Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast Kids Who Yell at Their Parents! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 14,170 words · 4 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:06 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
0:07 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they group to be classy.
0:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:12 H. Foley? They're just a big ol' piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She had to get a cyst drained.
0:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:24 Speaker 01 At some point, I think you're just reading your medical chart.
0:26 H. Foley? No. I wasn't at the doctor's this morning, no.
0:29 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
0:30 H. Foley? My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage, international businessman. He's my goddamn boss, so do me a favor. Make me look good and give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
0:41 Speaker 01 Ah.
0:41 H. Foley? Yeah. Woo, there he is, huh? Getting ready. Checks are coming in.
0:48 Speaker 01 Uh, what's up, everybody? Uh, we're withholding pay this week and dude, there's gonna be massive layoffs.
0:55 H. Foley? That's bullshit, by the way.
0:56 Speaker 01 I gotta cut, I gotta, I gotta cut spending. I got shareholders I gotta talk to.
1:01 H. Foley? I don't like guessing when the checks are ready, by the way. Should be Friday.
1:04 Speaker 01 What?
1:05 H. Foley? Should be able to come in here on Friday and get our checks.
1:09 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:09 H. Foley? Sign out for them.
1:11 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:11 H. Foley? That's how you should be doing it.
1:13 Speaker 01 First of all, I'm not doing it. There's a guy doing it.
1:16 H. Foley? That'd be cool.
1:17 Speaker 01 You make it seem like I'm over here with a checkbook.
1:19 H. Foley? That way, like, if we're off on a Friday, me and Luke can link up and, yeah, we'll walk over and get our check. We'll walk over and get our check.
1:26 Speaker 01 You guys can do whatever you want to do.
1:27 H. Foley? And then we get here at noon when they say the ADP guy's gonna be here. And then he's not here, then we hang around. And then we can, like, ask Ryan D., like, "Yeah, you know when the checks are coming in? The checks come in?"
1:37 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
1:38 H. Foley? I used to fucking be there. Man.
1:42 Speaker 01 Thursday night.
1:42 H. Foley? Thursday night.
1:44 Speaker 01 Pregame in this motherfucker.
1:45 H. Foley? And in my head, it's like, "I need it, I need it, I need it." And I would just blow it.
1:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:49 H. Foley? Just blow it for the weekend.
1:51 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. It's classic H. Folt.
1:53 H. Foley? But in my head, I would tell myself, like, "Ah, I gotta get, you know, take care of this, take care of that." There's no reason why anybody should get their check on a Friday. You wait till Monday.
2:03 Speaker 01 Sure.
2:04 H. Foley? Fifty years old, I never did it. Never.
2:08 Speaker 01 Thanks for tuning in everybody. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, uh, full video available over there on Spotify and the Boys Ark.
2:15 H. Foley? Yeah.
2:15 Speaker 01 I'm in the charts.
2:16 H. Foley? That's right, yeah, we are.
2:17 Speaker 01 Uh, then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage.
2:23 H. Foley? Shout out to the army of garbage.
2:24 Speaker 01 You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. Join the over pushing 16,000 paid members.
2:30 H. Foley? I like to hear it.
2:33 H. Foley? And he got those, they got those non-paid members.
2:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, I don't know what they're doing.
2:37 H. Foley? Hey, what are you doing over there?
2:38 Speaker 01 You don't come on a lot unless you're looking to buy.
2:39 H. Foley? Yeah, take a step in.
2:41 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
2:42 H. Foley? You just peeking around, watching.
2:45 Speaker 01 Looking's for free, touching's gonna cost ya. Alright, alright.
2:50 H. Foley? It's the way Patty always did it.
2:51 Speaker 01 Uh, my big thing was, oh, I would, I'd get my, I'd pick up my check, I, you know, most of high school, I worked at a supermarket. I would go pick up my check, they would cash it for you, freebie.
3:00 H. Foley? That's bad. Man.
3:02 Speaker 01 Walk out of there, ca- pack of heaters, like a pack of Marlboro lights, huh? Maybe Marlboro miles that they were buy, buy one, buy one, get one.
3:10 H. Foley? That's a sweet game. What's the point of even putting on a check then? Just give me cash. Skip the middleman.
3:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, you gotta put on a check.
3:16 H. Foley? Was there a bank in there, or did they just cash it at the customer service?
3:19 Speaker 01 There was a bank in there, but customer service cashed it for you.
3:22 H. Foley? That's taking care of your own.
3:24 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, dawg.
3:25 H. Foley? That's like, can cash it if you can. When he's like, you can always cash, you probably can cash, cash your check at the airport.
3:29 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
3:30 H. Foley? The airlines have always taken care of their own. How come I can't cash my shit here?
3:34 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
3:34 H. Foley? Dickhead.
3:39 H. Foley? How sick would that be? Man, get cashing it right there.
3:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was, it was awesome. You always had cash. There was no like this and then that, and there's no waiting period, no like... Well, that was back in the day where you deposited a check, they might clear the first hundred. And he's gonna get me past fucking happy hour, dawg.
3:57 H. Foley? You know, I got a bonus pick with Navy Federal on that. It used to be when COVID hit, they figured you need to have cash quick. So they'd give you 225 upfront. Like, if you cashed the check for like 500 bucks, they'd give you 225 right-
4:12 Speaker 01 Are you telling me you're in a position where you need 225?
4:15 H. Foley? I'm just talking here.
4:16 Speaker 01 Okay, I'm just asking.
4:17 H. Foley? It used to be, get 225 upfront and you get the rest the next business day. Now you gotta wait a couple of business days. Yeah, no fucking branches. I gotta go out to the Merchant Marine Academy in Long Island. If I want to do business.
4:36 Speaker 01 Have the other kids pick on you, shove you in a locker.
4:39 H. Foley? Nah, we beat them.
4:40 Speaker 01 Um, yeah.
4:42 H. Foley? Played them for the Mac championship.
4:43 Speaker 01 My, cool. My thing was always, uh...
4:46 H. Foley? Widener pioneers, 1996.
4:47 Speaker 01 Sorry, do you want me to carry you off the field or something?
4:50 H. Foley? That Gatorade bath wouldn't kill me.
4:52 Speaker 01 A bath wouldn't kill you. I don't care what, I don't care what liquid it is. Um, my whole thing, and I, I would, it would fucking frustrate the shit out of me. I remember just driving and being so fucking mad. I would blow all my fucking money in that weekend. I'd get all my cash, I'd fucking pick up my check, blow it that weekend.
5:13 H. Foley? Yeah.
5:13 Speaker 01 Then I'd have to learn how to live poor, Monday to Friday, for god forbid, for two weeks. And I was so fucking mad, I'd be like, and I would, I would live poor. No care. You know, I got 80 bucks, 60 bucks to get me through the week.
5:28 H. Foley? It's really where I belong.
5:30 Speaker 01 I know, but then I go, if I could just live like that with my money in the bank, just live off the 50 to 60.
5:35 H. Foley? Never, never gonna happen.
5:35 Speaker 01 Never, never. And I just remember like, just driving my car, being like, dude, you made the stupidest fucking mistakes again. Again, you did it. Again.
5:45 H. Foley? It's my life, dog.
5:46 Speaker 01 Again.
5:47 H. Foley? You're speaking my fucking language.
5:49 Speaker 01 I mean, I do it now, I'm just like, why, what did you do that for?
5:52 H. Foley? I've gotten to the point now where I don't even worry about it, because it's like...
5:56 Speaker 01 You should, from what I hear.
5:58 H. Foley? You've done it for so long.
5:59 Speaker 01 From the reports I'm getting.
6:00 H. Foley? It's cause like, you know that, okay, you, you go out, you get paid, you blow all your money, then that, you're like, oh my god, how is this? How, how am I gonna do this for two weeks before I get paid again? You do it, you figure it out.
6:13 Speaker 01 That's what I'm saying, you always figured it out.
6:14 H. Foley? Yeah, buttered noodle pasta, mac and cheese.
6:18 Speaker 01 That was one of my favorite, I remember when I...
6:19 H. Foley? Change, change makes this world go around, ladies and gentlemen.
6:23 Speaker 01 If you were sitting on like, a Poland Spring bottle of changer, or a quarter of a coffee can or something like that, you haven't touched in a minute? As I'm, I'm just gonna roth fire, fucking IRA. Cash that baby out. How you do that untaxed?
6:39 H. Foley? And you know, I give New York City credit on this. You know, it's a very expensive city, all that kinda bullshit. You can eat.
6:47 Speaker 01 Cheap eats, dog. Under five bucks.
6:49 H. Foley? You ain't, you ain't go to a fucking Chinese restaurant, you get a fucking thing of chicken noodle soup for like two bucks. Quarter.
6:56 Speaker 01 I mean, as, you know, as a, a, a poor struggling comedian.
7:02 Speaker 01 Hope you guys brought your own spoons. Uh, as poor struggling comedians for a long time in New York City, me and you had to do that a lot. Where like the nicest meal would be a diner or something like that. I mean, even then, I'd spring for that, uh, chicken parm panini on a focaccia. That was, that was two meals right there.
7:19 H. Foley? Shared out with Rubenoff.
7:20 Speaker 01 Seven ninety-nine or something, came with like a soup and a salad. Woo!
7:24 H. Foley? That focaccia really changed the game. A lot of girth on that.
7:27 Speaker 01 It was moist. That's a moist bread. My, my wife.
7:31 H. Foley? That's just pizza crust.
7:32 Speaker 01 I know. Like, like, like deep dish pizza crust, too. Oily.
7:37 H. Foley? How the fuck didn't we have that when we were kids? Focaccia.
7:40 Speaker 01 Oh, Denise would never. Some focaccia? Let me see your papers.
7:45 H. Foley? Sounds like a slutty Italian girl.
7:46 Speaker 01 I know, yeah, right. I went to school with the focaccias. They're all bad news. Tony Focaccia. Mary Beth Focaccia.
7:54 H. Foley? Yeah. Man. Hot Italian chick in high, high school? Forget about it.
7:59 Speaker 01 Thick mustache. Ain't that.
8:01 H. Foley? Had a couple of them.
8:02 Speaker 01 Okay, see, we're going down memory lane today.
8:06 H. Foley? You brought it up.
8:07 Speaker 01 What? Not hot chicks.
8:08 H. Foley? Talking about chicks and pizza, dude.
8:10 Speaker 01 You're too.
8:12 H. Foley? I'll tell you who I got a fucking problem with. And I don't mean to.
8:15 Speaker 01 That annoyed to keep stealing my pizza.
8:17 H. Foley? I don't mean to air family business, I know we got a family episode to get to, all this stuff.
8:21 Speaker 01 Was this about me?
8:22 H. Foley? No.
8:22 Speaker 01 Then I don't care.
8:23 H. Foley? It's about my mother.
8:25 Speaker 01 Dish.
8:26 H. Foley? Uh, my cousin popped up yesterday, was in the studio. Cousin, young actor.
8:31 Speaker 01 Case in a joint that kid was.
8:32 H. Foley? Young actor. Model, doing big things, doing, doing good stuff.
8:36 Speaker 01 Saw him writing down my credit card number.
8:39 H. Foley? He's up here doing a little print work. Your neck of the woods, fashion stuff.
8:45 Speaker 01 Love it.
8:45 H. Foley? Yeah, very nice.
8:47 Speaker 01 Is that his neck of the woods?
8:48 H. Foley? I don't know. He's a young, rich, good-looking kid.
8:52 Speaker 01 What am I?
8:52 H. Foley? He knows fashion.
8:53 Speaker 01 I'm not a young, rich, good-looking kid?
8:55 H. Foley? What are you? What are you?
8:57 Speaker 01 Dude, I caught my crow's feet the other day. Achi machi. Look like I murdered a crow if you catch my trip.
9:04 H. Foley? Where's your crow's feet? Oh, yeah. Man.
9:08 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. What do you got going on?
9:09 H. Foley? I have some dent.
9:10 Speaker 01 Start calling you Boyle Bob.
9:11 H. Foley? I have a dent. Can you see the dent in my head?
9:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:15 H. Foley? I don't know what that's from. I'm getting Botox.
9:19 Speaker 01 It's a fucking vacuum your brain going, sucking in black hole in there.
9:24 H. Foley? Now, you know what it is.
9:25 Speaker 01 You want to get Botox? You get all juiced up.
9:27 H. Foley? That's what we gotta do. I gotta get it under the eyes. I gotta get it in the forehead. Plus, you can get a little shot in the noodle there.
9:36 Speaker 01 I'm, yeah. I mean, okay.
9:38 H. Foley? All right. Just letting you know.
9:40 Speaker 01 Smooth it out. Get rid of the rinky-dinks.
9:42 H. Foley? That's the reports I've gotten from the, uh, from the Washington Heights bulletin board. Limp noodle in 12D.
9:52 H. Foley? He didn't appreciate that, did he?
9:53 Speaker 01 I mean...
9:54 H. Foley? So, listen. So, my cousin's...
9:56 Speaker 01 I don't... I mean, what am I supposed to... No, it sounds more... It sounds more true if I overly defend it. No! No, it's how it works!
10:04 H. Foley? What, 12E?
10:06 Speaker 01 It's not even my apartment.
10:07 H. Foley? So, my cousin's up here. Now, he stays at the house a lot with Patty. You know, when he's moving through, he'll crash at Patty's, which I had to ask him.
10:15 Speaker 01 Which, I don't want to say anything. Obviously, family's a little bit off limits, specifically when he's here. You asked him where he's laying his head at nowadays.
10:24 H. Foley? If he sleeps in my room or my brother's room.
10:26 Speaker 01 I know, but he was just like here and there. Like, he didn't sound like he had a permanent address.
10:33 H. Foley? Well, he's moving around... No, he does have a permanent address, but he...
10:36 Speaker 01 A P.O. box does not count.
10:38 H. Foley? His parents live more towards Westchester, so if he's working in the area, he'll crash at Patty's.
10:46 Speaker 01 Okay.
10:47 H. Foley? Here's the thing with that. I don't sleep in my room.
10:51 Speaker 01 It's not your room.
10:53 H. Foley? That's my room. It's got my fucking map on the wall. It's got my toys and shit in there.
10:57 Speaker 01 Your toys from like this year, you mean? It's not like your childhood toys. I've been in that room. That room stinks. That's like a bad motel, that room is. You were like, "Yeah, how cool is this?" I was like, "Okay." Looks like where they drain dead bodies. It's got linoleum floor.
11:13 H. Foley? No.
11:14 Speaker 01 It ain't carpet. It ain't carpet.
11:15 H. Foley? That's my brother's room.
11:16 Speaker 01 Is it carpet?
11:18 H. Foley? Yeah, it's carpet.
11:19 Speaker 01 Not wall to wall. There's a rug in there.
11:25 Speaker 01 That's L- that's that linoleum.
11:27 H. Foley? It's like the house they got fucking Hoffa in.
11:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:32 H. Foley? Some guy putting down fresh flooring. What the fuck?
11:35 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
11:35 H. Foley? Jimmy Snake Eyes, what are you doing here?
11:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:38 H. Foley? That's my room, goddammit.
11:39 Speaker 01 I wouldn't sleep there.
11:40 H. Foley? That place was popping back in the day. I got all this-
11:43 Speaker 01 You're talking about whaling on yourself popping.
11:45 H. Foley? I got all this furniture. When I was in high school, I got all this furniture from some rich guy that-
11:50 Speaker 01 What do you mean, all this? Room's not that big. How much furniture-
11:53 H. Foley? I had a whole setup in there.
11:54 Speaker 01 Like what?
11:54 H. Foley? Like dressers.
11:56 Speaker 01 Whoa, okay.
11:56 H. Foley? And cabinets, but it was-
11:58 Speaker 01 Cabinets? In a kitchen?
12:01 Speaker 01 You're making cereal in the middle of it?
12:03 H. Foley? Get dressed up-
12:04 Speaker 01 Really got cabinets in your-
12:06 H. Foley? I do- one of my buddies had a- he had his clothes in a china cabinet. In their living room.
12:12 Speaker 01 That's wild.
12:13 H. Foley? Yeah.
12:14 Speaker 01 That's real tough.
12:16 H. Foley? Single mom.
12:17 Speaker 01 Dude, me and- my dad, when my dad moved out, the one thing that he, I don't know why, he had this- We always called it an armoire.
12:26 Speaker 01 Which to me, might as well been like hand chiseled in the French Riviera and brought to our house.
12:31 H. Foley? Yeah, armoire.
12:32 Speaker 01 Yeah. And this thing might have been 1,200 pounds. It was like the- it was the weight of a Buick.
12:39 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
12:40 Speaker 01 And my mom would be gone for so long. And for whatever reason, Danny wanted that in his room.
12:45 H. Foley? What, like riding cross-country with bikers? What do you mean?
12:47 Speaker 01 What?
12:48 H. Foley? Gone for so long.
12:49 Speaker 01 She'd be at work for like- I mean, on a summer day, she's- she leaves or whatever, she'd just- we'd just be by ourselves.
12:54 H. Foley? She's like out at Sturgis or something.
12:56 Speaker 01 I picked up on that. Down there, but she's someone's old lady.
13:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, she's been patched over.
13:05 Speaker 01 The Mongols got her.
13:07 H. Foley? How does that work?
13:08 Speaker 01 What?
13:08 H. Foley? I never watched Sons of the
13:09 Speaker 01 A patch over?
13:10 H. Foley? Yeah. Are those chicks just passed around?
13:13 Speaker 01 No, it's someone's old lady.
13:15 H. Foley? Those bikers cannot be romantic lovers, I would assume.
13:18 Speaker 01 Uh huh. And what are you?
13:20 H. Foley? I'm soft. Soft touch romantic?
13:24 Speaker 01 I think it's called mushy. Wet, slobbery, a lot of boogers.
13:31 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, someone's old lady. I mean, I'm sure there's, you know, a little bit of trimnigance, you know, for the team.
13:38 H. Foley? Sure. You got anything on this, Luke?
13:40 Speaker 01 I think that's most gangs.
13:42 Speaker 02 Once you're someone's old lady, then you're safe from not being passed over, it seems like.
13:45 Speaker 01 You're my old lady.
13:46 H. Foley? Passed over, passed around?
13:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:51 Speaker 01 Don't act like that. Don't get you off. Can't pass around like a loose joint.
13:55 H. Foley? I just think of that, the back room of that bar that they went in in True Detective to find what's his name.
14:02 H. Foley? It didn't look very sexy. Probably couldn't get a Red Bull vodka. Two espresso martinis?
14:09 Speaker 01 You guys do Mai Thais?
14:12 H. Foley? Well, take a look at a food menu, too.
14:15 Speaker 01 Lot of gin going on.
14:16 H. Foley? Thank you, ice pick.
14:20 H. Foley? Uh, no, we don't do meth. Thank you.
14:26 Speaker 01 What's the soup de jour?
14:30 Speaker 01 Um...
14:30 H. Foley? These Crayton egg rolls look pretty good.
14:33 Speaker 01 What were you saying? Where were you going?
14:35 H. Foley? I was bitching about my mom. Well, you were talking about your mom out, hanging out with bikers, but she would...
14:39 Speaker 01 No, I wasn't. No, me and Danny tried moving that armoire together. He must have been 12, I'm seven. And I'm like, he's like, yeah, just tip it back.
14:51 H. Foley? Oh, I don't get ya.
14:53 Speaker 01 Oh dude, this thing pinned me down. I thought they had to break out the fucking jewels of life. I just say, I remember my knees hurting. This thing fell on me and I'm pinned under it. Now his, he can't get it.
15:05 H. Foley? There was never a moving situation of that nature where a totally unnecessary argument wasn't going to organically start. Like if me and my brother, right now, if you, if you asked me and my brother to like lift this table and take it downstairs. At some point, there would be a, "What the fuck are you doing? Hold it, hold it." There'd be something like that.
15:29 Speaker 01 I would, I gotta, me and my brother-
15:31 H. Foley? We'd get it down here.
15:32 Speaker 01 Sure. We worked a lot for our family's construction company, so we moved a lot of shit and a lot of iffy. So, we worked well together. To me, a lot of hook it, a lot of, "To me, to me, I come up, you come down." We were very, very good in that. Because we're always moving shit we shouldn't have been moving.
15:51 H. Foley? You know what sucks is moving a mattress. You can never get a fucking, like a king-sized mattress, trying to get that around a corner. You just can't get a grip on it.
15:59 Speaker 01 You think they're gonna be lighter, too.
16:00 H. Foley? It's like you're fighting Clayman or something like that. You can't squeeze him.
16:05 H. Foley? Playface.
16:07 H. Foley? Whatever. Speaking of which, speaking of furniture, you'll appreciate this. Educated guy like you, you not so much.
16:12 Speaker 01 Uh... Cabinets in your, what else was, no, what else was in your room? Cabinets, what?
16:17 H. Foley? Well, here's the thing-
16:17 Speaker 01 Because that room's small.
16:19 H. Foley? It's a small room, but it would all went along the wall. And the bed was a part of it. I got this whole set from this, from this rich guy, whose kid had went to college. And it was his childhood set. It was for a kid. But I had it in high school. So, I had the bed that had drawers underneath it. It was all white.
16:39 Speaker 01 How big of a bed?
16:40 H. Foley? It was a, it was a twin. Twin bed. I remember I carved me and my high school girlfriend's name in, in the side of it.
16:47 Speaker 01 Frank. Henry and Frankie sitting in the tree.
16:52 H. Foley? I wasn't anybody's old lady yet.
16:54 Speaker 01 I just hope he asks me.
16:56 H. Foley? I'm getting pissed around. Uh, and then it had, um, a, uh, a dresser with, that a bookshelf on it, then a desk, do my homework. Then another dresser-
17:10 Speaker 01 He did not.
17:11 H. Foley? And, and a thing, and then it had a computer stand that came out that you, that you went into the wall, that my dad had to put into the wall. Couldn't put a computer on it. They would fall over. So, we just had a little broomstick that held it up. That my dad saw it off perfectly, by the way. But I couldn't use it to put my computer on.
17:29 Speaker 01 That's what I had going in there. Pretty good. Fuck you. What do you think about that? I remember my dad moved into his, we was renting a house. That was like, the first time I realized you could rent a home. Like, I was like, I thought everybody owned a home. I didn't realize you could rent like a single family home. Nah. It's for dads, you know, or, you know, I get it. It was good. Businessman on the run from the cartel. Sure, sure. That's what it is. These rooms were always so, he tried, I gotta give it to him, he tried. But the rooms, but we moved, I ran a lot of places, now I'm looking back. Um. I feel like there's bodies in the walls. Yeah, real Sicario vibes.
18:08 Speaker 01 We're in it. Um, he went out and bought me and my, me and my brother and my sister new bedroom sets. That was gonna like, want us to be there. You know what I mean? It was like a, they were like stash, I imagine this is where like drug dealers live in stash houses. Like a lot of like, cause he's also not, he's like renting a place, he's like, I'm not, but it was a home, so there was like a living room, a dining room, but there's no furniture in there. You know, cause he's like, I'm not gonna get a fucking, a single dad. I'm not gonna spend two grand on a dining room set, you know what I mean? A perfectly good couch I could cry on.
18:43 Speaker 01 And, uh, so I remember him being like, we had these rooms with this new furniture in it, and it was so life, it was like, That smell of like cheap plastic. That cheap like particle board wood. Ooh. And I remember we had, and me and Danny were like, I was like, this is cool. And Danny's like, this ain't. Read the room. This ain't great. This ain't. We're jammed the fuck up. That's all for Mica. Your fat ass is gonna fall right through that. She could come back and bite us in the ass in 15 years for sure. There's a lot of trauma floating around his, his stale ass house. It's like demo shit, like, you know, like, when they have like a fake TV? Remember discovering that, when you picked, you could pick it up and it was, it was plastic? I didn't know that. My stepdad scared the shit out of me. He threw one at me.
19:29 Speaker 01 Cause he got one from like a sample home or something.
19:31 H. Foley? I used to love that.
19:32 Speaker 01 And he goes, hand me that. He goes, here. And wung it. And dude, I fucking shit traumatized me.
19:38 H. Foley? Being in like an Ikea like that as a kid and like seeing like the, imagining your life in those different rooms and all that stuff. Like, why don't we get this shit? This kid's got fucking telescope in his room. Fuck's he doing? Telescope, fucking spaceman sheets, cool bed. Sleeping on some old fucking orthodontist's kid shit.
19:59 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
20:00 H. Foley? Fucking bullshit. Kip, let's talk about Shopify.
20:03 Speaker 01 Shopify, Shopify, Shopify.
20:04 H. Foley? Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the United States of America. I'm gonna say that again. 10% of all the e-commerce in the United States of America from household names like...
20:21 Speaker 01 Are you garbage?
20:22 H. Foley? Yay! Are you garbage? To brands that are just getting started. Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style.
20:34 Speaker 01 Yes, and from a business standpoint, uh, you can accelerate your efficiency whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product description, page headlines, even enhance your product photography. Listen, it is the goat. We got a lot of hustlers out there, right? We got a lot of guys doing side projects, trying to get this product out to ground. I'm selling this, I'm doing that. Shopify.
20:58 H. Foley? Make it the full time, baby.
20:59 Speaker 01 If you're doing, say you're doing stuff at the, uh, at a flea market and you wanna take credit cards. Boom, Shopify. Say you also sell online. Boom, Shopify. Say you got, you got a brewery in two different locations. Boom, Shopify. That's how you're doing it. Uh, Shopify is the commerce expert with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping, processing refunds, and beyond. Listen, AYG is a Shopify company. If you ever bought anything on the road or from our store, any merch from us is Shopify. They take care of you.
21:27 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
21:27 Speaker 01 And, uh, now it's time to turn those what-ifs into, uh, Shopify today. Sign up with your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com/garbage. Go to Shopify.com, Shopify, Shopify.com/garbage. One more time, that's Shopify.com/garbage.
21:43 H. Foley? Do it. Kip, what do you know about Aura Frames?
21:45 Speaker 01 Uh, Aura Frame, Aura Frame, Aura Frame, Aura Frame.
21:48 H. Foley? Would you agree that Aura Frames is the best gift to get?
21:52 Speaker 01 Well, let me, for any occasion.
21:53 H. Foley? Any occasion, Kippy!
21:55 Speaker 01 I know it's great for birthdays, I know it's great for Mother's Day, I know it's great for Valentine's Day, I know it's great for Flag Day, I know it's great for ar- it's great for any occasion.
22:02 H. Foley? So you think moms would like it, dads would like it, uh...
22:05 Speaker 01 Grandparents?
22:05 H. Foley? Grandparents would like it.
22:06 Speaker 01 Your Mima, your Peepa, your Oma, your Opa?
22:09 H. Foley? Digital frame.
22:10 Speaker 01 Yes.
22:11 H. Foley? Aura. Do yourself a favor, pick one up and be the hit of whatever special occasion you got coming up.
22:17 Speaker 01 Of the next July 4th. And hey, let me drop a couple of bombs on ya. How about free unlimited storage?
22:24 H. Foley? Carvermat.
22:24 Speaker 01 You add as many photos and videos as you want, you can pre-upload photos before it ships.
22:29 H. Foley? That's great.
22:30 Speaker 01 Keep adding them from anywhere, anytime. "Oh my god, what's the baby doing?" Boom! That's what I do to Denise. She goes, "Oh, you never come and see me?" I go, "Picture of the baby." "Oh, when are you gonna...?" Oh, boom, picture of my balls.
22:39 H. Foley? Giving you the finger.
22:40 Speaker 01 Uh, name number one by Wirecutter. You can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com for a limited time. Listeners can get $35 off their best-selling... Carvermat.
22:49 H. Foley? Carvermat.
22:50 Speaker 01 With the code GARBAGE. That's A-U-R-A, Frames.com, promo code GARBAGE. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Do it.
22:58 H. Foley? Yeah. Anyway, so my cousin stays there, at the house. The reason I ask him about what room do you sleep in is I want him fucking whacking it in my fucking bed.
23:07 Speaker 01 You think he's crashing for a night at his aunt's house and he's wailing on himself?
23:11 H. Foley? I don't know, I do it everywhere. Everywhere and anywhere.
23:14 Speaker 01 That's why you're not allowed over.
23:16 H. Foley? Is that true?
23:17 Speaker 01 Well, you just...
23:18 H. Foley? I wouldn't do it at your house.
23:19 Speaker 01 You just said anywhere and anywhere.
23:23 H. Foley? I wouldn't do it there.
23:25 Speaker 01 Have you slept over?
23:26 H. Foley? No. Depends what we were doing before we went to bed.
23:29 Speaker 01 I'm not kissing ya. I'm getting you all fucking worked up and then sending you to the guest room. Fucking wacko.
23:38 H. Foley? We're doing the thing like in a rom-com where I come out in the middle of the night.
23:41 Speaker 01 We're both at the door, just two different times.
23:46 Speaker 01 Oh, we're right there. Maybe that's what this whole show is. Our sexual tension.
23:50 H. Foley? Laying in bed, rolling over.
23:52 Speaker 01 We're actually in love with each other.
23:54 H. Foley? No.
23:55 Speaker 01 Play tummy sticks.
23:56 H. Foley? Ew. Anyway.
23:58 Speaker 01 Talking about whaling on your.
23:59 H. Foley? So like, a couple of weeks ago, I went home and this dumb broad did something to our TV.
24:05 Speaker 01 Your mom.
24:06 H. Foley? My mother. Did something to the TV where you put the volume up and down. It didn't do anything. So I fix it. And then I guess in between then and now, she fucking messes up the closed captioning. Now, when I get there.
24:23 Speaker 01 She can't read, so that's a problem.
24:27 Speaker 01 It's in Russian. She's being indoctrinated.
24:31 H. Foley? Instead of.
24:32 Speaker 01 MAAT reen candidate?
24:33 H. Foley? Instead of just saying to my cousin, "Hey, I don't know how to do this." She throws me, because he tells me at dinner last night.
24:40 Speaker 01 By the way, where'd you go?
24:41 H. Foley? Smith.
24:44 Speaker 01 Who picked up that job? I assume this hardworking, good-looking kid did. Because from what I understand, you're waiting on 225 from Navy Federal.
24:54 Speaker 01 Did that go on the company card?
24:55 H. Foley? Maybe.
24:56 Speaker 01 Should I, can I check the balance right now?
24:58 H. Foley? If you want to. Check anything you want. Walk right now. We're talking about business.
25:04 Speaker 01 Put half these cameras in a bag and I'm out of here.
25:10 H. Foley? It's funny, when you were setting up that thing the other day to do the Patreon episode, I was like, I wonder what I can get for that.
25:17 Speaker 01 What was I setting up?
25:18 H. Foley? You were setting up one of those things.
25:20 Speaker 01 We were setting up a C-stand with the.
25:21 H. Foley? C-stand?
25:22 Speaker 01 I wonder what you can get for that. You own it.
25:24 H. Foley? That's what I'm saying. Cash. What's a C-stand?
25:30 Speaker 01 It's how you hang lights safely and everything.
25:33 H. Foley? You got sandbags and shit?
25:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, you can see them right down there.
25:37 Speaker 02 I thought you worked in, I thought you were a big movie guy.
25:39 H. Foley? Right in the camera.
25:41 Speaker 02 I thought you were a friend of the grips.
25:42 H. Foley? I'm a friend of the grips.
25:43 Speaker 02 Doesn't seem like it.
25:44 H. Foley? I am.
25:44 Speaker 02 Never landed a hand.
25:45 H. Foley? Listen, all due, all respect to the below the line people, what are you talking about, of course.
25:49 Speaker 02 Famous story of John Candy.
25:50 Speaker 01 You're more of a Dua Lipa kinda guy.
25:53 Speaker 02 Gator tails.
25:54 H. Foley? Anyway.
25:55 Speaker 01 Whale tail.
25:56 H. Foley? Instead of fucking, um, just asking her for help, she's gotta throw me under the bus. Henry did something to it.
26:03 Speaker 01 He probably did.
26:03 H. Foley? I didn't, she made it to fuck up, so you think she's this nice old lady?
26:07 Speaker 01 No, I know she's as crazy as, she's crazier than you and you're, you, you, you, you're surprising me with your crazy every day. And I know that's where you get it. I call your family the Bureau of Crazy. You get off the phone with them, you start, you know, you're dotting your i's and crossing your t's, a red yarn comes out, you guys, you're all nuts.
26:24 H. Foley? We're changing the name for tax purposes.
26:26 Speaker 01 What?
26:27 H. Foley? It's now the Institute of Crazy.
26:29 Speaker 01 The Church of Crazy.
26:30 H. Foley? Church of Crazy.
26:31 Speaker 01 Tax, or RDAF.
26:33 H. Foley? Yeah.
26:33 Speaker 01 Um, that's so funny, I was home last week or whatever and Denise moves, I'm helping her move and we get there.
26:42 H. Foley? Now, what do you, explain to me, when you say helping her move?
26:47 Speaker 01 I don't, I don't think you have a, I don't think you have a positive image in your head of it.
26:51 H. Foley? What are you exactly doing? You're getting the hoagies?
26:54 Speaker 01 Uh.
26:54 H. Foley? Cause I know when you're moving, you probably like a hoagie, break for lunch?
26:57 Speaker 01 I did a cheesesteak and as I was checking out online, they asked me if I wanted to add bacon.
27:02 H. Foley? Huh.
27:02 Speaker 01 How you don't, which I also do down at Owen's Pub on 17th Street North, why would, they add bacon, it's very good.
27:09 H. Foley? On a, on a, on a.
27:10 Speaker 01 Rest straight up cheese?
27:11 H. Foley? On a beef cheesesteak?
27:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:12 H. Foley? Or chicken cheesesteak?
27:13 Speaker 01 Beef.
27:14 H. Foley? Really?
27:15 Speaker 01 It's great, I only ever do it, I only have, I've only ever done it, uh, just last two weeks or whatever it was.
27:19 H. Foley? I don't know how I feel about that.
27:20 Speaker 01 It's good, give it a shot, give it a whirl, um, from one fat ass to another, um.
27:25 H. Foley? Cause there is nothing better when you're doing that shit. You're in a new house, lunchtime, somebody comes back from the deli with all this stuff.
27:33 Speaker 01 She don't have furniture yet. So, I'm not doing much. They helped her move, I was working and then I went down just to kind of like, maybe organize, just whatever, whatever she needed done. But like, I'm not moving furniture.
27:45 H. Foley? Give me an example, whatever she needed done.
27:47 Speaker 01 Well, the big pressing issue was, I can't find my Chromebook. She couldn't find her Chromebook.
27:52 H. Foley? Ah, so that's.
27:53 Speaker 01 And you would've thought it was the Declaration of Independence. I don't, I.
27:57 H. Foley? What's a Chromebook, like a laptop?
28:00 Speaker 01 Yes and no, you can't save anything to a Chromebook. Why? Right? I don't think you can, maybe.
28:06 Speaker 02 You can, but they're like-
28:07 Speaker 01 It's just an iPad. It's like a tablet? Yeah. But not Apple? No, it's a Google Chromebook. Oh my-
28:18 Speaker 01 I don't think you can save stuff to a Chromebook.
28:20 Speaker 02 I don't know, it's the cheapest laptop you can buy.
28:23 Speaker 01 It's not a laptop. I got a Yahoo Peaches. Yeah, it's something, it's, it's Real Ash Gees type shit. Oh, man. I don't think you can save stuff, there's no like where to put anything. You might be able to save a file, like from, like an attachment.
28:39 Speaker 02 Is this one, Chromebooks I've only known as they have like, it's an actual laptop.
28:43 Speaker 01 It is, but it's like, it feels like it's for a second, that's what they give to a second grader in art class.
28:49 Speaker 02 We had them at our school, at a very young age.
28:52 Speaker 01 It's like just to get on the internet.
28:53 Speaker 02 Yes.
28:54 Speaker 01 Wow. It's a Google Chromebook. I go, "What do you need me to do?" She goes, "Well, I can't find my Chromebook."
29:05 Speaker 01 All my stuff's on there, so I'm thinking it's like- Patty doesn't do any of that shit. I'm thinking, I'm thinking like the wheels, like all like this shit that fucking matters is on there and I don't know. So I find one, I go, "Yeah, I go, "Yeah, I got it." That's the wrong one. That's the wrong Chromebook.
29:25 Speaker 01 That's my old Chromebook. I go, "All right, well, let's, does it, I go, "Does it work?" She goes, "Yeah," I go, "All right, well, I'll at least get you up and running on-" 8,000 windows are open? Dude, you think it was like starting a weed whacker.
29:38 Speaker 01 Oh, two strokes. Sound like this thing smoked two packs a day, dude, this thing, this thing was humming. Got started, went, "What do you want?" Dude, that exhaust fan kicked on before I plugged it in. Does that have an exhaust fan? I don't think it's, dude, I remember I had this compact- When that thing said- I had this compact- Better come quick. It was back in the apartment that I lived in when I first moved up here with my boy, we smoked in there. Dude, and his computer, I took it somewhere, and the guy goes, "What do you, where do you work?" Me and my boys were in there just cranking, he's like-
30:12 H. Foley? We're at the Tula mine in Siberia.
30:14 Speaker 01 The fan was covered in tar. It was like, it was like the ceiling fan in a casino dude, this thing was jammed up.
30:24 H. Foley? Oh shit, Patty doesn't, first of all, my mom's computer looks like she stole from a US healthcare office in like 2003. It's got that red button in the center.
30:35 Speaker 01 Wait, on what?
30:36 H. Foley? Dude, it's old.
30:39 Speaker 01 It's got the track pad.
30:43 H. Foley? But she don't keep anything in there.
30:45 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
30:46 H. Foley? It's all in it, it's-
30:47 Speaker 01 Well, I found out-
30:48 H. Foley? I asked, I said, "What's the fucking wifi to get on?" She's like, "Hang on a second." She goes into the freezer and pulls out this notebook.
30:57 Speaker 01 Everybody knows where her password.
31:02 Speaker 01 Oh.
31:03 H. Foley? Yeah, and it's like, it's like X66, it's the one from the box. What the fuck did they do that for? Dickheads.
31:11 Speaker 01 Well, they fixed it. Um, so I get in, and I'm going, "All right," so I get online. "Right, that's the pa-" "Oh, I don't know." Everything's with this air of pa-" I go, "What, what's the wifi?" "Oh, I don't know."
31:24 H. Foley? It's all over. Taking the house.
31:27 Speaker 01 I go, "All right," yeah, she thinks, she thinks the bank's coming to fucking- So I'm like, "All right," so I get her on, I'm, now I'm connected and it's not, and she goes, I go, so I get her online a little bit. I go, "Well, what's on the old, what's on?" She goes, "Uh, my email and my banking." I go, "What do you, what do you mean your email?" She just logged into the browser. And she thinks her email's on the Chromebook. She thinks it lives on that Chromebook, and we gotta find that Chromebook, or she can never get into her mail.
31:58 H. Foley? She just logs in online?
32:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, she just go-
32:01 H. Foley? That's dangerous, she's gotta sign out every time.
32:03 Speaker 01 What do you mean? Yeah, she does. I mean, you can't stay logged in the bank.
32:08 H. Foley? It logs out for you?
32:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:09 H. Foley? All right. Navy Federal don't.
32:13 Speaker 01 Still analog baby.
32:14 H. Foley? That's what they call open water. Get caught out there.
32:18 Speaker 01 Yes, and then I finally found it. Oh my god, thank you. It was in a bag. Just that, you know.
32:23 H. Foley? Then you had lunch?
32:25 Speaker 01 No, had dinner. That was dinner time.
32:28 H. Foley? Oh, okay. So that was helping her move.
32:30 Speaker 01 I helped her move. I saved the fucking day. What are you talking about? That operation would be in the tubes if it didn't have a crane book. How you gonna fund the project? Can't get into banking.
32:40 H. Foley? You stink.
32:40 Speaker 01 Well, she didn't need anything.
32:43 Speaker 01 The bed broke.
32:44 H. Foley? You tipped the movers?
32:45 Speaker 01 That was all, that's all Danny, that's Danny stuff. He, I'm not down there.
32:50 H. Foley? I like that.
32:50 Speaker 01 So he, he ma, he loves, he manages all, he does all that stuff.
32:54 H. Foley? My brother runs point on Patty as well.
32:55 Speaker 01 The bed broke, he walked, he went over, he fixed the bed, he does this, he does that, you know. All the stuff.
33:02 H. Foley? Good to hear.
33:02 Speaker 01 And meanwhile, I FaceTimed my mom with the fucking, with the baby. I'm like, "Ah, hey, good mo-" you know, just like, you FaceTime, and she's there with like the electricians or something at the house. She's going,
33:18 Speaker 01 "I told them about your show. This is David." She shows me the electrician. It's just like a guy like my age. And he's like, "What's up, man?" I'm like, "Hey, David's a nice guy." He's like, "How you doing?"
33:31 H. Foley? I would fucking freak out.
33:32 Speaker 01 I'm like, and meanwhile, I got my baby. I'm like, "Look, mom." She's like, "This is David."
33:37 H. Foley? You do a podcast, huh?
33:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, I go, "What's-" yeah, he's like, "She said, I told them about, I told them about it last time, and then he said it. Since we were talking about it, it showed up in his algorithm or something." I go, "Oh, thanks, yeah, I appreciate you."
33:53 H. Foley? So now he thinks you work for the CIA and you're trying to kill him?
33:57 Speaker 01 Real 4chan guy. Uh, yeah. All right. All this is, I mean, so, we're hearing some family grievances here. A little bit of a hard feeling.
34:06 H. Foley? I didn't mean to be bitching about my 75-year-old mother, but, you know.
34:10 Speaker 01 Damn, she's 75?
34:12 H. Foley? Whatever, 73, something like that.
34:13 Speaker 01 Tight piece it is.
34:15 H. Foley? It was all right.
34:19 H. Foley? That's pretty good. I keep getting tempted to go see this band she keeps talking about.
34:25 H. Foley? Her friend Dee.
34:26 Speaker 01 Right.
34:26 H. Foley? Her boyfriend's band. If it's spring, they're gonna be, they're gonna be playing all over Chestnut Hill. I'm gonna go down there and check them out.
34:35 Speaker 01 They need a front man?
34:36 H. Foley? Brother says they fucking slap. That means they're good.
34:40 Speaker 01 Ah, yeah.
34:42 H. Foley? Play a lot of oldies and shit. Said the singer's got it. Maybe a little Are You Garbage, uh, records.
34:50 H. Foley? Muscle some DJs down in Philly.
34:53 Speaker 01 Sounds like it falls under H. Holy Enterprises.
34:55 H. Foley? I'll handle it. Luke, you in?
34:56 Speaker 01 Let's do it.
34:57 H. Foley? There you go.
34:59 Speaker 01 Luke's busy that weekend.
35:00 H. Foley? Take these cameras.
35:01 Speaker 01 I'm going to the DC stage you're talking about.
35:04 H. Foley? And shoot a music video.
35:06 Speaker 01 Alright, let's get into, oh, enough fucking around here. We gotta get into gosh darn, we got a family episode on our hands and, uh, get into some goddamn questions. As you know, when joining old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. This is very much kind of what we were just talking about. This is from Noodles, $10 homie here.
35:21 H. Foley? Talk to me.
35:22 Speaker 01 Uh, is it garbage to always wait for the display at the gas pump to say thank you because I'm paranoid the next guy's gonna get a bunch of free gas on my dime? Buddy, welcome to the show.
35:31 H. Foley? Always.
35:32 Speaker 01 Yes.
35:33 H. Foley? Always.
35:33 Speaker 01 Always gotta see that or insert card. I wait till thank you's not enough. I need insert card to begin transaction, select your, whatever it is. I ain't taking your word for it.
35:46 H. Foley? I love it. I'm worried about-
35:47 Speaker 01 I'm the same way at the ATM.
35:48 H. Foley? I'm worried about, oh, of course.
35:49 Speaker 01 I'll, I'll, I'll wait 15 seconds to make the guy behind me wait because I'm going, I'm making sure this clears out. I don't fucking trust you.
35:56 H. Foley? I throw my receipts out. Depending on what time of the month it is, I'm either embarrassed about what's in there or I don't want anybody seeing what I got. Kim, what's up about chime? Chime! As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
36:08 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, big man.
36:09 H. Foley? Things start adding up.
36:10 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
36:10 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking- Make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right. Watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."
36:25 Speaker 01 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.
36:37 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
36:38 Speaker 01 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that it. Oh, oh, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.
37:19 H. Foley? Do it.
37:20 Speaker 03 Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.
37:32 Speaker 01 Welcome to the 50th Hunger Games.
37:34 H. Foley? Witness the beginning of the revolution.
37:37 Speaker 01 Hey Mitch, you've been trying to take down these games from Star.
37:40 H. Foley? Filmed for IMAX.
37:41 Speaker 01 Make them remember you.
37:44 H. Foley? The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping, November 20th, rated PG-13. Remember, I remember one time, you and I were at an ATM together, and some guy had like...
37:54 Speaker 01 I remember.
37:54 H. Foley? It was like $700,000 in his checking account.
37:58 Speaker 01 Oh, I kinda do remember that. It was like 200-something grand.
38:00 H. Foley? It's nuts.
38:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:02 H. Foley? He was taking out a hundred.
38:04 Speaker 01 Per gram. Of marijuana.
38:08 H. Foley? Nah, it wasn't.
38:09 Speaker 01 Of high-end white marijuana.
38:11 H. Foley? Keep selling myself out. Nah, it wasn't.
38:13 Speaker 01 Nah, nah, nah. We're buying blow.
38:16 H. Foley? Uh.
38:17 Speaker 01 Uh-huh. Uh, yeah, I respect, that's perfect paranoia.
38:21 H. Foley? Yeah.
38:21 Speaker 01 Therapist might say that you're crazy. That's how they get you.
38:25 H. Foley? Fuck him, he's probably trying to steal your gas.
38:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's how they get you.
38:27 H. Foley? I'm worried about this move now, because when I go to the Wawa Weasel, when I go to Wawa, I fucking, you know, if I'm down at Patty's and I'm driving back here, I pull up to the pump, get it started, because down there in PA...
38:40 Speaker 01 They're a little different, this is, yeah, okay.
38:41 H. Foley? Down in PA, you still got the clip where you can leave it.
38:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, most places have that. I feel like they're just broken off, I feel.
38:48 H. Foley? No.
38:48 Speaker 01 Or is that a choice?
38:49 H. Foley? Yeah, in New York, it's illegal.
38:50 Speaker 01 Oh, New York.
38:51 H. Foley? Yeah, some, I, I, I don't know what... I don't know what the fuck to talk about.
38:55 Speaker 01 I feel like they're all just broken in New York.
38:56 H. Foley? Google that. I feel like some states you're not allowed to just let it running.
39:00 Speaker 01 That makes sense, but I always just thought it was a fucking busted...
39:03 H. Foley? What are you, henpecking over there? You had that Chromebook in high school, you should be able to fucking type away like a madman.
39:11 Speaker 02 New York State largely prohibits hold-open clips on self-service gas pumps due to decades-old fire safety regulations.
39:18 Speaker 01 There you go.
39:18 H. Foley? It's like bump stock.
39:19 Speaker 01 I never pump gas in New York, though.
39:21 H. Foley? Nah.
39:22 Speaker 01 There's three gas, there's fucking three gas stations in all of Manhattan. One I do live by, and if I'm real jammed up, I'll grab gas there.
39:29 H. Foley? You think I'm paying for fucking New York gas? You go down, oh, dude, Patty knows which Wawa's cheaper.
39:35 Speaker 01 I know.
39:36 H. Foley? Day to Wawa on Trooper Road's cheaper.
39:38 Speaker 01 We never bought, yeah, you don't get it in Newtown. That's Newtown, uh-uh. You get it in Hol- you get it in Tex- it used to be the Texaco.
39:45 H. Foley? What do you, what do you think you're saving?
39:49 Speaker 01 People like that, I, you know, it's not for me.
39:53 H. Foley? 286 over there at the fucking shit cow.
39:56 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
39:56 H. Foley? Remember those, um, what was it, with the, the, the gas places that popped up that were real Russian?
40:03 Speaker 01 I ever tell you the story that there was, this was on
40:07 H. Foley? Luke oil.
40:08 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
40:09 H. Foley? Those things came out of nowhere.
40:11 Speaker 01 One of the kids I grew up with, no, not a kid.
40:13 H. Foley? Soon as they took creamy.
40:17 Speaker 01 Rest in peace. A kid I grew up, not a kid I grew up with.
40:23 Speaker 01 In northeast Philadelphia, there was a large Russian contingency. And there was this really rich guy, I don't even kid, I don't even know what school he went to, might even been older, we were like, we were in high school, I've never, only saw the kid like once or twice. And his house was like, his dad wasn't allowed in the US. Like, OPEC type shit or something like that.
40:42 H. Foley? Take it.
40:42 Speaker 01 I don't know what it was, but it was like oligarch type shit.
40:46 H. Foley? Take it, seize your yacht.
40:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, we go, yeah, my grandmom's here, so we were just like partying at the house. We were, I didn't even go inside. It was just like, he showed us the garage, it was like a Bentley, a port, it was like a detached garage with an overhang wall. But, something with Luke oil, maybe, I don't know, I don't even talk about this publicly.
41:04 H. Foley? What?
41:05 Speaker 01 I don't know, dad's not allowed, I remember like, I'm like, where's your family?
41:08 H. Foley? Great, now I'm gonna get fucking poisoned.
41:09 Speaker 01 But there was a Luke oil on the corner of Bustleton and
41:15 Speaker 01 Byberry. And it was Russian guys, and then there was like, this like fresh off the boat Russian guy that didn't speak English, and he reprogrammed the pumps wrong. And instead of $2.17 a gallon, it was 21.7 cents a gallon. Dude, this guy, people found out and shut down this fucking, the cops had to come. Cause the lines were blocking traffic, people filling up. My boy Justin hit me up and was like, you gotta get down to Bustle, that Luke oil is giving away gas, dude. We were fucking driving around burning gas just to top back off. Fucking get it while you're going, baby.
41:52 H. Foley? Well, when those things popped up, I swear to God, gas at other places was like $4, and they were selling it for like a dollar 29.
41:58 Speaker 02 Probably half water.
42:00 Speaker 01 Mostly two strokes.
42:02 H. Foley? Mostly goat milk.
42:03 Speaker 01 Um, is Luke, Luke oil's Russian.
42:06 Speaker 02 Russian owned.
42:07 Speaker 01 That's so funny, cause a Russian buddy of mine owned the, uh, in the northeast somewhere owned the, the garage out of Luke oil. His dad owned the garages.
42:17 H. Foley? Yeah.
42:19 Speaker 01 I remember they used to drink this shit called Russian jewel. Oh, it was like painted. Fucking, he'd be playing beer pong.
42:27 H. Foley? It's good to have that on the clock.
42:28 Speaker 01 With Russian jewel. Oh. Dude, those Russian kids in high school played by a different set of rules. They really did.
42:35 H. Foley? Ain't fuckin' around.
42:37 Speaker 01 That, they were, that was the first like underworld I was introduced to where I'm like, oh, you guys are real tight knit. Everyone knows everybody and not everything's on the up and up, which I respect.
42:49 H. Foley? Don't hook up with anybody's sister. You be in.
42:52 Speaker 01 They would turn on each other too sometimes.
42:54 H. Foley? Cut your nose and ears off and shit like that.
42:55 Speaker 01 I know.
42:56 H. Foley? Be drinking you. Other thing that I worry about too now, these kids out there doing this shit, I pull up, I, I get it started. I go in a wild weasel and I get my fucking sizzling.
43:08 Speaker 01 I can't do that.
43:08 H. Foley? You're crazy.
43:09 Speaker 01 I get it.
43:10 H. Foley? That's a sta- that's standard practice over there seventy-three and two oh two. Everybody does that.
43:16 Speaker 01 I under- I understand and I, I think in Pennsylvania, it's a little different specifically with the Wawa's, cause there's a lot of pump and pumps and there's a lot of space.
43:23 H. Foley? It's a super Wawa.
43:23 Speaker 01 It's not like there's four pumps. There's like sixteen pumps.
43:26 H. Foley? Yeah.
43:27 Speaker 01 And, I mean, I think it's the same at Buc-E's is similar. Like you can park and leave.
43:32 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
43:33 Speaker 01 These people, I don't, I don't love doing it.
43:35 H. Foley? I mean, I'm in and out. I'm not in there. I'm not eating in there. Like I'm sitting in the fucking, at the, the picnic table out front.
43:42 Speaker 01 Uh-huh. It sounds like you have, if I'm being honest with you.
43:45 H. Foley? But I'm worried about people going over, taking my thing and bringing it around the other side.
43:49 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
43:50 H. Foley? People do that.
43:51 Speaker 01 No, they don't.
43:52 H. Foley? The fuck they don't. I've seen videos where the, where a guy gets out and he'll walk on the other side of his car and somebody will get in his car and drive away. Rip the pump out.
44:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:02 H. Foley? Yeah.
44:05 Speaker 01 They ever say they they got, uh, how they got, they got Vinny with the skinny's dad one time? He was selling a car, or was selling a motorcycle and the guy pulled up in a car and said, he said, "Yeah, just leave the car as collateral." Guy had a guy sleeping and laying down in the backseat with a set of keys. The guy on the motorcycle takes all the going for a test ride. Waits 10 minutes, hops up, takes the car, pieces out.
44:28 H. Foley? No shit? Was he standing there?
44:30 Speaker 01 I think he was like working or whatever. He's like, "Hey, leave the car and the keys and you can go to like, you can go test drive the bike." Guy had another set of keys.
44:39 H. Foley? That's pretty good.
44:40 Speaker 01 Hopped up, peeled out.
44:42 H. Foley? Huh.
44:43 Speaker 01 Got got, son. That makes me, that made me think I just-
44:46 H. Foley? But you lost a set of keys, so the joke's on you.
44:48 Speaker 01 I've had the, do you remember the valet key?
44:51 H. Foley? No.
44:51 Speaker 01 You don't, do you remember, you're way too young for that. Cars at some point had a valet key. And it was just, the, remember like, obviously cars had the key to start?
45:00 H. Foley? Yeah.
45:01 Speaker 01 And it was just that key. And you would like leave it, I don't know, in the car or something. And it would say that, my, cause we had a Dodge Intrepid. My stepmom had a purple Dodge Intrepid and on the key it said valet, like, instead of giving the valet, no, I don't, we, first of all, I didn't go to a valet until I was fucking 32 years old.
45:17 H. Foley? Hmm.
45:18 Speaker 01 But the idea was you were going to enough valeted events.
45:22 H. Foley? And you're intrepid?
45:24 Speaker 01 I'm just saying. Instead of giving them all your keys, you just give them that one key.
45:28 H. Foley? Are you sure that's not just that, that, it would open the doors and everything?
45:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, and start the car. It's called a valet key.
45:34 Speaker 02 It can't open the glove box or like the trunk of the car, though.
45:37 H. Foley? Get the fuck out of here.
45:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:40 H. Foley? That's where you keep your gun.
45:42 Speaker 01 That's where I, I keep my product. Mule and daddy-o. Yeah, that was crazy to me. I remember being like, what the f- I remember, yeah, my dad's like, "That's, when you go to valet, I go, "Let me know when a Wawa starts valeting."
45:54 H. Foley? Yeah, no shit.
45:55 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
45:56 H. Foley? Huh. I never think about that. I just fuck, here you go.
46:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:01 H. Foley? Steal it. But the gas station, not getting me like that. Banging out my credit card or fucking putting my gas in your car.
46:09 Speaker 01 Sure.
46:09 H. Foley? Next thing you know, you be eating my sizzly.
46:11 Speaker 01 You know what's a great technology that they should have everywhere? All Jersey is, they pump your gas. But you can pull up on any side and it's got the thing that says, "We reach both sides."
46:21 H. Foley? Yeah, that is pretty good.
46:22 Speaker 01 You don't need to pull up on your left side, it just says, "Hey, pull up any side, long stendo nozzles."
46:26 H. Foley? You ever do that?
46:27 Speaker 01 Fuck!
46:28 H. Foley? Fucking A.
46:29 Speaker 01 Look like an idiot.
46:30 H. Foley? But it's supposed to be a rule. It's supposed to be, American cars are on the left and communist cars are on the right.
46:38 Speaker 01 I don't know.
46:39 H. Foley? Something like that? I really got Luke working today. That Google Chromebook's really paying off.
46:45 Speaker 01 I can't think. I think all of mine have always been on the left.
46:48 H. Foley? Are you surfing the web right now?
46:50 Speaker 01 I am. Most American manufactured vehicles have gas tank filler on the left driver's side.
46:58 Speaker 01 This design allows drivers to pull up closer to the pump. However, there is no universal standard and many models, particularly imported vehicles.
47:06 H. Foley? Did you ever have a car that had it behind the license plate?
47:10 Speaker 01 No.
47:14 Speaker 01 Who, like Joe Pesci?
47:17 H. Foley? My cousin had one.
47:18 Speaker 01 I don't know.
47:19 H. Foley? I can't remember what cousin it was.
47:20 Speaker 01 I feel like those station wagons, those old big wagon ears had that kind of shit.
47:23 H. Foley? Yeah, it was, it might have been my cousin Ziggy's fucking...
47:28 Speaker 01 Cousin Ziggy?
47:30 H. Foley? Cousin Ziggy, Cousin Duck, Cousin Flo, Cousin Eddie Mugabe. Shout out to the boys.
47:35 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
47:35 H. Foley? Flaherty boys.
47:37 Speaker 01 When do they get out?
47:39 H. Foley? They're all out.
47:40 Speaker 01 Alright.
47:41 H. Foley? Fresh and clean. Cousin Duck just retired. Shout out to him.
47:45 Speaker 01 It's crazy your cousins are that old. Your cousins are my uncle's age. Cousin Duck.
47:51 H. Foley? You know Duck? You met him before. Fan of the program.
47:54 Speaker 01 I know, I've met a lot of your...
47:56 H. Foley? His brother worked at a Chevron on, I don't know what the road is, but it was by the Wyoming Valley Mall. That was the first time we were there hanging out. I don't know why. My mom like dropped us off for him to watch us for a little bit. Isn't that crazy? Mom dropping you off at a gas station to hang out for a little bit? Should have run some errands or something like that.
48:16 Speaker 01 And he worked there?
48:17 H. Foley? He worked there. Like this summer job.
48:19 Speaker 01 My mom would do, I was a parking lot rat, so my mom would just drop us off in park. Like, we skated, so it would be like, you know, drive, you know, Village Shires, down at Krausers, wherever.
48:29 H. Foley? That was the first time I saw a gas behind the fucking license plate.
48:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, nah, I never had that.
48:35 H. Foley? That's gotta be dangerous.
48:37 Speaker 01 I don't know.
48:39 H. Foley? Hit that?
48:40 Speaker 01 I mean, I think... I don't know. Um, alright, let's see here. This one's from Jeremy R. $10 homie never had one read. "How far are you allowed to bike to work before you're considered jammed up?" That's a great question. It's a great question.
48:57 Speaker 01 Cause some of it's exercise, some of it's environmentally conscious, some of it's just time wise as well. I would say, ooh, I don't know.
49:05 H. Foley? I think the road conditions really, really depend.
49:09 Speaker 01 The size of the road.
49:10 H. Foley? Yeah, are you on like a highway? Like, you know. Are you where bikes shouldn't be?
49:17 Speaker 01 That's a good one.
49:19 H. Foley? Cause sometimes you see dudes walking.
49:21 Speaker 01 Yeah. If there's a median, you're jammed up.
49:24 H. Foley? And they're in the burbs and they're walking like the next bus stop. You're like, god damn. Back in the day, we'd always give those guys a ride.
49:32 Speaker 01 That's wild.
49:33 H. Foley? Like, you going to Norristown? Yeah, we'd probably go to Norristown and get some weed or something. You want a ride? Yeah. Give a guy a ride, working at a Mickey D's or something like that. Whatever.
49:43 Speaker 01 There's a guy that worked a while, he walked from our neighborhood down and my mom, he would get mad if you asked him. And it'd be pouring rain. I think he was in my brother's, he was in my brother's grade.
49:52 H. Foley? Fuck you then!
49:54 Speaker 01 And there was something, you know, something a little, you know, off with him, but.
49:57 H. Foley? Sure.
49:58 Speaker 01 You know, always, "Hey, you need a ride?" "I'm okay!" And you're like, "Okay, buddy, it's fucking dark and raining."
50:04 H. Foley? I saw my dad.
50:05 Speaker 01 It's gonna be size, "No, you did last summer. You keep hanging out around here."
50:07 H. Foley? I saw my dad do that in a storm one time. Guy was pulled over to the side and like his, his thing was, his hood was up and he was like working on his thing. My dad fucking turned around, he's like, "You need a little help or something?" Should give the guy a jump. Got the guy out. I thought my dad was Batman. I'm like, I locked the door when he got out.
50:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, we never did shit like that.
50:24 H. Foley? I pulled away.
50:26 Speaker 01 Yeah. Every man for himself here. I'm gonna go to Duck's house.
50:30 H. Foley? Trying to get you.
50:31 Speaker 01 Crazy? No, I know. Uh, yeah, I mean, uh, I would say, if it's like a, if I had to put a time limit.
50:39 Speaker 01 One, conditions of the road for sure. Median, jammed up. If there's like broken, if there's a shoulder.
50:48 Speaker 01 I feel like that's worse too, cuz that means like you, you pull out like cars, it's ma- there's like a lot of gravel and some broken taillights on the, you shouldn't be there.
50:57 H. Foley? If there's one of those things that the tractor trailers go up, the dead man turn.
51:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, the dead man's buff, the emergency pull off.
51:03 H. Foley? I always wanted to fucking hit one of those.
51:05 Speaker 01 That, oh, I got a good rule. If you don't pass another biker, you shouldn't be biking.
51:09 H. Foley? Yeah.
51:10 Speaker 01 That's a good one. Or a guy walking or something.
51:12 H. Foley? Yeah. In the city, whatever, you know what I mean?
51:14 Speaker 01 Sure.
51:14 H. Foley? Do your thing. Yeah. It's always, it's always spotty in the burbs when you see that. Like, that guy shouldn't be riding that bike.
51:21 Speaker 01 There's also, yeah, there's also a thing too. I mean, a guy, uh, there's an age where a BMX bike you can't do either.
51:27 H. Foley? Dude, there's nothing scarier than an adult on a BMX bike.
51:30 Speaker 01 This guy's got nothing to lose, dude.
51:32 H. Foley? There is noth- don't.
51:33 Speaker 01 He's looking for a score.
51:34 H. Foley? Dude, do not fight with that guy. The taller he is, the worse it is. An adult on a BMX bike.
51:40 Speaker 01 They don't fit. The proportions are just wrong. They bend the one knee, they, and some, did you ever see him standing up?
51:46 H. Foley? Scary.
51:48 Speaker 01 Sit down.
51:48 H. Foley? What kid did you steal that from?
51:50 Speaker 01 Do a bar spin or something. Earn your keep right now. Let me know you're trying out for the X Games.
51:54 H. Foley? Fuck that. Never.
51:56 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah.
51:57 H. Foley? Great question, though.
51:58 Speaker 01 Yeah. Okay, let's see here. Um, this one's from Joey Bag of Donuts. $10 hoagie. Is it garbage to have this to run a scam for my high school football fundraiser? We would sell those discount cards for $10 for local businesses. Example, you buy a cup of coffee, you get a free donut at the local whatever.
52:14 H. Foley? Is that the book? Is that the coupon book?
52:17 Speaker 01 It was a book, and then I think they, I remember in high, I remember seeing one in high school. I think they switched to a card where like on the back it was like real fine print, like Dunkin' Donuts in here, like it, it was just, you had to show the card.
52:29 H. Foley? I never got the coupon book.
52:33 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I remem- I, we never, I don't think our school ever really did it or anything, like, it was never really prevalent in my life. I remember seeing one at some point or something, but it was never like,
52:42 H. Foley? It was thick.
52:43 Speaker 01 Nobody was doing it. Um.
52:47 Speaker 01 This, I would run, uh, instead of selling the cards, I would take donations of any amount of money. And if they did, and if you did more than $10, you got a card. Whoa.
53:00 H. Foley? Say it again?
53:01 Speaker 01 So he'd go, "Hey, it's a donation. We're doing a fundraiser. Can you donate? If you donate more than $10, you get a card."
53:08 H. Foley? Yeah.
53:08 Speaker 01 So people go, "Here's 50."
53:10 H. Foley? Yeah.
53:10 Speaker 01 Get the card. He only owes 10 for the card.
53:14 H. Foley? Ah.
53:15 Speaker 01 So he just made 40 bucks.
53:16 H. Foley? So he, so, ah.
53:18 Speaker 01 So you do that like four, five, six, seven, eight, nine times?
53:20 H. Foley? So he lied.
53:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:22 H. Foley? So everybody, everybody.
53:23 Speaker 01 Well, welcome to the fucking show, guys.
53:25 H. Foley? Stop slapping me around.
53:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:26 H. Foley? So, but everybody, that's a victimless crime. Everybody made out. He fulfilled his obligation to the, to the donation.
53:33 Speaker 01 He sure did.
53:33 H. Foley? Made a little grease on top.
53:34 Speaker 01 I don't hate it.
53:35 H. Foley? Huh.
53:36 Speaker 01 That's like when I would, when I worked at the golf course, I would take the tokens for the driving range and put them in my pocket. And then people would go, "Hey, can I get a bucket of balls?" And I'd go, "I got a token right here. Just give me 10 bucks." And I would take the 10 bucks. He would've had to go all the way up to the pro shop.
53:52 H. Foley? To buy tokens.
53:53 Speaker 01 To buy a token. And I go, "I got the tokens on me because I had the keys."
53:57 H. Foley? You would take tokens out of the machine?
53:59 Speaker 01 That was my job. I had to, and take them into the.
54:01 H. Foley? So you would grease?
54:02 Speaker 01 I would, I would, I'd pocket five tokens. And then I'd be down there cleaning the balls, picking the balls, whatever. I drove the cart, the cage cart. They would go, "Hey, where can I get?" You know, guys who were just guests or whatever, you know, first time there go, "Hey, how do I get a bucket of balls?" I go.
54:17 H. Foley? "Right this way."
54:18 Speaker 01 I go, "Tokens are up at the thing," or I go, "I got one on me. It's 10 bucks." He goes, "Yeah, here you go." Boom, 10, 10 right in my pocket. Never enters the economy.
54:25 H. Foley? Whoa.
54:26 Speaker 01 Do that.
54:28 H. Foley? Pretty.
54:28 Speaker 01 Plus, it was a, I was a cart attendant. It was a, it was a, it was a.
54:31 H. Foley? Figure the OD that for everybody fucking shooting at the cart.
54:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
54:34 H. Foley? Embarrassing yourself.
54:35 Speaker 01 I didn't mind. It's kind of fun.
54:36 H. Foley? You ever have any chicks from school be there with their boyfriends?
54:39 Speaker 01 No, it wasn't like a country club. I had to work with the owners. A daughter one time and she was like, that was her puni- that's like how funny, her punishment was like my dream job. Like that's just like-
54:52 H. Foley? She had a ride in the cart with you?
54:53 Speaker 01 Different side of the tracks we were.
54:55 H. Foley? Yeah, they call you fat ass every once in a while, but it's not too bad.
54:59 Speaker 01 I don't know, she went to a different school. I don't know where she went.
55:03 H. Foley? You're making this girl up.
55:04 Speaker 01 No, I swear no, nothing happened. But like, it was one of those like standalone girls, like no one knew her. No, and she went to like, she was older maybe, a little, a couple of years older, something like that, two years older. Cause he didn't, he wasn't from the town. Like he was from like 40 minutes away or something like that. And she was like, oh man, I had a thing for her.
55:28 H. Foley? Bet you did.
55:29 Speaker 01 I mean-
55:29 H. Foley? Token boy.
55:30 Speaker 01 How could you not? I'm sitting there crushed, dude. This place had the hot dog roller on point. I'd be crushing diesels, drinking uh, free, free cups of coke from the bar. Shout out to Christine, she kept them, them fizzy's coming, dog. Yeah, it was just so like, this was a job I had to have. I got my fucking 95 Chevy Lumina, I'm fucking working, I'm like working, I'm hustling, I'm stealing fucking tokens. I'm wiping down clubs, I'm fucking cleaning-
56:00 H. Foley? Getting the grease.
56:01 Speaker 01 I'm fucking, I'm hustling, I'm picking up shifts, showing up at golf course, show up at like 4:30 in the morning in the summer. Motherfuckers breaking your ball, 5:15 tee time and shit.
56:09 H. Foley? Those wet feet.
56:11 Speaker 01 Uh, and then she would like, her friends would come to work with her. Cause like she, like they were just like, oh, I think it was like Alyssa, she's like, oh Alyssa's at work, I'll just go hang out with her.
56:20 H. Foley? That's Kevin, he usually has a boner.
56:24 Speaker 01 I still do.
56:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was very much just like, it was like, my dad's making me do this, you know? She'd like crash a golf cart, I'd have to hide it, they blame me for it and shit like that.
56:35 H. Foley? That's Kevin, ew.
56:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, very much, very much that.
56:40 H. Foley? Having a job-
56:41 Speaker 01 Fucking hanging out in the, the barn cart, the cart barn.
56:45 H. Foley? Well, you get free soda.
56:46 Speaker 01 Oh dude.
56:47 H. Foley? Is such a mistake. You tell me it's free soda, man.
56:54 H. Foley? I'm drinking soda all day.
56:55 Speaker 01 I did, for all, for all summer.
56:58 H. Foley? Like, you could have water.
57:01 Speaker 01 No you couldn't.
57:02 H. Foley? I mean.
57:02 Speaker 01 Why would you do that?
57:03 H. Foley? At, at.
57:04 Speaker 01 Dude, listen to this.
57:05 H. Foley? When I worked at.
57:05 Speaker 01 16 ounce, clear, like solo cup, like plastic solo cups with the, no, without the ridges, like flat on the, the big, nice handle.
57:15 H. Foley? Yeah.
57:15 Speaker 01 Good ice. Christine would keep ya.
57:18 H. Foley? Top you off?
57:19 Speaker 01 Flush. She was a hoppy's ass dude. She's probably 30.
57:22 H. Foley? Man. But I worked, when I worked at 20 Manning in Philly, we had, we had a soda machine in the server station.
57:29 Speaker 01 Ah, that got me a Portofino on Walnut Street.
57:32 H. Foley? Dude, she had, she had Birch beer. I ain't never had, nobody had Birch beer. Dude, I'd just be, I was the only one that drank it.
57:39 Speaker 01 Uh huh. I remember, I remember, I was bus boy, I was a bus boy, cry, I'd go to the, I'd crushin' sodas at the bus, at the bus station, crushin' them, and dinner rolls.
57:48 H. Foley? You can't give guys like us free soda.
57:50 Speaker 01 Or rolls dude, especially at the rolls room, you're not a pizza dough, what are you, nuts? And dude, I'm, one guy went, "That's a lot of soda." One of the, one of the waiters went, "That's a lot of soda."
58:00 H. Foley? That shit, hey, is it, huh? You think so, huh? Let's take the professor here, fuckin'.
58:07 Speaker 01 That's Kevin, he drinks a lot of soda, he's got a boner. Ew. Ah.
58:13 H. Foley? Yeah, also again at 20 Manning, they used to get these, these little rye banger rolls from Metropolitan Bakery in Philly. They'd come in fresh, we'd put them in the fucking toaster oven, they'd get all hot, had butter back there.
58:27 Speaker 01 Butter? You're getting a boner now.
58:30 H. Foley? What are you doing to me?
58:31 Speaker 01 I know, it's, ah, man.
58:33 H. Foley? I was a little coke in your sugar packet.
58:35 Speaker 01 I was such a fucking idiot. I was just such a doofus.
58:39 H. Foley? Left to my own devices.
58:41 Speaker 01 Cargo shorts, just fucking, looking like a doofus.
58:45 H. Foley? So I never worked out with you and that girl, huh?
58:47 Speaker 01 Nah, I had a baby blue shirt on. Baby, we had to wear baby blue polos, and they, I had one.
58:52 H. Foley? Probably not good for your boy tense.
58:56 H. Foley? I would have to assume.
58:58 Speaker 01 Dude, it's so funny. We had so many of the same struggles.
59:01 H. Foley? Kevin nipples.
59:02 Speaker 01 Uh, one was, cuz one, it was always my problem. Whenever you got the uniform from the company, I was a bigger kid. And they go, ah, we don't have any extra larges.
59:15 H. Foley? So we're just wearing a black shirt for six weeks. Till you get fired.
59:20 Speaker 01 I know, yeah, yeah. And I, so I always, so they had one, I was supposed to get two extra larges or whatever. Like you get two shirts.
59:29 Speaker 01 They gave me one extra large. And then like they were supposed to get new one, but you know, I got an order coming in and never had a fucking order coming in. And then I, so after a couple of weeks, I'm like, guys, I'm fucking working all, I'm working till 9 a.m., 9 p.m. And I gotta be back in at fucking 6:00. Like I need, I need T's here. I'm by my, I gotta burn and turn his laundry. Got armor all over my fucking shirt. Not to mention these ketchup stains.
59:52 H. Foley? Yeah, we don't sell pizza sauce here, right?
59:57 Speaker 01 And, uh, so they gave me a large, so I'd jump, I'd switch between a large, which was so tight.
1:00:04 H. Foley? You're all wetting it down in the hose. Trying to get some stretch on it.
1:00:10 Speaker 01 I'm pulling it between two golf carts.
1:00:15 Speaker 01 That was another gig. People would leave clubs and I would maybe not return them to the lost and found. And then I'd fucking.
1:00:21 H. Foley? That's how you put a set together when you were a kid.
1:00:23 Speaker 01 Put, first I put my, one of my first sets, I got my first couple of wedges. And then I, you know, I gotta ping whatever. People were like, oh, what, 30 bucks?
1:00:32 H. Foley? You are a dirtball. Sell lady clubs?
1:00:38 H. Foley? This guy sell left-handed lady clubs?
1:00:42 Speaker 01 Alright, let's see here. But that's a great, oh, so, uh... Cover the cars with $10 into my pocket and so on. I once raised over $250 to cover the 25 cars. Any cash donations over that was admin fees if you catch my drift. I respect that.
1:00:56 H. Foley? With you, 100%.
1:00:57 Speaker 01 I respect that. Good for you.
1:00:59 H. Foley? Yeah, like it.
1:01:00 Speaker 01 Um, alright, let's see here. This is from, uh, Rian, uh, $10 investor. Were you a hot glue family?
1:01:08 H. Foley? No, never. Who the fuck had that?
1:01:11 Speaker 01 We, we did.
1:01:12 H. Foley? What? You had a hot glue gun?
1:01:14 Speaker 01 And I was...
1:01:14 H. Foley? Who were you, scientists?
1:01:15 Speaker 01 I was just talking to my mom about it. She would plug that thing in and there, there would be a warning that would, she would send the sirens that she was gonna plug it in in an hour. "Don't go near the kitchen!" Because you couldn't turn it off.
1:01:28 H. Foley? What the fuck was she making?
1:01:29 Speaker 01 It was like arts and crafts shit.
1:01:31 H. Foley? No, you got that stick. You got the glue stick. I love that glue stick. With the rainbow...
1:01:36 Speaker 01 I would've used deodorant. That shit stunk.
1:01:38 H. Foley? With the rainbow colors? Ah, I used to fucking...
1:01:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, he couldn't eat hot glue. You'd burn your mouth on a hot glue gun. I remember...
1:01:49 Speaker 01 My sis, dude, you would think...
1:01:52 Speaker 01 I don't know if they updated that technology. Is there an on/off switch? And it had like a little kickstand and you could, dude, the cord...
1:01:58 H. Foley? Oh yeah, glue guns. I've seen glue. They look like little Nerf guns. They're all plastic.
1:02:02 Speaker 01 Dude, and they're so light plastic that the cord tension would topple it over. And I burnt a kitchen counter once.
1:02:09 H. Foley? Oh, that tip got hot.
1:02:10 Speaker 01 You might've thought we were breaking out a ray gun, dude. This technology, we shooting down drones on the southern border.
1:02:17 H. Foley? Putting on glasses?
1:02:18 Speaker 01 Dude, this was every bucket. And then he unplugged it. It was hot for like three days. You couldn't put it away. It was like a curling iron.
1:02:24 H. Foley? You're like those guys in Oppenheimer in the fucking bunker.
1:02:27 Speaker 01 Fucking crazy. We're all hiding behind the kitchen table.
1:02:30 H. Foley? Faces all sunburnt.
1:02:31 Speaker 01 Dogs growling at it.
1:02:32 H. Foley? No, never. A hot glue gun. Are you crazy? It was Elmer's. We were a crazy glue family. And there was a lot of model glue floating around. And we, dude, from the way we handled that stuff, if that was nuclear or radioactive, we would've killed everybody in the neighborhood. We were so bad with handling that stuff. Our model glue would have a hole in that thing in two seconds. Bad.
1:02:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, we never, um, we were, we always had, we got one thing of crazy glue, probably every...
1:03:04 Speaker 01 Six years.
1:03:04 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
1:03:05 Speaker 01 And it was for like one pro- like one thing, I'll get the crazy glue. And then it would leak and...
1:03:12 H. Foley? Shit sucked.
1:03:13 Speaker 01 Dude, it would glob at the end.
1:03:15 H. Foley? Get on your fingers.
1:03:16 Speaker 01 That was fun though. Here, feel that tension. Rip it off. Yeah, nothing to do. Didn't have cable. And no HBO.
1:03:25 H. Foley? Um, my buddy's dad, my neighbor growing up, his dad had those RC airplanes.
1:03:33 H. Foley? It was like before drones.
1:03:34 Speaker 01 That was like, that was weird shit to me.
1:03:36 H. Foley? They were, they were like the size of, uh, turkey vultures. They were huge.
1:03:40 Speaker 01 I know.
1:03:40 H. Foley? And he, I don't know when he did them, but he had like a couple hanging up in the garage. I never saw him use them. But he had like a little, I think he might've been an engineer or something like that.
1:03:48 Speaker 01 Those guys always liked the wrong side of World War II.
1:03:51 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:52 Speaker 01 You know, they were a little too like, they knew a little bit too much about the blitzkrieg, if you catch my drift. Buddy, relax.
1:03:58 H. Foley? See a patcher too in his workshop, right? The fuck is that?
1:04:01 Speaker 01 My grandfather stole, okay.
1:04:04 H. Foley? Um, but he had a workstation in the basement, like a little, like a little creep box, and he had a fucking soldering iron.
1:04:12 Speaker 01 Oh, we had all that shit.
1:04:13 H. Foley? I saw that. I was like, what the fuck? Are you making fucking Zelinski? Whatever his name is. Kuklinski? No, who's the, who's the Unabomber?
1:04:22 Speaker 01 Ted Kuklinski, no?
1:04:24 H. Foley? No, Kuklinski's the Iceman.
1:04:25 Speaker 01 Right. Ted Kuzinski. About the Fields Medal, isn't it? Um, I told you, I have a vivid, my dad soldered a, we had to make an atom and he soldered a thing for me for school. And he, uh, he struck the...
1:04:43 Speaker 01 He's soldering with an acetylene torch in the, in the garage.
1:04:47 H. Foley? That's not a soldering iron.
1:04:48 Speaker 01 No, it's a fuck.
1:04:49 H. Foley? That's welding.
1:04:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, it's a, yeah, it's a torch, it's a torch to solder. A soldering iron just gets really hot. And then you do it that way, or you can use the torch, like plumbers use the torch, and they have a, they have a, a roll of solder. You like pull out and you fucking, you gotta do it by hand like that with the torch. And, uh...
1:05:07 H. Foley? Never.
1:05:07 Speaker 01 I used to fuck, I did a couple of fucking joints up. And my dad would go, "The difference between plumbers and fitters is plumbers wipe their joints." We were never told to wipe the joint. Okay, psychopath.
1:05:20 H. Foley? You're doing it with the water running?
1:05:22 Speaker 01 Scrapping everywhere.
1:05:24 Speaker 01 Did it help? Uh...
1:05:27 H. Foley? Get out of the truck.
1:05:28 Speaker 01 He's got this dude, he fucking strikes, because you have a striker, so he strikes the fucking, lights the torch.
1:05:33 H. Foley? I used to love those.
1:05:34 Speaker 01 And then fucking lights a heater in his mouth, and he's fucking soldering my atom project for like 4th grade, and I'm like, "This is a lot." There's dogs growling at him, and it's just a lot.
1:05:45 H. Foley? You're at the science fair ripping like heaters?
1:05:51 Speaker 01 Um, alright, let's see here. Um, this is from Farm Diesel, "Long time, soul sister in love with both of yous, how you doing?"
1:05:59 H. Foley? Really? Alright!
1:05:59 Speaker 01 "Is it garbage? It takes something out of a lost and found that isn't yours."
1:06:05 H. Foley? No!
1:06:06 Speaker 01 As someone who was stealing, found, the golf clubs, I think there's like, if you have an idea that it might be somebody's, like, I would wait, I would leave a golf, if somebody left a golf club, in a cart or whatever, I would take it, leave it in the cart barn, and if someone came back or called, and like, the pro shop would be like, "Hey Kevin, did you find a ping putter?" or whatever, whatever, I'd let it cool for a couple of days.
1:06:29 H. Foley? It's in my locker. Of course you let it cool.
1:06:31 Speaker 01 Let it cool for a couple of days. So if that's the case...
1:06:34 H. Foley? Then you fence it.
1:06:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:35 H. Foley? You're cool, then you fence. You don't go, you don't go moving hot merchandise.
1:06:40 Speaker 01 Bozo. Take it.
1:06:41 H. Foley? Yeah, that's how you get pinched.
1:06:42 Speaker 01 Get nicked.
1:06:43 H. Foley? Fucking lose your tokens.
1:06:44 Speaker 01 Uh...
1:06:45 H. Foley? You know those sunglasses that I wore in Route 66?
1:06:48 Speaker 01 No. What? I don't know why, I mean dude, you know how my brain works, do you think I would ever remember the sunglasses you wore?
1:06:57 H. Foley? The round sunglasses.
1:06:59 Speaker 01 Most sunglasses are round.
1:07:00 H. Foley? No they're not.
1:07:01 Speaker 02 Like John Lennon can say that.
1:07:03 Speaker 01 Yeah. What are you, who do you think you are, Elvis? Fucking Dumski?
1:07:11 Speaker 01 Uh, remember, uh, no.
1:07:14 Speaker 01 I remember you shit your pants. I remember that.
1:07:18 H. Foley? Anyway...
1:07:19 Speaker 01 You remember the sunglasses?
1:07:21 H. Foley? I liked those sunglasses.
1:07:23 Speaker 01 You think highly of yourself.
1:07:24 H. Foley? I found those in a lost and found. At a comedy club.
1:07:27 Speaker 01 It skeevs me a little bit to wear other people's stuff, especially my face and stuff like that.
1:07:33 H. Foley? I just don't like when the ears are chewed.
1:07:35 Speaker 01 Ugh.
1:07:37 H. Foley? Like, somebody left a pair of glasses here that I would, that I'd like, that I would get fr- I would get lenses put in, but the ears are all chewed. I wanna chew my ears. I don't wanna, I don't wanna chew on somebody else's glasses.
1:07:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, that'd be weird.
1:07:49 H. Foley? Gross. You know what I mean?
1:07:52 Speaker 01 Swap and spit.
1:07:53 H. Foley? Yeah. It's like sharing muscles.
1:07:56 Speaker 01 I respect, I respect, it's just not for me. And also, I'm not anymore around the lost and found type thing, but every lost and found was always, I, I equate to like our elementary, due to 90's elementary school lost and found was like poop stained, Russell sweatpants, a burnt and eroded t-shirt. It was just like the dirtiest, mustiest.
1:08:17 H. Foley? See, I like rooting through that shit.
1:08:18 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
1:08:19 H. Foley? Not the clothes, but like, like a little junk.
1:08:21 Speaker 01 The smell gives me like weird depressive nostalgia. Wasn't a great time in my life.
1:08:26 H. Foley? And cheap furniture.
1:08:28 Speaker 01 Dad left.
1:08:29 H. Foley? Striking out with the boss's daughter.
1:08:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't have, like, it makes me...
1:08:33 H. Foley? Sad.
1:08:34 Speaker 01 The smell makes, like, think of old people and old time and old things. I don't, I don't love it.
1:08:38 H. Foley? I get that around nursing home smells. When I smelled like soup like that, bugged me out. My grandmother was in a nursing home.
1:08:46 Speaker 01 Okay, let's pull out of it. Pull out of it.
1:08:48 H. Foley? Abort.
1:08:49 Speaker 01 Abort.
1:08:50 H. Foley? Trying to share. We actually had a sixth Super Bowl party there one time. No, we didn't.
1:08:55 Speaker 01 Go Colts.
1:08:56 H. Foley? What'd you say, go Colts in Baltimore?
1:08:59 Speaker 01 Uh, we gotta do this, then we gotta wrap her up there. This is from Michael. $10 homie never had one read. I recently went to a fancy steakhouse.
1:09:06 H. Foley? Oh, look at you.
1:09:07 Speaker 01 Fiance's family paid, no big deal.
1:09:09 H. Foley? Nice.
1:09:10 Speaker 01 Is it garbage that I put the garlic butter from the bread on top of my filet mignon? It was fantastic, but I got a few looks from the family.
1:09:19 Speaker 01 I don't know how close you are with this family and the difference in class. It seems like a lot, if you're going, I went to a fancy steakhouse and they paid, they seem to be, have a little bit more cash and a little bit more comfortable in these situations. And if they're giving the side eye,
1:09:33 Speaker 01 I would say it's probably not classy. I wouldn't fucking judge you. I'd go, ah, great. I'm okay with it.
1:09:39 H. Foley? Can I step in here?
1:09:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:09:43 H. Foley? Thank you.
1:09:45 H. Foley? Here's the thing. Culinarily, these days, oftentimes, the steak will be served with a tarragon butter, with a rosemary butter.
1:09:57 Speaker 01 We get that. You're going, I all understood.
1:10:00 H. Foley? Right?
1:10:01 Speaker 01 This, this butter's got breadcrumbs and sesame seeds in it, alright, tough guy? It didn't, if the chef didn't send it, come on.
1:10:10 H. Foley? You could've asked for a fresh one.
1:10:11 Speaker 01 There you go. Hey, can I have a side of that garlic butter? I'm alright with, I'm alright with doing it. I'm just saying, if you're doing it in a mixed company, you might get some stares. But fuck 'em.
1:10:20 H. Foley? Put it in my soda.
1:10:21 Speaker 01 Hahaha, top it off. Free sodas.
1:10:24 H. Foley? I got looks one time when, uh, we were at a steak place and, uh, you did, sometimes they'll give you like a little Brene sauce or something on the side. Well, it got down to, you know, pushing and shoving. Everybody was done, there's a little, little meat, little potatoes left or whatever. And I went in with that and just kinda finished it off with a scoop of mashed potatoes.
1:10:49 Speaker 01 I don't hate that. You gave me shit for taking a forkful of hummus.
1:10:53 H. Foley? That's different.
1:10:55 Speaker 01 Yours is sauce. Mine's at least a fucking appetizer.
1:10:58 H. Foley? Where'd you take a forkful of hummus?
1:10:59 Speaker 01 At the restaurant, at a restaurant.
1:11:01 H. Foley? I forgot about that. Now I'm pissed.
1:11:03 Speaker 01 Hahaha. Uh...
1:11:07 H. Foley? I just dived over to the table like, "Son of a bitch."
1:11:10 Speaker 01 You owe me half a fork of hummus. Um...
1:11:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, do you, but I think it's a comfort level thing. If you think they're gonna judge you and that's gonna make you feel weird, then don't do it. If you're okay with it, then fuck 'em. What happened, my thing is, what happens at your table with your people is your fucking business. Every, like, this is from a guy who's gotten judged for being a picky eater. It's like, why, what's the matter to you what I'm doing over here?
1:11:35 H. Foley? It's probably the old man.
1:11:35 Speaker 01 Is it a little uncouth, Jordan? Why the fuck you hanging out with me?
1:11:38 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:11:39 Speaker 01 Suck my dick.
1:11:40 H. Foley? Probably a little more thing of the guys like, this guy's going home to bang my daughter. Got crumbs on his steak.
1:11:45 Speaker 01 Sure, that's, well, yeah, okay.
1:11:47 H. Foley? Wrong turn?
1:11:48 Speaker 01 I don't know, I don't. I don't think dads are thinking that. Maybe they are.
1:11:52 H. Foley? I would be.
1:11:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, cuz you're a creep.
1:11:53 H. Foley? Fucking scumbag.
1:11:54 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:11:55 H. Foley? Fucking butter. Eating, using all my butter and taking my daughter home? Fucking lose it.
1:12:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I guess like ta- I mean, one, we never went to fancy places growing up and table manners weren't a l- a real.
1:12:09 H. Foley? Cars were a little bit, get your elbows out the.
1:12:10 Speaker 01 I mean that, but like.
1:12:12 H. Foley? What the fuck does that even mean?
1:12:13 Speaker 01 Denise isn't gonna judge me if I put butter, we're a big butter family.
1:12:16 H. Foley? Not with all those wines in her, huh?
1:12:19 Speaker 01 We gotta wrap it up, that's gonna fucking insult my mother.
1:12:21 H. Foley? Gang, we love you to death, grab tickets to the live shows.
1:12:24 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
1:12:25 H. Foley? Tampa, Austin. First one's up on the block.
1:12:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, Tampa sold out, we added a, added a fifth show in Tampa. Austin might be sold out by the time you get, I mean, tickets are moving, get your tickets.
1:12:37 H. Foley? Hey, we love you, we'll see you next week. Peace.
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