Felipe Esparza

Felipe Esparza: the comedian with the wild hair and even wilder stories! Known for his Netflix specials Translate This and Bad Decisions, Felipe brings his raw, relatable humor straight from the streets of East LA to stages worldwide. Winner of Last Comic Standing, his sharp wit and unforgettable catchphrase—"What's up, fool?"—make him a crowd favorite. Whether he's riffing on family, culture, or his own bad decisions, Felipe keeps it real, hilarious, and uniquely himself. #felipeesparza #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast ============================================ Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS MANDO Use Promo Code: WHISKEY FOR $5 OFF YOUR ORDER http://shopmando.com HUEL Use Promo Code: WHISKEY FOR 15% OFF YOUR ORDER https://huel.com/whiskey VERSO PROMO CODE: WHISKEY 15% OFF YOUR 1ST ORDER http://ver.so BIOPTIMIZERS PROMO CODE: WHISKEY 25% OFF YOUR ORDER http://bioptimizers.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Andrew Santino?

  What up Whiskey Ginger fans, welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Leave a comment down below for the algo rhythm. We got a great show today and also I am back out on tour. I got only so many dates left to finalize the tour until we're donezo in februery. So left this year, I'm going to New Orleans. I'll be in New Orleans and San Antonio. Come on out and see your boy. Then in the new year, I'm bouncing all over the place. I'm going to be going to Chicago, I'm going to be going to Boston, Philly, New York,

• 0:40Andrew Santino?

  Durham, San Diego, San Francisco, Arizona, Phoenix, Minnesota. Boston, we added a bunch of shows. Minnesota, we added shows. San Diego, we added shows. Come out and see your boy. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets, andrewsantino.com.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy ginger.

• 1:08Speaker 03

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:11Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:23Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth, they're from, I guess, what I mean once again today, it's Felipe Esparza.

• 1:30Speaker 05

  What's up, man? Thank you for having me, man.

• 1:32Andrew Santino?

  Felipe Esparza.

• 1:33Speaker 05

  Haven't seen you since Birdcrash's birthday.

• 1:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, did you eat some of that cake?

• 1:37Speaker 05

  Tom Cruise.

• 1:38Andrew Santino?

  Tom Cruise cake?

• 1:39Speaker 05

  Yeah. It was good.

• 1:41Andrew Santino?

  Did you like it?

• 1:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:42Andrew Santino?

  I thought the other stuff was better.

• 1:43Speaker 05

  It had the white chocolate chips instead of dough.

• 1:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I just, I don't like coconut.

• 1:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:50Andrew Santino?

  I don't know what it is, I never liked coconut. You like coconut?

• 1:52Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Mexicans like coconut.

• 1:54Speaker 05

  Not all of us, mostly like all the Latinos from the Caribbean.

• 1:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, then yeah.

• 2:01Speaker 05

  Then they like coconut. Coconut milk, coconut butter.

• 2:04Andrew Santino?

  What's your favorite, what's your favorite Latino dessert?

• 2:09Speaker 05

  I don't know, man. Our, our, our, um, our desserts are not that as sweet as American sweets.

• 2:15Andrew Santino?

  But I don't like super sweet.

• 2:17Speaker 05

  Then, um, I don't know. Just leches?

• 2:20Andrew Santino?

  Just leches is good.

• 2:21Speaker 05

  I'm sorry, not just leches. I like rice pudding.

• 2:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, rice pudding. You like, um, uh, you don't like flan. You don't like that.

• 2:29Speaker 05

  Flan's good. I can fuck with that.

• 2:31Andrew Santino?

  It's alright.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  But what's the other one? It's custard, right?

• 2:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah. It's like a, it's like a custard consistency.

• 2:37Speaker 05

  Shout out to Denver, man. They have a lot of custard restaurants over there.

• 2:41Andrew Santino?

  Do they? In Denver?

• 2:43Speaker 05

  Yes, man. They have a place called Freddy's and they, they serve, um, a billion types of custard. I, I didn't know you could eat custard in a cup. I thought it was just like a custard pie.

• 2:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:54Speaker 05

  But they serve it with like a fucking ice cream over there.

• 2:57Andrew Santino?

  No, it is good. I mean, it is good. If it's done right, it's good. Otherwise, it tastes, uh, like, kinda like banana cream pie, you know, like, I could do that, but it just, it's gotta be right. Otherwise, I don't like if it's too slurpy, sloo- sloopy. You know what I mean?

• 3:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:09Andrew Santino?

  Sloopy? Hang on, sloopy. Uh, uh, rice pudding, though, that's funny because my wife's family does, they're Swedish and they do, they do this rice pudding shit for Christmas and they hide, do you do this? Do Mexicans do this? They hide an almond in there and when they cook it, so then whenever people scoop it out, whoever gets the almond has like the good luck for the year or whatever.

• 3:30Speaker 05

  Wow. We do that for, um, I think it's called, um, I don't know if it's, um,

• 3:40Speaker 05

  I don't know our holiday that well. Um, if it's the Three Wise Men?

• 3:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  Or the Fat Tuesday, like a, like a,

• 3:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:49Speaker 05

  Like a, um, New Orleans thing.

• 3:51Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 3:51Speaker 05

  But we have a cake too.

• 3:52Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 3:53Speaker 05

  Fuck yeah. We have a cake and it's round. It's like the royal king bread from New Orleans.

• 3:59Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 3:59Speaker 05

  Same style, same color.

• 4:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:02Speaker 05

  But it's our version of it, but. We had a little baby inside of it.

• 4:06Andrew Santino?

  What? What, bro? You put a little toy baby in there?

• 4:11Speaker 05

  A baby, just like they had a walnut?

• 4:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:13Speaker 05

  We had a fucking plastic tiny baby in it.

• 4:16Andrew Santino?

  And what does that mean, the next person's gonna get pregnant?

• 4:18Speaker 05

  I wish. No, the next, but that would be a nice horror movie.

• 4:22Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right. You have, you have the devil in you now?

• 4:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, whoever eats, eats, gets the bread and has a, um, the, the baby, he has to throw a party for everybody that's there.

• 4:32Andrew Santino?

  What is the refer, what does the baby mean?

• 4:34Speaker 05

  Baby Jesus?

• 4:35Andrew Santino?

  So if you eat Jesus, you have to throw a party?

• 4:37Speaker 05

  Yes, if you like eating it and then, um, you say, who, who has the, who has the baby Jesus? I do. You have to throw a party, man.

• 4:44Andrew Santino?

  Alright. Cause I was gonna say, I can't, that can't be, that can't be for, uh, Mexican themed. You'd, if it was whoever found the baby has a baby next, it would be a million babies in there.

• 4:54Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  Everybody would have it.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  I most, I don't, I don't know who started that, but, um, I always thought it was funny, like, um, maybe that was there's so many babies because the person is too cheap, doesn't wanna throw a party.

• 5:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  So I guess pregnant is dead.

• 5:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you get pregnant instead, but then you gotta throw a baby shower, then people give you gifts.

• 5:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, and, cause I remember I got the kid, I, I, I got the little br, the little boy, but I was, I was not old enough to throw a party.

• 5:18Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  So they gave me a baby mama instead.

• 5:22Andrew Santino?

  That's the exchange? That's good.

• 5:23Speaker 05

  We're, we're holidays, man, like I know that on Day of the Dead, um, you put like a little altar for someone who passed.

• 5:30Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 5:31Speaker 05

  Like your brother, your sister, your mother, or premature babies that didn't make it. You took, you took, you know, take a picture of them, put it right there? With little candles.

• 5:41Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 5:42Speaker 05

  And, um, I remember I used to have a bitter body, cause I didn't believe in that stuff. I remember we left home for my cousin, he was a heroin addict. We left him everything, he lied, his picture. In the morning, woke up, there was no television.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  We heard tapping. I can't hear her tapping the door, but it was just uncle with his arm.

• 6:04Andrew Santino?

  That's so good.

• 6:06Speaker 05

  But that's our thing, man.

• 6:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 05

  It's a weird one, man. Like, I remember when I had a baby mama and they're from El Paso. So they're like Chicano, I guess. They're more like Tejano. They're more like, um, how do you describe these Mexicans?

• 6:24Speaker 05

  But they're Tejano. They never, they could go five generations and they're all born in America.

• 6:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 6:31Speaker 05

  Right? And they all speak like, let me tell you something, man.

• 6:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:36Speaker 05

  I don't like the way you're doing things here.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 05

  You're in a Paso home.

• 6:41Andrew Santino?

  Paso home. It's more like Texas Chicano.

• 6:43Speaker 05

  Five generations of talking like that. And they can't even trace their grandma anymore to Mexico.

• 6:49Andrew Santino?

  So there's no Mexico connection anymore?

• 6:50Speaker 05

  There's no Mexico connection. They're like Chicano. And, um, they, their mom was crazy. She thought that when my baby mama got pregnant,

• 7:00Speaker 05

  there was gonna be a full moon in three days. So this, so these crazy women showed up to our house, did a little prayer, and put safety pins around her belly button, around her underwear, you know, I guess to, um, so you have a, so you would have a mongol baby, I guess. I don't know.

• 7:18Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 7:19Speaker 05

  But I was like, for good luck, because supposedly like the full moon and her being pregnant, it causes bad luck, but they had like safety pins.

• 7:29Andrew Santino?

  Did it work?

• 7:30Speaker 05

  I don't know, man, but I used to wear a fucking big safety pin on my shirt because of punk rock. I had to give mine up, bro.

• 7:37Andrew Santino?

  Right. You had to give it up to her?

• 7:39Speaker 05

  Here, man.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  But that was a weird one, man, like.

• 7:44Andrew Santino?

  That is weird.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  The safety pin.

• 7:46Andrew Santino?

  Was that her family or was that tradition down there?

• 7:49Speaker 05

  Her family.

• 7:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's, you've never seen that before? No.

• 7:52Speaker 05

  My family more like, oh, you're gonna be a dad at seventeen, oh, your life is over.

• 7:57Andrew Santino?

  But no, it was the opposite.

• 7:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:59Andrew Santino?

  It made your life stronger. Isn't that kinda wild?

• 8:02Speaker 05

  So your wife from Sweden?

• 8:03Andrew Santino?

  No, no, her family is.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  Oh, because that baby mama that I had kids from, my daughter, she lives in Sweden.

• 8:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 8:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's married to somebody there in Sweden.

• 8:14Andrew Santino?

  Why Sweden? Why'd she move to Sweden?

• 8:16Speaker 05

  I don't know, man. The internet.

• 8:18Andrew Santino?

  The internet will do it to you.

• 8:20Speaker 05

  She met a guy from Sweden who looked like a guy from Los Angeles with a bunch of tattoos.

• 8:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:26Speaker 05

  But I guess all the letters are Swedish.

• 8:29Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 8:31Andrew Santino?

  It's all Swedish writing instead of a-

• 8:33Speaker 05

  Yes, man, he has like, he's all tailored out.

• 8:35Andrew Santino?

  Gothic Swedish.

• 8:36Speaker 05

  And he has like crazy crosses, man, and Boondong Saints shit.

• 8:41Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he does? He's got like the guns and all that?

• 8:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, and that's like a big old cross and his, he's, his mother, his mother one hundred percent is Sweden. Like she was, she's a white lady born in Sweden.

• 8:52Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  But his father is from, I don't know, man, some country where people look like me.

• 9:00Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 9:01Speaker 05

  They're throwing rocks at everybody.

• 9:02Andrew Santino?

  Maybe, maybe, maybe Spain?

• 9:04Speaker 05

  No, they're throwing rocks at everybody.

• 9:05Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 9:06Speaker 05

  They're from the Middle East.

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right, right, right.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  I, I wouldn't say Persian, because there's no Persia.

• 9:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, there's Iran.

• 9:13Speaker 05

  Then, maybe Iran.

• 9:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Could be Iran.

• 9:16Speaker 05

  Those countries.

• 9:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and so she's over there. How old is she? Seventeen, eighteen?

• 9:19Speaker 05

  No, man, she's like twenty something.

• 9:20Andrew Santino?

  Holy shit.

• 9:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I had my kids when I was in high school.

• 9:23Andrew Santino?

  Wild, huh? How many do you have? Two?

• 9:24Speaker 05

  Three. Three, wow, my, my, my wife's son too, because I met him when he was one, two years old, so yeah.

• 9:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:32Speaker 05

  Four.

• 9:33Andrew Santino?

  No more. That's it?

• 9:35Speaker 05

  No more, man. We tried, though.

• 9:37Andrew Santino?

  You wanted one more?

• 9:38Speaker 05

  Two more.

• 9:39Andrew Santino?

  You wanted a couple more?

• 9:40Speaker 05

  My wife and I tried and, um, we couldn't. We, we kept going like to the hospital. You know, when you text you're pregnant and you hear the heart, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. Congratulations, you're happy. But then you go back and, um, you hear the heart and they tell you, um, but, um, but you don't feel any, it's not growing, but then they tell you it's dead.

• 10:02Andrew Santino?

  Damn.

• 10:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, so that happened one time, right?

• 10:05Andrew Santino?

  That's awful.

• 10:05Speaker 05

  And, um, it happened a second time.

• 10:10Speaker 05

  The third time, I had a show on Chero Improv, right? And we're on our way there and she already had the, the, the baby in there, right? She was gonna miscarriage it out. Cause you, I think I used to have to, um, have a, I guess a delivery for a dead baby.

• 10:29Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 10:30Speaker 05

  So, um, it's just, it's crazy cause when we were driving, like, like blood, I just looked over and there was blood, like, blood started coming out first.

• 10:38Andrew Santino?

  In the car?

• 10:39Speaker 05

  In the car.

• 10:40Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 10:40Speaker 05

  So I, I, we had a bunch of, um, baby wipes and I put it under. I felt like, um, Harvey Keitel and Rutherford Dogs, bro.

• 10:50Andrew Santino?

  He's bleeding.

• 10:51Speaker 05

  He goes, "You alright."

• 10:52Andrew Santino?

  You're alright, man!

• 10:53Speaker 05

  "You alright. We're gonna make this. You alright."

• 11:01Speaker 05

  And then we check in, I go to my show and then baby comes out in the toilet.

• 11:05Andrew Santino?

  Wild.

• 11:06Speaker 05

  "Bye bye."

• 11:08Andrew Santino?

  Bye bye. That's wild, dude.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  The third one was the craziest one because, um,

• 11:16Speaker 05

  it was, it was like, um, I don't know, it was already dead inside.

• 11:21Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  But it was, she was like two months.

• 11:24Andrew Santino?

  That's terrible.

• 11:25Speaker 05

  And, um, it was weird, like the doc, the hospital that we were at was the one here in Silmar.

• 11:31Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  And we didn't know, but I didn't, I knew it was Catholic church, but I didn't know they were that hardcore.

• 11:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 05

  So, um, my wife, the doctor told her, "Well, your, your baby is, um, is dead in there. We could, we could abort it, or you could have another miscarriage, go through all that pain again."

• 11:47Andrew Santino?

  Hmm.

• 11:48Speaker 05

  So he's like, "Ah, just take it out now."

• 11:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Speaker 05

  "Okay, but we can't here, cause it's a Catholic church."

• 11:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right. They can't do an abortion in the Catholic church.

• 11:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, Catholic churches in America, apparently they didn't know, they don't, they don't do abortions.

• 12:01Andrew Santino?

  Right, you have to go to a facility.

• 12:02Speaker 05

  But even though the baby was already gone, it was dead inside.

• 12:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right, right, right, right, right.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:08Andrew Santino?

  That sucks.

• 12:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, so.

• 12:09Andrew Santino?

  So you have to like move from there to another facility.

• 12:11Speaker 05

  So this one was worse, cause she had like a hysterectomy, I guess?

• 12:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 05

  All that stuff? And, um, then the doctor said, "Why, what am I..." So that, that, um, she went through menopause early because of all that stuff, waiting.

• 12:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:26Speaker 05

  For the baby to come out. But yeah, man, we tried.

• 12:29Andrew Santino?

  For a couple, a lot of times, man. Yeah, that's wild.

• 12:32Speaker 05

  It's funny, I thought about a, I thought about a bit after it, I said, what if I get a girl pregnant on the road? I could just tell my wife, babe, that's a miracle, baby.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  We could kill this bitch and live it ourselves.

• 12:53Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 12:54Speaker 05

  That's a miracle, baby.

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  It's a miracle, baby? It's a miracle, baby? We just kill her and take it ourselves. Easy.

• 13:00Speaker 05

  It's funny, man, you got a white woman, three times, no baby. For Latina chick, black chick, Asian chick, across the street, they're done.

• 13:09Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right. It's white people, man, we're tainted. There's something, there's something afoot with the whites. Something's up.

• 13:15Speaker 05

  You know, it could have been me, I never tested my sperm. I smoke a lot of weed, maybe my, maybe my fucking sperm gave up halfway there.

• 13:21Andrew Santino?

  Just tired?

• 13:22Speaker 05

  They said, chale.

• 13:23Andrew Santino?

  Took a nap, eh? I don't know, siesta!

• 13:27Speaker 05

  My cup was floating like Bugs Bunny in that river when he's sleeping.

• 13:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, bro. Gotta take a nap, dude, it's a long way from your balls, bro. For those guys, that's long. They gotta give up. You never tested your sperm?

• 13:39Speaker 05

  Nah, my, my, my sperm didn't come out like before, like when you're young, like,

• 13:44Speaker 05

  comes out like custard, bro.

• 13:47Andrew Santino?

  It just falls out.

• 13:47Speaker 05

  I gotta throw it at her.

• 13:49Andrew Santino?

  Open up.

• 13:51Andrew Santino?

  You gotta start flicking it in. I remember I got my sperm tested the first time,

• 13:56Andrew Santino?

  what, three or four years ago? It's funny that it's, I got, I got nervous. Cause you, I was like, oh shit, what if it's whack results? You know what I mean? Like, you don't think about it.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:06Andrew Santino?

  And then I, and then I got it back, the numbers were fine. Everything was fine. They didn't say good or bad, they said, it's fine. Which, it was average or whatever. But I was still tripping the whole time, I thought, I better, I better have a good jerk. You know, I better whack this good.

• 14:19Speaker 05

  How do they test it? You gotta jerk off into a something?

• 14:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you literally have to go into a room and jerk off in a cup. And three Filipino nurses just wait outside of the door until you're done.

• 14:26Speaker 05

  And everybody knows.

• 14:27Andrew Santino?

  And everybody knows that you're jerking off. Laughing at you inside. Well, the wildest shit is they set you up and they go, do you wanna watch? Do you wanna have like a, a, a DVD or do you want magazines? And I was like, do you have good wifi? Like, clearly I'm gonna use my phone. Not jerking off to a VHS, you know? Or a magazine from the old days?

• 14:46Speaker 05

  I know, huh?

• 14:47Andrew Santino?

  I got wifi, bro.

• 14:48Speaker 05

  How old, what do you guys have? Oh, man, fuck. They took our magazines, oh we have upper coverage pitch catalogs. Great. I'm gonna jerk off to a store that don't have my size.

• 15:01Speaker 05

  Man, watching your redhead.

• 15:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 15:03Speaker 05

  And I remember growing up, there was a redheaded kid. Damon, oh shit, I almost said his last name.

• 15:08Andrew Santino?

  Just say Damon, that's fine.

• 15:09Speaker 05

  Damon, what's up?

• 15:10Andrew Santino?

  What's up?

• 15:11Speaker 05

  My boy.

• 15:12Andrew Santino?

  What's up, boo?

• 15:13Speaker 05

  Oh man, was that tough for you? Cause it was tough for him, man.

• 15:15Andrew Santino?

  What, did he get beat up or did he get in fights?

• 15:17Speaker 05

  He got into a lot of fights.

• 15:18Andrew Santino?

  What neighborhood?

• 15:19Speaker 05

  Um, Pico Gardens Housing Projects.

• 15:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he grew up, was he a Mexican with red hair?

• 15:24Speaker 05

  He was black.

• 15:25Andrew Santino?

  Black kid with red hair?

• 15:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:26Andrew Santino?

  Even weirder.

• 15:27Speaker 05

  Weirder, bro, he had those little dots.

• 15:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the freckles, yeah.

• 15:30Speaker 05

  Like the basketball player from the Celtics.

• 15:32Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 15:33Speaker 05

  Dennis Johnson, right?

• 15:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, who? Magic Johnson?

• 15:35Speaker 05

  Dennis Johnson?

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  Dennis Johnson?

• 15:37Speaker 05

  From the Celtics.

• 15:38Andrew Santino?

  I don't know who the fuck that is.

• 15:39Speaker 05

  He had fucking freckles, redheaded black dude.

• 15:41Andrew Santino?

  Wait.

• 15:42Speaker 05

  Not Lance Parrish, but another guy named Johnson.

• 15:45Andrew Santino?

  Not Robert Parrish?

• 15:47Speaker 05

  Robert Parrish. Who's the fucking Lance Parrish?

• 15:49Andrew Santino?

  Who's Lance Parrish?

• 15:50Speaker 05

  Who's Lance Parrish?

• 15:52Andrew Santino?

  I don't know who the fuck.

• 15:52Speaker 05

  Robert Parrish is the guy from the Celtics, right?

• 15:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Celtics, I thought you said Last Parish.

• 15:56Speaker 05

  Who's Lance Parrish now?

• 15:57Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, bro, you said it.

• 15:59Speaker 05

  Don't be confused now.

• 16:00Andrew Santino?

  Wait, so this kid, was he tall?

• 16:02Speaker 05

  Bro, he was very tall, very athletic.

• 16:04Andrew Santino?

  And he fought everybody?

• 16:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, and he was not one, he was like, I don't know if you had that in your neighborhood where there was dudes who were all into like, sports? And then there was dudes who were like, they were both selling drugs, bro.

• 16:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was all about sports.

• 16:19Speaker 05

  And then there was others.

• 16:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, others.

• 16:21Speaker 05

  He was others.

• 16:21Andrew Santino?

  He was others, uh.

• 16:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:23Andrew Santino?

  So not sports, not into the streets. What did he do? What was his thing?

• 16:28Speaker 05

  He was, um.

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  Was he like a nerd?

• 16:29Speaker 05

  He was a nerd, man, he hung out with me.

• 16:31Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  And, um, we played baseball him and I, like, we'll sit behind a wall with a baseball and a glove and I would pitch curbs with a tennis ball, you know, throwing my junk.

• 16:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  Knuckleball and striking him out or playing over the line.

• 16:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, over the line.

• 16:48Speaker 05

  We would play every single summer, man, and then him and I, I hope he's not listening, man. Him and I would go, he was crazy, we would go, like if we were in junior high, we would catch the bus from where we live to downtown Atlanta and catch the one bus and take that shit away to Hollywood and Sunset.

• 17:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 05

  And then we would just walk around with binoculars, bro, like spying on prostitutes.

• 17:12Andrew Santino?

  Just peeping on hookers?

• 17:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, man, it was our first stakeout.

• 17:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you were undercover cops? Undercover pervs? So what, what year was this? In high school?

• 17:24Speaker 05

  High school, junior high?

• 17:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, junior high, high school.

• 17:27Speaker 05

  Um, we had to be back home before midnight, so there was a lot of cruising in Hollywood.

• 17:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, back then. That was a different time.

• 17:34Speaker 05

  So we look at girls in their cars.

• 17:36Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 17:36Speaker 05

  And then go to Denny's.

• 17:37Andrew Santino?

  You see guys getting picked up, or chicks getting picked up, and then you see them around the corner in the alley? Yeah, Hollywood's so different now.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was Hollywood, but by Denny's on, on, on, um, fucking, um, Yucca?

• 17:49Andrew Santino?

  On Yucca, yeah, I know where that is.

• 17:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, by the Gower.

• 17:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know exactly where that is.

• 17:53Speaker 05

  It was packed.

• 17:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 05

  They were all over.

• 17:57Andrew Santino?

  You know that, you know that, the, the, the one-on-one entrance there where it's that, the loop? You know where you can loop to get on? A friend of mine, uh, drove on that one backwards drunk, drunk one night. Got on that exit the wrong fucking way.

• 18:07Speaker 05

  That's the one by Denny's, right?

• 18:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, exactly, it's right around the corner, yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 05

  Fuck.

• 18:10Andrew Santino?

  She knows who she is.

• 18:12Speaker 05

  Also, I don't, I don't know if it's still happening, but Little, Little, um, Tite Town?

• 18:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Tite Town is right there, yeah.

• 18:18Speaker 05

  That used to be like a prime spot for, for like transgender prostitutes.

• 18:22Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 18:23Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 18:23Andrew Santino?

  See, I thought that the trans, the trans prostitutes were over by, um, the donut shop.

• 18:29Speaker 05

  Yes, on Highland.

• 18:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, on Highland, exactly.

• 18:31Speaker 05

  I don't know when they end up there, but...

• 18:34Andrew Santino?

  That's so funny that everybody knew that's, that's where it was.

• 18:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:37Andrew Santino?

  By the public storage, yeah. Trejo's Tacos is there now, right?

• 18:39Speaker 05

  Shout out to, um, Ian Edward, he shot a movie in that area called Tangerine.

• 18:44Andrew Santino?

  Tangerine?

• 18:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, there's a movie called Tangerine, and it was shot with all iPhones. And it was about, uh, a prostitute there in that area you're talking about, by the donut shop.

• 18:54Andrew Santino?

  Uh huh.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  Right there on Highland.

• 18:56Andrew Santino?

  I used to see him all the time, and I, yeah, the bus stops right there.

• 18:58Speaker 05

  Ian Edward plays pimp.

• 19:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he does?

• 19:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then, uh, it's called, it was all shot on iPhones.

• 19:04Andrew Santino?

  No shit? Did he write it?

• 19:06Speaker 05

  No, he just stars as a pimp.

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  He stars, yeah. He's a skinny pimp, that's a tiny pimp.

• 19:10Speaker 05

  Well, these are like skinny transvestites.

• 19:14Speaker 05

  Bro.

• 19:15Andrew Santino?

  If the girls are skinny, the pimp can be skinny.

• 19:17Speaker 05

  Tangerine is like shows you like the darkest side of that area that you don't.

• 19:22Andrew Santino?

  That you don't really know, yeah.

• 19:24Speaker 05

  Like they show the actual, I don't know if they funny the actors, good casting. But they all look like they live in that area like the, one of the main character was an Armenian guy, my friend.

• 19:36Andrew Santino?

  My friend, my friend, my friend.

• 19:38Speaker 05

  And he's looking for prostitutes and he picks up a prostitute. And he goes, show me it, show me it. And then she puts on her underwear and she had a vagina. Get the fuck out of here.

• 19:53Andrew Santino?

  He wanted the other one, wrong item.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Pretty boy.

• 19:55Andrew Santino?

  You gotta reorder again.

• 19:57Speaker 05

  But yeah, that Titan used to be very.

• 19:59Andrew Santino?

  That was heavy back then, when you were high school.

• 20:01Speaker 05

  I used to work security guard.

• 20:02Andrew Santino?

  In Titan?

• 20:03Speaker 05

  No, in, in Highland, Highland and Wilshire.

• 20:06Andrew Santino?

  What were you doing down there?

• 20:08Speaker 05

  Fucking kicking back, doing nothing, writing jokes.

• 20:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah. What was the security for?

• 20:13Speaker 05

  It was the main office of Whack and Hut Security.

• 20:17Andrew Santino?

  Whack and Hut?

• 20:18Speaker 05

  Yes, Whack and Hut.

• 20:19Andrew Santino?

  Fuck, bro.

• 20:20Speaker 05

  And, um, what's his name of the office was there, um, what's his name?

• 20:26Andrew Santino?

  Wilshire and Highland?

• 20:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:28Andrew Santino?

  I'm trying to think what's around there now.

• 20:29Speaker 05

  Nothing, a 7-Eleven.

• 20:31Andrew Santino?

  It's like a bank, yeah, there's a bank on the corner, yeah.

• 20:34Speaker 05

  Um, OJ Simpson's lawyer used to have an office there.

• 20:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no shit? Robert Kardashian?

• 20:39Speaker 05

  No, the other one, the black guy.

• 20:41Andrew Santino?

  Uh, uh, uh, Johnny Cochran, yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 05

  His office was there, he would get death threats. So our company who was in that building, we would just have security guards.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  Just roaming around just in case?

• 20:52Speaker 05

  Just stand outside his office.

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever see Johnny Cochran walking around? Yeah?

• 20:56Speaker 05

  He signed my, he signed my newspaper. That had, the one that had him holding that said, um, you know, whatever.

• 21:04Andrew Santino?

  If it doesn't fit, you must acquit?

• 21:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, he had, I'm not guilty.

• 21:06Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 21:07Speaker 05

  So he signed my, my paper.

• 21:09Andrew Santino?

  You still have that?

• 21:10Speaker 05

  Fuck, no.

• 21:10Andrew Santino?

  No, bro, that's something you have to keep. Cause you, if you grew up in this, you grew up in the city, it was weird. You must have seen celebrities as a kid if you were rolling around Hollywood.

• 21:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, man.

• 21:20Andrew Santino?

  You did, right?

• 21:21Speaker 05

  I used to work at Dodger Stadium, um. As a cashier and also as selling hot dogs.

• 21:26Andrew Santino?

  Did you steal?

• 21:27Speaker 05

  Nah, but I just ate a lot of food.

• 21:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, everyone I know that worked at baseball stadiums, they all stole.

• 21:32Speaker 05

  Stealing to them is taking leftovers home.

• 21:35Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 21:36Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 21:36Andrew Santino?

  Fuck that.

• 21:37Speaker 05

  So they would make us wear uh see-through backpacks, so they would know, take a look and they would have to tell you, open your bag. Cause they could just tell you, let me, they could see it from the outside.

• 21:46Andrew Santino?

  No shit.

• 21:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, I saw a lot of comedian from the eighties there and I would ask them for advice, they were always nice.

• 21:53Andrew Santino?

  Got like comics, comic side Dodger games?

• 21:55Speaker 05

  This lady was big, um, bushy hair, Elaine Boosler.

• 21:59Andrew Santino?

  Elaine Boosler, yeah, yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  She was cool. And that guy, the teacher from from Punky Brewster, Jerry, um, something Carter.

• 22:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember his name, but I know who you're talking about. What you, so you'd ask them, would you tell them I want to be a comic?

• 22:15Speaker 05

  I said, I'm, I'm, I'm doing stand-up comedy, what should I do? And she would say, just keep riding, keep riding.

• 22:19Andrew Santino?

  Keep riding?

• 22:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do though, you're a great rider. That's, what, what, what's, what comic did you meet when you were young? That was like your favorite fucking comic? Like who was your, who, who did you as a kid were like, that's the, that's the guy I wish I want, I could be?

• 22:32Speaker 05

  Ryan Dangerfield?

• 22:34Andrew Santino?

  Rodney, did you ever meet him?

• 22:35Speaker 05

  No, I met him one time, but I met his wife the other day at the Comedy Store.

• 22:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 22:41Speaker 05

  She was backstage with um Whitney Cummings.

• 22:43Andrew Santino?

  What were they doing? Were they working on something?

• 22:45Speaker 05

  Just hanging out. Just kicking it? She was just hanging out, man. Looking like a hot, I don't know her age, but she was hot.

• 22:51Andrew Santino?

  She was hot?

• 22:51Speaker 05

  For being that old.

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 22:53Speaker 05

  And like.

• 22:54Andrew Santino?

  You talking about Whitney?

• 22:55Speaker 05

  No, the uh Ronnie's wife. And then like, she looked like a lady that was like a Charlie's Angels back in the day. Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 23:02Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right, right. Like she, but she aged really well.

• 23:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. And then I remember, uh, you know, I went back all excited, who's, you know who's back there? Who, Ronnie Dangerfield's wife? I didn't recognize her. I know, bro, she has no respect.

• 23:18Speaker 05

  But I remember her cuz Rodney Rodney came into the Laugh Factory once. And he was wearing, he needed like a, he was like beat up. He looked like, um.

• 23:30Speaker 05

  He looked bad. No, he was wearing, he was not Rodney. He was just wearing an army jacket, sweats, um, tennis shoes, some glasses. He went up there and started reading his jokes without the character, just like, hey, I take no respect.

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  He was just reading them. And then his wife was standing like, like, um, Thor, holding the microphone. Holding the chip recorder.

• 23:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 23:53Speaker 05

  And she was recording his set.

• 23:54Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 23:55Speaker 05

  And then they left. I think there was, there was a rioter and.

• 23:58Andrew Santino?

  Did it bum you out a little bit?

• 23:59Speaker 05

  That what?

• 24:00Andrew Santino?

  To see it kinda so raw like that, or did you like?

• 24:02Speaker 05

  Nah, I liked it, bro, cuz I was thinking about going up there with my notes too, and I was worried that people would go, oh, he brought his notes up there?

• 24:08Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right.

• 24:09Speaker 05

  But it's Rodney. Another time I saw George Carlin in Las Vegas, he had a whole fucking notepad, man.

• 24:15Andrew Santino?

  Just rifling through it?

• 24:16Speaker 05

  Like he had a whole yellow notepad, and then like, he would try twenty minutes of the new stuff. Then he'll go, alright, time for some fart jokes.

• 24:30Speaker 05

  Then he'll go to fucking fart jokes.

• 24:31Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 24:32Speaker 05

  Like you ever had, you ever fart and a fart fall on you?

• 24:37Speaker 05

  And then he'll go back to the notes.

• 24:38Andrew Santino?

  Right. Where was that at in Vegas? You remember?

• 24:42Speaker 05

  It was at the, um.

• 24:43Andrew Santino?

  Trop or something like that?

• 24:44Speaker 05

  The Tropicana?

• 24:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  Or the Four Queens, I don't know.

• 24:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, it was, Trop for years was like a spot.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  It was close, like really close.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 24:53Andrew Santino?

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• 25:37Andrew Santino?

  Ain't none of that nasty stuff getting inside of your skin. And it's clinically proven to control odor better than a shower with soap alone. Okay, I love it. It does smell so very good. And the best part about it is it feels clean because it's natural, it's organic, and it doesn't have all that other harmful nasty sticky oils and junk inside of it that so many places have now. Instead, they keep it original and clean and beautiful. Control body odor anywhere on your body using Mando, okay? Mando Starter Pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, and two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes. Free shipping included. As a special offer for our listeners, new customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code

• 26:20Andrew Santino?

  that equates to over 40% off your starter pack using code WHISKY at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O dot com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Mando. I know you're busy, I'm busy, we're busy. That's why Huell is here to save the day. This product, this podcast is sponsored by Huell. Spelled H-U-E-L, the world's number one complete nutrition brand trusted by millions. Head over to huell.com now to place your first order of this ultra-convenient nutritionally complete meal. Whether it's for busy mornings, on the go, middle of the day, late nights powering through a hectic schedule, this ready-to-drink meals are the easiest way to get your nutrition that you need in seconds. And right now, new customers can try it for 15% plus a free gift. Huh? 15% plus a free gift using our exclusive code WHISKY.

• 27:04Andrew Santino?

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• 27:53Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever do Laugh Factory in Vegas?

• 27:56Speaker 05

  Never.

• 27:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I did it one time. And now Vegas has a thousand clubs. Now like Kimmel's and, um, uh, uh, uh, what's wrong with me? What's his name? Uh, uh, in the basement.

• 28:10Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god.

• 28:12Speaker 05

  The Cellar.

• 28:13Andrew Santino?

  No, yo, The Cellar's there too.

• 28:14Speaker 05

  I saw the Wise Guys from Utah is there.

• 28:16Andrew Santino?

  Wise Guys there now? Yeah. And then they got, um, Brad Garrett's Comedy Club.

• 28:20Speaker 05

  Brad Garrett's.

• 28:20Andrew Santino?

  Brad Garrett's Comedy Club. It's kinda crazy. Every time I go now, and I go to Vegas and I look it up if I'm playing somewhere, there's like seven other people I know in this, in the city. It's kinda nice, cause then I meet up with people. It's like the only time comics get to see each other outside of like podcasting in airport or a birthday. Like I've seen you at this airport birthday. Like Burbank, I run into you multiple times. Burt's birthday. It is funny, man. Otherwise, we're just gone all the time.

• 28:45Speaker 05

  When I was, when I was, that weekend that Canelo was fighting at, um...

• 28:49Andrew Santino?

  In Vegas?

• 28:49Speaker 05

  In Vegas. I ran into everybody there.

• 28:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  I ran into, um, Gabriel Iglesias merch guy.

• 28:56Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 28:56Speaker 05

  And I, and I, and I used to work with that guy at Dodger Stadium.

• 28:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 28:59Speaker 05

  And I haven't seen him in a long time.

• 29:00Andrew Santino?

  Is he a comic?

• 29:01Speaker 05

  No.

• 29:02Andrew Santino?

  No, just a merch guy?

• 29:03Speaker 05

  But he was just like a merch guy that kind of like earned his dues to be the merch guy?

• 29:07Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right. He worked his way up.

• 29:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, because when, when, um, Gabriel decided to quit his job to do stand-up, he, he decided to quit his job and get unemployment to just hang out.

• 29:18Andrew Santino?

  That's pretty dope. That's great. What was, what was Gabriel's job? Do you know?

• 29:23Speaker 05

  Um, he used to work at a, at a kiosk at Home Depot selling Verizon phones.

• 29:29Andrew Santino?

  No shit.

• 29:30Speaker 05

  And he would leave for like two hours and come back. Like he'll do, he'll do, he'll go do a set and then come back.

• 29:38Andrew Santino?

  No one even knew.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  I would call him up, bro. I would see like, somebody would hit me up and go, "Hey, bro, Felipe, you wanna do a gig in Riverside Community College?" "Yeah, how much? $200?" "All right." He goes, give me three, bro. I need a ride there. I gotta get a guy a ride.

• 29:54Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:54Speaker 05

  So then he'll, he'll drive for the hundred and then we'll go do that gig. And um, I remember that time we went to la- a casino. Right after that gig, we went to a casino.

• 30:05Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 30:06Speaker 05

  San Manuel or somewhere.

• 30:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, San Manuel, yeah.

• 30:07Speaker 05

  And we want money.

• 30:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah?

• 30:09Speaker 05

  Like, we, we, he, he, he made his hundred five and I made my three seven.

• 30:15Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 30:16Speaker 05

  Then we drove back and he went straight back to Home Depot to close that kiosk. He was sitting there like a ghost.

• 30:25Speaker 05

  Phones everywhere.

• 30:29Andrew Santino?

  What's your la- what was your last job before stand-up?

• 30:31Speaker 05

  I was working at Dodger Stadium, um, at Yoshinoya.

• 30:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really? At Yoshinoya, the Asian Bowl joint?

• 30:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, I worked at Yoshinoya, worked at Taco Bell, in Dodger Stadium.

• 30:42Andrew Santino?

  In Dodger Stadium?

• 30:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:43Andrew Santino?

  They just kept moving you around?

• 30:44Speaker 05

  Kept moving you around.

• 30:45Andrew Santino?

  Like a priest for the Catholic Church? Is it because you fucked up?

• 30:47Speaker 05

  No, because where, where, wherever they sent me, somebody there was yelled at? Or he was, he, they, they moved him to go to another stand.

• 30:55Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:55Speaker 05

  Because that job is union, so they really can't like yell at you.

• 30:58Andrew Santino?

  They can't fire you either?

• 31:00Speaker 05

  They would have to fire you doing something crazy.

• 31:03Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 31:04Speaker 05

  Like this girl I saw, who decided to bring her PCP with her to work and get high in her break. So of course she had to go, man. Then another person was stealing.

• 31:15Andrew Santino?

  Stealing money?

• 31:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:17Andrew Santino?

  PCP high at Dodger Stadium.

• 31:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, can you wait?

• 31:20Andrew Santino?

  Baseball games are long.

• 31:22Speaker 05

  Like, there were some people there that would go do a bump, you know, and then come back to work all like, I'm gonna help you.

• 31:30Speaker 05

  How can you work like that, man?

• 31:32Andrew Santino?

  You need to be fast in fast food, I guess.

• 31:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. You know, of course the people are, are the ones that are getting burned.

• 31:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 31:38Speaker 05

  Cooking, you know, because they're not paying attention.

• 31:39Andrew Santino?

  Right, because they're ripped.

• 31:41Speaker 05

  Oh, man.

• 31:42Andrew Santino?

  Did you ever get high at work?

• 31:43Speaker 05

  Never.

• 31:44Andrew Santino?

  Never? Never once?

• 31:46Speaker 05

  Oh, yes, but this is a, this is not a Dodger Stadium. This was at a job that was at the bottom of the bottom, I said, like, in the lowest of the lowest, man. It was like one of those jobs that. Henry Chinaskey and and fucking um Factotum gets, you know.

• 32:03Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 32:04Speaker 05

  Um, Charles Bukowski.

• 32:05Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 32:06Speaker 05

  In that movie Factotum would just grab any job.

• 32:08Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 32:09Speaker 05

  Me and my friend, we're working for the Broadway warehouse in in uh Lincoln Heights. That's where everything that belongs to the Broadway store, except the clothes is there. Like all the hangers, all the, wherever you hang clothes, all the clothes hangers, all the those little uh magnetic things for security were all there.

• 32:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  So my friend and I, we had to separate. It felt like, I don't know if you've ever seen those um, those um Holocaust movies?

• 32:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 32:43Speaker 05

  Where you see a bunch of their shoes stacked up to the ceiling?

• 32:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, it's awful.

• 32:47Speaker 05

  Well, this place was, it was just clothes hangers, bro. One whole room of clothes.

• 32:51Andrew Santino?

  It was a Holocaust of clothes hangers?

• 32:54Speaker 05

  And me and my friend, bro, we had to separate the three of them from women, kids and pants. No, women, men and pants.

• 33:04Speaker 05

  So we were doing that for like, I said, I can't do this anymore, but I go crazy.

• 33:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 33:09Speaker 05

  And then my friend said, you wanna get high? I said, fuck, yeah.

• 33:11Andrew Santino?

  Absolutely.

• 33:12Speaker 05

  So we went to go get high, bro, and then came back, did the job. And then the next job we had was like, was at um Columbia.

• 33:24Andrew Santino?

  The music record? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 05

  And I, we were gonna, it was a big warehouse of film, okay, for the process film. And they wanted us to take all the pipes out of the bottom, cause they're gonna replace them with new pipes with, and all these pipes were plastic.

• 33:39Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 33:39Speaker 05

  And at first, we were like, I'll screw it them off. Then I went to go ask the main guy that works there at the studio. What are you gonna do with all the plastic afterwards? Oh, we're just gonna recycle it. So you're not gonna use them ever again as pipes. No.

• 33:56Speaker 05

  So we, we don't have to screw them off all gently. Nah, alright. Well, we went over there, bro, I gave everybody a hammer. We broke every pipe out of there, bro.

• 34:07Andrew Santino?

  Smash that shit.

• 34:08Speaker 05

  Smash him, bro.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  That ought to have been fun.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  We finished that job in a day.

• 34:11Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right. Clean that up. That's easy money.

• 34:14Speaker 05

  We saw Sylvester Stallone too.

• 34:17Andrew Santino?

  Coming to Columbia?

• 34:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, he had a, a nice Corvette convertible.

• 34:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he would. An old like, probably like an old like a Stingray or something like that from the seventies? Or was it a new Corvette?

• 34:29Speaker 05

  It was a brand new.

• 34:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it was a new one, not a classic. He seems like he'd drive a classic.

• 34:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, even then, even back then, doing that horrible job, I was thinking to myself, oh, it'd be cool like, they would have picked one of us out to be in a movie.

• 34:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, maybe. Chances are there. He could see you and be like, you, I like you.

• 34:47Speaker 05

  Rocky. I wrote Rocky VII in my head.

• 34:54Andrew Santino?

  Come buy the script for me, Sly. I got Rocky, the Mexican Rocky. The, the Chicano Rocky, the Rocky of Texas.

• 35:02Speaker 05

  Like Fred Smith, this time he's fighting this and Jerry.

• 35:07Speaker 05

  Cut me, Mick.

• 35:10Andrew Santino?

  I love Frayze. I, I got high at almost every job I had when I was young. Cause I picked jobs that I could get stoned at. You know, I picked, like I was a busboy or dishwasher.

• 35:21Speaker 05

  Weed or coke?

• 35:22Andrew Santino?

  Weed, always weed, always weed. Cause I like to be able to, if I could get high just to pass the time, then I wouldn't even think about the job, you know? So I would get stoned out of my mind and wash dishes, or I'd get ripped and do a busboy, or, um, man, I had so many fucking, I was a lifeguard of, and, at a pool at the YMCA. And I would just get high and sit in the chair all day.

• 35:43Speaker 05

  I was on the swimming team in high school for swimming.

• 35:45Andrew Santino?

  Really? I can have, you know, I never, I taught swimming lessons. I never swam once. I taught little kids how to swim, but I never once knew how to swim. I just made it all up.

• 35:52Speaker 05

  Shout out to Mr. Florian.

• 35:54Andrew Santino?

  Shout out Florian, where are you at, Big Flo?

• 35:56Speaker 05

  He had a license plate H2O polo.

• 35:58Andrew Santino?

  That was, was that your high school? Was that in high school?

• 36:01Speaker 05

  No, it's the coach, Mr. Florian, he had a, he was Italian, man. And then, he looked like, um, Italian. When I look, when I watch television now, Italian on television, I think, oh, that was Mr. Florian was Italian.

• 36:14Andrew Santino?

  What high school?

• 36:15Speaker 05

  Roosevelt.

• 36:16Andrew Santino?

  Roosevelt High.

• 36:16Speaker 05

  That fool used to have a big hair, bro, like Elvis. And wear his speedos, bro. And he looked like, he looked like Brody the Barber Beefcake.

• 36:26Andrew Santino?

  A tight little Speedo on, you never wore, you never wore Speedos.

• 36:29Speaker 05

  Hell no, it was in the 40s too.

• 36:30Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 36:33Speaker 05

  I was afraid to get a hard on, so I never wore the Speedos.

• 36:36Andrew Santino?

  Right, cuz you would see it.

• 36:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:37Andrew Santino?

  You always wore shorts.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, but all the girls, you could see their nipples.

• 36:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 05

  On their bathing suit, and they're in high school.

• 36:43Andrew Santino?

  Right. You liked that back then, huh?

• 36:45Speaker 05

  Man.

• 36:45Andrew Santino?

  Those are good old days.

• 36:46Speaker 05

  I was swimming under the water, being a pervert.

• 36:51Andrew Santino?

  Everyone, everyone had to duck underwater to see, to catch a glimpse of something.

• 36:55Speaker 05

  How bad was that, man? And it's sad because I didn't have binoculars, I didn't have no, nothing to see, so I would come out with red eyes.

• 37:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, just open your eyes and burn, let it burn, I remember that. Get under there, let it burn for a minute. Who cares, it's worth it.

• 37:08Speaker 05

  At your high sc- at your high school or junior high, was there like a part where, where you would cross other students to go to another class?

• 37:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, fuck yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 05

  And it was really, really tight, and you can't help it, but someone was gonna grab you?

• 37:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I mean, you were gonna bump into people without a doubt.

• 37:22Speaker 05

  Were there people grabbing asses?

• 37:24Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah, probably. Yeah, I mean, I don't remember, but I'm sure there were. Yeah, yeah. Or it was just fucking with people we saw. If we saw a friend, we'd smack them or some shit.

• 37:32Speaker 05

  My brother, he grabbed this girl's ass cuz he didn't wanna grab her ass, like a pervert. And this girl punched the shit out of the guy next to me.

• 37:42Andrew Santino?

  Thought it was that dude.

• 37:43Speaker 05

  She got her, it's like, she went like, still like she had a slingshot, and, and then like, got it perfectly and...

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  Popped his ass.

• 37:51Speaker 05

  Popped his ass.

• 37:52Andrew Santino?

  Now, we had a lot, yeah, we had a ton, we had, my high school had like 3,500 kids. We had a fuckload of kids.

• 37:58Speaker 05

  That's a lot of fucking kids.

• 37:59Andrew Santino?

  It was big. Man, now it's like 4,000. The school's even bigger than it used to be. It's crazy.

• 38:03Speaker 05

  That's in the city of Chicago?

• 38:05Andrew Santino?

  In Chicago, yeah.

• 38:06Speaker 05

  That's a lot of, that's a big fucking school.

• 38:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, man, there's a lot of schools like that. They're all, I mean, there, there's, you know, I mean, LA's gotta have big schools like that too, right? This isn't vent, uh, I mean, Fairfax High School's huge.

• 38:19Speaker 05

  It's huge.

• 38:20Andrew Santino?

  That's a big ass school. In the middle of the city, that's gotta be so many kids.

• 38:22Speaker 05

  My high school is, is, it covers like, if you look in the map, it covers one whole square block.

• 38:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, one city square block.

• 38:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Roosevelt.

• 38:30Speaker 05

  And on the other side of our school, across the street, is our, um, junior high school. Hollenbach Junior High School.

• 38:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. Are you in the Hall of Fame?

• 38:39Speaker 05

  No, man.

• 38:40Andrew Santino?

  Should be.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  But, um, Ap- Apollonia is from Prince.

• 38:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:45Speaker 05

  She's in it. And the Clippers owner, the one that was busted.

• 38:49Andrew Santino?

  Steve Ballmer?

• 38:50Speaker 05

  The one that was busted.

• 38:51Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh, oh, uh, uh.

• 38:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh, why can't I think of his name, dude, I see him. The guy that said the N word or whatever.

• 38:58Speaker 05

  And his side chick was from Roseville too.

• 39:02Andrew Santino?

  What, the one that got, did the interview where she's like, I'm a silly rabbit and all that bullshit?

• 39:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:06Andrew Santino?

  Why can't I think of his name, dude? Uh, Sterling, Donald Sterling.

• 39:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:12Andrew Santino?

  Who else went, who went, did anybody go to high school while you were there that got famous?

• 39:15Speaker 05

  No.

• 39:16Andrew Santino?

  In your four years, you were the one, huh?

• 39:18Speaker 05

  Oscar La Hoya went to the other high school though, um, Roseville, um, Garfield.

• 39:22Andrew Santino?

  Garfield High, yeah. Who went there?

• 39:24Speaker 05

  Oscar La Hoya.

• 39:25Andrew Santino?

  Did he really?

• 39:26Speaker 05

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Also, uh, Will I Am, he went to Roseville.

• 39:29Andrew Santino?

  Did he?

• 39:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's from the other housing projects, um, Estrada Courts.

• 39:34Andrew Santino?

  Estrada Courts, ooh, that sounds fancy.

• 39:35Speaker 05

  Estrada.

• 39:36Andrew Santino?

  Estrada Courts.

• 39:37Speaker 05

  Wait, am I right? Estrada?

• 39:41Andrew Santino?

  Cause what are you, Pico what?

• 39:42Speaker 05

  Pico Gardens.

• 39:43Andrew Santino?

  Pico Gardens, yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 05

  But I could, I could be wrong, cause he's from, I just know his neighborhood by the local gang. Like, that's the way, that's the way I know LA.

• 39:50Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 39:51Speaker 05

  Like, you tell me what street you get off on, I exactly know what gang is there.

• 39:55Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 39:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:56Andrew Santino?

  What was the gang closest to your neighborhood?

• 39:58Speaker 05

  Uh, there was, there was several, um, cuatro flats. And then there was Primera flats, same.

• 40:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 05

  The other side and third. There was a bunch of crips.

• 40:08Andrew Santino?

  Lot of crips up there.

• 40:09Speaker 05

  Lot of crips. And then, um, those crips ended up moving to Lancaster, then to Heartland Third.

• 40:16Andrew Santino?

  No shit. Now do, now do, now do.

• 40:19Speaker 05

  They franchised.

• 40:20Andrew Santino?

  They branched out, yeah. You gotta kick back that percent.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  But there were the originals, man, in that neighborhood, they were First Street, East Coast Crip.

• 40:30Andrew Santino?

  Do the, do the, do the Mexican crips and black crips get along or no?

• 40:34Speaker 05

  When I was growing up, there was no Mexican crips, just like maybe one that I could think of, but that guy lived in, he was not from our neighborhood.

• 40:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:43Speaker 05

  He lived like, by Evergreen Park.

• 40:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:46Speaker 05

  But he was walking with them and wearing a blue rag. But the only time I saw that was in Phoenix, Arizona.

• 40:54Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 40:54Speaker 05

  Bloods.

• 40:55Andrew Santino?

  Bloods, Mexican Bloods?

• 40:56Speaker 05

  They were all Mexican Bloods. And they, and they had cornrows too.

• 41:00Andrew Santino?

  Wild.

• 41:01Speaker 05

  Yeah. And it was weird, sad because like, I'm pretty sure like, Like their their shit was really straight, you know. Perfect, man. More like um. Egg rolls, no, but a. Elotes.

• 41:14Andrew Santino?

  Elotes.

• 41:15Speaker 05

  But they were like, they were mobbing it, man. They were yelling out blood, blood, blood. And I was like, whoa, I've never seen this shit before.

• 41:21Andrew Santino?

  What gang did you get along with the most? Who fucked with you the most?

• 41:24Speaker 05

  The ones in our neighborhood, I guess.

• 41:26Andrew Santino?

  They were good with you?

• 41:27Speaker 05

  They all they all didn't get along, but there was like so many just. And when we're like when we went to um, they didn't get along in the neighborhood, but when I went to high school, they all sat together.

• 41:37Andrew Santino?

  But they but they did, did anybody protect you? Like, were you were you protected by anybody?

• 41:42Speaker 05

  No, man.

• 41:43Andrew Santino?

  But they all left you alone?

• 41:44Speaker 05

  They left me alone. But there's places where I couldn't go because um. It's just too crazy to go there.

• 41:50Andrew Santino?

  You knew better?

• 41:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:52Andrew Santino?

  They never had to tell you, you just know when you're a kid, right?

• 41:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:54Andrew Santino?

  Because everyone in the neighborhood says, don't go over there, man.

• 41:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, because that area was like full of drugs.

• 41:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, you knew better.

• 42:00Speaker 05

  They were selling a lot of drugs, man.

• 42:02Andrew Santino?

  How many how many kids grew did you grow up with that got involved?

• 42:06Speaker 05

  All of them.

• 42:06Andrew Santino?

  Like any of your here closest friends?

• 42:08Speaker 05

  All of them, and to this day, they probably gang bang on the weekends.

• 42:11Andrew Santino?

  They're like, they're weekend warriors?

• 42:14Speaker 05

  Man, I went to a show once at the at the um. When I first won Last Comic Standing, I was at the John Lovitz. When it was the John Lovitz Comedy.

• 42:24Andrew Santino?

  Universal?

• 42:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 42:26Speaker 05

  Then I went upstairs and there was like a a reserved table. And all the names on the table were all gangs. Instead of names.

• 42:34Andrew Santino?

  It was all the gang?

• 42:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're like, reserved for this gang over here, reserved for this other gang.

• 42:39Andrew Santino?

  You got a lot of love?

• 42:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:40Andrew Santino?

  The gang showed you love afterwards.

• 42:43Speaker 05

  The first time I performed on stage. Was with the with the guys from my neighborhood. They took me, they gave me a ride.

• 42:50Andrew Santino?

  What's where was it? What stage?

• 42:51Speaker 05

  It was um, the first time was at the Natural Fudge, which is now called the.

• 42:58Speaker 05

  Silver Lake Theater.

• 43:00Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 43:01Speaker 05

  On Fountain.

• 43:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 05

  By the, um, that Tom Cruise cake church.

• 43:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh, oh, I know where, by Scientology Church?

• 43:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:08Andrew Santino?

  I know exactly where.

• 43:09Speaker 05

  I'm sorry, it's called Fountain Theater now.

• 43:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Fountain Theater.

• 43:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, right there. It used to be called the Natural Fudge. It used to be owned by Brenda and Johnny Roberts.

• 43:17Andrew Santino?

  Natural Fudge?

• 43:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, cuz they were, I didn't know it then, but they were vegan.

• 43:22Andrew Santino?

  Okay, that's fucking weird as shit.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  They were like, man, try the nut burger. Try the nut burger. And I'm like, who's trying to do stand up? What are they gonna get? That shit's not funny. But there were, there actually was a burger made of nuts.

• 43:38Speaker 05

  And they were all vegan.

• 43:41Andrew Santino?

  So what now, what now though? That's where you went and performed and the gangs dropped you off?

• 43:45Speaker 05

  You don't know. My homies went inside. They went inside and it's crazy. They went inside, man, and made it their home. And they were ordering beer and they were eating the food there. I guess they had wings.

• 43:59Speaker 05

  And there was, somebody was standing outside and he's so dope outside.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  Like somebody said, you got some? Yeah. And he started, started cracking right outside the theater.

• 44:11Speaker 05

  Cuz somebody wanted it, so.

• 44:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta support.

• 44:13Speaker 05

  And plus, nobody was there. No, no, that street didn't belong to anybody.

• 44:17Andrew Santino?

  On Fountain?

• 44:17Speaker 05

  On Fountain.

• 44:18Andrew Santino?

  Nobody was down there?

• 44:19Speaker 05

  Nobody was. I guess, I'm pretty sure now it belongs to a gang called like, nope, it was neutral.

• 44:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 44:25Speaker 05

  So he was out there making, serving people. And, um,

• 44:31Speaker 05

  they were spending so much money that the waitress finally said, you know, in a, in a nice way, you guys ever heard of tipping? You cheap bastards? Cuz they never, we never, I guess, that was our first time going to a place with a waitress, I guess.

• 44:47Andrew Santino?

  Right. You'd, everything else was getting.

• 44:49Speaker 05

  Everything was fast food.

• 44:50Andrew Santino?

  Or get it from the counter.

• 44:51Speaker 05

  Give me five burritos. Give me number five.

• 44:52Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 44:53Speaker 05

  Extra napkins, please. But it was, um, that lady was telling us, she told us, oh, like a hooker, like a stripper. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, kind of.

• 45:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, a food stripper.

• 45:03Speaker 05

  So then they just started tipping. And that was our first time tipping.

• 45:06Andrew Santino?

  That was the first time you ever saw, you ever tipped? That's kinda wild.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  Then I went to, um, there was a comedy contest at the Alco Poco Restaurant on Sunset. And I took all my friends again and I won.

• 45:19Andrew Santino?

  You did? How much was it?

• 45:20Speaker 05

  A hundred bucks, two hundred bucks.

• 45:22Andrew Santino?

  It's a good hundred bucks. I got, when I, I did Long Beach.

• 45:27Andrew Santino?

  I was playing in Long Beach and I was bombing and this guy, this gang member stood, or this dude stood up. And he started throwing signs and yelling shit. Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch, ba-da-da-da, all this shit. And I was so nervous, I was like, you know, cause I could tell. I was like, this table is not fucking with me. And, and he said, what is this last comic standing? That's what he said. What is this last comic standing? And I said, now they wouldn't, they wouldn't even let me on that show, that's how bad I was. And they all, people started laughing. So then when people started laughing at me making fun of myself, it like leveled the room a little bit, it got better. But I was so fucking scared and then afterwards, the guy who ran the thing was like, you should leave before the show's over. Just in case they try to find you and fuck you up. I was like, I'm fucking out of here, bro, fuck that. I didn't say anything to him though, I was, I was, I was like trying to not pay attention to him.

• 46:12Andrew Santino?

  Cause he stood up fucked up, he was so drunk and his buddies were trying to get him to calm down. But he was flashing gang signs at me. Long Beach, Long Beach, and that, that was, that was like, that was my first impressions of Long Beach. The gangs of Long Beach, performing at like little shitty clubs and bars around Long Beach.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  I did a little bar in Long Beach that-

• 46:29Andrew Santino?

  It used to be so sketchy, man.

• 46:30Speaker 05

  They had strict rules there. No dancing.

• 46:34Andrew Santino?

  At a bar?

• 46:35Speaker 05

  At a bar.

• 46:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:36Speaker 05

  I remember my wife and I, we started dancing and say, hey, you wanna dance in those two? And like those two, there was just black people sitting in those two like this. And then, they don't have a cabaret license or a dancing license.

• 46:48Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 46:49Speaker 05

  But they're doing stand-up.

• 46:50Andrew Santino?

  You need to have a license to have people dancing?

• 46:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, that place, old laws, they enforce them, I guess.

• 46:55Andrew Santino?

  Cause otherwise, it's like a nightclub? Yeah, it's like a nightclub or something.

• 46:59Speaker 05

  It was called a liquid lounge. And that's the only place-

• 47:02Andrew Santino?

  Why does that sound familiar? Where's that at?

• 47:03Speaker 05

  Bro, it was probably your place because this place was the only place where you'll see, um, surfers who live in their car. And cholos.

• 47:13Andrew Santino?

  Mixing together.

• 47:14Speaker 05

  And crips.

• 47:15Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 47:15Speaker 05

  And so, and somebody there swear he knows Snoop Dogg.

• 47:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so yeah, everyone there knows Snoop Dogg. I went to high school with, yeah, that's the name of it. Everybody went to high school with Snoop. Actually, he did go to high school with Cameron Diaz.

• 47:26Speaker 05

  That's what he says.

• 47:27Andrew Santino?

  Him, Cameron Diaz and someone else. I can't remember, there's one more person that's famous from down there.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  I did a show once at a place called Broly, California, and it's far. It's in the middle of nowhere, nothing special about that place. But, um, I remember the tough crowd, man. I went up on stage and I took off my jacket, you know, you took off your jacket to the stage. This dude from the row, row went up, put it on and sat down.

• 47:54Andrew Santino?

  What do you do? You just gotta keep going. You don't have a choice, bro. You just gotta keep telling your fucking jokes.

• 48:01Speaker 05

  I just said, "Sorry, ma'am. My lady's cold."

• 48:08Speaker 05

  They're about to laugh at me.

• 48:09Andrew Santino?

  Brawley?

• 48:10Speaker 05

  Brawley.

• 48:12Andrew Santino?

  I don't even know where the fuck that is.

• 48:14Speaker 05

  By Blythe?

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  Blythe, yeah. Out by Blythe. I know where that is.

• 48:19Speaker 05

  By Yakama?

• 48:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:21Speaker 05

  No, sorry.

• 48:21Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Yuma.

• 48:22Andrew Santino?

  Yuma.

• 48:23Speaker 05

  Yuma, yeah, really, yeah.

• 48:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah. That's the middle of fucking nowhere.

• 48:29Andrew Santino?

  Let me tell you about Verso. Verso is a leading and trusted company that has established itself as the go-to source for longevity products, okay? N M N. Trans-reversatrol and T M G research-backed ingredients that combat aging by raising N A D plus levels, the stuff that powers every single cell in your body. A lot of people talk about N A Ds now. A lot of people are hearing the buzzwords. And they have a strong focus on research over at Verso and customer trust. Verso has dedicated to providing high-quality products that target root causes of aging, yielding many health benefits for you. We all want to stay young. You see how these good-looking celebrities, they stay young? Well, they're going to the doctor. All right? You don't have time to get sliced up. You gotta take something that's helping your insides.

• 49:11Andrew Santino?

  You take two capsules of your first meal of the day containing a moderate fat as the bioavailability of reversatrol increases with fat. Okay? It's a fundamentally different approach. Instead of creating products that put the Band-Aid on the symptom, they formulated products designed to address the roots of problems. Always tested, and they pride themselves in transparency because they got third-party lab tests. This stuff is fantastique. Some of the biggest crimes are committed by the government. You've heard the story before. Big Pharma swoops in to take control. Now the FDA is trying to reclassify N M N, a natural compound in foods like broccoli, avocados, as a pharmaceutical drug. Why? Because M N N is so effective. They want to turn it into a pricey drug, keeping its health benefits out of reach for most people. It's like they're setting the stage for Big Pharma to profit. Come on.

• 49:55Andrew Santino?

  Making it harder for us to access something that could be dramatically supporting our own health.

• 50:01Andrew Santino?

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• 50:47Andrew Santino?

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• 51:34Andrew Santino?

  But now you're gigging good, man. You're leaving for Dublin in the morning, right?

• 51:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm leaving for Dublin in the morning.

• 51:39Andrew Santino?

  How long are you going to be in Ireland?

• 51:41Speaker 05

  I'm going to be in Dublin for like four days, three days maybe, and then England for another three, and then four in Amsterdam.

• 51:49Andrew Santino?

  How many shows?

• 51:51Speaker 05

  One in England and one in Amsterdam.

• 51:53Andrew Santino?

  Amsterdam's amazing. You've been there before?

• 51:56Speaker 05

  Amsterdam, yes. I was, I went to, oh man, this will be my third time going this year.

• 52:02Andrew Santino?

  So, I love it over there, man.

• 52:03Speaker 05

  I went to December for our Christmas.

• 52:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you went to Netherlands for Christmas?

• 52:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:07Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 52:08Speaker 05

  And then I went back in June for my birthday for Doja Cat's concert.

• 52:12Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's dope.

• 52:13Speaker 05

  Bitch, I said what I said. I'd rather be famous instead.

• 52:17Andrew Santino?

  She's great.

• 52:17Speaker 05

  I let all that shit get to my head.

• 52:18Andrew Santino?

  Bitch.

• 52:19Speaker 05

  And then I, I'm coming back for the show.

• 52:22Andrew Santino?

  That's fucking dope. I can't wait. That, I'm so excited for you, man. Like, I just got back from Australia yesterday. It's a long ass flight.

• 52:30Speaker 05

  How many shows you do over there? They were big, right?

• 52:32Andrew Santino?

  Ten, yeah. Bob and I did ten shows in thirteen days. And the biggest we did was Sydney had, um, eighty, wait. Yeah, eighty-five-hundred or something like that, I think it was. Yeah, eight, eight thousand five hundred was the biggest one we did.

• 52:52Speaker 05

  Congratulations.

• 52:53Andrew Santino?

  Thank you, bro. That was crazy, but it's, that, even when I, I can't, even to this day, I'm like, I can't believe it. But it was beautiful, man. We got to perform in these cities that, you know, I've never been to Western Australia, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane. I've never been to New Zealand, Auckland. Have you been down there?

• 53:11Speaker 05

  No.

• 53:11Andrew Santino?

  Shit is wild, you gotta go. Then they fucking would love, they just love it because it's so far, a lot of people don't go down there, you know? It's rare.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  I did Sydney and I did, um, Melbourne.

• 53:21Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you have been down there? Oh, you did, yeah. You did Melbourne, did you do, uh?

• 53:24Speaker 05

  The Comedy Club.

• 53:25Andrew Santino?

  The Comics Lounge, yeah, the Lounge.

• 53:26Speaker 05

  Comics Lounge.

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  Place is great, man. I did, when I was shooting a movie there, I went and did a couple of pop-up spots and, and sold a couple of shows there. I love, I love that city. Melbourne's the best, man. So dope.

• 53:37Speaker 05

  I didn't know that. When I got there, I said, where the Aboriginal is that? And then when I spoke to local people, oh man, we stopped hunting them in seventy-one.

• 53:50Speaker 05

  And they're right, bro. They're not in the city. I didn't see any.

• 53:52Andrew Santino?

  No, it's a lot of Asians. It's mostly Asian.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  Whoa, yeah, man.

• 53:55Andrew Santino?

  It's all Asian down there, yeah.

• 53:56Speaker 05

  A lot. At my show, I saw a lot of people from El Salvador.

• 54:00Andrew Santino?

  El Salvador, moved there, huh?

• 54:02Speaker 05

  Moved there probably during the first civil war in nineteen eighties.

• 54:05Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 54:06Speaker 05

  And they're like in their fifties now, or late forties.

• 54:08Andrew Santino?

  No shit. El Salvador and Melbourne in Australia.

• 54:11Speaker 05

  Cause they had a, when I was looking to the local people there, cause one of the guys there, he does our cartoons for our podcast.

• 54:20Andrew Santino?

  The guy that lives in Melbourne?

• 54:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, he does sloppy tunes.

• 54:22Andrew Santino?

  Sloppy tunes, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:24Speaker 05

  And he told us that, um, I forgot what he told us, man.

• 54:29Andrew Santino?

  But he was telling you about the El Salvadorians moving down there?

• 54:32Speaker 05

  I mean, a couple, like, three Salvadorians, and they told us that they moved there during the civil war with their parents.

• 54:39Andrew Santino?

  No shit.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  Well, what happened is when America stopped taking in the

• 54:44Andrew Santino?

  Refugees?

• 54:44Speaker 05

  Refugees from El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Guatemala, um, Australia took in the rest and sold it to Toronto. So, and sold it to Alberta. Who knows Alberta, Alberta, Canada, they were all Salvadorans.

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  That's so weird to be up there, too. Talk about the climate shift. Alberta's fucking freezing in the winter.

• 55:02Speaker 05

  And they don't even know, like, like, you know, here in LA, you know, they have their own, it's like the capital of Salvador, you know?

• 55:08Andrew Santino?

  Right, they got their own, yeah.

• 55:10Speaker 05

  Pico Union, bro.

• 55:11Andrew Santino?

  Right, your own barrio.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, Pico Union, like, they're DC. You know, like, hijo de la puta, cerote. Right? They didn't know, that dude over there, he didn't know what, they call each other, like, they have their own N-word. It's called cerote.

• 55:24Andrew Santino?

  Cerote?

• 55:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, that means shithead.

• 55:26Andrew Santino?

  Shithead.

• 55:27Speaker 05

  Hey, shithead!

• 55:28Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 55:29Speaker 05

  Right? But when a Mexican says it, it's like saying the N-word plus nine to them.

• 55:34Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 55:35Speaker 05

  They get really offended.

• 55:35Andrew Santino?

  If you say that to a Mexican?

• 55:37Speaker 05

  If a Mexican said it to them.

• 55:38Andrew Santino?

  Oh, shit, so they say it to each other?

• 55:40Speaker 05

  Cause we don't say it, when a Mexican says it, they don't really say it in a happy way. It's always like, pinche cerote. Like that, you know, like, oh, me.

• 55:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're trying, you're starting some shit.

• 55:49Speaker 05

  The guy asked me over there, what's a cerote? You don't know, bro?

• 55:55Speaker 05

  He goes, and I took a picture of him, bro. And I said, that's right here, bro.

• 56:00Speaker 05

  We both started laughing and he got it.

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:03Speaker 05

  He goes, that's what you guys call each other over there.

• 56:05Andrew Santino?

  So that's bad, so Mexicans don't say that shit at all to them. Otherwise, you're starting to fight.

• 56:10Speaker 05

  You're gonna start a fight, man.

• 56:11Andrew Santino?

  That's the N-word for them? That's so funny.

• 56:13Speaker 05

  Just call them compa or paisa.

• 56:15Andrew Santino?

  What's compa?

• 56:16Speaker 05

  Homie.

• 56:17Andrew Santino?

  Homie? And paisa, what's that?

• 56:18Speaker 05

  Buddy.

• 56:19Andrew Santino?

  Buddy.

• 56:20Speaker 05

  Like paisano.

• 56:20Andrew Santino?

  Paisano, that's Italian, oh yeah. Compa, buddy.

• 56:24Speaker 05

  I did my ancestry DNA, man.

• 56:26Andrew Santino?

  You did? What are we talking?

• 56:27Speaker 05

  They opened up another child support case on me.

• 56:31Speaker 05

  Eleven percent Greek-Italian. Me la pela's.

• 56:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, really? Eleven percent Greek and Italian.

• 56:38Speaker 05

  And then, um, three percent Irish.

• 56:40Andrew Santino?

  God bless.

• 56:41Speaker 05

  Those are those three red hairs that show up right here every summer.

• 56:43Andrew Santino?

  I see them right there, little freckles right there, bro. And then what's the rest? All Mexican?

• 56:47Speaker 05

  Thirty-nine percent Native American.

• 56:50Andrew Santino?

  Thirty-nine?

• 56:50Speaker 05

  Thirty-nine. And, um, there was like two percent of, um, Pacific Islander or somewhere in that area.

• 56:59Andrew Santino?

  Samoa or some shit?

• 57:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then the rest was from, um, Africa somewhere.

• 57:05Andrew Santino?

  So how much, how much Mexican?

• 57:07Speaker 05

  None.

• 57:07Andrew Santino?

  Shut the fuck up.

• 57:09Speaker 05

  None.

• 57:12Andrew Santino?

  Nothing. Yeah. Who are you, bro?

• 57:15Speaker 05

  I'm a, I'm a, I'm pirate blood, bro.

• 57:18Andrew Santino?

  You must be, yeah.

• 57:19Speaker 05

  Whoever was out there pillaging is my dad.

• 57:24Speaker 05

  Gotta do a bit about it, because I have very short legs. I'm like, I have to buy like a waist forty-four, twenty-nine.

• 57:32Andrew Santino?

  Twenty-nine?

• 57:33Speaker 05

  Twenty-nine.

• 57:34Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 57:34Speaker 05

  And everybody else is, my height is thirty-three, thirty-four.

• 57:37Andrew Santino?

  Right, exactly, yeah.

• 57:38Speaker 05

  But my torso is huge.

• 57:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you got a long torso.

• 57:41Speaker 05

  Long torso, like, look, it's like I'm standing up right now. And, um, I stand up, I get shorter, so. I, what I, what I say that was, when the colonizers came. They're huge, the Europeans, man, they're like six foot five, six-three. You know, big, big, smelly motherfuckers, right? And then we were here, man, we were like little, man. You've seen Guatemalans, man, you've seen the original Latino, original Mexican from Oaxaca, you know?

• 58:10Andrew Santino?

  Tiny.

• 58:10Speaker 05

  We're, we're like five-one, five foot five, you know, like, whoa, he's tall. So, um, they fucked us all up, bro, it's like mixing a Saint Bernard with a chihuahua, man.

• 58:23Speaker 05

  So I got like the pit bull body.

• 58:25Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 58:26Speaker 05

  But I got some little baby chihuahua legs, bro.

• 58:30Speaker 05

  I got Deadpool legs.

• 58:34Speaker 05

  It looks funny, bro, cuz um, my shirt, I have to buy double legs, so it could go all the way down.

• 58:40Andrew Santino?

  Right, cuz your torso's so long.

• 58:42Speaker 05

  So long.

• 58:42Andrew Santino?

  Cuz you're not a double X, you just need the length.

• 58:44Speaker 05

  I just need the length, man.

• 58:46Andrew Santino?

  You need the length, bro.

• 58:48Speaker 05

  Like, I could, I could um, punch people further than I could karate chop them with a kick. Like, my round house, I might as well just.

• 58:57Andrew Santino?

  It's a round condo.

• 58:58Speaker 05

  It don't even matter, man.

• 58:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a round apartment, it's not a round house.

• 59:03Speaker 05

  Bro, this is what I wanted to ask you.

• 59:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:05Speaker 05

  Growing up, with my friend, the redheaded guy.

• 59:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:08Speaker 05

  And um, he used to dye his hair black.

• 59:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 05

  Because they used to fuck with him so much.

• 59:14Andrew Santino?

  No, not me, well, he's black too, that's different.

• 59:16Speaker 05

  We used to call him Red Carew after that, like Rock Carew.

• 59:18Andrew Santino?

  Red Carew?

• 59:21Andrew Santino?

  Rock Carew, Hall of Famer.

• 59:23Speaker 05

  So he would get mad, tell you were born of blood, huh, homie?

• 59:27Speaker 05

  So then I met this per- when we, we were working, cuz we used to work for like the, the summer jobs. So our summer job was working with the housing authority, cleaning the projects. So we met this pervert, right? And he was like a pedophile probably, but he was talking always nasty about, nah, he goes, you gotta get yourself a redheaded chick. And he started signing this bullshit ass line, bro. And he said, no, they're, they're hotter cuz they're redheaded, so it burns down there.

• 59:59Andrew Santino?

  Nah, bro, you don't want it to burn.

• 1:00:01Speaker 05

  And I was like, dude, are you serious?

• 1:00:04Speaker 05

  You should shake that out.

• 1:00:07Speaker 05

  So that was his theory, bro, cuz he been with, I guess his wife are redheaded.

• 1:00:11Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:00:11Speaker 05

  He goes, and it, and it burns right after, man.

• 1:00:18Andrew Santino?

  So stupid. Yeah, your boy dyed his hair because he was black, though. White people with red hair, if we dyed our hair black, everybody, it was so obvious. Everybody would know. Black dudes who have red hair, it's like lightly red. It's not really like this. It's like, it's like, it's hard to describe. It's like burnt, dark burnt orange, you know?

• 1:00:37Speaker 05

  It's beige.

• 1:00:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but yeah, it's like a, it's like, it's just like off-black. But it's not, it's not as wild as this is.

• 1:00:44Speaker 05

  Like, Canelo's redhead, right?

• 1:00:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's a ginger, yeah. There's a lot of Mexican redheads, actually. There's more than you'd think.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, because a lot of Irish, Irish soldiers fled to Mexico.

• 1:00:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  During the Mexican.

• 1:01:00Andrew Santino?

  That's why it's in my blood. I always liked Mexican chicks.

• 1:01:01Speaker 05

  Mexican-American war.

• 1:01:03Andrew Santino?

  I always liked Latino chicks when I was young.

• 1:01:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. You should, you should do a movie about that.

• 1:01:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:08Speaker 05

  There's a statue in Mexico. It's called, it's called Los San Patricios. It's called the Saint Patrick's.

• 1:01:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:17Speaker 05

  Because a bunch of Irish, when the Irish were fighting, they were coming out the boats and they would just, you want to be American? Yeah. And they give them a little outfit. They would give them a little uniform. Go fight Mexicans. So they would sneak out to go to church. And they would go to church with the Mexicans.

• 1:01:35Andrew Santino?

  Because it's all Catholic.

• 1:01:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. And then after a while, they started like seeing that, oh, man, we left our country to fight for religion, freedom, and here we are fighting the same religion again.

• 1:01:48Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  So like, like over a hundred of them joined the Mexican army. And they fought under the, for Mexico against the United States. And all of them got murdered.

• 1:01:59Andrew Santino?

  In the Mexican-American war?

• 1:02:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, they all got murdered.

• 1:02:02Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna make a movie about that.

• 1:02:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, bro, it's called San Patricios. And they're all there, man, all. So that's why Canelo is the aftermath of that.

• 1:02:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that'll be like my, that'll be like my Three Amigos, you know? That'll be my San Patricios, yeah. That's a genius idea. You're in it with me. That's it.

• 1:02:19Speaker 05

  Hell, yeah, bro.

• 1:02:20Andrew Santino?

  I'm writing that shit. When you get back from Dublin, we'll work on that. You go see my family.

• 1:02:24Speaker 05

  Los Patricios, bro.

• 1:02:25Andrew Santino?

  Los Patricios.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  Hell yeah, bro. You lead the pack, Brandon Sharp?

• 1:02:29Andrew Santino?

  Me? No, it's me, it's me, you and Ralph Barbosa.

• 1:02:32Speaker 05

  Hell yeah, man.

• 1:02:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, that'll be the clique. Me, you and Barbosa. When you go down to Dublin, if you ever get to leave Dublin, go down to, um, Kill Kenny. If you get down south, if you get, if you can, are you gonna rent a car?

• 1:02:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:43Andrew Santino?

  You'll rent a car and drive south to Kill Kenny. Kill Kenny is beautiful, man. It's, or if you really wanna see a lot, you gotta go to the, to the west coast by like Shannon and, uh, uh, what's the other one called over there? I forget, bro. You gotta, you gotta go to the west coast when you get a chance.

• 1:02:58Speaker 05

  My wife's family's coming. They're all Daniels.

• 1:03:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 1:03:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:02Andrew Santino?

  You said you're white family?

• 1:03:03Speaker 05

  My wife's family, they're all Daniels.

• 1:03:05Andrew Santino?

  Uh, all Daniels?

• 1:03:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:07Andrew Santino?

  Your wife is mixed?

• 1:03:08Speaker 05

  No, she's not Irish.

• 1:03:09Andrew Santino?

  She, all Irish?

• 1:03:11Speaker 05

  Well, she did her DNA and it came out all white.

• 1:03:13Andrew Santino?

  No shit?

• 1:03:15Speaker 05

  Irish, um, European and other stuff.

• 1:03:19Andrew Santino?

  Stay white, man, huh?

• 1:03:20Speaker 05

  So we're gonna go to the Guinness.

• 1:03:22Andrew Santino?

  Oh, the factory? Yeah, you gotta go. That's, but you're not gonna have a drink, though.

• 1:03:26Speaker 05

  They have, they make another alcoholic one now.

• 1:03:27Andrew Santino?

  The NA beers are actually really good. They're delicious, man. They're so good. All right, when you go, when you hit me, hit me when you get back, we'll make San Patricios, uh, when you get back off tour. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, this is Felipe Esparza. He's on tour, uh, after Dublin, because this'll come out after you're already over there. When you get back to the States, where are you at?

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

  I'll be at West Nyack.

• 1:03:50Andrew Santino?

  In New York?

• 1:03:51Speaker 05

  The week before Christmas.

• 1:03:52Andrew Santino?

  There you go.

• 1:03:53Speaker 05

  Then I'm coming back in February to do the city music hall, I think.

• 1:03:57Andrew Santino?

  In where?

• 1:03:58Speaker 05

  In, um, New York City.

• 1:03:59Andrew Santino?

  Town Hall?

• 1:04:00Speaker 05

  Town Hall. I don't know. Don't quote me on that. Go to felipeworld.com.

• 1:04:04Andrew Santino?

  Go to felipeworld.com right now and check him out. I appreciate you, bro. It's so good to see you. Look into that camera right there. We end the show the same way. One word or one phrase to end the episode. Do you have a word of wisdom or a phrase of wisdom to impart on the people?

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  Party hard, man. Don't hurt nobody.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:04:29Speaker 03

  Sturdy and ginger. Like their house, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:04:33Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell no.

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.