The Basement Yard
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18,773 words · 7 speakers
Ugh, I hate Mondays.
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Welcome back to the ba-
Welcome back to the basement yard. I'm here with Frank, who just told Ant he's a beautiful boy multiple times in a row. What was that about? He's like, "What a good-looking boy. What a beautiful boy."
No, I didn't stop. See-
You did say it. You said it.
I, I... He does this to us all the time, my beautiful boys, when we walk in. So I decided to...
Place it right back to him. I gave him a beautiful boy.
You gave him too, but the second one was like, "Fucking beautiful." Yeah, you literally did do that.
I mean, I'm in admiration. I think he's a good-looking guy. I want to make sure that I give him the proper credit where credit is due. When you do that, that sucks. I'll tell you that.
You didn't like that? You didn't like this?
What is that?
Yeah.
I don't know, I thought it was cute. Do you guys, did you guys do family portraits growing up?
Yeah, I did.
You did? Like, white people? For real?
I... Yeah, I think so.
I know, but I'm white too. I think I did one when I was a, like, a baby.
I remember the baby one of you. You're in, like, an old-timey sailor's costume or some shit?
Yeah, I looked like I own a cereal company or something. Like, it was, yeah, me and Keith, for, like, Easter, my mom would dress us up like Cabbage Bash dolls or something.
Yeah, Becca's parents did that too. I remember when we were, uh, buying our house, her mom, like, gave her, like, a basket full of, like, "These were your baby clothes," and it was like, it looked like it was made out of yarn from fucking Michael's.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, "What is this?"
Like, these people are on the Titanic. Like, that's what it kind of looks like.
Well, they lived out in Oregon, so they were as close to, like, you know, like- Living on the Oregon Trail hippies as you could possibly be. You know?
How old were you, like, do you still do family portraits?
No.
When did you think you stopped did?
Stopped it. It was just me, it was just me and my sister. My, I don't think my parents joined in.
That's not a family portrait at all.
It was before your brothers?
It was before my brothers, so I was young.
But they wouldn't, they, they wouldn't be in the photos with you?
I, I think they got in for a couple, but I just distinctly remember just the ones with me and my sisters. I was holding roses, I was in a white button down.
Oh shit, you were doing Macy's type of shit?
I mean, I did them as an adult, like.
Did you?
Yeah, you don't remember that, like, the picture in my house, I like?
Oh, yeah, but that was just you.
Oh, you all were in that, that's right.
We all had them, and there was another one, like, we were, because we did it for like Christmas one year, my sister organized it, and she was like, let's get playful with it. So there was like, because you go to these places, and they have like props that you can use. So one was like a rock, so I like, went on the rock and like kicked my feet up.
Did you do family portraits like every year growing up?
No, no, no, no. I remember we did them like as babies, I don't remember it as babies, but I know we did it as babies.
You, you do family portraits right now?
Like portraits is, is a stretch. We're not like going to a studio to do them.
But you're like outside as a photographer?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do a photo shoot.
Yeah, photo shoot, yeah, like a portrait.
I guess, I guess, I guess, I guess.
When does that stop, do you think?
Selfishly, I hope never.
Right.
Like, I hope we have them every year forever. I'm sure the kids are gonna get to a certain point where it's like, they don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah. It's weird that this is coming up, because, you brought this up, right? Because I'm, I'm literally, we, we are booked for a family portrait. My sister organized it for my mom's birthday, so we're doing one like next month, and for the first time in like, I, I couldn't even tell you.
That's gonna be fun, that's gonna, bro, first of all, that's gonna be the greatest gift your mom has ever had, she's gonna cry.
Prepare a weeping.
She's, I mean, she's not gonna cry at the photo shoot.
No, no, no, after, when she gets them, you know?
She might.
She probably will.
She's hit or miss sometimes.
Really?
She's like, she, she's so like, uh, like she'll cry at stuff that I'm like, this? But then other stuff she wants, she'll be like, oh my god, this is so nice.
What's the like, hundred percent guarantee, you know, like, you know you can make your mom cry with it, if you show her, have her listen to it, see it, whatever?
I don't know if I have an answer to that.
I don't know, I don't, I don't know, cuz sometimes like, she's, she gets,
she gets me, every time she cries, I cry, but like, it's so hard to tell when it's gonna get her emotional. Cuz she's like, really like, Irish and strong about certain things.
Well, she was raised Irish Catholic, which is like, you better not cry and you better believe that.
No, but like, even my grandma was like, like, uh, my aunt, her daughter had passed away before her, and she was just like a G at the thing.
That's crazy.
This is cra- I mean, she definitely cried when we first got there, and that was like, the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen. But then after that, like, during the wake, she was just like, chilling, and I'm like, how is she doing this?
I mean, that's a different generation, like, uh, they, she was feeling it.
They're numb, dude, they would go to school, they'd do cursive, you, you can't figure it out, and the teacher would beat the shit out of you with a ruler.
Well, school back then was like, also like, a schoolhouse, near the quarry, you know, like, they didn't have, I'm talking to your grandmother's age.
Yeah. I don't even know what you're talking about.
Well, I'm saying, back then, it's like, they also had a hard time getting to and from school. It'd be like, three years old, they'd be like, alright, time to go to school, walk five miles.
I think that, maybe I'm making this up, but maybe she went to St. Francis?
Your grandmother?
Yeah, I think so.
Bro, your grandmother was older than fucking sliced bread, there's no way.
No, no, look up when sliced bread was invented.
I think it was in like, the 30s.
It was after Betty White. So then, my grandma was like, 20...
My grandmother was 26, I remember that.
She might have been 29.
I remember that because we had her 75th birthday party, I've told this story, and it landed on what year?
2001.
Yup.
Um, sliced bread was invented in, uh, 1928.
Yeah, dude.
Ooh, it was close. I don't know when her birthday was, to be honest.
I mean, my grandmother was definitely alive before sliced bread.
That's so weird.
That is weird. So, think about it, that means that...
What the fuck were they eating, just loaves? I kinda like a loaf.
Dude, cutting your own bread is kinda cool.
Cutting, bro, you gotta rip that bitch.
Nooo. We got like, a bread cutter?
Nooo.
And it's like, an old timey wheel, it's kinda fucking cool, dude.
How does that work?
It's like, you put like, it's like, uh, it's like a deli slicer?
Ah.
And like, you would just, the like...
Girth?
Thickness is
Yeah, that's what I was looking for. I mean, tomato, tomato, right?
I mean, sure.
It is. And you just like, you push it through and you crank it? And then they're just like, it slices off? That's fucking nice, dude.
I like ripping a bread, though.
You like, like, like when Aladdin ripped that bread?
Oh, my god. You know what I low-key like? You know when you take the elbow off of an Italian bread?
Hmm.
And I like to dig it out like that. And then I just have like a little hat.
Oh.
What we would do is when we would have like pasta night? We would get the Italian bread, we'd fight, my brothers and I would fight over who would get the ends.
Uh huh.
Cause then you dig it out and you just fucking stuff it full of spaghetti? And then you have like a spaghetti sandwich.
Oh, you would shove the elbow full of spaghetti?
Hell, yeah, dude.
Oh, I don't know if I've ever done that.
Dude, some of the elbows are hard, dude. I mean-
It's hard elbow.
It's tough. You, you grew up in a, in a big pasta house. I remember your mom making a lot of pasta.
Okay.
But I'm saying like, you never did pasta sandwiches or anything?
Pasta sandwiches?
No?
I don't think so.
I would ask-
What's a pasta sandwich? Just that?
Pasta sandwich was, you know, like you had pasta, but you take a slice of white bread or like, you take a fucking end of Italian bread? And you just put, you put the pasta in it, baby?
No, I never, I never did that.
I mean, she would make a fucking meatball parm every now and then.
Your mom made the meatballs, fam.
Oh, my god. My mom used to make meatballs like every other day.
That was, I remember meatballs, I remember pasta. I know you often bring up your mom's broccoli.
Oh, my god.
But dude, there's nothing better than just a slice of white bread. And you just, some fucking wet spaghetti with some red sauce and you hold it like a taco?
Hear me out, with a cup of whole milk?
So good dude.
That is so insane. That is the most like, like I would never eat that in this year.
Why?
Because that's, I mean, one whole milk is bananas.
I mean, you could have a cup of whole milk and exist. You drank like three, three quarters of a gallon for the hot one's video.
That was out of survival. I mean, I was not gonna live if that, if that didn't happen.
If we walked into Joe's apartment and he was eating that, we would, what are you doing?
You know what I have done?
I would be very excited.
You know what I have, there's no way. I mean, I could be eating anything and he would fucking scream at me, but do you know what I have done that's absolutely disgusting, but like I was desperate? When we were younger and we'd be in Connecticut and it would be, we would be like drinking all night or whatever. It would be like 2am and I would go into Asbo's house and I would just take a hot dog bun and I would put ketchup in it, close it and eat that.
Yeah, you were, I remember as kids.
Ketchup sandwiches.
You were a big bread and ketchup guy.
Like I remember in elementary school, getting school lunch and seeing like you, cause remember it would come with like a little like bun?
For the, like a burger?
Whatever. No, like the lunch sometimes just came with a little bun, like a biscuit bun or whatever.
It was a bun.
I remember you ripping that and dipping and swiping the plate with your fucking bread.
And it, I mean, not bad.
I don't hate that. It wasn't till you started dipping your pita bread in ketchup, which was crazy.
I mean, bread is bread. Pita's an amazing bread.
No, no, no, no, no.
What's the number one bread? Is it naan?
I am super partial to pita. Naan is up there.
I feel like I like naan more than pita. It's just, isn't it just the same but flavored? I don't really know.
I think it's also cooked different.
Can I tell you something?
I'll tell you.
I'm gonna be brave here. I'm gonna be brave here.
Oh boy.
The first time that I just like heard of naan bread, so I was like, oh, we should get some naan bread. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. I thought it was like a supplement.
Like an impossible burger?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was like, you know, gluten free bread. It was like naan bread, bread. I like, I didn't, had no idea that it was.
I, I love naan, the times I've had it. I started to like it even more once I saw how it was cooked. When they just fucking bang, throw it into the fucking oven on the wall.
It's so like careless too. Like they got it and they're just like. And then it stays somehow, it just stays, it's incredible.
It's like, have you seen those videos of like, street cooking in India?
Where it'll be like a vat of hot, like, oil and the guy will just put something in and he's like...
I will say those are the most insane videos I've ever seen in my entire life.
Why is the oil black? Why, why, like, what would we have to do to get you?
Frank.
To eat that food?
First of all, me.
You. Oh, no, no, you know me, I'll eat it.
Just, Frank.
We won't be able to leave the fucking...
You're dying in India.
If you have this oily, like, street food thing.
Yeah, brother, I'm not making it out of there.
There's a guy on TikTok that I've seen, which I don't know how offensive this is, to be honest.
It's alright, let it fly.
But, I mean, well, uh, but he's like, "I'm gonna eat the street fu- street food every day for however many days to see, like, when I'm gonna get food poisoning."
Yeah, I mean...
It's fucked up.
It is. It, a hundred percent is.
There's no way I'm holding up there, though. I mean, fucking Indian food around here...
I can't, listen, I'm not gonna sit here and...
If I don't have a base of bread, I ca- I just...
I'm not gonna generalize all Indian street food and say like, "It'll get you sick," cause I don't know, but I have seen videos of some that's been like, "That does look like that would, that would mess up, gum up the works," so to say.
I mean, it's, you know, sometimes there's people cooking stuff.
I'll tell you this, I do wanna get those, like, the drinks that they do.
Oh, where it's like...
Where they like, make it rapidly, but like, they're not really making it rapidly, they're just like shaking their head really quickly.
They'll put the ice in the cup and then take the ice out and smash it, put it back in the cup, I'm like, what?
You're gonna tell me that doesn't look awesome?
I appreciate a show, though. I'm big on the show.
I, I'm, first of all, I feel like in that situation, you're probably not paying enough, cause you're getting a meal and a show.
You know?
I like it, where it's like, oh, dude, you know what I like watching? You ever see someone like, uh, they make Moscow mules, but they make them so fucking fast? And there's a point in it where they're putting fresh lime juice into it, and they just have like the squeezer, and the guy's just like...
And just fucking go. No, I'm not, I don't know if I've ever had, I might have had one, but I don't know if I appreciate a Moscow Mule.
You've never had a Moscow Mule?
I can't recall ever having one, and if I have, it's been like a little sip. I've definitely never ordered one.
Wow, that's crazy.
I just don't, you know.
You don't like ginger?
I love ginger. I just never had one. I don't know, there's no like rhyme or reason to it.
You gotta get one.
Going back to bread though, sourdough?
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Becca's been making sourdough, and I'll tell you right now, put me on a gurney, open my legs, blow away what's there.
Alright. I'm not gonna do that. Someone better though. Open my legs and blow away what's there.
Like with a gun.
Yeah, but I don't, I don't remember my mom making pasta that much. I'll tell you what we did, we did do every so often, we'd be, we'd like be like, Mom, can we have breakfast for dinner? And she would make us like pancakes or waffles or some shit like that.
That's the whitest shit I've ever heard in my entire fucking life.
It wasn't all the time. It was like a, it was once a quarter.
Bro, please, please, Mom, please, can we have pancakes for dinner, y'all? That's the whitest shit.
How is that the whitest shit?
It's the whitest shit I've ever heard of.
You're shoving pasta into the elbow of a bread and saying, I have a sandwich.
That's modern ingenuity at its finest.
You're eating like Aladdin.
Uh oh, what's wrong about that? Also, what is Aladdin famously not?
White. Have a house.
That's what he famously is not.
He does have a pretty sick view of Agrabah. No, he has a pretty cool like little setup there.
It's not his. It's an abandoned building.
I mean, what is one man's trash if not another man's treasure?
Sure.
So there you go.
Oh, speaking of breakfast and pancakes, I have something.
Oh, boy.
I have.
Oomph. What would you consider is the best style of pancake?
Can we get this out of the way before we start talking? Crepes are like, overrated as hell.
You could, you could, you could die.
You like crepes like that?
I love crepes dude.
Crepes are overrated.
Like a savory crepe?
But it's not a pancake.
I mean- It definitely doesn't belong in here.
We're not gonna argue semantics. It is kind of technically a pancake. It's just gotten more liquid than cake. But-
What?
More liquid?
Yeah, like, crepes are just thinner.
How is that more liquid?
They're not wet.
Because when you, like, the batter I'm referencing. In order to make a crepe, it's a thinner, like, liquid.
Oh, I was like, I don't know what you're talking about there.
So, best pancake style?
Oh. We have classic fluffy souffle crispy crepe thin.
I will say the, the... Is that how you spell souffle? I would've not got that.
I'm not sure.
I believe it is.
Well, that, uh, I think is not great. Unless it's in Japan. Cause I've seen those videos of them making those fucking fluffy, like, you smack them like a butt.
There's a fuck Japan, there's a place, oh, don't-
That's crazy, you said fuck Japan.
Sorry, my bad, my bad, my bad. My bad, guys! I meant, forget about them having them over there. There are places in here that have them.
In here?
In here, in the US.
Within the continental.
There was like, a video that went viral that was like, New York City's best pancakes. And it's just like, it's basically a cheeseburger of a pancake.
Hell yeah.
Like, it's a big bitch.
Yeah, I'm not into that though. If I'm getting pancakes, like, that's another thing. That's a no, that's a different day. But if I'm getting pancakes, bro, I'm going crispy!
Yes!
I like the edges to be like, na, na, na.
Ew! What's wrong with you guys? Crispy's the last thing I want my pancake to be described as. Just get a waffle.
But it's not the whole pancake, it's just the edges. The, the middle's still a pancake.
Circumference of crisp.
Ew!
It's an outline of crispy.
I'm not, I'm not, I mean, listen, I don't dislike, I wouldn't by any means call them crispy. I don't dislike when they're cooked like that. But in this situation, give me the classic, baby. I mean, the good old-
Boring!
Boring! I mean, there's a reason that it's the best. It's, it's, it's fucking iconic. I'll also say this, I'll throw this out there. Waffles over pancakes.
That could be true. Waffles, French toast, pancakes at the bottom. Oh, actually, I don't know.
Of the Belgian variety, or Eggo?
You could, they could come from any country you want them to come from. Hmm, we're gonna go Belgium though, obviously.
You like Eggo's over Belgium waffles? No, I'm not saying that, I'm just like, I don't know, cuz like, the Belgians do it where like, you can get it in like, the middle of the day. I like my breakfast to be appropriately timed. It's breakfast because it's breakfast.
You've never had breakfast at night?
I'm sure I have, I don't love it. I remember during college, during like, finals week? You had some pancakes? They would like, keep the, the, the dining hall open through the night for those people like, studying super hard and be like, we have breakfast at midnight. And I'd be like, this is fucking stupid.
Really? I feel like everyone likes breakfast at night, it's a nice like, change of pace every once in a while.
I mean, but you can change the pace with just different meals, like, it doesn't need to be...
You never had a drunk bacon, egg and cheese?
Yeah. Bacon, egg and cheese is its own thing. What about a McGriddle?
What, what, bacon, what?
Dude. What is a McGriddle if not a bacon, egg and cheese? Yeah.
Well, it's on the breakfast menu.
I don't consider, I know it is. Uh huh. I am allowing bacon, egg and cheese to exist outside of the realm of breakfast. Alright.
So you're, you would say that bacon, egg and cheese is not a breakfast?
I would say it can be if it wants to be, but I'm allowing it to choose what it is. Would you avoid breakfast foods at that time? At dinner? 2 AM, 3 AM? No, because it really depends on like, the atmosphere. I'm not having, if I'm having breakfast foods past noon? Noon? What, you've never been to a brunch? I have, but my brunches have been from like, 10 AM to noon. Oh wow. If I'm, if I'm at brunch and it's after 12 PM, the only thing I'm eating is the bottom of this fucking champagne bottle. First of all, that's both, brother.
You never showed up to a brunch at like 1 o'clock, get it going?
No, cuz that's not brunch anymore, that's just lunch.
Oh, man, it's a, you're making good points.
Isn't brunch a combination of those?
Yeah, but that's why it's like a 10 or 11 a.m. thing. But before noon would be breakfast, obviously. No, I would say, I would say breakfast is like, you know, I understand people wake up at different times. Breakfast ends at like 11. Yeah, at McDonald's. First of all, you get breakfast all day, I believe now. Second of all-
Not at McGriddles, bastards.
Bastards.
They know what they're doing here, they're fucking cock teasing the world. Yeah, that's crazy.
Brunch is a 1 p.m. thing. It feels like a 1 p.m. thing.
If you're gonna, if you're gonna like drink alcohol.
Alcohol is a anytime thing. It's only problematic, it's only problematic when it's an every day, every time. I personally would not go to a brunch at, not that I, I wouldn't, but like, I would prefer not to go to a brunch at 10 a.m. I also like, don't really eat at 10 a.m. Yeah, you also need to acknowledge in this argument, you have the eating regularities of a very irregular reader. Huh, you like that. That's a long-winded way to say that.
Say that three times fast.
Yeah. You have the regularities of an irregular type of person. I'm not gonna sit here and argue it. I will say though, that to me, breakfast, depending, of course, there are people that work the night shift, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Breakfast is until 11 a.m. Okay. 11 to 12 is brunch. Brunch, and then lunch is after that until dinnertime.
You can't give brunch one hour.
Yeah, it's gotta be at least 12. I, I'm also not, I am not bestowing this, these, these, these, these guardrails on them. So you only have, wait, what was it? Go to any, go to any place that offers like bottomless brunch, when do they offer it? Whenever. No, they don't.
They offer it 10, 10 to 2, 10 to 3.
Yeah. Bro, it's in the afternoon, I'm telling you. Like, it definitely goes to the afternoon. I think that's stupid. I think it starts earlier, obviously. I think that's really dumb. I mean, hey.
That's fair.
I think that, uh-
Well, like lunch, when does that start? Ten a- or eleven?
I think eleven thirty is lunch-ish.
See, like eleven thirty to eat like a fucking deli sandwich is crazy to me.
I mean, there are people that start their workday at seven AM, so that's, you know, five and a half or four and a half hours after they start work, that's normal.
Yeah, I guess so. I just haven't had a real job.
So I don't know.
I remember, you know, when I worked construction, it was seven AM start, nine fifteen.
Would you eat?
I would try to eat, but it would be tough. So like, I would sometimes just wait until coffee at like nine fifteen. And then eleven thirty lunch, and then you were leaving for the day by three. Yes.
Technically, breakfast has a time, and lunch has a time. Wouldn't brunch just be the combination of how long breakfast and lunch is?
It's a Venn diagram. There's a little bit of both.
Cause it's a combination, br- brunch.
Well, I see, like, yeah, but eight AM, you're not at brunch.
You're not. That's insane. You're at breakfast.
Alright, so what, well, hold on. We need to specify what is separating breakfast from brunch, and it's the inclusion of mimosa.
If I could get a mimosa, it's brunch. I don't, it doesn't matter what time.
No shot.
So.
Eight AM, you're not at brunch.
If I'm having a mimosa, I'm at brunch.
Joey, you, I, it's also like, it's okay.
What about five o'clock? You have a mimosa, you're at brunch.
AM?
PM?
Well, you know what? Both. AM and PM.
Am I eating eggs?
I'm at brunch.
Come on. You're bending, you're bending here.
No, definitely more, no, five AM is, five, five, five?
Five AM's, if you ain't drinking a mimosa at five AM, literally, it's insane. The sun's not even out.
You're a really cool person.
It's probably just because I didn't end yet.
It wouldn't be because I woke up.
Still drinking mimosas at five AM, you have an ulcer.
Five AM, five AM mimosas is a boozy breakfast. That's what they'll call that.
Boozy breakfast.
Call it a boozy breakfast.
Really good.
But.
Not five AM. This is like a boozy lifestyle that we're talking about.
Remember what we used to do on St. Patrick's Day?
That was at like eight AM, and those were beers, that was different. And it was also, it was also St. Patrick's Day, and I was wearing a shamrock. There's a lot of things at play.
We would literally sleep over each other's houses, and go to sleep, and put a tall boy next to our bed like it was a fucking nightlight.
And then eight AM, we would roll over. And crack it and start going.
If you're saying bacon, egg and cheeses are outside the rum of breakfast, I would say St. Patty's Day is outside the rum of drink.
Yes.
Not a normal day.
Doesn't count. I agree. I agree. Full, full heartedly.
Also, when they do green beers.
Disgusting. Oh, I daddy has taken down many a green beers and also I one time in college, there was like a super fucking dive bar and I went in like
September or August or something like that. And they were like, we're doing 50 cent beers. And I was like, oh, sick. I'll take one. And it was green. And I was like, what the fuck is this? They're like, it's still leftover from St. Patrick's Day.
So guess what, though?
It's beer.
It's I drank.
It's just beer.
I mean, what's the difference between a 50 cent green Milwaukee's Best and a $2 green Milwaukee's Best?
And a, and a bucket of piss.
What really is the difference between all those things? You know what I mean?
Brother, I peed hard.
Do they have to put blue dye in it to get a green or green dye?
Green.
I have no idea.
Never made them. Are you kidding me? You guys, you guys are alcohol kings. You're the kings of booze.
Do you make like Jell-O shots? Are you that guy?
Yeah. We talked, we talked recently about this. Yeah.
You make them, though? I could do them, yeah. I've never made them.
I've only eaten them.
It's more like slurp, but yeah. Yeah, it's, it's a lot. You gotta do it in private.
I will say, there is someone out there, if we ever go on Shark Tank for anything, we can pitch a really cool like Jell-O shot cup that has like a spring loaded bottom.
It inspires a Jell-O.
You could like, you could like hit it, it like stands and sits as a regular cup. And then you could like push it down and like the spring underneath will just like pick up the Jell-O.
I'm not a big enough fan of Jell-O shots.
Yeah, I mean, it makes sense why you wouldn't.
Are they shots?
Yeah. There's less, there's no, there's not that much.
Yeah, like each one's not a shot, right?
You could have 30 of them and it'd be equivalent to like six shots.
Do you like mix it in a separate thing and pour it in?
So when you, when you make Jell, have you never made Jell-O?
I have made Jell-O, but I don't know, like with the shots, I don't know if you like add that into the ice tray or whatever. So, when you make, like, the boiling water, Uh huh. And you add it into the, uh, fucking mixture, the powder, you add in like, Oh, okay. Three quarters of a cup or whatever, of whatever alcohol you wanna do, so it's not like...
If you're supposed to...
King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?
Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one!
Mmm!
But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.
Taylor Hanson? Nice!
King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.
You're supposed to put in two cups of water to it?
You'll do one in one.
Water, one cup.
Whatever you want.
Alright.
Like lime Jell-O, you put tequila in it?
Yeah, we get that. We, we figured it out. Should we do a Jell-O shot episode?
Oh god, it's hard.
I mean, I don't wanna do like a million... I mean, it's gonna be such fucking bait for all the horny people on the internet, cuz it's just gonna be like... I mean, the audio listeners are gonna be like... Alright, you're going fucking crazy on it!
Bad? We did a thousand, one time.
Excuse me?
Did a thousand Jell-O shots.
How many people? Forty people living in your house!
It was six, it was five of us.
Five people did a thousand? And you're alive to tell the tale? That's crazy.
Sort of, it was, it wasn't, it was hard.
First of all, I couldn't, I couldn't eat a thousand pieces of Jell-O. Give me the information, baby, come on!
It was, it was just, it was tough. We, it was, I think it wound up, we wound up doing six hundred, we tried to get to the thousand, spoiler alert, but... We did six, like, six hundred.
Oh, he's trying not to spoil the video, so people will then go look it up and they will see.
Dude, you, you ate a thousand Jell-O, I mean, a hundred Jell-O shots?
Yeah, we did that as well, yeah.
I, I think- That's insane! That's not as hard as you think.
I think Danny did a hundred.
Bro, I don't think I've had fifty in my life.
In your life?
In my life.
I think Danny did a hundred and eight.
That's a good question.
I've never, uh, bro, that's insane. Uh, e- how, were you not like hammered?
Everyone was throwing up, so it was fine.
Well, it's also the, the combination of the alcohol, gelatin and sugar.
Oh no, sugar free. We're not crazy.
Oh, I mean.
Oh, yeah.
So forgive them.
When am I gonna destroy my body?
Guys eating six hundred Jell-O shots are nuts.
Yeah, whoa, I'll do six hundred shots, just not sugar. What am I?
You can't do that and sugar Jell-O.
I mean, you're getting the sugar with the alcohol anyways, so.
Yeah, but it just double whammy, can't do it.
Yeah, it's bad.
We could do a Jell-O shot power hour.
No, we can't.
Yes, we could.
That's too many.
It would be sixty between each of us? I think we definitely could. You say, sorry, sixty each?
Am I crazy? Twenty Jell-O shots is a ton.
It is. You won't be able to do, you won't be able to do it.
You don't think I can do twenty Jell-O shots?
No, no, sixty. You won't. I, I, I could just clip sixty like the first time I tried.
You can do twenty Jell- dude, that's a ton of Jell-O.
Brother, twenty Jell-O shots I can do in twenty minutes. I guess that's power hour, so like. That's not that hard.
I don't even wanna dare you to do it.
It also depends on the size. If we're doing like fucking like this, but like a normal, like the cups they come in.
One ounce. It's, it's an ounce.
Yeah, I could.
Bro, that's crazy.
Twenty ounces of alcohol? You can't do that?
Twenty ounces is, is like, is like ten drinks.
No, it's not.
A drink is like two ounces of alcohol, no?
Each one is not a full ounce of alcohol. It's like maybe a, a, a quarter of it?
I mean, yeah.
One of them has to be.
I mean, bro, think about this, right? Like, I, I believe there's two ounces of alcohol in like a cocktail. Maybe three.
So I think it's actually supposed to be like one point five is like the, the, the measurement.
Let's call it two, right?
So that's ten drinks. Let's say, let's just cut that in half. So now it's, we're at five drinks, right? You just said twenty minutes. Imagine drinking five cocktails in twenty minutes. I mean, you probably will like, there's gonna be a delay on that, but it will hurt.
I mean, hurt how? Hammer City. You're gonna be Hammer City. Hammer time? Yeah. I, I don't think, I, in an hour, I can definitely do sixty Jell-O shots.
I'm telling you, I don't think you can.
No fucking way. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. In an hour, I could definitely do twenty Jell-O shots. Oh, I, I'd probably believe that. I would, I would advise not to do that. I mean, I'm not sitting here and by any means saying I'm like pumped at the idea. Well, I think also twenty Jell-O shots, even if it's not twenty shots, which if it's twenty shots, uh, that, we're talking about dead bodies here. Um, but if it's less than that, in an hour, sure, bro, the Jell-O to me is like a lot.
It's a lot of Jell-O.
I mean. Like, that must just feel weird in your belly. But like, what is gelatin if not just like, plasmified liquid? It's gonna just get pissed out. I'm just worried about the feeling of it. Like, having that much Jell-O in me would feel weird. I had, years ago, I had, uh, I think it was a colonoscopy, and they like allow you to have Jell-O. And you just ripped Jell-O? I think I ripped like a whole six pack of Jell-O. Cold Jell-O going down feels really good. Dude, Jell-O is not getting the fucking love it deserves, dude. I like sucking it through my teeth, like it's, and it just like collapses and gets through, you know what I mean?
You ever seen the guy do, that like sucks in a Jell-O shot and he like gags on it, he's like, oh, oh. Yeah. That shit is crazy. I do think that, I know twenty is a lot. Yeah, dude. Bro, if I could do twenty, which I did, how many fucking pigs in a blanket did I eat? Thir- thirty? Thirty? I believe thirty. I could, with ease, do twenty Jell-O shots. I think you could do twenty. I just, I know you can't do sixty.
I, I.
Well, you know what? In an hour, I probably can't do sixty. Bro, in two hours. In a, if you gave me...
Four hours, I could do sixty Jell-O shots.
I don't think you can.
Yo, you'd be hurt bad after that.
I mean, yeah, I'd be, I'd be a little toasty.
Can we just do a Santa Claus videos video, just give him four hours?
Bro.
And sixty Jell-O shots?
Yeah, do I have to be there? For when he vomits all over the place?
I'll be there.
How much?
I think he likes throw up.
He does.
He likes throwing up.
It feels good, cuz that means it, something has to come out.
Well, that doesn't always happen. There are people that dry heave and nothing comes out.
Well, that's not what I'm talking about.
What was the point of bringing that up?
Not always. Not always.
I thought he was referencing like, it, something always comes out.
Oh, no.
I don't like throwing up.
If I, if I, if there was a video that you guys made me throw up, and can't film that because he's throwing up with me.
I'll be fine. And also, I'll ride with you, we'll do it together.
You guys gonna throw up together?
You see why I think he's a beautiful boy?
Cuz you guys will throw up together in tandem?
We ride together, we die together. Throw up boys for life.
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We'll see you all around.
Sorry, I'm getting fucking throttled by allergies. Spring is here, baby.
You got, you got a, you put a ragweed? Is that what you?
Oh yeah, the ragweed gets me.
What's the other one? Ragweed and then like dust? No.
Seaweed?
No one's al- I mean, I'm sure there are people that are allergic to seaweed, but like...
Like ragweed? And then there's the other one that's like...
I don't know what it is, but like, the first week, I don't like, there are people that get it bad. Like, remember how bad Danny gets it?
Yeah. I used to get it bad, too.
He can't see. I'm okay now, but like, I am a little jesty bests up here. And I got a headache, but I'll be alright.
So I'm like on and off. Like, one year I'll have it really bad and I can't go outside.
Some days because it's like that bad. Like, I just like can't be outside. It's terrible.
That will be alright. It's the spring. I'm just happy, I'm just happy about the fucking good weather.
Oh my god, the sun, when it touches my face, it makes me feel so good and warm inside.
Do you, uh, like, have like a park you just go and lay on the grass? Cause I remember when we went and did the UK tour... That last day before the last show, so I guess there were two days left. You just laid down in the middle of that college campus on the grass and just lived on that.
In Ireland Trinity, yeah.
Dude, that was sick.
I love just laying on the ground. I, you know how they say like, oh, I'm grounding when you're like barefoot on the grass? Apparently that's a real thing.
I can feel it.
Apparently too, that it's like, there are studies that support. The idea that getting your hands like dirty, like gardening or something like that, it like boosts.
Something?
Serotonin or a dopamine.
I mean, there's nothing better than playing in the fucking dirt. Why do we stop doing that? Cause I used to play in the dirt like crazy. Me and Keith used to like dig, I would touch worms and shit and now I like, I'd play like them like the accordion, which is probably bad.
Yeah, you probably murdered these poor worms.
Yeah, yeah. And then the roly polyoles, I would go like this.
Like they were a booger and I flick them.
Oh, yeah, also murder.
Yeah, I think I'm.
We're finding out something about Joey.
I wasn't trying to hurt them. I just thought it was fun, but I used to play in the dirt and I would just take like, Dirt and I would go, oh, and I liked having dirt and I wish I got more dirt on my face. Cause that looks cool.
It does look cool. We also know how you feel about soot.
Don't get me started on chimneys.
We're not gonna go.
If I could work as a chimney sweeper.
Twice a year I would. For free.
What's stopping you, baby?
That's true. I mean, I don't have a chimney.
You know what? Let's call your bluff. I think we should start a petition.
To get me, claim chimneys?
One day a year. It doesn't even need to be two. One day a year, Joe's a chimney sweep.
I, and I need a work van.
And it'll be, and you'll call it Joe's, Joe will clean your pipes.
Yeah, well, no, we're not gonna do that because we don't want people to get confused of why I'm here.
Yeah, let Joe, let Joe slide down your chimney.
Do you have a chi- you have a chimney?
We have a chimney, but it's.
Did you have a chimney?
Nope, we didn't have one.
Do you have a chimney?
I don't. But we have a gas, we have a gas fireplace, so.
Uh.
We don't have to like clean it out.
How do you clean a chimney? It's like a big like.
Oh, I, I thought it was like old timey British guys, "Shut up and they're like, "Good eye." And they got a big broom and they're just fucking under it.
But does it look like a big feather, like a big, like a, like a?
I imagine it's like the brooms that they use on the floor, like that they, that they show in like, you know, Oliver Twist or something, the push brooms?
Oh, I was thinking more of like a, like a duster, but it's massive and you're like.
Oh, you know, there's probably an answer and I'm sure Ant will look it up. Uh, but like, I don't think it's that like, you need to like soot can cake, so you like, if it's a duster, you're not gonna be able to do it.
I fucking wish it would cake dude. Nothing would make me happier than falling into a mountain of soot and coming out and being like.
Yeah, well, you would probably have some health things coming as a result of that.
I imagine that it's not.
What the hell is that?
Oh, I've seen this. I've seen this. It's like a, so they put it on like a, a.
A stick?
No, no, they put it on like a drill and it spins.
Oh, I don't like this.
This is the same thing I've gotten like a, like my air vents cleaned out and this is what they used.
My dad's toothbrush used to look like that. The guy would fucking brush his teeth mad hard. Yo, you know what? I would, I would, I wonder if that's a relatable thing. Pull that up again.
I got you.
Dudes, does anyone else's father's toothbrush look like that? Because that's how my dad's toothbrush would look.
Yo, he's not kidding.
It would be like Moses was on it and just fucking cut the thing in half and my dad was basically brushing with the plastic.
Yeah, I remember that as a kid, just being like, what is this guy doing to his teeth?
I'm like, yo, go easy, bro. None of us are doing this. And he's just like, "Ah, ah, ah." What is with dads in the morning? They make so much, do you do this? You get in the bathroom and you start making sounds?
No, I'll be honest with you. I am silent in the morning.
Really? You don't go?
No, I don't, I don't do that.
I do it a little bit, I'm not gonna lie.
I mean, it happens. Like as you get older, like our bodies are changing again.
Why can't bodies just be the same, dude? Why does it need to be like they change when you're a teenager and then like you get thirty and here comes another change?
That's the last time I want that to happen.
When I'm congested and I get in the shower, I'm making noises.
You're letting it, you're.
I mean, I'm not gonna like hawk spit in my fucking.
You're gonna hawk, you're gonna spit on that thing in the shower.
No, I'm not gonna do that. But I will like, like get my hole and then just wipe it.
Oh, are you one of these guys?
No, I'm not. I'm not. Oh, I hate that. Bro, one time I was on the track. I was at a park, public park. I was on the track. The guy in front of me snot rocketed like Randy Johnson. And I was like, bro, I'm right here. I fucking hate that, dude. Yo, it's so fucking nasty. Boogers are fucking gross. Boogers are gross. Dude, but I'm gonna say this, okay? And I'm gonna put this out there. You like boogers? No. I love picking my nose, dude. Picking my nose is so fire. Why in God's name have we's, has someone started this movement? I don't know who the fuck did it. Something tells me it was just like right around like Jackie O. That it's not good? That like, picking your boogers is like unsightly and shit like that, like. It's fire.
Dude, I fucking love picking my nose. Bro. And then just like, you know, I'll, I'll keep a paper towel with me and I'll wipe it out and I'll wash my hands. I'll throw it on the ground. But dude, if you're talking to me, I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna get in there. I, I also like, you know, when you get like the edge of one, you're like, oh, this is. This is gonna be a good one. And then you get like a long. And it like pulls it out of your brain? I, there's few things in this world I like more than that. Dude, boogers are gross. I'm gonna throw up, but I love. But my booger. I love my boogers. I'm not gonna eat them though. I'll fuckin'. I've never eaten them. Throw up. I ate them when I was like three years old. I've never eaten them. You're disgusting.
I've eaten. I think I saw something once that apparently there's like health benefits to eating your boogers, dude. Let's not do this. I think there is. I'm not kidding. I think those are just like trick. Look up a doctor like article. There's no way. Should we use our Dr. Mike calling for this? We should, we should. Let's call Dr. Mike. Our one call a friend, yeah. Um. But just like make it okay again. Yeah. Just being like, yo, there's something in there. Let me just go and fucking get it out. Also, like, when I pick my nose and it like causes a nosebleed, I don't, I like it.
I don't know why.
Because you feel like, it's like the whole idea of like, you wanna work a day, like you wanna feel like you're...
No, no, it's not like a black eye, it's like, "Oh, I got a bloody nose", like, cuz I don't like getting blood all over my hands. I don't really like blood to begin with, but like, when you cause a bloody nose, cuz it's cuz you got like a good one.
And it's like, and then you're like, "Oh, now I'm bleeding", you know what I mean?
I, I don't like bloody noses. I do like the aftermath of like when it crusts up in there.
You could like clean it out, like you gotta clean out your own chimney.
Bro, yo, this is great. This is, yes.
When you get a bloody nose and it's like crust on the outside and you just go like this.
And then there's like...
It looks like pepper.
Yes, exactly. I'm pepper milling my nose.
Oh my god. You ever get a blood clot in your nose and you gotta like pull it? Cuz, cuz you were like shoved?
Wow, I don't know about that.
No, not like an actual blood clot. I mean like when you get a bloody nose and you put a ta- a tissue in there, and then you pull a tissue out and you're like...
Oh!
Dude, it's so disgusting, but it's great.
Oh my god, the feeling of like jamming paper towels or tissues in your nose, which don't do, Dr. Mike, I'm sure he'll tell us that, but who cares?
And then you pull them out and it's like, that first inhalation of air is like fucking what I imagine? Heroin in the butt.
For real, yeah, boof my anus with the black tar.
No, for real, because when you get it in there, and bro, you ever do a double? You ever shove double in there?
I don't know if I've doubled it up.
When I'm like very, very congested, I'll do steam and then I shove two in there to get it all loose, and then when I pull it out, it's like, oh.
Dude, I kinda, like I once saw someone do that, but with a tampon.
Hey. Nose?
Yeah, because what is a tampon if, we know what a tampon is. Let's make that a fun. What is a tampon if not? You've been speaking like Shakespeare a lot lately. I mean, I am a thespian.
But like, what we're explaining, but just doing that with a tampon, dude. It's probably. Cause they're made to be absorbent. Yeah, yeah. So that son of a bitch is coming out and I'll be able to smell you from fucking Zimbabwe. Oh, my God. It's so good, dude. I love. A bloody nose is not cool while it's happening. It's so cool after. I, I remember once I got a bloody nose like at a pizza place. Yeah, there has to be more to that story. There has to be. It can't be the end, Frank. There's gotta be more.
It can't be the end. It fell on my pizza slice and I just cut that slice off and then ate the rest.
I mean. Okay. It's already in my mouth. Okay, as long as it's my blood, dude. Yeah, if I got a, if I, I mean, if I have a bloody nose, the blood is in my mouth. And I can't tell you how many times I've gotten a cut and I just. Yeah, you're, you're like that. I'm not like that. Really? I won't lick my cuts. No, I'm not a cat. Uh, well, cats are on to something because.
It's not the worst.
Yeah, I, I just don't like the taste of blood. I mean, I don't either. I'm not like sitting there and I'm just like, mm. It's like I'm eating a pen or something. Yeah, I mean. Bro, you know, one time I was chewing on a pen and it exploded in my mouth? Yeah, you told this story. It's disgusting. I, it was like a thing that kids did in like middle school and elementary school that like they would like pop pens in their mouth and be like eh, and like swallow fucking. I don't remember that. Yeah, there were some, there were some, uh, Puerto Rican girls I knew that did it. Oh, so that it was popular with the Puerto Ricans? Puerto Ricans crushed it. They were crazy on it. Do you ever, do you remember when the kids back in the day used to be like this? Turn their eyelids inside out and it's like, look, I got red eyes. I want to slap him in the face. If I could do that, I would, but I. You were that guy.
I, I'm not going near my eyes. I know exactly what guy he was. First of all. What age? For him? Yeah. Nine.
Okay, at nine. What grade is that?
Fourth grade.
Ant was the type of guy that definitely did that.
What was it?
That definitely showed up every day with the coolest school lunch and was just like, whatever. So like you'd go to him and he'd be like, yo, you don't want that. You don't want your crunch bar with your Lunchables, right? And he'd be like, yeah, yeah, that's fine. But then you'd go to his house for a playdate. And he would just ruin your life by being good at Mario Kart and she'd be like, I'm just good. Is that you?
Last part was pretty accurate for sure.
Did you cry in school?
You fucking crier?
I don't think so. I cried once because I thought I failed a test and I was like in second grade. Brother, second grade? You cried because you failed a test? No, I thought I did.
Thought he failed a test. Let me tell you, first of all, second grade, I cried over one thing and it was the girl at that time that I liked. I told her that and then I cried.
Oh, I did that too.
Same girl, I, she, uh, we probably told this story before he was on the show at all.
There's so many stories you don't know about us, dude. Just come and hang with us.
So there was this girl that Frank liked and he told her that he liked her and then, uh, then he cried right after he told her.
I, I went up to her. I was wearing a Pokemon shirt, which is so radical.
Which Pokemon? Bulbasaur.
It was the Bulbasaur line.
Oh, that's why he didn't get it. Alright, continue.
I'm kidding.
He said it.
That's, that's insane.
Had it been a Charmander, we don't know how it could have gone. That's what I'm, that's what I'm saying.
You know what? That is fair, but she didn't care about that. She cared about, you know, S Club 7 or, you know.
First of all, I cared about that.
Sorry, what grade was this? I'm sorry.
Second grade.
Yeah. Got it, go.
And I went up to her in class and I was just like, you know, it was crazy because, you know, I said something. I was like, because I like, like you, you know? Immediately started to cry.
Immediately.
It was him. Big moment. Wait, why? He just confessed and he felt like, you know.
It was a big moment for me, dude. That was the first time I told a girl I liked her.
Bro, telling a girl you liked her?
That was basically like diving in the Marianas trench.
Yeah, it was big.
It was dangerous. Free solo? Who gives a fuck?
You said you liked her. No response and you started crying right after? I think he cried before she could even utter a response.
That's probably fair and true.
Yeah, it was kind of like in tandem it happened. He put his face in his shirt and cried.
He, he may have been going for the pity thing, but we don't know how, uh...
Oh, good chance. More likely that I was than wasn't, if we're being honest.
Yeah, it could have been something like that.
And at the end of the day, we would always get like, with like our spelling words, we would get like crossword puzzles with like our spelling words, yada, yada, yada. Remember spelling tests? And I remember I like went up to her, I was like, I'm finishing mine, you need help. And Joe's like, oh, cause she's your girlfriend. And I, I mean.
I said that?
Oh, what a scumbag.
Douchebag dude.
And you started?
I turned around, I was like, fuck you douchebag. Second grade. Second grade pussy douchebag.
But then in fourth grade, sane girl.
Was in our class. And I forgot what it was about, but she was like, you keep doing that, I'm gonna tell on you. I was like, I don't care. Tell on me.
She told on me? Bull.
I cried my eyes out.
Called your, called your bluff. Yeah, she called my bluff. She was not to be fucking trifled with. I remember like, like all the teachers liked her and it was.
Low key fast.
Mad fast dude.
She was like a horse dude.
She was mad, mad, mad fast.
Yeah, she was like an athlete.
Yo, I don't know what it was, the girls in our class were like fucking quick. Bro, Jamie, I like. Basically. Lolo Jones.
Fast as fuck dude. Yeah, Bridget, she was speedy. We had a class. Lauren Bettencourt. We had a class with fucking.
What do you want me to do about that shit?
Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, I mean, we're just giving her props dude. Yeah, we're just saying that she was a crazy athlete. Fucking elementary school. Cause like, I firmly, firmly, you know, uh, stand by this. It was like the Lisa Leslie of fucking.
Athletes in our school. The Serena Williams.
Jane, oh my god. Bro, this girl at tennis. Sabalenko.
She, that ass was nice. Like fucking insane dude. We were like four years old. Fucking cash, cash, cash.
She was nice. Also, you probably don't know the story, but I liked Jane.
And I told her, I was like, do you like me? And she's like, I'm gonna write it on the desk. This was first grade. And she wrote it in script. I didn't learn scripts until third grade.
He still doesn't know what it said. He still doesn't know.
I was like, nah, she drew on roller coasters. Like, what the fuck is this?
Well, yeah, bro, they were fucking quick dude. He had athletes, bro. Jamie was basically Michael Jordan.
Like. Like was like balling up with dudes in fucking 4th grade and like fucking slamming Jays in their face.
And then Lauren, Lauren was like Brittany Griner dude, like she was like just backing me down like to me like-
She was tall as shit.
I know this didn't happen, but it felt like she could dunk.
If not-
And we were in 3rd grade, but it felt like she could.
Not only could she dunk, she could throw an Aroldis Chapman fucking fastball dude. I remember playing ASS at the wall and she would fucking cock back and throw this ball harder than any person I've ever seen.
Low key, you know who was fast? Najat.
Bro, Najat was the qu- she-
Bro, she could cover ground out there.
Bro, I'm telling you-
Bro, crazy.
If pole vaulting was available, she could have done it standing up.
You know what steal the bacon is? Hmm, yeah, I think so. You either know or you don't. There's one rule in the whole game. You gotta steal the ball in the middle or something. Yeah, yeah, you like you call a number and then you kinda do that. Bro, we're talking about legends at steal the bacon. You're never catching them.
Bro, we did something called line soccer, okay? You would take 4 classes of 4th graders and line them up on either side of the gym. So, you know what, 60 kids on each side.
And the idea was like same thing. They'd be like 9 and 14. And 9 and 14 would run into the middle, they'd have to get the soccer ball and like dribble it.
Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?
Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one.
But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.
And try to get it past the line of kids. Dude.
How's that possible?
It is because, I'll tell you how. When you had fucking Mia Hamm, Lauren. Lauren, I'm not gonna drop it, just like, fucking Lauren Bedcor, she's getting her flowers today.
She kicked that ball.
Kids ran the opposite way.
She was getting a free fucking goal because she kicked that shit crazy, dude.
First of all, if she was kicking at me, I'm like, bro, I gotta go to math, I'm not getting in front of this thing.
You remember in Mario, you remember in Super Mario Strikers, when you do like the super move and like Mario would cock back and have like a flaming foot?
That's what this fucking chick was like, dude. She let that shit.
Flaming foot.
Bro, she let that shit fly, dude.
Bro, also Dennis, our friend Dennis, bro, he would kick that ball, I'm not kidding, I would get out of the way today. And he was in 4th grade.
Yo. The only thing that I was able to, I as a like teenager, would wear Timberland boots to go play kickball to replicate what 8 year old Dennis was kicking. Same with Lauren, and like that's why growing up, like the whole idea of just like, girls are not good at sports, I was like.
That is so foreign for me.
You don't know the girls that we grew up with.
Cause they were fucking balling up. And they were throwing hard, they were faster than most of the people I've ever met in my entire life.
God, that's so fucking funny, dude. Flaming foot. Everyone's like, oh fuck!
Look out! And like, it would like, what I imagine, if it hit someone, it sounded like when fucking you go bowling and like it hits the pins.
That sound.
And right behind you is just a brick wall, not a brick wall.
No, yeah, brick wall, brother.
And this ball would hit the wall and it would just sound like the loudest slap.
Spunch!
And like a kid.
I think we played dodgeball once and then our teacher was like, never again. Like, we're not doing this.
Yo, we played this game, this is so fucking funny.
Hold on, hold on, let me do the edit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Okay, I'm glad you had the ad break there, because I was too excited.
What were you gonna?
Yo.
What were you gonna say?
I don't know if we were the only ones that had this game, but our gym class had a full-on like March Madness bracket-style game that we played called Newcom.
And imagine like volleyball, but like you didn't need to hit it, you could grab it and throw it.
These fucking girls were jumping as high as the fucking net and launching that shit down at us.
And you got out the way, because if not, you were in big time trouble.
You think, like, when you're younger, the girls, they mature so much faster than the boys.
Especially me, I was fucking tiny. And then you had like,
basically, I, I, dude, I'm not kidding, it's just my experience, but when you're younger, but it really felt like they were the Monstars.
Like, it felt like they were huge.
Seriously, that's why, like, that mentality of just like, girls, what, sports? What the fuck?
Not in fifth grade, brother.
Didn't fucking exist for us.
Not in fifth grade.
Because like, yo, I feel like there was a more of a, like, more girls in our class were better at good, were good at sports than boys in our class were good at sports. Am I bugging on that one?
I, I don't even know, I mean, I,
Like, who were the boy, like, eh, eh, like, who were like the R-grade boy athletes? It was like, you, Dennis, Cody.
Like, I can't,
I forgot about that kid.
I can't remember anyone else.
Do you remember his last name?
No, we'll find it, though.
Oh, I try to, I was thinking Yelnats, I'm like, that's a different thing.
That's Stanley Yelnats from Holes?
Yep, that's not it. Um, but wow, Cody, I didn't even, I haven't even thought about that in so long, that's so funny.
They were like 12 girls that could ball the fuck up.
For some reason, yeah.
Those are the days. But yeah, Newcombe dude, we used to take it so seriously.
You remember our team?
The Dragons?
Bloody Dragons.
The Bloody Dragons?
Yeah, we were the Bloody Dragons. And we beat in the championship, the undefeated team of the unbeatable's.
Pretty beatable.
When, in my middle school, it was Saint Margaret's Dragons.
And-
You went to Saint Margaret's?
I went to Saint Margaret's, yeah.
Oh, cool.
And for-
Where's that?
Uh, I played them in basketball when I was younger.
And, um, they released merch at some point. And-
The school?
The school did. And Saint Margaret's Dragons was SMD.
And they released it, and obviously all the kids knew, and so you could do SMD grandma, SMD-
No!
Yeah, you could do all that. I bought so many things immediately, the next day they took it all off the store, but I got it.
Suck my dick grandma, it's crazy.
And I was wearing it.
Wait, why would they put that if you're the Lions?
What? Are you even listening? I said Dragons.
Saint Margaret's Dragons.
You didn't say Lions?
Oh, I heard Lions.
I'm so confused.
Yeah, no, SMD. Wow, Saint Margaret's Dragons.
What were you, what was your, what was Saint Francis Prep? You were the Terriers. The non-scariest dog on the fucking planet, dude.
Annoying, though.
Annoying, which everyone from that school pretty much was.
It wasn't, it wasn't the coolest mascot for-
It definitely was not.
No, no, it wasn't.
It was like a dog.
Yeah, it was a dog.
It was worse back in the day, because like, when my brother went, it was just like a paw print. Like now, it's like a dog-
Now it's just a smaller dog, dude.
But it's like, the dog looks like a little cooler, but a paw print, and not like a cool paw print, it was just like a dog paw print.
Aw, that's, that sucks. That sucks.
Well, that's kinda Clemson, isn't it?
I was gonna say, that's what Clemson's-
Well, Clemson, no, no, the paw print's cool, I'm fine with that, I like Clemson, but they're the Clemson Tigers, they're not the little kitty cats.
That's true, yeah.
You know, you're, it's like the fucking Saint Francis Prep poodles, you might as well be.
Uh, we, I honestly, yeah.
My, my, my two high school mascots were cool, so the first one was the sting, and it was a, it was a hornet.
A terrier beats the shit out of a hornet.
Brother.
What do you think has killed more people in this world? The sting from a hornet, or a terrier?
That's a better point.
And then you were the owls.
The owls. I love owls, dude.
First of all, dragons take out all those.
Dragons take out all those.
Lions beat everybody, though.
Who's the lions?
Lion, you're back and take these dicks.
You said lions.
You said the lions. Lions, lions, you're back.
Lions, you're back and. First of all, take these dicks.
Frankie, can you hit him with a godam, please?
Godam's so good. I panicked. I'm sorry. I didn't think it was actually gonna fall for us.
Every time you get me, you fuck it up.
I panic a little bit. Lions, you're back and suck my, both of my dicks.
I was debating about getting you guys with the dragons, but I already, I already.
You can't, you can't double up on.
I can't double.
You already did imagine dragons.
Yeah, I can't double dragons.
You can't double dragons. I'm on a hot streak.
Well, he got you pretty bad last time. He also did a flashy thing at the camera. That was meme, so, I mean, he's winning.
Yeah, that was absolutely good. Um, but yeah, I like the owls. I think owls is a cool one.
You know what? You were trying to get that lions in too much. I should have picked that up.
Yeah, I'm shocked you didn't.
I honestly, that's why I didn't make contact, eye contact with you, because I thought you'd be like, oh, I see.
Oh, that's what you were doing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a hundred percent.
I thought maybe you were like, just so focused on fifth grade.
Yeah. Uh, and then my college mascot were the Chargers. It was a cool horse.
Horse?
Yeah. A Charger is a horse, like a Dodge Charger.
Is it?
I thought the Challenger was the horse.
No, a Charger Mustang.
Oh, the Mustang. No, that's what I'm thinking about Mustang. Never mind.
You're right. I don't know if the Charger's a horse, though. I know Mustang.
Chargers are horses.
Like, that's a breed of horse?
I believe so.
I got you. I have no idea.
I don't know if their, like, official scientific name is like Chargianus Horseentopolis or something, but like, it probably isn't.
I would count that. Don't worry. That just sounds like a Greek horse. Chargianus.
A chargianis.
Term for strong swift horse.
Charger?
Yep. Specifically a warhorse.
What did you, what did you?
Ooh.
That might be your best one.
I like the Owls though. Owls and the colors were the same. It was blue and yellow, blue and yellow. We had a, we had a Smurf field. They went D1 recently.
What's St. Marg's? Blue?
Red.
Red? Oh, with white.
And then you guys were red and blue, right?
St. Francis prep? My god, so boring.
St. Francis too.
Of a sissy.
I guess. They're like, they're like older brother and older cousin.
I don't think they're related. A- a- actually, oh wow, I didn't even. Yeah.
How would that not, how would they not be related?
It's mad saints dude, I don't know. They're saints of everything.
Well, the St. Francis. It's not like of prep. It's just prepping your school, like it's prepping you for.
I'm aware, but like, there's like St. Francis of a sissy and then maybe there could be like a St. Francis of whatever.
What is a, a sissy?
A sissy is like a place.
Oh, I always thought of it as just like, you're a sissy and heh.
You thought that's what they would name a school?
No, I know, but that's what we named people. Like, we knew our, like a bunch of our friends went there to be like, you're a sissy. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Did you call your sister that?
Sissy? As a kid, yeah. I think my brothers still do, which is weird.
I think you still do.
No, I really definitely do not. Let me make that abundantly clear.
Is, is sissy weird? I don't, but is that, is that weird?
It's like a kid version of sister. It's just like sissy.
Mm-hmm.
I don't think it's weird. As a child, but like if you're like thirty-three years old and saying like, hey, sissy.
Yeah, I guess so.
Maybe grow up.
Yeah. I mean, you tummy. You say tummy.
Well, I have kids now.
Yeah, but you say it to not kids.
Uh, but when you have kids.
It bleeds.
Some of the vernacular bleeds into the rest of your life.
You'll see it one day. Like, you'll see something and you'll just be like.
You'll see it.
This is mad aggressive.
You'll see it. Jesus Christ.
See it one day.
Yeah, I think you will. Hear it one day. What does that mean?
The words? What are we talking about? I don't know.
You're talking to me?
I don't know.
And you pointed to your ear.
Because you hear it. I know what ears are. Oh, okay. And what they do. Sorry.
Lie on the back and take these dicks is just...
Take these dicks.
Lie on your backs. That's not even fair. It's close enough.
Lie in, lie on your back.
I haven't heard of it. I like its creativity.
It's great. Yeah, if anything, it's double points because of how fucking good it was.
I mean, you said, I said lions. Lion. Why did I say it like that?
I mean, come on. Just because you didn't specifically say lie in, you pluralized it.
Isn't that the whole point? It's close. It's like, we can let them decide.
I mean, he's got, he's 300 bucks in the hole now, so that's why he's trying to defend himself.
Whoa, I'm 200 bucks in the hole. This is out of play. That's out of bounds, buddy.
Why is that one out of bounds?
Oh, that's out of bounds. That's out of bounds.
How the hell is that out of bounds?
Yeah, you did it during a Santa Gotta Studios video.
Who cares when it was done? It was done.
The rules are the rules.
You didn't make them.
Technical, Frank. We talked about it on the show. Yeah. I have the rules.
We have to pull up the tape.
You've called me a bitch outside of the show and we're not marking it down. That's a good point. That's a good point.
When? When have I?
All the time.
No. When? Can you recall a time that I have called you a bitch outside of the show?
I can. What would you, how would you like me to answer? You want to date?
Pre-bet?
I definitely pre-bet.
But like, outside of the show? No way.
Yeah. Santa Gotta Studios one can't count. It can't. Oh, you want to go through the videos? You think you never called me a bitch in a Santa Gotta Studios video?
Never since that, the fucking thing has come out. Never since we made that bet.
I'm not going to watch all of them.
Maya, do us a favor. Put it together.
There's almost no, I can, I can almost guarantee. And if I'm wrong, every one of those words, I almost said it, that I used to prove your point, you could count them as two.
Eight.
Always kneeling.
Yeah, this guy, you can't ever take a fucking.
I get it.
Oh, I'm gonna burp. You alright?
You're gonna burp?
No, it's just air's coming out of me.
You want me to come over there and burp you?
I don't know why I'm like a cat that's about to throw up.
I could burp you.
You burp him like a baby.
I think that works for humans, doesn't it? I don't think it works for.
Works for babies?
No, I don't, I think they say that like you're not supposed to do that.
Smack their back?
Yeah, I vaguely remember that from when I had two young babies.
Don't you hold? I feel like you should have a definitive answer right now.
Well, you forget, you know, like.
Did you do it?
I did, I did rubs.
Like this?
I did rubs, yeah.
It's like pats. Getting your back rubbed.
So good.
So good, dude.
You don't like getting rubbed?
You know what I don't like? My shoulders getting rubbed. I hate that.
Why? Like you haven't gotten a massage?
No, I've never gotten a massage.
You've never gotten a massage?
I've never gone to a, either way, I, I, when you, like, you know, people come behind your back and start doing like your shoulders up there? I don't, I just don't like it.
Yeah, and it feels weird.
Yeah, well, the. You gotta get a massage. You gotta go to a spa.
Why don't?
No, I'm not going to a spa with you!
I didn't even say anything!
You didn't even say it, but we knew what you were gonna say.
Yeah, you went, why don't?
No, no, don't, don't for a single second pretend you weren't gonna suggest that we do it together or for a standing out of studio video. It is a, it is a, it is a solo experience or with a female companion experience.
Or a male companion.
However you choose, or a non-binary.
However you wanna companionize. Is that a word?
Love it.
Thank you. It's one of those things. I've never had cucumbers on my eyes, but that I'd love.
I would like it, but also not because I'd just wanna eat them.
You know what I wanna do? Well, eat them after, right?
Just.
Yeah, I wanna go to a, what's it called when they like a, get a facial? Alright, take it easy.
I mean, you know, jokes aside.
You know what I mean?
Jokes aside.
Like I wanna like, like a mask, maybe some mud.
You could do it at home.
No, I know, but I wanna go to a place and like.
I know where you wanna go.
You wanna go to the.
They steam ya. I, dude, my, my fucking barber does that.
He steams ya?
They steep, they literally put this big. Careful.
This big arm, like they like wheel it over and they put it right here.
With steam?
Right before they do my, my, my shave and they turn it on and steam just fucking all over my face. For like 10 minutes. It's to like open up the pores and then they do the hot towel.
We're in a jokes aside zone. So don't worry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No jokes right now.
We called timeout. But it's just like steam.
It's kinda nice.
Yeah, it's really good.
Does he do like a raisin and he cuts you up?
Nice.
They do, they do here, they do here, they do. It's actually a girl, the two that I've gotten at this place. Yeah.
You don't go to the same one?
I don't care that much.
Whoa.
I don't care.
That's interesting. Where do you get your hair cut? Not where, but like you go to like one person? Yeah, one person. If they're not there, I'll go home.
You're not on a, you're not on a... Yeah, if I, I call, well, sometimes I'm walking by and say, alright, fine. What's her name, what's her name? Eddie.
Eddie? Bro, it's always Eddie.
It is Eddie.
I don't know if that's the real name, to be fair.
Oh, I think ours...
How would that not be?
The Butchers, one of them was Eddie, right?
That's what we...
The Russian Butchers.
That's what we called the guys that cut our hair for years.
Yeah, my guys Russian. I'm saying they're all Eddie. That's what I'm saying. They're all Eddie.
Bro, also another thing about it, he's probably right because on Dipmars, that's Eddie's too.
Oh my god. And there's like Eddie's, Eddie's two, Eddie's three.
What the hell? Eddie's got a strong, they got a chokehold on the haircutting game.
Maybe it's like a, it's like the American version of a name in Russia that's common.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm not like one of those guys that like, I need to get my hair cut by the same person every single time.
But you build a rapport.
Yeah, but also like I don't care enough about my hair.
Well, it's, it's, see, it's just a luxury because you have nice hair. Like you, you could, you could do whatever you want.
Yeah, I could cut your hair.
Yeah, you'll, you'll, it'll be fine.
I didn't pay for haircuts for years. I used to get them buzzed in college like by my roommate and then after I just grew my hair out for years.
Yeah, I did the same. I, my brother cut my hair.
Yeah, I remember your brother would do it in the bathroom like 10 years. Who cares, dude? Really?
I mean, after a while, he hated it.
How much to get you to shave your head?
No chance in hell.
Insecurity?
You'd look good.
With a shaved head?
Yeah, you'd look like, more like Channing Tatum than you already do.
I'm good.
It works for you because you could grow a beard.
Rip.
Not like that.
But, but like even that is good. I can't.
You bald would be interesting.
I can't.
It would be tough.
I'm also afraid it won't come back.
You'd be, you'd be like Fester kinda.
Yeah, can't do that, you know?
See, he didn't have to bring it to that level.
What, bald, no beard?
Bald, no beard. What are you supposed to do?
You would look like Uncle Fester.
It happens.
I mean, you wouldn't have the, like...
It got a little more color, I think.
A lot more color than Uncle Fester.
The, whatever that is.
A little more color, I believe.
There are some distinguishing characteristics that would make you look enough not like Uncle Fester, but... Be close.
Do you think you got a lumpy head?
I'd, maybe. And how would I know? I felt my head and I'm like, oh my god.
I felt my head recently and I was like, what is that?
Got a lump?
It's like a little bump.
Yeah, I got something too.
I think like heads are lumpy. Some people got perfectly round heads and I'm like, bro, what is that?
I, I'm thankful every day I don't have my father's head. That guy's head...
It's a lower place?
It's a fucking disaster, dude.
It's like, like a...
Bro, it's like here and then it fucking flat on the back. Like, he didn't like pick up his head for the first 12 years.
Not a lot of tummy time, I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, forget about it. This guy had no tummy time. And now he's got too much tummy time. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I, do I. He needed a helmet.
He definitely needed a helmet, my father. He probably still does.
I like when babies have the helmets. I think it's cute.
Oh, I love, yeah, when, when kids have those helmets.
You put stickers on them and stuff. I heard they smell bad, though.
They stink, dude.
Yeah. My nephew had one and it smelled like shit.
The kid's helmets.
It's like a helmet because if, because children, like their heads are still like malleable, so if they're laying on their back a lot, then it flattens their heads. You need a helmet to like shape it so that it's like circular.
I meant, I meant more, that's good to know, but I meant more, w- why does it smell?
Because they're babies.
Bro, they're kids and they're running around and sweating.
Got it.
And like, puke. And it's made of a foam too, so it's not like an easily cleaned situation.
I mean, it's like a, there's like a rubberiness to it. It's not like foam.
I'll be honest with you, if I was a kid and I had that helmet... I'm fucking diving off of tables and stuff like that. I thank God I didn't have it, cuz I would've taken full advantage of that bitch.
You know what stinks? Casts.
When children have casts, oh.
That makes me sad.
Keith had a cast.
Well, that makes sense.
When we cut that thing open, I was like, "Look at this."
Yeah, Miles had a cast, but I wasn't there when they cut it off, so I don't know if it smelled, but I imagine it did.
And then also, like, your skin is so like, it's like seeing the light of day for the first time, and it's like, "Ugh."
Oh, I do kinda like when you have a Band-Aid on, though, and then like, you take it off and it's like-
It's like white?
It's like white and shriveled, and it's like, "Boy, you're finally stepping out of the cave."
Yeah, I'm like, "Ew, I have a dead part of my finger. Ew."
You like that?
I kinda do.
I like to look at it and just be like, "You're new."
You're new?
You're new here.
I don't.
A little bit.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it is new there.
It is.
You like Band-Aids?
I'm good, I'm good on Band-Aids.
What's the worst...
That's not how I wanted to ask the question. I like Band-Aids, right?
Like, having them on me and shit.
But if a Band-Aid gets on me in the pool...
Oh, that's bad.
I, I...
That's really bad.
Outside of a log of shit, that's probably the worst thing I wanna find in a pool.
I would honestly probably be more afraid of the Band-Aid than the log of shit.
I, I honestly didn't wanna say that cuz I was embarrassed, but I think I feel the same.
I got you, I'll support you through this.
Like, if, if the log of shit, like, bumped into my elbow, I would for sure be upset.
But if a Band-Aid touched me, I'd be like, "No!"
I know that there is, like, germs and bacteria that can come off a log of shit, but it just feels like the ones on the Band-Aid are more dangerous.
So much worse.
Way worse.
Like a bit, like, if I... Oh my god, dude, I'm just like picturing this. Like, if I'm in a pool, like, having fun, and someone's like, "Hey, you got a Band-Aid on you." And I look, and it's just been on me, and I don't know how long it's been on me, I'd be like, "Oh my god, I gotta go home."
Yeah, your, your day's ruined.
I just can't do that.
Your whole trip is ruined, probably, knowing Joey.
A loose Band-Aid? Oh my god.
Loose Band-Aid sucks. That was the, when we, remember years ago, we did that, uh, Bean Boozled video?
That was the worst, of all those Bean Boozled flavors, that was definitely the worst one, because it's like- How in God's name did they perfectly get the taste and flavor of something that I just don't even ever remember having put in my mouth?
Yeah, it's just like the smell of it.
And like the presence of a Band-Aid. It just smells like something. I mean, they did have throw up, and I didn't like that.
The throw up was bad.
Oh my god, the spoiled milk.
Spoiled milk was bad, but the, the, the used Band-Aid one was, I was like astonished at how bad it was.
You know, you, you guys are right. We're probably due for a bean boozled one.
No. Come on, guy.
Also, you know what I love?
Ace bandages. Oh, I'm, I'm looking for a reason to wrap my, my-
I was gonna say, were you the kid in high school that wore them? Just be like, oh, are you limped into class and people are just like, oh my god, Joey, what's wrong?
Uh, I would put them around my wrists mostly, not my legs.
Your wrist?
Yeah, like, I would like, oh, my wrist is fucked up.
Dude, it, it would be nothing. I mean, I, I, like, any sort of discomfort, I'd be like, I need an Ace Masters.
I'm 90% sure that Ace bandages are not like a real thing. Like, I know they are, but like, they're just like an aesthetics thing.
No, they're like tight.
Yeah, but what's the fucking point of keeping-
Of like, it's like a soft cast.
But it's not, though.
I mean, if you wrap it enough.
Ace bandages are stupid.
I also think they're supposed to be under other things.
And then like, you have to wrap them the right way or some- fuck it, get out of here, dude. Don't make me have to be a doctor and a kid.
Have you ever- Have you ever put um like boxing wraps on your fing- on your hands?
Oh man, that feels so good.
Taking them off?
No, like, I mean, putting them on is a little annoying because it's like a whole thing. But when you start going through your fingers, like this part.
That doesn't sound.
Oh, I brought this up the other day when I was like, when you get a hot towel, how do you guys do it? And I didn't even bring up uh the part that I do, but like, I just do my hands, I don't do my face. But I, I just do my hands and then I get in between the webs and I really get her going. I love that this part of my hand, I don't like when, when other things are touching it, but I like when I touch it.
Can I touch it?
No, I would just said I don't like that.
Why not?
How do you hold, how do you hold hands? Interlocking or?
I'll do it, uh it's not my favorite because of the, the feeling of like.
Oh, I love it.
Trapped. I think it's because when I was younger and people would be like, play mercy, so I don't like it.
Oh my god.
I would always avoid it.
That's right.
Because when people would, you ever do that where someone's like, play mercy and they would take your hands and go like this, my fingers, like I would be like, ah!
Bro, you remember those kids back in the day, they'd be like, look, I'm double jointed. And they would do this and their finger would look like a witch's.
The fuck is that?
I'm double jointed with my thumb.
Ew.
That is so gross.
Wow, do you, can you put it back on your own or you have to?
Oh, it's so loud.
Ew, she's dancing. You can hear it?
Yeah, I can hear it.
Bro, I thought, I thought, I thought I was gonna look over and your thumb was gonna be on the ground.
Oh, I do it with this one too, I guess. I never knew I could do it without pushing it.
I'm just, I can't.
And then you gotta crack it.
I could also move my, like tendon underneath my knuckle.
Ew, dude. Why are you so cracky?
I was so cool, dude. It's just one of the weird things about me.
I dislocated my thumb once and the palm, this was like an ear and the palm of my hand was pitched up like a tent. It was so disgusting. And my dad just was like, you're fine, and pulled my thumb and it went right back to place and I was like, it was crazy. It was terrifying. Imagine my thumb went through my hand.
I'd have a hole in my hand like.
I remember there was that show on MTV when we were kids called Scarred.
Oh my god, yeah.
And there was one where like the guy like his finger like got like pushed so far back that his bone popped out right here or something like that.
So disgusting. You're just so disgusting.
You feel phantom. It's like phantom.
Phantom, yeah.
Yeah. Had that happen, you fell? Ball?
No, I was I was in my front yard and my sister kicked a kickball at me and I was like trying to block it. And it hit my thumb and it hurt, but it didn't hurt that bad. But I was like, ah, and then I looked at my hand and I started screaming and she was just like, you're being a fucking baby. And then I was like, look what you did. And then she lost it. Because I was so, it was so, it was jarring.
I remember as a kid, remember as a kid always wearing sandals? I always had sandals, dude. Always with like the Velcro top.
I remember playing kickball with my brothers once.
Oh no.
And I went to kick and it caught like, if these are my toes, it caught like my foot like this, so I just went.
And like New York City concrete, I don't know how concrete is elsewhere.
Probably same.
Bro. It was like intense grit sandpaper.
So my fucking toes came out squeaky, babe.
I like the anticipation of hydrogen peroxide and then the pain and it's like, ugh.
Oh, you're like, it's like bubbling up and you're like, huh huh huh.
Hydrogen peroxide doesn't hurt. It's rubbing alcohol that hurts.
Whichever one you, whichever one you put, you know, I'm talking, the one you put in, yeah.
And then it goes.
It's like, also.
If it's, if it's bubbling or itchy, it's because it's healing. Remember that?
Yeah. But when I put, um, because I have hydrogen peroxide in my apartment, but if I put it on a cut. Feeling how it feels now is so funny because back then it was like the worst pain imaginable, but now it's not that bad.
When I fell off a bike once and I skid like this whole part, you know, it's like a little fleshy.
And I put hydrogen peroxide on it and I had it for the first three seconds. I was like, then I, and then, and then eventually it was just like, whoa.
You started making noises?
Like you just can't. I couldn't not make noise.
I could see that. Bro, that happened to Keith one time. He, some, uh, we were playing basketball and he like was running after a loose ball and just like fell. And just like scraped his whole arm. And we were at Josh's house and his mom put like some.
I don't know, like antibacterial thing on it and then wrapped him with ace bandages.
Or, or whatever, like gauze or whatever. And he was like, dude, it was the worst fucking pain ever. Cause it's like your whole arm.
I don't wanna get into the nitty gritty of this because it will make both of you squirm, but I once had gauze stick to a wound.
I've had that.
Oh, yeah. Gross.
And like, I had to remove it.
Yeah, it hurts.
And you pulled it? Did you skin on it?
Brother, I, I can't even like.
Did you scream?
There is so much to this story that is removing a lot of context that I'll tell you guys off air, but like, it was unbelievably painful, like one of the worst pains I've ever experienced in my entire life.
Did you, did you cry?
If I didn't, I'd be shocked.
Yeah. The closest I've come to passing out was because of pain and that, that, cause I never understood like, in movies when people like get hurt and then they pass out, or they pass out from the pain, like what does that even really mean? But I got, I was in so much pain that my vision started turning into the, like the staticky screen. I'm like, oh man, I think I'm going out. I fought, I fought back, but it scared me.
You conquered passing out.
Yeah, I changed the channel.
I did the same thing. I was so embarrassed. I was like at the gym and I was doing a incline press and my nose got itchy, so I went to go like this and it, and it like sent my arm back. And I don't even know, really know what happened to my arm, but I had dislocated my shoulder before. So I think like it was just something like that and it like really scared me and it hurt. And I screamed bad loud, I just went, oh, like that. And one of my friends was spotting me at the time and didn't say a word. And I stood up and I was like, fuck, my back is out. And I, and then I started walking towards the exit. And then the person at the front desk, I like, I would say hi to them all the time. So I was just kinda like, fuck, I'm passing out.
And then I get outside to like the cold air and I like sat on the, on the sidewalk and then I like, I almost passed out, like I was seeing the white and like, I like hit the concrete like mad hard because I was like finally sitting down. And then I like relaxed and I was in a lot of pain with my shoulder, but then a part of me was like, I can't even go back in there.
Because I screamed and everyone looked at me and then I just went for the exit like.
It was time to leave.
I was like, I can't go back in there dude, I'm mortified.
It was time to go.
It was bad. I took like a week off. I was like, I'm not going back. I don't want people to remember this, but it's so embarrassing.
Yeah, I mean, that sounds scary.
And like the Matrix, it's like.
Yeah, it's, it's a pretty small like gym.
Yeah, people just going, "Oh!" People were like, "What the fuck?"
Oh, man. It's alright, it happens to the best of us.
Bro, you know what I did one time? That was hilarious. And Dominic was at the gym. You know that, uh, it looks like a heck, it's not a hex bar, but it's like, it's like a bench bar. But it has these things.
Like the, like the, like this in between and you could hold it like that?
You could hold it like this, right?
Yes, yes, yeah.
So it like makes it very unstable and you could like bench like that.
I had never used that before at this time. And I put just a plate on each side, which at the time was like too much. Like I could bench 135 on a regular bench, but I never done it with this where it's like shaking.
So I put it on and I take it off. Dominic's on the other side of the bench, uh, on the side of the gym. And I'm, and I, I'm getting it up and I'm, I'm like, oh shit. And I didn't put clips on, so it just bang, bang!
And everyone's looking at me and Dominic from across the gym, "Where'd he go dickhead?"
Alright! It's my second most embarrassing moment.
I don't think I've had any bad ones in the gym.
I have a video of you doing a...
Frank's doing like rope tricep.
Like pull downs or whatever. And, but he's using his whole body and going like, "Suh!"
I mean, I was, I remember doing that as an obvious gym. I was not like seriously working out that way.
But same, small gym and Frank screaming going, "Suh!" And like humping the thing. I was like, oh god.
I'm a good time anywhere we go.
At the gym.
At the gym, at the, at the...
You know, during, "Steal the bacon."
Dirt, steal the bacon. I was probably not a good time during then. I remember getting called like once. One thing too, it's like, you could only get called, like you could call like eight kids per class and there's like a hundred kids in there.
So like, it's crazy.
Y'all play D. Uh, well, there you have it folks. That's our episode for today. Frank, where can they find you?
Yep. Aunt Prisco on Instagram? It's the Frank Alvarez. You go check it out everywhere. Uh, go follow the show at The Basement Yard, uh, on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.
Taylor Hanson? Nice.
Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated