Pod Insights The Moth Embraces and Egg Timers: The Moth Podcast About this episode In this episode, two stories about nerves and pressure, from meeting a partner’s parents, to deciding whether or not to have kids. This episode was hosted by Emily Couch.
Storytellers:
Gabe Woods-Lamanuzzi tries to give his girlfriend’s father a hug… to mixed results.
April Gallaty deals with feeling pressured to have children.
Podcast # 939
Transcript 0:02 Speaker 00 Welcome to The Moth. I'm Emily Couch, and on this episode, two stories about nerves and pressure. From meeting a partner's parents to societal expectations. First up, we've got Gabe Woods-Lamanuzzi, who told this story at a Boston Story Slam, with the theme was "Guts." Here's Gabe, live at The Moth.
0:24 Speaker 01 I consider myself to be a reasonably gutsy individual. I've bungee jumped, I've skydived, both of which were immensely terrifying things to me. But a few things throughout my life have terrified me more, have really gotten my boots a-quaking and my timbers a-shivering, more than meeting the father of any girlfriend I've ever dated. To start off, typical male bonding has just never been a strong suit for me. I don't know anything about cars. I have lots of feelings, and I like talking about my feelings. Handshakes, utterly petrifying to me. Just thinking about them is making my hands sweat right now. And when it comes to the actual moment of the shake, I will find some way to just turn it into calamity, whether that be like gripping too soon, or like sticking my finger, my
1:08 Speaker 01 pinky in and like tickling their hand or something. Like, I'll find some way to just ruin it. I'm just, I'm a hugger, you know? I'm a hug-oriented human. And when it comes to the fathers of girls I've dated, I don't know if it was just that I was born and raised in Texas, but some of them, boy golly, can be awfully intense. I dated this one girl in 10th grade, and she was the oldest of five. And I remember every single one of the kids, I remember playing with them, I remember helping her mom out in the kitchen, but the only thing I remember about her father was just him staring at me, like glaring at me. I don't even remember if this man had a body, I just remember his eyes burning holes into me. And I swear, he didn't blink for like the entire eight months I dated her.
1:52 Speaker 01 But you know, fast forward a few years, I go off to college in San Diego, and I started dating, junior year, started dating this California girl, Sydney. And I'm over there hoping like she's probably got some super chill Cali parents, perhaps hippie-oriented, wouldn't that be a dream? Incorrect, her father is from Queens, New York. And when Sydney is giving me information about her parents for the first meeting, she just sort of casually mentions how her father will occasionally boast about knowing how to work around the law, which is not a particularly comforting thing to hear. So the first meeting is happening at a restaurant, AKA a public place with witnesses. And we're having dinner with Sydney's parents and her younger brother.
2:35 Speaker 01 And we are, we've dragged along Sydney's best friend as a sort of like emotional support wingwoman. And her father walks into the restaurant and I literally have to crane my neck upwards to look at this man. If you would ask me in that moment how tall he was, I would have told you eight feet. In reality, he's six foot four and just a, just a big, just a solidly constructed individual. And he's over there ducking his head under doorways and I'm considering like ducking out of the restaurant, but it takes me two and a half steps to make up every one of his. So I wouldn't make it far if I made a run for it. So I'm just like, I'm in it for the long haul, right? I gotta be there. Dinner progresses, it's going all right. Sydney's best friend is hilarious and entertaining and is taking up a lot of the attention, just
3:19 Speaker 01 like we hired her to do. And I seriously, thank you. You know, we're all swapping stories. It's all good, although I do pay particular attention to a story her father tells about being so protective of baby Sydney that he chases away a home intruder with a baseball bat. That one I sort of sticks in my head. I don't know why. And, and, and, you know, other than that though, the dinner kind of goes without too much of an incident until the end of the evening when we're saying goodbye and we're standing outside the restaurant and I say, you know, it was so nice to meet you. And I raise up both arms and I go for the hug. And that, yeah, this giant of a father, this giant of a man takes a step backwards
4:01 Speaker 01 and extends one arm out for a handshake and he says, let's keep it here for now. And.
4:09 Speaker 01 Cue, cue my utter panic as I just like desperately try to salvage this situation. And I'm like, oh, yes, sir, of course, but my hands are already extended and hugged. So I can't do the sort of like subtle wipe your hand on your pants thing before the handshake. So I deliver to this man guaranteed the sweatiest handshake of his life. And her mother takes pity on me and is like, I'll give you a hug, which honestly bless her heart forever for that. And then I'm still trying to kind of turn this into a joke. So I'm like, Zach will give me a hug, to which her 18-year-old fraternity rushing brother is like, I absolutely will not give you a hug. And I proceed to chase this man, this young man, back to their car where he locks himself inside to get away from me. And I'm like, give me a hug.
4:55 Speaker 01 Oh, God. Painful, but you know, I survived the night. Night wraps up and a few months later, we're on a road trip up the, up the California coast going up north. And Sydney drops me off with some family in Morro Bay and she's on to see her parents in the Bay Area. And you know, I'm feeling like I kind of have some ground to make up with her dad. So I decided to take a gamble. And before she leaves, I give her a hug goodbye. And then I give her a second hug goodbye. And I say, that one is for your father. When you get home, give him a hug and then after the hug, tell him it was from Gabe. And you know, I'm trying to do the thing where you're terrified, but you're doing the thing anyway.
5:37 Speaker 01 But I'm also remembering the adage of like, there's a thin line between bravery and stupidity. And I'm wondering which side of, which side of it I've sort of stumbled into. So I'm staring at my phone, y'all, for the next three hours, waiting for an update on how this like Trojan horse of a hug delivery is gonna go. And, and then I get her text and it says, made it home safely. He thought it was hilarious. And in all the years since then, he has hugged me every time we've hung out. And now 11 years later, this August, I will be marrying Sydney Murth. And I, I can, I can hardly wait to hug my future father-in-law on that day. Thank you.
6:29 Speaker 00 That was Gabe Woods-Lamanuzzi. Gabe is an educator in Boston, where he lives with his forever gal, Sydney, and their cat, Jello. Gabe remains dedicated to his quest for a lifelong average of 10 great hugs per week. If you'd like to see photos of Gabe and his father-in-law, including proof that they have hugged at least once, you can find those pictures on our website at themoth.org/extras. In 2016, I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, was living back at home with my parents, and was generally in a state of limbo. I tried my hand at casual dating, which I'd never done before. I was on my third date with this guy I'd met through Tinder. We were out to dinner in my town, and I invited him to come over and watch a movie. I was about to text my mom, begging her to make herself scarce so my date wouldn't have
7:13 Speaker 00 to go through the process of meeting the parents in the nascent stage of a casual situation-ship. He stopped me and said, "It's okay, I'd love to meet the people who raised you." I nearly fainted. He did end up meeting my parents that night. I think I was more nervous than he was. And six years later, dear listener, I married him. After the break, another story about expectations. Be back in a moment.
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8:33 Speaker 00 Welcome back. April Galati told our next story at a Seattle Story Slam, where the theme of the night was deadlines. Here's April, live at the month.
8:45 Speaker 03 When I was about 10 years old, I woke up one morning. I was covered in hair and blood. And I went to my mom and I'm like, "Are we werewolves? Did I kill somebody last night? Like, what's going on?" My mom's like, "No, you're not turning into a werewolf. You're turning into a woman."
9:15 Speaker 03 It was really unfair in my mind because both processes are the same. I mean, they end kinda different.
9:25 Speaker 03 But becoming a werewolf and becoming a woman is the same. Like, you have all these weird body shape changes and sizes going on. Hair, hair everywhere. Oh, my God. Like, and you're hangry, and you're hungry, and you're angry, hangry. And you are pissed off the world. You just wanna bite people. Like, and blood, so much blood. It's terrible.
9:55 Speaker 03 What do you, you know? So, my mom, she does the best she can with a 10-year-old. She gives me all the technical information she can.
10:05 Speaker 03 Kind of send me on my way with this. And then I got gifted, you know, the Wise Woman gifts. A pontoon boat-sized pad.
10:17 Speaker 03 Floating out. It's terrible.
10:22 Speaker 03 Giant bottle of Tylenol. Heating pad, you know, the basics. There was one thing, though, she didn't tell me about because I was too young. And that was that I got an egg timer. On that day, somebody took an egg timer. And they cranked it up all the way to the top. And they let it go. And it started going. I couldn't hear it. I didn't know anything about it. Time goes on. I learn how to deal with periods like we all do. And we manage. And then one day, I find a boy. And I'm like, "I like this one. I'm keeping him.
10:57 Speaker 03 This one's mine." And the minute I did that, this weird phenomenon happened that I described as a tinnitus of the vagina.
11:11 Speaker 03 My vagina started sending out a signal
11:16 Speaker 03 to everyone in my family. And everyone into my husband's family. And it was going, "Babies. Babies." And behind it was just tick-tock, tick-tock. And I really never heard this clock going off behind me. I never heard it. And my husband and I had had discussions, actually before we got married, and had decided that we were not going to have children. And me telling family and friends this was difficult, to say the least. People's need to be in our bedroom was wild.
11:58 Speaker 03 And when I would explain, "Hey, my husband and I have decided that we don't want to have children." Well, then, people decided that I needed to be convinced. And they wouldn't try to convince my husband and I. They would separate us, pull me aside and go, "Hey, you're being selfish because you're not allowing your husband's name to be carried on." "My husband's family is Catholic. That name will outlast all of us."
12:28 Speaker 03 Like, then, of course, they're like, "Okay, well, if that doesn't work, then, like, well, who's going to take care of you when you're older? Well, who's being selfish now? That's not a good reason to have a baby." You know? And then they would get angry, and at this point, they're like, "Come on, just have a baby. Your instincts will kick in." "Yeah, and if they don't, can I send it back?"
12:53 Speaker 03 So, you know, I went through this. Time goes on. My husband and I have had these fights with everybody. Next thing you know, we are 28 years down the road. And we've been happily married all that time. And we have a 15-year-old hysterectomy.
13:12 Speaker 03 And that day, 15 years ago, was the day that that egg timer stopped. That was the day that the tone of the tonus of the vagina just died. And it became real apparent really quickly that on that day, the expiration of my value as a woman and as a person died with a lot of people. And if I were to stand here and tell you that that didn't hurt, I would be lying. But I would like to remind you that there are plenty of women out there who have never
13:49 Speaker 03 had children, who have gone on to do great things, two of which, Dolly Parton and Betty White. Now, I am no Dolly Parton and I am no Betty White, but I can fix that. Thank you, my name is April.
14:20 Speaker 00 That was April Gouleti. April is a writer, comic, and storyteller who uses her sweet southern drawl to add softness to the bite in her comedy and storytelling. From Georgia, April crafts tales of her southern upbringing, navigating the comedic chaos of marriage, early menopause, middle age, ADHD, and autism. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for joining us. From all of us here at The Moth, have a story-worthy week.
14:46 Speaker 04 Emily Couch is a producer on The Moth's artistic team, offering logistical support on creative projects and The Moth Radio Hour. She loves to work behind the scenes to spread the beauty of true, personal stories to listeners around the world. This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership team include Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Marina Kluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinalle, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Uranya. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.
15:28 Speaker 04 For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.
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