Pod Insights Wolf & Owl with Romesh Ranganathan and Tom Davis Hot Chip Challenge, Bathroom Habits and Amanda Holden About this episode Can Tom and Romesh survive the Hot Chip challenge? Watch to find out…Plus, what is Tom’s signature dish and why should you never be in the kitchen with Rom?
How many times should you go to the bathroom and do we need to get more sleep? Also, why does Tom sniff sweaty shorts?
We’re ready to rock! Don’t forget to like and subscribe and get in touch with us at [email protected]
A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media.
Chapters:
00:00 Intro00:43 Supermarket shopping04:24 Home cooking06:16 Tom’s soufflé 12:09 Bathroom habits16:08 Bugsy Malone21:15 Sleeping problems31:35 Young love35:41 Hot chip challenge39:35 Know your limits
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Welcome to The Wolf and Hour with me, Ramesh Wang and Ethan and you.
0:04 Speaker 01 The Wolf, Tom Davis. I'm here and ready to rock.
0:08 Speaker 00 Uh, please like, subscribe, follow, tell a friend, tell someone at your local supermarket about this podcast.
0:14 Speaker 01 You know how you do that. You just tap on and go, you could probably notice me laughing in the World Food Hour. Why? Because I was listening to The Wolf and Hour, my friend. Hello, my name is Jack Stevens.
0:21 Speaker 00 Lord knows there's not regularly laughs in the World Food Hour. I'm all right. They take things very seriously.
0:25 Speaker 01 Can I say?
0:26 Speaker 02 This doesn't look authentic.
0:43 Speaker 01 There's not enough laughs in supermarkets.
0:46 Speaker 00 How do you mean?
0:46 Speaker 01 You don't ever see people walking around supermarkets. It's just like, sort of like having more, like, I think supermarkets be a lot more joyous. It's the one part of the week that we're all doing and I think it should be more. What? You don't do the big shop?
1:00 Speaker 00 No.
1:00 Speaker 01 Are you joking?
1:01 Speaker 00 No.
1:02 Speaker 01 I don't even want to think about my life without a supermarket visit.
1:06 Speaker 00 How often are you going?
1:07 Speaker 01 Once a week.
1:08 Speaker 00 Once a week you go to the supermarket?
1:09 Speaker 01 Once a week, yeah, minimum.
1:11 Speaker 00 How long are you there for?
1:12 Speaker 01 It depends. If it's a big shop on a Sunday.
1:15 Speaker 00 Just average, just like average it out. I don't need to say every visit.
1:18 Speaker 01 Well, probably about 40 minutes, 45 minutes.
1:20 Speaker 00 Forty, there's no fucking way you're getting in and out in 45 minutes.
1:23 Speaker 01 Forty-five minutes, you can do a good shop.
1:25 Speaker 00 For the family?
1:26 Speaker 01 Well, there's three of us. There's what, five of you? There's a big difference.
1:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, but.
1:30 Speaker 01 And me and Grace, by the way, me, Grace and Catherine are eating nearly all the same stuff. We're not like you that throws a stone in the shoe for Lisa.
1:36 Speaker 00 I don't throw a stone in the shoe. I'm plant-based because of my moral beliefs.
1:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know, but it's half.
1:41 Speaker 00 It's not a stone in the shoe.
1:42 Speaker 01 Lisa's like, I've got to get some chicken nuggets. Oh bloody hell, I've got to get some vegan nuggets for Rom. Like, you know, I'm going to get a side of beef. I better get some overgeens.
1:55 Speaker 01 You know, there's a lot more for poor Lisa to think of. And if you're not going with, by the way, it's a great time just to have some chat. Not just you as a couple, but you and other people in the supermarket.
2:03 Speaker 00 She doesn't go on her own.
2:04 Speaker 01 Who does she go with?
2:06 Speaker 00 Um, she doesn't go at all.
2:07 Speaker 01 Oh, you, you, yeah, you get delivered.
2:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, and there's a reason for that.
2:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:11 Speaker 00 But, but by the way, I noticed you the way you tilt your head and get all judgmental.
2:14 Speaker 01 No, I don't, I don't.
2:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, you did. You went, oh, you get it delivered.
2:17 Speaker 01 No, I'm just saying, I think it's a really nice, I think you and Lisa going together.
2:20 Speaker 00 It's the only time we ever argue is when we do the big shop.
2:23 Speaker 01 Really?
2:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, so we decided to stop doing it.
2:25 Speaker 01 We argue a lot, but that's the one time that we really come together.
2:29 Speaker 00 Do you not just get stressed out, I mean, to go around the fucking supermarket?
2:32 Speaker 01 No, I enjoy it.
2:32 Speaker 00 I find it stressful.
2:33 Speaker 01 I get such a kick when there's like big sales on, things are like bargain prices. Tesco's blow me away sometimes.
2:41 Speaker 00 In what way?
2:41 Speaker 01 Just sometimes the, the deals you can get at Tesco's.
2:44 Speaker 00 Don't you not think they're taking the fucking piss?
2:46 Speaker 01 What? Why?
2:47 Speaker 00 Because they just put all the shit everywhere. You've got to go and pick it up yourself. Now they're not even putting people on the tills, you've got to do that yourself.
2:53 Speaker 01 No, but.
2:53 Speaker 00 It's just like, you might as well just fucking.
2:55 Speaker 01 By the way, I'm not.
2:56 Speaker 00 Pour it on the floor in the middle of the fucking.
2:58 Speaker 01 Can I just say, if you're doing a big shop and. You're going through a big shop and you're going through self-service checkout, you're a fucking idiot. I'm saying it.
3:05 Speaker 00 Well, I mean, that's, that's a bit, some people, that's a bit harsh.
3:09 Speaker 01 No, if you've got a basket and a few other bits in your hand and you're waiting for your self-service, cool. If you've got anything in a trolley, that should just be going through.
3:16 Speaker 00 You're allowed to go through with a trolley, are you, to self-service?
3:19 Speaker 01 I've seen people do it in Tesco's.
3:21 Speaker 00 Okay.
3:22 Speaker 01 I'm just saying, it's one of the best things.
3:23 Speaker 00 Don't deliver that news like you've seen a dragon.
3:27 Speaker 01 No, I'm just saying.
3:28 Speaker 00 It's not that unusual.
3:29 Speaker 01 I like going through the, because I think for me, you go through the, the checkout, you have a bit of a banter.
3:34 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:34 Speaker 01 Bit of a laugh. If it's Easter, you crack a joke, a couple of jokes about bunnies and jokes.
3:38 Speaker 00 Give me an example of a Easter bunny, Jake.
3:41 Speaker 01 Uh.
3:42 Speaker 00 Oh, has this, uh, got some Easter eggs, have you?
3:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, I bet they're jumping off the shelves.
3:46 Speaker 00 Oh, God, you wouldn't say that really, would you?
3:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course I would.
3:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:50 Speaker 00 Oh, so you've got the little lint bunny?
3:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. I had a bit of lint in my pocket the other day with all this change. I'll probably give it to charity.
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5:14 Speaker 00 Okay, it's not actually that bad. I was quite impressed with your improv skills there.
5:17 Speaker 01 I'm not too bad, I can go, yeah.
5:19 Speaker 00 Um, yeah, but I've, I can't, I do go into supermarket occasionally. When I've got like a couple of bits, but I would never do the big shop there.
5:26 Speaker 01 I just like just walking around sometimes, even if I'm not a big shop and just going for a few bits, I like to just sort of like look around and get ideas.
5:33 Speaker 00 Hmm.
5:33 Speaker 01 How often are you cooking at home?
5:35 Speaker 00 Almost never.
5:36 Speaker 01 Okay, see that's the difference. I love cooking at home.
5:39 Speaker 00 I'm not, I'm sort of, I create too much of a mess. We've talked about this.
5:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know we have, both, yeah.
5:44 Speaker 00 So who cooks more, have you and Kat?
5:47 Speaker 01 Probably, well, she's at home more.
5:49 Speaker 00 Hmm.
5:50 Speaker 01 But if I'm, if we're both at home, 50/50.
5:52 Speaker 00 Shall we talk about the resentment there? She's at home more, there's, are we getting to it now?
5:56 Speaker 01 She resents me slightly for being out a lot. Um, if we're at home, 50/50.
6:01 Speaker 00 Right, okay.
6:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I, I, I get a kick out, I love cooking together.
6:05 Speaker 00 I do too, but you know.
6:06 Speaker 01 But if you're messy and sort of like, you know.
6:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, the problem is, I, I think I'd be allowed to regularly cook if... I trained myself to do it in a more official way.
6:17 Speaker 01 If you're a bit more hygienic.
6:18 Speaker 00 Basically, i- if I cook in the house, it's an event.
6:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:20 Speaker 00 People have to be warned.
6:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:22 Speaker 00 You know, have to knock on the neighbours' houses and go, just so you know.
6:25 Speaker 01 Wow.
6:25 Speaker 00 Ron wants to do his lasagna again. There's gonna be some swearing, some screaming, probably hear some broken glass.
6:30 Speaker 01 Just seeing you out on the back porch smoking, just going, oh, fuck, shit.
6:33 Speaker 00 Why do I do this every year? I can't make two cheese sauces, one vegan and one not. So, yeah, so I don't, I don't often cook. What's your, what would you say is your signature dish?
6:45 Speaker 01 I do do a really good lasagna. Uh, I like a souffle. I like a, I like to cook a souffle.
6:50 Speaker 00 Hmm.
6:50 Speaker 01 A lovely souffle.
6:51 Speaker 00 What type of souffle?
6:52 Speaker 01 Cheese.
6:52 Speaker 00 Three cheese.
6:53 Speaker 01 Huh?
6:54 Speaker 00 Three cheese.
6:54 Speaker 01 We can do three cheese, but yeah.
6:55 Speaker 00 No, but three cheese is like, isn't that the go-to posh souffle?
6:58 Speaker 01 It's a posh one, but I think you don't want to get cheese fighting. You're gonna get one cheese that's really strong, completely overcompensates the other. The other cheeses are going, oh, I'm gonna fucking place in the, you know, even finish the race here. If you've got a really strong cheddar, unless you're putting blue cheese, then the cheddar's just completely insignificant. You know, you've got the blue cheese is doing all the fucking legwork. So you just go, I'm just doing a blue cheese.
7:22 Speaker 00 It's tiring.
7:23 Speaker 01 I'm just saying.
7:24 Speaker 00 It's so tiring to have a conversation like this.
7:26 Speaker 01 What?
7:27 Speaker 00 So what, what, um, where, talk me through how you make a souffle, please?
7:31 Speaker 01 Well, you cook a roux, you cook a nice cheese.
7:34 Speaker 00 Okay, you have to get a bit more basic than that. Imagine you were presenting a cooking show. Talk me through how you do a souffle.
7:40 Speaker 01 Well, I wouldn't do a shit souffle if I was doing a cooking show.
7:43 Speaker 00 Well, imagine, okay, but imagine that you'd been tasked with doing a souffle.
7:47 Speaker 01 Okay.
7:49 Speaker 01 Um, what am I presenting, presenting?
7:50 Speaker 00 You might as well, yeah.
7:51 Speaker 01 Yeah. Hi, welcome to Bonkers Kitchen with me, Tom Davis. Uh, glad to be on the show. Uh, this week, my sous chef, uh, my assistant.
8:00 Speaker 00 Sorry, let me just stop you before we carry on. It's not for children. This is an adults' cooking show.
8:05 Speaker 01 Okay. What's wrong with Bonkers Kitchen?
8:07 Speaker 00 It's not just Bonkers Kitchen, the whole energy. It was like, I was expecting you to introduce a puppet.
8:12 Speaker 01 Okay, I would like a puppet. Okay. Well, you want it more cool?
8:16 Speaker 00 Not cool, but just like for grownups.
8:18 Speaker 01 Okay, okay. Hi, me, Tom Davis, and I guess.
8:22 Speaker 00 Split the difference.
8:23 Speaker 01 Okay. Yo, it's me, Tom Davis, back again on Bonkers Kitchen, the adult show, not that sexy.
8:30 Speaker 00 No, no, no, you don't, nobody says it's an adult show.
8:35 Speaker 00 Go on.
8:36 Speaker 01 Okay, um, what up friends, it's me, back in the kitchen again for my sins, um.
8:47 Speaker 01 Today in the kitchen, I'm joined by the legend, uh, one of my favourite musicians, Mr Cat Stevens. Hello, Cat Stevens.
8:55 Speaker 00 Cat Stevens?
8:58 Speaker 00 What does Cat Stevens sound like?
9:00 Speaker 01 Oh, right.
9:01 Speaker 00 Okay, all right, come on then.
9:02 Speaker 01 He's American, right, Cat Stevens?
9:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:04 Speaker 00 Well, he's changed his name to Youssef Islam, hasn't he?
9:06 Speaker 01 Oh, okay, yeah. With one of my favourite singers of all time, Mr Youssef Islam. Hello, friend.
9:11 Speaker 00 I don't, what I'm saying is, I don't think he'd appear on the show.
9:14 Speaker 01 Okay, all right, um, someone more realistic, uh, okay, um. All right, welcome back to Bonkers Kitchen. With me, Tom Davis, back in the kitchen again. For my sins. Uh, I'm joined today by one of my favourite actors in the world, Mr Mickey Rock. Hello, Mickey, how are you?
9:29 Speaker 00 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
9:30 Speaker 01 You good?
9:31 Speaker 00 Hey, hey.
9:32 Speaker 01 So, Mickey.
9:32 Speaker 00 Hey, hey.
9:33 Speaker 01 Okay, Mick, um.
9:34 Speaker 00 Yo.
9:35 Speaker 01 Strikes me, Mickey.
9:36 Speaker 00 What are we cooking?
9:38 Speaker 01 We're cooking.
9:38 Speaker 00 We cooking, what are we cooking?
9:39 Speaker 01 We are cooking a.
9:40 Speaker 00 Mickey hungry.
9:43 Speaker 00 Mickey very hungry.
9:45 Speaker 01 Mick, have you been drinking?
9:46 Speaker 00 Huh?
9:46 Speaker 01 Have you been drinking?
9:47 Speaker 00 No, I'll tell you what I haven't been doing, fucking eating.
9:49 Speaker 01 Well, we're gonna make.
9:50 Speaker 00 Where's the food at?
9:51 Speaker 01 A delicious souffle.
9:52 Speaker 00 You little bitch, you little bitch.
9:54 Speaker 01 Okay, Donald Trump.
9:55 Speaker 00 You little bitch, where's the food at? What are we making?
9:57 Speaker 01 We're gonna make a souffle.
9:58 Speaker 00 What are we making? Can I try some of this?
9:59 Speaker 01 Yeah. Have you washed your hands?
10:01 Speaker 00 Give me one of those eggs.
10:02 Speaker 01 Have you washed your hands, Mick?
10:02 Speaker 00 I was gonna crack it into my fucking.
10:04 Speaker 01 So, one of my favourite things to make.
10:05 Speaker 00 Throat!
10:06 Speaker 01 One of my favourite things to make is souffle, uh, souffle.
10:09 Speaker 00 That's not how you pronounce it, little bitch. Souffle.
10:13 Speaker 01 Sorry, I'm just gonna change that bit.
10:14 Speaker 00 He's putting emphasis.
10:16 Speaker 01 Joining me in the kitchen today is one of my favourite actresses of all time, Miss Amanda Holden. Hi, Amanda.
10:22 Speaker 00 Hi.
10:23 Speaker 01 Hi, how are you? You okay?
10:24 Speaker 00 Really good, thank you. What happened to Mickey?
10:26 Speaker 01 Oh, he had to go because he was unhygienic. Um, so Amanda, what's your favourite thing to eat in the whole world?
10:33 Speaker 00 Um, I don't know, we sort of, we eat lots of different things, uh, we go out a lot to eat.
10:39 Speaker 01 Do you? Well.
10:40 Speaker 00 Yes. I tell you what I do love, a traditional kind of beef Wellington.
10:44 Speaker 01 Oh, okay. Well, would you like us to make you a beef Wellington?
10:46 Speaker 00 I, I mean, if that's what you're going to make, then I'd absolutely love that, yeah. I mean, me and Jamie, uh, love it.
10:52 Speaker 01 Who's Jamie?
10:52 Speaker 00 Thixton, who I present with on, uh, Magic, I think.
10:56 Speaker 01 Where's your husband called? I think it's Chris. Yeah, I think it's Christian, Chris. Yeah.
11:01 Speaker 00 Christian, maybe. And also, me and Alan, when we're renovating, because obviously.
11:07 Speaker 01 Well, it actually is a brilliant show. I have been watching that recently. It's a fantastic show. Tell us about the show.
11:11 Speaker 00 Well, I was sort of in.
11:12 Speaker 01 By the way, while you're doing that, I need to get this dish underway, Amanda. So we'll start by sauteing some onions.
11:18 Speaker 00 What are you making?
11:19 Speaker 01 Of meat wellington.
11:20 Speaker 00 Okay, great.
11:21 Speaker 01 So I'm just gonna saute some onions.
11:25 Speaker 00 I don't think we have to wait for this, for them to actually soften.
11:36 Speaker 01 Now, so Amanda, you used to be in.
11:40 Speaker 00 Are you, can I just check, Tom? Are you sauteing them on a keyboard?
11:44 Speaker 01 No, I'm putting it in the beef.
11:45 Speaker 00 Oh, okay. Into what?
11:47 Speaker 01 Into the frying pan.
11:48 Speaker 00 Oh, okay.
11:51 Speaker 01 So you used to be in cutting it, which was.
11:56 Speaker 01 On BBC a while ago.
11:57 Speaker 00 Yes.
11:58 Speaker 01 Tell us about, do you like hair?
12:00 Speaker 00 Do I like hair? It's a funny question. It's a funny question.
12:04 Speaker 01 No, but it was about hairdressers and.
12:06 Speaker 00 It's a funny question.
12:06 Speaker 01 Then we're gonna put in a bit of garlic, a little bit of oregano, a little bit of thyme, a little bit of rosemary, really get the herbs.
12:11 Speaker 00 Do you just put them all in at the same time?
12:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, just to get the herbs.
12:13 Speaker 00 Because the beef is still raw, it looks.
12:15 Speaker 01 Well, it gets succulent and it gets into the, and here's a little trick for you, man. You probably didn't know about this. A little glick of flour, just to keep it all nice and nice.
12:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's quite good. I think that's commonly known.
12:28 Speaker 00 First time I've heard flour added by the glug.
12:33 Speaker 01 And now we're gonna put in some stock, really get the beef nice and juicy.
12:36 Speaker 00 Glug of stock would work.
12:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're gonna have a really lovely beef. So Amanda, tell me more.
12:40 Speaker 00 About what?
12:42 Speaker 01 About, well, what has she been up to? Then we're gonna get some short crust pastry. We get the short crust pastry, and basically, a bit like a pasty, we put the beef inside the short crust pastry, and we put it in the oven. And then let's go and sit down and have a chat.
12:59 Speaker 00 Okay.
13:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, so that's kind of what, yeah.
13:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, I mean, I've never eaten a beef wellington, but even I know that there's something between the pastry and the beef, isn't there? And he's supposed to make some sort of mushroom pate.
13:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:11 Speaker 00 And what the fuck happened to that?
13:13 Speaker 01 It's all got thrown off because I was trying to chat to that hand cook.
13:15 Speaker 00 It is a bit like that. What you did was a bit like Saturday Kitchen, actually.
13:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't think I'm a regular presenter.
13:23 Speaker 00 How are you anyway?
13:24 Speaker 01 Good, good, good. Yeah, I feel good. I feel well. I've got this weird thing at the moment about, um, have you, have you, online at the moment, there's this whole thing about Kanye West. West talking about one of the reasons he's spout with Kim Kardashian is because she was shitting all the time. She was going to the toilet a lot more than he thought was, was sort of respectable, I guess. And it throws me the question of, I do worry sometimes, um, I'm going to the toilet a lot more than I should. I go, I love going to the bathroom, like taking a crap is one of my favourite hobbies. And I worry that that could be the sort of straw that bakes a camel's back in my relationship.
14:01 Speaker 00 Um, it was a hell of a monologue. So how many times are you going a day?
14:06 Speaker 01 At home, if I'm at home for the day, three, maybe four.
14:08 Speaker 00 Okay, four.
14:10 Speaker 01 I, there's two poos and there's other times where it's just a lot of gas.
14:16 Speaker 01 How many times do you go a day?
14:18 Speaker 00 I would say three.
14:20 Speaker 01 Three?
14:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, two to three.
14:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:23 Speaker 00 Very rarely one.
14:25 Speaker 01 Who goes for one shit a day?
14:26 Speaker 00 I don't know. I mean, lots of people do. I think that, I think that's normal.
14:29 Speaker 01 Is it really?
14:30 Speaker 00 Well, not normal, but that's the median.
14:32 Speaker 01 I, this is what I'm fascinated by.
14:34 Speaker 00 Might be the mode. Go on.
14:36 Speaker 01 Good. No, I just, I don't know anyone who goes once a day.
14:38 Speaker 00 Um, well, I mean, I don't want to get into details, but I do know people that go once a day.
14:43 Speaker 01 I just think it's such an incredible thing to go once a day.
14:45 Speaker 00 Yeah, let's look this up. How, what's the average time that people go for a shit? Typically, three times a day to three times a week.
14:52 Speaker 01 Three times a week?
14:53 Speaker 00 Three times a week?
14:55 Speaker 01 That is insane, isn't it?
14:57 Speaker 00 That must fucking break the pan.
14:58 Speaker 01 That, do you know, the, the worst thing I have at the moment is when I go and I think I'm going to really drop something valuable.
15:04 Speaker 00 Tom.
15:05 Speaker 01 What? And then I, I, cause my.
15:07 Speaker 00 Okay, can I just say this? Cause we've talked about shit a lot on this podcast. I don't think people mind us talking about it. It's the graphic nature.
15:14 Speaker 01 Okay, well, I'll, my big worry at the moment is the Elvis thing. I think I've talked about it.
15:18 Speaker 00 That you're gonna die?
15:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, cause he, he didn't go enough. And he was going to sit on the toilet a lot and then that's how he passed.
15:26 Speaker 00 Well, look, I, I would, can I, can I, I've talked about this before, but I thoroughly recommend a squatty potty.
15:31 Speaker 01 I, I'm really now looking at getting one of these.
15:33 Speaker 00 You've got to.
15:34 Speaker 01 But in what sense are they again? Are they like genuinely, are you like, they work on everything?
15:38 Speaker 00 Like, this is the best way to describe it, right? So imagine this is your colon.
15:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:43 Speaker 00 And when you sit down on a toilet normally.
15:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:45 Speaker 00 Your colon has to sort of like make its way around a bend like a kink.
15:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:50 Speaker 00 The the poo has to make it right around the kink. And then when you sit on a squatty potty, because of the way you're positioned, it unkinks it. So it's just like, whoop, like a water slide. You feel emptier, it's quicker. Is there a bit of embarrassment, even though there's nobody there, that your knees are up like that around your ears? A little bit. And then and then just fold it away and put it away and you walk out feeling like, the only, the the main negative. Is that then if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to evacuate and you don't have a squatty potty.
16:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:22 Speaker 00 It it feels like.
16:23 Speaker 01 It was like, for example, would you take it on tour with you?
16:26 Speaker 00 Oh, I don't know. People would see it then, wouldn't they? Do you know what I mean?
16:28 Speaker 01 I don't know if it's in your case, your bag.
16:30 Speaker 00 Like going, oh, what have you got there? And I'll have to explain squat. I mean, I've talked about it on the podcast. I suppose it doesn't matter.
16:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, but I'm just.
16:35 Speaker 00 Carry it round is a big deal. I probably, I'd, it folds away, so maybe I'll put it in the bottom of my suitcase.
16:40 Speaker 01 Or you could have it like, you know, like, sort of like with a strap round it and just carry it around your sort of back like that, just in case you go to services.
16:49 Speaker 00 I don't think I'd use it in the services. First of all, um, if ever you encounter me. Shitting in the services, there has been a serious fucking emergency.
17:01 Speaker 01 Really?
17:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, I reckon genuinely ten years since I've taken a shit in a service station.
17:06 Speaker 01 What? That's insane numbers.
17:08 Speaker 00 I can't do it.
17:09 Speaker 01 Man.
17:10 Speaker 00 I'm a Heimshizer. What can I tell you?
17:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, we've talked about this a lot.
17:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, but I've and I've managed to like de Heimshize myself, so I'm shizing in other places, but I'm not a service station.
17:20 Speaker 01 Play.
17:21 Speaker 00 No.
17:21 Speaker 01 I've actually got, sorry, I wanna, can I propose a business deal?
17:24 Speaker 00 What is it?
17:25 Speaker 01 I think me and you should. Have you ever seen Bugsy Malone?
17:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, with the kids.
17:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, but we should bring like an adult version to the stage.
17:34 Speaker 00 Of Bugsy Malone?
17:34 Speaker 01 Yeah. You're Bugsy Malone, I'm Fat Sam. And we put people we know into it and we do like a special.
17:40 Speaker 00 Aren't business ideas supposed to be potentially profitable?
17:43 Speaker 01 Man, it's massively profitable. Like, think of it like, like, I think, by the way, you should do one where you're singing next, because I can't, that's the only.
17:50 Speaker 00 Can't sing, I mean, that's.
17:51 Speaker 01 You can sing. We both, okay, like.
17:55 Speaker 01 I got a dream to live, I got a dream to live, I got a dream to live.
18:01 Speaker 00 Don't cry for me, Argentina.
18:04 Speaker 01 You're not gonna cry later, but if.
18:07 Speaker 00 The truth is I never left you.
18:13 Speaker 01 Through all the hard times. You can sing, that was beautiful.
18:16 Speaker 00 No, you can't, not in for a fucking musical, I can't, I can bet, it's barely.
18:19 Speaker 01 Musical, by the way, you don't, they don't sing sing, they just make their voices sound more jolly.
18:23 Speaker 00 Could it be?
18:24 Speaker 01 That's it.
18:24 Speaker 00 That I'm doing a podcast with my friend Tom, the wolf are now nervous. We've got no content, we've just moved to video, video, video, video. He was running round the alley, exposing himself.
18:40 Speaker 01 What?
18:44 Speaker 00 Yeah, I don't think it's a good idea.
18:46 Speaker 01 I think it could be a fascinating idea. Like mate, and just like, think of all the people who could get involved.
18:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, like who?
18:53 Speaker 01 Beckett.
18:54 Speaker 00 Beckett, Beckett? In Bugsy Malone on stage?
18:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, Tom Allen.
18:58 Speaker 00 Tom might be up for it, yeah.
18:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, he'd be really good.
19:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:01 Speaker 01 Uh, Suzy Ruffle's done.
19:02 Speaker 00 Suzy Ruffle, yeah.
19:03 Speaker 01 He's done lots of musical stuff.
19:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:04 Speaker 01 Uh, Julie Love.
19:06 Speaker 00 Julie Love, yeah.
19:06 Speaker 01 Fucking incredible on stage.
19:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:08 Speaker 01 I haven't seen her do West End plays, but she's very funny and she's very, um, uh. Joan McNally.
19:14 Speaker 00 Okay, all right, let's stop, so we're not gonna do it, I just.
19:16 Speaker 01 I'm just saying, it is.
19:17 Speaker 00 We're populating a fantasy here.
19:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I'm just saying that if we, if I was to come to you and go, I've just spoke to the Gilgood Theatre.
19:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:24 Speaker 01 And that we can put on a Christmas display of Bugsy Malone, or Christmas Carol, you could be Scrooge, you'd be a fucking amazing Scrooge. I'm sorry, that is, if you don't do Scrooge in a West End, that is a travesty, you would be the best Scrooge.
19:37 Speaker 00 Why? Because I'm a grumpy bastard?
19:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, you'd be able to do that part, really.
19:41 Speaker 00 Scrooge.
19:43 Speaker 01 That's, he doesn't say Scrooge.
19:44 Speaker 00 Scrooge.
19:45 Speaker 01 It's humbug.
19:46 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
19:46 Speaker 01 It's Scrooge, isn't it? He goes Scrooge.
19:48 Speaker 00 Scrooge.
19:49 Speaker 01 He goes humbug, humbug. No, not like that, Jesus. You go.
19:55 Speaker 00 Do you want my Scrooge or not?
19:56 Speaker 01 Well, show me your Scrooge. Hey, Mr, hey, Mr. Scrooge, can I have fifty p?
20:00 Speaker 00 What did he say?
20:01 Speaker 01 Bah, humbug.
20:03 Speaker 00 Bah, humbug.
20:05 Speaker 01 I mean, the thing is, you're like, that is West End-ing it, that is the thing. You give it some, don't you?
20:10 Speaker 00 Bah, humbug.
20:11 Speaker 01 That's, wow, fuck, that's really good.
20:13 Speaker 00 Do you like that?
20:14 Speaker 01 Yeah. Mr. Scrooge, can we have some turkey?
20:16 Speaker 00 Be gone with you, child.
20:18 Speaker 01 Wow.
20:19 Speaker 00 Christmas is for. Pussies.
20:21 Speaker 01 Fuck off you nonce.
20:27 Speaker 01 It's um.
20:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, not a bad shout.
20:29 Speaker 01 That, that is, that's what we should do.
20:31 Speaker 00 Yeah, great, definitely. Let's get on it.
20:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:33 Speaker 00 Should we do it alongside the shout outs for small businesses and?
20:36 Speaker 01 No, we should try that. Right, if I could, if I, if I could get, if we could get a theatre on board through the wall for now.
20:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:43 Speaker 01 Do one off special. I mean, you're fucking good at known lines and stuff and it's literally nearly, you're on stage the whole time. I could be Bob Cratchit.
20:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:52 Speaker 01 I don't know if that would be tough. I should probably be one of the ghosts actually, or Jacob Marley. Tom Allen could be Bob Cratchit.
20:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay. This is not happening. We're going through way too much detail.
21:01 Speaker 01 I'm just saying.
21:02 Speaker 00 This isn't happening.
21:03 Speaker 01 You on the western stage.
21:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, great.
21:05 Speaker 01 Email in if you buy a ticket to see Romesh Ranganathan as Ebenezer Scrooge.
21:08 Speaker 00 Can I just say, that is, I'm not having a go at anybody that does this in particular. But you know when people post up?
21:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:17 Speaker 00 Let me know where you want to come and see me perform. Stop doing that.
21:22 Speaker 01 Really?
21:23 Speaker 00 Mate, it's just, so, sorry, you post up, where do you want to come and see for? And then one person says County Durham and they go, right, we're.
21:29 Speaker 01 Who is doing that by the way?
21:30 Speaker 00 Loads of comics do it all the time.
21:32 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, okay. I, I just get told off to the places I'm not going on my tour. With the reason I'm not going is no one brought tickets last time I went there. Can I, but no, but this is different. This is going, this is a spectacle. Like you could go on this morning and promote it. I'd help out with some of that.
21:47 Speaker 00 No, I, I get, I get the mechanics of it.
21:48 Speaker 01 Right, but you as Ebenezer Scrooge feels like an event.
21:52 Speaker 00 Bah.
21:53 Speaker 01 Not, no, hardly any costume changes because you're just in your nightie for most of it.
21:57 Speaker 00 Well, that's not a rea, that's not a thing, you don't put that in the pitch. It's not happening anyway.
22:02 Speaker 01 I, I think we could put a good ensemble together. I'd even probably ca, I, it's up to you what you want me to do. I could probably direct it, but I could probably be in, in it as well.
22:10 Speaker 00 Okay, great.
22:11 Speaker 01 All right.
22:12 Speaker 00 So bear, bear in mind you've not done a play, you're now offering to direct one.
22:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, because I know that, I know this story better than anyone else knows it. Fucking lich, it's so embedded in my soul. I want to tell this story and the best person to tell this story is you.
22:27 Speaker 04 The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the colour of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7-Up is fighting back with their new Lime Lemon Soda. Now lime comes first. 7-Up, flip the sip.
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23:30 Speaker 00 Uh, Tom?
23:31 Speaker 01 Yeah?
23:32 Speaker 00 You struggling to sleep?
23:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm having some sleep problems.
23:34 Speaker 00 What's the problem?
23:35 Speaker 01 I can't remember the last time I had a full night's sleep.
23:37 Speaker 00 Me neither.
23:38 Speaker 01 Anxiety, worries.
23:39 Speaker 00 What is a full night's sleep?
23:40 Speaker 01 Six, five to six hours of just sleep.
23:43 Speaker 00 You've not had five to six hours of just sleep?
23:46 Speaker 01 I can't remember, probably not in the last four years, certainly.
23:48 Speaker 00 Because I had five hours last night and I consider myself to be in an emergency situation now.
23:53 Speaker 01 I can't, yeah, but I can't remember the last time, like...
23:55 Speaker 00 So how many hours did you sleep last night?
23:57 Speaker 01 Uh, in a, what, in a row?
23:59 Speaker 00 In the night?
24:00 Speaker 01 Without waking and then for three or four hours.
24:03 Speaker 00 Okay, if you're gonna start to be a prick about it.
24:05 Speaker 01 So, so usually I'll go to-
24:06 Speaker 00 You wake up to go to the toilet, that's, you're still-
24:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, so if I wake up-
24:09 Speaker 00 It doesn't break your sleep time?
24:10 Speaker 01 It does, because if I wake up to go to the toilet, I then want to lie in bed for three to four hours, just laying there.
24:15 Speaker 00 Well, that's a bit different.
24:16 Speaker 01 Without going back to sleep.
24:17 Speaker 00 I feel quite spiky today, maybe I should get more sleep. Alright, go on.
24:20 Speaker 01 So, I, so all grace-
24:21 Speaker 00 So how many hours did you get last night?
24:23 Speaker 01 So all in all, probably four and a half.
24:25 Speaker 00 Total?
24:26 Speaker 01 Yeah. What I mean is, I can go to sleep really, really well, I'm great at going to sleep, that's my master thing, you know?
24:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:32 Speaker 01 I'm so good at just falling asleep, but then I'll wake up to go to the toilet, or Grace will wake me up.
24:37 Speaker 00 Waking up to go to the toilet is quite a good, but what you've got to do is, you've got to like- You know, you've got to go like that and then you walk. Do you, you sit down for a minute?
24:45 Speaker 01 No, I still stand.
24:47 Speaker 00 I mean, these are all such rookie errors.
24:49 Speaker 01 Yeah. Also, I know I look at my phone too much before.
24:52 Speaker 00 You get your phone?
24:53 Speaker 01 No, I look at my phone too much close to when I go to bed.
24:55 Speaker 00 But you don't take your phone when you go to the toilet?
24:57 Speaker 01 No, but sometimes I will. I'll look at it. If I can't go to sleep, if I've laid there for forty minutes.
25:01 Speaker 00 I know that you're looking at it every time now.
25:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:03 Speaker 00 From the way that you responded.
25:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:04 Speaker 00 So every time you wake up for a while, you're looking at your phone.
25:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:07 Speaker 00 Insanity.
25:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:08 Speaker 00 That is absolute insanity.
25:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've got an addiction.
25:12 Speaker 00 Just put your phone on the other side of the room.
25:14 Speaker 01 But where? And then it's got my alarm on it.
25:16 Speaker 00 How big is your room? I know your house is nice, but you better hear it from the other side of the room.
25:19 Speaker 01 I'll hear it, but then it's annoying if I want to put it on to snooze. I've got to go across.
25:23 Speaker 00 Well, don't put it on. That's another thing. Get rid of snooze. Snooze is a, snooze is a fallacy.
25:28 Speaker 01 I was so good. My sleeping was good, like, you know, in the fact I was getting up, getting into the gym.
25:32 Speaker 00 Why am I being so assertive with my advice?
25:34 Speaker 01 I like this side of you.
25:35 Speaker 00 What's happening to me today?
25:36 Speaker 01 I like this side of you.
25:37 Speaker 00 I don't like this type of me. So, um, so let me try and help you. Why are you snoozing?
25:42 Speaker 01 Because usually, usually what happens is I wake up about, I usually go to sleep at about ten, eleven. I wake up again about one. Then I'll be awake till about three, four. Then I'll drift off about four and then my alarm goes off at six.
25:58 Speaker 00 And then what? You'll snooze at six?
25:59 Speaker 01 Yeah. And then Catherine, Catherine usually wakes up, goes to the gym, or Grace will come in at six and then just start chatting about life.
26:08 Speaker 00 But why are you snoozing?
26:09 Speaker 01 Because I, I'm like, I need to, I need some more sleep.
26:12 Speaker 00 I just don't think snooze is good. I'm anti snooze.
26:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, I was before, but now I've fallen into a snooze addiction. So obsessed with snoozing.
26:19 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:19 Speaker 01 It's, and like all of my, everything is off kilter now. I'm not training as much. I'm not jumping in the ice bath as much. I'm not like fucking, a lot of the stuff that I put in place to make me more rounded and, and stronger. It's a bit like Iron Man if he sort of like forgot where he put his suit.
26:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, he'd still be, I mean, Tony Stark's pretty good without the suit, though.
26:39 Speaker 01 He's not as good as he is with.
26:40 Speaker 00 He's not, I, I mean, he's not as good in a comfort, comfort.
26:43 Speaker 01 Conflict.
26:43 Speaker 00 What's going on with me?
26:44 Speaker 01 Conflict.
26:46 Speaker 00 This is how I put on five hour sleep. This is how you're like, you're tipped up.
26:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, five hour sleep for me in a row is a dream.
26:53 Speaker 00 Really?
26:53 Speaker 01 I've had a great night's sleep.
26:54 Speaker 00 Hmm.
26:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:56 Speaker 00 You should be getting eight.
26:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, who's getting eight night, eight hours?
26:59 Speaker 00 A lot of people are.
26:59 Speaker 01 Who? Who? How?
27:01 Speaker 00 I think most people are getting between six and a half to eight.
27:05 Speaker 01 I'd love, you know what, I, and they are out there, I'd love to get a sleep expert to talk to or just give us some advice.
27:10 Speaker 00 Hmm. I mean, there's some things that you know you're getting wrong, right?
27:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course. The phone thing I'm getting wrong. But I always work well if someone from authority that I respect tells me off.
27:19 Speaker 00 What, I'm telling you?
27:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're friends.
27:22 Speaker 00 Okay, shall I be your sleep expert then? Because I think I actually know quite a bit.
27:25 Speaker 01 Okay.
27:26 Speaker 00 Um, like a therapy session?
27:27 Speaker 01 Well, yeah, sleep therapy session.
27:28 Speaker 00 Okay, that's it. Hey, mate, how are you? Uh, I'm Mickey. Uh, hello there, Mickey. Um, I'm Dr. Sacks. Please take a seat.
27:37 Speaker 01 Dr. Sacks?
27:38 Speaker 00 Hmm.
27:38 Speaker 01 What's, where's, where's that from?
27:42 Speaker 00 It's from Mauritius.
27:43 Speaker 01 Oh, cool. Never been. Would love to go one day.
27:47 Speaker 00 Sure. Uh, you seem pretty energetic for somebody. So what's exactly the problem with your sleeping?
27:52 Speaker 01 Well, uh, Mr. Sacks, um, I'm, uh, only really at the moment getting probably about three to four hours sleep at night.
28:02 Speaker 00 That's a shame. So talk me through your, what's your sleep hygiene like?
28:06 Speaker 01 Uh, well, um, I sometimes have a shower before bed.
28:10 Speaker 00 No, no, no, no, no, that's the common misunderstanding that people make. Um, sleep hygiene doesn't refer to how hygienic you are when you go to bed.
28:19 Speaker 01 Oh, my bed sheets. I wash them.
28:22 Speaker 00 Very good, Mickey. Um, no, actually, I'm laughing, but it's, it is actually a common misunderstanding. Uh, by sleep hygiene, I refer to how good your routine is before you go into bed.
28:33 Speaker 01 Uh.
28:34 Speaker 00 Talk me through an average, uh, evening for Mickey. Mickey, what is it, sorry?
28:38 Speaker 01 Uh, Valance.
28:40 Speaker 00 Mickey Valance?
28:40 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm. You probably have heard of me. I used to be a boxer. No, I saw a title fight when I was twenty-two.
28:46 Speaker 00 Does that keep you awake?
28:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, free time.
28:49 Speaker 00 Hmm. Anyway, talk me through your, uh, sleep hygiene, Nicky.
28:53 Speaker 01 Um, so, um, probably, uh, watch TV up until about nine o'clock.
28:58 Speaker 00 Mm hmm. Um. So far, so good.
29:00 Speaker 01 Uh, then I'll, um, maybe have like a chamomile tea sometimes.
29:04 Speaker 00 Great.
29:04 Speaker 01 Like chamomile tea.
29:06 Speaker 00 Really good.
29:06 Speaker 01 It does taste a bit like butthole sometimes, but, um.
29:09 Speaker 00 In what way?
29:10 Speaker 01 Well, it tastes like a butthole, like cheesy butthole.
29:12 Speaker 00 Chamomile tastes like a cheesy butthole?
29:14 Speaker 01 If you have had certain chamomiles, you can taste a bit like a sort of sweaty butthole.
29:18 Speaker 00 You'd also have had certain cheesy buttholes in order to know.
29:21 Speaker 01 No, but I used to, like I said, I was around sort of a lot of guys in the gym and.
29:25 Speaker 00 And what did they do?
29:26 Speaker 01 No, you pick up someone's shorts and go.
29:28 Speaker 00 And then taste them?
29:30 Speaker 01 I smell them to see if they were yours.
29:33 Speaker 00 That's how you'd identify people with shorts at the gym?
29:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a funny old place. Uh, uh, then I'll pray for some chamomile tea. Um, then, uh, I would, uh.
29:46 Speaker 00 I need to get emotional.
29:47 Speaker 01 Brush my teeth.
29:48 Speaker 00 Right.
29:49 Speaker 01 Uh, probably do like fifty press ups, um, and then get into bed, uh, just check my social media.
29:56 Speaker 00 Oh.
29:57 Speaker 01 Oh, sorry.
29:59 Speaker 00 First little problem.
30:00 Speaker 01 Okay.
30:00 Speaker 00 Checking social media.
30:02 Speaker 01 Right.
30:03 Speaker 00 Stop doing that.
30:04 Speaker 01 Why?
30:05 Speaker 00 Your bed needs to be sanctuary for sleep.
30:08 Speaker 01 What do you mean by that?
30:09 Speaker 00 You, what you're currently doing is when you do any other activity, the obvious one. Yeah, I get it, too.
30:16 Speaker 01 I live alone.
30:19 Speaker 01 My wife left me three years ago.
30:21 Speaker 00 Right.
30:22 Speaker 01 I've not really got over it. I'm only twenty six, but kind of feels like the end.
30:30 Speaker 00 Anyway, so, um.
30:32 Speaker 01 If I'm gonna masturbate, I don't even want it in the bed. Usually do it in the bathroom or some services.
30:39 Speaker 00 Doesn't feel like the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone.
30:42 Speaker 01 Well, I go to the services and do it.
30:44 Speaker 00 You go to the services.
30:45 Speaker 01 I get a kick out of it.
30:46 Speaker 00 In, in the, you go to the bathroom in the services rather than doing it at home in your bed?
30:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:50 Speaker 00 How close are the services to you?
30:52 Speaker 01 Like, it's a five minute walk.
30:54 Speaker 00 So what will you do? You'll arouse yourself. And then will you be fully tumescent throughout the duration of the walk?
31:00 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no. I usually just get there and I'll usually sort of have some food. Like a Burger King or a KFC or sometimes they've got a Taco Bell there.
31:09 Speaker 00 Hmm.
31:10 Speaker 01 And then I'll just go downstairs and do what I do.
31:14 Speaker 00 Have you tried not doing that?
31:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, I gave up for like a month, but I'd have missed it. It's a sort of big part of my social. I don't get to meet a lot of new.
31:22 Speaker 00 Going to the service station toilets to wank was one of your social activities?
31:28 Speaker 01 Not the wanking, but like, just, not the wanking itself, just the interaction with the people who work. Work in a faraway place and.
31:36 Speaker 00 Does any part of you think that maybe the reason you're staying awake is because you suspect some of them might know what you're going there for?
31:42 Speaker 01 No, I'm pretty, I'm pretty sneaky when it comes to masturbating at services. I don't think anyone knows.
31:48 Speaker 00 I mean, a lot of people sort of say male podcasts are getting based, but we've, we've dodged that bullet by talking about both shitting and wanking in one episode.
32:01 Speaker 00 What do you want to do? Do you want to do a role play about farts now?
32:10 Speaker 01 I just, it was a complex, as a therapist, I was sort of giving you something.
32:14 Speaker 00 Right, right, right.
32:15 Speaker 01 To delve a little bit deeper.
32:15 Speaker 00 Anyway, you shouldn't be looking in your phone in bed.
32:18 Speaker 01 I won't do it again, for definite. Thank you.
32:20 Speaker 00 The bed needs to be a sleep sanctuary.
32:22 Speaker 01 Yep.
32:22 Speaker 00 The only thing you do in bed is sleep.
32:24 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
32:25 Speaker 00 Okay.
32:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:25 Speaker 00 What's happening now is your brain is getting associated. It's associating the bed with other things.
32:31 Speaker 01 What about looking at my watch?
32:32 Speaker 00 How often are you looking at a watch in bed?
32:34 Speaker 01 Um, if I wake up.
32:35 Speaker 00 Do you wear your watch to bed?
32:37 Speaker 01 No, I have it by the side of the bed. I wake up and go, oh.
32:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's, that's fine.
32:43 Speaker 01 Okay. Sometimes, uh, I'll like make a sandwich at night and sort of sit and eat in bed.
32:49 Speaker 00 Don't do that anymore.
32:50 Speaker 01 Okay. So literally just sleeping in there?
32:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
32:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
32:53 Speaker 00 Yeah. Yeah, nothing apart from.
32:56 Speaker 01 Okay. Cool. Thank you, Dr Sax.
33:00 Speaker 00 Yeah. Do you think when we do these role plays, you know what I feel like? I feel like the initial premise feels good and then we're just trapped, aren't we?
33:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:08 Speaker 00 We're in a prison. When you, when you watch sketches.
33:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:12 Speaker 00 They've obviously worked towards a final punchline.
33:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:15 Speaker 00 What, what we've got is the initial, I mean, I can't bring myself to say and scene every time. It's fucking insane. I mean, if I hadn't have stopped that then, this would have been the whole thing.
33:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I'd have.
33:27 Speaker 00 Because you, you don't ever bail.
33:28 Speaker 01 I'm in character though. That's my.
33:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, I know, but at some point you've got to go, it's time to fucking pull the parachute.
33:34 Speaker 01 I'd have left it as Mickey and spent the rest of, until you called Zane, I'd, I'd have been him. That's how I am. I'm not, I can't be half in, half out. If I'm in, I'm in.
33:45 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay. All right. Well, good luck with your slate.
33:48 Speaker 04 The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the colour of lemons, not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7-Up is fighting back with their new Lime Lemon Soda. Now lime comes first. 7-Up, flip the sip.
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34:50 Speaker 01 What's been going on in your world, my friend? My darling?
34:54 Speaker 00 Well, nothing really that interesting, although the boys are... I'm sort of reluctant to talk about the personal, but you know, I talked about, we talked about parenting and...
35:03 Speaker 01 Yep, yep, yep.
35:04 Speaker 00 The boys have all got girlfriends.
35:06 Speaker 01 What, all three of them?
35:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:08 Speaker 01 Wow!
35:10 Speaker 00 The, the, the problem I'm facing is that, that, you know...
35:12 Speaker 01 You're literally, by the way, now that they've all got girlfriends and stuff, you're tiptoeing into becoming like a dynasty.
35:18 Speaker 00 How do you mean?
35:19 Speaker 01 Well, you know, they're all getting girlfriends, it's like, you know...
35:22 Speaker 00 Well, I was talking to...
35:23 Speaker 01 They're gonna bring their families.
35:25 Speaker 00 I was talking to Lisa, what would be really cool, I said to her, imagine if, um, you know, Theo, say, it might not be this girl, but Theo decides to get married and, um, we go to his wedding and it's like a really, you know, imagine, I said to Lisa, imagine how proud you feel as you see your son sort of declare his love for, you know, his wife and then, um, you get the opportunity to grind on him.
35:53 Speaker 01 I think Victoria Beckham.
35:54 Speaker 00 That seems to be the new tradition.
35:56 Speaker 01 By the way, I think that's an old tradition, I know this is probably gonna be old hat.
35:58 Speaker 00 What, grinding up on the...
35:59 Speaker 01 No, I think that she's just had a couple too many wines and she's just turned it around, I'm gonna, this is gonna be quite old hat by the time this goes out, but, but she was just drunk and just going, "Come on, come and have a dance here mum, come and have a dance for your old mum", it's been happening since dancing was invented.
36:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:14 Speaker 01 Probably happened at Jesus's 21st.
36:16 Speaker 00 We think Mary said, "Come and have a dance to your old mum", and tell me, who was it that Jesus married again?
36:23 Speaker 01 Mary Magdalene, no?
36:25 Speaker 00 Did he?
36:25 Speaker 01 I think so, I think they were, yeah, they definitely got out together, it's quite serious.
36:28 Speaker 00 Jesus and Mary Magdalene were going out together?
36:30 Speaker 01 I think so, yeah.
36:31 Speaker 00 It's quite serious?
36:32 Speaker 01 From what I remember, yeah.
36:33 Speaker 00 Okay, fine. Um, let's move on, fucking hell.
36:37 Speaker 01 So, hold up, so they're all going...
36:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, so anyway, it hasn't happened yet, but what I'm nervous about is, we are now... Moving into an era of me being the sort of the least experienced with women in the house.
36:48 Speaker 01 No, can I also say you're moving into an era, because certainly Theo will wanna bring her back.
36:53 Speaker 00 She already has done.
36:54 Speaker 01 What? Oh, how can you say this story without start? I need to know everything. Were you there?
37:01 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:02 Speaker 01 Oh, how did you play it?
37:03 Speaker 00 Well, I already knew her, so it's not really.
37:05 Speaker 01 What do you mean you already knew her?
37:06 Speaker 00 Because they go to the same thing. I'd met her before. I know her.
37:09 Speaker 01 Did you know they could potentially become romantic? Did you go to Theo? She is, she's, I'll tell you something, she's a cracker, that one.
37:16 Speaker 00 I'm certainly not, I'm absolutely never, ever going to do that, no.
37:22 Speaker 01 She's a lovely girl, that one. She's a really sweet girl. That's the kind of gal that I'd like to see you bring home.
37:28 Speaker 00 No, I didn't say any of that.
37:29 Speaker 01 Okay, so how did you roll when?
37:32 Speaker 00 No, I didn't. I kept my nose out of it. And then just one day, they, you know, I said hello.
37:37 Speaker 01 Did you play it cool, call dad or? Be honest now. Just be honest, because the listeners deserve that. Did, did you play it cool?
37:50 Speaker 00 It's just a bit, I was just a bit, I was a bit like flustered.
37:54 Speaker 01 What did you wear for a start?
37:56 Speaker 00 What do you mean, what did I wear? I'm in my fucking house.
37:58 Speaker 01 No, yeah, but, yeah, but you put a shirt and trousers.
38:00 Speaker 00 What's going on with me today?
38:01 Speaker 01 You put a shirt and trousers on?
38:02 Speaker 00 No.
38:03 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:03 Speaker 00 They didn't, we weren't having dinner together. They just, they just came back to hang out. So it wasn't like an affair. What, even my tone in my voice there was like.
38:11 Speaker 01 You've got a vibe to you.
38:12 Speaker 00 What's going on now?
38:12 Speaker 01 I don't know, I think you're a bit.
38:13 Speaker 00 Hold on, can we just try?
38:14 Speaker 01 This is why we started talking about.
38:15 Speaker 00 No, no, I need to, I need to chill myself out. This is bad. I've don't, I'm not like my tone on any of this.
38:20 Speaker 01 You, but you've got a vibe about you. You can't hide that vibe.
38:24 Speaker 00 No, but I don't like it. We're gonna get complaints. People are gonna say I'm bullying you. I can hear, can you hear it?
38:30 Speaker 01 Can I just say the bullying thing?
38:31 Speaker 00 Tom, can you hear it in my voice?
38:33 Speaker 01 I, I, I've spent most of my life getting bullied. This is my favourite version of it.
38:40 Speaker 00 Okay, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for the rest of the episode. How long we got rest of the episode? How long we got?
38:44 Speaker 01 Do you know what?
38:45 Speaker 00 About two minutes.
38:46 Speaker 01 I think what we need to do, I think we need to take a moment. Well, I think, I think at the mo, I think we need something to take you away from this, to take your head to another place. I've actually got a little something for you, a gift, because actually it might cheer you up.
38:59 Speaker 00 Okay, go on. You've got a gift?
39:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:03 Speaker 00 Fuck off.
39:04 Speaker 01 What?
39:06 Speaker 00 The hot chip challenge?
39:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:07 Speaker 00 Are you mental?
39:08 Speaker 01 No, I think it's great.
39:09 Speaker 00 Have you got one for yourself?
39:11 Speaker 01 No, it's just for you.
39:13 Speaker 00 Why have you got me this? I'm supposed to be-
39:15 Speaker 01 This is a lovely gift.
39:17 Speaker 00 That's not a lovely gift.
39:18 Speaker 01 That's a really nice gift.
39:20 Speaker 00 Well, I'm not gonna eat it now.
39:21 Speaker 01 What do you mean you're not gonna eat it now?
39:23 Speaker 00 I've just, can I just say, I've just told you I'm really stressed out and you've got this.
39:28 Speaker 01 I think it's a nice present to take your mind off things.
39:31 Speaker 00 Alright, shall we do half H?
39:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'll do half with you.
39:33 Speaker 00 Okay, I think we just have a little tiny nibble.
39:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:36 Speaker 00 Right, can you take it out?
39:37 Speaker 01 I feel you know when you're a kid and you're at a nightclub.
39:39 Speaker 00 Why have you got this, by the way?
39:40 Speaker 01 I just thought it'd be fun.
39:41 Speaker 00 Oh, it's happening again. This is, I'm supposed to chill out. Okay, hold on, let me try again. Oh, thanks for doing this, man.
39:46 Speaker 01 That's okay.
39:47 Speaker 00 It's really sweet, let's try a little bit.
39:48 Speaker 01 Do you wanna bite or first or second?
39:51 Speaker 00 I'll go second.
39:52 Speaker 01 Okay.
39:52 Speaker 00 I just wanna see what size bite you go for.
39:55 Speaker 01 You've just gotta go in, haven't you?
39:58 Speaker 00 I d- I didn't buy this. I didn't want to do this.
40:07 Speaker 01 Oh, wow, Jesus. I know you've got to see who can go longest without having a drink.
40:20 Speaker 01 Oh my god, that is hot. You find that hot? I'm sweating.
40:24 Speaker 00 So far, I don't mind it.
40:26 Speaker 01 Are you joking? You could probably eat the whole thing then.
40:29 Speaker 00 No, don't try and fuck me up.
40:30 Speaker 01 You're just, oh my god. You, I'm, this is not, like, I'm literally in a fight with, like-
40:38 Speaker 00 I actually think it's, I'm actually, I've only had a little bit. How much did I have?
40:42 Speaker 01 Oh my god, how are you not?
40:44 Speaker 00 I'm sure, I'm just waiting for it to really-
40:49 Speaker 01 I have so much respect for you.
40:50 Speaker 00 I'm pretty chilled about it.
40:52 Speaker 01 Really?
40:55 Speaker 00 Well, hold on a sec.
40:57 Speaker 01 Jesus.
40:59 Speaker 00 Sort of, it builds though, doesn't it?
41:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:04 Speaker 01 Jesus Christ, how's that?
41:07 Speaker 00 Do you know what? It's actually not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. I, I don't think I could eat the whole one, though.
41:10 Speaker 01 My mouth is numb.
41:13 Speaker 01 That's massively backfired on me. Like, I literally thought that would be so much. I don't know why I even bothered having a bite. That's literally fucked me up so badly.
41:23 Speaker 01 My cheeks are sweating. I literally, even like, my cheeks are so sweaty. Oh, God.
41:31 Speaker 01 Oh, my Lord. How are you not reacting? It's so... How much did you eat and how much did I eat?
41:37 Speaker 00 So, look, you must have had more than me.
41:45 Speaker 01 I think you need another bite.
41:46 Speaker 00 Alright.
41:51 Speaker 00 No, I've had more than you.
41:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, you definitely had more than me, no. Oh, God. Oh my, my nose is streaming.
41:59 Speaker 01 Maybe you didn't have a bit with much spice on it.
42:04 Speaker 01 Is that genuinely not affecting you?
42:05 Speaker 00 I did, it is hot. Yeah, it's not, it's...
42:08 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. I literally need a shit straight away. I'm not even joking. That has gone straight to my tummy. Oh, my gosh.
42:20 Speaker 01 I literally brought that to fuck with you. And I, I thought, I've had one before. I thought I'd have some sort of immunity. And that has absolutely fucked my...
42:33 Speaker 01 I eat lit, I'm now, I mean, that, yeah.
42:36 Speaker 00 But it is hot, though.
42:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's, I know it's fucked. What do you mean, say like you've got to convince me? I'm not sure.
42:41 Speaker 00 Have you had some milk?
42:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've drunk that whole milk. Downed it. Oh, God. What was I even drinking?
42:51 Speaker 00 Thanks so much for bringing that. Tom, could you do us the honours of taking us out?
42:57 Speaker 01 Life is full of challenges. Sometimes it's a challenge you set yourself, or sometimes it's one that you set other people.
43:06 Speaker 01 It's always worth knowing your limitations in life.
43:10 Speaker 01 Even when you're doing something that you might have done before and thought, actually, I don't remember it being that bad, but it is worse than you imagined.
43:21 Speaker 01 My glasses are so steamed up. I'm literally in bits.
43:28 Speaker 01 Always think responsibly. What have you got? What is there to gain from challenging yourself? And if it isn't something that will change your financial circumstance and your family's livelihoods, then probably just leave it behind. Thank you for listening. God almighty, I'm literally in bits.
43:48 Speaker 00 This has been the Wolf and Al Podcast. Thank you so much for listening and watching. [email protected] for any emails, queries, pictures, stories, anything you like.
44:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:04 Speaker 00 Peace!
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