Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 805: The Most Forbidden Fritos About this episode We’re doing our best to not fully derail the episode and make it entirely about Cheezy G’s. So instead we’re juggling advice about strange folk songs, super-powered Janitor Eyes, and people who live at the DMV, like the Tom Hanks movie.
Suggested talking points: Toss My Dead Body Down the Adirondacks, Damn These Computer Movies, This is Lunch, Hit Single: Stop’s Coming Up Derek, The World’s Worst Gusher, You Hear That, Cheesy Jesus?
Border Angels: https://www.borderangels.org/our-services.html
Transcript 10,723 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me. It's an advice show for the modern era. We're so happy to have you here.
1:17 Speaker 02 What's up?
1:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I'm the oldest brother around here, Justin McElroy.
1:21 Speaker 02 Sorry, the rhythm got thrown off a little bit. Sorry. What's up, Travis Nation? It's me, your oldest brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf, Vroom, Vroom, The Heater, McElroy.
1:28 Griffin McElroy? And I'm Griffin. Guys, I will admit to having taken my eye off the ball a bit. For the book, for the stowaway. I'm out now at fine book retailers. I took my eye off the ball. And so I can't help but blame myself for Tim Chalamet's entirely unnecessary, just absolute brand tanking. I know he kind of like relies on me a little bit for like advice on like how to do a good job with your brand and stuff. And I wasn't there for him, I guess, when he needed me most. And so he has stepped in major doo doo. And I just, I apologize. I apologize for the sullying of Wonka.
2:13 Travis McElroy? And he, and he, he tried to drag McConaughey down with it, too.
2:17 Griffin McElroy? He tried to, did you see McConaughey, that clip? Tim Chalamet is like, at least I'm not doing anything fucking boring and stupid like ballet or opera. And you see, you don't see Matt McConaughey as he like, for that frame, he's just like a log in the background. And then a log with a mask on. And then, once that moment's passed, he's back. He's not trying to catch that shit.
2:40 Travis McElroy? No, for a man who like embodies the spirit of, alright, is, he's like, no.
2:46 Griffin McElroy? I can't, now that would have ruled. This would have been a great educational moment. If he had said, nah, nah Bronco. That was almost a good Matt McConaughey and I gave myself.
2:56 Travis McElroy? He's like, you thought, you, if you don't know what it was, you heard how good it was.
2:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I heard how good it was. Honestly freaked me out where he's like, nah Bronco. Listen, these are beautiful art forms and you need to apologize. If he had said like, you're right, Matt McConaughey, that was hugely unnecessary. What was I saying? These are classical art forms that are still highly sought after artistic endeavors. And I'm, I am, I do apologize. All of a sudden, everybody's wild about his fucking ping pong movie again. But nope, we'd had no teaching moment.
3:25 Travis McElroy? He also made it sound like if his acting career were to go south and fail.
3:31 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
3:31 Travis McElroy? He would accidentally end up doing ballet or opera.
3:36 Griffin McElroy? Dude, yeah, it's all three of our backup plan, right, guys? If this podcast thing ever goes under, I can either sing high loud for long times, or spin on my tippy, tippy, tippy toes. One of those will be my other job for sure. Astronaut, ballet, or sing. Those are the three.
3:54 Travis McElroy? It, it probably won't come as a surprise to you guys. Sometimes the nuance of some of these situations escapes me on the social end of it. And I'd like to clarify something just, this is for my own safety. Is, are we mad at Timothy for saying that opera and ballet are boring? Or are we mad at Timothy for thinking that opera and ballet are boring?
4:21 Griffin McElroy? Tim is obviously allowed to think whatever he wants and ultimately I think once the dust-
4:27 Travis McElroy? That's not, that's okay.
4:29 Griffin McElroy? That's okay. You can't, Juice, and we'll say this, you can't get in trouble for not enjoying opera or ballet.
4:35 Travis McElroy? Everybody's allowed to not enjoy this.
4:37 Griffin McElroy? I promise you, dude.
4:37 Travis McElroy? You promise?
4:38 Griffin McElroy? I promise you, dude.
4:39 Travis McElroy? Okay.
4:40 Griffin McElroy? Here's, here's my thing, guys. I love one of those and I fucking hate the other one, but I'll never say which one, because I'm not a fucking joker like Tim Chalamet. I wasn't there for him when he needed me to say, "No, cousin, don't."
4:53 Travis McElroy? Unprompted, too.
4:54 Griffin McElroy? Unprompted.
4:55 Travis McElroy? Hand-stressed. It's not like the interviewer was like, "Hey, do you think opera and ballet are boring? Yes or no?"
5:01 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah. No, because he wouldn't set him up like that. If you're gonna go after an art form, you gotta start smaller with like jugglers. You, you guys see how much we do juggler shit?
5:13 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
5:13 Griffin McElroy? Fucking, are you circling back around for jugglers? I'm just saying- You're going back to the corpse? We had a pretty fucking good grift going there for a while where the three of us determined, apropos of nothing, actually, juggling's kind of played. And we didn't get anything because we slow-rolled into it. We didn't just say like, "No one's allowed to juggle anymore." Like, that would have set off alarm bells.
5:33 Travis McElroy? Okay, can I, okay, okay. I have, I have a legitimate question and it is completely separate from the Timothy Chalamet conversation. So if you try to draw parallels, I don't even want to hear about it.
5:45 Griffin McElroy? Can you change your light, can you change your lighting in your room to like designate that this is like happening in a different sort of-
5:52 Travis McElroy? I've actually lost control. I've lost control. We're stuck here for a little bit in this dramatic look. Yeah, I knew you'd be in there and- Yeah, I, right?
5:57 Griffin McElroy? Metaphorical?
5:57 Travis McElroy? Huh. Sheesh, both, dude. Do, you know how Vaudeville used to be like huge? And actually, the way that we say someone, do you think that that started with like one person was like in the middle of a Vaudeville show? And maybe they had like heard about movies or they saw a movie yesterday and they like, middle of Vaudeville stood up and were like, "Guys?" This is cooked.
6:23 Griffin McElroy? It's done.
6:24 Travis McElroy? I'm done with this. This is so played. This is cooked. Or do you think it was the person doing it? Looked out at the audience and everyone in the audience is like, this sucks.
6:38 Travis McElroy? The person on stage is like, guys, I have an announcement to make.
6:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
6:42 Travis McElroy? You may be thinking by yourself that this is boring, but everybody else is, and I'm gonna stop doing it.
6:48 Griffin McElroy? Where this is the end of, no one wants our dance sketches or magic anymore.
6:53 Travis McElroy? It's time for the incredibly appropriate giant hook to pull me off the stage one last time.
7:00 Griffin McElroy? Now, I know. My dead body down the Adirondacks.
7:03 Travis McElroy? I know what you are saying. Certainly, there's some things to preserve, but I'm here to tell you. There's so much racism in Vaoville. We could never save it.
7:16 Griffin McElroy? Unreimable.
7:18 Travis McElroy? We're gonna turn all these old theaters into movie theaters now.
7:22 Griffin McElroy? Bye.
7:22 Travis McElroy? It's, we're just, the whole, we're done. We're done with it. The people that are best at it.
7:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
7:29 Travis McElroy? One, you can be in movies. Two, never talk about the racism thing ever again, please. Movies are completely different. Ignore the jazz.
7:38 Griffin McElroy? It's so different, you guys.
7:39 Speaker 02 There's never any racism in movies.
7:42 Travis McElroy? Never any racism. It's not like in Vaoville. Please, you guys can't keep doing this. That's completely separate from a conversation about opera and ballet, which are foundational art forms that have gone on to inspire many other art forms. And if you're saying I'm trying to draw a parallel, you're wrong.
7:59 Speaker 02 Hey, listen, I'm gonna do this as a public service for other actors and stuff who find themselves in this position where they need a pull of like, I don't want to end up being, I think you can safely reference the Blue Man Group. Like, I don't, I would hate for Mike, what?
8:16 Travis McElroy? They're cool as hell, man. I'm not gonna catch.
8:18 Griffin McElroy? They're cool. They bang. Yeah.
8:19 Travis McElroy? I don't wanna like, they already did them in Arrested Development too, Trav. So the.
8:22 Griffin McElroy? You're right. I think Travis was just soft launching his like, now it's time to razz the Blue Man Group. And I don't think that's, one, I don't think that's the organic next step from jugglers. I think we would need to move on to.
8:33 Travis McElroy? People are still juggling. They did not get the message.
8:36 Griffin McElroy? That's true. Maybe more than ever.
8:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
8:40 Griffin McElroy? Not, not as many, though.
8:42 Travis McElroy? That has to be true.
8:43 Griffin McElroy? No, it's fewer people juggling more. Yeah, sure. More pins and balls.
8:48 Travis McElroy? The biggest nightmare, the scariest thing with, with juggling is the number of balls. So maybe they got to like 12 or 13 and somebody was like, that's it. That's the peak. We can't do any more than this. That's the, that's the limit of like juggling technology.
9:07 Griffin McElroy? I think if you go beyond. You think it's nine? What's the record number of little, uh, uh, hacky sack level balls?
9:16 Travis McElroy? Things juggle.
9:17 Griffin McElroy? Don't look it up, Travis. Don't you. I'm not looking it up.
9:19 Travis McElroy? Like number of, number of things juggled at once. That's the number, right?
9:23 Griffin McElroy? Number of things juggled at once.
9:25 Travis McElroy? Number of things juggled at once. All right, let's, don't Google it.
9:28 Griffin McElroy? Okay, well, I guess we'll all guess and then I'll Google the answer.
9:30 Travis McElroy? This is our new segment, don't Google it. Okay.
9:33 Griffin McElroy? Okay, we're gonna say it on three.
9:35 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, the three, yeah, let, take a second.
9:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
9:38 Travis McElroy? Okay, try to remember the question, because what, I've been vamping.
9:42 Griffin McElroy? No balloons either. Balloons doesn't count, because balloons you can like hit really hard and then they stay up for a longer time.
9:47 Travis McElroy? So what is the question? While I was vamping, I forgot it.
9:50 Griffin McElroy? The largest number of uniform, solid objects with normal wind resistance, kept aloft by a juggler for, let's say, two full rotations of it? I think we can, like, because anybody can throw.
10:05 Travis McElroy? I don't wanna throw it with a standard.
10:07 Griffin McElroy? I can throw 28 things in the air and then be like, 28 in the air, I'm the world's greatest juggler. No, you need to get a few rounds through it.
10:14 Travis McElroy? I like your counting deal. Let's do the count. We'll all say a number.
10:17 Griffin McElroy? Okay. Okay, so we're gonna do one, two, three, go, right? Okay. One, two, three, go. Four, 12. 12, 14, and 26. I like my spot right in the middle. I'm feeling actually pretty good. All right.
10:29 Travis McElroy? All right, let's Google it.
10:32 Griffin McElroy? Number of, let's see, uh, 33 consecutive catches. But he's got, so 11 balls. He made the most catches with 11 and 13 balls. Um, God, I think 13, uh, shit, guys, it might be 13.
10:48 Travis McElroy? How is someone not beat that?
10:50 Griffin McElroy? No, my boy Alex Baron, 14 bean bags, 14 catches. What's up? I got it right on the fucking money. I know these guys. I know what they're capable of and they do not scare me. They don't scare me anymore.
11:02 Travis McElroy? Do you hear that jugglers? We know the whole thing.
11:05 Griffin McElroy? The whole fucking thing?
11:06 Travis McElroy? We know your whole fucking thing. We get it. You're not gonna sneak back in and be like, what about the 14? No!
11:11 Griffin McElroy? Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Nah, I seen you doing it.
11:15 Travis McElroy? Uncle Va- Uncle Vaudeville pulled up in the truck. Uncle Vaudeville pulled up in the truck. He said, get in juggling. We're going to heaven.
11:22 Griffin McElroy? I'm telling you. I looked at what you guys did and I was like, 14 is the max. And I can imagine it, so you don't even need to bother doing it.
11:29 Travis McElroy? Tracking, he was tracking the pathways of everything and Griffin said, that's max capacity.
11:34 Griffin McElroy? That's max.
11:34 Travis McElroy? More than that, bang, bang, they're bumping into each other.
11:37 Griffin McElroy? Hey, but do hit me up. I don't know if my camera's out of focus. I ju- I got to. Do hit me up if we ever get that number up to 15. Alex Baron, we're all rooting for you. 15, 15 balls, 15 jugs? Are you kidding? That would be sick, dude.
11:51 Travis McElroy? You're making me wish I had 15 hands.
11:55 Griffin McElroy? Or wait, 30, one for each ball and jug.
11:58 Travis McElroy? Well, and then another 30 to clap for myself. For 60 hands. My, the greatest fear I have with AI is that it becomes so impressive that someday my daughters are impressed by the sight of a human being juggling.
12:13 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:14 Travis McElroy? That's the, that's the real terrifying scenario if it goes all the way back around where they're like, now that's something you don't see every day. Cause they did so many incredible computer movies.
12:24 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Damn it. Damn these computer movies.
12:29 Travis McElroy? This is an advice show. We help people. We say, hey.
12:33 Griffin McElroy? Sometimes we drop the fucking ball. I can't fix Tim's whole deal.
12:36 Travis McElroy? I live in the DMV. I know what you're thinking.
12:39 Griffin McElroy? Mm hmm.
12:40 Travis McElroy? Cool.
12:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
12:42 Travis McElroy? Like that Tom Hanks movie.
12:44 Speaker 02 Or like the mixed up files of Mrs. Basilie Frankumweiler, except instead of a cool museum.
12:49 Griffin McElroy? Stakes, way more bureaucratic.
12:51 Travis McElroy? I think this is, is it the Dallas?
12:54 Griffin McElroy? Oh, my love. No, my boy. It's DC, Maryland and Virginia.
12:59 Travis McElroy? Okay.
13:00 Griffin McElroy? I live in the DMV.
13:02 Travis McElroy? And frequently take the metro to gra- I should have, if I had gotten a metro, I would have known.
13:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, probably.
13:07 Travis McElroy? You know, here in Ohio, it's the BMV, the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. We get it, guys.
13:12 Speaker 02 You're, you're weird. You're quirky.
13:16 Travis McElroy? I live on the plum other side of town, so my total trip is often over an hour. Sometimes I will watch someone who looks like they're going to slash from work just fall asleep. My question is, should I wake them up? I would be mortified if I slept past my stop, so I want to help out, but I also know lots of people uh have ways to alert slash wake them at a specific stop. That's from dumbfounded in the DMV.
13:44 Speaker 02 I've never, I, I don't take the public transit, living in Cincinnati and more than that, working at home. But we do travel a lot for tours and stuff, and sometimes if it's a plane with a meal and my seatmate has fallen asleep, I do often think like, do I need to wake them or let them know the meal's there? And then I remember that there is nothing more precious to me than sleeping when I am able to.
14:12 Griffin McElroy? Right. You don't want to be the thief of that. Um, you also don't want to, to a stranger go, hey.
14:19 Travis McElroy? Hey.
14:20 Griffin McElroy? Time for num nums. Wakey, wakey, num num time.
14:23 Travis McElroy? Hey, little birdie. How the fuck would you decide when to wake this person? That is the thing to me.
14:32 Griffin McElroy? How would you know they're?
14:33 Travis McElroy? That's the, that's the X I can't solve for, right? Like the instant they doze, they may just be meditating. So you have to give them a full 20 minutes.
14:40 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
14:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:41 Travis McElroy? Result, right? So at that point, how are you judging?
14:44 Griffin McElroy? Minimum. It takes me 40 to bust these days.
14:47 Speaker 02 I think, I think we could deductive reasoning a little bit, because it's not the next stop. Right? They wouldn't have fallen asleep. If they're getting off at the next stop.
14:59 Griffin McElroy? What if they were asleep? What if they were asleep when you boarded the train? They've been on there for God knows how long.
15:03 Speaker 02 Then it's then it's beyond somebody else, somebody else responsible.
15:07 Griffin McElroy? Now it's a fucking collateral situation. Maybe they have passed away and they've been on the train for a long time and no one knows it.
15:13 Speaker 02 Then it doesn't matter. Then it doesn't matter. They're not, they're gonna miss their stop no matter what.
15:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I guess so. I, or maybe they've reached their final stop.
15:21 Speaker 02 Their final destination.
15:23 Griffin McElroy? Heaven.
15:23 Travis McElroy? Yeah. You know, at the end of every train loop, when it like, it gets to the end and they just like do a U E, go back the other way.
15:29 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
15:30 Travis McElroy? If they're like, we're about to do the U E, that would be, I think that's a fair time to wake somebody up.
15:34 Griffin McElroy? Well, man, when you're on the train, when it flips shitties, you're not staying put in your seat. That is the centrifugal force of that act of a, of a train doing a hairpin U-turn. Uh, that'll, that'll absolutely put you down on the floor. Um, so that, that, that will solve the problem ultimately.
15:50 Speaker 02 Also, I assume organic material cannot survive whatever that process is, right? How does that even hap? It goes in, it condenses down to a molecular level, goes through some kind of like tube and then gets re-expanded back out. I can't explain.
16:06 Griffin McElroy? No, man, they go on one of those turntables like in Thomas and Friends.
16:09 Speaker 02 Oh, shit, really?
16:10 Griffin McElroy? Big, yeah.
16:11 Speaker 02 They're on the ones and twos?
16:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
16:12 Speaker 02 Mixing it up?
16:13 Griffin McElroy? No, they don't do that, although I bet they could. That theme song fucking slaps. I feel like I've heard that theme song mashed up with like hip hop tracks more than any other British kids television, uh, theme song, uh, that bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Put me on the subway. Sorry, the metro. Flip me around on one of those turntables real fast. Get me all dizzy and stuff. That sounds kick ass to me.
16:38 Speaker 02 You could do a loud cough.
16:40 Griffin McElroy? You could do a loud cough.
16:41 Speaker 02 When the, when the stop's coming up, just like a.
16:44 Griffin McElroy? No, man, COVID kind of spoiled, um, that whole idea now because it, that sets in too much panic for everyone.
16:52 Travis McElroy? Accidental wake up is the best I got. I think that's not bad, Trav, though. Like, not a cough, that's tough, but like.
16:58 Griffin McElroy? A wet lily?
16:59 Travis McElroy? A boo, beatboxing.
17:02 Speaker 02 Drop a big textbook.
17:04 Travis McElroy? Big fart.
17:06 Griffin McElroy? Big fart?
17:06 Travis McElroy? Big fart?
17:07 Griffin McElroy? Rip a huge, yeah dude.
17:09 Travis McElroy? No, that's not what I said at all. I said textbook. None of the sounds in the word I said.
17:15 Griffin McElroy? A big loud, a big-
17:16 Travis McElroy? Travis, it's like, it's like a confined space.
17:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
17:21 Travis McElroy? That's so messed up.
17:22 Griffin McElroy? Now Juice, were you think Travis, Travis, were you more thinking-
17:25 Travis McElroy? Fart dude, that sucks.
17:27 Griffin McElroy? Travis, were you more thinking it would be the sound of the fart that would wake them up? Or just how grody it smelled?
17:32 Travis McElroy? It's a one-two punch.
17:34 Griffin McElroy? I guess so. You're tackling many senses all the time.
17:38 Griffin McElroy? Like smelling salts. Can I hit you with this? Tap them on the shoulder. They wake up suddenly, be like, hey, a pickpocket almost got you, but I got rid of them. I kept you safe and I protected you.
17:49 Travis McElroy? Or you could try to pick their pockets. One, they wake up. That's good for them.
17:53 Griffin McElroy? See, I had that thought. I had that. If, if you touch them at all to wake them up, if you touch me and rouse me awake on the subway, my immediate thought is my, you've got my stuff. Now you-
18:02 Travis McElroy? We're not telling you to touch anybody on this show. That's pretty much-
18:04 Griffin McElroy? No, no, we would never, ever say that for any reason. But I, this is why this idea in particular is an on-starter. But if you did do it, you could say, I'm not pickpocketing you. Someone else tried to. Then they jumped out of the train, moving at full speed. But I say, anyway, is this you? Are you coming up?
18:21 Travis McElroy? Is this your wallet?
18:22 Griffin McElroy? Oh, shoot. Okay.
18:23 Travis McElroy? I've made less strange assumptions when walking, waking up from a nap, to be honest. Like, oh, I think that somebody has, yeah, okay, I know what happened here. As you're walking out the door at your stop, you're just gonna do a real, like, reach through the door, tap their shoulder, you're gone.
18:38 Griffin McElroy? No touching. Tap the window. There's other stuff you can tap.
18:41 Travis McElroy? Tap, oh, tap their window. You've drawn a little heart in some fog you've blown on the window and say, and you've written on it, tiny letters.
18:48 Griffin McElroy? Your butt when you huge, huge fart, Travis?
18:51 Travis McElroy? Griffin.
18:53 Griffin McElroy? Sorry dude, I misunderstood.
18:54 Travis McElroy? You've written in the heart, you missed your stop, love Travis.
18:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that works too, man. We've got a lot of good ideas.
19:01 Travis McElroy? You have to write it backwards though, so they could read it.
19:04 Griffin McElroy? Can you play your out and your, your new mixtape? Pretty loud and say, hey, everyone, uh, hit me up for my SoundCloud details. Um, here's my top single. Stop's coming up, Derek. Uh, and I, it's a special song. I kind of will switch in the name, kind of like those people who sing Happy Birthday on YouTube, but then they cover up their mouth and ADR and afterwards like.
19:27 Travis McElroy? Melissa.
19:29 Speaker 02 This is where in reverse, a sign would help. If you're good, if you know, like, I got forty five minutes on the metro before my stop. A little sign around your neck that says, I set a timer on my phone. I know where my stop is.
19:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, don't bother me, because I feel like if you're on the train with any regularity, like, you know the rhythms. It's in you, you know what I mean? Like, you know, you don't, I don't shut my eyes when I'm waiting on a flight. If I don't have an alarm set, right? Like, I'm, I got a plan. I'm, I'm an adult. I made it this far, this many years, without you nanny-stating me, you know?
20:04 Griffin McElroy? And guess, guess what happens if they do miss their stop? They get to go on a long, romantic, nighttime, train ride through the city, looking out the window, at the, at the street lamps, through the, through the raindrops on the glass, just having a full my dinner with Andre kind of moment. That's, that's cool. That's huge. We don't get a lot of that stuff. Seeing plastic bag fly around in the city. You only get that kind of shit living here, you guys.
20:27 Speaker 02 Justin, is that a Traders branded water bottle?
20:31 Travis McElroy? Well, Trav, I don't like to brag, but yes, it is.
20:33 Speaker 02 That's sick as shit.
20:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah, dude, as a former employee of CISO, they tend to send me all the NBC Peacock branded.
20:41 Speaker 02 I don't get shit.
20:43 Travis McElroy? Yeah, well, Peacock is technically the son of CISO. CISO son, Peacock. So they do send me all of the great Traders stuff.
20:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
20:52 Travis McElroy? Now I bought it.
20:53 Griffin McElroy? I got my whole.
20:54 Travis McElroy? Bought it with a tank top for my wife. Six months ago, I started my job.
20:58 Griffin McElroy? I got a cool This Is Us lunchbox.
21:02 Speaker 02 It says, this is lunch on the side.
21:05 Travis McElroy? No, this is the cape, the cape. This is the cape from the cape, the cape, the cape.
21:10 Travis McElroy? Uh, six months ago, I started my job as a janitor at my local school. One of my janitorial duties is to look at things and see if they're dirty. And if things are dirty, I clean them.
21:20 Speaker 02 Is that one of your janitorial duties, or perhaps?
21:24 Griffin McElroy? It describes probably a lot of them, probably.
21:28 Travis McElroy? I've noticed that now I look at everything this way, even when I'm not at work. How can I stop myself from looking at everything with my janitor eyes and feeling the need to clean all the time? That's from Clean Keeper in Kenosha. Oh, you could do what I do, clean until people ask you to stop politely. That's a strategy that I use. If things are irritating me in the day-to-day world, I'll start straightening a little bit. And if people tell me to stop, then I do.
21:54 Griffin McElroy? And that's it. That's the end of the behavior. It's pretty, it's a pretty simple one to follow.
21:59 Travis McElroy? Yeah, just go ahead and straighten it up. Just go ahead and straighten it up. I mean, it's.
22:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. And then it's straightened and you get a little break from it for a little while.
22:07 Travis McElroy? It's maybe, it may be harder when it's your job and you're not doing it for the love of the game. Cause that's me. That's, you know what I mean? I'm just doing it to keep my brain chugging.
22:15 Speaker 02 You ever thought about going pro?
22:17 Travis McElroy? Ah, Trav, that's the dream, isn't it? But I don't think I have the back for it. And honestly, I've only got one good wrist now. And.
22:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, you need to watch a little movie called The Rookie, Justin, about an elderly man who I think is a teacher, but turns out he's good at pitching.
22:32 Travis McElroy? That's the difference, though. I'm not good at pitching. I wasn't when I was young and I'm not now.
22:37 Griffin McElroy? This would be about a baseball player who realized he was maybe good at teaching now that his wrist didn't work as good anymore.
22:42 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay.
22:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Which is prob, which is a different film.
22:46 Travis McElroy? Good one. Still watch.
22:47 Griffin McElroy? Good, a good flick.
22:49 Speaker 02 There's gotta be janitors. I mean, assuming you're not just talking about like at your house, like you're at the mall or whatever. Go find a janitor and just janitor to janitor. Be like, I was looking with my janitor eyes and they'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, I noticed some spots. I've highlighted them here on this map to let you know where they are. So you can, you know, go take care of it. Janitor to janitor.
23:10 Travis McElroy? What if you straighten it up? And you're like cleaning the spot and then out of the corner of your perif, you see another janitor like, how?
23:20 Griffin McElroy? That was dare you.
23:21 Travis McElroy? This is my life. This is my livelihood. This is how I put food on the, are you coming back tomorrow to clean up that apple? Cause if not.
23:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
23:30 Travis McElroy? You've done nothing systemic. It's a Band-Aid, you know?
23:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, I have a cycle going. I have, you've thrown off.
23:37 Travis McElroy? This is an ecosystem. It's all sustainable. If you could pick that up now, what will the rat, what will the ants eat for lunch? I leave the food for the ants. I have a plan.
23:48 Griffin McElroy? The aardvark.
23:49 Speaker 02 The ants eat all the food and then the rats move the food to their house. I don't have to clean up the food because the rats and the ants eat it.
23:57 Griffin McElroy? We have a bargain. The cats eat the rats and their big bushy tails sweep the sweep the floors. We it's a whole fucking system.
24:06 Speaker 02 Thing.
24:06 Griffin McElroy? The dogs, the dogs are chasing the cats. They have old sponges on their feet and they're cleaning the linoleum. It's a whole thing and you fucked it all up.
24:14 Speaker 02 Now, what do the cows do? I'm glad you asked. The cows chew up the weeds that grow in between the tiles inside the mall because I haven't done my job. And the geese are the nannies that keep this whole jolly circus a-moving.
24:30 Griffin McElroy? I know.
24:30 Speaker 02 And now you're part of it. You're a goose now, magic.
24:34 Griffin McElroy? I know. I know that we have talked about the little lady who swallowed the fly a lot, probably on this show.
24:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:41 Griffin McElroy? It remains a wild one to me when my when I like read, we have a book version of it that Gus wants to read sometimes. And like, I don't know, man. Why did you swallow? You swallowed a dog to get a cat. That's first of all, kind of, that's kind of wild. Like, maybe, sure, it may be a particular type of like wild dog and like a kind of nasty cat. Like, maybe he'll go after it and eat it. But then a goat to get the dog is like so out of fucking pocket. What is a goat going? Are goats famously unchilled to dogs? Are they predators in the wild?
25:13 Speaker 02 Especially once you swallowed all of them, they're going to team up in there. Their enemy, my enemy, you know what I mean? Like.
25:19 Griffin McElroy? Everything after cats just bonkers. Cow for goat.
25:23 Speaker 02 Moo, I'm gonna fucking kill you goat.
25:25 Griffin McElroy? Friends, if anything.
25:27 Speaker 02 They went to college together.
25:28 Griffin McElroy? And then a horse to get cow is like, actually, those are out of order. Horse for goat, that I get. I would totally send a horse in after a goat and then maybe a cow after a horse. But like, oh, cow's bigger than a horse. So what the fuck do you think though? The horse isn't going to do anything, but even if it was.
25:45 Speaker 02 Are you just talking about like mass? Because I think a horse is more powerful and taller.
25:51 Griffin McElroy? I don't know. All I know is that this lady swallowed a horse and she died, of course, but she made it through a whole cow. God damn dude. Like, I it's sad and obviously like it's a it's a.
26:03 Speaker 02 It's not sad, Griffin.
26:05 Griffin McElroy? Well, I mean-
26:05 Travis McElroy? She was a monster who ate a lot of animals alive presumptuously.
26:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, and she had, she had an Icarus style downfall for sure, but like, props, props up. You got a lot of barnyard animals in there before you croaked, and that's pretty impressive and cool. And I want to make space and celebrate that.
26:24 Travis McElroy? I, I was, I was looking it up because I was interested in the history and we don't know who wrote it. But this is, I really, this brought me a lot of joy. The earliest reference in the British newspaper archive to a song about a woman who swallowed a fly comes in an 1872 report in the era about a show called Britannia's Picture Gallery at the Polytechnic. "A new comic extravaganza is here sung by Mr. Buckland, being the story of a Mrs. Somebody who might be anybody and whose doleful fate it was to swallow a fly."
26:59 Griffin McElroy? You won't believe what happens next. See, Tim, this is, this is what we're trying to tell you, Tim, is that there's always been a moment where this person's getting stoked out of their mind for the little old lady who swallowed the fly because it's new to them and they're like, "But she swallowed a dog too? This is fucking insane."
27:19 Travis McElroy? It's got it in there, right? There's no way. Something else. The Daily News in 1896 recounts how a Colonel Chatterton, quote, "convulsed the assembled infants and most of the grownups with an inimitable song about a lady who swallowed a fly." So funny was this song that the people could not, they were almost killed. They were on the floor laughing so hard at this incredible ballad.
27:45 Griffin McElroy? Old timey newspaper language is so vaguely threatening.
27:49 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
27:50 Griffin McElroy? He convulsed the children.
27:52 Travis McElroy? Jesus Christ. Sorry, our first, our first, this is a quote from a, a, a performance of a, of a show about the old lady who swallowed a fly. "The hall was so packed that men were even perched on the window ledges. No audience could possibly have been more enthusiastic or shown their appreciation in greater degree. I'm sorry to not have that first program. Third Officer Phillips and several of the other officers sat in the front row of the restroom, really the dressing room on concert nights. One of the officers recited, 'And I have never laughed so much as I did that night.'"
28:25 Speaker 02 As he told us about a woman who swallowed a fly and then swallowed a cat to eat that fly.
28:32 Griffin McElroy? No, fucking, okay, dude, I know you're excited, but dude, you jumped like four animals there. I know you're stoked, but like, get it right. Holy shit.
28:40 Speaker 02 There was a, a dog in there somewhere. Perhaps the dog was after the goat.
28:45 Griffin McElroy? So hard. I can't remember it. It was so funny.
28:49 Speaker 02 For three hours I laid on the floor of that theater unable to breathe.
28:54 Griffin McElroy? I begged him to stop. I racked my brain. Surely there cannot be a bigger animal than the cow. I beg of you. Summon up no elephant.
29:04 Speaker 02 My blackout was so powerful, I was pronounced dead at the scene and buried alive till I rung a bell and they dug me up. And when I got up, I said, oh, but what did she swallow next? And I went back to the show only to pass out once more.
29:20 Griffin McElroy? What they don't tell you in that article, and because history is a racist fact, is that they also did it. So they did have someone swallowing all that stuff on stage. And there was someone who did die on stage every single night. Usually way before horse. Um, most didn't get past cat if I'm being a hundred percent honest. But that's what people were like into because of World War One had really kind of like made things like really kind of violent and scary then.
29:46 Speaker 02 In the 1872?
29:49 Griffin McElroy? Something like that.
29:50 Speaker 02 Just the fear of the upcoming world war, like they were planning. We've got a world war coming up. We're pretty freaked out.
29:57 Griffin McElroy? They all knew, they saw how fast and loose Archduke Franz Ferdinand was living and they all knew like it's, it's a coming.
30:03 Speaker 02 He's made a lot of enemies, guys. Everybody's mad at this guy.
30:09 Griffin McElroy? Let's uh, let's take a break. Let's go to the money side. Okay?
30:12 Speaker 02 Cool.
30:23 Travis McElroy? That's me blasting off and I'm blasting off to a future where my money is working for me rather than me working for my money.
30:32 Speaker 02 Can I come with you? Is there room? Is there room in your spaceship?
30:37 Travis McElroy? Everybody can get on board and while I'm in this rocket, I'm going to download an app called Rocket Money.
30:43 Speaker 02 Oh, they're separate. These are separate ideas.
30:46 Travis McElroy? Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just in a rocket and I'm downloading because when I get back from space, I would like to fix my finances up. So I am downloading an app called, that is interestingly enough, titled Rocket Money.
30:57 Speaker 02 That's very smart, Justin, because relatively, like you will be moving at a different speed than the earth. So you'll be gone for like a week, but like 60 years will pass and your debt will have piled the fuck up.
31:10 Travis McElroy? Uh, Rocket Money can look at your transaction history. I think that's right. And you'll also be taller. Uh, Rocket Money can look at your transaction.
31:19 Griffin McElroy? And your wiener and your wiener will be a little bit longer.
31:21 Travis McElroy? They hate when you put that in the ads.
31:22 Speaker 02 But a lot of it wider.
31:24 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, guys, listen.
31:25 Travis McElroy? They like that.
31:26 Griffin McElroy? Rocket Money has nothing to do with your wiener getting longer. This is purely talking about being on a rocket that you spent money.
31:32 Travis McElroy? Which also doesn't have anything to do with Rocket Money.
31:34 Griffin McElroy? Not even, not even related.
31:36 Travis McElroy? They can look at your transactions and say, hey, what about these subscriptions? Did you forget about these? This is something we could maybe help you out with and, and they will, because you'll want them to, because they've saved a lot of people, a lot, a lot of money.
31:49 Griffin McElroy? We noticed you've just purchased a 15th juggling ball. Are you out of your goddamn mind? Why are you wasting your money?
31:55 Speaker 02 Aware of the risks?
31:56 Griffin McElroy? Don't you, that was money down the fucking toilet hole, dude.
32:01 Travis McElroy? Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Rocketmoney.com slash my brother.
32:13 Speaker 02 You know, Justin, when you return from space and 60 years has passed and it's only been a week for you, everyone you know and love will have aged and so will your furniture. The stuff in your house will have crumbled to dust and we'll all have cool future furniture now. You will need to update your whole setup.
32:34 Travis McElroy? Yeah, Trav, that's true, except you're wrong.
32:37 Speaker 02 Oh.
32:38 Travis McElroy? Because, yeah, sorry, because I bought all my stuff at Wayfair. So it's very good and it didn't fall apart when I was in space.
32:44 Griffin McElroy? Oh, wow, that was cool. That was awesome.
32:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it was a good idea.
32:48 Speaker 02 In a reverse though.
32:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you really fucking flipped it on Trav, dude. That was actually really cool.
32:52 Speaker 02 I was gonna have you buy new stuff at Wayfair when you got back.
32:55 Griffin McElroy? No need, he's already there.
32:57 Travis McElroy? One step ahead in the imagination.
32:58 Speaker 02 Fuck, okay, cool, man. I'll be, I'll be outside the rocket dying in the vacuum of space, I guess.
33:04 Griffin McElroy? I think Wayfair probably would rather us tell a story about someone who fixed their problems by shopping at Wayfair and not just saying like, I have already shopped at Wayfair, so I'm good. They made great stuff.
33:17 Travis McElroy? I'm a role model, I'm a role model in the end. I'm the, I'm the example that you guys are looking at.
33:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, but they don't often, you don't see a lot of commercials where the spokesperson pops up and goes, hey, you need to check out Wayfair. And the guy's like, I already did. And they're like, oh.
33:30 Griffin McElroy? Thank you so much. You know, automobile, automobile commercials are like, don't even worry about this one. You already have one of the old automobiles and it's totally great.
33:39 Speaker 02 I was gonna tell you about how you should get a new one, but it looks like this one's holding together pretty good.
33:42 Griffin McElroy? Fine. That's cool, man.
33:44 Travis McElroy? If you pull up to the car lot, they're like, you need a car? Well, um, how did you get here?
33:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, we're actually not gonna let you buy a new car, cuz that's irresponsible. That car is in good condition, man. You got another five years on that baby.
33:56 Travis McElroy? No problem.
33:57 Griffin McElroy? I redid this whole office and, uh, found a lot of furniture on Wayfair that fit my exact specifications, including this big, big ass credenza behind me. I needed it to be right in three different dimensions and it was. And they got, they got it here quick and it looks great. There's so much stuff in my room that's all Wayfair and I, I couldn't be happier with it. It is, it is where I go when I need some specific furniture cuz they're gonna get, they're gonna get ya.
34:23 Travis McElroy? I had an outdoor table I got from Wayfair. It's been sitting outside underneath the cover. Just popped it off for the season. Beautiful, beautiful condition. Ready to rock.
34:31 Speaker 02 So find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home, every time.
34:47 Speaker 04 Hello.
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34:51 Speaker 04 No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.
34:53 Speaker 05 It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.
34:58 Speaker 04 I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?
35:16 Speaker 05 Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.
35:17 Speaker 04 Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.
35:24 Speaker 05 Simply go to MaximumFun.org.
35:26 Speaker 04 I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!
35:32 Speaker 06 Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.
36:22 Travis McElroy? I want a munch! Squat!
36:27 Travis McElroy? I want to munch! Squat!
36:32 Travis McElroy? Welcome to Munch Squad, this is the podcast profiling the latest and greatest brand eating fucking get comfy. Get comfy, guys, because Taco Bell blacked out in the booth. I'm gonna tell you about the absolute wildest menu announcement in all of...
36:50 Travis McElroy? Human history.
36:51 Griffin McElroy? Oh my god, Juice.
36:53 Travis McElroy? I, I am gonna try to not use the rest of this fucking show. But if it gets to a point where you're like, Justin, you're using the rest of the show, you gotta stop me, okay?
37:03 Griffin McElroy? Okay, but if it's worth it, then I'm not gonna stop you. I love it.
37:06 Travis McElroy? Guys, other people aren't doing this. The game is different for Taco Bell. They're on a different level. They're having, they announced 20 new menu items for 2026 at Live Moss Live. Let me say first, 2027 Live Moss Live. Your boy Hoops is right here. I don't know who's there. That's not me.
37:26 Speaker 02 They had a Bethesda-style E3 announcement for new menu items.
37:32 Griffin McElroy? That you did not get the invite. That's fucked up, dude.
37:34 Travis McElroy? That I didn't get the invite. So 2027, it's fine, but just like, please, if not me, who?
37:40 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
37:41 Travis McElroy? Are you guys ready?
37:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
37:42 Travis McElroy? Don't look too closely at the screen I'm about to show you because this is more of a cover image. And we are going to go item by item. Thank you so much to Snackaliter for their diligent work in uploading all of these, these incredible images.
37:55 Griffin McElroy? I get all my images from Snackaliter.
37:56 Travis McElroy? Alright, here we go.
37:59 Griffin McElroy? Oh my gosh.
38:02 Griffin McElroy? Wow.
38:03 Travis McElroy? I mean, it's just like the first thing is a salad. Not just any salad, but the flame and hot mini taco salad.
38:10 Griffin McElroy? Flame, so guys, okay, so what we're looking at here, beautiful, uh, crispy tortilla of flowers. Tiny tortilla of flowers, uh, stuffed with, uh, what looks like beans and lettuce and some sort of cheese. But then also I believe extremely, extremely spicy Fritos. It looks like the world's most forbidden Fritos on this thing.
38:29 Speaker 02 It, it also looks like frankly, a trap? That you would take a bite out of it and it was, it's immediately all over you.
38:36 Griffin McElroy? It's also weirdly not mouth, not mouth shaped at all.
38:40 Travis McElroy? It's rimmed, it's rimmed.
38:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
38:43 Travis McElroy? With the flame and hot seasoning around the rim of it.
38:46 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
38:46 Travis McElroy? It's ri, okay.
38:47 Griffin McElroy? Oh yes, I see that now.
38:48 Travis McElroy? We have Diablo-dusted chicken nuggets. Now, I know prices for this one. They're spicy chicken nuggets with the Diablo dust on them.
38:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
38:58 Travis McElroy? Mountain Dew Baja Midnight Zero Sugar. Now, this is just a sort of, thanks. From me to you. I love the delicious flavor of Baja Blast. Love to see a new zero sugar Baja Blast. As somebody who's trying to cut down their sugar, I just want to say, thanks. Not a joke here. Just, uh, awesome.
39:17 Griffin McElroy? Great, great flavor, but the vanilla Baja Midnight makes me go fucking crazy.
39:22 Travis McElroy? It makes you go crazy. This makes me go so fast. And so it's good to have a no sugar one. Say, bring me a bitter mountain.
39:30 Griffin McElroy? Bring me a bitter mountain Dew, please.
39:32 Travis McElroy? Nacho fries now permanent.
39:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, fucking right. That doesn't mean anything anymore.
39:38 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, no, no. They don't say a limited time only. Nacho fries are here to stay. To prove it, we got new flaming hot nacho fries.
39:47 Griffin McElroy? So they're just making everything sort of way, way hotter, it sounds like.
39:50 Travis McElroy? Everything, not everything, but nacho fries are way, way permanent.
39:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
39:55 Travis McElroy? And way, way hotter.
39:56 Speaker 02 Some things are just less sweet, Griffin.
39:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I guess, I guess that's true. Like Baja Midnight, zero sugar.
40:03 Travis McElroy? Next up, would you guys eat these? Would you guys eat flaming hot?
40:07 Speaker 02 No.
40:07 Griffin McElroy? Nacho fries?
40:08 Travis McElroy? Yeah, no way.
40:09 Griffin McElroy? Um, maybe if I was facing execution and I wanted to go out sort of on my own terms.
40:15 Travis McElroy? I love nacho fries so much and I would start eating them too fast before the spice really hit. You know what I mean? I wouldn't be able to recover from that.
40:22 Speaker 02 I, I simply have a weak little mouth that would get burned by it.
40:26 Griffin McElroy? Travis has a little weak mouth.
40:27 Travis McElroy? Milk Bar X Taco Bell Birthday Cake Empanadas. Pretty good. Uh, look like they're pretty sweet. There's like sprinkles on the outside and sprinkles on the inside and a lot of cream.
40:40 Griffin McElroy? There is no sprinkles. There's no way if I crunch into one of these empanadas, there's going to be sprinkles on the inside. This is fucking AI. This was, this was fun.
40:47 Speaker 02 I'm also just gonna go ahead and tell you.
40:49 Travis McElroy? Oh! Sorry Griffin, what did you say bud? Cheesy G?
40:54 Griffin McElroy? I just saw cheesy G sliders, guys. These look like little chalupa, double, double cheese wrapped chalupas. But they're tiny. Oh, I want these little cheesy gordita crunch. Oh my god, I just got what cheesy G stands for.
41:08 Speaker 02 It's also what we call Griffin off show.
41:11 Griffin McElroy? It stands for me, but it tells that these are little cheesy gordita crunch sliders that I can have 15 of?
41:17 Travis McElroy? Dude, there's cheesy G's and you can have 15 cheesy G's, no problem. You can have 14 cheesy G's.
41:24 Griffin McElroy? I was just traveling, staying at a hotel, which is the only scenario where I could eat one of these, because I would need my own kind of habitat for the time.
41:34 Speaker 02 There's a comment on this where somebody commented, "Starting to lose the plot." And it, I, what plot were you following at Taco Bell that made sense until now?
41:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, not, never a cogent sort of, they put Dorito dust on shit. Like, I guess it kind of makes sense now they're putting Frito dust on shit.
41:55 Travis McElroy? Um, yeah, I, I adore cheesy G's. All I care about is cheesy G's. This is my favorite menu item that we have.
42:01 Speaker 02 Love their smooth jazz.
42:03 Griffin McElroy? I can't, I, Jesus, god, I'm so uncomfortable wanting this. Baja midnight pie. What's the sugar situation on this?
42:12 Speaker 02 I could tell you right now, that's some Wonderland ass looking shit. Right, yeah, that's, yeah, you're getting that in Wonderland, you're getting it in Neverland. That's not a real color.
42:23 Travis McElroy? You gotta believe in the pan to see this, this guy, for sure.
42:27 Griffin McElroy? It looks like the Cheshire Cat's face is gonna appear on it.
42:30 Speaker 02 That's not real.
42:31 Travis McElroy? Oh, these fucking guys. These fucking guys with this, look what they've done. You see it, right? They take a Mexican pizza and then they put another fucking one on top of it. They double decker it. They double decker it with a cantina chicken Mexican pizza with jalapeno citrus salsa.
42:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:47 Speaker 02 Yes.
42:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah, guys. I said it. Cantina, cantina chicken Mexican pizza with jalapeno citrus salsa.
42:53 Griffin McElroy? And it's, it's gotta sprinkle a drizzle of red cabbage, which fucking, I can't remember any fast food establishment ever serving up in their menu to any, seeing red cabbage in this fast food menu is like, takes my breath away a little bit.
43:09 Speaker 02 The color palette is exquisite.
43:12 Griffin McElroy? A lot of purple.
43:13 Speaker 02 Looking at the composition.
43:14 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, a lot of, between the red cabbage and the Baja midnight, it's purple.
43:18 Travis McElroy? Dude, I would eat the hell out of this.
43:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:21 Travis McElroy? Oh man, am I hungry now. Get ready. Let's see what's next. I have no idea.
43:25 Speaker 02 Oh.
43:26 Griffin McElroy? Creme brulee crunch wrap slider. Interesting.
43:29 Travis McElroy? Oh, God.
43:31 Griffin McElroy? The image here is overexposed, but one of these sliders appears to be, um, getting sucked up by some sort of brilliant white light. Like there's two beautiful caramelized beauties in the background and then one sort of desiccated husk of a creme brulee.
43:46 Speaker 02 There were two brothers on an island, you see, Griffin. One of the brothers was good, but one of them was a creme brulee crunch wrap slider who also happened to be evil and controlled the smoke monster.
43:57 Travis McElroy? I want you guys to know that restaurantbusinessonline.com said that the creme brulee crunch wrap slider was the best thing they've tasted all year. Now, that's pretty high praise. It's a dessert crunch wrap with a vanilla filling and a caramelized cinnamon sugar crust. I can't even. Like, I can't.
44:18 Griffin McElroy? It seems like a lot.
44:19 Travis McElroy? It seems like it would be the best. You're right, Griffin.
44:21 Griffin McElroy? Pair it, pair it with my cheesy G sliders. Slide me right, slide me right home.
44:26 Travis McElroy? A double decker pizza pie. You know?
44:28 Speaker 02 I think it's gonna save you a lot of time on bathroom trips for the next three days, which is nice.
44:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Cause you'll live there. Mexican pizza empanadas.
44:37 Travis McElroy? Ooh.
44:37 Griffin McElroy? Now these.
44:38 Travis McElroy? Now that's a Mexican pizza that they put in an empanada, guys. That's pretty good.
44:42 Griffin McElroy? That is a pizza roll.
44:43 Travis McElroy? That's a pretty good idea, honestly.
44:45 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, they can definitely call it what they want. That is, that really, the way they have cross-sectioned this pizza empanada does give it huge pizza roll vibes.
44:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah, indeed. But I'm looking right here. Six pack for $6 in this economy?
44:58 Griffin McElroy? I would never say, I would never say that empanadas are a riff, are a fun play on a pizza roll. But when you do stuff them with pizza, it does begin to take on the loose shape of a, of a Totino's pizza roll.
45:12 Travis McElroy? It is like, but it's also, like, we, they invented the pizza.
45:19 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
45:19 Travis McElroy? And then Taco Bell said, well, wait a second. We can do that. Like, we'll do that in our funky way. We'll do our funky, fresh take on it. And now they've taken the pizza and they've put it back into, the, the snake is eating his own tail, you see.
45:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:35 Travis McElroy? Because the pizza has gone all the way back to, out to the moon, like the Martian, right? Mexican pizza went all the way out there. That's like, I'll come back. Now I'm back into an empanada. What have we learned? How have you changed in this journey? Cause you're back where you started.
45:49 Griffin McElroy? If anything, it's changed us. You know what I mean? It's true. Hey, one of these, uh, your first bite into it is gonna turn it inside of your mouth, like one of the bad guys from Indiana Jones when they open up the Ark of the Covenant.
46:02 Travis McElroy? It's just gonna scorch the hell out of you.
46:04 Griffin McElroy? Fucking blister your whole situation in there.
46:07 Travis McElroy? Somehow, this has burned in on my monitor. No matter how quickly you eat them, the last one will be freezing cold. There's no consistency of heat throughout your eating journey. Oh my God. Look at these little guys.
46:20 Griffin McElroy? Strawberry and cream Mexican pizza bar.
46:22 Travis McElroy? Yeah, like I expand the side. This is a, this is a taller one. They're going for some dessert.
46:26 Griffin McElroy? Strawberries and cream. Mexican pizza bite.
46:30 Speaker 02 They're like tripling down on Taco Bell dessert options.
46:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
46:34 Speaker 02 In a way that's boggling my mind.
46:36 Griffin McElroy? They're also just playing with form. It's like this time, we're all about littles and we're all about stackums. We've got littles and stackums.
46:44 Travis McElroy? What's pizza doing in there? The word pizza, what is it doing in there for us?
46:49 Griffin McElroy? Strawberries? Sure.
46:50 Travis McElroy? Circle?
46:50 Griffin McElroy? See it.
46:51 Travis McElroy? Bite? Is that what it's saying? It's round? Cause they have other round things.
46:55 Griffin McElroy? They could have just called it strawberry and cream bite. Because that's what it is.
46:59 Travis McElroy? Round with on top is kinda what they mean.
47:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:02 Speaker 02 Wait, this isn't it already, sis?
47:04 Griffin McElroy? Hold on. No, no, no, no.
47:05 Travis McElroy? Dude, dude, fucking.
47:07 Griffin McElroy? Look at it. Examine the image of the fire queso sauce packet. Think for a second about what looks weird.
47:12 Travis McElroy? Think for a second about what you're seeing.
47:13 Speaker 02 What is it? Hold on.
47:15 Travis McElroy? Your brain, for a second Travis, your brain isn't gonna let you see it. And then you will be able to understand what you're looking for.
47:22 Griffin McElroy? It's a razzle dazzle situ- like you aren't able to hone in on what is happening in this image that is so sinister.
47:29 Speaker 02 This is an optical illusion.
47:30 Travis McElroy? No Travis, it's exactly what it looks like. The fire queso sauce packet is an edible sauce packet.
47:39 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
47:39 Speaker 02 Fuck dude!
47:40 Griffin McElroy? You goose that open.
47:42 Travis McElroy? Do you see what I'm saying guys?
47:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah dude, this is, this is so wild dude.
47:50 Travis McElroy? They're writing fucking Ulysses. They're gone.
47:53 Speaker 02 It's, they didn't start to think about if they should, you know?
47:58 Griffin McElroy? They didn't. Do these come, do these come in a little like special red box that says like, this has super duper hot, this is not a pop it in your mouth situation, you lunatic. You need to split the seams of this thing and apply it to other foods. It is not a gusher. It is the world's worst gusher.
48:18 Travis McElroy? They give it to you on a big cardboard disc. It's the new Taco Bell Mexican cardboard pizza. It's perfect for serving.
48:27 Griffin McElroy? It's like a fried, it looks like a, it looks like a small square empanada full of fire queso sauce.
48:34 Speaker 02 It looks like a nightmare where, where you bite into a hash brown and it bleeds. No, it's happening again.
48:42 Travis McElroy? It looks like if I retired and I was 80 and I lived in a cabin in the woods. This is from Munch Squad. This is the image that you would need to bring to the woods to get me to come out like, I've seen everything. Like, yeah, one last thing. Okay. Uh, let's see. Uh, let's, yeah, queso crack.
49:01 Griffin McElroy? Queso, canteen bowl.
49:02 Travis McElroy? Queso, canteen bowl.
49:04 Speaker 02 It's my favorite D52 song.
49:07 Griffin McElroy? Queso, crack, carni, ah, it's hard. Come on, you got it. It's not a caritas bowl.
49:11 Travis McElroy? Queso, cracked, carni bowl.
49:15 Speaker 02 Canteen bowl.
49:16 Travis McElroy? Cool Ranch Doritos and Flamin' Hot Chicken Nuggets. Yeah, I'll eat 20.
49:21 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
49:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess I'll eat 30 if you make me.
49:24 Griffin McElroy? Cool Ranch Dor, sorry. Okay, hold on. I thought they were selling Cool Ranch Doritos with Flamin' Hot Chicken Nuggets, but these are saying there's Cool Ranch Doritos Chicken Nuggets. Okay, I got confused by the.
49:35 Travis McElroy? No, no, no.
49:36 Griffin McElroy? We needed an awkward comma.
49:38 Travis McElroy? No, it's like you wrote in your dream journal. It's Cool Ranch Chicken Nuggets.
49:42 Speaker 02 This image has also just reminded me that this was done in front of a live audience where a human being that worked for Taco Bell had to get up at a podium and announce these things with some buildup to it.
49:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
49:54 Speaker 02 To the audience, which I hope would react appropriately.
49:57 Griffin McElroy? Oh, you know, they were losing their fucking minds, dude. Are they putting that dust back up on the hard shells, though? That's all I, that's genuinely all I care about.
50:05 Travis McElroy? Uh, yeah, that's a really good question, actually. I don't know if it's got, if it's just seasoning or if they got some like, I, I think there is, the breading has some like corn, like tortilla, like ground up chips.
50:16 Travis McElroy? Firecracker burritos, a red flour tortilla shell, filled with seasoned rice, a nacho cheese sauce, seasoned beef, fiesta tortilla strips, creamy chipotle sauce. This is where I'm always with them and then they gotta lose me a little bit with reduced fat sour cream and then,
50:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:32 Travis McElroy? a sprinkling of cayenne poppin' crystals for a flavor and texture experience that is quote, sure to surprise.
50:42 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
50:43 Travis McElroy? Which is.
50:43 Speaker 02 Cayenne.
50:44 Travis McElroy? Distinct, yeah.
50:45 Griffin McElroy? Poppin' crisp.
50:46 Travis McElroy? It's Pop Rocks.
50:47 Griffin McElroy? Pop Rocks.
50:48 Travis McElroy? Cayenne Pop Rocks. That's what they're doing over there.
50:50 Speaker 02 These scientists at Taco Bell.
50:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:55 Griffin McElroy? I've, I've always had the thought when I did Pop Rocks of like, I wish this had an even worse kind of like impact. I wish this hurt.
51:03 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
51:03 Griffin McElroy? I want to pay for this more, yeah. Yeah. See if I got anymore. Salt and straw taco latte chiller? I can't believe I got that through that on my first try.
51:12 Travis McElroy? Griffin, I was sitting here wondering if you were gonna get it, but you did.
51:15 Griffin McElroy? Salt and straw, it does look like it says taco late.
51:17 Travis McElroy? It's, I think it's taco late, because taco latte would have two Ts. Oh, that's right. Okay, all the flavor fa- all the flavors fans love from the original taco latte, taco late, I don't know, Trav.
51:30 Griffin McElroy? I think it's taco late.
51:31 Travis McElroy? Like you would say taco late, it's, uh. Taco late, an overnight sensation when it debuted in 2025, are now blended and served as a sippable chiller. So it's a taco late chiller. It's the perfect evolution of Salt and Straw's take on the nostalgic ice cream taco.
51:46 Griffin McElroy? Whatever, dude.
51:47 Travis McElroy? So it's an ice cream.
51:48 Griffin McElroy? Every other, every fucking, every fast food place is like, and come to us for your morning Joe. That's not what I use you for.
51:54 Travis McElroy? Oh, you got strawberry horchata refresca.
51:56 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
51:57 Travis McElroy? Cold brew with purple horchata, cold foam.
52:00 Griffin McElroy? Purple, purple more, yes.
52:01 Travis McElroy? So there, that is the absolutely stunning.
52:06 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
52:06 Travis McElroy? Earth shaking press release from Taco Bell. Like, the, the whole world is different. Now, will any of these actually come out and be available here in Huntington? I don't know.
52:15 Griffin McElroy? Man, oh god, if they only do like, one store.
52:19 Travis McElroy? The thing, cause the pie has put such a bad taste in my mouth. Not that the pie itself would, cause I can't get one. You know?
52:26 Griffin McElroy? Right.
52:26 Travis McElroy? I, I don't want them to be, if this is all for the vine, leave me out. I'm a real fan, I want to consume all the products. Let me buy them, coward.
52:35 Griffin McElroy? I'll never eat at Taco Bell again if they do not. The next time I eat at Taco Bell will be when I can order a, a, a cheesy G, uh, slider.
52:42 Travis McElroy? Oh, cheesy G's is, dude.
52:44 Griffin McElroy? If they don't bring cheesy G's out to the store, this, that will be my next Taco Bell meal. So it's the balls in your fucking court Taco Bell, if you want me there, you're gonna actually need to put those cheesy G's back on the menu, please.
52:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah, and Griffin, I'm gonna say this right now, if they ever take cheesy G's off the menu, I'm gonna divorce my wife.
53:02 Speaker 02 Whoa.
53:02 Travis McElroy? That's out.
53:03 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no, you don't, no.
53:06 Travis McElroy? No, no, you heard me.
53:08 Griffin McElroy? It's just that you said that about nacho fries, and now that nacho fries are permanent, it feels like you're moving the goal.
53:13 Travis McElroy? But you hated that wife. Like, how sad would you guys have been if I hadn't dumped her?
53:17 Speaker 02 That's true.
53:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but we love Sydney like a lot, and so I think just like.
53:21 Travis McElroy? Then you better buy fucking as many cheesy G's as you can. You better make.
53:25 Griffin McElroy? You hear that cheesy Jesus?
53:29 Griffin McElroy? Come on cheesy Jesus, you can get these back on the menu.
53:33 Travis McElroy? Save Justin's marriage.
53:35 Griffin McElroy? Save Justin's marriage cheesy Jesus with your wonderful little tacos.
53:40 Travis McElroy? Thank you so much for listening to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. We hope, hope you enjoyed yourself, hope you learned something, hope you grew. Um, and I hope you're gonna buy enough cheesy G's to keep me married because the stakes are real.
53:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, real, real high.
53:57 Speaker 02 Now, we haven't been paid for that, so it'll be on each one of you that for every cheesy G you buy, you mail us a dollar bill in the mail.
54:04 Griffin McElroy? Right. Yeah, that's a weird, that's a weird ask. But that's how we're doing, that is how we're gonna be doing the next Max Fun Drive.
54:12 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
54:13 Griffin McElroy? Um, hey, we got some new merch in the merch store. We got Make It Stick enamel pins, uh, and a bunch of other really cool stuff over there. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels, whose services include educational programs, water drops in the desert, day laborer outreach, familius, reunitus, immigration bond fund program, and shelter aid support in Tijuana to help migrants and asylum seekers in need. Uh, all that over at macramatch.com. Thank you to Montane also for these for our theme song, My Life is Better With You. My, which is my favorite track, my favorite track to move around my day to.
54:47 Speaker 02 Don't forget, uh, check us out on YouTube. Just search McElroy Family, you'll find it there. We've got all kinds of different videos there as well as our live streams that we do each week. Um, we do one all together called Super McElroy Brothers on Tuesdays. Um, and the last Tuesday of each month is a McElroy Family Clubhouse. And, uh, I believe Justin streams on Mondays playing some video games.
55:11 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah, I just started the Miss series. It was a lot of fun. You can go watch that on YouTube.
55:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm doing Return of the Overton and Griffin's doing, uh, a Trial by Fieri Redux.
55:22 Griffin McElroy? Majora's Mask. It's not a redo, it's a new experience. Majora's Mask Randomizer. It's crazy. It's on Fridays.
55:28 Speaker 02 Is that now, uh, it wouldn't be a sequel, a spinoff?
55:31 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it's kind of a sequel to Ocarina of Time. Are you talking about Majora's Mask or this new, anyway, it couldn't matter less. If you follow McElroy Entertainment System on Instagram, by the way, it will tell you when all of these things happen.
55:41 Speaker 02 Uh, also just wanted to remind everybody to get their copy of Choose Your Own Adventure the Stowaway by Griffin McElroy. Uh, buy it now and read it a bunch of times.
55:50 Griffin McElroy? Ten, ten bucks. Henry finally started reading it, guys.
55:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, we did it.
55:54 Griffin McElroy? Fantastic. He's very into it. Uh, he waited until I was out of town, uh, to, to start, but, uh, it's finally, uh, things are really happening for me. I did the throw last time. I don't really have anything right nearby that looks like a great option.
56:08 Speaker 02 I actually have this screw.
56:11 Griffin McElroy? Screw's too little. I need to be able to see it.
56:13 Speaker 02 Feel. You wanna throw, throw the trader's bottle?
56:16 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Ooh, that's a big one. Are you sure?
56:20 Travis McElroy? No, actually I'm not gonna do it, cause there's a bunch of stuff. It's like a bunch of stuff.
56:24 Griffin McElroy? You don't, you don't have a great spot to throw a metal water bottle.
56:27 Speaker 02 I have a Bucky's hat that I can try to land on the microphone.
56:30 Griffin McElroy? Oh, that could be, well, no, we need a pitch, Travis. That would be more of a frisbee toss. Well, that's a-
56:35 Speaker 02 The big boy.
56:36 Griffin McElroy? Is that a plaster Frish's big boy?
56:38 Travis McElroy? No, it's a plastic big boy bank. He's, he's not gonna work.
56:41 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, okay. You're sure he won't exp- this bit, by the way, guys-
56:44 Travis McElroy? His face. Look, look at the big boy. He's fine.
56:46 Griffin McElroy? Do it. I'm just now realizing this bit is going to escalate over the following year.
56:51 Travis McElroy? Doesn't have to. Doesn't have to. Just throw the big boy.
56:55 Griffin McElroy? Throw the big boy. Throw a heater for the big boy. Yeah, dude, that was an angry throw. You never see pitchers do that shit.
57:03 Travis McElroy? It left so much dust. Where'd that dust come from? Is that the chair from Big Boy? Oh my God, it's wood dust. It's everywhere. What's wrong with me?
57:11 Speaker 02 Say your name!
57:13 Griffin McElroy? Say your name, please. Set us free.
57:17 Travis McElroy? My name's Justin McElroy.
57:18 Griffin McElroy? My name's Justin McElroy.
57:20 Travis McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. Yeah, we're good. You're good, baby. We got it. And rap. Kiss your dad. I'm Justin McElroy. Kiss your dad's square lips.
57:33 Travis McElroy? One more time.
57:34 Griffin McElroy? No, we got it. I refuse to do it again. I'm... Stop wasting my time. We definitely got it perfect.
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