229. Rethinks: How to Speak Successfully When You’re Put on the Spot

To celebrate its second anniversary, we revisit our favourite tools and tips from Matt’s book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter. Original executive producer Jenny Luna https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/jenny-luna/ turns the tables and interviews host and strategic communications lecturer Matt Abrahams about his bestselling book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot https://www.fastersmarter.io/think-faster-talk-smarter. To celebrate the book’s second anniversary, this special Rethinks episode dives into Matt’s most practical tips, powerful frameworks, and mindset shifts to help you speak with confidence in any spontaneous situation. From managing anxiety to structuring your thoughts on the fly, it’s filled with tools to help you become a more effective communicator. Episode Reference Links: Jenny Luna https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/jenny-luna/Think Faster Talk Smarter https://www.fastersmarter.io/think-faster-talk-smarter Ep.10 High-Stakes Communication: How to Manage Anxiety When Speaking in Front of Others https://www.fastersmarter.io/10-high-stakes-communication-how-to-manage-anxiety-when-speaking-in-front-of-others/Ep.112 From Mistakes to "Missed Takes" https://www.fastersmarter.io/112-from-mistakes-to-missed-takes/Ep.107 Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot https://www.fastersmarter.io/107-think-faster-talk-smarter-how-to-speak-successfully-when-youre-put-on-the-spot/ Connect: Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium https://www.fastersmarter.io/premium/Email Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>>Think Fast Talk Smart Website https://www.fastersmarter.io/229-rethinks-how-to-speak-successfully-when-youre-put-on-the-spot/Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>>FasterSmarter.io http://fastersmarter.io/Think Fast Talk Smart >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/think-fast-talk-smart/,Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thinkfasttalksmart/, YouTube https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6caGRBUYZCmgDGM2RK6mxKB9jG_ccmm3Matt Abrahams >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/maabrahams/ Chapters: (00:00) - Introduction (01:40) - Defining Spontaneous Speaking (02:30) - Origins of Matt’s Interest (03:21) - The Six-Step Methodology (04:06) - Shifting Your Mindset (08:16) - Practical Structures for Speaking (10:31) - The “F-Word” of Spontaneous Speaking (12:04) - Communication Lessons from Martial Arts (13:24) - The Karate Pants Story (15:20) - Hosting 100 Episodes (16:35) - On-the-Spot Challenges (21:51) - Conclusion ******** Thank you to our sponsors. These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost. Learn more about how Notion https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast can support your business at notion.com/thinkfast. https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. https://learning.fastersmarter.io/?redirect_from=podpage

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt Abrahams?

  In the moment, conflict is difficult for everyone. In our October newsletter, out now, you will learn ways to help yourself handle these challenges better. Not only do you get specific advice, we're also providing an infographic to help you remember. Find our newsletter on the Think Fast, Talk Smart LinkedIn page or at fastersmarter.io under Resources.

• 0:23Matt Abrahams?

  Hi, Matt here. Who doesn't dread being put on the spot and having to communicate in the moment? It can be so stressful. In celebration of the two-year anniversary of my book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When Put on the Spot, we're going to go back in our vault for a Rethinks episode where I speak with Jenny Luna, our original executive producer, about ways to feel more comfortable and confident when you have to speak in the moment. To further celebrate, I am going to unlock some free book resources, including videos, infographics, and more. Go to fastersmarter.io/bonus to get this material. Again, fastersmarter.io/bonus.

• 1:06Matt Abrahams?

  Before we start the episode, though, I wanted to share that I am thrilled so many people around the world are working to hone and develop their spontaneous speaking. Thank you. And again, please check out the newly accessible free book content at fastersmarter.io/bonus. Now, on with the show. I got to admit, I'm both excited and a little nervous. I'm in the hot seat.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  I'm Jenny Luna. Welcome to Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. Today, we have a bit of a twist on our normal episode format. I'm going to sit in the host seat and put Matt in the hot seat. Matt's new book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You're Put on the Spot, launches at the end of this month. So I thought it would be fun to put him in the hot seat and ask him his thoughts on spontaneous speaking. Welcome, Matt. Are you ready for this?

• 2:02Matt Abrahams?

  I am super excited for this, Jenny. Thank you. I'm going to do my best to think faster and talk smarter.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Okay, let's get started. Your new book is on spontaneous speaking. How do you define that? And what made you want to focus on that for your book?

• 2:16Matt Abrahams?

  Throughout my life, I have always been spontaneous speaking. With the last name Abrahams, A-B, I have always gone first. So in elementary school, in high school, even in college and graduate school, I was always the first person asked to speak. I know what it feels like to be put on the spot. And that's really what spontaneous speaking is all about. It's about that moment where you are called on to step up and say something. Maybe it's answering a question, giving feedback in the moment, fixing a mistake you made, being called on to introduce somebody, or even during small talk. So spontaneous speaking, if you think about it, happens all the time in our personal lives and our professional lives.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  I didn't realize this had such personal roots for you, Matt. I really like that. And so how did you come to be interested in kind of helping others with this concept?

• 3:07Matt Abrahams?

  About a decade ago, the deans at the business school came to me with a problem. And the problem was that our incredibly bright students were panicking and choking in cold call situations. You know where the professor says, "What do you think?" And you have to respond? Our students, who knew the answers, who were very bright, could not in the moment respond. And they asked me, "Can you help?" And as a result of that, I got very interested in exploring how we can be better speakers in the moment. And through doing research on my own, looking into other fields, and collaborating with people here at the business school, but especially with my colleague from the arts department, Adam Tobin, who's an excellent improviser, came up with a lot of this content.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Interesting, okay. And I know you're famous around campus and out in the world for this six-step methodology on spontaneous speaking. Can you walk us through those steps?

• 3:59Matt Abrahams?

  Famous is a big word, but I've definitely spent a lot of time talking about this. The methodology that I've come up with and that we walk all of our MBA students through, they can opt in to learn this content, and most of them do. It's really divided into two major areas: mindset and messaging. So we have to adjust our mindset. And part of mindset is also dealing with anxiety and listening. And then messaging is about how we structure our messages. And then how do we focus them? On this podcast, we've talked a lot about structure. We've talked a lot about being concise and clear. And those are all part of the six-step methodology.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, we've talked a lot about managing anxiety a few times on this podcast. We've had a lot of guests talk about it. You did a whole episode on it a few years ago. It's one of our more popular episodes among listeners. So let's, let's drill down more into the mindset part of your methodology. Can you help us understand these different shifts that you suggest in a mindset? And also tell us what you mean when you write in the book about missed takes.

• 5:01Matt Abrahams?

  The way we approach communication, period, but especially spontaneous communication, really matters. And there are a couple of key mindset shifts, I think, that we, we should adopt to feel more comfortable and confident in spontaneous situations. First is, we often strive for perfection. And I would argue that we should rather be looking for connection. On the very first day of the strategic communication class I co-teach, I have the audacity to say to my students, maximize your mediocrity. And Jenny, you should see their jaws drop. These students have never been told to be mediocre. But here's the logic behind that.

• 5:41Matt Abrahams?

  When we strive to be great, when we strive to be right or perfect in our communication, it actually prevents us from doing it well at all. And it comes down to a simple issue of cognitive bandwidth. Think of your brain as a computer. It's not a perfect analogy, but when you're running your laptop or your phone and you have lots of apps or windows open, your computer is not running as effectively as it could. In essence, everything's a little slower. The same thing is true when you're speaking and you're monitoring everything you're saying and judging and evaluating it as you're saying it or even before you're saying it. You're not as effective. So when we dial the volume down, we can actually perform better. So I'm not saying we shouldn't judge and evaluate what we say.

• 6:25Matt Abrahams?

  We should, but if we turn the volume down a little bit, we can do it better. So the whole saying I tell my students on that first day is maximize mediocrity so you can achieve greatness. When we focus on connecting with our audience, delivering a message that's relevant for them, we can actually do it better if we're not judging and evaluating. So that's the first mindset shift. Connection over perfection. The second is to see these spontaneous speaking situations as opportunities rather than threats. Many of us, when we're put under the gauntlet of Q and A or asked for feedback in the moment, we feel like we have to defend our position. We have to be... Perfect in the threat of challenge. And so, how do we deal with that? We get in a very tight body posture.

• 7:10Matt Abrahams?

  Our responses are curt and short. Our tone is harsh. If we see these as opportunities, as the ability to connect, to expand, to collaborate, it changes completely how we feel. Now, I'm not naive. I know people do actually challenge us. But even in those moments, if we see it as an opportunity to connect, it really changes things. So, we want to strive for connection over perfection. We want to see these circumstances as opportunities. And then finally, many of us fear making mistakes. We don't want to make mistakes. And as we've talked about on this podcast before, mistakes are ways that we learn. You have to break a few things in order to actually learn and progress. So, I like to encourage people to reframe how they see mistakes.

• 7:54Matt Abrahams?

  And you know, in the making of films or television, they do lots of takes. We've all seen that little clapboard that comes down. They say, "Take one, take two." I think if we see our communication and the things that go wrong as missed takes rather than mistakes, it can really help us. So, when a movie director is looking at a particular scene, she might be asking the actors to do it again and again, different takes, not because any one take is wrong, but because they're looking for something a little different. Maybe you do it standing up versus sitting. Maybe you put a little more emotion in one part versus the other. So, when things don't go the way we want them to, if we see them as a missed take, just another opportunity to do it differently next time, that feels very different than having gotten it wrong.

• 8:39Matt Abrahams?

  So, those three mindset shifts can make a big difference in our communication.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  I love this concept of turning the volume down, turning the internal volume down, and then taking things not as threats, but as opportunities, and then reframing into a missed take instead of a mistake. That's great. When it comes to structure, I love in your book how you provide a series of examples and advice for situations we find ourselves in, like small talk, making an apology, giving a toast or an introduction, and giving feedback. That's a big one. The one structure that I put into use right away was your pitching structure. Can you share that with listeners and then give an example of pitching structure?

• 9:24Matt Abrahams?

  Sure. So often, we're in these circumstances where we have to sell an idea, or sell a product, or a service, and we're put on the spot. You literally get in the elevator with somebody and they say, "What do you do?" And you have to give that elevator pitch. And it can be hard. As a result of work I've done here at the business school with lots of entrepreneurs, I developed a four-sentence structured pitch. If you finish these sentence starters, you have a good pitch. And they are: "What if you could..." "So that..." For example, "And that's not all." So if you finish each one of those, it gives you a really tight, clear pitch and idea of what it is that you are selling, if you will. So let's say I was

• 10:06Matt Abrahams?

  explaining to somebody about our podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, something that you do amazing work for. And somebody, let's say I'm in an elevator, or I'm in a small talk, chit-chat situation, somebody says, "Tell me about your podcast." I would say, "What if you could learn to hone and develop your communication skills so that you can achieve your personal and professional goals? For example, you could learn how to be more confident, more persuasive, and even more creative in your communication. And that's not all. You'll join a wonderful community of other people who are also trying to build their communication skills." Do you hear how just finishing those four sentences really

• 10:46Matt Abrahams?

  provides a tight, clear pitch? It makes it relevant, it makes it impactful, and memorable.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  I'm sold. This sounds like a fantastic podcast.

• 10:56Matt Abrahams?

  Well, you should listen to it, maybe.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Something that we hear time and again from our guests and from our listeners is, "How well you do with paraphrasing, being concise, and being clear?" You have a chapter in your new book, what you call "The F-word of spontaneous speaking." So can you give us some advice around that?

• 11:16Matt Abrahams?

  F-word for focus, not that naughty word that some of you were talking about. I think paraphrasing is a critical tool in communication. And one of the ways that you can be more focused is to make sure that what you're saying is relevant and targeted to your audience. Asking, clarifying questions, and paraphrasing serves as a tool to help you focus. So if we are in a conversation and you ask me for feedback, I could jump right into giving feedback, or I might say... I might ask you a question. Do you want feedback about what you said or about what we could do differently in the future? And that clarifying question helps me focus. So there's a lot we can do to help focus our messages based on what we do before we actually provide those messages. Certainly, there are things we can do once we're speaking

• 12:00Matt Abrahams?

  as well. I'm a huge fan of trying to eliminate extraneous words, or acronyms, or jargon. So really focusing on focusing our messages is critical, especially in spontaneous speaking, because so often, we are actually taking people along the journey of ourselves, discovering what we want to say as we say it, and we say much more than we need to. And Jenny, you've heard me say this many times, but I'll share it again. My mother has this wonderful saying that gets to the heart of this. Tell me the time, don't build me the clock.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Focus is a great segue into my next question. We've had a lot of guests talk about mindfulness, taking a pause, focusing on the breath when we're getting anxious about our communication. And I know that you practice martial arts, and you have for many years, right?

• 12:46Matt Abrahams?

  I have decades, yes.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  So what similarities, I'm curious, do you see between communication and martial arts?

• 12:53Matt Abrahams?

  I love this question, and thank you for asking. I don't often share about my martial arts journey, but I've been doing the martial arts for four decades now. I've studied many, many styles. I still participate and teach the martial arts today. And it's been so instructive to me in so many ways. But in terms of communication, the martial arts teach you to be present, to respond to what's happening in front of you, to think about how your moves, or what it is that you do, impacts not just the person in front of you, but the environment and situation. And all of those are mirrored in communication. I am a better communicator because of my martial arts, and perhaps a better martial

• 13:36Matt Abrahams?

  artist because of my communication, but they're intimately linked. I encourage everybody to try to find a physical practice that can inform our day-to-day interactions and who we are in the world. And for me, the martial arts have done that.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  I know you tell a great story about a martial arts experience you had as a young person. I'm wondering if you can tell that story again, just while we have more listeners right now.

• 14:03Matt Abrahams?

  Thank you Jenny. The, perhaps the most embarrassing moment of my entire life happened when I was a 14 year old boy. On the very first day of my freshman year, my English professor had all of us stand up and tell what we did that summer. Of course, I went first, as I said, being first row, first seat. And at the end of the day, he came up to me and said, Matt, you're good at this talking thing. I need you to go to this speech tournament. I think every teacher had to send one student from their classes, so I was his student. And he said, give a speech on something that's important to you. So begrudgingly, I went, I put on, you know, I had my dad tie a tie for me. I was wearing pants that were way too short. I had grown over the summer. I show up 7:30 in the morning, giving a speech on the martial arts. That was important to me then, as it is now.

• 14:48Matt Abrahams?

  And in the room are 40 or 50 people. The parents of my friends who are judging my friends. The girl I liked is in the room. It's my turn to go. I'm so nervous. I am so nervous. So nervous that I forgot to put on my special karate pants. If you know anything about the martial arts, the pants you wear are very loose fitting, so you can do kicks. And that's exactly how I started my speech, with a karate kick. It got everybody's attention. And it really got their attention, because when I did this kick, I ripped my pants, I kid you not, from zipper to belt buckle.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 15:21Matt Abrahams?

  In the first 10 seconds of a 10 minute speech. And it is at that moment, and from that moment, that I became fascinated by the impact of anxiety on communication. And that's what really motivated me to actually study it and do everything that I've done. All goes back to that gym on a Saturday morning as a 14 year old boy. So yes, the martial arts had a huge impact on me. It exposed me to so many things, literally and figuratively.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  That's a great story. And there are so many things that influence our work that come from our personal lives as an example of that. Matt, let's take a break from spontaneous speaking and ask you about hosting this podcast. I feel very fortunate to be part of our small but mighty team. And I'm curious how you feel about having completed 100 episodes.

• 16:10Matt Abrahams?

  The first word that comes to mind is gratitude. It has been a true pleasure to work with you, Jenny, and all the work you do behind the scenes to make this thing a success. Our colleague Neil and others in the marketing communication team is fantastic. But the thing that I'm most grateful for is just the connection that I and we have with our listeners. It has been truly a blessing and just amazing to get to know people from all over the world, from all walks of life, from places I've never heard of, who are not just benefiting from the podcast, but also connecting to our larger community and really helping each other and role modeling some of the things that we talk about.

• 16:50Matt Abrahams?

  I have learned more hosting this podcast from our guests and our audience members than I ever thought possible. So when you ask me, what do I think about it? And how do I reflect on this? It's really just from a place of gratitude. It's been awesome. We'll be right back to finish our conversation. But first, we're going to take a quick break for a word from our sponsors. Their support covers the cost of production, so we can bring you this show for free. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. The best communicators don't just get their message across, they make it easy for people to know what to do next. Your website can do the same thing. With Squarespace, you can build a polished online presence that clearly shows people who you are, what you offer, and how they can work with you. If you offer coaching, consulting, classes, or other services,

• 17:35Matt Abrahams?

  Squarespace lets you showcase those offerings, take payments, and use Acuity Scheduling so people can book time with you directly. And with built-in analytics, you can see how people are finding and engaging with your site, helping you make smarter decisions about where to focus. So your online presence doesn't just look professional, it helps people take action. Go to Squarespace.com/thinkfast for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code THINKFAST to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hi, Matt here. Sometimes the biggest obstacle to getting something done isn't the idea, the plan, or even the budget. It's finding the right person to help you execute.

• 18:18Matt Abrahams?

  And the longer that takes, the easier it is to lose momentum. That's where today's sponsor Upwork can help. Upwork gives businesses fast access to highly skilled freelance professionals across areas like marketing, design, software development, AI, and business operations. And with Business Plus, you can access the top 1% of talent on Upwork. AI-powered shortlisting gives you a curated list of freelancers matched to your goals in under six hours. So you can spend less time searching for the right person and more time actually moving the work forward. Visit upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That's upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U.P.W.O.R.K. dot com.

• 19:03Matt Abrahams?

  Upwork.com.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I thought we'd end today's show a little bit differently, since on a prior episode, you've answered the questions that you ask all of the guests. I want to put you to the test and ask you to think faster and talk smarter. I'm going to give you three prompts that reflect some of the situations that you provide in your new book and ask you to respond. Are you ready for that?

• 19:26Matt Abrahams?

  I am, and just so everybody knows, I have no idea what Jenny is going to ask me.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I treasure feedback. What is one thing you would suggest that I could do to be a better podcast host?

• 19:39Matt Abrahams?

  I'm going to leverage the what, so what, now what structure that I teach. And for those of you who haven't heard me talk about this, what is the information, the idea, the product, the service, in this case, the feedback? The so what is why is it important? And the now what is what could the person do differently? Or what comes next? So I'm going to find some constructive thing to say, because you asked for it, and I know you truly accept feedback as a gift. There are times where you have been looking away in our conversation, and for me, it's a little hard, because I know you make such intense eye contact always. So the feedback I would give you in the what is sometimes you look away when you're asking questions. When you do that, it makes me feel disconnected. That's the so what.

• 20:22Matt Abrahams?

  So in the future, I would ask that you keep your eye contact on me or whoever you're interviewing to really help foster that connection and make it easier on the guest.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  So it sounds like by making more eye contact, we can be more successful in our communication. And I'm going to work on that.

• 20:38Matt Abrahams?

  Wow, great paraphrase.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  It takes a lot of listening to be able to do that. Okay, so we have a new resource. We're providing listeners who want to learn English by listening to our podcast. How would you pitch that to them?

• 20:52Matt Abrahams?

  All right, so we're going to try this. What if you could learn to feel more comfortable speaking in the English language? So that you can participate in some of your daily and business interactions more comfortably? For example, you could learn specific idioms and phrasing that might help you in situations that you encounter. And that's not all. You'll be able to enjoy Think Fast, Talk Smart episodes even more.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Wonderful. That structure really does work well. Okay, question three. The entire Stanford GSB community has come together to celebrate the podcast. You have to give a toast. Go.

• 21:34Matt Abrahams?

  Oh, boy. So I have a structure I teach in the book. It's called WHAT, W-H-A-T, for giving toasts and tributes. The W is why are we all here? The H is how are you, the person speaking, connected? Then an anecdote or two, that's the A. And then finally, the thanking or the toasting at the end. So it's W-H-A-T. So I might say, thank you all for being here to celebrate the GSB's Think Fast, Talk Smart 100th anniversary episode. I, Matt, am the host of this podcast and just one of a small but mighty team of people that bring this to you. I remember back years ago when we were first thinking of this idea and brainstorming and wondering, would anybody ever listen,

• 22:17Matt Abrahams?

  let alone want to be a guest on the podcast? And it has been fantastic to see that people actually do want to listen and do want to join us. So I thank every single one of you for being here. And I thank every single one of you for being a part of the Think Fast, Talk Smart family.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Wonderful. Here, here. And congratulations, Matt, not only to 100 episodes, but to your new book. I know we're all looking forward to cracking that open. Um, your passion for communication and thank you for your concise, clear, and helpful guidance as always, and I wish you well on the new book. That was a great conversation and I look forward to many more.

• 22:54Matt Abrahams?

  Jenny, thank you so much for all you do for the podcast, for sitting in and interviewing me. While this guest seat is pretty comfy, I look forward to getting back into the host seat soon.

• 23:06Matt Abrahams?

  Thank you for listening to this Rethinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. To learn more about managing speaking anxiety, please listen to episode 10. And to work on your spontaneous speaking mindset, please check out episode 112. This episode was produced by Catherine Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams. Our music is from Floyd Wonder, with special thanks to Podium Podcast Company. Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe and rate us. Also, follow us on LinkedIn, TikTok, and Instagram. And check out fastersmarter.io for deep dive videos, English language learning content, and our newsletter. Please consider our premium offering for extended Deep Thinks episodes,

• 23:51Matt Abrahams?

  Ask Matt Anythings, and much more at fastersmarter.io/premium. Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you for listening. It really means a lot to hear how people all over the world are using these ideas in their own lives. It inspires me and the whole team that brings you this show. If you want more episodes and resources, feel free to follow, subscribe, and explore past conversations. We're grateful for your support of Think Fast, Talk Smart.