Pod Insights Wolf & Owl with Romesh Ranganathan and Tom Davis Ninja Turtles, Dirty Underwear and Spicy Sausage About this episode Will the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever be avenged? Why was Tom sobbing in Magaluf? Can we bring back phone calls? This week’s episode is an emotional rollercoaster so strap in and remember to be careful when ordering Nduja sausage. You may be left wondering if Tom’s wife now knows about the missing cat poster, who knows..but what you can help us with is how many pairs of pants should a man own? Let us know at [email protected] Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media.
Chapters:00:00 Intro01:02 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles04:30 Movies and music07:03 Emotional Tom08:47 Texting12:20 Bring back phone calls16:39 Missing cat28:45 Glasses29:54 Teeth grinding32:30 Dirty pants41:33 Stairs and escalators
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Welcome to the Wolfernow. We're in the studio now.
0:06 Speaker 01 It's beautiful being in the studio.
0:08 Speaker 00 It's really high tech, we hope you enjoy. We've got 3D models now.
0:14 Speaker 01 I like it.
0:15 Speaker 00 Wolfernow, we are the Wolfernow.
0:17 Speaker 01 And you've just made me laugh about something else, completely.
0:35 Speaker 00 Uh, this sign I've had to fix, that broke already. I turned up and John said, it's broken, we're trying to figure out a way of fixing it. And they fixed it now, that's glued together.
0:47 Speaker 01 It's a beautiful bit of kit.
0:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, it is.
0:50 Speaker 01 This was done by 3D print. What is the deal with 3D? You can print anything, right?
0:55 Speaker 00 Yeah. Well, you can't print living beings.
0:58 Speaker 01 No, but I saw someone the other day from 3D printing.
1:00 Speaker 00 You can print a heart?
1:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, he printed his whole ninja turtle outfit.
1:04 Speaker 00 Right.
1:05 Speaker 01 From head to toe, it looks sick. Guess which ninja turtle?
1:08 Speaker 00 Uh, describe the guy to me a little bit, how was he?
1:11 Speaker 01 Uh, so he was, I don't, I'm a miss to say this, but slightly overweight.
1:17 Speaker 00 Okay.
1:17 Speaker 01 Um.
1:19 Speaker 00 I'm certainly not remiss to say that.
1:21 Speaker 01 Balding, he was sort of hanging on to the sort of last embers. Of his hair.
1:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:27 Speaker 01 That's what I'm describing myself.
1:29 Speaker 00 Host of a podcast with a guy that started to resent him.
1:35 Speaker 01 Um, through it all, he's doing kicks and he's doing bits of martial arts.
1:39 Speaker 00 Okay, so he's into the actual.
1:40 Speaker 01 Unshaven, um, sort of looks like his bedroom walls are covered with posters, so just by the fact he's got movie posters.
1:48 Speaker 00 Okay, from that, I'm going to rule out Michelangelo.
1:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, well done.
1:52 Speaker 00 Um, probably not Donatello. I, it's either Leonardo or Raphael. I'm going to say if he's really into his martial arts.
2:04 Speaker 00 I'm gonna go Raphael.
2:05 Speaker 01 Wow, it is Raphael. Because you know why it wouldn't be Michelangelo? It's someone like that would never take themselves as being a goofy one.
2:13 Speaker 00 Dude. Michelangelo is like, for, if you're a proper Ninja Turtle fan.
2:19 Speaker 01 I like the boy, I'm obsessed with him.
2:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, Michelangelo is a red flag.
2:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:23 Speaker 00 People think you're an entry.
2:24 Speaker 01 He's the gimmick, right?
2:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:25 Speaker 01 He was the Murdoch.
2:26 Speaker 00 So if you go, oh, my favourite's Michelangelo, you go, you don't fucking like Ninja Turtles.
2:29 Speaker 01 He was the Murdoch, right?
2:30 Speaker 00 I guess so, yeah, yeah.
2:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, they literally built them around the eighteenth.
2:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, but in the cartoon, Leonardo was the leader, right?
2:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:38 Speaker 00 Is Leonardo the leader of the Ninja Turtles?
2:40 Speaker 01 I think, yeah, he's always that.
2:41 Speaker 00 I thought Raphael was in it.
2:42 Speaker 01 No, no, Raphael was always the hothead.
2:43 Speaker 00 Have you heard of The Last Ronin?
2:45 Speaker 01 No, what's that?
2:46 Speaker 00 Oh.
2:47 Speaker 01 What is that?
2:47 Speaker 00 You don't know about The Last Ronin?
2:48 Speaker 01 No.
2:48 Speaker 00 Oh my god, I'm about to blow your balls off, mate.
2:50 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
2:52 Speaker 00 Get yourself excited.
2:54 Speaker 01 I'm always on the verge.
2:55 Speaker 00 What I will take you, what I will tell you is they're making a film of this.
2:58 Speaker 01 Right, okay.
2:59 Speaker 00 Apparently that's rumored to be in the works. The last Ronin.
3:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:03 Speaker 00 Three of the Ninja Turtles have been killed.
3:05 Speaker 01 What?
3:06 Speaker 00 And the last one is trying to avenge their deaths. And that, the last Ronin is Michelangelo.
3:11 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
3:12 Speaker 00 It's really dark.
3:13 Speaker 01 So what, giving it like a sort of Logan vibe?
3:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, basically.
3:17 Speaker 01 Wow.
3:18 Speaker 00 Sounds sick, doesn't it?
3:19 Speaker 01 So, hold up, the other three aren't in it at all?
3:22 Speaker 00 Yes, they are. I've just explained the premise of the thing, they're dead.
3:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you've got to feel sorry for them that they're fucking film coming out. Because Michelangelo's got enough to carry that franchise on his shoulders. I know he's been the joke up till now.
3:33 Speaker 00 I don't think the pet shop owners are going around to the tanks going, look, guys, bit of bad news.
3:37 Speaker 01 That was, by the way, the sickest opening to a film. Do you remember when they all, the little turtles were in the ooze?
3:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:42 Speaker 01 In the original, I remember getting a pirate copy of that and Basic Instinct around the same time.
3:45 Speaker 00 On the half shell, they're the heroes for, in this day and age, you could ask for more. The crime wave is high with muggings mysterious and police and detectives are furious because they can't find the source of this lethally evil force. I don't know, man, I fucking, I listen to that soundtrack all the time.
4:01 Speaker 01 I loved it, but I don't remember it.
4:02 Speaker 00 T U R T L E power, T U R T L E power, T U R T L E power, he named Milton.
4:11 Speaker 01 Casey, the um, in the hockey mask.
4:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, Casey Jones.
4:14 Speaker 01 Yeah. In the, in the subway.
4:16 Speaker 00 Get April O'Neil in on this case.
4:18 Speaker 01 Something like that. Oh man, that was such.
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5:20 Speaker 01 It's a good movie.
5:21 Speaker 00 Have you seen, I think it might be from the second one, where one of them's got their mouth open and it's open so wide, you can see the guy puppeting it inside the mouth.
5:29 Speaker 01 No.
5:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:30 Speaker 01 This is what I love, you know so much trivia.
5:32 Speaker 00 It's like What Went Wrong, except.
5:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:34 Speaker 00 Less skill.
5:35 Speaker 01 By the way, What Went Wrong is, I have such a weird relationship with it. It's like, so I've just finished the um, Boys in Hood one.
5:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, me too, I listened to that.
5:43 Speaker 01 Very much enjoyed that one, by the way, very good. Then I started listening to the interview.
5:47 Speaker 00 The level of belief, by the way, that John Singleton had, the director of Boys in Hood.
5:50 Speaker 01 Incredible.
5:50 Speaker 00 Amazing, right?
5:51 Speaker 01 Amazing.
5:52 Speaker 00 I don't think I've ever had that, I don't even think I've had that level, the level of confidence he had to come straight out of university, make a film, is more confidence than I've had to like, finish a bowl of shreddies.
6:01 Speaker 01 Mate.
6:01 Speaker 00 It's insane. He's just absolutely.
6:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:06 Speaker 00 Dead set, this is gonna happen.
6:07 Speaker 01 Got offered like a hundred grand essentially and went, no, no, I'm directing this.
6:10 Speaker 00 What a guy.
6:11 Speaker 01 Like, so talented.
6:12 Speaker 00 So talented.
6:13 Speaker 01 That movie, by the way, one of the greatest ever. I remember seeing it and just being, did you ever, did you ever, there was a jungle song at some point, back in the day.
6:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, Ricky.
6:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:22 Speaker 00 Ricky.
6:24 Speaker 01 It's so, I remember being in Magaluf, BCMs.
6:27 Speaker 00 Hmm.
6:28 Speaker 01 And that came on. And I remember it was like a phone party.
6:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:31 Speaker 01 And I remember just standing, I was off my head on something. I was standing with my hands in the air, just sobbing because I started thinking about Ricky dying in Boys in the Hood.
6:39 Speaker 00 Christ, that was, do you know, God, that fucking got so sad so quickly, that story.
6:46 Speaker 01 No, could you tell the moment?
6:48 Speaker 00 I always.
6:48 Speaker 01 Ricky.
6:51 Speaker 00 The number of times he gets shot, by the way.
6:53 Speaker 01 I know, it's brutal. And like, I'm sorry, and I love Cuba, I love Cuba in that. But the fact that, you know, he doesn't go for a revenge shootout, which is one of my favourite bits of the whole film, that bit.
7:03 Speaker 00 Tom, Tom, please, I don't, I do not want, I, fuck me. Are you about to criticise Cuba getting his character?
7:10 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, not criticizing, but, no, I'm saying.
7:13 Speaker 00 Shooting in Boys in the Hood.
7:14 Speaker 01 I'm saying, I actually admire him for it, but actually for his character.
7:17 Speaker 00 Oh, I see, yeah.
7:18 Speaker 01 What an incredible thing that he did, but. That is one of the great, you know, because Ricky was such, Ricky was the best of us.
7:24 Speaker 00 Hmm.
7:25 Speaker 01 You know what I mean? He was an amazing athlete.
7:26 Speaker 00 Hmm.
7:27 Speaker 01 Compassionate, humble, kind.
7:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
7:30 Speaker 01 He was such a lovely boy.
7:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
7:31 Speaker 01 So when he's taken in that mood, I was.
7:33 Speaker 00 I didn't like the, I didn't like the way she treated Doughboy, though, that was.
7:36 Speaker 01 No, no, it was, yeah.
7:37 Speaker 00 And she clearly favoured Ricky.
7:38 Speaker 01 But when I was in, I just remember being in BCMs.
7:41 Speaker 00 What'd you hit me for?
7:42 Speaker 01 Yeah. I think there's a world where you could just remake all these films on your own. I'm starting.
7:48 Speaker 00 Yo, dough, why she hit you for? Shut up, man. Do you remember that bit?
7:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, I do. They don't know, they don't show, they just don't care what's going on in the hood. But, but I remember just being in BCMs. And just like, that moment kicking in, just sobbing.
8:04 Speaker 00 Have we got a sponsor, have we got a sponsorship that I don't know about for BCMs? You keep insisting on mentioning.
8:10 Speaker 01 Did you ever go there back in the day?
8:11 Speaker 00 No.
8:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was fucking great, but, you know.
8:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, terrific. We got, um, we got our room, like, drummed by these, we were all like, it was sort of, we were hungover on about a third day there.
8:22 Speaker 00 Hmm.
8:23 Speaker 01 And this, we'd had, it was really hot, there was no aircon.
8:25 Speaker 00 Right.
8:26 Speaker 01 And we'd left our door open.
8:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:28 Speaker 01 And these sort of like group of older lads.
8:30 Speaker 00 The front door of your room?
8:31 Speaker 01 Of our, um, hotel, like, apartment.
8:33 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:33 Speaker 01 Just to get some air in.
8:34 Speaker 00 And you were in there?
8:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, and these lads just come walking in and, uh, went, uh. Wouldn't have your head, leave your door open mate, anyone could walk in. And we were like, all right, and then they just robbed us of everything. It was fucking terrifying. It was like, yeah, I don't know, I've never thought about that. It's quite a weird thing to think of.
8:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay.
8:55 Speaker 01 Such a bleak thing to think.
8:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, it is actually.
8:57 Speaker 01 I've never, yeah.
8:58 Speaker 00 Sometimes on a podcast, they sort of push for somebody to start crying. But actually, what, what you'll find with Tom Davis is if you just stop talking for long enough, he will just make himself cry.
9:09 Speaker 01 Like a kid who pisses himself in class to get out of work.
9:17 Speaker 01 Uh, so do I have to probe him on that subject for him to cry? I just, if you go quite, don't ask him anything.
9:22 Speaker 00 Just, just leave it. Just, just Louis through him and he will eventually get himself into such a dark place that he starts.
9:28 Speaker 01 By the way, it won't be about anything that actually feels like it's an emotion. It will be.
9:32 Speaker 00 Weirdly, he started talking about the what went wrong podcast and managed to go from that into a state of being completely.
9:39 Speaker 01 We just saw him on another podcast, uh, having a complete breakdown about the death of Sonny Colion in Godfather One.
9:47 Speaker 00 How are you? Very good.
9:48 Speaker 01 I'm good, I'm good.
9:48 Speaker 00 It's really good to see you, man.
9:50 Speaker 01 It's good to see you.
9:50 Speaker 00 One of the downsides that we need to discuss about doing this podcast in studio.
9:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:55 Speaker 00 Is that when we used to do it on Zoom once a week.
9:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:59 Speaker 00 We would, we'd always speak to each other.
10:02 Speaker 01 We have a nice catch up.
10:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, we'd, we'd log on on a Sunday morning. I'd say to Lisa, just stop, I'm, not on a Sunday morning, just leave him. I'd come downstairs, I'd open my laptop.
10:13 Speaker 01 See him in the above.
10:14 Speaker 00 Yeah. I'd open my laptop and then we'd have a nice little catch up and then we'd get to talk. Now, we're actually in this weird situation where we're speaking to other, speaking to each other less.
10:22 Speaker 01 Yeah. Texting still, I'd.
10:24 Speaker 00 Texting we're still doing. I don't, I don't think that's a sub. I've actually, here, here's the thing for you.
10:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:30 Speaker 00 I've made a decision that I'm not gonna sort out any disagreement or misunderstanding by text.
10:34 Speaker 01 No, you should never do that, by the way.
10:35 Speaker 00 I used to do it all the time.
10:36 Speaker 01 Really?
10:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, you know, like, say, for example, if you were at a, I don't know, you go to a pub or something.
10:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:41 Speaker 00 And then you say something and you think, I mean, I do this all the time where I take a joke too, or I think I've taken a joke too far and I'm worried that. And then I'll, I'll text off as going, just so you know, I didn't mean it like that. I won't do that now. I'll, I'll either phone them.
10:53 Speaker 01 Do you know what, this, this should be it that everyone does. We, this could be like the sort of like the rebuilding of the telephone call.
11:00 Speaker 00 I think, I, I think one of the things that will for now, what I'd love to get a sponsorship one is just not by a particular network, but just phone calls in general.
11:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:09 Speaker 00 You know, all of the phone companies should get together and go, we are, I'm gonna say this down the barrel now, we are willing to bring phone calls back.
11:17 Speaker 01 Yep.
11:18 Speaker 00 I think they're great.
11:19 Speaker 01 You know, as well, we could take the old Bob Hoskins line.
11:21 Speaker 00 What's that?
11:21 Speaker 01 Like, we could do one where me and you're in a pub together, like an advert, and we have a sort of like, you say something to upset me.
11:26 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:27 Speaker 01 And then I'm sort of like really in sort of agonised, probably crying about it the next day.
11:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:32 Speaker 01 And we do what a version where you text me and it does, and I get more angry.
11:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:35 Speaker 01 And then you, we do it, and you know, and it, or you, then you turn around and go, hm, maybe I got it wrong. And then you do one where you phone me and you explain, we have a lovely conversation, and then at the end you sort of put down the phone and go.
11:48 Speaker 01 Phone calls, eh? It's good to talk.
11:50 Speaker 00 Okay, how about this? Let's do the initial pub conversation.
11:53 Speaker 01 Okay, cool.
11:54 Speaker 00 Right, then we'll do like a little silent.
11:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:56 Speaker 00 We'll do a little Buster Keaton-esque text conversation.
11:59 Speaker 01 Okay.
11:59 Speaker 00 And then I'll phone you.
12:00 Speaker 01 Cool. So my character is Darren Clark.
12:03 Speaker 00 Okay.
12:04 Speaker 01 Um, uh, I'm a labourer. I'm not necessarily happy in my job. Uh, I split up with my girlfriend three weeks ago.
12:10 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:10 Speaker 01 Not sure if she was cheating on me, but pretty sure she was.
12:13 Speaker 00 Okay.
12:13 Speaker 01 Uh.
12:14 Speaker 00 Are you gonna plumb all of this from your actual life?
12:17 Speaker 01 She, I've seen her, I saw her in the swimming pool with, uh, and another guy.
12:20 Speaker 00 Hold on, how old are we?
12:23 Speaker 00 Cause this feels like, so we're both in year ten?
12:25 Speaker 01 No, we're, we're our age, we're grown men.
12:27 Speaker 00 We're our age?
12:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:30 Speaker 00 Hold on, tell me that, your name's Darren Clark, you're a labourer, okay, so far so good. You go, you split up with your girlfriend three weeks ago, so you saw her down the swimming pool with who?
12:37 Speaker 01 Uh, some guy.
12:38 Speaker 00 And they were heavy petting?
12:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, for the kid.
12:40 Speaker 00 Just laughing and joking. And we're in our late forties.
12:44 Speaker 01 That's what makes it ever so more peculiar. Okay, um, who, who, who's your character?
12:49 Speaker 00 Okay, my name is, uh, Makesh.
12:52 Speaker 01 Okay.
12:53 Speaker 00 Tyler.
12:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
12:54 Speaker 00 Okay. What's my job? I, um, I'm trying to become a TikTok influencer.
12:59 Speaker 01 Oh, okay, cool.
13:00 Speaker 00 Okay.
13:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:00 Speaker 00 I do, I work, I work, I run a shop.
13:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:03 Speaker 00 But I've started doing like little.
13:05 Speaker 01 What sort of shop do you run?
13:06 Speaker 00 Just like a little, like a little Londis or whatever.
13:08 Speaker 01 Okay.
13:08 Speaker 00 But during that, I've started doing like kind of anti-comedy kind of boring tours of the shop. And they've started to take off and now I'm trying to make that my thing.
13:17 Speaker 01 Cool, yeah.
13:19 Speaker 00 Ah, Dan, how are you, uh?
13:23 Speaker 01 Fucking hell.
13:25 Speaker 00 What's wrong, man?
13:28 Speaker 01 I was getting so into character.
13:29 Speaker 00 Yeah. I don't think they allow smoking in the advert.
13:36 Speaker 01 Okay, sorry.
13:37 Speaker 00 Okay, go on.
13:43 Speaker 01 It's better.
13:43 Speaker 00 Oh, Darren, you've had a tough time, haven't you?
13:45 Speaker 01 Fucking awful time, mate, awful time. I'm in absolute pieces, mate.
13:49 Speaker 00 Yeah.
13:52 Speaker 00 What made you go down to the swimming pool, Darren?
13:55 Speaker 01 I put an Apple tag in her car. I've been following her around for the last six months.
14:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, I mean, that's a red flag, isn't it?
14:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know. She's been going all around the place, places that I'd never known she'd been to. She was full of red flags to me.
14:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
14:08 Speaker 01 So I just basically turned up at the swimming pool, thought she's learning to swim because she'd always dreamt of swimming with the dolphins.
14:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
14:16 Speaker 01 And I turned up there and she's just frolicking with this geyser. And I think he was a swim instructor.
14:20 Speaker 00 Yeah. Uh, look on the plus side, though. At least now she'll be handy when she does swim with those dolphins.
14:28 Speaker 01 What's that supposed to mean?
14:31 Speaker 00 I was just having, I was just having a joke because like, because he's a swim instructor.
14:34 Speaker 01 The world can't be sold by jokes. I'm out of here.
14:41 Speaker 00 Okay, cut to scene two.
14:46 Speaker 00 Oh god, I feel so.
14:51 Speaker 00 I feel so bad about what I did to Darren. Let me just text him.
14:56 Speaker 00 Dear Darren. I was trying to be sympathetic, but unfortunately I took a joke too far. Please, can you accept my apologies? I was only messing about. I only, I didn't mean it like that. Mikes. Send.
15:12 Speaker 01 Oh god, I'm so depressed and down. Nothing can cheer me up.
15:16 Speaker 00 What?
15:17 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:20 Speaker 01 Dear Mikes, you have to take accountability for the things you say. It wasn't funny. It really hurt my feelings. I'm going through the mill at the moment, mate. And nothing that you're doing is making me feel any better. I really need a friend right now.
15:37 Speaker 00 Oh, Darren's replied. Oh, oh, that's so sad. Do you know what? Maybe I'll give him a call.
15:52 Speaker 00 Fuck, answer it, mate.
15:56 Speaker 01 Hello, Mikes. Sorry, mate, I was just on the toilet.
15:58 Speaker 00 Hi Darren. Um, look, man, I've got your text back and uh. I just wanted to say it was really insensitive of me. And um, I'd love to take you out for another drink. I get it. I thought it was funny in the moment. I thought it'd be funny to like just try and cheat with a joke, but I realised it was ill timed. You're still upset about what went on with your girlfriend. I think it was horrible. And I'd love to make it up to you by, I don't know, taking you out for dinner or, or a drink or something.
16:22 Speaker 01 Wow. Do you know what? I thought you were just being silly and mean. But actually, feels to me just hearing your voice and how much empathy you have. That you're a decent guy and I'm sorry that I took it so badly. You're only trying to lighten the mood. Hmm. Funny, isn't it, when someone calls? Just hearing someone's voice makes everything okay. Guess what? It's why Bob Hoskins used to say, it's good to talk.
16:47 Speaker 00 See you soon, Darren.
16:49 Speaker 01 See you, Mikes.
16:51 Speaker 00 It's Mikes.
16:52 Speaker 01 Okay.
16:58 Speaker 01 That's nice.
16:58 Speaker 00 It was really nice.
16:59 Speaker 01 It's a nice advert.
17:00 Speaker 00 It was a really good advert.
17:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:01 Speaker 00 I think it was probably two scenes too long.
17:05 Speaker 00 You could, you could just do the phone call. Yeah, that's true.
17:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, you don't need any of that fluff.
17:11 Speaker 01 No, but it's actually quite nice as a character.
17:12 Speaker 00 It was nice to set him up as a character so you're a bit invested.
17:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. I mean, it could, you know, like the, the sort of Waitrose one that they've just had. The sort of following, which I will continue.
17:21 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
17:21 Speaker 01 That's following, that's like a two year one now. It's following on from an advert last year. So you could, you know, people are invested more and more in these things.
17:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're right.
17:30 Speaker 01 It's nice though, man.
17:31 Speaker 00 Do you remember the old Gold Blend ad? Was it Gold Blend?
17:33 Speaker 01 Oh man, they were great.
17:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's like a little, it's like a little drama, isn't it?
17:36 Speaker 01 That went on for like 10 years.
17:37 Speaker 00 Oh, really good.
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18:40 Speaker 00 So you've been okay then, apart from that?
18:42 Speaker 01 I've had, I've had a bit of a weird one this week. So Catherine and Grace had a couple of nights where they, they went and saw some friends. So I was in the house on my own with just me and the cat.
18:52 Speaker 00 Hmm.
18:52 Speaker 01 And I woke up the other morning, couldn't find the cat anywhere. Generally like fuck, it somehow got out of the house, cause it's a house cat.
18:59 Speaker 00 It's a house cat, yeah, it's a prisoner, isn't it?
19:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a, yeah, very much, yeah. That's way against its will. Um, been looking for a way out. Um. I started freaking out massively.
19:09 Speaker 00 What time did you discover that the cat was missing?
19:11 Speaker 01 This is like half eight, nine o'clock.
19:12 Speaker 00 Okay.
19:13 Speaker 01 Uh, I couldn't find it anywhere. I'm like literally racing around the house.
19:17 Speaker 00 And does he respond to his name?
19:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
19:19 Speaker 00 So he'll come running over?
19:21 Speaker 01 Uh, he, yeah, I mean, not like a dog, but like he's, yeah, he knows who he is.
19:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:25 Speaker 01 It's very sort of like independent, but if you go, and call his name, he'll come. I'm like.
19:30 Speaker 00 How far away does that work?
19:31 Speaker 01 Uh, I mean, I've yelled it, sort of, you know, when he's in another room, he's sort of gradually sort of like walked in and gone, what?
19:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay.
19:38 Speaker 01 Very much what energy?
19:40 Speaker 00 Hmm.
19:40 Speaker 01 Uh, I was quite nervous obviously about this. Um, so I wait, I start then looking outside around the house, can't find him anywhere. And I'm like, i- if he, if he got out somewhere, somehow, he could, he, he could have had like four hours, five hours.
19:54 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:54 Speaker 01 But fugitive that, that hours.
19:55 Speaker 00 He knows he could have.
19:56 Speaker 01 Also, he's a cat, cats, cats can, they're so quick away.
19:59 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:00 Speaker 01 You know, there's no, to be fair.
20:02 Speaker 00 How long's he been missing for now?
20:03 Speaker 01 At the point when I, so I then basically start putting up some posters.
20:08 Speaker 00 Bloody hell, you being serious right now?
20:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's right. I put up some posters. I'm panicked, mate, this cat is everything in the house.
20:13 Speaker 00 Have you told, have you told, well, you've got a wife and daughter, but have you, have you?
20:17 Speaker 01 Well, no, he's, he's.
20:18 Speaker 00 Everything to your.
20:19 Speaker 01 He's far up grace.
20:20 Speaker 00 Have you told them at that point?
20:21 Speaker 01 No.
20:22 Speaker 00 No.
20:22 Speaker 01 I'm like, if I tell Catherine, Catherine's gone away and the only job I've got, look after the cat.
20:26 Speaker 00 And you fuck.
20:27 Speaker 01 If I phone her, the morning, the morning, first morning, she's, I'll go, oh, the cat's, the cat's somehow got out of the house. In my head, I'm like going through like, I had a takeaway, by the way, she's like trying to be healthy one way.
20:38 Speaker 00 She's not gonna be surprised.
20:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, but I'm trying to be healthy in my eating. I'm trying not to have like more than one takeaway a week.
20:43 Speaker 00 Well done.
20:44 Speaker 01 Uh, I got a big delivery, delivery order.
20:46 Speaker 00 What'd you get?
20:47 Speaker 01 Pizza.
20:48 Speaker 00 Hmm.
20:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:48 Speaker 00 What kind of pizza?
20:49 Speaker 01 Uh, they do some amazing pizza near me.
20:51 Speaker 00 Did you do the one with the hot dog running through the crust?
20:53 Speaker 01 Oh my god, by the way, no, but uh, this local pizza to me does a very nice spicy pizza.
20:58 Speaker 00 Okay.
20:59 Speaker 01 Uh, with the Noguan or some sausage on it, what's it called? The Nogwani sausage?
21:04 Speaker 00 Nogwani?
21:05 Speaker 01 What's it called? Like that really fiery spicy.
21:06 Speaker 00 Induja?
21:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's it.
21:08 Speaker 00 Induja? Where'd you get Nogwani from?
21:09 Speaker 01 I don't know, I'm dyslexic.
21:10 Speaker 00 I should probably say that's some racist.
21:16 Speaker 01 I'm a little dyslexic.
21:18 Speaker 00 Okay, fine. But what I was saying to you, don't ever ask for that sausage.
21:22 Speaker 01 No, no, but I never name it. That's the phone. Whenever I ask for it on the phone, I just say, and the spicy sausage you do.
21:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay.
21:27 Speaker 01 And it's got hot honey on, blue cheese. It's delicious. Incredible pizza. Get that.
21:33 Speaker 00 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Nduja sausage?
21:37 Speaker 01 That, bit of blue cheese, hot honey.
21:39 Speaker 00 The blue cheese is bumping me.
21:40 Speaker 01 The blue cheese on pizza is delicious.
21:42 Speaker 00 I'm sure it is.
21:43 Speaker 01 And I sometimes say to him, throw a little bit.
21:44 Speaker 00 Oh, fuck.
21:45 Speaker 01 Induja.
21:46 Speaker 00 Induja, it's not Induja, sorry.
21:48 Speaker 01 Induja. And then I say.
21:49 Speaker 00 It's definitely, it's Nguano, whatever the fuck you called it.
21:52 Speaker 01 And I said, can I always have a little bit of sweet corn on any pizza I have as a texture?
21:56 Speaker 00 Just to remind you, you had pizza a bit a couple of days later.
21:58 Speaker 01 Yeah. So I had that, some garlic bread, bit of tiramisu, which is how I roll. And I thought maybe he got out then, when the door opened, I was chatting to the delivery guy.
22:09 Speaker 00 Yeah.
22:09 Speaker 01 I'm like, I wasn't looking down.
22:11 Speaker 00 How long were you chatting to the delivery guy for? Give me, like, what was the chat?
22:15 Speaker 01 How you doing, mate? Busy night? Can't wait to eat there, it's really excited.
22:19 Speaker 00 Oh, good. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Just but, just so you know.
22:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:23 Speaker 00 Just be careful about when you're ordering the pizza.
22:27 Speaker 01 Why is that?
22:28 Speaker 00 Well, apparently you called it Nguaya or something, Nguaya or something.
22:33 Speaker 01 Why are they discussing it? What else have they told you?
22:36 Speaker 00 They said that you order this pizza all the time.
22:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:39 Speaker 00 And you always, and they're getting slightly fed up with you saying that the blue cheese is a game changer.
22:45 Speaker 01 By the way, thank you for being so open.
22:47 Speaker 00 They won't do a set.
22:48 Speaker 01 You know, can I say something? What's your name?
22:51 Speaker 00 Mark.
22:52 Speaker 01 Mark. Can I just say, Mark, in the modern era, I've started to doubt the fact that people are open and honest with each other. I've started to become a little bit of a fuddy duddy. And actually, it's nice to meet someone who sort of cuts to the quip as quick as you do. So thank you, Mark, for being so honest. It's really made me.
23:07 Speaker 00 In the spirit of being honest, it's cuts to the quick.
23:13 Speaker 01 Well, it just makes me a lot more, you've restored my faith in human society.
23:17 Speaker 00 Enjoy your pizza.
23:18 Speaker 01 I will. Do you wanna come in for a slice?
23:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, how many people are rating? Cause you've also got tiramisu and garlic bread.
23:23 Speaker 01 It's just me, my wife and daughter away.
23:24 Speaker 00 Okay.
23:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, so, but thank you for coming by.
23:27 Speaker 00 Thank you.
23:28 Speaker 01 So, channel travels and mind the weather.
23:33 Speaker 00 I will do.
23:34 Speaker 01 See ya.
23:34 Speaker 00 See ya. Okay, so.
23:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a minute, minute and a half.
23:38 Speaker 00 A minute and a half. So you think, so you think the cat could have got out then?
23:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, but then did he sneak out then? Cause also like Catherine, you know Catherine was like, he's got, he's got his like little bed and stuff, but I was like.
23:48 Speaker 00 This is, by the way, I'm making jokes and doing role plays, this must be harrowing.
23:51 Speaker 01 Yes, it was like, this is like, I'm like, she's like, put him in his little, you know, his, his bed, make sure he's got all his bits. So I just laid some food down, I was like, it's just the two of us, lads in the house. Let him just roam the house tonight.
24:05 Speaker 01 And then obviously the next morning, I'm like, oh my god. So I'm like, what do you do in this situation? Obviously, I see posters up for lost animals. I hastily make a poster.
24:15 Speaker 00 Over what time frame? How quickly are you doing?
24:17 Speaker 01 Oh, this is by this time, it's eleven, twelve o'clock.
24:19 Speaker 00 Okay, at night?
24:21 Speaker 01 No, no, no, lunchtime.
24:22 Speaker 00 Okay.
24:22 Speaker 01 Cause I'm like, I've got to act quick.
24:24 Speaker 00 No, sure.
24:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's already, I don't know when he's gone missing. It was a night before. Worst bit of it all, having to go and check the roads.
24:30 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:31 Speaker 01 Um, make sure he's not on them.
24:33 Speaker 00 Jesus, horrible. Is this true story?
24:35 Speaker 01 No, no, I'm making it up. It's quite emotional.
24:37 Speaker 00 Okay, alright.
24:38 Speaker 01 Um, and then I, then I go around and I start round by the area. Putting up pictures and the posters. And obviously I've got to put my number on it. Um, because, you know, we haven't got a house phone, uh, which was sort of quite hypocritical after the advert we just did.
25:01 Speaker 01 And I can't, can't put Catherine's or Grace's.
25:05 Speaker 01 So I'm like, put my number on there. And I've put them up around our little sort of village.
25:09 Speaker 00 And what did you put? Tom Davis from King Gary or something?
25:12 Speaker 01 No, well, this is where the problem lies. I then get a call, cause someone's seen me put the picture up.
25:18 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
25:19 Speaker 01 And then I just know, has now got my number, making sure I'm alright, but they're really chatty, and now they've got my phone number. Right? Basically, fast forward, like to about four or five o'clock that afternoon, I'm like.
25:32 Speaker 00 What are you doing this whole time?
25:33 Speaker 01 Panicking, mate.
25:33 Speaker 00 Right.
25:34 Speaker 01 Catherine, I'm on the phone to Catherine, I'm sort of trying to.
25:36 Speaker 00 You told her?
25:36 Speaker 01 No, I'm playing it all down, cause I'm like.
25:38 Speaker 00 Oh my god, this is horrible.
25:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm like, hopefully, hopefully, and then. I he basic I hear him, he gets into the the loft area. I can hear, I can hear, I um, everything goes quiet for the first time, we're not panicking.
25:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
25:52 Speaker 01 I hear him in the loft, I can hear a little fake meow. I'm like, but my loft is like not, it's not got the stuff on it, uh, you know, like the.
26:02 Speaker 00 Insulation.
26:02 Speaker 01 No, no, it's got insulation, but not the floorboards and everything. So now I've got a climb up into the loft. I see somehow he's got up there.
26:08 Speaker 00 How did he get up there?
26:09 Speaker 01 Fuck no, I didn't, I didn't, how did you get up here, mate? It's a, it's a cat.
26:14 Speaker 00 Well, so, so, sorry, sorry, wh- wh- what I don't understand is, right? The cat got out.
26:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:18 Speaker 00 Right, and you're speculating on how it got out, because it might have been one of you doing the delivery. I then go, how do you think it got in the loft? And I'm a.
26:26 Speaker 01 I don't know it got in the loft.
26:27 Speaker 00 Right, okay, I'm not, I'm not saying what, did I say, I get that response if I say, how did he say he'd got up there? What I'm asking is, is there a fucking access point?
26:36 Speaker 01 There is, yeah, there is, yeah.
26:37 Speaker 00 Jesus Christ, what's up with you today?
26:40 Speaker 01 No, it's a very emotional story. So now I've got a balance, of course, and I'm not as nimble as I used to be.
26:46 Speaker 00 Right.
26:46 Speaker 01 Uh, and also, you know, like that, that insulation fiberglass stuff, if you get that on you, it's fucking painful.
26:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:52 Speaker 01 You're, you're out of the game.
26:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:53 Speaker 01 For a while. Um, so I'm crawling and sort of like, you know, and also I'm worried about me going through the ceiling.
26:59 Speaker 00 Hmm.
26:59 Speaker 01 You know, then Catherine getting back going, fucking hell, cause you, we're up in the loft, oh, yeah. Uh, I get Maui, uh, I can't, I grab him, I'm giving him the hug of all hugs. I'm so fucking relieved that I saved him.
27:11 Speaker 00 Max, I don't know.
27:12 Speaker 01 Lenny.
27:16 Speaker 01 I'm gonna go and put him under a bush somewhere.
27:20 Speaker 01 Hello, mate, we've just found your cat.
27:22 Speaker 00 Really? Oh, good, yeah, looks like someone squeezed him.
27:27 Speaker 00 We found what looks like a cat chutney under a bush.
27:31 Speaker 01 He stinks of Packer of Ban, um. I I and and I I then, holding him, I get back, you know, down the, you know, luff hatch.
27:42 Speaker 00 Yeah. Are you, how, what's your emotions?
27:45 Speaker 01 I mean, the the the actual, like, I've never felt the relief like it. I was like, gen- genuinely like, absolutely.
27:50 Speaker 00 Amazing.
27:51 Speaker 01 But then, like, what I I I've got him, I didn't speak to Catherine, everything's cool. I'm like, I'm literally watching him like a hawk. He sleeps in a room with me until they come, like, I'm like, right, you're sleeping in it, mate.
28:02 Speaker 00 You're not gonna take any second chances on that.
28:04 Speaker 01 Um, but the worst thing is, I put like thirty posters up around the area.
28:08 Speaker 00 Did you go and take them down?
28:09 Speaker 01 No. I've taken a few down, but I'm still getting calls of people seeing other cats. And having to do the whole thing of, like, so someone will phone and go, um.
28:18 Speaker 00 Why didn't you take the posters down?
28:19 Speaker 01 Because there's so many of them, I fucking got time in my day to go and run around taking them. I can't remember, I put them all as well. When you put posters up like that, you're not going, all right, um, I put one on Hawthorne Road.
28:27 Speaker 00 I imagine some, I imagine some people are.
28:29 Speaker 01 Really?
28:30 Speaker 00 Well, now you've permanently got a fucking missing cat poster.
28:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, but that that's why they're always up. Like, and also, do you know the worry, by the way, I've not really talked to Catherine about this. Um, I've seen her chatting about it on the podcast, but I know she doesn't listen. Um, of the the worry then, of her seeing one of the pictures, the posters that are up.
28:49 Speaker 00 So, hold on, up until you're declaring on the podcast, does she know that the cat went missing?
28:54 Speaker 01 No, well, she knows it got caught in the loft, she doesn't know about the posters.
28:57 Speaker 00 Fuck it.
29:00 Speaker 01 Weirdly, I've just thought that as I'm telling the story that I'm gonna have to tell her.
29:04 Speaker 00 But you've put posters up and you've not gone, got them down?
29:06 Speaker 01 I've got some of them and I've seen them, yeah, I've got the main ones.
29:09 Speaker 00 So what do you think, so what do you think?
29:10 Speaker 01 What I mean is if she goes off into, because I've put them down road.
29:13 Speaker 00 She's allowed to freely roam where she wants, your wife, isn't she?
29:15 Speaker 01 Yeah. You know, but I, yeah, but she, I, the one that, for example.
29:19 Speaker 00 It's highly likely.
29:20 Speaker 01 I've taken the one down in the front of the bookshop.
29:23 Speaker 00 Right.
29:23 Speaker 01 Do you know what I mean? I've taken the one, the the ones at the train station.
29:26 Speaker 00 Okay.
29:26 Speaker 01 Do I've taken the main ones down, but I'm still getting phone calls because there's some that I've put down like little roads near us where I'm like, oh, he could have got over that back fence. And so there's still people go, hello, hello, um, it's Sue calling for Hawthorne, Hawthorne Road. I think I might have seen your cat in my back garden. I'm like, oh, don't worry about it, we've, we've, he's, he's back with us now.
29:44 Speaker 00 Take your poster down, you.
29:46 Speaker 01 Basically, that is the response.
29:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course it fucking is. Of course it fucking is.
29:51 Speaker 01 People are like so, they get so edgy, it's like, it's like, yeah. It's like a call for, it's like the boy called Wolf. I'm like saying to Maui, look what you've fucking done now, mate.
30:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's, that's been very stressful.
30:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:05 Speaker 01 And, and like, and weirdly now, I'm even more stressed out about that. I've not talked to Catherine. I mean, I'll talk to Catherine before this goes out.
30:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, I think you will have to.
30:12 Speaker 01 Cause yeah.
30:12 Speaker 00 Because other people will say.
30:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, your, your husband's a fucking idiot.
30:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:16 Speaker 01 Um.
30:17 Speaker 00 Well, good luck.
30:18 Speaker 01 Well, I mean, I'm just going to fill calls, aren't I? And just like.
30:22 Speaker 00 I mean, how, how often is your phone going off?
30:24 Speaker 01 No, I've only had like three people call.
30:26 Speaker 00 Okay, so.
30:26 Speaker 01 And actually, to be fair, there's two that are really angry. Another one was like, oh, that's a relief. You must be over the moon. And then I ended up having a bit of a conversation with them. And obviously the person who saw me, put it, um, put the picture up, now has my number and has texted him up with a cat a couple of times.
30:41 Speaker 00 Okay, that's quite.
30:42 Speaker 01 That's quite sweet, actually.
30:43 Speaker 00 It's coming from a good place.
30:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
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31:46 Speaker 00 When you get new glasses.
31:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:48 Speaker 00 This is pissing me off now.
31:49 Speaker 01 Go on.
31:50 Speaker 00 I've not worn these very often, but they keep going, ending up like this.
31:53 Speaker 01 You're part of my, you look quite sexy when you've got your hair. Do you know what I've, I've noticed? My face is so sort of sweaty. It's my glasses. I was like, they just constantly got like a smear of sweat and grease on them.
32:03 Speaker 00 Hmm.
32:03 Speaker 01 So, and also, by the way, eyesight wise, my eyes are so bad now.
32:07 Speaker 00 How do you mean?
32:08 Speaker 01 Like my eyesight.
32:09 Speaker 00 I don't know why I said that.
32:10 Speaker 01 I'm, this is awful and this is again, ick wise, like why I don't know if I can. I was cooking the other day, um, uh, and I was, I had to get my glasses like that. And I was reading the cooking instructions of what I was cooking.
32:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
32:23 Speaker 01 Cause I couldn't.
32:25 Speaker 00 Catherine didn't say that.
32:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, long and short. I was like that going, uh, is it my short?
32:29 Speaker 00 That looks horrible.
32:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:30 Speaker 00 It does look horrible. I'm really sorry.
32:32 Speaker 01 I'm like that.
32:33 Speaker 00 It's awful. That's horrible.
32:35 Speaker 01 How am I best gonna do these fish fingers? It's, it's, and then I had to do this one. Ah, she's better without the glasses on. It's, I'm genuinely worried that, yeah. I'm, I'm hitting an age now.
32:48 Speaker 00 Can I show you a nick? I've brought a nick with me.
32:51 Speaker 01 Oh my god, you can't in.
32:53 Speaker 00 So. I went to the dentist.
32:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:57 Speaker 00 And they said to me, there are signs that you're grinding your teeth at sleep.
33:00 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
33:05 Speaker 01 I know what's coming.
33:06 Speaker 00 So they have now given me something that I have to wear at night. I'm gonna put it in now. I want you to, I, I, I just want you to imagine.
33:15 Speaker 00 Every night Lisa's seeing this, right? Close your eyes.
33:22 Speaker 00 Open them.
33:29 Speaker 01 You're like a Simpsons character.
33:31 Speaker 00 I've got to have that in my mouth every night now.
33:33 Speaker 01 What, forever?
33:34 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:35 Speaker 01 What?
33:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:37 Speaker 01 You know, like sexually, there's no good time to put that in, pre or post-sex, is there?
33:43 Speaker 00 What am I supposed to do?
33:44 Speaker 01 You can't, you can't have sex with Lisa and then go, that was lovely, thanks darling. And then. And then put that in.
33:51 Speaker 00 And then going to, oh, you're up for a bit older on a sec. Let me just get the case out.
33:56 Speaker 01 Let me take.
33:57 Speaker 00 When this goes away, you're gonna fucking get it.
34:03 Speaker 01 Well, let me take out my D-grinder.
34:07 Speaker 01 Let me get the D grinder out.
34:09 Speaker 00 A little bit less of this grind and a bit more of that grind and it'll be now what I mean.
34:13 Speaker 01 Look at it. That feels that that shouldn't look like that.
34:16 Speaker 00 It's so big, isn't it?
34:18 Speaker 01 I genuinely was about to say it doesn't look that bad, but it like, it genuinely makes you, it makes you look like your upper lip like a Simpsons character, like seriously, yeah.
34:28 Speaker 00 I know, I've looked in the mirror.
34:30 Speaker 01 Isn't there like a thinner one you can get?
34:31 Speaker 00 No.
34:34 Speaker 00 I've got to wear this every night for the rest of my life.
34:36 Speaker 01 Cause. Cause you're grinding.
34:38 Speaker 00 I just fixed it up this morning. They were so blasé about it, going, you're gonna have to put this, I've got to put this in my mouth every night.
34:46 Speaker 01 Forever. I mean, you're probably getting, you won't have just that one.
34:49 Speaker 00 No, but still.
34:50 Speaker 01 Cause if you're grinding your teeth that much, that'll probably only last you a couple of months, but you grind right through it. Oh my god.
34:57 Speaker 00 What about if I close my mouth over, is that any of it?
35:01 Speaker 01 No, that's all, there's no getting away. And also, do you open, you open your mouth when you're sleeping, so I've seen, I've got pictures of you sleeping. Like in the back of a car and stuff, you sleep like that.
35:11 Speaker 00 No, I'll take it out.
35:13 Speaker 01 Christ, man, that's bad.
35:15 Speaker 00 Oh.
35:17 Speaker 00 Doesn't feel that good coming out.
35:18 Speaker 01 What are you, what are you wearing to bed with that?
35:21 Speaker 00 It's got to take a tooth, it feels like it's gonna take your teeth with it.
35:23 Speaker 01 Really? What are you wearing to bed with that?
35:25 Speaker 00 Um, I have boxers.
35:28 Speaker 01 Just pants, okay.
35:29 Speaker 00 Just pants, yeah. What do you wear to bed?
35:31 Speaker 01 Same, but.
35:31 Speaker 00 We've talked about this, haven't we?
35:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, I'm just thinking, just.
35:33 Speaker 00 Have you ever slept naked?
35:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, I had to the other week, so I had no clean pants.
35:37 Speaker 00 What the fuck are you talking about?
35:40 Speaker 00 What are you talking about?
35:41 Speaker 01 I had no clean pants.
35:42 Speaker 00 What are you talking about?
35:43 Speaker 01 I'd, we'd been away.
35:44 Speaker 00 Were you away?
35:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, we'd been away.
35:45 Speaker 00 So you're at home and you don't have any clean pants?
35:48 Speaker 01 We've been away.
35:49 Speaker 00 What the fuck are you talking about?
35:50 Speaker 01 No, we've been away, I'd taken all my pants with me, they'd all been soiled, so I had no.
35:54 Speaker 00 How long were you away for? Six months?
35:57 Speaker 01 How many pairs of pants do you have in, fucking?
35:59 Speaker 00 You're not, sorry, how long were you away for?
36:01 Speaker 01 We were away for a week.
36:02 Speaker 00 A week? How many pairs of pants have you got? What the fuck are you talking about?
36:06 Speaker 01 Ten pairs of pants, but I, we, three days.
36:09 Speaker 00 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
36:11 Speaker 01 Three days before.
36:11 Speaker 00 A man in your position should not be running out of clean underwear at home. This is fucking wild.
36:16 Speaker 01 No, you get three pairs, right, I'd had, that were basically in the wash when we went away, and took seven pairs with me. Excessive, you've got to have more than ten pairs of pants.
36:24 Speaker 00 I reckon I've got, I'm not saying, I'm not, I reckon I've got thirty pairs of pants.
36:27 Speaker 01 What? Are you fucking joking?
36:30 Speaker 00 No, and also sometimes I like to have a change in the middle of the day, just to freshen up.
36:35 Speaker 01 Do you change before you go to bed and put a new pair of knickers on?
36:38 Speaker 00 Sometimes.
36:39 Speaker 01 Really?
36:40 Speaker 00 Not all the time, but I have done that in the past.
36:41 Speaker 01 Oh, I'll wear a pair and yeah, I'll put them on in the morning and that's my sidekick up until.
36:48 Speaker 00 No, I get that. That's what I do most of the time.
36:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:50 Speaker 00 The idea of losing, of not having enough clean underwear, I'm sorry.
36:53 Speaker 01 No, no, I did say to Catherine, I'm going to have to look at this. But yeah, I didn't feel comfortable laying in bed naked. I'm not, I think you've got to have such an air about you to sleep. Duncan Ferguson is my go-to when I think about a man sleeping naked. And David Beckham probably does.
37:10 Speaker 00 Tom, I can't believe that you ran out of underwear. I'm still reeling from that. It's like finding out you're in the fucking Epstein files.
37:21 Speaker 01 No clean underwear on Epstein Island? Are you gonna get involved? Uh, I would, uh, per se.
37:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:29 Speaker 04 Well, there, but is there underwear on the aisle?
37:33 Speaker 01 Is there a Lululemon I can get some new knickers from?
37:37 Speaker 01 Um, yeah, it's, yeah, I, I, maybe I'll need to, I'll pick thirty pairs, seems insane.
37:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, actually, to be honest, it's a point, it's a bone of contention in our house.
37:45 Speaker 01 So you must have just a drawer just for pants?
37:47 Speaker 00 Mm-hmm.
37:49 Speaker 01 Do you have a drawer just for socks?
37:50 Speaker 00 Mm-hmm.
37:50 Speaker 01 What? My pants and socks are together.
37:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, mine used to be, but then I just, I just.
37:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's like a fucking fast-growing city. Your underwear drawer is essentially like Dubai.
38:01 Speaker 00 Well, Lisa's got a lot of underwear. I'm assuming Catherine doesn't have ten pairs of underwear like you do.
38:07 Speaker 01 She has a bit more. Oh, yeah, but, and most times, that, ten, ten pairs is a good cycle.
38:13 Speaker 00 I get it, I get it.
38:13 Speaker 01 And when one starts getting a bit threadbare, it goes and I get a new, I'm gonna get a new pair in, like a football team.
38:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, fine, but you're not, your underwear drawer is not a packed nightclub. It doesn't have to be one in, one out. Just have a bit of fucking luxury. You're doing pretty well.
38:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, but it seems excessive.
38:29 Speaker 00 Does it? You had to sleep naked the other night because you ran out of pants. So does it seem excessive?
38:35 Speaker 01 No, I mean, at that moment, I was.
38:36 Speaker 00 You ran out of pants. Sorry, I don't think you understand how mad this is. You ran out of pants at home.
38:41 Speaker 01 No, I'd just got back home, so essentially I was still on holiday.
38:44 Speaker 00 But you're at home and you've got, you know, if you have any fucking underwear.
38:46 Speaker 01 I was still in very much like in a holiday.
38:48 Speaker 00 You shouldn't run out of, by the way, don't, you shouldn't run out of underwear on holiday.
38:51 Speaker 01 No, I didn't on holiday. I had a.
38:52 Speaker 00 No, you just made it by the skin of your teeth.
38:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, precisely enough, bar any accidents.
38:57 Speaker 00 What a fucking horrible thing for Catherine to do at the end of a holiday, by the way.
39:05 Speaker 00 Tidied up, she's tidied up the house, I assume.
39:07 Speaker 01 No, I had a pair of shorts on and took them off as I got into bed.
39:10 Speaker 00 Oh brilliant, so you gave her a show?
39:13 Speaker 01 No, I went, got into bed, put the day vest on.
39:24 Speaker 01 You know when you get changed in the gym.
39:25 Speaker 00 Just seeing the knees go off in the day vest, hold on a second.
39:30 Speaker 00 So you're wearing pants when you got back?
39:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:32 Speaker 00 So then why did you not have pants when you went to bed?
39:35 Speaker 01 Well, it's an old friend of ours that we've talked about a lot on this podcast.
39:40 Speaker 00 What?
39:40 Speaker 01 Mickey drips.
39:42 Speaker 00 You had too many Mickey drips in the pants?
39:44 Speaker 01 Like, can I just explain something as a si- you would never have had this problem as a big man, right? Six foot seven, you get in a, the plane we're in, the toilet is exceptionally small.
39:54 Speaker 00 Right.
39:55 Speaker 01 So, just anyway, using a normal toilet in a plane, I've got to angle my body in a certain way to stand and have a piss, right? So I'm having to lean back, push forward, so essentially like, like that, that's, that's my willy coming out. I'm sort of like.
40:11 Speaker 00 Is this a scale?
40:12 Speaker 01 No, and my head's back like that.
40:14 Speaker 00 Right.
40:14 Speaker 01 And then, I, I obviously then put my, pulled my trousers up without giving a proper sort of due diligence to the sort of idea of Mickey drips. And then did that thing, oh for fuck's sake.
40:26 Speaker 00 So how bad was it?
40:28 Speaker 01 Well, bad enough I didn't want to sleep.
40:29 Speaker 00 Did you shake?
40:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'd shaken, but you can't really get a proper shaking in that.
40:33 Speaker 00 Don't ever do that, don't ever do that again in front of me.
40:38 Speaker 01 You can't get.
40:38 Speaker 00 That was fucking horrible.
40:49 Speaker 01 I love the fucking fact, Mark, you've brought a prop that might give Lisa the ick. I've managed.
40:58 Speaker 01 To outdo you three times by being far more disgusted anyhow um so yeah I was like I don't really wanna sleep in these now.
41:05 Speaker 00 Okay sure.
41:06 Speaker 01 So I had a shower and also I had a shower when I get in.
41:10 Speaker 00 Yeah, you can't if you have a shower when you get in.
41:12 Speaker 01 Putting back on a pair of dirty pants.
41:13 Speaker 00 I get that, I get that.
41:14 Speaker 01 And I'm like, and also I didn't at the point, can I just say, by the time I put the pants back in the dirty washing after that, I'm not then going into the dirty washing to get the pair of pants out that I've just worn.
41:24 Speaker 00 No, no, I understand that.
41:25 Speaker 01 So, yeah.
41:26 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:27 Speaker 01 There was a lot going on there.
41:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, um Mickey drips, you know, did you, were you not able to do the thing that we found out that you just sort of press under the?
41:35 Speaker 01 That's, that's so fucking, does it work? Number one, I'm not able to stand straight up.
41:40 Speaker 00 Okay.
41:41 Speaker 01 I'm at such an angle.
41:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, and then I've got worried.
41:44 Speaker 00 Did he contemplate getting a tissue to wipe his mouth?
41:49 Speaker 01 I just needed to get it done as quick as I can because you've got to think I'm leaning back like that. I haven't got time for surgical wipeage. And I actually thought it was, I was like, you know what, that feels like it's everything's that like most times, Mickey drips lull you into a sort of false sense of security.
42:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:04 Speaker 01 So you put your gun back in the holster thinking everything's fine.
42:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, and then you sit down in the plane.
42:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:08 Speaker 00 And then you feel like.
42:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, I literally felt disgusting.
42:11 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:12 Speaker 01 I felt, yeah, dirty.
42:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, no, I get that, I get that.
42:15 Speaker 01 And also then I'm like, do I smell of piss when people walk past?
42:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:19 Speaker 01 Yeah. Grace has got a habit at the moment of sort of like saying when I smell and sort of saying it quite loudly so people hear.
42:26 Speaker 00 Really?
42:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, she understands it really funny.
42:29 Speaker 00 Hmm.
42:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:32 Speaker 01 I mean, look, this feels like a very vulnerable episode. And I think for both of us, it feels very, I feel that's really very cathartic for me in a number of ways.
42:40 Speaker 00 Yeah, I, I do, I, I do think, and uh wolfalpod at gmail dot com.
42:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:47 Speaker 00 Because I want to know if which one of ours underwear policy is the most acceptable. Because I've got loads of pants, that sounded like such a, what terrible socks. But I'm addicted to buying underwear, I'm not addicted to buying.
43:01 Speaker 01 You like the Mel de Marcos of pants. By the way, are they all the same brand or do you vary it up?
43:05 Speaker 00 There's like bumps, so there'd be like, you know, there's like about six or seven of one brand and six, seven of another.
43:10 Speaker 01 Wow, fucking hell.
43:11 Speaker 00 But not like.
43:12 Speaker 01 Have you got like your nice pants you wear if you're going out with Lisa?
43:16 Speaker 01 What are your nicest pair of pants, your ritziest pair?
43:18 Speaker 00 Uh, well, actually, my favourite pairs are the s- are the sacks that we've talked about.
43:21 Speaker 01 Sacks are incredible. Lululemon do a great pant for a man.
43:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, I know you're a big Lululemon fan.
43:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, they feel nice. The long, the long leg ones.
43:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, get yourself, when do you get, when do you get yourself seven of those? You've doubled up.
43:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I'm like, if I'm, yeah, but if I'm honest with you, that's down to me.
43:36 Speaker 00 I'm gonna buy some, I'm gonna buy some pants.
43:38 Speaker 01 I should have washed, I should have washed more before I left.
43:40 Speaker 00 I'm gonna buy some pants as a little gift. I'm gonna bring them to you.
43:42 Speaker 01 Can I say by the way?
43:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, please do.
43:44 Speaker 01 You know, that happens once, right? The joke is on me. It happens twice, I'm a fucking idiot. There'll be never a time that I fall into this situation again.
43:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, alright.
43:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, I hope anyway. I can't promise that.
43:55 Speaker 00 You're taking sort of a well-known saying and doing some sort of shit fucking knockoff version of it, but thank you for that. Okay.
44:04 Speaker 01 Well, I would be interested to hear it.
44:05 Speaker 00 I tell you something, if I'm fooled once, bloody, that's, that is bloody, you know, that's out of order of, of, of you. Yeah, if you, if that happens again.
44:16 Speaker 01 What is the actual saying?
44:17 Speaker 00 Fucking hell. Uh, fool me once, shame on you.
44:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, fool me twice, shame on me. Yeah, yeah, there we go. That's what I was gonna say.
44:23 Speaker 00 There's, I can't remember the name of the standard, there's this Aussie standard, there's an amazing whole bit expanding that.
44:27 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
44:27 Speaker 00 It's so funny. Um, but what it isn't is whatever you said.
44:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
44:31 Speaker 00 Okay, Tom, could you please do us the honours of taking us out of this episode of The Wolf and Owl?
44:39 Speaker 01 Hold your stares, friend. Hold your stares. What do you mean? Running up them? Running down them? No. I'm talking about the kind of stares that comes from your eyes. Looking, watching. See, the other day, just the other day, I was coming up some escalators and I noticed someone staring at me. Save what are they looking at, I thought, save what? As I came to the top of the escalators, I checked my nose in my camera phone for bogeys. What could they have been looking at? For quite some time, it was playing on my mind. Why? Why me? Why had they cast their eyes towards me? And it made me think of the times that someone's caught my eye or something has.
45:21 Speaker 01 A man with a rucksack with a dog's head poking out of it, I don't know. A guy with a jumper that I like, or a woman with a beehive. Hmm, that's unusual. Where are we, nineteen sixty-two? Truth is, when we're looking, sometimes we're looking out of interest, but spare a thought for the person that we're looking at.
45:42 Speaker 01 You could spend the whole day wondering why. So hold those stairs, hold those stairs.
45:58 Speaker 00 Holy shit.
46:01 Speaker 00 Okay, um.
46:06 Speaker 00 Uh, I was about to say it lost momentum, but I don't think it ever found any. Uh, thank you so much. For listening and watching the Wolf and our podcast. We'll see you next time. Remember to like and subscribe.
46:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, like and subscribe. Uh, share with friends as well.
46:22 Speaker 00 Share with friends.
46:23 Speaker 01 Maybe watch in the office without earphones on. So everyone goes, oh, what's that? And then you can tell, yeah. Or on the train, listen to it on the train.
46:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, put it like, take you, disconnect your earphones, turn it up really loud and let the whole carriage enjoy.
46:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, or not enjoy, but either way, spread the word.
46:37 Speaker 00 Spread the word. See you next time, guys. Peace out.
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