Bobby Lee w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Bobby Lee joins Mark and Sam to recap the Netflix comedy brunch, meeting Eddie Murphy, and Mark bombing with Jerry Seinfeld. Plus, Bobby explains how he became “Billy Lee,” shares dating disasters in Hawaii, and opens up about social anxiety, friendship, and his upcoming Hulu special. Sponsored by: Fabletics: Save 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take the style quiz and select WMBD when prompted.https://www.fabletics.com/WMBD Willie’s Remedy: Get 20% off your first order with code WMBD, plus free shipping on orders over $95.https://www.drinkwillies.com Tempo: Get 60% off your first box. Rules and restrictions may apply.https://www.tempomeals.com/DRUNK Hims: Visit Hims for personalized treatment plans for sex, hair, weight loss, and more.https://www.hims.com/DRUNK Bobby Lee:Tickets: https://www.bobbylee.live/tourInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleeliveTigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #BobbyLee #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Fabletics #WilliesRemedy #Tempo #Hims #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Speaker 00

  But, you know what I mean? I love you guys so much. Really good to be here. Thanks for having me here.

• 0:11Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  Right? What a pleasure to see you guys two days in a row.

• 0:15Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  You and your skateboarding ass wolf laugh.

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, I don't know.

• 0:21Sam Morril?

  Cheers, buddy.

• 0:22Mark Normand?

  Hey, Mazel tov.

• 0:23Sam Morril?

  Cheers to the special.

• 0:24Speaker 00

  So we, so we, um...

• 0:25Mark Normand?

  Hulu, baby.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  Hulu, look, Hulu.

• 0:27Mark Normand?

  The Hulu Fest, that's what we're calling it.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  But you know what? Netflix is a joke.

• 0:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's good.

• 0:34Mark Normand?

  Well, that's the language.

• 0:35Sam Morril?

  That was quite the party today.

• 0:36Speaker 00

  So, I'll, I'll, every year, so, let people, your fans know.

• 0:41Sam Morril?

  We were just at the Netflix brunch.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  So there's a brunch every year.

• 0:44Mark Normand?

  Ted Sarandos' house.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  Andrew and I, Santino, headliner.

• 0:49Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 0:50Speaker 00

  Pretty big deal.

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  He is.

• 0:51Speaker 00

  Been in movies. Anyway, um...

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 0:53Speaker 00

  He hasn't?

• 0:54Sam Morril?

  No, no.

• 0:55Speaker 00

  I M D A B M, dude.

• 0:56Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 0:57Sam Morril?

  No, we tried to get him.

• 0:57Speaker 00

  You didn't know, dude?

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  He was busy. We tried to get him for this.

• 0:59Speaker 00

  He was at a house party, dude.

• 1:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:01Speaker 00

  With Kevin Hart, he did Davy.

• 1:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:05Sam Morril?

  Dave.

• 1:06Mark Normand?

  No E, Dave, whatever.

• 1:08Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  Alright, anyway, so every year...

• 1:11Mark Normand?

  We know Andrew. He, he said no, so we got you.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Come on, man.

• 1:15Sam Morril?

  I said the same joke a second ago. I got nothing. I hate when that happens.

• 1:18Mark Normand?

  That was...

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  I hate it when, when you make the joke, no one hears it, and then the next guy makes a joke.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  I'll tell you why. Either one of them wasn't a joke.

• 1:25Mark Normand?

  No, we're joking.

• 1:26Sam Morril?

  We did, we did try.

• 1:27Speaker 00

  Oh, with him?

• 1:28Sam Morril?

  No, it's a joke.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  I think we went negative. I think we went negative upfront because I was just like, what the fuck are we doing? You know what I mean? But it was like, so anyway, every year, me and Andrew put up that photo of the Netflix brunch, and we pretend where we would be sitting.

• 1:42Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:43Speaker 00

  So I was like, I would be in the Asian section with, you know what I mean? Ken Jeong and Huda...

• 1:48Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 1:48Speaker 00

  And Huda...

• 1:49Sam Morril?

  We met him for the first time. He was very nice.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  Whatever their names are, you know what I mean?

• 1:52Mark Normand?

  Jimmy Oh Yang.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, Chang Chang Chang Chang, or whatever, right?

• 1:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  But, uh, I don't know their names, but they're getting good stuff.

• 1:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, fly lights.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  The crazy stuff.

• 2:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good.

• 2:00Speaker 00

  But anyway, this year, Andrew and I, and you guys got invited, and we went to the lunch brunch today.

• 2:08Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  And, uh, let's, let's go around the room to see how our experience was.

• 2:15Mark Normand?

  I gotta tell you.

• 2:15Speaker 00

  Go, Mark.

• 2:16Sam Morril?

  You said you had bad news, so is it related to this?

• 2:18Speaker 00

  Is it related to that? Cause I, I did something at the party that was bad.

• 2:21Mark Normand?

  Well, then you go first. But Tom Segura also had an epic bomb with Eddie Murphy.

• 2:24Sam Morril?

  That was crazy.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  I'd like to get out here before every other pod talks about it.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Alright, what, what happened with that bomb?

• 2:29Mark Normand?

  He went and told Eddie Murphy a story. He's very confident. And at the end of the story, Eddie Murphy goes, was that it?

• 2:36Speaker 00

  Oh, shit, that hurts! Oh, that burns! Fuck you, Segura, you got burned!

• 2:42Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 2:43Speaker 00

  You piece of shit, dude.

• 2:44Mark Normand?

  None of...

• 2:44Speaker 00

  Just cause you do sketchy.

• 2:45Sam Morril?

  By the way, that's what I said at the new Beverly Hills Cop movie.

• 2:49Mark Normand?

  Is that it?

• 2:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Anyway, guys, um...

• 2:53Sam Morril?

  I really said that one.

• 2:54Speaker 00

  Bad friends, tiger... No, I'm, I'm saying, um, so, here's another... Well, can I tell you about Eddie Murphy?

• 3:00Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 3:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  He walks right up to me, and he goes, hello, young man. Shook my hand, and I fucking froze. I froze. I was, it's like, I'm, I'm sorry, to me, it's like...

• 3:13Sam Morril?

  No, he's a legend.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  Be honest.

• 3:15Mark Normand?

  Did you bow?

• 3:17Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 3:21Speaker 00

  No, I, I, oh, I'm a huge fa... You know, like, you, it didn't, but I'll tell you what I did.

• 3:27Sam Morril?

  Did you tell me your favorite movie was The Clumps?

• 3:30Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I, I really like, you know, I, I'm older than you guys. So I, I remember when, like, Forty-Eight Hour...

• 3:37Sam Morril?

  Hell, your beanie.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  What?

• 3:38Sam Morril?

  Nothing.

• 3:40Mark Normand?

  Can we get some air in here? Warm.

• 3:44Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  It's kicking in. So, um, that was a nice one, and another thing that, uh, my therapist said was, because normally when I'm in those situations, I hide.

• 3:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  And I think you caught me hiding.

• 3:55Mark Normand?

  I did.

• 3:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:57Mark Normand?

  He was in the bush.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  I was in the bush. I was like, kinda standing there. You, you remember we locked eyes?

• 4:02Mark Normand?

  Yes, I, I went, I see you, Booker.

• 4:04Speaker 00

  And I was so far away in nothing land, right?

• 4:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  But then what I did was, I did what my therapist said. It's just go up to people and introduce yourself.

• 4:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  So I went up to Bob Odenkirk, never met him before.

• 4:16Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  And I go, I'm a big fan, and he, and I go, I love that sketch, Titanica.

• 4:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was classic, Mr. Show.

• 4:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, and he goes, oh, yeah, I'm a fan of you. And we talked, we got a photo, yeah, it was great. I went up to Jon Stewart.

• 4:29Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  Never met him before.

• 4:30Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 4:31Speaker 00

  I go, Bobby, he's like, I'm a fan too, you know what I mean? And it was pretty much working, but then I fucked up. And I wanted to see if you guys think I fucked up.

• 4:38Sam Morril?

  Let's hear it. Let's go.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  I'm a good man. No, no, it's, I wanna start, I, I am a, seriously, I'm a good man.

• 4:49Sam Morril?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  I'm not, I have no color li- lines, blind.

• 4:55Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  I see no color.

• 4:57Sam Morril?

  You said the N-word to Dion.

• 4:58Speaker 00

  No, no, I didn't say anything, no. What, no, I, no, I, I've never even said that.

• 5:02Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  Ever.

• 5:03Mark Normand?

  What?

• 5:03Speaker 00

  I said Nigeria. That's the closest thing.

• 5:06Mark Normand?

  You, you texted it.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  Referings the country.

• 5:08Mark Normand?

  Texted it.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:10Mark Normand?

  I have the text, hold on.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  With a hard A, with a hard A. No, but, um, no, I've said, that's as close, but so, Donnell Rawlings and I, you know, he happens to be in, a black person.

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 5:22Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 5:23Mark Normand?

  He mentions that a lot.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  He just did my podcast yesterday, right? So we have a thing where he does an Asian accent. You go, you know, he'll speak in Korean.

• 5:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  You go, huh, the doodle set net, which is the numbers of Korea.

• 5:35Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 5:36Speaker 00

  And he served in Korea, not the Korean War, but when he was in the, um, he's not that old, but you know what I mean? But, yeah, but, um, he served in Korea when he was in the military.

• 5:45Mark Normand?

  Wow, cool.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, so, um, we make fun of each other in that way, right? So he was at the party with a couple of other black people that I didn't know, but I know, I've seen them online or movies and stuff.

• 5:57Mark Normand?

  Right, right, we cops.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  And he goes, get away from me, son. That's what he says to me.

• 6:00Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  And I go, come on, man, I could be jiving or something.

• 6:06Speaker 00

  And then these two guys walks away like I'm the most racist person in the world. And then I wanna go to him and go, no, that, that's just the way.

• 6:14Mark Normand?

  That's what we do.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  That's what we do, you know what I mean? But now they think I'm a fucking racist!

• 6:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Sam Morril?

  No, you're fine.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  And how is jiving bad?

• 6:23Mark Normand?

  That's seventies black talk.

• 6:24Sam Morril?

  You, you are fucking old, dude. What the hell?

• 6:27Speaker 00

  I know, I was born in seventy-one, dude, at three... You know what I mean? When I watched, you know what I mean, uh, The Jeffersons. As a kid, I was like, man, these people are jiving.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they all look like Shaft.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're cool a ca- cool as cats.

• 6:39Sam Morril?

  You learn to be cool during Melvin Van Peeple's movies, man.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, you understand what I'm saying?

• 6:45Sam Morril?

  Hell, yeah, dawg.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  So that's what, bad thing that happened, but, um, the good stuff is, saw you guys, got hung out with you guys.

• 6:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was fun.

• 6:52Speaker 00

  And then, um, never been invited. I think I had a good, I got a good slot. Where'd you s... In the big photo, where was your slot? I didn't see you guys.

• 6:59Sam Morril?

  I was in the cor- I was deep in the corner, and I was next to Spade. And he had a great line, cause you talk about the picture.

• 7:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:06Sam Morril?

  But the picture, I mean, that was, so many comics were invited this year.

• 7:09Mark Normand?

  It was crazy.

• 7:09Sam Morril?

  There was too many people in the group that they were trying to push people in, and Spade, Jelly Roll's in the picture, and Spade goes,

• 7:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:15Sam Morril?

  Someone's gonna go up to Jelly Roll and go, you didn't make the cut this year, Jelly Roll. I'm sorry.

• 7:20Mark Normand?

  That's funny.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  You know, here's what's mad, what makes me mad about that photo, is there were actors...

• 7:26Sam Morril?

  Your placement?

• 7:26Speaker 00

  There were actors there.

• 7:27Sam Morril?

  Which actor?

• 7:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, good point.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Cause they're my friends, my friends.

• 7:30Mark Normand?

  Molly Shannon?

• 7:31Sam Morril?

  No, no, she's, no, she's a legend. Come on.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  No, no, she's a comedic legend, and they're, yeah, they're comedic actors. They're comedic actors. I, I understand that.

• 7:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  Right? I, I fucking understand that, Sam.

• 7:42Mark Normand?

  Relax, Bobby, relax.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  This is my, this is my normal state, okay?

• 7:45Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  But what I'm saying is, is that, it's like, because you've been in a couple of comedy movies, right? You don't get to be in the photo.

• 7:54Mark Normand?

  It's a stand-up photo.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  It's generally a stand-up, or like, you gotta be like an Odenkirk, cause he was there.

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  He was a stand-up.

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  Mr. Show is, it's also like...

• 8:04Speaker 00

  He's legendary.

• 8:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I know, I just, there are people I'm friends with, but they're like...

• 8:10Sam Morril?

  I saw Bill Simmons in there, and I was like, he's, he's a sports guy.

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  Good point. That's a good one.

• 8:15Speaker 00

  That makes me so mad, I don't even know who that is! Who's Bill Simmons?

• 8:18Mark Normand?

  He's a sports broadcaster.

• 8:19Sam Morril?

  He's a big sports guy.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  But is he funny?

• 8:21Mark Normand?

  He's a hubris.

• 8:22Speaker 00

  Okay, well, that's fine.

• 8:23Mark Normand?

  But we could've got four Brad Williams in there if you lose one Bill Simmons.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  You could have eight.

• 8:29Mark Normand?

  Eight.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cause he's a black person, right? Bill Simmons?

• 8:32Mark Normand?

  No.

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Fuck, four. You're right, four. You're right, four.

• 8:36Mark Normand?

  Man, you don't know any of the blacks, huh?

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  Little John Cats.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  I'd be jiving! But anyway, um, so, it was, I think, a positive experience, and, um...

• 8:46Mark Normand?

  I'm glad I went too.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Right, so, you went through some...

• 8:49Sam Morril?

  We banded together, we banded together.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we had a buddy system.

• 8:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Speaker 00

  Andrew avoided me.

• 8:54Sam Morril?

  We've been doing this since we were young'uns. I mean, we were talking about, you know, back in the day, remember us at open bars when we were super young?

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:00Sam Morril?

  We were the fucking not charming dudes.

• 9:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Sam Morril?

  Too much booze, and then we'd see a few other dudes at these fests, and we were like, don't wanna be that guy.

• 9:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, when you're there, because you're, you're talking also,

• 9:15Speaker 00

  it's Sandler, Seinfeld, I mean, everyone...

• 9:18Mark Normand?

  Letterman, Rob.

• 9:19Sam Morril?

  You had a nice Seinfeld bomb.

• 9:20Mark Normand?

  Seinfeld checked me on one.

• 9:21Sam Morril?

  That was great.

• 9:22Speaker 00

  Oh, tell me, what happened?

• 9:23Mark Normand?

  And it was a black joke.

• 9:25Sam Morril?

  We had Sandler and Seinfeld, and when you're talking to these people, you just see other peo... It's so LA. Other people are like, like, how do I get in?

• 9:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:33Sam Morril?

  And we're just like, ah, fuck. So, yeah, so a couple people came over while we were talking to Sandler, and then a couple people came over during Seinfeld, and, you know, we're like, they're like, introduce me. Like, alright, I'm like, hey, this is, uh, this per... It was Janelle James.

• 9:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you know Janelle James?

• 9:46Speaker 00

  No.

• 9:47Mark Normand?

  Attractive, black woman on...

• 9:48Speaker 00

  I'm sure she's great.

• 9:49Sam Morril?

  Abbott Elementary.

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Oh, she's great.

• 9:51Sam Morril?

  We've known her forever.

• 9:51Speaker 00

  Oh, she's great.

• 9:52Sam Morril?

  So, so we...

• 9:53Speaker 00

  No, I, I don't have to. I, I know, I've seen the show.

• 9:55Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:56Sam Morril?

  And then, what did you, what did you say?

• 9:58Mark Normand?

  So she goes, I've known her for years, she goes, can you introduce me to Jerry? And I was like, yeah, sure. So Jerry's talking to you, or Neil Brennan, or something. So I waited till they were done, and I go, Jerry, this is Monique. And she laughed.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:10Mark Normand?

  And he goes, that's not funny.

• 10:14Speaker 00

  I would have laughed, I was there.

• 10:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm like, we're comedians, she's a comedian, come on Jerry.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  But, you know, I get it, it's not his type of humor.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  That's not his style of comedy.

• 10:24Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  Right, right, right, right.

• 10:25Sam Morril?

  You guys are really bombing with the blacks today, what the hell?

• 10:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, I bombed with the Jew.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Which Jew?

• 10:30Mark Normand?

  Because the black liked Jerry.

• 10:31Speaker 00

  Oh Jerry, you bombed with the Jew, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're-

• 10:35Mark Normand?

  I went Lebanon. But, uh-

• 10:39Speaker 00

  Southern. Southern Lebanon.

• 10:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's, I don't know, neither north nor south, you're thinking of Korea.

• 10:47Sam Morril?

  We, uh, yeah, we had to turn down a, I don't know if you're gonna take it, I had to turn down a private jet with the Seinfelds back to New York, I was pretty upset.

• 10:54Mark Normand?

  I think it was an empty offer.

• 10:56Sam Morril?

  No, she, she-

• 10:57Speaker 00

  Okay, wait, wait, tell-

• 10:58Sam Morril?

  She texted me when I got back to the hotel, are you coming?

• 11:00Mark Normand?

  What?

• 11:01Speaker 00

  Wait, wait, wait, tell me the, tell me the offer.

• 11:03Mark Normand?

  You gotta set me up.

• 11:04Speaker 00

  Tell me the offer.

• 11:04Mark Normand?

  I don't know, if that's allowed.

• 11:05Sam Morril?

  Jessica Seinfeld and Jerry are there and they said, you know, we're flying back to New York in the morning.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:10Sam Morril?

  You should come with.

• 11:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:11Sam Morril?

  And I was like, I'm in, you forget you have plans the next day, I was like, I'm in.

• 11:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's a jet.

• 11:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:18Sam Morril?

  I'm in, yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  I would have cancelled that and gone to the flight.

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  The flight is the gig.

• 11:22Speaker 00

  But you know what, him and his wife?

• 11:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  I did one function where they were there, and they kept calling me Billy Lee.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  All day long. Billy Lee, things were coming, right, and I couldn't-

• 11:35Mark Normand?

  Billy Lee?

• 11:36Speaker 00

  I was with, I, I, I was with Apatow, Apatow invited me.

• 11:40Mark Normand?

  Sounds like a country singer.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Right, right, so they kept going Billy Lee, and then Apatow at one point was like, you should correct them, and I go, and I gotta keep, keep, keep, keep, because I, at that, I, I couldn't-

• 11:50Sam Morril?

  At that point you were Billy Lee.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  I was Billy Lee, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I was so scared and I didn't have boundaries, and I was like, now with all the work I've been doing, I'd be like, excuse me, you, you've called me Billy Lee like fifteen times, it's actually Bobby. I'd wait for the fourteenth time though.

• 12:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I just, I had the same thing the other day, this guy saw me at my show, I get off stage, he goes, can I get a photo, I'm a huge fan, and I took a photo and he goes, thanks Mike. And I'm like, you're a huge fan, you were at my show, ten seconds ago, and now you're, you called me-

• 12:20Sam Morril?

  I just would do that to me once with you, they were talking me up forever, then took a picture and go, thank you so much Mark, and I went, go fuck yourself, and they went, oh my god, and they wrote me a DM, I'm so sorry.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do feel bad.

• 12:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  But I, I, I also wanna say this, okay, which is, this is gonna sound so stupid and gross, I might not even say it.

• 12:38Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 12:39Sam Morril?

  Just say it.

• 12:40Speaker 00

  It's, you know, there, there's so much anxiety, right, and, um, it's almost a miracle that you can get through it.

• 12:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:51Mark Normand?

  What, the party? Or what?

• 12:53Speaker 00

  No.

• 12:54Mark Normand?

  What are you talking about?

• 12:55Speaker 00

  Coachella two weeks, yes, the party.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  Okay, alright.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  What the fuck, this guy?

• 12:58Mark Normand?

  Well, we were off on other stuff.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  What are you doing, what are you doing?

• 13:00Sam Morril?

  Well, we were, we were peeking around, you know, we were trying to get, yeah, but I, I had to, I'm bummed I wanted to do this, but, you know.

• 13:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:06Sam Morril?

  Would have been a little stressful. It's a long flight.

• 13:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but it's worth it.

• 13:11Sam Morril?

  And it would have been fun.

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  You would have bombed it.

• 13:12Speaker 00

  You mean, you mean the plane ride?

• 13:14Sam Morril?

  It would have been fun.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I don't know him because he, he thinks I'm Billy Lee.

• 13:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I wouldn't do it, but my point is, is that, I'm sure he's a nice guy.

• 13:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's cool.

• 13:21Mark Normand?

  She texted you?

• 13:22Sam Morril?

  She texted, it wasn't empty, she goes, are you coming or not?

• 13:24Speaker 00

  What do you have tomorrow?

• 13:26Sam Morril?

  My friend Julian Edelman's podcast, and he's, he's a good friend, I can't cancel it.

• 13:29Speaker 00

  That's so dumb, cancel it.

• 13:31Sam Morril?

  He's my buddy, dude.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  I've never even heard of him.

• 13:33Mark Normand?

  He's a football player.

• 13:35Speaker 00

  Never heard of him.

• 13:35Mark Normand?

  Hall of Fame.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  It's not on my sport.

• 13:37Mark Normand?

  Or a Super Bowl winner. MVP.

• 13:39Speaker 00

  You know what sport I like, right?

• 13:40Sam Morril?

  What?

• 13:41Speaker 00

  You don't know what team I like?

• 13:42Mark Normand?

  Wait, don't tell me. Mahjong?

• 13:49Sam Morril?

  What do you want?

• 13:49Mark Normand?

  Chinese checkers.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  That's not a sport?

• 13:51Sam Morril?

  Soccer?

• 13:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but what team?

• 13:54Sam Morril?

  Arsenal.

• 13:55Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 13:56Sam Morril?

  I heard you talking upstairs, I- Thought he was a guest. So I pulled that out of thin air?

• 14:01Speaker 00

  I was like, oh, Sam really knows me, we're actual friends, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So you didn't know that about me?

• 14:07Mark Normand?

  I knew you liked soccer and an English team.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I would have cancelled, whatever, what's his name, Jamal? What's the first name?

• 14:13Sam Morril?

  Uh, Billy Lee.

• 14:14Speaker 00

  Billy, no, Billy Lee, yeah.

• 14:15Sam Morril?

  No, Julian Edelman, he's my buddy, he just did a big thing for me in my movie, I, I love me, I, I gotta do it.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  Wait, wait, you had a movie?

• 14:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:22Mark Normand?

  He's not a movie.

• 14:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Are you in it?

• 14:24Mark Normand?

  I am.

• 14:24Sam Morril?

  He's in it. I mentioned it to you.

• 14:28Mark Normand?

  So she didn't mention me in the text?

• 14:30Sam Morril?

  No.

• 14:30Mark Normand?

  Alright, so I wasn't invited.

• 14:32Sam Morril?

  I think you're invited.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Can we go back to the movie?

• 14:35Mark Normand?

  Alright, because I'd love to get on that flight.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  Can we go back to the movie?

• 14:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:38Sam Morril?

  I wrote this great character as an Asian guy named Billy in it, you would have killed him.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm probably-

• 14:45Sam Morril?

  You're a good actor, dude.

• 14:46Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  Shut the fuck up.

• 14:47Mark Normand?

  You are good.

• 14:48Speaker 00

  That's ridiculous.

• 14:49Mark Normand?

  Sex in the City. He's in that.

• 14:52Sam Morril?

  Howie and Kumar.

• 14:53Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 14:54Sam Morril?

  The average Asian.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  Shafir last, Shafir last night ripping me apart because of Sex in the City.

• 14:59Sam Morril?

  Oh, he was being-

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Repeating a line that I said in the show, he goes, that's the worst acting I've ever seen any comedian-

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  What?

• 15:06Speaker 00

  -actor do, and I, he goes, you're good in Red Dog though, and I'm like, yeah, but dude, it's not like, I'm, I did the line the way-

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  Ari was hard on you.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Well, he's hard on me, I did the line, like, I thought it should be, but then they're like, can you do that like this? Right, so then you end up doing it the way they want you to do it?

• 15:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  And then all of a sudden, you have Ari Shafir going, ripping you apart because he thinks I'm a bad actor.

• 15:33Sam Morril?

  Ari watched the new Sex in the City?

• 15:35Mark Normand?

  That's what I was thinking. He should be ridiculed.

• 15:38Sam Morril?

  How did we not spin this on him last night? How is this just hitting me?

• 15:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:42Sam Morril?

  What the fuck?

• 15:42Mark Normand?

  Were you there when he was saying it?

• 15:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was there.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  You didn't, you defended me?

• 15:46Sam Morril?

  I was laughing.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  Oh, I know, I know.

• 15:48Sam Morril?

  It was funny.

• 15:49Speaker 00

  Were you there too, right?

• 15:50Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  You were on stage.

• 15:51Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, you were back in the green?

• 15:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, you saw me.

• 15:55Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on, hold on.

• 15:57Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 15:58Speaker 00

  It's my agent.

• 15:59Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Can I pick it up?

• 16:00Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 16:01Sam Morril?

  You put him on speaker?

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Hello?

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, no service.

• 16:08Speaker 00

  Hello?

• 16:11Mark Normand?

  We're in a basement.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  I'll call you later.

• 16:14Sam Morril?

  That was good content, dude. Good instincts.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  Just cut that out.

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, no, no, keep it in, dude.

• 16:20Mark Normand?

  But wait, didn't you and Ari get into a fistfight back in the eighties?

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Fistfight? He beat the shit out of me.

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  Whoa, what happened?

• 16:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not a fistfight when I'm not punching.

• 16:30Sam Morril?

  You just let him beat the shit out of you?

• 16:32Speaker 00

  He attacked me from behind.

• 16:34Mark Normand?

  What?

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Literally above where we're sitting right now.

• 16:39Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 16:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:40Sam Morril?

  You know what I heard, I heard your performance when he beat you up was not good.

• 16:45Speaker 00

  It was upstage, but I went up after he beat me up, with a black eye.

• 16:49Sam Morril?

  What?

• 16:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I had a bloody face. I went up still.

• 16:53Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he beat the shit out of me upstairs.

• 16:56Sam Morril?

  Why'd he do this?

• 16:57Speaker 00

  It's, you wanna hear the long story, it's a long ass fucking story.

• 17:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, I, I do know this.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, well, then why do we even need to Google it?

• 17:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, really, it's out there?

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Well, I've said it on podcasts before, if you wanna hear it, I could tell you.

• 17:08Mark Normand?

  But you guys are cool now.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, he just did my podcast.

• 17:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it was great.

• 17:13Mark Normand?

  Okay, good.

• 17:14Speaker 00

  But no, we're very good friends, he's, he pooed up my car.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a sign of luck.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Another thing he did, you know what I mean, but he's done a lot of things, he strangled me once.

• 17:21Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  I had, I had scratch marks all over my neck.

• 17:24Mark Normand?

  What the fuck?

• 17:25Speaker 00

  And I had a girlfriend at the time, Sarah, and I went upstairs because she was a comic, and I go, Ari Shafir just scratched my neck, and it was like bleeding my neck.

• 17:32Sam Morril?

  What, what is up with Ari? Because he's never done anything shitty to me, but I hear stories.

• 17:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  But you mean, you and Bert, has he done anything really bad to you?

• 17:40Mark Normand?

  Not really, no, he tried to drug me with Bert, but I couldn't make it.

• 17:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, he does stuff like that, you know what I mean, but, you know, it's okay.

• 17:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, he, yeah, I mean-

• 17:49Sam Morril?

  There should have been some woman with that Cosby story too, I couldn't make it, and, uh-

• 17:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, that's true.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  So give me the bad news.

• 17:57Mark Normand?

  Uh, alright, you ready for this?

• 17:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:59Mark Normand?

  So, got a gig tomorrow in Toronto.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Woo!

• 18:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's gonna be a bitch of a flight, cross-country, early, nightmare, I'll be hungover, but I had a decent seat, and I realized, huh, I should check in for my flight. Checking in on the app.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  Scan your passport, and I go, oh, I'm going to Canada, I forgot, so now, I have to go home on a red eye tonight, get my passport in the morning, and then fly to Toronto.

• 18:29Speaker 00

  I would cancel the gig.

• 18:30Mark Normand?

  It's a casino gig, it's big money, it's sold out.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Cancel the gig.

• 18:34Mark Normand?

  Big money!

• 18:35Sam Morril?

  Don't listen to him, this guy doesn't give a shit about stand-up.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, here, here, look at me right now, dude.

• 18:40Mark Normand?

  It's not a casino, it's Sex in the City three.

• 18:41Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I'm with-

• 18:43Mark Normand?

  I gotta do it.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  Can I just, can I make my point?

• 18:45Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  Okay, shut the fuck up, okay?

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez.

• 18:48Speaker 00

  I care about stand-up, okay?

• 18:49Sam Morril?

  No, you do.

• 18:50Mark Normand?

  He's doing a special for Hulu.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, but the whole reason why we do this, right, is to, for pleasure. It shouldn't be stressful.

• 18:59Mark Normand?

  And, but I fucked up, I messed up.

• 19:02Speaker 00

  What? What, what?

• 19:04Mark Normand?

  This is a new side, this is Barry Lee.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is Billy Lee, this is Billy Lee, yeah. You wanna be Bill, eh, you want me to be fucking Billy Lee? I'm gonna be fucking Billy Lee if you want to.

• 19:14Sam Morril?

  This guy can act.

• 19:15Mark Normand?

  Look at the actor, yeah.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  How you doing?

• 19:16Mark Normand?

  He's got chops.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  How you doing, I'm from Brooklyn. Okay, forget about it.

• 19:21Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  Eh, you say what's up, what's going on? Eh, I'm Andrew Dice, Rice Clay.

• 19:28Mark Normand?

  Andrew Rice Clay.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, Andrew Rice Clay, over here, you know?

• 19:32Sam Morril?

  What's happening?

• 19:33Speaker 00

  I'm Vinny, I'm Vinny Small Eyes. You know what I mean? How you doing? Hey, I'm walking here, I'm walking here. Ba-da-boom, ba-da-bing, I'm Billy Lee. Now, let me tell you something, okay? Let me tell you something, okay? My friend.

• 19:47Mark Normand?

  I'm listening.

• 19:48Speaker 00

  Alright, for me, it's about relaxation. It's about, you know, peace.

• 19:53Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 19:54Speaker 00

  No anxiety.

• 19:55Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  My friend, you understand what I'm saying?

• 19:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:58Sam Morril?

  Once you drop that out, there's gonna be some anxiety.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  I know, but my point is, is that I would've canceled it.

• 20:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but it's tomorrow. I fucked up, it's on me.

• 20:08Sam Morril?

  I respect what you're doing.

• 20:09Mark Normand?

  I have to do it.

• 20:09Sam Morril?

  How late do you, how late's the flight?

• 20:11Mark Normand?

  Midnight.

• 20:12Sam Morril?

  That's not that bad.

• 20:13Mark Normand?

  So I'll get there at 11.

• 20:14Sam Morril?

  You'll sleep on the flight, and then you'll, uh...

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Cause you're chasing the carrot.

• 20:18Mark Normand?

  Well, I fucked up.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  It's the only way.

• 20:20Speaker 00

  Here's what's funny about comics.

• 20:21Mark Normand?

  I could've overnighted it, but it's not the time.

• 20:23Speaker 00

  Here's what's funny about comics, okay? They're afraid to cancel gigs. Cause like, oh, they're never, they're gonna have you back.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  It's an integrity thing.

• 20:30Sam Morril?

  It's also night before's a dick moves to cancel.

• 20:33Speaker 00

  I've canceled the day of.

• 20:34Sam Morril?

  Well, that's fucking unprofessional.

• 20:36Speaker 00

  Sold out, like, I'm not, I, I don't wanna do it. Right, and they're like, I, we can't, we sold it out. I, you know what I mean?

• 20:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  And I just don't show up.

• 20:47Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  They refund the tickets, and guess what, guy? The next year, come back!

• 20:53Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 20:53Speaker 00

  Yeah. Don't go.

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  Whoa. That's gonna hurt my career. You're gonna ruin me, like the devil.

• 20:59Speaker 00

  I'm not the devil.

• 21:00Mark Normand?

  I got the angel and the devil here.

• 21:01Sam Morril?

  Don't listen to this episode.

• 21:03Speaker 00

  Yo, yo, yo, yo, hey, how you doing?

• 21:05Mark Normand?

  That's a good point. He's got a point.

• 21:07Speaker 00

  You, you, you want some of this? Okay, you don't want this guy to come out.

• 21:11Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 21:12Speaker 00

  Do you understand what I'm saying?

• 21:14Mark Normand?

  I don't know if you're a cholo, Italian.

• 21:17Sam Morril?

  This is a mix of every stereotype.

• 21:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  How you doing?

• 21:21Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  Sometimes the Asian goes out.

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  That one I know.

• 21:23Speaker 00

  You wanna fuck with me? Okay, so what I'm saying to you is this, dude. Is that I do this...

• 21:30Mark Normand?

  Red Eye.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  What?

• 21:31Mark Normand?

  Red Eye.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do this because that would stress me the fuck out.

• 21:35Mark Normand?

  I'm stressed.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Right, and it's like, here, I have another rule. If I don't have a certain percentage of seats sold, even day of, I, contractually, I don't do it.

• 21:46Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 21:47Sam Morril?

  That's really unprofessional.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  It's not unprofessional, you put it in the contract.

• 21:50Sam Morril?

  That you can cancel if you're not happy?

• 21:52Speaker 00

  No, you cancel if it's not like 85% sold.

• 21:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa. That's cra- what about the 84%?

• 21:59Sam Morril?

  What does the venue do?

• 22:01Speaker 00

  Forget about it, how you doing?

• 22:05Speaker 00

  Move on, you know? No, um, what, what, what does the venue do?

• 22:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  It's in the contract, so it's like, you know what I mean? They try to like, you know what I mean? Discount tickets and this and that, so it builds up, but it's like, my point is, is that, by, by the way, this is a new rule I have.

• 22:22Sam Morril?

  Okay, Bill Maher.

• 22:23Speaker 00

  I just put this, I just put this rule in Monday.

• 22:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:27Mark Normand?

  It's a new rule.

• 22:28Speaker 00

  It's a new rule.

• 22:29Sam Morril?

  What is it?

• 22:30Speaker 00

  That rule.

• 22:30Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the fuck...

• 22:33Sam Morril?

  Thought it was another rule.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  No, no, that's the rule. Anyway, um, yeah, but go to the Red Eye, I guess go to Toronto.

• 22:38Mark Normand?

  I gotta do it.

• 22:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, you don't have to, but that's you.

• 22:40Sam Morril?

  No, you're doing, you're doing the right thing.

• 22:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think you are, because I think that we, we're chasing this carrot as if like, if we get this amount, or if we do this and that, I'll be happy.

• 22:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 00

  And it's like...

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  This has nothing to do with happiness.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:54Mark Normand?

  This is hell.

• 22:55Speaker 00

  I know, so you're...

• 22:57Sam Morril?

  He's doing his job, you fucking idiot.

• 22:59Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 22:59Sam Morril?

  What are you talking about?

• 23:00Mark Normand?

  I was employed.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  You feel like you're in hell, right?

• 23:02Mark Normand?

  I'm in hell, why would I?

• 23:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not why we do it. Is to feel like we're in hell.

• 23:09Mark Normand?

  But I fucked up.

• 23:10Speaker 00

  No, you didn't fuck up.

• 23:11Mark Normand?

  I forgot my passport.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  You know, humans are, make mistakes.

• 23:13Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 23:14Speaker 00

  I made so many mistakes in my life.

• 23:16Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  Okay?

• 23:17Mark Normand?

  So did your mom.

• 23:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, that's not called, hey, how you doing? What the fuck you talking about?

• 23:23Mark Normand?

  That was uncalled for.

• 23:24Speaker 00

  You know, she should've got an abortion, is that what you're saying?

• 23:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, baby.

• 23:27Speaker 00

  Anyway, um, maybe.

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  She was holding out for Billy.

• 23:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Bobby.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  But, so you've never canceled before?

• 23:34Mark Normand?

  I've canceled, but it's got...

• 23:35Speaker 00

  What are the reasons why?

• 23:36Mark Normand?

  The only other time, I had 10 sold-out shows at the Addison Improv, and I canceled cause I had a baby.

• 23:43Sam Morril?

  That's, that's understandable.

• 23:44Speaker 00

  That's insane.

• 23:45Mark Normand?

  Or the day before, or something crazy.

• 23:46Speaker 00

  10 sold-out shows at Addison?

• 23:48Mark Normand?

  I even was like, maybe I can do like the last four of them, you know? I was even like, looking at it, my wife was like, shut up, fuck it! C-section, open, baby screaming.

• 23:57Sam Morril?

  And then the baby was born, and you added another 14 shows.

• 23:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  So what was the consequences of you canceling those?

• 24:02Mark Normand?

  I did it a full year later.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  That's what I'm fucking just saying.

• 24:07Sam Morril?

  Was the baby just born early, is that...

• 24:08Speaker 00

  You can cancel Toronto a year later, that you can do it, have another baby.

• 24:12Mark Normand?

  That's not bad.

• 24:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can just call Toronto, goes, my wife is, how does she know?

• 24:17Sam Morril?

  Would you ever have a kid, or no?

• 24:19Speaker 00

  Let me tell you something, it's so loud, it's, whatever show is going up there, it's half-full.

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  So Bobby won't do it.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's like a daytime, you know what I mean? Like, we gotta get, you know, they're, they're up-and-comers, and we gotta, you know what I mean? And they, they're bringing their bongo drums, and they're, and I don't like it.

• 24:36Mark Normand?

  This is some real...

• 24:37Speaker 00

  I don't like it at all, dude.

• 24:38Mark Normand?

  Some LA shit.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  We're professional people down here, trying to podcast.

• 24:41Sam Morril?

  You dodged a question, I, I asked you a question.

• 24:42Speaker 00

  Would you ask me the question?

• 24:43Sam Morril?

  Would you ever have a kid?

• 24:44Speaker 00

  Oh, I was gonna answer it, I'm not afraid of that, that question. You know what, dude, your smile and your smirk, I love it, dude. Alright, so, um, would I ever have a kid? Well, um, you know, I made a couple of choices back in the day where I, and then, you know what I mean?

• 25:00Mark Normand?

  Push it down the stairs?

• 25:02Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 25:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got pegged?

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Coat hanger.

• 25:05Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 25:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, nice.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I'm kidding, that's so dark. I'm a Christian, I don't believe in stuff like that, but, um, I did, you know, we made decisions on like, you know what I mean? And so, you know, I mean...

• 25:15Sam Morril?

  What decisions?

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Well, what, what do you think it is?

• 25:18Sam Morril?

  An abortion.

• 25:19Speaker 00

  Whatever you call it.

• 25:20Sam Morril?

  That's what you call it.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Well, in New York, in California, we talk to say something different. We get rid of it.

• 25:26Sam Morril?

  An abortion!

• 25:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:29Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, um, and I regret, I regretted those.

• 25:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah?

• 25:34Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, I regretted those.

• 25:36Sam Morril?

  How old were you?

• 25:39Speaker 00

  Forty-five.

• 25:41Sam Morril?

  That's too old to get abortions.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  You think so?

• 25:44Sam Morril?

  I think there's a limit where you walk in, they should be like, no, you gotta have this.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  But my new girlfriend now, I've even told her, I go, if we happen to get pregnant, we're keeping the baby.

• 25:51Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 25:52Sam Morril?

  How old is she now?

• 25:52Speaker 00

  What? She's 35.

• 25:54Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 25:55Mark Normand?

  That's, that's a solid age for a kid, for a lady.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 26:01Sam Morril?

  Are you, are you, are you raw dogging, or are you trying to do it?

• 26:04Speaker 00

  Well, I, I always raw dog.

• 26:07Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 26:07Sam Morril?

  By the way, can I tell you something you did to me, that you don't even know you did to me?

• 26:10Mark Normand?

  You dogged her.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  But I, I don't wanna get in trouble here, what is it?

• 26:13Sam Morril?

  No, no, it's not actual trouble, but, I did your pod, and I was staying with a woman in LA when I did it, and we always talk about getting in trouble with women on podcasts. You told a really funny sex story that you did, and I was like, okay, I gotta match Bobby, so I tell a story.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 26:31Sam Morril?

  And, uh, and then the podcast comes out, and she goes, what the fuck? She hears it, and she goes, what the fuck was that story you told? I was like, I was just matching Bobby's energy, and she goes, what do you mean his energy? I was like, he told a story before me, she goes, no he didn't, I was like, you fucking, you told a crazy story to get a good story out of me, and then you cut your story.

• 26:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, you aborted it!

• 26:49Sam Morril?

  So I look like a fucking psycho.

• 26:51Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 26:52Sam Morril?

  And, uh...

• 26:53Mark Normand?

  Good move.

• 26:53Sam Morril?

  I got in some hot water, dude.

• 26:55Speaker 00

  It's North Korean trickery.

• 26:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:57Sam Morril?

  It was a real...

• 26:57Speaker 00

  I have some genetics from North Korea.

• 27:00Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, so it's like, you know, we say, claim we have a nuclear bomb, we may or may not.

• 27:05Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 27:05Speaker 00

  It's trickery.

• 27:06Sam Morril?

  They do.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, so I cut my part out to make you look crazy.

• 27:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 27:10Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  I apologize for that.

• 27:12Sam Morril?

  That was some fucking...

• 27:13Speaker 00

  That's bullshit.

• 27:14Sam Morril?

  That was some trickery.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  Can I just say something?

• 27:15Sam Morril?

  Please.

• 27:16Speaker 00

  Okay, it's really, I don't edit the podcast?

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Okay?

• 27:22Speaker 00

  I really don't, and if you know my work, I think, and you know this to be true, right? That I have nothing to do with anything. That's always my...

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  Right, so it's like, you know, Andrew does everything.

• 27:34Sam Morril?

  You did not come off well in this story, it wasn't like anything really bad, but you didn't come off well, and neither did I, that's why I told mine, I was like, a self-deprecating tale, I'll tell one as well.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, what was my story?

• 27:45Sam Morril?

  I don't wanna say. Cause, cause you, you clearly cut it for a reason.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  But you have control of cutting in this one. So I could tell the story, and then, you know what I mean, make me look bad.

• 27:56Sam Morril?

  I think you were with someone.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  No, forget it. Um, cut that out, please.

• 28:00Sam Morril?

  Well, cut it.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

• 28:03Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 28:03Speaker 00

  Um, we got, got in trouble, you know?

• 28:05Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, let's move on.

• 28:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, good. Cut.

• 28:09Sam Morril?

  Of course, of course, yeah, of course.

• 28:12Speaker 00

  And I promise you this, from now on, I won't do that ever again.

• 28:14Sam Morril?

  Oh, I'm not actually mad. It was pretty, I laughed when it happened.

• 28:17Speaker 00

  Anyway, I apologize.

• 28:17Mark Normand?

  That's a pretty good move, too.

• 28:19Speaker 00

  It's a pretty good move, you know, um, I apologize for that, and, um, what a beautiful day we had today.

• 28:26Mark Normand?

  Hell of a day, but boy, it triggered high school. It was like, the hierarchies and who's cool. I even saw Nikki Glaser, I've known for 20 years, I'm like, can I say hi to Nikki?

• 28:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:36Mark Normand?

  So then I waved her over.

• 28:37Sam Morril?

  No, and then she was super.

• 28:38Mark Normand?

  And it was super cool.

• 28:39Sam Morril?

  Super fun, yeah.

• 28:40Mark Normand?

  But you get in your head, it's all, we're all in our head.

• 28:42Speaker 00

  It's, it's, it's this, it's, we've nev- I've, I try to tell those people, and people think I'm being arrogant, or, um, but you, no matter where you are in life, you take yourself with you, you know?

• 28:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 28:56Speaker 00

  And it's like, no matter what I get, no matter what happens, I feel like a loser. And I've always felt that way in high school, and none of the stuff that's happened to me in my life has changed the way I feel about myself, right?

• 29:12Mark Normand?

  The cement is dry.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, so when I'm in those places and I see all these people, I literally think, do I belong here? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? And then I have to go, yeah, you got invited. And I know the podcasting numbers and this and that, so you know what I mean, you, you do the math, but still, you, you still feel that kid that's like, you know, you know, like, I wanna kill myself.

• 29:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:36Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally, but Eddie Murphy said hi to you, so that's something.

• 29:38Speaker 00

  I know, like, when I was eight years old, I remember, cause my dad was so violent and stuff, and I, and I just, I would bully at school, they thought I was an Eskimo, cause I live in Minnesota, they throw ice balls at my face. And it's, yeah, yeah, Eskimo, and they would throw ice at me, you know what I mean, you know what I mean? I'd have to run like I'm an Eskimo, you know what I mean?

• 29:52Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  I don't even know how, oh, they could call them Inuits now, I apologize even, but anyway, um, you know, don't, please, don't cancel me about that. But, um, but let me say this, it's so, you know, back then even as a kid, I was like, oh, I hate life. I hate this place, you know what I mean? And I had this intuition of like, you know what I mean, what is the point of all this?

• 30:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And then when you get in your teens, you get into like Sartre or like existentialism.

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:19Speaker 00

  You start reading Dostoevsky or whatever, or Kierkegaard.

• 30:22Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 30:23Speaker 00

  If you're in trembling, you know what I mean? And you try to like, you know what I mean, read things that are like, like a mind did. And then the pain gets great enough where you go, it's either I do stand up, or I, nothing.

• 30:39Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 30:39Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And that's what drove me into doing comedy. It's like, live life to its fullest, or, because I've always felt that way about myself. Now, through therapy and medication and all that stuff, I feel better, but anyway, I, it's a comedy podcast, and I don't know why.

• 30:55Mark Normand?

  Way to take it down there.

• 30:56Speaker 00

  So I apologize, it was boring, but, um.

• 30:58Mark Normand?

  Holy hell.

• 30:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I just wanna be real for, why can't I be real for a second?

• 31:04Mark Normand?

  Sit down.

• 31:05Speaker 00

  I know, but why can't I be real for a second?

• 31:07Mark Normand?

  You can be real, you're the one walking away.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, why can't I reveal things about myself, you know what I mean?

• 31:13Mark Normand?

  No, I get it.

• 31:13Sam Morril?

  I was moved until the breakdown at the end, I thought that was, I thought it was compelling, I was, I was locked on you.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  The people upstairs are bombing so hard, there's no laughter, you just hear the music.

• 31:23Mark Normand?

  I know, it's bad.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  If you need music.

• 31:26Sam Morril?

  There's too much going on in comedy clubs right now, like, we're at the Comedy Cellar, they got the band playing upstairs.

• 31:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:31Sam Morril?

  We're going down, it's leaking in, we're like, what the fuck is this?

• 31:33Speaker 00

  What the fuck is going on?

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  It's too much.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  It's too much, it's like, it's like, if you're a guitar act, that's fine, I like that.

• 31:40Sam Morril?

  No, you don't.

• 31:42Speaker 00

  I ju- listen.

• 31:44Sam Morril?

  You don't like it.

• 31:44Speaker 00

  No, no, no, wait, it's not my preference?

• 31:47Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  Like, there are some comics that have a guitar where I, oh, you could just.

• 31:52Sam Morril?

  But they're starting at a deficit, you're like, ugh.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you can do jokes without the guitar, cause it, you know what I mean? But they use the guitar as a.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  Crutch.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  No, not us, that's not what I was gonna say.

• 32:04Sam Morril?

  They play through the silences.

• 32:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's kind of a cheap move.

• 32:08Sam Morril?

  It's a crutch.

• 32:08Speaker 00

  No, it's not cheap, it's not cheap, no, it's, you can't, Willie Tyler and Lester.

• 32:12Mark Normand?

  Who?

• 32:14Speaker 00

  What am I doing with my hand? Willie Tyler and Lester.

• 32:18Mark Normand?

  Willie Tyler, Lester.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  Willie Tyler and Lester.

• 32:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, oh, puppet guy.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, ventriloquist.

• 32:25Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 32:25Speaker 00

  Legend.

• 32:26Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  If you go to a ventriloquist convention.

• 32:29Mark Normand?

  But he doesn't have a guitar.

• 32:30Speaker 00

  I know, but he has a.

• 32:32Mark Normand?

  I don't mind a puppet.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Okay, I'm just saying, what I'm saying is, is that, there he is.

• 32:37Mark Normand?

  Okay, Willie Tyler.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, can we see Lester, please? There's Lester.

• 32:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 32:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, legend.

• 32:45Mark Normand?

  Jeez, thank god he's black, cause that puppet would be racist.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  Oh, you mean if it was a white guy doing the, yeah.

• 32:52Sam Morril?

  Would not be great.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think it would be great, yeah, yeah.

• 32:54Mark Normand?

  Look at the fro on the left.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  It's a big afro.

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  Now, can we pull up Billy Lee, just to see who that is? I bet there's a guy named Billy Lee, somewhere out there.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:03Mark Normand?

  Uh, but yeah, the party was cool, super fun.

• 33:05Speaker 00

  I mean, we can go back to, no, but the guitar, I wanna go back to the guitar thing.

• 33:08Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 33:09Speaker 00

  Okay, so.

• 33:10Mark Normand?

  Billy Lee.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  That's, alright, so, what I'm saying is that, I don't think it's a crutch, I, I just think that, when you're, when you have a full band on stage, and you're dancing around and this and that, that's not, you know what I mean? That's for like.

• 33:23Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  A vaudeville stage, or some other stage, not at the Comedy Store, is what it, don't you think, or no?

• 33:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, I'm, I'm not.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  If someone's doing props, it's fine.

• 33:33Sam Morril?

  I don't love following non-jokes, like, it's not, I, the Cellar, we don't really have to worry about it.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:39Sam Morril?

  But yeah, I prefer to follow what we're doing.

• 33:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, is this Billy Lee?

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  Wow, Billy Lee Riley.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, Billy Lee Riley, but look at that handsome Billy Lee right there.

• 33:48Mark Normand?

  Very handsome.

• 33:49Speaker 00

  Very handsome.

• 33:49Mark Normand?

  Well, that's you on the left, the, the drawing.

• 33:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:54Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 33:54Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 33:55Mark Normand?

  Just curious.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  Just curious, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:57Mark Normand?

  But, yeah, the party was cool, it was fun.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was really good.

• 34:01Mark Normand?

  But you, it doesn't matter what level you're at, you can see like, oh, like, I just, when I was at the party, you just wanna be back in St. Louis at the Funny Bone.

• 34:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:08Mark Normand?

  You know, you're like, that's where I belong.

• 34:10Speaker 00

  You're at that level.

• 34:12Mark Normand?

  What?

• 34:13Speaker 00

  You're saying, whatever level you're at, it's like you're already at that level.

• 34:17Mark Normand?

  You never.

• 34:19Speaker 00

  But there is no that.

• 34:20Mark Normand?

  That's Eddie Murphy.

• 34:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, but he doesn't feel that.

• 34:22Sam Morril?

  But you don't, you don't feel any satisfaction, like, you say you feel the exact same as you did as a kid, you don't feel any satisfaction from all the success you've had?

• 34:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you got quite a resume.

• 34:31Speaker 00

  No, no, what I'm saying is, is that, yes, I am, I, I mean, that's what's kept me alive, is like, you know what I mean, walking through fear. Even like, you know, I'm one of those guys that have, I still have to ask a hundred girls out on a date for like, one to say yes.

• 34:47Mark Normand?

  No, that's not true.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:48Sam Morril?

  I don't believe that.

• 34:49Mark Normand?

  A hundred girls?

• 34:50Speaker 00

  I'm telling you this as a fact, okay? I had to delete Raya, because I matched with five girls, and when I matched with them, they said, hey, can you introduce me to Theo Von?

• 35:02Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 35:06Mark Normand?

  You say yes if you fuck me.

• 35:09Mark Normand?

  That's the move.

• 35:10Speaker 00

  I didn't say that. I blocked them.

• 35:12Mark Normand?

  Good.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Cause it hurts my feelings.

• 35:13Sam Morril?

  That's rude as fuck.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I, and I'm still that guy. But now I have a girlfriend.

• 35:18Sam Morril?

  I see, I see you always have hot girlfriends, dude.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's, here's the thing, I used to li- I used to work at a coffee shop, and there was a little person.

• 35:27Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 35:30Sam Morril?

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• 36:14Sam Morril?

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• 36:53Sam Morril?

  Willie's is a premium THC-infused social tonic crafted by none other than Willie Nelson. It's an alcohol alternative, designed for an uplifting, euphoric buzz, and a relaxed wind down, you know? Booze gives you a rough hangover. I'm starting to feel it, you wanna try something different, this is it. Willie's has only 15 calories, 3 grams of sugar, it comes in 5-milligram and 10-milligram doses, with a blend of passion fruit, lemon, and lime, enjoy it as a shot, over ice, mixed in with your favorite mocktail. Every bottle is a third-party lab-tested, uh, for accurate dosage, it combines THC, CBD, CBG, and L-theanine, everyone loves this L-theanine stuff.

• 37:37Sam Morril?

  E- every health person is, is pushing this on me now, it seems legit. And it's designed to help you relax and unwind after a long day while socializing. Willie's is the number one THC-infused beverage in the US with over 350,000 happy customers, and 1 million-plus bottles sold. Order now at drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order, plus free shipping and orders over $95. Or use the store locator to find Willie's on shelves near you, like your local Total Wine, Spex, ABC, or local liquor store.

• 38:16Mark Normand?

  Yikes, I've looked better. But I'm feeling good cuz I gotta tell you about Tempo. Between work, travel, and Halloween plans, getting dinner together can become one more thing on the list. Tempo makes it easy to have a real meal ready in just two minutes. Good lord, I need this. Tempo delivers fresh, chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals right to your door. Each meal is proportioned, portioned for lunch or dinner, so there's no prep and no cooking project. They offer 20 recipes every week, made with nutrient-rich ingredients. There are protein-packed meals with over 30 grams of protein, plus fiber-rich, calorie-conscious. Get support and GLP-1 smart options.

• 39:00Mark Normand?

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• 39:44Mark Normand?

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• 40:26Mark Normand?

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• 40:55Speaker 00

  Can we still say it?

• 40:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. And he had tattoos to his wrist.

• 41:00Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 41:00Speaker 00

  Right? And I was 19 years old, working at the coffee shop. And I go, um, he's always with hot girlfriends.

• 41:10Mark Normand?

  Huh.

• 41:10Speaker 00

  I couldn't believe it. And I go, how do you get it? You know what I mean? And he go, I go to bed a thousand times.

• 41:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, numbers game.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  That's how he talked.

• 41:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 41:20Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 41:21Sam Morril?

  I hope so.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, what do you mean? You know? Sometimes I hit the ball.

• 41:29Mark Normand?

  This is in the lollipop.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's what he sounded like.

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 41:33Speaker 00

  Check out my new tattoo. Right, right? And, and, you know what I mean? And it's like, you know, like a Shire or whatever. It's like a Shire-y.

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's funny. He's a goblin.

• 41:43Speaker 00

  Tattoo or whatever, whatever. You know what I mean? Whatever they do, do. You know what I mean? But, um...

• 41:48Sam Morril?

  Good hobbit, die hard. What's your move? Like, what do you have the most success with?

• 41:52Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 41:53Sam Morril?

  Well, you say you take a lot of swings. What's the, what's the game?

• 41:56Speaker 00

  You know, it's, it's this. It's like, um, I'll meet, I'll match with the hottest chick imaginable.

• 42:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:03Speaker 00

  And I can feel already it's about, because when they open up with like, we should collaborate.

• 42:11Mark Normand?

  Uh, hate that word.

• 42:14Speaker 00

  So, once that's said, I'm out.

• 42:16Sam Morril?

  That's insane that people say that to you.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  They say it. And then you look at their Instagram, and they have 100 followers.

• 42:22Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And you're like...

• 42:24Sam Morril?

  But then you look at their tits and you're like, yeah, let's collab or something.

• 42:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, I, um, so, um, the girl that I have now, I met here, right upstairs.

• 42:37Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 42:38Speaker 00

  And, and, yeah, and, um...

• 42:39Mark Normand?

  Miss Pat?

• 42:40Speaker 00

  No. Yeah. And you could just tell that she liked me.

• 42:46Mark Normand?

  That's all it takes.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  And it's like...

• 42:47Sam Morril?

  You're such a likable guy. I mean, sincerely, like, there's so much...

• 42:50Speaker 00

  She was a tall, blonde, very pretty girl.

• 42:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 42:52Speaker 00

  And she, I, I could just tell her vibe, and she just, I could just, in my mind, in my heart, I knew, I think she likes me.

• 42:59Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 43:00Speaker 00

  And, you know, that's, that's really, and I, you know, I went to her house, we had coffee, picked her up, and then we, you know, started hanging out. And then we dated for a year, and then, um, we went to Hawaii.

• 43:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  For like 10 days. And on like the ninth day, we basically, she goes, I, I don't wanna be in the situation, ships. What are we doing?

• 43:21Mark Normand?

  Ooh. Well, 10 days is a commitment.

• 43:23Sam Morril?

  You were together a year before you put a label on it?

• 43:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:26Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  I know. I know I lasted that long.

• 43:30Mark Normand?

  Way to go.

• 43:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:32Sam Morril?

  But now you wanna be with her.

• 43:33Speaker 00

  This is what you do, though, like, bring it up. Like, you're a girl, I know you don't like role-playing, but...

• 43:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, yeah, I know, too.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I know you don't.

• 43:40Sam Morril?

  Bobby, Bobby, we're in Hawaii, the sunset's beautiful, what are we?

• 43:44Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I mean, no, do it in the girl's voice and stuff.

• 43:46Sam Morril?

  Bobby, like, Billy, you're so handsome.

• 43:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Um... Yeah, and I, have you seen...

• 43:52Sam Morril?

  You rock my, you rock my pussy.

• 43:54Speaker 00

  Have you seen Love on the Spectrum?

• 43:55Sam Morril?

  I haven't.

• 43:55Speaker 00

  Let's watch it.

• 43:56Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay. Wait, which one's which now?

• 43:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what you do.

• 43:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 00

  When you, you know, they bring it up.

• 44:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. That's what I did for a year.

• 44:04Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 44:04Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? Oh, shit, look at these new shoes I got. Or whatever. And then it's kind of, they, it's like a, you, it's like a switch.

• 44:13Sam Morril?

  But did you, but did you want it when she said, what are we?

• 44:15Speaker 00

  When she said it, I could tell that it was like enough time, and it's like, she's right, and also...

• 44:20Mark Normand?

  A year is wild.

• 44:21Speaker 00

  It's wild, yeah.

• 44:22Sam Morril?

  That's wild to get away with it for that one.

• 44:24Mark Normand?

  But she had you in Hawaii, you couldn't leave.

• 44:26Speaker 00

  And that was the second time in Hawaii.

• 44:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa, damn, she Pearl Harbored you. Oh, man. Jesus Christ, Asian attack.

• 44:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was a sneak attack.

• 44:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was a definite sneak attack.

• 44:41Mark Normand?

  Has her name Pearl?

• 44:42Speaker 00

  That was very funny. But I'm, I'm Korean. But anyway, but still hits. Um...

• 44:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 00

  But what I was saying is, is that I, here's why I did it, if I may share.

• 44:55Mark Normand?

  Divulge.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  Is because, um, she's good in every social situation.

• 45:01Mark Normand?

  That's rare.

• 45:02Speaker 00

  Like, like, I could have brought her to the, um...

• 45:04Mark Normand?

  Party?

• 45:05Speaker 00

  The party, and she would, she would've been fine.

• 45:07Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 45:08Sam Morril?

  But you don't wanna, yeah.

• 45:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it was business.

• 45:10Sam Morril?

  I saw people bringing their significant other.

• 45:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it's business.

• 45:12Sam Morril?

  What are we doing?

• 45:12Mark Normand?

  They're babysitting.

• 45:14Speaker 00

  I didn't wanna babysit, but I could bring her in any social situation, and everyone would go, oh, she's cool.

• 45:20Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  Which has not been the case with 70% of the women that I've dated.

• 45:25Mark Normand?

  I can't wait to meet her.

• 45:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've had, um, some nightmare situations.

• 45:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Can I tell you the worst one?

• 45:30Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 45:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 45:32Speaker 00

  This is the worst one.

• 45:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy. Buckle up. Do we know her?

• 45:36Speaker 00

  I, I don't, I don't care if you...

• 45:38Sam Morril?

  I saw a couple X's at the party. Mark had to guide me.

• 45:41Speaker 00

  Oh, really? Yeah, you, first of all, I don't generally, um, try to hit on comics.

• 45:48Mark Normand?

  Smart.

• 45:49Speaker 00

  I think that's a bad move.

• 45:50Sam Morril?

  No.

• 45:50Speaker 00

  Yeah. You've done it.

• 45:54Sam Morril?

  No, and I just happen to be in relationships, yeah, I have.

• 45:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:57Sam Morril?

  Many times. I wait outside the club.

• 45:59Speaker 00

  Your wife is...

• 45:59Sam Morril?

  I wait outside, I wait outside the room, and I say, good set.

• 46:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:04Mark Normand?

  I like your guitar act.

• 46:05Speaker 00

  You married a comic.

• 46:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, kind of.

• 46:08Sam Morril?

  But she became a comic afterwards.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  She does stand-up.

• 46:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:10Sam Morril?

  But she started after.

• 46:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, way after.

• 46:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. No, no, I couldn't do that because, would your wife ever go, can I open for you? Would you ever...

• 46:19Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  Okay, good.

• 46:20Mark Normand?

  She's cool like that.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  Oh, good, good, good, good, good. Cuz that, I dated a comic, and that, she became my opener.

• 46:25Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 46:25Speaker 00

  But that's not the story I was gonna tell.

• 46:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, how could he worse than that?

• 46:28Speaker 00

  Oh, it's way worse.

• 46:29Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 46:30Speaker 00

  It's one of the worst, like, user stories.

• 46:33Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 46:34Sam Morril?

  Hit us.

• 46:35Speaker 00

  I'm gonna hit you right now, dude. Yeah, let me just go backdrop, right? I'm a good storyteller, dude.

• 46:38Mark Normand?

  You sure you wanna talk about Kalila like this?

• 46:40Speaker 00

  It's not, it's not Kalila.

• 46:42Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 46:42Speaker 00

  Way before, right?

• 46:43Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 46:43Speaker 00

  This is when I was on Mad TV. Now, back when I was on Mad TV, right, we had the thing called the Upfronts.

• 46:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 00

  You know what that is?

• 46:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  For those of you that don't know what the Upfronts is, back then, when you were on a network show, every year, they would send, all, all the networks would send all their shows to New York. Right? So, we, and, and every night was a different night. So, like, Tuesday was the Fox night, Wednesday was the ABC night, right? So, Tuesday, you know, was the Fox night. And they would paddle, I was on Mad TV, so they, they would paddle, you know, 70, the 70's show.

• 47:16Mark Normand?

  So, who?

• 47:17Speaker 00

  70's shows.

• 47:18Mark Normand?

  That 70's show.

• 47:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, that 70's shows. You know what I mean? And they would paddle, you know, the American Idols.

• 47:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:24Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And they would paddle, you know, these kind of, not paddle, but they would bring them onstage, right? And the last show they would bring up is, um, Mad TV.

• 47:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 00

  Cuz we're a late-night programming, and they, they would only fly out four cast members.

• 47:36Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 47:36Speaker 00

  Cuz we had such a big cast.

• 47:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Speaker 00

  And I was always one of the ones that, cuz I'm a minority.

• 47:41Mark Normand?

  Uh, good point.

• 47:41Speaker 00

  That's what I believe, cuz I'm the minority.

• 47:43Sam Morril?

  Who else were you with?

• 47:44Speaker 00

  They would bring out I. Baronhold sometimes, Mike McDonald, et cetera. Anyway, I met this girl, and I hit on her, right? And at first, she was very, and I was sure I didn't, right? But then she's like, I heard you, you're going to the Upfronts. I go, yeah. And she's like, you know, I really, you know, when I was, you know, when we had that date, um, cuz I had dated one time, and then I couldn't, didn't feel any feelings that she had toward me.

• 48:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:10Speaker 00

  But then she was like...

• 48:11Sam Morril?

  But you were into her a little bit?

• 48:12Speaker 00

  Oh, she was hot.

• 48:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 00

  And she was a comic.

• 48:15Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 48:16Sam Morril?

  Is she still doing stand up?

• 48:17Speaker 00

  No.

• 48:18Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? But anyway, then she kinda was like, made it seem like it was on.

• 48:25Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  Right? And then like flirty and hugging me deeply, and you know what I mean? It's like, you have a plus one, right? Or something. And I go, yeah, I do have a plus one.

• 48:34Sam Morril?

  I hate her energy already there.

• 48:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you got worked.

• 48:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, it gets worse.

• 48:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 48:39Speaker 00

  So.

• 48:39Mark Normand?

  She fucked Theo Von?

• 48:40Speaker 00

  So I fly, once we get to New York, her mood shifted.

• 48:44Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 48:45Speaker 00

  And it was very standoffish again.

• 48:47Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 48:47Sam Morril?

  Wait, you didn't fly her to New York, did you?

• 48:49Speaker 00

  No, I had a plus one, so they, the network flew us there.

• 48:52Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 48:53Speaker 00

  First class, the whole thing.

• 48:54Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  Right? So before they do the actual stage thing where they bring out the shows, there's a dinner. So there's, you know, you're, imagine a ballroom and there's these like round tables.

• 49:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:07Speaker 00

  And Mad TV had the last table at the edge where the kitchen is, you know what I mean? But we still had a table, right?

• 49:13Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 49:13Speaker 00

  And we're sitting around, you know what I mean? And it's like, the center of this convention is where the network executives and the president of the network sits.

• 49:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:22Speaker 00

  Okay? So I'm sitting there and Mike McDonald put, kinda pokes me, he goes, look what your date's doing. And she had a business card that said her name and her phone number, right? Because back then there was no internet.

• 49:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:37Speaker 00

  And she was giving it to the president of Fox.

• 49:41Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 49:44Speaker 00

  Okay? So I run. I run like a ninja. Quietly, yeah, swiftly, right? And, you know what I mean, secretly.

• 49:54Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Stealth like, but fast.

• 49:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 49:57Speaker 00

  Right? Run, run. I grab her by the wrist, not in a violent way, in a very gentle way.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 50:04Speaker 00

  Right, with violent, right? And I pull her aside, I go, what the fuck are you doing? Cause I've never met the president.

• 50:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and you're on the TV network.

• 50:12Speaker 00

  I'm on a TV show! I don't even know her!

• 50:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:16Speaker 00

  Right, and I go, what are you doing? She said, I'm just networking.

• 50:18Mark Normand?

  Oof.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  Right? And I brought her down, I never talked.

• 50:21Sam Morril?

  It's gross to say that word out loud.

• 50:23Speaker 00

  What?

• 50:24Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 50:24Sam Morril?

  Networking. To say I'm networking, it sounds gross as fuck.

• 50:27Speaker 00

  It sounds gross. Here's another thing that I heard with that town at Coachella. When I walked into Coachella, a girl goes,

• 50:35Speaker 00

  Stay hydrated! And it drove me crazy!

• 50:39Sam Morril?

  You're shocked that douchey.

• 50:41Speaker 00

  I know what water does!

• 50:43Sam Morril?

  You're shocked that douchery is at fucking Coachella?

• 50:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. But that, when she said that, it put a fucking tingle down my spine.

• 50:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, because I've been doing this

• 50:56Speaker 00

  for years.

• 50:57Sam Morril?

  Could you have still fucked this woman after the networking comment? Do you think it still would have been in you?

• 51:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:05Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 51:06Mark Normand?

  He's human.

• 51:08Speaker 00

  I think so, but she's, I slept on the couch.

• 51:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 51:12Speaker 00

  She slept on the bed.

• 51:12Mark Normand?

  What?

• 51:14Speaker 00

  You broke her first class? Yeah, cause you had to fly back with her. So I'm just sitting there and flying back.

• 51:21Sam Morril?

  What's the vibe in the room like?

• 51:22Speaker 00

  It's bad.

• 51:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 00

  It's real bad.

• 51:24Sam Morril?

  And, but like, she's being rude to you as well, or?

• 51:27Speaker 00

  No, she was like, what's your energy? I, I go, she's, I was just networking. And I was just like, yeah, but it's like, you know, we're friends, now, you know, I'm in the friend zone.

• 51:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:37Speaker 00

  And also you went there for that intention to do that, right? And also, like, nobody knows her.

• 51:45Mark Normand?

  No.

• 51:46Speaker 00

  Dude, it's like, when you're on a network TV show, right? Cause I've been on a couple of other shows. It's not like you waltz up to the president of the network and go, hi, I'm Bobby, I'm on this show.

• 51:58Mark Normand?

  That's hot lady energy.

• 51:59Speaker 00

  What?

• 52:00Mark Normand?

  She's a hot lady. She's like, I'm a hot woman, hello, I'm a lady.

• 52:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, she gave that. And also, the, the president of the network at the time was a woman.

• 52:07Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 52:07Speaker 00

  And she's like, what the fu, like, her response was weird.

• 52:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  Like, what are you, wait, wait, what is this?

• 52:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 00

  Well, she's handing her a business card.

• 52:16Mark Normand?

  Well, the tricks don't work on other women. She's like, I'm a lady, I don't give a shit.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  Ah, I know. Exactly, so that was like the worst usery.

• 52:24Mark Normand?

  That's tough.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a tough one.

• 52:25Sam Morril?

  You just can't travel with someone if the vibe's not a hundred percent there, it's just.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  I've learned my lesson.

• 52:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did it.

• 52:33Mark Normand?

  I just can't believe Natasha did that.

• 52:36Speaker 00

  You're trying, yeah, yeah. It's not somebody that you would know, they don't do, they haven't done comedy in 20 years. This is, this is something that happened over 25 years ago.

• 52:43Sam Morril?

  But she's now using someone in another line of work.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  Well, she, no, I know the last time I heard that she has children.

• 52:48Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  And she's like.

• 52:50Sam Morril?

  She's using the children.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  And she's, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's probably using the children.

• 52:53Sam Morril?

  She's using the kid to hand out a card to someone.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know her situation, but um, I had another one that I did, you know, before, so a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago.

• 53:06Speaker 00

  I had this girl, she was like 32, I had sexual intercourse with her.

• 53:12Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 53:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 53:13Speaker 00

  Thank you, you know, at my house.

• 53:16Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 53:16Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 53:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, and it was a pleasurable human experience, if I may say so myself.

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 53:23Speaker 00

  And um.

• 53:23Sam Morril?

  Where'd you meet her?

• 53:26Speaker 00

  Well, here's the crazy part, I had met her a year before that, right? And I met her at um, the improv. And she, she goes, um, take me out. Cause I, just on my set, she saw it. So I took her out, I took her to a bar, and she gave me, actually.

• 53:46Sam Morril?

  Just say it.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  I know, I, she, um, we're sitting at a bar, and she, um, I wanna say that she kissed my ass.

• 53:56Mark Normand?

  A weiner?

• 53:58Speaker 00

  At the bar.

• 53:59Sam Morril?

  Over the, over the pants or under?

• 54:01Speaker 00

  I had it on.

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  She blew you?

• 54:04Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 54:05Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 54:06Sam Morril?

  She blew you in a public bar?

• 54:08Speaker 00

  In a public bar.

• 54:09Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 54:10Sam Morril?

  In, in a corner or a bathroom or what?

• 54:14Speaker 00

  Just at the bar.

• 54:15Mark Normand?

  Just at the bar?

• 54:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:17Mark Normand?

  Wow, you're the worst dirty talker of all time.

• 54:20Speaker 00

  I just don't wanna, people to think it's weird.

• 54:22Mark Normand?

  Well, I don't think whispering's gonna change what happened.

• 54:25Speaker 00

  It's not?

• 54:27Mark Normand?

  So.

• 54:27Speaker 00

  And so then, and then she ghosted me.

• 54:31Mark Normand?

  Perfect.

• 54:31Speaker 00

  Then, then, a year later, I see her at Mel's Diner.

• 54:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, waitressing?

• 54:37Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no.

• 54:38Sam Morril?

  No, blowing the guy at the counter.

• 54:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then I go, um, hey! And she's like, hey, I'm sorry, ghosted you, but at the time, I was kinda seeing somebody, and I know we hooked up that night, and there's that, you know what I mean? Cause we had done more after that, you know what I mean? But, you know, let's hang out again, so we hung out, and then we, you know, we hooked up, and then we went to Hawaii, and then she.

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, this is her?

• 55:02Sam Morril?

  This is the girl?

• 55:03Speaker 00

  No, this is not the girl.

• 55:04Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, Hawaii is just your move.

• 55:05Mark Normand?

  You bring everybody to Hawaii.

• 55:06Speaker 00

  I probably love the girls from Hawaii.

• 55:08Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 55:08Sam Morril?

  You know what's bad? Cause women get mad when you do the same thing with other, like, they're like, have you done this with? I went to the Knicks game with a girl, and she's like, have you taken other women to Knicks games? I'm like, yes!

• 55:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 55:18Speaker 00

  That's your route!

• 55:21Sam Morril?

  How many tricks do you think I have up my sleeve?

• 55:23Speaker 00

  Also, I go to Hawaii six times a year.

• 55:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright.

• 55:26Speaker 00

  Yes, sometimes I'm doing, September I'm going back.

• 55:29Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love it there, I have the room to stay in and the whole thing. It's my, it's my um, vacation spot.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 00

  I have all the restaurants on lockdown, you know what I mean? Uh, I know exactly what seat I like at the pool.

• 55:44Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 55:44Speaker 00

  I can, you know what I mean, I relax. Anyway, my point is, I brought this girl there, right? Somebody I had already hooked up with, and while we were making her on the bed, she stops and she goes, I'm not attracted to you, I think you're fat.

• 55:58Mark Normand?

  Get outta here!

• 56:00Speaker 00

  I've told this story before. And I went to the, she went to sleep, went to the balcony, and I thought about jumping off of it.

• 56:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 56:08Sam Morril?

  It would've been a loud thud.

• 56:10Speaker 00

  You what?

• 56:10Sam Morril?

  It would've been a loud thud.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  It would've been, yeah.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude, that's so disrespectful.

• 56:19Speaker 00

  It would've caused a tsunami.

• 56:21Sam Morril?

  That's so disrespectful, how would you say that to someone? That's fucking horrible.

• 56:25Speaker 00

  I know, so then I got on the shot a week later.

• 56:28Mark Normand?

  Ozempic.

• 56:29Speaker 00

  Ozempic.

• 56:29Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 56:30Speaker 00

  Because she did that, I never saw her again. She tried to call me after that, you know what I mean, a couple of weeks, I was like, ah, a ghost. Right, so then after that, I got on the Ozempic, and it seemed to help.

• 56:42Mark Normand?

  Jeez, you're not, you're not even fat.

• 56:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, cause I'm, I lost weight.

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, so you were kinda fat then?

• 56:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was like 30 pounds overweight.

• 56:49Mark Normand?

  Ah, gross.

• 56:50Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 56:52Mark Normand?

  I get it now.

• 56:55Speaker 00

  You never said anything back then when I was fat.

• 56:57Mark Normand?

  I didn't notice you were fat. Plus Asians wear fat well. You ever seen Yokozuna?

• 57:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:03Mark Normand?

  I just watched the Hogan doc.

• 57:04Sam Morril?

  The bonds I dropped?

• 57:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:06Sam Morril?

  Dude, wait. Are you glad that you, you're on the shot, the Ozempic?

• 57:11Speaker 00

  I stopped doing it because, so I've gained a little weight because it made me nauseous.

• 57:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and there's a lot of side effects, I hear.

• 57:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I would, like, like when I did, um, tires. And Shane doesn't even know this.

• 57:23Mark Normand?

  You had a tire.

• 57:25Speaker 00

  I took a gigantic dose on the flight and I ate a meal and I vomited and shit all over the hotel. I vomited all night long.

• 57:35Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 57:35Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 57:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, it fucked me up and ever since then I haven't taken it.

• 57:40Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude.

• 57:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think my milligrams are too much or something, but it makes me so nauseous.

• 57:45Sam Morril?

  But do you feel better?

• 57:46Speaker 00

  I feel good now.

• 57:47Mark Normand?

  You look good.

• 57:48Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 57:49Mark Normand?

  We have a friend, he's a huge guy, you know him, I'm not gonna say his name, but he took Ozempic and beat it. Like, he ate through it.

• 57:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, you can eat through it.

• 57:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he did, he's bigger now.

• 57:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's bigger now, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't eat through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:00Mark Normand?

  He did it, yeah.

• 58:01Sam Morril?

  What's your weakness when you were heavier? What, what, do you think?

• 58:05Mark Normand?

  Like a karate chop.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  I don't like the way it's like this.

• 58:08Sam Morril?

  What was the stuff you ate that, like, you couldn't stop eating that would make you bigger?

• 58:12Speaker 00

  Wanted to go up.

• 58:13Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  No, that's, I like, I don't like the way it tilts down like that.

• 58:19Mark Normand?

  Whoa, made in China.

• 58:21Speaker 00

  What company, made in China? Yeah, Gatorade? Uh, Gator, I don't like Gatorade quite. Sure. It's a sure company. Yeah, I'm not sponsored by them, but, but you know what I mean? It should go the other way where it's hooked up.

• 58:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:38Speaker 00

  I don't like the way it goes, like that. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, what's the question?

• 58:42Sam Morril?

  There's good stuff for the listeners, man, thank you.

• 58:43Speaker 00

  Uh, you know what? You're being sarcastic, I think, and I think they would like it.

• 58:50Speaker 00

  I think it was weird me doing a karate chop on the thing.

• 58:52Sam Morril?

  That was weird.

• 58:53Speaker 00

  And I think that it's, um, I'm a professional.

• 58:56Sam Morril?

  You are.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, so it's like, easy. Easy does it, as AA people say.

• 59:01Mark Normand?

  Easy does it.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, what's the question?

• 59:04Sam Morril?

  It doesn't matter.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

• 59:07Sam Morril?

  What made you fat?

• 59:08Mark Normand?

  What was your, your vice?

• 59:10Speaker 00

  Well, I'll be honest with you, I like katsu.

• 59:12Mark Normand?

  Who?

• 59:13Speaker 00

  Is that a person?

• 59:15Mark Normand?

  Katsu?

• 59:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it's a type of, I like fro, like, it's like Japanese, um, like, cutlet, you know what I mean? Like, you know, every, every, like, nationality has it, right?

• 59:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good.

• 59:27Speaker 00

  Chicken katsu. I ate a lot, I eat a lot of Czech chicken katsu and rice and stuff like that, you know what I mean?

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  That's good stuff.

• 59:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it's good stuff, but it's a little, like, if you do pork katsu.

• 59:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's good.

• 59:37Speaker 00

  And that's all you eat all the time, you know what I mean? You, you can really, and then, you know-

• 59:40Sam Morril?

  It's gotta be hard in the stomach, right?

• 59:41Speaker 00

  What?

• 59:42Sam Morril?

  It's gotta be hard in the stomach.

• 59:42Speaker 00

  It's hard in the stomach, and then also I, I, I used to eat every day two acai bowls.

• 59:48Sam Morril?

  That's just horrible for you.

• 59:49Mark Normand?

  Those are healthy, right?

• 59:50Speaker 00

  No, it's a lot of sugar.

• 59:51Sam Morril?

  No, it's fake health food. It's like all sugar.

• 59:53Speaker 00

  A lot of sugar. I didn't realize that, and with a lot of honey and all that stuff, right? And the fruit, so I just became, you know what I mean, fat.

• 1:00:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I, I used to think Nutella was good for you.

• 1:00:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we had a lot of talks about that.

• 1:00:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not good.

• 1:00:05Mark Normand?

  Gargle Nutella all day long. It's just, it's just chocolate candy.

• 1:00:10Mark Normand?

  I had no, I'd put it on peanut butter with bread. I thought I was eating like a, a nice, healthy lunch.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:14Sam Morril?

  Peanut butter also not healthy.

• 1:00:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:16Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:00:17Sam Morril?

  It's not horrible, but it's not like-

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought that was healthy.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  It's a lot of calories. I love it. I eat it all the time, but it's-

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  How do you guys both say, skate or thin?

• 1:00:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what do you do? He plays basketball.

• 1:00:26Sam Morril?

  I play ball.

• 1:00:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you do the ball?

• 1:00:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:30Sam Morril?

  What do you do? Do you exercise?

• 1:00:31Speaker 00

  God, you're like, your skin tone's like Slenderman. It's like, it's deathly almost, like, I know, it's like you don't sleep or, what's going on with you?

• 1:00:41Sam Morril?

  Adele used to call me a vampire.

• 1:00:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, your eyes are always dark. You're, no, no, they are. Like a raccoon. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:50Sam Morril?

  A raccoon?

• 1:00:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what is going, I've always wanted to tell you that, but in this lighting, it's like, it's very diabolical.

• 1:00:57Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on with you? You sleeping much?

• 1:01:00Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:01:01Speaker 00

  Because Mark has a nice tan. You know what I mean? Does he not have a nice tan?

• 1:01:06Mark Normand?

  Well, I got a half Italian going.

• 1:01:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, that's not it.

• 1:01:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's not it.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  No, this fool right here, can I call you fool? Yeah, this fool right here.

• 1:01:14Sam Morril?

  Sure you can, player.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  What, yeah, hey, player. You, you know what I mean? What's, what's, you driving?

• 1:01:18Sam Morril?

  I'm driving, dog.

• 1:01:21Speaker 00

  I'm kidding. So, um, dude, what I'm saying is, is that, you, like, you need to, I think there's a vitamin missing.

• 1:01:29Sam Morril?

  I like that we're like, this, this woman was so cruel to Bobby, now he's like, something's deeply wrong with your face.

• 1:01:34Speaker 00

  No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying to you is, I think you're a handsome, for a comic, you're hot.

• 1:01:41Sam Morril?

  I'll take it.

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  No, I'm being real.

• 1:01:42Sam Morril?

  Oh, thanks, buddy.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  You're not Matt Rife. I can name him.

• 1:01:45Sam Morril?

  Who is?

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  I, I think Matt Rife, Jeff Di, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? But you're up there, I think, as a guy comic.

• 1:01:52Mark Normand?

  And tall.

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, tall, yeah.

• 1:01:54Mark Normand?

  Tall.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  I think you're up there with, you know what I mean?

• 1:01:56Mark Normand?

  Full of hair.

• 1:01:56Speaker 00

  And your, like, edgy, morbid sensibilities I like too, you know what I mean? The dryness of your jokes. You're very funny, you know what I mean? Very talented man. And you, you also probably on the screen would look, you wouldn't be the lead.

• 1:02:08Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:02:09Speaker 00

  But you'd be like an accountant. Like a shady accountant, you know what I mean?

• 1:02:13Mark Normand?

  Like a divorce guy.

• 1:02:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:14Sam Morril?

  Unless it was the movie The Accountant, then I wouldn't be the lead.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  Well, no, but more like a 1950s one.

• 1:02:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:20Sam Morril?

  I like that.

• 1:02:20Speaker 00

  But you have a gray skin. You know what I mean? And that's what we, we shell it out.

• 1:02:24Sam Morril?

  This is a real dance right here.

• 1:02:26Speaker 00

  No, what I'm saying is, is that, usually, you're white, right?

• 1:02:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Usually there's pinkish cute tones to the skin, but yours is just very, like, very fucking 824 gray.

• 1:02:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:02:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, and I, I, I-

• 1:02:40Sam Morril?

  Like I'm a bad filter?

• 1:02:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's a filter going on. Yeah, what's going on? Is there, like, you know what I mean? You don't go out in the sun that much?

• 1:02:46Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:02:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:48Sam Morril?

  Balls, that's about it.

• 1:02:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, you play ball. You play the ball. Indoor, seems like.

• 1:02:53Sam Morril?

  A little outdoor, too.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I'm not making fun of him because I care about Sam Morril and I think that you're a very talented man. I just, you look healthy and, like, you've been in the sun and, you know what I mean? But you look like, just, you know, there was this book called Notes from the Underground. Yeah, by Dostoevsky. It was about a man in a, downstairs in a basement and there was a little crack. He would judge people walking by and stuff, you know what I mean? You feel like that, I feel like you look like that man, you know, that's all I'm saying. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:23Sam Morril?

  I feel like you look like Meg Griffin right now, from Family Guy.

• 1:03:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I can see it.

• 1:03:29Speaker 00

  And that's a good thing. You know, you think that's a slam? I don't take it that way.

• 1:03:33Sam Morril?

  It wasn't a slam. I think you look like Meg.

• 1:03:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:35Sam Morril?

  I think you look nice.

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  I was saying it from, like, I wasn't trying to rip on you or roast.

• 1:03:39Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 1:03:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, mine was more like-

• 1:03:41Sam Morril?

  You were constructively calling me a raccoon.

• 1:03:43Speaker 00

  No, I was just, no, I was rude. I know, that was, that was rude.

• 1:03:46Sam Morril?

  No, it was fun.

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  No, but I, I just saying, is there a vitamin deficiency?

• 1:03:50Sam Morril?

  Definitely.

• 1:03:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay, that's all I'm saying.

• 1:03:52Sam Morril?

  We're drinking in the fucking afternoon.

• 1:03:53Speaker 00

  I know, I know, maybe, is it that?

• 1:03:56Sam Morril?

  Maybe.

• 1:03:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm concerned, that's all.

• 1:03:59Mark Normand?

  We've been drinking for four days straight, no sleep.

• 1:04:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:02Mark Normand?

  I've been eating carnies.

• 1:04:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:05Mark Normand?

  Is he choppy?

• 1:04:06Speaker 00

  It's driving me crazy, this thing. Sure.

• 1:04:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Speaker 00

  That's the company, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's a good, it's a good place, good setup. Good setup. The bongo music's done, I'm done, I'm glad about that.

• 1:04:17Mark Normand?

  Thank God.

• 1:04:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:19Mark Normand?

  Are you doing a set tonight?

• 1:04:20Speaker 00

  I'm not. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna tell you exactly what I'm gonna do.

• 1:04:25Mark Normand?

  Lay it on me, fatty.

• 1:04:26Speaker 00

  I haven't figured out what meal, because you guys have a show tonight, right?

• 1:04:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:30Speaker 00

  Big show downtown.

• 1:04:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:32Speaker 00

  What theater?

• 1:04:32Mark Normand?

  United.

• 1:04:34Speaker 00

  How many seats is it?

• 1:04:35Sam Morril?

  Uh, I don't know.

• 1:04:36Mark Normand?

  1100?

• 1:04:37Sam Morril?

  No, more, it's a little more, I think.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  15?

• 1:04:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:39Sam Morril?

  It won't be full.

• 1:04:40Speaker 00

  So my show is tomorrow night with Andrew, and we're doing, um, the YouTube theater.

• 1:04:45Mark Normand?

  Mmm, I don't know that one.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know it either. But, so what I'm gonna do is, after this, because I'm so tired, that I'm gonna go get a meal.

• 1:04:54Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:04:54Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna take a bath.

• 1:04:56Mark Normand?

  Getting katsu or are you getting dog sue?

• 1:05:00Speaker 00

  You know, that dog thing that you're saying is true, but in 2027, um, Korea made a law forbidding, um, the dog meat trading biz, business.

• 1:05:14Sam Morril?

  Not great that they needed a law.

• 1:05:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know they did, but there, there is a 2027 law. I don't know why it took a year.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we got a year to eat dog.

• 1:05:21Speaker 00

  There's a year left, so if you're a dog out there in Korea, right, run for your lives.

• 1:05:25Mark Normand?

  Get the hell out of there.

• 1:05:26Speaker 00

  But, you know, in 2027, you're good.

• 1:05:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:30Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? You could just, like, chill, you know what I mean? But it's like, I think the cat, cats are still scared.

• 1:05:37Mark Normand?

  Are they eating cats?

• 1:05:38Speaker 00

  I don't know, but I, I, you would think that there should be a law with cats.

• 1:05:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Cause I have three cats at home.

• 1:05:44Mark Normand?

  I'm a cat guy.

• 1:05:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I have three, yeah. I have three dogs at home, too.

• 1:05:47Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:05:48Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 1:05:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I'm an animal guy, you know what I mean?

• 1:05:50Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:05:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:51Mark Normand?

  Well, you gotta prepare them before the-

• 1:05:53Speaker 00

  No, no, no, they're not.

• 1:05:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, oh, I see.

• 1:05:56Mark Normand?

  You know, Thanksgiving's coming up and 2027's gonna be a-

• 1:05:59Speaker 00

  We do turkey like you.

• 1:06:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:06:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, so that's crazy, that you would even say something like that. No, I'm a big, yeah, I'm a very big animal person.

• 1:06:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 1:06:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:07Sam Morril?

  You eat animals too, though.

• 1:06:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you katsu, chicken.

• 1:06:10Speaker 00

  Here's, and I'm, when I lean forward, I'm, I'm being real.

• 1:06:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:06:15Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:06:16Speaker 00

  Right?

• 1:06:16Mark Normand?

  This is Billy talking.

• 1:06:17Speaker 00

  Right, and, um, it's Billy talking. Well, how you doing? You want me to say something real? Okay, anyway, no, what I'm gonna say is, that, um, I might be on the precipice of being a vegetarian.

• 1:06:32Mark Normand?

  No, you're not gonna be funny anymore.

• 1:06:36Speaker 00

  No, they say that about quitting drugs and alcohol and I did that and I stayed funny.

• 1:06:40Mark Normand?

  Well, that's debatable.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  Right? So what, yeah, why?

• 1:06:44Mark Normand?

  I'm joking there, bubba.

• 1:06:46Speaker 00

  Now you're getting personal.

• 1:06:47Sam Morril?

  Are you nervous about having to run?

• 1:06:48Mark Normand?

  You're very funny.

• 1:06:49Speaker 00

  Now you're being personal.

• 1:06:50Mark Normand?

  You're funny. I think you're funnier now than before.

• 1:06:53Speaker 00

  I'll tell you this, guy.

• 1:06:54Sam Morril?

  I like you better on drugs.

• 1:06:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, okay. I'll tell you this, guy, okay? You just said I'm not funny, right?

• 1:07:00Mark Normand?

  I'm joking.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  No, I know you're joking, but I'll tell you this, guy.

• 1:07:02Sam Morril?

  I think you're great in Sex and the City.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  You gray fool.

• 1:07:09Speaker 00

  That's what you are, a gray fool. Alright, so what I'm gonna say this to you, guy.

• 1:07:13Sam Morril?

  You're gray foo.

• 1:07:13Speaker 00

  Right?

• 1:07:16Speaker 00

  That was good, that was good.

• 1:07:19Speaker 00

  I like, I like.

• 1:07:19Mark Normand?

  Why do we have to fight?

• 1:07:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I'm not fighting.

• 1:07:21Mark Normand?

  Sit back, you're freaking me out with the leaning forward.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  You offend.

• 1:07:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:07:26Speaker 00

  So, we did, we opened for Gillis in, in Phoenix.

• 1:07:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was awesome.

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  Twenty thousand seats.

• 1:07:31Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:07:32Speaker 00

  I had to follow you and Andrew. And I, I still did, was able to do it.

• 1:07:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you did great.

• 1:07:38Speaker 00

  Right, so what I'm saying to you, the, who's the fool now?

• 1:07:40Mark Normand?

  No fool.

• 1:07:41Speaker 00

  This guy.

• 1:07:42Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  He's the gray fool.

• 1:07:44Mark Normand?

  Fifty Shades?

• 1:07:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, and that's what it should be, yeah. Fifty Shades is a fucking fool, dude. That's what you are, dude. I love you so much.

• 1:07:51Mark Normand?

  How great, you killed, man, that was, you.

• 1:07:53Speaker 00

  But then, why would you make a joke that I'm not good?

• 1:07:56Mark Normand?

  Because it's a joke.

• 1:07:56Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 1:07:57Mark Normand?

  I wasn't telling the truth.

• 1:07:58Speaker 00

  It's offensive.

• 1:07:59Mark Normand?

  Alright, sorry.

• 1:08:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, we're all, have our own styles.

• 1:08:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I can't wait to see the Hulu.

• 1:08:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, my own style.

• 1:08:05Mark Normand?

  I'm looking forward to the special.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:07Mark Normand?

  Bobby's on Hulu. Check it out, it's, uh.

• 1:08:10Sam Morril?

  I'm looking forward to it, man.

• 1:08:11Mark Normand?

  November?

• 1:08:11Sam Morril?

  Are you, are you nervous about it all, or no?

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  Well, here, here's, here's the real honest truth, if, I can lean forward again.

• 1:08:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, bro.

• 1:08:17Speaker 00

  How you doing?

• 1:08:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:08:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, here's the real truth, dude. Um, is that, I don't know about y'all. I don't know about y'all. But, uh, I'm nervous about it, man.

• 1:08:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta start from scratch.

• 1:08:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, because, um.

• 1:08:31Mark Normand?

  It's not pretty.

• 1:08:31Speaker 00

  No, no, it's not that, man. It's, I saw it.

• 1:08:35Mark Normand?

  You saw the special?

• 1:08:35Speaker 00

  I saw it twice, man.

• 1:08:36Mark Normand?

  You gotta edit it.

• 1:08:37Speaker 00

  And, uh, I sat through two.

• 1:08:39Mark Normand?

  It's tough.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  And I, after the second time, I stood up, looked at the editing team.

• 1:08:45Sam Morril?

  And you went to that balcony where you thought, are you jumping again?

• 1:08:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I go, and I said, I said, I don't think I can see that again.

• 1:08:51Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:08:53Speaker 00

  The first time, I was like, oh, it's pretty funny.

• 1:08:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  The second time, I was like, I don't know why they're laughing.

• 1:08:57Mark Normand?

  Well, that's because you saw it twice.

• 1:08:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, I, I, I don't know, I mean, and also, you know, I did it, and so, um.

• 1:09:04Mark Normand?

  You gotta put it out.

• 1:09:05Speaker 00

  I'm letting, uh, no, we are putting, I have to contractually put it out.

• 1:09:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Speaker 00

  But, you know, I'm leaning back now, but, um, they are gonna put it out, it comes out in November, Hulu, but, um. Yeah, I mean, are you like that with yours?

• 1:09:15Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:09:16Speaker 00

  I mean, can you watch it?

• 1:09:17Mark Normand?

  It's never perfect.

• 1:09:18Sam Morril?

  No, I let, I, I know the show that was the right show, and then I say, just fill in the weak lines from the other shows.

• 1:09:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:24Mark Normand?

  And then, you're, you come up with eight good tags a week later, that's gonna happen.

• 1:09:28Speaker 00

  Oh, no, I did, yeah, I did. So, what I'm doing is, I'm doing the finally tour now. Just, I'm just gonna do it one last time this whole hour.

• 1:09:37Sam Morril?

  The farewell tour.

• 1:09:38Speaker 00

  A farewell tour.

• 1:09:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:39Speaker 00

  And then, when the special comes out, I have been writing, I have eight new jokes.

• 1:09:43Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:09:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I can even show you.

• 1:09:45Sam Morril?

  We should do an episode someday where you just bounce bits with us on, on air.

• 1:09:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, so I have eight new jokes.

• 1:09:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we can't show them either.

• 1:09:50Speaker 00

  And, uh, in fact, the director of my special, just take, he said, but you.

• 1:09:56Mark Normand?

  Who's the, who go, did you go Jordan?

• 1:09:58Speaker 00

  No, I went Louis Katz.

• 1:10:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, we love Louis.

• 1:10:01Sam Morril?

  Great joke guy.

• 1:10:03Speaker 00

  And I'll tell you why.

• 1:10:05Mark Normand?

  Couldn't get CK?

• 1:10:06Speaker 00

  Ali Wong said to do it, but, but, but not, aside from that. And Ali Wong is the queen of Asia, into the comedy. Okay?

• 1:10:15Mark Normand?

  What do you mean?

• 1:10:16Speaker 00

  What I mean is, is, what do you mean, what am I, what do I mean?

• 1:10:19Mark Normand?

  The queen of Asia?

• 1:10:20Speaker 00

  No, what I'm saying is.

• 1:10:22Mark Normand?

  You lost it.

• 1:10:22Speaker 00

  No, I haven't lost it. Okay, I'm gonna explain it to you now.

• 1:10:25Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:10:26Speaker 00

  What you meant, right? To me, we're in a kingdom.

• 1:10:30Speaker 00

  Make, like, Lord, like Lord of the Rings, or like, or Game of Thrones.

• 1:10:33Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:10:34Speaker 00

  Okay? Who's the king, of the regular king, of King's Landing? Of, of comedy? It's somewhere in Austin.

• 1:10:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, that guy.

• 1:10:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Right, I'm in a village, but I'm the leader of the village, but a coastal city.

• 1:10:50Mark Normand?

  I like that.

• 1:10:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, and this is where the queen is.

• 1:10:53Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  Right, which is Ali Wong.

• 1:10:56Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:10:56Speaker 00

  Jimmy O'Ang's in this village.

• 1:10:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:59Speaker 00

  I, I'm upper in the thing, you know what I mean?

• 1:11:01Mark Normand?

  I see, so, of all the sections, she's the queen of that.

• 1:11:04Speaker 00

  We're way east. We're way east of it, you know what I mean? Ronnie Cheng's there, Ken Jeong, we're all east, right?

• 1:11:12Sam Morril?

  Are there any whites there?

• 1:11:13Speaker 00

  No. No, so, Ali was like, I, you know, Louis would be a good director, you know what I mean, so I. And I, reason, the reason why I use Louis is because he knows, he thinks I'm funny, and he's always thought I was funny, and he knows my act. Right, so he gave me great notes. Where are you going?

• 1:11:30Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh, he's gonna tell them to shut up.

• 1:11:32Speaker 00

  You know, I don't like that.

• 1:11:33Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 1:11:34Speaker 00

  With somebody walking out like that, I don't like that.

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I don't like that, I think it's unprofessional. Where were you going?

• 1:11:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you're recording this, right?

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  I, I am, I've been kinda popping in and out the whole time.

• 1:11:55Speaker 00

  You know, I'm kidding.

• 1:11:57Mark Normand?

  I like when the, the guy behind the scenes is terrified by the shtick.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  I love when you thought I was being fucking serious.

• 1:12:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, wait, but now it got real.

• 1:12:07Speaker 00

  Okay, well, uh, uh, uh, let's go back to, like, get, not you sure. The company.

• 1:12:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't like the way it's, like, positioned.

• 1:12:18Sam Morril?

  You're a good actor, dude. That was good acting.

• 1:12:23Sam Morril?

  That was impressive.

• 1:12:23Speaker 00

  We're having fun. Are we not having fun?

• 1:12:25Mark Normand?

  Take it down.

• 1:12:26Speaker 00

  I feel the electricity.

• 1:12:27Mark Normand?

  I don't want Ari to come in here and fight you.

• 1:12:30Sam Morril?

  Ari beat the shit out of you.

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:12:32Sam Morril?

  Did that, how long were you not friends with him after that?

• 1:12:35Speaker 00

  Ten years.

• 1:12:36Mark Normand?

  Ten years?

• 1:12:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. In fact.

• 1:12:38Sam Morril?

  And then, how did it get back on track?

• 1:12:40Speaker 00

  So, it was funny, he calls me out of the blue, and I had to erase his number. So, I picked it up, it was really weird, I picked up this number, a random.

• 1:12:51Mark Normand?

  Ah, you're triggering Bobby.

• 1:12:53Speaker 00

  This is like a Christian Bale in the, on the movie. Yeah, but why are you moving around in the background?

• 1:12:59Sam Morril?

  This is what your show's gonna be like with your new material.

• 1:13:03Speaker 00

  I, I know. I know. I tried a new joke in a big, this, the area, stage.

• 1:13:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:09Speaker 00

  In front of, like, a thousands of people.

• 1:13:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:11Speaker 00

  And it bombed, and I, in my mind, I'm like, how does Bill Burr do new jokes, or Shane Gillis, in front of twenty thousand people?

• 1:13:19Mark Normand?

  Arena.

• 1:13:19Sam Morril?

  Well, they go to clubs still, though.

• 1:13:21Speaker 00

  What?

• 1:13:21Sam Morril?

  They still pop in the clubs.

• 1:13:22Speaker 00

  I know, but, I remember that show, Shane was like, I'm gonna try a new bit.

• 1:13:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:27Speaker 00

  I'm like, how do you do a new bit in front of twenty thousand people, it's crazy, but anyway, um, it's okay if he's going back and forth. What was I saying?

• 1:13:34Mark Normand?

  Ari.

• 1:13:34Speaker 00

  Oh, Ari, yeah, so, um.

• 1:13:36Sam Morril?

  He called you.

• 1:13:37Speaker 00

  I pick up this number.

• 1:13:40Speaker 00

  He goes, Ari, and I almost hung it up. That's how much mad I was.

• 1:13:43Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:13:44Speaker 00

  He goes, before you hang up, dude, I'm sorry.

• 1:13:47Sam Morril?

  And this is ten years later.

• 1:13:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:49Sam Morril?

  Why didn't he apologize sooner?

• 1:13:52Speaker 00

  I don't know, I mean, it's something that we could get into, and, and I can talk to you, uh, uh, off air.

• 1:13:58Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:13:59Speaker 00

  Right? But, um, it's something that's gonna cause controversy.

• 1:14:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, geez.

• 1:14:05Speaker 00

  But what I'm saying, I'm gonna go back to my regular voice.

• 1:14:08Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:14:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, how you doing?

• 1:14:10Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:14:12Speaker 00

  So, um, yeah, so he calls me out of the blue, and he goes, I have a Comedy Central show.

• 1:14:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:14:19Speaker 00

  Right, and I'm doing a pilot.

• 1:14:21Mark Normand?

  The storytelling?

• 1:14:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I go, and he goes, can you, Ren, Zizi, and Natasha, do the pilot of the reason why I beat you up?

• 1:14:32Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:14:33Speaker 00

  And I go, are they?

• 1:14:34Sam Morril?

  Remember when I beat the shit out of you? Now I need a favor.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  I need you to talk about it.

• 1:14:39Speaker 00

  I thought it was interesting, because both of them were involved in the story. So, I, I did it.

• 1:14:44Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:14:45Speaker 00

  And it went really well, we all four, I think, told the story.

• 1:14:49Mark Normand?

  Together?

• 1:14:50Speaker 00

  Together.

• 1:14:50Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:51Speaker 00

  And I don't think it was ever aired.

• 1:14:53Mark Normand?

  I never saw that.

• 1:14:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, um, it was like a template, but then I got back, and then, and then when he did it, the show, when I got picked up, forgot. I did it at Cheetah's.

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, back then. So, you know, um, and then we became very close after that.

• 1:15:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, good, I'm glad you guys are buds.

• 1:15:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, you, you don't have wars with people?

• 1:15:12Sam Morril?

  Not like that.

• 1:15:12Mark Normand?

  Not fistfights.

• 1:15:13Sam Morril?

  Well, one guy grabbed you offstage.

• 1:15:15Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:15:16Speaker 00

  Who was it?

• 1:15:17Mark Normand?

  Ah, Louis Anderson. No, no.

• 1:15:23Speaker 00

  That would've been funny.

• 1:15:23Mark Normand?

  That would've been funny.

• 1:15:24Speaker 00

  The ghost of Louis?

• 1:15:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I don't like you.

• 1:15:29Mark Normand?

  Survey says.

• 1:15:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:31Mark Normand?

  Uh, no, but, uh.

• 1:15:33Speaker 00

  Oh, that was a Family Feud reference.

• 1:15:35Mark Normand?

  Yes, he hosted that for about ten years.

• 1:15:37Speaker 00

  Very good. So, who was it?

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you off here, I don't wanna, I don't wanna get the, get the man in trouble.

• 1:15:43Speaker 00

  And it ma, and it made you mad?

• 1:15:45Mark Normand?

  I made him mad.

• 1:15:46Speaker 00

  Oh, you made him mad?

• 1:15:46Sam Morril?

  You were worried, though, you, Mark doesn't usually call, like, it's usually a text with Mark, so when he calls, I'm like, what the fuck happened?

• 1:15:53Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:15:54Sam Morril?

  And it was like two AM, I was like, dude, what's up?

• 1:15:56Speaker 00

  Alright, so it was a big name?

• 1:15:57Mark Normand?

  No, big guy.

• 1:15:58Sam Morril?

  Big guy.

• 1:15:59Speaker 00

  Oh, a big guy.

• 1:16:00Sam Morril?

  Strong guy.

• 1:16:00Speaker 00

  Big name, though?

• 1:16:01Mark Normand?

  Not really.

• 1:16:02Speaker 00

  Okay, well, then.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  But you know what, I didn't tweet about it, I didn't sue anybody, I didn't bring it up.

• 1:16:08Speaker 00

  So, you, you called Sam, because you felt like you were in trouble?

• 1:16:11Mark Normand?

  Well, he knows him.

• 1:16:12Speaker 00

  And, and he was mad because of why? We don't have to say his name, but because of why?

• 1:16:16Mark Normand?

  I mocked him. On stage.

• 1:16:19Speaker 00

  You mocked him on stage.

• 1:16:20Mark Normand?

  In front of him.

• 1:16:21Speaker 00

  In front of him.

• 1:16:21Mark Normand?

  And it was killing.

• 1:16:23Speaker 00

  It was killing and it bothered him.

• 1:16:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:25Speaker 00

  And he walked up on stage and grabbed you?

• 1:16:27Mark Normand?

  Right when I got off.

• 1:16:28Speaker 00

  Or right when you got off?

• 1:16:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:30Speaker 00

  And he was violent?

• 1:16:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, and it scared you?

• 1:16:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:16:34Mark Normand?

  It scared everybody.

• 1:16:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:35Mark Normand?

  People were pulling, security came in. No, not guy.

• 1:16:38Sam Morril?

  That wasn't a horrible guess, actually.

• 1:16:40Mark Normand?

  He was there, actually. He was dying laughing, by the way.

• 1:16:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he was there, Godfrey?

• 1:16:44Mark Normand?

  He was there.

• 1:16:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:46Mark Normand?

  But I confronted the guy after, which was scary.

• 1:16:49Speaker 00

  Well, you were setting boundaries.

• 1:16:50Mark Normand?

  I was setting boundaries and I was like, the last thing I want to do, every fiber in my being was like, don't go near this guy, but I just said, I have to squash this. I hate that this is a thing.

• 1:16:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:00Mark Normand?

  And it was better, it helped.

• 1:17:01Speaker 00

  It helped the.

• 1:17:02Mark Normand?

  But it was terrifying.

• 1:17:03Speaker 00

  It was terrifying, yeah.

• 1:17:04Mark Normand?

  That's not my, my bag.

• 1:17:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I've had to tell comics, and I could even say that, I could even say this one, I think. Mark Maron.

• 1:17:14Mark Normand?

  Ah, what, he had a beef?

• 1:17:16Speaker 00

  No, there was no beef, but like, 12 years ago, he used to give the worst intros.

• 1:17:22Mark Normand?

  Ah, that sucks.

• 1:17:24Speaker 00

  Right, because we, we're not like the, what's going on?

• 1:17:29Sam Morril?

  Me? How mu, how long's time?

• 1:17:33Sam Morril?

  No, they said 8:15, he told me.

• 1:17:36Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:17:38Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:17:39Speaker 00

  Uh-oh.

• 1:17:40Sam Morril?

  No, just, alright, well, we'll do a few more minutes of this.

• 1:17:43Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I want to do another hour.

• 1:17:45Mark Normand?

  Can he still do 8:15, or is, is anyone else here? Oh.

• 1:17:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you know what, dude? It's like, I came all the way over here to do this, so I don't want to cut off.

• 1:17:55Sam Morril?

  We'll wait for me, yeah, because this is, we're having fun.

• 1:17:57Speaker 00

  No, go up, dude. I get Mark and I could just do it.

• 1:18:00Sam Morril?

  No, it's, I'm having fun here, though.

• 1:18:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyway, um, so, Mark Maron.

• 1:18:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:07Speaker 00

  He used to give the worst intros, right? And he's, it's, and he, his, his intros were like, this guy's super needy, like, he really wants to kill. You know what I mean, so he like, exerts energy, like, he's like, breaking down like, my style.

• 1:18:23Mark Normand?

  And you're about to go on.

• 1:18:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he's kind of like a clown, you know what I mean? Bobby Lee, like, no credits or anything.

• 1:18:29Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:18:30Speaker 00

  And I would walk up and I would have a deep resentment, and one day, I, I just had, walked up to him, I go, "Don't ever do that again."

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:36Speaker 00

  Because it's going to get to, I'm getting rageful.

• 1:18:39Mark Normand?

  Good.

• 1:18:39Speaker 00

  And then he started giving me good intros.

• 1:18:41Mark Normand?

  Okay, you faced it.

• 1:18:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, but no.

• 1:18:43Sam Morril?

  This next comedian's really angry.

• 1:18:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:45Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:18:46Speaker 00

  There was another one that I can't mention.

• 1:18:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:18:49Speaker 00

  Right, who's too big.

• 1:18:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, I know who it is.

• 1:18:52Speaker 00

  No, you don't.

• 1:18:53Mark Normand?

  I bet I do.

• 1:18:53Speaker 00

  You absolutely don't know who it is.

• 1:18:55Mark Normand?

  Let me hear who it is, or hear the story.

• 1:18:56Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, the intro was, his style of comedy is A.D.s-esque.

• 1:19:02Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:19:04Speaker 00

  Which means like, he, you know, it's a hook.

• 1:19:06Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:19:07Speaker 00

  You know, like the crazy Asian.

• 1:19:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:09Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And.

• 1:19:11Sam Morril?

  I didn't know people insulted like that.

• 1:19:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyway, Bobby Lee, right?

• 1:19:18Sam Morril?

  Can we guess?

• 1:19:18Speaker 00

  No, you can't guess. And now, as I walked past this person, I gave them the, you know,

• 1:19:24Mark Normand?

  The death stare?

• 1:19:25Speaker 00

  The North Korean look.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  Good. Whoa, the Kim Jong scowl.

• 1:19:30Speaker 00

  Which is also my come face.

• 1:19:35Speaker 00

  Do you ever get depressed when, after you ejaculate?

• 1:19:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  What is?

• 1:19:40Mark Normand?

  Guilt.

• 1:19:40Speaker 00

  What is, is it, no, it's not guilt.

• 1:19:42Sam Morril?

  No, you're just seeing the world through clear eyes.

• 1:19:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, good point.

• 1:19:46Speaker 00

  But, so, I'm not the only one?

• 1:19:48Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:19:49Speaker 00

  Because I was telling my therapist.

• 1:19:51Sam Morril?

  I come, and I'm like, how do I get rid of this body? I'm fucking depressed.

• 1:19:55Speaker 00

  I know, it, so, the, it's, it, people, it's not like, you know what I mean, it's not like that deep, but there is, after you ejaculate, there is a little bit of a depression that goes on, an emptiness.

• 1:20:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:09Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, and it's like, you know what I mean, I still cuddle, and I still do the whole thing, I get the warm, you know what I mean?

• 1:20:15Sam Morril?

  It's similar to like, when you're done with the show, and you're like, what now? It's that feeling of like, but, yeah, you're done, everything built up to that moment, and now it's just all gone.

• 1:20:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, and that's, that's, so you relate?

• 1:20:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:28Speaker 00

  Do you relate as well?

• 1:20:29Mark Normand?

  I get it, yeah, yeah. Especially in the single days, when you're with a stranger, and you finish, and you're like, how do we, how do we get out of this?

• 1:20:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:36Mark Normand?

  This is tough.

• 1:20:36Speaker 00

  Oh, so now with your wife, you don't feel that?

• 1:20:38Mark Normand?

  No, with her, it's, it's fine.

• 1:20:40Sam Morril?

  No, not with someone I'm dating, I don't feel that. Do you feel with someone you're dating too?

• 1:20:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20:44Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:20:45Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:20:45Speaker 00

  It's not extreme.

• 1:20:47Sam Morril?

  When I really like the person, I'm happy.

• 1:20:49Speaker 00

  No, I re, the whole reason why these people even spend their nights is because I like them.

• 1:20:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:53Speaker 00

  And I'm in a relationship with them, that's not the point.

• 1:20:55Sam Morril?

  Why do you think you get, why do you think you get sad, though?

• 1:21:00Mark Normand?

  I thought he was beating a child.

• 1:21:02Speaker 00

  No, it's, it's, it's not sadness, there's just a slight.

• 1:21:06Mark Normand?

  Depression.

• 1:21:06Speaker 00

  Not even a depression, it's very subtle.

• 1:21:09Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:21:10Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, that's all I'm saying, and I just wanted to relate to you guys in that way.

• 1:21:13Mark Normand?

  I hear you.

• 1:21:14Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, and, you know what I mean, I feel like we're at a crossroads here. Do you relate or not?

• 1:21:20Sam Morril?

  I do.

• 1:21:20Mark Normand?

  I'm just not attracted to you, you're fat.

• 1:21:24Sam Morril?

  I think, I, when I, when I, when it's a one-night stand, for sure.

• 1:21:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:27Sam Morril?

  Unless we're vibing so hard that I'm like, this is hard.

• 1:21:30Speaker 00

  Okay, okay.

• 1:21:31Sam Morril?

  But if it's like a weird, kind of like.

• 1:21:32Speaker 00

  Like when you, you know, do you still do that?

• 1:21:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:36Mark Normand?

  I did it before the show.

• 1:21:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and it's weird, I got Nikki Glaser's billboard out in front, and it says, "Good girl," and I'm like, ah, is this weird?

• 1:21:43Sam Morril?

  You're a bad boy.

• 1:21:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:44Mark Normand?

  She's very lingerie, for Christ's sake.

• 1:21:45Speaker 00

  She's also like, gets prettier as she gets older.

• 1:21:47Mark Normand?

  Every year, she gets hotter.

• 1:21:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, hotter and hotter, it's crazy.

• 1:21:50Mark Normand?

  I saw it on Netflix, I was nervous.

• 1:21:51Speaker 00

  She gets the new eyes, or whatever, you know how they get new eyes? You know what I mean? You know, they change.

• 1:21:57Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:21:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, they go to Korea.

• 1:21:59Mark Normand?

  It looks like guys with hair.

• 1:22:00Speaker 00

  I know a lot of comedian girls, women, female comedians, I mean, they go to Korea and they come back, and then you're like, "Did you go to Korea?"

• 1:22:08Sam Morril?

  They do it in Korea?

• 1:22:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, and they're like, yeah, I just got back from Korea.

• 1:22:11Mark Normand?

  Is Korea the eye, eye fixed place, like, Turkey's for hair?

• 1:22:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:22:15Mark Normand?

  Korea's eyes?

• 1:22:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, when dudes go to Turkey, you know what I mean, I know they have a full head of hair, it's like, no, dude.

• 1:22:20Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:22:21Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, you were like, you know what I mean, risotto. You know what I mean? And now they're like, have a full-on, you know what I mean, we know what you did.

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  We know a lot of dudes who've done it.

• 1:22:28Speaker 00

  And I know some dudes, that if, if I even called them out, they'll be violent.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  Over the hair?

• 1:22:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:22:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, for sure.

• 1:22:36Sam Morril?

  Why?

• 1:22:36Mark Normand?

  That's an LA thing, in New York, everybody's got a bit about the hair transplant, in LA, it's all hidden.

• 1:22:41Speaker 00

  In LA, it's hidden, and if I call them out, they will go violent.

• 1:22:47Mark Normand?

  I could see that.

• 1:22:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I know two, like, full-blown, like.

• 1:22:54Mark Normand?

  I know two as well.

• 1:22:54Speaker 00

  There's a war.

• 1:22:55Sam Morril?

  And, and they're not out, you mean?

• 1:22:57Speaker 00

  They're not out.

• 1:22:58Mark Normand?

  We, I know, but it's not out there.

• 1:22:59Speaker 00

  It's not out there, I know two, and it's not out there, but it's like, and I know a couple of ladies, that if I call them out and go, that, you know what I mean, they got their eyes done.

• 1:23:09Mark Normand?

  What do, what do you do to your eye?

• 1:23:10Speaker 00

  I don't know, I, whatever, I.

• 1:23:12Sam Morril?

  Is this a thing?

• 1:23:13Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 1:23:13Speaker 00

  I know, I, I fucked up the, well, Asians get a thing called Sankapur.

• 1:23:18Mark Normand?

  Which is the round eye.

• 1:23:19Speaker 00

  Is the round eye.

• 1:23:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, which is appropriation.

• 1:23:22Sam Morril?

  Your eye's a little bigger.

• 1:23:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, and my mom got it done. Now she looks Mexican. I swear to God, my mom looks like a Mexican lady.

• 1:23:28Mark Normand?

  I met her in Phoenix.

• 1:23:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, she has round eye, you know what I mean?

• 1:23:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:31Speaker 00

  And she always go, "Papi, you don't get round eye," and I go, "I will never get round eye." You know, I don't want.

• 1:23:38Mark Normand?

  Don't do it.

• 1:23:39Speaker 00

  No, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna be who I am.

• 1:23:41Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:23:41Speaker 00

  I'm never gonna get facial things done.

• 1:23:44Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:23:45Speaker 00

  You, I was.

• 1:23:45Sam Morril?

  Do you feel a pressure for that in LA?

• 1:23:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I, I will, but, first of all, I think I look good.

• 1:23:52Mark Normand?

  You do, yeah, for your age?

• 1:23:53Speaker 00

  54, 54, what does that mean?

• 1:23:54Mark Normand?

  Wow, what are you, 61?

• 1:23:56Speaker 00

  You know, 54.

• 1:23:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:23:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think I look pretty good for my age, and I will never get that, here's the one thing I have.

• 1:24:01Sam Morril?

  You dress young, I think that helps.

• 1:24:04Speaker 00

  Well, I learned it from, you know where I learned it from? So, I go to the, I gotta just tell you something, a little secret, okay?

• 1:24:11Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:24:12Speaker 00

  So, I go to a, a secret.

• 1:24:14Mark Normand?

  Rub and tug?

• 1:24:15Speaker 00

  No, no, no, I go to a secret AA meeting.

• 1:24:19Mark Normand?

  A secret AA?

• 1:24:20Speaker 00

  Alright.

• 1:24:21Mark Normand?

  Asian Anonymous?

• 1:24:22Speaker 00

  No, no, it's, yeah, it's Asian Ano. Yeah, and it's, it's invite only.

• 1:24:27Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:24:28Speaker 00

  And it's with, you know what I mean, older, you know what I mean, cool people.

• 1:24:32Mark Normand?

  Like celebs?

• 1:24:34Speaker 00

  Just say cool people, I want to say.

• 1:24:35Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:24:35Speaker 00

  Right?

• 1:24:36Sam Morril?

  I heard one of your exes would net, uh, network in there, actually.

• 1:24:41Speaker 00

  It's men's only.

• 1:24:42Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:24:43Speaker 00

  It's a men's, yeah, right? And I watched the way they dressed, and in my mind, I realized, oh, you can turn any age, but you can still wear, and it, it changes, you know what I mean?

• 1:24:56Sam Morril?

  So, it's you and Johnny Depp, basically?

• 1:24:57Speaker 00

  No, no, no, it cha, no, no, no, no, it's that type, but it's like, it changes the, the age.

• 1:25:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:25:04Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, when you go khaki, you know, like how Santino dresses?

• 1:25:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:09Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, golf shirt, khaki pants, you know what I mean?

• 1:25:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:12Speaker 00

  It's like, when you get older, then they look Republican.

• 1:25:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:25:16Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, but it's like, if you stay with, you know what I mean, a faded, you know what I mean, Bajos t-shirt, or, you know what I mean? And.

• 1:25:23Mark Normand?

  Shants.

• 1:25:26Mark Normand?

  What are those called, capris?

• 1:25:28Speaker 00

  No, these are not capris.

• 1:25:29Mark Normand?

  What, they got the loose, middle?

• 1:25:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:32Mark Normand?

  What is that, is that a?

• 1:25:33Speaker 00

  I'm not gonna tell you.

• 1:25:34Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:25:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, but.

• 1:25:36Mark Normand?

  Is that a ninja thing, or?

• 1:25:38Speaker 00

  It's not a ninja thing, dude.

• 1:25:40Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:25:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, but anyway, it's.

• 1:25:42Mark Normand?

  It's a lot of middle, uh, crotch fabric.

• 1:25:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it's cool.

• 1:25:46Sam Morril?

  You look like you're gonna spray paint a school or something.

• 1:25:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, that's what the look is.

• 1:25:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, if you're here, who's running the vape shop?

• 1:25:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, that's the look.

• 1:25:57Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:25:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, I, I, I think it's a theory.

• 1:26:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I know a lot of Asian people in show business, that have gone to Korea, and they come back, and they get the round eye.

• 1:26:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:09Speaker 00

  And I find it very offensive.

• 1:26:10Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 1:26:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, and I also, um, don't ever bring this up, I'm gonna bring it up today.

• 1:26:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:26:18Speaker 00

  Okay? And it's fair now, the exchange, I'm not talking about tariffs, okay? But in the 70s and 80s, and part of the 90s, right, you know, Asian women were fetishized, right?

• 1:26:32Mark Normand?

  Big time.

• 1:26:32Speaker 00

  Right, so, you know, white dudes and black dudes liked them, right? But the exchange rate was not good.

• 1:26:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:26:40Speaker 00

  Right, because Asian men were not fetishized.

• 1:26:43Mark Normand?

  Left behind.

• 1:26:44Speaker 00

  We were left behind.

• 1:26:45Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 1:26:45Speaker 00

  Now, when I go perform, I'll see like, an Asian dude that looks like me, with a hot white chick.

• 1:26:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:26:53Speaker 00

  Right, so the exchange.

• 1:26:54Sam Morril?

  Or like a hot Asian chick with like, Theo Von, or something like that.

• 1:27:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:01Speaker 00

  Son of a bitch. Turned it against me again, you gray fool.

• 1:27:07Sam Morril?

  Gray fool.

• 1:27:08Speaker 00

  You're a gray fool.

• 1:27:09Sam Morril?

  That's gonna be like, that's gonna be like my new name when I'm checking a hotel. You're gonna look at the Comedy Cellar lineup like, who's gray fool?

• 1:27:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, so that's what you are.

• 1:27:18Sam Morril?

  I am there.

• 1:27:19Speaker 00

  And you're acting like that.

• 1:27:20Sam Morril?

  I'm sorry, Bobby.

• 1:27:21Speaker 00

  Alright, so it's behavior.

• 1:27:22Sam Morril?

  I apologize.

• 1:27:23Speaker 00

  But what I'm saying-

• 1:27:24Sam Morril?

  What do you make of guys who fetishize Asian women, though?

• 1:27:28Speaker 00

  To me, now, the exchange rate is much better. So it's, to me, it's, it's all good, right?

• 1:27:34Mark Normand?

  Asian men are having a moment.

• 1:27:35Speaker 00

  We're having a moment, right?

• 1:27:36Mark Normand?

  I think BTS did it.

• 1:27:37Speaker 00

  I think BTS did it, and I think a lot of Korean shows did it.

• 1:27:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:40Speaker 00

  Yeah. And I think that, um, I think Korea is having a moment.

• 1:27:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Squid Game.

• 1:27:45Sam Morril?

  Mario Lopez, Jesus Christ.

• 1:27:47Mark Normand?

  Parasite, old boy.

• 1:27:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:50Sam Morril?

  I saw the devil- He's like 25 years old.

• 1:27:52Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:27:52Speaker 00

  It doesn't matter, but that was the beginning of, you know what I mean?

• 1:27:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:56Speaker 00

  The shift. Hyundai, Samsung, killing it.

• 1:27:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:59Speaker 00

  Right, or killing it, right, right? So what I'm saying is that, North Korea, they have meth factories.

• 1:28:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so they're not doing, I think meth is not-

• 1:28:06Sam Morril?

  They're having a moment too, though, I think.

• 1:28:10Speaker 00

  With the meth?

• 1:28:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:12Sam Morril?

  North Korea's having a meth moment, I think it's cool, dude.

• 1:28:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. They have these, you know, if you go to North Korea, they have these yellow hills of just bodies. But anyway, my point, dead bodies, my point is, is this, it's beautiful.

• 1:28:22Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:28:22Speaker 00

  Very beautiful in the fucking summer. But anyway, um, but my point is, is this, is that Korea's having a mo-, I'm sorry, that was dark. Is that what it is?

• 1:28:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:30Speaker 00

  I'm sorry for the gray fool.

• 1:28:32Sam Morril?

  I, I thought it was funny.

• 1:28:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I really, you know, but that's what I feel.

• 1:28:36Sam Morril?

  I, I'm okay with that.

• 1:28:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, and, and I'm just trying to be honest with you. But my point is, is that, i- i- is this, is that Korea's having a moment, and, um, but, uh, the exchange rate is, um, better. You know what I mean? And I feel like, um, there's more opportunity.

• 1:28:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:52Speaker 00

  For the Asian, the Asian community.

• 1:28:54Sam Morril?

  I like how seriously you're delivering this.

• 1:28:56Speaker 00

  Well, I feel like a spokesperson.

• 1:28:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:58Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? I feel like, um-

• 1:28:59Mark Normand?

  But you don't like Asian women.

• 1:29:01Speaker 00

  I actually do.

• 1:29:02Mark Normand?

  I've never seen you with one.

• 1:29:03Speaker 00

  They don't like me, and I, I'll tell you something about my brand.

• 1:29:06Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:29:07Speaker 00

  Something happened upstairs, again, and I've told the story before. You know what I mean? But, um, in the, um, early 2000s, I played the OR upstairs.

• 1:29:17Mark Normand?

  Quit bragging.

• 1:29:18Speaker 00

  Okay? Small room. And there was a famous Korean actor.

• 1:29:22Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:29:23Speaker 00

  In the audience.

• 1:29:24Mark Normand?

  They have those?

• 1:29:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:27Mark Normand?

  Do we know him?

• 1:29:27Sam Morril?

  What's his name?

• 1:29:28Speaker 00

  I can't say the name.

• 1:29:29Sam Morril?

  You've told me this story before, though.

• 1:29:30Speaker 00

  I know, I've told you the story before.

• 1:29:31Sam Morril?

  Wait, what's his name?

• 1:29:31Speaker 00

  I can't, I can't, no.

• 1:29:32Sam Morril?

  Just, just do this, do this.

• 1:29:34Speaker 00

  Who, who violated you on the cellar stage then?

• 1:29:36Mark Normand?

  Ah, I'll tell you after.

• 1:29:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you after. I'll tell you, I'll, I'll tell you after.

• 1:29:41Mark Normand?

  I just don't know-

• 1:29:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know either.

• 1:29:42Mark Normand?

  A Korean actor. No offense.

• 1:29:45Speaker 00

  You don't know Steven Yeun?

• 1:29:47Mark Normand?

  No. Who's Yeun?

• 1:29:49Speaker 00

  You don't know Steven Yeun?

• 1:29:50Sam Morril?

  I, I know he is, yeah.

• 1:29:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it wasn't him, but it was, you know what I mean?

• 1:29:53Mark Normand?

  You know Steven Yeun?

• 1:29:54Sam Morril?

  He's a handsome guy, yeah.

• 1:29:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, what was he in?

• 1:29:57Sam Morril?

  So many things.

• 1:29:58Speaker 00

  Like, give me one.

• 1:29:59Sam Morril?

  So many of my favorites, I can't even think of one.

• 1:30:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, Beef!

• 1:30:02Speaker 00

  With Ally.

• 1:30:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, I know that guy.

• 1:30:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you know Asian dudes?

• 1:30:06Mark Normand?

  I just didn't know his name.

• 1:30:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's not the one. He's our Brad Pitt.

• 1:30:11Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 1:30:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Steven Yeun is our Brad Pitt, you know, Daniel Day-Lewis is our, not Daniel, Daniel Day-Kim is our, um, uh-

• 1:30:21Mark Normand?

  Pull him up. Was he in Lost?

• 1:30:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's hot.

• 1:30:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, he's hot, right? So, it wasn't any of these fu- fu- uh, guys, because they, they're friends of mine.

• 1:30:31Mark Normand?

  Look at that jaw.

• 1:30:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, Daniel's done Tiger Belly a cou- couple of times.

• 1:30:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:30:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, and Steven's done it as well, and they're on my side. But, back in the early 2000s, there was this Korean actor who was much older, pulled me aside, out in the parking lot, he goes, "You are dis-" he had an accent.

• 1:30:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:50Speaker 00

  He go, "You are disgrace to-" He goes, "You are disgrace to all the Asian." I go, "What do you fucking mean, dog?" You know, you know what I mean? You trying to get jobby with me or what? You know what I mean? And he goes, "No, no, everything you say onstage is so offensive."

• 1:31:06Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:31:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you, oh, you swear, duh.

• 1:31:09Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:31:09Speaker 00

  You talk, you know, crazy talk, you know?

• 1:31:12Mark Normand?

  Wait till I hear his accent.

• 1:31:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, he goes, "You have to be-"

• 1:31:15Sam Morril?

  And this is the hour you just taped.

• 1:31:16Speaker 00

  Yes, yes!

• 1:31:18Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:31:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is the hour I just taped, right? You, you talk about, you know-

• 1:31:23Sam Morril?

  A disgrace to all Asians coming to Hulu this, uh, November.

• 1:31:26Speaker 00

  And so, I, you know, and I was, and I realized then, is this like, you know what I mean, that it's not as if, like, I perform, and I'm not like Joe Coy, where, like, a lot of Asian fools show up.

• 1:31:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:31:38Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, people show up.

• 1:31:39Mark Normand?

  You got the whites.

• 1:31:40Speaker 00

  I get a lot of whites, Mexicans, all kinds of people, you know what I mean? I think I'm kind of more crossover.

• 1:31:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:31:45Speaker 00

  But it's like, you know what I mean, I would, I mean, I would, I love Asian people.

• 1:31:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:50Speaker 00

  I love my people so much, I eat the food, I love the movies, I love all of it, I wish, you know what I mean, that they supported me more.

• 1:31:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Do you play, do you play Asia?

• 1:32:00Speaker 00

  No. But in San Francisco, when I play, it's predominantly Asian, which makes me feel good. But also, when you're in Dayton, Ohio, there's not a lot of Asians out there.

• 1:32:09Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:32:10Speaker 00

  You know what I mean, so it's like, you know what I mean, so I get like the white fools, you know what I mean?

• 1:32:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:14Speaker 00

  I've never gotten grays. Yeah, the grays have never shown up for me, you know what I mean?

• 1:32:19Sam Morril?

  I get the grays.

• 1:32:19Speaker 00

  You can't see them from the stage, I don't know.

• 1:32:21Sam Morril?

  My grays mostly Willem Dafoe looking dudes.

• 1:32:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:25Mark Normand?

  A lot of Anderson Coopers out there.

• 1:32:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. But, because, you know, I'm, I've always been myself, and I've always, you know-

• 1:32:32Sam Morril?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:32:33Speaker 00

  You know, um, Luke told me a story last night, you know Luke?

• 1:32:37Mark Normand?

  Need a last name.

• 1:32:39Speaker 00

  Last night, he was in the backstage, in the-

• 1:32:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, Luke Monas.

• 1:32:42Speaker 00

  The big guy.

• 1:32:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, the big Jew.

• 1:32:44Speaker 00

  Yeah. Is he Jew?

• 1:32:46Mark Normand?

  Big time.

• 1:32:47Sam Morril?

  I don't think he's a Jew.

• 1:32:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:48Sam Morril?

  Luke Monas?

• 1:32:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:50Mark Normand?

  Google it.

• 1:32:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:32:52Mark Normand?

  Give it a Google.

• 1:32:52Speaker 00

  Anyway, it doesn't matter to me. I love all.

• 1:32:57Mark Normand?

  Okay. I like him too, I'm, I'm just pulling it out.

• 1:33:00Speaker 00

  But Luke told me la- last night, he goes, I'm gonna tell you a story, it's about me.

• 1:33:06Speaker 00

  He goes, "I was playing a college," this is what he says to me last night, he pulls me aside. "I was playing at college 10 years ago, I don't say what college." And he goes, he signed a con-, you know, he goes, "There's a contract, when you play colleges, you sign a contract."

• 1:33:19Speaker 00

  And, uh, he goes, he, he goes, he, he read the contract, and the last line of the contract is, "Also, you can't go into your, you can't wear, take your pants off and show your underwear." That's what it says in the contract. And he asked, you know what I mean, the college, go, "Why is that in there?" Because of Bobby Lee.

• 1:33:40Sam Morril?

  Weirdly, it wasn't even during the show, that was the worst part.

• 1:33:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's for any joke.

• 1:33:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. The grays like to tell that joke.

• 1:33:49Mark Normand?

  The grays?

• 1:33:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, but, um-

• 1:33:52Sam Morril?

  That was your closer.

• 1:33:53Speaker 00

  That was, yeah, that was my closer, yeah. I still close sometimes with it.

• 1:33:57Mark Normand?

  Not anymore after the special. That's over.

• 1:34:00Speaker 00

  That's not in the special.

• 1:34:01Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:34:03Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:34:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa, way to save it.

• 1:34:04Speaker 00

  I do, I do a thing in the special I created where I play my dad.

• 1:34:08Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:34:09Speaker 00

  And I play myself, I don't want to give it away, but my dad appears. And I, I, I shot it months before.

• 1:34:16Mark Normand?

  Real dad, or like a video?

• 1:34:17Speaker 00

  I played me.

• 1:34:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, you play him?

• 1:34:18Speaker 00

  So I was on prosthetics, and I had a conversation with my dad.

• 1:34:22Sam Morril?

  So you were gray?

• 1:34:22Speaker 00

  On, yeah. I was gray.

• 1:34:25Sam Morril?

  Very interesting.

• 1:34:26Speaker 00

  Grayish-yellow.

• 1:34:27Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:34:27Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:34:28Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 1:34:28Speaker 00

  Not gray, bla-, white, bla-, whatever you are.

• 1:34:34Speaker 00

  You have thick eyebrows.

• 1:34:35Sam Morril?

  I do.

• 1:34:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:36Sam Morril?

  You have no eyebrows.

• 1:34:38Speaker 00

  Okay. I, is that slam, or what?

• 1:34:40Sam Morril?

  No, was this a slam?

• 1:34:41Speaker 00

  I think it's better to have no than mo-, too much.

• 1:34:43Sam Morril?

  I like, I like my men. Groucho Marx?

• 1:34:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, is it a showbiz thing?

• 1:34:47Sam Morril?

  Groucho Marx put on more than one special in his fucking life.

• 1:34:49Mark Normand?

  Whoa! Man, anybody want any gray bupon?

• 1:34:57Speaker 00

  You're right.

• 1:34:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:59Speaker 00

  My work ethic's not good.

• 1:35:03Mark Normand?

  I don't even know if he did put on any special.

• 1:35:04Sam Morril?

  I don't either.

• 1:35:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, I have no idea what's going on.

• 1:35:06Sam Morril?

  I have no idea.

• 1:35:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it turned. Yeah, you know what I mean? Let's, let's start anew. Let's start anew.

• 1:35:12Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:35:12Speaker 00

  Let's, let's start-

• 1:35:13Sam Morril?

  I had a great time on a podcast, it wasn't this one.

• 1:35:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:35:16Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:35:16Speaker 00

  You don't think that this one went well?

• 1:35:17Sam Morril?

  No, it's a Groucho joke.

• 1:35:18Speaker 00

  You don't think that-

• 1:35:19Sam Morril?

  It's a Groucho line.

• 1:35:20Speaker 00

  Oh, it's a Groucho line?

• 1:35:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:21Speaker 00

  I thought this was a very good podcast.

• 1:35:22Sam Morril?

  I thought it was good.

• 1:35:23Speaker 00

  I think every time we do it together, it's good.

• 1:35:25Sam Morril?

  I love, I love when you're right.

• 1:35:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, we love it, we add information.

• 1:35:29Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:35:29Speaker 00

  We do light, we do light slams.

• 1:35:32Mark Normand?

  We open up.

• 1:35:32Speaker 00

  We open up, you know what I mean? There's a deep friendship.

• 1:35:35Sam Morril?

  There were moments of darkness, there were moments of lightness, it was, it was a great podcast.

• 1:35:39Speaker 00

  Can I tell you something about you, Sam, and this is true? And I say, I tell this to a lot of people, so it's not, it's a factual thing, right? I go, "Whenever I'm in New York, the only person that's truly nice to me is Sam Morril."

• 1:35:49Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:35:50Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:35:50Speaker 00

  You're not.

• 1:35:51Mark Normand?

  What are you talking about?

• 1:35:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're not.

• 1:35:52Mark Normand?

  What do you mean?

• 1:35:53Sam Morril?

  I saw you, you know what, you're basing this-

• 1:35:55Speaker 00

  You're, no, you're like, this is what you do. If you ever need anything, or no place to go to eat, or, you know what I mean, or where to hang, or where to go up, I can help you. And you're always like, I'm, you and Rachel Feinstein, actually.

• 1:36:07Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 1:36:07Speaker 00

  Do you remember?

• 1:36:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I remember.

• 1:36:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, you've done it a couple of times.

• 1:36:10Sam Morril?

  There's an animal shelter down the block, and you were like, "It sounds great."

• 1:36:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and, and every time I'm in New York, you're always so, like, generous.

• 1:36:18Sam Morril?

  You were down in the dumps once, and this is where you're basing this off, because, no, we've always, I'm always happy when you're in the city, because, I do feel this way, like, when people visit New York, especially from LA, I'm like- Especially when the people I like, like you.

• 1:36:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:36:29Sam Morril?

  I want to make sure they're having a good time.

• 1:36:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:31Sam Morril?

  I feel like we represent the city a little bit.

• 1:36:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:36:33Sam Morril?

  And, you were really down in the dumps one time.

• 1:36:36Speaker 00

  I was down in the dumps.

• 1:36:36Sam Morril?

  And Rachel and I kind of were like, come with, we're like, we were trying to cheer you up.

• 1:36:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:36:40Sam Morril?

  And you're basing this off that.

• 1:36:41Speaker 00

  I was dump-downing.

• 1:36:41Sam Morril?

  You were, but we, no, but I, but I like to cheer people up who are down.

• 1:36:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it, it's because, um, you know, um-

• 1:36:50Speaker 00

  Chris Rock said a half hello.

• 1:36:52Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:36:53Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 1:36:54Mark Normand?

  That'll hurt.

• 1:36:55Speaker 00

  You know a half hello? Hey, Lee!

• 1:36:58Mark Normand?

  Billy.

• 1:36:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even the first. What's up, Lee? And then, you know, he said a half hello, right? And also, the city kind of like, I don't know where to go to eat. You know, I know LA, I have a lockdown, because I'm s-

• 1:37:11Sam Morril?

  We got good cats, too.

• 1:37:12Speaker 00

  I'm West Side, you know?

• 1:37:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:14Speaker 00

  You know, I'm West Side, dude. All day, every day, dude. What's up? You know what I mean?

• 1:37:19Mark Normand?

  What the hell? You text me, I'll tell you whatever you need to know.

• 1:37:21Speaker 00

  But you're, you're... If I may say.

• 1:37:25Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 1:37:26Speaker 00

  You're in and out.

• 1:37:27Mark Normand?

  I'm always in and out.

• 1:37:28Speaker 00

  When I'm in New York.

• 1:37:30Mark Normand?

  What do you mean? Like, from a club, jump, I do, I do a-

• 1:37:33Speaker 00

  No, you're always on the run.

• 1:37:35Mark Normand?

  I'm always on the run, yeah.

• 1:37:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. Hey, Mark, you're, no, you don't do a half hello. You do a full hello. And, and a lock eye. And a what's up, right?

• 1:37:45Mark Normand?

  Hello Kitty.

• 1:37:46Speaker 00

  And a full body hug, and all of that. Okay, so that's what I'm saying, right now. Okay?

• 1:37:52Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:37:52Speaker 00

  Well, you, my friend?

• 1:37:55Speaker 00

  You fucking-

• 1:37:56Sam Morril?

  Well, because you're at the Cellar, I'm hang, I'm doing a few at the Cellar usually. I'm chill, he's running around the whole city.

• 1:38:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're running around.

• 1:38:01Sam Morril?

  I just like to do a few at the Cellar and chill there and-

• 1:38:03Speaker 00

  But you have ADHD.

• 1:38:05Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:38:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:07Mark Normand?

  But if you hit me in the day, I got you.

• 1:38:09Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 1:38:10Mark Normand?

  At night, I'm working.

• 1:38:12Speaker 00

  Right, right, and you have, and you have social anxiety.

• 1:38:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:16Speaker 00

  I could see it in your eyeballs.

• 1:38:17Mark Normand?

  It's bad.

• 1:38:18Sam Morril?

  But you, you in New York, it's kind of like us-

• 1:38:20Speaker 00

  You, you, you, you in New York.

• 1:38:22Sam Morril?

  You in New York, it's like us in Los Angeles.

• 1:38:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:25Sam Morril?

  It's like, when we're here, we're just like, we don't know what the fuck to do.

• 1:38:28Speaker 00

  You don't know what to do?

• 1:38:29Sam Morril?

  Not really, dude. We're a little lost.

• 1:38:31Mark Normand?

  I, I go to Chipotle.

• 1:38:33Speaker 00

  You do?

• 1:38:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I hear you have good Mexican food.

• 1:38:35Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, here's how our friendship could evolve.

• 1:38:38Mark Normand?

  I don't want to bug you.

• 1:38:41Mark Normand?

  Well, see, we're all in our head.

• 1:38:42Speaker 00

  I know, here's a, and I swear to God on my mother's life.

• 1:38:46Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:38:47Speaker 00

  And my mother's still alive, by the way.

• 1:38:49Mark Normand?

  Great eyes.

• 1:38:49Speaker 00

  And I love her more than anything on earth. Okay? I'm, I'm being real.

• 1:38:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:55Speaker 00

  I swear to God on my mother's life.

• 1:38:57Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:38:57Speaker 00

  You could text me 24/7 and ask me anything, and I'll answer you.

• 1:39:02Mark Normand?

  Hey, remember with Barbosa, you called me? No one else answered. But me.

• 1:39:06Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:39:07Mark Normand?

  I got a clip out of that.

• 1:39:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:10Mark Normand?

  So I'm there if you need me.

• 1:39:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:39:12Mark Normand?

  So if you call me, if I'm working, I'm working.

• 1:39:14Sam Morril?

  He's talking about real friendship, he's talking about clips.

• 1:39:17Speaker 00

  Evidence is to support that.

• 1:39:19Sam Morril?

  He's talking about something deep here, Mark.

• 1:39:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm talking some, yeah, I know, see, you got uncomfortable because I'm being deep.

• 1:39:23Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:39:24Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And then you turn into when I, ah! I'm gonna try to do your-

• 1:39:32Speaker 00

  That's what it sounds like to me, your comedy.

• 1:39:36Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? And you're doing one of those?

• 1:39:39Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:39:39Speaker 00

  And I'm being real with you.

• 1:39:40Mark Normand?

  It's like macaw.

• 1:39:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:44Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:39:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, all right.

• 1:39:47Mark Normand?

  You call, I'll answer.

• 1:39:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, you call, you, you have a 1950's way of, hey, buddy!

• 1:39:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, uh, betcha golly!

• 1:39:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:39:56Speaker 00

  You know how the old whites used to do it?

• 1:39:57Mark Normand?

  Whites only.

• 1:39:58Speaker 00

  Okey dokey, pal! You know what I mean? Gotcha! You know what I mean?

• 1:40:02Sam Morril?

  What the fuck is happening?

• 1:40:03Speaker 00

  Like a bakery.

• 1:40:04Sam Morril?

  Do we, by the way, do we really have to sit in this episode for six months?

• 1:40:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I know, right?

• 1:40:10Speaker 00

  How long have we done?

• 1:40:11Sam Morril?

  No, literally, your PR people or whoever they talk to are like, you gotta wait till the special comes out for this episode to come out.

• 1:40:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta wait.

• 1:40:18Mark Normand?

  Come on!

• 1:40:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a special coming out. Why?

• 1:40:22Mark Normand?

  We'd like to put that out as a good app.

• 1:40:23Speaker 00

  Nah, it's not good.

• 1:40:25Mark Normand?

  This is great.

• 1:40:25Sam Morril?

  You just said it was good!

• 1:40:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I don't know if it's good or not.

• 1:40:28Mark Normand?

  It's great!

• 1:40:29Speaker 00

  You do, what? Yeah, you do, and then you don't. All right, so I'm gonna say this, okay? If, if you fucking waited until Aug- August, I think this was a good one. But, um, can you do it closer to the, when the special comes out?

• 1:40:43Mark Normand?

  We'll go, we'll give you some breathing room.

• 1:40:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, give me some, so what month is it now?

• 1:40:47Sam Morril?

  Uh, June.

• 1:40:48Speaker 00

  Why do you keep doing that and farting?

• 1:40:50Mark Normand?

  Uh, I thought we were-

• 1:40:51Speaker 00

  You fart, you know, you fart and you burp publicly.

• 1:40:53Sam Morril?

  By the way, it's not June.

• 1:40:55Mark Normand?

  I was just trying to get ahead of it. Trying to lie to the man.

• 1:40:59Speaker 00

  How much time have we done?

• 1:41:00Mark Normand?

  Hour and a half.

• 1:41:01Speaker 00

  Okay, this has been great. This has been great. And it's a really good one, right?

• 1:41:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Matt Rock's fucking probably pissing me upstairs right now.

• 1:41:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, anyway.

• 1:41:09Sam Morril?

  I blew off his show here.

• 1:41:10Speaker 00

  Can I fart on the cam, on the mic?

• 1:41:11Mark Normand?

  We'd love you to.

• 1:41:15Mark Normand?

  Whoa! That was a catsue!

• 1:41:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was a catsue fart.

• 1:41:19Mark Normand?

  Cat poo.

• 1:41:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was North Korean.

• 1:41:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, whoa.

• 1:41:23Speaker 00

  Dude, that was so bad, so bad.

• 1:41:24Mark Normand?

  I'm jung, ugh.

• 1:41:25Speaker 00

  Because you fart and burp all the time.

• 1:41:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I didn't even think about it.

• 1:41:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, so I do, do you ever do it on stage?

• 1:41:30Sam Morril?

  This is our last episode of recording, whoever's sitting there is gonna get fucking picked up.

• 1:41:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:41:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I, like, I'll have a fart, and I go, hey, everyone, shh! I have to fart. And something grisly comes out.

• 1:41:42Mark Normand?

  Don't go over the Hulu closer.

• 1:41:44Speaker 00

  I know, and, and some of the women in the audience, they don't like it.

• 1:41:48Mark Normand?

  They don't like that kind of humor.

• 1:41:50Speaker 00

  Why?

• 1:41:51Mark Normand?

  They're not fun.

• 1:41:52Speaker 00

  Farts are like queefs.

• 1:41:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, queefs are hilarious.

• 1:41:55Speaker 00

  That's what my grandfather used to say.

• 1:41:55Mark Normand?

  Women get embarrassed by queefs, and I'm like, no, let it ride.

• 1:41:58Speaker 00

  But you always remember, farts are like queefs. They are stalking whore.

• 1:42:06Sam Morril?

  I think that new material is gonna leak right out of you, buddy. I feel good about it.

• 1:42:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, thanks for having me.

• 1:42:11Speaker 04

  Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of Pevereck, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:42:57Speaker 05

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