Pod Insights The Rewatchables ‘Just One of the Guys’ With Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt, and Joanna Robinson About this episode The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Joanna Robinson are joined by Kyle Brandt to pursue a career in journalism after they revisit the 1985 teen comedy ‘Just One of the Guys,’ starring Joyce Hyser, Clayton Rohner, and Billy Jayne.
Producers: Craig Horlbeck, Chia Hao Tat, and Eduardo Ocampo
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Transcript 26,656 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Bill Simmons? This episode is brought to you by Angry Orchard Hard Cider. Halloween's just better with a scary movie and something good to drink. Angry Orchard's limited edition glow-in-the-dark thriller variety pack is the perfect companion. It even includes a mystery flavor can featuring the iconic ghost face from Scream. Don't get angry, get orchard this Halloween. Find Angry Orchard in a store near you or visit angryorchard.com. Angry Orchard, cider company, LLC. Angryorchard.com. Please drink responsibly. Angry Orchard is a hard cider with other natural flavors. This episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures, Wild Horse 9.
0:41 Bill Simmons? John Malkovich and Sam Rockwell, I like those guys, star in the sharp-witted comedy thriller from Academy Award winner Martin McDonagh. Writer-director of The Banshees of Inisherin and Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, set in the 1970s, filmed on location on Easter Island. Malkovich and Rockwell play CIA agents Chris and Lee, who are caught in a dangerous game of secrets and survival. Also starring Steve Buscemi, another one of my guys, Parker Posey and Tom Waits. Wild Horse 9 is being hailed by critics as a revitalizing shot of pure entertainment and easily one of the best films of the year. Don't miss Wild Horse 9, only in theaters November 6th. Get tickets now.
1:30 Bill Simmons? The Rewatchables is brought to you by The Ringer Podcast Network. That's Joanna Robinson. You can find her on House of R, The Ringer Podcast Network.
1:37 Speaker 01 True.
1:38 Bill Simmons? There's a lot of R stuff happening these days.
1:40 Speaker 01 You mean?
1:41 Bill Simmons? Thrones.
1:42 Speaker 01 Thrones is back.
1:43 Bill Simmons? Dragon something.
1:44 Speaker 01 Not just playing in your sauna anymore, also now on HBO.
1:47 Bill Simmons? Are we in the 1200s? What century are we in?
1:49 Speaker 01 That's a great question. It's a great question.
1:51 Bill Simmons? Um, Kyle Brandt. Hey, bud. I don't know how many rewatchables for you now. Are we over 20?
1:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think so.
1:56 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:57 Bill Simmons? Only the second we've ever done in person.
1:59 Speaker 02 Yes.
2:00 Bill Simmons? The first we've ever done in a three-person group.
2:02 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
2:03 Speaker 01 Are there jackets if you go over 20?
2:06 Speaker 02 Three timers.
2:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
2:07 Speaker 02 The 20 timers, yes.
2:08 Speaker 01 The 20 timers club?
2:09 Bill Simmons? That's a great idea. We should mention your shirt. Do you want to talk about the shirt really quick?
2:13 Speaker 02 This is our friends at Karolko, who make our favorite movies. I think, how many rewatchables I've done, Bill, like 80% of them are made by these people, including a little film called Over the Top. It's an arm wrestling movie based on truck drivers, and we did it on the show. And so I have the shirt, and I brought a housewarming gift for Bill. I've never been here before, but I brought you a Karolko shirt as well.
2:33 Bill Simmons? Yeah, we became fascinated by this production company, which seemed like a combination of money laundering.
2:38 Speaker 01 It's very shady.
2:39 Bill Simmons? The Middle East is involved.
2:40 Speaker 02 It's the best.
2:40 Bill Simmons? And they went under. There was a documentary about them.
2:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:44 Bill Simmons? They really were our spirit animals.
2:45 Speaker 01 Why aren't you wearing the shirts? You guys can be twins.
2:47 Bill Simmons? Yeah, yeah.
2:48 Speaker 02 And you know what? They make really good movies. I don't know about the business. They make damn good movies, though.
2:53 Bill Simmons? Well, we wanted to do something really good, especially with Netflix coming up.
2:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:57 Bill Simmons? You and I have been circling this one for years. I asked Joanna for a list. It's like, you know, you're gonna be in town more. Give me your top 10.
3:04 Speaker 01 Did I put this on my top 10 list?
3:06 Bill Simmons? You put it on the list.
3:07 Speaker 01 That sounds not true.
3:09 Bill Simmons? You did.
3:09 Speaker 01 Okay.
3:10 Bill Simmons? It's on there.
3:10 Speaker 01 Okay.
3:11 Bill Simmons? And then now we're all together. Just One of the Guys is next.
3:30 Bill Simmons? Just One of the Guys, 1985.
3:33 Speaker 01 The rewatchable everyone's been clamoring for, right?
3:36 Bill Simmons? It was on HBO, I think, for 10 straight years after it came out. It's an unbelievable movie. It has become a beloved movie in my family. For some reason, my kids love this movie. There's like five, six 80s movies they absolutely love. This is one of them.
3:51 Speaker 01 What else is on the list?
3:52 Bill Simmons? You know, Breakfast Club, Secret Admirer, The Karate Kid.
3:57 Speaker 02 Sure.
3:57 Bill Simmons? Can't Buy Me Love is probably number one.
3:59 Speaker 02 We walked into your house today. I just expected Limitless to be on. I was kind of disappointed it wasn't.
4:03 Bill Simmons? Might have watched some movie yesterday to get ready for the pod. This is a movie that probably would not be made in 2026, or if it was made, it would be a little different.
4:13 Speaker 01 A little different.
4:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:14 Bill Simmons? Why do we love this movie, Kyle Brandt?
4:17 Speaker 02 Well, it's tough to stick the landing on a journalism movie based almost entirely on tits. Very, very difficult to do. You just don't see them much. And you know, as a fan of the show, Bill, I'm a huge Rewatchables nerd. There's always a lot of talk about the hang. What is the hang like? And as an adult watching this movie, the hang is so fun because there's almost no adults. There's very few teachers. It's just young, pretty, funny people running around and all of them are just trying to get laid. There's such a sexual energy here. And the origin story for a lot of us for this movie goes back to a very special place. About two seconds of this movie. It's about 100 minutes long. There's two seconds that really, really resonate for me. And that's why it keeps me coming back.
4:58 Bill Simmons? And it was a shocking, shocking moment, the first time you saw it. Cause it's a PG movie. It was a high school movie. They never did stuff like that.
5:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
5:06 Bill Simmons? There's so many reasons.
5:07 Speaker 01 That's not true. I mean, there's surprise tits all the time in 80s comedies.
5:11 Speaker 02 I like this.
5:11 Speaker 01 You're just watching something and all of a sudden there's like, there's boobs.
5:14 Bill Simmons? So, alright, let's, let's talk this out.
5:16 Speaker 02 Let's go right to the main event. It's fine. What are we doing here?
5:18 Speaker 03 We have the award. Jamie Lee Curtis trading places. Whoa!
5:21 Speaker 01 Trade, exactly. What's this doing here?
5:24 Bill Simmons? No, but I'm talking like Breakfast Club.
5:26 Speaker 01 Sure.
5:26 Bill Simmons? 16 Candles.
5:27 Speaker 01 John Hughes didn't do it.
5:28 Bill Simmons? The John Hughes, those ones didn't really do it. I guess when you moved into The Secret of Mara, they tried to do it. Camp By Me Love didn't do it. So it'd be like 50/50. In this one, it just seemed like, it's actually a plot device. And leads to one of the funniest.
5:42 Speaker 01 Maybe.
5:43 Bill Simmons? Well, maybe. We'll talk about some of the research for that. Leads to one of the funniest lines I think anyone said in one of these movies that was unintentionally funny.
5:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:52 Bill Simmons? But it's, it's just a movie that would not exist now.
5:55 Speaker 01 So we were talking about HBO before we started recording. I, we didn't have HBO. So I didn't watch this on HBO. And I didn't watch this on VHS. I watched it on Comedy Central, which means my cut had no tits in it.
6:07 Speaker 02 Oh, what?
6:08 Speaker 01 So I didn't know until.
6:10 Bill Simmons? So it's like a quick cut just to his reaction?
6:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, his reaction shot.
6:13 Speaker 02 That's like Top Gun where there's no planes. Like what?
6:15 Speaker 01 So I actually, until we started researching this, I didn't know that this was like with Fast Times as like an all-timer freeze-frame 80s movie. I didn't know that. Love to know.
6:26 Bill Simmons? I separated my 80s movies I love into five different groups. I'm just glad you're here for this, because I know. I got some groups. Go ahead. Here's the great, the great group. Breakfast Club, Fast Times, Risky Business, like movies that kind of transcended where we were in the eighties. Okay. The huge group, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller, Karate Kid, just big, big, big ass movies. Seminal, yes.
6:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:51 Bill Simmons? That still have legs to this day. The sports, Vision Quest, All the Right Moves, Lucas, where there's like some sort of sports angle. The horny crazy movies, Class, Weird Science, Teen Wolf.
7:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:04 Bill Simmons? Movies that are just like, there's probably cocaine involved when the script got approved. Teen Wolf is a movie that I don't know how it got made. Same here. I put Revenge of the Nerds in there too, even though it's technically a college movie. Is that coming? No, my last category is perfect. Perfect, okay, I like this. And then Secret admirer, Can't Buy Me Love, and Just One of the Guys, where it's just like, these are movies that just belong to the eighties. Yes. And that's it. I don't think they make sense even three years later, three years earlier. They have like a spirit to them that I like. They don't take themselves too seriously. You know they're gonna end up with the people you wanna end up with in the end. And they're just gonna be ridiculous the entire time. And I think those were the three out of everything. Maybe Weird Science maybe gets thrown in there too, I don't know. That's in the horny category.
7:47 Speaker 01 When we get to like picking nits and unanswerable questions.
7:50 Bill Simmons? Sure.
7:51 Speaker 01 They're endless for this movie. The premise is unbelievable, but it doesn't matter. We're having a great time. It doesn't matter.
7:58 Bill Simmons? It doesn't matter. Well, Joyce Heiser. There's this whole dialogue that came out of this movie that I wasn't aware of, of how important it was to like trans people, to the gay community, that I, I just, in the eighties, it was like, I just, I loved the little brother, I think he's the funniest. He's basically Bill Murray.
8:19 Bill Simmons? But then, when they talk about it, like the director Lisa Gottlieb said, "You don't appreciate how much this film means to many generations of young people, male and female. For women, it was about bonding with their mothers or older sisters. For gay women and transgender women, it was about singer performance of female maleness that I had no idea existed." But then it turns out we're the savior of this, blah, blah, blah. I don't, did you see any of this stuff happen out of this movie?
8:42 Speaker 01 I've, I've like, in doing research for this, I've heard that that's the case, but I think more overwhelmingly, it's guys being like, I rented this from the video stores for those two seconds that I could watch.
8:53 Bill Simmons? That's kinda how I.
8:53 Speaker 02 I feel, I.
8:54 Bill Simmons? That was my takeaway too. Maybe it could be everything it was.
8:57 Speaker 02 I, I respect so much what you said. I wish that I had been part of that, but yeah, I was nine and at the end, just bam. I can't tell you when she, it's, I didn't even blink when Bruce Willis is a ghost compared to my feeling here. Not, kind of, so say, a zero. Terry ripping it off for Rick. I was like, what the hell just?
9:17 Speaker 01 I know, and for Rick?
9:18 Speaker 02 Honestly, it's even bigger than you think. And I thought about this before this pod. And I'm sorry I'm being so pervy to Joe, but I honestly think that it might've been the first naked breasts I ever saw in my life. Cause I was like eight years old. I don't think I had seen a Playboy at eight. And we didn't have the HBO in my mom's house before my parents got divorced. I can't, I wasn't like, when it happened, I wasn't like, yeah, I was like, whoa.
9:45 Speaker 02 It's like I saw an alien. And so it's like, that just set me off on a path. It was, it wasn't just like a gratuitously horny moment. It was like a, a real turning point for me as a kid. It was so, it was so shocking that that happened. I'd never seen that before.
9:58 Speaker 01 I mean, and that's just like, those movies exist for all of us. And I think that like, that's not an, uh, an unreasonable way to think about a movie. And I think that this movie in particular was so interesting, the fact that there's like a female director in this movie. I was thinking about this, that like Lisa Gottlieb directed this movie, Amy, Amy Heckerling directed Fast Times. So like the two freeze frame movies of the eighties were directed by women, which I think is really interesting. But I love that Terry, when she's in the locker room is like sneaking peeks at like all the dicks that are walking past her.
10:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, and she likes some women, she doesn't like others.
10:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, you get two towels.
10:32 Speaker 02 Yes.
10:32 Speaker 01 I'm looking at nothing, you know?
10:33 Speaker 02 Two towel guy. Yeah. Oh, wait, there's, it's, this is based on William Shakespeare. There's a level of sophistication that is more than just boobs.
10:40 Speaker 01 Really, Bill?
10:40 Speaker 02 There's something going on here.
10:41 Speaker 01 It's 12th Night.
10:43 Bill Simmons? Well, then there's some workplace stuff that makes sense in 85, and I'm not sure. You know, like basically, no, you can't win this contest. You're a woman. But in 1985, it was, it was actually like, oh yeah, that would happen. And now you watch and you're like. Oh, that first of all, the teacher would get fired.
11:00 Speaker 02 Well, that teacher.
11:00 Bill Simmons? The contest, somebody would protest like.
11:02 Speaker 01 I mean, that first teacher who's like, did you see her legs and her tits? You should keep her back. He's like, that should be her first expose at the sun.
11:11 Speaker 02 That guy was suggesting they fail her.
11:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, to keep her.
11:14 Speaker 02 And then even the nice teacher's like, you know, you really shouldn't be saying that here. Like, say that afterward. Want to get some coffee?
11:21 Speaker 01 Careful where you say that, sir.
11:23 Speaker 02 Oh, what a moment.
11:24 Bill Simmons? And she, I mean, one of the cool thing, first of all, I think Joyce Heiser is great in this movie.
11:28 Speaker 01 She's phenomenal in this movie.
11:29 Bill Simmons? It's one of those performances where you're like, I don't know why there weren't like five of these for her.
11:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, well.
11:34 Bill Simmons? What was missing? There's some interesting research on that.
11:37 Speaker 01 Some research on that, but I think this is one of the only like woman dresses as man movies or TV shows that is like, I actually think she's convincing.
11:46 Speaker 02 Hmm.
11:47 Speaker 01 As, as Terry, boy Terry.
11:48 Bill Simmons? They say they really want, because Karate Kid, they were filming, I don't know if it was out yet. And they really wanted her to look like Ralph Macchio.
11:55 Speaker 02 So cool.
11:56 Bill Simmons? She looks like Ralph Macchio.
11:57 Speaker 02 She does.
11:58 Speaker 01 Looks like Ralph Macchio in my notes before we got to the Karate Kid line that's in this movie. And before I saw that they like used him as the model for her.
12:07 Bill Simmons? I think she's genuinely good in this movie.
12:09 Speaker 01 I think she's great.
12:10 Bill Simmons? I don't really understand.
12:11 Speaker 01 You don't agree? Do you not agree?
12:13 Speaker 02 I have some thoughts on some other people who could have played the role.
12:15 Speaker 01 Do you?
12:16 Speaker 02 There's a part really early on where she's arguing with the teacher. It's a rough scene. There's a part where I think she forgets her line and she stumbles and they just kept it in. It's not great.
12:25 Speaker 01 I actually think, I agree that it only gets really good once she like starts doing the, I dress as a guy.
12:31 Bill Simmons? Hey, oh.
12:32 Speaker 02 We're talking about, again, this is Shakespeare. This is the character Viola. It's been played by Judi Dench and Hathaway, like Eddie Redmayne and Joyce Heiser. And she's, she's doing her damn best, okay? To put it this way, she has a lot to offer that maybe they don't, or maybe they do. But I think she's doing her best. She's doing her best. We'll put it that way.
12:50 Speaker 01 Kyle saying this is Viola is like. The highlight of my week. This is really good.
12:55 Speaker 02 I'm an English major.
12:56 Speaker 01 I'm an English major too.
12:57 Speaker 02 I don't get to throw it on the table much. I think she's all right.
12:59 Bill Simmons? All right, we're split on Joyce Heiser, but we're not split on Billy Jacoby.
13:03 Speaker 02 Come on.
13:03 Bill Simmons? He's one of the great comedic geniuses of the eighties.
13:05 Speaker 02 Let's go.
13:06 Speaker 01 You know what's so weird is I was like, okay, this guy's been in a million things. He's like a face of the eighties to me. And then I went and looked up and I was like, wait, no, he's in this and Parker Lewis Can't Lose, which I also watched. But it was just based off of me rewatching this movie that I thought of him as like, he was in a million of these movies, but he wasn't. He's so good in this.
13:24 Speaker 02 He's fantastic. I would say maybe 10 or 12 rewatchable episodes ago, probably two or three years in real time. We got on a sidetrack about this, Bill, and you were like, I think he is the funniest person of the eighties. And I was like, Crazy Bill being funny. I'm like, funnier than Eddie Murphy and Bill Murray? You're like, yes. And then I rewatched it now. I'm like, holy shit, he is so fucking good.
13:43 Speaker 01 He's so good.
13:44 Speaker 02 Every word, every scene, the charac- we are introduced to this character the first time you see him on screen. This kid is at breakfast, having pizza, a Coke, and a sideways Playboy, getting in some smut before he even goes to school. Like, nobody looked at Playboy at breakfast. He did. And I'm like, this guy's a legend.
14:03 Speaker 01 Can I tell you that, okay, first of all, the Playboy budget on this movie is incredible.
14:06 Speaker 02 They're everywhere.
14:07 Bill Simmons? Definitely a sponsor.
14:09 Speaker 01 But also, I noticed that Coca-Cola owned Columbia Pictures at this mo- at the time when they made this movie.
14:14 Speaker 02 Okay.
14:14 Speaker 01 So that's why all the beer cans just say beer on them.
14:17 Bill Simmons? Oh, interesting.
14:17 Speaker 01 But like, there's Coca-Cola cans everywhere.
14:19 Speaker 02 Thank God you're here, Joe.
14:20 Bill Simmons? Interesting.
14:20 Speaker 01 Well, you bring the Shakespeare and I'll bring the product placement.
14:22 Speaker 02 Well, thank you. I like it.
14:24 Bill Simmons? Me and my college roommate, Jacko, we used to watch this movie because it was on Comedy Central all the time. We'd always get mad that they edit.
14:31 Bill Simmons? We were always like, we just couldn't believe this guy wasn't a bigger star. And my son, who's wa- who loves this movie, and we watched it Tuesday night, and afterwards, he's like, Dad, why wasn't that guy in more movies? Like, he wasn't like-
14:44 Speaker 02 He said it unprompted.
14:44 Bill Simmons? He wasn't asking, he wasn't asking, ironically, he was like genuinely confused-
14:49 Speaker 01 I agree.
14:50 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
14:50 Bill Simmons? Why he wasn't in, because like, from the moment he comes in, he's throwing 105 miles an hour. Even like, when he doesn't have lines, like, there's one, like, her friend that's sitting on her bed,
15:01 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
15:01 Bill Simmons? and he sits next to her, and then he just like tries to make a pass and then she hits her hand, but he's just like in heat. Almost like he, it's almost like watching a dog at a park trying to hump legs.
15:12 Speaker 01 He was like 15, I think, when he made this movie. I mean.
15:15 Speaker 02 His first line, they're in the cafeteria, he comes in, he sits down and just goes, "You are so hot." Like, right in her ear. And then he keeps trying this move where he blows in her ear. He totally, like, read about it in, like, penthouse forums or something cra- he's every single second. And it's not like, I'll say this now, I struggled with the Dion Waiters because he's definitely not it. He gets 25 shots. He's in a lot of scenes and he's awesome in every one of them. I have my favorite scene of his, but I love them all.
15:45 Bill Simmons? He, uh, the director said, she was talking about casting, everybody was nuts about Joyce, nuts about Kay, big Clayton. And then I cast Billy. He walked in my office, read, and I said, "Forget about it. I have 14-year-old Bill Murray in my office. We're casting him."
16:00 Speaker 02 That's a quote?
16:01 Speaker 01 I really agree.
16:01 Bill Simmons? He kinda is 14-year-old Bill Murray.
16:03 Speaker 01 I, there, they, did you watch the, like, 30th anniversary Q and A panel that they did? They did, like, a screening? Yeah, he was there. And he's just like that on the panel, like, now, like, 30 years after this movie.
16:14 Bill Simmons? So maybe he just couldn't shut it off.
16:16 Speaker 01 Um, I'm saying, do you have a project for him?
16:20 Speaker 02 Oh, wow. Is he working? Is he out there? I don't know.
16:23 Bill Simmons? I'm gonna go through his, uh, career here.
16:25 Speaker 01 Okay.
16:26 Bill Simmons? He changed his name to Billy Jean.
16:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:29 Bill Simmons? Age 17, which I think was his real name. He's now William Jean. He did a lot of TV movie stuff. Recurring role, apparently, in Silver Spoon, season four and five. I don't, wasn't watching at that point. Parker Lewis Can't Lose was his other big one.
16:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:42 Bill Simmons? Stopped acting in 2010, appeared in MILF Manor, a reality show on TLC in 2023.
16:50 Speaker 02 23? That's just 20 minutes ago.
16:51 Speaker 01 That's tough.
16:52 Bill Simmons? That was the last time.
16:53 Speaker 01 MILF Manor being the last credit on your list.
16:55 Bill Simmons? It's a reality series. I gotta ask Craig, even though Craig, don't step on how you felt about this movie. Yep. Do you think Billy Jacoby was 15-year-old Bill Murray?
17:05 Speaker 03 Um, respectfully, I don't think he quite got to Bill Murray level. I would say, he's, he's trying, a hundred miles an hour is correct. He is, he's putting his whole energy into this role.
17:15 Bill Simmons? Oh, Craig's.
17:16 Speaker 01 Craig hated this movie.
17:17 Speaker 02 I don't like when Craig starts sentences with respectfully, then we're gonna have a long day.
17:22 Speaker 03 What, he can talk about Joyce and say she's alright and that's fine?
17:25 Speaker 02 I know. I'm trying to respect Joyce because I like her work, but.
17:28 Speaker 03 I bet.
17:28 Bill Simmons? Hey yo scumbag, hey suck your own, eat me, hey same to you buttface, mom says hi.
17:33 Speaker 01 Mom says hi.
17:34 Bill Simmons? You can't, he's just ripping them off.
17:36 Speaker 01 Linda, wait, I vacuumed for god's sake, Linda.
17:39 Speaker 02 Oh, that one's good. Would it make any difference if I was hung like a bear? It's fantastic.
17:43 Bill Simmons? He's ripping them off, kind, it's just, dude, it's a heater.
17:47 Speaker 02 The scene where he explains how to scratch your balls.
17:51 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
17:51 Speaker 02 Is so funny and so accurate, because he's like, he basically says like, sometimes there's like a level one scratch, and he's like, get in there, move it around, let, that's what we do. That is so accurate, sometimes you gotta get some air in there, and it's like, I, I just love how committed he is to that scene.
18:09 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
18:10 Speaker 02 And like, when you watch that scene, like, it's kind of meta, like, you want to do it. It's, it's, you're sitting there watching, like, he's so exactly spot on with it. I love that part.
18:19 Bill Simmons? Not to compare him to Chevy Chase and Fletch, but I'm gonna compare him to Chevy Chase and Fletch, where Chevy Chase, the whole movie is just like, I'm going for this, guys.
18:27 Speaker 02 Pull me back if you have to.
18:28 Bill Simmons? I'm never breaking, but I'm just gonna go for it every scene, and if I go too far, just kind of yank me back. And then we have young Billy Jacoby here, just going for it, and never, never even coming close in any capacity to this ever again, which I just don't understand.
18:42 Speaker 01 He talked about being on the set, he was 15, and his only chaperone on the set was his sister, who everyone said partied harder than he did, so like.
18:49 Bill Simmons? There might be some party, yeah, that's possible.
18:52 Speaker 02 I was gonna do for my flex, the Sasha, I was gonna, I was gonna do Billy Heiser, uh, Billy Jacoby for my flex, so.
18:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:58 Speaker 02 I'll just save it.
18:59 Speaker 01 Well, it was just like, what went wrong with this kid's career in the 80s? Isn't the answer usually?
19:03 Bill Simmons? It's, it, it's right in the, right in the vortex of, I did an incredible Joyce Heiser deep dive. I can't believe how much time I spent on it. Joe probably knows some of it, because Joe's a big researcher, but. She dated Bruce Springsteen for almost five years.
19:18 Speaker 02 Okay, go on.
19:18 Speaker 01 That's why there are Bruce Springsteen posters in the bedroom in the movie.
19:22 Bill Simmons? He saw her at a party in LA in 1978 on his tour and asked Gary Busey to introduce them. And she was immediately in and she traveled with him for the rest of the tour.
19:32 Speaker 01 A Busey meet cute?
19:33 Bill Simmons? A Busey setup.
19:34 Speaker 01 Wow.
19:35 Bill Simmons? And she dated him for five years.
19:37 Speaker 01 He visited the set of this movie.
19:39 Bill Simmons? And then, uh.
19:40 Speaker 01 He did.
19:41 Bill Simmons? Well, they did and they, Clayton Rohner said Bruce got a little jealous with the kissing scene. I'm not positive, he might have milked that story. She apparently dated David Geffen, wasn't able to confirm that one, but that was in there. She was close with Jack Nicholson, I'm queer if they dated. And then dated Warren Beatty and lived with him for a year and a half.
19:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:57 Bill Simmons? I went in, cause I have Star, the Warren Beatty autobiography. She's interviewed, like, she's in it a lot.
20:03 Speaker 02 What she got, I love you did the work and read that book.
20:05 Bill Simmons? Well, she was, he, she, he was really smitten by her.
20:08 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
20:09 Bill Simmons? Like, and, and really settled down and was like trying to make her like, and she knew like what a dog he was.
20:16 Speaker 01 Springsteen Nicholson Beatty. Come on.
20:20 Bill Simmons? It's unbelievable.
20:21 Speaker 02 And I, Busey's name was mentioned too, Jesus.
20:23 Bill Simmons? She, uh, she was Jimmy Smits' girlfriend on LA Law for two years, which was a big show. She said, Kyle, glad you're sitting down.
20:31 Speaker 02 Go on.
20:32 Bill Simmons? I tested for volunteers and lost to Rita Wilson. I turned down a role in Eddie and the Cruisers. But my biggest career disappointment was The Sopranos. I tested for Dr. Melfi, it was between me and Lorraine Bracco.
20:47 Speaker 02 No, holy shit.
20:48 Bill Simmons? That's in the research.
20:50 Speaker 02 She's sitting there with Tony, talking about his mother and everything, oh my God. I'd never, I never knew that.
20:56 Bill Simmons? Joyce Heiser as Lorraine Bracco. I mean, as Dr. Melfi in place of Lorraine Bracco.
21:03 Speaker 02 I actually really like it.
21:04 Speaker 01 I did a, this isn't as juicy as The Sopranos.
21:06 Speaker 02 That's incredible.
21:07 Speaker 01 But I did some detective work, cause she talked about a show that she turned down. But she wouldn't name the show and she was like, it was a big one, but I turned it down because they like disrespected her in her audition or something like that. Uh, but then she's like, but later Martha Coolidge, who directed her in Valley Girl, brought me in for a cameo. CSI, CSI, I think she was offered the Marge Elginberger role.
21:30 Speaker 02 What a career. That's, that's a lot of what ifs because Lorraine Bracco was apparently offered Carmella. And she said, I've already played the gangster's wife when I, when I was in Goodfellas. I don't want to be Carmella. I want this, the shrink. So then that led to Edie Falco getting it. God damn, that would work.
21:47 Speaker 01 But if Lorraine had been Carmella and Joy, then who's Nurse Jackie? What happens to Edie Falco's career?
21:54 Speaker 02 That's true.
21:55 Speaker 01 Domino's upon Domino's.
21:56 Bill Simmons? She stays on Oz. She just stays on Oz for like five years.
21:59 Speaker 02 Imagine if Dr. Melfi came into a session with Tony's parent and went, I just dressed as a guy. So all of a sudden like, so tell me about your mother, Tony. Hey, yo.
22:07 Bill Simmons? She, um.
22:09 Speaker 01 But you do think Joyce is really good. I can tell.
22:11 Bill Simmons? Yeah, she's coming around.
22:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, I like her.
22:13 Bill Simmons? I, uh, she was one of my 175 crushes in the eighties. And apparently was more of a smoke show in real life because Springsteen in 1978 and then Warren Beatty. She just must've been absolutely fetching in person, is my guess.
22:30 Speaker 01 What a charming word.
22:31 Bill Simmons? What a combo. Who else in the world could have dated those two?
22:34 Speaker 01 She was a trained dancer growing up, so.
22:36 Speaker 02 Really?
22:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:37 Speaker 02 Well, I mean, my, the, the odds are that Beatty saw this film. It was like, I don't know about the movie, but like, who is that? The way that they start this movie, think about the opening shot of the movie. She's incredible, incredible figure.
22:50 Speaker 01 I love that Kyle's premise here requires that Warren Beatty went to the theater to see just one of the guys.
22:54 Speaker 02 By himself.
22:55 Speaker 01 It made eleven million dollars total and one of those was Warren Beatty.
23:00 Bill Simmons? She was also the star of Dan Hartman's video for I Can Dream About You, which is a pretty big movie.
23:05 Speaker 02 Oh, is that the I Can Dream? That song goes. I like that.
23:08 Bill Simmons? Uh, we're not done with setting up the movie because we didn't talk about the Billy Zapka bully trilogy yet.
23:13 Speaker 02 Talk about it. Come on, Bill.
23:14 Bill Simmons? Karate Kid, this, right into Back to School, which he really lost his bully energy in Back to School. He kind of got, yeah, like Keith Gordon beats him up in Back to School and then he like.
23:24 Speaker 02 Screw you, Melon.
23:25 Bill Simmons? Yeah, he flubs the big dive, like, but he did have the bigger mullet. This one, he's, he's lifting up tables.
23:32 Speaker 01 He is, yeah.
23:33 Bill Simmons? Torturing nerds left and right and.
23:35 Speaker 02 Don't you think? If you were, if you were Mr. Zapka's representation back then, Karate Kid is a massive hit, you're, you're a big part of it.
23:42 Bill Simmons? You're zagging?
23:43 Speaker 02 Well, you, you take one role, it's Greg Toland, it's like the next year. That's the next movie he does is this movie after Karate Kid. And then when the, when the role comes in for, for Back to School, don't you want to say, no, no, no, no?
23:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:55 Speaker 02 Billy.
23:56 Bill Simmons? Let me be the Robert Downey part.
23:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'll be anything, or like, I'm saying, if, in this movie, his first movie after Karate Kid, he's fighting someone on the beach, just like he does in Karate Kid. It's like, I'm, I'm ready for Kevin to do the crane kick, like, it's ridiculous. It's, and it, he should drop the radio in Elizabeth Shue, it's so similar. And I, I wish I could reach in there and be like, Billy, pick something else, dude.
24:17 Speaker 01 He was, he was talking about how, um, playing a bully, he's like, you're just waiting for my characters to go inside a punch bowl. That's all you want, is for my character to meet the punch bowl at some point, in all of his movies, so.
24:29 Bill Simmons? Why did high school seem so perfect as a movie and TV location in the mid eighties? What was it about?
24:36 Speaker 02 Whatever was going on.
24:37 Speaker 01 It was so new, because we didn't do, they didn't do it in the seventies. And so then it was like, guess what, teens have sex. Teens like do drugs. And it's not like, in the forbidden Brooke Shields kind of way, it's just like normalized, right? You come home after school, you have a beer, a generic beer, I guess, with your pal. And so then I think, it was just so new and exciting. And then by the time you get to the nineties, can't hardly wait, it happens, it's great. But like, we're, it's a little bit more expected. But the eighties, it just felt like, with Porky's and Revenge of the Nerds, like, we're really pushing the envelope.
25:07 Speaker 02 Cause the music was so perfect for high school kids. Now, they don't play a lot of music in this movie, but all of the posters are represented. There's all the, you mentioned the Bruce Springsteen, and there's a U2 poster in Buddy's Room. Like, it was great, great high school music shit then, and John Hughes ran with it. This movie has it too.
25:22 Bill Simmons? He had one U2 poster and 700 pulled out.
25:27 Speaker 02 There's the Edge just staring next to Brandy's, you know, on the beach, incredible.
25:31 Bill Simmons? I didn't know one person who ever would have done that in the eighties with their room.
25:34 Speaker 02 Outlandish.
25:35 Bill Simmons? That was what was so funny about it though.
25:36 Speaker 01 Even if the parents are mysteriously out of town for two weeks.
25:39 Bill Simmons? It's insane behavior.
25:40 Speaker 02 He uses it as wallpaper. No one did that. You don't put those posters up on the wall. You put like a Spud Webb poster or something.
25:48 Speaker 01 Be respectful, don't say those posters. She reads Vonnegut.
25:51 Speaker 02 That's true.
25:52 Speaker 01 You know.
25:53 Speaker 02 Hates chemical waste, against that.
25:54 Speaker 01 Hates toxic waste.
25:55 Speaker 02 He is such a funny character.
25:57 Bill Simmons? In 2015 Entertainment Weekly did their 50 best high school movies ever. And this was ranked 48, which I was personally offended by.
26:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, too low, way too low. Where would you put it?
26:06 Bill Simmons? I'd much higher.
26:07 Speaker 02 Bill, there's a whole pot in that.
26:08 Bill Simmons? Is it in the top 20?
26:09 Speaker 01 Is it in the top 10?
26:11 Bill Simmons? For me, I mean, for me personally, it would be in the top, top 12 or 13. But there's been a lot of good ones in the last 20 years though, so it'd be tough. You'd really have to.
26:19 Speaker 01 Okay.
26:19 Bill Simmons? This could be a good segment for me.
26:21 Speaker 02 It's so, it's, it's so.
26:23 Bill Simmons? Does Superbad necessarily count as a high school movie? Cause we're not really in high school.
26:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're graduating. It's a graduation party.
26:29 Bill Simmons? How many actual high school scenes are in Superbad?
26:31 Speaker 03 A ton. There's like the cooking class from school.
26:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
26:33 Bill Simmons? Oh yeah, you're right.
26:34 Speaker 02 Science room and everything.
26:35 Speaker 01 It's, it's like kind of a One Crazy Night movie, but it's like, we're leaving high school.
26:39 Bill Simmons? Yeah, that's fair. Alright.
26:41 Speaker 01 If Can't Hardly Wait is a high school movie, then.
26:43 Bill Simmons? Superbad, what else from your generation?
26:46 Speaker 03 For high school movies?
26:46 Bill Simmons? Yeah. Easy A.
26:49 Speaker 03 Easy A is a good one. Um, She's the Man, which is the remake of this movie to a degree.
26:54 Bill Simmons? Craig was like, is this the OG She's the Man? I was immediately offended.
26:58 Speaker 03 I mean, that's, that is, that's correct.
27:00 Speaker 02 I've not seen She's the Man. I'll never see She's the Man. Do respect.
27:03 Speaker 03 You've never seen it?
27:03 Speaker 02 No.
27:04 Speaker 01 I have, I have seen it. It's, it's a much, well, as an English major, it's a much more direct 12 night adaptation.
27:10 Speaker 02 That's correct. Oh, starring Julia Stiles.
27:12 Speaker 01 They're using like, character names.
27:14 Speaker 03 More accurate.
27:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:15 Speaker 02 Anytime I would ever be spending free time watching She's the Man, I could be watching just one of the guys. So that's what I would do on Tubi.
27:21 Speaker 01 It's true. I mean, say what you will about Joyce, but she's, you know.
27:25 Bill Simmons? You know what's funny about She's the Man and Amanda Bynes, right?
27:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:28 Bill Simmons? So when I moved out here.
27:29 Speaker 01 Amanda Bynes looks demented in drag as a teenage boy. Like absolutely demented.
27:34 Bill Simmons? Not as realistic as Joyce.
27:36 Speaker 01 No, Joyce, I think looks possible.
27:38 Speaker 03 Girls.
27:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, Girl is legit.
27:41 Bill Simmons? When I moved out here and I was working for Kimmel and Kimmel had like a nine or 10 year old daughter and like a seven year old son and they were watching all those shows and I didn't have kids yet.
27:50 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
27:50 Bill Simmons? And he was talking about Amanda Bynes and he's like. She's so freaking talented, like her show's amazing. Like she's like, watch out for her, it's gonna be. But it kinda peaked where she's been, she had a bunch of personal problems.
28:03 Speaker 01 She has personal problems.
28:04 Bill Simmons? But She's the Man was like the one movie she made, right?
28:07 Speaker 01 No, there's the one where like her dad, like Colin Firth is her dad.
28:10 Bill Simmons? Oh, like a sad one?
28:11 Speaker 01 No, no, no, like.
28:12 Speaker 02 Isn't she the president's daughter?
28:14 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, my date with the president's daughter. And then, um, The Amanda Show was big. She had her own, like, variety show.
28:19 Speaker 01 And all that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:21 Bill Simmons? She really had a moment.
28:24 Speaker 03 What a girl wants.
28:25 Bill Simmons? I thought, I thought Lindsay Lohan was, I, this was one of my hottest takes probably the last 20 years. I genuinely think she should've like won Oscars. I thought she was like a great actress.
28:35 Speaker 01 For confessions of a drama.
28:37 Bill Simmons? I'm saying when she got, when she got older, I thought she had like all the talent to actually go on and do some stuff.
28:43 Speaker 02 I got to talk to Dennis Quaid once, and I asked him about Lindsay Lohan and The Parent Trap. And he like got really serious and he's like, I think the most talented person I've ever worked with. I was like, Lindsay Lohan, you work with everybody, he's like, incredible.
28:54 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
28:55 Speaker 02 It's like that talented.
28:56 Bill Simmons? And then even when she hosted SNL the first time.
28:59 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
29:00 Bill Simmons? And she like crushed it, she could do imitations, but I think she just went off the rails unfortunately.
29:04 Speaker 02 She's in a sketch, she's in a Harry Potter sketch where she comes back and her mind has blossomed over the summer. It is so fucking funny.
29:09 Speaker 01 But I mean, the story, the story is like all these people came into Hollywood too young without, you know.
29:14 Bill Simmons? No question.
29:15 Speaker 01 Without proper supervision.
29:16 Bill Simmons? I have some good Billy Jacoby stuff for later. Uh, this movie is directed by Lisa Gottlieb, co-written by Dennis Feldman and Jeff Franklin. Two artists.
29:24 Speaker 01 Jeff Franklin a full house fame. Jeff Franklin probably has more money than any of us.
29:29 Bill Simmons? You're right. Budget, unknown.
29:33 Speaker 01 They said 5 million, Lisa Gottlieb has said 5 million in interviews.
29:36 Speaker 02 This movie looks like they spent 600 grand. It's just, and I don't mean that as an insult, it's just so low-key.
29:40 Bill Simmons? Most of it was on the beach scene.
29:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:42 Bill Simmons? It made, uh, made 11.5 million dollars.
29:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:45 Bill Simmons? And then was on HBO for.
29:47 Speaker 01 And a huge rental, like the HSL.
29:49 Bill Simmons? Comedy Central rental, everything.
29:51 Speaker 02 You know what was a huge part of this for me, a huge part? Fantastic poster. Fantastic. I used to go to the video stores, Benny's Video in La Grange, Illinois.
30:01 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
30:01 Speaker 02 And you'd scan the shelves and you would get to one where there's Terry in the locker room.
30:05 Speaker 01 Yep.
30:06 Speaker 02 With a football helmet over each breast, like, looking very pleased about it. And I was, it was so sexy and so perfect and I was like, it was, everything I want in the world is right there. And I would rent that movie all the time.
30:17 Bill Simmons? Who, who out of anyone in these eighties, nineties movies, if you met in real life, would you be embarrassed to meet?
30:23 Speaker 01 What do you mean embarrassed? Like, flustered?
30:25 Bill Simmons? Yeah, flustered.
30:26 Speaker 01 Oh, okay. Um.
30:28 Bill Simmons? Cause Joyce is up there for me. I'd be flustered to meet Joyce.
30:32 Speaker 01 Andrew McCarthy.
30:33 Bill Simmons? Andrew McCarthy?
30:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:35 Speaker 02 I'd be, I mean, I still think it's Judd Nelson. I think he's the coolest character in any eighties high school movie in Bender.
30:40 Bill Simmons? But you'd be meeting Judd Nelson now.
30:44 Speaker 02 Yeah. I wouldn't be flustered, I don't think. I'd be excited to meet him. I, I think if I was meeting John Bender with the fingerless gloves and all that, I think I would be, but.
30:54 Speaker 01 We were a big mannequin household, so Andrew McCarthy.
30:56 Bill Simmons? Rembert and I, in two thousand fourteen, Rembert and I were in Boston. And we, we went to a conference that Thelma from Good Times was from.
31:05 Speaker 02 Oh, great.
31:05 Bill Simmons? We both loved it. I loved her as a kid.
31:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:08 Bill Simmons? And we got a picture with her and we were both like, we were on a high for like five hours after. We were so excited. She looked great. She still looked great.
31:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:17 Bill Simmons? This picture, yeah, it was awesome.
31:19 Speaker 02 You met Thelma from Good Times, wow.
31:20 Bill Simmons? Not, we told, and I was like, I loved you. I just absolutely, as a little kid, just full-fledged absolute love.
31:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:27 Bill Simmons? And I think she's been hearing it her whole life, but it was great.
31:29 Speaker 02 I met Del Carter from Give Me a Break, freaked me out. It was like, no, I didn't, I wish I would have, though, I loved that show.
31:33 Bill Simmons? Craig, who's your number one? If you met somebody, who would you be the most flustered by?
31:37 Speaker 03 Uh, like, right now or in their prime?
31:40 Bill Simmons? No, right now. You'd have to meet them now.
31:42 Speaker 03 We're talking females or males?
31:43 Bill Simmons? It could be anybody.
31:45 Speaker 03 Wow, there's, there's like the Leo.
31:46 Speaker 01 Are you asking him, you need to give him parameters.
31:48 Speaker 03 There's like the Leo DiCaprio, sure, I'd be intimidated if I was just chatting with Leo DiCaprio.
31:51 Bill Simmons? That's not a fun answer.
31:52 Speaker 03 Well, you want me to say like Margot Robbie?
31:53 Speaker 01 I think he means from like.
31:54 Bill Simmons? Oh, Margot Robbie?
31:55 Speaker 03 Sure.
31:55 Speaker 01 No, no, no, let's pick, let's pick like comedies that you watched when you were a teenage boy.
32:00 Bill Simmons? When you liked the.
32:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:01 Speaker 03 Um, when I was a kid, Blake Lively in the movie Accepted was a big deal for me. You ever seen that movie?
32:05 Speaker 01 Great, that's it, there you go.
32:07 Speaker 02 Yes, that's a great answer.
32:08 Speaker 03 Big one for like fourteen-year-old Craig.
32:09 Bill Simmons? Team Blake and the Baldoni Blake feud, right there.
32:12 Speaker 01 Okay.
32:13 Speaker 03 Well, I don't know about that. On record now. You don't comment on that.
32:17 Bill Simmons? We know. They call you to the stand.
32:19 Speaker 03 You're gonna be subpoenaed.
32:20 Speaker 01 Team Lively Reynolds.
32:21 Speaker 03 That's a good movie, Accepted. Have you seen Accepted? Not technically high school, technically college, but it's good.
32:26 Bill Simmons? I think I have.
32:27 Speaker 01 It's not good.
32:28 Bill Simmons? I think I've seen every movie.
32:29 Speaker 03 Justin Long, right? It's not good?
32:30 Speaker 01 It's not good.
32:31 Speaker 03 They make up their own college. Yeah, South Harmon Institute of Technology, the shitheads.
32:35 Bill Simmons? We're gonna take a break.
32:36 Speaker 03 Okay.
32:36 Bill Simmons? And when we come back, we're gonna go through the categories, including a couple of new ones that either of you have been involved with.
32:41 Speaker 03 Can't wait.
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33:27 Bill Simmons? This episode is brought to you by Viori. All right, let's talk about a category we appreciate, clothes that stay in the rotation. Viori earned that spot. Their core shorts are good for workouts, travel day, weekend, whatever. And the Strato Tech T, ridiculously soft. It's the kind of gear you keep reaching for because it's comfortable while still looking put together. Get 20% off your first purchase at viori.com/rewatchables and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. All right. First category is watch party.
34:03 Speaker 03 Yep.
34:03 Speaker 01 I love this.
34:04 Bill Simmons? Bunch of, uh, best setting for a watch or a re-watch. You saw the possibilities. What's your answer?
34:11 Speaker 01 You have one that's like Peanut Gallery Ladies Night.
34:13 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
34:14 Speaker 01 That's what I think.
34:15 Bill Simmons? Kyle.
34:16 Speaker 02 It's gotta be in a basement. It's, I think it's.
34:18 Bill Simmons? With like four buddies?
34:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think it's dudes in a basement. Like grown up sleepover. You know, like you have some root beer, it's video games and you watch just one of the guys.
34:26 Bill Simmons? I had Peanut Gallery pregame for this.
34:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, I was really impressed that you wa- that you like made this a family movie in your household. I think that.
34:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's kinda cool.
34:35 Speaker 01 I genuinely think that's great when you told us that you were watching it with, with your son and your wife.
34:38 Bill Simmons? He loves this movie.
34:39 Speaker 01 You know, I was like, what do they think? You're like, oh, we've been watching this for years. He loves it, so.
34:43 Bill Simmons? My kids really genuinely love these eighties movies. But I don't know if it's because I was just banging them over the head with them from day one, but we watched all of this.
34:50 Speaker 01 You gotta bring them up bright. You gotta bring them up bright, Bill.
34:52 Speaker 02 Anytime I do the pod, my wife always asks, what's the movie? She had not even heard of this movie. She's a little younger than me. But before I came over here, Bill, I had lunch with some old college friends. Dudes just like me. And they were watchables guys and they're like, oh, fuck, what movie were you doing? I was like, do you guys remember just one of the guys? Fuck, yeah. Oh, yeah. The scene at the end is incredible. Like they, they knew the movie and they liked it.
35:15 Speaker 01 They didn't say the one based on Shakespeare?
35:18 Bill Simmons? They didn't say the one based on Twelfth Night?
35:20 Speaker 02 Those are all finance guys. That, leave that to me.
35:23 Bill Simmons? This friend was like, it's so cool that she got that job at the newspaper.
35:26 Speaker 02 It's really cool. Journalism.
35:27 Speaker 01 She grew a lot as a person, you know?
35:29 Bill Simmons? Most rewatchable scene, I will give you Buddy's first scene. Which includes lines like, I've had lots of sex. It's just now I'd like to try with a partner.
35:39 Speaker 02 Awesome.
35:40 Bill Simmons? I'm 15 years old and two years I reached the peak of my sexual powers and horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime.
35:47 Speaker 01 Really good one.
35:47 Bill Simmons? Which I think is a high school yearbook wrote quote. Is it too late? Was it January right now?
35:52 Speaker 01 Is it a good life lesson?
35:53 Bill Simmons? Yeah, you can submit the yearbook stuff now, right? Horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime. Buddy, what was her last name?
36:00 Speaker 01 Griffith.
36:01 Bill Simmons? Buddy Griffith.
36:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:02 Bill Simmons? Just throw that in in the yearbook. Nobody will know.
36:04 Speaker 02 Wait, say it one more time?
36:05 Bill Simmons? Horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime.
36:09 Speaker 02 That was my philosophy on the Real World, I remember.
36:11 Speaker 01 Would you get, would you get that?
36:13 Speaker 02 My parents were thrilled.
36:16 Speaker 01 Would you get that as a tattoo, Bill?
36:18 Bill Simmons? But, uh, that's too many words.
36:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
36:22 Speaker 01 What about some act?
36:23 Bill Simmons? Did Embarrassment come back and kick Corny's ass eventually? With your real world set?
36:28 Speaker 02 Yeah. Don't underestimate Embarrassment. It's strong. In the late rounds, it starts wearing you down.
36:34 Speaker 01 Resilient, yeah.
36:37 Bill Simmons? Buddy teaches Terry to act like a guy.
36:40 Speaker 01 I think that's, I mean.
36:41 Speaker 02 Fantastic.
36:41 Speaker 01 That's the one.
36:42 Speaker 02 Move him around.
36:43 Bill Simmons? All balls itch, it's a fact. Another possible yearbook quote.
36:45 Speaker 01 That's the line of the movie.
36:47 Bill Simmons? Craig, I can't believe you didn't love this movie. You don't know that. Buddy, it's a small one, but Buddy singing Slow Hand. They're just like, hey Jacoby, we need like, we just need another minute.
36:57 Speaker 02 Just go.
36:58 Bill Simmons? We're a minute short, can you just cook? Buddy does algebra and drunk Terry comes home.
37:05 Bill Simmons? Buddy stops by Terry's school.
37:09 Bill Simmons? Thanks for the message, bud.
37:11 Speaker 01 The Kavina.
37:12 Bill Simmons? Kavina.
37:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:14 Bill Simmons? Your touch is the reason I went through puberty. This also has Rick standing up to Greg.
37:18 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
37:20 Bill Simmons? Bold choice.
37:21 Speaker 02 Hell yeah. Nonviolent too.
37:22 Speaker 01 I think there's a reason we haven't talked about Rick very much so far in our.
37:25 Bill Simmons? Where did he get to?
37:27 Speaker 02 I just showed her some of her cards, I feel like.
37:31 Bill Simmons? He's strong enough to lift tables and spill food. Greg Tolan.
37:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:35 Speaker 02 Were you a messy baby? Awesome.
37:39 Bill Simmons? I like that asshole called me an asshole too. Some of the writing of this is really good.
37:43 Speaker 02 Yep.
37:45 Bill Simmons? Terry asks her friend to the prom and then Sherilyn Fenn shows up. We didn't talk about her either.
37:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, we haven't talked, well, that is actually, I'm very surprised we haven't talked about Sherilyn Fenn.
37:55 Bill Simmons? That scene's Jacoby, somebody comes in to, to their house. And he puts the horns on Denise, what's your rush?
38:04 Speaker 02 Incredible.
38:04 Bill Simmons? We're young, we're wild.
38:08 Bill Simmons? The prom fight. Rick, Rick's had a jab game here. How'd you feel about that?
38:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:13 Speaker 01 What, where did that come from?
38:15 Bill Simmons? Gym training, like.
38:16 Speaker 01 Do you think it comes from his dance moves? You know how he likes to dance all by himself? Does that put him in condition to beat up the bully without any preamble to his ability to punch?
38:27 Speaker 02 It's incredible though. He like, he turns into like, Purnell Sweetpea Whitaker and he's just loading the compu box. And he's just loading it with a right on Zab, cause nose, and then he finishes them. It's a straight jab and it's really impressive.
38:38 Speaker 01 Let's say that Terry and Buddy like wore him down a little bit and then Rick was able to finish the job.
38:45 Bill Simmons? Oh, you think that's what it was?
38:46 Speaker 01 I don't know. I was trying to explain it.
38:48 Speaker 02 If they were doing fan service now,
38:49 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
38:50 Speaker 02 they would have Zapka sweep the leg. And we'd be like, fuck, yeah. Cobra Kai never dies.
38:55 Speaker 01 Here's my question. They filmed, they filmed this, this movie in Arizona.
38:59 Bill Simmons? Yeah. Yeah.
39:01 Speaker 01 We're having a beach prom?
39:03 Bill Simmons? I had a lot, that was in my unanswerables.
39:06 Speaker 01 A be, what beach?
39:07 Bill Simmons? So what, the unanswerable for me is what state are we in?
39:11 Speaker 01 Well, the license plate say Arizona.
39:13 Bill Simmons? We're in Arizona, but we have a beach.
39:14 Speaker 01 They filmed it in Phoenix and Scottsdale.
39:16 Bill Simmons? This is what they did in the eighties. You never knew where you were unless you're.
39:18 Speaker 02 It's cheap California. I think that's what they did. And they wanted it to be that Southern California thing, but they just shot it in Arizona for cheaper. Because they don't talk about being in Arizona.
39:25 Speaker 01 No.
39:26 Speaker 02 You just look it up and they shot it in Phoenix. But it's true, there, there's no like.
39:30 Bill Simmons? Because Camp I Me Love is clearly Arizona. There's cactuses, like they kind of own being in Arizona for that.
39:35 Speaker 01 I didn't bump it until the end when he drives up in the like Rabbit or whatever, and it's like an Arizona license plate. And I was like, what the hell? We're in Arizona this whole time with a beach prom?
39:46 Bill Simmons? You kind of never knew when you watch these movies in the eighties and nineties where anything was like.
39:50 Speaker 01 Well, that's not true because like the John Hughes movies have a clear sense of place. And then, no, then there's like a lot of California stuff.
39:57 Bill Simmons? But like E.T. when I was a kid.
39:58 Speaker 01 Sure.
39:59 Bill Simmons? And I'm on the East Coast. I don't know where that is. I just know we might be in in California. I don't know. I have no context of geography where we are.
40:06 Speaker 01 This should have been like a California movie, though. And I think if they had had the budget, it would have been.
40:10 Speaker 02 Well, like Fast Times.
40:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:11 Speaker 02 Right, yeah.
40:12 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
40:16 Bill Simmons? I was gonna do this later, but Greg kind of have a choke job in the fight. Even if you could say that the, the Griffith kids wore him down a little bit. Like, he's been training for this his whole life. Somebody's directly challenged him. He's already gotten a good shot on him.
40:29 Speaker 02 He has a 28 degree lead. He had a cold cock.
40:31 Bill Simmons? He's got the gloves on.
40:33 Speaker 01 Here are my notes. His lift routine is actually pretty weak, right? He's lifting tables.
40:38 Speaker 02 Sure.
40:39 Speaker 01 And occasional benches.
40:40 Bill Simmons? Right.
40:41 Speaker 01 Pressing literal benches, not actual weights.
40:43 Bill Simmons? So this is like the Mike Tyson in the, in the Buster Douglas fight, where it's like the bully just got punched once and didn't have a plan.
40:50 Speaker 01 I don't think he actually, you know.
40:52 Bill Simmons? So he just never had a fight?
40:54 Speaker 02 I think probably that's the old thing. It's just, hey, listen. Biff Tannen goes down with one punch from Chris McGlover. You know, sometimes they get those bullies go down easy. I do have to shout out, though, like, one of my top five favorite things about this movie is that Greg Tolan has bullying gloves that he puts on exclusively to bully.
41:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:11 Speaker 02 And it was like, when it's bullying time, like, hold on a second, let me get my gloves on.
41:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:14 Speaker 02 He lays down.
41:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:16 Speaker 02 He's like, they're driving gloves, fingerless bullying gloves. And it's such a fun, creative flourish that I've never seen before or since.
41:23 Speaker 01 I also love.
41:23 Speaker 02 It's so easy.
41:24 Speaker 01 I love how wearily all the nerds or whatever, like, just lift up their lunch trays. They're like, it's time. It's about that time.
41:31 Bill Simmons? When they fight in movies.
41:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:33 Bill Simmons? They don't fight like they do on my Instagram algorithm when I get served fights outside by drunk people.
41:39 Speaker 01 Tell me about.
41:39 Bill Simmons? That's usually like, either they're swinging wildly, or they, one of them attacks the other. Nobody's like doing the.
41:44 Speaker 02 No.
41:45 Bill Simmons? Doing the.
41:46 Speaker 01 Bill, can you tell me a bit more about the drunk fights that you watch on your Instagram?
41:50 Bill Simmons? Listen, once you watch two of them, they're just gonna keep serving them to you.
41:53 Speaker 02 You can watch half of one in a parking lot for the rest of your life.
41:56 Bill Simmons? That's it.
41:56 Speaker 02 World Star!
41:58 Speaker 01 Is it like, people who have had a night out and tied one on, or like, are you watching like bum fights?
42:04 Bill Simmons? There is some sort of mano a mano drunk people, but the best thing about those clips is you can start it and immediately be like, guy on the left. You just, you come in like you're like Max Keller.
42:17 Speaker 01 Do you think there's a.
42:18 Bill Simmons? Guy on the left, he looks like he's gonna win. And then sometimes there's an upset, you're like, whoa, guy on the right.
42:22 Speaker 02 Sometimes guy on the left gets folded. And what is it, if I click on, if I click for point five seconds.
42:27 Bill Simmons? I'm gonna get you hooked on these.
42:27 Speaker 02 Even on, even on like on Twitter, you go to the for you. And I was like, what is it about me? You think I want to see some guy get his face beaten in in an alley? Show me a football video. It's always there.
42:37 Bill Simmons? That's my algorithm too. It's football videos, eighties movies, sucker punches, people fighting in a parking lot.
42:42 Speaker 01 I think we crafted, Craig, it's football guy, do you get served drunk fights?
42:45 Bill Simmons? Like, I guess this is who I am.
42:46 Speaker 03 I honestly do. I do get some fights in my algorithm.
42:49 Speaker 01 So it's a football guy.
42:50 Bill Simmons? Do you immediately do blink test of guy on the left, guy on the right?
42:53 Speaker 03 Sometimes I have to do like the quick scroll away just to tell the algorithm, like, I don't need more of these, like.
42:57 Speaker 02 Cause if you know, you gotta send a message to the algorithm. You gotta tell who's boss.
43:00 Speaker 03 Exactly.
43:01 Speaker 01 You have to be firm.
43:01 Speaker 02 If you make eye contact with the algorithm, it's like, I got you.
43:03 Speaker 03 I wish I could turn down the algorithm's strength.
43:05 Speaker 02 So do I.
43:05 Speaker 01 Topped market of sports betting on drunk fights.
43:09 Bill Simmons? Blink test bum fights?
43:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:10 Bill Simmons? Or, yeah.
43:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:11 Bill Simmons? I think they're, well, the worst algorithm thing that happened to me was I watched this tsunami video once and then it just started serving me tsunami stuff and I was like, how do I tap out this? Tap out, done. I was like researching how to clean my cachet. I was like, I never want to see this again.
43:27 Speaker 02 They don't ask you, are you enjoying the tsunami videos? No, no, no. And then, God forbid, you not only click on it, if you share it with someone, that's a tattoo.
43:36 Speaker 01 It's over.
43:36 Speaker 02 You're fucked. You're sharing this guy getting his head kicked in in a Circle K?
43:40 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
43:40 Speaker 02 I got you for life. You can't get rid of it.
43:43 Bill Simmons? Uh, next rewatchable scene.
43:47 Bill Simmons? The famous scene, which includes him just butchering Cyndi Lauper's pronunciation and calling it Lauper.
43:54 Speaker 01 Cyndi Lauper?
43:55 Bill Simmons? Yeah, right. And I'm Cyndi Lauper.
43:57 Speaker 02 How's that?
43:57 Bill Simmons? How did they not do a second take?
43:59 Speaker 02 I don't know. You know what? Great call. Why did they not stop?
44:02 Speaker 01 On the, on the, on the panel, they asked him about that and he's like, yeah, people's like, still yell that at me. I'm like, so embarrassed by it.
44:09 Speaker 02 Oh, my God.
44:09 Speaker 01 And I think it was Billy, Billy Jacoby was like, had you heard of the recording artist Cyndi Lauper before we made this film? It's the director's fault. I agree.
44:18 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
44:19 Speaker 01 I agree.
44:19 Speaker 02 But there's 30 people on set. What is it? The Marion Cobrety Cutting Pizza with Sisters Award. Why didn't someone stop this?
44:25 Speaker 01 Cyndi Lauper is really-
44:26 Speaker 02 Cyndi Lauper was how, it'd be like saying Madonna instead of Madonna. It's, it's Lauper, not Lauper.
44:32 Speaker 01 And I'm Madonna.
44:33 Speaker 02 And he's supposed to be this, this thoughtful character who loves music and has all these records. Cyndi Lauper.
44:37 Speaker 01 Rick.
44:38 Speaker 02 Terrible.
44:39 Bill Simmons? The big reveal.
44:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:41 Bill Simmons? Where do you get off having tits? Do you think that was written or ad libbed by Clayton Rohner?
44:46 Speaker 01 I think, they said there wasn't much ad libbing on this movie.
44:49 Bill Simmons? In the script.
44:49 Speaker 02 accusatory sentence, too. He was pissed.
44:51 Speaker 01 He was.
44:52 Bill Simmons? Big kiss and then, it's all right, he has tits and walks away. And then Terry goes home and walks in on Buddy and starts telling him about the night. Buddy's sitting to the covers. That's really interesting, really.
45:05 Speaker 01 Turn off the light.
45:07 Bill Simmons? Just, I mean, this was on all the time and it was always a suck in every time.
45:12 Speaker 02 Which was really fun.
45:13 Bill Simmons? I never really understood why Rick was so upset.
45:16 Speaker 01 Because he thought they, well, I'm not one to defend Rick, but like, he thought that they were friends. They were pals. It was like a, it was a, a reaction. He had a reaction. You're allowed to have a reaction.
45:26 Speaker 02 My unanswerable about that is.
45:29 Bill Simmons? I like the defense of Rick though is.
45:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, he, if, if you were hanging out with a dude, dude to dude for a couple of weeks, you're killing brews, you're chasing girls, he's becoming your best friend in this new school.
45:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:39 Speaker 03 Hanging out in bathrooms together.
45:43 Speaker 02 Urinal talk. And then you find out that it's a woman and it's kissing you. Could you recover like Rick does to then go and ostensibly date her? Or is it like, I spent two weeks with you as a platonic male friend. I, I can't go then.
45:56 Speaker 01 I will say, this is where.
45:57 Speaker 03 There's a scale.
45:58 Speaker 01 This is where we let down.
45:59 Speaker 02 Pretty high on the scale too.
46:00 Speaker 01 This is where we're letting down the Shakespeare adaptation though, right? Because in Twelfth Night, Orsino is hot for her when she's in drag. So like, there should have been some like, like confused attraction to her.
46:12 Bill Simmons? So one of the most politically incorrect sports movie ever, right behind Joanna F. Fast Break.
46:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:17 Bill Simmons? Um, Swish is pretending to be a guy on the Cadwell State Basketball Team. And DC Dacey is falling for Swish, thinking it's a guy and then leaves the team because he's convinced he's becoming gay.
46:29 Speaker 01 Right.
46:30 Bill Simmons? Then he finds out Swish is a woman. They don't even go near that in Just One of the Guys and have like, Rick's like attracted to her.
46:36 Speaker 01 What does Channing Tatum do? And she's the man. He's attracted to her, right?
46:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, there is like a weird energy between them that he doesn't quite understand.
46:42 Speaker 02 It's cool though, Rick, like when Rick finds out before the reveal, he's like, it's cool. You're gay.
46:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's a little no homo from him where he's like, uh, but then he's like, he's like, he's like, oh, you're, yeah, you're gay. I get it.
46:54 Speaker 02 That's big right now because of the reveal in Netflix. And I've seen people assailing it for saying that's not realistic back in the eighties. And I'm like, watch what Rick did. Like, he was really cool about that. And I like that. I like that moment.
47:04 Speaker 01 I, I will say, Rick, when he comes in the end and he's like, let me do the one, do the asking out. Okay, okay, fine. Well, I gotta drive. I'm like, it's her car.
47:14 Speaker 02 Rick, you lost us. You totally lost us, Rick.
47:16 Speaker 01 As long as I'm driving. Okay, Rick.
47:19 Bill Simmons? Also, Rick, you dressed like you were going bowling. You had, there were no girls to be seen. You went out with the prom queen and Terry, who's a smoke show. Like, settle down.
47:27 Speaker 02 I know.
47:28 Bill Simmons? Let Terry drive. Uh, the ending, which includes that, uh, also Buddy ends up on a motorcycle with a 40-year-old woman?
47:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:35 Bill Simmons? And that's how the movie ends?
47:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:38 Bill Simmons? My son, when we watched it on Tuesday, is like, "Dad, why did they do that?" Like, he just didn't understand. I was, "I don't know, it's the 80s."
47:45 Speaker 03 Liz and I went back and watched that twice, thinking, "Did we miss something? Is this character supposed to be somebody?"
47:50 Bill Simmons? She's literally a 40-year-old woman.
47:51 Speaker 03 Is this a fantasy of his that we didn't hear about?
47:52 Speaker 01 Don't you feel like her friend Denise hooked up with a 40-year-old, like, prom band singer?
47:58 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, dude, that's...
47:59 Speaker 01 Right?
47:59 Bill Simmons? Right, we had that too.
48:00 Speaker 01 And then also Rick's, like, de-flowering story is his mom's friend fucked him when his dad died.
48:07 Speaker 02 My mom's friend made me feel good. What? Holy shit, should I call the cops?
48:10 Speaker 01 You were a child?
48:11 Speaker 03 Wait, I want to get into that, because that's my flex. It's a Book About Metals Award for the Belatedly Best Quote or Exchange.
48:16 Speaker 02 Okay.
48:17 Speaker 03 They're talking about if they've ever lost their virginity. Terry goes, "Have you ever had sex?" He's like, "Yeah, one time." In her weird New York accent. She's like, "Tell me about it." And he's like, "Just after my dad died, this friend of my mom's, I think she wanted me to cheer me up." And she did. And then Terry goes, "Is that your room over there?" And they just never talk about that again.
48:35 Speaker 02 Awesome.
48:36 Speaker 03 That's like a whole movie, that quote. It's like, "Holy shit, what happened there?"
48:39 Speaker 01 It explains a lot about Rick, honestly.
48:41 Bill Simmons? This movie's the best.
48:41 Speaker 02 They're real fast to lose with all that.
48:43 Bill Simmons? You're talking yourself into it.
48:44 Speaker 01 You love this movie.
48:45 Speaker 02 Attaboy.
48:46 Bill Simmons? You're laughing again.
48:47 Speaker 02 I don't know why Buddy gets on the back of a motorcycle with a soccer mom at the end of the movie, with no helmet, no words exchanged, just nothing.
48:54 Speaker 01 A motorcycle babe who has been around is gonna show him something.
48:57 Bill Simmons? Yeah, she's like...
48:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:59 Speaker 02 That's what, back in the day, just the dream woman would appear out of nowhere for no reason. You know, dream woman.
49:03 Speaker 01 I didn't blink twice. This is a very 80s ending to a movie. Yeah.
49:07 Speaker 03 Well, was he the one who went on to do MILF Manor?
49:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, correct. You're like, origin story from MILF Manor. Great call.
49:15 Bill Simmons? Well, we know what most rewatchable was for Kyle and I. What do you have?
49:19 Speaker 01 I think it's him teaching her how to be a dude. The tube socks down the jeans, like, that whole sequence.
49:24 Bill Simmons? Okay. What's the most 1985 thing about this movie?
49:29 Speaker 01 I have a good one for this.
49:30 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
49:31 Speaker 01 It's the inseam on Kevin's shorts when her college boyfriend Kevin comes over at the beginning of the movie.
49:37 Speaker 02 What a pull.
49:38 Speaker 01 He's like mag- rocking Magnum P I. Short shorts. It's wild.
49:44 Bill Simmons? See, I gotta look for that. I somehow miss that.
49:46 Speaker 02 You, you just throw a dart at this movie and find anything. I have a really little one. One of the times that Billy's reading the magazine, the back of the magazine.
49:53 Speaker 01 Just saying, reading a magazine.
49:54 Bill Simmons? Oh, yes. The Carlton cigarette.
49:57 Speaker 02 Less tar. They're bragging that they have less tar than the other brands. Like, we have tar in our cigarettes for sure, but less than those guys. That was a huge deal back in the day. That's very eighty-five.
50:06 Bill Simmons? I had Terry's word processor.
50:08 Speaker 01 Sure.
50:09 Bill Simmons? I had, uh, the whole concept of a high school student aspiring to be a newspaper writer.
50:14 Speaker 01 Sure. Journalism is aspirational.
50:17 Bill Simmons? Buddy's sleeveless jeans jacket. I don't think you could walk outside in that now.
50:21 Speaker 01 For the back half of the movie, he's just in a parade of sleeveless button down things.
50:25 Bill Simmons? Yeah. This was a look.
50:27 Speaker 02 It's like, he looks like he's in Double Dragon. I don't know what his, it's either flannel sleeveless, denim sleeveless, lumberjack type. I don't know what that was.
50:35 Speaker 01 But it's like, it's like a thing that he found at the end of the movie. He's like, this is my look.
50:39 Speaker 02 This is gonna be my look.
50:40 Speaker 01 Uh, it's very Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. Like, you know the brother in that movie who does like, the dishes are done. And then Buddy in this movie is just sort of like, the dishes are done.
50:49 Speaker 02 You're right.
50:50 Bill Simmons? The great C. Tom Howell stole the look for Secret admirers. Same kind of thing. Like, it was like this sleeveless jacket with the shirt underneath.
50:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:58 Bill Simmons? Hasn't been seen since. Even late eighties, nobody was doing this.
51:01 Speaker 01 C. Tom Howell. I've never, I've never heard anyone call him C. Tom.
51:04 Speaker 02 C. Tom Howell might have to come up later in the.
51:06 Bill Simmons? C. Tom.
51:07 Speaker 01 He's a hundred percent coming up later.
51:08 Speaker 02 I think I know where you're going. All right, all right.
51:10 Bill Simmons? I have a couple more. High school kids dressing up like Trekkies. We don't do that anymore.
51:15 Speaker 02 Yep.
51:16 Bill Simmons? Calling a beer a brewski?
51:18 Speaker 02 Twice.
51:19 Bill Simmons? I don't remember what year that ended, but it was right around here.
51:22 Speaker 01 I also just don't know that teenagers did it ever, right?
51:26 Bill Simmons? No, the prom band is very, this is like a great era for prom bands because we have Weird Science, We Back to School, whatever the band that Rodney Dangerfield hires.
51:37 Speaker 02 Oingo boingo.
51:38 Bill Simmons? But Scott in that movie Hard, by the way, I forgot to tell you.
51:40 Speaker 02 I'm all over it.
51:41 Bill Simmons? The band in here, they all had like, they were all too old to be playing at the high school. They all had the high hair, they all had the weird guitars that had like little daggers on them and stuff.
51:53 Speaker 02 And they're not, they're playing originals too, I like. No Duran Duran. It's one of our tunes.
51:58 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
51:59 Speaker 01 These guys, the two guys on stage, or two of the guys on stage, were like longtime drummers for Rod Stewart. That's a fun fact I learned about this.
52:07 Speaker 02 C J, thank God you're here.
52:09 Speaker 01 Really good stuff, right?
52:10 Speaker 02 I like that.
52:11 Bill Simmons? Well, my winner for what's most 1985 thing about this movie is every single Deborah Forman outfit. She's the one, the prom queen who Rick falls for.
52:20 Speaker 02 Yes.
52:20 Bill Simmons? There's one outfit she has that, I don't even, there might have been like a four week window where people were wearing that yellow outfit she has, where she's dressed basically like Madonna.
52:30 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
52:32 Bill Simmons? And then at that outfit, like you couldn't wear that ever. Like, I don't even know if you could wear that ironically at an 80s party. No one would believe it.
52:38 Speaker 01 Do you mean Madonna?
52:39 Bill Simmons? Madonna.
52:42 Bill Simmons? What's aged the best? The opening of this movie is exactly like any porn you would have watched from the 80s. If you actually watch it, it's like, she wakes up and it's like, just one of the guys, and with like terrible music and it's like.
52:55 Speaker 02 Girls got something.
52:57 Speaker 01 Boys ain't got, you know?
52:58 Bill Simmons? What rating is this?
53:00 Speaker 01 And it's boobs.
53:00 Bill Simmons? Yeah, yeah.
53:01 Speaker 01 Just in case.
53:02 Speaker 02 And you think there's gonna be a doorbell and the guy's like, I'm here to fix the cable. And he comes on, oh wow, here we go. Boys don't got.
53:09 Bill Simmons? What do you got? I have a bunch.
53:10 Speaker 02 I have a bunch too. Joe and I were talking about this before the show. Having an older sibling whose friends come over is just one of the all time adolescent things, whether it's your older sister's friends, or you go to a friend's house and he has an older sister and you're 14 and there's three 16 year old girls watching TV. Like, it's Sodom and Gomorrah. Like, you can't imagine how sexy and how hot that is when you're a teenager. And this is what Billy goes through for the whole movie, Billy Jacoby. I love that.
53:38 Bill Simmons? Yeah, you're in love with, and I'm an only child, but I had the friends who had the older ones. You're just in love with every friend they have.
53:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:45 Bill Simmons? Doesn't matter.
53:46 Speaker 02 We used to go to my friend's Mark's house. Mark's older sister Lisa was like three years older. And we found out that she loved Drakkar Noir. She just loved how it smelled. So before we go to Mark's house, we put on 50 stores of Drakkar Noir.
53:56 Speaker 01 No.
53:57 Speaker 02 All over. Hey Lisa, what's up?
53:58 Speaker 01 No.
53:59 Speaker 02 And she's like, are you wearing Drakkar? And it was amazing.
54:01 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
54:02 Speaker 02 Shout out Lisa.
54:03 Bill Simmons? Maybe people are better now than we were back then.
54:06 Speaker 01 Drakkar Noir business.
54:07 Bill Simmons? What else do you have?
54:08 Speaker 02 As someone from the Midwest, I fucking love outdoor high schools. Outdoor lockers, outdoor everything. That was unthinkable for where I went to school.
54:19 Bill Simmons? That's a great point.
54:19 Speaker 02 They're just hanging at the lockers. There's sunshine behind them. There's cactus. Same thing in Can't Buy Me Love, outdoor. And then also the outdoor prom. Like, my prom was at the O'Hare Airport Hilton. Like, just absolute garbage. And they're on the beach with these lanterns and this food and this band. The outdoorness of it is really cool.
54:37 Speaker 01 I just don't think people had beach proms outside of movies.
54:41 Bill Simmons? Definitely some liability issues.
54:43 Speaker 01 I grew up in California, Bay Area, California. We didn't, you grew up in California, Craig. We didn't have beach proms. That's not a thing.
54:49 Speaker 02 Well, he's throwing Terry into the ocean and no one comes to stop him. There's no faculties or anything like that. He's got Terry, like, he's got like a Stone Cold Stunner is coming. And it's like, just go ahead.
54:58 Speaker 01 As you said, there's no adults in this movie, except for like...
55:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, they don't exist.
55:01 Bill Simmons? It's the two teachers and they're the horniest people in the movie.
55:04 Speaker 01 Well, there's the bullying PE guy who also was like, surprise jock, regular surprise jock inspections.
55:12 Bill Simmons? What do you have for what's age the best?
55:13 Speaker 01 Uh, so this is, would you call this a sex comedy?
55:16 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. Every, almost every scene is about someone wanting to get laid.
55:19 Speaker 01 It's, it's horny. It's very horny.
55:20 Bill Simmons? It's a horny comedy, but I don't, I don't feel like it's in the Porky's thing where they're gratuitously.
55:25 Speaker 01 Porky, there's like a bunch of sex comedies from the eighties that I think have aged really, that have aged really poorly. Like Revenge of the Nerds, you're like, uh, you know, like blah, blah. I don't really want to watch this anymore. I think with like Fast Times, Valley Girl, directed by Martha, like these, these women directed sex comedies of the eighties. I think it's like a really interesting, I don't know. I like.
55:46 Bill Simmons? Like a little more soulful.
55:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:47 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I agree with you.
55:48 Speaker 01 Uh, like there's nothing in this movie that makes me cringe in the way that some of those other eighties sex comedies.
55:54 Bill Simmons? And John Hughes, I think, was able to pull that off with all his stuff, even like word science.
55:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
55:58 Bill Simmons? We talked about when we did that pod, that could have gone sideways.
56:01 Speaker 02 Kelly LeBrack has nothing but great things to say about John Hughes, about on that set and everything. Like to your point, the fast time scene where Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Jason-Leigh, and they're giving instructions on how to give a blowjob.
56:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:10 Speaker 02 The fact that you know there was a woman directing that and it like, I don't know, it's, it's safe or something like it, it feels more.
56:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:16 Speaker 02 Likeable.
56:17 Bill Simmons? Uh, more what's age the best for me? Just parents being gone for the entire movie. This was half of the plots in the eighties.
56:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:26 Bill Simmons? They, when did they give up on this, Craig? Cause parents wouldn't leave their kids alone like this now. We have too much information.
56:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:31 Bill Simmons? I would never be like, hey, Ben, we'll see you in two weeks. Guard the house. Like I, there's no way.
56:36 Speaker 01 But like in.
56:37 Bill Simmons? And we have cameras now too.
56:38 Speaker 02 And you FaceTime them and you call them. Like there's none of that.
56:41 Bill Simmons? Why is he at Bevmo?
56:43 Speaker 03 I mean, I don't know.
56:44 Speaker 02 That's true.
56:44 Speaker 03 Even like when I was in middle school, high school, you could still kind of get away with that. There was no like FaceTime. It was kind of like, my parents are gone for the weekend. They can call me on my cell phone, but that's about it.
56:53 Speaker 01 My parents are gone for the weekend is one thing. My parents, the parents are gone for two weeks.
56:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, two weeks.
56:58 Speaker 01 During the school year.
56:59 Bill Simmons? I did have a couple of friends where the parents did disappear for that long.
57:02 Speaker 02 Really?
57:03 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
57:03 Speaker 01 Well, I think there's also an interesting like.
57:05 Bill Simmons? But it was like, that's where we just went. It was like, hey, Scott's parents are gone again.
57:09 Speaker 02 They, it kind of breaks the high school movie rule that, that Buddy and Terry didn't throw a massive rager.
57:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's true. Okay, girl.
57:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, they should have.
57:17 Speaker 01 Well, she was busy pursuing her journalism interests.
57:20 Bill Simmons? True.
57:21 Speaker 01 If Kevin was in charge. Yeah, Kevin was like pool party every day when your parents are gone.
57:26 Speaker 02 That's true.
57:26 Speaker 01 Um, the. There's an interesting like class thing going on in this movie, right? Like Terry's, she's super rich and like she goes to high school with other super rich kids. And then like Rick, like she goes to this high school and it's like, yeah, the other high school.
57:41 Bill Simmons? Yeah, she's at like the fussy one.
57:42 Speaker 01 I got plastic, let's just go get you a new wardrobe, Rick. Like, don't worry about it. And it's just like, she's just very-
57:47 Bill Simmons? You get another reason why Rick probably should have forgiven her a little bit faster.
57:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:52 Bill Simmons? Like, the girl's buying you clothes, she's in love with you. You've never had a girlfriend. He's like, I don't know.
57:58 Speaker 01 Your haircut might put you on a list. We need to fix it.
58:01 Speaker 02 Rick liked what he saw.
58:02 Speaker 01 He's like, have you, she's like, have you heard of a popped collar? Would you like to pop all of your collars for the rest of your life?
58:08 Bill Simmons? More what's age the best. The douchey, rich, college boyfriend with a convertible who seems like he's 15 years older than our girl in high school is an 80s staple. They have this in Secret admirers as well. I don't know why this was a recurring character. And they all kind of had the same look.
58:24 Speaker 02 Can't buy me love, classic Bobby.
58:26 Bill Simmons? Bobby, coming back.
58:27 Speaker 02 With the, that makes you a prostitute. Like, they're always a dick, they always have blow-dried hair, and they're always 33 years old.
58:34 Bill Simmons? They always act like going to college gave them some sort of higher state of being.
58:38 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
58:38 Speaker 02 But imagine what a fucking loser you are if you're in college and like an athlete or in a frat and your girlfriend's in high school. Like, why don't you have a college girl or someone out of college?
58:45 Speaker 01 It's like status for her, right? She thinks, well, this is like, this is like, okay. Is this movie about a woman opening her shirt and showing you her tits? Yes. Is this movie also about like a privileged, like, rich girl who has a shitty boyfriend and doesn't realize it?
59:01 Speaker 02 Cook, Joe. Cook.
59:02 Speaker 01 Who like goes to another school.
59:03 Speaker 02 Go.
59:04 Speaker 01 Befriends the nerds, like meets a cooler guy, becomes a better writer because actually her article did suck. And like, learned something about herself before the year.
59:15 Speaker 02 Yes. Where'd she get off having tits, though, Joe? You know?
59:17 Speaker 01 It's a great question.
59:18 Bill Simmons? Learns how to throw a jab when you're fighting on the beach.
59:21 Speaker 02 Just work to jab.
59:22 Bill Simmons? Works. It's a long game. A couple more. Calling your dick spike, just great for an 80s comedy.
59:28 Speaker 02 Calling your dick anything?
59:29 Speaker 01 Anything.
59:29 Speaker 02 Spike, even better.
59:30 Bill Simmons? I'm laughing every time.
59:31 Speaker 02 Yep.
59:32 Bill Simmons? I'd rather wallow in my virginity, just a great line. Bullies who use insults like tulip and chum stains?
59:39 Speaker 01 Well, that's another reason why this-
59:40 Bill Simmons? What is tulip? Where did he even come up with that?
59:42 Speaker 01 We're not dropping F slurs this entire movie. That's another reason why this movie's better rewatchable.
59:47 Speaker 02 Swearing everywhere.
59:48 Speaker 01 No, not just like the F bomb, like the F slur, like, you know?
59:51 Speaker 02 Oh, I see, I see. Okay, slurs, right.
59:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:54 Bill Simmons? Uh, the soundtrack, I just wanna shout out. The girl's got purpose. Girl's got something.
1:00:00 Speaker 02 Boys don't got. That guy's, that guy's like, you need a song? He's like, yeah, we have 15 minutes to make the song, just go. And he's like, I got it, no problem. Kick it back, what a jam.
1:00:07 Speaker 01 And the other one, they're like, you have two minutes. What's the title of the movie? Just one of the guys?
1:00:11 Speaker 02 One of the guys.
1:00:13 Speaker 01 Great, got it, I got it.
1:00:15 Bill Simmons? It's a great era. All right, last thing I have is how much research there is on the topless scene, which I found hysterical. I couldn't believe like how much information there was.
1:00:23 Speaker 02 What do you got?
1:00:23 Bill Simmons? Heiser not sold on doing a topless scene.
1:00:25 Speaker 01 Right.
1:00:26 Bill Simmons? No nudity in her contract. Gottlieb persuaded her to reconsider. And she said, quote, honestly, I think you've gotta show him.
1:00:36 Speaker 02 She pulled her aside.
1:00:37 Bill Simmons? I think, this is not something you couldn't do. The five-part Martin Scorsese documentary about Lisa Gottlieb, I'm guessing, but this would have been a key part in it.
1:00:45 Speaker 01 She talked about this for so, at the Q and A, the 30th anniversary Q and A that exists on YouTube, that was at Sine Family. She talks about this for so long. About persuading, like, you know.
1:00:55 Bill Simmons? So, one of her best friends was Rosanna Arquette. Joyce just sounds like she was.
1:01:00 Speaker 02 Rosanna Arquette, really?
1:01:01 Speaker 01 She was like an it girl.
1:01:02 Bill Simmons? Just that, yeah.
1:01:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:03 Bill Simmons? Really felt like she was in the middle of everything. Rosanna said, I would say you shouldn't do it because no one will ever look into your eyes again as long as you live. On the other hand, people will look at you and see those breasts forever, even when you're an old lady. And Lisa Gottlieb said she heard that story and said, wow, I'll strip myself after hearing that reason.
1:01:24 Speaker 02 Okay.
1:01:25 Bill Simmons? But that was Rosanna Arquette. Like, just think long game. 40 years from now, you'll be old, you'll be glad you did it. Interesting.
1:01:31 Speaker 01 So Joyce Heiser was talking about how, she was like, this is before Freeze Frame, this was before, you know, like, when we made this. I did not know that this would be like the most paused moment in 80's cinema or whatever.
1:01:44 Bill Simmons? She didn't know porn. She was like, if I knew Pornhub, all that shit was coming, probably not saying yes to this.
1:01:48 Speaker 01 And it's become like this whole thing. But I saw an interview that she gave just like a couple of years ago where she was like, yeah, and I've got really like, you know, shy about doing nudity and I didn't wanna do it. And she's like, now I wish I had because, you know, like, I wish I had done it, honestly, more often. What was I afraid of? So I thought that was interesting.
1:02:05 Speaker 02 Rosanna Arquette, she's in a movie with Van Damme called Nowhere to Run, one of his worst movies. Topless, talented. Looks great.
1:02:13 Speaker 01 Rosanna Arquette, colon, topless, talented. In that order, in that order?
1:02:17 Speaker 02 No.
1:02:17 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:02:18 Bill Simmons? Probably happy she did it.
1:02:19 Speaker 02 They did not have an intimacy coordinator in that movie either, unfortunately. But I remember sitting in theater.
1:02:24 Bill Simmons? And then Clayton Rohner weighed in. They were considered a work of art, not anything sexual. They were so beautiful. She was gorgeous.
1:02:31 Speaker 02 Oh, wow. Good for you.
1:02:32 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:02:33 Speaker 02 Just shooting from the hip.
1:02:33 Bill Simmons? They were, all right, well, I never.
1:02:35 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:02:38 Speaker 02 I mean, elephant in the room. She has fantastic breasts.
1:02:40 Bill Simmons? Well, we have a couple of categories coming up.
1:02:43 Speaker 02 Oh, good.
1:02:45 Bill Simmons? Well, don't cover that, but the Steven Skoll shitting on himself award for most unbelievable anecdote from the actual film shoot. The godfather of soul, James Brown.
1:02:56 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:02:56 Bill Simmons? Spent three days on set, allegedly, to help Clayton Rohner perfect his dance moves. And this was a thing that happened. And I, it's inexplicable. I researched it multiple places.
1:03:08 Speaker 01 They keep saying it everywhere, so it has to be true.
1:03:10 Bill Simmons? And his room is covered in James Brown stuff.
1:03:13 Speaker 01 He choreographed the prom dance moves that both Terry and Rick do.
1:03:19 Bill Simmons? Clayton Rohner claims he was there for five days.
1:03:22 Speaker 02 No, he wasn't.
1:03:23 Speaker 01 Joyce.
1:03:24 Bill Simmons? So, so he went from the set of Just One of the Guys to doing Living in America with Apollo Creed.
1:03:30 Speaker 02 That's true. He was working a lot. Hardest working man. Gosh, that's right.
1:03:34 Speaker 01 James Brown showed up to do beach prom choreography for just one of the guys.
1:03:38 Bill Simmons? I just don't know if I believe it, but it's adamant that this happened.
1:03:42 Speaker 01 I believe it. The way that they all keep repeating it in interviews, like, I just don't think it's a joke.
1:03:46 Speaker 02 It's also like, it's in the conversation for like, the whitest movie ever made. And the male lead loves James Brown of all things.
1:03:53 Bill Simmons? Right. It's like their way of working a black person to it. Clayton Rohner said, how many times do you get to sit and shoot the shit with James Brown for eight hours a day?
1:04:01 Speaker 02 Never.
1:04:02 Bill Simmons? I'm guessing it wasn't eight hours a day.
1:04:03 Speaker 01 I really don't think it was.
1:04:05 Bill Simmons? I think it was probably, it went from 10 minutes to an hour over the years past. All right, new category.
1:04:09 Speaker 02 Who we got?
1:04:10 Bill Simmons? The Billy Jacoby Award for most believable and yet unequivocally delightful anecdote from the actual film shoot. This is a new category, Craig. Clayton Rohner talking about Billy Jacoby.
1:04:23 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
1:04:23 Bill Simmons? Well, Billy Jacoby was under 18. I think it was more like 15. I don't think he could drive. And he got in all kinds of trouble because his chaperone was his older sister and she didn't give a crap. And oh my God, he was after every girl on the set. And I wouldn't be surprised if he got successful with a couple of them. He was a ladies man, that kid, I swear to God.
1:04:42 Speaker 02 Awesome.
1:04:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:43 Bill Simmons? So then the interviewer asked Clayton Rohner, did he hook up with Sherilyn Finn? Rohner answers, I don't know. I think she was dating Chris Penn at the time. What's, this movie's like a four hour documentary. So Joyce Heiser is the most connected woman in Hollywood, apparently. Sherilyn Finn is under 18 dating Chris Penn. Clayton Rohner is hanging out with James Brown. What the fuck was happening in this movie?
1:05:08 Speaker 01 The bosses on the set.
1:05:09 Bill Simmons? The bosses on the set.
1:05:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:10 Speaker 02 Plus, according to my research, Sherilyn Finn at this time was with Johnny Depp. That's on her Wiki page. That, so like, I, I think he was somewhere floating around too.
1:05:21 Bill Simmons? This is a movie set that had Bruce Springsteen and James Brown visiting.
1:05:24 Speaker 01 And they went to, like, Scottsdale, Arizona. They flew James Brown out to Arizona to do prom choreography.
1:05:33 Bill Simmons? Wait, one more anecdote from this interview?
1:05:35 Speaker 02 Unbelievable. I'm stunned.
1:05:36 Bill Simmons? They asked him how William Zapka was to work with in the eighties and Clayton said, he was great, you know? He was a born again Christian. All the girls wanted to sleep with him and all he wanted to do was sing them songs and hang out.
1:05:48 Speaker 02 Hmm.
1:05:49 Speaker 01 Interesting.
1:05:50 Speaker 02 I, I have to admit, there's part of-
1:05:51 Speaker 01 That's not, that's not what, how I thought Billy, like, passed the eighties.
1:05:54 Speaker 02 He thought he was Party Boy?
1:05:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:05:57 Speaker 01 Interesting.
1:05:57 Speaker 02 There's still part of my brain that's still sitting here thinking about Joyce Heiser as Dr. Melfi. Like, I haven't recovered from that moment.
1:06:03 Speaker 01 You may never come back.
1:06:04 Speaker 02 Still kind of there.
1:06:04 Bill Simmons? How about 15 year old Billy Jacoby banging, banging chicks on the, just one of the gas set?
1:06:09 Speaker 02 Amazing. Amazing. Method guy, Billy Jacoby.
1:06:12 Speaker 01 What do you think, what if they had put-
1:06:13 Bill Simmons? This is the podcast of the year.
1:06:15 Speaker 01 What if they had put Jacoby instead of David Fostino in Married with Children?
1:06:20 Bill Simmons? Better, better, better show.
1:06:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:06:22 Speaker 01 Like a great show.
1:06:23 Speaker 02 Yeah. Him and Christina Applegate working together.
1:06:25 Bill Simmons? It sounds like we should have put him in Basic Instinct and had him just with Sharon Stone.
1:06:30 Speaker 02 Instead of Wayne Knight sitting there watching, he's just Billy sweating. That's great.
1:06:35 Bill Simmons? The Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happyness, where our best needle dropped. Trouble by Lindsey Buckingham's in this and dropped nicely. The prom song is called Hard Way. Mm hmm.
1:06:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:45 Bill Simmons? And it's like, ah. Dun dun dun dun.
1:06:47 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, that's cool.
1:06:50 Bill Simmons? It's not bad. It might have been their own song. I looked for it on Spotify.
1:06:53 Speaker 02 It was like shitty Loverboy.
1:06:55 Bill Simmons? Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. Big Hooner Burger, where our best use of food and drink, obviously the spaghetti spill.
1:07:01 Speaker 01 This is like, where has spaghetti spill gone? I feel like it was a staple of cinema for so long and now we are no longer.
1:07:07 Bill Simmons? Well, kids wouldn't eat spaghetti at lunch now, right?
1:07:10 Speaker 01 I don't think people just eat big plates of spaghetti like they did in the eighties and nineties.
1:07:13 Bill Simmons? You know it's going on somebody.
1:07:15 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah.
1:07:15 Bill Simmons? Nobody's ever had a bite of spaghetti in eighties.
1:07:17 Speaker 02 Or you're just talking in Fatal Attraction, he gives it to his dog.
1:07:22 Bill Simmons? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That's the most upset Mal's ever been about anything that's ever been in a movie or TV show.
1:07:28 Speaker 02 Then Michael Douglas gives spaghetti.
1:07:29 Bill Simmons? Comes home from two days after sleeping with Glenn Close and just gives his dog spaghetti and meatballs.
1:07:35 Speaker 03 Is that that bad?
1:07:37 Speaker 01 The meatballs doesn't seem like it should be that bad.
1:07:39 Speaker 02 Farting and puking everywhere.
1:07:41 Bill Simmons? It's a complete violation.
1:07:42 Speaker 03 No, but it's not like, you know.
1:07:44 Bill Simmons? Craig, don't have a dog. You're not allowed.
1:07:46 Speaker 03 A meatball and some pasta is not a good thing in the world.
1:07:49 Speaker 02 It's all about the puking and the shitting they're gonna be doing all over the place.
1:07:51 Speaker 01 Why if you just give, I don't own a dog, what if you just gave the meatballs? Like, could the dog just have a meatball?
1:07:56 Speaker 03 Like, if she poured the dog a beer, I'd be like, alright.
1:07:58 Speaker 02 Bradley Cooper gives his dog a steak before he hangs himself in A Star is Born.
1:08:01 Speaker 01 That's fine. That's great.
1:08:03 Speaker 02 I think that's better. The spaghetti meatballs.
1:08:04 Bill Simmons? Yeah, cuz you don't have to clear up the diarrhea after you're hanging in the garage.
1:08:08 Speaker 01 That's Lady Gaga's job.
1:08:12 Bill Simmons? The Billy Bats Jack Waltz Award for most biting and scalable insult. New category for you.
1:08:17 Speaker 02 I fucking love it. And I have an answer.
1:08:19 Bill Simmons? What is it?
1:08:21 Speaker 02 It's when the Star Trek guys are in the cafeteria and they go, I seem to be detecting some sort of carbon-based douchebag.
1:08:29 Speaker 02 I love every time he says that about Greg Tolan. That's mine. Carbon-based douchebag.
1:08:33 Speaker 01 I like those guys.
1:08:34 Bill Simmons? Pretty good. We'll take one more break and then Kyle's got a flex. This episode is brought to you by Trivia. Sweeteners are like movies. The best ones don't leave an aftertaste. That's why Trivia Allos Plus Stevia Sweetener and Monk Fruit Sweetener is a smooth, balanced tri blend that delivers sugar like sweetness with zero calories per serving and no aftertaste. If you're looking for a better way to enjoy sweetness with zero calories per serving, you really need to try Trivia Allos Plus Stevia Sweetener and Monk Fruit Sweetener. Available online and nationwide at Kroger, Target, and your favorite local grocery retailer. This episode is brought to you by Quince. Finding a decent piece of clothing can be a lot harder than finding a decent movie,
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1:10:02 Bill Simmons? Get free shipping on your order, 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it's a rewatchables podcast. They would appreciate that. It's the best way to support the show. All right, Kyle, what's your flex?
1:10:16 Speaker 02 All right, so I was gonna go Sasha Jenkins, Bigger Star for Billy Jacoby, but we've covered so much of it. So that means I have to pivot. And usually when I pivot, I do a porn title, but I haven't prepared one.
1:10:26 Speaker 01 Off the dome, buddy. You're an English major.
1:10:29 Bill Simmons? Just one of the guys. I think it would be the same title.
1:10:30 Speaker 01 You're an English major. You know Shakespeare. Do it.
1:10:33 Speaker 02 Thrust one of the guys. Also a gay porn, probably. Thrust one of the guys.
1:10:38 Bill Simmons? Thrust one of the guys.
1:10:39 Speaker 02 Yes, yes. We needed more sex talk from the end of the pod.
1:10:41 Bill Simmons? See, I think it would have been just all of the guys.
1:10:43 Speaker 02 Thrust all of the guys. That's good, too. That's good.
1:10:47 Bill Simmons? Butch's Girlfriend Award for weak link of the film.
1:10:51 Speaker 01 This is tough.
1:10:52 Bill Simmons? Lot of ways to go here.
1:10:53 Speaker 01 This is.
1:10:53 Speaker 02 What do you think, Joe?
1:10:54 Speaker 01 Well, this is tough because both this and overacting is tough because it's just a vibe. I don't think that, I don't feel like anyone is doing a great, wonderful acting job. So I can't get upset, you know?
1:11:05 Bill Simmons? That's why my answer is Cyndi Lauper, as we discussed earlier. I just can't believe they didn't do a second take.
1:11:11 Speaker 01 I also just, Rick as a char-
1:11:14 Bill Simmons? I just, I still can't believe it.
1:11:15 Speaker 01 I would do a few more passes on Rick as a character. I feel like I like James Brown is not enough of a, a, a draw for our, like, leading lady, I think.
1:11:26 Bill Simmons? All right, next category is the Jamie Lee Curtis Unnecessary Nudity Award, which is obviously, uh...
1:11:34 Bill Simmons? This could go one of two ways. They easily could have just gone bra and probably nailed it.
1:11:39 Speaker 02 Interesting.
1:11:41 Bill Simmons? Right?
1:11:42 Speaker 01 I mean-
1:11:43 Bill Simmons? I don't, it's 1985, so they're not gonna do that.
1:11:45 Speaker 01 I mean, especially since she's like, quite obviously wearing a binder for the rest of the movie, like-
1:11:49 Speaker 03 I was gonna ask that, why is she not wearing a bra to push down her boobs at the prom?
1:11:54 Speaker 01 She's wearing, the rest of the movie, she's got like, basically an ace bandage on it. She's like, got a binder on, and when she pulls the shirt back together, you can see her bra on underneath. So, you know, it's for cinema, it's for art.
1:12:06 Speaker 02 Listen, it's 1985, you gotta deliver certain things, especially if your poster is what that poster is, and you can't have the, be like, what the heck? That's what happens, you have to have some nudity in there.
1:12:16 Speaker 03 I don't think this is unnecessary for the movie, to be honest.
1:12:19 Speaker 02 I think, I- She tells him like, three times, "I'm a female," I'm a, he won't believe her. What, what's he gonna do?
1:12:24 Bill Simmons? I think it's necessary, but I also would have filmed a second scene with the bra for Comedy Central.
1:12:30 Speaker 02 You could do it from behind.
1:12:31 Speaker 01 I know, they just, I didn't even know this scene was in the movie until many, many years later.
1:12:36 Speaker 03 But trading places, like, Dan Aykroyd's just sick in bed, and for some reason, she's just topless taking care of him.
1:12:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:12:41 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:12:42 Speaker 01 This is much more plot related, you're right.
1:12:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's like, in theory, it's story related.
1:12:45 Speaker 01 This is art.
1:12:46 Bill Simmons? What's age the worst? What's age the worst, um, Terry confronting her professor right after overhearing them talk about how hot she is, and he goes, "Well, you're a pretty girl, you could be a model."
1:12:56 Speaker 02 That's his recovery. Come on, man. It's brutal.
1:13:00 Bill Simmons? Even for 1985, it's like, come on, man.
1:13:03 Speaker 02 Brutal.
1:13:05 Bill Simmons? The One of the Guys song is pretty bad.
1:13:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's.
1:13:08 Bill Simmons? One of the guys.
1:13:10 Speaker 02 So synth heavy.
1:13:11 Speaker 01 This is, this is just the joy of being in the 80s. You're like, what's the title of the movie?
1:13:16 Bill Simmons? Could've worked a little harder.
1:13:17 Speaker 02 They had no money for any pop music at all, so they had to make some really bad shit on a Yamaha synthesizer.
1:13:23 Bill Simmons? This is a good time.
1:13:24 Speaker 01 Just with like a preset on the Yamaha?
1:13:26 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
1:13:27 Bill Simmons? This is a What's Age the Worst? And just let me, let me lay in the plane on this. Sherilyn Fenn's 90 Rise tying into the legend of the movie now has aged the worst because it's 2026 and Sherilyn Fenn, I don't think has the same kind of oomph. But when this movie was having its rewatchable kind of renaissance of the 90s, a piece of it was, it was young Sherilyn Fenn, it was Twin Peaks, she was in, what was that movie? Three of Hearts or whatever that was? And everybody, all the guys I knew, including myself, were, we loved her. And it was just weird that she was in this movie and it was like this crazy wrinkle to it, but now nobody cares.
1:14:06 Speaker 01 I think Sherilyn Fenn, because Twin Peaks is an institution, like people still.
1:14:10 Bill Simmons? It still matters?
1:14:10 Speaker 01 She still matters. Not in the same way that it did in the 90s, though, I agree.
1:14:14 Bill Simmons? Any others? Cause I have a couple other.
1:14:16 Speaker 02 Quick one, a classic for What's Age the Worst? Shirts and Skins, it doesn't exist.
1:14:21 Bill Simmons? You're right.
1:14:22 Speaker 02 I coach youth sports, different sports. It would be unfathomable to me to go out to these boys and be like, all right, you're the shirts. Take your shirt. It'd be ridiculous. Like, I feel like I'd be arrested.
1:14:31 Bill Simmons? You've lost your job 10 minutes later.
1:14:33 Speaker 02 We don't do it.
1:14:33 Bill Simmons? Kyle, I heard you did shirts and skins.
1:14:35 Speaker 02 You'd derope my child? Never.
1:14:37 Speaker 01 No surprise jock inspections in your.
1:14:39 Speaker 02 Okay, never. And by the way, jock straps themselves, they were everywhere in the 80s. Revenge of the Nerds has a whole thing, 16 Candles does. I, I don't think I've ever worn a jock strap in my life, ever. I've worn a cup, but like, you would just go to gym, you put a jock on. Like, it's a very odd thing. Craig, again, jock strap?
1:14:57 Speaker 03 Only one I played baseball.
1:14:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, baseball. Like, if you're a catcher, yeah, for a cup, but like, not like in gym.
1:15:02 Speaker 03 No.
1:15:03 Speaker 02 Never.
1:15:03 Speaker 03 Also, we weren't showering in gym class in high school.
1:15:06 Speaker 02 We had, we were told we had to do it.
1:15:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, nobody did that.
1:15:09 Speaker 02 We had to do it nude.
1:15:09 Speaker 01 Were you showering in school?
1:15:11 Bill Simmons? I mean, not if I could help it.
1:15:13 Speaker 02 Our gym teacher said to us, you have to shower.
1:15:15 Bill Simmons? With a bunch of dudes.
1:15:15 Speaker 02 Yes. And by the way, I remember our gym teacher saying like, and no bathing suits. This is a nude shower. That was their policy. I'm not kidding. Like, that was just what you did. And we're like, alright. It was so weird. So weird.
1:15:26 Bill Simmons? Now it only, they only do it in England.
1:15:30 Speaker 02 Do they do?
1:15:30 Bill Simmons? Sorry, just shots at England.
1:15:32 Speaker 01 Can I hit you with a what's aged the worst?
1:15:34 Bill Simmons? I want a couple for me.
1:15:35 Speaker 01 Okay. Well, I would just say that like, I think using tulip as, as your gaze luer is like, but there's some other like, you know, gender commentary stuff in this movie, some like trans commentary stuff. That like, as much as this is maybe like, helped some people, there's also just trans jokes that haven't aged well, I would say.
1:15:56 Bill Simmons? Has it aged worse than setting up a high school senior in a double date with a sixth grader?
1:16:01 Speaker 01 You know, in just two years, she's gonna make him really happy.
1:16:04 Bill Simmons? What? That, I didn't understand that in 1985. Now it's like, what's happening?
1:16:10 Speaker 01 A lot of.
1:16:10 Bill Simmons? Why not go ninth grader?
1:16:11 Speaker 01 A lot of girls with braces in this, in this sex comedy.
1:16:15 Bill Simmons? Sixth grader is like, like, what is happening? I just didn't get that at all. I don't know why.
1:16:19 Speaker 01 Well, I thought that was just like a bait and switch. She was just like, I have a cousin.
1:16:23 Bill Simmons? Alright, but you go ninth grader. I don't know.
1:16:27 Speaker 02 This type of thing has really changed and become way progressive recently. Like, it wasn't that long ago that there was the Olsen Twins countdown clock and people would just talk about it.
1:16:35 Bill Simmons? It's true.
1:16:36 Speaker 02 There's a clip that goes around of Ashton Kutcher hosting Punk'd. And he's like, so we got Hilary Duff here. She's one of those girls. We're just waiting until she turns 18. Everyone's like, what the fuck? But that was on Punk'd. It was no big deal. Like, that was just part of the show. That's changed a lot recently.
1:16:51 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:16:51 Speaker 02 Thank God.
1:16:52 Speaker 01 At sixth grade, you're 12, 13?
1:16:55 Speaker 02 11 or 12.
1:16:56 Bill Simmons? Highs are, um, I don't know if this is a what's aged the worst or what's aged the best, but she said, I've done a few of these signing conventions where they come in with tons and tons of pictures. And not one of my fans has brought that picture to sign.
1:17:08 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:17:08 Bill Simmons? That's why I truly love my fans. So it's a what's aged the best that nobody's done that. It's a what's aged the worst that it's been her worst fear?
1:17:16 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
1:17:17 Speaker 01 I feel like that's definitely happened to her somewhere. Someone has brought her that photo.
1:17:22 Bill Simmons? Uh, and then finally, what's, we may as well, we'll do the Clayton Rohner conversation now. We've been dancing around it.
1:17:30 Speaker 02 Dancing like James Brown?
1:17:31 Bill Simmons? It's tough.
1:17:33 Speaker 01 What do you want to say?
1:17:35 Bill Simmons? Well, he, this probably was the peak for him. If he's listening, I feel bad, but um, yeah, it's, it's tough. This, this character's all over the place.
1:17:43 Speaker 02 Yep.
1:17:44 Bill Simmons? Not, uh, not positive with the...
1:17:47 Speaker 01 I think it's more of a character issue than it is even an acting issue.
1:17:50 Bill Simmons? Maybe it's a Rick issue, not a Clayton Roan issue.
1:17:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I would say.
1:17:52 Speaker 02 One of the archetypes, I think, of the movies is the sensitive new boy in town. Like, in Footloose, that's Kevin Bacon, and he pulls it off. But that's, just like we have Bully and like The Babe With Brains and all that, like, that guy. And they tried really hard, I think. I think they, the James Brown thing is kind of just a weird whiff. They tried to make him interesting and appealing, but it's not the best part of the movie.
1:18:12 Bill Simmons? Yeah, it's like he's a nerd, but then no nerd would be able to win a fight with Greg Toland on the beach, or do like the lunch scene. So he's like a lurking, non-nerd.
1:18:23 Speaker 01 He's like a loner, but he's not...
1:18:25 Bill Simmons? He's like Christian Slater and Heathers or something.
1:18:27 Speaker 01 I was gonna say, he's not Christian Slater and Heathers, but he doesn't have the, the Christian Slater riz.
1:18:30 Bill Simmons? I just don't have a handle on this character at all, even if I have 50 watches.
1:18:34 Speaker 01 Andrew McCarthy, not to bring him up again, but like, like Andrew McCarthy in this role. Cause he can do, he can do that like nermy guy with like, but he has that, that cocaine gleam, as I like to say about Andrew McCarthy.
1:18:47 Speaker 02 Rick is dreamy, like, especially like, I, I love another 80's high school staple, The Makeover. When you go from totally geek to totally chic. And she just combed his hair differently and put on like a vest, and he was all of a sudden the coolest guy in school. He's handsome as hell.
1:18:58 Speaker 01 Do you feel like we were robbed of the montage, the makeover montage?
1:19:01 Speaker 02 Totally.
1:19:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I agree.
1:19:03 Speaker 02 Totally. There should have been a montage, and it's, and the girl's got something.
1:19:06 Bill Simmons? Well, they were, they were shopping at 7:15 in the morning before school.
1:19:10 Speaker 02 With the plastic.
1:19:11 Speaker 01 They didn't have the budget to go to the mall in Arizona. Are you an Airborne guy, the movie Airborne?
1:19:17 Speaker 02 No.
1:19:17 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:19:18 Speaker 02 No. Airplane and airheads, but not airborne.
1:19:20 Speaker 01 But not airborne?
1:19:20 Speaker 02 No.
1:19:21 Speaker 01 There's a great makeover montage in that. Yeah, Seth Green, it's really good.
1:19:25 Bill Simmons? Ruffalo Hannah Ruben Park George overacting word. This is.
1:19:28 Speaker 02 How do you, how do you do this?
1:19:29 Speaker 01 I can't for this movie.
1:19:31 Bill Simmons? No, you can.
1:19:31 Speaker 02 Okay, what do you got?
1:19:32 Bill Simmons? I don't know if it's overacting or if it's underacting, or if it's, what is this acting? But the teacher is just insane in this movie.
1:19:39 Speaker 01 Oh, the first one?
1:19:42 Bill Simmons? And he's like, when he apologizes to her at the end, he's just, I don't know.
1:19:45 Speaker 01 The apology one is so weird because he's like, I'm shipping you and Rick. Are you guys gonna be together? I can tell how you feel about him from your article. We're, I'm gonna come back to that, but like.
1:19:54 Bill Simmons? It's just bizarre.
1:19:56 Speaker 01 It's super weird. Like, did he learn something, maybe, but he was like, he was like, I can really tell that you care about that guy, Rick. Are you, are you two kids gonna work it out? Bizarre.
1:20:04 Speaker 02 And she goes, how do you know that? And he's like this huge pause and he's like.
1:20:08 Bill Simmons? I read your column. I read your article.
1:20:11 Speaker 02 Come on, man. Just say the line. Let's go to lunch.
1:20:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:20:15 Bill Simmons? All right, so you have a flex.
1:20:17 Speaker 01 I'm doing the Vincent Chase award. Are we sure this character was actually good at his job? Is Terry a good journalist?
1:20:25 Bill Simmons? Yeah, what's our evidence that?
1:20:27 Speaker 02 I had that for my picking notes.
1:20:28 Speaker 01 I mean, like, because what is this? To go back to, I read your article. What is this article that she turned in? Like ostensibly, it's about going undercover as a guy. She won the, this, this award, but like, how much of this article is about this dreamy guy, Rick? That she has a crush on? Like, what, what is this?
1:20:48 Speaker 02 It's fanfiction, feels like.
1:20:49 Speaker 01 I feel like she won this so that people didn't get sued. I don't know, like, it's, it's a bizarre thing and I have no evidence that she's a great writer.
1:20:56 Bill Simmons? I'm really glad you brought this up. He says, I was trying to think of like, the premise of the piece. So was she trying to expose, like, I had to do this because it's the only way I could enter a contest?
1:21:08 Speaker 01 No, it's because like, people's reactions are like, I like what you said about like, being yourself and, you know, so it's like, how nerds are treated or be yourself. I don't know, it's like a real think piece, like puff think piece.
1:21:20 Bill Simmons? Why didn't we get to see it? Why didn't they do like a mock version of the essay? What do you mean?
1:21:24 Speaker 02 At the end, when she's on the word processor, we see her lead.
1:21:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, oh, you have it?
1:21:28 Speaker 02 It's fucking horrible.
1:21:29 Speaker 01 What do you, what do you have?
1:21:30 Speaker 02 It starts with a question.
1:21:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:21:31 Speaker 02 And she's like, have you ever wondered what it's like to be inside the guy's locker room? She goes, fate forced yours truly to be a teenage boy exclamation point. It's the worst garbage you've ever read. It's terrible.
1:21:43 Speaker 01 Okay, so then we have our answer.
1:21:44 Speaker 02 This was your contest winner?
1:21:45 Speaker 01 Is Terry a good journalist? No.
1:21:47 Bill Simmons? Well, I have another reason.
1:21:48 Speaker 01 Does the Arizona school system did not want to get sued or something like that?
1:21:53 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:21:53 Speaker 01 Is how she won the contest.
1:21:54 Bill Simmons? Reason to back you up. And I say this as somebody who was a two fingered typist, but really fast.
1:21:59 Speaker 02 Oh, her type sucks.
1:22:01 Bill Simmons? I would be on airplanes typing and like the people in my, whatever the person I sit next to was like, I can't believe you can type that fast. But I was just like, yeah, she,
1:22:11 Speaker 01 She's hunting pegs.
1:22:12 Bill Simmons? Joyce Heiser had never touched a word processor before. She's like,
1:22:15 Speaker 01 She's too busy dancing and, and being friends with the revanarchet.
1:22:19 Bill Simmons? The worst lead ever. Yeah. I think the answer is she was probably a terrible journalist.
1:22:23 Speaker 02 And you, and you said to that person next to you on the plane, you're like, look, I'm trying to compare Pearl Jam's No Code to Tracy McGrady. You try to type fast, right? Fucking awesome. Good for you. Type any way you want.
1:22:32 Bill Simmons? The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford. How does take a word? Which people have been clamoring for us to change it to the Rob Mahone.
1:22:42 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. Nirvana is bad, actually.
1:22:44 Bill Simmons? Was bad, actually.
1:22:45 Speaker 01 Teen Spirit is bad, actually. I, I wouldn't disagree.
1:22:48 Speaker 02 What was it before CR thinks, there was another one. Stephen A. Smith is what it's called. But the CR one's perfect. Yeah. Especially when you do a Harrison Ford movie, like you guys just did, and you get to ask CR if Luke Wilson could have carried what lies beneath.
1:22:59 Bill Simmons? Well, then when Cameron, when Cameron Crowe without blinking in that seat was like, oh yeah, he definitely could have. And like, was like bought in. That was when we were like, oh man.
1:23:09 Speaker 02 CR thinks that Luke Wilson could have had like the whip and the hat and all that shit.
1:23:12 Bill Simmons? Yeah, he could have done it all. Could have done it all. What do you have for how to take?
1:23:16 Speaker 02 Um, Paul Thomas Anderson ripped off this movie for Boogie Nights. And it's a whole movie with a character and the character is hiding something and we're hearing about it, hearing about it. And at the end, the big fucking whip out in the last scene where you're like, whoa. I think Paul Thomas Anderson is a full horn dog. He saw this movie, he liked the reveal.
1:23:36 Bill Simmons? He loved Heiser?
1:23:37 Speaker 02 Yes, loved it and it inspired his reveal for Dirk Diggler to say, I'm a star, I'm a star and pull it out in the dressing room. That, him Dirk pulling it out.
1:23:44 Bill Simmons? Wow, that's really good.
1:23:45 Speaker 01 Do you think, do you think Paul Thomas Anderson and Warren Beatty were at the same screening of Just One of the Guys?
1:23:50 Speaker 02 You know what? I think Warren Beatty had a private screening.
1:23:52 Speaker 01 Oh, you're right.
1:23:53 Speaker 02 I really do.
1:23:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, P T's more of a, I rented it again and again.
1:23:57 Speaker 02 Cause he wants to rewind, like we all did. There's, there's, there's like early on in Boogie Nights, you see like close ups of like Dirk's crotch and he's like, there's this bulge that he shows. You kind of get that a little bit with Terry and I think it's that same shock effect in the, pretty much the last moment of the movie when it's just out, damn.
1:24:12 Bill Simmons? I really like, I'm almost in awe of that take, it's great.
1:24:15 Speaker 02 I think P T owes an apology.
1:24:16 Speaker 01 It's scorching, it's a very, it's a scorching take.
1:24:19 Bill Simmons? What do you have, Joe?
1:24:20 Speaker 01 I think, I think Joyce Heiser should have had a bigger career. Not Harrison Ford level, but I think she had, and I think Debbie Mazur took Joyce Heiser's career. That's what I think.
1:24:32 Speaker 02 Where do you, what Debbie Mazur role do you see Joyce Heiser?
1:24:34 Speaker 01 Any of them, because like, she's, she, you know, she grew up in, in Queens, like she, that sort of like real New York girl, like attitude.
1:24:44 Speaker 02 Goodfellas.
1:24:45 Speaker 01 I would, I would have loved to have seen.
1:24:46 Bill Simmons? I think the problem for her, there's a little Kurt Warner with her, like she was 26 in this movie.
1:24:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's true.
1:24:52 Bill Simmons? Stuff football reference.
1:24:53 Speaker 01 No, I got it, I got it, but like when she made this movie, she said she was offered other teen roles and she's like, I'm in my late twenties now. What can you give me? She said she auditioned for Brian De Palma for Body Double, I think.
1:25:04 Bill Simmons? Well, so when it, ooh, that would have been interesting. So when it should have happened for her was late seventies, when she was like 21, should have been laying the groundwork.
1:25:14 Speaker 01 She was on tour with Bruce, on tour with The Boss.
1:25:16 Bill Simmons? Like, could she have been the, the Mornay part in Risky Business?
1:25:21 Speaker 01 She says she almost got the Terry Gar role in Tootsie, that when Hal Ashby was directing Tootsie.
1:25:27 Bill Simmons? See, I never know when to believe the, if I was an actor, I would say I almost got.
1:25:32 Speaker 01 I almost got any, yeah.
1:25:33 Speaker 02 She's only in movies where people cross dress like that.
1:25:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:25:36 Speaker 02 It's her niche.
1:25:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:25:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't know about the De Mornay, I don't know, that's, she goes pretty nuts in that part.
1:25:41 Speaker 01 I would not.
1:25:42 Bill Simmons? What do you have for a take?
1:25:43 Speaker 02 When she dresses down that part, holy shit.
1:25:45 Speaker 01 No.
1:25:46 Bill Simmons? What do you have for a take?
1:25:47 Speaker 01 Joyce Heiser and Debbie Mazur.
1:25:48 Bill Simmons? Oh, that's okay, yeah, yeah.
1:25:49 Speaker 01 It's a lukewarm take.
1:25:50 Bill Simmons? Mine is a.
1:25:55 Speaker 02 Come on, grow up into it.
1:25:58 Bill Simmons? I just think Jacoby in this movie, I think it's an all time eighties comedy performance. I think it holds up. I was watching it with my fam and I was laughing at every scene and the lines. And my wife at one point was like, I, you rarely laugh at movies like this. I don't know. I was like, this kid just hits my, he's just going for it for an hour and a half and it fucking kills me every time. And I was trying to think of other movies in the eighties that make me, like, Fletch does that for me, even though I think we all know Chevy Chase is an asshole.
1:26:28 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:26:29 Bill Simmons? Eddie Murphy in basically his first three movies, every scene he's in. But not to compare him to people like that, but it ma, he makes me laugh like that. And I don't really have an explanation for it.
1:26:39 Speaker 01 Real ones know that the eighties comedy trio is Eddie Murphy, Chevy Chase and David Jacoby.
1:26:45 Speaker 02 Not necessarily in that order either.
1:26:46 Speaker 01 Hmm, you're right.
1:26:47 Bill Simmons? Well, I was watching Meatballs.
1:26:47 Speaker 01 Topless and talented.
1:26:48 Bill Simmons? Yeah. We didn't say that on Meatballs.
1:26:50 Speaker 02 It's fine. It's idiotic. It's not my thing.
1:26:53 Bill Simmons? Bill Murray is kind of trying to do the, and I'm sure Billy Jacoby probably loved that movie. But Bill Murray is trying to be funny, but half the time it's not hitting.
1:27:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:27:00 Bill Simmons? Jacoby's batting average is like 90% in this movie. Every line, everything, I just, it's inexplicable.
1:27:07 Speaker 01 First of all, I think you should get Jacoby on the pod. He should know.
1:27:10 Bill Simmons? He's not Billy Jean.
1:27:11 Speaker 02 I know.
1:27:12 Speaker 01 Um, and secondly, I think you should single handedly like resurrect this guy's career in a post-millf manner kind of way.
1:27:19 Bill Simmons? There's a reason we call it the hottest take category, but I really, I think his batting average in this movie, it would be like when you look at football and you look at the, like the highest QB ratings ever or something. And all the guys make sense. And then there's this one random like Dante Culpepper, what's he doing here?
1:27:34 Speaker 02 Yes, yes.
1:27:35 Bill Simmons? And that's what I think his stats would be. We'd be looking at the eighties movie reference.com. And you'd be like, yep, Chevy Chase, Eddie Murphy, Bill Mc, Billy Jacoby, 92.7?
1:27:46 Speaker 02 You're like, wow.
1:27:46 Bill Simmons? What is this?
1:27:47 Speaker 02 Aaron Brooks on the Saints got really hot for like six weeks. Incredible.
1:27:50 Bill Simmons? I just think the advanced metrics loved him in this movie.
1:27:52 Speaker 02 It's not enough to say that he's cooking this movie. He's, he's at fucking Benihana, throwing shrimp into your mouth and doing the onion volcano and making the beating heart and catching the egg in his hat. Like he's doing all the tricks.
1:28:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:28:03 Speaker 02 It's so fun.
1:28:04 Speaker 01 He's really good.
1:28:05 Bill Simmons? Uh, casting went if Jennifer Jason Lee went for the lead, Heiser said she got it over.
1:28:11 Speaker 01 I don't think Jennifer Jason Leigh is right for that role.
1:28:13 Speaker 02 Do you wanna see her as?
1:28:15 Bill Simmons? I don't like it.
1:28:15 Speaker 02 As Terry? No, I don't think so.
1:28:17 Bill Simmons? I don't like it. Rohner said he beat out James LaGrosse.
1:28:21 Speaker 02 Oh, that's from Point Break?
1:28:22 Speaker 01 That would have been much better.
1:28:24 Speaker 02 Roach? He's a good actor.
1:28:26 Speaker 01 He was the original Ray Allen Givens, the first one.
1:28:28 Bill Simmons? Best Guy Award, probably Clayton Rohner.
1:28:31 Speaker 01 I...
1:28:34 Speaker 01 The... One of the nerd guys.
1:28:36 Speaker 02 I know who you're saying.
1:28:37 Speaker 01 Ari Gross.
1:28:38 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:28:39 Speaker 01 Cause he was on Ellen for like 900 years.
1:28:41 Speaker 02 You know what I think of Ari Gross? He's the guy in the opening scene of Minority Report who's gonna kill his wife.
1:28:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
1:28:45 Speaker 02 And Tom Cruise stops him and puts the cuff on him.
1:28:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:28:48 Speaker 02 That guy was like, "Oh, I know him."
1:28:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:28:50 Speaker 02 Yeah. I didn't know his name, but I do now.
1:28:52 Bill Simmons? Clayton Rohner, 90210 episode?
1:28:55 Speaker 01 Which one?
1:28:57 Bill Simmons? No?
1:28:57 Speaker 01 No. Which one?
1:28:59 Bill Simmons? Dylan? When Dylan's drinking again, season five?
1:29:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:29:02 Speaker 02 Oh, he's drinking hard, too.
1:29:03 Bill Simmons? One of the best eight-episode cycles in the history of television?
1:29:06 Speaker 01 Uh huh, yeah, of course.
1:29:06 Speaker 02 I love that Dylan.
1:29:07 Bill Simmons? Does, finally tries heroin and drives off a mountain, almost dies, and is in the hospital. Clayton Rohner, the doctor.
1:29:13 Speaker 02 Oh, really? See, he's been in every show.
1:29:15 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:29:16 Speaker 02 Good for him.
1:29:16 Bill Simmons? Throwing jabs at Dylan, trying to wake him up.
1:29:18 Speaker 01 He's got a real 90210 face. You know what I mean?
1:29:20 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I'm surprised he wasn't in there more. Uh, DM Waiters Award, the Trekkies?
1:29:24 Speaker 01 Yeah. Or the guy with all the animals, the reptile.
1:29:28 Bill Simmons? Oh, reptile guy?
1:29:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:29:29 Speaker 02 It's hard to pick one because Jacoby doesn't qualify and all the attention goes to him.
1:29:32 Speaker 01 But 80s nerds, I mean, we've talked about this before, but like, this era of like, what we think a nerd is, is just like such a funny capture time in a bottle.
1:29:41 Bill Simmons? Yeah, now if somebody brought reptiles in the high school, he'd probably be expelled.
1:29:45 Speaker 02 He has a lizard and a gwan in the shower.
1:29:47 Speaker 01 But it's also like Trekkies don't think they're aliens from Mars, you know what I mean? It's just sort of like, nerds were like, the Saved by the Bell nerds. Like, it's just like a different kind of thing, and it's its own like, clownery.
1:30:02 Bill Simmons? What do you have for a recasting couch director of City? Or you already did it?
1:30:05 Speaker 01 I would do City, and I would put us in like, LA.
1:30:08 Bill Simmons? Hmm. Like Santa Monica?
1:30:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, Santa Monica.
1:30:11 Bill Simmons? Okay. What do you have?
1:30:12 Speaker 02 I, for some reason in this category, my mind always goes to Fincher. I don't know why.
1:30:17 Speaker 01 David Fincher's just one of the guys?
1:30:19 Speaker 02 When Buddy finally has sex, though, he has to do it with like a blade attached to his dick. Like, it's just something absolutely disgusting and disturbing. I don't know what it is, but I always go to Fincher. I'd like to see his take on it.
1:30:28 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:30:30 Bill Simmons? I was thinking, uh, could Patrick Dempsey have also been Rick in this movie?
1:30:35 Speaker 02 Like Ronnie?
1:30:36 Bill Simmons? Yeah, like, did we need to go more nerdy where it was more rags to riches than Clayton Rohner?
1:30:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:30:41 Bill Simmons? Everyone in this movie is too old, that's another issue, except for Billy Jacoby, who's the perfect age.
1:30:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:30:47 Bill Simmons? But, um, but did we need somebody who was a more believable? Or somebody of that ilk from that era?
1:30:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:30:53 Speaker 02 I like the Dempsey call. They do more work making him a nerd. He's lawnmower boy. You know, like, that's, he's actually mowing the lawn.
1:31:00 Speaker 03 I got one.
1:31:01 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:31:02 Speaker 03 If you want to up the acting ability, just a little bit on Joyce, Sandra Bullock would be 19 when this movie came out.
1:31:08 Speaker 01 Absolutely not.
1:31:09 Speaker 03 Why not?
1:31:09 Speaker 01 Sandy can't, she can't pass as a guy.
1:31:11 Speaker 03 Miss Congeniality, what are you talking, I mean, like, she has that tomboy nature to her, that is like, I feel like she's perfect for that.
1:31:16 Speaker 01 Her features, though, like, I don't think her features.
1:31:19 Speaker 03 Pre nose job Sandra, she has it.
1:31:21 Speaker 01 A love potion number nine, Sandra.
1:31:22 Speaker 02 Allegedly.
1:31:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:31:24 Speaker 02 What about, what about, I mean, Demi's sitting right there. We know she likes the short haircut.
1:31:28 Bill Simmons? No way.
1:31:29 Speaker 01 The G I Jane.
1:31:29 Speaker 02 Twenty-two years old.
1:31:30 Bill Simmons? She definitely has the hair.
1:31:31 Speaker 01 Right off St. Almost Fire, Demi Moore.
1:31:34 Speaker 02 Come on.
1:31:35 Bill Simmons? It's pretty good. What do you have for your flex?
1:31:37 Speaker 03 I did, it's the book about metals exchange.
1:31:40 Bill Simmons? Oh, yeah, yeah.
1:31:40 Speaker 03 Sleeping with my mom's friend and no one acknowledged that.
1:31:43 Speaker 02 I'm glad you brought that up. Imagine this movie, we don't mention that.
1:31:47 Speaker 03 Isn't it, both just look at each other like, what did he just say?
1:31:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:31:50 Bill Simmons? Half-Assed Under Research, we covered most of this. Uh, the original title was I Was a Teenage Boy. Like, I think I read that.
1:31:57 Speaker 03 That was the name of the article, right?
1:31:59 Bill Simmons? We have, yes, and we talked about, uh...
1:32:01 Speaker 01 Award-winning article, Grant, please.
1:32:03 Bill Simmons? The Ralph Macchio thing, that's what they were going for.
1:32:06 Speaker 01 Right.
1:32:08 Bill Simmons? Clayton Rohner is still upset about that they didn't use his fall over the fence, that they used the stunt double, he didn't think it was good enough. He said he did one himself, that was really good.
1:32:17 Speaker 01 How many Clayton Rohner interviews did you read?
1:32:19 Bill Simmons? He did a lot of interviews.
1:32:21 Speaker 02 You know.
1:32:21 Bill Simmons? He did, really did dine on this.
1:32:23 Speaker 02 You're getting Clayton Rohner in street fights for the rest of your life.
1:32:26 Bill Simmons? He also said that every time it showed on cable, they would get 17 cents and it paid well for a while.
1:32:33 Speaker 02 Great.
1:32:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, the director said she got fat residual checks for a long time.
1:32:38 Bill Simmons? And then Paramount prevented them from being called Trekkies, the Trekkies, so they were Trekkies, but not actually saying they were Trekkies.
1:32:46 Speaker 02 Kirkland brand Trekkies. I get it, right.
1:32:48 Bill Simmons? And then Billy Jane was, was, uh, I'm just gonna read this quote. This is from like 10 years ago.
1:32:54 Speaker 02 Okay.
1:32:55 Bill Simmons? After the thing Joe saw, the whatever, when they all got together. He said, I started thinking of the sequel. We had a couple of drinks that night, got a little hammered. Now, I know I came up with a great one, but don't know if anyone wrote it down. Talking about his idea. She goes into a newspaper thing and Zapka comes back and is gonna buy out the paper. And now she has to go back undercover and do something. And the next, next thing he says is, I have three ex-wives. Like to, to basically say like, hey, I come up with weird ideas, but I'm a mess. So he ends that pitch with, I have three ex-wives.
1:33:31 Speaker 01 Okay, so.
1:33:32 Bill Simmons? Billy Jacoby.
1:33:32 Speaker 02 What a great, he's still got it.
1:33:34 Speaker 01 At that, um, panel.
1:33:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:33:37 Speaker 01 They introduce everyone before the screening.
1:33:39 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:33:39 Speaker 01 So that's on the video. He's not there. And then they do the screening and then they're like, eh, it was there. And he walks in with like a scotch in his hand, so.
1:33:48 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
1:33:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:33:49 Bill Simmons? Might have been an action-packed 30 years for him.
1:33:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, so, you know, three ex-wives and I get blackout drunk at a 30th anniversary screening.
1:33:57 Speaker 02 I've heard worse. I've heard worse.
1:33:59 Speaker 01 Milk manor time.
1:34:00 Bill Simmons? I think we might have to give him a Ringer podcast.
1:34:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jacoby.
1:34:05 Speaker 02 Jacoby and Jacoby?
1:34:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:34:06 Speaker 02 Oh.
1:34:07 Speaker 01 Jacoby versus Jacoby.
1:34:08 Speaker 02 Jacoby though, yeah, that's really good.
1:34:10 Bill Simmons? Apex Mountain, every actor in the movie and the director.
1:34:14 Speaker 01 Not Sherilyn Fenn.
1:34:16 Bill Simmons? Not Sherilyn Fenn.
1:34:17 Speaker 01 Not Sherilyn Fenn.
1:34:17 Bill Simmons? Not Sherilyn Fenn, every actor but Sherilyn Fenn.
1:34:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:34:20 Speaker 02 What's fun about the movie is there's, they're all like kinda no names. Like, there's no one coming in really where you're like, oh, that guy's carrying. I didn't know any of these people, right?
1:34:28 Speaker 01 But that's, the movie would have a different legacy if like Downey's in it. You know, Sherilyn Fenn is here, is your point, but it's like, Downey's randomly here or something like that. You're like, oh, my God, have you seen that?
1:34:38 Bill Simmons? Downey is Rick.
1:34:40 Speaker 01 Downey is Rick?
1:34:41 Bill Simmons? Hmm.
1:34:41 Speaker 01 Very different energy.
1:34:43 Bill Simmons? Different energy.
1:34:43 Speaker 02 Fine.
1:34:44 Bill Simmons? Uh, Apex Mountain, 80's high school movies. I'd love to say yes, but no. Uh, funny teenage boy characters in the 80's movies, yes. Jacoby's.
1:34:55 Speaker 03 Wait, wait, wait. Funny teenage boys? This is number one? This is the best teenage boy in an eighties movie?
1:35:00 Bill Simmons? Funniest.
1:35:01 Speaker 03 What?
1:35:02 Speaker 02 Oh, funniest?
1:35:03 Speaker 01 Have you not been listening? He loves this guy.
1:35:05 Speaker 02 He's much funnier than Ferris Bueller. Like, he's-
1:35:08 Bill Simmons? Oh, Ferris Bueller's a good one.
1:35:09 Speaker 02 But he's not funnier than Buddy. He's just, he's a cooler guy.
1:35:13 Speaker 01 I mean, I wouldn't put him at Apex Mountain, but it's just like, this is-
1:35:15 Speaker 02 He's great.
1:35:16 Speaker 01 This is Bill's thing. This is your guy.
1:35:19 Bill Simmons? Well, I love him, but I don't want to put him above Ferris.
1:35:22 Speaker 02 But in funniest, he's funnier than Ferris. Ferris is a leading man and cooler.
1:35:25 Bill Simmons? Batting average is higher.
1:35:27 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
1:35:28 Bill Simmons? Uh, what about Jacoby's? So our nominees are Jacoby Jones and the Ravens, who got the famous pass.
1:35:33 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:35:34 Bill Simmons? Dave Jacoby, Jacoby Brissette, or Jacoby Ellsbury?
1:35:38 Speaker 01 What about Jacoby, Jacoby and Myers? Or is that just like, well, yeah, the law firm?
1:35:41 Bill Simmons? Jacoby Myers?
1:35:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
1:35:42 Speaker 02 Jacoby Ellsbury was like a five tool.
1:35:45 Speaker 03 Jacoby Ellsbury's pretty good. I like that one.
1:35:47 Speaker 02 Jacoby Jones had a kick return in the Super Bowl right before the blackout for a touchdown. That's a pretty big moment, and he's no longer with us.
1:35:54 Bill Simmons? I'm gonna say Dave Jacoby.
1:35:56 Speaker 01 I will say, I will also say Dave Jacoby based on the, like, wall of text, like, all caps rants that we get from him on whatever TV show he's currently watching. Yeah.
1:36:07 Bill Simmons? Cruise or Hanks?
1:36:09 Speaker 01 It's Cruise.
1:36:10 Bill Simmons? Which part? Rick?
1:36:14 Speaker 01 Greg Tolan.
1:36:16 Speaker 02 Yeah. I'd like to see Cruise in those gloves.
1:36:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, in the gloves, lifting tables.
1:36:20 Speaker 02 Lighting that losing it era where he's making bad choices in the high school movies. I wrote down either Cruise as Zabka.
1:36:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:36:26 Speaker 02 Or I wrote Hanks as Buddy.
1:36:29 Speaker 01 True.
1:36:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:36:30 Bill Simmons? What about Hanks as Rick?
1:36:34 Speaker 02 He's, he's, Rick is dreamy. Tom Hanks is not dreamy. He's a lot of things. I think he has to be kinda dreamy.
1:36:39 Bill Simmons? You good with Cruise?
1:36:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:36:40 Bill Simmons? Okay. Scorsese or Spielberg?
1:36:42 Speaker 01 It's Scorsese.
1:36:44 Bill Simmons? Oh, Scorsese.
1:36:45 Speaker 01 I wanna see Martin Scorsese, just like you wanna see Fincher's just one of the guy. I wanna see Martin Scorsese's just one of the guys.
1:36:50 Speaker 02 I think it has to be, I can't have Spielberg close to this much sex.
1:36:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:36:54 Speaker 02 He would take Buddy, and instead of being obsessed with boobs, he'd be like, Buddy's into dinosaurs. It would suck. Like, too much sex for Spielberg.
1:37:01 Speaker 01 So for Scorsese, we're not having brewskis after school. We're doing coke.
1:37:05 Bill Simmons? Yeah, the college boyfriend's definitely doing bumps.
1:37:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
1:37:09 Bill Simmons? Yeah. He's just like, where's Terry?
1:37:12 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:37:13 Speaker 03 I appreciate all the highs, the casual high school beer drinking. Like they get home after the day like they're like a forty five year old construction worker. He's like, yeah, you want a beer?
1:37:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're not having Sunny D, we're having a brewsky.
1:37:22 Speaker 03 It's like a Tuesdays, you want a beer?
1:37:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:37:24 Speaker 02 No, I'm at soccer practice, I can't have a beer. What are you talking about? I got homework.
1:37:28 Bill Simmons? It's a brewsky. New category.
1:37:31 Speaker 02 Uh oh, here we go.
1:37:32 Bill Simmons? Best hang, worst hang. Best hang in the movie, worst hang in the movie.
1:37:36 Speaker 01 I think we know your answer for best hang.
1:37:39 Bill Simmons? I think Terry's a pretty good hang.
1:37:42 Speaker 01 When Terry comes home drunk from the cave and she sees her shitty boyfriend there and she goes, bummer.
1:37:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:37:48 Speaker 01 It's really good. She goes upstairs, she come down, she's all drunk and she's like, hey.
1:37:52 Bill Simmons? I have worst hang Terry's boyfriend.
1:37:55 Speaker 01 Kevin. Kevin who just like shows, Kevin who shows up and just drinks wine with her fifteen year old brother, who's doing his algebra homework and trying to hit on a girl.
1:38:03 Bill Simmons? This guy's deal, he's in college and he's like thirty.
1:38:06 Speaker 02 I know, I know, it's, he's a terrible character.
1:38:08 Bill Simmons? And what college is he going to? Is he going to like ASU?
1:38:11 Speaker 01 Lee, Lee McCloskey, who plays Kevin.
1:38:15 Speaker 02 You know his name.
1:38:16 Speaker 01 He has been on a bunch of soap operas, like every soap opera.
1:38:19 Speaker 02 He looks like it.
1:38:19 Speaker 01 Santa Barbara, Dallas, but also General Hospital, multiple times, Days of Our Lives. But if you go to his Wikipedia page, it's just all about how he's a visual artist. Like he has clearly done a hard edit on his own Wikipedia page. And it's all about how he's a visual artist and all of his credits. And then at the bottom, you get his like filmography.
1:38:36 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
1:38:37 Speaker 01 But it's just like a couple paragraphs of like.
1:38:39 Speaker 02 Source is not verified, I bet. It's all his ass changing it. All right, it's fine.
1:38:44 Bill Simmons? I want to see, you know, when you go to IMDb.
1:38:46 Speaker 01 He tried to bury like just one of the guys or whatever.
1:38:48 Speaker 02 And here we are talking about.
1:38:49 Speaker 01 Every other person in that movie, it's like the top of their Wikipedia. Yeah, best, known best known for this, yeah.
1:38:55 Bill Simmons? So when you go to his IMDb and they do the known for?
1:38:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:38:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:39:00 Bill Simmons? Which almost should be a category for us.
1:39:02 Speaker 02 Known for.
1:39:03 Bill Simmons? Four movies.
1:39:04 Speaker 02 Well, you remember you used to do the Hall of Fame plaque, like that was the category. Known for is basically that.
1:39:08 Bill Simmons? Cause it's basically there, it's your IMDb amount, Rushmore. So for him, it's Inferno, Star Trek Voyager, one episode. Just one of the guys and Star Trek Deep Space Nine, one episode.
1:39:19 Speaker 01 No, but see, that's the thing is like, it's with love and respect to all algorithms, no. IMDb's top four are some, because it should be Dallas. He was like a recurring on Dallas and on, and he was on a million episodes of Santa Barbara, so. I never watched those shows, but like it shouldn't be one episode of Star Trek Voyager for this guy.
1:39:36 Bill Simmons? Life Goes On, Jake and the Fat Man.
1:39:39 Speaker 03 Life Goes On, he was in?
1:39:40 Bill Simmons? Dallas, uh, Hamburger, the Motion Picture. Love Boat, five episodes, with five different Love Boat characters.
1:39:48 Speaker 01 Incredible stuff.
1:39:49 Bill Simmons? There's a fucking movie called Hamburger. Fall Guy, Heart to Heart, Buck Rogers, this guy was cranking it.
1:39:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:39:55 Bill Simmons? Great job by him.
1:39:57 Speaker 01 Great job by Lee McCloskey.
1:39:59 Bill Simmons? Picking Nets, here we go. So why was Terry with the college guy? What was it about him?
1:40:05 Speaker 01 Oh, status, right?
1:40:08 Bill Simmons? Just he had a car?
1:40:09 Speaker 01 Why was, why was?
1:40:10 Bill Simmons? Why didn't she date like the quarterback?
1:40:11 Speaker 01 Why was Elle Woods with her shitty boyfriend at the beginning of Legally Blonde?
1:40:14 Speaker 03 I bet you they were dating when she was a junior, he was a senior.
1:40:16 Bill Simmons? You think he went to that high school?
1:40:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:40:18 Bill Simmons? You think he went to her high school?
1:40:19 Speaker 03 I do, yeah.
1:40:19 Speaker 01 But I actually think she was like a freshman and he was a senior, right? You know, like that.
1:40:23 Bill Simmons? Well, listen, she's sophisticated and smart. Yeah, or a sixth grader. Everything's in play with this movie. With this movie, you don't know.
1:40:33 Bill Simmons? All right, we gotta talk about it. So Terry, it's April, senior year.
1:40:38 Speaker 01 It's like two weeks.
1:40:38 Bill Simmons? Nobody's talking about college. And she just leaves school.
1:40:43 Speaker 01 For two weeks and enrolls in a different school.
1:40:45 Bill Simmons? And goes to the other high school, which by the way, seems like it's about four minutes away from this high school. Nobody knows her, nobody in the other high school knows her, even though she's obviously one of the most attractive person, the other high school.
1:40:59 Bill Simmons? Is a guy, just enrolls right away, takes classes, is there for two weeks, and then leaves and just goes back to the other high school? Yeah, how does she register at the attendance office?
1:41:10 Speaker 03 Maybe just skip gym, you know, you don't have to go.
1:41:12 Bill Simmons? Yeah, who cares? What are they gonna do?
1:41:13 Speaker 01 Do you feel like they should have made Buddy like a Ferris Bueller-esque, like, I can change the school records from my computer at home kind of guy?
1:41:21 Bill Simmons? Don't the parents have to sign off if you're? Of course, all of that. She just makes it seem like she's, um, you know, like switching tires or something.
1:41:30 Speaker 01 It's preposterous.
1:41:31 Bill Simmons? So it's really about as-
1:41:32 Speaker 02 She treats it like she's going to a different mall in the next town. Like, you can't do that.
1:41:35 Bill Simmons? Now granted, we're in a world where the movies that came out just in this vicinity, Breakfast Club, Meli Westevez shatters all the glass by screaming when they're dancing in the gymnasium. Weird Science, they make a girl out of a computer. It's not, it's not like we were realistic all over the place here. Ferris Bueller, nothing that happened. Ferris Bueller's leading the-
1:41:56 Speaker 02 He's on the parade.
1:41:57 Bill Simmons? Twist and shout parade. So it's like, we were bending it here.
1:42:00 Speaker 02 We're all thinking it when we're watching it. Like, hold on, how does she get registered at that school? That doesn't make sense.
1:42:04 Speaker 01 She needs a hacker friend. One singular hacker friend.
1:42:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, the hacker friend. Nine times that scene where Ferris changes, that's what you're talking about. Yeah.
1:42:13 Bill Simmons? Why did Buddy dime her out to the boyfriend? He comes and he's like, I'm gonna kill you. And she's like, alright, I'm gonna tell you, but you gotta take me. Like, he's been so loyal to helping her with the story and then he just folds.
1:42:25 Speaker 01 No, but he likes chaos, because sometimes, like, he just let Sherilyn Fenn in. You know what I mean? Like, he likes some-
1:42:29 Bill Simmons? So he knows there's dressed up girls at the prom and just wants to go, basically?
1:42:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, because notice, he shows up to the prom in his tuxedo t-shirt.
1:42:35 Speaker 01 Oh, my god.
1:42:36 Speaker 02 Like, he's fishing a barrel there. But also Kevin's like, you can tell me now or tell me in the hospital. Like, it's a pretty big threat. So I think Billy, or Buddy, finally, finally folds.
1:42:45 Bill Simmons? Okay.
1:42:45 Speaker 02 Great line delivery there on Kevin, too.
1:42:47 Speaker 01 I love when he was like, she's like, telling away in the car. He's like, I've tried that. He doesn't enjoy waiting in cars.
1:42:52 Speaker 02 There's a whole comedy with that.
1:42:53 Bill Simmons? What other nitpicks do you have?
1:42:54 Speaker 02 Um, I, I understand that they're trying to make Terry thoughtful and intellectual. There's no high school senior girl who has a giant poster of Ernest Hemingway on her wall. What are we doing here? It, it has huge, huge scenery. It's like one of these places, Bill. One of these posters here, but huge. And Hemingway looks pissed and like, old and bald. Like, it's just, it's a terrible, terrible poster. Terrible.
1:43:17 Speaker 01 I agree. And that wouldn't be Terry's idol, anyway.
1:43:19 Bill Simmons? You would have in-
1:43:20 Speaker 01 She mentions Woodward and Bernstein. Like, could we have a Woodward and Bernstein poster?
1:43:24 Bill Simmons? Springsteen, you would have Duran Duran, you would have-
1:43:26 Speaker 02 She has all that shit.
1:43:27 Bill Simmons? That's it would be all that stuff.
1:43:29 Speaker 02 This is also Apex Mountain right now for like, high school posters. Like, Ferris famously has the Simple Minds poster. It's so cool. Come on, with the Hemingway. Enough, enough.
1:43:37 Bill Simmons? Yeah, Weird Science, we had that, too. They were good posters.
1:43:39 Speaker 02 Great posters.
1:43:41 Bill Simmons? Uh, anything for you, nitpicks?
1:43:43 Speaker 01 Uh, beyond the entire premise of the movie, no.
1:43:47 Bill Simmons? Nobody from the other high school knowing Terry is a kind of a good, a good net.
1:43:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:43:53 Bill Simmons? I just feel like she's, this is not, she's not in like Phoenix.
1:43:58 Speaker 01 Like Sherwin Fen trailed her, we don't know for how long, right?
1:44:03 Speaker 02 But the people at the other school, they do know Terry, but they, Terry is a girl to them. They buy completely that this is some dude. They don't think it's.
1:44:10 Bill Simmons? But wouldn't the people in her high school be like, where's Terry? Has she been kidnapped?
1:44:15 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:44:15 Speaker 01 Do you think her teachers would be like, do you think her teacher was like, you should be a model is like, huh? I wonder if it was because I said, you should be a model. And she just disappeared for the next two weeks.
1:44:24 Bill Simmons? Terry went to do porn in California. She's gone. Uh, sequel, prequel, prestige, TBL, Black Cast, Untouchable. Clearly this is an untouchable.
1:44:32 Speaker 01 Uh, do you know about Just One of the Girls?
1:44:35 Speaker 02 No.
1:44:36 Speaker 01 So there's a direct to video, uh, Corey Haim and Nicole Egert film.
1:44:42 Speaker 02 All right. You got my attention.
1:44:43 Bill Simmons? How did I not see this?
1:44:44 Speaker 01 Called Just One of the Girls, and then it was renamed Anything for Love. But it's not a like actual, but he, Corey Haim dresses as a girl.
1:44:52 Speaker 02 A girl.
1:44:53 Speaker 01 To be on the cheerleading team, I think it is, or something like that.
1:44:55 Bill Simmons? I think I blocked this out of my mind.
1:44:56 Speaker 02 And he gets with Nicole Egert again?
1:44:58 Bill Simmons? I feel like I've seen this.
1:44:59 Speaker 02 Blown Away, that's that, that type of era.
1:45:00 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
1:45:01 Speaker 02 I've never heard of this movie.
1:45:02 Speaker 01 1993, direct to video, Just One of the Girls. Um.
1:45:07 Bill Simmons? Direct to video, Say No More.
1:45:09 Speaker 01 Yes, direct to video, Corey Haim, 1993, Say No More.
1:45:12 Bill Simmons? Well, Blown Away, which is pretty pushed in the envelope.
1:45:16 Speaker 02 Not the Tommy Lee Jones one.
1:45:17 Bill Simmons? No, that one.
1:45:18 Speaker 02 The other one.
1:45:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:45:18 Speaker 02 My favorite, the superior one.
1:45:20 Bill Simmons? A Corey Feldman performance that is in the running for one of the funniest performances anyone's ever done in a movie.
1:45:25 Speaker 01 Nicole Egert the queen of direct, of, is Nicole Egert?
1:45:28 Bill Simmons? He is out of his mind in that movie.
1:45:31 Speaker 01 Is there anyone in the nineties more direct to video than Nicole Egert? Like?
1:45:35 Bill Simmons? Corey Haim.
1:45:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, Nicole Egert is one of my goats.
1:45:38 Speaker 01 But she was like, the.
1:45:38 Speaker 02 One of my goats.
1:45:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, the queen of the direct to video.
1:45:41 Bill Simmons? I almost want you to watch Blown Away with Corey Haim and Nicole Egert.
1:45:45 Speaker 01 We'll fire it up.
1:45:46 Bill Simmons? It's gotta be, first of all, it has to be on Tubi.
1:45:49 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:45:49 Bill Simmons? Um, I watched an entire movie the other night with. Helen Slater from Legend of Billie Jean.
1:45:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:45:56 Speaker 01 Supergirl.
1:45:57 Bill Simmons? Billie Zane.
1:45:59 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
1:46:00 Bill Simmons? And it was, it was like, and there was one other person in it, but it was like, Billie Zane is a doctor. And she falls for him, but bad stuff started. It's basically like a Lifetime movie.
1:46:10 Speaker 02 You watched the whole thing.
1:46:11 Bill Simmons? And it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. And it was written by Robbie Benson and his wife.
1:46:16 Speaker 02 Ah.
1:46:17 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:46:17 Speaker 01 The voice of the beast himself?
1:46:19 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:46:19 Speaker 01 Robbie Benson?
1:46:20 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:46:20 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:46:21 Bill Simmons? And it was.
1:46:22 Speaker 02 Look at you.
1:46:23 Bill Simmons? It was just really, really terrible. I just wanna point that out. Uh, is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins or forty other people? Kyle always has something here.
1:46:31 Speaker 02 I struggled really hard.
1:46:32 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:46:33 Speaker 02 I was trying to find one.
1:46:34 Speaker 01 I have.
1:46:34 Speaker 02 You know what happened?
1:46:35 Speaker 01 What happened?
1:46:36 Speaker 02 And I listened to the What Lies Beneath podcast.
1:46:38 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:46:38 Speaker 02 And C R gave us Fergie the florist. And I'm like, I fucking love this. I think Fergie the florist is the editor of the newspaper. And this, and the, the article is so successful that he wants her to do another one. And she's like, no, I'm not doing that anymore. And he looks at her and he goes, you're gonna do this for me? Or I'm gonna clip your tits like I clipped your mummy? If there's a heaven, Terry, she ain't in it. So fucking, I, C R, thank you so much for bringing Fergie the florist to this pod. I'm laughing out loud, listening to him do What Lies Beneath. And I had nothing for this category. And this is one of my categories. And I'm like, fucking Fergie is the editor, just cutting roses and grading papers and doing newspapers. And he wants her to do it again. And that's why Terry's mom is gone. She's actually in deep with Fergie the florist.
1:47:23 Speaker 02 She's been a whole, the terrible thing that happened. That's what I want.
1:47:26 Bill Simmons? I thought for sure you were gonna go Tony Romo there. Well, Jim, she's gonna try to be a guy in another high school, but it's gonna be hard, Jim. See if she can do it. Uh, just one Oscar, who gets it? Not only is Billy Jacoby the answer.
1:47:42 Speaker 01 Of course.
1:47:42 Bill Simmons? I looked at the best actor in a supporting role.
1:47:44 Speaker 02 I did.
1:47:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:47:45 Speaker 02 Fuck, yes.
1:47:46 Bill Simmons? Don Amici wins for Cocoon.
1:47:49 Bill Simmons? We have William Hickey for Pritzy's Honor.
1:47:51 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:47:52 Bill Simmons? Robert Loggia for Jagged Edge. I can't, how does he get nominated for that? Have you seen Jagged Edge?
1:47:56 Speaker 02 Loggia. No, I've not seen Jagged Edge.
1:47:59 Bill Simmons? Eric Roberts for Runaway Train and Klaus Maria Brandauer for Out of Africa. I feel like that category is wide open.
1:48:05 Speaker 02 When's the Pritzy's Honor pod? When are we doing that?
1:48:07 Speaker 01 I would love to do Pritzy's Honor, but by the way. Cocoon, put some respect on Cocoon.
1:48:14 Bill Simmons? Yeah, Cocoon's good.
1:48:14 Speaker 02 Of course, but I just, you know, my guy.
1:48:17 Bill Simmons? Donnemici winning is.
1:48:19 Speaker 01 Donnemici winning is, that felt like a career win, though. Thanks for your service, Donnemici. Here's an Oscar.
1:48:24 Bill Simmons? Unanswerable questions. So she goes back to the other high school.
1:48:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:48:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:48:31 Bill Simmons? They let her, like, make up her work? Like, how does that, how does that part work?
1:48:34 Speaker 01 I mean, as far as I can tell, the only class she went to is PE, so I don't know. But she's so smart. She's a really good journalist, so I'm sure she could just, just crush it.
1:48:46 Speaker 02 Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a boy?
1:48:50 Speaker 01 Oh, really tough.
1:48:51 Speaker 02 Go back and see that lead. If you really like this movie, it's horrific.
1:48:54 Speaker 01 Really tough. Carrie Bradshaw would never.
1:48:56 Bill Simmons? Any other, any other unanswered ones?
1:48:59 Speaker 01 No.
1:49:00 Bill Simmons? Okay. What piece of memorabilia would you want or not want?
1:49:03 Speaker 02 Billy's, Billy's Apo-Bully and gloves. I want them so fucking bad. Bill, you go through those websites sometimes. If you find those gloves, can you please get them for me?
1:49:13 Bill Simmons? I had Greg Tolan's fight gloves.
1:49:14 Speaker 02 Come on, baby.
1:49:15 Bill Simmons? So after the movie, I had to ask my son, what should be my answer for this category? And he's like, what do you mean? The gloves. I couldn't believe I even asked.
1:49:24 Speaker 02 They're so great.
1:49:25 Speaker 01 I'm going with the tube socks, though. I think it's the, if you were like, these are the tube socks.
1:49:29 Bill Simmons? Probably would wash them.
1:49:30 Speaker 01 From just one of the guys. The tube socks.
1:49:33 Speaker 02 And they're, like, they're huge. The biggest tube socks I've ever seen.
1:49:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:49:37 Bill Simmons? Coach Finstock Award, which is now the Coach Finstock Mr. Miyagi Award for best or worst life lesson. I, I went with, it's okay to transfer schools, dress up like a boy and ruin multiple lives just to win a newspaper contest would be the lesson. I don't know if that's a good one or a bad one.
1:49:54 Speaker 01 Whose life was ruined?
1:49:58 Speaker 01 Don't you feel like everyone had some personal growth?
1:50:00 Bill Simmons? I would say Greg Tolan's life might, might have been ruined.
1:50:02 Speaker 01 I think he got back together with Deborah.
1:50:04 Bill Simmons? You think he got back together with the prom queen?
1:50:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:50:07 Speaker 02 I think, I think, I think Bruce Springsteen's life was ruined because he lost it to Warren Beatty after this movie. And he's never going back.
1:50:12 Speaker 01 Tough.
1:50:13 Bill Simmons? Yeah, that's true.
1:50:16 Bill Simmons? Well, I was, because I just saw that Bruce Springsteen movie. With The Bear.
1:50:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:50:21 Bill Simmons? When he plays Short Bruce Springsteen.
1:50:23 Speaker 01 Starring The Bear. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:50:25 Speaker 02 I was a...
1:50:25 Bill Simmons? Tiny Bruce Springsteen.
1:50:28 Bill Simmons? He's Tiny Bruce.
1:50:29 Speaker 01 The Bear himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:50:31 Bill Simmons? But it's all about how he wrote Nebraska, but he was dating our girl Joyce during this allegedly from the research, not in the movie.
1:50:39 Speaker 02 No one plays Joyce in the Bruce Springsteen movies?
1:50:40 Bill Simmons? Nobody plays Joyce.
1:50:41 Speaker 02 That'd be awesome.
1:50:41 Bill Simmons? Nobody plays Joyce.
1:50:42 Speaker 02 I'm not seeing it. I just, I think that the, in this movie, the coach Vince, like, the gym coach, the bowler guy is like store brand Coach Finstock, like, he's kind of doing some of the same thing. But, I mean, listen, horny will kick embarrassment's ass anytime, like, sew that on a pillow. Like, that's incredible.
1:50:56 Bill Simmons? Yeah, you're right. That's the best lesson.
1:50:58 Speaker 01 Can I offer mine? All balls itch. It's a fact.
1:51:02 Speaker 02 Fucking awesome.
1:51:04 Bill Simmons? That is a good life lesson.
1:51:05 Speaker 01 It's just important to know.
1:51:06 Bill Simmons? What do you have for double feature choice? Would you go see The Man?
1:51:10 Speaker 01 We have the same, don't we?
1:51:11 Speaker 02 I think, I think we do.
1:51:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, we do. It's Soul Man.
1:51:15 Speaker 02 Here we go. We finally landed on Soul Man.
1:51:17 Speaker 01 It's C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man.
1:51:19 Bill Simmons? Van's been pushing for Soul Man for a while.
1:51:22 Speaker 01 The deeply problematic things you do for academic pursuits.
1:51:25 Bill Simmons? I don't even think it's streaming.
1:51:27 Speaker 02 It can't be.
1:51:28 Speaker 01 They buried it.
1:51:29 Bill Simmons? I think it's one of those where C. Thomas Howell's like, I'm gonna use half of my savings to get rid of this. Yeah.
1:51:34 Speaker 02 Can I tell you something else? Years ago, I got to meet C. Thomas Howell. We met him on a TV show. Comes down as a guest, and Nate Burleson and I at the time were like, oh my god, this, we gotta talk to you about Soul Man off the air, because like, holy shit.
1:51:46 Speaker 01 Right.
1:51:47 Speaker 02 And he was obviously like, kind of embarrassed and down, but he's like, I will tell you one thing. Everybody in that fucking town wanted that role, and every single actor of my age fought for it and wanted it, and when I got that role, it was a huge, huge deal. And then it became what it became. But he was, he kind of shook his head a little bit, but did make the point that like, I got it, but all these other guys who don't get asked about that movie wanted it badly, and guys who are still major movie stars to this day. So I kind of respected that.
1:52:14 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I will just say that I believe Comedy Central legitimately did do double feature, so, like, because Soul Man ran on Comedy Central in the 90s. Like, it wasn't...
1:52:24 Speaker 02 I had this written down too. Craig, do you know what Soul Man is? Do you know the premise? The blackface movie? Yes. Yeah, that's all I know about it. C. Thomas Howell needs a scholarship.
1:52:31 Bill Simmons? I don't think Blackface movie is giving enough credit.
1:52:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:52:34 Bill Simmons? I mean, that's like just skipping over.
1:52:36 Speaker 02 It's harsh. Because we were doing, we're doing a lot of body swap, right? And then in this movie, we do a gender swap.
1:52:41 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
1:52:42 Speaker 02 And then they're like, just fuck it, full race swap.
1:52:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:52:44 Speaker 02 And it's, it's, Julie Louis-Dreyfus is in it.
1:52:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:52:47 Speaker 02 James Earl Jones is like the air.
1:52:48 Bill Simmons? Ray Donson.
1:52:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, Ray Donson, it's like, it's a disaster.
1:52:51 Bill Simmons? I saw it in the theater.
1:52:53 Speaker 02 You did, you went and saw it? I mean, I think a lot of people did.
1:52:55 Bill Simmons? I mean, I saw everything in the theater, but yeah, it was, it was.
1:52:58 Speaker 01 My only other.
1:52:59 Bill Simmons? The trailer was good for it. It was like, people were like, oh, this will be really funny.
1:53:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:53:04 Bill Simmons? It's like.
1:53:04 Speaker 01 My only other non, if, if, if C. Thomas Howell has successfully destroyed every copy of Soul Man.
1:53:11 Speaker 02 I know. Such a good.
1:53:13 Speaker 01 What about Summer School? Mark Harmon, Summer School. I love that movie.
1:53:17 Speaker 02 Summer School's fantastic. Love it.
1:53:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:53:19 Speaker 02 Mr. Shoop?
1:53:19 Bill Simmons? That's on your list.
1:53:20 Speaker 02 Chainsaw and Bob, it is on my list, yeah.
1:53:22 Speaker 01 You know, like, I was thinking about like the, the Trekkie nerds and stuff like that. Like, it's just very like Summer School.
1:53:27 Speaker 02 Chainsaw and Dave.
1:53:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:53:29 Bill Simmons? I had Can't Buy Me Love. Cause it takes us from one side of the mid eighties to the other. We go from eighty five to eighty seven with basically the same kind of premise. And then Can't Buy Me Love, eighties movies end with Can't Buy Me Love. Then we move into the late eighties and it just gets different and weird.
1:53:45 Speaker 02 And it's come up a lot on this pod. I, I broke the rule of this category. I'm just gonna do a quadruple feature because.
1:53:50 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:53:51 Bill Simmons? Oh.
1:53:51 Speaker 02 In April of eighty five, all four of these movies were in theaters at the same time. Just One of the Guys, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, which I love.
1:53:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:53:59 Speaker 02 The Sure Thing and The Breakfast Club. That's in April of eighty five.
1:54:03 Bill Simmons? Wow. See, this is why my generation.
1:54:05 Speaker 02 Imagine that.
1:54:06 Speaker 01 One thing that they love to brag about, uh, the people who made this film is that when it came out, there was no ad money for it from Columbia.
1:54:13 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:54:13 Speaker 01 Cause they put all their money behind the John Travolta disaster, Perfect. Um, and Perfect absolutely tanked. And Just One of the Guys didn't do super well, but it like won the box office. And they were like, Columbia did not support us at all. They put all their money on this shitty John Travolta movie and it failed and we won. So that's their bragging rights. We beat Perfect.
1:54:34 Speaker 02 Is Perfect the one where he's doing the aerobics?
1:54:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, the, the thrusting.
1:54:37 Speaker 02 Great gifts on Perfect.
1:54:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:54:39 Bill Simmons? When you call him perfect, shitty really hurt my feelings.
1:54:41 Speaker 01 I'm so sorry, Bill.
1:54:43 Bill Simmons? I don't. He's a journalist again, right? Just like this movie. I think it's, it's another drama that's now a comedy movie.
1:54:51 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:54:52 Bill Simmons? It's in the regarding Henry area.
1:54:54 Speaker 01 Okay, well, I love, I love and defend regarding Henry, so I will stand with you on this.
1:54:58 Bill Simmons? It's now a hilarious movie to re-watch, and it has one of the funniest closing credit sequences that they didn't realize was funny. It's each of them doing aerobics and they show them one at a time and they're doing this. Doing this online. Yeah, it's, it's like.
1:55:10 Speaker 01 What's the premise?
1:55:11 Bill Simmons? It's not, it's unironic.
1:55:13 Speaker 01 What's the premise in Perfect that matches the premise of Regarding Henry, which is having a traumatic brain injury can make you nice?
1:55:20 Bill Simmons? Mm-hmm.
1:55:20 Speaker 01 Which is the premise of one of my favorite Harrison Ford films, Regarding Henry.
1:55:24 Bill Simmons? In Perfect, I haven't seen it in a while, but he falls in love with Jamie Lee Curtis, who's an aerobic instructor, who blew the whistle on like her swimming coach. And then wanted to like live a peaceful life as an aerobics instructor. Travolta is doing a thing about aerobics. Mm-hmm. It's a new single scene, right? For Rolling, as the new single scene. Rolling Stone decides this isn't sexy enough, we need more, what about this girl? And they put the whole sex scandal thing in there, in it. He doesn't know about it and he ends up, she, her life gets destroyed. And that's kind of the movie. Okay.
1:56:00 Speaker 01 With a lot of like uncomfortable eye contact and pressing.
1:56:04 Bill Simmons? Yon Winter, who's playing himself. Really?
1:56:06 Speaker 01 Yon Winter plays himself in that movie?
1:56:08 Bill Simmons? Yon Winter plays himself.
1:56:08 Speaker 01 Okay, I'll watch, I'm in, I'm in.
1:56:10 Bill Simmons? Drama that's now comedy.
1:56:11 Speaker 01 I'm in, you got it.
1:56:12 Bill Simmons? Yon Winter has lines.
1:56:13 Speaker 01 Just when I thought it was out.
1:56:14 Bill Simmons? And then at the end, well, it has one of those things where they write the scene and they take his notes and they write a much worse story about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and it's really mean, so then it has all the people reading the story and getting bummed out.
1:56:27 Speaker 01 Right.
1:56:27 Bill Simmons? And then he feels bad about that, Jamie Lee Curtis won't talk to him. It's really bad. Like, it's like career, like Travolta's career wasn't the same for nine years after the movie. Jesus. It bombed, like, it was it, he bombed. And the credits, it's like, like Predator credits, like, what the hell is this that I'm watching? And it's also like Rolling Stone thinking this, this would be good for us, we should do this and Yon is gonna be in it. This is like why the eighties were so great. We, everyone was just doing cocaine and coming up with bad ideas. Who won the movie?
1:56:57 Speaker 02 Billy Jacoby.
1:56:58 Speaker 01 Billy Jacoby.
1:56:59 Bill Simmons? I think Billy Jacoby.
1:57:00 Speaker 02 And Warren Beatty.
1:57:03 Bill Simmons? Here we go.
1:57:04 Speaker 03 I think Bill said before we started recording, Craig, if you don't like this movie, I'm making you leave my house immediately.
1:57:09 Speaker 02 Go on.
1:57:09 Speaker 03 Look, I can respect time and place. I can respect fourteen-year-old horny Kyle and Bill.
1:57:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:57:17 Speaker 03 Loving this and there's no internet in nineteen eighty-five or nineteen ninety, wherever you saw this movie and it meant a lot to you. And that's what you took with it for the rest of your life. And now you look back on it fondly. I like the movie Accepted. I don't think there's any nudity in that movie, but Joanna thought it's terrible, but I saw it when I was twelve.
1:57:33 Speaker 01 I just had to get one, the movie you love is terrible in, Craig. I owe you.
1:57:38 Speaker 03 What do you want me to say?
1:57:40 Speaker 01 He was never, he was never gonna like this movie.
1:57:42 Speaker 03 I did.
1:57:43 Bill Simmons? Was Liz horrified?
1:57:44 Speaker 03 We both thought it was terrible.
1:57:47 Speaker 02 When Craig starts his dissertation with, "Look," you're fucked. You're fucked.
1:57:51 Speaker 01 No.
1:57:51 Speaker 02 Craig, I don't even blame you. You weren't there.
1:57:54 Speaker 03 And I think that's just what it is. It has to be that way. There's a generational, there's generational blinders on and it's meant to be that way. That's the point.
1:58:02 Bill Simmons? What did you think about the reveal scene? Were you surprised?
1:58:05 Speaker 03 Yeah. What's funny is ten seconds before it, in that scene, I was like, whip them out. Like, that's the only way you're gonna convince them.
1:58:12 Speaker 02 Do it.
1:58:12 Speaker 03 And she literally did it. Liz and I were like, oh, my God.
1:58:16 Speaker 02 Wow, you called the shot.
1:58:17 Speaker 03 I yelled, whip them out.
1:58:18 Speaker 01 I think you're gonna, I think you're gonna think about it for a long time and it's gonna grow on you.
1:58:22 Speaker 03 I mean, if she's wearing a bra in that scene or if it's shot from behind, this movie is completely irrelevant, right?
1:58:27 Speaker 01 I think that's right.
1:58:28 Bill Simmons? Except for Billy Jacoby's award-winning performance.
1:58:31 Speaker 01 Did you, did you enjoy Billy Jacoby?
1:58:34 Speaker 03 No, I thought he was terrible.
1:58:36 Speaker 02 Really?
1:58:37 Speaker 03 Across the board, they're all bad in this movie.
1:58:38 Speaker 01 Here's what I'll say.
1:58:39 Speaker 03 Zabka's good. I actually think he's good.
1:58:41 Speaker 01 Does Zabka's good?
1:58:41 Speaker 03 I think Zabka's good.
1:58:42 Speaker 02 Interesting.
1:58:44 Speaker 03 I think everyone else is rough.
1:58:45 Speaker 02 You thought Jacoby, like, you didn't think, like, the horniest character ever was funny?
1:58:49 Speaker 03 No, I just thought, I think there's a certain cheesiness that some of these eighties movies have, that the line delivery, like, I think all three of you delivered every line from the movie way better than any character.
1:58:58 Speaker 01 Um, here's my prediction, Bill. There's never going to be a movie that Kyle and I both want to do.
1:59:04 Speaker 03 I like sneakers.
1:59:06 Speaker 01 That Craig is gonna like.
1:59:06 Speaker 03 I like sneakers.
1:59:07 Speaker 01 You didn't like sneakers.
1:59:08 Speaker 03 I liked it enough.
1:59:09 Speaker 01 Don't rewrite history.
1:59:10 Speaker 02 Don't indulge us, Horrible.
1:59:11 Speaker 01 Don't rewrite history, Craig.
1:59:12 Speaker 02 This movie, a hundred minutes, right? A hundred minutes?
1:59:13 Speaker 03 A hundred minutes.
1:59:14 Speaker 02 Craig, you know that now that like you have changed me that I used to go and look at a movie.
1:59:17 Bill Simmons? I forgot to put Century Club in there.
1:59:18 Speaker 03 It was exactly a hundred minutes.
1:59:19 Speaker 02 Hundred minutes.
1:59:20 Bill Simmons? That should have been your flex.
1:59:21 Speaker 02 I used to look at the Rotten Tomatoes rating. Now, the first thing I look at is the runtime of the movie.
1:59:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:59:25 Speaker 02 I call it the Beck effect. And it's like, you have changed the way I look at movies, dude. It's unbelievable.
1:59:30 Speaker 03 Runtime box office, yeah. It's what you gotta do. I also thought Terry, Liz and I were both like, Terry looks like Michael Jackson in this movie.
1:59:38 Speaker 02 Terry looks like Michael Jackson?
1:59:39 Speaker 03 Yes.
1:59:39 Speaker 02 Late stage speed racer, Michael Jackson?
1:59:41 Speaker 03 No, boy Terry looks like a young, white Michael Jackson.
1:59:46 Speaker 02 I mean, I'm trying to make it work.
1:59:48 Speaker 03 And we couldn't stop seeing it. She's in the loose tie, which we never talked about. Why is she in a tie the whole movie?
1:59:53 Speaker 02 You guys were at home talking, saying that Terry's like Michael Jackson?
1:59:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:59:55 Speaker 01 Elvis Costello, she's doing Costello.
1:59:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, they did say that, Elvis Costello. I don't know.
1:59:59 Bill Simmons? I'd be interested to see what the public thinks of this choice of a movie. I know I was excited for it.
2:00:04 Speaker 03 Kyle just brought it up, sure thing. I love, that's my favorite movie we did in 2025, a sure thing. Came out a month before this. Thought it was fantastic.
2:00:12 Speaker 01 Bill, everyone's gonna be so baffled why we did this movie. You know that to be true.
2:00:15 Bill Simmons? You think?
2:00:17 Speaker 02 I heard the people at Netflix weren't in unless you did, just one of the guys.
2:00:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:00:20 Speaker 02 Like, Bill, we love the pod, but you gotta do it.
2:00:22 Speaker 01 Oh, the corrupting influence of Ted Sarandos.
2:00:25 Bill Simmons? By the way, this is why we snuck it in right before, right before the Netflix move, right?
2:00:29 Speaker 03 My generation has been robbed of, like, Kyle, you saying that this was the first time you saw boobs?
2:00:33 Speaker 02 Ever.
2:00:34 Speaker 03 And it was like on the big screen, you like trying to pause it. I don't, I don't have a memory of the first time I, you know what I mean? It's just like, somebody like pulled up some weird website on their iPod touch and showed me it. And I was like, okay.
2:00:45 Bill Simmons? I have some good news for this movie, by the way. Bill, on Tubi.
2:00:49 Speaker 02 Awesome.
2:00:49 Bill Simmons? Tubi, Tubi. Of course they have it.
2:00:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:00:53 Speaker 03 It's right next to Legend of Billie Jean on Tubi.
2:00:55 Speaker 02 Is that true? I was on my flight yesterday watching it on Tubi.
2:00:58 Speaker 01 Kyle, Kyle Tubied on a plane. I've never Tubied on a plane.
2:01:01 Speaker 02 The Delta wifi worked great, it was no problem at all.
2:01:03 Speaker 03 We should start doing polls. We should do, I wanna do generational polls. I wish I could like see the age, like when this flips.
2:01:09 Speaker 01 The demographics?
2:01:10 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:01:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:01:11 Speaker 03 You know what I mean? I, I think I'm on the right side of history. I think if I took anybody under 35 and had them watch this movie for the first time, I feel confident they would side with me. But maybe I'm wrong.
2:01:19 Bill Simmons? I think that's fair.
2:01:20 Speaker 01 I think that's true.
2:01:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:01:21 Speaker 01 I don't disagree. There was no way you were ever gonna like this movie. And I'm not mad at you.
2:01:27 Bill Simmons? It's a moment in time.
2:01:29 Bill Simmons? Well, next week's movie is a little more highly regarded. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
2:01:33 Speaker 01 It's regarding Henry?
2:01:34 Bill Simmons? No. Oh, I thought that was the choice of words. Well, we have one more. Yeah, right, right, right. Oh, yeah, we, there's one more we gotta squeeze in and then we have the first Netflix one's gonna be a big one. One more pre Netflix squeeze in.
2:01:44 Speaker 01 One more, what are you doing, Bill?
2:01:46 Bill Simmons? No, it's, it's. You might as well just tease it. It's gonna be on Wednesday. We're, we're doing another, Van and Chris and I are doing another 48 Hours. It's a special, uh. Awesome. It's, it's the sequel that frustrates me the most and I've seen it.
2:02:00 Speaker 01 Should you call this What the Hell, January?
2:02:02 Bill Simmons? Hmm. Dumpuary. Well, it's.
2:02:04 Speaker 01 Dumpuary, yeah, yeah, yeah.
2:02:05 Bill Simmons? 48 Hours your favorite movie, right? The original? It's, well, yeah, it's probably the one I've seen the most. Yeah, yeah. And then the sequel I was incredibly excited about and it just, it's so frustrating. So we're gonna talk about how frustrated we were. Okay. That'll be Wednesday's rewatchable. I was hoping for the, the re Devil Wears Prada, like when's that? Cause I'm, I'm ready for that too, baby. We just watched it. Ben had never seen it. Um, and it was fascinating that I made it number one on my most rewatchables list and we watched it. He thought it was a good movie. It is.
2:02:34 Speaker 01 It's a great movie.
2:02:35 Bill Simmons? It's, I think, appeals to all people. Yeah, I don't know anybody who doesn't like that movie.
2:02:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:02:39 Bill Simmons? Yeah. Vinnie Chase too. There's all kinds of stuff to talk about. Yeah. Uh, I don't know what happened to you. Will you have a career? I don't know. He's kinda like, uh, Terry in this movie playing a guy. Is he a chef in Devil Wears Prada?
2:02:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:02:53 Bill Simmons? Yeah, there's one point he asked Anne Hathaway for a person.
2:02:54 Speaker 01 He made her grilled cheese and he's like really mad.
2:02:58 Bill Simmons? Joanna, pleasure. Kyle, great seeing you personally as always. Thank you for my T-shirt. Of course.
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