just called him gay.
54:39 Speaker 01 You called him gay.
54:42 Speaker 03 Well, yeah.
54:43 Matt McCusker? Body, body, that's not bad.
54:45 Speaker 01 You got, I'm telling you, the Nock's boys have become nasty little fuck.
54:50 Speaker 01 Look at you throwing your boys under the bus. Not me. Nasty fucks.
54:55 Speaker 02 I'm Zandini.
54:56 Speaker 01 No, you're not Zandini. The Zandini talks crazy.
54:59 Speaker 02 I am.
55:01 Speaker 01 The Zandini talks crazy.
55:02 Speaker 02 Especially after my mother left. I am embarrassed.
55:06 Matt McCusker? What?
55:07 Speaker 01 You embarrassed that you said?
55:08 Speaker 02 I don't feel Italian and then my mother comes around and I just love her so much. It's embarrassing.
55:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
55:14 Speaker 01 That's so crazy.
55:16 Speaker 02 It's the most Italian thing about me.
55:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're definitely not Irish.
55:20 Speaker 01 You bring your mom around, you go, "Oh my god, god damn it."
55:22 Speaker 02 I miss my mother.
55:25 Matt McCusker? I love my mommy.
55:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I don't want to fucking hang out with her.
55:29 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I guess we don't.
55:30 Speaker 01 I love her, but.
55:31 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we don't chill.
55:32 Speaker 01 We don't have a lot of comments. We don't really have good conversations.
55:35 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I just see her. I just see her in her house.
55:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:38 Matt McCusker? That's why I like to talk to my mommy.
55:39 Speaker 01 Guard Dog was trying to bring her to the fucking bar with us.
55:41 Speaker 02 No, I was just busting your chops.
55:43 Speaker 01 I think you were feeling it out a little.
55:45 Speaker 02 I did, I did not.
55:46 Speaker 01 Lamar, what do you think?
55:47 Speaker 03 He was feeling it out.
55:48 Speaker 02 No, that's not true.
55:49 Speaker 01 It settled.
55:51 Speaker 02 I wouldn't do that.
55:53 Speaker 01 It settled.
55:54 Matt McCusker? You could bring mommy.
55:55 Speaker 02 I did have the plumbing issue where I almost had, my house was almost filled with girl group for a moment.
56:00 Matt McCusker? What?
56:00 Speaker 01 All the women in his life were dumping his house and clogged his.
56:04 Matt McCusker? They were probably saving it for your house, too.
56:06 Speaker 02 We went to Terry Black's and then got home and my sewage failed.
56:09 Speaker 01 All the way from Jersey, they brought that. They brought that down south. That was an airdrop.
56:14 Matt McCusker? Yeah. A nice Jersey girl, though.
56:16 Speaker 01 Jersey fucking dump.
56:19 Matt McCusker? A nice sub for the fuck, a nice Jersey sub.
56:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, hoagies.
56:23 Matt McCusker? Dang, so they were dumping out in your house big time?
56:25 Speaker 02 No, yeah, yeah.
56:27 Speaker 01 Remember when my mom collapsed the ceiling?
56:30 Matt McCusker? It's the funniest thing in the world.
56:32 Speaker 02 My poops.
56:34 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I still hold it down. Girl dumps are.
56:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're horrific.
56:38 Matt McCusker? Unbelievable how bad they are.
56:39 Speaker 02 We had to go somewhere else so they could all defecate.
56:42 Matt McCusker? Huh?
56:43 Speaker 02 We had to go someplace else.
56:44 Speaker 01 You had to take them to the YMCA to drop, drop dumps?
56:47 Speaker 02 We went to the bar so they could poop.
56:49 Speaker 01 You went to the bar to take dumps?
56:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, there's one like right around the corner from my house.
56:53 Matt McCusker? Damn.
56:53 Speaker 01 Damn, you had to load up the car and go, alright, everybody, wait till everybody has to shit and then we'll go.
56:58 Speaker 02 Yes, that's exactly what I did.
57:00 Speaker 01 I mean, that's kind of how we do it.
57:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
57:02 Speaker 01 Get to the bar, you go, oh, fuck, I forgot to shit.
57:05 Matt McCusker? Was it a, uh, was there two, could they go like side by side or they have to wait?
57:10 Speaker 02 Uh, there was a few bathrooms, so they all just went at once.
57:13 Speaker 01 No way.
57:14 Matt McCusker? Did you?
57:14 Speaker 01 They all went at once?
57:15 Speaker 02 I think, like, they were all holding it and they all, like, embarrassingly were like, we all have to poop like one by one. So I was like, alright, we could go someplace.
57:23 Matt McCusker? Yeah, we can, we can hit this. And you said, you should have monitored the bathroom and let them know if the smell levels were going to be bad.
57:29 Speaker 02 I didn't do that.
57:31 Matt McCusker? Alright guys, flush it. Come on, flush it.
57:33 Speaker 02 Oh, but Johnny Ruder saves me. Shout out to Johnny Ruder Plumbing.
57:36 Matt McCusker? Nice.
57:36 Speaker 02 I love you 24/7 Plumbing.
57:39 Matt McCusker? That's nice.
57:39 Speaker 01 It's really funny when the family dumps. We used to race after, after church.
57:43 Matt McCusker? Oh, god, yeah.
57:44 Speaker 01 The after church race to the turlet, the whole family.
57:47 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
57:48 Speaker 01 Of big dogs just rumbling to the turlet.
57:51 Matt McCusker? Me and my brothers used to race to the turlet after church, but for different reasons.
57:54 Speaker 01 Nefarious reasons.
57:57 Speaker 01 To get rid of that dot.
58:00 Speaker 01 There were no dots on the counter in the McCusker house, dude.
58:03 Matt McCusker? Nicky's secret catalog would come into the house and it would just be tribal warfare the whole time. Dude, where is it? Dude. You fuck, yeah, just first one gets it. It would, I mean, this is graphic, but first one get it, it would fucking glaze it right away. It would just be fu, it would just be stuck.
58:18 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ, dude.
58:22 Speaker 01 So fucked up.
58:23 Matt McCusker? It was crazy. I could, I, when I was a little boy, I had to fucking spray the magazine and everything. I couldn't not do it. Like, when I was a little kid, I was just like.
58:32 Speaker 01 I sprayed a Maxim once. Felt real weird about it.
58:34 Matt McCusker? I fucking loved it.
58:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:36 Matt McCusker? I would spray it, wipe it off and just fold it up and like put it in a drawer and be like, alright, those pages.
58:40 Speaker 01 This is my little secret.
58:41 Matt McCusker? Those pages are done. I would just work my way through.
58:45 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's kind of fucked.
58:46 Speaker 01 Tear the page out.
58:47 Matt McCusker? It's kind of fucked up.
58:47 Speaker 01 Flush it. You have to destroy it, yeah.
58:51 Matt McCusker? Put it right back together.
58:55 Speaker 01 Big weighs fucking 10 pounds.
58:59 Matt McCusker? Just men in big white suits would have to come take it away. Dang dude, yeah, the race back from church was nice.
59:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:06 Matt McCusker? Dumping.
59:06 Speaker 01 I told you they used to make me run, right?
59:09 Matt McCusker? No.
59:09 Speaker 01 My family, it was a fun game we had. They would make me get out of the car at the, the entrance to my neighborhood and race the car home.
59:16 Matt McCusker? Oh, that's awesome.
59:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, I thought I was fast as shit. I would fall every single time. I'd hit a curb every single time.
59:24 Speaker 01 They thought it was the funniest. It must have been so funny.
59:27 Matt McCusker? It's hilarious.
59:27 Speaker 01 See me sprint home from church.
59:29 Matt McCusker? Just in like a.
59:30 Speaker 01 In like khakis.
59:31 Matt McCusker? Yeah, I was gonna say striped polo shirt and khakis just falling. It's so funny. Oh, it's easy. Were they keeping, they were keeping the car kind of like.
59:38 Speaker 01 They're keeping the car exactly my speed and like speeding up. So I'd be like.
59:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was good shit.
59:47 Matt McCusker? That is such a funny thing to do to be like, dude, I'll fuck your.
59:49 Speaker 01 Dude, you're faster than the car. This is crazy.
59:51 Matt McCusker? Oh, that's awesome.
59:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:54 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
59:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was weirdly tradition.
59:56 Matt McCusker? As a kid, I, I had, up until like high school, I had the most outlandish sense of confidence about so many different things.
1:00:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:03 Matt McCusker? It slowly just got, I had to be like, oh shit, all right.
1:00:06 Speaker 01 Fuck.
1:00:06 Matt McCusker? Fuck. God damn it.
1:00:08 Speaker 01 I'm not fast at all.
1:00:11 Speaker 01 Fuck.
1:00:11 Matt McCusker? I'm not that strong.
1:00:12 Speaker 01 Being fast was such a flex.
1:00:15 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:00:15 Speaker 01 When you were a kid.
1:00:15 Matt McCusker? Yeah. It's funny hyping, like especially boys, be like, damn, bro, you're fast as hell. And they'll instantly be like, you think so?
1:00:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:23 Matt McCusker? Take off.
1:00:23 Speaker 01 Show you.
1:00:24 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it's so like, oh my God, dude.
1:00:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, now though, it's kind of, I think it's embarrassing to be fast.
1:00:29 Matt McCusker? What do you mean?
1:00:30 Speaker 01 Just like a fast guy. Yeah, what are you fucking fast for?
1:00:34 Matt McCusker? I mean.
1:00:35 Speaker 01 No, not, not coming at you, not coming at you. I know you're flying.
1:00:37 Matt McCusker? I want to make sure, I don't know what side I fall on this. If I were to do like a 115, 400 this morning, like would I be?
1:00:45 Speaker 01 If you ran a 115 400, I'm not talking fast like, I'm not talking distance here.
1:00:50 Matt McCusker? I know what you mean.
1:00:50 Speaker 01 Talk about just a dude that's, you know, working in an office and fast as hell.
1:00:54 Matt McCusker? I know.
1:00:55 Speaker 01 It's crazy.
1:00:56 Matt McCusker? I see him every morning. There's dudes.
1:00:58 Speaker 01 I watched some track, uh, yesterday.
1:01:00 Matt McCusker? Did you really?
1:01:01 Speaker 01 I watched some track and field.
1:01:02 Matt McCusker? What, who was running?
1:01:03 Speaker 01 It was a US qualifiers, uh, some fucking high school kid.
1:01:09 Matt McCusker? Really?
1:01:10 Speaker 01 Got top three. He was 16 years old. He ran like a... I forget what it was, like, he ran the 800. It was insane how fast he was.
1:01:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:20 Matt McCusker? I saw those handicap swimmers, man. They were fast as shit, dude. They were, dude, 50 meters doing, I think they were doing like 22 seconds, 50 meters, 22 seconds. It was crazy.
1:01:28 Speaker 01 They didn't seem too fucking handicapped. They were fucking flying, dude.
1:01:33 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:01:33 Speaker 01 I didn't see any, I didn't really see a lot of missing fucking things.
1:01:36 Matt McCusker? I saw, I think their legs were fucked. I think they were all arms.
1:01:40 Speaker 01 There was a couple of guys that were all arms.
1:01:42 Matt McCusker? Yeah.
1:01:42 Speaker 01 There was one guy without arms.
1:01:43 Matt McCusker? What?
1:01:44 Speaker 01 Dolphins. Underwater and it's fucking crazy.
1:01:47 Matt McCusker? Whoa, are you serious?
1:01:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, mermaids out the whole way.
1:01:48 Matt McCusker? Yo, that's cra- I didn't know that.
1:01:51 Speaker 01 Yeah. Who are you guys looking at?
1:01:55 Matt McCusker? You guys are talking speed and made me think of this guy. He's just, he just grabs things really fast.
1:01:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, grabs things as fast as he can.
1:02:00 Matt McCusker? Yeah, he's the man.
1:02:00 Speaker 01 He's the man.
1:02:01 Matt McCusker? That's kinda nice.
1:02:02 Speaker 01 That's just, that guy's cool.
1:02:03 Matt McCusker? Yeah. No, you, you see like the serious runners at the track and they're like, they're freaks, dude. There, I, I did the 400, I gave it my all, and there was a guy who was just doing that pace, just nonstop around the track.
1:02:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:16 Matt McCusker? And I was just like, bro, I don't, I don't know how you do that. Although he was fucking ripped. I'm fat as hell, so.
1:02:21 Speaker 01 Matt, come on, man. You've got a perfect bod right now.
1:02:23 Matt McCusker? I thought I did. I thought I did.
1:02:25 Speaker 01 Matt, your bod's fucking rocking right now.
1:02:27 Matt McCusker? I thought my bod was rocking, but it's...
1:02:28 Speaker 01 Your bod's rocking, dude. Don't let those little fucks get in your head.
1:02:31 Matt McCusker? Dude, they're killing.
1:02:32 Speaker 01 Your daughter's getting in your head.
1:02:33 Matt McCusker? I was just, I was just...
1:02:35 Speaker 01 But they are learning, dude. They're learning the ways of the woman.
1:02:36 Matt McCusker? Oh, they're killing, dude. Crushed me. And also now Chloe, if I drop anything, she goes, "Fuck!"
1:02:42 Speaker 01 That's awesome.
1:02:43 Matt McCusker? Cause she's heard me say it so many times. So I won't even say it. I'll drop something and she goes, "Fuck!"
1:02:47 Speaker 01 That's awesome.
1:02:48 Matt McCusker? It's so funny.
1:02:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, when little kids swear, it's...
1:02:50 Matt McCusker? It's so, especially when they know like the right context.
1:02:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:53 Matt McCusker? I had, like, I'll be like, dude, you know, you're good. Don't, you don't have to do that. She'll be like, okay. Fuck.
1:02:58 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:02:58 Matt McCusker? So nice.
1:02:59 Speaker 01 Anytime I call my sister, she's on speakerphone and the kids are in the car and I never know. So I'm like, this fucking guy, the kids, immediately you hear Anthony like, fucking, fucking. Katie will be like, hey, you don't say that. You hear him laughing, you're like, damn.
1:03:13 Matt McCusker? Yeah, the kids are not freaks, you're like, oh, okay. Or if you like calmly, you go, yeah, that's a really bad word. They're like, what? No, I didn't know that.
1:03:20 Speaker 01 That's serious stuff.
1:03:21 Matt McCusker? That's a bad word.
1:03:22 Speaker 01 They're gonna get you.
1:03:23 Matt McCusker? And they're scared of the police. You hit kids, they're like, yeah, the police could come get you.
1:03:27 Speaker 01 I remember, I remember the fear of the police. Prank called 911 once from the park and a cop showed up, just ran through a field crying.
1:03:40 Matt McCusker? Yeah, Brittany would be like, I don't want them to be afraid of the police. I'm like, dude, I'm sorry, but I'm definitely gonna use this on them every time I have to. That's fine, I'll just call the police officers. They're like, no, no, no. I told you Maya found out I had gone, I had gotten arrested before. She was talking about like cops getting bad guys and I was just like, you know, I got arrested once. She was like, what?
1:03:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:00 Matt McCusker? What happened? I was like, I was just being bad.
1:04:02 Speaker 01 Just being bad guy.
1:04:03 Matt McCusker? She was like, it was, it was actually really sweet. She was like, it's okay, I love you even though you got arrested by the police. I was like, thank you, Maya.
1:04:09 Speaker 01 That's really nice.
1:04:11 Matt McCusker? She thinks if you get arrested, she thinks they're like a monster. She really thinks cops are out there getting like, like, you know, people from like TV shows who are like trying to like
1:04:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:20 Matt McCusker? decimate cities.
1:04:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:22 Matt McCusker? So whenever like someone's pulled over, she's like, dad, they got a bad guy.
1:04:25 Speaker 01 That guy was trying to blow up Austin.
1:04:27 Matt McCusker? For real.
1:04:27 Speaker 01 That guy.
1:04:28 Matt McCusker? She's like, oh my God, a bad guy.
1:04:29 Speaker 01 That guy has a nuclear bomb in his car.
1:04:33 Matt McCusker? I think there's like a real like supervillain.
1:04:35 Speaker 01 I can't judge, I think that. I see someone getting pulled over, I'm like, drugs, drugs in the trunk, there could be a shootout right now. If there's more than one cop car, I'm like, this is fucking serious.
1:04:45 Matt McCusker? Apparently they have to do that. They're like supposed to have someone else. When they were like, we have anything better to do? It's like they need another guy there apparently, so.
1:04:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, that happens every time. I think that happened to us in South Carolina, it happens all the time.
1:04:57 Matt McCusker? Yeah, they pull up.
1:04:57 Speaker 01 One guy gets you and then another car comes. You're like, oh, great, fellas, you guys are really fucking bringing out the whole force for this.
1:05:03 Matt McCusker? That was, it was.
1:05:04 Speaker 01 Jaywalking, huh?
1:05:05 Matt McCusker? It was nice when the older cops gave the young cop hell. And he was like, oh, nice, you got some jaywalkers, nice work, guys.
1:05:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was awesome.
1:05:11 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that fucking ruled. Yeah, being a cop.
1:05:14 Speaker 01 It was a great night.
1:05:15 Matt McCusker? I came.
1:05:15 Speaker 01 I cherish that.
1:05:16 Matt McCusker? That was, that was so fun.
1:05:17 Speaker 01 I remember being just drunk enough to talk shit to the cops.
1:05:19 Matt McCusker? Yeah, oh dude. I thought for sure, I was so stoned and you can't, you weren't even talking shit, you were just laughing at the guy to his face.
1:05:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was crazy.
1:05:27 Matt McCusker? He'd be like, you gotta do this and he'd be like, bah, I was like, come on, please don't let us get arrested. I don't wanna get arrested. He, that guy, he was.
1:05:36 Speaker 01 He was a fucking dork.
1:05:37 Matt McCusker? He stunk dude.
1:05:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:39 Matt McCusker? Young cops are for real the worst. Young gung ho out of the academy.
1:05:42 Speaker 01 He like sped up to try to like almost fucking hit us.
1:05:45 Matt McCusker? Yeah, it was kinda nuts.
1:05:46 Speaker 01 He was so far away.
1:05:46 Matt McCusker? I was across the street.
1:05:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, I was moving a little slow, my church days are over.
1:05:50 Matt McCusker? No, no, no, you were ahead of me. I waited. You, you ran across and I waited and I saw the cops get you and I was like, I just gotta go over there, maybe I can smooth it out.
1:06:00 Speaker 01 You were high as shit.
1:06:01 Matt McCusker? Well, I had a giant bowl in my pocket, I had a fucking like wizard pipe this big in my pocket. And he was like, and I was like, I thought I was gonna buy, I was gonna buy like honesty points and I was like, it was like a 20 year old cop, I was like, uh, I just wanna be honest here, I do have a pipe on me, it's just a giant, very ornate thing. I feel like he gave, didn't he give it back? I feel like he gave it back.
1:06:22 Speaker 01 I think he may have.
1:06:23 Matt McCusker? I think he gave me.
1:06:24 Speaker 01 That was all the, the veteran. The vet showed up and was like, dude, what are you doing?
1:06:28 Matt McCusker? He definitely didn't smash it, I would've remembered.
1:06:30 Speaker 01 He was being real serious.
1:06:31 Matt McCusker? Oh, he was such, such a dickhead about it. Do you have any weed on you? I said, no sir.
1:06:36 Speaker 01 No, smoked it all, chiefed it.
1:06:38 Matt McCusker? Who chiefed it?
1:06:38 Speaker 01 Your honor.
1:06:39 Matt McCusker? Who chiefed it?
1:06:40 Speaker 01 How nice were the nugs? Oh.
1:06:46 Matt McCusker? Yeah, dude.
1:06:47 Speaker 01 Great trip, hotel pools.
1:06:49 Matt McCusker? So fun. That, well, that was all driving too.
1:06:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was a good time.
1:06:52 Matt McCusker? Nothing but driving, that was nice as a feature, you brought your own support.
1:06:56 Speaker 01 Crazy.
1:06:57 Matt McCusker? You brought the host.
1:06:58 Speaker 01 Crazy move. Yeah, they never worked with me again.
1:07:03 Speaker 01 And then we just heckled the fucking headline the whole time.
1:07:07 Speaker 01 It was a real dickhead move.
1:07:08 Matt McCusker? No, that was warranted man.
1:07:10 Speaker 01 He was, yeah, he was being a dickhead, but if I were him, I'd, I would've, I would've been so sad. If the feature brought a host and they were mean to me.
1:07:19 Matt McCusker? I was making fun.
1:07:20 Speaker 01 For like two weeks.
1:07:22 Matt McCusker? We stayed in the same place.
1:07:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:07:24 Matt McCusker? I remember, I do remember at one point I was getting, I was getting assy toward the guy. And it was, yeah, it was just too hard not to.
1:07:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, he was a dork.
1:07:32 Matt McCusker? He was a huge dork.
1:07:33 Speaker 01 There was blood in the water and we were abusing substances, getting drunk and be like, fucking dork bitch.
1:07:41 Matt McCusker? Just in the comedy.
1:07:42 Speaker 01 Shut the fuck up.
1:07:44 Matt McCusker? Yeah, that's dude, that's the uh, that was the Dave Smith debate. It was for real, a pure bully.
1:07:49 Speaker 01 Just went right through it.
1:07:49 Matt McCusker? Bully sesh. He just bullied the guy the whole, he laughed in his face, bullied him. The guy was being ridiculous. But just, it was like, it was rough. Just watching it. It was like a pure, I mean, it was literally like a, like a New York Times nerd.
1:08:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:06 Matt McCusker? Who just couldn't, he couldn't have, he couldn't come up with like any cool comebacks.
1:08:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:11 Matt McCusker? And it was just Dave Smith who's been.
1:08:13 Speaker 01 Type of guy you really want to punch in the belly.
1:08:15 Matt McCusker? In the, oh yeah, dude, the New York Times guy, especially when he hit finally to go, cause he'd be like, at first he was like, play the video, they play, he plays a video from 10 years ago, gets literally Dave laughs in his face. It was like, you are a fucking loser. And the guy doubles down and goes, played it good. He's like, why, why would he play it? Just played it good. And it was, it was, dude, it was rough, man. It was so bad. Then eventually he took the bait and he goes, you're just a little man. A little man from Brooklyn and I'm not afraid of you.
1:08:46 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm not afraid of you.
1:08:47 Matt McCusker? I'm not afraid of you.
1:08:48 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:08:48 Matt McCusker? They've hit him with tough talk. He hit him with like the tough guy zoom being, oh, you're pretty tough on zoom, aren't you? He's, you're a little man. And Dave stunned him with the moab and he just goes.
1:08:59 Matt McCusker? You can tell it hit him too, man. He for real.
1:09:02 Speaker 01 That does hit you. If somebody genuinely hits you with the, the moab, dude, it fucking hurts.
1:09:07 Matt McCusker? A zoom moab.
1:09:14 Matt McCusker? And you can tell like.
1:09:15 Speaker 01 He was sitting back with his fucking wife in bed after.
1:09:18 Matt McCusker? Just getting in.
1:09:18 Speaker 01 How did zoom go? I'll, I'll tell you, the guy called me a.
1:09:23 Matt McCusker? Oh, well, that's not good. I called him a scared, a scared little man. By the way, when you say scared little man, I hate to break it to you, what you're essentially calling somebody is the moab.
1:09:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:09:32 Matt McCusker? They're dancing around it.
1:09:34 Speaker 01 They dance around.
1:09:35 Matt McCusker? You're a scared little man in a pink sweater.
1:09:39 Speaker 01 You walk kinda funny and you kiss guys.
1:09:42 Matt McCusker? You're calling someone gay if you're going, you're a little man. You're a effeminate little man. But yeah, that was a, I highly recommend watching that. It's very, very, very.
1:09:51 Speaker 01 Give it a watch. That sounds great.
1:09:52 Matt McCusker? We should give it a watch in between. It's very fucking funny.
1:09:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, switch over, let's watch it now and then switch to the page.
1:09:57 Matt McCusker? Let's do it.
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