#186 - Ari Shaffir

Ari Shaffir returns to the pod to discuss his extensive travels through exotic foreign jungles, looking exactly like the guy that you don’t wanna room with at a hostel, the idea of a straight dude who’s super into saunas, extreme fluctuating kush tolerance, defiling the beautiful innocent Stavvy’s World backdrop, and much more. Ari and Stav help callers including a guy who found out the busty babe from the gym that he’s been hooking up with is married, and a woman whose grandmother has fallen in love with a Keanu Reeves impersonator who uses AI pics. Watch Ari Shaffir’s storytelling standup series The End: https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ See Ari Shaffir live and follow him: https://arishaffir.com/ https://www.facebook.com/arishaffirstandup https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.youtube.com/arishaffir Thanks to our sponsors! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome everybody to Stop This World 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve your problems. Very exciting episode from the jungles. From the jungles of the, of the Amazon.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  That's kinda, yeah. I've been there for a little bit.

• 0:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. We've just found Ari washed up on the, on the Hudson River. He's shipwrecked. He was trying to sail across the Amazon through the back of the ocean.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  I'm one of those jet skis and then I wrecked right at the end.

• 0:31Stavros Halkias?

  We have Ari Shaffir here. He put, he just put out The End. His last big storytelling show. A show that he's had a lot of different versions of. The Comedy Central one was called, was it called?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Comedy Central was called This Is Not Happening.

• 0:45Stavros Halkias?

  This Is Not Happening. Then the untitled Ari Shaffir Storyteller Show, which was just a legal loophole.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  A spite name.

• 0:51Stavros Halkias?

  Because Comedy Central fucked him in the ass and took his IP. So he was like, well, fuck you, I'm gonna do it anyway. And it was, it was still good. And this one, The End, very good. Great line, hilarious lineup. I remember I was doing something, I wanted to do it so bad.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  You were doing something, I wanted you on really bad.

• 1:06Stavros Halkias?

  I think I was doing maybe Tony the Movie. When, when'd you, when'd you shoot it?

• 1:08Speaker 01

  This was about a year ago, April. So it's like, yeah, I was like, yeah. Sort of in like March or February, and you're like, fuck, hold on.

• 1:15Stavros Halkias?

  I was on tour and then I had to do Tony right afterwards. That's exactly what happened.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Have you ever done a live one?

• 1:20Stavros Halkias?

  A live what?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  A live?

• 1:21Stavros Halkias?

  Special?

• 1:22Speaker 01

  No, Ari's storytelling show, whatever, under whatever name.

• 1:24Stavros Halkias?

  No, I did Big Jay's show once.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:27Stavros Halkias?

  And I've just never done it. I don't have that many fucking stories.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  I know, but it's, it's like a, it's like a, it's like an assignment to be like, think of one and then come tell it. Don't worry about it.

• 1:36Stavros Halkias?

  And actually doing Big Jay's show helped me like, I was playing around with a threesome joke that I like, kind of, I was like, there's more jo-. And then I ended up, I ended up closing my special, my first special with it. And it was like the best crowd work I ever did, because I would get into it by being like, you have somebody had any threesomes? And the ways people have threesomes are so bizarre. There's like a cock, there's a cock, there's like your standard cock threesomes. There's your like, a guy is doing some gay shit to fuck a hot girl, basically threesome. There's like, you know, there's like-

• 2:06Speaker 01

  There's the craziest, like, I just started talking to two different women at a bar, which doesn't exist.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there, I got, I never got those. It was always, and what was, or what happened a lot, I loved the ones where it was like- There are some guys who are cursed with heterosexuality, who wish they could fuck their boys, but they like pussy too much. So they, they literally fuck chicks together. And it's almost like they're using a woman as a conduit to have gay sex with each other. That was a funny style of threesome. Three gay.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  It does bring it closer together.

• 2:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Remember that time we did that? It's like going over a ballgame.

• 2:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, the most misogynistic cultures do the gay shit. Like Greek villagers, Greek villagers, like I went, I remember when I was like, and I went, I went to like my, my, um, my family had like a house. That was like, you know, two or three hours outside of Athens, but for Europe, two hours, a two hour drive. You know how they are. It's like they might, that's like a fucking 14 hour flight to that.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, gotta get everything in there.

• 3:06Stavros Halkias?

  They have such a villagers mindset where they're like, and you know, we'll just drive four hours like it's nothing. But we went there. So it was like a little outside of Athens and it was a beautiful, in a beautiful place. I don't remember, uh, if this was a place called, or if it was the, they have another, it was later on. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Kind of hickish. And these are like, year olds are talking about how like them and their cut older, they're like, how their cool older, older cousins like, like helped that, like ran, helped them run trains on, like taught them how to run trains.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  They're cool older cousins.

• 3:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like that was the bonding experience. And it was like, you know, and it was like, you know, weird and they're like pumped. And it's like, dude, I think you're like, cousin is sort of molesting you. Like I think he's making you fuck a woman.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Making you get naked in front of him.

• 3:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And like, yeah.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  And it's like, why would I get naked in front of you? It was like, here's a girl on the scene.

• 3:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're like, no, this is cool.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Tiny dick.

• 3:57Stavros Halkias?

  They felt like it was like, they felt like it was a, when a JV player gets called up to varsity. That's how, that's how they were, everyone was like the one year old that got to be in a threesome. You know, maybe we should bleep this out. Let's bleep out his age.

• 4:11Stavros Halkias?

  Let's say he was 18, 18 year old villager. Anyway, look, I'm, this is not a, what you should do, folks.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  This is what you should not do.

• 4:17Stavros Halkias?

  This is what you should not do.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Story of, of ill.

• 4:20Stavros Halkias?

  It's weird. It's fucking weird how, how like, how this shit happens. Anyway, um, but yes, I never did to, to. Comeback? No, I never did do your story.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Did I invite you to a live one? I didn't do as much in New York as in LA, but I did sometimes plenty at festivals.

• 4:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but that just never worked out. But go see the, you know, watch the end, folks. It's been out for a while now, very funny, a lot of, a lot of great people on it.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  It's great. Everybody's loving it. Yeah, the response is like, it's kind of cool, just do it all yourself.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. Dude, we gotta start doing shit completely independently.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  You did it?

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, there's, you know, the, you know, everything, that's the way to do it. And I think like, I'm very excited, obviously for my Netflix special. And I do think there's still a space for like, our specials to go on certain platforms. But I think everything else, like, Stand Up 2 is like such a.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Real?

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's just like, it's, it's nice to, I wanna, I guess what I'm saying is I wanna go, I wanna start putting more stuff out myself on YouTube. Cause it feels like you have more control and it's cool to see it be, you know.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  You have more control, for sure. You could be like, I'm putting a song in here.

• 5:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  You're like, do you have the rights? Like, nah.

• 5:23Stavros Halkias?

  No, who cares? I'm not making money anyway. Who cares? I don't think the Rolling Stones are that litigious.

• 5:32Stavros Halkias?

  But anyway, so you did this, this storytelling thing and then you, you did something which I love, which I am envious of, where you just.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are, huh?

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  Do something and you just disappear. You literally just left. You finished your work and then you went, where did you go?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  I went all through Latin America.

• 5:46Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  No offense to Albania, I'm sure. That'll be my next trip. You can't spend eight months in Albania.

• 5:50Stavros Halkias?

  You would love Albania. You'd fucking just disappear into the hills.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  I really would. Yeah, I went to, I started in Mexico and I just worked down to the tip of Argentina and then back up through Brazil to Carnival.

• 6:02Stavros Halkias?

  You went to Carnival?

• 6:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Not Rio.

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  Not Rio?

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Everybody I talked to in Uruguay and Argentina, every Brazilian, like, do not go to Rio, that's commercial shit.

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's the, that's not the real shit?

• 6:13Speaker 01

  There's four other Carnivals and they're all way more chill and fun.

• 6:17Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  So I was like, interesting. Okay. Plus hostile beds in a dorm were $400 a night.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  In Rio during Carnival.

• 6:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking brutal.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  I don't think I wanted that bad.

• 6:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. So did you just fucking backpack? What'd you do?

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, backpack. It's a bit. My knees are fucked. They're getting better, but like, yeah, just like 70 pounds on my back.

• 6:35Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit, dude.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  If you buy anything, you gotta dump something. You're full on space right away.

• 6:39Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, so you're really like living, you're on the fucking Oregon Trail, basically?

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. These shoes, these shoes, I just got a new pair because I wore the other ones out, but like these, I can go out at night with these.

• 6:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Like if I needed to like.

• 6:50Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Be at a restaurant, like they'll do enough.

• 6:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right. You look like a dork, but it's still, but still, yeah, yeah. Yeah, one pair of shoes is the tough one.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Everything. Well, I had hiking shoes and these, so I could flip them around and one of these Burt Kreischer flip flops that fucking ruled.

• 7:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, the, the like.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Not the slides.

• 7:06Stavros Halkias?

  Not the slides.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  No, the leather ones.

• 7:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I love slides. I'm a slides guy and they're very cushioned.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're cushioned.

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  And they have Burt's face on it, which is hilarious.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Step right in.

• 7:17Stavros Halkias?

  Take that. Take that, Bert.

• 7:20Stavros Halkias?

  Suck my toes, Bert.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, but everything in a backpack is just fine. It's fine. Everybody's doing it. All of Gap year kids are doing it. It's usually like 28 year olds.

• 7:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, do you feel weird doing a child's vacation?

• 7:34Stavros Halkias?

  Doing an eat, pray, love. It's like you'd have to be divorced or 19 and you just got married. So it's very funny that now is when you're backpacking as a fucking 50 year old man.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  They're mostly, they're mostly like, they're, they're mostly like, hey, whoever's here is here. We don't care. If we're playing cards, some Austrians, like, let me show you an Austrian card game. We're all in. There's some times where it's like.

• 7:51Stavros Halkias?

  Austrian card game. You sure you want to be, you sure you want to be involved in that? What happens if a Jew loses an Austrian card game?

• 7:57Speaker 01

  The punishments were severe. Uh, don't lose, don't lose. It won't be an issue.

• 8:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, my grandfather taught me this. They, uh, he spent, that's how they kill time. He was a prison guard.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Bro, there's so many streets and statues like in the southern, like Argentina stuff, named after just German sounding names. And like, when did they get here?

• 8:20Stavros Halkias?

  You know when.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, we'd look them up. We'd look them up. And like, he made a fortune, kinda exited Germany in those

• 8:25Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  mid to early to late 30s.

• 8:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Somewhere between the early 20s and late 30s he got here.

• 8:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right. That's, that's what, that's what the official ledger says now. That motherfucker got there 1948.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:35Stavros Halkias?

  That motherfucker got there as soon as the fucking, uh, as soon as the cordite, uh, on Hitler and the back of Hitler's head cooled, that guy was on the first steam engine to fucking Argentina.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Entire German cities, but I didn't get to one.

• 8:49Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I did hear, I, cause I do think, and Eldis maybe look this up, I don't know. I feel like-

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Big screen, we'll look at it now.

• 8:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. We, we still need to, Eldis did not set up the TV. This, well, you should also say, actually, I didn't say this at all. This is our first episode in our new studio.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  I'm christening it.

• 9:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  I'm christening it.

• 9:07Stavros Halkias?

  You are. Which basically means it's, you know, you're getting the shittiest version of it. Don't, do not put your penis. No, no circumcised penis are to touch the artwork. Stop it. Stop fucking the backdrop. By the way, we've used the backdrop before. You'd have to fuck the studio walls. We've used, we've used, we've done a hu- maybe a hundred episodes with this backdrop.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  Fuck. Now I'm just a whore.

• 9:30Stavros Halkias?

  You just fucked the scenery for no reason. Um, no, stop. Don't fuck the sign, Ari.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 9:39Stavros Halkias?

  But yes, we, we have, uh, we'll say more about it later, but we, we're still figuring our shit out, but we're very happy that Stabby Baby Enterprises has a world headquarters now in the beautiful Chelsea, um, in beautiful Chelsea, Manhattan. Eldis picked it. It's right next to a couple of men's only spas, uh, where she's been going to a lot for some reason. I don't know what that's about, Eldis. He's, keeps blowing off some steam at the men's spa of Chelsea.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Just real stressful setting everything up, you know?

• 10:06Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  You gotta be within distance of a comforting massage spa place, place to unwind. Put some like-minded guys.

• 10:15Stavros Halkias?

  Right, like-minded guys. Just some fellows, dude.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Talking sports, talking sports and getting down.

• 10:20Stavros Halkias?

  Talking sports, getting some knots out, sitting in the sauna, whatever happens, happens. And then you leave and you go back to your wife. The classic men's spa experience.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Hard to find a non-gay sauna on the road.

• 10:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Hear you, there's a couple, but on the road you go like, oh, cool bathtub. And you get there like, god damn it.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  I've had people tell me like, no, you know, it's all men. You don't need to wear shorts. I'm like, oh, okay. And they go, take your shorts off.

• 10:43Stavros Halkias?

  Take the shorts off.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  I mean, they're already on.

• 10:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, come on, man. Can't I just get a steam while you have gay sex in the corner? Leave me alone. It'd be really funny to love sauna so much. You're like, fellas, I'm straight. You have all the sex you want. Just please leave me alone. I'll be here wearing sunglasses with my AirPods on.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  People are just like bent over railing.

• 11:05Stavros Halkias?

  I think I could enjoy a sauna if a guy was discreetly jerking another guy off. Anything more than that, I don't think I could handle.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  I want the steam. I want the, I want to know the steam is made by the sauna and not by the actions going on.

• 11:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right. Well, you'd have to really be.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  I don't want the humidity.

• 11:19Stavros Halkias?

  You'd have to be buttfucking at a crazy rate to create steam.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Well, that's how I buttfuck, stop. Listen, listen, you do it your half ass way.

• 11:29Stavros Halkias?

  You'd have to suck dick at an insane rate of speed to create steam. Imagine somebody sucks your dick so fast.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Like, like Miyagi.

• 11:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  Steam coming off his ass.

• 11:40Stavros Halkias?

  And then you have a wrinkled shirt. She blows on it. It's completely fucking, she gets all the wrinkles out and she presses it.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  I buttfuck rapidly in front of t-shirts.

• 11:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you, you could mouth, you could queef, fart, blow on it, whatever.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Just get Tom and Steve to come over to your house and all your stuff is just spick and span state.

• 12:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I, I, I've not, I've not, uh, gone to that. I really just keep the sauna here. Or I have become a sauna guy in general. I do like it.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  I'll take you to one.

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  I want to get, I want to fucking, I want my own sauna. I want my own little sauna.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that'd be nice.

• 12:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that would be really fun.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  My dad built himself a sauna downstairs for his like seventh birthday.

• 12:19Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, that's awesome.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Whatever. Mexicans or Albanians made it.

• 12:23Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, of course.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  He oversaw it, but.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  He was the foreman on the project.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  But man, it's so great to have it downstairs.

• 12:29Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, in the, cause you grew up in Silver Spring, right?

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:32Stavros Halkias?

  We know, yeah, we got Maryland's.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:34Stavros Halkias?

  So there, there's no way that was the code in Silver Spring, by the way. Your dad's got, your dad's got an illegal sauna in a, in a basement.

• 12:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome. Okay, so what was your favorite country? Like, what was the most notable notable experience on the backpack?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  It's tough. There's a ton. I wasn't gone for three weeks. So every time somebody's like, what's your favorite? Man, that's fucking, that's difficult.

• 12:55Stavros Halkias?

  Don't give me, you're right. Favorite is a hack. That's a bad way to be an interviewer and I apologize.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  I do the same shit. I'm like, that's a better word.

• 13:01Stavros Halkias?

  This is just, this is literally just, I'm fucking tired and I'm like, I gotta do a fucking podcast with a broken arm before going back to the movie. What's your favorite vacation?

• 13:11Speaker 01

  I got one for you. You know I'm gone. You're here. I'm gone at some level of months, whatever. I sent a text to everybody like, this ain't gonna be my number anymore. So lose it.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Are you at all like, I wonder what he's doing or like, what, what kind, where's he eating? Or where's he like sleeping or whatever?

• 13:29Stavros Halkias?

  I guess what I think about is just, I literally just, in my mind's eye, it's like literally a fucking like thatch, a roof thatch hut with a grass floor. You're fucking, you're like barefoot. You know what I mean? You've taken a very squat Guatemalan wife for the time being. You've taken a small woman.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  They are the smallest.

• 13:49Stavros Halkias?

  A small woman who's grounding cassava roots in a fucking mortar and pestle to make you weird little specific pancakes. Like to me, to me, you've like just gone native. Like to me, I think you're living the life of like a, some like European that went down there to run a brutal like plant, like sugarcane plantation. You know what I mean? Like, which I know is not what you're doing, but I literally think of like you just overlooking a beautiful valley. You know, in the, in the, I just think of the most idyllic version of it with, I mean, idyllic, it's hor, you know, it's like, I just think, basically what I'm saying is I don't think of bugs. Yeah, basically.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  When I was on a city I told you about, there were some days like that. For sure, there were some days where I'm like, I haven't worn shoes in almost a week. It was, it was pretty rad. But a lot of it was like big metropolitan cities. Santiago, Buenos Aires.

• 14:39Stavros Halkias?

  So you, you basically, you, you check into a hotel when you get there and you live with a human being. You're a hostel guy, never a hotel.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Occasionally a hotel. If I'm in and out, the hotels are cheap enough or there's no hostels. If it's like a totally not tourist town, they're like, we don't really have that.

• 14:55Stavros Halkias?

  Hostel seems brutal. You're fucking in there with like, again, like children.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  You get a private.

• 14:59Stavros Halkias?

  Private hostel.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  But sometimes they're not available and you just do, I mean, I got pink eye out of them a couple of times. They're not clean.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  You wake up and you're like, ah, fuck.

• 15:09Stavros Halkias?

  Couple was eating each other's ass on your pillow 24 hours ago.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Cause you'll see the guys cleaning up if you're like, and you're like, wait, did you change your sheets? Or you just make the bed.

• 15:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, if I got into a bed and there was clearly another person's musk in there, it would fucking, I would go crazy. I would hate that.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:28Stavros Halkias?

  I, I'm, I'm too much of a, I'm, first of all, I'm too fat, right? Bad back.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  You were, you did buses.

• 15:33Stavros Halkias?

  Huh?

• 15:34Speaker 01

  You do buses.

• 15:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but it's a night, I know the mat, I know the mattress, I can get used to it. I, I'll sleep in a nice Airbnb, like we got that, remember that LA?

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Airbnbs are cool.

• 15:43Stavros Halkias?

  Airbnb?

• 15:44Speaker 01

  But now that you're going to see people.

• 15:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, but what I'm saying is like, I'll go to a nice Airbnb and if the mattress isn't right, my, I'm fucked for three days.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 15:52Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm just too fat right now to do some shit like that. And also I'm too, I do think I've like, I have quickly forgotten.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can do it.

• 16:00Stavros Halkias?

  How horrible my life used to be.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  It, you can get used to it and it takes about 10 days.

• 16:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  And then you're like, uh, whatever, it's fine. I mean, I've had bathroom doors, you open up and they fall off and you're like, fuck.

• 16:10Stavros Halkias?

  No joke, I like, I escaped poverty. I don't want to go back for fun.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  It was, yeah.

• 16:16Stavros Halkias?

  You're talking about me just, oh, why don't I, oh, you know what would be a fun vacation? Eating hot dogs and ramen noodles for dinner.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:23Stavros Halkias?

  After, after, after fourth grade.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, that's what, I think I'm good, man. I think I just want to stay in nice places.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  It was social, that was the thing though.

• 16:32Stavros Halkias?

  Social seems fun.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  You find out what there is to do, you find people to do it with. That part is like, I've never gotten that out of town. I've never met anybody in a hotel.

• 16:39Stavros Halkias?

  You're absolutely right about that.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  So you get used to the shit that they're used to too, and then you're like, I mean, I put my bags down in, in, in some city in, in Brazil and they're like, hey, we're going to see the fucking, um, the Beyonce Brazil.

• 16:53Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Like, oh, like you want to come? It's, it was like grade school again, you want to play? And I was like, oh, give me five minutes. I'm like, okay.

• 16:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  And then it's like, you're just out talking to people from all over.

• 17:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And they don't, and the thing is they don't know how lucky they are that you were not there to sex traffic people. Because a guy that looks like you.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  I can see the victims.

• 17:13Stavros Halkias?

  A guy that looks like you at a hostel, like being like, oh, hey kid, like literally how do you do fellow kids? The fucking, this Buscemi meme?

• 17:20Speaker 01

  Oh my God, where you guys from? Who else knows you're here?

• 17:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Does your mom have your location?

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Your exact location. Hey guys, let's all turn off our location.

• 17:29Stavros Halkias?

  You know what would be fun? Let's unplug, guys.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Leave your phones here.

• 17:34Stavros Halkias?

  I know this great, I know this great hike. Of this, this really secluded hike. Where definitely no, no fucking Eastern European mobsters are waiting by a shipping container to take you to fucking god knows where. Yeah dude, that, you know, but that's good. I like where there's no-

• 17:52Speaker 01

  It was the unplugging mostly. That's what you would like.

• 17:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I would like the unplug.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  It was the, it was the-

• 17:57Stavros Halkias?

  And you know, maybe that's why when I think of what you're doing, I'm actually fantasizing about what I want to be doing.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, you would do what I did probably here.

• 18:04Stavros Halkias?

  I would, exactly.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  In a new island or something.

• 18:06Stavros Halkias?

  I wouldn't like to do that much. I would like to set up shop, I think, a little bit, you know?

• 18:10Speaker 01

  So everybody's got to do it their own way.

• 18:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  You would get a cabana-

• 18:14Stavros Halkias?

  I would a hundred percent be on the beach. You're so right.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Greek island.

• 18:17Stavros Halkias?

  And I'd fucking grill. I would try and buy fresh fish and cook it myself.

• 18:21Speaker 01

  Can I watch you make it? Can I teach me how to make it?

• 18:23Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. I would love, I would love to go on a boat with a fisherman. I would love that dude. Fuck, maybe I will do this.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  And where they don't know you?

• 18:30Stavros Halkias?

  They don't know me.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  You just seem like an acquisitive guy. So like, alright.

• 18:33Stavros Halkias?

  And I know enough Greek where it's like, I can get, like, that's the other thing. In Greece, I can actually speak. And it would help my Greek to actually speak to people. That was, that's been my dream of like, the last five years, every year I'm like, this year I'm going to Greece for six weeks. And every year something. This year, it was hap- dude. It's so fucked up. A hundred percent.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  That's the right time to do it too.

• 18:53Stavros Halkias?

  I had it planned. And I told, I was like, here's what a piece of shit, what, how much I cursed the gods. Where I was, I was literally looking at my calendar and I was plotting everything out and I was like, wow. It's gonna, I don't see any way it doesn't happen this year, the next day I break my arm. Literally the day before I was, I was like looking up flights. It was that much. I was like, I think this is the window. And I was just looking up flights to see the prices and like, oh, should I do it now? And I was like, there's no way. Special into, into the movie, into the, a next movie coming out, into tires coming out, into my special coming out. And then, right after I go to Greece. Now, who fucking knows what's gonna happen? But I am gonna try and go out there for two weeks at least.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Two weeks would be nice. Two weeks to me is about the time. It takes 10, 12 days and you're like, I'm relaxed now.

• 19:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  And now I can enjoy it from there.

• 19:41Stavros Halkias?

  It's at least a, it's at least a reset. It's not a full reset, but it's a, it's a recharge, not a reset, I guess.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  Well, you should do it if you do one of those. It's like, it's like- Just get a burner phone or another phone and just take just your mom's number.

• 19:54Stavros Halkias?

  Hundred percent.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Or anyone you would need to, anyone else like, don't bother me.

• 19:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great idea. Make it literally impossible for me to use my, to use Instagram or Twitter or whatever the fuck.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Dude, I've gotten back and I've noticed that I don't know, but the, the, um, talking points came and went. And I was never made aware of them. So I could hear somebody referencing something that I don't know. And I'm kind of glad I don't.

• 20:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  And I'm like.

• 20:17Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, hey, I haven't seen a new Charlie Kirk video in a while. What's going on?

• 20:20Speaker 01

  I did hear about that.

• 20:22Stavros Halkias?

  Did you hear about that in?

• 20:23Speaker 01

  In Guatemala.

• 20:23Stavros Halkias?

  In Guatemala.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  At a bar Guatemala.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? I was in Greece when it happened, actually.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  It hits different. You don't get it's emotionalized.

• 20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. No, there I was like, I mean, when it broke in Greece, first of all, you just hear there's a shooting and it's like, oh damn, that sucks. And then when, when he died, when like he died, I was like, damn, that like.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  I've heard of that.

• 20:39Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't like the guy, but you shouldn't fucking kill people you don't agree with. That's, that's, and that was all, that was what I thought it was gonna be. And then I get home and like, Republicans are like, if you are not sad about Charlie Kirk, you need to die.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Really?

• 20:53Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, you saw that guy, that one guy, not all Republicans, like, no dude, there was that one guy who was like crying, like in a golf.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  They're all acting.

• 20:59Stavros Halkias?

  Guys in golf polos crying like this is MLK. It's like, he was, anyway, you know what? I'm gonna stop myself.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Acting. They're all just doing Stephen A. Smith. They're all just doing a version of Stephen A. Smith.

• 21:09Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  You don't actually care about this.

• 21:12Stavros Halkias?

  No, dude.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  But you convince yourself you do.

• 21:14Stavros Halkias?

  Well, all of them wanted to be famous. Every one of them. Ben Shapiro is a failed screenwriter.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Really, really?

• 21:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. All the like.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 21:21Stavros Halkias?

  The other, like, so, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's tough.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Should've been successful, yeah.

• 21:24Stavros Halkias?

  Ben Shapiro couldn't make it in Hollywood. Imagine how bad he was at fucking screenwriting.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Should've called yourself Ben Yaman Shapiro. You might've gone further. You bent people off.

• 21:34Stavros Halkias?

  But it's like, you know, and a lot, a lot of.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  Ben, is this an old black man? I'm not reading all the other, the other name.

• 21:40Stavros Halkias?

  I don't need to see the last name.

• 21:43Stavros Halkias?

  But like a lot and a lot of like, a lot of like conservative online figures or pundits are like failed comedian. How many failed standups become conservative pundits all of a sudden?

• 21:53Speaker 01

  Pundit, such a weird word. You've stayed out of it. You're so good.

• 21:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but it's so anyway, it's like, that shit happens all the time. But I remember coming home and being like, Jesus, when you're in Greece, it's like, damn, that's, that's a tragedy. That's sad. And you just go about your day. And then I came home and it was like, they were getting people fired for being like, I didn't like when he said black people, you know, deserve to vote or whatever, you know, don't deserve to vote. Or whatever, like the Voting Rights Act is the biggest mistake we've ever made. And it's like, it was, it was actually,

• 22:22Speaker 01

  They're firing people over it.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  It was kind of schizophrenic because I was like, and obviously I know these people are hypocrites, but it's like, this is exactly what you were mad about.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  They're doing the same thing. They're such.

• 22:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's literally the same thing where they were getting people fired for making jokes they didn't like. And it's like,

• 22:38Speaker 01

  I don't want to, I don't want to use slurs on your podcast, but like, but like both sides are such.

• 22:44Stavros Halkias?

  You can bleep it, Eldis.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Such.

• 22:48Stavros Halkias?

  And his mouth too. Don't let people know what he said.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  I mean, they're both so lame.

• 22:54Stavros Halkias?

  But listen.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  It's so, and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, so then don't do it yourself, whatever.

• 22:58Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, it's, it's fine. The boat, but I will say the both sides argument does bother me a little bit because now we're talking, like the both sides, when they call, when they call, you know, left, when they call Mondani a communist and it's like, the guy wants fucking, like, one side is we should have healthcare and the other side is, let's round up every brown person and fucking try them without any due process. So I do think there's a little difference at this point, but we don't have to talk about it. We could talk about how.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  They didn't mean bitching about like some words.

• 23:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  And everyone's like, oh, you're so mad about these words. Like, guys, fucking go back to your, you're not.

• 23:32Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get back, let me ask you this. When's the, did you jack off in a hostel?

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, tons of times. Generally.

• 23:38Stavros Halkias?

  Were you in a room with other people?

• 23:39Speaker 01

  This is the Stavi question. Now we got it. What's your favorite place? Yes. So.

• 23:45Stavros Halkias?

  Did you jack off in a hostel and how did you manage it with other people?

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Okay, showers are your friend.

• 23:48Stavros Halkias?

  Shower.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  That's usually where you go to fuck. Unless you're a fucking German.

• 23:53Stavros Halkias?

  An animal.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  And they just do a fucking animal right up top of the fucking buck bed.

• 23:57Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, on top. Did any, did any juices drip on you? Did they come through those thin camp mattresses they have?

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Bro, fuck Germans. And not for the reasons you would expect. And not for, that's fine. We're good on that. We're good on that. I test drove a BMW once. We're fine. But this new shit, untoward.

• 24:15Stavros Halkias?

  Ari's over it. It's not, to him, it's, yeah, it's how, I do think they seem like a very, like, utilitarian culture. Where it's like, well, yeah, we have the room. We should have pussy here. You know what I mean?

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Go to the showers.

• 24:28Stavros Halkias?

  The shower is a gentleman's way to fuck.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Or go hiking to do. We, so it was at this place we stayed. It was like, there's an oasis. It's all polluted now, but it's dunes, sand dunes as far as you can see. I'm sure they've shot movies there.

• 24:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. That's beautiful. Where was this?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Uh, Peru.

• 24:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah. Damn, I want to go. I've never been to South America. I should do, this trip sounds awesome.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:48Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know about the backpacking, but I'll go to like.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  Minor city. I mean, it's cool if you're there, but no one's flying straight there. It's not like Machu Picchu, where it's super famous. And, um, met some Australians. It was one of those where I saw some people that, that I saw recognized and I'm like, dude, generally I wouldn't, but if I do and I'm looking to party, this face is a weapon.

• 25:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  I'm like, hey, I'm invited for sure. Let's go. Get around.

• 25:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, if you're a fucking, if you're some weird Australian who like, you know, is familiar with your work. If you're, if you're backpacking, the dream is you see a bearded, derelict Ari Shaffir. Like, hey mate, you remember that guy that we was, we were laughing at? I got drinks with him. I fingered a girl with him. Like, that's, that's the best story of all time. Me and Ari Shaffir ran a train on this girl over in Machu Picchu.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Oh dude, we had so much of these two minors, these two minor Australians. They're like on six months, off six months. Oh, no, no, no.

• 25:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, literal like.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, adults. Yeah, adult minors. Yeah.

• 25:45Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, you know, bink, bink, bink.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we're talking about how, how fuck, state of origin shit, whatever. And then I kept seeing him go to the bathroom and I'm like, well, I know what an Australian is. So I followed him once, soon as the door closed.

• 25:55Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, you seem really, you seem really energetic after every piss you take.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  I just kicked the bathroom door open. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, line up.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's the police, let me snort some cocaine. Or we're sending you back to Brisbane.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  But some chick lost her phone. She was like, my phone was stolen. Because there were kind of, there was some stories about like drugging people and taking all their stuff there.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  And she goes, I lost my phone.

• 26:20Stavros Halkias?

  At hostels specifically?

• 26:22Speaker 01

  At these, at bars there, where the cab driver was like, you want a free shot? I'll drive you home. And a dude fell for it because we've never been drugged.

• 26:28Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  And then woke up with nothing.

• 26:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  But some chick was like, my phone was stolen. I was like, but you weren't drugged? She goes, no. I'm like, you sure it wasn't when you were fucking in the dunes? And she was like, it definitely wasn't that. I'm like, and we're like, when did you have a last? Like, right before I went to the dunes to go fuck this guy.

• 26:45Speaker 01

  I think it might have been.

• 26:46Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's in the dunes.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Because once you look, it's covers, it's gone.

• 26:49Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  And she was like, no. And we're like, lady, it's okay. But that's where you go fuck.

• 26:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  You find out, let's go fuck in the dunes, let's go fuck in the Amazon.

• 26:57Stavros Halkias?

  So you never jacked off in your bed with other people?

• 26:59Speaker 01

  A hundred percent I did. So many times.

• 27:03Stavros Halkias?

  But it's more gentle.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Quiet.

• 27:04Stavros Halkias?

  But quiet.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  I'm in a dune.

• 27:06Stavros Halkias?

  Short strokes.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  So also, you want to.

• 27:07Stavros Halkias?

  One eighth strokes.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  You want to, if you're lying down, you can go straight, or you can just do a little, little curve. And then if you see a little curve, then what you don't get is this.

• 27:16Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  You have some space.

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  Right. And for our, for our audio only listeners.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  You're fucking up.

• 27:22Stavros Halkias?

  Ari is showing you how to use your thigh to disguise jacking off.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  Like, so imagine.

• 27:28Stavros Halkias?

  And maybe you put your T-shirt over it as well.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  No, but imagine there's a blanket.

• 27:31Stavros Halkias?

  A blank, a blanket?

• 27:32Speaker 01

  So there's a blanket, and then you're just like.

• 27:34Stavros Halkias?

  So you, you tend to the blanket and you short stroke it so that your hand does not, now look.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  If they're looking at your elbow, they're seeing some motion, but who's really peering in that much?

• 27:43Speaker 01

  You don't make any noise.

• 27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Are there curtains or no?

• 27:46Speaker 01

  In the good ones, yeah.

• 27:46Stavros Halkias?

  In the good ones.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  You get a privacy curtain, so you're fine.

• 27:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  But sometimes on the top bunk and that's all you get, there's no privacy curtains.

• 27:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  And, yeah, lame, but sometimes you just gotta.

• 27:57Stavros Halkias?

  And you're, at any point in your life, did you ever fuck in one of those? Even when you were more reckless, did you ever fuck in?

• 28:03Speaker 01

  I tried once. I got turned down by a girl. I was, she was like, I'll just sleep with you, but like, why not do anything? I'm like, okay, but I'm not.

• 28:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  That's not what I'm hearing.

• 28:11Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  So that it's like trying.

• 28:13Stavros Halkias?

  I wouldn't, I would, I would keep that conversation for your lawyer, Ari.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Just I'm gonna like make it out, you know? And it's like, okay, and then it's like, and she's like, no, I'm not in a dorm. Like, fair, fair, fair.

• 28:23Stavros Halkias?

  Which is completely fair.

• 28:24Speaker 01

  Completely fair.

• 28:25Stavros Halkias?

  She was completely right. She wanted to fuck you, but you were like, let's go to this communal, let's go, you wanna fuck in a, on the lower bunk bed? While some German is above us?

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Well, the cool thing is like, I'm faking it money wise while I'm there. I'm not gonna say, let's do something more expensive than you guys are capable. I will always defer to the poorest one. Cause I'm like, I'll do your experience. I'm not gonna be the, you know, I don't wanna like ruin it for anybody.

• 28:47Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  And also.

• 28:48Stavros Halkias?

  And I think with you, it is authentic. I think other people would be trying to be poor, but I just do, there, you just do wanna do whatever. You're, you are honestly down for whatever in a, in a very hilarious way.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  And I'll sell myself on the lie pretty fast. You know, you ever use an excuse is like, I hurt my leg and then I legitimately walk all the way.

• 29:05Stavros Halkias?

  You start limping?

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then somebody's like, you get mad like, dude, is that how you handle fucking handicap people? And you're like, but you're lying, but I believed it.

• 29:12Stavros Halkias?

  But they don't know I'm lying. And they're still being very anti handicap, the anti handicap, or I guess, is handicap the right one now? Disabled community?

• 29:21Speaker 01

  I think they're more abled.

• 29:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow, that's beautiful. That, and that's beautiful.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Thank you. Click that like button. Smash that like right now.

• 29:32Stavros Halkias?

  The closest I've come to, I almost jacked off in the bus once, Eldis, but I just, I couldn't do it.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  In the bus?

• 29:39Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 29:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:40Speaker 02

  I thought about it. I was like, would I, what would it take for me to try to beat off in my bunk?

• 29:44Speaker 01

  I mean, you got the curtains.

• 29:46Stavros Halkias?

  You got the curtains, but it's just, you don't want jizz air in the bus.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  You don't want jizz air.

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Well, how are you doing it? You can't have free flying jizz.

• 29:53Stavros Halkias?

  No, of course, you're in the bank, you're, you're in the bunk. Cause I had thought, I was like, what would I do? Cause I, my dick was hard. Someone had sent me a titty pic.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:01Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm like, interesting, this is pretty cool.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  This resulted in a lengthening of my body parts.

• 30:05Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm like, and I'm, and I was, I think maybe, and I wasn't sure if some, now, maybe I was saved by the fact that I thought someone else was in the back. Cause if I was fully alone.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Alone, how could you not?

• 30:15Stavros Halkias?

  My dick was hard, I probably would've just jerked my shit.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  You know what the biggest deterrent was for me on this go around? Last spring, the curtain was much heavier than it was on like the.

• 30:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's supposed to lighter curtain, you're right.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  You're right. I think it was still that same heavyweight, like even sound muffling curtain. It's like, I'm not gonna do it on the first run, cause I'm a little too cagey.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  And you wanna hear if you hear anybody else do it too.

• 30:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. And we know JP's not beating off. He's, he probably doesn't even be, he probably, he probably like has to go to confession right after he jacks off. He's too, he's too good of a Catholic boy to do it.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  Funny when the, when the bus company's telling you what they're like, oh, listen, there's a shower, oh, we have closet space here, or there's a whole separate area. They don't sell you on the thickness of the curtain for jacketing.

• 31:01Stavros Halkias?

  No. And I will say, I did like our, the first bus we had did, and the, the, not only did it have, it was at a thick curtain, it but, buttoned all the way down.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nice.

• 31:12Stavros Halkias?

  You were completely like, oh, fuck. Oh, this is shoddy job of putting up the soundproofing panel. A, a soundproof panel just fell. Hopefully the albacan caught it.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  If you just start getting way echoey in here, you'll know it's, all this is great help.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  I guess those stickies didn't hold. Didn't have time to screw them in.

• 31:31Stavros Halkias?

  A sound panel with fucking 3M stickies that he got from CVS.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Over, under on this one falling?

• 31:37Speaker 01

  I mean, it's crooked already.

• 31:38Stavros Halkias?

  We'll find, yeah, it is crooked. They were both crooked.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's either like the towel and you're like jizz under the towel, but that's air or inside out sock or something where it's completely enclosed.

• 31:48Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  And there is never any air.

• 31:49Stavros Halkias?

  I think I probably would have gone shield the jizz with my hand, minimum.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Shield it.

• 31:55Stavros Halkias?

  And then probably, yeah.

• 31:58Stavros Halkias?

  Put the iron dome over my dick.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  You're wanting on your chin anyway. Especially if you got facial hair. That's not coming out as easily as your youth. That's a whole process.

• 32:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Oh, you shaved the beard? I don't wanna talk about it.

• 32:11Stavros Halkias?

  Like getting gum. Jesus, what are you eating? Your jizz is so sticky, you had to shave your beard. It's like, yeah, I went to the doctor right after that. Turns out, yeah, I have a, I have a massive protein deficiency.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, one time I was with, hooking up with a chick. She's like, I'm not fucking in a dorm. And I was like, okay. And so then I was like, I'll pay for a private.

• 32:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  And she's like, but you already have a dorm. I was like, hey, secretly, I have over $100 in the bank.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Don't tell anybody else it'll get weird, but I'm a hundred air.

• 32:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A pri- a pri- yeah, that's, that's nice. So, interesting. So, a lot of people just had no, that's fun too, that when no one had a frame of, most people didn't have a frame of reference for who you were on this trip.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Zilch.

• 32:51Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Here or there, sure, but mostly, I'm just some guy.

• 32:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  It was a little out of the age group.

• 32:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. If I, yeah, what I would do, I would probably like, get contacts and cut my hair before I did this, so that I just look like a different guy a little bit.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  I shaved, I shaved everything, bald.

• 33:06Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, what if I, really?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, bald, bald.

• 33:08Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:09Stavros Halkias?

  I was assuming you had the bushiest beard of your fucking life.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  No, this is nine months of, of growth.

• 33:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, did you shave it and then just keep it going?

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I shaved it in the, in the layover in Mexico City to get there.

• 33:18Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  I went to the bathroom and fucking ruined a bathroom.

• 33:22Stavros Halkias?

  What a piece of shit. The fucking janitor. Like, imagine, the, all the messes you think you're gonna find in an airport bathroom? A guy shaving his full beard and hair? You'll find jizz, you'll find shit, blood.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Have a metal, needles.

• 33:38Stavros Halkias?

  And it's all you have a little.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Clean up guy going, well, I thought I had seen it all. I thought today was gonna be another diarrhea day.

• 33:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking hilarious, dude. That would piss me off so fucking much, dude. Cause it's like, honestly, I would rather wipe up a little shit than fucking have to deal with all your weird. And they're like, how much of these are pubes, you're thinking? Even though, yeah, they kinda look like pubes. Damn, that's fucking hilarious. That's awesome, dude. This episode is brought to you by Visible, the smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises, we love it. We just got a new assistant, she loves it, she's taking all our sushi orders, they're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick.

• 34:29Stavros Halkias?

  They sponsor the Stobbies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month. With promo code STAVI. Terms apply. Oh baby, the fall, October, a chill in the air. The leaves are turning, your body's all messed up, it's dark outside, fast. You're getting off, you gotta switch from summer to the fall? That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start.

• 35:13Stavros Halkias?

  One scoop cold water every morning before anything else. AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, including vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics. And you're not gonna believe this, superfoods. It's backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials and specifically formulated to support immune defense. So you could stay ahead of the season. I'm loving AG1, you know, I'm back in, I'm back at it with the health. Stavi gets ripped is coming back. AG1 is now, now they're a nice building block to me. Keep checking back, folks, let's see how it's going. I'm feeling more energetic, I'm ready to go. And I will say, other little vitamin, I've tried a lot of stuff. The taste of AG1 is pretty delectable while you're getting healthy.

• 35:59Stavros Halkias?

  Go to drinkag1.com/stavi and for a limited time, get a free immune support bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi. What about the best, what's the best, you know, we're a gourmand podcast here. What's the best bite you had on your journey?

• 36:25Speaker 01

  Bro, okay.

• 36:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  The concession game in movie theaters in Mexico is you can't say USA number one anymore. After you've been to these places.

• 36:35Stavros Halkias?

  You can't say that for a lot of reasons anymore. China's just beating us overall, Mexico's got us in movie, movie snacks.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Okay, first of all, you split the popcorn down the middle whenever you want, just like a Garrett's popcorn. You know, so you can choose your flavors. What are the flavors? Obviously, there's butter, obviously, there's plain with salt, obviously, there's kettle corn. There's also Doritos, Cheetos. Doritos and Cheetos popcorn.

• 36:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god, this is incredible.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Doritos flavored popcorn with crumbled up Dorito pieces in it.

• 37:02Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck.

• 37:02Speaker 01

  Same with Cheetos.

• 37:03Stavros Halkias?

  How are they beating us at snacks? That's the one thing America should have.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  Dude, they care.

• 37:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's what pisses me off about Ireland, their spice bag. How did they come up with a better?

• 37:12Speaker 01

  A spice?

• 37:13Stavros Halkias?

  You know spice bag? It's like a chicken tender, it's a Chinese chicken, it's like chicken tender spice in an incredible Szechuan way.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:20Stavros Halkias?

  With fries and it's like, and like onions and shit. How the fuck did the Irish beat us at a fried chicken and fries?

• 37:28Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 37:28Stavros Halkias?

  Chinese fusion. It, it's, it, it literally hurt my pa, any patriotism I had for America was really dinged when I found out the, the Irish did a better.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  If it was like the plain potato area, it'd be like, yeah, okay, you got it.

• 37:41Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  You guys beat on that, but.

• 37:42Stavros Halkias?

  I guess that's true. I guess, I guess I didn't think of it as potato first.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:46Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, I guess I didn't think of it as like, okay, the Irish have a lot on good.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  Adding the chicken to it.

• 37:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they started with what they know and then they found Chinese people.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Dude, I was with a group who were high, we're watching that movie, uh, Weapons.

• 37:58Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm, in Mex, in Mexico?

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was called The Hour of Disappearance down there.

• 38:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's a.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Much better title.

• 38:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's a cool, yeah, that's a, uh, it's a, it sounds like a more prestigious movie.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  The Hour of Disappearance.

• 38:07Stavros Halkias?

  I like Weapons for what it is, but that's a cool, that is cool.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Um, um, I don't know why they changed that. Weapons, they have a word for it in Spanish.

• 38:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, what is it?

• 38:17Speaker 01

  I don't know, but.

• 38:18Stavros Halkias?

  So they have it.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  Didn't come across. When I was in Israel and, uh, Groundhog Day came out.

• 38:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh wow.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  They did not have Groundhog Day, so that wouldn't be anything. They called it, I'll see you again tomorrow.

• 38:28Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's fucking crazy.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  But Weapons, you could do that. Uh, anyway.

• 38:32Stavros Halkias?

  When was this, were you a birthright? What did you do?

• 38:34Speaker 01

  No, I used to live there when I was, when I was, uh.

• 38:36Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right. Damn dude. You've had a hilarious life. I forgot about that. Were you, you were studying there or what was it?

• 38:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, studying.

• 38:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's right. We, we talked about it on a, on another one.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  So then they go, uh, do you want squizzles or that? And we're all like, we're like, Skittles? And like, I was like, no, squizzles. And then some of the group's like, what's squizzles? I'm like, bro, we're getting it.

• 38:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  You'll find out when we eat it. Obviously, we're gonna get squizzles.

• 38:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  It's gummies that you put hot sauce on.

• 39:02Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, bro.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  That was the first time I was like, I think I'm gonna enjoy new moments here.

• 39:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, so we're talking popcorn Doritos, we're talking squizzles. We're talking, did they have any like traditional Mexican food? Like the way you get a hot dog here, could you get a good taco there?

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Baseball games, fuck a hot dog. It's full plates of like, of like playudas and moles and fucking burritos.

• 39:25Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yes.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Little twelve year old girl serving beer.

• 39:28Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  It was just so, it was so fun. And then full places going back, who wants? You know, with like the three sections?

• 39:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  They have those.

• 39:35Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yeah, dude. That's fucking awesome.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  The Doritos locals will crack it up in front of you, pour all the shit in and just give it to you in the bag.

• 39:41Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome. Jesus Christ.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was.

• 39:43Stavros Halkias?

  So the movie theaters in Mexico are out of control. What was your best like restaurant meal experience? Or give me best street food and then also best restaurant?

• 39:50Speaker 01

  So from there, so that's the best probably in North America is Mexico.

• 39:53Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Food wise.

• 39:54Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  They care. Everything is like elevated. Mexico City, sure, but all over Mexico.

• 39:59Stavros Halkias?

  All over Mexico, okay.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  And each region, they really celebrate their own shit. So like Oaxaca's mole, I don't really love it that much.

• 40:05Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not really a mole guy either.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  I tried every, I went to the source, tried every type.

• 40:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'll try it if, when I'm there, just because I, you know, you know, I like to take, I take food very seriously.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  I know. I know. So we went to this, this like, whatever, these cliffs with like canyon. And we went, we went, what's it called? On this boat through these canyons and you see all this crazy shit. It's a wild stuff near Palenque.

• 40:33Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yeah, dude.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  As soon as you start, they go, well, let's.

• 40:35Stavros Halkias?

  So is it seafood if it's like?

• 40:37Speaker 01

  No, this is like a, this is like a two and a half hour boat ride back and they pick you up.

• 40:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, sick, sick.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  But as soon as you start, they go, well, let's go by the bar boat first. But this is like a national, US national park, but there. And they're like, who wants micheladas? And we're like, yeah.

• 40:51Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  For the boat?

• 40:52Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  We would never have that. We were like, you can't even bring booze with you, let alone.

• 40:58Stavros Halkias?

  Some parks will have like little like concession areas, but yes, not in the same way. Like even in Amsterdam, you go in like their little. Like, you know, go on Vumble Park or whatever, which is a big urban park. Or whatever, but it is not. I guess that's kind of more like Central Park than what you're talking about. But I do, I love when a park has a little, because what's, you go on a little hike and then you fucking.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  And like, takes two, three, two hours. They're here to the beer.

• 41:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  You should have beers for this.

• 41:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Like, yeah.

• 41:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Dude, a Michelada on a fucking boat.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Or the crackers. So that's not official, but we have those guys that are like serving a purpose. You're sitting at Central Park, somebody comes with a cracker and like, yeah, whatever.

• 41:33Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, what's this?

• 41:34Speaker 01

  It's those little things that the, with vodka in it.

• 41:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  It's a crack, totally illegal. The cops know they're doing a service. They're not bugging them.

• 41:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  You know?

• 41:44Stavros Halkias?

  There is nothing better than beautiful scenery and a, and like, a little, like, my cousin for her wedding had, she had like, it was in Greece and she rented a boat.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:57Stavros Halkias?

  And it was like, you're all, you know, you're taking this boat through Greece, you know, through this, through an island. And they're taking you to a, they're taking you to a beach you cannot walk to. You have to, you have to take boat access to.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Damn nice.

• 42:10Stavros Halkias?

  And you're seeing beautiful shit. You're, you know, you're jumping off into, you're swimming. And they break and they fucking grill and they have, you know, they fucking make a pork chop lunch and shit right there.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  On the.

• 42:21Stavros Halkias?

  On, with fresh salad and shit. And then the boat stops. You swim to the island and they're, it's, they stop right where the sun sets. And you're sitting there with a fucking beer and you're just, it's the best shit of all time, dude. Like, I love to combine the nature's splendor with just a little, just whatever makes you happy.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:44Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever thing you consume that makes you happy.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  Get one J with you.

• 42:47Stavros Halkias?

  A nice spliff where you're only a little high.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:50Stavros Halkias?

  And you're fucking drinking a couple beers.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Splister King down there. Splister King, where it just gets you a little high if you get to smoke something.

• 42:56Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Dirt weed anyway.

• 42:57Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  So it's not going to bury you like here.

• 42:59Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Thirty-two percent THC. Dude, give me a nice eleven.

• 43:03Stavros Halkias?

  I got some, I got some nice brand. I've, I've become very addicted to weed again with, after breaking my arm and fucking my back up.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:09Stavros Halkias?

  And I've been using weed like paint, so I don't do paint bills. And, and I, it's kind of embarrassing, dude. I'm literally the guy who goes to the dispensary and had, I had like a twenty-minute conversation about weed with the, with the woman who owns the dispensary. I love the dispensary, it's incredible. Mighty Lucky, I'll, I'll just shout them out. They're, they're great. And I will literally just go and be like. Now is this, I was like, is this grown outside? Like, I'm asking questions like that. It's fucked up. They have, dude, this is actually so sick. They have a microscope where they show you the weed under a microscope and you see all the crystals and shit. And you smell, they'll let you smell it. I'm, I've become that guy, dude. It's incredible, you should check. If you're looking for like, and they have some great light weeds too, if you just want that kind of stuff.

• 43:54Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a big fan.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's when I started smoking weed in L.A. I was like, hey, I used to smoke a cigarette while I wrote.

• 43:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  And I'm like, I wanna, I don't wanna smoke cigarettes anymore. But if I smoke a joint, I'm done. And she goes, Mexican weed, we have you.

• 44:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's all.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  It's five dollars an eighth.

• 44:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  And you're like, okay, great.

• 44:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's a dream.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  This'll barely get you buzzed.

• 44:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's a dream, dude. Well, now I have to, what I have to do now is I need to go, uh, I need to get my tolerance back down. So I've actually started.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  Back?

• 44:23Stavros Halkias?

  I've stopped doing edibles.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, good.

• 44:25Stavros Halkias?

  And I want, and I'm just trying to completely wean myself off so I can restart my relationship with weed in a much more healthy way. Where like, now, like dude, when I fuck.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  You don't know how long it's gonna last.

• 44:37Stavros Halkias?

  But like, like dude, when this, when I first broke this, I was taking 200 milligrams a night just to fucking pass out.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  200 a night?

• 44:43Stavros Halkias?

  I got to the point where it was like.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  You're using it as pills?

• 44:46Stavros Halkias?

  I did that twice. It, it was like, I started at like 80. Then it was like, hmm, I need a little more.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 44:53Stavros Halkias?

  I need a little more. And every, every day I was taking 10 milligrams more.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  Half your listeners are like, five is enough for me.

• 44:58Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I know, that, that used to be me too.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:01Stavros Halkias?

  What happened was on tour, I got so, cause I'd been off weed, I'd been sober until we started the tour.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  I know.

• 45:08Stavros Halkias?

  And then, and then there's no way to be, like, there's no way to sleep on tour. Like, on a bus, sober, where you're like, I just performed for 2,000 people.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  He fell out of his bunk.

• 45:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. Did he also, wait, did he break his arm? What, didn't he do something?

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Bobby's so fat, I think it protected him all over. He's fat in a different way.

• 45:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he is, he is.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  He's more evenly.

• 45:30Stavros Halkias?

  He's not, he's not even that fat, he's just a, a, a slight man.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  He's a munchichi.

• 45:34Stavros Halkias?

  He's just a little guy.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's the thing, it's like, I think, I don't understand why Bobby's identity should not have been fat, right?

• 45:43Stavros Halkias?

  You should have bounced.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:45Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, and so I started again and I got too overzealous with it. And one night I took those, um, you know, tincture, the tinctures.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:52Stavros Halkias?

  There's no way to accurately measure that. And I, dude, I literally like, like, did like fucking ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then I looked at it and it was like, you know, each one of those was seven milligrams, right? And I did like fucking, uh, you know, off the rip, I did like seven of them.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:10Stavros Halkias?

  And I had already taken a different edible and we were smoking weed. And so I just woke, I was high the whole day. I was high for like thirty six hours.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  I love those.

• 46:20Stavros Halkias?

  It was awesome, but after that, my, my tolerance was like, you have to do fifty just to get it going.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  Those people that carry around torches and you're like, dude, you've lost it. If you gotta carry on these rigs with a welding mask to be able to smoke weed and it's like, this isn't working for you.

• 46:34Stavros Halkias?

  I know that, that, that's, I was like, I can't start doing dabs now.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's what, that's actually what I need. I need to do the crack version of, of weed.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Those people all think they're normal. They just bring it out and like, bro, bro, no. Yeah, it's like talking to a porn star and she just casually talking about squirting or madam McDonald's like, buddy.

• 46:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  I get it, it's fine, but not here.

• 46:54Stavros Halkias?

  I like that. Yeah, exactly. It's like, let's chill.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Children around.

• 46:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  What's the furthest you've squirted? Dude, dude, I get it. Let's talk in private about this.

• 47:03Stavros Halkias?

  This is an Adam twenty two's podcast.

• 47:10Stavros Halkias?

  Don't talk about that, man. We're a fucking public.

• 47:14Stavros Halkias?

  But, you know, no disrespect, we do, we're very pro ho here and we would love to have those conversations in private gals, but you know.

• 47:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Peru probably had the best in South America food. It was the most varied ceviche. They have, so their ceviche, Ecuadorian ceviche, they're all different, but Peruvian ceviche is great.

• 47:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, Peruvian chicken. Do you get like the rota? Is that a real thing there? Is that an American like?

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Yep. And they also have. Guinea pig, which is the best.

• 47:42Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  It's the best.

• 47:43Stavros Halkias?

  Guinea pig is good?

• 47:44Speaker 01

  It's so good. Coolie, coolie, bro. It's a delicacy. People like, I mean, you can't have it. For a graduation, you have it. But nothing like, you know, Ryan O'Neal?

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 47:53Speaker 01

  Comic. So he came, he was like, I want to go to Machu Picchu. I was like, I'll let you know when I'm close. So he came, we did it.

• 47:57Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  And I was like, you want to try Guinea pig? I'm, I'm telling, I have a sandwich that I've been trying to get people to eat that they won't. It's, it's on a bagel, everything or other, um, not cinnamon raisin, peanut butter, and then hard salami. People like, it's gross. I won't try it. I'm like, it's fine. I love it. One or two people in my 15 years at the comic store tried it. And they're like, oh, this is awesome.

• 48:19Stavros Halkias?

  I'll try it.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  So if you're willing to try something, and he was.

• 48:23Stavros Halkias?

  I, yeah, I also think that, that actually makes sense to me because we're talking about the richness of the peanut butter, the sweetness of the jelly and like a salt, like salt and sweet is a classic thing. And the peanut butter kind of cuts both of them.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:38Stavros Halkias?

  So I could see that really working, actually, depending on which type of salami you get.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. It's the hard, it's the send your, uh, salami to your son in the army.

• 48:46Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Let it, let it get a little harder.

• 48:48Stavros Halkias?

  You're really using that as salt more than anything. It doesn't really taste like meat at that point. It's really the salt content I would, and the fattiness of it too, I guess. And if you have a, if you have a thick enough.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  I'm gonna make you one. You're in my neighborhood.

• 48:59Stavros Halkias?

  If you have a thick enough bread, that would look, be really good. You know, that'd be good on a bialy.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Ooh, interesting with the onion taste right there in the middle.

• 49:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that would add a little, the softness of it and then a little onion just to kind of, just to kind of kick that up and see, just in the middle, that's the beauty of the bialy. It's not everywhere. You just get one bite of the onion and that's a little weirdness to it on already interesting sandwich.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Bialy is the only type of bagel you eat with intention. Regular bagels, eat whatever order. Bialy is like, how much of the middle should I save? Should I go right to it?

• 49:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Every bite, a little onion?

• 49:29Stavros Halkias?

  I love a bialy. Is that, was that the proto-bagel? Where did the, what happened with the bialy?

• 49:33Speaker 01

  I don't know. What happened to it?

• 49:34Stavros Halkias?

  We need to do a full, we need, you know, we need, we need like a baker on here. We need to do a culinary episode every month, Aldous. I want a real, I want a chef. I want, yeah, I want.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  When did kale stop being a, a plate for fucking food at the, at the Pizza Hut?

• 49:49Stavros Halkias?

  2004, 2005.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Remember the pizza salad bar?

• 49:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Kale was just in between the plates.

• 49:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, I know, it's crazy. And I'm gonna say 2004, 2005 is when it started. And by 2009, it was all, 2010, it was all over the place.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  You think that's like big kale going like, we gotta make a push?

• 50:04Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely, it was some guy was like, uh, what if we, that's, I mean, it's all marketing. It's like Stanley cups were nothing and then some guy marketed them that way.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  Becomes, oh, they're the best ones.

• 50:14Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, and I think somebody understood how to, doesn't Andy Haynes have a great kale about this? About kale's agent? Like kale got a great agent?

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:23Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I think so. See if you can find that bit, maybe we'll put it on here for some free promo for Andy Haynes.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Stick it up the middle.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  Uh, I'm saying, I'm saying the transformation began when a marketing agency named Padilla CRT was hired by American Produce Board.

• 50:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the produce board hired a, a marketing, they hired Don Draper, basically.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  To rebrand kale as a nutrient-dense superfood.

• 50:44Stavros Halkias?

  What if we told gay guys this would make them hot if they ate it?

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Gayless celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce and Michelle Obama.

• 50:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, oh, smart. Gwyneth is exactly who you want for that, yeah.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  It's like, yeah, what's their version of making Snoop wear a Alexander Julian colors shirt on SNL?

• 51:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Like, just put it on, dude, just wear it.

• 51:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. All right, so Peru had the best stuff. And, uh, so did they have Peruvian chicken there or is that an American?

• 51:12Speaker 01

  No, they did.

• 51:12Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then they had also, uh, cow hearts, antecucho.

• 51:16Stavros Halkias?

  I like.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  Grilled cow hearts.

• 51:17Stavros Halkias?

  Heart is good. Heart and tongue, heart, tongue and fucking, uh, what is, uh, head is good, like, uh, is good. That shit's good.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  Cabeza.

• 51:25Stavros Halkias?

  Cabeza, I need a little cabeza.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, they had the most different kinda stuff.

• 51:29Stavros Halkias?

  In both ways, by the way.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  And the fresh fruit, GMOs are illegal in Peru.

• 51:33Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  Um, they're like, why, everything grows here?

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  We, what are we doing that for?

• 51:38Stavros Halkias?

  We're good.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, um.

• 51:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the vegetables must have tasted so much better.

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Oh, the fruits. The fruits are like, you eat a fruit that, I mean, I wonder if it's like this in Greece. Some of it's kind of barren.

• 51:50Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, the fruits are.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  And you taste it, you're like, oh, this is like the candy version of the fruit.

• 51:54Stavros Halkias?

  It's incredible.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  When they have a Jolly Rancher flavor of something and you're like.

• 51:57Stavros Halkias?

  A fig in Greece is like so sweet and awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good, dude. So fucking incredible. Some grapes, some fucking cherries and shit.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Dude, you should go to the island you told, well, I, in Sedo Durham, you told me where to go.

• 52:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  I actually don't want to say these things out loud.

• 52:11Stavros Halkias?

  We don't have to say the name. We can gatekeep it a little longer.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:14Stavros Halkias?

  In fact, let's gatekeep it until we like, because we've, we've also thought, this is also my disease of trying to make everything work.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  But like, I want to go on like my own vacation vacation, but then how nice would it be to fucking fly everybody out? And like, we do a little travel doc, we do a couple of podcast episodes, and then the whole team gets basically a vaca- we work for a week.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  And let me tell you something you might want to know. That whole thing is tax deductible.

• 52:36Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. Thank you. I like how you're, you have to make it smaller to be antisemitic. You squeezed it.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Still out pretty far.

• 52:48Stavros Halkias?

  Still pretty far, bro. Pretty far, pretty far. I love that. Yeah. My tax attorney, Ari Shaffir. This, I love the travel. We, that hopefully, I doubt it, but hopefully Elders has some travel questions queued up. There's probably no way on earth.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Dude, I, but I do, when I do my travel podcast, you betcha I'll bleep out names of places.

• 53:08Stavros Halkias?

  Smart.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  I don't want to have any part in making a line around the block of American tourists.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. That is, that is the catch 22 because it's like, especially like some food bloggers, they'll, sometimes it's great to give restaurants like some pub, but it's like.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  Sometimes they're doing fine. They're not about to go out of business. That's a different story.

• 53:26Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  They're doing fine.

• 53:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's so weird when everyone, no, has any business ever been saved when they're like, we're going out of business, we need help? It never happens. It's just what happens is people just eat there a lot for two months and then it goes out of business.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  That's what happened at the dog cafe near my, near my place. We all really, it was like, it was a gem in the, in the neighborhood, in the East Village. And we're like, that sucks. And you could go there, before I had a dog, I would go there, drink some coffee and play with dogs, fill my heart.

• 53:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  And when they were going out of business, I was like saddened by it. And I really tried to help. Back in business for three months and then they sold.

• 53:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  They're like, well, we actually can't. We need someone else to operate this.

• 53:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's just untenable sometimes, but why don't we take all the wisdom already received from the South American continent and pour it into our listeners.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  Answer some fuck questions.

• 54:09Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Buddy, you would have loved this trip. You would have loved being on it if you could get away from like you're skyrocketing to what's tough. I'm where I am. So like it's easier for me.

• 54:20Stavros Halkias?

  We're gonna level off, don't worry. Very soon.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  Once you level off though, then it's like now's the time.

• 54:25Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. No, I know. It's fun, dude, it's this funny thing where I'm like, everything I get, I'm the most surprised people. I'm the most surprised person every time I get, I'm like, what? And it's got in this weird place where it's like you see, you sound like a lunatic because I'm just like, I'm actively rooting against my own career. I'm like, please.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  Give me some time.

• 54:44Stavros Halkias?

  Like this, this Avatar movie, I was like, I blew the audition, I'm not gonna get it. I was like, I was like, oh, it was cool to, you know, I got to the, you know, I actually auditioned with the guys, that was cool, I met them, no big deal, maybe something in the future. And then when I got it, I was happy and then I was like, fuck, I, what I wanted was to do a really good job at the audition and not get it. You know what I mean?

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, so they don't hate you.

• 55:06Stavros Halkias?

  So don't hate me, but it's like, they just got, they just really wanted some other fat guy, you know what I mean? I was like, God, come on, I'm like trying to be like, guys, don't you, don't you want someone with a southern accent to play this part?

• 55:15Speaker 01

  I'm about to get on weight loss. They're like, don't, don't do that.

• 55:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, literally, I did, I did have a fucking.

• 55:25Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? That's perfect. Let's, uh, let's take, let's take a call, Eldis.

• 55:30Speaker 03

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• 56:12Speaker 03

  That's C-O-O-P, sleepgoods.com/comedy.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  Dana, listen, I want to talk to you about. Something every Thursday, you do know that we're hanging out with some of the biggest names in comedy and entertainment, right?

• 56:23Stavros Halkias?

  Are you kidding me? Who's been on this show?

• 56:26Speaker 04

  We have great people, a lot of fun. And Mondays, it's you and I to ourselves. We riff on life, pop culture, clips online, every stupid thing. So everybody out there, join us Mondays, Thursdays, fly on the wall, wherever you get your podcasts. It's a lot of fun. It's a lot of laughs and it's a lot of stupidity.

• 56:46Speaker 05

  Dobby, Elvis, esteemed guest. I'm trying to scan. I left out some important info. But I'm in Don. I've been seeing this girl for the past month with the biggest, heaviest, softest, natural tits. I've never personally witnessed in my life.

• 57:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, give him a try. Thank you.

• 57:05Speaker 05

  All set on a very tiny waist. So I am head over heels physically for this woman as well as emotionally. She is very nice.

• 57:15Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  Also, I guess I should mention, she's cool.

• 57:19Stavros Halkias?

  He, one of the most impassioned descriptions of her and the little, the little waist is the part where I'm like, all right, man, she has huge, we don't have to know she has a little. He's like, by the way.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  These aren't fat tits.

• 57:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's him being like, she ain't fat, by the way, boys.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  I know what you're thinking. Fatty boom body. Uh-uh.

• 57:36Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, nothing wrong with that. A nice, big pair of fat titties.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Good honkers.

• 57:41Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, I love that as well as emotional. And then the first thing he says is she's very nice.

• 57:49Stavros Halkias?

  But let's fit it. Let's, let's at least give him a chance to eloquently describe what he likes about her.

• 57:54Speaker 05

  Anyways, so I am head over heels physically for this woman as well as emotionally. She is very nice, treats me very, very well. Or so I thought.

• 58:06Stavros Halkias?

  Pause.

• 58:08Stavros Halkias?

  Nice and treats me well. Nothing about her personality. Not, not like she's an artist. I'm really interested in that. Not she's an inquisitive person. He's just like, yeah, she has manners and she's not rude to me and her tits are fucking bigger than my head. So I love her.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  I love her.

• 58:23Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, let's.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  Whenever you have somebody that like, he treats me well. And it's like, who, that, who've you dated?

• 58:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, that's the baseline.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Of course they all should.

• 58:32Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone should treat you well and be nice to you. That's like getting into college. You can still fail. It's like, anyway, go ahead, go ahead, Elvis.

• 58:41Speaker 05

  So like I said, I've been seeing her for a month. Uh, and.

• 58:47Speaker 05

  Just the other day, uh, she shows up at the gym I work at, uh, with her husband and two kids.

• 58:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh!

• 59:00Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yeah.

• 59:01Speaker 05

  Both of our surprise. Uh, we locked eyes. I didn't say anything. I did not reveal anything.

• 59:06Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 59:07Speaker 05

  Good. Uh, but, uh, we, we both knew we saw each other. Uh, the husband, uh, is probably like six five, kinda like two sixty.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  Can you pause for a second? This guy's a great storyteller.

• 59:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  He's revealing things as it went. He doesn't fuck it up.

• 59:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  Been like, hey, my girlfriend was, was a, was a married man.

• 59:29Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  It was like, you, you let, it's.

• 59:31Stavros Halkias?

  This is a nice call. He's breadcrumbing us. He lets us make fun of him for certain things. Now we're back on his side. This is good.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Just you wait. Yeah, we're back on his side. Now he's been abused.

• 59:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep.

• 59:41Speaker 05

  Both just pure muscle and rage from what it seems. Um.

• 59:47Speaker 05

  I am, I'm, I'm, don't get me wrong, I'm mildly, uh, fit myself, but, uh, I'm a little Filipino guy. I'm five five, um, little, little funny fella.

• 1:00:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome to call yourself a little tiny fella. He's got a pretty deep voice. I wouldn't have thought.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  He's Filipino, is that what you said?

• 1:00:07Stavros Halkias?

  Five five Filipino, he does not sound like one.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Does not sound like Filipino at all.

• 1:00:10Stavros Halkias?

  Which was, which probably would happen is like, how many kids did we know growing up that were little as fuck and that had to like, he's like, you ever meet those kids that fake the deep voice until it's stuck? Like, I swear to God, I knew kids growing up that just like, hey, man, how's it going? It was kinda like how trans people change their voices. Like those guys, the, there are guys who are like femininely voiced that voice trained to sound more masculine. I know guys who have such deep voices that are unnatural and they're just stuck. I bet you that's what this guy did. Anyway.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  It must suck growing up that height to where I was like, I have to overcome this all the time. To show people I'm not to be fucked with.

• 1:00:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Like Greg Fitzsimmons is tiny. He's like, yeah, every nine months or so I punch somebody who says the wrong thing.

• 1:00:50Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I was, it's, I'm blessed, one of my biggest blessings has been like ignorance.

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:57Stavros Halkias?

  I swear, I thought I was like tall my whole life. Like until I was like in my mid twenties, I was like, I'm fucking tall. And I didn't, and I thought like, I didn't know I was poor until like I got to college. Like, I'm so happy that stuff that like, has created, like, it's, it's, it's insane what, like, what people latches on to people's heads. Because I had no, I mean, fat was such a big deal. Like, it was more eating stuff for me. I was self-conscious about being fat. Never considered being short, didn't care fucking at all. And I didn't know I was poor, but anyway, let's finish this guy's story. This is a riveting story.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  I feel as if I should tell this guy.

• 1:01:34Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:01:36Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:01:38Speaker 05

  Uh, his cheating on him, and has been for a month.

• 1:01:41Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, how many times you fuck?

• 1:01:44Speaker 05

  Help, but at the same time, I feel as if he's not going to see that. From my point of view, uh, he might just kill me.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  Also, why would you?

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  So, I might have, I might have been in past, I feel, um.

• 1:01:59Stavros Halkias?

  He's gonna turn your ass into banana ketchup, my boy. You're gonna be fucking lumpia when this motherfucker's done with you.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Listen, he's only got any sort of allegiance to the chick.

• 1:02:09Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  He just found that dude existed. So there's no like, uh, listen, if you're boning somebody, you find out she's dating a friend of yours, you're in a quandary. Like, oh shit, or even a casual, like an acquaintance, you know, it's like, wait, you're Phil Hanley's girlfriend, you know, something like that.

• 1:02:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that would be brutal. Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  But fuck.

• 1:02:26Stavros Halkias?

  First of all, in no world do the world, girls that Phil dates fuck either one of us.

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  Phil fucks good. Phil fucks good.

• 1:02:34Stavros Halkias?

  Former literal runway model and one of the funniest, sharpest guys in the world, Phil Hanley, gets much better pussy than we ever, and I even, I even feel bad saying pussy, because Phil, the women Phil's dates are so refined and beautiful that it's like, we could never even get him.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  I'll see him at the park sometimes, and I'm like, hey Phil, watch out, the girl's trying to get past you. He goes, no, that's my fucking lady. I'm like, oh, I couldn't even assume.

• 1:02:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, sorry, I thought Vogue was doing a photo shoot in the park.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  We're on the runway.

• 1:03:02Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, hilarious. Why don't we, I don't know, let's, let's think of a more apt.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  Someone who you would a bit know.

• 1:03:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:09Speaker 01

  Who's not.

• 1:03:10Stavros Halkias?

  Possible that we could fuck Brendan Sagalow.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Brendan Sagalow, Brendan Sagalow is perfect.

• 1:03:16Stavros Halkias?

  I would feel really bad if I accidentally, no disrespect to Brendan.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  I'm friends with Brendan, so that'd be like, I mean, I don't know how to say this. You don't know this guy at all. So the girl is, this girl you like, you find out as, as a husband has been cheating on him. And then you're like, that's just between you and her.

• 1:03:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  And you're like, well, you want to keep doing this or I'm not comfortable with it, but it's on you. I'm not.

• 1:03:40Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. What's happened? Is there any more elders?

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Sanctative marriage.

• 1:03:42Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, let's, let's finish it because I do, I, I agree with you, but yeah.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  He jerked off in his tea.

• 1:03:47Speaker 05

  If you guys could just give me some advice, I'd really appreciate it. Um, she is not giving me any explanation. Uh, she's just kind of ghosted me, but uh, I feel very bad for this guy.

• 1:04:01Stavros Halkias?

  Relax.

• 1:04:02Speaker 05

  I feel like I need to let him know.

• 1:04:04Stavros Halkias?

  You don't.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  That's girl shit.

• 1:04:05Speaker 05

  Morally, I feel like I need to let him know, but also I'm terrified.

• 1:04:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  I, I think he could murder me.

• 1:04:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:04:13Speaker 05

  With, with one hand.

• 1:04:14Stavros Halkias?

  He is a foot taller than you and he's jacked.

• 1:04:17Speaker 05

  I'm not sure. So, um, thanks. Just, uh, thank you.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, this is morals. What the fuck are you talking about? You're having premarital sex. What are you, what are you just morals now about marriage?

• 1:04:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point. We, why, I mean, I guess the people, I mean, I get it, right? I get how some people have a hard stance on cheating. This is probably a person that never would have. Look, this is a person who never would have, some people just have different opinions on infidelity, whatever. It's fine.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:45Stavros Halkias?

  You talk, you know, it is funny to talk to your gay friends to them like cheating isn't even a concept that exists really. You know what I mean? Like a big city, big city gay guys are like, sex is like not even the most important thing. Like it is a very.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  My buddy, they asked him, Justin Martindale, he was dating this, this attractive guy, but he's, he was especially back then hot, we ho hot. And, and his boyfriend was like, can you just, like, he was trying to get him not cheat, wasn't gonna, can you just not give me AIDS?

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  And then Justin was, I mean, I'm, I'm not trying to get AIDS, but I can't make you that promise.

• 1:05:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. Shout out to prep.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. It's a different game now. Different game now.

• 1:05:28Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, so, look, you're a person who is, look, we joke, obviously, I don't, we're not very, the people on this podcast right now are not religious. One of us escaped a hilarious cult. The other one just kinda like was never that religious.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  Made a movie about it?

• 1:05:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, was never that, you know, was never that, I was talking about you. I was talking about you escaping a cult.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  I know, and you made a movie about it.

• 1:05:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My story's based on Ari. Let's turn a cults about Ari leaving Orthodox Judaism.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Where were you synagogue? I had diarrhea. I was out there actually listening to you guys praying for a while. I was fucking it up.

• 1:06:06Stavros Halkias?

  So, we're not very religious people here, and me and Ari in general probably are more on the scumbag side of things. But, I understand if you're a person who this feels like a real moral red line for. But, you did not know, you also, you could argue that you also have been like-

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  A victim.

• 1:06:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, in a weird way, sort of a victim of the situation where you went against your moral. Now, look, maybe the guilt of this guy's feeling is that if this girl with this types of, these type of tits was like, "Hey, I wanna fuck you so bad, but I'm married," maybe in the back of his head-

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  He would have anyway.

• 1:06:39Stavros Halkias?

  He thinks he would have anyway, and this is his weird way to like absolve himself, like, "I didn't know, and now, and I've done everything right, right?"

• 1:06:49Stavros Halkias?

  I think, it just, and look, maybe it'd be a little different if her fucking husband was, you know, Stephen Hawking. You know what I mean? Like, if it was a guy-

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  You felt really bad for him.

• 1:06:58Stavros Halkias?

  Or like, or either you felt bad for him, or you weren't afraid he would kill you.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 1:07:02Stavros Halkias?

  Cause even a little guy might have a gun.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  But I would say even if it's Stephen Hawking, he's like, "Don't tell him, that's not your place."

• 1:07:07Stavros Halkias?

  I think-

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  This lady's a cheater.

• 1:07:08Stavros Halkias?

  I think this woman is a cheater.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  And you ain't the first one.

• 1:07:10Stavros Halkias?

  She took advantage of you as well, it sounds like. You sound like the kinda person who wouldn't have done this.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  Tell her to fuck off.

• 1:07:15Stavros Halkias?

  And just, she ghosted you, you ghosted her.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Couldn't even tell her off.

• 1:07:19Stavros Halkias?

  You forget, you just forget this happened. You got, you know, a month, no disrespect to you.

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  If, if the-

• 1:07:26Stavros Halkias?

  How many times, when he says that they were dating for a month, what does that even mean?

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  What does that mean?

• 1:07:29Stavros Halkias?

  You hang out-

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  Every day, yeah, twice.

• 1:07:32Stavros Halkias?

  Like she has.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Go out once, then have sex once, then one more time sex.

• 1:07:35Stavros Halkias?

  Kids, there's no way it's more than once a week, right? She's, she has a whole family. You're probably not fucking, you're not, it's not one of those month relationships where you see each other every other day. Where you both have nothing to do and whatever.

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  Treating me nice.

• 1:07:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you also couldn't, you didn't tell us one thing about her, really, except for the huge tits.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  Which, which, not to downplay the tits.

• 1:07:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, listen, I get it. Sometimes you're in a tits fog.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Stavros Halkias?

  And it takes years for it to lift. If, sometimes it never really, some of the best relationships, I think, are when people are so attracted to their partner for certain things. That it just kind of, it just kind of puts them in soft focus. It's like the way, it's like the way they used to shoot Barbara Walters where they didn't want to see her face. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, you see the best, you want it like, if, I do think attraction and sexual chemistry and like,

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  That's real.

• 1:08:22Stavros Halkias?

  There's, there's real things that I think do help a relationship. But, in this situation, you're fine. This sucks. And you shouldn't put yourself in further danger, especially when you're like, the guy.

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  So much of the situation you don't understand.

• 1:08:37Stavros Halkias?

  You don't know anything about it. Do they have a weird open thing?

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, what if he's been like abusing her mentally or whatever? So you don't know, it's just like, if this is her ways to, I don't know, maybe she's having a midlife crisis. And she'll get back to it and then be fine.

• 1:08:48Stavros Halkias?

  It also is really funny that her husband is six, five, and Jack, he's a five, five little Filipino guy. Take that as a win for the, for your community, for our community. I bet your dick is small, no disrespect.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, what if she's like, I want to not hurt for once? I want to ask, is it in yet?

• 1:09:02Stavros Halkias?

  My huge husband's cock, throws me nothing but pain. I want a little, I want to shop in the petite section.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  I liked it when I saw it, but every day.

• 1:09:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's more of a, it's more visual than actual, than use. So anyway, dude, I say don't do, I think it's more trouble than it's worth. It'd be one thing, like you said, if you knew the person or whatever, but, you know.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Now, here's a question for the guy. For us, about the guy. When this lady unghosts him in maybe two more weeks, said, hey, is he going to allow her to talk him into doing it again?

• 1:09:34Stavros Halkias?

  You can't. You gotta stay completely out. You gotta watch. Cause if you, if you reengage now.

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  Now you're cheating.

• 1:09:39Stavros Halkias?

  Now you are, now you're a participant in a thing you don't wanna be. And listen again.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  It's Philip Morris before the research and after the research.

• 1:09:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  They didn't do anything wrong before. They didn't know.

• 1:09:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  They thought it opened up your Q zone.

• 1:09:50Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right, right. Philip Morris, Lucky Strikes opens up your chakras. What if they just got spiritual?

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh, also shit, a lot of cancer. Very that.

• 1:09:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, don't worry about that. Um, anyway, good luck.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  Good luck.

• 1:10:03Stavros Halkias?

  My little friend.

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Good luck.

• 1:10:04Stavros Halkias?

  Enjoy those fat tits.

• 1:10:05Speaker 01

  Maybe I try to get a tit pic, one, one last tit pic.

• 1:10:08Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's over. It's over. You gotta keep it moving. It's over. It's over. Don't save them. That's weird.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  Don't even save them?

• 1:10:13Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta delete the tit pics.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess you gotta clean wash.

• 1:10:15Stavros Halkias?

  You can't keep, you can't keep news of someone you don't date anymore, unless they're cool with it.

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  Unless they're cool with it.

• 1:10:20Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it's, then it's a, it's just weird, man. It's like people jacking off to a relationship from like 10 years ago. First of all, it's pathetic.

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  And you're not even that guy anymore.

• 1:10:27Stavros Halkias?

  You're not that guy. She's not that girl. And also she would be, like, it's a light form of fucking sexual assault, if we're being honest. Like, it really is.

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  If someone had a picture of me with my balls not at my knees, I'd be like, ha, you can't have those anymore. Those don't exist anymore. If I can't see them, you can't see them.

• 1:10:47Stavros Halkias?

  I bet that sack is drooping like crazy.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  Seven months pounding up and down, just lengthening.

• 1:10:55Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck? Holy shit.

• 1:10:58Speaker 01

  Oh shit.

• 1:10:58Stavros Halkias?

  What the hell?

• 1:11:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my God, it's time to, that's right, keep it twisted. There it is, baby. Oh, fuck yeah, Ari. I was just doing it in set dressing. How delicious is that?

• 1:11:14Speaker 01

  It's actually really good.

• 1:11:15Stavros Halkias?

  It's fucking, they're actually, I'm gonna shit, dude. I haven't drank, I don't know if we're allowed to do this, but.

• 1:11:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking good.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  Oh, it's hard.

• 1:11:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God, dude. Twisted Tea's fucking awesome. I'll, it's time for the motherfucking twisted ass.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  It's the first drink I've had with you in fucking five years.

• 1:11:32Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:11:33Speaker 01

  That's crazy. That's crazy.

• 1:11:37Stavros Halkias?

  All thanks to the good folks at Twisted Tea. See what Twisted Tea does. It brings friends together.

• 1:11:42Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:11:44Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. The Twisted Zone? So close to the Fourth of July? When I want to jump in the pool and slurp down these delicious 5% by volume brewed with real iced tea delights? Wow. This makes me want to eat a hot dog as the Fourth of July is coming near. I can't wait to drink these on the Fourth of July.

• 1:12:11Stavros Halkias?

  These will go down smooth on the Fourth of July, like they always do, but they'll be extra smooth on the Fourth of July. Mmm, I can't wait to wash down a couple Glizzarinos with the Twisted Tea Party Pack. Yeah, I'm gonna be drinking the Rocket Pop, which is only available in the Party Pack, and I'm gonna be doing it on the Fourth of July. 5% per volume, just right. Mmm, Twisted Tea is good, and also brewed with real iced tea. Keep it twisted. What's the fucked up question of the motherfucking ass week, Eldis?

• 1:12:43Speaker 01

  Dude, when you get to Brazil, they have alcoholic versions of this.

• 1:12:45Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah. And that's, everybody knows that's natural twisted tea. Put it, when he's doing that, make him hold up a can. Actually, just digitally put a can of Twisted Tea over that.

• 1:12:57Stavros Halkias?

  What do we got, LD? Put that on the.

• 1:13:00Speaker 06

  Hello, Javi and esteemed guest. Um, and a bit of a pickle here.

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  I love pickles.

• 1:13:05Speaker 06

  It's a family situation. So, basically, my grandma is under the impression that Keanu Reeves is reaching out to her via Facebook and that they have a romantic relationship.

• 1:13:18Stavros Halkias?

  No!

• 1:13:19Speaker 06

  And for a long time, my family and I thought this, you know, this would pass. It's just a funny joke. We've explained to her, you know, it's not real. It's somebody looking to

• 1:13:28Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit, AI psychosis.

• 1:13:29Speaker 06

  Export money from you. And, you know, she's just fully convinced that it's the real Keanu Reeves. Well, recently, she went out with my aunt and

• 1:13:39Stavros Halkias?

  Keanu Reeves is there and they started kissing.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  Please tell me Keanu Reeves shut up.

• 1:13:44Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:13:44Speaker 01

  Please, please.

• 1:13:46Speaker 06

  And, and they had lunch and my grandma confessed that she's considering leaving my grandpa and leaving their marriage of 50 plus years for this Keanu Reeves impersonator.

• 1:13:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:59Speaker 06

  And it kind of blew up the family and we are.

• 1:14:05Stavros Halkias?

  Some fucking guy in India is killing this family.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  Of all the people to pick to catfish someone.

• 1:14:10Stavros Halkias?

  A Nigerian guy is like, yeah, I'm destroying a family in Ohio right now.

• 1:14:14Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:14:15Stavros Halkias?

  Keep going, elders.

• 1:14:16Speaker 06

  We are working on an intervention where we basically take my grandma's phone without her knowing and wiping her, her phone and her Facebook account so that she doesn't have access to this person anymore. Um, so I think the real moral dilemma here is do we tell uh, my grandpa that this is going down?

• 1:14:38Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-mm.

• 1:14:39Speaker 06

  Cause he's under the impression that they are at the best place in their marriage that they've ever been.

• 1:14:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's a big problem too.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  What a sap.

• 1:14:47Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this.

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:48Stavros Halkias?

  Your grandfather hasn't figured out that his wife is in an emotional affair with an AI chatbot. He's not, by the way, his hands aren't clean here either.

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:59Stavros Halkias?

  You, you're not a good husband if your wife can fall for this. Like if she was having a good time with him, like that's the thing, I'm.

• 1:15:06Speaker 01

  If Keanu Reeves came to somebody who's in a great relationship, they'd be like, oh my god, I'm flattered, but a hundred percent, no, I'm committed to my 50 year marriage.

• 1:15:14Stavros Halkias?

  And then look, I bet, I bet they didn't have a great relationship.

• 1:15:17Speaker 01

  Hoping they fuck?

• 1:15:18Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows?

• 1:15:19Speaker 01

  She's 70.

• 1:15:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she's 70, minimum.

• 1:15:22Speaker 01

  She's gonna get broken open by the fucking Matrix.

• 1:15:25Stavros Halkias?

  If you're a fucking seven year old lady, Keanu's like, what, 50? He's so hot still.

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  I mean, go for it.

• 1:15:30Stavros Halkias?

  He's probably, how old is Keanu?

• 1:15:32Speaker 01

  Go for that.

• 1:15:33Stavros Halkias?

  How old is Keanu Reeves' oldest? Let's see, sixty one.

• 1:15:36Speaker 01

  Damn, he's sixty one.

• 1:15:38Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, nailed it. Sixty one and seventy is not bad. Honestly, if you're a seventy five year old woman, Keanu Reeves might be the guy, honestly, no, I would, Antonio Banderas, Antonio Banderas, number one.

• 1:15:49Speaker 01

  AB.

• 1:15:49Stavros Halkias?

  Keanu Reeves, number two, I think.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  I mean, it's kind of like age appropriate.

• 1:15:53Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, it kind of is.

• 1:15:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not, it's not the fucking Dune guy.

• 1:15:56Stavros Halkias?

  And this is, this is the, this is another, this is a clear example of the difference between men and women, where it's like, to catfish old women, you need a hot sixty two year old guy. To catfish old men, you need like a fucking, a clearly AI nineteen year old Japanese maid with double G.

• 1:16:14Speaker 01

  Size triple Qs and a waist of twenty one? Whoa, and she loves me? What, did you just find out a post I made six years ago?

• 1:16:25Stavros Halkias?

  Everybody gather around, I'll be leaving your grandmother for Michiko. I'll be moving, I'll be moving over to the Orient.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  Dude, we knew a guy who fell for, his brother fell for the Nigerian scam.

• 1:16:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  And he, before we figured out what happened, he was getting to be a real dick to everybody.

• 1:16:43Stavros Halkias?

  Because he thought he was about to be rich.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, he goes, you guys are all gonna come fucking to me, I'm the fucking man in this household, and you guys are all, just a jerk. And then when he found out what it was, it was like, dude, not only did you not have the money, you were such a cunt about it.

• 1:16:56Stavros Halkias?

  So fucking funny.

• 1:16:57Speaker 01

  It was so great, they were all laughing so hard.

• 1:16:59Stavros Halkias?

  It must have felt so good to shit on him afterwards.

• 1:17:03Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, so let's finish this.

• 1:17:04Speaker 01

  The opposite, we got Eddie Bravo once, we got him in a fake scratcher for ten thousand.

• 1:17:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I love those, that's such a fucking rude, mean point.

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we all, oh, I didn't, I didn't win, and he was like, oh, I'm two with it.

• 1:17:15Stavros Halkias?

  And that's the guy who like thinks like nine eleven was caused by aliens or something, like, he's like a conspiracy theorist.

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  He's a fun, like, like the, the, those long clouds, chemtrails, all that shit.

• 1:17:24Stavros Halkias?

  He's like a really old school, before QAnon conspiracy theorist.

• 1:17:27Speaker 01

  Everything's up.

• 1:17:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  And he won.

• 1:17:29Stavros Halkias?

  Just an insane person, to be clear, but yes.

• 1:17:31Speaker 01

  As soon as he, and outside the box thinker for jujitsu instruction, and. As soon as you want, he goes, oh my God, you're getting a grant, you're getting a grant, you're getting it. And we're like, oh, fuck.

• 1:17:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, this is the best guy.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  You're not being a dick at all.

• 1:17:44Stavros Halkias?

  He's the nicest guy. This is gonna be a- Oh, me and my friends are gonna have an awesome party.

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  This is gonna be a really bad reveal. This is gonna be a really bad reveal. Oh, Eddie Brava rules so hard. He's such a nice guy.

• 1:17:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome, dude. I mean, look, an insane, nice person is one of the best friends you can have.

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  He let me train for free for fucking years when I need, when I was broke.

• 1:18:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's so cool. That's so fucking cool.

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:18:04Stavros Halkias?

  Um, yeah, I miss the days where MMA conspiracy theorists just like, we're your fun friend. You know what I mean? Um, all right, hit us, let's get the-

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  We're your fun friend. Yeah, the birds aren't real wasn't my favorite.

• 1:18:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  Let's go with it.

• 1:18:19Stavros Halkias?

  Great, dude, that's awesome. And those are conversations that should be happening at, with your friends at a bar. And it's like, unfortunately, due to podcasting, we're, we're all, it's kind of our fault that those guys now have the most power in the world somehow. Like truly, that is kind of what's happened. But anyway, let's finish this.

• 1:18:37Speaker 01

  We're just dumb fucks. This should be bar talk.

• 1:18:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it should be. And awesome, fun bar. And even, like, even if, like, yeah, anyway, yeah.

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  We had a friend, Jason Lucas, when we started Door Guy with us at the store, he would throw out the dumbest shit. And if we're all go, what are you talking about? He goes, well, this is how I found out. It's not true.

• 1:18:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:52Speaker 01

  And it was such a good vetting process for info.

• 1:18:55Stavros Halkias?

  I rely on you guys. I rely on you guys. That's very funny.

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  He's not on the record for anything. It's like, clearly your reaction shows that I'm not right.

• 1:19:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:02Speaker 01

  Let's move on.

• 1:19:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. All right, what else do you have? Let's finish her up.

• 1:19:06Speaker 06

  At the best place in their marriage that they've ever been.

• 1:19:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hilarious.

• 1:19:10Speaker 06

  So do we, do we ruin that by letting him know? Or do we just try to handle the situation, delete her Facebook?

• 1:19:18Speaker 06

  And so she doesn't have the opportunity to destroy their marriage.

• 1:19:22Speaker 01

  Okay, this is an interesting one.

• 1:19:23Speaker 06

  Let me know. Okay. Thank you, bye.

• 1:19:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  Because she is senile or falling for stuff that she can fall for this again, maybe not romantically.

• 1:19:32Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I would-

• 1:19:33Speaker 01

  You do have to worry about it.

• 1:19:34Stavros Halkias?

  You do. You definitely do. And I also think like- If this guy has his, first of all, has, have we been monitoring her accounts? Like this guy, this, there is a reason he's doing this, right?

• 1:19:46Speaker 02

  She, she didn't say outright that he's like, you know, getting money from her, but.

• 1:19:51Speaker 01

  Is he getting nudes?

• 1:19:52Stavros Halkias?

  Probably.

• 1:19:53Speaker 01

  That would be a twist.

• 1:19:56Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think so. I think that makes a lot of sense.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  Hope not.

• 1:20:00Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, you know what? I hope, I hope she's elite. I hope if her grandma's getting anything, she's playing with that dusty old clip for, for one more time. It doesn't sound like her and her grandfather have been fucking like this guy.

• 1:20:11Speaker 01

  I bet you never heard him slapped together.

• 1:20:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's, listen, this is, yeah. This is insane, obviously, because this guy's getting, he's essentially having, this woman's having an emotional affair.

• 1:20:21Speaker 01

  It's not just an investment opportunity that gets you on that. This is like.

• 1:20:24Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm, my worry would be like, okay, you block him, whatever. This guy's gonna create another account and be like, hey, beautiful, did something happen? Did I make you mad? I'm so sorry. Like this guy's gonna find your grandmother.

• 1:20:37Speaker 01

  He's got her on the hook.

• 1:20:38Stavros Halkias?

  You're never, unless you completely take away her Facebook or like.

• 1:20:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not the real Keanu Reeves.

• 1:20:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:43Speaker 01

  So he's not like, he's like, I guess she doesn't want to talk to me.

• 1:20:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's some guy that's like, fuck, I was just about to ask her for a thousand dollars in Apple gift cards or whatever.

• 1:20:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:51Stavros Halkias?

  So I don't like, I do think you have to have a conversation with her.

• 1:20:54Speaker 01

  It's, it's like, but the, the husband, it's like.

• 1:20:56Stavros Halkias?

  She might be insane.

• 1:20:57Speaker 01

  Right. It's like someone's preying on her. I don't want to tell you what, but she's gotta be offline.

• 1:21:02Stavros Halkias?

  I also, yeah, I mean, listen, you, you talk about your, like, I made this point a little earlier, but it's like, they have some kind of weird ass relationship. He's so oblivious. He doesn't know he's getting cheated on with fake Keanu Reeves. She's talking to this fucking chat bot forever. Like, look, you're not gonna fix your grandparents' relationship, right? That's not what we're doing here. What you gotta do is make sure your grandmother, because like right now.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  Your grandfather doesn't have to know this.

• 1:21:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And also he wouldn't even understand what's going on.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  It's a new, it's a new world.

• 1:21:32Stavros Halkias?

  If this, if you tell your grandfather this, he might go get a gun and shoot the rear Keanu Reeves.

• 1:21:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right? And we don't want that. He's, he carries a national treasure.

• 1:21:41Speaker 01

  Guys, let's make sure we're very clear on this. Do not do anything to Keanu Reeves.

• 1:21:45Stavros Halkias?

  Do not.

• 1:21:46Speaker 01

  He is not to blame at all.

• 1:21:48Stavros Halkias?

  Corporation does not want violence against our national treasures.

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  Keanu is the man, he's not part of this.

• 1:21:54Stavros Halkias?

  Here's what you, if this is.

• 1:21:57Speaker 01

  You leave Keanu a role.

• 1:21:58Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe what you should do is get your grandparents together, crack open an ice cold Twisted Tea and see if you can't get to the root of their marital problems.

• 1:22:07Speaker 01

  What if, what if the, the husband, the grandfather?

• 1:22:09Stavros Halkias?

  We have, of cour-, you know, and go ahead.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  Is in a great place, cause like, oh, she tells him about these things he's gonna do to Keanu Reeves, we've been open, I jerk off thinking about it.

• 1:22:16Stavros Halkias?

  He comes in, he's, he's has, he has a surfboard under his arm. They're, they're doing point break role play. He's fucking dressed in all black.

• 1:22:26Stavros Halkias?

  He's eating her pussy in bullet time. He's fucking going backwards and eating his pussy like this.

• 1:22:32Speaker 01

  I had to make my back brace so I could go all the way.

• 1:22:38Stavros Halkias?

  That would be a twist if he knows and they're doing. What if he's the one doing it to juice her up so she'll fuck him again?

• 1:22:44Speaker 01

  It's not Keanu, it's role playing. We all know who we are. Guys, why are you ruining this, kids?

• 1:22:49Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, this is a very twisted situation.

• 1:22:51Speaker 01

  It's very twisted.

• 1:22:52Stavros Halkias?

  She's keeping it too twisted. Look, here's what your, your grandfather's needed about this. What your grandfather needs is the new summer party pack from Twisted Tea. Including Twisted Lemonade. I can't wait to crack these bad boys open. I haven't, I haven't had the, the pleasure of, of sucking them off yet. But boy, oh, boy, am I looking forward to it. I got a rooftop now. This summer, I'm gonna be drinking a summer party pack. Yeah.

• 1:23:14Speaker 01

  Dude, we gotta get, instead of kooz, we gotta get fucking like nips on top so we can just fucking sweet.

• 1:23:19Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. I love that.

• 1:23:21Speaker 01

  Hard lemonade, rail this fucking hot nips.

• 1:23:23Stavros Halkias?

  Squirt it, squirt it like a ketchup bottle.

• 1:23:27Stavros Halkias?

  So don't tell your grandfather and try and get your grandmother to stop this behavior. That's really all you can do here. You know, they're all, and look, if you really wanna try hard, you could, you could try and get your grandmother in therapy. Talk to them about their relationships because this is a person that is not happy in her marriage.

• 1:23:44Speaker 01

  I would say so.

• 1:23:45Stavros Halkias?

  And the fact that her husband hasn't caught on to that and he's oblivious, that's a problem too. So if you really. The, the, the way you get a passing grade here is keep your grandfather out of it. Make sure your grandmother stops talking to them. The way you get an A plus 4.0 is you take this as an opportunity to look into the problems in their marriage. But also they're fucking 70.

• 1:24:06Speaker 01

  If you want AP credits.

• 1:24:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:24:09Speaker 01

  Get Keanu Reeves come in and say, hey, I gotta break this off. I didn't know you were married and I don't feel right about this. You can't ever contact me again.

• 1:24:15Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:24:16Speaker 01

  So she feels attractive.

• 1:24:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's good.

• 1:24:18Speaker 01

  But you need to live out the great days with your husband. Maybe, maybe suckerbox once.

• 1:24:23Stavros Halkias?

  AI, yeah, I don't think Keanu's gonna do that. But I think what you could do is if your grandma's dumb enough to fall for this. Why don't you get AI Keanu to send her a video and be like, I love you, but my old girlfriend from high school called and I'm gonna be with her. If it wasn't for her, I just have too much history with her.

• 1:24:40Speaker 01

  Please understand, respect this.

• 1:24:41Stavros Halkias?

  Please understand, respect this, and I want you to know from now on, a lot of people, I'm gonna be offline. As a celebrity, a lot of people will try, they'll find out about us and try and take advantage of you. I don't want that, so please never talk to me again online. That's, that's the, so he's giving you three options here.

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  That's not bad.

• 1:24:57Stavros Halkias?

  But also I don't, I don't like using generative AI ever. So I think, so it's usually do, you hire a Keanu Reeves impersonator.

• 1:25:07Stavros Halkias?

  We get a human being to do this. We're not getting machines to do it. Cause we are against generative AI here. Find a sexy 61 year old Weishen somewhere who looks like Keanu and get him to break up with your grandma. And maybe, you can't get the real Keanu to do it, but maybe this guy will give her a kiss. What if this backfires and this guy's like some out of work old actor and he does start fucking with grandma?

• 1:25:29Speaker 01

  I really liked her.

• 1:25:30Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, and he's just doing a bad Keanu impression for Bill and Ted. What if he's a Bill and Ted? He's like, hey dude, talking to you's been totally radical, but it's gotta end.

• 1:25:39Speaker 01

  I wanna see your shrivelies.

• 1:25:42Stavros Halkias?

  So anyway, that was too, your grandma's keeping it too motherfucking twisted.

• 1:25:46Speaker 01

  Too real.

• 1:25:46Stavros Halkias?

  Just crack open the summer party bag, man. That's all you gotta do. And remember, everybody, keep it twisted.

• 1:25:56Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, oh fuck, whoa, shit, whoa.

• 1:26:07Stavros Halkias?

  The twisted ass motherfucking question of the week.

• 1:26:12Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us with another one, LD. That was awesome, though.

• 1:26:15Speaker 01

  Goddamn.

• 1:26:16Stavros Halkias?

  That was like, dude, oh, man.

• 1:26:17Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:26:18Stavros Halkias?

  The ice cold twisted tea hits so, it's early. I haven't had a twisted tea this early.

• 1:26:22Speaker 01

  I'm not into tea usually, that's really good.

• 1:26:24Stavros Halkias?

  So good.

• 1:26:24Speaker 01

  I was like, ah.

• 1:26:25Stavros Halkias?

  This is, I had it done, by the way. This is just real, dude.

• 1:26:30Stavros Halkias?

  Next one, LD.

• 1:26:31Speaker 01

  I did not know it was boozy when I drank it. I was like, oh. Oh, I thought it was just like, I see.

• 1:26:36Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you see, Ari, it's actually 5% per volume, the perfect amount of booze to kick it up a notch, but not, not too much, you know? And it's brewed with real iced tea.

• 1:26:44Speaker 01

  It's a notch.

• 1:26:45Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, the ad's over. Next question.

• 1:26:49Speaker 03

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• 1:27:34Speaker 04

  Dana, listen, I want to talk to you about something. Every Thursday, you do know that we're hanging out with some of the biggest names in comedy and entertainment, right?

• 1:27:42Stavros Halkias?

  Are you kidding me? Who's been on this show?

• 1:27:45Speaker 04

  We have great people, a lot of fun. And Mondays, it's you and I to ourselves. We riff on life, pop culture, clips online, every stupid thing. So, everybody out there, join us Mondays, Thursdays, fly on the wall, wherever you get your podcasts. It's a lot of fun, it's a lot of laughs, and it's a lot of stupidity.

• 1:28:06Speaker 06

  Hi, Sabros and guests. Um, so I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is proposing soon.

• 1:28:16Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh.

• 1:28:17Speaker 06

  Um, for context, we've been dating almost two years. We're both, um, I'm mid twenties, he's mid thirties. He has a ten year age gap, but.

• 1:28:30Stavros Halkias?

  Ain't nothing wrong with that.

• 1:28:31Speaker 06

  We love each other so much. I'm pretty sure he's proposing soon because he bought a ring sizing thing from chain company.

• 1:28:39Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 1:28:40Speaker 06

  Which, he's not making it, um, very secretive.

• 1:28:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:46Speaker 06

  He's obliviously obvious about it.

• 1:28:49Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 1:28:51Speaker 06

  Um.

• 1:28:51Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, you know what'd be fun? Why don't we go get, make molds of our hands made? Wouldn't that be a fun activity? Keep going.

• 1:28:59Speaker 06

  But here's my question. He hasn't asked my dad yet.

• 1:29:06Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck off.

• 1:29:06Speaker 06

  And I'm not traditional in most senses, but about something like this, I would want him to ask my parents, not for permission, I guess, but.

• 1:29:20Stavros Halkias?

  Then what? May I own this? I've been renting the pussy. May I own it, sir? I know it belongs to you as her father. I'll give you a nice bottle of scotch. To make it official, a handshake makes it official, ah, and seest. I know, I find that such, so bizarre. It's so dumb and antiquated. But at the same time, it's not about, like, we're joking, the, the, the. It's fun, I guess. The pa- the like patriarchal way to look at it is like he's what we ju- the joke we just did. He's, he's asking to own your. That's the, that's the root of it and it is fucked up, but I do think like. I'm sure the dad would like it. I just think in terms of just, just almost like, hey, almost as a way to be like, hey, because your relationship to these people is gonna change when you marry their, their daughter, right?

• 1:30:03Stavros Halkias?

  And almost in a way to be like, hey, I really respect you. I want, I'm, I wanna be a part of this family. Yeah, exactly. And I wanna like, I wanna just do the respectful thing and be like, I just want you to know, I love your daughter very much and, you know. Now, asking, I don't know that I would ask personally. Can I talk to you guys while I'm planning? Yeah, it's like, I'd love, you know, I love, I just want you to know and, you know. And, because if somebody told me no, I'd be like, well, okay. Doing it, that made it really weird. I don't give a fuck, bro. I was trying to be nice. Did you, Aldous, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, but did you go through this?

• 1:30:33Speaker 02

  I did not ask my wife's parents, you know, I'm not losing sleep over it, but I kind of wish I did just because it's a chance.

• 1:30:41Speaker 01

  For the tradition?

• 1:30:43Speaker 02

  The tradition, I mean.

• 1:30:44Speaker 01

  It's a fun thing.

• 1:30:45Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's kind of fun. Yeah. For the tradition and it's as base as like, you know, you, you have so few like very serious conversations with like in-laws or something.

• 1:30:56Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 1:30:56Speaker 02

  That's like, that's a chance to be, for like both parties to be like, yeah, I like you. It'd be nice to be each other's family. This is awesome. Yeah, go for it.

• 1:31:06Speaker 01

  We already consider you part of the family, that kind of talk.

• 1:31:08Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. It's almost like, it's not really a permission thing anymore. It's almost like you're wasting an opportunity to really, a moment of intimacy, you're right. There's only like four or five moments of intimacy that are that important in a person's life. And getting married is one of them. And that may be your best, that might be the easiest conversation with the most upside. Especially when you already, you loved your, you know, I mean, like you already had a great relationship with them. So it wasn't like, it was never in doubt. So it was more like, it's an opportunity to just bond in a way that's like, you know, and so I see that.

• 1:31:42Speaker 01

  You know, the thing of like throw the flowers and the next whoever catches and they get married, but other people like, I've got a career and I'm 22. I'm not looking to get married.

• 1:31:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:49Speaker 01

  It's a fun thing to do.

• 1:31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Just fucking try and grab them.

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  So it's like, there's that part too. It's like, we did that, like walking down your aisle when you graduated, like, who doesn't think they're going to graduate high school?

• 1:31:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're coming in, checking your wife's pussy to make sure the hymen's still intact, you know, classic. Yeah, check her teeth. Make sure you're not going to do too much dental work, you know, look, yeah, make, yeah, that kind of the classic stuff, dude. Yeah. Traditional stuff. Um, anyway, let's.

• 1:32:13Speaker 01

  I don't know, but you can't, you're not going to ask him to ask.

• 1:32:16Stavros Halkias?

  Well, let's see, let's just get the whole context.

• 1:32:18Speaker 06

  Hope for my hand in marriage. Um, he's definitely asked his sister. But I don't know how to bring that up in conversation because if he proposes without asking my dad first. I don't know if I, like, I wanna say yes, obviously, but if he doesn't ask my dad, I don't feel comfortable saying yes without

• 1:32:42Speaker 01

  Let me ask my dad first.

• 1:32:43Speaker 06

  My parents' approval. And I know they would obviously approve it, they love him, but

• 1:32:49Stavros Halkias?

  They do love him.

• 1:32:50Speaker 06

  How do I bring that up in conversation?

• 1:32:52Speaker 01

  You don't. Don't ruin it.

• 1:32:53Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I think there's ways to do it.

• 1:32:56Speaker 01

  No, she asked-

• 1:32:56Speaker 06

  Like, kind of letting him know that I need my parents' him to ask my parents' approval.

• 1:33:04Speaker 01

  Pause. He asked the sister already, right?

• 1:33:07Stavros Halkias?

  Her sister or his sister?

• 1:33:10Speaker 02

  I think she said she talked to his sister, that's what she said.

• 1:33:13Speaker 01

  So just tell the sister to tell him.

• 1:33:14Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I was gonna say, is that like-

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  Hey, don't tell him it came from me, but make sure he knows to ask my dad, right?

• 1:33:19Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. The way you go-

• 1:33:20Speaker 01

  You can't tell him, it'll ruin the surprise.

• 1:33:22Stavros Halkias?

  Well, his dumb ass already got the ring thing, whatever. I think, here's the thing, if he does some, this is not a subtle person, right? He's fucking got the ring thing out, whatever. If it becomes obvious, if he just makes it clear he's planning to do this, and you know, and he knows, you can be like, hey, I need you to go talk to my dad, if it becomes obvious. Now, that's only if he fucks up and slips up again. If he doesn't, you're exactly right. Either his sister, or your best friend, or, I think best friends are a really good, almost like, go-between in these situations. You have to kind of do relationship espionage, or you have to send in your agent to fucking do a mission.

• 1:33:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, just slip it in.

• 1:34:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:01Speaker 01

  It's like, I can't wait for you to get married, I wonder what the conversation with her dad's gonna be like, are you excited about that? It's like, oh, is there something I gotta do? It's like, oh, bro, for sure.

• 1:34:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you gotta do that.

• 1:34:10Speaker 01

  I know Marguerite, she would be, you should do it.

• 1:34:12Stavros Halkias?

  Here's the other thing you could do, which is a fun way to sneak it in. Look, I don't know if there's any meat, like, watch Meet the Fockers. A movie that, that surrounds itself with, the whole plot of this movie is, this guy's gonna go ask her, the whole plot of Meet the Fockers is, a male nurse is gonna ask, you know, his wife's tough guy, uh, dad for her hand to marriage. That's the whole plot of Meet the Fockers. And it just goes wrong and wrong and wrong. First of all, it's a great movie, very funny. And also, you could be like, oh, that was a funny movie. It's like, oh, yeah, I can't believe he was so nervous about that. It's like, you know, you can be like, someday when we, you know, hopefully when we get married, I know it's gonna be easier for you. I mean, my dad loves you. It's gonna be such an easy conversation.

• 1:34:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:54Stavros Halkias?

  And then, I think those are your two options. It's like-

• 1:34:57Speaker 01

  Put it in his mind, like, I can see him watching that and going, if it's me or you, go, oh, I forgot that part.

• 1:35:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:02Speaker 01

  Oh shit, there's so much stuff we forget.

• 1:35:03Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:35:04Speaker 01

  That it's like, oh, oh, right, of course.

• 1:35:05Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. So I think the way you, like, I mean, I've, I don't know if I've told this story-

• 1:35:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, watch Meet the Fockers, that's not bad.

• 1:35:11Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know if, but like, movies sometimes can have real realizations. Like, I remember I was dating someone, and we watched the, um, this is way back in the day in Baltimore, we watched the Jenny Slate movie, Obvious Child, about a girl getting an abortion.

• 1:35:23Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:35:23Stavros Halkias?

  And she was like, I could never do that. And I was like, oh, yeah, I mean, whatever, I mean, that's fine, and you're on birth control. And she's like, I'm not on birth control. And I was like, ahh!

• 1:35:34Speaker 01

  It just clouds top rolls, I was here like, the door slams.

• 1:35:38Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, I was like, what? Thank God, we, we got, we got through scot-free, bud.

• 1:35:45Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:35:45Stavros Halkias?

  But, uh, like, watching movies really can't, like-

• 1:35:48Speaker 01

  Scott was what she named her child when she did have the abortion.

• 1:35:53Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck, what if I have a son in Baltimore right now?

• 1:35:57Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, you know what?

• 1:35:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:35:58Stavros Halkias?

  Best case scenario. If I have like, a nine-year-old kid right now, I skipped all that bullshit. Oh, that would be awesome.

• 1:36:04Speaker 01

  Changing diapers.

• 1:36:05Speaker 02

  You get to be a stepdad figure to your biological son.

• 1:36:08Stavros Halkias?

  My own son, that's the dream.

• 1:36:12Stavros Halkias?

  Damn dude, I need to start, anyway. Never mind, I'll keep that thought to myself.

• 1:36:17Speaker 01

  We knew a guy, it was a door guy just after me, Dan, and, uh, his mom was like, a female wrestler.

• 1:36:24Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:36:25Speaker 01

  Kinda wild, anyway.

• 1:36:26Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:36:26Speaker 01

  Uh, like, bigger lady too.

• 1:36:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  And, um, low-level wrestler. And she brought him to a comedy show one day, and at the end of it, she goes, "By the way, that's your father." And that's, that's how she broke the news.

• 1:36:38Stavros Halkias?

  Woo! You don't wanna say?

• 1:36:40Speaker 01

  I don't know, but it's-

• 1:36:42Stavros Halkias?

  It was a comedian?

• 1:36:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:45Speaker 01

  Traveling comedian.

• 1:36:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 1:36:48Speaker 01

  I mean, actually, it's out there now. They know it. It's the guy who used to book Letterman.

• 1:36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, Eddie Brill?

• 1:36:53Speaker 01

  Eddie Brill was his dad. Yeah, I'm doing you.

• 1:36:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's hilarious, because he's a fucking ugly guy.

• 1:36:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like.

• 1:36:59Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, mom!

• 1:37:00Speaker 01

  So much better looking than that.

• 1:37:01Stavros Halkias?

  You fuck Eddie Brill?

• 1:37:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's coming from me, folks. Look up what that guy looks like. Tough one. You're like, Jesus, it couldn't have been fucking Jim Carrey before he got famous? It was around the same era. So funny.

• 1:37:15Speaker 01

  What a wild way to know.

• 1:37:16Stavros Halkias?

  And also, it's like, imagine you go to a comedy show and your dad did, like, the sixth best.

• 1:37:22Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, fuck, he wasn't the worst, but he wasn't killing.

• 1:37:24Speaker 01

  Remember the guy that was, like, sort of forgettable?

• 1:37:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. He had a couple good ones.

• 1:37:28Speaker 01

  Didn't even bomb. Wasn't even, like, fun.

• 1:37:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, didn't bomb, did just okay, had one joke you, you thought he was a good joke, and you're like, oh, no, that was a different comic. By the way, that happens all the time. People come up to you, and they're like, I love that joke, and they're talking to me about a JP joke.

• 1:37:43Speaker 01

  It's, you know why?

• 1:37:43Stavros Halkias?

  And then they'll do the same thing to JP, where they're talking about a joke, and it's just so weird, right? I don't know why.

• 1:37:47Speaker 01

  I had one in Anchorage. Me and David Taylor did a gig, and he's a much better writer than me.

• 1:37:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:37:53Speaker 01

  And, and far more annoying face than people call him, the bald F-word a lot, and he's not gay, but it's like, they want to hurt him, because he just has this, I'm better than you face. And, and.

• 1:38:03Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious description of a guy.

• 1:38:05Speaker 01

  Everyone kept, oh, I love that NASCAR joke. I'm like, that's David's. I love that joke. I'm like, that's David's.

• 1:38:08Stavros Halkias?

  They just hated him.

• 1:38:09Speaker 01

  You liked me, and you supplanted his good jokes onto me.

• 1:38:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny.

• 1:38:13Speaker 01

  Because you know you related to him.

• 1:38:14Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. But no, I don't know. I just feel like sometimes that, I just think jokes get into people's heads differently.

• 1:38:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:21Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, so, uh, fuck.

• 1:38:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I give a hint to the friend.

• 1:38:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you either hint.

• 1:38:27Speaker 01

  You've got a weapon there.

• 1:38:28Stavros Halkias?

  Hint to the friend, watch Meet the Fuckers. Do you have an idea?

• 1:38:31Speaker 02

  I like, I like the hints. I think Meet the Fuckers is actually a really good idea to be stealthy about it. I'll also say, in my research, like, when I was getting ready to propose, especially when it came to, like, getting the ring, I was like, how the fuck do you pick this out?

• 1:38:42Speaker 01

  That's a hard one.

• 1:38:43Speaker 02

  I wanted to be a surprise. I don't really want to ask anyone. I was, like, looking around. It is like, so many people, like, so many girlfriends, like, take their boyfriends out.

• 1:38:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:53Speaker 02

  They're like. This is a ring. We're designing it together. They're heavy handed. So it's like, also, if you really want it and care about it, it's okay not to leave it up to chance. You could like, just be so literal and heavy handed about it. Especially if it's as aloof as like you're describing.

• 1:39:10Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's, the way it should be done is, you have like a simple gold ring that's almost symbolic.

• 1:39:16Speaker 01

  Symbolic. Aren't you ring? Fun yen?

• 1:39:18Stavros Halkias?

  And then she says yes, and then you then go together to pick out the real one. I don't know why that's not the way we do this.

• 1:39:24Speaker 01

  Cause that would make so much more sense. Something plastic. You're at the circus, let me buy something at the circus here.

• 1:39:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. And then we'll go get the real one.

• 1:39:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, then we'll go to some real. But also, if you're actually talking to them about the proposal, the marriage, so people do that.

• 1:39:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:36Speaker 01

  Then it's like, then just tell them.

• 1:39:38Stavros Halkias?

  Just say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:39Speaker 01

  If it's not a full surprise, then there's nothing to ruin.

• 1:39:41Stavros Halkias?

  There's not, yeah, exactly. It's like, you guys are in love. You, you, you know this is trending this way. It's in, oh, hell yeah. The twisted tea mate.

• 1:39:56Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome. Yeah. That's good shit. Next question.

• 1:40:05Stavros Halkias?

  Give us what, do you have an alternate twisted on there, Aldous? Or are those not loaded up?

• 1:40:09Speaker 01

  How do you say twisted in Spanish?

• 1:40:10Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know.

• 1:40:13Stavros Halkias?

  That's fine. Place it up. I don't know how you say it in Greek. Twisted. Yeris menno is turned around.

• 1:40:19Speaker 01

  Wait, what's twisted in Spanish? I wanna know.

• 1:40:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, cause you're doing it right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:25Speaker 01

  Look it up for me. Twisted. I guess turned around. Yeah, what's?

• 1:40:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeris menno, yeah. I think it's more, it's probably idiom based, right? Cause twisted is kinda like, it's more cultural, you know?

• 1:40:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, when I was learning Hebrew, I was like doing a sentence, it was like.

• 1:40:39Speaker 02

  Retorcida?

• 1:40:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:40:42Speaker 02

  Uh, in Spanish, retorcida?

• 1:40:44Stavros Halkias?

  Why don't you play the fucking?

• 1:40:44Speaker 01

  Retrosado, yeah. Retrosada. Retrosada, twisted.

• 1:40:47Stavros Halkias?

  Play, play the, uh.

• 1:40:49Speaker 01

  Here we go.

• 1:40:51Speaker 02

  Question?

• 1:40:51Speaker 01

  Retrosida.

• 1:40:54Stavros Halkias?

  Put in keep it twisted and let Google say it. Keep it twisted in Spanish.

• 1:41:01Stavros Halkias?

  And yes, this is worth doing in the middle of the podcast.

• 1:41:04Speaker 01

  I mean, it's sort of fun.

• 1:41:04Stavros Halkias?

  This is the pod you guys are listening to, okay? Play it. Not you saying, you fucking idiot. Jesus. Mantener la retorcida. That's right. Mantenerlo retorcido.

• 1:41:16Speaker 01

  One more time.

• 1:41:19Stavros Halkias?

  Manten- tenerlo retorcido. That's right, for the, for the South American market.

• 1:41:27Speaker 01

  If you don't drink it, Uruguay.

• 1:41:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, next question. You, you got it, baby girl. You know what to do here.

• 1:41:36Speaker 01

  Chicks do get crazy about fucking the, the proposal and everything having to go right and the wedding and it's like, that's just their jam.

• 1:41:43Stavros Halkias?

  There is certain, there's definitely certain people that like weddings and proposals are so important to them. And I think, and sometimes it can be surprising. You know, it's a very personal thing for people, even people that you think are very, are non-traditional in some ways. They might surprise you and then the opposite. Sometimes I've known people who are, have super traditional lives. Like, I don't give a fuck about that. I don't need a big wedding. They seem like the people who would care. So you just never know. And it all, it's so personal to you. It's so just about your relationship through your partner. That just make, do whatever you do to make it the way you want it. There's no reason to be like polite about it.

• 1:42:15Speaker 01

  People should just get married alone. It's just you and your partner. And inviting, it's just like, do it by yourself.

• 1:42:22Stavros Halkias?

  The best model, in my opinion, I mean, your wedding was great, where it was like a very small. I like that. Or have it almost even a little, I mean, yours was just a little more than eloping, barely. It was like literally just the closest family.

• 1:42:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:42:37Stavros Halkias?

  But I also like having a even smaller one where it's just like, you know, family, maybe best man made of honor. And then you do it at the courthouse and then you have a fucking big party that's cheaper than a fucking wedding where you don't have to wear a suit.

• 1:42:50Speaker 01

  Party.

• 1:42:51Stavros Halkias?

  You have an awesome party.

• 1:42:52Speaker 01

  Exactly. Do the wedding part yourself.

• 1:42:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:54Speaker 01

  And then make it a future party. I will say this. The farther we get into whatever version of society we've built right now, it's harder and harder to have get togethers. It's just more difficult. Everyone's at work all the time on their phone. It doesn't leave them.

• 1:43:08Stavros Halkias?

  And we've designed our fucking cities, other than, that's why I love New York so much. It's like, it's a real city. It's Europe. It's like Europe. It's like the regular pace. It's walkable. We have designed everyone in suburbs, everywhere where you have to take a car, these fucking developments where it's like everyone gets there. Basically, we've given, we've been given a little nice prison cells where we're isolated and we're not, and, and they don't want. They don't want community because when there's community, people realize that if they together, they could stop all the bullshit that's fucking.

• 1:43:37Speaker 01

  These people chase care stuff.

• 1:43:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, they want you isolated so you don't fucking realize it's fuck, it's it's literally the ruling class that is fucking your life over. And not trans teenagers and fucking Mexican people, but anyway.

• 1:43:51Speaker 01

  But the thing is, if you can force people to get together, a graduation, a wedding, where people can't say no, a going away party, it's kind of like, it's my obligation to go, it's then it's your obligation to force them.

• 1:44:05Stavros Halkias?

  And it's fun.

• 1:44:06Speaker 01

  So then you have to have the wedding for everybody.

• 1:44:08Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. And dude, I remember when I first.

• 1:44:09Speaker 01

  The party part.

• 1:44:10Stavros Halkias?

  When I first moved to New York, there was a real culture of like, you know, open, we were all open micers at the time, but this 11, 10 years ago. There was a real culture of when it's somebody's birthday, you pick a bar and it's like, and it's better than like, hey, let's like when if somebody were to tell me.

• 1:44:27Speaker 01

  We're going to stop his birthday, you have to go.

• 1:44:29Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly.

• 1:44:29Speaker 01

  It's not just we're meeting up.

• 1:44:31Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. It's like, I would skip a, I would, you know, I would skip just a regular bar night, but if you're like, oh, it's fucking JP's birthday, we're all going to fucking. And I did, and that was a really great community building thing. And that's what we lived in New York. There's so many great bars. In our society, like the, the idea of the third space that's like, it's communal, it only exists for people to hang out. The parks here, you don't have that shit, even bars, movie theaters, fucking bowling leagues and shit like that. We need that in our fucking country. And the way you get that, I mean, the way you get that is public transit, uh, not people in, in, in dense urban areas like. Anyway, there's, there's so much that's been fought, we've been fucked by, I mean, honestly, ironically, one of the best movies about this is Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

• 1:45:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's about, it's basically a movie about how greedy fucking rich, uh, automobile developers destroyed the trolley system in LA. LA used to have some of the best public transit in the fucking country. Anyway, whatever.

• 1:45:25Speaker 02

  How about a fun one to take us on?

• 1:45:27Speaker 01

  We gotta, we gotta clear that.

• 1:45:28Speaker 02

  For our season traveler here.

• 1:45:34Speaker 05

  Hey, dog and esteemed guest, I was calling, so I work with some amigos, they just got here. I worked with them last year.

• 1:45:44Speaker 01

  Vigos?

• 1:45:44Speaker 05

  And whenever I try to speak, you know, Spanish.

• 1:45:47Stavros Halkias?

  Amigos, right?

• 1:45:48Speaker 05

  I throw a little accent in there, accent.

• 1:45:50Stavros Halkias?

  He's talking about Spanish, Mexican guys.

• 1:45:51Speaker 05

  Try to speak. Just got here. I worked with them last year. And whenever I try to speak, you know, Spanish, I throw a little accent in there, accent in there. Trying to speak like them.

• 1:46:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:06Speaker 05

  And I'm trying to see if that's racist or not before I just keep doing it. Or if I should try to do my Spanish in, you know, English.

• 1:46:13Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:46:13Speaker 01

  Interesting question. It's a thinker.

• 1:46:15Speaker 05

  Um, let me know what you think best. Have a great day.

• 1:46:21Stavros Halkias?

  This is an interesting question.

• 1:46:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:22Stavros Halkias?

  Because I think there is a way that it's not racist and there's a way that it's racist.

• 1:46:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. Let's look at in terms of racism versus trying to fit in. Let's look at Madonna having moved to England.

• 1:46:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:32Speaker 01

  And getting a British accent, right? So similar.

• 1:46:35Stavros Halkias?

  Or similar.

• 1:46:36Speaker 01

  But I wouldn't call racist. It's white on white.

• 1:46:38Stavros Halkias?

  To her, it's more poser.

• 1:46:40Speaker 01

  Poser.

• 1:46:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:41Speaker 01

  So, okay.

• 1:46:41Stavros Halkias?

  So are you being a poser? Because I would say it's racist if you don't speak any, if you don't speak a lick of fucking. It's like when like a boomer dad's like, and I'll have the fajitas. You know what I mean? It's like chill. Or if you're like, or if like, you know, even worse, the example of like, I've had a friend, maybe it was Mullen who told this story. Whereas like his dad would just order it. I don't remember if it was Mullen, so let's not, maybe it wasn't him. A friend of mine's dad would order Chinese food and do the like the like, the not even trying to speak Chinese, just was by accident speaking.

• 1:47:15Speaker 01

  I don't want to.

• 1:47:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you, if you, that is, but if you're trying.

• 1:47:20Speaker 01

  Well, it's a crate and barrel. We must do home shopping with crate and barrel.

• 1:47:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. But if, I will say, if you're somebody who's actually learning the language and you're just trying to speak it with better pronunciation, that's not racist.

• 1:47:35Speaker 01

  Also, if you're there, you, you learn it, they say things differently. So you would just like say it the way you learn it.

• 1:47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Like it's really like.

• 1:47:41Speaker 01

  It's actually less under racist.

• 1:47:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's less racist than keeping on to the, uh, hola amigos.

• 1:47:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's racist.

• 1:47:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's actually.

• 1:47:48Speaker 01

  That's like, you know, it's not pronounced for Jesus.

• 1:47:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:50Speaker 01

  Why do you keep saying it like that?

• 1:47:51Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're making an effort. These are your friends. You're not doing it to like weirdly endear yourself to them. You're doing it to improve your Spanish, I would assume.

• 1:47:59Speaker 01

  Dude, when you meet people that learn Spanish in a Spanish country and you're like. Like, oh, you have a flow that I'll never get.

• 1:48:06Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 1:48:06Speaker 01

  I'm like, come out, okay, quanto horas?

• 1:48:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, cuz you're translating.

• 1:48:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:11Stavros Halkias?

  They're speaking, you know what I mean?

• 1:48:13Speaker 01

  They learn it that way.

• 1:48:14Stavros Halkias?

  And that's my problem with Greek. It's like, there's a certain level of Greek where I, I, you know, I, comes out fluent, like the easy stuff. And then when we get to more complex ideas, I start, I start translating. Cuz I'd say it's hard when what you're good at is talking. Cuz I have the shit I wanna say in English. And I'm like, how do I say this in Greek? And that's when I always get tripped up. That's why I wanna live there for six weeks and go native, baby. Go back to my roots.

• 1:48:36Speaker 01

  Oh, it'll grow.

• 1:48:37Stavros Halkias?

  It'll get, oh, yeah.

• 1:48:38Speaker 01

  You'll be forced to.

• 1:48:39Stavros Halkias?

  Find a villager wife. Literally, my, my, literally. And then be like, zyong. Literally, my fantasy that I was saying about you is just what I want, but at a beach.

• 1:48:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:48:50Stavros Halkias?

  Where I just wanna take a villager Greek wife and start a family and then leave. Send them one thousand dollars a month, which in Greece is like ten thousand dollars.

• 1:48:58Speaker 01

  Dude, we had some.

• 1:48:59Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I would love to have the old fashioned, like Dominican setup. Where it's like, you have a family there, you have a family here.

• 1:49:04Speaker 01

  Send them five hundred bucks a month. You're gold. They're living high life. When I was in Thailand, I met so many chicks who had, uh, old British dude on the hook for five hundred a year.

• 1:49:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:49:15Speaker 01

  And it's like, yeah, I'm having trouble. It's like, oh, let me just, like, we had such a great time. You were my tour guide slash fuck buddy.

• 1:49:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good business, tour guide slash fuck buddy.

• 1:49:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:49:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. A very knowledgeable, beautiful woman.

• 1:49:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, they know the streets. Like, that's a tourist stop. We'll take you over here.

• 1:49:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, we'll take you to the good shit.

• 1:49:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. The beach life would be, yes.

• 1:49:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, we'll get there. So, yeah, I say it's not racist.

• 1:49:36Speaker 01

  I say it's not racist. I say you're trying.

• 1:49:39Stavros Halkias?

  Do you, are you, do you, did your, did your Spanish get better?

• 1:49:41Speaker 01

  Oh, it's tons better.

• 1:49:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:43Speaker 01

  Tons better.

• 1:49:43Stavros Halkias?

  Are you, like, how, are you trying to learn it for real? Can you?

• 1:49:48Stavros Halkias?

  And that's the episode, folks. Thank you for listening to Tommy's World.

• 1:49:53Speaker 01

  I'm trying to.

• 1:49:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's, oh, I'm catching a whiff of that.

• 1:49:56Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 1:50:00Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you to... Orishafir, watch the end.

• 1:50:04Speaker 01

  The end's available right now. Shane Kosh, Shane Gillis, Night Stavros.

• 1:50:08Stavros Halkias?

  Why did I buy you a cream cheese bagel?

• 1:50:10Speaker 01

  Mark Norman's in there. Joe List, everybody, guys. All the money is splitting, split up to the comedians.

• 1:50:17Stavros Halkias?

  If you're a communist, you'll enjoy the end.

• 1:50:20Speaker 01

  It's that cream cheese.

• 1:50:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's that cream cheese.

• 1:50:23Speaker 01

  With that everything bagel. Don't blame yourself.

• 1:50:25Stavros Halkias?

  We'll see you next time, guys. Bye.