Wrestling Nerves: The Moth Podcast

Nerves. That feeling you get when you’re standing at the precipice of something big. On this episode, we’ll be visiting two moments of high anxiety, the day of a big work presentation, and the day of a high school wrestling match. This episode was hosted by Suzanne Rust. Storytellers: Chris Bell discovers the reason he’s feeling so tired. Craig Gudorf has to gain a few pounds before a wrestling match. Podcast # 979

• 0:04Speaker 00

  Welcome to The Moth. I'm Suzanne Rust. Nerves, anxiety, that feeling you get when you're standing at the precipice of something big. Whatever you want to call it, we've all felt it and we've all had to push through it. On this episode, we'll be visiting two moments of high anxiety: the day of a big work presentation and the day of a high school wrestling match. So we're wrestling with nerves, both literally and metaphorically. First up is Chris Bell, who told this story at a Boston Story Slam where the theme was backfired. Here's Chris, live at The Moth.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  I'm slouched at my kitchen table. It feels like I have an iron spike lodged in my forehead. This is the fifth day and I can't seem to get rid of this sickness. I just want to crawl in bed and cancel my life for an entire month, but I know I can't. So I take a bite of an everything bagel.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  And I can feel the crunchy seasoning on my tongue, but I can't taste the thing. Even my morning coffee isn't giving me the same kick, so I think I should just quit and keep that promise I made to my wife for years. But I know I can't deal with caffeine withdrawals and when I'm already worn down, so not today. Today's too important. See, six months ago, I came up with a business idea, and my boss liked it so much that he wanted me to present it at the next big meeting. So for months, I've been working to perfect this presentation, and today's the day. If this goes well, it could mean a promotion, and that would be huge for both me and my

• 1:52Speaker 01

  family. So my plan is simple: get to work early, review my notes, and mentally prepare to knock this presentation out of the park. Sickness or no sickness, I need to come with my A-game. So I throw some Tylenol in my bag, and I go to leave the front door, and God picks this moment to remind me that I have children.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  My teenage daughter screams, "Dad, the washing machine is flooding the basement." Turns out she took every piece of clothing we own and stuffed it into one wash. Apparently, she wanted to get her chores done quicker. So as I'm feeling water penetrate the soles of my shoes, her little brother comes downstairs and tries to convince me that he wasn't playing with my razor again and the hairs on his right eyebrow just fell out on their own. So, as I'm juggling my little hand grenades, I'm already an hour late for work. So I'm flying down the highway.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  I finally make it to my desk, three minutes, three minutes before my meeting's about to start. I'm sweating, my notes are everywhere. I go to log on to my computer so I can join the online meeting, and my screen greets me with "incorrect password." I'm like, "My password has always been the name of my first dog with a capital Y." Or is it a lowercase i? So after what feels like forever, I'm finally able to reset my password and join the meeting, only to find out I now have five minutes to give a 20-minute presentation.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  So, what happens next is a lot like watching me fall down a flight of stairs. I stumble, I stutter, I load the wrong slides, and when my presentation is over, I'm just faced with blank stares. I am so disappointed and mad at myself right now. I want to flip my desk over and punch a hole in the wall. But I don't. I take a deep breath, and a personal day, and I go straight to the store to get the one thing that will make me feel better right now: chocolate ice cream.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  So I'm at the grocery store and I pick up my ice cream. I go to checkout and this lady with 623 items just narrowly cuts in front of me. And she saw me with my one item and I know she did because she gave me a look like she still thinks it's the 1950s and we shouldn't be shopping in the same grocery store. So now I'm not only sick, I'm also angry. So somewhere there's video surveillance of me slamming my ice cream down on a magazine rack and stomping out the store because I can't, I just need to get home. I can't be around anyone right now. So I finally get home.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  I'm lying on the couch, I'm, it's dark, I, you know, I have ice on my head. My wife finally arrives. She asks me what's wrong. So I tell her. I don't know. I have been sick all week. I can't get rid of this headache. I'm messing up at work. I'm screaming at people at the grocery store and it just, it just feels like everything's out of control right now. And I, I, I think, I think I need to talk to someone. And her expression turns heavy. She sits down next to me and she says, babe, you know that coffee's really not good for

• 5:49Speaker 01

  your high blood pressure, right? And I'm like, yeah, I know. I'm gonna quit, I promise. She's like, no, no, just listen to me. I wanted to help. So last week, I secretly switched our coffee to decaffeinated.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  So after I came back from Starbucks, I'm feeling 110% better.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Three months later, I get another opportunity to present my idea. And this time, I wrote my password down on my hand. But more importantly, I'm no longer drinking coffee. While my wife's heart was in the right place, her plan to have me go cold turkey was just a horrible, horrible idea. But it did help me see how addicted I was to caffeine. And that was the motivation I needed to quit and keep the promise I made to my wife. But between you and me,

• 7:18Speaker 01

  every once in a while, my wife will give me this little smile. And it makes me wonder if that was her plan all along. Thank you.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  That was Chris Bell. Chris is a storyteller from Boston who finds inspiration in everyday moments as a husband and father. Whether sharing a personal story or taking long walks through the city, Chris connects with life's simple joys, especially when pizza is involved. Personally, I don't think anything should come between a spouse and their daily caffeine intake, even with the best of intentions. Up next, a story about making weight. Back in a moment.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  Welcome back. Our next story is from Craig Gudorf, who told this at a Twin Cities Story Slam where the theme was steaks. Here's Craig live at the mall.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Every high school wrestler has a story about losing weight. The stakes are high because if you can't make weight for your match, you don't wrestle that night. And if you don't wrestle, your team might lose. But this isn't a story about a wrestler losing weight. In fact, it's just the opposite. So let me set the stage for you. I'm on a bus with my high school team. We're going to a neighboring school. We have a meet that night. We get off the bus, we go into the locker room, we all get in line because you have to get on a scale in front of a referee to weigh in and validate that you are actually achieving your weight class, that you don't weigh too much. I get on the scale that night.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  I weigh 181.5 pounds. Big relief. You see, I'm wrestling 185 that night. I'm three and a half pounds underweight, so relieved. Except then my coach speaks up and he says, "Hey ref, I changed my mind. Craig is actually gonna wrestle heavyweight tonight." And the ref goes, "Well, that's a problem." You see, to wrestle heavyweight, you have to weigh a minimum of 185 pounds. So my coach goes, "So you mean he has to gain weight tonight to wrestle?" "That's right." "And how much time does he have to gain this weight?"

• 9:45Speaker 02

  "Nine minutes." So my coach says, "He has nine minutes to gain three and a half pounds?" Ref goes, "Uh huh." My coach looks at me, he looks at the water fountain, "Start drinking." So do you remember those water fountains in school, the white porcelain ones? Where you'd push your thumb on the button and hardly any water would come out? So I attach my lips to a little spout and I'm sucking up the water, I'm sucking up the water, and then after two minutes, I've gained half a pound.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  "This is taking too long." My coach yells. So somebody runs to the sink. They grab a cup, they fill it up, and I pound it down. "Again," he yells. "Go to the sink, fill it up with water, pound it down." "More," he yells. Keep repeating this stuff. I've drank like six glasses of water, and you guys, I'm so full. I get on the scale, I still have two pounds to go. Back to the sink, fill up the glass, drink it down. The ref puts up his hands, "Two minutes." Back to the sink, fill it up. Oh, I'm so uncomfortable. Finally, get up on the scale.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  With seconds to spare, the ref gives me the thumbs up. Whew. My ref, my coach gives me a high five. He's like, "Craig, nice job." He goes, "Oh, by the way, that guy over there, he's your opponent tonight." And I look over across the locker room, it's a 240-pound gorilla. And I'm 185 with a big water-full of belly. Hold on, a big belly full of water. That's what I meant to say. Anyway, the match starts. Okay, we all are out there. The lightweights go first. The teams are evenly matched. They win the first one, we win the second. They win the third one, we win the fourth.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  It keeps going and going, and the pressure is building in the gym. And the pressure is building in my bladder. Finally, it's time for the heavyweights. The score is tied. It's winner take all. If I win, we win. If I lose, all is lost. I get out on the mat, I shake my opponent's hand, and the ref blows the whistle. We start circling each other cautiously. Suddenly, I shoot at his legs, I take him down to the mat. I turn him onto his back, and my teammates start cheering. And my coach yells, "Pin him, pin him." And I'm squeezing him so tight, but my stomach's about to explode. And I'm squeezing him, and I'm squeezing him, and finally, the ref blows the whistle,

• 12:33Speaker 02

  slaps the mat, match is over, I've won. I jump up on my feet. Jump up on my feet. My teammates rush out onto the mat, but I am long gone.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Back to the locker room to take a long awaited pee. Thank you.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  That was Craig Gudorf. Craig is working on his first novel and also performs with an improv troupe called Eaten by Locust. He continued wrestling throughout his high school career and was also the intramural heavyweight champ in college. Making weight for a wrestling match was Craig's high stakes moment, and Moth stories are all about stakes. What did a person stand to gain or lose? Do you have a story where the stakes were high? Call into our pitch line and share a snippet of that moment with us. You can go to our website, themoth.org/pitchline. We'd love to hear it. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for joining us. From all of us here at The Moth, have a story worthy week.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  Suzanne Rust is The Moth's senior curatorial producer and one of the hosts of The Moth Radio Hour. In addition to finding new voices and fresh stories for The Moth's stage, Suzanne creates playlists and helps curate special storytelling events. This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Christina Norman, Marina Kluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinalle, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Uranya. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.

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  For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.