MBMBaM 754: Dinglebuff Hufferbuff

Come spend a whole hour alone with us and our many birds. They've started getting rather creative with cuss words and talk about how they bedangled their weewoo. We're not sure what it means, either. Suggested talking points: One Very Motivated Marmoset, Vanilla to the Poor, Death to the Rich, The Sapphire Pimpernel, Jim Inside, Sad Dad Charcuterie Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has got some, it's rapping into a precious friendship.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:10Griffin McElroy?

  Guys, before we get started, can we just take a quick little victory lap and really pat ourselves on the back? This is the show, by the way.

• 1:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, this is the show?

• 1:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Can we give ourselves a freaking pat on the back for our genius plan to make Buku bucks in the Max Fun Drive this year? The whole act, we, oh, it was so hard to come up with the year theme. Oh, we gotta do it twice. We did all that shit that we fully fucking made up and acted out on the spot so that we, so we could generate a year theme that kinda sounds like Max Fun Drive?

• 1:45Travis McElroy?

  Max Fun Drive.

• 1:47Griffin McElroy?

  Fun, and everyone's been saying it all year, like 20 Thunder Drive. They've been saying, "The Un-Drive." Like, we got that fucking seed in their heads and they didn't even realize it.

• 1:57Travis McElroy?

  Griffin?

• 1:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:58Travis McElroy?

  Look at the light.

• 1:59Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no, we're live.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  No, shit. Rachel, please, no.

• 2:05Travis McElroy?

  Promise me, don't leave any of that in, Rachel.

• 2:08Griffin McElroy?

  I didn't see the red flashing light because I have Andromeda strain and it made me go to sleep.

• 2:13Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 2:14Griffin McElroy?

  Farts. Shoot.

• 2:15Travis McElroy?

  Your Andromeda strain acts up at the worst times.

• 2:18Griffin McElroy?

  Just go ahead and start, just do the show. Just forget it.

• 2:22Travis McElroy?

  Rachel, cut.

• 2:23Griffin McElroy?

  Cut it all of it.

• 2:26Travis McElroy?

  Hello, my brother, my brother. No, no, no, no, we need to comment better than that.

• 2:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, take a deep breath, maybe it's.

• 2:33Travis McElroy?

  Hello.

• 2:35Travis McElroy?

  No, no, you got the.

• 2:37Griffin McElroy?

  Let's just skip that, we'll skip this part.

• 2:39Travis McElroy?

  Cut all that.

• 2:39Griffin McElroy?

  Cut all that.

• 2:40Travis McElroy?

  And we'll just drop in the pre canned shit.

• 2:43Griffin McElroy?

  Like, you know how we have like a hundred pre canned?

• 2:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we sat down.

• 2:47Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, that mic really sent me, guys. If this, if that ever got out, how manipulative.

• 2:52Griffin McElroy?

  Attack on strain.

• 2:54Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:54Griffin McElroy?

  Anyway, welcome to Max Fun Drive.

• 2:56Travis McElroy?

  Hello, my brother, my brother, me.

• 2:58Griffin McElroy?

  No. Yeah, I'm telling you, man, the pre canned shit is aces. We worked real, we worked our taints off on that stuff, so don't even sweat it.

• 3:06Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Wait, oh, I'll start it.

• 3:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, welcome, my brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 3:18Travis McElroy?

  What up, Trav Nation? Vroom, vroom, it's me, your middlest brother, Travis, big dog, Wolf Wolf McElroy.

• 3:24Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know why we're doing that. We got this in the can, but it's Griffin. We got this one in the can already.

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  Well, we have to put it in the can to have it in the can.

• 3:31Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, yeah, first we gotta open the can, we gotta put it in, make sure it's sanitary, cause otherwise.

• 3:36Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, boil that can.

• 3:38Griffin McElroy?

  Boil, boil it. It's the freaking Max Fun Drive, we should put in the most work. We should be, we should be doing jumping jacks.

• 3:44Travis McElroy?

  That's what they don't talk about, having it in the can is a lot of fucking work, guys.

• 3:48Griffin McElroy?

  Someone's gotta put it in the fucking can, guys.

• 3:51Travis McElroy?

  How many of you out there listening have ever canned before?

• 3:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a lot.

• 3:56Travis McElroy?

  That's what I thought.

• 3:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. Oh, wait, every, it's all of them. I'm looking at our demographics, Travis, everyone here has done canning. Wow.

• 4:04Travis McElroy?

  I, I have.

• 4:05Griffin McElroy?

  Amazing. Yeah, no, it's, we don't.

• 4:08Travis McElroy?

  It seems like too much work.

• 4:09Griffin McElroy?

  It is too much work.

• 4:10Travis McElroy?

  I would think our audience self selects for a lot of canners. I feel like.

• 4:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:14Travis McElroy?

  A lot of doomsday preppers.

• 4:16Travis McElroy?

  No, like our team's some canners, you know what I mean? Like, anyway.

• 4:20Griffin McElroy?

  It's for the aesthetic.

• 4:21Travis McElroy?

  Starts that way.

• 4:22Griffin McElroy?

  It's the aesthetic and it's the whimsy, it's not out of necessity.

• 4:26Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 4:26Travis McElroy?

  They put those coiled up springs in plastic sheaths that pop out.

• 4:31Griffin McElroy?

  I can see.

• 4:31Travis McElroy?

  And it's like, whoa, I thought this was canned tomatoes. Can you imagine being in a post apocalyptic scenario and you're so excited because you found a pristine can of like beans or tomatoes or whatever, you open it up and like those coiled spring snakes pop out?

• 4:44Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shit.

• 4:44Travis McElroy?

  Hilarious, man.

• 4:46Griffin McElroy?

  That's really funny. Hey, so it is the Max Fun Drive. If we don't start talking about the Max Fun Drive, I'm gonna have an actual panic attack.

• 4:52Travis McElroy?

  I've been looking for the, the link to click on the thing. So I'm just gonna freestyle it right now. What is the Max Fun Drive? Okay, we're part of a podcast.

• 4:59Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, you're really freestyling. If you're abstracting it out that far, man, you are freestyling way, way out.

• 5:04Travis McElroy?

  Podcast Network. And the way it works is it's like a pledge model, right? Once a year, we come to everybody listens is like, hey, if you like this, can we have a few dollars every month? If you like it and you can give us a few dollars every month to help us make it and help us pay people to help us make it and make all this stuff all the time to help more good stuff be on earth. Yeah, that's great. We would really appreciate it because we like making good stuff. And when you support us, we're able to make this our full-time job and make lots of good stuff for you. And, and hire people to help us make weirder stuff. And it's all thanks to your support.

• 5:42Griffin McElroy?

  Genuinely, this show would not, it's wild that this show has been running for 15 years next month.

• 5:48Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 5:48Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, largely uninterrupted. Uh, that doesn't happen really, even in the world of all comedy, independent podcasting space. But it's because of y'all and the support that y'all give us. I don't know if you noticed podcast advertising market, it's not the best it's ever been. There's really just a few road dogs we roll with these days. A tight crew here on my Bim Bam and our livelihood.

• 6:11Travis McElroy?

  I'd argue we're flapping off the back of their motorcycle, holding on for dear life.

• 6:16Griffin McElroy?

  Very much so. And our livelihood and ability to support our families cannot exist solely if one of us doesn't say something wrong during an advertisement. That's too high risk. We will drop that fucking ball in a second. It's because of y'all that we are able to do this.

• 6:33Travis McElroy?

  Now, we are, we do have something to offer you. We're not coming to you completely hat in hand. We have some, some very nice thank you.

• 6:40Griffin McElroy?

  Is it our respect, our appreciation?

• 6:43Travis McElroy?

  Well, you do get that, but if you can offer $5 a month, you're going to get an absolute wealth of bonus content. I mean, it is an archive at this point. I think it, the Justin T. McRoe Memorial Archive of Bonus Content.

• 6:58Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, man. Wow. This is how I find out?

• 7:00Travis McElroy?

  Days and days of videos and podcasts. This year, we recorded a Hot Ones audition.

• 7:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. No, listen, we love y'all and the support that you give us is the reason we do the show. If we get on fucking hot ones. Yeah.

• 7:16Travis McElroy?

  Not a lot of people have the guts to put their auditions behind a paywall. But here we go. That's the kind of heat we are bringing.

• 7:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah. And we've, and if you're wondering, we do fucking die. Yeah. It's brutal. It's brutal. Terrible things to our bodies.

• 7:34Travis McElroy?

  While interviewing each other.

• 7:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, about increasingly sensitive, weird topics. It's must see podcast TV. Yeah. And, and, but also if you can do 10 bucks a month, pens are back. We got some beautiful show specific pens. There's a Travis Nation with that I think you're just gonna love if you're a fan of our stuff. It, it, the address to go to, if you want to support the show, maximumfun.org forward slash join. Please become a member today. It really is the only way we're able to do this show. And I know that like you've, you've been relying on, on this show being here for like 13 years, whatever. And we love making it for you. Almost 15.

• 8:14Travis McElroy?

  And we have. Old enough to get its learner's permit, which is very fitting.

• 8:18Travis McElroy?

  Yes. I know that these 14 years, we've meant a lot to each other and this show means a lot to you. And I'm just saying it'd be a shame if something happened to it. So wait, what's that? I'm just saying, uh, it's a real nice podcast you got here.

• 8:31Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Justin.

• 8:33Travis McElroy?

  I'm sure you really love listening to it and it's been around a long time, man. It's a real staple of the podcast community and it'd be a shame if something happened to it.

• 8:43Travis McElroy?

  Jamie, just a quick.

• 8:45Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, the Jamie's gone. It's me, the Penguin. Listen. Okay Penguin. You've been listening to the McRoy brothers, right? You thought you weren't gonna pay the door, but these are my boys. Yeah.

• 8:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:56Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna, you're gonna pay my boys for what they're, what they're owed. You're making a fool out of me? Penguin. The Penguin.

• 9:03Travis McElroy?

  Penguin, can I give you a quick note?

• 9:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I have one too Penguin.

• 9:07Travis McElroy?

  Normally in, I'm Travis, in the protection racket. People don't normally, in a business they own.

• 9:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Travis McElroy?

  Threaten their customers.

• 9:17Travis McElroy?

  Their own biz, yeah. Hey, you see this umbrella?

• 9:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:21Travis McElroy?

  You see it?

• 9:22Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit, there's bullets.

• 9:23Travis McElroy?

  You got up on the wall?

• 9:24Griffin McElroy?

  God dang, there's bullets in there, man.

• 9:26Travis McElroy?

  They're trav-.

• 9:27Travis McElroy?

  That's your vase.

• 9:28Travis McElroy?

  Crash, crash, crash!

• 9:29Travis McElroy?

  But it's your vase.

• 9:30Griffin McElroy?

  But it's your vase.

• 9:31Travis McElroy?

  You smashed your own vase.

• 9:32Travis McElroy?

  Penguin, it's me. I work protect- that's Justin's vase.

• 9:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. It's me, Penguin, your ward and consigliere, Puffin, and I, I want you to know that that's-

• 9:41Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Puffin, you're late for work. I wanna teach you the ropes.

• 9:44Travis McElroy?

  Where are you going, Penguin?

• 9:46Griffin McElroy?

  This laundromat, basically, that we own, we own, we own-

• 9:50Travis McElroy?

  It's a podcasting studio slash laundromat, please. If you don't take it seriously, yes, we let him record it on laundromat.

• 9:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. The vase costs $3,000 from you!

• 10:02Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, well.

• 10:04Griffin McElroy?

  Are you okay?

• 10:04Travis McElroy?

  Penguin, don't pout.

• 10:05Griffin McElroy?

  Don't get fucking fussy, Penguin.

• 10:07Travis McElroy?

  Don't listen.

• 10:08Travis McElroy?

  Have you had breakfast? You know how you get.

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  I gave you to threaten the listeners not to pout about not having my McMuffin.

• 10:17Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, well, here's a sardine-

• 10:18Travis McElroy?

  But I didn't have my McMuffin!

• 10:20Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. That's what he calls profit. She calls sardines as McMuffins.

• 10:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:24Griffin McElroy?

  Please help us-

• 10:25Travis McElroy?

  He likes a McMuffin Ron Wrigley.

• 10:27Griffin McElroy?

  Maximumfun.org/join. Please, we're doing this for two weeks. If you're already a member, you can boost your support, help us hit our goals. We got a bunch of wild stretch goals. We'll talk about that a little bit later. And also, we're gonna be streaming like every day for the next two weeks. So, we'll talk all that later on, but for now, we're gonna give you a-

• 10:45Travis McElroy?

  Let's help. Let's give him, let's give him a taste.

• 10:47Travis McElroy?

  I was thinking, since it's the Max Fun Drive, that we could maybe-

• 10:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I love that momentum building Travis-

• 10:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we could elevate the quality of the content we make, maybe, um, get a little highbrow, maybe a little classy.

• 11:02Griffin McElroy?

  Do you know that you have a tone of voice, you say, when you're about to rip a big fart, uh-

• 11:06Travis McElroy?

  Well, it's funny you should say that, Griffin, because it's time for work of fart!

• 11:09Travis McElroy?

  Okay, but there's no theme song, so, it, your voice goes like, "Ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba ba."

• 11:16Griffin McElroy?

  It's like a curved, you have, you have like a portamento to your voice when you're about to really take rip shits.

• 11:23Travis McElroy?

  A lot of people don't realize that, once you work with your brothers for long enough, you can just start to dislike each other on a molecular level.

• 11:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:30Travis McElroy?

  You can really start to dismantle individual, it's not even words or ways people act, it's individual inflection.

• 11:36Griffin McElroy?

  I, I have.

• 11:36Travis McElroy?

  Fine hostile.

• 11:37Griffin McElroy?

  I, I have this framed piece of art, uh, in my room and it's the, it's three voice tracks, waveforms of our voices. And sometimes I'll look at two of those and just be like, god dang, these, these frickin' guys, man.

• 11:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Griffin McElroy?

  But go ahead, Travis, and I, I'm not gonna grouse, I beat ass at this game.

• 11:55Travis McElroy?

  In this Jane Austen novel, while the sweet sister Jane falls in love with the anthropomorphic penis named Mr. Bingley, the witty and oftentimes difficult sister Elizabeth Quarles slash falls in love with the anthropomorphic penis named Mr. Darcy.

• 12:11Griffin McElroy?

  And this has dick or something in the title?

• 12:13Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold on.

• 12:16Griffin McElroy?

  It's a dick or fart or ass.

• 12:17Travis McElroy?

  We all know the, the, we all, the easy part of this is the book. We all know that.

• 12:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 12:25Travis McElroy?

  Mr. Darcy.

• 12:26Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 12:26Travis McElroy?

  Mr. Bingley, Jane.

• 12:28Travis McElroy?

  Of course, yes.

• 12:29Travis McElroy?

  Jane Austen wrote it.

• 12:30Travis McElroy?

  I think we all know the book. So let's figure out the pun from there, Griff. Griff, I see you Googling.

• 12:36Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, I accidentally deleted an image out of one of our documents here. I didn't mean to do that. It was an image of someone's face and it looked like I was saying, no, not them, they can't be.

• 12:45Travis McElroy?

  Sensei, sense and sensibility is one of the options that is available. That maybe we're all maybe right.

• 12:53Griffin McElroy?

  I think this one's Pride and Prejudice.

• 12:54Travis McElroy?

  This one might be Pride and Prejudice.

• 12:58Griffin McElroy?

  It's not Little Women.

• 12:59Travis McElroy?

  And there's two anthropomorphic penises listed in the description.

• 13:04Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, Pride and Prejudice.

• 13:07Travis McElroy?

  I'll, I'll accept that. It's pride and prejudice, but I will accept prejudiced dicks. That's close enough. Very good.

• 13:12Griffin McElroy?

  Prejudiced dicks. It sounds like, and you know what? A more reasonable man would have just said prejudiced, but I was trying to climb into the recesses and folds of your dark, dirty, bad mind.

• 13:23Travis McElroy?

  Okay. If you get a cut back there, you will definitely get super tetanus. So please, please be careful. This Gabrielle Garcia Marquez novel chronicles the multi-generational saga of the Buendia, Buendia family in the fictional town of Macondo, where the patriarch, Jose Accardio Buendia, establishes a secluded, almost utopian community based on the consumption of lots of fiber and the importance of healthy bowel movements.

• 13:49Griffin McElroy?

  A hundred years of solid poop?

• 13:51Travis McElroy?

  Yes, a hundred years of solid poos. Yes, thank you very much. Very good, Griffin.

• 13:57Griffin McElroy?

  I hate, like, I know.

• 13:59Travis McElroy?

  Years of solid poos.

• 14:01Griffin McElroy?

  That would be the worst. That would be so bad.

• 14:04Travis McElroy?

  This Maya Angelou autobiography.

• 14:06Griffin McElroy?

  Things are happening across the river. People, people moving like monkeys and their shits are of a more comfortable consistency.

• 14:15Travis McElroy?

  Good job. This Maya Angelou by autobiography spends a surprising amount of time on her struggles with constipation.

• 14:25Griffin McElroy?

  I know why the caged turd sings. Travis, you should feel bad. You should feel bad.

• 14:28Travis McElroy?

  You should feel bad about that one.

• 14:30Griffin McElroy?

  You should feel bad about that one.

• 14:31Travis McElroy?

  I feel so bad about it.

• 14:33Griffin McElroy?

  I don't feel bad. I don't feel bad. I don't feel bad. We're asking for money, Travis.

• 14:39Travis McElroy?

  I know. Listen, I feel terrible about it.

• 14:41Griffin McElroy?

  I don't.

• 14:42Travis McElroy?

  Support that. Make that happen more. Make that happen more with the money.

• 14:45Griffin McElroy?

  We should make it possible for people to get a discount on their, on their support of us. If, if they want to do $5 a month, they should be able to do $4.80 to send a message to Travis.

• 14:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:58Griffin McElroy?

  That enough is enough.

• 15:00Travis McElroy?

  Enough is enough. We're giving, where you get a 1% discount and that 1% is for the works of farts that Travis does.

• 15:06Griffin McElroy?

  That one hurt me, but I loved it.

• 15:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. Okay. One more. Young Mary is sent to live in the home of her uncle. She feels alone at first, but eventually befriends a young man named Dickens and her cousin Colin. They bond over their reluctance to pass gas.

• 15:19Griffin McElroy?

  The secret farting.

• 15:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:21Griffin McElroy?

  Travis is breathtaking right now. Travis is-

• 15:25Travis McElroy?

  The rest of that was over their reluctance to pass gas in public. Eventually, the three find joy in a hidden plot of land where they can go and release their flatulence in peace. Yes, Justin, secret farting is correct.

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  Travis, I'm really sorry because secret farting was obvious, but it was a very good setup that I should have let you complete.

• 15:42Griffin McElroy?

  No, because part of the prize, part of the prize for us winning this game and getting these guesses so right is that there's less of this, is that there's less setup. When you see the ship coming in and you can see the name on the side from the distance say secret farting, you shouldn't have to stand there and wait to watch it die.

• 15:58Travis McElroy?

  That's the only one I've, I think maybe I've ever come up with where I would actually like to see that version of it. I'm just, it's been like, if you'll excuse me for a moment, and then running out to a secret walled plot of land, passing gas like, oh, and then coming back inside.

• 16:13Griffin McElroy?

  It turns out that that one kid's not sick. It's just he keeps coughing to cover up his secret farting.

• 16:24Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, there's a problem with this branch. Look at this one. If you bend this one just like this. You see, it's a problem with, I can tell for branches still alive. Look at this one. That's a good one. That's a good living branch. That's a good one, but look at this one over here. No, it's wrong. That one's good too. Both good branches.

• 16:44Travis McElroy?

  All the flowers are dead in a three foot circle around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not good at card.

• 16:51Travis McElroy?

  I'll check these, that, that one was wicked earlier. That's weird. My father is so busy in the coun-

• 17:00Travis McElroy?

  So busy in the countryside.

• 17:06Travis McElroy?

  My boyfriend has five birds that occupy their own room in the house. He spends an hour a day at least with him. And with it, with them, with them, I'm assuming?

• 17:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 17:17Travis McElroy?

  Okay. And then he puts them to bed every night. I want to experience the joy of birds with him, but whenever I go into their room, they start screaming. Brothers, how can I get these little dinosaurs to like me? That's from Bird Brain. Hmm.

• 17:30Griffin McElroy?

  Birds, birds know how, birds are very receptive. Birds know how you feel about them. It's an evolutionary trait. They have to, to make sure that you don't stomp on them and take their eggs and steal their nest and become the mother of their birds. Because that shit happens in nature all the time.

• 17:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:45Griffin McElroy?

  So maybe you need to look inward first to, to figure out why you don't like the birds. I can answer, one thing is because your boyfriend spends one hour a day

• 17:57Griffin McElroy?

  with the birds.

• 17:58Travis McElroy?

  Well, the association is.

• 17:59Griffin McElroy?

  That's a lot of time.

• 18:00Travis McElroy?

  I hope the boyfriend spends at least 61 minutes with you.

• 18:04Griffin McElroy?

  Not equivalent. It's not okay.

• 18:06Travis McElroy?

  If it works like that, doesn't work like that.

• 18:08Travis McElroy?

  So how many minutes is bird minutes to human minutes that they would need to spend with their partner to balance it out? Give one hour.

• 18:14Travis McElroy?

  It's an excellent question, Travis. I think, I think, I think it's actually 61 minutes is more hurtful than like 20. Because I feel like 61 is like attempting equivalency, which is sad. I feel like it's better if it's like, I love a bird man. Like, and I gotta accept, he's a bird man. I love a bird man. I moved in with a bird man. I share him with the birds. I take the scraps. You know, when you, you know, like a Priscilla Presley, you know, she realized she had to share Elvis with the world.

• 18:51Travis McElroy?

  With his birds.

• 18:52Travis McElroy?

  With his birds and also his fans and the Colonel, you know, everybody.

• 18:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 18:58Travis McElroy?

  Colonel, everybody.

• 18:59Travis McElroy?

  Is it one solid hour? Does he go in, does he clock in for an hour and clock out? Because I, I have to assume the birds.

• 19:08Travis McElroy?

  What do you do with birds for an hour?

• 19:12Travis McElroy?

  What, what happens, what happens in the other 23?

• 19:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:17Travis McElroy?

  I will say this. Are they watching videos? Are they playing Fortnite?

• 19:21Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, wait, you guys are gonna love, you guys are gonna love this one. Have you seen David after Dennis birds? No, of course not, your birds. Check this shit out.

• 19:27Travis McElroy?

  You'll love it.

• 19:28Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, do you guys like alt comedy podcasting? Birds, you're gonna love some of these jokes. Do birds have any money?

• 19:34Travis McElroy?

  Maybe you scream back at them.

• 19:36Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 19:37Travis McElroy?

  This might be a respect thing, because birds, they, they don't, hey, this might surprise you. They don't communicate the same way humans do. So maybe they're screaming because they're excited to see you. And you scream back at them and they'll be like, mm, nice. And now you've got their respect. Maybe they don't like you, but they respect you.

• 19:54Griffin McElroy?

  Does your boyfriend know the birds don't like you? You should, next time these birds start screaming at you, you need to be like the, um, you know, the stepmom and parent trap and be like, do you see what these little shits are doing to me? Do you see this?

• 20:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Send those birds to birding school.

• 20:10Griffin McElroy?

  You fold.

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  That's boarding school for birds.

• 20:13Griffin McElroy?

  It's good, Travis. I'm so sorry. I didn't recognize your genius.

• 20:15Travis McElroy?

  It's a good, but what if you want to learn to bird?

• 20:18Travis McElroy?

  Then you're Brenda Fricker-ing it as hard as you can. You come in with handfuls.

• 20:22Travis McElroy?

  2025, we gotta talk about Brenda Fricker less. Or have her on Clubhouse. Or have a funeral for her on Clubhouse if she has passed. I do not know which.

• 20:31Griffin McElroy?

  Jesus Christ.

• 20:32Travis McElroy?

  One of the two should happen. That's all I'm saying.

• 20:34Travis McElroy?

  Why did that upset you, Griffin? If Brenda Fricker has passed, we should memorialize her. The irony is if you make a statue, will the birds know what's up?

• 20:43Travis McElroy?

  I don't know. It's like, if they poop on it, it's like, she would want that.

• 20:46Travis McElroy?

  She would want that, right?

• 20:47Travis McElroy?

  I think it is very.

• 20:48Griffin McElroy?

  It's not that I want us to stop talking about Brenda Fricker. I would like us to stop yelling about Brenda Fricker.

• 20:54Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 20:55Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think.

• 20:55Travis McElroy?

  Maybe in 2025, we.

• 20:57Travis McElroy?

  Stop yelling.

• 20:58Travis McElroy?

  We try to have more, like, more modulated.

• 21:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we get excited. We get excited because we know her name and that's cool. It's a fun name.

• 21:06Travis McElroy?

  It's a fun name to say. It's a fun image.

• 21:09Travis McElroy?

  The problem is the fact.

• 21:10Travis McElroy?

  When she throws the bird seed at Joe Pesci and Tino Stern.

• 21:13Travis McElroy?

  More talk about Brenda.

• 21:14Travis McElroy?

  It's amazing, but I'm trying to do it, Justin. I'm trying to do it down here.

• 21:18Griffin McElroy?

  ASMR voice.

• 21:19Travis McElroy?

  Trying to do some Brenda Fricker ASMR.

• 21:21Griffin McElroy?

  Go ahead, Justin. Talk about not Brenda Fricker.

• 21:24Travis McElroy?

  What I was gonna say is that I, I think the problem is the fact that there's a discreet room where the birds are located. And that creates this situation where you know how much time is being spent with the birds. I will say this, if my wife had to go to a room to hang out with her cats, I probably wouldn't see my wife very much, if at all.

• 21:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:46Travis McElroy?

  You know, I, I think it's very easy to sit here and say, wow, an hour. My cats are pretty much always with my wife and she spends more than an hour telling them when I'm not being a great husband. You know what I mean?

• 21:57Travis McElroy?

  Sure.

• 21:58Travis McElroy?

  Sells a lot of time sowing seeds of discord with the cats, like.

• 22:02Travis McElroy?

  I would also say that I'm betting your boyfriend came into this relationship with five birds and it's not accumulated over the time you've been together. So now the birds.

• 22:11Travis McElroy?

  It's a wild guess. You're absolutely from.

• 22:13Travis McElroy?

  You have no. Oh, I'm just saying that based off my own judgment, that if my wife comes home with one bird, I'm like, okay, by the time we get to three, I think I'd be like, that's enough.

• 22:21Travis McElroy?

  You're replacing, you're replacing me with. Based off my own judgment, you had a hundred birds and 95 of them died and you should be really nice about the five that are left because he lost 95 birds. Now that's just my own judgment of what might have happened.

• 22:34Travis McElroy?

  That's a little corner we call Justin's judgment. What I'm saying is if he came in with five birds, the birds, you're not sharing him with the birds. There's birds are sharing him with you. So when you come into the room, the birds are like, we get him an hour a day. The rest of the house is yours.

• 22:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:51Travis McElroy?

  You get to hang out there. Why are you coming in the one room we have?

• 22:54Travis McElroy?

  Let the birds out. Let them out. Turn your house into aviary. They will, birds will love you then. They know that they are prisoners because of you. You're their warden. Yeah. They know that if it was his house, they would have free run of the place. That's why I'm saying the room is the problem. If you want the, birds are smart, man. Crows can do puzzles, okay? Yeah, man. It's 2025, crows can do puzzles. They know that you are their warden. If you want them to love you, you must turn your home into an aviary. Yes. And let them free. Let them fly free.

• 23:28Travis McElroy?

  Take the, take the hinges off.

• 23:30Travis McElroy?

  Take the hinges off. Yep. They gotta be free. Could you get five snakes?

• 23:36Travis McElroy?

  Huh?

• 23:36Travis McElroy?

  Could you get six cats? Whoa, hold on.

• 23:39Travis McElroy?

  And seven dogs, eight ponies, nine donkeys.

• 23:43Travis McElroy?

  Now, and listen. Very motivated marmoset. And.

• 23:51Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, how about another question?

• 23:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'll help you with that. No problem. It's my, it's my absolute joy. I occasionally go to Madagascar on research and bring back some cured vanilla beans straight from the source. That is probably the most cost efficient way of getting them.

• 24:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:09Travis McElroy?

  Cause the, with the prices of vanilla beans.

• 24:11Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know anything about that. I don't know anything about that. I do not.

• 24:14Travis McElroy?

  I soaked them in vodka for months and then funneled them into little bottles to give to friends and family.

• 24:18Travis McElroy?

  Sounds like me on a bad, on a rough weekend.

• 24:25Griffin McElroy?

  On a rough weekend, Travis soaks vanilla beans in vodka.

• 24:30Travis McElroy?

  No, I soaked myself. I'm, I soaked myself in vodka. That's what I meant.

• 24:34Travis McElroy?

  I soak them in vodka and then send them to friends and family and podcasters. Oh, P O Box 54, 100 plus, we're getting to 2006. Let's get that vanilla pipeline flowing. About a year ago, I gave each of my coworkers one of these little bottles. When passing one particular, they put a frowny face emoji in there, which is new.

• 24:54Travis McElroy?

  Angry frowny face.

• 24:55Travis McElroy?

  An angry, an angry emoji coworker's office just now. I noticed her bottle is on a shelf full of junk, still in the Ziploc bag, untouched and collecting dust. What are my vanilla custody rights in this situation? Do you think she'll notice if I grab it and take it back home for myself? Should I try to convince her to covet this special extract? That's from Vanilla in Vain.

• 25:16Griffin McElroy?

  One, can I just say, I appreciate your pride in your craft to say, this shit's dope. And this loser wastoid is looking a gift horse in the mouth and then putting the horse in a bag, a dusty, old dusty bag. And I'm glad that you have the strength of your convictions to know you are in the right here and this person's a fucking monster. I would, I don't know what to do with a bunch of beans soaked in booze. Um, I imagine dibble dabble it into cakes and creams and cookies and whatnot.

• 25:50Travis McElroy?

  Mm hmm.

• 25:51Griffin McElroy?

  It's just extract, huh? It's just vanilla extract.

• 25:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:54Travis McElroy?

  Maybe you just take, take that bag with the bottle off the shelf when they're not looking. Set it center of their desk, walk away. If you pass at a later time and it's back on that shelf, all yours.

• 26:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. But if she smashes it, because she thinks a ghost got in the bag and is moving shit around in her desk.

• 26:13Travis McElroy?

  That's a problem.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  And then she go, she goes mad.

• 26:16Travis McElroy?

  Could you leave a note that says, "A ghost didn't move this"?

• 26:20Griffin McElroy?

  I did.

• 26:21Travis McElroy?

  Don't even act like this is a ghost.

• 26:22Griffin McElroy?

  "I moved this, not a ghost. Signed, The Scarlet Pimpernel." And then you'd be like, "God damn it, guys. The Scarlet Pimpernel's back in our fucking office and he's moving all of our shit around willy-nilly."

• 26:33Travis McElroy?

  Can we talk, if we could, wouldn't this be a good moment for the Scarlet Pimpernel to get back?

• 26:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. 2025, you mean like for this vanilla extract?

• 26:44Travis McElroy?

  Or a light in the world? I'm just saying, it would be cool.

• 26:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 26:50Travis McElroy?

  If there was a, a, a, like a Scarlet Pimpernel, you know how he, yeah, so he is a chivalrous Englishman. Who rescues aristocrats before they're sent to the guillotine. What if?

• 27:03Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  If it, Scarlet Pimpernel.

• 27:06Travis McElroy?

  Twist.

• 27:07Travis McElroy?

  Twist. He's like, "Actually, I brought you to my worst guillotine."

• 27:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm the, I'm the blue Pimpernel.

• 27:14Travis McElroy?

  You from the other guy.

• 27:15Griffin McElroy?

  I'm the Azure, I'm the Azure Pimpernel.

• 27:18Travis McElroy?

  And I have brought you some extra aristocats or crats. Not the aristocats, that's a different thing.

• 27:25Griffin McElroy?

  No one's lining up to guillotine the aristocats, Travis. They're fucking delightful.

• 27:29Travis McElroy?

  Vanilla to the poor and death to the rich.

• 27:34Travis McElroy?

  Justin McRae for president.

• 27:38Griffin McElroy?

  This is good, and this is easy, guys, because the Azure Pimpernel, the Cerulean, the Sapphire Pimpernel, it's just a palette swap. We can take all the assets from the Scarlet Pimpernel and just do a little bit of work in the hexadecimal code. Easy, easy adaptation.

• 27:53Travis McElroy?

  That's great. We're gonna have that, uh, roll out by, I think, April.

• 27:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we are also gonna do some co-branded stuff, so if you wanna slap a logo on there, you know, you can have your own Philadelphia Flyers branded one or like

• 28:07Griffin McElroy?

  Gotta be blue.

• 28:08Travis McElroy?

  Mavs, Mavs for you, Mark. Mavs, I would love to put a Mavs logo on there for you.

• 28:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Do you want Mavs? We'll put Mavs right on the back of it, Mark. When we get to Yellow Pembrenell and Pikachu's in there, I'm gonna be so excited, you guys. That's where it's, that's where it's really gonna blow up. I would love to see Pikachu take a swing at some aristocrat. I thought that sentence.

• 28:32Griffin McElroy?

  You thought, wait, which sentence? Pikachu. I'd love to see Pikachu. I mean. I'd love to see Pikachu. It would be cool, not because I'd be excited to see Pikachu, but it would suggest that there are other real Pokemon too. Like, that would get me stoked. You wouldn't be excited to see Pikachu? I would be like, whoa, right? But I wouldn't be like, that's, that's, that's my dog, that's my guy. Like, it would be exciting because I would know that the world of Pokemon is real.

• 28:57Griffin McElroy?

  As I've frequently theorized. Yeah. But for the actual animal himself. Read your dissertation, Griffin. Okay, I'm glad. I worked really hard on it. You got your doctorate. I did. We, we also work really hard on this show with a, a team of other people that we have been fortunate enough to, to hire. This is a Max Fun Drive Break. Oh, okay. Oh, did you want to talk more about the saff-? No, no, Penguin, we did you.

• 29:26Travis McElroy?

  So you think you can hold that on him, huh? Tell him, tell him what the money's for.

• 29:32Griffin McElroy?

  When we started, it was the three of us talking into, hell, you gotta let me get through the copy though, Penguin. You gotta let me talk, Ping. Oh, he's gesturing. He's gesturing kindly.

• 29:42Travis McElroy?

  The floor is yours.

• 29:44Griffin McElroy?

  What? It's the three of us clowns on, on rock band mics plugged directly into our computers. And now we have a team of people who help us to make a lot of stuff. Our video stuff blew up last year because we have, uh, people to help us out.

• 30:01Travis McElroy?

  Nothing to do with that.

• 30:03Griffin McElroy?

  I guarantee.

• 30:03Travis McElroy?

  I heard about it, I heard about it, blown up. It was a real, real tragedy, but I wasn't anywhere in the neighborhood, okay? I don't know nothing about nothing blowing up, alright?

• 30:12Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, yeah. Do you, do you like the McRoy Family Clubhouse? Because we did it last year and it was because of the support that you gave us. We, we've made like, I don't know, a couple thousand episodes of podcasts and it's, uh, all, all, all because of you. So, maximumfun.org/join is where you can go to become a member or boost your membership. Should we talk about some of the, some of the, the gifts that we have? I want, may I?

• 30:36Travis McElroy?

  If I was like Travis, let's say I want to get my beak wet. Hmm, what do I get, what, what, what's in it for me, huh?

• 30:42Griffin McElroy?

  So, and we should say that this Penguin does have a beak.

• 30:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Um, so like we mentioned earlier, $5 a month.

• 30:49Griffin McElroy?

  I need you to stop moving your head like that, Penguin, if you don't mind. Thank you so much.

• 30:53Travis McElroy?

  At $5 a month, you get access to hundreds of hours of bonus content that you only get as a Max Fun member. It includes all the past content from all the past years. This year, there's the My Brother, My Brother and Me Hot Ones audition. We did Charlie verse three for the adventure song, which is Justin. Yeah, Justin runs a one-shot adventure written by his daughter Charlie with contributions from all of our kids. It's wild.

• 31:19Griffin McElroy?

  It's so good.

• 31:20Travis McElroy?

  Sawbones Nights, Medical Mysteries, Schmanners, we did an episode all about genie wishes. The history of them, the etiquette of them, and how to best make your wish so you're not tricked by a genie.

• 31:31Travis McElroy?

  And there's blueprints for Gotham City Bank.

• 31:35Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 31:35Travis McElroy?

  You look in the file, you do view all, see hidden, open all JPEGs. You see a map of Gotham City Bank. That's gratis. That's, that's a thank you.

• 31:46Travis McElroy?

  Wonderful did an episode of Hockey Talk Bada-Ka-Dog with Dave Schumka this year.

• 31:53Griffin McElroy?

  It fucking rips. It's just us asking Dave for an hour. Dave Schumka plays hockey, so it's just for an hour. It's us going like, what's it like to play hockey? And it's, it's good shit, man.

• 32:04Travis McElroy?

  And all of that is available for just $5 a month. At $10 a month, you get your choice of an enamel pin designed by Tom Deja of Boss Man Graphics. My Brother, My Brother and Me's got Trav Nation, Taz has Stop Calling Me Baby, Sawbones Kill All The Mosquitoes. Schmanners is a monster truck with flowers and teacups. Wonderful is Jeff the Poetry Dragon and Still Buffering is a Seedy Walkman. There's $20 a month, you get a 60 inch by 30 inch beach towel or Max Fun Rocket Logo Bucket Hat. There's also $35 a month, $50 a month, up and up. But all of those, even at just $5 a month, makes it possible for us to do this. If everybody gave $5 a month, it would be an absolutely just amazing year.

• 32:48Travis McElroy?

  And that money goes to the shows that you listen to. It supports Max Fun in a small part, but the majority of the. Money that you commit to as a member goes directly to the shows that you love, the shows that you look forward to listening to and to the creators that make them. It's an incredibly unique setup that I, in all of my years of doing podcasts and talking to other people, doesn't exist anywhere else, a way for the listeners to directly support the art and the artists that we love and we feel so special.

• 33:19Travis McElroy?

  In a rapidly changing media environment, to put it mildly, it is, this is, this has allowed us to weather so many storms because of your support, you know, like this is, it's so much more sustainable because we own it and it's ours and no big companies own it, they can't sell it to some terrible person. So we're, it's, it's a, it's a good system and it's owned by the people that make it. So that's, that's pretty cool, I think.

• 33:45Travis McElroy?

  And, and Max Fun is owned by the people that work there.

• 33:48Travis McElroy?

  That's what I meant. Max Fun is owned by the people that make it, both the shows and the, the network itself. It's all, it's all co-op.

• 33:54Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, also, if you have been listening for a while but have never become a member during the Max Fun Drive, uh, because you are uncomfortable with doing like a, a monthly support thing, uh, there's also a prepay option. So you can just pay for the whole year, get all the great gifts and help us meet our goals. Uh, boost your membership that way also. Uh, we're gonna have a bunch of stretch goals throughout the week. This is the, you know, this will come out on the first day of the drive. Uh, the first one that we're announcing, if we hit 2,000 members, we're gonna do a six thumbs, any percent, uh, Star Road livestream on YouTube, the three of us playing the hardest levels in Super Mario World while sharing one controller. It'll be a disaster. Bunch of streams, uh, did a Fuser Max Fun Drive kickoff party today, but we have a ton of stuff coming over the next two weeks, every day, Monday through Friday,

• 34:39Griffin McElroy?

  doing streams. Uh, and you can follow that on our Instagram. We'll be announcing timetables for that stuff too. So it, it is a, it is a two week ask that we make that basically determines, you know, how, how well the year goes now that, uh, we don't sort of rely on advertising so much anymore, uh, especially on all the other shows. But bim bam, we still do okay, but all the other shows, uh, it's, it's fairly dry, uh, over there. So maximumfun.org/join, help us make our shows, help us, uh, keep this thing growing and, and making stuff and, um, we, we appreciate you more than words can say.

• 35:16Griffin McElroy?

  Do we wanna do a wizard?

• 35:19Travis McElroy?

  Do I ever? Do I have? That's a lifelong dream, of course, yeah.

• 35:23Griffin McElroy?

  Let's do a wizard. Marshall-

• 35:26Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, why do you keep saying it like that?

• 35:28Travis McElroy?

  Can we do it individually, or that's like-

• 35:29Travis McElroy?

  All at once?

• 35:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'd rather it not be all at once. No, I mean-

• 35:34Griffin McElroy?

  Let's dogpile this wizard.

• 35:36Travis McElroy?

  No!

• 35:36Griffin McElroy?

  It was sent in, Marshall- Marshall sent it in first, but a lot of people have sent this one in. Uh, and I have, uh, it's been a dereliction of my duty that I have not done this one yet, and I do apologize. I do think maybe this could provide some guidance for us as we move forward as adults, as fathers. It's how to replace swear words with less offensive words.

• 35:58Travis McElroy?

  Thank god.

• 36:00Griffin McElroy?

  That was a good start.

• 36:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:02Travis McElroy?

  Instead of think fuck, which is what I normally say.

• 36:05Griffin McElroy?

  Thank piss.

• 36:06Travis McElroy?

  Thank pissies.

• 36:07Griffin McElroy?

  Make notes on how you swear. Brainstorm all the swear words you use.

• 36:10Travis McElroy?

  Oh my god, what a day.

• 36:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:13Travis McElroy?

  Honey, I can't help with dinner right now. I'm trying to think of all the swear words I use. Fuck! Oh, that's one.

• 36:20Travis McElroy?

  Oh, that's a good one.

• 36:23Travis McElroy?

  I'm trying to make this shitting list. Wait. I got it. Is that a normal way I use it, or is that the first time?

• 36:29Travis McElroy?

  Hey hon, when was the last time you heard me say-

• 36:30Griffin McElroy?

  Do I say shitting a lot?

• 36:32Travis McElroy?

  Is that a common one? How many times would you say? Three, four times a day? Alright, I'm writing it down.

• 36:38Travis McElroy?

  Hey hon, can I say something? You're like, just, I just wanna watch your expression. Pussy.

• 36:44Griffin McElroy?

  Oh my god! Just in-

• 36:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so that's-

• 36:48Griffin McElroy?

  So that one's, I don't say, the good news is I don't say that one a lot. Okay, great.

• 36:52Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I got it, I got it.

• 36:53Griffin McElroy?

  Um, knowing how and when you swear is the first step in figuring out inoffensive replacements. For example, you might be able to identify your number one swear word and start by replacing just that one. I do appreciate the the work that our listeners and Travis have done in helping us compile some of our swear facts. Because I've been trying to clean up my act since that dark truth came out.

• 37:11Travis McElroy?

  Can I tell you the excitement of building a bracket of swear words to figure out which one I say the most? Which one comes out the number one seed? Because I'm betting there's a Cinderella story in there, where I think it's fuck, but it turns out like I say sh-

• 37:25Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, coming around the bend, it's bastard? What?

• 37:27Travis McElroy?

  Whoa, no way!

• 37:30Travis McElroy?

  Travis says dookie.

• 37:34Travis McElroy?

  I would love to know, this is, this is, the information that I need is, what is our like, least used swear word, right? Like, where are we like, oh no, even the if they, this is, like, there has to be a word where if we use it, it's really bad, right? Cause there's gotta be a few words we've only busted out a few times, like, real, real stinkers.

• 37:56Griffin McElroy?

  We don't say ass, which is weird. We say all the other ones.

• 37:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's true. I will never say H E double hockey sticks.

• 38:03Griffin McElroy?

  No way.

• 38:04Travis McElroy?

  That's where the devil lives.

• 38:05Griffin McElroy?

  That's where he lives.

• 38:06Travis McElroy?

  If we had started this thing, this is the advice I give to new podcasters. Don't say ass, say a double S.

• 38:13Griffin McElroy?

  And so much so that it makes people, yeah, people will be so weirded out by it after a certain point, cause you'll say all the other ones.

• 38:20Travis McElroy?

  Say all the other ones.

• 38:21Travis McElroy?

  Say all the other ones, because what you're doing is you're gonna reserve that one, and 15 years in, you're gonna say it for the first time, and it's gonna have an impact like you've never imagined before.

• 38:31Griffin McElroy?

  You could also do it for D A M N, and then you hit one of those one day while you're really angry, and just like, the foundations of the building start to crack and crumble. What with the raw power of it. Think about places where you cannot swear. They've listed some, office, office, school, church, anywhere, anywhere near children.

• 38:50Travis McElroy?

  You can't curse at the office? Oh, it's so woke now.

• 38:55Travis McElroy?

  No, you can't curse on the show The Office.

• 38:57Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay, yeah.

• 38:58Travis McElroy?

  That's on network TV.

• 39:00Griffin McElroy?

  Um, that's true.

• 39:02Travis McElroy?

  That show would have been so much better, if it was just like, my fucking staplers are the fucking pillow again. God damn it, Jim.

• 39:10Travis McElroy?

  The British version did.

• 39:11Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna kill you with a gun, Michael, fuck.

• 39:17Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna shoot your shitting ass, fuck. Pam, you're eating my guts, out of my body, ow, fart, shit. Wait, is it The Walking Dead now? Yeah, fuck, Pam, you're a dead zombie, you're eating my fucking brain, ouch. Ouch. Yow.

• 39:33Travis McElroy?

  Ouch, Pam.

• 39:35Travis McElroy?

  Kevin made a big pot of human chili, we're all eating his human brain chili.

• 39:40Travis McElroy?

  And he fucking spilled the human brain chili on the fucking carpet.

• 39:43Travis McElroy?

  Dang, Jim. Get over there, Andy, you bastard.

• 39:47Travis McElroy?

  Jim's the only one alive. And he keeps looking at the camera like, can you believe these guys? It's like, Jim, get the fuck out of there.

• 39:52Travis McElroy?

  Get out of there, Jim. Don't look at me. The camera guy's a zombie, Jim. I do like the cold open where he painted Jim inside on the doors. That was funny. That, that got me.

• 40:02Griffin McElroy?

  That was good.

• 40:04Travis McElroy?

  And then he kind of smirked at the camera, you know, in the way that he does.

• 40:07Travis McElroy?

  When your boss is a zombie. You thought your boss was brainless.

• 40:11Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:13Griffin McElroy?

  There's jokes there for sure. We won't.

• 40:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we should write a song about it.

• 40:17Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, right. Exactly.

• 40:18Griffin McElroy?

  So, think about what you're trying to say when you swear. Sometimes swear words are used in ways that are far different. Okay, let me finish. Sometimes swear words are used in ways that are far different than their actual meaning. For instance, the B word technically means female dog, while the A word means donkey and the D word means wishing one person to an evil place or a barrier to obstruct the flow of water. I don't think that any of that.

• 40:42Travis McElroy?

  And ass also means butt, right? Like.

• 40:45Griffin McElroy?

  No, it means donkey. For instance, this exam really effed me over doesn't say much. While I didn't do well on this exam because I hadn't studied enough for the section on thermal dynamics is much more specific. Yeah, they hit, and they hit the same way, at the same level, for sure.

• 41:00Travis McElroy?

  And, hey, hold on, Article, you can recognize that one of those has like eight words and one has like 27, right? Like, that there is a reason that maybe we wouldn't throw out all of the words you'd say, I fucked up, instead of saying, yeah, so I didn't get a good night's sleep last night and I forgot.

• 41:20Griffin McElroy?

  And I didn't do my due diligence in studying certain topics, specifically thermal dynamics.

• 41:25Travis McElroy?

  Uh, just speaking of yelling, uh, words that sound like curse words, I did want to bring up on the screen here. In the, in the PlayStation game Masters of the Terrace Kai, it's a Star Wars fighting game, there is a character, uh, who, I'm not even gonna attempt the actual name of this character, cause in the game he's called Kohar. Kohar, Kohar. In the game it just says, whore. And I got a lot, I had a lot of fun with that as a kid, cause I would lose. And then I remember one time I yelled, you stupid whore. And then dad came in and I, and I got to be like, actually.

• 42:00Griffin McElroy?

  Got you. Got you, Mac.

• 42:02Travis McElroy?

  Freaking got you.

• 42:04Griffin McElroy?

  Let's get to finding some substitutions. Okay? There's quick euphemisms. Funk instead of

• 42:09Travis McElroy?

  To her, her, her.

• 42:10Griffin McElroy?

  Nailed it.

• 42:11Travis McElroy?

  Full name.

• 42:13Griffin McElroy?

  Darn instead.

• 42:14Travis McElroy?

  That's my father. Call me Frank.

• 42:18Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, what the F, what the heck, or what the barnacles instead of what the F? Also, what the hell? Wait, also, what the hell? Acceptable.

• 42:25Travis McElroy?

  Let me just say this. If I'm working in an office setting and uh, maybe

• 42:31Griffin McElroy?

  Something has gone terribly wrong.

• 42:33Travis McElroy?

  Something's gone terribly wrong. Not enough people supported the Max Fun Drive. And now I've had to take a day job back at the office selling paper. And I've just found out that there's a huge return on an order I sell. And I yell out, what the barnacles? I think I will be called into HR.

• 42:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Good news though, Travis. The article, this Wiki house got also other great suggestions. Invent new inoffensive expletives to use instead of swear words. Since these words are newly invented, they won't offend some people like swear words will. Use your imagination to invent replacement words and phrases like brace your ass.

• 43:08Travis McElroy?

  I'm ready.

• 43:09Griffin McElroy?

  Boca Luca.

• 43:11Travis McElroy?

  Nope.

• 43:12Griffin McElroy?

  Iguanwalasha.

• 43:14Travis McElroy?

  No. Boca Luca.

• 43:17Griffin McElroy?

  Boca Luca.

• 43:18Travis McElroy?

  Why are there so many syllables?

• 43:20Griffin McElroy?

  Iguanwalasha. This sounds like a sim who is like, you know, they couldn't nut when they made Wahoo or whatever, and they climb out of bed all pixelated like Iguanwalasha.

• 43:31Travis McElroy?

  Iguanwalasha. This sounds uh, like James Cameron trying to come up with curse words. It knocks.

• 43:35Griffin McElroy?

  It does. But how about with this one though? This one actually does hit. Dinglebuff.

• 43:42Griffin McElroy?

  Ah, dinglebuff.

• 43:43Travis McElroy?

  Dinglebuff does hit. I'll give you that one.

• 43:45Travis McElroy?

  Dinglebuff makes me feel angry.

• 43:49Travis McElroy?

  I love the musical stylings of dinglebuff, pumperfuff.

• 43:53Travis McElroy?

  This work is great.

• 43:55Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, you're allowed to cuss again if it

• 43:57Travis McElroy?

  If it stops me from saying dinglebuff, pumperfuff, we'll pay it. All I'm saying is that when you think about swear words, they're single syllable. Very percussive. Fuck, shit, damn, right?

• 44:08Griffin McElroy?

  Bastard.

• 44:09Travis McElroy?

  Bastard. And now you're introducing ingrofumph, whatever, like give me a solid percussive sound that means that doesn't have, but feels the same way.

• 44:19Griffin McElroy?

  You won't like this one then. I literally bedangled my pants.

• 44:24Travis McElroy?

  That sounds like-

• 44:25Travis McElroy?

  Is that the example they gave?

• 44:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yep, I literally bedangled my pants.

• 44:28Travis McElroy?

  That's a 90s fashion trend.

• 44:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we were all bedangling our jeans.

• 44:33Travis McElroy?

  I just wanna, okay, wait. If the example is, I literally bedangled my pants, then what they're saying is, I mean, the only curse that they could be replacing is like, I literally shit my pants.

• 44:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 44:43Travis McElroy?

  And so what they're saying is like, I shit my pants. Like, that is what they're-

• 44:48Travis McElroy?

  No, I literally did.

• 44:49Travis McElroy?

  I literally shit my pants.

• 44:51Travis McElroy?

  Unless you're admitting to fucking your own pants, I guess.

• 44:55Travis McElroy?

  I fucked my pants, I guess. In a sense, I asked my pants.

• 45:00Travis McElroy?

  I literally fucked my pants. And I understand why I'm in this courtroom today. I get it. I literally fucked my pants. I shit in my pants. I get it.

• 45:10Griffin McElroy?

  I do kinda like having a neutral-

• 45:11Travis McElroy?

  I throw myself at the mercy of the court.

• 45:13Griffin McElroy?

  Having a neutral term for, I've made a mess in my pants, but you don't know which hole? That's like, kind of fun for me. It could mean any number. I dirtied my, I've-

• 45:23Travis McElroy?

  I should be all of it.

• 45:25Travis McElroy?

  I've shaved my pants.

• 45:26Travis McElroy?

  I've ploaked my pants.

• 45:28Griffin McElroy?

  He was, he was so glogged up.

• 45:32Travis McElroy?

  Now, that sounds like constipation. That doesn't sound-

• 45:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I got my wee woo beat at bowling last night.

• 45:38Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 45:39Griffin McElroy?

  Now, stop, because that could mean you were defeated in bowling, and wee woo is replacing ass, or my essence. It could also mean-

• 45:50Travis McElroy?

  You showed up, you went for the bowling and stayed-

• 45:53Griffin McElroy?

  For getting beat off at bowling.

• 45:56Travis McElroy?

  Or maybe as someone swung back with the we-mo, they punched you in the dick.

• 46:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:01Travis McElroy?

  This is why we need curse words.

• 46:03Griffin McElroy?

  Cuss words, they're important.

• 46:04Travis McElroy?

  Cause you can't tell dick from ass unless you say those words.

• 46:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's true.

• 46:09Travis McElroy?

  You can't tell them apart without using the bad words. You have to use them.

• 46:12Travis McElroy?

  We can also agree that if you're trying to replace, maybe, let's say dick with wee woo, there might be situations in which, well, saying wee woo might be, let's say, a mood killer. It might be a problem.

• 46:26Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 46:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 46:29Travis McElroy?

  If you were to say, for example, that feels so good on my wee woo. That might be the end of maybe an experience.

• 46:37Griffin McElroy?

  But then they would be like, I thought your wee woo was your butt. And you'd be like, well, in my family, growing up, um, hey.

• 46:42Travis McElroy?

  Wait, what do you think bedangling is? Because we're about to talk about that as an option.

• 46:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, if I start shouting, I'm gonna bedangle. What does that mean to you? Tell me now, before we get intimate, use outdated swear terms. Some words that were once, uh, used as offensive swear words have become either more acceptable or have generally been forgotten.

• 47:01Travis McElroy?

  Bring them back.

• 47:02Griffin McElroy?

  Bring them back, bring them back, bring them back. Con sarnit instead of darn it. Oh, well, instead of damn it. They didn't blur this one for some reason. They blurred all the other cusses. Con sarnit, zuterkins, a 17th century term for God's wounds or zounds. So this does sound like something Paul.

• 47:20Travis McElroy?

  Why do you need a 17th century term for zounds? Just say zounds.

• 47:24Travis McElroy?

  Is that not, are you not allowed to say zoons these days?

• 47:27Travis McElroy?

  Zoons.

• 47:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, um, fop doodle for dumbass. Hey, if you call me a dumbass, I'll be like, all right, man. If you call me a fop doodle, I'll throw hands. These hands are coming out.

• 47:38Travis McElroy?

  I will beat your wee woo so hard.

• 47:41Griffin McElroy?

  They say you're one wee woo fop doodle. I'll be like, get the hands out because I'm throwing mine and I want it to be fair. And I want it to be.

• 47:47Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna bedangle your face up.

• 47:49Griffin McElroy?

  I don't talk about fighting a lot on this show, but there's certain words in here that if, if you call me a gadz buddiglikins, unknown derivation. Yeah, cause you just fucking made it up.

• 48:00Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's not real.

• 48:02Griffin McElroy?

  Hands coming out. Borrow fictional swear words, frac or frac from Battlestar Galactica, goram from the Firefly series. I will literally wedgie you so hard you will severance right then and there. You'll become two people from the foes of the wedgie.

• 48:19Griffin McElroy?

  Then it says swear in a foreign language. No, that's cussing. Bleep yourself. This bleeping movie is stupid. I lost my bleeping phone. Hands. Absolutely.

• 48:29Travis McElroy?

  Speak, absolutely.

• 48:31Travis McElroy?

  Ow, my bleeping wee woo.

• 48:33Travis McElroy?

  Back to your face. I do get offended by this. I'm realizing this is what it feels like. I would be offended if someone is so worked up about profanity that they commit far graver sin, and that is.

• 48:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:47Travis McElroy?

  Resting my attention away.

• 48:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 48:50Travis McElroy?

  With some. Haggard, old, dusty bullshit.

• 48:55Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 48:56Travis McElroy?

  Please, just, like, don't, dude, ta- like, don't. Don't do it with words, don't do it with clothes, don't.

• 49:03Travis McElroy?

  One of the things-

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  Don't. I'm trying to do other things. Don't say zounds or frippery or any of that. It made me think about you.

• 49:12Travis McElroy?

  Frippery fucks. You can say frippery.

• 49:14Travis McElroy?

  Don't say "pardon," don't say that kind of stuff. Don't make me think about you. It's mean.

• 49:18Travis McElroy?

  My, my personal, one of my personal pet peeves is when in, like, written, uh, advertisements, say, a newspaper article or a billboard, they will have a curse word, but it's censored out. And it's like, you thought you were so naughty. You felt so, and so you invoked fuck, but you didn't want to put fuck because you'd get in trouble. So you put F and then the shit. And it's like, but I'm thinking fuck.

• 49:44Travis McElroy?

  I know.

• 49:45Travis McElroy?

  Fuck. Have the, have confidence in yourself.

• 49:48Travis McElroy?

  So, how to type that stuff? It's tough.

• 49:51Travis McElroy?

  It's so much worse.

• 49:52Travis McElroy?

  Like, you ever try to, like, you're typing something for use and you're trying to, like, put in the symbols and stuff. It's not as easy. Like, if you guys try to do, like, try to do "motherfucker" in your, uh, browser bar right now. If you type the symbols-

• 50:05Travis McElroy?

  I'm not searching that.

• 50:06Travis McElroy?

  Text "motherfucker" to that. Just to, like, ta- test it.

• 50:10Travis McElroy?

  I have no problem with that.

• 50:10Griffin McElroy?

  I deleted the picture of the person again from this fucking document. It really seems like I'm holding a grudge.

• 50:17Travis McElroy?

  To make it, like, if you want to censor that out-

• 50:19Griffin McElroy?

  Speak eloquently. Circumlocutions or ways of getting around saying something that you don't want to or shouldn't can be used as another way of replacing swear words. This is some of the worst stuff, guys. Instead of "I can't find my keys, I'm so effed," try, "By the beard of Zeus, I declare, I have lost my keys and this has thrown me into a woefully anguished state of mind."

• 50:39Travis McElroy?

  This is assuming someone is hearing it, right? Like, someone will hear you say it.

• 50:44Griffin McElroy?

  If not-

• 50:45Travis McElroy?

  Is that allowed to cuss when no one's around, right?

• 50:48Travis McElroy?

  Right. So the only reason, is this just to please God? Because, like, if that's what it is, like, slow down before you're about to curse and curse God on your own. Like, slow down and, like, explain to him that you're not that bad. Because if it's around other people- I don't think that's fair to anyone to have to hear that.

• 51:07Griffin McElroy?

  To say all that shit.

• 51:08Travis McElroy?

  To say that to them, around them, near them.

• 51:10Travis McElroy?

  In the grand scheme of things, and listen, I'm, I don't buy into it, but do you think God cares if I say fuck?

• 51:20Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, you gotta get saved.

• 51:22Travis McElroy?

  You gotta get saved.

• 51:23Travis McElroy?

  I did twice, Griffin, and you know that because I liked the attention I got.

• 51:27Griffin McElroy?

  Fifteen years, last fifteen.

• 51:28Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I have to re-up it. But do you think that when I say fuck upstairs, God is like, oh, man, Travis?

• 51:35Travis McElroy?

  Travis, you understand that you're doing this for your job, is what I know.

• 51:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, God gets it. God's a podcaster. He loves that alt comedy shit.

• 51:42Travis McElroy?

  I would never do this outside of the context of this show. I hope everybody knows, like, if you meet me in my day-to-day life, I'll still cuss because that's part of the performance. You know what I mean? You're meeting the character Justin McElroy, who is a cursor, but like, if you somehow were able to observe me without me knowing that I'm being observed by a listener, which is impossible.

• 52:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he doesn't exist when that happens. Yeah.

• 52:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I gotta trade those senses. But if you were to see me without me knowing a listener was observing me, I would never, ever, ever curse.

• 52:13Travis McElroy?

  No, no. And I don't interrupt people. I don't speak loudly. My voice is totally normal and pleasant to listen to. All of this is a character.

• 52:23Griffin McElroy?

  My, my words I think of as a beaut- like a beautiful gift. And so when I cuss and I make dirty stuff out there,

• 52:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:30Griffin McElroy?

  Um, it's just not something I'm comfortable with doing, not, not for this show. That's a part of my life that you don't get access to, actually.

• 52:36Travis McElroy?

  Well, and it's wasted. If these are fun words that we use to make you happy, why would I spill my fucks upon the ground? You know what I mean? I'm not gonna waste those. I'm saving those for Max Fuck Drive.

• 52:50Griffin McElroy?

  Now, Travis, I don't think that.

• 52:53Travis McElroy?

  Did I lose my rights to curse again?

• 52:56Griffin McElroy?

  You did, Travis. I'm gonna put you in the penalty box.

• 52:59Travis McElroy?

  I'm secret agent Max Fuck Drive.

• 53:03Travis McElroy?

  And I'm here to ask you to donate to the maximum fund.

• 53:07Travis McElroy?

  When I'm shifting up the gears in the fuckmobile.

• 53:14Travis McElroy?

  I'm only thinking about one thing, and that's how much I love the McElroy Brothers podcasting. Not now, Daphne.

• 53:21Griffin McElroy?

  Fast and the Furious 12.

• 53:23Travis McElroy?

  Daphne? Wait, is the car Daphne?

• 53:26Griffin McElroy?

  The car is Daphne. Fast and the Furious 12. The car is AI. The driver is Pierce Brosnan, rolls up to La Familia, and Vince like, I don't know, guys. Like, I know we have an open door, big tent policy here in La Familia, but this is, this seems pretty wildly out of aesthetic for us, shall we say. It's Max Fuck Drive, the British secret agent spy with a car named Daphne that's artificially intelligent. I don't know, guys.

• 53:52Travis McElroy?

  Does he fuck his car? Let me say this. I will say this. Max Fuck Drive is such a big swing. It's probably something we need to run through the whole team. Like, everybody needs to... Like, he's more of a thematic element that everyone's gonna need to buy into. That's not McElroy. That extends to everybody.

• 54:12Griffin McElroy?

  That extends out. And listen, I know we broke the dam when we brought John Cena into this cinematic universe to play basically John Cena, but I do have to draw the line at Max Fuck Drive. There is, uh, I have principles.

• 54:26Travis McElroy?

  (singing) I want to munch.

• 54:35Griffin McElroy?

  Squad.

• 54:37Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch.

• 54:39Griffin McElroy?

  Squad.

• 54:42Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Brought It's Podcast, with a podcast profiling latest in Grayson brand eating. I have a quickie for you today because this, this date has already passed, which is a heartbreaker, obviously. I always hate, hate it when that happens, but I did want to let you guys know about this image that exists.

• 54:59Griffin McElroy?

  Cool, cool, cool, cool. And that's great. I do like it. I want it so bad. I'm so hungry. I want it.

• 55:05Travis McElroy?

  Tell me about it. What do you see there, Griffin? You're a fancy guy.

• 55:08Griffin McElroy?

  We're looking, we're looking at, imagine if a Super Bowl party, a car delivering food to it, got in a terrible accident. And then this is what the, this is what the paramedics were able to recover from the wreck. It is a Pizza Hut pizza charcuterie tray, I suppose.

• 55:23Travis McElroy?

  Move over salami and brie. Pizza Hut is taking charcuterie to the next level just in time for pie day.

• 55:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, baby.

• 55:30Travis McElroy?

  Introducing Pizza Charcuterie, a customizable Instagram-worthy pizza board, designed for the ultimate social gathering. Whether hosting a pie day celebration, a watch party, or just looking for an easy but impressive way to elevate your get-together, Pizza Hut's new Pizza Charcuterie is the ultimate crowd pleaser. Think of it as a build-your-own experience. This is fun design, this is devour.

• 55:51Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 55:52Travis McElroy?

  Hey, hey, pizza already comes ready to serve in a container.

• 55:58Griffin McElroy?

  In a great shape, an awesome shape that we all are crazy about.

• 56:01Travis McElroy?

  I've never thought, oh, I love pizza so much, but it's so hard to serve up and get out to the people. I know. I'll pile it up in a big car wreck mess.

• 56:10Griffin McElroy?

  Tossed, tossed in a mess all helter skelter. That's the pizza for me.

• 56:15Travis McElroy?

  Why are some of the wings in a bowl and some of the wings not in a bowl? And some of the breadsticks are in a bowl and some of the breadsticks are not in a bowl?

• 56:22Griffin McElroy?

  Well, Travis, it's like when you pour sake for a friend. You're supposed to overflow the cup. They have overflowed the cup a lot, I will say, with the slimiest looking buffalo wings. God, I would fuck this up so bad.

• 56:35Travis McElroy?

  This is also a great way that if you got pizza specific to people at your party and they're like, "I want it with this," or "I'm allergic to this," be like, "Hey," now nobody will like it because it's touching everything.

• 56:47Griffin McElroy?

  Everything's touching everything. It's awesome.

• 56:49Travis McElroy?

  Do you like a little bit of buffalo wing on your cheese stick and a little bit of onion on your cheese pizza? And, yeah, oh, okay, here you go. Enjoy this morass of edibles. Uh, to help launch Pizza Charcuterie, Pizza Hut teamed up with Robert. Sorry, one second.

• 57:08Griffin McElroy?

  You can do it.

• 57:09Travis McElroy?

  No, Griffin, I can't because the last name is Gronkowski and you cannot call him Robert Gronkowski. I refuse.

• 57:18Travis McElroy?

  The man's name is not right. He's in a, he's in a Pizza Hut ad. He's not Robert Gronkowski.

• 57:26Travis McElroy?

  Rob Gronkowski is in, is in this ad and the link to it doesn't work. And that's as hard as I'm going to work to see Rob Gronkowski. Stack up pizza. Quote, "We've seen creative charcuterie boards take over social feeds. We knew it was time to give pizza the spotlight it deserves," said Melissa Freebie. Yeah, finally, because let's be honest, stacking crackers is cute, but stacking pizza, wings and breadsticks, that's a power move. And I gotta say, Melissa, I agree. I want to say, good. I'm glad charcuterie has been not very good for a long time. And I'm glad everybody got together.

• 58:04Travis McElroy?

  I've been very vocal about this to Travis and everybody's agreed about this. And I'm glad that we finally pizza's like, oh yeah, you guys like to eat before dinner? Fuck you.

• 58:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:13Travis McElroy?

  There's something to eat before dinner?

• 58:15Griffin McElroy?

  A huge, a huge lack of both pateys and dried ass apricots on this board. And I am loving that vibe.

• 58:24Travis McElroy?

  The only problem with it is that there are still olives.

• 58:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:27Travis McElroy?

  That is the only problem.

• 58:28Travis McElroy?

  Can I tell you a hundred percent what this is giving me? I've been staring at it as one might stare into the abyss. This is the most divorced dad weekend with the kids trying to prove he's still fun.

• 58:42Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, don't make it sad. It could also be, it could be, it could be sports with the, with your friends. It could be anything.

• 58:49Travis McElroy?

  You're classy too.

• 58:51Travis McElroy?

  You could, you could be, you could be buying a pizza charcuterie board for your friends, trying to prove to them that you're a good dad.

• 58:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:59Travis McElroy?

  You don't know.

• 59:00Travis McElroy?

  You could be trying to prove to all kinds of people, the office. Maybe you're trying to prove to the office you're a good dad.

• 59:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you never know.

• 59:06Griffin McElroy?

  Mr. Wilkins, in the case, uh, the custody battle between you and, uh, your ex-wife. Oh, what's this? Oh, you brought a little pizza charcuterie board in for the for the court. Oh, well, this is, you know what? You are a good dad. I can tell.

• 59:20Travis McElroy?

  What's that? You dressed up as an old British lady to still spend time with your kids? Yeah, no, no, no, there's no way you're going to prison. What's this? You're submitting evidence to the court? Pizza charcuterie?

• 59:31Griffin McElroy?

  Pizza charcuterie?

• 59:32Travis McElroy?

  Have your own TV show.

• 59:34Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you, Mrs. Doubtfire.

• 59:35Travis McElroy?

  Anyway, that's the news. It's two pizzas.

• 59:37Travis McElroy?

  More like Mrs. Doubtfavor.

• 59:39Travis McElroy?

  Hey, thank you so much for all of your support. Uh, if you if you don't yet support the show, there's a lot of great bonus content available to you. If you go to maximumfun.org forward slash join, I think that you are going to be very delighted with the things that you find there. It, uh, uh, we've got videos, we've got audio, we've got so much stuff, and I think you're just gonna love it.

• 1:00:03Travis McElroy?

  And maybe you're already a Max Fun member, which, thank you so much. We appreciate your ongoing support, but maybe this is the year that you consider upping your membership to the next level. Maybe go from five to 10 or something like that, um, to show a little bit more support if you're able to. We would really appreciate it. And we also want to encourage you, stay tuned to the McRae family Instagram, because as we hit, uh, those bonus goals, as we're doing live streams and stuff like that, we're going to be announcing all of that there on our stories and such. And you won't want to miss it because we've got stuff planned for every day. And we want you to be a part of it. We want you to be there, uh, because this isn't just about asking you for your support. It's also a way for us to say thank you and and give you some extra content as a little thank you for your support.

• 1:00:47Griffin McElroy?

  So we would never call it content, though. We would never call it.

• 1:00:50Travis McElroy?

  Extra joy?

• 1:00:51Griffin McElroy?

  No, that's gross, too.

• 1:00:52Travis McElroy?

  Extra.

• 1:00:53Griffin McElroy?

  Extra video, extra videos.

• 1:00:55Travis McElroy?

  There we go.

• 1:00:56Griffin McElroy?

  Sensory pleasure.

• 1:00:57Travis McElroy?

  Mm hmm. Yeah, so make sure you check that out.

• 1:00:59Griffin McElroy?

  And do the eyebrow thing, too, that Justin did, the nasty eyebrow.

• 1:01:01Travis McElroy?

  I don't have the control over it like Justin does. I have, when I do it, I have to look like I'm staring blank faced.

• 1:01:07Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, hey, hey. Listen, we lost the

• 1:01:11Travis McElroy?

  You don't have my

• 1:01:13Griffin McElroy?

  We lost the fucking iHeart Media Podcast Awards for Best Ad Read again last night to fucking Conan, man. He's already won it.

• 1:01:22Travis McElroy?

  Jesus.

• 1:01:22Griffin McElroy?

  He's already won it. It's not his turn.

• 1:01:24Travis McElroy?

  What? No, man? How? How's it possible?

• 1:01:27Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Conan, I know you listen.

• 1:01:29Travis McElroy?

  It's not fair.

• 1:01:30Travis McElroy?

  We'll write our names in Sharpie. What are you gonna do with two of them?

• 1:01:34Travis McElroy?

  Just send it over to us.

• 1:01:35Griffin McElroy?

  We do, and we also need your support. This show would not exist without the people who have supported us in the past in the Max Fun Drive. This is the time where if you enjoy our shows and you want to support our ability to continue making it and growing it and doing video stuff and all kinds of wild shit, then maximumfun.org/join is the link for you. You can prepay for a whole year if you want to and help us hit our stretch goals and get a bunch of incredible. If you've never given, there's like, there's over a decade of bonus, hundreds of hours of bonus content. It's obscene when you become a member. Maximumfun.org/join. Thank you. And thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, "My Life Is Better With You."

• 1:02:19Travis McElroy?

  And thanks to the Penguin.

• 1:02:20Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks to Penguin for stopping by.

• 1:02:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it was a pleasure. Thanks for having me.

• 1:02:24Travis McElroy?

  I forgot to pull a faster than fear, so I'm doing it as quick as I can.

• 1:02:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:29Griffin McElroy?

  I'll just ask Penguin, yeah, Penguin, what are you scared of?

• 1:02:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm happy to. I know you want me to get vulnerable.

• 1:02:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure. What are you scared of? What are you gonna stop being scared of this year, Penguin?

• 1:02:38Travis McElroy?

  Batman.

• 1:02:46Travis McElroy?

  Batman.

• 1:02:48Griffin McElroy?

  Well, for Justin McElroy.

• 1:02:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:02:52Travis McElroy?

  I'm Penguin. I'm Justin.

• 1:02:55Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 1:03:31Griffin McElroy?

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.