Crowd Control: The Moth Podcast

This episode originally aired on January 31st, 2020. This episode, stories from crowded places and spaces. Hosted by: Dan Kennedy Storytellers: Tere Figueras Negrete learns a lot about her fellow passengers when her commute goes awry. Slow service at a deli counter leads to an angry and regrettable outburst from Adam Wade. If you've been moved by a story this year, please text 'GIVE25' to 78679 to make a donation to The Moth today.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This week, we're talking about crowds, getting lost in them, or maybe even finding your place in the crowd. First up, Terry Figueres Negretti. Terry told this story at a Miami Story Slam where the theme of the night was "The Fast Lane." Here's Terry, live at the Moth.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  So, how many of you guys have experienced the magical wonderland that is Miami-Dade Public Transportation System? So, I take the train every day from Civic Center on my way home. So, the other day, like normal, we are chugging along southbound, when all of a sudden, the train rolls to an ominous stop. No big deal what happens, but we all kind of look up from our cellphones, see what's going on, when all of a sudden, a woman yells, "Oh, my God, there's a man on the tracks!" Sure enough, there's a guy, a normal-looking guy, kind of looks like Alton Brown, it is not Alton Brown, but he's like booking it down the tracks.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  We hear helicopters in the distance, police sirens. I found out later that this guy was shoplifting at Merrick Park, and Coral Gables Police have launched like this SEAL Team 6-level manhunt, because you know Coral Gables, right? So, we are stuck on this train with no power until they catch this guy for three hours. It is a dismal hellscape. There is no air conditioning, there's like babies crying, why are there so many babies on the train? The conductor keeps wandering in with these like sassy but unhelpful updates, like, "I think that guy must be smoking that flaca." Like, not useful information.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  So, I decide to make the best of it and introduce myself to my neighbors. On one side, there is Tony, a very cool 20-something, who I assume is either like a DJ or a graphic designer. And then there is Danny, who is studying to be a paramedic. And halfway through this ordeal, Danny just announces loudly to the whole train, "I think we should just turn the power on and just fry that guy." And I'm like, "Danny, bro, like, your shit got dark real fast." And he just looks at me by way of explanation and says, "Lord of the Rings, bro."

• 2:29Speaker 01

  And I'm pretty sure he means Lord of the Flies. But, like, I don't wanna be a bitch about it. I also have not read Lord of the Rings, so maybe there is like a famous scene involving like a train and a wizard and like, I don't wanna get into it, so... At that moment, we hear this booming voice out of nowhere from the back of the train, like, the voice of God. "I am diabetic, claustrophobic, and narcoleptic." Which is like, an amazing list of afflictions. So, we turn to see the source of this voice, and it's this tall guy with a heat jersey and sunglasses. He has enraptured the whole train,

• 3:13Speaker 01

  and then, starts to make demands. "I need water, snacks, and freedom!" Like, holy crap, this guy has Braveheart! He is, he is the William Wallace of the metro rail system. "You sir have our attention." "And bus passes for a month."

• 3:42Speaker 01

  "Bus passes for a month, ladies and gentlemen, who is with me? We need to stand united for justice." So Tony, the DJ graphic designer, stands up and starts chanting, "Bus pass, bus pass." And Danny, the Tolkien-loving sociopath, starts chanting, "Power to the people, power to the people." The whole train is clapping and cheering, and, we are no longer strangers on a train. We are a movement. And just when I think that like Danny and Tony are gonna like pry open the doors of the train and we're gonna rush out onto the tracks like the cast of Les Mis, just like storming the barricades, demanding free bus passes and snacks from Miami-Dade Transit.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Just like that, the train rumbles to life and we begin to move. And the moment is over. Everyone scrambles for their bags and their babies and their, and their cell phones. But I learned something important that day about myself, about Miami. I learned that we are all just speeding along on our own parallel tracks, on our own fast lanes, never intersecting, rarely connecting, never thinking about where we are, always thinking about where we should have been already.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  But when it all comes to a screeching halt, we are all ultimately bound by three universal but simple truths: water, snacks, freedom.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  That was Teri Fageres Negretti. Teri spent 15 years as an award-winning reporter and editor with the Miami Herald, covering, in her words, "the murder, mayhem, and assorted mischief of the 305." Her storytelling has been featured on NPR, in Reader's Digest's "The Best Stories in America," and in the Lifetime series "Her America: 50 Women, 50 States." Teri lives in South Miami with her favorite audience, her husband and two sons.

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• 8:02Speaker 00

  Next up, a classic moth story from Adam Wade. This is one that we're bringing out of the archives, actually. Adam told this story at a slam where the theme of the night was anger. Here's Adam Wade, live at the moth.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  How you doing? My name is Adam Wade. I am originally from New Hampshire. Two years ago, I had the lowest point I had living in New York. At the time, I was living in Hoboken, New Jersey. I hadn't worked for a full year and I had worked my way up from a basement apartment to an apartment on the third floor and I had to give it up and move in with my friend, Tricia, God bless her with a lot of cats. And I'm like asthmatic. So it was like the summer. And I'm sitting in there and she has a place at the Jersey Shore. And this is me and the cats and I got my like, like my air filter and my humidifier going and and I, and then like I'm not working, I've had interviews, everybody says I'm a nice guy, but they won't hire me.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  And I was just so frustrated and, and the cable wasn't working, I go, I need to do something and to make me happy. And like, I like roast beef sandwiches, so.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  I had seven dollars in my wallet, I go, I'm gonna go to the shop right, I'm gonna get a nice Italian bread, I'm gonna make it myself. And then I'm gonna get a quart upon a Boris head roast beef rare and we're gonna be all set, so I, I go in.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  And there's one, there's a gentleman, he kinda looks like Eric Roberts from Pope of Greenwich Village, he's working behind the deli. And it's just him, he's just kinda shaking and he's waiting on this elderly Italian lady, so he's waiting on, I guess sixty-one, so I take the number and it's sixty-two. And I'm just waiting there and she's like, hi John, how's your mother? And they're talking about his mother and I'm like, come on, like I, I got absolutely nowhere to go, but I'd like to get my roast beef and my rolling and get out of here, you know? So, so they're finally done and I'm like, alright, hey John, I'll have a quart upon, and, and he's like, excuse me. And then this other elderly Italian lady cuts me and, and mine and, and they say, how's your mother? And she's like, he's off dialysis and they're going back and forth and I'm like, alright, I mean, I'm, I'm a laid back guy, but I just like, I'm getting there, you know?

• 10:10Speaker 03

  And, and, and so I'm sitting there and she ordered a lot of stuff for a little lady, I mean.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  So finally, and I'm, I'm ready to jump on it, so, so they say goodbye, say hi to your mother and I go, quart upon a Boris, and just as I say, two, like there must have been twins elderly Italian lady, cut me a line and they order like the whole place and I'm, and I'm starting to get pissed off and, and, and like as I'm going there, there are a lot of, a lot of bo king yuppies are, they're, they're, they're gathered around, so there's a lot of people now. And I go, and I'm holding on my number and I'm starting to shake and, and, and so they're like, I tell your mother we said hi? And he's like, I will, bye ladies. And then I'm like, and then I just, I go quart upon a Boris head right now. And he's like, excuse me, I gotta make a phone call and I just go, oh Jesus, oh Jesus. And, and like all the yuppies are looking at me like I'm a jerk and I'm like, jeez, this guy.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  So he goes, makes a phone call and he's at least five minutes and he comes back and I know, okay, there's no, I don't see any. Elderly Italian ladies, it's just me and the uppies. And I got my number, I'm all set. So, he hits the numbers thing, but he hits it twice. And he goes, "All right, number sixty-three." And then I just snapped. I go, "Wait a minute, I got sixty-two. I've been waiting here, you let a half of Italy cut me." "No, no, I'm ready to go." And I go, "I want a quarter pound of Boris Head roast beef, and I want it rare. Please, John." And like, the poor guy, like, I thought he was gonna start crying. He's like, "I'm so sorry, so I'm so..." I go, "Don't worry about apologizing, just get me my meat."

• 11:38Speaker 03

  So, he cuts it and he's doing it, and he gets it, and I just grab it. And like, I get a little bit like, I'm having such a tough time. I felt good at yelling at someone. It just made me feel really good inside, and I'm still shaking. But I feel, I... So, I'm heading to the cash register. And then, one of the elderly Italian ladies that cut me grabs my arm, and she goes, "Shame on you, shame on you. John's mother's sick." And I'm like, and I just watch.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  I got my roast beef, and I go home, and I'm still shaking. I go, and I get the cat scram, and I'm making my sandwich.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  And I...

• 12:19Speaker 03

  I can't stop thinking about John's mother. And it's like, the way I am, and I'm just sitting there like, John's mother. Oh, Jesus Christ, this poor guy, I'm... I'm looking, I'm not hungry, so... I Google shop right, Hoboken. And I get on the phone, and I go, "I, please, can I have the deli department?" John answers, I go, "John, it's Adam Wade." And he's like, "Who?" I go, "I'm the guy that just came in to yell that you had the recorder problem with me." He goes, "Oh, yes, I remember." And I go, "You know, I'm really sorry." And I go through my whole spiel, I'm having a rough summer. And he's just always like, "Don't worry, you seem like such a nice boy." He goes, "You'll get a job, don't worry." And like, it made me feel so good. And I'm like, you know, "John, how's your mother doing?" And he's like, "She's up the hell, this is, but she might go back."

• 13:04Speaker 03

  And we're going, and it's like, it's like, the best like fifteen minutes of my life. And then he like, he cuts me short, he's like, "You know, Adam, I'd love to keep talking to you. It's been a great conversation, but there's a lot of people here that want their meat and cheese."

• 13:23Speaker 03

  So for the rest of the summer, I went in three or four nights a week. Some nights I wouldn't even get anything, but I would always, like, I didn't have money to go to bars. I'd talk to John, see how his money, you gotta keep the faith. And then I met Wilma that did the samples, and I'd have samples to eat. And then Dorothy at the checkout, fifteen or less. And, like, they helped me, you know? And I'm fortunate to say, like, I had a job for a year, a year straight. And I just go, I can't go in every night to shop, right? I got a life. Um... But I go in them Saturday afternoons, and it's packed, you know? And it's always really busy. And I just get my Grape-Nuts and Cranberry Juice. And, but I always, no matter what, I'll always go and say hi to John, if he's there. And I'm like, "Hey, John, how you doing? You know, how's your mother?" And she's like, "Off the Alice, she's riding a bike."

• 14:07Speaker 03

  I'm like, "That is fabulous." He's like, "How's work?" I'm like, "Great." He's like, "I knew, knew you'd be all right." And I'm like, "Oh, yeah." And like, the crowd, you know, they're starting to get annoyed. And then I'm like, "All right, John, I'll say, have a good day." And he's like, "Hey, Adam, come here." I'm like, "What, John?" He's like, "Want a quarter pound of Boris Head Rose Beef?" I'm like, "Come on, John, there's a lot of people there. I can't do it." You know, he's like, "Come on, have a quarter pound of rose beef." I'm like, "All right, give me the quarter pound of rose beef." Oh, come on, all right, yeah. Fuck you.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  And I've become one of the old ladies.

• 14:58Speaker 00

  That was Adam Wade. Originally from New Hampshire, Adam is a 20-time Moth Slam winner. And you might have seen him on HBO's Girls, or on Comedy Central's Inside Amy Schumer. He believes that one of the best decisions he's ever made in his life was walking into his first Moth Story Slam over 16 years ago. And we're so proud to announce that Adam has recently launched a special with Audible. You can listen to his Audible original, You Oughta Know Adam Wade, which is a collection of some of Adam's stories told in front of a live audience at audible.com/adamwade. That's audible.com/adamwade. So go check it out. You really oughta know Adam Wade.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  And that is it for us this week. Come out and join us at an upcoming Moth Night near you, or pitch us one of your stories, because we want to hear from you. You can find out more on our website at themoth.org. Until next time, from all of us here at The Moth, have a story-worthy week. Podcast production by Julia Purcell.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  Dan Kennedy is the author of Loser Goes First, Rock On, and American Spirit. He's also a regular host and storyteller with The Moth.