#542 - Fully Dressed In The Steam Room

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• 0:01Speaker 00

  Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you, based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Welcome back to the basement.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Welcome back to the basement yard. What are you congratulating yourself for?

• 0:39Speaker 01

  I don't know. I, I, I think about ways to open the show. And then I started doing this and thinking about how stupid this is that people used to do this.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  Why did they do that in the 50s?

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Like, I don't understand.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Like, that's a way to say thank you to a crowd.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, what is, is that supposed to be like when someone shakes your hand? They're giving you like a, a something, so you're doing it to yourself, like?

• 0:59Speaker 02

  Oh, like you're giving?

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Like, I'm, I'm awarding myself.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Showing you a handshake that you're giving me. I don't like it either.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, whoa.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  It's a white person thing.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  And this shit, the hand drive.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  I like this hand drive.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna talk shit about the hand drive because I love grease. The, I guess I, I love the country. I do like the material, too.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  How do you feel about the oil?

• 1:19Speaker 01

  That's the material I'm referencing.

• 1:20Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  I love it. I love those videos. Have you seen like the videos or like TikToks of people just taking? It's like a vat of grease and you just fucking dig at it and then you just slap it on their truck.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Why are they slapping it on their truck?

• 1:34Speaker 01

  Like their chassis or something, if they're like a truck driver.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  It's not a word I'm familiar with.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  You know, you don't know chassis? You don't know chassis? It's like the thing that like the truck hooks up to.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Like if it's like, you know, like one of the...

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Like a train?

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yes. Well, not, not, not this, but it's like a...

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  It's like a this.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Alright, cool.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Everything is sexual.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Trucks?

• 2:02Speaker 01

  I think trucks are sexual in their, like, design. Are they not? Look at that. That's what that is.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Alright, we're gonna get demonetized if you keep doing that. I don't know what's going on.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  I'll go back to the...

• 2:13Speaker 02

  We're all wearing black! Black boys!

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Well, definitely.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  We're not.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  We're not.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Not even a minute in. Fuck.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  I'm gonna, that's going in my notes.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  That was on me.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  It's in my notes.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, write that down.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  Write that down.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Let's also make sure we identify that we are not.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  We are, um, we're wearing black is what I meant.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  If that's not abundantly clear, yes, and we're all where, actually, the one time I'm not wearing a hat, you're both wearing hats?

• 2:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's a different hat.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, what are, what's going on with your hat?

• 2:44Speaker 03

  My first beanie in so long, I think.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know, I just, I.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  I told, I told.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  I walked here, so I was like, my hair's.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  You walked here?

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  It's cold, I don't know why I.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, like, I walked from fucking, I don't even know.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  What, like, a mile? Mile and a half?

• 2:59Speaker 02

  I walked from that, the gym that I go to now, so that was like, probably like a mile.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  You walked to the gym to, over to here?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  You're getting those steps in.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Over the river and through the woods to the grandmother's house, we go.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're freshly gymmed?

• 3:12Speaker 02

  I'm full gymmed, yeah. Showered, showered in, in public.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Hold on, hold on.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Showered in public.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  You showered at the gym?

• 3:19Speaker 02

  I, there's a sauna, so I'm not gonna like, just be soaking with sweat and not shower.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  I mean, that's what I do, that you're supposed to go home and shower and then.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  What, you go to the gym and sauna and then you go home? Covered in sweat?

• 3:30Speaker 01

  I'm not even kidding, I go home soaking wet. Like, like.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  In your car, like, your back's against your seat?

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. What's wrong with that? Uh-oh, uh-oh.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Eventually, it will soak into the seat, no?

• 3:42Speaker 01

  I mean. Car must reek. Fuck you. My car smells great.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  What kind of material is the seat, is it like a?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  It's leather.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  That helps.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  That does.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  But it does eventually get through the.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  You think it's gonna seep through the leather? I don't think it's like, really, I don't think it's like, real leather, I don't know.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  It's not about the leather, it's more of like.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  It's a Kia, so.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  There's, there's like, holes in it.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  It's a Kia, so I'm not working with like, Italian lever, leather over here.

• 4:08Speaker 03

  You take your clothes off, go into the sauna.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, do you take your clothes off?

• 4:12Speaker 01

  See, you guys don't even know.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  You're fully dressed in the sauna?

• 4:16Speaker 01

  I'm being judged for my sauna clothing here. I don't want to be those guys that go in raw dick to a sauna because that happens and that fucking drives me insane.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that's a little European for me.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  But these are just like white men from New Jersey. They're not like fucking, they're not like the Polish.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  If I'm in Swedish, I'll dump thong, but I'm in, I'm in, I'm in New York.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  You're not, yeah, yeah, you're, you're, if you, I understand people that-

• 4:40Speaker 02

  Did I just say if I'm in Swedish?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  You did, but we're gonna, we're gonna move past it. If you're in like fucking Romania, that feels like something that you could do.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Dick's out for Romania.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Dick's out for Finland.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Finland dick's out, absolutely.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Certainly, dick's for Finland.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  What was that? Why are you throwing it up? Why are you?

• 4:56Speaker 02

  I was agreeing.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  You ever been to Finland? You ever finish?

• 5:01Speaker 02

  That's not bad. That's a pretty funny, that's a good one. I thought you were gonna get me with something, but no, I've never been to Finland.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Finland, Finland, these balls in your mouth?

• 5:10Speaker 02

  Finland, Finland my balls until, until I come up-

• 5:13Speaker 01

  I'm not even kidding, we'll get back to that. I have been trying to get someone the way that you've gotten us so fucking bad, but like, it's the classic example of like, I, I was talking to my brother the other day, or like someone in a group chat, and they were like, yeah, like, we were talking about juicing. I was like, yeah, normally I make a juice with like some lemon, some celery, some slobanies.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  And they just completely moved past it, like, didn't even be like, what's that?

• 5:41Speaker 02

  So we left just like, waiting?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Basically, yeah, like I was just sitting there waiting.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Yo, you ever do this thing, I did this the other day. You know, like, when you're just being a fucking moron and you're like, I'm gonna play a stupid prank, you know? I mean, I know you know-

• 5:55Speaker 01

  You know me, I love prank prank.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Have you ever?

• 5:59Speaker 01

  I think it's a problem I have.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Here's an example of what I did, and I'm certain you've done this, but like, you hear Becca coming and you're like, I'm gonna scare her.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  But she doesn't come into the room.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Oh, I-

• 6:12Speaker 02

  So now you're, you're just there and you're committing, and the other day I, I, like, Nicole left the room and I got next to the bed, in a way that if she walked into the room, like, if I'm low enough, like, you can't see me. And I was basically face down, ass up, dude.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Three real minutes. Dude, I know. And I'm like, at a certain point. At a certain point, you gotta. I gotta let this go. You gotta take the loss. You have to take the L on the chin. And I, and I just started laughing because I realized I'm tooting it up. There, I mean, yes, there are so many instances where like Becca will like turn around. Or like, she'll be like there or like not looking or whatever, whatever the situation. And I'll do something to elicit her funny response, but she won't look. So like, then I'm just there doing it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Then I'm just there doing it. The example that I could think of, the example I could think of, do you remember a clip? Like I recently saw it on TikTok that came up and my algorithm was like, we were at the old studio. And you pull, I pulled, I was parked and you pulled in after me. And I was pantomiming jerking off in my front seat.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  In the parking lot. Yeah. And I'm just like, at the time, it's like, it's a funny joke, ha, ha, he, he's. But like the chance that you're not seeing it, that I need to live the rest of my life. Yeah. That someone else that didn't know me did see that. And how long can you actually just be like? Exactly. Come on. And like. Look at me. Yes. Um, but, uh, that happens to me all the time. Yeah. All the fucking time. Back to what you were asking though, about my, my sauna etiquette. I take my shoes off. I have a little. Thank God. I was gonna ask that. I used to not. You go in there with outside shoe? Yeah. Okay, those must reek. I think, yeah, those are stinking. But also Frank, you're going into a sauna with shoes.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  All right, I'll, I'll, I'll take that one. But also publicly, health hazard. No, my, for some reason, mine doesn't have signs that say no shoes. It's a common courtesy. Your life is run by the sign. I mean, I'm going based off, because I, it's a little bit of wishful thinking. There's no, no, no, there's no police. You can just do whatever. Well, I mean, different places have different rules. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, like if I saw a sign that said, don't wear shoes, then I would never have worn shoes in there. Right. I was not barefooting it. That's how you get a staph infection. That's bananas. So I got slide, like only indoor slides that I only wear there. Uh, and I just take my shirt off and I go in.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  And I sit on a towel.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Cause the hard tile could hurt my bottom.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  Your bottom?

• 9:00Speaker 01

  It doesn't.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Tile?

• 9:01Speaker 03

  Did you say you took off your pants?

• 9:04Speaker 01

  Uh, uh, no. Those stay on.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  Wait, you wear pants?

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  Pants in the sauna?

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Yep. And the steam room. I, so my, my-

• 9:12Speaker 02

  You get in the steam room with sweatpants on?

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  Dude, this is like insane.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  Wait, wait, wait, why? And there was a point where there was also shoes on.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  So you're in shoes and sweatpants in the steam room? People must have thought you were lost. Like, he got out. He, now he's in here now. Bro, aren't you, like, in the steam room, I feel like there's a lot of water in the air. Is your sweatpants just not filled with water, like a sponge?

• 9:37Speaker 01

  I will take a picture next time I leave the gym. You will see. I'm not kidding. I am drenched. When I leave. Like, I get home and my kids say, "Why are you wet?" Like, not like-

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Again.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  Literally, Maeve goes, "Daddy, why are you wet?" I'm just like, "Oh, I went to the gym." It's a known thing now.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  And like, your ankles and your, like, shins are wet.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Head to toe, I'm dripping.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  And then you get in the car and drive home.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  What is the drive? What is the time?

• 10:07Speaker 01

  It's like, I mean, it depends. Uh, that's not true. When I leave, I, uh, every time I go to the gym in the morning, I leave, I stop at Starbucks, I get Becca a drink, and then I get home. So that's like, seven minutes?

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  So I'm going into a Starbucks soaking wet.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  It's not a drive-through?

• 10:23Speaker 01

  No, I get out.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Frank, we gotta work on that.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Why?

• 10:25Speaker 02

  This is insane now.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Why is this insane?

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Because you look like a crazy person in the steam room with sweatpants and shoes on, and then you're walking into a Starbucks in public soaking wet?

• 10:35Speaker 01

  I-

• 10:36Speaker 03

  What are people thinking, bro?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  I refuse to think that I've done anything wrong here. I don't, I don't see, I think if anything, I'm being more hygienic than the people that are going in there bare fucking balls and ass.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  If they, I mean, I-

• 10:49Speaker 01

  What would you take? Would you rather sit next to someone that's in sweatpants and slides? Or sit next to someone that's basically staring at you with their balls?

• 10:58Speaker 02

  I, if someone's completely naked, that's a little uncomfortable, I will say. But, I do think, ten times out of ten, if someone gets into the sauna and they're wearing sweatpants and sneakers, I'm taking a photo of them.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  Why?

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Going right into my group chat?

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Why?

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Being like, "Look at this nut job in here."

• 11:14Speaker 01

  I mean, when we used to go to the gym together, like, the times we've been to the gym together, we would both wear sweatpants and shoes, or shorts.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, shorts.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  I mean, sometimes it's short.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  I don't think I wore shoes. Uh, maybe then, in that gym, I wore shoes. The gym that I go to now is, like, pretty new, so I have, but I have, like, slippers. But I'm an adult now.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, don't chalk this up to being an adult or being a child.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  I have, like, a little slip. And I put the slip on.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  So the steam room is tiled?

• 11:42Speaker 02

  I did raw dog at the first time I went in, I'm not gonna lie.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  That's crazy, that's crazy.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  But it's a brand new gym.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  It doesn't matter. Cause you're sitting on, guess what you're sitting on? Balls. You're sitting, you're basically bouncing on someone else's shit.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  No one's naked in there.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Brother, I mean-

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Not that I've seen.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Maybe not the one that you go to. The gym that I go to?

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Didn't you say there's a lot of old bags?

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Well, it's predominantly, like, people that have retired and live in the area.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Old bastards?

• 12:07Speaker 01

  Old fucking bastards, dude. And like, that love to just talk about nonsense.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  They talk in there?

• 12:14Speaker 01

  And they wear, they wear the fucking, like, sauna hats.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  The, the, what do they look like?

• 12:20Speaker 01

  They're like wool triangle hats.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  I swear to God. And they fucking sit there, dick and balls in the wind, dude. And the other thing is, they shower in the gym, which you do, which we'll get back to.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  And they shower in the gym, fully naked, with the curtain open.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Curtain open, now you're asking for it. They don't get a lot of people to look at that stuff anymore though.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Well, but you know what? That might be the reason.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Because why?

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Why have an ass if you're not gonna display it?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  But why is it that old men at gyms need to let you know they're naked?

• 12:54Speaker 02

  I think it's like an animal thing. It's like when dogs pee and other dogs pee. Like, old dudes get to the gym, they're like, "I'm gonna put my ass the whole out."

• 13:01Speaker 01

  And like, I- I- maybe- maybe I'm just, uh, cuz, you know, for high school sports and stuff, we didn't ha- like, we had a locker room, but like, you didn't like shower with your boys, like, on your team. So like, maybe that's just a part of life that I am the, like, exception to the rule here, maybe I'm just weird and I don't- I'm not crazy about that?

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Did you shower in high school?

• 13:23Speaker 03

  No, but when we went to, uh, like, a sauna thing, we all showered.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  What does that mean?

• 13:29Speaker 03

  It was like a- a place that has a gym, rec, and sauna, and all that stuff.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  But like I'm saying, like, high school sports, did you not shower at school?

• 13:37Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  It wasn't like, you know, like-

• 13:39Speaker 03

  The showers didn't work.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  A giant room-

• 13:41Speaker 03

  There was, but it- it just didn't work.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Like a prison. Did you do it? I think I did, but no one was naked. Actually, there were a couple of kids that were naked-

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, people get naked.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Because they're like, big dicks. Well, it's like a- It's not about big dicks, it's like a jo- like, there's a couple guys on a team that are like, jokers. So it's like, "I'm naked!", and that's the joke.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Gotcha.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  I remember-

• 14:04Speaker 02

  And we all don't laugh, you know?

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  When I was in the gym, this old guy was blow drying his balls, and then he clipped his- While he was, like, blow drying, he clipped his, like, ween, and it looked like it was floating, like, indoor skydiving for a second, and it made me laugh.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  How powerful was this blow dryer, or fucking light as a feather was this guy's cock?

• 14:26Speaker 03

  I don't know, it's old.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Better question, how long were you looking?

• 14:31Speaker 03

  Well, I heard the blow dryer, so like, I put the first part together.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  And you saw a floating weener?

• 14:35Speaker 03

  And by the time I looked, it was floating.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  I- I'm still trying to get over the fact that you guys think that I'm weird for wearing pants in a steam room and sauna.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  I mean, you know that's unorthodox.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  I mean, I stopped the shoes.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  The shoes, though.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Because I made the decision.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  What does that count for?

• 14:54Speaker 02

  That's for nothing.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  Absolutely nothing.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  But don't you think you'd be more comfortable if you just brought a bag with a change of clothes and you took a shower?

• 15:00Speaker 01

  I do bring a bag.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  What's in the bag then?

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Just the slipper. And like my lock.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Like a duffel bag?

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's a green duffel bag and the only thing that's in it is my, my slippers, my slides, whatever you want to call them.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Uh, my lock, my little padlock.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  And my headphones.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  Why not a change of pants so you at least don't have to be soaking wet?

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Cause then I'm dirtying two changes of pants. Instead of one.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  That's not how you say the units of pants.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  Two changes.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Two changes is also three pairs of pants.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  That's a really good point. Yeah.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  That's a good point.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Two changes of pants.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  I just, I, I don't, I don't think, like, that logic is ridiculous. Like, so when I, like, when I do laundry, do you get-

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Nothing over here is ridiculous. That's ridiculous.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  No, I don't think so.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Sweatpants in the steam room. First of all, sauna, okay. Steam room is legitimately psychotic.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  I, I will say that I do leave there, like, not like a little wet.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Dude, I mean, you must be pouring.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  I'm pouring.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  And I know you, you sit in there.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  So how long in there? You're in 20 minutes?

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Uh, I do 10 and 10.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  10 and 10?

• 16:14Speaker 01

  10 and 10. The steam room's been, steam room's been hot lately, so I had to jump out at 6.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  He's in there. That's about all I can take.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  That's about all my pants can take.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, he walks out of there and he's dragging his pants with him.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  I also, Becca, Becca pointed to this, uh, I had no idea. So it's, I go in the mornings and it's been really, really, really cold. So when I get to the gym, like, I get changed and I get, you know, I put my stuff in the locker and then I go in the steam room just for like 30 seconds to just warm up. But she's like-

• 16:50Speaker 02

  You're using it as like

• 16:52Speaker 01

  A defroster for your butt.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Defrosting in the sauna.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  But I'm like in there and I'm going like this.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Oh, like get your fingers ready.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's like, you probably look psychotic.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  And I'm like, why? She's like, because it's a big glass room and people just see you in there going like this. Like, don't go in there, the grabber's in there.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  The grabber's in there.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Most people do a warm up set. I'm just gonna do five minutes in the sauna and stretch my hands. Yeah, I mean, I think.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  So, dude, also, I didn't even think about that. It's literally been like two degrees out and you're soaking wet walking to your car. It's a miracle you're not sick.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  I'll be honest with you about something. I kinda like that. Like, when I leave the gym, I don't put my jacket on. And I walk to my car because I like seeing the steam rise off me.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  You have a shirt on.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  It still rises, though.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  He's, let's not forget.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Just making sure.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Sopping wet. The shirt is saturated.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Sopping wet and I just, two minutes earlier, got out of a hundred and ninety degree sauna. Of course, if I'm going in five degree weather, I'm gonna be steaming like I'm straight out of hell.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  I'm picturing like the people who work the front desk when he's leaving, have a good day. Soaking.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  I, you know, I will say.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Do you have a towel?

• 18:10Speaker 01

  I sit on a towel.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  But do you, would you, I mean, you, you, do you like dry your hair and?

• 18:16Speaker 01

  I put my shirt on, I put my hat on, I get out of there.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  What would be the reason to do that? Yeah, you're right. That's, I mean, stupid of me to even ask that. If you have the pants on, why sit on the towel?

• 18:24Speaker 01

  Uh, it's for comfort. The tile and the wood could be a little hard on my bottom as I, as I explained before.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  He's got a sensitive bottom.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  Got it. I don't like you pointing that out.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  I can point, I can point it out. Alright, so you're saying?

• 18:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  That I should go in?

• 18:40Speaker 02

  Well, let me tell you what I do.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Right? I pack a bag. Like today, I packed a bag. I had to put my laptop in it. Don't love that. But then I get to the gym and.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  You go, you go to, uh?

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Nice gym?

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's a nice gym.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Tell the people what gym you go to.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  No.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Tell them right now. Tell them right now.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  No.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Is it, does it have, like, you have to bring your own lock or does it have, like, locks?

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Uh, they're digital.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  That's so nice.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  That's really nice.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Um.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Probably narrowing it down a little.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Should be taking, you know, care.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  It's not a big deal, but.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  He goes to a gym in the Bronx. No, I actually met someone there who who recognized me, but I didn't know if they'd recognize me. I they were just like, oh, hey, I'm like surprised I'm seeing you here or something like that. And I was like, yeah, I was like, do I know you? Cause it was I almost like felt bad, cause I'm like, I don't know who this is. I thought it was someone that I knew. And they were like, no, I was like, okay. I was like, I thought I fucked that up.

• 19:37Speaker 01

  I love the honesty there.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  He's like, no, no, no, no. I was like, oh, all right. But this is my first gym that I've gone to where people like film and do like workout shit like that.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  I I hadn't seen that. I mean, I've been working on my building for the last couple of years.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  So so you go and you put your stuff in the in the locker?

• 19:54Speaker 02

  Put my stuff in the locker. Um, I'll I'll usually wear like the shorts that I wear have like a lining in them.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Oh, for like running?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I I'll use them for the gym too. Um, and I'll wear sweatpants, so I just take my sweatpants off. Today I I use like a different pair of shoes, but it's like most of the time I'll just walk in like whatever shoes I wear at the gym. But put those in there, do my workout, come back. Then I throw everything into my locker.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Same.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  And I take out the slippers, put those on. Just have my shorts and my, uh, just just my shorts on and the slippers and then I go sit in the sauna.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Wait a sec.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Hold on. So I'm being ridiculed.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  We do basically the exact same thing.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  Sweatpants is like.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  And you're wearing socks and and shoes. But I do it with shorts too.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Okay, that's different.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  So when I do it, like this morning it was shorts.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  But like when I do it with sweatpants, it's out of fucking control.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  I don't think so. If anything.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Also, I wouldn't dream of going in the steam room like that.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Why not? It's if anything.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  Well, I'm wearing also nylon shorts, like a bathing, that's like a bathing suit material almost.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Okay, I mean, my my my shorts are like workout shorts or like basketball shorts, which are a little bit.

• 21:19Speaker 00

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• 21:45Speaker 01

  I don't think that's crazy, but like, if anything, I'm being more efficient in what I'm getting out of both experiences because I am, I have clothes on that are trapping the heat. It's like the people that go into fucking steam rooms and saunas and like, like the Rocky training montage sweatsuit.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, the efficacy is not the problem. I think the problem is leaving the place and being soaked.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  I mean, who cares? I like, if anything, well, what do you-

• 22:11Speaker 02

  How about you? You care?

• 22:12Speaker 01

  Why do you care? If anything, people see me and they're like, damn, that guy, he, he had a good workout because look at how fucking soaking wet.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  I'm sure they are thinking that because I do think that about people. However, if they left that way, I'd be like, what's going on?

• 22:24Speaker 01

  I'm going home, I'm getting undressed.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  What's wrong with the shower, though? Like, you just think it's dirty or something?

• 22:30Speaker 01

  I just don't understand when I have a perfectly nice shower at home.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Just to avoid the, like, wearing the sweat?

• 22:40Speaker 01

  It's a car. I'm not like driving a fucking Maserati.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  It's just uncomfortable being pouring sweat, I thought.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  I, I, personally, it's kinda nice.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  You like being-

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Because I don't sweat otherwise. Like, I understand, like, you, you are-

• 22:54Speaker 02

  Oh, steam room, yeah, you're getting wet.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Like, I do not sweat, period, ever. So like, the only time I experience sweating is when I go and I get it in the steam room.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  So you want to keep it for as long as possible.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  So I want to hold on to the feeling.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  You know? And, again, people look at it and be like, damn, that's it. Now, what do you do after, though? You protein it up? What are you doing?

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Where, when?

• 23:18Speaker 01

  After the, at gym.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Like when I get home?

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Whatever you do.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Oh, you know what? I actually just, it's funny you bring that up. There's a, now we're really now we're in it down, but like, there, there's a, uh, fucking, what's it called? Like a smoothie? Place like, not a place, but like, they have a smoothie bar. And I was like, let me check this thing out. So I go and I see a smoothie. It's got peanut butter, uh, banana. You know, some protein and whatever, some other shit. And I'm like, oh, that sounds good. The name of it is Naughty Monkey.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Why are you doing this to me?

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Okay, can I please get the, uh, Frank?

• 24:01Speaker 01

  Naughty Monkey?

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Legitimately how I did it. And I was like, can I get the naughty monkey? And she's like, yeah. And she's like, what, what flavor, uh, protein? I was like, just vanilla, whatever. And she's like, okay, cool. So I just sit down. There's like no one there. Then all of a sudden these like four girls come in and they know the girl behind the counter. So they're just congregating. And then naughty monkey? And here comes the naughty monkey. And I'm like, thanks. And I get the fuck out of there. I'm like, this is what I'm trying to avoid.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  You know what though? See, I kinda love that because I feel like that brings us together closer as a nation. Because

• 24:35Speaker 02

  The naughty monkey?

• 24:36Speaker 01

  We are so much of like branding now is like, like, let me get the fucking, like men's soap is like thick and you know, like fucking barrel roasted, like. Stuff like that, the naughty monkey.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  I don't wanna.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  That makes people feel more like connected, you know?

• 24:53Speaker 02

  If anything, that makes me feel embarrassed. And to be fair, I would be all, all equally as embarrassed to order like. Bullet blood or something. I'd be like, I don't need that either.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Well, I think what we need to do is we need to find the racist.

• 25:06Speaker 02

  What?

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Follow me, follow me here.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  We're following.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  We need to find the most like racist per capita area in our country. And open a shop like that.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Which one?

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Like the, where it's like smoothie, where it's smoothie, no, no, no, where it's all smoothies, but the names are stuff like that. Because I feel like that immediately kind of lets your guard down a little bit. It softens you up. If you're going in and it's like Jimmy John's, give me the fucking double fucking stack sandwich of big muscles. People are gonna be like, this is appropriating hyper masculine toxic masculinity. But if you're in west bumblefuck and fucking doodle doo doodoo town.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  And what would it be called?

• 25:51Speaker 01

  It could just be called like.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  I'm saying what would like, what are they ordering? What's that?

• 25:55Speaker 01

  It doesn't matter. It could be any, it could be smoothies, it could be sandwiches, but give them a fun, cute name. So people are just like, you know what? Maybe the way that I'm going about living my life and seeing the world is a little too intense.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Do you believe that the people who are turning off the halftime show to go watch Kid Rock perform at the same time? Are gonna be interested in buying your cute named smoothies? Cause I don't believe they will be.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Depends what the name of the smoothie is. That's what I'm saying.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Well, I'm just saying in the, in the example of Naughty Monkey, I think that would be a deterrent.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  So then you know what? You're right. You are correct. I should have thought of this sooner. Open it up with hyper masculine names for their smoothies. You know, lib tier, lib tier banana chunk.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  And then get them addicted to it.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  What?

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Or like get them like really into it, like the, the, the, the, the people turning off the halftime show. And then 180, then you name it something. Cause then they're just like, well, I need my shake. Let me get the chunky naughty monkey.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  All you have to do is get them addicted to it. And we'll slip nicotine pills into the smoothies.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  I'm not saying physically, like chemically addicted. I'm saying mentally.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  Hmm. Okay.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  You know what, I'll get back to you on that. I have no idea how we're gonna go about that at all, but...

• 27:20Speaker 01

  I mean, you could do it, cuz now, now, everything is protein. Protein's in fucking everything now. So like, you could do it.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  You know, protein to Dunkin' Donuts.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  What?

• 27:32Speaker 01

  Bro, you even seen Dunkin' Donuts protein drinks?

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Dunking Donuts?

• 27:36Speaker 01

  Dunkin' Donuts.

• 27:36Speaker 02

  What about it?

• 27:37Speaker 01

  Bro...

• 27:38Speaker 02

  They got protein drinks?

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Bro, when's the last time you went or passed by a Dunkin' Donuts?

• 27:42Speaker 02

  I mean, I've passed by them. I haven't gotten in a Dunkin' Donuts in a while, but they got great hot chocolate.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Do they?

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  I don't think I've chocolate in...

• 27:49Speaker 02

  By the way, fucking hot, bro. They got the hottest hot chocolate ever!

• 27:54Speaker 01

  They deliver. It's so hot!

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Listen, if you, there's many things you could say about Dunkin' Donuts. You're not gonna criticize their hot chocolate branding.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  It is so hot. I don't remember the last time I got a hot chocolate for Dunkin' Donuts.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  I always tell people that, where I'm like, they actually have a very good hot chocolate. And it's like, surprising cuz it's Dunkin' Donuts, but like, it's good. I like it.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  I mean, but if you go or pass by or something, next time, keep an eye out. Big poster. Protein matcha drinks. Protein coffee is...

• 28:25Speaker 02

  What are we doing?

• 28:26Speaker 01

  It's getting out of control.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Can I, can also, you know what, I'm gonna save this for after. Let's get to the sponsors. I do have a thing that I wanna say.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  Go get to them.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Uh, but this is where we're starting here, folks. Uh, we have Squarespace. Alright, Squarespace is back, and if I could find the thing, then that would be great. That ain't it. Here we go, folks. So, so Squarespace, so you guys know Squarespace. Um, you know, you're gonna build your website on this platform, okay? So if you have a bunch of content or ecommerce business, retail business, you are going to need a professional-looking website cuz that is your first impression with new customers and returning customers. If they go to your website and it doesn't look great, probably gonna turn away. You want it to look professional. Or if you're promoting yourself or something like that, you do want it to look professional. And Squarespace is going to help you do that because they have these templates that you can use.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  And it populates a website very easily. You just switch out the text and the photos. It's very easy. And they have made that whole process very streamlined and that's what you want. They also have a ton of tools that are going to help you optimize your traffic and let you know where it's all coming from and to keep track of all that. And Squarespace is the number one. It's what we use for all of our landing pages. Anytime we make them, we're making them with Squarespace. Okay, they're the best. So go to Squarespace.com/basement. The offer code is basement and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, that is Squarespace.com/basement. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code basement and you will save 10% off of your first purchase

• 30:04Speaker 02

  of a website or a domain. We also have SeatGeek, okay? SeatGeek is a ticketing app. So you're going to buy your tickets there. If you want to go to a concert or something, I know Harry Styles is doing 30 Nights at MSG. Insane. So if you want to pop out to that, SeatGeek's got you covered. There's over 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals. They got it all. So I've been using them for years also. They have over 35 million downloads and they're their number one rated ticketing, the number one rated ticketing app in the App Store. So incredible. They also let you know if you're paying a good price for a ticket or a bad price for a ticket.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  It's color coded, so it's transparent. Been working with them for years and they're great. So, you know, take someone you love out to a nice concert or something. Go have a good time. And when you do, save 10% off your tickets when you use the promo code basement2026, okay? So go download SeatGeek and use that code basement2026 to save 10% off of your tickets. Enjoy.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  And you know what? You know what else you can enjoy? You know what else you can unwrap? You could take the little wrapper and you could pull it out and it's beautiful. It's Patreon. What do you think about that?

• 31:26Speaker 01

  That feel good for you? And give them that famous back rub that you always give people that you got in trouble at your last job forgiving.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Don't do it. Oh.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  Patreon.com/thebasementyard is the best way to support us and we love and appreciate all the people that have not only signed up to support us this month, but have been supporting us for so long. And if you want to come and join the party, come on and join the party. It's a fun party. It's a good party. All the cool kids are doing it. So, jump on in. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. There are several tiers on there. If you sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. Then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes. Every single Friday. That's right. You get them. Monday, Friday, new basement yard. Oh, that's nice. You like that, right?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Good lord.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Go check it out. We want to thank you guys for helping us get so, so, so, so very close to 40,000 patrons and potentially over. And then, you know, who knows? Shoot for the moon and land amongst the stars. You know what I'm saying? So, go check it out on a web browser too, if you want to save yourself some money by signing up at Patreon.com/thebasementyard. If you use a smart app, our tech overlord lizard people are going to take extra money from you. So, save yourself some bucks while you're doing it. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. We love you. We thank you. We kiss you. We spank you.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  I don't know if we can say that legally.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  Didn't you get in trouble your last job for spanking too?

• 32:52Speaker 03

  He told me not to.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  What was your last job?

• 32:56Speaker 01

  God. Yeah, wait. That's a good question. Have you ever worked a job?

• 33:00Speaker 03

  Pizza delivery? That was your last job before this? Yeah.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  I went on... Me too.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Look at that!

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Look at us. Trying to be me, dude? Be you! I tried to go on some interviews in finance and I went, "God, this is awful."

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 33:15Speaker 03

  So then I started YouTube.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Did you get any cool questions? Like, "What's your best quality?"

• 33:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I really didn't.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  You didn't get any?

• 33:23Speaker 03

  It was so, it was so entry level. It was right out of college that it wasn't anything crazy. Did you, did you get the job? I didn't go back for the next interview. I just didn't want to do it.

• 33:32Speaker 01

  They invited you back, but you said, "No, thanks."

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. Wow.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Did you get any of those like, questions that are like, they're meant to be like, critical thinking questions?

• 33:41Speaker 03

  No. It really wasn't like that. It was just personality hire, you know?

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Oh, you were the personality?

• 33:50Speaker 02

  He probably would be the personality hire.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Interesting. I got one of those. I'm sorry, you wanted to say something about protein. You were about to go on a rant. I felt it brewing.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  I just wanted to say that like, I think we need to cut it with matcha. Like, I think we need to-

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Don't! God, fuck!

• 34:07Speaker 02

  I think we need to cut it out.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  This is way worse than I could have expected.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  And I'm okay with it existing, but I think we need to dial it back.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  I-

• 34:17Speaker 02

  It just feels like it's gotten out of hand.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  It's gotten out of hand because you go to some fucking, you know, uh, uh, uh, uh, fucking underground basement speakeasy, uh, uh, fucking BDSM coffee shop in Brooklyn where they're just like, "We can whip you with this whip and we can give you a coffee." It's brewed out of the asshole of some fucking, you know, Guatemalan person. Like, it is getting, it's been bastardized.

• 34:43Speaker 02

  You're proving my point.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  But that's what I'm saying, is that it's like, it's like, it's a little too much for me.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Well, has there been anything that we could think of that like, became a huge trend and then died?

• 34:54Speaker 02

  I'm sure we could. One thing I just want to fit in about the matcha?

• 34:58Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 34:58Speaker 02

  Tastes like shit.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  No.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Tastes like shit.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Dude, I, alright, I'm, I'm bringing in matcha next time we record, and I'm making you a stupid cup of it.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Great.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Ask me my opinion.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  You don't, there's no way in fuck-

• 35:12Speaker 01

  I can almost imagine.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  What do you, do you like it?

• 35:16Speaker 03

  No, it's awful.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  God, fuck.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Have you had it?

• 35:18Speaker 03

  I have.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  What does it taste like?

• 35:20Speaker 03

  The ground, but bad.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Oh my god, no!

• 35:23Speaker 02

  I've had ground stuff that tastes good ground, but this is bad ground.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  You guys have not had good matcha.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  Dirt tastes better.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  I, I want to cry and throw up and piss on you at the exact same time.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  You love matcha like that? When's the last time you had matcha?

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Yesterday.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  Really?

• 35:37Speaker 01

  I have it often and plentiful.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  It's so, like, listen, I will, I will do this. I will, I will, I will give this up. The popularity of like matcha is not what like real matcha is. That's like someone saying like, "I'm wearing a fucking, you know..."

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Sweatpants and a steamer.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Fuck, you don't do that. No, but that's like someone saying like, you know, "Oh, I'm wearing a, a watch from fucking McDonald's. All watches need to chill." Like, uh, no.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Because I know that you get into this thing, and I hear it a lot too, it's ceremonial grade. And I'm like, what does that mean, one?

• 36:20Speaker 01

  That's just the level of quality.

• 36:22Speaker 02

  But does that mean it's, it's appropriate for ceremonies?

• 36:26Speaker 01

  So, the Japanese and the Chinese.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  I say that like I'm gonna offend them. I'm not. That was like a hard J and a hard C.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  The Japanese!

• 36:34Speaker 02

  And the Chinese!

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Like, take it, you know what? I'm just gonna hold this, just in case. Just, it's smart to have that. Just call and say, stand by.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Just saying a hard J and a hard C.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  The, the, the Japanese and the Chinese have tea ceremonies.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  That's like a whole thing that they do. I think the ceremonial grade just has to do with the quality of it because below that, you get like restaurant grade, which is what is used in baking and cooking and, and desserts and stuff like that.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Got it.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  So, it, it is a significant quality, like as someone that has had a lot of matcha, it's a significant quality jump once you get, and then you're just like, "Oh shit, like this is..." Have you ever had something that like people talk about and then you have like a good version of it and you're just like, "Oh shit, that's not that."

• 37:25Speaker 01

  That's like if you're having fucking Franzia wine and you're just like, "All wine is this."

• 37:31Speaker 02

  No, it's not. You know, I've never had Franzia wine?

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Consider yourself lucky.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  It's a hangover in a bag.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  Well...

• 37:37Speaker 01

  And a box.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, who thought of that?

• 37:41Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Put it in a box.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  Dude, good matcha has such a variety of flavors because you're getting...

• 37:49Speaker 02

  What is it, by the way?

• 37:50Speaker 01

  It's stone ground Japanese tea. Green tea.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  Got it.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  So, what they, the, the, the Jap-

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Sorry, I'm worked up now.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Whoa dude.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  You got me worked up. The Japanese, again, I went with a hard.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  They make, they process their green tea different than the Chinese process theirs. The Chinese roast their green tea to keep it green. The Japanese will steam it, or they'll, in sweatpants. And then what they do is they take that tea.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  And they put it in a big stone mill and they fucking grind it into a very fine powder.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I see people where they got the thing and they're like, shh, shh, shh, shh.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  I actually like watching people make it.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  I love watching people make stuff like that.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Also, oh, you don't, like, when you, if you get matcha at, like, a place, does that, like, automatically come with milk?

• 38:42Speaker 01

  No, I mean, you could get it with milk if you want, like a matcha latte, but like, normal matcha is just water and matcha powder.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Right, and it's like a size of an espresso, I'm assuming?

• 38:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:53Speaker 02

  More?

• 38:54Speaker 01

  It could be more, so like, I have it in bowls that are like this big.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  That's a lot of matcha.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  But it's not, like, you use like a small scoop of it, because you think about it, like, the amount, like, look at, like, let's use this tea as an example. That looks like a lot, but when you, when you fucking grind it into a powder, it's nothing. So you use a little bit of, of green tea, like, matcha powder, because you're drinking the whole leaf, you're consuming the whole thing, not just an extraction. Sorry, my voice just came up.

• 39:23Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 39:24Speaker 01

  But, dude, I, I hear what you're saying, and if you've had bad experiences, fine.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  Just think you gotta chill.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  I don't think.

• 39:31Speaker 03

  That's a long lesson for something that tastes like that.

• 39:40Speaker 02

  It's a long lesson for something that tastes like shit.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  I didn't, I didn't say that.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  That's what you said! I'm, I wanna strangle both of you, right now.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  Cause I don't like matcha and I think it's gotten out of hand.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  I mean, I'm being hyperbolic for the sake of our show, none the le, if you don't like it, whatever. If anything, it does me better.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Do you like matcha lattes?

• 40:01Speaker 01

  I prefer not to have them that way. It's bastardizing.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  I don't like any really bastardizing.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  It is. You're, you're, it's, it's like, personally, if you like it, good for you, fine, I'll make it for you if you want. I prefer like to drink it the way that it's supposed to be drank, which is by itself.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  The way that our good-

• 40:23Speaker 01

  The way that Japanese-

• 40:25Speaker 02

  And the Chinese-

• 40:27Speaker 01

  The Chinese-

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Have laid out for us. Okay.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Japanese.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  What's your coffee order? Are you a black guy?

• 40:35Speaker 01

  You, that's two, that's two of them.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  It's two in one episode, it's crazy, yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  Um, milk, skim milk and one sugar.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Skim? By the way, when I was younger, I thought skim milk was breast milk. Like I, I-

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Like skin milk?

• 40:47Speaker 02

  I think that's why I thought that.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  I, I, I, I-

• 40:51Speaker 02

  When someone's like, "Oh, I'm drinking skim milk," I was like, "Is that your mom's?" Like, I literally thought it was like a tit milk.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  It, it looks like just water and milk. Like it-

• 40:59Speaker 02

  I don't even know what it is.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  I, I'm sure there's a difference, but is it like, it's like whole milk, 2%, 1% skim?

• 41:08Speaker 03

  Maybe I'm thinking 1% then.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  I also could be wrong.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  How do you not know? You don't order coffee ever?

• 41:15Speaker 03

  I do, but it's just, I think it's 1%. I get 1%.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  You tell them, "Give me 1%."

• 41:21Speaker 03

  I want 1%.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Can I ask why? Like, what's the difference between that and 2%?

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Well, you're a whole milk guy. Like, I could actually say-

• 41:28Speaker 01

  I love whole milk, I love it.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  But how's the, is there a big difference between those things?

• 41:32Speaker 01

  I haven't had a cup of 1% milk since I was four, so I can't sit here with confidence-

• 41:36Speaker 02

  I don't know if I've ever had that.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 41:38Speaker 02

  2%, I used to, I used to let rip.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Let's do a taste test.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  Oh, I can't.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Uh, uh, for reasons we can't get into, I drank too much milk recently.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, me too.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  And I don't want to see another cup of it for a very long time.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was a rough one.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  So, you, you just do your coffee black.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  You do-

• 41:57Speaker 02

  I'll get a cappuccino like-

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Six times a year.

• 42:02Speaker 01

  Oh, with whip?

• 42:04Speaker 02

  Whip?

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Whip cream on it?

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Whip cream? Yeah, or just like cream?

• 42:09Speaker 01

  No, whip cream on top.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Like a, like a, like a ice cream sundae? No, no? Do they do that? Is that a thing?

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Where, IHOP?

• 42:18Speaker 01

  I, I mean, I've been to places, I've been to places where it's like they bring a cappuccino and they put a little whip cream on top.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Oh, I mean, if that's the case, I am not familiar with that. I've only gotten it when it's like, you know, that's, cause I wanted to see what they can do.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  You like to see, do you like those TikToks that are like people that make like espresso like in their home, like they have like the whole grinder?

• 42:38Speaker 02

  I actually love watching that. I feel like it's cra- the spray is wild, but like I, I do enjoy watching it. But if I go into a coffee shop that I've never been to before and the girls behind the counter are wearing beanies and glasses, then I'll get a cappuccino. Cause I'm like, let's see what these girls can do, cause they look like they can do stuff.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Do you commit to like the hipsters do have the best coffee places or like?

• 42:57Speaker 02

  Um, I think that they care enough to be good at the art at least, but I don't know. I don't, I don't, like, I'm not well versed.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  We'll never find you in like a...

• 43:07Speaker 02

  I don't seek out coffee.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  A, a Starbucks.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  I, I would go, but I, I don't seek out coffee.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  I was talking to Greg the other day. I know you'd get a kick out of this. I went and got Becca a thing of like cold brew. From this place near us, but I didn't realize it was cold brew concentrate.

• 43:24Speaker 02

  Oh dude.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  So I gave her a cup like this.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  Frank.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Of cold brew concentrate.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  You're trying to kill your wife.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  She had it and she's like, damn, my stomach is not feeling well.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Not your stomach, check your heart rate.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  Dude, she had quite a bit of it.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  I, I just, eh, I, I, I, I can't do, I can't, I can't do the matcha slander. I understand why you, why it's gotten to a point where it's just like, alright, it's blowing up in popularity that needs to fucking chill. But at least acknowledge that like, you haven't had the good stuff.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  I'll try it. But like, if I, I'm gonna give you an honest opinion.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  That's fine, that's what I'm hoping.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Try to hate it either, but like.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  That's what I'm hoping for.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Isn't that weird that we order coffees and some of them just taste like shit? Like they're so, they ta- their taste is so ve- like, in...

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Come on now.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  What happened over there?

• 44:17Speaker 01

  I don't know. You shoot your pants?

• 44:18Speaker 03

  The taste of coffee is so different at so many different places. It's not like, if you order pancakes, you probably know what it's gonna taste like, but I feel like coffee is so different everywhere.

• 44:27Speaker 02

  Well, also, if you're, yeah, if you're getting like espresso drinks, you know, the way that, I have a coffee machine now and it is a nightmare. Um, like, getting it right is like impossible.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  But, so I, yeah, I don't know.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  But isn't there, isn't that kind of the beauty of it? Isn't that kinda nice that like every single, uh, brew or whatever you're making, it gives you a different, there's different notes in there. Sometimes you're getting some fruity, sometimes you're getting some earthy, sometimes you're just getting garbage.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Right now, we're not getting a variety, we're getting all dog shit. So that, there is no variety yet. But I agree, I think that like different beans tasting a certain way, and a dark roast, and a light roast, and the fucking blah blah blah, that would be nice. Um, but you know, we have, it's gonna take some time to dial it in.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  Go, go, commit to being a coffee snob.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  I'm more of like a drip guy.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Just get drip.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  Like a pour-over? Sure.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Just commit to being-

• 45:26Speaker 02

  In the summer, I'm iced coffee, easy.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Oh, you, you change with the seasons?

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I gotta, I gotta, I like a nice iced coffe.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  That makes sense, I mean...

• 45:35Speaker 02

  It's hot out here.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  I, I, I get, so you, it's to cool you down?

• 45:38Speaker 02

  But I can't have an iced coffee outside, it's two degrees right now. My hand will freeze in half.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Just commit to being a coffee snob.

• 45:46Speaker 02

  I don't like it enough.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  Just do it.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  I don't like it enough.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Just fucking commit to doing it.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  No.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Why not?

• 45:52Speaker 02

  I'd rather just be like a wine snob. Even though I haven't had, like, wine in a very long time.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  You've not been drinking, so like, co- coffee you could drink and not feel guilty about it?

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  So just, just, just fucking commit to it.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  I don't know that I wanna be the, like, I'll hook up, I gotta, then it's, it goes, and it crushes, and it grinds, and I click in them, and then I slap it, and then I-

• 46:18Speaker 01

  But it's a little moment of fun!

• 46:19Speaker 02

  And then I'm blowing hot air into my milk.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 46:22Speaker 02

  And then I'm, and then the thing sucks it in, and then I'm-

• 46:25Speaker 01

  But it's, look, look, look, but guess what? Guess what morning?

• 46:27Speaker 02

  It's a little moment for you.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  That is a job. I am a barista in my own home. This is a prison.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  That's okay. You're doing something for you. Guess what? That's a form of self-love, baby. That's a form of being able to sit down and just be like, "I'm gonna tinker over here and I'm gonna do over here." And you're making something for yourself. You're putting kindness and heart and passion into it.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just don't think the payoff is like... I, I, I agree that I think the notion is like, "That's nice." I don't know that the payoff is worth it yet.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Just do it. Buy all the gadgets and just fucking fully commit to it.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  I'll tell you the part that I do like: tampering. Oh, when they...

• 47:06Speaker 02

  Stamping shit is fire. Like, just stamping. You know, like a stamp? Oh, you know it's fire?

• 47:12Speaker 01

  I know what you're gonna say. I know what you're gonna say.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Wax!

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Bro, I should be writing letters. I don't know who I'd write them to, but I should write letters. But I'd get some fucking wax and then you go... Or even cool, if you get like, your thumb in there.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  I mean, you're talking about...

• 47:29Speaker 01

  You're not gonna...

• 47:30Speaker 02

  Being incarcerated.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Wax, dude.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  But that's what you do when you get arrested.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  I mean, you're not gonna get arrested for writing a letter to somebody.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  I'm not worried about being arrested. I just think that like...

• 47:40Speaker 01

  You're fine.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? I'd rather stamp.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Oh, with like, the one that ha... Yeah, like it has like, you know, J and S and then you... I'm telling you, wax doesn't get the love that it deserves. As, as an entity.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  I like and don't like, when wine bottles have the wax on it, I'm like, "This looks so fire." But then when you try to open that bottle, oh my god.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  I like wax 'cause like, I feel like I'm like a whittler. Like, I can like whittle... You know people how they like whittle wood? I can't do that, so I do it with wax. And I feel like, "This is cool."

• 48:17Speaker 02

  It just sounds like you're saying little...

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Wood?

• 48:48Speaker 02

  In an accident.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  Widow.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  In an accident.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  It's just a widow wood.

• 48:53Speaker 02

  You're saying it in an accident.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  I used to do it all the time. My, my mom used to yell at, uh, my brothers and I, cause we would always take forks and just carve into her candles.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  And carve into the candles?

• 49:07Speaker 01

  That's fucked.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  What, what was her candle? Like a Yankee candle?

• 49:11Speaker 01

  She would have candles, like decorative candles for Christmas.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  But they're raw?

• 49:15Speaker 01

  They're, yeah, they're just like raw candles. And then there's just a fork more.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  This kid.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  Walking to his house, it's like, it's the cat. The cat got it.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  It's so fun to play with wax though, dude.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  I enjoy wax.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  I like tape. I'm a tape guy. I fuck with tape.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Tape's a good one. I can't talk shit about tape.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  I like taking tape and wrapping it around my hand and then looking at my hand all flat.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  You know what? We should do an episode, cause I did that episode.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying?

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Covered in tape. You should do an episode.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you like taped down your nipples, it like, your nipples look different.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Why do we gotta go with nipples, brother?

• 49:58Speaker 02

  I mean, you taped down your nipples that day.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  I, I, I.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  I did.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  I know.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  I did.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  But like, it was, it was a lot of tape too. I think, I, I say. Tape?

• 50:10Speaker 02

  Tape's fantastic.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  We, uh, r- rank these in terms of bestness.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  Tape?

• 50:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Wax?

• 50:22Speaker 02

  There's another one I wanna put in there.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  You did this without a third?

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Just the ones we've talked about already?

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Tape?

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  Wax?

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:33Speaker 02

  Rope?

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  String?

• 50:36Speaker 01

  What's that? Yarn?

• 50:38Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Yarn, tape, wax.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  String is so ass. Yarn though?

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Like.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  I'm like a kitty cat around yarn.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Like twine? Get it the fuck out of here. But yarn, baby?

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Twine, go to hell. Um, twine. Pretentious. I love yarn.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Wait, what am I doing? Wax?

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Based off of-

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Tape. Wax is number one. Wax is cool.

• 51:01Speaker 01

  You think wax is one?

• 51:02Speaker 02

  I like wax. But tape. Tape's got a place.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  What kinda tape? Oh, we've, we recently talked about tape, didn't we?

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Did we?

• 51:09Speaker 01

  I think we said like, the tape that like, shits its pants when you open it?

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  I'm into it, but I don't like that I gotta try and find the edge because I fucking accidentally like, it's impossible. Yo, low-key electric tape? That shit is dope.

• 51:23Speaker 01

  Yo, I would, I'm not kidding. Chew on electric tape like bubble gum.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  You chew on it?

• 51:28Speaker 01

  I would.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  Have you? Not recently, probably, but you have.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  No, not.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  In your life? Yeah, you have.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  You chewed on it?

• 51:37Speaker 01

  What about that blue thumbtack stuff?

• 51:39Speaker 02

  That shit is-

• 51:40Speaker 01

  That- Don't make it look like gum if I can't chew on it.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Yo, that's, that's, that's how you know God's real. Because that shit exists. That fucking, what's it called? You used to love that.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  Thumbtack, yeah.

• 51:53Speaker 02

  Thumbtack, yeah, yeah.

• 51:53Speaker 01

  I used to collect it, dude.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. Huh?

• 51:55Speaker 01

  I was a kid.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  You used to collect it?

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've told the story.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  What is colle- oh, you had like a, wait, why, why did I know this?

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Because-

• 52:03Speaker 02

  What'd you say? Or you put it in your pants or something?

• 52:04Speaker 01

  No, I like, I like, put it on my chin. And I would go like this and it would wag back and forth and it looked like a dick.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  And I, I brought it to my sister's play and...

• 52:16Speaker 02

  Got in trouble, probably.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did get in trouble.

• 52:18Speaker 02

  I did love that stuff and they would just come in like the little packs and I would just ball them up and then-

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Well, that's how we used to hang up posters. Are posters still a thing?

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, are bulletin boards a thing in schools?

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  Poster, no, I don't, your, your mom's a teacher.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  She's got a bulletin board?

• 52:34Speaker 01

  I assume.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Does she go by like her first name or something? Like, is that something they're doing now?

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, is it Miss Yellow or is it? Or she's just like, yeah, just call me Ann or whatever.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  It's last name.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  It's Mrs. Prisco.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Mrs. Prisco. Mrs. Prisco, that's such a teacher name.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  That's such a teacher name. I, I, I did like the teachers that would just be like, call me, by my first name.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Steve.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, call me Steve. Mr. Steve. We had a teacher.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Well, Mr. Yeah, that's fine. Well, his last name was impossible.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  It was the exact same as our teacher's last name.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Oh shit, that's right.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Who am I thinking of then?

• 53:11Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  You know, one time I saw the payroll at that school? Ooh, shouldn't have said that.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  What are they gonna do?

• 53:21Speaker 02

  I know.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  You're at school sweetheart.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  It was 20 years ago, but I, I saw the payroll and I was like, oh.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  Wait, you were, you were a 13 year old kid seeing the payroll?

• 53:31Speaker 02

  Um.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  And you thought it was rough back then?

• 53:34Speaker 02

  No, no, no. No, my mom worked there.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  I, no, no, no. You don't need to, I know, why?

• 53:40Speaker 02

  I'm bringing her down with me.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  You're going down.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  No, she didn't like show me it. It was like on her computer because she was a secretary and I like came to see her one day. And I was just like sitting in her chair and I was like, you know, when you're a kid and you're like, I'm gonna start throwing stuff around. And then I looked at the screen and there was like, I, then I noticed that it was a payroll because it had teachers' names that I like, whatever. And I was more fascinated by finding out these teachers that I had their first name because that was like, but then I was like, Let's see what they pay. Let's see what they pay in rent.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  What are these numbers, dude?

• 54:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's see what they pay in rent. Not good? No, I think, I think one of them that like was tenured, had been there was making like 92. That's a lot.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, that's a lot for a fucking.

• 54:22Speaker 02

  And that was a while ago.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  2006.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  That's why I was just like, damn, bro.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Damn, I mean, let's make this.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Remember Ms. Franco? God damn, bro. I don't, I don't even remember what she was making.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  I mean, they were paying her in fucking like $2 bills. This woman was so old.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  Bro, yeah, she was so old. Yeah, I, I'm convinced that she had the fucking Tony Stark thing in the center of her chest, keeping her alive. Because I'm like, dude, you, you know you're dead.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  I mean, let's make sure we say this. Teachers are criminally underpaid for what they have to do.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  We have to, and like.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  Who signs up for that?

• 54:57Speaker 01

  I don't know, dude. There are times where I've done cameos or people are just like, oh, there's so and so's a teacher. And I'm like, what a thankless job.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  Bro, my god.

• 55:06Speaker 01

  You're signing up to get screamed at by children.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  You must want, like, want to educate the youth so much and you, and like you have such a. Passion for that and I respect that so much, but my god. If I had to go to fucking work and deal with these dumbass kids all day and then go home and grade thirty papers about Abraham Lincoln, I'd blow my head off.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  How much you think they're actually grading at those though?

• 55:30Speaker 02

  That is a fair question.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  How much you think that they're actually grading a fucking book report on Catcher in the Rye?

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Well, our friend Tim growing up, he's a teacher and I used to talk to him about that exact thing and he's like, oh, they're gonna grade it. And then you have to also lesson plan for the next day. It's, it, it's never ending.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  That is crazy.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  And then, now I gotta go online and pray to god someone can help me with my Amazon list so that my kids can have shit and I can actually teach them. What the fuck are we doing?

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  What are we doing out there?

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Why'd your mom get into teaching?

• 56:01Speaker 03

  Uh, I think it was a family thing. Like my grandma taught, siblings taught.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  Oh, you're just teachers?

• 56:08Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Your grandma was a teacher?

• 56:11Speaker 03

  I believe so.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  She a mean one?

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  Why? She mean, she's a mean grandma?

• 56:16Speaker 03

  No, but.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  Did she ever give you money?

• 56:17Speaker 03

  She's fiery. Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  She gave you money?

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  A lot of money?

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Hmm, no.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Oh, yep. You're hesitant.

• 56:26Speaker 03

  No, because I was like, no.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 56:28Speaker 03

  But.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  My grandmother used to write me checks for twenty dollars.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Imagine giving a child a check. The fuck do I do with this?

• 56:36Speaker 02

  I used to get checks for like, like birthdays and stuff. I remember just handing it to my mom, be like, what the fuck do I do with this? Yeah, I mean, I, you know.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  What did you do with it?

• 56:44Speaker 02

  I gave it to my parents.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and they figured it out. I don't understand.

• 56:49Speaker 02

  By the way, I've never seen a dollar of that money.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Like my checks? That, that disappeared. They spent.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, something you'll learn when you get, uh, to have kids is you... Their money is your money.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  You know, like.

• 57:05Speaker 01

  But my money's not their money.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  I'm kidding, it is.

• 57:09Speaker 02

  But I like, don't think I ever saw that. Like, I didn't like, get to a certain age, my parents were like, "Here's the bank account that we have for you." I was like, "Oh shit, I gotta go to the bank and get a bank account."

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Really?

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Swear to god.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  I think they had a bank account for me, like a savings account, and I have one for the kids. But I don't think it was like, it was, because it was like, you get like, forty dollars in cash for your birthday.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's years of that.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, but what are you making off of eighty dollars a year for twenty years?

• 57:36Speaker 02

  Well, my extended family would send letters to the house, and those would have checks in it.

• 57:41Speaker 01

  Okay, but so you're maybe getting how many a year?

• 57:43Speaker 02

  I don't know, dude.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Maybe you're, it's something.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  I also, in fifth grade, I won an essay writing contest.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  That's right, he did.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  That was five hundred bucks. That went straight to the electricity bill.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Really?

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Probably. I mean, I never saw it.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  Five hundred bucks? Jesus Christ, you, I've, you're rich!

• 57:58Speaker 03

  What was the essay about?

• 57:59Speaker 01

  9/11.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  Truly about 9/11, yeah.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 58:03Speaker 02

  Say it. Say what you wanted to say.

• 58:06Speaker 03

  Nothing. I think it was worth the five hundred, probably could've got a little more.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I knew what I was doing.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  He was, he was playing it up. He was prime for like, winning that. His dad was a firefighter. Are you kidding me?

• 58:18Speaker 02

  They, it was, it was like, uh, the, the theme was like, "What do you think a hero is?" And I was like, "I'm tying in 9/11, and if they don't give it to me, they forgot and never forget."

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Never.

• 58:30Speaker 02

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• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  But yeah, what were we talking about? Someone's grandma or something?

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Teaching and shit like that.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's different than that.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  I don't know. What's the, what do you think is the worst grade to teach?

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Seventh.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  That's a tough one.

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  That's when I was the worst.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  That's a tough one, yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  Everyone was the worst also, like.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  I feel like I was a little worse than sixth, but seventh is like, where?

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  At sixth, I was in a new school, so I was on my best behave. I was definitely forging those reading logs like crazy, though.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  My teacher, Ms. Gross.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  That was her name. Ugly?

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  I don't understand. I remember we used to get those reading logs that had like the smiley face. It was like, you read this, this page or this page, put a smiley face for how you like it. Fuck that, dude.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  I, I, I don't know that I've ever read for my reading log.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  I know I did. There's like, I've read the Harry Potter books. I've read the Chronicle of Narnia books. I've read a series of unfortunate event books. If I wasn't reading one of those for those logs, it was fake.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  It was fake.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  I would make up titles to books. I'm like, they're not checking this.

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, it was, but this was early, early internet. You think they're gonna check the name of fucking?

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  What do you know, every book?

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, no.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  I'm making up a book, I don't care.

• 1:02:41Speaker 01

  Do you make up, and do you remember any of the ones you made up?

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  No, it was probably like, you know, the biography of Michael Jordan or something.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, you were probably writing those.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  I was just like, making up.

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  You just like, heard your dad told you something about Clyde Drexler and you were like, I read that from a book.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then I, you know, made up a reading log of that.

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  Can we move past like, the traditional like, reading things that kids have to read, like Catcher in the Rye? Hatchet?

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  All the other stupid ones?

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  All My Bones. What's that called?

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  The fuck, The Lovely Bones?

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  The Lovely Bones.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  You had to read that as a child? That's about murder and like-

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  I think we read that in high school. Did you read that?

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  No, I read the-

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  In your guys' high school? That was about like-

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  Lovely Bones?

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, wasn't it about like assaulting a child and then murdering her?

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  Uh, there was definitely a dead woman's bones, yeah.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  I heard it's very good, uh, but-

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  I just watched the movie. Yeah, I mean, The Catcher in the Rye, I completely bullshitted my way through those tests somehow.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  I'm not kidding. What the fuck is that book about?

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  See, I wish I knew the answer, but I didn't read it.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  People are just like Holden Caulfield is a martyr.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's his name.

• 1:03:49Speaker 01

  What the fuck does that even mean?

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  Of Mice of Men, that's another one that I read.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  That one I read and I remember liking that one because I felt bad that he.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, whenever I think of Of Mice of Men, I think of this one English class that I had in high school. And I, and we were talking about the book and I remember the teacher had asked me a question. I hadn't read anything. And then the bell went off, so I just got up and left. And when I walked out into the hallway, there was a girl coming down the hallway and she was like this and throwing up through her hands. So whenever I hear of Mice of Men, I think of that throwing up girl.

• 1:04:20Speaker 03

  My English teacher, her whole like thesis was on The Great Gatsby and she hated Daisy. I don't know if that's too diva cut. She hated this character.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  I mean, I, I've never read The Great Gatsby.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Like just every time she spoke, she's like unlike Daisy, like, like she, like, uh, an enemy from the past.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  I understand. Listen, I'm not sitting here and, and like not advocating for books because I do think books are cool. But like, read the, read the, watch the movie.

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  Do you guys think this is weird? So I've been reading a lot lately and I'm reading this book now. It's fucking 550 pages, but it's fantastic. But.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  Is it the mushroom one?

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  No, no, no. I actually put that down. Um, and I'm trying this different book, but I, I noticed, cause I tried to do audible. Like recently where I'm like, I'm gonna get on the treadmill and I'm just gonna listen. But it's like hard for me if I'm doing something else. Like I can do audible if I'm just sitting and just like listening. Uh, but I can't do it while running. So I was like, all right, I'm not doing audible. And then I was like, I'm gonna read the physical book. And then I would get distracted doing that too. But then I do, I listen along to the book. And I follow along on the actual book.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  So you're double paying for the book?

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Yes, but I have credits. I mean, I got, I got 12 credits for, for Christmas, so it was free. I mean, someone else paid for it, but they, so.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm paying double for books so that I can read them. So you're. I'm listening and following along on the pages. Brother. But I, I feel like it helps me retain the information like a lot better. I just, just like double read the single book. Double read? Yeah, like I, my issue with reading is like, I'll read a page and then I'll be on the third page and be like, oh, fuck, I don't remember a page and a half ago, so I have to go back and reread it. Well, this is the thing. You can save time if someone's reading it and you're kind of following along. You're getting it in two ways at once. That's how it feels. So double penetration.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  Say it. The book. The book is DPing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm, I'm getting gang banged by information. You're getting gang banged by words, dude. And I, and I, but, and that's the thing. And the, and I'm, yeah. Yeah. I'm getting DPed by this book and the information is sticking. I think I might start picking up reading again, but like reading like classic pieces of literature. Like I might start reading some, some Shakespeare just to fuck around and, you know, smarten myself up, you know? I don't know how much you're gonna get from that. I mean, probably not a lot. But I think it's a good way to just keep the brain moving. Right. And. You will get a lot from learning how to read.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  See. I fucking read so good, dude. Are you a good reader? I think I'm a great reader. Put something in front of me. Watch how good I read it. Look up a random, random set of words. No, you fucking did this. Now I'm pissed. Look up a sentence of words and I'm gonna read it so goddamn well. A sentence of words? Yeah, that already we're at a hot start here. He didn't say he was a writer. He's a reader. I'm a good, I'm a good reader, dude. Any. Are you gonna read it louder? Any sentence you pull up, I'll read it fucking perfectly. Not a sentence. We need, we need something here.

• 1:07:44Speaker 02

  Alright, just read that.

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  I mean, I can't see that.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  That's fair. Frank's blind. We gotta pull this in. No, we need more. We need more.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  Alright, how much am I reading?

• 1:07:52Speaker 03

  Just this first, this, I don't even know what this is, but this first thing, go.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  Okay. Strange bedfellows lamented the title of a recent letter to Museum News in which a certain Harriet Sherman excoriated the National Gallery of Art in Washington for its handling of tickets to the much ballyhooed Van Gogh's Van Gogh's exhibit.

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  Honestly?

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  You can stop. You got it.

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  But you, you hit ballyhooed.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  That was cra- I didn't even know they were gonna throw three of those kinda words at you.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  I mean, I saw excoriated when I got through that. I was like, I'm, I'm coasting.

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  Do you even know what that word is?

• 1:08:25Speaker 01

  Excoriated is like when you like attack something or like tear it apart.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  I was, I was impressed with the ballyhooed.

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  You can't ballyhooed. Alright, give Joey another one of those, uh, the second one, Joey do. Or the third one, the, the last one, the last one. That's about the same length. Come on, Joey, let's text out, let's see your good, the last one.

• 1:08:45Speaker 03

  Alright, last one, right here.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  Go, Joey.

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  What am I doing?

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  Read that.

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  Ethical appeals notwithstanding, great art with increasingly devolve into big business. Does that, business? Oh no, business. Firstly, great art can only be certified by its market value. Moreover, the world at large hasn't the- Why am I sounding like I'm on the news?

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  I love those sick cocks.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  Moreover, the world at large hasn't the means of acquisition. Only one museum currently has the funding to contend for the best pieces. The J. Paul Getty Museum founded by the billionaire oil man. The art may disappear into private hands, but its transfer will-

• 1:09:21Speaker 03

  Disseminate.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Disseminate one static fortune into the hands of various investors, collectors, and occasionally the artist.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  I mean, we have a better reader amongst us.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  There's been better.

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  But I think that-

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  Back to the pizza shop! I'm just good at reading, dude.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  You're a good reader.

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  I thank you so much.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  I do love those sick cocks that are just like pretend, like follow along like you're a newscaster. And it's like, "Tonight at nine," you know?

• 1:09:53Speaker 02

  That's tough.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  I think, I think we would be good newscasters. Hey, news, are you watching?

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  No, I'm not. I'm not good at that.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  Well, you, you've been saying that you've been applying for jobs with Fox News. Why don't you just show them what you could do?

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  Well, that was good, you know it.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Good.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  Whose side are you on? Now I'm confused.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  I don't even know whose side. Oh wait, can we quickly do the 6, 12, 18, 24?

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  6, 12, 18, 24. You have to do, so wait, keep those numbers in mind, and it's jerks? Or rubs?

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  Oh, like jerking off?

• 1:10:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Gotcha. Oh, you-

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  Donuts, beers, and miles. So, how many of those you do in a 24 hour period? You have to assign one of those to 6, 12, 18, and 24.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  Oh my god!

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Let me write this down.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  So it's, it's...

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  Donuts, beers, masturb- masturbations.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  And miles?

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Miles, yeah.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  Holy fuck. I mean...

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  I don't think anyone can crank their fucking hog six times in a day. You'll come out looking like-

• 1:11:16Speaker 02

  I mean, I could, if I had to, I would put that one at 6. There's no way I'm going to 12.

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  I can't imagine, I can't imagine that even-

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  Me neither.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  I think the beers-

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  I probably got up there like 3, 4 times when I was like in like 8th grade though.

• 1:11:27Speaker 01

  I think the beers would be 24. Now, hear me out, because 24 donuts is gonna kill me quicker than 24 beers.

• 1:11:36Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 1:11:37Speaker 01

  Probably not. But I would enjoy one of those significantly more.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  24 beers is probably more doable over the course of an entire day than 24 donuts. That would hurt me.

• 1:11:47Speaker 01

  Think about it like this, if you drink 1 beer an hour for an entire day, you technically don't get over the legal limit. So like, you're not gonna be like drunk to the point of like, oh my god.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  I also would be drinking a beer and like shotgunning a beer and then like not drinking for like a bit.

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, drink 3 in an hour, don't drink for 3 hours, do it again.

• 1:12:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, something like that. So it's probably doable, 24 is probably right. So we're gonna go jerk 6, beer 24. Now we have 12 and 18, and what's left? Miles and, well, miles-

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  Miles and donuts. I mean, miles has to be 18.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  What? I was gonna say half marathon. And then what am I saying? Donuts? Oh, fuck. 12 donuts is probably not hard. Over the course of a day?

• 1:12:29Speaker 01

  Brother, I think just the thought of eating that much of anything in a day.

• 1:12:34Speaker 02

  You'd rather run 18 miles?

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  Who said run, brother? I can walk while I eat these donuts and drink. I can walk the whole day. Start to front, face to ass.

• 1:12:43Speaker 02

  Start to front?

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  That's the same spot. Not if you're starting to back.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:52Speaker 02

  Start to front.

• 1:12:53Speaker 01

  I, I think that if you walk at a, at a rate of 3 miles per hour, and you walk eight, that's walking for 6 hours, straight. You can do that, dude.

• 1:13:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  You could, I mean, it's gonna be tough, don't get me wrong, but you could definitely do that.

• 1:13:11Speaker 02

  I guess you could walk and chug beers.

• 1:13:13Speaker 03

  Don't you think Jerk's gotta go in the 12 or 18?

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  Dude, your penis would be mush.

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  What is wrong with your fuck, dude?

• 1:13:20Speaker 02

  Your penis would just like...

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  It would, your dick would look like the "Where's my chocolate?" lady from SpongeBob.

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  It would look like someone crocheted it.

• 1:13:28Speaker 03

  I think you gotta put it in the 12.

• 1:13:30Speaker 02

  12? What would go 6 then?

• 1:13:32Speaker 03

  You could do 12. Maybe donuts?

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  6 donuts?

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

  18 miles.

• 1:13:37Speaker 01

  Brother, 6 donuts is...

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  Let's make it hard. I can eat 6 donuts easy.

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  Right, but you can't J at 12 times.

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  Correct.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:46Speaker 03

  So that makes it hard.

• 1:13:48Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck you.

• 1:13:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  That was disgusting.

• 1:13:51Speaker 03

  He said the question.

• 1:13:53Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  I don't, I think 12 Js, and then 6 donuts, 18 miles, 24 beers.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  Brother, I don't, I, I can't imagine...

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  12 Js is wild.

• 1:14:02Speaker 01

  That you, you, you wouldn't be able to breathe.

• 1:14:06Speaker 03

  How are you?

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, how is he, yeah, he's an autoretic asphyxiation, never gonna say that. Never gonna get that right on the first try.

• 1:14:13Speaker 01

  I don't, I, I, I mean, I think that, I think the 24 has to be beers. I think the 18 is miles.

• 1:14:19Speaker 02

  I'm aligned, I'm aligned.

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  I think the 12 is donuts.

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  You know, cuz you can bang out 3 donuts.

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  Is this a bad day, also? Like, am I not enjoying this day? This sounds awesome.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  This is being interesting, San Diego City's video.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  This sounds miserable.

• 1:14:36Speaker 02

  I mean, I think that part of the day would be fantastic. I think once you get into the wee hours, we're gonna have some trouble.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, this sounds, this sounds awful just because you're gonna, bro, you're gonna feel like shit. You're drinking-

• 1:14:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  You're, all day, the only thing, presumably, the only thing you're consuming is donuts and beer.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  That's why I want to bring it down to six donuts. Dude, a couple donuts, couple Jays, couple beers in the beginning of the day.

• 1:15:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're off to a hot start there.

• 1:15:04Speaker 03

  It's a good day.

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  That's a good morning.

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  And then you go jock some miles.

• 1:15:07Speaker 01

  That sounds miserable.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  I think I have an easier time-

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  A beer and a donut?

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good combination.

• 1:15:14Speaker 02

  Well, it doesn't have to be combined.

• 1:15:17Speaker 03

  Frank, what are you talking about? Last Memorial Day, you had, like, thirteen beers, you had eleven hot dogs.

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, that's a better combination than beers and donuts. Beers and hot dogs or beers and donuts?

• 1:15:33Speaker 03

  I'm not done-

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  Why do I need to defend this?

• 1:15:34Speaker 03

  Espresso martini.

• 1:15:36Speaker 01

  Stop what you're doing.

• 1:15:38Speaker 03

  Taco Bell, probably.

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  Two burgers. It was a couple burgers. I'm not, I'm not sitting here and saying that I don't have the capacity to do it.

• 1:15:46Speaker 03

  What are we talking about? Why are we talking about something you ate recently?

• 1:15:52Speaker 01

  Uh, oh, when, when I, when I went to Jersey Freeze with the kids and Becca. I ate everyone's food. Listen, I acknowledge that I, I-

• 1:16:01Speaker 03

  A donut is not even food.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  It, it's, it's butter and dough and sugar.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  How many donuts are you guys eating?

• 1:16:08Speaker 02

  Twelve.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  I'm saying twelve.

• 1:16:10Speaker 03

  I think that'll ruin your day more than the other things. Twelve Jays?

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  I wouldn't, I, I can't, that, that, I can't imagine your dick working after-

• 1:16:19Speaker 03

  I don't, yeah, I don't think it hap- I don't think I could, could. It would be tough. It would hurt, sure, there's a little bit of pain, maybe. But I think Joe eating twelve hot dogs would give him some hurt, too.

• 1:16:33Speaker 01

  Wait, hot dogs are in here?

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  No, no, donuts.

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, I'll say that.

• 1:16:38Speaker 03

  Alright, what if it's not donuts, it's hot dogs?

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  Twenty-four hot dogs!

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  No, realistically, in a twenty-four hour period, I can eat twelve hot dogs.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  I could do that in twenty-four hours. I would not be happy, nor would I, it would be easy.

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  We still need to do the, the, the, um, Pigs in a Blanket, how many we can eat in one episode. We didn't, we didn't do that. We talked about it.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  Just to max them out?

• 1:17:00Speaker 01

  Dude, I could fucking ruin some Pigs in a Blanket.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  Like, I don't know what it is about them, but like, just that combination.

• 1:17:08Speaker 02

  How many do you think you could eat in an hour? If you were like, paid per, you know what I mean?

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  How much am I getting paid per? Now we're talking, now Ant perked up, you saw that? He was like, oh.

• 1:17:16Speaker 02

  Well, whatever, whatever. It's a thousand dollars per.

• 1:17:20Speaker 01

  Tax free?

• 1:17:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  Ooh, a thousand dollars per? Hold on.

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:25Speaker 01

  One thousand dollars per pig in a blanket? And it's whatever I can eat in one hour?

• 1:17:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  And I can't throw it up?

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  Uh, no.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  For how long after that hour?

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  Just the hour.

• 1:17:38Speaker 01

  So, as long as I don't throw up, it could be an hour and one second, I throw up, I'm good.

• 1:17:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  I think realistically, I can eat thirty-two.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  Thirty-two?

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:17:51Speaker 02

  Is that even high?

• 1:17:52Speaker 03

  I thought that was gonna be way higher.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  I think I could eat thirty-two.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  Thirty-two? I feel like when I'm at a...

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  I feel like when I'm at somewhere that has them, I eat like, over ten.

• 1:18:05Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 1:18:06Speaker 01

  Accidentally.

• 1:18:06Speaker 03

  You have to eat one every two minutes, essentially, at that rate?

• 1:18:09Speaker 01

  This is very simple.

• 1:18:10Speaker 02

  Which I don't even think, I think that's harder to do. If I have to stop myself and eat one every two minutes.

• 1:18:16Speaker 03

  Dude, we should do the, the power hour.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  This is a very easy thing.

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  You could get fifty.

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  You think so?

• 1:18:22Speaker 02

  I believe in you.

• 1:18:23Speaker 03

  I feel like you're thinking of it like popcorn, when you should think of it like, you know.

• 1:18:29Speaker 01

  Oh, you're thinking of it like, uh, like, you're like a dirty bastard.

• 1:18:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, you gotta eat dirty, you gotta get dirty.

• 1:18:34Speaker 01

  No, dude, you gotta respect the blanket.

• 1:18:36Speaker 03

  This is a thousand dollars a dog, baby.

• 1:18:38Speaker 02

  And we're also dipping it.

• 1:18:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, so how much ketchup do you end up having, too?

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  And I also sprinkle a little sauerkraut on it.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  Do you?

• 1:18:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like to, why not?

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:18:48Speaker 01

  Treat it like a full dog.

• 1:18:49Speaker 02

  So what if you did just put it in a bowl and like, mix that all in like a salad, and then you were just shoving it like a pig?

• 1:18:55Speaker 01

  Yo, that sounds incredible. That sounds honestly really, really yummy.

• 1:18:59Speaker 02

  There's just ketchup and sauerkraut and dogs.

• 1:19:01Speaker 01

  I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to do, like, at a certain point, the ketchup needs to fucking chill.

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  I agree, yeah.

• 1:19:06Speaker 01

  Like, cuz then you'll just, then you'll fill up on ketchup. So, if we're doing this, I'm doing this no ketchup, cuz I'm saving as much room. You know, if there is... Hold on, listen, I, follow my math here, okay?

• 1:19:21Speaker 00

  Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.

• 1:19:48Speaker 01

  If there is...

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  I got the 4th of July episode's gonna go insane.

• 1:19:51Speaker 01

  If there is a fifth of a pig in a blanket amount of ketchup per pig in a blanket, five of them would be an extra pig in a blanket. So 10 of them would be two, 15 would be three, 20 would be four.

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  What? Am I supposed to know what that it means?

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  They get, they get what I'm saying. So, that's potentially 10 extra pigs in a blanket that I'm missing out on if I do ketchup on every single one.

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  So I think we, if we do this, no ketchup. Maybe one, just for like fucking-

• 1:20:22Speaker 02

  You'll have a dipping.

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  You can dip or not dip, it's up to you.

• 1:20:25Speaker 03

  You're saying the ketchup would take up dog space?

• 1:20:27Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 1:20:28Speaker 03

  Got it.

• 1:20:29Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  Locked in.

• 1:20:31Speaker 02

  A hundred per dog. Hundred per... How many? How much money are you walking away with?

• 1:20:38Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  Five Gs? Four Gs? Three Gs?

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  I, I think just to be safe, I would say 3,500. I think I, I would, I can with confi- if it was just like a-

• 1:20:48Speaker 02

  Am I bugging? I feel like...

• 1:20:49Speaker 03

  In a nap.

• 1:20:50Speaker 02

  Not crazy?

• 1:20:50Speaker 03

  The, the time will get ya. The quantity sure doesn't sound like a lot, the time will get ya.

• 1:20:55Speaker 01

  Brother, you think about it, if-

• 1:20:57Speaker 02

  I'm eating seven in like, no time.

• 1:20:59Speaker 01

  Yes!

• 1:21:00Speaker 02

  No time.

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  Yes! But then your brain catches up eventually, like, then your brain is gonna be like, "Oh shit, I just ate seven doggies."

• 1:21:06Speaker 03

  Oh, what am I talking about? No.

• 1:21:09Speaker 03

  You could definitely get 50.

• 1:21:10Speaker 01

  50, right?

• 1:21:11Speaker 03

  You could definitely get 50.

• 1:21:11Speaker 01

  I'm like, "Am I crazy?"

• 1:21:12Speaker 03

  Now I'm thinking about it, it's just-

• 1:21:14Speaker 01

  30 is probably a lot, but not when I'm going for it. I think, I think collectively, we can easily do 60.

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  Also, you said 30.

• 1:21:25Speaker 02

  Like, oh, yeah, yeah. 60 collectively would be insane.

• 1:21:29Speaker 01

  No, no, between me and you, I'm not choosing him, because I'm still mad at him.

• 1:21:33Speaker 03

  What if it's the, like, two people, so you're competing with someone, and to get the money, you also have to eat more than the other person?

• 1:21:39Speaker 01

  Who is it against?

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  I have an idea. I have an idea.

• 1:21:46Speaker 02

  When we surpass forty thousand patrons, we get a, we each get a plate.

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  Of forty.

• 1:21:53Speaker 02

  Of what?

• 1:21:54Speaker 01

  Of forty pigs in a blanket.

• 1:21:56Speaker 02

  We each do that, right? And for each one we eat, we'll donate the money to something. But we have to, we have to like figure out what the amount is per.

• 1:22:10Speaker 03

  I, I don't think that's for me to figure, I think that's for you.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  Well, I think if we, if we, if we're doing forty for forty thousand patrons.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  Forty each, forty, forty, forty?

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  Forty, forty, forty. Yeah, but we would have to finish all of them. It's only the ones that we finish. Yeah, so it would be whatever we finish times. I don't understand.

• 1:22:26Speaker 02

  This is crazy.

• 1:22:27Speaker 01

  This is a lot of money.

• 1:22:28Speaker 02

  I don't even know if I want to eat forty pigs in a blanket.

• 1:22:30Speaker 01

  And is there a hot dog charity?

• 1:22:32Speaker 03

  Now it's for charity.

• 1:22:33Speaker 02

  Now it's for charity, so if you don't eat it. Is there a hot dog charity? Listen to the words you say.

• 1:22:37Speaker 01

  Charity.

• 1:22:38Speaker 03

  Wouldn't it go to the, like, animals or something then? If, like, that, that's what would a hot dog charity would be?

• 1:22:42Speaker 01

  Hot dog charity.

• 1:22:43Speaker 03

  I'm not saying that's where it's going, I'm just saying that sounds closest to a hot dog, like a dog charity.

• 1:22:48Speaker 01

  Um, yep, so first thing that popped up.

• 1:22:53Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:22:55Speaker 03

  You're twisting your head like a German shepherd.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. There is apparently, uh, a charity called Hot Dogs That Help.

• 1:23:05Speaker 01

  Hot Dogs That Help Incorporated makes fundraising simple and profitable. We partner with schools, a full free plug, by the way.

• 1:23:12Speaker 03

  Also, we're not a school.

• 1:23:13Speaker 01

  They sell their signature hot dogs and fresh squeezed lemonade. Goal is to keep the profit to fund what matters.

• 1:23:19Speaker 03

  Oh, lemonade, hell yeah.

• 1:23:21Speaker 02

  I can't even tell you the last time I had a lemonade. That sounds fantastic.

• 1:23:25Speaker 03

  But if some toddler was selling it on the side of the road, I'm getting it.

• 1:23:29Speaker 02

  You know what I see videos of sometimes? People make lemonades and this girl has, like, there's like girls working there and they have these machines where they like cut a lemon in half and they put it in like a, a little mini bucket. Then they throw sugar in there and then they put the lemonade in and they shake it up and I'm like, that probably will put me in the hospital, but it probably tastes good.

• 1:23:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:48Speaker 01

  These look like good fucking hot dogs.

• 1:23:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, they do.

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  That's a good looking dog.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  How, so between the three of us.

• 1:23:56Speaker 03

  That's a hundred.

• 1:23:57Speaker 02

  We assign a number.

• 1:23:58Speaker 03

  It's a hundred twenty hot mini weenies.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  Hot mini weenies?

• 1:24:02Speaker 03

  If it's forty, forty, forty.

• 1:24:03Speaker 01

  Don't call them hot mini weenies, by the way. They're pigs in a blanket.

• 1:24:09Speaker 03

  What? Did I say hot?

• 1:24:10Speaker 01

  You said hot mini weenies.

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  What am I saying?

• 1:24:14Speaker 03

  Did I say that?

• 1:24:14Speaker 01

  Yes, you did. Run the fucking tape back.

• 1:24:17Speaker 02

  You could have. I feel like that wasn't the first time I heard it.

• 1:24:20Speaker 03

  Mini weenies, for sure. I said that. I don't know if I called them hot. I don't think I attributed any attractiveness.

• 1:24:25Speaker 02

  Well, I was thinking more like temperature.

• 1:24:26Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:24:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, see, now, now it sounds like you did attribute attractiveness to them.

• 1:24:31Speaker 03

  Alright, so what, a hundred mini weenie? That would be...

• 1:24:36Speaker 02

  That'd be a lot.

• 1:24:37Speaker 03

  That'd be a lot.

• 1:24:38Speaker 02

  Six G's or something. That's, that's, yeah.

• 1:24:41Speaker 03

  Doing math.

• 1:24:41Speaker 02

  For forty.

• 1:24:43Speaker 03

  Yeah? You're locking that one in?

• 1:24:46Speaker 02

  Do I wanna eat all that hot dog?

• 1:24:48Speaker 03

  Oh, that's twelve thousand dollars, by the way.

• 1:24:50Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 1:24:51Speaker 03

  Hundred times one twenty?

• 1:24:55Speaker 02

  That's a lot.

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  I don't thi- I don't think you'll be able to finish as much as you're thinking.

• 1:25:01Speaker 03

  That's true. That's also assuming we all eat them all.

• 1:25:03Speaker 01

  That's true, yeah. I don't think there is a reality-

• 1:25:05Speaker 02

  We should do it.

• 1:25:06Speaker 03

  I like that idea.

• 1:25:07Speaker 02

  What about if we do forty each? Like forty, forty, we keep it all forty?

• 1:25:11Speaker 03

  That's what-

• 1:25:12Speaker 01

  That's what we said.

• 1:25:13Speaker 02

  No, I mean like forty dollars per dog.

• 1:25:16Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

• 1:25:17Speaker 02

  That's cute.

• 1:25:17Speaker 03

  That's cute.

• 1:25:18Speaker 02

  Like forty for forty.

• 1:25:19Speaker 01

  It was more and now it's less.

• 1:25:22Speaker 02

  Well, I'm trying to-

• 1:25:22Speaker 03

  Be, be, be like realistic in a-

• 1:25:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 1:25:26Speaker 03

  I'm down. I'll eat for charity.

• 1:25:29Speaker 01

  Oh, I'll eat hot dogs for anything.

• 1:25:32Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:25:33Speaker 01

  Also for charity.

• 1:25:34Speaker 02

  Well, there you go. Forty thousand patrons. If we surpass forty thousand and we get to forty one, then we'll make it... We'll do fifty. Like every thousand will go up at fifty. If it do- I don't know. I don't know if there's gonna be a rush. I doubt it, but like-

• 1:25:49Speaker 03

  Oh, you mean by the time we-

• 1:25:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think people are gonna see this and go, "Weenies!"

• 1:25:54Speaker 03

  I thought you were saying we're gonna do this for every thousand.

• 1:25:57Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not what I'm saying. No, how many hot dogs can one person eat?

• 1:26:01Speaker 03

  Well, it's mini weenies.

• 1:26:02Speaker 02

  Can we get that many fucking mini hot dogs?

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  Dude, they come in Costco packs of like fifty. We'll be good.

• 1:26:10Speaker 02

  We'll be good. Alright, well, we're gonna flush that idea out, but like 40,000, we'll make it happen, alright? Um, anyway Frank, where can they find you?

• 1:26:19Speaker 01

  You know, I was almost gonna say chomping on wieners, but I...

• 1:26:26Speaker 02

  Chomping on little wieners?

• 1:26:28Speaker 01

  I didn't. Uh, I dunno. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard, the Frank Alvarez everywhere, go, go check it out.

• 1:26:37Speaker 03

  I feel like he took up a lot of my time. What's up? I think he took up a lot of my time there.

• 1:26:41Speaker 02

  Where can they find you, Ann?

• 1:26:43Speaker 03

  Find me at @AntPrisco on Instagram.

• 1:26:46Speaker 02

  Wow, you let him get it? You let him slide in there?

• 1:26:48Speaker 01

  Nice guy. Uh, go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram, and that is all. See you guys next time.

• 1:27:07Speaker 00

  Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.