What's your vision? Erin Gray. Podcast Session 1.

What's your vision? Erin Gray. Podcast Session 1.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  What is the the story behind your why that you'd like to share with the audience?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  I think that there's different layers, but I think ultimately at the end of it, I think what I think is really important is when we have a good relationship with money, we're able to teach that to our children. And ultimately, you know, money is just a reflection of ourselves. And so when we have a good relationship, air quotes, right, good relationship with money, then that also reflects how we are with ourselves. And

• 0:36Speaker 01

  I think that when we, at least for me, and what I've noticed in myself and clients with women, is that when we have transformed our relationship with money, we literally are able to stop some of that generational

• 0:53Speaker 01

  experiences that we have incurred from the past and we're able to change the trajectory of our children's future by how we live and be with money.

• 1:07Speaker 00

  For sure. Wow. Tell me more about that.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  I mean, I think that if you're not aware of your relationship with money, you act on,

• 1:18Speaker 01

  you know, autopilot. So you might be saying things to your children that your parents told you or your grandparents told your parents. And so you just you reenact the same story that probably you grew up with. But when you are aware that you can have a different relationship with money, that you that your children can have a different relationship and a more, when I say different, what I mean is empowered relationship with money, then you empower your children as well.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  Let's talk both sides. What do you mean by an empowered relationship? And what's the other side of that equation?

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Well, the other side is disempowered. So lots of, um, I can't, we can't, um, it's not possible, all of the, like, almost kind of using money is the reason why you can't do something. And when you have an empowered relationship with money, it's the same, it's, it's the same that you are with yourself, right? Like, there's a, there's a way to have what you want, to generate what you want. You know, I grew up with a family that said, we can't afford that versus now I tell my child, like, that is not something that is in alignment with me and dad's values. And so we're choosing not to spend money on that. It's not because we can't afford it. It's because we choose not to pay for that.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  If you want to spend your money on that, that's totally okay, but that's not something we want to spend our money on, which gives the child the opportunity to really think about, like, do I want that? Do I want to go get it for myself? And how do I want to? I mean, obviously, she's 12. I wouldn't, you know, when she's five, that was a different story, but just, I think, being able to tell your children that you have a certain set of values, and sometimes what they want may not be with what you want. And instead of saying, oh, we can't afford it, or a lot of times, no matter how much money you have, that's too expensive. But really, what you mean is that by that is the amount of money that they're requesting isn't what you find value. You don't, you know, the value in the money does not match.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  And so using different language so that you can teach your children, you know, something isn't expensive, it's just you don't find value in it, or it's, um, yeah, overpriced for the amount that you actually want to pay. It's not expensive feels like it's out of my range. I can't have that versus I'm choosing not to buy this because X, Y, Z.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. Um, you know, have you seen the Captain America, the first one? Yeah, so in the, in it, there's a, I think there's a part in the movie where so Steve Rogers, before he takes the serum, and they're looking for someone to find, find someone who can take the serum, looking for qualities of, hey, we need these, these qualities. And they, they went and go ahead and choose Steve Rogers to do so. And Steve Rogers is this tiny dude, like, I think, five, two, five, three, and

• 4:27Speaker 00

  Um, everyone thinks like, why did you choose this guy? Alright, like, why did you choose this guy? So, the, I think the, the general, he takes a fake grenade, and people are just standing in the middle, there's like a lot, a lot of soldiers. And he takes a fake grenade and he throws it. Everyone goes away, but Steve Rogers, he jumps on the grenade. Like, get away, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna cover myself. So he, he was willing to sacrifice himself, and that's what the, what the general showed, like, the serum enhances every quality that you have.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  And it could be what good you want to do in the world. It could be how bad you want to do in the world. Uh, it enhances your muscles, it enhances your brain. I think it enhances every quality that you have. And I think that's one of the reasons they chose Steve Rogers, and that's how I kinda look at money. From what experience I've had, I think money as a tool, um, doesn't change who you are. I think what it does is, it, it just takes whatever you have and just makes it bigger and, and expansive in, in what you are. So if, if, um, greed is something, it's in your heart, right? And it's something that you, you practice and that you, in a way are. Um, I think money will take that and make you to a bigger level.

• 5:44Speaker 00

  And same, but if you're passionate about charity, if you're passionate about helping people, I think it will do the same thing where you're able to help more people now. You're able to give more now, you're able to inspire more now. So that's how I kinda interpret what you said today.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Um, yeah.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  Is that, is that relatable, or did I miss the mark completely?

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Um, I think that's one piece of it, you know, because you, you looked at it more so as greed or, um, good, you know, and I'm air quoting for those of the um, listeners that are listening. But it's also, if you are afraid, if you are fearful, the more money you have, you're gonna be more fearful. Right? And we think that the more money we have, the more at peace or confident we're gonna feel, but that's not true. It's like what you said, it is, it is an amplification. And so, really being able, first and foremost, we have to do it for ourselves before we're able to do it for our children. And I think also, you know, um,

• 6:47Speaker 01

  I think that there's just something, you know, I think I said this the last time, that there's something with the financial industry, we talk a lot about financial legacy. But I think one of the biggest legacies that we can, you know, impart to our children is that they are capable of making and generating their own money. And I think, you know, in the financial industry, it's like, oh, we want to accumulate this money and we want to be able to give it to whoever, whomever, upon our passing. But I think one of the biggest things that we can do is teach our children, you know, good financial literacy, and that they're able to generate it themselves, and that that is something that comes from within. It's not something that we get outside of us. So I think that's the other part of it, too.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Yeah. What would you say that that has done for your family, the literacy?

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Well, my child is probably tired of me talking about money. We talked a lot about money growing up. Like, my dad did educate me on money, but it was also from a very fear-based place, right, of not having enough, versus the way I look at it with my kid now is like, an abundant mentality, an expansive or sufficient, you know, mentality. And so, I think that the way that her relationship was with money at her age is vastly different than what it was at my, like, a 180, probably, at my age. And so, that's when I say, you know, we're like flipping the switch, or we're just like the fork in the road, we're

• 8:21Speaker 01

  able to, to really create a different life for our children. Like, yes, they have free will and they grow up and they do their own thing, but they're, but they're not being indoctrinated with this fear scarcity mindset, once we have.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Worked through and continue to work through our relationship with money.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  Would you say this is a little challenge to you? Do you, would you say that they're indoctrinated on the other side though?

• 8:53Speaker 01

  I don't think so. I don't think it's one or other. I think the brain wants to go one way or other, you know? I think that there's definitely times when, you know, I feel it in my body when the scarcity shows up. But then my ability to catch it and to correct it is so much quicker than what it used to be. And then able to have those conversations with my child about that. And to talk about money in a very neutral place. I think we want to look at like abundance versus like a lot of times we just have conversations around money. Like we have conversations around the weather. It's not charged like it was in my house.

• 9:34Speaker 00

  Wow. Thank you for sharing that. That's, that's, that's, I think definitely a lot of different ways to look at it. And, and I think the more, the more we're not able to react or act.

• 9:51Speaker 00

  Through, I would say stimulus is empowers us to make the right choices in our, in our life. I think if I'm guessing this right, I think that's your ultimate goal for your kids is to make the right decision with all the, with all the knowledge in hand, correct?

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Yes. And I don't think, you know, I was just talking to a client about this earlier today. I don't think the goal is to never not react because we're human, right? We have emotions, we have.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  I was gonna go into the brain, you know, like we have all these neurochemicals, like that is just part of being a human on this planet. But the speed at which we can see what we are doing and how quickly we can go back to, let's just call it that state of neutrality. And we can catch ourselves. I think that's the skill set that I want to teach. My, you know, my child and other people because that, once you know that skill set, once you, you know how to do that. Then whatever comes up, you get to see it, you get to see you are separate from it, you aren't, it's not who you are. And then you get to get back to, to baseline or, or yeah, I don't want to say normal, but neutrality.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  Yeah. So let's explore that. I want to explore that skill set. What can you share about, about that skill set with us today?

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Ask me that question a different way, like, how do you get good at it? How do you realize that you're in it? What do you want to know?

• 11:18Speaker 00

  How do you recognize? First, there's a need for that skill set. And I would say, second question is, once you've recognized it, how do you improve? Or get better at using that skill set? Because we've already covered why you want to get better at that skill set, right? So now, let's get to how you recognize it and how you improve on it.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  I think first and foremost, you are able to tell by how you feel in your body. And a lot of us are not connected to our bodies. We, I, I used to be this way, where I act in a very mind-based approach. And it was almost like my body was separate from my mind. But how you feel on a consistent basis, when you look at your P and L, when you look at your assets, when you look at, when you get an IRS, you know, letter in the mail, when you, like, when your kid asks you, I want to buy XYZ, whatever it is, when those money things come up, how do you feel in your body? And if it is not neutral and/or expansive, and it feels more contracted, or it feels more sphere-based,

• 12:26Speaker 01

  or it feels scared, or you feel shame or guilt, then that is where you get to start to explore, okay, there is something there for me to look at. So I would say that would be number one. And then, how do you get good at this skill set? Awareness typically, in the beginning, happens after the fact, right? So you notice, let's just say that you look at your P and L and you have feelings around it, because it's not what you think it should be, air quotes, should be. And you are aware of what emotions and feelings and thoughts that you are having, based on those numbers, that math staring at you.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Then what happens is sometimes you and you might have a reaction to it, right? That is that first awareness piece is it you you catch things after the fact. Then the next step or awareness is you see it happening in real time, like noticing. Like the other day I noticed something with our taxes and I was like, oh, I saw I felt the feelings coming up with inside me. And I'm like, I see what's happening here and it's almost kind of like I was watching what was happening within my body. And I was like, I I saw that separation on like, I'm gonna feel this because clearly this is coming up to be expressed, to be transcended. And I'm gonna feel this and then I'm gonna, you know, move through it.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  And then the other side is that you intentionally, right? And this doesn't happen 100% of the time, like I don't think we ever get to this place because I think that puts a lot of pressure on us. But what is your state of being when it comes to yourself with money? And so is it 70, 80% of the time that you are purposely going in with the intention of feeling what are the, what are those feelings you want to feel? Peaceful, calm, confident, empowered, um, neutral, like what are those feelings? And then practicing those on a daily basis and then noticing when you go, you know, into those blips of scarcity or fear based?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  And then coming back out, but that that kind of happens in um a phase, I guess, you know, your awareness shifts as the more that you do it, the more that you become aware, the more that you are connected to yourself and your body.

• 14:42Speaker 00

  Let's talk with an example. So I understand that better. Um, can you share some of those examples that actually relate directly to it?

• 14:50Speaker 01

  So like I mentioned, like, let's just say that, you know, some people like there's apparently like in the US, you know, we have the IRS. Um, and so for some people, that's a very triggering thing for them, like they have been taught, like you don't want to be audited. There's a lot of fear around that. So let's say that they were, they got a letter in the mail and maybe it was just inside the letter was, hey, we noticed you changed your address. If this is not correct, let us know. But you see that letter from the Internal Revenue Service and then you feel those feelings, right? You think, oh, my goodness, I don't want to open it up. I don't want to open the letter. Or you think, oh, my goodness, what happened? Am I being audited? Or you think, you know?

• 15:32Speaker 01

  The thousand thoughts that you might think or feel and then recognizing if you were, if you were in the first stage of awareness, you may not even notice that that's what's happening, right? So you would open up the envelope and then you would be, you would read it and it would say, oh, they just are confirming that I changed my address. Then you could look back and be like, oh, look how I felt in my body when I saw that in the mailbox. So that's that late, you know, that's that first stage of awareness. If you're in the middle stage of awareness, you would be opening up the letter and you'd be like, I noticed what's happening in my body. I'm feeling fear or I'm feeling maybe shame and I'm recognizing this and I'm,

• 16:14Speaker 01

  I'm allowing this to pass through me. And, you know, I do a lot of like hand on heart, somatic work of like, okay, I see what's happening here. This is an old story that's coming up, that's, you know, wanting to be released. And then if you were on the other side of, you've practiced in your mind, you've actually practiced receiving the IRS statement. And when you get it, you feel nothing. That is the other side of the awareness.

• 16:42Speaker 00

  So this, so someone gets an IRS statement and they think of the worst case scenario.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Sometimes they do. Yeah.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  And worst case scenario and but that this, this method helps them in case there is a worst case scenario. But, right?

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Well, that's one piece and maybe the IRS isn't the best statement, but when you are practicing, how do you, who is the person that has a calm and neutral relationship with money? That's what you want to be practicing. So that's, that comes with, um, you know, meditation and envisioning, visioning, because the, the brain and the body, they don't know any different between actual what's happening between me and you right here, or if I were to have rehearsed this interview 60 times, the body doesn't know any different. So you start rehearsing, who is, and this is where it really gets down to, who is the person? That feels calm and trusts, you know, themselves with money and that is empowered

• 17:48Speaker 01

  and that is, and I would say even neutral with money. Like you're not super high when you have a lot of money and you're not, you know, swinging low when you don't. So really focusing on how do I want to be? Who is the person that has a neutral, calm, peaceful relationship with money?

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Thank you for being here today. I'm really happy that you tuned in to Vision Pros Live. I'm looking forward to seeing your reactions as these episodes continue to move forward. This is going to get more and more fun. We'll have more and more engagement as well. We'll invite people to participate in the show and thank you for giving us your time and attention. Have an excellent time building out your vision and becoming a vision pro yourself.