Food Poisoning, Paris & Parenting

What happens on a boys' trip to Paris? On this week's Wolf & Owl, Tom and Romesh unpack their recent trip to Paris, from filming with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe, to a disastrous bout of food poisoning after a group meal. Elsewhere, the boys debate the mind-boggling idea of a transatlantic tunnel, discuss whether AI could eventually make money irrelevant, and Tom struggles to understand the Eurostar. Plus, they talk wraps, Nandos, holiday gifts, and Tom rounds things off with another classic story and life lesson. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 00:40 On The Whiskey Brothers 02:10 A dad & son role play 11:19 An exclusive 12:05 The Eurostar 17:46 The problem with wraps 19:30 An update on the transatlantic tunnel 23:21 Will money be irrelevant? 23:53 Some trip observations 25:09 Rom thanks Tom 27:00 The golf meal from hell 31:12 On Paris 34:06 Biscuits & holiday gifts 39:05 Kick & Beavo 40:57 Tom’s Flint Rock story 45:21 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Put your fucking coffee down prick, it's the Wolf for Now.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry baby. Oh Rami.

• 0:09Speaker 00

  Um. Look at this new setup.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  This is great.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  It looks identical, but we're further apart.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a, there's a little bit more room in it.

• 0:15Speaker 00

  Smells better, doesn't it?

• 0:16Speaker 01

  In the room, yeah.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  No, we're not all up against each other's. Why are you all in my grill? Do you know that song?

• 0:22Speaker 01

  No.

• 0:22Speaker 00

  Won't you pay my bills?

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Did I blow your mind with that song I played you earlier?

• 0:42Speaker 00

  Uh, you played me the Whiskey Brothers cover of?

• 0:44Speaker 01

  Man in the Mirror.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  Man in the Mirror.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Oh my god. They are just, the Whiskey Brothers have just become my addiction this week. I'm obsessed with them.

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Well, I guess it gives your body a break from all the tattoos. While you're obsessed with the whiskeys. Not only are you obsessed with them, you got in touch with them?

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got in touch with them. I'm trying to get them to do a version of our song.

• 1:06Speaker 00

  Is it possible they'll get annoyed about our song because it is AI?

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I'm gonna say we did well, yeah. I mean, hopefully that, yeah.

• 1:13Speaker 00

  I mean, we have pretty much endorsed it by clipping up and putting it out there.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17Speaker 00

  It's a damning indictment of what the Whiskey Brothers do, actually.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  One of them's got the, the, a voice that melts me every, I just wanna be his friend. The one, the one who sings Man in the Mirror. Yeah. Just the raspy, raspy voice.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  That's your favourite type of voice, isn't it?

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Oh mate, yeah. I'm like, it goes back, I think I've talked to, I remember being in a karaoke bar when I was 16, First Lads Holiday, and hearing, like, I was chatting to some people, and this guy got up and he sang, um, the Whitney Houston song, um, you know, I believe the children will be, be the answer, you know. I believe the children are the future. He's a winner, let them lead. And I was just melted. I, I literally spent the next few days following that guy around like a lost dog.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Oh, what a nice reward for him singing that song.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  Um, he was like three years older than me, but he felt like he, he lived a life.

• 2:08Speaker 00

  Theo?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Who's 16.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Raspy voice when he sings?

• 2:11Speaker 00

  No, but is planning his First Lads Holiday.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Currently.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Where, where are they thinking?

• 2:17Speaker 00

  They're thinking Tenerife.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Okay, I don't know about that.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  What, why?

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Tenerife.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  Okay, but I mean, that's just, you've just added a G there.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Do you wanna explain a bit?

• 2:27Speaker 01

  I don't think, I think Tenerife is, I think there's nicer places to go for the young man.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Of course there is.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  But then, I guess, yeah, who would have told me at that age?

• 2:34Speaker 00

  He's a 16 year old?

• 2:35Speaker 01

  He's, yeah, with the world in front of him.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  What are you thinking, Falakaki?

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Hench.

• 2:39Speaker 00

  Falakaki.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  Uh. Um, Falakaki's great. I did Falakaki as well. I did most of the places. Rhodes, Falakaki was one of my favourites.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  A cat pooed on my friend's forehead. He fell asleep in the street.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Um, so he's thinking, have you given him, you're sitting down with our mission?

• 2:58Speaker 00

  Well, I'm going.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Look, you, honestly, you can't go.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  Why?

• 3:02Speaker 01

  You can't go on your son's holiday.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  I, I said to him.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  You, number one, your need to sort of like impress will make it so cringe. Like you sort of like, okay.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  His dad's.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  The arse for now stinks.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  His dad's Romesh Ranganathan is a bit different, a bit cooler, you know? I haven't suggested it to him yet, but.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  He won't see it that way. Yeah, he'll be, you'll be like known as Old Dusty or something, you know, they'll all get shirts made up.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Okay, um, you be Theo.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  You've got your banner cannon on. You can take that. Okay, I'm Theo.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Um, we'll do, yeah, I'll be Theo first. I'll be Theo first.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, so I've got like my top bowling score. It's fucking sick.

• 3:42Speaker 00

  Sorry, what did you say?

• 3:43Speaker 01

  I've got my top bowling, oh, sorry, I was just talking to my friend on Snapchat.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  Oh, how's it going?

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, good, it's just sad I got my top bowling score today.

• 3:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, cool.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, so effortless.

• 3:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  I've actually got really, really good temp in bowling recently.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  You've got a bit of different energy about you today.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just feel different because I'm like 16 now, so I do what I want. So, I don't know if you've heard or mum's told you, uh, I'm planning my first big lads holiday.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  Well, I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Oh really? Here we go.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  Who, you're on your own, right? Who is?

• 4:12Speaker 01

  I'm kick, I'm doing it on kick, so everyone can see.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  You're on kick?

• 4:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm on kick. Yeah, just kick friends, uh, just so you know, this is coming to the room. Yeah, yeah.

• 4:22Speaker 00

  You're about to watch your, you're about to watch your viewers spike quite a lot.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, really?

• 4:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Well, because the dorks come in the room.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  Well, the only person that's actually worthy of broadcast is coming to the room.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, so what are you saying, old man?

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Well, I just wanted, I don't wanna do this on kick.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, kick, kick friends, uh, hit me back in a bit, I'm gonna give you the download on what my dad said. I'll probably put on Snapchat saying, yeah, Theo Von out.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  Why are you Theo Von?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Everyone calls me that because my name's Theo.

• 4:52Speaker 00

  Okay, but there is somebody called Theo Von. So it feels insane to make that your handle.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  I said that people should call me Theo Rom.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  Okay, so that's quite, that's quite an honour.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  For me, thank you.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  So anyway, where, where is it you're thinking about going on this little holiday?

• 5:07Speaker 01

  I don't know, fellas, um, Tenerife, but then like, uh, Big Tom Davis is like saying it's not all that cool, so maybe you're thinking about going somewhere else.

• 5:16Speaker 00

  Um, you've never called him Big Tom Davis before.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what my friends call him, he's a bit of a legend.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  You normally call him that twat you hang out with?

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he's quite a legend when it comes to like knowing about lads holidays and stuff. He's been like everywhere, he's so cool.

• 5:28Speaker 00

  Tom Davis? From the Wolf for Now?

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, but you, you hang out, you know, I tell everyone, like, my dad knows that guy. And they're like, oh, did your dad go on holiday with him? And I'm like, no, no, no, my dad's never been on a lads holiday.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  Okay, so, well, I, I, I was, it's funny you say that, actually, never been on a lads, I, I was wondering if you might consider, I think it'd be quite cool, just like in terms of getting into bars and stuff, it might be difficult. I've got the summer off.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Oh, please. No way.

• 6:03Speaker 00

  Absolutely, it can happen.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  I'm not, you can't come, my mates will, my mates, like, I know that some people think you're cool because you like hip hop and breakdancing, but like, my friends don't think you're cool.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  You should be buzzing.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  I'm not buzzing, I can't turn up there with you, everyone think like, yeah, like, why is your teacher here?

• 6:21Speaker 00

  Well, I'm coming.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  You're not coming.

• 6:23Speaker 00

  I am coming.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  I'd rather not go and you can go with my friends.

• 6:25Speaker 00

  Fine.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  All right, I'll just go away with Tom Davis.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  You're not going with Tom Davis?

• 6:30Speaker 01

  What, him and Rob Beckett maybe?

• 6:33Speaker 00

  You, Rob Beckett and Tom Davis?

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  I don't think so.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Right, you can't come on holiday with me and my friends.

• 6:39Speaker 00

  Why not?

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Where are you gonna stay?

• 6:42Speaker 00

  I'll get a room of my own.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, you, best you are, you're not getting in a room with me, I'm not staying in a room with my dad.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  Well, I live with you now.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, but this is holiday, stuff's gonna happen, stuff's gonna go on. I want you perving at my mates when they're kissing girls and stuff.

• 6:55Speaker 00

  I'm not gonna perv at some 16 year olds kissing girls.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Why do you wanna be there? It's so weird.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  I can find it online.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, mum says. Why do you wanna come so much? It's so tragic.

• 7:06Speaker 00

  I think it'll help you out.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  It's not gonna help me out, no one's gonna talk to me if you're there lurking about, drinking whiskey, getting drunk and falling all over the place. Then you'll start doing those dance routines that you're always practising in the kitchen.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  All right, fine, I won't come.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  See?

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, anyway, I was joking, I'm not gonna.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Do you wanna do a version when you're Theo, now Ramesh?

• 7:25Speaker 00

  Well, I can see where this is gonna go, but all right.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Knockety knock!

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Oh, hi dad, so good to see you, you know, you, I haven't told you today though, but you know you're my hero.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Oh really?

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  You're such a legend.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Well, I just thought I'd slink upstairs, uh, in the commercial break of Coronation Street, to, uh, to ask you a little favour.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  Yes, what is it?

• 7:52Speaker 01

  So, uh, I've been listening into your phone calls and checking in on your texts, and it's apparent to me that you, Theo, Ranganathan, are about to go on a lads holiday.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, we were gonna go to, uh, Tenerife, but then I kept getting texts from that nonce you hang about with. Um, and he just kept going, Tenerife, do you get it? Do you get it? Tenerife is.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Well, Josh can be very protective.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  Not Josh, the big nonce.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Okay, well Greg Davis can be very.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  The imminible nonce we call him.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Well, let's get past that, he's my best friend and also your godfather.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  You said Rob was your best friend, you said, you said Tom was some guy that you just got lumbered doing a podcast with.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Yes, well, that nonetheless, he's the coolest, edgiest person I know. Listen.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  You don't normally say this about him.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  I've never had the chance.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  What about the other day when you're going, oh fucking hell, I've got to do the podcast with that twat again?

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Don't you speak about your grandmother like that, now listen to me. Listen to me, I've never known what it's like to go on a lads holiday, just to bump and grind with strangers on a fully lit dance floor. I've never felt that passion in my veins. Is it okay if I come with you and the chaps?

• 9:09Speaker 00

  Do you know what dad? I'd love that, as long as you don't bring that horrible sex offender. Fucking dirty, fucking sad, boring chatterbox.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Listen, I'm not gonna bring Michael McIntyre.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about that horrible fucking stupid twat.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  John Richardson will not be coming to this either.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  Uh, but like, I'm not going on holiday with him.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  So, how do you feel about him going away?

• 9:33Speaker 00

  I'm a little bit, no, nothing actually, I don't know why I said that.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  He's a very responsible.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think he'll be fine, I mean, look, he's gonna get on it or whatever, or do whatever.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Of course he is, but he's also in a relationship now.

• 9:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, but also, it'll, it'll just be fine, it'll just be fine. Um, I think Lisa would be more worried than me.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  She's in, you know.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  And also, he's.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Mums and their sons.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:52Speaker 00

  You know?

• 9:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, daddies and daughters.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  You could, I mean, you'll have to talk to him about the birds and the bees and stuff before he goes, I'm imagining.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  I've already had that chat with him.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Have you? Of course, I think we, do we talk about it?

• 10:02Speaker 00

  Um, I mean, obviously you're gonna be dreading it when little G goes on her first.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  But she won't, yeah, she won't go.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  Sorry? What was that, what was that noise?

• 10:09Speaker 01

  The hell, I mean, I'll be so old by that point, she won't have any, what are we talking, so she's 14 years' time.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, 14 years' time.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're not gonna be so old.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  You're old enough. Yeah, she'll probably have to come see me in the nursing home, I'll be, ow.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  We'll be doing this, we'll be doing this, we'll be doing this in like Goffs Manor nursing home. Just sitting there.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  So just giving us some tablets. Welcome to the Wolf for Now. Now, I, I just had to be, uh, I have my third tablet of the day so that I could have some fibre light. Such a shame what happened to Rob, isn't it? He was such a great comedian, but anyway, hope he's doing all right in prison.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  They say that they keep him separate from the others for his own safety.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  When he's on his own wing. Um, yeah, that's a scary thought, isn't it?

• 11:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  I haven't really thought back too much about it.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  Um, well, you don't need to. I don't think you need to worry about it for now.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  No, no, of course, yeah.

• 11:17Speaker 02

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• 11:41Speaker 03

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• 12:01Speaker 00

  Now, let's address the, there's not an elephant in the room, but you and I have just come back from.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  A wonderful trip.

• 12:07Speaker 00

  Wow. Now, we got, we, we want to talk about it, but we can't get into too much detail.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Details, yeah, we have to. It's the scarce details.

• 12:14Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  But what an amazing, I actually, I genuinely, I can't remember enjoying such friends time for a long time.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  You, me, Josh, Rob.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  And Beckles.

• 12:27Speaker 00

  In Paris.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 00

  Three days, absolute fucking carnage.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  The first day was carnage, wasn't it? Genuinely.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  Well, first day, we, we're filming out there, we can't, I don't think we can go into details about what it was, but.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  But it got rather dizzy, it got rather crazy quite quickly.

• 12:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, it did. Uh, I mean, my, my, the first thing was when, when we, because obviously, not obviously, we got the Eurostar over together, didn't we?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Which was fun.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Uh, and Rob and Josh arrived at different times.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  You seem to not understand that it got dark when you go into the tunnel. So when we were going in a tunnel underneath the channel.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  You were like, oh, I thought it would be a better view. I think you thought it was going to be like Little Mermaid.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  I thought it'd be glass. I didn't realise that they'd go to all that.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  Tunnel would be glass.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, like George, like George III.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  For a train.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do. I thought it's, it feels like an absolute waste of time making a big dark tunnel. But at least they have some, something to look at when you go, oh my God, look, look.

• 13:25Speaker 00

  But it, it's going to be infinitely more difficult to make that, just so that you can look out the window.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Well, it's not just me, but everyone.

• 13:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  We're at the bottom of the ocean. That's, that's an absolute incredible thing to see. Oh, well, look, fish, buddy, what's that?

• 13:39Speaker 00

  I don't, I, I don't, look, I mean, I don't know the science of this, but I don't think even if it was glassy, too much. You go on a high speed train.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  You, you would see, and it's not, by the way, it's not as speedy as everyone thinks it is.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 13:52Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  You don't know how speedy everyone thinks it is, and also it's really fast.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  I will tell you now, I was watching it, there was a speedometer when you were doing some work. I'm on that speedometer. Hundred and twenty miles an hour.

• 14:03Speaker 00

  It's difficult to know whether to believe this, bearing in mind that I didn't do any work on the train at all.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Why didn't you do any work?

• 14:08Speaker 00

  I was just sat on the train.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  You, you were actually in very good company on the train.

• 14:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, you were too.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  I would say that's the food on the train wasn't particularly.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  Let's get this out in the open, the food on the Eurostar's shit.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's awful. I would say the customer service is incredible.

• 14:21Speaker 00

  It smells weird.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Even stuff that looks like it's going to be nice is crap.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  It's greasy.

• 14:26Speaker 00

  The staff are great.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  The staff are amazing, way there and way back.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  On the Eurostar, tell your friends and your family is shite.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Dung.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  I still think it's better than flying.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, by the way, I love the Eurostar. Like, the, that's what, all I'd say, all I'm saying is, if there was glass windows underneath the water, number one, then you've got your wow factor.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  I don't think it is a wow factor, going under the channel.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  But what, why haven't they not just made like an underground tunnel?

• 14:53Speaker 00

  You're not going to see fucking Sebastian the crab around.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Like the world.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 14:57Speaker 01

  Just do an underground tunnel that goes like from country to country. Why don't they just stop with one?

• 15:03Speaker 00

  You're absolutely, I don't know why they've not done that.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  I'm just thinking that it's just, it, it was so, it's such an easy way to travel.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  So I feel like I'm doing a podcast with Donald Trump.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Why?

• 15:14Speaker 00

  You can't just imagine, like, what are you doing? You're just imagining shit.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  How, how long would it take roughly, do you think, to get from America to the UK if you went under the Atlantic?

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Kill me.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  What? I'm just saying.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  I, I, I don't know. A, a, a plane from what, from LA to London?

• 15:31Speaker 01

  New York, you go from New York.

• 15:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, of course you would. New York, so New York to the UK, what is that by plane? Seven, six hours, seven?

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Six hours, seven hours.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  So it's going to be, well, a plane's travelling at, oh, fucking, how fast does the plane go? Four hundred miles an hour? And a train.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, the Eurostar was pushing it at a hundred and twenty-five.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  You're doubling that then, at least.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  That's the trouble, fourteen hours underground like that.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Also, the other trouble is building a fucking tunnel underneath the Atlantic.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's doable, isn't it?

• 15:59Speaker 00

  For, for what purpose? We've got planes.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I'm just saying, it's a nice way to, but now fourteen hours in that big dark.

• 16:05Speaker 00

  It's like going, why don't they build a set of stairs and then a slide at the other end that you can go down?

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would be insane because you'd go up to space then, wouldn't you?

• 16:15Speaker 00

  No, you're right. As I said, I thought that was actually a shit example.

• 16:18Speaker 04

  Can I blow your mind?

• 16:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 04

  There's a proposed twenty trillion dollar transatlantic tunnel that would get you from London to New York City in fifty-four minutes.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  Wow, wow. See, this is the difference between me and you. I'm always thinking of these different things.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  Fifty-four minutes?

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Fifty-four minutes.

• 16:37Speaker 00

  I'm sorry, you would turn into a fucking chutney. If it's going quick enough, that, that, where have you got that from? Theonion.com?

• 16:47Speaker 04

  It's a, it's a legitimate site. Hang on.

• 16:50Speaker 00

  Fifty-four minutes?

• 16:51Speaker 01

  This can't be right.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  More details as I get them.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  Well, Tom, I've got to apologise to you, man.

• 16:57Speaker 01

  I don't even know that, but that's, it's, I mean, that's a lot of money that to spend on a train.

• 17:03Speaker 00

  Fifty-four minutes?

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Fifty-four minutes. That, by the way, that's quicker than it is to get to Manchester from London.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  That's insane. I do like it when I hear stuff like this. It just feels that there's someone out there just really pushing the, pushing the.

• 17:18Speaker 00

  I don't know how, I don't get how you survive that.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 17:23Speaker 00

  Well, it's just so quick.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you're not running.

• 17:26Speaker 00

  I know, but what I mean is like.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you'll just, you probably won't even notice.

• 17:31Speaker 00

  Pinned against your seat, wouldn't you?

• 17:32Speaker 01

  No, no, no, they'll have something to, like, yeah.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 17:37Speaker 01

  I think you'd be, I think you'd go out and it starts, oh gee, oh, and then you go, you sort of acclimatise into it.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  I think we've kind of switched roles here. I think I've become the guy that doesn't know anything and you've become the genius. You've literally just.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh my God, I've never seen anyone massage. I've, so you've always thought yourself as a genius?

• 17:56Speaker 00

  That's the dynamic of the podcast, yeah.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  By the way, I.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  We're like Pinky and the Brain, aren't we?

• 18:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, can I say, on this point, Pinky has picked out a lot of stuff. The McDonald, all the McDonald's stuff I've picked out.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  Fair point. What else?

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Uh, the train stuff.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  Yeah. Have you got a third one?

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Uh, listeners, uh, write in, emails, texts about different stuff that I've got in.

• 18:19Speaker 00

  What's the address?

• 18:20Speaker 01

  Uh, [email protected].

• 18:22Speaker 00

  Come on.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  That's what, that's what I'm saying, you're the genius now. I'm normally the genius.

• 18:27Speaker 03

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• 18:57Speaker 01

  Before this podcast started, I popped into a place in Covent Garden to grab myself a little bit of lunch.

• 19:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, you went to get a wrap?

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, beautiful wrap, incredible wrap. Watching the guy make the wrap was one of the most painful things I've ever had to sit through. Because I said, I, I, I need one to take away. Um, I'm in a bit of a rush. And he said, I don't worry about it. And then he gets a ticket and he just looks at it for a minute.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  Puts it up, then he has another look at it. And then he, he just slowly puts everything, it's like he, it's like he was loading a suitcase, but he didn't know what he wanted to take on holiday. He's just put, he, he must make a hundred of these wraps, wraps every day. He puts a bit of chicken in, then he just looks at it and he sort of fiddles around with it a bit.

• 19:39Speaker 00

  Sounds like he's taking his time and trying to do it properly.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Sling it in, it's a wrap. I mean, you saw the state of it when I brought it in. It wasn't like a neatly, it was an absolute crap.

• 19:48Speaker 00

  I mean, I'm starting to think that burritos in general.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 00

  They're too much of a ball ache to be worth it.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  The juices are worth the squeeze.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Mate, every, look, I, I can't think of the last time I got one of those, where it's not fucked it when I've opened it.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  The worst bit, and Nando's, I love Nando's. I've got a Nando's tattoo. I adore Nando's.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Don't.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  No, I'm just, nothing about the food, the food's amazing. But when you get a Nando's wrap sometimes, the cut, and the cardboard sticks to the wrap.

• 20:14Speaker 00

  That is annoying.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  The tortilla wrap.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  That only really happens when you get it delivered.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then you, yeah, because you eat it at the table, they're perfect, and then it rips open.

• 20:22Speaker 00

  So they don't put it in.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  And then it's like walking out.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  What's happened to me today?

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Uh, do you know what it is?

• 20:26Speaker 00

  What?

• 20:27Speaker 01

  I think the weekend's taken its toll on you.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  Do you think so?

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  I think I might be broken.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  Banter.

• 20:33Speaker 00

  Um, anyway, so, yeah, but let's not diss Nando's.

• 20:36Speaker 01

  No, no, I adore Nando's. I absolutely, you know how much I like, I've got a Nando's tattoo.

• 20:40Speaker 00

  I know, beautiful.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  There's no Tom.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  John, have you found out more information? Is that what?

• 20:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's a little bit more to this.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  Um, I think we're a long way off it being a reality.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  But it could be a reality.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  But, but, but, but, but, but just let him finish.

• 20:53Speaker 04

  But at the moment, with the way that current technology is, where we're at, it reckons it would take roughly, that even the length of the tunnel would take seven hundred and eighty years to dig.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  Okay, so, so, so actually, it turns out the tables have turned and I was right and we're back.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Can I say, what lazy diggers?

• 21:14Speaker 00

  Seven hundred and eighty-five years? What did you say, lazy what?

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Diggers.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  Do you think, do you think? No, I'm just, no.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, right?

• 21:28Speaker 00

  That's that, I doubt that says it's gonna take seven hundred and eight years, cause you know what they're like.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  They'll have to take a break.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Eurostar takes a dick.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  A long time. I think it overran by quite a bit.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Well, that's, you know what, that's.

• 21:42Speaker 00

  But, but, but, but sorry, I'm not being funny, but that is, I'm not being funny today.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  That's just a pointless exercise. Seven hundred and eighty five year, can I say, no, no one who starts, that's general, that's generational work you're putting out there. So sad that you, you could work, you could start that job at seventeen, retire at sixty five, and there's still like, you know, hun, like, six, seven hundred years to go on it.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, thanks for pointing that out. Hadn't occurred to me.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  No, but it's like, oh, you're a great, great, great, great, great, great grandson's really gonna enjoy this.

• 22:11Speaker 00

  Well, some people have that, like, you, in the olden days, mate, somebody would leave, the, the family would leave a town. And some people wouldn't make it to the destination. You'd get on a ship.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Every time I step into a church, I think of this poor sad person who laid the foundations down on it. Put the first stone down and went, I can't wait to see this when it goes up. You know, I've got a chance, Bob. It's, if you're lucky, mate, you'll see the first three.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  I'd love to know which era we're talking about, where Bob laid the foundations for this ancient church.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  No, but you go to any big old church.

• 22:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  There's the people who start the groundwork, that.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  But they don't need, that, that's the thing, they don't need to see it. They've, they've contributed.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Often probably didn't give it, get a chance to look at the plans or the sculpture of it.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  But look, let's not keep, you, li- listen, we can talk about ancient churches, we can also talk about having a similar thought when we're watching the Qatar World Cup, alright?

• 23:00Speaker 00

  You know, these things are happening left, right and centre.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  Anyway, the point, but can I just say, in, in, to this point about the tunnel, it's just fucking, it's like not saying it at all. It's like in the future, we hope that they will, we'll build a glass tunnel to Jupiter. And then we're gonna get in a catapult and get shot across, and it'll take three minutes. Isn't that exciting? It's bollocks. It don't, the technology doesn't exist to make it happen.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Mate, you're right. Whoever has written that.

• 23:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, fuck you, man.

• 23:27Speaker 01

  That is li- my worst kind of journalism.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  That's the worst kind of journalism.

• 23:33Speaker 00

  That, that's the wor- that is, of all the journalism that exists, of all the shit that is said about people, yeah? The phone hacking, all of that stuff, that's the worst bit, that's the worst type of journalism.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  People getting your hopes up about stuff like that.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Mate, imagine if we'd had a bet on that, and you'd had to give me a grand. And then like, we both walked out here, I'm grand up, then you read the rest of the report and went, bloody, we get back here, you bloody drifter. It's like.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  That kind of thing just drives me crazy. Seven hundred, like eight hundred years essentially.

• 24:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  To put it, there's no one in the, who's getting, also, who's gonna put up the money to do it? Two trillion, you, you won't even see it for, for generations to put up twen- was it twenty trillion? All of these numbers are just insane.

• 24:21Speaker 04

  Um, I think it was an Elon Musk thing.

• 24:23Speaker 00

  Okay, well, there you go. Why have we even entertained this for the amount of time we have done?

• 24:27Speaker 04

  Twenty trillion dollars.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Twenty trillion dollars.

• 24:29Speaker 00

  Twenty trillion, okay. So let, let, let's just say it's unlikely. Although Elon Musk, recently I saw a thing where, where he said by twenty thirty six, money will be irrelevant.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I saw that. What, what are people giving him then?

• 24:41Speaker 00

  Um, he, what he's saying is, is that A I and technology will be creating so many goods and services. That, that, that money will become worthless, I think.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Isn't he saying that working will become?

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  A choice.

• 24:55Speaker 00

  None of us are gonna be doing jobs. And, you know, I would say anybody that listens to or watches this are thinking, that's, we're already on our way there. The shift that these two have.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  You spent the whole of the weekend with the lads, by the way, talking about this retirement plan. I've never seen any, you.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  Well, there's a few questions I wanna ask you about this, about this whole weekend. First of all.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  I think that I was sort of the outcast of the group a little bit.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  The outcast?

• 25:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, sort of the one that was getting on with the others a little bit less than the, than each other.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  In what sense?

• 25:24Speaker 00

  That's my first observation. The second one is, you and Rob are essentially, I, I, I, I, it's, as I was watching you two. I was like, fucking hell, I do a show with him and a podcast with him, and now it all makes complete sense. You're the same people in different moulds.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  You, you look up from your phones and notice the same things in the car at the same time.

• 25:50Speaker 00

  And you're both like, chicken, we want chicken.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  I didn't know how much like Rob Beckett I was until I spent. Three, three, three days with him.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  It was a great time.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  I do, I do, I didn't think you were the outsider. I think you had things on your mind for the first day, you felt, I think, I think you really relaxed into it the last two, second two days, you were more yourself. I was quite worried about your first day.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  What, first day filming?

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, no, no, first, first day being there, just felt a little bit. There was an edge to you, I felt a little bit, I felt quite.

• 26:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, as you know, I was going through a little bit. Um, anyway, the other thing that, um, the other thing.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:24Speaker 00

  Is I've got to thank you.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  This is like beautiful, but I, I'm gonna, I wanna give you your flowers now.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:30Speaker 00

  You went on a walk.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  This is, a- and I didn't say this at the time, it's one of the many myriad of reasons that I think you're a top don.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  So you've gone for a walk.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:41Speaker 00

  Right? And it, in your travels, you have seen a little golf bar place, right, where you can play on a golf simulator.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  You've made a note of it.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  And then when we went out, you suggested it as a thing. We went out and found it, and you, me and Rob, I've not played golf, I think the last time I played golf was when we did it for Rob and Ramesh versus with Kyle Walker.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  Obviously, Rob has got his, uh, he's trying to, he, he's going toe to toe with Holly Willoughby on YouTube with his, uh, his golfing channel. So, so he's playing it a lot, you play a lot of golf.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, yeah.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  And then I hadn't played it for ages. We're the, mate, that was like, is one of those surprise, that's like a surprise good time.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  That was a great time.

• 27:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  But I was genuinely, that, it was probably the most relaxed I've been for a long time.

• 27:25Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  We went in, we had a laugh together, then Josh had been out photographi- uh, photographing.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  Photographing?

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Photographing.

• 27:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Uh, came and joined us.

• 27:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. Uh. He's not into golf, ni- I mean, neither am I, actually.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  By the way, you hit some great shots.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  There's one shot, you know, I was getting frustrated.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  You were.

• 27:43Speaker 00

  I was, obviously nowhere near as good as either of you two, but you're giving it a go, and you two were very kindly giving me instruction, being very, the opposite of toxic, I would say.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, you know, you've got to be there for your pal.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  Then, right at the death, I connected sweetly.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Oh, it's lovely.

• 28:00Speaker 00

  And then I realised why golf is addictive.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then you hit a night, I said, let that be your last shot.

• 28:04Speaker 00

  I know, and I didn't listen to you.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  And you hit a real bad one.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  And I absolutely spanned it.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  But then we went for that lovely little, um, that sit down, we had a little meal, a little drink together.

• 28:12Speaker 00

  I didn't say this to the group, that place gave me the shits.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  Did you got, cause I had food poisoning.

• 28:18Speaker 00

  You got food poisoning.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  From onion soup.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  So I can't figure out whether it was, cause we went out for a big meal the night before, all of production, everything.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:26Speaker 00

  Went out for a big meal. You had onion soup and then a chicken supreme, is that right?

• 28:30Speaker 01

  A chicken supreme. The, apparently it was onion soup.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  Well, you don't know that. Somebody that, that wasn't there has told you that, right?

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, but the, the, it literally, it didn't even hit my stomach, whatever it was. I didn't have, I didn't have the shits, I literally was just throwing up.

• 28:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I had a different experience.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 28:45Speaker 00

  I felt very poorly. Coming to do filming, it was tricky.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  So, hold up, you got the two or bits from?

• 28:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Did you even eat in that place we went to this time?

• 28:52Speaker 00

  I only had fries.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 28:55Speaker 00

  I don't know what's happened with that.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Cause we had an ill flottant.

• 28:58Speaker 00

  What?

• 28:59Speaker 01

  We had an ill flottant, uh, me and the boy.

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Yes, you had a floating island. You're obsessed with floating islands.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Floating, my favourite dessert. Do you know, by the way, I cherish the moment, I saw both Rob Beckett and Josh Willacam have their first ill flottant.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  So it's a, it's a meringue in custard.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, with almonds.

• 29:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Little powdered almonds.

• 29:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  I will say that the first one came out amazing.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  You had, you went double bubble, so two nights in a row, you had.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  The second place, I was coming out, out of food poisoning.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Um.

• 29:30Speaker 00

  I would say, if you don't mind me saying, that, um, you had quite heavy food poisoning. Um, and I don't wanna get into trouble with Kat, your behaviour the day after having food poisoning was fucking wild.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Can I say, I let it out my system. I didn't eat anything. During the day, I had a, a French.

• 29:50Speaker 00

  You ate a, you ate a French loaf. In its entirety.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Uh, I had a sleep for a bit.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Then I was ravenous.

• 29:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  We went, we popped out.

• 30:01Speaker 00

  And what you're supposed to do in those situations is take it easy, because you're reintroducing your stomach.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  To something. So what you did was you had yourself a light chicken burger with fries. And followed up with a floating island.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  The, but the second floating island, there was a bit.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  The one thing you did do is not have any drinks.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  No, didn't have any alcohol. The, the floating island thing, so the first one was incredible, very like Nouvelle cuisine type thing. The second one, uh, I said to the guy, hold your horses before closing the kitchen, cause me and, we wanna, what did I say? Can we get a drop on the ill, ill floating islands?

• 30:38Speaker 00

  Can we get a dr- oh, yeah, so the guy, the waiter comes over, French.

• 30:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  And not great English.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  And why should it be?

• 30:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 00

  Right? We're in France. And, um, you go to him, you wanna check, cause it's coming, it's starting, it's about to close.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  Kitchen's closing.

• 30:54Speaker 00

  You wanna check if we can get an, a floating island. For some reason, you don't speak French, fine, your decision to ask like this, uh, excuse me, mate? Is it possible to get a old drop of the old, uh, floating island?

• 31:10Speaker 00

  Is, is there any chance of squeezing us in before the old gaffo closeo? And he's like, what? Obviously, isn't that what the fuck you're on about? And then you went, floating island, possible to get a drop of that before you lock up? What? And then we had to explain to him in like basic English.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, the float, uh, ill flottant.

• 31:28Speaker 00

  Ill flottant.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Anyway, he said, it doesn't matter about the kitchen, I'll make them at the bar.

• 31:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, that made you nervous, didn't it?

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then we watched.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  They're very rarely made at a bar.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  No. And then we watched him put up an, for an ice cream container, an old ice cream container for a fridge.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  I didn't see any of this.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  And he put a big dollop that he got for, which was the meringue, and then he put the custard in round it, uh, that he got from a.

• 31:52Speaker 00

  So the custard's cold?

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's all cold.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  I know the meringue would be.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's all cold. Uh, and then he was just, he got some almonds and just squeezed them on there.

• 32:00Speaker 00

  That sounds horrific. I did not see any of that.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  That was, yeah, I, I was watching that.

• 32:04Speaker 00

  Did that not put you off a bit?

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah. I mean, it did for a moment, and I.

• 32:07Speaker 00

  I mean, you smashed it, though?

• 32:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:09Speaker 00

  I mean, you absolutely ploughed through it, so it didn't put you off that much.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  We shared it between three of us.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, Jo- I saw Josh and Rob have a little bit.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  But obviously.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  I took out most of the island.

• 32:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  I love Paris, but I fell in love with Paris. I've never been before. Well, I have been. I've been to watch football.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  That's your only second time there?

• 32:30Speaker 01

  As a tourist, my first time of actually knocking about and I loved it. I fell in love with it. I was like, you know, and I will say this, really adored the French. Had a great time chatting to some French people. I found them to be.

• 32:42Speaker 00

  That's one of the first times where you've discussed being in a European country and actually liking the people.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  Well, I'm not, I don't think I'm exaggerating.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  I love the Portuguese, the Italians.

• 32:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Not the Greeks.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Not the bubbles. Oh, bubbles and squeaks.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  French people are great.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  They're good. I loved them.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  There's no getting around. There's a coolness to them, an edge to them.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  The way that Parisians dress, it's a delight, isn't it?

• 33:12Speaker 01

  It's the only place that you can smoke and still look cool.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  When you walk down the street and see someone smoke, you don't go, ugh.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  I just think all of them, like even the not, the ones that you don't think have really made an effort. There's just something about how they look, I find.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  They, they can throw, there's very, yeah, they've just thrown on a pair of slacks and a shirt, but it somehow looks so put together.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  It's a city of contrasts, I'd say Paris, cause like some of it is really beautiful. When you get off the Eurysthe, the Gardenaux station.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 33:40Speaker 00

  Around there.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  Terrifying.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  It's like fucking Mordor.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  It's fucking terrifying.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  It's so bad.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  Fucking that is one of the scariest things I've been through.

• 33:47Speaker 00

  Mate.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  On the way back, by the way, well, yeah, I wasn't ask you cause I was with you.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  So I thought, yeah, me and you, we get about a bit.

• 33:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  On the way back, and also we, we got straight into a car and drove off.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, when a, when a chauffeur comes and picks you up, it's very difficult to feel too alarmed.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Me and Josh, our, basically we couldn't get through the traffic due to the event that was going on. So me and Josh had to jump out with our suitcases and make it through, walk through Gardenaux for about 20 minutes. And it was walking through Josh with Josh, who had the biggest case. I thought your case was big, by the way. Josh's case was, he was pulling it on like that. It was nearly bigger than him. It's insane. Right. I was like, this is, the, people are eyeing us up, like to, like, we're taking them on with, that, that, yeah. We wouldn't have stood a chance. There's four guys just, just in one corner trying to sell us cigarettes. And then, yeah, I don't know what it is. As soon as you're in a situation that, but you become such, I became such a pussy.

• 34:49Speaker 00

  I know, you can't help it. You just get all nervous.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  You want to get it? No, no, no, no, no. All right, I don't smoke. I, I used to smoke when I was younger. I used to smoke. I don't smoke anymore.

• 34:58Speaker 00

  Take the money anyway, but keep the fags.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, have my phone if you need it.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, it is bad. Um, and then when you get to the station, the station's.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Oh, the stations are pain in the arse.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  Shabba rank.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  I will say actually going through, there was a lot, three different passport controls you've got to go through to get out of there.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  Hmm. Um, we had some, uh.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  There were some biscuits, by the way, inside the, in the lounge. It was as good a biscuit as I've ever had in my life.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  Really?

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Speak to Josh. He was like.

• 35:27Speaker 00

  Did he have any?

• 35:28Speaker 01

  He had a couple. He at one point, and me and Josh are close, not as close as I am with you, obviously. Josh had to say to me, Tom, I don't think you can go out for more biscuits.

• 35:37Speaker 00

  How many did you have?

• 35:39Speaker 01

  I had four plates.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  Four plates and?

• 35:42Speaker 01

  No, like, and four, and say seven on each plate.

• 35:45Speaker 00

  Sorry, you had 28 biscuits?

• 35:47Speaker 01

  I know, I had 21 on my fourth go. Josh went.

• 35:50Speaker 00

  Oh, Josh said not to get the fourth.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  And Josh, Josh took quite a few back for his, you know, it was quite sweet for his, his wife. He wrapped them in a little tissue.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  They struggle to get biscuits in Exeter. Um, so.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  He, I found that a really sweet little thing.

• 36:02Speaker 00

  How did he say it to you to stop, not to go?

• 36:04Speaker 01

  He said, I don't think you can keep going up for biscuits.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  But you can. It's the lounge.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I was coming back and I was, cause also there was no other food there.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  I just don't believe you ate 21 biscuits.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Easy had that, yeah.

• 36:15Speaker 00

  How big were they?

• 36:16Speaker 01

  They're like that big.

• 36:17Speaker 00

  Oh, that's okay, fine.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. But I actually, Josh went up so far in Westmore, he enjoyed the biscuits so much. He, cause we were just saying how beautiful these biscuits were. He said, I need to take some back for Rose. So he went back and he, he got his little handkerchief out and he filled them full of biscuits.

• 36:33Speaker 00

  I had a little bit of a.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  That was really sweet.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  It is really sweet. And also when you see things like that, it does make you slightly reflect on.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Your behaviour.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, because for example, Rob got Lou a nice gift while we were out there.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  I mentioned it to Lisa, that Rob had done that. And so the way she looked at me, it wasn't even disappointment. It was sort of like, and of course you didn't get me anything. It was like that. It was like.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Really?

• 37:00Speaker 00

  You know?

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:01Speaker 00

  And I was like, oh, should I?

• 37:02Speaker 01

  I did get Catherine some stuff.

• 37:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You got Catherine some stuff from Nike, didn't you?

• 37:06Speaker 01

  I got some bits that she'd be like, yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  So, so, so of the four of us, is there any one person that went home completely empty handed?

• 37:13Speaker 01

  I would say that Josh has, Josh has picked up some fucking free biscuits. As much as I found it romantic.

• 37:21Speaker 00

  It's still, I still think.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Actually, the way that Josh Williams said it, it was actually the thing that I found really, out of all of the stuff, actually, the bag, the stuff I bought Catherine. It, it didn't cost, but it was the way he said how, how much we were enjoying the biscuits.

• 37:34Speaker 00

  His mind is immediately gone.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  Rose would like these biscuits.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  So lovely.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  So to me, I looked to Josh and went, that's actually a, that's a really nice gesture. Whereas like I went to, cause Catherine's been after these bits from Skims. I will say, by the way, I mean, I took a bit of a bear of, of everything in Paris. The Nike in Paris, it's the best Nike I've ever been to.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, he kept saying that. He said, I think, I'm not exaggerating when I say, I think that might be the 40th time I've heard you say that sentence.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  When I first saw Josh, when we first got there.

• 38:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  He came in and you do such a bit of Josh, I can't even get in the ballpark of Josh. Uh, he came in and he'd been out, um, taking photos of Paris. He's become a photographer.

• 38:14Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  So he comes in, he's been culturally, I mean, he had a prep for lunch, which, yeah. And he said, oh, where have, yeah, he said, where have you been? And I said, oh, have you seen the Nike? Yeah. And he went, what? And I walked in the Nike town, or Adidas, which I know that you didn't, but why three?

• 38:32Speaker 00

  No, I know. You told me about it. Yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  I was, yeah.

• 38:36Speaker 00

  I think you only mentioned that 23 times.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  I was blown away by that.

• 38:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know you were.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I kept, and you know, I, I can, I said to at least six or seven members of staff there, this is incredible. This, this is, this is the best Nike I've ever been to.

• 38:48Speaker 00

  What's so good about it?

• 38:50Speaker 01

  I think the clothing there was different. Also, there's just an atmosphere of just salve et bien in there. Do you know what I mean?

• 39:04Speaker 01

  I would sometimes wish, you know, you said about the kick, doing kick?

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Cause like, I was in Nike and there's a part of me that this is just who I am. There's also a part of me who realizes as I'm leaving, that was too much.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  When I spoke to a guy about some trainers, when he had them, I shook his hand and said, I've been after these. And we were literally to talk to you about them the day before.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're very excited.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then he had them. I said, oh, yeah. And then when I was paying for the stuff, I said, this is, this place is incredible. And the guy went, oh, thank you. I went, no, no, we have one of these in London. It's nowhere near as good. So I'm chatting to him, um, uh, and I, I was trying to use my French and, you know, merci beaucoup. Uh, and he said, oh yeah, I said, au revoir. And then I shook his hand and sort of waved as I left. And I could see him thinking, this guy's so happy.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  I kind of want to have a kick with me just to then watch it and go, cause when I look back at it, think, I want to be a little cooler in there. I want to be a little bit more whiskey.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  Why though? It's not sweet.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, but in my heart, I was, I was so full of happiness at that moment. I've got Catherine bits I wanted to, I've got me some bits I want, a little Gracie some stuff. I felt really happy in that moment. And then, but then I wanted to share that with someone. That's why I tried to get it back as quick as I could to share it with you. Uh, and then I'm sort of sharing it with, with people there and I'm just, but these aren't people who are ever gonna, I, but then I hope the way I go, cool. Remember that big guy I was in earlier? He felt like, what a moment for him.

• 40:27Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  But do you ever think like if you had kick with you, you could go, oh, okay, that wasn't bad. Oh God, I probably had to pull back from shaking hands with members of.

• 40:37Speaker 00

  Why would kick help you with that?

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Cause then you can see back everything, can't you?

• 40:40Speaker 00

  Oh, I see. Right, yeah. But you don't have to put it on kick. You just.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Well, just have someone film me.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  I, I've become addicted to watching people who kick.

• 40:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've been watching a lot of Bevo.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, Bevo, I know who you're talking about.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Here's the guy that had grief with recent, Sonny Reeves?

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  But also the, the.

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Why do I know of these people?

• 40:59Speaker 01

  But everyone just thinks sort of Bevo is such a twat.

• 41:02Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  That he, there's one, he's walking down the street and he sort of says, evening lads. And some guy's saying.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  I know, gives him a bit of abuse. I've not seen it.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  And, and then, but then he sort of tried, it's not even like he started, he's going,

• 41:17Speaker 01

  why do you have to say things like that? I'm just trying to earn a living.

• 41:20Speaker 00

  I know. Fuck me, bro. Something like that.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  Uh, right, Tom.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  He's not aging well, is he, Bevo?

• 41:27Speaker 00

  I think he's, I feel a bit sorry for him.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  I feel sorry for him, but he's not aging well.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  No.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  He, he doesn't, he doesn't look like he's, I, I, there's some part of me.

• 41:35Speaker 00

  I think he's stressed, mate. I think he's got high cortisol levels.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Cortisol going through the fucking roof. He's all, do you think there's a way that we could do like a sort of like intervention with Bevo?

• 41:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  I, I would like to see if like, there's a way of us, our positivity and how we are, if it could have an, it could have an impact on Bevo.

• 41:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, maybe. I think he's just too tied up in getting big on.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  On kick now.

• 41:57Speaker 00

  On whatever, yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  Do you think you could beat Bevo in a fight?

• 42:02Speaker 00

  No.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Really?

• 42:03Speaker 00

  Although he's got one, only one good arm, isn't he?

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:06Speaker 00

  So maybe. Um, Tom.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 00

  We always like to build up to a big crescendo before you do your bit.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:13Speaker 00

  And we've thrown in some Bevo chat.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 00

  Time for you to wrap us up, baby.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Flint Rock was the most positive man in the world. No matter what happens to Flint Rock, he would find a positive spin. Someone would shout, hey Flint, your car's been broken into. Just another day. I guess I'll get another car. Hey Flint, it's raining and you've left all your clothes on the washing line. That means they've been washed twice, I guess. Always seeing the positive. Trouble of always seeing the positive and always putting a sunny spin on things for old Flint Rock, meant that he was grinning the whole time. Always smiling. And even when other people's luck turned, oh God, you won't believe it, Flint Rock. I've just been dumped. Oh, plenty more fish in the sea.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  And not just fish, ladies as well, my friend. I'm gay Flint. Then you'll find a man. The truth of the matter was, no matter where Flint went, he always found he had to be positive. So Flint found a place where he could be negative on his own. He'd just sit there, not wanting anyone to see the cracks in Flint's spirit. So when he'd sit there at night, he'd go, Flint, you shilly billy. Why do you always try to be positive? You should learn every now and again to see things buried. You're an idiot, Flint. You are Flint Rock. He starts scratching himself and pinching himself.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  One day when Flint was in a shake shack, shack, in a milkshake, he passed over some change to the lady he'd ordered his favourite strawberry milkshake from. She said, oh, that's seven pounds fifty. He said, oh, there we go. His sleeve just rolled up just a little bit further than normal. And she saw a little pinch mark. She said, oh, Flint, are you okay? Someone pinched you?

• 44:12Speaker 01

  And Flint said, no, no, no, no, no, I pinched myself. And she said, Flint, why have you pinched yourself? He went,

• 44:21Speaker 01

  well, I'm always thinking positive. Like I was about to say, this is the best milkshake I've ever had. And she went, isn't it, Flint? He went, no, it's not. The strawberries on there is succulent and as strawberry-ish as they usually are and you've scrimped on the cream. And he felt a sense of relief. The lady said, oh, well, let me give you some more cream, Flint. She gave him some more cream and then Flint went on his way. And as he walked outside, it was raining. He went, oh, fuck it, it's raining. I haven't got an umbrella. And so I wore my...

• 44:54Speaker 01

  So I said, oh, you might as well wait in here, Flint. So Flint sat down and a lady came walking over and she said, oh, is this seat taken? He said, oh, yes. No, no. She sat down and said, oh, you're Flint Rock? He said, yes, mate, for my shins.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  She said, oh, is that a strawberry milkshake? That's my favourite flavour. He gave her a taste. He said, it's not as good as it usually is, but she enjoyed it. They chatted a while and he left with a phone number. As he made his way home, a puddle spread up and sprayed on his trousers and he went, yeah, you bloody bastard to the driver. He felt good about that. Later that night, he called the lady he met in the shake shack. And they had a chat and they had a laugh and ended up getting married and having three kids.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  I've jumped forward a little bit there. I usually would. Truth is that day, Flint Rock learnt a very important thing. He learnt that actually being positive and not saying how you truly feel can be as much of a pain as actually just saying how you feel. He learnt that if he'd gone out in the rain and pretended it was okay, he'd never have met the love of his life. See, keeping things okay and letting things sit right sometimes can be the worst thing of all. So don't be like Flint Rock. Don't lock it down. Sometimes let it out.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  Really good. Thank you. It's very rare that we get on this podcast a fifty fifty ratio of podcast chat to Tom's story. But we've managed it today. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 46:34Speaker 00

  We'll see you for the email special. Peace.