Bowen Yang asks about diner orders

The hilarious Bowen Yang (SNL, Wicked, The Wedding Banquet) asks Handsome what their diner order says about them. Plus Mae shows off their "oil thing," a hit song titled "One Pool in Portugal," and the perennial "ultimatum" vs "old tomato" debate! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  Handsome. Chat to my friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat to my friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.

• 1:50Tig Notaro?

  Hello and welcome to the Handsome Podcast, the most handsome podcast this side of the Mississippi. I am one of your hosts, Tig Notaro. And I am one of your other ones, Mae Martin.

• 2:05Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm another one, Fortune Feimster.

• 2:08Tig Notaro?

  And it is three of the most handsome hosts of the handsome podcast.

• 2:15Fortune Feimster?

  Woo hoo. Yeah, baby.

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  Am I driving at home a little too hard? Am I trying desperately to convince people? That we're handsome?

• 2:23Fortune Feimster?

  I don't need to convince anyone.

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  Okay. It's all about how handsome you feel in your heart. I feel handsome, but my eyesight is terrible and I'm not sure of how I feel inside is matching on the outside. Cause I can't see myself on the, I think I need to get a different prescription for my eyeballs. Is it getting worse, you think? I know for a fact. I know for a fact. Yeah. I was walking to meet Max and Finn and Stephanie in a hot tub and I was like, oh, I need to get my glasses. Right. Or else you're gonna have to crawl along and feel the edge.

• 3:08Tig Notaro?

  Right. I mean, it just was a blur. Them sitting in the hot tub, it was a blur. So. Oh my God. Anyway, yeah, I gotta get that sorted before I get back to Star Trek. Because when I left Star Trek, I could see my surroundings and I can't anymore.

• 3:28Fortune Feimster?

  Oh no.

• 3:29Tig Notaro?

  But that might, it might give you a kind of mysterious air because you'll be slightly squinting in a kind of handsome way, kind of looking a little dazed. Oh, well, you haven't seen me on Star Trek, I guess, because I am mysterious and handsome already. Oh shit.

• 3:45Fortune Feimster?

  I love that.

• 3:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Fortune loves it.

• 3:48Fortune Feimster?

  I love it.

• 3:49Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely loves it. How are you, Fortune?

• 3:53Fortune Feimster?

  I'm doing good. I'm having a nice day. I got myself a coffee this morning and a breakfast burrito.

• 4:01Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, yeah. What's in your burrito?

• 4:04Fortune Feimster?

  It was egg and cheese and some hash browns.

• 4:09Fortune Feimster?

  And a little guac and a little sour cream. Although I think I'm over melted cheese right now. I wanted to not have the cheese on there.

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  Over melted cheese?

• 4:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:20Mae Martin?

  Crazy talk.

• 4:21Fortune Feimster?

  It's because I had, I had some pizza a couple of weeks ago and it was, um, my friends ordered double cheese. And it was too much. And now I'm having a, a, a break from cheese moment.

• 4:36Tig Notaro?

  I bet there are people outraged listening right now going, there is no such thing as too much cheese.

• 4:42Fortune Feimster?

  You think that, but everyone in the group agreed it was too much.

• 4:47Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 4:47Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I led the charge at first. So I'm like, this is a lot of cheese. I don't know about this. And then, and they were like, you're crazy. And then they agreed. They're like, oh, it's too much cheese.

• 4:59Tig Notaro?

  In general, I'm not a big, um, even vegan cheese person. Um, every now and then on a burger, but there are some really fancy vegan cheeses that if they're not melted, you know, in that kind of situation and you're just using as a dip with a, a cracker or something. They're so good. They're so good. And I know there's also people yelling right now. There's no such thing as good vegan cheese. And you are wrong. You're wrong.

• 5:30Fortune Feimster?

  I listen, I love cheese. Y'all know how I feel about a charcuterie board. It's just the melted cheese right now. I'm taking a break from.

• 5:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 5:38Mae Martin?

  Okay. I'll cancel the fondue I was gonna send to your house. I'm a big, big cheese guy.

• 5:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I mean, normally I'm fine with it, but I just, yeah, I don't know. I found myself a bench, which y'all know I love. And I took my coffee and my burrito to the park bench and sat there and ate and. Enjoyed life and it was lovely.

• 6:02Tig Notaro?

  Did you have some special thoughts and feelings or just like, mm, this is good, hold the cheese?

• 6:09Fortune Feimster?

  I had both where I was just eating a burrito and then other times where I was being reflective and thinking about life and all the things and going down, you know, different paths in my head. It was a combo.

• 6:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it'd probably be a fun thing to have people, you know, send in their little bench moments.

• 6:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's true. That's true.

• 6:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:35Fortune Feimster?

  I am. Handsome bench moments.

• 6:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, send us your handsome bench moments. If you're having fun, pleasant thoughts or deep, intense thoughts, or even ginger thoughts, you know, any, anything will take any thoughts. But I have to say, when I had my little bench moment, it was such a fun, like, oh, my God, there's a bench. And I certainly have sat on my share of benches, but it was a whole new experience since your bench moments.

• 7:06Mae Martin?

  I have to admit, I think I missed the whole bench conversation and I'm like, I'm on board. I think benches are, I think, I think benches are great, but I'm not, I don't, I think I forget, like, did we talk about benches a lot?

• 7:18Fortune Feimster?

  We, we did at some point. I don't remember. I just, I don't, I don't remember if it was part of a question and I answered. Somehow I brought up that I really love sitting on benches.

• 7:29Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 7:30Fortune Feimster?

  Like, I'll go around, like, especially during the times I've been going through where it's just been a bit heavier. I've been driving to like parks or, or if I'm on the road, I'll walk around town and if I see a bench, I really enjoy sitting on it and it just brings out a lot of like introspective thoughts or I'm just enjoying the day and the sunshine. Um, so yeah, I was just talking about loving a bench and then. Then my mom and I've been doing some videos when I go visit her on the bench.

• 8:03Mae Martin?

  Yes, yeah.

• 8:03Fortune Feimster?

  Where we're sharing her updates.

• 8:05Tig Notaro?

  It's also so fun to just people watch on a bench.

• 8:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I do that, too.

• 8:10Tig Notaro?

  That is a grand old time.

• 8:12Mae Martin?

  You know what my favorite, I keep getting on my algorithm or whatever, one of my favorite types of videos that I see is, picture this, person, maybe they're eating a sandwich, they're on their lunch break, they go sit on a bench, next to a statue, you know how sometimes they have a statue on a bench? Guess what? It's not a statue, it's a person in disguise, and then the statue moves and the person goes, "Ah!" I love that.

• 8:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, like, are you talking about those people, like, when you're in the French Quarter in New Orleans or something? Or you're, yeah, somebody-

• 8:42Fortune Feimster?

  A tin man?

• 8:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and they just stand very still, and I do love a good prank like that.

• 8:48Fortune Feimster?

  I think I would notice that that person, that it was not a statue, that I feel like I would know the difference.

• 8:53Mae Martin?

  Well, you'd smell the sweat and the, and the paint as they're baking in the sun.

• 8:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:58Tig Notaro?

  I would say you'd smell the pain.

• 9:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Tig Notaro?

  I mean, if, why are people doing that?

• 9:05Mae Martin?

  It's, it must be a community that's passionate about it, because there are other easier things you could do, you know, to bask or whatever, so it must be a, maybe there's a whole thing, statue, community.

• 9:18Tig Notaro?

  Clearly, there is, I'm just curious what makes up the person that is like, "I'm gonna paint my body this metallic color, and then go stand out and not move for long stretches of time."

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  I think they like scaring people, maybe, they like the, maybe there's a little sadism sprinkled in there, because that, that's pretty fun to spook people all day, you get the scream and then a big laugh.

• 9:46Tig Notaro?

  Why not just hide behind a bush and then jump out? I mean, that's so much quicker, you see somebody coming, hide behind a bush, boo.

• 9:55Fortune Feimster?

  Boo, he loves a bush.

• 9:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what?

• 9:59Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, Marie.

• 10:02Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just saying, you love a bush, I love a bench.

• 10:07Mae Martin?

  I love a blush, a taint.

• 10:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, your lip taint.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:15Tig Notaro?

  I'm quitting this podcast.

• 10:16Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 10:17Mae Martin?

  That was what pushed you over the edge?

• 10:19Tig Notaro?

  Yes, I've had enough.

• 10:21Fortune Feimster?

  Don't do it.

• 10:22Tig Notaro?

  I'm trying to get this conversation going about ten people.

• 10:28Mae Martin?

  Which is an important conversation to have.

• 10:30Fortune Feimster?

  It is, and hopefully those people get big tips when they do this and it makes it all worth it.

• 10:35Tig Notaro?

  Big what?

• 10:36Fortune Feimster?

  Tips.

• 10:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay, all right. I have to keep an eye on you.

• 10:43Fortune Feimster?

  Just the tip.

• 10:47Mae Martin?

  That would be a good, um, you know, they put like a little sign on a jar by the tip jar, just the tip would be good.

• 10:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, just the tip.

• 10:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:56Mae Martin?

  I'm, guys, I'm eating a lot of cheese because I'm staying with my parents right now in Toronto and they love like a stinky cheese. Like, I feel like you hit seventy and you just want salty morsels in your fridge, just the charcuterie type objects. And so I've been eating cheese and then having vivid cheese dreams, talking in my sleep like crazy.

• 11:18Tig Notaro?

  About cheese or cheese is causing weird dreams?

• 11:22Mae Martin?

  It's causing it. That's a real proven scientific fact.

• 11:26Tig Notaro?

  Okay, a may fact, I would, is what I would call it.

• 11:29Mae Martin?

  You don't know that cheese causes dreams?

• 11:32Fortune Feimster?

  No, I just know that it's not good for your skin and it's actually pretty bad for you.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  It's good for your subconscious. It torments you all night.

• 11:43Fortune Feimster?

  I think it corks your derriere. Stinky cheese.

• 11:47Tig Notaro?

  You don't like stinky?

• 11:48Fortune Feimster?

  Not super stinky. I don't want to be smelling it.

• 11:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 11:52Tig Notaro?

  You know what I used to really be into when I was not vegan was a blue cheese burger.

• 11:57Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 11:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, I like blue cheese dressing with my Hooters chicken wings.

• 12:03Tig Notaro?

  I know you do, girl.

• 12:06Fortune Feimster?

  Someone had sent me a Hooters gift card for my birthday and um

• 12:11Mae Martin?

  Oh nice.

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  They're all closed in Southern California or in LA.

• 12:15Mae Martin?

  You're gonna have to hunt one down.

• 12:17Fortune Feimster?

  I'll have to go on the road and use this gift card.

• 12:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh my goodness.

• 12:20Fortune Feimster?

  When you know you talk about something way too much, when people start sending you gift cards for it.

• 12:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, tell me about it. The stuff that I was getting on on tour from handsome listeners and I'm like, well, I guess I'm obsessed with like weird objects and crystals and marbles.

• 12:37Fortune Feimster?

  And vibrators.

• 12:38Mae Martin?

  And hello?

• 12:42Tig Notaro?

  Wait.

• 12:42Mae Martin?

  And vibrators?

• 12:44Fortune Feimster?

  You're not being given one of those?

• 12:47Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, why, why do you keep doing this to our, our, our wonderful conversation?

• 12:54Fortune Feimster?

  I posted a vibrator pic once and it like broke the internet.

• 12:58Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what did you do?

• 13:00Fortune Feimster?

  Am I crazy?

• 13:01Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes, you are.

• 13:03Mae Martin?

  The only brand partnership I've ever done was for a sex toy and I, and I posted it, but no, I don't get given vibrators on the road.

• 13:12Tig Notaro?

  And how did you break the internet doing that?

• 13:15Fortune Feimster?

  It got a lot of, a lot of engagement.

• 13:17Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 13:18Mae Martin?

  Fortune keeps tabs on the level of engagement.

• 13:22Tig Notaro?

  Have I ever posted anything that's broken the internet?

• 13:27Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, you, you broke the internet with your, um, with your zombie picture in the flight suit.

• 13:33Tig Notaro?

  But I didn't post that. I didn't post that.

• 13:35Fortune Feimster?

  Doesn't matter.

• 13:36Tig Notaro?

  Yes, it does. I'm trying to figure out if I have ever broken the internet with anything.

• 13:42Fortune Feimster?

  You are not gonna post anything, so someone has to post it about you to break it.

• 13:49Tig Notaro?

  Me?

• 13:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:51Tig Notaro?

  I just posted something several days ago.

• 13:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. I forgot. But you hadn't been posting and now you're posting again.

• 13:59Tig Notaro?

  Well, I don't know that I'm on an upswing of posting. I do have days though where I'm like, man, I am gonna get on this whole posting thing and I'm just gonna like, this is the new me. This is the new me.

• 14:13Mae Martin?

  And then Insta stories constantly.

• 14:17Fortune Feimster?

  Get ready with Tig.

• 14:18Tig Notaro?

  I have to say, when I was in Toronto, I got way more involved in Instagram than I had ever been. Like, I had never posted a story until I lived in Toronto for Star Trek this last year.

• 14:34Mae Martin?

  That's loneliness, though. That's like,

• 14:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's your family not being with you.

• 14:38Mae Martin?

  Your family's not there. You're just reaching out.

• 14:40Tig Notaro?

  And then as soon as I got home, I was like, now I know how to post stories and I get the whole stories thing, but I'm not like doing what I was doing before.

• 14:51Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 14:52Tig Notaro?

  Um, but I do, I really do have those moments where I'm like, man, I'm gonna like, I'm gonna really get this going.

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  You gotta do a sex toy photo. That's the thing.

• 15:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'll have to do that.

• 15:05Fortune Feimster?

  Can you do a TikTok dance?

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  I'm not on TikTok.

• 15:08Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. What, May?

• 15:10Mae Martin?

  I regret it. I was gonna say, do you guys use vibrators?

• 15:17Tig Notaro?

  I love how high your voice went.

• 15:25Mae Martin?

  I gotta say, I don't, I don't really, I mean, I did the brand partnership for sure, but like on my own, I'm not really using, I'm not really using them.

• 15:35Fortune Feimster?

  That's surprising. I thought you would be using one of those.

• 15:40Mae Martin?

  What, constantly?

• 15:41Tig Notaro?

  Hold on one second. I just realized you do this sometimes when you talk. I think when you talk about something uncomfortable, you put your finger on your nose.

• 15:52Mae Martin?

  Me?

• 15:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you do that.

• 15:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. You just-

• 15:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you do that. That exact thing. That exact thing.

• 15:59Mae Martin?

  Okay, you know what I noticed I do as well is, because you know, I have a phobia of being like shiny or oily. So I'm constantly, if you're watching on YouTube, you'll see me like dabbing my face and that's what I'm doing. And then guess what?

• 16:12Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 16:13Mae Martin?

  Not that we're beauty influencers, but-

• 16:15Fortune Feimster?

  We are though, yourself.

• 16:17Mae Martin?

  You know, do you know what that is?

• 16:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's an oil thing.

• 16:20Fortune Feimster?

  Thing.

• 16:21Tig Notaro?

  I already said it, Fortune. Quit trying to get points.

• 16:26Speaker 00

  By the way, neither of us have the right word for it.

• 16:29Tig Notaro?

  Is it or is it not an oil thing?

• 16:31Speaker 00

  It's an oil thing.

• 16:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, well, I said it first, Fortune. Sit down, sit down, sit down.

• 16:38Speaker 00

  You are also beauty influencers.

• 16:41Mae Martin?

  This is a.

• 16:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, we should be beauty influencers that fight.

• 16:48Mae Martin?

  And that don't know the words for anything.

• 16:50Tig Notaro?

  Like, what am I, oil thing?

• 16:56Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

• 16:57Speaker 05

  I thought I was Beck Bennett.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no.

• 16:59Speaker 05

  I'm Kyle Mooney.

• 16:59Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly. No, all good, all good.

• 17:02Speaker 05

  Thanks, buddy.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we host the show, What's Our Podcast, here on HeadGum.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online.

• 17:16Speaker 04

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• 17:20Speaker 05

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• 17:28Speaker 04

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• 17:33Speaker 05

  Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like, find the right pictures, or like another type of website to upload the?

• 17:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it's all in one place.

• 17:42Speaker 05

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  Oh, let's come up with a domain right now, let's see, I'm wondering if it exists.

• 18:02Speaker 04

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• 18:20Fortune Feimster?

  Is there a proper word for it?

• 18:21Mae Martin?

  Yes, actually, it's called a blotting paper. And um, since I was about 12 years old, my mom has been pushing these on me, like saying, you gotta get into blotting paper because my mom's very oil conscious. She, I always wanted to be very matte, a matte creature.

• 18:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 18:40Mae Martin?

  So then today, I finally, she was like, do you want some blotting papers for the road? As I headed out and I said, yeah. And then look at me go, I'm loving it. So now you might.

• 18:50Fortune Feimster?

  What is this partnership?

• 18:52Mae Martin?

  No, this is just.

• 18:55Fortune Feimster?

  Blotting paper seems good for you if you're worried about oil. That's a perfect marriage right there.

• 19:00Mae Martin?

  Absolutely. And I think I just was rebelling against my mom for years. Something about her saying the words blotting paper annoyed me. I don't know why.

• 19:07Fortune Feimster?

  You're like, I'm fine, mom.

• 19:08Mae Martin?

  I don't need blotting paper. It's not 1960 or whatever. And then I don't know what that meant, but then um.

• 19:15Fortune Feimster?

  I would have just looked at my mother and said, say again?

• 19:20Mae Martin?

  And that would have put an end to the conversation.

• 19:23Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sorry. Say that to me one more time, please.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  Say it to me one more time. Once is never enough with a man like you.

• 19:37Mae Martin?

  What do you think?

• 19:39Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what we're singing.

• 19:41Mae Martin?

  What is that? And what's the person asking to hear again?

• 19:44Fortune Feimster?

  Say it to me one more time? Is that a Lionel Richie song?

• 19:48Speaker 00

  No.

• 19:49Mae Martin?

  What do they want the person to say?

• 19:51Fortune Feimster?

  This, well, isn't it sexy? Like, do you use my break?

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Well, isn't it, do that to me one more time? In the song, do that to me one more time?

• 20:02Fortune Feimster?

  Do it to me one more time.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Well, we're singing different songs.

• 20:07Fortune Feimster?

  Captain and Tenille?

• 20:09Speaker 00

  Do that to me one more time.

• 20:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah, that's the song.

• 20:14Speaker 00

  Once is never enough.

• 20:16Mae Martin?

  Don't think I haven't noticed that.

• 20:18Fortune Feimster?

  You. That's all Tig right there, y'all.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  What do that to me one more time? Once is never enough.

• 20:29Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Wow. I didn't know I was capable of such.

• 20:32Fortune Feimster?

  We didn't know you were capable of that. What a treat.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Loop that a few times on this episode, please?

• 20:40Mae Martin?

  I have noticed that neither of you answered the question about them.

• 20:44Fortune Feimster?

  Interesting.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Um, I am without those, I will tell you. I do sometimes. Yes.

• 20:51Mae Martin?

  Fortune.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 20:52Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  What?

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  I do sometimes as well. So that's two against one, but it's just not my, my go to usually is just.

• 21:01Tig Notaro?

  Sounds like it's Fortune's 24/7. Good Lord, take a break.

• 21:07Speaker 00

  You guys, I'm blushing.

• 21:09Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I don't want you to electrocute yourself.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  I need a blotting pad.

• 21:14Tig Notaro?

  You need an oil thing.

• 21:18Mae Martin?

  Well, my, my concern, and we'll move off this topic for sure.

• 21:22Tig Notaro?

  No, we won't.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  Please stay on this as long as possible.

• 21:26Tig Notaro?

  I want to know Fortune's, um, schedule.

• 21:30Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 21:33Tig Notaro?

  Tig Marie.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  There's no schedule. It's just, you know, when the.

• 21:38Mae Martin?

  When the mood takes you.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:40Mae Martin?

  But my concern is that like.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Buzz, buzz, buzz.

• 21:46Tig Notaro?

  Go on.

• 21:47Mae Martin?

  I worry that I would get, um, then I wouldn't be able to not use it if you know what I'm saying. If you catch my drift, like you get it. Then you get addicted to the vibration.

• 21:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's not hard to wait.

• 22:00Speaker 00

  Are you saying if you use it too much?

• 22:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like I've dated a lot of people.

• 22:04Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, are you worried? Yes, you are. Yeah.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  I am not worried. Thank you very much.

• 22:12Tig Notaro?

  I'm sorry. Are you saying if it did too many times?

• 22:18Speaker 00

  What happens when you need new batteries?

• 22:23Speaker 00

  Go on, May. I'm sorry Tig is rudely interrupting.

• 22:26Mae Martin?

  Tig, you are on one today. What's going on? Have you, have you, did you have a bunch of decaf coffees or what?

• 22:33Tig Notaro?

  I, you know what? I had a little bit of regular coffee today. I will be honest. And I did play doubles tennis with my family.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 22:42Tig Notaro?

  We can tell you're hopped up on life.

• 22:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Who were the teams?

• 22:46Tig Notaro?

  Well, we switched. Everybody had a chance to be on everybody's team. So we played for a little over an hour and, um,

• 22:55Mae Martin?

  Fun.

• 22:55Tig Notaro?

  Max and Finn are just learning how to play tennis and, um, Stephanie and I are just getting back into the swing of things with tennis. But man, I cannot recommend, like, if you have two kids, that is a really good game to play, a really good sport.

• 23:13Mae Martin?

  Do you feel pressure to let them win? Like not to go too hard on them?

• 23:19Tig Notaro?

  Um, no, um, no.

• 23:22Speaker 00

  You're like, I pounce on them and beat them.

• 23:25Tig Notaro?

  No, Finn is so competitive. It's like, it's a whole thing. It like,

• 23:32Fortune Feimster?

  So Stephanie.

• 23:33Tig Notaro?

  And so is Stephanie. Okay.

• 23:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, well, they haven't played with me. I'm a college tennis player.

• 23:39Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, those are truly getting bigger, your guns. This is insane.

• 23:46Tig Notaro?

  I mean, come on, May. Why are you not?

• 23:48Fortune Feimster?

  Everybody, calm down.

• 23:50Tig Notaro?

  Look, I have, look at my guns.

• 23:52Fortune Feimster?

  May's got the guns.

• 23:53Tig Notaro?

  Oh, everybody's, everybody's bringing the guns.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  I've got pretty good guns.

• 23:57Fortune Feimster?

  Guys, I just felt, I just had a flash.

• 23:59Tig Notaro?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 24:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, here we go. My loved ones, I don't think, yeah, not much happening there. It's this one.

• 24:04Tig Notaro?

  But Fortune, do you see mine?

• 24:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you got some great guns. I just had a flash of how embarrassing it is, how many times we've shown each other our guns on this podcast. I just was like, what?

• 24:17Tig Notaro?

  Freaking handsome.

• 24:18Fortune Feimster?

  This podcast is just three of us being like, no, guys, no, look at that.

• 24:24Speaker 00

  Three pretty little ladies and ladies just showing the guns. What? We're proud of them. This freaking treading water is hard. Hell, yeah.

• 24:34Tig Notaro?

  How many times a week are you treading now? Twice?

• 24:37Fortune Feimster?

  Um, three or, three or four when I'm home, like home, home. But if I'm out, I'm traveling a lot, like twice.

• 24:44Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, that's insane. That's incredible.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  I will say, the last couple of weeks, I have been enjoying lollygagging in the pool.

• 24:51Speaker 00

  Is that what you call using your vibrator?

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  That's a leaf blower. Yeah, that is a leaf blower.

• 25:05Tig Notaro?

  Which I also use. I was gonna say, sounds like you'll take anything.

• 25:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my Lord. I see you so differently, Fortune, but go on.

• 25:17Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you know, uh, it's those kind of times. Um, yeah, man.

• 25:25Mae Martin?

  I'm actually, because I'm, tomorrow I go to Portugal for a week with my family and there's a pool. So I'm like, maybe.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  There's a pool in Portugal?

• 25:33Mae Martin?

  There's one pool in Portugal.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  There's one pool in Portugal. And I'll see you there. One pool in Portugal. Won't you join me in the air? This could be a jam. One pool in Portugal. Just stop and stare. How many times I have to rhyme these words? God, I really painted myself in a corner. One pool in Portugal. Okay, come on, tell us about the pool in Portugal, Meg.

• 26:20Mae Martin?

  I mean, I'm scared to.

• 26:22Speaker 00

  Don't give up, don't give up. Tell us about the pool, buddy.

• 26:26Mae Martin?

  This song's gonna.

• 26:27Speaker 00

  Tell us about your little swimming pool in Portugal. One pool in Portugal. I'm the one over here getting slammed for a vibrator.

• 26:41Speaker 00

  Oh, God, what is this show?

• 26:43Mae Martin?

  Nothing's gonna beat that song. I was just gonna say.

• 26:46Speaker 00

  What song? One pool in Portugal. Oh, my God. May, tell us about your little pool. We're all your dreams come true.

• 26:55Mae Martin?

  I was just simply gonna say, it might be a fun activity with my family to tread in the morning.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  Oh, yes. Yeah, that would be great. So it'd be the four of you?

• 27:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and my brother's wife.

• 27:06Speaker 00

  In one pool in Portugal.

• 27:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, it's so wild.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Holding hands as a family. We came here from Canada.

• 27:17Mae Martin?

  Thomas just wrote, Tig, can you move off the mic?

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Oh, you're coming in too hot, Tig.

• 27:24Fortune Feimster?

  Tigs coming in hot.

• 27:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I had a little caffeine this morning and, you know.

• 27:30Fortune Feimster?

  Had no clue.

• 27:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:33Tig Notaro?

  This is why I steer clear of it.

• 27:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, here goes Fortune with the depuffer. This is a wild episode so far.

• 27:44Tig Notaro?

  Wait a minute, everything's making sense about depuffer.

• 27:50Fortune Feimster?

  This is the depuffer for my face.

• 27:55Fortune Feimster?

  It feels so good, y'all. Oh, it's getting loud. Sorry.

• 28:00Tig Notaro?

  That's all right, girl.

• 28:03Tig Notaro?

  Are you excited for your trip with your family?

• 28:06Mae Martin?

  I am excited. Yeah, it's like we haven't.

• 28:09Tig Notaro?

  That's the answer of somebody excited. I am, yes, excited, yes.

• 28:14Fortune Feimster?

  Excited to go to One Pool in Portugal.

• 28:17Tig Notaro?

  With my family.

• 28:18Fortune Feimster?

  I love Portugal. It's gorgeous.

• 28:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, you been?

• 28:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, many times.

• 28:23Tig Notaro?

  Did you go to?

• 28:24Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I lived in Spain.

• 28:26Mae Martin?

  Um, I'm going to like a little island in the Azores and it's the first time that we've all been on a plane together in like 20 years. Like it's gonna be, it's gonna be crazy. And um, I'm curious, like they're, my parents don't really use smartphones and they navigate the world in a different way. So I'm like.

• 28:43Tig Notaro?

  What do they use? Like they unfold a map and stuff?

• 28:46Fortune Feimster?

  They use a book from Rick Steves.

• 28:49Mae Martin?

  Though, who's Rick Steves?

• 28:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, who's that?

• 28:51Mae Martin?

  Guys.

• 28:52Tig Notaro?

  Two against one. Tell us who it is.

• 28:54Fortune Feimster?

  Rick Steves is only the premier um, tour person that people buy his books to get his recommendations, to find out what cute little boutique hotels he loves, what cities he enjoys, where to go eat. How dare you put some respect on Rick Steves' name. Let me look up and make sure that is his name.

• 29:25Fortune Feimster?

  He was popular back in the day. I don't, yep, American travel writer Rick Steves. I mean, who doesn't want to listen to this guy?

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  I'm happy to listen to him. I just, you know, I'm just learning about him, but I don't need to be yelled at about Rick Steves.

• 29:38Fortune Feimster?

  He's on a bike in front of the Eiffel Tower in a, with a scarf.

• 29:42Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 29:44Fortune Feimster?

  Seventy years old.

• 29:46Tig Notaro?

  Well, please send some pictures.

• 29:47Fortune Feimster?

  I'm listening to, it's him.

• 29:48Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's still talking about.

• 29:50Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry.

• 29:51Tig Notaro?

  Rich Steves.

• 29:51Fortune Feimster?

  May, do we have, do you have plans? You know what you're doing?

• 29:54Tig Notaro?

  One pool in Portugal.

• 29:58Mae Martin?

  I'll be in the one pool. I'm, it's like, well, when you're a kid and you're flying with your parents, they're taking care of you. They're like, do you want a snack? You want your crayons?

• 30:06Tig Notaro?

  No, they weren't, but that's the week that they were for you.

• 30:09Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, Mom, what can I get you? Sit here, let me go get your stuff.

• 30:13Tig Notaro?

  See, we got dumped off of the airport with little pins on our shirt that said, American Airlines. And then, uh, anyway, but go on, your parents made sure you had things to eat.

• 30:24Mae Martin?

  Well, that'll, I was just saying, well, Fortune's saying that that'll be me this time. I'll be like, trying to make sure they're hydrated and, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're gonna go to Hot Springs. We're gonna go, we're gonna eat fish. We're gonna see if my dad's still allergic to cod. We'll find out.

• 30:39Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, do we want to test that? Do we want to test that in Portugal?

• 30:41Tig Notaro?

  Are you gonna see if you're still allergic to coconut?

• 30:44Mae Martin?

  I know that I am because I, because of that, that woman that I told. The lotion, yeah. And my hand got all red and funny feeling, because that woman put lotion on me.

• 30:56Tig Notaro?

  Well, speaking of lotion.

• 30:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:59Tig Notaro?

  In a crazy twist in life, I just got even, it's so funny that we were talking about this with, uh, meet and greets. I just got approached to revisit meet and greets for my next tour.

• 31:15Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow. I think you should do it.

• 31:18Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. Tig's not really a meet and greet kind of gal.

• 31:22Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. Maybe we should turn it to the, um, to the listeners. Like, should somebody like me do a meet and greet?

• 31:30Fortune Feimster?

  Well, they want to meet you, but the thing is, you want to meet them.

• 31:34Tig Notaro?

  I just don't want people grabbing my booty, you know?

• 31:38Mae Martin?

  Okay, well, what about if you?

• 31:39Fortune Feimster?

  Or your dumpster tits.

• 31:41Mae Martin?

  I'll come with you.

• 31:43Tig Notaro?

  Hey, off my dumpster tits, lady.

• 31:47Tig Notaro?

  You'll come with me?

• 31:49Mae Martin?

  I'll come on tour with you and then they can meet me after. I'll do the meet and greets.

• 31:52Fortune Feimster?

  May is good at meet and greets.

• 31:54Mae Martin?

  You do the shows and then I'll do the meet and greets. They can grab my booty.

• 31:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, look at that.

• 31:58Tig Notaro?

  That's perfect.

• 31:59Fortune Feimster?

  That is nice.

• 32:02Fortune Feimster?

  You can like, um, you can, uh, set it so that it's only a certain number.

• 32:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what I did.

• 32:08Fortune Feimster?

  Spending like a crazy amount of time on it.

• 32:11Tig Notaro?

  How long do your meet and greets last?

• 32:14Mae Martin?

  Me?

• 32:14Tig Notaro?

  Anybody.

• 32:16Mae Martin?

  I probably about, I put a cap on like 30 people and so it would, it would take a good hour, hour and a half because I was chatting a lot. You can't, you can't stop me.

• 32:24Fortune Feimster?

  That's, that's a long time. I think I kept mine up, I think I kept mine at 40. And it probably is about 45 minutes.

• 32:35Mae Martin?

  Whoa, in and out. So people are getting a minute.

• 32:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, they get a big hug though. And that's nice.

• 32:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:43Fortune Feimster?

  And I, and they get pictures hugging me and then, then the pictures together like this. I sign their little.

• 32:50Tig Notaro?

  You pull you the guns out?

• 32:52Fortune Feimster?

  They get a, what is this called?

• 32:55Tig Notaro?

  A bra?

• 32:56Fortune Feimster?

  Prudential?

• 32:57Tig Notaro?

  They get a VIP vibrator? Oh, Prudential.

• 33:00Fortune Feimster?

  And I sign it. Yeah. I mean, we're just efficient. I have a, a pretty amazing tour manager that keeps it.

• 33:08Mae Martin?

  See, I'm, I'm having, I'm talking about astrology. I'm talking, I'm getting deep with everybody. So it does take, it does take a while.

• 33:17Tig Notaro?

  Tigs will last 20 minutes. For 50 people.

• 33:22Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it moving.

• 33:23Tig Notaro?

  They just walk past me and I go, hi, nice to meet you.

• 33:26Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it moving.

• 33:28Tig Notaro?

  No, I, uh, yeah, it's, it's just an interesting thing to, um, to consider. And especially right after it came up after that Eureka Springs and the discussion we had. But, um, you know, I'll think about it. I'll see what our listeners say. Should I do a meet and greet? Maybe we could do a poll on social media.

• 33:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, let's get it going.

• 33:49Tig Notaro?

  Do a meet and greet as long as nobody touches my sweet, sweet booty.

• 33:54Fortune Feimster?

  Booty hole.

• 34:01Fortune Feimster?

  Don't touch Tig's booty hole when you're in Portugal.

• 34:07Tig Notaro?

  I was gonna say in Pakistan. One booty in Pakistan.

• 34:11Fortune Feimster?

  I got pulled over by the Portugal police.

• 34:14Mae Martin?

  You did?

• 34:15Tig Notaro?

  For swimming in the pool?

• 34:16Fortune Feimster?

  No, I was, uh, I guess, uh, I got in a speed trap. I went off the freeway to take a more scenic route.

• 34:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:26Fortune Feimster?

  And when I got off the freeway, they were just pulling people over left and right for speeding.

• 34:31Tig Notaro?

  Why were you speeding through a scenery?

• 34:34Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know what the speed limit was and it was-

• 34:37Tig Notaro?

  But shouldn't you be driving slower if you're looking at things?

• 34:40Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I was getting to the scenic route. I was on route to it and it was kinda scary because they pulled me over and I had to, they took my passport and left for like 45 minutes with it.

• 34:53Mae Martin?

  Whoa, that was scary.

• 34:55Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:56Mae Martin?

  What are you like when you get pulled over? Is that the only time you've been pulled over?

• 35:01Fortune Feimster?

  No, I've gotten pulled over a couple of times in my, in my life for speeding.

• 35:05Mae Martin?

  Do you get, do you get nervous?

• 35:07Fortune Feimster?

  I go, I'm sorry.

• 35:11Tig Notaro?

  Are you an aggressive driver, Fortune?

• 35:13Fortune Feimster?

  No, it's, um, no, it's just, in my life, I've maybe been pulled over four times.

• 35:21Tig Notaro?

  Uh-huh.

• 35:22Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think that's crazy.

• 35:23Mae Martin?

  No, that's not too bad.

• 35:24Fortune Feimster?

  Let's see, one, two, three, five times, five times.

• 35:28Tig Notaro?

  Wow, the fact that you can count.

• 35:31Fortune Feimster?

  I'm good at counting.

• 35:32Tig Notaro?

  I don't get pulled over much.

• 35:33Mae Martin?

  I'm good at counting.

• 35:34Tig Notaro?

  I don't get pulled over much because Stephanie does most of the driving.

• 35:39Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 35:40Fortune Feimster?

  And so she gets pulled over.

• 35:41Tig Notaro?

  And we've been together for 12 years, so that's really cut into my amount of woo.

• 35:49Fortune Feimster?

  I love driving.

• 35:50Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:51Fortune Feimster?

  I'll be the, I'll be the one that drives y'all around.

• 35:55Tig Notaro?

  And drives us crazy.

• 35:56Mae Martin?

  Wait, we haven't got our question yet.

• 35:58Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, May, we should get to it.

• 36:00Tig Notaro?

  Yes, let's do it.

• 36:02Mae Martin?

  I'm excited about this one. I mean, I always am. Let's be clear.

• 36:06Tig Notaro?

  Let's be clear.

• 36:07Fortune Feimster?

  Let's be queer and let's be clear.

• 36:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Today's question asker is an actor, comedian, and podcast host who's written for and performed on SNL since 2018. He hosts the hit podcast Last Cultureist, which is airing a culture award special on Bravo and Peacock on August 5th. I'm pumped about that. He starred in movies like Fire Island and Wicked. Bowen Yang is asking today's question.

• 36:30Tig Notaro?

  Woo, love him.

• 36:32Speaker 06

  Hi, Tig. Hi, May. My question is, what is your diner order? And what does that say about you?

• 36:42Mae Martin?

  What? Okay, let's unpack this.

• 36:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 36:48Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 36:48Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, that's the first time that's ever happened.

• 36:51Mae Martin?

  That is the first.

• 36:52Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 36:52Mae Martin?

  Let me say, I am so glad I wasn't the one left out. I would be spinning out.

• 36:59Fortune Feimster?

  I'm fine, you guys.

• 37:00Mae Martin?

  You don't have to pretend to be fine.

• 37:02Fortune Feimster?

  Leave me and my leaf blower alone.

• 37:03Mae Martin?

  You don't have to pretend to be fine.

• 37:05Tig Notaro?

  You go home and blow up your leaf blower and self-sue.

• 37:10Fortune Feimster?

  I, I'm sure he went to, in his head, he probably said it.

• 37:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, for sure. And you know what? I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll switch it out. You can pretend like he said your name and he didn't say mine.

• 37:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, that will help.

• 37:23Mae Martin?

  And so the question was, what's your?

• 37:24Fortune Feimster?

  I still love him. I still love him, though. He's so funny.

• 37:27Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 37:28Fortune Feimster?

  And his podcast, Last Cultureist, with Matt Rogers, is so funny. I don't know if you guys have listened, but.

• 37:35Mae Martin?

  So funny. And they've had everyone on it and they're hilarious.

• 37:38Fortune Feimster?

  And they have these great bits that they pull from it for social media, this I don't think so, honey moment, where for a whole minute, you rant about something and it's one of my favorite things to watch.

• 37:51Mae Martin?

  It is really good.

• 37:53Tig Notaro?

  That's great.

• 37:56Mae Martin?

  Wait, the question was, what's your diner order?

• 37:59Fortune Feimster?

  I, oh, okay. I didn't, I forgot what the question was because I was a little distracted.

• 38:04Mae Martin?

  Well, you were, you were freaking out. Let's be honest. We were all freaking out.

• 38:11Tig Notaro?

  I mean, you know, I have to say, I had a really classic diner order the other day, which I don't, I don't typically order this. But it was so good. And actually, when we were talking about cheese earlier and vegan cheese.

• 38:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:28Tig Notaro?

  I had a full on Beyond Meat burger with vegan cheese and onion rings.

• 38:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, onion rings.

• 38:38Tig Notaro?

  I love an onion ring. I love onion rings.

• 38:42Mae Martin?

  I love them, but also it's sometimes when the whole onion comes out of the, you know what I mean?

• 38:47Tig Notaro?

  Get a bigger problem, May. Get a bigger problem.

• 38:52Tig Notaro?

  I thought you were gonna say sometimes it's too crispy. I love a really crispy onion ring.

• 38:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, me too, me too.

• 38:57Tig Notaro?

  My God, dip it in ketchup? Get out of my way.

• 39:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. So I just had that order days ago.

• 39:05Mae Martin?

  Okay, that's pretty, that is classic. And do you have it with fries or salad or what?

• 39:10Tig Notaro?

  Onion rings, May.

• 39:11Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

• 39:15Fortune Feimster?

  But it is, there are some places that let you do half and half, half fries, half onion rings. And that is a real treat.

• 39:22Tig Notaro?

  What a generous restaurant that lets you do half onion rings.

• 39:26Fortune Feimster?

  For real. More people should.

• 39:29Tig Notaro?

  Why wouldn't they? You know what I love that's half and half that Stephanie still is like, what are you doing? I do half soups. Do you do those?

• 39:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 39:40Mae Martin?

  What do you mean?

• 39:41Tig Notaro?

  Where you have the bowl, you have them put half of one flavor of soup and then you have the other flight, you have them put the other half in and you do, you have a 50 50 bowl of soup.

• 39:53Fortune Feimster?

  Give us, give us two of your favorites together.

• 39:56Tig Notaro?

  Well, I mean, anything like lentil soup and tomato soup, you know?

• 40:00Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 40:01Tig Notaro?

  Anything, anything, anything, anything.

• 40:05Mae Martin?

  Is that a thing or you, or you just invented?

• 40:07Tig Notaro?

  No, it's, no, it's a thing. And it's, it's something you can do.

• 40:11Mae Martin?

  I'm trying to imagine like a chicken noodle with a tomato or something. That's crazy.

• 40:16Tig Notaro?

  Well, you don't always have to throw a tomato in there. Everything has to be part tomato, part something else.

• 40:23Fortune Feimster?

  That's a strong flavor.

• 40:25Tig Notaro?

  Tomato soup.

• 40:27Mae Martin?

  Chicken soup and lentil would be pretty good.

• 40:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like, I would have to go broth to broth, or cream to cream, but I don't know if I'd want to do like.

• 40:34Mae Martin?

  Broth to cream.

• 40:35Tig Notaro?

  You say this until you have it, and it's so delicious.

• 40:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I guess I'll have to try it at a Whole Foods one of these days. I want to be in charge of it. I don't want someone doing it for me.

• 40:47Tig Notaro?

  Why wouldn't you be in charge of it? Nobody's gonna like barrel over there at Whole Foods, be, excuse me, excuse me.

• 40:53Fortune Feimster?

  No, I'm saying if you like went to a restaurant, it was like, hey, can you give me half this? Then they're in charge of it. I would do this experiment at like a Whole Foods.

• 41:01Mae Martin?

  Right, where you're doing the amounts and the ratios and the ladling and, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you guys know that, um,

• 41:11Mae Martin?

  that diners, diners use, I was gonna say, I'll have what she's having or something, but then I couldn't think of how to say it.

• 41:18Fortune Feimster?

  Is that when Harry Met Sally?

• 41:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's my only diner reference, but I, I think they, that diners originated as train carriages. And they were called lunch cars.

• 41:31Tig Notaro?

  May fact, may fact.

• 41:33Fortune Feimster?

  You don't seem confident about this, May fact, though.

• 41:35Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 41:36Mae Martin?

  No, it's really coming from the deep recesses of my mind.

• 41:40Tig Notaro?

  May falls, may falls.

• 41:41Mae Martin?

  May falls. My diner order would be, um, a chicken schnitzel, mashed potatoes, gravy, and some steamed broccoli or something, but like, steamed so much that it's like mush almost, or peas, I love peas.

• 41:57Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, I love peas.

• 41:59Mae Martin?

  But also, I just, a classic breakfast, crispy bacon, rye toast, fried eggs, and, um, and a black coffee, drip coffee, that they're refilling. And then you pretend that you're in like the 50s and you're like a beat poet and that you're kind of hungover and you're like, uh, the $2.99 breakfast, please, you know, and you got your little notebook. Yeah.

• 42:20Tig Notaro?

  And do you roll your jeans up, your blue jeans up, cuff them at the bottom?

• 42:24Mae Martin?

  And you put your pack of cigarettes in your sleeve of your t-shirt.

• 42:28Fortune Feimster?

  I did eat at a diner with May when we had our live show in Austin.

• 42:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:32Tig Notaro?

  Thanks for inviting me.

• 42:34Fortune Feimster?

  Ordering like a king. I'll have one more of this and one more of that, add this. I was like.

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  Was I? Wow, cool.

• 42:40Fortune Feimster?

  Fancy May over here.

• 42:41Tig Notaro?

  Why wasn't I invited?

• 42:43Mae Martin?

  I think you already left.

• 42:44Fortune Feimster?

  I think we're flying out.

• 42:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:47Fortune Feimster?

  My flight got delayed.

• 42:49Mae Martin?

  But I had a hash brown, I remember that much. And it was tasty. I love a hash brown.

• 42:54Tig Notaro?

  I remember there was a diner when I lived in Denver that had like a fried fish sandwich. Like, you know, kind of like a McDonald's style, low rent, where it's like in a square and, you know, tartar sauce and,

• 43:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:10Tig Notaro?

  You know, I remember really liking that.

• 43:12Mae Martin?

  It's just so soothing, the atmosphere, because it's like you're out at a restaurant, but there's no airs and graces. It's like casual home cooking. You're like, the waiters are going to be friendly, like you're, I, it's a nice place to be. I could sit in a diner all day.

• 43:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I like a diner too.

• 43:32Fortune Feimster?

  If I'm going to a diner in the breakfast, I'm not really a breakfast for dinner kind of gal. I know some people love that. I, if I'm eating breakfast, I prefer in the breakfast hours. And I'm usually doing a hash brown, extra crispy. I'm doing like a, uh, one scrambled egg. I don't like it when they give me like three, because I know I'm not going to eat it and I don't like to be wasteful.

• 43:59Tig Notaro?

  Okay, I like your style.

• 44:01Fortune Feimster?

  And then I like either like one waffle or one pancake, something all sweet.

• 44:06Mae Martin?

  Right, yeah.

• 44:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:09Mae Martin?

  Have you been to Millie's on, on Sunset?

• 44:11Fortune Feimster?

  No, I don't know what that is.

• 44:13Mae Martin?

  Uh, that's a great diner-y breakfast place, but they do these waffles that are so fluffy and, and you can do like a, or you can do a single pancake.

• 44:22Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:23Mae Martin?

  Gluten-free blueberry pancake if you want.

• 44:27Tig Notaro?

  Do you remember when it was popular to have fat-free stuff?

• 44:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, that was big when I was a kid.

• 44:33Tig Notaro?

  It was so funny. Stephanie and I were just talking about that the other day, just people that were on fat-free diets, where they'd be like, they'd stock up on fat-free cookies and fat-free crackers and fat-free cheese and, and waffles and pancakes and it's.

• 44:52Mae Martin?

  But now we know fats are healthy and good, right? Like now we don't do fat-free. We do like gluten-free or like low sodium.

• 44:59Tig Notaro?

  World, any of that stuff is like, if you're getting serious about your health, you're not going to get like 10 boxes of fat-free cookies.

• 45:07Fortune Feimster?

  But that was the fat. I talk about it in stand-up right now. I had to go to a nutrition class and it was all about counting fat grams.

• 45:14Tig Notaro?

  When did you do that?

• 45:16Fortune Feimster?

  When I was 12.

• 45:19Fortune Feimster?

  My mom signed me up for a nutrition class.

• 45:22Tig Notaro?

  What did you learn?

• 45:23Fortune Feimster?

  Nothing.

• 45:24Tig Notaro?

  Like, nothing stuck with you?

• 45:26Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 45:27Mae Martin?

  Because it's probably all outdated now, too.

• 45:29Fortune Feimster?

  It was, yeah, it was like, it was counting fat rounds. It was like, and so they were just making foods. I joked that I went from eating Chips Ahoy cookies to Snack Wells. They just made other cookies that said fat free. So everyone was like, oh, well, these, I can eat these because they're fat free. And that meant nothing.

• 45:49Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 45:50Tig Notaro?

  That's what I used to think. I think I had a bit about that, too, with like Twinkie Lights is what they were called.

• 45:57Tig Notaro?

  And they were just like half the size of normal Twinkies. So I was like, okay, now I can have two. You know, it's just like.

• 46:04Mae Martin?

  Do you like Twinkies?

• 46:06Tig Notaro?

  I did as a kid. I haven't had them in decades.

• 46:09Mae Martin?

  I, they weren't really big in Canada, but we had Joe Louis', which are kind of the equivalent in that it's like a Thomas is nodding. It's like a, how would you describe it?

• 46:20Tig Notaro?

  Joe Louis?

• 46:21Speaker 07

  It's like a chocolate cake, like the consistency of kind of one of those like Little Debbie type cakes. And it has a vanilla inside.

• 46:31Mae Martin?

  And it's dipped in chocolate, but it comes like individually wrapped and it's, it never goes out of date, like it.

• 46:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 46:40Mae Martin?

  The last 20 years.

• 46:41Speaker 07

  I actually have a story.

• 46:44Mae Martin?

  Thomas, Thomas has a story.

• 46:46Speaker 07

  I'm gonna volunteer it because my mom, the last thing she ate.

• 46:49Tig Notaro?

  We'll edit all this out.

• 46:51Speaker 07

  We'll, we'll edit this out.

• 46:54Speaker 07

  The last thing she ate before she gave birth to me was a Joe Louis'. So my name was almost Joe Louis Willlet. Because we should name me Joe Louis.

• 47:05Tig Notaro?

  Joe Louis.

• 47:07Fortune Feimster?

  Do not look like a Joe Louis.

• 47:09Mae Martin?

  But it explains a lot. Like, that's such a joyful snack and the fact that, and they would have been in like a vending machine in the hospital or something, probably. And you have a joyful Joe Louis energy.

• 47:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:21Mae Martin?

  Who was the Joe Louis?

• 47:23Tig Notaro?

  I can morph your face into Joe Louis, no problem.

• 47:27Mae Martin?

  Who was Joe Louis chocolate?

• 47:30Fortune Feimster?

  Did Joe Louis work in a button factory?

• 47:33Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's a combination of

• 47:36Fortune Feimster?

  Hi.

• 47:36Mae Martin?

  of two of them.

• 47:37Fortune Feimster?

  My name is Joe.

• 47:38Mae Martin?

  Here we go. Oh, guys, interesting. It was a, well, you be the judge if it's interesting. It does not refer to the boxer Joe Louis. It's a combination of the names of two of the Vashon Sons. That's the company that made the snacks, Joseph and Louis. And then it said, the popular misconception arises because the cake resembles a chocolate version of the Mae West, which was named after the actress Mae West.

• 48:02Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 48:04Mae Martin?

  Anyway, you like that?

• 48:05Fortune Feimster?

  I love that. Loved it.

• 48:08Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear it again. Let's hear it one more time.

• 48:10Fortune Feimster?

  I loved it. Every second of it.

• 48:13Mae Martin?

  I would have bet my life that it was named after the boxer Joe Louis. So there you go.

• 48:17Fortune Feimster?

  I've never even heard of Joe Louis.

• 48:19Tig Notaro?

  I zoned out on all of this.

• 48:21Mae Martin?

  That's fair.

• 48:21Fortune Feimster?

  Tell you how dare you. If I'm going to a diner at night.

• 48:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, back to this.

• 48:28Fortune Feimster?

  I want a good, like, either a cheeseburger.

• 48:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 48:33Fortune Feimster?

  Or a club sandwich.

• 48:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes.

• 48:36Mae Martin?

  Oh, yes.

• 48:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh, a BLT.

• 48:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, there's something about that sourdough bread toasted at these diners. It's so good.

• 48:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:47Tig Notaro?

  And a vegan bacon in there.

• 48:50Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 48:50Fortune Feimster?

  And if they could give me half fries, half onion rings, I'd be real pumped.

• 48:55Tig Notaro?

  And 50 50 soup.

• 48:57Fortune Feimster?

  I either want crinkle cut fries or skinny fries.

• 49:00Mae Martin?

  Crinkle cut fries for me.

• 49:03Fortune Feimster?

  Skinny. I don't want the big fat fries. I don't want, I don't want curly fries and I don't want.

• 49:12Tig Notaro?

  I don't like Cajun flavor on the fries.

• 49:14Fortune Feimster?

  Me neither.

• 49:15Tig Notaro?

  I'm like, get that, stop it. Just stop it.

• 49:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 49:19Tig Notaro?

  Stop it.

• 49:20Mae Martin?

  I could do a little Cajun flave, but.

• 49:21Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 49:22Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want the orange ones.

• 49:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, when, when the dust all accumulates in one bit and then you have one that's way too flavorful.

• 49:30Tig Notaro?

  Hmm. Yeah. And then if I'm feeling really naughty.

• 49:34Speaker 00

  Tell us, girl.

• 49:36Mae Martin?

  Milkshake.

• 49:38Speaker 00

  Or cheesecake.

• 49:39Tig Notaro?

  Banana split. I mean, come on, you're already at a diner. Might as well get a banana split.

• 49:44Fortune Feimster?

  Go for it.

• 49:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:46Mae Martin?

  I'm not.

• 49:47Fortune Feimster?

  This makes me want to go to a diner.

• 49:48Tig Notaro?

  I haven't had a banana split in like 25 years and I don't know why I'm counting.

• 49:52Fortune Feimster?

  Banana milkshake with real bananas, though.

• 49:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, banana milkshake with real bananas. That is good.

• 49:58Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what do you mean, real bananas? There's not real bananas in banana?

• 50:02Fortune Feimster?

  Some people use the powder. It is disgusting. You need a real chopped up bananas in this milkshake.

• 50:08Tig Notaro?

  I've never heard of banana powder.

• 50:09Fortune Feimster?

  It's out there.

• 50:10Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's like, and it tastes like medicine. It's like, yeah, it's no good.

• 50:14Fortune Feimster?

  It's out there, baby boo.

• 50:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I love when you call me that.

• 50:21Fortune Feimster?

  That's all I want to call you now.

• 50:22Tig Notaro?

  I don't think I look like baby boo with my military haircut.

• 50:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, you do. I've seen that soft side. I've seen that soft side of you, baby boo.

• 50:32Tig Notaro?

  Well, there's always a soft side under, you know, tough guy, military head.

• 50:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I've seen G.I. Jane. There's a soft side.

• 50:40Fortune Feimster?

  I bet you guys have not watched this, the, um, the queer ultimatum on Netflix. Have any of y'all watched?

• 50:46Mae Martin?

  You bet wrong.

• 50:47Fortune Feimster?

  You've been watching it?

• 50:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, of course. I just started the new season.

• 50:51Fortune Feimster?

  It's pretty interesting.

• 50:53Tig Notaro?

  I've seen all of it.

• 50:54Fortune Feimster?

  No, you haven't.

• 50:55Mae Martin?

  No, you have it.

• 50:58Fortune Feimster?

  Do you take the, you want me, you want me to tell you what it is?

• 51:01Tig Notaro?

  Sure.

• 51:02Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's these, it's these, um, these lesbian couples. I don't know. There's maybe like seven, six of them. I don't know. And they give their partner an ultimatum. One person is giving their partner an ultimatum. We either get married or we break up. Yeah. And then they go on it on television as you do when you've been given an ultimatum.

• 51:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:28Fortune Feimster?

  And you meet these other couples that have also given ultimatums.

• 51:32Tig Notaro?

  Wait, I'm sorry. You're saying ultimatum or old tomato?

• 51:36Fortune Feimster?

  Old.

• 51:38Mae Martin?

  I almost spat.

• 51:40Fortune Feimster?

  Old, old tomatoes.

• 51:43Mae Martin?

  Old tomato.

• 51:44Fortune Feimster?

  No, the pre- please, can it be the old tomato queer edition? Old tomato queer edition.

• 51:52Tig Notaro?

  Cause I would be on the old tomato show. Like if I had to just grow tomatoes.

• 51:59Mae Martin?

  One member of the couple has given the other one an old tomato.

• 52:02Fortune Feimster?

  Older lesbian.

• 52:03Tig Notaro?

  I, yeah, I'll host the queer old tomato and then I'll give the winner an old tomato.

• 52:11Fortune Feimster?

  Everyone has to live on a farm.

• 52:13Tig Notaro?

  Uh, I'm in. Go on.

• 52:15Fortune Feimster?

  So then you mingle with all the other couples because what's gonna happen is you are going to pick someone from another couple to live with for three weeks and pretend to be married to them. Complete stranger. And then you do that for three weeks.

• 52:32Tig Notaro?

  You pretend?

• 52:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Mae Martin?

  And they go, well, you might, you might hook up with them, but you don't, you might not, you don't have to. These are people who are like about to maybe get married and then they go live for three weeks. So they all fall in love with their new partner.

• 52:45Tig Notaro?

  They do?

• 52:46Mae Martin?

  Oftentimes.

• 52:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like half of them do.

• 52:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, half of them hate each other.

• 52:51Fortune Feimster?

  And some of them have sex.

• 52:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they do.

• 52:53Fortune Feimster?

  Technically, you know.

• 52:54Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 52:55Fortune Feimster?

  Per the rules, they're broken up and then the other, but then the partner finds out and flips out. So I don't.

• 53:00Tig Notaro?

  Wait, why do they go on this show? I don't even understand why you would introduce this.

• 53:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:07Tig Notaro?

  Cause they wanna be famous?

• 53:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't think anyone's doing it because it's gonna help their relationship.

• 53:12Tig Notaro?

  That is, what is that on? I'm kind of curious.

• 53:16Fortune Feimster?

  It's on Netflix and it's.

• 53:17Tig Notaro?

  Why don't they have straight old tomatoes?

• 53:19Fortune Feimster?

  They do. Nick Lachey and his wife Vanessa host it. This is the gay, the lesbian version.

• 53:25Mae Martin?

  Hosted by a, let's be honest, a random straight woman who just looks real out of place. But you know, she does a good job.

• 53:33Tig Notaro?

  So a straight woman hosts the queer old tomato?

• 53:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and on the, on season one, there was a good moment where they were like, someone went, are you queer? To the host, one of the contestants, and she was like, no, I'm not.

• 53:46Fortune Feimster?

  She's so sweet, though.

• 53:48Mae Martin?

  She is. You should watch, um, season one, Tig. It's juicy.

• 53:50Tig Notaro?

  How many seasons are there?

• 53:52Fortune Feimster?

  Dose, my friend.

• 53:54Tig Notaro?

  And is it still being made? Or is it like something from the past?

• 53:57Mae Martin?

  No, it's, this just came out and the second season and.

• 54:01Fortune Feimster?

  It's pretty fascinating, don't you think, Meg?

• 54:03Mae Martin?

  It's gripping.

• 54:04Fortune Feimster?

  To see how these couples act.

• 54:06Mae Martin?

  Yes, it's gripping because you think, wow, I wonder if I was filmed, if my like, patterns would be that obvious. Like, like they're so easily psychoanalyzable, like, you know what I mean? You just see their communication breakdown and all the.

• 54:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Mae Martin?

  And I would be lying if I said that I, that I didn't ask my agent to ask if I could host it. I tried so hard.

• 54:29Fortune Feimster?

  I could see you hosting that.

• 54:31Mae Martin?

  I tried so hard.

• 54:32Fortune Feimster?

  They forget their partners in like two seconds, Tig.

• 54:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:35Fortune Feimster?

  It's wild.

• 54:36Tig Notaro?

  And they've been with their partners how long?

• 54:39Fortune Feimster?

  Anywhere from four years to 10 years.

• 54:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Sometimes they end up, sometimes, you know what, early on in the process, they say, actually, you know what? This is fucked. I want to be with my person and they, they leave the process or whatever. And, and often at the end of the process, they'll say, no, I wanted to leave with who I came with. But I'd say like 50% of the time, they're going, I have never felt this way about this new, this new person is amazing. Listen, I strongly feel people should not go on reality TV, so.

• 55:09Fortune Feimster?

  Well, because, because a, a new, like, it's impossible for, let's take the 10 year couple. It is impossible to compete with some new exciting thing that like you're doing for three weeks where you're the best versions of each other. You're telling each other all this amazing things. And then you got your old ball and chain, you know, with the, being a real bummer over there. It's like, of course they're gonna mess with your mind.

• 55:35Mae Martin?

  Of course, and you're, you're in this intense environment, you're, you're, which you're bonding over. It's all adrenalized and sexy and like.

• 55:44Tig Notaro?

  And now here's my question. It started, did the straight old tomato start or did the queer one start?

• 55:50Fortune Feimster?

  The straight started first.

• 55:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 55:53Mae Martin?

  So the straight one started. I watched it and I thought, this is so toxic. All these like heteronormative kind of this obsession with marriage and, and I thought, that's so straight. Then they did the queer one. It was 10 times as toxic.

• 56:06Fortune Feimster?

  It's pretty toxic.

• 56:09Mae Martin?

  It is. It's like more head fucky, more like, I don't know.

• 56:14Tig Notaro?

  Okay, I'm gonna watch this.

• 56:16Fortune Feimster?

  And here's definitely should watch it. It's so crazy too, cause like there's this one girl who's like, um, found out that her partner slept with the pretend wife or whatever. And she's like, I can't believe you would do this. And like, this is so crazy. You don't even love me. And, but she was also sleeping with her pretend wife. And I'm like, what are you doing?

• 56:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, this is gonna come out on TV.

• 56:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm like, they're gonna, they're gonna see what you did. So why is everyone pretending?

• 56:48Tig Notaro?

  How do you go home for the holidays after you do this? You know what I mean? Like after this is on reality TV, how do you head home for the holidays?

• 56:59Mae Martin?

  It's so explosive.

• 57:01Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, it's gonna be a little awkward.

• 57:03Mae Martin?

  I am always like.

• 57:04Fortune Feimster?

  I think they have, a lot of them break up, like even if they stay together, like that, at the end of the show, they basically have to decide, are you staying with your person or are you get going off with a new one?

• 57:14Tig Notaro?

  But I mean, go home for the holidays and see your extended family. You know what I mean?

• 57:19Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 57:20Tig Notaro?

  After you've created such a circus.

• 57:22Mae Martin?

  I know. I always.

• 57:23Fortune Feimster?

  I think they're thinking about that stuff, you know?

• 57:25Tig Notaro?

  I'd be thinking about the holidays.

• 57:27Fortune Feimster?

  You're not gonna, you also are not gonna go on a reality show, giving your wife an ultimatum.

• 57:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God. Oh my God.

• 57:36Mae Martin?

  I always feel like they, I'm like, do they, I don't think they, cause it's not like, these are seasoned reality stars going on these shows. These are young people, like I, from small towns off. And I'm like, do they give these people mental health support afterwards? Cause I don't think they know what they're getting into. And then I worry about, not to bring it down, but I do worry, I worry about their brains, you know?

• 57:57Tig Notaro?

  You didn't bring it down. Queer old tomato brought it down.

• 58:01Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 58:02Tig Notaro?

  But I'm like, I can't wait to watch.

• 58:04Fortune Feimster?

  I need a six year old, 50 to six year old version of old tomato.

• 58:09Tig Notaro?

  I have not been so excited to watch something since the Titanic came out.

• 58:14Fortune Feimster?

  I think you should start, I think you should start with season one.

• 58:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay, of course, why wouldn't I?

• 58:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and it is so fascinating because it's such a study of like, human behavior and like, you do think like, God, what would I do in this situation?

• 58:29Tig Notaro?

  Also, should we hear Bowen's question or answer?

• 58:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:36Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I needed to tell you all about that.

• 58:39Tig Notaro?

  I'm so glad you did.

• 58:40Speaker 06

  For me, it's scrambled eggs, plus bacon, hash browns or home fries, what have you, potato side, some rye toast. I think what that says about me is that I'm a little salty, but I've got different textures that contain multitudes. There's something for everyone. Or conversely, I love, if it's an option, a French onion soup, which means that I am again salty, but I'm cozy. I like cozy stuff. And I have a few key ingredients in my life that kind of take center stage, whatever that means. Okay, thanks, guys.

• 59:22Tig Notaro?

  You're welcome.

• 59:25Tig Notaro?

  Sorry, Bowen, that was some random person that just chimed in. You know what I also have to say I love at a diner is like, of course, it's a vegan butter, but like buttered toast with jam. I really love jam.

• 59:46Mae Martin?

  How about when you're a kid and you take, you take one of those little packets of jam and you put it in your pocket? And you leave, and you take it on the road, you know? And you feel like you really got one over on everyone.

• 59:58Fortune Feimster?

  I got some jam in my pocket.

• 1:00:01Tig Notaro?

  And I'm ready to rock.

• 1:00:03Mae Martin?

  Bowen was so funny on overcompensating, that Amazon show. But Bowen and Matt Rogers play a couple in it and they're, they're best friends in real life. And they are so funny as this couple who are on Grindr. And, and anyway, you gotta watch it. It's great.

• 1:00:18Tig Notaro?

  All right. Well, that was all over the place.

• 1:00:21Fortune Feimster?

  That was one of our more random bop in from.

• 1:00:25Tig Notaro?

  I was into it.

• 1:00:26Fortune Feimster?

  The most bizarre things, but what a treat.

• 1:00:30Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's all.

• 1:00:30Fortune Feimster?

  To be here with you guys.

• 1:00:31Tig Notaro?

  That's what our questions are supposed to do is just get us a thinking and chatting and it works. And if you enjoyed this episode, send it to a friend. I know I say that, but stop right now. Stop what you're doing right now. That's right. Stop.

• 1:00:47Mae Martin?

  What if, what if they're doing a surgery?

• 1:00:49Tig Notaro?

  Well, stop. Stop doing the surgery.

• 1:00:52Fortune Feimster?

  Stop what you're doing.

• 1:00:53Tig Notaro?

  Send this episode to a friend. Rate, review the podcast and also subscribe and then subscribe to our YouTube channel. Help us build the community so we can keep this precious pod afloat. Anyone have anything coming up?

• 1:01:12Mae Martin?

  Well, Fortune and I are gonna be in Montreal. I'm there, I'm doing a show the 25th and the 26th in Montreal at Just for Laughs. If there's still tickets, please come. And other than that, I'm just taking, taking a vacation. So check out my music on Spotify. My album's called I'm a TV. Yeah.

• 1:01:32Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna go do Pride, a Pride show in Reykjavik, Iceland. Come to that show on August 8th. And then my tours continuing in September, San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, Richmond, Virginia, DC, Boston, Portland, Maine, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, all these places.

• 1:01:55Tig Notaro?

  Wonderful. And I will be on August 17th, West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center in West Hampton Beach, New York. And then I will be at Provincetown Town Hall in P-Town on August 23rd. And then the Beau Rivage Resort and Casino in Biloxi, Mississippi on September 27th. I'm also working out new material at Largo Dynasty Typewriter and Comedy Bar, bouncing between LA and Toronto. So come check me out. Tignotaro.com for all the information. Also, let me know if I should do Meat and Greens. Curious what people

• 1:02:40Tig Notaro?

  will think. And until next time.

• 1:02:44Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 1:02:47Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 1:03:03Speaker 08

  What a podcast!

• 1:03:10Speaker 06

  That was a HeadGum podcast.

• 1:03:12Speaker 09

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:03:14Speaker 08

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:03:15Speaker 09

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 1:03:37Speaker 08

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:03:50Speaker 09

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:04:01Speaker 08

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.