Ep 208: Bloody Marys & IVs

Cancelled guests mean an extra long just one for the boys episode, some delicious bloody marys made with Bodega Cat, not worth the 40 minutes it took to make, but still very good. Come hang out for a while, we're happy to have you! *If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 for support—help is always available* Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Support the show and check out MyBookie. Use code DRUNK to get a 100% deposit bonus at https://bit.ly/betwithDRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  What was your name?

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Oh. No, we did that. My name is Leslie.

• 0:09Mark Normand?

  Hey, Leslie!

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  Leslie, does she need to be mic for this, or no?

• 0:13Speaker 01

  No.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  No, we don't want it. We've had enough women on lately.

• 0:18Mark Normand?

  But hey, Leslie, good to have you. Sam's getting a little heroin.

• 0:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:23Mark Normand?

  Finally.

• 0:24Sam Morril?

  Good old AIDS needle. Let's do this. She laughed. All right. Well, uh, yeah, I'm hungover. I don't know about you, but I did puke last night.

• 0:34Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 0:36Sam Morril?

  Uh, yes, I would love Zofran.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  Okay, it's complimentary.

• 0:40Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 0:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god!

• 0:42Mark Normand?

  I'll take some Zofran.

• 0:43Sam Morril?

  Antinazia, right?

• 0:44Speaker 01

  Antinazia.

• 0:45Sam Morril?

  All right, I know my drugs, I'll tell ya.

• 0:48Speaker 03

  Tell us what you did last night.

• 0:49Sam Morril?

  We did the bodega cap party. You could probably find some pictures.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  On our Instagram.

• 0:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we did a big photo booth.

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, man, that was wild. And then we, you did a spot, which I can't believe you did. I just kept going. I had people over, we watched the Knicks lose.

• 1:06Mark Normand?

  Ah, to the Hawks of all teams.

• 1:08Sam Morril?

  I know. Not great. Oh, look at that picture. Good crew.

• 1:11Mark Normand?

  Great crew. Gaffigan.

• 1:13Sam Morril?

  Ruby, Rachel, Phil Hanley.

• 1:15Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 1:16Speaker 01

  How you feeling?

• 1:17Sam Morril?

  I feel good.

• 1:18Mark Normand?

  Man, you took that needle well.

• 1:20Sam Morril?

  I do.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Barely reacted.

• 1:22Mark Normand?

  Hey, look at that.

• 1:25Sam Morril?

  Great pics.

• 1:26Mark Normand?

  Our post is bombing, by the way.

• 1:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's all right.

• 1:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta get it out there. They don't all hit, but yeah, you can't pass them a Gaffigan.

• 1:33Sam Morril?

  And you gotta throw these up, they're great.

• 1:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, and Sal just no-showed. Nice.

• 1:38Sam Morril?

  Pretty hurtful that you shows your family over a drinking party.

• 1:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, family, he was doing headshots for open micers.

• 1:46Sam Morril?

  You did headshots for Vito?

• 1:48Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 1:51Mark Normand?

  All right, Leslie, put it in me.

• 1:53Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 1:54Mark Normand?

  Ah, ooh! All right.

• 1:57Sam Morril?

  Put it in me, I'm coming? I like the thought.

• 1:59Mark Normand?

  That wasn't on mic. See, it's a lot more fun than Call Her Daddy, huh?

• 2:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, if Kamala came on here. She might have had a chance.

• 2:09Mark Normand?

  I would love that. She can put him back, I think.

• 2:11Sam Morril?

  I bet she could.

• 2:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. With that cackle? Oh, there's, there's the two ladies. Ah, these poor gal. What is this, the WNBA? It's just a bunch of losses.

• 2:20Sam Morril?

  Trump's beat more women than Chris Brown.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's true.

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I, I, it was one of those, like, I was in bed and I was like, I know I have to puke.

• 2:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:32Sam Morril?

  I did the fucking fingers.

• 2:34Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 2:35Sam Morril?

  I had to. I wasn't gonna fall asleep with it.

• 2:37Mark Normand?

  You're a trooper.

• 2:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah. There you go, Liz, if you wanna talk.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  Uh, I'll wait. I'll wait for my moments.

• 2:47Sam Morril?

  She's on the clock.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Can you roll that?

• 2:49Sam Morril?

  It's a great opportunity to pull the dumb and dumber. Just pretend you, the blood everywhere, the ketchup, ah!

• 2:55Mark Normand?

  So I do that. I've seen this in movies.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  Yep. That's working.

• 2:59Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Barely need a tourniquet here. It's a nice puppy vein.

• 3:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:04Sam Morril?

  And you look at that Adam's apple he has. Isn't that crazy?

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Don't inject that. You should see, uh, my dong. Oop, all right. Oh, nervous. Oh, I hate needles in my life. I hate them.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  We've done these together before, though.

• 3:17Mark Normand?

  I know, I faked it.

• 3:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, God, I'm nervous. No!

• 3:22Sam Morril?

  Just look away. Just look away. It'll never, no, it happened.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  I'm not nervous.

• 3:26Mark Normand?

  Oh! That's a big one, too. Where'd you get that thing?

• 3:29Sam Morril?

  It's a big one.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Don't look at it.

• 3:30Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Don't look. Stop looking.

• 3:33Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 3:33Sam Morril?

  I don't know why it has to be a black needle. No, all right.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  You're the worst patient.

• 3:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you were a tiny baby, Mark. What the?

• 3:40Mark Normand?

  Ah, God!

• 3:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Mark, Mark, Mark, look at me, look at me.

• 3:44Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 3:44Sam Morril?

  Dude, Sopranos, you love the Sopranos? I'm just trying to distract him.

• 3:47Mark Normand?

  All right, all right, just do it, Liz.

• 3:48Sam Morril?

  Pull up that scene where Hash is doing the card game story.

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  Ah! God! Murder! Ah! All right, just joking. Hey.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 4:00Mark Normand?

  Well, it's a comedy show. Oh, look at the blood!

• 4:03Sam Morril?

  This is like Deliverance. What the hell?

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Don't look at the blood.

• 4:07Mark Normand?

  All right. I'm getting a little lightheaded. I'm just kidding. I've done this a thousand times.

• 4:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, Mark said.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Are you actually lightheaded?

• 4:14Mark Normand?

  No, no. Lighten the loafers.

• 4:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah. That's what they used to call gay dudes.

• 4:19Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Do you, do you need Zofran too? Because you're also feeling sick.

• 4:23Mark Normand?

  No, no Zofran for me. I'm a gent.

• 4:27Sam Morril?

  I'm in the house. Oh, here we. I love this. Look at this.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  Everybody's in. Ace aside. Your action, Mr. Phillips. Two hundred.

• 4:33Speaker 05

  They're sitting at the bar. Send them over a bottle of Dom. Next thing you know, we're in the hotel room. Me, Frankie, and the two broads.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  I see ya. Page three.

• 4:42Speaker 05

  Because this one, this little pothead from Texas, she fucked me dry. But she still wanted more. She's a fucking mess. So I'm wearing these pointy feather wings and I stick the toe in, and I'm fucking her with it.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  I guess we should all be grateful he wasn't wearing white fuck.

• 4:58Sam Morril?

  You can pull it. You can pull it. Salakus. I just, I love it. An eighty-year-old guy just telling fuck stories.

• 5:05Mark Normand?

  He's fucking with a loafer.

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  Robert Loggia.

• 5:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:08Sam Morril?

  That guy rules.

• 5:09Mark Normand?

  Great boy. He's in striptease, I believe.

• 5:11Sam Morril?

  Is he?

• 5:11Mark Normand?

  Wait, the one with Elizabeth Berkeley?

• 5:14Sam Morril?

  Showgirls.

• 5:14Mark Normand?

  Showgirls. That's what I meant.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  He's also in Scarface.

• 5:18Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  Right. Damn, he rules.

• 5:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:22Sam Morril?

  And also, when he be, he's like eighty in this, but when he's beating the shit out of people, it's kind of believable.

• 5:25Mark Normand?

  Very believable.

• 5:26Sam Morril?

  It's not like De Niro in The Irishman where you're like, that's not.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was bad. That was worse than the Jussie Smollett. Less realistic.

• 5:36Sam Morril?

  It was more realistic.

• 5:37Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, I guess that's true.

• 5:39Sam Morril?

  Where'd you end up? So what were some highlights of the party for you?

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  Party was great. The whole R N D C, or whatever the liquor company's called.

• 5:47Sam Morril?

  Republican National Convention. It was nice of them to show up.

• 5:50Mark Normand?

  They came out well. They needed a, they needed a win. Um, or to celebrate.

• 5:54Sam Morril?

  I feel good. Yes. It's coming in.

• 5:57Mark Normand?

  It's cold.

• 5:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Mark Normand?

  Very nice. Yeah. Should we drink while IVing, or is that crazy?

• 6:02Sam Morril?

  I think we should, but we were waiting for our bartender and I'm, oh, he's making, uh, he's making Bloody Marys, if I'm not.

• 6:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa, I like that. Is that allowed, Les?

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Uh, I have no comment.

• 6:15Mark Normand?

  All right, that's a yes. Yeah, great. Some real highlights. The reps had a great time. We had Sam Jay, we had Rachel Feinstein, we had Jim Gaffigan, we had, uh...

• 6:27Sam Morril?

  So many comics.

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  Hanley, Phil Hanley showed up.

• 6:30Sam Morril?

  Marlon Kraft.

• 6:31Mark Normand?

  Ooh, the rapper, yeah.

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  All the boys, all our friends showed up.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Anthony DeVito, Matt Ruby, Jordan Fisher, Anthony Moore. Yeah, it was a good time. Check the photos.

• 6:43Sam Morril?

  Good times.

• 6:44Mark Normand?

  Good times. We got pretty banged up. It was free drinks. They pre-made paper planes. They pre-made Boulevardier, so they could just pour them out of a pitcher, right on ice. That's the way to go.

• 6:53Sam Morril?

  I do it for Thanksgiving. I bring a paper planes to my family.

• 6:56Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 6:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. It's a hit. People love, because they're like, people don't know it, and they have, and they're like, holy shit.

• 7:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it tastes like a Kool-Aid flavor, you know? It's so good.

• 7:05Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 7:06Mark Normand?

  Too good.

• 7:07Sam Morril?

  Too good. I got fucked up.

• 7:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, I owe you fucking 600 bucks or whatever.

• 7:11Sam Morril?

  Something, yeah. We ordered 30 pies from Joe's.

• 7:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and they went.

• 7:15Sam Morril?

  They went. We had to. You gotta have food at a party.

• 7:18Mark Normand?

  30 pies?

• 7:19Sam Morril?

  30. They called me to make, I got, they canceled me twice for Amex fraud, because they were like, there's no way you want 30 pies.

• 7:25Mark Normand?

  I mean, that's a prank, you know? Send 30 pies to the Comedy Cellar.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  What do you tip the guy on 30 pies?

• 7:29Mark Normand?

  That's a good question.

• 7:30Sam Morril?

  It was a big tip, because it was like, whatever, it was a percentage.

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 7:34Sam Morril?

  You have to. You have to. You're carrying a lot. You gotta tip.

• 7:37Mark Normand?

  It was two guys.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  But it's like a block away.

• 7:39Sam Morril?

  I know, but...

• 7:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  You can send DeVito.

• 7:41Sam Morril?

  Bad juju to not tip. Bad ju.

• 7:47Sam Morril?

  But, gotta tip.

• 7:49Mark Normand?

  So, yeah, give me that bill, and I'll give you half of it.

• 7:52Sam Morril?

  Do we, uh, I had a crazy day. So first off, I do comics come home.

• 7:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, I want to hear about that.

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  Back lineup, it's, you know, Bill Burr, Bobby Kelly, Lenny Clark, Laurel, Ronnie Chang.

• 8:06Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 8:06Sam Morril?

  Great group. So many good comics. Alec Flynn, funny young guy.

• 8:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:10Sam Morril?

  A lot of funny comics. Everyone killed. Zarna crushed.

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  She kills.

• 8:15Sam Morril?

  Crushed. Uh, it was a hot night. Everyone killed. Dennis Leary was really cool.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Was this at Madison Square Garden? Where is it?

• 8:22Sam Morril?

  It was at the Boston Garden.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  Boston?

• 8:23Sam Morril?

  So they're giving us all this, literally, I have like, a box of Bruins schwag. It's all Boston shit and we have our own custom Bruins jersey.

• 8:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:32Sam Morril?

  With, you know, all of our last names on it.

• 8:33Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 8:34Sam Morril?

  What am I gonna do with a Bruins jersey? So I'm holding it behind my back for the shoot. I'm like, I don't wanna promote a Boston sports team. And the, and the sports and the reporters know, so they're like, Sam, hold it up. You New York piece of trash are all like heckling me. But, uh.

• 8:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, I'll wear any jersey. You put my name on anything, I'll wear it. Hamas, whatever.

• 8:51Sam Morril?

  Number nine. Seventy-two for the Virgins. And then, uh, so dude, we're going up there. I'm up there in Amtrak day of, and you know, you, you leave that couple hour window to go to the hotel and shower.

• 9:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Sam Morril?

  The train in front of me hits a person.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  What?

• 9:06Sam Morril?

  A woman's on the tracks and, and I'm, and I'm like, oh shit. It's so funny, by the way, that everyone is like, they're like, uh, we've hit a woman and everyone's like, fuck my plans.

• 9:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:15Sam Morril?

  Oh no. It's like, no one's concerned, they're just like, I had a thing.

• 9:18Mark Normand?

  So true.

• 9:18Sam Morril?

  So we're, uh, we're kinda all like figuring it out. I get off the train, cause the train in front of me hit it, so they're, they're in the middle.

• 9:25Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:25Sam Morril?

  So I'm wondering, I'm like, I wonder if Ronnie's on that train. So I text Ronnie and he goes, I'm on the train that hit the woman.

• 9:30Mark Normand?

  Whoa, Asian driver.

• 9:35Sam Morril?

  So I get off the train and I'm calling an Uber, but I'm in like the middle of Rhode Island. It's not, it's not Providence, so like.

• 9:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 9:43Sam Morril?

  No Ubers, and it's like a two hour Uber and they're all like, you know, we'll reimburse you. But the Ubers are like thirty minutes away, so.

• 9:48Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 9:49Sam Morril?

  The Amtrak guy sees me kinda pacing and he recognized me. He goes, uh, I hope you make your show tonight.

• 9:54Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 9:55Sam Morril?

  And I said, oh, yeah, yeah, thank you so much. I was like, you want tickets to the show? And he go, he goes, oh, that would be amazing. Thank you so much. So then, since I said that, he feels like, he's very nice. He feels the need to update me like every two minutes.

• 10:05Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 10:05Sam Morril?

  And he'd like walk back and be like, it was a woman. But then, but then he'd walk back over to me a couple minutes later and he goes, oh man, she was sitting Indian style. And you know, the train's going so quickly.

• 10:17Mark Normand?

  Suicide.

• 10:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, suicide.

• 10:18Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 10:19Sam Morril?

  So the train's going so quickly that the engineer has to just watch it all happen. You can't stop the train. And I was like, God, that's horrible. And he's like, horrible. And then he'd be like, you know, uh, you know, one minute you're here, the next poof. And I was like, oh my God. And then he was like, so the tickets are at the box office.

• 10:36Sam Morril?

  And then he emailed me after the show. Cause I emailed him, say, hey, just to make sure you got in. And he wrote me back after the show. These seats were incredible. The lineup was stacked. That woman getting hits, the best thing that ever happened to me.

• 10:47Mark Normand?

  Man, that's crazy.

• 10:50Sam Morril?

  He ended up being a great guy. And I was like, and we chatted for a while on the train too. He was like, really, he was really cool. And, and oh, by the way, he's, I told him Ronnie Chang's on the train in front. And he goes, I love Ronnie Chang. So we made sure Ronnie got, they had to deboard that train and get everyone off mid-track. So they were, cause they were in the middle, cause they have to like dispose of the whole body.

• 11:10Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 11:12Sam Morril?

  So they were like, that's a fucking bad job, by the way. But, uh, you know, they, they put like a, whatever, like floor thing down. I don't know. I'm.

• 11:20Mark Normand?

  A tarp?

• 11:21Sam Morril?

  Not a tarp, but the thing to like get people from one train to another.

• 11:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, a little bridge there.

• 11:25Sam Morril?

  A bridge there. And, uh, and Ronnie sat next to me. We were just like cracking up. So I, I showered in the Celtics, uh, visiting locker.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 11:32Sam Morril?

  And let me tell you, that stream, that water stream is shit.

• 11:35Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 11:35Sam Morril?

  Cause they're doing it to fuck with the opponents, I think.

• 11:37Mark Normand?

  I've heard this.

• 11:39Sam Morril?

  So I'm trying to shower in there. I'm like, there's, the water's coming out like, like this shit right here.

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  Wow. That makes sense.

• 11:44Sam Morril?

  So I was like, man, I showered, the fucking Celtics got me.

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  Well, there are New Yorkers in there. They can't treat you well.

• 11:51Sam Morril?

  But, uh, overall, show was amazing. Great night. Ronnie and I check into the hotel, end of the night. And there's like, it's like, it was like an updated version of like what the W Hotel is, where it's like too cool. They're blaring music. There's a DJ. And we're just like, it's at the desk. So we're just like so tired, you know? And, uh, and we just looked at each other. We started cracking up. We're like, fucking long day, but we like just hugged each other like, good fucking day.

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. That's great.

• 12:18Sam Morril?

  He's like, so you're so fortunate when it's like your buddy that you get stuck.

• 12:22Mark Normand?

  Yes. Wow.

• 12:23Sam Morril?

  He's coming on soon too. He's coming on, he's got the new special coming out. So he's gonna come on.

• 12:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 12:29Sam Morril?

  You might be drunk.

• 12:30Mark Normand?

  Yes. I can't believe the lady was Indian style.

• 12:32Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 12:33Mark Normand?

  That's so, I mean, that's what Zarna calls her act.

• 12:37Mark Normand?

  All right, I should have set that joke up.

• 12:40Mark Normand?

  Look up Zarna, though. She's hilarious. She's gonna be famous.

• 12:43Sam Morril?

  I feel like she already is.

• 12:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she owns for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on the road. Like, she's like a sitcom waiting to happen.

• 12:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:51Mark Normand?

  Um, there she is, Garg. Nice lady, too.

• 12:54Sam Morril?

  She is nice.

• 12:55Mark Normand?

  Sweet, sweet woman. Uh, wow, that is a crazy story. Damn, and you might get it in with Amtrak now. Maybe they can hook you up with some, some rides.

• 13:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I want, I want to ride them way more after that. A fucking insane, insane day, but...

• 13:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:10Sam Morril?

  But you're, you're just laughing, and you're also like, fuck, we made it. Thank God. As long as you, as long as you make it.

• 13:15Mark Normand?

  You made it.

• 13:15Sam Morril?

  She didn't, but we did.

• 13:17Mark Normand?

  Well, she didn't want to, apparently.

• 13:19Sam Morril?

  She didn't want to.

• 13:19Mark Normand?

  I guess her life wasn't on track. All right, good night, everybody.

• 13:24Sam Morril?

  The suicide stuff, I mean, that, usually I was asking the guy on the train, I was like, how often does this happen? He goes, it's usually around the holidays.

• 13:30Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 13:32Sam Morril?

  Dark.

• 13:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, very dark.

• 13:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Thanksgiving.

• 13:36Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 13:36Mark Normand?

  That's a, everybody likes Thanksgiving.

• 13:38Sam Morril?

  Well, not if you have no one. I think it brings up bad shit, you know?

• 13:41Mark Normand?

  Good point, good point.

• 13:42Sam Morril?

  I, you know what? Did I ever tell you the story when I was a kid and I was getting on the bus? And, uh, I'm on like Madison Avenue trying to get on the bus, and a woman just jumps out the window and splat landed right in front of me. I never told you this?

• 13:54Mark Normand?

  No.

• 13:54Sam Morril?

  Oh, my.

• 13:55Mark Normand?

  Out of an apartment window?

• 13:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 13:56Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 13:57Sam Morril?

  I was like 12 years old, and she just went splat 10 feet in front of me.

• 14:01Mark Normand?

  If you know my name.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  What does that look like? Uh, bad. I mean, do you see, like, they actually splat?

• 14:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:11Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 14:12Sam Morril?

  It was, and she didn't die instantly either.

• 14:14Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 14:16Sam Morril?

  Well, the crazy thing is the part of your brain is like, you're so like, at first like, oh my God, that poor person, like, oh my God, like, that's tragic, that's terrible. But then you, you, I got on the bus and I was like, that bitch almost killed me.

• 14:30Sam Morril?

  He'll sit in front of a train.

• 14:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:33Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's geez.

• 14:34Sam Morril?

  Well, you do admire people. I mean, look, if you do it at home, you aren't, but you're still kinda, it's still, the tough thing is someone's still discovering the body.

• 14:43Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 14:44Sam Morril?

  And traumatized, like, I had a, like, a surrogate uncle who, uh, like, growing up, we were really close, and he is my mom's friend, and he did it by hanging, and his assistant had to find him.

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  Assistant!

• 14:55Sam Morril?

  So you, so it's like, no matter what, I mean, this is a dark episode, I'm sorry.

• 14:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:59Sam Morril?

  If you're struggling, call the suicide hotline. I feel like we have to say something.

• 15:03Mark Normand?

  Something, yeah, yeah. Put the number down there, Peters. Damn, that's heavy.

• 15:07Sam Morril?

  Truly, yeah, get, talk, call someone, call your friends. It's, it's bad.

• 15:11Mark Normand?

  When the lady jumped out, did the bus driver go, "Only in New York"?

• 15:16Sam Morril?

  "I'm walking here."

• 15:19Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's heavy. Boy, you've seen some stuff. You've lived.

• 15:22Sam Morril?

  It was weird. Oh, my God, can I tell you one more crazy story?

• 15:24Mark Normand?

  No, is it death?

• 15:26Sam Morril?

  No.

• 15:26Mark Normand?

  All right, great.

• 15:27Sam Morril?

  This happened this week, too. I was playing ball at the park, uh, yesterday at Tompkins Square Park, and a dude is on drugs, and he has a fucking axe.

• 15:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 15:39Sam Morril?

  So I'm looking around, like, I'm like, this dude's tweaking, he's walking around with an axe. He got into, like, the shed, and there's a shed there for the, I don't know, for the gardening?

• 15:47Mark Normand?

  The gardening, yeah, whoa.

• 15:48Sam Morril?

  They have an axe there, it's just open, and he's on meth or something bad, and, yeah, he pull up the, "Here's Johnny."

• 15:56Sam Morril?

  But he's walking around, and I look at one of the guys on the pull-up bars, I was like, "Should I call the cops?" And he was like, "Call the cops, right."

• 16:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 16:03Sam Morril?

  So I call the cops. They're very helpful, as you would expect. Uh, I go, "Hey," it's like Joe List's bit, you know, where he has a bit about when you call 911, and, uh, and the woman on the phone is like, "Sir, calm down. Sir, shut the fuck up." That's like his bit, I love that, but... This guy's got an axe in the park.

• 16:24Mark Normand?

  Geez.

• 16:25Sam Morril?

  And I call and she goes, so what's happening? I'm like, there's a guy with an axe walking around. I think he's on, you know, something. And she goes, well, is he, is he dangerous? I'm like, I don't know. I mean, he's got an axe. I don't think it's good. But every question she asks is just annoying. She goes, is he okay? And I was like, is he okay? Yeah, he's living his best life. He's got a fucking axe. I don't know. I'm like, something's wrong with him. He's on drugs. And she goes, well, there's no, no reason to be sarcastic. So I'm like arguing with her on the phone.

• 16:50Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 16:50Sam Morril?

  Are you sending a car or not? Like it's got, there's only one exit to the park. Cause the other one's under construction. He's blocking it with an axe.

• 16:56Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 16:57Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, just, you know, maybe send. So gets kinda heated with us. She goes, it's not my job. The cops will get there when they get there. And I'm just like, wow, this person sucks. I was like, I'm pretty sure it is your job. 911 is cops.

• 17:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:09Sam Morril?

  But the cops do show up. The guy walks out, the car, like three cars pull up quickly. And they walk in, right as the guy walks out, he leaves the axe. And I go, that's the guy. He's getting away. And, and they go, we gotta make sure this area is clear first. I'm like, that's, he's down the block. He's getting away. They let him get away.

• 17:28Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 17:29Sam Morril?

  I told them about the shed. I'm like, well, that shed is where we got the axe. You guys should like lock it up.

• 17:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:34Sam Morril?

  For the, you know, groundskeeper, whatever, whoever runs this. And then he, uh, they go, okay. And, and talking to the cops for a while, they're like, well, take a picture if he, uh, if he comes back. And I'm like, all right.

• 17:44Mark Normand?

  Take a picture?

• 17:45Sam Morril?

  So I was like, fine. So the cops leave. He comes back. I get like five good pictures of him.

• 17:50Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 17:51Sam Morril?

  And then I, they didn't give me a number.

• 17:53Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 17:54Sam Morril?

  So I just have it on my phone. So it's just gonna be like a fucking memory now.

• 17:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, put them up, put the pic up. We'll put it on the episode.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Hold on, take a picture. He's right there. You take a fucking picture.

• 18:03Mark Normand?

  I just picture you, are you guys selfieing? Do you have your arm around him? We got a photo. Get the axe.

• 18:08Sam Morril?

  I didn't even tell you, let me send it to you right now. Hold on. I got it.

• 18:11Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 18:13Sam Morril?

  Where the fuck is it?

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  This would be a good axe body spray commercial. There's a guy with axe.

• 18:19Sam Morril?

  Here he is. Not a great shot, but this is the best I got. Um, Sal, excuse you get it?

• 18:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I'm waiting on it.

• 18:26Mark Normand?

  Damn. Axe wielding.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got it.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  It's really the only thing you wield. What else do you wield?

• 18:32Sam Morril?

  So.

• 18:33Mark Normand?

  Just saying.

• 18:34Sam Morril?

  So then, so then, um.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Uh oh.

• 18:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  God damn.

• 18:38Mark Normand?

  God, my whole life just opened up. Sal, he's grinder profile.

• 18:42Sam Morril?

  Just him butt naked doing that?

• 18:46Sam Morril?

  There he is.

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, Jesus Christ.

• 18:49Sam Morril?

  So, so, so he comes back and some of the neighborhood guys come over to me and go, is that the guy? And I go, yeah, yeah, that's him. Two jacked pull-up bar guys go over to him and go, why'd you get an axe? And he goes, oh, it was already out. And they just start beating the shit out of him.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  Shut up!

• 19:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah. The cops don't come through, so vigilante justice does.

• 19:06Mark Normand?

  The streets.

• 19:07Sam Morril?

  So this tough dude in a tank top pops him in the face and then, uh,

• 19:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 19:12Sam Morril?

  This other guy kicks him and then he walked out angry and we followed him for a while. I was like, let me just get a couple more pictures. Then I realized I didn't have anywhere to send them.

• 19:19Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 19:19Sam Morril?

  And, uh, he came over and like thanked me for calling, but I was like, what a, what a crazy bunch of stuff in one week.

• 19:25Mark Normand?

  Wow, what were the pull-up guys, what'd they look like?

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  Shredded.

• 19:29Mark Normand?

  Damn!

• 19:30Sam Morril?

  Like dudes who just work out all day on the bars and stuff.

• 19:33Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's wild.

• 19:35Speaker 03

  Oh, that's the shed he got the axe from?

• 19:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  And he went back?

• 19:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  To get another one?

• 19:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and they got like those snippers and stuff. They got stuff you could, you know.

• 19:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, shovels, pitchfork.

• 19:44Sam Morril?

  They got weapons for sure.

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  Man, that's crazy. Did you ever tell you the story about, uh, my house would get broken into all the time and my dad worked late? My mom be at home and, uh, me and my brother were out at friend's house or whatever. So my mom was home alone. So this guy would bang on the door at, at like a nine o'clock at night, every night. Just bang on the door and be like, I'm gonna kill you, who's in there? You know, like break the glass and stuff. So after that happened like a couple of times, my dad's like, alright, fuck this, we're not leaving your mom at home anymore. We got three dudes here, we're gonna hide out, wait for the guy to come back. When he comes back, we're gonna beat the shit out of him as a family and tie him up and call the police.

• 20:21Sam Morril?

  Who says we never do things?

• 20:23Mark Normand?

  And my, this is like, my dad was a, is a lawyer guy, he's wearing a suit. So it was like a weird, you know, oh geez, I've never heard my dad talk like this, but you're fucking with mom, we gotta do something.

• 20:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:33Mark Normand?

  So I'm like 11, you know, and I'm like,

• 20:36Sam Morril?

  You got a gun?

• 20:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I have a sword and a slingshot and, uh, I'm like, oh, fuck, here we go. And somebody, ba ba ba ba, ding ding ding ding, ring the doorbell. My dad's like, we're all watching The Simpsons or something. And he's like, this is it. You know? No guns, but we go out there and I'm so scared, cause you know, you're picturing like, what is this guy? Deranged, a homeless guy, a scraggly dude with the, with crazy hair and scars? I don't know. So. My dad's like, "You ready?" And we have like filtered glass that you can't see through. So my dad goes, "You open the door, me and your brother are gonna jump on him, and then you start jumping on him and then tie him up." And I was like, "All right, here we go, but you gotta do it." And we opened the door, and my dad jumps out. It was a girl selling magazines.

• 21:22Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  So my dad like tackled this, you know, 14-year-old girl, and she's like, "Ah!" And my brother's like, beating the fuck out of her, but it ended pretty quick, but uh, crazy story.

• 21:32Sam Morril?

  Your dad's like, "Now we have to subscribe to Wine Spectator."

• 21:37Mark Normand?

  We had to get oxygen after that. So yeah, we got Oprah's uh, magazine, and yeah, that was uh, crazy. The guy never came back, but

• 21:44Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 21:44Mark Normand?

  Crazy New Orleans tale.

• 21:46Sam Morril?

  It is, look, it is tough because you live in cities with this, especially like any city now. There's enough deranged people on drugs that you kinda lose your empathy, and it's awful because they need help.

• 21:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:57Sam Morril?

  You're looking at them, you're like, "Just fucking stay in your area."

• 22:00Mark Normand?

  I know. And what are these cops doing? You call the cop, you gotta get a photo of the guy, you have the guy, but they won't do anything?

• 22:06Sam Morril?

  I'm doing your job for you.

• 22:07Mark Normand?

  Exactly. It's crazy. Yeah, it's out of control. But he'll, he'll get out in a day.

• 22:11Sam Morril?

  Citizen's arrest.

• 22:12Mark Normand?

  Yes. Is that real?

• 22:14Sam Morril?

  I don't think so. I don't think you can do that. Can you? You can't do that, can you?

• 22:18Speaker 03

  I don't think you can hold somebody against their will. I'll look it up.

• 22:21Mark Normand?

  Look it up.

• 22:22Sam Morril?

  He's in my bathtub handcuffed. I'm like, "Citizen's arrest."

• 22:26Mark Normand?

  You're blowing him.

• 22:29Mark Normand?

  What is that? Remember the Guardian Angels? Was that a thing?

• 22:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, those red berets.

• 22:34Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 22:35Sam Morril?

  Who was it? Curtis Sliwa?

• 22:37Speaker 03

  Sliwa?

• 22:37Sam Morril?

  Sliwa?

• 22:38Mark Normand?

  That guy was awesome. Maybe a little nutty, but at least he was directing it to good, I guess.

• 22:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Okay. I don't know if it's legal or not, but a citizen's arrest is an arrest made by a private citizen. People who are not acting as sworn law enforcement in common law jurisdictions. The practice dates back to medieval England.

• 22:56Mark Normand?

  Oh geez.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  So it's probably not on the books here.

• 22:59Mark Normand?

  What about uh, you know what you never see only in movies is the uh, Sir, get out of the car, I'm commandeering this vehicle. And it was some guy in like a Lamborghini like, what the fuck? And they throw him out on the highway.

• 23:09Sam Morril?

  I'm pretty sure you're like, that's the bad guy in GTA. I don't think you're allowed to just commandeer video, uh, vehicles.

• 23:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was in every 80's cop movie, commandeering.

• 23:18Sam Morril?

  Or just running over the fruit stand.

• 23:19Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 23:20Sam Morril?

  Every movie, there was a guy with like, up selling mangoes, like, ah!

• 23:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. Or, or the two guys carrying glass, and the guy in the car would go right through it. And then chickens would go everywhere for some reason.

• 23:30Sam Morril?

  Speaking of, I watched Happiness on UNRANON's Rec.

• 23:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:34Sam Morril?

  Dude, that movie's incredible.

• 23:36Mark Normand?

  Classic.

• 23:37Sam Morril?

  Happiness, Philip Seymour Hoffman.

• 23:38Mark Normand?

  That's a tearjerker.

• 23:39Sam Morril?

  If you watch it, I could, I, I feel guilty, cause I, I, I said Speak No Evil wasn't a hard rec, cause it's so dark.

• 23:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:46Sam Morril?

  And then, some guy tweeted at me, like, watched it, it fucking was brutal, Jesus Christ, too dark. And I said, well, the new one's kind of, over back, the new one's kind of a palate cleanser, it's not as dark. And he was like, I hated the new one even more. I'm like, fuck, alright. So this movie, if you watch it, it is insanely dark.

• 24:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 24:03Sam Morril?

  It's hilarious.

• 24:04Mark Normand?

  Yes, but it's heavy.

• 24:05Sam Morril?

  There was some shit in there that I was like, man, the 90's were a fucking great era for film.

• 24:09Mark Normand?

  I know, movies, TV, and music.

• 24:12Sam Morril?

  Everything.

• 24:13Mark Normand?

  Damn, we gotta get back to that.

• 24:15Sam Morril?

  It's a dark fucking movie. But goddamn, was it impressive.

• 24:18Mark Normand?

  Very well done, great acting, but yeah, ooh, it's heavy. Good luck.

• 24:22Sam Morril?

  How hot was Laura Flynn Boyle?

• 24:24Mark Normand?

  Ooh, was she hot?

• 24:26Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 24:27Mark Normand?

  I think, uh, Jack Nicholson was, uh, inside of her for a minute.

• 24:30Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:31Mark Normand?

  And somebody else, I think. Maybe, uh, Leo? No, she's too old for Leo, what am I thinking?

• 24:37Sam Morril?

  That's, oh my god.

• 24:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:39Sam Morril?

  About like 50 years.

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she was with somebody though, somebody else, but yeah, she was a real piece. Even in Men in Black 2, she was something.

• 24:45Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, so hot.

• 24:46Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 24:47Sam Morril?

  Linda Fiorentino in the first one, they were just, it was, it was, it was, it was like some hot 90's.

• 24:51Mark Normand?

  And then Rosario Dawson, of course. Oh, Duritz, that twink, he got everybody, Sideshow Bob over here.

• 24:57Sam Morril?

  Goddamn.

• 24:57Mark Normand?

  Willis, that was it.

• 24:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but he doesn't remember it.

• 25:00Mark Normand?

  Nah, and he can't thought, whoa, Dave!

• 25:02Sam Morril?

  Yes!

• 25:04Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's one for the comics. Never heard of this guy.

• 25:07Sam Morril?

  Dude, you ever see?

• 25:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 25:10Sam Morril?

  I got a hard rack for you with Lara Flynn Boyle.

• 25:14Mark Normand?

  Jackie.

• 25:14Sam Morril?

  Red Rock West.

• 25:15Mark Normand?

  Hmm, what's that?

• 25:16Sam Morril?

  It's a noir with Nicolas Cage and Dennis Hopper. It's fucking awesome. It's one of those hard to find ones. I had to find it like on some illegal stream.

• 25:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, never heard of it.

• 25:25Sam Morril?

  This movie rocks.

• 25:26Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 25:27Sam Morril?

  Oh, it kicks ass.

• 25:28Mark Normand?

  Red Rock West.

• 25:29Sam Morril?

  It's like a weird little western noir where people keep fucking each other over. It's awesome. Oh, you know who's great in it? J.T. Walsh. That guy.

• 25:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. Always pops up in good stuff.

• 25:39Mark Normand?

  Good character actor.

• 25:40Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:41Mark Normand?

  If we're going western, I am obsessed with this Netflix show, The Wyatt Earp Thing.

• 25:45Sam Morril?

  Is it good?

• 25:46Mark Normand?

  It's great. It's just so well done. And the shootout at the O.K. Corral is such an amazing story with layers and

• 25:52Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 25:53Mark Normand?

  so many different characters and it's all real. I mean, it's a hell of a picture. It's like a docu-series, but they make it fun and watchable.

• 26:00Sam Morril?

  I'm watching that for sure.

• 26:01Mark Normand?

  I mean, the twists and turns. It's all real, too. And they show people in New York reading the paper like, whoa, because the Wild West was like crazy. You know, New York's all factories and skyscrapers and this was like shootouts and cowboys and shit.

• 26:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, damn.

• 26:18Mark Normand?

  It's really well done.

• 26:19Sam Morril?

  I don't think I would have fared too well then. I'd be like, there's a guy with an axe here. Jesus Christ.

• 26:24Mark Normand?

  You have to get the photo guy. Those old school cameras.

• 26:28Sam Morril?

  Dude, I love, uh, I was just fucking watching TV during the day and 3:10 to Yuma was on TV.

• 26:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a great movie.

• 26:35Sam Morril?

  I'd never seen it, dude. I love Elmore Leonard, too, but it's like, it's like the last 30 minutes. And I was like, I'm like, the last 30 minutes are incredible.

• 26:41Mark Normand?

  Incredible. And it's such a simple plot, but it's so good. Just get the guy back. Get the guy back.

• 26:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, I loved it.

• 26:47Mark Normand?

  By 3:00 PM or whatever.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  The same guy who made 3:10 to Yuma made Copland.

• 26:51Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 26:52Sam Morril?

  A bit of a re- Cameos and Gold?

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Yes, which is a bit of a remake of 3:10 to Yuma. It's the same story.

• 26:57Sam Morril?

  Copland's really good.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, Copland's great.

• 26:58Mark Normand?

  Janine Garofalo.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Yes, cupcake.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  Cupcake.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  That's what they call her in the movie.

• 27:03Mark Normand?

  You got a weird name for it.

• 27:05Sam Morril?

  Copland's underrated.

• 27:06Mark Normand?

  Copland is underrated.

• 27:07Sam Morril?

  Stallone is badass.

• 27:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:09Mark Normand?

  Is it Jersey?

• 27:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:11Sam Morril?

  Man, so when I was talking to Dennis Leary, he's telling me, he's like, so when I filmed Demolition Man, I was like, holy shit, this guy was in Demolition.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 27:18Sam Morril?

  Dennis Leary was just in a ton of movies.

• 27:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, The Refs.

• 27:21Sam Morril?

  The Refs.

• 27:21Mark Normand?

  Suicide King.

• 27:23Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 27:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:24Sam Morril?

  But he goes, Snipes and Stallone had like, like weird ego shit.

• 27:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, I could see that.

• 27:30Sam Morril?

  And, and he goes, every time I'd walk over, they built a golf course for Stallone at every, at every setting.

• 27:36Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 27:38Sam Morril?

  Like a cage where we could just golf.

• 27:39Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 27:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah. That's, that's in the 90s when they were just, they were like, this money's gonna, this movie's gonna make so much money.

• 27:44Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 27:45Sam Morril?

  Stallone's in it.

• 27:46Mark Normand?

  Yes. And this guy's so famous that we'll do whatever he wants.

• 27:50Sam Morril?

  Damn, weird times, man.

• 27:51Mark Normand?

  Weird times, but those days are over. I feel bad for these, these new celebrities. They're like, please follow me on TikTok. Please subscribe to my Instagram or whatever, my newsletter. Yeah, yeah. You gotta do the TikTok challenge or whatever. You drink bleach and sing out of a car window.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Should we do our dates now or wait till the end of the show?

• 28:11Sam Morril?

  Dude, we, I mean, our director, Jonah Feingold there.

• 28:16Mark Normand?

  Yes, he showed up.

• 28:17Sam Morril?

  He showed up to our Bodega Cat party.

• 28:18Mark Normand?

  Boy, he's a handsome guy.

• 28:20Sam Morril?

  Cute guy.

• 28:20Mark Normand?

  Very cute.

• 28:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 28:22Mark Normand?

  He's like a Shalit Mu.

• 28:25Mark Normand?

  Timothy. There he is. Look how cute.

• 28:27Sam Morril?

  Good looking guy.

• 28:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's really, gave us good notes already. I'm excited, man. I think we're, I think we're gonna make a little, I think we, he seems confident. I said, so you think we'll make this movie for sure? He's like, oh, we're making it.

• 28:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  I was like, that confidence, I need to hear that.

• 28:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's good. He had great notes and he was, he's so into the movie. He was like, we should make Brad. I'm like, who the hell's Brad? He knows all the characters.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Jonah posted that last night.

• 28:50Sam Morril?

  That's nice.

• 28:51Mark Normand?

  Congrats to the Muses. Launch of unreal whiskey. Wow, that's very nice.

• 28:57Sam Morril?

  Hey.

• 28:57Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 28:58Sam Morril?

  Hey, you're alright.

• 28:59Mark Normand?

  Look at that. Is that one picture he's got up?

• 29:01Speaker 03

  Uh, that was in his stories.

• 29:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 29:03Sam Morril?

  Where's this drink? I thought, how long does it take to make a drink? Where he's going? What is he doing?

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Maybe he's waiting for us to get him?

• 29:09Speaker 01

  I'm a girl. I'll go look.

• 29:10Mark Normand?

  Alright. You got something up your sleeve, Peters? Is this, is this some kind of trick where a stripper's gonna come in and blow us? Alright.

• 29:17Sam Morril?

  Is it really? No. Oh, okay.

• 29:19Mark Normand?

  Alright. You got a nice bath here. I didn't know what was going on.

• 29:22Sam Morril?

  We've only had one stripper on this show, and it was a man.

• 29:24Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 29:25Sam Morril?

  We were doing, that bachelor party was an epic episode.

• 29:28Mark Normand?

  That was killer.

• 29:30Sam Morril?

  I think it's the least funny we've ever been on an episode, because we were just bombed instantly.

• 29:33Mark Normand?

  Yes. Well, DeRosa's fucking shot caller over here.

• 29:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 29:38Mark Normand?

  Shots, let's do another one. I'm like...

• 29:40Sam Morril?

  You're 50.

• 29:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You're 50. We've been in here four minutes. I'm already on my third shot.

• 29:46Sam Morril?

  Every drunk that turns, "Come on, you fucking pussy."

• 29:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. He's a wild, he went to my real bachelor party and did blow, and we're like, "We should fentanyl test this." And he's like, "Good idea." Covered in blow. I'm like, "Jesus, man."

• 29:59Sam Morril?

  Damn, yeah, you don't wanna, you know, I'm gonna die.

• 30:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, no, he was fine. Bert was there, so we bought the good blow.

• 30:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he put the money down.

• 30:08Sam Morril?

  Hell, yeah.

• 30:09Mark Normand?

  That's one of the perks of like, these alpha ego guys. You're like, "Oh, you'll pay for everything. Great."

• 30:14Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That and grilling. "I'll grill." You're like, "Great, you grill. I don't wanna grill."

• 30:19Sam Morril?

  The grill's an alpha thing.

• 30:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:21Sam Morril?

  Tony Soprano grilled.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Yes, which I'm happy to drink beer in the corner and watch you grill, if you wanna grill.

• 30:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what is that? But I think that's also like, an antisocial move, too.

• 30:32Mark Normand?

  That could be something.

• 30:33Sam Morril?

  I don't have to hang out with people.

• 30:34Mark Normand?

  That's true. My mom is an introvert, and she's always like, "Can I help?" Because she just wants to not talk to people, so she's like, lifting plates and shit.

• 30:42Sam Morril?

  That is, the can I help person doesn't wanna be a part of the party.

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they wanna, they wanna be a part, but they don't wanna...

• 30:48Sam Morril?

  They don't wanna socialize.

• 30:49Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 30:50Sam Morril?

  I get it.

• 30:50Mark Normand?

  I get it.

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  It can be overwhelming.

• 30:52Mark Normand?

  Thank god for booze.

• 30:53Sam Morril?

  Booze help.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Are you an introvert, Mark?

• 30:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 30:56Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:57Sam Morril?

  I think he is, but not with like, us.

• 31:01Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 31:02Sam Morril?

  Like, Mark and I, like, at a party, will just be like, hanging the whole time.

• 31:05Mark Normand?

  We're hanging out.

• 31:06Sam Morril?

  And I can see, I can tell when he's getting anxious, like...

• 31:08Mark Normand?

  You too. I can see it on you as well. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 31:10Sam Morril?

  What, like, what?

• 31:11Mark Normand?

  Well, we both are getting a little skittishy, and we need to get away, and you gotta like, recharge. I go to the bathroom, my fake bathroom time. Fake P is big.

• 31:20Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, even at your place when you were playing soccer with the kids, I'm like, alright, Mark doesn't want to talk to people.

• 31:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's, it's too many spinning plates. It's like, my dad's up my ass, and the wife's pregnant, then you got, you want to entertain your friends, but then you got family.

• 31:32Sam Morril?

  That was awesome.

• 31:33Mark Normand?

  Yes, she showed up.

• 31:34Sam Morril?

  It was weird how much she drank, but you know.

• 31:37Mark Normand?

  No, the, the funnel was crazy. That was nuts.

• 31:41Sam Morril?

  That was awesome she came out.

• 31:43Mark Normand?

  She came out, yeah, she's huge. And it's, it's funny, because every girl goes right up to her, they're like, you're huge, you gotta do this, here's some baby advice, or get rid of it, or whatever it is. So this, that's, that's one good thing about having a baby, is like, it's a icebreaker.

• 31:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:59Mark Normand?

  You know, it's always something to talk about.

• 32:01Sam Morril?

  That's true. Yeah, because it is, I definitely, someone like, fuck, this is work. Some of these parties are work.

• 32:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:08Sam Morril?

  When you, Mark and I were saying, like, we were the first two there, obviously, and we're kind of like, is this gonna turn into us just like trapping ourselves in a corner?

• 32:16Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 32:17Sam Morril?

  Talking, but I think we, I think we worked the room pretty well.

• 32:19Mark Normand?

  We did a great job.

• 32:20Sam Morril?

  I think we, we did our thing.

• 32:21Mark Normand?

  And the pizzas were a hit, the drinks were a hit, and Liz is great, because Liz kicked everybody out at seven, so you're not the bad guy. She's, this fucking bitch is crazy, she's kicking everybody out, she's a cunt, and, uh, we get to look like a hero. There was a couple stragglers who wouldn't leave, by the way.

• 32:38Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 32:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm not gonna name names, but the bar was like, we're closed, you gotta go. And they were like, oh, what is that, crown molding?

• 32:49Mark Normand?

  There's always that group.

• 32:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 32:51Mark Normand?

  Even at my baby shower, there was a couple of weirdos, you're like, Aunt Flo, you gotta get out of here. Hit the bricks, bitch.

• 33:00Sam Morril?

  Aunt Flo's a big listener to this. It's gonna hurt her.

• 33:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, no. We're down to the wire.

• 33:06Sam Morril?

  She's, she's on the subway, she's just like, oh, fuck.

• 33:09Mark Normand?

  She's gonna stand in front of tracks, Indian style.

• 33:14Mark Normand?

  I heard the pod.

• 33:17Mark Normand?

  I got peeves, by the way.

• 33:18Sam Morril?

  Oh, please.

• 33:19Mark Normand?

  I've been banking them because we haven't done a solo in a while.

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  The hell was, what the hell was Herman doing in the other room?

• 33:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that Herman?

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:30Mark Normand?

  That makes sense.

• 33:31Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, but what is he doing?

• 33:32Speaker 04

  Making a drink.

• 33:34Sam Morril?

  For like 30 minutes?

• 33:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's two Bloody Marys.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Should I go check, is something cooking?

• 33:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 33:40Mark Normand?

  I'm telling you, something, maybe him and Leslie are eating each other out.

• 33:43Sam Morril?

  He's been gone a while.

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:45Sam Morril?

  Herman's got the mood.

• 33:46Mark Normand?

  He injected her.

• 33:49Mark Normand?

  All right, I got a couple here.

• 33:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:51Mark Normand?

  How about this? Some of these aren't great.

• 33:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:53Mark Normand?

  How about this one? You get into it with a guy, you know, you're kind of arguing over like, no, I'm telling you, the Bears won the Super Bowl in 85. And he's like, no, no, it was the Dolphins. And I'm like, I'll look it up. I think it was the Bears. And I go, it's the Bears. And he goes, ah, I guess you're right. No, no, I am right. There's no guessing. That's a peeve. What do you got, Les?

• 34:12Speaker 01

  I know, he's like trying to make you the cocktail of your lives out there. I don't know.

• 34:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, all right.

• 34:19Mark Normand?

  Just about.

• 34:21Sam Morril?

  Pretty good.

• 34:21Mark Normand?

  I feel, I feel like a millionaire. I'm on the million bucks.

• 34:25Sam Morril?

  I think I'm better.

• 34:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, you look better.

• 34:30Mark Normand?

  I'm all jazzed up. You want one?

• 34:31Sam Morril?

  No.

• 34:33Mark Normand?

  You're missing, this is all quality.

• 34:34Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 34:34Mark Normand?

  This is like healthy.

• 34:35Sam Morril?

  Huh.

• 34:36Mark Normand?

  Right?

• 34:37Sam Morril?

  I don't go for that.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  Healthy drugs.

• 34:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 34:39Mark Normand?

  Healthy drugs.

• 34:40Sam Morril?

  I don't think the reason we're getting it is healthy.

• 34:43Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true.

• 34:45Sam Morril?

  It is. It feels good.

• 34:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, I feel great. I'm like recharged. I'm pumped up.

• 34:51Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God, when we, when Stavi and I did this at your wedding, we were pretty hung, or I was hung over and he just wanted to get one with me.

• 34:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:59Sam Morril?

  So we're in my room and he like couldn't find a fucking vein on Stavi, so it was in his hand.

• 35:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, weird. I've never heard of that.

• 35:09Sam Morril?

  Well, he's a bigger guy.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  Normal.

• 35:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, is the hand normal?

• 35:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:12Sam Morril?

  Can you, can you do the neck if you wanted?

• 35:14Speaker 01

  They do do that.

• 35:15Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 35:17Sam Morril?

  What about like the toes?

• 35:19Mark Normand?

  Like a heroin act.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, that's more for the addicts.

• 35:22Sam Morril?

  What about like in Trainspotting? Didn't he put it in his penis in Trainspotting?

• 35:26Speaker 03

  He did.

• 35:27Mark Normand?

  He did. Was a lot of veins in the dong.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Especially yours.

• 35:30Mark Normand?

  Yes. Mine looks like a roadmap.

• 35:34Sam Morril?

  Looks like Willem Dafoe's forehead. But you can do that in the penis?

• 35:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a vein's a vein.

• 35:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's soft, I feel like you have to stay hard, probably.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  Probably have to stay hard. I tried to give blood with it once, they weren't having it.

• 35:49Mark Normand?

  Alright, how about this one for a peeve? You're talking to the guy and he's telling a story and it's already kind of a boring story and he goes, "Yeah, you know, it was December 3rd." It was the 4th. "No, no, it was the 3rd." "Or was it the 5th?" "Nah." And you're like, "None of this matters, you're just wasting my time with this." "Oh, it was the 2nd." "Hold on, let me, let me, let me check." You're like, "The date doesn't matter, just tell the story." That's a peeve.

• 36:13Sam Morril?

  That is, that is hilarious.

• 36:15Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 36:16Sam Morril?

  No one gives a shit.

• 36:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:17Sam Morril?

  The fact it was on December 24th or 25th, it doesn't...

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 36:22Sam Morril?

  I guess 20, Christmas would make it. There's a bad example on my end.

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  I get it, but yeah, they're just wasting extra time going over a thing that doesn't even matter in the first place.

• 36:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and they're already, you could tell a bad storyteller, like that's a trait of a bad storyteller.

• 36:34Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 36:35Sam Morril?

  If you're already like doing the drum roll for too long.

• 36:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 36:38Sam Morril?

  You know the story, oh god.

• 36:39Mark Normand?

  And Mr. Beast always talk about retention, because he's like a YouTube psycho and I'm thinking like, "You're losing retention, like I'm slowly fading away every, every number you don't get."

• 36:47Sam Morril?

  That was an old bit of mine, I was like, that's been shared on the internet a million times since, but like, "Oh my god, I wish you could tap someone's forehead and see how much longer."

• 36:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a great one.

• 36:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:56Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 36:58Sam Morril?

  Old school. All done.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:00Sam Morril?

  Thank you so much.

• 37:01Mark Normand?

  You took that like a champ.

• 37:02Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Wait, can you unhand your drink?

• 37:06Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 37:07Mark Normand?

  You're on the wrong pod, sister.

• 37:11Mark Normand?

  Alright, last peeve.

• 37:13Sam Morril?

  Let's hear it.

• 37:13Mark Normand?

  How about when someone comes up with an idea and then puts it on you? Alright, here's an example. They go, "Hey, Salacuse's birthday's coming up, we should get him a gift." And you're like, "Yeah, that's good, where should we get him?" "I don't know, you just had an idea, now I'm on the hook?" "You, you come up with something, it was your idea."

• 37:30Sam Morril?

  I'm always, I'm so uncreative with gifts, because I'm just like, I don't know.

• 37:33Mark Normand?

  Gifts are tough.

• 37:35Sam Morril?

  Also, now that we're getting older, most of our friends, like, most of the shit they really want, they have.

• 37:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 37:42Sam Morril?

  It's getting harder, so it's like, you're like, alright, do I go silly gift? I'm so bad with this shit.

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  I know, and then silly gift, we live in New York, so I feel like a silly gift is just like, well, this is taking up space in my apartment.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  You know what never fails is an experience. Like, I'm taking you to a Knicks game.

• 37:55Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Never fails.

• 37:56Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 37:57Sam Morril?

  That's a good move. Also, I know what I'm getting Joe List for his next birthday is a bunch of broom shit. I gotta go. Hope you like this morale.

• 38:07Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, I'm not great at it.

• 38:10Mark Normand?

  I'm not either. It's hard.

• 38:11Sam Morril?

  But also you just have to think about, like, especially with, like, women, I think, like, just think about what they like. Think about, okay, well, like, they have this, they like this type of clothing.

• 38:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:21Sam Morril?

  Like, this color. You just, you just do the math.

• 38:23Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 38:24Sam Morril?

  It comes together and they're like, oh, they need this.

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  Right. And even bigger, more broad, is you can go, hey, I got you a gift card to that clothing store.

• 38:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 38:31Mark Normand?

  Cause I don't know what the fuck to buy you.

• 38:33Sam Morril?

  Gift card's good.

• 38:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:36Sam Morril?

  Honestly, a massage is always a good gift.

• 38:37Mark Normand?

  Massage is big.

• 38:38Sam Morril?

  Acupuncture's a good, I got, I got my mom acupuncture and she loved it.

• 38:42Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 38:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 38:44Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 38:44Sam Morril?

  Big.

• 38:45Mark Normand?

  I don't know about the IV. My wife already calls me needle dick. Alright, sorry. Um, shit, yeah. The gift is tough. Huh. I think this is gonna sound slightly sexist, so buckle up.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  I was just over there.

• 39:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  You've heard the whole show.

• 39:04Sam Morril?

  But Les, it's a fun show, right? You're having a good time.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:09Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Done.

• 39:12Mark Normand?

  Go!

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Let's hear that sexist joke.

• 39:16Mark Normand?

  Okay, well, it's not even a joke, but I feel like women want things as a gift. They want a necklace, jewelry, clothes, money, whatever. I feel like, as a guy, I want less things as a gift. Like, leave me alone, don't talk to me, uh, let me go over here for a while. I feel like I wanna take away.

• 39:35Sam Morril?

  Oh, I, I pay. Wow.

• 39:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'll tell you how I feel. There we go. Oh my God, this took a half an hour? It's like fucking 10:00 PM.

• 39:46Sam Morril?

  Leslie just left.

• 39:49Sam Morril?

  Leslie, we were enjoying you.

• 39:50Mark Normand?

  Come on, hang out. You want a drink?

• 39:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:56Sam Morril?

  I like, I love less. I'm with you.

• 39:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:59Sam Morril?

  That minimalist type dude, I, I paid to get help, to, for a guy to help me move a couch out of my place yesterday. I'm like, I want less stuff in my place.

• 40:09Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 40:09Sam Morril?

  He really, look at this. He did the rim and everything.

• 40:12Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, very nice.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  By the way, we've never seen Leslie and Herman in the same room at the same time.

• 40:17Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 40:18Sam Morril?

  That is crazy.

• 40:18Mark Normand?

  This is true.

• 40:24Sam Morril?

  Ooh, this is fucking incredible.

• 40:26Mark Normand?

  That is very nice, actually.

• 40:28Sam Morril?

  I mean, I don't know if it was 30 minutes good.

• 40:30Mark Normand?

  No.

• 40:31Sam Morril?

  But it's pretty damn good.

• 40:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, did he crush the tomatoes? What the hell? Oh, alright. He's not much of an orator. I'll tell you that right now.

• 40:39Sam Morril?

  Oh my God, some of those company guys went a little long last night.

• 40:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:43Sam Morril?

  Brevity is everything in those things. We were, we did what, a minute?

• 40:46Mark Normand?

  A minute.

• 40:47Sam Morril?

  We did, Mark and I did one minute, got a couple of quick jokes off.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:50Sam Morril?

  And that was that.

• 40:51Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 40:53Sam Morril?

  We lucked out. But they were great. Those company, oh man, I love these pickles too, these things.

• 40:58Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  Cheese? And then in, in between those olives? What is that?

• 41:03Sam Morril?

  Some, some of these, some of these fucking Bloody Mary places go a little too far.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:09Sam Morril?

  Like shrimp cocktail.

• 41:12Mark Normand?

  Abort it fetus. What the hell?

• 41:15Sam Morril?

  The aborted fetus one. And they were so expensive.

• 41:18Mark Normand?

  I know. They're not available in Texas.

• 41:22Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. That is delightful.

• 41:24Sam Morril?

  That is good.

• 41:25Mark Normand?

  Mm, mm, mm, mm.

• 41:27Sam Morril?

  The Bloody Mary is one of the most special cocktails in my mind.

• 41:30Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  Guy Fieri, Bloody Mary. He's got bacon.

• 41:36Sam Morril?

  Is that lobster tails?

• 41:37Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 41:38Sam Morril?

  What the fuck?

• 41:39Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 41:40Sam Morril?

  I'm just trying to kill a hangover. I'm not trying to spend ninety dollars.

• 41:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right? I always say Guy Fieri is Anthony Bourdain if he wasn't molested.

• 41:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, that's good stuff.

• 41:56Sam Morril?

  Guy, just once, I want to see Guy Fieri give a guy a bad review.

• 41:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right?

• 42:00Sam Morril?

  He's so positive. I just want him to, just once, take a bite and be like, "Oh, what the fuck is this shit?"

• 42:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:05Sam Morril?

  Fucking horrible, you fucking idiot.

• 42:06Mark Normand?

  I know, and he goes all over the country, so you know he's, some of it he's just like forcing down, like, "Oh, it's good chili."

• 42:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god. I think the way he must, it's like the way we live, where like, some days we don't want to drink.

• 42:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:17Sam Morril?

  Odd. There's gotta be some days he's like, "I don't want to have a fucking bacon cheeseburger."

• 42:21Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 42:22Sam Morril?

  It's so much like delicious comfort food, but like, there's a limit how much he physically handle.

• 42:27Mark Normand?

  Give me a salad and a rice cake.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  The, um, New York Times reviewed the Guy Fieri restaurant in Times Square.

• 42:32Sam Morril?

  You really do the accent on that name.

• 42:34Mark Normand?

  He's a paisan.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  And, uh, it was just like a four-word review, and it said, "Worse than VD."

• 42:42Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 42:43Sam Morril?

  What restaurant is it? Which one?

• 42:44Speaker 03

  He had one in Times Square called the Guy Fieri something or other.

• 42:47Sam Morril?

  And it's gone?

• 42:48Speaker 03

  It must be, yeah.

• 42:48Sam Morril?

  Unlike my VD.

• 42:51Mark Normand?

  He should have reviewed his own restaurant, then he would have gotten a good review. "This is amazing."

• 42:56Sam Morril?

  He walks in, "This is fucking awesome." He's, uh, he is fucking, it's, it's a feel-good show, though.

• 43:02Mark Normand?

  He's a great guy. I met him once. He was cool as shit. He gave me a cigar. We drank his tequila. Super cool guy.

• 43:07Sam Morril?

  And he laughed at your Holocaust joke.

• 43:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he didn't like that one.

• 43:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, he didn't like that?

• 43:11Mark Normand?

  No, no. But, uh, he always is-

• 43:13Sam Morril?

  I say probably for the best. You don't want Guy Fieri to love Holocaust jokes.

• 43:17Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 43:18Sam Morril?

  He's too cheerful.

• 43:19Mark Normand?

  That's true, yeah. Um, he's always positive, and you know who else is always positive? The relatives on Family Feud. Somebody can give the worst answer of all time, they all go, "Good answer, good answer, good answer." Like, he just said, uh, you know, "Jews control the media," and they're like, "Yeah, good, good answer."

• 43:37Sam Morril?

  It was about dog poop, the question. I don't know why.

• 43:41Sam Morril?

  I don't know why you're doing this, yeah.

• 43:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:42Sam Morril?

  No, that, uh, that show is so positive. We, man, we gotta go on there somehow. We might be drunk crew.

• 43:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, us four?

• 43:49Sam Morril?

  That'd be pretty fun.

• 43:50Mark Normand?

  Get Leslie in there?

• 43:51Sam Morril?

  Leslie, you gotta come with, we gotta get Leslie a drink.

• 43:53Mark Normand?

  Get her a drink!

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm getting a drink right now.

• 43:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, great, well.

• 43:57Sam Morril?

  Leslie's hanging.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  I hope you can stay for forty-five minutes.

• 43:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. Good luck. Uh, are you, are you off the clock now? I mean.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 44:06Sam Morril?

  She's gonna show up loaded to the next person? She just sticks it in their fucking leg?

• 44:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, fuck!

• 44:13Speaker 01

  I'm gonna try one of those penis IVs.

• 44:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 44:18Sam Morril?

  Penis IVs, dude, those are the best.

• 44:20Mark Normand?

  Woo, no thank you.

• 44:22Speaker 03

  Um, Sammy, you got any peeves?

• 44:24Sam Morril?

  Let me see, I wrote some down.

• 44:26Mark Normand?

  I think I might have one more even.

• 44:27Sam Morril?

  I mean, yeah, I gotta, I gotta get my peeves cooking.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  While he's digging around, what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?

• 44:33Sam Morril?

  Just family stuff.

• 44:34Mark Normand?

  Going to New Orleans, got a bunch of shows lined up, doing the orpheum.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  Going to New Orleans?

• 44:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we're all going.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  She gotta be seven months pregnant.

• 44:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:42Speaker 03

  I don't think you're supposed to fly after...

• 44:43Mark Normand?

  We went to the doctor yesterday as a, as a family. And, uh, they said you're not supposed to fly only because they worry that you'll be in midair or whatever with a problem. And I was like, it's a two and a half hour flight. I'm from New Orleans, I know the doctor there, we'll be good.

• 45:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, I gotta pee for you.

• 45:01Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 45:02Sam Morril?

  Uh, they wake us up, when we're coming home, I get the phone call from the front desk at eight forty-five AM. Uh, hey, we're bringing a gift bag up. I was, dude, you woke me up, I had a late night, I had to do the thing, and he goes, "Oh, okay," and I'm like, no, it's not, I mean, it's not cool to call this early, and he goes, "All right, all right," and then I text Ronnie, "Did they wake you up?" And he goes, "They fucking woke me up." Well, that was a peeve.

• 45:25Mark Normand?

  That's a good one.

• 45:26Sam Morril?

  But then I'm like, you know what, maybe it'll be, you know, "Can't wait to see these, uh, this gift bag," I open it, it's all Bruins shit.

• 45:31Mark Normand?

  Ah, more Bruins!

• 45:33Sam Morril?

  Bruins!

• 45:34Mark Normand?

  Jesus!

• 45:36Sam Morril?

  No, but that was, that was very generous, I'll give it to, my dad's a Boston morale, I can give him the jersey.

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 45:42Sam Morril?

  He wears a lot of Boston jerseys.

• 45:45Sam Morril?

  A late seventies year old man wears a lot of sports jerseys out. That's his outfit.

• 45:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, no, I'm with you on the wake up, just leave it outside the hotel or put it in the lobby.

• 45:53Sam Morril?

  No one's stealing the box.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  What is a Bruin?

• 45:56Sam Morril?

  I don't know what a Bruin is.

• 45:57Mark Normand?

  I think it's a knight, like a knight of some kind.

• 45:59Sam Morril?

  Is it?

• 46:00Mark Normand?

  I made that up.

• 46:01Sam Morril?

  Alright, look at you. You got the computer. Oh my god, I'm going on stage and Lenny Clark, hilarious guy from Boston. He's in Meatwally Sparks with Dangerfield. He walks up to me, he goes, "Dude, I love your Cat Williams impression."

• 46:12Mark Normand?

  Oh wow.

• 46:13Sam Morril?

  And I was like, "Oh, I think you think I'm Dan Soe."

• 46:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:16Sam Morril?

  And he goes, "Oh shit, I'm so sorry." He goes, "Well, I love you on The Daily Show." I go, "Now I think you think I'm Ronnie Chang." But you're getting colder here.

• 46:23Mark Normand?

  What, Michael Costa? Who would that be?

• 46:25Sam Morril?

  I don't know. I think he just, I think he just confused. What is it?

• 46:29Speaker 03

  It says, uh, the Bruins is a team nickname, uh, the name for brown bears.

• 46:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, used in folk tales.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  It's a smashed up version of brown bears.

• 46:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  And you're right, they were used in classic folk tales, these brown bears, so.

• 46:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, I wouldn't wait off.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  Brown bears is Bruins.

• 46:50Mark Normand?

  Bruin. Bruin, brown bear.

• 46:52Sam Morril?

  It sounds kinda cool, though.

• 46:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, alright.

• 46:55Sam Morril?

  That arena is beautiful.

• 46:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's classic.

• 46:59Mark Normand?

  There's some bad sports names out there. Pelicans? That stinks.

• 47:03Sam Morril?

  It's awful.

• 47:04Mark Normand?

  Awful name.

• 47:05Sam Morril?

  They're not intimidating.

• 47:06Mark Normand?

  No.

• 47:07Sam Morril?

  Like annoying, weird looking. They look like fucking, I don't even know what they are. They look like, they look like tweakers who don't eat. They don't look like a scary.

• 47:16Mark Normand?

  No, no, they got that Mitch McConnell thing going, that flappy jowl.

• 47:21Sam Morril?

  They all just had a stroke. What's, yeah, what's a cool, like, what's a cool name?

• 47:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:26Sam Morril?

  The Orlando Magic's pretty rough.

• 47:28Mark Normand?

  That's no good. Denver Nuggets isn't great either.

• 47:30Sam Morril?

  I guess, but at least it has some, like, significance.

• 47:32Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true.

• 47:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  What, like? Yeah.

• 47:38Mark Normand?

  We won't tell anybody.

• 47:41Sam Morril?

  Good?

• 47:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:44Sam Morril?

  It is?

• 47:45Mark Normand?

  No, that was just a photo.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  All right.

• 47:50Mark Normand?

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• 48:32Mark Normand?

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• 48:52Sam Morril?

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• 49:34Sam Morril?

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• 49:44Speaker 03

  So I'm gonna tag your thing, Sam, about getting woken up. Airplanes, when you're coming in for a landing, especially on an overnight flight, what the fuck are you waking us up for?

• 49:54Mark Normand?

  Well, you gotta get off.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  No, no, they're like, "We're coming in for a landing, please..." You know, they check your seat belts and if you have a blanket on, they wake you up to make sure you have a seatbelt on.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. And you might have the seat back.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they make you...

• 50:06Sam Morril?

  That's probably why they're doing that. That one kinda makes a little sense to me, but... I do hate when they wake you up to like feed you or something like hey.

• 50:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 50:14Sam Morril?

  And you're like, I'm sleeping.

• 50:15Mark Normand?

  Yes. That was one of the first first class flights I ever took. Uh, what's his name? Conick. Harry Conick Jr. Was on it. And I was like, whoa, Harry Conick. He's like a legend in New Orleans. He is like Elvis in New Orleans. And he was on the flight and he was sleepy. So he's like, don't bother me. I'm going to bed. And he slept through the whole flight. And I remember being like, wow. Imagine being so rich, you turn down a meal. That blew my mind. I couldn't believe I'm like, everything on first class. I'm like, give me the nuts. Give me the coffee. Give me the booze. Give me the food. Give me the snacks.

• 50:47Sam Morril?

  Those warm nuts.

• 50:48Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 50:49Sam Morril?

  Why don't we ever do those at home? Those are incredible.

• 50:50Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 50:51Sam Morril?

  I got a microwave.

• 50:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:53Sam Morril?

  Put some nuts in there. That's all they're doing, right?

• 50:55Mark Normand?

  I guess, yeah. Maybe an oven. But yeah. But he turned down the food because he was sleeping. And I was like, that guy has made it.

• 51:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I mean, I think he, I think he's rich enough that he could just eat whatever he wants.

• 51:05Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you a fun move on first class. I was on once with Gillis. He fell asleep and the lady came by and she goes, you want the food? I go, can I have his? And she was like, I guess. So I got two meals. Suck it, Harry.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  You made it.

• 51:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, those, those, they can, they're kind of good, but there's never like a healthy option, I noticed. It's always like, you order like a frittata. It's like a block of cheese.

• 51:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 51:30Sam Morril?

  We sound, we sound fucking annoying now. We're complaining about first class.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  I heard a hack though. If you order the kosher meal, it's healthy.

• 51:36Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 51:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:37Sam Morril?

  God, isn't that a little on the nose for me though?

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Very much on the nose.

• 51:41Mark Normand?

  I ordered a kosher meal. There's a lot of room on that nose too.

• 51:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You know what else is nice is the hot towel.

• 51:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 51:54Mark Normand?

  I love a hot towel. We don't do that at home either.

• 51:56Sam Morril?

  A lot of nice stuff we never do at home.

• 51:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:58Sam Morril?

  You could do it easily.

• 51:59Mark Normand?

  I know. Put a hot towel or put a wet towel in the microwave.

• 52:03Sam Morril?

  It's nice.

• 52:04Mark Normand?

  You know, you know what is gross though? My dad used to do a foot bath.

• 52:08Sam Morril?

  That's weird.

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  That was.

• 52:10Sam Morril?

  Just like a little bucket?

• 52:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, bucket of hot water. And he was like, ah, had a long day. I'm like, you're a psycho. My dad was a psycho. He drank hot Schlitz, which is like a horrible beer.

• 52:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like a malt liquor, isn't it?

• 52:23Mark Normand?

  Ah, it was in a can. Maybe it was Schaefer. It was Schaefer. Look up Schaefer beer with a C.

• 52:27Sam Morril?

  Schlitz is pretty, I mean, they're all pretty bad, but like.

• 52:31Mark Normand?

  That was it. He would put a case of that on the floor and drink them warm. After a long day of work. And then he would eat cereal with whatever liquid was in the fridge. So he would, you know, he'd have cereal, we'd be out of milk, and he's like, what else we got? And he'd pour grape juice in the cereal and eat it.

• 52:47Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 52:47Mark Normand?

  And I was like, what are you doing?

• 52:48Sam Morril?

  That's fucking awful.

• 52:49Mark Normand?

  I just need sustenance. I was like, wow, you're like a real man.

• 52:53Sam Morril?

  I don't know, it makes him a real man.

• 52:54Mark Normand?

  Well, he just didn't care. He could just force feed himself. It's just he needed food and he needed fuel.

• 52:59Sam Morril?

  Warm beer is fucking gross.

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  He was gross. Not to mention, he's wearing a robe with no underwear the whole time.

• 53:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, god.

• 53:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Sounds like a fucking nightmare.

• 53:09Mark Normand?

  It was bad. And then he's like, someone's banging on the door, we're gonna kick their ass.

• 53:13Sam Morril?

  His dick's flapping around, he's beating up a little girl.

• 53:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, and he crossed his legs. It was like, basic instinct. It was rough.

• 53:21Sam Morril?

  Instinct's alright. Man, Sharon Stone back in the day.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm bringing it up right now.

• 53:27Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 53:28Mark Normand?

  I've rewatched it about 9,000 times. You see Pub and that's it.

• 53:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 53:34Mark Normand?

  Pull it up!

• 53:35Sam Morril?

  She should come on. I feel like she'd be a good guest in here. She's probably got stories, man.

• 53:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, her in Casino is an amazing performance.

• 53:41Sam Morril?

  Incredible.

• 53:42Mark Normand?

  Incredible.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  How about, uh, Joe Pesci when she's crying? She's like, I just said, he's like, I know, I know. Which, I've tried, it doesn't work.

• 53:53Sam Morril?

  It is hilarious that Newman's hitting hard in this scene.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  Wayne Knight.

• 53:56Sam Morril?

  Most random.

• 53:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I think they, uh, parodied that in Seinfeld at one point.

• 54:06Sam Morril?

  Hold on. This is a pretty bad movie, but it's also directed by Paul Verhoeven, who like, makes movies that should be bad, but they're kinda awesome, like,

• 54:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:14Sam Morril?

  He made Robocop.

• 54:15Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 54:15Sam Morril?

  That movie should not have been as awesome as it was.

• 54:17Mark Normand?

  No, he made it gruesome.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  Star, Star, Starship Trooper?

• 54:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 54:22Sam Morril?

  That's another one that like, it's like, on the surface, looks like shit, and then you're like, it's actually a pretty good movie.

• 54:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Denise.

• 54:28Sam Morril?

  Go. There we go.

• 54:29Mark Normand?

  Newman. We, this tape, we had the VHS tape, that shit was run through.

• 54:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 54:38Mark Normand?

  Noobin is so good.

• 54:42Sam Morril?

  Boom. Oh my god, that's on YouTube?

• 54:44Mark Normand?

  Wait, they blurred it.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  I guess it's on YouTube.

• 54:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I'm telling you, you can't see it. I've watched this 900 times.

• 54:49Sam Morril?

  Dude, Michael Douglas in the 90s was just in every fuck thriller.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah. Disclosure.

• 54:55Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, Rob Shimmel used to have the best bit about that. You know his bit where like, uh, uh, Demi Moore said to him, "If you don't let me suck your dick, you're fired." He's like, "Right then is when the UFO should start landing."

• 55:09Sam Morril?

  He was, Robert Shimmel was the best.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  He was so underrated.

• 55:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah dude, every 90s movie was just, uh...

• 55:16Mark Normand?

  First class. Oh, what a beast. Was he socks? Oh, that's nice.

• 55:22Sam Morril?

  Your jockstrap, thank you. Look at that right here.

• 55:25Mark Normand?

  Denise, I mean, uh, Denise, what's her name? Leslie wants one.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  I actually want my IV pulled back.

• 55:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good stuff.

• 55:34Sam Morril?

  Ooh, sorry, Michael, let me get that out.

• 55:35Mark Normand?

  Why don't we do this every night, huh?

• 55:36Sam Morril?

  This is nice.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  I'm doing this at home. How'd you do it? Microwave?

• 55:40Sam Morril?

  Damn, this is good. Why don't we do this?

• 55:41Mark Normand?

  I don't know.

• 55:42Sam Morril?

  I liked it.

• 55:43Mark Normand?

  The airplanes are on to something.

• 55:45Sam Morril?

  They're not bad.

• 55:46Mark Normand?

  Shimmel, the ultimate schlub.

• 55:47Sam Morril?

  I loved him.

• 55:48Mark Normand?

  Demi and List had a good point, or he had a good point, and I followed it. Think about SNL. We saw Bill Burr at The Cellar. He's running an SNL monologue and it's killer.

• 55:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:58Mark Normand?

  It's like, lights out, so funny. How many comedians you think were on SNL in the 90s, in that decade?

• 56:05Sam Morril?

  Standups?

• 56:06Mark Normand?

  Standup only. And I'm not talking like Jim Carrey, who used to do standup.

• 56:10Sam Morril?

  Standup only? I would guess zero.

• 56:13Mark Normand?

  Well, you do movies, but you're mostly a touring standup comedian.

• 56:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't-

• 56:18Speaker 03

  Jerry Seinfeld did it.

• 56:19Sam Morril?

  Jerry?

• 56:20Mark Normand?

  That's one.

• 56:20Sam Morril?

  That's one, okay.

• 56:21Mark Normand?

  I'm talking the whole 10 years 90s.

• 56:23Sam Morril?

  Chris Rock.

• 56:24Mark Normand?

  That's two.

• 56:24Sam Morril?

  Norm?

• 56:25Mark Normand?

  Nope.

• 56:26Sam Morril?

  Norm was the-

• 56:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, he didn't do it, but he was a cast member, I don't count.

• 56:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, okay. Norm, Rock, who else? Um, Bernie Mac, did he host?

• 56:34Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 56:35Sam Morril?

  I'm looking at the wall of death right now.

• 56:37Mark Normand?

  Roseanne hosted too, but it was because her show was so popular.

• 56:40Sam Morril?

  But she, but she was a comic.

• 56:41Mark Normand?

  She was a comic.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  I bet Rodney did it in the 80s.

• 56:45Sam Morril?

  80s, probably.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  I don't remember if she-

• 56:47Sam Morril?

  Did he do the 90s?

• 56:48Mark Normand?

  Mm-mm. We looked it up.

• 56:51Sam Morril?

  Damn, uh...

• 56:52Mark Normand?

  The third one is a bit of a-

• 56:55Sam Morril?

  Ellen?

• 56:55Mark Normand?

  No. It was Dice.

• 56:58Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 56:59Mark Normand?

  But, that's so few, and now it's like-

• 57:01Sam Morril?

  They're tinkering with his set. Lauren's like, "You can't say 'suck my cock' in the monologues."

• 57:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're gonna kill- So we looked it up the last 10 years. Schumer did it three times, Malaney's done it five or six. Vargazzi, two, Burr, two, Aziz, Louis, four.

• 57:18Sam Morril?

  Gillis?

• 57:19Mark Normand?

  Gillis, yeah. And then there was another, Chappelle's done it a bunch of times and...

• 57:25Sam Morril?

  Sandler?

• 57:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Kumail.

• 57:28Sam Morril?

  Oh Kumail, okay.

• 57:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, just saying, it's crazy how, that shows how far, how popular comedy is now compared to what it used to be. Or stand-up comedy, I should say.

• 57:37Sam Morril?

  Gerard Carmichael?

• 57:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Good point.

• 57:41Sam Morril?

  A lot.

• 57:41Mark Normand?

  I gotta say, I saw him at the cellar that night, he killed, he had great stuff.

• 57:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah?

• 57:45Mark Normand?

  I think he's really, uh, coming into his own as a gay man. He was really funny.

• 57:53Sam Morril?

  This is fucking...

• 57:54Mark Normand?

  Goes down easy.

• 57:57Sam Morril?

  Just like Peanut the squirrel.

• 58:00Speaker 03

  You think Peanut had any effect on the election?

• 58:02Sam Morril?

  No.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  I think he did.

• 58:04Sam Morril?

  I don't think so. I think Trump is winning no matter what.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:09Mark Normand?

  Okay. What about the Eating the Pets? Eating the Pets?

• 58:13Sam Morril?

  I don't think so.

• 58:15Mark Normand?

  What about the Rogan Pod?

• 58:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think, I think podcasts help.

• 58:24Mark Normand?

  Forty-five million views.

• 58:25Sam Morril?

  I think...

• 58:25Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 58:26Sam Morril?

  Look how, you know, look, we went out to a couple of people who turned us down, who were political figures, who we were like, you should come on, but if we're, if Mark and I are promoting a stand-up special, we're not just going on CBS.

• 58:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  Right.

• 58:40Sam Morril?

  We're like, let's get on every pod we can to promote it, you know?

• 58:43Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 58:44Sam Morril?

  That's where you see a lot of, like RFK went on Tiger Belly.

• 58:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 58:48Sam Morril?

  You gotta go on, I mean, he went, it's a bad example, but like, it's about kind of reaching a mass audience, and if you have enough belief in yourself, you gotta fucking do it.

• 58:57Mark Normand?

  I agree. I mean, it's the same with us. We don't want to go play, uh, insert town here, but you go. You go, you do a set and you get the hell out of there.

• 59:08Mark Normand?

  You know, you gotta campaign.

• 59:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 59:10Mark Normand?

  I mean, like, I remember Hillary wouldn't go to some, some town, and Rock's like, "You gotta go to Cleveland." "You think I wanna go to Cleveland? I don't wanna go, but you gotta go." And that's how, that's how he feels about her, like, you gotta go everywhere.

• 59:23Sam Morril?

  Well, it's like, the way Hillary was with not visiting certain parts of the country, I feel like Kamala was kinda about going on certain podcasts.

• 59:30Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 59:31Sam Morril?

  You know, it's...

• 59:31Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 59:32Sam Morril?

  You gotta play the game.

• 59:33Mark Normand?

  You gotta get out of your bubble.

• 59:34Sam Morril?

  Gotta get out of your bubble.

• 59:35Mark Normand?

  The bubble's already...

• 59:35Sam Morril?

  You want votes.

• 59:36Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 59:37Sam Morril?

  And that's all the political talk we'll do here.

• 59:39Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 59:40Sam Morril?

  It's fucking...

• 59:41Mark Normand?

  He brought it up.

• 59:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, thanks, by the way.

• 59:44Speaker 03

  Um, Hak Tua got...

• 59:47Sam Morril?

  I said, "No more politics."

• 59:49Speaker 03

  Seventy-five thousand write-in votes.

• 59:51Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 59:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow, guilty.

• 59:55Sam Morril?

  Well, people are really stupid.

• 59:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:58Sam Morril?

  Why you going to write that in?

• 1:00:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right? You had to wait in line for that.

• 1:00:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Mark Normand?

  And no one sees it. I guess they count it. Well, I love the picture of the old lady at the church, like, "Hak Tua?"

• 1:00:12Sam Morril?

  Somehow she wins, so, "Sorry, she got more votes than Trump. She's mayor. Hak Tua is president." President Hak Tua.

• 1:00:20Mark Normand?

  I remember Matthew Broussard had the joke with Kamala, but it was like, "She's blowing everybody." He was like, "She's War Hak Tua."

• 1:00:28Mark Normand?

  I think he had that joke.

• 1:00:30Sam Morril?

  I mean, yeah, it's so fucking, that'd be so, that's a great movie, right there. Netanyahu has to call and congratulate Hak Tua. "I always believed in you."

• 1:00:39Mark Normand?

  Imagine her going to see Putin, he's like, "You want me to stop the nukes?" Pulls a Joe Pesci.

• 1:00:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, man.

• 1:00:49Mark Normand?

  Who, is she seeing anyone now? Because just, all you can think about is her spitting on dicks, cuz that's like her, literally, her name is Hak Tua.

• 1:00:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, she didn't really do much to get away with it. It's cuz the podcast is called Talk Tua.

• 1:01:01Mark Normand?

  Exactly. She's riding the wave, she's smart. No romantic relationship, alright.

• 1:01:06Sam Morril?

  I feel like in like, 15 years, she's gonna date the Rizler. Let's make...

• 1:01:11Sam Morril?

  Make it all come around.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  She's potentially dating someone named Pookie.

• 1:01:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, good.

• 1:01:16Sam Morril?

  Chris Rock in New Jack City?

• 1:01:21Sam Morril?

  That was the only you selling. No one else will ever.

• 1:01:25Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Wow, pokey. Well, but imagine hooking up with her and she doesn't spit on your dick.

• 1:01:30Sam Morril?

  You'd be a little upset.

• 1:01:31Mark Normand?

  You'd be a little upset.

• 1:01:31Sam Morril?

  A little upset.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's like going out with a comic and they don't make you laugh.

• 1:01:35Sam Morril?

  I know. There he is.

• 1:01:37Mark Normand?

  Wow. That is quite a crack.

• 1:01:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah. You're on a date and you're like, I had a lot of fun. And he's like, yeah, me too, but you didn't do the thing.

• 1:01:49Sam Morril?

  You didn't talk to her.

• 1:01:50Mark Normand?

  There's that whole Seinfeld episode where he's dating a masseuse and she won't massage him.

• 1:01:53Sam Morril?

  That's a great up.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  What the hell? It's a great up.

• 1:01:54Sam Morril?

  Young Coolidge.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's right. Young Coolidge.

• 1:01:57Sam Morril?

  The end where he just makes her give like.

• 1:01:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and she doesn't consent.

• 1:02:03Sam Morril?

  That was a great up.

• 1:02:04Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:02:05Sam Morril?

  Damn. Damn. Crack.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  Chris Rock.

• 1:02:07Sam Morril?

  Chris Rock in a dramatic role.

• 1:02:09Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:02:09Sam Morril?

  Like early on. Yeah.

• 1:02:11Mark Normand?

  This must have been huge for him to get this as a young comic.

• 1:02:14Sam Morril?

  New Jack City's kind of fun.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  And then he made CB4 After This.

• 1:02:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah. The last line. Ice T in the end, holding the gun to Wesley Snipes, I'm gonna shoot you so bad my dick is hard. One of the old time. Fucking ridiculous. Some screenwriter was like, I got it.

• 1:02:33Mark Normand?

  So wait, Ice T killed a guy, right? Killed a cop?

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  No, he wrote a song called Cop Killer. Yes, he wrote a song called Cop Killer.

• 1:02:40Mark Normand?

  But who killed? Somebody killed a cop?

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Uh, Tupac shot a cop.

• 1:02:44Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  But got off because the cops were off duty and drunk and shot at him first.

• 1:02:49Mark Normand?

  Whoa. What's the story on that?

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  It was, I think it was down south. Hold on.

• 1:02:54Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 1:02:55Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  Drunk cops, off duty?

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:58Mark Normand?

  Shooting at people?

• 1:03:01Sam Morril?

  Thirty years ago today. Anything wrong in this country?

• 1:03:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Did Tupac not have an axe?

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  Is that thirty years ago today?

• 1:03:09Sam Morril?

  Man, Tupac was a badass.

• 1:03:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  He shot two off-duty police officers.

• 1:03:14Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  Am I wrong? I think his mom was a black or his dad was a Black Panther.

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  His mom was.

• 1:03:18Mark Normand?

  His mom was black and his dad was like a professor.

• 1:03:21Sam Morril?

  He was at a, he was a day thing.

• 1:03:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez.

• 1:03:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:24Mark Normand?

  Well, he grew up in a middle-class family.

• 1:03:26Sam Morril?

  I don't think he did.

• 1:03:29Mark Normand?

  A Kamala line.

• 1:03:30Sam Morril?

  I know, I know.

• 1:03:34Mark Normand?

  Maybe Chappelle's mom was a professor.

• 1:03:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, both his parents.

• 1:03:37Mark Normand?

  Okay, there we go. There we go. Why'd he shoot the cops? Or why'd they shoot him?

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  The Whitewells, I think their brother, were visibly intoxicated and Tupac responded to the drawn gun by pulling his own. Then Mark Whitwell smashed Tupac's car window with the butt of his pistol. Tupac fired three shots from his 9mm. Two of the bullets hit the Whitewells. Uh, Mark was shot in the abdomen and the brother in the butt. They brought him up on charges, but he beat it.

• 1:04:04Sam Morril?

  That's pretty badass.

• 1:04:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Sam Morril?

  The fact that you, you're a black man in America in the 90s, you get shot by, you shoot two cops and you get off?

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13Sam Morril?

  You get some bragging rights.

• 1:04:14Speaker 03

  In Atlanta.

• 1:04:14Sam Morril?

  In Atlanta.

• 1:04:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Damn.

• 1:04:18Sam Morril?

  Tupac's so fucking good.

• 1:04:19Mark Normand?

  He was good.

• 1:04:20Sam Morril?

  His, like, Me Against the World, All Eyes on Me, those albums are like fucking flawless.

• 1:04:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. My ex had a real crush on, she had a poster of him in her, in her room. Very intimidating.

• 1:04:29Speaker 03

  Have you ever seen, this is pretty funny.

• 1:04:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's hilarious. Prestation, though.

• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  So this is when the race war is happening and I gotta shoot Tony Hawk and it's this thing from here and then Tony Hawk responded.

• 1:04:41Sam Morril?

  I love that.

• 1:04:43Mark Normand?

  Tony Hawk Tua.

• 1:04:43Sam Morril?

  Oh! I knew it was coming. He's a, he's a fan of your...

• 1:04:47Mark Normand?

  I know!

• 1:04:48Sam Morril?

  Of your skateboarding.

• 1:04:49Mark Normand?

  We gotta get him on. He did fucking Are You Garbage, that queef. Get in here, Tony.

• 1:04:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he, I mean, that was cool as hell. Tony Hawk shouts out Norman on his pod.

• 1:04:58Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:04:59Sam Morril?

  They go, what, who's a comedian who can skateboard? And he goes, Mark Norman.

• 1:05:03Mark Normand?

  That was...

• 1:05:03Sam Morril?

  That's fucking crazy.

• 1:05:04Mark Normand?

  I have his, uh, I did his podcast and he signed my, uh, he signed a deck for me and it's up on my wall in my room.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  Wait, today?

• 1:05:11Mark Normand?

  No, no, years ago.

• 1:05:12Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:05:12Mark Normand?

  But I have the deck on my wall and the wife hates it. She's like, oh, what are you, nine? We got a skateboard on our wall?

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  You got so much space in that new place. It's like, it's like, how do you decorate it?

• 1:05:22Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. We're buying end tables and throw rugs.

• 1:05:25Sam Morril?

  That bedroom is fucking huge.

• 1:05:27Mark Normand?

  Huge!

• 1:05:27Sam Morril?

  You gotta figure out something cool for that.

• 1:05:29Mark Normand?

  I know, I'm thinking of a half-pipe. A whole mini ramp, maybe a batting cage.

• 1:05:34Sam Morril?

  Maybe get a ramp down to the back.

• 1:05:35Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:05:36Sam Morril?

  Like a superhero.

• 1:05:37Mark Normand?

  That'd be great.

• 1:05:38Sam Morril?

  A pole?

• 1:05:39Mark Normand?

  Oh my god, or a zip line.

• 1:05:41Sam Morril?

  Dude.

• 1:05:41Mark Normand?

  Woo, I love a zip line.

• 1:05:43Sam Morril?

  Are the new neighbors cool? Have you met them yet?

• 1:05:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's a British black guy and his wife, and they're super cool, and uh... The Indian guy above him, we had dinner with them, they were awesome.

• 1:05:53Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:05:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so...

• 1:05:54Sam Morril?

  That's huge.

• 1:05:55Mark Normand?

  Dude, trick or treating in my neighborhood was amazing. I sat out there with the bowl and I was giving it out. What are you supposed to be?

• 1:06:00Sam Morril?

  Letting all the kids smoke it?

• 1:06:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:04Mark Normand?

  And uh, we just had a great time. Thank you, Les.

• 1:06:07Sam Morril?

  Les, thank you so much. Appreciate it.

• 1:06:09Mark Normand?

  Comedy.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  Break the fourth wall real quick?

• 1:06:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:11Speaker 03

  Um, we can cut, but Jack canceled?

• 1:06:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, he did?

• 1:06:17Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  So we can stop here and start a new one, or just finish this one?

• 1:06:23Sam Morril?

  Let's not do two solo apps, let's just keep rocking.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  Okay, let's keep going.

• 1:06:25Mark Normand?

  Why don't we get dinner?

• 1:06:28Sam Morril?

  Where should we go?

• 1:06:29Mark Normand?

  Let's go, we can get Chinese, we can get a Thai, steaks?

• 1:06:32Speaker 03

  I found a place right across the street, it's an Italian joint.

• 1:06:36Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  Or we can get Chinese.

• 1:06:37Mark Normand?

  Whatever, whatever you guys want. It's on Peters.

• 1:06:41Sam Morril?

  How much longer do you think we should run? You cut all this, right?

• 1:06:43Mark Normand?

  We can bring Herman too, if he wants.

• 1:06:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, leave it all in, this is fun stuff. A little behind the scenes.

• 1:06:50Sam Morril?

  It's good din-din.

• 1:06:50Mark Normand?

  I think Les was into you.

• 1:06:52Sam Morril?

  No, I don't.

• 1:06:52Mark Normand?

  I was watching her watch you.

• 1:06:54Sam Morril?

  Nah, I don't think so.

• 1:06:55Mark Normand?

  Alright, hey, we got gifts!

• 1:06:59Sam Morril?

  Which one is which? Oh, alright, this is you. Bodega Cat merch to make it look like the Knicks, we need a collab! Karl Anthony Towns, hey, if you're listening to this, tag Karl Anthony Towns on Instagram and tell, or Twitter, whatever, tell him to fucking get in touch with us and let's do some fun Bodega Cat... Uh...

• 1:07:20Mark Normand?

  Really cool, thank you.

• 1:07:23Sam Morril?

  On the pile.

• 1:07:23Mark Normand?

  Who made these? Is this you, Peter?

• 1:07:26Sam Morril?

  Whoa, this is cool, man. He made Mark look like, uh...

• 1:07:29Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:07:30Sam Morril?

  This was...

• 1:07:32Mark Normand?

  What am I, Post Malone?

• 1:07:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:33Mark Normand?

  Post Alone.

• 1:07:34Sam Morril?

  Jelly Roll.

• 1:07:37Mark Normand?

  Smelly Roll.

• 1:07:38Sam Morril?

  Lowcase Mark. This is... We need this in the studio. Holy shit. Anthony Mason with Bodega Cat?

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:07:45Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 1:07:45Mark Normand?

  That's killer.

• 1:07:46Sam Morril?

  One of my favorite Knicks ever. I love Mace. Damn, these are great, dude.

• 1:07:51Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:07:52Sam Morril?

  These guys right here. Look at that.

• 1:07:53Mark Normand?

  Hey, alright, the kids.

• 1:07:57Sam Morril?

  We Might Be Drunk, thanks so much for sharing my New York Knicks-inspired Bodega Cat logo with the fun Carl Anthony Towns graphic design illustration. I'm so glad you guys liked and shared. I'm a huge fan of We Might Be Drunk, so receiving recognition and support from my favorite comedians is a surreal feeling. As a thank you, I'm sending Mark and Sam some cool Bodega Cat Knicks t-shirts I designed.

• 1:08:15Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 1:08:16Sam Morril?

  Also included are a bunch of creative prints I've designed from past podcast stand-up tour, yada, yada, yada. As well as some vintage Knicks prints. I'd love to design more projects in the future. Nick Buccielli. Thank you, Nick.

• 1:08:29Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:08:29Sam Morril?

  Also included some prints for Joe List as more cool Buccielli streetwear t-shirts I designed on my site. I love it, man. I love your creativity, so, uh, man, really cool.

• 1:08:39Mark Normand?

  Really cool. Thank you, Nick.

• 1:08:41Sam Morril?

  This is epic, dude. Holy shit. Look at that.

• 1:08:44Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:08:44Sam Morril?

  Anthony Mason.

• 1:08:45Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:08:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow. Look at this. We gotta tag Carl Anthony Towns on this shit.

• 1:08:50Mark Normand?

  He sent all this stuff, Nick?

• 1:08:51Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:08:52Mark Normand?

  Jeez, that's a lot of framing and glass and photo. This guy really did the work. Give him a big shout out. Nick Buccielli.

• 1:08:59Sam Morril?

  This is a lot of shit. Oh, Mark, this is pretty cool. Look at this.

• 1:09:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:09:03Sam Morril?

  You don't say. Look at that.

• 1:09:04Mark Normand?

  That's amazing.

• 1:09:05Sam Morril?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:09:06Mark Normand?

  The State Theater. This is, uh, www.nickbuccielli.com.

• 1:09:11Sam Morril?

  Cool Hand Joe. These are amazing.

• 1:09:12Mark Normand?

  Wow! These are great.

• 1:09:15Sam Morril?

  These are epic.

• 1:09:16Mark Normand?

  Ah! Get a Sam in there. What is this? It's getting awkward.

• 1:09:19Sam Morril?

  I feel like it's... Oh, there's one in there for me.

• 1:09:21Mark Normand?

  Okay, great.

• 1:09:22Sam Morril?

  Joe List, the outlaw Joe List. These are amazing, dude.

• 1:09:24Mark Normand?

  These are great, Nick.

• 1:09:25Sam Morril?

  See what we got here?

• 1:09:27Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 1:09:28Sam Morril?

  Class act tour. Oh, Minneapolis. It's beautiful. I love...

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 1:09:31Sam Morril?

  Thank you. Thank you, Nick.

• 1:09:32Mark Normand?

  With the snow.

• 1:09:34Sam Morril?

  I love it. Mark, Mark, he's obsessed with you right here.

• 1:09:38Mark Normand?

  Jeez.

• 1:09:39Sam Morril?

  This is great. This is like an 80s comedy.

• 1:09:41Mark Normand?

  You know what? That's a knockoff is the Seinfeld Playboy. Pull that up. The Playboy cover with the phone booth.

• 1:09:47Sam Morril?

  He's sent two of these. We gotta get him to sign one. Here's another one of you and Joe. You gotta use it for your studio there. Look at that.

• 1:09:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 1:09:53Sam Morril?

  I love it, man.

• 1:09:53Mark Normand?

  All right, we'll get them out of here.

• 1:09:55Sam Morril?

  Thank you, Nick.

• 1:09:55Mark Normand?

  Thank you, Nick. What a beast. Great artist.

• 1:09:59Sam Morril?

  I love it.

• 1:09:59Mark Normand?

  There it is. That's a classic.

• 1:10:01Sam Morril?

  Framing. Holy shit.

• 1:10:03Mark Normand?

  That was the 90s, folks. We had a good run, didn't we? Girls of the Pac-10. What is the Pac-10?

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  I think it's a group of 10 schools. That's my guess.

• 1:10:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're right. Oh, Rhonda Shear.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  You know Rhonda Shear?

• 1:10:17Mark Normand?

  Of course. Oh, USA Up All Night.

• 1:10:19Sam Morril?

  I don't know who that is.

• 1:10:20Mark Normand?

  Wesley Snipes interview.

• 1:10:25Sam Morril?

  I feel like there's a fun app, though.

• 1:10:26Mark Normand?

  You know Rhonda Shear. USA Up All Night.

• 1:10:29Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, I do.

• 1:10:30Mark Normand?

  She was a playmate in the 80s.

• 1:10:31Sam Morril?

  I don't know who that is.

• 1:10:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, she was a hot blonde. Very Milfie.

• 1:10:36Sam Morril?

  Let me see what other peeves I got. God, this is a peeve.

• 1:10:38Mark Normand?

  Hit me.

• 1:10:39Sam Morril?

  Late night diners in New York being no more.

• 1:10:42Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:10:43Sam Morril?

  This is kill. I was out with friends the other night and we were trying to, it was like 1:30 a.m. They kept pushing this fucking, you know, street meat place. I mean, I was like, I want the hang of a diner.

• 1:10:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:10:54Sam Morril?

  I opposed to street meat. I, I, we ended up having to get it because every diner was closed.

• 1:10:57Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:58Sam Morril?

  All the diners by the cellar, Waverly, West Fourth, all those diners are fucking closed.

• 1:11:02Mark Normand?

  Closed.

• 1:11:02Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, dude, 1:30, I came to the diner on a weekend?

• 1:11:07Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 1:11:08Sam Morril?

  Killing me.

• 1:11:08Mark Normand?

  Crazy. You should be able to sit in there 24 hours with a cup of coffee and not even order anything. Those days are over.

• 1:11:13Sam Morril?

  I want a call, I want a late night tuna melt or a

• 1:11:16Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:11:16Sam Morril?

  fries, or I want a late night omelet with hash

• 1:11:19Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 1:11:20Sam Morril?

  crispy, dude.

• 1:11:20Mark Normand?

  Sing it.

• 1:11:22Sam Morril?

  Fuck, a souvlaki late night.

• 1:11:23Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:11:24Sam Morril?

  Come on.

• 1:11:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So I'll do you one better. My parents got stranded. They got, like, locked out of my house. I was on a gig in Connecticut. And I was like, I'll be back at 1:30 in the morning. They were like, well, don't worry about us. And I go, here's a key.

• 1:11:35Sam Morril?

  They stayed up all night?

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  My poor dad goes, he's like 79 years old. He goes to bed, he goes to bed at like 8:00 p.m. every night. He's old. And I didn't get home till 1:00 in the morning. I was hauling ass in Connecticut. And I go, go to Junior's. You're in Brooklyn, go to Junior's. It's a staple, it's well lit, and it's 24 hours. My dad gets there and he goes, it closes at 11:00. I was like, ah, COVID.

• 1:11:58Sam Morril?

  There's nothing.

• 1:11:59Mark Normand?

  Nothing. So he had to go to a bar.

• 1:12:01Sam Morril?

  You know what sucks is like, I feel like all these other places like, well, COVID didn't affect us. I'm like, yeah, well, they didn't have 24 hour diners in Florida anyway.

• 1:12:08Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 1:12:09Sam Morril?

  I guess they ate the Waffle Houses.

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, you got a Waffle House.

• 1:12:12Sam Morril?

  But those are a little, those aren't like relaxing late night.

• 1:12:14Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:12:15Sam Morril?

  Waffle House, there's a fucking dude doing Taekwondo in there.

• 1:12:18Mark Normand?

  With an accent. Domestic abuse.

• 1:12:20Sam Morril?

  The fry chef does a spinning backfist. What the fuck is happening?

• 1:12:24Mark Normand?

  It's like that scene in Dumb and Dumber. Wah wah wah wah. He beats up the chef, or he punches him in the heart. Puts him in the doggy bag.

• 1:12:35Sam Morril?

  That's the best fucking, dude, that scene. Dumb and Dumber. I saw Julian Edelman in Gronk when there's a Dumb and Dumber.

• 1:12:41Mark Normand?

  I saw that.

• 1:12:42Sam Morril?

  I fucking text him, I was like, that, that's ours too. And he goes, best movie ever.

• 1:12:46Mark Normand?

  We did it first.

• 1:12:46Sam Morril?

  The most quotable movie.

• 1:12:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Pull over, it's a cardigan.

• 1:12:50Sam Morril?

  Oh my god. That was a great Halloween app. I can't believe all of our, we had fucking Jack Whitehall and Ric Flair coming and we.

• 1:12:56Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, I lost them both. Wow.

• 1:12:59Sam Morril?

  Dude, both I think due to travel.

• 1:13:00Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:01Sam Morril?

  God damn it. Which airline do we have to trash?

• 1:13:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  Do you think this hair's coming back?

• 1:13:08Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:13:08Speaker 03

  This hair, do you think this hair's coming back?

• 1:13:10Mark Normand?

  I don't think so, but anything's possible. I mean, baggy pants are back. Trump's back. Who knows? Jinko jeans? Yeah, Jinko.

• 1:13:17Sam Morril?

  HPV is back.

• 1:13:18Mark Normand?

  HPV never left, baby.

• 1:13:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  Not me, anyway. Look at that teased hair. My god, she is a full figured gal.

• 1:13:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Pretty hot.

• 1:13:28Speaker 03

  So I got a, it's not a peeve, uh, but, uh, I'm no longer raw dogging New York City with my ears. Like, siren goes by, I used to just be like, yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna raw dog this, just let it go by. And when it goes by, I'll just let it go. But now I'm doing this. I'm putting my finger in my ear.

• 1:13:45Sam Morril?

  More observation than a peeve, like you're just kinda over it.

• 1:13:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm kinda over it.

• 1:13:48Mark Normand?

  I'm with you. I'm doing that too.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:50Mark Normand?

  And I used to hate that guy. Look at his pussy.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 1:13:52Mark Normand?

  And now I'm that guy. Maybe it's an age thing.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:55Mark Normand?

  We're older.

• 1:13:55Sam Morril?

  Are you listening to music or are you listening?

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  No, it's just, no, no, just, it's going right by my ear and I just let it go and be like, I can handle this. I can handle this and now I can handle it.

• 1:14:03Mark Normand?

  I'll go one step further. I put the AirPods in instinctually, out of habit, I don't even listen to anything sometimes. They're just in.

• 1:14:10Sam Morril?

  Same.

• 1:14:11Mark Normand?

  It's quieter.

• 1:14:11Sam Morril?

  It's quieter, it's noise cancelling.

• 1:14:13Mark Normand?

  Noise cancelling, yeah.

• 1:14:14Sam Morril?

  I'm with you.

• 1:14:15Mark Normand?

  So, just drowning, you know, the city can be a lot, it's like coming at you at all sides, every hole, filling up, you know?

• 1:14:21Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 1:14:21Mark Normand?

  So just quiet it down just a half an inch, I'll take it.

• 1:14:25Sam Morril?

  Certain holes are nice when they fill it up, but you know, other holes, it's just very overwhelming.

• 1:14:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:29Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, I'm on the block here, there's a guy shooting fucking something into his foot, you're just like...

• 1:14:33Mark Normand?

  Ah, really?

• 1:14:35Speaker 03

  And I was like, man, this is it for you, this is the last stop.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  It's not getting better.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  No. No, what do you think, he's gonna turn it around, get some crypto hedge fund?

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  No, he's gonna die in these streets, and probably soon.

• 1:14:47Sam Morril?

  It's sad.

• 1:14:48Speaker 03

  It's so fucking sad.

• 1:14:49Sam Morril?

  It's sad. Yeah, it's like, you know, I don't know what the solution is, but this like, this country's turned its back on a lot of people.

• 1:14:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:56Sam Morril?

  You go to every city now, and you just see it, and it's really fucking sad. How many people are just on strung out?

• 1:15:03Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:15:03Sam Morril?

  Every city in the country.

• 1:15:04Mark Normand?

  Every city, it's crazy, Chicago, LA, all, all bad.

• 1:15:07Sam Morril?

  I was just in Spokane, it's like, every city you're walking, there's dudes like, ugh, like...

• 1:15:12Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:15:12Sam Morril?

  Aggressive drugs, grunting.

• 1:15:14Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:15:15Sam Morril?

  Grunting is a peeve though, but I don't care for the grunting.

• 1:15:18Mark Normand?

  Uh, don't watch female tennis.

• 1:15:21Sam Morril?

  That type of grunting is kinda hot though. Cause it's more like, ah!

• 1:15:25Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true.

• 1:15:27Sam Morril?

  I'm like, alright.

• 1:15:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:31Mark Normand?

  But, don't watch female tennis in a hotel room, people think you're fucking some lady. But yeah, you're, you're not kidding, the grunting guy, the strung out, the drugs, just makes you wanna go into a shed in a park and get an ax. Alright.

• 1:15:45Sam Morril?

  I'll do you one better, I go back to the park today.

• 1:15:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:47Sam Morril?

  The shed is undone again.

• 1:15:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a horror movie right there.

• 1:15:52Sam Morril?

  No, The Shed.

• 1:15:53Mark Normand?

  The Shed, yes, shed a tear.

• 1:15:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah. It's played by a black guy, don't ax me again.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, I didn't hear any grunting.

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  Tennis players are so hot, too. Remember Maria Sharapova?

• 1:16:12Mark Normand?

  Woo, yeah. There was a couple of them. They're all foreign.

• 1:16:17Sam Morril?

  Tennis is awesome.

• 1:16:17Mark Normand?

  I love tennis, loved. We should go to the Open one year.

• 1:16:20Sam Morril?

  Why do we never do that?

• 1:16:21Mark Normand?

  List goes.

• 1:16:22Sam Morril?

  List goes every year.

• 1:16:23Mark Normand?

  I know. Well, it's not cheap.

• 1:16:24Sam Morril?

  It's not cheap, but that's one our agents should be able to pull off.

• 1:16:27Mark Normand?

  Also, a lot of celebs there. You're like, oh, there's Brad Pitt, there's Leo.

• 1:16:30Sam Morril?

  That's why they can't pull it off. They're getting hit up by Andrew Garfield.

• 1:16:33Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:16:34Sam Morril?

  I don't think our techs are doing much for them. They're like, oh, sorry, we got a fucking Naomi Watts on line two. Fuck off.

• 1:16:41Mark Normand?

  Well, Andrew Garfield, he's a hunk.

• 1:16:43Sam Morril?

  I like, I just like him a lot.

• 1:16:44Mark Normand?

  Good actor.

• 1:16:45Sam Morril?

  I like, I like all his, like, he's always good.

• 1:16:48Mark Normand?

  You see Hacksaw Ridge?

• 1:16:50Sam Morril?

  I never, it looked a little wussy.

• 1:16:52Mark Normand?

  It's a little heavy-handed.

• 1:16:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:55Mark Normand?

  This guy's got so much integrity, they all make fun of him, but then he saves the day at the end. But I think it's a true story.

• 1:17:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah. No, he, I, I think he's, I saw that musical he did, Tick, Tick, Boom. He's incredible in it.

• 1:17:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, about the rent rider.

• 1:17:07Sam Morril?

  Oh, man, he's, I, I just rewatched Social Network. That's an incredible.

• 1:17:10Mark Normand?

  He's great in that, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:11Sam Morril?

  Incredible movie.

• 1:17:12Mark Normand?

  I don't like carrying him in an English accent. It kind of breaks the.

• 1:17:15Sam Morril?

  Like in Christian Bale.

• 1:17:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I don't like it.

• 1:17:17Sam Morril?

  I like you my way.

• 1:17:19Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Here's some grunting for you.

• 1:17:25Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:17:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:17:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, I came, shit.

• 1:17:31Mark Normand?

  Jesus, sounds like Chris Brown's house.

• 1:17:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, what's he doing? He got chained to a radiator? What's going on back there? He's allowed to come in here.

• 1:17:42Sam Morril?

  I thought he was, I thought he was gonna come in. What the hell's he?

• 1:17:44Mark Normand?

  That's a biggie, too. This is a full glass of Campbell's Tomato.

• 1:17:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Jesus Christ. My, as a Jew, my sodium levels are going through the roof here.

• 1:17:53Mark Normand?

  Get, get another IV in here.

• 1:17:54Sam Morril?

  Oh. Damn. I love that you got California Split on there, too, right now.

• 1:17:59Mark Normand?

  Well, look, it's a bummer these guys cancel, but it's also nice to have a little time.

• 1:18:04Sam Morril?

  It's also nice to catch up. I feel like we don't do these one-on-one apps enough. And I do feel like, I feel like the people do like an occasional one-on-one.

• 1:18:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:12Sam Morril?

  Because sometimes, sometimes the guests are great, but sometimes it's like someone we don't know that well.

• 1:18:16Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:18:17Sam Morril?

  It's nice when it's just like us catching up. We don't fucking catch up. Even at the party last night, we talked a little, but then we kind of get pushed away.

• 1:18:23Mark Normand?

  You have to mediate.

• 1:18:24Sam Morril?

  You gotta, you gotta, we gotta do our thing a little bit.

• 1:18:26Mark Normand?

  You gotta schmooze, yeah.

• 1:18:27Sam Morril?

  But so it's fun to just fucking bullshit.

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  So let me ask you, you did the Boston Garden.

• 1:18:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:33Mark Normand?

  Is that as, is that as the same as MSG?

• 1:18:36Sam Morril?

  I've never performed in MSG.

• 1:18:38Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:18:38Sam Morril?

  I did the theater. You did the MSG.

• 1:18:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:40Sam Morril?

  Who did it? Louis?

• 1:18:42Mark Normand?

  Schumer and Louis.

• 1:18:43Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:18:44Mark Normand?

  But is it the same size?

• 1:18:47Sam Morril?

  It's probably, it's got.

• 1:18:48Mark Normand?

  Probably comparable.

• 1:18:49Sam Morril?

  I mean, yeah, they're both NBA arenas.

• 1:18:51Mark Normand?

  Wow, so how's that feel?

• 1:18:53Sam Morril?

  It was fun. It was really fun. And it was a Cam Neely foundation and he's so cool. And I, I got to talk to him for a little while.

• 1:18:59Speaker 03

  Nineteen thousand five hundred eighty at the Boston Garden.

• 1:19:03Sam Morril?

  I don't think it was full, but it was probably like twelve thousand people.

• 1:19:05Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 1:19:07Sam Morril?

  And, uh, yeah, it was great. And Cam Neely was cool as shit. And I got to tell him, like, we talked for a while and I was like, I know this, it's like a weird thing to say, but one of my best friends, Gary Vider, like, he's a, he grew up a diehard Rangers fan and his two favorite players were you and Mario Lemieux. And he goes, that's, that's awesome. Thanks.

• 1:19:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:19:25Sam Morril?

  He was like very, very gracious.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:19:27Sam Morril?

  And I goes, that says something that a Rangers fan like me.

• 1:19:29Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:19:30Sam Morril?

  I just loved how you played. And he was like, oh, that's so cool. And, uh, so we talked for a little while. His wife was really cool, too.

• 1:19:35Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:19:35Sam Morril?

  Cam Neely, man, he's like a badass. Fucking Seabass from Dumb and Dumber.

• 1:19:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right.

• 1:19:39Sam Morril?

  He's, he's Seabass.

• 1:19:40Mark Normand?

  He's a legend.

• 1:19:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:44Speaker 03

  Hocktu.

• 1:19:46Sam Morril?

  Hocktu from the nineties.

• 1:19:47Mark Normand?

  All right. So let me ask Salakus, pull this up.

• 1:19:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:51Mark Normand?

  Stand Up For Heroes is this Monday at the, the MSG.

• 1:19:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:58Mark Normand?

  Let's see that lineup.

• 1:20:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, who's on it?

• 1:20:01Mark Normand?

  Uh, well, I think Seinfeld, I think Bruce Springsteen.

• 1:20:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:20:07Mark Normand?

  Uh, Gaffigan.

• 1:20:09Sam Morril?

  Hey.

• 1:20:09Speaker 03

  Marcus.

• 1:20:10Mark Normand?

  Mark Lorman. Oh, Norah Jones, Patty.

• 1:20:14Speaker 03

  Khalifa, that's Bruce's wife.

• 1:20:16Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:20:17Speaker 03

  Jerry.

• 1:20:18Mark Normand?

  And Stuart.

• 1:20:19Sam Morril?

  Questlove, too.

• 1:20:20Mark Normand?

  I gotta get this photo. So here's the plan. We're gonna get Salakus. I got him on the list. I'm gonna try to get him backstage to stealthily shoot the whole fucking thing.

• 1:20:30Sam Morril?

  You can, I feel like these days people are less annoyed by that.

• 1:20:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:33Sam Morril?

  Cause everything is shot and no one knows. When I was at the MSG charity game, I had James just doing shit and.

• 1:20:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:38Sam Morril?

  Everyone, everyone has got a person filming now.

• 1:20:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah. By the way, who picked that photo of me? That's the one they picked? Also.

• 1:20:48Mark Normand?

  Not a great headshot. Why, there's no chance I'm not opening.

• 1:20:53Sam Morril?

  You're going first.

• 1:20:53Mark Normand?

  I'm definitely going first.

• 1:20:54Sam Morril?

  Unless like Norah Jones, unless they want to do like a music.

• 1:20:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, I would blow her if she went first. Now, who had to go first on the Garden?

• 1:21:01Sam Morril?

  Alec Flynn, he's a young guy.

• 1:21:02Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:21:02Sam Morril?

  He's a young guy and, you know.

• 1:21:04Mark Normand?

  Well, that's me.

• 1:21:05Sam Morril?

  But he did great. He crushed out of the gate. And then, uh, and then I think it was Zarna who also crushed.

• 1:21:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:12Sam Morril?

  I mean, look, everyone had a hot set. That picture of you looks like you're an entirely different type of comedian.

• 1:21:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:21:19Sam Morril?

  The wacky guy.

• 1:21:20Mark Normand?

  The wacky guy with props.

• 1:21:21Sam Morril?

  Like you take the mic and you hit your head with it. What?

• 1:21:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:21:27Sam Morril?

  Like you make this face while on stage.

• 1:21:30Mark Normand?

  A lot of mugging.

• 1:21:32Sam Morril?

  And he said this to me.

• 1:21:35Sam Morril?

  He looked like the wacky guy.

• 1:21:37Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:21:38Sam Morril?

  Jerry, that's a nice headshot. He looks very serious.

• 1:21:40Mark Normand?

  Great shot of Jerry. Even Gaffigan, he's never, uh, never looking good. Yeah. Good for him.

• 1:21:46Sam Morril?

  Norah Jones is great.

• 1:21:47Mark Normand?

  She's good.

• 1:21:48Sam Morril?

  I love that she does the theme for the movie Ted.

• 1:21:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:21:53Sam Morril?

  That Seth MacFarlane just wrote like a campy, have you heard, just pull the, like.

• 1:21:57Mark Normand?

  He can do music.

• 1:22:00Mark Normand?

  Is she making my way downtown, walking?

• 1:22:02Sam Morril?

  No, no. No, she is like, fuck, you always hear those songs. You'd know her music.

• 1:22:07Mark Normand?

  She's not New York.

• 1:22:09Speaker 03

  No, no. That's Alicia Keys. It's the one that's like, uh, oh shit.

• 1:22:13Mark Normand?

  She's a piano lady.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  Jazz. I think, is she Quincy Jones daughter?

• 1:22:20Sam Morril?

  I fucking can't sing.

• 1:22:21Mark Normand?

  I don't know that one.

• 1:22:22Speaker 03

  She related to Quincy Jones?

• 1:22:23Sam Morril?

  No, I don't think so.

• 1:22:25Mark Normand?

  There's a lot of Joe. What about Indiana?

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  Rashida.

• 1:22:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she is.

• 1:22:31Speaker 03

  Let's see, I'm gonna look up her.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  I think Phil did some gigs with her.

• 1:22:34Mark Normand?

  That's right, he did.

• 1:22:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah. That chick's cool as shit.

• 1:22:37Mark Normand?

  Wonder if they ever, uh.

• 1:22:39Sam Morril?

  I think she's married.

• 1:22:40Mark Normand?

  Ah, well, never stopped Phil before.

• 1:22:45Sam Morril?

  This is her. Seth MacFarlane wrote it, but this is-

• 1:22:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. He's a show tunes guy.

• 1:22:51Sam Morril?

  Why can't, why hasn't Seth MacFarlane ever been on here? He would be a great, I bet he would drink.

• 1:22:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. We DM'd him.

• 1:22:58Sam Morril?

  Did we?

• 1:22:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we did. He didn't respond to me.

• 1:23:01Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:23:04Mark Normand?

  Very show tunes.

• 1:23:05Sam Morril?

  But it is like fun.

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  Great. Light, airy. Now, what's her big hit?

• 1:23:12Sam Morril?

  I'll tell you right now. Pull it up.

• 1:23:13Mark Normand?

  Give me the big hit on Nora.

• 1:23:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:15Mark Normand?

  I gotta know this when I meet her.

• 1:23:18Sam Morril?

  You'd know her, you'd heard this song.

• 1:23:20Speaker 03

  Uh, "Don't Know Why I Didn't Come."

• 1:23:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, my wife's motto.

• 1:23:26Sam Morril?

  No, no, she knew why.

• 1:23:29Mark Normand?

  That's true. It was that headshot of mine.

• 1:23:33Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'm telling to change that, by the way. This is irking me.

• 1:23:37Sam Morril?

  Little shit like that does bother me.

• 1:23:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:39Sam Morril?

  I was doing a gig recently and on the poster was like, "You know from MSG's People Talking Sports?" I'm like, "I'm in Spokane." You think they know a local New York show I did in like 2017?

• 1:23:49Mark Normand?

  How about Netflix? Can you throw me a Netflix, Amazon? You go to MSG? Why the fuck you pull up Robbie Shank?

• 1:23:56Speaker 03

  It's her dad.

• 1:23:57Mark Normand?

  Ah, he's good.

• 1:24:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:24:01Mark Normand?

  A sitar.

• 1:24:02Sam Morril?

  We gotta get some fucking stories about this. On Saturday?

• 1:24:05Mark Normand?

  Monday.

• 1:24:06Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's gonna be big, dude.

• 1:24:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm excited.

• 1:24:07Sam Morril?

  At MSG.

• 1:24:08Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:24:09Sam Morril?

  The world's most famous arena, baby.

• 1:24:11Mark Normand?

  Uh, they wanted me to do the red carpet.

• 1:24:13Sam Morril?

  Are you gonna do it?

• 1:24:14Mark Normand?

  I felt bad. I was like, "Yeah, I'll do it."

• 1:24:16Sam Morril?

  So you're just interviewing people?

• 1:24:17Mark Normand?

  No, no, I'm gonna just go out and go-

• 1:24:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, well, you gotta do that.

• 1:24:20Mark Normand?

  Suit, you think?

• 1:24:22Sam Morril?

  Rock a suit. It'll impress Seinfeld.

• 1:24:23Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:24:24Sam Morril?

  He's gonna be rocking a suit.

• 1:24:25Mark Normand?

  That's true. Alright.

• 1:24:27Sam Morril?

  Rock a suit.

• 1:24:27Mark Normand?

  I'll do a suit. Maybe no tie.

• 1:24:30Sam Morril?

  No tie. The tie is too much.

• 1:24:31Mark Normand?

  Tie's too much. Alright. No tie suit.

• 1:24:34Sam Morril?

  Oh, I'll give you a peeve. The guy who wears the tie down to his fucking cock? What are you doing? You gotta get a regular sized tie or tie it differently.

• 1:24:42Mark Normand?

  I know. That's a bad tie is what that is. You gotta be able to-

• 1:24:45Sam Morril?

  Trump, Trump does it.

• 1:24:47Mark Normand?

  That's a long red.

• 1:24:47Sam Morril?

  Get a shorter tie, Trump. Come on.

• 1:24:50Mark Normand?

  Remember when he got caught with the duct tape on there or whatever, the Scotch tape?

• 1:24:53Sam Morril?

  What?

• 1:24:55Mark Normand?

  There it is, on the left.

• 1:24:56Sam Morril?

  Where, here?

• 1:24:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's it. That's real.

• 1:24:59Sam Morril?

  That is hilarious.

• 1:25:00Mark Normand?

  It didn't work.

• 1:25:02Sam Morril?

  Come on, that's not real. Deep-throated in a fucking mic.

• 1:25:07Speaker 03

  President Trump.

• 1:25:08Sam Morril?

  No, those gigs are fun, man.

• 1:25:10Mark Normand?

  You know what else we should get on? Ooh.

• 1:25:12Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 1:25:12Mark Normand?

  I had an idea. Colab, Hauktua and Monica Lewinsky. The original Hauktua.

• 1:25:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and she got shamed for it.

• 1:25:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:21Sam Morril?

  Lewinsky had a pot. Back then, she could have started a fucking podcast.

• 1:25:24Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:25:25Speaker 03

  I think Hauktua's worth like 12 million dollars now.

• 1:25:28Mark Normand?

  From what?

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:25:29Sam Morril?

  From what? From?

• 1:25:31Mark Normand?

  I know, but where's the money come from? Like, uh, does she have a sponsor? Is she sponsored by Dip? You know, spitting, zin?

• 1:25:41Speaker 03

  It's so nuts. Like Monica Lewinsky probably hasn't made 12 million dollars in her whole life. She's blew the wrong guy.

• 1:25:46Mark Normand?

  She sells handbags.

• 1:25:48Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:25:49Sam Morril?

  She gave hand jobs.

• 1:25:53Sam Morril?

  No, she, uh, yeah, she really got fucked over, Monica Lewinsky. Like, as badly, like, it's funny, because that Me Too came like 20 years after what she did, but like...

• 1:26:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:04Sam Morril?

  He's the one who did the fucked up thing.

• 1:26:06Mark Normand?

  Exactly. She was an intern.

• 1:26:07Sam Morril?

  He was a kid. I mean, she shouldn't have done it, but like, come on, like, who's the one in the real position of power here?

• 1:26:12Speaker 03

  The president?

• 1:26:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:14Sam Morril?

  I would say.

• 1:26:15Mark Normand?

  Great Chappelle joke. Can you ever think you'd be so famous that someone could suck your dick and they're famous?

• 1:26:21Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:26:22Mark Normand?

  Like, damn, that's a smart take.

• 1:26:23Sam Morril?

  That's a great take, and he also, uh, he had that great bit about like how Hillary put us all in danger. You know what kind of man you have? You remember that? No. You're the first lady, you gotta be the first one on your knees to suck his dick.

• 1:26:36Mark Normand?

  You know he needs his medicine.

• 1:26:41Speaker 03

  God, he was so good. Or is so good.

• 1:26:42Mark Normand?

  He was.

• 1:26:43Sam Morril?

  Rock's amazing.

• 1:26:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was Rock?

• 1:26:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:46Sam Morril?

  Who'd you think I was doing there?

• 1:26:48Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 1:26:50Mark Normand?

  I thought you were doing Uncle Ben.

• 1:26:53Sam Morril?

  Man, remember Tom McCaffrey had that bit about, um, the women on Behind the Music? They're just like interviewing roadies, and they were just interviewing these roadies, and they would, the women would blow them to get to blow the band.

• 1:27:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:07Sam Morril?

  I wish I was famous enough to get blown, you know, I'm having a hard time getting blown directly. I can't imagine even proposing at the women, like, like, you wanna blow me, where's you gonna blow these six ugly dudes? And they're like, I didn't wanna blow you, and he's like, alright, sorry. And then she leaves, she's like, sorry, guys, and she called it off. So stupid.

• 1:27:29Mark Normand?

  Woo, he was a funny guy.

• 1:27:31Sam Morril?

  Oh, Thomas, he's got some classics.

• 1:27:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I've told him this one 800 times, but he's like, I read Janet Jameson's book, the movie was better.

• 1:27:42Mark Normand?

  I love that joke.

• 1:27:43Sam Morril?

  Thomas is so funny, man.

• 1:27:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Has anyone done the Monica connection with Haktua yet? Maybe I'll tweet it.

• 1:27:50Sam Morril?

  There's something there.

• 1:27:50Mark Normand?

  There's something there.

• 1:27:51Sam Morril?

  That is.

• 1:27:52Mark Normand?

  But it shows how far we've come with slut relations.

• 1:27:55Sam Morril?

  You know what's also crazy? I feel like if Twitter was around in the 90s, we might have moved through the Monica shit a little more quickly.

• 1:28:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:28:01Sam Morril?

  The cycle really, it was too slow.

• 1:28:03Mark Normand?

  We spent a fucking decade on her. A decade of jokes on her.

• 1:28:07Sam Morril?

  It's also hard to apply for another job.

• 1:28:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:10Sam Morril?

  But like, now you could start a podcast.

• 1:28:12Mark Normand?

  That's true. The world is open.

• 1:28:14Sam Morril?

  It's open.

• 1:28:15Mark Normand?

  The 90s was still very, what's the word? It was kind of like prim and proper when you look back.

• 1:28:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:22Mark Normand?

  Compared to now.

• 1:28:24Sam Morril?

  Oh, God, OnlyFans, I mean like.

• 1:28:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:28:26Sam Morril?

  Can you imagine, like, people are so fucking rich off just like, like, here are pictures of my feet. You know?

• 1:28:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, WikiFeet. We're on there.

• 1:28:36Sam Morril?

  I don't think I'm on there.

• 1:28:37Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 1:28:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think you are.

• 1:28:39Mark Normand?

  I got some, if the WikiFeet people could see my feet now, they would vomit.

• 1:28:44Sam Morril?

  My feet are rough, dude.

• 1:28:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:28:47Sam Morril?

  I can't believe we got that IV, that helped.

• 1:28:49Mark Normand?

  I was in bed with the wife, she was like, you gotta cut these, you're cutting me up here.

• 1:28:53Sam Morril?

  What?

• 1:28:54Mark Normand?

  Get out of bed and snip, and then get back in bed, real mood ruiner. I don't know why I can't come. No search results, thank you.

• 1:29:04Speaker 03

  That was for him.

• 1:29:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:29:06Speaker 03

  Still doing you.

• 1:29:07Sam Morril?

  I got some nasty feet, so. My feet look like.

• 1:29:11Speaker 03

  Nothing remarkable.

• 1:29:12Sam Morril?

  I could catch fucking salmon with these talons.

• 1:29:14Mark Normand?

  Same, same.

• 1:29:15Sam Morril?

  Oh, nasty.

• 1:29:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I could do a Bloody Mary.

• 1:29:21Mark Normand?

  Accessories on my toenails.

• 1:29:23Sam Morril?

  But I don't, I also don't, uh, I don't wear sandals out of respect, you know, I'm like, I'm a shoe guy.

• 1:29:30Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 1:29:30Sam Morril?

  Dudes that wear sandals in public places, I'm a little bit like, what do you, also, this is New York City, there's rats out.

• 1:29:36Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:29:37Sam Morril?

  With the sandals.

• 1:29:38Mark Normand?

  Flip flops, it's bad. I'll wear them around the house or something, but I don't go out, outside the door with the, with the sandals.

• 1:29:44Sam Morril?

  It's not a good look.

• 1:29:45Mark Normand?

  No, no. How about the guy who's, leaves the house in slippers, hits the bodega and goes back with the pajama pants on, it's a bad look. Put, put some fucking, pants are like comfortable now, there's no excuse.

• 1:29:57Sam Morril?

  I know, what are these? These are nice.

• 1:29:59Mark Normand?

  These are public rec. That's a free, free plug.

• 1:30:02Sam Morril?

  Look at that.

• 1:30:02Mark Normand?

  It snaps back, I can, I can exercise in these, they're great.

• 1:30:06Sam Morril?

  No, I like, I like pants like this, man, that you're just like, everything's comfortable now, everything's leisure wear.

• 1:30:12Mark Normand?

  Even dress shoes. Dress shoes, I had to wear them in high school, I wore, I went to Catholic high school.

• 1:30:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, same, I had to wear dress shoes to school.

• 1:30:18Mark Normand?

  Brutal. Hated them. I would, I would step on the backs, that was the only way I could get them comfortable, but, uh.

• 1:30:23Sam Morril?

  Also, adults look cool in that shit, kids look ridic-

• 1:30:26Mark Normand?

  Ridiculous.

• 1:30:27Sam Morril?

  You know I don't have a real job.

• 1:30:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm wearing shiny black shoes to school where we just fart all day, but.

• 1:30:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:34Mark Normand?

  Um, point is, dress shoes now, those Kenneth Cole or Cole Hahn or whatever they are, they got the, the, the squishy bottom.

• 1:30:42Sam Morril?

  I love that.

• 1:30:42Mark Normand?

  Game changer.

• 1:30:43Sam Morril?

  Throw some Dr. Scholl's in there, you're gonna have a fucking blast, buddy.

• 1:30:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, dude, that?

• 1:30:48Sam Morril?

  That was the most old man shit I've-

• 1:30:51Sam Morril?

  Throw some Dr. Scholl's in those shoes.

• 1:30:53Mark Normand?

  Have a blast.

• 1:30:54Sam Morril?

  I fucking stink.

• 1:30:55Mark Normand?

  Um, that and wheels on a suitcase, those are the two things where we're like, why did this take so long?

• 1:31:01Sam Morril?

  Oh, I did the duffel bag forever on them.

• 1:31:02Mark Normand?

  Same, same.

• 1:31:04Sam Morril?

  I wonder why my back was always fucked up. I'm doing duffel bag and I'm flying middle seat at 6 a.m. because it's a cheap. I'm like, no wonder my back is fucking always janky, I'm always falling asleep like this, I'm always, you know, but yeah, the rolly bag, I loved, oh, we do a lot of peeves in here, I'm gonna do a little toast. The backpacks with the little loop that you can throw over the rolly bag.

• 1:31:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's big, that's big. Who, who came up with that?

• 1:31:26Sam Morril?

  That's a big, that's a big time move.

• 1:31:29Mark Normand?

  I felt bad, I was, I was in Cleveland doing some theater and Jordan Fisher was there doing the funny bone and I was like, Jordan, we're drinking one night and I go, oh, man, it's getting late. And he goes, yeah, I got a 6 a.m. flight. I go, why would you have a 6 a.m. flight? We're leaving out of Cleveland, it's like a two hour flight. He's like, I'm poor. I was like, oh yeah, sorry.

• 1:31:47Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 1:31:48Mark Normand?

  So I bought his drinks.

• 1:31:49Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 1:31:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but.

• 1:31:51Sam Morril?

  And then he was really hungover and he fucked his neck up because he couldn't fall asleep on that 6 a.m. flight.

• 1:31:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, probably. But he went home and slept. We've all been there. The middle seat.

• 1:32:01Sam Morril?

  It's not good.

• 1:32:02Mark Normand?

  When you're broke, the all, the hope, best you can hope for is a, is an empty row.

• 1:32:06Sam Morril?

  I love an empty row.

• 1:32:07Mark Normand?

  Four man's first class.

• 1:32:08Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 1:32:09Speaker 03

  You know, people buy the seat next to them and then like minutes before the flight takeoff, they refund the seat. They're like, I don't want that seat anymore. And they get their money back and the seat's empty.

• 1:32:21Mark Normand?

  That's gold.

• 1:32:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:22Sam Morril?

  Gold. It's kind of a dick move, but it's, but it's, you're fucking over an airline, so who cares?

• 1:32:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, they fucked you.

• 1:32:27Mark Normand?

  Those seats are too small anyway. They keep, make them smaller and people keep getting bigger.

• 1:32:31Sam Morril?

  That was, I remember taking public transit to the airport and stuff. I would do, you know, I still will do it occasionally, but like, I always did it. And then you're like, all right, what's the first thing to go? Do I take a cab to the airport?

• 1:32:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:42Sam Morril?

  Eventually you're like, all right, let me bump up into a first class.

• 1:32:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:45Sam Morril?

  Using points. You're doing whatever you can do to like make it a little, because when you, you live on the road, you're like, how do I just make this so I don't not, I want to look forward to work.

• 1:32:53Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly. Dude, did you ever do the bus to LaGuardia?

• 1:32:58Sam Morril?

  It's awful.

• 1:32:59Mark Normand?

  Q23 or whatever it was, the B23, that took for, you have to leave like four hours early to get to the bus in time to get to the airport in time.

• 1:33:07Sam Morril?

  Luckily, we, we were young enough that it didn't, like, imagine starting that at like four.

• 1:33:10Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:33:11Sam Morril?

  Because that, that would beat your ass up, but like.

• 1:33:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it would.

• 1:33:14Sam Morril?

  Mark and I were young enough that we're like, all right, we could take this beating a little bit.

• 1:33:17Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:33:18Sam Morril?

  And also thinking like, look, people are traveling under way worse conditions. It's people in the fucking military.

• 1:33:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, people are roofing.

• 1:33:24Sam Morril?

  You know, yeah, that's like real hard lives. And we were just like, I just don't feel good.

• 1:33:28Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:33:29Sam Morril?

  You just want to feel good when you go on stage. You want to be like, I feel fucking.

• 1:33:31Mark Normand?

  Right. I feel like if I can get two hours in the hotel pre-show, I'm good. Two, two hours is what I need.

• 1:33:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, that was the thing. I was like that pre-show in Boston. I'm like, I just want to shower.

• 1:33:42Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:33:43Sam Morril?

  I just want that, not even camp, it's just like about the feeling of being like, I'm clean.

• 1:33:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're clean and you've regrouped.

• 1:33:49Sam Morril?

  You're like, I'm back. I put new clothes on. I had a little alone time. Shave your neck, throw some deodorant on.

• 1:33:55Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:33:56Sam Morril?

  That's all you want, yeah.

• 1:33:57Mark Normand?

  Cause I'll, I'll go on the road and I see people like from college, like, you're in Denver. I live in Denver now. Let's meet up. And I'm like, well, I have a show at seven. They're like, well, hey, let's meet up at five and then you can, you can leave.

• 1:34:09Sam Morril?

  Get fucked up.

• 1:34:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:10Sam Morril?

  I'm like, I gotta do two shows.

• 1:34:11Mark Normand?

  Right, well, I have a steak and a mashed potato. And I'm like, alright, well, I got a show at seven. And they're like, alright, well, it's 6:58. You're good. And I'm like, well, I have to get there and look at my notes and, you know, I could just walk in and go on. It's a whole thing.

• 1:34:24Sam Morril?

  The whole thing.

• 1:34:25Speaker 03

  You quickly glanced over, shave your neck. What are we talking about here?

• 1:34:28Sam Morril?

  Like, right here.

• 1:34:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:34:29Sam Morril?

  Just get the little.

• 1:34:30Mark Normand?

  I thought you were talking like back here.

• 1:34:31Sam Morril?

  Oh, I didn't, I used to not shave here and it looked fucking ridiculous.

• 1:34:34Speaker 03

  Homelessy.

• 1:34:35Mark Normand?

  It is good to get that line.

• 1:34:36Sam Morril?

  It just makes you look a little more together.

• 1:34:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:38Sam Morril?

  If you have a beard, you gotta maintain it a little.

• 1:34:40Mark Normand?

  A little. I do the, the two guard up here.

• 1:34:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:44Mark Normand?

  And then I get the no guard down there.

• 1:34:47Sam Morril?

  Was that Baby Bliss? Was that the sponsor for us? They sent me fucking a razor, Baby Bliss.

• 1:34:53Mark Normand?

  Baby Bliss?

• 1:34:54Sam Morril?

  Baby Bliss, whatever it's called. Man, it's great. I love it. The only problem is, uh, I, sometimes when my beard will grow out, I'll get the little hair. You gotta, you gotta trim right over that lip.

• 1:35:03Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:35:04Sam Morril?

  Fucking Ned Flanders, right?

• 1:35:05Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's a good looking razor.

• 1:35:07Sam Morril?

  It wasn't that, it was, no, it was like a blue one. Gold. Who am I, Trump?

• 1:35:11Mark Normand?

  Like, James Bond, Don Draper razor.

• 1:35:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's a little much. No, it was like a blue one, but it was, it was, it was free. It was nice.

• 1:35:17Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:35:18Speaker 03

  Oh, blue?

• 1:35:18Sam Morril?

  Either that or I took my neighbor's razor. I don't fucking know.

• 1:35:21Mark Normand?

  Babe Bliss?

• 1:35:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was nice.

• 1:35:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, Baby Bliss, okay. Wow.

• 1:35:25Sam Morril?

  Baby Bliss, that's what I am.

• 1:35:31Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, where are we eating, boys?

• 1:35:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what are you thinking?

• 1:35:34Speaker 03

  Chinese?

• 1:35:35Mark Normand?

  Whatever, it's up to you guys.

• 1:35:37Sam Morril?

  I'm down.

• 1:35:37Mark Normand?

  Alright. I got a spot at nine, so we got plenty of time.

• 1:35:40Sam Morril?

  Let's see if Liz, I said, I didn't, was it gonna work tonight? Cause I thought we had Flair on, but.

• 1:35:44Speaker 03

  Can I do a quick Mark Norman story?

• 1:35:46Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:35:46Sam Morril?

  Let's do it.

• 1:35:47Mark Normand?

  Do I know about it?

• 1:35:47Speaker 03

  Talk about Joe's, uh, screening yet?

• 1:35:52Mark Normand?

  A little, yeah. You were in Ireland. Oh, we gotta hear about Ireland.

• 1:35:55Speaker 03

  Ah, okay, what do you want to hear first, or at all?

• 1:35:58Mark Normand?

  Well, let's hear the baby, I mean, the, uh, the movie.

• 1:36:01Sam Morril?

  Both, Mark's story.

• 1:36:02Speaker 03

  Okay, so Joe List had a huge screening for his documentary.

• 1:36:05Sam Morril?

  It was great, we were there.

• 1:36:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, we were there.

• 1:36:07Mark Normand?

  Portrait of a comedian.

• 1:36:08Speaker 03

  Portrait of a comedian, thank you.

• 1:36:09Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 1:36:10Speaker 03

  So, uh, Mark and I go out to eat beforehand, just right beforehand, like an hour before the show. We invited Joe List to come with us, and he's like, "I can't come." You know the story?

• 1:36:21Mark Normand?

  I was there.

• 1:36:24Sam Morril?

  So, by the way, you're doing a list exactly what Norman just complained about.

• 1:36:28Speaker 03

  What was that?

• 1:36:28Sam Morril?

  I got a thing at seven, you're like, "What were you at? It's 6:58."

• 1:36:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's right, that's right. I didn't have to perform, though.

• 1:36:36Speaker 03

  So, uh, Joe can't make it because he's got his big screening, and I was like, "I'm gonna order you a chicken parm. If you can't eat it, we're just gonna bring it to you." And he was like, "Okay, that's very considerate of you, he loves chicken parms, so..."

• 1:36:50Mark Normand?

  This is a nice joint, by the way. This is a white tablecloth, Italian.

• 1:36:53Sam Morril?

  What's it called?

• 1:36:54Speaker 03

  John's on 12th.

• 1:36:55Mark Normand?

  On 12th, you walk by it a million times. Pull up a photo.

• 1:36:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that place is excellent.

• 1:37:00Mark Normand?

  It's old as shit, it's a staple of the village.

• 1:37:02Sam Morril?

  What's better than like an old New York Italian or steak joint? There's something so...

• 1:37:06Mark Normand?

  Ah, the best.

• 1:37:07Sam Morril?

  It would have been exactly the same.

• 1:37:09Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:37:10Sam Morril?

  There's something kind of special about it.

• 1:37:11Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:37:12Sam Morril?

  Except they let black people in, but other than that, it's exactly...

• 1:37:15Mark Normand?

  That's true. Oh, and Bourdain there.

• 1:37:17Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:37:17Sam Morril?

  No, John's is legendary.

• 1:37:19Mark Normand?

  Legendary. Uh, well, get a year on that puppy, because that thing's been there at least 60 years.

• 1:37:25Speaker 03

  Okay, stand by.

• 1:37:26Mark Normand?

  Sorry, sorry.

• 1:37:27Speaker 03

  I'm telling the story here.

• 1:37:27Mark Normand?

  There's Bourdain. Sorry, sorry, I'm ruining the story here.

• 1:37:30Speaker 03

  Uh, Peter's looking at it. So, we order a chicken parm, we bring it to him in like an old box. I mean, it's a little much to hand a guy a chicken parm.

• 1:37:37Mark Normand?

  It was heavy.

• 1:37:38Speaker 03

  It was heavy, yeah. So, but Joe's gracious, of course, and he's like, "Thank you so much, thank you for thinking of me," whatever. And he's like, "No, I gotta carry this thing around, I don't know what to do with it," but he's like, "All right, I'm gonna set it aside."

• 1:37:46Mark Normand?

  Thirty-six dollar parm, for the record.

• 1:37:48Speaker 03

  Mark paid.

• 1:37:49Mark Normand?

  I paid.

• 1:37:50Speaker 03

  So, the screening goes on, beautiful movie, Mark cried.

• 1:37:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:54Mark Normand?

  I teared. I wouldn't say I sobbed. I did like a...

• 1:37:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you were moved, though.

• 1:37:59Mark Normand?

  I was moved.

• 1:38:00Sam Morril?

  I was moved, too. I think, I think Tom is so, Tom Dustin is so funny.

• 1:38:03Mark Normand?

  So captivating.

• 1:38:04Sam Morril?

  He's so effortlessly funny. Like, it's just in his DNA to be funny. I love that.

• 1:38:08Speaker 03

  So, uh, now they're doing the Q and A after the movie, right? It's me, I'm sitting next to you, you're sitting next to Mark. It's three of us in a row.

• 1:38:19Mark Normand?

  Get in here, Peter. Herman, you're allowed to hang out, you weirdo.

• 1:38:23Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 1:38:24Sam Morril?

  We're good on these. You're gonna kill us. We're literally just fighting off hangovers. I puked.

• 1:38:29Mark Normand?

  It was supposed to be two episodes, too, so this would have been appropriate, but one guy canceled.

• 1:38:33Sam Morril?

  So finish the story.

• 1:38:35Speaker 03

  Alright, so it's me, I'm sitting next to you, you're sitting next to Mark. The Q and A is going on. Now, Joe is doing his gratitude thing, where he's like, "I wanna thank everybody for helping me. I shot the fucking thing." Right? So he's like, "And, big thank you to Matt Salicus." And then, as he's saying that, Mark's like, "Hey." He leans over across you to me, he's like, "Hey." I was like, "Oh, what is it, Mark?" And he's like, "What do you think happened to that chicken parm?" I was like, "He's talking about me."

• 1:39:04Sam Morril?

  Salicus missed the gratitude moment, because Mark was hungry.

• 1:39:07Mark Normand?

  No, I didn't want it to go to waste. I didn't think, it was 36 bucks, and I know, if I know Joe, he doesn't wanna carry something, so I thought he threw it away.

• 1:39:16Speaker 03

  The one time, the one second.

• 1:39:17Sam Morril?

  Now he's carrying a grudge.

• 1:39:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, that was, I was laughing, because you were pissed off about it.

• 1:39:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:39:26Sam Morril?

  It was like two and a half hours, and it was your one moment.

• 1:39:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, my 14 seconds, I'm like, "What did you think happened to that chicken parm?"

• 1:39:32Mark Normand?

  Sorry, sorry.

• 1:39:33Sam Morril?

  I was laughing pretty hard at that.

• 1:39:34Mark Normand?

  I just didn't want it to go to waste. But he ate it. And then List, to his credit, sent us a photo at like midnight of him with an empty chicken parm dish. And he was like, "Thanks, fellas."

• 1:39:45Sam Morril?

  That's nice.

• 1:39:45Mark Normand?

  That was nice. But he did try to take credit for the parm.

• 1:39:49Speaker 03

  It's a big salad.

• 1:39:50Sam Morril?

  He took credit for the parm?

• 1:39:51Speaker 03

  I did.

• 1:39:52Sam Morril?

  He paid for it, you handed it off.

• 1:39:53Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:39:55Sam Morril?

  An annoying move.

• 1:39:56Mark Normand?

  Handed it. Thank you. We're even.

• 1:39:58Sam Morril?

  What's the other?

• 1:40:01Speaker 03

  1915.

• 1:40:03Mark Normand?

  1915, over 100 years, 109.

• 1:40:05Sam Morril?

  That is so cool.

• 1:40:06Mark Normand?

  That's amazing.

• 1:40:07Speaker 03

  Maybe we go down there and eat.

• 1:40:09Mark Normand?

  That's a haul.

• 1:40:10Sam Morril?

  They made it to prohibition, man, holy shit.

• 1:40:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 1:40:13Sam Morril?

  That's old school.

• 1:40:15Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:40:15Sam Morril?

  So what were you saying? What was the Ireland story?

• 1:40:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, let's hear about Ireland.

• 1:40:20Speaker 03

  I missed the last couple of shows because I went on tour with Michelle Wolf. We shot a page to stage.

• 1:40:26Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:40:27Speaker 03

  She had an idea after she saw the one that I shot with Mark. She said, "I'd like to try this, but in Ireland, I'm going to be there for 14 days on the 13-city tour, and I'd like to write 10 minutes just on like Ireland and Irish culture, and then do like a 10-minute special at the end."

• 1:40:44Mark Normand?

  Love it.

• 1:40:44Speaker 03

  This is a great idea.

• 1:40:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but this is a big feat. I mean, you have to go, we have to get a guy in Ireland to shoot, to travel with her, to shoot all the shows, behind the scenes. She doesn't even know Salikus, so...

• 1:40:56Sam Morril?

  But you hit it off?

• 1:40:57Speaker 03

  Totally hit it off.

• 1:40:58Mark Normand?

  He pulled it off.

• 1:40:58Speaker 03

  Totally hit it off. Not only did she write 10 minutes, she wrote 18 fucking new minutes.

• 1:41:03Sam Morril?

  Wow, she's prolific.

• 1:41:04Mark Normand?

  She is. She can write.

• 1:41:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:06Mark Normand?

  And it's smart to write about local shit because it gets like a... They want to hear that. You know, it's not... It's gotta be more fun to work on local shit than normal material because they're there for it.

• 1:41:16Sam Morril?

  It's also an outsider's perspective.

• 1:41:18Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:41:18Sam Morril?

  Maybe like, it's like John Oliver coming here.

• 1:41:20Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:41:21Speaker 03

  Totally, totally.

• 1:41:22Sam Morril?

  An extra like, "Oh, okay."

• 1:41:23Mark Normand?

  A shot of water.

• 1:41:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:25Speaker 03

  So I told her while I was there, she was like, "How'd the thing go with Mark Norman, the one you shot with him?" And I was like, "We wrote that one joke over five months. I followed him for five months. He wrote one great joke."

• 1:41:37Mark Normand?

  That's embarrassing.

• 1:41:38Sam Morril?

  She wrote 15 minutes?

• 1:41:39Mark Normand?

  Eighteen. It's local shit.

• 1:41:42Sam Morril?

  I know what you mean.

• 1:41:43Mark Normand?

  Local humor gets local work.

• 1:41:44Sam Morril?

  But Mark is so fucking good at sticking with a premise that isn't working and getting it to work. He is really one of the best.

• 1:41:52Speaker 03

  He's exactly the story.

• 1:41:53Mark Normand?

  And a marriage.

• 1:41:55Mark Normand?

  But yeah.

• 1:41:56Speaker 03

  So what's funny at the end, like the very last thing, Michelle Wolf gets offstage. She does her like 18-minute little special that we shot, and she comes offstage and I was like, "I can't believe it. You wrote 15 or 18 new minutes." And I was like, "Congratulations." And she looks in the camera, she's like, "Fuck you, Mark Norman."

• 1:42:13Mark Normand?

  Ahhh.

• 1:42:15Speaker 03

  Except it was, "Fuck you, Mark Norman."

• 1:42:16Mark Normand?

  That was it. Alright, well, great.

• 1:42:19Sam Morril?

  And you guys hit it off, it was a good hang?

• 1:42:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, she asked me to shoot her special.

• 1:42:23Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:42:25Sam Morril?

  That's cool, man.

• 1:42:26Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:42:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:27Mark Normand?

  In DC.

• 1:42:28Speaker 03

  In DC, DC Improv.

• 1:42:29Mark Normand?

  That's a great room.

• 1:42:30Sam Morril?

  She gets there, it's just all Ireland material. It's not working!

• 1:42:33Mark Normand?

  Top of the morning, dude!

• 1:42:34Sam Morril?

  It's killed in Dublin, you pieces of shit!

• 1:42:37Mark Normand?

  You guys ever drink Guinness?

• 1:42:40Mark Normand?

  What's up with the IRA? Am I right?

• 1:42:42Sam Morril?

  Do you guys do a lot of dinners and stuff?

• 1:42:44Speaker 03

  Lots of dinners. Oh, by the way, I should mention, she did this whole tour with her two-year-old daughter.

• 1:42:50Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:42:51Speaker 03

  Literally breastfeeding her, carrying her.

• 1:42:53Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:42:53Speaker 03

  I mean, it's an incredible feat.

• 1:42:55Sam Morril?

  Daughter hanging on one tit, she's riding with the other hand.

• 1:42:57Speaker 03

  I'm not, you're not kidding, that happened.

• 1:42:59Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 1:43:00Sam Morril?

  The machine.

• 1:43:01Mark Normand?

  It's funny, Rachel, I was talking to Rachel last night, she's like, "When I had my kid, I, my career went way better." And I was like, "What? Everybody tells you it, you know, stifles you," but she was like, "No, no, I got more."

• 1:43:10Sam Morril?

  Well, she's a horrible mother, that's why.

• 1:43:11Mark Normand?

  That's what it is.

• 1:43:13Sam Morril?

  No, she's a great mother. I mean, because I think it's, she work hard, Stephano, same thing, I think.

• 1:43:18Mark Normand?

  Stephano Louie?

• 1:43:18Speaker 03

  It happened to me too. You get focused, you're like, "Oh, I've got someone else to feed and someone else to take care of."

• 1:43:22Mark Normand?

  She said the same, she said "focus," that's the exact word she used. So, there you go. Hey, Peters is drinking, I've never seen it.

• 1:43:29Speaker 06

  It's good.

• 1:43:30Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:43:30Sam Morril?

  What are you drinking now? What is that?

• 1:43:32Speaker 06

  Bloody Mary still? Same thing, Bloody Mary, different mix, but...

• 1:43:35Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 1:43:35Sam Morril?

  Incredible drink, Herman, amazing.

• 1:43:38Mark Normand?

  What can't you do? Besides get laid?

• 1:43:44Sam Morril?

  Well, this is a hot app, man. Let's do, should we plug some dates, Mark?

• 1:43:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, what do we got here? I'm gonna be all over the road, I'm doing the Ryman in Nashville, which is a real treat for me. I've never, never, uh...

• 1:43:55Sam Morril?

  Beautiful.

• 1:43:55Mark Normand?

  Headlined that room.

• 1:43:56Sam Morril?

  I love it.

• 1:43:59Mark Normand?

  We are in East Providence, I'm going back to the clubs, because I got the hour in the bag, but I just want to hone it, tweak it, perfect it, polish it. So, we're going to the Comedy Connection, one of my favorite clubs in Rhode Island, Providence. Then I'm at Wilkes-Barre, PA, at the Kirby Center. Uh, Inglewood, New Jersey, Houston, Texas, at the Improv. Phoenix, Stand Up Live, Dallas, Improv in Addison. Uh, and then I'm taking a little break for the, for the Rug Rat, right when the lady shits that puppy out. And then we're off to the Ryman.

• 1:44:34Sam Morril?

  Uh, alright.

• 1:44:35Mark Normand?

  What do you got, Art Batty?

• 1:44:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, start.

• 1:44:37Speaker 03

  Start right here.

• 1:44:38Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna add some dates before, some add some clubs to work out in before I do the little theater tour on the bus, but I got Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, DC, Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, NOLA, your stomping grounds, Memphis, tickets still available, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, Durham, you're going too quickly, I'm missing. Uh, Providence.

• 1:45:01Mark Normand?

  That's a great theater, that Veterans Hall.

• 1:45:04Sam Morril?

  I'm pumped, yeah. Portsmouth, I can't, I love Portsmouth.

• 1:45:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, cute town.

• 1:45:08Sam Morril?

  Uh, shout out Duncan Robinson, basketball player from Portsmouth. Portland, Maine, coming up, Burlington, Vermont, Montreal, Toronto, I'm going on and on here, but we got Buffalo, Albany, Columbus, coming everywhere, as Segura calls his best name ever.

• 1:45:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, great name.

• 1:45:23Sam Morril?

  Goddamn it, Segura, you fucking, you beat us to the best name.

• 1:45:25Mark Normand?

  What's the name of your tour?

• 1:45:27Sam Morril?

  The Errors Tour.

• 1:45:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's clever.

• 1:45:29Sam Morril?

  It's a fun name, yeah. Columbus, Royal Oak, Grand Rapids, Minneapolis, on and on. Samrel.com/shows. The Bodega Cat Party was a huge hit, thanks to-

• 1:45:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:45:37Sam Morril?

  Matt Herman-

• 1:45:38Mark Normand?

  Herman!

• 1:45:38Sam Morril?

  RNDC, Liz Furia, Dan Hall, Avery, you guys for bartending.

• 1:45:42Mark Normand?

  Yes, Liz-

• 1:45:43Sam Morril?

  Bodega Cat Whiskey.com. It's coming to all these fucking, I mean, we're making progress, right?

• 1:45:49Mark Normand?

  Big progress. We're on the west coast as well, with the Comedy Store, the Improv, the Laugh Factory.

• 1:45:55Sam Morril?

  DM the Bodega Cat Whiskey Instagram if you have any ideas for if you want it there, but man, we're gonna be at Luger's, Peter Luger-

• 1:46:01Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 1:46:02Sam Morril?

  The iconic, that's like the iconic steakhouse. Strip House, which is one of the best spots in the country, I think, I love it. Uh-

• 1:46:09Mark Normand?

  Well, we'll try getting to John's, let's get that John's Italian.

• 1:46:13Sam Morril?

  Old school New York spot should carry this shit, because this is like an old school feeling classic.

• 1:46:17Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:46:18Sam Morril?

  Like, this is fun, man.

• 1:46:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, they, they run the Keens account, too, that RN-

• 1:46:22Sam Morril?

  We gotta get into Keens.

• 1:46:23Mark Normand?

  Keens will have us, and Luger's-

• 1:46:24Sam Morril?

  Fucking, the Mutton?

• 1:46:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, thanks for Mutton.

• 1:46:27Sam Morril?

  Have you had that Mutton?

• 1:46:28Mark Normand?

  Love the Mutton, Mutton chops.

• 1:46:30Sam Morril?

  Jerry, you have to try the Mutton.

• 1:46:33Mark Normand?

  I'm sure it had parrots.

• 1:46:36Sam Morril?

  We guys, love you guys. Fun to do a solo up here, we love you guys, Peter, Salamanca, fucking-

• 1:46:42Mark Normand?

  Herman wants to say a few words.

• 1:46:44Speaker 03

  I was just gonna say shout out to, you know, the Rhode Island-

• 1:46:46Mark Normand?

  Get a microphone.

• 1:46:47Speaker 03

  Lynn Moran.

• 1:46:48Mark Normand?

  They can't hear you without a mic.

• 1:46:50Speaker 06

  Just shout out to McLaughlin Moran in Rhode Island.

• 1:46:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:46:53Speaker 06

  Comedy Connection and

• 1:46:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:46:56Speaker 06

  Uh, out there and Mark, I don't know if you know this yet, but we're gonna do a bottle signing, probably again, and while you're in Providence.

• 1:47:02Mark Normand?

  All right, let's do it.

• 1:47:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's gonna be good.

• 1:47:04Sam Morril?

  And we got Miami Improv, all these new

• 1:47:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:47:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:47:08Speaker 06

  Miami Improv just brought it in.

• 1:47:09Sam Morril?

  We gotta get on Dania.

• 1:47:11Speaker 06

  Dania Beach?

• 1:47:12Sam Morril?

  Dania Beach.

• 1:47:12Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, yeah, we're working on that one, too.

• 1:47:14Sam Morril?

  Arizona wants it.

• 1:47:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, Arizona wants it. We gotta find a distributor, so any distributors in Arizona.

• 1:47:20Mark Normand?

  I'll get us into Dallas and Houston as well. I'm doing that one in January.

• 1:47:23Speaker 06

  Texas, so yeah.

• 1:47:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 1:47:26Sam Morril?

  We're cooking.

• 1:47:26Speaker 06

  I got followed.

• 1:47:27Mark Normand?

  I'll get the contact for you.

• 1:47:30Sam Morril?

  Uh, we're cooking, man. I feel good after last night, not physically, of course, but optimistic.

• 1:47:34Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:47:35Sam Morril?

  And we love you guys. Thanks for listening. Tell your friends. Go through all the episodes. We have so many good episodes lately.

• 1:47:40Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:47:41Sam Morril?

  We're grateful for you guys, so thanks for, you know, we're wrapping up almost another year, so we got some holiday apps coming up. I can't wait.

• 1:47:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, we got some bangers in the can, so you guys are in for a treat and we'll see you in hell. Happy holidays.

• 1:49:09Speaker 04

  ...