The Basement Yard
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15,492 words · 6 speakers
Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, what are you doing?
You know,
that was me-
Was that dribbling?
That was me dribbling.
One more time?
Right. But I'm-
Wow.
That was poor dribbling on my part.
Correct.
I, uh, you know, feeling good dribble-wise.
Nice.
Dribbling, dribbling and shooting. Yeah, how are you?
I'm good, and you got a brand-new shirt, so how are you doing?
I'm good, I'm feeling good.
Yeah. Is that your, is this the first wear?
It's not the first wear.
Oh, damn.
You wear a good shirt. I will say this, you picked the hottest day of the year to, so far, to wear the thickest knit shirt of the year.
No, it's like-
It's breathable, I can kinda see-
It's super, you could see me.
I could see you a little bit.
You could see me, I could see you too, though. But I also know, I know thread counts, and I know-
Yo, that's crazy.
What?
I've never seen his nipples.
Have you never seen my nipples?
I've never seen your nipples.
I don't think I've seen your nipples.
It's, it's summer, well, I'll nipple it up with you.
Are you, I-
We, I mean, you've seen my nipples.
I've seen your nipples, I've seen them quite a bit.
I hate my nipples.
I know.
It's, I mean, you gotta, it's more self-
When you see my nipples, do you also hate them with me? Like, is it a form of support?
No.
So, actually, this is a good question. I hate my nipples.
Right.
Do you hate my nipples with me as support for my mental approach and outlook on my nipples? Or, do you like my nipples in order to pull me out of the hatred of my own nipples?
I'm not gonna enable this self-hate you have for your nipples.
It's not self-hate, I love every other part of me. This rectangular-
You know.
Oh, you're including all of it? I thought it was just the nipples.
This area I hate. So like, what, what would we say? This is what, like 13 inches by three inches? So what is that? 13 times 3 is?
You got it.
39? 39 square inches of my body are my least favorite.
Okay, okay.
So do you also dislike it with me?
So you're, alright, this is good to know because I've, you know, obviously I've made fun of you for a lot of things. So if you also don't like something about yourself, you want me to pull you out of it? And reassure you that you shouldn't be upset about it instead of being like, yeah, also, yeah, fuck that shit. Fuck your fucking stupid ass nose.
Let me ask you a question. When your wife, uh, if ever, has said something to you like, hey, I'm feeling insecure about this thing. I don't really like this part about my body. What's your reaction? Because what you're expecting from me is probably not what you should be doing here.
I remind her that she is sculpted out of marble. She is a goddess among women and humans and however you choose to identify.
Yeah.
So that's what I'm doing.
But this is different.
That's what I'm doing for you.
But this is different though, brother.
How, how could?
Because we're not a partner. We're not partners.
And can we get a fact check on that? Look that up.
Well, no, don't look that up on the internet.
If we look up the internet, they will say that.
They might tell us the opposite.
Are, are we counting areola? Or just the points?
Nipple, nipple. Of course we're counting areola, that's the whole nipple.
It's like the term vagina. It's everything that's going on in the wallet.
Got it, so.
You got the cards, you got the ID.
The nipple and the areola are boys. They go together.
Yeah, but sometimes.
Like wabala balaba bashimbley bing balon.
That's what, that's, that was grease, wasn't it?
I'm gonna, yep. Yeah, in a second. Yeah, but you know how like sometimes with your nipples not hard, it's like all areola?
Yeah, that's my, that's why I'm, that's why I'm like.
Yeah, so you're touching up.
I'll give them a little tug. I'm not kidding, when my shit's not hard, it's like a Milk Dud and I get pissed off because I love Milk Duds and I hate my nipples.
Milk Duds are dark. Your shits aren't dark like that.
Not that dark, but I'm just referencing in the kind of like molded, rounded.
Milk Duds are round.
Like rounded, molded, you know.
Oh, you're saying molded like sculpted?
Yes, yeah, like malleable.
I'm thinking mold.
No, no, I don't have moldy tits.
That's what I thought you said.
No, I don't think, I don't have moldy tits. I don't have moldy titties.
I hope not.
You got hair? You got hair around the nipple?
Do you?
I think I do.
I have weird ones. Yo, my chest hair, first of all, God, as if this guy needed anything else. He's rich, he's good looking, he's athletic. You got good chest hair, dude.
I got, no. I actually do think.
I have a decent chest hair.
I'm not kidding, I can count my chest hairs like by number. Like that's how little there are.
That's him, bro, like his whole body.
Me too, but my whole thing, yeah.
Oh, my leg hairs are my, my, I, Danny LaPrio always used to tell me, always is a crazy thing to say. Every day of my life, that he would be astonished at how hairless I was. But, but like.
Do you have hairless legs?
No, the legs are hairy and the thigh too, but like.
You see my leg?
Yeah, your leg is insane.
Bro, I don't. I can't.
No, you got hair on your legs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like as.
Yo, you got ashy knees, dude. What are you doing?
He needs lotion on those.
You gotta throw some.
Come on.
Where are you going? Oh, he's gonna kick over the chair and shit. Yo, it is crazy.
What is that? Yeah, yeah, I mean.
I got nothing.
Also, am I seeing, I could see your pores from here, I think.
Bro, I know, I got nothing.
That's crazy. Good for you, man. Honestly, though.
Are you excited about that? That's why you were able to tread water for so long. Cause you're a hair, you're like Phelps, you're hairless and you're a rat.
Well, it was more because Joe bet me I could do.
No, but you're built for the water.
I am built for the water.
You absolutely are.
A little amphibious.
Can you dive well?
Sure.
That doesn't say, that's not yes.
Off a diving board? Yeah.
Well, where, where else are you?
Well, cause you could, you could.
Off a cliff?
You could dive off a cliff. I've done that. You could dive off.
I think if you're able to dive off of a cliff, you could dive off and.
Just dive.
Yeah, I'm good at diving.
You?
I remember watching you dive and you would like frog leg it.
Sometimes, yeah.
And you would frog leg it, but you made it look good again with your chest hair, you fuck.
No, but one time I dove, uh, and Nicole took a video and I was like, yo, that's the best dive I've ever seen. I mean, for me, not for in my life, but.
Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
But a lot of time, not like a really good diver, to be honest.
I'm not brave.
Well, give me your best three jumps in the water. Like that you.
How could I possibly describe that?
You could do that. Your best like, if, if someone was like, yo, we're doing a jumping in the water contest.
Oh, which things would I do?
Bring your three, your on the podium jumps in the water.
Okay. Um, I would attempt a dive because when I can get it right, I just gotta be like mentally strong.
So you're playing that you're taking the gamble?
Yeah, I'm gonna gamble that. Well, I don't have a lot of, I don't have a big arsenal here.
I mean, you got a good amount.
I don't think so. Um, I would do that. Then I'd probably do.
I think I could do like a decent front flip. That's a good one. Because high risk, high reward again. I know. If you land straight on your back, that's gonna hurt so bad. Yeah.
Usually you land on kinda your butt.
Yo, I wish I could do a gainer. I think that's the fucking coolest thing in the world. Dude, our friend Dennis used to do a gainer and it was, I'm not kidding, what I imagined like deep impact would have been. Like, he would hit the water and it was like
Yeah, some people are good at that shit. Yo, Keith can hit a jackknife. Hard body karate. Wait, wait, wait. Which one? Now, see, because different jumps have different names across. You like jump and like it's a little bit of a spin? Hold the knee? Yeah, you like hold your one knee. I thought that was gainer. Which one is gainer? Gainer's when you're running and you flip back. Oh, you're doing a shooting star press? Yes. Like you're fucking Evan Bourne? Yes. Jesus. Billy Kidman? Yeah, dude, like those are sick. Oh, I didn't, I didn't realize that's what you meant by gainer. Dude, if I could do a gainer, I wouldn't shut up about it.
Bro, if I could backflip, I would, I mean, this is where we get into Benson Boone territory. I get it. Because if I was that motherfucker, I'd be, I'd be doubling up.
Yeah, but you know what, though? It's gotten to the point, like, he got so famous so fast that he needs to chill. Because if he keeps doing the backflip, it's just gonna take one person to see him fall, they get the ick, because he'll be singing in backflip and then he'll like
What the hell was that? Is that a ribbit?
Like
What was that?
He'll make like a weird yelping noise.
Oh, I see.
And people will be like, yo, fuck this guy.
Nah, bro. I think that, um...
No one ever made a noise, no, no one of the opposite sex ever made a noise and you're just like, ill.
Like a, like a girl made a noise?
Like a grunt or something?
The fuck was that?
Yeah, you never see.
Um... Nothing stands out at the moment.
I'm trying.
But I think that like, if I'm Benson Boone and someone's like, oh my god, backflip, ick, I'd be like, hey man, super successful, athletic, and I got a great voice, I'm chilling.
Yeah, you know what Benson Boone has never done? Sold out MSG. Has he actually? Probably. By the way, if he hasn't, easily good. Yeah, probably. Um, but alright, so no pencil dive in there? Ooh, pencil! That was another one. Pencil, I can pencil dive- I don't know that I'm good at it. Like dropping an actual pencil into water. You can? I'm very, very good. Do you point your toes down? You have to. Oh, okay, so that's where I make a mistake, because sometimes- But also, a good pencil dive doesn't go straight down. It, it curves. Like, you need to curve with it because it's, you just cut through the water better. I like that. Uh, but I have jumped from a distance and I hit my feet on the water so hard that I got like a belly flop on the bottom of my feet. Yeah. And I just got stinging feet.
I struggle with if I should include belly flop in my top 10 water jumps. You're good at that? Dude, I am so, cuz you know how I am. I commit to the bit. So like, I have done belly flops and just- Let it go. Like, let it go, like, I'm fucking just Scott Stapp. You know what I mean? Like, off the building. Yeah.
You're gonna go Elsa or something? Did you ever jump into a pool and your trunks came off?
A bunch of times.
Really?
No. Ooh, the beach has, has taken my, uh, trunks, yeah. Beaches sucked your shit? Yeah, a wave just like sucked my pants off. We used to, um, you know, when we would tube at the lake, we had- My pants came up, bro, my dick was dragging against the, the surface of that water- Yo, I'm not kidding. And his dad was driving the boat, and I'm hanging off the back, and my pants just like, immediately shot to my ankles, and my raw dick is getting beat up by the waves. Yo, I, I have spent more time raw-dicking that lake- Bro, it's- During tubing than I've been ever inside of a woman.
Yeah, yeah, I've spent more time- Bro, we would go, like, anytime we would tube, cuz we were fucking nuts with it. You remember? Yeah. We would go, we would go three tubes at once, jump, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, and it was the most fun when someone would miss and their fucking pants would fly off, but- We had a, uh, uh, uh, the big banana boat. You remember the banana boat too?
I do, yeah.
And what we would do is we would kneel, there would be six of us at a time. Three would kneel on the sides and one person on the back. And, yo, water is powerful, dude.
It's so hard.
It fucking, it will take your shit and send it to fucking China.
Dude, honestly, I'm not kidding. There was one time I fell off the back of this tube and I'm holding on. My pants shot to my ankles and it felt like my dick was being stretched all the way back to my feet, like a tail.
Yo, because like you look at the wake of, of, of, of a boat when you're in, when you're tubing. And when you get to that, like you're about to go outside the wake, there's like gurgles and bubbles like going like this. So like when you're on that edge of the wake and your dick is just getting beat like it is owing money.
It's cutting your dick down the hole, like in half.
Yo, like imagine being dragged.
So weekly, it's been a lot of dick.
Yeah, bro, we're gonna get more of it too. We don't, we don't. This is like very real to us.
Bro, like, I, I'm not kidding. My balls have gotten mashed too, bro.
I've often, I've spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like to get dragged by horse and I know. Cause I've been dragged by boat and tube.
Yeah, I have. I've been dragged by your Colombian father.
Also, a lot of people when they're driving, especially children, drive the boat like this, right? Like the boat goes this way and you're hitting, uh, like waves.
And people go like this.
Yo, my dad was driving his shit like this.
It's just, it's just fucking like, you're all over the place. Also like, oh my god, bro, I get so scared doing it.
Yo, honestly, my dad was a bitch about driving. It was Espo's dad and his grandfather that like.
Yeah, I mean, you know what Espo's dad looks like. The dude is tatted both arms, he's got a thick mustache.
He's got a spider web.
A spider web.
Spider web.
And this guy's taking children tubing. I'm getting launched in the air, landing in the water, and my balls are mashed.
And he's going what felt like 500 miles per hour.
Chomping on a cigar, looking like, looking back every five minutes to realize someone has fallen.
And like, you, when you would get fucking, you're hanging on like this, and you're crying laughing. Because you see the person hanging on, and like, just let go.
Like, just let go, but holding on to their shorts, and their dick, dude. Imagine if you just skull fucked a fucking bowl of marbles. Like, it shit is just getting beat to fucking death.
Yeah, it's really insane. And I'm, I have like a bunch of cuts. One time I fell off and I headbutt someone so hard that I like hit the whatever, and then as they went to come pick me up, the boat drove by, and Espo's dad like called me a bitch or something. And I was like, damn near died in your lake.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, I mean, it was crazy, but.
It was a lovely upbringing, to be honest.
Yeah, so I'm also going cannonball. Cannonball's a classic that I'm pretty confident in at this point in my life.
When you go cannonball, right? When you jump into water and you do a cannonball, are you like one of those people that like crosses their legs and like faces forward? Or do you lean back?
No, I kinda honestly, like, I go up and I like, you know, like, I like kinda go on my back.
Okay.
And I feel like I'm.
You can push it down.
I can push it down.
Which I know I can't.
So your asshole.
You know, if you put it like that, yeah.
Cause I've done that, I'm, all jokes aside.
I don't know why I'm crossing the cross.
Who are you gonna, God?
I've done a cannonball so hard, and I don't know if it was the gravity that day, but it legitimately hurt the rim of my asshole.
Yo, I'm not kidding. When I was younger, I don't know why, my asshole would just suck in water randomly and body. Do you remember that shit? It'd be like, just randomly like. Okay, what do you mean? Well, how would I remember your asshole movement?
I mean, you did it!
Oh, my butt was getting watered?
Yeah!
Oh, of course, yeah.
That's what I'm saying, like, bro, you jump into water or stay in water long enough, you're fucking, it's gonna get in your ass. It's like, it's actually kind of a good thing.
I think my butt kinda probably talks with excitement. Like, when I get really hyped, it's like, Yeah. It's like taking in water?
That, that's the thing, if you jump high enough, high enough with a cannonball, water will shoot up, up your butt.
Which, I mean, like, it's not, it's not filling you up, but you are kinda like enemasizing your butt a little bit. Like, if anything, you're cleaning your shit out a little bit.
Yeah, it's probably a net positive.
And one of the few things I learned from meeting Dr. Mike is there's so many sphincters that like, it's not gonna be dangerous, dude.
No, no, no.
You're not like pressure washing your shit, but you're getting in there and you're cleaning the walls.
No, tubing, you're pressure washing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, like, I can't even begin to express how much time we've spent tubing. Your shit gets, like, like, I imagine, like, if you took someone's dick and like, put it on those old timey washboards that they used in like, the Oregon Trail.
Yeah, and it's, it's just honestly, it's just not funny, to be honest.
I'll tell you this, though. We beat monetization into a bloody pulp there.
Yeah, it's over for that. At this point, just gonna let it rip.
There is no way that we're getting it.
Dude, but, what a, what a good time. But yeah, man, I remember jumping in and I got, I got, Keith always makes fun of me because I didn't even think about what I was saying, but I jumped into our pool and I came out of the water and I was like, yo, that hurt my asshole so bad.
Yeah, dude.
You know, or, or like, if you jump off, one time I jumped off a boat and landed in water, but I like, I like landed like I was like, sitting on the ground or something.
Ooh.
Bro, clapped my whole ass, clapped my balls, my hamstrings.
Yo, your shit was clapped a hundred percent.
My whole shit was, like, beat to hell.
Was anyone around when your shit was getting clapped?
Yeah, dude, I was in Connecticut.
Oh, wow.
I was jumping off a Espos boat.
People watching you get your shit. Like, we used to do, dude, we used to do something called the drop-off. Where, oh, I've done this. You remember that shit? Yeah. So, we all.
It's me, the.
We don't need the jingle twice.
Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights, and rental cars. Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to 60% off hotels in the Priceline app. Fine. No one deals more deals than.
Please stop. Touche.
Oh, you'd never been to the lake house? We all, everyone had docks and what Espo's dad would do when he would take us tubing, because, bro, big boat, big wake, went fast. Yeah. And what he would do is, it would be sometimes a little difficult to him to pull into the dock by himself to grab the whips and everything to like, you know, kind of tie up on the cleats. He would just, so he would come, if this was the dock, he would drive and just turn right here and it would whip the tubes so we knew it was coming, so we would let go and you would skate off the fucking, bro, skip off the water like a rock. Yeah. And like, there were times that like, if you got a bad angle, you rolled over with it and like, your butt was getting blasted.
When I, I used to fall off tubes and it's like pretending that you got hit really hard by like a character and you're like bouncing off the wall like ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping.
Dude, you wanna hear something that is so me-coded? Oh, God. I'm gonna be so happy about this.
Jeez, that almost went through the table.
When we were like 12 years old, bro, we would go tubing three times a day, which now, if I went tubing now one time a day, I'm done for three days. Yeah. We would go tubing three times a day and at the end of every tubing session, I'd be like, "Good ride, boys."
Yo, you suck. "Good ride, boys." See, before Vin Diesel, there was him. You know what I'm saying? He's like, yo, we're family.
There was never me. I've never existed in the world before Vin Diesel. You kidding me? Although I've never seen a Fast movie.
You've never seen any of the Fast and Furious movies?
Never.
What? How did you even, how did you?
I've never seen a minute of a single one of them. Almost like there's like a clip of something.
Even Tokyo Drift?
None. Zero.
That seems like the one I'd watch because of Bow Wow. But I didn't watch that one, yeah. I didn't watch any of them. Pretty sure it's bow wow.
No, I didn't. I didn't see that one.
What song? Which is that drift? I'll have to say I don't know.
No, but I I refused. I refused because we had known someone that got hit by a drag racer. So it was like my standing up for what was right to not watch any of those movies.
Oh damn, I saw like five of them then.
So you're a piece of shit to his family and his memory.
Okay. Those movies made billions of dollars.
Yeah, they obviously. I mean, I think like the they have jumped the shark at this point in time to my understanding where it's like ludicrous is driving a car in space.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like.
It's like, let's tell. How do we get this Pontiac GT? Is that a good car? That's a piece of shit.
That's an old. I don't think Pontiac even exists anymore.
I don't know. It's like.
We got a Dodge Charger. You know?
Gotta land it.
It's a space car.
We're gonna drive this Dodge Charger into a rocket and it's gonna attach with the rubble.
That's my Vin Diesel.
That was Sylvester Stallone, I think.
That is also him too.
I feel like, yeah, that was.
That also sounded like you, but mid burp.
Well, Sylvester Stallone is here.
That's my Sylvester Stallone.
Oh.
Do an impression of anyone. Don't sit there and just be critical of mine.
I don't. I don't. I haven't.
Oh, no, you're you're.
Yeah, you get him.
No, you get him now.
You could do a Godfrey. Pretty good.
Who?
Gilbert Godfrey?
You could do Godfrey. Pretty good.
Oh. What do I say?
You don't remember?
Yeah, I do, but I can't.
Something wrong with is some.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is he? I need a line.
Line?
He's got no lines.
Oh, I thought you were.
You're the fucking computer guy.
What does that just make something?
Look up Gilbert famous Gilbert Godfrey lines.
No, it's fine. Don't worry.
Although he had some. Never mind, I'm not gonna do that. Uh.
You know, we do have. We have some sponsors for today.
Sponsors for today.
Sponsors. Okay. Um.
Not bad.
The first one, the first one that we have here is.
Read the whole ad as Gilbert Godfrey.
Don't do.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
Don't do that, please.
Squarespace, though. Um.
Making a website.
A space that's square. Um, Squarespace. It is a website where you can build your website. So if you make content or you have some sort of, uh, you know, ecommerce business or something like that, you can get started on Squarespace. They're gonna help you build your website and also help you run a very functional website. They have all the data and all these tools that are gonna help you optimize the traffic and everything else you need to run a successful website. The best part about it, in my opinion, is that they have templates that will populate a professional-looking website, literally with the click of a button. You just have to swap out all the text and whatnot, all the information, obviously, and you can get that up and running in a very quick amount of time. I think they're the best platform that does this type of thing. So I would definitely recommend them to you guys.
We've used them so many times before in the past and we still continue to use Squarespace for stuff. So, right now, you can head to Squarespace.com/basement and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement. Okay, again, that is Squarespace.com/basement and you will get 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement, alright? And we also have, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. Uh, they're the biggest therapy platform, um, in the world. They have over 30,000 licensed therapists. Uh, it's, like I said, it's the world's largest online therapy platform. Um, average rating of 4.9 out of 5 stars. Uh, I think that everyone should be in therapy. I, myself, have been in therapy for a long time now.
I don't even know how long. Um, and I think it's lovely. I do it every week. It's amazing. And you don't need to do it every week. You can kind of do it, you know, bi-weekly or sporadically, whenever you feel like you do. But I do think it's beneficial to everyone, not just people who are going through some traumatic thing or whatever. It's just, it's like going to the gym for your mind. But if you wanna get started with therapy, you can do so and you can save some money. You could save, uh, 10% off at BetterHelp.com/BasementYard, okay? That is B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com/BasementYard to, uh, yeah, get that 10% off. So go sign up, go enjoy it. BetterHelp.com/BasementYard.
I have another website for ya. Actually, I have plenty. Ant, what's your, you like the lemon party one, right? Not gonna do that, but I have a really good one for ya. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Oh my god, what? The best way to support us? One of my favorite things to do and one of our ways where you can get more of us and sooner of us? What? Patreon.com/thebasementyard is the subscription service on Patreon. Where you can go, you can take a look, you can gander and you can be like, "Oh, what's that right there? Oh, that's that first tier. That's where you get those weekly episodes in advance." "That's cool. That second tier. Oh, not only do we get those weekly episodes one week in advance, we also get exclusive episodes every single Friday." That's fucking beautiful. That's crazy. And if you don't love it, blame Ann, okay?
Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Seriously, you guys have been so unbelievably supportive. I think last we saw that we were like fifth in the world for overall patrons or podcasts or something like that. That's because of the love and support that you guys have showed us. So, if you've never been a patron and you want to check it out, go to Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Or if you want to come back, you can give it as a gift, whatever you want to do. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. We love you guys. We thank you guys so much. While you're doing it, if you want to save yourself a couple of extra bucks, do it on a web browser. If you go on an app, you're gonna have to pay a little extra because of like fees and smart app stuff and all that nonsense. I don't even know. So, Patreon.com/thebasementyard. And...
If you're seeing this on Patreon, a week early on Patreon, which is what we tell you you could do if you got that first tier or that second tier or any other tier after the first, you'll know that on June 17th... Yeah. The pre-sale for the new Basement Yard shows is going up, bitch. Pre-sale code basement. Go to thebasementyard.com and take a look. We might be coming to a city near you. There's a bunch of cities on here. North Carolina, South Carolina, Texas shows. You're gonna want to check it out. So, on June 17th at 12:00 PM Eastern through June 18th at midnight, using the pre-sale code basement, you can get your tickets. Now, if you're seeing this the week after that this has gone public on YouTube
and is no longer exclusive just to Patreon, there might be some tickets still available. So, still, go to thebasementyard.com and check it out. We're really excited. We're putting together a show that is gonna be so fun and uh it's gonna be a good time. So Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard and TheBasementYard.com for those pre-sale tickets with the pre-sale code Basement. If I keep talking, Ant can't crack his drink.
So I'm just gonna keep talking. I'm just gonna keep going.
I've been trying, I've been waiting. I didn't want to interrupt because I got yelled at last time.
What's the longest you think you can talk uninterrupted, like filibuster style? Also, great name for something.
Like you.
Fuck.
Yeah, that was loud as hell.
So loud.
How long could I talk straight?
Like, because we, we, we were talking before about cameo. And cameo, it's a lot of times, it could only be like 30 se- it has to be like 30 seconds or it could be longer than that and stuff like that. How long do you think you can go like, if you really wanted to talk non-stop?
This guy bringing up we both have cameos, crazy.
I didn't say that. I said I have cameo. I didn't say anything about your cameo.
Way to plug it, you plugger.
That feels like a slur.
That definitely feels like a slur. A hard R after two.
That was crazy. Can we call, can we call someone?
Josh, leave that in.
Leave it in.
Destroy him.
Get someone else in here.
Wait up.
Um, yeah, no, that was crazy. A hard R right there is wild. Um, what were we talking about? Oh, how long can I talk?
You know what's funny? If that was me, I'd be like, guys, seriously, shouldn't we take that out? And you'd both be like, no, you're fine. Um, um, how long can you talk filibuster style until you have fully filled your bust?
Those are two separate questions. Um, I think like if I'm going for it and it's like I have, I'm trying to go for as long as I possibly can.
And what's a? What constitutes as like a break? Like, can I stop and like think of what I'm gonna say?
If you stop for more than 10 seconds.
No, if you stop for more than, let's go five seconds, that's a break.
What are the rules? Can you do me a favor? Look up, because there are actual rules to how long a filibuster. Yeah, a filibuster is a real thing.
They just read Dr. Seuss sometimes.
Yeah, they just read Dr. Seuss or books up there. Just to buy time.
Did you ever see, um, the, what's it called? The Parks and Rec?
Hold on. I, I'm gonna need, um, an explanation.
So, in the United States, I don't know if it's Congress or the Senate or what have you. If they want to basically prolong a vote. They will do something called a filibuster where they will not relinquish their time and they'll literally stop. They'll talk unbroken. Until people finally give in and are basically like, fucking whatever. Let's just table the whole conversation to another time. Because they don't want it to be like, the vote's gonna go against them. I think, didn't Cory Booker just do like a legendary one?
Uh, I'll look that up, but just for the explanation, it's because, um, the Senate allows for an unlimited debate. Like, there's no cap.
So, people just go up there to extend the voting, like you said, by just reading books or just talking forever.
What a stupid and childish thing.
Yes, yes.
I mean, now we're talking American politics, that's a whole other thing, but yeah.
It is ridiculous. So, it's like, well, then I'll just annoy you.
That's literally like, okay, well. Mm, mm, mm. Being a little, little, little.
I guess we'll just talk forever then.
Catty little bitch.
A catty, catty.
Um, not very long. What's long? Like, I could probably do like forty minutes.
I mean, that is long.
I've done it before, like a solo podcast.
We are in a world where we do podcasting, so.
Especially if I can like, prepare stuff. That I could, I could go way longer than forty minutes.
I don't think preparing, I think the whole point of it is that it's not prepped. I think the idea is that like, they're just going and going and going and going. It needs, I imagine there needs to be some form of coherence. Like, you can't just be up there and just be like, hibbidi bibbidi.
Right. I think that if like, I could think about it for a little bit before. Then I could probably do it. Cause I used to do podcasts by myself and those were like thirty-five, forty minutes.
I did, I remember one time I did a podcast by myself and I had you help me like, edit it.
And we were both like. That was nonsensical. Like, it was just like, it was about a thing.
But like, it was just like, it got to the point where like, you just go down tangents and paths and you lose it, which is ironic, because that's kind of what we do now.
But at the time, I was just like, oof, that wasn't good.
Um, Booker's speech, the longest filibuster, was 25 hours and 5 minutes.
He talked for that long?
Yeah, of, uh, 200 plus pages of prepared material. Nope, I lied. 1,164 pages of prepared material. But 200 stories about stuff. It was just like, long. Fun fact.
Could you talk-
No shot.
For 25 hours?
No way.
I don't care about anything that much.
I mean, that's not true. You care about your family, you care about your job.
To a degree.
I, I think 25 hours is crazy.
Yeah, I don't, I like, I, I don't even know how that's possible.
I mean, you, you just talk at points, it just goes off on tangents, like you'll start talking about politics and you'll be in there about like Smokey the Bear or something.
But,
physically, I don't even know how it's possible, because sometimes we come in here and we have to record two episodes, and then we record videos, and by the time I get home, I, my voice is like horse.
Course?
Horse?
Horse.
It's horse.
Horse, yeah, you got a horse in your throat.
What's course?
Course is like when something is like-
Fine.
No, that's more when it's more like gritty-
Oh, course is the opposite of fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, horse.
Sand.
It's coarse, gets everywhere.
He doesn't know. If you could tell me where that's from, I will give you, say it how the character says it.
Exactly.
Um-
Give him the loca- no, not the location.
I hate sand. It's dry. I'm, I'm butchering it here to some degree. I hate sand, it's dry, it's coarse, and it gets everywhere.
That sounds so familiar.
It, it is quite, I know it's from something that you have seen in your life.
Is it animated?
Nope.
Okay, I hate sand, it's coarse, it's sandy and it gets everywhere.
It's something, it's coarse and it gets everywhere.
It's popular as being a bad line in this movie.
And in an arguably bad movie, but people have since come around and said like, no, it's actually really good.
Is it, uh, the, uh, fucking movie where the guy's like, I cannot?
The room?
No, that, that has some bad line delivery though.
Okay, what is it?
You're my favorite customer. Hello, puppy. Uh, Star Wars, Episode Two, Attack of the Clones.
I would have never gotten that.
No, that's why I was astonished and I would have offered you a lot of things. Um, but, so you, what's the longest you think, cause you just did the, the, the, the modern wisdom podcast. You guys talked for a while.
We did talk, we talked for two hours and forty-five minutes and I talked a lot there and then after that I was so, uh, tired. Me and Greg went to like a nice dinner and the, the waitress was like trying to be nice. And she was like, oh, so you guys like into, like, are you guys from around here? We're like, oh, no, we're from New York. And like, oh, you in town? Like doing, like, uh, going to any comedy shows? Cause I guess like the comedy scene there is like why everyone's there. Um, and I was like, just, I didn't say this, but in my head, I'm like, just the bread. Just the bread, cause I was so tired.
What about you? What's the longest you think you've like done podcasting?
I think I could go. I could go for a while.
Bro, you could play Mario Kart for a week long. The fuck?
The sub-a-thons get.
Yeah, but a lot of it's this.
Yeah, but.
I'm gonna beat you bitch.
Yeah, at, at night when like everything's winding down, we have like slumber parties and like.
Yeah, you guys sleep on stream.
Usually.
Now who's the plugger?
I didn't, I didn't say the name.
Double hard, hard.
Hit him, hit him with, hit him with something.
No, hang up.
Get that one out, we need him.
Hang up, hang up.
You need me?
Thank you.
So like, I could go for hours.
What the hell?
I didn't plug anything.
I think, because I've done a 24 hour stream and I talked.
Oh my god.
The whole, I've done two 24 hour streams and I talked, brother. I'm sure there were parts where I was just like.
But for the most part, I remained animated.
Bro, a 24 hour stream with you now would be bonkers.
It's, it's actually easier because you usually have people bringing stuff up and talking to you.
Well, yeah, you talk to the chat and like, honestly, at times, like the times where I thought it was gonna be the hardest is when the most activity was happening, like 4am, like there was like a thousand people in there or something like that. I, I think I peaked at like 1100 people.
Well, I guess at that time, it's like, if you're up, there's, there's like only a few things you can do.
I also had a lot of tea, like, I remember, like.
Just ripping pisses.
I, I mean, I, there was a, like those mornings, I was like, I, I took like bathroom breaks and stuff like that because you have to, you, there's physically no way.
Yeah, yeah, you gotta crap and peep.
You gotta pimp pimp.
Uh, but yeah, man, oh my god, I, I guess I haven't realized that.
What does that feel like, like when you're, when you're at hour 24 and you're like, ending, are you like?
Well, I did it straight 24 hours. The way that you guys do it is crazy where it's just like, every donation will do an extra 10 minutes and then people are sending donations so it lasts a week long.
13 days was the last one.
That is sickening.
And you, didn't you say that like it had to end because you guys had a wedding?
Yeah, but they decided to gather together and go, we're gonna make them miss the wedding. So we had to, we had to stop it.
I love that.
I love that. It was, I remember very clearly, I did it to, like, pay back the money that was fronted for me to get the equipment. And I said, like, if we get to that financial goal, then I'll do a 24 hour stream. The first, I really believe I broke it up into my feeling was like eight hours. Those first eight hours, I was just like gung ho, so about it. I was fun, I was happy, I was playing video games. Those middle eight hours, it was like. Fuck.
Holy shit.
And then those last eight hours, it was like, it kinda worked back toward it and then.
Cause you're like getting used to like, yo, it's almost over.
And then I, I remember, I don't know if it was the first one or the second one, but the Yankees were playing in game one of the ALCS against the Astros. So like, I like went out, after we finished, I like had champagne and I started drinking.
After being awake for 24 hours?
Yeah, I started drinking and Becca found me like passed out. But like not the passed out, like I remember falling asleep, like I was like watching and then I remember her waking me up.
Right. Cause you're probably so tired.
I, I'll have to find it. I had taken a picture of my eyes.
Why?
Cause they were all fucked up.
Oh. Dude, there's nothing worse than that. I mean, even in LA, like I had, when we were just in LA, I had trouble sleeping there because of like the time difference, I guess. And like I always get up at the same time. So out there, I'm three hours early. So I'm like wired at like 5am or 4am. And then I just like, the effect that not sleeping has on you is like insane. Cause I, I usually get, you know, seven and a half hours at least.
I know it's probably not a great thing, but I'm, I operate really well off like five and a half to six hours.
I used to rip four hours when I was younger, all the time.
And be chilling. Beginning of the year, when I was like pretty aggressively like going to the gym and stuff, I was going to sleep at 11, 10:30, 11, and I was waking up at four.
You know, which is like, I, I think is not good.
I mean, you probably like, I do appreciate how like that puts you down earlier.
Yes.
But dude, when I was younger though dude, and just like we would be up all night playing Xbox, I would be up till like 3am, go to school, same shit every day.
I used, we used to stay up till like four or five. And I remember in college, very specifically having an 8am class and being like.
Sun's up.
This is crazy.
Bro, it was so good. Or sometimes I'd be like, like, I think maybe that's why I'm such a good sleeper. Cause when I was younger, I would be in, me and Keith shared a room and like, I would go to sleep and Keith would be up telling people to suck his dick on Halo. So I like slept through that.
Boy was he.
Yeah, he was going crazy. My mom sometimes would come in there. That was my favorite. When my, when it woke my mom up, which I don't know how it didn't every fucking night.
Yo.
Cause he was bad about something.
My mom used to come in there and lose it.
It was, it was hysterical because you would just hear Keith. Ah, motherfucker.
Piece of shit. And then you would hear your mom.
Cause it was before like, it was before the technology where it was like, you really only heard the person speaking into the mic.
You could hear the whole room.
You could hear the whole house. And I remember hearing your mom coming down the stairs like, are you fucking kidding me?
Bro, he used to do this in our room was next to my mom's room.
And then sometimes she would come in and she would be, cause there's other people sleeping.
Are you crazy? And I'm laying a bit like, he is crazy.
Yeah. Yo, he got, he got after it with some of that shit. But like, all of us were at some point. And then also like, we would be in a party chat to like fuck with the other person. We would just kick them. So like they're in the middle of like a death match or slayer and then like they have to like stop what they're doing to rejoin and then they die and stuff like that.
Do you know what, like it blew my mind that that was like a universal thing that happened on Xbox. Like, cause I, I would see memes of it and people would be like, what's the shape of Italy? Like, I didn't know other people did that to their friends.
Let me ask you a question. Does that make it more special for you or less special?
I think more. It's like you, you participated in something that like was just the like.
The cultural norm, but I was gonna say like, didn't it feel more special when you would talk with your friends about it and be like, yo, me and my friends do this shit and it's crazy. It's hysterical. And you felt like it was yours?
May, I don't, I mean, maybe. I don't know. I kind of go back and forth with that type of thing because I do have, well, I think I've said this on an episode before where like, with COVID as horrible it was, it was horrible. I thought that there was something interesting about like, everyone's going through this at the same time on the whole planet.
So.
So like, it is kind of cool when you find out that like, oh, the thing that we like, you know, like little things, like I used to say, ali ali oxen free. Then you think that's the only thing that you and your friends know, but it becomes a thing that in other countries they even know. And it's like, oh, wow, what?
Yeah. So I guess, I know we were just talking about getting your dick and balls dragged by water. Uh, but.
Definitely something that's a shared experience.
Yeah. But like, at what point does an experience lose its luster by how shared it is?
Like, for me, I'm thinking in terms of like what you're saying, like the whole Xbox, because it has now become a thing, like, the, like, the world is like genuinely obsessed with nostalgia. I mean, Jesus, if you go on TikTok, there's so much of just like, you know, like Xbox parties and old snacks and games like that. And you know, that, that, that cuts me at my core.
Do you see the videos where they're, they're like AI videos of like, here's Christmas in 1994? And I'm like, that must fuck you up.
But I, I've seen them, but you know how I am with AI, I swipe the fuck away from them.
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I'm like, oh, I'm not supporting this bullshit. But I'll be like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I watch it and I'm like, like, there was one with a woman like pushing a cart in Blockbuster and I'm like, and it just like unlocks like thoughts that you haven't had in so long. And I'm like, oh my God.
It's weird because I remember as a kid having the difficulty explaining what are now considered shared experiences. And in a way, it like, it both like, calcifies how special it was to me, but also like, I don't want to hear about anyone else experiencing it. Like, I want it to remain my thing, but it is also cool that it was something that other people engaged in. It's a weird, there's a really fine line to ride there.
Bro, there was nothing better than that. Like, being like 16 and just, it was like you were with your friends all day and like, especially in the summer. And then you would get home and it's like, I am literally on Xbox until 4 a.m. every night.
And like, there was a sense of like, it was the, like, Even the internet back then was not the internet that it was now. I feel like the internet now is more of a representation of like Xbox game chats. Than they were what the internet was then, like.
No one is going on the internet to play flash games anymore. Like they're, they want that like-
Damn, MiniClip?
Uh, fucking, uh, Newgrounds? You remember Newgrounds?
What was the one that had?
Candy Stand, bro. Candy Stand had a-
Candy Stand had a, a golf game? Like a mini golf game?
Oh, that, like, you pulled it back to like, for like, the, uh, the power and shit like that?
But like, it was like candy on each level? Bro, I fucking loved that game. I used to play it in school all the time.
Addictinggames.com.
That one?
That one was a good one. There was a bunch on there. But I also was like going to like Cartoon Network and I was like playing The like Dexter's Laboratory mazes and shit like that.
Didn't even know that was a thing.
Oh, I do know what you're talking about.
Dude, there was some fucking Nickelodeon and Disney and Cartoon Network had the best flash games in the world.
Flash games, dude. But like, no one goes online, I guess they do it on their phone, but like, phone games are such bullshit.
It's so different.
It's so bullshit.
It doesn't, it doesn't hit like a fucking Fat ass computer just fucking click clacking.
And like, you know, like the game where it's like, you have to like judge how far to shoot an arrow at another stick figure.
Like now it's like, oh, Marvel, Contest of Champions, which is cool and I love and I play.
Awful.
But like.
It ain't stick figures.
It's overproduced, like, when, when you get a lot of hands, when there's money in it, more hands get on top of it and it's like, fuck you.
Yeah, I just wanna pull back this thing and shoot an arrow into a stick figure's head and watch him bleed out on the ground. And he would bleed out.
And then like, or I wanna do the one where I put just fucking sandwiches on this Kim Possible Rufus the Rat fucking, You know, taco. Put ingredients on this taco and Rufus could go send it out.
Yeah, stuff like that.
I don't mean to rain on any parade here. You guys sound a little boomer-y.
Well, if anything, by definition, it's not boomer-y.
The point is like the mentality of like, oh, it was better back when.
I mean, I don't know if, I, I don't wanna sit there and say better.
You don't get it because you don't like anything.
Don't do that, that's so true.
You're afraid to like stuff.
I like, I like.
Your fandom goes as far as, can you watch it?
That's it.
I like-
If I could watch it, I'm gonna like it.
Okay. That's not all the way true.
You don't like anything.
Well, what does that have to do with it?
You don't like anything that you can't... That... I don't know.
I acknowledge, I acknowledge, like, how that can come off sounding boomer-y. I'm not gonna be one of those people that's like, "Everything was better back then," because there was a lot of blind spots that our society had and things that were exploited and like, the way that people were treated.
Gay marriage wasn't legal in our lifetime, that's fucking hilarious.
Dude, yes.
Hilarious is the wrong word.
I mean, it's insane to think about, dude.
We know what you're saying.
In our lifetime.
In our lifetime, like, that was a thing, bro.
But like, I'm not sitting there and saying, because there are a lot of things that we could be critical about and are legitimately better now, but like, in the ways at which people, like, enjoyed themselves, like, the simplicity had a lot more enjoyment in it, where now, everything is monetized and like, yes, we are one of the, we are kind of part of that problem, I guess, in a sense, but like, there was a lot more of a feeling of like, it just was nnnn less evil back then.
There was more community, I would say.
There absolutely was.
I feel like there's more community now.
There's, but, but the irony is that in the accessibility to that community, there is less.
Well, what scale are we talking? Cause Frankie's skating around a grand scale, and I'm talking about like, like, there's, there's, there's also more opportunities for many communities everywhere now, on the internet and everything.
I agree, no, in that way. I meant like, um, you know, uh, there's a lot of people, especially the young generation, that like, don't socialize in the way that we were forced to when we were younger.
That's fair, but there's also more people that do, too. You know, there's two sides.
I think that there is definitely more accessibility to those forms of socialization, but with that accessibility and the need to place an identity in those groups, there just naturally becomes more separation, like, like, like, for instance, Star Wars has always been a thing, but now, Star Wars and its fandom is more divided than it has ever been, and that's because-
It just sounds so traumatic, but like-
I mean, bro, there, there, people have been bullied out of, the dude that played young Anakin Skywalker, Jake Lloyd, like, his life was fucking ruined because of the division of Star Wars fans. Like, the little kid-
Why, they don't fuck with him?
Bro, he like went and had like severe mental health issues as a result of the online bullying. The kid was like eight years old.
That is so fucking crazy.
Kelly Marie Tran was like, in the most recent Star Wars trilogy, she was basically bullied into-
Bro, can I just say also, people who get on the internet and say random things to celebrities, because they're like, they'll never read it, bro, they're gonna see it. Especially if a lot of you are saying that, and it's a psychotic thing to do, in my opinion.
And also people be like, eh, this is the job you signed up for. Oh, what? No, it isn't!
You, you, you sign up for eyes on you, you don't sign up for the pieces of shit that just feel like, now because you're in that position, they could say whatever they want.
I don't know, it's like, you, you're, especially people that are like in it for like, you know, people who want to be actors or something, it's like, I enjoy this art form and I was always into theater and stuff, and then it starts working out and it's supposed to be a great thing, but then, you know, the, the, the necessary evil that we're choosing to accept exists is like, well, you signed up for the fact that everyone's gonna, you know, paparazzi's gonna take pictures of you when you look the worst, and, you know, you don't get to be insecure and cry about that, and it doesn't matter, and whatever, like, you signed up for it, it's like, well, I just really enjoyed acting, and now you're taking pictures of me, pictures of me, and I'm completely insecure about myself, so thanks!
Or they, or they zoom in a thousand time lens on a, on your weener while you're on a boat.
Yo, that, honestly, they did that to Bieber.
Yeah, years ago, they were like on a boat, and they like zoomed in crazy, and like got a picture of him with his like dick out, and then he talked about it on Ellen, which is bananas, by the way.
Also, I mean, there's a lot of those Ellen clips that- The writing was on the wall. She was not very nice. You know, there's a lot of shit like that, but.
You could tell by the eyes. Um, but yo, I'm not kidding. Something like that happening to me would, I mean.
It's just your penis.
Yeah, but I would end up in jail.
Ah, I see.
I wouldn't do anything, but I would definitely make phone calls.
To, what is that?
I want the person who took that picture to get their fucking ass whooped.
Got it.
Like, what is wrong with you? Like, that's psychotic. And also the people who buy it are like, yes! You're nuts! You're crazy! These are peeps! These are peeps! These are human peeps!
Also, you know, unwanted taking pictures of a peeps.
It's crazy, yeah, and like, we're doing that.
I didn't know. Yo, the story of like, when he's like, older, the full story of looking at his life through like, a benefit of hindsight lens is gonna be insane because there is so much, like, that is the, that is the first and most intense example of like, that parasocial relationship that the world has had with a celebrity.
That's not even, that's not even that bad, probably. Um, like, the, the, that once, his documentary's gonna be great.
Bro, he's a legend. Fuck with the Beeps hard. We also fuck with.
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Try. Um, also, I wanted to talk about this, Frank, you brought this up, but you said that scientists turn, turn yeast from the stomach of an old mummy into bread? Yeah, so they went into like a 5,000, it was like 5,400 year old mummy. They took yeast? The yeast is in the stomach after that long? Isn't the stomach, it might have been the krufumpf. Is that the asshole? No. Pussy? There's no yeast in a bun. In a pussy? Why am I saying that vagina? Pussy?
Yeah, I'm saying it like, why am I doing porn right now?
This is, this is tough. Yeah, they took it and they made, you know what's funny is like the article I read was like, they made good bread. And it was like, they specified good, not like. Yeah, not like. Whoa dude. How is it? Dude. Is that a violation? Of the mummy? Of the mummy dude. It's my yeast. That's your shit. Yeah. Like, don't fucking take your. Do we have yeast? I hope. Or is that just? I don't think a boy's got yeast. I think it's just.
What do we have then?
Butts. Yeah. And piss.
I don't think.
Yep, men have yeast?
You can, where's our yeast? Where's our shit at?
You can get yeast infections.
No, we can, I know, I know men can get yeast infection. I've never gotten one. We know someone that has gotten a yeast infection.
The head of the penis.
The head of the penis got a yeast?
The head of the penis has a yeast?
It can. Yeah, no, men can get yeast infection.
Balantis.
What's that, who is that?
What it's called, Balantis.
Balantis, that honestly, that sounds like a crazy city. Like, awesome, like, it's been gone for years, but welcome back to Balantis. Yeah. So wait, I have a city of yeast on the tip of my wiener?
I don't know if you have right now, I haven't seen, but you can.
Oh, is that, it's bad if I have it? Yes, a yeast infection is not good. No, but do you just have it? I don't think guys have it, I think, I think women.
You like, you can, it can form.
It can form, and that's not a good. But I think that like, there is a natural.
Cause girls don't just have it either.
With. Don't, they don't have like a yeast?
No, it's bacteria that they get after.
Oh, I thought women have yeast, just like chilling them. I think that got that shit locked, loaded, ready in the chamber, just in case. Yeah, I think they have like, good yeast. Because like, remember there was years ago, there was like some streamer that made like, beer with her yeast?
Oh, Amaranth, she does everything. Uh, yeah, you're right.
Wait, why do you know exactly who it is?
Cause it, it didn't taste that great. Uh, Candida.
Hold up. You had yeast beer?
No, I'm kidding.
Wait, all beer has yeast?
I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no.
It's a joke, it's a joke, joke.
Yeah, yeah?
Ah, yeah.
We'll see.
Wait, wait, yeah? Whoa. Wow.
Six percent. Um, you, we, women naturally have yeast. It's called candida.
Canada?
They got fucked in the lower.
Canada shit, dude.
Canadian yeast.
Oh, candida. Your fucking shit is yeast-y.
You're just yeast-y in your.
Clam.
That was pretty good. Honestly, that was, sorry.
I didn't like that.
You didn't like clam?
No, it was good phonetically, but like physically it hurt.
Okay. There was, like, what movie was it where they referred to a vagina as a clam? And I was just like, ugh.
I don't like when dudes say shit like that.
Yeah, they'll be like, oh, the clam box. There's like three words I'll accept. Outside of that, I'm not into it. Oh, yeah.
We have Canada, too.
We do?
Yeah, we do have Canada.
Where's, where's our naturally occurring?
It just says, eh, uh, on the skin and in their body.
Got Canada on me?
So like, you could take scrapes of your skin and you could make sourdough bread?
It seems more penile.
Pee pee?
So dip your dick in like...
Bread.
Dough.
And you might fucking go nuts on some bread. You know that people would buy your dick bread.
I would try, I would try it.
You'd try your own dick bread?
Is that, was that gay or something?
I mean, it's right there.
You're eating your dick.
You're knocking on the door, brother.
I mean, I had a dream about eating my penis. Remember that?
That's right. You were chewing on it like a chicken wing.
Yo, I-
Crazy that you went chicken wing and you didn't go like footlong hero or something.
Bro, not only was I chewing on my penis in my dream like a chicken wing, but it was the most tender meat.
Yeah, you have often spoken about-
It was just like falling off the bone.
I gotta be honest, you speak about, you spoke about this and have bringing it up again to the point where like you seem like you kinda wish you could try it. Like you want a slow roasted smoked dick.
No, I do not. I do not want a slow roasted smoked dick.
I can imagine.
I mean, you're now getting crazy with all the adjectives with the cooking adjectives, so I know you're over there-
You're sitting there and you're talking about the how tender and juicy.
I said my, first of all, I said my own was tender in my dream. You're over there like, "Oh, I would throw it on the black stone."
I never said that. I never said I was doing that. I never in any point in time said that.
You tell me a guy, if he had, he made a penis for you, would need it?
No. I don't know. No. No.
Diners, drive-ins, and dicks.
Aw, slap some of this gangster sauce on this cock and it's fucking delicious sauce bombs.
Aw, man, this cock is donkey.
Oh, my god, this fucking dick is gangster, brother. You gotta eat some of it. Today, we're in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and we stopped at Rudy's to get some stick.
We're in Louisiana, home of the smoked cock, and today?
We're in Jacksonville, Florida, and we're trying to get our hands on some big balls and dicks.
Oh, my god. Alright, I'm here with Chef Roman.
Chef, tell me how you absolutely just pulverized this beef into mouth-watering, tender-y goodness.
A breaded dick.
He's got, he's got two rings on each finger. Let me taste that.
That's gangster.
It's savory, it's sweet, and it's dick for sure.
Welcome to Guy Fieri's Dumpster Restaurant. Today, we're putting cocks in a garbage can over nachos.
Yo, let me tell you something.
If there's another level of demonetization, we have just discovered.
I don't, we might owe them money.
Oh man.
Who's the CEO of YouTube? He's just gonna hit us up and be like, guys, come on.
What was his name? We looked him up.
Yeah, Paul?
No, Neil, right?
Neil, Neil, Neil. We're, it's good fun.
Come on, Neil!
This is all good fun, dude.
Oh, man. Welcome to Triple G. You can only shop in the aisles that have cocks.
We got no chance.
We've enlisted the best chefs, James Beard Award-winning chefs to cook penis.
These chefs are gonna work for 24 hours. Every hour, one is gonna get eliminated, but every hour, we're, as judges, are gonna eat dick.
And every dollar that we win is gonna be a proceed to feeding people in America. Chef, you have three Michelin stars. What does it feel like to be in the Triple G house cooking this penis?
How did this happen?
Gordon Ramsay goes to a restaurant, he's like, this fucking is awful. This cock tastes like dick.
Yo, we just did 10 minutes on dick.
I don't even know what to.
My work. Yo, what an episode. Oh, I'd hate to see the thumbnail that's made for this one.
I mean.
You know, we've, I think I'm just, yeah.
Alright, alright.
I can't wait to see what these notes say right now.
Yeah, those notes are gonna be crazy.
Oh, gosh.
Um, so, uh, what were we even talking about?
The mummy, mummified wiener.
The mummified shit.
I would do that. They said they were gonna make, they said they made bread, but they also would make beer. I would drink a mummy's dick beer.
I mean, you drank a beer that was made with bear shit.
That's true, and it tastes like beer.
And it tastes just like beer.
So like, there's nothing stopping you.
Yeah, like a mummy's.
So be honest. Alright, here we are. I know that like beer gets very hot. When they're making it.
When they're making it, like they fill it with shit. If they sold, like how they did with like Sydney Sweeney's bathwater.
But it was just like, oh, we just had a guy swim naked in here for an hour and then we bottled it. And it's, it's, we're calling it... Uh, ball beer.
Who's the guy?
That's a, that makes a difference?
Um, you're saying some guy, so I don't know.
Jalen Brunson.
Um, what are you talking about? I'm emptying the fucking...
Keg.
Yeah. If it's Jalen Brunson, if it's anyone on the Knicks right now.
Okay. Um... Uh, Bryan Cranston.
Will Smith.
Lesson to the ethic.
Yes, I need to find someone that would be like, wait a sec.
Hitler.
What are we, we can't?
I didn't think that...
It could get worse.
And now...
I was just trying to think of the worst person I could think of. Which apparently, according to some places in America, that's not the worst.
Yeah, oh god.
You would, so...
I'm pretty sure we said COVID at some point too in here.
Well, now we definitely did.
If we did, you just hammered it home.
Now we definitely did. Let's throw out a vaccine while we're at it.
All the words. Neil, how about that?
Stick it up to the man.
That's what, that's for you, Neil.
Oh, man.
All right, jokes aside.
Yep.
Jokes aside.
I would, I would eat, I would drink the beer.
If I swam in a, in a vat of beer and sold it just for.
I would sell.
I would try it.
You would?
Interesting.
Because if it was bad, then I would be like, bro.
Your beer sucks.
Your ball beer sucks.
Um, the bread, I guess, is tougher. I feel like you'd be able to like taste more of the balls and the.
Yeah, because I think at a certain point, any of the like human taste would just go away in the fermentation process of the.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, which, you know.
And once you butter the bread, some buttery balls, I guess.
But like, how are they able to extract yeast out of someone who's been dead for that long?
Well, bro.
How does yeast exist?
Bro, we know this now because Becca's been crushing sourdough. Those starters, like you can dry them out and put them like literally you dry out a sourdough starter and like it will stay good forever.
This was also a frozen mummy.
Does that matter?
Yeah, because I think it preserves the bacteria.
Yeah, but even in the freezer, things have a shelf life. Like, it's not like they're good forever frozen.
I never really thought about that.
Sublimina- sublimination, sublimation? I forgot the exact term, but like it's the process. It's the process of going from solid to gaseous. So like, have you ever like had a freezer and you left like an ice cube in the freezer and eventually like it doesn't melt, but the ice cube shrinks?
I guess.
It's the process of going from a frozen, like a solid to a gash, a gaseous state.
And what makes, what's the catalyst there? Is it just time?
I don't know. That's a great question. Look up the science behind sublimination or sublimation.
I'm already on it.
Yeah?
I don't know.
Gotcha, okay.
We're trying to save this goddamn episode.
Save it from what? This is one of the best episodes we've done.
No, I mean like. We're trying to balance all the science. A good example is like dry ice, you know, how?
Yeah, but that's that's not, dry ice is a different chemical, brother.
That's not what it's not what it's telling me here.
Do you guys like dry ice? Like if you get like a, if you're at a cocktail bar and they bring some shit out that's smoking, you fuck with that?
Hell, brother, yes.
I think that all drinks should be served smoked, not smoked, but like smoking.
Like with like fog about.
I, I went to this bar, uh, this like cocktail bar. And I actually went to a restaurant and then the owner was like, oh, hey. And then it was like, we opened a cocktail bar downstairs. If you want to try it out. I was like, sure. So I went, um, and all the drinks, like you order a drink and they put it in like a tray, like the two cups. And then they fill the tray with like the smoke and shit. So they put it in front. It's like there's smoke everywhere.
What was that one place that was huge for a while where they had like candy drinks or sugar drinks? It was called Sugar Bar? Where like it came. You know what I'm talking about, right?
Sugar Freak?
Sugar Freak, Sugar Fuck, Sugar Balls?
Sugar, sugar.
Slut.
Sugar, Sugar Gag.
Yeah, it's not that.
But like, and it came with like a bubble and like in the bubble was dry ice and then they pop it and it would like.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, like it was the fucking undertaker.
I kind of fuck with desserts when they have like a presentation like that where it's like, oh, we take this and we go like that.
The only one that I've never gotten is I'm not a big fan of, uh, uh, of cooked fruit is like bananas foster.
What's that?
It's where the bananas come on fire. Or like baked Alaska. I've never gotten that one either, but that one they they light that shit ablaze bitch.
I, I, I think it's like, there's like a cream and they light it up.
They just light cream on fire?
Well, we went to that place, that steakhouse in Austin. They do the fire steak. Remember? The salt comes on fire?
That shit was sick.
I kind of like when they do that type of shit too, where they like pour fire on shit and I'm like, this is dope.
I almost bought a kitchen torch the other day.
What do you need that for?
There, it, it, I'm not kidding you, I would use it for nothing.
But like, I, I was like, this would be cool, my hat.
Or like lighting a cigar?
That's what my dad does.
My dad lights his cigars, black and miles, with a full-on plumber's torch.
Oh yeah, and it's like, got the tank attached to it. It's got the giant tank, and literally, he'll be like, "I'm gonna light a cigar."
And I'm like, "So overkill, dad."
Also, danger? Could be danger.
I mean, here, I, I've been plumber thirty-five years, I don't care.
I've been plumber. That's what his fucking defense would be.
Dude.
My friends have a couple of those torches.
I'm into it. I like Zippo lighters.
It's not for cooking.
Dude, Zippo's, I'm a whore for Zippo's.
I don't like how the, the, the gas dries up.
I mean, that's, that's normal, I mean.
Ugh.
I mean, you just fill it with a liquid, you could buy the liquid for like, eight bucks.
Yeah, but then it dries, like, if you don't use all of it, like, it just goes away.
If it's in the tin, it should say "good for a long, long time."
But like, the one that I bought, it's like, you, you stuff it with like, a...
It's like a cotton or something, yeah.
And then you, you pour the whatever in, but like, and then eventually, if you don't use it, it just like, kinda evaporates.
Dude, I love it because like, I feel like I'm gonna drop it on like, a trail of gas and blow something up.
I would love to blow things up like that.
Like, just like...
So close.
And just like, walk away, in like, a leather jacket.
It is really cool that in movies like that, people walk away from the explosion, because if I'm exploding something, I'm looking. I don't have it in me to like, not look.
Well, those are, those are well-experienced exploders.
They must, they're, they're like, desensitized.
They're exploding all the time, like, of course, like, Wolverine is walking away, because like, no one gives a fuck, he's done so many explodings.
You know?
Isn't it funny how Hollywood decided that like, walking out of an exploded house is fire?
Like, it is. It is also, like, the concussive blast of the explosion would fuck you up.
Put you down.
Cause that's like, that will get ya.
I don't like explosions, man, they're too loud, I don't like them.
Have you ever seen an explosion, like, in Percy?
Um, the only explosion that I've seen...
I'm not gonna make that joke.
Don't, don't, don't, don't, we've already, we're already, we're already there. We're already in trouble.
No, no, but I, I did see, um, remember when Universal had that ride?
Stunt, yeah, like a stunt show.
And like Waterworld?
No, they would have like explosions, but it was like hot.
Well, yeah, you didn't see, you saw more of a like-
Controlled explosion.
Not even an explosion, it was just like a shooting of fire.
They explode, some things, some of the stunt shows.
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know, I think you're-
I don't know if I've ever seen like an actual explosion.
I'm trying to think, I, I can't remember, like, if I have seen an explosion or not.
What are we counting as explosion?
Like boom.
Like an explosion. What are we talking about here? We know what explosion is.
What an awesome name for it, too.
Explosion.
Explosion?
Congrats to the word people.
It's almost like, yo, whoever, yeah, yeah, you're right. The Latin people, I don't know.
I don't even know, yeah, where does the term explode come from? It's probably like Greek, and it was like, explubia.
Explosion, like if I, I feel like you can meet like a Baltic dude, and that's like his name.
I feel like that's something your brother would name another child if they had another boy. I love you, Tom.
Oh, we're thinking explosion.
Yeah, I mean, honestly, like, peak Need for Speed Underground 2 Frankie might have named his child Explosion.
It, yeah, if I had to live by the decisions that I was making at that age, it would be a completely different world.
Yeah, your kids' names would be Explosion, Steve McNair, and fucking, you know, Simple Plan.
Yeah, what?
I'd have weird tattoos.
Or NBA Inside Drive.
Jesus.
What a game.
That is a good one.
Anything on the origins of the word explosion?
Yeah, there's a couple of things, um, Rome, it's a, well, first, let's go-
No way, Italians?
Let's go Latin first.
Italians, they-
It's a, explodere.
That's French.
Explodere, I don't know.
How you, how you spell it?
E-X-P-L-O-D-E-R-E. Explodere?
Explodere, that's probably it, because they love to do that, sa quam videra, and shit like that.
And it actually means to drive out by clapping, or to clap someone offstage, similar to the word applause, honestly. It's like clapping.
Whoa, applause explosion. Not close enough, honestly.
I meant more the meaning, not the phonetics.
So like when we were done at MSG, they exploded us off the stage.
I think it's more negative, but technically you guys were exploded on the MSG stage. Yeah.
Damn.
I mean, I was about to-
I'm cool with that, honestly. Cause I don't think I've ever exploded.
I've exploded.
There, Neil. He's still going, Neil. He's still going.
Horns up, it's fine.
Huh? What'd you say?
Horns up?
That's, that's fine.
Is that like a Texas thing?
It's like a horny thing. Oh, it is a Texas thing. You're right.
Horns up-
Where are you, brother?
Where are you?
Is that like a motto you live by?
So-
You want more? I feel like I gave a lot there.
No, I'm more concerned with how horny you are during this recording.
I'm not right now. You two seem way more horny than me.
Yeah, I do.
Definitely don't. Definitely don't.
Yeah, I mean, you got the fishnet shirt on, so you're pretty like-
Oh, you are. You're taking a page out of the Joe Santagato book for shirts.
I need way more nipples.
Book for shirts.
Way more nipples, yeah.
Not me. I'm buttoned up. Like, you're never catching me nipples out. Even when I have, I have shirts that are more like knitted.
I mean, we've seen your nipples on the internet. You wore a tape suit.
Taped up, brother.
Yeah, but that was like- Damn, that was crazy that I did that. You remember how bad I broke out in a rash?
Bro, yes, I remember that stuff coming off of you and it was insane.
Dude, I broke out in a really bad rash right here, cause it like clogged my pores.
Bro, also, if you wanna humble yourself, tape up your body a little bit-
And look at it in the mirror.
It's disgusting.
Yo, it was, well, hold on.
It literally is.
Cause I was the one that got taped up. You wanna be humbled? Look at him, this filthy pig.
No, I've done it too, though. Not taped fully up, but I've like-
Have you?
Yeah, yeah. And then you get like tape on you and then you pull it off, you're like, yo, why is this like cloudy?
I thi- well, yeah, cause it's pulling the natural oils off of your skin.
All the Canada on me. All that Canada is filthy. Canada yeast. Great callback dude, absolutely great callback.
It's all in here baby.
I think we should do another Patreon goal that Joe this time has to do the tape suit. First of all, we gotta do our, uh.
Oh yeah.
That's what's coming. We should probably say.
You should probably say that.
Next week. Yeah, oh yeah. Next. Well, actually no. Oh shit, this is a week. If you're on Patreon and seen it, it'll be this Friday. This has been so off the rails, I forget that this is a weekly.
Well, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we are doing it on Patreon, uh, double, what was it? Edward Forty Hands. Yeah. Why did I, I was gonna call it something else.
Well, you can also tell them that it's, it's already up if they wanna sign up for Patreon.
Oh, you can. You're on the show too, so you just said it. Yeah, why don't you fucking say it? This is fucking.
You're right, go sign up.
Yeah, it's, it's on, it's on, uh, it's on Patreon right now where, I mean, I'm assuming that me and Frank are gonna be like a little toasty that day for sure.
Yeah, if all goes well, it's up, cuz, you know, we could run into some.
I'm figuring, I don't know how, like, I know how I'm gonna get home cuz you're gonna send a car, but like, I'm going to have to bring bottles in the car with me for piss. And like, I'm not even kidding, I'm worried.
Gatorade bottles.
About peeing? Yeah, wouldn't you? Like, think about it like this, you, like, we might wanna record that first and let that kind of be, like, set the tone and tenor for the rest of the day. That's scary. Why? It's a bad idea. Cuz then we're going, like, drunk into a full episode.
That's a bad idea.
We could do, we could do Patreon, do we have a Santa Got a Studios video to do that day?
We always do.
So then, we could do that and then hopefully be sober up a little bit by the time the weekly rolls over. Uh, we could try it, we can try it.
Okay, well, the old college try.
We'll figure it out. Yeah. But, listen, thank you guys so much for. Yeah, what an episode. I'm not kidding.
This one ain't gonna end up on an airplane.
No. I'll tell you that.
No, it won't.
Yeah, United's gonna be like. No. Not this one, this shit. You did 10 minutes about cooking cock.
I can't wait to see that on the internet. But yeah, thank you guys so much. Frank, we're gonna find you.
The Frank Alvarez all over the place. Go check out patreon.com/thebasementyard. Again, if you're seeing this on Patreon this week, June 17th at 12:00 PM Eastern, the shows, pre-sale code for the shows, pre-sale, sorry, pre-sale availability for the shows. Find it at thebasementyard.com and the pre-sale code is basement. Very easy to remember. It's literally our name. Go check it out.
And find me at @antprisco on Instagram. And you guys go follow me at Joe Santagallo. Go follow the show at thebasementyard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
Bye!
Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
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