Jordan Jensen & Jon Rudnitsky - Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Jordan Jensen and Jon Rudnitsky join Mark and Sam to talk about John’s wild rise to SNL, bombing in front of Donald Trump, surviving terrible road gigs, and turning it all into his new special, Special Boy. Jordan opens up about disastrous relationships, chasing unavailable people, women and modern dating, while the group debates The Odyssey, restaurant culture, jealous partners, meet-and-greet nightmares, and whether picking up another man’s wife during a hug crosses the line. Sponsored by: Fabletics: Get 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP https://www.fabletics.com/WMBD Willie’s THC-Infused Social Tonic: Get 20% off your first order with code WMBD https://www.drinkwillies.com/ Tempo: Get 60% off your first box https://www.tempomeals.com/drunk Quo: Try Quo free and get 20% off your first six months https://www.quo.com/WMBD Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Jordan Jensen: https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Jon Rudnitsky https://www.instagram.com/jonrudnitsky?igsh=ZjVmbnNpeHA2YXp2 Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #JordanJensen #JohnRudnitsky #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  What are we doing here? What is this? This is fucking weird.

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  Joking around. I don't get a podcast. I don't get podcasts.

• 0:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah. How you guys doing?

• 0:18Mark Normand?

  Hey, John, Jordan. Good to have you.

• 0:20Speaker 02

  Thanks for having me.

• 0:21Speaker 03

  We're going, we're rolling.

• 0:22Mark Normand?

  We're rolling, sister.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  It's going down.

• 0:23Speaker 03

  Oh, this is such a good day. I was gonna do this pod and I was like, I'm gonna do it and it'll be good. And then Matt Texan was like, would you be okay with John doing it also? And I was like, yeah.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  Oh, he was good?

• 0:34Speaker 03

  He's my favorite guy in the whole world.

• 0:35Mark Normand?

  I always say, we gotta bring John on to keep the views low. That's the plan.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  It is true. Rick Glassman always tells me I get the least amount of views.

• 0:43Mark Normand?

  No.

• 0:44Speaker 02

  Which honestly means a lot that he continues to have me on.

• 0:47Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:48Mark Normand?

  And now us.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  It means more. It means more.

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  Little thing we like to call charity.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  You don't have to put me in the thumbnail.

• 0:52Speaker 03

  No, I had a feminist on that got lower than you.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 0:56Speaker 02

  That means a lot.

• 0:57Mark Normand?

  They're a lot of fun.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 0:59Sam Morril?

  You gotta, you gotta male audience.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  I guess. I, I think I have, it's leaning female now that the special was so period heavy.

• 1:08Mark Normand?

  It's a period piece.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  It was bloody. Yes. Yes, I should have named it that.

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  Come on!

• 1:13Speaker 02

  The next one.

• 1:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was a bloody mistake.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  Fuck. Fuck. But I'm here promoting John's special.

• 1:20Mark Normand?

  You got a special?

• 1:21Speaker 02

  I got a special coming out, yes.

• 1:23Speaker 03

  It's not a normal special.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  It's not a normal special. It's me performing to half-empty rooms. It's a, it's also a documentary. It starts with me at 25 on SNL achieving my dreams and then 10 years later, I'm 35 and I'm performing in a conference room in Kenosha, Wisconsin to about 30.

• 1:39Sam Morril?

  You know who was born in Kenosha, Wisconsin?

• 1:41Mark Normand?

  Jeffrey Dahmer.

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  Orson Welles.

• 1:43Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:44Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 1:45Speaker 03

  How do you know that? God.

• 1:46Sam Morril?

  I love Orson Welles.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, okay, okay.

• 1:48Sam Morril?

  I love Kenosha, Wisconsin. I'm a Kenosha head.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  This is very similar to Citizen Kane.

• 1:53Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it. Nobody bought it. I'm putting it on YouTube.

• 1:57Sam Morril?

  So you were filming, you were filming this at SNL, well, like, as a hopes of this being a different type of thing?

• 2:02Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. It's just like, that's...

• 2:05Speaker 03

  John has a comically bad life.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  I have a comically bad life.

• 2:07Speaker 03

  It's really bad.

• 2:08Sam Morril?

  That's a good title for the special.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  Like, he has, like, a loving family and a wonderful apartment and nice people around him and a beautiful girlfriend and then his life on the road is, like, the worst thing you've ever...

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 2:18Speaker 03

  It's like, just chaos.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  I managed to make it bad. I, well, I had a terrible agent for a very long time. This guy, Stu.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  No, you say yes to shit that's crazy.

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  Is Stu still in the biz?

• 2:27Speaker 02

  No, he's not. And according to LinkedIn, he has a company called Throw It Hard Entertainment.

• 2:32Mark Normand?

  Pull it up! Throw it hard!

• 2:34Speaker 02

  Throw it hard entertainment. I have no idea what it could be.

• 2:37Sam Morril?

  They're producing Mark and my movie.

• 2:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 2:40Sam Morril?

  It's a Throw It Hard production.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  But he would just...

• 2:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, I remember this guy. He used to rep Phil.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  You know this guy, right?

• 2:46Speaker 03

  He was the guy that would call you and be like...

• 2:47Sam Morril?

  He reped Phil Handley.

• 2:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. He would be like, we're gonna get you into a law and order.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  By the way, that's the first time I've seen him.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Well, we FaceTimed once when we first worked together and then never again. But he would just periodically yell at me. I'd be like, I don't wanna go here. And he'd be like, I'm not your mommy, you're not a baby, you're going.

• 3:06Mark Normand?

  I like this guy.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  He would really yell at me.

• 3:09Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 3:09Speaker 02

  I go, there's a hurricane coming.

• 3:10Sam Morril?

  By the way, those aren't, those aren't true, though.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  I'm not a meteorologist!

• 3:16Speaker 02

  You're doing the gig!

• 3:17Speaker 03

  He tried to rep me and he called and he was like, I see you as a tough lady cop on Law & Order. And I was like, yeah, I know. Okay, I know. I don't wanna do that.

• 3:25Speaker 02

  You worked with him or he just called you out of the blue to tell you that?

• 3:27Speaker 03

  He just wanted, he was, that was like his allure, was that he could get me on Law & Order.

• 3:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's fun.

• 3:32Speaker 03

  It was...

• 3:32Sam Morril?

  As like, as a guest spot?

• 3:34Speaker 03

  As like a, that was like his big prize, was like, guess what, guess what I could do for you?

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Well, he was very hungry, like, you know, as far as getting a gig, but then the gig would be bad. He's like, I'm routing you in Montana and then you get to, like, a bar.

• 3:46Mark Normand?

  He's hungry because he hadn't eaten in two weeks.

• 3:49Speaker 02

  And then I get to the bar in Montana and they'd be like, oh, we didn't know you were coming. And I'm like...

• 3:54Speaker 03

  We have no microphone.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Do you have a microphone?

• 3:56Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 3:56Speaker 02

  He was like, I thought you brought your own. I went with Mikey Rollin'.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  He goes, sorry, we've never done this before. Your agent just like cold called us.

• 4:02Mark Normand?

  Wow, you brought Mike? He's a TV star. Why are you bringing him down?

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Oh, god damn it.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  There's so many bad...

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Because he was living out of the van at the time.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  You just did a commercial that was, or, of the... You just did a show that was super bad.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  Where they were bullied you.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Every time I call you, you have a...

• 4:16Speaker 02

  A network show and I, yeah.

• 4:18Sam Morril?

  What show?

• 4:18Mark Normand?

  You were on Curb, though.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  I was on Curb.

• 4:20Mark Normand?

  You were Young Larry.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  I was Young Larry, for Christ's sake.

• 4:23Mark Normand?

  Which we auditioned for.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 4:24Sam Morril?

  Mark was up for that same role.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  But then you got cursed by a witch.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Those credits have landed me nowhere, apparently, or...

• 4:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, that's not supposed to get, that's not a stepping stone.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Hey!

• 4:34Mark Normand?

  How was that Young Larry? You're way too hot.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Well, you know, it's, uh...

• 4:37Speaker 03

  He has a very inflated ego.

• 4:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the stretch.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  It's, it's, you know, it was the sitcom, Young Larry.

• 4:43Mark Normand?

  I see.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  So it was like, I was like the annoying actor version.

• 4:45Mark Normand?

  Got it, got it.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  And I was like, damn, look at that guy.

• 4:49Mark Normand?

  Now, how did you get that on? Because we, I did a, I really, I suck at auditions, but I went all in. I hired a guy, him, and he filmed me. We, we dressed up, we did the part, we went to a location, we had props, uh, nothing. How did you do it?

• 5:03Speaker 03

  Was you auditioning for Young Larry?

• 5:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  Wow!

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Actually, I did it with my buddy Jake Nordberg.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  You're not Jewish.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Who's around on SNL. But I wrote out the...

• 5:10Mark Normand?

  I look more Jewish than him.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  I wrote out the audition.

• 5:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  I knew what would annoy Larry and, like, I wrote the scene, like, I thought it would go down.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  That's the Jewish thing, he knows.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  And I was like, oh, I'm gonna be method, I'm gonna be like, would you mind calling me Larry? And like, all that stuff and...

• 5:24Sam Morril?

  Feels like that would infuriate him.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just, knowing what would infuriate him, that's what I did.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  Now, how is having Larry David as a girlfriend dad?

• 5:33Speaker 02

  I mean, he's my hero, so it is pretty surreal to, like, you know, be staying at the house and coming to the kitchen and he'd be like, Johnny Bar!

• 5:40Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 5:40Speaker 02

  John John's awake, you know?

• 5:42Mark Normand?

  Crazy!

• 5:43Speaker 02

  And the thing is, I'm such a fan of his and it's like, he's so much a part of my comedy language and, like, the way that I speak, that it's like, when he talks, I'm, I can't help but be like...

• 5:52Mark Normand?

  Of course!

• 5:53Speaker 02

  How about these potatoes, huh?

• 5:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  You know, like, I can't help it.

• 5:56Sam Morril?

  I've had that with, people rip off Norman's cadence and I had a camera guy once on the road and he kept talking like Norman and Vida and I were like, I can't fucking take this. Every time we leave the room, like, he's doing Norman!

• 6:07Mark Normand?

  You gotta fire that guy.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  What's the guy that opens you? The Indian Norman?

• 6:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, Dark Norman.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  Dark Norman.

• 6:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's what we call him.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  Wait, but was he doing it before you?

• 6:16Mark Normand?

  I gave him a guest set 20 years ago and he sounded like that and everybody at the show was like, what's going on here?

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Because we did the Orlando Comedy Fest together and I remember that guy being a headliner, but I think he's been doing comedy longer than you.

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  No, I don't think so.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  So you're doing him.

• 6:30Sam Morril?

  We had a dog in our green room, he barked like Norman, bark Norman. Very Norman.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  There he is, Raj Balani, funny guy, check him out, buddy.

• 6:39Sam Morril?

  Of course you like him, he's doing you.

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  Grape riding, good delivery, yeah. Aside from the Indian thing, he's great.

• 6:48Sam Morril?

  Handsome guy.

• 6:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  Do you hear kids doing you?

• 6:51Mark Normand?

  Kids?

• 6:52Speaker 03

  Like, you know, young comics?

• 6:53Sam Morril?

  Only when his wife's out of town.

• 6:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I don't know what you were talking about there.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  Are kids doing you?

• 6:59Mark Normand?

  I had a guy, kids are doing me when my wife's out of town, yeah. I had a guy at a, I ran into an open mic to get a set in one time and a kid goes, uh, I'm Kevin Hart. At the end, and I was like, whoa, whoa! I had to shut him down. I had to chat with him after.

• 7:13Sam Morril?

  Season to set slater?

• 7:14Speaker 03

  That just happened to me, I had to chat with a girl who did my thing.

• 7:16Sam Morril?

  What'd you do?

• 7:17Mark Normand?

  A bunch of period stuff?

• 7:17Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't wanna out her, but she did something that I do all the time on stage, it's like a thing, and I had to be like, hey, I've been doing this before you were born, babe, you can't be doing that. And then she didn't delete the clip, which is fine.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  She didn't delete the clip, but she said she heard you.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 7:32Speaker 02

  She said she heard you, she understood.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  And my stepbrother commented.

• 7:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit!

• 7:36Speaker 02

  And tagged the comic?

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:39Mark Normand?

  You hear that Fiona Colly?

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Huh? Sorry. Oh, I don't know, I haven't checked.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Very interesting.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  But I don't mind, you can do, there's a lot of people doing the, like, uh, uh, girl, you know what I mean? But when you do the overt, it's exactly like the Kevin Hart thing.

• 7:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  It's the same exact thing.

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  That's all mine all day.

• 7:56Sam Morril?

  Well, it's worse with you because it's like your essence, right?

• 7:58Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  Didn't someone accuse...

• 8:00Speaker 02

  Steve Burner, uh, Tom Cook accused Steve Burner.

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Of stealing his...

• 8:04Sam Morril?

  It's a funny thing to accuse someone of.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Which is crazy because they are, they are nothing alike.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  The essence is open to be stolen. When I started comedy, I used to watch Louie, like, con, like, like constantly before I went on stage, and then I would go on stage because I had confidence, because I could just basically mimic him. Like, young comics are all doing that.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Right. You're pretending to be someone until you're you, I guess.

• 8:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, but when you're a hotter, younger version of me, you can't be doing my essence.

• 8:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 8:29Speaker 03

  If you're a boy, rip me off.

• 8:31Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  But no, you can't be a girl. You can't, and I'll kill myself.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  That's fair.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  They can't replicate your mental illness.

• 8:37Mark Normand?

  Well, we hone these things, though.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  We cultivate our, our things and so when someone takes them, it's like, whoa, this is my, my meal ticket.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. I don't mind essence, but the direct rip off, I can't, then I'll say something.

• 8:48Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  The Kevin Hart thing is...

• 8:50Speaker 02

  But your essences are so out there that it's obvious at this point, I think, if anyone's trying to copy it, so that's good.

• 8:55Sam Morril?

  But it was a bit that this person took?

• 8:56Speaker 03

  It was like a thing that I do during crowd work every time, where I like, like a movement that I do. And then, like, a very overt movement.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  Is it the tongue-out thing?

• 9:07Speaker 03

  No, that's, no, but there is a girl doing it, whatever, it's fine.

• 9:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, geez!

• 9:11Speaker 03

  But no, it was like...

• 9:12Sam Morril?

  Her lawyer's working overtime right now.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  It was a very, it was like a very clear, like, oh, you've literally seen me do this thousands of times and you're doing it. It doesn't make any sense to do, I do it because I'm insane. And then, I saw it.

• 9:25Mark Normand?

  Interesting. Now I'm gonna be studying your act.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  I'll tell you, I'll just tell you after.

• 9:28Mark Normand?

  Okay, great.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:29Mark Normand?

  I don't wanna watch your act.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  I just don't wanna hurt this person's feelings because there was some...

• 9:31Mark Normand?

  Well, I mean, how many Shane young guys you see doing this? A lot of, like, a lot of this?

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:36Mark Normand?

  That's very Shane.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  The arm behind the back.

• 9:38Mark Normand?

  Arm behind the back.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  The arm behind the back.

• 9:39Mark Normand?

  Which Nate did first.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  But that's such a comfortable, it's so comfortable.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  It is hard to have your own posture there. There's only so many things you can do there with the mic.

• 9:49Sam Morril?

  That is, that's Shane.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  And this, the head up?

• 9:52Mark Normand?

  Head up, eyes up, that's a big one.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  I, at one point onstage did that and I was like, and I, and I was like, you have to never do that again. It felt so, but it's so funny to be a silly.

• 10:02Mark Normand?

  It's very funny.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  But yeah, it's really hard. And it's like, I was talking to Nikki Glaser about this yesterday. She was like, I can't, if I watch people, I'm just mimicking. And I was like, I told, if I go up after somebody, I'm like, did I just say?

• 10:13Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  It's really tough.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  When I first went on the road, I was opening for Santino and I didn't know what I was doing. And I ended up slowly, I think, trying to speak like that.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  You can't help it.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Nikki like watched my special before she did hers and she said they had to cut out like a hundred and fifty dudes. I don't say dude. Why am I doing, but I do the exact same thing. Like with Louis, I'll just like pick up the word like, like it's ridiculous or something like that.

• 10:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  Just say it.

• 10:39Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  Or like, that doesn't matter. He always says matter a lot.

• 10:42Mark Normand?

  He does say matter. I get, oh, Norm's over here. I was at the bar over here. He always says over here for some reason, or over there.

• 10:48Sam Morril?

  Very Canadian.

• 10:49Mark Normand?

  Very Canadian. And I'll, I'll catch myself going over there. I'm, I'm walking over here.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  But you don't say that in life.

• 10:54Mark Normand?

  Not really, no. So I have to tamp it down.

• 10:57Sam Morril?

  It's, it's a, like, it's a crutch. You're, you're literally like, I, this is how I can get by. Think about how often you say fuck in a new joke.

• 11:05Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  You have no confidence. It's a confidence thing.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  That's so.

• 11:08Sam Morril?

  I was at this fucking, and you're like, I don't, why am I, I'm talking about sponges. Why do I keep saying fuck?

• 11:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  I think it's cool that you can trace people back. Like you can trace John to Larry David, you can trace you to Norm, you can trace Joe to Norm. You know what I mean? Like, it's cool that you can like, find people's origins.

• 11:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we, it's pretty clear. I think everyone knows who you were doing.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's why it's so cool. You see a guy, you're like, whoa, never seen anyone like this. Like Norm, who did he sound like?

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Well, he.

• 11:33Mark Normand?

  He was a first.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:34Mark Normand?

  You know, that's what you wanna be. You wanna be like an original.

• 11:37Sam Morril?

  It's a newer thing, though.

• 11:38Mark Normand?

  Exactly, like a head bird.

• 11:39Sam Morril?

  Standup is not that old.

• 11:41Mark Normand?

  I know, it's true.

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  The way modern standup is, at least.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  Who'd you watch?

• 11:45Sam Morril?

  Attell, Dangerfield.

• 11:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 11:48Sam Morril?

  Those were, yeah, Geraldo I loved.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

• 11:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, those all make sense.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  See him in the, the gumbo.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Mine was Louis and Robin Williams.

• 11:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa. I see Robin.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  That is a real combo there.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's a weird combo.

• 12:03Mark Normand?

  When he does the eat out on the arm, that's all you.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's all me.

• 12:06Mark Normand?

  Pull that up, if you can. I love that clip.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Yes, I love that.

• 12:10Mark Normand?

  He's got some gold, Robin Williams.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Big for me, too.

• 12:12Mark Normand?

  His golf bit is amazing. It's like eight minutes long.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  My mom went and saw him when I was a kid and I was like, you saw Robin Williams? How was it? She goes, too dirty. It's like, alright.

• 12:21Sam Morril?

  I love that you reduce him to that.

• 12:23Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 12:23Sam Morril?

  Two words.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  I was also obsessed with Bill Cosby.

• 12:26Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  You.

• 12:27Mark Normand?

  Love Cosby, yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  I went to see him as like a kid.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Look at me, I'm goo boy. What are you doing?

• 12:33Mark Normand?

  Is this the eating out? Oh, great.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  That's right, Corky. It's time to saddle up. We're heading south to the border. You gotta please Missy. And I have one question for the ladies. Do we look like this?

• 12:51Mark Normand?

  He has to do that in the mirror, I want to work it out.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  That eating out a woman, yeah. Is that what you see?

• 12:59Speaker 03

  That's what we see. Yeah, and then you get the desperate eyes looking up sometimes.

• 13:02Sam Morril?

  The Shane Gillis face?

• 13:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:07Mark Normand?

  I found your clip.

• 13:11Mark Normand?

  Good times.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's a best.

• 13:13Sam Morril?

  Can I ask you about, so the beginning of this doc, so you, you're getting, you getting thrown off SNL basically, that you're showing the highs and then followed by the lows?

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 13:22Sam Morril?

  What was that like? I mean, achieving your dream. I heard you got it from that, it was the Dirty Dancing bit?

• 13:28Speaker 02

  The Dirty Dancing bit, yeah.

• 13:29Mark Normand?

  Great bit.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Great bit.

• 13:30Sam Morril?

  And you did it, is it, is the process of getting SNL, you did that at what, Montreal, or do you do it for Lorne?

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I mean, I had gotten an audition for, or a callback for New Faces, but I wasn't that good at standup. I was only like, I was opening for Santino, but I was like, two years in, you know? And so, I was like, oh, I'm supposed to do the jokes that I already did for the original audition, but what if I do this dance bit that I tried at like a small show? Cause this feels at least like they'll remember me, but I'm still not gonna get JFL.

• 13:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  And so I just did this dance and then I got JFL doing that dance.

• 14:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  And then SNL was there and then they invited me to audition. And then I got, and I was the only new cast member hired that year. So it's like, I rode this one bit all the way to the show and then I got to the show and they're like, what else you got? Okay. That was it. I thought you guys like, right for me.

• 14:17Sam Morril?

  How old were you?

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Twenty-five.

• 14:19Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 14:20Speaker 03

  Oh, he's just a boy.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  Oh, I was very scared all the time.

• 14:23Sam Morril?

  Everyone wants everything immediately, but it can be, it can be bad.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  That was the biggest lesson of it. It was like, yeah, you think you want the thing, especially when you're not good. Now it's like, I'm trying to like take my time, cause I know that I'm not as good as I'll be, you know? And, uh.

• 14:37Mark Normand?

  How long did you last? Can I ask?

• 14:39Speaker 02

  One season, one season.

• 14:40Sam Morril?

  Well, how intimidating was that room?

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Well, so intimidating, cause you're like, Tuesday night, you've gotta write something for a Wednesday table read. And it's not in anyone's best interests to write with you.

• 14:50Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Because they wanna get on the show.

• 14:52Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  So they're gonna write something for Keenan or Kate McKinnon or whoever. And so a lot of times.

• 14:57Sam Morril?

  So you felt like you didn't have allies?

• 14:58Speaker 02

  I was like, right, I didn't have a lot of allies. So a lot of times I'd be writing alone. And to, and I didn't know what I was doing.

• 15:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  And then I'm reading the thing I wrote at like, at 5:00 AM the next day at a table read in front of everyone I love and admire. You know, and a movie star, like Trump hosted, well, not, not, he's not somebody I admire, but he was there the fourth week of work and I bombed so hard I could hear the protesting 17.

• 15:24Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  You know, like that's like.

• 15:26Sam Morril?

  Did you do this in front of Trump?

• 15:27Mark Normand?

  Get John off the show.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Yes, I bombed in front of Trump.

• 15:29Sam Morril?

  Holy shit. Now he's bombing in front of the country.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Amy Poehler, I bombed, you know. What Larry hosted was the one week I did Dirty Dancing, so I was like, thank God. I did like, I've only had good experiences in front of Larry, thank God, but like.

• 15:41Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  I bombed in front of.

• 15:42Speaker 03

  It's too young. It fucks people up, too. Everybody gets out of there as like a war veteran.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  And it's also like, now, now it feels like there's other, there's so many other things, but at that time, it still felt like SNL's the only thing that matters.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Now, how easy was it to get laid by being on SNL? You go up to a girl at a bar, you go, hey, I'm the new cast member.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  I think, I think a part of my problem was I was also like, well, I didn't know what I was doing. And I was like, well, I'm, but I'm also like kinda famous for the, I wasn't really, but.

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  You're on the opening.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  But like, Raya, you know, just started.

• 16:10Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  And it was like, you know, they were still only letting in like ten guys.

• 16:14Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  And I was able to get on there. And so, yeah, I would like show up to an SNL party with like my friends from New Jersey and like a riot date. And I was an idiot. I was a fucking idiot. And my mom, and it was just like.

• 16:27Mark Normand?

  You didn't utilize it?

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were like, you gotta stop showing up with a riot date and five friends and your mom every week. And, you know, I was an idiot. So that part of it, I was enjoying that aspect of it, but probably too much.

• 16:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I see.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  I was acting, you know, like.

• 16:41Mark Normand?

  Like a twenty-five-year-old.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  Like a twenty-five-year-old.

• 16:44Sam Morril?

  Do you remember the bits?

• 16:44Speaker 02

  But like, like I, like I was crushing, you know?

• 16:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  It's like, it's one thing to like, if you're doing well, if you're, you know, like Pete could do that.

• 16:51Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Like me showing up, like it was my show every week when I didn't have anything on was kinda ridiculous.

• 16:58Mark Normand?

  Well, we forget how like Ralph Barbosa, I saw him get in trouble. He was doing donuts in a Corvette or something. And everybody's like, oh, he's, he's slipping, he's losing. I'm like, no, he's being a twenty-year-old, whatever. That's what I did when I was twenty, but I just didn't have any money.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:11Mark Normand?

  He's got the millions of dollars.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  They fucked up Montreal so bad. This year, the SNL couldn't get in to see the new faces.

• 17:17Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 17:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. Like, they, they oversold the show. So all these kids are like going up and doing new, I mean, they're not kids, whatever, but they're doing new faces. And SNL was waiting outside and being like, you guys aren't for real not gonna let us, we're SNL.

• 17:30Sam Morril?

  They got to go up in front of the bookers of Go Bananas, but not Lorne Michaels.

• 17:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  And they, so they didn't get seen. It was, they fucked them so hard.

• 17:37Mark Normand?

  Damn. That's why they go there, it's for that.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  I know.

• 17:40Mark Normand?

  That sucks.

• 17:41Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:41Mark Normand?

  Good job, uh, JFL. That's the worst thing you've ever done.

• 17:45Sam Morril?

  Do you remember pitching anything? So you, you're talking about bombing in front of like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler. Do you remember what you pitched that was just?

• 17:51Speaker 02

  I don't remember to them. I just remember I did something at a table that bombed. I remember there was something with Ryan Gosling.

• 17:57Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Where I said like, I'm a dying soldier and you say that you're gonna tell my wife that I love her. And I said, I don't care about my wife, just kiss me. And, uh. And like, it like kinda got like.

• 18:11Speaker 03

  You just wanted to kiss Ryan Gosling.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  A couple of chuckles, yeah, exactly. And then Ryan, Ryan was like, yeah, I don't wanna do that.

• 18:17Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  And then that got big laughs.

• 18:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the worst.

• 18:23Speaker 03

  That year.

• 18:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's how you know it's kinda a funny scenario, is that him rejecting you is kinda funny.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  I was like.

• 18:28Mark Normand?

  True.

• 18:28Sam Morril?

  You incorporate that.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  I'm good on that. And I was like, yeah, alright. And then, and then he came into my, uh, office later and he was like, actually, it reminds me of, uh, Canteen Boy. I think that would be good. And then we did a table and it ate shit.

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  Damn, that table was a nightmare.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  I was so nervous, you know?

• 18:44Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  And then also, what was so bad is like how I was socially, because I was so, I felt so scared all the time that I couldn't even talk to people either. So like, then my, it just.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  And look how far you've come.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Come, yeah. I'm slightly better, right?

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, you're better.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  I'm freaking out a little less.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  You are freaking out a little less. It's just, literally the other day, I went to your house and you were at the three stories up and I walked through the door and you go, Jordan? And I was like, yeah. And you go, I'm scared. And I was like, why? And you go, just everything, just everything is scary. And I was like, alright, I'm, I'll be up, I'm coming up.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  But it's definitely made everything seem a little easier. SNL was like just the scariest. The stakes are so high.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  You started up in the ga-.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  You lost your virginity to a supermodel.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:30Sam Morril?

  So now you're just not scared, really.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I mean, you couldn't get it hard, so it was a short virginity, but.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  I couldn't get hard and I came too quick.

• 19:38Sam Morril?

  It's a weird combo, but somehow it happened.

• 19:40Mark Normand?

  In front of Ryan Gosling.

• 19:43Sam Morril?

  But that's crazy. That's a crazy life experience.

• 19:46Mark Normand?

  Crazy run.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Oh, it was, yeah, it was insane. And then it forced me, because of SNL, I was able to headline.

• 19:53Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Because I wasn't on the show for very long, the gigs are so bad. And so.

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  And you had no act.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  I've been doing, and I had no acts at the time.

• 20:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  But then it forced me to get good at doing really bad shows. So then I figured with this special, I was like, what if I just shoot my special at these bad shows? Because I think I'm better at bad shows than good shows.

• 20:13Mark Normand?

  Great call.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  So I was like, let's just bring a crew, let's bring more crew members than there are audience to these shows.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  It's also cool because you can like, as a comic, like, show this, show his movie to your family and be like, this is what.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  You think I'm Hollywood, dude. This is what I experienced. The like hotel, the fucking dreariness of it, the weird club booker that wants to talk too long.

• 20:36Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Like all of the.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  The sad payout, the sharing the hotel room with my opener.

• 20:41Sam Morril?

  Don't tell me you put the payout in the special.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, good for you. Good for you. That's what we want to see.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, Jesus on the cross.

• 20:48Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. See, this is funny because every uncle and aunt's like, why don't you do SNL? Why don't you do SNL? I'm like, look at him. I get to show them your sad documentary. And be like, this is why I didn't do SNL, you crazy cunt.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Doing a one nighter off the hook and they don't put your name or key.

• 21:05Mark Normand?

  The hook.

• 21:06Sam Morril?

  That's, that's been a big staple in my standup is Naples, Florida, so, yeah.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  We have the opposite, me and Sam have directly opposite things that we like. All the clubs he likes, I despise.

• 21:15Sam Morril?

  What do you, wait, give, tell me some.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  I hate Tampa, I hate side splitters.

• 21:19Sam Morril?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa. You take that disrespect out of this podcast.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  I hate it.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  I've never done it. I've done the one in St. Pete, the coastal one.

• 21:29Sam Morril?

  Side splitters is a classic.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  It's, I, every time I do it, I leave bummed out. The, yeah, the couples, the lifestyle, the weird people that are trapped there, they can't.

• 21:39Sam Morril?

  I taped my last special in Tampa.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  Really? Yeah.

• 21:41Sam Morril?

  Tampa theater, baby.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  But this is what I'm saying.

• 21:43Sam Morril?

  So what do you like? Give me one that you love.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Um, I like weird stuff. I like, um, what's the, what's the one that's outside of Chicago? The Vault.

• 21:51Mark Normand?

  Schaumburg? Oh.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Oh, The Vault.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  I love The Vault.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  I love The Vault.

• 21:54Mark Normand?

  I heard it's good. I've never even heard of The Vault.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  That's in the special, The Vault.

• 21:57Speaker 03

  The Vault's great.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  That was my last date. That was my last.

• 22:00Sam Morril?

  What, yeah, do you show some of the highs or is it strictly lows? What, what are we looking at?

• 22:04Speaker 02

  I mean, it's just the tour that Stu booked for me. So, you know.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  Stu.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  So one of them is the Kenosha Comedy Club, which is inside of a Wyndham Garden.

• 22:13Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. Freako.

• 22:15Sam Morril?

  I'm playing the garden.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. I did Helium in Philly, which was a good one.

• 22:19Mark Normand?

  That's a great club.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  It's a good room, but it was also half filled.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  I don't like it.

• 22:22Mark Normand?

  Really? What? That's a great club.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  I know. I don't like it that much. Do you guys like Helium Buffalo?

• 22:28Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  I've done that.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  I hate it.

• 22:31Sam Morril?

  Buffalo's, Buffalo's a good crowd.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  I like, a theater in Buffalo is the most fun I've ever had. The Helium, I don't.

• 22:37Sam Morril?

  I did a theater that once was good.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  I like a lot of the Heliums, though. I like, um, one of my favorites is Addison Improv. Love that one.

• 22:44Mark Normand?

  I like Addison. That's a great club. Great club.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  Um, what is, name another improv?

• 22:50Mark Normand?

  What about like Philly, I mean, a Sinco Punchline?

• 22:53Speaker 03

  Great.

• 22:54Mark Normand?

  Great, okay.

• 22:54Sam Morril?

  Some of these are like, obvious.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, like Comedy Works, amazing. Madison, great.

• 22:59Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay, just checking.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  But what's a weird one? No, Comedy Attic, I, I'm so happy that place.

• 23:06Sam Morril?

  Didn't he, didn't he get in trouble?

• 23:07Speaker 02

  I haven't been back, I haven't been back in forever because that guy Jared.

• 23:09Speaker 03

  I fucking hate that guy.

• 23:10Mark Normand?

  I'm with you on that. That club's way overrated.

• 23:12Sam Morril?

  Bloomington, Indiana, yeah, he was, uh, I don't love when a guy is in the green room controlling the remote.

• 23:18Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 23:19Sam Morril?

  I thought it was a lot.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  I, I don't like him, but I liked the room.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  Too woke, way too woke.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  He hasn't, he hasn't had me back.

• 23:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that room stinks.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  He's done.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Oh, he's done? He's not there? Well, then maybe I could go back.

• 23:30Sam Morril?

  It was ultra fucking, you know, I wasn't gonna say that, but. We can't even agree on words. Uh, no, but I, I, there's people who are like crusaders and act like white knights and then you're like, oh, you're that fucking creep.

• 23:43Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 23:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:45Mark Normand?

  I remember Rachel would be texting me like, this guy's weird, right? I'm like, yeah. She's like, I'm in the green room with him right now. He won't leave. I'm like, that's gonna be the whole weekend. Buckle up.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  The booker wants to be a con. Before I got there. And like, I walked in and Jake was like, because we were late because of me, obviously. And then he like flipped out at Jake. He was like, you don't get a book and I'm like that. And then I had to flip out at him and I was like, you don't get to fucking freak.

• 24:05Mark Normand?

  Good for you.

• 24:06Sam Morril?

  I abuse my opener. No one else.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  I was like, we're late because of fucking me, you idiot. And he was like, ah, ah.

• 24:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:14Sam Morril?

  So how many cities did you hit on this tour, John?

• 24:16Speaker 02

  Twenty-four shows total. Um.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  Eugene's the best club. Eugene is great.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Oh, I did this, uh, I did this room.

• 24:24Sam Morril?

  Tell him the best riff on Eugene, Oregon. He goes, Eugene, or as I call it, the town that makeup forgot.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's so good.

• 24:32Sam Morril?

  I lost it.

• 24:34Mark Normand?

  Good times. Now let me ask you this, just to change gears. If you, you're cooking right now. If you got SNL, you got people doing you.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no.

• 24:41Mark Normand?

  If you got SNL tomorrow, you wouldn't take it as a cast member. Full silver platter, bunch of money, cast member guaranteed a year, no dice.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  I really like improv and acting and stuff, so that would be tempting, but I don't, I, the hours and stuff, it wouldn't, I wouldn't.

• 25:00Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 25:00Sam Morril?

  I feel the same way, dude.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  It's a job.

• 25:01Sam Morril?

  I, and like, I, look, I have reverence for SNL just being a New Yorker and, and I understand like it's such a cool thing, but, I mean, you, you had a horrible experience there.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  I had a horrible experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything and it was my dream, you know? I'm so glad I got to do it.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  My dream is to host it, but to be honest.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  At this point, that would be the dream.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  Mad TV would be my dream. In Living Color would have been my dream, but SNL.

• 25:21Sam Morril?

  You an average Asian with Bobby Lee?

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:23Sam Morril?

  Now we're talking.

• 25:23Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  But SNL, it's too, it's a job. And I also have like the anti-authority thing, so I know that it'd be like, I'd be thrown in here.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  I actually think that benefits the people there. Like, when I was there, like Leslie or Pete, they were kind of like, fuck this place. And that kind of helped them, you know?

• 25:38Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Whereas like, if you're like, oh, Lauren, uh, is it okay if I, then they're like, get this guy out of here.

• 25:43Sam Morril?

  Fear is bad.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  Fear is bad.

• 25:45Mark Normand?

  Agreed.

• 25:45Speaker 03

  What are the hours realistically?

• 25:46Speaker 02

  Couldn't have been more fearful.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  Uh, the hours are just kind of insane. I mean, Monday you go there and pitch, Tuesday you're writing all night, Wednesday's the table read.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  No, I got a daughter to take care, I couldn't do it.

• 25:58Mark Normand?

  It does have a different vibe. It used to feel kind of counterculture-y and fun and like, we're staying up late, we're being bad. And now it kind of feels like, you better stay in line.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's no cocaine there.

• 26:07Mark Normand?

  Exactly. It's, it's lost its edge.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  I was just kind of secretly taking Adderall, which probably made me, definitely made me even more nervous.

• 26:13Sam Morril?

  And that's so you know it's bad. It's like when you're taking drugs to benefit the show now.

• 26:17Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 26:18Sam Morril?

  It's like, it's like, you should be taking drugs that makes, make it a mess. I don't know.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  I will say if they were like, okay, SNL new cast, we're grabbing people, we're grabbing, you know, Mikey Roland, John, Jordan, go. I would do it if I had a crew.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  A crew.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  But I'm not going in.

• 26:32Sam Morril?

  But the clicky shit is like real. That's what you hear and it's like.

• 26:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:35Speaker 03

  But the clicky shit is like, that's what we grew up on. The like Adam Sandler, like the boys, like, yeah. That's what I would do, but I'm not gonna go in.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  I was like a freshman among seniors. I was like, I was the only new guy and everyone else had been there like eight years.

• 26:47Sam Morril?

  Were people nice to you or was it just?

• 26:49Speaker 02

  The cast was nice.

• 26:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:51Mark Normand?

  That's cool.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  The cast was for the most part nice, you know?

• 26:53Mark Normand?

  The writers, though, a bunch of cunts.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  It sounds like it's so oppressive that they have to, you guys have to band together. It's like a Marxist thing.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  Well, I remember reading the book, Jay Moore's book, and he said, Chris Farley, that new guy came in and he put a desk on the, or book on the desk, and Chris Farley said, watch this, jerked off, jizzed in the book, closed it, just so the guy would find it later. And I'm like, that's the SNL I want.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:18Mark Normand?

  I want somebody to jizz in my book, but those days are over. You could never do that now.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  That's your takeaway.

• 27:24Sam Morril?

  Sally, she's just taking notes back there. He's like, jack off and mark's belongings.

• 27:27Mark Normand?

  When I read that, I was like, that's hilarious. That's what you do to the new guy. Ha, ha.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:32Mark Normand?

  And you could never do that now. You'd be arrested.

• 27:34Sam Morril?

  I think Harvey Weinstein did the same thing to people.

• 27:36Mark Normand?

  No, he didn't jizz in a book. That's too funny.

• 27:38Sam Morril?

  In a plant.

• 27:39Mark Normand?

  Out of plant.

• 27:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  That was out of necessity, though.

• 27:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:43Sam Morril?

  He had to throw it somewhere.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:46Mark Normand?

  Jizz in my book. That's what I say. That's gonna be the name of my book. Jizz in this.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  And then you can't get it open.

• 27:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:54Sam Morril?

  Do you have any memories of, uh, other hosts who were like, that you, that you did connect with or is it mostly just kind of like?

• 28:01Speaker 02

  People just kind of going in and out. Uh, Miley hosted the first week and that actually went great.

• 28:05Mark Normand?

  Who's Miley?

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Miley Cyrus.

• 28:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, I don't know the first name basis.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  It's like Hilary Duff. Can you believe her first name's just Hillary?

• 28:11Mark Normand?

  Isn't that weird? Underrated hot lady, by the way. Hilary Duff is, uh, very attractive.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  She's a babe.

• 28:16Sam Morril?

  I feel like she's rated.

• 28:17Mark Normand?

  I don't hear about Hillary. I hear all Sweeney, Sweeney. I, I want more Hillary.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  Let's get Hillary Duff.

• 28:23Mark Normand?

  The younger ones preferably.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Okay, well.

• 28:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Little Nick Jr.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:30Mark Normand?

  Sounds racist for some reason. Oh, I'm just joking.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Heard about you with the kids.

• 28:34Mark Normand?

  I know, but no, later, later. She's, uh, underrated.

• 28:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's very young.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  No, she got some.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  He was joking, Sally. He was like, what the fuck?

• 28:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, come on, come on out here, you creepo.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  Whoa, you saved it. Why'd you save it?

• 28:45Mark Normand?

  Right to the desktop.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  Keep that for later.

• 28:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's.

• 28:49Sam Morril?

  Dragged it to his Hillary Duff file.

• 28:50Mark Normand?

  You got your own files.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  No, get her tits out of here.

• 28:55Mark Normand?

  Give me now, you.

• 28:56Sam Morril?

  Now, okay, hold on.

• 28:57Mark Normand?

  Now. All right. Oh, look at that one right there. Top left.

• 29:02Sam Morril?

  There you go.

• 29:02Mark Normand?

  Ah, you're killing me. Worst Google bitch on, in the business.

• 29:06Speaker 03

  Unbelievable, honestly.

• 29:08Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 29:09Mark Normand?

  Scroll down. Hey, look at the rump on Duffy.

• 29:12Sam Morril?

  That is a rump.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  She's become like a workout queen.

• 29:14Mark Normand?

  Great.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:15Mark Normand?

  Two kids, I believe.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, one's John.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  I can't believe Hillary Duff was looking good. She's still looking good.

• 29:26Mark Normand?

  You didn't know this?

• 29:27Sam Morril?

  Did you meet any?

• 29:28Speaker 02

  I haven't seen Hillary Duff. I forgot about Hillary Duff.

• 29:30Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying. She needs to get back out there.

• 29:32Sam Morril?

  Did you have any crushes that you met at SNL?

• 29:34Mark Normand?

  Woo wee.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  Um, there was no, no, nothing at work. It was more just going on Raya dates. It's stupid. And honestly, like, going on dates with, like, girls from high school.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  I was like, maybe now she'll like me. That's a good feeling. Like, I was still 25, so I was like, it was still that.

• 29:52Mark Normand?

  It's a good move.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Maybe I should have tried asking Miley Cyrus out. Not that that would have worked, but I was more concerned with, like, a girl from Hebrew school. I still

• 29:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  I was wondering if she liked me now, maybe.

• 30:00Sam Morril?

  You had to close, you had to get the closure.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 30:04Mark Normand?

  Have you heard that Jimmy Kimmel theory about the crossing? It's like, hey, I couldn't bang Morgan Fairchild in 1988, but now I'm on TV and she's getting old. So now I could fuck Morgan Fairchild and she'd be happy about it. It's a, it's like a weird little axis.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:22Mark Normand?

  His theory.

• 30:23Speaker 03

  I just, I just hung out with, like, the ex that, like, broke my heart the most yesterday, two days ago, and his wife. That was the most intense experience.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, why? Do tell.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  Because it was like my college, like, the one that got away. I was, like, obsessed with him. And he, he broke up with me for this girl and ended up marrying her. And now she's like a fan.

• 30:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God. You won.

• 30:45Sam Morril?

  Is it winning?

• 30:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  No, I'll tell you why it's not winning. Because we met up.

• 30:49Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 30:50Speaker 03

  And because I, because he's the best. He really is the best. He's so funny.

• 30:54Mark Normand?

  Still in love with him.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  And we, no. And, um, we met up and, uh, she was like so nice and sweet. And I was like just blabbing and being like, because I'm like trying, I have six years of not telling him stuff. So I'm like, and then I did this, and then also I have this. And I'm like, this is my dog. She got these tracks. Like, I'm like being so needy.

• 31:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  And they're just holding hands, walking. And at one point, she takes out sunscreen and like puts it on his receding spots. And it was so tender. And I was like, come on, you guys. Like, I was this, like, little rat. Like, I was like.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  And this is the clip I posted yesterday.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I was like, I'm never gonna be this sweet wife. I'm just gonna be this, like, performer who's like, watch this. And you know what I mean?

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  It was brutal.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  In your mind before that, did you ever, like, kind of fantasize that he must be watching you and be like, I could be with her?

• 31:42Mark Normand?

  And threesome vibes.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  Never watch.

• 31:45Mark Normand?

  There's gotta be a threesome in the air.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  I could never do that. It would break my heart.

• 31:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're rooting for them now.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  Now I'm rooting for them, yeah.

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  And she was so sweet. I ended up being like, fuck this guy, and talking to her the whole time.

• 31:56Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  And then at the end, I was like, oh, my God. And I was like, my, the real thing that fucked me up is I was like, I was so far off of thinking that I could marry this guy. Like, I'm not even close to this guy.

• 32:07Sam Morril?

  You did get closure in a weird way, then.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it was like, I'm destined to wander the earth alone.

• 32:11Mark Normand?

  No. I gotta tell you, I saw a young female comic tell the same story.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  God damn it.

• 32:18Sam Morril?

  She threw one of these at the end.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  But, yeah, it was so intense. It was crazy. And I woke up at 4:00 AM today just thinking about all the things I said and how I just, like, was just, like, showing off and being like, it was crazy.

• 32:32Mark Normand?

  Well, that's a, that's a nervous energy.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  It was a nervous energy.

• 32:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I get it.

• 32:35Speaker 03

  And they were just so calmly holding hands, walking to the park, being like, that's really great, Jordan. It was, huh?

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Maybe they didn't have much to share with you either.

• 32:44Mark Normand?

  They're not interesting.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  They're just like, oh, they're just like, yeah, life's nice, you know?

• 32:47Speaker 03

  They were interested, but it was like, it was, yeah, it was like a frenetic spectacle.

• 32:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  You know?

• 32:53Mark Normand?

  I can't believe you met up with them. That's crazy.

• 32:55Sam Morril?

  How, how long ago do you think you got over him?

• 32:58Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Tomorrow.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  No, I probably got over him, I mean, real, probably, like, fully, probably like four years ago.

• 33:07Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:07Sam Morril?

  And had you talked to him since or no?

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like, I, I'll talk to him sporadically about boy stuff. Like, I'll be like, I have to fix his car part. You know what I mean? Because I always thought that was the key to his heart, was to be his little bro.

• 33:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:19Speaker 03

  But it's not the key. The key is to give him sunscreen and hold his hand nice. And I just don't do that stuff.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Right.

• 33:24Mark Normand?

  Well, here's the question. Did the girl look like you?

• 33:26Speaker 03

  Dude, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life.

• 33:29Sam Morril?

  So, no.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  No, I walked right into that. I opened the door and I slammed it in my own, on my own hand.

• 33:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  No, she's like, she's like tall and super skinny. She looks like anime character if she was white. Like, she's so hot.

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  She's so beautiful. Like, when they got together in college, I was like laughing hysterically because I was like, I can't compete with that girl. It was like, a new freshman came in and everybody was talking about how hot she was. And they were like, also, he's dating her. And I was like, yep, totally.

• 33:59Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  But she's not funny. I bet she's not funny.

• 34:01Mark Normand?

  She's not funny.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  And that's what matters.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  It doesn't matter to people.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Well, that is ours. It's what we have. It's what we have.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  It matters to women. We, we will fuck a fat, hideous man if they're funny. But you guys want sweet, sweet, calm, sweet, calm.

• 34:17Mark Normand?

  Visually stimulated.

• 34:18Sam Morril?

  I've dated comics.

• 34:20Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 34:20Sam Morril?

  Funny's important, I think.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  It's, it's important, but it's like, I think about it as like a gas station. You, it's not, it's not sustainable. You just stop in, you fuel up, you leave. It's not, funny people are not sustainable.

• 34:31Mark Normand?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  Because they're also crazy.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  Right.

• 34:34Sam Morril?

  I don't, I don't, I don't agree with that. But, yeah, but the crazy can be an issue for sure.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  I mean, I, it was like me, you, Lynn Koplets, all going up on stage one after the other. And it was Lynn being like, I'm on the dating apps. And then I was like, I'm in a tumultuous relationship. And then you were like, I'm on the apps. And I was like, oh, we're all fucked.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  I do, but that is the most comforting thing about being at the cellar or wherever. I'm like, oh, we're all fucked in the same way. That's so nice.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  Everybody.

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Here I'm out with all, regular people all day just that, that guy seems like he's got to figure it out.

• 35:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Nick Griffin goes up and is like, I got divorced with a couch.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  We're all the same.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  I divorced a couch.

• 35:09Mark Normand?

  Ah, man, he's funny. He does, yeah.

• 35:12Speaker 03

  Um, but, yeah, every single person who goes up is like going through, it's crazy.

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  But here's the thing. You say they're all put together. They're not. They're hiding it. At least we come out with it. They're all full of shit.

• 35:22Sam Morril?

  He just nailed it. Because think about it. What's everyone posting on Instagram? The highlights? What are we doing on stage? The lowlights? That's what people relate to.

• 35:29Mark Normand?

  And that's why they show up. They wanna go, all right, I've been there.

• 35:31Sam Morril?

  You're like, here's, here's what's fucked up in my life. That's, you don't post it on Instagram.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  You're right, you're right.

• 35:37Mark Normand?

  Come on. J-Lo has been, been with Ben Affleck 17 times, and she's got two weird kids. They're all, all these people are fucked up.

• 35:43Sam Morril?

  I don't know where that came from.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm just saying, like, a celebrity who's rich and beautiful is still going to go.

• 35:48Sam Morril?

  Right, I got you, I got you.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think more like the, you know, a couple of, a couple of items.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  But I think the normal people who aren't celebrities, who aren't in the limelight, are happier than us.

• 36:01Mark Normand?

  Pro, for sure, for sure.

• 36:02Speaker 02

  Like, my friends from high school who are married, I think they're happy. I think most of them are like way happier. They're like, you're doing what? You went to bed at what time?

• 36:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  I'm like, but I really like it. And I feel insane.

• 36:13Sam Morril?

  You're not gonna get it from this. Like, you can get fulfillment from your career, but you're not gonna get happiness from it. It's, they're different.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:19Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 36:20Sam Morril?

  You can, you can, like, I leave stand-up, if I put all my self-worth in a set, I'm fucked. And I do it sometimes. I'm guilty of it.

• 36:27Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 36:27Sam Morril?

  But if I'm just like, all right, let me focus on the positive of this set and let me have something else. But then if you have something else, then that is a good way to look at it. It feeds the stand-up.

• 36:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:36Sam Morril?

  If you have something else to talk about, like, Chris Rock would always say, like, there's a funny reason to have kids, but like, he'd be like, you gotta have kids because your audience is having kids. And they'll give you shit to talk about.

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, boy does it.

• 36:48Speaker 03

  On Raya.

• 36:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah?

• 36:50Mark Normand?

  Now he is.

• 36:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but he had kids and he was married.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:53Mark Normand?

  And he likes those kids.

• 36:54Speaker 04

  Have you guys noticed everyone in your age is starting to get divorced now?

• 36:57Mark Normand?

  I was just thinking about that.

• 36:58Sam Morril?

  You better believe I've noticed.

• 37:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, everybody's getting divorced.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  How old are you guys, though?

• 37:02Sam Morril?

  Thirty-nine.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're, we're thirty-five-ish.

• 37:06Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Thirty-six.

• 37:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:07Mark Normand?

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• 37:24Sam Morril?

  I love them. I'm, I'm wearing them all the time.

• 37:27Mark Normand?

  The best. They feel great. They look great. Um, that's why I love shopping at Fabletics. They have great layering pieces that work now and well into fall. When I signed up as a VIP, I got 80% off everything, which made it easy to stock up on workout shirts, shorts, joggers, hoodies, and everyday staples. The quality really impressed me. Everything feels lightweight, comfortable, and built to last. Whenever I'm working out, traveling, running errands, or hanging out, it's easy to throw on a hoodie or a lightweight jacket. Big fan. Uh, it's all I wear around the house. I got long pants, nice shorts, bathing suits. The T-shirts are great. I'm wearing one right now. They're stretchy and fit like a glove. I'm just a huge fan. I wear the hoodies all over. My wife wears them.

• 38:10Mark Normand?

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• 38:58Mark Normand?

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• 39:41Mark Normand?

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• 40:11Sam Morril?

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• 41:39Sam Morril?

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• 42:19Speaker 03

  I don't have divorce yet. You have divorce now?

• 42:21Mark Normand?

  What do you mean, "do I have divorce now"?

• 42:22Speaker 03

  In your age group?

• 42:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  Really?

• 42:25Mark Normand?

  Well, people know. Segura just got divorced, and one of our mutual friends... Oop, cut that.

• 42:31Sam Morril?

  Is that allowed to say?

• 42:32Mark Normand?

  She's getting out of divorce.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  She's getting divorced.

• 42:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we'll bleep her name.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  Andy and Rosebud.

• 42:36Mark Normand?

  Andy and Rosebud. A friend of mine, Raj, is breaking up with his lady. We just mentioned him. Like, something's in the air. Everybody's breaking up.

• 42:43Sam Morril?

  And he did it in your cadence, which I found to be a little weird, but...

• 42:45Speaker 03

  I don't wanna do it.

• 42:46Sam Morril?

  You're gonna kill me! Oh, God!

• 42:49Speaker 03

  I'm outta here!

• 42:49Sam Morril?

  She serves her with the papers. Comedy!

• 42:52Mark Normand?

  Divorce! Separation! But yeah, it's, it's, something's going on, so watch out, everybody. So that couple you met with, they're on the outs, and you better slide right in there, sister.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Full Kramer?

• 43:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Full inward.

• 43:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I do, I, you got closure, I think. I think you saw, like, it's a good thing that you see that that's not right for you. And you'll find, I mean, are you dating someone or no?

• 43:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's a stop-and-go.

• 43:21Sam Morril?

  It's erratic.

• 43:22Mark Normand?

  Man, you and that guy, you guys have the... You're J-Lo and Ben Hamlin.

• 43:26Sam Morril?

  This is a different guy, though, I think, right?

• 43:27Mark Normand?

  Same guy.

• 43:28Sam Morril?

  Same guy?

• 43:28Speaker 03

  I did break up with that, I did go on a long stint with a different guy.

• 43:31Mark Normand?

  And then she's like, "Do you see, and this guy?"

• 43:34Speaker 03

  Oh, he's my best friend! He's so funny! Funniest guy I've ever met.

• 43:37Sam Morril?

  But why can't it work, then?

• 43:38Speaker 03

  Oh, just, we just, because we just, we both...

• 43:42Sam Morril?

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• 44:03Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 44:04Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 44:07Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 44:07Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at $60. That's wild. They also have premium-down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50% to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor. Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably, ethical?

• 44:34Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 44:35Sam Morril?

  I, I wear this shit all the time.

• 44:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 44:37Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. It's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I love it. And I like what, like, when it's not the logo everywhere on...

• 44:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 44:46Sam Morril?

  It's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was "We Might Be Drunk." It's the best way to support the show. Quince!

• 45:06Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  You know when you get in a conflict and you don't hit the big red button of like, "Well, let's break up"?

• 45:11Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  We just fucking hit it every time.

• 45:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, got it.

• 45:14Sam Morril?

  You just fight?

• 45:15Speaker 03

  We just hit the button. We just go, "I guess we should break up," every time. There's no, like...

• 45:18Sam Morril?

  Have you ever tried the "working through it" scenario, or no?

• 45:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, totally, but it all, it leads back to the hitting the button thing. It's just like a real, like, because I, I think I'm like avoidant secretly, because I just stay, you know what I mean? Because I stay with somebody who isn't down. And when I am in a stable relationship, I sabotage it. And he isn't avoidant, so I think both of us are like any sort of normalcy. We both freak out about it.

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  Right, I know the whole, I know that feeling so well. I needed a wife who was like, "Hey, hey, what are you doing? Stop going away. Come back, come back." And at first, I was like, "Whoa, whoa, stop telling me to come back." And now I'm like, "Thank God she asked me to come back."

• 45:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, but how'd you stop going, "Whoa, whoa"?

• 45:55Mark Normand?

  I had to go to a lot of therapy. I had to work on myself. I had to have some rock bottoms. You know, I've been through a...

• 46:01Speaker 02

  I feel like you did it enough, too.

• 46:03Mark Normand?

  And you did it enough, yeah.

• 46:05Sam Morril?

  You still going on the same date? That's a problem.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was still that. Or I was also just like chasing the avoidant girl for so long. I was like, "Oh, I'm actually, I'm good."

• 46:14Sam Morril?

  Because it's exciting.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  I've gotten the shit kicked out of me. I'm good.

• 46:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:17Mark Normand?

  It is, and it's, it is an adventure. Every date, you're like, "What could happen?"

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, does she still like me?

• 46:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  This is fun.

• 46:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Sam Morril?

  I've noticed the, the less healthy the relationship, the more quickly you say "I love you."

• 46:28Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 46:29Speaker 02

  That is really spot-on.

• 46:31Mark Normand?

  Heavy.

• 46:32Sam Morril?

  I've said it so early, and then I'm like, "Oh, this woman's gonna kill me."

• 46:35Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 46:35Sam Morril?

  But, but then if you wait a while, you're like, "Let me really fucking earn this. Let me figure this out."

• 46:40Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:41Sam Morril?

  But yeah, if it's unhinged, the emotions are just fucking like daggers, man.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  I was with a guy who I thought was gonna kill me, and he's gonna watch this podcast and see this and threaten to kill me. But, and I said "I love you" so fast, because I was just like, "That'll ease everything down."

• 46:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  So, yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  I was thinking that'll hold him, that'll hold on to something I can take out. It's like, but then you use that, that you're like, "That's all I have." Have you seen me do this dance?

• 47:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:02Mark Normand?

  Some people do that with marriage. Some people do that with marriage and kids. They're like, "Fuck, I love you. Let's get married. Let's have a kid." And then, you know, 2 years in, they're like, "What the hell have I done?" At least "I love you" isn't any kind of contract. You know, it's still bad to say too early, but you're not locked in to anything.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  No, I definitely said, "Uh, let's have a baby," till...

• 47:20Mark Normand?

  I've said that.

• 47:20Sam Morril?

  During sex.

• 47:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, we should definitely have a baby.

• 47:23Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna dump a load on you. Let's do this.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  I know, I'm getting to the age where I'm getting that grip.

• 47:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  You know what?

• 47:29Mark Normand?

  Keegel?

• 47:31Speaker 03

  Like, my legs start being like, "You're not pulling out." And then I have to force myself off. I have to be like, "All right!"

• 47:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 47:38Speaker 03

  It's getting, my body's being like...

• 47:40Sam Morril?

  That's rape against men. We're like, "No! Stop it!"

• 47:43Mark Normand?

  You're like an NBA whore. Those NBA chicks, they wait and they just scoop up the jizz. That's what they do out there. They, they poach the... Oh, these NBA ladies, they, they walk around, they go to NBA games, and then they try to bang, uh...

• 47:56Sam Morril?

  I pictured like someone hiding behind a curtain in a hotel room, and she just runs by and grabs it.

• 48:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, that's the thing.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  I was picturing a woman playing basketball and running up to like a person. What are you talking...

• 48:04Mark Normand?

  I'm talking to the women, the hot, the hot ladies who go to NBA games, and they go, "Hey, uh... whatever that guy's name is."

• 48:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they try to get their, have their baby.

• 48:12Mark Normand?

  Then they bang the guy, and the guy's like, "Oh, I better pull out." And they go, "No!"

• 48:16Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a thing.

• 48:18Speaker 03

  But there is a bodily thing you have to resist as a woman. There is like a, almost like, like a praying mantis when it holds the, whips the mate's head off.

• 48:25Mark Normand?

  This is terrifying.

• 48:26Speaker 03

  So that it comes harder.

• 48:27Sam Morril?

  Well, you run out of taboo shit to say during sex, so it's like, you can only say someone's shit before you're like, "What's the worst thing I could do right now? Impregnate someone I have nothing in common with?" Let's fucking do it.

• 48:37Mark Normand?

  Anyone else hard? That is hot.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  So hot.

• 48:40Sam Morril?

  It's so hot to ruin your life? Oh, my God.

• 48:42Mark Normand?

  Well, chaos is sexy.

• 48:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, and as comedians, we're addicted to chaos.

• 48:46Mark Normand?

  100%. 100%.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, I need it.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  And that's why I think, like, we get all this validation on stage, so like romantically, it's like, "I want the most difficult audience member." Like, whose love is the hardest to achieve?

• 48:59Mark Normand?

  You ever have the thing where you're, back when I was dating, I would have a thing where I could tell the girl was not that interested, so she'd be like, "Ah, maybe I won't see you again." And I'm like, "I gotta win her back." Even though I don't even like her. But I'm like busting my ass to win her back, even though I just wanna win the girl back. I don't actually wanna date her.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:14Mark Normand?

  And then she's like, "All right, I'm in." And you're like, "Ah, I'm done here."

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Yep, yep.

• 49:18Mark Normand?

  It's a really sick, twisted mindset.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  It's sick.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  It's also nice, because then you don't care, if you have somebody who's like pulling away, you don't care about what you're, you can really be free on stage, because you don't really give a fuck what they think. You just care about what this one person who's rejecting you thinks.

• 49:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you definitely, you, if it's someone you care about, you're like, "Is this gonna hurt them? Let me figure a way out."

• 49:39Speaker 03

  Or like, or just on stage, like, I'll say crazy shit, and people are like, "Aren't you worried about what they think?" And I'm like, "No, I'm worried about what this guy is about to text me. I'm not gonna care about it. I don't care what they fucking think."

• 49:48Mark Normand?

  That's healthy.

• 49:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:49Mark Normand?

  Well, that's not healthy, but it's good for comedy.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's good for comedy. Yeah, which is unhealthy.

• 49:53Mark Normand?

  Are you sure?

• 49:55Mark Normand?

  Bill Burr said he didn't get good at comedy till he stopped giving a fuck. You know, if you go up there going, "I hope every word works," and they like everything, you're gonna be in your head, you're not gonna go anywhere.

• 50:04Sam Morril?

  It's not like apathy, not giving a fuck. It's like, you still kinda care.

• 50:07Mark Normand?

  Of course. You wanna do well, but you gotta like, pull back on...

• 50:11Speaker 03

  It's like, I don't matter, giving a fuck. It's like existential.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  Not wanting to be judged for how you behave.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 50:17Mark Normand?

  We've all gone to those sets, like an audition, or like a late night thing, where you're like, "I need every line to work, or I'm gonna fucking kill myself," and then you're stiff and weird, and you're not you.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:28Sam Morril?

  And also, how many times have you had a thing with someone where like, the second you take your foot off the gas, the texts start rolling in? It's like, "Oh, I cared too much earlier, and now they feel that I'm pulling back," and you know it's unhealthy, but that, this is...

• 50:40Mark Normand?

  It's a crazy game.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  That's just like, all of it. That's like, eternal. It's so weird. I think I know one couple who doesn't have the push-pull dynamic.

• 50:48Sam Morril?

  The one you hung out with yesterday. They're perfect.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  They're perfect. No! He had to chase her ass for a long time. I remember, because he cried to me about it, and it made me cry. Because I'd be like, "Wow, you're bummed out about this girl, and I'm bummed out about you." But he had to chase her ass.

• 51:01Mark Normand?

  That's the weird thing about women. And maybe you can help shed some light on this. You're almost a lady.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  I'll shed.

• 51:06Mark Normand?

  You know, like, uh, you always hear these girls like, "Oh, I turned him down seventeen times, he kept coming back, and then I realized, you know what? I love ya." And you're like, "What?" He broke me down. You always hear women like, "Yeah, I kept saying no, but he kept coming back, and then eventually we got married."

• 51:21Sam Morril?

  Is it a test? What is it?

• 51:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what is that?

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Harassment.

• 51:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it feels like a... Why is that not harassment?

• 51:27Sam Morril?

  I stalked her, and then she caved.

• 51:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah. If it works out, it's romantic. If it doesn't work out, he's a psycho.

• 51:32Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  That, what's happening there is, so there's somebody pursuing them constantly, and then this woman is like, "I don't wanna be with this person," and then she goes out and has some gnarly experiences, some whack dates, or some rejecting guys.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  And then she does a lot of like, Instagram therapy stuff, that's basically like, "Choose love, don't choose the avoidance of it." They go for the...

• 51:52Mark Normand?

  All the quotes.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  That's what happens.

• 51:53Mark Normand?

  I got it, got it. Yeah.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  And then they go, "I should choose the guy who chooses me," and then they just have to use lube every time they have sex, because they're not really aroused by that guy.

• 52:03Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 52:04Sam Morril?

  Damn. That had a sad ending. That was going somewhere, and then the lube part was kind of a bummer.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Scoop up the jizz.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. That's what happens. And then they cheat at some point.

• 52:14Sam Morril?

  Oh, fuck, alright. This is getting worse and worse.

• 52:16Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  You can't, if you wear a woman down, yeah, it doesn't. I don't think that...

• 52:19Sam Morril?

  Jordan's cynical today, though. I think, you know...

• 52:22Mark Normand?

  Today?

• 52:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:23Sam Morril?

  I know, but I think, but you talk about this other relationship, like, in a different way. I think there's a guy you'll match with in a way that you're... Don't you think so?

• 52:31Speaker 02

  I keep telling you that.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't think it's wearing down.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:34Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 52:34Speaker 03

  I don't think wearing down ever works. I think it's like...

• 52:37Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  I think it's like buds, and then it becomes something.

• 52:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  But I don't think it's like, "I just kept dogging her until she..." And then, because all that, all that's happening is that woman is just like, settling eventually.

• 52:49Sam Morril?

  It's very old-fashioned, male versus female roles. They're like, they're pursuing the woman, they're chasing the woman. Yeah, it's like hunting.

• 52:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:55Sam Morril?

  You know, it's like, but it's, I don't feel like that's the modern way.

• 52:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:59Sam Morril?

  That you court, really. It's more like, "Oh, let's be together," two people.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  The modern way is, you're in a competition to see who can be the most like, self-sufficient to earn love. So everybody's trying to be self-sufficient so that somebody loves them, which is not self-sufficient. Like, every girl is like, "I'm an independent, I'm an independent woman, and I do Pilates there today, and I don't have time for sex. And I'm like, you're just doing that so that a guy will love you. You're just trying to be..."

• 53:24Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 53:24Speaker 03

  It's like, all pa... Not all women, but a lot of them are like, "I'm just, I just don't need men." And I'm like, "You're saying that so that this one guy you have your eye on will like you."

• 53:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy, it's great to hear that.

• 53:35Speaker 03

  We're bi...

• 53:36Mark Normand?

  I know, but I hear that all day. I'm like, "Do women even like men anymore? Like, what's going on here?"

• 53:40Speaker 03

  We're just trying to be composed so that some guy who wants a composed woman will be with us.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  Clip that. That needs to be out in the world, because enough with the man-women hate. It's going nowhere. It's ruining society.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  Women just want, like, to hang out with their friends, have a job that is fulfilling, and forehead kisses for the rest of their life. We can't live without forehead kisses. We die. We perish.

• 53:59Mark Normand?

  This is why we have you on the show. This is gold.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  This is good stuff.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  I kissed my girlfriend's forehead, you know, and she's like, she's like, "Oh my god."

• 54:07Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  She said, "Thank you."

• 54:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  I was like, "Who have you been with?"

• 54:10Speaker 03

  It's unbelievable.

• 54:11Sam Morril?

  I kissed her forehead, and she was furious. That's weird, but, you know.

• 54:15Sam Morril?

  No, I, yeah, I mean, I think a lot of that shit you see online that was just engagement baiting, like, you're just trying, you know that that negativity will, will cruise. You know that people love that.

• 54:25Mark Normand?

  But it's cruising, because other women are like, "Oh, I guess this is how I'm supposed to be," or "This is kinda how I feel," or "I hate this one guy, so now I hate all these guys." I think it's hitting for a reason.

• 54:35Speaker 03

  I don't think women need to hate men. I do think women need to get the, them, that they don't have to do like deceptive shit to get men, because men, you guys are very stupid, and you do want sex.

• 54:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  And we don't have to do much.

• 54:48Mark Normand?

  No.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  And then whenever we come at you, and we're like, we're like, "But we do all of this," you guys get freaked out. And you're like, "Well, I don't want you doing stuff for me, because I'm just a dumb guy, and you're putting me up on a pedestal."

• 54:58Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 54:58Speaker 03

  You just have to like, operate that men are stupid, they want wet hole, that's what they want.

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  And you just go do the things that you wanna do, and it'll be fine. But I don't like the self-deception that women don't want men to want them. They do, that's all we want.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  They do, they do, completely.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like, the biggest thing.

• 55:12Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 55:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:14Mark Normand?

  I agree. But you can't say that. If I say that, I'm an asshole.

• 55:18Sam Morril?

  Are you?

• 55:19Mark Normand?

  If I go, "Oh, you, you, you want men to like you, you want men to think you're hot," and then they go, "Fuck you, you don't know what I want." And I go, "Well, I'm looking at your tits on Instagram here."

• 55:28Sam Morril?

  I would leave the second part out.

• 55:31Mark Normand?

  I, I agree.

• 55:32Speaker 02

  The men are the same way. We're just, we just want women to like us, too, though.

• 55:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:36Sam Morril?

  But we're more simple, I think.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  Way more simple.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  By the way, I'm not even trying to be self-sufficient. I was never even self-sufficient. I was just like, trying to like, I hope I smell good.

• 55:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  But that's good. You're naturally self-sufficient, because you're a man.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  No, I'm not.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  But you're not...

• 55:49Speaker 02

  What do you mean? I asked you to put stuff up in my apartment.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true. That's true.

• 55:55Mark Normand?

  This is the new op-. This is great. This is Oscar and Felix over here.

• 55:59Speaker 03

  I can't believe you couldn't fix that shelf. That fucks me up, dude. It was just a peg. I was like, "John, just look at it for a minute, and just tell me what to do." And you're like, "I need screws or something?" I was like, "No."

• 56:08Speaker 02

  No, and then I did it. I did it. If I really just took the time.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  Yeah. I made you do it.

• 56:12Mark Normand?

  I do hate the argument, though, and you hear this a lot in comedy, like Dave Chappelle had that old bit about like, "Men drive nice cars, because women like nice cars." I'm like, "I don't know. Men do stand-up, because women like stand-up." I'm like, "No, I like stand-up, and I'm trying to pay the rent."

• 56:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:26Mark Normand?

  I never got that. Like, men do everything to get a woman. Like...

• 56:30Sam Morril?

  There are guys who do that. There are guys who are like...

• 56:32Mark Normand?

  You work out, maybe.

• 56:33Sam Morril?

  I think, I think you, yeah, you fall in love with what you fall in love with.

• 56:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:36Sam Morril?

  We love stand-up, and that's like, "Okay, well, if I love it, I'll work harder at it."

• 56:40Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 56:41Sam Morril?

  I have such bad ADD, like, stand-up's the only thing I can really focus on.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  I need to live.

• 56:45Mark Normand?

  Right. And I enjoy it. Do you think Seinfeld has a hundred thousand cars, because women like nice cars?

• 56:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's married. He's done trying to impress.

• 56:52Mark Normand?

  That's why I debunked that argument.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:55Sam Morril?

  But there are definitely dudes out there.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  What about when you were starting out, though, and you're on the road, and you're drinking and stuff, and there's a cute girl in the audience, or some bachelor, like, you think that there's an element of you wanting...

• 57:06Mark Normand?

  Of course, it helps. I'm not saying it doesn't help.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  Of like, performing kind of toward them, or like...

• 57:09Mark Normand?

  Sure, yeah, that's, that's a move, but I'm not, I didn't get into stand-up to get laid. You know, a lot of people, they, they throw that out there.

• 57:16Speaker 03

  But what if, what if when you got into stand-up, it was like being a magician? Like, it just would not get you laid. Like, you knew it was not gonna get you laid.

• 57:22Sam Morril?

  Magicians get laid.

• 57:23Speaker 03

  I know, but, you know, when, when you started, and being a magician was not good.

• 57:28Mark Normand?

  I would still be a magician, because that's the calling.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  Really? Is it?

• 57:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:32Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 57:33Mark Normand?

  Hey, I was a fucking Cub Scout, you know? I wasn't doing this shit for the ladies.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:37Mark Normand?

  I was a Cub Scout for me.

• 57:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:40Sam Morril?

  And the Cub Master, they were doing it for you.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did get laid.

• 57:43Mark Normand?

  Rough camping trip.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  Scoop the jizz.

• 57:46Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Really gotta be your merch, I think.

• 57:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:52Sam Morril?

  John, what, what's the name of the special?

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Special Boy.

• 57:55Sam Morril?

  Special Boy. How long is it?

• 57:57Speaker 02

  It's an hour ten.

• 57:59Sam Morril?

  Wow, okay.

• 58:00Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's long. But it is a documentary.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  It's, yeah, it's a lot of doc, and, yeah. My mom's in it, too. That's why it's called Special Boy.

• 58:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's adorable.

• 58:07Sam Morril?

  Will you shout out the director, because I know he probably...

• 58:09Speaker 02

  Noah Finlay. He's a great comic as well.

• 58:11Mark Normand?

  All right, Noah.

• 58:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  He's my buddy, and he opened for me, and so, yeah. It was easy for him to film it, because he was already sharing a hotel room with me. So I just wake up from morning radio, and he'd be in his underwear, like...

• 58:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun. Now, you had, you had a special, what, two years ago?

• 58:27Speaker 03

  No.

• 58:28Sam Morril?

  Last year?

• 58:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:29Mark Normand?

  How, how's the next hour looking?

• 58:32Speaker 03

  Great. I really like it.

• 58:33Mark Normand?

  Alright!

• 58:34Speaker 03

  It's really good. It's a lot of what we were just talking about, where I'm like, women have to cop to some shit.

• 58:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love it.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  Um, and, and also, yeah, and men have to cop to some shit, but it's, the big thing is like, "Women have to take responsibility that we are the smarter gender and stop acting like retards."

• 58:52Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 58:53Speaker 03

  But, yeah, I love it. It's so fun. And it has so much like, silly stuff. There's like, a lot of fart stuff.

• 58:59Mark Normand?

  I love it. I think in a weird way, and I'm like, I'm not a lady, but I think some women wanna hear that, too. Like, yes, thank you for saying it. Like, like Ali Wong had that special Cobra?

• 59:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:09Mark Normand?

  I wanna say?

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Baby Cobra?

• 59:10Mark Normand?

  Baby Cobra. And it was so great, because it was like, we were kinda going through like, 2020, when everything was gay and annoying.

• 59:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:17Mark Normand?

  And it was like, this woman on stage, like, "I don't wanna work. I want my husband to pay for everything. Fuck you. I'm, I'm still a lady. Stop telling me I'm less of a woman." And it was like, it broke her. It was a huge special, because she was just keeping it real.

• 59:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, totally.

• 59:31Mark Normand?

  That's, that's kinda what we're supposed to be doing here.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  It's just, the other thing that women are doing is, we're saying that we're doing things for ourselves, and we're not. Like, women are now being like, "I don't get waxed for men. I do it for me. I don't wear..." The, the big thing right now, I have a big bit about it, but women are actually saying that we wear makeup for each other, and not for men. And like, there's no way.

• 59:51Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  You spend time with women together, if one of us has makeup on, we're like, "What are you, trying to fuck us?" You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't make sense. But I have a whole bit about that. And like, and a lot of it is like, very feminist, like, women, we have to kinda band together more and stop doing this ridiculous, like, kowtowing to men while also saying it's feminist and stuff.

• 1:00:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you know this is bullshit? Strippers saying like, "This is, I'm being a strong feminist, and I'm doing this to empower myself."

• 1:00:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:17Mark Normand?

  Empowerment with the nudity is...

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't get that.

• 1:00:19Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm all for it.

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21Mark Normand?

  You know, keep, "I'm, I'm, I'm a, I'm a sex worker, because it's empowering." You're like, "Alright, here's twenty bucks."

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  The thing that I like about strippers, though, is it's like, it's like an athletic thing and it's utilizing that they have a hot body. And it's preying on the dumbest part of men, which is just like money for whole, money for whole. And I like, I do actually think that's kind of sick to be like, I'm fit as fuck, I'm hot as fuck.

• 1:00:48Mark Normand?

  Agreed.

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  I'm robbing these retards. You know what I mean? Like I am stealing from them. That I'm kind of down with.

• 1:00:54Sam Morril?

  I think Mark and I don't like being called retard. We'll get past that.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  I apologize. But I'm not down with like, I'm not down with like the 16 year old who's like, I'm starting an OnlyFans to get, you know what I mean?

• 1:01:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's empowering.

• 1:01:04Speaker 03

  Because it's empowering. I'm not down with that.

• 1:01:05Sam Morril?

  You know what I was thinking is like sex workers from like way back in the day must look at the OnlyFans women now as like the way old NBA players.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Sam Morril?

  Like, holy shit. Like, I wish I got this money.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like NBA players, they made the court this bit, like a tiny little court.

• 1:01:20Sam Morril?

  I mean, like, those, like, you were trailblazers in a way, but now, like, you're watching all these other people get just fucking rich.

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  Who's getting more money than OnlyFans people and pro athletes?

• 1:01:31Mark Normand?

  Nobody.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  It's so fucked. I mean, podcasts.

• 1:01:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like AI, people running like AI companies now, probably. Yeah, the Portland Trailblazers. A lot of strip clubs in Portland.

• 1:01:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I think it's number two in the country.

• 1:01:44Sam Morril?

  Is it?

• 1:01:45Mark Normand?

  Tampa's one.

• 1:01:46Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:01:46Mark Normand?

  I think Portland's two. Give it a goog.

• 1:01:48Speaker 04

  Um, I will. So we do this thing called working on any bits.

• 1:01:51Mark Normand?

  Wait, what about peeves? Hold on.

• 1:01:53Speaker 04

  Oh, we got any peeves first?

• 1:01:54Mark Normand?

  I got some peeves. Wait, did you guys see The Odyssey?

• 1:01:57Sam Morril?

  I did.

• 1:01:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, we gotta talk about The Odyssey, goddammit.

• 1:02:00Sam Morril?

  Okay, I, can I say?

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  I have one peeve with The Odyssey.

• 1:02:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god, alright.

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:02:06Sam Morril?

  Go take a piss.

• 1:02:06Mark Normand?

  Take a piss. The views will go up.

• 1:02:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:02:11Mark Normand?

  It's Jugga Jody.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  Spoilers are fine?

• 1:02:14Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  Okay, it's not a big spoiler.

• 1:02:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. Minor spoilers.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  Minor spoiler.

• 1:02:18Mark Normand?

  In a couple of weeks.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  So he's like a very, he's like a very stoic, cool guy, Odysseus.

• 1:02:23Mark Normand?

  Damon.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  And then Damon, yeah.

• 1:02:25Sam Morril?

  He's great in the movie, man.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  And he's amazing.

• 1:02:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  But at one point, when he shoots the arrow into the cyclops's eye.

• 1:02:31Sam Morril?

  I was literally just going.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  I was like, that's the most unc- they didn't build up that character part of him at all.

• 1:02:36Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  His whole MO was like, get everybody to safety, and then he just turns and sabotages. That was my one qualm. And it was a plot thing.

• 1:02:44Sam Morril?

  It was more emotional a move than, uh, like, he's always written about as like crafty and clever, Odysseus, but it was like an emotional move.

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  But they should have just had, when one of his boys died, he should have been like, super pissed. And maybe somebody had to cover his mouth because the cyclops was sleeping, or something to show that he had rage around it.

• 1:03:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  But they, he just suddenly sabotaged it because it needed to show that he upset Poseidon. But it was like.

• 1:03:06Mark Normand?

  Interesting take. I, I do think he's the perfect guy. He, he made a mistake. People make mistakes.

• 1:03:13Speaker 03

  But they didn't build, it was such a fast mistake that was so.

• 1:03:15Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  All they had to do was have him like, maybe just another beat where he like picks up the helmet and like, it's his buddy or something like.

• 1:03:22Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  Or like, maybe not even a helmet, but like a hand with a ring on it, like something that was more emotional.

• 1:03:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:29Sam Morril?

  He was, he was killing his men, that Cyclops guy.

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he wasn't sad about it. He was so stoic the whole time.

• 1:03:37Sam Morril?

  Well, he's got, he's the leader. He's gotta, he's gotta keep, uh, he's gotta keep the morale up.

• 1:03:40Mark Normand?

  That's an interesting, that's a, that's a good note, though. I like it. Just give it a little more. Like, it should have been the helmet, because he drops the helmet, so the guy was mocking him, like, haha, I killed your guy. So that was his payback, was the arrow. But they should have done more that was like, that was my best friend.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a little bit more.

• 1:03:56Mark Normand?

  I like it.

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, I thought that, and I was like, I don't, I was like, nah, maybe not. And then I talked to Dan Janine, and he said the same thing. And I was like, okay, yeah, that is correct. It was really weird and quick. And I thought I missed something. Like, I was like, maybe I missed that that was his buddy's helmet or something. But, but that dude was sick.

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  That was awesome.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  The other thing I didn't like is the silver guys. That was flat, flat as hell.

• 1:04:16Mark Normand?

  Flat. I said the same.

• 1:04:17Sam Morril?

  The giant guys?

• 1:04:18Mark Normand?

  So uncreative.

• 1:04:19Speaker 03

  The mini giants?

• 1:04:20Mark Normand?

  We got a cyclops, we got sirens, we got sea monsters, and then we got big guys. That's your angle? Come on.

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  I'm down with you moving trees, but make the trees the big thing.

• 1:04:28Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was no fun. Nothing special about these guys.

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  I'd never see it. I don't have to see it.

• 1:04:35Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, it's good. You should go see it.

• 1:04:36Sam Morril?

  No, visually, it's visually one of the best looking movies ever.

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  No, it was so good.

• 1:04:41Sam Morril?

  Visually, it's unreal.

• 1:04:41Speaker 03

  The bow's drum, that noise was like, give, give you chills every time he did it.

• 1:04:46Mark Normand?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:04:46Speaker 03

  It was so sick.

• 1:04:47Sam Morril?

  Oh, when the guy, when that animal's just yanking them out of the boat, and he's like, you knew and you took us this way.

• 1:04:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:53Sam Morril?

  That was cool. He's like, well, the other way we're 30 minutes longer.

• 1:04:55Mark Normand?

  Alright, I gotta peeve. Here's my Odyssey peeve. He's pissed off, he's bitching, because he's on an island with Charlize Theron. He's on this island with this beautiful woman, he's like, ah, this sucks, so I gotta get back. She's like, take more drugs. He's like, I gotta get out of here. I'm like, hey, you made it. You're on an island with Charlize Theron alone, you got all the food you can eat, you got a hot lady.

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  Did you laugh?

• 1:05:16Mark Normand?

  Hang out.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  Did you laugh?

• 1:05:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but he's got a hot wife at home.

• 1:05:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but he had no memory.

• 1:05:20Speaker 03

  He didn't know.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  He had no memory.

• 1:05:21Sam Morril?

  But something felt wrong.

• 1:05:23Mark Normand?

  I guess, but I'd be like, hey, I, I shipwrecked, I landed here with this broad.

• 1:05:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but he's with her for seven years. Charlize Theron is hot.

• 1:05:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that right?

• 1:05:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but after seven.

• 1:05:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's too long.

• 1:05:33Sam Morril?

  It was something crazy long.

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought it was like a month. Seven year itch. I gotta go.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  When, when he goes like this, when she, when she's giving him the lotus, and then she stops, and she goes, she goes, she goes, no more, and Matt Damon goes, but I love it. I was dying so much in the theater. I was like, nobody ever says that, but I love it. It was so funny. But yeah, that, but yeah, he was stuck with her, and he had the itching, like, where am I from? What has happened?

• 1:05:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I see.

• 1:05:59Sam Morril?

  And also, you, you wanna get home and be like, I fuck it, I conquered that shit.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  But I loved the whole moral that he didn't want to get home, and that he was, and that he couldn't like.

• 1:06:06Mark Normand?

  That was great. That was heavy.

• 1:06:08Sam Morril?

  Wait, which part?

• 1:06:09Speaker 03

  Just that he like would not accept, he wouldn't, he didn't want to go home because he had defied Zeus's law and had fucked everything up, and he couldn't face himself. And just like using the lotus, which is like how we use alcohol, and just like being like, I can't face reality was good. And then that he had to like submit to the gods in the end and just like go for it, because he was.

• 1:06:26Speaker 04

  We said no spoilers, guys.

• 1:06:27Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. But yeah, it was great.

• 1:06:29Mark Normand?

  The books been out for a minute. Okay.

• 1:06:31Speaker 03

  I really liked it. I was very moved.

• 1:06:33Mark Normand?

  I liked it too.

• 1:06:34Sam Morril?

  Ezra Klein did a cool thing on, I don't know if you saw it, for New York Times.

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  Ezra Klein stinks.

• 1:06:38Sam Morril?

  It's a, it's a good thing, uh, on the New York Times about The Odyssey, breaking it down, like how he didn't follow exactly The Odyssey, but why he went.

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  Does he start crying during it?

• 1:06:46Sam Morril?

  No crying.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  Okay, that's good.

• 1:06:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, he didn't like it?

• 1:06:49Sam Morril?

  No, he did like it.

• 1:06:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, he did like it?

• 1:06:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:51Speaker 03

  It's so good. I also hate Anne Hathaway. That was my other qualm.

• 1:06:54Sam Morril?

  I thought she was great in the movie.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  No, she's so unlikable. Why couldn't they use like an Irish actress or something?

• 1:06:59Mark Normand?

  Or Greek?

• 1:07:00Speaker 03

  Or Greek.

• 1:07:01Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 1:07:02Sam Morril?

  Easy, Elon Musk. Jesus.

• 1:07:04Mark Normand?

  No Greeks. Should put one in there. If you gotta have a trans person play a trans person. Stavros is Odysseus.

• 1:07:11Sam Morril?

  Stav should have been Odysseus.

• 1:07:12Mark Normand?

  Now we're talking. Maybe Yanis, something. Get Stamos in there. He's hot.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  The best part was in the horse. That was sick.

• 1:07:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was great.

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  That was so cool.

• 1:07:22Mark Normand?

  That was great. Man, what a fun flick. It felt like an epic. It felt like you were watching a movie.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  And it didn't feel as long as it was.

• 1:07:30Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 1:07:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, get Yanis in there.

• 1:07:32Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah, the Greek freak.

• 1:07:33Sam Morril?

  One of the giants.

• 1:07:34Mark Normand?

  He wouldn't fit in the horse.

• 1:07:35Speaker 03

  That would have been cool to have him in there. That would have been sick.

• 1:07:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they had a couple of black and Indian guys, too. So they could have had him.

• 1:07:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  Keep it going.

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, the black guys died very quickly.

• 1:07:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, the Trojan horse scene was fucking awesome.

• 1:07:48Speaker 03

  That was so sick.

• 1:07:49Sam Morril?

  That was so good.

• 1:07:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:50Sam Morril?

  Alright, sorry, we just went on a tangent about The Odyssey.

• 1:07:52Mark Normand?

  Pattinson was super gay. That was fun.

• 1:07:54Sam Morril?

  He was awesome.

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  Oh, I got a perfect peeve.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  You got a peeve?

• 1:07:57Speaker 03

  I got a peeve.

• 1:07:58Sam Morril?

  What do you got?

• 1:07:59Mark Normand?

  Hit me, sister.

• 1:08:00Speaker 03

  I don't like when you go out to dinner with a guy. This was, this happened with the guy that I dated, but blah, blah, blah, blah. Where, and they go like this, they like think that because where they took you is nice, they deserve something.

• 1:08:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:12Speaker 03

  Like, they take you, and they're like, what do you think about the gnocchi? And you're like, it's good. Do you want to bring the chef out so I can thank, you know what I mean?

• 1:08:18Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:08:18Speaker 03

  And they're like, wasn't this place good? And it's like, what do you think? This earns you sex with me on top or something? Like, you didn't cook this, you idiot.

• 1:08:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, good point.

• 1:08:26Speaker 03

  I hate it. I hate that so much. Isn't this really good? This is a great restaurant, huh? And I'm like, yeah, dude, what the fuck do you want?

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  But kiss your forehead, you're in heaven.

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  By the way, Vider does this to me all the time at meals that I'm paying for. He's like, how good is this shit? I'm like, I know, I'm fucking.

• 1:08:40Mark Normand?

  I hate, I hate when people need all that validation, you know, and people like show you stuff, like, look at this, look at that, look at that. I'm like, alright, I'm, I'm exhausted.

• 1:08:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, or they show you a song, and then you're listening to it later, and they're like, I showed you that. And you're like, okay, yeah.

• 1:08:52Sam Morril?

  They want credit for shit they didn't, they didn't do.

• 1:08:54Mark Normand?

  Yes. Yes. Good, good peeve.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:08:58Sam Morril?

  Did the guy at least pick up the tab?

• 1:09:00Speaker 03

  Oh, every time. That was nice. I felt like a real lady with that.

• 1:09:03Sam Morril?

  Were you, were you pushing back at the restaurant suggestion? I mean, what's the reason for the overwhelming excitement?

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Because I hate going out to eat with people. I really hate it. So we would go out, and he'd be like, but see, isn't this good? I'm like, yeah, it's good, but I don't want to be here, man.

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  You'd rather have eating it at home.

• 1:09:19Speaker 03

  I want to eat it at home. I want Sweetgreen at home on the, on the floor.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  I don't want nice restaurants. I hate that, I hate going out to restaurants where you, there's a slave, and you have to pretend that you're in this weird position of power, where you demand that they, it's bizarre.

• 1:09:32Sam Morril?

  You're like every guy's dream in the comments right now.

• 1:09:35Speaker 03

  Oh, nice.

• 1:09:35Sam Morril?

  That you want to eat on the floor.

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  Oh, can we tell that to the guy I'm seeing? Shout out. I'm every guy's dream.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  When they're reading you the specials, you feel really uncomfortable.

• 1:09:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the worst.

• 1:09:45Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:09:46Mark Normand?

  You gotta pretend to care. Oh.

• 1:09:48Speaker 03

  When they go like this, what about when they go like this? Have you been here before? I say yes every time. I'm like, I don't wanna hear whatever fucking book. Well, everything is bought from an upstate place. Fuck, I do not give a fuck. I can read them.

• 1:09:59Sam Morril?

  Have you been here before? Let me guess, you cook food back there and you bring it out front?

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. I hate that. Have you been here before?

• 1:10:05Mark Normand?

  I do that with hotels, too.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  He's the kind of person who eats on the floor, so let me.

• 1:10:08Speaker 03

  I love the floor food. Yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  Let me tell you about.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  This grew out of the floor.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  This restaurant for a second.

• 1:10:12Sam Morril?

  Our special is a rugola floor salad tonight.

• 1:10:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I eat oatmeal standing up.

• 1:10:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:18Mark Normand?

  I do that at hotels, too, where they're like, have you been here before? I'm like, yes. Don't tell me where the gym is. Don't tell me how the time the restaurant opens. I don't care. Just get me upstairs.

• 1:10:25Speaker 03

  It's so long and they have your keys hostage?

• 1:10:27Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:10:28Speaker 03

  Fuck the hotel. I hate that. I get so many fights with hotel people.

• 1:10:31Mark Normand?

  They give you that sheet of paper with all the information. I'm like, what am I, moving in here? I don't even know where your parking structure is and all this shit.

• 1:10:39Speaker 03

  It's crazy.

• 1:10:40Mark Normand?

  Um, all right, I got a peeve, and this one is, I'm pretty heated about it.

• 1:10:44Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:10:45Mark Normand?

  So tell me what you guys think. You ever had this one? At a party with the wife, we're having a great time. She bumps into a guy she knew from college. They say hello. He picks her up. I'm talking like a lift.

• 1:11:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:11:01Mark Normand?

  And I was, I saw it from across, I went, what the fuck?

• 1:11:03Sam Morril?

  Gay guy?

• 1:11:04Mark Normand?

  No, I don't think so.

• 1:11:05Speaker 02

  That's important.

• 1:11:06Mark Normand?

  A lift is bad.

• 1:11:07Sam Morril?

  Gay, it's okay.

• 1:11:08Mark Normand?

  Gay, I'll let a gay slide, but.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  What kind of lift?

• 1:11:12Mark Normand?

  Like a, like a four inch off the ground lift. Like a hug lift.

• 1:11:15Speaker 02

  No, I'm pissed.

• 1:11:16Mark Normand?

  That's crazy. The most emasculating thing, I'd rather be pegged in front of her than have this guy pick my wife up.

• 1:11:21Speaker 04

  A demo over here, Mark? Can you, can you?

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  Wait.

• 1:11:23Speaker 04

  Do a demo with him? Show us what it'll look like?

• 1:11:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, sure. I mean, it's pretty standard. Let me get, let me get right in here.

• 1:11:30Speaker 03

  Do an actual act out, please.

• 1:11:31Mark Normand?

  All right, I'll be the guy.

• 1:11:33Speaker 03

  Okay. You haven't seen each other in years.

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  Yes. Oh, my god, I've been so long.

• 1:11:40Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 1:11:41Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  He was longer than I remember.

• 1:11:43Sam Morril?

  That is.

• 1:11:44Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 1:11:49Sam Morril?

  That looked like four and a half inches to me.

• 1:11:50Speaker 03

  But you're dating.

• 1:11:51Mark Normand?

  We just did the Dirty Dancing closer.

• 1:11:53Speaker 03

  But you're kinda dating a, like, in college, was she? Sorry, you're married to a, that's so nice that you have to claim that. That's very sweet. You've come a long way.

• 1:12:01Mark Normand?

  Thank you. That's therapy.

• 1:12:03Speaker 03

  But was she bro-y in college?

• 1:12:06Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:12:07Speaker 03

  Okay, so she's one of his bros.

• 1:12:09Mark Normand?

  You hope.

• 1:12:10Speaker 03

  Did she get hot later? Like in college, did she play sports and stuff?

• 1:12:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. So she was a bro-y.

• 1:12:16Sam Morril?

  Did they ever hook up?

• 1:12:17Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 1:12:18Speaker 03

  Was she a beer girl?

• 1:12:18Mark Normand?

  That's the question, I assume.

• 1:12:20Sam Morril?

  You didn't ask?

• 1:12:21Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  You didn't ask?

• 1:12:22Mark Normand?

  I was stewing.

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  Can you call her?

• 1:12:24Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:12:24Speaker 02

  This is where we differ. Like, I wouldn't be able to, I can't.

• 1:12:27Mark Normand?

  You would've said something about the pickup?

• 1:12:28Speaker 02

  I gotta know, I gotta know. You guys hooked up, and you liked it? And it made you drop, and it made you drop, and it made you drop.

• 1:12:36Mark Normand?

  She's allowed to hook up with him. At college, you're allowed, she's allowed to hook up with you.

• 1:12:39Speaker 02

  I'm like, don't say that, don't say that.

• 1:12:40Sam Morril?

  I know you're allowed to hook up, but then no more of that affection now that we're together would be my thing.

• 1:12:45Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:12:46Sam Morril?

  You just gotta, you gotta subdue that a little.

• 1:12:47Mark Normand?

  She didn't do it.

• 1:12:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, she got lifted.

• 1:12:49Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 1:12:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So I confronted him later.

• 1:12:52Sam Morril?

  What'd he say?

• 1:12:52Mark Normand?

  I said, she's a little heavy, right?

• 1:12:56Mark Normand?

  Um, no, no, I just, you know, I eyeballed the guy for about half an hour.

• 1:13:00Sam Morril?

  And you don't think he was gay?

• 1:13:01Speaker 03

  Can I assume, was he tall?

• 1:13:03Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:13:03Speaker 03

  Oh, good, good, good, good, good.

• 1:13:04Mark Normand?

  A little baby.

• 1:13:05Sam Morril?

  You should've hugged him and picked him up.

• 1:13:07Mark Normand?

  Ooh, that's good.

• 1:13:08Sam Morril?

  The old emasculation.

• 1:13:09Mark Normand?

  That's good, I should've kissed him.

• 1:13:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you like it.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  Grab his cock.

• 1:13:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Speaker 04

  You gotta scoop up that cum, Mark.

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  Your husband's been trying to fuck me all night. No, they didn't hook up. They didn't hook up. She was a bro. She was a beer girl like I was. They hadn't seen each other in a long time. It was a big friend hug.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  You think, yeah.

• 1:13:27Speaker 03

  And he did a lift. But her tits are huge.

• 1:13:29Mark Normand?

  Big jugs.

• 1:13:31Sam Morril?

  Did he motorboater?

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  I forget that she has big tits. That changes everything. Well, because I have no tits, so if somebody picks me up, it's like just picking up like a Lego guy. But like.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  But these are the same tits that they wore, right?

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  She's always had big tits.

• 1:13:43Mark Normand?

  Big tits.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  So he squeezed, got the tits, loved the tits, wanted to hold on to the tits for a second longer, lifted the tits.

• 1:13:50Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 1:13:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Sam Morril?

  I wanna follow up and I wanna know if he's gay or not.

• 1:13:54Mark Normand?

  I don't think he's gay. He looked non-gay, but he did pick her up by the cheeks.

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 1:13:59Sam Morril?

  Okay, I was like, I didn't see that on the act out.

• 1:14:02Speaker 03

  He picked her up, motorboatered her. Nice to see ya.

• 1:14:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and then she did the leg wrap around.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:14:09Mark Normand?

  Don't you love when a woman does a leg wrap? That's a great feeling.

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  It's nice.

• 1:14:12Mark Normand?

  That's a good time.

• 1:14:14Speaker 02

  No, I was, I was with the girlfriend yesterday. We were talking to a friend of mine. He goes, he's talking about how he hooked up with this girl. We were friends, it was just a, you know, and my girlfriend goes, no, it's always fun hooking up with friends. And I, and I, and then for the rest of the day, I'm like, oh, is that? Oh, you're like, hooking up with friends. You've had a lot of fun nights with friends.

• 1:14:32Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:14:33Mark Normand?

  Well, people have hooked up, you know, you just gotta face it.

• 1:14:36Speaker 02

  I shouldn't be upset about things that predate me, but I'm upset that she went to prom with somebody.

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  This is how crazy I am. I was talking to, I was talking to my guy and I was like, I was like, yeah, she's a, I was like in a certain city. Cause if I say it, everybody'll know. And I was like, you know the hot girl who does comedy in that city? What's her name? And then he just said her name. And I was like, oh! Oh, really? And he was like, you, you just trapped me so hard. She is the hot girl in that city. And I was like, you think she's hot? And I went on, yeah.

• 1:15:02Sam Morril?

  Damn. You trapped him.

• 1:15:04Speaker 03

  I am one of those. Isn't that fucked up?

• 1:15:06Mark Normand?

  Well, it's in the DNA, you're a lady.

• 1:15:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I gotta go.

• 1:15:08Mark Normand?

  It's gonna happen.

• 1:15:08Speaker 03

  I know, yeah.

• 1:15:09Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:15:10Mark Normand?

  No matter how many torn jeans you wear, it's in there.

• 1:15:12Speaker 03

  I try, I try and cover it up, but it's really in there.

• 1:15:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, where I do the things where I'm like, do you remember my middle name?

• 1:15:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  I think maybe I'm the woman.

• 1:15:21Mark Normand?

  You might be the lady. That's why you guys get along.

• 1:15:23Sam Morril?

  The girl I'm seeing right now was furious at me because I, first off, a girl I used to date, so many beauty products still in my apartment. I thought I got them all, I didn't. She found some, she was pissed about it, and I was like, okay, I understand. A night later, she's using the cream.

• 1:15:39Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's crazy.

• 1:15:40Sam Morril?

  You can't scream and use the cream?

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  You can't scream and then cream. You can't scream and then cream. You can't scream and then cream.

• 1:15:47Sam Morril?

  I'll take the scream, but not with the cream.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:15:49Mark Normand?

  Let me call Seinfeld. That's good stuff, I gotta send it over.

• 1:15:52Speaker 03

  That's, that is beautiful. That is beautiful. You caught her using the cream?

• 1:15:56Sam Morril?

  I did.

• 1:15:56Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:15:57Mark Normand?

  Is the bit working?

• 1:15:58Sam Morril?

  I haven't tried it on stage.

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  You gotta do it.

• 1:16:00Sam Morril?

  I haven't tried it. I texted to you saying something about, but yeah, I never used it.

• 1:16:03Mark Normand?

  I said it was like when a cop finds the coke, then he starts doing the coke.

• 1:16:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. It's even worse, though.

• 1:16:10Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  It's, it's almost worse.

• 1:16:12Sam Morril?

  Cause you expect it from a cop.

• 1:16:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 1:16:16Mark Normand?

  But also maybe she's using it as a power move, like now I'm with him, bitch.

• 1:16:20Sam Morril?

  She, she said, I like this product, so I'm gonna use it, but I won't complain anymore. I was like, deal. It worked out for everybody, we're all happy.

• 1:16:28Mark Normand?

  Everybody wins.

• 1:16:29Speaker 03

  Man, you didn't get all, rid of all the products, that's crazy. Why didn't you say it was your product?

• 1:16:34Sam Morril?

  Cause it was clearly for women.

• 1:16:35Speaker 03

  That's even worse.

• 1:16:36Mark Normand?

  vaginal reconstruction.

• 1:16:39Mark Normand?

  Labia rejuvenation.

• 1:16:40Sam Morril?

  That vaginal is mine.

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Summer's Eve.

• 1:16:45Speaker 03

  I found my own underwear once and accused the guy of cheating on me.

• 1:16:48Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:16:48Speaker 03

  It was my own underwear. And my underwear is like giant granny panty, you know, Hanes.

• 1:16:53Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:16:54Speaker 03

  And so I'm just like holding a giant pair of underwear. I'm being like, what whore was in this house?

• 1:16:58Mark Normand?

  Somebody with a skid mark.

• 1:17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's in the bit, I say. I say a skid mark and a period sign, you have a type, mister.

• 1:17:07Mark Normand?

  That's a funny bit. I saw a young female comic do it.

• 1:17:11Mark Normand?

  I can't wait to hear who that is.

• 1:17:13Speaker 03

  Do you have a peeve, Sam?

• 1:17:14Sam Morril?

  I have actually a toast. A rare toast. I'm, I'm loving these. I love a punch card. Love a little punch card.

• 1:17:22Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:17:23Sam Morril?

  I got a coffee, they make me a sandwich punch card, bagel punch card, coffee punch card, cause I get excited for the free one.

• 1:17:29Mark Normand?

  I hear ya.

• 1:17:30Speaker 03

  Do you get a juiced up free one?

• 1:17:32Sam Morril?

  No, I do the same thing I always get.

• 1:17:34Speaker 03

  Okay, I do juiced up.

• 1:17:35Sam Morril?

  You go crazy.

• 1:17:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, no tip.

• 1:17:39Speaker 03

  I heard that shit.

• 1:17:41Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:17:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I love, I don't know why, I love a punch card.

• 1:17:44Mark Normand?

  I'm with ya, but I had a guy at a coffee shop, Puerto Rico Imports on Bleecker Street, great coffee.

• 1:17:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, great coffee.

• 1:17:50Mark Normand?

  They have only a five punch. So you can get there quick, you know? You get there, every week you got a free coffee.

• 1:17:55Speaker 03

  That's nice.

• 1:17:55Mark Normand?

  But they didn't like the card. When I slid it across the counter, they go.

• 1:18:00Speaker 03

  I hate that, that I hate. You gave me the card.

• 1:18:02Mark Normand?

  You set this system up.

• 1:18:04Sam Morril?

  They usually give me like a thumbs up, like a congratulatory thumbs up at this place.

• 1:18:07Speaker 02

  This place says coffee beans, every, couldn't have more coffee in that place.

• 1:18:11Mark Normand?

  I know, it's a lot of coffee. Pull up Puerto Rico Imports. It's a staple, but they gave me an eye roll every time that card slid down the counter. And I didn't care for it. I go, you set this up, don't get mad at me.

• 1:18:23Speaker 02

  You're not in that neighborhood anymore, are ya?

• 1:18:24Mark Normand?

  No, I wish. That's a great, great time I had over there in the village. There it is, that's the pool.

• 1:18:29Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's a great spot.

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, you know it.

• 1:18:31Sam Morril?

  It's right next to the morgue.

• 1:18:33Mark Normand?

  The morgue? Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:35Sam Morril?

  It's a weird block. There's a record store that's been there forever, a coffee shop that's been there forever, and a morgue.

• 1:18:40Mark Normand?

  Yes. That used to be Little Italy, by the way. But Little Italy got.

• 1:18:44Sam Morril?

  A coffee shop's good to be next to a morgue, cause it covers the smell.

• 1:18:47Mark Normand?

  Ah, is it a morgue or a funeral home?

• 1:18:49Sam Morril?

  It's a funeral home.

• 1:18:50Mark Normand?

  Okay, big diff.

• 1:18:52Sam Morril?

  Big diff.

• 1:18:52Mark Normand?

  But still, the casket, you never know.

• 1:18:54Sam Morril?

  Smell.

• 1:18:55Mark Normand?

  Gonna get a little formaldehyde. There it is, that's the spot.

• 1:18:58Sam Morril?

  I love the look of it.

• 1:18:59Mark Normand?

  It's a great, great coffee.

• 1:19:01Speaker 03

  They have tea in there, too.

• 1:19:01Sam Morril?

  And they've got everything, yeah. It's, that's a New York classic right there.

• 1:19:04Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:19:05Speaker 03

  My, my peeve that I should get out publicly, cause this is a big podcast, meet and greet line.

• 1:19:09Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:19:10Speaker 03

  No, no, meet and greet line, great. But if you're the person who goes like this, I don't want a picture, I just wanna say hi. You just gotta kill yourself.

• 1:19:18Mark Normand?

  That is weirder.

• 1:19:20Speaker 03

  You just can't do it. You just gotta take the picture.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  I don't think it's that bad.

• 1:19:23Speaker 03

  No, you can't, you can't do it.

• 1:19:25Speaker 02

  They're trying to be, you know what they're trying to do.

• 1:19:27Speaker 03

  I know what they're trying to do, I know what you're trying to do. But if you go, I, I don't, I don't want a picture, I just wanna say hi, that, you think that because you've exchanged the picture for 10 minutes of hearing.

• 1:19:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, they're, they're talking to you off an exchange short?

• 1:19:38Speaker 03

  Oh, in exchange, every time.

• 1:19:40Sam Morril?

  That part was not clear.

• 1:19:41Speaker 03

  Well, what else would they want?

• 1:19:42Mark Normand?

  That's what they want.

• 1:19:43Sam Morril?

  I've had people say, I've had people come up and just say, I don't want a picture, I just wanna say what's up, and then they walk by. I've had that happen.

• 1:19:48Speaker 03

  No, never. It's always, it's always this. I don't want a picture, I just wanna say hi. And then what, their hi is this, I started watching you on YouTube. And then I bought a ticket in March, but then I couldn't go. So then we got two new tickets. But then we, that was my sister's, and it goes on for so long. So, yeah, don't do that.

• 1:20:05Mark Normand?

  The thing is, the picture is a go-to something to do.

• 1:20:07Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 1:20:08Mark Normand?

  So the picture actually cuts the tension.

• 1:20:09Speaker 03

  It helps us, because we're dissociated completely.

• 1:20:11Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:20:13Speaker 02

  I'm so bad at this, cause I'll just, I'll continue the conversation, cause I'm such a people pleaser.

• 1:20:18Mark Normand?

  But you got a line here.

• 1:20:19Speaker 02

  Do you need to walk home? I know, I, I don't know how to get out of it.

• 1:20:21Mark Normand?

  I'll give you a, just.

• 1:20:22Speaker 02

  I'm so grateful.

• 1:20:23Mark Normand?

  To piggyback on that, how about this one? The guy waits till the end, he goes last, so he can get more time with you.

• 1:20:31Speaker 03

  I had this lady, I had, I had a lady wait until the end, and I'm like dreading it, right? I'm like, we got an end of the line lady, I'm gonna kill myself.

• 1:20:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:37Speaker 03

  And then she gets up there and she goes, takes a picture and she goes, thanks. And I go, and I say out loud, I was like, goddamn, you never have an end one, that's great. And then she turns and goes, would you like to, I wanted to show you my pun leg. And then pulls up her, every tattoo she has all the way up her leg is a pun. And she, so I have to answer a joke, a riddle, and then she shows the answer that's a tattoo all the way up her leg.

• 1:20:59Mark Normand?

  I'm in love.

• 1:21:00Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:21:02Mark Normand?

  Pun leg.

• 1:21:03Speaker 03

  And you're on that last one, so you have like the senioritis, where you're like, I just, I'm so close to getting out of here, oh.

• 1:21:08Mark Normand?

  That joke's got legs. Tell this woman to call me.

• 1:21:13Sam Morril?

  On that note, uh, any dates you guys want to plug? First off, see John Rudnitsky's new special?

• 1:21:18Speaker 02

  Yes, coming out in October.

• 1:21:20Sam Morril?

  Yes, and it's gonna be on YouTube?

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  Yes, it's gonna be on YouTube and, uh, I'm in Super Troopers 3, it comes out on-

• 1:21:26Mark Normand?

  Whoa! Okay, you're doing just fine, Johnny.

• 1:21:29Speaker 02

  Everything's gonna be fine, everything's gonna be fine.

• 1:21:31Speaker 03

  I made a mistake and agreed to do the Beacon during New York Comedy Fest.

• 1:21:34Mark Normand?

  I saw your name up there.

• 1:21:36Speaker 03

  Why did I do it? So, we have to sell, you have to sell that.

• 1:21:39Sam Morril?

  Help her sell that out right now.

• 1:21:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, please.

• 1:21:41Sam Morril?

  You're gonna sell it out.

• 1:21:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you'll be fine.

• 1:21:43Speaker 02

  Oh, come on, so quick, so quick.

• 1:21:45Speaker 03

  It's hard, I'm competing with so many people, I shouldn't have done it.

• 1:21:47Sam Morril?

  That is the problem with the fest.

• 1:21:49Mark Normand?

  I saw that, it's Daniel Sloss, it's all these people.

• 1:21:52Speaker 03

  But I have my own night.

• 1:21:53Mark Normand?

  Okay, great.

• 1:21:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:54Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 1:21:55Speaker 03

  I said I'm only doing the Beacon if I have my own night, and they said, okay, thank you.

• 1:21:57Sam Morril?

  You'll be fine.

• 1:21:58Speaker 03

  Okay, so yeah, buy tickets for that, go do it right now.

• 1:22:00Sam Morril?

  What, give a date?

• 1:22:02Speaker 03

  Um, no, um-

• 1:22:04Mark Normand?

  Pull it up, Sally.

• 1:22:04Speaker 03

  November 12th.

• 1:22:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, 12th.

• 1:22:06Speaker 03

  If it's November 12th, I'm a fucking genius.

• 1:22:08Mark Normand?

  There you go, hey, there's Coyote.

• 1:22:09Speaker 03

  Oh, look at my baby dog.

• 1:22:11Sam Morril?

  Oh, and we're all on Punch Up, so go to punchup.live/jordanjensen-

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  Beacon, right there, go up, back up.

• 1:22:16Mark Normand?

  Nailed it, nailed it.

• 1:22:17Speaker 03

  Go back up, stop, stop.

• 1:22:19Mark Normand?

  Right there.

• 1:22:19Speaker 03

  November 12th.

• 1:22:20Speaker 02

  There we go.

• 1:22:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:21Mark Normand?

  Beautiful, it's a great, have you done it?

• 1:22:23Speaker 03

  I, oh, I like, hopped on when Arkery did it.

• 1:22:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's a killer room, one of the best.

• 1:22:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I've done it a couple times, opening for people.

• 1:22:32Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:22:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's so fun.

• 1:22:33Mark Normand?

  Go see.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  But in the meantime, you'll be-

• 1:22:35Speaker 03

  That one's sold out, but keep going.

• 1:22:38Mark Normand?

  One of the good clubs.

• 1:22:39Speaker 02

  The whole stretch, the whole stretch is sold out.

• 1:22:40Speaker 03

  Spokane, Revolution Hall, North, Seattle, Washington, Vancouver, Northampton, Albany, Buffalo, Ottawa, Missauqua.

• 1:22:48Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  Atlantic City, Richmond, Norfolk, Durham, Charleston.

• 1:22:52Sam Morril?

  Gotta go, quick plug for Norfolk, you gotta go to the Little Dog Diner in Norfolk, if you like a good diner.

• 1:22:57Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm gonna text you.

• 1:22:58Sam Morril?

  They got, they got a really cool maple hot sauce. It was a Veeder pick and he wouldn't let it go, he was like, how good is this fucking hot sauce? I'm like, alright.

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I'll go. St. Louis, Chicago, The Vic.

• 1:23:10Mark Normand?

  Great, great theater.

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  Indianapolis.

• 1:23:12Speaker 02

  I'm never gonna see you.

• 1:23:14Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:23:15Mark Normand?

  You are the lady.

• 1:23:16Speaker 03

  This is like I'm Mark Norman, this is crazy.

• 1:23:17Mark Normand?

  Good for you.

• 1:23:18Speaker 03

  Philadelphia, Pittsburgh.

• 1:23:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, the Miller Theater's good. Watch out, they'll nickel and dime you over there.

• 1:23:24Speaker 03

  Tucson and Phoenix, you DM me all the time after I go there, go, you fucking idiot. I'm going there.

• 1:23:31Mark Normand?

  Alright, okay.

• 1:23:33Speaker 02

  Beacon, Beacon.

• 1:23:34Mark Normand?

  And, uh, yeah, check out John's special when it comes out, shouldn't be too far down the road, see him in Super Troopers.

• 1:23:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:23:40Mark Normand?

  Special boy, special needs, and, uh, what do you, what else you got here? Who else is, uh, plugging dates?

• 1:23:47Sam Morril?

  I got you, Mark, hold on.

• 1:23:48Mark Normand?

  Alrighty. Uh, here we go.

• 1:23:52Sam Morril?

  August, start at the 16th.

• 1:23:54Mark Normand?

  Okay, Cobb's is sold out, come to the Houston Improv, for the love of God.

• 1:23:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:59Mark Normand?

  Zany's in Nashville, that'll be fun, then I'm doing Pittsburgh Improv, we're adding shows, Casino Regina, we added another one. Ah, and then, uh, Club Regent, whatever that is, Acme, mini app, back running a new hour, coming to the clubs. Uh, so, then we got a movie we're shooting possibly.

• 1:24:18Sam Morril?

  Hopefully in October, we're, we're, we're, we've had some wrenches thrown away, we're, we're reacting, we're pivoting, we're making shit happen.

• 1:24:26Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 1:24:27Sam Morril?

  Uh, feeling good about it, uh-

• 1:24:30Mark Normand?

  Portland, yeah, all this is all movie, okay, now we're back. Yeah, a lot of casinos trying to make some money with the baby, put that kid in college, become a communist, and then we got- Comedy mothership and all these other stuff, yeah, so, uh, yeah, go to, go to the Punch Up, marknormancomedy.com.

• 1:24:47Sam Morril?

  I got Brea Improv, August 21st through 23rd, that should be very fun, we got, uh, after that, I'm going all over Europe, we're starting in Lisbon, Athens, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw, we added a night in Warsaw, we got Helsinki, Stockholm, Copenhagen, then I'm at Zany's in Nashville for just two nights, then we got Acme Comedy Co., oh, American Comedy Co., sorry, in, uh, San Diego, the 24th through the 26th, small fun room, uh, I'm adding some rooms, they might not be on the site yet, but they, they should be by the time this episode comes out, Pittsburgh Improv, Hilarities in Cleveland.

• 1:25:20Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:25:20Sam Morril?

  Madison Comedy, uh, Club, uh, Comedy on State, the, this is all, it should be November, December, and then, Magoob's in Baltimore, uh, the December 17th through 19th, and yeah, hopefully we're shooting this fucking movie soon, get some Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodeagacatwhiskey.com.

• 1:25:36Mark Normand?

  Yeehaw.

• 1:25:37Sam Morril?

  And, uh, we got hot new merch coming soon for two, it's, it looks so, that shirt Mark was wearing on that episode, I forgot which episode it was.

• 1:25:44Mark Normand?

  The little cat, the white shirt.

• 1:25:45Sam Morril?

  Love that shit, so special stuff coming soon, so keep an eye out if you want bodega in your, uh-

• 1:25:50Mark Normand?

  And send us a note if you want to help us make our energy powder.

• 1:25:54Sam Morril?

  Yes, we want that electrolyte powder. Uh, to, to pair with bodega for the hangovers in the next morning, bodega cat electrolytes.

• 1:26:01Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:26:01Sam Morril?

  Healthy shit, too, we want it to be good for you, so.

• 1:26:03Mark Normand?

  Alright, thank you, folks, get some bodega, we'll see y'all in hell, praise Allah, don't hug my wife.

• 1:26:54Speaker 05

  Where some see heroes and others see egos, Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others, we see crypto's trillion dollar swings, the end of jobs or the end of human struggle, we see the endless funds fueling the AI hype, while others follow the noise, we follow the money.

• 1:27:22Speaker 05

  Learn more at Bloomberg.com.