Joe List

Comedian Joe List (Tuesdays with Stories, Fourth of July) pulls up to Whiskey Ginger for a sharp, honest hang about anxiety vs. confidence, joke density, and building hours that actually last. We get into NYC club life, bombing with grace, writing clean(ish) killers, and how he shaped his new special SMALL BALL. Watch SMALL BALL free on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXAEFZ-z_ns Clip it, share it, and tell us your favorite Joe bit. 🍊 FOLLOW SANTINO & THE SHOW • Santino IG: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ #WhiskeyGinger #JoeList #SmallBall #TuesdaysWithStories #AndrewSantino #ComedyPodcast ======================================================== Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE SAVE 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey MONARCH MONEY PROMO CODE: WHISKEY 50% OFF THE FIRST YEAR https://monarchmoney.com ======================================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your wins with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their Buy 3 Get 1 Free offer and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-2-6.

• 0:36Speaker 00

  We all want to stay healthy for as long as humanly possible. It seems like a lofty goal, but it can be effortless to get started with Aura. Aura helps you tune into your holistic health with a small ring that measures more than 50 metrics, all from your finger. It looks like any other ring, goes great with any look, and is so comfortable, I never want to take it off. Aura tracks your sleep and activity automatically. It monitors your stress, heart health, and gives you in-depth insights into your cycle. Then Aura brings your personal health data into the app to show you how it's all connected, what to pay attention to, and what you can do next. The more you understand your body, the better you can live in it. Wear your best life with Aura.

• 1:20Andrew Santino?

  What up, C-Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We've got a good one for you today, and I am on tour. I am on the road, hitting the road again. I'm going to be at the Punch Line in San Francisco Halloween weekend. I think it's all sold out, but there is a waiting list. Then I'm down in Brea Improv. Brea, come out and see your boy. Tempe Improv, my return to Arizona State University. Two shows I think are already sold out. Grab those tickets. Then I go to Hammond, Indiana, down at The Horseshoe during the week before Turkey Day. I'm in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, in the new year. Bethlehem, PA, God bless. Hanover, Maryland. The Borgata in Atlantic City, New Jersey is selling fast. I love you. Thank you, Atlantic City. Then Harris in Valley Center, which is by San Diego. That's my little homage to Bobby.

• 2:04Andrew Santino?

  Canyonville, Oregon for Lover's Day for February 14th, V-Day. And then I'm at the Win Casino in Las Vegas. The Win, I'm excited to come back out to Las Vegas. Go get your ticket to andrewsantino.com. Andrew Santino dot com.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 2:24Speaker 04

  Sturdy and ginger.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 2:27Speaker 04

  Ginger's a beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 2:40Speaker 05

  No, no, I do remember.

• 2:41Andrew Santino?

  No dude, fuck you. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I'm meeting him once again today. It is Joe List, who right away pissed me off. Who came into the studio with an uncharged phone and a charger from 1999.

• 2:54Speaker 05

  Well, you-

• 2:54Andrew Santino?

  And he's wet.

• 2:55Speaker 05

  Fucked me.

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  I did, I fucked you a little bit.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  You changed the time, well, it's good, I like the time. Big time change, it's great. I knew you were gonna change the times. I could tell right away, you were like, what day, what day are you staying? And I was like, oh, fuck me hard. But, so I have two hotels currently. I'm doing very well.

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 05

  Uh, I'm working in Irvine, California, which is like an hour, or fucking seven hours if you leave at the wrong time.

• 3:17Andrew Santino?

  Depends on when you leave.

• 3:18Speaker 05

  And, um, so I came back to Hollywood and, uh, I forgot all my stuff. I didn't bring a phone charger, I didn't bring a change of clothes.

• 3:26Andrew Santino?

  But I did you a favor because A, you got to have dinner with a friend.

• 3:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 3:29Andrew Santino?

  Then you get to see me, and then you get to beat traffic on the way back down.

• 3:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:33Andrew Santino?

  So you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome.

• 3:35Speaker 05

  And I beat traffic last night, I came back after the show, and I got a fucking intense workout in.

• 3:39Andrew Santino?

  What'd you do, a HIIT class?

• 3:41Speaker 05

  Some kind of HIIT class, it was, uh, I don't know, Equinox, I go to Equinox. I'm just throwing all my success, two hotels, go to Equinox, how you doing, folks?

• 3:48Andrew Santino?

  Jesus.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  And-

• 3:49Andrew Santino?

  Do not support him, don't go see him live. He doesn't need your money anymore. He's going to Equinox and he has two hotels in every city.

• 3:56Speaker 05

  Well, I didn't pay for one of the hotels. And you, I think you owe me for the second hotel.

• 4:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, here.

• 4:02Speaker 05

  It was eight hundred and fifty dollars.

• 4:04Andrew Santino?

  The Ziggy Hotel?

• 4:05Speaker 05

  No, no, it's two hundred bucks.

• 4:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:07Speaker 05

  But I didn't bring any of my shit and I took a workout class. Our, your friend and my, Karen Feehan, you know her Karen?

• 4:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  Close friend of mine, babysitter, neighbor, best buddy. Rumors that we're having an affair, we're not.

• 4:16Andrew Santino?

  Ooh! Let's start it right now, internet.

• 4:19Speaker 05

  Let's not start it, it's been going.

• 4:20Andrew Santino?

  Let's keep it moving, uh, Karen Feehan and Joe List, big affair. She's the babysitter, unrequited comedy love. Um, keep that ruminating around the internet, guys, let's get that moving.

• 4:31Speaker 05

  No, no, it's really moving, very much.

• 4:33Andrew Santino?

  Who started this? Like, the internet said it once and then you fucking thought it was real?

• 4:38Speaker 05

  No, no, people start, well, there's, you know, there's, you know, certain internet guys.

• 4:42Andrew Santino?

  Is she friends with your wife?

• 4:43Speaker 05

  She's very close with my wife, but my wife had a great line, she goes, "If you guys are having an affair, egg on my face." Because the three of us just hang out all the time, she watches our baby.

• 4:52Andrew Santino?

  Egg on my face!

• 4:54Speaker 05

  But, uh, but anyways, so she's a big workout freak, not maniac. And I have my gym membership and she's like, "Let me go use your thing." She's like, "Let's take a class," she signs us up for a class, "I'm a sweaty fucking mess, I, I killed it." And then I didn't bring another shirt.

• 5:11Andrew Santino?

  It's okay, buddy.

• 5:11Speaker 05

  So you gave me this purple shirt.

• 5:14Andrew Santino?

  It was, yeah, these are our test shirts from Uniqlo to see if we want to print on them.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  What do you think?

• 5:20Andrew Santino?

  I don't think we're gonna use it.

• 5:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's not great. Well, it doesn't breathe, it's very firm and stiff.

• 5:26Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's, that's kind of their style, that's like new, young kids like stiff, uh, we're old, dude. What are you, what are you, how old are you now?

• 5:31Speaker 05

  Forty-three. Fuck, how old are you?

• 5:34Andrew Santino?

  Same, yeah, forty-two, yeah, isn't that suck?

• 5:37Speaker 05

  I think it's okay.

• 5:38Andrew Santino?

  No, I just think what's weird is that I'm re-reminded of it all the time. Like, when I go somewhere in the comedy world, I'm like, "Oh, fuck, we are getting much older." Because I see like the young cliques of young comics and all that shit and I'm like, "Mm, man, we are getting older." Because I remember looking at the older guys when we were in our twenties and making fun of them. By like their wet shirts, you know? It's like, look at all the wet shirt old guys.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  Well, every MC when I work on the road was born after nine eleven. They're all like twenty years old.

• 6:05Andrew Santino?

  I know, we gotta do it again. They gotta do it again so they have something to remember, you know?

• 6:09Speaker 05

  That's not a bad idea.

• 6:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 6:11Speaker 05

  Let's get it going. I think we could pull it off. I think if you and I put our heads together, we could fucking take down a building or two.

• 6:16Andrew Santino?

  Take it down a building, maybe.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  How hard is it?

• 6:18Andrew Santino?

  It does, well, I mean, they did it, you know? And they did a good job, when I say they, of course, I mean... George Bush.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  W.

• 6:27Andrew Santino?

  George W. Bush in between painting, in between all of his paintings. Uh, Joseph List, yes, it's been a long time. I haven't seen you in a long time.

• 6:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was here. I sat right here.

• 6:37Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 6:37Speaker 05

  We did the show. I killed.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  Even when I come to New York, I don't really see you because you're not really around for some reason. I don't know why that is.

• 6:44Speaker 05

  Well, I have a child. No, I have a child. Well, I mean, I don't, you don't reach out.

• 6:49Andrew Santino?

  You don't reach out.

• 6:51Speaker 05

  Well, I don't know that you're gonna be in town.

• 6:52Andrew Santino?

  Yes, you do. Everybody knows that I'm gonna be in town.

• 6:54Speaker 05

  You have to text, "Hey, I'm coming to town," and I would say, "Hey, let's get together." But I'm a, I'm a early bed guy.

• 6:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know.

• 6:59Speaker 05

  I like to go to bed.

• 7:00Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'm not going out. I'm not like Mr. Stay Out. Actually, that's not true. When I go to New York, I do like to stay out late for food. I will eat late night food and hang out. No late night boozing in New York because that's just worthless.

• 7:11Speaker 05

  What do you mean? How so?

• 7:12Andrew Santino?

  I'm just not really staying out late drinking like I used to when I was a young lad.

• 7:16Speaker 05

  But you said New York, like specifically.

• 7:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because New York, you can. You can't do that here. You don't stay out late in L.A. We close at like midnight.

• 7:23Speaker 05

  Is that right? Maybe we should move here.

• 7:24Andrew Santino?

  L.A.'s, dude, it's, I mean, you get land, that's for sure. You get a place. What do you, are you in the city?

• 7:30Speaker 05

  I live in Battery Park City, yeah.

• 7:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh, dude, get out. What are you doing? Come over here.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  It's beautiful. It's all children. It's a, it's a perfect, I have a two-year-old son and it's all kids and yards and grass. Not yards, that's ridiculous.

• 7:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's no yards.

• 7:41Speaker 05

  But parks.

• 7:41Andrew Santino?

  There's parks.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:42Andrew Santino?

  But here you get parks and yards if you want it. You get sunshine and you get vapid, phony, fake people. The best part is about the vapidness of L.A. is we don't pretend anymore. We don't like say no. Yeah, it's vapid and fake, big fucking, I think if you walk into it, it's better. And also, we, Hollywood's dead. So it's kind of perfect. Like everyone's gone, people are leaving in masses. It's opening up a great hole of like, a new world to move in here.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  Right, but, well, you have very nasty, frightening homeless people in Hollywood.

• 8:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I, we, I'm in, I'm in the valley up here. This is the suburbs.

• 8:19Speaker 05

  I do love the valley.

• 8:20Andrew Santino?

  This is basically Jersey, is really what it is.

• 8:23Speaker 05

  The valley's wonderful. I do love L.A. Yeah, maybe we'll come here. What do I know?

• 8:26Andrew Santino?

  Please, please.

• 8:27Speaker 05

  But then you got LAX, it's a very long ride to the airport.

• 8:30Andrew Santino?

  JFK sucks shit too.

• 8:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's true. But the West Coast travel, to work the road from the West Coast just seems fucking awful.

• 8:36Andrew Santino?

  It's stupid. It is very stupid.

• 8:37Speaker 05

  Like you have to leave at four in the morning to get to Cleveland. For a show, or leave the night before.

• 8:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, it does suck. But the, the only good thing about it is, um...

• 8:48Speaker 05

  Think of something.

• 8:49Andrew Santino?

  Sun. We have sun.

• 8:51Speaker 05

  The sun is nice.

• 8:51Andrew Santino?

  It's just nice to be warm in the morning when I walk my dog. I like to be warm. It's February and I'll be warm. Is that worth the 13% taxes and the homelessness and the crime and the slew of like

• 9:03Andrew Santino?

  terrible shit that's going on?

• 9:04Speaker 05

  Earthquakes, gangs, drought, mudslides.

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  Gay gangs, no less. I mean, those guys are real tough.

• 9:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:10Andrew Santino?

  They'll fuck you and rob you.

• 9:14Speaker 05

  But no, I do love it. You know, it's a whole thing. You gotta come out here and I, I love LA because it's magical. I'm driving around, I'm like, Tom Hanks is here.

• 9:21Andrew Santino?

  He is.

• 9:22Speaker 05

  Steven Spielberg is here.

• 9:23Andrew Santino?

  He's naming all the people that went to Epstein's Island at this point?

• 9:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, Bill Clinton, he's here.

• 9:27Andrew Santino?

  He's here.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  But you know, all the people, Jim Carrey lives here and Eddie Murphy and the other people.

• 9:33Andrew Santino?

  Those people kind of live wherever they need to live. Like, they're so famous and rich, they just do whatever. They don't really stay here.

• 9:38Speaker 05

  Yes, and me, man. Tom Hanks is here. He's in my car right now.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  Tom is here.

• 9:42Speaker 05

  He's on the hood of my trunk.

• 9:44Andrew Santino?

  Let me out! Yeah, that's my Seinfeld Tom Hanks. Seinfeld Tom Hanks. Seinfeld Tom Hanks.

• 9:50Speaker 05

  I have AIDS! I live in Philadelphia! I'm riddled with AIDS! Do you know Jerry? You like Jerry?

• 9:58Andrew Santino?

  Oh, boy. Here we go.

• 9:59Speaker 05

  No? Alright.

• 10:00Andrew Santino?

  I don't know Jerry. I've never met Jerry. I respect him tremendously.

• 10:07Andrew Santino?

  That's it.

• 10:07Speaker 05

  Alright, I don't want to get anyone in trouble here.

• 10:09Andrew Santino?

  You're probably good friends with him.

• 10:10Speaker 05

  I don't know him at all. No, I don't know him. I was, I've, I've been, I brought him on stage once at Gotham and I was, we were both at Colin Quinn's wedding. He was dancing next to me and I was doing the Elaine behind his back, which I thought was funny.

• 10:21Andrew Santino?

  That's so good.

• 10:22Speaker 05

  And I was like, huh? And everyone was like, please stop doing that. So, I don't, I don't know him at all.

• 10:26Andrew Santino?

  I respect him tremendously. I feel like East Coast comics have a different vibe and love for him, the way like Norman loves, you know, that whole, I feel like you guys respect and love that guy in a way that we don't, maybe?

• 10:38Speaker 05

  Well, I love the show. I mean, we grew up on the show.

• 10:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's why I always say, I like Larry David.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm more of a Larry guy.

• 10:44Andrew Santino?

  I'm a massive Larry Day fan.

• 10:45Speaker 05

  Big Larry. You were on the show.

• 10:46Andrew Santino?

  I did one episode.

• 10:47Speaker 05

  That was my dream. I auditioned like, I did like nine auditions. I told my agent, my manager, I'm like, I'm gonna kill all of you and myself if I don't get on the show. And I'm sure you've had this many times. I auditioned and did the whole thing and I was like, I fucking nailed it.

• 11:00Andrew Santino?

  Nailed it.

• 11:00Speaker 05

  You don't get it. You watch the show and you're like, this guy's so much better than me.

• 11:04Andrew Santino?

  Who's, what the part, do you remember the parts that you were going out for?

• 11:06Speaker 05

  One of the parts, well, it was all the last season, which I didn't love, and it was-

• 11:10Andrew Santino?

  It was still okay.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  It was still okay. But the first like three, four seasons are just magical.

• 11:15Andrew Santino?

  I see season what? I'm trying to think. Season three?

• 11:18Speaker 05

  Season three is the, the restaurant. It's fucking unbelievable.

• 11:21Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievable.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  Um, but the part-

• 11:23Andrew Santino?

  The Palestinian restaurant?

• 11:24Speaker 05

  That one was later.

• 11:25Andrew Santino?

  That was later.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was-

• 11:26Andrew Santino?

  You're talking about-

• 11:27Speaker 05

  That was a later one. That when they have the restaurant.

• 11:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, when they, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  But the part I went out for was, uh, a cook who, uh, suspects, oh, Larry's bringing his own eggs. And then the cook, he's supposed to be eat, cooking the eggs.

• 11:41Andrew Santino?

  At the country, at the country club.

• 11:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. But I was like, I'm not a country club cook.

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, why, why would you not be?

• 11:47Speaker 05

  Well-

• 11:47Andrew Santino?

  I disagree. I think you could have been great for that.

• 11:49Speaker 05

  Really?

• 11:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I'm instilling confidence in people that I respect and appreciate.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  I appreciate that. I'm very low on confidence.

• 11:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you need a little bit more.

• 11:55Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 11:56Andrew Santino?

  Good looking, funny, smart, beautiful wife, kid, successful comedy career, tall, in shape, sober, um, great friendship circle, loyal, uh, intellectual, inquisitive.

• 12:09Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 12:10Andrew Santino?

  Um-

• 12:11Speaker 05

  That's enough.

• 12:12Andrew Santino?

  That's enough.

• 12:12Speaker 05

  That's 13.

• 12:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I feel like I don't need to give you anymore. That was a lot. Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 05

  I mean, I'm, I'm touched. I don't know if you meant any of it, but it really, it helped me.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  There's one of them I meant.

• 12:19Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 12:19Andrew Santino?

  You'll figure it out when it's over.

• 12:21Speaker 05

  I appreciate it. But, and then the other part was, uh, I'm at the movie theater or a theater and they puts a jacket, Larry puts his jacket.

• 12:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, the jacket over the, yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, I thought I nailed that too.

• 12:32Andrew Santino?

  That would have been good too.

• 12:33Speaker 05

  I know. I thought, I tried hard.

• 12:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, I went out for the, I originally, that role was originally, the one I did was supposed to be, um, the guy whose dog is named Adolf.

• 12:41Speaker 05

  Right.

• 12:42Andrew Santino?

  You remember that? When you named the dog Adolf?

• 12:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:44Andrew Santino?

  Um, and I read it and, but I, and I spoke a little bit of German because I knew it from when I was a kid. And Larry loved it, but Allison was like, you don't look fucking German, man.

• 12:58Speaker 05

  You could be German.

• 12:59Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 13:00Speaker 05

  What?

• 13:00Andrew Santino?

  This is, this is- You're talking, you're thinking about, you're thinking rationally. There's like a TV audience that are gonna be like, "That guy's an Irish guy."

• 13:09Speaker 05

  Right, right. It's a good point. Well, that's like an old story. The Godfather, they wanted Robert Redford to play Michael.

• 13:14Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 13:15Speaker 05

  And they said, you know, a lot of Italians have red hair.

• 13:18Andrew Santino?

  They do.

• 13:19Speaker 05

  And Copel said, "That's true, of course, but we don't want a redheaded fucking..."

• 13:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because that's not what Italians look like in people's mind.

• 13:25Speaker 05

  Also, Redford, R.I.P. PU. R.I.P.U., I say. Stinks. Stinks. People don't realize. Robert Redford, not great.

• 13:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 05

  He's not that great.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  He was kind of a, kind of a bad boy, huh?

• 13:37Speaker 05

  He's okay. I mean, he's a, he's, he's fine.

• 13:39Andrew Santino?

  He's dead.

• 13:40Speaker 05

  He's dead.

• 13:40Andrew Santino?

  He can say whatever he wants. Now, he's dead.

• 13:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, people get upset about this, but he's fine. And there's a small contingency of comedians that agree.

• 13:48Andrew Santino?

  What did he do that was bad? I'm not informed me.

• 13:52Speaker 05

  I'm talking actor. I'm not talking guy.

• 13:54Andrew Santino?

  Oh.

• 13:54Speaker 05

  He's just, I mean, I'm sure he's a great guy.

• 13:56Andrew Santino?

  No, you don't hear about the other stuff then.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 13:58Andrew Santino?

  Bad stuff, Robert Redford.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  No, he's just okay. He's like an okay actor.

• 14:04Andrew Santino?

  He was fine. Okay, let's do, this is really fun. Who's a very famous actor that's just okay, like this?

• 14:09Speaker 05

  Robert Redford.

• 14:10Andrew Santino?

  No, no, who's alive and working?

• 14:11Speaker 05

  I think George Clooney.

• 14:13Andrew Santino?

  He's just okay.

• 14:14Speaker 05

  I think. I think George Clooney is very George Clooney in all the movies. There's not really a George Clooney where you're like, "Whoa, holy shit." But I'm trying to break into the acting world, so maybe I shouldn't be just trashing Robert Redford and George Clooney.

• 14:26Andrew Santino?

  You're not gonna get into the acting world?

• 14:29Speaker 05

  No, you're probably right. I just signed up with a commercial agent. I didn't do commercials for like 15 years because I was trying to have integrity, but nobody seems to have any of that. So I was like, "All right, I'll be a commercial guy," and I haven't heard a peep.

• 14:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's my biggest beef is when someone's like, "Oh, who are you gonna sell out and do a..." George Carlin did Pepsi commercials. Shut the fuck up. This whole ideology of like, holier-than-thou comedian can't do, everyone is selling out in their own way. I'm about to read in about 15 minutes a boner pill on this very show.

• 14:56Speaker 05

  That's how I feel. I was like, "I don't want to be in commercials," but then I'm like, "I do a podcast. I'm literally just hocking stuff I've never opened or looked at or touched in my life."

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  I, I think the idea of selling out is more the aspect of like, you put out...

• 15:11Andrew Santino?

  Art that you don't wanna make that you're just doing it for other people, then it's, then that's selling out. If you completely change the way you create stand-up or art or whatever, or your film, or like whatever. If you made it not from your perspective, you're like, well, they just want me to make it this way. That's selling out.

• 15:28Speaker 05

  Right.

• 15:28Andrew Santino?

  That, that, everything else is just making money in the business in which we exist in. I have no, I have almost no control over how the business continues to change. And also when we're gonna be fucked off. You're a fool if you think this thing is going to stay in this great coasting, we're fucked.

• 15:43Speaker 05

  That's how I feel.

• 15:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're fu- we're, we're all gonna get fucked off into space. So you might as well just enjoy it, do the best you can. Help other people, be nice, be generous, and then you're, and then we'll die and no one will remember you, nobody will care. Watch Joe List's special right now on YouTube.

• 15:59Speaker 05

  Small Ball, it's called. Check it out, please, for the love of Christ.

• 16:04Andrew Santino?

  Applaud you generously, by the way, for you're one of the funniest dudes I know after so many years. And also you always put out great shit, and, um, the YouTube route is the great route, huh? It's been fucking killing for you.

• 16:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've been loving it, and we try, we tried to do the Netflix and they weren't interested.

• 16:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but who fucking cares?

• 16:20Speaker 05

  Then you kinda go, ah, the YouTube's pretty good anyways.

• 16:22Andrew Santino?

  YouTube's really great. What's your highest, on your fucking last special was what, how many?

• 16:26Speaker 05

  Well, they're going in descending order. One has 10 million.

• 16:30Andrew Santino?

  10 million, though.

• 16:30Speaker 05

  The next one has 2 and a half million, the next one after that has 1.2 million, and the most recent one has like 900,000. But it's also on Hulu or whatever the fuck, Amazon, so maybe some of those are on there. But, uh, but what are you gonna do? I have a small core group of people that keep watching.

• 16:47Andrew Santino?

  I think you have a big, small core, a million people is a shitload of people.

• 16:51Speaker 05

  That's true.

• 16:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think, I think you give yourself some credit. You have a great group of people.

• 16:55Speaker 05

  I do well. And all the people- Don't you find it's hard because now you're, I'm like more successful than almost every comedian that's ever done comedy. But, there's like 12 guys that I'm close friends with that own jets and helicopters and fly in space packs to their stadium shows. So you feel like, oh god, I'm a failure, and comedy fans think that there are 30 comedians.

• 17:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 05

  They don't realize there's 17,000 comedians that are worthless pieces of shit below me. They only see- You know Shane and Nate, Bill Burr and yeah, you, we'll throw you in there.

• 17:30Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  And then there's like this distance to me and they're like, wow, this guy failed. But I'm like, you've never heard of these deadbeats that went nowhere. That suck ass, you know?

• 17:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you should start, let's, here's a list of names right here, we're putting them on the screen right now. All the deadbeat comics that Joe hates.

• 17:48Speaker 05

  Look at all those, that guy, yeah, he sucks. That's great, I like him, but yeah, he failed.

• 17:54Andrew Santino?

  He failed.

• 17:55Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 17:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're right, though, that is a very weird, but that's at every level, though, right? Like I, Shane and Nate and those guys, like I don't, that's fucking, that's way.

• 18:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:04Andrew Santino?

  That's in space for us, like I do, I do clubs and theaters, which I'm very proud to be able to get to theaters. Like when I first did that, I thought that was fucking amazing. Those guys do fucking arenas and fieldhouses. Shane did fucking Notre Dame.

• 18:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's nuts.

• 18:17Andrew Santino?

  Shane's, that's insane, it's insane.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  Well, I was just at the Denver Comedy Works, which as you know, is like one of the great.

• 18:22Andrew Santino?

  Downtown or the suburbs?

• 18:23Speaker 05

  Downtown.

• 18:24Andrew Santino?

  Stay down, we gotta stay downtown.

• 18:25Speaker 05

  Downtown is where it's at.

• 18:26Andrew Santino?

  I've never been to the suburbs.

• 18:27Speaker 05

  Well, so I'm doing it, it's sold, and every show is, and people, our fans know, it's like one of the great clubs. So every show, you're like, they should put a statue of me, like I'm the best comedian of all time. And then Nate Bargatze, my dear friend, is like doing a 3pm at the arena down the street. So I'm like, let me swing down there, it's just great, they're like, ah, it's a fucking basketball arena at 3pm.

• 18:47Andrew Santino?

  It's where the Nuggets play.

• 18:48Speaker 05

  And then you just kind of like slink back over to your Denver Comedy Works bullshit, but.

• 18:52Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not bullshit.

• 18:54Speaker 05

  It's fun.

• 18:54Andrew Santino?

  It's incredible. Club comedy is always better than stadium comedy. I'm not taking a shot at all of our friends that are doing stadiums, because I enjoy doing arenas with these guys sometimes. It's fun, it's fun to be with the boys, but they're fucking not perfect comedy shows.

• 19:09Speaker 05

  No, and I did a bunch of arenas with Louis, and it's, it's, it's not great. And I cannot imagine sitting in like section 418 for a.

• 19:16Andrew Santino?

  That guy, the guy in the top corner, like fucking, what does he get this?

• 19:19Speaker 05

  I might, I might have told this story last time I was here, but I opened for Louis at Madison Square Garden, and it was like his eighth show of the month there. So it was like the last people to buy that, so it wasn't the hottest show. It was like people that were like, fine, I'll fucking go see this guy. And I was, I did 20 minutes and I was just eating shit.

• 19:36Andrew Santino?

  No, you weren't.

• 19:37Speaker 05

  I swear to God, and one, and Louis will tell you, he did, it was his least favorite show also. We were like sad after, and one guy in the balcony goes, ha ha, and he guffaws. And I almost did the, this guy gets it. But I realized it was seventeen thousand people, so I was like, alright, let me just. But I literally heard like, a guy laugh at Madison Square Garden.

• 19:56Andrew Santino?

  It echoes through the garden. Yeah, they're hard, they're, they're, you know, I did them with a bunch of different people and um, this, I know this sounds like, uh, this sounds like the Willy Wonka, I bet the gold makes the chocolate taste terrible, you know, but it just, I, you know.

• 20:13Speaker 05

  You don't wanna do that.

• 20:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, it just, it just, there's, it, comedy fans who go to see comedy, they wanna see ya, and you fucking can't see, you're watching a screen anyway from, and it's cool that we get to do that, but, I think clubs or small theaters are the coolest way to see fucking comedy, and they always will be for the rest of the time. Louis, Louis said that the other day, he was like, "Yeah dude, you're keeping those clubs alive and you get to connect with those people." You really don't connect, when it's over a couple thousand, it's hard to grasp the, the thing.

• 20:42Speaker 05

  I agree, I think even in a club, the people in the back of the room,

• 20:45Andrew Santino?

  I get scared for them too.

• 20:46Speaker 05

  It's hard for them to be engaged with the show.

• 20:47Andrew Santino?

  When it's a big club and you're like, "Fuck, I hope they're in it."

• 20:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, so, I agree, I'm never, I just had a guy comment on my Instagram, he's like, "Please never do arenas," and I was like, "I promise you, I will not be doing arenas."

• 20:59Andrew Santino?

  No Joe List Arena Tour?

• 21:01Speaker 05

  I don't think so.

• 21:02Andrew Santino?

  You could get there, dude.

• 21:04Speaker 05

  Maybe.

• 21:04Andrew Santino?

  You're funny enough. But it's if you'd want to do it.

• 21:08Speaker 05

  Well, it's about getting the people to see and, and believe that you're funny.

• 21:13Andrew Santino?

  You also have to put on a little bit more of like, yeah, there's one more stage of like, putting on the show.

• 21:18Speaker 05

  Right.

• 21:18Andrew Santino?

  You have to like, do an extra thing. You know?

• 21:20Speaker 05

  There's black people, and there's,

• 21:23Andrew Santino?

  Say it, say it, say it.

• 21:24Speaker 05

  Come on, I can't, you used to be able to, it was so fun. You could just let it fly.

• 21:29Andrew Santino?

  You really did, just toss it up in the sky.

• 21:31Speaker 05

  It was great.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what are you gonna do now? It's so restrictive.

• 21:35Speaker 05

  You can't say the N-word!

• 21:37Andrew Santino?

  You can't say the N-word!

• 21:40Speaker 05

  Well, I have, is Jay Leno, do you guys love, or you don't love? Because I have a story about Jay Leno when I was out here.

• 21:48Andrew Santino?

  I don't know Jay Leno. I've never met Jay Leno. I, um, if we're talking from a, and I'm not being political. I don't know the guy, so I don't have much to say about him. I've literally never seen him once live. So I don't know anything about Jay Leno, other than the fucking show. But I was a Letterman guy as a kid. I loved Letterman.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, me too.

• 22:05Andrew Santino?

  I was obsessed with Letterman. I thought he was like the second coming of Carson.

• 22:09Speaker 05

  Did you get to do the show?

• 22:11Andrew Santino?

  No, I only got to do one show. I got to do Conan. Conan was the only one I ever got to do.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Oh, well, there's still shows. You can still do them.

• 22:17Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no, no, that's so dumb. That's dumb.

• 22:21Speaker 05

  Check out my Fallon set from just a few months ago. I did great.

• 22:25Andrew Santino?

  No, I have no interest in doing them anymore. I, I-

• 22:27Speaker 05

  It's fun. You put a suit on, your parents watch.

• 22:29Andrew Santino?

  No, you're wrong. I feel like you're absolutely wrong. My parents, my parents don't need to watch any more stuff. I'm done. I don't like when they watch. They go, "You know, we read, we read the comments on that one video." "Oh, yeah, did you, don't do that, Mom." Yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 05

  Oh, if my parents read comments, I will have to-

• 22:42Andrew Santino?

  "We scrolled down and someone said you're a fag, cuck, liberal sellout." "Mom, well, we put that on a shirt. My son's a fag, cuck, liberal sellout." What is it, my son graduated from, I'm taking a pill right now, I forgot.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  Take a pill?

• 22:56Andrew Santino?

  Look at the size of this fucking thing.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  What is that?

• 22:59Andrew Santino?

  This is antibiotics for my eye, my right eye. Can you see? It's all droopy.

• 23:02Speaker 05

  No, it looks regular to me.

• 23:03Andrew Santino?

  I had a crazy eye infection.

• 23:04Speaker 05

  Oh, I think it looks okay.

• 23:05Andrew Santino?

  Um, uh, that's because you have some, uh, droopy eyes. You have, your glasses have some-

• 23:10Speaker 05

  What?

• 23:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do. There he is. Now he finally finds out.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  Huh?

• 23:13Andrew Santino?

  Me?

• 23:14Speaker 05

  No, my eyes are fucking fantastic. I look great.

• 23:17Andrew Santino?

  You do look good. You look better than you used to, that's for sure.

• 23:20Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 23:21Andrew Santino?

  No, that's not true. You look, you look, uh, you look the exact same. You, by the way, you haven't aged. I think you look the same since I met you.

• 23:26Speaker 05

  I have a white beard now.

• 23:28Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:29Speaker 05

  And I had a gray pubic hair.

• 23:31Andrew Santino?

  Let me see.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  I cut it off.

• 23:33Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:34Speaker 05

  With a knife. Fucking swallowed it like that pill.

• 23:37Andrew Santino?

  But I didn't do, I only did Conan. Um, and I know there's still the shows now. I just, I'm not, that's not my format. I'm not good on that stuff anyway. You're built for that dude.

• 23:46Speaker 05

  Oh, thanks. Yeah.

• 23:47Andrew Santino?

  You're a consummate joke writer.

• 23:49Speaker 05

  Thank you. I try.

• 23:50Andrew Santino?

  I'm a hack turd. I like to get up there and.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  Oh, stop that. I love your jokes. You have great jokes.

• 23:55Andrew Santino?

  But you know what? Uh, I think I like wanted Conan so bad for some reason, cause I, I really like loved him. And so when I got it, I thought, I better not try again. Cause I'll just be let down. Cause I did audition for The Tonight Show when we were young a few times and I didn't get it. And so I just kinda like gave, I was like, fuck that. I'm out. I don't know. But Fallon's gotta be kinda fun.

• 24:15Speaker 05

  It's super fun. Yeah. But I bet it doesn't have, you know, the impact, but it does well on social media, whatever.

• 24:20Andrew Santino?

  And that's all it is now.

• 24:21Speaker 05

  I always, I like it. I always say, I'm like, I like it experientially. It's fun. I get a suit and you bring the suit and they pick you up in an SUV and my, my fucking father came and my wife comes and it's the only time she comes. Folks, more jokes like that on Small Ball, YouTube.

• 24:35Andrew Santino?

  Small Ball right now on YouTube. We'll put the link in the description down below. Please go watch it.

• 24:39Speaker 05

  Um, but anyway, it's fun. You go and then you get nervous. The only time I'm nervous to do comedy and they're five minutes, there's a guy with a fucking little headset and a thing.

• 24:47Andrew Santino?

  Three, two, go, go, go.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  And they open the curtain. There's a Union fellow there that doesn't give a shit. He always, he's like, so are you a Jets fan? You're like, no, shut up. I gotta go on. And uh, it's, there's other celebrities there. It's fun. It's exciting.

• 24:59Andrew Santino?

  I get it. I just did Couch. I did a Couch recently on, on Kimmel and that's funish. And George, wait, what's wrong with me?

• 25:08Speaker 05

  Carlin?

• 25:08Andrew Santino?

  George Hamel. George Hamel?

• 25:11Speaker 05

  George Ham?

• 25:12Andrew Santino?

  George Hamel.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  Mark Hamel?

• 25:13Andrew Santino?

  Mark Hamel. Why did I say George Hamel? My brain.

• 25:16Speaker 05

  Cause George Skywalker is what you're thinking. That's his character's name.

• 25:18Andrew Santino?

  Mark Hamel. He was like, I don't know you, but I respect stand-up comedy.

• 25:24Speaker 05

  Oh, that's nice.

• 25:24Andrew Santino?

  I was like, thank you so much. And he goes, let's get a photo.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  No kidding?

• 25:28Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, no, thank you. And I fucked him off. No, no. Yeah. How funny with that people. I was like, get fucked nerd. You don't, you don't know me. Actually, and they asked me, the pre-interview was like, do you have any um, Star Wars stuff? And I was like, no. They're like, do you wanna do a connective tissue thing to, you know what I mean? They like wanna prep you for the. And I was like, no, because I don't um, I'm not a Star Wars guy.

• 25:53Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 25:53Andrew Santino?

  People are gonna get mad at me. I know. People, people always, I say that all the, no. My buddy Adam Lusick and I used to joke around. He's like, we're like, I don't like Star Wars. He's like, I don't know, I get it. We were like, it's, this world is pretty interesting. I don't know if I, I don't need another space world to believe. Have you been to Baltimore? It's fucking, that's Tatooine. Like, this is a bit together. We were, and we were joking about it, and I thought, ah, if I run that on fucking Kimmel, he'll be, you know, he'll be bummed about it. And I don't want to fucking, the Star Wars nerd fans are the same as Taylor Swift fans where they're like, they will eat you a lot. They fucking, you do not go against Star Wars fans.

• 26:29Speaker 05

  Right. I loved Star Wars as a boy. I didn't, it didn't carry over though. I don't still, I don't.

• 26:33Andrew Santino?

  See, but how? We grew up in the same era. How did you even get into it? That wasn't even part of our childhood, Star Wars, really.

• 26:37Speaker 05

  What, are you crazy?

• 26:38Andrew Santino?

  It's from the seventies.

• 26:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I came in eighty-three, was Return of the Jedi. It was a monster. It's like still going now. So I was obsessed with it. I don't know. When I was a boy, I wanted to be Luke Skywalker. I loved him. I mean, I'm talking young.

• 26:50Andrew Santino?

  I was a Ghostbusters kid. I would, that's, oh, you don't like.

• 26:54Speaker 05

  Ghostbusters came out one year after Return of the Jedi.

• 26:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Why did that hit me then?

• 26:58Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 26:59Andrew Santino?

  I think that fantasy was fun, more fun to me.

• 27:01Speaker 05

  Ghostbusters, I never loved.

• 27:03Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 27:04Speaker 05

  Yeah. I thought it wasn't nearly as funny as like Caddyshack and Vacation and stuff. I didn't get it.

• 27:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, different kind of funny, but man, I thought the nuances in there was so fucking fun. You didn't like them.

• 27:14Speaker 05

  You gotta revisit.

• 27:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think you should. I think it was very, Dr. Peter Venkman, there were some great, I think there was jokes that we didn't get when we were kids that I got when I got older.

• 27:22Speaker 05

  When I was really young, I was afraid. It was like, it was ghosts. It was scary.

• 27:26Andrew Santino?

  You were a scared boy.

• 27:27Speaker 05

  I was a big.

• 27:27Andrew Santino?

  Little pussy.

• 27:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:28Andrew Santino?

  Fucking pussy.

• 27:29Speaker 05

  I almost said the F-word, but you've already said it a hundred times.

• 27:32Andrew Santino?

  Did I say it?

• 27:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I said I'm a liberal fag cuck. Yeah, that's, well, that is what they call me online.

• 27:37Speaker 05

  I get that all the time myself.

• 27:38Andrew Santino?

  My favorite is, my favorite is someone will comment, Santino's a liberal cuck, sellout, whatever the fuck, Hollywood, da, da, da. And then a guy right below it will be like, Santino's a Trump bootlicking maga.

• 27:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get very similar things.

• 27:52Andrew Santino?

  You don't even know how you hate me.

• 27:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. I get very similar. It makes me feel good, actually.

• 27:56Andrew Santino?

  They can't decide how they hate you. I know, I do like that because you keep it a nice mystery.

• 27:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 28:00Andrew Santino?

  But I mean, you did, you were, I should, I don't know if I should say it, but a captain of Antifa for a long time. You were, or co-chairman, or what was it?

• 28:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, we don't call it chair. We call it, um. Couch. I don't know. I got nothing.

• 28:13Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I wanted it.

• 28:13Speaker 05

  I had nothing.

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  I saw you. I saw your brain weaving through it.

• 28:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, I couldn't come up with anything. And I went chair, couch, which is just silly.

• 28:24Andrew Santino?

  Hey, I'm here to tell you about Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. You may have heard of Squarespace before, but whether you're starting or scaling your business, Squarespace is going to help you with everything that you need to create a beautiful, amazing website, showcase your offerings, display what you got, put yourself out there to the world, because Squarespace has everything you need. The analytics are amazing. With the SEO tools that they provided, you're going to show up much more often to people that want to see your products, whether you're a personal trainer, a comic, or you're selling art, you're making music, or you're vlogging or blogging, it doesn't really matter. Squarespace has so much stuff for you to create something beautiful, so your fans can see it, all-in-one great website. There's videos on there, video sections. There's also a donation section on there. And they

• 29:09Andrew Santino?

  have a bunch of new product features with cutting-edge design, sorry, and email campaigns to blast out to your fanship wherever they are. So, look, if you're looking to create a new website, you've got to go to Squarespace.com. You must try it out for a free trial. Give it a whirl, if you will. Go to Squarespace.com/whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain and use that code WHISKY. Squarespace.com/whiskey, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, and then that code is whiskey. A lot of people don't know all of their finances, where their money is, where their money is going, and that's why there is Monarch Money to help you out, all right? Monarch Money is going to make you feel organized because it's an all-in-one personal finance tool

• 29:50Andrew Santino?

  that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface. We like clean interfaces on your laptop or your phone, mostly on your phone, anyway. Right now, just for the listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year. Five zero. That's pretty impressive, man. They're going to organize all your finances, because you don't have time to do that, and you're leaving money on the table. If you're making money, it's easy to get complacent with it, because it goes to bills and kids and life and car and insurance and everything. And Forbes named it the best app for couples. If you're with someone else and you're splitting finances, you want to know where your money is going with the person that you love, Monarch Money is here to help you. And it's not just another finance app, okay? There are too many of those out there. It's a tool that real professionals and experts actually love. It's named the best budgeting app of 2025 by the Wall Street Journal.

• 30:35Andrew Santino?

  And so, why not make it yours? Don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks, okay? Use the code WHISKY. WHISKY is the code, once again, at monarchmoney.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50, five zero, 50% off your first year at monarchmoney.com with our code WHISKY.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  If you want to hear my Star Wars bit, this is what I would have done in front of Mark Campbell. This is an old bit of mine when I first started, you know, it's the voice of Darth Vader, James Earl Jones.

• 31:07Andrew Santino?

  Love, the man.

• 31:08Speaker 05

  And at the end, they take the mask off of the guy, and it's not James Earl Jones. I thought it should have been, what a great plot twist. Luke Skywalker's father is just a fat black guy with a deep voice. That was like my joke, I was like 18 with like, you know. And people would go, oh yeah, he's funny. It's crazy to think about, when I was, I started as a teenage boy, and people would say, you're gonna be huge, you're big, this is gonna be, you're gonna be fucking, forget about it, guaranteed. And then I look back, and like, that was my bit, that people were like, this guy, he's got it. And then I had a joke where I said, there's a lot of empty seats, and I went to a Celtics game, a lot of empty seats for a team called the Celtics.

• 31:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god.

• 31:47Speaker 05

  And then these people were like, dude, you're gonna be huge.

• 31:49Andrew Santino?

  You're a genius. You're a fucking genius.

• 31:52Speaker 05

  And I just believed them, I was like, nice, alright, great.

• 31:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but those jokes at the time were probably impressive because of your age.

• 31:58Speaker 05

  I think because I was a teenage.

• 32:00Andrew Santino?

  You were a young lad.

• 32:01Speaker 05

  Kid, yeah.

• 32:01Andrew Santino?

  18 is crazy to start at 18.

• 32:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was young. And I also went through a, like, I was big into the Rat Pack.

• 32:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're a big Sinatra guy?

• 32:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:11Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 32:11Speaker 05

  And I, my, my mother bought me like a Sinatra fedory hat, and I wore it on stage a few times, like tilted to the side.

• 32:17Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, dude.

• 32:18Speaker 05

  And I was like 6'2", 130 pounds, and had a little fucking thing, I was like, folks.

• 32:24Speaker 05

  Ringy ding.

• 32:25Andrew Santino?

  Do you have photos of this?

• 32:26Speaker 05

  Somewhere there must be. I was just wearing it around the house.

• 32:29Andrew Santino?

  Send them to me so we can put it on the show.

• 32:30Speaker 05

  If I can find it. I mean, it's gotta be old. It's not online.

• 32:34Andrew Santino?

  What was your favorite, who was your favorite Rat Packer?

• 32:37Speaker 05

  Dean Martin's my favorite singer, the best voice of all of them, I thought. And, but I like Frank, I like the idea of like staying up late. This is part of the reason I was like such a drunk fucking idiot for so long. I like romanticized like staying up late, the hang.

• 32:52Andrew Santino?

  We all do.

• 32:53Speaker 05

  Yeah. And then after a while, you're just like, I'm just an asshole. I'm just like, Sinatra was never like shitting on the hood of a random car and like ripping mailboxes out of the, and like punting them.

• 33:02Andrew Santino?

  Well, as far as we know.

• 33:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, maybe he was.

• 33:04Andrew Santino?

  Because we, the internet didn't exist, so we don't hear those stories. You just hear them by way of, and by the way, they get turned into lore, right? Like there's an old famous story that on Palm Springs, Sinatra and Dean, I guess they would, they, when they play golf, they would request a golf cart be fully stocked with alcohol for their rounds. So they wanted someone to trail with them in a fully stocked cart of alcohol because they didn't want to have to go back to the clubhouse to get booze.

• 33:31Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 33:31Andrew Santino?

  And thus was the birthing of the drink cart for golf courses.

• 33:35Speaker 05

  No kidding?

• 33:35Andrew Santino?

  Well, this is lore. This is probably not true.

• 33:38Speaker 05

  Right.

• 33:38Andrew Santino?

  The real truth is they probably abused some young, beautiful woman, were rude to her the whole day, were drunk, smacking her ass, throwing up. Like, we have this idea of these people that they were like, oh, so cool. I bet you Sinatra was whipping his cock out on the side of the 133.

• 33:56Speaker 05

  Right.

• 33:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, while Frank threw up, I mean, while Dean threw up. For sure, they were pigs.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's a good point.

• 34:02Andrew Santino?

  I don't believe in this, like, there's a shiny veneer on the past, but like, they're, they just didn't have technology to prove that they were pigs.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  That's a great point. We're better than them.

• 34:12Andrew Santino?

  We're way better than those guys.

• 34:13Speaker 05

  We are.

• 34:14Andrew Santino?

  And you've been off the sauce for so long now. It's a distant memory.

• 34:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, most of it was pre-internet Instagram, which I'm very grateful for.

• 34:21Andrew Santino?

  You stopped, you stopped how long ago?

• 34:23Speaker 05

  2012.

• 34:23Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 34:24Speaker 05

  December 2012.

• 34:25Andrew Santino?

  December?

• 34:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:26Andrew Santino?

  Before or after Chris?

• 34:27Speaker 05

  Right after Christmas, before New Year's.

• 34:29Andrew Santino?

  You were like, that's it, that's enough.

• 34:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:32Andrew Santino?

  Did you get hammered on Christmas?

• 34:33Speaker 05

  On Christmas, I got hammered. I was like blacked out on, on Christmas and every gift I got was alcohol. I got like a hundred percent, like I got nips and a six pack and a handle of rum. Like there wasn't one gift.

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  That's from your parents?

• 34:48Speaker 05

  Parents, uncles, aunts, girlfriend, friend, everybody. That was like, get them booze.

• 34:53Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 34:53Speaker 05

  And I was like, oh, this is weird.

• 34:56Andrew Santino?

  This is a little.

• 34:56Speaker 05

  I didn't get a sweater, a sock, nothing.

• 34:59Andrew Santino?

  He didn't need a sweater, he's blacked out.

• 35:01Speaker 05

  So yeah, there was that and yeah, I was just a big fuck up.

• 35:04Andrew Santino?

  But you're, but, but it is funny because you don't, I didn't know you then. I met you probably right after you got sober, maybe?

• 35:15Speaker 05

  Maybe, I don't know. I don't remember where I met you. I thought, I thought I had a memory. Did you do the, um, that festival in Grand Rapids one point? Maybe like a long time ago? Was it Grand Rapids?

• 35:27Andrew Santino?

  It's pretty sad that my, my memory is so bad.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:30Andrew Santino?

  Don't you get that way? I feel bad about that.

• 35:33Speaker 05

  No, I just did a podcast with Soder, who's like a pothead. This guy's like just smoking pot all day. And he was like, remember that time in 2007, you stayed at my house and we watched this game? I'm like, what are you crazy? I don't remember that at all.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  I, I think that's nuts that people can do that. It's, it's a selective memory thing. Some people have that kind of like ability to crack that open. I can't, I, it's gone for me.

• 35:50Speaker 05

  I have some memory, like some crazy memories, but not others. That was very profound what I just said.

• 35:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, holy shit dude. You're in order.

• 35:59Speaker 05

  Some things I remember and some things I don't remember.

• 36:01Andrew Santino?

  I remember, there's moments of, that I remember from my childhood that I don't know why I remember them. Do you know what I mean? Where you're like, why did that stay? You know, I used to go watch, this is, this sounds fake. This sounds like a lie. But my mom validated it because I said, I, I feel like I remember watching Johnny Carson at night or TV late at night. I was like, am I crazy? When I was a little, little kid.

• 36:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:21Andrew Santino?

  And my mom was like, yeah, you should do it all the time. She goes, I knew you'd stay up and go watch Carson because you'd fall asleep in the living room and the TV would eventually go to

• 36:31Andrew Santino?

  be like the old days. And she's like, and you'd leave the fridge open and you'd be eating slices of American cheese and hot dogs, cold hot dogs. So I would wrap the hot dogs in, with American cheese and I'd sit and watch Carson. But I had these weird vague memories of it and I don't even know why I would like Carson. I wouldn't have gotten anything the show was saying. I was so young. But I think I liked the rhythm, probably.

• 36:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's exciting.

• 36:53Andrew Santino?

  The talk rhythm. I was probably obsessed with like that thing.

• 36:56Speaker 05

  That's how I felt, because I was big into comedy too as a kid. I mean, I didn't watch Carson, or I don't remember watching Carson, but I think like George Carlin specials, I would watch, I remember him doing a bit about Dan Quayle, and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  I didn't know who Dan Quayle was, yeah.

• 37:10Speaker 05

  He's like, he's stupid, full of shit, and all this stuff. And I was like, that's great, because you got the rhythm. And I think also there was something about, he was entertaining the adults, which seemed so exciting and intriguing to me.

• 37:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:21Speaker 05

  To see, I don't know about you, but like, my family was never happy, ever, unless they were watching comedy and drunk.

• 37:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, drunk, yeah, drunk. Well, you're in Massachusetts?

• 37:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:30Andrew Santino?

  But not, not Boston, you're outside of Boston, right?

• 37:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, about forty minutes south of Boston, Whitman, Massachusetts.

• 37:35Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Whitman, Mass?

• 37:36Speaker 05

  Birthplace of the chocolate chip cookie.

• 37:38Andrew Santino?

  So they say.

• 37:40Speaker 05

  That's what they say.

• 37:41Andrew Santino?

  Who couldn't claim that?

• 37:43Speaker 05

  I mean...

• 37:44Andrew Santino?

  There's no fucking way.

• 37:45Speaker 05

  It is, it was an accident. They spilled, look it up. This is what people do, they always look it up.

• 37:49Andrew Santino?

  I'm getting pissed off.

• 37:50Speaker 05

  It makes me mad that people look it up.

• 37:51Andrew Santino?

  Where was the chocolate chip cookie invented?

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  Uh, Ruth Graves, Wakefield, in Whitman, Mass, at the Toll House Inn.

• 38:02Speaker 05

  There you go.

• 38:02Andrew Santino?

  That's where the Toll House cookie, nineteen thirty-eight. This has gotta be bullshit. Buddy, you're telling me-

• 38:06Speaker 05

  She spilled the chocolate into the cookie. It's always a spill.

• 38:08Andrew Santino?

  You're telling me nineteen thirty-eight? There had to have been cookies before nineteen thirty-eight.

• 38:11Speaker 05

  Well, there was cookies, jackass. There wasn't chocolate chip cookies.

• 38:14Andrew Santino?

  Sure there was. This is, this, this again is lore. This is the same thing as like, they had the golf cart follow them around and every- no, this is bullshit.

• 38:21Speaker 05

  Look up, look it up, there's sources everywhere.

• 38:23Andrew Santino?

  Many people...

• 38:26Speaker 05

  Here we go. Why, now, why do you want to ruin this?

• 38:28Andrew Santino?

  In the more recent years, the story of Ruth Graves Wakefield has been pushed around the internet by comedian Joe List. He continually makes people look it up and cite it on their show as if it is true, but we've kept this article up just to keep him happy.

• 38:43Speaker 05

  You know what's fun, that you're doing this? This is, I talk about this a lot. This is one of my things. This is one of my great skills I talk about. I read things.

• 38:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:51Speaker 05

  And then I'm very good at continuing to read as though it says it. And I always do it, and then people will laugh, and then I'll say, that's one of my great skills.

• 38:58Andrew Santino?

  It's one of your great skills.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  And you've commandeered it. Or maybe we share it, I guess.

• 39:01Andrew Santino?

  We share it.

• 39:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:02Andrew Santino?

  No, I've never seen, I've never seen you do it. I do stuff like that.

• 39:04Speaker 05

  Believe me, I've done. I've never seen you watch Johnny Carson, but I'm pretending to believe the story.

• 39:08Andrew Santino?

  This is a throwaway. I do that stuff all the time.

• 39:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's fair. Well, you know what I do? Here's one of my gags. At the top of an escalator, there's the little emergency thing.

• 39:15Andrew Santino?

  I hit that all the time.

• 39:16Speaker 05

  No, no, I don't hit it. I open it and it goes, and I go like this. And people, they die. They fall down the escalator. They're like, this guy, who is this guy? You can try it. Folks at home, be careful. Don't hit the button, because people will fall down. But you open it, it just goes, and then you do this, because very few people realize that it'll make that noise. And then you do the shave. Or you can do something else. You could do vibrator if you want to go blue.

• 39:38Andrew Santino?

  That's, you don't need to go blue. Shave is good, or toothbrush.

• 39:42Speaker 05

  Oh, electric toothbrush.

• 39:43Andrew Santino?

  Toothbrush. Or, you're, you're, you're, uh, you're using a vibrating nose hair picker? Yeah.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't know about the.

• 39:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh dude, yeah, come on. No, I shouldn't, that'd bomb.

• 39:55Speaker 05

  That's no good, yeah.

• 39:56Andrew Santino?

  I don't want to take over your bit.

• 39:57Speaker 05

  You're sending people the wrong direction.

• 40:00Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your winds with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their Buy 3, Get 1 Free offer, and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-2-6.

• 40:36Speaker 00

  Let's be honest. You don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up. We all want to stay healthy for as long as humanly possible. It seems like a lofty goal, but it can be effortless to get started with Aura. Aura helps you tune into your holistic health with a small ring that measures more than 50 metrics, all from your finger. It looks like any other ring, goes great with any look, and is so comfortable, I never want to take it off. Aura tracks your sleep and activity automatically. It monitors your stress, heart health, and gives you in-depth insights into your cycle.

• 41:20Speaker 00

  Then Aura brings your personal health data into the app to show you how it's all connected, what to pay attention to, and what you can do next. The more you understand your body, the better you can live in it. Wear your best life with Aura.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  What's your best phone bit? Because one of the classics, of course, you have a long conversation, and then when you get off, you say, "Wrong number."

• 41:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's a good bit.

• 41:43Speaker 05

  Especially with "I love you," it's very funny.

• 41:45Andrew Santino?

  Whenever I'm with my friends' kids, I always do the bit where, like, I was with my buddy Sean's daughter, and she has a little fake phone, you know? And then I'll go, "Hello? She's right here." "No. When? Oh, okay. I'll see you soon." You leave it real wide open for their little imagination to go, "What is it? What's coming? Who's happening? Where is it? Who was it?" And I'll go, "I don't know. They'll call back soon." I like that. I like to let them play with their mind over who's coming, what happened, what are they gonna do?

• 42:21Speaker 05

  That's a fun one.

• 42:21Andrew Santino?

  I like, yeah. I like fucking with little kids. I like that, like, letting them figure out the rest of the story.

• 42:27Speaker 05

  Now, that's a sentence where "with" is such an important...

• 42:30Andrew Santino?

  You need the word.

• 42:31Speaker 05

  Important word.

• 42:32Andrew Santino?

  You need the word with.

• 42:33Speaker 05

  The most important word of this whole podcast is fucking with little kids.

• 42:37Andrew Santino?

  I do love fucking with kids. It is like one of the funniest things in the world. To lie to a child is so fun. And you get to do it so much more now. "I love you. I care about you." You get to feed him lies forever.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  "I'm successful. We're financially stable. Don't worry. We can afford to live in this neighborhood."

• 42:54Andrew Santino?

  Mom and dad like, we get along still. It's all the good stuff. Yeah, we love you dearly.

• 42:59Speaker 05

  Auntie Karen is not sexually active with us. Oh, this is a fun bit. Dave Walsh, you know Dave, the Walsh brothers?

• 43:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 43:06Speaker 05

  He used to do, when people give him a phone to take a photo, he would go like this.

• 43:11Speaker 05

  Which is fun.

• 43:11Andrew Santino?

  That's a good.

• 43:12Speaker 05

  But that one, you have to be old to get, because this is what those cameras used to look like. But it's very funny.

• 43:16Andrew Santino?

  Give me your best phone bit, then.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  I mean,

• 43:21Speaker 05

  I guess I just kinda take other people's. I do that one occasionally.

• 43:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 43:25Speaker 05

  I mean, I'll do a selfie when they ask you to take a photo. That's fun.

• 43:28Andrew Santino?

  I like that, yeah.

• 43:29Speaker 05

  A couple selfies. That's good.

• 43:31Andrew Santino?

  I wish I had the balls to like, throw someone's phone. When they, I wish I had the balls, when someone's like, "We'll take a picture of us", and to just throw it as far as I can. And just walk.

• 43:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:39Andrew Santino?

  It's mean. It's so mean, but how fun. It's so insane.

• 43:42Speaker 05

  It would be not, the first time I ever opened for Nick DiPaolo, somebody was texting on the thing, and, or maybe they weren't even texting, texting might not even invented yet. Maybe they were talking, they answered the phone or something, and he took it and he put it in his Captain and Coke, like a 16 ounce glass, and he did his whole show with their phone, just sitting in his glass.

• 43:57Andrew Santino?

  Dragged.

• 43:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, and then the next night, the guy showed up with like, a $400 bill for a new phone.

• 44:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you gotta pay him.

• 44:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:03Andrew Santino?

  But it, was it worth a bit? Yeah, probably.

• 44:04Speaker 05

  It was a good bit, but also, that was like, 2006, and I think the phone wasn't quite as, now if you did that to someone, it would be like murdering their family. They would fucking go nuts.

• 44:15Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right, right. That's an act of terrorism.

• 44:17Speaker 05

  I mean, I'm down to 7%, I don't know how I'm gonna get where I'm going.

• 44:20Andrew Santino?

  I just don't know why that won't get plugged in. Because the plug works, everything works.

• 44:23Speaker 05

  No, I, I bought this shitty cord. I have a long comedy of errors going on here. Well, also, I was at, I went to FedEx to buy a charger, because that was the nearest thing to me. And, literally, the lady in front of me was trying to ship a package to India overnight, and she was like, dumbfounded that they couldn't get it to India tomorrow. And so I'm just trying to buy a charger, my phone's dying, I'm running late, I'm in a wet shirt, and she's like, "How is this possible? You're FedEx. I need it there tomorrow." And the lady's like, "You can get there Monday." And she's like, "Well, who else, who can do this?" And she's like, "You could try DHL, but we're considered the fastest. It's India." Like, this lady's like, "I need this in India tomorrow morning."

• 45:03Andrew Santino?

  To her credit, I feel like they should be able to do it.

• 45:08Speaker 05

  Maybe. I don't know much about shipping, but-

• 45:09Andrew Santino?

  Well, here's the worst part. It is tomorrow morning already in India.

• 45:14Speaker 05

  Great point.

• 45:14Andrew Santino?

  It's already tomorrow.

• 45:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  Ma'am, it's already late. It's here today, it's already late. You need it there tomorrow, it's already late.

• 45:20Speaker 05

  This is like an old Carlin bit. This could be Jerry.

• 45:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that is.

• 45:22Speaker 05

  "You can't get it tomorrow, it's already today."

• 45:24Andrew Santino?

  "Today, tomorrow is today."

• 45:27Speaker 05

  "Mañana."

• 45:31Speaker 05

  I don't know, but anyway, so yeah, I got this charger. It sucks, but also I think I have some shit in my phone jacked, the little hole.

• 45:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh, in the thing? Yeah, you gotta get it cleaned out.

• 45:39Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  I've had to do that a few times.

• 45:40Speaker 05

  Well, earlier I said this and you act like I was a fucking moron.

• 45:43Andrew Santino?

  No, no, you're a moron because you have the old phone still.

• 45:46Speaker 05

  Dude, this phone, it's a fucking iPhone 14. I can take slow motion videos and panoramic.

• 45:53Andrew Santino?

  Charger, no one has those. I don't have those.

• 45:55Speaker 05

  I know, but it's only two years old.

• 45:58Andrew Santino?

  I know, but we throw them away immediately.

• 45:59Speaker 05

  But don't act like I'm an idiot. They're the idiot. You fucking, I got fucked. It's like you're acting like it's like a...

• 46:06Andrew Santino?

  Let me see the hole.

• 46:08Speaker 05

  You're acting like it's, you know, um, I'm handing you a rotary phone.

• 46:12Andrew Santino?

  This doesn't even look that bad. I'm actually confused over why it was.

• 46:15Speaker 05

  I don't know. It's all fucked up.

• 46:16Andrew Santino?

  You know, someone's calling me Spam Risk. Hello?

• 46:23Andrew Santino?

  Um, why don't they ever answer back, Spam Risk?

• 46:26Speaker 05

  I don't know. I think they got what they need already, though. They, once you answer, they have your own go.

• 46:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, this one's filled with stuff.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  What's in there? Just cum?

• 46:37Andrew Santino?

  A couple of Comedy Cellar hosts are in there.

• 46:42Speaker 05

  It's bad, and then I bought a piece of shit charger and I gotta get back to Irvine. I'm at 5%.

• 46:47Andrew Santino?

  There's a CVS around the corner you can get a car charger.

• 46:49Speaker 05

  Really?

• 46:49Andrew Santino?

  100%. Yeah, yeah, I promise, yeah.

• 46:51Speaker 05

  But it doesn't always, uh, yeah, my jack, I'm, I'll go, I'll get a new phone.

• 46:57Andrew Santino?

  Don't get a new phone.

• 46:58Speaker 05

  All right, I won't.

• 46:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fuck that. You know what? You should do what, um, do what Etelle does. Have like the flip phone.

• 47:04Speaker 05

  Well, he's got some problems.

• 47:06Andrew Santino?

  Does he?

• 47:07Speaker 05

  I think so. No, he's the best.

• 47:09Andrew Santino?

  I think he's cruising.

• 47:10Speaker 05

  Oh, he's the best.

• 47:11Andrew Santino?

  I think he might have the best perspective on it. He just, just does, he just loves comedy and that's all he wants to do.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Well, he's just a funny guy. I mean, he shows up with like, he's got like a duffel bag and a bag of candy.

• 47:20Andrew Santino?

  That's why I call him the bag lady. I love him. He's my little bag lady.

• 47:22Speaker 05

  Well, he, don't you, I think that Dave is the most mysterious comedian.

• 47:27Andrew Santino?

  Right, in sense of like, people don't really know what his life is outside of comedy.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  Like, can you picture him chatting with his mom? I don't, I can't like, I just go, "Oh, really?" Like, it's, it's so hard. He doesn't sit still and it's very hard to get him to be genuine for a long time. He's a very nice guy.

• 47:43Andrew Santino?

  Who's like that?

• 47:44Speaker 05

  What do you mean?

• 47:44Andrew Santino?

  Who's like that that we know? Who has that kind of can't sit still, you don't know if he's ever being genuine? It's not a negative. This isn't an, this is not like an attack.

• 47:54Speaker 05

  Mark Norman is not here to talk about it?

• 47:55Andrew Santino?

  It's always been Mark. Mark, Mark always has that...

• 47:59Andrew Santino?

  Like, like, like, all of us imagine when he had a baby, it was like, hey, baby.

• 48:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:05Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, say hi to the baby, meet the baby. He's like, get that out of here, it's wet.

• 48:08Speaker 05

  Well, I think about this all the time with, I've asked him, I'm like, what are you like when you have sex? I can't imagine him being like, alright, baby, listen.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  Alright, suck it. Suck it hard.

• 48:19Andrew Santino?

  I know he's got a hate. Oh, I came.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Right. Monica, I came. Really, I went. I went to the bathroom, but you came. Hmm. And the woman's like, are you, please, just fucking eat me out or something. No, it's very, it's very strange to think about and, I mean, I was at his, I saw him very genuine, one time.

• 48:40Andrew Santino?

  At his wedding?

• 48:41Speaker 05

  Ever. At his, no, not even at the wedding. It was, we were all, I think me and Stavros and, Stavros was definitely there, somebody else maybe. Matt Sal, I don't know who it was, but it was me, Stav and somebody else were out walking in New Orleans. And they were taking photos and they like exchanged vows, kind of privately and took photos, like on the street. And we were out walking, we were like, hey, look at this. And he was like, you got to get out of here. Come on, get out of here.

• 49:09Andrew Santino?

  That's kinda, that's nice, a real mark.

• 49:10Speaker 05

  Seriously, fucking, and it was the most, the strangest thing, cause he wasn't like, hey, alright.

• 49:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 05

  Leave us alone. He was like, dude, fucking dude. And it was because we were gonna see him.

• 49:22Andrew Santino?

  Be honest, be serious.

• 49:24Speaker 05

  Talking to a woman, yeah. And then back to the actual ceremony, he was back to like, alright, I do.

• 49:29Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 49:30Speaker 05

  But there was one moment in 15 years of friendship that he was like, come on, get out of here.

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  God, it's wild.

• 49:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he, he's got that kind of thing that Dave does, that I don't even know Dave like that, but I know Mark for so long and I, it's, I don't, I never, I don't. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't know how, I don't know how, like at night, before he goes, when you go to sleep with your wife at night and you're having those late night. Bad conversations. Is he still doing it?

• 49:55Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 49:57Andrew Santino?

  Is he still doing it?

• 49:58Speaker 05

  I don't know. I mean, I've seen him like when, years ago, his girlfriend, because he had the same girlfriend for years before this girl, and their dog died. And this is also just pure Mark. We were doing our podcast. At the time, we had like 150 listeners or something. And he showed up at the pod and he was quite emotional because his dog had died. And I also was like, what are you doing? Cancel the pod. You gotta go be with your girlfriend. And he's like, oh, really? With like red, teary eyes. And I was like, yeah, yeah. Who gives a fuck? We'll record tomorrow. Your dog just died. It's like a 15 year old. And his girlfriend was like in shambles, you know? And he's like, I gotta go podcast. And I had to tell him like, no, no, you go home for that. That's a cancel.

• 50:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, how does he not know that? He grew up very strange. I think like his, his growing up situation was odd, too.

• 50:42Speaker 05

  Well, he's got some, I think his parents didn't hug him or something. I don't know, they're fucked up or eye contact.

• 50:49Andrew Santino?

  He says they're fucked up. He talks about that.

• 50:50Speaker 05

  But his mother's very sweet. I've met her.

• 50:53Andrew Santino?

  She took a lot of Tylenol when she was having him.

• 50:56Speaker 05

  Folks. I can't do the voice.

• 51:00Andrew Santino?

  Come on, do the voice.

• 51:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:05Speaker 05

  I'm bad at the voice. But there was another time, another story about Mark being psychotic, when I realized he was a complete lunatic. And he's come a long way. I think he's, he's very, he's matured a tremendous amount.

• 51:17Andrew Santino?

  Better now.

• 51:18Speaker 05

  Most, most improved. Still a maniac, but most improved.

• 51:20Andrew Santino?

  Most improved.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  But he had, this is when he was living with his old girlfriend. He had a Montreal edition coming up, which meant the world to him. Because he's obviously obsessed with comedy.

• 51:29Andrew Santino?

  It did for all of us at one point.

• 51:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, it sure did.

• 51:31Andrew Santino?

  It was a big deal.

• 51:32Speaker 05

  I did it. And I always tell the story. I did New Faces. I got not a single meeting, not a call, not a text.

• 51:39Andrew Santino?

  Me neither.

• 51:39Speaker 05

  I met zero people.

• 51:40Andrew Santino?

  I also tanked my New Faces. It wasn't even good. It was like a mediocre fucking set.

• 51:44Speaker 05

  What year did you do it?

• 51:47Andrew Santino?

  I wish I knew. I wanna say-

• 51:48Speaker 05

  2010, 2009?

• 51:50Andrew Santino?

  I wanna s- no, no, no, no, no. I wanna say 11 or 12. Maybe 11?

• 51:53Speaker 05

  I did 12.

• 51:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we were right around the same time. Actually, maybe I was after, maybe I was 13. I don't even, I really don't know. Andrew Santino, New Faces, JFL. Let's see, I actually don't remember. I know that's really fucking sad.

• 52:06Speaker 05

  This is gripping.

• 52:07Andrew Santino?

  Well, my memory's really fucking bad. I hate to say that, but I'm like one of those guys that just don't... When someone goes, "What year?", I'm like, "I don't fuck, I have no idea." I can't, I could not tell you if I tried.

• 52:16Speaker 05

  What year? One of my favorite punchlines, Zach Galifianakis. Where were you on 9/11? What year?

• 52:20Andrew Santino?

  What year?

• 52:25Andrew Santino?

  Why can't I find it? It doesn't matter.

• 52:26Speaker 05

  Let's make sure to get caught up on this, though.

• 52:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we should.

• 52:29Speaker 05

  I think we should definitely spend some time-

• 52:30Andrew Santino?

  Honestly, I gotta be honest with you, people do like this kinda stuff. They really get in there.

• 52:33Speaker 05

  We should spend-

• 52:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 05

  Spend a little time figuring out which year-

• 52:36Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, I don't remember what year it was. I really don't. I remember I had already done a TV show when I got New Faces, but I thought it was kinda fucking worthless.

• 52:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, I had done Live at Gotham, and I was like 12 years in.

• 52:46Andrew Santino?

  I was like, "What, what the fucking, I'm already, they, I already needed, I needed it before."

• 52:50Speaker 05

  Well, I bombed, I wanna get back to that Mark story, but I bombed my New Faces, and then afterwards, we were all hang- 'cause we all bombed, it was a horrible show, and we were all sitting around talking, and I was like, "Well, I talked to Colin Quinn, he made me feel better." And then Dave Waite, you know Dave Waite? He was like, "What do you mean you talked to Colin Quinn?", and I was like, "Well, I called him, because I was so bummed." He's like, "You have a call Colin Quinn relationship?", and I was like, "Yeah", and he's like, "Well, that's more, that's better, that's cooler than doing-"

• 53:16Andrew Santino?

  Way better than JFL, yeah.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  And it actually gave me perspective. I was like, "That's a great point."

• 53:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 53:20Speaker 05

  What do I care? I got CQ on the horn.

• 53:22Andrew Santino?

  Right. We cared because it... We thought it really fucking mattered.

• 53:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, it didn't matter. Nothing matters.

• 53:29Andrew Santino?

  But it did at the, things matter at the time.

• 53:32Speaker 05

  Right.

• 53:32Andrew Santino?

  At the time, everything has a meaning to you, and you'll never know if it was really worth it or not, so that's why you just do as much nonsense as you can in our business to go, "I might like this, or I might fucking turn out to hate this, but I don't give a shit either way."

• 53:43Speaker 05

  Right.

• 53:43Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't, because it actually, nothing actually matters. So it only matters to you if you give a little bit of a fuck about it. Being an experience.

• 53:51Speaker 05

  Well, that's like late night, going back to late night, which Jay Leno, who I just, I just love everything he says and he's, I find him just so wise and hilarious. But on Comedians in Cars, Jerry was talking about how late night doesn't matter anymore. And he's like, oh, it matters. He's like, cause I meet these guys before and they're like, hello, Mr. Leno. I'm so happy. I'm so nervous. Like you're terrified.

• 54:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:12Speaker 05

  And he had a great point. He's like, for five minutes, you're still the only thing on NBC.

• 54:17Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 54:17Speaker 05

  In the history of NBC, Seinfeld and whatever, Johnny Carson, for five minutes, it's just you standing there. It's still a big deal.

• 54:23Andrew Santino?

  It is a big deal.

• 54:24Speaker 05

  Even though nobody, you know, watches or cares.

• 54:27Andrew Santino?

  I think people do still watch it. They just don't watch it like they used to.

• 54:31Speaker 05

  Right. And certainly the industry's not watching, being like, we gotta get this guy in a room. Stat.

• 54:36Andrew Santino?

  They did with the, what is the industry? I've spoke, I've said this.

• 54:40Speaker 05

  That's deep.

• 54:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, it is actually, truly. If you think about it, this is, this is all, we all, we finally pulled back the curtain and we were like, what?

• 54:46Speaker 05

  Right.

• 54:47Andrew Santino?

  Wait, wait, what? Really? This is it? It, it, it reminds me of this, I've said this before on the show. I, I always say, people go watch Duplass. I think it's Mark Duplass. He has this whole speech called, the Calvary is not coming. And it's really brilliant and beautiful about how like when he made their, their first indie and you think, the phone's gonna be ringing off the fucking hook.

• 55:10Speaker 05

  I've had that so many times.

• 55:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, you should watch the speech. It's actually pretty beautiful for some, for, for guys that kind of made their own shit their whole career. And kind of were trying to chase the business, he, he would say. He finally realized, he's like, oh, the Calvary's not coming. This idea that they're coming for you, like they're, the Calvary's on, dude, it's on its way. You got it. And the agents would be like, nomination, they're gonna be calling it. And no one calls. And he's like, the more you, the older you get, the more you realize, I'd made all this happen for myself. I did all of it.

• 55:36Speaker 05

  Right.

• 55:36Andrew Santino?

  It was never gonna be a, Joe, get ready. Cause the list came in and it is, I mean, they're gonna, they wanna give you all of it. So I just think he, it was true that he, he was like, there is no great savior, there is no. Like when someone says, if someone says to me something like, I bet you get blah, blah, blah, blah, all the time. No, I don't. No one does.

• 56:00Speaker 05

  Right.

• 56:00Andrew Santino?

  No one gets blank all the ti- it's all fake. We all just have to self-generate until somebody goes, okay, you can do that.

• 56:07Speaker 05

  Right.

• 56:08Andrew Santino?

  And by that time, you don't give a fuck, cause you already did five other things trying to get to the thing.

• 56:12Speaker 05

  It's like Shawshank, where he's like, you go ahead and stamp your papers, sunny boy, cause I don't give a shit. And then they're like, you got it.

• 56:19Andrew Santino?

  That's one of my favorite scenes too.

• 56:20Speaker 05

  You gotta not care.

• 56:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, cause if you, if you care, they don't wanna give it to you.

• 56:25Speaker 05

  Right.

• 56:25Andrew Santino?

  But if you don't care enough, you don't show any, you don't show them that you have any sort of drive for the business.

• 56:34Speaker 05

  Right.

• 56:34Andrew Santino?

  Give me the fucking Norman story. What were you gonna say?

• 56:38Speaker 05

  Oh, sorry, now I was thinking another story.

• 56:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, give me both. Give me all your stories.

• 56:42Speaker 05

  Mark, um, this is years ago, obviously, cause he was trying, it must've been 15 years ago or something. He had a big, he was like nervous about his audition. Montreal was coming up, it was a whole thing, and for whatever reason, we just went on like a bit. He came to my house, we were hanging out, and then drinking and party, whatever. And then he just didn't go home for like three days. And his girlfriend that he lived with was like texting him, calling him, and he was just straight up ignoring him. I was like, this is crazy. He just lived at my home. We were like watching old Marx Brothers movie. We had the time of our lives. Smoking pot, drinking, watching Marx Brothers, and I'm like, this is great, but I'm like, don't you have to like, shouldn't you say something? And he's like, ah, I don't wanna do it, she doesn't get it.

• 57:23Speaker 05

  And I was like, okay. And we had been friends for like, just like a few months, and I was like, this person is completely insane.

• 57:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 57:28Speaker 05

  And it went on for literally days, like calling, her friends were calling.

• 57:33Andrew Santino?

  He was just sleeping on your couch?

• 57:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was just sleeping on my couch, hanging out, watching movies, Seinfeld, whatever. And then eventually he's like, he went home and she was like in a bile, like crying, sobbing, thinking he was dead or, or left. And he's like, well, I had the audition, I was a little nervous. It was crazy.

• 57:49Andrew Santino?

  He took care of it the way he needed to take care of it.

• 57:50Speaker 05

  And then the first time we went on a road trip, this, this poor girl. We went on a road trip and they lived together and I, we were driving to Boston and we didn't know each other at all. We had the same manager and we had kind of, we had met, but we didn't, never like spent quality time.

• 58:04Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 58:04Speaker 05

  But we were both like autistically Seinfeld fans. And we're driving in the car and she called and he was like, "Okay, well, I can't talk. There's four of us in the car and I'm driving, we're taking turns driving." And I'm like, "Does she have any idea of geography? Like, it's a four hour car ride, why would we take turns? It's 200 miles." And then he's like, "Okay, well, there's a big patch of ice coming up, so I really gotta get off the phone." And I'm like, "This is cra-" like, he's in the passenger seat, "Why not just say, 'I got a friend here, I'll call you later.'"

• 58:33Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 58:33Speaker 05

  And I'm like, "Patch of ice." You don't just see a patch of ice. Like, none of it made sense, but it was, it was fun and exciting, because I was like, "This person's completely out of his mind."

• 58:41Andrew Santino?

  That's his world, that's how he lives.

• 58:43Speaker 05

  That's how he's, that's how he's living. "Patch of ice. Hey, we're about to slide out. Call you back."

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  He must hate it, dude. I do it too much. People do, Louis, Louis was like, "That is too good. Don't do, don't, that's, stop that."

• 58:58Speaker 05

  It's fun. It's, it's fun to-

• 58:59Andrew Santino?

  He's the most fun for me to do. I can't do famous people. I can do friends.

• 59:03Speaker 05

  Right.

• 59:03Andrew Santino?

  I can't do like, like that, so I can't like Tom Hanks. If someone's like, "Do this guy." Can't do it. But if they're like, "Do a guy we know," I'm like, "I got you." I can, I can do people we know.

• 59:14Speaker 05

  My only impression is, uh, Mr. Orange in Reservoir Dogs. You familiar with the film?

• 59:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what do you mean? Am I familiar with the film?

• 59:20Speaker 05

  Tim Roth.

• 59:20Andrew Santino?

  Controversial statement here. My second favorite Tarantino film.

• 1:00:01Speaker 00

  Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up.

• 1:00:15Speaker 05

  Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, is that your first?

• 1:00:16Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you, no chance. I hate that people think that that's number one.

• 1:00:21Speaker 05

  Well, I'm guessing for you.

• 1:00:22Andrew Santino?

  The greatest Tarantino film is undoubtedly Pulp Fiction. It's not even a... I don't even understand where there's a conversation to be had. It was the most groundbreaking...

• 1:00:34Andrew Santino?

  The cast was unbelievable. Like, it did 10 things at once and told five different stories in non-chronological. It was brilliant. It was perfect.

• 1:00:44Speaker 05

  Well, but Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is so beautifully poignant, though. It's his most poignant and touching film.

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  Okay, but I like...

• 1:00:53Speaker 05

  And it's hilarious.

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  It's funny.

• 1:00:56Speaker 05

  But there is... But also, I do think there's much that could have been shaved off the movie.

• 1:01:00Andrew Santino?

  Once Upon a Time is... Once Upon a Time, my biggest hiccup is... I also hate LA stuff. That's my biggest hiccup.

• 1:01:05Speaker 05

  You live here.

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  I know, that's... Trust me, dude. When you do live here and all the... When shows and movies are about LA, it does something to your insides.

• 1:01:12Speaker 05

  And Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs, both LA movies.

• 1:01:14Andrew Santino?

  I know, but Pulp Fiction does a way with LA that it's... LA isn't the centerpiece of the film. It takes place in Los Angeles.

• 1:01:22Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  But it's sprinkled in in a way that makes it... That you know it exists there, but it's not what the whole movie is about. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is literally about Los Angeles. It's about the history of the city. It's about the cultural zeitgeist in town. The Spahn Ranch. And all this stuff is so Los Angelino stuff.

• 1:01:41Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:01:42Andrew Santino?

  Pulp Fiction, by the way, you... Most people don't even know, like, where Bruce Willis, what neighborhood he lived in, what hotel that was.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:01:48Andrew Santino?

  That was my favorite part. People didn't know... The joke when the wolf goes, "Move out of the sticks, fellas," when they say he's driving up from Adondo. 95% of America has no idea what that means, what the... I loved that.

• 1:01:59Speaker 05

  That's like Seinfeld when Kramer says, "You wanna go take a trip to Queens?" He goes, "I love going to the country."

• 1:02:03Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:02:03Speaker 05

  Which, in my mind, I was a kid. I was like, "Oh, Queens is the country."

• 1:02:06Andrew Santino?

  Right. But you... When it's inside baseball, it's fun when you know.

• 1:02:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:09Andrew Santino?

  Versus... Yeah, Once Upon a Time was almost, it was Romanticism of Los Angeles, but I just, I can't do it. Something about it always irked me. Anyway, second best film was Reservoir Dogs. Do Tim Roth.

• 1:02:22Speaker 06

  Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm fucking dying here! I'm fucking dying!

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  That's pretty good, right?

• 1:02:29Andrew Santino?

  That's really good, yeah.

• 1:02:30Speaker 06

  Fuck you!

• 1:02:31Andrew Santino?

  The fuck you is it?

• 1:02:32Speaker 05

  Cause he's half-British, I mean, he's all British.

• 1:02:34Andrew Santino?

  He is British.

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  His accent kinda comes out a little bit, he sounds a little weird.

• 1:02:39Speaker 06

  Fuck you! I'm fucking dying here! I'm fucking dying!

• 1:02:43Andrew Santino?

  God, that's such a great scene. It's so, so good.

• 1:02:45Speaker 05

  Folks.

• 1:02:45Andrew Santino?

  And it's a great scene.

• 1:02:46Speaker 05

  But you know about the orange balloon?

• 1:02:47Andrew Santino?

  The what?

• 1:02:48Speaker 05

  In the, in the movie, there's a moment where the two cops are sitting there, uh, and they go, this guy must have rocks in his head the size of Gibraltar to go undercover. And then the car pulls away and they pull away and there's an orange balloon that-

• 1:03:00Andrew Santino?

  Rolls across the screen.

• 1:03:00Speaker 05

  Rolls across the street.

• 1:03:01Andrew Santino?

  What is that?

• 1:03:02Speaker 05

  Mr. Orange.

• 1:03:03Andrew Santino?

  Ayoh, ayoh, ayoh.

• 1:03:06Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 1:03:07Speaker 05

  It's like a little, uh-

• 1:03:08Andrew Santino?

  A little, uh-

• 1:03:09Speaker 05

  A little nugget, a little Easter egg. Orange. Cause at that point, you don't know, oh wait, no, maybe it's not that moment. It's a different moment. At the point, you don't know who the, uh, the rat is.

• 1:03:17Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:03:18Speaker 05

  And then also, of course, the opening scene, and I never put this together for years, he rats out Steve Buscemi in the first scene. He's like, who didn't throw in? He's like, Mr. White, or Mr. Pink.

• 1:03:29Andrew Santino?

  Mr. Pink, yeah.

• 1:03:30Speaker 05

  So immediately, he's a rat.

• 1:03:31Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, uh, you know, tip? Such a great scene.

• 1:03:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:35Andrew Santino?

  A conversation we've all literally had a hundred times.

• 1:03:38Speaker 05

  I just got, uh, a lot of shit-

• 1:03:40Andrew Santino?

  Give it.

• 1:03:40Speaker 05

  Online.

• 1:03:41Andrew Santino?

  What'd you do?

• 1:03:43Speaker 05

  Well, first of all, I wanna say I'm a very generous man. I'm a big tipper. I like to throw, I throw money around.

• 1:03:49Andrew Santino?

  Throw it right now, do it right now.

• 1:03:50Speaker 05

  I'm like, uh, you want a hundred dollars?

• 1:03:52Andrew Santino?

  I could use it. This coffee was expensive.

• 1:03:55Speaker 05

  Look at this.

• 1:03:57Andrew Santino?

  Damn dude, put that away.

• 1:03:58Speaker 05

  I'm gonna keep that.

• 1:03:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59Speaker 05

  This is how I carry my money. Um-

• 1:04:02Andrew Santino?

  You're like an autistic teenager.

• 1:04:04Speaker 05

  Now, I, tell me where you're at on this. I shouldn't say this because this is a very big podcast.

• 1:04:09Andrew Santino?

  Say it.

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  You're a very famous man.

• 1:04:11Andrew Santino?

  Nah.

• 1:04:12Speaker 05

  When I'm in a hotel, I don't like the maids in my room. So I put the do not disturb on.

• 1:04:17Andrew Santino?

  I do that every time.

• 1:04:17Speaker 05

  And I don't have them in at all.

• 1:04:19Andrew Santino?

  I call for towels when every, I call for towels and that's all I need and then they clean at the end when I leave. I don't want people in, I don't like people in the room.

• 1:04:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't even call for towels. I just use the same towel over and over again.

• 1:04:28Andrew Santino?

  Uh, that's a mistake. Call for towels.

• 1:04:30Speaker 05

  Alright.

• 1:04:30Andrew Santino?

  Fresh towels so nice.

• 1:04:32Speaker 05

  I guess.

• 1:04:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's what you pay for.

• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  Well, so I don't leave a tip at the end of the weekend. I got no service.

• 1:04:40Andrew Santino?

  Interesting, interesting, interesting.

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  And people were, one guy was like, we're from Boston. We take care of working class people, you piece of shit.

• 1:04:47Andrew Santino?

  That has nothing to do with Boston, by the way.

• 1:04:48Speaker 05

  And a couple of people were very upset with me, but I'm like, but I don't use their service. And they're like, right, but they clean your room when you get there. I'm like, well, that's what.

• 1:04:55Andrew Santino?

  That's the job.

• 1:04:56Speaker 05

  The cost of the hotel is.

• 1:04:58Andrew Santino?

  Correct, yeah.

• 1:04:58Speaker 05

  And then they're like, well, what about for the next person? I'm like, well, that's what they're paying for.

• 1:05:01Andrew Santino?

  You're right, but you're still cheap.

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Well, I'm not cheap. I'm very, I mean, like, I'm actually stupidly bad with money.

• 1:05:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're too generous.

• 1:05:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm like, I'm a fucking financially, I'm an idiot.

• 1:05:15Andrew Santino?

  I owe.

• 1:05:16Speaker 05

  But I just never even thought to leave a tip because to me, it feels like tipping, walking by a bar and walking in and giving the bartender money and then leaving.

• 1:05:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he does probably need it, by the way. He does need it. Times are really tough, inflation.

• 1:05:30Speaker 05

  I haven't, they haven't done a service for me in my mind.

• 1:05:34Andrew Santino?

  Interesting.

• 1:05:35Speaker 05

  Maybe I'm wrong.

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's how you see the world.

• 1:05:36Speaker 05

  Leaving money, but it's very strict. To me, I thought, hey, I'm giving you the weekend off. You don't even have to come in here.

• 1:05:42Andrew Santino?

  I would argue.

• 1:05:43Speaker 05

  And I understand they don't get paid.

• 1:05:44Andrew Santino?

  They don't get paid shit and you, and you, you make plenty of money.

• 1:05:47Speaker 05

  But shouldn't they be mad at the hotel? They make more money than I make, whoever owns the hotel.

• 1:05:51Andrew Santino?

  Ooh dude, you're sounding, this is tough. This is gonna look bad for you.

• 1:05:55Speaker 05

  I'm telling you though, they don't service me.

• 1:05:58Andrew Santino?

  Right, no, I understand.

• 1:05:59Speaker 05

  It would be like going to a gas pump and pumping your own gas and then giving the gas guy.

• 1:06:05Andrew Santino?

  We do that.

• 1:06:05Speaker 05

  Walking in and giving them money.

• 1:06:06Andrew Santino?

  Kind of what we do in America. It's like part of our thing.

• 1:06:08Speaker 05

  Here, take this.

• 1:06:09Andrew Santino?

  I think, uh, I have a, I have similar, look, I have similar thoughts. I also think, um, if I leave $20, uh, do I know that's gone?

• 1:06:23Andrew Santino?

  Do what I, will I know that twenty dollars is gone?

• 1:06:26Speaker 05

  I don't understand what you're saying.

• 1:06:27Andrew Santino?

  I won't even, I won't, it won't affect me.

• 1:06:29Speaker 05

  Oh, but well that's-

• 1:06:30Andrew Santino?

  It can make her day.

• 1:06:31Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:06:32Andrew Santino?

  It will not change my life at all.

• 1:06:34Speaker 05

  But by that rationale, do you give twenty dollars to every homeless person you walk by?

• 1:06:37Andrew Santino?

  Almost, yeah. I do.

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  I don't believe you.

• 1:06:40Andrew Santino?

  Okay, walk with me.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  Please, I'd love to.

• 1:06:43Andrew Santino?

  I give money, I give money-

• 1:06:45Speaker 05

  Twenty dollars, so you're walking by every homeless person you see, you're giving twenty dollars to?

• 1:06:47Andrew Santino?

  I don't have anything under a twenty, so what am I, what am I gonna, I'm not breaking it. Everywhere I go, if, if, hey, the bill's twelve sixty-five, keep the twenty, I don't want the change. Keep it. That's how I fucking operate, pal.

• 1:06:59Speaker 05

  Well, that's, that's special and you're a great guy.

• 1:07:01Andrew Santino?

  I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

• 1:07:01Speaker 05

  I, I'm a very big tipper, but I don't, yes, certainly.

• 1:07:05Andrew Santino?

  No, no, I think it-

• 1:07:06Speaker 05

  I could change many people's days.

• 1:07:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, do it then.

• 1:07:08Speaker 05

  But I'm like, I can't just walk around handing people money.

• 1:07:11Andrew Santino?

  You should.

• 1:07:12Speaker 05

  Alright, maybe I will.

• 1:07:13Andrew Santino?

  You privileged beast.

• 1:07:14Speaker 05

  I don't think you, I don't make as much money as you, Andrew.

• 1:07:18Andrew Santino?

  How about this, you're right, you are right about the hotel thing, cause I'm, we do the same thing. I put the thing up on the door, I don't want people coming in and out of the room. I like the privacy, also, I don't like a made bed at a hotel. Uh, uh, I call me fucking weird, I hate made beds. I think, like, the tucking of the sheet, I hate it.

• 1:07:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm the same way, I come in, I undo it, it's the first thing I do.

• 1:07:36Andrew Santino?

  I like it undone, so leave it-

• 1:07:37Speaker 05

  I'm gonna swish.

• 1:07:37Andrew Santino?

  Leave it how I had it.

• 1:07:38Speaker 05

  Like to point my toes.

• 1:07:39Andrew Santino?

  Yes, leave it how I had it. And, at the end of the week, I, oh, I just throw, throw a twen- twenty down, just cause-

• 1:07:45Speaker 05

  I'm gonna start, I'll start, I didn't, I didn't know-

• 1:07:47Andrew Santino?

  Throw a twopther down, you won't even know.

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  I wa- I didn't know I was doing something horrible.

• 1:07:50Andrew Santino?

  Think about this, some poor woman walks in, who's cleaning, she's having a tough day. Her, you know, her brother just got diagnosed, stage four. Um, her kids, uh, are, one of them's really sick, and then her other kid, um, you know, he's having a really tough time because his father hasn't visited in a while. And she's, you know, having a really tou- and then she sees a twenty on the desk, and she goes, "That's nice of that guy, I didn't even have to clean his fucking room, that was nice." And you make her day.

• 1:08:16Speaker 05

  And possibly a masked man with a machine gun is gonna fucking hit her in the face with the butt of the gun and throw her in a truck.

• 1:08:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if it's in New York, yeah, and she's probably gonna get robbed for that money on the way home.

• 1:08:27Speaker 05

  No, no, you're right, I mean, but I wanna make it clear-

• 1:08:30Andrew Santino?

  You're right.

• 1:08:31Speaker 05

  That the guy who takes the photos in my merch line, my meet and greet line, I give him a bunch of money, I give the waiter a bunch of money,

• 1:08:38Andrew Santino?

  We know you're a generous guy.

• 1:08:38Speaker 05

  I give the door guy a bunch of money.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  No one thinks you're not generous.

• 1:08:41Speaker 05

  I just, it's never occurred to me to tip somebody that I'm like, dude, don't even bother, I got it.

• 1:08:47Andrew Santino?

  Okay, well, how about this, this, I'm, I'm not disagreeing with you. In stand up, sta- sta- in stan- takeaway restaurants where you stand up to order and then you sit down, they bring you the food?

• 1:08:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:58Andrew Santino?

  What's the tip on that? They didn't serve you, but they brought you the food. You, you stood up at a counter and da-da-da-da-da, and then they bring it to you.

• 1:09:05Speaker 05

  Well, now with the iPad, they always give you the tip, so I'll throw it, I'll go, yeah.

• 1:09:08Andrew Santino?

  You do automatic twenty or you do fifteen?

• 1:09:10Speaker 05

  I usually do twenty.

• 1:09:11Andrew Santino?

  You, automatic?

• 1:09:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:13Speaker 05

  But-

• 1:09:14Andrew Santino?

  So this is the same kind of theory. They didn't really service you.

• 1:09:16Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:09:17Andrew Santino?

  They're just a part of the system. They brought the food out.

• 1:09:20Speaker 05

  But people, when they have, sometimes they have twenty, twenty-five, thirty.

• 1:09:23Andrew Santino?

  Insane.

• 1:09:24Speaker 05

  Then I'll do, uh, custom tip and give a little less than twenty because I'm like, fuck you.

• 1:09:30Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you.

• 1:09:30Speaker 05

  Thirty?

• 1:09:31Andrew Santino?

  That's what I do.

• 1:09:32Speaker 05

  And-

• 1:09:32Andrew Santino?

  Coffee shops when do that? A dollar, a dollar, okay, a dollar a cup of coffee.

• 1:09:38Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:39Andrew Santino?

  It's a cup of coffee, I'm gonna give you a dollar. It's like a drink, a beer. It's a buck of beer. It's always been a buck of beer, it always will be, right? Unless I got a meal, different story.

• 1:09:47Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:09:47Andrew Santino?

  But, the only reason I, the only time I over-tip coffee, if it's at a shop that I go to all the time. Like, this is the one I go to in the neighborhood. I give them like twenty bucks in the tip jar, and that covers me for the next like five or six times I go.

• 1:10:01Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:10:01Andrew Santino?

  So that is my, that's like the, but if it's like a first time coffee shop, if I'm walking to a coffee shop in New York, and they've got twenty-five percent on there, I almost wanna not tip ya.

• 1:10:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:10Andrew Santino?

  Just out of principle of like, that's fucking embarrassing.

• 1:10:12Speaker 05

  I just gave the valet guy twenty dollars this morning, and he shit his pants. He was like, oh my god, thank you, you're very generous, very generous man, thank you.

• 1:10:19Andrew Santino?

  Was he Puerto Rican? Is that a Puerto Rican guy?

• 1:10:21Speaker 05

  He was some kind of Latino, and I don't know, I'm, I'm not good with accents.

• 1:10:24Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 1:10:25Speaker 05

  They all sound like pirate when I do it.

• 1:10:27Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 1:10:27Speaker 05

  Thank you, thank you, thank you. But, yeah, so I just didn't, uh, it didn't occur to me to leave money when someone didn't come into my room.

• 1:10:35Andrew Santino?

  You're not wrong. You're not wrong. You're just Joe List.

• 1:10:37Speaker 05

  But, I will, I'll do it. But tipping in general is very strange, of course.

• 1:10:43Andrew Santino?

  It's odd.

• 1:10:43Speaker 05

  Because if you and I go to fucking Chili's and order a salad and a burger, you tip twenty percent, so the person gets nine dollars. And then the next day, we go to Chateau Marmont and have a couple of steaks and a dessert, the bill is four hundred dollars, so now we owe, whatever that is.

• 1:11:00Andrew Santino?

  Eighty bucks.

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  Eighty dollars?

• 1:11:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:03Speaker 05

  It's the same amount of work. Just one guy brought better quality food, so he makes more money. It's very odd.

• 1:11:09Andrew Santino?

  This is a class argument. This is very interesting. This is actually an interesting conversation.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  It's very strange.

• 1:11:13Andrew Santino?

  It's a class argument, right? It's like, who is able to get those nicer jobs at better restaurants that are more expensive? And what goes into that?

• 1:11:18Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:11:19Andrew Santino?

  It's a class argument. That's what's really crazy. You're like, why does that guy deserve more than that person? It's not. It's a fact that they were able to have the ability to get that other job, depending on other factors in their life. A lot of it is also aesthetics. Let's be honest.

• 1:11:32Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:11:32Andrew Santino?

  Anytime you go to a nice restaurant, it's usually good-looking people that are working there.

• 1:11:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:36Andrew Santino?

  So a big faction of that is how you were raised, where you were raised. It's a sociological experiment over that is really fucked up. Like, if you put, if you put a very unattractive, unkempt person in a very fancy place, would they still get the same amount of tips, doing the same amount of work as a very good-looking person who works at that same place?

• 1:11:54Speaker 05

  And are they nice, though?

• 1:11:55Andrew Santino?

  No, they're just as nice. But I guarantee you, aesthetics mean something to people. People are very shallow. You will give more money to people that are better-looking. We do things for better-looking people. Like, when a handsome guy is, like, walking behind me, right? And I'm gonna hold the door open for you. You better believe I'm gonna hold the door for the guy. If it's an ugo, walking right through. I'm not even acknowledging their existence.

• 1:12:16Speaker 05

  The question is, would you hold the door for me?

• 1:12:19Andrew Santino?

  If I just saw you and didn't know you?

• 1:12:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:21Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm closing it. Yeah, I'm sorry, yeah.

• 1:12:23Speaker 05

  I had a feeling. I appreciate you shooting me straight. I just said this to my wife. I was, we were talking the other day because I got a mess, you know, Instagram, the people send you messages. Hey, would you read my sketch, my thing? And I, I realized there's the, there's the attractive advantage, because I read it and I'm like, who are these fucking people? Why would I read? And I saw the little icon. And I'm like, actually, let me see who this... Because it was a woman. I'm like, let me see what she looks like here. And there was that moment. Now, I'm not a guy that's gonna take advantage of a lady. But there is the thing in your brain that's like, is this person attractive? And they weren't, so thankfully I don't have to worry about it.

• 1:13:03Andrew Santino?

  But if they are, you immediately pay attention to them.

• 1:13:04Speaker 05

  And you're like this, maybe I'll read the script.

• 1:13:05Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent, of course. Now, the very attractive people have icons that aren't their photos, because they know they don't need it. They've already gotten it so, they've gotten so much validation their whole life that they go, I know how hot I am, I don't need the thing.

• 1:13:17Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:13:18Andrew Santino?

  You know? Oh!

• 1:13:19Speaker 05

  My phone just, my brain, it's dying, I think. That was a reminder.

• 1:13:22Andrew Santino?

  Put that in your ass next time.

• 1:13:23Speaker 05

  Oh, get gas. Do you ever have this? Rent, when you rent a car?

• 1:13:27Andrew Santino?

  Who wrote get gas?

• 1:13:28Speaker 05

  I did.

• 1:13:29Andrew Santino?

  You reminded yourself to get gas?

• 1:13:31Speaker 05

  Yes, because, well, I'm getting into a premise here.

• 1:13:33Andrew Santino?

  Jesus, here we go.

• 1:13:34Speaker 05

  When you rent a car, sometimes I forget it needs gas, because it's just some other car.

• 1:13:40Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a car in New York.

• 1:13:42Speaker 05

  I do have a car.

• 1:13:43Andrew Santino?

  So you know about gas?

• 1:13:45Speaker 05

  Well, my car, this is what I'm saying. Psychologically, I'm very aware of my car. It's my car.

• 1:13:50Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:13:51Speaker 05

  I know what my car needs. Like, for instance, I know I need a salad or exercise. I'm not thinking, hey, don't forget to eat a vegetable today because it's you.

• 1:14:00Andrew Santino?

  It'd be nice to get that text from you.

• 1:14:02Speaker 05

  I'm gonna shoot you a text and tell you to eat some broccolini. But with a rental car, I kind of forget that it needs gas. And they fucked me at Alamo. I rented my car, drove three miles and looked at the gauge. I was at half gas, half tank.

• 1:14:15Andrew Santino?

  What is that? It's just a sedan.

• 1:14:17Speaker 05

  No, no, but they gave me a car.

• 1:14:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, they fucked you with the gas?

• 1:14:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:20Andrew Santino?

  They fucked me at Alamo?

• 1:14:21Speaker 05

  So I took a photo.

• 1:14:22Andrew Santino?

  I want that as your next slogan, "They fucked me at Alamo." You know they fucked me at Alamo?

• 1:14:27Speaker 05

  Remember.

• 1:14:28Andrew Santino?

  Remember?

• 1:14:29Speaker 05

  They fucked me at the Alamo.

• 1:14:30Andrew Santino?

  They fucked me at Alamo. That's very good.

• 1:14:31Speaker 05

  Folks, we are coming up with some gold here.

• 1:14:32Andrew Santino?

  We're killing it.

• 1:14:33Speaker 05

  So anyways, I was driving over here through the Hollywood Hills and I'm at like, I have 80 miles to go. So I have no phone, no gas. I'm in a bad spot here.

• 1:14:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't know how to help you. I do think karmatically, if you started to leave more tips at hotels, this would all work out.

• 1:14:48Speaker 05

  Well, I think if you didn't move the time of this podcast, none of this would have been an issue.

• 1:14:53Andrew Santino?

  Perhaps. Also, this is gonna teach you multiple layers of life lessons and also work out better in the long run for you. Watch Small Ball on YouTube.

• 1:15:02Speaker 05

  Please, I'm a 43-year-old father. I mean, I know the lessons.

• 1:15:06Andrew Santino?

  He's got a kid. He's gonna have another one on the way. How many views is Small Ball at now?

• 1:15:10Speaker 05

  870.

• 1:15:11Andrew Santino?

  We gotta get Small Ball over a million.

• 1:15:13Speaker 05

  Let's get it over a million. And that's just the latest special. There's four specials on YouTube.

• 1:15:18Andrew Santino?

  But Small Ball is the one you want everyone to watch.

• 1:15:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, but yeah, we watch them all, collect them all. Maybe you've never heard of me.

• 1:15:23Andrew Santino?

  No, they've heard of you. People know. 876, three months ago. We do have to get this full special. Small Ball, over that hump of a million.

• 1:15:31Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:15:32Andrew Santino?

  You did it, Zanies?

• 1:15:33Speaker 05

  I did at both Zany's and we cut them together.

• 1:15:36Andrew Santino?

  Zany's Nashville?

• 1:15:37Speaker 05

  No, no, no. Zany's, um, the downtown and what's that fucking?

• 1:15:42Andrew Santino?

  Zany's Chicago?

• 1:15:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:44Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit, Schaumburg.

• 1:15:45Speaker 05

  No, no, no. That's the improv.

• 1:15:46Andrew Santino?

  I'm sorry, it's a, it's a Rosemont. Yeah, Rosemont, yeah.

• 1:15:49Speaker 05

  It's fucking great.

• 1:15:50Andrew Santino?

  I've never played it. I know, I, I've never, uh... You know, I've never, isn't that funny? Chicago's my hometown and I've never played the Rosemont Zany's and I've never played... I've only done guest spots on the downtown, like a pop-in.

• 1:16:01Speaker 05

  What happened? Why don't I?

• 1:16:02Andrew Santino?

  I never did a weekend. Well, cause when I first started touring, um... I think I was really scared of playing home. Like, it was like in my brain. And then by the time I, like, got enough of a fanbase to play at home, the first show I did, I did the Beat Kitchen, which is like a music venue. It's like a 300-seat music venue or something. And then after that, I was gonna do Talia Hall. Uh, and then I started doing Chicago Theaters.

• 1:16:29Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 1:16:30Andrew Santino?

  So I'd already like, I was just so scared to tour at home, man. Home is like a fucking nightmare for me.

• 1:16:34Speaker 05

  It's not fu- well, that's when we did the half-hours, that was in Boston, which is my hometown. It's the worst. I would never record or do anything in Boston again. Because it was a TV show. It just happened to be where they shot.

• 1:16:44Andrew Santino?

  It's just hard to do home.

• 1:16:45Speaker 05

  And I was recording a half-hour comedy show and I could see 17 members of my family like this.

• 1:16:50Andrew Santino?

  It sucks. It's so hard at home.

• 1:16:51Speaker 05

  It was terrible.

• 1:16:52Andrew Santino?

  That's why people go, "Don't you love playing Boston? Don't you love playing Chicago?" I'm always like, "I love it cause I'm home, but it's, it's..." But then it's like 90 people being like, "Hey, can my friends' friends' friends' brother's cousin come?" And you're like, "Sure. I just, there's, I have so many other things to do."

• 1:17:06Speaker 05

  Right. And literally, it's like my mother calling me, being like, "Where do we park? I'm freaking out." And I'm like, "I don't know."

• 1:17:12Andrew Santino?

  Don't come.

• 1:17:13Speaker 05

  You have to park somewhere. I don't know.

• 1:17:14Andrew Santino?

  Don't come, don't come. Please don't come.

• 1:17:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:17:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so now, it is, it is funny, yeah. Chicago, uh, yeah, I just didn't, like, did you do, you do Wilbur's when you go home, yeah?

• 1:17:21Speaker 05

  I do the Wilbur, yeah.

• 1:17:22Andrew Santino?

  How many do you do?

• 1:17:24Speaker 05

  One.

• 1:17:25Andrew Santino?

  You can do more than one.

• 1:17:27Speaker 05

  I'm not successful, Andrew.

• 1:17:29Andrew Santino?

  You are, you're.

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  I'm telling you.

• 1:17:31Andrew Santino?

  You are.

• 1:17:31Speaker 05

  I do one. One's good.

• 1:17:33Andrew Santino?

  One is great.

• 1:17:34Speaker 05

  I don't wanna be doing two.

• 1:17:35Andrew Santino?

  You can do two.

• 1:17:36Speaker 05

  Well, maybe next, maybe with this. Maybe this is the pod that.

• 1:17:38Andrew Santino?

  No, I know you can do two. As good as you, as good as you are.

• 1:17:42Speaker 05

  If I could get on Rogan, I think that would.

• 1:17:45Andrew Santino?

  Didn't you do Rogan?

• 1:17:46Speaker 05

  Four times.

• 1:17:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Isn't that the funniest thing? Well, I love when people say to me, they go, you should do Rogan. It's like, I've done it 10 times.

• 1:17:52Speaker 05

  No, I had someone say recently, like, I think once you get Rogan, though, you'll be in a different level. And I'm like, I've done it four times. And they're like, oh.

• 1:18:00Andrew Santino?

  They're like, four times recently?

• 1:18:04Speaker 05

  Uh huh. Uh, but no, you know, I'm, I'm playing the slow game. But you guys, go watch Small Ball, you'll shit your pants, then watch the other three. And can I plug something else too?

• 1:18:13Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:18:13Speaker 05

  I made a film, Jerry. I should have, I should have sent it.

• 1:18:17Andrew Santino?

  That's such a good line.

• 1:18:17Speaker 05

  I should have sent it to you, but I felt, you know, I feel weird asking people things.

• 1:18:22Andrew Santino?

  Is that a titleist?

• 1:18:23Speaker 05

  Uh, hole in one. Um, I made a movie called Tom Dustin Portrait of a Comedian. It's a documentary. I'll send it to you if you ever wanna watch it.

• 1:18:30Andrew Santino?

  I would, I would actually love to.

• 1:18:31Speaker 05

  Comics love it. Bill Burr loved it. Mark loved it. Ari said it was the funniest doc he's ever seen.

• 1:18:36Andrew Santino?

  Ari Shaffir?

• 1:18:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:38Andrew Santino?

  Don't trust him.

• 1:18:39Speaker 05

  Well, you don't have to. He's in the jungle now.

• 1:18:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, with that motherfucker, dude. He's so weird. Throws away his phone for weeks at a time. When he lived in LA, he was evasive like that, too. He would disappear. He's such a fucking weirdo.

• 1:18:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, he stinks.

• 1:18:50Andrew Santino?

  Uh, send it to me. I'd love to see it.

• 1:18:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:52Andrew Santino?

  And Born on the Fourth of July.

• 1:18:54Speaker 05

  No, that's the Tom Cruise.

• 1:18:56Andrew Santino?

  That's your movie.

• 1:18:57Speaker 05

  No, Fourth of July is my movie. Born on the Fourth of July is Tom Cruise. I get confused. This happens a lot. People think that I'm Tom Cruise.

• 1:19:02Andrew Santino?

  You're not Tom Cruise.

• 1:19:03Speaker 05

  I'm not. But I can run.

• 1:19:06Andrew Santino?

  What's the name of your movie again? The new one?

• 1:19:07Speaker 05

  Fourth of, oh, the new one?

• 1:19:09Andrew Santino?

  No, Fourth of July, I know. The other one.

• 1:19:10Speaker 05

  Fourth of July, Tom Dustin.

• 1:19:12Andrew Santino?

  Tom Dustin, who is he?

• 1:19:12Speaker 05

  You ever meet Tom Dustin?

• 1:19:13Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:19:14Speaker 05

  He's a wonderful man.

• 1:19:16Andrew Santino?

  And you did a documentary about him?

• 1:19:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's a comedian. We started together. He moved to Key West and I moved to New York and we're best buddies. D U S T I N.

• 1:19:27Andrew Santino?

  Do you still keep in contact with him?

• 1:19:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I made a movie about him.

• 1:19:30Andrew Santino?

  Tom Dustin Portrait of a Comedian.

• 1:19:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:31Andrew Santino?

  Now, why is this?

• 1:19:33Speaker 05

  Why is what?

• 1:19:34Andrew Santino?

  Why is this man so interesting to you?

• 1:19:38Speaker 05

  Well, he's hilarious. He's one of the, he's just an all-time comedy character. And he's one of these guys that everyone that meets him has a Tom Dustin story. He's like a legend among comedians that have known him, met him. You should go down there and do The Room sometime. It's a fun room.

• 1:19:52Andrew Santino?

  No, thank you.

• 1:19:53Speaker 05

  I didn't think so, but...

• 1:19:54Andrew Santino?

  Where is it? Key West?

• 1:19:55Speaker 05

  Key West. It's fucking awesome.

• 1:19:57Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:19:57Speaker 05

  All your friends have done it. Name a friend.

• 1:20:03Speaker 05

  Someone that's done The Room.

• 1:20:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Nick Swartson, I bet, has done The Room.

• 1:20:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, absolutely he has.

• 1:20:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because he loves down there.

• 1:20:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was down there. I didn't know Nick Swartson lived there. And you know how you do the thing where you go, "Hey, look, it's fucking Michael J. Fox with a suit." And I went, "Hey, look, Nick Swartson in a cowboy hat." And Tom Dustin was like, "That's literally Nick Swartson in a cowboy hat." And I was like, huh.

• 1:20:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he lived on there for a year. For a year and a couple of months. He spent a million dollars at the hotel. Do you know the story?

• 1:20:30Speaker 05

  I've heard some stories, but I don't think I know this one.

• 1:20:32Andrew Santino?

  He went down there to Key West during COVID to get away. And he stayed at the hotel and drank and partied for just over a year and spent just, I think, just shy or just over a million dollars in hotel bills.

• 1:20:43Speaker 05

  That's a lot of dollars. I hope he tipped.

• 1:20:44Andrew Santino?

  That's Nick. He did not. He said that very adamantly. And he kept the thing in his room the whole time.

• 1:20:49Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:20:49Andrew Santino?

  For an entire calendar year. No, I'll, I want to check that out. Please watch Small Ball Run. And will you send me that movie? And where is it?

• 1:20:57Speaker 05

  I'll send it to you. It's on Punch Up Live.

• 1:20:59Andrew Santino?

  Punch Up Live?

• 1:21:00Speaker 05

  Great website.

• 1:21:00Andrew Santino?

  No, they called me about doing that thing. I had a conversation with him about it.

• 1:21:03Speaker 05

  He's awesome.

• 1:21:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, I don't, I should do it. I won't.

• 1:21:07Speaker 05

  He's a great guy.

• 1:21:08Andrew Santino?

  That's kind of been my whole life. I should do it. I won't.

• 1:21:11Speaker 05

  I'm the same way.

• 1:21:12Andrew Santino?

  I like, oh, I should do that, and I won't.

• 1:21:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm a big fuck up.

• 1:21:15Andrew Santino?

  Someone's like, you should put more clips online. I'm like, I should, I won't.

• 1:21:18Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, don't get me that. This is why I don't sell more than one. Everyone started doing clips on Instagram, and I'm like, you fucking idiots, this is about photographs. And I was posting sunsets and brick walls, and I had to open and start a second Instagram, Joe List Photography, because finally I was like, I guess I gotta stop doing this.

• 1:21:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, you like taking photos.

• 1:21:32Speaker 05

  I do love taking photos.

• 1:21:33Andrew Santino?

  This is a second career for you.

• 1:21:34Speaker 05

  It is.

• 1:21:35Andrew Santino?

  But the first one's working out just fine. Watch Small Ball right now. Joe List, one of the funniest working comics today, vouched by many, verified and checked off by many of our great favorites. Do say behind your back, you're one of the best comics, and I do agree with that. You've always been such a funny, sweet, good guy. And I hope continued success in your career, and I can't look at you when I say that because I'll laugh, because I don't mean any of it.

• 1:21:59Andrew Santino?

  Joe is the man. Please watch Small Ball. The link in the description down below. We end the show the same way, with one word or one phrase. Look into that camera. One word or one phrase.

• 1:22:08Speaker 05

  Zaire.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  Who are that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:22:17Speaker 04

  It's dirty and ginger.

• 1:22:19Speaker 03

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:22:21Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers? Oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.