Ep 243: Jessica Kirson

Jessica Kirson joins the pod this week and nothing is off-limits—comedy bombs, sex clubs, Mardi Gras madness, and plane etiquette wars. Mark and Sam get into it with Jessica about hecklers, shady green rooms, wild Berlin stories, and what it really takes to kill at a comedy fest. Plus, they spiral into nepo baby gossip, SEAL Team Six conspiracies, and why teenagers might be the scariest people alive. Sponsored by: 🩲 Get 20% off your first Sheath order with code DRUNK https://www.sheathunderwear.com 👖 F*%k your khakis & get 15% off The Perfect Jean with code DRUNK15 https://www.theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #JessicaKirson #StandUpComedy #ComedyPodcast #MarkNormand #SamMorril #SheathUnderwear #ThePerfectJean #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Alright, well we're here with Jess Kirson, man.

• 0:09Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah!

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I told a girl we had you on today and she was like, "I love her." Hey!

• 0:13Speaker 02

  That's so nice!

• 0:15Mark Normand?

  Alright, what do you think of Zoram?

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  Just joking.

• 0:21Sam Morril?

  I like, but we were off air, but you were telling us-

• 0:23Speaker 02

  Globalize the Un-

• 0:26Mark Normand?

  Sorry, what were you saying?

• 0:27Sam Morril?

  I was just saying, I liked that story you told us before we were rolling, where you said-

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:31Sam Morril?

  You rolled into the-

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went to Gotham Comedy Club and I wasn't out yet, and the minute I walked in, there were a ton of comics there, and Judy Gold was like, "Hey, you big dyke!" And I'm like, "Who? Oh my god."

• 0:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, she outed you?

• 0:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, she did.

• 0:45Mark Normand?

  That's pretty shitty.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  And then I fingered her. It was so uncomfortable.

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  Did it give you a nudge to come out, though?

• 0:51Speaker 02

  No.

• 0:52Sam Morril?

  It just shamed you.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  It had to happen when it was the time, you know, the time was right.

• 0:56Mark Normand?

  Sure. I did the same thing to Sam Jay.

• 1:00Sam Morril?

  And then he fucked her. It's weird.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Then he fingered.

• 1:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03Sam Morril?

  I had a friend in high school who I would like, he was clearly gay and he was a friend, so I'd always like call him a homo, trying to like nudge him, like, "Come on, just be gay", and it didn't work.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11Sam Morril?

  It doesn't have the effect you're, like, I was trying to do it in a friendly way.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16Sam Morril?

  But you know.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Cause it's about you and how you feel about it.

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Like, it's not that other people are okay with it.

• 1:20Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  Like, my family was fine with it.

• 1:22Sam Morril?

  That was my way of being like, "I'm okay with it, I don't give a shit."

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I know, but he was probably not okay. I mean, was he very feminine?

• 1:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  He was like a [BLEEP], like not-

• 1:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I didn't use that word, but uh, yeah.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  No, I can, cause I hate box.

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 1:39Speaker 02

  Comedy!

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:40Sam Morril?

  No, yeah, he uh-

• 1:42Mark Normand?

  That's what Bezo is calling eating out girl. He's, he likes boxes.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, he does.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  That's a bad Amazon joke.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. You just bombed.

• 1:50Mark Normand?

  I ran, but yeah. Wait, what was I gonna say? Oh, it's weird, don't you feel like the time has shifted where 10 years ago or whatever, you hide the Les Bo?

• 2:01Sam Morril?

  Now, people lie and say they're lesbians. Yeah, now they're like nine years old and they're like, "I'm gay." You're like, "You don't know what sex is." I know. You don't know anything.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  But I'm attracted to my Barbie.

• 2:09Sam Morril?

  Ah, who isn't?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Everything you guys say, I laugh at. I'm a very good guest to be here.

• 2:15Sam Morril?

  It's perfect.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was horrific.

• 2:20Sam Morril?

  I'll tweet it. Luckily, they take returns.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  No, a lot of, a lot of girls will say they're, because they, I say this on stage, like, they play with someone's hair and they're like, "I'm, I'm a lesbian. I'm bisexual." I'm like, "No, you're..."

• 2:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  But, you know, it's the new thing. I think it's good that some people are exploring, because I think a lot of people years ago would have

• 2:39Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  explored it and they would-

• 2:41Sam Morril?

  But then, I agree, but now you gotta acknowledge that, hey, it's not that oppressive if you're wanting to be that.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Right.

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  But they will never do that. The gay pride parade's come a long way because, you know, it's all about acceptance and you think about like the history of Stonewall. And I was going out and all my shreffins were like, "Be careful out there." Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? So I was like, "All right." I mean, there was a shooting, I guess, still, but- There was a shooting, yeah, this Sunday.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, we should talk about that the whole time.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  What were they afraid would happen to you? Because it is wild. I don't go, I will not go to the parade.

• 3:12Sam Morril?

  I think not, they're not actually, but it's like, just people are just so drugged out. Like, any parade is- Sure. A nightmare. The Halloween parade is a nightmare. The St. Patty's Day-

• 3:21Speaker 02

  What about the Santa? It's not a parade, but when the Santas are out?

• 3:24Sam Morril?

  Santa Con.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is rough.

• 3:26Sam Morril?

  That is-

• 3:27Speaker 02

  You just see like seven Santas passed out on the street.

• 3:30Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 3:32Sam Morril?

  That's the Gentile parade, is the Santa Con. It's, it's like St. Patty's but without any historical relevance. It's just like, "Let's get fucking hammered."

• 3:40Speaker 02

  And wear an outfit. Yeah.

• 3:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I mean, it's kind, it does seem fun. It's fun. The girls get into it too. The cleavage, Mrs. Claus are out there, whoring it up.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's true.

• 3:50Sam Morril?

  They're shitfaced by 11.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  How come I don't see them around?

• 3:52Sam Morril?

  They're out there. Look at that, see? Parades are just, you just gotta know not to go out. Yeah, yeah. You just gotta know to, you know.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't go to big gatherings anymore. I just, it's too much for me. Like, being around all those people, I just can't.

• 4:05Sam Morril?

  Ironically, I was telling people on the gay pride parade, "Don't come out."

• 4:10Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 4:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 4:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but that's how it used to be. People would say that with Harlem too. They'd be like, watch out Harlem's at a 110. That's it. Gets a little, gets a little dicey. And you're like, well, it's just black. It's not dicey.

• 4:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Right. Yeah.

• 4:22Mark Normand?

  But that's what people would say.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Most people are racist.

• 4:25Mark Normand?

  You think? In this city?

• 4:27Speaker 02

  You, you, oh, yes. I mean, against one group or another.

• 4:31Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Not just black people. I'm saying, I mean, everyone is a little bit, right.

• 4:36Mark Normand?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:38Mark Normand?

  It is funny how black has the market cornered. If you go, that guy's a racist. You assume he hates black people, but it could be Native Americans, Chinese, uh, you know, Indian.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  White people.

• 4:48Mark Normand?

  White people.

• 4:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 4:49Mark Normand?

  Forget about that one. Yeah. Well, there's a lot of white hate out there. All right.

• 4:55Sam Morril?

  I just hate parades, man.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  I do too.

• 4:58Sam Morril?

  They're just brutal. They're, I guess if you're like a little kid, they're kind of fun for a second. But how long can that even stimulate a kid at this point?

• 5:05Mark Normand?

  It's true.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, I think the Thanksgiving Day Parade is good. Right. But I feel like kids would swipe it if they could. You know what I mean?

• 5:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Swipe for gold.

• 5:15Sam Morril?

  With all the stimulation on your phone, does it even excite? Like, when I was a kid, I guess I thought it was cool for like a second.

• 5:20Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  My kids like the Thanksgiving Day Parade, like watching it online.

• 5:24Mark Normand?

  You got woodpecker. You got a big Pikachu going by. That's fun.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  I mean, I went to Mardi Gras.

• 5:29Sam Morril?

  You got actual Chris Christie walking around. It's a float.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  They love the Nazi, um, float. There's a Nazi float.

• 5:35Sam Morril?

  Which is a Nazi float.

• 5:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, oh, oh, okay. Is that a big Cybertruck? No.

• 5:41Sam Morril?

  The way things are going, I believed you for a second.

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  I know. I know. It really was. You guys were like, wow, is there?

• 5:47Mark Normand?

  It's coming.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:48Mark Normand?

  Uh, but yeah, I went to Mardi Gras as a kid, but I loved it because you get, you get thrown things. So that changes everything.

• 5:53Sam Morril?

  Mardi Gras is like a once a year thing.

• 5:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 5:55Sam Morril?

  It's like, you know what you're in for. Mardi Gras is different. It's New Orleans. It's.

• 6:00Mark Normand?

  There's tits out. You get beads. You get spears.

• 6:03Sam Morril?

  That's the big difference. Tits are out.

• 6:04Mark Normand?

  Tits help.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Well, there's tits out at the gay, gay parade.

• 6:08Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  There's a lot of different kinds of tits.

• 6:10Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 6:11Mark Normand?

  They're all over the board.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  There's one tit. There's.

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  But it's like a Where's Waldo thing. You gotta really work for it, you know?

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. I mean, yeah.

• 6:19Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 6:19Sam Morril?

  There was a protest back in the day down by NYU and all the women were topless and it's like, that's a good, that's a good plan, cause you, you stop and see what the protest is.

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, true.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Mark, what did you eat for lunch? Cause that burp reeked.

• 6:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry. I had a sloppy joe.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, my wife made them.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  I feel like I just was in like a sewage dump.

• 6:40Sam Morril?

  Free lunch in a high school cafeteria.

• 6:41Mark Normand?

  I'm not allowed near there.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel like a pickle just flew past me.

• 6:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  It's okay. I don't care.

• 6:46Mark Normand?

  I thought Jews liked pickles.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I'm not Jewish anymore. People hate us, so I converted.

• 6:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, smart. You got out like a Rosie O'Donnell.

• 6:54Sam Morril?

  I want a sloppy joe now. That sounds kinda good.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  See, I've, sloppy joe is different to me, I think, than it is to you.

• 7:00Mark Normand?

  Huh?

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Is it? Cause sloppy joes where I grew up in Jersey are like Turkey, Swiss, Russian and Kosovo.

• 7:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, very different.

• 7:07Sam Morril?

  That's, that sounds amazing.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  Sandwich ever. Rachel's had them. They're amazing.

• 7:12Sam Morril?

  They're called the Rachel, I thought.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's, well, there's ones called the Rachel. I think those are the ones with Turkey and, and they're hot.

• 7:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  But these are like a thin slice of rye bread and they're, they come as a big square cut into little squares.

• 7:24Mark Normand?

  Different.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  It's unreal. And then you can get like corned beef, um, you know, Russian, Swiss and Kosovo. You can get egg salad and tuna salad.

• 7:32Sam Morril?

  Is there a crowd on there?

• 7:32Speaker 02

  They're unbeliev- I'll get you guys some. They're unbelievable.

• 7:35Sam Morril?

  I'm all about, dude, I went to this place, Al Ahn Tika by the cellar. Have you been there?

• 7:39Mark Normand?

  No.

• 7:40Sam Morril?

  The sandwich spot? Pull that shit up, dude. It's like.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  That's the sloppy joe, by the way.

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  That looks great.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  It's their high.

• 7:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm in.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, the second one.

• 7:48Sam Morril?

  That's definitely not the sloppy. I was picturing just like the ground beef.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  That's the exact sandwich I'm talking about.

• 7:53Mark Normand?

  Wait, what'd you went to Allah? Was it a Muslim joint?

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Is that what it's called?

• 7:57Sam Morril?

  No, Al Ahn Tika. It's like a, it's, dude, it's, it's a, it's like a sandwich joint that originated in Rome, but now it's all over the world and it's popping up in New York.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  I never heard of it.

• 8:05Sam Morril?

  Dude, they're massive. They're like this fucking big. It's on like focaccia type bread.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 8:10Sam Morril?

  Prosciutto, mozzarella, basil oil. It, it's unreal. And everyone's like, go over there. I go over there. I eat the whole fucking sandwich.

• 8:18Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 8:19Sam Morril?

  I did do four sets. I wanted to kill my, Alan Altman was with me. He's just watching me. He's like, you're gonna eat all of that? I was like, I think I am.

• 8:25Mark Normand?

  That's great. I'm in.

• 8:26Sam Morril?

  I, I wanted to die.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  Where is it? Where is it on?

• 8:29Sam Morril?

  It's on Sullivan. It's right by the Comedy Cellar.

• 8:31Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  There's usually a line, I think, but I, I went like right as they were closing. I, I lucked out.

• 8:36Mark Normand?

  I'm in. Al Ahn Tika. What the hell are you putting in?

• 8:39Sam Morril?

  It's Antica, alla Antica.

• 8:42Mark Normand?

  Alla Antica.

• 8:43Sam Morril?

  No, no H.

• 8:43Mark Normand?

  No H.

• 8:44Sam Morril?

  It's Italian, not Muslim.

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  There we go. It'll be Muslim soon.

• 8:47Sam Morril?

  No, no, no, one word, Antica. Yeah, you got it, right there.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Can you imagine if the whole podcast was trying to spell this restaurant?

• 8:54Sam Morril?

  Is that it? That looks right on.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  It says Italian Sandwich Shop.

• 8:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was good.

• 8:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, alla Antica, okay.

• 9:00Sam Morril?

  I dug it, dude.

• 9:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa, is it a chain?

• 9:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Whoa, those look good.

• 9:05Mark Normand?

  That looks, yeah, that looks all right.

• 9:06Sam Morril?

  Dude, it's insane.

• 9:08Mark Normand?

  I'm in.

• 9:09Sam Morril?

  You know what was a good chain back in the day? Remember Cozy Sandwiches?

• 9:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, Cozy's around?

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Oh, no, they closed. There was one by the old Gotham. I used to go there.

• 9:16Sam Morril?

  I go there all the time, dude.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  It was amazing. Their soup was amazing, their tomato soup. It was.

• 9:21Mark Normand?

  It was like a-

• 9:21Speaker 02

  They had the best bread.

• 9:23Mark Normand?

  It was an upper Panera, almost.

• 9:25Sam Morril?

  It was a good nicer Panera.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  It came in like a, in like a little white, um, sleeve thing.

• 9:29Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I used to fuck my face with that bread.

• 9:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, I loved it. I love your, I love your bits when you're on stage and you're just like, and you're just like, you did, you do a thing, I, I'd never seen another comic do.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Well, a lot of people copy it now.

• 9:41Sam Morril?

  A lot of people copy it.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:42Sam Morril?

  But you'll just be talking to yourself.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  Like, I just saw some guy.

• 9:46Mark Normand?

  That's flattering.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, not to, I'm not telling you the name, but someone did it at The Cellar, and five comics called me, and then one of them was like, called him, and was like, you know that, that you're stealing Jessica's-

• 9:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  And he's like, I had no idea.

• 10:01Mark Normand?

  It was a guy?

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 10:02Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's so obvious, because I've been doing it for twenty years. What?

• 10:07Sam Morril?

  He didn't know?

• 10:09Speaker 02

  I don't know. But it's like, anyone's gonna say that's Jessica's thing when I turn around and talk to myself.

• 10:14Sam Morril?

  You turn around, you talk, it's like your inner monologue, and it's like, sometimes you're spiraling, and sometimes you're like, I'm gonna fuck a sleeve of Oreos with my face, and stuff like that. But it's almost more fun-

• 10:24Speaker 02

  The guy in the front is not your father.

• 10:27Sam Morril?

  But it's almost more fun to watch you not connect with the crowd, so I get to see more of that character.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  True.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  It's, I, it only works when I'm not doing well or a joke bombs. It's the only time. I used to, when I was first doing it, like, I'd be doing great, and then turn around, and people, like, everyone's like, what the fuck is she, because it's, I'm like, it's okay, you chose this business, no one made you do it, you know, um, you ate a bag of Tostitos, it's not a serving of corn, you're a liar. Like, I'll do a whole thing, and then I turn around, and they're like, why is she trying to, like, motivate herself or pump herself up?

• 10:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  We like her. But when I'm bombing, it's, comics die laughing.

• 11:03Mark Normand?

  So is it bittersweet, like, on your Hulu special, you're killing, but- Then you feel like, oh, can I do the voice thing if I'm killing?

• 11:10Speaker 02

  I did it once when a joke didn't.

• 11:12Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Do well, but I did it, I, you know, you go over your set.

• 11:15Sam Morril?

  But then do you keep the joke in the special?

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Five hundred times.

• 11:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  And I had my whole set and then I did a joke that I did a punchline that he told me to do that I knew wasn't gonna work.

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, smart.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  And then it bombed and I turned around and I'm like, you shouldn't have listened to him. You knew that joke wouldn't work.

• 11:33Sam Morril?

  You did it on The Tonight Show?

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:35Sam Morril?

  I love that.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, I don't give a shit anymore.

• 11:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  You guys know what I'm talking about. Nothing means anything in this business, like.

• 11:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, you got a deal? I'm like, yeah, it won't go through.

• 11:46Mark Normand?

  It won't go through.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  It's more money, but it's not, yeah.

• 11:49Mark Normand?

  So true. I mean, you just see the Tonight Show offer. You set the set in, they're like, it's a little dark and you're like, all right, fuck it.

• 11:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm not trying, I'm not trying to.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  You don't need to.

• 11:59Sam Morril?

  I'm not trying to neuter a set at this point. We've talked, yeah, we've talked about this shit to death, but I mean, uh, yeah, that, it's kind of a beautiful thing that this terror you, you came up with, like this gear you can shift into came out of bombing.

• 12:13Mark Normand?

  True.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  I did it for the first time when I tanked and I hated the crowd.

• 12:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  And I'm like, none of these people matter. They could never do what you're doing. You know, they all hate themselves, like.

• 12:22Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  You know, it's, it's, it came from that, but it really came from like.

• 12:27Sam Morril?

  Like self-confidence, but also self-hatred, which is what I like.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is. It's both. You're right. But it came from being in therapy for so long. My mom's a therapist, you know, like it's all that psychological shit.

• 12:38Mark Normand?

  Well, you need that trauma.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Really get.

• 12:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:40Mark Normand?

  You need that bombing to pull something out of you sometimes. So as, as horrible as it is, it actually gave birth to this great move.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Thing when you don't, aren't doing well.

• 12:49Mark Normand?

  Well, that's where I got comedy, cause I was bombing so much and I was like, this is comedy. I'm doing comedy. Like I had to remind them. Like I'd say an offensive joke and they were like, jeez, I'm like, I'm joking. I'm, I'm comedy.

• 12:59Sam Morril?

  I do my own thing. I go humor, you know? This is humor. No, I usually just let them know I know it's not going well. I'm like, I don't want you to think I suck and I'm not self-aware. So I just, I let them know this is not going well. I'm aware. So I like, I, I, I try to turn it through like bonding over how much we both don't like each other.

• 13:15Mark Normand?

  Right, that's good.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  I used to just get really angry. I'm sure you did when I was starting out.

• 13:20Sam Morril?

  Of course. Well, because you're doing so many bad shows that you, you're like a rabid dog. You're just ready to, you're like a dog that's just getting hit. So you're just like ready to fucking attack. Even nice crowds sometimes.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  I know. Yeah, I used to go crazy on people.

• 13:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Years ago. I don't do it anymore unless it's like.

• 13:35Sam Morril?

  I think I saw that back in the day.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:37Sam Morril?

  I'm sure, I'm sure, you know, we've all seen each other like spiral a little.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  I told this story on Birbiglia's podcast, but it's really amazing. Did you hear when I walked offstage?

• 13:48Mark Normand?

  Lay it on me.

• 13:49Sam Morril?

  No, I didn't hear this.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  I was in the, you know, in the small, in the lounge at the Cellar and I was burnt out, you know, doing so many weekends on the road. And this guy supposedly was talking the whole show. He was like in the front row and this, you know, buff Connecticut, like, you know, financial guy. And he's with this hot girl. They're both hot. And I go up and he's talking and just looking at me like this and, uh, and they get up to leave. They're in the front, I'm the last comic and they get up to walk out and I go, oh God, I'm sorry you guys are leaving. But, um, I hope you're going home to have set, like you're so hot, both of you. Like it was a compliment.

• 14:28Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  And he's like, yeah, whatever. Fuck. And then he walks out. He comes back in and he goes, by the way, your hair looks like shit.

• 14:37Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 14:38Sam Morril?

  Jesus.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  I snapped.

• 14:40Sam Morril?

  That is the cattiest, straight dude insult.

• 14:43Mark Normand?

  True.

• 14:44Sam Morril?

  And by the way, I don't like your shoes either.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 14:47Sam Morril?

  Who the fuck?

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, you have horrible knees. So I snapped.

• 14:50Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  This has happened to you guys, but something turned in me.

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  I've had, you see red.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Oh, I saw red. I was like, it, it was so insane what happened to me. So, and he was in that little curtain area where you pay.

• 15:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  You know, in between the two clubs.

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  I said, excuse me, everyone, this is the craziest story, right? I put my mic in the stand calmly. I walked out into the curtain area and I, he was, he was up against the wall. And I said, don't you ever fucking talk to me like, so the whole crowd heard.

• 15:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  I said, who the fuck do you think you are? I'm like, you probably treat her like shit, you fucking asshole. I'm like, I can't even imagine what you do to her if you just talk to me like that. I don't even know you.

• 15:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  And he was like, hey, hey, hey, you know.

• 15:36Mark Normand?

  And this was Jeffrey Epstein.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  And so there's enormous, there's enormous guys at the cellar. Your security guys, and they're dying laughing. Cause I literally had this up guy up against the wall. Like, I'm gonna fucking fuck you. I don't know what happened. I've never done that.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Good for you.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  And, cause I saw dad, like that, my dad was like that.

• 15:56Mark Normand?

  You went off on dad.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  I think that's what happened.

• 15:59Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  And his girlfriend was like, he didn't even do anything. And I'm like, shut up, shut the fuck. So I started abusing her, but anyway.

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  And I walked out, back into the audience. They all stood up and gave me a standing ovation. And I'm like, I'm so sorry, but I snapped and I had had it. Like I'd, yeah.

• 16:17Mark Normand?

  Did you get the clip?

• 16:20Mark Normand?

  That's where comedy's at now.

• 16:21Sam Morril?

  Comedian follows heckler home back to Connecticut.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, and all the comics heard about it. I mean, it was really.

• 16:27Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  This was a while ago.

• 16:29Sam Morril?

  You know what's crazy? I heard this guy did the same thing to a heckler at the cellar. He stole your essence or something.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  Really?

• 16:35Sam Morril?

  No, it's crazy. I, I had a breaking moment like that once way back in the day. I was at the Village Lantern. I was just like bombing for like.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  Which is a dump, we all did it.

• 16:45Sam Morril?

  It was tough.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  But what a dump that is.

• 16:46Sam Morril?

  You'd either have a great, like, wow, I can't believe I turned this set. Or you have those sets where you're just like, should I be doing this?

• 16:53Speaker 02

  I know.

• 16:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's in a basement. It's a small room. It's like.

• 16:57Mark Normand?

  It's barked in.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  But it's good, it's barked, right? People are.

• 16:59Sam Morril?

  But it was, you'd have moments where you're like.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  You could try out stuff.

• 17:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I, I remember it was one of those where there's like fucking six people or something in the crowd. And I'm just bombing and this one guy's just like, you fucking suck. He just said, and it's like six people. And it's the point where I'm like. It's like hard when you're not doing well enough like, cause you know, at this point, someone does it, you're like, I got the room on my side. You're fucking dead. When you got six people, you're just kinda like, and it was, I'd had so many sets like that in a row, where I finally was like, why don't you fucking meet me outside then? And, and I was like, and I, I couldn't see what he looked like. I didn't know who I was fucking challenging to a fucking fight.

• 17:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:31Sam Morril?

  But I was like, why don't you fucking meet me outside? And I walked off stage and I walked up to him and I was like, why don't you fucking meet me? And he was like, no, man, no. And, and he was with a friend. His friend was kinda like, and I was like, in my head, I'm like, I think I could take this dude, but I'm also really glad he backed down. Cause I don't wanna fucking fight.

• 17:46Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 17:47Sam Morril?

  But, uh, but I was that, I, I saw red like that where I was like, you, you have, usually even in those bad sets, even in the early days, you try to do it.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  You try to do anything to diffuse it.

• 17:56Sam Morril?

  But, but it was at that point, I just fucking broke and I was like, let's fucking go.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you guys did what I did.

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Where I went up every night and did fucking four, five, six, seven shit. Like it's rare. I, you guys did it.

• 18:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  And you still do stuff, right? But a lot of people now do not do it.

• 18:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 18:14Sam Morril?

  It's hard to shut off though. It's like, it was really hard. Like, I, I realize I should be doing less sets. I, I think it takes a toll at a certain point when you do too many sets. Cause what's like what Rock always says, like, your audience is living, you gotta be living.

• 18:27Mark Normand?

  You gotta be living.

• 18:29Sam Morril?

  And, uh, so I do think the repetition, like, but then every time I feel that way, I'll get, I'll get like one line. I'm like, I wouldn't have gotten that line if I didn't fucking do all these sets.

• 18:37Mark Normand?

  So true.

• 18:38Sam Morril?

  Cause you start to hate the material so much that it forces out a new joke. You're like, I can't. And then sometimes I'll mix it up. I'm like, fuck, I had four, I was with my brother and we're just pounding martinis and, uh, I had to go do an hour at the cellar. He's like, are you good like this? I'm like, yeah, sometimes I gotta mix it up and be loose.

• 18:54Mark Normand?

  I completely agree.

• 18:55Sam Morril?

  And I, and I was looser. I mean, it's not, I'm not gonna do that all the time, but every once in a while you're like, I'm just throwing fucking lines out.

• 19:01Mark Normand?

  Mix it up.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, those are good. I mean, those shows are real. Like you said, when I was doing two, I was burnt out for years and I'm like, I have to take a night off or like a weekend vacation. I can't.

• 19:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  I have this fear of losing it.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 19:13Mark Normand?

  Cause you, you get that momentum and you're like, hey, I'm writing a lot. I'm getting up a lot. I'm finishing jokes and perfecting my act. And then you, you get scared. You take three days off and then you go back up and you're like,

• 19:22Speaker 02

  That's what's happening to me now because I'm not on the road as much this month and it's really affecting me.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  You feel it.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  But isn't that hilarious? That, that sentence, this month.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  I know.

• 19:31Sam Morril?

  Like year round, we're still touring like motherfuckers, but I relate to what you just said.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  I tour like you guys do.

• 19:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  I mean, so does Rachel. Like, I tour, you know, I, I can, I could, a lot of people like, I'm taking the summer off. I'm like, what?

• 19:44Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  How can you take the whole summer off?

• 19:46Sam Morril?

  Well, I, I kinda had to because I had 50 cities already this year, so I was out, but like.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  But then we're going to Europe.

• 19:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:51Mark Normand?

  Because you're like, I need more cities.

• 19:52Sam Morril?

  I'm going to Europe again, October.

• 19:54Mark Normand?

  Going to Australia.

• 19:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  I love Europe. Yeah.

• 19:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Europe is fun.

• 19:57Mark Normand?

  Well, I gotta tell you my snap set.

• 19:59Sam Morril?

  Please.

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  So I was at the VU and this lady, when she kept going, boo, boo.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  I can't take it.

• 20:04Mark Normand?

  Like after every joke, and it was like, the jokes would do pretty good, but she was like, boo. So I said, you wanna go outside? And I beat the shit out of her.

• 20:13Mark Normand?

  No, I'm kidding, but. At least with a guy, you can challenge him to fight. With a girl, you just wanna call her a. But you can't go right to.

• 20:22Sam Morril?

  You have, you have to, you have to let them know how shitty, because they don't, they don't know usually how shitty the person is.

• 20:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 20:28Sam Morril?

  Because our spider sense is tingling from the, from the jump.

• 20:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Sam Morril?

  So you have to, you have to let it unfold and you have to let them kinda be, it's like a fucking actual fight. You have to let them make the first move.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  You have to, because then the audience turns on you, and I'm gonna say something that people might not like. But especially if you're a.

• 20:46Mark Normand?

  Will like it.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Kike.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  No, if you're a white guy, it's even harder.

• 20:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:54Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  I'm serious.

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  Acknowledgement.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Because it's like immediately.

• 20:59Sam Morril?

  It depends on who's heckling.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  I know, I'm saying if it's a woman.

• 21:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 21:02Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  If it's a woman, they are like, it's, you immediately.

• 21:07Mark Normand?

  You're a straight white guy.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  It's the worst, I'm telling you.

• 21:09Sam Morril?

  It depends on the room.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  If you're a gay guy, it's okay. Like, yeah.

• 21:12Sam Morril?

  It depends on, like, if you just let it play out a little, though, man, it's, it can be.

• 21:17Mark Normand?

  It can unravel on him.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  I mean, some of, I've gone through so many things like that and then ended up like high fiving the person like, but I'll say, you guys are all tense and he's fine. Like, we're, we're at a point where we're bantering, it's fine, but you're all tense, like, that it's not okay.

• 21:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:33Sam Morril?

  They'll, they'll hang themselves. A lot of the time, if you just let them, if you feel like they're an asshole, and you let them just kinda have the floor a little bit.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 21:41Sam Morril?

  They're not used to talking, they're gonna hang themselves.

• 21:43Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent. And they just get meaner and meaner, and then you can just kinda pull back and just like, "Keep being mean to me. Everybody's watching you. Be a douche." You know what the worst is? When somebody fucks with you all your whole show? And then you see him outside and they're like, "That was great, man. We really had a moment there." And I was like, "I hate you. I wanna kill you."

• 21:59Speaker 02

  This is the best. I, I, I helped you out.

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I helped you out.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  I helped you.

• 22:04Mark Normand?

  God, you remember Hitler did that. "I helped you out."

• 22:06Speaker 02

  I love when people scream, which they don't really anymore, but they, if they would scream out like, "You suck, you fat bitch." And I'm like, "Who was, who was that? Come, let's have a conversation."

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  And then they duck. I'm like, "You're a fucking pussy."

• 22:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, own it.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  If you're gonna say that, now you're hiding from me?

• 22:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, there's this weird thing with crowds where they think we can, we're allowed to be mean to you. You're the clown, you're the comedian. And I'm like, "I'm up here alone, I'm vulnerable, I'm trying, you guys bought a ticket, I'm trying to entertain you." Why, what gives you the right to be mean? Like the guy's saying your hair.

• 22:36Sam Morril?

  It's a comedy seller, it was a cheap ticket.

• 22:38Mark Normand?

  That too.

• 22:38Sam Morril?

  Shut up. You're getting a great show.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  I know. It's, you're getting an amazing, the best show.

• 22:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And here's another one I love. "Come on, you're supposed to be able to take it. You're a comedian, professional comedian, you can't take it." I'm like, "It's not that I can't take it, I just don't want it. A cop can take a shot, a shooting, but he doesn't wanna go into a shooting."

• 22:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's true. I mean, honestly, like, old show, I do a lot of old shows, like in Florida and stuff.

• 23:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  And they're horrific. Cause they'll just yell out, "This isn't funny."

• 23:05Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  They say, "What, who is this?"

• 23:08Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  You couldn't get someone out, it's like a free show for them at the development or something.

• 23:12Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  And they're like, "Who, hi, I mean, I want my money back." And it's like, free. Like, they're just...

• 23:17Mark Normand?

  You start to get Hamas.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. One of them, it's in my special, but one of them once asked me to get them a seltzer water. This is totally, she's like, "I need a seltzer water. Can you get me a seltzer?" I'm like, "Now I'm the fucking waitress."

• 23:29Sam Morril?

  People in wheelchairs start walking out, you're like, "Holy shit. I knew they had it in them."

• 23:32Mark Normand?

  Wow, seltzer, Florida, what are these, Asians?

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:38Mark Normand?

  Damn, yeah, the war stories out there. That's, people don't get all this. They see the, the glimpse and the glamour, the Hulu, and they go, oh, it must be nice. You're like, what are you kidding?

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had a bottle thrown at me.

• 23:48Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  At Broadway, a guy, a-

• 23:50Sam Morril?

  I got spit on there, yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  If someone spit on me, I'm telling you right now, I would kill them.

• 23:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Like, anything physical like that, I would-

• 23:59Sam Morril?

  A bottle's fucking worse than spitting.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  I was like a year in-

• 24:02Sam Morril?

  Spits more disrespectful.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  And it was all tourists, it was at Broadway. It was all tourists, and this French guy threw a full water bottle at me.

• 24:10Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Okay, and I ducked, it didn't hit me. I picked it up, this is a snapping thing too. I picked it up, turned it over, and whipped it at him, and he ducked, and it hit a Swedish woman in the shoulder.

• 24:22Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  And she's like, ow, how could you do-

• 24:25Mark Normand?

  That's impressive, you duck like George Bush.

• 24:27Sam Morril?

  Right there.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's bad.

• 24:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:30Mark Normand?

  That's great, but if someone spit on you, you'd kill them. You hear that, Rich Voss?

• 24:34Speaker 02

  I wouldn't.

• 24:36Mark Normand?

  Better, better stand a few feet away from old Jess here. Sorry. Okay, that's for three people to get that joke.

• 24:42Sam Morril?

  I liked it.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I liked it too.

• 24:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:44Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  It was really funny.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, if someone spit in my face, did they spit in your face?

• 24:51Sam Morril?

  Chest.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  I just can't with that.

• 24:53Sam Morril?

  It was rough. I was young too, it was like, you know.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's rough.

• 24:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's bad. I'm impressed you ducked on the water bottle.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, he was like a little bit of a-

• 25:03Sam Morril?

  Why are they doing giving out glass water bottles there too? I guess they give out glasses.

• 25:06Mark Normand?

  Or was it a Poland?

• 25:07Speaker 02

  No, it was a, it was a-

• 25:09Sam Morril?

  A glass?

• 25:09Speaker 02

  No, it was a, a-

• 25:11Mark Normand?

  Bottle.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Bottle of, of plastic.

• 25:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, plastic.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  But those are heavy.

• 25:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 25:16Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, they got some heft.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Like, it wasn't even opened. And he just whipped it at me.

• 25:20Mark Normand?

  That's insane behavior. That guy should be arrested.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  I mean, it was, it was crazy.

• 25:23Sam Morril?

  That is crazy.

• 25:24Mark Normand?

  Weird.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  Has anyone ever gone on stage with you? That's happened to me.

• 25:27Sam Morril?

  Like, attack?

• 25:28Mark Normand?

  Once. I kicked him though. I kicked him, he was walking up the little stairs at the, uh, what's the club? Funny Bone in, in, uh- Manchester, Connecticut.

• 25:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, Hartford.

• 25:38Mark Normand?

  Hartford, they call it. He came on and I gave him one of these. Like, get back. Kind of thing. He was a big fat guy, it was, it was pretty scary.

• 25:45Sam Morril?

  That's so funny, because it happened to me in Connecticut too. It was, uh, the Bijou Theater and, uh- Bridgeport, Connecticut. In the theater, someone? It wasn't a nice theater. It was, I was, I mean, it is a nice theater, but I wasn't like selling tickets to that. It was kinda like, I did this gig for these people and it was like, uh, they were, they were talking it up. We're like, oh my god, like, we're gonna book you. And it wasn't even crazy money, but at that point it was nice money. Of course, it's a lot. And, uh, they were like, we gotta see you in the city first. And I was like, alright. So they, they see me at Eastville Comedy Club. Yeah. And I'm like auditioning for a gig. And I crush. It's one of, Eastville on Saturday night, back in the day was like, they were layoffs. They were, it was so easy to kill in there. And, and they were like, if you do this well here, imagine how well you'll do in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

• 26:29Sam Morril?

  I'm like, not how it works. Yeah. But that's alright. And, uh, we get there and it's like a weird gig. There's like a weird friend they have there. They're like, this is our friend, the muscle. And I was like, alright. Oh, this is getting worse. There was something weird about him where he was like, uh, I was like, why are you like, uh, he's always telling me about like how he was in prison. He was like, I was in the clink. And I'm like, alright, these are fucking weird dudes, I guess, whatever. But this guy keeps fucking heckling me during the show to the point where like, I put, I put him down every clever way. It was kinda like, I was kinda doing alright. But, uh, it gets to a point where like 25 minutes in, I can't tell a joke, he won't shut the fuck up. It's so annoying. I finally go, you're a fucking idiot. You're a Neanderthal. You're a dipshit. And then he stands up and I'm, he's like 6'6".

• 27:12Sam Morril?

  And fucking huge. And I was like, and you're the biggest dude I've ever seen in my life. And he starts walking toward the stage. And I was like, well, surely security will do something. There's no fucking security. So he starts trying to mount on this. I'm like, are you fucking, so I just, I just walk off stage. I'm, I'm fucking, I run off. That's horrific. And I'm hiding in some fucking, some green room and some woman comes out, like, the crowd's booing me, by the way. Yeah. This is horrible. I don't know if they're booing me or the situation, who, probably me. Uh, they're like, you should have fucking fought him. Uh, but I'm in the green room and the woman's yelling at me like, how the fuck, like, do you get off? And I'm like, I've been punched in the face a few weeks, like a few months ago in, in, for a gig in Seattle. Some guy fucking sucker punched me.

• 27:50Sam Morril?

  Cause I insulted his girlfriend in a bar. I was on a bad streak of confrontation. But she was, she insulted me and then I fucking insulted her and then he popped me in the face. Whoa. And, uh, I was like, alright. And then, uh, so I'm like, I don't need this again. I'm like, let me, I, I dodged a bullet, not getting like a broken jaw the way I'm seeing it getting sucker punched. So I'm in there and this woman's like, go back out there. And I was like, no.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  This is insane.

• 28:15Sam Morril?

  Wow. And she goes, go back out there. And I was like, have you ever been punched in the face?

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Go back out there.

• 28:20Sam Morril?

  And I was like, have you ever done comedy? She goes, no. I was like, well, then you're not really qualified to tell me what to do. And it keeps int- and by the way, uh, it keeps going back and forth. And I was like, fuck Bridgeport. Yeah, shit town. I shit you not, I'm holding the fucking microphone the whole time. It's a cordless mic. The crowd hears this whole, they hear me being a pussy. They hear me, they hear this whole interaction. I'm getting booed and.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  This is so crazy.

• 28:41Sam Morril?

  And I had to go back out and finish the show. What'd the guy do? The buff guy? They got rid of him eventually. But it was like, it was like seven minutes, but it felt like fucking forever. Of course, seven minutes is long.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Oh, that is.

• 28:51Sam Morril?

  And I had to go back out and do like another 25 to 30.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  Oh my god, this is seriously a nightmare.

• 28:56Sam Morril?

  And it was not a good 25 or 30, but I got paid. Hey, you got paid.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:01Sam Morril?

  And a story.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  That's really.

• 29:02Sam Morril?

  And they snuck me out the back. You don't feel like a winner leaving that game.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, they snuck me out the back the night of Broadway, but I was at Dangerfield's once. I would, used to be there every single night. I, unbelievable, unbelievable. And.

• 29:13Sam Morril?

  Since closed.

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. And now it's Rodney's.

• 29:16Sam Morril?

  Yes. Are you serious? Yeah. You haven't done it? Rodney's? What a fucking silly change. I know. They revamped the whole inside too.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I, I was up and it's always tourists and these two like Swedish women, they were huge, hated me. They were like rugby pla- they were enormous. And they came to the stage and I took the mic stand and was like, I can't get into a fight.

• 29:40Sam Morril?

  Like a lion tamer.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like, you need to go sit down. And the staff there, they all would wear, remember those black like tuxedo jackets?

• 29:48Sam Morril?

  Yes, yes.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  And they literally stand there like this and watch everything that happened.

• 29:54Sam Morril?

  Unbelievable.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  And do nothing. And I was like, are you guys gonna handle it?

• 29:56Sam Morril?

  It's got the vibe of a funeral every time you walk in. There's like a darkness to it. Yeah, guys in red jackets. I haven't been back, but, but it's.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  I haven't been to the new room.

• 30:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  I mean, is it okay? Ah!

• 30:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I don't wanna get into it, but uh...

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Cause I thought of, cause I, my partner lives down the street.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  So I was like, I should just walk up there and do shows.

• 30:18Mark Normand?

  I think if you announced the show and like, your people came, it'd be great.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not doing that.

• 30:22Mark Normand?

  Okay, other than that, it's a, it's a, it's a toss-up of, of, there's gonna be an audience there.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:28Sam Morril?

  Doesn't look like great reviews yet.

• 30:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, hey, that's a fiver.

• 30:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Three ones in a row ain't great, though.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Ones?

• 30:36Sam Morril?

  Another one, damn, what the hell, why is it so bad? Can we zoom in on some of these?

• 30:40Mark Normand?

  I feel bad, we're taking this club down a peg here.

• 30:42Sam Morril?

  Well, I don't, you know, maybe it's a wake-up call for them, maybe it's good, these are real reviews, right?

• 30:46Speaker 02

  I feel like so many clubs would get bad reviews.

• 30:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, the Cellar gets a lot of them.

• 30:50Sam Morril?

  Do they?

• 30:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, cause, you know.

• 30:54Sam Morril?

  Some of them might not be fair, wouldn't, yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 30:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a long one. Oh, that's the owner.

• 31:01Sam Morril?

  They wrote back.

• 31:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, the owner's writing back.

• 31:02Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 31:05Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, they're trying.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, if you're getting back to people, that's great.

• 31:09Sam Morril?

  Oh, there's a lot of good fives.

• 31:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, great place for comedy.

• 31:11Sam Morril?

  Wouldn't be funny if the owner, if it was one of those, some of these places, the owners are so toxic, I could just picture them writing back like, "Thank you, Kelly, you stupid..."

• 31:18Mark Normand?

  Ahahaha, yeah.

• 31:21Mark Normand?

  Great crowd work, alright, great, alright.

• 31:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, a lot of fivers there, alright, there we go, Rodney.

• 31:26Mark Normand?

  Big five, Tom and I's laughing all night.

• 31:28Sam Morril?

  Hey, maybe we will pop in.

• 31:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, Larry Baye, wait, he's a comedian.

• 31:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:31Mark Normand?

  He wrote his owner fucking...

• 31:36Sam Morril?

  Didn't he write for Frasier?

• 31:38Mark Normand?

  He did, yeah, that's his credit. Top notch! Oh, man.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  Can you imagine if it's all comedians giving the good reviews?

• 31:44Mark Normand?

  That'd be great.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  I was great last night.

• 31:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I killed. Okay, oh, the owner again, boy, the owner is really busy, well, now I feel bad, the owner's trying.

• 31:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:53Mark Normand?

  Good luck to you there, Rodney.

• 31:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well... Well, the three of us will do a set there tonight.

• 32:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we'll pop in. Uh, boy, these heckle stories are wild.

• 32:06Sam Morril?

  Kinda fun.

• 32:07Mark Normand?

  And you're doing clubs, theaters, where are you at?

• 32:09Sam Morril?

  You're in theaters, aren't you?

• 32:09Speaker 02

  I've been doing theaters for the past couple of years, but now I'm, I mean, some clubs, but now this summer, I'm doing a bunch of clubs. And I have to be honest, I'm dreading it.

• 32:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, really? Cause it's so long of a weekend?

• 32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, instead of one night, one show, it's like-

• 32:24Mark Normand?

  Four, three?

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Or being away two, three nights and you're doing a theater each night, which is great.

• 32:28Sam Morril?

  Kids, I get it.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 32:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  And it's like, now I have to do five shows in three nights, or four shows. And sometimes it's, it's good money, but sometimes it's the same money.

• 32:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  Like you guys know.

• 32:38Mark Normand?

  True, true.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  For one show. It's like, at sellout, you'll make this much. It's like, it's the middle of the summer. You know, I'm in a mall in like Columbus. Like, this is not, I'll do well, but it's- And plus, it's even more people in a huge club for five shows than it is in a theater I would do.

• 32:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Sometimes it's like almost two thousand people for the weekend.

• 32:58Sam Morril?

  I totally, I totally am with you. Sometimes what helps is like, I just like, I'm just gonna treat this like I have no distractions. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm gonna write as much as possible.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  I know. It's the best way to work on stuff.

• 33:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  That's why I'm doing it too. Like-

• 33:11Sam Morril?

  And the repetition, man.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  I know. There's nothing like it. Every time I come back from one of those weekends, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so- Like, I feel so good, yeah.

• 33:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but at least, the food's great.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 33:24Mark Normand?

  In the club.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a maid, the chicken fingers.

• 33:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I know, I always overdrink and I eat the, the wings-

• 33:30Speaker 02

  It's shit, yeah.

• 33:30Mark Normand?

  The pizzas, whatever's in there. I always gained six pounds in like a big zit.

• 33:34Sam Morril?

  It's impossible. It's impossible, dude.

• 33:36Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. You know, you always go, I'm gonna eat good on the road, but then eating good is like, ah, went to Panda Express, you know, I had some rice and broccoli.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  I know, some people go out to like gor- like amazing restaurants.

• 33:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  I'm like, I hate myself. I am not taking myself.

• 33:51Sam Morril?

  Also, how do you even do that when you got two shows, you know?

• 33:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the time.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  I don't know if they'll go out during the day.

• 33:56Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  They really pamper themselves. I am not like that at all.

• 34:00Mark Normand?

  Me neither, like Tim Dillon goes to the best steakhouse and all that shit.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, when I was on the, with Tom Segura last summer, doing all these gigs in Canada, we went to the sickest restaurants.

• 34:10Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 34:11Speaker 02

  And it's like, I wa- I, I don't really care, like, I wanted to be with him and like Bobby Lee and these other people, but I don't really care about like

• 34:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  amazing restaurants and...

• 34:21Sam Morril?

  I like it for the bonding. I like like going out and stuff.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but when I'm with Gary, he's demanding some good food.

• 34:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, right.

• 34:28Sam Morril?

  But yeah, but clubs, we usually just order into the club. We just...

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, what the hell? Why don't I do that?

• 34:33Speaker 02

  I've done that many, many times.

• 34:35Mark Normand?

  I've never thought of that.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I do that a lot.

• 34:37Sam Morril?

  I just can't go, I can't do two hours if I'm eating chicken wings and chicken fingers and shit. I need something

• 34:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:43Sam Morril?

  a little lighter.

• 34:44Mark Normand?

  How were the Segura gig? Was that arenas?

• 34:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were sick.

• 34:48Mark Normand?

  Wow, really?

• 34:49Speaker 02

  They were either outdoor, it was that great outdoor, whatever.

• 34:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, that was cool.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they were unbelievable. I did like a fifteen thousand seat arena with him and

• 34:59Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  in the round, and it was unbelievable.

• 35:02Sam Morril?

  How much time you do?

• 35:03Speaker 02

  I was nervous, because I never did in the round.

• 35:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  And, you know, it's his fans.

• 35:08Mark Normand?

  Sure, they're wild fun guys.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  They're great, and it went well, but I, you know, he told me what to do. Like, I had, I turned around, looked at different people, because I'm so used to just standing

• 35:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  in one place. I don't move.

• 35:21Mark Normand?

  And it was you and Bobby Lee?

• 35:23Speaker 02

  It was me and Bobby Lee.

• 35:24Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's a fun show.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:26Mark Normand?

  Who got more puss?

• 35:27Speaker 02

  And Kirk.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  I was dating someone already. Yeah, it was really, and then some of them were outdoors.

• 35:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, Kirk Fox, maybe?

• 35:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's funny.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  He's great. He's fun.

• 35:40Mark Normand?

  Fun dude, and Tom's so chill and easygoing.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  I love him.

• 35:44Mark Normand?

  He's a good egg.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  I just did Your Mom's House. I love him.

• 35:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:47Sam Morril?

  He just, he just did the pod. He's the best.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  He's so funny, too.

• 35:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  He's real.

• 35:52Mark Normand?

  He's very real.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  It's like we're friends, like, it's not, we've become good friends. I love him.

• 35:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he doesn't work a lot, though.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, he doesn't, just every weekend.

• 36:01Mark Normand?

  Every weekend at a book.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the other kind of gig. We did those outdoor, um, where everyone's sitting and...

• 36:08Sam Morril?

  I will say this. Those are fun gigs. In general, can we stop with the outdoor comedy?

• 36:13Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  It's a lot.

• 36:15Sam Morril?

  Rachel just came to see me from one and she's like, I did an outdoor benefit. And I go, it's a fucking heatwave.

• 36:20Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, she did it in the city.

• 36:22Sam Morril?

  Who's booking outdoor benefits in the summer in New York?

• 36:26Mark Normand?

  It's crazy.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Cause it's probably so much cheaper.

• 36:28Mark Normand?

  Ah, you don't have to rent a building.

• 36:30Sam Morril?

  It's a hell gig.

• 36:31Mark Normand?

  It is. It is. You just count the minutes.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  I hated, it's hell. People are walking around.

• 36:36Sam Morril?

  So she's doing someone a favor. So you're doing someone a favor to eat shit on their show, which I'm kinda like, I can't.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  You're setting yourself up for failure, basically. Maybe not, but I don't do that stuff anymore. I can't. I give her credit, cause I just, it's too much. Like, if I know it's gonna be horrific, I mean, you have to pay me a shitload to do that.

• 36:57Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm at the Great Outdoors Fest in Calgary.

• 37:01Sam Morril?

  It was fun, dude.

• 37:02Mark Normand?

  Was it? Okay.

• 37:02Sam Morril?

  I had a good time doing it.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  I did too. Cause they're good, they're comedy fans. Everyone that goes is a comedy fan.

• 37:08Sam Morril?

  That was the rare thing where it kinda worked, but like, it rarely works, dude.

• 37:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:12Sam Morril?

  They kept people really tight, which was nice. The crowds were huge. It's easier. I've also done like, a couple, like, when you do those music fests and you're in a tent, it's not as bad either. When there's some ceiling.

• 37:23Mark Normand?

  I like a tent.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:24Sam Morril?

  But, uh, it was a fun fest.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  These have a huge, your cover, cause it was pouring.

• 37:31Sam Morril?

  The ones I did were not, but there was, it was a wildfire, so there was, the city was shut down. We literally, it was me and Theo, uh, and Laura Peak, and the city is, they're like, we gotta shut down the city. Uh, of course, like, you know, Theo's like, eh, it's not a big deal, man. I'm like, dude, it's, like, this is fucking bad air quality. I'm being like the token Jew. I'm like, this is not suitable.

• 37:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 37:56Sam Morril?

  And right after I say that, they're like, the city's shut down. Will you guys stay another night? And we're like, yeah, all right. And the next night, I'm like, it's gonna be better air quality tomorrow? They're like, yeah, yeah. It's at eight.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Worse.

• 38:06Sam Morril?

  It's at seven Friday. Saturday is at nine.

• 38:09Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 38:10Sam Morril?

  And we're like, I guess we're doing the fucking show in worse air. We should've just done the show.

• 38:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I couldn't believe they did it when it was pouring, pouring.

• 38:16Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 38:17Speaker 02

  And I was shocked that people were, thousands of people sat in the pouring rain. I'm like, yeah.

• 38:23Mark Normand?

  Holy moly.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  It wasn't just raining. It was like, really bad.

• 38:27Mark Normand?

  No tent? Or?

• 38:28Speaker 02

  No, around them?

• 38:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  I had a thing up on top.

• 38:31Sam Morril?

  They didn't have, they got drenched?

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Thousands of people got drenched.

• 38:35Mark Normand?

  That's insane.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  By the way, you didn't get your money back. If it says in the ticket thing, if it's raining, you don't, you either show up or you don't get your money back. I guess because they're outdoors. I don't know.

• 38:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think I'd rather the smoke.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  But I was shocked, I was shocked. We were all shocked that there were so many people.

• 38:49Sam Morril?

  That's a tough, and they laughed still.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  They did.

• 38:51Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  But I mean.

• 38:53Sam Morril?

  It's a story.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I, you know, I can do well. Bobby kills and, and Tom, they are in love with.

• 39:01Sam Morril?

  An old lady died of hypothermia later that night, so.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Someone drowned, but it was really a good show.

• 39:06Mark Normand?

  Let's go Canadian, you know, like, we'll do it. We're nice, sorry, you know, we don't want to be in the way.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:12Mark Normand?

  But I don't think that would fly here. It was pouring rain.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  No.

• 39:15Mark Normand?

  People don't go to the shows indoors if it's raining.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  I know.

• 39:18Sam Morril?

  That's so true. Fuck.

• 39:20Mark Normand?

  We're all American.

• 39:22Sam Morril?

  We're lazy.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but now I feel like tickets are tough to move because, uh, prices are high, the heat wave tensions in the world.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Right, they're afraid to spend money.

• 39:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Um, you know, it's, it's, it's a weird time. Plus, we were booming for so long. After COVID, it was insane.

• 39:40Sam Morril?

  Maybe it's good. It'll flush some people out. Some people will quit.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 39:44Sam Morril?

  You just gotta ride on, just like hang on for a few years. It'll, it'll get good again. It's still good.

• 39:48Mark Normand?

  It's great. It's still, it's still, we're at like the tail end of the boom, which is still in the boom.

• 39:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 39:53Mark Normand?

  So I'll take it.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Well, I think we'll all like stay, like we'll be okay, but you're right. I think a lot of people will end up in the clubs again and not get out.

• 40:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, which is not horrible.

• 40:02Mark Normand?

  Nah, I like clubs.

• 40:03Sam Morril?

  I like clubs.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I like them for the reasons we said, to, to try materials. It's just easier for me than a theater.

• 40:10Mark Normand?

  And I think audiences like it too. They're like, he's right there, she's right there.

• 40:13Sam Morril?

  And you have to deal with those Ticketmaster fees. Like, I feel guilty that people are paying to see me and they're getting just raped by

• 40:22Speaker 02

  I know.

• 40:22Sam Morril?

  Live Nation. It's not, it's not right.

• 40:24Mark Normand?

  It ain't right. And, and you know, sometimes the theater, there's those balconies. You're just, those people are gone. Like, you're not even connecting with them in that big back room.

• 40:32Sam Morril?

  He was out of there. But, uh, no.

• 40:34Speaker 02

  Did you perform in that theater where he was, he, I performed in a theater in Dallas where he hid after the shooting. He went there and hid. Yeah, and hid under, um, one of the, like, they told me that after and I'm like, are you kidding? That's where they found him.

• 40:48Mark Normand?

  I thought he was shot in DC.

• 40:51Sam Morril?

  He made it that far?

• 40:53Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute, I'm confused. You're saying he hid there later? Or were we talking JFK here? What are we talking about?

• 41:00Speaker 02

  Let's see. I might, because I'm an idiot.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, see?

• 41:07Mark Normand?

  Ford Theater.

• 41:10Mark Normand?

  Which is where? We should know this.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Wait, what?

• 41:15Mark Normand?

  Where's Ford Theater? DC, okay.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  No, it wasn't him. Let's check Kennedy.

• 41:20Mark Normand?

  Are you thinking of, um, the, what's the guy who shot him? Lee Harvey Oswald?

• 41:25Speaker 02

  It might be.

• 41:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cuz I think the big story is Booth ran, shot him in a theater and ran.

• 41:34Sam Morril?

  Got out in the horseback, yeah.

• 41:34Mark Normand?

  And ran somewhere.

• 41:35Sam Morril?

  I watched that show.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is it.

• 41:36Sam Morril?

  I watched that show on your rec.

• 41:38Mark Normand?

  Good job, Manhunt.

• 41:38Sam Morril?

  Manhunt was good.

• 41:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  I never saw that.

• 41:40Sam Morril?

  It's on Apple. It's cool. It's about John Wilkes Booth. That was a Norman rec on the show.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Oh, I wanted to see.

• 41:45Mark Normand?

  He shot him in a theater and ran to a book depository, whereas Oswald shot him from a book depository and ran to a theater. I think that's the big, uh...

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Right, this is the theater I performed at.

• 41:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  It's gorgeous.

• 41:56Sam Morril?

  Which theater is it?

• 41:57Speaker 02

  Texas Theater.

• 41:58Mark Normand?

  Oak Cliff.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a movie theater.

• 42:00Mark Normand?

  Ah. That whole thing is crazy. He was shot, Kennedy was shot in a Ford Lincoln, and Lincoln was shot in Ford Theater.

• 42:10Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 42:12Mark Normand?

  You never heard this?

• 42:12Speaker 02

  No, never.

• 42:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's incredible. Give that a goog there, Peters. It's a hell of a coink- it's the biggest coincidence in history. Shot in a Ford Theater, he was shot in a Ford Lincoln, ah, I can't remember all the connections, but they're great.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 42:26Mark Normand?

  Then he, oh, Booth ran to Maryland and Kennedy fucked Marilyn Monroe, was the big end.

• 42:32Sam Morril?

  Damn, yeah, but that's a reach, that part.

• 42:33Mark Normand?

  That's why I forced the punchline.

• 42:37Mark Normand?

  Hold on, what is this? This is, no, you gotta give me the coinkydink. Oh, really?

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Oh, in the presence of the wise, shot him behind.

• 42:50Sam Morril?

  A lot of presidents have been shot.

• 42:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:52Sam Morril?

  It's eight, right?

• 42:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Reagan too, but...

• 42:54Speaker 02

  I remember the Reagan one.

• 42:55Mark Normand?

  Whoa, easy.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  That was, that was...

• 42:57Sam Morril?

  Don't show your age.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  I don't care. I could give a shit. I'm with a hot forty-year-old.

• 43:03Sam Morril?

  Me too.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  You are.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, it's, uh...

• 43:11Speaker 02

  That was insane. The footage of that was fucking insane.

• 43:14Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:15Mark Normand?

  Hinckley.

• 43:16Sam Morril?

  And James Brady got shot, right?

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's ended up in a wheelchair.

• 43:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 43:22Sam Morril?

  Brady Act, the charity that we started, yeah.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was...

• 43:26Mark Normand?

  His secretary was named Kennedy, his secretary was named Lincoln. Come on!

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 43:32Mark Normand?

  Shot in a theater, ran to a warehouse. Lee Harvey shot Kennedy in a warehouse, ran to a theater. The names Lincoln and Kennedy contain seven letters. The names Andrew Johnson and Lyndon Johnson each contain 13 letters. The names John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald each contain 15 letters.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  This is weird.

• 43:46Mark Normand?

  Both assassins were killed before being brought to trial. Both Johnsons were opposed for reelection by men whose names start with G. Keep going!

• 43:54Sam Morril?

  Damn!

• 43:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, there's way more!

• 43:57Sam Morril?

  And the movie JFK had Kevin Bacon, so...

• 44:01Mark Normand?

  Who?

• 44:01Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 44:03Sam Morril?

  I was just trying to do the Kevin Bacon six degrees thing.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  Maybe the... Oh, that might be, because, yeah.

• 44:09Mark Normand?

  All right, but yeah, it's just fun. It's the most coincidences in history. Ah, it's blurry. One of them's funny. They made it funny, but we'll find that in three years.

• 44:19Sam Morril?

  I do love stuff that ends up being like wordplay like that.

• 44:22Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 44:22Sam Morril?

  Remember Carlin's bit about Muhammad Ali? How they're like, "They won't let him fight if he won't go to war." They're like, "If you want to fight, you better kill."

• 44:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so good.

• 44:31Sam Morril?

  I mean, just simplicity.

• 44:33Mark Normand?

  Fun with history, American history.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  This is where Booth ran from a theater and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

• 44:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, both had three names. Crazy. Kennedy was born in 08.

• 44:45Sam Morril?

  Both assassins known by three names? That's like... Yeah, that's the common thing.

• 44:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:52Sam Morril?

  And the Trump failed assassin was a three...

• 44:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, Matthew Thomas Crooks.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Wait, we never heard about him again.

• 44:58Sam Morril?

  Hey, what's going on with that guy?

• 45:00Speaker 02

  Not one word.

• 45:01Mark Normand?

  He was, what is he, 17? He was pretty young. Hey, look how cute is Joe List?

• 45:10Sam Morril?

  How the hell does he have a herpesure when he's definitely a virgin?

• 45:14Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  He might have a peanut allergy.

• 45:18Mark Normand?

  Ah, he apparently had a huge dong.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  What?

• 45:21Sam Morril?

  What?

• 45:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, give it a go.

• 45:23Sam Morril?

  How the fuck did you do this?

• 45:24Mark Normand?

  I saw him on a video with a bunch of high school kids and he was bragging about his huge hog.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  I never saw a video of him.

• 45:31Mark Normand?

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• 46:10Mark Normand?

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• 46:56Mark Normand?

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• 47:40Mark Normand?

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• 48:26Mark Normand?

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• 49:03Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, this is...

• 49:06Mark Normand?

  I think he had like a 12-incher.

• 49:08Sam Morril?

  If he had a 12-incher, he wouldn't become an assassin.

• 49:11Mark Normand?

  But it gave him the confidence.

• 49:20Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  The fact that he just said penis made me more gay.

• 49:26Mark Normand?

  But something's up with him. Why don't we know more about this kid? I know more about Lee Harvey Oswald than I do about this guy, and this was less than a year ago. He had no silverware in his home.

• 49:38Mark Normand?

  Isn't that weird?

• 49:40Sam Morril?

  He sounded like a detective.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  He had no silverware in his home.

• 49:43Sam Morril?

  Something about this doesn't sit right.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:45Sam Morril?

  No silverware in his home.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  He kinda looked like Elizabeth Warren.

• 49:48Mark Normand?

  He does, yes.

• 49:50Sam Morril?

  Trump should have called him Boca Hottas.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  And she also has a 10-inch penis.

• 49:55Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  Good, good stuff.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  Who's that, oh?

• 50:00Mark Normand?

  She was alright.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  Was that, uh?

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the Princess of Wales.

• 50:08Sam Morril?

  This is the most scattered podcast.

• 50:09Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  This is insane. We're all ADD. This is like, we're talking, it's insane.

• 50:14Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 50:15Sam Morril?

  God damn it, dude.

• 50:15Mark Normand?

  I went to Wales. That is a wild place.

• 50:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you said they were the drunkest, right?

• 50:19Mark Normand?

  It was like the, I said, it was the Long Island of England. Like, it's, they're fatter, drunker, and trashier.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Really?

• 50:24Mark Normand?

  But I couldn't even understand them. Their accent was so thick.

• 50:27Sam Morril?

  I'm doing Manchester. I've never been there.

• 50:28Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  That's supposed to be great. And I have so many people that, like, message me from Manchester, and they're great, like...

• 50:35Mark Normand?

  Great crowd. It's a work in town.

• 50:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, good. Yeah, I love it.

• 50:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the blue collar.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Are you going to any other, like...

• 50:41Sam Morril?

  I'm going hard, all over Europe, like, just, you know, I think, I think we're doing, like, probably Lisbon, definitely Barcelona.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  I'm dying to go to Lisbon.

• 50:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:49Mark Normand?

  Unbelievable. Prettiest place I've ever been to.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  Really?

• 50:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so cute. It's right on the water, and then they got the old village with the stairs and those little white cottage houses.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Wow, look at it.

• 50:59Mark Normand?

  Look at that, it's a trolley that goes up the hill.

• 51:01Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 51:02Mark Normand?

  It's picturesque.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  That is gorgeous.

• 51:04Sam Morril?

  I got Milan, I got, uh...

• 51:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, Milan!

• 51:06Speaker 02

  I'm so jealous.

• 51:06Sam Morril?

  I'm pumped to comedy there. I'm kinda pumped.

• 51:08Mark Normand?

  Wow, Milan and Trump.

• 51:09Sam Morril?

  Then I got, uh, yeah, back to Dublin, back to London, back to Paris, back to Amsterdam, and then...

• 51:13Speaker 02

  I had fun in Paris.

• 51:14Sam Morril?

  And then Berlin, 'cause I've never been there, so if I get...

• 51:16Speaker 02

  Berlin were my favorite shows.

• 51:18Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 51:18Speaker 02

  I loved Berlin.

• 51:19Mark Normand?

  Well, you can go right in there.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:21Mark Normand?

  With the Jew stuff.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:22Mark Normand?

  That's fine.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, they loved it.

• 51:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:26Mark Normand?

  It's great. They got the guilt.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true. And they also have a lot of...

• 51:29Sam Morril?

  It's like being a black comic. You guys take your one chance to...

• 51:31Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly.

• 51:32Sam Morril?

  You're like, "You guys know what you did."

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. They, they have sex, very good sex clubs.

• 51:38Mark Normand?

  I went to one.

• 51:39Sam Morril?

  Did you go to one?

• 51:39Mark Normand?

  I went to Kit Kat.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  I, oh, that's like, I, I, we didn't have time. I was only there for one night and I had like a 6 a.m... Kit Kat is like, the club.

• 51:49Sam Morril?

  Is it crazy?

• 51:50Speaker 02

  First of all, what did you...

• 51:51Mark Normand?

  It was crazy. It was.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Everyone's fucking everywhere.

• 51:53Mark Normand?

  Everyone's fucking, and they only, they seem to only let attractive people in. 'Cause if you saw a fat guy, it was like a novelty.

• 52:02Mark Normand?

  But everybody's fucking, there's a room of crazy stuff. One guy was getting his dick pierced.

• 52:07Sam Morril?

  Oh, God.

• 52:07Speaker 02

  It's insane.

• 52:08Sam Morril?

  That's too much.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  Lot of S and M shit. What did you wear? Cause you have to wear an outfit, like not an outfit.

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  Pull up my Instagram. I went with the wife. I banged her in the club, by the way.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. This is so great.

• 52:19Mark Normand?

  We had to get dolled up. We shopped all day and uh...

• 52:23Sam Morril?

  Thank God you got in.

• 52:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's us dressed.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Mark, this is incredible.

• 52:27Mark Normand?

  I wear an eyeliner and nipple clamps. That's me drunk after. Um, we did shrooms. She touched my leg. It was great.

• 52:37Mark Normand?

  How about this, though? A guy, when I was banging the wife, cause you know, went in Rome, a guy did one of these and he goes, "Me next?" And I was like, "Hey, she's not a whore." Then I looked to my left, there's a guy yanking it to us banging, which was kinda flattering.

• 52:50Sam Morril?

  It was Doug Key.

• 52:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I was like, "What are you doing?"

• 52:54Speaker 02

  Did she mind? Well, she was probably fucked up, but did she mind that someone was like jerking off?

• 52:59Mark Normand?

  She was facing Mecca.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Cause I don't like, I don't...

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  Cause I was from behind. So she didn't... I was like, I had a head on a swivel. I was like a periscope, so I could see everybody.

• 53:07Sam Morril?

  It is hard to be in a sex club, like, "Do you mind?"

• 53:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 53:12Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 53:12Mark Normand?

  I made a Louis joke and I got out of there. But uh, yeah, we had a great time in Berlin.

• 53:17Sam Morril?

  The second you come, are you a little bit like, "What did I just do?"

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent, a thousand percent. Yeah, it was weird. Definitely skeeved.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  Cause you have to, you have to wear, you can't get in unless you're like naked or I mean, wearing like a crazy outfit. They won't let you in.

• 53:31Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 53:32Mark Normand?

  No, no. You had to dress like that.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  Mark, this outfit is so great.

• 53:37Mark Normand?

  I'm wearing pink fishnets. You can't see them.

• 53:39Sam Morril?

  You look like you're doing stand-up in Brooklyn.

• 53:43Speaker 02

  Look at you.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  Well, this is at the end of the night. I've been, I've been doing some crazy stuff. They had a pool there in the club. There's women swimming in the pool. There's people fucking in the pool. There's a big swing.

• 53:53Sam Morril?

  Why is Berlin so kinky? What do you think it is?

• 53:55Speaker 02

  I don't know, but it's really, yeah.

• 53:57Mark Normand?

  There's an underground thing there. There's a vibe in the air. It's all like heavy metal. There's the pool.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  It's huge. It's an old apartment building. They revamped into a sex club.

• 54:07Sam Morril?

  What's the music like?

• 54:08Mark Normand?

  Well, there's a whole club in there, too. The music's techno bullshit.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  There's different floors with different clubs, right?

• 54:13Mark Normand?

  Floors of whores. Yeah, it's crazy. I wouldn't get in that pool, though, I'll tell you that.

• 54:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 54:19Mark Normand?

  But what a, what a romp, what a fun time.

• 54:22Sam Morril?

  What's the crazy, what's the kinkiest shit you saw in there?

• 54:24Mark Normand?

  Probably a guy getting, uh, a guy getting fucked in the ass by a woman with a strap on.

• 54:30Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow, okay.

• 54:31Mark Normand?

  That was like right in the open. So she was just on her knees and the guy was like, "Ah!" Some of them.

• 54:35Sam Morril?

  Why do people want to do that in public? That's crazy.

• 54:38Mark Normand?

  That makes it hotter.

• 54:38Speaker 02

  It's humiliating, yeah.

• 54:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 54:40Mark Normand?

  I saw a guy with a, like a bull head, like horns, full face mask thing getting blown in the hallway. That was trippy.

• 54:47Sam Morril?

  That guy from January 6th, he got out, that's great.

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he was the shaman.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  I was just thinking that, that he was a January 6th.

• 54:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:55Sam Morril?

  Damn. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm kinda pumped to go to Berlin. I, I just never been to Germany and I just figured like, I, I get a lot of messages about Berlin.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did too, that's why I went, and it's, they're great.

• 55:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:07Mark Normand?

  They loved it.

• 55:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm fired up.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  Germans aren't the funniest people. So I think when we go over there, they're like, "Oh, hey, funny." That's not really in the culture. It's kinda like the Middle East. It's not, there's not a lot of ha-ha going on down in, uh, Libya. You know, you know, remember the Libya chuckle hunts, you know? Although I think it's changing.

• 55:26Sam Morril?

  Although we did get an offer to play, uh...

• 55:28Mark Normand?

  I think I'm gonna go.

• 55:29Sam Morril?

  You're gonna go?

• 55:29Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm only doing two days. I'm going in and out.

• 55:32Sam Morril?

  Saudi Arabia.

• 55:33Mark Normand?

  Just forget that paycheck.

• 55:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, why not?

• 55:36Mark Normand?

  I'm doing it. Two days.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Did you ever go to Abu Dhabi?

• 55:39Mark Normand?

  No.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  I would love to go there and do stand-up. I've heard it's great.

• 55:43Mark Normand?

  You guys nervous to go there?

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  But those two places...

• 55:46Sam Morril?

  I mean, you got two, I just got one. I, you got, you got three.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Three kids?

• 55:50Sam Morril?

  No, gay, woman, and Jew.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:54Sam Morril?

  I just got Jew.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  I wouldn't do, I wouldn't do gay material there.

• 55:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  At all.

• 55:59Mark Normand?

  Weird.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 56:01Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 56:02Speaker 02

  And I wouldn't do a lot of Jewish...

• 56:03Sam Morril?

  I'm like everything they hate, I'm like a drunk Jew.

• 56:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, we eat meat or pork.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  A drunk Jew.

• 56:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah. They don't like that.

• 56:10Mark Normand?

  No, they don't, and you give bad language, I mean, you're done.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  I think you have to be clean.

• 56:16Sam Morril?

  I can, we can be clean, we've done, we've done enough late night sets, right? I mean, our version of clean, I guess.

• 56:21Mark Normand?

  I'm just gonna go up and draw Mohammed, that's my big closer, I can't wait.

• 56:25Sam Morril?

  They see this, they're like, kidnap him, kidnap him.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  They have comedy scenes in these places.

• 56:30Mark Normand?

  They really do, they really do.

• 56:31Sam Morril?

  No, I was talking to a friend, he goes, you're fine there, it's like, basically, America.

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright, great.

• 56:36Sam Morril?

  I was like, basically, I don't know if it's basically.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  Supposedly, I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but it would be for you guys, you get treated like gold. Like, it's five star, like, crazy treatment, hotels and, you know, car service and food and.

• 56:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but no alcohol or chicks.

• 56:54Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  No one drinks in those, I guess, oh my god.

• 56:59Mark Normand?

  Weird, but.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Isn't that amazing, like, it's so weird that you're brought up in a culture where no one.

• 57:06Mark Normand?

  I know, it's crazy, I'm impressed that they can pull that off.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Me too, especially if they had a bad childhood.

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  If you go to YouTube and like, Indian comedian, and then it goes over to like, Middle East comedian, it's, it's booming. It's, comedy's huge over there in that part of the world, so.

• 57:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:23Mark Normand?

  But we started it.

• 57:26Sam Morril?

  I mean, I'm, I'm thinking, eh, I, I hope we go, it'd be great if we went on the same flight, dude, that'd be perfect.

• 57:32Mark Normand?

  Let's do it.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  It's not the same, like, tour, it's not the same gig.

• 57:35Mark Normand?

  You get to pick your own night, kinda thing.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 57:37Sam Morril?

  It's a fest.

• 57:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but it's, Tom's going, Fluffy's going, uh, oh, that's Fahim.

• 57:44Sam Morril?

  Aziz, Jim Jeffries, a lot of people, yeah.

• 57:46Mark Normand?

  Good crew.

• 57:47Sam Morril?

  Good crew.

• 57:48Mark Normand?

  So I'm going to Athens right after that.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 57:51Sam Morril?

  You doing comedy in Athens?

• 57:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm gonna hit Stavros.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 57:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:54Sam Morril?

  I got, I got a couple of restaurant spots for you in Athens.

• 57:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 57:57Sam Morril?

  I fucking love Athens.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  I love Athens.

• 57:59Sam Morril?

  I've been, yeah.

• 57:59Mark Normand?

  What?

• 58:00Sam Morril?

  I did, that was like my one fucking adult vacation.

• 58:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa, oh, is, oh, is that, that was the one with the photos?

• 58:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:07Mark Normand?

  Oh shit, alright.

• 58:08Sam Morril?

  It's good, got a good sex club for you in Athens.

• 58:11Mark Normand?

  Bring it on.

• 58:12Sam Morril?

  No, yeah, it's great, I love, I love Greece, man, let me, do we have any peeves going?

• 58:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:17Sam Morril?

  I got some peeves.

• 58:18Mark Normand?

  I got a, I got a peeve, you'll think of something.

• 58:22Speaker 02

  No, I sent stuff.

• 58:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, great, alright.

• 58:24Sam Morril?

  You sent it in, you're fucking crap, holy shit.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love you guys, I mean, if it was another podcast, I would have never.

• 58:32Mark Normand?

  You hear that, are you garbage?

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Uh, how about this one? I hate when people get mad at you for something that you didn't do. It's not really your fault, so you go, uh, you get a, let me get an Uber. Alright, Uber will be here in four minutes, everybody, I'm showing everybody. And then they're like, alright, great. Then they're like, five minutes went by, where the fuck's the Uber? And I'm like, I didn't, I don't control the Uber. I've just, I told you what it said. And they're like, you said five minutes. And I'm like, yeah, so did it. So did the phone.

• 59:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 59:01Mark Normand?

  I didn't do it.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  You didn't tell them to add a minute.

• 59:03Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly, but, but I'm the guy who pulled it up, so now I'm the asshole. I'm like, I pulled it up, I'm paying for an Uber, and you guys are yelling at me.

• 59:09Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, the guy's like, yeah, Trump bombed Iran, what the fuck's your problem? I didn't do anything.

• 59:14Mark Normand?

  Alright, right. So that, that, that pisses me off, you know?

• 59:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a good piece.

• 59:19Mark Normand?

  And they're like, what's up with the flight? You got the tickets? I'm like, I don't know.

• 59:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I got the tickets.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  That does happen a lot.

• 59:24Mark Normand?

  All the time, you're the messenger, I guess, so they have to yell at you.

• 59:27Sam Morril?

  Don't call the messenger, that's where it came from.

• 59:29Speaker 02

  I hate when people go, are you okay?

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  It's like, you're not okay.

• 59:35Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  You're projecting onto me.

• 59:37Mark Normand?

  Hundred percent.

• 59:38Sam Morril?

  Someone did that to me in the street once. How are you, good? Yeah?

• 59:43Sam Morril?

  Yes, I'm alright.

• 59:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, now I'm upset.

• 59:45Sam Morril?

  Then they hit you with a, okay.

• 59:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:48Sam Morril?

  The hell, you came to let me have it?

• 59:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a good one.

• 59:51Sam Morril?

  Oh, God.

• 59:53Mark Normand?

  Are you okay?

• 59:54Sam Morril?

  The condescending person.

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  So condescending.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's really, it's horrible.

• 59:59Sam Morril?

  Are you okay?

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Are you okay?

• 1:00:01Sam Morril?

  It's never a close friend either.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Never.

• 1:00:03Sam Morril?

  If it was a close friend, I'd be like, alright, at least they maybe, they care.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they would go, Sam, are you okay? Is everything okay? But they wouldn't go, are you okay?

• 1:00:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:00:12Sam Morril?

  Why do you tilt your head like that?

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  I know, there's always, there's always a tilt.

• 1:00:16Mark Normand?

  That's up there with do better. Go just do better.

• 1:00:20Mark Normand?

  You do better.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  When people tell me just breathe, I'm like, just die. I hate when I'm like having a hard time or like it's a horrible situation like the divorce. You just breathe. I'm like, thanks.

• 1:00:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  That's really gonna make me feel better.

• 1:00:35Sam Morril?

  I've been doing that the whole time. I don't know if you know that.

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  I can't fucking stand that.

• 1:00:38Mark Normand?

  I didn't think of that one.

• 1:00:39Sam Morril?

  You know what's annoying one lately to me is everyone calling everyone king.

• 1:00:43Mark Normand?

  I hate the king.

• 1:00:44Sam Morril?

  You the man, king. Yo, what's up, king? I was at a fucking CVS. The cashier was like, alright, have a good one, king. I was like, I'm buying stool softener, dude. What the fuck are we doing? What do we do? I'm not a king.

• 1:00:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:55Sam Morril?

  Let's dial it back.

• 1:00:56Mark Normand?

  Well, you will be on the throne later.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  I'm buying stool softener.

• 1:00:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I say, I always say, every woman who calls herself a queen is the least accomplished person I've ever met in my entire life. Don't talk to a queen that way. I'm like, you've done nothing.

• 1:01:08Sam Morril?

  You've done nothing.

• 1:01:09Mark Normand?

  Zero to say for yourself.

• 1:01:10Sam Morril?

  You might get murdered, but other than that.

• 1:01:12Speaker 02

  My kids call me bruh. I'm like...

• 1:01:14Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's fun.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, they're six.

• 1:01:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, weird.

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, one of my six-year-old twins is like, bruh, and I'm like, who are you?

• 1:01:22Mark Normand?

  Is he on creatine?

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  I still wipe you.

• 1:01:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  You're calling me bruh.

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Weird. That's worse than what Judy Gold told you.

• 1:01:31Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got a bunch of these.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  You're a big dyke, bruh.

• 1:01:34Sam Morril?

  Can we make it bigger? So Jessica Carson...

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  That's my first one, believe it or not. Yeah, when people talk speakerphone and... I know a lot of people say that. It's really rough for me.

• 1:01:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Like, I'm in the market and they're like, I told you I wouldn't be back until, like, and it's on high volume.

• 1:01:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  You're taking up my space.

• 1:01:52Mark Normand?

  I never got that.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  You're disgusting.

• 1:01:54Mark Normand?

  And then you hear the other person too. I'm like, what's wrong with this? Whatever happened to this? Why do we have to hear your other side of the conversation?

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  It's incredibly rude.

• 1:02:01Mark Normand?

  It is, yeah.

• 1:02:01Sam Morril?

  This is what we all used to do, by the way. I do it. Sometimes you forget your headset. You just do this and it's fine.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:02:07Mark Normand?

  I had the guy on the flight doing that recently. Full FaceTime, like, we just landed. We're coming soon. I'm gonna be there. We just landed. I'm in row 38, so it's gonna take me a minute. And I'm like, we all gotta hear this and see your ugly wife? Like, what are we doing? All right. What else you got? People constantly say the word triggered. That's a good one.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  I hate the triggered.

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  Well, especially when it's a joke.

• 1:02:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Like, I'll do a joke about myself, like about, something about my looks, or my family, and they'll be like, you know, I'm triggered by what, I'm like, it's my life.

• 1:02:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  Why are you triggered?

• 1:02:41Mark Normand?

  Don't leave the house then, if everything's gonna trigger you.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Mark Normand?

  Enough's enough.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  Pasty mouths are a lot for me.

• 1:02:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  My mom has a pace, she's like, how are you?

• 1:02:50Sam Morril?

  Like dry, dry mouth, right?

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's no good.

• 1:02:53Speaker 02

  There's foam.

• 1:02:54Sam Morril?

  It's one of the reasons I hate weed. I, I dry up.

• 1:02:57Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:58Mark Normand?

  When I'm bombing, I get that, and like, what else is going on?

• 1:03:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  B.O.

• 1:03:04Sam Morril?

  Oh shit. No, I'm all right.

• 1:03:07Mark Normand?

  I've been wearing this shirt for three days.

• 1:03:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:09Mark Normand?

  Okay, I'm okay.

• 1:03:10Sam Morril?

  This is a repeat customer too, right here.

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  In those old shows, I have people come up to me, like, there's always some old Jewish guys, like, you're gonna be funny? You're gonna make me laugh?

• 1:03:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  There's always a guy there.

• 1:03:23Mark Normand?

  Do they do that to hookers? You gotta make me come?

• 1:03:27Sam Morril?

  Well, they should.

• 1:03:28Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, they should pay a lot.

• 1:03:30Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:03:31Sam Morril?

  You can be a hooker and be like, I was trying new stuff.

• 1:03:35Sam Morril?

  You gotta kinda, you gotta kinda stick the landing to Drew Rosy.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  I was off tonight.

• 1:03:40Mark Normand?

  The hookers are good at notes?

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Sam Morril?

  Tongue shaft.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  This is a big one. I mean, I know people have said these things, but when you're getting off a plane and people behind you go in front of you.

• 1:03:53Mark Normand?

  That is annoying.

• 1:03:54Speaker 02

  I get enraged.

• 1:03:55Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 1:03:56Sam Morril?

  You're breaking the social code.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:03:59Mark Normand?

  You talking about in that little, that little aisle to get out? Yeah, I'm with you. That's brutal.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, especially some of them will push you out of the way and just start going, yeah.

• 1:04:07Sam Morril?

  If, if they're like, I gotta connect flight, I'm like, go.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  No, that's different.

• 1:04:11Sam Morril?

  But, but if they're just doing it to do it.

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13Mark Normand?

  And then what are you gonna get up? Two feet?

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  I know, it's ridiculous.

• 1:04:16Mark Normand?

  There's another guy in front of you. You had to bump me to get up here?

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  It's ridiculous.

• 1:04:19Sam Morril?

  Breaking of social codes really pisses me off.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Me too. Yeah, I have a big thing with that.

• 1:04:25Mark Normand?

  Same. Well, what do you got? Did you have one?

• 1:04:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, this isn't even a peeve. This is just like, this is, people are like, people act like, super scared when it's not really that

• 1:04:33Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:04:33Sam Morril?

  big a deal. Like, I had a girl over and we were, I'm not healthy, I'm always fucking dehydrated.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Sam Morril?

  So, I wake up in the middle of the night, horrible fucking leg cramp, like, I'm just like, ah, like screaming, I'm like, ah, ah, and she, and she's like, and she starts freaking out, like, what's happening? I'm like, what do you mean, what's happening? It's clearly a fucking leg cramp.

• 1:04:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:52Sam Morril?

  I'm not turning into a wolf, you know?

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  You're not have, yeah, I know.

• 1:04:56Sam Morril?

  I'm cramping, but she was like, she was like, ah, and I was like, what?

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a lot.

• 1:05:00Sam Morril?

  You're scared?

• 1:05:01Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:05:02Sam Morril?

  I'm sorry you woke up like that, this is not a normal thing.

• 1:05:04Mark Normand?

  Right, but it hits you.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  You're holding your leg. I used to get them.

• 1:05:07Mark Normand?

  Those are the worst.

• 1:05:09Sam Morril?

  God, they're bad.

• 1:05:10Mark Normand?

  The only way to get rid of it is to walk around, I find.

• 1:05:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you gotta walk it out, have a little coconut water or something, some potassium.

• 1:05:16Mark Normand?

  But, I'm not fucking my mom, but when I was a kid, I would wake my mom up randomly, and she'd be like, huh! Like, I'm six, what are you doing? It's eleven thirty.

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  I'm your son.

• 1:05:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, if you're a son, I'm wearing a Batman t-shirt and a, a Bessie diaper, like, what do you think I'm gonna do?

• 1:05:33Sam Morril?

  Don't rape me, you're like, what?

• 1:05:35Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  Where's the gun?

• 1:05:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, dad's next to you, it's all gonna be okay, and I'm just like, hey, mom, uh, can I get some orange juice? She'd be like, gee, oh! What do you think this is? I'm not wearing a scream mask and holding a knife. Every time. So, I would get scared to wake her, I'd have to hit her with a stick, from a, the broomstick from ten feet away.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 1:05:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but she was freaked out. She must have, she must have been triggered.

• 1:06:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, we got wrecks, huh?

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, some wrecks. Kissing girls on Shabbat.

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  Cause it asked if I wanted to, like, recommend TV shows or...

• 1:06:09Mark Normand?

  What the hell's this?

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  I thought you, so this is my partner, Sarah.

• 1:06:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow!

• 1:06:14Speaker 02

  She's a therapist, she's a doctor.

• 1:06:16Mark Normand?

  Wow, she is hot.

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, she is hot.

• 1:06:18Sam Morril?

  Damn, nice.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  She, this is amazing, she grew up Hasidic.

• 1:06:21Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  Couldn't read, I mean, couldn't, yeah, she couldn't do anything, couldn't dance, couldn't sing, play sports, I mean, it was a cult, it's a cult, you know?

• 1:06:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:30Speaker 02

  Hasidic Brooklyn.

• 1:06:31Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 1:06:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  I think it's a cult.

• 1:06:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what part of Brooklyn, was she in Willensburg area, Crown Heights?

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  Crown Heights.

• 1:06:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:37Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  And... Yeah.

• 1:06:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's gorgeous. Anyway, she got, she was gay.

• 1:06:45Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:06:45Speaker 02

  Could not come out. I mean, of course, just wasn't even an option for her.

• 1:06:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Um, got married off, had kids nineteen and twenty. Yep.

• 1:06:53Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Eventually came out and left the community, but the story in her book, the stories, it's incredible.

• 1:06:59Sam Morril?

  Did she talk to her kids?

• 1:07:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, her kids are with her.

• 1:07:01Sam Morril?

  Wow. But not the ex-husband, I'm guessing?

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  No, no. I mean, he's, he's in their lives a little, but, um.

• 1:07:09Sam Morril?

  This is like the lesbian Brady Bunch, because you got your kid, she's got hers.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:12Sam Morril?

  This is fucking perfect.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  Her story is unbelievable and.

• 1:07:15Sam Morril?

  Oh, it's cool.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, and people really are getting so much out of it because all these people in the community, not just gay, they're in a bad marriage, they're miserable, and they can't get out. You can't, like, can't get divorced, can't, anything.

• 1:07:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:28Speaker 02

  Your setup, she went on six dates with her husband. They had no idea who they were set up, you know, it's, um, it's.

• 1:07:35Sam Morril?

  It's so old fashioned.

• 1:07:36Mark Normand?

  It's so primitive.

• 1:07:37Speaker 02

  No, we're talking real, like, the, like, fur hats.

• 1:07:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What's going on there?

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  And now she like.

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  I ride my bike, I ride my, uh, moped through there, and I'm just like, what the fuck is this? That is bananas.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  And then she ended up going to get a master's in social, or to doctorate, wrote a book about it, speaks, and, um, is a therapist in the city.

• 1:07:57Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  I mean, she got a doctorate. Like, it's cra- you're not even allowed to study if you're a woman.

• 1:08:00Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. And everything has to be checked out by the rabbi. It's like, I'm talking, you have to read it.

• 1:08:06Mark Normand?

  Where are the women's rights groups on this?

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:08:09Mark Normand?

  They, they attack a lot of comedians.

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  Where are they on a lot of stuff?

• 1:08:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:08:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Berka, berka.

• 1:08:19Mark Normand?

  I mean, I don't get it. Why is that okay? I don't understand.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  A lot of stuff is okay that they don't talk about.

• 1:08:23Mark Normand?

  Well, no one, I feel like no one's really, uh, people get mad at comedians for saying a joke, but then it's like, hey.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  I've always had a thing with that.

• 1:08:30Sam Morril?

  They, they attack people who they think are sensitive enough to respond. You know what I mean? Like, they're not going after fucking rappers who would just be like, shut the fuck up.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 1:08:39Sam Morril?

  They're going after people who are like, "Am I a piece of shit?" They're going after targets they think they can hit.

• 1:08:45Speaker 02

  Right, and we're vulnerable.

• 1:08:46Mark Normand?

  Okay, but that's not...

• 1:08:48Sam Morril?

  I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying it's fucking, that's...

• 1:08:50Mark Normand?

  But they act like heroes.

• 1:08:51Sam Morril?

  No, it's insane. It's, that's their tactic, though.

• 1:08:54Mark Normand?

  Okay, alright, that's all I needed to hear.

• 1:08:57Sam Morril?

  I'm on, you don't think I'm on your fucking side with this?

• 1:08:59Mark Normand?

  Well, no, I'm just, uh, don't want to admit this.

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  They do act like heroes, that's true.

• 1:09:02Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying, yeah.

• 1:09:03Speaker 02

  And, um, yeah, it is interesting that no one tries to do, but this is like a whole nother world.

• 1:09:10Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  They're, they're not allowed to be around people from the outside.

• 1:09:14Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  And they have no culture, like, meaning they don't know anything that's...

• 1:09:18Sam Morril?

  Well, they'll, they'll hear about this. We have a big, uh, Orthodox listenership on this pod, so...

• 1:09:21Speaker 02

  They have no...

• 1:09:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:24Sam Morril?

  This'll get to them.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  They have no access to, you can't read a magazine, you can't, you can't read anything but, but religious books. Like, I'm talking, no TV. Think about that.

• 1:09:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  If you had no TV until you're... In your, I mean, some of them their whole lives, but her until she was in her twenties.

• 1:09:39Mark Normand?

  It's just crazy, you're in the, you know, biggest metropolis in America.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:09:43Mark Normand?

  And it's, just can't have a magazine.

• 1:09:44Sam Morril?

  Was she just like thirty being like, "I should watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I should catch up on some of this shit."

• 1:09:49Speaker 02

  Well, when she finally, she started dabbling with stuff.

• 1:09:52Mark Normand?

  This Cosby guy's great.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  She would take her wig off in the car and go to a lesbian bar at a certain point. It's really, and then put it back on and go home and, you know, put on jeans and... Yeah, it's really, I mean, the fact that she got her kids out for them, that's really why she did it.

• 1:10:11Sam Morril?

  So, did the kids grow up Orthodox to a point or no?

• 1:10:13Speaker 02

  Well, they were in this whole life.

• 1:10:15Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  And then she got them out and they ended up going to school in the city and having a life. And they're amazing. I was with them last night. Like, they're, one of them's at Columbia getting, he wants, he's pre-med. And the other ones at Charleston and wants to be a therapist like she did that for them. They would both be married off right now.

• 1:10:31Sam Morril?

  Is the dad a positive force in the kids' lives or no?

• 1:10:34Speaker 02

  Well, he's still Hasidic.

• 1:10:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  So, you know, they still have contact with him, but it's they're not in that life anymore.

• 1:10:40Sam Morril?

  But does he hold it against them for leaving that life and not wanting to be a part of that life?

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  I don't think he holds it against them. I mean, no one was happy about it.

• 1:10:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:49Speaker 02

  Of course, but because you have to have a Jewish divorce and a legal divorce. You have to you have to get like you have to get divorced through the Jewish system first.

• 1:10:57Sam Morril?

  That's a crazy process. Like, what's your reason for divorce? This world is fucking insane. I know, I know.

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  To them, we're out of our minds.

• 1:11:05Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  And they are, you know.

• 1:11:09Sam Morril?

  At least they're not violent.

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  No, they're not violent, but there's a lot going on in the community.

• 1:11:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah. A lot of oppression.

• 1:11:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. There's just a lot of dark stuff.

• 1:11:19Sam Morril?

  Mm hmm. And the dudes are doing dark stuff, too. They're doing some weird sex stuff after hours.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah. What's up with the tunnels? What's going on there?

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  I was obsessed with that.

• 1:11:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was fun.

• 1:11:28Speaker 02

  But there's also she says.

• 1:11:30Sam Morril?

  Sounds like a Seinfeld B-side.

• 1:11:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, she says she was taught certain things that are, you know, about relation. She had to go to wife's school. This is all in the book.

• 1:11:37Sam Morril?

  Wife's school?

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  You have to go to wife's school and taught how to be a good wife.

• 1:11:41Sam Morril?

  Some of that we should keep. Yeah, I like that.

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  She said that some of it made sense and she told me, I'm like, you know what? This does make sense about relationships and stuff.

• 1:11:50Sam Morril?

  Like, what's one positive she got from that?

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  I'm trying to think of the one that she has talked to me about. I mean, it's it's about like communication. Like listening and there's all stuff like that, but then it's a lot about like how to put a fitted sheet on. I mean, it's really, that's nothing. There's so much other stuff there.

• 1:12:06Sam Morril?

  Damn. Well, it's not a cooking chapter because I've had the Jewish food. Let's be honest. Kugel, what are we doing here?

• 1:12:12Speaker 02

  There's definitely, I love Kugel.

• 1:12:13Sam Morril?

  I love Jewish food, dude.

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 1:12:15Sam Morril?

  I grew up on it, so it's like.

• 1:12:17Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 1:12:17Sam Morril?

  I love, you know, it's like comfort to me, man, like the the bagel spreads, the smoked fish. I like a bagel. Smoked fish is great. The lox is great. I fucking, I even, this is no, I'm gonna turn off a lot of people here, but I fucking love geviltafish, dude. Really? I do. Pull it up. Throw some horseradish on that. It's fucking great. It's green jello.

• 1:12:36Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 1:12:37Sam Morril?

  Isn't it? It's like a fish jello? I'm gonna get crushed in the comments for this shit, but I like it, man. Because I have it like once a year and it's and I like, yeah, it was.

• 1:12:45Speaker 02

  Oh, how about herring?

• 1:12:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I like all that stuff.

• 1:12:48Speaker 02

  Cream herring?

• 1:12:48Sam Morril?

  I like all of it. I I'm I'm into like.

• 1:12:50Speaker 02

  I can't eat that anymore.

• 1:12:52Mark Normand?

  Gafilta, it's just not a great appetite word.

• 1:12:55Speaker 02

  It's sweet, it's, it's sweet white, white fish.

• 1:12:58Mark Normand?

  Sweet white fish.

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, and like, it's, it sounds disgusting, but a lot of people like it.

• 1:13:03Mark Normand?

  I've never had it, so I shouldn't talk.

• 1:13:05Sam Morril?

  You put me in Russian daughters, it's like heaven to me.

• 1:13:07Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 1:13:07Sam Morril?

  That's like my favorite place in the Barney Greengrass, that type of food, I love it, man.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  I had Sarge's last night.

• 1:13:13Sam Morril?

  Sarge's is great. We went in with that time, remember?

• 1:13:15Mark Normand?

  I love Sarge's.

• 1:13:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had it last night.

• 1:13:16Sam Morril?

  You just trash Jew, that's Jew food.

• 1:13:18Mark Normand?

  Okay, alright, well, I like the meats, I like the sandwiches.

• 1:13:21Speaker 02

  And you don't like kogel, like noodle kogel or potato kogel?

• 1:13:23Mark Normand?

  I don't even know what kogel is.

• 1:13:24Sam Morril?

  It's not, it's not my favorite one, it's fine, but it's not my favorite one.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  I make a really good noodle kogel.

• 1:13:27Sam Morril?

  Do you?

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, that looks pretty damn good.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  It's delicious.

• 1:13:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's like a quiche.

• 1:13:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright, I'm in, I'm in on the, I take it all back.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  I put apricots in it and raisins and it's, it's made with cream cheese and butter, it's really fattening, but it's really good.

• 1:13:40Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'm down, alright, I take it all back.

• 1:13:42Speaker 02

  I mean, some of it's disgusting.

• 1:13:44Mark Normand?

  Okay, well, matzah sucks.

• 1:13:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, matzah's awful.

• 1:13:47Speaker 02

  Passover food, I'm not.

• 1:13:48Sam Morril?

  It's awful.

• 1:13:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:49Sam Morril?

  But that's like celebrating starvation, that's the holiday, that's what, that's what we're doing, it's a bad holiday.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  That's so true.

• 1:13:55Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's, I mean, that's like Jewish Thanksgiving, basically, you get everyone together and you're like, so we just don't eat good shit?

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  But at least you have stuffing.

• 1:14:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  Like, you can't have bread, the matzah, I like plain matzah.

• 1:14:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  But I don't like the matzah desserts and the, yeah.

• 1:14:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's not good.

• 1:14:11Mark Normand?

  So I used to live in Crown Heights, I lived on the black side.

• 1:14:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:14Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:14:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and all the Jews would be like, what are you doing? You're on the wrong side. I'd go, I'm not Jewish, and they would quickly turn away. But, point is, I would have to pay my rent in, in hand in hand, so I'd have to go into the Jewish area.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  Oh, of course.

• 1:14:27Mark Normand?

  It was banana, I mean, everything was written in Hebrew or whatever, and you see, you see a Jewish guy with a tool belt, which I was like, that, I've never seen.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Because they all do their own jobs in the community.

• 1:14:37Mark Normand?

  You see a Jewish guy with like a, a police belt?

• 1:14:39Speaker 02

  Shocking, shocking.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  Crazy, but like, still the garb, but the tool belt.

• 1:14:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's interesting.

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  It was wild, blew my mind.

• 1:14:45Sam Morril?

  It's shocking to see a Jew doing like manly work.

• 1:14:47Mark Normand?

  That's what it was, yeah, I'd see a Jew under a car cranking, I was like, what the hell? It was like, bizarre world.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  That's really bizarre, to see someone under a car.

• 1:14:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:57Mark Normand?

  And my girlfriend at the time, she couldn't pay the rent, they wouldn't talk to her, so I had to go do it, it was...

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't even look at women.

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, crazy. Remember that old DiPaolo joke, uh, he's trying to buy a car in the classifieds and he's like, alright, I'll go to this guy's house. He meets up with him, rings the doorbell, Hasidic Jew answers, he goes, ah, I didn't know I was dealing with a black belt.

• 1:15:15Sam Morril?

  Oh my god. He had another one I was thinking about, cause I just watched on Segura's Rec that Bin Laden doc on Netflix, the manhunt one.

• 1:15:22Mark Normand?

  Loved it.

• 1:15:23Sam Morril?

  It was incredible. And the third ep is like, just how tense it was.

• 1:15:27Mark Normand?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  With them looking for him, I have to see that.

• 1:15:30Mark Normand?

  Night vision?

• 1:15:30Sam Morril?

  It was incredible. And all the things that went wrong and this guy, one of the funniest lines is, you know, they, they get out of Pakistan and they, they, the pilot gets it, they're like, the mission's not over yet, we have to get to Afghanistan. And the pilot comes on, he goes, well, this is the only time you'll be happy to hear this. Welcome to Afghanistan.

• 1:15:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:48Sam Morril?

  Mission accomplished, basically, but, uh, it made me think of that, all, you know, the wives are being human shields in this and it made me think of that DiPaolo joke, like the day of. Bin Laden's death, DiPaolo was like, uh, you know, his wife, uh, they use his wife as a human shield. If only, uh, he was married to Kirstie Alley, he'd still be with us.

• 1:16:03Speaker 02

  That's very funny.

• 1:16:05Sam Morril?

  Uh. I was like, goddamn, that's.

• 1:16:07Speaker 02

  It is.

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  Got the angle.

• 1:16:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's funny.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  So this just came out?

• 1:16:11Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, it's been out like a couple of weeks. It's on Netflix. It's incredible.

• 1:16:14Sam Morril?

  It's good. It's cool, man. Yeah, it's, uh, first two episodes are like, fine, they're kind of setting the table and then episode three is like.

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  How many episodes is it?

• 1:16:22Sam Morril?

  Three.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:16:22Sam Morril?

  But the third one, you're just like, wow. And you know, you're reliving some of that, just how horrible that was.

• 1:16:27Speaker 02

  Do they show footage of it happening?

• 1:16:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They get, I mean, they don't show Bin Laden dying, but they talk it out and you can see the whole thing in your head. They show the house, they show the kids, it's crazy.

• 1:16:37Sam Morril?

  And, and the decision Obama made to bury him at sea and give him his last rites as to not make him a martyr, it's kind of interesting.

• 1:16:44Mark Normand?

  Very interesting.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  I didn't know that.

• 1:16:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I mean, it's, uh, it's pretty.

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  I didn't know they buried him at sea.

• 1:16:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, so it wouldn't be like an attraction, you know?

• 1:16:51Speaker 02

  This world is so insane.

• 1:16:53Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  Look at what happened in Israel and Iran and now like everything's back, not back to normal, but meaning like where no one's talking about.

• 1:17:00Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:17:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the news cycle is, it's just.

• 1:17:02Speaker 02

  The news is back to like just other stuff now.

• 1:17:04Mark Normand?

  Now all I see is big, beautiful Bill, you know, like we forgot, like he got shot a year ago, him and Elon broke up, uh, the LA was on fire, the ice raid.

• 1:17:11Sam Morril?

  He wants him deported now.

• 1:17:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, he wants to deport him now. It just keeps ramping up. You can't keep up, Kanye's in a Klan hood, who knows what's going on? But the cool thing about this, though, and I'm gonna, this is where I become a again. It was just fun pro-America shit. Now everybody hates America, so I was like fist pumping on my couch. I was draped in an American flag. I was jerking off. I was drinking a Budweiser. It was great.

• 1:17:36Sam Morril?

  Not American.

• 1:17:38Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:17:38Sam Morril?

  Bud loves it.

• 1:17:39Mark Normand?

  Shit, you're right.

• 1:17:40Sam Morril?

  But I'm with you for that.

• 1:17:41Mark Normand?

  Miller.

• 1:17:41Sam Morril?

  And I, it is nice to collectively be like, yes.

• 1:17:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:46Sam Morril?

  It is kinda crazy.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  I'm the same way, yeah.

• 1:17:49Mark Normand?

  And also, it was just fun, like SEAL Team Six is a bunch of tall, white guys going into a building. There wasn't like, we gotta get a black woman in a wheelchair to be part of SEAL Team Six. There's no trans people on the team. This is cra- it was just like-

• 1:18:00Sam Morril?

  That was my one problem with it. I wanted, I wanted someone in a wheelchair.

• 1:18:03Mark Normand?

  And you know, I'm like, I'm not against diversity, but just the forced shit where you're like, just let these fucking psycho white men shoot this brown guy. Can we have, can we have anything? So that was fun.

• 1:18:14Speaker 02

  Can we have anything?

• 1:18:15Mark Normand?

  I'm joking, but you know what I'm saying.

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  Is that like the compound?

• 1:18:18Mark Normand?

  That was their house, yeah.

• 1:18:19Sam Morril?

  Well, one of the crazy parts is they, they tried to bomb the door to get into the compound. And they're like, it's a, it's a fake door. And, and one of the other guys goes, that means he's here.

• 1:18:28Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:18:29Sam Morril?

  You don't build a fake door if he's not in there. So that, you know, a lot of crazy moments.

• 1:18:33Mark Normand?

  And a helicopter, there was two helicopters. One crashed.

• 1:18:35Sam Morril?

  I know, a helicopter crashes and they're like, we have a plan B. But the guy, one of the guys in charge is talking, he goes, uh, we have a plan B, we have a plan C, we have a plan D, we have a plan E, like, we will fucking pivot.

• 1:18:46Mark Normand?

  How about building the set? They had to redo, they had to rehearse it, rehearse it, rehearse it. They built a set and they would tear it down with shooting it up, and then they rebuild it again. It was unbelievable.

• 1:18:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah. And then there's all this intelligence in there, so they're supposed to get the fuck out of there, but they're like, they've got all this intelligence, like, we gotta get it. So they're supposed to be out in like 30 minutes. They're at like a minute 45, like, fuck, we gotta keep grabbing this. And then they're like, get the fuck out. So this is a successful mission, cause you know, uh, you know, you don't get out of there. It's not a great story.

• 1:19:13Mark Normand?

  I know. And then, then he had to get from Pakistan, was it Pakistan? To Afghanistan, which is an hour ride. So then they, they started shooting fighter jets at him to kill them. Cause they were like, they figured it out. So now they're in a helicopter, trying to get back to Afghanistan. And the guy said he was freaking out, so he had to, he had to go to a happy place. He went to Lake Placid in his head, the hockey game. That was the only way he could like calm himself down, because he's like, "We just killed Bin Laden. Now I gotta get home. What if I die now? I'm gonna die in the air in this helicopter like Kobe." And he thought of Lake Placid and he got...

• 1:19:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like-

• 1:19:45Speaker 02

  I don't even know how you do that.

• 1:19:47Mark Normand?

  I don't either. "Oh, there's one black guy on the team. Alright, take it all back."

• 1:19:49Sam Morril?

  It's like the, uh, it's like the, uh, you know, the, the... In, in the hockey game, it's like sounding it out, like, you know?

• 1:19:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:19:56Sam Morril?

  10 seconds, 9 seconds, like you're just like, "Just get to the fucking buzzer."

• 1:20:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:20:01Sam Morril?

  Which, you know?

• 1:20:02Mark Normand?

  And you couldn't even, there was no phone to look at.

• 1:20:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:04Mark Normand?

  You had to just live in that moment, be in your head. "I'm such a pussy now. I'm like, no phone for an hour?"

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  I know, me too.

• 1:20:09Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, they're probably just like talking, like, "Who'd you rather bang?" Like, that's probably the flight.

• 1:20:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. Boy, it was great.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  Which wife would you wanna bang? Talk about all his wives.

• 1:20:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:20:20Sam Morril?

  No, but, and, and that guy right there, Shop Bin Laden, was like, uh, he, Rob O'Neil, uh, Rob O'Neil had a good line where he's like, "Yeah, we expected, we were like, ready for it to be a suicide mission, but like, it's nice to be alive."

• 1:20:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:33Sam Morril?

  You got a good bar story for the rest of your life.

• 1:20:35Speaker 02

  Who's that woman in front of the flag?

• 1:20:37Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh. That guy transitioned? Wow.

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  Wow, that's interesting.

• 1:20:42Mark Normand?

  That's very interesting. I guess you're the manliest guy ever.

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:20:46Mark Normand?

  Where do you go from there? You gotta go the other way.

• 1:20:49Sam Morril?

  You got bored.

• 1:20:49Mark Normand?

  He got bored. He's like, "I've got peak male."

• 1:20:52Sam Morril?

  He's climbed the mountain.

• 1:20:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I gotta mix it up.

• 1:20:56Speaker 02

  That's really interesting to me.

• 1:20:58Mark Normand?

  That's a TV show. This, let's get this gal on.

• 1:21:00Speaker 02

  This is a TV show.

• 1:21:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:02Sam Morril?

  Click on that article.

• 1:21:03Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:21:05Sam Morril?

  Hell yeah, Kristen.

• 1:21:06Mark Normand?

  Look at that. Interesting. This is fascinating.

• 1:21:14Sam Morril?

  Damn. 20 years as a elite US Navy SEAL. When operating the... Can you make it a little bigger, my eyesight shit?

• 1:21:22Mark Normand?

  I'll see you're cutting off the left side of it.

• 1:21:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, a little cut off there.

• 1:21:26Mark Normand?

  Scroll to the left a smooch if you don't mind there, Peters.

• 1:21:29Sam Morril?

  You might not be able to.

• 1:21:30Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:21:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a little more.

• 1:21:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, just for the-

• 1:21:35Mark Normand?

  There we go. Now you got it.

• 1:21:37Sam Morril?

  This is like fucking right here. Just a little to the left. Nope.

• 1:21:40Mark Normand?

  True. What do you got there? "Was always hiding a deeper personal secret since early childhood. He felt he was a female born in a male's body."

• 1:21:47Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:21:48Mark Normand?

  He still became a SEAL. That is.

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

  That's unbelievable. Not just a SEAL, but like...

• 1:21:52Mark Normand?

  You guys can't claim this, by the way. You can't now say there was a woman on the team.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  I, no, I'm, would never say...

• 1:21:59Mark Normand?

  I'm just fucking with you.

• 1:22:00Speaker 02

  But, you know, it's very sad to me every time I hear something like that.

• 1:22:03Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:22:03Speaker 02

  Because the, the risk that this person, like, to do this? Can you imagine after?

• 1:22:12Mark Normand?

  The SEAL or the woman?

• 1:22:13Speaker 02

  No, the transition.

• 1:22:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, sure.

• 1:22:14Speaker 02

  Like, after all this?

• 1:22:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true. Black, uh...

• 1:22:17Speaker 02

  You cannot let, live like that?

• 1:22:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're just still not happy. Yeah, it's sad.

• 1:22:20Mark Normand?

  Black cocked down.

• 1:22:21Speaker 02

  I mean, you're tortured.

• 1:22:23Mark Normand?

  Sorry. White cocked down. But, yeah, we lost him. Uh, yeah, no, you're right. But at least he pulled it off to being a her.

• 1:22:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:32Mark Normand?

  So it's a happy ending on both.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  Losing Ryan's private?

• 1:22:34Mark Normand?

  Thank you!

• 1:22:35Speaker 02

  I think she's amazing.

• 1:22:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:38Speaker 02

  I do.

• 1:22:39Mark Normand?

  On both fronts.

• 1:22:41Speaker 02

  I mean, and also to be public about it.

• 1:22:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 1:22:45Speaker 02

  You're still...

• 1:22:47Sam Morril?

  I'm still thinking of more.

• 1:22:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, we're trying to think of more, more puns.

• 1:22:54Mark Normand?

  Damn, yeah, I got nothing. Bin Labia? Okay.

• 1:22:59Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:23:01Mark Normand?

  Uh, but yeah, wow, what a story. What an ending.

• 1:23:03Sam Morril?

  It was cool. Yeah, it was, I mean, the first two episodes are like, just setting the table. They're fine.

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  Talking about it?

• 1:23:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and like, how they're gonna respond, and like, how they just can't find this guy, and it's crazy, they use footage of Bin Laden in an interview to see how he walks.

• 1:23:19Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:23:19Sam Morril?

  So they can kind of tell if it's him walking around in the cave.

• 1:23:22Speaker 02

  Wow!

• 1:23:22Sam Morril?

  Cause, uh, he had a weird walk. He's a tall guy.

• 1:23:26Mark Normand?

  Six-five.

• 1:23:27Sam Morril?

  So, you know, he did, he, it's amazing, you do an interview, and you're like, you think you're giving away nothing. He did an interview with this guy, he wouldn't allow follow-up questions, wouldn't allow a translator.

• 1:23:38Mark Normand?

  How crazy is that?

• 1:23:39Sam Morril?

  I mean...

• 1:23:40Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:23:41Sam Morril?

  But you know.

• 1:23:41Mark Normand?

  And then he goes, he had a translator and he goes, what, what'd he say? He goes, we gotta get the fuck out of here. That's what he said. And so they're like, alright, let's go.

• 1:23:48Speaker 02

  Was his house extract, feel like it was a?

• 1:23:50Mark Normand?

  No, no, it was a shithole.

• 1:23:52Sam Morril?

  But he was worth a lot of money. It was worth like 250 mil.

• 1:23:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:55Sam Morril?

  Could have bought a fucking sports team.

• 1:23:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he was a nepo baby.

• 1:23:58Sam Morril?

  I wouldn't, I wouldn't have flown in the jet, but uh. Yeah, his dad had a lot of money. It was like construction or something, right?

• 1:24:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, something like that. So he was loaded. And he did all these plots around the world. Like he had a whole team and uh, he was, he was a bad dude. Death to America. Thank God we haven't heard that again since he died.

• 1:24:18Sam Morril?

  Everyone likes us now. It's awesome.

• 1:24:19Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, that stopped right after this.

• 1:24:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, weird.

• 1:24:24Sam Morril?

  What if we all get kidnapped in Saudi Arabia? It's like a This Is The End type movie, but.

• 1:24:28Mark Normand?

  We saw the podcast.

• 1:24:32Mark Normand?

  We've been wait, we had, we hired you just to kidnap you. Alright. Hey, we know Hassan Minaj.

• 1:24:41Sam Morril?

  They're like, oh yeah, they take a bag over his head. We're like, fuck, you're here too? It's terrible.

• 1:24:46Mark Normand?

  Oh man.

• 1:24:47Sam Morril?

  Goddamn.

• 1:24:48Mark Normand?

  Well, yeah, Jess, where are you gonna be? You gonna be on the road? You gonna, you got stuff coming up? You got your Hulu?

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  My whole schedule is on jessica Kirson dot com.

• 1:24:56Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:24:56Speaker 02

  And I have a. I have my new Hulu special called I'm The Man.

• 1:25:03Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:25:04Speaker 02

  And um, yeah, I love it. I'm really proud of it. Bill Burr executive produced it.

• 1:25:08Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:25:09Speaker 02

  Executive produced both my specials.

• 1:25:10Mark Normand?

  Did you feel like when it came out, did you get a pop? Did you get a buzz? Did you feel like?

• 1:25:15Speaker 02

  I think, yes. But again, it's like the summer's right after it.

• 1:25:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  I think in the fall, I got a, I'm getting a lot more followers.

• 1:25:22Mark Normand?

  Great, great.

• 1:25:24Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, I have a big YouTube channel where I put long crowd work clips.

• 1:25:29Mark Normand?

  Beautiful.

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  Um, which are so much fun. And then I have a big TikTok page and.

• 1:25:33Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:25:34Speaker 02

  Instagram and everything, you know, it's all dates coming up. I mean, this is like.

• 1:25:38Mark Normand?

  Look at this. Hampton Beach Casino, Turner Hall Ball in Milwaukee, Grand Rapids, New Brunswick, Tulsa, Fayetteville. Boy, you go on to the deep.

• 1:25:45Sam Morril?

  Oh, Kane's Ballroom is epic. You gotta go to Andolini's Pizza in Tulsa.

• 1:25:50Speaker 02

  Tulsa.

• 1:25:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's, that's an awesome room. That's like one of those like famous, uh, the Sex Pistols punched a hole in the wall here.

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:25:56Sam Morril?

  We just left it there to show you it's badass.

• 1:25:58Speaker 02

  Oh, that's cool.

• 1:25:59Sam Morril?

  If a comedian does that, you get a bill. But if a cool, if a cool band does that.

• 1:26:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:26:05Mark Normand?

  Kansas City, New Haven, Birmingham, Huntsville.

• 1:26:07Speaker 02

  Some of these people I've never, some of these places I've never been to. Like if you, whatever, you don't have to scroll back though.

• 1:26:11Mark Normand?

  You'll go anywhere. I love it.

• 1:26:12Sam Morril?

  Birmingham, Huntsville, Alabama, Jacksonville, Florida, October 10th and 11th, then Washington DC, Philadelphia.

• 1:26:19Speaker 02

  If the audience is there, I'm meaning like there are fans who want to come out. I'm gonna milk it.

• 1:26:23Mark Normand?

  Same here.

• 1:26:24Speaker 02

  I'm gonna do shows.

• 1:26:25Mark Normand?

  Love it. I went to Guadalajara because we had fans there.

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:26:29Mark Normand?

  I'll go anywhere, yeah.

• 1:26:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know you'll. You're a very, you work your ass off.

• 1:26:32Sam Morril?

  State Theater, I love that. That's a great one. Portland, Maine, Northampton, Mass, Coral Springs, Florida, Dallas, Texas.

• 1:26:39Speaker 02

  Northampton is amazing.

• 1:26:40Sam Morril?

  Yes, it is nice.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  Right near Amherst, where University, you know, UMass, it's great.

• 1:26:45Sam Morril?

  Houston, yeah. San Antonio, Norfolk, you're fucking cooking. Richmond, check out, you gotta hit, we're talking about Jew food, Pearlie's Jewish Deli in Richmond, Virginia.

• 1:26:54Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:26:55Sam Morril?

  That's a spot, I'll remind you, it's killer.

• 1:26:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I want to go there. That's awesome.

• 1:26:58Sam Morril?

  Madison, Wisconsin, and Minneapolis.

• 1:27:00Speaker 02

  I mean, some of these places, I've been so many times and I love that. Yeah, Madison, Minneapolis are great.

• 1:27:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we got, uh, Boston, uh, August 7th at the Wilbur, then I'm at the Irvine Improv, August 22nd through 24th. We got, uh, Oklahoma City the following weekend, Bricktown Comedy Club, The Venetian in Vegas, September 19th, Rochester, uh, Comedy at the Carlson the following weekend. Uh, that's a fun one. The Chicago Theater, October 4th, Winnipeg, and then I'm doing fucking Europe, so I'm gonna be all over Europe, so.

• 1:27:31Speaker 02

  Do you have your Europe dates or no?

• 1:27:33Sam Morril?

  They're not on the site here because we're pre, uh, recording here. They'll be up this week, I bet.

• 1:27:37Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:27:38Sam Morril?

  They should be up now by the time this episode's out, so it should be Barcelona, Lisbon, I think Lisbon, uh, fucking, yeah, as I said, I said them earlier.

• 1:27:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't, I'm doing.

• 1:27:48Sam Morril?

  Bringing a buddy with me. Just like a non-comic friend.

• 1:27:50Speaker 02

  Oh, really? Good.

• 1:27:51Sam Morril?

  Paris, London, Manchester, Dublin, uh, fucking, all, uh, Amsterdam.

• 1:27:58Sam Morril?

  Uh, and Berlin and Milan, as I said, and then we got Salt Lake City. We got Reno, Nevada. I was just at Wise Guys. Oh, it's classic. I've been there, I've already been there this year. I'm going back. Really? I love the club.

• 1:28:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I do too.

• 1:28:10Sam Morril?

  And then we got, uh, December 4th, uh, Carnegie Hall, New York City. I hope to see you there. So fucking get the fuck tickets on that shit.

• 1:28:18Mark Normand?

  Hachi machi, that's exciting. Hey, I'm gonna go, uh, bomb outdoors in Calgary, Las Vegas, at the Palazzo. Dallas, doing a nine sold out show run at the Improv. This is, cause I'm doing a special in September, so I'm getting it all buttoned up in Addison. So come on out to Dallas, Akron, Dayton, Halifax, Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, San Jose, Boulder, Athens, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin.

• 1:28:48Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:28:49Mark Normand?

  And then we're back to America in, uh, Valley Center, California, Timonium, Magoobies, Rochester, Niagara, San Diego.

• 1:28:57Sam Morril?

  You miss DC as well.

• 1:28:58Mark Normand?

  And DC, thank you, John Wilkes Booth. Thank you, get some bodega cat, folks. Jessica, your hair looks like shit. And, uh, just kidding.

• 1:29:07Sam Morril?

  We love Jessica. Love you guys. We bet you're already a follower, but if you don't get on that and, uh...

• 1:29:12Mark Normand?

  She's a killer.

• 1:29:12Sam Morril?

  Watch her special on Hulu, she's one of the best. See you guys next week.

• 1:29:17Mark Normand?

  You're the man.

• 1:30:03Speaker 03

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