MBMBaM 806: Ad Daddies

Our home town boys made GOOD! But don’t you worry, we won’t let the success go to our heads. As much as we wanted to make the whole thing ads top to bottom, this episode still has a tasteful amount of the absolute best ad reads in the game, alongside elevated discussions about special powers, what shapes make the best candy, and how to look cool on the playground. Suggested talking points: How Will I Make it up to Kevin Pereira, Pre-Roll Papa, Strong Hammerbones in the Middle Ear, Sorry it's been So Dusty, One of this Generation's Ad Wolves, Hut Crust, It's A Platform Border Angels: https://www.borderangels.org/our-services.html

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello and welcome to My Brother, My Brother Made Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, all right. Hold on real quick. Yeah. Hey, Joel. Yeah, no, you tell Conan, if he wants us to sub in and do his ads, he's gonna have to add a zero to that offer.

• 1:26Travis McElroy?

  This is sufferable.

• 1:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:27Travis McElroy?

  I'm already suffering.

• 1:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Okay. I love you too. Okay. Bye, Joel. Sorry about that, guys. Yeah. Hi. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf, Room, Room, The Heater, McElroy.

• 1:38Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on one second, guys. I am also getting a phone call. What's that, Joel?

• 1:43Griffin McElroy?

  Bill Belichick wants me to play for the New England Patriots to replace Gronk? Yeah, that shouldn't be an issue at all. I beat him at ads, so I don't.

• 1:55Travis McElroy?

  Was that, Joel, Bill Bellamy wants me to take over his hosting jobs?

• 2:00Travis McElroy?

  All of them?

• 2:02Griffin McElroy?

  What's that? Hold on, Joel. I'm getting a call from my-

• 2:03Travis McElroy?

  Bellevue Devoe wants to make it Bellevue Devoe and Justin?

• 2:06Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit. Guys, I'm getting the call up. The Seahawks want me too. Guys, Marshawn Lynch called for the Seahawks. He said, "Join my team." You guys fight it out.

• 2:17Travis McElroy?

  Chat, did you hear?

• 2:20Travis McElroy?

  Hey, did you hear?

• 2:21Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, guys. Because we beat Rob Gronkowski for best podcast ad reads at the iHeart Radio Podcast Awards, I've been getting nonstop calls from NFL coaches like Bill Belichick and the guy who does the Seahawks to come and play for them. I guess the rumor went around that because we're so good at ads and we beat Gronk at it by the transit of property, we could beat him at football. I don't know.

• 2:43Travis McElroy?

  I just want to ask, listen, we won the iHeart Media Podcast Award for best ad reads. Okay. Listen, it's, yeah, and yeah, we are going to talk about it. We're so desperate for recognition. Here's what I want to say, Harold Dispatch.

• 2:58Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:59Travis McElroy?

  Local Boys Make Good.

• 3:00Griffin McElroy?

  Did they tell you they were going to be pulled?

• 3:02Travis McElroy?

  Local Boys Make Good. Local Boys Make Good is a headline I've waited to see my whole life.

• 3:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:07Travis McElroy?

  And I know maybe you couldn't give it to me when we did the TV show there. Maybe you couldn't give it to me after our failed podcasting bug. I get that. That's fair.

• 3:15Griffin McElroy?

  That's fine.

• 3:15Travis McElroy?

  Although, you know what I recently discovered? On a very obscure New York Times bestseller list, it did appear at number nine.

• 3:22Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 3:23Travis McElroy?

  But anyway, yeah, dude, yeah, it's actually a hit.

• 3:27Travis McElroy?

  But Chuck Norris dies. It's breaking news. Top banner. I can't even get a minch. I get allusionist Rick Thomas performing at the Boyd County Public Library Ashland branch.

• 3:40Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit, he is?

• 3:41Travis McElroy?

  You can't get Local Boys Make Good? You can't, you can't bust me off a, turns out the best ad reader in the world lives in Huntington, West Virginia? There's some mental parentheticals.

• 3:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, there's some context. Yeah, some context that is missing from that headline, I would say.

• 4:01Griffin McElroy?

  I, I, I am surprised Chuck Norris took top billing. That man has literally no connection to the, to West Virginia whatsoever. He was not a West Virginia Ranger.

• 4:10Travis McElroy?

  Been there in person.

• 4:12Travis McElroy?

  They, I'll just say it. I think iHeartRadio Media Podcast Awards were being very coy with me. Were really slow burning it.

• 4:22Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 4:22Travis McElroy?

  Making me feel like there's no cha- oh, we don't even know if you're on the list. Oh, wait, here you are. Oh, you had a plus one? We don't even know that. Oh, we might not be able to let you on the floor. We didn't put you in the reserved couch seats that all the other winners walked up from.

• 4:40Travis McElroy?

  They really were playing it close to the vest.

• 4:42Travis McElroy?

  And I was like, well, there's no way we won, right? Cause they don't even act like they wanted me here.

• 4:49Travis McElroy?

  They always do that to the people who are gonna be winning the biggest awards. They treat them the worst. So that they don't expect.

• 4:55Griffin McElroy?

  We've got a Michael J. Jordan on the list. I'm so sorry. We just can't let you into the Oscars.

• 5:01Travis McElroy?

  I'm looking around. They're naming, you know, best podcast ensemble and they're the guys from Basement Yard Go from a very comfortable looking couch, like that they got to sit on inside a cordoned off area. And I'm standing like three people deep behind the ropes.

• 5:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's so sick.

• 5:18Travis McElroy?

  Standing for a whole hour and 20 minutes.

• 5:20Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, if you had been up on that stage, I would have been uncomfortable about what that meant for our kind of like our profile or our opportunities.

• 5:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they didn't let me up there. I, they did a, and here's some other awards.

• 5:32Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 5:33Travis McElroy?

  For anyone who didn't watch, you can watch the highlights on the McRae family Instagram. I just had a gut feeling when they were like, here's some other pre-selected awards or whatever. I was like, Adreads is gonna be in there.

• 5:44Griffin McElroy?

  I was gonna ask how you knew to record that montage because of your certainty that they-

• 5:49Travis McElroy?

  The writing was on the wall.

• 5:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Griff. Quite literally, on a big screen and it said best Adreads and then us. And they had us up on there.

• 5:58Travis McElroy?

  And I wasn't looking at the screen as you can see in the, in the shot.

• 6:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:02Travis McElroy?

  So I didn't see our logo come up.

• 6:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:05Travis McElroy?

  I did not know we had one until they said, my brother, my brother and me.

• 6:09Griffin McElroy?

  That's cute.

• 6:09Travis McElroy?

  And the deep shock I felt.

• 6:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I had to stop filming. It felt like a, uh, it was quite a long, uh, TikTok, Long Vine, one of those vertical videos that you shot of you sitting there as all the other, uh, award winners in that montage were announced. And I was like, I bet this is building up to like a killer, like a killer gag at the end. But instead you actually got surprised out of your reverie by our, our success.

• 6:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. What I loved about it, that moment Trav of glory is that how you didn't film yourself like reacting to it or anything like, I like how it's like 30 minutes of other podcasts that we don't know about. One second of us, and then you're like, cut the feed.

• 6:50Griffin McElroy?

  You said, what the fuck?

• 6:51Travis McElroy?

  Like, you don't like, I don't react, you don't like ask people, you don't look around at people and like say, that's us. Like that was your moment to like draw focus, you know what I mean? Or like yelp or something.

• 7:00Griffin McElroy?

  Instead you just said, what the fuck?

• 7:02Travis McElroy?

  Camera.

• 7:02Griffin McElroy?

  You said, what the fuck?

• 7:03Travis McElroy?

  Like we don't get to stay with you.

• 7:04Griffin McElroy?

  Angry way.

• 7:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. In an angry way. Like you were mad about it. Let me just, I'll play, takes five seconds. Let's just hear Travis's reaction.

• 7:16Travis McElroy?

  What? What?

• 7:21Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Rachel.

• 7:21Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. That's sentence.

• 7:23Travis McElroy?

  You sound mad.

• 7:24Griffin McElroy?

  You sound angry that we won.

• 7:25Travis McElroy?

  So confused.

• 7:26Griffin McElroy?

  What the?

• 7:26Travis McElroy?

  Cause I was there.

• 7:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:28Travis McElroy?

  Right? And they were like, this guy won. So I had to go, then I went back to the table that had told me I might not be able to even stand on the floor. I might have to sit in the bleachers or whatever.

• 7:39Griffin McElroy?

  Did you have to ask for your award?

• 7:40Travis McElroy?

  I was like, hey, do I need to go somewhere to get it?

• 7:44Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck.

• 7:44Travis McElroy?

  And then I had to stand there for five minutes.

• 7:46Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, give me a second dude.

• 7:48Travis McElroy?

  Second to fucking.

• 7:49Griffin McElroy?

  Give me a second.

• 7:50Travis McElroy?

  You lived it already. You've been sleeping with it.

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  Give me a second.

• 7:52Travis McElroy?

  Just this moment vicariously, and we need to process it. If you could just give us a second before adding any more information to the pile.

• 7:59Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 7:59Travis McElroy?

  Just a quick breathing. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, yeah. Good, good, good, good. And I want everyone to know, I was so uncomfortable, but all I was thinking was if I can get a shot of me holding this award, it'll be the culmination of this whole trip.

• 8:15Griffin McElroy?

  A lifetime's work. Yeah.

• 8:16Travis McElroy?

  So I stood there for like five minutes while someone was texting with someone else until they looked up and said, oh, they'll mail it to you.

• 8:22Travis McElroy?

  And then I was like, oh, and then I had to slink away from the table like, well, I guess that ends this interaction.

• 8:29Travis McElroy?

  It's actually worse. It's worse that you want. It's worse.

• 8:32Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh. How could it be worse to win?

• 8:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:35Travis McElroy?

  Wouldn't that be more humiliating?

• 8:36Griffin McElroy?

  I will say this in this one.

• 8:37Travis McElroy?

  I dispelled our last name twice, dude.

• 8:40Travis McElroy?

  Sucks, dude. Fuck.

• 8:43Griffin McElroy?

  I will say this. I'm, I'm glad we won. It's exciting. It does kill the joke. There was a pretty good gag there, Ron, in five years running that we would continue to be nominated for the best podcast ad read with the iHeart Media Podcast Awards. And we will be beaten out by someone who was actually genuinely much, much more famous than we are. That was like a fun gag.

• 9:04Travis McElroy?

  Maybe we will, maybe with this win, we've established enough critical credibility.

• 9:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 9:09Travis McElroy?

  And I will say the iHeart Media Podcasting Awards have bought themselves some credibility.

• 9:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:14Travis McElroy?

  By recognizing one of the old dogs and one of the best to ever do it.

• 9:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  We invented the game in 2010.

• 9:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:22Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 9:22Griffin McElroy?

  After, like four to five years after it was invented by other people.

• 9:26Travis McElroy?

  Years after the game was invented, we invented the game and now maybe they're gonna start recognizing us in some other more prestigious, more on stage categories. You know what I mean?

• 9:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:37Travis McElroy?

  Maybe, maybe the lifetime achievement awards.

• 9:39Griffin McElroy?

  Oh dude.

• 9:40Travis McElroy?

  If not us, who? Kevin Pereira? Fuck off.

• 9:43Travis McElroy?

  Well, it was.

• 9:46Travis McElroy?

  It was Terry Gross.

• 9:47Travis McElroy?

  I like Kevin Pereira.

• 9:48Griffin McElroy?

  I know. I don't know why you said that. That was so mean to Kevin Pereira.

• 9:51Travis McElroy?

  They gave it to Terry Gross.

• 9:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:54Travis McElroy?

  No, no radio people.

• 9:55Griffin McElroy?

  That's true.

• 9:56Travis McElroy?

  I'll be furious, dude. Dax Shepard?

• 9:59Travis McElroy?

  No. I think we need to make a campaign for best advice podcast. Cause I think that would be a, best comedy podcast, we might even be in consideration. Best advice podcast?

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dude. Cause I need my kid asking me why I lose best advice podcasts every year. That's what I need.

• 10:16Griffin McElroy?

  That will take some of my power away in the homestead.

• 10:20Travis McElroy?

  Best travel podcast?

• 10:21Griffin McElroy?

  I don't even think that.

• 10:22Travis McElroy?

  Best Travis podcast?

• 10:24Travis McElroy?

  Best Travis podcast.

• 10:25Travis McElroy?

  Why is there not a best Travis in the awards?

• 10:28Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know, man. There's a lot of big, heavy hitters named Travis and I can think of three off the top of my head.

• 10:34Travis McElroy?

  I wouldn't have felt so bad about having to spell my last name twice if there were a bunch of other Travis's for the, no, McElroy.

• 10:41Griffin McElroy?

  Now, wait a minute.

• 10:42Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 10:42Griffin McElroy?

  For this award, did you tell them to put your first name on it also?

• 10:47Travis McElroy?

  I don't think they, I think they'll just put my brother, my, I don't think they'll put Trav, I don't think they were recognizing my personal excellence.

• 10:55Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 10:55Travis McElroy?

  I did call dibs on the trophy.

• 10:57Griffin McElroy?

  You did, I mean, you went to the thing. I think that's only fair. I thought Travis would be a really fun bit, cause you have like the YouTube play buttons.

• 11:05Travis McElroy?

  Correct.

• 11:05Griffin McElroy?

  And how many of those do we have?

• 11:06Travis McElroy?

  Just two. And the 100 million.

• 11:08Griffin McElroy?

  100 million streams. I would love maybe photographs of all those that I can frame and put in my background? Like photographs of the awards? Do you think that would be okay? Would that be fun? Can you send me some high-res glossy JPEGs of your, of, of our awards?

• 11:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, maybe I'll do like a glamour shots of it.

• 11:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 11:24Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean?

• 11:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'll set up a whole display with my fucking senior pictures. In my senior pictures folder. That's a cool look. I found that the other day.

• 11:32Travis McElroy?

  I feel so bad about what I said about Kevin Perre.

• 11:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Travis McElroy?

  Like, he's not even that much of a podcasting guy, he's just like a classic media personality. He's got a great name, it was just like a pull in the moment, and I'm sitting here, like, I can't, I can't stand by it.

• 11:48Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 11:48Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? But it's too long in the past for me to like, not Kevin Perre, I'm gonna be like, it's done.

• 11:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:55Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? It's clipped.

• 11:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:57Travis McElroy?

  And I don't know how I'm gonna make it up to Kevin Perre. I have no problem with, you know, like, I have no, no nothing with, I just, it was like a, a quick pull in the moment, and I feel really bad about it.

• 12:06Travis McElroy?

  Do you think, Justin, that best ad read award has gone to your head and you're trying to start some beef now that they're gonna cover in the, in the tabloids?

• 12:15Travis McElroy?

  No, Trav, I think, um,

• 12:19Travis McElroy?

  the same as always.

• 12:20Griffin McElroy?

  He puts sunglasses on.

• 12:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Griffin McElroy?

  To say something that felt not.

• 12:24Travis McElroy?

  They could tell from the tone.

• 12:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:27Travis McElroy?

  Hey, this is an advice show, and we will get to the ads, cause I know that's what you're all fucking thirst wishes.

• 12:33Travis McElroy?

  Look, they're calling it an ad.

• 12:34Travis McElroy?

  That's what you came here for, I know.

• 12:35Travis McElroy?

  An ad vice show.

• 12:36Travis McElroy?

  Let us get some of this bullshit out of the way, and then we'll fire it up and get paid.

• 12:40Travis McElroy?

  This is an ad vice show.

• 12:42Travis McElroy?

  You wanna see how we do it?

• 12:43Travis McElroy?

  Where we do ads and vice. That's what it is, baby, ad vice.

• 12:48Travis McElroy?

  People keep saying, put the ads first, daddy.

• 12:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:51Travis McElroy?

  You gotta wait.

• 12:52Travis McElroy?

  Pre-roll me, Papa.

• 12:55Travis McElroy?

  Forty-five minutes of ads, fifteen minutes of bits.

• 12:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 12:58Griffin McElroy?

  Just, just one little audio stinger daddy.

• 13:01Travis McElroy?

  Just one stinger, insert it dynamically.

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  Promo code, just a promo code or something.

• 13:08Travis McElroy?

  Ow me, ow me Papa, ow me with the URL, ow me. Do terms and conditions apply daddy?

• 13:15Griffin McElroy?

  All right. Too far, too far. Too far, too many times. You've felt it.

• 13:19Travis McElroy?

  I'm a freshman.

• 13:22Travis McElroy?

  Freshman.

• 13:23Travis McElroy?

  Give me an ad.

• 13:24Griffin McElroy?

  Father.

• 13:26Travis McElroy?

  I'm a freshman.

• 13:28Griffin McElroy?

  We're ad daddies.

• 13:29Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, go on.

• 13:30Griffin McElroy?

  Gone.

• 13:30Travis McElroy?

  I'm a freshman in my university's small theater department. And frequently the group goes to a drive-in after rehearsals.

• 13:37Griffin McElroy?

  So cool.

• 13:37Travis McElroy?

  Slash events and the like. They go here for the large playground it contains. I figured these nights would be a good time to, I'm gonna burp.

• 13:45Travis McElroy?

  Holy shit, man.

• 13:47Travis McElroy?

  Podcast award-winning.

• 13:50Griffin McElroy?

  I need to shut my door, I'm cussing a lot.

• 13:52Travis McElroy?

  Professionals. Take notice. Other award shows, BAFTAs, Golden Globes.

• 14:01Griffin McElroy?

  We deserve one of those now. You didn't do it into the microphone and I'm like glad for that, like that means all. I still have, here's what's hard, is it's still. It's still in there. Man. Yeah.

• 14:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's gonna become a fart.

• 14:17Travis McElroy?

  I'm not a science guy, but I think.

• 14:19Griffin McElroy?

  It seems like it would take some time.

• 14:21Travis McElroy?

  Best science podcast. Now I'm gonna fart on the podcast. It'll be in the second half. Damn it. They go on, uh, sorry.

• 14:31Travis McElroy?

  The question continues.

• 14:32Travis McElroy?

  I'm a freshman in my university's small theater department and frequently the group goes to a drive-in after rehearsals, events and the like. They go here for the large playground it contains. I figured these nights would be a good time to endear myself to these kind folks. Trouble is, I'm a bit of an introvert, so I need your help. Brothers, what is the most interesting slash most kick-ass way to interface with a playground to make about two dozen theater kids in their twenties like you? That's from sweating on the swing set in West Texas.

• 15:02Griffin McElroy?

  All right. This, this question confused me for a bit, but now I, now I understand it. You quite all right, brother.

• 15:12Travis McElroy?

  I don't know who that was. I think the videotape will reveal I was quite still. All of that.

• 15:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you have your hands up on your knees like you're in Masterpiece Theater.

• 15:22Travis McElroy?

  Yes, a gentleman such as myself wouldn't burp.

• 15:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man. But you're ripping hoagies back there like you're on the man show, dude.

• 15:33Travis McElroy?

  I apologize in advance, Griffin. I'm trying to stop.

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  What more do you want from him? He is but a man.

• 15:39Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit.

• 15:42Travis McElroy?

  Full out. You know, it can be tempting once people win an award.

• 15:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 15:45Travis McElroy?

  When some pearl items are tossed out to think of them as gods, but I'm still.

• 15:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, flesh and blood. I see it.

• 15:50Travis McElroy?

  Flesh and blood, you know?

• 15:52Griffin McElroy?

  So what are some cool playground tricks you can do to impress people in their twenties? I will say that this is a tall order. I will say looking cool, looking cool, looking cool as an adult on a playground. This isn't to shame anyone who has a playful spirit in the heart of a child's mind. Like, that's beautiful and I love that and that's good. I don't know how to do it in a way where someone will be like, damn, did you see the way they they jumped over the monkey bars? Like, it would need to be pretty crazy like that.

• 16:20Travis McElroy?

  You know, I, in my life, I have seen countless people try to dance funny.

• 16:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:28Travis McElroy?

  In a way to like make people laugh, right? Because of how funny they're dancing and everything. I've only ever seen one man dance in a humorous way that made me happy. His name was Christopher Stoker. Do you know why?

• 16:42Griffin McElroy?

  Why?

• 16:43Travis McElroy?

  Cause he was having fun. He wasn't doing it for anybody else.

• 16:46Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:46Travis McElroy?

  He was just having fun. It wasn't for the audience.

• 16:49Griffin McElroy?

  That's yeah.

• 16:49Travis McElroy?

  He was just having a great time.

• 16:50Griffin McElroy?

  So there's nothing cooler than like going down a big old swirly slide and enjoying it for you and not worrying about everyone else.

• 16:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, I think so.

• 17:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:01Travis McElroy?

  Authentically doing monkey bars? Cool as shit.

• 17:04Travis McElroy?

  I mean, if you did it in a fast, elegant way that looks like you were born there and you're like, "Yeah, I, I lived in the jungles for a while."

• 17:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:11Travis McElroy?

  Like, I'm pretty good with like Tarzan kind of stuff. Like, I've trained there.

• 17:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:14Travis McElroy?

  There's no problem.

• 17:16Griffin McElroy?

  Nonchalantly hang upside down?

• 17:19Travis McElroy?

  I'm rereading the last line here, brothers. "What is the most interesting slash most kick-ass way to interface with the playground to make about two dozen theater kids in their twenties like you?" I have to imagine this is written from like an alternate dimension where mind-altering substances and alcohol do not exist. Because the answer to your question since time immemorial for how do you get a bunch of twenty-something theater kids to like you is you produce alcohol and drugs.

• 17:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:42Travis McElroy?

  And perhaps tobacco. That is a, that is a, that is a patented method for a lot of social groups, but definitely for this crew. If you are the one person who's like, "Hey, I brought this huge bottle of vodka."

• 17:57Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 17:58Travis McElroy?

  This is hu- like, comically huge. Like, "I can't drink all this."

• 18:01Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 18:01Travis McElroy?

  You know?

• 18:02Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, that's how-

• 18:02Travis McElroy?

  And it's not safe.

• 18:03Griffin McElroy?

  It's been quite a while since any of us have been in our twenties, though. Maybe that's not how it-

• 18:07Travis McElroy?

  God, man, I'm just, I'm guessing. I never did any of this. There was smoke. I mean, here's what we all, we all, this is the problem with nobody smoking.

• 18:16Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 18:16Travis McElroy?

  You know?

• 18:17Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 18:17Travis McElroy?

  This is the problem with nobody smoking anymore.

• 18:20Griffin McElroy?

  Bring it back. No.

• 18:21Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 18:22Griffin McElroy?

  But we need a better outside activity that is only outside. We need sticky-

• 18:27Travis McElroy?

  Flip in a coin while you lean against a light post.

• 18:29Griffin McElroy?

  You can do that inside. I want it to be big and messy. A big, messy activity that everyone likes to do, that everyone's super addicted to doing outside, but you don't get sick from it.

• 18:39Travis McElroy?

  The truth of the, the truth of it is, we know about vaping, nicotine, we know about it, but we can't change the fact that when you see someone smoking a cigarette, you want to go join them and smoke a cigarette with them, and when you see someone vaping, you want to go back to bed.

• 18:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:54Travis McElroy?

  That's, you know what I mean? Like, those, you, it's not a good substitute.

• 18:57Griffin McElroy?

  And this is, by the way, we are only talking to theater kids right now. We are only talking to theater kids right now.

• 19:03Travis McElroy?

  It's different for you. You gotta live authentically and in, in your art. We get it. What about blowing bubbles?

• 19:09Griffin McElroy?

  Blowing bubbles is a really good answer, Travis. Blowing bubbles is a really good answer. Yeah, yeah.

• 19:15Travis McElroy?

  Ones.

• 19:16Griffin McElroy?

  Big.

• 19:17Travis McElroy?

  At the Wonder Works, they had this like bubble thing that you could stand in and you lift a hoop

• 19:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, dude.

• 19:21Travis McElroy?

  Around you.

• 19:22Griffin McElroy?

  Rules.

• 19:23Travis McElroy?

  And it makes a bubble.

• 19:23Griffin McElroy?

  They got.

• 19:24Travis McElroy?

  You brought the supplies for that?

• 19:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:25Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 19:26Griffin McElroy?

  They got.

• 19:26Travis McElroy?

  Closest you feel to having magic.

• 19:28Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, dude.

• 19:28Travis McElroy?

  I just made a force field.

• 19:30Griffin McElroy?

  They got one.

• 19:31Travis McElroy?

  Bubbles.

• 19:31Griffin McElroy?

  They got one of them at the National Children's Museum here in DC and sometimes I go inside and I put a big bubble up around myself and I feel like that's the only moment of quiet and peace.

• 19:40Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 19:41Griffin McElroy?

  That I know now as an adult.

• 19:43Travis McElroy?

  A hundred percent.

• 19:44Griffin McElroy?

  If I'm not inside the bubble, like, everything's safe in the bubble, I guess, is what I'm saying. And I love it and I wish I was in the bubble all day.

• 19:51Travis McElroy?

  Do you know what theater kids love?

• 19:52Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 19:53Travis McElroy?

  That there's not enough in a theater kid population? An audience.

• 19:58Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 19:59Travis McElroy?

  Theater kids are always trying to impress each other. What if you were just there being like, that was a great, you hung on the monkey bars for a really long time and I thought that was awesome?

• 20:08Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 20:08Travis McElroy?

  You're an audi- you're the audience for them.

• 20:11Griffin McElroy?

  This is right.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  Being the one person in this crew that is not trying to pull focus will eventually make you the king of the hill.

• 20:16Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 20:16Travis McElroy?

  Yes. Like you, they will, they will come to you, uh, just by, by.

• 20:20Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, or unless.

• 20:24Travis McElroy?

  Unless.

• 20:26Griffin McElroy?

  What if instead of applause and cheering, you gave them some notes?

• 20:33Travis McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 20:33Griffin McElroy?

  You just gave them some notes. Now you're the director of the theater friend group.

• 20:37Travis McElroy?

  The most powerful.

• 20:38Griffin McElroy?

  The most powerful one that there is. Nice work on the monkey bars, but like, what were you think, what was going through your mind?

• 20:45Travis McElroy?

  When you left all that loose change in your pockets.

• 20:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Hmm. Just next time, something to think about. Great job, great work, but I know you have more in you.

• 20:55Travis McElroy?

  Maybe you could bully people and then when they get TO'd at you, you'd just be like, huh? Use that.

• 21:00Griffin McElroy?

  Use that, yes.

• 21:01Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I like that.

• 21:02Griffin McElroy?

  Feeling right now.

• 21:03Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Use that.

• 21:04Griffin McElroy?

  Climb that slide.

• 21:05Travis McElroy?

  Think about how when I just pushed you over the bench and you fell and you hurt your knee and you're mad at me and you're crying a little bit.

• 21:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:10Travis McElroy?

  Use that.

• 21:11Griffin McElroy?

  Use that.

• 21:12Travis McElroy?

  That.

• 21:13Griffin McElroy?

  When I rubbed your water bottle on my butt and I threw it in the trash can, the feeling you have right now, put it on the slide. Leave it all on the slide.

• 21:21Travis McElroy?

  There it is.

• 21:22Travis McElroy?

  There it is.

• 21:23Griffin McElroy?

  I'll apologize later when we've wrapped this sesh.

• 21:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but right now it's about growing.

• 21:30Griffin McElroy?

  Now it's about growing and you need to, you really need to get your fucking act together.

• 21:34Travis McElroy?

  I make maps for a living on the computer and I have a bachelor's degree in geography. Super cool, only I have a terrible sense of direction. If I didn't have my phone for navigation, I would frequently get lost. All my friends and family poke fun about how funny it is that I'm a geographer with no sense of direction. How do I get them to stop? Or how can I become a better geographer? This is from confused cartographer in California. Let's talk about it.

• 21:59Travis McElroy?

  They have fundamentally misunderstood your purpose. If you had a perfect innate sense of direction, you wouldn't need maps.

• 22:08Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 22:09Travis McElroy?

  That's why you've dedicated your life to this.

• 22:12Griffin McElroy?

  We are all attuned to different sort of vibrations, frequencies of the universe.

• 22:18Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 22:19Griffin McElroy?

  I, I have a theory that everyone possesses within them an innate and super, super powerful ability to like know either the temperature or the time or their bearings or like one of these things.

• 22:38Travis McElroy?

  The vibe.

• 22:39Griffin McElroy?

  The vibe, well, God, that's a, that to me encompasses like a few of these things. But like, I usually know to about a three minute margin of error, what the time currently is.

• 22:49Travis McElroy?

  Me too. I usually know what time it is.

• 22:50Griffin McElroy?

  I usually just kind of know what time it is.

• 22:52Travis McElroy?

  I can tell you within about three minutes.

• 22:53Griffin McElroy?

  And I just know it from feeling.

• 22:54Travis McElroy?

  No idea whatsoever.

• 22:56Griffin McElroy?

  I just know it by feeling it.

• 22:58Travis McElroy?

  That must have been a nurture, nurture thing though, Griff, because mine comes from retail.

• 23:02Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  Mine comes from retail and thinking about time in every possible permutation and counting every minute mentally, like I just generally know what time it is.

• 23:10Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, are you maybe, are you a temperature? This is our new Enneagram that we've, we, our maybe 15th Enneagram that we've come up with on this show. Are you a temperature guy?

• 23:20Travis McElroy?

  Um, yeah, I would say I'm pretty good at that. I'm pretty, uh, within, I would say three degrees, five.

• 23:27Griffin McElroy?

  You said it's, you said you're not a time guy. I don't.

• 23:29Travis McElroy?

  Not a time guy, not a direction guy.

• 23:31Griffin McElroy?

  Don't think you're a directions guy for sure.

• 23:32Travis McElroy?

  Not a directions guy.

• 23:35Griffin McElroy?

  So like.

• 23:35Travis McElroy?

  I got a pretty good, I can sense when people are mad at me. Does that count? I have a good sense of, uh, I can read the room pretty well at this point. Hmm. From years of struggle at it.

• 23:47Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, can you?

• 23:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Griffin McElroy?

  I can. I'm just fucking.

• 23:52Travis McElroy?

  I have a sense of taste. How about that sense of taste? I'm a super taster. Do the thing where I put the weird strip on my tongue.

• 23:57Griffin McElroy?

  Man, I'm talking about the axes of the, of.

• 24:00Travis McElroy?

  The powers, superpowers.

• 24:01Griffin McElroy?

  Superpowers.

• 24:02Travis McElroy?

  Well, there's gotta be a fourth one, cause it's not time or direction for me.

• 24:06Griffin McElroy?

  Time, direction.

• 24:07Travis McElroy?

  I'm okay at temperature.

• 24:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:09Travis McElroy?

  What about doing stuff?

• 24:12Travis McElroy?

  Not good at that.

• 24:12Griffin McElroy?

  I have ADHD.

• 24:14Travis McElroy?

  I'm feeling very judged.

• 24:15Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's not judged. I'm not judging you Travis as much as I'm trying to justify my own new, very profitable Enneagram.

• 24:22Travis McElroy?

  Fair enough, fair enough.

• 24:22Travis McElroy?

  If he can't find a slot for you to fit in, Travis.

• 24:24Griffin McElroy?

  Then it means it's not an Enneagram. It's just a fucking idea.

• 24:27Travis McElroy?

  It's not like a square peg kinda deal. He's like trying to make a new Travis bag. You know what I mean? Like it's a new Travis bag.

• 24:31Travis McElroy?

  I'll say, speed.

• 24:33Griffin McElroy?

  Speed is very good. Speed's really good, Travis.

• 24:37Travis McElroy?

  Speed?

• 24:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:38Travis McElroy?

  Is so general.

• 24:39Griffin McElroy?

  No, man. Like when your body is moving, when your body is moving, or when you're driving in a car, you know sort of the speed that you're at. That's super good.

• 24:47Travis McElroy?

  Speed, not just like the flash.

• 24:49Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 24:49Travis McElroy?

  You're not listing speeds on your abilities.

• 24:51Travis McElroy?

  Speed force, God knows I've tried.

• 24:53Griffin McElroy?

  He knows how fast he is at all times.

• 24:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay, that's, I like that a lot. That's good. That's good. That makes sense.

• 24:58Griffin McElroy?

  That's, that's four. I think, think four is all of them. I don't know that there's much else to it.

• 25:02Travis McElroy?

  That's probably, you probably don't need, but I will say, direction, I, this is a really good one because I am truly embarrassed. And I mean embarrassed in a real sense of how little an idea I have of this on a day to day basis. It is something I've thought about. I think about a lot. Like when I look out the windows of my house, sometimes I'll think like, that's rising in, in, right now, so this must be east. And I'll think about it for a second and then it's like. Gone. So like, I don't know what direction this is. Like, I'm at my house. I don't know.

• 25:33Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 25:33Travis McElroy?

  I don't even have it. It's humiliating.

• 25:35Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 25:35Travis McElroy?

  I don't know how to, I, I just, I don't know.

• 25:38Travis McElroy?

  There are many incredible things that I'm impressed by, by my wife on a regular basis, but her innate sense of direction.

• 25:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:45Travis McElroy?

  Might as well be the power of an Olympian god.

• 25:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  To me.

• 25:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:51Travis McElroy?

  Where I'm like, who even knows where north is?

• 25:53Griffin McElroy?

  I know.

• 25:53Travis McElroy?

  It's that way. And I'm like, what?

• 25:56Griffin McElroy?

  She got those strong hammer bones in the middle ear.

• 25:59Travis McElroy?

  I don't know how she does it.

• 26:00Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  She just knows.

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  Griffin's telling you, it's the hammer.

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  It's the strong hammer bones inside the middle ear.

• 26:06Griffin McElroy?

  So yeah, don't be upset. You just, you're on a different axis. That's fine. And you chose this job. I would say this is a job that is probably more commonly held by, by people who are more sort of directions folks. But have you guys ever really tried to draw a map? Cause that'll humble you real fucking quick. I have a wonderful fantastical world. Let me draw a map of it. And then it's like, wow, this looks, one, just kind of like the United States. Cause I guess that's like the only, and it looks so shitty. There's like square borders. Justin's trying to really.

• 26:38Travis McElroy?

  That's north.

• 26:38Griffin McElroy?

  He's got his sextant out. That's cool.

• 26:40Travis McElroy?

  That's north.

• 26:42Travis McElroy?

  Is it? Like, I don't know.

• 26:43Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, you used your phone. So no, I mean, I'm looking for the, the hammer bones and I don't.

• 26:47Travis McElroy?

  Do you think that if we were more outdoor boys, we would know directions better?

• 26:52Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely.

• 26:53Travis McElroy?

  Maybe. But then there's people who are like, talking about taking a road trip and then they say the right directions for it. You know what I mean? Like, I went up to this place and they're like, it is up? You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. How did you know that? It's crazy. You know what I, for me, it's just always went over, over to, I don't know, this place.

• 27:11Griffin McElroy?

  All maps are kind of bogus anyway, right? So who's the, the fault's in our stars, not in ourselves.

• 27:17Travis McElroy?

  Whoa. Well, there are different projections I know that are more accurate.

• 27:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:22Travis McElroy?

  That are more.

• 27:23Griffin McElroy?

  And then there's the one that makes America look so virile and powerful and strong.

• 27:28Travis McElroy?

  So turgid.

• 27:29Griffin McElroy?

  So turgid and bigger than all the other countries combined.

• 27:32Travis McElroy?

  If you had a compass all the time, eventually you'd like connect facing in different directions with like the compass.

• 27:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:39Travis McElroy?

  The direction like eventually you'd you'd you'd think about like, ah, yeah, that E is always here when I'm looking this way. This must be kind of easterly.

• 27:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:50Griffin McElroy?

  I should label walls of my house. Yeah.

• 27:53Travis McElroy?

  That's good. You are looking E.

• 27:56Griffin McElroy?

  I'm looking E. Now I'm looking me and C and then over there, Sua. We know Sua. That's no. Look out for snut. Snut. South north is not in a direction that I'm aware of. Fuck, that explains so much. Why did I label that wall snub? Should we go to money zone?

• 28:15Travis McElroy?

  We waited, uh, we've made him wait long enough, huh? Yeah, here it comes.

• 28:27Travis McElroy?

  Well, boys, the we're we got the the first.

• 28:31Griffin McElroy?

  Do you guys ever think?

• 28:33Travis McElroy?

  I got the yips.

• 28:33Griffin McElroy?

  Did you guys ever think about?

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  Cats, cats, cats, cats.

• 28:39Griffin McElroy?

  If you eat cat food.

• 28:41Travis McElroy?

  Cat, cat, cat.

• 28:44Travis McElroy?

  I have eaten cat.

• 28:46Griffin McElroy?

  Do you give? Do you also know what?

• 28:48Travis McElroy?

  Alf.

• 28:48Travis McElroy?

  Cat is no.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  Alf would love.

• 28:51Griffin McElroy?

  Guys, take a breath. Take a beat. We gotta come back. We gotta come back. We're we can do this because we're a family and you know who else is a part of my family? All your guys' cats.

• 29:01Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. I listen, it makes the most sense, I think, for me to do this. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I have two cats. And my wife likes them better than me sometimes, but the way that I am trying to get into all their good graces is by feeding the cats, uh, smalls. We used to do dry food and they kind of grazed throughout the day. Um, it's been a lot better for their overall health, for their coats.

• 29:23Griffin McElroy?

  These cats look so incredible.

• 29:26Travis McElroy?

  Looking so fit, so, so great. They, uh, they love all the different flavors, although smooth bird.

• 29:33Griffin McElroy?

  Is a personal favorite. You can adjust the subscription. So you're getting just what you need. We have it dialed in really nicely. So we really never have to think about buying cat food. It just shows up when we need it. So stop guessing which meals will upset their stomach for a limited time because you are a my brother, my brother in me listener. Get 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother. One last time, that's 60% off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash my brother. That's that shit, baby. That was good. Justin Beck on the fucking horse, man. Did you hear him, Trav? He like got. Yeah, man. You fucking nailed it, dude. He got keyed in and he just like surfed the whole way. He closed out the pipe, dude.

• 30:17Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck it, dude. Let's not even do the next one. Fuck it. Wait, no, wait. We shouldn't. No, we do. Now, hold on. Fucking dude, we're out. No, let's not even wrap the show. Let's like wrap the show there. Thanks, y'all. That's gonna do it for us. I want to say. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, ma'am out. As we say in every episode, a huge thanks to Squarespace. Also, we do actually say that every episode. We are, we are sponsored in part by Squarespace this week. Squarespace is, uh, god, a genie, but instead of living in a lamp. Squarespace is god. Squarespace is, Squarespace is god. Yeah, Squarespace is life. Let's start this one over. Squarespace. Wait, start it over. I like that. Like you want to do it. Travis had a good direction. Griff, build on it. I'm gonna do big energy. Squarespace. Yeah, big energy. Websites.

• 31:02Griffin McElroy?

  Huge ideas. Yes. Squarespace websites. For you, yes. Zoom out. Do you need it? Zoom out more. Everything. More. Okay. Zoom out more. Okay. The idea. It's not just about websites. It's not just about websites. Goods and services? Yeah, you can offer them both and get paid. I can offer Squarespace. With money that you use. I can offer Squarespace. They will trade in services. So I'll say like Squarespace, if you let, if you make me up a beautiful website, I will come and I'll wash your car and do all your chores for a month. Well, you can offer goods and services through Squarespace. Okay. And get paid through Squarespace.

• 31:44Travis McElroy?

  Um, and they don't say this, but I'm gonna say if people fall behind on those payments, Squarespace is gonna enforce that for you. They'll send out their bruisers to break some kneecaps.

• 31:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they got the, they got some huge folks working for them over at Squarespace. I don't, I do not mess around with those, those dudes.

• 32:04Travis McElroy?

  No, it's like 400 pounds of pure muscle, no bones, no blood, no skin, just 400 pounds of pure muscle.

• 32:13Griffin McElroy?

  They got Crusher with a K over there working for them. And they, if someone does not pay you the money that you are owed through a Squarespace website, Crusher with a K will come. And well, there's a reason for his namesake, is what I'll say.

• 32:29Travis McElroy?

  He has a big metal robotic crab claw.

• 32:33Griffin McElroy?

  He has a huge crab claw and a brain, a visible brain in his stomach, a hind brain.

• 32:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. And the turtles have not been able to stop him, man. They've tried.

• 32:41Griffin McElroy?

  They can't stop him because they don't know which brain to target, but Squarespace gives you everything you need to make beautiful, functional websites. I make them look good with award-winning website templates. You don't need to know anything about frickin' coding, or art, or UI, or anything. They, they got you and they'll make you look like you do know what you're doing. So head to Squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I felt him. I felt the Lord moving through me.

• 33:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 33:59Speaker 05

  Hello.

• 34:00Speaker 06

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.

• 34:03Speaker 05

  No, no, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.

• 34:05Speaker 06

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 34:28Speaker 06

  Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 34:30Speaker 05

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 34:36Speaker 06

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 34:43Travis McElroy?

  I wanted to have a conversation with you guys.

• 34:45Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 34:45Travis McElroy?

  This is an idea I've been thinking about, because we got, we got, the Easter holidays are coming up, and the shelves are starting to get filled with, with Easter candy.

• 34:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:53Travis McElroy?

  And I wanted to hit you guys with something I've been thinking about, and I wanted to see if I could defend it in this sort of like thesis.

• 34:58Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, okay, yeah.

• 35:00Travis McElroy?

  I think Easter candy is the best candy.

• 35:06Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Yeah. Give me some, quantify, quantify this for me a little bit.

• 35:11Travis McElroy?

  So if I'm, I'm thinking Easter candy, here's what I'm like putting up on the bench, right? I'm looking at Cadbury Mini Eggs.

• 35:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:20Travis McElroy?

  All-Timer, Cadbury Cream Eggs.

• 35:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:22Travis McElroy?

  Like smashing it, right?

• 35:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:25Travis McElroy?

  Jelly beans, I like in a wide variety, but if you don't want to give those to Easter.

• 35:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:31Travis McElroy?

  I can get that.

• 35:31Griffin McElroy?

  I don't eat Jolly Rancher flavoured jelly beans any other time of year, only at Easter time.

• 35:37Travis McElroy?

  Those big old ones that are kind of like a mix between jelly bean and a gumdrop?

• 35:42Griffin McElroy?

  And licorice, yeah, no thanks for that.

• 35:43Travis McElroy?

  I love those, oh, see, I love it. Okay, so then, then, the other ones that I'm gonna throw in here are, one, Robins Eggs.

• 35:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 35:50Travis McElroy?

  The malted milk Robins Eggs, that's a perfect size.

• 35:53Griffin McElroy?

  You like that shatter, you like that shatter.

• 35:55Travis McElroy?

  Shatter, err! And then the, and then, I think... I don't know if there's a specific name for these things, but like the marshmallow eggs that have like enrobed in like a hard candy and it all tastes very plasticky and fake, but it's like bright blue, bright pink, bright yellow candy shell on the outside, marshmallow on the inside shaped like eggs. You know what I'm talking about?

• 36:15Griffin McElroy?

  No idea. No.

• 36:16Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so anyway, but marshmallow eggs, things wrapped in chocolate. Easter candy is the best candy.

• 36:22Griffin McElroy?

  Holiday candy. You're saying holiday candy or best overall all candy?

• 36:26Travis McElroy?

  I mean.

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  It's better than, I'll say it's better than Halloween's sort of standalone candy is almost universally dog shit. And I love Halloween, I do, but like, miss me with all that waxing business. No way, yeah.

• 36:40Travis McElroy?

  For a candy holiday, it doesn't come to party. Like, it doesn't come with anything.

• 36:45Travis McElroy?

  Christmas has.

• 36:47Travis McElroy?

  Reese's Pumpkins are the best version of Reese's holiday like shaped things.

• 36:55Travis McElroy?

  Now, I will say the egg is very close, but Travis is correct, of course.

• 36:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:59Travis McElroy?

  It now, now listen, the tree, they're fucking robbing you people.

• 37:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 37:04Travis McElroy?

  Look at it. Look at the shape.

• 37:06Travis McElroy?

  And there's something with the consistency is not right.

• 37:09Travis McElroy?

  It's a rectangular package with a triangle in it. Folks, they're robbing you fucking blind.

• 37:15Griffin McElroy?

  Every, every single Christmas. Every time. But it also has candy canes, which are in inedible shape, but it also has chocolate oranges, which almost makes up for the trees and the, and the candy canes. Cause those.

• 37:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh, look who else is here. It's candy corn is here with Halloween.

• 37:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, this is what I'm saying. Easter is clearly the best holiday candy holiday candy.

• 37:34Travis McElroy?

  Corn, something you can hang on. Can you hang candy corn and mala cream pumpkins on Halloween? Or is that like a fall punishment?

• 37:40Griffin McElroy?

  I think of it as a Halloween guy.

• 37:42Travis McElroy?

  Now, Easter does have peeps, which are disgusting.

• 37:46Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Travis. That's a huge Easter.

• 37:47Griffin McElroy?

  Foul. Dude, they're just, they're just big marshmallows, dude.

• 37:52Travis McElroy?

  They're sickly sweet.

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, dude, it's candy. Candy doesn't have to have a point.

• 38:00Griffin McElroy?

  No, candy does have to have a point.

• 38:02Travis McElroy?

  I forgot that Willy Wonka was here. I'm so sorry.

• 38:07Travis McElroy?

  Now, that's Freddie Highmore from the hit film Charlie.

• 38:10Griffin McElroy?

  Freddie Highmore, if I go and I take a marshmallow, a little marshmallow and I dip it in sugar and I eat it with my mouth, you can't just say, that's candy. Cause it's like, it's conceptually kind of busted.

• 38:21Travis McElroy?

  Candy.

• 38:21Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 38:23Travis McElroy?

  Peeps, you can, all right, peeps, fine. I don't agree with you on peeps, especially once they're stale. But I agree with you. That's not a ringing endorsement of anything, but it's better once it's old and

• 38:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:38Griffin McElroy?

  I agree with you that Easter has the best holiday candy. I would not jump to it is the best candy.

• 38:44Travis McElroy?

  Overall. What, what about Christmas? Cause Christmas candy does have, it's like

• 38:48Griffin McElroy?

  Chocolate donuts.

• 38:48Travis McElroy?

  Christmas candy is actually Chocolate donuts is good.

• 38:51Griffin McElroy?

  And gel. I like gel. Give me a little shiny coins that I can open up.

• 38:55Travis McElroy?

  The gel. Yeah. I do like to eat the gel. I actually like the little peppermints with the treat, the gummy. They're like soft peppermints with the pictures of the trees in the middle with the red and white on the outside and the pictures of the trees. Sure, sure, sure.

• 39:07Griffin McElroy?

  I love eating Santa's flossy beard. Do you guys know Santa's flossy beard from the Mars, from the Mars company?

• 39:14Travis McElroy?

  You invented it.

• 39:15Griffin McElroy?

  Do you guys, I, I can't celebrate Christmas without chomping down at least two to three Rudolph knobs. If I don't get my Rudolph knobs.

• 39:23Travis McElroy?

  There's no Christmas candy. There's no Christmas candy. Okay. So what's better?

• 39:27Griffin McElroy?

  The candy cane.

• 39:28Travis McElroy?

  Red and green M and M's are my favorite version of M and M.

• 39:32Travis McElroy?

  Okay. And you know what? Christmas bells are good.

• 39:35Griffin McElroy?

  Christmas bells are good. Uh oh. Wait a minute.

• 39:38Travis McElroy?

  Bell's a good chocolate shape, but like, yeah. Oh, man.

• 39:43Travis McElroy?

  Those actually got ruined for me because my only memory of eating them as a child was at granny's house.

• 39:47Travis McElroy?

  Granny's house and they tasted like cigarettes.

• 39:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, cause she smoked like three packs a day. But I folded it into the appeal.

• 39:53Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah. Thanks granny. Way to attach those two incredibly similar concepts in my mind.

• 40:00Travis McElroy?

  Every time I eat eggs, I think, God, I wish I was smoking.

• 40:04Griffin McElroy?

  She was, she was on some Homer Simpson tobacco shit. Just ro- robbing it in.

• 40:11Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man.

• 40:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but I still think, I mean, Christmas candy, I think part of the problem with Easter candy though, is the best parts of it have been sadly sort of like distrib- redistributed as like rainbow Cadbury mini eggs or like peeps get re, you know, repurposed and, and a lot of really foul permutations, honestly. So they can't keep as much of a lock on it, but I don't know. I, I still feel like Easter candy is the best candy.

• 40:38Griffin McElroy?

  Um, okay.

• 40:39Travis McElroy?

  I thought, I thought because of, uh, you know, our recent prestigious award, that maybe it would be nice to take a moment and just kind of class things up around here a little bit with a little work of fart.

• 40:59Griffin McElroy?

  We haven't done it for the home game in a while and I maybe that you know, we might have a ton of new listeners and this is their first episode because

• 41:05Travis McElroy?

  Oh, welcome. Now that we've won the award.

• 41:07Griffin McElroy?

  We definitely probably have at least a few ad execs listening and that's I don't know that we've done particularly right by them.

• 41:14Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna tell you right now.

• 41:15Griffin McElroy?

  But the fart jokes we're about to do should probably drive home whatever big product placement deals we've been sitting on.

• 41:21Travis McElroy?

  I'm calling this one CW themed.

• 41:24Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:24Travis McElroy?

  But I don't know if all these shows were on the CW, but they feel like they were.

• 41:28Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:29Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Up first, Sam and Dean Winchester aided by Cassiel the Angel. Search the world for a good bathroom.

• 41:40Griffin McElroy?

  Pooper natural.

• 41:40Travis McElroy?

  Yes, Griffin.

• 41:41Griffin McElroy?

  Pooper natural.

• 41:42Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 41:42Griffin McElroy?

  Pooper natural?

• 41:43Travis McElroy?

  That is correct. Pooper natural.

• 41:44Griffin McElroy?

  Pooper natural?

• 41:46Travis McElroy?

  One point.

• 41:47Griffin McElroy?

  Can I raise my hand for to like buzz in because I'm scared Justin, you're gonna be wrong and think Justin had it first at one of these times.

• 41:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, no, you go. Oh, Justin raised their hand.

• 41:55Griffin McElroy?

  Well, don't raise your hand inside the software because people can't, you know, get it.

• 41:59Travis McElroy?

  How about we just say Bazinga?

• 42:01Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay. That's good.

• 42:01Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Uh, the girls' field hockey team lost in the Canadian wilderness are rescued after months of stink lines are seen rising above the trees.

• 42:18Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm.

• 42:20Griffin McElroy?

  Smellojack? Bazinga? Smello jackets?

• 42:22Travis McElroy?

  Yes. Smello jackets is correct, Griffin.

• 42:25Griffin McElroy?

  That one felt a little, um, highlights for kids, like sort of family circus. That one was like pretty clean and I don't know if it belongs in the work of fart.

• 42:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, are you saying Travis loses his edge?

• 42:38Griffin McElroy?

  I'm saying you stay. Yeah, maybe the ad award thing maybe has gotten in your head a little bit and you kind of like toned it down because usually you'll get like jizz or like other crazy stuff in this one. And this was just like, what if there were a bunch of, um, aromatic field hockey players and they.

• 42:55Travis McElroy?

  I'm not gonna respond. Okay.

• 42:57Griffin McElroy?

  I'll take the point. Don't get me wrong, Travis. I love get that I got a point and I got it right and I did a good job, the best job. But, um, I just don't be afraid to be yourself.

• 43:06Travis McElroy?

  Upper crust New York teen socialites get into all kinds of scandals which are reported on by an anonymous blogger who also reminds them when it's time to go to the bathroom.

• 43:23Travis McElroy?

  For, uh, mm.

• 43:29Griffin McElroy?

  Go, oh, I got it. I got it, Bazinga. Go piss, girl?

• 43:33Travis McElroy?

  Correct.

• 43:36Griffin McElroy?

  That one feels good. We're back. We're back on top.

• 43:38Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man, if I had come up with the answer, I wouldn't have gotten to laugh at it. So I feel pretty, I'm happy.

• 43:44Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Four teens, each with their own secrets to hide, are plagued by the terrifying and all-knowing A, who tells everyone about the time that they pooped their pants.

• 44:03Griffin McElroy?

  Four teens.

• 44:04Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 44:05Griffin McElroy?

  With secrets to hide.

• 44:08Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh. Are plagued by the terrifying and all-knowing A.

• 44:13Griffin McElroy?

  A?

• 44:14Travis McElroy?

  Who tells everyone about the time they pooped their pants.

• 44:20Griffin McElroy?

  The summer I turned shitty.

• 44:22Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 44:23Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 44:23Travis McElroy?

  Wrong show.

• 44:24Travis McElroy?

  I know where you shit last summer. A knows where you shit last summer?

• 44:27Travis McElroy?

  This is where you guys just don't know enough about quality.

• 44:32Griffin McElroy?

  Pretty, is it pretty little liars? Pretty shitty, shitty little liars?

• 44:38Travis McElroy?

  Correct, Griffin. Shitty little liars.

• 44:40Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, poof, got it. Justin kinda said it at the same time as me, but he said it in like a.

• 44:45Travis McElroy?

  It's okay, it's okay.

• 44:46Travis McElroy?

  Okay, one more.

• 44:48Travis McElroy?

  You deserve it.

• 44:50Travis McElroy?

  Blood-sucking brothers, Stefan and Damon Salvatore,

• 44:58Travis McElroy?

  battle over the same high school girl they're in love with, while also battling loose stool.

• 45:07Griffin McElroy?

  May I?

• 45:08Travis McElroy?

  Vampire diarrhea.

• 45:11Travis McElroy?

  I've given it to Justin on that one. Vampire diarrhea is correct.

• 45:15Griffin McElroy?

  I was in the wrong, I was in the wrong zip code. I was thinking.

• 45:18Travis McElroy?

  Why you mean, why did you say I'm giving it to Justin after I said vampire diarrhea's?

• 45:23Travis McElroy?

  Because Griffin said, "May I?" before you said anything.

• 45:26Griffin McElroy?

  I was gonna say poo blood. I was gonna say poo blood.

• 45:28Travis McElroy?

  Is that what?

• 45:28Griffin McElroy?

  I was gonna say poo blood.

• 45:29Travis McElroy?

  I think I've actually done poo blood before.

• 45:32Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Travis. That was great. I really grew a lot.

• 45:35Griffin McElroy?

  Who won, Travis? Who did the best job?

• 45:37Travis McElroy?

  You did win, Griffin, four to one.

• 45:41Griffin McElroy?

  It still feels good.

• 45:42Travis McElroy?

  What? How much show can we put into one show?

• 45:51Travis McElroy?

  I want a month squad.

• 45:54Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 45:55Travis McElroy?

  Dear month squad.

• 46:00Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad, the podcast with a podcast profile of the latest greatest of brand eating. And, uh, this, this, this one's a doozy. Pizza Hut launches national campaign, updates hand tossed crust recipe. Now, this is one of my favorite things. Anytime, uh, a restaurant chain has to say, one of our staples has this entire time, not as we've been saying been the best, but it's actually been so bad that we want to change it. And I always like to see how people handle this story.

• 46:30Travis McElroy?

  We've been hiding the truth. We've been suppressing the truth. People have been trying to get the word out. We've had them killed.

• 46:37Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, it's been so dusty, guys. We couldn't figure out why it was so dusty without ruining the.

• 46:43Travis McElroy?

  So hard. We're giving everything.

• 46:45Griffin McElroy?

  We're giving everything, but I swear to God, we're doing this thing in a fully sterile environment.

• 46:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm getting it together.

• 46:52Griffin McElroy?

  We're doing our best, Janine, but the dust keeps coming back onto the pizza. It's so hard and granular. And if you think it's bad for us, imagine what it's like for our employees that are all dusty.

• 47:03Travis McElroy?

  When it comes to pizza, crust isn't just a detail. It's the main event. Now, this is the part.

• 47:10Travis McElroy?

  This is where you have, this is where you have to brace yourself, right? Because this is where it gets even worse because Pizza Hut is saying like the most important thing. And we've been fucking up and we're so, we're so sorry. At Pizza Hut.

• 47:24Travis McElroy?

  It's also like such a, yeah, in that it's like when you're buying a car, it having like exterior.

• 47:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:36Travis McElroy?

  Is the main event. And it's like, yeah, it might not be the main thing I look for, but without it.

• 47:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:42Travis McElroy?

  It does kind of.

• 47:43Griffin McElroy?

  Soup. It ceased to work.

• 47:45Travis McElroy?

  Bad soup.

• 47:46Travis McElroy?

  Pizza Hut, crust rams supreme. Pizza Hut is officially introducing Hut Crust. A new platform, celebrating the bold recognizable crusts that have defined the brand for generations. At the center of this platform is a crave worthy $10 large three topping pizza. Available on fan's choice of three iconic crusts. The new and improved hand tossed tavern style or thin and crispy.

• 48:14Travis McElroy?

  What's tavern style?

• 48:16Travis McElroy?

  It's like, um, it's like a flat. I think it's like a New York style. Like, I don't actually know. I've never gotten it. Did you say it was Hut Crust?

• 48:26Griffin McElroy?

  Hut Crust. Travis and it's not a crust. It's a platform.

• 48:30Travis McElroy?

  It's a platform. This pie day Pizza Hut announces it is on the hunt. For a real paid gig. And this is why I wanted to bring this story to you. Hut Crust Connoisseur, a first of its kind project created to celebrate the people who love pizza crust most. The Hut Crust Connoisseur becomes the official guardian of the Hut Crust platform.

• 48:54Griffin McElroy?

  Guardian is awesome.

• 48:55Travis McElroy?

  Now what?

• 48:59Travis McElroy?

  People who apply must be willing to have all kinds of crazy sex. Once they get the job for everyone will devour, will desire them.

• 49:10Travis McElroy?

  Will you take up the sword to defend the crust? Traveler. Many have come before you and sworn allegiance to defend the crust.

• 49:20Travis McElroy?

  This. Once a century, uh, yes. So Sajo, the pizza demon will rise from hell. This date. And God, you must defeat him. Please.

• 49:30Griffin McElroy?

  This date is going so well. It's so hard to meet people in the big city. What, uh, what did you say your job was? What'd you say your job was again? You're a pizza crust guardian. Sasa Joe. Well, he sounds terrible.

• 49:43Travis McElroy?

  Well, only here in the Americas.

• 49:46Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 49:47Travis McElroy?

  Across, across the oceans, there are many pizza crust guardians. And once a millennia, we come together.

• 49:56Travis McElroy?

  This is why they killed that Buffy reboot. They were like. Sarah Michelle Gellar is like, it's gonna be about pizza crust. It's gonna be about nothing. And they're like, okay, Sarah, then it's about nothing. Then you have to go. It's a first of its kind. Okay. The Hut Crust Connoisseur. The Hut Crust Connoisseur becomes, well, first of all, becomes the only people whose job is harder to explain to my grandpa Dan than mine. The Hut Crust Connoisseur becomes the official guardian of Hut Crust Platform. Responsible for tasting and testing all new crust innovations to ensure they

• 50:31Travis McElroy?

  Make sure they're not poisoned for the king.

• 50:33Griffin McElroy?

  Is he guarding the platform from Pizza Hut?

• 50:38Travis McElroy?

  You've got, you've got to let me get through this fucking sentence.

• 50:43Travis McElroy?

  Listen, we did a bad job for decades. If we start to backslide, it's your job to call us on our bullshit.

• 50:51Travis McElroy?

  The Hut Crust Connoisseur becomes the official guardian of the Hut Crust Platform. Responsible for tasting and testing all new crust innovations to ensure they meet Pizza Hut's iconic standards. So what they're basically saying is they're hiring like CI, they're hiring like internal investigations.

• 51:18Travis McElroy?

  They're hiring like the department. So it's like an internal bureau that's like extra pizza, like they're extra, extra judicial, they're extra saucy, they're extra outside the law, right? There's just crust.

• 51:30Griffin McElroy?

  Arbiter of sorts, if you will.

• 51:32Travis McElroy?

  An arbiter of the crust that protects it sometimes, which what Pizza Hut is saying here is like, we have proven ourselves to be a poor steward of this crust.

• 51:41Travis McElroy?

  We can't be trusted.

• 51:46Travis McElroy?

  The Hut Crust Connoisseur.

• 51:47Travis McElroy?

  Can be trusted.

• 51:48Griffin McElroy?

  It's awesome.

• 51:49Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Pizza Hut.

• 51:50Griffin McElroy?

  This is so good because then if the pizza is still bad, they can be like blame fucking Jeremy. He's the guardian of the pizza.

• 51:57Travis McElroy?

  Choice. Here's a video of him saying it was choice. Yes, that means literally getting paid to eat pizza crust. And a $31,415.92 payment plus free pizza for a year.

• 52:15Travis McElroy?

  Wait, that's it?

• 52:16Griffin McElroy?

  That is not a job. That's not a job.

• 52:18Travis McElroy?

  That's not a job. That's not.

• 52:19Travis McElroy?

  I just feel like for a year, money aside, the money doesn't bother me. Don't pay me anything, but like.

• 52:28Travis McElroy?

  I'm not going to be able to control the legacy in the way that I need to in 12 months. You know what I mean? There's going to be executive turnover that I have to be above. Like, I have to be inherited. You know, if the pizza crust guardian isn't part of the furniture, it's not like in the DNA of the place. You're going to lose track of it. You can't do that in a year. It takes generations.

• 52:51Travis McElroy?

  Well, Justin, I assume that that is based off of the projection that if you eat, let's say, a pizza a day for a year because it's free, you'll die.

• 52:59Travis McElroy?

  You will pass. Yeah, okay, yeah.

• 53:01Travis McElroy?

  So then we'll need to pass the torch to the next one. It's a blessing and a curse, the Hut Crust Connoisseur job.

• 53:08Travis McElroy?

  Um, I need you guys to get ready to do a little bit of, uh, social media research for me. I need you to check this hashtag. Pizza Hut crust. That's it. Just hashtag. Hashtag Pizza Hut crust. Blue Sky, do you hashtag? To be considered for the gig, pizza lovers must try Pizza Hut's new hand-tossed pizza recipe and post an honest review on Instagram using hashtag Pizza Hut crust. My bad. On the, on the gram, thank you. Pizza Hut crust, hashtag Pizza Hut underscore contest and Hut Crust Connoisseur in the social media post, sharing what they thought of the crust. Applicants then head to Pizza Hut crust as to spend a link to their review as their official application. Griffin, how's it going? I, I'm, I'm logging in. What's my password?

• 53:55Travis McElroy?

  Travis?

• 53:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, let me see here.

• 53:58Travis McElroy?

  You were just logged into our account for the takeover, right? So you're not logged in either.

• 54:01Travis McElroy?

  Well, there's fewer than 100 posts, Justin. I know that much.

• 54:05Travis McElroy?

  If someone could just. So the odds are like, pretty good, right? Like, pretty good?

• 54:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, there's not a lot.

• 54:14Travis McElroy?

  There's not a lot?

• 54:16Travis McElroy?

  But there's people having a lot of fun here. Good for them.

• 54:21Travis McElroy?

  But I'm just saying, if we could get somebody. Fewer than 100 posts. On the, I'm just saying, if we could get somebody on the inside. Anyone of y'all?

• 54:30Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no, dude.

• 54:31Travis McElroy?

  Could be.

• 54:32Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, dude.

• 54:34Travis McElroy?

  No, what? What's that? No? Why not?

• 54:36Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, that's just the tummy aches for starters.

• 54:39Travis McElroy?

  No, not you. One of them.

• 54:41Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I thought you were talking to me and Travis.

• 54:44Travis McElroy?

  That's the problem with, no, no, not them. Travis isn't even looking at me. I don't know. No, I'm just going through other people's applications to see how I would stack up. I'm not, you can't have a job. You have a job. We need to get somebody on the inside.

• 54:56Griffin McElroy?

  I could get it.

• 54:57Travis McElroy?

  Of course. Griffin, you're one of our generation's great storytellers.

• 55:00Griffin McElroy?

  I love our generation's great, add, add.

• 55:04Travis McElroy?

  I mean, obviously.

• 55:07Travis McElroy?

  To bring this, okay, so the Hutcrust platform, I can't believe this is as long as it is. The Hutcrust platform shines a spotlight on Pizza Hut's new and improved hand tossed pizza. The brand's first update to the recipe in over a decade. Their refreshed crust delivers a lighter, airier bite with just the right balance of softness and crisp, bringing a modern upgrade to a classic west. I'm gonna order this for lunch. I'm gonna order this right now. I'm fucking starving. To bring Hutcrust to life, Pizza Hut is launching a new national campaign set to remake. This is the one where you're gonna be like, holy shit, I can't believe it. They did it. It's a campaign set to a remake of the iconic disco anthem Hot Stuff,

• 55:52Travis McElroy?

  reimagined as Hutcrust.

• 55:54Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. I think actually, I can imagine it.

• 55:57Travis McElroy?

  Baby this evening.

• 55:58Griffin McElroy?

  I can imagine it completely start to finish.

• 56:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, uh, well, you don't have to. The spot opens on an indulgent close up of golden crispy hand tossed crust as the meat kicks in. Layering craveable pizza beauty shots with lyrics celebrating the crust fans can't stop singing about. So that's what's, it's like.

• 56:18Griffin McElroy?

  That's what's in it.

• 56:19Travis McElroy?

  If you watch it.

• 56:20Griffin McElroy?

  You don't have to watch it now. We described it pretty good.

• 56:21Travis McElroy?

  You don't have to watch it now. Crust is at the heart of a great pizza and fans have been asking for more ways to celebrate it, says Melissa Freebie, Chief Marketing Officer at Pizza Hut. With Hut Crust, we're not only introducing a new hand tossed recipe that elevates a fan favorite, but we're also offering a $10 large three topping deal that gives people real value every time they order. And for those who live for crust, the new Hut Crust Colosseum is a dream come true. A way to get paid for tasting and loving crust every day and then dying promptly afterwards in a cut in a fashion you will find most desirable, piggy.

• 57:04Travis McElroy?

  Hey Steve, how you been lately? Oh, I don't know, man. You know, my wife left me and I lost my job, but honestly, I still got a lot to live for because of the pizza crust. I live for that pizza crust.

• 57:20Griffin McElroy?

  Because of my views and the way I express them, I've been banned from every social media platform, but I've finally found a platform that will have me and it's the Hut Crust platform, the platform of Hut Crust.

• 57:34Travis McElroy?

  Y'all, this thing closes on the 25th. They're still trying. The odds are good. The odds are very good. Please, please become our person on the inside of the Pizza Hut. I mean, it's a pyramid.

• 57:54Griffin McElroy?

  It is a pyramid business. I'm glad we can all finally, it all funnels up to the top. No one's making money, except for Professor Pizza Hut.

• 58:03Travis McElroy?

  Hey everybody, that's gonna do it for us. Before we let you go, we did actually win. I don't know, it might've seemed like a bit this whole time, but we did actually win. We have a limited release. It's an Omner to Win shirt as a follow up to our Omner to Be Nominated t-shirt. We've got the Helping is Always a Free Action t-shirt over at macroandmerch.com and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels. So make sure you go check that out along with everything else.

• 58:32Griffin McElroy?

  We stream almost every day playing video games. Yeah. If you go to McRoy Entertainment System on Instagram, you can find out when we are gonna do it. On Tuesdays, we all get together for Super McRoy Brothers. And then on Fridays, I do Trial by Fury. Juice is playing Mist on Mondays. Travis is up on Oberdin on Wednesdays. Just follow McRoy Entertainment System. You'll find out exactly when we're doing all that stuff. And thanks to Montane also. Thanks to Montane for the Easter theme song, "My Life is Better With You." It's a great track. Travis has a little flail. Travis has a little morning stir. I got a little flail made here that I'm gonna throw.

• 59:07Travis McElroy?

  You mentioned Conan. I just wanna say, I am sorry about that. Cause I can't imagine the high he experienced on hosting the Oscars.

• 59:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 59:16Travis McElroy?

  And then the next day.

• 59:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 59:18Travis McElroy?

  To lose Best Ad Read to us. Like, that must've been.

• 59:22Griffin McElroy?

  That must've been tough.

• 59:23Travis McElroy?

  I would love to talk to, if any of you guys know Conan, and I can just tell him like, I would love to be able to have the, here's what it is. I would love the opportunity to be able to be classy to everybody in the way that they get to be like, "What an honor to be amongst this class of the greats of," you know what I mean? Like, I would like to be able to do that to everybody, to their face. Like, I would like to be able to like, say to Conan directly, like, "Hey, what an honor." Like, it should've been.

• 59:50Griffin McElroy?

  Like, Michael B. Jordan giving Shalhoub the hug, like.

• 59:53Travis McElroy?

  Like, you give him the.

• 59:54Griffin McElroy?

  He said, "Better luck next time, ping pong, ping pong guy. Maybe don't talk shit."

• 59:58Travis McElroy?

  Fuck, man, I did wanna talk about how rough, damn.

• 1:00:01Griffin McElroy?

  No, we don't have time. Travis?

• 1:00:02Travis McElroy?

  Damn, next week, next week, next week. Next week, we gotta talk about Timmy Chimi.

• 1:00:06Griffin McElroy?

  Chuck that little 3D printed flail. It's gonna make a good sound.

• 1:00:09Travis McElroy?

  Timmy Chimi next week, baby.

• 1:00:10Griffin McElroy?

  Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

• 1:00:12Travis McElroy?

  Your name's Mud. Nah, you're Timmy Chimi, but.

• 1:00:17Griffin McElroy?

  So, thanks for listening. I'm Griffin for the Mac.

• 1:00:20Travis McElroy?

  I didn't even hear it.

• 1:00:21Griffin McElroy?

  He did, it was really little. Hit something not your soft chair, man. It didn't make a good sound.

• 1:00:26Travis McElroy?

  Ow, fuck, it bounced back. There, that counts.

• 1:00:29Griffin McElroy?

  Mine is Justin McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy.

• 1:00:33Travis McElroy?

  They never talk about that in the movie.

• 1:00:35Griffin McElroy?

  In baseball, how the ball sometimes bounces back.

• 1:00:37Travis McElroy?

  No, it's cause it's got spikes on it.

• 1:00:39Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, say your name or we're not free.

• 1:00:42Travis McElroy?

  My brother, my brother, me kiss your dad square on the lips. It hurts so bad, I got red marks.

• 1:01:19Speaker 07

  Maximum Fun.

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.