Ep 256: Fiona Cauley

Fiona Cauley joins Mark and Sam for a wild one — from Vegas hangovers and bad hecklers to the real talk about living with Friedreich’s Ataxia, hitting the road, and crushing Kill Tony. They get into Charlie Sheen’s crack-fueled charm, awkward sex-club stories, and Fiona’s unreal crowd-work moment that connected her with a gene-therapy exec who might actually help cure her disease. Dark jokes, big laughs, and plenty of heart in this one. Sponsored by: Go to https://Lucy.co/DRUNK and use promo code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order. Go to https://quince.com/drunk for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/DRUNK. Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets — Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #FionaCauley #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey #Lucy #Quince #Hims #GothamProductionStudios Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, we're here, we're back, we might be drunk!

• 0:08Sam Morril?

  Yo, yo, what's up dude?

• 0:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy, a long day, but hey, we're here, we're queer.

• 0:13Sam Morril?

  What do you have?

• 0:14Mark Normand?

  I had a pot earlier, the baby, I'm teaching him how to swim.

• 0:17Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 0:18Mark Normand?

  So I gotta get up early and get him to the Y. He's loving it.

• 0:22Sam Morril?

  You're not gonna be able to Casey Anthe him now, whatever.

• 0:26Mark Normand?

  Tried to Whitney Houston him, but no dice.

• 0:29Sam Morril?

  That's, you're taking the baby to the Y, that's so New York, I love that.

• 0:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, just me and a couple Indian ladies just flashing away.

• 0:36Sam Morril?

  Dude, uh, yeah, shit, I, we rescheduled this because I was sick as fuck. I, I wasn't even like, you ever sick in Vegas?

• 0:45Mark Normand?

  No, I get sick after Vegas.

• 0:46Sam Morril?

  I, it sucks to be sick in Vegas because I'm at the Venetian, you're like, it's not, it's just every step is a reminder that everyone is like having fun except you.

• 0:56Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 0:57Sam Morril?

  And I'm trying to like, be ready for the show, I still did the show, obviously, but, uh, I'm walking around, I'm like, I'm like, maybe at the food court, there's like a ramen place, I'm gonna like blast this out of me, you know? But then you're like, you're looking around, you're like, where the fuck am I? Because these casinos are designed to make you lost.

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  That's true, no windows, no clocks.

• 1:14Sam Morril?

  Nothing, so like, you're so fucked up, and you're like, I don't have my senses from the, you know, cold quite as high, and, uh, and then you're like, I could play some blackjack? You're like, fuck, I'm sick at a table, yeah, fuck, give me another hand.

• 1:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 1:28Sam Morril?

  But it's like, it's also like, it's crazy, everyone in Vegas, because they don't live there, but like, everyone in Vegas is kinda a little heavy.

• 1:34Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:35Sam Morril?

  Unless they're the, you know, the hot people, but like, the locals kinda heavy, but, a lot of walking in those hotels.

• 1:42Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  You feel it when your, when your legs are dragging you down from a little, uh, cold action.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  That's true, yeah, you get the fattest people in the world and the hottest people in one place, I never thought about that.

• 1:51Sam Morril?

  I'll tell you another thing I noticed, in the Walgreens, the, uh, the condoms are locked up and the meds are not. That says everything about Vegas.

• 2:00Mark Normand?

  Yes, well, I mean, it's like, hey, I couldn't wear a condom, they're locked up.

• 2:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  But I can take my Valium.

• 2:08Sam Morril?

  Fucking crazy.

• 2:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but Vegas, it's not for me. I get it. It's cool.

• 2:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's fun. The thing is, I love it for like two nights a year.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 2:17Sam Morril?

  That's, that's why it sucked to be sick for my trip this year.

• 2:20Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 2:21Sam Morril?

  Cause I, for two nights, you're like, yeah, it's fun. This is great.

• 2:23Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, I mean, The Hangover nailed it. Swingers nailed it, but uh.

• 2:27Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 2:28Mark Normand?

  It, I guess, I think growing up in New Orleans, like those party towns, I'm like, ah, get me out of here.

• 2:33Sam Morril?

  But New Orleans is a party town with more culture.

• 2:36Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 2:37Sam Morril?

  There's some cool culture in Vegas, like in the history, but not like the col- like the history, not culture.

• 2:42Mark Normand?

  The Rat Pack and all that.

• 2:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, like the Bugsy Siegel shit, the flamingo, like still there? Like that shit's cool to me, like.

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  The old timey, uh, like him just owing everybody money, him like selling off like four, he's like, you own 400% of the flamingo to some gangster.

• 2:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:57Sam Morril?

  They fucking whacked him.

• 2:58Mark Normand?

  My dad always says Vegas, when the mob ran it, was better.

• 3:01Sam Morril?

  That's what they all say.

• 3:02Mark Normand?

  Sure, not good for.

• 3:04Sam Morril?

  As long as you don't fuck up.

• 3:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 3:05Sam Morril?

  You're counting cards, you don't, you're like, I don't.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:08Sam Morril?

  That was the Jewish mob too.

• 3:10Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 3:11Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, Bugsy, Ben Siegel.

• 3:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  Meyer Lansky, Jew.

• 3:15Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  Meyer, they were boys. They grew up together in, uh, in New York.

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 3:19Sam Morril?

  And then Meyer Lansky, like, he didn't want him to get killed, but it's like at a certain point when the whole fucking, when everyone's like, this guy's a liability, they kill him.

• 3:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you get a mo green. Shoot him in the eye.

• 3:29Sam Morril?

  Mo green, that's a good death.

• 3:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:31Sam Morril?

  It's all fucking Pacino's eyes, just staring at him.

• 3:34Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. Great shot.

• 3:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I got the, I got the IV, the whole shebang.

• 3:39Mark Normand?

  Whoa, so did you link up with Noah and?

• 3:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:42Mark Normand?

  Did you have a lunch or a set? How do you?

• 3:45Sam Morril?

  I was, I was in my room just trying to sleep it off, but uh, no, we hung before and after the show.

• 3:49Mark Normand?

  That's one thing about Vegas, you do the casino, they treat you good. That room is insane.

• 3:54Sam Morril?

  Insane. There was an elliptical in my room.

• 3:56Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 3:57Sam Morril?

  I was like, this must've been the shit in like 1989. Fucking. Some fucking sort of Dean Martin on the fucking thing with a cigarette in his mouth.

• 4:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Vegas is great, but it's always a little dated. You know, you're like, huh, big screen TV that's sitting on the floor.

• 4:11Sam Morril?

  It's like those TVs that like enter out of the fucking table and you're like, damn, this was like Architectural Digest 91.

• 4:17Mark Normand?

  I know, and good luck finding a USB in a Vegas hotel.

• 4:21Sam Morril?

  No, that's a pump. They have all USBs. And I'm like, no one has this charger anymore.

• 4:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. It's always a little behind.

• 4:26Sam Morril?

  Always one behind.

• 4:27Mark Normand?

  One behind, yeah.

• 4:28Sam Morril?

  But, uh, you know, it is great and it's like, you know, you're walking around, you're like, money. You're like, oh yeah, money is nothing to people here.

• 4:36Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 4:37Sam Morril?

  It's such a, I hear tourism is down there.

• 4:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:40Sam Morril?

  But, uh, it is one of those things you're walking around, you're like, oh yeah, it's like eight dollars for a fuck. I got like a Liquid IV pack and they're like eight dollars. I'm like, yeah, that makes sense.

• 4:47Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 4:48Sam Morril?

  You're like, sure, why not?

• 4:49Mark Normand?

  You're basically living in an airport. Everything is like three times the price.

• 4:52Sam Morril?

  Not only that, but the Walgreens is basically a liquor store. It's supposed to be like a pharmacy. It's supposed to like have stuff for like health, but it's literally all just like, oh, like Seagram's, fucking Jack.

• 5:02Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 5:02Sam Morril?

  Jim Beam.

• 5:03Mark Normand?

  Well, I did Parks Casino in Ben Salem, PA, not bragging.

• 5:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:08Mark Normand?

  And the guy goes, hey, if you guys want to go to dinner after, let me know. I got you. So I was like, great. So me and my opener went to dinner. I get the bill. It's like 500 bucks. I was like, what the hell? I thought he's, I thought he said, he's like, I made a reservation for you.

• 5:20Sam Morril?

  Gotcha.

• 5:20Mark Normand?

  He got me.

• 5:21Sam Morril?

  He got you.

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  But in Vegas, I actually did have a credit, so that was nice.

• 5:25Sam Morril?

  The credit's nice, although you're also like, you never know how much.

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 5:28Sam Morril?

  I wonder if it's heard in Vegas that casinos are just everywhere now.

• 5:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, of course.

• 5:33Sam Morril?

  It used to be kind of special, like, you know, you go, we'll go to Vegas.

• 5:36Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 5:36Sam Morril?

  Still the bright lights, the strip is still kind of cool. And then you're like Reno is like the fucking, you know, messed up cousin.

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  Sure. I would say casinos everywhere and your phone. You got gambling in your pocket.

• 5:48Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  So sportsbook, you used to be like, oh my God, I could bet on the ponies. I got a UFC fight. I got a football game. And now it's like all draft kicks.

• 5:55Sam Morril?

  You used to have a guy.

• 5:56Mark Normand?

  You used to have a guy.

• 5:57Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna call my guy.

• 5:58Mark Normand?

  Yes, and he would break your leg.

• 6:00Sam Morril?

  That was Sopranos. Wobbistics, you have the, the sportsbook.

• 6:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 6:04Sam Morril?

  Fucking, and now it's like, yeah, I literally, that's how I bet.

• 6:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:08Sam Morril?

  On my phone.

• 6:09Mark Normand?

  Everything, it's like Netflix. It all came to our house. Everything, fucking Uber Eats, it's all at home now. You don't have to go out.

• 6:15Sam Morril?

  And more isolated, you're right.

• 6:16Mark Normand?

  I know. Amazon, you used to have to go get, oh, we're out of, uh, cat food. Now you just boop, boop, boop.

• 6:21Sam Morril?

  You go to a movie now, you feel like you're going to the library. You feel like you're like contributing to the, you know, the culture.

• 6:26Mark Normand?

  I know, and I'll jerk off at either. But yeah, it's true. It's all at the house. It's no wonder kids aren't meeting up.

• 6:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:37Mark Normand?

  But, uh, yeah.

• 6:38Sam Morril?

  But yeah, that's, got through it.

• 6:41Mark Normand?

  Got through it.

• 6:41Sam Morril?

  Flight back, you're like, once you land, you're like, thank God.

• 6:43Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 6:44Sam Morril?

  I can just, I could just crash out, but...

• 6:46Mark Normand?

  That flight's no joke either. You're like, alright, I'll fly back. You're like, ah, five hours and 44 minutes?

• 6:51Sam Morril?

  The flight back's not bad. The flight there, it's like, it's always longer going to the west coast. It's like fucking, it's like five and a half hours. I was like, this is just like LA.

• 6:58Mark Normand?

  I know, but you gain time at least.

• 7:00Sam Morril?

  You gain time.

• 7:01Mark Normand?

  But when you come back, you're like, ah, I lost three hours.

• 7:03Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, you leave at 11 a.m. You're like, you land at like nine and nine. It's crazy.

• 7:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, oh, is she here? Oh boy, well, these people show up early, if you know what I mean. Gotta get parking.

• 7:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I was in Huntsville and Hattiesburg.

• 7:22Sam Morril?

  Damn, alright. Are they, are they close?

• 7:24Mark Normand?

  Not really, about a six hour, five hour drive.

• 7:27Sam Morril?

  You drove?

• 7:28Mark Normand?

  We drove and split it up, slept in Birmingham, then drove three hours the next day.

• 7:32Sam Morril?

  That makes sense. That's the way to do it.

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but boy, these rootin' two-

• 7:35Sam Morril?

  Your agent didn't do you any favors with that rowdy, that's crazy.

• 7:38Mark Normand?

  I know. There's just not much down there. That Alabama, Mississippi, it's, it's tough marketing.

• 7:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  Um, or tough markets. And woof, man, we got heckled, we got-

• 7:48Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 7:49Mark Normand?

  Yee-haw! I was tap dancing up there. My parents came out to the show, it was brutal.

• 7:55Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. It was a long weekend.

• 7:57Sam Morril?

  What, what did they think of the show?

• 7:59Mark Normand?

  Well, my friend, all my, my retard college friends showed up as well, so I told my friend, I was like, "Keep an eye on my parents, let me know what they laugh at. Just keep an eye on them." And he goes, "You got it."

• 8:09Sam Morril?

  Your mom loved the fisting material. Weird.

• 8:13Mark Normand?

  I see him after the show, I go, "So, give it to me, what'd they laugh at?" He goes, "They didn't laugh once, and then I did a Charlie Kirk joke, and my dad, all he said was, 'Oh boy.'" So that was it. That was the only reaction I got out of them, the whole, the whole show, so, good times.

• 8:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, one time I had my therapist, when I did the beacon, my therapist sat behind my mom.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 8:35Sam Morril?

  And I was like, "Give me the scoop."

• 8:37Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 8:37Sam Morril?

  Of course he did. He was like, "Yeah, she did not love, uh, the facial chunk." And I was like, "Well, it was a story."

• 8:43Mark Normand?

  It's a story.

• 8:44Sam Morril?

  Story.

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  Also, therapist behind the mom at your show is like, that's a session in itself. He could learn a lot there.

• 8:51Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  What she laughs at, what she hates, what she likes.

• 8:53Sam Morril?

  How was Hattiesburg?

• 8:56Mark Normand?

  Well, we did Huntsville, that was rough.

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:58Mark Normand?

  And then we did Hattiesburg.

• 8:59Sam Morril?

  Huntsville is the Von Braun.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 9:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, the, uh, the museum there.

• 9:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the Nazi.

• 9:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Mark Normand?

  It's the weirdest mishmash of good old boys, kinda ghetto black, and autistic NASA people.

• 9:13Sam Morril?

  Well, all these great engineers, right?

• 9:14Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 9:15Sam Morril?

  Good cost of living down there.

• 9:17Mark Normand?

  Very cheap.

• 9:17Sam Morril?

  They have a Papa shot at the Von Braun Museum. That's how you know they're like, these people don't like museums.

• 9:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:23Sam Morril?

  Like, throw in a basketball game, motherfucker. Let's get some Pac-Man in here, too.

• 9:27Mark Normand?

  Right. It's like those startups that throw a foosball table in, you're like, this is still a job. What are we doing here?

• 9:33Sam Morril?

  So, yeah, so Huntsville, they came to Huntsville.

• 9:36Mark Normand?

  They came to Hattiesburg, 'cause it's two hours from New Orleans.

• 9:39Sam Morril?

  Where is Hattiesburg?

• 9:40Mark Normand?

  Mississippi.

• 9:40Sam Morril?

  That's right, holy shit. I don't think I've ever performed in Mississippi.

• 9:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 9:44Sam Morril?

  I don't thi- I'd love to, I just haven't done it.

• 9:46Mark Normand?

  Well, I saw George Carlin in Biloxi when I was a kid.

• 9:48Sam Morril?

  I remember this, yeah.

• 9:49Mark Normand?

  And, oh, man, did he get heckled. He fucking yelled at everybody, and I was like, this is so embar- I remember being embarrassed for the South, 'cause I'm a Southerner, so I was like, this is, we got George Carlin here, and he died, like, you know, a little later. Brutal.

• 10:03Mark Normand?

  He was like, "You fucking cunts, I are ba- you toothless, g- g- yokel pieces of shit."

• 10:08Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 10:10Mark Normand?

  And that's the only time I saw him perform.

• 10:12Sam Morril?

  Damn, yeah, I never got to see him.

• 10:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:15Sam Morril?

  Such a legend, man.

• 10:16Mark Normand?

  I know, but, uh, that's how I felt up there.

• 10:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  I wanted to chew out my parents. You're not laughing at shit, you fucking ruined me.

• 10:23Sam Morril?

  Were you getting heckled, or were they just kinda tight?

• 10:25Mark Normand?

  Huntsville heckled like crazy, and then, uh, I think Mississippi, you know, I got-

• 10:30Sam Morril?

  What are they heckling?

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  They're just yelling shit like, "Brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr."

• 10:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:34Mark Normand?

  You know, "Fuck up, hey, you blow me," you know, shit like that. I had to throw one guy out, I mean, it got bad in Huntsville.

• 10:40Sam Morril?

  It's crazy when you have to throw someone out. Like, I was in the Comedy Store in LA, and this lady just wouldn't stop, and I'm pretty nice, like, I don't wanna throw anyone out, 'cause I'm like, ah, you know, they're, they may be that dumb that they don't realize. So, I'm just like, hey, you know, let's, let's try without that, you know, and I was being pretty cool, and afterwards, everyone was like, you were way too nice to that lady. To the point, they just threw her out, they're like, this is cri- but I'm just like, I was like, lady, you know?

• 11:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what do you want me to do?

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  Wouldn't you fuck up like eight bits in a row?

• 11:07Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 11:08Sam Morril?

  Because you're ruining the show for everybody.

• 11:09Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 11:10Sam Morril?

  But, yeah, she was like- Just a pissed drunk older lady.

• 11:15Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  With her friend who, yeah, it's like, come on.

• 11:19Mark Normand?

  That's the thing. So, one guy just wouldn't stop. We had to throw him out. We get a DM later while we're on the highway and they're like, "That guy who wouldn't shut up at the show? He's in a headlock at a bar where the bouncer's like tasing him."

• 11:30Sam Morril?

  That is satisfying.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  It was very sad. He was just blacked out the whole night. So, who are these guys getting blacked out for a comedy show? Like, "Oh, I'm gonna listen to this guy talk about Uber and get trashed."

• 11:40Sam Morril?

  People that don't know how to drink.

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  Cause they're going out. They want a pregame. Like, you remember that age when you're like, "We're gonna pregame." But there's always that one friend who couldn't fucking... The Duck Phillips of the group. The guy who can't handle the fucking booze.

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  But I've been that guy.

• 11:54Sam Morril?

  I've been that guy too, but like, at a certain age, you gotta... It's you, hopefully a young guy.

• 11:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 11:59Sam Morril?

  When I see an older person, I'm like, "You're 57 and you don't know how to drink? You didn't get the science down to this point?

• 12:04Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 12:05Sam Morril?

  There's nothing sadder than that. Cause it's like, you know, when it's a young guy, you're like, "All right, he's still kinda figuring it out."

• 12:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:10Sam Morril?

  When I see a fucking tray of Long Island iced teas, I'm like, "Pick a fucking real spirit like an adult."

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 12:16Sam Morril?

  No real drinker drinks that shit.

• 12:18Mark Normand?

  No, the Shots guy. I'm like, "Dude, it's 4:30. You're doing shots?"

• 12:22Sam Morril?

  But enough about DeRosa. Jesus Christ. The Shots guy at every fucking... I've said this about DeRosa a million times, but he's like, he looks forward to a funeral, so you can't back out. To Charlie.

• 12:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:33Sam Morril?

  But, yeah, the Shots guy, come on. Like, I'm in it for the night.

• 12:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Sam Morril?

  So, I'm trying to pace myself. I like, like...

• 12:40Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 12:41Sam Morril?

  I like going out, just getting fucking sauced in, you know, downtown, but I wanna like, you know...

• 12:46Mark Normand?

  Ride it out a little.

• 12:47Sam Morril?

  Ride it out, have a cocktail, then maybe like a straight whiskey, then maybe a beer, mix it up.

• 12:52Mark Normand?

  And maybe remember it in the morning. You know, you don't wanna wake up with your asshole bleeding on the sidewalk. You're like, "Oh, was that fun? Your wallet's gone, the whole thing."

• 13:00Sam Morril?

  Asshole bleeding on the sidewalk. I'm gonna say no. It wasn't fun. Wasn't a good night.

• 13:04Mark Normand?

  I don't know, Sheen flipped.

• 13:06Sam Morril?

  Dude, did you watch that?

• 13:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I loved it.

• 13:08Sam Morril?

  It's incredible.

• 13:09Mark Normand?

  It's incredible.

• 13:09Sam Morril?

  You know what's amazing about that documentary is the scene where he and his dad beat Michael Jordan?

• 13:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:15Sam Morril?

  Two on one.

• 13:15Mark Normand?

  How crazy is that?

• 13:16Sam Morril?

  And you're like, "Dude, if you were doing crack with Charlie Sheen and he told you that story, you'd be like, 'Shut the fuck up.'" "But they have the footage."

• 13:24Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 13:24Sam Morril?

  Like, dude, you're like, "Yeah, dude, you beat Michael Jordan with Martin Sheen."

• 13:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:29Sam Morril?

  Smoke some more of this shit.

• 13:30Mark Normand?

  Right. Yeah. The fucking... Martin Sheen deserves a Medal of Honor.

• 13:36Sam Morril?

  Until, except for the fact that they were doing nudity in the house.

• 13:39Mark Normand?

  Eh, I'll let it slide.

• 13:40Sam Morril?

  Dude, I, I think.

• 13:41Mark Normand?

  My dad did that.

• 13:42Sam Morril?

  Your dad did that?

• 13:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, he would sleep nude.

• 13:45Sam Morril?

  That's different. Walk, I don't wanna go in the kitchen and see my dad's hog.

• 13:49Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 13:49Sam Morril?

  If I'm going in for cantaloupe, I don't wanna see a fucking cucumber, you know what I mean? No, it's fucking disgusting. I, I, I think parents that practice nudity, it is like a, just under child abuse to me.

• 14:00Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 14:00Sam Morril?

  It's fucking weird.

• 14:01Mark Normand?

  It's definitely scarring.

• 14:02Sam Morril?

  You shouldn't have to see your parents naked.

• 14:04Mark Normand?

  I could pick my dad's cock out of a lineup in a second.

• 14:07Sam Morril?

  I could too, which is weird, but uh...

• 14:09Mark Normand?

  Crazy balls on him, too. But Charlie Sheen's got like a, a horseshoe up, he's, he's got like a magic to him, like he hit that homerun right outside of rehab.

• 14:18Sam Morril?

  I know, I love his friends like, "It was like a movie." I'm like, "What movie? What movie? A guy just comes out of rehab and hits a homerun in a meaningless game?" And you're like, "And scene."

• 14:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, but then the, the big, uh, drug dealer fat guy was like, "I've never seen a guy do that much crack in my life, he should be dead, that was insane." So he's got something.

• 14:35Sam Morril?

  Not only that, but, uh, he fucking, the guy's like bragging that he weaned him off the drugs.

• 14:41Mark Normand?

  Ohhh.

• 14:42Sam Morril?

  So you just took his money and sold him shitty or diluted drugs.

• 14:46Mark Normand?

  I didn't even think about that.

• 14:46Sam Morril?

  And he took the same money and he acted like a hero, meanwhile this guy's living in a nice home, and he clearly only had one client.

• 14:53Sam Morril?

  Charlie Sheen bought you that fucking home.

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true, but he got him off, so eh, that was the only way to do it.

• 14:59Sam Morril?

  I mean, look, it is good that he's still alive, but holy shit, like those lives, like, tho- those nights.

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 15:06Sam Morril?

  Must've been, him and Nicolas Cage must've been quite the duo, too.

• 15:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but just him on the tee, when he's doing the tee and he's working out, showing his ass, I mean, it was a psycho shit.

• 15:15Sam Morril?

  It's like crazy to see a guy who's that drugged up and you're like, "He's got a better body than me."

• 15:18Mark Normand?

  I know, he looked amazing.

• 15:20Sam Morril?

  This guy's ripped.

• 15:21Mark Normand?

  And how about Denise Richards, walking in on the hookers and she's like, "I'll make sandwiches."

• 15:26Sam Morril?

  She's a saint.

• 15:26Mark Normand?

  She's a saint!

• 15:27Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, and I had the biggest crush on her growing up. I thought she was like the hottest woman ever.

• 15:31Mark Normand?

  So cute.

• 15:32Sam Morril?

  Wild things.

• 15:33Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, great body.

• 15:34Sam Morril?

  Starship troopers.

• 15:35Mark Normand?

  Look at that, my god.

• 15:36Sam Morril?

  So beautiful, for some reason though, like, she has like an accent now, did you notice that?

• 15:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she got a little white trashy.

• 15:42Sam Morril?

  She got a little Italian.

• 15:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, that's true, but she made sandwiches for a hooker, I'll marry her.

• 15:47Sam Morril?

  Dude, that was insane. I was like, how bad must you feel, uh, cause like think about how much we feel like shit after like coming off, you know, a hangover? And we don't even do bad shit, you just feel shame.

• 15:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:58Sam Morril?

  That you're this age and you, you do this to your body. Think about the shame come down. Your wife shows up, man, that scene, she was fucking hot, Jesus.

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  Burned into my brain.

• 16:08Sam Morril?

  But that shame come down where you're like, she's making the women I just banged sandwiches.

• 16:13Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 16:13Sam Morril?

  She's that cool and I blew it.

• 16:15Mark Normand?

  I blew it, yeah, and that hot, and that young, amazing. And then, then she had the nerve to be like, they weren't great sandwiches, okay? I'm like, you're fine!

• 16:25Sam Morril?

  I need to find a woman like this.

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  You're off the hook. You think the hookers are like PB and J? Come on, get it together.

• 16:31Sam Morril?

  Hellman's, fuck you!

• 16:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Jesus. So, yeah, did she ever get naked in a movie?

• 16:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Wild Things, dude.

• 16:39Mark Normand?

  Well, pull that up, I can't.

• 16:40Sam Morril?

  Wild Things, what else?

• 16:41Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 16:43Sam Morril?

  She's naked in other stuff too, I think.

• 16:45Mark Normand?

  So much hotter than Neve Campbell, who's also not bad.

• 16:47Sam Morril?

  Neve Campbell's hot too, though, dude.

• 16:49Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 16:50Sam Morril?

  She just wasn't as hot in that movie. They made her look weird in that movie, but dude, she's super hot in like, Scream and all that.

• 16:55Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true. Oh my god, are those real?

• 16:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 17:00Mark Normand?

  It's gotta be weird to be Charlie Sheen and see that Matt Dillon scene.

• 17:04Sam Morril?

  Well, they weren't together yet at that point, were they?

• 17:06Mark Normand?

  Probably not.

• 17:07Sam Morril?

  Probably not.

• 17:08Mark Normand?

  Poo.

• 17:09Sam Morril?

  But it's weird to be with someone and there's just footage of that. It's like, we all can imagine our ex fucking someone else.

• 17:15Mark Normand?

  Sure, that's all I think about.

• 17:18Sam Morril?

  But rarely do we have the footage.

• 17:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. What's that?

• 17:24Sam Morril?

  Not really.

• 17:25Mark Normand?

  What?

• 17:26Sam Morril?

  No, that was like a PG-13 movie, yeah, but it's like that, it's not... We sound like real fucking losers right now. Like, technically it wasn't nudity.

• 17:34Mark Normand?

  Sam intern for Mr. Skin.

• 17:38Mark Normand?

  In 98.

• 17:38Sam Morril?

  Undercover Brother, kind of underrated.

• 17:40Mark Normand?

  Sure, good movie.

• 17:41Sam Morril?

  Funny ass movie, Eddie Griffin, Chappelle.

• 17:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:45Sam Morril?

  Neil Patrick Harris.

• 17:46Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 17:46Sam Morril?

  That's a low-key funny movie.

• 17:48Mark Normand?

  By the way, Mr. Skin, he's like a horse saddle maker, you know? He's like, man, back in my day, I made a lot of money and then I got, you know, technology came in and pushed me out. Oh!

• 17:59Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 18:00Mark Normand?

  Wow, that looked like my dick.

• 18:02Sam Morril?

  Jeez, yeah, look at the champagne on the titties.

• 18:05Mark Normand?

  Oh my god, alright, alright.

• 18:07Sam Morril?

  You can only really do that in a hotel room, you don't wanna make a mess of your own home.

• 18:10Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 18:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that movie, if we watch Wild Things, it doesn't make a ton of sense. It's a, kinda just a fun, trashy one. Bill Murray?

• 18:18Mark Normand?

  Bill Murray's randomly in it, and Lee Harrell's.

• 18:20Sam Morril?

  It is weird to mix your jacking off and then like a comedian shows up.

• 18:24Sam Morril?

  I didn't sign up for this.

• 18:25Mark Normand?

  Right. Not Woody Harrelson, um, Kevin Bacon.

• 18:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you see a little Kevin Bacon hog in that.

• 18:31Mark Normand?

  Decent hog on Bacon.

• 18:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, not bad for Kira Sedgwick. Well done.

• 18:35Sam Morril?

  Good job. Can we get, can we get Kevin Bacon on here? I feel like that guy's got stories and he feels like it'd be a fun hang.

• 18:40Mark Normand?

  He said he'd come on, but he's on tour with his band.

• 18:43Sam Morril?

  I love that.

• 18:43Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 18:46Sam Morril?

  Everyone's got a band.

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  I know. Dog star. That's Keanu.

• 18:51Sam Morril?

  Man, I love, uh, yeah, I would love to get Kevin Bacon on here.

• 18:55Mark Normand?

  Love Kevin Bacon.

• 18:56Sam Morril?

  What a career. What a career.

• 18:58Mark Normand?

  Cut loose. Kick off your Sunday shoes. Yeah, he's a, he's six degrees.

• 19:05Mark Normand?

  Of Kevin Bacon.

• 19:05Sam Morril?

  I wonder if there's like a new guy that is now, cause that was like, that was, I feel like that was like a long time.

• 19:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. We need a new six degree.

• 19:13Sam Morril?

  Probably gonna be Pedro Pascal. Jude Law. I feel like he's in something with everyone.

• 19:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sure.

• 19:19Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 19:19Mark Normand?

  There he is. Boy, oh, boy.

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  Why is he in the band with, uh, Bill from Bill and Ted? Oh, got it.

• 19:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude. No, that Sheen thing was, it was, it was stressing me out. It stresses me out to see someone do that to themself, even though you know that he's alive.

• 19:38Mark Normand?

  He pulled it off.

• 19:39Sam Morril?

  It's also crazy that, that part where he goes, "I was relieved it was HIV."

• 19:43Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 19:44Sam Morril?

  Cause, cause he was doing that much damage to his body that he just assumed it was like cancer or something. And he's like, "People can live on HIV." And I'm like, "That, it's so fucked up to be grateful that it's that."

• 19:53Mark Normand?

  I know. Also, people are suing him, cause they're like, "You fucked me without a condom, you piece of shit." And we still like him. Like, can you imagine giving someone HIV? We're like, "Yeah, but he's awesome."

• 20:03Sam Morril?

  They omit it a lot.

• 20:04Mark Normand?

  They omit it a lot.

• 20:05Sam Morril?

  And, and, uh, I mean, he's laughing, he's surviving. It's also crazy talking about just like getting blown by this woman while smoking crack your first time.

• 20:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Sam Morril?

  And then he's like, "She died." And you're like, "That's fucking crazy." Like, it's just like a casual thing. It's like, "Yeah, you hate to see that." I'm like, "Yeah, dude."

• 20:22Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 20:23Sam Morril?

  What the fuck?

• 20:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:24Sam Morril?

  That's drug addict stories right there.

• 20:27Mark Normand?

  Totally. He's just so damn charming.

• 20:29Sam Morril?

  He is charming.

• 20:30Mark Normand?

  He's so charming.

• 20:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, just when you wanna get mad at him, you're like, "Hot shot Spud Dukes, pretty good."

• 20:35Mark Normand?

  Pretty good, yeah. And then he would walk on the set of, uh, Two and a Half Men and they were all like, "Oh, here comes, uh, coke head, crack head Charlie." And he's like, "Hey, I brought doughnuts." And I'm like, "He's all right. We like him."

• 20:46Sam Morril?

  He would fucking, yeah, cause you hear John Cryer talking about him, like, you know, he- Look, people have many sides to them.

• 20:53Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 20:54Sam Morril?

  But, uh, I would be pretty fucking annoyed if my livelihood depended on a dude who is that fucking damaged.

• 21:01Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 21:02Sam Morril?

  It's also, his dad and brother don't wanna be in the doc.

• 21:05Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 21:06Sam Morril?

  That does say, they're like, "We've, we've had enough."

• 21:08Mark Normand?

  And how about the wedding speech at the second wedding with his dad? He goes, "Hope you know what you're doing."

• 21:12Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 21:12Mark Normand?

  Wedding toast.

• 21:13Sam Morril?

  I bet it got a huge laugh.

• 21:14Mark Normand?

  I'm sure it did, yeah.

• 21:16Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 21:17Mark Normand?

  That woman was nutty. You could, you could see it in her eyes.

• 21:19Sam Morril?

  Well, she's a drug addict.

• 21:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:20Sam Morril?

  I mean.

• 21:21Mark Normand?

  She looked rough.

• 21:22Sam Morril?

  You could see, I mean, she, I mean, those old pictures are holy shit.

• 21:25Mark Normand?

  Beautiful lady, but you could just tell, even from the, the footage on the, the interview, you're like, "This gal's off."

• 21:30Sam Morril?

  You don't get out of a relationship with Charlie unscathed.

• 21:32Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 21:34Sam Morril?

  You leave and, you know.

• 21:35Mark Normand?

  I remember he was sober for years and he found her doing coke in a bathroom and he goes, "Let me show you how to not waste it," or he said something like that, and then they, he was back on the wagon. Something, some cheesy line.

• 21:49Sam Morril?

  We gotta pick women who aren't doing.

• 21:51Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 21:52Sam Morril?

  That's, all the story, he tells a story where he, he goes to like, he's like, "Me and C. Thomas Howell are both dating this woman." I'm like, "All right." Like fucking hilarious, there's always like a connection of someone from the eighties.

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 22:02Sam Morril?

  Me and Rob Lowe are both banging this chick.

• 22:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:05Sam Morril?

  He shows up and, uh, she's at like a scary dealer's place.

• 22:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:10Sam Morril?

  He goes and gets a gun out of his trunk. I'm like, "This isn't a fucking movie, dude."

• 22:13Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, but that's she and he pulled everything off.

• 22:17Sam Morril?

  He, he did stick to landing minus the HIV.

• 22:19Mark Normand?

  And he, he was so charming that they would be like, "What about the HIV?" "Ah, I got through that." "What about when they said you raped Corey Haim?" He's like, "Pfft, silly. What else you got?" Like, he just kept, he was slipping it like.

• 22:30Sam Morril?

  Did you rape Corey Haim?

• 22:31Mark Normand?

  That was a big rumor. And, uh.

• 22:33Sam Morril?

  Jesus.

• 22:33Mark Normand?

  He was slipping it like Bush with the shoe.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  Remember the shoe?

• 22:38Sam Morril?

  He bobbing weed?

• 22:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:40Sam Morril?

  Charlie Sheen, man, what a fucking life.

• 22:42Mark Normand?

  What a life and he ain't done yet.

• 22:46Mark Normand?

  There you go, it was a big loss.

• 22:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I hope he gets a good cool role, but that, yeah, they did gloss over the fact that he probably gave some women HIV.

• 22:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Man, what a badass.

• 22:58Sam Morril?

  What does he do now? Like, how do you, how do you, can you fuck people when you have HIV, or do you?

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 23:05Sam Morril?

  You're so competent.

• 23:05Mark Normand?

  Pretty sure, yeah.

• 23:06Sam Morril?

  Well, what's it, can we look that up? I don't know how that, how that works.

• 23:10Mark Normand?

  He just did Bill Maher, and Bill Maher's like, "So you fucked a couple of guys," and he was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, no penetration."

• 23:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, I heard that. I loved his line about like, you've done everything on the menu, at some point you turn the menu.

• 23:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was great.

• 23:23Sam Morril?

  That guy has lived nine lives.

• 23:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 23:28Sam Morril?

  Condoms? So you can't?

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  That sucks.

• 23:30Sam Morril?

  And this is gonna sound naive, but like, you can't transmit it through like, making out or oral sex?

• 23:39Mark Normand?

  Breast milk, whoa.

• 23:42Sam Morril?

  So wait, bodily fluids, blood, semen, yeah, so like, why needles can do it?

• 23:45Mark Normand?

  But bodily fluid could be a make-out.

• 23:47Sam Morril?

  That's what I'm saying. I'm, are we naive here? I don't know.

• 23:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:51Sam Morril?

  Also...

• 23:51Mark Normand?

  What's the difference between HIV and AIDS, by the way?

• 23:54Sam Morril?

  Well, AIDS is full-blown, right? HIV is, I think, treatable.

• 23:58Mark Normand?

  Ah. Okay.

• 24:04Mark Normand?

  There we go, give me a, give me a full-on...

• 24:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, AIDS is the most advanced, it's like, before...

• 24:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, got it.

• 24:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Mark Normand?

  So it's like, remission with cancer?

• 24:17Sam Morril?

  No, not remission is, you're good. HIV, you still have it.

• 24:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought it was in remission, like, you have it, but it's like...

• 24:25Sam Morril?

  I think in remission means that it's like, you're on your way back.

• 24:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, great, okay. All right.

• 24:33Mark Normand?

  By the way, you ever thought about getting your prostate checked?

• 24:36Sam Morril?

  By a doctor and not a woman? Yes.

• 24:39Mark Normand?

  Milk it. Well, I got a, I used to, I could hold my piss in, cause I was a bedwetter, so I learned how to hold my pee in for like hours. And now, when I gotta pee, I gotta pee.

• 24:47Sam Morril?

  Dude, I think, when I was in Vegas, I think I woke up every hour for like, I slept for like 12 hours that night, cause I was just trying to shake it.

• 24:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:55Sam Morril?

  So I got in the day early, I'm like, let me just fucking try to sleep it off. I woke up every fucking hour to piss.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  That's insane.

• 25:02Sam Morril?

  That's also, I think, part of just being sick and your body's trying to shed shit.

• 25:05Mark Normand?

  You're drinking fluids.

• 25:06Sam Morril?

  But I was like, god damn, this sucks.

• 25:08Mark Normand?

  That's a lot.

• 25:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I, we're getting older, man.

• 25:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I remember Mulaney had that old bit where he, he called, he wanted to get free pills, so he called the doctor and he said, uh, I'm peeing a lot. And the doc said, how many times a day? And he tried to say a crazy number to get the pills, but not too crazy. So he said 11, and the doctor was like, oh, that's insane, you gotta come in.

• 25:28Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 25:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I just remember that from the joke.

• 25:30Sam Morril?

  Is 11 crazy?

• 25:32Mark Normand?

  Apparently.

• 25:33Sam Morril?

  I feel like I pee easily 11, don't you?

• 25:37Mark Normand?

  I don't know, I think maybe like 7?

• 25:41Mark Normand?

  4 to 10 is normal, okay.

• 25:42Sam Morril?

  Okay, so 11's not crazy.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 25:47Mark Normand?

  Health condition.

• 25:47Sam Morril?

  I drink a lot of water, too, though.

• 25:49Mark Normand?

  Mmm, and we drink booze.

• 25:51Sam Morril?

  And we drink booze, and coffee.

• 25:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:53Sam Morril?

  Anyone that's a diuretic, yeah, I mean.

• 25:57Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 25:57Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, call in if you know, cause uh.

• 26:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we should get a doctor on here at some point.

• 26:02Mark Normand?

  We should get a doctor.

• 26:05Sam Morril?

  Is he a real doctor?

• 26:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 26:07Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 26:08Mark Normand?

  I would have Drew on.

• 26:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that'd be cool.

• 26:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we could just use him to get, you know, evaluated. Like, what's this on my dick? Is this too much piss? Is my dick too small?

• 26:18Sam Morril?

  Can you write us a prescription?

• 26:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, can you get me Xanax?

• 26:22Sam Morril?

  God, I'll tell you, I, prescriptions, man, it's fucking, it's a racket, man. They're out of shit.

• 26:28Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 26:29Sam Morril?

  And then you call a CVS and they're just like, you're not getting them on the phone.

• 26:33Mark Normand?

  No.

• 26:33Sam Morril?

  You gotta go in person, you gotta, you gotta do these mom and pop pharmacies.

• 26:37Mark Normand?

  I guess so, yeah.

• 26:38Sam Morril?

  But then they're like, they're like, we don't have that, and you're like, fuck.

• 26:41Mark Normand?

  Right, right, yeah, they're like priests, where they just send you to another place.

• 26:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:45Mark Normand?

  Go to this CVS, they might have it in, in the Bronx, you're like, god damn.

• 26:49Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god, I know, you gotta go on a fucking adventure, the new Harold and Kumo is gonna be just us trying to get Adderall.

• 26:54Mark Normand?

  Well, my friend has an app on his phone.

• 26:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:57Mark Normand?

  Called something, something, and you just go, hey, I got a UTI, and they go, okay, we'll send you this in the mail, it'll be there in two days.

• 27:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you can't do that for controlled substances.

• 27:07Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 27:09Sam Morril?

  And that's the good stuff.

• 27:10Mark Normand?

  That's true. Like, so you can't do antibiotics or something?

• 27:14Sam Morril?

  I don't know about antibi- no, probably antibiotics you could do, maybe? Antibiotics that you should be able to get easily. But then, if it's like, you know, like muscle relaxer.

• 27:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:26Sam Morril?

  Or like Adderall or something like that.

• 27:28Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 27:28Sam Morril?

  Something that could be abused.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, this is like a gonorrhea scare or something. You hit the app.

• 27:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Take control of cold sores. What a sad fucking.

• 27:37Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 27:39Sam Morril?

  You have one, you're like, "I'm in control now."

• 27:43Sam Morril?

  Damn it, dude.

• 27:45Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, should you urinate? And then we- and I could use a cocktail.

• 27:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, let's do a drink.

• 27:50Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 27:51Sam Morril?

  Let's take a break and we'll be back with our guest.

• 27:52Mark Normand?

  Quick break.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  ... to be a big deal is that not that much that the city's trying to show is that we are keeping dreams and dreams and dreams first to be a real person, but they're being embarrassed. This is already a sporadic picture of life, because it's the biggest thing that's happened since the first time since when things may be, they always want us to be, we have to have the courage to be strong, we have to be honest, we think that if we can, we have to be able to make it, please, we can do it, we can do it, we can do it, but they're making us a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem,

• 29:57Speaker 02

  it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem,

• 30:38Speaker 02

  it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem,

• 31:15Mark Normand?

  Hey folks, we're here with Fiona, everybody.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem,

• 31:18Mark Normand?

  Out of the chair, on the couch.

• 31:20Sam Morril?

  Good to see you again. We met at Kill Tony.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem, it's a problem,

• 31:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:23Sam Morril?

  You killed it, that was awesome.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 31:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  I fucking, I met you before Kill Tony.

• 31:29Mark Normand?

  We met in the back of like an upholstery store.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  Doing a Don't Tell in Chattanooga?

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Knoxville.

• 31:35Mark Normand?

  Knoxville.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  Close.

• 31:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:37Sam Morril?

  Knoxville.

• 31:38Mark Normand?

  And you were, you were, uh, just a comic.

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:42Mark Normand?

  You know, and I was like, who's this?

• 31:43Speaker 03

  I was just a fucking welfare guy.

• 31:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:48Sam Morril?

  Knoxville's kind of an underrated comedy city.

• 31:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  They don't have a club, so if you're not doing theaters, did they?

• 31:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, SideSplitters was there back in the day.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  Oh shit.

• 31:57Sam Morril?

  But, uh, it closed down. But yeah, there's a theater there that's like gorgeous. It's like one of the best.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  I think Dusty Slay did a thing there.

• 32:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  Oh hell yeah.

• 32:05Mark Normand?

  Tennessee's good for comedy all around. Well, Memphis is a tough, tough market.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:09Sam Morril?

  It's hard to sell tickets, but the people that come out are good.

• 32:11Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 32:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 32:12Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 32:13Sam Morril?

  But you're from, you're from Texas originally?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  No, I'm from Nashville.

• 32:17Sam Morril?

  From Nashville.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  Like Franklin.

• 32:19Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 32:19Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 32:20Mark Normand?

  You're...

• 32:21Sam Morril?

  So you're a Tennessee gal?

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, how y'all doing?

• 32:26Mark Normand?

  Well, it seems like everyone in Tennessee is not from there now.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  I know, yeah. It's true. I just can't get far. I keep running out of battery, I've been on my drive, so...

• 32:38Mark Normand?

  You ever think about going Amish?

• 32:41Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 32:43Speaker 03

  Would you say that? I'm so sorry, I'm not good at that.

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  So we're doing vodka sodas with lime. This is your drink?

• 32:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:49Sam Morril?

  I like it.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  Skinny girl drink, I like it.

• 32:52Sam Morril?

  I like it too.

• 32:53Mark Normand?

  Best, uh, best hangover.

• 32:55Sam Morril?

  Cheers, folks, cheers.

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  Or at least hangover.

• 32:56Sam Morril?

  Coming to you.

• 32:58Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 32:59Mark Normand?

  You want a straw?

• 33:00Speaker 03

  I would love a straw.

• 33:01Mark Normand?

  Do you have a straw? Thank you.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  I have an old one.

• 33:05Mark Normand?

  An old one? For the blow?

• 33:08Speaker 03

  It's real short, but it'll work, yeah.

• 33:11Mark Normand?

  I've heard that before.

• 33:16Sam Morril?

  So, uh...

• 33:16Mark Normand?

  He's trying bodega for the first time.

• 33:18Sam Morril?

  Oh, what do you think? Thank you.

• 33:20Mark Normand?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  Is that bourbon or what?

• 33:23Mark Normand?

  Rye.

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  We'll give you a bottle if we have an, I'm sure we have an extra bottle.

• 33:26Mark Normand?

  We're trying, we're trying to get it there. We're trying to get it everywhere.

• 33:32Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Again, dude.

• 33:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, hard to break. A lot of red tape. It's all mob run.

• 33:37Sam Morril?

  It's weird like the states, the rules the states have where you're like, you know, if you can get a gun easily, porn's gonna be a problem.

• 33:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:44Sam Morril?

  You know, like, you know, abortion's gonna be a problem.

• 33:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:46Sam Morril?

  You don't, you never get full freedom in a state.

• 33:48Mark Normand?

  No.

• 33:49Speaker 03

  It's funny when abortion's a problem, but you can get guns easy.

• 33:53Mark Normand?

  Right. We'll kill you later.

• 33:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:55Mark Normand?

  Not let it kill you early.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Just let him kill you.

• 34:00Sam Morril?

  There we go. Give her the big one. Look at that.

• 34:02Speaker 03

  Oh, thank God. That's fancy.

• 34:05Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 34:05Mark Normand?

  What is that? Is that like a heroin tie? What is that thing?

• 34:08Sam Morril?

  We got it from the set of Trainspotting.

• 34:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah. There you go.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  What if it like?

• 34:13Sam Morril?

  Love it.

• 34:14Mark Normand?

  Is that gonna be low, high enough?

• 34:16Speaker 03

  I'm gonna struggle for a minute and then I'll drink it down and it'll be fine.

• 34:20Sam Morril?

  Also, you could hold it, you'd be a gentleman and hold it up for her.

• 34:23Mark Normand?

  I guess, but.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  That is.

• 34:25Mark Normand?

  This, this feels like I'm enabling.

• 34:29Mark Normand?

  Good sip, good sip.

• 34:31Sam Morril?

  Sweet.

• 34:32Mark Normand?

  All right. Now, how do you know when you're trashed? You sound the same.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm, I losey.

• 34:42Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  I let other people tell me, you know?

• 34:46Mark Normand?

  There you go. So my, my parents, I saw my parents this weekend.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 34:49Mark Normand?

  And they're getting old and their driving is a little scary with them. So they drove all the way to see me, two hours, and I said, I'm driving back. And my dad was like, yeah, but you had a couple cocktails. I saw it. And I said, me drunk is still safer than you driving on the road. And we got to this big.

• 35:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you can't tell that to a cop.

• 35:07Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true.

• 35:08Sam Morril?

  Old beats drunk to a cop.

• 35:11Mark Normand?

  You mean drunk beats old?

• 35:13Sam Morril?

  No, to a cop, you can't be drunk.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  Old me, yeah.

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, I see. Well, I still say, me and my dad did a, if I got four cocktails deep, I could drive better than my dad.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Dude, I just, uh, added Matt to my car insurance.

• 35:29Mark Normand?

  The hubby?

• 35:29Speaker 03

  And it went down.

• 35:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, cause he's a guy?

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he like walks and stuff.

• 35:35Mark Normand?

  That's fun. Can't really call sexism when we got the numbers on our side.

• 35:41Sam Morril?

  How does, uh, how does the driving work with you?

• 35:43Speaker 03

  I have hand controls, so it's a lot like driving a boat.

• 35:48Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:49Sam Morril?

  I need, I might need that. I'm a fucking bad driver.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  It's real nice. See, I'm my like, I'm not paralyzed, uh, you know? But like, the issue is all my proprioceptive nerves are dead or dying and what that is, is like, when you're driving, I can't see my feet. And if I can't see them, I don't know where they are. It's crazy. So I'm like, I used to drive with my feet in a flashlight and like look for the brake.

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Wow. So is that what they look like? Those little levers and pulleys?

• 36:25Speaker 03

  Um, more or less. It's

• 36:27Mark Normand?

  Or is it more flippers on the wheel?

• 36:29Speaker 03

  It's literally like, uh, like this fourth photo is what I have.

• 36:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool. I wonder if Brad Williams does that? Cause I don't think he can reach the, the accelerator.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  They do extended pedals for, I don't know about all disabilities. This sounds crazy. I'm sorry.

• 36:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I didn't mean to treat you like ass jeeves for this shit.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  If you get three questions right, I'll give you a handicap parking pass.

• 36:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 36:57Sam Morril?

  You could use that. How do you feel about someone, if you're like going to a movie theater and someone's like taking the handicap seat? What do you, what's the?

• 37:04Speaker 03

  I don't really go to movies anymore.

• 37:08Sam Morril?

  They did it this weekend.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  I do get weird about parking spots. That pisses me off.

• 37:17Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 37:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  And then the handicap stall.

• 37:20Sam Morril?

  That's a big one.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, like when there's no other ones open, go ahead. But if the rest are open and you choose that one, I'm gonna sit out there and wait for you.

• 37:32Sam Morril?

  It's a dick move.

• 37:33Mark Normand?

  Make you feel bad.

• 37:33Sam Morril?

  Stare at them.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's real fun.

• 37:36Sam Morril?

  You're ruining their day.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Dude, I did that on the road, I was driving back from like Rhode Island or something. And I'm at a gas station and lady's doing this, I'm sitting outside the stall. She opens it, oh my god, my mom was in a wheelchair and I was like, cool, get out of my way please.

• 37:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  And she tried to follow me into the stall, cause she was like, I'll help you. And I'm like, you're gonna wipe my ass? Like, what are we doing?

• 38:06Mark Normand?

  Overcompensating. She felt bad. Damn, you should have made her wipe your ass, fuck it.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  That's a good point.

• 38:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, wow. I, I did have a handicap pass in a high school, we stole one. Uh, so, sorry. But I was a kid.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, would you do it now?

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  Sure. Well, if I saw you pull up, I would, I would get out.

• 38:29Sam Morril?

  Anthony DeVito, when he used to drive us to road gigs, had the handicap thing in his car, remember that?

• 38:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:35Sam Morril?

  Except for his mom.

• 38:36Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 38:36Sam Morril?

  And, uh, he used it.

• 38:38Mark Normand?

  You gotta use it.

• 38:39Sam Morril?

  He did use it.

• 38:40Mark Normand?

  Now, some people are like, I'm dyslexic, so they have a handicap pass.

• 38:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's, there's no, there's no like degrees, which is kinda crazy.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  No, that's the weirdest part. I thought like getting a handicap pass is like the last step of like diagnosis or whatever the fuck. I got diagnosed at eighteen and I kinda, I got gaslit, but I was grounded for faking it, it was all.

• 39:04Sam Morril?

  What? Your parents didn't believe you?

• 39:06Speaker 03

  My, yeah. My sister had health issues, so they were like, you just wanna be like her.

• 39:13Speaker 03

  So I had to take myself to all these doctor's appointments. I was doing it secretly because my mom wouldn't help me and I was 18.

• 39:21Mark Normand?

  What?

• 39:22Sam Morril?

  Do they feel horrible now?

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Oh my, well my, I don't talk to my dad, but like my mom feels real bad.

• 39:29Sam Morril?

  What happened with your dad?

• 39:30Speaker 03

  Um, kind of classic bad dad.

• 39:35Mark Normand?

  Deadbeat?

• 39:35Speaker 03

  He didn't like beat us, it wasn't like that, he just didn't care.

• 39:40Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 39:40Speaker 03

  You know?

• 39:41Mark Normand?

  Neglect.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's very funny though.

• 39:44Mark Normand?

  Ah, bad people are funny.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 39:47Mark Normand?

  Look at Cosby.

• 39:50Mark Normand?

  Great comic. That was a real honk.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  He was like, you need to drink.

• 39:54Sam Morril?

  That was the most Cosby thing I ever do, here, drink up. Have some more.

• 39:59Mark Normand?

  He looked thirsty.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  God, a roofie would be wasted on me.

• 40:05Sam Morril?

  They're gonna take one out, they're like, eh, never mind.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  She is God's roofie. Um, sorry. No, but I go in, I still not diagnosed with anything. I go into the neurologist, I just walk in, but I'm wobbly.

• 40:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  And they immediately handed me a handicap parking pass and I was like, what? And it said permanently disabled on it and that like, I was like, we don't know.

• 40:39Mark Normand?

  Damn, so you think if you like hit it big and became like this giant, huge, rich and famous comedian, your dad would come crawling back?

• 40:48Mark Normand?

  Or is he that out there that he's like, ah, fuck it?

• 40:51Speaker 03

  I honestly, I thought like Kill Tony, like he'll break it out.

• 40:56Sam Morril?

  You think he's seen it?

• 40:58Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, well my sister still talks to him.

• 41:01Mark Normand?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 41:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's the oldest, so there's like that like.

• 41:07Sam Morril?

  First child.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  I need, you know.

• 41:09Sam Morril?

  Right. I remember when I did Last Comic Standing back in the day, I had to get, you used to have to get people's permissions if you were gonna make fun of them, remember that? If it was family or something like that, or if you used their name, I forgot how. Oh, yeah. But I had to, for whatever reason, I had to get my biological dad's signature to make fun of him. Whoa. I met up with him, I was like, will you just sign this?

• 41:31Speaker 03

  And you don't talk to him?

• 41:32Sam Morril?

  We didn't talk. And. That's crazy. And he was like, he had like a mental breakdown at that point, so he would like look at the contract and be like, no, no, no. And I was like, come on! Wow. He was like, I couldn't tell if he was faking it or not. But he would just keep getting close to it and then go, no. I was like, you fucking cock tease. I lost it. I was like, fuck you. I just walked out. Yeah. Did different jokes. You didn't forge it? No. I didn't, I didn't. You didn't wanna. I didn't wanna deal with it. Give him ammo, yeah. Damn, that's crazy. I remember that, that whole signing thing. They made me. It was some weird NBC shit. Yeah. God, NBC's the worst.

• 42:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they really are. So, that's crazy though that he, so, but you're still close with your mom and you're close with your sister?

• 42:18Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. And my little brother.

• 42:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, big fam you got here.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm the middle.

• 42:24Sam Morril?

  Your little brother must think it's pretty cool that you're crushing it.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. He's a musician, actually, so he's like, I don't know, all of this is very exciting for him. And he's young. And I remember, okay, so I'm 29. My brother is 24. And he said me, he came to one of my shows and was like, it's really cool, cause you're like, so old, but like, Gen Z, still thinks you're funny. And I was like, what the fuck?

• 42:57Sam Morril?

  You're not old.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  I'm not. I'm like a baby.

• 43:00Sam Morril?

  I think you might be our youngest guest.

• 43:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:03Sam Morril?

  Who the hell is younger than this?

• 43:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. Is that your bro?

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. That's my, uh, yeah, that's my brother.

• 43:13Mark Normand?

  That's fun.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  The one above is my old family with my stepdad, Randy.

• 43:20Mark Normand?

  Uh, the good dad.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's the dad that stepped up.

• 43:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:26Sam Morril?

  I remember, I remember seeing you at Kill Tony. I think it was the only time I was on Kill Tony and I, and she comes out, killer jokes.

• 43:32Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:33Sam Morril?

  And then the interview part, she killed it too. Hilarious off the cuff too.

• 43:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:37Sam Morril?

  She just killed it. It was awesome.

• 43:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you killed it at the, uh, Don't Tell I Saw.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 43:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was refreshing because it's like, you know, it's such a weird, I mean, we just came up so differently. I mean, we did those kind of shows where you're like, fuck, I'm nervous, but you're not, like, that show is massive.

• 43:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 43:54Sam Morril?

  So you're, you know, fairly new to comedy. I don't know how long you've been doing it.

• 43:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:57Sam Morril?

  How long you been?

• 43:58Speaker 03

  October is five years.

• 44:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:00Sam Morril?

  It's pretty new.

• 44:01Mark Normand?

  It's new.

• 44:01Sam Morril?

  And it's like, this massive audience. I remember having those audition sets.

• 44:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, completely.

• 44:07Sam Morril?

  But you just like crushed it. And I assume you've been on it, uh, you know, a couple times before?

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Like ten, ten times. Well, before, you were my...

• 44:17Sam Morril?

  Was your second time?

• 44:18Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 44:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you killed it. It was, it was, it was, it felt good to see, you know, someone do so well.

• 44:24Speaker 03

  That means so much. It's, it is weird though, because like, it is a room of like 350 people, but you're so where, like, millions are gonna see it. And you're like, fuck, like, everything I do right now, do I look fat? Am I setting up?

• 44:42Mark Normand?

  And the comments are brutal. And then Tony could be brutal. Tony could be like, you fucking suck. I'm not gay. I promise.

• 44:49Mark Normand?

  So, yeah, you really gotta walk that tightrope.

• 44:52Speaker 03

  Not my forte.

• 44:56Mark Normand?

  Now, let me ask you. So we're a couple of straight, white, honky men.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 45:01Mark Normand?

  Uh, you know, we'll get people, hey, shut up. That's offensive. Does anyone ever push back on you? Because you have pretty dark jokes.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:08Mark Normand?

  Is anyone ever gonna yell at the wheelchair lady?

• 45:10Speaker 03

  They'll be quiet, but it's because they feel sad for me.

• 45:13Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  And that's the worst.

• 45:15Sam Morril?

  Which is so much more obnoxious.

• 45:16Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like, that actually is a hate crime.

• 45:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. They're like, "She said the N-word, but..."

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Well, it was said.

• 45:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  She meant it with an A. She said the speech with a...

• 45:32Mark Normand?

  That should be, you should be able to say the N-word if you're holding the handicap pass. This is my N-word pass. You get an actual N-word card. Yeah, yeah. But, that's a nice, that's a nice little perk.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:46Mark Normand?

  I mean, you still have to live like this. But, nice perk.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  It's hard.

• 45:50Mark Normand?

  It must be hard with the travel.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Oh my god, dude, yeah. It's a nightmare, because I know, like, I'm on tour right now, and I know most comics that are, like, starting off headlining for the first year, like, it's hard to afford to bring a feature, you know? So people just, like, let the clubs do. I have to. I can't, like, get from A to B on an airplane. I can't, I'm not gonna drive eight hours by myself. You know what I mean?

• 46:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that is tough.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  So, it's kind of like, taking all that into account. I can't afford multiple hotel rooms right now. You know what I mean?

• 46:30Mark Normand?

  Damn. You just have to sleep with your opener.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  I literally, I'm sorry, Matt, you know, I...

• 46:35Mark Normand?

  And thank god you live in a city-city with a club and a theater, you know, and festivals. That would really suck if you lived in, like, Montana.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. I'm staying in Nashville, though, because we have a great, like, a ton of direct flights everywhere.

• 46:52Mark Normand?

  Nice. I never even thought about it. Man, so all those times you were in Austin, or when you're in New York, that's just a whole to-do. You're flying out of pocket, right?

• 46:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:59Mark Normand?

  That's crazy. That is crazy.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:02Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  It's hard.

• 47:04Mark Normand?

  You're gonna go fuck me going. Help her out, everybody.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  What the heck, guys?

• 47:08Mark Normand?

  Come on! You seem like you're doing great, though, right now.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I'm very fortunate. I can't afford all of that now.

• 47:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. I'm doing alright.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  I got that wheelchair money.

• 47:24Mark Normand?

  Has anyone ever... You get rims on that shit, right?

• 47:28Mark Normand?

  Get the hydraulics, rrrrr. Has anyone, uh, reached out in the handicap world? Is that the term?

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Despicable.

• 47:35Mark Normand?

  Okay. Who's the person who's reached out where you're like, "Holy shit, that's kind of cool"? Stephen Hawking.

• 47:42Mark Normand?

  Somebody must have...

• 47:42Speaker 03

  He said I was too old.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Someone that's reached like-

• 47:52Sam Morril?

  Like an organization, like, hey, we're part of-

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Oh, I just had a really cool thing. Actually, I was in Boston doing their Lab Boston, and I never really do crap work, but for some reason, I was like, make noise if you're in the healthcare field. And everyone clapped, we're in Boston.

• 48:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  And I just pointed out one random guy, and I was like, what do you do? You know? And he was the Chief Financial Officer for, uh, gene therapy for my disease.

• 48:30Sam Morril?

  Holy moly.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  Which is the only cure. When I was diagnosed 11 years ago, they told me, like, your only hope is gene therapy, and that could reverse this.

• 48:41Sam Morril?

  Uh huh.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  So I was like-

• 48:42Sam Morril?

  And did he talk to him after?

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, yeah. And it made me very emotional. He emailed me, I'm gonna try to do something with them.

• 48:51Sam Morril?

  Wow, of all the crowd works.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Dude, I know, it's because it was bald.

• 48:55Sam Morril?

  That would suck to bomb in front of the CEO.

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he was like, taking him back.

• 49:01Sam Morril?

  Did he bill you? He's like, we talked for 11 minutes.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  I know. I was like, this is crazy, all these healthcare people, I can't afford to see a sweater come.

• 49:11Sam Morril?

  Right, right.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  To get you all in here, can you look at this model?

• 49:16Sam Morril?

  What, what, uh, so gene therapy could reverse something like this?

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:20Sam Morril?

  And, and where are they with something like that?

• 49:22Speaker 03

  They're about to move to clinical Terrell, which is so good. It's like the first age- I don't, I shouldn't say that, but gene therapy would be the cure for any genetic, like-

• 49:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Alzheimer's, fucking dementia, it would stop all that.

• 49:43Sam Morril?

  Or can I definitely get in dementia? Oh, easily. You know it. We're like-

• 49:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  I'm read that line.

• 49:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, completely. Wow, this is great news.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:54Mark Normand?

  But I don't want to jinx it, so we'll see what happens.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  I know, I'm like, you always gotta like manage your hope on stuff. Cause I've been through a million things that are like, this is it. And it was fucking nuts.

• 50:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Damn, of all, I mean, that sounds, if that was in a movie, you'd be like, that's a little on the nose.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Scene with the guy, the gene therapy.

• 50:13Sam Morril?

  If this turns around, you're making that.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 50:16Sam Morril?

  It'll be played by Mark Ruffalo.

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 50:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was very cool. He was like talking to me about how um, he was really excited because I bring a lot of awareness to Frederick's attacks, yeah, like when I talk about on podcasts or Gil Tony and.

• 50:37Sam Morril?

  Did he know who you were before? Is that what he was like?

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, like they're all fans. And I'm like, what the fuck? And I was like their first person with FA they had met.

• 50:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're the Jackie Robinson.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:50Mark Normand?

  What Frederick's it takes you.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Pretty close.

• 50:53Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'll take it.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  I liked it.

• 50:55Mark Normand?

  Damn. Hold on, I had another question. I forgot it. Lap Austin. Oh, I lost it. I'll get it back.

• 51:04Sam Morril?

  I want to know what your road routine is like. It's like when you, when you get to a new city, do you just kind of, you try to find a restaurant? Do you just go to the hotel and chill? Like, what do you do?

• 51:11Speaker 03

  I just go to the hotel, yeah. I've moved a lot that day. I had my routine now. I have a really big fucking issue with all hotels. Being disabled, being like, I booked an accessible room for mobility.

• 51:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  I showed up to this last hotel and they were like, I was like, is it accessible? And they were like, yeah, it's hearing accessible.

• 51:38Sam Morril?

  What accessible?

• 51:39Speaker 03

  A hearing.

• 51:40Sam Morril?

  I don't even know what that means.

• 51:41Mark Normand?

  Like for deaf people?

• 51:41Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I was like, what does that mean? And they were like, well, there's a doorbell. And when someone hits it, flashes the light so you know someone's there. I was like, oh, thank God. I was like, the only like crazy thing about that, my ears are good. My legs are deaf, you know, they're not listening.

• 52:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, I remember what I was gonna ask, and maybe it's, maybe it's for the best I didn't remember. So tell me if this is over the line.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  But I gotta know. Where are we at? Feelings wise, below the equator.

• 52:21Sam Morril?

  I think that's fair.

• 52:22Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 52:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  I'm feeling, I'm not paralyzed.

• 52:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got feeling?

• 52:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, so you guys are plowing?

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:29Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 52:33Mark Normand?

  That's it. Do you have a swing?

• 52:37Sam Morril?

  She must work really hard.

• 52:38Mark Normand?

  Which one? You holding her up?

• 52:42Speaker 03

  Hold me down.

• 52:47Mark Normand?

  Wow, so you know he's horny when he puts the broomstick through the spokes? You're not going anywhere, baby.

• 52:53Sam Morril?

  He's the flashing lights?

• 52:58Sam Morril?

  That's a... And do you guys tour together always?

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Um, when he's not busy. So he is on the road like 40 weeks a year.

• 53:09Mark Normand?

  Comedy?

• 53:10Speaker 03

  With Rodney Carrington.

• 53:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, hey, he's a legend.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  Features for him.

• 53:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 53:16Sam Morril?

  Cool.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  So when he's not with Rodney, he's with me. And then when he's not available, I bring someone named Justin Wagner. He's a Nashville comic, very funny, good guy.

• 53:29Sam Morril?

  It's nice that, like, I mean, the hard thing about dating a comic is like how much, you know, scheduling time together and, you know, being apart and all that stuff. Like, is it, you think it's good for the relationship that you have the time apart and you have to actually miss the person a little bit?

• 53:43Speaker 03

  I love missing him.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, it's, it's, it's honest, I got been a fucking breeze. Like, we've had no issues. I don't know, we just trust each other a lot. I'm not gonna roll into any dick on the road.

• 54:05Mark Normand?

  Well, it's tough though, because if you blow up, or if you blow up, now you're both busy. So how does that work? It's almost like a bittersweet thing.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, because we want that for each other, you know? I don't know.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  We haven't gotten that much.

• 54:22Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 54:23Sam Morril?

  Being busy is good, though. It's like you said, you miss the person. You, I mean, think about it. You love your alone time. You focus on your work. I'm the same way. I get on the road, and I'm not in a relationship, but I get on the road and I'm just like, I can focus. It's almost like you, your life back home is paused.

• 54:37Mark Normand?

  No.

• 54:38Sam Morril?

  And you can just be like, I can, no one can bother me.

• 54:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:41Sam Morril?

  Same reason I love a flight. I'm like,

• 54:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:42Sam Morril?

  I don't have to respond to this shit now. I can just kind of do me.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, definitely. I mean,

• 54:50Speaker 03

  I'm not, I'm not too worried about all of it.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  Nah, you're gonna be fine.

• 54:55Speaker 03

  Yeah. We get married in like twenty-four days.

• 54:59Sam Morril?

  Twenty-four days, alright.

• 55:01Mark Normand?

  Wait, where's the wedding? A giant handicap stall?

• 55:05Speaker 03

  Everyone can get in.

• 55:09Sam Morril?

  Do you, do you feel like you have a big, uh, audience of people who feel like you're speaking for them, kind of?

• 55:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's been the craziest part of all this. I didn't feel that way and then I started like, Eltonia happened and I'm getting like, you know, twenty, thirty messages a day.

• 55:27Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  From disabled people, from people that have family members like me and

• 55:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's been cool. Actually, I have a TEDx talk that isn't out yet, but it's about to come out.

• 55:41Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 55:42Sam Morril?

  Oh, what is it? A TED Talk? What is it? They call it a TEDx now?

• 55:45Speaker 03

  The smaller one.

• 55:46Sam Morril?

  A TEDx? No, we'll fucking, we'll make sure it blows up.

• 55:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:51Sam Morril?

  So, so you just gave like a funny speech, basically?

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, well, it wasn't supposed to be funny, but I had never been serious on stage before and I was like having a panic attack, so I started like accidentally doing jokes.

• 56:06Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 56:06Speaker 03

  And so the crowd was laughing and I was like, thank God. Like, when it's silence, I got an applause break for wisdom.

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  It was so.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  There's people who are cheating over there.

• 56:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:20Sam Morril?

  He's here to get applause. They just dropped some knowledge.

• 56:24Mark Normand?

  Did you wear the Matt Rife headset?

• 56:26Speaker 03

  Uh, no, it was like a mic.

• 56:28Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  I know.

• 56:30Mark Normand?

  The headset makes you look important. I know.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  I know, I wanted one so bad.

• 56:33Mark Normand?

  You job did it, yeah. Wow, Tedx. You're all over the place. Now, you know Jim Jefferies does the... I've opened for him. He meets with the handicap people after his set. That's like a weird thing he does. Cause he had a- I don't know if it's weird. He's got this weird quirk.

• 56:51Speaker 03

  He should be ignoring them.

• 56:55Mark Normand?

  He, he had a story about his brother or friend in a wheelchair. It was amazing bit, Jim. Great bit.

• 57:01Sam Morril?

  About his friend growing up with muscular dystrophy who he took to a brothel to get laid.

• 57:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  Wait, I think I've heard this.

• 57:07Mark Normand?

  It's a really funny bit. Great story. Yeah. And his whole TV show is based on that, basically. And that guy, DJ Qualls, played his friend in the wheelchair. Yeah. But he took him to a brothel, the story blew up. And now all these handicap people or disabled people meet him after the show, but it's getting a little out of hand. It started with wheelchair, now it's like, I can't hear in one ear, I'm missing a finger. So, but he meets them all after the show and then, if you open for him, you gotta meet him too.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 57:35Mark Normand?

  But that's why his, uh, his, uh, special is called Two Limb Policy. Cause he's like, alright, you still gotta have, or one limb policy, whatever it was.

• 57:44Sam Morril?

  I didn't even know that was the special, it was.

• 57:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's on Netflix. This is his last special.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  That is so real though. People are fucking insane. I'll be like... Before one of my jokes, I'll be like, make some noise if you're a disabled person. And it's always like 10 people. I'm like, no, no, like the real kind.

• 58:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  I'm like, it's hard to take a piss. I feel like that's a good-

• 58:11Mark Normand?

  That's good gauge.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  Indicator.

• 58:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  Like, is that the hardest part?

• 58:16Mark Normand?

  But I'm not gonna claim him.

• 58:18Sam Morril?

  More just my body's shitty at this point.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  I'm kind of a shy peed, does that count?

• 58:25Mark Normand?

  Really? I could pee anywhere. I could.

• 58:27Sam Morril?

  I mean, I can pee on the street, but it'll take a minute. I still pee on the street.

• 58:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:31Sam Morril?

  If it's late at night.

• 58:34Sam Morril?

  It's late at night, no one's around, you had a few cocktails.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I got you.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 58:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I can pee anywhere. No stage fright. What about boner?

• 58:43Sam Morril?

  What do you mean?

• 58:44Mark Normand?

  You get boner, you get the, uh...

• 58:46Sam Morril?

  A public boner?

• 58:47Mark Normand?

  Well, no, if I get my head, I can't get it up. I can get it up all the time, but if you start thinking about not being able to get it up, I'm ruined.

• 58:54Sam Morril?

  I think that's why you drank.

• 58:55Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 58:56Sam Morril?

  I think when you get, when you get in your head, yeah, when you're like too aware of it.

• 58:59Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm. I did, I brought my wife to a sex club in Berlin.

• 59:03Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 59:04Mark Normand?

  And, you know, I'm like, well, we're in the sex club, we gotta have sex in it. That's what you do. And we were making out, and there's people making out, there's people fucking over there, there's a guy on a swing, there's a naked lady, so I'm like, a lot going on, and I couldn't get it up, because it was too much. I was in techno and lights and all this shit. So eventually I got it up, but it was, it wasn't easy.

• 59:26Speaker 03

  How'd you get it up?

• 59:27Mark Normand?

  I took a blue chew.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 59:30Sam Morril?

  Bring one, because you were like...

• 59:31Mark Normand?

  I was nervous, because I knew I'd want to fuck in there, you know, when in Rome, but I just didn't want to take any chances.

• 59:36Sam Morril?

  I've had more and more guys tell me, like, you gotta get a prescription for Viagra just to have in case you, like, meet a chick you want to go all night with.

• 59:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:44Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, I'm pretty satisfied with a few pumps and falling asleep.

• 59:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  And I don't think women actually ever want to go all night.

• 59:52Sam Morril?

  I had one where a woman just like, again, I was like, all right, nymphomaniacs stress me out.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, and that...

• 59:57Sam Morril?

  And I was just like, fuck, I'm trying. This is like, give me a sec.

• 1:00:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:00Sam Morril?

  Took a lot. I was hammered enough that I got, I went three, and that was the most I've done.

• 1:00:04Mark Normand?

  Three's pretty good.

• 1:00:05Sam Morril?

  That was the most I've done in, like, years.

• 1:00:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and you want to go to bed. I'm tired.

• 1:00:10Sam Morril?

  I was hammered. I didn't care.

• 1:00:11Speaker 03

  Three times in one?

• 1:00:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was fucking pleased with myself. I'm 39. I was like, phew.

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I've done the three and it gets a little raw after a while.

• 1:00:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, that sounds painful.

• 1:00:23Sam Morril?

  The third one was, it was like the third Godfather. It wasn't very good.

• 1:00:27Sam Morril?

  First two, not bad.

• 1:00:28Mark Normand?

  That's funny.

• 1:00:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Write it down now. But, uh, yeah, no, I had a one night stand with a woman and I found out like women, like if I'm having any trouble and they're just mean to me, it definitely helps.

• 1:00:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 1:00:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, just a little mean, like ball busty.

• 1:00:43Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:00:44Sam Morril?

  Not too mean.

• 1:00:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  What was your mom like?

• 1:00:47Sam Morril?

  Great. I had a great mother. I have a great mom. She's the best.

• 1:00:51Mark Normand?

  Could you work them into it? Like if they're not being mean enough, could you be like, boy, you put on weight?

• 1:00:57Sam Morril?

  All right, here we go.

• 1:00:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:58Sam Morril?

  Let's fucking ride.

• 1:00:59Mark Normand?

  Light the fuse a little.

• 1:01:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Too mean, but they gotta be clever.

• 1:01:03Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:01:03Sam Morril?

  Clever's good.

• 1:01:04Mark Normand?

  Can't just be like, you're ugly, you're gay. It's still gotta be something, something clever. Yeah, I like that. For me, it's, uh, just not caring. If the girl's like, what? I don't care. I'm like, I gotta win you back. I'm in love with you. I'll marry you. Take my money.

• 1:01:22Sam Morril?

  I had a, I had a one night stand with a woman and I did not last long and, uh,

• 1:01:29Sam Morril?

  not proud of this, went unprotected because she demanded it.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:01:33Sam Morril?

  And I don't do that. I'm fucking, I'm a product of an accident. I'm not a fucking, I'm not careless.

• 1:01:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:01:38Sam Morril?

  I was like hammered. I was like, ah, fuck it, let's do it. And then did not last long. And afterwards she goes, what's my name? And I was like, and I, true story, I said, I want to say, uh, Jazaman. I was my guest, Jazaman. I was hammered and she goes, what kind of fucking name is Jazaman? And I said, what's your name? And she goes, Jalissa.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  Okay, that, okay.

• 1:02:00Sam Morril?

  Pretty fucking close.

• 1:02:00Mark Normand?

  That's a crazy name.

• 1:02:01Sam Morril?

  But then she, I'll give you an example. She says she leaves and I called her a car and she leaves and she, this is the line that was like, made me kind of like her. She texts, first off, she texts, not even an Uber Black? And I wrote,

• 1:02:13Mark Normand?

  She?

• 1:02:13Sam Morril?

  I wrote, geez, sorry. And then she wrote, comes in 10 seconds and calls me a Toyota Camry. And I was like, that's pretty fucking good.

• 1:02:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:22Sam Morril?

  That's the type of ball busting I like.

• 1:02:24Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:02:25Speaker 03

  I like that. That's hilarious.

• 1:02:27Sam Morril?

  I enjoyed it.

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  So when's the wedding?

• 1:02:30Sam Morril?

  I told her, I said, "If we have a baby, we'll name it Jazaman."

• 1:02:35Mark Normand?

  Damn, that was probably the name of the Uber driver.

• 1:02:42Mark Normand?

  That's one funny about being single, you get those wacky drunk.

• 1:02:45Sam Morril?

  I like to follow a fucking night.

• 1:02:47Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:02:48Sam Morril?

  I like to follow a weird night and see where it goes.

• 1:02:50Mark Normand?

  I love a weird night.

• 1:02:51Sam Morril?

  Love a weird night.

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  That's where you get the stories. You don't get stories from being married with a kid, I'll tell you that.

• 1:02:56Sam Morril?

  Jim Jeffrey's got that great bit where he goes, you know, sober people all have the same end of their story. "And then I got home."

• 1:03:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah. No great story started with, "And I had a salad."

• 1:03:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Mark Normand?

  What about you? You drink?

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  I do.

• 1:03:10Mark Normand?

  I mean, we've seen.

• 1:03:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what kind of, what's like, do you drink before you go on stage or after stage or?

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  I used to, like, have to have like two drinks before I went on stage just because I was nervous. Uh, now, it's like, maybe I do, maybe I don't, like, it's, you know.

• 1:03:29Mark Normand?

  That's a good sign. Is that your only vice? You ever do a little shroom action?

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  I did.

• 1:03:35Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh. But?

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  Uh, well, everything I've done it, I'm a fucking idiot and I do it in the craziest places. I, um, the first time I did shrooms, it was for a, like, comedy show where the whole thing was like, all the comedians are tripping.

• 1:03:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  You know? And so I was like, "Yeah, that's fine." It hit me so fucking hard. I was terrified, I was crying. Yeah, it was awful. And actually, the whole, my whole set on shrooms is online.

• 1:04:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit. Pull it up.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  I fully, Matt was with me and he was not on shrooms. And I was like, I refuse to go on stage unless Matt comes.

• 1:04:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like having a panic attack and then, I mean, literally, the first thing I say in this video is, "Ha ha, I'm in a wheelchair."

• 1:04:42Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  I've never done a turntable before.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  Okay, um, do I just do my jokes?

• 1:05:10Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  Him sitting there is great too. This is amazing.

• 1:05:17Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 1:05:19Speaker 03

  I've had a wheelchair.

• 1:05:25Speaker 03

  And then I like, I like made him hold my hand and then I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. Matt do my jokes and he started doing my jokes.

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's great. Now that's love.

• 1:05:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:38Mark Normand?

  That's a great story.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  Pretty good.

• 1:05:41Mark Normand?

  Damn. Put all this in the movie where you find the gene therapy guy.

• 1:05:46Sam Morril?

  I really hope this like, we gotta do, is there a way we could raise awareness for this, for this cause in any way? Or like, you know?

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, people want to donate to FARA. That's F A R A is the organization.

• 1:06:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  That's like for research.

• 1:06:05Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:06:06Sam Morril?

  Alright, sure. Oh yeah.

• 1:06:08Mark Normand?

  Wow, do you ever meet all these people and go, man, these are nerds?

• 1:06:13Speaker 03

  Oh my God, a lot of people at F A actually come to my shows.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  There are only 5,000 of us in the US.

• 1:06:22Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I'm pretty special.

• 1:06:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're a minority.

• 1:06:28Speaker 03

  My bus is extra short.

• 1:06:33Mark Normand?

  That would be a cool tour bus, is it? You had a short bus.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I agree. That'd be pretty fucking sick.

• 1:06:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, you want another? I don't want to get you trashed here.

• 1:06:43Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:06:44Sam Morril?

  I mean, we could. I'll do another if she does another shit.

• 1:06:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I could do one more.

• 1:06:50Sam Morril?

  Half one more? I don't know. What do we do? What does it be?

• 1:06:52Mark Normand?

  He's doing a bodega.

• 1:06:55Mark Normand?

  There we go, Farah Fried- how do I say it? Fried- Friedrichsataxia?

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  Ataxia.

• 1:07:00Mark Normand?

  Ataxia. Alright, got it.

• 1:07:02Sam Morril?

  So, F A R A dot org?

• 1:07:04Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:05Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:07:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, please donate to this. This sounds like a important as hell. We want you around.

• 1:07:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:12Sam Morril?

  We want you kicking. We want to reverse this. We want you to have a long, long career.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  If y'all don't donate to it, I won't be here to make wheelchair jokes.

• 1:07:19Mark Normand?

  I know. We need one. Now, if you saw another wheelchair comic come in, are you like, "What the fuck?"

• 1:07:26Speaker 03

  Get the fuck- take the ramps down.

• 1:07:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You already gotta compete with other women.

• 1:07:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:31Mark Normand?

  Let alone other wheelchair.

• 1:07:32Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:07:34Mark Normand?

  Have you gotten any women comic hate yet?

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course. Of course, they're very hilarious.

• 1:07:39Sam Morril?

  What kind of stuff?

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Um, it's- no one's, like, brave enough to say anything to my face, you know? But I've heard a lot of, like, "She, uh, only gets booked 'cause she's in a wheelchair and, like, she's not funny."

• 1:07:55Sam Morril?

  You're very funny.

• 1:07:56Mark Normand?

  You're funny. You got jokes.

• 1:07:58Speaker 03

  I mean, it's- I could see- I see how they got there, but, like...

• 1:08:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:08:04Sam Morril?

  I had a guy- I had a guy who I knew- I know has talked shit about me, asked me for a favor recently.

• 1:08:10Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:08:11Sam Morril?

  And I did it.

• 1:08:12Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:08:13Sam Morril?

  I did it, 'cause I was like, "I don't give a shit."

• 1:08:15Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's very mature.

• 1:08:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:17Sam Morril?

  I was like, "You know what? He might have done it."

• 1:08:19Speaker 03

  Okay, 39.

• 1:08:20Sam Morril?

  And now, it's like- it's like what you say, hanging outside the stall. Now he'll feel a little stupid for doing it.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. I like it.

• 1:08:27Mark Normand?

  Boy, you're like Charlie Kirk's wife. She forgave the guy.

• 1:08:31Sam Morril?

  That's not the first time I've heard that, by the way. Many people say I'm like Erica Kirk. Is that what you mean?

• 1:08:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I think that's it.

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:08:37Mark Normand?

  Not bad-looking.

• 1:08:39Sam Morril?

  You gonna get in there?

• 1:08:42Sam Morril?

  Folks gonna change things up?

• 1:08:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's neck and neck. Alright, alright. What are we doing? Hopefully, it's been a minute since-

• 1:08:49Sam Morril?

  It's been a minute.

• 1:08:50Mark Normand?

  Okay. Damn. Did you see that, uh, that memorial? It looked like one of Bargazzi's shows.

• 1:08:57Sam Morril?

  West Christians.

• 1:08:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, West Christians.

• 1:09:00Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:01Mark Normand?

  Thank you, Peters. Gracias.

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 1:09:04Mark Normand?

  I like the crushed ice. Nice touch.

• 1:09:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I do. Crushed ice is a fuck- a toast to crushed ice.

• 1:09:09Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 1:09:09Sam Morril?

  Makes any cocktail better, I say.

• 1:09:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:12Sam Morril?

  I love it.

• 1:09:12Mark Normand?

  I love crushed ice. I also like the big cube. I want the big cube or the crushed. I don't want anything in the middle.

• 1:09:17Sam Morril?

  I'm with you. I don't hate the medium cube, but yeah, bigger little is the way to go.

• 1:09:21Mark Normand?

  Way to go.

• 1:09:22Speaker 03

  I'm glad we're actually talking about the problem. Like, we're really getting into it.

• 1:09:28Sam Morril?

  Talking about fara and we're just like, here's how I feel about cubes. I have some strong opinions.

• 1:09:33Mark Normand?

  Well, Larry Dave on ya. I have some peeves if we need any.

• 1:09:36Sam Morril?

  I have peeves too.

• 1:09:37Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  Oh, I got one.

• 1:09:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 1:09:39Sam Morril?

  Please, you go.

• 1:09:40Mark Normand?

  Ladies first.

• 1:09:42Speaker 03

  This is so fucking stupid, but the way they package, uh, string cheese.

• 1:09:50Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:09:51Speaker 03

  Why?

• 1:09:52Sam Morril?

  Well, what's the-

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  No one can fucking open it. Like, I know I'm a little retarded, but like, I think it's hard for everyone. It's never changed, similar to birth control. They haven't fixed it.

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  And-

• 1:10:07Mark Normand?

  It's that little labia there.

• 1:10:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, you have to like, take them apart, and I'm like, no, and I love cheese.

• 1:10:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, same, and it's fun to string it.

• 1:10:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Mark Normand?

  Um, I'm with you. It's like a tampon.

• 1:10:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, also very hard to open. You ever tried to put a tampon down when you have F A?

• 1:10:25Sam Morril?

  Many times.

• 1:10:27Speaker 03

  Real hard.

• 1:10:29Mark Normand?

  That's good, because a lot of things have gotten better, like ketchup has those packets, but then we invented the cup with the lid, with the little rip lid.

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, or you can do the top.

• 1:10:39Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly.

• 1:10:41Sam Morril?

  Hard to open anything, I'll, I'll, I'll go with, I think.

• 1:10:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:45Sam Morril?

  Why are you making it hard to open?

• 1:10:46Mark Normand?

  I know. I think it's because it's easy to package, but even the, the ketchup used to come in a glass bottle. We'd all do this shit, remember that?

• 1:10:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:53Mark Normand?

  Knife, whatever that was, and now it's squeezed. They figured it out. They, they progressed.

• 1:10:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:58Mark Normand?

  We gotta get the cheese to progress.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, why isn't big string cheese in the convo yet?

• 1:11:03Mark Normand?

  Good, good one.

• 1:11:04Sam Morril?

  You're on re- you're on notice, string cheese.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:07Sam Morril?

  One of you change it up.

• 1:11:09Mark Normand?

  Yes, you're ableist.

• 1:11:11Speaker 03

  Yes, I like that.

• 1:11:13Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:11:14Sam Morril?

  Is that your go-to road snack, string cheese?

• 1:11:17Speaker 03

  Um, not anymore.

• 1:11:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:11:21Speaker 03

  My go to br- I love Taco Bell.

• 1:11:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's probably my number one fast food.

• 1:11:26Sam Morril?

  Every club I used to go to would be like, oh, Dave Attell was just here. And I'm like, oh, how was he? He goes, great. He killed. Made us drive to Taco Bell. I just love that Attell's in a car with someone chain smoking on his way to a Taco Bell.

• 1:11:39Mark Normand?

  Mmm, grande. Hell beaver. Yeah, Taco Bell, the Crunchwrap Supreme, when that came out, I probably ate 900 in a year.

• 1:11:48Sam Morril?

  The hot sauce is fucking great, too.

• 1:11:50Mark Normand?

  And it's unlimited.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  Do you guys smoke weed?

• 1:11:53Mark Normand?

  Not really, no.

• 1:11:54Sam Morril?

  Do you?

• 1:11:55Speaker 03

  Oh, like medicinally, honestly. Like when Matt tucks me into bed, gives me a little weed head.

• 1:12:05Speaker 03

  And I bully him. It's the best way for me to sleep.

• 1:12:09Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  I sleep well on it, yeah.

• 1:12:11Sam Morril?

  I fall asleep, but then I'm like in and out. I'm like kind of.

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. And they say you're not supposed to be able to dream when you smoke weed before bed. I dream.

• 1:12:22Sam Morril?

  I hate dreams.

• 1:12:23Mark Normand?

  You hate dreams?

• 1:12:24Sam Morril?

  I have just bad dreams. I guess I hate nightmares. Dreams are okay.

• 1:12:26Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:12:27Sam Morril?

  But I have, I have some, I have just weird dreams.

• 1:12:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, mine aren't great either.

• 1:12:31Speaker 03

  I walk in a lot of my dreams.

• 1:12:33Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:12:34Speaker 03

  Isn't that weird?

• 1:12:35Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 1:12:36Sam Morril?

  What's that, what is that like, what does that feel like in the dream?

• 1:12:40Speaker 03

  Um, country.

• 1:12:45Speaker 03

  No, it's weird, because when it's happening, I have no idea that it's like different than reality.

• 1:12:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:12:52Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? And then I wake up and I'm like, damn.

• 1:12:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:56Speaker 03

  I thought that was real. And like, this happens sometimes. I wake up and I forget I can't walk.

• 1:13:04Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  And I like go to stand up and I've like fallen. I'm like, fuck. Because I walked for, you know, 21 years.

• 1:13:15Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:13:15Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:13:16Sam Morril?

  That is crazy.

• 1:13:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, Benjamin Button. I'm like a baby now.

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're going backwards. But I think with this crowd work guy, he'll be walking someday.

• 1:13:28Sam Morril?

  Do you, how often do you talk to this guy?

• 1:13:30Speaker 03

  I literally met him on the September.

• 1:13:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. So recently.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  Sixteenth.

• 1:13:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, great. All right.

• 1:13:39Speaker 03

  Like, it just happened.

• 1:13:41Mark Normand?

  But did he seem really kinda like?

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  I mean, he was fucking pumped.

• 1:13:44Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:13:45Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, the thing is called like solid bi- or something.

• 1:13:55Mark Normand?

  Core.

• 1:13:55Speaker 03

  Solid Bioscience.

• 1:13:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. Right? Yeah, cuz it kept being like, solid, like, a rock or whatever cuz I was kinda drunk. So he was like, please don't forget.

• 1:14:12Mark Normand?

  Solid as a rock.

• 1:14:15Mark Normand?

  Kevin Tan.

• 1:14:16Speaker 03

  Is that? Wait, no, I keep saying the wrong person. He's this chief something. There's so many.

• 1:14:24Mark Normand?

  Chief, he's Native American.

• 1:14:28Mark Normand?

  Dancing with wolves. I hope it's on Bo Combo.

• 1:14:30Speaker 03

  He's a bald guy.

• 1:14:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. We'll find him. By the way, did you guys see?

• 1:14:35Speaker 03

  I wanna say Tim something.

• 1:14:37Mark Normand?

  Tim.

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  There he is.

• 1:14:41Speaker 03

  Wait, I fuck, wait, fuck.

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  Is that him? The Asian?

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:14:44Mark Normand?

  Ah, shit.

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  I wasn't that drunk, kid.

• 1:14:49Mark Normand?

  By the way, they said baldness, New York Times just came out with a thing, baldness is close to curing. Like, the actual, they're gonna get ahead of it.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  Not. Oh, my god.

• 1:14:59Mark Normand?

  We're close.

• 1:15:00Speaker 03

  He's gonna leave me when he grows hair.

• 1:15:03Mark Normand?

  Which way? Which one is it?

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  Uh, yes, Dr. Gabriel, yes.

• 1:15:08Mark Normand?

  Brooks. He got kind eyes. He does.

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  And he, like, took Anita to talk to me. It was very sweet.

• 1:15:16Mark Normand?

  Kaepernick. I like it.

• 1:15:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was a sweet, sweet man.

• 1:15:20Mark Normand?

  Good on ya, Brooks. But, yeah, let me ask you this. Some people get successful, they leave their spouse.

• 1:15:27Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:15:27Mark Normand?

  If you got walking again, would you leave old Maddie back there?

• 1:15:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:33Mark Normand?

  All right. She would literally walk out on him. Yeah.

• 1:15:37Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:15:38Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:15:39Speaker 03

  It's fucked up. I can't be a runaway bride. I think, uh... A runaway bride doesn't hit the same, you know?

• 1:15:50Mark Normand?

  Tell you though, that baldness gear is coming. It's coming. Don't tell Vida. I like holding him down.

• 1:15:59Mark Normand?

  It's in the Times, I'm telling you.

• 1:16:02Sam Morril?

  I mean, what's been the coolest thing about just, I mean, because this happened quickly for you. So what's the coolest thing about?

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  The disease or something?

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  No, but you- What's the coolest thing about, uh-

• 1:16:12Speaker 03

  What's your favorite?

• 1:16:13Sam Morril?

  About not long-

• 1:16:14Speaker 03

  I'm really good at parallel parking. Um, dude, it's been a fucking whirlwind and I'm like, my biggest fear is that it happened too fast. And I, I'm just like trying to live up to every opportunity that comes, but like also respect that like, it's a long haul, you know what I mean?

• 1:16:39Sam Morril?

  Do you write a lot?

• 1:16:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but-

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Jokes, which is refreshing.

• 1:16:44Sam Morril?

  She does. I mean, that's the first thing I noticed is that she had, and even when she was riffing, it was in jokes.

• 1:16:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:16:50Speaker 03

  That means that, I mean, to be honest, I didn't think I would ever be like a comedian. I thought only boys could do that and-

• 1:17:02Mark Normand?

  Lesbians.

• 1:17:03Speaker 03

  You're right, I tried.

• 1:17:08Speaker 03

  Um, no, it, I got to, I got a degree in graphic design.

• 1:17:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:17:16Speaker 03

  Um, so I used to own a little company.

• 1:17:18Mark Normand?

  What? Women can do that too?

• 1:17:20Speaker 03

  Apparently.

• 1:17:21Sam Morril?

  You define a lot of-

• 1:17:24Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  Um, I'm like, yeah-

• 1:17:27Sam Morril?

  You can park? What the hell?

• 1:17:29Speaker 03

  I know, it's fucked. Kind of the whole baggage, or half the baggage, or whatever. Um, yeah, oh god, okay, some of these photos are terrifying. Yeah, Sit Down Create was the name of my company and no longer, yeah.

• 1:17:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun. Could you make your own flyers and your own outfit?

• 1:17:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, but I won't, um.

• 1:17:55Speaker 03

  I'm very lazy.

• 1:17:58Sam Morril?

  Can I ask you, like, how nervous would you get going on these shows? Because I, Mark and I talked about this. I don't think there's a show like Kill Tony we ever did coming up where you're like, oh, this, you know, even if we bombed a late night set, we're like, we'll be okay.

• 1:18:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:11Sam Morril?

  The bombing on that stage is tough.

• 1:18:13Speaker 03

  It's truly, that will fuck you.

• 1:18:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:17Speaker 03

  Like, if it's a verse I'm on, you know? Fucking MSG?

• 1:18:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:23Speaker 03

  What's the scariest?

• 1:18:24Mark Normand?

  That was scary.

• 1:18:25Speaker 03

  I found out I was on MSG four days before it. They forgot.

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:18:32Sam Morril?

  You know what the worst part of it too is? The anticipation because it's all, you're all just waiting for one brief moment and you're literally going through security at the airport. You're on the flight.

• 1:18:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:42Sam Morril?

  And then you're just like, I hope this doesn't suck.

• 1:18:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. And you can't really pre-write, it's all off the dome because you don't know who's coming up.

• 1:18:50Speaker 03

  Right, right. Well, then I'm fucking about to go on stage, I'm in the lift or whatever. And everyone that I know backstage is like, you should talk about this or this or this. And I'm like, okay, fuck you. This is the worst. So I feel like MSG kind of bombed the interview.

• 1:19:12Mark Normand?

  What? I saw it yesterday. You had 4.4 million views on something. So things are working. It took off.

• 1:19:20Sam Morril?

  It's, it's, it's working for you.

• 1:19:22Mark Normand?

  You had the elevator joke.

• 1:19:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, that wasn't even mine though. I was just sitting there and everyone's been like, how'd you feel about that? And I'm like, if I'm being so fucking honest, I couldn't hear y'all.

• 1:19:34Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:19:35Speaker 03

  So I was just like, ha, ha.

• 1:19:37Mark Normand?

  No, that did well, that did well. By the way, I hate, that's a peeve when people go, how'd you feel about that set? Like, you know how I feel about it. If I killed, you wouldn't ask me how I feel about it.

• 1:19:46Sam Morril?

  How do you feel?

• 1:19:47Mark Normand?

  I hate, what are you, my therapist?

• 1:19:48Speaker 03

  Ugh.

• 1:19:49Sam Morril?

  It was a bad set.

• 1:19:50Speaker 03

  It's the worst. Or people are like, eh. Don't give up.

• 1:19:57Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 1:19:59Sam Morril?

  I thought you were funny.

• 1:20:02Mark Normand?

  Don't listen to them. They sucked.

• 1:20:04Speaker 03

  Hey, it's a weird night.

• 1:20:08Speaker 03

  The crowd was weird.

• 1:20:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:10Sam Morril?

  I think the most, sometimes I'll see a comic and I'll be like, I'll be like, oh man, they suck. You deserve, like, I'll give one of those.

• 1:20:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:15Sam Morril?

  I don't like that the other way. I don't like being like, you, what the fuck? That's insane.

• 1:20:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:20Sam Morril?

  Just don't say anything.

• 1:20:21Mark Normand?

  I know. Don't listen to them.

• 1:20:23Speaker 03

  You know, my favorite though is when you do see someone, they do like mid to bomb level. And they're always the ones that come off stage and they're like, I crashed.

• 1:20:38Mark Normand?

  So true.

• 1:20:39Speaker 03

  And I'm like, it's always a man with the mustache. Tell me I'm wrong.

• 1:20:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I can see that.

• 1:20:48Sam Morril?

  Oh no, we didn't say Mark.

• 1:20:49Mark Normand?

  I was gonna throw out a peeve, but I don't wanna cut you off.

• 1:20:51Sam Morril?

  No, go for it.

• 1:20:52Mark Normand?

  Alright, I got two. How about this guy? I've been having this a lot lately. I'm at the airport or some, um, somewhere. And I see a guy who's like, comedy, hey, we might be drunk, whatever. And he goes like this. For the, for the

• 1:21:05Speaker 03

  Oh god.

• 1:21:06Mark Normand?

  Hand dap. And I have stuff in my hands. So I go fist pump. And he just holds the hand out. I think he's like, I'm not fist pumping. We're, we're, we're a handshake.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  This is like a multiple times, this is

• 1:21:19Mark Normand?

  Many times.

• 1:21:19Sam Morril?

  This happened to me, uh, today, actually. I was on the street.

• 1:21:23Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:21:24Sam Morril?

  I was holding a coffee and some, and something else. And a guy was like, and I was like, I was like, I don't have a hand to

• 1:21:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:30Sam Morril?

  I'm like, yeah, you have to accept the fist bump.

• 1:21:32Mark Normand?

  I know. So you end up like putting the coffee under the armpit and you're like, here you go. I'm like, just fist bump me. But I think they don't wanna shift from this to this or something. I don't know.

• 1:21:40Sam Morril?

  They're standing their ground.

• 1:21:41Mark Normand?

  I guess so, but it's like ruining my day.

• 1:21:43Speaker 03

  My equivalent, I'm really bad at like handshakes, cause you have to be precise.

• 1:21:50Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:21:50Speaker 03

  So I'm like, let me just hold still.

• 1:21:53Mark Normand?

  Nah, you come to me.

• 1:21:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:55Mark Normand?

  I like that.

• 1:21:56Speaker 03

  I'll do, you do 90, I do 10. You know, just like, oh fuck, who? Okay. I was just at, um, A fucking Belmore Governors Club.

• 1:22:09Mark Normand?

  Oh geez.

• 1:22:11Speaker 03

  The owner talked to me about y'all.

• 1:22:13Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  He loves you.

• 1:22:15Sam Morril?

  Oh, really?

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:16Sam Morril?

  That's a surprise to me.

• 1:22:17Speaker 03

  He said they're-

• 1:22:18Sam Morril?

  Last time I was there.

• 1:22:19Speaker 03

  They're sweet boys, sweet boys.

• 1:22:21Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:22:22Sam Morril?

  Did he make sure you ate 400 times?

• 1:22:23Speaker 03

  Dude, I'll, this is hilarious.

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  Take some food to go, take more food.

• 1:22:28Speaker 03

  He goes, um-

• 1:22:29Mark Normand?

  He killed Ralphie May.

• 1:22:32Speaker 03

  He's where-

• 1:22:33Mark Normand?

  Oh geez, gotta hug her.

• 1:22:35Speaker 03

  Hug her.

• 1:22:36Sam Morril?

  You feel bad how hard that hit?

• 1:22:43Speaker 03

  Edit that out.

• 1:22:46Speaker 03

  I'm kidding. Um, no, he's, you know. Clean cut, fucking cuticles, push bag, fucking Dago.

• 1:22:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:57Speaker 03

  I'm half Italian, I'm allowed to say it.

• 1:23:00Sam Morril?

  I wish I could say it too.

• 1:23:03Mark Normand?

  You guys are successful Italian.

• 1:23:05Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  They're handsome Jews, you're successful Italian.

• 1:23:09Speaker 03

  He's in like a tracksuit, you know what I mean?

• 1:23:13Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:23:13Speaker 03

  So during my shit, my set, this fucking dude, he's fucked up, he's on drugs, I don't know. But he's heckling me, but nice heckling, which is my least favorite.

• 1:23:27Mark Normand?

  The worst.

• 1:23:27Speaker 03

  Cause it's like, you don't wanna be like, fuck you. Cause he's like, you're so funny, and I'm like, shut up, you know?

• 1:23:35Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 1:23:36Speaker 03

  Michael, let me be funny, you know? But this guy's being too much, he's being real creepy, he's yelling out stuff about like my body and whatever. So at the end of the night, the owner comes out, he's sitting on a stool, and he's talking to me, he's like, you have fun? You know, like he's just kinda being-

• 1:24:00Speaker 03

  Agüino and this heckler comes back and I'm getting a little stressed cuz he's real touchy and I'm like, yeah, I'm talking to the owner and he's like, is this guy bothering you? And I was like, he is. And then as I said that, the heckler fucking grabs my head and kiss me right here and I can't go far. I'm not moving. And the owner, he goes, where the fuck do you just kiss you? I was like, on my cheek? And he goes, okay. And he had picked up a chair leg.

• 1:24:40Mark Normand?

  Oh my.

• 1:24:41Speaker 03

  He just had a chair leg back there, ready to go. I love this man. I was very impressed.

• 1:24:49Sam Morril?

  Wow. That guy didn't make it to his car. And if it did, it exploded when he started.

• 1:24:54Mark Normand?

  I think that guy's in a wheelchair too.

• 1:24:58Speaker 03

  My dukes are gonna hit real hard now.

• 1:25:02Mark Normand?

  Damn. That's wild.

• 1:25:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I've had some, that was one of those clubs like early on that I was grateful for. They were, no, you had those sets, you get on the, you get in the Long Island Railroad.

• 1:25:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:25:14Sam Morril?

  And Governors, that, but man, it was work.

• 1:25:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, there are animals out there. They will let you know if it ain't funny.

• 1:25:21Sam Morril?

  That's a, that's a club, Governors is a club in same, not far from Brokerage, where Seinfeld is like, it's like a fucking different country out there. It's like you see Seinfeld break.

• 1:25:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's really Alabama.

• 1:25:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, my, my feature, oh my God, he crushes every fucking, like, he's so great.

• 1:25:42Mark Normand?

  All right, Wagner.

• 1:25:42Speaker 03

  Justin, yeah, nice. Um, this was the only show.

• 1:25:50Speaker 03

  We had just been to Rhode Island. I did these Providence like comedy connections. Phenomenal show. I loved it, but we had just been to Rhode Island.

• 1:26:04Speaker 03

  He gets on stage in Belmar, he goes, "And that's Long Island."

• 1:26:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:10Speaker 03

  And he goes, "How are we doing tonight, Rhode Island? Nothing."

• 1:26:15Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:26:16Speaker 03

  He doesn't even realize he said that. He said it five fucking times. And at some point, some Italian dude, "This isn't fucking Rhode Island."

• 1:26:27Sam Morril?

  That's like calling a woman Jasmine, huh?

• 1:26:29Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, they never forgave him. It was so fucking funny.

• 1:26:35Mark Normand?

  That's on him.

• 1:26:36Sam Morril?

  I've done that before.

• 1:26:37Mark Normand?

  I've done that too.

• 1:26:38Sam Morril?

  You just have a couple of drinks in you, and you, I have confidently been like, "Thank you, Oklahoma City." They're like, "This is Lexington, Kentucky."

• 1:26:45Sam Morril?

  Been drinking a lot. I've been on the road for a long time.

• 1:26:47Mark Normand?

  Remember that, uh, Simpsons, uh, there's some band, and they're like, "Good to be here." And he flips the guitar over, it says Springfield. Springfield, we love you.

• 1:26:58Sam Morril?

  It's such, it's so fucking relatable.

• 1:26:59Mark Normand?

  So good.

• 1:27:00Sam Morril?

  You're just on the road that hard. You're just like, you forget.

• 1:27:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it all blends together.

• 1:27:03Sam Morril?

  But it's insane to forget, but yeah.

• 1:27:05Mark Normand?

  All right, how about this peeve? This guy. I've stopped you if I've done this one before. But you get the guy who keeps questioning you when you've already given an answer, you know, you go, he goes, "Oh shit, I gotta tip the, uh, the bellhop. You got any money?" And I go, "Oh, I got nothing." And he goes, "No money?" "I have zero money." He's like, "You have nothing." "Yeah, yeah, that's what nothing means. I'm out." If you keep asking me, it doesn't change it. So that was, that drove me crazy.

• 1:27:31Sam Morril?

  Better him than a homeless guy.

• 1:27:33Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true.

• 1:27:34Sam Morril?

  You have zero.

• 1:27:35Mark Normand?

  Zero. I have nothing. No money? Nothing on ya. No, no, nothing.

• 1:27:40Sam Morril?

  I'll, I'll be, I'm indecisive, so I can be annoying like this. We're like, Gary and I are picking seats. We're like, we're, you know, we're on the road. We wanna see that DiCaprio movie, that Paul Thomas.

• 1:27:50Mark Normand?

  Is that out?

• 1:27:51Sam Morril?

  It's out this weekend, but we saw it was out, we're backlogging this episode.

• 1:27:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:55Sam Morril?

  This is before Mark and I both go to Europe, so we're taping this in September, guys.

• 1:27:58Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 1:27:59Sam Morril?

  Sorry about that. But we didn't, we didn't touch on topical shit. It still works.

• 1:28:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:03Sam Morril?

  Anyway, the movie, one battle after another, Vida and I are on the road. We wanna see the movie, so we see there's a late Thursday show.

• 1:28:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:28:09Sam Morril?

  So, we're in Rochester, so I was like, I wanna, I was like, dude, let's, so we're like- Arguing back and forth over the seats.

• 1:28:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:16Sam Morril?

  I'm like, I like these seats. He's like, I like it more to the middle. I'm like, well, it's a three hour movie. What if we have to pee? And it's that type.

• 1:28:21Speaker 03

  Uh, and that's where you got the handicap seat.

• 1:28:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:26Sam Morril?

  I didn't. I was, I was like two away from the handicap seat.

• 1:28:30Sam Morril?

  There's like 10 handicap seats in this theater. There's no way 10 handicap people are showing up.

• 1:28:35Speaker 03

  I really get another house. That's crazy.

• 1:28:39Sam Morril?

  10?

• 1:28:42Speaker 03

  I feel like all my peeves are so specific to me. I'm scared to even say them.

• 1:28:50Sam Morril?

  Sam, please.

• 1:28:51Speaker 03

  One of my like biggest ones and it happens for every day. It doesn't matter who I'm with. Like I'll be trekking into a hotel and like same meds with me. It's under my name, yada, yada. They will not look at me. They only talk to the able-bodied person with me. And I fucking hate it.

• 1:29:19Mark Normand?

  Is that a man, woman thing?

• 1:29:20Speaker 03

  No, an able-bodied person is disabled. It's all anyone, like even a random bitch.

• 1:29:30Speaker 03

  It's crazy and like I tell people and that's a thing with all disabled people. If a disabled person is talking to you, look at them.

• 1:29:40Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:29:41Speaker 03

  Like even though it's hard, just try.

• 1:29:45Mark Normand?

  You think they feel bad or something?

• 1:29:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, even if they're drooling, just look.

• 1:29:51Sam Morril?

  But this is why I think you've connected with people so well is that like they feel seen through your comedy.

• 1:29:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:56Speaker 03

  Yeah. I love that shit.

• 1:29:59Sam Morril?

  What?

• 1:30:00Speaker 03

  I'm such a girl about it. It makes me emotional. I remember when I started comedy. A bunch of open mic bros were like, you're never gonna make it. You think you have a point to make? And I was like, oh, okay.

• 1:30:16Sam Morril?

  I don't feel that way about you at all.

• 1:30:18Mark Normand?

  No point.

• 1:30:18Sam Morril?

  I don't think it's at all like.

• 1:30:19Speaker 03

  I'm just talking.

• 1:30:20Sam Morril?

  You're just making jokes. You're doing what you're supposed to do. That's, I think that's why when I first saw it, I was like, I like this woman immediately. I was like immediately like. Fan.

• 1:30:29Mark Normand?

  And that's why I won't watch your TEDx. Cause I don't want any message.

• 1:30:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're like, I'm not trying to learn something.

• 1:30:37Sam Morril?

  But she said she couldn't even get through with a message.

• 1:30:39Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:30:39Sam Morril?

  She's such a comic, she couldn't even get through it.

• 1:30:41Speaker 03

  Dude, I fucking panicked. I can't even remember some of the jokes I made and I was like, oh, they're not supposed to be laughing.

• 1:30:52Speaker 03

  Okay, I snorted.

• 1:30:54Mark Normand?

  I'm in a wheelchair.

• 1:30:57Sam Morril?

  I'm on shrooms.

• 1:30:59Speaker 03

  That's the hardest video to watch.

• 1:31:03Sam Morril?

  Why'd you upload it if it's so hard to watch?

• 1:31:05Speaker 03

  Because I was like, eh, fuck it. I can't get it.

• 1:31:10Mark Normand?

  It is a funny video, but you gotta, you gotta go for it.

• 1:31:13Speaker 03

  No, I, I made like a highlight reel of like the funny parts of it so you don't have to watch all of it.

• 1:31:23Speaker 03

  God, it's, it's a lot. Are those Bubba and Plaid Swarthy?

• 1:31:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:31:31Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:31:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they were sent to us as a gift.

• 1:31:33Speaker 03

  Can I hold it?

• 1:31:34Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 1:31:35Sam Morril?

  Touch them, they feel great.

• 1:31:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, those came out of Chelsea Handler, so.

• 1:31:40Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:31:42Speaker 03

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 1:31:45Mark Normand?

  Fun, right?

• 1:31:46Speaker 03

  I like this shit.

• 1:31:50Sam Morril?

  I also like tits. I think they're great.

• 1:31:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're great.

• 1:31:52Sam Morril?

  I'm a fan of tits.

• 1:31:53Mark Normand?

  Those fakes are big in Nashville. I see a lot of Nashvilleians with fake jugs now.

• 1:31:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, bad ones a lot, like bolt arms.

• 1:32:05Speaker 03

  You had some stepmoms?

• 1:32:08Mark Normand?

  No, I got a real mom.

• 1:32:09Speaker 03

  Oh, you have a real one?

• 1:32:11Sam Morril?

  I have a stepdad, but I call him dad. Yeah. What? What was that?

• 1:32:15Speaker 03

  That's so sweet.

• 1:32:18Sam Morril?

  That was her face right there. Holy shit. When, when you said you hate when people pity you, I was like, holy.

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, those little doofy Sam.

• 1:32:28Speaker 03

  Aw, sweet boy. Did he like catch with you?

• 1:32:33Sam Morril?

  Actually, he did not. He's not an athletic guy.

• 1:32:36Speaker 03

  Oh, that's hard.

• 1:32:38Sam Morril?

  Had to learn that shit on my own.

• 1:32:39Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:32:40Sam Morril?

  If I have a kid, I'll play catch with you. You gonna play catch with your kid?

• 1:32:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, I can't wait.

• 1:32:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:44Speaker 03

  He does it right now, and it is abuse.

• 1:32:52Sam Morril?

  You put a little mitt on him, you just throw a heart ball at him. Pussy? You gotta fucking catch it. That'd be great if you had like a dark side.

• 1:33:02Sam Morril?

  Sports dad that none of us saw coming.

• 1:33:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, God. Come on, you faggot. Pick up the ball.

• 1:33:08Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 1:33:09Sam Morril?

  Like, we never expected this from Mark. He's so...

• 1:33:12Speaker 03

  My, um, God, this is my fair, I don't have to joke about this yet, but, fucking A. So, my dad has been married five times.

• 1:33:25Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:33:26Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:33:27Speaker 03

  To three women.

• 1:33:29Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:33:29Sam Morril?

  He's going back for seconds.

• 1:33:31Mark Normand?

  He doubled up.

• 1:33:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:31Speaker 03

  Yo, dude. Okay, my mom, three kids, great. Thank you for fucking her, I guess. And then, I shouldn't say her name. Uh, let's say Diane.

• 1:33:48Mark Normand?

  All right, Diane.

• 1:33:49Speaker 03

  Okay, cool. So, he marries Diane, and she got big, big bolt-ons.

• 1:33:55Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:33:56Speaker 03

  Big.

• 1:33:57Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:33:58Speaker 03

  Fucking butterfly.

• 1:34:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, tramp stamp.

• 1:34:02Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:34:02Speaker 03

  Tattooed on her breast, so you can see her. You get it.

• 1:34:07Sam Morril?

  Weird.

• 1:34:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, my dad's like, "I love this shit."

• 1:34:10Sam Morril?

  Who's with right now?

• 1:34:11Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:34:12Mark Normand?

  That's number two.

• 1:34:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:34:13Speaker 03

  Diane.

• 1:34:14Sam Morril?

  Diane.

• 1:34:15Speaker 03

  I'm gonna forget. Um, so he marries Diane. He gets their wedding date tattooed on his wrist.

• 1:34:23Sam Morril?

  Classy.

• 1:34:24Speaker 03

  They get divorced.

• 1:34:25Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:34:26Sam Morril?

  Who could've seen that coming with that tattoo?

• 1:34:28Speaker 03

  Literally, I know. And he gets a black heart over it for dead love.

• 1:34:34Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:34:36Speaker 03

  Wait, y'all. He gets married to Diane again.

• 1:34:40Mark Normand?

  That's three.

• 1:34:41Speaker 03

  A new date above the black heart. Whoa. Wait, are you ready, y'all?

• 1:34:49Speaker 03

  He gets divorced again.

• 1:34:50Mark Normand?

  No, you have to say it.

• 1:34:52Speaker 03

  I know. It turns into a playing card. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:34:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:58Speaker 03

  They get married again.

• 1:35:00Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 1:35:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:35:03Mark Normand?

  This is unbelievable.

• 1:35:04Speaker 03

  It's awesome.

• 1:35:06Mark Normand?

  His heart could be black. I love at a certain point, they don't even, at a certain point, they're like, "We don't trust us." Yeah, yeah, right.

• 1:35:13Speaker 03

  It's literally married again. New date, it's right the fuck up here, right above the plane card.

• 1:35:20Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 1:35:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:35:22Mark Normand?

  Uh oh, we still got one more.

• 1:35:24Speaker 03

  Divorce again.

• 1:35:26Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:35:27Speaker 03

  Now he just wears like a watch over it for dead love. Or not dead love, wasted time is what I mean. Um, so that exists, and then he married, let's say, Marcia.

• 1:35:44Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:35:45Speaker 03

  Now he's married to her, is that five?

• 1:35:47Mark Normand?

  That's five.

• 1:35:48Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:35:49Mark Normand?

  And he's still with Marcia.

• 1:35:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, I don't know anymore. It was just, hold on, Diane wouldn't, she used to get real mad if we drank her diet Pepsis.

• 1:36:07Mark Normand?

  This is white trash shit right here.

• 1:36:08Speaker 03

  Oh dude, it was crazy. My dad, no, I shouldn't say all that.

• 1:36:14Mark Normand?

  Ah, you've had a couple of drinks.

• 1:36:15Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:36:16Mark Normand?

  This is going off the rails. We can believe whatever you want. Yeah, he's not gonna hear this, he's not a fan.

• 1:36:22Speaker 03

  He used to be an attorney.

• 1:36:23Mark Normand?

  Oh wow.

• 1:36:24Speaker 03

  So I, I do believe that divorces were cheaper.

• 1:36:29Mark Normand?

  Ah, that makes.

• 1:36:30Speaker 03

  Right, like you can represent yourself.

• 1:36:33Mark Normand?

  And he probably worked the, the paperwork so he wouldn't get charged.

• 1:36:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, get fired.

• 1:36:38Mark Normand?

  Representing yourself, classy move, him and Ted Bundy. Yeah. Yeah. Damn.

• 1:36:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 1:36:45Mark Normand?

  Well, bad guys always pull women, like these kinda charming.

• 1:36:50Speaker 03

  Dude, my dad is very good looking.

• 1:36:53Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:36:55Speaker 03

  Very good looking, very smart, very funny, and I hate to give all those compliments.

• 1:37:01Sam Morril?

  Sociopaths are often funny.

• 1:37:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:04Speaker 03

  I mean, dude, if he was sitting here with us, you'd like him more than me.

• 1:37:09Sam Morril?

  There's not a chance. No, not only this about him, I can't, I would never like him.

• 1:37:15Speaker 03

  I think you'd be like, she's full of shit. If you're mad at him, you're like, this guy fucking rocks.

• 1:37:22Mark Normand?

  Have you, have you seen the Charlie Sheen doc?

• 1:37:24Speaker 03

  Not yet.

• 1:37:25Mark Normand?

  Reminds me of Charlie Sheen a little bit.

• 1:37:27Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:37:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, that's just like, plenty of wives, drugs, booze, tattoos, the whole thing.

• 1:37:33Sam Morril?

  But the fact, but, but he didn't walk out on a kid. I think that's, that's a pretty shitty thing to do for a parent.

• 1:37:39Speaker 03

  Dude, the one that breaks my heart the most is my little brother. He's the only boy. And but he-

• 1:37:49Sam Morril?

  But your older sister talks to him, but you and your brother don't. Why did, how was she able to talk to him?

• 1:37:55Speaker 03

  I honest to God, there is something weird that happens with the oldest sibling, like- she was just as much dismissed and like maybe even more fucked up shit than me if I'm being honest.

• 1:38:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:13Speaker 03

  But she like needs daddy's approval way more than me and my brother do. My little brother, God bless him, I love that bitch, Liam Cauley. His music name is Archie Summers.

• 1:38:29Mark Normand?

  Archie Summers.

• 1:38:30Speaker 03

  He's very good.

• 1:38:31Sam Morril?

  So, so he's like Instagram would be Archie Summers?

• 1:38:33Speaker 03

  Yes. So he, uh, got diagnosed as well.

• 1:38:39Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:38:40Speaker 03

  About a year ago.

• 1:38:41Mark Normand?

  What are the odds?

• 1:38:42Speaker 03

  Literally, I don't even know the numbers. It's fucked. That's my brother. How fucking sweet is that guy?

• 1:38:51Mark Normand?

  Great head of hair.

• 1:38:51Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:38:53Mark Normand?

  Very nice. Archie.

• 1:38:54Speaker 03

  He's goofy as hell. I love him. Um, but he got diagnosed like a year ago and my dad never-

• 1:39:05Mark Normand?

  Reached out?

• 1:39:05Speaker 03

  Nothing.

• 1:39:06Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:39:07Sam Morril?

  He never reached out to you at all either? What a piece of shit.

• 1:39:11Mark Normand?

  I know. Can we pull him up?

• 1:39:12Speaker 03

  No, no!

• 1:39:14Sam Morril?

  Don't pull him up.

• 1:39:15Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:39:16Speaker 03

  For us, we can, but don't put down.

• 1:39:19Mark Normand?

  No, I don't want to give him any shine. But I'm just curious how handsome he is.

• 1:39:24Speaker 03

  Do you want to see him?

• 1:39:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 1:39:26Speaker 03

  Can I?

• 1:39:27Mark Normand?

  Don't show this to the folks at home.

• 1:39:32Mark Normand?

  There you go. Bleep.

• 1:39:34Sam Morril?

  No, I think he spelled it wrong.

• 1:39:36Speaker 03

  No, that's it.

• 1:39:37Mark Normand?

  You had it.

• 1:39:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, I'm sorry, okay. I thought she said something else.

• 1:39:42Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 1:39:43Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute.

• 1:39:44Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 1:39:46Mark Normand?

  Uh oh.

• 1:39:48Speaker 03

  Wait, that's so funny. It's all me?

• 1:39:51Mark Normand?

  It's all, you're good, you won!

• 1:39:53Speaker 03

  I did, I like that.

• 1:39:55Mark Normand?

  The ether. There he is.

• 1:39:58Speaker 03

  No!

• 1:39:59Mark Normand?

  Oh god, I was about to say that.

• 1:40:00Speaker 03

  Wait, take away being a collie dad. Sorry, I'm too pretty and cool. That, wait, that's not him.

• 1:40:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's not at the jeweler.

• 1:40:11Speaker 03

  Oh, he's on the last picture.

• 1:40:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, he is handsome, wow!

• 1:40:16Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:40:17Sam Morril?

  Let's see.

• 1:40:18Mark Normand?

  Damn!

• 1:40:18Sam Morril?

  He's been a little bit.

• 1:40:19Mark Normand?

  He's like a politician.

• 1:40:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. He's very good looking.

• 1:40:24Mark Normand?

  Imagine him 20 years ago?

• 1:40:26Sam Morril?

  Looks like Robert Mitchum.

• 1:40:27Speaker 03

  I know! Yeah, my mom is hotter than he is though. My mom is... Okay, I kinda didn't want them to know.

• 1:40:43Mark Normand?

  She's the Odego.

• 1:40:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:40:45Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 1:40:46Sam Morril?

  That is an Italian last name.

• 1:40:47Speaker 03

  Look at that babe, that's my mom!

• 1:40:50Mark Normand?

  I met her at the garden.

• 1:40:51Speaker 03

  Yeah!

• 1:40:51Sam Morril?

  She is like the Real Housewife, she's fucking hot.

• 1:40:53Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:40:55Speaker 03

  And that bitch was a W, or she was a... D1 athlete.

• 1:41:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:41:02Speaker 03

  For basketball.

• 1:41:03Sam Morril?

  Whoa!

• 1:41:04Mark Normand?

  I'll give her a D1. Geez.

• 1:41:09Mark Normand?

  Woo wee.

• 1:41:10Speaker 03

  I'm so sorry.

• 1:41:12Sam Morril?

  She is a...

• 1:41:12Speaker 03

  I just honk so hard that I think you have free drinks to check, you know?

• 1:41:17Mark Normand?

  I'm gonna catch it. Yeah, hello, mom. Look at that. Hubba hubba.

• 1:41:23Speaker 03

  Damn, uh...

• 1:41:25Mark Normand?

  They're on next week.

• 1:41:26Speaker 03

  She's hot. Look at that bitch. She turned sixty in a couple days. Isn't that crazy?

• 1:41:33Mark Normand?

  MILF alert.

• 1:41:34Speaker 03

  Right?

• 1:41:35Mark Normand?

  Now, who's got the bad, uh...

• 1:41:38Speaker 03

  Jeans?

• 1:41:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:39Speaker 03

  Both of them carry it.

• 1:41:41Sam Morril?

  It's like them together.

• 1:41:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. She could have fucked anyone else.

• 1:41:46Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:41:47Sam Morril?

  Fuck.

• 1:41:47Mark Normand?

  The odds. Horrible.

• 1:41:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're kind of insane. All I care pretty she is. I'm obsessed with her.

• 1:41:56Mark Normand?

  Great jet black hair.

• 1:41:59Speaker 03

  Italian as fuck.

• 1:42:00Sam Morril?

  Do you guys talk a lot?

• 1:42:02Speaker 03

  Uh, we talk multiple times a day, every day.

• 1:42:07Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:42:08Sam Morril?

  I love it.

• 1:42:08Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:42:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. I've never seen that hot ass headshot, the first one you pulled up.

• 1:42:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, me neither. Look at that.

• 1:42:18Speaker 03

  Like, I'll see you later, didn't I?

• 1:42:20Sam Morril?

  Is she like in the new Batman movie?

• 1:42:22Speaker 03

  Right. Sorry.

• 1:42:26Sam Morril?

  Jesus.

• 1:42:27Speaker 03

  Yeah. I keep talking about how hot my mom is on every podcast I'm going on.

• 1:42:33Sam Morril?

  It's gonna create a problem. People are gonna put it together.

• 1:42:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, we're southern, you know? Incentive to our culture.

• 1:42:39Speaker 03

  Wait, you're from New Orleans?

• 1:42:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:41Speaker 03

  Uh, wait. I'm at Skank Fest, too.

• 1:42:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'll see you there.

• 1:42:48Speaker 03

  Have you ever been to one?

• 1:42:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I've been to every single one they've had.

• 1:42:51Speaker 03

  Dude, this is my first one and I have a lot of fears in my heart.

• 1:42:56Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 1:42:57Speaker 03

  It sounds crazy.

• 1:42:59Mark Normand?

  I mean, it's crazy, but it's, you'll be fine. Everyone puts this like January 6th meets Juggalo meets Comic Con vibe on there.

• 1:43:07Sam Morril?

  But peaceful.

• 1:43:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're peaceful people, they're respectful, they look like hell, but you're gonna have a blast. They're gonna treat you real nice. The shows will be horrible.

• 1:43:18Mark Normand?

  Jet Ski Johnson's going.

• 1:43:20Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, I love Jet Ski.

• 1:43:23Mark Normand?

  She's a good.

• 1:43:24Speaker 03

  Matt has her hoodie.

• 1:43:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I saw you wearing that yesterday.

• 1:43:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:29Sam Morril?

  Where are you going? Where are you coming up on the road?

• 1:43:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:43:32Speaker 03

  Like, right now?

• 1:43:35Speaker 03

  Oh, look at my dumb face.

• 1:43:37Sam Morril?

  I love you on Punch Up.

• 1:43:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:40Mark Normand?

  Dania Beach.

• 1:43:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, Miami Improv's great.

• 1:43:42Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:43:43Speaker 03

  Dude, Miami don't fuck with me. They know I can't swim.

• 1:43:50Sam Morril?

  So we got, uh, Dania Beach, yeah, that's great, the Fort Lauderdale Improv.

• 1:43:54Speaker 03

  Doral.

• 1:43:55Mark Normand?

  Club. Doral, that's basically Miami.

• 1:43:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:59Mark Normand?

  It's like Franklin and Nashville.

• 1:44:00Sam Morril?

  St. Petersburg, December 5th, December 6th, then Louisville, Kentucky, oh, uh, that's cool, I've done that club, Louisville.

• 1:44:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:44:08Sam Morril?

  Louisville.

• 1:44:08Mark Normand?

  Louisville.

• 1:44:09Speaker 03

  Louisville.

• 1:44:10Sam Morril?

  Get mad at you.

• 1:44:10Mark Normand?

  Good whiskey.

• 1:44:11Sam Morril?

  You gotta slur it.

• 1:44:11Speaker 03

  You kinda gotta have my accent to say it.

• 1:44:16Sam Morril?

  Uh, Fort Wayne, Indiana, at Summit City Comedy Club, nice. Appleton, Wisconsin, at Skyline, man, they got you jumping around, then Chandler, Arizona, Mic Drop Mania. You're on the road, you're hitting it hard, I love it. San Diego, Mic Drop Comedy, in January.

• 1:44:33Speaker 03

  This is the first time I'm learning about any of them.

• 1:44:38Mark Normand?

  Plano, Texas.

• 1:44:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm starting to do weekends.

• 1:44:42Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:44:43Sam Morril?

  It's, it's how you grow as a comedy.

• 1:44:45Speaker 03

  I'm very excited. I will say, the thing, like, definitely broad tickets to my show, I'd love to see you. Won't roll over your toes. Um.

• 1:45:00Speaker 03

  But the, I know, it's kinda nice.

• 1:45:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, weekends-

• 1:45:03Speaker 03

  It's like your stress.

• 1:45:05Mark Normand?

  Weekends are great, cuz we'll do like a Friday in Vegas, Saturday in Denver, and you gotta fly and jump around and get on a bus.

• 1:45:10Speaker 03

  Not even.

• 1:45:11Mark Normand?

  The weekend, you get like, you there Thursday till Sunday.

• 1:45:13Sam Morril?

  You get work done. It's nice.

• 1:45:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm excited to be able to get like friendly with the hotel staff.

• 1:45:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Good point.

• 1:45:24Speaker 03

  And a girl, so I need to know.

• 1:45:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:29Mark Normand?

  Are you out? You good?

• 1:45:30Speaker 03

  Oh shit, you're alright. You're alright.

• 1:45:33Mark Normand?

  There's one swig. Get in there.

• 1:45:35Speaker 03

  It's just bar wash.

• 1:45:36Sam Morril?

  Zip it.

• 1:45:37Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, yeah, check out Fiona. You don't have a pod yet.

• 1:45:41Speaker 03

  I do have a pod.

• 1:45:43Mark Normand?

  Unless you've got a pod.

• 1:45:44Speaker 03

  It's called Rampin' Up.

• 1:45:47Mark Normand?

  Rampin' Up. Ha, ha, ha. I love it.

• 1:45:49Sam Morril?

  I love the title.

• 1:45:50Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:45:52Speaker 03

  No G, we couldn't afford it.

• 1:45:56Sam Morril?

  Call me.

• 1:45:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, Fiona, call me. It's like, Fiona, call me, but I'm a dumb bitch.

• 1:46:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's me and Matt. It's real fun. I love it.

• 1:46:09Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:46:10Speaker 03

  Again, subscribe to that shit.

• 1:46:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, check out Rampin' Up.

• 1:46:15Sam Morril?

  I think, yeah, it's the end of the year, so, uh, yeah, so I'm going back to Salt Lake City for a second. See you, Wise Guys, November 14th through 16th. And Reno, Nevada.

• 1:46:25Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:46:26Sam Morril?

  Two shows at the Atlantis Casino, and then December 4th Carnegie Motherfucking Hall.

• 1:46:29Speaker 03

  Bitch, that's amazing.

• 1:46:33Sam Morril?

  Let's do it.

• 1:46:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I've done that.

• 1:46:35Sam Morril?

  Punchup.live slash Sam Morrell. Yeah, I wish I went with you. Jimmy Carr did our pod, and he was like, come to Carnegie Hall, and I was like, I'm fucking tired. You went.

• 1:46:43Mark Normand?

  No, I've done the Reno one.

• 1:46:44Sam Morril?

  Oh, was it good?

• 1:46:45Mark Normand?

  It's fun. It's big.

• 1:46:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:47Mark Normand?

  But it's fun.

• 1:46:48Sam Morril?

  Well, I ain't selling those ass, but...

• 1:46:51Speaker 03

  Hey, you might.

• 1:46:53Mark Normand?

  You might. Lincoln Theater in DC Chocolate City, Kodak Center in Rochester, Niagara Falls, San Diego, Prior Lake, Minneapolis. I'm taking a, taking a breather after I shoot this special, so...

• 1:47:06Sam Morril?

  Hopefully, we shoot something else next.

• 1:47:07Speaker 03

  Not-

• 1:47:07Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:47:08Sam Morril?

  We'll see.

• 1:47:08Speaker 03

  Code Queen, I can't.

• 1:47:11Mark Normand?

  That's my, uh, promo code.

• 1:47:14Speaker 03

  That's awesome.

• 1:47:14Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, follow Fiona on social media and, uh, and see her on the road and listen to her podcast. She's great. And it's great to, I never really liked chatting with you. This is great.

• 1:47:23Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:47:25Mark Normand?

  And check out her TEDx.

• 1:47:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it should be out when this comes out.

• 1:47:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:47:32Sam Morril?

  Drink Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodeagacatwhiskey.com.

• 1:47:35Speaker 03

  God.

• 1:47:35Sam Morril?

  You like it?

• 1:47:36Speaker 03

  It's so good. Matt's obsessed with it. He's chugging a bottle back there. It's a problem.

• 1:47:43Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. You guys out and about tonight? You doing anything?

• 1:47:46Speaker 03

  Uh, we want to. I'm thinking... What are we thinking?

• 1:47:52Sam Morril?

  Come by the cellar.

• 1:47:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. Are you all headed?

• 1:47:55Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna go up there, I think.

• 1:47:57Speaker 03

  I wanna see Derek Strube, but the show started at 6.

• 1:48:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:48:02Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:48:02Mark Normand?

  He's only on one show?

• 1:48:04Speaker 03

  Well, it's his show.

• 1:48:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's doing an hour?

• 1:48:06Speaker 03

  He's doing an hour.

• 1:48:06Mark Normand?

  Damn. Well, you're there. I'm there late. I'm there at like 10:45.

• 1:48:10Sam Morril?

  I'm there early, he's there late. So you'll see, if you come early or late, you'll see one of us.

• 1:48:13Speaker 03

  I like it.

• 1:48:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah. We'd love to have you. All right. Thank you, Fiona. Rap it up.

• 1:48:18Speaker 03

  Thank you!

• 1:48:20Mark Normand?

  Take it easy, folks. Queef it up, comedy.