Humiliating Moments, Below Deck & Rasputin

What happened to Romesh at Radio 2 In The Park? In this episode of Wolf & Owl, Romesh and Tom look back at some of their most awkward moments in comedy, from disastrous panel show appearances to the realities of dealing with hecklers. Romesh goes into detail after revealing a particularly embarrassing and sticky situation at Radio 2 In The Park during an interview with Appleton and Deacon Blue. And Tom opens up about his recent increase in professional anxiety and the pressure of getting things right on TV. Plus, we have tales of airport and flying etiquette, Rasputin intrigue, Below Deck catch ups and some questionable celebrity role plays. Another week, another collection of embarrassing stories from the Wolf & Owl. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 00:43 A compliment for Tom 01:55 Romesh’s panel show mishap 05:45 Tom’s show panic story 08:43 Tom’s professional anxiety 09:55 Tom’s take on The Romesh Show 11:20 Revisiting foot golf 13:03 A message to the critics 14:38 A role play of Bradley Cooper & Romesh 19:25 Romesh had a heckler 21:24 Role-playing Tom on The Rest Is History 23:04 A Radio 2 in The Park horror story 34:10 Romesh’s Scottish flight drama 41:33 On Below Deck 47:29 Tom’s Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  It's time.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Yo, yo.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  For. The Wolf.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  And Al.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  And Al podcast in your ears and eyes and in your soul.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  In your sensory glands.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  In, mm, yeah, sure.

• 0:18Speaker 02

  Yo, yo, what you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's preferred. Just kidding, every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  How are you, Tom?

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Good fellow.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Good, good.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  You're looking good in the double denim, got the old Canadian tuxedo on.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Mate, that's how I roll.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:37Speaker 01

  This is my look now. It's, yeah, this is the cowboy, it's autumn, so cowboy Tom is here.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  Uh, might I take this opportunity to give you a small bouquet of flowers?

• 0:47Speaker 01

  What for?

• 0:48Speaker 00

  How you look in the gentleman.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Oh, wow, okay.

• 0:51Speaker 00

  Is, it's the most sexy I've ever seen.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Really?

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I've seen you sexy.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  I think, I, I think, I, I worry I was too thin at that point.

• 0:59Speaker 00

  Do you?

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I'm happier now, this.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, you look better now, sorry. It's the second most sexy I've seen you. That's the problem with paying compliments. And look, compliments can be a burden.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11Speaker 00

  Can't they?

• 1:11Speaker 01

  You can, you can, yeah.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  Because if, because if somebody says to you, you look really great.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16Speaker 00

  Then you go, well, they've never said that to me before.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  And now I've got to make sure that.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Heavy lifting, isn't it? But, but I was very, yeah, I, I've, I've had a lot of anxiety about the fact that those scenes wouldn't make it.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  It's not like you.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's my whole life. Getting the job's the easy part, it's, it's then.

• 1:33Speaker 00

  It's, do you think maybe you should trumpet about it less on your Instagram and stuff like, I remember like when, when you were filming, you were going, oh, there's a big dog in town.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I don't think, I think everyone's shocked because I haven't mentioned.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  No, you haven't mentioned it. And why would you, for that part?

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Pouty, yeah. Look at that line. Sorry, mate, do you know where all the manner is? Yeah, it's just down there, on the left.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  You know, I did, so, uh, years ago, I did, uh, I can't remember what the panel show was called, but it was just Channel 4 panel shows, when I'd really, really first started, right? And you know when they, you get eighty quid to go and turn up to a desk table, read through it, or like a, a, a test out of the thing? And it was, I, I think it was Richard Iwade, David Mitchell.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Mickey Flanagan, they were the regulars on it, right?

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Those are big hitters.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, big hitters. So I turned up.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  By the way, you surpass them all now.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  Don't say shit like that.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  No, that's what you say.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  What?

• 2:23Speaker 01

  You say a hero is only a hero until I'm stepping on them.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Yes, and with apologies to Chris Rock, Chappelle.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Richard Pryor.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  But you're coming for them.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  Sorry, guys.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  But you're coming for them.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  There's a new dog in town.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  Um, no, so I turned up to the read through.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  Like the tryout, and it just went really well for me, right?

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Crushed it.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  I didn't crush it, but it went well.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:51Speaker 00

  So then, they obviously had a dropout, and they've obviously been sat down going, shit, we've had, we had a last minute dropout, who should we get? What about that guy that came in and did, because I'd done nothing at that stage, so they go, oh, let's get him in.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  So crime?

• 3:04Speaker 00

  Oh, mate, please, I get, I still get PTSD about So Crime.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, but had you done So Crime?

• 3:09Speaker 00

  I don't, maybe, maybe.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 00

  But I don't think that was, I don't think anybody involved in my career was using up my old resume.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  That's the, that's the.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  What, I think what would more frequently happen is, the guy from So Crime, no.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  The cupboard guy.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  No, don't be so racist. That was a different brown comedian. That was Romesh Ronga, Nathan.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  There was nothing wrong about that guy on So Crime, he was hilarious.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  For the first time, and then for some reason they brought him out of the cupboard another three times.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  It's my family, innit?

• 3:43Speaker 00

  Anyway, so they, um, so they phoned me.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  And they go, can you do it? Like, but it was same day, so it must have been a proper last minute dropout. But anyway, regardless, amazing opportunity, I'm like, of course, I go down there and obviously, so all these big hitters, the guests, I can't even remember who the guests were. And then I walk out to this fuck, obviously, people are like, who the fuck is this, right?

• 4:06Speaker 01

  I've had that in not the so distant fu, that past.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'd be surprised if you had it in the distant future.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  No, yeah, I don't know, I think it could still happen.

• 4:13Speaker 00

  No, but sometimes I think that's in your head a little bit.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  But this was real.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  So I then walk out and nothing I say is hitting, right? Because, not, not just because I was the less, least well known, I was shit. I, I just sat down, I was like, fucking hell, I'm sitting next to Mickey Flan, you know, you're just completely flip out. So I'm shit, right?

• 4:33Speaker 01

  What's the show called?

• 4:34Speaker 00

  I can't remember, I'll have to look it up. Anyway, um, I do the show, walk out, they're all thanking me, but I think they're thanking me because we've managed to fill the chat.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  You got a body.

• 4:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. I leave and I think, and I'm trying, I'm racking my brains, because it was that thing where you say something, it goes shit, and then your arse goes, and then you build up the courage to say something else. By the end of it, I was doing stuff from my fucking Club Five, trying to, trying to, trying to crowbar that into the record somehow, because I'm so desperate, my brain's giving me absolutely nothing to say in the moment. So I'm like, I know what you're thinking. So anyway.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Why are you talking about being a vegan?

• 5:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh mate, so bad. And, um, so then the show comes out, I didn't watch it, but, well, it was, it was like, they tell me when it was going to come out. So I just said, like being self-deprecating, if you'd like to see me laughing at other comedians.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:25Speaker 00

  I'm going to be on this tonight, right? Anyway, somebody messaged me when it went out going, I thought you were joking. They literally just, I'm silent throughout the whole episode. There's, nothing I said made the edit.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  You joke, you what, not one line?

• 5:37Speaker 00

  No. So I'm just, basically employed to do this.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Can I say, you got, that was pretty much my whole fucking career on League of Their Own. I know I was there for more, more like, you know what, if we've got someone who doesn't feel like, Adam Peaty's coming on, he's not very funny, but you know who will laugh at any joke? Tom Davis. Tom Davis will make anyone try and feel funny.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, you know what I like about you, when you do self-deprecation, there's always another casualty. So you, you're being modest about yourself, but for no reason, completely apropos of nothing, Adam Peaty gets one straight in the fucking dick.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  I think, I think it's fair to say Adam Peaty's an incredible swimmer, but he's not necessarily a raconteur of great stories.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  Let's just say, he would not on the back of his football shirt have banter cannon one.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Do you know the worst version of that I did, um, and I hope he doesn't mind me telling it, but, um.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  Just go off instinct, I reckon, don't bother checking.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, but, no, it's nothing derogatory, but, did you ever do the Alan Carr's movie show?

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, something about movies, yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  So I was doing, we, we did that.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Tucked into a big old plate of shit on that show.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  And, uh, I think it was the first series maybe, but I was on a team, I think it was, was it Michael Sheen was one of the captains? And Sean Bean was the, the big guest, so you knew, you know, you get a week or whatever to go, Sean Bean's going to be the guest, so you're going to have the run up and nearly all your mater, material basically around Sean Bean. Um, and I turned up and Ivo Graham was there.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Um, who is one of my favourite comedians, I think Ivo is genuinely a genius. And I was like, oh, fuck, yeah, and he's like, I'm on standby, because they're not sure if Sean Bean's definitely going to come. And I was like, well, what happens if he doesn't? Like, everyone's material is about Sean Bean. And Ivo's genuinely one of the funniest comedians on the circuit touring, but it's a very big difference from Ivo Graham coming on and working your material around Ivo, rather than Sean. And Sean left it really late. So me, Ivo was in the makeup chair.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  And going, I don't know how to play this.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Like, it's a big movie star, or it's, yeah, Ivo Graham.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  Can we, um, just take a moment, a moment of silence for the two people that with that provocation got it in the dick in the two minutes that Tom's been speaking? R I P to both Adam Peaty and Ivo Graham. Who for no reason.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  I, no, but I, I, those, those, those shows are scandalously, like, if you're on standby.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  They're scandalous, it's a scandal.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  I, I had to do it once. I didn't stand, I can't, it was a Greg, Greg James one, I think?

• 8:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, was it the roundup thing?

• 8:15Speaker 01

  It was, no, it was Greg James, uh, no, this is years ago, and the caps, Tim Cat's was a pixie lot an example.

• 8:22Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  And Joe, I think Joe, sorry, sorry, that's the Joe.

• 8:26Speaker 00

  You might as well go for a third one. Why say a piece of shit?

• 8:29Speaker 01

  No, he pulled it out, the day off, and I stepped in, and that was, that was, I came onto silence, and I struggled the shit out of that.

• 8:36Speaker 00

  Struggled the shit out of it.

• 8:37Speaker 03

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• 9:03Speaker 04

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• 9:33Speaker 00

  How's life treating you generally then?

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Good, yeah, good. I feel good. I mean, I've had one of those weeks where-

• 9:39Speaker 00

  Very busy week.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, but professionally very anxiety, a lot of anxiety professionally. You know, when you feel like you're almost making yourself ill with worry.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  And yeah, I've spent most of this week just going, to the point Catherine's had to do like a sort of steward's inquiry. And it's pulled me up and go like, you're actually, I can see you're making yourself quite unwell with the level of pressure and anxiety you're putting yourself under.

• 10:05Speaker 00

  I've, you know, the thing is, and we've said it a lot, the worst thing about this job is that the stuff you do has to be released to the public. Like actually making the stuff and doing the stuff is really good fun.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  But when you have to, when it's, and that is, uh, part of the, that is what the vulnerability is of being a creative, right? Is that you put your stuff out and then it's open to everybody's interpretation.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  It's also just so fucking shallowly, if it's received very well, you almost forget any of the angst that's gone into the worry.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  And then you, you lose your-

• 10:38Speaker 00

  I can't, in that regard, I can't speak from experience.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  You've done some, you've made some incredible television and tour shows. And your new podcast is phenomenal. By the way, can I just shout out the Ray Winstone episode of the Romesh Ranganathan show?

• 10:52Speaker 00

  You like that?

• 10:53Speaker 01

  It's beautiful. They're all, I love them all. But that one was, I, do you know what? I think it's one of my best interviews I've ever seen Ray given.

• 10:59Speaker 00

  Wow, that's-

• 11:00Speaker 01

  He was so chilled.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  He was very chilled actually, yeah.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  I just loved it. I've always, yeah.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  A lot of people, a few people suggested that I was scared of him.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  No.

• 11:08Speaker 00

  That he, um-

• 11:09Speaker 01

  You don't get some, you, you, you, I don't think you're-

• 11:11Speaker 00

  I'm scared of fucking anyone.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  No, but you, you genuinely carry the, the hold of a man I can't imagine being scared of many things. I've seen you in actually in situations where it's got quite testy and you never struck me as being scared. Pissed off, yes.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  Pissed off, yes.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Perturbed, without a doubt.

• 11:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, rattled?

• 11:28Speaker 01

  No, no, I wouldn't say, you always feel like you're-

• 11:31Speaker 00

  Disappointed, for sure.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  I'm gonna go out on one here.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  You're gonna go out on one here?

• 11:36Speaker 01

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna say you would be an incredible person to have in the trenches. If you were in the Second World War. I think-

• 11:42Speaker 00

  To go out first?

• 11:43Speaker 01

  No, yeah, because I think you'd come back and it would be fucking actually a shit show.

• 11:47Speaker 00

  What side is he on?

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Everyone is buying machine guns, there's grenades and fucking mines going off and you come down and everyone will go, how is it out there, Ranganathan? And you, oh, it's all right actually, weather's, weather's all right, picking up, it's a bit cloudy.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, just tell me one thing, you're not the sniper, eh?

• 12:07Speaker 01

  But I think, I think you've got an error. I don't think you have a rattledness about you.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  Um-

• 12:11Speaker 01

  Good captain in a football team, apart from your lack of football inability.

• 12:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Although a lot of people have been messaging me, this is something that's annoyed me, about the foot golf thing. So loads of, so Romesh would destroy you at foot golf, even with sliders on.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  No, no chance.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Are you fucking mad?

• 12:26Speaker 00

  No chance. Listen, I, I have, I've seen you have a little bit of a kickabout. And you've got skills.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  I can play a little bit, but-

• 12:33Speaker 00

  You're better than me. I'm a fu- guys, has anybody seen Robin Romesh versus Three Lions? Like fucking, I think Declan Rice shouted, you're having a shocker. Declan Rice, one of the nicest-

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Kindest footballers.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  One of the nicest people in football.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:48Speaker 00

  Might have been Grealish over, which is more in keeping, isn't it?

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, Grealish, yeah. I love Jack Grealish.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know you do.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  It smells of Bril Cream and Hope.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  Don't try material out on me on the podcast, all right? This is supposed to be loose chat. I don't want to hear your fucking openers from the tour.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  I've got 20 minutes of Jack Grealish looking, yeah.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  So, uh, you, I assume you guys know Drac Grealish?

• 13:11Speaker 01

  Woo, get up.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Here's the thing, fun fact about it, he smells of Bril Cream and Hope. Pools for laugh.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Do you know what would be genius? He's doing that with your pools for laugh.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  What about those calves? What is he, a human being or a, or a lion?

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Or a lion. Famous for having fucking massive calves.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Well, that's got to be an elephant, rhino.

• 13:38Speaker 00

  I, I couldn't tell you what an ele- elephants don't look like. They've got, I mean, they have got calves, but do you know what I mean?

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, elephants have got-

• 13:44Speaker 00

  If you go, it looks like an elephant's calf, they think that, people are assuming me'm a baby elephant, because that's what they're called.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Really?

• 13:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  So what, I'm trying to think of an animal I've seen-

• 13:54Speaker 00

  I feel like sometimes the conversation really spins my-

• 13:57Speaker 01

  By the way, we got criticised the other day.

• 13:59Speaker 00

  For what?

• 13:59Speaker 01

  One guy really went in about our discussion on soup.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  Why?

• 14:02Speaker 01

  He said it was a real low level chat.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  Was it?

• 14:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 00

  Um, I'm so sorry that you were permanently locked into the podcast against your will. You fucking mug. If you don't like the chat, listen to something else, you fucking helmet.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  I feel like such a Nelson, I feel like Nelson Muntz, by the way, when you were doing that. I just like, I really felt it.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  No, but I, no, listen, the soup, this, this podcast varies in quality.

• 14:31Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 14:31Speaker 00

  And I, it goes from like really shit and occasionally when we're, when we're both hydrated and we've had enough sleep, it gets mediocre.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 00

  And people accept that. It's a rocky old road here on, rocky old road here on the water.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  I think, I mean, if we can get words out properly.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  And by the way, sorry, can I just, the other thing I could say is we've talked in detail about Tom eating lasagna from my arsecrack. Right? Like, we've talked about fucking finishing a piss in your trousers and that was the fucking breaking point for you, the soup chat.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, the soup chat he got really angry about.

• 15:08Speaker 00

  Um, that's a shame. In all seriousness, obviously I'm being facetious. People sometimes take me at face value when I do stuff like that.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:16Speaker 00

  They think I'm a really, I'm a really horrible man.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, but haven't you, you've had this recently?

• 15:20Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 15:21Speaker 01

  Well, like gigs and stuff.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  I was doing, sorry, are you, are you, I feel like I'm on nought and you're teeing me up for an anecdote?

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I-

• 15:28Speaker 00

  Sorry, but still, uh-

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Do you want me to do it like a tour?

• 15:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, go, go, go.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Right, I'll do a little bit before, because I don't wanna, yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 00

  But, no, I know why you'll do a little bit before, because you're a fucking attention-seeking little bitch. And what's gonna happen is you're gonna start being the host and the fucking guest and I'll sit here like a passenger, like I do in about 50% of the role plays. Where you go, okay, you be, you be this person, I'll be this person. And then suddenly three other characters spring out of nowhere. And then I'm watching this whole fucking play out in front of me. Anyway, go on.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  So Bradley, one of my favourite things about your film-

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Why am I Bradley?

• 16:00Speaker 01

  No, Bradley Cooper.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Oh, right, because there's another character immediately.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  No, because that's what I do on a show. So Brad, unless you wanna be Bradley Cooper?

• 16:07Speaker 00

  No.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  You sure?

• 16:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Okay. So Bradley, one of my favourite things about your film is the nuance that you show and the indifference that you look, um-

• 16:15Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ.

• 16:21Speaker 00

  The indifference that you look.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Upon the world in, in the part you play, you direct-

• 16:26Speaker 00

  The indifference that you look upon the world. So if I, even if I was on the cat, I'd say, sorry.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Just do what you do.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Okay, sorry, Tom, could I just ask?

• 16:33Speaker 01

  No, no, I'm about someone else.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Pardon? Oh, who are you?

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Graham.

• 16:35Speaker 00

  Okay, so, sorry Graham.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 16:37Speaker 00

  I'm just gonna speak on behalf of Bradley here. I don't think either of us know what that question means.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  You okay?

• 16:43Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Are you okay? This is Bradley now. You okay? Everything all right?

• 16:46Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, yes.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  The question was directed at me.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Okay, sorry Bradley. Go ahead.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Sorry, what were you saying?

• 16:51Speaker 00

  So do tell us about the indifference that you look in, yeah. Good luck.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Such a, it's such a flippant and disregarding way of looking upon things, but it's so amusing. Um, actually someone else who makes a lot of people laugh is the man to your left, uh, Romesh Ranganathan. Now, Romesh, people take you as being a little bit curt at times. Uh, and you've had a recent couple of run-ins with people, which, uh, the research team here found hilarious when you told them.

• 17:18Speaker 00

  Um, Graham, interesting choice to involve the research team in the question. Can I first say that? Not many chat show hosts let people behind the curtain in that manner, but thank you. Um, yeah, I, I, um, I, I, I was doing a gig at Walton on Thames.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Oh man, I know Walton on Thames, huh? Bradley pleased that Romesh had his moment.

• 17:43Speaker 00

  So I was doing a show at Walton on Thames and, um, basically I, I was very early on in the show and, are you okay?

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, sorry. I, I had, um, the candy kitten that was half chewed and it was in the side of my mouth and I just wanted it.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  Okay, will that all stay in?

• 18:03Speaker 01

  We will probably cut around that.

• 18:04Speaker 00

  Okay, fine. Um, you did it again, you all right?

• 18:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, no.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  Do you want some water?

• 18:08Speaker 01

  No, I'll have some in a minute. They told me this anecdote would be quick, so we've got to get back to-

• 18:12Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, I've literally, I've said half a sentence.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, we need to get back to Bradley because he's the main guest.

• 18:17Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm happy for you to go-

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Your PR team insisted on you being on.

• 18:21Speaker 00

  I'm happy for you to go back. Are you okay? That's three times now.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  So do you want to finish your?

• 18:27Speaker 00

  Not really, no. If you're gonna be a-

• 18:29Speaker 01

  So you're, I'll, I'll lead you. So you're on Walton on Thames?

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Have you just done an offstage note? We're on-

• 18:37Speaker 01

  So you're on Walton on Thames and-

• 18:40Speaker 00

  I imagine at the BBC, when they watch this, they'll be thinking, oh my god.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  You know Claudia stopped. I've got some great news. Watch this guy in action.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  So, so you're on Walton on Thames?

• 18:51Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  And so this hilarious thing happens?

• 18:54Speaker 00

  It wasn't hilarious actually.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  So basically what happened was is that I was quite early on, I was quite early on in the show. Are you sure you're all right, Graham?

• 19:04Speaker 01

  I think I'm fine.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  I don't mind stopping. Do you want to have a bit of your tea?

• 19:06Speaker 01

  I'll have some in a minute.

• 19:07Speaker 00

  Okay. So I'm in the middle, I'm quite early on in the show.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Oh god, really? I'm sorry, they'll cut away from me for some parts of this.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Okay, but you don't have to make any noise at all, do you?

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  So, and I'm in the middle of a bit and somebody shouted something.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Oh man, hecklers. I, I did a movie actually about stand-up comedy, uh, about your friend John Bishop, uh, his life with Will Arnett.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  Not my friend.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  And hecklers, god, they sound terrible. What happened, bro?

• 19:34Speaker 00

  Well, it's-

• 19:34Speaker 01

  By the way, Bradley, that's very good of you to, to let Romesh encourage him in such ways, a little bit more inexperienced than you. That was really nice. Thank you, Bradley. I like it. Nice when everyone gets on.

• 19:43Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  Is the patronising a new feature of the show?

• 19:49Speaker 01

  No, we've always done it behind the scenes.

• 19:51Speaker 00

  Right, right, right. Um, anyway, somebody heckled and I was too harsh on them. I told them to shut the-

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Well, I think we kind of wanna know, what did you say?

• 19:59Speaker 00

  Um, shut the fuck up, you-

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Bradley.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  When you made Hangover.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  That pause was so good. Um, yeah, no, I, I, I had a heckler the other night and I went, I basically. What happened was I walked out, you're doing work in progress. I put my notebook on the thing and then I start doing the thing and about 10 minutes in. And I say something and I do a, I pause.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 20:33Speaker 00

  And somebody shout. So you know, this build up attention. I know I'm making it sound more complicated than it is. Like I, I think it's, anyway, you build up a bit of tension and then this guy punctures it by shouting something out. And so it's so early on in the show. Then I think to myself, well, I could deal with this like and make it and be funny about it.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  And amicable.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  But then everybody, it's quite an intimate room. And then I think I'm going to, I'm going to spend the whole time fielding. So. When I started teaching, somebody said to me, this old school teacher, I think I've told you this. He said, if you want the cast to behave, he goes, early on, if somebody does anything, you just absolutely go for them.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  No, that's called the Napoleon mood.

• 21:10Speaker 00

  Is that right?

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Napoleon Bonaparte, the old army.

• 21:14Speaker 00

  Thanks for giving me the surname. I was thinking which of the Napoleons, because I, I, I thought it was the Napole- Napoleon Dynamite move.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  But it's, it's Bonaparte. Okay.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  He, he did a thing where he would pick out one of his squadron. And he'd absolutely fuck it. Like they'd do something like, you know, they'd drop their rifle or sword or whatever. And he'd absolutely smash them to bits. So he was the originator of that whole.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  I don't know. S- sometimes I don't know if you're a real person.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 21:40Speaker 00

  Well, because the same person. That uses amicable instead of admirable, has just given me a fact about Napoleon Bonaparte. You're such a, you're an enigma wrapped up in a puzzle wrapped up in a fucking.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  History I quite enjoy. Spelling and words, I think are fucking bullshit.

• 21:55Speaker 00

  What's your favourite period from history?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Probably Rasputin.

• 21:58Speaker 00

  Rasputin? What about Rasputin?

• 22:00Speaker 01

  I think that time with the Tsars and Rasputin was fascinating.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  Why do you find that so interesting?

• 22:04Speaker 01

  Well, I think that he was just a very interesting sort of Machiavellian character. Within the history and the sort of use of power and this.

• 22:11Speaker 00

  Have you thought about doing a history podcast?

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Well, there's.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  There's no big ones out there at the moment.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  It's very successful ones. Uh.

• 22:18Speaker 00

  I'd love it if you were a guest on The Rest is History.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Oh my God, can you imagine?

• 22:22Speaker 00

  Uh, and Tom, you, you, you've come in to talk about, uh.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Rasputin.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  Rasputin, yeah. So if you could just give us, we obviously started setting the scene for, for what was going on over there, but could you just give us your kind of, if you were to give us a hot take on Rasputin?

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Oh God, what a piece of work. A real scoundrel, mate. Um, he was a bit like an old sort of skank, like a sort of smelly old.

• 22:42Speaker 00

  Sort of skank?

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Like a vagrant.

• 22:45Speaker 00

  Right.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  Like sort of smelt a bit and stuff, but he was also very manipulative and could get into people's ears. Uh, and he worked his way up. He started on like, I think, working on pub landlords and police people. And then sort of slowly worked up until he was working for the Tsars. Uh, who had like the royal family at that time, if you didn't know, of Russia.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  Um, what, where is it that it talks about? Where did you find the stuff about him working on pub landlords early on?

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Uh, well, a lot of that's just may sayers and, uh.

• 23:13Speaker 00

  Sorry, God.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  That's just a lot of hearsay. If you, if you could just do the maths and just work around it.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Do the maths?

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, you've got to say that you don't, you know, your first Tommy Kickerball isn't in the Premier League. You know, you, you, you run the marshes before you do that, mate. So that's, that's not anything even manipulation. So you tried it out on other people with his manipulative ways. Do you know, he'd never cut his hair or his fingernails or his toenails.

• 23:35Speaker 00

  Is that right?

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Hundred percent. Right.

• 23:41Speaker 00

  Great. Well, thank you so much, Tom, for coming on The Rest is History. Uh, look forward to seeing you.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me, Richard Osman.

• 23:47Speaker 00

  Tom will also be on The Rest is Entertainment and The Rest is Science. So make sure you check about on those two.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Yep. And I'll be talking about exactly the same thing. Rasputin.

• 23:59Speaker 04

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• 24:58Speaker 00

  Can I tell you something horrible happened to me?

• 25:01Speaker 01

  What, worse than a heckler?

• 25:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Oh, well, okay.

• 25:05Speaker 00

  Not like, not horri- when I say horrible, that sounds like it was a real ordeal, but it was a sort of ordeal, but a lighthearted one. So I had to do Radio Two, I went to do Radio Two in the Park.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  I saw you leaping about on stage.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  Embarrassing, isn't it?

• 25:19Speaker 00

  That means yes, doesn't it?

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Look, do you want me to be?

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  It's, it's a version of you that I find delightful. It's a thing of everything you do online. It's a bit that I know forced enjoyment is very much something I know that some, you've had to watch someone else, Jeremy Vine, maybe.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  So fun. And then someone's gone, well, you've really got to give it. They're pumped up and they're waiting for you, mate. So you've had to go out and do jump around and you've really got to throw yourself into it. Cause you haven't got an option. You can't, because my, I'll be candid. You doing this is my favourite version of you. It makes me laugh. I'd still, after all the years we've been friends. Still think it's almost a like, I don't know, you're like a good footballer. You come in at me, we train every day together, right? You're a bit like, I'm, I'm probably Gabrielle, you're Odegaard. I still don't know if you're going to go with your right or left when you drop a shoulder. I still think this guy's got everything in his locker. So it's, because I think that's how brilliant I think you are. So when I see you having to sprint onto the stage and go, ladies and gentlemen, hey, hey.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  I still find something so beautiful. It's like when, it takes me back to the Bacardi breather effort.

• 26:29Speaker 00

  Anyway, it was a lot, a lot of fun.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Bopping about on your toes.

• 26:33Speaker 00

  Um, I was doing the, I was doing the.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  The main stage?

• 26:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. No, I wasn't in the main stage. That was the DJ tent. No. But before that.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  What was the main stage? Oh, um.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  Simple Minds, right. Deacon Blue.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 26:47Speaker 00

  Level 42. I love Level 42.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  They're amazing.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  I love Simple Minds.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  Deacon Blue. Anyway, point is, I do three hour radio show from Radio Two in the Park with Sarah Cox. Lovely Sarah Cox. Loves the war for now, by the way.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  We love Sarah Cox. By the way, can I say Sarah Cox manages to walk the line where she's not bouncing about on stage? So fun. She does it with a sort of air of dignity.

• 27:09Speaker 00

  Well, I, I like, um, I, I'm very happy for you to go in two footed on me. The only thing I would say as a counter to that is me bouncing up and down to jump around is exactly what me and Martin do when we're doing. Latchy or something like that. So for you to insinuate in the way that I think you are.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  I watched that with the sound on.

• 27:27Speaker 00

  That I'm selling myself out.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Can I say, I watched that with that sound on. So in my head, it was steps or it was reach for the sky.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  Jump around is my favourite underground hip hop tune.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  It's a beautiful dream.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  No, it's a dream. Um, anyway. We're doing, we do the first hour and a half with Sarah. We're sat in the studio, waving at people outside. Appleton come in, right? And we do an interview with them.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  The Appleton Sisters?

• 27:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  What's it called? Is that a band called?

• 27:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. Do an interview with them. We then cross over.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  How do they get on with the other members of All Saints now?

• 27:57Speaker 00

  Well, if you want to know, um, not at all.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Oh, they don't get on?

• 28:02Speaker 00

  No.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Oh, sad.

• 28:03Speaker 00

  We then throw across to Deacon Blue.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  I go, I'm just going to nip to the toilet.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 28:09Speaker 00

  Open the toilet door. I've got the biggest bat in the cave I've ever seen in the history of bats in the cave.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  And I've had that, and I've got no idea how long that has been nesting.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  So what the Apple.

• 28:22Speaker 00

  So then what, what happens is immediately, you know, obviously I get rid of it and then.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Do you pick or blow?

• 28:27Speaker 00

  I grabbed a tissue and.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  And then I'm thinking back to how many social interactions I've had since I'm last certain I didn't have a bat in the cave.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  So where did you last?

• 28:38Speaker 00

  Quite a long time. I've been sitting in the studio for two and a half hours.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  Horrible, isn't it?

• 28:43Speaker 01

  And you're not a big mirror looker, are you?

• 28:45Speaker 00

  I'm not when I'm on the radio, no.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  No, no, no. But I mean, like, you're not.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  Generally, no.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're not like checking yourself out. You're not vain.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  No.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Oh, mate.

• 28:54Speaker 00

  That's bad, isn't it?

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Do you think Coxey or someone saw it?

• 28:57Speaker 00

  The only assumption I've made is that everyone saw it and I assume that when I.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  I think, by the way, I think Sarah Cox, if she'd seen it, she would tell you.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  I think I went to the toilet. I went, I think I went to the toilet and they all went. Fuck it. Now hopefully, hopefully I'll get rid of that.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Bogey, Bogey's coming back. Bogey, Bogey, Nathan.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  Could you even, could you even focus in the chat because of that fucking thing swinging like a pendulum around us?

• 29:19Speaker 01

  We just said we hated the rest of All Saints because all we could concentrate is that fucking bogey hanging out of his, the booger. Can I say Grace has got a new habit?

• 29:26Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 29:27Speaker 01

  Wiping her bogeys on things.

• 29:28Speaker 00

  Oh no.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  We're like, we've been out recently. She's, we're at the Natural History Museum and I'm watching her like a man marker in a football game. Making she doesn't like wipe a bogey on some.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  Does it make you angry that she's obviously, I don't, you know, I don't know if people know, but she obviously picked that up from Catherine. So does that, do you find that annoying?

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, because Catherine, yeah, Catherine's a beautiful woman, but that's her one, yeah, hindrance is she's always picking her nose.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  Her nickname at school was K Boogie, wasn't it?

• 29:54Speaker 01

  K Boogie.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  The bug boy stuff.

• 29:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  So, hold up. So, did you get back and say anything? By the way, can I say, I did something about that. I saw a friend of mine, we were walking down the street, a friend of mine of Catherine's, and she had something on it, like a smear on her face.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Right.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  I saw her, I said hello, and then I went, well, there's something, she was popping into Gail's to meet Catherine's. I said, oh, there's a smear on your face, something on your face. And I got rid of it.

• 30:17Speaker 00

  You got rid of it?

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. And she said, oh, thank you. And I was genuinely, I felt like, I wasn't gonna say anything, so I know her well, but I was like, is this? But then I thought, if she walks in, sees someone else she knows, and that's there, then it'll, she'll go, why didn't you just say?

• 30:30Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, look.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  So, do you think, did no one say, oh, you got rid of that bogey?

• 30:35Speaker 00

  No, no. I debated, here's a question for you, would you have said something when you went back into the studio?

• 30:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd have gone, by the way, thanks to everyone for the, um, not telling me about putting a great bogey hanging out my nose. I'd go, what bogey? And go, this guy, this guy. You're great at doing that, by the way.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  Doing what?

• 30:52Speaker 01

  You, you've told me a few times, you've gone.

• 30:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  You picked it up and said.

• 30:56Speaker 00

  Hmm. And that time at, um, the King Gary Rap Party, when you were getting a bit handsy, I called you up on it, didn't I?

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:05Speaker 00

  I said, Tom.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  And apologies, I shouldn't have touched Simon Day in that way.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  He didn't mind it, though, to be fair to.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Bless him, and he always had a bogey hanging out of his nose.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, constantly. But now I'm thinking, that's probably the only time I'll ever talk to Appleton. So a hundred percent of the time that I've spoken to Appleton, I've had a big.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  No, I think he'll say Appleton again.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  What are they singing? Have they got their own new songs?

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, they have brought out a new, I think, brought out a new EP.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  What, what sort of music is it?

• 31:30Speaker 00

  Uh, kinda like All Saints.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Are they, were they, did they sing about them?

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  All Saints.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  I, I'm amazed that this is the thing that you're doing the biggest deep dive on out of this story that I'm telling you.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Why?

• 31:42Speaker 00

  Well, well, I'm telling about this bogey batting the cave thing, and you're just fucking fascinated about Appleton.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  No, I've not, I've not thought about it.

• 31:47Speaker 00

  Do they get on with the rest of the band? What kind of music are they doing? Have they got new stuff coming out? What the fuck's going on?

• 31:52Speaker 01

  I was like, the Appleton sisters.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, fine. Fucking do a Google afterwards.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Why? When your best friends just chat to them? That's literally like.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  Well, they won't speak to me again, and I bet they, look, look.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, by the way, rumours like that spread amongst.

• 32:06Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:08Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  And that would end just.

• 32:09Speaker 00

  What was that? A hundred percent.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  That'll lean into your whole hygiene.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Did you, why did you have such a big bogey? Did you?

• 32:17Speaker 00

  Why did I have such a big bogey? Do you know what? I was travelling up to Scotland, and I thought, wouldn't it be cool? If for the first half of the show, I had a big bogey. What the fuck do you think?

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Have you had a cold or?

• 32:28Speaker 00

  I didn't think I had a cold, but.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Is it, was it dry crusty or was it heavyweight?

• 32:32Speaker 00

  Please, mate, this is making the soup seem like a creative high point for us. You're asking for the level of fucking humidity in the booger.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  Dry.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, there we go. That's plain, that's a plain bogey.

• 32:46Speaker 00

  Okay. Anyway, I, I found it, it sent me into a mini spiral.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  Okay. And then, how was Coxey when you got back and you burned your nose?

• 32:54Speaker 00

  Coxey was a delight the whole way through.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  Cool. She's a class, she's probably worked with people, bogies hanging out her nose all the time.

• 33:00Speaker 00

  I know, but I don't want to be one of those people. And I was on set.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  Have you ever gigged when you know that you can feel the bogies in your nose, and then you wanna pick it?

• 33:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  You can't pick your nose.

• 33:09Speaker 00

  I had a, I had a thing where, um, I was on stage and a, a woman was like, if you imagine I'm stood up there, a woman was just like this.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  Like that, for the first, and I'm just thinking, well, this looks like, is my, I'm looking down, I can't see anything. Yeah, my fly's undone, or it's like, is this weird? Or it's like my t-shirt too tight or whatever. And then, um, eventually I had to stop the show. I went, sorry, you keep looking over here. And like, looking like concerned, what's the deal? And she goes, your shoelace is about, is sort of undone, and I'm worried that you're gonna fall over.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 33:43Speaker 00

  And I was just, I was like.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  See, that, that's on her to be so obsessed with your shoelace. I mean, that's the sort of thing I'd probably do, but so obsessed with your shoelaces.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  Well, she was sat in the front row, so I guess my foot's just like.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  I had a bad one recently, where I was so excited, you know, when I get into a joke bit, I, I was really like, and.

• 34:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, cause you do, I don't know, people that haven't seen you on tour, they don't know this, but when you're about to do a joke, you sort of go.

• 34:08Speaker 00

  You get really excited, don't you?

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wish that was a joke. No, but when I get, and some spit all came out.

• 34:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  And I swallowed the spit for the corner of my eye, and it landed on this guy's face. And I was like, oh no. And he genuinely went. And then he tried to sort of pretend it didn't happen, and I sort of carried on for a matter of sort of.

• 34:28Speaker 00

  How big a bit of spit were you talking?

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Like a decent, like a decent size, I could see it in the dark.

• 34:33Speaker 00

  Viscosity?

• 34:34Speaker 01

  What do you mean? What's that mean?

• 34:35Speaker 00

  How liquidy was it?

• 34:37Speaker 01

  I don't know, it was phlegmy. I get quite a dry mouth when I'm on stage, so yeah, it was sort of, it wasn't, yeah, it was like.

• 34:44Speaker 00

  Look, I don't like fucking get a loogie together now.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  I was gonna show you.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  I don't wanna, don't fucking show me any, are you serious?

• 34:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's why.

• 34:52Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ, man, are you being serious? Is that what you're about to do?

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:55Speaker 00

  Do not do that, man.

• 34:59Speaker 00

  What's wrong with you?

• 35:00Speaker 01

  You're after.

• 35:01Speaker 00

  No, I just, to be honest with you, I was just asking a question as a kind of callback to what you said about the bogey. I don't want, I certainly didn't want you to fucking hock one up onto your tongue and show me. You mad?

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Sorry, that's what I thought we were at.

• 35:15Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just thought, instead of trying to explain it.

• 35:17Speaker 00

  Show me after.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Right. And it hit him, but he, he was so polite, he didn't wanna say, yeah, like that. And then I sort of carried on for a moment. And I sort of turned around and said, yeah, did that spit hit you? And he went, yep, yeah. I went, I'm so sorry.

• 35:31Speaker 00

  Did he say yep like that?

• 35:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:32Speaker 00

  That's bad, man. That's bad.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  He, he would have gone away worrying, wouldn't he?

• 35:36Speaker 00

  Cause some people are like proper germaphobes.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, if you're a germaphobe, I'd say don't sit in a fuck, fuck three rows of Tom Davis's show.

• 35:44Speaker 00

  If you go and see Tom, it's like Sea World.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Where were those ponchos?

• 35:48Speaker 00

  Splash zone.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  We should actually do, I should sell those ponchos as merch before the show. That'd be a fucking college.

• 35:53Speaker 00

  Don't get gobbed on by the Tom.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  Okay, uh, dinner, shout out front.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  Spud gob. Yeah, selling some ponchos, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  What else has been going on in your life?

• 36:06Speaker 00

  Um, I was accidentally, I accidentally was cool, actually, on the way to Scotland.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Wow. What happened? Something cool and sexual cool?

• 36:14Speaker 00

  I wish I hadn't opened this story. I keep having immediate regrets for the way I say stuff.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like that. But you're accidentally cool, all right? If, if it was accidental.

• 36:21Speaker 00

  No, but.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  I think you're very cool anyway.

• 36:23Speaker 00

  No, thanks. But I had like a thing where, so normally, when I'm travelling.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  If I'm going abroad, I get a bit funky about turning up to the airport on, like, early.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  I turn up probably too early, is the truth.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that's not a bad thing. That's not a bad truth.

• 36:36Speaker 00

  No, but then you're just, then it's like, fucking, then you're.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  By the way, airports, there's lots to do.

• 36:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  If you're rich like you, you can go to all the shops.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I could spend an hour and a half in Shanghai.

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, is it, is it hard being on the breadline, Mister In The Gentleman and Reluctant Vampire and on tour? Is it difficult? Making ends meet? Mister Sauna in the garden? Is it tricky?

• 37:00Speaker 01

  We've got lots to do. In the garden at the moment, squirrels running, running amok.

• 37:03Speaker 00

  Mate, the squ-, mate, there's so many grey squirrels.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Mate, they've become so brazen.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  Stop the boats. There, there's so many of them. And they're immigrants.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  And they're, are they?

• 37:13Speaker 00

  Children of immigration. Grey squirrels, yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  What, what is our natural squirrels?

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Do you know what?

• 37:19Speaker 01

  The red squirrel.

• 37:19Speaker 00

  The red squirrel. And the red squirrel, you know what they didn't do? They didn't fucking protest at the hotels, they didn't paint the roundabouts, and now look at them.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  Have they?

• 37:27Speaker 00

  They've been fucking taken over by the grey squirrel population. When's the last time you saw a grey, red squirrel, my friend?

• 37:33Speaker 01

  I can't even remember.

• 37:33Speaker 00

  Exactly. And that's what's happening in this country. No, but that's true. A grey squirrel's a North American.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  They're so brazen. They don't, they're coming to the window now and just staring like, what are you up to?

• 37:45Speaker 00

  Tom does a knock.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  Are you joking?

• 37:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  So go, you're accidentally cool.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  Oh, so.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Is this involving air hostess?

• 37:56Speaker 00

  No.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:58Speaker 00

  Um, but I, uh, I was flying with EasyJet.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:03Speaker 00

  Um, to Edinburgh.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Nice, good flight, time flight.

• 38:06Speaker 00

  So my flight's at seven forty-five.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  In the morning?

• 38:09Speaker 00

  Correct.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 38:10Speaker 00

  From Gatwick.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:11Speaker 00

  So that's great news for me.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Great.

• 38:13Speaker 00

  Cause I live ten minutes away from it.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  So you can, what time are you getting there?

• 38:16Speaker 00

  Well, that's the question I was gonna ask you.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  No, no, I, no, if I'm you, what, you're going for the day? You're flying back there and back in the day?

• 38:22Speaker 00

  Yeah. So what time would you get to the airport?

• 38:24Speaker 01

  Six forty-five?

• 38:25Speaker 00

  That's what time you'd get there?

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Okay. So that's what time I got there.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 38:29Speaker 00

  I got there at six fifty.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Carry on only.

• 38:31Speaker 00

  Carry on only.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 00

  I go through.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 00

  Get through to, uh, departure, to the airside.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  Look on the screen, head to gate, gate closing.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Nice. That is a fucking cool move.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  I walk to the thing, I get to the counter, she says to me, everyone else is on the plane.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 38:50Speaker 00

  I'm the last one on. Not trying to be cool, not leaving it for the last minute.

• 38:54Speaker 01

  I always think, that's not as cool as you think it is.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  No.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  Cause when you get on in your last one air, everyone's like, oh, he comes.

• 39:00Speaker 00

  Don't get me wrong, everyone's pissed off. No, no.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  But it's more like, oh, okay.

• 39:04Speaker 00

  What do you mean, oh, okay?

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Big noises, yeah. Like you've waited, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just knowing I'm, everyone else is on, give me a little treat. A ranga man walking up the aisle. Hey, buddy, you all right? Enjoy Edinburgh.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  You are like, um, what is it you're like? You're like the great, um, restorer of balance, aren't you? Cause if I, I'm almost certain that if I'd have told you this story and I'd have gone, fuck, man. Um, so I just like, I underestimated how much before the flight had to go on. Um, well, I just thought it's like, it's a, it's an, it's not, you know, it, it, it's just, I'm just flying to Scotland, domestic flight, yeah. So I've turned up at six forty-five, I thought that's decent time, hour before the flight.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself.

• 39:48Speaker 00

  I go through, and then suddenly it says gate closing.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  What?

• 39:51Speaker 00

  So I'm just like, shit, do you know what I mean? I don't wanna miss this flight, also I'm stressed out. So I'm like, like hammering it through the terminal. I get to the gate, everyone's on the plane.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Oh, mate.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  She goes to me, everyone's on the plane. So I walk on, and I'm just like. It's just embarrassing, man, cause also I don't.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Hey, listen to me, you are enough. You are enough, alright? Don't you dare think you're less than enough, okay? Everyone on that plane would have looked and gone, oh, poor sod, I'm glad it wasn't me. You know, someone had to be last wrong.

• 40:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  And yeah, it was you. Yeah, but what if it had been Alan Turner or Vivian Clarke? Or, I don't know. Someone had to be the last person. And someone, let me just say this actually, for everyone who's listening to this. Someone's gonna be the last person on every plane. And let's just give them the benefit of the doubt.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  That is such a good point.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Okay, someone's gonna be the last person on every fucking bus. Yeah, there'll be a last person to leave every pub tonight. There'll be one last person to go in the caf just before it closes. And go, can I have a cup of tea? Bernie, we're bloody closing, mate, but okay. Someone's gotta be last.

• 41:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, thanks, man. But in all seriousness, I know you're doing that as piss take, but that's what you would have done.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 41:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, so you just go.

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Because you were so cocky about it.

• 41:09Speaker 00

  I said I was accidentally cool.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, but.

• 41:11Speaker 00

  Are you, but I, no, no, I refute that. And in fact, I pushed back on it, okay?

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Push back.

• 41:17Speaker 00

  If I'd have gone, mate, it's fucking rocked up, six forty-five, don't give a shit. The last one on the plane, fucking eat a dick. That, that, then I deserve a battering for that.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 00

  I was accidentally cool.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, but also, I can't sit there and go like that, because also, I, I, for me, that's accidentally cool, but I'm, I'm going. My brain takes me to where the people, what the other people are thinking.

• 41:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  And other, I've been, by the way, last one on the plane. And people look at you like, oh, fucking hell, that's why we're waiting.

• 41:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it's not why they're waiting.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  No, no, no, you're still there on time. Any interesting characters? Do you have any chat?

• 41:49Speaker 00

  No, it was actually quite a, um, quite an empty flight, but a guy, because it was so empty. A guy.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Did this?

• 41:59Speaker 00

  What?

• 42:00Speaker 01

  The look.

• 42:02Speaker 00

  What look?

• 42:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, when someone looks at you, it just go. And you know they're gonna make conversation.

• 42:07Speaker 00

  No, that didn't happen. But, um, a guy from the back of the plane.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:13Speaker 00

  Wanted to sit at the front, so he walked up to the front.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:16Speaker 00

  Sat in front, I was in row two, he sat in front of me. Plane's so empty, bro.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  Sits in front of me, moves his seat back and starts shoving it back and I, and I thought, this fucking guy. Both the seats next to me are empty, so fucking sit in the middle one. Helmet.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 42:36Speaker 00

  I didn't say that, I just took it. And then.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  You didn't say anything?

• 42:39Speaker 00

  No, and then one of the cabin crew came over and said, is this your seat? And he said, no. And then they said, you've got to sit in your seat. I don't know why that is. Why is that?

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Did you, did you rat?

• 42:50Speaker 00

  Did I rat?

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Did you wheeze it out and go?

• 42:52Speaker 00

  No, I was asleep.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Did you do this?

• 42:58Speaker 00

  No. No, like, you're making it like that's a rat move. The truth is, I'm too, I'm too, I'm too scared to do something like that.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  So you, you sleep on a plane like no one else? You and your brother are unbelievable plane sleepers. Your brother, I've never known anything like your brother.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  Sleeping on a plane's easy, isn't it?

• 43:17Speaker 01

  Not, you two just.

• 43:18Speaker 00

  I had a great podcast on there.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  What podcast?

• 43:20Speaker 00

  Oh, I can't remember what it's called. That's a shame. It's about the guy from The Bachelor.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 43:26Speaker 00

  And the whole thing around that.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Have you been watching, like, you've been watching Below Deck?

• 43:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've not been watching Mediterranean, because I'm waiting for all of the episodes to come out before I watch it.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Okay, it's very weird watching a Mediterranean, because what, I text you about Nathan the other day.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's been arrested.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Well, has he been arrested?

• 43:41Speaker 00

  Oh, no, sorry, there's a, there's a warrant for his arrest.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Very hard to watch that. And, and he's, he's not a particularly nice character.

• 43:47Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  Nathan, I, I find it, I'm addicted to that programme. But it follows the same story every series.

• 43:54Speaker 00

  This, oh, yeah, it does. This podcast could so easily be a Below Deck podcast.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  I'm currently watching three different series simultaneously, right?

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 44:06Speaker 00

  I'm flitting.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Sweet lease?

• 44:08Speaker 00

  So two of them I'm watching with Sweet lease, one of them I'm watching solo. So I'm watching the second, I think it's the second season of Below Deck Sailing Yacht.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  I found it really, I couldn't take to that.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  Sailing yacht is, the problem is it's so claustrophobic, that boat, and also it just annoys me that they have to sail. Do you know what I mean?

• 44:25Speaker 01

  And also, he's quite annoying, the captain in the first one.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean. Well, it's just a different vibe, isn't it?

• 44:32Speaker 01

  I love Captain Sandy.

• 44:33Speaker 00

  Love Captain Sandy.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Love Captain Sandy to be my friend.

• 44:36Speaker 00

  Really?

• 44:37Speaker 01

  I adore Captain Sandy. Captain Sandy's everything that's right in humanity.

• 44:40Speaker 00

  What do you think about Captain Jason?

• 44:42Speaker 01

  I like Captain Jason. I would say that he, he had his best, his greatest hits early on.

• 44:47Speaker 00

  Right.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  I actually feel like there's a sadness in him.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  Why do you think that?

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Like, as the series go on. I think there's a, there's a sadness where I just, at first, you know what, at first, he's very much. He's got a kind of cool vibe to him, and you think like, yeah, arm around your shoulder, telling you could be amazing. You wouldn't wanna let him down as sort of a deckhand. And then as time goes on, I'm like, you'd be on the, on deck going, everything all right, Jace? And I think he's ready to go, not really.

• 45:15Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  You know, I'm struggling here, mate.

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, why don't you do a little thing down the camera?

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  For Captain Sandy, because I wanna do one for Captain Jason.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Okay, what about how much I adore her?

• 45:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you wanna be friends, maybe just reach out.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  Hey, Captain Sandy. Can I call you Sandy? I think you're pretty incredible. You're pretty amazing. It's the same, we've never met, but the footprint in which you've left upon my brain and my DNA is incredible. Every time I'm down or I'm lost, I think, what would Captain Sandy say whilst she do? I find myself sailing on higher seas than I once was. And by that, I don't mean higher seas, as in there's a storm, it's like the storm has passed and they're calmer seas. We've laid down anchor and I'm pretty settled. And that's quite an amazing thing for a person that you've never met to do.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  So Captain Sandy, if you ever want me to come aboard and be a part of the merry ship friendship. I would be honoured. Thank you, Captain Sandy.

• 46:24Speaker 00

  Really nice. My main takeaway from that is I'm not sure you fully understand what DNA is.

• 46:32Speaker 00

  Captain Jason, I'm in love with you. I'd love to chat with you, have a drink with you, even spoon you.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  Please, please, if you ever watch this, get in touch, hit me up on Insta. I'd love to be buddies.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  Do you know, I think Captain Jason is, I think you see him as that alpha that you think, I, I.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  You think I'm putting him on a pedestal, don't you?

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Because I actually think the beautiful thing of Captain Jason is, I think actually he's more vulnerable than.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  That's what I mean, but that's what I like about him.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, than, than.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  He's actually an empath.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:05Speaker 00

  Big empath.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  The only thing I sometimes think is, he gets, there's a few characters in which I'm like, I pulled the wool over.

• 47:11Speaker 00

  Should have clamped down on that a bit.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Well, Sandy's vulnerable as well.

• 47:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, very vulnerable.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  Sandy's very vulnerable.

• 47:17Speaker 00

  Anyway, I imagine if you don't watch Below Deck, the last few minutes of this has been absolutely inaccessible to you.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Why would you not watch Below Deck?

• 47:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, if you're some sort of fucking idiot.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Do you would, I know we've talked about this before, how much would you love? Because someone reached out to us before and said, if you ever wanted to come and look round one of the boats. Someone reached out to me and said, do you remember?

• 47:35Speaker 00

  Nobody reached out to me.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, they said, if you ever wanna come and look round.

• 47:38Speaker 00

  Are you winding me up?

• 47:39Speaker 01

  I swear, and then I lost that DM.

• 47:41Speaker 00

  Good, well done.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it was one of the only DMs I should have.

• 47:44Speaker 00

  Um.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  I would, I would.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  I looked up how much it costs to be on one of those.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Do they pay you? So the guests pay?

• 47:50Speaker 00

  I don't, I think it's half price.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  If you do it on Below Deck.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Would you do that?

• 47:55Speaker 00

  No, because it's like two hundred grand for three days or something.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 47:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah. If they did you a free one, then you'd have to be, you and Lisa.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  But you have to be, no, I wouldn't go on with Lisa and the kids.

• 48:07Speaker 01

  I know why.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Why?

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Well, you could, you wanna be one of those party guys.

• 48:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I'd go on.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  You might choose me as Rob Percy, grats.

• 48:15Speaker 00

  No, but I'm just saying, I don't, I don't wanna do a thing with Lisa and the kids. They, Lisa wouldn't wanna do it either, so. But I'd love to like, if a few of us went on a, I'd fucking love that.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Beckett, Josh.

• 48:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, Beckett wouldn't do it. Josh wouldn't do it either, probably.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  What about John?

• 48:28Speaker 00

  Would you come, John? Yeah, I can. Maybe we do like.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Wolf and Al.

• 48:31Speaker 00

  Wolf and Al, Wolf and Al Below Deck.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  If they were, yeah, like the crossover.

• 48:35Speaker 00

  I don't, listen, Tom, bless you. I don't think Below Deck is itching for a Wolf and Al crossover. I think they'll just name us as some guests on the boat.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:45Speaker 00

  I don't think, what do you expect? Okay, preference sheet meeting, so, really?

• 48:51Speaker 01

  By the way, you'd be the, the worst preference sheet guy.

• 48:54Speaker 00

  Why?

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Well, you're vegan, aren't you? They love cooking big meat.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  How's that the worst? They've got people there that fucking.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:59Speaker 00

  Don't want anything beginning with B in their food.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I suppose. No, out of our group, you'd be the one. Oh, God, this guy, have you seen the vegan?

• 49:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:06Speaker 01

  Apparently he's a big comedian back in England. I love this guy, he's so funny.

• 49:09Speaker 00

  Um, the good news is that one of them's such a fucking animal, if just clean out one of the bathrooms, put it in a bowl, he'll eat it.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  He's the producer of the show.

• 49:18Speaker 00

  Nice, come on.

• 49:22Speaker 00

  Okay, Tom.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:24Speaker 00

  It's about that time, bro. I'm gonna give you three ingredients.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:27Speaker 00

  I'd love you to take us out.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  I forgot we were doing this now, it makes me not happy.

• 49:30Speaker 00

  Oh, do you not wanna do it?

• 49:31Speaker 01

  No, I'd much rather do it, because I've got nothing left.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  Okay, first ingredient is a bogey.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:36Speaker 00

  Uh, second ingredient is Below Deck.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:40Speaker 00

  Third ingredient is Rasputin.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:44Speaker 00

  Okay, good luck.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Hmm. Set your limits. What is the expectation? Where are you heading? How this unfold, friend? See, one minute life can deal you a raw flush. You've got it all going on. You think you're the king.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  You're out there on the high seas, yacht. Yeah, another cocktail, please, Vanessa. Living the life, like Below Deck, I guess.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Before you know it, things can unravel.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  A little bit like Rasputin.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  You think you've got all the world at your feet, you think you own it all, but you make a couple of bad decisions. And before you know it, you're nothing but a bogey on a handkerchief, someone staring at going, get rid of this, please.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  And that's why in life it's worth remembering, the happy times. Sitting there, cocktail in hand, looking at the sea, being nice to those around you. Because at some point, it's invariable, friend. That slide will be when you're coming down. And it won't be with a camera like on Below Deck, where you're going, yeah. You'll be going, oh, I wish I'd enjoyed this more. Enjoy the highs, know the lows are coming. But always remember this, at some point, if you're lucky, there'll be a steady sea that you'll find your ship sailing on.

• 51:10Speaker 00

  Really nice.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 51:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:12Speaker 00

  I mean, Rasputin and Below Deck, I felt like you folded in.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, they were quite, yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, whether you're a bit like Below Deck or you're a bit like Rasputin.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  Or you feel more like a bogey. Oh, well done, mate, you smashed all three of those out pretty quickly.

• 51:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 00

  Thank you so much for listening to.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  Thanks, friends.

• 51:32Speaker 00

  And watching the Wolf and Al podcast. If you'd like to be on an email episode, you can email wolfoutpod at gmail dot com. Yeah, please send them in. And remember to check out John's OnlyFans.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  Big tit, John.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  He is, let's just say, he's gone further than he's ever gone before.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  That's Johnny the Magpie on OnlyFans.

• 51:55Speaker 00

  We'll see you next time. Remember to like and subscribe. Bye.

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