MBMBaM 753: The Dicktine Chapel

Griffin has returned from the high seas just in time for us to take a question we’re actually qualified to answer. Along the way we rediscover the rule of threes, join a class action lawsuit, and try to figure out the best counter-move for an icebreaker. Suggested talking points: Adrien Brody’s Gumtoss, Standalone Ball Drawings, Mark Spotify CEO of Squarespace, Little House on the Toilet Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  One, two, three. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and Advice Show for the modern era. Hold on one second before I start. Hey, Sid. Sid. Sid, I gotta do the podcast, babe. Can you take the? Thanks. Thanks.

• 1:24Griffin McElroy?

  My gum.

• 1:25Travis McElroy?

  What up, Travis?

• 1:26Griffin McElroy?

  Catch my gum. Yeah, we got that. Your foley was so on point there, Michael Winslow. Was it good foley? We got exactly what that goof.

• 1:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Vroom, vroom. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your brother Travis, Big Dog, Wolf, Wolf, Macro. Oh, your gum. Oh, you missed Sidney. Oh, joke. Sorry, it's stuck in my throat.

• 1:44Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, everybody. I'm your brother, my youngest brother. Hold on, let me run this through the AI voice enhancer. Hey, everybody, it's me, Griffin McElroy, the youngest brother built Ford Tough. So do you guys not know about his AI? About Adrian, capital A and I in his first name, Brody? You don't know about that?

• 2:05Travis McElroy?

  Uh, sorry, no, I didn't know about that.

• 2:07Griffin McElroy?

  He wins Best Actor.

• 2:08Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:09Griffin McElroy?

  Gets up there, spits gum, throws that wife.

• 2:13Griffin McElroy?

  Weird, wild choice that he made. He wins best actor. He, we find out that from the editor of the film, I believe, that they used AI to enhance the Hungarian accent of the actors in the film. I didn't know you did do that. I think, let's toss a fucking asterisk up there on that. You know how they raise the jerseys up inside of the, you know, Kodak Party Hall or wherever they hold the Oscars? Raise one up there, asterisk next to Mr. Brody's name, I think. It's only fair.

• 2:45Travis McElroy?

  As, I will say this, as one of the three brothers, the only one of the three that got a degree in acting from Fame School, um, being able to do acting is like do accents is like a big part, one of the major things.

• 3:03Griffin McElroy?

  It's cheating. Cause I don't know what he sounded like on the set. He could have been like, hi, I'm Adrian Brody. Um, I love designing ar- I know fucking nothing about The Brutalist. I know fucking nothing about The Brutalist, but I could win an Oscar if you run it through enough fucking filters.

• 3:19Travis McElroy?

  It's not like doing, it's not like doing, see, you know, doing some computer graphics to make it look like Superman's flying. I don't expect an actor to be able to do that. But a, a accent?

• 3:31Griffin McElroy?

  A accent.

• 3:32Travis McElroy?

  A accent? That's, the one thing we should know about Adrian Brody that we learned from SNL is you cannot give this man a microphone.

• 3:42Griffin McElroy?

  You cannot give this man a microphone.

• 3:45Travis McElroy?

  Or apparently gum or a partner. Or room to breathe. You can't give this man space because if you let him follow his gut.

• 3:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:53Travis McElroy?

  It's gonna take him to some odd places. Like, no, no, no Jamaican accents this time, but still some like.

• 4:00Griffin McElroy?

  Although it is possible, he showed up day one of Philly for The Brutalist and he was like, and he was like, time to design a city skyline, but in a terrible Jamaican accent that I won't even do as a joke. And the director's like, what the fuck's he, it's okay, we'll AI it.

• 4:13Travis McElroy?

  It's the only accent I have.

• 4:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. And it's, and then Adrian Brody was like, it's not taking work away from anybody. Uh, Adrian, it's taking work away from you, man. It's taking work away from you. It's taking your work away, Adrian, that you'd had to do for the film.

• 4:30Travis McElroy?

  Also, Wild to Say is not taking work away from anyone, when I'm pretty sure that there are very talented actors out there who could do a Hungarian accent. It's like if I showed up, if I showed up at a restaurant and I said, I'd like to be chef now, I'm very charismatic. And they said, you are very charismatic. Do you know how to chop things? And I said, no, can you get a chopping robot to do it for me?

• 4:53Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 4:54Travis McElroy?

  Why didn't we just get a chef who knows how to chop things?

• 4:58Griffin McElroy?

  Now, now, how do we feel? How do we feel about the, turn that music off? I know what I'm doing. Let me finish my speech. It's not my first rodeo. How do we feel about that? Cause a lot of the elements of his presentation that evening were pretty rowdy in a way that I found disgraceful.

• 5:17Travis McElroy?

  I feel like it's such an incredible read.

• 5:22Travis McElroy?

  I think it's such an incredible read at this time on earth to say, no, don't let the globe keep a turning right now.

• 5:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yep.

• 5:33Travis McElroy?

  Lord, please let us slow down and just appreciate the Adrian of it all. For just a few more minutes, please, God, let us just marinate in this Adrian Brody focused moment. It's been a long time since we as a globe have stopped. And you know what? Of all the things that we could do right now, Adrian? You're right. We all should give it a little bit longer to just really stew in the Adrian Brody-ness of the moment. I bet that the production staff of the Oscars was so thrown because no one's ever asked to not play the music and give them more time before. So they were probably like, whoa, um, he asked, guys, we should turn the music off and let him keep talking.

• 6:17Travis McElroy?

  We didn't realize he was still going or we wouldn't have started the music.

• 6:21Griffin McElroy?

  It's definitely happened before, but this time was, yeah, I mean, it's Hollywood.

• 6:25Travis McElroy?

  It meant something because it's Adrian Brody, guy. Do you know how hard? Do you guys know how long he has had to work to get back to this point again? Where he is once more being honored for being the best actor in the world? Do you know how hard he's had to fight to make this happen yet again for himself?

• 6:46Travis McElroy?

  What is it about Timothy Chalamet that I can still feel bad for him when he loses an Oscar? He's 15 years old, he's in all of the Best Picture nominees. Wearing bright yellow. He's wearing bright yellow, he's got 800 bajillion dollars. He's funny and charming, like he seems to just be like a genuinely nice human being. He knows about sports, which Tim? Tim. For me, that was where you lost me. That was a bridge too far. I think the thing. Why is it that I still, when he gets passed over for an Oscar, am like, ah, man? Because everybody feels comfortable referencing Timothy Chalamet.

• 7:25Travis McElroy?

  Everybody, like, I felt like every joke, every speech, every bit, they're like, he's got a great last name that's fun to say in a bit. So funny. And look at him, everybody knows that Timothy Chalamet is. So everybody's referencing him. Wait, stop for a second right there. I think that what you just said is actually so important. And I, I do actually want to stop and touch on this for a second. Hang a lantern on it. We are in, we are living in an increasingly fractious world and nation. Where there seems to be, obviously, we wave bye bye to the monoculture long ago. Yeah. And we are now in a more fractious period of culture where we're not really united. No.

• 8:06Travis McElroy?

  I, I will say thi- and I'm probably not telling you anything you don't know, but I will say this. I feel like through his participation in Dune. Uh huh. Yes. And in the Bob Dylan movie. And Wonka. And it. And Lady Bird. And, okay. No, but the other ones. Oh, okay. I feel like maybe. You heard it, hey Tim, did you hear that? You sucked shit in Wonka and Lady Bird. What I'm saying is like, we used to have this idea of movies that would appeal to everybody. Yes. We used to have this idea, that's gone. What I'm saying is.

• 8:44Travis McElroy?

  Timothy Chalamet may be the only person that everybody knows, right? The last. It may be the one thing that like generationally, we all kind of know Timothy Chalamet is. And I would say generationally, he probably has like favorable approval ratings. You know what I mean? Like I'm saying, I want to cling to those things that we can all still agree on. And I pray that, I just hope and pray. Even. Timothy Chalamet may continue to be that, that little strand. I would, I would make him. To your point, Justin, I think parents, grandparents, children alike can get together and they could just start listing off names of people they would like that they have some frame of reference for. And I think.

• 9:27Travis McElroy?

  Travis, I'm sorry, just listing off names of people end of sentence. Yes. And Timothy Chalamet would be the only one that all three would be like, well, yeah. Yeah. I know who that is. They're going to rename the Venn diagram, the Timothy Chalamet. Because it's just, that's what he is. It's just like, that's all it represents. He's the one unifying thing that we can all like. Yeah, like Timothy Chalamet, you guys know about him and everybody's like, mm hmm. But he doesn't get an Oscar. Doesn't need one. But doesn't need one. And also can I say Travis? I don't know if the Oscar upsets this delicate, delicate balance that Tim has established, right? Like I can't risk, maybe we need him to be an underdog, you know?

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  Maybe we need him to be fighting for acceptance. Maybe like, that's the thing that pushes him over out of relatability. He somehow managed to maintain it. And like, maybe that would be the, the breaking point. This, he's a wave with crossover appeal. If he gets too many accolades, all of a sudden now he's big time. Like Tom Hanks, now he's big time chops. Yeah, Tom Hanks won like 16 Oscars in a row or something. And then everyone was like, yeah, okay. Joe versus. And then he was in Cloud Atlas. Cloud Atlas, that's another Oscar winning performance. I don't think he won for Cloud Atlas. We all won. We all won with that movie in a lot of ways. It was like nine movies. You were on a cruise during this Oscars.

• 10:56Travis McElroy?

  How did you intake the Oscars this year? How did you catch up with Oscarvania?

• 11:01Griffin McElroy?

  Um, last night when I got back, last night when I got back and it was sucked guys, because I'll tell you why. Everyone was talking about Adrian Brody throwing his gum at his wife. And everyone was talking about, but they were talking about it in a way where it's like, we already talked about Adrian Brody throwing his wife gum.

• 11:19Travis McElroy?

  We didn't get, we didn't know. And Griffin, it's still, I think, worth mentioning that Adrian Brody, before he went up to do his big speeches, like, before getting a lot of honor and recognition, decided to spread that honor and recognition around by chucking his chewed ass gum. Chewed ass gum, who I heard that, uh, uh, on, uh, the rest is entertainment. She said that it, she caught it like it was a wedding bouquet. Pretty brutal. The next, next Oscar.

• 11:47Griffin McElroy?

  I heard that there was spooky music played for some reason during the in memoriam segment, which I haven't heard or seen, but that sounds good.

• 11:55Travis McElroy?

  Weird dirge. Yeah.

• 11:56Griffin McElroy?

  Cool. I'm into that. See, that's put a little, it's not about melancholy for me. That moment should be a warning. It should be a grounding moment of clarity for everyone in that theater of like, enjoy these honors, enjoy your flowers, because you know.

• 12:13Travis McElroy?

  You never know. You never know. I'll say there were some twists and turns in that in memoriam. Some people came up and it was news to me. There was a couple of those. They hate me.

• 12:22Griffin McElroy?

  I hate when they throw twists in there.

• 12:24Travis McElroy?

  Rob Lowe, one of his favorite quotes, Rob Lowe said, uh, every time in a movie or TV show, I open a door and smile. I always wonder if that's the clip they'll use for the in memoriam.

• 12:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. So I was like, I mean, I'm late to the party. Everybody is so fucking tired of talking about this shit, which sucks because it's been the first 12 minutes of content in this episode of podcasting.

• 12:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but we're here now. Uh,

• 12:48Griffin McElroy?

  And I got it out of my system. I thank you, boys. You guys are my outlet.

• 12:53Travis McElroy?

  At my school, a bathroom was just shut down because a kid drew too many peni on the walls. I think you're the only ones who can answer the pressing question. How many penises must be drawn in a high school bathroom for it to be shut down? Is there a certain limit you can have before it gets to be too much? What is the proper punishment for this crime? That's from in distress in Indiana and congratulations on finding a question that it is exactly at our skill level. This is exactly where we are qualified to operate.

• 13:19Griffin McElroy?

  Let's do, let's just go down the line. Zero, no, there's no problem. One penis. This is one of the worst options, I feel, because it's gonna, people are gonna be curious about it. If certain, if they, if, you know, maybe they haven't taken health class yet and they don't know what's going on there. They don't know what that thing is.

• 13:39Travis McElroy?

  Also, in this regard, I will say in this circumstance, size does matter.

• 13:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:44Travis McElroy?

  One giant penis drawn on the wall.

• 13:46Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 13:47Travis McElroy?

  Can I, I want to be careful for this discussion that we don't get into the question of size. Because like I actually, the person asked for a number and I feel like we can arrive at the number. Absolutely. If we bring size into it, scientific, so here's what I'll say. Starting from zero, that one's easy.

• 14:04Griffin McElroy?

  Can we just establish though, let's, let's use just frame of reference for size. Big enough to see.

• 14:10Travis McElroy?

  Big enough to see.

• 14:11Griffin McElroy?

  Big enough to see.

• 14:12Travis McElroy?

  This is not a where's small though, hidden penis. You would not miss it if you, on a regular bathroom visit, you would clock.

• 14:18Griffin McElroy?

  Clock it, yeah.

• 14:19Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 14:19Griffin McElroy?

  But, but small enough that you don't go like, wow, that's a big picture of a penis.

• 14:25Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 14:26Griffin McElroy?

  Not a mural.

• 14:27Travis McElroy?

  So here's what I would say.

• 14:28Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 14:29Travis McElroy?

  First one is fine because the first one, you have plausible deniability. First one, you can say that's not a penis.

• 14:38Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 14:38Travis McElroy?

  Right?

• 14:39Griffin McElroy?

  I'll also say this, first one is like, that could have been a situation where someone sat down in the stall with no intent of drawing a penis, but looked around and was like, there's no penis doodle anywhere. So I guess I'll put one on here.

• 14:52Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:53Griffin McElroy?

  Compulsory.

• 14:54Travis McElroy?

  To be scientific about this, I'm gonna ask a question that I don't even know needs asking. This is assuming testicles are present as well, right? That wing you're drawing at.

• 15:03Griffin McElroy?

  Trav, I love you so much, pal. Have you ever, have you ever seen that before? Have you ever just seen a shaft doodle, pal? With the balls are the re-

• 15:13Travis McElroy?

  No, this is what I'm saying.

• 15:14Griffin McElroy?

  What I'm saying, Travis, is that a lot of the time, a penis drawing-

• 15:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, don't ask a question you don't want an answer to, Trav. Let him, let him answer you.

• 15:21Griffin McElroy?

  A lot of the time, a penis drawing starts because you start drawing something and you're like, "That looks like balls."

• 15:27Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 15:28Griffin McElroy?

  And then you do the rest of it based off of that. The idea that someone would draw a just shaft and then would be like, "Done," is wild. That's never happened in the history of humankind, so.

• 15:40Travis McElroy?

  Right, so. I just don't want us to get too far down the road of speaking about it in the specific terms of the penis and not including it as a unit. The first one is actually the hardest one to get pa- like, excuse my-

• 15:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. No, that's what I'm saying. It's one of the worst options.

• 15:57Travis McElroy?

  It's one of the worst ones, but it is like, you're not gonna shut it down for one, right?

• 16:02Griffin McElroy?

  No, I don't think you will.

• 16:03Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:04Griffin McElroy?

  Now, I do think it's more likely that you would see standalone balls.

• 16:07Travis McElroy?

  Are we staying on one? I just want to be clear. Are we still on one, or did you want to move into two?

• 16:11Griffin McElroy?

  I just want to explore the possibility of standalone balls drawings over standalone shaft drawings. I think that that would be much more commonplace, but really, you gotta-

• 16:18Travis McElroy?

  And not germane to the discussion, which is already protracted.

• 16:21Griffin McElroy?

  Two is like, totally inoffensive to me. If I see two, it's like, okay.

• 16:27Travis McElroy?

  It almost blends in with the geometry. You know what I mean? It's almost like the textures that they designed for this bathroom had two penises. And it's kinda nice, because now they're not lonely.

• 16:37Griffin McElroy?

  You do think that. They have, "Oh, look at those friends," you think. And then you spend the rest of your toilet time thinking about your friends. And that's cool.

• 16:44Travis McElroy?

  I would say like, two and three, not to like lump this together, but like, two and three, I appreciate because it removes for me the pressure to go clean up the one. Because if there's one, there's the stress of like, "I should really go get the magic eraser and clean that up." If I see three, I'm like, "Oh, God, it's a bathroom," you know? When I see three, though, I assume they're gossiping, though, and that is, that gets to be a little distracting.

• 17:08Griffin McElroy?

  For me, when I see three, I have the thought- Starting to be a lot of penises in here. I have the thought of like

• 17:15Travis McElroy?

  Three is your life.

• 17:16Griffin McElroy?

  Three is not the hot wood territory. Three is like, okay. I'm not gonna tear down, not gonna tear down the stall and smash the toilet for three, but I will have the thought, I hope this doesn't go any farther.

• 17:28Travis McElroy?

  You know, that is a tipping point though. Because here's the thing. Think about that gum wall, you know, in a, I think it's in, what, San Francisco, Seattle, the gum wall at the, the market? If you put one piece of gum on there, someone's just to face that wall. Two pieces of gum. Okay, now, but after three, it's starting to be a thing now. Guys, this is so, the important work that this show does is it finds truths that are truths that we didn't know were here. Cause guys, I'm thinking about four penises in a bathroom and I'm going, ape shit.

• 18:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:03Travis McElroy?

  You're so, it's like, we, we, the, the, the lunatics are running the asylum now. We are in absolute shutdown. This is why it must be shut down too. After three, the tipping point from three to four, students are now leaving to go to the bathroom, just to add another penis to the wall.

• 18:20Griffin McElroy?

  That's, that's what I'm saying.

• 18:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's, it's a joke now.

• 18:23Griffin McElroy?

  If there's four on the wall, there's not gonna be four on the wall for very long.

• 18:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:27Griffin McElroy?

  That's why I will say, if you ever see a bathroom stall with four penises drawn on the wall, enjoy it buddy, because someone's gonna get up there and make it five real soon. And then six, and then seven.

• 18:36Travis McElroy?

  Great start to fall. That's what I always say.

• 18:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:40Travis McElroy?

  So if you see three, that's not too many, but you need to clean then, before four gets there. Now, this is interesting, guys. Here's, here's what I've discovered. I'm more comfortable with five.

• 18:52Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 18:53Travis McElroy?

  Because it feels like five has reached a sort of pagan stabilizing power, right? It feels like there's a, a sort of like pagan energy that is being summoned by the sort of like de facto pentagram drawn by five. Five feels like in harmony with nature, and it feels like

• 19:12Griffin McElroy?

  That's the only one.

• 19:13Travis McElroy?

  If we can just get to five and stabilize, we'll be okay.

• 19:16Griffin McElroy?

  It's the only number post-three that is like, okay. It's like, one, cool. Two, friends. Three, eh. Four, too much. Five.

• 19:27Travis McElroy?

  Gentle pagan energy, six through infinity. That's too many dicks, dude. If the five penis units have been drawn, four side by side, standing up and down, and then one drawn across as a slash mark, now we know that's a complete unit.

• 19:42Griffin McElroy?

  Well, we can't even talk about of arrangement, right? Because if you had four penises on the wall, clearly that's a time to pan. Let me finish.

• 19:49Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Finish.

• 19:51Griffin McElroy?

  If there's four penises on the wall, that's when you start to panic. But if they're drawn in like a cool Voltron, like they connect Voltron style and they form like a bigger dude, like obviously you're gonna be like, wow, that's like, a lot of these rules are suspended if they are beautifully drawn.

• 20:04Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 20:05Griffin McElroy?

  That people like appreciate.

• 20:07Travis McElroy?

  If it becomes like a mandala and people are adding the penises to it.

• 20:11Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, God, an infinite fractal of penis.

• 20:14Travis McElroy?

  If you had six penises. Uh huh. I'd go to the doctor. But the school had been open for 60 years. And each of the peni represented a different decade of the school's history.

• 20:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 20:29Travis McElroy?

  In a uniform or a clothing style. Era appropriate, some mascot, I don't know what the mascot of the school is. Maybe a speech bubble encapsulating a description of a news event.

• 20:40Griffin McElroy?

  Like a groovy penis for the 70s.

• 20:44Travis McElroy?

  Groovy, man. Yeah. So if I see that, and I'm like coming in as the vice principal of discipline or whatever, and I see that at Clarkson Community College where I myself attended, and I see those 60 years of history represented on the wall, then for me, I'm like, well, I'm touched, you know what I mean? That's kind of beautiful. And what's beautiful about that too is your assumption if only one goes up a decade, someone's chosen, whether probably not by staff, but by the student body, there's someone, because you can't just go in there and doodle it on your own, because people will see it and be like, that does not capture this decade at all. Why'd you do that?

• 21:23Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 21:24Travis McElroy?

  You need somebody who rises, not elected as a student body leader, but rather a naturally born leader to draw the penis on the wall. So if you do six historical ones, you're fine. Now, seven, that to me, guys, starts to feel claustrophobic. I'm starting to feel like, where do I look where I'm not looking at a wiener now?

• 21:42Griffin McElroy?

  There's a, the toilet could be perfectly clean, could be spotless, like you don't see them anymore, perfectly clean. Um, which for me is like green flag, time to go. I'm not gonna have to do any. Sanitary work myself in order to make this thing uh romp ready. But I shut the door and there's seven fucking pink wieners in there, man. I'm not, I can't stay. That's too much for me.

• 22:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's too much.

• 22:08Travis McElroy?

  Judgmental. Seven feels, yeah, seven feels predatory. The um, here's the thing that this, this is a really important point now that we've reached here at eight. Because the science tells us that the reason phone numbers were are seven digits long.

• 22:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Travis McElroy?

  They used to be, you know, seven is about the biggest number that we can hold in our hand. Like se- seven digits in our.

• 22:33Griffin McElroy?

  In our head.

• 22:34Travis McElroy?

  Not in our head. In my hand, I can hold lots, but in my head. I've seen you hold all kinds of big numbers in your hand. You're very strong. Uh, in my, in my high school graduation photos, I was holding a big 99. Yeah. I was looking, looking cool. So, uh.

• 22:47Griffin McElroy?

  Well.

• 22:48Travis McElroy?

  What? Sorry. What Griffin? Did you have something? I heard a little noise like a. Well, like.

• 22:52Griffin McElroy?

  Sneak. I sneezed.

• 22:54Travis McElroy?

  It was a sneeze.

• 22:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, a little one. What were you saying?

• 22:58Travis McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 22:59Griffin McElroy?

  About eight? So you're saying we can't hold eight numbers?

• 23:02Travis McElroy?

  Is the, once you see, you can't count that number anymore. So like eight through infinity. Or I think is like, can't even process. It's all penises. Like you, you can't distinguish at that point between eight and nine. The mind can't distinguish. That's fair because then the kid comes back from a bathroom break. It's been 45 minutes, maybe an hour. And the teacher's like, you were gone a really long time. And they're like, I got lost in the penises. I was, I was trying to hold them all eight in my mind at the same time, and I simply couldn't. And it ju- I just lost time in there. And I can't remember math now. Now the next. Sorry, Griffin. Go ahead.

• 23:45Griffin McElroy?

  No, it sounds like you had a thing.

• 23:46Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no. At what point? Please ask.

• 23:48Griffin McElroy?

  At what, at what point does it cross back over? At what point does it cross into the point of like genuine fear? Like if, or like unable to comprehend how this many discreet penises have.

• 24:06Travis McElroy?

  There are.

• 24:07Griffin McElroy?

  If there's 900 penises on the wall, you walk in and be like, ah, Principal Wilson, you better get in here.

• 24:13Travis McElroy?

  But if there's not.

• 24:14Griffin McElroy?

  Like a horror movie, help written on the wall once. Oh, no. Help written 100 times around the room.

• 24:20Travis McElroy?

  Fucking way, man. But if there's 900 penises of various shapes and sizes.

• 24:25Griffin McElroy?

  Like a wallpaper?

• 24:25Travis McElroy?

  Styles.

• 24:26Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Travis McElroy?

  On the ceiling, suddenly it's like they should have sent a poet, you know? Yeah, the Dick Teen Chapel. Yeah, at that point, you're like, you're not gonna paint over it. That's a good. The other number, and this is actually, this one you need a graphing calculator for, so I'm, and it is size dependent. But there's a number at which you draw so many penises that it becomes a sort of camouflage. Where you could draw them on yourself, draw them on the walls. It's like razzle dazzle. Where the patterns you can no longer discern as penises. So it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't matter as much. I would say there's also a tipping point where there are so many penises on the wall. That they stop being individuals and becomes one battalion of penis.

• 25:11Travis McElroy?

  Right? Where it's just like, that's the army of penis, right? When it moves from like five people, 20 people to just one army.

• 25:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:18Travis McElroy?

  Right? There would be a saturation point reached.

• 25:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:23Travis McElroy?

  Where all you think about is like a singular unit of units.

• 25:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:28Griffin McElroy?

  Man.

• 25:29Travis McElroy?

  So not, I mean.

• 25:30Griffin McElroy?

  I think four is, four is the lowest number.

• 25:34Travis McElroy?

  Four and eight.

• 25:36Griffin McElroy?

  Are bad.

• 25:38Travis McElroy?

  If it hits four, you need to take action.

• 25:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Four, one, two, three.

• 25:43Travis McElroy?

  If it goes past four, don't take action and wait until it gets back to eight. At that point, you gotta take action again.

• 25:49Griffin McElroy?

  Did we like six?

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  Six was good because that could be a historic.

• 25:53Griffin McElroy?

  You're right.

• 25:54Travis McElroy?

  If it's six, it could be a historic thing. Six is great, too. There's a rhyming thing there.

• 25:59Griffin McElroy?

  And then seven is lucky. And then eight.

• 26:02Travis McElroy?

  Close to God.

• 26:02Griffin McElroy?

  Eight is where things start to get pretty thorny.

• 26:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:05Griffin McElroy?

  So four, blink, blink, blink, eight through eight ninety-nine.

• 26:11Travis McElroy?

  The second you see four, because if you take your time getting your bucket and manage to raise it and you come back and there's five, you missed your window.

• 26:18Griffin McElroy?

  You missed your window.

• 26:20Travis McElroy?

  And if they're drawn on the windows, that's another problem because people can see that from outside.

• 26:27Griffin McElroy?

  That had to be the whole episode, right?

• 26:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:29Griffin McElroy?

  That'd be like, punch the clock, boys.

• 26:31Travis McElroy?

  No, we've, uh, we've, uh, earned our chance to earn our money, Griffin. That's all we've earned. Let's take a trip on over to the money zone.

• 26:49Travis McElroy?

  Do you want to showcase your dick-related art?

• 26:52Griffin McElroy?

  Not in a bathroom. Stop and try it again.

• 26:55Travis McElroy?

  No? Do it a different way.

• 26:57Griffin McElroy?

  Another try. Let's do a, we could do like an improv game.

• 26:59Travis McElroy?

  Of the company.

• 27:01Griffin McElroy?

  We could do like an improv game and be like.

• 27:03Travis McElroy?

  Imagine the president of Squarespace is on the call with us, Travis, and try to. Okay, Justin, you be the president of Squarespace. Okay? Wait, hold on a second.

• 27:10Griffin McElroy?

  Who do I get to?

• 27:11Travis McElroy?

  You're my boss, Griffin. Any bit.

• 27:13Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, I'm your boss and he's the president of Squarespace?

• 27:16Travis McElroy?

  I'm his boss. So he's watching. No, the president of Squarespace is observing the call.

• 27:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but why is your, why is your boss there?

• 27:24Travis McElroy?

  You're my boss. We're doing a scene.

• 27:26Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 27:27Travis McElroy?

  The president of Squarespace is sitting in the audience, watching the scene, giving.

• 27:29Griffin McElroy?

  I get it, but my role feels like pretty tacked on, if I'm being honest. I don't know why you, your character needs a boss.

• 27:36Travis McElroy?

  Cause I'm coming in, we're doing a scene. Can we just see how it goes?

• 27:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm just having, I'm struggling because I thought that this is gonna-

• 27:42Travis McElroy?

  Boss, boss!

• 27:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, what is it, pal?

• 27:44Travis McElroy?

  We got too much product and how do we get it out there so people can see it and people can buy it? If only there was a way we could display it-

• 27:52Griffin McElroy?

  No, you're wrong, you're wrong. You're, you're, you fucked this so wild, like, Justin was saying, "You do the ad like the Squarespace guy is here." And then you were like, "Okay, Griffin's my bot." Yeah, but it has to be germane to what the ad was and what we-

• 28:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, because I'm saying, "How do we get our products and services out there?"

• 28:12Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, Travis- No, now you folded me into the content of the-

• 28:15Travis McElroy?

  You were you, you were you in the ad.

• 28:17Griffin McElroy?

  You were you. No, I wasn't. I don't have a boss.

• 28:19Travis McElroy?

  You were you!

• 28:20Griffin McElroy?

  That's what I'm saying. I don't need to be here. You don't have a boss. It's you, Travis.

• 28:24Travis McElroy?

  I'm the boss of Squarespace, okay?

• 28:26Griffin McElroy?

  Alright, let me set up-

• 28:26Travis McElroy?

  Just being me, it's not an improv game.

• 28:28Griffin McElroy?

  Let me set up the sketch, okay? Travis is doing a Squarespace ad.

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  Are you saying-

• 28:35Griffin McElroy?

  Can I get like a protection?

• 28:37Travis McElroy?

  If an improv actor says that their name is the same as their name, but they're pretending to do something they wouldn't normally do, that's not improv. I need something that someone would do at a party. Uh, what's something someone would do at a party?

• 28:46Griffin McElroy?

  Record a Squarespace ad! Fucking copy points.

• 28:50Travis McElroy?

  That's something I'd do at a fun party. Okay. Uh, "Hey, uh, fellow guests of this party, this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace this week. Uh, Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Uh, please use a coaster over there, thank you very much. Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments. Uh, I see you two over there. Let's save the PDA, okay? My mom could be home any minute. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Hey, leave that face alone, that was my grandma's."

• 29:23Griffin McElroy?

  Hey Trav, hey Trav, it's me.

• 29:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 29:25Griffin McElroy?

  Your boss. What the fuck are you doing, man?

• 29:29Travis McElroy?

  I'm at a party and I was doing, uh-

• 29:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but you're not at a party. You're sitting at your desk. You're sitting at your desk. You're at your desk and I'm watching.

• 29:36Travis McElroy?

  Trying to do like a one-man improv scene where I was at a party.

• 29:39Griffin McElroy?

  This isn't just, one of us said the word improv and it planted an evil RFK worm in your fucking gourd. And then you spun off, you spun out and away from the ship, and I want to get you back in the ship.

• 29:50Travis McElroy?

  Excuse me, Griffin, was it? Hi, Mark Spotify? Your brother was in the middle of the greatest ad read I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

• 30:00Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, why is it Mark Spotify?

• 30:01Travis McElroy?

  The idea that you would interrupt an artist.

• 30:03Griffin McElroy?

  You're the CEO of Squarespace, sitting in on the call. You had a role already. Why are you guys fucking this up so much? This is easy. This is a fucking grounder.

• 30:14Travis McElroy?

  His last name could be Spotify unrelated to his job.

• 30:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but it's not. It can't be.

• 30:20Travis McElroy?

  I have Spotify open in another tab and it... Why don't you have Spotify open in another tab while we're recording our podcast? Are you grooving to some tunes, dude? I don't play white noise and I hear you guys too good. So I gotta have some like...

• 30:34Griffin McElroy?

  Love that Spotify white noise. Jesus, man. Just finish reading.

• 30:39Travis McElroy?

  They also have cutting-edge designs. Squarespace offers a complete library of professionally-designed and award-winning website templates with options for every use and category, intuitive drag-and-drop editing, beautiful styling options, unrivaled visual design effects, no experience required. Head to Squarespace.com/mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER, all one word, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Aw, man, someone set fire to my mom's rug. Party's over.

• 31:10Griffin McElroy?

  Grounded. Hey, let's talk about Rocket Money. If you're ready to blast off.

• 31:15Travis McElroy?

  You do this one, Mr. Big Shits.

• 31:18Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely unhinged that you would come to me like that.

• 31:21Travis McElroy?

  You're busting into mine, giving me notes. You show me how it's done.

• 31:24Griffin McElroy?

  You asked for notes?

• 31:26Travis McElroy?

  Go on, King Turd.

• 31:26Griffin McElroy?

  You asked, you asked for improv? You said you're the boss? Justin, you okay?

• 31:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I just saw this energy, the pivot. Guys are just trying to make a podcast with my brothers. Finger shit mountain.

• 31:37Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Big Shits, and that's true. That's true about me. I'm King Big Shits.

• 31:42Travis McElroy?

  You've gotta change your name.

• 31:44Griffin McElroy?

  I can't.

• 31:45Travis McElroy?

  That's been his username since AOL Instant Messenger days, and you know it.

• 31:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's my first Xbox gamertag, and all my Halo guys thought it was so fucking funny.

• 31:54Travis McElroy?

  King Big Shits.

• 31:55Griffin McElroy?

  King Big Shits is here to tell you that it's time to get your finances organized, and it's time to prioritize what matters most, like financial wellness. Rocket Money helps you do exactly that. Look... I'm not gonna bullshit you. I-

• 32:10Travis McElroy?

  He's not King Bullshit.

• 32:12Griffin McElroy?

  No, I'm King Big Shits. And one of the ways that I take big shits is by subscribing to applications, usually because one of my kids asks me to, like, I'll, I promise I'll play, uh, Doodle Kitchen 9 for the rest of my life. Fifteen bucks a month sounds pretty good.

• 32:30Travis McElroy?

  Six.

• 32:31Griffin McElroy?

  Um, it did, but that, you can't stop my kids from, and anyway, I'll subscribe to shit and I'll forget, and then I'll be paying for it, and then Rocket Money will be like, did you remember about? It'll be like, I don't even remember what Doodle Shit 5 is, but I am apparently paying fifteen bucks a month for it. Rocket Money will like, help get me out of that situation. Cause it's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitor your spending, and help lower, lower your bills, so you can grow your savings. You guys know about this?

• 32:57Travis McElroy?

  We do, we do. I'm looking at my Rocket Money app right now. It's telling me some bills I got coming up. It's telling me some things I could cancel, some, the ways I've been spending money lately. It's kind of like an all-in-one place to manage your finances. And it makes me feel responsible for the first time in my life, like, I could be King Big Shits one day.

• 33:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. We are three of over five million users. Rocket Money's saved a total of five hundred million dollars in canceled subscriptions.

• 33:23Travis McElroy?

  Half of that was Justin's.

• 33:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Uh, saving members up to seven hundred forty dollars a year when using all the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash mybrother today. That's rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. Rocketmoney.com slash mybrother.

• 33:39Travis McElroy?

  And that's why he's King Big Shits, folks. That was amazing, Griffin.

• 33:42Griffin McElroy?

  I shit him right over the plate.

• 33:44Travis McElroy?

  I'm just really proud, Griffin.

• 33:45Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks, yeah. No, I did a good, I did a good job.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Who's ready for some science?

• 33:52Speaker 04

  With sources and nuance?

• 33:56Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 34:00Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  Well, let's learn everything we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too. From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins.

• 34:08Speaker 05

  From quantum physics to the history of swearing.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.

• 34:14Speaker 05

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  Caroline Roper. Dr. Ella Hubber.

• 34:18Speaker 05

  And Tom Lum.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  So join us next time, where we will learn about-

• 34:23Speaker 06

  Everything!

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Hey, are you playing a video game right now? Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG.

• 34:33Travis McElroy?

  Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.

• 34:38Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Jason Schreier.

• 34:39Travis McElroy?

  And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.

• 34:44Speaker 04

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.

• 34:47Griffin McElroy?

  Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.

• 34:54Griffin McElroy?

  And breaking news out of the video game industry.

• 34:57Travis McElroy?

  And we also talk about other stuff besides games.

• 35:00Griffin McElroy?

  So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click.

• 35:04Travis McElroy?

  Listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 35:10Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 35:11Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 35:12Travis McElroy?

  Dun, ne, ne, ne, ne.

• 35:14Griffin McElroy?

  Hey.

• 35:15Travis McElroy?

  And me, le, le, le, le, le, le, le, le, le, le, le, le. I want a munch squad. I want to munch squad.

• 35:28Travis McElroy?

  Welcome, munch squad. It's a podcast with them podcast profiling the latest greatest in brand eating.

• 35:34Griffin McElroy?

  God, I missed so much while I was at sea. I missed so much in the fast casual world. I'm so excited for the brief.

• 35:39Travis McElroy?

  That's why they call it fast, Gravent. Don't move slow. Taco Bell rolled out a new all cheese shell that was seen by so many people on TikTok. Judging by my mentions, I think everybody already saw it because I was tagged over 200 times in this Taco Bell video.

• 36:00Griffin McElroy?

  How's your brand doing, Justin?

• 36:03Travis McElroy?

  It's going just the way I want it to. So I'm not going to talk about that. You said all cheese shell, so it's just a big slab of fried cheese? It's, I listen, I just said, I'm not going to talk about it. Okay. So don't try to trick me. I hate it. I mean, you brought it up.

• 36:15Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. I missed it while I was at sea and I asked for the news and you were like, everyone knows the news. This is the Oscar talk all the fuck over again. I'm never leaving my.

• 36:22Travis McElroy?

  Adrian Brody spit a big wad of, uh, wad of cheese into his girlfriend's hand. Like a baby, like a toddler who had taken a bite of something they didn't want anymore.

• 36:31Griffin McElroy?

  He produces those in his dairy sack.

• 36:35Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, wait one second. I just gotta get the, there we go. What? Travis, can you read the top? Arby's Potato Cakes Pre-Class Action Lawsuit. Are you or a loved one? That's all you get. Oh.

• 36:48Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, you closed it.

• 36:49Travis McElroy?

  That's all you get, Travis.

• 36:50Griffin McElroy?

  Justin just screen shared something and then closed it real fast like he was.

• 36:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Arby's has announced the return of the fifth favorite potato cakes that menus nationwide, and they will sue themselves if they go off the menu. What?

• 37:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, yes.

• 37:05Griffin McElroy?

  It's like, so Arby's, it's like Arby's establishing, uh, like, a, uh, a partner to make sure that they don't, like, look at pornography or something.

• 37:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, an accountability partner, yeah. Yes, uh, that, right now, uh, uh, Arby's is doing the thing in the werewolf movie when they're like, if I get out of this cage, shoot me with this gun.

• 37:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:27Travis McElroy?

  Cause I, I will kill everyone you know. Uh, Arby's says, okay, the iconic, golden, perfectly seasoned Arby's potato cakes are officially back on the menu. Now, if you don't know what these are, because you've never been to Arby's, they're, they're hash browns, they're a little triangular hash browns, and you could get them instead of fries, uh, uh, at Arby's, and you haven't been able to, and now they're back. Um, potato cakes recently made a comeback, only to disappear again, leaving customers on an emotional roller coaster. That's why this time, the return of potato cakes is backed by the creation of a pre-class action lawsuit. Justin Tyler, why are they writing this like they disappeared and they don't know

• 38:12Travis McElroy?

  how or why?

• 38:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we went one day into the big vat where we keep them, all the dang things were just gone.

• 38:18Griffin McElroy?

  We boned you guys, that's it. We boned.

• 38:20Travis McElroy?

  It's weird when you think about, oh, it must have been supply chain issues for potatoes? For potatoes?

• 38:25Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm, I hope not.

• 38:26Travis McElroy?

  It seems like we got those coming out our, if you'll forgive it, ears. Uh, that's corn. I know, that's why it's a thinker.

• 38:34Griffin McElroy?

  That's why I asked for forgiveness, it doesn't make any sense.

• 38:36Travis McElroy?

  Uh, after potato cakes returned briefly to the Arby's menu in, in 2024, uh, July, there was an outpouring of excitement for fans who made it clear this menu item is a must have. But then guests were disappointed when their favorite snack disappeared. When? Because July wasn't that long ago, you guys. They were very disappointed, Travis. It says right here, they don't have the data, but anecdotally, guests were super, super distressed. Arby's heard them loud and clear, and now the fan favorite potato cakes are here to stay. Okay. Arby's is back in that promise with some serious protection. What this press release presupposes is that while these fans loved these potato cakes,

• 39:18Travis McElroy?

  now that they've had them taken away from them once, they would be too scared to indulge in them again now that they're back. I don't want to trust. That they'll be taken away again, that there will be Charlie Brown and Lucy holding a potato cake, and she's saying, "Kick the potato cake" or whatever. And so, Arby's is saying, "Don't be scared, potato cake fans. We are legally obligating ourselves to make money off of you by selling these potato cakes to you." Yeah, so here's the deal. Arby's fans can now sign up, or ostensibly anyone. Arby's fans can now sign up to be part of a pre-class action lawsuit. If potato cakes are removed from the menu before December 31st, 2026,

• 40:01Travis McElroy?

  Arby's will pay out $1 million worth of Arby's food to be split amongst the signees. No menu item returned has ever been this ironclad, and since Arby's isn't planning to remove potato cakes from the menu ever again, those that sign up to be part of the pre-class action lawsuit can also redeem a DoorDash code, receive free delivery, and two-piece potato cakes from February 27th to a time that has passed. Apologies. Um, so do they, did they put out a press release alongside this that says, "Arby's pleased to announce that potato cakes will be taken off the menu, Jan 1, 2027, guaranteed. No one wants this particular potato shape. We had this one potato shape going for a while that people were crazy about.

• 40:47Travis McElroy?

  Real tiny, slender, ketchup-dippable guys. Um, so we are going to get these bad boys off of here just as soon as it is financially and legally convenient for us. Here's what you do, folks. Everybody. Everybody sign this this thing and then nobody buy the potato cakes.

• 41:04Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, force them to take it off.

• 41:05Travis McElroy?

  But they'll need to have them on hand in case somebody does, right?

• 41:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:09Travis McElroy?

  And then the day that you walk in and you say, can I have some potato cakes? And they say, we don't have any. You say, gotcha. And you serve them and you say, I know I came to Arby's, but you've been served. And then you'll probably get like a dollar 25 out of it.

• 41:23Griffin McElroy?

  Real talk. Well, I think it'll be more than that. This is what I want to say. Knowing what I know about how many people participate in these fast food promotions, which is to say next to none, I think if you got in here and you won this particular gamble, you're going to be walking away with at least eight, 900 bucks worth of Arby's food.

• 41:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you're going to be feeling pretty good.

• 41:44Griffin McElroy?

  And that's enough to, no, you're not going to be feeling pretty good. You're going to eat eight to 900 dollars worth of Arby's food. And you're going to build a little house on the to- on top of the toilet. Where you live.

• 41:58Travis McElroy?

  Sort of improvised shelter.

• 42:00Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh. It keeps, it keeps you and the things you do in and it keeps the outside world out. That's your shell of shame.

• 42:07Travis McElroy?

  Uh, we are, we know our guests are passionate about our potato cakes. And we want to honor that loyalty by keeping them on the menu permanently. Says Jeff Baker, the CMO at Arby's. We're excited to finally announce their return and prove to all our guests that we listened to their pleas on social media. And we aren't going to let Arby's get away with removing potato cakes from the menu ever again. And we aren't going to let. Yeah, he says, we aren't going to let, I didn't misread it. We aren't going to let Arby's get away with removing potato cakes from the menu ever again. We've always been at war with Eurasia and we're never taking away your potato cakes, America.

• 42:43Griffin McElroy?

  Smee, Smee, stop me. Smee, stop me, Smee. Stop me, damn it, Smee.

• 42:48Travis McElroy?

  I'm giving them the potato cakes against me.

• 42:52Travis McElroy?

  So Arby's has a number that I can call here to get more information.

• 42:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 42:57Travis McElroy?

  So I am, I am, I mean, it has to be a recording, right? That's a big gamble. I know. 833-529.

• 43:07Griffin McElroy?

  Don't talk, sorry.

• 43:09Travis McElroy?

  833-529. It's 833-Lossbud. I don't think they're too worried about it. Lossbud? Not L-O-S-S-B-U-D, though. I'm your loss bud. Don't talk. Hello, and thank you for calling the Arby's Potato Cakes Pre-Class Action Lawsuit Hotline. Potato cakes are back at Arby's. Arby's is seriously not so seriously preparing a pre-class action lawsuit against Arby's in the event that Arby's removes potato cakes from the Arby's menu in the future. Arby's won't let Arby's get away with it.

• 43:40Griffin McElroy?

  Please join to ensure you receive any possible future settlement should potato cakes be removed from the Arby's menu. Please visit Arby'sPotatoCakesLawsuit.com. Thank you. Goodbye. Sorry, but the user's mailbox can't accept more messages.

• 43:56Travis McElroy?

  I really committed to the bit, huh?

• 43:58Griffin McElroy?

  I, yeah, they sure, they sure, that's a good use of a phone number.

• 44:02Travis McElroy?

  I mean, we're not doing anything else with phone numbers. We might as well let, they might as well call Arby's.

• 44:07Griffin McElroy?

  There's only 999,999,999 phone numbers. And so that's one, that's one way to use it.

• 44:16Travis McElroy?

  Okay, there's, there's, um, there's literally a part of this where it says.

• 44:22Griffin McElroy?

  Are you signing up?

• 44:23Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 44:23Griffin McElroy?

  Are you gonna get your money?

• 44:24Travis McElroy?

  I'm reading this pre-class action lawsuit. Absolutely signing up. Are you kidding me? And it says, "Arby's may, in its sole discretion and at any time, discontinue this site or any part thereof with or without notice, or may prevent your use of this site with or without notice to you. You agree that you do not have any rights in this site and that Arby's will have no liability to you if this site is discontinued or your ability to access the site or any content you may have posted on the site is terminated."

• 44:52Griffin McElroy?

  You know that whoever came up with this campaign got a letter from the Arby's lawyers and they were like, "Ah, god damn it. They're not gonna let us have it. They're gonna break cable." Fade pretty quickly. I think if you just read at the bottom of the thing. Like they'll let us make jokes and have fun at the top, but they are going to make absolutely certain that this actual stakes of this situation could not be clear to the end.

• 45:13Travis McElroy?

  I guarantee, I guarantee what the marketing team showed up with was we will shut down Arby's. So the promise is we close Arby's for good. And give everybody all our money if we stop selling potato cakes.

• 45:25Griffin McElroy?

  And then lawyers, the lawyers are like, would you settle for a million dollars of Arby's food? If you cancel it before December, December 31st, 2026? You can still say permanently because these fucking numbskulls are definitely, definitely not going to figure this out. But is that okay? Is that a good compromise? Also, it's all fake and we're going to tell them that it's all.

• 45:45Travis McElroy?

  The rest of this stuff listed here is all written in like jokey like it literally says underneath that we're pretty sure Arby's is trademark.

• 45:52Griffin McElroy?

  But you can't, you can't fucking walk it back. We know your heart.

• 45:57Travis McElroy?

  That one section's like, by the way, uh, here's some ironclad stuff. Okay. Well, back to the jokes.

• 46:04Griffin McElroy?

  I love this. I love this. I don't love the potato cakes. It's they, they really think.

• 46:10Travis McElroy?

  Not? I did want to check in. Yeah, I call this section a reality check. Yeah. Do you not like potato cakes?

• 46:15Griffin McElroy?

  I love potato cakes. I'm saying I don't trust Arby's to evenly fry that big a piece of potato. It's a, it's a, it's a, that's a real temperature game at that point when you're trying to fry a big like, you know, blob of potato instead of just a french fry. A french fry is like not much potato. So you can fry that pretty evenly, pretty good, but this is.

• 46:38Travis McElroy?

  Run me through Griffin, just real quick, all the other different types of potato, the forms they come in and how easily they are to fry.

• 46:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Uh, number one, baked potato. Can't really fry one of those.

• 46:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 46:48Griffin McElroy?

  So big, so much potato in there. A hash brown, these are a little thicker than a hash brown, right? A latke I think is somewhat user friendly. A lot of people probably wouldn't think that, but they're really flat. A hash brown, you get a little bit thicker. These potato cakes are, that's a good one and a half, two inches.

• 47:05Travis McElroy?

  What about a tot?

• 47:07Griffin McElroy?

  A tot, uh, harder than a fry. Cause it has a, it is more three dimensional and it has uh, like a volume to it that is more difficult to.

• 47:16Travis McElroy?

  What about a man sized potato?

• 47:19Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, sure, you.

• 47:21Travis McElroy?

  And shaped and man shaped and same consistency.

• 47:24Griffin McElroy?

  No, so you heard me say the thing that.

• 47:26Travis McElroy?

  A man? Yeah, like if a potato looked like a man. A potato with the consistency of a man? Of a man and maybe like, uh, like just like a man would have saying like, no, no, please don't do this. I'll pay you the money I owe you. I promise. A sentient potato man? A Mr. Potato Body, you're saying?

• 47:42Griffin McElroy?

  Um, yeah. So, I mean, you heard me say that baked potato is hard to fry. So I don't know why you think a man shaped.

• 47:47Travis McElroy?

  How long do you think it would take before that man shaped, man sized, man consistency, man begging potato?

• 47:56Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, you trying to fry a man?

• 47:57Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 47:58Griffin McElroy?

  You trying to fry a man?

• 47:59Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 48:00Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, are you over there frying men, dude?

• 48:03Travis McElroy?

  No, man. Why? What?

• 48:05Griffin McElroy?

  Juice, I think Travis is over there frying men.

• 48:08Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Trav. Yeah. Can you not be the reason that our empire crumbles, please? I'm just saying that there's.

• 48:14Griffin McElroy?

  It'll be so. People will see the headlines at the top of the paper and I'll be like, one of the McRoy brothers. And they'll be like, fuck, yeah, I knew it. And then it'll say fries men. And they'll be like, oh, that's what? That's the thing? That's the thing that that's wild.

• 48:31Travis McElroy?

  I, I think, and I'm not saying I do it, but I think you'd only have to fry one man before you get the message across and everybody pays up. Uh, I'd like to ask another question. We have a few more minutes.

• 48:44Griffin McElroy?

  Can I borrow some money? By the way, Travis, do you have? Can I? I need like 10,000 bucks.

• 48:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I do have. I had the Arby's lawyer draw up some paperwork you need to sign.

• 48:51Griffin McElroy?

  You're joking.

• 48:52Travis McElroy?

  There's a lot of jokes that.

• 48:53Griffin McElroy?

  Never mind. It's a joke.

• 48:53Travis McElroy?

  There is a, there is a world in which eight people sign up for this and you find yourself, Arby's just randomly stopped selling them because apparently nobody gave a shit. And you end up as the proud recipient of like a hundred thousand dollars of Arby's gift cards.

• 49:05Griffin McElroy?

  That's so sick. That's what I'm saying.

• 49:07Travis McElroy?

  It's a pretty good scam. I'd sign up for it or don't. It's up to you. Uh, here's, here's a, a, a quick question before we go. I was recently taking part in an icebreaker slash get to know each other type game where we had to say something interesting about ourselves. My go-to fact was that I was on reality TV wilderness survival show survived this season two. When I was 13 or 14 and I spent two months of the wild with little to no. No training or experience and made it all the way to the end of the series. I'm happy to answer a few questions for a minute or so, but don't know how to shift away from the topic nicely. How do I get people to move away from the topic without sounding bitter or rude? As fellow TV personalities, I was hoping you might have some insight. How absolutely generous of you. Proud but low key between Petersburg and Lindsay, Ontario.

• 49:53Griffin McElroy?

  Specious premise. Uh, I will say you are laying out a savory little morsel here. And it's too savory and you know that it's too savory. So you can't be like, so how do I get people to not nibble at it? It's the, you put out the, you need them up, you need a conversation stopper for one of these games.

• 50:14Travis McElroy?

  Because I agree with Griffin. The problem is you are using this as an ice breaker, which is literally a thing designed to start a conversation.

• 50:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:23Travis McElroy?

  Right. This is again, and then you're like, oh no.

• 50:25Griffin McElroy?

  Oh no.

• 50:25Travis McElroy?

  I broke the ice and now they want to go through the ice. You have been asked to break the ice and you have instead created an iceberg. That people are like, well, this is interesting. I wonder what's below this. Oh, go, I'd like to see a little bit more. And that's good, I think, but you can't be upset about that. That seems like you're, it's working as intended. It's a pretty good story.

• 50:47Griffin McElroy?

  But there's a ton of shit you could say that I'm not going to want to know anything about. For example, hi everybody, I'm Griffin McRoy. My interesting fact is that I ran my first marathon this past spring. No one's going to ask you a fucking, what's the question? So did you run real fast? Like, there's no follow up that you could possibly generate out of that.

• 51:08Travis McElroy?

  That's true. You can get all the benefits of running a marathon almost without running it. If you just tell people you did. So what you're. Get the sticker 26.2.

• 51:16Griffin McElroy?

  Got it. Whatever.

• 51:17Travis McElroy?

  What you are theorizing, Griffin, is some side of ice former.

• 51:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:21Travis McElroy?

  Right? That's like, I want to actually build up the ice between you and I. Or maybe we can see if it's clear.

• 51:28Griffin McElroy?

  Drop that ice line, make a wall of ice. I mean, it's fucked up that my work. Mandates me distributing my social currency away for free without asking me if I'm comfortable with it. Hey Griffin, make friends. You can't make me do that because you're not my mom, my mommy or my daddy. Like you're my boss and this is a business. Here's what I have to do for you, the boss. Type in numbers on the computer and that's it. I don't have to make friends. I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to participate in capitalism to the degree that systems have allowed me to. That's it.

• 52:06Travis McElroy?

  That's it. That's all you have to do. That's all you gotta lay out.

• 52:09Griffin McElroy?

  I have a rash. Hi, everybody. I'm Griffin McRoy and I have a bad rash down there.

• 52:13Travis McElroy?

  It's tough. It's tough. That's a good anecdote. And you said in here, we're fellow TV personalities, but I could never bring up my brother, my brother and me as an icebreaker in a TV show as an icebreaker because I don't think it's possible for me to simultaneously tell someone that we made a TV show and then at the same time express them how far it was from the TV shows that they may be thinking of in their day to day life. Like it's like I did a TV show and then I need to stop them before they like my daughter Cooper is seven. If she's telling us a story, she says like, don't say anything until I'm done. Don't react. I'll say woo. Don't say anything until the story's over. And I feel like that with the TV show. It's like, I did a TV show. Whoa.

• 52:58Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, stop. You need to listen.

• 53:00Travis McElroy?

  Not like Becker. And everybody asks if I mean like Becker. No, not like Becker. No. No, I'm saying it was a TV show and there were six of them.

• 53:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:10Travis McElroy?

  And it shut the network down and we made it for a million dollars at our house with our best buddy JD. But it was a TV show.

• 53:17Griffin McElroy?

  It was.

• 53:18Travis McElroy?

  Technically speaking. You can't get it for free. It's but it's more on the scale towards some kids cut the front out of a cardboard box. Right. And maybe acted out some skits inside. Yeah. Except ours was locked into a tape and you can watch it online. Exactly. Someone somewhere may be making money off of it in some way. I don't know.

• 53:38Griffin McElroy?

  There's so much about what we do that is like the wrongest possible answer for this question. Of like, I don't want to, I don't want to admit, sounds bad. I'm not ashamed of the work that we do, but I certainly don't want to talk about it at length with a bunch of strangers. And perhaps that is why we are fame wise, sort of day walkers. When I was on the Joko Cruise last week, people said like, you probably get this all the time. I hate to bother you.

• 54:03Griffin McElroy?

  No, I don't. I wicked don't. I'm, I run it pretty good stealth mode out there, actually. I can creep and crawl with the rest of them. It's really only in venues like this or immediately after one of our live shows that we get recognized. Because we don't want to talk about our TV show unless.

• 54:20Travis McElroy?

  But we do want to tell you about some live shows we have coming.

• 54:23Griffin McElroy?

  That's where we shine.

• 54:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's where you gotta check us out.

• 54:27Griffin McElroy?

  Celluloid.

• 54:27Travis McElroy?

  We've got more live shows coming up in the 20th under drive tour. We're coming to Richmond, Virginia, doing my brother, my brother and me, Charlotte, North Carolina, doing Taz and Raleigh, North Carolina. Another my brother, my brother and me in April. We're also going to be in Michigan, Minnesota and Ohio. All Taz shows this year are going to be Taz versus, we just did.

• 54:49Griffin McElroy?

  The first, the first one of which I believe is either coming out this week or just came out. Yeah, it's Taz versus Romeo and versus Juliet, and it was a hell of a lot of fun.

• 54:57Travis McElroy?

  Tickets for all of those are on sale now. Go to bit.ly/macaroytours for more info and ticket links. Oh, also, I'm very exciting. I'm coming back to 20 sided tavern, making my off Broadway review, I'm gonna say. This weekend on March 13th through the 16th, doing, I don't know, five performances, I think it is. Who can keep track? But you can find out when I'm going to be there. Get your tickets 20 sided tavern.com. Come see me in a live action, you know, D and D comedy thing, 20 sided tavern.com this weekend.

• 55:37Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, there's a new hoodie up on macrowaymerch.com and it's one of my favorites that we've probably ever put up. It is the Vasecticon hoodie, designed by Evan Palmer. It has sort of like, old school, like SNS box art vibes. It's amazing. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony House, which is an incredible organization from our hometown of Huntington that we are happy to partner up with like this. Also, next week, Max Fun Drive starts. Frame, frame. Raise your asses. We've got so much content ready for you. You're gonna fucking flip your shit. You're gonna have live streams and other events going on every day of the

• 56:18Griffin McElroy?

  drive. Runs for two weeks. So turn on notifications for our Instagram stories. Stay up to date when we're going live, because we're doing a And break off the knob. Break off the freaking knob. Break off the knob, coward. So yeah. And hey, thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." For sure. We really do appreciate you letting us use that one. So like, thanks. Thank you. Thanks. A huge amount.

• 56:41Travis McElroy?

  Hey, I got a fear here that someone's gonna be faster than. I'd like to read it to you.

• 56:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:46Travis McElroy?

  Ahem. This year, I'm gonna be faster than my fear of Chinese giant salamanders possibly being around me. I don't live in China, and they are critically endangered. It's just unlikely.

• 56:58Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe it's Justin McRae.

• 56:59Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis.

• 57:00Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa, these guys are fucking huge!

• 57:02Travis McElroy?

  They're so big.

• 57:03Griffin McElroy?

  This is Griffin McRey.

• 57:04Travis McElroy?

  I was gonna say, my brother, my brother, may kiss your dad square on the lips. I hope one's not near me.

• 57:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yep.

• 57:41Speaker 01

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.