Bridgerton, Bar Tabs & Baby Daddies w/ Chris Powell (CP)

Laci welcomes comedian Chris Powell, a.k.a. Comedian CP (How to Die Alone), to sip on the CONgregation’s tea. Yup, it’s another listener letter compilation, and the CONgregation is spilling all their tea. From wild experiences at the Bridgerton Ball fiasco, to roommates scamming landlords, faking deaths to dodge child support, and CP’s cunning way of paying for college. Keep the scams coming and snitch on your friends by emailing us at [email protected]. Stay schemin’! CON-gregation, catch Laci's TV Show Scam Goddess, now on Freeform and Hulu! Did you miss out on a custom-signed Scam Goddess book? Look no more, nab your copy on PODSWAG Follow on Instagram: Scam Goddess Pod: @scamgoddesspod Laci Mosley: @divalaci CP: @comediancp Curated by Jessica Cisneros

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:16Speaker 01

  in the nose, flu or fluke-like symptoms, joint pain or sore throat may occur. Carry on with fewer attacks, and ask your doctor about Extenture. Learn more at extenture.com, or call 1-833-393-3678.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  This is Zaren Burnett from Ridiculous Crime. You know what's ridiculous? How quickly you can go from being a completely normal sports fan to becoming a full-time investigator the second you make your picks on underdog. Before kickoff, I'm relaxed. Then my picks lock, and suddenly I need information. What's the weather? How strong is the wind? Who's injured? Why is this guy not getting the ball? Now I'm three feet from the television yelling, "Throw him the ball!" Like the quarterback has been waiting all afternoon for Zaren Burnett's expert analysis. He has not. But that's the fun of it. Once you make your picks, every ridiculous little detail suddenly matters. Every catch, every yard, every play. And you get to see Whether you were right or whether your entire theory falls apart spectacularly.

• 2:14Speaker 02

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• 2:58Laci Mosley?

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl Scam Goddess, AKA Lacey Mosley, back with another installment of the podcast all about robbery, fraud and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them. We find out along the way. We have a very special episode for you all today. So of course I'm very, yes, excited for a very special guest. Today we have an actor, writer and standup comedian on the show. You might've seen him on Detroiters, How to Die Alone, Black Jesus and Empire. He was selected to perform standup on HBO's All-Deaf Comedy and can be seen performing his standup all around town. Congregation, please welcome Chris Powell, AKA CP to the show.

• 3:42Laci Mosley?

  Anybody who got an alias, I'm like automatically like, are you a scammer?

• 3:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:51Laci Mosley?

  What's your relationship with scams? Do you love them? Do you hate them? Have you run some that you could talk about?

• 3:58Speaker 04

  First of all, I can't, I don't, I don't know nothing about nothing that's ever gone on, right?

• 4:05Speaker 05

  But like, but like, the first scams was like, let me ride your bike.

• 4:09Laci Mosley?

  Okay, how is that a scam? You just sharing a bike?

• 4:12Speaker 05

  Nah, nigga get on your bike, you'd never see him borrow that bike again.

• 4:15Laci Mosley?

  Oh damn. They just say, they said, let me ride it away into the sunset.

• 4:20Speaker 05

  See how trusting you were right there? What's wrong with that? You know, just let somebody borrow your bike. Even the scam goddess. You see what I'm saying?

• 4:29Laci Mosley?

  I've been getting scammed sometimes.

• 4:30Speaker 05

  Listen, they have come down into the world of benevolence. You know what I'm saying? They don't give a, they don't give a damn. They'll call your kids, be like, this is Mickey. Give me your parents' credit card number. Your kid be all in your motherfucking wallet, like, six, eight, three. You know what I'm saying? Like, they had to crap down into, this is Mickey.

• 4:52Laci Mosley?

  I'm fucked up. I'm in jail.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  I'm out here, I need to do a true back. Nobody give a fuck about Mickey, all the shit I did for those niggas. Mickey just be laying there, you think like, damn Mickey, how you doing?

• 5:06Laci Mosley?

  Alright, damn, nigga, I do. Since we start calling us niggas, it's like, nigga, you heard me.

• 5:12Speaker 05

  Fuck I say? Daffy motherfucking ass add-on.

• 5:17Laci Mosley?

  Let me ride your bike is crazy too, because they didn't say they were gonna return it. They didn't say, let me borrow your bike. They told you they were gonna steal it. They said, let me ride your bike.

• 5:27Speaker 05

  Don't let it be a moped. Don't let it be a moped.

• 5:29Laci Mosley?

  Oh no, they gone for good.

• 5:30Speaker 05

  Oh, nigga, come on, let me just get, come on, man. Let me just get out of my, aw, nigga, like, yeah, nobody gonna steal you. Go, nigga. Go.

• 5:39Laci Mosley?

  Mopeds are definitely

• 5:40Speaker 05

  You gonna change his life.

• 5:41Laci Mosley?

  Crime mobiles, cuz you can weave through traffic, you can get and go very quickly. You can snatch something out of somebody's hand and keep moped-ing, like.

• 5:50Speaker 05

  That's just, yeah, man, the hood did that. Mopeds was for delivering pizzas. You know what I'm saying? That's what the moped was for. You get you a moped, bam. Now you working at Domino's, meet me, straight down to the neighborhood. That was for delivering pizzas off the meet me. Now you, you know what I'm saying? Now niggas doing crime. Oh, that's what happens, man. Off the meet me.

• 6:10Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, this, we've had some scam stories where it was somebody who pulled up to the airport and was like, okay, give us the cash. And then they were on a moped and they they drove away on the moped and the moped or the cash was never seen again.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  Moped, man. Moped, moped and did moped. You know what I'm saying? The moped and did moped.

• 6:31Laci Mosley?

  Moped sponsored the show.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  In Jamaica, a moped, you know, like back on that, like, like that movie, Chats or something like that? All that we said, yeah, we got the machine, we got the moped, we can take over the politician.

• 6:45Speaker 04

  So we need to take the politician.

• 6:47Laci Mosley?

  Yo, maybe we need more mopeds in America in our protests, like we're gonna take over the politician.

• 6:54Speaker 04

  Man, he he take the politician, moped. Niggas get a moped, next thing you know, niggas doing moped, wheelies, yanking them bitches side to side, like, man, we got too much flavor, man.

• 7:06Laci Mosley?

  It turns into a Young Jock video immediately.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Yes. Look, basketball used to be chest passes, bounce passes and thumbs ups. That's all it was, nigga. Bah, good shot. That's all it was. Man, we got in that shit, the rest is history.

• 7:21Laci Mosley?

  Truly. But do you, have you ever been scammed yourself, CP?

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Man, on some real shit.

• 7:28Laci Mosley?

  The faces that you're making right now, like, I wish I could see him. He's like leaning back, looking up, like, something happens, what happened?

• 7:35Speaker 04

  Man, look, on some real shit, like, I don't, I haven't got scammed before, but I remember one time my mom got scammed. And they told her they was coming to take her to jail and all of this shit. She was just so scared. And then she was like, can I call my son? And they let her call me on three way. And you ever just listen to a nigga talk and be like, dog, you don't even have the fucking intelligence level to be the level of nigga, you know, since nigga like, uh, uh, that's right, and we gonna need some bitcoin, uh, because, uh, you know, uh, Trump got that whole, uh, crypto thing going on, so you know, that's popping. I'm like, nigga, that's popping. He's like, yeah, I'm a sergeant. If y'all don't pay it, I was like, man, my hang up on this thing. And it was just so, he had her on the phone for an hour. When she called me, talking about she was going to jail and.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  So I don't know, you know, it's just like, uh, yeah, man, my mom is, she's so easy, poor baby.

• 8:26Laci Mosley?

  Listen, she likes to follow the law. I, that scam is so rampant, but it never makes sense to me because when people are getting arrested, the cops are never like, hey, just a heads up, um, we are gonna arrest you at three forty-five. So just go ahead and have those hands up for the cuffs. Like, no, they pull up on you, like they kick down the door, they surprise you, like no one's getting a heads up from the police.

• 8:50Speaker 04

  You can avoid, right, you can avoid this if you got fifteen hundred dollars.

• 8:54Laci Mosley?

  Right, you know how Trump got that coin, how, now they're using the Trump meme coin.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  What?

• 8:59Laci Mosley?

  We will accept Melania coin as well, but, um, we're gonna need that in the next hour where you go into the clink.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  My mama can't do no, my mama can't do no time, poor baby, she's like, I can't do thirty-five days. I can't do thirty-five days, I'm like.

• 9:13Laci Mosley?

  What an arbitrary amount of time.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  Who gives somebody thirty-five days, though? That's just crazy. Yeah, they gave your ass seven business weeks, like, what's going on?

• 9:23Laci Mosley?

  What's going on? Like, they like, or, or go to Walmart and, and get some gift cards and scratch them off and then read them back and then we won't come take you to prison, but that's the only way. You know, that reminds me of, um, I didn't talk about it on the show, but those Louisiana prisoners who escaped, did you hear about that?

• 9:43Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah, finessment of the century.

• 9:47Laci Mosley?

  Like, there literally were people like having like bets, they're like, and when a prisoner got caught, they'd be like, man, he fucked up my parlay. I'm like, y'all are really betting on these prisoners getting caught.

• 9:58Speaker 04

  You ever hear back in the day, people were saying that jail can't hold me? Some people were serious.

• 10:04Laci Mosley?

  Some people were serious.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  Jailho me.

• 10:06Laci Mosley?

  They were like, no, you can't.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  Jailho me? Yeah, man, these, man, I, man, look, I don't want them to be out here kidnapping people and, you know what I'm saying? But it's like, man, just for the ones that's in there that don't need to be in there.

• 10:19Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 10:20Speaker 04

  And it ain't fair. I want somebody to, you know what I'm saying? Like, somebody need to just, you know.

• 10:25Laci Mosley?

  We need a jailbird with a harrowing story that we can get behind. Uh, well, speaking of people in the streets doing crime or reporting on crime, let's get into our segment today. So I told y'all, we will read your listener letters on certain episodes. Today is a listener letter episode and I'm just going to get CP's feelings, his advice, all of that, all throughout. As you all know, snitch on your friends, your family and your enemies at [email protected]. Just make sure the scam is retired because we don't want to what? Yes, fuck up your bag. So for this first listener letter, I just need a fake name from you, CP.

• 11:10Speaker 04

  Janice.

• 11:11Laci Mosley?

  Janice, okay. So Janice says, this is a small scam I witnessed. Not your snitching, Janice, I love him.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Everybody gotta say what they saw, go ahead.

• 11:22Laci Mosley?

  Janice says, okay, so boom, all right, Janice, we know you black. Because anybody who starts a sentence with, okay, so boom, we know where you black. So, okay, so boom, I used to go to a salsa dancing, I used to go salsa dancing at this restaurant slash club slash bar, didn't we all? The room with the real bar setup had the salsa DJ, but the room with the bachata dancing DJ was an event space where the bar was set up in the kitchen window. Okay, so in one room of this bar slash club slash restaurant, they actually had the DJ and the, there was a physical bar that you could go to.

• 12:03Laci Mosley?

  And then Janice is saying that in another room, it was also could be an event space. They doing a lot with this building and the bar was set up in the kitchen window. So it was like, you just went up to the kitchen window and you were like, hey, can I get a Long Island I C? Like, okay, this already sounds scammy because why y'all got so many establishments in one establishment? Like, I feel like I could also get a haircut in here, like, it's giving.

• 12:28Speaker 04

  This is a good place to buy color contacts and weird shit like that.

• 12:31Laci Mosley?

  Right. Y'all are, y'all are doing a little too much over there.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  If y'all gotta swap me, just say that. I don't understand why y'all gotta even play like it's not a convention, like it's not.

• 12:42Laci Mosley?

  It's also given Atlanta, because Atlanta love to have a bar slash lounge slash hookah spot slash restaurant.

• 12:49Speaker 04

  Car wash.

• 12:51Laci Mosley?

  Car wash.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  Barbershop.

• 12:53Laci Mosley?

  Come here and get it all. Get everything you need.

• 12:57Speaker 04

  It'd be a daycare in there. Like, why is my daughter washing rims?

• 13:01Laci Mosley?

  That's school activity today. That's recess.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:04Laci Mosley?

  They gonna get these rims clean.

• 13:07Laci Mosley?

  So, people were crowded in the window ordering drinks and the bartenders would have to turn their backs on us in order to get alcohol and run our card payments. The guy who was in front of me ordered a couple of drinks and the bartender made them, then gave him the drinks and took his card. The bartender turned around to run the card and I watched him while I waited to go next. I could see the bartender had gotten an error message, then he reran the card. When the payment didn't go through a second time, the bartender turned back around to ask for a different card. Again, there's a crowd at this bar, window, kitchen, club, hookah, steak restaurant, car wash. So, he's looking for the guy, and now I'm looking for the guy, and the guy is nowhere to be found.

• 13:50Laci Mosley?

  Turns out, the card was empty or fake, like the ones you get in the mail when they want you to sign up for a card. Like, have you ever gotten one of those where it's like you've been pre-approved and they send you a fake plastic card?

• 14:01Speaker 04

  Man, what, what you talking about, man? First time I ever got one of those, I went straight to the bank. Yeah, this check said I got ten millions, so.

• 14:08Laci Mosley?

  It's always a fake check in there, too.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 14:11Laci Mosley?

  This could be yours.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  When those first came out, that was hell for people. People, people really thought it was a lick.

• 14:17Laci Mosley?

  Especially if you really needed some coin and you saw a check-shaped envelope, you would be like, hell, yeah, and I would open it, look at the check, it's watermarked. It was usually, it was like usually orange.

• 14:28Speaker 04

  You didn't got the kids ready. We, we going grocery shopping. Soon as we leave the bank, all they gotta do is like.

• 14:35Laci Mosley?

  So he used one of those fake plastic cards. That guy got free drinks that night. Have you witnessed someone do something like this before? I'm just glad they didn't associate me with that man because I was not about to pay for anyone else's drinks. Yes, you should not be paying for nobody's drinks at the club, restaurant, car wash.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Hey, I ain't gonna lie to you. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one, Alki. That was a good one, Alki.

• 15:01Laci Mosley?

  See, when I used to bartend, people would come in and pay with fake twenties. And when I was new in the game, I didn't know how to see a fake dollar bill, like, and our restaurant was a dive. So it wasn't like we had the little pins where you can like swipe the bill to see if it's fake. They actually taught us to like rub the bill. And they're like, there should be ridges right here. And there should be, it's not supposed to be smooth like this. And then flip it over and you should see a symbol and the, and the illuminati sign and everything. And we were like, okay, so that's how we had to check the money. It was like, hold it in light, rub it.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  That's crazy. But I mean, yeah, that does work. Like, a lot of these bills is like, have a transparent strip on them. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. What I'm always impressed with is the amount of scam for the reward. Right? It's like, that, that whole setup was to get two drinks, just to get like, you know how much of a drunk you gotta be to go suck them two quick ass drinks down and sneak out the bar? And like, you know what I'm saying? Got two more bars to hit. Like, you just like, that's what you do. That's crazy. Like.

• 16:03Laci Mosley?

  For all we know, that person has a plethora of dead cards and they just go to places like this.

• 16:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, they just go places and just go crazy.

• 16:10Laci Mosley?

  It's giving your picture on the wall.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 06

  Cash flow crunch? OnDeck's small business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds up to $200,000 right when you need it. Cover seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Sponsored by GSK, the makers of Extenture, Depomocamab ULAa. If your asthma keeps interrupting.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  It may be time to try something else. Extensure is an ultra-long-acting prescription-maintenance treatment for severe asthma, eosinophilic type, ages 12 and older. It isn't for sudden breathing problems. Extensure is the first and only add-on treatment that can help deliver protection from asthma attacks with two doses a year. Just one dose every six months. That's a lot of time for everything in between. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. Don't change or stop medicines, including steroids, unless told by your doctor. Report if you have a parasitic infection. Common colds, sinus infection, inflammation in the nose, flu or fluke-like symptoms, joint pain or sore throat may occur.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Carry on with fewer attacks and ask your doctor about Extensure. Learn more at extensure.com or call 1-833-393-3678.

• 17:48Speaker 07

  This is the moment, baby. This is the moment we separate the dogs from the boys. And if you ask me, I only got one question. Do you got that dog in you? Because it's never about the winners or the losers, but it is about the difference between those brave enough to put some action on the game and those who just want to watch from the sidelines, eating off-brand pizza rolls. So sit down, lock in those pics, and trust that dog in you, underdog. At least your dog. Terms may apply.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  I always respected the people who stole expensive clothes and then could sell them in the hood for a little cheaper. That was like, to me, those was like the hero scammers. Like, man, thank you, man. My mom was not trying to spend X, Y, Z on that shit, but we'd throw you a hundred for the coat, you know what I'm saying?

• 18:37Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, when it falls off the truck.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah. So that was like, to me, man.

• 18:43Laci Mosley?

  My first hairdresser when I got to LA, she was always like, she was a really good hairdresser, but then sometimes she would be going to jail and I couldn't get my hair done. And I was like, man, she's like, you in jail again? Like, I need my weave. But everybody who would come through there was like scammers. And so they would come through and they'd be like, hey, who wanted those new Guccis? I got those, I got this, I got that. And I was like, oh, are you like a seller? Like a store or something? And you're just dropping them off? And she was like, oh, no, girl, I stole all this. I was like...

• 19:13Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 19:14Laci Mosley?

  And she was like, here are the tips. You don't ever go in to buy a purse, because then they want to check ID. But anything else is fair game. And I was like, have you ever gotten caught doing it?

• 19:24Speaker 04

  How they get out with this shit?

• 19:26Laci Mosley?

  That's what I asked. She was like, I've only gotten caught once and they tried to take the card and I just snatched it out of their hand and ran out the store.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  Oh, so she doing it off other people's cards?

• 19:38Laci Mosley?

  Cloning people's cards.

• 19:41Laci Mosley?

  But she says it doesn't work on purses because they check ID, but everything else, you're good to go.

• 19:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's weird. I wonder why they check ID on purses. You ever think about that?

• 19:49Laci Mosley?

  It's because it's more expensive.

• 19:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess.

• 19:52Laci Mosley?

  Like a designer purse is typically more expensive than a designer T-shirt.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, but like, so you know, it's some Gucci shoes that could probably be like eleven hundred. You know what I'm saying? You feel me? That's crazy. Yeah, man, but I love people who get shit like that. That's like, that's the real Robin Hood to me.

• 20:09Laci Mosley?

  It really is.

• 20:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, those are.

• 20:11Laci Mosley?

  Like, who really got hurt here? Gucci? They'll be fine. They'll be just fine. So, our second listener letter here, I need a fake name for.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  Uh, Herbert?

• 20:21Laci Mosley?

  Herbert. Herbert says, hello, Lacey. Back when I was in college, I spent most of my time at my then-girlfriend's house, probably to the annoyance of her roommates, but lesbians are going lesbian. All right, Herbert.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  Damn, Herb.

• 20:38Laci Mosley?

  Have you ever had a roommate?

• 20:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, hello, yeah, in college.

• 20:43Laci Mosley?

  Did they date anybody?

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah. I remember when nine eleven happened. It was like my first week of college.

• 20:50Laci Mosley?

  Okay, this just took a turn.

• 20:52Speaker 04

  It was my first week of college, but I remember I woke up, my roommate.

• 20:56Laci Mosley?

  I asked you if you have roommates and if they dated and you said, I remember when nine eleven happened.

• 21:01Speaker 04

  I'm about to tell you.

• 21:02Laci Mosley?

  Please make it make sense.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  I'm about to tell you. And so it was, it was my first roommate was a white boy. I went in blind. It was Michigan State. So it was like a lot of white people up there. And he was, he was dating this big old, big old fat white girl. And he was big old fat too, but I looked over and she was naked and a big old ass. And she was like, we're under attack. Under, and then that's when I found out that, that the plane is here. I was like, what the fuck?

• 21:27Laci Mosley?

  That's how you found out about nine eleven?

• 21:28Speaker 04

  That's how I found out about nine eleven. I woke up, looked over, saw a big ass, little crack too. There's a lot of back and ass around it with the crack.

• 21:37Laci Mosley?

  Jesus. The description, I don't need this. I asked you if you had a roommate and now we're talking about not naked nine eleven alerts.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  It was like, hey Peter, huh, I'm sorry.

• 21:49Laci Mosley?

  CP, I asked you if you had a roommate, so was the roommate and the girlfriend staying over a lot?

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, she was always, but you know, it's like.

• 21:57Laci Mosley?

  Did it bother you at all?

• 21:59Speaker 04

  Uh, I mean, I was barely there, you know what I'm saying, or you know, you in college, man, you just come home to sleep. You walk in, you know, whatever. I was, you know, I was on a ziggy boom freshman year. I was lit. So I was, you know, that was just a place to have my shit at for real.

• 22:14Laci Mosley?

  Well, our reader Herbert here was staying with their lesbian partner, even though the roommates really, really weren't feeling the vibe.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 22:26Laci Mosley?

  So, one of her roommates was the kindest person I've ever met. So I was totally surprised to watch her run a scam on the landlord. Typical college kids, all of us miss having pets, but the roommate really, really wanted to get a pet. Guess what pet the roommate wanted?

• 22:45Speaker 04

  A ferret?

• 22:46Laci Mosley?

  You're so close, a rat.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  Aw, man.

• 22:50Laci Mosley?

  That's not a pet.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Hell, no, there ain't no pet, damn.

• 22:53Laci Mosley?

  I want a pet roach.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, come on, dog.

• 22:58Laci Mosley?

  You wildin'.

• 22:59Speaker 04

  Somebody wanna look at no rat all the time.

• 23:01Laci Mosley?

  No, I don't wanna see rats ever. Rats see me. It's never an invitation. They just pull up.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 23:08Laci Mosley?

  So, I didn't get it at the time, but a few of us were sure the landlord would say no, just based on the vibes that people have with rats. Yeah, I think the landlord was saying no just because rats.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  Right.

• 23:22Laci Mosley?

  Like typically, that's not very sexy for a building, is to have rats.

• 23:27Speaker 04

  And it just doesn't send the right message, you know what I'm saying? What if, what if, what if the rats start screaming and then a bunch of other rats come to the screen and the rat just starts calling the rats? And the rats just everywhere like. Hey, yo, rat.

• 23:37Laci Mosley?

  The rat throwing a house party.

• 23:39Speaker 04

  And the rats are overcoming the house, chew the wires up, chew all the TVs up, and chew all the snacks.

• 23:44Laci Mosley?

  Cause rats are very entitled.

• 23:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, rats, rats don't give a damn.

• 23:48Laci Mosley?

  Their subway.

• 23:49Speaker 04

  Man, I was walking my dog and a rat ran across our feet and my dog just looked at me. I never seen my, you'll see a dog's ears go back crazy, like. That rat scared the shit out of my dog, man, I understand. I ain't, nobody want no beef or no rat.

• 24:01Laci Mosley?

  Don't nobody want no rats. We not inviting rats. They are unwanted guests.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  They are unwanted pets for real.

• 24:08Laci Mosley?

  When I first moved to L.A., I was, I was kinda broke. And we were looking for apartments and we saw one that had really good rent. And was in the area we wanted and everything, and it was open. So we were like, oh, let's go visit it. It was a two-bedroom. We got there, we looked around. I always open all the cabinets. I highly encourage you, if you're renting, just to open the cabinets. Make sure you don't see no droppings. Make sure you don't see anything like that. And so I opened the cabinets. Everything looked on the up and up. And I asked the landlord, I was like, okay, well, do you guys have any like roaches or rodents and things like that? And he was like, no, no, no. No, we don't have roaches. We don't have rodent. But if you leave crumb, roaches will come.

• 24:51Laci Mosley?

  And I said, crumb? A crumb? A singular crumb? And then the roaches come? Y'all got roaches?

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Right. But if you leave crumb. Basically, what it's saying is, there's no rodents in here right now.

• 25:05Laci Mosley?

  Right now?

• 25:05Speaker 04

  But if y'all move in, start cooking, oh, roaches will come for sure.

• 25:09Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  Roaches, you know, like, they, they, they do love this place, man. They love it in here, man.

• 25:17Laci Mosley?

  It was just so funny to me. He was really trying to sell it. And I was like, sir, we will not take this place. But thank you so much for being honest.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's wild.

• 25:26Laci Mosley?

  Cause he could've just said, no, no roaches. But he was like, you leave crumb, roach come.

• 25:33Laci Mosley?

  Apparently, we're going back to Herbert. Apparently, though, having a pet rat is actually a really good way to not get wild rats. Because they're real territorial. So if they smell the pet rat, they'll keep away. So apparently, a pet rat.

• 25:48Speaker 04

  Okay, so it's the opposite of what I said then?

• 25:50Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. I thought, I was on your side. I thought the rat would throw a party called a Ratatouille and all of them, Mickey, and they would all slide.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, don't let it be a girl rat. She cute as hell in her, in her little private school. You know, got a family, and you just a street nigga rat, just out here just doing your thing, like, trying to figure your shit out. And you meet her, and it's like, you know. I met this little just, named Tanika.

• 26:13Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 26:16Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying?

• 26:18Laci Mosley?

  Herbert says the rat fever would die down after a week or two. But then a rescue rat came through our local animal shelter, so it was go time. So this roommate wrote up a nice little email to the landlord, asking if she could adopt a small caged animal, like a hamster. The landlord emailed back, sure, and never even added pet rent to the total rent. The roommate got her rat and all of us learned a valuable lesson. The poor. We all learned a valuable lessons about the importance of vagueness.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  Herbert, shut up.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Man, look, you know how long black people been doing that? You know how long I was five to get into the amusement park? Till I was ten. I was five till I was ten.

• 27:07Laci Mosley?

  At one point you were five. We didn't talk about today's five.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  Right, right, exactly. Yes, I'm five plus some other things. I identify as five.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, identify as five. What? Diaper, wang wang. That's me.

• 27:23Laci Mosley?

  What is a senior citizen? What do we define that as?

• 27:27Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:28Laci Mosley?

  I identify as a senior citizen when I go to the movies.

• 27:32Speaker 04

  I have definitely seen, I've, I've seen your citizens, right? I, I am a person who has seen your citi- I've seen your.

• 27:41Laci Mosley?

  Seen your citizens.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  I've seen your citizens. Yeah, you said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen your citizens. I've seen a citizen, senior citizen.

• 27:50Laci Mosley?

  I've been a senior in college, in high school, and I'm a citizen.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:55Laci Mosley?

  So what are you talking about?

• 27:57Speaker 04

  Flat out.

• 27:58Laci Mosley?

  All right, I need another fake name. This one looks fun.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  Uh, Jermaine. Well, wait, is it a dude or a girl? Because sometimes I don't want to.

• 28:07Laci Mosley?

  Gender doesn't matter here.

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Okay, that's cool. Jermaine then.

• 28:11Laci Mosley?

  Jermaine.

• 28:13Laci Mosley?

  Jermaine says, "Hey, Lacey girl. Long story short, but I got Wonka'd, but Bridgerton style." So if you guys don't remember, um, there was a Willy Wonka event that went super duper viral. It even ended up on SNL. They were on red carpets and stuff during award shows. But at this event, it was supposed to be like Willy Wonka land. There was supposed to be like chocolate everywhere and all of this stuff and bring your kids. And it was the most bootleg, ridiculous scam that happened in a warehouse. There was this one Oompa Loompa who looks like this was her last resort in life. And they were handing out pieces of candy, like they said all the kids were gonna get candy.

• 28:56Laci Mosley?

  They were giving them pieces of like raw candy out of a bag. You could only have like one or two.

• 29:04Laci Mosley?

  If you don't remember, we'll put some photos in the, uh...

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Uh, look at the backdrop, not the Candyland backdrop.

• 29:10Laci Mosley?

  The Candyland backdrop, that looks like a Candyland shower curtain that somebody hung over a rod. And it's still folded. They didn't even iron it.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, they didn't even, or at least hit that steamer on it just so it could give you a little bit of...

• 29:22Laci Mosley?

  Put the steamer on it of something.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  Of something. And then also too, like straighten out them edges, cause it's like it's sinking in, like a, you know what I'm saying?

• 29:29Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they said they promised photo shoots, so this is the backdrop for the photo shoots. We've got our sad girl here in her green wig. This was a whole hot mess.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Well, you can see that this was, this, this was her husband's idea and she been, she so sick of going along with his bullshit and she's just like, man.

• 29:49Laci Mosley?

  They had some like Christmas decoration candy canes, just a few. It was really sad. So Jermaine says that, so long story short, in May, there was an advertised Bridgerton themed ball event in Detroit. I heard about this. It was supposed to be at a historic castle building downtown with dinner, drinks, live music, live performances, dances, carriage rides, games, as well as a chance to win $2,000 in cash for best dressed. And people love Bridgerton. Richardson, it really was cannon. Like Shawna did her big one. And so I could get why people wanna dress up and pretend they're in the olden times, especially black people. Cause you know they were not letting us up in them balls.

• 30:34Speaker 04

  Hell no. That's funny.

• 30:37Laci Mosley?

  So I wanna go somewhere and do a hand dance with somebody, like we just touch hands and go in a circle. Like that looks so classy. Like I love the twerk, but I would love to just touch hands and.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Oh man, I love a good twerk.

• 30:50Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  But then they have still touching hands.

• 30:52Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 30:59Laci Mosley?

  And Richardson was like famous for remixing like popular songs. Like it would be like, thank you, next. But are we on strings like?

• 31:10Laci Mosley?

  And so I'm like, I would love to hear like back that ass up.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Can you imagine like a fairy godmother?

• 31:16Laci Mosley?

  We're doing it for the nine nines and the two thousands.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. That same voice.

• 31:25Laci Mosley?

  And then I'm hand dancing, like that sounds fantastic.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  And they had a big ass bird cages under their dress. And then they, and then they, uh, and then they switched it up and do, do the gorilla.

• 31:36Laci Mosley?

  It's seven P M. Friday. It's ninety-five degrees.

• 31:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:42Laci Mosley?

  I ain't got no nigger and no nigger ain't got me.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

• 31:48Laci Mosley?

  Yep. I'm about to show my ass.

• 31:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, and they out there, and they out there acting a fool.

• 31:55Laci Mosley?

  Yes, but I wish it still be the hand dancing.

• 31:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's alright.

• 31:59Laci Mosley?

  So Jermaine says, so boom, another black person. The event was supposed to be August twenty-fifth, but five hours after sending a reminder email, we got an email announcing the event was being rescheduled. This email came in at eleven P M. So eleven P M. the night before you're supposed to be at the ball, they were like, actually, we have to reschedule it. So on August 24th, they sent an update with a new date and location. No refund options, just a credit for a future event. So if you couldn't go on August 24th, but you could go on August 25th, you don't get a refund.

• 32:36Speaker 04

  Right.

• 32:37Laci Mosley?

  You just get a credit to the next party. I've never heard of parties doing stuff like that.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  I've never heard of that either.

• 32:44Laci Mosley?

  No, we got you for the next function. So this is going, but the next function, we got you.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Hey, I ain't gonna lie, that's, that's, that's, oh man, that's just so.

• 32:53Laci Mosley?

  That's like if I go to the club and I pay to get in and they're like, oh, we got capacity. But, uh, next time you wanna come shake your ass, come on in. Like, what?

• 33:04Speaker 04

  No refunds, it's wild.

• 33:06Laci Mosley?

  After it was canceled slash rescheduled, the news got a hold of it. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt. I know, please don't drag me in the, uh, and the organizer blamed the venue. So Jermaine said, the organizer was like, it was the venue, y'all. We still gonna do the function. And Jermaine was like, you know what? I believe you and I'll be there. So, and it says the news got a hold of it. There's a hyperlink here. Are we gonna see something?

• 33:33Speaker 08

  Being carried into her client's new Detroit home is the only action Terry Burch's Bridgerton ball gowns are going to be seeing.

• 33:39Speaker 09

  This was my other option.

• 33:41Laci Mosley?

  Okay, that dress doesn't really look like it was giving.

• 33:43Speaker 08

  Same for Dolores Parsons and her ornate custom-made gown.

• 33:47Laci Mosley?

  Oh, these are like older people.

• 33:50Speaker 08

  Dolores's niece is Terry's client, all share a few things in common. A love for the show Bridgerton and a flair for dressing up. So when this Detroit Bridgerton themed ball came on their radar, they grabbed some tickets.

• 34:01Speaker 10

  We were all looking forward to it. We all had bought our fancy clothes, our shoes. Got my nails done, I went overboard.

• 34:08Speaker 09

  Yeah, it was an opportunity to kind of indulge in a fantasy. People were actually sending them to me from all over. This is happening in your city, you know, from Pennsylvania, from Canada, from the West Coast.

• 34:20Speaker 08

  But that ball didn't happen. Instead, ticket holders got this email at 11:00 PM the Thursday before, saying there's suddenly.

• 34:26Laci Mosley?

  Pause it. So this is the email that they sent out with the rescheduling. Dearest gentle reader, we hope this message finds you in splendid spirits as we await the momentous occasion of our Bridgerton themed ball. Your enthusiasm in procuring tickets warms our hearts and we can hardly contain our excitement to celebrate with you. However, we must convey some unforeseen news. That it's regrettably out of our control due to circumstances that have arisen with great suddenness. We find ourselves in a position of needing to reschedule our delightful affair to a later date. I love how they wrote this cancellation letter in like lady whistle now.

• 35:12Laci Mosley?

  I'm not gonna read the rest of it, but.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  They were committed. They were committed to making sure you had that little experience. You know what I'm saying? Like that's like then they were like, isn't that the same? Refundings would inevitably be unavailable. It's like, damn, man.

• 35:28Laci Mosley?

  The refundment of your funds is prohibited.

• 35:33Speaker 04

  All the, all the women read, read the letter just like that.

• 35:36Laci Mosley?

  Of course they did. And the men too, I'm sure. So, fast forward to September 22nd, the new event date. I don't even know where to start, but I will say people looked so good. Detroit really showed out. I'm not gonna lie, I was hating a little bit on Detroit. I was like, y'all in Detroit, you really thought that they was gonna bring the Bridgerton ball to It's So Cold in the D?

• 35:58Speaker 04

  Well, I'm in Detroit right now. Don't do that.

• 36:01Laci Mosley?

  It's so cold in the D.

• 36:04Speaker 04

  How the fuck do we post a key?

• 36:08Speaker 04

  Hey, man, listen, listen, listen. She was telling her story. You know what I'm saying? I don't know what to tell you. But yeah.

• 36:13Laci Mosley?

  You said it's just hers, it's singularly hers?

• 36:15Speaker 04

  That's her story, man. You know what I'm saying? It's more on a nigga mind than working and doing crime.

• 36:22Laci Mosley?

  But you not doing crime.

• 36:24Speaker 04

  Exactly, at all.

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• 39:10Laci Mosley?

  So no schedule was sent until 1pm the day of. Doors were supposed to open at five with the event dinner starting at six. The doors didn't open till six. I got in the building around 6:45. There was a crowd of people, but I walked right in. No security or anyone to scan my ticket. Damn, they didn't pay for security in Detroit? Also, you could have just showed up apparently cuz.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  Anybody, anybody gonna rob none of them Bridgerton living there? You gotta be a scoundrel to run up in there and all them big dresses and bird cages. You gotta be a scoundrel.

• 39:45Laci Mosley?

  That's true, that's true. And these old ladies, no, no, no, we don't rob the old ladies.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  And they no security, other than for them to stop fighting each other.

• 39:53Laci Mosley?

  Right. So I sat down at one of the dinner tables. Not every ticket includes dinner, but mine did. However, since they didn't check the tickets or direct people, it was a free for all. So they didn't check no tickets. So everybody's like, you know what? I am VIP. I decided. A lady wearing a football shirt came around and said dinner would be served at 7:30. Again, it was supposed to be at six. So my friends went up to get drinks from the bar while I held down the table. She got a hole down the table that she paid for. Cuz everybody just scavenging at this point.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  That's crazy. What you mean, what she mean a football shirt? Like a jersey?

• 40:34Laci Mosley?

  Yes. And I'm like, shouldn't you be in Bridgerton gowns, girl?

• 40:38Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 40:40Laci Mosley?

  Aren't you dressed like Lady Whistledown? What you got on a? She got on a 49ers jersey.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. Hey, y'all.

• 40:49Laci Mosley?

  She got on the Lions jersey.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  We got ribs. We got ribs and green beans.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 40:57Laci Mosley?

  Didn't even try to dress up. While they were up there at the bar, a random guy in a sweatsuit passed around water bottles. I asked for three extra for my friends, their stuff was at the table. He acted really stingy, but gave it to me reluctantly. Child, it was Sam's Club water, not like Fiji or something. So he, he walking around with one of them big packs, you know, in the plastic.

• 41:22Laci Mosley?

  And you know, I just know he was holding the whole plastic thing of the water bottles and just being like, here you go.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  How much did they charge these women to come to this?

• 41:32Laci Mosley?

  Chip Cheerio, Chip Cheerio.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  They probably had Cheerios.

• 41:38Laci Mosley?

  So, a friend came back down after going to the third floor and waiting at the bar. It was a dry bar with sparkling cider, dusty. So they wasn't even giving the girls alcohol. They had no absinthe and no old timey liquor for them or nothing. Around 8pm, they said they were gonna serve dinner. Now remember, dinner was supposed to be served at 6. It's now 8.

• 42:00Speaker 04

  But no, but then they came out and said 7:30, to be fair.

• 42:04Laci Mosley?

  We in Detroit, Detroit 7:30 is 9pm. Y'all get me, y'all feel me?

• 42:09Speaker 04

  You didn't came for Detroit so much, my sweet Jesus Christ.

• 42:12Laci Mosley?

  I have, and I'mma keep coming for y'all. I'm so glad that you're from Detroit, so I can really roast it good.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, cool. And where you from again?

• 42:19Laci Mosley?

  Frisco, Texas.

• 42:21Speaker 04

  Oh, yes, thank you. Say less, say less. That's all I needed to know. You talking about Detroit. Alright, come on, Frisco. Frisco, Texas.

• 42:31Laci Mosley?

  And at 8pm, well, at 8pm, they said dinner would be served. Then people lined up because they said it was a buffet. In the end, it was buffet style. Quality was given work potluck or mediocre baby shower food. Oh no, I just know it was a Swedish meatball over there.

• 42:47Speaker 04

  Oh, with the pasta salad.

• 42:49Laci Mosley?

  Oh, you know, it's some pasta salad.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Salad was there, damn it.

• 42:53Laci Mosley?

  Canned green beans, they just.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  Oh, man, not the spaghetti that got the cheese melted on the top.

• 42:59Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, you know.

• 43:00Speaker 04

  You know, and they was scooping it, they was scooping it out. They was scooping it, giving you the kun kun onto your plate with the scoop.

• 43:08Laci Mosley?

  And they had the Hawaiian dinner rolls. You had to get it out of the pack. They need to warm it up with no butter or nothing.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  Some of the driest wings that they picked up earlier that day from Ponderosa or a similar style restaurant.

• 43:23Laci Mosley?

  Oh, no.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 43:25Laci Mosley?

  They ran out of food. Herbert says, I never got food. We got left, so we left and got pizza and liquor and came back for dancing photos, a performance, and a fashion show. I didn't get my free pictures. There was dancing, which wasn't terrible. A bunch of us dressed the hell up doing the cha-cha slide was a sight.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 43:50Laci Mosley?

  Not sure I was like, we determined to have fun. So y'all left and got pizza and liquor and came back and did the cha-cha slide. Okay. Overall, DJ was kinda whack, but the lights were very bright. Anyway, black folks make the best of anything. So a lot of folks were just going outside in the courtyard, dancing and vibing to the music or going to the cigar lounge across the street. I didn't see a fashion show, but someone came outside and said they crowned the diamond of the season, even though the majority of people had left. I heard they said they are mailing her the 2K grand prize. I hope sis gets her money, but whoo, I doubt it. Now, why they gotta put it in the mail? She ain't getting that.

• 44:33Speaker 04

  She ain't getting that. And that's so crazy, because it probably was fifteen hundred tickets. Or something crazy like that, maybe six hundred.

• 44:40Laci Mosley?

  I want to pull up some of the accoutrement. So the Bridgerton drink, and I'm gonna show you a picture of it. So their Bridgerton drink with lemonade, lime, and mint in it consists of the most bitter Costco lemonade, bottled lime juice, and a circle of mint. Nothing homemade. And somehow, the two of them.

• 45:06Laci Mosley?

  And a water comes out to be eighteen dollars, so.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  Yo.

• 45:11Laci Mosley?

  Is that a lifesaver mint on the end of a straw?

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Lifesaver on the end of a straw that came in a five hundred pack and wow.

• 45:22Laci Mosley?

  And you cannot use the fake lime juice in anything for real. Like, what are you doing?

• 45:30Speaker 04

  Man.

• 45:31Laci Mosley?

  But they sold it as a mint lime lemonade.

• 45:35Speaker 04

  Oh my god, man.

• 45:38Laci Mosley?

  The mint, y'all. The mint is killing me. They put the mint on the, I'm talking about them ones you suck on, y'all, the lifesaver mint.

• 45:46Speaker 04

  Can I tell you, Lacey?

• 45:47Laci Mosley?

  They put it on a straw.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  They didn't put that on there.

• 45:50Laci Mosley?

  In the drink.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  They didn't put that on there. She fished that out with her straw. It was, it was, it was sitting at the bottom of her drink.

• 45:57Laci Mosley?

  It was in the drink.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  It was sitting at the bottom of her drink like that fish food that you use when you going out of town.

• 46:04Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. They don't tell me I get a mint lemonade and you put a lifesaver mint in some Costco lemonade. Get out of my face. I don't know how.

• 46:14Speaker 04

  I think that, I think that, I think that this is what I think happened. I honestly think that they were throwing a ghetto Bridgerton party for the people around there. And it got out of hand with tickets. It was supposed to be something that's small and ghetto, but they put Bridgerton on it. And it turned into something that was way bigger for them, so they had to postpone it to get a big enough venue, right? But that money, they probably spent the money and so they, they, they just, ah, I know that's what happened. They, they didn't expect it. They didn't expect it.

• 46:50Laci Mosley?

  I just, I'm appalled.

• 46:53Speaker 04

  I ain't gonna lie, like, like, like, I'm, I'm grossed out. I'm grossed out because I know what that Costco lemonade tastes like. You know what I'm saying?

• 47:00Laci Mosley?

  And you put some.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  And you put some lime juice and then a mint. Uh, mint? Do you think that that mint was gonna dissolve quick enough for people to drink their drink? And that, that mint looks so whole? Like that mint, that, that mint still got the edges on the ridges on the side.

• 47:17Laci Mosley?

  Right, I could still read lifesaver on that mint.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Ain't no flavor come off that mint.

• 47:23Laci Mosley?

  You gotta stir it, you gotta stir it.

• 47:25Speaker 04

  Stir that, but what if you don't know what's in there? You must run and choke.

• 47:29Laci Mosley?

  Oh, goodness. And so, let's look at the next photo here at the event. So, this was the photo booth opportunity. We got a wall of flowers. Again, this is a shower curtain, much like the Willy Wonka one. It is unironed.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, they could at least hit it with the steam.

• 47:48Laci Mosley?

  They did not hit it with the steam at all.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  No self-esteem.

• 47:52Laci Mosley?

  And then, it don't even hit the floor.

• 47:55Speaker 04

  It does not touch the floor.

• 47:57Laci Mosley?

  So, if you're trying to get your shoes in the pick, you're out of luck.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  You can't get your shoes in a trip because the backdrop is flooding.

• 48:06Laci Mosley?

  And then, they had the nerve to put some fake flowers on the top of it.

• 48:10Speaker 04

  I ain't gonna lie, can I just say this? Had they steamed it,

• 48:16Speaker 04

  and you got a good angle, one person at a time, knees up,

• 48:22Speaker 04

  it could've looked alright.

• 48:25Laci Mosley?

  That requires too much.

• 48:27Speaker 04

  I'm just saying, you gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta, you know what I'm saying? Knees up with the right lighting, it could've, it could've, it could've went.

• 48:35Laci Mosley?

  Stand on a chair.

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, stand on a chair, or, or, or be short.

• 48:40Laci Mosley?

  Alright, and then a nice little filter.

• 48:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:43Laci Mosley?

  Instagram filter.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Don't black or white. Don't throw a sepia, that's exactly what I'm saying. Don't, don't throw a sepia and, and have it looking like back in the day. What?

• 48:54Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, you're right, you're right. We could've made something work with this.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  They could've made something work with that.

• 48:59Laci Mosley?

  Now, let's look at the, some of the food. So here is our lady in the football jersey, which makes no sense for the event.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Aw, man, her edges tell me everything I need to know.

• 49:12Laci Mosley?

  And it looks like they got a bowl of, um.

• 49:16Speaker 04

  She got the AirPod on over the food.

• 49:18Laci Mosley?

  Why she got the AirPod on?

• 49:20Speaker 04

  You know that, you know that, because she working hard, she sweating. You know that damn AirPod that fell in that salad bowl?

• 49:26Laci Mosley?

  A couple of times.

• 49:27Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, look at the salad. The salad that don't look Caesar.

• 49:31Laci Mosley?

  Is that Caesar?

• 49:32Speaker 04

  Look at it on this young lady plate.

• 49:34Laci Mosley?

  Store bought lettuce? You know the lettuce that's about to go bad, it's got a little brown, brown edge.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  Man, yeah, I know. This is leather, this is, this is, this is the lettuce that she feed iguanas.

• 49:45Laci Mosley?

  No. And I do see a pasta salad on here. A pasta of some sort.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I see a pasta, yeah, man.

• 49:54Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, but her football jersey is killing me. And it, I can't tell what the team is.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  It just say, uh.

• 50:01Laci Mosley?

  Is it the 49ers?

• 50:03Speaker 04

  F O E. Okay, well, it do say football.

• 50:07Laci Mosley?

  Foot, footer. Girl, why you got this on? You couldn't just wear a black t-shirt if you work there, like.

• 50:14Speaker 04

  Man, why not be professional, man? Why not just be professional, damn it? Aw, man, I can't say nothing because I probably know these people in some capacity.

• 50:26Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, these are your neighbors.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  Be quiet, yeah, they're my neighbors. Mm-hmm, thank you, thank you for that.

• 50:31Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, and we're gonna pray for them because.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  Please, please.

• 50:36Laci Mosley?

  This is giving like church repass.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:39Laci Mosley?

  Like after the funeral, like this is the food that you go and get. And your aunties whipped it up so everybody could eat something, baby.

• 50:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, just so everybody can have something.

• 50:47Laci Mosley?

  I just know it's a casserole on that table and it's making me sick.

• 50:53Speaker 04

  I ain't gonna lie, I ain't gonna lie, but that just made me hungry though, damn.

• 50:56Laci Mosley?

  It made you hungry? If anything, it took my appetite away, good lord.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Really, I don't know why, it made me hungry because nah, I, you know, just, you know, like something good. Not like that, but that did look like something good. Usually people who, you know, I don't want nobody with their AirPod over my food, but it just remind me of a cookout. Like, damn, I want some cookout food. You know what I'm saying? It just, it just, it just.

• 51:17Laci Mosley?

  Well, I don't think it was supposed to be Bridgerton, the cookout.

• 51:20Speaker 04

  I agree. It was definitely not a Bridgerton barbecue. You know what I'm saying?

• 51:24Laci Mosley?

  That's what they should have sold it as.

• 51:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:26Laci Mosley?

  Bridgerton barbecue.

• 51:28Speaker 04

  Like a Bridgerton gender revealed in there, you know what I'm saying?

• 51:31Laci Mosley?

  It really does. Oh, it's so sad. Well, I'm so sad that that happened to you, but at least you had a fun experience and y'all made the best of it. You got some pizza, y'all went and got y'all some drink. You weren't sucking on your lifesaver drink and.

• 51:44Speaker 04

  Damn, Jermaine.

• 51:45Laci Mosley?

  That's the best we can hope for you.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  Damn, Jermaine.

• 51:48Laci Mosley?

  Our last letter, I just need a fake name for.

• 51:52Speaker 04

  Clarissa.

• 51:54Laci Mosley?

  Clarissa. So Clarissa, Clarissa says, I've been listening to you since day one. Oh, thank you, Clarissa. Your episode with Joel Kim Booster encouraged me to talk about my cousin Jesse. Not, I hope you changed the name, Clarissa, because you could put Jesse on blast. So he's, Clarissa says he's a nationwide piece of garbage. Damn, he not even local garbage. He nationwide?

• 52:20Speaker 04

  Hey, man, nationwide, he probably on your side.

• 52:24Laci Mosley?

  He not on your side, nationwide.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  Nationwide.

• 52:28Laci Mosley?

  But he not on your side.

• 52:30Speaker 04

  But he not on, right, go ahead.

• 52:33Laci Mosley?

  So he faked his own death and hacked computers in Hawaii and federally electronically marked himself deceased to avoid paying child support to the tune of a hundred thousand dollars.

• 52:47Laci Mosley?

  How much child support do you, like, a hundred thousand dollars is definitely more than one kid. It's getting Rolling Stone.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:57Laci Mosley?

  Wherever he laid his head was.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's giving, it's giving, living, they live in a shoe.

• 53:03Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, this is, also to go this far, not to take care of your children. Instead of taking care of your children, you're gonna hack into a database and call, declare yourself legally dead. Like, this is the deadest beat of the deadest beat. Nobody has been a dead beat harder than him.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  Gotta think smarter, not harder. They've been calling him a dead beat the whole time. He's like, you know what? Y'all might be on to something.

• 53:28Laci Mosley?

  He heard deadbeat and it gave him an idea.

• 53:30Speaker 04

  Well, yeah.

• 53:31Laci Mosley?

  A bulb went off in his head. What if I was?

• 53:34Speaker 04

  If I was dead, you can't beat that. You can't beat being dead.

• 53:38Laci Mosley?

  You can't beat being dead.

• 53:41Laci Mosley?

  You can't beat being dead. You're right about that.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 53:45Laci Mosley?

  So, he was born in Hawaii and spent most of his life in Kansas. He wrecked my first car. I'm still not over it. You got a bone to pick, Clarissa, with Cousin Jesse. So then he roamed around Michigan and East Indiana, Kentucky. He was still bouncing around, even though on paper he is deceased. So he say, I'm Lazarus.

• 54:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're a ghost. Yeah. If I was a ghost, I'd be all over Michigan, Indiana.

• 54:13Laci Mosley?

  But real talk, have you ever done something so dumb to get out of paying for something? Sheesh. Um, I have never declared myself dead. This is giving me ideas. Uh, have you ever done something to get out of paying something that you can talk about?

• 54:28Speaker 04

  I think, uh...

• 54:31Laci Mosley?

  I'm trying to think. I'm like, did I do a slip and fall? Did I limp somewhere?

• 54:38Speaker 04

  Hmm, yeah, I don't want to talk about it. I gotta see. I gotta see. I gotta see. I gotta see. I gotta see.

• 54:46Laci Mosley?

  What? You can't tell me at all?

• 54:49Speaker 04

  I gotta see. I gotta see, man.

• 54:51Laci Mosley?

  Uh, no, I gotta see. Now I really wanna know. You might have to tell me off the air.

• 54:55Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying?

• 54:56Laci Mosley?

  But I think declaring yourself dead to avoid child support is pretty fucking wild. I...

• 55:00Speaker 04

  I think, I don't know. I think mine is worse. I think mine is worse.

• 55:05Laci Mosley?

  Um...

• 55:07Speaker 04

  Mine is worse.

• 55:08Laci Mosley?

  I'm really back in my brain right now.

• 55:10Speaker 04

  Okay, look. Okay, look. All right, so, so like, when I was a kid, my grandfather made, I guess he named himself my guardian because he had the good insurance, right? And it didn't matter, because we all just, I lived with my mom my whole life. But, you know, my mom and dad was split, so he was like, I'm his guardian. I had the good insurance, braces, all that shit my whole life. And so whenever I was going through middle school, I always had to put my grandfather's address down, right? Because he had the big house, the good house, whatever.

• 55:40Speaker 04

  So when I got to college, um, I'm sitting there and they like trying to find me money to like, you know, like financial aid.

• 55:49Laci Mosley?

  Scholarships or whatever.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. And so I told the financial aid lady, like, yeah, you know, plus I never met my mom ever. She's like, what? And I was like, yes, it's on all my files. I never met the woman. She's like, are you serious? I was like, yeah. She's like, there's money for that. So then I got all this bread for that to finish college.

• 56:07Laci Mosley?

  To be pretending to be an orphan.

• 56:10Speaker 04

  And they made me.

• 56:11Laci Mosley?

  Graduation when she wants to come celebrate.

• 56:13Speaker 04

  Listen, when I graduated, I'm like, listen, I need my mother, you know, this is a white woman. She'd be like, where were you when he needed you?

• 56:22Speaker 04

  This graduation, right? And so I'm like, Ma, you gotta go over there because I ain't supposed to know you. They give me grants. You know what I'm saying? They give me grants, like, I think it was like the losing Isaiah Grant or something like that. You know what I'm saying?

• 56:36Laci Mosley?

  Not that, we're not gonna do Halle Berry like that.

• 56:38Speaker 04

  It was, it was the.

• 56:39Laci Mosley?

  Halle Berry movie, she loses somebody.

• 56:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, she is because she is, she's the old irresponsible forgetful, you know what I'm saying?

• 56:46Laci Mosley?

  Forgetful has mom.

• 56:47Speaker 04

  She a baby mama, you be like, tell me that the car seat not on top of the car you rode home with the baby.

• 56:51Laci Mosley?

  With the baby in it and you driving away.

• 56:54Speaker 04

  You didn't think.

• 56:54Laci Mosley?

  I only did that three times. Calm down.

• 56:57Speaker 04

  We just went to CBS child, damn. Like, oh, we, y'all, y'all.

• 57:02Laci Mosley?

  The losing Isaiah Grant is crazy.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:06Laci Mosley?

  Like, yeah, Ma, don't, no, no, don't clap. When they say my name, do not clap.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  Don't say nothing because I got that damn L I D. And so if I, if I, if I introduce you as Auntie Mama, this, this, this role, you know what I'm saying? She basically raised me. She raised me right here.

• 57:23Laci Mosley?

  She basically raised me.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  Yeah. What would I be without you?

• 57:29Laci Mosley?

  I love you.

• 57:30Speaker 04

  Right, so if they want to come take my degree back.

• 57:33Laci Mosley?

  Because you were like, my story is I was a son crying at home on the bathroom floor because I was hungry.

• 57:40Speaker 04

  And the only way to feed me was to just disappear for eighteen years.

• 57:46Laci Mosley?

  Okay, that's wild. That's a wild one to get out of something.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  I'm saying, yeah, yeah, but see, I was in, I was in the college classes like, y'all niggas pay attention, please? Some of us don't have parents.

• 58:00Laci Mosley?

  Just sprinkling it around wherever you need to.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  They was like, you know that guy? He's really fucking dedicated. He has nobody. People used to be like, people used to be like, where you going for Thanksgiving CP? I'm like, I'll find somewhere.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  I'm like, damn, what my momma made us? Sweet potato pie, turkey, all kind of shit. You know what I'm saying? What you doing for the holidays CP? I'll figure it out.

• 58:25Laci Mosley?

  The sad voice is killing me. I'll figure it out.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  I'll figure it out, guys. Don't worry about me.

• 58:32Laci Mosley?

  Mother's Day rolls around, you always gotta be like, damn, this is a hard day. Knowing damn well you got a mom.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  Right, cherish it, you know?

• 58:43Laci Mosley?

  I love using that for everything. It's like, hey, I saw you gave me a B minus on my paper. If my mother had been alive, it would have been A, so go ahead and change that.

• 58:54Speaker 04

  You gotta tell them like, sad things that there's, if there's no one at home to be disappointed in these grades. So I really just gotta make it for myself, you know? And these Bs and As mean a lot. So, but if you want, you want to give me this, you want to give me the B, that's fine. But you know, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to compete in this job industry with no support system.

• 59:19Laci Mosley?

  That's an excellent one CP, oh my goodness. And that brings us to the end of the show. You're so much fun.

• 59:26Speaker 04

  Man, thank you, thank you. And I want to shout out my special too that just dropped.

• 59:30Laci Mosley?

  Of course, I was about to say, where, where would you like to be found? Social media, your special, all that good stuff.

• 59:36Speaker 04

  So I have a special called Sunday After Six, right? Um, it's a dope, dope comedy special. A very, uh, like unique set that has like a through line and it's like one huge story. It's, it's, it's, it's really good. Um, and it's on a, a platform called Veeps.

• 59:54Laci Mosley?

  Veeps.

• 59:55Speaker 04

  Veeps, V E E P S, which is like an international, like a concert platform, right? And, uh, but they allowed me to go on there and drop my special independently, um, to the world. So there's people from all over the world watching it and really enjoying it. So I'm excited about that. Yeah, man. Um, yeah, they can find me at comedian CP on everything. Comedian CP, all one word, no spaces, no nothing. Comedian CP.

• 1:00:24Laci Mosley?

  The letter C and then the letter P.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  The letter C and the letter P. That's right. And, um, yeah, man, that's it, man. I really enjoyed this. This is like mad fun.

• 1:00:34Laci Mosley?

  Thank you. This was such a good time. I really enjoyed you. Thank you for coming on the show. As always, snitch on your friends, family and your enemies at [email protected]. We see, we do read them on the show, y'all. And if you want to find me, D I V A L A C I, Diva Lacy on all platforms. If you want to see any of these ridiculous photos and y'all really do want to see this, this lifesaver situation. ScamGodisPod on Instagram. If you want to chat with me, ScamGodisPod on Twitter. Y'all, my book is out. You can get it anywhere. Scam Goddess. Uh, all the episodes of Scam Goddess are now airing on Hulu as well as Going Dutch. So get into those first two seasons. Have a good time. And congregation, I want y'all to get out there.

• 1:01:18Laci Mosley?

  I want you to get out there and, um, stay losing Isaiah.

• 1:01:27Laci Mosley?

  Never find him.

• 1:01:28Speaker 04

  That's right. Never find. Get that money. Get that money.

• 1:01:32Laci Mosley?

  Get that money, okay?

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  Be Isaiah. Be the lost Isaiah.

• 1:01:41Laci Mosley?

  This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheming.

• 1:02:01Speaker 11

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