Ep 253: Whitney Cummings

Whitney Cummings joins Mark and Sam for a wild one packed with sharp takes and unfiltered laughs — from Woody Allen and cancel culture to body image, internet addiction, and old-man groping scandals. They dive deep into pet peeves, parenting chaos, overcommitment, and why men love confrontation but never fix their hair. Plus, Whitney opens up about sobriety, losing her laptop in a NYC cab, and the art of being “too busy to actually get anything done.” Sponsored by: Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today. Head to https://www.hims.com/DRUNK F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code DRUNK15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15 #theperfectjeanpod If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: https://learn.nocd.com/DRUNK Support the show and sign up for your one-dollar-per-month Shopify trial at https://www.shopify.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #WhitneyCummings #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  No, you look like you work out like crazy probably.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  I do work out. I don't know if it's like crazy. I do like weird body workouts. I don't like go to the gym. What is in your...

• 0:16Mark Normand?

  I had a mint.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Okay pedophile. Why do you just have candy?

• 0:19Sam Morril?

  This would be the saddest pedophile ever. Look at these candies.

• 0:22Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 0:23Sam Morril?

  These are rough.

• 0:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Yo, why do you have Christmas candy in your shirt?

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Every time I see a mint at a hotel, a store, I put it in my pocket.

• 0:31Sam Morril?

  I do that with matches.

• 0:32Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 0:33Sam Morril?

  I like matches.

• 0:33Mark Normand?

  I love matches.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  I love when rich people still do broke shit.

• 0:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  When I go to fast food, I have to get a handful of napkins, put them in the glove box.

• 0:42Sam Morril?

  And a water cup.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Also...

• 0:45Sam Morril?

  And I get a club soda.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  All of the mini shampoos and conditioners.

• 0:48Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  I've got a whole thing at home of them.

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  I haven't bought soap in 10 years. I just take it from the hotel, the extra one, I put it right in the bag. It's horrible soap.

• 0:55Sam Morril?

  It's bad soap. Get some good soap on Amazon. It's cheap. You get good soap.

• 1:00Mark Normand?

  Ah, I like the soap.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  A lot of them on Amazon's fake, I'm hearing.

• 1:02Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Like nicer brands. Like a nice, like, I don't know, I don't know what you use in your hairs, like a...

• 1:08Sam Morril?

  Nothing.

• 1:09Mark Normand?

  Shampoo soap.

• 1:10Sam Morril?

  What can we really use in our hairs?

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Whatever the hotel express or the holiday express has.

• 1:16Sam Morril?

  There's not much we can do with our hair.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Gafiltafish juice. I don't know if this works, but that you can get like...

• 1:22Sam Morril?

  What is a gafiltafish juice?

• 1:23Speaker 01

  I have no juice.

• 1:24Mark Normand?

  Juice.

• 1:25Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 1:25Mark Normand?

  For the hair.

• 1:27Sam Morril?

  I thought it was like, that's a type of Jew. You're like, you're a gafiltafish Jew. I like gafiltafish. I actually think it tastes good.

• 1:34Mark Normand?

  You're the one.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  Is it always canned?

• 1:36Sam Morril?

  It's like, no, you can get it in a container. It's gutter fish. It's like a mush of fish.

• 1:41Mark Normand?

  Yikes. You're really selling it.

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  Well, you have it like once a year and you put horseradish on it and it kind of, I think it's good.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  It's like anal. You do it once a year with your wife.

• 1:48Sam Morril?

  Horseradish.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  The way you said it was very whore's radish, but I, do you remember when, I don't know, it's so weird to quote the New York Times. You sound like such an idiot. Remember when it used to be a flex? Like, so I read this New York Times article. You're just like, I'm dumb.

• 2:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  But I know the New York Times are like, or you're like trying to seem smart, but there was this whole article about how Chilean sea bass is fake.

• 2:07Mark Normand?

  I heard that. It's all branding.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  All fishes are fake.

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  They're all just, there's no such thing as...

• 2:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and like certain type of salmons are bad.

• 2:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's just a white fish. You know, same with hagundas. That word means nothing. That was this, two Polish guys just said, eh, what's a German sounding word? It's a fake word.

• 2:23Sam Morril?

  But it's not even German.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  Well, I just, I think the word

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  Where's, where's Higgin's eyes?

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the product is still ice cream.

• 2:30Mark Normand?

  It's just ice cream, just regular old ice cream.

• 2:31Sam Morril?

  Ben and Jerry's not even gay. No, I'm kidding.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  One time I was sitting with, um, uh, like an older, like a lawyer in LA who I love. He's like a old school kind of lawyer and he was like in the music video.

• 2:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, Bronx, sorry.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  When Michael Jackson's hair caught on fire. He like came over to try.

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Like we're with Richard Pryor, whatever. And, um, we're outside and I have this citronella candle, you know, cause it helps like ward off bugs, whatever. And he's like, citronella candle. I'm like, yeah, I'm so sorry. Let me light it so that the bugs stop.

• 2:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  He's like, oh, is that, is that what it's for? And I was like, uh, yeah, citronella. And he's like, I don't think it works. And I was like, no, it's citronella. Okay. That is known to ward off bugs.

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  And then he's like, I don't think so. I'm like, how do you know? He's like, cause my dad invented them. They're fake.

• 3:11Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 3:11Sam Morril?

  Wow. Damn.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  There's a lot of.

• 3:15Sam Morril?

  Pull it up. I don't even know what citronella is.

• 3:16Mark Normand?

  That's a black chick I dated.

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  Wow. I didn't know that either.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  There's a lot of stuff like that, but placebo effect is an effect. I think it's more of a light.

• 3:26Sam Morril?

  I think you have a bulb thing I put in. I think that works. Does it? Maybe it doesn't.

• 3:30Mark Normand?

  Who knows? It's all a lie. Damn.

• 3:33Sam Morril?

  Placebo has some effect though.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  So much effect.

• 3:35Mark Normand?

  It does, yeah.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  More than regular effect from what I understand, but also studies are so.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Did you ever do, what did you do when you didn't have money?

• 3:43Mark Normand?

  What, what do you mean?

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Cause I did studies. I did, I got paid to be in studies.

• 3:48Mark Normand?

  Really? For that gal with the sleep study?

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Never that.

• 3:51Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 3:52Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  Plasma?

• 3:54Speaker 01

  And once you've done studies like that, any study you see, you're like, no, that's a bunch of people that needed $50 who said whatever they.

• 4:00Sam Morril?

  What's the weirdest one?

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Oh dude, I did a lot for depression.

• 4:04Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Cause if you see, uh, it was, it would be in like something like LA Weekly. I don't know what y'all's version of that would have been like 20 years ago.

• 4:10Mark Normand?

  New York Post or Village Voice.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  And it'll say like UCLA, like, are you depressed? Question mark? Like, do you want to come be in the study? And it's like, I probably. I don't know, but also like by the time I get to this study that's paying me $50 to take a pill that has not been approved by the FDA, like I will be depressed. Like, and you get there and they ask you questions and the longer you stay in, the more money you get. Cause it's like $50 cash. Cause you and a bunch of like meth heads that are like. Shaking, I mean it's truly like drug addicts.

• 4:36Sam Morril?

  This would be a good game show.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  It's by the way, such a good idea.

• 4:40Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 4:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 4:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  This fall on NBC.

• 4:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:43Sam Morril?

  I'm so hungover.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  What, what's your, what did you do last night?

• 4:46Sam Morril?

  I had like a surprise birthday, uh, it, it was.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Is it your birthday?

• 4:50Sam Morril?

  No, like last week, I was on the road and, and Liz, Rachel, Vida, a bunch of people just threw us a, Norman sent a weird gift card to a bar.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  When's your birthday?

• 4:59Sam Morril?

  August 29th.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Oh, happy birthday.

• 5:01Sam Morril?

  Eh, it's, oh, it's long over. When this comes out, it'll be like two months.

• 5:05Mark Normand?

  Is that a Leo?

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  Virgo.

• 5:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, I, alright.

• 5:07Sam Morril?

  I got hammered. I just got, they just kept feeding me booze. And we were at Shade, which serves Bodega Cat.

• 5:12Mark Normand?

  Now you got that right, Fatty. Great choice.

• 5:14Sam Morril?

  They got a, yeah.

• 5:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Good time. What was the after party?

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  We just kept hopping in the weird bars. The bars got weirder and weirder as it got later. I, it was just me, DeVito, and, uh, Matt Ruby in a bar. And I remember, uh, a guy who ran the bar was just telling me stories about getting fucked up with Robert Plant. And I was like, I think it's too late. I think I gotta get the fuck out of here. It was like 3:30 in the morning.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Do you know those things? I don't know the brands. I'm sure we've all, um.

• 5:41Mark Normand?

  You know, Robert Plant, not actually a plant. We're just, okay, sorry.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:44Mark Normand?

  Not worth the, uh, interruption. Oh my, Bill Maher? Interrupting Woody Allen over here. Alright, keep going.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Uh, I haven't listened to that yet.

• 5:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's worthless. He talked through the whole thing. He wouldn't let Woody talk. He's, he sucks.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 5:57Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 5:59Mark Normand?

  Check it out.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  What, I'm, okay, I'm looking forward.

• 6:00Mark Normand?

  Well, you know, Woody's so old, he's like, and then when I did Jade Scorpion, he's like, I love that movie. Great movie. Uh, changed my life. And then he brings it back to him. And you're like, come on, Bill. You got Woody here.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Have you listened to it?

• 6:12Sam Morril?

  No, I have. I, I saw the clip and I was like, oh my God, the clip's amazing. Cause it was just, uh, Bill Maher being like, what do you think of this movie? And Woody Allen being like, good, not great, but he's going through so many classics. It's just cool to hear Woody Allen's take.

• 6:25Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 6:25Sam Morril?

  You know, cause you never hear.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Woody Allen's doing podcasts now to try to get a younger audience, which is.

• 6:30Mark Normand?

  Too soon, yee.

• 6:32Sam Morril?

  Though, one of the funniest things I heard was apparently Chelsea Handler was at a dinner with him and like a big party. And she just said, so how'd you two meet? That's fucking hilarious.

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Kathy Griffin had an amazing story as well, um, that she should tell. I don't know if she told it somewhere on a special or something, but, um, about when she asked Woody Allen his favorite TV show and he said Hannah Montana.

• 6:54Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  He was dead serious. And I was like, that's either hilarious, that's either hilarious.

• 6:58Sam Morril?

  He's leaning into it?

• 6:59Mark Normand?

  Brilliant, brilliant.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  It was like wild.

• 7:01Sam Morril?

  Well, he got kinda cocky for a minute. I mean, some of those movies, like, they were so on the nose that you were like, I mean,

• 7:07Mark Normand?

  Manhattan.

• 7:07Sam Morril?

  Husbands and wives too, you're just like gonna bang the student.

• 7:10Mark Normand?

  Right. Man, and he's dating a seventeen year old in the movie. It was a different time. It was. It was a good, he, he, he saw women as equals. A better time. Yes, well.

• 7:19Sam Morril?

  Well, the twist of the movie is not, he's like, I shouldn't date high schoolers. He's like, I can't believe it didn't work out. That's like the sad ending. He's like, we could've, I, I gotta grow up.

• 7:27Mark Normand?

  Then she gets on the school bus.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  I mean, I've, whatever.

• 7:30Sam Morril?

  You what?

• 7:30Speaker 01

  I just don't, my thing with Woody Allen is this like glamorizing of that like men should be like, it's okay for men to be scared of everything. And like totally useless and worried about everything all the time. Never cheat. I don't know about that.

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  No, nebbishy.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  Oh, nebbishy. But like, just the idea of it's like, well, it's a lobster, what do I do? It's just like, that is so repulsive to me.

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, he was.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  We're at war. China's, China's getting, China just bought America. Can everyone pull it together?

• 7:57Mark Normand?

  Well, no one's saying he's a sex symbol. He had to make a bunch of movies just to hook up with, uh, you know, what's her face? Diane Keaton.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  No, right, right, right. Oh, that, oh, I hate that too. And then she's like, she's like this idiot that can't figure out how to say goodbye. She's just like, oh, it's her all.

• 8:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  She's just like saying.

• 8:13Sam Morril?

  Annie Hall's a great movie.

• 8:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, this is a hot take.

• 8:17Sam Morril?

  This is a hot take.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  I don't understand why we all, it's like, it's like I also.

• 8:20Sam Morril?

  We don't all have to like it. I, I think it's a great movie.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  Marilyn Monroe was smart, or I'm not a feminist, like I'm a bad person.

• 8:26Sam Morril?

  No one said that. These aren't all looped together.

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  This is an idiot.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  That I'm like forced to like, and I'm like, I don't, I don't.

• 8:33Sam Morril?

  You're not forced to like anything. We, we love Annie Hall. We talk about it all the time.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Wasn't it supposed to be a horror movie? It was supposed to be called Anadonia.

• 8:39Sam Morril?

  What?

• 8:40Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  So Anadonia, you know what Anadonia is, cause you both have it, which is, uh, the inability to enjoy the current moment, cause you're too busy mourning that the moment's gonna be over soon.

• 8:49Mark Normand?

  We do have that.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it was originally gonna be called Anadonia, right?

• 8:52Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  I'm correct, Google's not.

• 8:55Mark Normand?

  Uh oh.

• 8:56Sam Morril?

  Anadonia?

• 8:57Mark Normand?

  Woman answer ever.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  That's hilarious. Yeah, I don't know, Anadonia movie. So wasn't he originally, like, the way that he cut it? Maybe that's why that, if that's not true, then I don't like it even more. Because the reason I was giving it a pass is because I was going, oh, I heard it was originally supposed to be a horror movie and he re-edited it. So he didn't even shoot it. It wasn't as funny as it should have been.

• 9:15Sam Morril?

  Did you know that Saw was supposed to be a rom-com? I'm kidding.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  By the way, Saw, I mean, Saw's an incredible movie. The first Saw.

• 9:22Sam Morril?

  I never saw it.

• 9:23Mark Normand?

  It's terrifying.

• 9:24Sam Morril?

  It's not my cup. I don't like the torture porn horror genre.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  Dude, I watched it.

• 9:28Sam Morril?

  I like the psychological ones.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  And a casting crew screening with a bunch of people who like knew what was gonna happen. I was screaming. I was like, I was around the people that made it. I knew it was fake.

• 9:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  I knew it was, I knew this person was the blood guy and I was screaming my head off.

• 9:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's scary, for sure.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  But to me, that is, it's like when a comedian can make another comic laugh. It's like, you know this is fake and I'm still screaming. It's like, I know this didn't happen to him yesterday. We know, you know? We know he's not dating anyone, but he's still making me laugh.

• 9:59Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  That's the ultimate, like.

• 10:01Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  So I always give Annie Hall a little bit of a pass because I'm like, oh, I thought it was edited to be a horror movie or supposed to be different.

• 10:08Sam Morril?

  It's got some amazing scenes in it. The therapy scene where they're both in therapy, that's a great scene.

• 10:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:13Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's got some amazingly.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Two white people talking about how hard their lives are because they can't love each other.

• 10:18Sam Morril?

  It's a comedy.

• 10:18Mark Normand?

  Well, they're trying to work it out. They're.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  It's very.

• 10:20Sam Morril?

  That's like saying like, we can't enjoy Seinfeld because we're like, you're complaining about mundane observations when there's a war going on in the Middle East. Like, no, it's a comedy. Why can't you enjoy a comedy?

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I just, Annie Hall, I guess for me, the stakes just feel too high for what it is. I'm, here's the thing, this is a little bit of a gender reversal. When it comes to Woody Allen, I'm like, can you just calm down? Just relax. Can you imagine if there's, can you imagine if there's like a female movie star that was just like, oh no, I can't, you would just be like, she needs to be in a mental hospital.

• 10:49Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Like, that person is mentally ill.

• 10:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Like, I don't think it's funny when men are incompetent.

• 10:55Sam Morril?

  Do you like Annie?

• 10:56Speaker 01

  As a person, I'm scared. I'm like, who's gonna handle the meteor?

• 10:59Sam Morril?

  Well, you'll hate us. But do you have any, are there any Woody Allen movies that you're like, I like that one?

• 11:04Speaker 01

  Blue Jasmine, but I think that, like.

• 11:07Sam Morril?

  But she's a female train wreck.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Right, totally. So, Trainee. Um, no, uh-

• 11:11Sam Morril?

  Like legitimately in a insane asylum by the end, right?

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Different character than I'd seen and I l- I loved it, I think, for reasons that are totally, um, uh, super subjective, which is like, I loved seeing Dice be so good in it.

• 11:23Mark Normand?

  He was good. It was great.

• 11:24Sam Morril?

  Fucking Louie too, look at that.

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  That's a great cast.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  He always casts incredible people. I think that's his, uh, superpower.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  Everybody wants to work with him.

• 11:32Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:32Mark Normand?

  So he does address the cancel in the pod for like, two minutes. Bill Maher brings it up and he's like, "Yeah, I didn't care." And Bill Maher's like, "Come on, that had to hurt." And he was like, "I made everything I wanted to make. I, I got in at the end."

• 11:43Sam Morril?

  It is good to get cancelled in your mid-eighties.

• 11:46Mark Normand?

  He got cancelled at the end.

• 11:46Sam Morril?

  That's the right time.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Who was Morgan Freeman? Remember when they tried to come after Morgan Freeman?

• 11:50Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 11:51Mark Normand?

  No.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  And it, someone was like, uh, he's creepy, uh-

• 11:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes. He was touchy on set.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Oh, he would tell people they were beautiful or something and I worked with, um, a makeup artist who had worked with him and I was like, "Was he?" And she was like, "He told us all we were beautiful." He'd be like, "Hey, sweetie, bring flowers." And he was like, she was like, "We loved it."

• 12:08Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  He was such a gentleman. He was incredible. Like, it was-

• 12:13Sam Morril?

  At that age, they're not scary. It's like, I remember they tried to cancel Stan Lee at like 95.

• 12:18Mark Normand?

  No way.

• 12:19Sam Morril?

  They're like, he's groping his nurse. He's 95. You're not in danger.

• 12:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, it's like, um, Bobby Lee when he says he was molested by a retarded guy. I'm like, do you know if the retarded guy, what if he just thought he was like, like, opening a cabinet? Like, what if he didn't even know he was molesting you?

• 12:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he thought he was petting a puppy too hard.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  But, this makes me nuts because it's like, okay, we talk about sexism, racism, but we don't talk about ageism.

• 12:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's big.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Why aren't you like, you know, giving the 85-year-old guy a pass?

• 12:50Mark Normand?

  Ah, interesting.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  Groping a nurse is probably pretty progressive.

• 12:55Sam Morril?

  Oh, this is not the way I thought you were gonna go.

• 12:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  I'm just saying, like, when I hear that like a 75-year-old man said "trainee," I'm like, that was for him probably like a big step up.

• 13:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  He was probably trying to use-

• 13:06Mark Normand?

  And we can't expect them to keep up with the lingo. They can't keep up with fashion. Why would they, why would they not say color?

• 13:11Speaker 01

  They're hanging out on, at high school, uh, parking lots and they're pedophiles. And why would they know the new lingo?

• 13:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're not on- Snapchat.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:19Sam Morril?

  It is weird. I remember hearing my grandpa once say Oriental. I didn't know. I was like, what is that? I didn't know what that word was. I was super young and I was like, is that? And my mom's like, yeah, you shouldn't say that. He just, he's old. He's not racist. He's just old.

• 13:31Mark Normand?

  He's just old. Yeah.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, like Asian people are like, that's cool. Like what?

• 13:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 13:35Mark Normand?

  My, my grandmother said colored, but she didn't, she had black friends. Now, that's a lie. She had slaves, but uh, nice lady, sweet lady.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  And now it's a person of color. You know, it's like.

• 13:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, is it?

• 13:47Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 13:48Sam Morril?

  It's, it's like Carlin's bit. Remember where they just keep adding like?

• 13:51Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 13:52Sam Morril?

  Shell shock, post-traumatic stress disorder. They just keep adding words to it.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Who's and also who's they? What non-binary dork? Like it's also just like, it used to be octopus, octopi, now it's octopuses. It cha- it changes everywhere.

• 14:05Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 14:06Sam Morril?

  Were they getting offended?

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Tell me if I'm wrong. Tell me if I'm wrong, but um, it's just.

• 14:10Mark Normand?

  Wow, it's unhoused. Yeah, it just keeps going. Like I remember when it was Qatar, now it's Cutter.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  We're just evolving. Yeah.

• 14:17Mark Normand?

  It's a Cutter. You know, it's like.

• 14:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that Goth girl's a Qatar.

• 14:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like, do you just want to correct us or is this real? What do we do? Remember Kiev is Kiev?

• 14:29Sam Morril?

  Was that ever a thing?

• 14:29Mark Normand?

  That was a thing. Yeah, I got corrected on Kiev with, cause Ukraine, the overlords, they're all watching, they're yelling at us, we're all scared of them. It's a horrible way to live.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry.

• 14:45Mark Normand?

  Well, that's the thing. Like who, who are we so worried about? You know, we're always like, cut that out, cut that, we don't want that out there. But I'm like, who are these people that are like, I think it's the internet. It's just the comments.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Like we, like we have to stop talking about, it just, it's not.

• 14:58Sam Morril?

  What?

• 14:59Speaker 01

  I just, are you guys on the dead internet theory at all?

• 15:01Mark Normand?

  No.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  I don't think any of it's real. Like it's not real.

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  The internet, like, have you ever noticed the internet's like, my new theory, like the internet, something will happen, it'll go crazy and it's just like bots yelling at bots, yelling at, I'm literally.

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  I think that's a lot of it.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Where I'm like, do you guys even need us for this? It's its own self-sustaining, just like rat king. You know when rats' tails get stuck together? Like that's the internet and.

• 15:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  I think it's just, it's not.

• 15:26Mark Normand?

  Seinfeld calls it when you kick an anthill. He's like, it's just ants running around and then they go back in the hole eventually.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Like, like.

• 15:31Sam Morril?

  That's what he calls all poor people though.

• 15:33Mark Normand?

  That was Tom Segura.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  But also like let them have it. Like I feel like we're the bully, like these people that we get to talk in microphones, people listen to us. We charge people to listen to us talk, like we get to be heard and someone else like, I don't like your term. And we're like, fuck, shut up.

• 15:48Mark Normand?

  Nah, it's true.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  We talk, no one else.

• 15:50Sam Morril?

  I just try to disengage if it gets nasty, because you're like, because you you get like maybe two nice ones. And then you look at the third one and it's like, shut up, you fucking hack. And you're just like, I don't, no, I know, but that's, that's why I just, I'm like, let me just bail. I'll post it and I'll.

• 16:04Mark Normand?

  Posting ghost.

• 16:05Sam Morril?

  Posting ghost.

• 16:06Mark Normand?

  I remember the first time getting a bunch of shit on Instagram and Twitter and you're like, oh, man. And I went outside and I was like, here it comes. And no one know, no one knows you, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping. And I was like, oh, yeah, it's just on here.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Also, I feel like everyone we talk to, you're like, yeah, I mean, can you believe they're like transitioning babies in utero? This is crazy, you know? And then everyone's like, and then you're like, who are all these people? It's like everyone.

• 16:29Mark Normand?

  Everyone does this.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Where's everyone?

• 16:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Where are they?

• 16:33Sam Morril?

  It's all rage bait. I think it's, I agree with you that like, it's always the most extreme example. And you're like, is this happening?

• 16:39Speaker 01

  But those are addicts, like anyone who's on the internet doing that, that's addiction, you know? So it's, that's just their addiction.

• 16:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I remember seeing the news stuff, you're like, don't go to San Francisco, the whole place is on fire. And you're like, shit, I'm booked there in a week. And then you show up and you're like, here we go.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:53Sam Morril?

  I remember I had an agent back in the day who was like, oh, we don't, it was like when I was, you know, trying to get road weekends. And you know, you're getting some, but then I remember they're like, there's a fallout at a Mall of America. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, someone comic dropped out and I was like, the same Mall of America that Al Shabab says they're going to shoot up this weekend? And he was like, that's not a big story. And I go, log onto CNN right now. It was the front page, Al Shabab to shoot up Mall of America. I'm like, gee, I wonder why he dropped out. And he's like, are you gonna do it? I was like, no.

• 17:20Mark Normand?

  Ah, well, it's still there.

• 17:22Sam Morril?

  I know, but I, but I was talking to Joe List about it and he was like, if you do it and you get shot up, you're the dumbest fuck on.

• 17:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 17:29Sam Morril?

  So just don't do it and do it another time. And I did, or I did another club there or something.

• 17:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  I'm sorry to hot take, I think it might be good for us.

• 17:38Mark Normand?

  What's that?

• 17:39Sam Morril?

  Getting shot up by Al Shabab?

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Like negative, some negative feedback might be okay.

• 17:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, of course.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  I haven't like drawn this line of thinking out, I might pivot on it, but like, you know, before, like when you would do like TV or whatever, you would just get like a rating that was like, here's your rating. And you'd be like, ah, we're, yeah, look, they love us.

• 17:58Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? And that's all you knew.

• 18:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  And you didn't hear any, you'd hear like reviews or something, you know, here's the best example. Um, uh, Howie Mandel came on my podcast once and cracked me up because he was like, I don't like performing in New York City. And I'm like, why? What do you mean? The crowds are amazing, whatever. And he was like, cause like you're at Carnegie Hall, biggest night of your, you know, you sell out Carnegie Hall. Like your name is on the marquee at Carnegie Hall for like three months. It's like such a big deal. Then you go play, you sell it out, whatever. How many thousand seats at it?

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  Three thousand, four thousand.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Great. And the reality is, is that about seven million people walked by and were like, no, thanks.

• 18:32Mark Normand?

  Nah, that's one way to look at it.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  And so many people didn't come to the show.

• 18:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:37Sam Morril?

  But also it's like, it's expensive. It's like, you know, even, even your own fans are like, I can't, I, I get hit up like I can't afford it all the time, you know? And also a way to look at it is like, I'm on the billboard or whatever for Chicago Theater. I'm under a Ringo Starr. That's fucking insane.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:51Sam Morril?

  It's insane. It's like, I'm under a fucking Beetle.

• 18:53Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 18:54Sam Morril?

  That's cool as hell, you know? My dad's friends like sent him pictures of it and he sends, I didn't see it and he sent it to me and I was like, that's cool as hell. So, yeah, that's one way to look at it, but also it's like, how fucking lucky are we?

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 19:03Sam Morril?

  That we get to do this stupid.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Some of the personalities in our business, you're like, I'm glad they have a couple of negative comments on there.

• 19:09Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? Like, well, who would that person be?

• 19:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  These monsters weren't coming after him a little bit. Even talking about that, like the fact that we don't think, like we, negative comments should exist is so, like our job is

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 19:23Sam Morril?

  No, they should.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  To understand human nature and the fact that we're still talking about this five years after negative comments are like, you know, is so bizarre to me. Like we're so, the narcissism to believe we never deserve any negativity ever and that we don't understand human nature. That like, it's high school, we're still in high school, everyone's just trolling each other. Bill Burr also said, he came on my podcast once and he was like, yeah, he's like, if I was 15 and I looked up, I would, and my hero was on Twitter. I could read, I'd be like, hey asshole, fuck you son.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  It's just kinda, I think we're, it's mental illness. We have, our whole thing is like, I'm neurodivergent, I have ADD. Well, this person's addicted to trolling. Why don't you have compassion for them?

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  It's inevitable.

• 20:00Sam Morril?

  But also we rate everything. Like you, Uber rated, Postmates, you know, Uber. Whatever, you rate it. I mean, that's a big part of my new hour is ratings. Like, I went to the Anne Frank house and I was like, let me go on TripAdvisor. They're rating Anne Frank.

• 20:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Sam Morril?

  They're rating her house.

• 20:15Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 20:16Sam Morril?

  Everywhere you go is rated, you know, like.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Did you look up like the Zillow, like the price of the house?

• 20:21Mark Normand?

  With an attic, oh.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  I'm here.

• 20:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  But also, like, we do it all day, every day at our, like, to protect. It's so funny that we're so blindsided by the fact that people are critical or have opinions or aren't, like, universally unctuous to us. Like, I'm like walking down the street in New York and I'm just like, this fucking asshole, this fucking idiot, this shirt guy. Like, we're doing it all day, every day in our heads, too.

• 20:41Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course. Well, I guess it annoys me because young people are like, compassion and be nice and, you know, don't fat shame. But then they'll be like, you suck.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  At the end of every episode, Ellen said, be kind.

• 20:50Sam Morril?

  We recently went, uh, we recently went viral for an Ellen clip because Chris Simmons was on here and.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  I saw it.

• 20:57Sam Morril?

  New York Post.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Brave, I saw it.

• 20:59Sam Morril?

  Fox News. Everyone's, yeah, there we go.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  And can I tell you something? It's the kind of thing, this is if we want to do gender card, it had to be a guy saying it.

• 21:08Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 21:09Speaker 01

  I don't think.

• 21:10Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  Ellen was mean to me. Like, he just is like calm. He was like, it didn't really bother me that much, but the younger.

• 21:16Sam Morril?

  I read some of those comments and they were still pretty like, you know, fuck this guy if he can't.

• 21:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 21:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, if he can't handle it. But it's like, he said he could handle it. It was other people that.

• 21:24Mark Normand?

  Right. He worked every 10 years.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  You know what it is? It's, you know, you're a movie guy, Philadelphia Story.

• 21:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, oh, classic. Jimmy Stewart.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  You know, your problem, right, is you have no tolerance for human weakness. And that's what we're doing when we're mad at people. And they're weak, sad, scared, lonely people. And we're like, fuck you guys for making comments. Like, they're just.

• 21:43Mark Normand?

  Keep commenting.

• 21:44Sam Morril?

  For some people, I mean, you worked like, I mean, you've been a boss, but you've also worked for like, you know, like Roseanne. Was that, was she a good boss?

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, awesome.

• 21:51Sam Morril?

  Come on, New York Post.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Truly awesome. It was a dream.

• 21:54Mark Normand?

  Damn it.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  I just set such a great example, uh, for everybody. Just a fan of her tweets in general.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  You know, I just, she's just, I think she's just like, just ahead of her time. Um, no, I mean, it's, look, I don't want to restart anything because she'll like make it a whole thing. But I, again, we have to have compassion for people who are. Whose brains don't function.

• 22:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  But also, I do think that, that, that, I do think fame is, breaks people's brains.

• 22:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, of course, of course.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Like, major, major, majorly. And I think that anyone that's, we just talked about ageism, and I'm not gonna bully someone who, you know, like, a lot of the Rosance, it's like, yeah, well, if you live on an island alone in Hawaii, and you're reading whatever you're, of cour-, you know, why wouldn't this happen?

• 22:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  It makes total sense, like.

• 22:36Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  You know.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  She's on a nut farm, literally.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Bless your heart.

• 22:39Sam Morril?

  I was talking to Trevor Noah once, and he said how he did the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and for, they just would clip the parts that spoke to them, so like, on MSNBC's page, it would be like, here he is making fun of Trump, and on Fox News, they'd be like, here he is shitting on Biden.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:53Sam Morril?

  And it was just, it's like, no one watched the full thing, they just watched the part where they live in their echo chamber.

• 22:58Mark Normand?

  And once their clicks on their side.

• 23:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:00Mark Normand?

  That's all it is.

• 23:01Sam Morril?

  But it's kinda interesting.

• 23:02Mark Normand?

  I do hate when people go, you know, somebody writes a mean comment, and I write like, eh, blow me, and they go, I thought you were a free speech guy. I'm like, I am, that's why I'm, I'm writing blow me. I, you know, that's my free speech.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do think a lot of times, people, and this is something I learned, maybe like, this is specific about what, sometimes people are trying to be funny.

• 23:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, of course.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  And failing miserably, and like, does not, the same way a lot of our-

• 23:24Sam Morril?

  You should've seen me in Oklahoma last weekend.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Like, a lot, a lot of our tweets, or whatever, don't translate right now.

• 23:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yours both do very well, actually, but like, sometimes theirs don't either, you know what I mean?

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  That's a good point, that's a good point.

• 23:38Sam Morril?

  Can I hit you with a peeve, actually? Cause this, this came-

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Oh, I sent peeves.

• 23:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, you do your own work.

• 23:43Sam Morril?

  Whitney is such a pro.

• 23:44Mark Normand?

  You're a pro.

• 23:45Sam Morril?

  So, so, uh, I'm hitting you with a peeve real quick. I'm flying back, I took, you know, I was flying back from Oklahoma City, and it's one of those airports where the flights, you either get a 7:00 AM out-

• 23:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:56Sam Morril?

  Or a 5:00 PM out.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:58Sam Morril?

  And you're like, I'm taking the 7:00 AM, obviously. So, I'm next to Vida, we're like, like, let's just try to doze off on the flight. There's a guy behind me, his kid's playing a video game, this is the peeve, no headphones.

• 24:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, of course.

• 24:10Sam Morril?

  Just use the headphones.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  That's not a peeve.

• 24:11Sam Morril?

  So loud, it's so loud. So I turn around and politely said, do you mind just, uh, like, headphones? And he goes, she's a baby. And I go, yeah, but you're not, you could do, you could adjust the microphone.

• 24:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, just turn it down.

• 24:23Sam Morril?

  But I'm like, and he was like, ooh, and he's like, why don't you have headphones? And I'm like, I do, and I still hear your dumb game.

• 24:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Wait, wait, walk me through, so how old was the kid?

• 24:31Sam Morril?

  Very young, but playing a video game like she doesn't know if the sound doesn't matter.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Drives me nuts. So here's my peeve about your peeve.

• 24:38Mark Normand?

  Uh oh, here we go.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  If, if you, if, if that person had just gone, I know.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Like, you would have been like, it's fine.

• 24:47Sam Morril?

  Well, here's the other thing. If it's out of your control, it's out of your control too. Where like the baby screamed the whole flight and I don't care.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how I get boners.

• 24:55Sam Morril?

  Cause it turned me on and I got off. No, I uh.

• 24:59Mark Normand?

  Woody Allen.

• 24:59Sam Morril?

  No, but no, but I understand you have a baby on a flight. They're gonna cry. It's, it can be tough.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Where are you going?

• 25:06Sam Morril?

  Exa- yeah.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  You knew a baby was coming for about a year and a half. Like where, where does your baby have to be?

• 25:10Sam Morril?

  But you know, uh, no, but that's, I'm fine with that. And he, even a couple of times like, he's like trying to call and like, I get it. You're, you're doing your best. But, but the, the noise from the machines.

• 25:19Mark Normand?

  Cause that's controllable.

• 25:20Sam Morril?

  That's controllable.

• 25:21Mark Normand?

  The baby is not.

• 25:22Sam Morril?

  The baby's not.

• 25:22Mark Normand?

  Right. That's fair.

• 25:23Sam Morril?

  It's a fair peeve.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  And by the way, your baby is a maniac because you let it on these machines. That's the other thing. It's also, you know what I mean? That's the other thing.

• 25:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Do this at home too. You're not just doing this to placate the kid on the plane.

• 25:37Mark Normand?

  Right. So you're not a screen baby lady.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Not a screen. It's just like you're training a kid to be addicted. You're giving a kid a drug that they're always gonna need.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, alright.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  When you actually need it to work, it's not gonna work. I think like the best reason to not use screens besides all the, you know, billion, like, you know, uh, neurological reasons is that when you actually need it to placate a situation, it's not gonna matter.

• 25:56Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  You don't have that like trump card, you know, but I don't do screens. Uh, yeah, we do do YouTube videos of monster truck rallies and that's pretty shit.

• 26:05Sam Morril?

  That's his favorite.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's fun. So he's not gay.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Peeve, that's a good peeve. That's a good peeve. I also like, I don't know if you guys have this like deep like pugnacious nature that you kind of never really get to act upon because we're not allowed. But when they're like, if there's a dog in a hot car, I'm like, let's go. Like Hatfield and McCoy, like ends up like.

• 26:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, the Karen pipes up.

• 26:26Speaker 01

  When it's actually justified, when it's actually like a fight that someone needs your, it's like, I get so excited. Like when there was a draft in Malibu, I was like, oh. There's something justified and you're not, you're not being a Karen.

• 26:38Mark Normand?

  Yes, no, you're not.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  So, uh, there was a guy, uh, this was on a plane. I don't know where I was going and a guy got a FaceTime call.

• 26:45Mark Normand?

  Ooh, here we go.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Hello? And the whole.

• 26:49Mark Normand?

  What race? Cause that factors in.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 26:53Mark Normand?

  You don't know?

• 26:54Speaker 01

  I might know, but not enough to be able to defend whatever you're about to do.

• 26:58Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  As I slide out of frame.

• 26:59Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  And I think it was actually like Jersey Italian.

• 27:03Mark Normand?

  Alright, that's white.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Honestly, it was Jersey Italian.

• 27:06Sam Morril?

  Thank God, that could have gotten ugly.

• 27:07Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Hello, in the hole, and I was like, I got it. Like, please let me, like, please let me do it. Like, I never get to do that.

• 27:15Sam Morril?

  Mark, Mark literally laughs, I'm super comfortable with confrontation and he's not. We made it a part of a movie we wrote, where like, he can't, he can't do it, yeah, it's.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  I have so many movie ideas, I wanna you guys.

• 27:25Mark Normand?

  I picture myself losing if I confront the guy.

• 27:28Sam Morril?

  Well, if you do it politely, then they're in the right, I mean, you don't do it to like, pick a battle, you do it just be like, hey, like, we're a society.

• 27:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 27:35Sam Morril?

  You have to be a civilized member of the society.

• 27:38Mark Normand?

  That's true, so what happened? Did he cut you, did he hit you?

• 27:41Speaker 01

  But I just love being like, I volunteer as tribute.

• 27:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Everyone in that moment is like, they're, they become like, whatever childhood they had.

• 27:48Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Who's fight, who's flight, who's freeze, and I always fight, and I'm like, I got it.

• 27:54Mark Normand?

  Dan, and did he shut it down?

• 27:56Speaker 01

  I, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:57Mark Normand?

  Okay, cause those are talents.

• 27:58Sam Morril?

  How do you say it?

• 27:59Speaker 01

  I'm the person who like, if someone brings out perfume on a plane, I'm like, oh, excuse me, ma'am. People get migraines, like, the answer's no.

• 28:06Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:08Mark Normand?

  I'm impressed.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  My thing is, I don't really say much, I think you just go like, you have to just mean it, and you just wait, you have to just wait there and stare at them until they stop.

• 28:16Mark Normand?

  This should be a service, I should be able to like, call you.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  Dude, like, task rabbit?

• 28:19Mark Normand?

  Yes, rabbit.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  I wanted to do a, um, cause so.

• 28:24Sam Morril?

  It's four minutes away.

• 28:25Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  And I was just gonna say like, tisk rabbit, which is not at all, um, funny, but.

• 28:30Mark Normand?

  It's closer to the word, though.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, and exactly, as comics, you're like, it's close to the word, it's always funny.

• 28:35Mark Normand?

  Better, better.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Uh, so many people, I wanna just like, solve all the things so many people are complaining about, like, uh, the other thing I feel like everyone's complaining, it's like, everyone's listening to my, taking my data, listening, my phone's listening.

• 28:46Mark Normand?

  Taking my information.

• 28:47Sam Morril?

  It is listening.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  I was like, I know, but I was like, dude, I just, I don't know why everyone's so confused about this, like, you just throw it off. Feed it data, do you know what I'm saying?

• 28:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 28:57Sam Morril?

  You just lie in everyday interactions?

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Everyday, I'm like, so like. Is it possible to eat too much kale? Like, I'm about to go for a jog. Like, if it's our, if it's our insurance.

• 29:04Mark Normand?

  Great point.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Do you know, so I was like, what about starting a business where people will just talk around your phone?

• 29:08Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  While you're doing something to just throw off your bad behavior.

• 29:13Sam Morril?

  What's upsetting you? Is it the ads or the fact that they know, you know they're listening?

• 29:17Mark Normand?

  You know they're listening, it's ominous.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  I think with real people.

• 29:20Mark Normand?

  Scary.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  If I, I don't know. Correct me if I'm wrong, I know you guys well, which is like, I think it's more about your buying habits and the things you do affecting like your ability to get health insurance and stuff like that.

• 29:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Like, they can tell if you have a drinking problem by like how you.

• 29:35Mark Normand?

  They say they know it's, knows you're gay before you do. That's true.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Pregnant and all that.

• 29:38Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:38Mark Normand?

  I take my wife's phone when she's in the shower and I go, fake tits, fake tits, fake tits. Just to really get that, that ad going.

• 29:45Sam Morril?

  They know if we have a drinking problem, Mark? Our podcast is called We Might Be Drunk.

• 29:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 29:49Sam Morril?

  You guys might have a problem.

• 29:50Mark Normand?

  We sell whiskey.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  No, but they can like, if you're using a mouse, like older men and women, when they use mice. Oh my God, this is so funny that I'm paraphrasing something in a way where the words aren't used. Like, a mouse is my, is more than one mouse for a computer called mice?

• 30:07Mark Normand?

  Well, it's never more than one.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  You would say the mouses.

• 30:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the mouse.

• 30:10Sam Morril?

  Mouses.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  I've never said plural of.

• 30:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  It's the first time I've ever said more than one mouse.

• 30:16Sam Morril?

  Mouses.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Uh, mouses.

• 30:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  That they can tell if you have onset, like Parkinson's, drinking problem, and they can drive your insurance up. Yeah, because they can see. Do you know that they're just trying to pass this law in California now that it's the first law that they've ever had?

• 30:32Speaker 01

  That Uber is no longer allowed to charge you more because they know your phone has low battery.

• 30:39Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's a new law.

• 30:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:41Mark Normand?

  Holy.

• 30:42Sam Morril?

  There was that one time they, they did the price gouging during a mass shooting.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. They can.

• 30:48Sam Morril?

  That's crazy. Because it just, because it was just because it's like a weird, I don't know what the word, if algorithm is the word, but some weird like, you know, robotic thing. They're like, oh no, everyone wants it right now.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  More demand, oh well, more demand, yeah. But it's like, if your battery is low, they know you're just going to accept any fare because you don't have battery.

• 31:05Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's genius.

• 31:06Sam Morril?

  I didn't know they were able to do that.

• 31:08Mark Normand?

  I didn't either.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  No one makes money doing the right thing. You can't make, how else would they make money?

• 31:13Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  If it was fair.

• 31:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Um, am I on the roll up? Yeah, I'm on the roll up. Yeah, I just took like, uh, summers, I've just started kinda taking down.

• 31:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'll do a few, but it's like.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  July and August, I did the great outdoors, like the Canada shows, which were awesome. Those are awesome. I love those. But I think just like going to, it's just, everyone's hot. It's just like.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  I just like, think it's more fun to kinda like do in the fall, so I'm taking.

• 31:36Mark Normand?

  Also, you go to like a Buffalo is a great comedy town, but in the summer, they're like, we have two seconds of sun.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  And it's like swampy cereal. What's the cereal plant that's very there?

• 31:46Mark Normand?

  General Mills.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  I think it's General Mills plant, it's right there. It's just like, um, but what are your other pet peeves?

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, wait, I got, I got one.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  You know I love, you know I love structure.

• 31:55Mark Normand?

  And then you have some. Okay. This one's gonna be mean, so buckle up. Cause I feel guilty, but it's, it's the truth. It hurts.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  The Palestine kids are dumb.

• 32:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's all fake, but, uh, I had a flight. I got bumped up to first class. Very exciting. Now, I'm in the window seat. It's the two seats. First class, cushy, big armrest, uh, big console in the middle, nice seats. I get up, the lady goes, you can move on up, sir, to one B. I'm like, ooh, I got the window, first class, first row. I get up there, the fattest man on the planet.

• 32:33Sam Morril?

  I knew this was gonna be a fat one.

• 32:34Mark Normand?

  The biggest guy.

• 32:36Sam Morril?

  When Mark said, when Mark said this is gonna be mean, I knew it was gonna be a fat thing.

• 32:39Mark Normand?

  And I feel about fat the same way I feel about smoking. Do whatever the hell you want with your body, but when it's affecting me, now we got a problem. This is secondhand fat. So he's got.

• 32:49Sam Morril?

  So you, so this is, we have, have similar issues. It's both a flight issue, both an issue where we're affected.

• 32:55Mark Normand?

  And he can control how much he eats. See, why do we hate billionaires so much? If we don't, we should also hate the obese.

• 33:01Sam Morril?

  Wait, why, why are you running away for this one?

• 33:03Mark Normand?

  Cause she's fat.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  I didn't know, cause I didn't want the chips to make noise.

• 33:08Mark Normand?

  What a pro, huh?

• 33:09Speaker 01

  But I really needed some chips.

• 33:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, so did he, cause this guy was a mess.

• 33:13Sam Morril?

  Was he eating on the flight?

• 33:14Mark Normand?

  He didn't stop eating from the moment we took off and it was so sad, cause he's got the fat coming out here, so his arm has to sit on the fat. So now his arm is on my shoulder, cause he's so fat. Beyond obese, yeah.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  Isn't there something about like that level of obesity that it's like, I don't want to say not a choice, but like it's something dark is going on.

• 33:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, completely, completely. That's why I feel bad. But again, we hate the billionaires because they don't need all that. I'm like, he doesn't need all that. He doesn't need a gummy bear every second.

• 33:43Sam Morril?

  I know, but a billionaire has a lot of advantages. Being that fat sucks.

• 33:47Mark Normand?

  I know, but then why do it?

• 33:48Sam Morril?

  I don't think it's a disease. I think it's hard to quit.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Also, some of it is about getting abused as a kid, making yourself unattractive and unmolestable.

• 33:58Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Or something. Like alexjones.scienc.net. I believe that's where I learned that.

• 34:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, my wife wasn't abused. But yes, but it was huge. And then the lady comes by and goes, we have a meal option. It was early flight. So she goes, we have a frittata, we have a granola with yogurt, and we have French toast drizzled with honey and syrup. And he goes, I'll take the French toast. And I'm like, come on, man. You have to get the fattest meal with all the sugar and the carbs and everything.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Where do we land on, like, I guess, women, like, the body positivity? Did that ever?

• 34:32Sam Morril?

  That's over. That's over.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Oh, no, clearly. But did men even get any benefit in that or no?

• 34:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we got the dad bods for a while. Women will be like, he's got a dad bod. And it's like, cute. And by the way, they post pictures of like Jason Momoa. And I'm like, he's literally an action star, not working out for like a week and a half. It's not a dad bod. He's, he looks amazing.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  My guy is like, like burly like that. And I love it. It's not like a belly, but it's like, he's like, not abs. I don't like abs. The oppo, beefy. I love husky beefy.

• 35:04Mark Normand?

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• 35:47Mark Normand?

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• 35:59Sam Morril?

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• 36:41Sam Morril?

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• 36:55Mark Normand?

  We are joined by NoCD. People like to say they have OCD all the time. "Oh, I'm so OCD. I like my desk neat." Real OCD is nothing like that. It's full of terrifying thoughts you can't control that make you question who you are and rituals you do in an attempt to feel better or prevent something bad from happening. It's overwhelming. That's why there's NoCD. NoCD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider. They'll match you up with a licensed therapist who can help. OCD is a serious and highly misunderstood condition, but the right kind of help from a specialized therapist who is truly understanding of what you're experiencing and is trained to treat it. OCD is extremely manageable.

• 37:38Mark Normand?

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• 38:21Sam Morril?

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• 39:03Sam Morril?

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• 39:26Mark Normand?

  See, that doesn't look bad on a momoa. That's like just a standard dude.

• 39:30Sam Morril?

  He just looks good.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  But here's it, like, women, like, if I sit next to, on a plane, a girl who's like really, really thin, like, I know what's going on. If I see a, like, I know. Like, if I look at a, I see, do, guys, don't you know? That's why I'm not winging it.

• 39:43Mark Normand?

  What do you mean? What do you mean, no?

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Like, don't you kind of know psychologically what's going on with this man if you were really to just go like, what's, what's up?

• 39:49Mark Normand?

  No, we don't think, we're not as tuned in as the ladies.

• 39:52Sam Morril?

  No, he's literally just annoyed that he has to share a room right now.

• 39:56Mark Normand?

  And then here's the worst part. To go pee, he had to do this one. This is when you know you're 8 million pounds.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Oh, that's such a bum.

• 40:07Mark Normand?

  He had to like propel himself.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  But that was incredibly athletic.

• 40:10Mark Normand?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 40:11Sam Morril?

  I've never seen you do an act that before.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  That was it, by the way.

• 40:14Sam Morril?

  I've never seen Mark.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  I'm so impressed. Actually, that should be your thing.

• 40:17Mark Normand?

  I studied it. I was like obsessed with this man.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Maybe quit leaning on a wall.

• 40:20Sam Morril?

  You're gonna, Mark, Mark's studying him. He's gonna be in a whale like Brendan Fraser movie. Mark is, Mark's just like, and the Oscar, and the Oscars for best actor, Mark going.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  He was prepared to do stand up in LA once.

• 40:33Mark Normand?

  You know what's funny about the whale is you're not supposed to play a gay character if you're not gay, unless you're nine million pounds. Cause he was gay in that movie.

• 40:40Sam Morril?

  They just, they were just, by the way, I always have an issue with movies like that.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  You guys, all actors are gay. What do you do?

• 40:44Sam Morril?

  I know, but those aren't, but those, when you're, it's like not even based on a real story and you're like, let's just give this guy the worst life of all time.

• 40:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:50Sam Morril?

  It's like, what screenwriter is just like, she was gonna be 900 pounds?

• 40:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:55Sam Morril?

  Uh, his daughter hates him, right?

• 40:57Speaker 01

  As the whale?

• 40:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there he is.

• 40:59Sam Morril?

  I didn't even see it because I'm like, I don't want it, like, nothing about this is like, this is gonna be a good time.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Don't you think he should play Rodney Dangerfield?

• 41:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I can see it. This guy.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Not, is not as the whale, but just Brendan Fraser, Brendan Fraser.

• 41:12Sam Morril?

  Rodney Dangerfield is a fat gay guy.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:15Sam Morril?

  I'll tell you, I can't move in this chair. I've never been this fat in my life. No one will fuck me. I can't see my dick.

• 41:22Mark Normand?

  I can't get no prep.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  I don't know the, yeah, that, I don't know the logic on that.

• 41:27Mark Normand?

  The fat?

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was crazy.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  When you see people that are like, you know, someone to you and you're like, oh, they're, they wanna lose, or you see them or die, or you're like, they're, but when you see people that have, um, committed to it.

• 41:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Like they've got the fanny, they've got, they, they're like, this is me forever.

• 41:42Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Mentality.

• 41:44Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  Does that make sense?

• 41:45Sam Morril?

  I think everyone's got their, their vice. And I think for certain people, like, food is an addiction and obesity is a disease, the way alcoholism or gambling is a disease. I think, like gambling, you don't see people, it doesn't show on your body.

• 41:58Mark Normand?

  That's what it is.

• 41:59Sam Morril?

  Unless you get your legs broken.

• 42:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:00Sam Morril?

  But it doesn't show on your body. But like, food is, it is a vice.

• 42:04Speaker 01

  Oh, I used to have serious, like, like overeating stuff.

• 42:06Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 42:07Speaker 01

  And for me, it was like, it's a control thing and it's an, for me, it was an isolation thing. Like, I would binge, but I wouldn't throw up. Like, I would eat a lot and make myself like sick and then like cancel whatever, like if I had a plan. And then I like have to cancel it. It was like a, it was like a social anxiety thing or something.

• 42:24Mark Normand?

  That's dark.

• 42:24Sam Morril?

  What's your thing now, do you think?

• 42:26Speaker 01

  That's a great question.

• 42:28Mark Normand?

  Propaval?

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Because I love that your joke is still. The person that does the most drugs.

• 42:36Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Punchline is Whitney and her drugs.

• 42:39Mark Normand?

  I do love drugs.

• 42:40Sam Morril?

  Do you not do a lot of pills?

• 42:41Speaker 01

  No, I'm sober. I'm sober. I've been sober for three years. Yeah. It's not like a, it was, look, the pandemic was like, you know.

• 42:48Sam Morril?

  What made you just be like, I'm gonna be sober?

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Well, I never did drugs or anything before the pandemic and then everyone's like doing edibles and truly every comic in LA, like in their pocket, they have like, um, like a, like a Ziploc bag of, of a brownie that is

• 43:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  wrapped in a wrapper from like the same guys that made like the Five Hour Energy Drink logo. It's like, there's, it's just like red and there's like planets on it and they're like, here's, and it's medicine though, but it's medicine.

• 43:15Mark Normand?

  Medicine.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  So then I was like, oh yeah, like everyone thinks I'm so like manic and work too hard and all this stuff. And I'm like, I should like chill out.

• 43:21Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  I should like smoke weed. Like, oh, you guys smoke weed and do mushrooms? And that was like doubled down on me being like, like that did not chill me out.

• 43:30Sam Morril?

  The LA scene will peer press you into weed. I've done shows, how many shows has the store been popped in on?

• 43:34Speaker 01

  But you're healing. It's all like Tuesday night at midnight, you are heal. This cocaine is pure.

• 43:39Sam Morril?

  But you've done those shows where like, there's like 40 gift bags of just weed. I'm like, I mean, I feel weird.

• 43:43Mark Normand?

  What are you doing?

• 43:44Sam Morril?

  I feel weird not taking it.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:46Sam Morril?

  I'm like, do I know any pot? I think I can just give it to you.

• 43:47Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Oh, you're toxic. You don't want to heal. Like you're not chill. Like you're such a workaholic. You want, it is weird. And I think I was just so like, oh, I think I work too hard. Well, my parents are dying. Like I should do this. And then I, there was a window where edibles did help me with sleep.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they worked with sleep.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  And then my whole thing was like, I'm not addicted to weed. I'm addicted to sleep.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  And then they got way too strong and way too unpredictable. And like one day it'd be great. Two days later, it would hit you like so hard.

• 44:14Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  To like, what are all these texts? Like why?

• 44:17Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 44:18Speaker 01

  Uh oh. Like, why did I schedule a call with the maritime lawyer trying to figure out where the Scientology ships are? Like, it was like that. And so I'm just too manic, I think, for it. But it was, and I think that when you're like us, you can, you guys really are able to like be fun. I think for me, I just did too many podcasts for four hours where I was. Like, ah, like.

• 44:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  But it also stayed with a lot of times when I did that, I think you were actually on one that it was like me, you and Yanis or something.

• 44:44Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  And I hadn't, if you take an edible the day before, you're still just weird.

• 44:49Sam Morril?

  That's why I hate them, because they're in your bloodstream.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  And I had gone off Prozac. And Prozac is, that's my, fifteen milligrams Prozac.

• 44:56Sam Morril?

  Did that help a lot?

• 44:57Speaker 01

  I just do that, to just close the loop on my, like, an obsessive brain.

• 45:02Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 45:03Sam Morril?

  Well, do you think you have advice, like, even like, maybe working out is advice for you, I don't know?

• 45:08Speaker 01

  I definitely have, yeah, that. Um, what's your, what, yours, would you say drinking?

• 45:14Sam Morril?

  Probably.

• 45:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  I think overcommitting myself to things is definitely, oh, like, it, it, I think the vice would be like, it makes your life unmanageable, or it's like a bad thing, right?

• 45:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  I think it's, um, it would be that. I'll overcommit to things, like, I'll be like, yeah, I'm gonna do this show for Skylar Stone in Long Beach next week.

• 45:32Mark Normand?

  I do the same thing.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  I'm not going to this show. I know, we all know I'm not going.

• 45:36Mark Normand?

  He told me you were going, that's why I did it. What the hell?

• 45:38Speaker 01

  I'm can't, like, this is, I think, once your, like, vices get dorkier, it's like that.

• 45:43Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  And then it's like, I start feeling this adrenaline and shame, and then I'm like, ah, I'm not gonna cancel, you know, I'll do it. I'll just, I'll just go watch.

• 45:48Sam Morril?

  That's another peeve, is people not taking no for an answer. Like, I feel like part of the reason you, you do that is because maybe this person's asked you to do it twelve times, and you're like, dude.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  It's jury duty. We're not doing jury duty stand-up.

• 46:00Sam Morril?

  I, I had a guy hit me up, I'm doing Vegas, uh, in September, and he was like, I like the guy a lot, too.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:07Sam Morril?

  But he was like, let's go see David Blaine before, and I go, he goes, I'll bring you backstage, you'll meet him. I go, I'm good, I got, I wanna, like, be ready for the show. And he's like, oh, come on, it's David Blaine, you gotta go. And I'm like,

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:18Sam Morril?

  I wrote, alright, maybe. I'm still gonna say no, I'm just trying to stop the negotiation.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  How come when a guy does this with the girl with sex, it's illegal?

• 46:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, hey, tell me about it.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  But if I'm making you meet a magician, that's so much worse.

• 46:31Mark Normand?

  That's super good.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? You wanna meet a magician?

• 46:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'll make you disappear.

• 46:36Sam Morril?

  David Blaine, come on, suck my cock, no.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  No means no.

• 46:38Sam Morril?

  Come on, why can't you suck my cock? Alright, maybe.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Well, this is the whole thing, whenever I was like, like, like, Louis CK is like, doing whatever he's doing in offices. I'm like, a comic in Pens, the Laughing Skull just asked me to do a free show four times in a row. Shouldn't we cancel them?

• 46:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Shouldn't I cancel Steve Hofstadter for all these emails?

• 46:57Mark Normand?

  Right, at least a jerk off ends.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 46:59Mark Normand?

  There's a finish to it.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  And so, yeah, so I, for me, I think it's a little bit of like that, like shame hit, that adrenaline hit.

• 47:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  And then I'm like, like, oh, I'm gonna just spend the day in Long Beach. Like, I should go there and shoot some content. It's like the, it's all the same thing, the delusional, you know, kinda thing, but um, I really don't, I, I'm sure there is.

• 47:17Mark Normand?

  That's a good one, that's a good one.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  I gotta say, I am a little bit, um, I don't think I have like the shopping thing, cause I buy like vintage stuff. But I'm a little bit, and maybe having a kid is, cause every drug, like, you can talk yourself into anything. It's like people are like, no, red wine's good for, it's healthy.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  We'll always find a thing.

• 47:35Sam Morril?

  I heard, I heard Andrew Huberman on, on Bill Maher being like, uh, I heard him being like, uh, two drinks, two drinks a week max.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, no, max.

• 47:46Sam Morril?

  He's like, that's the ma- he's like, two drinks a week max. I'm like.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  Killing every guy's roofie game.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  This is, this is the second one this week, though.

• 47:57Mark Normand?

  Well, she needs a drink, not you, technically, but yeah.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  But my new thing is like, I have to go on eBay and find the monster truck, the gravedigger that's green. Cause I already have two, and what if he loses them? So it might be like hoarding.

• 48:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get you.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  I'm like buy, like.

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  You're a hoarder a little bit?

• 48:13Speaker 01

  No, I think I'm just like.

• 48:14Sam Morril?

  But your place, I've seen your place, it's like, it seems so neat.

• 48:16Mark Normand?

  Pristine.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh yeah, no, I think that when you're a hoarder and you're, if you organize them well, it's a collection. That's the, that's like the work of, it's like a sommelier, it's like, I'm not an alcoholic.

• 48:25Sam Morril?

  That's like a Dimitri Martin joke.

• 48:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:28Sam Morril?

  I like that, that was a good, I like that.

• 48:29Mark Normand?

  That's great, that's great.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  But yeah, so it's like that, and so I'm using my child to feed my adrenaline addiction of like, ordering.

• 48:37Sam Morril?

  But overcommitting is also, I think, a sign of someone who's like, a workaholic.

• 48:41Mark Normand?

  People please?

• 48:42Sam Morril?

  People please, but also like, you can't stop working.

• 48:44Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 48:45Sam Morril?

  Like, cause you do seem like you work non-stop.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  That's really interesting, like, people say that about me, like, I, I think, I, I don't know how to answer that, except, the, the trick about workaholism is oftentimes you're actually not getting anything done. You conflate busyness with actual productivity.

• 49:00Mark Normand?

  That's bad.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Which is why we have a typewriter bond over here, which is like, last night, I left my, okay, so, I take cabs. That's my kink. Maybe this is my vibe.

• 49:10Sam Morril?

  Over Ubers, you mean?

• 49:11Speaker 01

  I take cabs.

• 49:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, me too.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  I love, okay, I love cabs.

• 49:14Sam Morril?

  I've taken Ubers, but like, it's only in like a must do situ- I prefer the cab.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Dude, I divide people in who takes cabs and who doesn't, because I can only really attune to people that take cabs. People that don't take cabs, like, don't know what's going on in the world.

• 49:25Mark Normand?

  But they're not, not everywhere. Are you talking about New York?

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Anytime I go to a city, I try to.

• 49:29Mark Normand?

  You call the company.

• 49:30Speaker 01

  Nope, you just go out the airport. Usually there's a cab right there.

• 49:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, the airport, okay, okay.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  It's the fastest, like, no one's giving- this is where I get my news. Mikey's been with me where I'm like, "Where are you from?" You're like, "Ukraine." I'm like, "What's going on?" "Can you tell me?" Because this is what I've heard. And he's like, "What?" Like, that's the only way.

• 49:45Mark Normand?

  You got a white cab driver? Get the hell out of here, Ukraine, come on.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  St. Louis. It's like, when you have boots on the ground, I'm like, "Where are you from?"

• 49:53Sam Morril?

  Look at a female cab driver. What's going on with Roe v. Wade?

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess.

• 49:56Sam Morril?

  What's happening there?

• 49:57Speaker 01

  She's like, "Why do you think I'm driving this cab?" And so, uh, last night, I get in, get this cab, and, uh, give him cash. Because I'm like, "Oh, a credit card, you know, it takes whatever, a hundred bucks, I can get a tip him, whatever, drops me off." I get inside where I am, and I'm like, "I left my laptop in that cab." Left my laptop in that cab.

• 50:15Sam Morril?

  That's brutal.

• 50:15Mark Normand?

  With Uber, you could attract it.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Uber, I could, and if I paid by credit card, I could have gotten the phone number of, so I'm just like, just total raw dog. All I have is find my iPhone. I have to find my device.

• 50:27Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay, that's something.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  So it says it's like near Madison Square Garden, I'm like, "Great." So I get in another cab, I'm chasing the, the find my, whatever, and I'm like, "No, I'm like, did you, did you drive me or, did me? Anything?" Like, just, and I was like, "This is addiction, this is so," it was like midnight, and then I'm on, uh, uh, this street between like a bodega and something else, and it said it's right here, which means it might have just been last open there. There's a backpack on the street, okay? There's like all kinds of crazy characters on. I was like, opened the backpack, I'm looking at it, and I was like, "I could literally get murdered right," this is the most drug addict behavior. All these drug addicts sitting around, and I'm the one that's like, "Where's my laptop?"

• 51:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Where's the thing I can easily replace and back up remotely at any point? Like, I don't need this right now. And I was like, "This is really dark."

• 51:16Mark Normand?

  That is dark.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  And I just was like- You know what? You can have it. Whoever wants it, take it. If he got, good for him. He'll go sell it, whatever.

• 51:24Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  And then I got home and I was like, I felt so liberated. I was like, oh my God, I'm like writing a notebook.

• 51:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  Cause so much, many times I'm on my computer and I'm like, iMessage and da da da. And I'm like, I need to Google this for a joke to see what Bernie Man really looks like to write. Cause I can't write this joke unless I read the Substack about like nonsense, delusion, jokes aren't actually getting written, scripts actually aren't.

• 51:44Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  So I'm like, I'm gonna write in a notebook. This is gonna be so good. No distractions. I wake up this morning. She's like, hey, they dropped off your laptop. I was like, shit.

• 51:51Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  I'm so pissed. And like the idea that this cab driver was like, I don't want this thing like tracks your data. Like I don't wanna like.

• 51:59Mark Normand?

  What a sweet guy.

• 51:59Sam Morril?

  How do you, how do you find?

• 52:00Speaker 01

  They don't even want it anymore. Well, he knew where he dropped me off.

• 52:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  So it drops like at the front desk.

• 52:05Mark Normand?

  Oh my God.

• 52:05Sam Morril?

  That's a great guy.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  But they don't steal. I'm like, you're not even gonna steal this?

• 52:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:08Sam Morril?

  You sound like, you sound like you have bad ADD. It sounds like you're like, do you take anything for ADD?

• 52:13Speaker 01

  I'm not the person for, I don't really believe that stuff.

• 52:15Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 52:15Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 52:16Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 52:17Mark Normand?

  You haven't talked to you.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  You haven't been interesting to me.

• 52:22Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  No, I don't not believe it. I just think it's like.

• 52:28Mark Normand?

  Free speech.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  It's like ADD, OC, all this stuff is like, I think it was all really useful to us like a thousand years ago. And now we're all just like, you know.

• 52:37Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  We're living in an environment.

• 52:38Sam Morril?

  Nick Griffin's got that great bit, you know, we're overstimulated, you know? It's like, there's cheese in our crust. Everything, you know?

• 52:45Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 52:45Sam Morril?

  You know that bit where he's like, everything, you know, PSP, all this stuff. Your kid's not, he doesn't have ADD, he's paying attention.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:53Sam Morril?

  That's the bit.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, well also as a parent, I don't know if you noticed, but like.

• 52:55Sam Morril?

  I butchered it. But look up Nick Griffin's.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Everything that used to feel like hypervigilance and ADD for me like comes in so handy now that I have a kid. Cause I'm like da da da da da. Like I'm.

• 53:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, right.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Not one problem. Hasn't hit his head on one corner. I refuse to baby proof that, so. I think that table's too heavy. It was too expensive. You're gonna have to just walk around it, sir.

• 53:13Mark Normand?

  I like it.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  But like it's all the things that made me used to think I was crazy. Like I'll just like, like it's become superpowers when you have a kid.

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  That's great. I mean, that's when you need it.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  All the things that are so crazy about women, once they have a kid, you're like, oh, thank God you're that nuts.

• 53:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, it's like autism. They go, oh, you're autistic. And I'm like, well, that's why I know every capital, too.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:32Mark Normand?

  So there are upsides to it.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  You mean smarter than you? Like, I don't, I have yet to, like, I was diagnosed with autism. I beat it.

• 53:38Mark Normand?

  All right, I got a weird one.

• 53:39Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 53:39Mark Normand?

  You're talking about vices and weird vices. I'll do a thing where I'll hear something. Like, I heard, uh, you gotta put a spoonful of salt in your water every morning. Is it like, get your blood flow?

• 53:49Sam Morril?

  Can we look that up? Is that good?

• 53:50Mark Normand?

  And I bought this, like, uh, crazy Himalayan sea salt, and I would put it in the water, and I was, it like, hurt me. I almost had to go to the hospital, because I had just, I was dehydrated. I was eating so much salt. But I bought it.

• 54:02Sam Morril?

  Were you not doing it right?

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Can I bum you out?

• 54:04Mark Normand?

  It was one of these Huberman things.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  I do think-

• 54:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, there we go. Helps replenish the lost electrolytes!

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 54:11Mark Normand?

  But I think I overdid it.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Which this study is paid for by what? Hydrate, the little powder salt patches?

• 54:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Like, it's like-

• 54:17Sam Morril?

  Those taste pretty good, though.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  I don't mind them. The thing is, I think the, is it Himalayan or Himalayan? I don't, it's Himalayan, right?

• 54:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, geez. I think it's Himalayan.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  Someone, I did say one time, the Himalayan sea salt, and the person went, Himalayan sea salt coming right, like, instant correction. I was like-

• 54:30Sam Morril?

  It sucks when you, when someone points out something so obvious.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Oh, when you're like Caribbean, and like, I love the Caribbean.

• 54:34Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Come on, you could've just said it the way I said it, like, mirror neurons, anything. Um, but Gary Brekka talks about how that-

• 54:41Mark Normand?

  He's good.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Actually, only Celtic sea salt doesn't have, because that salt is from the water that's full of mercury.

• 54:48Sam Morril?

  We've seen the people, people who go to the beach, and they fill it up with water, the, the water from the beach, and then they put it in a pan, and they cook it, and they're like, salt, and you're like, that's not how you're supposed to do it.

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  I've never heard of that. Wow.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  Interesting. But wait, so it hurt, oh-

• 55:01Mark Normand?

  So, yeah, so another thing I did was, I heard that, uh, banana peels are good for, like, your yard. So every day, I would just throw out a big patch of dirt in my front, front yard, and I would just throw banana peels in it. And my wife was like, we have thirty-eight dead banana peels sitting on dirt. What are you doing? And I'm like, I heard it's good for the soil. And she's like, yeah, you gotta dig in and put the banana peel or cut them up.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  I take, I take back what I said about autism. You are autistic, in a way that is, um, that Rick Glassman pretends to be. Um, but-

• 55:26Sam Morril?

  No, Rick is fucking autistic.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No, but, um-

• 55:30Sam Morril?

  Rick is certainly autistic.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  It's funny, because the, the, putting the salt in every morning, it is funny, because it would be like, or don't drink at, like, noon.

• 55:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 55:40Speaker 01

  You're like salt. Exactly. The things we do to like whack a mole.

• 55:43Mark Normand?

  Right. So true.

• 55:45Sam Morril?

  I always think when I hear these studies like, don't, you know, you can only have two drinks a week. I'm like, oh, I get sunlight and I go to the gym.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  But how am I gonna get water?

• 55:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Hydrate, you know?

• 55:53Mark Normand?

  It's a vodka and coke.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  And I remember one time I did have a therapist say like, smoking might be good for you every now and then because at least you'll be taking deep breaths.

• 56:01Mark Normand?

  That's a bit. That's great.

• 56:03Sam Morril?

  That's David Tell's doctor?

• 56:05Speaker 01

  It's the only way to like, so like drinking might be good for you because you'll be making less, yeah. Well, Guinness is supposed to be.

• 56:11Mark Normand?

  Ah, I looked that up too.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  Oh, really? Because when I had a baby nurse, she said.

• 56:14Sam Morril?

  This is like facts for dumbasses.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  To help with, you mean a podcast? Comedians, comedians giving health advice? It's all batshit crazy.

• 56:23Sam Morril?

  I heard it tells trainer, he saw this trainer for kettlebells and he sees this one trainer because the guy lets him smoke during sessions.

• 56:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 56:30Sam Morril?

  Which is amazing.

• 56:32Speaker 01

  Also though, if we're alive, take advice from us. Like, you know what I'm saying? If we've managed to survive our lifestyle and what we're doing.

• 56:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Mark's drinking in the afternoon and I'm, I barely made it here from a hangover.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Um, alright, what's another?

• 56:45Mark Normand?

  And you beat us sadly.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Okay, can you get, here's my pet peeve.

• 56:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'd beat you guys.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  Your producer putting up my bio.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  On a screen.

• 56:52Sam Morril?

  Well, she's gotta leave in 15.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  I have 15 minutes.

• 56:54Sam Morril?

  I want to hear, we've even heard.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Because I'm going to the Eagles game.

• 56:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  Um.

• 56:57Sam Morril?

  Whitney's a football fan.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  Uh, peeves. Okay, my peeves, I did send them in, oh, where should I start? Okay, well, we kind of talked about this a little bit. I, being negative about things that dumb people like.

• 57:10Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Like Labubus, why can't they just have their little?

• 57:14Mark Normand?

  What's a Labubu?

• 57:15Sam Morril?

  They're like the little stuffed things, right?

• 57:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, like a Beanie Baby?

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Why is like, why can't they just have?

• 57:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a lot of them have it.

• 57:20Sam Morril?

  Are people trash them because are they super expensive? Is that why they're getting trashed?

• 57:23Speaker 01

  It's like, it's like a Beanie Baby.

• 57:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  It's like another one of these sort of like hype things that gives you clout if you have one and you're closer on your thing and it makes you feel special and you know, it's obviously, you know, like this, it's a trauma response to something. But people like collect them and I'm kind of like, good for you.

• 57:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we're on the.

• 57:41Sam Morril?

  Let's get a Labubu in studio, dude.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  By the way, it's actually.

• 57:44Sam Morril?

  I kind of want a Labubu in here.

• 57:45Mark Normand?

  It's better than Honey Boo Boo.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  It's such a, it's like so off brand and random. Yeah.

• 57:50Mark Normand?

  Seven grand.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  I'm, yeah, oh, it's a whole thing.

• 57:52Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  It's like number two of mania. It's like that. It's like a bubble.

• 57:55Sam Morril?

  It's got a fake LaBooBoo in here.

• 57:57Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  It's the end of society because adults are collecting LaBooBoo.

• 58:00Mark Normand?

  Nah, no.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  This actually might be the thing that holds the most value.

• 58:03Sam Morril?

  It's like when I see, it's like when I see a super rich guy be like, like Jake Paul or someone wearing a Pokemon card around his neck.

• 58:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:10Sam Morril?

  What are you doing?

• 58:11Mark Normand?

  That's weird.

• 58:11Sam Morril?

  You're so rich.

• 58:12Mark Normand?

  That's weird.

• 58:13Sam Morril?

  Why, why this?

• 58:14Mark Normand?

  It's a flex because that's probably like a $10 million car or something.

• 58:16Sam Morril?

  I know, but it's just like you could, I guess he has bought everything else. I guess you, you're that rich, you're just bored and you're like, I'll just get whatever weird thing.

• 58:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  I, well, this is actually the weirdest, like, thing about Ellen that I had no, when you went to Ellen's, like, studio or, I remember one time I, like, hosted and there was, like, in her office, she had, um, a vintage fencing costume? From like the 1600s.

• 58:40Sam Morril?

  Should be the interns with it.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Which, but it was like, God knows how much it cost. Like, it was like some southern, and you're just like, what's, is this just like, like, what is the?

• 58:49Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? All these people that are making like five grand a week or whatever, working hard, they're just like, this is, like, you just have so much money.

• 58:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Is this my, like, you could have gotten a fake one too, or had nothing in this corner.

• 59:00Mark Normand?

  You could put it at your house. It had to be at the office.

• 59:02Sam Morril?

  In Ted where Joel McHale's character is just showing off his wealth and he's doing all these paintings and then he, and then he gets to one and he goes, that's Lance Armstrong's nut bronze. That's just flex. For some reason that just hit me so hard.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  I think true wealth now is buying something that you don't even want just so someone else can't have it.

• 59:21Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  It's, that's LaBooBoo's too. It's like, I don't even want this, but I don't want you to have it.

• 59:25Mark Normand?

  I got your insulin, bitch.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  That's it. That's it. That's like Ellen, I feel like she was just like, I don't even want this, but like, I don't want someone else to get it. Like, that's the thing.

• 59:33Sam Morril?

  Pharma bro, AIDS medication.

• 59:34Speaker 01

  Or there's.

• 59:35Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  Or there's just like a power move to your employees to be like, this is from the 1600s.

• 59:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  And I think this is more valuable than your time.

• 59:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  This is just like some guy's outfit that's still dirty or something, but, um, but yeah.

• 59:49Sam Morril?

  It's a weird thing to be, because it's, one thing to be interested in history, but that's such a random thing to want.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  I think it's just like, I want it.

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  I would just throw it in my office.

• 59:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 59:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's, I think Seinfeld has that with the cars, too, a little bit. Like, I need all these cars.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  I get cars now, though.

• 1:00:05Mark Normand?

  I love cars, too.

• 1:00:06Sam Morril?

  Are you a big car person?

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  I get cars now. So, um, first of all, with the Pokemon thing and all that stuff, I used to, like, that used to drive me nuts. I'm working on a bit about it. Also, this is another pet peeve. Why can't comedians just say something without giving context of if they've talked about it before? And if we're working on it, but which really, I, we talked about this the other day in the parking lot, remember?

• 1:00:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  No one cares. Like, we had, like, Jordan Johnson, I just tried to get through a podcast where we didn't say, like, we were talking about this earlier about, like, in ca- we don't want to get busted.

• 1:00:31Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  Saying the same thing twice or something.

• 1:00:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  Um, but, uh, that guys, like, collecting toys now, it's like every, guys have, like, a Marvel, like, you're forty, like, why do you have the Pokemon, whatever. But now that I have a son, it's like the main, it's like, you have what Pokemon card?

• 1:00:49Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  How many lightsabers do you have?

• 1:00:51Sam Morril?

  Whitney's a fun mom.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, dude. Thank God, because my guy, the biggest red flag is he has a whole thing of Zelda stuff.

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Um, uh, Ninja Turtles. He has a giant teenage mutant ninja turtle tattoo. Yeah. And every time, I'm like, why are you in pa- where, put your shorts on. Henry's coming down. Where's your ninja turtle tattoo? It's like, everything that sucked now that I have a son is like, but cars, getting into monster trucks, like, has really, like, I have one vintage car, Silverado eighty-one. Um, and I like,

• 1:01:19Sam Morril?

  Can we pull that up?

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  I love trucks. Like, I love vintage trucks. Yeah.

• 1:01:23Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  I'm not a vintage, like, uh, sports car guy. I don't know anything about them. But I think it's just more, like, nostalgic. I think, growing up, I probably had some kind of, like, that was the fir- yeah.

• 1:01:32Sam Morril?

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Mine's like a, mine's like a, like, brown. It's so.

• 1:01:35Sam Morril?

  Do you feel like it's safe to drive, or is it kind of just to have?

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  Um, I don't, I live in California. Everyone's on drugs. It's not safe to drive anything anywhere. But, yeah, it is kind of like that one on the far right. Yeah, it's so good. So good.

• 1:01:47Sam Morril?

  That's a cool-looking car.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  I just, I don't know, there's something, like, sexy about it to me. There's, so I just, like, even having it in the driveway, like, like, putting stuff in the back, like, and making a little Ford out of it for him, like, it's just,

• 1:01:58Sam Morril?

  Have you seen this basketball player? Look up Devin Booker's car collection, because he's got some crazy.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  Do you have a car in New York?

• 1:02:03Mark Normand?

  I do. I got a nineteen seventy-three BMW O2.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Whoa, sick.

• 1:02:08Mark Normand?

  And no one wants to get in it, because it has no seat belts. I haven't, I haven't insured it, no airbags, nothing.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:02:13Mark Normand?

  But it's a great car.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  That's sick. Are you gonna, uh, restore it?

• 1:02:17Mark Normand?

  It's already restored. It already did it.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Get it? Functioning?

• 1:02:21Mark Normand?

  It's fun, it works.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  But you can't have seat, is it illegal to not have seatbelts?

• 1:02:23Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  Okay, got it.

• 1:02:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but I still, I'm riding dirty.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  But it's a fun time.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  What would you get fined?

• 1:02:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I would go to jail immediately.

• 1:02:30Sam Morril?

  That's a cool car, right?

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Mark Normand?

  Wow, Jesus. It's a 50's Bel Air.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  So, yeah, I'm kinda like, it's just one of those things, I think that as you like get older and have less vices, you're like, I'm, I like excellence in it, I like excellence, like I like something that is like clearly, like I went to NASCAR, I got to wave my flag at NASCAR, it was a pretty big deal. It was actually kind of a weird like career high, it was like, I was pretty psyched, but I'm obsessed with the, um, crew pits.

• 1:02:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's unbelievable.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  Dude, that, it actually gives me goosebumps, like seeing men actually, um, be useful. Um, this is when you've been in LA for too long, that you masturbate to, um,

• 1:03:07Mark Normand?

  They're so quick, though.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, and the way that they do it, and like, I just love sort of, uh, aww, me and my guy, how cute.

• 1:03:15Mark Normand?

  Is that what you wore to do the flag? Come on.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I wore like a jean dress.

• 1:03:19Mark Normand?

  You dress like J. Lo.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:03:20Mark Normand?

  You gotta, you gotta get a skimpy skirt on or something.

• 1:03:23Sam Morril?

  I think car people like denim, I think that's where fun's in them.

• 1:03:25Mark Normand?

  I guess so, Sydney Sweeney.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, it was really cool.

• 1:03:28Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's fun.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  It was so sick.

• 1:03:30Mark Normand?

  Wow, you see that Druski thing where he did whiteface at a NASCAR?

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:03:34Mark Normand?

  Oh my god, it's unbelievable.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  Oh, funny.

• 1:03:36Mark Normand?

  It's so funny, yeah, it's incredible.

• 1:03:39Sam Morril?

  It's like the Eddie Murphy thing, right?

• 1:03:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:41Sam Morril?

  Remember when Eddie Murphy, that was such a classic SNL sketch when Eddie Murphy goes, uh, he, he goes undercover as a white guy and the last black guy gets off the bus?

• 1:03:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:49Sam Morril?

  And they start giving out cocktails to everybody?

• 1:03:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, and everywhere he goes, they're like, you can have it.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  That's Druski, oh wow.

• 1:03:55Mark Normand?

  Look at that, I mean, look at the makeup job, he got all the way white-bodied. And then he just had fun with the, uh, the white brethren.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do think NASCAR is kind of fascinating because it's like, what are we watching? Like, what are you actually watching?

• 1:04:09Sam Morril?

  Are you an F1 person?

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  Uh, you know what, not as much, it's a little elitist for me.

• 1:04:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  But I'm sure it's cool.

• 1:04:14Sam Morril?

  I don't know much about it, I watched, I just watched the movie with Brad Pitt. It's good, but it's like two hours and forty minutes.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  Of like, watching traffic, yeah.

• 1:04:22Sam Morril?

  There's no reason, there's no reason a fucking,

• 1:04:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, why are movies getting longer?

• 1:04:25Sam Morril?

  A Blockbuster summer type movie should be, it should be, it should be like an hour forty.

• 1:04:28Speaker 01

  I think movies are like for planes.

• 1:04:29Sam Morril?

  But it was, it was, it looked gorgeous and, and he's amazing, he's always amazing. And it's, it is fun as hell in parts, but like, why is it two hours and forty minutes?

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  But what are you watching, but what are you, are you, are we kind of waiting for a crash?

• 1:04:41Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  That's what's crazy about it, is you're like, I hope it doesn't happen. But if it happens, be cool if I was here.

• 1:04:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:50Speaker 01

  I don't want it to, I do not wish it, it's like that, it's like in hockey when you're kinda like, I wouldn't freak out if there was a fight.

• 1:04:56Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:04:56Sam Morril?

  Well, fights are fun as hell, but then there was this-

• 1:04:59Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  You're kind of, it's boring, except for you know someone could die.

• 1:05:04Mark Normand?

  Until a Goodyear bounces into the crowd and hits a lady right in their one tooth.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  And it's-

• 1:05:10Mark Normand?

  Which has happened, pull that up.

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  Like, the one that I went to was in Phoenix, I couldn't make Daytona last year, but, like, immediately, there was a little bit of a, like, guy hit the side, and it gets so quiet.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  So quiet, and everyone's just like... It's ki- it's kinda like our gladiators in a way, it's like-

• 1:05:27Sam Morril?

  Same with UFC.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  So is UFC. UFC, I, I like, that's why I like monster trucks, I like WWE, I like, ooh.

• 1:05:34Sam Morril?

  You like WWE?

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Love. I love knowing that someone's not actually gonna get hurt, I know all these guys do get hurt in ways, you know, but like-

• 1:05:42Sam Morril?

  No, they don't age well.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  I, yeah.

• 1:05:43Mark Normand?

  No, they're like comics.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  I, there, it is like, ah, gosh.

• 1:05:47Mark Normand?

  They have a big persona, they had to do like years of grinding in these shit gyms.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  I like, we're here to make you laugh, like, I mean, I just said monster trucks, and I'm-

• 1:05:56Sam Morril?

  It's a show.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  I'm always fascinated by what makes comedians laugh, cuz we're, you know?

• 1:06:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  And like, monster trucks, I was dying, cuz it was so silly, and there was something, I think that like, it used to be like edginess was like sex, that's all anyone talked about, like, like, I think there's something kind of like punk rock about being like wholesome.

• 1:06:12Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Just being like fun and goofy.

• 1:06:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, Nate Bargatze's like The Clash now, he's religious, you know, he's not political, it's just-

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  You're like, he had the balls to say he believes in God, like, that's crazy.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  It's like Megadeth.

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  You love your wife, whoa.

• 1:06:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  Can you say that?

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  You need to cancel, so, yeah, that's-

• 1:06:32Mark Normand?

  We want action, I mean, you don't watch cops for the, uh, the traffic tickets, you know, you want crack up the ass, you want a black guy getting stomped out, you want, you want action.

• 1:06:41Sam Morril?

  That would be hilarious, cops, if it was just like, just the mo- just misdemeanor, just the most minor shit, like, we pulled you over, but we're gonna let you off this time, this show sucks.

• 1:06:49Mark Normand?

  That would be funny.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  I think you add, this sort of is a good segue into your, um, you guys ask for recommendations for movies, do you guys do that now?

• 1:06:55Mark Normand?

  Please, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  We did that last time.

• 1:06:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:57Mark Normand?

  Uh, we were, we were two in the zone.

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, so when we're rolling, we forget sometimes.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  Um, or, I just remember like, I don't think I did it on the show before, cuz if I say this, and I've said it before, just, I'm gonna blame mom brain forever, how long is your wife- Been blaming mom brain.

• 1:07:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, I mean, yeah, for years.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:14Mark Normand?

  Babies six months.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  Um, but labyrinth.

• 1:07:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, classic.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  I'm obsessed with movies that went over your head when you were a kid.

• 1:07:24Sam Morril?

  Is this one right here?

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Sam Morril?

  It's really good?

• 1:07:26Mark Normand?

  David Bowie.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Dude, you go back. First of all, they were on the most LSD.

• 1:07:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:30Speaker 01

  They were on so many drugs. I also love the behind the scenes. If you go on YouTube, behind the scenes of the making of labyrinth with Jim Henson. The documentary about Jim Henson that was on Apple didn't really cover a bunch of labyrinth.

• 1:07:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  And I think it's because they were on so many drugs, is my guess, allegedly. But the cheat codes in this movie, it is, I always make fun of Chris D'Stefano because he loves the Stoics, like, but there is so much like stoicism. What is this? I haven't, oh, okay. Um, and, uh, oh, they use real babies. Look, it, you know, you're gonna watch a baby get abused, but like, we need adversity, you know? Um, and then when you see them doing all of the puppets, the way that they choreographed it, like, it is so sick, but

• 1:08:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  what the movie is about, you're just like, like, it, it just, I

• 1:08:10Mark Normand?

  What is it? I haven't seen it in 20 years. What is it about?

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  It's about how you give other people your power and get in your own way. And like, no obstacles are real. It's like, no obstacles.

• 1:08:20Sam Morril?

  That was Neil Brennan's podcast.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  And it really is, it's about this girl who's like, you know, is going through a labyrinth, basically.

• 1:08:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 01

  And everything that, uh,

• 1:08:30Mark Normand?

  Young Connolly.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Oh, and then Ludo.

• 1:08:33Sam Morril?

  Old Connolly's pretty good, too.

• 1:08:34Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 1:08:35Sam Morril?

  Hot lady.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  She's the best of the best.

• 1:08:38Mark Normand?

  What was the poor man's labyrinth with Tom Cruise?

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 1:08:40Mark Normand?

  Mystic, method?

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  Balls, not space, uh,

• 1:08:44Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  I know, I'm looking, I'm looking right at it.

• 1:08:46Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:08:47Mark Normand?

  Mythical, uh, something like that. Method?

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  Mythical religion?

• 1:08:51Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, shit.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  I thought it was, uh,

• 1:08:56Mark Normand?

  Tom Cruise, it was, it was like the

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  Crystal, Dark Crystal.

• 1:08:59Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Was, but Dark Crystal, I feel like was the

• 1:09:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  weird, like Pepsi to this Coke.

• 1:09:04Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude, Minority Report was underrated, dude. That was solid.

• 1:09:06Mark Normand?

  He was a five-year-old in it. He was super young. Legend.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  Oh, that's right.

• 1:09:12Sam Morril?

  I don't even, I've never even heard of these.

• 1:09:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, never ending story.

• 1:09:15Sam Morril?

  Two around, I've never heard of.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  I feel because you were too busy watching a guy not be able to figure out how to pick up a lobster. That these are the movies that had like I can't watch things with horses in it, but like these like

• 1:09:25Mark Normand?

  Unicorn.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  This is like LSD.

• 1:09:28Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  Thing like everyone was on mushrooms and LSD when they made this sort of core. What is it? What would you call it? Like Wisdom Core or like Gothic Core?

• 1:09:36Mark Normand?

  Fantasy.

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  Fantasy Core. This is like the first of the uh.

• 1:09:41Sam Morril?

  Uh, Tim Curry.

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  What is it? What are the Ren Faire people?

• 1:09:44Mark Normand?

  Ren Faire.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  What would you call that?

• 1:09:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  Gothic go?

• 1:09:47Mark Normand?

  Sure, yeah, that works. That works.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, David, but I'm a sucker for a famous musician starring in a movie.

• 1:09:54Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  That ju- like Desperately Seeking Susan, like it's

• 1:09:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  It matters because it's Madonna. Like Labyrinth couldn't have really happened with like Steven Seagal or like Kirk Douglas or whatever, you know what I mean? It's just sort of like, that's David Bowie, dude.

• 1:10:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what are other, what are other movies starring a musician?

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Glitter, Mariah Carey.

• 1:10:12Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:10:12Sam Morril?

  One of my favorites.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  From Justin to Kelly.

• 1:10:14Sam Morril?

  For sure.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  Kelly Clarkson. Like, I love a, you're so famous. We don't even have a script.

• 1:10:18Sam Morril?

  Moonstruck with Cher.

• 1:10:19Mark Normand?

  Glee.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  By the way, Soap Dish, I think, was also Cher. Cher, like, did a lot of movies.

• 1:10:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  Lady Gaga, Star is Born.

• 1:10:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  I like when they're like, we don't even, you're famous. We don't even have a script, but we'll just make a movie. We'll figure it out later.

• 1:10:31Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  I love that shit.

• 1:10:32Mark Normand?

  Crossroads with, uh, Brittany.

• 1:10:35Sam Morril?

  Tom Waits is a pretty good actor.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  Say?

• 1:10:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  Who?

• 1:10:37Sam Morril?

  Tom Waits.

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Sam Morril?

  He can act.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Um, uh, there was.

• 1:10:41Mark Normand?

  Was it called Glee? Did I have that right?

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  That's real. That's Jennifer Lopez. But that was like her and Ben Affleck. That's when they met, right?

• 1:10:47Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:10:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. Cause usually it goes the other way. Like, like Jared Leto gets famous and he's like, nah, I have this band.

• 1:10:53Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  And I need to start a cult and bring my fans to my island. Not weird at all. Um.

• 1:10:57Sam Morril?

  But Steve Martin's like, like, I'm famous, so you gotta listen to my folk band.

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:00Sam Morril?

  Fuck, alright, we'll do it.

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:02Sam Morril?

  But we love you.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  Doesn't Woody Allen play like the recorder at like?

• 1:11:06Mark Normand?

  Claire Net.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool.

• 1:11:09Mark Normand?

  It's worse than the allegations.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  Things girls play. Things girls play in third grade.

• 1:11:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Sam Morril?

  It's like the thing he's like fourth best. I don't wanna, I wanna see the other stuff. His standup was great, dude. That album was great.

• 1:11:20Mark Normand?

  Killer.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 1:11:22Mark Normand?

  My wife's so immature.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  Oh, Whitney Houston, The Bodyguard.

• 1:11:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:11:25Speaker 01

  That was iconic, because there are some things I like when they go, you, oh, like, you have to be a famous musician to play a famous musician. And like, I love that, because it's like, you know, when you see someone play an athlete, you're just like, I can't, you know?

• 1:11:42Sam Morril?

  Unless it's like Kevin Costner, he kind of pulled it off, I feel. Baseball's different, because dudes can, or golf.

• 1:11:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right, you're right.

• 1:11:48Sam Morril?

  Like, also golf, like, tin cup, you're like, yeah, I buy it.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Legend of Bagger Vance or something.

• 1:11:54Sam Morril?

  Oh, that one, that was rough.

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, Eight Mile, like, it's actually, that's sick.

• 1:11:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there were a lot of good ones.

• 1:11:58Speaker 01

  There's a lot of good ones, actually.

• 1:11:59Sam Morril?

  Dude, Dwight Yoakam.

• 1:12:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  Also Beyonce, I love something that's just like, I'm camp. I'm here to just entertain you. Uh, what was the Beyonce movie with Ali Larder where she tried to steal her man? And it was a horror movie about a white woman trying to take your man?

• 1:12:14Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:12:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I remember that.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  That's such, in like, in the black community, that's such a fun, like, horror movie.

• 1:12:18Mark Normand?

  That's fun.

• 1:12:19Speaker 01

  A white woman with skinny lips and no butt takes your man, what do you do?

• 1:12:22Sam Morril?

  Idris Elba.

• 1:12:23Speaker 01

  Obsessed, yeah.

• 1:12:24Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's a hot sex.

• 1:12:25Sam Morril?

  It's a hot cast.

• 1:12:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and the honky's not bad either.

• 1:12:30Mark Normand?

  This is a fun little romp.

• 1:12:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she's an attractive lady, too.

• 1:12:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, thank you for cleaning that up.

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  Like, it's basically, what's the one with, um, uh, uh, Demi Moore? I love that genre of movies, too.

• 1:12:39Sam Morril?

  Striptease?

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  Right when women started coming into the workforce, the movies that were like...

• 1:12:43Sam Morril?

  Disclosure.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  When she's the boss and she makes Kirk Douglas, like...

• 1:12:47Sam Morril?

  Oh, it's Michael Douglas.

• 1:12:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, sorry.

• 1:12:49Sam Morril?

  That would have been a better movie, Kirk Douglas.

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  Michael Douglas was, Michael Douglas was like...

• 1:12:52Sam Morril?

  Let me suck your old dick.

• 1:12:53Mark Normand?

  He's in hospice, he's like, okay.

• 1:12:54Sam Morril?

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  I love that Kirk Douglas' whole, like, thing, he was pigeonholed as the guy that every hot woman, like, wants to be with, and he, like, has to sleep with them, it's like...

• 1:13:03Mark Normand?

  Fatal Attraction.

• 1:13:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:13:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  He's always in, like, a leather bomber jacket. Have you watched Fatal Attraction recently?

• 1:13:08Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  You guys should do a Mystery Science Theater, like, it would be so sick.

• 1:13:11Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:13:12Sam Morril?

  Patreon?

• 1:13:13Mark Normand?

  Let's do it!

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  Dude, I'm telling you, when...

• 1:13:15Sam Morril?

  Should we do that? That'd be amazing.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  It's such a, just to, like, talk through how insane, first of all, the scenes were so much longer back then, someone would get out of a car and you would just, twenty minutes later, they'd walk in the house, it was like...

• 1:13:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  But, Michael Douglas, every room he enters in, uh, uh, uh, what is it? You just said it. No, Fatal Attraction, he like jumps in the room, it's actually kind of amazing, he like runs and skips and jumps in.

• 1:13:37Mark Normand?

  Like Kramer?

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's, it's so funny, like, I love finding like little-

• 1:13:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he was just, his whole nineties was just, I'm in bang chick thrillers.

• 1:13:44Speaker 01

  But also remember, um, uh, uh, what was it, uh, not single white female, what was the other one, the baby, don't let, the babysitter, what was it?

• 1:13:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, Rock the Cradle. Rebecca DeMornay.

• 1:13:54Speaker 01

  So you know there's, you know, um, there was that article about how the, that movies play on the fears that we all currently have. So like zombie movies are about our fear of homelessness.

• 1:14:04Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  And that this genre of movie about women going to the workforce, like you're gonna leave your baby at home, like the babysitter is gonna, you know, sleep with your husband and take your baby, like just how leaning into the, what was changing around that time or whatever.

• 1:14:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 1:14:18Speaker 01

  There was a genre of like, if you're a woman and you get a job, your whole life will fall apart. They were like warning movies, they were like, no, you can go be, get a job, big, big working girl, go, see what happens.

• 1:14:31Mark Normand?

  Well, that's why women like true crime, cause it's just the scariest thing possible, it's like getting, uh, banged and thrown in a river or whatever.

• 1:14:39Sam Morril?

  It's a good summary of, uh, Forensic Files.

• 1:14:41Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:14:41Sam Morril?

  Watch this chicken banged and thrown in a river.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Can I tell you something, I have a weird, like, has anyone noticed it's kind of like, no one's talking about that anymore, like murder's kind of over?

• 1:14:50Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:14:51Sam Morril?

  We just need a good one, cause I think we had a run of killer, like, The Jinx was incredible, Making a Murderer was good, Staircase was incredible, like-

• 1:14:58Speaker 01

  Number one.

• 1:14:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I, so I was like, we had a run of just fucking hits.

• 1:15:02Speaker 01

  There's been no good murders.

• 1:15:03Sam Morril?

  There haven't been a lot, I mean, murder, you gotta step it up.

• 1:15:05Speaker 01

  But also like, I, I'm obsessed with like, we've become kind of desensitized to murder.

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  Like, we're kind of like, murder, uh, ice pick, like, I'm seeing it.

• 1:15:13Mark Normand?

  Right, like Ted Bundy was a sex symbol for a while.

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's just like the fact that we were really into murder for a while and now we're like, ah.

• 1:15:19Mark Normand?

  Interesting, so what are we gonna do now?

• 1:15:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what's the new one?

• 1:15:24Mark Normand?

  War?

• 1:15:25Speaker 01

  The new kink? The new kink has actually maybe come from listening to some murder podcasts. The new thing is trying to stay alive as long as possible. With ice baths and we're doing salt in the morning.

• 1:15:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:15:36Speaker 01

  Doing ketosis and we're gonna live forever, like we wanna live forever now.

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:40Sam Morril?

  I don't feel like I'm gonna live forever right now.

• 1:15:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:42Sam Morril?

  I'm feeling rough.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  It's so funny because it's like LA versus New York podcasters or maybe LA I could put in with Austin. They're all just like, you go to their podcast too, it's just like weak grass. Just like, there's an ice bath, you have to like get in the sauna. And you guys are just, this is like you have breast implants and just like you're actually drinking for real during the day, like alcohol.

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:16:01Sam Morril?

  You, I think you have a New York-ish energy.

• 1:16:03Mark Normand?

  I could see that.

• 1:16:04Sam Morril?

  Cause I, I think that's another reason people might think she's a workaholic is cause her energy feels like very New York.

• 1:16:09Mark Normand?

  Are you east coast originally?

• 1:16:10Speaker 01

  I'm so sorry I don't go on podcasts and complain about my depression. Uh, and I, I-

• 1:16:15Sam Morril?

  Is that, well, who, who is that?

• 1:16:16Speaker 01

  No, I just mean like, when people say like, it seems like you work a lot, I'm like, you guys, I, I can only say-

• 1:16:21Sam Morril?

  No, it's a good thing.

• 1:16:22Speaker 01

  But you guys, you guys probably work more-

• 1:16:24Mark Normand?

  I work way more.

• 1:16:25Sam Morril?

  We work a ton.

• 1:16:26Speaker 01

  We treat comedy like a job.

• 1:16:28Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  And people, I'd be like, just cause I don't only do stand up for the 20 minutes a day that we're actually on stage during the week. People are like, she works so much. Actually Louis CK, um, uh, I'm, you know what? Let's talk about all the people that have been canceled, the good things they did for women.

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:16:43Speaker 01

  It was Louis CK, actually if you guys will, this might get him canceled. Louis CK encouraged me to keep doing stand up.

• 1:16:49Mark Normand?

  Wow. Worst thing he ever did.

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  No, I remember that.

• 1:16:54Speaker 01

  I came out of, um, the improv once and I, I was very, uh, very, I'd probably be doing stand like a year and a half, two years. And at the ti- in LA, you can do a lot of spots. You just have to go to like Pasadena and Hermosa. And I would start at four, I would go, there's this open mic called Bliss, and then you'd go to this bowling alley and then you'd go, um, it was more like rooms, you know?

• 1:17:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  Like sushi restaurants, like, you know, stuff like that. And, uh, he was like talking to me outside a bunch of, and I was like, sorry guys, I have to go, I have to. And I was so trained to be like, feel bad for how many spots I was doing. So I was like, you're gonna do another spot? Like it's seven o'clock, it's Wednesday.

• 1:17:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:27Speaker 01

  What do you have to do? You're done?

• 1:17:28Mark Normand?

  What else am I doing?

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  You just ate shit of like, with a bad Facebook joke for 20, like you're just done for the night and like, so I was like running around. And I was like, I gotta get to a spot, like I have like three spots a night and I'm like crazy. And he's like, no, that's, that's what it takes.

• 1:17:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:42Speaker 01

  Like, he was almost like, oh, yeah, you're not like special for like, and I was like, how matter of fact he was made me realize like, oh, it's not normal to do one a night.

• 1:17:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Good.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  Like, he was almost like only three. And I was like, okay, that's, if he thinks it's, got it.

• 1:17:57Mark Normand?

  Louis.

• 1:17:58Sam Morril?

  I just ran into an 18-year-old kid in the street, just like, he's like, I'm a comic. And I was like, oh, we, so we chat for like 10 minutes on the street. And he was like, uh, I was like, how much you getting up? And he's like, five, six nights a week. I was like, great.

• 1:18:08Mark Normand?

  Good for you.

• 1:18:08Sam Morril?

  And he got a couple times a night. He goes, yeah, but he's 18, I mean, he's just starting, but it's like, but I said, but the fact that you're starting that young and you, and you understand that's what it takes. And I was like, you're gonna be all right.

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was like, it was because people that don't want you to succeed are gonna be like, why are you doing all these spots?

• 1:18:22Mark Normand?

  Yep, exactly.

• 1:18:23Speaker 01

  Like, why do you work so much? Like, you know, what are you doing? Or you, people are like, you're, you're of like a disease, you're mentally ill.

• 1:18:28Sam Morril?

  Well, you get it in relationships a lot, right?

• 1:18:30Speaker 01

  I'm mentally ill for trying to be good at my job.

• 1:18:31Sam Morril?

  I would get in relationships, like, you have to do another fucking set?

• 1:18:34Mark Normand?

  All the time.

• 1:18:35Sam Morril?

  Especially when you're starting out and you're like, I really got it right now.

• 1:18:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and I'm like, you work from nine to five, that's eight hours.

• 1:18:41Speaker 01

  Also, you're not gonna stay with a failed comic.

• 1:18:44Mark Normand?

  Ooh, that's true too.

• 1:18:46Sam Morril?

  Damn, I like it.

• 1:18:48Speaker 01

  We're like, like, how about you get to the gym and I'll go do my standup?

• 1:18:52Mark Normand?

  Yes, here, here.

• 1:18:53Speaker 01

  We both know how this human nature thing works.

• 1:18:55Mark Normand?

  I think you gotta go.

• 1:18:57Speaker 01

  Okay, go.

• 1:18:57Sam Morril?

  You got an Eagles game to get to, but plug some dates quickly if you want.

• 1:18:59Mark Normand?

  Toronto, Baltimore, Fayetteville.

• 1:19:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:02Mark Normand?

  Go see Whitney.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, just added a show in Toronto, you guys know how to find me.

• 1:19:05Sam Morril?

  Hot Springs, Arkansas, Philadelphia.

• 1:19:08Mark Normand?

  Go Eagles.

• 1:19:09Sam Morril?

  Uh, the Miller Theater, oh, that's a good one, Fort Lauderdale.

• 1:19:11Speaker 01

  I feel like Philly doesn't have as many venues as you said.

• 1:19:14Sam Morril?

  It doesn't, yeah.

• 1:19:14Mark Normand?

  Well, it's all fit and all.

• 1:19:15Sam Morril?

  Fort Lauderdale, New Orleans, uh, Whitney, you're the best, we'll, we'll see you soon.

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  Thank you, guys, I hope that was okay.

• 1:19:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, thanks for coming in.

• 1:19:21Sam Morril?

  That was, uh, Whitney Cummings, she was awesome, as always, fun episode.

• 1:19:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:19:26Sam Morril?

  Coming up, I will be in, uh, Chicago at the Chicago Theater, Winnipeg, that's gonna be fun. Uh, Saudi Arabia, Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin.

• 1:19:41Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:19:42Sam Morril?

  I'm going back to Salt Lake City a second time this year, cause I had so much fun at Wise Guys, so November 14th through 16th, that's a great one.

• 1:19:48Mark Normand?

  Great club.

• 1:19:49Sam Morril?

  Oh, one of my faves, and they got Reno, Nevada on November 29th, and the Biggie, Carnegie Hall, December 4th, love you guys.

• 1:19:56Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:19:56Sam Morril?

  Punchup.live slash Sam Morril, or just go to my website.

• 1:20:00Mark Normand?

  All right, all right, I'll be in Saudi Arabia as well, uh, one night only, Greece. Or Athens, I should say. Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin. Valley Center, California at Harrah's. Baltimore, Magoob's. Washington DC at the Lincoln Theater. Chocolate City, Rochester, coming back to his hometown. Niagara Falls, San Diego. And, uh, yeah, marknormancomey.com. Go to Punch Up, get some Bodega Cat.

• 1:20:29Sam Morril?

  Bodega Cat Whiskey.com or Instagram, uh, Bodega Cat Whiskey. Send us a DM.

• 1:20:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:36Sam Morril?

  You're the best, guys. Thanks for listening.

• 1:20:38Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:20:39Sam Morril?

  And I don't hate that Mystery Science Theater idea for, for either Patreon or Punch Up.

• 1:20:43Mark Normand?

  Ooh, yes, Soder's been doing it and he's like a beggar of fortunes. So I think, uh...

• 1:20:49Sam Morril?

  Not a bad idea.

• 1:20:49Mark Normand?

  Not a bad idea. We're the movie guys.

• 1:20:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:52Mark Normand?

  Let's do it.

• 1:20:53Sam Morril?

  All right.

• 1:20:53Mark Normand?

  All right.

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• 1:22:03Speaker 04

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