Harry Styles, Chocolate Cake and the World Cup

What would Tom prefer to watch over the World Cup final? Why didn’t Romesh get Oasis tickets and what is Tom’s favourite One Direction song? All of this and more burning questions answered like how does Tom like his eggs and will Romesh ever eat an egg again??? Two guys, no preparation, this is the Wolf & Owl! Send your questions, pictures and videos to [email protected] for the chance to be featured in an upcoming episode and don’t forget to like and subscribe! A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters :00:00 Intro3:30 Analytics and CEOs7:01 Chocolate cake and eggs11:58 World Cup finals14:49 Oasis and Bruno Mars16:56 One Direction20:36 Theatre22:01 Bill Burr and roasting31:08 Brunch at Tom’s38:18 Flying high Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

  You've made a right mess. Don't use your right hand because you've got chocolate all over your right hand.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  What the fuck, man? What am I doing watching you eat a cake with? I'm watching a... You know, a football match.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  Obviously, this has been a bit of a strange opening to the episode because you were devouring a chocolate cake.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  It wasn't devouring, but I didn't realise it was...

• 0:55Speaker 01

  I didn't realise how quickly we were getting into the app.

• 0:57Speaker 00

  We came in the studio three times. We sort of like preemptively sort of came in and came out. And you came in with it.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Isn't how's my face? Have I got chocolate?

• 1:05Speaker 00

  Well, you look beautiful as always. You look... By the way, I've never seen you eating a cake before. Or with your hands. I think I've seen you eating dessert with a spoon. But sort of the way you seductively lick your fingers. It's great.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Welcome to the Wolf and Owl.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Where we... How would you describe the podcast? Have we ever described the podcast? Where we sit down and shoot the shit, chew the fat,

• 1:30Speaker 01

  and discuss various things.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  That just basically sounds like every podcast. Two guys, no preparation. This is the Wolf and Owl, my mate.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  We thought... It's so stupid because we thought this was like a thing. The gimmick of the podcast is that we don't have any prep.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  But actually, it turns out that every podcast has no prep.

• 1:49Speaker 00

  No, no, no. Can I say, by the way, I've done quite a few now. There is prep done on some of them.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  There were questions.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  And they are better, aren't they?

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Well, this would be significantly better if we came to...

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00Speaker 00

  By the way, can I say how much it's been like sort of other people have like made an effort to make the surroundings?

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  And it's like, not that we've upped our game, we're still coming in with the same trivial crap that we were spouting when we were just doing it on Zoom.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. A bit nervous about having eaten this cake so close to the app, actually.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  I'd I'm saying by the way, can I say everyone else is waiting for the everyone's there was an open thing said. Let's wait for afterwards for the cake to be eaten. I know, yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  No, but I had an individual vegan one.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I started eating that. I think they got them. Sorry, they got. Sorry, Tom. Just stop a second. They got the knives and the plates out. So obviously that is I thought they're gonna start cutting the cake and then they went, oh, should we do it afterwards?

• 2:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, because of sugar crashes. Yeah, I saw you do that little thing where you lick the top and.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  I didn't do that.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  You gave the raspberry a little lick.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  No, I didn't give the raspberry. I took the raspberry off.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, I thought you licked it and ate it.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:51Speaker 00

  I wasn't watching you like a hawk until you came in.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  It feels like you were. You've just done a fucking impression.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm a hawk, yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Cupcakes are quite difficult to eat, actually.

• 3:00Speaker 00

  Not if you eat like a horse.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  A horse eating an apple.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  I'm just saying that you had that vibe to you.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Okay, anyway, welcome to the podcast. Where a man and his favourite.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Talk about stuff.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  Who's doing that scenario?

• 3:26Speaker 01

  I I I think we do. I think we all do.

• 3:31Speaker 02

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• 3:59Speaker 01

  Please, could you remember to like and subscribe? We don't want casuals here. We do want casuals as well, but we want to turn those casuals into.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Regular.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Regular, yeah. It's a community. Subscription is a huge thing. It's the way all the numbers are being analysed and.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  Are you into analytics?

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Am I into analytics?

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Do you know the thing?

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Although I do think they're useful. Stephen Bartlett uses them a lot. Have you ever done a diary of a CEO?

• 4:24Speaker 00

  No.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  I guess you have to be some sort of CEO, don't you, of that level?

• 4:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course. I'm literally. You're not a CEO, are you?

• 4:31Speaker 01

  No, but I'm sort of I I I'm the CEO of sort of my area.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 4:38Speaker 00

  I'm Big Dick.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Well, now, what you've done is, I was doing a bit there, and now by fucking taking the piss out of me doing the bit, it makes it look I was serious. So, so that's a fucking.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  But that's what happens, I think, I think you get on Diary of a CEO and it's sort of, it can alter your mind because you feel, because it's called Diary of a CEO. By nature, you think everyone on there is going to be a CEO or something.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  I think that's how it started.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  And then it's sort of.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  He ran out of CEOs.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, now it's just like people that think bread is poisonous or whatever. But like, I, I, I, I think that.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Did you, by the way, like with him, is there a friendship there or is it like, did you do that?

• 5:18Speaker 01

  I've not, I didn't speak to him before or nor have I spoken to him afterwards.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Not even via DM. I've had no contact with him apart from that.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Via him or what?

• 5:27Speaker 01

  The only words uttered between myself and Stephen Bartlett as I arrived at the studio to sit down with him.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Right.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  For the duration of the podcast and afters. But in defence of Stephen Bartlett, because it was I'm going in two footed on him.

• 5:40Speaker 00

  Did he book you himself? Was it like, he texted you? So you got booked for a?

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:44Speaker 00

  Okay, an exterior.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  I, I wonder actually, on that, it wouldn't surprise me if they feed it into the Opta supercomputer to decide who, who they want on as guests, rather than actually decide on personal taste.

• 5:54Speaker 00

  It does feel like though, because there was a time when he was actually, I suppose, quite, like, he felt like he was the king of prep for a.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  He is the king of prep.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  For a podcast. He's like, he's like that end of the spectrum.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:06Speaker 00

  With like, I, I'm, it literally is no stone left uncovered. Did you find him, yeah?

• 6:11Speaker 01

  He was.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  You're both Arsenal fans as well.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  We, we didn't talk about that, but the thing I would say is, researched up to the eyeballs.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Asked me questions I've not been asked elsewhere.

• 6:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Really, a, and not only that, he'd prepped, I want to give credit where credit's due.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  He'd prepped in a way that allowed him to be nimble in the interview. So what I mean was, he responded directly to stuff I'd said. He, he wasn't just like, these are the questions. We've all been on those.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? Where they just literally, it doesn't matter what you say. He's going, and that's when I decided to stick my dick in her ear. And how did you get into comedy? You know, like, they're just, it's just plow on regardless of what he's like.

• 6:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've done, I've done quite a few of those.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  I quite enjoy those ones sometimes.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  I do too, because I can say whatever I want. There's going to be no repercussions.

• 7:01Speaker 00

  Do you wanna listen to this back? I don't think anyone will listen to this.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Well, one of the things we haven't talked about, I mean, I know we talk about what went wrong, but you know, podcasts in general.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  I know that, you know, we're not breaking the mould, we're not even approaching the mould. I don't think we've seen a mould.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  What we're using is a mould that has been used many times before.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, we, actually, it is mould, what we're doing.

• 7:26Speaker 00

  That horrible blue mould.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  You know, the one, it's spreading off now, but, but, this is a question I want to ask you about mould, sorry. Fucking hell, that chocolate cake has absolutely kicked in. I'm off my tits.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  You know, because there's no gluten, no meat in there.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Jesus, well, I would fucking hope not.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Why would there be meat in a cake?

• 7:45Speaker 00

  No, no, like butter and like animal shit. Like, so it's so much more sugar in there than.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  No, that's not true, but I do think it's more artificial.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Because you've got, you're replacing egg.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Egg has got a magical.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  Egg, by the way, is so fucking amazing.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  In what way?

• 8:00Speaker 00

  I feel so sorry for you that you don't get wrapped around egg anymore.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  I don't get wrapped around egg?

• 8:04Speaker 00

  I just love egg. I have like four eggs a day minimum.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, all right, Eddie Abbey. So, talk, talk me through your day of eggs.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  Uh, every morning I have eggs of some kind.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  How many in the morning?

• 8:17Speaker 00

  Anywhere between two and four.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  So I've scrambled, fried, poached, boiled.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 00

  One of.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  One of each?

• 8:25Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I'll lean into that.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:27Speaker 00

  And in the evening.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Okay, here's a question for you with regards to boiling eggs.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Because I sometimes have to boil eggs for the kids.

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Well, not for the kids, but you know, there's instances where you have to boil an egg, like in an emergency, somebody's got a wound.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  You need to seal it. Um, no, I'm just joking. So how do you, getting the shell off an egg?

• 8:44Speaker 00

  It's the easiest thing in the world.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Talk, talk to me.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  Well, number one, boil it, I think seven minutes is the optimum for a nice jammy egg.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, and what's the optimum?

• 8:55Speaker 00

  And then hit it straight into an ice bath.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Straight into, okay, now I've heard this.

• 8:59Speaker 00

  And it'll cool it down.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Oh, beautiful. And then that loosens the shell.

• 9:02Speaker 00

  And then, and then when you get it out, you need to just slowly.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Roll it.

• 9:05Speaker 00

  Roll it and that'll crack, yeah.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Go down the barrel of the cameras, do that.

• 9:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, you roll it slow, roll it slow. And then it should crack it and then you should be able to peel it nice and good.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Oh, wicked. That's good.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Or you just give it a little knock with a spoon, maybe.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Do you ever do soldiers?

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Eggie soldiers. I don't mind them. Egg wise, if I'm having boiled eggs, that is like I was doing the night before. Open, hole in.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, once you've opened them, I don't need to know the further steps. I get it.

• 9:33Speaker 00

  Literally, but I love nothing but a whole boiled egg in your mouth.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Would you ever buy an egg and spinach protein pot from a pratt?

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I just find that they're, I don't, yeah. I like, I like the way I do them.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Now, how do you do them? Oh, you've just said in detail. So much detail. Anyway, so.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're literally like it's your drunk.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  What else, what else?

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Cupcake.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Shut up, man. What else? Shut the fuck up.

• 9:56Speaker 00

  Scrambled eggs.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Shut up, man.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  Fuck off. You don't know, you don't know me. You don't know me.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Fucking eggs. You like eggs so much. Why are you fucking marry eggs?

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Lisa.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  You fucking.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Lisa.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  All right, go on, sorry. When else do you have an egg then? So two to four in the morning?

• 10:14Speaker 00

  If I have two in the morning, I'll have two at night.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Two at night?

• 10:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, any evening. I have four eggs minimum a day.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Four eggs minimum?

• 10:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Okay, that's good. I think that's quite healthy from what I've heard.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  I like, I like a egg. But also it's, you know, eggs, pancake, you go, eggs, eggs is.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  No, no, don't start, don't, don't.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Eggs is, eggs is such a beautiful thing to cook and cement with. Cement in a recipe.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Right, yeah.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  You can see a recipe.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  They're a binding agent, aren't they?

• 10:39Speaker 00

  They're just, you know, such an underrated part of our society.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Well, I don't think they're underrated. I don't think eggs are underrated.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  Could I say nothing better than slicing up an egg real fine, real sliced, right? And then putting it in like with a bit of tuna fish, stick it in, nice bit of salty butter.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Hmm. I imagine you're doing that in a public workplace mostly.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Sliced egg with tuna.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  Um.

• 11:01Speaker 01

  What an antisocial prick. What do you do? Put the sandwich together and then just cock your leg and let one go?

• 11:08Speaker 00

  I love to just slowly, yeah. It's all about the bread. Soft, soft bun, actually. It's fucking lovely with that.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  I am, I, uh.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Do you think you'll ever eat an egg again, or is that it for you?

• 11:17Speaker 01

  I think it's possible.

• 11:18Speaker 00

  Really?

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  I'd love to be there.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  Well, um.

• 11:22Speaker 00

  I'd love, that is something like, I, there's very few things that I, actually, you know what? I'd probably have that above watching a World Cup final.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  What, live at the stadium? You'd rather watch me eat an egg than be at the World Cup final?

• 11:36Speaker 00

  No, watching you eat an egg for the first time.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

• 11:40Speaker 00

  The feeling of, like, watching you have an egg for the first, like, scrambled.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  What do you think I'm gonna do?

• 11:45Speaker 00

  No, you've not had an egg, so when do you ask me?

• 11:47Speaker 01

  My head's not gonna fall off, I don't know, but like.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  It'll blow your mind, though.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  I don't think it's gonna blow my mind.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  The way I do scrambled eggs would absolutely knock you silly. You go, oh, fucking hell, that's good, oh, grandiose.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  What do you think I'm eating day to day? Just cardboard?

• 12:00Speaker 00

  No.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  Oh my god, the flavours, the seasoning, the texture. Is that what you think is gonna happen?

• 12:06Speaker 00

  I just think.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have like some emotional moment.

• 12:08Speaker 00

  I just think it would be lovely.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  I'm not fucking Tom Hanks on Castaway. I eat regularly decent flavoured food.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know, but eggs just give you something so special.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Right, yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 00

  You know?

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Well, how good would it be? You give, you give up tickets to the World Cup final and then I go, yeah, hmm, slightly better than I thought.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, that would be good.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 00

  But also, I think the World Cup final quite a lot of the time is really overrated.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is true. That's, I think that's fair.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  We get very penned up thinking it's gonna be this epic game.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  I think the, the.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Well, because everyone's so nervous.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, but also the, the last, the last one, I had so many friends who went out and it was like, FOMO, FOMO, like, proper, like, we, we can't not be there, mate, once in a lifetime. Once in a lifetime, must get into a final. I was like, well, it did happen like two years ago.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 00

  And they're like, we have to go, we have to go. And they all went and said it was the biggest waste of money they've ever, we lost.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  It wasn't, it was an okay game, but like, fucking accommodation was shit, the fucking transport was shit, whatever, like, None of them come back going, oh, yeah, we lost, but that was a great weekend. It's like, that was shit.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  No, I get it.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  So I do think it's a very overrated thing. Anything like that, we put too much.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Eggs underrated.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Eggs massively underrated.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Finals overrated.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  Because eggs is, eggs are there every day.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  What does that mean?

• 13:19Speaker 00

  Because they're they're every day, so it's easy just to brush under what the work they're doing. Like, if a World Cup final happened every day, that would become underrated. You go, oh, fucking hell, oh, Brazil won today, Uruguay won today. There's always a World Cup final every other day. The thing is.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  I don't I don't even know how to engage, how to even fucking begin to engage with this conversation.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  No, but it's true. The things, because we, there's very few things in mod- in the modern world, right? That we, that are held up as a, as a massive moment. Like, more and more stuff now, because they're like, oh, you know, we, we devour, like, the media or whatever so quickly, right? Content.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  So it's like very few things that are held as like a spectacle in the modern world, I think, anyway.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  And now, you know, that was the World Cup final being one of them.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Album releases aren't as good as they used to be.

• 14:03Speaker 00

  No way. And who listens to a whole album now?

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, I do, all the time. But I'm, what I'm saying is they're quite disposable now, whereas it used to be an event, you know, you'd go down to the record shop.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Cueing outside HMV.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  Go down to the record shop, scrape your pennies together.

• 14:18Speaker 00

  Sleeping bag outside.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  He says, the new Max Bygrave sing-along of all years come out.

• 14:24Speaker 00

  I can't wait to hear what Biggie's got to say in his latest album.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Apparently, he's really letting them have it.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  And then that would be the only, you could only afford.

• 14:35Speaker 00

  Oh, someone pissed in my sleeping bag.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  You only can afford one album a month, so it didn't matter what the quality of it was, you'd listen and listen and listen till you liked it.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  Oh, someone's eating all of my vegan sausage rolls. We threw them in a fucking bin, you mug.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  I'm trying to make a point about the music.

• 14:59Speaker 00

  Okay, sorry. I was just like the characters.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, but why am I always getting fucking bullied?

• 15:03Speaker 00

  No, the character.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  What character?

• 15:05Speaker 00

  You, it's just a character.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  The vegan sausage rolls, the voice.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  It was a guy sleeping outside.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  You've got no, you've got no memories going to a record shop, have you?

• 15:17Speaker 00

  Oasis.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, okay, sorry.

• 15:19Speaker 00

  I was banging to Oasis, mate.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Fucking edgelord.

• 15:21Speaker 00

  I love that shit.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  He loved all the underground stuff.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  I was, I got so angry at the Oasis, where people did, where I was watching people who could only know like.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  When, cause you went, you were at Nedworth, right?

• 15:35Speaker 00

  No, I went, yeah, back in the day I went quite a lot and, but when I was at Wembley this time round.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  And I could see people just singing Don't Look Back in Anger.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 15:42Speaker 00

  And sort of like, uh, you know, the more popular songs. And then when I was doing a little B-side and I'd really loudly sort of sing and I'd look down and see someone couldn't sing them, I'd be like, fuck.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that's cool when somebody's policing everyone's fun. Those always feel like the people that you'd wanna hang out with the most. They're at Oasis, a band they followed for years and years and years, they know all the songs. It should be a recipe for a great night, but instead what I'm gonna choose to do is really hunt around for a way to make myself annoyed. And I found it. I'm gonna be fucked off with people that are there that don't know the songs as well as I do.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  He doesn't even know Afterworld away, mate. How can he fucking call himself a fan? I'm gonna have to say something, a real fan's missed out today, cause he's fucking it.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  In fairness to you, that is why I didn't get tickets.

• 16:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, but I think that's a beautiful thing. I do think, that's what I'm talking about with FOMA and things.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Cause I like them, I think they're a great band, but do I deserve to be there for such a hot ticket? No.

• 16:37Speaker 00

  I think that's what I found about the football, like anything where it's just an event to be seen at.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Although I'm gonna go see Bruno Mars in the summer.

• 16:43Speaker 00

  You should go and see Bruno Mars.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  One of the greats.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, incredible.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  I forgot how good he was. I forgot, you don't realise.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  He's got a beautiful voice.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Every now and again he goes.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  Who's he collabing with on this?

• 16:54Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 16:54Speaker 00

  Who's, is it just him and someone else, or is it just him?

• 16:57Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 16:57Speaker 00

  Harry Styles is at the same time, right?

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 00

  What did you make of Harry Styles?

• 17:01Speaker 01

  What do I make of him? Great marathon runner.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  Really?

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Did a sub three.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  What's that mean?

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Less than three hours.

• 17:07Speaker 00

  What?

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  Fuck, okay.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, was it, was it three hours?

• 17:10Speaker 00

  He is fit.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Anyway, the point is.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  His body is incredible.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  I keep getting told by Martin T. Smooth, friend of the show.

• 17:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  That Harry Styles is an amazing artist, but I've not listened to any of his albums.

• 17:20Speaker 00

  I used to love one, I used to love One Direction.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 17:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like their songs.

• 17:24Speaker 01

  Uh, what's your favourite One Direction song?

• 17:26Speaker 00

  Um, oh mate, it's gone out of my head now you've asked me.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  I like, I like their first one.

• 17:31Speaker 00

  What's the one, um, ah.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  You don't know, that's what makes you beautiful. That was fucking bangs.

• 17:43Speaker 00

  There's one that, I like, I like sad songs.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  I know you do.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  That's what, I like to make, be, um.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Just imagine Kat walking in one day and you're sat in the living room on your own, listening to One Direction, just looking sorry for yourself, single tear running down the cheek.

• 17:58Speaker 00

  I think it's Moments, that's my favourite song of them.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  How's it go?

• 18:01Speaker 00

  I'm gonna play it for you now, because I'll ruin it.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  We won't be able to use any of this. You think we can get licensing for a fucking One Direction song on the podcast?

• 18:07Speaker 00

  I'll listen to it.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  We're barely allowed to play the fucking theme tune, you mad bastard.

• 18:13Speaker 02

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• 18:43Speaker 01

  Anyway, what we'll do is you play it and then I'll do a description of it afterwards.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Can I just say something? There are certain songs that make me feel quite sad. What I've realised now, you shouldn't ever watch somebody listening to a song like that, that means absolutely nothing. I hated that.

• 19:00Speaker 00

  What's wrong with that?

• 19:01Speaker 01

  I think the song's good and I really love you, but watching you have that moment with the song, I found disgusting.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's the thing, I have no, like, I can't hide how a song emotionally touches me.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 19:12Speaker 00

  It's beautiful, that song. It's such a, yeah, so actually, there's quite a lot of, um, a lot of their songs that really, yeah, I like One Direction.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're good, they're great, they're great. And by the way, if people think we don't have hot takes on this show.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Yeah? Some people think we've lost a bit of edge and we're not willing to say what counts, but there you go, we both think One Direction are quite good.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  Are you gonna go, did you watch the Simon Cowell? New video, uh.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  You're alright.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  The Simon Cowell Show that's just come out on Netflix about him putting together a new band.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  No, no, I've not watched that. Is that good?

• 19:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I quite enjoyed it. I think it's called, I think they're called Tenth of December or something.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:52Speaker 00

  I quite enjoyed it. It was.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  So, hold on, he's putting together a new band?

• 19:55Speaker 00

  He's got a new band.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  And the band are called Tenth of December?

• 19:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  How good are they?

• 19:59Speaker 00

  Uh, I don't think they're a wonder. I mean, look, it, it's a very, he's, he's going out on this is it. He's basically said, I mean, the drama of it is very high end and Simon is like, this is my last chance. This is my last chance.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Sorry, sorry. Can I just say, li- listen, I like Simon Cowell.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  In as much as you can like him, you know.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  I, I'm still not sure of him.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  Well, what I mean is, Simon, this, can we just stop with the fake jeopardy?

• 20:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  Right, this is your last chance. He's a fucking multimillionaire.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  Can I just say the fuck?

• 20:27Speaker 01

  Do you know what, Simon? Stop. Just stop. You've made more money than you can spend over like ten lifetime. Just end it.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Is that he's trying to give the kids a chance. The, the cringiest bit of this, he goes full Brent. He goes full like, he basically picks these three, the three bad boys. And he does this thing where he goes, um, I've got you together with me because I, I used to be a bit like you. I was a naughty boy at school. I was a bit, I lived on the edge. I was a bit of a rascal when I was young. I know what it is to be naughty. And it's just all a bit like trying to sort of be in with the cool kids. It's a bit, and then there's this sort of really pretty long haired boy in the group.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Why have you sat forward like that?

• 21:07Speaker 00

  No, I'm just moving.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  It's, it's almost like you've interested yourself with where this conversation is going.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Anyway, and then there's this, and then there's this really pretty long haired boy.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  He's just pretty long haired boy, yeah? He's very Brent.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  You see, I, I quite enjoyed it.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  But you watched it all? Well, how many episodes?

• 21:25Speaker 00

  I think it's eight, I think.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  You've watched all eight?

• 21:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Fucking hell, man. Yeah, okay.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was as well. I liked it.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Worth a spin though.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, I mean, yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Anyway, so that is.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  Well, how have you been?

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Oh, um.

• 21:42Speaker 00

  Pre Cupcake?

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, really good, thank you. Just still plodding away with the play.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  Is the play, is it everything you dreamed it would be and more?

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've really enjoyed it.

• 21:53Speaker 00

  Have you itched the West End bug, or do you think you'll become like a West End?

• 21:56Speaker 01

  I'm not going to become a West End. I think it's in between those two. So I'm not completely done with doing theatre. But I'm not now going to become a theatre guy. No, no, no.

• 22:06Speaker 00

  I can see.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  But I could see myself doing it in the future, but, you know.

• 22:09Speaker 00

  What sort of play would be?

• 22:10Speaker 01

  Not anytime soon.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  What would be the next play that you'd like to do? What sort of thing? Like more dramatic?

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think I'd like to do a dramatic thing, yeah.

• 22:16Speaker 00

  Like, uh, what's that one with the, um, all the salesmen, the famous one?

• 22:22Speaker 01

  All the salesmen?

• 22:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, Glenn Garrig and Ross.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Oh, that, yeah.

• 22:24Speaker 00

  You'd be sick in that.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Didn't Bill Burr just do that?

• 22:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, he did that, but you'd be really good. Actually, as a part of Bill Burr did, I can imagine you doing that.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  You reckon?

• 22:30Speaker 00

  Have you seen the film of it?

• 22:31Speaker 01

  I'd love to do it like a lot worse than Bill Burr.

• 22:35Speaker 00

  We're all doing a lot worse than Bill Burr.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  I watched, um, I watched Bill Burr and Ricky Gervais recently. Bill Burr really went in on Ricky Gervais.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Really?

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  Bill could go in on anyone, couldn't he?

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 00

  I saw him at Wimbledon and absolutely melted.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  That's why I get sort of nervous that if like, say for example, your dream came, not dream, that's not, that's an exaggeration, dream came true.

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Your fantasy came true.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Not fantasy, but like, Bill Burr invites you on this podcast.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  The big fear is that he then, you get in his sights and then he decides to take you down. It's over.

• 23:06Speaker 00

  I don't think he'd do, I don't think he'd.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  No, but I'm saying if he did.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  Of course, you're fucked. Yeah, but that is what, you know, that, yeah, you run the risk, all of us, of that happening.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Welcome to the Romesh Ranganathan podcast. I'm here with Tom Davis.

• 23:20Speaker 00

  Who?

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Tom, uh, has, uh, well, I've known Tom for a long time. He's obviously from the wall for now.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Uh, so Tom, what is it you've, uh, you've come to talk to us about? So you've got a number of projects on.

• 23:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, my new tour, uh, Spud Gun, uh, really excited.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  So I guess the question like. I'm sort of, obviously Tom, I'm trying to ask questions that, that fans of the show want answered.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  Yes, exactly, yeah.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  You're a comic actor.

• 23:44Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Why do you think you could just suddenly wander into stand up and start doing a tour? It's your second tour. It just feels a bit, I mean, there's an, I'm a, I'm a stand up. And like, just to see you kind of decide, you know, you've been in films and stuff like that, and that was cool. And then you've just decided, oh, I'm gonna do stand up now. When there's a big argument that you haven't really done the hard yards to be a stand.

• 24:06Speaker 00

  Sorry, um, wrong.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  I'm glad you started with an apology, but go on.

• 24:09Speaker 00

  No, I, I actually did do stand up before I became a actor.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  But you didn't really, you know what I mean? Like you're, what you're doing, you're one of these guys that thinks they can just fucking have a go at everything, aren't you?

• 24:19Speaker 00

  Uh, I think that's sort of pretty hypocritical, actually.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  How do you mean?

• 24:23Speaker 00

  Well, you do everything.

• 24:28Speaker 00

  I think it's fair to say there's no stone left unturned when it comes to things that you've tried.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I mean, okay, let's get into it.

• 24:34Speaker 00

  You've done a rap album.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:35Speaker 00

  Radio show.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 00

  Quizzes, acting.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 00

  Theatre.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  Movies, animation.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 00

  Uh, car shows.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, you're right. And I do.

• 24:45Speaker 00

  Podcasts.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I take that on board.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  Tattoos.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  What do you, I'm not done tattoos. What does that mean?

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Oh, you, I saw you do a tattoo thing the other day. I thought it was really cool.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had a tattoo done on me.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. So what does that mean?

• 24:55Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Anyway, why do you think you could do stand up?

• 25:04Speaker 00

  I think I'm a pretty funny guy.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, sorry. That's, it's too horrible now.

• 25:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, but you're right.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  No, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  That was, is that what, is that the energy that Burke came from?

• 25:12Speaker 01

  No, he was a bit like, okay, he was sort of like this. I saw you, uh.

• 25:15Speaker 00

  Have you ever seen?

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Oh, look, it's, it's little Ricky on the Golden Globes, being edgy. Oh, doing a joke about Robert Downey Jr. doing drugs. Oh, I'm dangerous Ricky, like that.

• 25:27Speaker 00

  Was Ricky there at the time?

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's right, I sat next to him.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  Wiki can hold.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  You do like try.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  Can I say?

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Reverse it that I'm a guest on your podcast.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  If you haven't seen Bill Burr's Philly rant.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  That's one of the best ever.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Really good.

• 25:40Speaker 00

  Okay, so.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Have you seen my Horsham Arts Centre rant?

• 25:43Speaker 00

  No.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  It's what is up on YouTube?

• 25:45Speaker 01

  I would say it's up there. No, I'm just checking. I just made it up. Okay, go on.

• 25:48Speaker 00

  Hi, I'm Kevin Cox and this is.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Why are you somebody different? It makes sense, actually.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  This is the Cox Report where every week I get one of my famous people from the world of comedy, from the world of drama, from the world of news, current affairs, or all of them in this case. I'm joined by one of my favourite acts. It's Mr Romesh Ranganathan.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Hey, man.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  Hey, how are you?

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me on.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  No, it's great to have you on.

• 26:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:14Speaker 00

  Um, so have, you know, we're big fans of you over on this channel. We love watching you do your thing. One of our favourite things that you do is standing up.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Stand up, you mean?

• 26:28Speaker 00

  No, standing up. We love watching you standing up.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Is this what? How do you mean?

• 26:33Speaker 00

  Sorry, it's just we're trying to be one of the kids who wrote that as a joke.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 26:38Speaker 00

  You stand up on the weakest link.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  No, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a lot of stuff I do is standing up and.

• 26:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  Sometimes I sit down.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Yes, exactly.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  We're looking to move towards lying down.

• 26:49Speaker 00

  Um, anyhow, one of the best things that I've seen you do is stand up. You are such a creative force of nature.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Can we just stop? What's going on here?

• 27:00Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 27:01Speaker 01

  I thought the whole thing you're supposed to be roasting me.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  Is that not what you thought we were doing?

• 27:12Speaker 00

  I just thought I was interviewing you.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Why?

• 27:17Speaker 00

  I don't know. I just thought I was interviewing you like it's a podcast.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  No, you're supposed to be like a prick.

• 27:22Speaker 00

  Okay, okay, okay. I think Chris Cox was the wrong character.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  Okay, try a different one.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Hi, welcome to the Philip Report.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  You've gone so far the other way now.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  Hi, welcome to the Philip Report with me, Philip.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  Uh, today I'm joined by one of the biggest dweebs I've ever met.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Okay, I don't.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  One of the biggest dweebs I've ever met. Uh, Romesh Ranganathan, hello dweeb.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Um, hello prick.

• 28:03Speaker 00

  You can't come back here, mate.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  What do you mean? I'm on a podcast. You do what you want. If somebody's gonna be like that, then you just come back at them, don't you?

• 28:10Speaker 00

  Jesus, Rom. Why do you, you make me laugh so much. You're such a ****. Okay. Welcome to the Philip Report with me, Philip.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Oh my god, we're starting again.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Today, I'm joined by a comedian, or who he says he's a comedian, Mr. Romesh Ranganathan.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Okay, well, do you get my fucking name right before you start?

• 28:29Speaker 00

  I'm sorry, mister.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got your name right, Philip.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  So, Ramesh, when you started being a comedian, did you think you were good at it, or did you know you were gonna be shit at it?

• 28:40Speaker 01

  What makes you think I'm shit? Why do you think I'm shit at it?

• 28:44Speaker 00

  The guy's trying to roast you.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  I know, I'm responding.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  Stay in character.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Why do you think I'm shit at it?

• 28:53Speaker 00

  You're so better than this. Uh, I actually quite enjoy your stand-up, if I'm gonna be honest with you.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Why did you say, why did you?

• 28:58Speaker 00

  Well, I think it's probably better than your quiz questions.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Well, I don't, obviously I don't write. You know how quiz works, right?

• 29:03Speaker 00

  No, if it was me, I'd write the questions myself. I wouldn't peddle other people's theories. What are you?

• 29:09Speaker 01

  We ask about a hundred questions a show.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  Well, I'd write them all myself. I wouldn't be a patsy, that's for sure.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  How am I a patsy? The job is to, uh, to ask red act questions.

• 29:19Speaker 00

  I've got a question for you.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Can I tell you something, Philip? Is that kind of arrogance, where you think you're gonna be able to write some questions better than a fucking team of quiz people whose days are devoted to it?

• 29:28Speaker 00

  Do you cut your own toenails, mate?

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Yes, I do. But that's not for...

• 29:32Speaker 00

  There's not a team of people to do it for you.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  No, but also I don't...

• 29:34Speaker 00

  My lord.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  But also I don't TX my fucking toenail cutting on Saturday Night TV.

• 29:39Speaker 00

  That's about the only thing you haven't put on TV.

• 29:41Speaker 01

  What's that supposed to mean?

• 29:42Speaker 00

  All the shows that you do.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Well, listen, by the way, you're welcome for me shining a light on this piece of shit operation you got here. It's so shit, you won't even give out your surname.

• 29:55Speaker 01

  Because you're such a fucking unadulterated ****. Then finally, you get the opportunity to have actually a mainstream big deal name, and you're fucking it, Philip. You're fucking it in the eyes.

• 30:13Speaker 00

  I think it's better to say you're quite well equipped. I think Bill Burr would be fucked with you.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  I don't think he would. I don't think he'd be, I think he'd be better at it than Philip.

• 30:24Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Anyway, it's quite horrible, isn't it? I wonder, I, I, I, I.

• 30:31Speaker 00

  That kind of comedy is.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  There's part of me.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  By the way, that, that meanness isn't really in me.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  No, you're not that type of guy.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  You could do it.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't think.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  You could, man. You are so.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  No, I don't think so.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  Mate, I, I think you could, I, I'm, I, I find stuff too funny, but also.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  I think you have to be, I think, first of all, I think you have to be quite good looking. If, if you're sort of a bit ropey looking with a lazy eye, you've, you've, but you're giving them so much ammo.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Jeffrey Ross is hardly.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Oh no, that's true.

• 30:55Speaker 00

  He's one of the best in the game and.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  He is good, yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  But he's not, yeah, I wouldn't say he's attractive. I'd say you're more attractive than Jeffrey Ross. I would.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  No, thanks, man. Thanks, man.

• 31:05Speaker 00

  Quote them, quote me on that.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. Anyway, that was fun, wasn't it?

• 31:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was. I, I've got a headache.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 31:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, through that laughing. Actually, do you know what? I came in today and I wasn't in the most positive.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Why not?

• 31:17Speaker 00

  I didn't feel, I didn't feel like, as, as, I felt maybe, you know, you just wake up some days, you just, I had, number one, I had to fix two of the fucking handles on the doors of my house.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 31:28Speaker 00

  Cause the people who put the handles, it's such a boring thing, but they put two, they only put two screws out the four, so they keep falling off. So if I ever have like, you know, twice up in the bathroom, I think I've talked about that, well, Vendo, I'm locked in the bathroom, not be able to get out them. Uh, and if I go quickly out the door, like earlier, me and Catherine were having like a sort of a row, but we were just, and I sort of went out and I closed the door behind me. And the handle came off and then she was locked in a room and it looked like I'd locked her in there.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, job's, job's a good one, well done, mate. Got to teach him a lesson, all right?

• 32:00Speaker 00

  And then I had to fix it while sort of apologising.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  While she was stuck in the room?

• 32:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, cause there was no way of getting out. Tell me if you think this is unreasonable. So we've had this thing booked in for a while. We were going out with some friends for like a sort of breakfast brunch.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Why do you, sorry, why are you always going out with friends and never ask me to come out?

• 32:18Speaker 00

  Can I just say, let me finish the story. This is more, this is a circle of friends in our new area Catherine's got very friendly with.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  I'm not necessarily as integrated. I'm sort of making, but I'm like you, I'm working on.

• 32:31Speaker 00

  So she's, she's like, we're all gonna meet up, have a bit of brunch.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  One of my Christmas gifts this year is I got the dishoom book.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Recipe book.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  And I've really enjoyed cooking some stuff from it.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Good for you, man. Did you make gunpowder potatoes?

• 32:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  How were they?

• 32:47Speaker 00

  Incredible.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  Uh, mustard greens?

• 32:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, beautiful.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:50Speaker 00

  Absolutely, yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 32:51Speaker 00

  Have you?

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Chole?

• 32:52Speaker 00

  Huh? No, no, no, no, no. So I had sort of said to Catherine about, I'm looking forward to doing some of the more breakfast stuff in there. Which is quite easy, whatever. She's then decided as a treat and almost as a sort of test for my cooking abilities. Instead of us having a brunch out, she's like, I'm just gonna invite, I've invited everyone round here. I said, what do you mean? She was like, there's eight people coming round and kids.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  When did she tell you this?

• 33:16Speaker 00

  She told me this like this week, this week, so it's happening this weekend. Like there's eight people and their kids coming round and I'm cooking them all like stuff from the dishoom book for breakfast. I don't know if she's done it because I've been so enjoying doing it or the fact that she just thinks it's quite sweet. She was like, she was like, if they come to the house, the kids have got somewhere to play rather than all being in a restaurant. So it just means that, you know, and you can just, and I was like, but then people are taking, I've got to take orders like a waiter and then run into the kitchen. I get very anxious.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  I know where this is going. You are gonna invite me.

• 33:51Speaker 02

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• 34:20Speaker 00

  I'd have you and Lisa over. Welcome to Tom's.

• 34:25Speaker 00

  I'd have you and Lisa over in a heartbeat. Right. Because actually you're very polite guests. How difficult is it to make this room stuff? It's not difficult, it's just the different things that people are gonna, if it was, if I was just doing everyone like. Why don't you just do everyone? No, no, because there's vegetarians coming. Well, just do a veggie option. Like say for example, I was like, I'd do like a, a naan with curried beans, egg, bacon or whatever, or, you know. Have you seen, by the way, have you had the aubergine bacon? No. Oh my god. What's wrong with that? Disgusting. Aubergine, by the way, is amazing. Shout out aubergine, great with a bit of aubergine. Big shout out to aubergine. If you also like aubergine, wolfalpod at gmail dot com. Um, I love this energy. This is, this is like they were partying. There is, there is gonna be a moment before the end of this. You crash. I crash. And you know what? It's gonna be fucking bad.

• 35:10Speaker 00

  Can I just say? It's gonna be fucking bad. Can I just say, I know the rest of mine and John's afternoon is gonna be.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  Hi guys, uh, do you think I went too far on that pod? I felt like my energy was a bit off.

• 35:23Speaker 00

  Anyhow, um, so now I'm, I'm, I'm, I've basically said I can't do, I can't do this. I, I, I can't. You've said you can't do it. I'm, I'm, I've got no faith in myself. And also, th- this is what I mean about you and Lisa being great guests. I think you and Lisa are two of the loveliest people. We've only had a few people in the house. Yeah, well, I, I find that hard to, you've got eight this weekend. Yeah, this is, this is the biggest thing that we've had. And I'm cooking for everyone. Hmm. The thought of the people having to politely, or not politely. Are you angry with Catherine about this? I'm not angry, I'm just like, you've put me in a predicament now. Yeah, so how did you, but, but how did you say, how did you say it? How did you say it? I said, I'm very anxious about this. No, but just, just. Okay, this is how I do it, right? You, you tell me what's happening. Um, darling. Yep. How are you? I'm all right. You know I love you.

• 36:07Speaker 00

  By the way, this is, I don't know, Catherine, this is how Catherine does it. Hey, I was just thinking, um. Oh, right, okay, okay. Uh, hey, hey, Tom, I was just thinking. Tom? Well, what's she call you? The babe or like she just.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Okay, by the way, she she calls you babe. The the the look of disgust that I would say she's called you by your fucking name.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  No, but does your Lisa call you Ramesh?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  She'll say Rom, if she like, she'll go Rom.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  We don't use.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  And then I don't go, I don't go, Rum? Rum?

• 36:37Speaker 00

  In my house, it's like.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Okay, fine, fine, fine. All right, Bubby, Bubby, Bubby.

• 36:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Um, I just thought it'd be nice because you've been enjoying doing your cooking from your little dishon book.

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  I thought it'd be fun if we invited, you know, the four couples that um that we've made friends with in the area recently that you said that you much prefer to Ramesh, you do the podcast with.

• 36:57Speaker 00

  We thought. You know that Ramesh is my favourite person. I mean, if he comes around, we'll give him some cupcake and see how that ends up.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Um, I thought they could all come around for breakfast on Sunday and you do you do more stuff from your dishon book.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  What? Are you joking?

• 37:10Speaker 01

  Okay, you would never say that.

• 37:11Speaker 00

  That, no, genuinely, yeah.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Okay, fine. No, I'm not joking. I thought it'd be nice because you like.

• 37:14Speaker 00

  There's a lot of pressure on me then to get things right.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  It's not pressure. You just do like a load of food and people pick and choose and.

• 37:19Speaker 00

  Three of the eight people are foodies. I've seen them send food back in restaurants. Like.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Hold on, can we just at the office? You've been out with them before.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  You made it out like these are new people that are inviting to get to know them.

• 37:33Speaker 00

  From the area.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  So you've but you've also been to dinner with them, three of them. And not only that, you know enough about them that they're foodies.

• 37:41Speaker 00

  I'd I'd.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  Now I'm starting to get fucked off.

• 37:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Okay, carry on with the things. Okay, let's pretend.

• 37:48Speaker 00

  Three of them are foodies and I've seen them send food back.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  I know, but they're not gonna, they're not gonna send food back when they're around someone's house.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  No, but what will happen is.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Babe, it'll be fun.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  What will happen is they'll turn around and go.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  You raise your voice like that?

• 38:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, when I'm anxious, yeah.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  All right, fine.

• 38:03Speaker 00

  When they leave, they're gonna turn around and go, oh my God, those roles were disgusting. Oh God, what is he thinking?

• 38:07Speaker 01

  They will not. We were having the dishon and you, I've loved it.

• 38:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you have to say that.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  I don't have to say that.

• 38:12Speaker 00

  I should, to be fair, Catherine.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  I thought a lot of the stuff you say, you cook is shit.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  And I'll tell you when you smell.

• 38:19Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  And I'll tell you when you like, when you're, you know, when you try it on and I don't want it because your penis is smelly sometimes.

• 38:25Speaker 00

  My breath.

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, my point is this, there's a lot of pressure when you're cooking for people that you don't know that well.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  But you know them really well, Tom. You know them well enough to know that three of them are foodies and that they sent food back. So you must know them pretty well.

• 38:40Speaker 00

  Oh, my God. Do you know what? Your your version of Catherine is so like.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  So yeah, that was the thing. I'm very anxious about it.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  So you were quite firm with Lisa?

• 38:53Speaker 00

  She knows I get very anxious about those. I was very anxious.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  So you've pushed back?

• 38:57Speaker 00

  I'm like, it just worries me the force.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  So what's happening now?

• 39:00Speaker 00

  I think they're still coming around.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Oh, fucking hell. So it's pointless then?

• 39:03Speaker 00

  Well, no, it's up in the air. I still think we should go out to a restaurant, because then I think everything's fair game.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Where's the nearest Deschamps to you? I assume that you've got all of that shit on your fucking doorstep, because you live in one of the most affluent areas in the country.

• 39:14Speaker 00

  You're such a helmet.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  Do you know what I assume about your area is that there's a fucking Deschamps van that comes around every morning, handing out bacon and eggnog?

• 39:22Speaker 00

  I live at Soho Farmhouse. It's the London one, Soho one would be the closest.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Oh, no, you can't do that.

• 39:28Speaker 00

  No, but there's a couple of nice little places you can go for a bit of brunch.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  Great.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, so yeah, I'd sooner do that than have the pressure on my shoulders. I don't back myself that much. I think it's nice cooking for family.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  I think it's nice that you cook, that you take on ambitious recipes like that. It's good.

• 39:43Speaker 00

  Mate, yeah, I miss my family.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  I love it, I love it about you. Okay, Tom, it's about that time, my dear.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Take us out this motherfucker before I crash!

• 39:53Speaker 00

  Wow. Flying high, friend. Flying high.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  I wonder who this is directed at?

• 39:59Speaker 00

  Truth about it is, it's a little bit like a kite.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Have you had a cupcake?

• 40:06Speaker 00

  I'm fucking dying for a bit of a cupcake. Give up my view. Flying high, friend, flying high. Truth is, it's a little bit like a dandelion. So they're just sitting there, waiting for someone to come along, or a gust of wind to strike you and feel like you're flowing through the air. Truth about flowing anywhere is at some point you've got to come back down, friend. Lost balloon, flying high from the fairground. Timmy's let it go, and as it flies up, he goes, will it ever come back? Will it ever come back? His mum hasn't got the heart to tell him. It'll come down. Probably not round here, hundreds of miles away. Heard about a balloon one time that flew from Australia to Timbuktu. Crazy speak. Crazy speak.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  But enjoy the times when you're floating. Truth is, the ground is hard. So for the time you can, enjoy the glouts. Before you know it, you'll be treading those boards again.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  Okay, sort of had the tone of a CBB story. But, uh, well done. Thank you so much for watching and listening to Wolf and Al, [email protected]. Thank you, friends. Please. Thank you. Thank you. Please. Thank you. Remember to like and subscribe, uh, wherever you get your podcasts. We'll see you next time. Peace out.